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immoralimmortals · 24 days ago

Text

A Song With Ten Names

Chapter 48: Puppet Loosely Strung (3)

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Chapter Summary: Petty revenge feels really good…until it doesn't.

Author's Note:

I'm evil so there's three songs to keep track of this time. The chapter title and breaks are provided by Puppet Loosely Strung by The Corespondents. The song sung within the chapter is Victoria by Jukebox the Ghost. The song played prior to Victoria, though without lyrics it could technically be anything, is imagined by me to be Ailments by autumn keys.

Additional note: idk why some underlining works and some doesn't, I can't easily edit it to be one or the other on tumblr

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Let me put myself in your shoes

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I suppose it’d be apt for me to provide an apology.”

Leader-sama has placed himself in the entry of the attic, not even bothering to close the hatch. Is that part of it? Is humiliation intended as an aspect of this punishment? It certainly won’t be a substitution for it, Sasori finds. It’s more like being backhanded after getting a palm-forward slap.

“The delay was unintentional,” he continues, voice too loud for the space they’re in. It should be noted that those ringed eyes are the same; Sasori has always wondered if it was some sort of front Pain put on, pretending to be the holder of the mystical Rinnegan. But no. It’s here, staring him down like he’s a dog on the street. How asinine. The redhead ensures his face holds no expression, lest the Akatsuki leader gets some sort of vindication from it.

“You must understand the reasoning for my decision…” He’s fishing for a reaction. “...Don’t you?”

…

Sasori doesn’t give it to him; a poker face remains. He will not object, and nor will he embarrass himself trying to when it’s going to happen anyways. Unlike someone else— very cause of all this, in fact—...he isn’t a child about it when people do mean things.

“Then you are dismissed,” Pain says, as if he didn’t barge into his space, uninvited. “I expect results promptly to make up for the risks you’ve so recklessly taken.”

A hop down the hole, then the taps of feet...and the self righteous head of the Akatsuki is gone. Despite himself, despite a stated lack of need for such physical actions...Sasori’s eyes narrow, still focusing on the wall behind where Pain stood.

Images pasted there reflect in his cold eyes.

There’s her face. Amid the bits and bobs and mechanical necessities for his art, a collage of his subject. Swift strokes of ink capturing the shape of her chin, the bend in her knees, the flow of her hair, across different pieces of paper. It is somehow both perfect and wretched.

The performer is both a subject of study and a subject of his frustration. He has yet to not perfect an art he has attempted.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As a puppet loosely strung

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Despondent again...like a broken toy, indeed. Like a yo-yo, back and forth between frozen and fine. Just yesterday, she was chipper. Now? Slumped over the piano, looking at it like it called her a vulgar name. Sasori’s eyes narrow again. ...Yes. That’s a good idea. Might as well do her a favor...

“Girl.”

Her head turns up; she looks exhausted. For what? What did she do? For a man that tires so easily from emotional labor himself, he’s quick to dismiss the signs of it in other people.

“I’m heading into the village,” he states. “We’re beginning patrols to maintain relations with our new...’allies.’” A bitterness enters the back of his mouth, just enough to taint how they sound to her ears. “Since this is a problem you started, you’re going to accompany me.”

Out of all the things he could have come in to say...she wasn’t expecting that. Last time they talked, it seemed...fine? Maybe even more than fine, at least by the standard the prickly scorpion has set in their months together. Both him and the burden in question begin to stew in the awkward quiet, and it becomes a question of who can withstand it longer— who will break first.

...But, as already known, the woman is far too weary from these long talks with Kisame, and then the day prior in the village with the leader duo. She starts with a stammer, hoping to stall until he metaphorically reaches in, sees she needs help here to have an actual productive conversation. “I-I…”

But those soft brown eyes somehow harshly demand she explain why on earth she has the gall to disagree.

“I...I guess I figured Leader would want me to stay here for that.”

A swift answer: “You guessed wrong.”

She blinks with a frown, but does not verbally disagree. She can’t; when you’re muddled in your feelings, the reasonable thing to do is stop and think, versus going in headfirst and self-righteous on a position you must apologize for later.

And so, nearly satisfied, he slips away.

“Meet me on the front porch,” the venom drips from pretty lips. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Did you feel the weight of other's views?

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Her behavior is something that Kisame would enjoy. It might even be novel enough to humor Deidara, easily amused fool that he is. The way she sticks her arms out for balance, stretches her legs to emphasize each step crunching in the snow… Sasori notices, but does not appreciate. Sasori is not Kisame, especially not Deidara, and Sasori does not readily see the value in whimsy— at least not when he’s pissed. A deeper voice than his own exhales through wooden teeth and a black mask. The paper panels attached to Hiruko’s hat shift ever so slightly as he trudges forward, one drag at a time, like a massive black and red slug. Staring at him begins to tickle part of her brain— the exact part that she usually begs to shut up.

“Sasori?”

He does not answer. She looks down at him as she tip-toes across a log like a tightrope walker, embedding her marks across frozen, chipped bark.

“Why do you travel in that?”

…

Maybe he just can’t talk in that thing; she hardly saw him in it, after all, and never spoke as long as it sat on her front porch first day they met. But just as she’s about to dismiss it all for good, a voice speaks; it isn’t Sasori’s usual dulcet tone, rather something more like gravel in a rock tumbler.

“...I don’t believe that’s any of your business.”

The surprise makes her slip on a hidden layer of ice across her makeshift banister. A puffy “shoof!” sounds as snow breaks her fall, compressing until there is a performer-shaped hole a foot deep towards the ground. A small, unblinking eye lined with thick wrinkles pierces in her direction, the puppet staring in leau of Sasori as she lifts herself up by the palms and shakes snowflakes off her hair like a dog.

“Well—” she continues; she’s so single-minded in this that it comes off as resilience. “It isn’t. Not really, I know. But still…I’m kinda curious—”

“And curiosity killed the cat.”

And it’s like an icicle fell and splintered to pieces, the way he breaks her humor in a snap. So grim, so serious, such a tone finally makes a silly girl begin to feel her place as she stares at him from her burrow in the snow.

“I—...okay...”

And they continue in silence, at least of a kind. Crunch, crunch goes the snow, the woman leaving pairs of shoe prints and the man a thick trail like you’re pushing a boulder.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Or was their ignorance a source of fun?

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small relief it is, to go from the cold air to the inside of a familiar place. Er...almost familiar. The dim lights feel less warm, and though all the furniture is the same, it’s all shoved towards the corners. The bar itself— where patrons sat and drank on high seats— is the only thing unmoved and that’s just because you can’t physically haul it away. As the woman takes it all in, the large puppet carries itself forward, uncaring if she gets in the way. A jump back and a gasp, and he doesn’t apologize as she backs up.

How does he control a doll like that anyways…?

“Ah. You must be one of those Akatsuki.”

A judging silence. He’s wearing the cloak, idiot. Takuya abruptly stammers to save face.

“Well— ‘preciate you comin’! I got word of a couple of those star folk poking around the old farm up north. Ain’t none of us shinobi anyways, but it’s an old lady holin’ up there by herself this winter so she of all people deserve the help first. I’ll give ya directions if you got what ya need.”

Further silence.

“...Okay then,” he drawls awkwardly, providing a few blinks under furry eyebrows and opting not to argue. Maybe the big brute is mute, after all. He’s heard stories of ninja having their tongues ripped off and such. It’s enough to make a grown man shiver. Ugh…!

On the other side of the room, the performer is in the middle of observing dusty, abandoned cobwebs when she with no warning hears a bell ring and a door close shut. She whips around in a flash. Shit!! “Sasori—!!! wait for—”

“Noooo you don’t lass.”

A grip on her shoulder keeps her in place, the woman spinning around in a panic. “I have to go, I need to—!”

“This is dangerous work,” is the stern answer she gets; even though it’s just one hand on her, it’s a strong hold that won’t leave— not until he’s sure she’s not going to run head first into death or injury. “I reckon he left you behind for a reason.” But inexplicably, she argues:

“But...he told me that I was here to help.”

“...Eh?” The old man blinks. “That doesn’t make sense… Must be some kind of miscommunication. Calm down and tell me why the hell that’d be.”

The woman has her doubts— has had them, honestly. “Leader—” she stammers at first, but begins to work back from the start of her reasoning. “I figured, too. That it was a mistake. I thought Leader wouldn’t have wanted me here around stuff like that…but...Sasori told me I was asked to go.”

It’s only now, that he can feel the tension in her muscles relax, that Takuya lets the confused lady go. A darkness washes over her expression, a lip pursing a pout towards the floor.

“Come on, lass...head over this way.”

A cup clacks against the bar tabletop as weathered as he is after all this, opting to give her a pour of sake from his dwindling supply. (Not much to do with the booze besides drink it if you’ve been stuck in renovation hell the past few months.) He nearly feels guilty, her moping over the slab of wood like a kid would left behind by her friends.

