#but if I leave then I’ll be alone. nobody will want me. I’m too weird and unattractive and unaccomplished

[melancholicscoundrel]

I very often call my family members “fucking stupid shitheads” and I say it with love

[monamourbladie]

AHH OKAY SO.. this feels so weird typing out but IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE CAN YOU WRITE LIKE PROTECTIVE/POSSESSIVE DAN HENG IL? idk how to describe it aaa like.. id imagine because he is a vidyadhara, they stay with their lovers for life, so he's be like very protective over his lover. maybe smut but its up to you!!!!!!!

Possessive Dan Heng/IL head canons

okay firstly i wanna say i was sitting on this ask for days bc i was trying to think of a possible plot but I couldn’t:( so i’m just gonna do some head cannons, i hope you don’t mind! I’ll be including some nsfw ones at the end too don’t worry :)) and thank u for being my first request on this blog hehe~

Dan Heng:

alright, so Dan is a very reserved and kept to himself kinda guy as we can see on the Express. he doesn’t show his emotions a lot and he’s kind of hard to read

you’re one of the few people that can read him like a book due to how close you guys are and how much he trusts you. like, even MARCH couldn’t get him to open up as much as he does with you

so when he’s upset, you just know. like it’s so obvious to you and you alone lol

so let’s say you’re out in Belobog and he’s speaking with March & Stelle when some guy comes up to you and starts chatting with you

initially he wouldn’t think much of it until he starts hearing laughter from you, and then all his attention is on you and him. like, why are you laughing at his jokes? what’s he even doing talking to you??

he’d just kind of keep his distance and just watch. nobody else really understands what he’s doing, but you can immediately recognize the coldness in his eyes as he’s glaring daggers at the man.

eventually he’d have enough when he notices him starting to touch your arm and he immediately walks over, keeping a calm & collected stature

“y/n! there you are, i was wondering where you ran off to.” he’s walk up behind you and wrap his arm around your waist, keeping you pressed close against him.

your cheeks would flush and you’d immediately lean into him, feeling better now that he’s here and can scare the guy off. “i was just waiting for our drinks.”

“and speaking with me. i was offering to give her a tour around Belobog, since she’s new,” the man said with a smile to her. dan’s grip would tighten around your waist and he’s grit his teeth.

your drink would be called and he’d move away for just a moment - (it helped that you were waiting by the counter, anyway) and grabbed your drinks for you, handing you one and kissing your forehead as he did so, “that’s sweet, but we already have a tour guide. let’s go.”

he’d grab your hand and fast walk you away, his heart almost aching from the exchange.

you always understood how sensitive he is about you dating him, since he’s been so heavily traumatized by his previous marriage in his past life. any scenario where you could leave him in any way terrifies him more than he wants to admit.

“was that supposed to be intimidating?” march would comment with a giggle as they walked over. dan simply sighed as he handed march her drink, “leave it, march.”

you’d look up at him with a soft smile and tilt his face to look down at you. you’d grin and kiss his lips longingly, “don’t worry, sweetheart. i was just being nice and keeping conversation.”

this eased his mind greatly - it’s not like he doesn’t trust you, he’s just extremely insecure and fearful about losing his loved ones, even to a random stranger in a planet they have no plans to stay on.

back at the hotel when you’re alone though? that’s another story. he doesn’t feel the need to keep his usual reserved facade up, and you know that.

the moment the door is shut, he’s immediately behind you, his arms trailing up yours as he peppers kisses up the back of your neck, “i hated seeing him speak with you, you know that?” he’d mutter against your skin.

you’d hum and close your eyes as you leaned into his touch, knowing this was going to be a pleasantly long night. “were you jealous, baby?” you’d playfully tease him.

he’d let out a low growl against your skin as his grip on you tightened, moving you in his arms so you’re pressing your chest against his own. he leaned down and started to kiss against your jawline up to your ear, “i don’t get jealous. i get protective.”

“you’re so jealous,” you’d giggle, moving your head so you could kiss his lips instead. he’d kiss you back harshly to immediately shut you up, beginning to walk the two of you slowly over to the bed as you’d kiss

he’d pin you down against the bed quickly, his kisses getting more feverish as his hands start exploring your body, “that’s enough out of you. you’re my girl.”

you’d squirm under his touch in enjoyment, cheeks flushing red from being called his girl. you loved when you got him to act all touchy, especially when he was riled up like this.

he would absolutely tease you all throughout the night just to get you so riled up that you’d just be panting and begging for him to finally let you have your release.

he’d click his tongue and lean in against your ear, his fingers teasing you unbearably slowly as you squirmed. he wouldn’t let you have your release until you cried out that you were his and only his, reaffirming him in the best way.

he’d lean down and kiss you heatedly as he pumped his fingers quickly to push you over the edge, “good girl, that’s right… you belong to me, no one else…”

youd cry out as he helped you through your high, “o-only yours, dan… f-fuck…”

there was literally nothing he adored more than seeing you a sobbing, moaning mess all because of him. part of you wondered if you should get him possessive more often if he would treat you so nicely afterwards…

Imbibitor Lunae:

if you thought dan heng was closed off and reserved, dan feng was another level. we all know everyone described him as cold and uncaring, but when it came to you? he was a total opposite and an absolute sweetheart.

he had his moments of being a typical brooding dragon, but the love he has for you is so immense that it outweighed every once of coldness in his heart and actions

it honestly surprised most of the quintet when he announced that you two started dating, because out of everyone they expected to actually get a girlfriend the high elder himself was last on the list — let alone a short life species such as yourself.

dan feng does not like showing any ounce of PDA in public by any means. in the public eye, he only would have his arm around you if you were walking around, or occasionally held your hand. he would never kiss you if he knew a lot of people would be seeing it

at least that’s how he acted early on in your relationship. this lead to most people thinking you were single, so it was not uncommon that you would have guys flirt with you right in front of him.

the first time dan feng noticed a drunk guy coming into you hardcore, it made his blood boil. unlike dan heng, dan feng was totally cool with showing off his angry side.

he immediately stormed right up and got between the two of you, resting his hand against your chest and glaring at the man, “i think it’s best if you leave.”

the man scoffed as he crossed his arms, “actually, it would be best if you left. i was having a great time with her.”

dan felt his blood boil and he glared at him, “that’s my fiancée, and i suggest you get away from her immediately.”

“or what?” the man spat back. “for being her fiancé, you certainly don’t act like one.” without thinking, dan shoved the man against the wall, his arm pressed firmly over his chest, “you have some nerve to speak to your High Elder in such a way. I told you — stay away from her. you should be thankful i’m not throwing you into the Shackling Prison for being an ass.”

the man’s eyes widened as he started sobering up enough to realize how badly he fucked up. he squeaked and nodded furiously, “i-i’m so sorry, your highness! it won’t happen again!”

he’d step back and let him run off quickly. turning back to you he saw your cheeks burning red with embarrassment, and his demeanor immediately changed back to stoic. he approached you and began to walk away with you, his hand wrapped around your waist, “i believe i owe you an apology. i didn’t realize i wasn’t acting as much of a fiancé as I thought i was.”

and ever since that day, he made sure he always had his arm around you in some way, and made it very, very clear that you were his fiancée.

he’d pretty much be the same as dan heng, except way more passionate and dominating about it. he’s not afraid to entirely let his guard down in private with you, especially about anything sexual, so absolutely be prepared for a long, pleasure filled night

he’d be very dominate but definitely a pleasure dom … most of the time lol, other times he’d just be absolutely rough with you if he was really, really feeling jealous or possessive

he would not be afraid to leave a lot of marks - it made him proud that others would absolutely know you’re taken just by one glance at your neck, and he wasn’t ashamed of it, either. he knew he fucked up early on, and he made sure to always make up for it, especially in bed

and yes — part of the reason why he’s so protective over you is because you are a short life species. it absolutely destroys him that while you will grow old and spend the rest of your life with him, he cannot share the same blessing with you, and he absolutely hates himself for it. it’s not fair.

that’s why any time anyone tried anything with you, he’d get so angry over it because how dare they flirt with his one and only?

he also gave 0 fucks that some vidyadharans did not approve of you, in fact he loves to flaunt it in their faces now and kiss you at public events when he hears people murmur about the high elder and his “short-life woman.”

moral of the story, don’t fuck with the high elder’s woman or you’re a dead man

i hope this is what u had in mind alenfhehddhhd thank you for the request 🫶🏻

[imaslutforwritingshit]

Things Ethan Landry would text- (Fem Friend Reader) PART 3

Warnings- mentions of smut, knifeplay, sexting, fearplay, confessions to murder.

If you guys like this, I’ll make an extended version, where I write a story in Y/n’s pov that happens after this texting story:)

The Ballad Of Terror

Y/n: hey loser

Ethan: Loser? that’s new.

Y/n: but true

Ethan: no good night text, bunny?

Y/n: ugh stop calling me that. I promise I don’t jump that weird.

Ethan: in PE class you look like a rodent

Y/n: shut up

Y/n: I want something else first before you get your good night text

Ethan: let me guess. You need homework answers?

Y/n: I don’t get anything in science. I don’t even know what a molecule is.

Ethan: luckily I’m smart.

Y/n: luckily.

Ethan: click to view

Y/n: thank u <3

Ethan: np.

Ethan: hey, how are you and David doing together?

Y/n: why?

Ethan: I’m just curious

Y/n: maybe being curious isn’t always the right thing to be

Ethan: I’m your friend who wants you to be happy.

Y/n: I am happy

Ethan: with David?

Y/n: why are you asking that like david can’t make me happy?

Ethan: because I don’t think he could

Y/n: he does.

Ethan: oh, yeah?

Y/n: yes.

Ethan: as in, present tense?

Y/n omg yes

Y/n: why do you care so much?

Ethan: you broke up with him last night.

Y/n: how did you know that?

Y/n: Ethan??

Y/n: who told you

Ethan: no one told me.

Y/n: then why the fuck do you know?

Ethan: I watched you get that text. You cried over your bedside table.

Ethan: don’t leave me on read

Ethan: cmon

Y/n: how do you know

Ethan: I watched you through the window.

Y/n: you’re my friend

Y/n: this is scaring me

Ethan: Don’t be scared. Remember when you told me that you loved the real me?

Y/n: yes.

Ethan: this is the real me.

Y/n: a stalker?

Ethan: For you,

Ethan: Yes.

Y/n: if you were watching me, what was I wearing?

Ethan: That Ivy League shirt I bought for you in 2018.

Y/n: what pants, then ??

Ethan: oh, that’s the best part.

Y/n: please

Ethan: you weren’t wearing any

Ethan: you hiked your thighs to your chest

Ethan: you were wearing black panties

Y/n: you’re a fucking creep

Ethan: don’t be like that.

Y/n: how long has this been going on?

Ethan: How long have I been in love with you?

Ethan: or watching you sleep

Ethan: ?

Y/n: i should call the police. do you stalk other girls?

Ethan: you’re the only one for me

Ethan: nobody makes me feel the way you make me feel

Ethan: All those girls meant nothing to me. They couldn’t replace you.

Y/n: what girls?

Y/n: you’re a manwhore now?

Ethan: don’t be stupid. I didn’t fuck anyone

Ethan: I killed them

Y/n: im calling the police

Ethan: I disconnected the system from your number

Ethan: you can’t call anyone for help

Y/n: what do you want from me?

Ethan: Don’t you want to know?

Ethan: Why I did it?

Y/n: no

Ethan: I want to hurt you. Is that bad?

Ethan: it just turns me on so much

Ethan: to imagine you begging for me

Ethan: begging me not to slice you open

Ethan: fuck your brains out until your screaming my name

Ethan: i want to use you

Ethan: and you and I both know you would enjoy it

Y/n: you’re ghostface

Ethan: oh

Ethan: what gave it away ?

Y/n: you piece of shit.

Ethan: I don’t think you should insult me right now

Y/n: why? you gonna kill me??

Ethan: don’t tempt me.

Y/n: but apparently I already am. I’m basically asking for a knife to my throat, aren’t I?

Y/n: to watch your cock enter me as you choke me

Y/n: god, it would turn me on so much!!!

Ethan: I don’t take sarcasm too well

Ethan: if your asking for it, I’ll give it to you.

Y/n: im blocking you

Ethan: you can’t hide

Y/n: I’ll lock my doors. Get my parents to call the cops when they come back.

Ethan: your parents aren’t home?

Ethan: That changes things.

Y/n: I locked everything

Y/n: leave me alone

Ethan: why did you assume I was outside your house?

Y/n: please leave me alone

Ethan: let’s play a game of hide and seek, y/n.

Ethan: you run

Ethan: you hide

Ethan: and we’ll see if I can catch you.

Ethan: and if I do…

Ethan: god, I love making you my victim.

Y/n: Ethan please

Ethan: 3

Ethan: 2

Ethan: 1

Ethan: time to run, bunny.

🩷

[harryspurpleloofah]

Hii,

I just had this idea where like y/n and harry are alrrady together. Y/n sings really well, write her own songs and even record them, but is too shy to show anyone so she just keeps them to herself. However Harry came across one of her recorded songs and just FELL IN LOVE with them.

Thank you!!🥰

Hi love! I started this writing blog recently and you’re officially my first request, this means so much thanks! I’ll do my best.

You could give me a run for my money

TW: swearing, smut at the end, Oral fem receiving, p in v sex, unprotected sex but they’re trying for a bub (use protection in real life please loves), tit sucking

The sun was setting behind the gorgeous skyscrapers of London. She hummed as she cut the vegetables for the lasagne Harry requested that night. He was working overtime at the studio tonight and she wanted to make sure she made a nice cozy meal for him.

She hummed to the tune of her latest song. She did this all the time when she was home alone when she got bored all by herself (and their cat Bowie, yes named after the rockstar. Harry’s idea but she didn’t object since she loved him too)

She was writing a little piece which was inspired all around her life and she had a basic tune for it but she kept getting stuck on the pre chorus. She hummed it again and again with the ending changing everytime she tried it.

Harry got in that same time. He closed the door quietly behind him. He heard her from the kitchen and tried to figure out what she was singing. He loved hearing her sing but she never did. For him sometimes, when she was drunk she would, but apart from that no way in hell. Especially in front of other people.

Then he realized was this another one of her own ones? He didn’t really know much since she never really told him either. He tried to listen in and it was beautiful. He snuck in slowly, and picked her up from behind to which she immediately erupted in laughs.

“Hi! You’re back.”

He smiled as he twirled her around and then put her down before pecking her cheek, “yes I am. How’re you baby?”

“I’m fine. Making lasagne.”

“Mm. Nice.”, he picks up a sliced tomato for the salad side and eats it. She smacks his hand, “stop that’s for the salad.”

“M’hungry.” He pouts.

“It’ll be done in just a bit. Go get something from the pantry till then.”

“Ok baby honey.”

He made his way to the pantry to start looking for food while humming..HER SONG??

“Where did you hear that?” She quickly asks

“Hm? You were humming it no?”

“I-..was I?”

“Yeah just as I came in. Banger tune babe. Who’s it by?” He closes the pantry and grabs a banana from their fruit basket instead.

“No one.”

“No one?”

“Nobody you’d know.”

“Hey I know everyone.”

“They’re really underground besides I forgot their name.”

“Look it up. Hey google, what song is this?” He opens his phone and hums the song. Obviously since the song isn’t out google has no clue. “That’s so weird honey. Even google doesn’t know.”

“Funny. Ok go have a shower I’ll put this in the oven.”

“I wanna know the song. It’s nice I wanna hear the rest of it.”

