#but i've mentioned some stuff to folks on discord

[irrealisms]

hi! yr probably not lookin for asks anymore, but. what's your lifesteal elevator pitch? i know absolutely nothing abt it or any of the folks on the server except the vague things i've absorbed frm reading yr analysis as it crosses my dash, but it compels me, etc.+ also merry christmas! <33 🎄🌟

good news: i am always looking for asks

bad news: my parents DID go to sleep and i was able to wrap presents and put them beneath the tree and so on, so i wasn't going to do more asks tonight

good news again: i actually already have a lifesteal pitch. in a google doc. bc i'm normal

the pitch does assume you're basically already into mcrp and just curious about lifesteal in specific BUT we went to dsmp together so this works out

I really love shitty little tryhards causing problems via impressive feats of minecraft, and lifesteal is full of those. if you like people being good at minecraft, I really recommend lifesteal--in s2, clownpierce was top 50 worldwide at crystal pvp, and now he's washed and in s6 there are 2-3 (depending on who you ask) lifestealers who are better than him at pvp (admittedly maybe not at crystal); in s4, there's some stuff that's impressive in ~vanilla (eg parrot wins a 1v1 while on one heart) and some stuff that's impressive through exploits/social stuff (eg a group of people use a glitch + social engineering to get /op and prove to mojang that the glitch is a security issue that needs patched). every season is like this! lifestealers have backdoored the server 3 seasons in a row (s3-5). for a more recent weird Lifestealer Behavior, rekrap and jumper filled in every end portal room and built new fake ones to make it look like the world glitched and generated without them. lifesteal is weird and constantly coming up with new weird yet impressive things to do. a lot of stuff that's currently banned on lifesteal (F3+A, pie ray) are things i only learned were possible from lifesteal. (on the flip side i'd say: if you are not into shitty little tryhards making weird impressive clickbait, you probably won't like lifesteal, although you may still like hearing about it from time to time.)

related to them being shitty little tryhards causing problems: the rules are...more of a suggestion. getting around the rules, and hiding from the server owner and/or other players that you're doing so, is often part of the fun of lifesteal! (see also the thing where i mentioned that it's been backdoored three seasons in a row.) if that's intriguing: check it out. if not: once again, you have been warned.

lifesteal absolutely has lore and some people roleplay on it, there is nonzero c/cc divide, but it's more like traffic life than, say, late dsmp--it's fully improv, not scripted, and even more than traffic life it is genuinely adversarial. you can sometimes be confident that someone is in character but you can never be sure if someone is out of character, on lifesteal-- things like "going to someone's house irl to turn off their computer" or "lying about your homework/school/sleep schedule" or "changing your entire discord layout so that when you DM someone they think you're someone else" or "claiming you need their footage of an event for your video when actually you just want to see where their spawn point is" are all things that have been done on lifesteal that are considered fair game! everything on lifesteal is real; sometimes this goes well, sometimes it doesn't, but both are interesting to see imo because they are real

partially for this reason and partially for other reasons, lifesteal is fascinating to me as a piece of unique storytelling? a lot of mcyt is doing interesting things with its medium and being improv, lifesteal's not fully unique in that, but definitely if you like that you might like lifesteal. along with the improv, there's the fact that many lifestealers lie about what actually happened in their videos (comparing different videos with the vods, or in some cases with "what people say in various vods" when events weren't streamed, gives some fascinating insights imo--how do people frame their stories? how honest are they? what do they blatantly lie about, what do they gloss over or omit, what do they include in full? who, if anyone, do they see as the heroes or villains? whose videos agree with each other, and whose present a totally different story?), and the fact that conflict about "where do we want the story to go next, what do we think would be an interesting video/the best ending" is often the driving motive for in-character wars and conflicts! if you're interested at all in lifesteal and storytelling, check out barrier blocks part 2 by @mering/@myrmica, which is a deep dive on eclipse federation and the end of lifesteal s4 (those are my special guys); it dips into some academic game studies and it's really, really good. i genuinely cannot recommend it highly enough. (part one is also real good for non-lifesteal-specific discussion of mcrp!)

if you want a more specific plot summary (esp of s4) and/or "how do i actually, like, watch this" (of any seasons): hmu! but that's my pitch. also, read barrier blocks

[traegorn]

So Remember You Can Find Me Elsewhere...

I love Tumblr, and plan to stay here until the lights turn off or they make me leave -- but honestly I'm always nervous about the future of this platform. So I thought I'd remind you guys that I exist elsewhere online.

My own websites:

First off, I've been maintaining my own website since 1996 and I have a blog there that I started in 2001 when I was twenty and working retail. It is, for better or for worse, the most "me" place online. It has three different domains -- trhonline.com, traedorn.com and traegorn.com -- but they're all the same site. You can always find me and my stuff there.

I'm also part of a collective of creators called Nerd & Tie, which started out as a podcast network but has been branching out into other media. And it, of course, has a site.

I have other websites like Peregrine Lake's site or BS-Free Witchcraft's, but those two places will always function as central hubs for what I (or we) are currently doing. Also, we have independent forums for Nerd & Tie where folks can talk to each other without a corporate overlord collecting data or ads ever appearing (I put ads on my sites -- but not on the forums).

But now on to other social networks and sites I don't run:

First off, my Patreon. Obviously there are perks for my paid membership, but free members can get some updates here, so if you have an account, why not follow for free?

But also I'm on other sites to varying degrees -- so here's the list:

Finally, besides the forums I mentioned earlier, Nerd & Tie has a Discord you can join where I can always be found.

And that's it pretty much? I probably forgot something, but that's it for now.

[wind-up-thancred]

bit of thancred character musing under the cut that im gonna try to approximate from a 6am discord rambling into something i can actually post. both SHB and EW spoilers included

i saw some folks talking on twt about how guilt seems to be a very important factor in his life and i agree. i think a lot of major parts of his character and arcs have been due to guilt over something he did (or didnt even really do, re: the whole goobue rampage situation). it's driven him to work his ass off after louisoix which lead to him getting possessed... but its probably also what motivated him to do better for ryne after being forced to look his fuckups directly in the eye instead of just wallowing about them. but i think, at the same time, he doesnt really seem to, like... actually be proud of himself for a lot of the stuff he's done in order to work off that guilt? the biggest giveaway for that being the line in endwalker on the ragnarok where he talks about his "good deeds" cynically and seems to insist that they were never really that impactful in the first place. that they'll just go to dust when he dies.

in shb, during the ahm areng segment, not only does he talk down on himself in general, but also puts down his attempts to help OG minfilia back in the pre-ARR days... when i'm pretty sure she never even blamed him for the goobue rampage in the first place.

