#but idk where to read it online and am too lazy to figure it out

[nyxypoo]

live laugh love my local library

[rigelmejo]

My dudes wasabi Japanese is so cool this site is so cool literally my dream site ToT (thank u @yue-muffin for all those free reading links <3 which is what included wasabi Japanese)

I know what I’m doing after I finish reading Japanese in 30 Hours! (I might keep reading Reading Japanese for fun too just cause... I might as well we will See).

So like curse me if, when I say I will, it makes me not lol. I hope I DO actually do this. Because it sounds so much more clicks-with-me right now than my alternate study plan (which was Nukemarine memrise - which I WILL eventually do ToT I plan it ok, and tae Kim’s grammar guide - which I’m happy to replace with any grammar guide I’ll finish fucking reading tbh).

1. Remembered bilingualmanga exists and I am making no commitments to read anything (tho I have 4 mangas open and an urge to read them for the first time in years since I read yotsuba earlier and followed it). But I will say it’s quite cool I could um read and look words up (ditto for just regular iOS word lookup and Japanese scripts... I’d say ditto for Animelon too and I DO recommend it but I’m just not really an anime watcher).

2. Wasabi Japanese has a: a grammar guide. So my ass is gonna try reading it (in my defense it has audio which I find marginally nicer than the other sources I’ve been looking at... like I literally read Japanese in 30 Hours aloud audio helps me... also why I suspect in part Nukemarine’s decks help they make me listen a lot). https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-grammar/wasabis-online-japanese-grammar-reference/

3. Even better (to me) wasabi Japanese has b. A grammar drills lesson course that has you shadow and practice SENTENCE PATTERNS AND GRAMMAR. I was literally considering buying a Japanese shadowing textbook for just this purpose (but that textbook was random phrases whereas this is targeted sentence patterns). Also I learn best by just fucking seeing sentence patterns so I kind of suspect an activity like this would click with my brain better than actual grammar guide reading (tho grammar guide reading gives me a useful overview of what to start noticing). Like I literally own the book Japanese Sentence Patterns just cause it was the only thing that clicked... Bonuses about this lesson course wasabi Japanese has: it’s me Doing stuff, I learn best just Doing tbh (it’s why just brute force reading clicks well with me lol). And better, Doing stuff in a streamlined way so I can not bumble as long lol and I have reference if I’m confused (Also why I like graded readers). Info: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/how-to-proceed-with-the-instantaneous-composition-method/ The lessons: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-intensive-reading/

4. Wasabi Japanese has lessons through stories, listening reading and shadowing. Phenomenal. Both the perfect chance to test if Listening Reading works some more (which I’m currently into), and to actually DO some things I wanna do like read and practice listening (versus Nukemarines memrise courses which are just flashcards, or playing Japanese video games which is... doable but too draining to be enjoyable or efficient yet). I’m excited. How to use: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/japanese-lessons-how-to-proceed-with-read-aloud-method/ Actual lessons:. https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/fairy-tales-and-short-stories-with-easy-japanese/

5. Assuming you’re better at Japanese than me - wonderfully wasabi Japanese has a course I could use, right after finishing that last one, at a slightly more difficult level, with manga: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-intensive-reading/

6. Alternatively, want a different N3 course that’s radio program based? Here it is: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-read-aloud-method/ so yeah, wasabi Japanese looks like a quite nice alternative to flashcards or a textbook if a babe just wants to learn from stories with audio for a while ToT

7. Also I am again contemplating the benefit of just playing audio in the background more. Will I do it? I don’t know. I’d love to play SpoonFed Chinese audio, Japaneseaudiolessons, and Japanese core 2k audio on in the background. As it’s all comprehensible input I know I’d mostly pickup if I just heard it enough to Review it (whereas rn I just hear each audio file once ever on a walk then never again cause I have little time for focused audio only listening). But I feel bad when I play them in the bg and don’t fully listen ;-;. Ah the dilemma. Truly though they’d help so much if I played them in the background I know it... as of this month as an experiment since reading The Word Brain, I’ve been listening to SOME Chinese audio more. Specifically Guardians audiobook, a random Chinese hp audiobook, Alice in wonderland audiobook, silent reading audiobook. You would not believe how much it’s been noticeably helping. Usually it’s avenuex’s Guardian audiobook and every time I catch a bit of it casually in the bg while working, I’m blown away I understand clearly what I didn’t the time before. In particular I’m probably having the most improvements in this novels comprehension, since I’m Listen Reading Method with it too. But like... the first time I focused listened to it during L R? I caught everything with difficulty during the only-chinese audio but English text step 3. And then listening alone only caught the main story beats/scenes (which was already a major improvement for me). Now when working I can actually catch the paragraphs about Guo Changcheng’s family, his uncle, going to McDonald’s - these are details I very specifically remember being the ones I could NOT catch doing listening only the first time post L R. So after idk 3-6 listening of this chapter, just listening again in the background (since L R takes too much time I’m lazy I only do L R once), I’ve made this much progress. I only saw the full definition of everything ONCE one time during L R step 3 once. But just listening more I catch more and more. And of course, as I catch more the unclear parts become easier and easier to maybe figure out. All I know is I severely underestimated the benefit of repeated listening - at least when (at one point once) you comprehended the material. So considering this... I think now with hindsight, yes listening to condensed audio of a show or just a show, that you’ve seen before with English subs/dual subs/in target language and looked unknown words up, in the background probably could help. If at one point you comprehended it before. (So for me Guardian cdrama is hella on this list lol). With hindsight yeah, repeated audio of an audiobook chapter or audio drama you followed the target language subs for before, or that you could read but not hear alone, would probably help listening skills. Definitely my audio flashcard files where they’re literally Built to be comprehensible since it’s English then target language each line. So... yeah in hindsight more audio, even background audio, can help. Guarantee when I’m not L R with the guardian audiobook I’m barely even listening. And still I find myself catching parts of it.

8. My roommate got too excited about Final Fantasy 14 and informed me it’s free to play now.. which I didn’t know. So of course I foolishly looked up if I could play it in Japanese on a PlayStation and looks like answer is probably yes and I am sorely tempted...

9. It’s gonna be wild for me looking back on may progress at the end of the month because: I did almost nothing I planned, I got demotivated then intensely motivated, I’ve done a ton ToT, I also did a ton of Japanese immersion which?? I’m not even counting?? I don’t track my Japanese immersion yet because like... it’s not my priority right now. I read a ton of manhua the other day and just forgot to log it. I watched some of the woh concert and just did not count it, I read a surprising amount of Japanese this month for someone “not studying it much” yet (aka maybe more than I read last time I studied Japanese??). I did a lot of L R method I didn’t even track, I did a ton of background listening and I’m not tracking just hoping for the best. Did I finish 小王子 this month or last month? Whatever month that was I read like 4 Chinese books. I just remembered I read like 3 Japanese graded readers but didn’t count them cause they felt too simple to count (only 28 pages each). I watched 10 Cure Dolly Japanese grammar vids tho not sure how much help it is long term. Whatever time I did the Japanese video games had to count for something even tho it was draining af. Anyway my point is just... count on me to not do what I planned but be more productive when I do that. All that said: I’m more productive when I set plans even if they aren’t always followed, so I’ll keep making them lol. I think I just needed to hit that turning point of “do anything you want, just continue to do something” instead of “complete this first!” (Although I’m still aiming to complete things - or at least go for progressively challenging things). I dunno... I want to say I want to consider just trying to finish things imperfectly just finish them (to motivate me to finish my Hanzi books, Japanese books, courses I find). But knowing me.. I have no idea what will get me to keep going. Just need to remember it’s ok to do it imperfectly. Just need to remember to place what I will care about and actually do, as priority over what it is I think “must be fully done.”

[unholyeverything]

I finally made one of those again, and I wanted to share and actually tell you the whole story of my art since this is actually my 10th year of drawing, believe me or not :3 This is also actually the biggest audience I ever had and I’m so grateful for all of you, and for Obey Me! to stumble into my life because, you will see, I completely lost motivation and any ideas to actually draw in the years prior. I am so grateful for all that’s happened, and thank you for being here with me! I found friends here again that I wouldn’t give up for anything, they make me feel better about myself and what I do and I’m gonna cry on you. I love you ;A; Feel free to read through the rest I put them under the cut. But I’m really proud of what I achieved that year. I finally found my love for drawing again. DiaLuci gives me serotonin, I made some OCs that I love and that are the most detailed I ever made. And I also drew the most detailed pics I ever made, you can see under the cut how little backgrounds I drew, and now looking at this, I made one extremely detailed one each month. I had to figure out a style I enjoy again, which I luckily did, but I also still like to experiment and not stick to one thing, but I enjoyed trying out new stuff! I put more effort and detail in again, and I really hope I will keep this up even when I start work, I really hope I will! I’d be sad. I finally enjoy this again, I finally have ideas again. I’m feeling so much better, so thank you all for that!

I fist started drawing in 2011, when I was 12. I started since I joined the warriors fandom as my aunt gifted me one of the books and they had a like to an online forum that was handled by the publisher. So I signed up there with my parents permission obviousely. Don’t let any 12 year olds on other sites, thank you. I joined DeviantART when I was 13 and allowed to. I’m a good kid. But anyways, I drew a lot of animals, mostly cats and dogs thanks to that. I also drew a lot in the beginning, so many ideas and I had a few friends that supported me too, it was nice and made me want to keep going.

2012 was the same, and I still think the first few years when you start are the ones you have the highest spike in improvement. Still drew a lot each month, started to draw lots of chibis as well. I never really studied anatomy, only watching a few colouring tutorials. I just wanted to have fun.

I started to get better at colouring this year and started to add lots more datails and spend longer on the drawings, still drew lots and lots.

I’m still fully set on 2014 being the best year in my past, especially for colouring. I put so much effort into everything. But this was also the year where it went down. Some things happened online and I just started to lose interest as I left the fandom. I drew less and less, mostly only one-two things each month. Also since I barely had an audience I started to let that get to me which was stupid, I started to think why should I spend hours and hours drawing something none will look at anyways, so I looked for ways to make my colouring more simpler and put in less details again.

This started to be very noticeable in the year after that. I only had one picture to chose from each month, if at all. I just really started to loose motivation, especially with no ideas as to what to draw. Mostly OCs and occasionally some fanart for an anime that I like. Don’t ask me what October is supposed to be it was the only thing I made that month idk. 

2016 was a really bad year. I just didn’t know what to do with myself and my art anymore. I also started uni so that took some of my time, but not that much, during my holidays between end of school and beginning of Uni from July til October I also didn’t draw much. I only tried a lot of new things, simplifying and not being happy with anything that I made. Aside from November I don’t like any of those pictures. But as I sad, I was just lost and had no ideas anymore, I didn’t feel good about the things I made but I kept going, forcing myself to draw at least once in a while so I don’t completely forget how it works.

2017 I felt inspired again, making up that extremely colourful style that I adapted now again, it gave me serotonin and at least I liked what I was making again. I drew a lot more in the beginning of the year two, just enjoying slapping colour on everything. But I lost motivation pretty soon, I also felt kind of lonely now that I think about it, I wasn’t super sad but I didn’t really had anyone to talk to, breaking up with my toxic ass friends about half a year before school ended and I didn’t really find anyone in uni that I was close with. I just sat around after classes and watched anime until I dropped to bed pretty early everyday. I’m still proud of my very strict sleeping schedule, that happened mostly because I had no reason to stay up :D But anyways, there are a lot of month, strangely enough my big break months where I didn’t draw at all, I probably was too lazy and exhausted.

Best. Year. Of. Drawing. Peridot. Outdid myself. Very much art. So good. Had so many ideas, tried three new styles just to go back to the old one for the redraw because I wasn’t happy with them. So much improvement. It’s amazing how much I did that year. Idk. I probably was mentally dead and watched even more anime. Though I also did that in years I drew a lot. Idk. 

2019 was a lot better then the year before. I missed drawing but still didn’t have a lot of ideas. But I joined instagram for a short time and there were a lot of these “Draw this in your style” that provided me with ideas, and I really enjoyed doing those. I tried digital painting for the first time then and I’m still super proud of what I did in January. I also tried to work more with watercolour in this year. I spend more time and attention with colouring again, working and changing my style a bit. I still really like what I drew last year! I also have a weird obsession with eyeballs and I can fit three pairs on a face and it still looks okay, can you tell? I didn’t drew much this year but I like the quality I made I guess? Motivation ran out pretty quickly though, and that might be because I also did creative work for university so that could’ve played into it. And now off to 2021 :3

[ofcmckenna]

new york’s very own mckenna asher was spotted on broadway street in jimmy choo romy pumps . your resemblance to taylor hill is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being materialistic , but also devoted . i guess being a taurus explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be wrists covered in makeup swatches , a perfectly blended halo eye ,  and never being seen without perfectly manicured nails . ( i once made a fake account to expose information about myself just to get more followers ) & ( cis-female & she / her  )  +  ( lia , 19 , she / her , cst . )

hello , loves ! it’s me , lia ( i also play margo ) back again with another trash child that i’m hoping you’ll all love as much as i do <33 i first came up w kenna many years ago and haven’t had the opportunity to write for her in a long long time , so i’m really excited to bring her here ! as always , if you wanna plot go ahead and LIKE THIS and i’ll happily come love you down . if discord is more your jam , hmu there too @ 𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904 . love y’all !!! 💕💓💕

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : mckenna sophia asher -- * NICKNAME(S) : kenna ( preferred name ), kenny , ken , mick -- * AGE : twenty-one -- * D.O.B : may 10th -- * ZODIAC : taurus -- * GENDER : cis-female -- * ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5″7 -- * NATIONALITY : american ( has dual citizenship in america and wales ) -- * BIRTHPLACE : colwyn bay , wales -- * OCCUPATION : youtuber / makeup artist -- * TRAITS : devoted , ambitious , hard-working , materialistic , stubborn , patient , sensual , reliable , organized , possessive , imbalanced , attention-seeking

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

honestly i am........ too lazy to make this a nice bio so plz forgive me for settling on bullet points ,, but at least that’s less reading for you !!!!