“Just leave it Harry.”

“But I-”

“Harry!”

“Whatt”

“Just move on”

He sighed, “ok but I just don’t get it why are you so pissed over a song?”

“Because it’s mine..”

“What?”

“I just like..make up little songs sometimes it was one of those”

“Wait wait wait! You’ve been making music this entire time?”

“Not this entire time..it was just recently. When you’d be at your studio. Basically remember you used to send me demos?”

“Mhm?”, he asks, chewing on the bite of banana.

“So I just used to get them stuck in my head then they’d only be half finished and I’d start making up my own endings for them. Then I couldn’t remember them so I wrote them down and I just started writing from there, but it’s nothing serious.”

“Have you ever recorded anything? Properly?”

She chuckles slightly, putting the knife down and turning around fully, “no. Not like you I just have some like…audio recordings nothing much.”

“Can I listen to one? Please?”

“No.”

“Please?? I really really want to.”

“Harry..”

“It can be my anniversary present.”

“A month early?”

“Yeah.”

She sighed. She handed him her phone to look through the recordings. His jaw dropped. They were fucking amazing. She took her phone, “ok enough.”

“Baby! You cannot be serious! This is so good!”

She smiles, genuinely feeling her heart warm. “Really?”

“Yes I love them.”

She wasn’t one of those people who knew her talents and still undermined them. If something she did was good she’d give herself the due credit. And she actually thought her songs were nice. But she didn’t want them out into the world. She just wasn’t ready for that sort of exposure yet.

“Baby?”

“Yes Harry?”

“Do you have like an instrumental back for this?”

“Yeah. It’s in the files on my computer why?”

“Cool…”

The next morning when she came downstairs he was on her computer.

“Haz?” She asked. “What are you doing?”

“Forget everything. Watch this.” He presses play. She’s shocked.

It’s her voice, her song, her music. He’d edited it all together and added a tiny bit of reverb and auto tune where needed. When the song finished he turned back to her, “isn’t it great?”

“I love it Harry..”

“So?”

“So what?”

“So should I talk to Jeff? Get you out there?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“What?”

She frowned, “I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t..I wanna write for myself. Not anyone else.”

“Are you sure? We could really get you big. You could do this full time if you really enjoy it-”

“I don’t though Harry. I like my job this is just a hobby. I love it but not enough to do it full time. Not enough like you do.”

“Are you really sure my darling?”

“Yes. I don’t want it leaving this computer.”

Harry sighed, but then flashed her a grin, “you know what fine. Honestly m’happy.”

She smiled. “Why?”

“You could’ve been better than me baby. Thank god. You would’ve given me a run for my money.”

She laughed loudly, “really?”

“Honest. Now may I get some breakfast please?”

“Of course.”

“Or I could eat something else instead..”

“What?” She giggled

He looked her up and down ravishingly. “You perchance.”

“Huh. Let’s see..should I let you?”

“Yes. Please baby..”

She smiles.. “maybe.”

“That’s a yes,” he grabs her in a kiss, his tongue plunging into her mouth. He trailed kisses over her neck, reaching her tits. He took her shirt off and captured her lips once again before undoing the bra buckle and latching his mouth on a hardened peak.

He let out a moan muffled into her skin as she moaned and pushed herself into his mouth even more. His kisses trailed down her stomach then down to her thighs, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her panties and pulling them down with her trousers, lapping at the arousal already running down her thighs.

“God look at you. So ready for me.” He licked a strip upwards, provoking a moan from her again. He ravaged her completely, focusing on her clit, sucking on it gently, flicking it with his tongue, not stopping despite her fingers tangling in his hair, her legs trying to squeeze shut in pleasure.

“Fuck Harry..please..I need to cum.”

“You will baby. Very soon. Just hang on two seconds for me I want you to cum on my cock yeah?”

“Yes-yeah please.”

He nudged her clit with the head of his hardened cock before pushing in with a grunt moan mix. “Yes fuck you’re so tight baby.”. He thrusted deeper, harder. He kept going until her moans were getting louder, her breath quicker and her pussy was clenching on his cock. “Ok love. Cum for me now.” He allowed her. She didn’t hesitate, costing his dick in her sweet juices.

It took mere seconds before he came with a groan, shooting hot loads into her womb. They’d been talking about hanging a baby. This wasn’t one of their planned tries but every thing counts? He gently pulled out of her and kissed her forehead.

“You were so good for me angel. Did you like it?”

“Yes Harry-god I loved it.”

“Good. You wait till tonight then.”.

[yunoclips]

boy toy

“All you have to do is be quiet”. You whisper while straddling the boy underneath you. It’s dark outside and you're not in the house alone. In fact your brother and all his friends are here hanging out. Though you couldn’t be bothered with them , your brother’s closest friend Jaehyun was just a temptation you couldn’t resist any longer.

It started with the subtle glances. Every time you’d come down stairs with tight shorts and form fighting tops he couldn’t help but stare. He was so obvious about it , how pathetic. Then it progressed into slight touches. Grazing your ass while he walks by you in the kitchen. Covering it up with “I’m sorry , I was trying to get a cup”.

He was a himbo. Truly believing you never noticed , but he was in for a surprise when you confronted him.

It was a normal day , all the boys had just gotten back from basketball practice and of course they were hot and hungry. You had gotten out of the pool in your backyard to inform your brother there was cool lemonade in the fridge. Before you went back outside you caught a glimpse of Jaehyun’s face. His mouth was hung open , eyes fixated on your figure. That was your final straw.

When your brother and his friends went up to his room you grabbed Jaehyun by the ear and pulled him outside. Cornering him against a wall , he had no where to hide now. He looked nervous, chest heaving , eyes wandering. He was scared.

“Do you get off on being a creep ?” Slight hints of irritation dripping from your voice.

“W-what are you talking about?” He says in panicked tone.

“I’m not stupid Jaehyun. All the staring , all the hard-on’s you get when I walk downstairs , all the drooling. What’s your problem ?” At that point he knew he had been caught. His mind was racing trying to think of excuses but it was too late.

“I’m sorry.” He says in a defeated tone. Then he starts to go on a panicked ramble. “I know i’m really fucking weird and creepy and you probably hate me I don’t blame you for hating me and-“ Before he finishes getting himself into more trouble, you put a finger to his lips to quiet him down.

You sigh before speaking up. “Listen , I get it. You think i’m really hot and all. But I don’t know". There was a small beat of silence between you two." Aren’t you a little bit ashamed that you’re getting turned on by your best friends sister?” You question. You know he’s feeling shameful but toying with him is entertaining.

“I’m so sorry. P-please just don’t tell him. I’ll leave you alone. You won’t have to worry about me anymore.” He says in a shaky voice. Almost on the verge of tears. Just absolutely pathetic. You decided to just let it rest for now. Nodding your head and releasing him. He said he’d leave you alone but for some reason you weren’t too pleased with that. You started growing fond of the attention.

All that build up has you in the situation you’re in now. The tension between you two becoming so unbearable that you couldn’t resist any longer. When nobody was looking you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him to your bedroom quickly locking the door behind you.

In a wave of confusion he starts speaking.

“W-what are you doing , I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore an-“

“Tell me you don’t want this and i’ll stop.” You say cutting him off. A beat passes and all you receive is a nod. The tension in the room so thick that it was almost suffocating.

“You need to use your words baby.” you say while intensely staring into his eyes.

“I want this.”

“Good. Get on the bed and take your pants off.”

You watch as he follows your orders , you then turn around and quickly strip completely naked. Nd now here you were straddling him telling him to be quiet.

“You know you have beautiful eyes right Jaehyunnie ?” You say in a seductive tone.

“I want you to keep those eyes on me. If you look away i’ll stop.”

He slowly nods his head and glues his eyes on your face. With that you start to sink down on his hardened cock. He feels so good.

“Mmm fuck , should’ve fucked you a long time ago. Such a big dick. Sad that you don’t know how to use it. Too busy being a creep and drooling over your friends sister” You say slightly winded by the length and girth of his cock.

He gasps loudly and starts to breathe erratically when you bottom out. Long whines start to spill out of his mouth. He tosses his head back against the head board creating a thud sound. You’re enveloping his cock like a warm tight hug.

You lightly land a slap on his face to bring him back to his senses. The slap making his cock twitch inside of you. His mouth falls agape and he lets out a high pitched groan.

“I thought I told you to be quiet and keep your eyes on me. Bad enough you’re a creepy perv jerking off to your best friends sister. Now you can’t even follow directions.”

You pause and lean down next to his ear . Pressing your lips so closely to it that he can hear each breath that you take.

“If you make another sound i’m gonna leave you here desperate and crying with an aching cock.”

With that he shuts up. When you lift yourself you can see his eyes follow your every move. Pupils already dilated and completely glossed.

You plant your hands on his hard chest and bunch up his shirt in your fists for more stability. Then you start to bounce up and down on his cock in a moderate pace. You can see him trying his hardest to prevent his eyes from rolling.

His tongue is lolling out of his mouth. You could see a groan bubble in his chest but he quickly covers his mouth with his hands.

You start to speed up your pace, pleasuring bubbling in the pit of your stomach. Your eyes watch the way Jaehyun’s stomach contracts. His abs tensing. You started hearing small cries coming from behind his hand.

“Look at you. Such a pathetic perv , crying from being fucked.”

That sets him off. The next second he starts mewling into his hand. Back arching , Eyelids twitching. You can tell it’s a struggle for him to keep his eyes focused on you. You can feel his cock throb , heavy spurts of thick cum filling up the condom. His breathing going too quickly for him to comprehend. His eyes go fuzzy, ears ringing and his head hurts from the strain.

Then everything comes to a halt. He lies back on the bed completely boneless. You collapse on top of him. The orgasm completely tiring you. You roll off of him to catch a breath. Walking with slightly wobbly legs to go pee and wipe yourself up. When you come back to your bed Jaehyun was still in the same position you left him in. Staring at the ceiling, breathing slowly with his mouth slightly opened. The closer you stepped to the bed , you could see that his hand was shiny. The moon light was shining on all of the drool that seeped out of his mouth when he was covering himself.

“What a loser” you chuckle to yourself.

You sit beside him on your bed and tap him. He slightly turns his head over so it could face you.

“Hey big boy , you need to get it together . Gotta get back out there before they start looking for you.” He doesn’t reply , his eyes are just glued on you.

You grab his pants and throw it at him before going back in the bathroom and turning on the shower.

When you finally get out , you see that he isn’t there anymore. You sigh and wrap a towel around yourself. Before you make any further movements you can hear a glimpse of the conversation happening right outside of your bedroom door.

“You good Jae ? You look stoned and sick. Why is your face wet? Don’t tell me you smoked without us.”

It was your brother questioning Jaehyun.

You chuckle to yourself. You may have just found a new boy toy.

[seasidefallenangel]

game au: voicelines

notes: fluff, paralive game au, no content warnings, kinda brainrot

who else remembers when they lied to us about a paralive game? anyway here's some theoretical lines the characters would have about their significant other

༄ kanata yatonokami:

⁀��� about their lover:

“ha? the fuck does that have to do with you? 

… did they say something about me?”

⁀➷ fleeting memories:

“nayuta and i didn’t have shit growing up as kids, and they were always annoying about it. dropping by snacks, workin’ extra shifts to help us out - not like i asked for anything. i hate owing people though, so - … oi. get that damn smile off your face. they’re the one that wouldn’t leave me alone.”

⁀➷ quality time:

“mhm, i’ll be by later. love you too.”

[phone clicks]

…

“geez, you ever mind your own business? you can turn in that job yourself. i promised them i’d go by their house today and they won’t quit naggin’ me about it. huh? that’s not what i fucking mean! if i didn’t like em, i wouldn’t even be dating them. they just like sitting at home and talking to me. it’s weird but… makes em’ happy, so whatever.”

⁀➷ the future:

“nayuta won’t get off my case about marriage and all that shit ; says i should hurry up and give them a ring. doesn’t he know how old we are?! ‘sides, i don’t need some asshole with a bible to tell me we’re gonna be together forever. it’s either them or nobody, and they know it.”

༄ iori suiseki:

about their lover: 

“i know it’s tempting, but that one over there ain’t one of my hostesses, so try not to stare so hard. my dearest deserves more respect than that, dont’cha think?”

⁀➷ fleeting memories:

“honestly, i thought everything was over after the suiseki massacre. my family helped out a lot, but they were the one to really drag me out of my slump. it’ll be hard as hell for me to ever repay em’ for that, but ‘m still tryin’ to this day.

speaking of, can ya run out and grab em’ for me? it’s been an hour since i’ve seen em, and i’m goin’ through withdrawals.”

⁀➷ safety:

“i’d like to think we’re pretty guarded these days, but i can never be too sure, yanno? honestly, in an ideal world i could just keep em’ in the house forever to make sure nothing can even come close to harming them. hm? is my face that scary?”

⁀➷ the future:

“oi, c’mere for a sec? i want your opinion. the band on this ring is nice, but the diamond cut on here is much more suited to their taste. ahaha, pick up yer jaw! ‘m not proposing anytime soon. just weighin’ out my options for now. i got too many things goin’ on to give em’ the real life they deserve, but one day i’ll be able to make em’ mine forever.”

༄ shion kaida:

⁀➷ about their lover: 

“hmm? sorry to disappoint, but i’m not really doing stuff like that anymore. my angel might kill me if they catch wind of this, so you can go find someone else to please you, right?”

⁀➷ fleeting memories:

“i can’t blame you for wanting to come back - everyone always does. they were the first time i was the one to go back, though. so cold hearted towards me, i couldn’t help but want to see them crack. ah, but i wouldn’t advise you to try the same with them. i’m not a fan of sharing.”

⁀➷ bad habits:

“it’s hard not to fall into old ways, if i’m being honest. they’re understanding enough, given the… unique circumstances of my situation, but have enough of a backbone to put me in my place. 

though, just between us, i do it on purpose sometimes. seeing their angry face gets me all sorts of riled up. i’m falling in love at quite the unhealthy pace, fufu.”

⁀➷ the future:

“stability isn’t exactly my thing - i’m sure you’re not surprised. the two of us haven’t talked about that sort of thing yet, so i’m avoiding it as long as i can. i’d hate to see their disappointment when i tell them marriage isn’t in the cards for me.

… is what i’d like to believe, but they’re so cute i just might find myself caving into their charms. maybe they’re the manipulator between us after all.”

༄ ryu natsume:

⁀➷ about their lover:

“yaho~! have you seen my alien commander? last i saw they were UP IN SPAAAACCCCEEEE - oh! there they are! WAHAHA, ATTACK TIME!”

⁀➷ fleeting memories:

"hm hm hmmmm - aha! that cloud looks like my rice ball! one time they shot me with a HUUUGGGEEE love beam and GAH! i was their slave for the next ten million years! ryu-kun doesn’t mind though - we can rule the whole world together.”

⁀➷ haunting thoughts:

“ryu-kun doesn’t want to be around anyone right now. they’re the only one who can make the monsters go away - but i don’t want them to see me the way i am. i like them so much… it really hurts.”

⁀➷ the future:

“d’you think they’d get mad if i wear a cat suit to our wedding? of course we’re getting married! everyone in japan is invited! we’ll have lots of cheese and takoyaki, shiki-kun will be the maid of honor, and we’ll be carried down the aisle with pigeons!”