it's all a little bit sad to me, tbh. i've seen some people reason that, because he was only able to escape poverty due to louisoix seeing potential in his thieving skills, he's essentially internalized the idea that he's only really worth keeping around by ANYONE if he's actively being productive, either helping others or trying to fix whatever fuckups he feels he's made. i think that would explain a lot of this

note the "few positive traits" line, which to me comes across as "i was only picked up out of childhood poverty because he thought my skills were useful." though i don't really know how much of that mentality he's managed to work past by post endwalker. he IS able to go off on his own, and mentions that he trusts the scions to keep themselves safe now... but as i ranted about before, the short story points out that he's only really content to rest briefly before he feels obligated again to seek out unrest to try and help, specifically mentioning minfilia again. also, a couple times during the story, notably post ARR after his possession, mid SHB after he's wounded in a fight with sineaters, and post SHB after he passes out due to the weakening soul-body bond, he seems to dislike even having to rest for medical reasons

it's a pretty interesting part of his character to me. idk if the writers specifically had his rigorous upbringing in mind when they wrote these parts of his character, but to me it would make a lot of sense as an explanation for why he's so averse to rest and why he carries so much guilt and why he's so passionate about keeping the folks around him safe. that's kinda been his whole reason for life since he was a kid-- using his skills for the benefit of others. to him, doing anything other than that would be a waste, it seems.

idk. funny guy makes my heart hurt. yes i had all these dialogue screencaps saved and on hand. yes i am a little insane. what of it

[your-local-grinning-cat]

The Ultimate Compilation Callout

Hey Guys! AR OOC once again to say I am 100% done.

I'm done with this. I thought it was finally dying down and the drama was finally getting to be over with but then she came back and is now trying to say that we are the ones in the wrong. And she is STILL trying to blame Leona's mod when, as both @/castaway-achlys and I have stated numerous times at this point, they were asleep during the entire event. They did not ask for us to defend them. We were both just tired of hearing our friend be exhausted and stressed out by her.

And the fact that so many people have come out to give their own experiences of her being rude and cruel to them just proves this is not a singular event.

I'm putting all this under a cut because it's gonna get long guys. In fact, I’m probably going to end up needing to create a couple reblog chains to get it all out.

But I'm done playing nice. I have all the receipts. Like I went allllll the way back to when the discord was first created. I caught her in her first lie.

Which, coincidentally, her very first lie in the Discord server happened on the very first day it was formed. What a way to start.

I call her the Malleus mod as an identifier in these screenshots, because unlike her, I am not petty enough to reveal peoples’ personal information on the internet just because I don’t like them.

HOWEVER. I will remind everyone that she is not JUST the owner of the Malleus account. Even if you don’t want to look under the read more because there are a LOT of receipts, know that these are all her known blogs.

I do not condone harassment. Harassment is basically what started all this. Just block and go.

Malleus Draconia @/therealmalleusdraconia

Falena Kingscholar @/the-falena-kingscholar

Aijuka (A Leona gf OC) @/the-one-aijuka

Jack Howl @/frosh-jack-howl

Fellow Honest @/fellow-honest

Meleanor Draconia @/meleanor-draconia

Baul Zigvolt @/baul-zigvolt

Sebek’s Mother @/thethickestone

Marja Felmier @/marja-felmier

And her latest: Eric Venue @/ericvenue

(Bonus non-rp blog @/thetwistedminds)

Before we get too far into it I will say there is a slight color code! But only a tiny one!

Gross light green color - look at that lie! 👀

Gross darker green color - a lie is revealed! 🤭

Orange - note the date/time! 🗓️⏰

Let me show you what I mean in the lie I’ve already mentioned - her very first one. :)

There we have the orange, telling you to note the date. That’s because I was wanting to make sure it was known that the pet posts were made on the same date that the discord was created.

And then we have the gross light green around Malleus mod claiming that this bunny is her bunny and that it was her bunny’s birthday recently.

Now here is the follow up with the gross darker green of a lie revealed. 😌

And there we have it! The color coding system and her very first lie told the very first day the Discord channel was active and easily disproven with an image search.

Now let’s get into the FUN STUFF! /sarc

We’re going to be doing some rehashing here but I’m also going to probably be including some new things so stay with me folks! This’ll be a ride! Buckle up!

So, originally I was thinking I'd start with the current drama. But considering that a lot of that has already been covered and what hasn't been covered needs more context, I'm just going to keep going in chronological order, I guess.

I've been up for over 24 hours compiling receipts, editing them to protect IDs, and then getting them all sorted so let's finally do this so I can pass out!

First up is something that actually has been covered a bit but I'm going to expand on it slightly - her blatant lie to @/elysia-nsimp (I'm not tagging anyone because I'm not forcing anyone to get notifications on this lmao).

Here's what everyone has already seen. But to expand on the event, we didn't call her out on her bad behavior, even though we probably should have as she had just lied straight to another mod's face about her blog ownership. I simply DM'd the mod in question privately to make sure they were okay and then tried to keep the peace in the main chat.

Because, believe it or not with this major callout post, I don't generally like confrontation. But I stepped in there for Elysia and I stepped up during this for Leona's mod.

Now, later that night, she posts this as if nothing had happened and she hadn't just been told that she needed to work on her roleplaying skills:

Uh huh. Sure. That's your last account. Because you have shown so much self-control when it comes to filling character voids within the twst rp community already. I'll be generous and give you a month before you break.

Now these next ones need a tiny bit of background information and a note: the Malleus mod is German and, as far as we know, lives in Germany. These next pictures are little indicators that she has not experienced the United States at all. These indicators may not seem important now, but they will be in just a little time. So keep them in mind for after the pause.

You cannot tell me anyone who has spent any length of time in the United States has not at least heard of Walmart.

Quick pitstop to say wow! You didn't even make it a month! Congratulations!

Also, note the question from the admin and the pretty obvious passive aggressiveness from me. We were sending plenty of hints that they needed to stop - sometimes coming outright and saying it, sometimes simply implying. Either way, we were all ignored.

She says she's not a mind reader. Well, apparently she's just not a reader period.

Now... a bit of an oddball here. And I want to say I do not necessarily think this is a lie. I am including it for a lie that is coming. The one that I included all those America comments for.

I'm sure you will note that I said that I don't "necessarily think" it's a lie - indicating that I do think it could be a possibility. That would be correct.

She has been lying since day one and, after this doozy of a story I'm about to share with you, I honestly don't know what to believe when it comes to her.

So.. to sum this up...

