#but i've had these lyrics on my mind for weeks now in this context

[sadgayeddie]

I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours? Can I be yours? Just tell me I'm yours

[jmdbjk]

Make assumptions and get the wrong idea. Please. That's what he said.

My brain listening to Who:

(on the beat of course)

Sorry for the brain porn but that's how my brain feels when I hear Jimin's vocals. The runs, the ad libs, the highs, lows, and in-betweens, the breathing, especially the breathing. Especially in the 4K version of the Tonight Show performance posted on BangtanTV.

For many years now I've been wanting to hear Jimin let 'er rip on a big song and FINALLY! FINALLY!

FINALLY!

I started to jot down my interpretations of Who but you know what? no one needs yet another analyzation of the song, the lyrics, the MV, the belt sharing, the ... but one thing I need to point out... Ryan's Vintage Clothes is definitely a nod to Ryan Gosling don't you think? (just kidding sorta)

A ton of people have given their dissertations on what they think it all means. All I know is Jimin has that MAGIC and he is FLEXING big time.

This is my favorite shot from the most recent promo image drop on Weverse. I have always dissented when Jimin would say his left side is his best side. No sir. It's your right side.

The entire Muse album is a complete mind-bender for me. He came up with the ideas and themes and what he couldn't do on his own, he explained to all the people helping him in order to create his vision...

PDogg said this in an interview: "I also believe the experience of collaborating with various producers and songwriters in LA and NY gave Jimin the opportunity to further explore his limitless potential."

Minseong Kim (Performance Director): "When we were working together, I saw Jimin putting a lot of thought into delivering the song's choreography as a visual art form. He uses his detailed expressions to convey various artistic elements in the performance beyond simply presenting stylish, energetic choreography. He is always devoted to emphasizing the artistic elements of the performance by forming a visceral connection to it. I believe that his commitment and passion has shaped Jimin's unique style and allows him to deliver one of the most exciting performances in pop music."

and:

"We had countless discussions about how to visually articulate the story and message of the song through the performance on a larger scale, in a manner that's true to the song's title Who. When the choreography was completed Jimin was utterly pleased with the performance having all the elements he had wished to incorporate."

You can read the entire VMAGAZINE article here.

Regarding the other songs on the album, in MiniMoniMusic Exchange, Jimin mentioned that Rebirth was his favorite track. I do love it too, Jimin. The heartbeat, the poignancy. Perfection.

And I have to compare Be Mine to Seven. In Jungkook's Seven, the explicit version was so very literal and so in your face it was funny, even the MV added to the unserious vibe of it all.

But in Jimin's, Be Mine, he has probably the most erotic lyric I've ever heard coming out of the mouth of a Tannie: "... a hot island, a party with just the two of us; I know what you want and baby I want the same; love ‘til the morning; we just keep fallin’... baby come, baby come; show me what, show me what love is, yeah yeah; melt me hot, hot, hot quickly"

I am streaming all the versions of all the songs and album. I absolutely love it.

Now that I got that out of my system...

It's been about a year (??!?!?) since Jungkook's Only Fans debut live stream. Time is flying.

We are anticipating gaining more context soon surrounding exactly what went down between them the prior two weeks to this live and what did Jimin mean when he said he "can handle it? (Are you sure you wanna know?)

There is a high possibility we might get some jikook carpool karaoke.

The main trailer drops Monday. Hold on to your ... whatever it is you hold on to when you get shook because I'm sure it'll be another earthquake on the timeline.

All lyrics translations credit: © 2024 by Learn Korean With Sel www.learnkoreanwithsel.com/

[keets-writing-corner]

I meant to go further with this. lost the brain juice for it, so this is as much as I'll do tbh. Sorry for it's rough nature I had 0 intentions of putting too much effort into this, I knew I didn't want to waste too much time on this so this is what I cranked out in the short amount of time I allowed myself to work on this

Song is "Go" from the gatsby musical

Rant/context below the cut

okay so like, the gatsby musical released it's soundtrack like idk 8 months ago? probably more tbh, I'm too lazy to check dates atm

Gatsby's actor? JEREMY JORDAN, aka Lucifer's va. After the OST was released I was like "surely there will be animatics featuring Lucifer with this any day now" and then nothing happened. Cue like last week and I was like "HOW HAS NOBODY MADE ANYTHING??? GO IS SUCH THE PERFECT SONG FOR SPLITTING UP WITH ADAM OR WHATEVER" and I just kept imagining this whole animatic in my mind, furious that nobody's made it yet, and said "screw it, I know how to draw and make animations on krita. Time to row this boat myself"

So I just began roughing out the chunk of the song I was most invested in until I ran out of motivation to work on it. AKA no longer for fun/pleasure, it'd feel like an obligation, and I've got too many other things I want to work on MORE than an animatic so yeah this is what came out of it. It's rushed, sorry. I have no intentions of cleaning it up, making it go longer or anything, but I needed to get it out of my head for some piece of mind be able to work on other projects XD

Anyways: here are the lyrics for this section in particular, I'll be using the musical's names tho

Gatsby: We don't have to run Gatsby: We're going to face him Gatsby: We'll tell him it's over and leave him behind

Gatsby: We don't have to hide Daisy: You know that I love you Gatsby: to see that's it's over Daisy: Did I say I love you? Daisy: I love you let's go! Daisy: Before I change my mind

Gatsby: If we don't go now Daisy: We might never know Daisy and Gatsby: If we don't go now we might never know Daisy: What this could be Gatsby: What this could be Daisy: Who we really are Gatsby: Who we really are both: gooooooooo

anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk, sorry this is unfinished and rough, I literally have so many other priorities rn, especially getting my webcomic ready to start posting in march so here

take it TAKE IT

TAKE MY SHITTY ANIMATIC

[paperlovesadness]

I saw the Arctic Monkeys live... Almost two weeks ago now (crazy) and it did in fact take me this long to recover enough to write this. So here's some thoughts:

❄️🧊🐒🐒🐒🐒🧊❄️

Well first of all - context - it was a festival. And really not only was it a festival - it was my first festival. And not only was it my first festival - it was really my first live show of a band I cared for and listened to and specifically came to see. (I'm not a babeh nor a babby - I just listen to a lot of dead & retired musicians and AM was my first chance at a live gig that I really wanted to see). So this was like... Super special of an experience to me.

more context: I stood... Many many hours in the spot I secured almost as soon as I walked onto the festival grounds. And therefore saw them from second row. Up close. And... I'd do it again in a heartbeat (but it definitely isn't for everyone and please don't take this as advice and listen to what you yourself know about your body's limits).

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

✨Thoughts & feelings & observations✨ :

I've been fully validated in my love for TBHC & The Car.

I can now confidently say that I adore them as albums and also that they are show stealers to me personally in their live versions. They absolutely hold up live.

Listen - yes - the heavier more traditional rock albums full-on destroy live - and I definitely would've cried if I didn't get to hear the classics at my show. I jumped and screamed the lyrics and danced and played out the lyrics. But the songs I got from TBHC and TC? They HIT the most, emotionally.

Maybe it's because both of these albums are in my top 3 of the Monkeys albums in general - or maybe it's because Alex just resonates with them more currently therefore being able to emotionally invest more into them and then that coming across and affecting me. I don't know. I think it's both. And when Sculptures came around... PHEW

Which brings me to: Sculptures like absolutely destroyed me the most of the whole setlist -and I definitely wasn't expecting it.

It's not even my favorite song on The Car (though of course it is up there. And it also was the biggest WOW SHOCK for me on my first album listen). But something about his voice during that song. The emotions. The instrumentals. And the echo they had over all of it... Jeez, it was all just very intense.

Four out of Five.

Not a complete fan of the new arrangement... Because I worship TBHC in it's original form - but even so - that song still slaps in any form. And you best believe I was out there screaming all the verses like there's no tomorrow. It hurt my teeny tiny heart that this is now the lone setlist survivor off TBHC. But that just made me clutch it even harder and fully give myself to the moment. (TBHC we will avenge you!)

I think I just straight up dissociated at Do I Wanna Know.