༄ toma hikage:

⁀➷ about their lover:

“hey, hey! which selfie is cuter? i like their hair in this one, oh - their smile is so bright here! but they’re irresistible when they’re annoyed at me! and then this is one where they’re sleeping, but this one’s filter is pretty, and this one -”

⁀➷ fleeting memories:

“long before visty was even a thing, they were always by my side. honestly, i doubt i would’ve become an idol without their encouragement. even with that horrible old face of mine, they always talked about how beautiful i was. haaa, i miss them so much! i need to call them right now!”

⁀➷ overbearing fans:

“maybe saying i’m everyone’s idol was a bad idea, haha. they get kinda jealous sometimes when we’re approached too often, but if i’m being real with you, it’s so hot! the way they call me theirs and grip my hand… totally heart pounding!”

⁀➷ the future:

“i hate to think about the day when visty isn’t a group anymore, but the idea of living a normal life with them is kinda nice, you know? waking up late, going grocery shopping, picking up the kids from school, family vacations. not anytime soon, obvs, but i can’t imagine ever wanting it with anyone else.”

[writerscall]

Enemies to lovers with spider hazel

author's note/s: 3.6k words. spider!hazel and fellow superhero/vigilante!reader, more of a one-sided annoyances to lovers, really. think kind of supergirl-esque for reader's powers (at least in the flying and strength aspect) and to help visualize reader's mask, click here for reference.

“So that’s, what, five bad guys down for me this week now and three for you? Maybe I’ll sit back and relax tomorrow so you can catch up.”

You can’t see the face behind that mask but you’re sure there’s a shit-eating grin on it. You roll your eyes at the quip. “Oh, fuck off. It’s not a competition.”

Not that that ever changed how annoyed you got whenever the tally was higher in her favor, though. But the webslinger’s count wasn’t what really got you riled up; wasn’t even how smug she could get about it. It was the way she executed the crime fighting skills that you assumed she was learning and making up as she went. Spiderwoman was messy and, ironically, uncoordinated half the time, but the worst part was that she drew too much attention.

You knew attracting the attention of the police and the papers was inevitable, but at least you had the good sense to not make a whole show of being a vigilante. Spiderwoman, on the other hand, just loved to stay and chat.

“Hey, come on, don’t be like that. You know I’m just messing around.” There’s a drop in her tone, clearly making an attempt to ease the tension. “You’re a lot faster than I am with rounding up criminals, so you get extra points for that.”

At that, you allow yourself to smile the tiniest bit. She can’t see it behind your own mask but if she was as observant as she claimed to be, she might see however little of it reached your eyes.

She clears her throat, bringing a hand to scratch at the back of her neck as she says, “So uh, I know it’s getting late and all, but I’ve got my backpack stashed somewhere not far from here and my lunch sandwich is still intact. It’s a pretty big one so you know, if you wanted a post-crime fighting snack…” 

It’s a harmless, friendly gesture so you hold back a scoff and snide comment. You get it — the business you were in was best done alone but it could get lonely after doing it for some time. Besides, masked heroes like the two of you wore masks for a reason: nobody could know who they were, and even fellow vigilantes weren’t an exception to the rule. But you supposed it would be nice to have a friend with the shared experiences.

Just… maybe not her. Or just maybe not yet. This wasn’t like making friends in school, after all.

“Not hungry,” you tell her shortly before lifting yourself off the ground, signaling that your conversation was over and you were leaving.

You hear her say something as you take off, but you can’t be bothered to look back.

Despite it being the last day of the week, you found Fridays particularly hard to get through. Mostly because you were itching for the weekend to come but because the bad guys in the city always seemed to act up during that day. The feeling in your stomach about what your evening patrol might turn out like was a mixture of both fear and excitement, but you tried your best to push it down for the time being. It was only the second period.

“You and Miss Callahan, partners,” your teacher says with a tap to your table as she strides by, listing off other pairs. You look over to Hazel who apparently is already looking at you, her eyes wide with… shock? A hint of nervousness in them too.

Weird. You were sort-of friends through the cheerleaders she was surprisingly close with, Isabel and Brittany, but you’ve never really spoken much to each other. Maybe she was worried you guys wouldn’t click without the other girls around.

You cast her a smile as she gets nearer, sliding the worksheet to the midpoint of the table. “The total number of questions is an even number, 12, so we can each get a half. But we can help each other too, of course.”

Hazel mutters something that sounds like an ‘okay,’ but she mumbles something else under her breath that you can’t quite make out.

Overall, the class goes fine. The osmosis experiment wasn’t too hard to do and the questions were manageable. It was just how Hazel acted throughout the whole hour that threw you off a little. You knew she could be as awkward as she could get excited, and sometimes she talked too much and didn’t pick up on social cues easily, but the whole time she just seemed… uncomfortable, if that was the right word. Like she really wanted to say something or do something but she couldn’t for whatever reason.

Once you’re both done cleaning up, she wastes no time in removing her laboratory coat and shoving it into her bag, but you don’t want to let her get away that easily. Gently, you place a hand on her forearm to stop her. “Hey, Hazel?”

She pauses, eyeing your hand for a second too long before looking at you. Properly looking at you. She could barely do it throughout the experiment.

“I just wanted to ask if everything’s okay?” You bring your hand back and begin to slip off your own coat. “It could be none of my business, so feel free to tell me off if you want, but you just seem a bit out of it.”

Hazel opens her mouth to speak, but her gaze quickly moves from your face to something beside you. Rather, on you; your shirt was pulled to the side while taking off the coat and it exposed the bruise at the juncture of your shoulder and collarbone. Shit.

“Oh, that’s— don’t worry about that. I just tripped and fell hard in P.E. the other day,” you say with a dismissive wave of your hand, pulling your shirt back in place. God, you hoped nothing in your voice or face was giving you away. You doubt her first assumption would be that you were one of the masked vigilantes featured on the news, but she couldn’t be thinking of anything good either if she didn’t buy your excuse.

And she didn’t. “That doesn’t look too good,” Hazel says with a frown.

“It’s fine—”

“Come with me to the locker room? I’ve got something that can probably help with that. I mean, it’s not in the locker room, it’s in my actual locker and I’ll have to go get it from there first before going to the benches, but uh… um, yeah. I-I’ve got something.”

Her ramble ends with a sigh and you can’t help but smile at how she stumbled out all those words. Funny how you were the one all concerned about her just a minute ago and now the tables were turned. You didn’t want anybody seeing your cuts and bruises, or at least didn’t want anybody asking about them, but you didn’t get to ice the one she saw just yet. You’d take whatever ointment or cream she might have stashed away in her locker if it would help.

So you nod your head and walk with her towards the door. “Alright, yeah. I’m sure you know a thing or two about treating bruises, what with all that fighting you do.”

You almost bump into her when she stops and whips her head at you sharply, that wide-eyed look back on her face. What was with her today?

“Your fight club? With Isabel and Brittany and all those other girls?”

Hazel visibly deflates and lets out a half nervous, half relieved-sounding noise at that. “Yeah, yeah! Always gotta be prepared.”

You say nothing in return and follow along to her locker, deciding not to overthink it. Hazel could just be a little odd and there was nothing wrong with that.

“Ah—”

“Sorry, sorry,” she says, being even more careful than earlier with moving your shirt and bra strap to the side to expose the bruise more.

“It’s okay, just… I think it would be easier if I took my top off for this?”

Hazel actually makes a sound when she gulps. You’re quick to add, “Only if you’re comfortable with that, no pressure at all. It’s just that the bruise kinda trails off to the back too, so…”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. Whatever you’re more comfortable with. I’ll just…” she trails off, turning away so you can take your shirt off.

“Haze, you don’t have to do that,” you say with a chuckle. But it was instinct as it was for everyone when somebody was changing in their presence, and you knew there was an extra kick to it now for her.

Brittany and Isabel were always just poking fun, but you knew they teased Hazel about you sometimes. Both girls even asked you about your possible interest in her more than once. Hazel was cute and you did want to get to know her more, especially see how she was in that fight club because they always said she was different in that element. But considering your own after-school activities, dating was just out of the question.

Silently, Hazel turns back, cap off the tub of gel in her waiting hands. It was obvious that she was trying very hard to look nowhere else but your face and the area of the bruise, so you reach out and smile at her reassuringly. “Nothing to worry about. I know you’ve seen boobs before.”

“Well, not your boobs.”

She says it so casually that you’re both taken aback, but you just laugh. Thankfully, Hazel laughs along with you too.

You lean against the sink and she comes closer, stopping once her knees knock against yours. “Tell me if I’m pressing hard, okay?”

You smile at her again, softer this time. “Okay.”

It’s comfortably silent as she applies the gel on your bruise. High in vitamin C, she tells you at some point, cause it apparently helps bruises heal faster. Hopefully you didn’t get hit there again tonight so you could actually see if the science behind the gel worked or not.

When you turn around so she can work on the bruise’s extension on your back, you say, “That gel looks like it’s barely used. Do you have a stock of those at your fight club or do you guys just tough it out when someone gets a hit in?”

“This is my personal one, but most of us prefer to use the traditional ice packs. And unlike the rest of them, I heal pretty quickly.” Hazel smiles at your reflection in the mirror and you immediately smile back. You didn’t think it was possible for her to ever have a hint of cockiness in her tone. You kind of liked it.

“Like a regular superhero then, huh?”

She looks away, her smile dropping slightly. “Nothing like that. Um, you’re all good now.”

Hazel reaches for your shirt before you can even ask her to. You thank her with another smile and she moves away so you can put it back on.

As you walk alongside her to the exit, you stop her for a moment before pushing the doors open. “Thank you again. I’m pretty sure the gel is working already.”

Her gaze falls to the ground and once again she’s all fidgety and bashful. You hesitate for a second, but before you can talk yourself out of it, you lean forward to kiss her on the cheek. Just a light, friendly peck, even though ‘friendly’ might’ve been teetering over the edge at that point. Something shifted and you weren’t so sure you’d just laugh it off the next time Brittany or Isabel asked you about Hazel again.

You walk out of the locker room together, shyly glancing and smiling at one another until you have to part ways for your next classes.

Christ on a cross, you were really fucking tired. The city had been quiet since you started surveying it at around five o’clock and you were highly considering calling it a day at around half past seven, leave whatever happened in the later hours to the other crime fighters your city had one too many of. Hell, even to whatever cops who might be able to do their job properly for a change.

But a trio of snatchers caught your eye as soon as the thought occurred to you. So much for an earlier end to the week.

And you had them subdued with ease. Two of them were clearly new to the life of crime or just greatly inexperienced, and the other one was yelling at them half the time. Despite your skill and inhuman qualities, however, they were all relatively bigger than you so knocking them all out still took some time. You were two down with one to go when you heard a thwipping sound by your ear, and in the next split second, the snatcher was webbed to the wall.

Then you heard that voice. “Looked like you needed a hand.”

You look over your shoulder, groaning. “I didn’t, actually.”

“Well, I wanted to help you anyway. You’re welcome!”

“I’m not thanking you!”

The blare of police sirens comes not long after and you and Spiderwoman flee the scene before any of the cars come to a stop. Flying got you ahead of her since she relied on buildings to swing off from, but she caught up to you in no time. In just a few minutes, you were both back on the rooftop you left her at earlier in the week.

“You know, you’re right for making sure to never have to talk to the cops after putting the bad guys down. I should do that more. Those people really don’t like us.”

“I think you just talk a little too much for their liking.”

It’s not meant to be funny, but she laughs at you anyway. You might’ve put your guard down and decided to not be so irritated if it weren’t for the throbbing pain near your shoulder. You were sure the bruise there got bigger and worse after one of the snatchers got a good punch in that area.

“Yeah, well, I’m calling it a night. The city’s been quiet enough except for that one incident today, so I’m going home.” You sigh, moving to walk past her. “You should, too.”

“Hold on, I…”

You stop, waiting like she asked. If she was gonna ask you to hang out and share a sandwich again, she still wasn’t getting the answer she wanted.

She’s in a silent debate with herself for too long and you really, really wanted to go, so you say goodbye and start walking again. But just as you come shoulder to shoulder with her, she reaches out to touch yours and you wince back in pain. It just had to be the bruised one.

“Oh god, sorry.” She says as she takes her hand away. “Are you okay?”

“Obviously not, but I’ll be fine the next time we unfortunately cross paths again.”

“Wait, I just—”

“Look, Spidey, I really don’t have time—”

“Just take the tub of gel home then, if you don’t want me to take a look at it.”

What the hell was she talking about?

Then it hits you, and you freeze in place even before she says your name. Your actual name, written on your birth certificate and school records, written on that worksheet you shared just a couple of hours before.

Slowly, she begins to take off her mask. You almost want to tell her to stop but that wouldn’t change anything. Even if she didn’t show you her face now, you’d see it in two days time on Monday. Maybe even earlier if you happened to bump into her on the weekend.

Your greatest annoyance was the same person you thought you might’ve been developing a bit of a crush on earlier. You could not deal with any of that right now.

So you don’t.

“I know you’re probably freaked out by now, but I promise I haven’t—”

“I need to go.”

A crease forms between her brows. She starts to say something again but you’re quick to cut her off. “I need to go, okay? Just leave me alone.”

Hazel lets out a resigned sigh, looking to the floor as she nods. You fly faster than you ever have to get back home.

Your luck doesn’t get any better over the weekend when you get a fever on Sunday evening, making you miss class for the next three days. A paracetamol usually did the trick after a day, but the fatigue and exhaustion of your secret life was probably getting to you, too. But even with the ugly feeling of a fever, it was actually really nice to just stay in bed and drink soup for a change. It feels like you haven’t properly rested in weeks.

Your mind, however, was still restless. You tried not to look at the news too much in case there was some criminal that got away and it would just make you feel awful for not being able to catch them. But you tried even harder not to message Hazel to talk.

“Hey kiddo, your friend from school is here. Says she has the notes and homework you’ve missed since Monday.” Your dad pops his head in as he speaks. You can’t see who’s behind him, but it was probably Isabel. She’s been checking in on you constantly.

“Yeah, just let Isabel in, dad.”

“Not Isabel,” says a different voice as the door shuts behind her. Speak of the devil. “But I do have Isabel’s notes because they’re way neater than mine,” Hazel adds, a sheepish look on her face.

You don’t say anything as you watch her cross the room, shrugging off her backpack and gently placing it on the seat by your study table. Then she turns to you, and you’re surprised to see the tears welling up in her eyes. “Hazel, what—”

“Sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just…” She shakes her head, angrily rubbing at her eyes. “I thought something really bad happened to you.”

“It was just a fever,” you tell her as you sit up straighter against your headboard.

“You know what I mean.”

You did. You reach out and pat the space beside you on the bed. “Come on, come here.”

Hazel does as she’s asked. Her gaze was focused on your carpet but you could see that her eyes weren’t glistening with unshed tears anymore, although they were rimmed red. “I’m fine, I promise. The fever’s gone now and I’ve been cleared to go back to school tomorrow.”

She nods but she’s still not looking at you, so you take one of her hands in between both of yours in an attempt to make her. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted on Friday night. I just didn’t know what to say and it was… it was a lot to take in at the moment. I was so sure that nobody knew who I was. I panicked.”

“I haven’t told anyone, I swear.” Hazel looks at you then, holding your gaze like her life depended on it. “I know I talk too much but I would never do that to you. Never.”

You can’t tell if she’s quoting you from your last conversation or not on that last part, but you believe her. “I know. I’d never tell anyone about you either, Hazel.”

She looks down at your hands when you rub your thumb across the side of hers and, after a moment, she laces her fingers with yours. There was a burst of warmth in your chest and you could tell there was one in Hazel’s too. So much for your one rule of not dating anyone because of the dangerous part of your life.

