#but id really rather not hear it
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and like. Every Time i complain about tori haters at least one person comes to my inbox to justify themselves or explain their backstory and that they used to hate him but now don't and the thing is. i do not care. i don't want to hear that you dislike my favorite character and i think it's a bit of bad manners to come tell me about it so if you're thinking of doing that: don't
#this isnt really at anyone in particular because it has indeed happened several times and im sorry if it sounds a bit too harsh 🙇 but yeah#and if youve done it: don't come to apologize either i get that you didn't mean anything bad#but id really rather not hear it#mar's midnight rambles#also applies to other characters tbh
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Should I ignore Man or should I hear him out
#he sent me some song rec on spotify and i dont even use spotify. so to entertain him id have to pull it up#completely independently... and THEN go through the labor of entertaining him by formulating a response to whatever the hell it is#what is with him lately? doesn't he know i have a silly work crush that i only talk about passively in tumblr posts#it's funny bc with Man i had the same exact sorta silly crush on him like 5 years ago#when he seemed completely unattainable to me but he hasn't been that for a long time#he's so disgustingly human! admittedly rather pretty though#this guy if you follow the Man saga on britneyshakespeare dot tumblr dot com used to be a model like 10 years ago#he retired years before i knew him#i met him through poetry and he's written some good stuff but he's really rather silly#perhaps i reject him solely on the grounds that he genuinely admires me#to some extent. and not entirely incorrectly but often a little bit incorrectly.#i think he idealizes women. not just me#also he used to talk to me about other girls!!!!!!! lmao#stupid Man#tales from diana#all this instead of opening up the link he sent me. wow im funny#maybe i should tell him about work crush and pay him back for hearing about those dalliances he had when i was 21#nah i wont do that. im more of a gentleman than him lol
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promo hour but it’s more about promoting your own creative work (art, writing, etc.) about your selfship maybe…!?
#idk i think a lott of artists out there are very under appreciated#and its a reoccurring problem i see that people vent that not enough people pay attention to their creative work#its my problem too#i have 300 but ive come to the realization that im more known for selfship imagines rather than my own art… I JUST DON’T MEAN TO BE A#-DOWNER OR ANYTHING BUT. just something i’ve noticed really#it would be nice if we could hype each other up#it won’t COMPLETELY replace the normal promo hours because there are selfshippers who aren’t creatives yknow. but just hear me out on this#-one okay.#i’m not sure if its been done before either and went horribly wrong… id like to know peoples thoughts too#❥ vels ramblings
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C'mon guys, for the next Nintendo console, let us virtual pet fans rally together! Mametchi for Mario Kart 9, and Agumon for Smash 6.
Virtual pets are video games too!
#virtual pets#digimon#tamagotchi#vpets#nintendo#mario kart#super smash bros#im only half kidding cuz i don't want mametchi in mario kart that bad#id rather the next mario game just have a really good roster of mario characters#but if mametchi does return you wont hear me complain#but I DO want Digimon representation in Smash#really really badly#C'mon bandai muscle your way in there
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Wait, a thought before i try to sleep: i think its so weird and sad and pathetic that educators of some form are so smug and proud that their students or other people in general dont like asking them for clarification abt stuff. Like, the training and development officer in my dept. mentioned once that even the senior techs dont like it when shes in the room with them, proudly. Maybe im thinking too much into this but???? Ur proud of being feared??? Ur proud of making ur students/trainees uncomfortable??? Ur proud of being unapproachable ??? What in to heck...
And i get that yeah she can be mean and strict sometimes (as she said) and that shes only doing it to i guess instill a sense of discipline and maybe perfectionism into us (tbf initial assessments have to be somewhat perfect at most cus. Medical field) but like if its a prolonged thing maybe its not doing too much good bro
#i HATE her frfr i used to respect her cus of her discipline and diligence but the more i spend time with her the more i wanna kill her#she like an annoying itch thats kinda starting to hurt#i really hate how if u ask her something it a gamble whether she will answer u directly or#she will smother it in ur face first how dumb stupid and no-good u are its so awful#id rather not see/hear/be in the same area as her for fear of either killing her and or myself as a stress response#i hate her so much#txt#negative#i guess
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i need all caine self shippers in a discord server so we can do tadc watch parties and cry about him together
#me time#tadc#nobody gets me#hes so handsome to me and i KNOW im not the only one#caine tadc#SCREAMING AND CRYING AGHGH HES SO CUTE HES SO SILLY CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#HELLLOOOOOO#i said i was nonsharing but i lied#i just really need to talk about him with other people#i still get a little bit jealous but id rather make new friends#plushieteeth🐶🎩#ig since its self ship stuff
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garroth? garroth ro’meave? are you an APHMAU fan? in 2023?