mckenna’s father is from wales and works as a plastic surgeon for the rich and fabulous and her mother is from new york and works a beautician and stylist for celebrities . together they had 5 children in total , the kid in the very middle being kenna . the family spent most of her childhood living in wales before moving to new york just before mckenna started high school

all of her siblings are really talented . it must be in their genes or something to have an affinity for the arts . her older brother is in a popular band . her older sister is a principal dancer . her younger sister is an incredible painter . and her younger brother is like six so he’s still coming into his own but there’s no doubt that he’ll be a prodigy at something

and what about mckenna ??? well she tried following in her brother’s footsteps by learning a bunch of instruments but none of them clicked . after that she tried to take dance classes with her sister but it was clear to see that she had two-left feet . she could barely draw a perfect circle , so painting like her younger sister was out of the question too . eventually she tried to pursue an acting career , auditioning for tv shows and movies but never booking anything more than a handful of commercials

so she spent a majority of her life feeling pretty inadequate compared to her siblings . she just wanted to be good at something , anything really . and she wanted to be praised for it . luckily , she eventually found her thing . though it was sorta unconventional : kenna figured out that she’s good at makeup . it’s basically an art form in itself and since she had the time on her hands to practice , she got pretty good at it

she started posting her looks on social media , gaining a little bit of attention on her instagram and later even starting a youtube channel ( at the time it was called pinkglitter2234 bc she was like 13 and cringey ). doing makeup and making youtube videos was her new favorite pass time and pretty much all she did throughout high school . kids in her school started recognizing her as “the the girl who talks funny and makes youtube videos” ,, so that’s pretty cool ig

it really wasn’t until her senior year that her channel gained a serious following . by the time she graduated she worked her way up to 1m subscribers and just a few hundred thousand away from having 1m on instagram too . CRAZY . and since youtube had become a serious job to her that she wanted to continue doing , she figured that she’d take a gap year off just to focus on that and building her personal brand . so she moved out and got an apartment in the city , paid for all by herself ( though mommy and daddy’s money certainly helped furnish it with all her lavish stuff ) and got to WORK

that ONE gap year turned into a gap... three years ??? she never applied to university and honestly she doesn’t plan to anytime soon ! her social media career has never been more poppin’ tbh . she has like over 8m subscribers on her main channel ( now called makeupmckenna ) and just a little bit under that on her vlog channel . she’s had various partnerships with different makeup brands , colourpopcosmetics , morphe , and lancôme just to name a few . on her channel she also does fashion / styling videos , which has gained her attention from several brands that have sent her pieces to promote and invited her to see their shows at fashion week and whatnot . big money moves basically !!

okay now for her secret : basically ,, kenna is hard-working don’t get me wrong , but she’s also obsessed with increasing her following and is willing to do anything if it means signal boosting herself and becoming more successful . so basically , at one point she made a fake account that posed as one of her “haters” “exposing” her-- and since no publicity is bad publicity , it got more people talking about her and following her . she even made a sob story youtube video in response to the “hate” she was getting and the rumours that were sparking because of it . the account has since been deleted but that doesn’t mean that the screenshots of the rumours aren’t still circulating the internet . it’s been a few years since the “scandal” but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t get talked about from time to time

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

personality-wise : kenna is a sweetheart ! at least on the outside ! like she lowkey has selfish motives sometimes when it comes to gaining online popularity , but outside of social media she is genuine and goofy and a good friend i swear . would give you the designer clothes off her back if you’re close to her . also affectionate because she’s from a big family that actually has a healthy relationship with each other ( minus kenna’s minor jealousy she used to harbor as a kid... she’s kinda grown out of it now as a young-adult who’s successful in her own right ) so she loves to love . super materialistic though . loves shiny things and owning the newest trendy stuff . definitely thinks that money can buy happiness and she’s super stubborn so you cannot convince her otherwise . loves attention , will do just about anything to get it but if it doesn’t fit her “pristine girl next door” image then she’ll have to do it in secret . and since she has made a name for herself as being “innocent” , she doesn’t party too much . just not a big fan of that lifestyle

just bc she never went to college DOES NOT MEAN that my girl is dumb  .. she actually likes to keep learning new things by constantly reading and trying out new skills . she’s v much a jack of all trades but a master at none . minus her ability to beat her face and talk to a camera lol

she’s fluent in both english and welsh , and used to have an accent when she was younger but has since taught herself to sound super american . she thinks it makes her more appealing idk

very family orientated and keeps in close contact with her siblings and parents despite the fact that they live all around the world doing their own things

has collabed with loads of famous peeps not just for youtube videos but getting to do their makeup for gigs . she’s gotten to a point in her career where she’s able to bridge the gap between influencer and professional artist y’know what i mean ??

loves dogs . has a dog named tate who frequently makes appearances in her posts :)))

consumes an unhealthy amount of caffeine daily

doesn’t know how to drive . doesn’t even have a license or anything and who knows if she’ll ever learn tbh

she’s bisexual but has only come out to her close friends and family . hasn’t outwardly said anything to her following but they can probably make assumptions considering who she’s been seen getting close to . like it’s not a big deal to her , she likes who she likes , but also doesn’t think it’s anyone else’s business besides whoever she’s dating / sleeping with at the time

W A N T E D  C O N N E C T I O N S ↴

EDIT : i have in fact made a wc page so peep that here if ya want ! xox

[quentinxdelancret]

Discord Text Thread || Quentin & Dorian

Discord thread featuring: Quentin and Dorian

When: September 26th-27th

Mentions: Jaycee

Description:Quentin texts Dorian after their date and then asks if it’s okay to sleep over. He texts him again the next day and things get a little more personal. {sleep over thread to follow}

Trigger Warning: drug mentions and light dirty talk.

Quentin. I bet you can’t guess what’s been on my mind all day....

DORIAN What’s been on your mind all day, handsome?

Quentin. You!

DORIAN Awww.

Quentin. You doing alright today, darlin? Not missing me too bad are ya?

DORIAN Yeah, I’m doing okay. I am missing you though. How are you?

Quentin. That’s good. Not that you’re missing me, but that you’re good. I’ve been pretty good myself, can’t complain. Definitely missing you too though.

DORIAN it’s good to know the feeling is mutual. what have you been up to today?

Quentin. It is isn’t it? I haven’t been up to too much. Working on my next cover and leveling out. How about you?

DORIAN Ooh, what’s the plan for the next cover? I’ve just been chilling today tbh. Having a lazy day.

Quentin. Well, since you’ve been on my mind nonstop, I was thinking something sweet. It seemed relevant. oh yeah? Want some company?

DORIAN Yeah? Like what? Yes please.

Quentin. Hmm, I’d tell you but I don’t wanna ruin the element of surprise. ahhh, thank god!

DORIAN So cute.

Quentin. Yes, yes you are.

DORIAN Nooo, you.

Quentin. Me? Naaah. It’s totally you babe.

DORIAN I refuse to accept that. it’s you.

Quentin. Ughh, fine. But only if I get to kiss you again. Fair?

DORIAN You can kiss me as much as you want.

Quentin. Oh yeah?

DORIAN Yeah.

Quentin. Ooooh, I hope I don’t make you regret that lol how are you so perfect?

DORIAN I doubt you will. I’m not.

Quentin. Seriously, I’m gonna smother you if you keep being so hard on yourself. New rule, you can only be hard on me

DORIAN I’m sorry. When you’ve been through as much awful shit as I have, it’s difficult not to be hard on yourself.

Quentin. I understand, I promise I do. But, you’re so fuckin amazing, baby. You should know that, and I’m gonna make sure you realize it every time I’m around.

DORIAN You’re gonna make me melt. You can’t be that sexy, speak French, and be nice to me. I’m gonna fall head over heels.

Quentin. I could say the exact same thing about you. Except the French part.. but I could teach you the basics. like French kissing

DORIAN I think I already know quite a bit about that.

Quentin. Yep, yeah you definitely do. You kiss like a pro.

DORIAN Heh. Thanks babe.  You’re a pretty damn good kisser yourself.

Quentin. I’m glad you think so. Cause my lips are gonna be all over you every chance I get

DORIAN All over me?

Quentin. Uhm... yes?

DORIAN You hesitated.

Quentin. ha, hardly. Just don’t wanna get punished before I get started.

DORIAN You totally did hesitate. Why would you be punished?

Quentin. Oh, darlin. You can trust when I say there would definitely be no hesitation. Idk, haha. You’re the one who likes to be in control.

DORIAN Okay, good to know. You’d have to give me a reason to punish you and so far I have not seen one.

Quentin. That’s good. I’m not sure how extent these punishments get. But, I’m not ready to find out just yet either.

DORIAN Heh.

Quentin. Something about the way you say that always seems so naughty. I like it!

DORIAN Good.

Quentin. soooo... can I stay the night?

DORIAN Oh... yes. I’d like that.

Quentin. you hesitated.

DORIAN Only because I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that.

Quentin. No? I’m pretty addicted to you.

DORIAN oh are you?

Quentin. I am, It’s terrible. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t do anything without wanting to be with you.

DORIAN I have that much of an effect on you already?

Quentin. Is that bad? That’s totally bad isn’t it?

DORIAN No. it’s sweet and flattering.

Quentin. Are you gonna break my heart Dorian Taylor?

DORIAN No! I don’t have any intention to at least. Are you gonna break mine?

Quentin. Hmm, depends on whether you break mine first.

DORIAN 😒

Quentin. Don’t make that face. I don’t want to break your heart. I just wanna love you

DORIAN oh you just wanna love me huh? & I can make that face if I want to.

Quentin. that’s what I said. fine be mean lol

DORIAN Cutie. I’m not mean.

Quentin. you’re right, you’re not.

DORIAN I can be if I’m pushed to the point where I feel like someone deserves it. But not for no reason.

Quentin. I feel that. Me too.

DORIAN Mhm.

Quentin. you don’t believe me? Haha

DORIAN No, I believe you. I just didn’t know how else to respond lol.

Quentin. Ah, haha okay. I’m really not that mean ever. Maybe a little cold but not really mean.

DORIAN Good to know, baby.

Quentin. I don’t think I’d ever be cold with you though. You’re a too sweet.

DORIAN You’re my bad boy with a soft spot for only me huh?

Quentin. haha you think I’m a bad boy? I definitely have a soft spot for only you though.

DORIAN you told me you were.

Quentin. Oh hahaha Maybe I’m a little bad

DORIAN

😅

Quentin. 🙈

DORIAN you’re so cuuuute.

Quentin. I’m something. Hahah

DORIAN You’re sexy and charming.

Quentin. Oh, wow. Smooth.

DORIAN Heh.

[ THE NEXT DAY SEPTEMBER 27TH ]

Quentin. I swear people think I’m crazy. All I do is smile idiotically at my phone lol

DORIAN You’re so adorable. What do you have going on today? I was sad when you had to leave.

Quentin. I did have an interview. But it’s over now, and I’m just laying on my couch talking to you.

DORIAN an interview?

Quentin. Yeah, KJ 104.3 The buzzz

DORIAN Oohhh interesting.

Quentin. Yeah, it was alright. But they always give me shit for starting out as a cliche cover band and continuing to do covers.

DORIAN Fuck them then.

Quentin. Yeah, fuck em all! Doesn’t help my brother, aka my drummer is on holiday. So I was solo

DORIAN I miss you.

Quentin. aww babe. I miss you too, very much! do you wanna see me?

DORIAN 🙈​ 😘 Yes.

Quentin. I can come back over.

DORIAN Do you want to?

Quentin. Yes, I do.

DORIAN Okay great.. I didn’t wanna pressure you into doing something you didn’t feel like doing.

Quentin. I always wanna see you

DORIAN Yeah? Glad it’s not just me.

Quentin. Oh yeah, definitely not just you darlin.

DORIAN You are soooo hot.

Quentin. you keep making my blush. you’re hot. So scorching baby

DORIAN Awww, I bet you look so cute when you blush. Thank you babe.

Quentin. I think we have a real issue here

DORIAN What’s that?

Quentin. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna keep my hands off of you

DORIAN I’d say you don’t have to but there are some places where you have to keep your hands to yourself lol.

Quentin. some places?

DORIAN Yeah there are some public places where we could get in trouble for being too handsy.

Quentin. oh haha. I thought you meant on your body

DORIAN omg lol. No.

Quentin. ha, good to know.

DORIAN 🤣

Quentin. could you imagine? You can touch me every where. Just not there

DORIAN Lol. I’m sure there are people like that, I’m just not one of them.

Quentin. yeah, no Christian Grey here thanks

DORIAN Lmaooo.

Quentin. Although, I did use to have an use with somethiiiing ha I’ll keep that to myself for now though

DORIAN you used to have what now?

Quentin. nothing lmao

DORIAN it just seemed like you made a typo lol.

Quentin. maybe I did

DORIAN I’m just confused

Quentin. No I definitely did lmao just go with it lmao

DORIAN I can’t I need to know what you were trying to say.

Quentin. lmao God I was just trying to say, I used to have an issue with a certain something. But not anymore

DORIAN Hmm. I probably wouldn’t have understood what you meant anyway, since I refuse to read the books or see those movies.

Quentin. You refuse? I wasn’t actually referring to the movie though lol. Just myself in general.

DORIAN Yeah. I’ve read a couple excerpts online and have read a bunch of think pieces about how it’s not a positive representation of the BDSM community. oh okay. Thought you were referencing the books or movies.

Quentin. Nah, I’ve seen the movies and they kinda suck. But the books, just wow. I don’t care about any of those though. Just you and me

DORIAN The writing that I did read from the first book was... very poor. But idk, maybe it improved throughout the series who knows. How romantic. Are you almost here?

Quentin. Yeah, it’s not very good at all. I am, just stopped for some rolling papers. Do you smoke?

DORIAN Nah, haven’t smoked in years lol. I don’t mind if you do though.

Quentin. That’s awesome! I applaud you. It’s a nasty habit, but I wasn’t actually talking about cigarettes lol

DORIAN I know what you’re talking about lol.

Quentin. well okay then

DORIAN at least I’m pretty sure I do.

Quentin. Hahaha. I was just talking the magical grass.

DORIAN okay so I was right lol.

Quentin. I don’t really smoke anything else besides cigarettes which is gross

DORIAN people smoke a lot of things nowadays.

Quentin. Like opiummm that shits whack ha

DORIAN yeahhh... y i k e s.

Quentin. I did that once when I was like 19z suddenly I was 20 and I didn’t remember shit lmao -z maybe I don’t need any more weed lmao

DORIAN oh shit lol. I’ve never done any hard drugs, I’m proud to say.

Quentin. Really? You just don’t want to... or?

DORIAN Don’t want to.

Quentin. That’s cool. I wish I had your will power

DORIAN I’ve always been really strong minded.

Quentin. that’s good though. Where do you stand on other people doing them?

DORIAN Um. I can’t tell people how to live their lives but I don’t want them to do it around me and I can only hope that they’re being as safe as possible. It would actually really trigger me if it was done around me.

Quentin. Oh, okay.

DORIAN Yeah..

Quentin. So, around you like... on them around you or actually doing it around you?

DORIAN Doing it around me. But also if it’s on them around me in a place where we could get in trouble if someone found it, that’d obviously be a problem too because I’m not tryna catch a charge.

Quentin. Right, makes sense. I guess this would be a good time to tell you, I have a bit of an addiction.

DORIAN I figured there was a reason you had so many questions about it.

Quentin. Well, yeah. I really like you. I don’t wanna mess this up.

DORIAN I really like you too.

Quentin. I’m a little scared to say any more about it. Not gonna lie.

DORIAN Be honest with me, baby. I told you from the jump that I needed that from you. The fact that you even care about how it makes me feel says a lot about how you feel about me.

Quentin. I just don’t wanna lose this, Whatever this is. You’re kinda intimidating ya know? But I don’t really have anything to hide. I do like to feel good though. Everyday. Fuck, I just ruined this didn’t I?

DORIAN No.

Quentin. Are you sure?

DORIAN Yeah. I’m just a little thrown off. And wondering what exactly it is that you do but also wondering if I’m better off not knowing.