Not that you thought the two of you were dating, though.

“So… now what?”

“Well, life goes on as it did before, I guess.” You scoot closer to her, smiling as you add, “But I guess we can hold hands every now and then, if you like.”

“Oh, I like. I very much like,” Hazel replies enthusiastically, a matching smile on her face. She holds on to your hand tighter. “Can I kiss you every now and then too?”

“You haven’t kissed me yet.”

But that’s changed in a heartbeat, both of you leaning forward at the same time. You tug her closer, unlacing your hands so you can bury one in her hair as the other holds on to the side of her face. Hazel kisses you slowly, but there was an urgency to it as well; like something could happen the next day that would ensure she would never be able to do it again — but all things considered, that was an unfortunate thing that very well could happen. You kiss her back just the same, savoring the moment and praying to every god out there that your mom or dad wouldn’t come barging in any time soon.

She pushes you down onto the bed and pulls away with a grin, planting kisses across your cheek and down to your neck. You hold back from verbally reacting to that and the feeling of her hands on your hips, her thumbs gently caressing the skin there. It takes too much energy for you to manage to say, “Hazel, Haze… my parents are home.”

Hazel brings her face back up to yours. Instead of looking disappointed, she just looks pleased. “I know, sorry. Got carried away — I have been fantasizing about this for a while now, though, so cut me a little slack.”

You giggle out an ‘okay’, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Also, if there’s any of that fever bacteria still in me, I apologize in advance if you get sick in a day or two.”

“Don’t even worry about me,” Hazel says with a shake of her head, leaning down to kiss you soundly once more. “I heal fast.”

[inkbagel]

Idk why I decided to bring this up again but why are people so weird about llorumi

I’ve seen. So many posts where they’re MAKING OUT and the caption says “don’t tag this as a ship guys!!! I hate them as a ship don’t tag it as such I don’t agree wit that!!!” Which is so weird to me and if you do that PLEASE explain your reasonings (but like in a nice way or I’ll block you too)

Someone told me very aggressively that they don’t want it to get tagged as a ship bc they don’t want people to confuse abusive relationships as romantic even though they had a bunch of posts about the same kind of relationship with two men and they said it was romantic so nobody thinks this is what romance looks like which is probably doing the opposite of what you want it to do bc you’re basically telling people abusive relationships are the opposite of romance which is not true. How do you think it evolved into an abusive relationship.

The way I interpret that is saying romantic relationships CANNOT have any abuse in them which is extremely bad to tell people because most abusive relationships stem from romantic relationships and saying they don’t can lead to people staying in abusive relationships instead of getting the hell outta there.

Someone else also told me aggressively that friends can make out platonically which like. Okay man. Keep kissing your homies on the mouth. You do you. No homo tho obviously. I TOTALLY get it.

I’m mostly just ranting about random people who hate me instead of the actual topic so on the ACTUAL topic why do yall hate llorumi so much but LOVEE Toxic yaoi/yuri. Why is sora and jordana homoerotically stabbing each other to death better than Lloyd and harumi romantically stabbing each other to death. What’s the difference. “Oh but harumis abusive and horrible!” So are all your favorite male characters. Leave her alone you hate women and you’re woobifying Lloyd. You’re just a horrible person.

And for the final time if you disagree with me cool tell me why just don’t fucking call me an idiot again bc I don’t kiss my homies goodnight I’m happy to debate I’m not going to fight

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 || 𝐊𝐲𝐥𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_ in the middle of a ripple in the force, the girl Ben Solo accidentally cursed turns out to be the princess that Kylo Ren desperately hunts.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ age gap (I’m 20, so reader too) Kylo was 29 in TFA as far as I know, fem reader, angst and I think that’s it.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞_ my Adam Driver era is beyond over, it happened in 2020 and were done. But I somehow ended up coming back to Kylo. I wrote this with bad blood remix (TV’s), so yeah… silly little me.

______________________________________________________________

All of Ben Solo’s past was long forgotten. Until he saw two girls in his dreams. A very young dirty girl in the desert. And a lookalike princess.

The dessert girl made him feel a pull to the light. The princess made him want to be a better general for the First Order, to give in everything to the dark side.

And so the time passed. Kylo Ren became stronger, and he was able to see the princess’ shadow. He had never seen her face, or so he thought. This young woman was delicate as a feather, she was gentle, all felt through a blurred vision.

He wished he could talk to her. She made him close his eyes and peacefully rest for the night. So he started trying to find her. Kylo Ren visited every galaxy to see if any of the princesses remaining alive was the girl of his dreams. But he failed continuously, and also his knights.

He just wanted to know her. He wanted to see why she made him feel safe.

…

You let the older’s woman fingers braid your hair. She finishes by scattering some little flowers across your braided hair and smiles at your reflection in the mirror.

“And done.” She says smiling.

“I highly appreciate it, Leia” You reciprocate the smile and stand up.

“I’ll let you finish getting ready, but don’t take too long. You know I hate having late people for briefings” you nod.

“I’m always on time, just let me…” you start wandering around your room, until Leia calls you, and you see her placing your mother’s crown in your head.

“Now you’re ready.”

I’m not a princess anymore.

“Wear it for her. For your loved ones… as a sign of respect” Leia says, maybe you were thinking too loud. You didn’t like being called princess, but most of the resistance did. General Organa could see herself reflected in you. A young princess that lost too.

“I miss them a great deal” you admit. It had been four years. The First Order destroyed your home planet. And you were the only survivor as General Leia Organa saved you.

“I miss her too. But that’s why you have to keep wearing the crown. As long as you remember them, they live” Your eyes water, Leia squeezed your hand in assurance.

“The force will always allow you to keep them close”

“Thank you. For everything…” she nods, smiling again, before leaving you alone.

You touch the crown. Looking at the tiny details. It was simple, undercover and very elegant after all. It was subtle, yet… it made you feel… weird.

The air changes. What felt like a warm sunny day, starts feeling like a cold cloudy dusk. You frown, looking away from the mirror. When you turn, you see a man in black robes, already looking at you, through a mask. The man of your dreams and visions. You stopped breathing, literally.

He was Kylo Ren. The Commander of the First Order. Master of the Knights of Ren. A Jedi killer…

“Who are you?” He asks, modulated and heavy voice that makes you freeze. Allowing yourself to feel scared.

Leia was right. He didn’t know about you. He didn’t remember you.

“Nobody” you answer.

“You’re a princess certainly.”

“I was one…”

“There’s still a crown on your head, Are you force sensitive?” You remain quiet, swearing to be hearing your heartbeats through your head and ears. He sounded calm, but very intimidating. Which made you feel goosebumps.

“No.”

“The force connected us then… Why?” there’s an idea of what was happening in your head. But he wasn’t able to understand it. He just knew you had to be important, if you weren’t doing it by yourself, the force picked you for something big.

“You know who I am.” He speaks again, giving a step closer, making you go backward. He noticed it.

“Everyone knows who you are.” The air feels suffocating. Your room seems to feel smaller, as the man projected inside of it was very big.

“Then you know I will find you.”

“I know.” You try to sound calm, which seems to unsettle him. You pretended very well.

“And you won’t do anything?”

“I’ll wait till that day to think about doing something” he wants to chuckle. But he can’t because he’s anxiously trying to pry more about you. He doesn’t know where you are, how old are you, who you are.

At the same time, both of you were shocked to finally face each other. After months of hearing and watching faded silhouettes of each other. It was rare…

“You should be afraid of me.” He added, walking even closer, being able to smell your perfume. He was now infatuated, totally obsessed with the idea of finding you. You felt it, which angered you. So you took your fear away and stepped further, facing his creepy mask closer.

“I won’t be scared the day you find me, Ren”

And the connection broke.

The sun was back again. The birds could be heard again. You touched your chest, as you felt in panic. You almost ran to the briefing room, praying that time would pass faster so you could have a word with Leia.

About why the force had connected you with his son.

…

Poe scratched the back of his head with his free hand. He was caressing his food tray as he approached the dining room and saw you gossiping with Connix, your best friend.

“I’m telling I don’t know. He just-“

Poe touched you and it made you jump scared. Connix let out a little startled yelp and the pilot started laughing.

“What are you talking about that has you all concentrated?” he took a seat in front of you and the girl beside you. Noticing neither of you had finished the food.

“Can you two finish your food? I don’t want any sick friend again” You started eating in silence, under the desperate look of Connix, who was practically begging you to tell Poe.

“This morning the force connected y/n with Kylo Ren” You rolled your eyes at Connix. Poe dropped his fork and looked at you in horror.

“WHAT?”

“Uh… yes, she’s right” you confirm to Poe, who looks beyond shocked.

“But.. Why?”

“I have my theories, but it doesn’t make sense” Your friends nod. And you just want to forget about the whole issue.

“He’s your space soulmate and the force wants to get you two together” You start laughing at Connix’s terrible joke and gently push her. Poe didn’t laugh.

“Connix, don’t joke about it. What if he wants to hurt her? What if he indeed wants to get together with y/n and worsens the war?” He’s right though. You sigh, focusing on your food instead.

“I need to be prepared. We’ll see each other eventually. I just feel it. But today… is all about you, my dear Poe. You and BB-8 must go and get that map. We need it…” everyone nods.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. The First Order has spies everywhere. One bad move, and they’ll be with you” Poe nods, knowing his colonel best friend was very meticulous about missions, especially when her friends were involved.

“I’ll be careful, princess y/n” You frown, and both Connix and Poe start laughing.

“I extremely hope so, Dameron”

The rest of the dinner flows fine. But you fear, about Kylo Ren discovering who you were before time.

…

Missing. That’s the only word in your head, knowing that BB-8 and Poe were missing was getting on your nerves. But Leia assured you to sleep and let her handle it. Uncomfortable, you went to bed against your own will, staring at the ceiling, questioning why it had to be such a long and weird day.

By the time you fell asleep, Poe woke up. Realizing he was at some First Order cruiser, Kylo Ren was looking at him. Poe sighed, knowing that he would likely end up hurt again.

Ren acknowledged him as the best pilot of the Resistance. Great to start.

“You have seen the map”

“And you have seen the girl,” Ren assured.

“What girl?” As soon as the pilot asked, he unveiled everything. Your connection with Ren, what you told him before talking about the mission. He accidentally gave Ren all the answers.

The map was with the droid and the girl was with the Resistance.

“Princess y/n of the fallen kingdom of Karyn and Colonel of the Resistance” Kylo Ren proudly said your name and titles. He smiled under the mask.

How he could have forgotten about Karyn and how they refused to be involved in the war. He never realized the daughters of the kings survived.

“NO!… DON’T YOU DARE TO HURT HER!” Poe yelled, trying to break the cuffs hurting him.

“I won’t, pilot. You can rest knowing that I won't hurt her” and with that, he left the cell. Only causing great pain for Poe, feeling guilty.

When Ren walked away, and when he turned to some hallway, he spotted you. He froze, there you were looking at the giant window, looking at the stars. You must be at the secret base of the resistance, but to him, you were with him. You turned, encountering him as if Kylo Ren was at the entrance of your balcony. He saw your dark blue dress and silver crown, you saw his hideous mask again.

“What have you done with my friend?” You ask.

“That rebel scum? To your luck, he is in a cell, alive.” You know he’s telling the truth.

“You must have what you need, let him go” For the first time, you noticed your height barely brushed his shoulders, he was massive, making you incapable of feeling some fear.

“I can’t, he’s a prisoner of the First Order.” You roll your eyes.

“LET HIM GO!” You yell, trying to keep calm, or else he will discover one of your little secrets.

“Don’t worry, soon or later you’ll join him. And it will be an honor to have you in my ship, Princess y/n of Karyn” you mentally cursed. He had one clue, he had opened the door to know everything to you. And he knew that you stuttered, being unable to talk. By the look on your face, he knew you were scared. And he liked it.

“Get out of my head.” And somehow, you broke the connection.

But under all the fear, you had one doubt. You wanted to know how he looked under that mask after all those years.

…

You needed to hear Poe, so as you fly with the Resistance to Takodana, you call him. You hadn’t seen him since he returned. BB-8 would be happy to see his friend there. It had been rough days. Your connection with Ren hadn’t happened again. But you constantly saw him trying to kill you along his knights in the desert. You brush away the frightening memory, hearing your dear friend calling you.

“Colonel Princess y/n, here is Poe Dameron. Permission to lead the division?” You smile widely.

“Permission granted, Dameron. Now don’t get into more trouble, I need you by my side after this?” He chuckles after some exchange of words, and he starts doing his job. You love how Poe loved to fly. He had to teach you how to fly a ship yet, but for now, you loved when he offered rides.

Your good thoughts soon are over. You turn to Leia, who’s already thinking the same as him.

“He’s here,” you say and she nods.

“Hide yourself as long as you can. But do not hide your ability to fight.” You nod, hiding your weapon in your belt, under your cape.

You join the fight and you can get rid of many stormtroopers. You see BB-8, Chewie, surprisingly Han Solo, and another boy fighting together and you want to run towards them. But a stormtrooper shoots at you. And while you were able to avoid him, others came out of nowhere. He hit your head and you almost fainted. You touched your head, hand covered in blood. Your vision was blurred and you felt how the troopers kicked you and picked you up, towards their ship.

You were too disoriented to do something, to fight. And yet, you felt him. You saw Kylo Ren carrying another woman. And when he looked at you, he left the girl and kneeled in front of you. Inspecting your wounds. You could hear his heavy breathing. But you refused to look at him.

“I said to bring me the princess, not to injure her” You keep looking at the floor, watching as some blood drops fall against the cold floor. His gloved hand caressed your temple and sent you to complete darkness, losing consciousness.

…

When you open your eyes, you are shocked to see Kylo Ren without his mask. You wanted to tear up, but you harshly refused.

“I cleaned your wounds”

“How gentle of you.” You speak, feeling your throat extremely dry.

“You must be something else. I can see anything, you are hiding your memories from me”

“Maybe you’re just not as good as you thought you were.” He makes an expression that you take as an extremely brief smile.

“Maybe you’re lying to me. Who are you, princess y/n?” He asks stepping closer. You can see his clean face with moles like you. His brown eyes and dark hair. You turn your head away from him. But he places his gloved hand on your chin, stopping you from squirming away.

“All I know is that Karyn fell years ago. Because it was one of my first missions as commander, I gave permission to attack. I remember seeing how the planet came to ashes” You turn to face him in shock, anger in your face.

“MONSTER!” You cry out in anger at his face. He killed your home, your people, your family, and your legacy.

“Let go of that, it would happen anyway. Karyn was a strong kingdom that wanted to remain isolated from the war” You let yourself cry a little.

“I assume it was Organa who saved you” You look at him with resentment, hate, and horror.

“But why you? You must be able to wield the force. You just don’t know yet. You’re being slower than the scavenger”

“So now I’m a prisoner?” Ren frowns before gently shaking his head.

“No, of course not. You’re my special guest. I'm taking you to Supreme Leader Snoke.” He said, inches away from your face. His proximity was making you even more angered rather than uncomfortable, so you looked at him deeply in his eyes. And you felt something as well as him. But both of you ignored it.

“Sir, your presence is urgently required at the command center” Two stormtroopers appeared at the door of the cell. You remained silent and the man rolled his eyes. He gave you one last look and left with the soldiers.

Maybe the mighty Kylo Ren had underestimated you because you could feel your weapon in your belt. And in less than a minute, you were out of the cell. You start moving away, and suddenly you collide in the chest of someone. Another girl, the scavenger.