...Eh, if she’s not old enough, she’s earned it, he decides.

After pouring himself a glass and taking a shot in one go, the old man exhales, long and heavy, holding his cheeks by the palms as he leans onto his inherited bar table as well. The woman, in turn, looks down at the liquid; it’s clear, doesn’t have much smell. She knows it’s alcohol, but...if he can take it in one gulp, it’s probably pretty light enough for her to do the same—

What remains in her throat after choking on it burns. Holy SHIT—!

“Not much of a drinker, huh?” His words are softer in her ears than the sound of him reaching over to slap her back. She sputters a few coughs, and she can’t tell if her face is hot from the booze or embarrassment.

“N-No. Well— Drinks I’m used to are— sweeter?” Half true! She’s only had a piña colada at her cousin’s graduation party, and she’s finding that’s not much of a base to measure against other drinks.

The guilt returns on the twin’s heart, and with another grumble he takes the glass—

“Wait.”

Her eyes pin it down, fingers twitching as if they can’t decide. But Takuya abides. He waits, and waits...until she decides to take the shot glass and down it after all. There’s a horrible frown on her face, a bit of a squeak in her throat, but she manages the feat.

…

There’s nothing more effective to one’s own self-reflection than to let them stew in it, no distractions. He never owned a bar before— not until it unceremoniously got dropped on him— but he’s been to plenty. So...as little as he knows the side of the bar he’s on right now, he certainly knows hers. At least, if nothing else, she’s not about to run off the stool and chase down someone who couldn’t care less.

It’s a bit longer than he had guessed— around five minutes of her looking sorry for herself, face getting rosier and rosier— but she eventually sighs and starts to open up the shell.

“...I think Sasori isn’t happy with me,” the performer eventually mumbles, staring at scratches on the wood, how the condensation from his glass seeps into them.

“Now why’d that be?” the old man prods, attempting to be gentle about it.

“He thinks him having to do this...is my fault.”

Takuya raises an eyebrow. “Lass, you’re raising more questions than answers here.”

“It gets worse— It kind of...is my fault. I got him in trouble. I ran away. And then the hoshi people—”

…

It’s despicable how the tears come to her eyes so quick. Absolutely heartbreaking. But despite himself— the desire to end the conversation there— curiosity gets the best of him.

“Lass. That still doesn’t make sense.” A sip of his own sake and he continues. “The hoshi-nin stuck around with or without ya. Them coming here in the first place is your doin’, sure—” He carries on quickly, lest she frown at nothing even more. “—But it sounds like to me that this big guy of yers dragged ya along today ‘cause he's mad at ye pointing out he did a bad thing.”

“But— but— I wasn’t supposed to run away. If I didn’t, then…”

…

“Then what?”

…

“It doesn’t make sense, does it, lass?”

…

“Explain to me why he’d think it’s your fault. In honesty.”

…

“He...didn’t like what I said to him,” she whispers, gripping with anxious, fidgeting fingers the hem of the dress Sasori made her wear. “And he told me I should leave.”

“It’s awfully cut and dry hearing it like that. Isn’t it?”

“But what I said was mean—!” She’s so quick to justify what has happened to her. "I...—”

He’s waiting. The silence hurts more than any words could.

“I said...he was like me.”

Takuya doesn’t have to say anything for her to know how ridiculous that sounds. She swears under her breath and doubles over, at least as much as one can while seated. After hearing he "tonk!" of her forehead falling onto the table, he exhales. This is probably where he should stop and move on, he decides.

“Listen...it’s still good yer here. You were told you could help, right? You wanna help?”

…

Her head raises, but only just enough so it is still dipped and hiding her face. Meekly, she nods.

“Then help me figure out what to do with the damn place.”

“...What do you mean?”

“Well—” he grumbles— nearly growls in frustration; she has her form of embarrassment, and he has his. “Just take a look!”

And she does yet again. The disarray...it’s so distant from the nights she used to perform here, Kakuzu in the corner and Hidan at her heel. It’s a far trip from a place that gave her routine, comfort. So it makes sense she asks first...:

“Why’d you start to change things?”

He hums as if he’d never imagine such a question. Despite the tone of it, how defensive he is, a heart beginning to embolden with spirits and emotional labor is capable of stepping up to task.

“It seemed...pretty good as before. Why change it?”

“Lass, Taiga is gone. Everything as it is will just make people miss ‘em. No business can run on sympathy alone.”

And finally...finally...those big, sad eyes turn to look at him. “...I don’t think that’s true. Not like how you think it is.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I hated the whispers in the street

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“What do you think you’re gonna do, slime on me, you huge ugly snail?!”

He has them in a corner, old hay and straw their metaphorical rock and hard place. They’re cowering, and he knows it. They do, too, even if they won't admit. The puppet has no emotions, at least not with his face. Voice, however...it’s seeping with the finest, most potent of his poisons.

“I’m going to gut each and every one of you until you’ve atoned for what you’ve done to me.”

“What? What did we ever do to you?” This first shinobi is a bit more cagey than the other. There’s a twitch in his face, a fear that can’t hide no matter how well he tries; that’s why he’s so subtly begging for mercy with his choice of words.

“Oh?” the monster’s voice groans. “You don’t know?”

The second ninja grins wider in the face of certain doom; it’s the only choice when you’ve spent weeks bullying your way into the stores of a helpless grandmother, living the high life at the cost of nearly nothing. The bravado...that’s the most heinous of sins, in Sasori’s eyes. “You’re just the next plaything for that little whore, always bringing different men around! You think you’re special?” The hoshi-nin nudges his comrade with an elbow, displaying confidence that is not shared. “Betcha someone as hideous as him was just happy to be next to a girl.”

Whip, pierce.

A scorpion tail of steel stabs the first shinobi straight through the heart. Closer and closer, unblinking beady eyes gleam in the shadow cast over Hiruko's face. The untouched loudmouth still can’t shut up even as he watches his comrade being carried like a fork picking up a slice of meat, quivering as he utters small exclamations of fear that mean absolutely nothing. The snow falls, as soft and as delicate as the woman they shattered. Holding the twitching, screaming ninja above his masked head as he dangles from jointed metal and bleeds onto ice, the puppet as low to the ground as its owner’s namesake stares at him. There’s either no emotion or every last one hiding in those eyes at once— whichever is worse is what lies behind rounded, foggy glass. Sasori allows the living whelp the honor of get a nice, long stare at a fate better than what he’s going to have for having a big, careless mouth. His death is going to be much, much slower. After all, having to wait is the worst thing of all.

“I suppose you need a reminder, then...”

But just because he’s quick to start the punishment doesn’t mean that they’ll get their end so mercifully soon. Think of it as retribution for that day. If it wasn’t for them, she could have run off and be recovered, safe and sound— no big deal and nothing more to it. But whatever they did...it changed her, and it is resistant to his mending. It should have been him. It should have been him on the front lines, not shacked up with her and Deidara and the idiot in the mask. Maybe then, it wouldn’t have happened like this. She wouldn’t have been rash. He wouldn’t have been there to make her upset.

And he would have ended this so much more quickly.

With his last coherent breath, the pig squeals— a curse, a condemnation. It makes the man beneath the shell smile.

Why, yes, he isn’t human. Not at all.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Till you repose a greeting

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The woman does what she does best: use a song to communicate. The sake makes her head a little dizzy, and she can’t really keep her shoulders in one place as the etiquette typically requires...but she does it anyways. It's the only real choice.

It’s gorgeous, the way it drifts to the outside, compliments the mood of warm candlelight drifting from under the crack of the door as Sasori sits on snow-speckled stone. Slow, mournful, thoughtful. The piano is playing, Sasori can hear, as he approaches the bar entry. Yes, he is assured, the time spent swatting at flies is worth it, so long as the musician regains her strength and grace. It was a good choice to bring her, even if she complains. Perhaps knowing what he does to exact revenge on her attackers is what makes the song come back, bright again with no more moping as she did this morning.

But as soon as it begins to push open, the song changes. A woman is ready, and now the song is the audio equivalent of the loop-da-loops tiny insects make as they fly in the sky.

And then...all of a sudden, it feels heavier. Grand, staged, and confident. She begins to sing, seated all away across the hall from where Hiruko stands.

Victoria approached me with a fire in her eyes

And I swear and I swear, I was burning alive

And now you're crying wolf out to the moon

Yeah, is anybody there or am I just as scared as you?

And now you've given me a mission to do

I've got to rearrange the stars so that they're not as far from you

The man in the doll ever so slightly purses his lip beneath his guard. Not even so much as a glance, even after the bell rang to alert his arrival. She's never ignored him before. Surely she knows he’s there.

Right?

And you are causing me physical pain

It's like you're handing me a knife and from my insides

And without any shame

...Wait.