Quentin. I mean, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen glimpses of me throwing around shrooms in the general chat. But that’s not my main addiction. I’m kinda bias and don’t really think it’s that bad of a drug. But again, I take it a lot, and half the time you can’t even tell I’m on anything

DORIAN I very rarely go in the group chat so no I haven’t.

Quentin. Oh. Well shit. I really don’t do shrooms a lot though.

DORIAN it is what it is, Quentin. Thanks for being honest.

Quentin. Look, I’m not like, I’m not trying to make light of any of this. But, I could totally go without doing shrooms. That’s not the issue, it’s the molly. It’s why Jaycee and I split up. but since you’ve known me, have I been like a fucked up mess?

DORIAN Molly? I’ve never heard of anybody being addicted to that. As far as I knew, that was a really recreational drug. And I also didn’t know you’d been with Jaycee. Oop lol. No you haven’t.

Quentin. Yeah, it usually is I guess. It’s just like I said, I like to feel good. Idk, it’s not a good thing to be addicted to or admitting. I’m sorry. ha, yeah. We were. And I’m glad I haven’t. that counts for something right?

DORIAN Do you have any intention on slowing down or? Not for me of course but for you. Because like I said I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, I just want you to be safe. But if you’re acknowledging that you have a problem, then that gives me the impression there’s something you wanna fix.

Quentin. I didn’t really, no. I guess maybe it I found something that replaced that high. I don’t know. I know I have a problem, but knowing it isn’t as easy as fixing it. I’m sorry Dorian.

DORIAN It’s s okay. You don’t need to be sorry.

Quentin. Should I not come over now?

DORIAN Babe. No. I still want you to come over.

Quentin. You sure?

DORIAN You keep asking me and I won’t be. 😛

Quentin. Ah, crap. Okay lol

DORIAN I appreciate that you care so much though.

Quentin. I really do. I really like you, and how I feel when I’m with you. I just, don’t wanna mess that up.

DORIAN That’s so sweet, baby.

Quentin. you’re sweet.

DORIAN Oh yeah? Do you want a taste?

Quentin. Soooo badly.

DORIAN How badly baby?

Quentin. So bad it hurts. But like, in the best possible way.

DORIAN Then hurry up and get your sexy ass over here.

Quentin. yessir.

DORIAN 😏

Quentin. God damn you’re fire.

DORIAN Aw shucks. Making me blush.

Quentin. ha, and I’m only getting started.

DORIAN I can’t wait to kiss you.

Quentin. Good, cause I’m never gonna stop.

[amphtaminedreams]

To All the Characters I’ve Overly Identified with Before: Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment to Fictional Characters

It’s been a month, and I’m still not over how Game of Thrones ended. I’m still not over the way that a character who, throughout the previous seventy something episodes of the show, was only ever ruthless towards people who were deserving of her wrath (within the context of westerosi justice because let’s not forget everyone’s favourite man of honour Ned Stark decapitated a young man for running for his life in the first episode), suddenly massacred a whole city in the penultimate episode. I’m not over the way that writers who spent the previous seasons showing that they were capable of translating the moral ambiguity of George R.R Martin’s characters from page to screen, got lazy and left us with a character whose actions became impossible to defend right as the show was ending. I’m not over the way that such a beautifully complex character who endured so much hurt and trauma was reduced to nothing more than a “crazy woman” by a couple of male writers in her final moments. I’m not over the fact that Emilia Clarke put her heart and soul into the character and did everything she could to bring Daenerys Targaryen to life for David Benioff and Dan Weiss to both literally and figuratively assassinate her.

I think those feels have been felt by a lot of Game of Thrones fans since the show ended. God knows I’ve watched enough youtube video essays and read enough articles and liked enough tweets reiterating the sentiment. Daenerys Targaryen was, in my opinion, the best character on Game of Thrones. I wasn’t angry because she didn’t end up sitting on the throne (though my boy Drogon made sure nobody else ever would either and I guess I can get behind that), I was angry because all the balance that made her character so great was thrown out the window in order to progress the story of her male counterpart and bring a show that probably could’ve done with another 2 seasons to an end. Dany has always had a dark side, she is the “fire” that the title of the book series refers to, but throughout the show, we’ve never seen her indulge that side to the point of no return. We’ve seen her wrestle with it and use it to exact punishment on those who deserve it when needs be, and that was part of what I liked about her. Not to go all feminist essay on anyone’s ass but we don’t usually get to see women in TV who are celebrated for their powers of intimidation, and I liked how prior to season 8, the narrative never made female characters like Dany or Arya or Brienne out to be monsters for killing people the same way that basically every single man on the show did at one point or another. I liked that sometimes she was a little excessive because it made sense, she did have “dragon” in her, and she still had lines she wouldn’t cross, clear values and principles; she fought for the innocent, for women and for children, and for freedom. On a personal level, I loved her because we watched her go from a lonely, scared and vulnerable girl to a strong, ambitious and self-assured woman and that was a trajectory I wanted to relate to.

And then all of a sudden, without any justification or build up at all, she’s a mass murderer of the same “downtrodden” people she always claimed to fight for. Fuck, I’m thinking. I literally watched that episode through my hands because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. When I say I cried on and off for about 3 days after I watched the final episode, I’m not exaggerating; I only need to see a screen cap now a month later or an interview with Emilia Clarke and I’m off again. It literally felt as if I was mourning the loss of a real person. But this isn’t the first time I’ve had this kind of attachment to a character. Daenerys Targaryen was probably just the last in a long list of women I overly identified with.

I’m not much like her at all really, I’ve burnt myself from taking the film off my microwaved lasagne and not moving my thumb away from the hot air in time (lmao), however, I think I saw parts of myself in her journey and traits that I wanted to have, thus, I latched on. Before Daenerys Targaryen there was Spencer Hastings and before her there was Cassie Ainsworth and then if we’re gonna throw it all the way back, there was Hermione Granger (and some other characters I was more mildly obsessed with along the way, Katniss Everdeen, Bree Van de Kamp and Cosima Niehaus, I’m looking at you). I still love all those characters now but when their respective shows or films were actually current, I was completely obsessed. I spent my 16th birthday at the Harry Potter studios on the outskirts of London with my family, forget birthday parties or meals out with my friends. I wished more than anything that I had 2 best friends that loved me unconditionally and I did my best to emulate that drive and intelligence and work ethic everyone associates with Hermione. I told myself I was just like her even though I lacked the confidence to put my hand up in all but one of my classes and last time I checked, was just trying to conquer GCSEs not fight an evil wizard snaked hybrid man or whatever Voldemort is.  I identified with the loneliness and the need for control that I saw in Cassie, and was like “oH eM GeE, tHat’s sO mE!” at Spencer’s perfectionism. When I was speeding for my exams (and then, unfortunately, for long after), I felt spiritually connected to that whole Pretty Little Liars arc where Spencer started popping adderall on the daily even though I could really only wish for someone to care about me enough to stalk me like A did and the worst possible outcome of my all nighter was not taking in enough content to bullshit my way through a 30 marker.

They would understand me, they would be my friend. They represent me. That was the baseline sentiment of my obsession. And I think that’s the borderline part of me jumping out. See, such a huge part of BPD is feeling unwanted and misunderstood and forgettable and really, deeply lonely.  Like it’s a kind of loneliness I think you feel like an actual person can never really fulfil because the (faulty and not necessarily reflective of reality) thought pattern is that they’ll lose interest and leave you sooner or later. Fictional characters are always there, until the show gets cancelled or the character gets killed off, at least, and then comes the completely disproportionate tidal wave of grief. They exist in a different world too, a one that feels a lot less dangerous (even if it’s actually way more dangerous, I mean I really wouldn’t last five fucking minutes in Westeros) and detached from the often chronically muted reality of BPD.

Then there’s the trouble with the sense of self, part and package of BPD for most, which facilitates, you know, thinking that a genius witch or, like, any character in skins (because in hindsight as great as that show was, WHY DO NONE OF THEM HAVE JOBS YET SEEMINGLY AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF DRUGS AND PARENTS THAT NEVER SEEM TO CARE WHERE THE HELL THEY ARE!?) resembles you as a person in any way. Though I suppose I’m learning recently as I begin to reflect more on what I enjoy and value, I’ve never had much more than a vague idea of what my positive qualities are, so when I saw them fully realised in a character it was a treasure trove of mannerisms and traits and ways of carrying oneself to adopt. It becomes a mould into which you can squeeze the ball of meh-ness and uncertainty you feel you resemble. Now I’m realising that although it might take me a little more time and a lot more effort, it’s much more rewarding to become the very best version of myself, but back then, I suppose I didn’t recognise why I was doing what I was doing. 

I only got diagnosed with BPD and started learning about it when it was 19, so all the years before that were pretty much spent unaware of the reasons why I had these quirks. As I “recover” (I suppose that’s the right word) and I get back into hobbies and spend more time with friends, I feel like I’m beginning to discover more and more of who I am. I’m starting to accept that there are positive things about me and plenty of things for people to like, right here in this world, not some fictional one.

I still love characters way too much and get overly attached and invested in TV shows but even that doesn’t necessarily have to be something to be ashamed of. When I’ve got into *ahem* discussions with people online about characters before, I’ve occasionally gotten the “why do you care so much, it’s not real life!” in response, and I mean, there’s definitely a point to be made if your passion for something is causing you to lash out at real life people with real life feelings. But when you’re not, when it can give you hours of discussion and entertainment and can drive you to make real positive changes in the world too, what’s wrong with passion? There’s nothing I love more than having a conversation with someone who I can tell really loves what they’re talking about, so why should I be ashamed of having the capacity to become deeply invested in things too? I think as long as it’s not taking over my life as I have allowed it to do so in the past, there’s nothing wrong with having passion for fictional things or for anything, for that matter. As long as it’s not something fucked up, like idk, white supremacy or Rick and Morty (JOKING). 

I don’t regret loving all the things I loved because being a huge Harry Potter fan for so many years did give me an escape when I absolutely hated myself and couldn’t find much enjoyment in real life. I hope that if I do have children one day, they’ll love it too, maybe not quite as much as I did but enough for it to give them all the joy it gave me, all the same. So in summary, yeah, fuck David Benioff and Dan Weiss (lmao, I’m joking, they’re just shitty original screenplay writers who could probably do with a class or two on how to write female characters), but also, understand before you make fun of someone for being overly invested in something that there’s probably a good reason for it and that, at the end of the day, they’re usually not hurting anyone. I’ll probably still be stanning Daenerys Targaryen and pretending season 8 episode 5 didn’t happen until the day I die. Let me live, okay?

Lauren x

[coeurvrai]

We return to Wicked Saints with Chapter 23, a chapter that is - unfortunately - a Nadya chapter. We open with, oddly enough, a Book of Saints excerpt rather than something from the Codex of the Divine. In a better book, this would mean something. In a better book, all of these excerpts would’ve meant something.

Svoyatovi Yakov Luzhkov: The founder of the Selortevnsky monastery in Ghelovkhin, a place where clerics were trained in secret to fight in the holy war. When the monastery was destroyed in 1520, Yakov burned with it.

Okay... great? Thanks for that information that was totally necessary and will be relevant to the current chapter, I’m sure.

Again, using dates when you haven’t established a proper timeline is meaningless, because we don’t know how long ago these events were in respect to the present. Sure, it’s a bit more specific than the others because we know that by the events of the start of the book, the war between Kalyazin and Tranavia has been going on for about 100 years, but still, meaningless.

Everyone is still at dinner and Nadya is, surprising to herself, having a pretty good time, all things considered.

The High Prince of Tranavia was a charming boy who enjoyed self-deprecation and complaining. Nadya found herself laughing at his jokes and responding in kind as the evening went on. Żaneta was equally engaging, with biting wit and a keen intelligence that Nadya had not expected from one of the most impressive blood mages of the court.

Well, this is fast becoming a nightmare, she thought as she swirled her spoon through a bowl of borscht. There was soft music playing in the background, airy and light, and the atmosphere of the room didn’t feel nearly as oppressive as when the king had entered.

Nadya is, however, getting along a bit too swimmingly with Serefin for my tastes, considering she’s supposed to have - to put it mildly - a grudge against him for leading an assault on her home and, to Nadya’s knowledge, hurting and killing the people that she supposedly cares about there, including Kostya. She was so afraid of him when he rocked up at the monastery in Chapter 1 and now she’s just totally fine with him and considers him charming and funny.

If Nadya was clever and seriously cared, she’d attempt to talk him about his efforts in the war and in Kalyazin to try to covertly find out what happened after she fled the monastery and if any of the people she’s supposed to love are alive.

Also that description of Żaneta has me side-eyeing and I can’t tell that whether that’s just me and my heightened sensitivity due to how xenophobic and discriminatory Nadya is supposed to be. Like, is she surprised that Żaneta is intelligent and witty because she’s a Tranavian? Is it because she’s a Tranavian and she’s a blood mage? Is it because she’s accomplished? I can’t tell.

Either way, it’s not necessarily an unsurprising implication from Nadya all things considered but the fact that Nadya is supposed to have evolved so much that her views on Tranavians are... let’s say more progressive, the inherent judginess of what she’s saying leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe that’s just my mixed race ass reading too much into it, IDK.

Also this book itself is a bloody nightmare, both literally and figuratively.

“A nightmare that you are making for yourself.” Nadya almost dropped her spoon when Marzenya’s voice rang through the back of her head.

Not now, she pleaded. She couldn’t keep this up and have a goddess pulling her apart for what she had done at the same time. Admonish me all you like later but not here.

“You are treading dangerous ground, child.”

Dangerous ground that she was only making worse. Marzenya required full devotion. Nadya never could have dreamed that would be an issue. Yet here she was, a few days into Tranavia and already full of conflict.

Well, Marzenya is apparently getting through okay, because she’s able to talk directly to Nadya at dinner. This is like, the second or third time. I didn’t really believe you when you said, book, that the connection between Nadya and the gods would be strained and difficult due to the nature of her being in Tranavia, and I still don’t believe you now.

Also, “keep this up”? You’ve been a grand ol’ time apparently at dinner, besides glaring at the king and getting caught by Serefin glaring at the king. I don’t know what the difficulty would be, really, besides paying attention if anyone tries to talk to you. It’s not like it’s taking all your energy to stop yourself from murdering everyone you’re sitting beside with a fork or something.

Also, we’re not going to really unpack that last paragraph because I feel like I’ve commented on it enough and about the bullshit nature of this whole fucking thing as is. I’m just going to happily continue eating my dumplings because dumplings are delicious.

Anyways, the king gets angry at a servant, throws a goblet at the wall, and the servant runs away. A Vulture goes after them and ,ost of the people at the table aren’t exactly thrilled at that. 

Ostyia comments to Serefin that the king’s temper is worsening and Serefin tries to temper his discomfort with more alcohol, but his glass is empty. Thank fuck for that. Serefin asks Nadya to call him Serefin instead of “Your Highness” and she just rolls with it.

“Trade places with me,” the one-eyed girl demanded of Serefin.

“You can’t flirt with every girl here, Ostyia,” Serefin said.