Maybe I'm a basic bitch of a fan - but I WORSHIP that song and riff - and It was just such a symbol for me of getting to see them live. I imagined the moment he enters with his beautiful 12-string vox SO many times. And when the time came I just sort of... I didn't know what to do with myself. I sang along and tried focusing and registering it all - but it was too much; too much pressure on myself too - so my mind just seemingly floated away.

Generally the whole thing was such a hugely important event for me that I had trouble registering it as real and felt a bit "mind-floaty" through it all - but that memory is just THE BLURRIEST of them all. So you can say it's an intense experience witnessing that classic live 😂

Witnessing the whole process live made me realize just how exhausted the whole gang must be.

The night before I - of course - scoured all social media for info about their arrival and set up - and so I saw all the little info about them flying in, their bus and their equipment truck arriving, all that. Then I got a report from how the soundcheck went around noon. And since I stood 7 hours in my secured spot I also saw the entire setup process with so many roadies running around. Allll that contex kind of... Gave me a good feel for the time that goes into this. Time and work and travel - all of that for a 1,5 hour live show - and then on they go to the next. Let's please appreciate artists and understand when they do seem a little off. Touring seems like an energetic nightmare (and especially for introverts).

Speaking of roadies... I wasn't building too many expectations stage design-wise. And the EFFORT surprised me so positively.

So basically - I knew Glasto had the mirroball and all the bells and whistles. But we weren't as important of a festival. So there was no way of knowing. I truly full on expected a bare stage. For months I'd watch clips of their other shows and think "ah. Too bad we don't get the mirroball moment". I came to terms with it months in advance - and then when someone posted a blurry photo of the mirroball showing up I was in shock. I love how much this whole team cares. It isn't a simple task driving all these props around and setting them up - the ball, the ring, the lights, the curtains in the themed Car color palette. I very much wouldn't blame them for having a "light" version for festivals in particular - when the roadies have like 30-45 minutes to set everything up right after the previous act ends. But no - there's a vision and they stick to it consequently and they don't differentiate between types of shows. No compromises - 100% of what they've got. It's honestly just beautiful to me.

Alex was... So mobile.

He fully pranced around that stage in his little heeled boots (!!!) doing his little gags and knocking over microphone stands with the cord of his guitar. He made sure to cover the whole stage and acknowledge all sides of the crowd - and come back and give us all attention a few times throughout the show. And I love him for it.

Alex is completely mesmerizing.

Okay - I say that as a person who's completely in love with his mind and talent (and... the packaging... ain't bad 👀) - so I get I'm not a very reliable source. But guys... That kid is magic (I say as if he's not 9 years older than me) (he's still babygirl though) He just is. He grabs your attention with his energy and doesn't let go until you've let him out of your sight (not of your own accord). Disappears behind that curtain.

I tried checking up on the other boys through the show - Nick managed to hide at an angle that kept him pretty invisible to me, unfortunately :c. Matt was killing it - and I loved noticing how Jamie just... Sways back and forth. But listen - even when I meant to look towards them more during the show - my brain just completely didn't allow it.

(And yeah. I get that's the role of the frontman. But... Guess the thing is he just does it so well. It didn't come naturally to him - as we know. It takes a lot out of him probably each time. But the energy is just there. And he could stand all night long and just sing and I'd still be mystified).

I already fangirled internally like crazy when I saw their guitars being set up and tuned.

And then during the show - I caught myself guessing what songs they were gonna play based on the guitars Alex was picking up. And just being weirdly proud of myself.

Also... The Epiphone Coronet looks so tiny live? I don't know. But it seemed that way - and isn't a tiny guitar for a tiny kitten just the cutest thing?

I missed my moment 😪.

Which really wasn't too big of a potential moment - but between songs people would shout titles of songs they want to play - and you know. It was usually AM or maybe FWN stuff. And during one of those moments I felt an overwhelming urge to shout "Perfect Sense". You know... To show that fans are indeed also excited about the actual album this tour is about. I ended up deciding against it - and literally like two seconds later Alex picks up his acouie and announces Perfect Sense. I sensed that. I could've had Alex Turner knowing I sensed that. But alas. I ended up just enjoying it in peace 🥲.

I won't take any interaction-themed slander.

I feel like people who are used to a lot of band interactions often speak ill of Alex and think he's an ungrateful frontman. Which - well first of all is bullshit because I don't believe artists need to be saying a word - it's the music you pay for. But secondly - he may not be saying much - but the energy he exudes and the sincere way he says things... Well it says it all. I feel like you have to be there to feel that energy and understand - but to me it was palpable that he was grateful for the enthusiasm, happy to perform and generally very emotionally invested in everything he was doing.

And then he thanked us and sent kisses our way multiple times too. And called us a beautiful audience (stop it Alexander! We're blushing!)

His shennanigans!

He seemed very happy to have a runway to get onto and use for his bowling shtick (I feel like he immediately got excited seeing that stage at soundcheck probably when he realized he could use it in that way).

There were no birds around to control - but there was the weather. So he did in fact ask the skies to "turn up that wind machine" as it started blowing and made him look like a vision during Sculptures (guys, truly. Sculptures live is insane. I'll repeat it forever). (🎶 Those words don't mean a thing where I come from, but I'll sing them forever 🎶) (I'm sorry, I had to).

All the little over-the-top faces he makes to enact the lyrics are a bit too adorable and almost made my heart burst.

Like... The "wah wah" crying one at "I feel the tears are coming on"? What a geek.

(but then also... Who hurt you 👀 it definitely makes Body Paint seem even more bitter and like it's a jab at someone).

And then - if you've made it here - one last thing I'll share with you - a very important screenshot of my notes app where I quickly started scribbling my fleeting thoughts in the days following the show:

And I think that's the best way to sum up what one feels seeing the Man the Legend the Genius the Poet Alexander Turner in the flesh for the very first time.

[theendofuno]

Dune x Jackpot Sad Boy >:3

had this idea on my mind and had to draw it lol

for a little context:

sand planet was a birthday song for miku and it was basically hachi saying that the fandom was dead and no one cared anymore for miku

and then a few years later stronger than ever syudou popped up with jackpot sad girl and was like nuh uh and just mocked hachi's lyrics lol

i remembered out of nowhere and was like. omg uno!!! and sieg!!! sieg imagining that the highlanders generation ended and uno's like nuh uh old man

(and i wanted a reason to call sieg a idiot)

anyway anyway sorry for disappearing for a whole week and not saying anything. lifes getting worse everyday and a bunch of things happened in a small amount of time, tldr; psychosis, got better, got sick, was choking up on my own blood and unable to sleep; got better now

sorry for not answering any reblogs or asks i promise i read them all im just. too shaugiuasgbiuhsagd for it ;( thanks for keeping up with me guys!!

OH ALSO THE ANIMATION IS DONE. not really cuz panela's going to edit it but I'VE FINISHED ALL THE FRAMES and im so proud of myself...sobs......

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

Ahh you got me all excited when I saw your poll about sh2 music bc I literally just gave a lecture about it last week. So pls let me yap a lil about it.

I was subbing for a musical interpretation class (that’s the literal translation, idk if it’s called another way in English) and the whole objective of the subject is to sensitize the students on how music can tell whole stories without the need of lyrics, only sounds and silences.

I used the tracks of Magdalene and Magdalene’s elusive lament (the one from the remake) as an exercise for the students. Long story short I made them listen to them in class and had a conversation about what it made them feel. The majority felt a sense of anxiety with the one from the og while the one from the remake made them feel a little more at ease even though they’re kinda similar. Magdalene just has this sense of rushing and discomfort even though the notes played are not that dissonant.

Also I love that in Magdalene’s elusive lament at the last part of the track there’s a shift in the key of the piano, it’s playing the same motif on a higher key along with follow ups of the lower key the track has been using throughout the whole song. It almost feels like a conversation. In my mind it’s like a conversation in between Mary and James and it evokes in me kinda nostalgia yet tension, a lot of yearning too. Only for it to end with the higher keys in a repetition being cut off by a slightly more dissonant chord by the lower key. Like James abruptly ending Mary…

It really is beautiful and a reason why I’m so in love with Akira Yamaoka work. The amount of story telling and emotions he captures in his songs is incredible. Like I feel like a big reason why the theme of Laura track is a favorite is bc it feels nostalgic even if you haven’t heard it before. I just love it.