Victoria's been crying, I can see it in her eyes

And yeah, a part of me is sad, but a part of me is having such a good time!

Wait a damn minute—!

"GIRL!"

But she hardly flinches. She grimaces with wide, shaking eyes so, so angrily at that piano, and it sounds like the keys are in agony from how hard she’s pressing. It’s how she feels.

And I know that likely I am at fault

Oh, but what the hell, I can't even tell if she's putting me on

This...this is the thanks he gets? After all she’s done? After all HE has done?! He growls her designation of "girl" with all the intimidation he can muster, but words have already gone as far as they can take him. Nothing he can say will back her down. She mocks him, a hand to her heart and face towards the ceiling like a Shakespearean actor; her eyes still refuse to look at him.

But you are certainly my poison of choice

And when I drink you down

My heart makes a sound

Her head lowers; she abruptly seems so serious.

Yeah, when I drink you down

My heart makes a sound

Finally, finally. She looks at him. Her expression does not change.

This

A horrible, discordant sound, one that isn’t with feeble, scared hands but entirely wretched on purpose. It isn’t a mere mashing of keys; it is a calculated choice, a selection based on how poor the black and white sound next to each other. Somehow, some way, a wooden doll can glare.

“What?!”

“WHAT?!” she spits back to him, spinning around on the bench. Sasori can tell immediately something is in her system; she never has such poor balance, bob her head side to side this much. The girl’s never pointed at him before, but he can still reason that this, too, is altered under the effect of a substance. “Yeah, that’s right, I got wise to you! You brought me here because of some petty fucking GRUDGE you got! You could have just asked! Not make it sound like it’s MY fault!”

“Watch your words, girl.”

“Or what? You asshole!” She’s so loud. She’s so crass. Where did she go? The delicate little thing that hardly knew how to recognize an insult let alone give it? “You’re gonna LEAVE me here?!” the performer shouts, making her already burning throat hoarse. “Alone? To die?! Sure! I’m fine with that! Sasori, I thought you could actually CARE about me!”

…It’s a spectacle, the way she’s disgracing herself. For once, a talking doll is at a loss for words; he should be grateful his face is hidden, lest his visage of disregard slip.

As before with the barkeep...it’s the silence that does it. Her heart makes a sound; it starts to break.

“Sasori…!”

A slam of her fist on the keys. She’s clenching so hard that her muscles are twitching under her skin; he can see it. It must hurt. The notes echo until they fade, mingle into the sound of her breath as she attempts not to outright sob. Once again, the tears gush and stain her trembling face.

“I owe...the Akatsuki,” she admits. How can such a promising start— in Sasori’s eyes— turn so sour? “I owe...you. Yes! I know I do! I fucking KNOW, okay?! You gave me the dress, and the cape, and— and—”

…The puppet does not speak. She begins to quiet down, but it doesn’t make it much easier to listen to. Discordant notes are still discordant notes, regardless of the volume you play them at.

“Sasori...if I’m a burden, this is the wrong way to go about it. I’m an adult, you know. I’m stupid, I’m silly, but I’m a grown woman and you can treat me like one. You should...treat me like one. If you’re mad at me...can’t you just fucking say it?”

…

“Yeah. I owe you. But you owe me. The bare minimum. The bare minimum of respect from one human being to another. Kill me, maim me, do whatever you want. I just…!”

Smack, smack. Her tears are so heavy it’s nearly a shock they don’t sound the piano as they fall, too. That’s what it takes for Sasori to want this to end.

“...Grave mistake.”

“What?”

“Grave mistake to think I’d ever care about someone like you.”

She looks at him again, a horrid sort of bravery on her face, and the woman is grave herself.

“If I’m not worth the trouble...just say so.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pulling the rug beneath their feet

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

...But she is.

Work done for the day, the killer and his girl take the moonlit trail back home, guilt on her heart silencing her tongue. The wind picks up and she wraps her midnight-black cape around her, biting her lower lip. Dizzy...dizzy...dizzy. Each step is capable of taking her off her balance. What an asshole...getting drunk for the first time and saying things she’d never say otherwise. It was necessary, but…

...

...Oh god. She really said all that, and he still took her home, she realizes like a train running her over. Maybe it wasn’t necessary.

Holy shit and Jashin and Jesus. She really said all that, for real, out loud.

The sickness that twists her body is eventually so bad she witlessly stops in place.

The creature that houses Sasori’s real body trudges...trudges...and she wonders if he’ll leave her behind. The winter scares her, after all. It’s what she’d deserve after talking to him so harshly. Even if she apologized...maybe...maybe he didn’t accept it after all. Maybe this was all a ruse, to leave her in the forest so even the village won’t be there to help her out of pity.

…

Just on the cusp of the next hill, the beast ceases his march. Sounds that have haunted her dreams carry despite the whistling wind. The stars are bright on the indigo sky, no leaves to hide a lick of their glitter, and the snow glows a shade of white so pure it verges on blue.

Click. Clack. Slip.

The mask props open with a creak, the scared child in her remembering splintering trees that fall down. As such, she instinctively braces herself for what’s to come. The massive cloak custom woven for such a strange shape wraps around the limbs of the puppet. A man with red hair stands up, back to her...and slowly...turns around. From this far away, he’s so flawless that he resembles a doll himself. The kind with porcelain skin airbrushed to look soft, just the tiniest bit of pink on the nose and cheeks.

“Come here.”

She stares at him a long moment, observing the way the wind plays with his perfect locks of hair...before choosing to obey. Step, step, step. Each lift up and drop down of her boots crunches into the snow, making it just difficult enough to move that it causes the performer to be oh so aware of the choice she is making— the choice to abide. As she does, the bizarre man exits the belly of a walking corpse. A hand reaches out; unsure what to say, she takes it.

It may just be the cold, but his palm is somehow so strange to the touch. Something about it...just so unexpected.

“I won’t let you be harmed by your own incompetence,” he tells her, and despite herself, she feels relief hearing his real voice again. Before she can ask how, pray tell, that is, he begins to guide her movements. Almost like a dream, she watches herself step into the hollow of the empty puppet more than she chooses it; it reminds the woman of how she’d imagine it would feel to fly with Peter Pan, weightless on starlight. How does he do that…?

A shimmer of blue is barely seen stringing at the edges of her skirt.

Finally, finally, her countenance of stubborn anger fades before him, though she could say the same about Sasori.

As she kneels down, understanding what is about to happen, she asks him, “What about you?”

A sliver of his face is all she sees by the time he answers, voice echoing in the dark chamber as the mask hinge shuts.

“I don’t need pity.”

And after a second, the journey begins again. The smell of something almost like mahogany seeps the air around her, the warmth of her own breath and body cycling inside the barriers of this...thing. It must be terrible in the heat, she figures, but tonight it is just fine. Wrapped up in the cape Sasori made her, skirt he wove bundling around her legs like a blanket...this is nice. Curled up, entirely in the dark with nothing to see, all she can do is listen to the sounds that carry through the structure that keeps her safe.

Thump...slide. Thump...slide.

The puppet drags itself across the fields of snow. She can’t even feel any control mechanisms in here, nothing ready to be pulled or gripped. It’s just a smooth cave, like a burrow for hibernation— just made out of wood. How does he use it…?

Jutsu and magic aren’t far apart at all, she is affirmed yet again.

Click...clack. Click...clack.

This is her world now, the soft darkness and the melody of a machine, the ever so slight rocking like a cradle. At some point along the journey, the sensations and sounds of the skeleton lull...her...to sleep...

…

And eventually, the shell opens up, almost like a locket. The careful touch of a bitter man lifts her up without so much as a stir of her body, a whine from her lips. His knuckles brush the hair off her face once its propped onto the pillow, and he stares until something in him is satisfied.

"How'd the day go, un?"

One artist looks over his shoulder to another, the blonde ready as usual for bed in his green pajamas, about to sleep in the opposing chair. For the first time, Sasori has a guess why he does that, night after night. Deidara's chin tilts up as the redhead walks away, and he sighs.

"Danna..." he mutters, though out of earshot of his partner. "Things would just be easier if you actually talked when you wanted to..."

But instead, Sasori goes back up the attic, to continue his studies of how to find the diamond in the rough. "Takara..." It's the only time he says her name today, and she isn't even around to hear it. His hands attempt to draw while his mind remembers through the haze of fury the song on the piano before she went off the rails. Something soft...something sweet. Maybe it means there's something beautiful in her after all.