“I can and I will,” she replied primly.

He rolled his eyes and—casting another anxious look toward where his father sat—stood up and traded places with the girl.

Ostyia had a glittering eye patch covering her right eye in place of a mask. Her smile was electric, and she shined it Nadya’s way.

For some bloody reason, Nadya refers to her as “the one-eyed girl” despite knowing and using Ostyia’s name the sentence before that and then preceding to use it straight afterwards. Like, that’s not necessary, just use her name again!

Also, I’ve said it several times to @jefflion but Ostyia is quite literally the only one in this book who is explicitly queer so far. ED has gone on and on on her tumblr and her twitter talking about how basically everyone is queer and like how all the main Tranavian characters aren’t straight; that Kacper and Serefin are gonna have a romance in the later books but like??? Bitch, where?!

You can’t say that Nadya and Serefin are queer, when they have not commented on women and men, respectively, the same way they have commented and been explicitly attracted to men and women, respectively.

Look, I am bisexual. If you meet me for even two seconds online and/or at uni, I make it pretty fucking clear that I am attracted to girls too. I will take notice of girls I think are pretty or cute. Not always, but I do do it.

And the fact that there’s no build up for Serefin and Kacper either, even though there should be if she’s intending for them to have some romance in Ruthless Gods and the third book is just... fucking lazy. Like yes, there’s a couple of scenes in the book that you could technically say might have romantic undertones but the point I’m trying to make is the lack of explicit queerness.

At this point, ED is no better than JK Rowling with her whole “Dumbledore is gay!” shtick. Or rather, she’s barely better, but it’s a fucking low bar.

Also, as an aside: earlier, Serefin has Ostyia flirt with Żaneta as a distraction, but we never really get a reaction from Żaneta. ED nominally says that Żaneta is bi, but we don’t get a reaction from Żaneta in the text. For all we know, Żaneta could be uncomfortable with her flirting. Or she could be into it, but we just don’t know! 

[cynder-wolfy]

here’s me making a really long post rambling abt dragons from a game i play

just to clarify, 0 of these dragons are mine, they all come from an online game called dragon cave. i added links to their wiki page so people can see what they look like (&i can use this as a short cut) and all of their sprite artists are credited there. usually the sprite artists come up with their dragon's description as well

starting off with the list of pygmies or smaller dragons

kyanite pygmy - i really love these lil guys, they're playful & feisty and i could see them being really friendly but kind of fickle wild dragons, like they'll play with kids in the woods but parents try not to let them

mimic pygmy - i LOVE these pygmies, they're friendly during the day but at night they're >:-). i can see them being a dragon people regularly try to kill, cause i dont think they're above killing any humans in the woods at night

mint dragon - there isn't much to this dragon, they're just small & flightless and i can see people using them for weed control in their gardens cause they're herbivores

pipio pygmy - i LOVE these guys!! they're kinda birdlike and probably the 'perfect' pet dragon, but cause of their popularity i can see them being treated like shit a lot by breeders

common pygmy - could definitely be a pet dragon, but i think they'll just be a friendly wild dragons, & if you give them some honey they'll love you for like, a day lmao

red-tailed wyrm pygmy - just a good all round Boy, a wingless worm dragon that can still fly is pretty cool. i can see them as a pet dragon but they wander off a lot so most people don't bother. they're more of a 'around town' dragon than a dedicated pet

and now the normal/ bigger dragons :D

almerald dragon - they're very pretty and weird!! they're basically a mood dragon fdhfdj i like the colour change thing & that they're just kind of lazy, so i wanna add them in as a casual wild dragon that's just kind of indifferent to humans

anagallis dragon - oh i love these ones!! they're friendly and like sun bathing & defening smaller dragons, so i figure they're pretty good friends w humans too

azure glacewing dragons - big boys !!! too big to be concerned about humans but i love them !! i don't think i can find a place to add them but they could be used to background lore purposes

ash dragons - these ones are so cool, they big & have a scary face but they're gentle giants. smaller dragons go to them for protection. i really wanna add one in at some point, maybe towards the start of the story

black dragons - they were an original species on DC so their description is kind of flat, but they're pretty badass, i can see them being dangerous dragons at night

balloon dragons - i have no idea how i'll fit them in but god i love them, just a species full of lads

black truffle dragons- oh god i love these poor dragons, they canonically get exploited by humans so i can see people like. kidnapping them from the wild & locking them up. i think i wanna add them in later at some point, but they're good for lore purposes

dark green dragons - v good 'evil' dragon, i think i'll definitely be using them near the start or when things kick off

day glory drakes - !!!!!! i love this species !!! they're definitely the most popular dragon to own, cause they're about the size of a cat (:D!!!!) and they're so pretty, there's also night glory drakes but they arent as common as pets  

daydream dragons - i never read their desc up until now and oh god i love them. they literally just spend their lives zoning out. mood. i think it wld be cute if humans hung out near them when they wanted to sleep well or just have a good think 

duotone dragon - two-headed boy! love that! they’ll probably be in the story solely for that reason 

floret wyvern - god i love these ones!! they’re so pretty and nice sounding & i wanna be it’s friend. i think the calming aura is really cool & they could be an awesome recurring dragon or even a straight up main character at some point

honey drake - small good boy!! likes honey!! is basically a bee dragon!! i can see them being pets as well or just rlly friendly wild dragons, if you give them some honey 

kingcrowne dragon - hhh!! they’re so pretty and v good for more dragon/human history and lore

magi dragons - kinda neat & i can see them being feared by humans cause of how they use magic mostly. i think i’ll include their transport bsa in the story 

ochredrake - one of the only few bigger dragons to be considered pets, cause it specifically mentions that they tame easily & also i said so. pretty tight drake 

pink dragon - i can see these dudes being luxury pets or a status symbol just cause they’re pink i guess 

sapphire dragons - good for lore!! they’re very pretty and i definitely want them in the story at some point 

striped river dragons - love!! just some water loving boys. feel like adding them as casual wild dragon, not adding anything to plot just kinda bein there 

tatterdrake - just some vicious fun loving boys!! a good ‘evil’ wild dragon, idk if i’ll add them but i think they’re pretty cool 

whiptail dragons - love them!! small fast & cool. will proabbly be a wild dragon 

gold dragons - god these dragons are perfect for lore. the most hunted/sought after dragons to exist & they are Not Happy about it lol. 

neglected dragons - i’m not sure how i’m gonna logic these into the story, but i want to add them for lore & also just to show cruel humans are becoming toward dragons. owners will purposefully mistreat eggs so that the dragon inside is forced to become a neglected dragon, and they loath their owner for doing it but they’re too physically weak and dependant on that owner to be able to leave. it’s considered a huge status symbol to own/create a neglected dragon 

uhhh and that’s all the species i’ve looked at so far!! this is definitely Not all of the species on DC but i want to start out the story in a forest, so i only looked at forest dragons for convenience. maybe if i end up writing the story i’ll expand the list as roman goes to the different “zones” in the world 

oh and the plot i guess: the main character will probably be a late teen/early adult roman, living in town somewhere on the edge of the forest. he’s grown up in a time where there was mostly peace between humans and dragons but dozens of incidents start happening and the people of the town are slowly turning against dragons. he’s always felt kind of connected to them but was unsure why.

uhhh something Happens at some point & suddenly he can fuckin. Hear dragons talking. and it freaks him the fuck out. he tries to hide it but his mother notices and reveals that she found him as a baby in weird circumstances and had a hunch something like this was going to happen. so roman gets insanely curious about dragons once he can hear them, but he’s afraid to speak to them. only problem is the town is now against dragons and any more interest in them would only bring suspicion onto him.

so he just fuckin. goes out into the woods. and tries to learn by watching them. it obviously doesn’t go so well the first few times but he starts off with smaller dragons like pyymies and just tries to interact with them. 

i’m not sure if i’ll keep the story being him just going around & interacting with dragons. i could make it ambreigns like way later in the story once he starts travelling, and i think the first Big plot point would be him trying to convince the town the dragons are ok.

as for the dragons, there’s like a Big Evil dragon queen that has some kind of mana that’s never been seen before, so she’s slowly trying to infect the different dragons species with it to kill the humans who have been killing them. 

idk. its messy man!! its messy. but i like talking about it so i am. even if i dont write it its still a good story to play out in my head. i’m not good with fantasy stories so i’d probably screw it up lol 

if you’ve read this far I’m Sorry 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #193

“i’m stronger than i ever knew; i’m strong because of you.”