We went from a cringe ask from an OC account that she didn't want to answer -> the asker wasn't supposed to be on tumblr because they were underage (???) and was trying to date her irl and somehow had all of her information (oh but don't worry guys she deleted the ask!) -> he found her social media accounts and sent her NSFW pictures and started spam liking, demanding pictures of her kids, sent pictures of her at-the-time boyfriend, sent pictures of his family and his kids -> so she blocked him on everything and then started spam creating the rp accounts to see if he did it with other people or if it was just her (...mmmhmmm...) but nope he was only interested in Malleus -> she then apparently moved to America for a bit to crash with her boyfriend because this underage person went to Germany to find he.

Oh, by the way, why was this guy obsessed with her? Oh, he was obsessed with German women. He decided that all German women were pretty. And she's German-Russian! And Russians have intense standards for women you know! After this guy found out she was German AND Russian, I mean... it was only a matter of time before he upped his game to try to find her!

Guys, she's not saying she's too beautiful for her own good - the underage stalker speaks for itself!

Now, since this stalker found her through her Malleus account and was obviously very determined, you would think the first course of action would be to, ya know, delete the Malleus blog. Right?

No, no, no! Then she would have to start all over and, of course, if she switched accounts she would be forced to make a post on her current blog saying what her new blog is and he would just find her there. That's why she's trying to make her other accounts more active than her Malleus account (her Malleus account was still, by far, before all this happened, the most popular of all her rp blogs)!

Can I also mention that in that post announcing her pregnancy ON HER MALLEUS ACCOUNT WHERE SHE SUPPOSEDLY HAS A STALKER, she had tagged ALL OF HER BLOGS AT THE TIME?

But yes, Malleus mod. I definitely believe your story. :)

Please. Please tell me you all can understand why I just cannot find it in me to trust a single word coming out of this woman's mouth.

Especially now that during this whole drama, she has been lying through her teeth and trying to pin the entire blame on Leona's mod.

Now this part is nearly over (thank whatever gods anyone believes in) but let's just post the last few of the "before drama happened" pictures, shall we?

...I'm realizing I didn't underline the part where I called her out for having that many blogs in the gross dark green of a lie caught... oops. This is what happens when you have far too little sleep.

But either way, here is another time when she was called out on a lie of hers. And her little comment at the end means she read it and she acknowledged us.