"I don’t need anything,” he lies to himself so, very, easily.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I'm tied to so many things I don't need to do

I'll loosen my strings to feel more like you

I'm tied to so many things I don't need to do

I'll loosen my strings to feel more like you

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#sasori #sasori x oc #sasori x reader #akatsuki x reader #akatsuki x oc #aswtn fic #there's a teeny bit of deidara but not enough to justify a tag

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sleepy-vix · 7 months ago

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hello hello hello!! i hope this day is treating you well <3

so. erm. i finished if we were villains one second ago. there are tear tracks still glistening on my face. and i have Thoughts TM

to be frank i wasn't a fan of most of the book (i found the very excessive shakespeare-quoting stilted, pretentious and cringey — and i'm saying this as a person who quotes shakespeare too much for the average sane person and is very annoying about it) but something changed when i was reading act five. i then proceeded to cry through the end bit of act five and the whole epilogue.

i have no idea what i feel about it skjfksdfj i have no idea when i started caring about these pretentious ass bitches enough to cry over them, seeing that for most of the book i was just incredibly annoyed by all of them. although i am proud to say i clocked james and oliver for what they were in their first few interactions. the power of the gaydar ladies and gents

i think part of the problem was that i was comparing it to the secret history so much in my mind (which is practically literary perfection in my mind. i personally believe that donna tartt is a greek muse in disguise and should be treated as such/j) it just paled in comparison — honestly, people need to stop comparing the two or just lumping them into "dark academia" (i'm personally not the hugest fan of aesthetic-based grouping for book recs, but that's a rant for another day)

i think it's a one-time read for me. like yes it was definitely an... interesting experience but probably not good enough to reread? i don't know?? i have zero idea if you like this book or not i just know that you've read it — so apologies if i accidentally offended you or something 😭😭 i would love to hear your thoughts on it though (especially the ending)!

I READ IT BACK IN GRADE 8 DURING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND I WAS JUST DEPRESSED FOR THE WHOLE 8 WEEKS LMAO

im like ehhh about it now 😭 which is sad because i was so obsessed with it i made a playlist for james and oliver (im such a geek it's actually so embarrassing 💀)

also i completely agree with you about the shakespeare quotes. it got to a point where i would just skip the quotes and only read the actual writing because is it ever THAT serious?

also i have a few other icks about the book:

- oliver and meredith getting together (that was so ???? like i lowkey hated oliver for that)

- filippa's character. it was so ?? like m.l. rio did such a bad job writing her... the idea of her character is awesome but the execution was really not, which was disappointing.

but in general i really liked it :) i read it before the secret history, so thankfully i never unconsciously compared them with eachother (which i've heard is actually really common between people who read tsh first).

i agree with you in the dark academia lumping thing sooo much. like, you often see them side by side, but the only thing they have in common is a friend group + one person dies + school setting. which really doesn't mean much considering that alot of stories are set in schools and include friend groups.

also not to mention that tsh is twice the size of iwwv 😭 idk i get so defensive when ppl bash iwwv for being worse than tsh (even tho i agree)

tbh i loved it alot but i wouldn't reread it either because the oliver and meredith parts where so 💀

m.l. rio is writing another book btw! its called grave digger. im looking forward to it because i'd like to know if she's actually a good writer or if she was only good in my 13 year old mind.

im so happy that u sent me this ask :)) its not very often that i get to talk abt iwwv with a person who agrees with me that the book is sad but not that good

#moots ✮

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remedyturtles · 1 year ago

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death wish facts/stats

entirely complied for my own amusement lol

first of all, this is how long i was actually working on death wish, saved in 5k increments:

now i didn't track my stats for the whole time but here's an example of how much that translates to daily writing. this is some of july:

here's the final count from my word doc. i do my final edit in the ao3 browser so i guess some got cut:

here's the stats of my planning doc:

whatever you're imagining my planning doc to look like, it's probably not that. it's kinda a huge mess, actually. i've shuffled things around constantly bc i boot the 'used' plot points into a giant pile and they get all messed up. it's a shame i didn't save more versions of this honestly bc it probably would've been fascinating. behold the inside of my brain:

to go even further back, mid-may i was left alone at work for like two hours to do a course and ended up scribbling the FIRST ideas i had for death wish on a piece of paper. whited out are unused/irrelevant things:

wild to me to realize which of those lines were literally from my absolute first thoughts of this fic LMAO

at one point i had to track how many days it had been in-story since the invasion bc i lost count. by the end of the fic i believe it had been 25 days, with 10 days at the beginning of leo being not-present. so 155k for 15 days hahahahahaha

i made a death wish playlist at one point and listened to it non-stop while writing. here it is:

it's all so incredibly loud and rosyln were on repeat for the iconic chapter 29 and it makes me so emotional

however then for chapter 30 for some reason my brain only wanted the kim possible theme song on repeat. you know how it is.

when i first decided on most plot points and began writing i said to someone it would probably be like 100-150k. i was right, though i'm surprised to be on the top end for sure. i would not expect this again, it was definitely a perfect storm. i normally do like ~40-80k.

i knew exactly how the fic would end before i wrote a single word. as much as i love and there is a place for wish fulfillment (eg future!donnie gets to come back, sensei gets his own body) my thing was that i knew people reading it would relate to the story. and i want to have... hopeful realism? like, if you have experienced grief and you related to sensei, i don't want to say 'haha your loved ones are actually alive!!!' ... i want to say, bad things happen, you will find other reasons to live. and for anyone who related to sensei and leo's situation (eg DID) i felt like magically giving sensei a body wouldn't be fair, bc that won't happen. instead they can work together and get through. if that makes sense LMAO

i have three side fics planned atm. two of them will be probably 2-5k each, the third will be like... idk. 15k? i haven't started yet i promise i'm still taking a rest hahahaha

thanks for reading hah

#fic stuff #death wish

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likeadevils · 9 months ago

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In preparation for ttpd release, I started to listen to your playlist of Taylor's songs in writing order and I love it so far! It really gives me an entirely new way of looking at the songs and the connections between them, so big thank you for your work on it!

I just have a few questions that I'd like to know as I'm listening (I'm on early fearless rn):

how did you order tracks that don't have a clear order? (iirc, a lot of the late albums we don't really know besides some earlier/later tracks). Is it based on vibes, or just completely arbitrary?

Also, how did you deal with songs that some time to write (like Innocent taking a few months, or her coming back to finish change after winning her first big award)? Is it the beginning date, or finishing it, or maybe somewhere in the middle?

Thanks a lot in advance <3

songs that took a while to write: i’ll put the all dates i know she worked on it— like, begin again is in there twice, because i’m fairly confident in both dates, but change is only when she finished it, because i have no idea when she started it. i also don’t put the same song over and over in a row (like all too well is only in there once even though we know of at least three drafts, because it would just be listening to the same song over and over). with innocent specifically, i took the six months quote as it taking her six months to get in the headspace to write it, not like she was picking it up and putting it down, so i only put it in once.

songs that i don’t know the order of: short answer, i put my best guess. it’s normally easier to figure out when she recorded a song, or at least what songs she recorded around the same time, so like, a lot of lover is just broken up by producer/studio credits (though i am fairly confident about the back half).

and then with folklore and evermore, it’s much easier to figure out the order than the dates— every artist has a different way they answer “tell me what it was like making this song” and aaron’s go to is “it was right before this song and right after this other song” which is so helpful— so like, folklore especially, i’m pretty confident that that’s the general order of stuff, even though i only really know cardigans date.

but, here are the stretches i’m not super confident about

* a lot of the first half of speak now is speculative, but not really in long stretches? but haunted, foolish one, superman, last kiss, timeless, and never grow up can all easily jump around the year (though, i’d put money on never grow up being written in early september 2009. not a lot of money, but like, still money. like $5). and then like, the speak now vault tracks in general are speculative, she did like no promo for it so who knows)

* wildest dreams-wonderland: all of these songs were recorded in october/november 2013, but we don’t know the exact order (wildest dreams is first because selena gomez said she was there when it was written and her schedule just doesn’t align with taylor’s that fall meaning it was almost definitely written before going into the studio, blank space was likely written in late october based on candids matching behind the scenes studio stuff, the last three are just alphabetical order)

* look what you made me do-this is why we can’t have nice things: this is mostly just based on how long her hair was in the making of a songs

* cruel summer-soon you’ll get better: cruel summer is early cause she said she was just jamming with jack and annie and the song kinda fell into their laps, and that sounds like she wasn’t intensely writing so i put it early. she teased daylight lyrics somewhere in the summer i believe so i put that pretty early, but aside from that like. these probably weren’t even recorded in a block they could literally be wherever

* i forgot that you existed-all of the girls: same proudcers, she said she started working intensely on the album right after tour ended and idk what else she was recording in november, so like. all recorded at the same time, guessing that it’s pretty early in the recording process, but that exact order of the tracks can change, as well as where they fall in the album development too. but i’m like 85% sure they were all recorded in the same week or so

* august-mirrorball: most of the jack stuff was done before aaron came in, but idk the exact order of these specific ones

* invisible string-betty: mostly circumstancial— like, epiphany is the first track taylor brought to aaron instead of the other way around, so i put it towards the end, stuff like that

* gold rush-no body no crime: all recorded in late september, but written beforehand, no idea in what order

* maroon-dear reader(/question-you’re losing me): again, all recorded within like a month of each other, no idea in what order besides question probably being in late november and youre losing me on december 5

* lavander haze-karma: pretty sure they were all written in early 2022, not totally sure in what order, beyond bigger than the whole sky being in march, snow on the beach probably being in april, and karma probably being last

#asks*#timeline*#thank you for your parience it took me like an hour to write all this out #hopefully lover will be easier once i go into like. Serious Serious research mode for it #but as for now that first half is like ???