I AM 😭😭 but you could not pay me to rewatch mcd/ms/pdh or watch most of what aphmau puts out nowadays
#id rather stab my mother in a nonvital part#im just a really big fan of (technical) dilf! mcd garroth#you didnt hear this but im rewriting my garroth x reader fic from like#almost a decade ago?? i was 9#he reawakened smth in me idk#hes the reason i like time so much i think#the palace answers
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Didn't get to smoke before work this morning (also not at all confident I took my meds) and while I'm managing the immense stress of the day (hello three new projects) rather well I'm reminded that the ritual of a spliff and a cup of coffee does in fact help keep my teeth dull and my temper subdued
#asked my fellow hiring committee members one of whom is my supervisor if i was really the only person who liked one candidate#and was blatantly honest that I think the issue at hand is the ego/insecurities of the man who oversees this role/department#and we have to toe the line of choosing someone good for the job and who wont be bullied by him/clash with him 24/7#and id been shocked that i was the only one who saw potential in one or two candidates and ultimately i think it's due#to the fact im less willing to let the supervisors insecurities/ego play a role in this. and i said as much#and the response was a laugh and 'well shit everyone duck for cover he might hear us james is getting nasty '#and I'm not really im just tired of pretending like that isnt the core of the issue here. his ego has been wounded for the whole o last yeat#*year and now he's continuously making it everyone else's problem and whomever gets this role with be the Andy to his Miranda#except he has so little to offer in terms of real guidance i feel. hes going to bully and boast and be petty to whomever gets chosen#but any attempt to say that to leadership will get waved away ultimately because he's leadership and he's fought to get his own admin#so rather than get someone with a diverse and varied skill set who can match him in work and intensity#we'll end up with some kid who probably cant set boundaries and will get steamrolled completely#so yeah im irritated by the whole process. and my lack of meds today is making it hard to play nice about it
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Ok I'm going to start rereading ITNL today
This is part of my journey for continuing my great big beast of a project
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ITNL READERS REJOICE!!!!!!! i am taking steps to prepare myself for the experience once again.#now as for when this will actually lead to a chapter posted. um uh. uhm.#depends entirely on how my brain latches onto it and also fucking school. Fucking School.#if it werent for my exams and giant presentation etc etc ykno it'd be pretty alright actually#realistically speaking i probably wont be able to really get to writing for at least another week or so#buuuUuUuUuUUt the GOOD news is that the writing i Do have impending. will be rather exciting for me.#so i have a feeling that 20-22 are going to be written in relatively short succession.#big moments of the fic and all that. ya kno.#But First i must reread the fic. to remind myself of everything that has happened. and to get back into the headspace of itnl vash.#my wonderful guy. hes so frustrating. i love him. hes not going to be doing what Anyone wants him to and thats so fair of him.#anyways uhmmmm if ur excited for this id love to hear about it for writer's encouragement etc etc.#even if it's just a like on my posts about it lol.#getting caught up in my head about it again. ya kno. would love some cheering on if anyone's up for it.#gonna prep some lunch then get to reading WAHOOOO
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thinking about prev reblog very hard right now
#like fuck actually ive never seen someone talk about that part of being autistic before#and like everyone in the comments and reblogs agreeing#like fucckkk maybe im not evil actually#and like to clarify when people do want to infodump to me (which is often the case as i have a million other autistic friends) i do let them#and not in like a begrudging way either i do try to like contribute to the conversation and ask relevant questions#because a part of being in a society is just accepting that not every conversation will cater to you but you still have to take part in it#and sometimes when i hear someone going insane over a topic it does Make me interested and i end up finding new media or music or topic#recommendations#like thats cool#but i cant lie sometimes id literally rather be doing anything else on earth than listening to someone talk about something idgaf about#and like yeah thats on me im not saying people are in the wrong for trying to infodump to me#just that im also not evil for being bored and not fully caring#because realistically even if youre not autistic you cant really care about Everything. not genuinely#but especially as an autistic person do you guys remember when hyperfixating actually meant hyperfixating#like unfortunately i cannot care about most things because my brain has been taken over by a parasite.yeah i can talk about ghost#sighs anyway. gets really emotional about this for no reason
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I hate this. I don't want a romantic relationship or situationship or anything like that- I just want a friend I can platonically flirt with (and be flirted with) in a way that seems romantic but isn't. Give me the comfort of recognizing that I'm not ostracized and can have people interested in me just like most of my other friends without the pressure of having to reciprocate anything.