She just didn't care because it didn't suit her.

~~~~~~

ALRIGHT!

THAT'S THE END OF PART ONE!

Yeah. This is going to come out in PARTS. I can't cover it all in one post because there is a picture limit.

So, I'm going to end up making a reblog chain...

Eventually.

Real talk? I need to sleep. Desperately. It's nearly two in the afternoon where I am and I have not slept yet.

Do not underestimate the power of spite and my loyalty to my friends. Both are very strong motivators.

But my body's needs are finally winning.

When I wake up, I'll have the Ultimate Drama Arc to post and expand upon and then the Return of the Drama Arc.

Yay. (said in the most unenthused voice ever lmao)

Anyway. Enjoy all this. I'm gonna go die. /j

[neon-ufo]

Online shop updated!

I kinda neglected updating and promoting my online shop, but I put some work into it today, adding new prints, keychains and stickers, and finding a cuter layout!

https://neonufo.bigcartel.com/

I added the Falin and Laios prints that people have been asking for, as well as MLP and Eeveelution stickers. I also restocked most of my keychains and added Vampirka and Y2K Anasui charms!

There is also a new batch of greatly discounted A3 prints of some pieces I won't be reprinting, which I want to sell fast so that I can make space for new stuff.

I ALSO restocked my DIO fashion zine! There are 10 books available.

Lastly, I decided to offer tattoo tickets, as I've had a few people express interest in that.

I've also been wondering if I should occasionally offer some of my original ink drawings in my shop, perhaps selling some of my old JJBA inktober pieces from 2018. Would anyone be interested in that?

And since I'm promoting myself, might as well finish this by mentioning I have a Patreon where I share very frequent WIPs and post finished pieces much earlier than on my other social media. $5 tier members get access to a discord channel where they can submit priority requests on my somewhat-monthly request streams.

Alright, I think that's all folks! ☮️

[commodorez]

How would one go about learning how to make something like the cactus?

Like prerequisites, older code, hardware stuff, etc.

The main prerequisites I can think of are being heavily interested in vintage computers, and having the drive to try and fail and then try again.

I started with building Grant Searle's design, borrowing from other working designs as I went. However, for the front panel? That's alot of time designing, learning, simulating in Logisim, and testing with physical logic gates to produce something 100% original and of my own design. I imagine most folks won't want to go to the trouble of designing an entire front panel state machine like I did.

The good news is that there are way more kits that can help teach the necessary skills than ever before! Most notably, Ben Eater's 6502 kit is a really great way to learn many of the things that I've put into practice here. He has a whole youtube video series associated with it, walking through concepts, construction, programming, etc. step by step. Even if you don't build one of his kits, watching them is an informative process. *I* learned alot, even after having built the Cactus.

If you're going the Z80 direction, the RC2014 series of kits can teach you plenty. There's also glitchworks kits in a few processor types, but those tend to be a bit more for the advanced user. There's the 1802 Membership Card but that's small and not really expandable. I could be here all day listing kits that can help teach and build up experience.

I should mention that I have a computer science degree in my back pocket, but learning logic gates or using assembly was only lightly touched on in the course of my studies. Most of the programming I do involved messing around in BASIC anyway.

I really didn't have a game plan for some of it, so alot of my learning process was trial and error. Alot of errors, in fact. Still making them, and learning from them. I also took the harder route to construction, since I didn't know how to use EDA tools for designing PCBs like KiCAD or Altium or Eagle (don't use Fritzing for the love of fuck).

Oh, one other thing I can recommend: reading through contemporary 1970s computing magazines like Byte (check the internet archive for back issues). There are all sorts of cool projects and ideas present that can really guide you. It doesn't hurt to have a copy of Don Lancaster's TTL Cookbook on hand (I think it's in PDF form online).

Finding a community to help you out is also a great idea. Even back in the 1970s, many folks who jump-started the home computer revolution had the Homebrew Computer Club to help them out. Community meetings to bounce ideas off of, and help one another through debugging are essential in my book -- you don't have to work in a vacuum. I've got a few places I've asked for help, most notably the Retrotech Crew discord server. I've had the benefit of friends who also have homebrewed designs like @techav, who have inspired me with their ideas, but helped me out with mine. In turn, as I've learned, I've been able to help out others.

Hopefully that answers your question. Keep 'em coming!

[theinstagrahame]

One of the best things about Crowdfunding is, stuff arrives even when you're cutting way back on spending. A *ton* of stuff arrived in the last month and a bit. Got a bunch of really neat projects in, and it's time to get hype about it!

Why these games rule, under the cut

The Revenant Society: Banana Chan is one of those names that immediately catches my attention when she's on a project. Actually, looking at the list again, the team for this game was stacked, it was a real All-Star Cast. But like, even without the powerhouse designers on the case, this just gets all the things I want in a game: Time loops, murder mysteries, trapped on the Underground. A PbtA game where you solve your own murder is, y'know, a pitch that'll attract my attention.

Hellwhalers: I saw this game coming up through design phases in the Plus One Exp Discord, and it sounded incredible. Using tokens and an old ship betting game, you're part of a whaling crew chasing Moby Dick into actual hell. Maybe Ahab wasn't crazy after all, and maybe we won't survive.

Xenolanguage: I might own everything Thorny Games makes now, because they make games about language. Folks who may not know me might not know that I *love* linquistics. Honestly, if I could repeat college, I'd put more of my time into Linguistics. But due to the linear nature of time, I'll settle for playing games about decoding alien language in a first contact situation. Sorta like that movie Contact. Which, I loved.

Mothership and Desert Moons of Karth: I read through the original version of Mothership a couple of years ago, and it's one I wanted to get more into. When I saw that there was a chance to pick up the full 1e boxset on KS, I jumped. I've also seen tons of people talk about Karth as a really awesome sandbox module for the system, so when I had a little cash on DTRPG from selling books, it was an easy pickup.

Inscrutable Cities: Possum Creek Games told me to back this, so I did (this is a joke, but I do love PCG a whole lot). In reality, I saw Inscrutable Cities on Itch a while ago, and the pitch grabbed me. I love reading solo journaling games (I still haven't found a way I like to play them, if I'm completely honest, but they're really neat reads). Walking through an impossible city is something I'd love to do, so, I have the book for it now.

Reap: Spencer Cambell makes bangers, and bangers only. I'm not *not* on a mission to collect all of his work, but Necromancers? Solo tactical board games, built on Rune? Sure. I'm in.

Luna: Spencer Campbell makes bangers, and bangers only. I also picked up another of his books this month. The Nova universe? Moon cultists trying to destroy the sun? Sure, I'm in.

3 Moonlight on Roseville Beach zines: I played Moonlight on Roseville Beach on my now-defunct podcast, and it's a game that I honestly think about a lot. The dice system was complicated, but in a really neat way that gave the players a ton of really interesting decisions with every roll. What part of my action succeeds? What kinds of complications am I opening myself to?

Anyway, R. Rook put together some characters, mysteries, and monsters for the game, and I really wanted to explore more.

Hiria, In the Margins, A Visit to San Sibilia: I mentioned earlier that I like the notion of exploring weird cities, right? Well, here's two games about that, and a cool bookmark RPG for reading. I listened to San Sibilia played in an episode of Friends at the Table, and it really captured my attention. The questions were fascinating, and they let the players flesh out a city we'd only heard of, but not seen prior to that game. It was a cool coda on a really fantastic and weird season, Sangfielle.

Grandmothership: The title alone had me, but Armanda Haller is a creator I keep an eye on, because she makes really rad stuff. This caught my attention because solving mysteries in a weird, Mothership-esque sci-fi setting, as nosy grandmothers, really just, gets me. I want to do that. I want to live that.

Holdfast Station: I've been watching Stonetop develop through its email updates. It's another PbtA game, but with a robust city-building and city development core loop that, is 100% my jam. (Low-key, one of my favorite games is Dragon Quest Builders 2.) This game takes that concept to space, which is 1000% my jam, in fact.