Enough yapping, I’ll stop right here bc I can keep going for paragraphs and paragraphs. sorry for this long ass ask

i had to go listen to each of them twice and i'm still thinking about it! this is so cool! i can tell that the two songs are different but i couldn't tell why (i wasn't a music major or anything), and now hearing it w this context it's like oooooo ! like at first i just noticed that the piano sounds way more prominent/clearer in magdalene's elusive lament and it feels the notes drag into each other in a different way?? if that makes sense?? but your comment about the higher notes being mary and the lower notes being james in conversation is so like, i can totally see it !! amazing!! i'm in love with this and i wish i could've been in this class. i only discovered silent hill w the remake of 2 (and have gone back and played 1-3 og since), so i've only been a fan since october (but akira yamaoka was still my top artist for 2024 lol)

and theme of laura is my favorite too and you're so right about it feeling nostalgic. i really like promise as well, but i actually think i like the new version of that one better than the og bc of that one part around 2:55 that goes heavy on the guitar (i've decided that i think i like og theme of laura tho). i feel like both songs sound nostalgic for me.

there's something about silent hill theme that just gives me like 10 different emotions, like i'm in a horror movie and a spa simultaneously - idk if you have any thoughts on that one, but i'm so mad that album isn't on spotify

anyway, thank you so much for sharing!! this was so interesting and fun to read!! i'm prob going to show my friend who is a music teacher these songs and ask her about them!!

[hexenmond]

gushing about Friday's Engin concert

So I was on the fence about going to this concert for weeks, but long story short, I'm SO GLAD I WENT! 😍

Engin are a German-Turkish band hailing from Mannheim, which isn't very far from where I live, and on Friday they were playing in Reutlingen, which REALLY isn't far. And they were freakin' fantastic! This video snippet is the solo part of "Stillgelegte Tränen" (roughly translatable as "discontinued tears"), and I hope it shows at least a little just what a wonderful live act they are.

So yeah, I came home from that experience with the clear intention to really go out to concerts more (and maybe the theatre) from now on. I hadn't been in ages, and that's a mistake! It was so lovely to spend some two hours dancing and swaying, watching and listening to three fabulous musicians really rock it, and also I was super proud whenever I caught a Turkish word I understood.

Something that struck me at the beginning when the drums started playing – I don't think I've ever heard a drumset sound so, hm, musical. I mean drums usually file as percussion, and their sound to me is closer in range to "noise" than to "melody". But the sound of these drums sure had a sort of full-bodied, richly tonal quality that I found amazing.

In contrast, the bass started out more hard and metallic (the bassist was playing with a pick most of the time) – however, both sounds changed during the concert and during later songs the bass was much more mellow (also played without a pick for a bit). I'm not sure how much of that was influenced by the sound technician, but I believe it entirely possible that these three fabulous musicians just have that range of tone.

Oh and the lyrics! Much of Engin's original songs are in German, but they did play a lot of Turkish songs as well, and I don't know how many of those were traditional or covers and how many were their own. I did love all of them and the singer gave a little context for many of the songs which was lovely, and like I said, I was so proud of myself whenever I understood a word. And I should add that I didn't understand half of the lyrics in German either! (too fast, too much music going on, lyrics too out of context to catch it all) Their song lyrics generally lean towards poetry, which I personally love but isn't always easy to understand when you hear it for the first time.

There was one song that was about growing up in between between languages, between cultures, between homes, something I can relate to a bit because of my half English heritage (I had a few teenage years where I was totally out of sorts and wishing I'd grown up on the British isles instead of Germany). It's not entirely the same of course. My ear caught four words – "blond genug für Sympathie" ("blond enough for sympathy"), and I thought, oh wow. White passing privilege and on the flip side, never being fully at home and welcome anywhere, in four simple words.

Anyway! You know, I woke up on Saturday morning at around half past four, my mind racing with the whole experience and I lay awake thinking about what I was going to write until about six, when I fell asleep again 😄 and now it's Sunday evening and my brain has shut up a little. But I'm still writing this because a) I want the world to know about this wonderful band, and b) I want to get back into the practice of writing regularly. I have this five part, long form fanfiction that I WILL finish!

So here's some links for all of you who are interested in super danceable tunes, multicultural music and lyrics, and/or absolutely rocking sound:

Engin's website (in German only, sorry, but you can just click on the videos)

my absolute favourite song in German: Echt ("genuine")

my absolute favourite song in Turkish: Gurbet ("foreign place", very melancholic)

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I know you always struggle to write about Suga Bpp but I'd really appreciate a review from you for D-day.

Sincerely, a follower who loves the space you make here.

Thank you for focusing on the music in the middle of the madness. I struggle with this a lot, but your posts always help.

Pls review D-day in any way you like or in that way you always do.

***

I'm losing my mind.

This album has put me in a high that hasn't come down since release. Overall, I rate the album a 9/10. I won't really get into the lyrics (Yoongi never minces words), but will tell you why exactly I think Yoongi is insane.

(Tsk... a problem)

We should all thank Yoongi. If I had his address I'd send him flowers and my nudes (me sitting pretty in a bucket of tangerines), for the blessing, the honour, the gift of J-hope Jay spitting the coldest bars of his entire career on HUH?!

His delivery??

Jesus.

Jung Hoseok, the man you fucking are.

There's no Korean rapper in the history of rap who has spit sicker bars, delivered so cold it feels like he just ripped eyeballs clean out their sockets.

(Son couilles est lourde)

HUH?! is the best song on the album

See, up until now, BTS had never done drill. And a part of me was always grateful because even on harmless boom bap beats, they been cutting niggas left and right. But Yoongi went there. On D-DAY, he went there. And Lord is it a revelation. Nobody should be surprised that D-DAY is now the highest selling rap album, in history. Yoongi is the first rapper to sell a million albums in a day in history. Not k-rap, not in Asia, but globally in the history of the genre - that was done by Min Yoongi with Jung Hoseok whipping up guts served cold on a platter.

If you're vegetarian or vegan I'm so sorry but this album is not for you. Because this album, HUH?! in particular, is an exhibit of cadavers split open and Hobi's delivery is of a man who didn't even bother washing his hands after doing what needed to be done. A man who doesn't feel a speck of remorse for the corpses left in his wake. Hobi's flow on HUH?! is psychotic. And think about what it means to have Hobi on a song like this to begin with. Yoongi said he hadn't done the genre before, and he trusted Hobi - who initially learned from Namgi but very quickly developed his own flavour and skills enough to earn the respect of his idol - Yoongi trusted his brother on that track and that alone nearly brings me to tears.

Then Yoongi follows it with Amygdala and I start actually crying.

(This was me on my third listen.)

Amygdala is the standout song on this album

The transition from drill rap to soothing acoustic trap is so beautiful, it alters your mind. It's so seamless. Everything about Amygdala cements Yoongi's genius as a force to be reckoned with among the greats.

(I love them)

When Yoongi showed Jimin this song in SOOP around the time he made it, he said he went through wild mood swings making it. And you hear it in his voice. When he screams so wildly he uses autotune to distort it, almost temper it, for our sakes and to drive home the point. The point being his pain, how overwhelming it was, how he decided to intentionally pull those memories out to process them. And he lets us hear the result. He lets us see the compassion he shows himself in that song.

Y'all...

*

Snooze

Yoongi's writing is the reason I fell in love with him. Just by the way. An Anon asked me this question almost 11 months ago now and I never responded, but Anon if you're reading this now, this is the answer to your ask. Yoongi's writing is what I think cemented him as my bias.

Have you heard/read the lyrics for Snooze yet? I cried when I first heard them. To think Yoongi made this for his brothers, for his juniors, for his fans, for anyone whoever hears it, for himself... that brought me to tears.

Repurposing the lyrics from So Far Away...