What’s one item the dollar store is good for? Candy. What’s the last thing you made out of construction paper? A "cover" for Sara's first V-Day present. What’s the last thing that inspired you? I'm not sure, really. Probably some video. Are you a daredevil? No. What’s one thing you are lazy about? Cleaning. Do you prefer tea to be cold or hot? Tea is a no from me. Do you ever get annoyed by the stupid decisions characters make in books? Not really annoyed, seeing as making mistakes is sometimes a necessity to the plot, but I'm more like, "no one would ever do that irl," especially in the horror genre. What’s one thing that’s annoying you about the book you’re reading now? N/A What’s the most boring thing about your life right now? You would almost assume I'm under house arrest because I can never leave my fucking house. What could make your life more interesting? Being in school, have a job, or have Sara live here. Name someone you know who is truly happy. My nephew. He's only two, but. I have never seen a happier human being. Do you have trouble letting friends go when you need to? It depends. Do you have trouble letting things go? Depends as well. How cluttered is your apartment/house/room? My room's decent, but the majority of the house is kinda messy or just unorganized. Do you have any antique furniture? No. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a purse? Idk, certainly not much. Where would be the most fun place to do a 24 hour challenge in, do you think? Probably an amusement park. Would be creepy as fuck at night too, and I'd liiive for it. What’s something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t got around to yet? A lot... like resume studying German. I haven't decided to yet because I question the real usefulness of it; I want to go to Germany, but that may never happen, and I could probably manage just enough with what I know. It may end up just being wasted time and effort. What was the best class trip you have ever been on? 5th grade visit to the zoo. Did you have your own room as a child? No, I shared it with Nicole. Maybe Ashley was with us for a while before being given her own room? Idr. Have you ever shared a room? See above, then with Jason in the old apartment. If so, was having a roommate hard for you? As a young kid, Nicole and I liked sharing a room, but as I especially got older, I really wanted my own. With Jason, no. Do you own a lot of clothes that don’t fit you anymore? Yes, some I hope to shrink back into or are just stored for nostalgia. Where do you donate old clothes? Goodwill and some other place idr. Do you enjoy antique stores? Oh. My. God. Yes. What are five things you inherited from your mom? Somewhat slower metabolism I think, depression, are seasonal allergies genetic?, height, and hair thickness. What are five things you inherited from your dad? PACING, this little short huff-ish laugh thing he does at the end of some sentences, no common sense whatsofuckingever, and enjoying games. Do you enjoy grocery shopping? Noooo. Do you enjoy clothes shopping? Only at stores I like, and if I don't have to try things on. Do you own footie pajamas? Omg nooooo, haven't since I was a kid. They had to be so uncomfortable. Which America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer performance was your favorite? I haven't seen/remember enough. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I did religiously until Sharon left. If you were to host a '90s party, which 3 shows would you like to run? That '70s Show, Full House, and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. What was your favorite thing you collected as a child? Webkinz. I was that one kid who had dozens. Whose house was your first sleepover at? My first best friend, Brianna's. If you had a daughter, would you allow sleepovers? Of course with girls, but I probably wouldn't allow a boy to stay overnight until she was at least 16 due to the risk of her getting pregnant. Which do you like better, your first name or your middle name? My first. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Oh, video games and TV shows definitely have. There must be plenty of other things, but. Blanking. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? N/A; I wouldn't enjoy an extreme lack of work, but definitely some time to like wander around the Internet and such. Having too little would be super boring, and I'd feel very unproductive. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I felt horrible when I found out Mom's been legitimately uneased before because of how loudly I can scream at Bentley and/or Teddy when I'm really pissed. I've been working on it since then. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) Above all, I need to be reminded that you love me, that you're not leaving (unless of course there's good reason to), AND THAT MY ILLNESSES AREN'T BECOMING TOO OVERWHELMING. As well, with how I physically am now, I need to know that my weight doesn't bother you. That's all I can think of atm. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I admit I speak before I think and can be very snappy and sarcastic. I become extremely pessimistic and cry easier than I already do. My stability in general is very fragile when I'm struggling. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? WEANING. I never would've survived dropping soda (for the time I did) if I hadn't weaned down. Well, quitting meat cold turkey during my vegetarian phase was easy, but most things, I'd still say weaning. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I wouldn't want huge dogs due to so much energy, nor would I want arachnids or insects. Or fish because they bore me so it just feels like a total chore to clean the tank. I wouldn't want most birds due to all the noise. Also not interested in blood pythons, as they're notorious for being aggressive. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yup. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't think so for either. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Achieve complete financial comfort. If I don't, after how I've grown up, I will be borderline (if not seriously) devastated and disappointed in myself. I also put immense pressure, an amount I know is unhealthy, on myself about losing weight, and if I don't achieve that, I don't know what I'd do. I've worked and still work so hard to. If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? In the beginning of mine and Jason's relationship, it was casually mentioned I didn't want children while he did, but we didn't worry about that at the time as we had a long time to figure that out. I later decided I wanted kids together, anyway... Would you ever believe I wanted three back then???? If you have favorite names or names picked out for your children, where did you learn of the names or when did you fall in love with them? I can't remember where I heard Alessandra, but I immediately thought it was gorgeous. I fell in love with Damien because of fucking Mayor Damien from Who Killed Markiplier? Yes, I would absolutely name my son after a Markiplier character, fight me about it. What is one item that you have recently been coveting? Do you think that you will actually get it? Why/why not? A new laptop more than anything... and soon. Dad's working on it as a Christmas + birthday present. Do you still have both of your parents? They're alive, but divorced. Do you like being sensually bitten? UGGGHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. If you wear eyeliner, what color do you use? Only ever black. How many colors are in your hair right now? One, but with natural highlights and undertones. Do you have your full license yet? No. Working on it. Are you into gory movies? If the gore is a realistic amount. Have you ever been locked in a room forcefully without anyone knowing? No. Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? No. Have you ever been drunk? If so, do you get drunk regularly? No. Do you consider yourself a loner or a social butterfly? A loner, but I'm sincerely trying to branch out at least some. Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yes. What is your favorite online smiley face to you? I like ;v; but rarely use it because people can't seem to decide if it's an extremely happy and teary face (what I see) or a sad one???? What is something that freaks you out no matter what? OH GOD thought of this because I passed a video of a pregnant sphynx on FB today. I. Cannot. See a fetus moving from the outside of its mother's stomach. It absolutely, thoroughly horrifies me to the point I may scream. It's one of the million reasons, if not the main reason, I never want to be pregnant and why I say pregnancy would likely traumatize me, especially feeling it. Are the lights in your room more dim or bright? I'd say my ceiling lamp is a tad dimmer? Do you take a lot of photos? No. I'd take far more "photography" pictures if I actually had things to and a way to get around... When you were little, did you think band-aids healed everything? Maybe? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? A completely unrealistic one. I just missed my period one month, I guess out of stress, a change in meds, something like that, and I was panicking that it was a pre-cum pregnancy, even with protection (aka, thin underwear, which sperm can't travel through). I was an anxious mess until my period did come around. Anxiety is fun. Do you have freckles? If so, do you enjoy them or hate them? I don't. Where do you download music from? YouTube. Do you have a laptop, desktop or both? A laptop. If you have a job, do you work with any of your friends? Do you like that job? N/A When did you last look in a mirror? Last time I was in the bathroom. What are you most known for? Probably that I'm very reserved and anxious. What was the last movie you bought for yourself to watch? I don't think I've ever bought a movie myself. If you have any animals, do any of them live in the house with you? They all do. Would you rather have curly or straight hair? Straight. What is one thing you think is gross about the human body? Sweating. Ever make a friendship bracelet for someone? As a kid. Would you say you have extreme morals? "Extreme" seems a bit far, but I have rather strict ones. What have you been made fun of for the most? I've been teased by so many people, family especially, about how I stay on the laptop or am on my phone, and I fucking hate it. Seriously, don't bring it up. I have reasons. Do you watch any television shows from other countries? I don't watch any TV shows currently. Who is your most favorite television/movie villain? Television... probably a character I can't say as their position of being a villain is a massive spoiler of the show. Or Fullmetal Alchemist's Envy, especially in Brotherhood. Movie, Dark Alessa from the first Silent Hill. Have you ever been stabbed by something? A pencil. Maybe other things. Well, do piercings, tattoos, or shots count? How many pillows do you normally sleep with? Two. When you have chocolate, do you eat it room temperature? Or are you like me and stick the bar into the fridge first? I like it room temperature. Chilled doesn't sound all that appealing. What’s the most shocking thing that’s happened in your part of town? Idk, maybe a murder or something? Are there any constellations you recognize just by looking at them? The Little or Big Dipper, idk which is which. Which insect do you find the most beautiful? Butterflies! Do you like gardening? If so, what do you grow? No. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one’s your favorite? Yeah, probs Sudoku. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? Teaching, to name just one. What’s the weirdest building in your city? *shrugs* Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? No. Which Disney villain is your favorite? Probably Scar. Or Hades, I loved his character. Which possession would you not want to inherit from a relative? I dunno. Fancy china or some shit I'll never use or break. Is there an ex you think about every day? You know... maybe Jason. Tiny things will trigger quick memories/thoughts about him a lot of days, maybe actually most, I guess as a PTSD thing. He played such a huge part of my life and drastically changed it, so it's hard not to. I don't give him deep thought or anything and they're typically emotionless; just for example, if I heard Motionless In White, my head would immediately connect them to him as his favorite band, then the thought's over. AND I JUST WANNA SHARE BECAUSE I'M PROUD AS FUCK that today was our anniversary date, and this is the first year I feel zero pain or attachment to it. Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? No. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Probably some evil shit I said in that letter to Dad. Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed last night? Sara. When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? I talked briefly with Girt a few days back. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? Jason did. Who was the last person to annoy you? My stepmother with the stupid political shit she shares on Facebook. I love her a whole lot, but oh my god. I regret even adding her. Do you have any text messages that you don’t want other people to read? I wouldn't be mortified or anything, but there's some I want private nevertheless. Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time? The laundry room, the first room of the house from the backdoor. There's no AC in there, and because there's a draft with the door, it gets cooooold. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also Why) I won't be financially stable. That's all I've known so far, and the stress of it is unbelievable. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. What is the most interesting documentary have you watched? Meerkat Manor. :') Where is your brother? In Tennessee. Last person you cussed at? At? Not in the presence of? Uh, I think I playfully called a friend/family member a bitch at some point? When did a parent last tell you, you couldn’t do something you wanted to? I was craving a Sonic shake a couple days ago, but Mom didn't wanna drive out that far with low gas. Last time you took a picture? A few days back. Our camellia bush is blooming now, and some of the flowers are falling, and I visualized a beautiful shot looking down at one, but no matter what I did, the damn camera wouldn't focus just enough. This is such a frequent problem that I think something may be wrong with the lens. I cannot wait for new ones. Next time you will see the last person that made you cry? Who was it? Myself, so, lol. Next person that will call you? Likely my dad about our laptop hunt. Last person that was at your house besides family? A delivery guy. How many friends do you have? I don't know who are really my old friends, friends, and true friends nowadays. Few. When were you born? 11:20 or 11:30 A.M., I forget. Who are you closest to in your family? Mom. What program on your computer do you use the most? Chrome. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? Not unless I was in some sort of freak accident. What is your favorite breed of dog? Akita inus or Saint Bernards. Are you a fan of anime? Yeah. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Soft chocolate chunks. Ahhh. Where is your favorite city? I don't have one. Do you get bored easily? Very. What grosses you out the most? The most? Oh man, idk. Probably seeing bones clearly broken and at gnarly angles, or strange bodily shit like botflies being pulled out (I physically refuse to watch things like that), and giant pimple/cyst popping is fucking disgusting. I do NOT understand how some find it satisfying. Or, as mentioned earlier, seeing fetuses move from the outside. Have you ever been to the circus? In elementary school. I don't remember it. What’s the longest word you know? Uhhh, "brobdingnagian?" Do you use teeth whitener? No, but God knows I want to. Do you think war is an acceptable way of solving problems? NO. NO. NO. NO. Were you a bad child when you were younger? No. What is your favorite type of exercise? Swimming. Do you live near any volcanoes? No. Name one word that you always have trouble pronouncing. Almost everyone points out how I put a "d" in "breakfast" after the "k." I have to consciously think in order to not. Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. The fact I enjoy RP. Do you have any songs that seem to fit your life perfectly? Perfectly, idk. Have you ever tried “planking”? Oh wow, I forgot about that fad. The exercise form of planking, yes. Do you trust yourself with big responsibilities? Usually not. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? So there's this local dessert place I go to exclusively for their ice cream called "campfire delight" that surpasses any ice cream I've ever had. Out of basic flavors, vanilla. How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? Two. Where was your mom born? Somewhere in New York. Have you ever seen your siblings naked? Well duh as kids. As teens/adults, I think I've seen Ashley like once. Now Nicole, she has no shame and used to walk without a care into the living room to grab clean clothes lmao, and she never cared if I needed to come into the bathroom for whatever if she was in there after she got out of the shower. What can always make you feel better no matter what? Show me that video of Mark witnessing for the first time that "nasa peepo" shit lmao. I will at LEAST smile. What did you last order from a restaurant? A double cheeseburger and fries. And what restaurant was that from? McDonald's. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? Yes. Would you ever get your legs waxed? Likely not. Are you listening to music right now? "Roots" by In This Moment. When was the last time somebody hit on you? lul Sara yesterday, I think. Was the last person you met a male or female? Uhhh who was the last person I met. I really don't know. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Sara. Do you own a map of the world? No. Who did you last spoon with? Sara. Does your family eat dinner together? No. When eating string cheese, do you dive right in or just peel it? I don't like string cheese. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing works for me. Do you know how to take screen shots on your computer? Yeah. Do you have a blister anywhere on your body? No. Do you remember what your last fortune cookie said? No, but I think I recall thinking it was stupid. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What do you think of off-brand soda? Doesn't bother me. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Usually hot. Do you grit your teeth a lot? No. Do you like to swing? Ye. How about jumping on a trampoline? Haven't done that in years, and it would probably wreck my knees. Do you have long arm hair? No. Is your hair healthy? Very. How often do you wash your hair? I have to every time I shower unless I want it greasy, so every other day or sometimes one more. Do you love Family Guy, or hate it? It doesn't bother me. Do you like kids? I don't hate them, but being around them long enough tests me. How often do you like to have sex? Sara and I aren't at that point yet, so I can't really say. If I'm still the same, Jason and I did so every few days, and if I didn't see him in like, almost a week, I'd definitely want it. Do you throw shit under your bed? No. Do you like Dairy Queen? Sure. Have you ever actually drank warm milk? Ew, no. Do you prefer to have milk when you eat cakes/cookies? Every once in a while for cookies. What is your preferred brand of chocolate? Ohhhhhh I can't remember its name. It's one of the "fancier" kinds. Do you like white chocolate? No, too sweet. Are there any movies/shows you’ve seen so many times you’re sick of them? I don't think so. What about songs you’ve heard so many times you hate them? Not hate. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah, as a kid, and here in the South, there's also this tasty treat called snow cream that you make with fresh snow. Are there any metals that turn your skin green? Silver. Do you know anybody who gets feminism confused with misandry? BOY DO I Do you talk to your pets? Seriously curious, does anyone not? When you do, is your tone different from when you talk to humans? Usually. Do you like using terms of endearment? Yes. Describe yourself with 3 fictional characters. Okay so I'mma actually think here... HA FIRST I am the Actual Eric Derekson, Max Caulfield (tho I give myself just enough credit that I am not that cringey), and Katniss Everdeen, if I remember her well enough (and I only read the first book/saw the first movie). Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason? No. Do you own/wear any jumpsuits? No. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog) Cats, plenty. What’s a movie you think more people should see? Idk. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) Haven't since high school, but I'm very interested in it. If you do, do you have any favorite gods/goddesses? Maybe Artemis. Do you think it’s prettier when the moon is full, or a crescent? Full. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Does the Kennedy Space Center qualify? Have you grown to dislike your first email address? Lol, I'll admit it's embarrassing when I have to give it out. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. What songs bring back happy memories for you? "Closer" by The Chainsmokers, "Leavin'" by Jesse McCartney, "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, "All Time Low" by Jon Bellion, "Caroline" by Aminé, "I'm Not A Vampire" by Falling In Reverse, a few Billy Joel songs, a lot of old Train songs, "Let Me Hear You Scream" by Ozzy... a lot. Are there any smells that bring back happy memories? Probably? Oh, pancakes and sausage or bacon cooking, for one. I just remember the occasional times as a kid Mom would make breakfast.

[space-unicorn-dot]

Oh, hey! I’ve been meaning to do this thing for a while since I first saw it and I keep forgetting, so thanks to @stormiesquall for the tag! And this also solved my crisis of what to do first in the morning! I’m also still hella in the mood for tumblr dev, so if you have any more questions or ideas for any of my sso ocs, go hit up their sideblogs with an ask, kids!

[name] dot, we’re gonna say. cause i’m still a wee bit uncomfortable just sharing that unless its close friends.

[sign] gemini

[height] 5′ 4″ ish.

[put your songs on shuffle and & list the first four]

going from my “general playlist” on spotify cause it’s where i dump anything and everything i enjoy. (dear god it pulled songs i haven’t listened to in a while, way to call me out, spotify)

all star // smash mouth

setting sun // miracle of sound - an rdr2 inspired song

drunk on a plane // dierks bentley

fuck this shit, i’m out

hey. you wanted honesty. i swear, there’s actual shit on here. but sometimes, you just gotta have a good meme song.

[grab the nearest book, go to page 23. what’s the 17th line?]

“your goal here is to control it by pulling the rod left or right in the [line 18, opposite direction to the movement of the fish].”

this book happens to by my official guide to red dead redemption 2, hard back, collector’s edition, if i remember correctly. and page 23 happens to be about the fishing mechanic.

it’s actually really relaxing. i’m not much for that sort of outdoorsy hunty stuff irl, but the few times I’ve done fishing in rdr2 have been really fun. i should do more of it. Let arthur have some arthur time away from camp idiots like micah, i mean, what?

[had a song or poem written about you?]

maybe? i did creative writing in high school for two years, and there was lots of poetry involved in my second year. we had lots of good times no matter what we wrote, and that was really the best part. i loved that class and all we shared in it.

[when was the last time you played air guitar?]

fucc, i dunno. probably coming home from work one night cause we listen to the radio a lot. if my mom doesn’t decide to talk my ear off. so probably within the last week or two.

[do you believe in ghosts?]

i don’t know. i’m a baby when it comes to anything horror, so, usually, i don’t like thinking about it because people like to portray the spooky scary of it, and if i think about, i scare myself thinking about those ghosts. but maybe. i’m also not religious, so like... i don’t know? i think it’s possible there could be, like, spirits that have unfinished business, or like they stay behind to look after someone, you know?

[do you believe in aliens?]

do i actively think about whether or not i believe in aliens? no. do i believe in aliens in, like, the sci-fi sort of sense? eh, not particularly, but in the whole concept of some sort of life out there on another planet? sure. why not? just because earth is perfect for us and we’re so widespread on this planet, that doesn’t mean that some sort of life out there somewhere else doesn’t exist. Microorganisms are fucking everywhere here, after all, and plenty are important in several natural processes.

[do you drive? if you do, have you ever been in an accident?]

i have a permit, but i haven’t done a lot of driving. i’m talking like around the block and in a parking lot kind of driving. i don’t think i’ve personally been in anything too bad that i can remember as a passenger? scrapes and dings, yes, but nothing that wasn’t ~easily resolved.

[last book you read? actual book?]

fuck, i also don’t know this one. i do like to read, i just... don’t do a whole lot of it now that i’m not in school. i think, oh god...

i mean, technically, i’ve read out of my rdr2 guide as needed and, of course, continue to do so when i want to reference something.

but the last book i remember reading is the first book in the warriors series about the origins of the clans? like, the one about the tribe splitting up and the group from the tribe travelling to the area the clans lived. i’d get up and go grab the title and series name exact, but i’m lazy cause i’m under a really comfy blanket. >.>

[do you like the smell of gasoline?]

i’m gonna be the odd one out and say kind of, actually. sometimes, not so much, but, usually, i don’t mind it. would i want to spend loads of time around it? fuck, no, but in a gas station, i’ve found it like... idk, interesting, how it smells, i guess?

[what was the last movie you saw?]

i literally had to look up a 2018 release schedule to figure it out, y i k e s. the last movie i think i saw in a theater was the nutcracker and the four realms. i intended to see more, but my mom and i are actually horrible at making plans and sticking to them when it comes to going out to see movies?

the last movie i watched though was... i think sherlock holmes (2009), with robert downey, jr. and jude law. i love that movie.

[do you have any obsessions right now?]

star stable online is like my ongoing obsession, and red dead redemption 2 - mostly arthur morgan is a good character and i’m still not over how pretty the game is and i’ve had it since release.

[do you tend to hold grudges?]

i don’t know, i don’t think so. tldr, i have a fucked relationship with my biological dad that took me maybe three or four years to finally cough up that i wanted him the fuck out of my life cause he was a toxic, negative influence, and i still want nothing to fucking do with him for good reason. i’d like to think most of the people i purposely cut out of my life are for something like that, not because of some dumb grudge. i was way too fucking forgiving for way too long in that case, so... i just. i don’t think i do grudges. if you’re bringing me down and otherwise being more of a bad influence and energy in my life than a good one, i won’t want to be around you. that’s what i do. if you hurt my friends, i’m going to keep that in mind.

that one bad experience i kept going for too long was just too much for me to not be hesitant and careful now when you really hurt me or someone i trust. i don’t have time to give twenty undeserved second chances, especially doing so much better like i am now, far away from all that.

sorry that got a little personal, but i mean... hey, it’s a personal ask. might as well be honest.