Spectres of Brocken: Aaron Lim is a designer I got into early on in my foray into games, and I do love Mech Anime. I am eager to see his take on Mech Anime, and I am really intrigued by the way this game handles playsets and worldbuilding as part of the game itself. Really can't wait to dive into this.

Lay on Hands: This is another of those games I've heard about, but never actually checked out. I know Alfred Valley better by reputation than by direct experience, but this is one of those games I hear people constantly telling people to check out. So, I'm gonna!

Penumbra City: Maybe 5 years ago, I read a novella by Margaret Killjoy about anarchists living in an abandoned city, and beset by assholes within their community, and supernatural horrors from without. The world kinda stuck with me, so when I saw she was working on an RPG not in the same world), I was curious to see what that would look like. I haven't cracked Penumbra City open yet, but I'm jazzed to do so.

These two fell off the pile for the big photo, so I forgot:

Deathmatch Island: I enjoyed the Hunger Games and Battle Royale movies a pretty moderate amount, but what really caught my attention here was the promise that players could also break the Reality TV Parody. The use of the Paragon system also caught my attention. After hearing one AP of Agon, I really wanted to see how that would translate into this, and it didn't take me too long reading it to go "Oh, okay, this rules."

Our God is Dead: What if you were a paladin or priest of a faith, and you found out your god was dead? What if you also had like, a bunch of people who really needed that god not to be dead, like this weekend? This sounds hilarious, and I am going to insert it into conversation often to see if people want to play it. Apologies to people who know me.

Eagle eyed viewers may have noticed a second Mothership box. What's that about?

It's a storage box for all my Mothership Zines so far... Except the two that are just slightly too big!

And, some fun comics/graphic novels:

Good Boy Paws: A friend of mine in comics put this together, and it looked extremely cute. A sweet tale of a good boi.

Wine Ghost Goes to Hell: Picked this up because the creator had contributed to Bugsnax, which is a game I enjoyed, and the concept seemed fun. Will have to check it out and report back!

[prpfz]

✨️🌃 alright gang, my threads are sTILL dry as hell and if i don't start writing some new stuff, i might explode. that said, hi, hello, i'm on the market for new writing buddies, and this is an ad for some good ol' fashioned mxm oc x oc rp🫡 i'm also super super open to multi-muse plotting with other pairings (m/f, f/f, more m/m, whatever flavour pairings we want for background pairings) !! i lovelovelove gushing about characters and just yapping about our plot etc! that said, i do want to take a relaxed approach w this

i'm looking for 20+ folks to engage in devious tomfoolery with. third person, past/present tense, semi lit over discord, actor/celeb FCs !! dead dove + nsfw heavy plots are ideal! i prefer a decent plot to smut ratio, but it depends on the plot. 30:70 or 40:60 smut/plot is a good range imo! although i'd def love to include kinks etc when smut does come up :) i ONLY write switches and would prefer to write with folks who write switch or dom characters. i have very few limits👁 i love chatting ooc and i'm generally pretty laid back and uuuuusually pretty active depending on my mood etc :}

what am i looking for, you ask? anything tbh- as long as its not too bland or slice of life-y, i'm probably game. i'm super into 80s/90s settings, supernatural horror, mystery, all that jazz! i love drawing inspiration from scary stories/creepypasta narrations etc. i'm also a big sucker for mindfuckery, blackmail, general whump stuff- bring me your evil men to torment my fellas! (<- that isn't a must, i'm just always weak for it) i'm notttttt really looking for super submissive or twink-y characters to pair my characters with, sorry y'all😬 my characters lean more masculine/rugged etc, and i prefer writing against similiar such characters. that said, i do like a pretty face, so don't worry too much💅

if you're interested in something other than what i've mentioned thus far, feel free to interact anyway, i'd love to hear your ideas

otherwise, if this sounds like your kind of jam, like this post and i'll slide into your DMs!

Leave a like, and anon will get back to you!

[winterppeach]

Big Things, Big Post

Hey y'all! Long time no see, apologies for the quietness (forgot tumblr existed tbh, been more active over on Discord)

Big post today! Since lots of things have happened since I was last here

Bunny TF is finally apart of DoL+ !!!

The long awaited merge that happened earlier then expected due to some things that happened. You finally get to live out your dreams of beating people up as a rabbit :D

The buff/nerf trait that DoL+ adds to the Bunny TF is: Lupine Celerity -30% Physique -20% Willpower +40% Dancing +50% Athletics +10% Seduction

The Strong Feet Trait and Passive submissiveness remain.

General Updates I have done

DOLB version now reflects on what half of 0.1.5 we're on

Added the bunny TF icon to cheats menu (special thanks to Pinzya for making it!)

Placeholder text for the TF interaction with Robin has been added

Updated the Strong Feet trait to buff both Athletics AND Dancing

Updated the TF sprites (...again)

Added a section for the bunny TF in information, mildly out of date

Added in special furniture updates, majority don't have sprites yet and is still a major work in progress

Added in the icon for the moon plush, special thanks to Leni (i don't know their socials sob) for making it! Go check out their mod in the dolmodding server

Renamed and rewrote the descriptions of some traits. Predatory Animal -> Predatory Instinct Prey Animal -> Prey Instinct

Fixed the tf not appearing in combat

FINALLY updated the beeesss img pack

Any bug reports for the OG mod, please report them to me either on Discord (dolmodding)! or through the AMA Though if you do report bugs through the AMA, please make sure to give as much information as possible. I prefer to get bug reports via discord cause its easier to communicate there.

Any bug reports for the dol+ version of the mod, please report in the dol+ server!

As mentioned above, I've been more active over on Discord and have made various announcements relating to the future of the mod (dw i'm not abandoning it!) I have already made a few posts on this tumblr about my irl life but thankfully those issues have been solved.

Alas, more issues have come up. To keep things short, health has been getting worse and my overall motivation and love for this game have dwindled. Ofc I still love working on this mod, it finally pushed me to learn how to code and I appreciate all the support and wonderful people I met because of it ^^

But because of my health issues and motivation, I've decided to downscale the things I WANT to work on. Adding bunny folk to the mod is nolonger my main priority, esp with the issues I've had with coding it recently. Rather then stressing myself out over it, I've decided to just stick it on the shelf. It'll happen! Eventually... Over on discord, i've updated the list of things I want to do. I will post the list over here at some point so y'all can see the stuff I want/have plans to work on.

Another reason for the downscale? I want to focus on my personal projects! Repeating what I said, I love working on this mod. Its my pride and joy, my child. BUT but I also love my personal projects. Stuff that isn't just a mod of a game. If you do wish to join me in the journey of insanity, I have leaked my 'personal' account here before. Just requires a lil scrolling...

If you don't! That's fine, as long as you stick around to support the mod :D

And finally... I'll be attempting to do monthly update posts from now on. Both on Discord and Tumblr. I want to be active on this site again! At the end of the month I'll be going on a week long trip to see my boyfriend and friends! Will be away from my PC so if the game updates during them, fml.

That's everything! Happy (late) new year everyone! It has officially been over a year since I started developing this mod and next month it'll be a year since its full release. Once again, thank you all for the support!

[leonenjoyer69]

Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

[radioisntdead]

REGARDING THE SNIPPETS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE GIFT OF YOUR WRITING

Love above love: “He more or less did nothing wrong, just came down to slaughter sinners” oh Adam sweetie no, that’s genocide. 

I can’t even take a quote from felt and flesh the entire thing is just. AHHH *several aggressive chefs kisses*. The DESPAIR AND ANGUISH I CANNOT WAIT. 

Shady: “Being able to say you beat the radio demon in a gambling match would be a nice flex” lolll. And as we all know he won and they are now best friends 😀

Your writing is so yummy. It’s my favourite food. Absolutely scrumdiddlyumptious. NOM. You are cooking and it smells amazing. Obviously don’t rush yourself but I must say I am looking forward to reading the full things because YUMMMYYYY.

You have to feed me through the baseboards since I live in your walls now btw. 

-🦋

AAAA I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE SNIPPETS!!!