(I've been a mess since Friday)

With the context of the tragedy of the last week, I can't help but weep. I really hope these artists get the support they need, I hope the wider k-pop fandom quickly recognizes what is actually at stake here, and I hope you remember to always take care of yourself.

*

Woosung's voice on this track is perfection.

When it comes to vocalists, Yoongi has a type. It's my type as well, vocalists with a voice made for haunting rock anthems. The best examples being Jimin, Taka from ONE OK ROCK, Tyler from Twenty One Pilots, Adora, and now we can add Woosung from The Rose to the list.

The thing that gets me with BTS, is they could drop the pantie dropper album of the century and they'd still have substance to them. You don't get Ryuichi Sakamoto on your album, in his final years no less, if you haven't got a decent bit of substance to you.

Snooze is yet another song on the album that reminds us of the evolution of Agust D. It reminds us of why we're at this point, where we are in the timeline of his growth. It reminds us of why we should join him on the other side.

He doesn't let us languish too long in the feeling though, before moving to SDL - that groovy, sexy number that surprises me with how much I like it every time it comes up in my playlist.

[ I'm starting to ramble so I'll just say Adora on SDL makes me think they should get together.

The track is so good and Adora undeniably is the magic ingredient. And if we're being honest, Adora is his best female feature/adliber. We all know it. I'm just selfish and shameless enough to voice the desire we all have that they should always make music together. ]

*

Haegeum is where he repeats the pattern but we never learn if he's broken the cycle

I'll try to be ultra brief here.

Agust D is born of the anger, hatred, and pain Yoongi feels when looking at the world and at himself. He expresses his struggle with self-loathing, insecurity and greed in Agust D. Haegeum, meaning both to lift a ban, to say what had been suppressed, and a traditional Korean instrument he loves - Haegeum is the resolution before he reaches the acceptance he shows in People Pt 2. We hear Yoongi brutally criticize himself and his society while dissecting the system to get down to the root of what really ails us. K-pop stans have predictably made a ruckus about his lyrics referring to capital. And their criticisms yet again show why few people take k-pop and its fans seriously. Because exactly none, zero, zilch, not a single one of their criticisms are rational once the whole verse is viewed in full.

*

Haegeum is very much a read of himself as it is of anyone else. He confronts the shadow of him that represents those vices, and kills him. But just as it was in Daechwita, we don't know if that shadow will remain dead. Although in Haegeum it's clear Yoongi has grown and whatever shadow that remains is closer to Suga in likeness than Agust D, we don't know if the cycle is permanently broken. And that is how it is for all of us. We have to continue to evolve, to confront more complex versions of our shadows, each time better reconciling who we are to who we want to be, perfecting our characters.

Haegeum is a visual feast, somehow more vivid than Daechwita which is really saying something. It reminds me of Hong Kong neo noir films. It's cool Yoongi wrote the storyboard for the MV himself.

And as I've said before, Yoongi is messy killer. When I said this about him last year I got some of his akgaes in my inbox saying I should stop smearing the man. Lol. If you had any doubt before, after Haegeum it should be crystal clear.

He could murder you with chopsticks and look good doing it. Honestly, only Yoongi can tear down capitalism as well as Karl Marx does, looking 1,000x better.

*

*

In D-Day, SUGA gracefully ends the trilogy of Agust D. Yoongi has told this story of his wrestle with his greed, his anger and hatred, over the last 7 years, and his honesty and graciousness in how he concludes it in D-Day deserves a standing ovation.

I strongly encourage everyone to read Yoongi's Thanks To on the album. I'll post an English translation from Twitter below:

Credit: @/btsbaragi_jk

His sense of humour is one of my favourite things about him.

*

Yoongi has created a masterpiece. He worked so hard and it shows. His vocals on the album alone have elevated D-DAY to one of the best releases this decade. You can hear how much he has grown as an artist to the point I dare say he no longer has any obvious weaknesses. The impeccable production on D-DAY is a given. And to think he finished most of the album in 2020, but chose to wait for the rest of the guys to find their feet, for them all to decide on the timing for Chapter 2, to think he waited that long... sometimes, I wonder if people have a true understanding of the kind of group BTS is. Of the personal sacrifices each of the members in BTS have had to make.

When I see asks about this or that mistreatment complaint for this or that member, sometimes it pisses me off. Cause yeah, it sucks that Jungkook has to (possibly) serve now despite having 5 years more and being at his prime; I too hate that Jimin's sales were explicitly targeted, deleted without precedent, explanation, or accountability; I cannot for the life of me explain what the fuck happened with Jack in the Box's album roll-out, packaging, shipping, etc. But like, every member is making these decisions with their eyes wide open and taking these hits in stride with a team/company they say they trust. If Jimin trusts Bang PD with his career, on what basis could I begin to disagree with him?

Anyway I digress. D-Day is a gift. Pray you survive the live versions lol. And oh, about Yoongi (and the rest of BTS) being insane as I said initially, just listen to HUH?! again.

[mirageofadesert]

Fandoms as scenes: A different perspective on streaming in kpop (a semi short analysis)

I've recently seen quite a few posts saying that streaming is bad, that it distorts the charts, takes away the fun and enjoyment of music and that it's all about numbers now. I don't want to deny these criticisms, but I want to give an extended view on why streaming is so important to some fans. This is a (not so) short analyses, that is mostly based on some sociological and cultural-anthropological approaches, as well as my personal observations and opinions. I will focus on certain social elements of fan culture and less on the psychological aspects. I’m going to use ARMY and Dynamite as an example.

Many have said it before: streaming is just a new term for listening to music. But streaming in a group or fandom to reach a certain number and to gain recognition for the artists must be new? Well, I’m going to argue, that one of the main reason people do this is not because of numbers, but because it’s a social practice that constitutes a community. This doesn’t mean that the first reason is not true as well, but there is more to it.

Let me explain this with an anecdote:

When I was 13 years old, I bought an EP of The Rasmus with only 2 songs on it. The following weeks I went on vacation with my family (and my disc-man). I listened to this CD with 2 songs non-stop without ever getting bored. I did that with all the CDs I owned - I listened to them for hours and weeks on end and then exchanged them for one another. That was a normal way of listening to music for us back then. No one called it streaming - no one supervised it - except my parents, who just couldn't stand the songs anymore blasting through our home.

But the most important part about listening to music was sharing it with friends. The closest friendships I had as a teenager was with people who I shared a love for certain music with. We would meet up, listen to the music together and talk about the bands, the lyrics and so on. Our taste in cloth, jewelry and even films was strongly influenced by the music and musical genre we loved. Music was not just something I consumed on my own, but always centered around other people. This became even stronger once I joined a scene (or formerly often called a subculture) of metal/goth first, punk later. Music was a central identity category.

Now, how does this relate to kpop and streaming?

Kpop as a subcultur (scene)

First of all, it is important to talk briefly about what kpop is. There are different definitions, often depending on the context: a music genre, an industry, integrated content, etc. But kpop can also be a term for a so-called scene (or subcultures). Scenes (in a sociological sense) are post-traditional forms of community.

These are often locally based groups with common interests in experience and mostly similar aesthetic preferences (in music, dance style, clothing, design, body styling, etc.). The degree in which they are used can vary quite a lot. They see themselves not only as a group, but as part of a larger community of like-minded people. In Kpop the online community is much more important than in some other scenes. In fact, local communities are sometimes rare. This doesn’t mean, that every fan is part of this community. It can also be argued, that there are more than just one community within a fandom.

(a) "Scene goers" have a common "knowledge" that others do not have, and they share typical attitudes, actions and manners, which often lead to specific "rituals". They are also given meaning by special "symbols" and "codes" that can only be understood by "scene goers". This includes, for example, some term specific terms that outsiders may not immediately understand, such as "bias", "comeback" or "paved the way". Rituals can range from the use of "light sticks" to trending of #.

(b) The terms of belonging are rather open. The "membership" can be terminated at any time. Scenes are communicative and interactive part-time communities. Because scenes are relatively unstructured and unstable, their existence is bound to a constant communicative reassurance. Through our actions - be it tweets, streaming, visiting concerts, changing our layout for idols birthdays - we constantly (unconsciously) confirm to ourselves and others that we are part of the community.