[are you in a relationship right now?]

fuck nooooooooooooooo, as friends and i would say memeingly. i’m very asexual when it comes to me things, and i’ve honestly just... never been interested in anyone that way. not seriously. i was the one in high school to hear all my friends’ relationship woes and think to myself “i don’t need that kinda extra added bs stress, i have enough to worry about.”

and i like to joke that being single = more pizza for me, myself, and i when i want pizza, so that is a definite plus.

so tldr, no, and i’m not interested. i’m happy being a single pringle.

[lifewithlala]

How I survived academical suicide

(or I did 2 semesters in 1. Twice. It was hell. pt 2)

As I said in my previous article, I took probably one of the worst choices a student could take: I did 2 semesters at the same time. Twice. If you wanna check why on earth I did that and how it went, you can check that here.

The first semester was the hardest. I had to look for a way to accomplish everything and somehow, I managed. However, the second time I did it, I prepared myself for my inevitable future. Thankfully, it went smoother than I thought. This is how I did it.

Plan ahead

Before starting the second time, I had about a month of vacations. That was the key to my success. I got and read all the syllabus I had for the next semester. I would mark down which ones had regular tests, presentations, essays or research. Presentations, essays and research are usually explained in the syllabus, unlike the theory which is mostly from the books. This way I could see which subjects required the most attention of me beforehand. Usually, this is how I did it:

Brainstorm presentations. Can you choose what you are going to talk about or is it a fixed subject? Can you make a plan on the topics you want to talk about the subject? What can you say there? Why is it relevant? Is there any research that supports what you are going to say?

Look for information about the essays and research. When it comes down to these 2, it is absolutely important to know a little in advance. For occasions like these, I love using Evernote's web clipper. You can neatly organise all the web clips in different formats such as an article, full page, screenshot, bookmark or save an entire pdf. The more you have there the better and more useful Evernote will be. And you can always come back to them easily. I'm not exaggerating, Evernote helped a ton! Here's a link if you're interested in using it:

https://evernote.com/products/webclipper

Look for summaries!! This is probably my number 1 tip. Downloading a summary can make your life so. much. easier. If you're too lazy to read the book before a lecture, try reading the summary so you still get the idea. Most of my professors give classes at the speed of light and it's in the lectures where I saw the power of having a summary at hand. Sometimes I would get lost, searching for what my professors were talking about in the books. A good summary only discusses the highlights, what is most important and most professors do just that. Some books come with a summary already, so try following the lectures with its help. If you still would like a little more detail, you can search online for more. I use the following websites:

https://www.studeersnel.nl/

https://www.stuvia.nl/

If you live in the Netherlands or are studying in Dutch, you can check those websites. For some documents you have to pay for premium but if you upload one of your documents you get 2 weeks free premium. I've never paid and I've always been able to download all the summaries I needed.

If you get classes in English, you can check out these sites (although idk how effective they are):

https://www.studocu.com/

https://www.cliffsnotes.com/

When classes start, then you can plan more specifically. Sometimes the schedule changes, some professors change some deadlines, anything can happen. So it's important to have a little agenda or bullet journal to keep track of the daily tasks you must do in order to get shit done.

Stick to your method of studying.

I love experimenting with new study methods but when you have so little time, I recommend to keep the experimenting at a minimum. I stuck to what worked best for me at that time with some tweaks here and there. If you completely change your study habits and fail completely, then you can't make up for the lost time. So I decided to be better safe than sorry. This is how I study best. 

Share with others.

Even though I tried my best to keep up with everything, there were times I simply overlooked something. In times like these, it is good to have a classmate that can help you with this. Now, I didn't want to be the sort of classmate that only talked to others when I needed something. So when I ask my classmates for something that I don't have, I make sure that I can give them something in return. Just like me, they are likely to have overlooked something else. So I try to figure it out by asking questions such as "Hey, have you start learning X?" or "Do you have all the answers for Y?" It's a very simple way to start a conversation and figure out what they need. And that's basically how I started to befriend others at college and now we are good friends. My others classmates ask me for help regularly and are very thankful. We even organise mini classes so I can explain certain subjects to them. I don't mind because I'm practising the stuff at the same time too and my classmates ask a lot of questions so they also make me think. Professors are also likely to see how responsible you are, and that's also part of the reason I became a TA, even though I'm still at Bachelors. (I don't give classes tho).

Find out when you are the most productive.

I really needed to use my time mindfully and effectively, so I worked when I was the most productive. Which was at 03.00 AM. It sounds crazy but for a college student pulling out an almost impossible feat for most people, it isn't. Where there's a will, there's a way. I'm not telling you to do the same because I don't want you to fall asleep on classes or somewhere else. Maybe you're a night owl. Which is fine. Work at midnight! Just make sure what you're doing is productive!

I realised after doing all of this I had more time than the first time I tried to do it. It was also a lot more manageable for me and I got used to it. It taught me to be more disciplined and to learn smarter and a lot of opportunities came my way. I was offered internships, I was able to work as a TA, and I am very glad that I am at the top of my class. If I hadn't work my ass off I wouldn't be able to have accomplished any of this, so I am happy that I went through all that hardship.

You can follow me on: Instagram: http://instagram.com/shirouvscollege Tumblr: https://shirouvscollege.tumblr.com/ Snapchat: shirouvscollege

Shirou.

[airanke]

Ho boy I know that some of you probably read those tags and now you’re really concerned, doN’-- well I guess you can be concerned but I put those tags there as a warning to anyone who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be able to handle things that are this heavy (I’m basically a lot of weight, I am a burden) so if that bothers you don’t read and you don’t need to be concerned but you’re probably going to be concerned anyway because a lot of ya’ll care about me so regardless of what I say this is concerning.

Can you tell that I am just. Incredibly self aware? I would be the anime character that breaks the fourth wall in an anime series (and here I try to make a joke out of something that is not really a joke but um I tried?)

I guess this is just one of those week’s for me. Y’know the ones where you think about how old you are and how you don’t meet up to the standards of where society thinks you should be when you’re at this age (living alone, doing all your own taxes, paying all your own bills, owning a car, owning a house, drowning in debt because That’s Life Kids).

And then I think about how I’m probably never going to get married (27 still single never dated - mostly because I have had several guys tell me I’m intimidating or something? I’ve been hit on but I always laugh things off), mostly because I actually can’t see myself in a relationship and/or married even though it’s something I would like to have.

Then I wonder if I want to have it because I know my mother and father have dreams about me getting married and how much my mother would love to plan that with me and how it would mean so much to her (and to have grandkids, of course, most mothers want that) and how my dad would love to walk me down the aisle and. They’ll never get to have that and that kills me inside.

Of course once I get on this line of thinking I start thinking about everything else. Like how much I hate myself, how much I dread going to work but when I’m there I’m happy because I love my co-workers but most of the time I just can’t wait to get back home. And then I start thinking about how in a few years I probably won’t have my dearest friend around (or... many of my dear friends probably most likely who knows) and most of those are due to things outside my control. It takes a while to understand that there’s nothing I can do but enjoy my time with people while it lasts.

I should really form relationships outside of the internet but I’m too strange and no one here shares my interests or just has other people that they click with more (or I have people give up on trying to spend time with me just because one time I say no, because I have something else planned or I have DND or I am just too tired or I already went out that day but I said no once so it’s time to give up I guess).

Anytime I try to make plans they almost always fall through so I gave up on that too. I gave up on relationships in general, I don’t try, other people don’t try, so what is the point in trying? Or other people do try and I apparently just decide that I am not worth their time so I don’t respond and so they give up and Mansion is a really good song have you heard it?

What else doesn’t help is that I internalize so much negativity, I remember every single one of my mistakes, all of my jokes are self deprecating in some way, I’m convinced I’m fat because my weight (and gut) are of such concern to my mother (who has body issues as well so don’t say shit about my mother I will literally fight you) even though the fat on my body evenly distributes and hardly affects this so-called hourglass figure that I have.

To top everything off, I know I’m not happy, I acknowledge I’m not happy, and I know I will never be happy (or joyful, for that matter). Most of the time I’m just waiting for it to end, even though I don’t want to die (who really does? Most people who survive attempts on their life realize they never wanted to die in the first place). Any time my parents are gone I expect the next phone call I get or text to get to be that they died and then I’ll have to live all on my own. I will never be capable of being independent, I can hardly take care of myself, my diet is coca cola because I’m too lazy to make actual food.

It’s the little things. I notice the little things. The little things scare me a lot. I sometimes jokingly want to tell people that “I’ll be happy when I’m dead” but how can I be happy when I won’t be alive to be... happy? Lol? How does this make sense to you brain, please explain yourself?

I should probably go see a psychologist / psychiatrist / a doctor but I’m so convinced that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I can’t LET there be anything wrong with me because any time I try to bring it up to anyone (here IRL, most people online are more... idk, open / helpful but also dismissive so I guess what’s up here I am lmao) because I must be Normal. Also I’m cis-het so there literally can’t be anything wrong with me right? Right.

Often times I tell people that the fact that I’m religious is the only reason I’m still around because if not for Christianity I wouldn’t be here and none of you would have met me, but I’m also grossly sexual and when you grow up Christian there is nothing worse than Being Sexual In Any Way Shape Or Form. I had a lot of issues as a child (that I’m not going to talk about lmao because they disgust me and I’m grateful that at the very least I won’t be necessarily held accountable for the dumb fucking shit I did when I was eleven. Hopefully. Maybe. Who knows. But I was a gross kid and I’m still pretty gross as an adult so I don’t know what I really expect lmao, chances are this is probably why I’m single and will always be, and so here my mind goes back to thinking about how my dad will never get to walk me down the aisle and how my mother will never get to plan a wedding with me and that honestly just tears my heart apart and always, always makes me want to cry that I will never be the daughter my parents have wanted).

I don’t even want to talk about half my issues because like I said I literally internalize everything because I trust people but I trust no one. Anytime I make an off-handed comment that is me trying to “get help”, again like I said it’s dismissed (or people can’t talk about it and I understand that the things that go through my mind are heavy and hard to swallow and wow I honestly wonder how I even manage to put up with myself? Wow. I always figured I had an incredibly strong mentality to be able to put myself through what I put myself through and still wake up the next day and roll out to work).

Also we’ll not talk about the fact that I close my eyes when I drive sometimes.

Sorry this is long and dumb I’ll peace out to bed because I can’t not be early to work tomorrow, it’s killing me to be there a minute before I’m supposed to be (I’ll chalk that up to band and how being on time means your late and being early means you’re on time - funny how I could never be on time to anything other than work though. Funny).

Funny.

[2snoots2furrious-blog]

The once a month update I apparently do now

IDK guys I just don’t check Tumblr lately. I keep thinking about deleting it but then I don’t want to miss out on stuff people here are up to. 

I got a “dematting tool” that actually breaks up Quinn’s undercoat so now I’ve been locking her in the bathroom and torturing her (her words) every few days and I’ve gotten soooooo much undercoat out and she probably weighs like 2 pounds less and must feel better but does she appreciate it? No.

She would like to note she enjoys the treats she gets and if we could keep those coming without the brushies that’d be great

There’s various loose ends that aren’t done yet with the car accident and like.......... I just want it to be all done and over. It’s nothing major, just the last money bits that the other lady’s insurance owes me and extended warranty refund. But like, I just want to not have additional things on my to do list already.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IDK... what else....

Erick and I both took last week off of work and chilled and went on some day trips. Nothing super exciting, but it was nice. I got some chores done, though not as many as I wanted, but I’m happy about what I did get done.

We also went to a wedding last weekend and it was nice and stuff but we don’t know the couple well at all (it was Erick’s third cousin). The wedding seemed really expensive. I’m curious how much it cost now. This fall we’re going to a wedding that I know is costing about 70k, which seems like a lot to me... probably cuz it is. We spent like 25k-ish on our wedding and that felt like a lot.

Like I’ve been to cheapish weddings and mid-range weddings and 150k weddings (or birthday parties...) and like........... there’s differences, but is it really like 10-20 times better? I don’t really think so. I mean, people can do what they want and can afford for their weddings. I just feel kinda weird at these expensive parties. Esp with the waitstaff who seem to expect nothing from you in terms of interaction and they’re just like operating around you.... I feel weird saying nothing but also like I don’t want to bother them when they’re like doing their thing?

Oh my acne has gotten a looooot better! I started a 3 month course of antibiotics and that helped a lot, then that ran out and in like 2-3 weeks it was coming back, so I asked the doctor and got more antibiotics and it’s been like 3 weeks and it’s better than before. I’m still pretty sure you’re not supposed to be on antibiotics forever, so idk what happens when this course is done. But if it’s some version of not being on medicine and not having acne, that’d be awesome. Now I’m going to talk about skin care more than anyone cares to read:

I started using CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser and it’s pretty great. I think my skin has been less red and less oily because the cleanser isn’t drying my skin out at all.

Also have been using Paula’s Choice 10% AHA stuff like 1-2ish times a week, and I think it’s helping the discoloration from acne scars a lot. Though too much and I get red.

Also been using a 2.5% benzoyl peroxide to help with antibiotic resistance. BP tends to dry my skin out and make it itchy, but the 2.5% isn’t as bad and I’ve been doing cleanse > moisturizer > BP > moisturizer and that seems to avoid most of the redness. Also not using it at the same time as the AHA stuff.

I have used a BHA (Paula’s Choice most recently) for a long time, but I’m not entirely convinced it does anything for me. So I recently ran out of the bottle I had and am now not using it for a while to see what happens.

I haven’t used it in my acne-prone areas, but CeraVe tub moisturizer has been great for all the other skin areas. I’m worried it’ll break me out but I might try it on my shoulders at some point.

I really need a haircut.

I’ve gone a little harder in the “get rid of stuff” direction lately. Erick even got rid of some stuff all on his own! He was watching Queer Eye on Netflix and watching the guys who were slobs get told to clean up made him want to clean up his stuff. It was a wonderful day for me.

He mostly got rid of clothes and I kinda want him to get rid of slightly more clothes so whenever we get around to buying new dressers, we can have 2 instead of 3 (right now we have one big dresser and two littler ones). I got rid of enough stuff recently that I have like half an empty drawer even after moving my sweaters from the closet to the dresser.

There’s stuff I need to do stuff to before we get rid of it and it kinda stresses me out. Like I need to clean some pet stuff before taking it to the animal shelter to donate. And I need to clean the old reel mower and spreader before listing them online (or putting on the curb if I get lazy). And there’s an elliptical that Erick is supposed to get rid of but it’s large and in the way. And I need to give someone a bookcase. And figure out what to do with my older violin cuz I don’t need two.

Also anyone want some bone china place settings??? I got some looking for a new home!

I started reading a book about self esteem today and HO BOY GUYS is this gonna be a thing.

Bad News: when it listed the possible ways low self esteem can impact a person (like in very general terms) it was like someone describing me!