With love above love it's so RARARARAR, I can't spill much about it because I'm stuck with a gap in the middle that I'm working on but I can say it involves this song and redemption >:] and Adam getting tormented by Niffty

I haven't written much for Adam but it's so FUN EXPLORING HIS MINDSETS AND CHARACTER, and I'm especially proud of this paragraph here, I need to clean it up a bit but RARARA

I'm definitely planning on writing more for the heaven folks too, especially with their mindsets, the line between what is considered good and bad, on one side they think what they are doing is good but the reality it's not, and I definitely have some stuff in mind regarding Charlie and Emily, maybe Sera too, because none of them, despite interacting with Sinners and winners, they've never actually been human, and I don't know if Lute is heavenborn or not but depending which prospective I wanna write her with AAAA, I actually have a fic idea involving her with her spouse and I don't know what the plot is but I do have the readers halo shattering, and it progresses throughout the fic, just it starts with a few cracks here and there before shattering >:]

With felt and flesh, I uh, may have gotten VERY CARRIED AWAY, It's for this one request with a Muppet reader and I would like to state that I cried while writing, and I'm still not done with it because I decided to add more to it, but the reader deals with lost of their identity, and especially being used as a puppet, and going from being flesh and blood to, felt and being an actual Muppet, it does have a happy/bittersweet??? Ending though!

WITH SHADY AAAA, another song fic, I heard this song from the great Gatsby musical and my brain IMMEDIATELY went "OVERLORD HUSK." I think I screamed about it in my discord server??

I checked and I very briefly mentioned it, then got distracted by Panini's

I'm pretty sure one of my after fic yaps that I have in my drafts is just about Panini's...

Anyways I'm actually almost done with shady! I just gotta figure out some shenanigans, Husk is low-key a father figure to the reader in this >:]

Speaking of the asformentioned daycare fic I cannot write jealousy for the LIFE OF ME, I am great at writing daycare things through, fun fact! Ages ago I used to write for FNAF security breach, I had a whole fic with OCS, most of them have ironically been recycled, my OCs Cleo and Ezra specifically have become hazbin OCS, one also became one of my Sona/self insert oc's sisters :]

Anyways I need to get that fic out it's almost been a year since it's been requested and that's not good...

I'm so glad you like my writing!!! I canonically do my cooking in a fancy easybake oven >:]

And I hope you like pasta because that's what we're having for dinner tonight but since that's not done yet here's more snippets!!

The daycare fic, a songfic with an Roo/Eve/ Epic the musical's Calypso coded reader >:] and a pierrot clown reader hehehe

And as a bonus some OC fics I have too with some scattered about lore, >:]

I really need to post them because THE THINGS I'VE DONE TO THEM.

I hope you enjoy these snippets 🦋!!!! Have a wonderful day/night!!!

[jadevine]

More acting stuff on exactly HOW American Gods shafted Orlando Jones (and a lot of their minority actors)

I don't know how many of my followers are like... still following me, or if they're just waiting on me to start on a new hyperfixation or update my works, but regarding current events in the fantasy/writing world, the allegations against Neil Gaiman are rocking a lot of people at the moment. Honestly, I'm only SOMEWHAT less upset about it.

You know why? Because I've distanced myself from Gaiman's works/fandoms after hearing how the production team of American Gods treated Orlando Jones, and by extension, a HUGE chunk of the minority cast.

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So it is fairly well-known by now that Orlando Jones started writing parts of the American Gods scripts. The scripts he was rewriting? His character Anansi's scenes, and basically all of the minority actors' scripts.

Given the response to his work (being widely acclaimed), I have no idea if most people realize that an actor taking on SOMEONE ELSE'S WRITING is actually a very bad sign in a production. Yes, even if they're credited like Orlando was, and yes, even if the results are fantastic like Orlando's writing was.

His response to being fired really hurt my heart because he mentioned somewhere that 1) he did not want to end up writing for the show and be responsible for so much, but 2) he kept doing it because the fans (especially the Black community) loved his work.

There are two implications with "an actor taking on writing," that make a nice little "shit is happening behind the scenes" sandwich:

-The actor is taking on an extra job, because

-The writers can't do their jobs.

In one of my Discord groups, I stayed up too late and made half a ramble about why actors doubling up on writing is a bad sign, especially when a non-white actor is rewriting something conceived by white folks.

Now I'm a hopeful theater actor instead of a TV actor, so there's definitely some details I'm missing, but the basics of "what does an actor DO besides memorize the script?" should be a good briefer.

Here are my screenshots behind the "read more" button!

I don't even know how I'd tag this, so I just did "American Gods" and "Bridgerton," but it's not like Tumblr's shitty search function would help me find my own post anyway.

Also, if anyone wants to hear more about my little addition about the OPPOSITE problem, where "Bridgerton's Season 1 had a shitton of unfortunate racial undertones because the writers seem like they just swapped out characters' ethnicities and called it a day, but we know damn well that young, inexperienced, and minority actors don't have the knowledge/freedom to do anything about it," feel free to ask.

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[the-noted-collector]

is Eckil a fae (something of a weird character study post)

Random thought passed around the discord (among other conversation) is that Eckil is fae-coded.

I mean yeah thinking about it, 'strange uncanny human in a moth wing cloak stealing people's bones' sounds pretty much like a fae sighting to be fully honest.

But then I started thinking about it so now we have more thoughts.

The main thought is that Eckil really is just, like, two steps away from being some kind of fae, if they aren't just straight up one already. It sounds weird but I do have points so here we go, mini-essay/character study time. [Upon reflection while writing, a dehumanization warning is likely warrented for the entirety of this writing as it does highly discuss themes of detacting from humanity and explicit seperation. I will also give warnings on mentions of death/killing, mentions of military service/being gone for long periods, commentary on social expectations of the Victorian Era, potentially some discussion of tramua, and general themes of social seperation/detactment/otherness.]

Uncanny

One of the main points here is Eckil's uncanniness. I know I don't post to Tumblr often on it yet (as it comes later in Eckil's Tale then we're at, and I don't usually just post on my ocs here) but thanks to MA developments Eckil has many traits that would be considered uncanny to regular people (more canines, more diamond/rhombus like irises, nails being more akin to claws, overall just...sharper then a human should be).

While it is rooted from MA, and therefore could just be explained as typical Neathy effects of such a study, the specific way it manifests does cause Eckil to seem more akin to something like a fae/changeling or skin-stealer then what often happens when folks change from MA (often becoming more like were-creatures, from what I've seen of some friends). With the potential of further change when they hit MA 7 (and some possible changes soon from hitting 5), I feel it just becomes more likely that they really do end up looking like a fae rather then a human. How MA affects a character's humanity is...up to interpretation, but for Eckil I do think there's a point where it began to seperate them from being fully human.

Something to say on this is also that Eckil actively accepts being inhuman, too. Less a point on them being a fae specifically but it feels important to acknowledge that Eckil does enjoy these changes on a personal standpoint (how they feel on how it makes others view them is...tricky, to say the least, but that's not the point of the post).

Slight Explanation

Another point is..where we start to get into more personality stuff then simply analyzing peligin.

Eckil wants to be seperate from (human) society and it's expectations. While this...arguably isn't a point as to them being a fae, it helps explain some of their actions and feelings, especially towards societal morals and limitations for certain topics (particularly on death and art).

It also makes for a very fragile and strange line when you factor in that Eckil doesn't want to be viewed as not themself. Identity and retaining it is something very important to Eckil, so is the notion that while someone can change they are still the same person. However Eckil's view on being percieved as human is remarkably different (in that they don't care if they are seen as human or something else).

Like I said, this is far less a point for them being a fae, and far more a general explanation of some of the other things I'm gonna bring up, and why they hold some of the views they do.