(c) Scenes are exclusive and claim uniqueness. Every scene claims to be something special and sees itself in a certain sense as "avant-garde". In order to maintain these claims, it emphasizes its exclusivity and sets itself apart from the others, especially from other, competing scenes. Here lies also the reason for many fanwars. These are strategies of demarcation that every community applies. This is how a group stabilizes itself. In kpop, however, these strategies of demarcation are particularly strong and emphasized.

(d) Because this new social form of the scene is open in its structure, scenes need specific times and specific forms of events at which "members" of the scene can meet in order to experience the feeling of togetherness "sensually". This way, events work as multiplying and extra-ordinary social experiences.

The primary events of kpop are concerts. Although the focus is on physical presence and multi-sensory experience on site, it also includes online experience. Many of you will certainly know this: searching for a new (bad) stream on Social Media, screaming about new hair colors, songs, choreographies with moots or/and friends etc. The excitement is also shared online, and you will get hyped up together.

(e) Another central events are comebacks. This includes the promo-phase as well as the actual release and finally the streaming. In this context, streaming is a social act of communalizing (meaning: community-building). It also creates a feeling of "togetherness". Physically, everyone may be streaming in their own room, but through online media everyone keeps in touch with their friends, online acquaintances and the community. Streaming is strenuous, but it is also fun! It is precisely because it strains physically and mentally, touching emotional and sensual levels, that it is so effective. It becomes a multiplying extra-ordinary forms of listening to music. So streaming will only lose is attraction if some other social form of eventization takes its place. It's less about the streaming itself, but about the social function of this practice.

I think this is particularly through for army, because streaming became part of their self-conception (and identity). It might just be one of many such practices for ARMY, but as of now - especially as long as no offline events can take place - it will not lose importance. It is a central social moment for the fandom - it is a moment of meaning-making.

Especially during Dynamite by BTS streaming was given new heights and meaning. This might be partly because of COVID. Not only were the concerts - the most important events of the scene - cancelled, but many people felt isolated and a bit overwhelmed. The joint, festive streaming created a feeling of community with a shared goal/purpose. This further strengthened the effect. Of course this is also fueled by fresh new chart forms that encourage streaming (BB Global 200, Spotify Charts etc.). Dynamite was also especially “unique”, because it was the first English single.

Numbers, achievements and reaching comeback goals are important - less because of the successes per se, but because of the social implications. The successful results hold the group together and provide positive emotional and sensual experiences that confirm the cohesion of the group. But this only works from the inner perspective. From the outside, these practices often remain incomprehensible. If you don’t consider yourself part of such a community, the things I described will probably don’t fit you, because I addressed a specific part of kpop fandom culture.

The scene theory I explained here is only one of many possible theories that can explain fan culture. I’m not calming it’s the only or even the most fitting one, but it can give some insights into understanding some dynamics.

I originally posted this on reddit in 2020!

[ophelliate]

Bang Goes the Knighthood Takes

It's been about a week. I've listened to this album for about a week.

Honestly I didn't really know what to expect with this one considering like I said prior, this was a tumblr favorite it seemed but it also wasn't the album considered to be the "Hannon-aissance", that'd be Foreverland. The only other context I had for it was that three years prior to the release of the album, Neil Hannon had a divorce with his wife, and while most of the details seemed to be kept private at the time of listening, I guessed the album would explore the subject one way or the other? Turns out I was wrong about that and it was actually Victory that put some light on the matter, but it's still what I had in mind when going in.

But in terms of my thoughts of the album after listening? Well my first conclusion was essentially, "Perhaps I treated Absent Friends too harshly" (and I did).

1.) Down in the Street Below

First Impression: "Very gentle opener; honestly not what I expected."

I have a soft love for this song but first and foremost, I'm just surprised this was the opener. It fits, definitely, but compared to past albums this one stands out to me. All the other albums seem to start with very relaxed but still energetic songs, from Generation Sex to To Die a Virgin. This one in comparison is much more mellow while still fitting the vibe of Divine Comedy, and that combined with the lyrics makes me appreciate it a fair amount. My only real con is that there is a fast part in the song, but the song was too cowardly to return to it. It leaves an odd tonal gap in which I would've preferred a back and forth between the slow and fast melodies, but it might just be me not being used to the song yet.

2.) The Complete Banker

First Impression: "Makes more sense now remembering this was made around 2008."

One thing I didn't expect in this album was a song making fun of the Great Recession. Obviously by premise alone, this is the funniest song in the album. The lyrics carry this song hard. They're just funny to read in the first place and gives me a hopeful reminder that rich people have always been worth bullying. However, musically the song is a little bland in my eyes. The verses have an interesting tang but the chorus doesn't wow me at all. It's perfectly average.

3.) Neapolitan Girl

First Impression: "Oh nice vacation sounding song?"

You know, this song is very fun for being about surviving WWII warfare. Honestly without context this is such a carefree, bubbly song that sounds like you're meeting a splendid girl while on vacation– the more I go into these album-binges the more I develop a European vernacular get me out of here– The fact that it's in a much faster tempo than other songs in this album is also a major plus in its favor. Overall, great vibes, good song.

4.) Bang Goes the Knighthood

First Impression: "It sounds like another angsty animatic song, a bit more middle school energy so far though."

This was one of the songs that I fucked up on since I thought it was about the divorce at first. Then, after listening a couple more times and looking through lyrics and analysis, I realized I was very wrong and it's instead unabashedly horny to a great degree. Maybe the 'Bang' was a hint. Regardless, this gothic medieval style is beautiful albeit a little edgy. But with the lyrics focusing on kink/s&m and breaking free from the secrecy of the lust/love, of course this has queer tones to it, and I think that adds to the chill of it. Then again it'd also be just as amusing to summarize this song with the notion that Neil Hannon is down for pe–

5.) At the Indie Disco

First Impression: "The strings help it from just sounding like a song."

The more I listen to this song, the more I hate it. Why is it so popular? It's so boring. I don't care for it. The strings during the verses/bridge really are the only thing saving it. I don't even have much to say about it because it just seems plain... plain. It's the simplistic beat and the repetitive/generic melody. I don't get it. Why do people like this song? Who knows maybe my aggressive is just coming from how it got into the Best Of album instead of... literally anything else in this album except–

6.) Have You Ever Been in Love

First Impression: "God, this reminds me of the songs my mom would play constantly when I was in middle school."

This song is kinda also boring. Like yeah, it really does gives me vibes of something my mom would listen to but like the kind that you get tired of listen to in the background after about 5 listens. Who knows maybe I'll get into this song when I'm in my late twenties and feel the need to post life aesthetics on Instagram because I need to have my JustGirlyThings moment. Actually this song is JustGirlyThings manifested. Huh, better than Songs of Love to be honest but both are in Best Of what the fuck.

7.) Assume the Perpendicular

First Impression: "It's a little more subdued but I like it."

Banger, banger, banger– This song gives such a good energy. In general, it's a friendly song that makes you feel like you're on a vacation with your friends and just fucking around with the stuff you're seeing and having the most fun you can. And the music is a good example of a major pro with this album: a lot of it is really danceable. This song in particular makes me wanna get up and move my feet a little at having a good time. The lyrics also match up with what I think the themes are with this album, which focuses on doing whatever you want and embracing the silly or simple things in the world no matter how chaotic. And while this song decided to do it using architecture oddly enough, it manages to encapsulate those concepts in such a charming way with just the chorus that even I can relate to its own philosophy. But perhaps I just love this song in a way that makes me very obviously #quirkygirl though, oh well.

8.) The Lost Art of Conversation

First Impression: "The title makes me think this is a boomer song."

I think it could've been better. It gives me boomer energies in like 15 angles but at least one of those angles is like, vague classic rock, which is a good thing. This is also just a song with a bunch of pop culture references. because. I guess it makes sense in this case since they'd be conversation topics? I don't know, the lyrics don't really impress me but at least it's a pretty casual song for background tune.

9.) Island Life

First Impression: "The guitar and voice gives very nice folk-pop vibes."