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writingmochi · 1 year ago

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an honest review of the name chapter: freefall purely from musical observation (not proofread)

opening remarks: okay, so, i decided to make this into a series for all ateez, txt, and enhypen albums cause (1) they're the only groups i really follow and (2) this is a multifan-account for all three groups so why not *eyes* *thumbs up* sorry for the delay (but not though cause i got time to absorb the album.) i did write updates on 4 of the songs and it's decent all that time and now... well i don't wanna spoiler it...

BUT i did write about track sequencing in kpop in relation to this album so i'll actually be doing ALTERNATE TRACKLIST SEQUENCE OF THE ALBUM AT THE END. so stay tuned for that!

concept-wise, i've been hearing chasing that feeling and reading the lyrics to see it be the exact aftermath after they left neverland, of course with the album name freefall being in reference to the song farewell, neverland, so it definitely shown in the concept. i mentioned how grungy it is even referencing the soobin fic as soobin's an alt kid and it definitely makes sense with the whole "fallen from heaven and trying to survive"

let's start!

1.growing pain: growing pains and angsty sound, growing pain is the quintessential rebel angst song. as i mentioned before in my timeline, this is the angrier version of the sound that the chaos chapter cultivates. it's more grungy than pop-punk, even punkier than pop-punk, and might even go into the heavy metal range. and tbh, this IS txt song. no other kpop group can make pop punk/rock THEIR genre (which is followed by woodz's pop-punk album). i can definitely see this being performed in a festival circuit, like lollapalooza (its origin is a rock festival tho). N WHO IS DOING VOCAL FRY? VOCAL FRY PEOPLE REPRESENT. this is kai's song for real. i love a more interpretation of the harder, grittier side of pop-punk than what is usually depicted here in kpop. the guitar power chords make it very tense and the interlude part in the middle is good with a more guitar solo part.

but, in my opinion, the mixing layering sounds so stacked that you can definitely hear which one is midi. not saying that midi doesn't produce a good song, but it definitely will sound grittier if it's played live with live instruments. they play around with some voice inflexions, trying to make it sound "imperfect" but then it doesn't make those inflexions authentic in the long haul. yet, this song definitely makes the mold and *might* be added to my driving playlist (idk which one cause i have to assess it more)

2.chasing the feeling: okay! is this the first time a kpop song doesn't have a pre-chorus? i opened genius to see it being depicted that way. i actually theorize that the start of the "chorus" is the pre-chorus part and when it comes to the chasing the feeling part where the chord change happened, that's the chorus for me. you can definitely interpret it with whatever you like. also, WE GOT A BRIDGE! but at what cost when it's the same as the other verses...

txt, once again, returns to the retro sound. but when blue hour has more influence from funk, chasing the feeling is definitely more early 80s new wave (definitely different than thursday's child when it exudes more mid to late 80s synthpop, which is the pop version of new wave, and a hint of early 90s acoustic there with the guitar strums). i appreciate that they're trying to explore genres in the retro spectrum cause it doesn't always have to be disco or funk, you can get new jack swing like what exid did or big band like what seventeen did.

i like how push and pull this song is. just like what the concept is with them having to chase the feeling to get the satisfaction after turning back from heaven or neverland. but, the push and pull definitely creates a stagnant rhythm and melody that, in bad way can make it boring, but in good way can make you be in a trance. i definitely think that they're playing safe with this track as when the word "chasing the feeling" is utter, that feeling can be viewed in different ways that the music can sonically create. as you know from my affinity to farewell, neverland, i love a hero's journey type of song. this one, for me, definitely is the inciting incident of our heroes as they venture into this new world. that's why, i agree with yerin @/itz-yerin, that this song is a great track to be put on after growing pain. also, i know that they're trying to push this song to be marketed in tiktok as a dance challenge but i think this will succeed more as an edit type of song (like get up by newjeans) cause even i can't imagine how they're doing the choreo to this as i haven't watch the stage (i watched the dance practice vid n the choreo has a bit vogue-ish character to it... interesting...)

also, yall definitely have to watch this song's version with soob, gyu, and hyuka only. like both gyu and soob can definitely get the parts they're singing cause they sound so good + a 3 minute song but at what cost :"")

3.back for more: as i haven't listened to the anitta ver and haven't watched the vma stage before this, this is my introduction to this song. what's with the eq fade-in for the vocal at the intro with soobin ? i think it will be bolder when the voice starts already round rather than a fade-in (like tgif by xg). this is definitely more funk/disco but also has some latin influence (which definitely shows that it is catering towards the usamerican market). lyric-wised, this is not as cringy as other english songs by kpop idols which definitely shows hybe's aspiration to push txt into the western market. i also recognize ryan tedder's voice in there (the composer of the song and vocalist for onerepublic) especially the vocal inflexions at the end of the chorus.

then, i heard the anitta versions of it and i actually liked it better. especially with the performance ver cause it feels more complete like i know it sounds more with the post-choruses and stuff, but it feels like that version was the one intended before it cut a whole 40 seconds of it. wtf why??? idk how it's been going with the general public but i like it

4.dreamer: okay muted guitar and rnb!! that wall of bass that rings in the verse combined with the piano chords gives this song a more intimate feeling. i mentioned in my previous post that this song is kinda like the ballads that bts releases and i will double down on that. i can definitely hear jimin in tyun's voice, taehyung in gyu's voice, and jungkook in yeonjun's voice. idk if this is because of the voice mixing or what but it definitely is more similar to what the mixing in bts' ballad songs is like (it reminds me of rain so much). the singing range here is also crazy from notes in their lower register until it reaches falsetto. tbh, i'm concerned at how high those falsetto are and how much it is used in the song. if they're not in good condition, the falsetto melody can make or break the performance. the studio version helps with the autotune etc but when performing live (unless there are autotune applied to the melody layer along with the vocal), i pray for their throats :")

other than that, it's a slow rnb song that joins txt's rnb roster with 20 cm!

5.deep down: i swear the more i listen to this song, the more neo-like it sound. it definitely sounds atmospherically similar to an nct 127 song, replay (pm 1:27). the sound mixing here is clear enough i can differentiate the voices (i can't find gyu and soob's voices in dreamer). other than it, the ostinato in the chorus in the percussion layers helps drive the song forward. i also hear a lot of beomgyu here which i'm happy with. also, the producer who gives the pre-chorus to soobin, let me hug you cause this song fits his timbre so much. also because this song is under 3 minutes with the 2 verse-chorus format, i think it will sound a bit better with a bridge like i can hear either tyun or kai just lets out a high note in the last chorus.

i just read that the song has some influence from the jersey club genre (known in kpop as the "newjeans" genre especially in their get up ep) and i can definitely hear the influence in the percussion. but idk man, i think kpop is making jersey club too oversaturated for my ear that it's hard for me to enjoy it. but i'm glad that txt is taking their own spin in it!

6.happily ever after: YAY WE GOT HAPPY TXT SONGS!! ever since i see the short with soob with the song, this song definitely caught my attention the most. but even if it is a happy txt song, it's more mellow than what ice cream or roller coaster sounds like. this song is yeonjun's song in the album like, "yes, boy, sing"! gosh i got such a booster with this song (and i swear you're gonna see in my alt tracklist how this song will be). this is also a jersey club song just by hearing the bass drum running in the track so i think that txt is really taking a bite out of newjeans and boynextdoor books in order to adapt their discographies to be more like the current trend. but what i like about this, this song is more of what a jersey club txt song that i was thinking. deep down, for me, is too neo-core for me to consider it a txt song

7.skipping stones: GOD I LOVE THE DISSONANCE!!! i think someone in my timeline mentioned how day6 like this song is and i agree!! i can pinpoint which era of day6 it is lol :D it's the every day6 sound around august-september releases and the dissonance reminds me of you were beautiful in the same series. i can definitely see a video on the it's live channel where they play this song (manifesting cause i wanna hear the authentic dirty guitar filter). also A WHOLE SONG WITH PRE CHORUSES AND BRIDGE AKJFBAKEF I MISS YOU SO MUCH. soobin sounds so nice here and that last chorus transition yes! i will bop my head to this song. also i think all of the txt members are trying emanate lovesong tyun so much (if not everyone, then it's jun) but i can hear how hard yeonjun is trying to hold back and blend in with the song's rock feel.