Good News: I’m pretty sure I don’t have the type of self esteem issue where “I have literally none of it because my parents were abusive.” I’m pretty sure I’m more the type where in some regards it’s fine and then in other areas it’s shitty for some reason. Honestly I think my parents are responsible for a lot of the good aspects of my self esteem rather than the bad ones.

Um, ok the end.

[the-seasons-of-mylife]

I found these questions on Pinterest and felt like answering a few. They are apparently from Tumblr and Idk who created them. Feel free to tag them if you know. 1) read: practical magic Watch: peace love and misunderstanding Listen: to my deep dark South playlist on Spotify 2) not yet but I'm working on it one book at a time 3)Lost girl- kenzi Originals- Sophie devereux, Hayley Marshall Vincent Griffith Orphan black- Cosima 4) when I was younger I wanted to go by my first name Jessica and be called jessi but yeah I'm cool with being Kenzie now. 5) I am a human being making my way through life trying to figure out what makes me truly happy without becoming the things I do. 6)I'm a witch 7)not particularly I'm mutt per say so I don't really have anything to identify with. 8)Fleetwood Mac, ZZ Ward, Evanescence 9) not really I was a lot better at drawing when I was younger but never really followed through with it. 10)Do what makes you happy and don't be a Dick. 11) Autumn morning with heavy fog, warm tea, yoga, cat cuddles, baking with my hubby and watching a movie/show, storms/rain. 12) cats but I do like dogs just not hyper ones. 13) both. 14) hahahahaha. 15)Night by Eli Wiesel, Giver and Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series by Steig Larsson, Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. 16)probably. 17)only part of me because I'm more than what I show online. 18) no clue. 19) no clue. 20) middle earth. 21) nope. 22) sleeping, working, cleaning, watching YouTube, reading. 23) I see them often enough most live within 30 minutes to an hour of me. 24) no. 25) to an extent yes. 26) straight female. 27) in the fall yes. In the summer I'm just trying not to die ftom the heat. 28) depends on my attitude and mood at the time. Sometimes I'm a ruthless bitch and nothing bothers me other times even looking at me wrong makes me cry. 29) Compromise by Molly Kate Kestner, I'm not Famous by AJR, Sky Full of Song by Florence and the machine. 30) I haven't been everywhere but it's on my list.-susan sontag. ~~~~~ 1)MaKenzie. 2) 24. 3)spiders, falling from heights, never finding my purpose in life. 4) animals, Autumn, new orleans. 5) tall, someone not afraid to be sensitive, good with kids, good with animals. 6) arrogant, assholes, snobby, cruel. 7) Amelia and Xan. 8)straight. 9)something that someone puts a lot of thought into. 10)5'7. 11)simpler times. 12) Aug 1994. 13)burnt orange, black, mustard yellow. 14)of course. 15)“My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage."- aunt Frances, Practical Magic. 16)New Orleans. 17)chocolate. 18) no never 😜. 19) My Deep Dark South playlist in Spotify. 20) their demeanour. 21) 8.5. 22)brown. 23) brown. 24) comfortable and all black. 25) yes. 27) the changing seasons of my life. 28) practical magic. 29) tbh it changes from day to day. 30) ZZ Ward, Johnnyswim. 31) tired. 32) my husband. 33) married. 34) fair. 35) Halloween. 36) 2 tattoos, 4 piercings. ~~~~~ 1) black. 2) city. 3) play an instrument. 4) I'm from the south just a out everything has sugar in it lol. 5) American Girl books. 6) baths. 7) Fairy. 8) paper books. 9) sweaters. 10) yes. No. 11) I don't have one. 12) no. 13) yes. 14) no. 15) water. 16) mom and dad. 17) mom. 18) moving from our apartment to our trailer. 19) I'm not that adventurous with my food. 20) the backyard. 21) ability to travel. 22) occasionally. 23) yes. 24) no. 25) pen. 26) Leo. 27) I'm not a cereal fan. 28) Idk. 29) yes. Practical Magic. 30) try to be there for them. 31) yes. 32) spiders. 33) fresh cut grass. Rain. The oceans. pumpkin spice. Cinnamon. 34) last unless told otherwise. 35) traveling where my heart desired. 36) both. 37) Idk see if it belonged to anyone in the area. Then give to some person of authority. 38) yes. Yes. 39) that not everyone had your best interest at heart and that it's ok to after your self and put your self first. 40) uh Idk. 41) the tv. 42) at home. 43) laziness. 44) 1920s. 1950s. 45) 😂. 46) Autumn. I love the colours and temperatures. AS well as Halloween. 47) hanging out in New Orleans. 48) introvert. 49) not going after what I want. 50) I'm too tired to be creative.

[paw-patrol-kiddo]

2017 for my regressive side

Well guys, this is it; we’re really already at the end of 2017! Hard to believe, ain’t it? Well, I normally don’t do year review thingies, bu’ I figured I should probably do one this year, mostly cause this year’s been the best out of all the years of my life- and that’s saying a lot. I mostly wanna cover what this year has held for my regressive side, also with bits of stuff that happened in my big girl life!

If ya want, I’d love if ya made one of these posts about what this year held for your regressive side and you tagged me in it! Chances are, I’ll be reading it and replying very quickly! 

Anyways, time for the year review! It begins below the cut!

This year’s held a lot of things for my regressive side; a lot more than the previous years. I’m going to try and cover everything, for every month of the year!

January held my fifteenth birthday and also marked four years since I started liking diapers nonstop again, which ultimately led to me beginning to age regress. I discovered that it seems my regressive side is most active this month, something that’s really helpful to know for obvious reasons. I attempted to indulge in my regressive side discreetly to cope with stress, as I was still hiding this whole thing at the time and seldom spoke about it to Kaiya, my younger sister. I also remember that the month before, I stopped identifying as a chireb, and was trying to find a new label for myself, but was failing. This was frustrating to me.

I don’t really remember a whole lot about February! Not much that I can note, that is. Thinking about it, this month is kinda a blurry, confusing mess if that says anything; I just can’t remember a whole lot from it! I think either this month or the month after was when I gave up on finding a label and just settled on the generic age regressor term.

March held quite a bit of things for my big girl side; I began playing baseball, got my own room at last, and mourned the loss of a big part of my preteen and early teenagehood when Club Penguin shut down. Even with more privacy for my regressive side and my life in general, I mostly forgot about my regressive side around this time and moved on with my life.

April doesn’t hold a lot of notable things for agere, either. I do know that starting four months before, I started feeling other ages in my identity (I feel all the ages I regress to in my identity. Like, I feel like them and at times, that for example, I’m a 7-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body. It’s not a fun feeling) and I accepted two without a problem (10 and 11), but I continued to deny and push aside another age I felt, thinking it seemed too young. After all, I was content with my youngest being two-years-old; or so I thought.

I wanna say May started getting a bit tough. As the spring season of baseball drew closer to the end, of course, my regressive side began trying to rise from the depths. The little girl inside me wanted attention and more space. She couldn’t keep sitting back and hiding forever.

The most I could do for my little self was watch toddler and little kid shows in private, play with my toys, play children’s games online, and color. Not a whole lot, clearly, and I was still self-conscious of a lot of this. I am sure this is the time where I began feeling trapped regarding all of this. 

June began to show signs of easier times. Baseball finally ended for the summer, which of course, led to the “Well dang; what am I gonna do with my life til the fall season?” moment. My regressive side, of course, took the wheel for most of the summer at this point. Hiding this was becoming very hard; I had to find some way to cope, some way to be open, anything. My little side could hardly take it anymore; this month or the next month marked four years since she first stepped into my life and you can only hide yourself for so long before it becomes too much (I had been making an effort to hide for a year or two before then).

Towards the end of the month, I finally reluctantly accepted the fact I seemed to regress to age 1 and 4 days later, I finally gathered the courage to make this blog, something I had thought about for a year, but could never do it. I told myself if I regretted it, I could just delete it, no problem; that was what I was expecting I’d end up doing. 

But instead, with a place I could be little, the trapped feeling began to ease. I was scared, of course, but also relieved and very happy. In fact, I was so happy that when I went to the bathroom shortly after a brief flood-reblog, I had to happy stim for a minute or two before I could actually do what I came in there for. I gave Mom and Kaiya the link to this blog. I’m sure making this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve made this year- and I’ve made a lot.

Making the blog reminded of my love for diapers, which brought back a memory of when Mom sneakily bought some for me the summer before. Talking about it here was really hard at first and took a lot of courage, but if you can’t tell, I can do it without flinching or hesitating now. After a quick chat with Mom, I decided at last, I’d finally try them whenever Dad left the house for a few hours (shout-out to the anon who sent that ask after I posted about it, you’re amazing and I hope you had a wonderful year. We need more people like you. Also, I started happy stimming when I reread the ask before linking it here).

Also, I rediscovered Small Elephant (I received the lil guy as a gift a year before and played with him once, but never got too attached to him) around this time and idk what exactly happened or how it did, but apparently, I ended up attached to him and I still am. He’s my lil vacation/severe weather evacuation buddy now.

July was a blast! I finally tried out my diapers shortly after Dad left to help out at a vape and tattoo shop he volunteers at and by the time I finally changed out of my first diaper, I had officially decided I was wearing them for the rest of my life (not as in 24/7, but... I’m sure ya know what I mean). The only problem is that because I was used to seeing what all the a/b/d/l community advertised, I ended up developing a rash the second time I wore and had to learn how to take care of myself properly mostly by myself with the occasional help from Mom and the internet (and literally now is when I see everyone from that community talking about the proper way to do things...).

The day I tried diapers out, I tried out regressing to age 1 to see how I’d like it and well, the rest is history. ;) 

Kai relearned of the diapers this month (read it once somewhere on my blog according to Mom, then I had to tell her about a sample pack on the way, and then Mom had to have a conversation with her about it in the car when they were the only ones in there) and said she was cool with it and briefly even began joking about the whole age regression thing (in a friendly way, mind you).

I told Kim, my older sister, about my regression, and she took it wonderfully, of course. I also told a friend of mine about my regression and liking of diapers, who also took it just fine and showed a lot of support for it. 

I began to indulge more and more into this and I even had a friend who also age regressed by the end of this month (Rayyyyyyy~). 

I went to Florida with Mama, Kai, and a former (? I don’t even know anymore, honestly) friend of Mama’s and it held some interesting adventures there, too! I took Small Elephant places, regressed at the beach twice (@ Kai, psst. Remember when I trapped you in that hug and almost sunk us into the ocean? Well, there’s your reason why), got a Winnie the Pooh book from Goodwill, and indulged in some tasty smiley fries one afternoon! Clearly, this month is one of the best for my age regression. The little girl inside was happy; I was no longer feeling trapped.

August was pretty wild. Small Elephant came with me to Georgia; I don’t think he got to come along on any adventures outdoors, however. I got a jack-in-the-box style toy with a mama kangaroo and her baby joey inside. I also regressed at some point at our cabin and enjoyed running around outside just before a storm blew through. Mom chose to tell someone about my age regression without my permission (talk about a thought to occupy yourself down the lengthy lazy river) and thankfully, that person was fine with it. I was thinking about telling her not too long before, funny enough. I’d prefer permission and a warning before telling someone, though, aha.

I got two “0+ months” pacifiers that month from Mom and literally spent 2 hours sucking on them, save for when I briefly stopped to switch; needless to say, my TMJ relapsed very quickly after around six months of absence of symptoms, aha.

My ex broke up with me (I got with him back in May), despite promising that no breakup would happen 3 days before. This was mostly a good thing, though; no more worrying about how and when to tell him about the diapers and age regression! I’ve been single since and content with it. The thought of telling my future boyfriend(s) this is terrifying, but maybe he’ll be fine with it. Maybe I’ll even meet someone who also likes diapers (nonsexually, mind you) and age regresses as well! I imagine that’s a once in a blue moon thing, though.

We also told Dad about my regression and he took it fine, something that surprised me, as I was genuinely not expecting it. Mom didn’t tell him a lot and eventually, decided to back off for a bit temporarily after mentioning that I “liked to act like a 7/5-year-old sometimes” and that I liked pacifiers and wanted one (this was after I got mine). According to Mom, he didn’t respond to the pacifiers thing and honestly, it’s still kinda scary (if it’s the no reply I think it is, I got him to do it back in October and it’s really unsettling). I don’t know what it means and I don’t think I want to know. He still doesn’t know about the pacifiers to this day. It’s wild.

September held its own adventures. I finally rediscovered an old bag of Mom’s (I mostly remember it because she had it when I was an ‘’actual’’ toddler) and what’s inside? A baby bottle I held on to for three years from when my parents had me treat Puzzle Piece as if he were a baby, thinking it’d rid of my age regression tendencies (if anything, I think this just fed it tbh). I planned to wash it and perhaps try it out or look into a new one.

This also held a notable visit from my older sister. She was told about my liking of diapers and you probably guessed it, her response was coming to my room (I panicked and ran away while she was on the way to the living room after Mom called her in there), giving me a hug, and saying, “I love and support you no matter what you do”. My sisters are great if you can’t tell, and I also mean that outside of agere.

The night before the diaper reveal, Mom noticed me lying on Kim while she rocked the recliner one evening and Mom offered to rock me someday while Dad was gone, something I accepted pretty quickly. I got Mom to rock me for the first time ever two days later. Mom also told me that Dad was fine with the rocking, hence why I was rocked literally right next to him at some point, and he even said he could rock me someday. I don’t think I could do that, though; age regression related stuff is really hard to do around him, and I’d be too worried about his back (he has a bad back).

That month, the day before the rocking part took place, I finally gathered the courage to actually refer to her as “Mommy” on here, along with “Daddy” for Dad. It honestly feels so good to do. I just find it sad I was so scared to use those words at first thanks to the kink/sters. I refer to those two regularly by those titles, mostly to try and reclaim those words as innocent, pure words I call my parents occasionally, rather than terms that are tainted with reminders of ki/nk. Mommy’s easier to use, because I’m closer to Mom than Dad (as of late, that is), and also because “Mommy” isn’t as corrupted as “Daddy”.

I got a Pooh Bear sleeper the day of my second baseball game of the fall season. It’s soft and it makes me feel like a toddler; the only problem is that it’s so easy to overheat in it (which really sucks because I’m hypersensitive to heat and can’t handle getting really hot) and sleepers take up a lot of room in a dresser.

Oh, and this month, Mom called me a nick name she uses for me quite a bit now; “My baby”. Out of all the nicknames I know, I never thought of that. I still melt when she calls me it tbh.

October was a mix, really. I don’t remember a whole lot involving this, really. Rocked by Mom again, got another sleeper, and witnessed Kaiya prove that she was okay with the whole diaper thing by insisting she was fine with it, actually going to the adult diaper aisle with us at Wal-Mart (she stayed a bit away from us, though), and when the cashier bagged the diapers up, she moved so dang fast and had them hidden in no time. I know this because I watched her load other stuff into the cart and she was much more relaxed. I did see her look into the cart at some point before we went to check-out, so perhaps she memorized what the package looked like so she could hide them? Idk if she remembers it or if she’d even want to talk about it, so... Who knows

Towards the end of the month, something began happening. I don’t know what, but it eventually led to me becoming depressed again for a little while, but we’ll discuss that in a few minutes. I discovered I was so indulged in my regression I actually forgot aspects of myself and chose to take a break for a week the next month. I came back feeling better about agere and somewhat better about myself in general. I still don’t understand what happened, but it hasn’t happened again since. Hopefully, it’ll never happen again.