Mm, good vibes. The beginning is a wondering introduction even if it's really long, but it sets up the dream-like atmosphere that soon enters into the folky vacation that would be a dream in the first place. This is the lawful good version of Lost in my head. Like this is the beach version of cottagecore and I'm here for it. I too would like to gather wood for the breakfast brew and watch for ships from the tallest tree. That or quarantine can just fuck up a bitch like that.

10.) When a Man Cries

First Impression: "Goddamnit it's doing the back and forth again but the emo melody is pretty."

I had to rewind this song like 5 times once because I kept spacing out and not paying attention to it at all. This song almost exists as an anomaly to me. The music box is very satisfying to hear even if it's purposefully out of time, and overall the angsty sections sound nice. It reminds me of like old, dramatic hispanic ballads in that regard. The more upbeat section is okay but I much prefer the angsty sections and isn't as exciting as the one in Down in the Street Below. In fact I say it has a similar tonal shift issue like Street Below because of that. But uh, the lyrics are honestly really good and does carry the song quite a bit.

11.) Can You Stand Upon One Leg

First Impression: "I don't know the verses are just so mid."

Forgive me sir, but I think this song is trying too hard to be quirky. I get it's trying to fit with the theme of the album since it's being silly and absurd, but like you can do that in an entertaining way. Lowkey it feels like its trying to be the Wiggles and failing. The chorus and bridge are good, but my first thought is still the same, the verses are plain. Also the ending is... well, the ending.

12.) I Like

First Impression: "Head boppy."

I like it musically, especially in the verses but alas gimmick songs have gimmicky lyrics. It's so simple compared to everything else, which is probably the point but. huh. The lyrics kinda make it underwhelming in comparison to the music. It could be better but it's in the value of circumstance for this one I presume. Pick up to the chorus is a banger, though.

I mean, I guess it was okay.

I don't know, the album didn't really wow me in the past week. It didn't give me any crisis like the others apart from the incident where someone worded their interpretation of a song as "coming out" and I went on a rapid google search for a couple minutes.

I enjoy the theme of the album but my main gripe with it as a whole is that it doesn't have that Divine Comedy™ spark in my eyes at times. Like, Regeneration was trying too hard to be indie while this album tried to be pop-y. In ways, it benefitted to its favor since, as I said, this album is danceable, but that doesn't save the songs that musically and sometimes lyrically are plain in comparison. But perhaps it was the right move at the time since those songs I called boring are the ones that ended up being popular it seems.

These songs made me realize that– yeah, Absent Friends is good, because while you could tell that the indie-ness of 2001 was still there, AF still had a personality to it that was able to create beautiful compositions with a string ensemble playing those melodies 42 hours a day. This had... medieval? No that was maybe two songs. Vacation? Well, solid guess but not really. Quirky??? Oh huh I think I just cracked the code, this was made in fucking 2010: the year/decade to be odd but still in a manufactured, trend-setting way.

That oddly explains far more than it should, but at least it explains a reason this album is iffy to me. The thing about The Divine Comedy and its music is that it's relatively timeless. Genuinely, before I knew the band well, I thought Something for the Weekend, Lady for a Certain Age, and You'll Never Work in this Town Again were all four years apart from one another at the max. You could imagine the shock I had when I discovered two of those songs have a 20+ year gap. So, for me and TDC, hearing songs where you can tell when they're from and how they've aged in so-so fashion is somewhat of a detriment for it.

One thing I can comment on about all the 2000s albums though is that they definitely give a reasonable explanation for why Hannon was chosen to songwrite for Wonka. No matter what directions the movie takes, this decade proved he could pull off either/any angle. If they want to recreate the Gene Wilder rendition of Wonka, Absent Friends shows a childlike whimsy with its classical yet homey/warm tone; If they go a more Tim Burton route, there's the gothic aspects of Knighthood and the dramatic flair of Victory right there. Neil Hannon ended up establishing a vibe this decade that's oddly perfect for some English book about chocolate.

But anywho, I'm hoping Foreverland will be fun at least. Like I said in the beginning, it's said to be the "Hannon-aissance" so I'm hoping it lives up to its claims. I might post a review of Absent Friends too considering how my thoughts have evolved in the past week about it.

Three Best Songs of the Album:

1.) Assume the Perpendicular

2.) Neapolitan Girl

3.) Down in the Street Below

Album Rankings Worst (affectionate) to Best (more affectionate):

7.) Regeneration (2001)

6.) A Short Album About Love (1997)

5.) Bang Goes the Knighthood (2010)

4.) Fin de Siecle (1998)

3.) Absent Friends (2004)

2.) Casanova (1996)

1.) Victory for the Comic Muse (2006)

If there's any thoughts you want posted from me, lmk.

[the-girl-who-cried-wolf]

9, 11, 30, 33, for the ask thingy (bonus 13 cus im struggling with writers block rn and it sucks)

- random anon

hello random anon!! thanks for the ask 💜 as expected, i rambled. i would say sorry but i literally knew this was going to happen. so. i hope you wanted detailed answers...

9. Least favorite trope to write.

this is a hard one! i can't think of any that i actively dislike, but ig...enemies to lovers?? i LOVE reading it, but every time i've tried writing it, it turns out horrible and i never post. so. maybe i'm just too soft for that trope, idk, but its hard to write. thats literally all i can think of-

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

well. i doubt any of this will make any sense, but lets dive into the terrifying depths of my Writer Brain anyway...

most times, fics start with An Idea. its usually just a random thought i've had, which could be anything from an outfit i would love to see a character wear to the Deepest Darkest Feelings of a certain canon moment - it's varied and fucking wild - and then, i just think. for a few days or weeks maybe, depending on how long i intend the fic to be, i have this fic idea growing in the back of my mind as i start to build up the beginning of a plot, and i outline some goals and things i want to achieve when i write this fic. (i picture it as a little timeline running of into the distance with tags stuck on the Important Plot Points, with relevant words and images, but that's just me. its weird, i know, bare with me.)

once The Idea is settled and some semblance of a plot has been mentally sketched out, i open a doc and just start writing. for longer fics, i may keep a doc for planning - writing down scenes that are in my mind, or random visuals and lines that i think of, and sometimes even song lyrics that i find inspiring for the fic, etc - but for shorter fics, i just dive right in and get writing.

(sidenote: i've found that the process is different for longer fics vs shorter fics. obviously. theres a lotttt more planning for long fics, and i usually end up making a playlist and a pinterest board for them to keep the ideas coming as i write. short fics usually get smashed out in a few hours, probably at midnight, then i edit a little and post. im kinda lazy with editing and rewriting tho. rip.)

now, we come to the writing itself. i like to set aside a fair amount of time for writing, like, i dont just randomly write a line every now and then - i make time for me to sit down for a hour or however long i've got, and focus on writing. i follow the hazy map of plot points in my mind, and i fill in the blanks as i go. if im completely honest, i dont plan a lot of shit. i just blurt words and sometimes it comes out nicely.

i think that pretty much covers it. other than obsessively editing and rereading over the long fics, or scanning the shorter ones a little, i post it and move on <3

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

oh god. this is...hard. ill just throw some random lines in without context or explanation bc im crazy. here goes-

- He tries to muster some kind of smile in response as he tugs his headphones down around his neck, Led Zeppelin blasting out the speakers freely now, but he must fail terribly because Calum’s smile slips from his face, just like the batter that drips from the spoon he’s holding, landing in the mixing bowl underneath. It melts smoothly into the rest of the mixture and disappears, and Luke stares at where it landed, wishing he could bring it back. (x)

- Luke’s lingering hand tangles back in Calum’s hair. Soft strands of it threading through his fingers and Calum’s eyes fluttering shut like a butterfly’s wings, then gently pushing his head up into Luke's hand as he rolls over a little more, searching for just a little more of the warmth of Luke’s body against his. (x)

- And he’s gone. But she’s still there. The world has suddenly and violently stopped spinning, but she’s still there, smiling at painting in her mind, of a spinning girl. (x)

- He opened his eyes, and for a second, the silhouette of a boy still stood in front on him, a spark in his eyes and hope in every breath. Wishing for a bright future, planning for great and marvelous things that would never come to pass. (x)

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

as a general rule, yes. i like blocking out the rest of the world and listening to music that fits the fic im writing, because music is always my biggest inspiration. for many fics, especially longer ones, ill make a playlist that suits the vibes which i can then listen to whenever i write that fic. but sometimes i write without music just so i can focus better, and not be distracted by the music, which helps me make more conscious word choices and structural/grammatical choices too.