8.blue spring: oh god kai don't sing like that, you're gonna make me cry! since i've seen this performance live back in august, i could hear the intention of this being played as an encore song. it definitely comes in the same root as our summer with it being nostalgic and melancholic. i wanna say that i'm proud of what beom created cause like, tbh, this song is definitely a beomgyu sound. the mellow band sound.

i also think that because i've seen them perform this live, i like the live version better. the vocal line/layer was too clean for my liking that i can hear which parts were autotuned. i think imperfection was the right factor for me to like it and why the live ver is better than the studio ver.

9.do it like that: i think we know just how catchy this song is. i also seen this live in the concert and it's such a good time. i realized just how clear ryan tedder's voice is here too (but not as clear as back for more). what i wanna complain about is why this can be allowed in the album but not back for more with anitta?? like that is just so consistent unless it's because of business purposes. but back for more was literally one of the singles for this album release so that just rubs me the wrong way. other than that, catchy-ass song and get joe jonas out of my way cause his divorce drama is really tainting him

here it comes!

ALTERNATE TRACKLIST SEQUENCE (based on moods and what makes sense to me)

growing pain

chasing the feeling

skipping stones

dreamer

blue spring

deep down

back for more

do it like that

happily ever after

closing remarks: one word that i'm using to describe this album: safe.

this album feels so safe for me like they are just dipping into new genres but still retracts back in uncertainty with how it will sound. even growing pain, the experimental song of the album with its grittier punk sound of pop-punk, still seems to be safe for my taste. chasing the feeling also feels safe for me like it's like they embrace the retro feel like a pic with filters instead of them wearing a costume (it relates to how alt street fashion relates to new wave song. it's a dissonance for me in that aspect). i think that feeling safe vibe definitely comes because they make a pop song, not a punk song, rnb, new wave, etc. they make pop songs influenced by the other genres and it definitely hinders me from truly being consumed by the album sonically...

i definitely agree with the people that said that this is kai's era, but i wanna argue that this is both kai and beomgyu's era. why? like have you seen the concept photos? that's just beomgyu's style. i know people aren't happy with the amount of distribution for him and soon, but i know that they're still working hard under those circumstances. anf the fact that gyu's song got green-lit to be in an album is definitely a step forward for him. beomgyu also kills it for opening chasing the feeling, like i cannot see any other member that can open the song like him. as i mentioned in with soob, gyu, and kai ver of the title track, they sound good. but, for that, i think it definitely relates more towards the politics in a business and the hierarchy of influence in big hit...

this album is middle in my tierlist cause it just can't break my top 5 man (tdc: eternity, tdc: magic, tcc: fight or escape, tdc: star, and minsode 2) and ALSO, SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO NOT MAKE A TDC: ETERNITY LIKE COMEBACK FOR A FRIDAY THE 13TH... IN OCTOBER

final ranking:

9.deep down

8.dreamer

7.do it like that (it got overplayed so i'm tired listening to it)

6.skipping stones

5.back for more

4.happily ever after

3.chasing that feeling

2.growing pain

1.blue spring

gosh, i'm such a debby-downer let's go to the rankings

small conclusion: a 29-minute album with 10 tracks?? is the industry is healing? because we get 6 songs over 3 minutes (one of them is an eng ver, the longest ones are rock-adjacent). but then i got reminded that in rainbows by radiohead is a 10-track album with a length of over than 45 minutes, but it definitely is better than what hybe gave to the others this year (like newjeans ep under 15 minutes, boynextdoor ep with only 3 new tracks, enhypen again with the song without the bridge, fwak me)

also, i now consider my alternate tracklist the canon one!

#ignore the ramble #seriously ignore it if u can’t take people’s opinion and criticism #< my tag for all the reviews lmao

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starlight-shades · 1 year ago

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tag gamerules: favorite: movie, hobby, animal, character, color, place, season, album, food

movie: I'm one of those people who doesn't have just one favorite anything. But I tend to rewatch Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron every now and then (it was def my fave for a bit when I was a kid). I used to make my dad watch it with me whenever he stayed home to watch me when I was sick.

hobby: Does drawing count when it's what I went to school for? If not, I'll go with reading. Love a good bit of escapism. I love storytelling more generally in all sorts of forms (i.e. movies, TV, games, etc), but reading was definitely what got me started. Recently I've been reading a lot of fanfiction. Last year I kept track of all the books I read and I ended up with the insane number of 534 books read.

animal: I'm a big fan of hyenas. This is another one where I don't have just one favorite, but hyenas are where I'm sitting right now. I think that they're really neat for a variety of reasons. They're matriarchal which is super cool, and they were used in medieval bestiaries as a sort of example of sexual deviance because they were believed to be hermaphroditic (they aren't, the females just have external vaginal canals that look like a penis- it makes giving birth as difficult as you think it does). I think they're a really cool example of how nature doesn't give a fuck about human ideas of how sexual dimorphism (and subsequently gender) should work. I tend to gravitate towards animals that media tends to use as shorthand for evil bc I think it's lazy and irresponsible (I also love sharks).

character: Ghost. I do too much projecting for it not to be him. I'm deep in my COD era (this is a COD blog after all). He's just this big beefy man who is deeply traumatized and has trouble trusting people and developing deep relationships. What's not to love?

color: It's maroon. It is maroon, it has been maroon, it will always be maroon. IDC that I surround myself with pastels. If it has to be one color and not a palette, it's maroon.

place: the aquarium <3. It's just so calming (when the children are not screaming, but we listen to the children scream because they're excited and it's good for them and we're an adult and can wait until they move on so we can watch the fish in the quiet). Every now and then I'll take a day in the middle of the week when school is in session to go to the aquarium or the zoo by myself. I like watching the animals, and I don't feel bad about sitting and drawing them for like 30+ minutes when there aren't any other people who's view I'm blocking.

season: spring. When it's easiest to spend time outside. It's not too hot, and if it's chilly I can throw on a sweater. I like sitting outside in the afternoon sun and reading poetry out loud. Makes me feel like a fairy.

album: star-crossed by Kacey Musgraves. That album came out around the time I had to put down my cat, and I would just listen to it on repeat and cry. It's got a very specific grief+nostalgia combo that really hits me. It's still one of my go-tos when I need a good cry. I have playlists for when I'm happy, but that album has a special place in my heart. 'if this was a movie..' and 'camera roll' are probably my favorite songs off of it.

food: this one is hardest I think. My family is Not Great at expressing feelings, so I ended up with food as a proxy for love and care. And both my parents draw from a pretty diverse set of culinary practices for various reasons, so I've inherited it. When I'm feeling homesick, I'll cook Italian. When I'm sad or missing my brothers, I'll cook Korean. When I miss my mom, I'll make Turkish. As I'm writing this, though, I'm thinking about dumplings.

TY to @soapsdish for the tag. Idk why the formatting did that.

I don't really have any other moots I know well enough to tag, but feel free to do this if you'd like!

#about me

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 1 year ago

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Also, as a second, optional thing for you to answer: Here's a list of six songs; which character do you think that they fit with the most... and why? Blinding Ghosts Light Of Love No Light, No Light Throwing Bricks Various Storms & Saints

OKAY I LOVE THIS QUESTION.

And *technically* I didn’t get any of these songs as requests, so none of them will overlap with any of the drabbles.

Under the cut because this got long.

Blinding: I’d go with Ezra for this one. It’s actually on my playlist for the Oracle series I started and then left sitting to collect dust haven’t worked on in a while. This line, which gets repeated, is what speaks to me most in regards to that AU: No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK TO THAT ONE. THERE'S A HALF-WRITTEN CHAPTER FULL OF FANCY EZRA AND FANCY READER IN A FANCY LOUNGE THAT I NEED TO FINISH.

Ghosts: Okay here’s where the *technically* comes in. Ghosts is the demo version of I’m Not Calling You A Liar, which I did get a request for (for Din) and the lyrics are the same. BUT! The tempo and tone is slightly lighter and more carefree for Ghosts, so I’d set that one in my Long Con AU for Pedro Across the Street. It’s about not being sure that the other person won’t burn you in some way, but that not being enough of a deterrent to stay away. I’m not calling you a thief, just don’t steal from me and When you kiss me I’m happy enough to die. Stick out to me for PaTS. I’m excited to share the one I’m working on for the Din request, though!!

Light of Love: First of all, I love this song a whole lot. Secondly I could go two ways with it. I feel like it works best for Dieter, but I could also make a strong case for Frankie. It touches on drug use/addiction and depression but on coming out of it and realizing that there is light and there are people who care and about fighting even when you want to quit. For Dieter: Flashes appeared in the corners of my eyes, I saw the stars and I didn’t ask why. Heard the voices and caught my breath, so close and yet so far from death - it also came out during the height of pandemic closures and lockdowns, which tracks with the timeline of The Bubble and the theme of isolation. For Frankie: I’ve been up all night, let’s stay awake. Push it further, you know I’ll never break. He says at one point he doesn’t sleep much, and I HC that plays partly into him getting busted for cocaine - he uses it to stay up for work or simply to stay up and not have nightmares. And then the push it further refers to how easily Pope and Tom (and maybe others) talk him into things he probably knows aren’t the best idea but doesn’t trust his own judgement enough to say no.