November was a pretty miserable month for me tbh. Has a few good or at least neutral parts, mostly in the beginning, of course. One of these is that I discovered that I can go so deep into my baby mindset (I refer to my 1-year-old self as a baby for brevity) that I’ll chew on things without a thought and well, perhaps that other part’s a bit tmi. I also finally tried out my bottle one evening; very comforting and relaxing.

In the middle of the month, I struggled with accepting that perhaps I did need meds after all (spoiler: I definitely need them) and stress from this, a fixation on childhood trauma, and chores, which were gradually becoming stressful instead of enjoyable, began building up. I began to fall back into a depression, something I was in denial about the entire time.

It was this time that I noticed I was having a harder time regressing, something that was terrifying to me. I was scared that perhaps my regressive side was going dormant; one of my biggest fears is that I stop regressing for good and I was scared that was what was about to happen. That was, until one night, I had an involuntary episode briefly. I didn’t think much of it and went on with my night as normal once it concluded. I don’t know why I didn’t become concerned; involuntary episodes are rare for me, after all. But then, I thought I was about to have a block, so I guess that’s why I thought nothing of it.

I tried my best to cope with everything, but it was futile. One night, just witnessing the dog we were dog-sitting have an accident and having to take all three by myself while they all cried and tried to get out just made me snap, I guess. I fell deeper into my depression, began craving to be an actual baby/young toddler again for the first time in a couple of years, and briefly began having involuntary regression episodes every night. Wearing a diaper to bed and having Small Elephant with me every night for a couple of nights, drinking from my bottle one night, spending more time with my pacifiers, and easing up on everything I could helped pull me out of it.

I still don’t understand what exactly happened, but I hope it never happens again. Also, I guess this confirms that I have involuntary regression episodes when I’m overly stressed. Hopefully the next time this happens, my regressive side will keep me afloat, like it always has.

December was pretty good! I got rocked again by Mom while I was being bottlefed by her, got a new bottle and a toddler snack, and got more toddler snacks later on that day (again, Kaiya moved them to another bag quickly before Mom gave me the bag with them inside). Dad learned about the bottles and snacks and thankfully, is alright with it. I wish it was the same way with diapers. He still doesn’t know about me wearing diapers behind his back, as you probably guessed, and it will stay that way for a while. 

I think I kinda cheated another depressive episode, but? It never came. I was just really grumpy and easily upset for a while, to the point of punching my bed and stomping, which I hardly do (heck, I still am as of right now, but it’s calmed down some). I wish whatever my brain’s doing would stop, because it’s getting rather annoying and I’d rather not spend any longer whining frequently and worrying about getting upset to the point of punching or kicking my closet door off its hinges or something. :’)

Christmas was great; I mostly got big girl gifts (see: My new camera) or at least neutral gifts (see: My stim toys and maybe my Pikachu necklace), but I did get a few things that appealed to my regressive side, like a set of five different Paw Patrol puzzles, a penguin plushie with my name written on its tummy (glitter and everything!), and an Animal Jam playset thing!

To end this year off, I got a sippy cup, one of my most-wanted regression items around that time. Now, if only I could actually bring myself to wash my bottle and sippy cup in the dishwasher (they’re top rack safe)... I guess I can start off the new year washing them after I listen to Bring Me to Life or maybe while I’m listening to it, hee hee hee.

As you can see, I had a pretty wild year full of adventures and experiences! You know what? Why don’t I mention some folks who played a role in making this year the best?

Mom - Mom, I think you know how you’ve helped. You’re literally a big aspect in this post. When I was 12, I thought I’d never have your support about all of this, but now, here we are. You’re my mommy and I’m your baby and I always will be. I love you.

Kai - Sis, I think you see your role here, too. I thought you’d never support me, either, but here we are. Thank you for being cool with the diapers and everything else and always being respectful about it. I love you. Also, sorry for almost drowning us that time

Kim - You don’t get on Tumblr anymore, but I figured you deserved your own spot here, anyways. You haven’t gotten to see a lot, but you’ve still been very supportive of all this. Thank you for being fine with it and loving me for who I am, no matter what I choose to do. I love you. Also, I still can’t get over the fact that you seemed to do so good with little me that one time and you didn’t even know I was regressed at the time and you literally treat me how you treated regressed me all the time, but I still can’t get over it

Ray - You were my first friend who also age regressed. Tbh, I’ve admired ya from afar for like, a year before we started talking, but I was always scared to talk to ya. Thank you for being so supportive, helping me out and offering help for things occasionally. Also, thank you again for the regression moodboard ya made in the past for me! I still think about it a lot, and have looked at it so much that I’m pretty sure I have it ingrained into my brain.

Bug - We haven’t known each other for long, but I wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in me and being my friend. You’re adorable and so sweet (and so is your fursona. I love seeing other people’s fursonas, ahhh). My bumblebee plushie told me to tell you he said hi~

Leah - We haven’t known each other for long, either, but you’ve been so sweet to me the entire time we have. Thank you for the times you’ve checked on me when I didn’t seem to be doing so well. We need more people like you. Honestly, your kindness is goals for me; I’m always wanting to be kind at all times and you’ve got that perfect amount, it seems.

All my other followers - I can’t list all of y’all, so I figured y’all should get your own honorable mention in one go~ Some of you I’ve known almost as long as this blog has been around (6 months!), some of you I’ve only recently gotten to know. I don’t know why y’all followed me, but I appreciate it. Thank y’all for following me, sticking around, and just being all-around cool. Y’all are adorable and lovely and I love y’all (and so is everyone else who got a specific mention. Yes, I love you guys, too).

I think 2017 is the best year for my age regression by far and the best year of my life in general. I’ve learned things, laughed, cried, shook from excitement and fear, grinned, and stimmed in many different ways for many different emotions. I can finally be myself without feeling as much shame. An autistic, ADHD teenage girl who is occasionally in diapers and often feels more like a little girl than a teenager sure is an interesting thing to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I don’t know what 2018 could bring, but I am ready for whatever it throws at me, whether it be pie (fun fact: I have never eaten pie before), problems with other people about this, or a pack of diapers.

To all my fellow age regressors, I hope 2018 brings you lots of happiness, acceptance for who you are by others and yourself, and anything you may want for your regressive side, whether it be more toys, a sippy cup, or a lot of marathons for your favorite cartoon/anime/TV show. Even if it’s hard for you right now, it will get easier; I promise.

Happy new year!! Stay little/tiny/smol.

[smallblanketfort]

do you have tips on taking notes?

yes!! i have many, so i tried to make it easier for you to navigate :)

L O N G post ahead of you, covering lecture notes and readings notes, from a college senior :)

lecture notes:

i suggest using a notebook and pen, physically writing down. it’s easier to study, and since it’s using your body, you have a much higher retention rate on your side than if you use a laptop.

i have used my laptop for taking notes before. it’s easier to take more notes, word for word, but that’s not always helpful. maybe that’s your style, especially if you enjoy rewriting your notes all pretty and more successfully when you get home. i am not that girl. 

more notes does not always equal better! it’s good for you to listen actively, selecting what is important and what is not. i take very thorough notes. i take a lot of notes. if you need notes for a missed class, i. am. your. girl. that doesn’t mean i write out everything word for word. selecting details, clauses, and images really helps me to not only keep up, but also to memorize later. plus, when you’re typing, it’s easier to type all the words out without really processing the whole meaning. remember that dense notes are harder to study

finally, when you write by hand, you can get more creative with your style. occasionally, i’ll web notes out from one, rather than a traditional outline, bc it makes more sense for the topic

it also helps my anxiety! so much! if i force myself to take great in depth notes, then my mind has to dedicate more brain space to the task at hand than to my anxieties.

stick to one of these though. it really sucks to get into a test and realize you didn’t study half of your notes bc you forgot half were on your laptop. it’s awful lol.

if you use a laptop, get used to how it works first. do u know how much i resent trying to switch from a bullet that is under other bullets (like this one, not filled in) to a main point bullet (the ones filled in). it can be so confusing. also make sure you use a program you like. you can take directly into documents, but i find that i really love evernote, as i can make notebooks for classes, stacks of notebooks for my college, and that i can tag notes with specific classes and topics.

if you’re on paper, for fuck’s sake, divide your notebook into sections for classes. keep it all together. those notebooks with handy dandy dividers are so helpful, and they keep you from carrying around 5 notebooks at once.

i wouldn’t worry too much about highlighters and such in class. there’s just so much going on then. save highlighting and color coding for later, and count it as studying.

don’t worry about traditional outlining styles, with roman numerals or whatever. i take notes very simply. bullets/dashes, subnotes under a broad note. 

do it how it makes sense to you! maybe that includes different bullet styles, different places for different types of information (on a simple level, i start writing chapter numbers and titles as far to the left as i can go, over the margins, in bold and capital letters. i also usually go over these later in a certain color marker)

in some classes it is helpful for me to write the topic along the top of the page in a highlighter (color coding is lovely) the main idea/topic for each page. the classes this was most obviously helpful in were astronomy (COMETS or BLACKHOLES etc) and shakespeare (MUCH ADO ACT 2 or ROMEO etc)

it’s easiest to just note page numbers of referenced complex diagrams, as they are usually in your reading or accessible online

your style might look different in each class. whatever works.

note everything (everything) your professor writes on the board. if it’s important enough for your professor to write it, it’s probably important enough for you to write it.

note examples only if it’s helpful for your memory. however, make light note of things like famous people and their science/psych experiments. but in math and such, note! the! examples! and! reasons! will help you so much.

examples that have emotion, imagery, or sound are going to be more helpful. applicable examples are most helpful. good professors will lecture you accordingly. lazy ones will not.

star anything that the professor stresses or hints will be tested. anything that they say is a major theme or whatever.

note main ideas/points/themes, definitions, conclusions, 

use your tests to help you figure out what you need to know. ask questions about the tests too. in every class i’ve taken, i’m totally shocked at how willingly people ask about exam format and how willingly the professor will tell us how it will work. they want you to succeed.

people learn differently! i suggest taking notes in class and later adding touches that help you. count it as study time too. a warm up, if you will. 

if you’re visual, this might include highlighting, color coding, drawing diagrams, etc.

 if you’re an auditory learner, reading the notes out loud and organizing them accordingly, as well as making up rhymes, rhythms and such, might help you. some auditory learners actually like to record lectures and listen to them later. 

if you learn best through movement, rewriting or making flashcards will be great for you.

sometimes professors go really. fuckin. fast. why. idk? but

dont be afraid to ask them to go back a slide bc i guarantee, you will be the class hero for asking

develop a little bit of shorthand. sometimes i end up using initials, arrows, abbreviations… this is where i got “bc” and “thru” and “u” and such. lol. also, list things vertically, rather than using commas and “and/&/+) it’ll be more clear later

some professors you literally cannot take notes on. it sucks. you’re going to need to do the readings and pick their brains on how the test will be to figure out how to prepare. take home tests are your best friend. thank god for them. seriously. get your butt to church and do some worshipping.

if your professor puts powerpoints online, save the powerpoints, ya never know.

look at inspiration if you want, but remember that notes on studyblr are usually copied from class notes. if you’re too focused on how pretty your notes are, good luck to you

finally, the day before an exam, i review my notes that i have (hopefully) been studying. i like to make a one page cheat sheet / study guide on everything i didn’t remember, leaving out everything i understand, memorized, or want to disregard. 

reading notes:

ima be real and tell you i hardly ever do reading unless i will be tested on it in class in multiple choice. and im an english student. ye i suck, i know. i dont condone shirking the system but u know what, reading shakespeare or 18th century lit literally makes me want to kill myself. so, im a senior in college, and have barely ever done the reading for a class. the thing is, if you do it right, anything is better than just reading the words on the page and not getting the meaning. dont be a reading zombie. read actively, even if it’s not the actual reading. doing this, i have a 3.9 gpa. so. there’s hope for us yet.

first of all, yall need to do your damn reading. idc how. but due to the fact that a test will be multiple choice, essay answer, a presentation, or a paper, you’re going to not love pulling nothing out of your ass. can be done tho. just be fake deep.

that being said, i’m writing a lot below, but the reality is that if it’s lit, your notes dont have to be longer than a sentence. if it’s a textbook, more.

the same formatting question comes into play here, except it’s should you take notes in your book or in a notebook?

listen i’m always going to be pro notebook, pro physically writing it out as it helps me really get the information into my head, rather than more passively highlighting

i tend to do both, if im willing to mark up a book. i underline and highlight things that stick out to me, and i write them down as well. sometimes when reading literature/essays, if i know the contextual/meaning notes will be interesting to me later, i will copy notes both into my notebook and also less in depth onto post it notes (which also make sweet little flashcards btw), which i will stick into the passage. this is so helpful when a) im reading it again later and b) when we are discussing a passage in class

buy used books. it’s cheaper. until it happens to u, u do NOT UNDERSTAND how EXCITING it is to get a book that has highlights and underlines in it ALREADY. DUDE. my work is basically DONE for me. now take that lightly, bc often different ppl will highlight different pieces of information. however, it is helpful.

look up summaries. do not simply rely on cliffsnotes and sparknotes, esp since professors are very aware of these. google “title of book, summary, chapter notes, whatever youre looking for” and use the blog posts, the book reviews, the papers that come up. does this method probably take a bit longer? maybe? but it’s easier on my tired brain.

if you don’t have time to read your textbook one day and really want to, read the introduction and the conclusion to the chapter, or the first and last sentences to the paragraphs. it’s not great, but it’s something.

like your lectures, note definitions, conclusions, and helpful examples, as well as people and dates. if i’m reading literature and i’m deciding to be a smart student i will keep several logs as well. these logs will make it so. easy. to study for your exam:

updated character lists, including name, relationships, and anything defining and important

scene/chapter summaries, just a sentence summarizing what happened where

any quotes or themes that stand out

i highly highly highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the well educated mind for note taking on a range of genres. this is what i had to use through high school and while it’s involved, it’s incredibly helpful.

if you’re going to have to cite your notes, note the page number in the margin every time you flip the page

the biggest issue i have with reading is when and where to do it. before or after class? always ask your professor if they do not tell you. where in your notebooks? i always do it on the next blank page bc leaving space stresses me the fuck out. make notes on the top of your pages of corresponding lectures/readings. 

for both lectures and readings i really really really suggest either having something to drink or something to snack on (think fruit, loose nuts, m&ms. small loose things rather than things u bite? idk they just last longer?)

okay i hope this was somewhat helpful even tho it’s an incredibly longwinded post. it seems like a lot, but the reality is that while i take a lot of notes, i don’t make them complicated, i don’t have rules, i just do what feels right in the moment. they’re not at all stressful. just take it easy and do whatever works for you :) 

if anyone has other tips, feel free to reply :)