13. How do you deal with writers block?

ahh writers block (derogatory). sigh. honestly, i dont think there is a cure for writers block, but staying open to inspirations is one suggestion i can offer. listening to music, watching the world around you, consuming media you enjoy...all that helps your mind take in ideas, and even if you can't seem to write anything out, it's good to keep your mind open and filled with something. and with writers block, i would say to NOT make yourself write if you dont feel like it. that takes the enjoyment out of it and makes it seem like a task you have to complete, which it isn't!! writing is here for you to have fun!! you just have to wait it out until you want to write again, and in the meantime, take in all the inspiration that you can.

thank you sm for asking all this, i had a lot of fun writing these answers out! and i hope your writers block doesn't last long too. sending good vibes your way!!! 💜💜💜

writers ask game

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[akira-emberheart]

songs I'd like to assign to the glee kids (part I)

Note: I'm pretty well known for making playlists and more playlists, and ever since seeing this post by @cracktastic about assigning, for the 100th episode, the least expected song to the least expected character, I've found myself craving to hear specific characters sing specific songs.

(I've also started another separate list to add on to that post I mentioned, but that will be a post for another day)

So after going through my music library, I came up with a small list of songs for each character that I would love to hear them sing, for various reasons, which i'll do my best to explain.

This got really long really fast, because I like to get into meta and over analyze - I'm also just very passionate about music. For that reason, I'll do 5 songs at a time for a specific character, and I'll be putting a read more.

Also, please be gentle with me - I've watched Glee a year ago, and it's entirely possible I may be missing or confusing scenes and storylines in my head. If I do, let me know!

If you read this and find yourself thinking of songs and scenarios as well, do share them with me! I'm working on actual Spotify Playlists as well.

So let's get into it -

for Kurt Hummel

> Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

"This is not the sound of a new man

or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me"

This is probably one of my favorite songs ever, and I first thought about it for Kurt after realising how beautiful his voice would sound in it, because of its crystal clear and poised quality. (I liked it so much I included it in a scene on my fanfic too).

If you don't know Bon Iver, or the history of this song, it's the last track in an album full of more..."depressing" songs. It's also the one that has a throughout tone of hope, of recovery after a hard ordeal, of taking some first steps to a better place.

I imagine it would be a good song for him around the time he meets Blaine - when the Karovsky situation is nearly over, and he starts looking back on his school year - Burt's heart attack, the bullying - and, now with Blaine in his life, and a renewed self confidence, he's finally able to confidently step into a better phase of his life and heal from all he went through.

I see this one being sung in a quiet moment of reflection, when he's alone. Maybe in the choir room, or even outdoors in a nice garden. In my fanfic I wrote it in a different context, in Blaine's room at night, so I guess that works in my head too.

***

> Enchanted by Taylor Swift

"I'm wonderstruck

Blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you"

I'm very fascinated with Kurt's whole storyline in S2 - things start off so rough for him, but when Blaine comes along, and when Kurt is able to grow and shift more and assuming the person he really is, things start looking up. I chose this song for what it promises, and also because I can imagine it in Kurts lower singing register and it seems like a good one for him. Also, yes, I was a kid who owned Speak Now. Sue me.

This song is about first meeting someone very special, and that happens to be the beginning of Klaine. With the almost whispered lyrics, the slowly crescent ambiance and rhythm, it really encapsulates the feeling of everything stopping when you lay eyes in that one special person, and the flooding rush of emotions that happens right after.

Kurt had no idea how much an unsuspecting visit to a rival show coir school would change his life, even less in the midst of the situation he was in. It also seems fitting for Kurt and his early relationship with Blaine because of some specific lyrics ("This is me praying now / This was the very first page / Not where the storyline ends"). Enchanted tells the story of a special first meeting, and hints at something special to come, from the perspective of someone who is awestruck for someone.

Like the one above, this one would fit in early S2, possibly in EP6, after Kurt and Blaine's meeting at Dalton Academy. When he's back home, alone in his room, daydreaming, or when he's back at McKinley in that same afternoon.

***

> Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles

"Oooh, how am I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight But someday. Hey, I wish you'd want me to stay I'll be alright, just not tonight"

My main reason for choosing this one is because I think it fits very very well with Kurt's voice, and musical taste - its a very vibrant and poppy song, despite the more depressing theme - a post breakup promise of getting over it.

I first thought of it for S4, soon after the Breakup™, but paying close attention to the lyrics (I do tend to get stuck on just the melody sometimes), it makes more sense to place this on during the S6 Breakup - when Kurt finds out about Blaine dating Karovsky, after deciding he wants Blaine back.

So it's a hard situation for him, as we see from his breakdown in the bathroom (poor Kurt!), and he really has to come to terms with the mistakes he made (and the mistakes they both made as a couple), pick himself up, and move on.

I imagine this one being sung during an outing with Rachel, when she's trying to cheer him up and lift him up a little from his depression. My brain readily produces an image of a sunny street or a shopping mall that the two of them walk through, Kurt with some nice vivid colored clothes, finally being able to smile and ready to perhaps start moving on, or at least ready to start considering he will be okay.

***

> Killer Queen by Queen

"She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet

"Let them eat cake", she says

Just like Marie Antoinette"

This song just reminds me of Kurt. It's one of my all time favorites from Queen, and ever since watching Glee, these two are just connected in my mind. Voice wise, Kurt could definitely handle it.

It's apparently about a "high class prostitute"(? Freddie's word's, not mine), but still paints a pretty and dainty picture, and you can almost picture a porcelain faced lady in her best clothes, delicately smoking a cigarette. It also contains words that probably only Kurt can pronounce out of everyone in the glee club.

Many Queen songs were sung on Glee, but I don't think there was ever a Queen episode. For this one, I suggest a headcanon scenario, maybe during S3, when Mr. Shuester decides to have a Queen week - and Kurt isn't known for going with the obvious choices. He wants to be classy, edgy and impressive, and he sings in front of everyone, half in the choir room, half in the auditorium, perhaps with some fancy decoration and dancers behind him.

***

> The Answer by Kodaline

"You might think you found the one

Until your heart gets ripped and torn

Yeah, I used to feel bad, I used to feel like that

I still feel a bit like that"

This is another one that I picked immediately solely based on Kurt's voice - I really do like his voice with just a quiet, discrete instrumental. Looking into it further, I decided it could really work for Kurt's character.

I didn't go very deep into the intended meaning of the song, because it definitely has space for different interpretations. I choose to go with the breakup one. These lyrics here reminded me a little of the S4 breakup storyline - "We all fall down from the highest clouds / to the lowest ground" - makes me think how well Kurt's life was going once he arrived in New York, with the internship, his apartment situation with Rachel, a new and exciting place where he could freely be himself... and then he's completely blindsided by Blaine's cheating. He goes from being ecstatic and excited at Blaine's appearance, looking forward to share with him all the great things he just discovered, when Blaine's confession sends him to a well of despair, doubt and loneliness. The lyrics "You might think you found the one / until your heart gets ripped and torn" - reinforce the whole situation.

I can see him singing this not long after the breakup, on one more sleepless night, maybe walking alone through the streets of New York, or maybe in a montage of his busy daily routine, while he just gets through the day with a whole lot of emptiness weighing on his chest.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Doesn't It Hurt?

This is for the lovely @ravenousscorpian wanted a jealous Doofus Rick. The title and some dialogue is based off the lyrics from the song Jealousy, and it's a song from the 1980s show Gem. If you want to hear the song then heres a link. (Listen to song here) Lol, and if you want to hear about my fan girl moments with Gems voice actress then dm me. And to all of you whose prompts I didn't get to try, I promise to get to them as soon as I can.