No Light, No Light: Joel. Joel. Joel. Joel. This one is Joel. Forget the mention of blue eyes (Or think of them as blue in sadness not color) There’s a theme of loss/things fading and of jarring violence. These lines specifically point to Joel for me: I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays and what fades away Along with Would you leave me if I told you what I've done? And would you leave me if I told you what I've become? There's also a line about wanting to make something right but not being ready for that conversation yet, and if that's not Joel & Ellie idk what is.

Throwing Bricks: This is the only one that made me really scratch my head. I like this one a lot, and it always cheers me up when it comes on because it's fun to sing along with. But if I had to match it to a character, I'm not sure who it would be. Maybe Nico? Since it's about building a man and bringing him to life and that man is a whole weird blank slate for writers to play with? (Me writing ACR: I built a man made out of bricks, and lived inside his chest. I beat my head against the wall to make a heart beat in his breast)

Various Storms & Saints: Hi, this one is for Aphelion Oberyn. It's about being caught in something overwhelming and powerful but in an "I chose this on purpose" sort of way, and about trying to keep finding a way forward. Lines that feel the most fitting: And I'm in the throes of it, somewhere in the belly of the beast. But you took your toll on me, so I gave myself over willingly. And also: I know it seems like forever, I know it seems like an age. But one day this will be over, I swear it's not so far away. It's definitely a more melancholy song, so I think it would be relevant to the time in his life between the last person he marked and meeting Reader.

Thank you so much for sending this alternate ask! This was fun to think about, and you chose some really good ones!

#12 a palooza #song asks #florence song + pedro character #thanks rachael!!#thanks for asking #florence + the machine #pedro pascal characters #ezra (prospect)#pedro across the street (calls)#dieter bravo #frankie morales #joel miller #nico (house comes with a bird)#oberyn martell #aphelion oberyn

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thisisadecisionimayregret · 1 year ago

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mid-year book podcast freak out 2023

Got tagged by @allcountersarehipheight, which thank you so much for tagging me, I love to be tagged in things lol, but uh

I kinda realized that I haven't read enough books to actually do this lmfao. I did start reading Ancillary Justice this past week, and I read the book How to Keep House While Drowning (definitely recommend), and I've read a decent amount of fanfic.

But (as you know) I've had some Big Life Changes this year. Who knew, looking for apartments, packing, moving across the country, and starting a new job seriously eats up time and makes reading books difficult lol.

So anyway. The only media I've actually really consumed this year are podcasts, cause the move if anything only increased the time available for listening to podcasts. And this looked fun. So I'm gonna just. freak out about podcasts for a minute

Best book podcast you’ve read heard so far this year

The White Vault. Hooooly shit y'all. This show. I'm feeling so insane about it rn, and I am really looking forward to their next season whenever it releases and listening to their patreon-only miniseries in this world. I am just in awe of their entire production, the writing, the creeping dread and terror (my roommate laughed at me for my reactions), the fucking sound design!!!! lemme say, having Done sound design work myself, shit is hard and they really made this show next level real. And god it is impossible not to fall in love with the characters and sucked into the plot. If you hear it, it hears you too....

Best sequel you’ve read heard so far this year

The PALISADE season of Friends at the Table!! Another installment in their Divine Cycle stories and it continues to be my favorite podcast on the planet. It makes me feel so much I have trouble putting any of it into words. I can only scream incoherently and reblog the gorgeous wonderful fanart for this show. Everyone needs to listen to fatt right now immediately. This is not news to anyone who follows me lmfao

New release you haven’t read heard yet

The new season of Life with LEO(h)! I loved the first season, and I am really excited to listen to the second one that's releasing now. I haven't quite gotten around to it though, it's one of the shows where having both earbuds in helps me keep track of everything, and since I'm usually listening to stuff at work where I can't have both earbuds in, it's just been. Sitting in my playlist, waiting to be played.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

Within the Wires season 8, definitely. I've been listening to the show since the first episode released in 2016 and it has remained one of my all time favorite podcasts for that entire time. I have no idea what the next season's focus will be, it's always something different, and it always always wrecks me, and it is always rearranges my brain. October can't come soon enough.

Biggest disappointment

The Two Princes. I had listened to the first season whenever that came out, but didn't follow it when it went exclusive on spotify, cause fuck spotify, but this year they quietly gave up on making it spotify exclusive. And maybe the fact I had enjoyed but felt pretty meh about season one should've been a hint for my reaction, but hey, they autodownloaded, so I decided to listen to seasons 2 and 3. And y'know. It was fine. It just wasn't particularly good. Idk, maybe I'm not the target audience for that show.

Biggest surprise

Lost Hills: The Dark Prince. It's a surprise cause it's not something I would've sought or picked out to listen to on my own. But you know the thing some shows do, where they go "hey, we're promoting another podcast, so we're dropping their first episode in our feed, enjoy" and you just go along with it instead of skipping, and afterwards you go "hm well I haven't cared about malibu or surfing At All my whole life, but now i just Gotta know the fucked up history of this One Dickhead who had a huge influence on the surfing culture that extends into the present day." Well. Here we are.

Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Fool & Scholar Productions! Not debut, but new to me. They're the team responsible for The White Vault (among other shows I am looking forward to listening to). Seriously, their writing and their audio production are so so so excellent and I really admire their dedication to Getting things Right, particularly in regards to how they write international characters and go to great lengths to cast people from those cultures and who speak those languages to act. And although I haven't had a chance to listen to their TWV patreon-miniseries Imperial, the whole thing about using an endangered language in it and working with speakers and scholars of that language to get things right is just. Wow. It's incredible and I am (again) so excited to listen to it and their other shows, this team really just makes the language nerd and audio nerd in me vibrate

Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

This was so difficult but I gotta say, Vivian Exler from the Upstairs and Downstairs game of fatt Road to Palisade. Gardner/groundskeeper who gets the revolutionary zines and is constantly bickering with the mechanic. I am predictable and quickly become a fan of any Jack de Quidt character and Vivian was no exception.

Book Podcast that made you cry

Yet another win for The White Vault here. It made me cry multiple times, for sad reasons, and I mean this another glowing recommendation for this show. Love to be made to feel emotions

Book Podcast that made you happy

Ologies with Alie Ward!! Literally this podcast is just a constant source of joy and makes me so happy to be on this planet. Every single ologist Alie interviews is so genuinely excited about their subject and it is endlessly fascinating to learn more about the world around us. There's episodes that definitely can be bummers, but even the bummer episodes ultimately instill in me optimism and hope and appreciation. And also I get to leave every episode with a handful of fun facts I can bring out at parties when I'm anxious.

Alright, there we are! I'm gonna tag @housetalis (eternal thanks for introducing me to TWV) and @grand-magnificent. Feel free to do the original book freakout or do a podcast freakout or to not do it at all — no pressure either way!

#samantha talks #podcasts #podcast recommendations #i won't spam any of the tags for the shows by actually tagging them here lmao

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euphor1a · 2 years ago

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Camelia, aloe vera and papyrus for the ask gameee???? I really wanna knowww

Hihi sweets! Thank you for sending in 💗; i appreciate it so much! 🥺

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

whoa this is gonna get heavy, so i’m warning everyone reading this beforehand. things have changed for sure, i’d say... but it’s hard to point it out exactly. my younger self went through a whole different spectrum of human experiences. things were... nice(?) when i was a literal child, but it got gradually worse, worse and worse to the point where i moved out at the age of 17 and started living in a dorm in a different town. younger me was incredibly strong willed, hardworking and hopeful. i still find it super crazy how i got through everything i did and that i’m still here, surviving. younger me had so many big dreams and was motivated to follow through. i was also a bit naive, and i struggled a lot with determining characters, so i ended up getting even more hurt trying to maintain friendships with the wrong people and such. it’s not the same anymore with these things... my mental health has been a constant issue since mid-2019 (although, i must say that i’m doing a LOT better now — people who’ve been here for a while would know), and the world just kinda turned black & white... i think a lot of young adults feel the same though. i’m also super cautious about making connections with people now, which has been... idk, both good and bad? like sure, i’m a pretty lonely being, but at least i’m not hurting for people who don’t deserve me! also, it all just crashed down with the pandemic, y’know? it’s hard to say how much i’ve exactly changed, because i was brought up in a situation where i was forced to mature very early. and to be uncomfortably honest, i might seem a bit childish when i get comfortable around someone. guess i had suppressed my inner child too much with everything going on, and whenever a comforting/reliable presence comes along, it resurfaces 😅. anyway, i’m still very very proud of the younger aleyna. i wish i could hug her and tell her how amazing she is, how thankful i am for everything she did that led to me being here (in a relatively stable position) now, how the lessons she learnt through hardships made it easier for me to navigate through this complicated world... the list is endless. i just hope that a few years from now on, i can look back to this self (my late teenage years and early twenties) and feel just as proud for doing whatever i am doing right now ☺️

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

answered here ♡ !