“You are princess y/n,” she says excitedly. You knew she was force-sensitive, so she must’ve escaped from her cell too.

“And you must be the scavenger”

“I’m Rey. And need to get going. Han, Chewie and Finn are here. Let’s go!” She takes your hand and starts guiding you.

“Who’s Finn?” You didn't know him.

“Oh, you’ll like him. He has helped a lot” You only nodded.

“Did Ren went to see you?” Rey asks you.

“He did.”

“I can feel your connection with him. It’s weird, like you had met him before” You stop abruptly.

“I met him. He ruined my childhood” Rey is about to ask more, but she is interrupted by Finn and his friends.

“Han Solo, Chewie!” You greeted the man that you constantly saw as a kid, the Wookiee that played with you. For some minutes, you felt secure, even happy.

…

The first thing Kylo Ren saw after killing his father, was your face. You looked shocked, saddened, and enraged. You were with the scavenger and the traitor looking at what he did.

He felt your pain and in his rage, he felt even worse, he was desperate to know why the pain you felt as Han Solo died felt too personal. Like you had met him before.

Finn, Rey and you started running towards the snowy forest. You took advantage to start the Falcon and get out of there, Chewie let you know it was ready, but you heard their screams. Your friends must’ve been intercepted. So you knew it was over, Kylo Ren would know your secret, but you had to save your friends. You never asked to be a hero, but you had to act like one to succeed. You remember Karyn thought light and darkness were both the same. They were perfectly balanced and there was no beliefs on the Jedi or Sith.

You fight for them. Because they weren’t able to do so. You fight to keep being free.

Giving firm steps into the snow, they turn to look at you. Rey smiles briefly and Ren seems confused. But you take your weapon out, and you let your green lightsaber join the red of Ren and the blue of Rey.

Both seem shocked. But it takes a twist when you walk forward, giving the first attack. Kylo was taken aback by the sudden violence, but he concentred about giving a clean fight. He starts attacking back, but it seems to be more difficult for him, as it is two against one. Your ways of executing the lightsaber mixed a lot of techniques, which made it harder for Kylo to predict your next move.

Finn was heavily injured, so you tried to get close to him to help him. But it wasn’t easy.

“You and I. We’re connected, you know it.” Kylo says out of breath. Your saber collides with his, and you put all of strength to push him away.

“I can help you become more powerful” you frown. You don’t need that.

“I don’t care about power. I want to keep my freedom” you let your intrusive thoughts win. You remember what he did to you.

“You almost killed me once. Don’t you remember, Ben Solo?” In his sudden weakness at the mention of that name, Rey comes in and attacks too, you feel him get inside your head and the scavenger slides the saber against his face. You gasp in shock, almost dropping your saber.

“NO!” You scream, thinking he died. But you see him moving. And Rey is shocked to see how you rushed to his side.

You kneel beside him, only to see an awfull wound across his face, he seems to be lost, probably half unconscious. His face is sweaty and you sigh relieved to see he was alive. The moment feels soft, and he sees some memory that strongly appeared in your head. He closes his eyes and feels you.

The connection. You hated him, but you didn’t want him to die.

Kylo Ren sees himself as a seventeen-year-old student in Luke’s temple. When he was still Ben Solo. He was training with his friend Weenie, they didn’t agree sometimes, which led to heavy training sessions. The blonde padawan fought so hard, and Ben reciprocated. Without even noticing it, they moved around the area where the youngest kids were training. He was furious, Weenie said having bad dreams constantly leads to darkness. He was about to hit Weenie with his blue lightsaber when the blonde moved. Ben Solo heard a little girl cry, and when he saw, there was a girl at his feet, her padawan robes covered in blood and sliced open. His saber had burned her back and cut the top of her long hair and she was unconscious.

The little kids ran towards her. All of them yelled, “Y/N WAS HURT!” “BEN SOLO HURT Y/N! “TELL MASTER SKYWALKER!”

She was eight years old. He never knew who she was.

But when Kylo Ren opened his eyes, he saw the young girl. He couldn’t believe you were that girl. He had so many questions.

You caressed his swollen cheek and leaned to whisper in his ear.

“You took everything away from me. My Jedi training, my home, my family, my future.” He gulped, his hand landed on your hip, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. You stopped him.

“Being with the Resistance feels correct. But I don’t believe in the light or darkness anymore”

“I will see you lose this war, Kylo Ren. And you’ll feel what I did over the years” The hand on his cheeks pushed him further into the snow. And when he tried to stand up, you pulled his hair and crushed his skull again.

Rey took you away, running to take Finn and get out as the First Order base was about to disappear in lava.

But you couldn’t ignore the strange feeling in your stomach. You despise him. You were over the scars he left in your back. You try to forget about Karyn, your family. But you were extremely far away from forgiving Kylo Ren for destroying it.

Nonetheless, Kylo Ren didn't want to let you go and you didn't want to leave him alone.

And you knew it wasn't over. It had only started.

________________________

Go and say mean things in the comments, luv you and let me know if anyone wants part two.

[airaibunny]

dom!kazuha x sub!fem!reader - “all because of a concert sign” (warnings: smut, degradation, jealousy, fingering, thigh riding, begging, orgasm control, orders)

a/n: this was a request! also, the reader is the maknae, but not a minor! reader and eunchae have been aged up to fit the narrative!

word count: 1.8k

it’s currently 11:35 and you and the rest of your members are having a hard time saying goodbye to the fans at your concert. you all love hearing them cheer and scream your names, it makes you feel accomplished. tonight was a blast, like any other concert night, however, it would have been a lot funner if kazuha wasn’t staring daggers at you the entire concert.

she was so distant today, which is very unlike her, especially towards you. she’s normally quite the opposite, always all over you when she gets the chance. she does it in front of the fans too, more discretely of course, but she can never seem to keep her hands off you. which is why tonight was weird, she barely spoke to you, much less touched you. you did catch her staring at you a couple of times, but she looked angry, very angry. you can’t wait to get some time alone to ask her what was wrong.

after many tears and apologies for your departure, you finally all make it backstage. you rush towards kazuha, thinking you can finally talk to her, but the managers barely let you speak to each other before rushing you outside. you try to get a few words in when you get in the car, but kazuha still refuses to speak to you.

the rest of the car ride is silent and eerily long, it feels much longer than it did when you were on your way to the venue. you awkwardly sit wanting to touch her thigh or her hand, or even just have a conversation, but she won’t budge. you’re starting to get worried, did you do something wrong? you think back to everything you did at the concert, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, just the regular amount of fan service and some joke flirting with the fans. nothing you don’t normally do in front of her.

“stop shaking your leg, it’s gonna fall off.” eunchae jokingly shouts at you even though she’s directly at your side and startles you. kazuha turns her head to look at you but immediately turns back with an eye roll.

“manchae, lower your voice, my head hurts.” sakura shoots back at her and the car goes silent again. you finally arrive at home and nobody even tries to make small talk before rushing off to their bedrooms to get ready for bed. even when you’re finally inside you and kazuha’s shared dorm though, she doesn’t turn to look at you or pay any attention to you in the slightest.

“c’mon zuha, talk to me.”

she stops what she’s doing and turns to face you, the same anger in her expression as before.

“go talk to chaewon.” you roll your eyes with a sigh and look at her in disbelief. “is that what you’re mad about? we act like that all the time, this is not a new thing. plus, you know it’s just fan service, why is it bothering you so much today?” you walk closer to her and try to wrap your arms around her neck but she grabs your wrists before you can finish your motion. you gasp a little out of shock, and somewhat arousal. you hate to admit this, but seeing her this mad and possessive is actually turning you on.

“i’m mad about what i finally saw today. have you seen the things the fans write about you and chaewon? the requests they make a meet and greets? the concert signs with your ship name? and you go along with all of them. you’re just giving them more reasons to think there’s something happening between you two.”

her grip on your wrists tightens and she brings herself closer to you, practically breathing her words into your face and neck.

“you know it’s not like that, the fans’ narrative means nothing to me. you know i want you .”

“okay then, show me.” her hands leave your wrists and travel to your sides, pushing you back against your dorm room door. “i want you to do exactly what i say, then maybe i’ll believe you. do you understand?” you answer her with a breathy ‘yes’ and lean in for a kiss. she allows the kiss to happen for maybe a few seconds, then pulls away, leaving you longing for more.

“take your clothes off.” you obey her demand instantly, partially because you’ve wanted to rip your clothes off for the entirety of this interaction. you’re not used to her being like this, she’s normally very vanilla during sex, this kazuha is completely new.

once all of your clothes are off, she takes your wrists into her hands again and pins them above your head, shoving her thigh between your legs at the same time.

“you finish when i tell you to, got it?” the way the words sound coming out of her mouth nearly make you fail her demand on the spot. “got it.” “great.”

she begins kissing down your neck and collarbone and you can’t help but be completely entranced in the noises her lips make while in contact with your skin. you let yourself fall deeper into the sound when you feel her thigh start moving under you. your legs twitch and you almost fall over, but kazuha catches you.

“if you can’t hold yourself up now, how are we supposed to keep going?”

she goes back to leaving lipstick stains and bite marks all over your chest area almost as soon as she stopped, keeping your arms pinned above your head. you look down at her thigh and realize how much slick you’re leaving all over her. she notices you looking and smirks.

“do you like seeing yourself on me? does it make you horny?” you whimper an incomprehensible answer at her and earn a small chuckle in return.

“zuha.” you moan out her name, biting your lip after, trying not to make much noise.

“yes?” “feels tight, im close.”

she pulls you into a deep, slow kiss for a few seconds and pulls away with your bottom lip in between her teeth.

“not yet, hold on a little longer.” you squirm at her request, trying to stop the friction with her thigh, but she won’t let you. she uses one of her hands to guide your hips along her now flexed muscle, clearly aware of what she’s doing.

“can’t, i need to…” her other hand leaves your wrists and jumps to your jaw, moving your head so her mouth is right beside your ear. “you don’t need anything, you want it, because you’re a slut. tell me, do you want chaewon to touch you like this as well?

you vigorously shake your head, trying your best to hold off your impending orgasm. she forces your hips further down onto her thigh, driving you closer to the edge.

“zuha, i can’t keep holding, please.” she quickens the pace of your hips with her hand. “if you really want to get off, beg for it.” you want to take a second and think about your next words, but you can’t. your desire at this moment completely takes over and you blurt out the first words your already foggy brains comes up with.

“please zuha, let me cum. i want to get off so bad. it aches so much, just please.” you slur your words together as you get your best attempt out, hoping it was good enough for her.

“okay. go ahead, cum.” she barely finishes her sentence and you’re already letting yourself go. your head completely empties itself of any thoughts and you feel your legs completely lose balance, nearly falling to the ground once more. she lets you come back from your high and guides you to the bed.

she pushes you down, climbing on top of you and playing with your breasts. tugging and pulling at your nipples with her fingers while using her tongue everywhere else.

you suddenly become very aware of the fact that you’re completely exposed while all of her clothes are still on, so you try taking her shirt off.

“no, my clothes stay on tonight. you’re the one who wants to be played with, not me.”

that familiar sticky-hot feeling between your legs is suddenly back with just one sentence from her.

you pull her down to your lips by her shirt, opening your legs to let yourself feel her in between them. kazuha pulls away, tracing your facial features with her fingertip.

“look at you spreading your legs for me. what would the others think of this? their innocent little maknae being such a whore.”

you feel the blood rush to your cheeks and your core, you need kazuha to touch you, no more teasing.

“zuha, i want you inside of me, please.“

“wouldn’t you rather have chaewon inside of you?”

“kazuha, i only want you, please…just fuck me.”

she licks her lips and finally touches you like you’ve been wanting all night. she moves her fingers up and down your folds a few time before stopping at your entrance, locking eyes with you and inserting two fingers inside.

a heated moan leaves your mouth and kazuha slaps her other hand over your mouth.

“i’m the only one that gets to hear you, try to be quieter.”

she takes her hand away and places it on top of your breast, going back to playing with it like before.

her fingers move at a slow pace for the first few minutes, but gradually gain more speed.

you once again lower her to your face by her shirt, wanting to drown your moans in a delirious kiss. it works for a while, but kazuha pulls away just as she starts curling her fingers inside you, bringing her mouth to your clit. she stimulates you with her mouth while still keeping her fingers in you, pumping in and out even faster.

“zuha, feels good. don’t stop, please.”

she doesn’t tease back this time, she simply complies and continues giving you what you want.

you feel what must be the biggest wave of pleasure ever hit you and your vision goes blurry. she keeps her fingers inside you a bit longer, helping you finish comfortably. once you’re completely done, she finally takes her fingers out and you watch her lick them dry, much like she did with the rest.

when she’s done, she gives you a big gummy smile and cups your cheek with her hand. “i’m sorry i got so jealous, i truly had to reason to”

“it’s okay, i understand. but…”

she lifts an eyebrow at you awaiting the rest of your sentence.

“we could try to shift the fans’ views. it wasn’t that hard for them to like me and chaewon, they could start liking me and you.”

[y13evie]

Something that's living in my head: Cameron x reader where reader picks Cameron up from work and house is spying on them.

Btw love you fics luv❣️

i’m so sorry for the wait! here you go my dear ❤️

tags: nothin but fluff, gn! reader

it’s 7 o’clock pm. you’re sitting in an ‘employees only’ parking spot waiting for your girlfriend’s shift to end. the reservation you ordered for the surprise date was for 7:30. you anxiously tap the steering wheel, praying your dear, overworked girlfriend, isn’t too late. you grin as the doors open to the hospital and allison greets you with a warm smile. she makes her way to the passenger door and gets in the car, happy to be done with her shift. you sit and chat about her day, completely oblivious to the fact her slightly deranged coworker has gotten into his car as well. on a few occasions you’ve met dr. gregory house, he’s a funny guy to be around. a little weird; although, very intelligent. you two pulled out of the parking lot and began your trip to the restaurant. allison had been able to change out of her scrubs before she left, however you wouldn’t mind if she showed up in the most ridiculous thing ever. she was gorgeous.

absentmindedly listening to the sound of allison rant about the ups and downs of her day, you didn’t notice how the same black car follows you to your destination. however there are a lot of black car and you have bigger things to worry about. you pull into the restaurant and find a parking spot close to the entrance. allison has already walked far more than needed today. you hold her hand delicately as you enter the restaurant and are guided to your seats.

“i really do appreciate you”. she stares at you from across the table. she still makes your heart race like the first day you met.

“you know i’ll do anything for you, allison.” she smiles at the affection and looks down to see what she’ll want for dinner tonight.

the two of you scan the menu, unaware of the eyes burning holes into your heads. house knew something was up when dr. cameron was overly happy almost all day. nobody could be so excited at 8 am. so naturally, he had to investigate. now he’s here. at a nice restaurant, sitting in a booth alone ominously sipping on an extra dry martini. each time the waiter asks if he’s ready to start on anything he shoos him away, intently watching the situation.

before asking if your ready, your waiter approaches your table. he looks a little nervous.

“i’m so sorry for interrupting, but the man sitting in that booth over there had been watching the two of you all night.” he motions his head to house’s secluded booth.

allison scoffs and puts her hand up, “we’re fine, thank you.”. she gets up and you quickly follow, making your way to the booth. she slaps her hands down on his table.

“what the hell are you doing here.”

house looks around sheepishly, “eating? what else would i do at a restaurant?”.