Viewpoints

Things that don't really factor into either proof of humanity or fae, but feel important to acknowledge as views Eckil has regarding humanity, themself, and morality (particularly due to relevance to the conversation). This will also elaborate some on why Eckil has these viewpoints, which will include references to their past on the Surface and potentially some on their time in the army. Perhaps I'll make another post elaborating on Eckil's life, but for now the references will be as brief as they can understandably be.

• Prior mentioned apathy towards being considered human or other (general thing they picked up from being in the Neath and around humaniod/inhuman folk)

• Prior mentioned apathy/hatred for socialital expectations (this bases some in their experiences of returning from being gone for years and having almost no-one actually listen when they tried to acknowledge that they saw some fucked up things while serving, as well as in being expected to be married and start a family, tying into the next viewpoint mention) [another note here; when they DID finally begin to act different (like expected) and it didn't fall into what people thought was respectable, Eckil did experience a period of being considered bad to be around and became something of a social outcast. Part of why this is hatred, and not simply a dislike or bordering on neutrality]

• Prior mentioned fear towards being considered someone else entirely (once again, based in returning from service and being treated like a entirely different man. Many experiences and shown ideals they expressed before leaving were considered void, and they were expected to act in a entirely different manner, be someone entirely new, and start their own family almost immediately despite this and trying to process everything.)

• Obsession with the human framework, particularly a focus on bones/the notion that humans are marvelous architecture (something that began to be seen early on in the Neath, and likely rooted from Surface experience, that has slowly developed over time, coming to a full realization upon going through Godfall and seeing the Shapeling Arts in full action)

• Change is good, change should be sought, change (particularly a high amount of change) is growth and beauty (this is something that developed during their service, and came into full consideration in the Neath (not that it didn't affect their actions on the Surface, however it factors more when you can literally change your own body parts) [note; Eckil views 'change' and 'developments' as two mostly seperate concepts. Developments are nuanced and can be bad.]

• Death is beautiful (came to light in the Neath after some conversations with the boatman and self-reflection)

• Art can change and be made into new art (this came somewhere inbetween 'death is beautiful' and 'humans are architecture', can't say exactly when)

• Not a viewpoint but a trait that they have yet to acknowledge that skews their mentality around this; Eckil experiences some meshing between themself and inhuman figures (the most prominent example being the Vake during BaL) and therefore has far less qualms around inhumanity. It's due to a few things but important to note as something that happens to them, especially when mental fuckery gets involved.

Actions

Some actions Eckil often takes that could be considered fae-like (or at least something most usual people aren't likely to be doing). Of course, this is mostly of my own analysis and I will have my biases around what is and isn't fae-like; if anyone has a behavior of theirs that I haven't mentioned that they feel could be noteworthy, feel free to say so.

• The whole bonestealing thing. That in general is something a little odd and was part of why I originally began to debate this.

• Connected to this, why they steal bones in the first place (they see it in itself as a art, that can make more art).

• Deliberate use of uncanniness, primarily for hunting or intimidation

• Remarkably casual about things most would consider unnerving or morally wrong (not entirely indicative of being fae-like and not just fucked up, but still) [note: there is some limits to this too.]

• Gets very...antsy about being expected to do something in line with society, regardless on if they would want to on a personal level

• Often simply appears at gatherings, despite being a terrible socializer and disliking encountering new people (admittedly very ????)

• Can be attracted via odd means (often by offering bone or speaking of hunting and murder)

• Despite usual bluntness, becomes very indirect about deals and vows, allowing for easy manipulation of interpretation

And with all that covered...

[holopossums]

.

it's interesting that even while running a discord server for the rottmnt fandom and having modded these servers for 3 years, and becoming admired in the process, i still feel so out of place, so detached, from everyone. i cannot explain well why i feel so different from others, but i'll attempt.

the thing is, i don't know if it's my age, my vibe, my specific interests, or what. but i just am very different from basically everyone i've met in the fandom, and i wish it wasn't so. i wish i could seamlessly blend in rather than my entire existence as a fan feeling like i'm going against the grain all of the time.

i feel like i struggle against the fanon-obsessed folks to tell my own stories, have my own ideas and designs, without fanon (or quite frankly even bonus canon facts revealed years later) being shoved down my throat. the way that other people sometime impose ideas that others made onto me, or try to decide things about my own AU and stories and art for me, is quite honestly ridiculous. i wish others weren't so intrusive.

i also get scared of my ideas BEING the fanon. it's so flattering and nice when people love what i make. but i worry when other people take other fan's ideas as fact, you know? in all seriousness, i'm not here to change anyone's mind, i'm just here to put forth my own ideas that are hopefully appreciated.

another issue is that i'm admired but occasionally not treated like a person or am misunderstood. to some i'm just another AU, more art and writing to consume, but i'm not a real person behind it with thoughts and feelings. to others, i'm an intimidating figure and not just an average guy who likes to play around with cartoon characters like dolls.

in the same vein of not being treated much like a person, some people act like it's okay to take from me or not give credit and i won't be hurt by it. but that's wrong, i'm hurt by it just as much as any other fan would be. i love sharing a lot and i feel so happy when people ask, when people just mention me or link me.

because i'm older and more mature, lots of younger people think odd things about me. in my own spaces off Tumblr like on Discord, i get assigned as a dad for jokes just because of my vibe, and i play along with it because it's fun to goof around and act the part. but i worry a bit often about that joke going too far. in reality i am very young and not parent-like. i've only lived three decades. that's young. and while i do like to be responsible over younger people by being a teacher/mentor because i like to feel like i'm helping and making a difference in others' lives, i'm hardly parental.

but i have been taken from or imposed on.

even my own version of Casey Jr., Krow, the one character i'm most known for... that character was once taken from me by an ex-friend who deliberately chose to hurt me when i told them not to use or write my character considering so many parts of Krow are original ideas. but they did so anyway out of malice toward me.

in a fit of rage, people have threatened to take and use my OCs and "get more popular than me", which btw is a very unhinged thing to say.

i've had much younger people want to be horny about my versions of characters, like Future Ace (Leo), before i even decided on Future Ace's romantic/sexual preferences and availability. and they got mad at me when i set boundaries and told them that i'd rather them not be horny about my version of Leo. this was especially considering that, even though they were a legal adult, they were still a decade younger than me and attempting to elicit sexual information or sexual scenarios about a character out of me. it crossed my personal boundaries. even if they're legal, i don't write smut or smutty things with people so young. i personally don't write smut with people who are under, ehh, about the age of 23 or so. my comfort zone varies a bit, but i just like people to be closer to my age than the age of a high schooler if that makes sense. i had to stop that stuff from happening, and in return... i was lied about.

in fact, i have been lied about by a concerning amount of people in this fandom, including former friends, just because they were mad that they didn't get what they wanted from me and didn't get their way. i once received an accusation of "omg he supports a pedo/groomer and is a bad person" from a kid who had zero evidence and had facts wrong about the other. the child accuser refused to listen and would continue spreading lies with no evidence, trying to use it to get what they wanted. and when i refused to play along, i'd become a target too. it's so terrible considering that underage sexual content is a big, real, and important issue in the fandom. but many younger folk don't take it seriously and choose to hurt adults over it who are literally just standing there, all because the younger person has something to gain by accusing that adult.