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

the song which came up this time is “to you” by seventeen. i, genuinely am, in love with this song. have been that way since it was released in 2021. see, i got into kpop back in 2019 through bts and twice (good times)! and it took me a lot of time to actually branch out from that starting point — txt playing a big role in it because i was obsessed with run away when it came out (still my fav title track by them). i came to know about seventeen on 2020 when left & right came out, and i loved it! but i didn’t exactly go straight to “stanning”, i just added them on spotify and just vibed along whenever it came up. after that it’s mostly a blur with svt for several reasons. until attacca came out on late 2021, i saw the rock with you mv, and was like: HOLD THE FUCK UP I NEED TO GET INTO THIS SHIT IMMEDIATELY?! i remember doing everything i possibly could (following their socials and stuff, adding all their albums to my spotify library, etc.)... believe me or not, it took me almost 7 months to catch up with all the content i wanted to check out. and well, the rest, i’m sure you can see/guess. about “to you” specifically though, my first impression was — “is it legal for a song to be this good?! did they put drugs in it or something 😭?” and it’s still the same. “to you” is a work of art, one that made me feel emotions i thought i’m not capable/eligible of feeling. i love attacca the mini album so much, from the top to bottom. what a gem!

— random get to know me asks 💌

#📬; aleyna’s mailbox #🍶; ask games!#🌸; my petals!#rencarnationofangel #phew that was a lot #sorry if this makes anyone sad or something jdghbcbn i ended up crying while writing the first answer #it’s a me thing tho i’m clearly overly emotional about almost everything

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colorisbyshe · 2 years ago

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I really love Mitski, Wsshing Machine Heart and Nobody are very special to me :3. I also really love Strawberry Blonde & Me and my husband. I enjoy Conan Grey a lot, Comfort crowd is one of my faves. I also like Space Girl, by Frances Forever, Say so by Doja Cat. I also LOVE Do It by Chloe x Halle. Way Down by MØ. Also Janelle Monae.

A lot of the music on my playlists are very 'soft' and im looking for something harder, and I'm not really sure how to describe it. I did hear a BT/S song and liked the general vibe, but i dislike the band bc ive heard theyre very antiblack, but i do like what I heard so far so im pretty interested in kpop as a genre :)

Okay so some of this music I had to listen to for the first time, but I got you. Sort of. I'm taking all of this music into consideration at once because you cast a fairly broad net and I don't want to get too bogged odwn in going X Song of Mine = Y Song of yours.

I just scrolled through all my music by artist so uh

this got long

i;m sorry

Physical by The Aces, kinda poppier than you listed but still some gay girls making some indie pop-rockish music

Maybe try Runner by Alex G. I haven't listened to much Conan Grey so maybe I thought of this song when you mentioned him

Start It Up by Alex Mali, very sliick R&B with ethereal vocals. Check out the rest of this EP, tbh

Lovergirl by Andrea Valle is a bit more wavey but I think if you like Chloe X Halle this is... adjacent to that that but a bit more experimental

Lark by Au Revoir Simone has some of that sad girl crying on a synth vibe

Un Village by Baekhyun is Kpop, is both hard and soft, but has a focus on vocals that i see across your music taste

Maybe Fire Escape by Beach Bunny?

Actually I'm going through my music alphabetically and let me say if you like Chloe X Halle please listen to like... all of Beyonce's discography. She is like... the OG. I give you no specific song... just... explore, enjoy

Motospeed 24 by Bibi--she's kpop but more R&B inspired and has a lot of that vocal work I think you'll like. She can get dark and gritty

Your Light by The Big Moon, kinda poppy, kinda guitary. Pleasant

Luna by Bombay Bicycle Club--something you're less likely to stumble on as it's a bit older but it has the kinda poppy, indie rocky sound. This one is more of a reach

Forgive Me by Boa. I wanted to put Boa somewhere,because she's essential kpop me, and this is her song that feels the most "hard" BTS to me. Not a track that's indicative of most of her discography though

Just... all Bree Runway. Start with Somebody like You or All Night, which are more immediately in your wheel house

Western Wind by Carly Rae Jepsen, listen to the entire album this is from

Welcome to my Island by Caroline Polachek

HWA by CL is a bit harder kpop. Is dancier than previous kpop listing on this track

Stressed by Doechii, again more of the R&B stuff but she's GOOD. If you like this, also check out Persuasive

BOCA by Dreamcatcher, they do a lot of "harder" kpop but also have softer vocals as contrast.

An obviously Mitski-adjacent rec is Crush by Ethel Cain

Alternative to BTS: Exo!!! IDK what BTS song you liked, so it's hard to give direct alternaives but try: Monster, Tempo, The Eve, and I think Overdose is essential listening for them

I already forgot what the Conan Grey song you linked to sounded like, which makes this a bad rec based off it, but try back again by flor

MØ did a song with foster the people (blur, good song). Foster the people is one of my fave bands. None sound quite like way down but maybe try Pick U Up. Sit Next to Me is one of their song with the widest general appeal.

Undo by Heize. More kpop that isn't hard but I think based off your interest in Chloe x Halle... AND Doja Cat... thi sis a good middle place

Layin Low by Hyolyn. Sounds more like western R&B but... kpop

Be Mine by Infinite. NGL this has nothing to do with any of your songs, I just think it's essential kpop. The Chaser might be a closer BTS alternative

If you like Janelle Monae, make sure you don't miss her collab with Jidenna "Yoga." Telling a man to bend over... yes Janelle I love you

More by K/DA is a bit "harder"

Come In by Kai, I think based on your Conan Grey + Kpop interest, this might hit for you

Red Moon by KARD is a bit harder kpop, they have harder tracks but the instrumental here (and in a lot of their songs) has connective tissue with the song way down you mentioned

IDK what BTS song you listened to, so, again, Gasoline by Key is maybe the song I could more easily correlate with them. But Key is an eSSENTIAL kpop listen, so if you don't like this track, try others! Throw a dart at any track, it's good

This is a shot in the dar... by try Bedroom Eyes by The Knocks & The STudio Killers. Or look into any of The Knocks collabs with foster the people like their collab "ride or die"

LUNA from f(x) did a cover of "Say So" but her best song is "Free Somebody" which doesn't sound much like say so but give it a shot!

I feel like if you haven't heard much music, you probs don't know Marina, which is PROBABLY for the best, btu she was like... filling the void Mitski would later fill. Her older stuff is good. I am not a robot might be a nice place to start.

Another shot in the dark... try River by Mattis

All In by Monsta X is harder kpop and reminds me of what older BTS aspired to be. Try Shine Forever and Miss You a well

This is ALSO out of left field... try Heaven's Only Wishful by Mormor. Softer and different than the music you posted, but I think it's on the periphery of your taste and amybe you'll want to explore

Dark Doo Wop by MS MR comes to mind when I think of Mitski and idk why. Try it out

Listen to Come by Namie Amuro. It's jpop and it doesn't SOUND like say so but I think it taps into some of the asme energy.

This is Why by Paramore. Jump into Paramore's new album and celebrate with us all as it comes out soon!

Going by the MO inclusion, try out PVRIS. Just try a song or two from each album. Maybe start with Death of Me.

1-800-MLKYWAY by Rakiyah. She also has more Korean heavy tracks liek Like You or The Invitation.

I can't think of what Red Velvet track to rec to you just know that they are the pinnacle of kpop to me

One on 5 by Rico Nasty. Don't know why the way down track makes me think of htis but here we are

Same for Red Velvet: I think of Shinee as some of hte best kpop has to offer. Don't Call Me might be the most BTS-adjacent but isn't the best they have by a long shot. Listen to their song "View" and if you like that, I can rec you more

Listen to Jopping by SuperM i fyou want to be up to date on Kpop Memes because this one never dies but I prefer theri song I can't Stand the Rain

Idea by Taemin (a member of both Shinee and SuperM) goes pretty hard

If you liked the Tiger Woods track I mentioned in the last ask before, also try Mean Girls by her

Naturally by Tinashe, her entire 333 album really

im just rly into no one does from love by tove lo rn, check it out

you'll run into a lot of twice songs if you get into kpop, get loud is one of my fave less common ones

Scentist by Vixx is better than most BTS songs. Error is great too.

Try the WOnder Girl's album "Reboot." I have a suspicion about this

and i went overboard but i think that's it. i got distracted a lot doing this sorry

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