“oh i don’t know, maybe stalking me?” she sighs in disbelief. house looks just as shocked, staring at her, wide mouthed. he throws his hands up in defeat. “maybe i was following you guys. BUT, only because you were way too happy to be at your job. i knew something was wrong.”.

“oh my god! nothing is wrong, no wonder you get a bad rep. you follow your colleagues.”. house rolls his eyes at her statement, looking you up and down. the three of you wait in silence until house breaks the ice.

“if i pay for your dinner will you leave me alone?”. the two of you look at each other and somehow telepathically agree on the offer. allison nods, and slowly backs away with you right behind her. you two sit back down at your original table and finally relax for a moment.

“free dinner is free dinner, right?”

[strawberryshortcake1495]

This scene through Mabel’s POV 💔

I lay alone in my room, sitting on the floor while looking through the scrapbook I have created. It contained all my memories of the summer. It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine. Then, I hear the door creaking open. I look up to see my Grunkle Stan. “Hey, everything alright, pumpkin?” He asks softly. “I just can’t believe the summer’s almost over; and now that I know how awful high school’s going to be, I’m in no hurry to start that train wreck.” I lamented, dumping all my sorrows onto him. Luckily, he seems completely sympathetic for me. He gently puts a hand on my shoulder and scoots a little closer to me. “Hey, nobody likes getting older.” He said to me. “But just because you’re grown up doesn’t mean you have to…” He hesitates. “Grow up, y’know? I mean, look at me. I’m pushing 70 and I still eat ice cream for dinner.” He said with a smile. As much as I tried, I couldn’t return that smile back to him. I hesitate before slowly leaning my head on his shoulder. “But I don’t want to say goodbye to Gravity Falls.” I said. “Hey, at least whatever happens after this summer, you’ll still have your brother along with you through thick and thin.” Stan reassured me. His face then shifted into a melancholic expression. “Not everyone can say that, y’know.” He said quietly. Then he smiled again, and this time, I found the strength in me to smile back. He tenderly ruffles my hair and leaves the room, waving goodbye as he does so.

I take a moment to consider his words. Yes, he’s right. He’s always right…most of the time. At least when I come home, I’ll always have Dipper. My lovely twin brother who always has a knack for mystery and nerdy stuff. The peanut butter to my jelly. My other half. I pull out a picture of us fishing and I take a moment to look at it. I see our happy faces. Surely, these bright smiles would never go away even if we’re back in Piedmont, right? Wrong. As I’m staring at the picture, I hear the walkie talkie in my backpack make a strange staticky noise. I hear Dipper’s voice. His words are inaudible, so I crawl towards my backpack and grab the walkie talkie. I hold it tight in my hands. I hear the voice of my Grunkle Ford. “Listen to me, Dipper. This town is a magnet for things that are special, and that includes you and me.” I hold it close to my ear at a safe distance so I don’t hurt my eardrums. “It brought us both here for a purpose. Stay here with me, Dipper. Become my apprentice. Don’t let anyone hold you-“ There’s a weird jumble of static and what sounds like rough coughing. But then the next words I hear are as clear as a mirror. “I’ll do it, I’m gonna stay.” My hands tremble and I drop the walkie talkie. It hits the floor with a soft clunk. The voices keep talking. “Excellent.” says Ford. “Now, who wants to save the world, apprentice?” The last thing I heard was him and Dipper laughing. My Dipper, gone forever. I look down at my hands and realize my whole body is shaking. What? Ford’s apprentice? Why would Dipper take the offer? Was he that obsessed with the mysteries of Gravity Falls? Did he…did he hate living with me that much? I try to pull myself together, because this is upsetting me and I can already feel a nervous breakdown creeping onto my back and up to my brain. I decided to talk to Dipper about it. I was very much hurt, but I still wanted to give him a chance. A chance to apologize, to eat his words, to tell me that what I heard on that walkie talkie was a sick joke. I grab that twisted thing and crawl onto the bed, hugging it close to my chest.

Hours passed and the sun was setting. I lay alone on my bed and hear Dipper bursting through the door. “Mabel, I just had the best day of my life!” He squealed, throwing his backpack onto the side. “UFOs are real, and there’s one under the town, and I saved Great Uncle Ford’s life and-“ He finally seemed to notice that I wasn’t looking too well. My back is turned to him, my eyes staring at the wall. They’re glossy with tears that threaten to spill like water breaking through a dam, drowning everything in its path. “Hey, are you okay?” Dipper softly asks. This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. Do I want to do this? Should I just tell him I’m fine and that he shouldn’t worry at all? No. I needed to talk this through with him. I needed to give him that chance. “Tell me it’s not true, Dipper.” I say weakly. I wipe my eyes dry of tears before sitting up to face him. “Tell me you were joking.” I say, showing him the walkie talkie. Dipper lets out a soft gasp and his eyes linger towards the one in his backpack. Ah, he’s finally putting it together. Well, there’s no turning back now. “Ford’s apprentice? Seriously?” I continue on. “Look, I was thinking and…this is a huge opportunity for me.” He tries to defend himself. I tug at my hair and I feel my tears building up in my eyes once again. This time, the dam wasn’t strong enough to keep it contained. “Well, it’s a horrible opportunity for me!” I snapped. Ugh, not again. Stop it. Stop crying, you big baby. Be a big girl. I can’t. I can’t be a big girl, and I don’t think I ever will be. “I had the worst day of my life.” My voice breaks, and I jump off of my bed. “When we turn 13, the summer ends and I have to leave everything behind.” I turn to face him once more. “You’re the only person I can count on and now you’re leaving me too?” I said sadly. “Look, I’ve been thinking about it. I won’t be gone forever, okay? I’ll still visit you at home and chat online. We’ll make it work.” Dipper says. I turn around and grab the scrapbook, opening it up and staring at the pictures. Our bright eyes and happy smiles didn’t feel so sincere anymore. “I don’t want it to work. I just wish summer could last forever.” I said, trying to focus on the pictures. I just needed some way to comfort myself. “But it can’t, Mabel.” Dipper walks towards me and kneels down, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Look, things aren’t gonna stay frozen this way. It’s part of growing up. Things change, summer ends.” He tells me. I look up at him, my wet eyes meeting his dry ones. That’s when I decided that I didn’t want to grow up. I didn’t want to grow up if that meant sacrificing every good thing in my life for a dull and meaningless existence. I pull away from his touch, running straight towards the door. Dipper falls flat on his face, and I hear him calling out to me, but I don’t care. I’ve given him his chance, and he blew it. Because he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m just holding him back, right? Then he won’t care if I just disappear off the face of the earth. Nobody will care. I’m just the manic pixie dream girl that everyone hates, but there’s no one who hates me more than myself.

[iluvxiaaa]

— darkness // e42! miles x spiderwoman! reader

“ and this darkness appears .. leaving me stranded..”

— in which e42 miles and reader fights, not knowing who each other are under the mask.

— not proofread at all. if found a mistake please tell.

— angst and heads up, I don’t have any experience with writing fanfics so if it’s bad please give tips and not hate !!

it was a beautiful scenery at night, the luminous serene moonlight seeping through the darkness. quite a perfect time for crime.

you sat on the roof of a random building, watching over the city, waiting for something to happen. a reason to beat someone into their right sense. it was never really serious fights, just villains of the week.

but there was only one villain that has been really on your ass. the prowler. he’d never leave you alone, always popping up out of nowhere. though you hate him with your soul, it was quite thrilling. a thrill you never got from other villains. but this doesn’t change anything, the hatred burns within.

you continue to the city closely, getting out of thought. it was too calm for a night in brooklyn…this is suspicious. “ ain’t nobody out tonight? this shit mad boring, I’m glad ion got school tomorrow, I would’ve been mad asl. ” you chuckled at the end of the sentence.

suddenly, it went silent. even the animals stopped. you checked your surroundings, looking around. a mask glows in the distance, staring directly back at you as he steps closer. you knew who it was, and you weren’t scared. you and the prowler had fought plenty of times.

“ took you long enough. ” you said in a fake voice, getting up and stretching. “ shut yo ass up, bet you were waitin tho. ” he replies, in a voice that has been changed and autotuned by the mask. “ yeah, so what? we gon fight or naw? ” you said, putting your fists up. “ yeah. ” he says as he rushes towards you, his claw coming into reach of you.

in a swift move, you dodged it. using your web, you grabbed the back of his head and slammed it into the ground. but he quickly got up after and charged at you again, this time not missing.

he slightly slashed at your face but got your arm as well. you quickly backed away, holding your now bleeding arm.

you knew that you had to get away and quickly.

you quickly jumped off the building, connected a web to another building, and swung away, quickly. you turned around to check if he was following and he was. he was on his purple motorcycle, driving fast.

you quickly dropped into an alleyway and climbed up the wall, clinging on for dear life and slowly breathing.

the prowler then walked in with his hand claws baring. he looks around but not up, you are so thankful for that. after he checked the area, he hopped on his motorcycle and drove away.

after a few seconds you jumped down and sighed. “ finally. ” you said sighing. you started to walk home.

when you were on your porch, which is connected to your window, you felt weird. like someone was watching you. As you were turning around you got tackled.

“ what yo ass doing over here ? ” the prowler asked, choking you, he seemed angry. “ don’t worry abt it. ” you said back, annoyed. you wasn’t tryna fight anymore, you just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep.

“ nah I think I will. don’t come back over here. matter fact, I’ll kill yo ass right here, right now. ” “ youn even got to do allat. ” you replied. you knew he wasn’t playin either by the way his grip keeps tightening.

you slowly lifted up your hand and used your web to pull his mask off but it didn’t work.

“ dumbass. ” he replied. his mask didn’t work like yours did, you couldn’t just easily pull it off.

you got ready to say something but couldn’t. it wouldn’t come out. a sharp pain was felt in your stomach. did he..? no.. it couldn’t be.

you looked down to see his claw stabbing you. he was staring straight at you as he did it. this was really it.

a tear tried to run down your eye, but it was stopped by your mask. he was still staring at you. “ who were you anyway. ” he asked as he pulled off your mask.

his eyes widened when he saw your face. “ ain’t no way.. ” he mumbled as he was frozen in place. you look at him with half-closed eyes. “ who are you..might as well tell me if I’m gonna die. I need to know who killed me. ” you said, struggling to even get it out.

his mask came off and it was miles, your boyfriend. “ oh.. ” “I…didn’t..” he started, you noticed his hands was slightly shaking even and that he had an angry but confused look on his face. “ you were…spiderman..? ” he asked, eyes still widened. “ nahhh. ” you joked, letting out a breathy chuckle.

he had a serious expression on his face. “ this isn’t the time to laugh. ” “my bad.” silence fell as you felt the world getting darker.

“ you know I love you right? don’t forget that. ” you said looking up to the sky, you didn’t have the energy to lift your head up to look at him anymore. but you knew that he was staring directly at you.

the darkness took over your vision. before you knew it, you were dead.

tears fell from his eyes but his face had no emotion. he had kissed your cheek, put back on his mask and stood up.

of course it was you. how couldn’t he tell? that obvious deep voice you did. it wasn’t that different from your voice. the voice he would never hear again.

he couldn’t believe he killed you. YOU. the one he swore to protect, died by his hands.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (52)

*Mizzen’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night* Read [this] first.

Mizzen: *is singing to himself* 🎶C’mon, Percy Price, C’mon~. I need my bacon pizzas~. I need them now~. I need my bacon-🎶

Dill: Hey, gremlin, what are you doing? And why are you singing about pizzas in the middle of the night?

Mizzen: WTH, Dill?! Don’t sneak up on me like that! My heart might explode!

Dill: Shouldn’t you be sleeping right now?

Mizzen: Shouldn’t you?!

Dill: Maybe~. But who are you waiting for at this hour?

Mizzen: Nobody.

Dill: I don’t believe you.

Mizzen: Go back to sleep, Dill.

Dill: No.

Mizzen: Then leave me alone-

Dill: I’ll wake up the others if you won’t tell me the truth.

Mizzen: Dill, just go to sleep-

Dill: Reaper! Tanner! Coral-

Mizzen: Shhhhh!!! What are you doing?! Don’t wake them up-

Lucy Gray: Wake who up?😀

Mizzen: Nobody, Baird! Now shoo-

Jessup: Mizzen, stop shouting-

Mizzen: Close your eyes, Jessie!

Jessup: The name’s Jessup!

Mizzen: Tomato, potato!

Coral: Yo, brat, shut your mouth-

Mizzen: Why are you even awake, Coral?! Can’t you leave poor Mizzen alone for the next 3 hours?!

Coral: Why? You gonna cry?

Mizzen: You guys are so mean to poor Mizzen!😫

Tanner: Says the little gremlin who ate Wovey’s last cookie.😒

Mizzen: She gave it to me!

Bobbin: No, she didn’t, you monster!

Wovey: Is it morning already?

Velvereen: No, sweetie. Go back to sleep.

Wovey: Okay~. *goes back to sleep*

Lucy Gray: Hey, guys, look at that!

Velvereen: Look at what?

Lucy Gray: *points at the upcoming pizza truck* It’s a pizza truck! A pizza truck!

Jessup: A pizza truck? At this hour?

Treech: A real phantom pizza truck?! Where?!

Lucy Gray: There! Right there!

Dill: That’s weird. It’s coming right towards us.

Tanner: The pizza guy sucks at driving though.

Lucy Gray: Lol. It’s now swerving in every direction.

Facet: Is drunk driving even legal in Panem?

Velvereen: Maybe it’s just a Capitol thing.

Tanner: That checks out. Capitol people are weird AF.

Treech: Or maybe it must be another one of Reaper’s fever dreams.

Reaper: Why the f*ck would I dream about swerving trucks and pizzas in the middle of the night, lumberjack?!😡

Treech: Why not, farmer~?😏

Reaper: Who you calling farmer?!

Treech: Farmer Reaper busy kissing his hoe-

Reaper: Do you want me to punch you to the moon and back, Tree Boy?!

Lamina: Treech, shut the f*ck up or I’ll cry!😭

Treech: You’re already crying, Lamina.

Lamina: No, I’m not!😭

Persephone: *suddenly jumps out of the pizza truck* Hi, Mizzen!

Mizzen: Oh, thank Panem! Percy, you’re finally here-

Coryo: *is being princess carried out of the pizza truck by Sejanus* Hi, Birdy! How you doing?

Lucy Gray: Oh, Coryo, you look so cute in those matching pajama onesies with your fiancé!🤭

Coryo: Thanks. My soon to be husband bought it for me.

Lucy Gray: Can I have one too?🥺

Coryo: Sure. We’ll buy you a sparkly one.

Lucy Gray: Yey!

Sejanus: *is still carrying Coryo* Hi, Marcus! How are you-

Marcus: Go away, Plinth! Marcus is still asleep!

Sejanus: But-

Vipsania: Yo, bro, you good?

Treech: I’m good, bro.

Vipsania: Bro, I brought you a box of tiramisu flavored energy bars to devour.

Treech: Nice one, bro!

Vipsania: You’re welcome, bro.

Livia: Hi, ✨bestie✨~! How do I look in my pajama onesie?

Facet: Girl, you look ✨fabulous✨ as always!❤️

Livia: Thanks, ✨bestie✨! You’re the best!

Facet: ✨Girlie✨, I know.😌💅

Juno: Hello again, Peasant Bobby Corn Poppy.

Bobbin: It’s Bobbin.

Juno: Corn Poppy.

Hilarius: Where’s Wovey?

Velvereen: She’s asleep.

Hilarius: But I brought her a box of apple berry pie-

Wovey: I’m awake.