i've also been called ableist a lot merely for expecting adults who i knew to act like adults - to listen, cooperate, and work with me to solve a problem rather than refusing to communicate or cooperate. and this was a reasonable expectation either because they were a fellow mod and we should work together as a team, or they were a member of a server i owned/modded and they needed to listen to me. i was understanding and patiently waited on those people to get their act together. they wouldn't because they had no intention on working with me on important issues. so i either had to let them go as friends or as members of my server, or they would cut me off first. it has happened with multiple people. and it's unfair that i work so hard to be so kind, understanding, and patient throughout the process only to get slapped and kicked around with lies and insults afterward.

overall - and it feels so bad to say it because i typically think of myself, someone quite a bit older, as someone that this doesn't happen to - but i think i've been bullied a lot by kids and young adults in this fandom. i've been through hell and back and i deserved none of it. me choosing to share my ideas, AU designs and stories, OCs, etc. is an act of bravery in the face of all that i've gone through. me choosing to continue to be in this fandom is, in itself, an act of bravery.

the people who hurt me in the past thankfully aren't anywhere near me, and a few of them aren't even all that active in the fandom anymore.

it kind of just hurts all the more when my ideas, AU designs and stories, and OCs are sometimes disrespected, or other people want to choose things for me or impose things on me or take from me. it sucks that i struggle even while i'm just generally keeping to myself in my own corner. haven't i been through enough?

i'm not even one who seeks much attention, i hate the spotlight. there's a reason my fursona is an opposum. when i get too overwhelmed or anxious, especially when attention is on me, i "play dead" and avoid interaction, laying low until it passes. i've been in the fandom for years without much attention. i was just shoved into the spotlight by accident simply because i made joking, shocked commentary about the canon age of a character that was apparently news to everyone so many heard it from me first via my silly little comic. that post exploded and suddenly i was perceived by a lot of people.

i feel detached from others in this fandom because i have a lot of ideas that are a bit different because i really don't follow fanon or really even canon. i don't tend to look inside the fandom for inspiration, i look outside it. and i struggle to have my ideas respected and not imposed on, altered, or taken. i've also been through so much, i've been through hell and back, just to continue being here.

but my passion to create tends to trump whatever anxieties i have. so typically i create something, post it, then run and hide. i get a lot of satisfaction out of the attention and recognition later when things have died down, but not in the moment.

maybe my art blog isn't a "proper" place to vent about all this, especially considering that it's so much and i'm typically not personal here at all. but it's also the place where i share my own ideas as a fan and artist/writer, so i think it's relevant. i'm just so tired of struggling with this fandom to just peacefully exist and create what i want without other people imposing on me or just bullying when they don't get their way.

[countercharmda]

okay! so, i've mentioned it a couple of times, but i think sometime this week i will be doing some cleanup here. ( expect this around december 1st. ) this will include my inbox, my drafts, my posts, my likes, and my follower count. i will probably also be changing my url to the new one i have saved then! it's gonna be very fun and nifty.

the short of it is that i will be softblocking ( or hardblocking, if preferred ) folks who have not expressed interest in writing ic or chatting ooc. if you just got here and are panicking for xyz reason? worry not! here is my interest tracker if you're a bit too nervous to reach out ooc. this meme is also good, if you would like me to come up with some ideas! ( i will hopefully get to these in a timely manner ). and of course, if this feels too much like an ultimatum or a stressor for you, then you are genuinely more than welcome to softblock ( or hardblock ) me and continue on with your day. please curate your space! NOTE: neither of these are required if we are already talking or plotting ooc!

the long of it...will be under the cut, because i am ultimately feeling a little bit rambly.

i've been trying to figure out how to approach my larger following of people who have not reached out to me, and i think this is a good start. i've only been in this rpc for two months and so much i feel like has happened already, and one of the best things to come from it is watching this turn into...more of a community if that makes sense. i like seeing what all is going on with my mutuals and stuff on the dash. i'm aware this is a very chronically online take, but in my defense i have been...chronically online since i have been a child, and i don't believe in dismissing online friendships. i like having people to send memes to in discord dms and tumblr ims, i like feeling like i can talk to people. as mentioned in m a n y posts on this blog, i'm a chatty guy! this is why i mention that i won't cut a mutual if we're not writing ic, because i think talking ooc is just as important -- if not more, sometimes.

simultaneously, though, i find myself feeling anxious about being overlooked or forgotten. this is an insecurity i've had for my whole life. while i'm more confident nowadays that i am, in fact, the shit, i still don't want to feel this way in a hobby -- and i don't want any of my mutuals to feel this way, either. i think that if i cut my follower count down and shift my priorities in this way, then it'll help lessen this feeling for both parties.

i also want to stress that this is a hobby, and i do not want anyone to feel like they owe me anything ic or ooc. i work a hectic job, i have chores to do, and i might even be going back to college in january. there will always be real life obligations that are more important than writing blorbos on the internet. i will never intentionally make you feel guilty for not having the spoons to reach out to me. if you still uncomfortable with this post or this change, that is completely okay, and i encourage you to softblock ( or hardblock ) me. i want you to feel comfortable enough to have fun!

[markthecrtmonitor]

General Update - 1/20/2024

Hey y'all, figured I'd do a little text update of sorts since I probably won't be super active for a while.

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(Streaming Update)

My new job & college are really kicking my ass despite it being the first week of both. I haven't settled into a routine quite yet and am incredibly exhausted by the end of my shift, so it's been hard to get things like art done or just the usual mental processes I need to do in general.

Due to this, I realistically can't do a stream schedule at this point in time like I tried to do earlier in the year, so I'm just gonna continue with the sporadic streams at random times. With the exception of any collab streams I might do with friends.

Y'all might see me around in other folks streams and stuff on occasion, but really I can't keep up with everything right now till I'm settled down in a new routine.

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(Woeridge + Art Centric Updates)

For the sake of my mental and physical well-being, I'm probably going to stay on hiatus from the comic for a little longer until my routine is steady and I have proper time to focus on it. I just really don't want to overload myself.

This also applies to me posting just little doodles and stuff. Or at least it sort of does? I might do some small super rough doodles here and there and post them, but there's a super low chance of me posting completed pieces and stuff of that nature until things settle down. Don't expect much.

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(General Updates)

I'm just gonna list these off in semi-vague bullet points because I don't want to get too into detail with them.

Health is fine minus the usual bits. But I'm figuring it out.

I've mentioned this in passing a few times, but I'm trying to get more serious about my strongman routine. Might post more about it if I feel comfy with it.

The creatures are fine if anyone is curious about them. They have been getting many pets and treats.

Thinking about starting my tattoo sleeve soon, just trying to decide on where I want my first tattoo to be.

I have a throne now. But y'all will have to find it on your own. (thank you again @blawnk for funding spiderbong and milk rock, you're too nice)

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Don't really have much else to say right now. If you have my discord I'll probably be quicker to respond on the weekends than weekdays. With the exception of Saturday mornings. I'm gonna be honk-shoo-mimimimimi up in my bed until noon.

Take care of yourselves. Hydrate, eat, sleep, etc. If you see me you see me and if you don't you don't.