Call me a pretty boy, tell me you love me, make some flirty comment and tease me when I get embarrassed by it, hold me, hold me
#I think I'm asking for a qpr#ive got so much internalized guilt for wanting anything other than a stereotypical average relationship though#having and identity crisis#you mean well (you know who you are) but it just makes me feel guilty#i dont wanna go back to my old name and pronouns#“tomboy” doesnt fucking fit me#maybe im not a guy either i dont ficking know but being called a guy makes me so goddamn happy#i dont wanna say this tl you directly bc I'm shit with boundaries and assume the worst so i feel like youll judge me#but god#you've helped me more than anyone and maybe youre right abkut this too#but maybe id rather suffer with a “double life” than give up this part of me that makes me so damn happy#i CRIED when you called me my birth name. it physically disgusted and hurt me to hear that from you directed at me.#i know that wasnt the intent#but thats how it felt for me#im really hoping you find this (the tags not the post itself) bc i know damn well i wont voice this aloud to you#text me about it on discord instead lf here if you do though okay? i dont check my messages on here
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thinking of other songs where if they dont do anything for u as a person you should probably keep it to yourself because thats embarrassing and indicative of shortcomings in YOU. shame shame shame shirley and company obviously. dirty work steely dan. thinking of multiple rufus wainwright songs but probably april fools comes tops because its literally and you will believe in love and all that its supposed to be. umm torn on suspended in gaffa because while its my favourite kate song and i do think not liking kate bush in general is embarrassing in a person i could deal with that one not necessarily being your favourite id prefer it even..said it before say it again in my life the beatles. come on eileen. seven days too long but granted its not as popular as come on eileen. we could go on
#flirted with the idea of sticking something by the smiths in here. didnt quite do it although i do think that the awful thing about the#smiths is they are really good . like idk we could lie i could sit here and lie but id rather not#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again#anyway what would other people have on theirs...do share..perhaps... (<- guy who thinks anyone gives a fuck)#shame shame shame is real tho if you hear that and dont enjoy yourself i think its over for u sorry there is nothing to be done for u
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urge to make a post with audio clips to show off my voice progress so far but i keep getting le shy
#ive been keeping a weekly video timeline (weekly is excessive i know but id rather do it now than not and regret it later lol#holy shit tumblr mobile can you stop kicking me out of typing every 10 seconds. anyway#my very first one you can hear how nonconfident i am its soo bad. but now that im hating my voice less and less its getting so much easier#to talk on camera#which of COURSE i knew itd happen but it still feels SO GOOD im really really happy
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turns out when you dont practice you not only dont get better you might actually get worse!
#picked up my clarinet………. :| in my defence im also really uncomfortable practicing cause. what if my. neighbours hear id rather die acshualy#txt
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if you can stomach it i would recommend watching the body cam footage of the sonya massey killing, i'll try to describe it but it's hardly possible. you can't truly understand the type of extreme, completely volatile aggression that happens with cops if you haven't seen it, and it's captured here very harrowingly.
several officers are in her house, calmly talking with her about her id and vehicle papers for some time. it's routine administrative stuff, no acute danger or stress whatsoever. one of them tells her to take her pot off the stove, remarking that they don't need a fire in the house now, she walks over into the kitchen and complies. he suddenly backs off towards the front door despite already being several feet away. she asks him where he's going, he says "away from your hot, steaming water." she repeats "my hot, steamin' water?" in an amused tone. then adds "i rebuke you in the name of jesus," in a similar tone while pouring the water down the sink. the atmosphere is completely calm, you might even say amiable.
she's at this point still separated from the cops by her kitchen aisle and several feet of additional distance. the cop prompts her to repeat what she said, she repeats her reply about rebuking him in the name of jesus [edit: i didn't phrase this right in the original post; this phrase is not really a joke but rather used similarly to 'perish the thought'- ie rebuking his implication that she would harm them]. she doesn't even realise there's been a complete 180 in his head. he goes "you better fucking not, i will shoot you in your fucking face," she's stunned by the sudden abusive language for half a second, immediately he draws his gun directly at her head, she gets out a panicked "sorry!" and ducks behind the aisle, he rounds the corner into the kitchen specifically to advance right next to her, immediately fires 3 shots at her head from above at minimal distance. she's dead where she stood, or cowered rather, by the sink in her nightgown.
after a few seconds you hear the click of him turning on his body cam, saying "she came at me with a pot of boiling water." for the recording. he also nonchalantly tells his partner there's no need to get a med kit because it was a headshot. it's one of the most clear cut cases ever and it's fully recorded only because his partner did already have the body cam on throughout.
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Autistic lateral violence is hard for me to wrap my head around? What do you mean you struggle to recognise social cues but don't struggle to weponise them?
#I'm genuinely so confused this person is a leader in my local autistic space#I've just stopped going to avoid them#actually autistic#autism#lateral violence#be serious#they will wait 6 months to bring up an issue but tell everyone else that theyve communicated with you multiple times#fuck that bullshit id rather be lonely than deal with this.#this person told everyone that i was ignoring their requests for trigger warnings and requests to move on from a topic we were discussing#this was a group discussion on how autistics interract with police in an autistic space#they kept trying to rejoin this conversation and chamge the topic but i kept us on topic#there were other conversations they could have joined but they kept interrupting the small group of 5 of us who discuss social justice stuff#im so frustrated at their paternalistic attitude#they kept interrupting because they deemed it inappropriate for the space#its an over 18s autism meet up where we seperate into smaller social groups#but what really pisses me off is that this person told everyone for months that they had been communicating with me about the issue#but the first im hearing of it is 6 months down the track when other people have tried to call me out on something i wasnt aware of#they covered their ass in their message and its the first message they had ever sent me#but they basically made it seem in the message like this was a final straw#i just feel so isolated from the entire group becaus eof this one person that positions themselves as a leader.
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