Hilarius: That’s great!

Wovey: Now give me my pie, rich clown.

Hilarius: But Wovey-

Wovey: Pie. Now.

Hilarius: Okay.😞

Felix: Hi, Dill!

Dill: Don’t talk to me, you filthy Ravinstill.

Felix: But-

Reaper: F*ck off and die, Ravinstill!

Felix: Andie, hug me! I’m sad again!😭

Androcles: *hugs Felix* Hey, Panlo, where’s Sheaf?

Panlo: She’s busy sleepwalking with the rabid raccoons.

Androcles: Oh, okay. That’s cool.

Panlo: And Gaius?

Androcles: He’s busy fixing the pizza boxes with Clemensia, Dennis, and Palmyra!

Mizzen: WTH, Percy! Why did you bring the other Mentors with you?! I thought this super secret plan was only between you and me?!

Persephone: It was! Well, it was until we had this super secret ✨slumber party✨ at the Presidential Palace!

Mizzen: You had a super secret slumber party without me?!

Persephone: To be fair, it was a last minute thing. But anyway, here we are!

Mizzen: That doesn’t make sense.😑

Festus: *pops out from the back of the truck* You should be grateful, gremlin! We even had to steal the pizza guy’s truck in order to get here.

Lucy Gray: Nice. But what happened to the pizza guy?

Coryo: Gaius and Dennis knocked him out and tied him up in front of the Presidential Palace.

Jessup: But he’ll be fine, right?

Coryo: Maybe.

Mizzen: So where’s my pizzas and my 10 gallons of milk?

Persephone: At the back of the truck. However, Palmyra chugged all the milk down her throat. So-

Mizzen: That walking anomaly drank 10 gallons of milk without me?!

Persephone: Yeah.😑

Velvereen: I’m not even surprised anymore.

Coral: Yo, Percy Price, how many boxes of pizza did our gremlin ordered anyway?

Persephone: 20 boxes.

Coral: 20 boxes?!

Jessup: For all of us?

Mizzen: No! Not for you! They’re only for me, Jessie!

Jessup: This freaking gremlin-

Mizzen: *screeches like a dinosaur* Only for me!!

Coral: Sharing is caring, brat!

Mizzen: Never, you evil sea witch!

Coral: What did you just call me?!

Mizzen: Sh*t! *tries to climb out of the enclosure*

Persephone: Mizzen, what are you doing?! You could get hurt-

Mizzen: The evil sea witch and her evil minions are bullying me!

Coral: Come down and fight me, gremlin!

Treech: Lamina, fetch!

Lamina: Do I look like a freaking dog to you?!😭

Treech: No.

Lamina: Oh, okay.

Treech: Go get him, girl!

Lamina: I’m going back to sleep!😭

Mizzen: Get me out of here, Price! I need to eat those bacon pizzas before they do!

Persephone: Mizzen, get down from there!😫

Coryo: Felix, do something!

Felix: *is still crying* Don’t talk to me. I’m still sad!😭

Coryo: Get it together, Class Pres!

Felix: No-

Coryo: How are we going to tell them about your brilliant plan to stop the Hunger Games if you keep on crying?!

Felix: What brilliant plan?

Coryo: ✨Operation Restore Felix Ravinstill’s Good Name✨!!

Festus: No! We are not calling it that!

Coryo: Fine! ✨Operation No More Hunger Games✨ it is!

Festus: Bestie, I’m cringing.

Coryo: Ugh! I give up. Call it what you want. I don’t care.

Felix: Then can we stick with ✨Operation Felix✨?🥺

Everyone: No.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

^^ (sending this one after seeing the most recent snippet and am totally not excited to see how buck's pulmonary embolism goes with shannon there totally not wondering if the lawsuit Still happens :))

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 im excited if you couldnt tell

This is.... This is so many...

459 for 🔼 and 375 for 🚨... I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DELIVER. SO.

I will do these numbers or 1000 words - whatever comes first!

---

🔼:

---

All he can think about is whether or not this is going to set him back. Whether or not this will delay his return. It can’t. It won’t. Right? It doesn’t impact his mobility. 

“You didn’t have to come,” Buck says when Eddie walks into his room. “I’m fine. And Chris-”

“Has Shannon,” Eddie says. “I wanted to come. How are you feeling?” 

“Weird mostly,” Buck lies. “Can’t believe that all happened in Bobby and Athena’s backyard.”

“Yeah,” Eddie frowns. “It was, uh… It was something.”

There’s something in his expression. Something Buck doesn’t understand. 

“Shit,” he guesses. “Is Chris scared? I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head a little. “Uh, he was, but… Shannon’s got him. He’s okay.”

But still, Eddie looks troubled. 

“Is something else wrong?” Buck asks. 

“No,” Eddie assures him. “Just glad you’re okay.”

“I’ll be okay when I can get back to work,” Buck grumbles. “I swear, if this sets me back…”

“Then it will just be another setback, Buck.” Eddie interrupts. “Nothing more.”

Buck feels a pulse of frustration. Not him too.

“You don’t get-”

“Yes, I do,” Eddie says. “Medically discharged, remember? I’ve got bullet wound scars, Buck. I didn’t get to finish my second tour. I do get it.”

Buck shuts his mouth. Right. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to respond to that. 

Maybe Eddie just doesn’t get it, is the thing. The same way Maddie definitely doesn’t get it. Okay, yes. Eddie understands the medical/injury side of all of this. Getting shot multiple times definitely sucks. Buck can’t imagine the recovery. Especially having to travel overseas to recover. But Eddie had a place to go home to. A spot carved out for him in the world. A family. What does Buck have if he can’t go home? He will slip further and further away from who he wants to be. From the kind of person people care about. 

He’s been entirely alone before. He can’t do it again. 

“Yeah, okay,” Buck mumbles eventually. Just to end this conversation. Nobody else is going to get it. “You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Eddie says. “It’ll all work out, okay?”

Buck nods. Offers him a thin smile. 

“Okay.”

ii.

Eddie doesn’t hear about it from Buck directly. Though, he wishes he would have. Instead, he hears it from Bobby at the beginning of their next shift. 

“Buck is being put back on leave on account of what happened the other night,” he explains to the team. “We’ll assess the situation as it progresses.”

There’s something tight and uncomfortable in Bobby’s expression when he says it. It takes a few more hours for Eddie to learn why. 

“He completely freaked out at Bobby when Bobby told him,” Chim tells Eddie and Hen later. “Says he quits. Maddie says he’s practically catatonic now.”

“What do you mean catatonic?” Eddie asks. 

“He’s hardly getting out of bed. Hardly talking to her. Hardly doing anything at all,” Chim explains.

“Poor guy,” Hen sighs. “This job is his whole world.”

“But it’s not,” Eddie says. 

He hates that. How could that be true? Aren’t there things that matter to him just as much? In fact, Eddie knows there are. He saw the way Buck lost his mind in the winter when he thought Maddie was in danger. He’s seen Buck spend time with Christopher, and the joy it brings him. A sincere, bright light. So the job isn’t his whole world. Buck loves so much outside of it.

“I guess you didn’t really know him when he started,” Hen says gently. 

She leaves it at that. Eddie feels a deep knot of frustration in his stomach. He doesn’t really know why he’s so bothered, but he is. 

iii.

After a week of sequestering himself, and ignoring his sister’s frequent attempts at preventing this, it’s Eddie who finally gets Buck out of the loft. Not that Buck is happy about it. He’s decidedly not. In fact, he’s regretting ever giving the bastard a spare key. 

Eddie breaks and enters, the scoundrel, way too early in the morning and practically forces Buck out of bed. 

“Why?” Buck groans. 

“You didn’t answer my texts,” Eddie says. “I need a favor.”

“I didn’t?” Buck mumbles. “I meant to.”

He had. Really. He had. He saw the notifications come in. From Eddie and Maddie and a few others… And he’d resolved to open them later. When he felt more up to it. Which had apparently not come. Or he’d forgotten. And fell asleep… Whoops?

“No, you didn’t,” Eddie confirms, ripping the duvet off of Buck. Buck feels the chill of the AC. “Come on. Get up. You have shit to do today.”

“No, I really don’t,” Buck says, reaching for the covers to pull back over his shoulders. 

“Well, I told Shannon you’d take her and Chris to her appointment today, so yes, you do.”

That makes Buck sit up. “What? Why would you tell her that?”

“Because that’s the favor I need, man. And I think it would do you some good to get out of the house.”

Buck frowns. If Eddie and Shannon need help he wants to help them but he actually loathes the idea of getting out of the house. 

“She has an ultrasound, and I already feel bad enough that I can’t make it,” Eddie explains. “Let alone help her watch Chris during the appointment. I would really appreciate you driving her and sitting with Chris in the waiting room.”

Buck sighs. “Yeah, of course. Of course I will.”

Eddie’s smile looks a bit relieved. “Thank you.”

Buck nods. “It’s all good. Just… Give me the details.”

It’s not a big deal, Buck thinks. He’ll drive to the appointment. Sit with Chris. Maybe they’ll grab lunch. And then he’ll come back home. To nothing. To this endless nothing he’s got on his plate lately.

---

🚨:

---

They don’t really sleep properly that night. 

Christopher doesn’t want to be alone. He’s scared and uncertain and Buck can’t exactly say no to him right now for routine’s sake. He’ll do anything he can to comfort him right now, even if it means sour gummies and a movie in bed well after the time Eddie would normally want him to go to sleep. They lay in Buck and Eddie’s bed, watching Disney movie after Disney movie, and every time a frankly exhausted Buck starts to drift off, Christopher shakes him awake. 

“You must be getting tired,” Buck yawns sometime around midnight.

“No,”Christopher shakes his head. But Buck can see his eyelids drooping. He needs to sleep. 

“Chris, buddy, I can tell you’re tired,” Buck says.

“Don’t wanna sleep,” Chris complains. 

“Why not?” Buck asks.

“What if something else happens while I’m sleeping?” Chris asks. 

“Oh, bud,” Buck ruffles his hair gently. “I know you’re scared. But you need sleep, otherwise your body will feel worse, and you’ll be even more scared tomorrow.”

Chris sighs. “Can I stay here?”

“Of course,” Buck nods. “We can even leave the movies on, if that’ll help you sleep.”

“Okay,” Chris relents.

Buck kisses his forehead, then stands up, grabs the candy, and walks it all back into the kitchen. He takes a deep breath, trying to stave off a rolling wave of dread in his stomach. He grabs Chris a glass of water, and walks back towards the bedroom. When he gets there, Chris is already asleep. 

ii.

When Buck sleeps, he dreams. And when he dreams, it’s all nightmares. It’s Eddie dying in the desert, to the whir of broken helicopter blades. It’s John dying in the city streets, bullets ricocheting off fire engine metal. Everything is backward and twisted and wrong. At one point, he dreams that he knows Eddie and John are both bleeding to death in their respective hellscapes, but Buck is running around his childhood suburb, trying to find a way to either of them. 

It’s all paralyzing and upsetting and endless. Endless until Chris shakes him awake early in the morning, begging to know if there are any updates on Eddie. But there aren’t. He’s still in the ICU. Still unconscious. Still recovering. 

“I’m sorry, Chris,” Buck whispers, hugging him. “I wish I had more news.”

Pepa comes to spend the day with Christopher so Buck can go to the hospital. He feels torn. He needs to be with Eddie. But Christophers needs him, too. He can’t be in two places at once, and Chris can’t see Eddie in the condition he’s in. 

“Don’t feel guilty,” Pepa tells him. “Christopher knows you’re here for him. Go sit with my nephew and make sure he knows, too.”

So Buck does just that. He goes to the hospital and sits at Eddie’s bedside for hours upon hours. He holds Eddie’s limp, clammy hand in his own, eyes fixating on the way Buck’s engagement ring looks against the unusual pallor of his fiancé’s skin. 

“You have to be okay,” Buck tells him quietly at one point. “I know that’s not super fair of me to say. Because… Well, it’s your body doing all the work to heal you right now. I’m just sitting here.”

Eddie’s monitors beep. The room is deafening and silent all at the same time. Buck wants to scream.

“Uh, listen… I know… I know it’s crappy of me to bring it up,” Buck continues. “But Christopher and I both have some baggage in this department. So you’re really not allowed to die. It would just… It would fuck us both up way worse. And Chris? He’s got some wiggle room, right? But me? Man, that’s it for me.”

His throat tightens. 

“I don’t want to live without you, Eddie,” Buck rasps. “I’ll take care of Chris. I’ll be here. But I’ll… I’ll never be fully okay again, Eddie. This… This, of everything, will be the worst thing to ever happen. So please, please don’t die. I know I’m being selfish. But I need you. I love you so much and I need you.” 

But Eddie doesn’t stir. 

He’s somewhere faraway. Unreachable. It doesn’t matter how much Buck needs or loves him. How scared Buck is. He will simply have to keep waiting.

iii.

This is largely the cadence of Buck’s next several days. Wake up, take care of Chris, wait for Pepa or Liliana to come over, go to the hospital, stay as long as he can, go home, take care of Chris, try to sleep, mostly fail. Rinse and repeat. 

Chris is doing a little better every day. He’s sleeping in his own bed again. He’s back on a regular schedule. The relative limbo they’re in seems to be okay for Chris, as long as nothing scary or sudden happens. It’s not killing him the way it’s killing Buck. 

Buck hasn’t gone back to work. Bobby has unofficially benched him.

“I think you should take time off until Eddie’s out of the woods,” Bobby had told him.

“I’m going to go crazy, sitting and thinking about it all day,” Buck had protested. 

“You’re not in the right headspace to work, Buck. Your partner is in critical care. You can come to your shifts, but your man behind.”

So there’d been no point. He might as well sit and worry about Eddie with Eddie. 

He does do more than just fret, though. He calls Eddie’s dad. Arranges for him to come stay with them for a few days. He wants to see Eddie. He’s concerned. Buck’s just glad he’s showing up. He talks to Christopher’s teachers. Makes sure they all know what’s going on, and that Chris has the extra support and understanding he needs in class right now. Chris insists on going to school as normal, which goes to show how great of a kid he is. At his age, Buck would have done anything to get out of math class.

[ppenguinpperson]

THE TERMINATION OF RT465-002 (dr ostrov belongs to @mayyak, ms schuhart belongs to @tarot-the-silly-one)

5.4. 19:30 This is my first time alone since the experiment started yesterday. I will keep this short.

Nobody seems ‘too disturbed’ yet. Only Dr. Ostrov left, but that was to be expected. Ms Schuhart is trying to stay professional. Unsure how long that will last. Neither of their participations are necessary, but if everyone who is to participate in this experiment quits, what then? Will I have to monitor it on my own? I’d handle it, but I would rather my colleagues grow a spine than for it to come to that.

Half of the subject’s heart + brain have been removed.

6.4. 23:10 Busy day. No time to write an entry. Dr. Ostrov still isn’t here. Ms Schuhart is still working with me. Considering requesting somebody to replace Dr. Ostrov if he doesn’t come in tomorrow.

7.4. 13:50 I have time to write my thoughts now. Dr. Ostrov did not come in yesterday, and I’m beginning to doubt he will come in today. Despite what I wrote yesterday, I don’t want to take an opportunity like this away from him. If he doesn’t come in today, a phone call would be appropriate – if not out of personal interest, then out of professional interest. Maybe a text message would be better than a phone call.

Ms Schuhart is currently working on a separate project. I believe she will return. Despite our differing views, I’d dislike for her to resign from this project. Should I thank her? No, that would hint to– Maybe  “I know this is not easy for you. I appreciate your cooperation.” Would that be appropriate?

8.4. 10:15 My schedule is tight today. About ¾ of the heart was removed, as well as another half of the brain. I sent Dr. Ostrov a message, and found out he will not be participating in this any further. I’ll request somebody to replace him. Ms Schuhart is still working.

9.4. 17:50 I’ll take a break at the end of this week (12.4.). Not too long. Or – not a week. 8 days. The 7 days mark is important, and there might be development to observe, decisions to be made. Instead, I will – Tomorrow will be– I’ll take a break at the end of this week (12.4.). Not too long. Or – not a week. 8 days. The 7 days mark is important, and there might be development to observe, decisions to be made. Instead, I will – Tomorrow will be–

A break would help my productivity, but leaving for too long is unacceptable. What qualifies as ‘too long’? From my experience it varies. It’s natural for my colleagues to get caught up in work, but would it be weird to get caught up with this? Would they think so… Mm. I’ll ask Viktor about this.

10. 4. 18:30 Found a replacement for Dr. Ostrov. Ms Schuhart is missing today. I was not aware she held a fondness for RT465, and was under the assumption she disliked the subject, but I am not surprised. Sentimental ones like her always give out.

Perhaps somebody else from another department would be a better fit for this experiment? Somebody that didn’t know the subject – but would I be forced to quit this experiment then, as its primary handler? I don’t want my “worry over Dr. Ostrov and Ms Schuhart” to be mistaken as grief. If the latter desires, she can resign from this experiment herself, no? But as the one leading this experiment, it is my duty to do something about this.

I will stop writing down the time unless it is important, too (waste of time).

11.4.  I suspect Petro Volkov would have been capable of participating/monitoring this experiment. Though he was a difficult man, he wasn’t bothered by ‘morals and ethics’. It pains me to flatter him, and it only pains me further to wish he were here.

Removed ¾ of the heart and ⅓ of the brain. + Ms Schuhart is back.

12.4. The subject’s ‘heart’ (a red clump)  is thrashing, not really beating, but there is still a pulse. RT465 could have been our greatest work, had it not been– as it was. Had it been better. It’s a shame, even I can see that. Ms Schuhart + the other one are working as instructed.

13.4. An intern joined us today, but I sent it away before he could contaminate the project (vomit). Terrible. I worry that I underestimated the ‘cruelty’ of this experiment, and am ‘under-reacting’... Though I heard that that’s a natural grief response, too, I don’t want to be mistakenly accused of ‘grieving’ the subject–

I have not yet taken my break!! But I was right not to leave my coworkers (the intern) today, had he thrown up in the subject’s chest. But, when should I go? 3 weeks would be most practical. Any errors should become clear before then. Around the 25th? But that’s near the end of the month– the 20th? But that’s too soon…

14.4. My colleagues are working as instructed. Dr. Ostrov hasn’t returned to work at all since he left. Visiting him would be bad for my productivity. I’ll send him another message. That’s the right thing to do, I believe.

The experiment has been going on for 10 days. I’m happy :) Removed ⅓ of both heart + brain. Sometimes I think I see it twitching/seizing? Administer more anesthetic/Possibility the subject isn’t getting enough nutrition to heal properly.

15. 4. Busy day. Working on other experiments + this. Colleagues working as instructed.

16. 4. Busy day. Colleagues are working as instructed. Checked schedule. I was right, we’ll be understaffed at the end of the month. Break in may?

17. 4. The replacement for Dr. Ostrov resigned. I’m once again thankful for Ms Schuhart’s cooperation. However I’ve been thinking about having her off the experiment. It’s clear she doesn’t approve of this. Her disapproval could have a negative effect on the experiment, ex. She could refuse to work one day. And I don’t want to ‘owe’ her.

Her resigning by herself would be– worse. Three people resigning from the same experiment… bad!!! Don’t want this cut short. I could work on the experiment with only one assistant – I will request this. Unsure how to get Ms Schuhart off the project in a normal way. Removed ⅔ of the heart and ⅓ of the brain.

18. 4. Busy day. Ms Schuhart is working as instructed. No progress with my goal yet. Looking at HR rules and regulations. 2 weeks since this began. Considering removing another organ fully, ex. lung.

19. 4. Working on getting Ms Schuhart off the experiment. Only 2 people working on this would help me make the most of the budget, too…

RT465’s hair is growing long again. Why didn’t I fully shave it before this started? Cut the subject’s hair. It’s already growing again. Hate that, I have to clean it all up now. Some of the stray strands are sticking to its face – it's sweating. I’ll wash it off. So much to do, ugh.

Not much to share today.

20. 4. Effectively removed Ms Schuhart from the project. Her replacement hasn’t come in yet, so I’m alone today. I’d keep it like this but I need somebody watching over the subject when I’m sleeping, wake/call me in case of an emergency, etc. I’ll sleep here tonight.

DON’T FORGET: ⅓ of the heart, ⅔ of the brain, and an organ of my choice

21. 4. Busy day. The replacement is here, I have to teach him the ropes. He’s fine. Rude, but does his job as instructed. I shouldn’t have to remove him from the project. Unless he throws up. Blegh.

RT465 is having trouble. I’ll sleep here again tonight.

22. 4. The replacement is doing well. The subject is struggling more since its left lung was removed. I’m trying to believe in its ability to pull through, but it’s let me down so many times before...

Though it wasn’t a complete failure, it didn’t meet its full potential, either. It was trying, its last week alive, to prove itself. I’m thankful - had it not, this experiment couldn’t have taken place. There’s not much I can do to guarantee its survival. More anesthetic, maybe.

23. 4. Forgot to put in a request for a day off. Will do so tomorrow. The heart has fully regrown, the lung and brain are still missing pieces. My assistant wants to remove half of it again, or ‘at least a quarter’, but I want to wait until – what? Until it has a better chance of survival? This is its termination. ‘Survival’ is not the goal.

Removed half of the heart.

24. 4. I know that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t feel guilty over the termination of a faulty subject. If anything, I feel – relieved? That I was the one the subject latched onto. God forbid it was Temnova in my place. It’d have been terminated long before now had that been the case.

My assistant is acting strangely. Considering giving him a raise. Removed half of the brain. The lung is still growing. 2 more days until it's finished, at most.

25. 4. Busy day. Removed ½ of the lung, ¼ of brain and heart.

26. 4. Dr. Ostrov still hasn’t come into work. That reminds me I forgot to request time off. Not to mention that I’ve been sleeping here since the 20th, so almost a week. Not good for my back! I should go home soon, but we’re understaffed these days… I’ll take a week off after the experiment ends. That should be fine. Shows that going days without sleep + sleeping in a chair + ‘overworking’ myself have consequences on my human body + won’t have to worry about when to take a break from now on.

27. 4. That man won’t be getting a raise as he is a spineless coward that quit when we’re understaffed! Not just the experiment, but the job completely, leaving me alone in this. Like I’ve said many times I can handle it, but it’s unprofessional.

I’ll have to request another assistant now, but there’s no telling when they’ll come here/who they’ll be. Hate this. Hate him. Not even a month and it’s all falling apart. Even RT465 deserves a better termination than this! I shouldn’t have gotten Ms Schuhart off the project. Can’t ask her to come back now, though. 

Won’t remove anything today. I won’t be able to write down detailed entries for the next few days for obvious reasons.

28. 4. Busy day. Removed ¾ of the heart.

29. 4. Busy day.

30. 4. Busy day. Still can’t believe my ‘assistant’ quit. Spineless. Coward. Removed ¼ of the heart (half of the heart is intact), ½ of the brain, and ¼ of both lungs.

1.5. Busy day. The replacement should have been here today, but she’s not. Should have time tomorrow. It’s been almost a month since this experiment began. I was supposed to have a ‘break in may’, but I’m not complaining. I’m happy to have an opportunity to study the subject on my own without outside interference. I’m only upset with that ‘assistant’ for leaving me. No regard for anybody but himself. 

2. 5. Busy day. The replacement is still not here. Not removing anything today.

22:30 The replacement was here for an hour before leaving. I reprimanded her and insinuated that if she resigns from the experiment I will do everything in my power to fire her from the institute – which isn’t within my power, but she doesn’t know that. We removed ½ of the brain, ¼ of the brain, and I will, on my own, remove the subject’s right kidney.

3. 5. Happy to report my new assistant came in on time today, and that at least one person other than me knows how to do her job. She’s not rude like the last one either. This one should get a raise. Can’t lose her – can’t scare her away, either. Cut the subject’s hair today.

4. 5. Busy day. It’s been a month since the start of the experiment. The subject isn’t struggling as much anymore. Despite it all, I’m happy with its development. This milestone, a month, is the most crucial one; I can be stricter now! It’s survived this long, why not take out both of its lungs? Both kidneys, its liver?

Thank you, RT465. Back to work now.

5. 5. Busy day. Removed ¼ of both the heart and the brain, the right kidney, and ½ of the left kidney. My back hurts… Should sleep in a bed soon.

6. 5. Busy day. My request to give my assistant a raise for this experiment was approved.

7. 5. I’m glad this is the assistant that I received. She doesn’t speak wastefully, does what she’s told, and hasn’t complained about the conditions we’ve been given. I couldn’t have received a better one. After this experiment is over, I must express my gratitude. Maybe I could argue for a permanent raise for her? It’s not my department, but I can at least put in a good word for her.

Can’t forget to give her a break!! She can’t burn out. Next weekend, maybe, today is Sunday and she’s only been here a few days– god, no. She shouldn’t need a break – this is her job. She’ll get a day off when she asks for it. 

8. 5. Busy day. So many of those these days. It’s better than no work, though. Removed ½ of heart + brain + liver.

9. 5. Learned that my assistant has every Friday off. Do I have an ‘every (x day) off’? I’ll have to check. Nothing else has happened today. My assistant doesn’t look too disturbed? Which is good. I hope I don’t come across as … ungrateful? Belittling? Words are beyond me right now. She’ll be here for a few hours, so I’ll take a nap.

10. 5.  Busy day. I don’t like the look of things.

11. 5. Busy day. Removed the heart fully + ¼ of the brain.

12. 5. Busy day. The red clump has come back. It’s not that ugly, really, if you look at it from another angle.

13. 5. Busy day. My assistant is gone today. Won’t remove anything for her sake + the heart isn’t fully regrown. Things are looking worse.

14. 5. My fears that the experiment will be cut short aren’t unfounded anymore. The funding for this has been halved – as a penalty for so many people resigning, I guess. 

If I have to work unpaid for this to continue, so be it, but my assistant surely wouldn’t do the same. This means nothing to her, but to me– I have to find a way around this. Even if she agreed to work without pay, the expenses of the experiment, the anesthetic we use to keep the subject unconscious– we’d run out of resources eventually. 

This can’t end so soon. I was given no warning, how was I supposed to know? I never ask for anything, only this, for this experiment, and they cut it off! They’re trying to get me to resign from the experiment, I’m sure of it. Why? I’m only doing what needs to be done. I gave her a purpose! RT465 would be nothing if not for this experiment. She’d thank me if she could speak right now.

I gave this place my whole life. That couldn’t have been a mistake. I can still turn this around, I just need time. Can’t waste it writing nonsense – back to work. + Removed ¾ of the heart and brain, the liver and the right kidney.

15. 5. Busy day. I’m gathering the results of this experiment up in a ‘neat pile’ to present to my superiors. If they see what’s come of this, they’ll let it continue. They’ll see that this isn’t for nothing.

16. 5. Busy day. There’s going to be a lot of those from now on. I’m going to sleep here full time from now on, too. I have to give this everything I’ve got. Removed the brain fully.

17. 5. Busy day.

18. 5. Busy day. Removed the liver.

18. 5. Busy day. I hope I don’t have to take my assistant’s raise away. She really does deserve it. If only she had been here with me from the start… Removed ½ of the heart. RT465 is struggling, but it’ll have to manage if it wants to be of any help.

19. 5. Busy day. My assistant’s day off is tomorrow.

20. 5. My superiors are arguing that all that I’ve learned from this experiment could have been deduced from previous experiments; They don’t know shit. They’re not here. They haven’t seen that red clump in RT465’s chest, the cluster of fat, water, salts, and carbohydrates in its skull – they haven’t even looked at the photos I took for them! “Could have been deduced from previous experiments,” They’re not the ones getting their hands dirty. They haven’t stepped foot in this room, haven’t slept in it, haven’t done anything other than whine about the budget. They should be ashamed to call themselves employees of the institute. “Could have been deduced,” but we never would have known for certain. I’m doing us a favor.

Removed the brain and ¾ of the heart.

21. 5. Busy day. The assistant isn’t here today.

22. 5. My assistant is back, but it’s still a busy day. I’m tired. I've been sleeping only 3 hours a day at most, and only 20 minutes at one time. I’m looking forward to my week off after the experiment ends.

23. 5. Busy day. Removed the brain, ½ of the heart, the left lung, and ½ of the right lung. 24. 5. Busy day. I have to take away my assistant’s raise… I can tell she disapproves, as she’s been slacking off today. It’s fine as long as she doesn’t quit.

25. 5. Busy day.

26. 5. Busy day. My assistant’s day off is tomorrow. She was missing today, too. Didn’t even call in. Terrible work ethic. She’s just like my previous assistant, leaving me in my time of need, abandoning the institute… Can’t write more, work calls. Removed the heart. 27. 5. I’m not getting more funding. I’d have gotten it already were my superiors planning to listen to reason… but here I am, with a subject that refuses to die, with no way to kill it.

I should have known it’d end up like this. Like a fool, I was hoping for this experiment to last at least 4 months, but I took things too slow. Took too much time with things. Work comes first, pleasure second. I was stupid to mix the two…

When was the last time I enjoyed something? It’d be– Ostrov is nice, but he’ll leave eventually. He’ll realize our morals don’t align, and like the good man he is, he’ll leave me for somebody that’s better fit for him. Or I’ll take him down with me. Either way, we won’t last… I like game nights with Viktor, too, I suppose. Even if he is an insufferable winner. I enjoy these experiments too, but outside of work, what else? Is that all my life is? Two relationships that won’t last and work? 

There must be something else. I must be missing something. This can’t be all that my life is.

Removed the brain.

28. 5. My assistant isn’t here again, but at least she called in to tell me she’s resigning from the experiment. I don’t know what I expected. At least now any doubt that this experiment is over has vanished. I don’t know how I should feel. Angry? Sad? Guilty? Relief, maybe? I don’t know. I put so much into this, only for it to come crashing down. Not even two months, and yet… There’s no reason to write these entries now. I started this journal because I wanted to keep track of Dr. Ostrov’s and Ms Schuhart’s reactions, for future reference, but now that I’m the only one here, there’s no reason to hide my apathy. Not like I was doing a good job at that, anyway.

I don’t know what I’ll do now. I can squeeze out another week from this experiment, but what would be the point? RT465 is – nothing. She can’t give me anything she hasn’t already. The only thing that I could do now is–

One last attempt. If she survives this, I’ll definitely get more funding for the experiment. If she doesn’t, then she’ll be successfully terminated, and I’ll have done my job right. It’ll be over either way. The point of this whole thing was to push her limits, anyway, so it’s not like I’m acting out of order. 

If I get more funding, I’ll continue writing here. If I don’t – I’ll never look at this journal again. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll survive this. Even if it takes her a week, a month, a year to grow back together, I know she will. Whether my superiors allow her to survive is out of my hands. I’ve done nothing wrong.

Removed all of RT465’s organs.