Reference to the woman from Zeta-7s old journals is from my fic What you Found Amongst the Pages. Read it if you want a little more context on that.

In this fic the reader runs into an old friend, but to Zeta-7 this guy is being a little more then friendly.

_______________

jeal·ous·y

/ˈjeləsē/

noun

jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

_______________

Jealousy is something you've felt on many occasions. Whether it was dealing with other women who took a libidinous interest in Zeta-7, or of the woman from his past you had only read about in an old journal, and on the rare occasion having felt it towards the Jerrys in his care at the Jerryboree. However, the feelings usually left as quickly as they came.

As for Rick, you never readily suspected he was capable of such emotions, except for the other day when you two were shopping and decided to stop at the boba shop next to Charming Charlie for a drink. It was adorable watching his reaction to the small tapioca balls in the honey milk tea, and his fascination in the concept, but he wasn't sure as to why it was as popular as it was. You thought it had to do with trends, and you were ready to explain it, but someone else answered. “Duh, because it's fun."

The both of you turned towards the owner of the voice and you didn't bother holding back your surprise. “Lawrence? Oh my God, I haven't seen you in ages. How are you?”

“I've been alright. Doing a little better now that I got to see you.”

He was that one guy who was ready for any kind of adventure. The last time you had seen him, he was making out with his girlfriend of the week. And while you had been friends, you lost touch after graduation. You shook your head, finding him as flirtatious as ever, and from the corner of your eye, you noticed his quiet and still Rick had gotten. “You never change do you?” you continued, despite your better judgment. “So, what have you been up to since after graduation?”

Unceremoniously, he pulled up a chair to your table, completely disregarded Ricks existence, and sat close beside you, going on for a while about all the unbelievable things you used to think of doing but never did until you met Zeta-7. Every so often you looked back to gauge Ricks response, but he was quiet and contemplative, drinking his drink in peace. You didn't want to be rude and listened on for a while longer, but your anxiety was building at his continued flirtations. And the moment Lawrence tried to touch your hair, you heard the clatter of a chair, and Zeta-7 stood between you two. “Sh-she doesn't like to - to be touched.”

Honestly, you were relieved. Now you had a better idea as to why you didn't stay in touch.

“What the hell man? I wasn't going to try nothin.”

“Y-y-y-y-you were going to touch her, and I think she wouldn't appreciate that. She's a-a proper lady.”

Oh God. Did you break Zeta-7?

“Rick?” you wondered, gently slipping your hand into his. “Is something the matter?”

With a sigh, he turned towards you, giving you those pleading, quiet, desperate, cloudy blues, telling you that he wanted to leave. You nodded, understanding the possible consequences of staying here longer then you should. “I'm sorry Lars,” you apologized. “we've got to go.”

Glancing at your latched hands, he scoffed. “You do huh? Who is this guy anyway? Your grandpa? I thought your grandparents were dead.”

“Th-they are,” Zeta-7 answered neutrally, his sounding a bit more Rick like then you preferred. “and they were r-really nice people.”

Never knowing when to stop his foolishness, he smirked at you. “So you're his carer? That's cute.”

Usually, Rick ignored what others thought you two were, but his face fell as though he were fighting a losing battle. However, with a final stretch of resolve, he answered firmly. “N-no, she's not.”

You gave his hand a squeeze, and smiled up at him, proud of his improvement. Poor man, being tested all the time, but you too were resolved in the matter. You softened. “The two of us, we're a lot of things, which could include caretaking I guess, but he's usually taking care of me. I doubt it's convenient for him, but he's reliable in that respect. And before you ask, he's not my sugar daddy, because he's too good for that, and he doesn't…we're more likely….we're in it for the long run. Lawrence, this is Ricardo Sánchez. He’s my neighbor and above all things my boyfriend. Now,” you giggled, standing up and latching on to his arm. “if you'll excuse us, we have a date to finish. He's been patient enough to let us chat, but it's my turn to return the favor. See ya.”

As ever, it wasn't long before the guy found interest in the next girl in his path, who you hoped would know better, and for Zeta-7 to settle back into the habit of continuous apology, but you kissed him on the cheek to ease him. “I think that every place we go, or everywhere we turn, someone else is moving in, trying to throw fireballs or something. Do you think we should move? Cause lately being with other humans is starting to annoy me.”

“Y-y-you mean the two of-of us?”

“Yes, if you want. Or do you think I mean that guy back there? Look, I'm going to tell you this once, and you better remember it. Understand? I only want you, and you were the one who had asked me to go steady with you. So, if you think that anytime soon I'm suddenly going to change my mind, then the only way that's going to happen is if I get amnesia, or if I was replaced with a robot. So you better not get a robot of me okay?”

Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded. “I-I-I won't.”

“And, while we're on the topic of being jelly, you better stop acting cute in front of other people,” you pouted. “or else.”

You saw the beginnings of a smile, and blame the Rick in him for his next words. “Or - or what? What will y-you do?”

Tugging on your hoodie strings, you put on your shades, and posed. “Or I'll become savage and roast anyone who gets in between me and my man. And then, I'll go home and cry, and eat a quart of ice cream because I'm a dork, and will probably feel bad about it.”

“I-I-I don't really get it, but it's cute. You,” he softened. “are t-too precious.”

“You know, I'm not going anywhere.”

Taking your hand again, he said softly. “Yeah, y-you're right. No dejaré que alguien - I-I won't let someone get in b-between us. O-okay?”

You giggled. “Unless…oh never mind.”

“Unless what?”

“Unless they're related to us.”

You allowed him to absorb this information while you lead him to the next store; half dazed and twice assured.

Fin

[howdytherepardner]

mid-later summer interlude: an afternoon into evening with "The Things They Did For Me Out of Love"

this post might be more worthwhile if you consume a bit of the track, or the album from which it comes, before or during, to get a sense of where i'm coming from.

~

three pre-steps of memory:

first,

early january of 2021, alone in a former squatter's residence, if i remember the tale correctly. i am in the kitchen, likely just before making food. there is snow outside, but as the indoors stay illuminated by the softest orange of any familiar home, it is not visible past sun down. yeule's "Pretty Bones" comes on shuffle. i had listened on the plane a week or two ago, coming or going from the midwest, but competing with the jello, anxiety in presence of others with a tightly bound mask, it hadn't quite come through in the same way. but i was alone, able to freely move in tune with the producer's hands. soft building of glockenspiel-esque tune, pulling up, and lightly dropping. there's a bit of an edge, a fuzz in the music and a spine in the lyric, that keeps intrigue around, but overall, it a source of great comfort. it is not itself warm, per say, but a cold that gives warmth. i like the song.

second,

13 odd months later, fantano's review of glitch princess carves a place in my memory. it is a format meant to convey thoughts on music, and it is format attempting to convey the ways in which it is something largely beyond music. per the description: "The narrative of Glitch Princess sometimes trumps its music, though there are several beautiful highlights on that front too." for how highly he speaks of it, or rather, for how sparse committed critique generally seems to be, i was surprised at its "light 7." i add it to my list of albums to listen to.

third,

it is near the end of may 2022, the night after i and many others have graduated, and i am frantically attempting to clean out the dorm. but despite the frantic edge, i am not stressed about it. i feel like i finally have a chance to have myself to myself, and after a bit of progress on achieving emptiness, i allowed myself the chance away from the shuffle of it all to the narrative now at the top of the queue. greeted by that eerie tone: "мʸ n𝒶𝐦𝐄 เ𝕤 n𝒶𝓉 Ć𝐦เ𝐄ᒪ..." and the next 43 minutes are a creepy and exciting and heart warming and mournful and uncomfortable and distorted and piercing and produced like nothing i've ever heard before. and i'm awed by the experience, on the musical front as well as that illusory transcendent narrative. and then begins the last track, and i'm listening, but becoming focused on tasks, until later shocking myself awake when realizing that it had been 10 minutes of [described in the last portion]. i look up at my laptop perched atop the microwave to realize there was still another 4.5 hours to go. i stop it there, and i have to save it for another day.

~

in the night after finishing the track, i spent a little bit of time poking around on Youtube in sphere of yeule's work, perhaps in pursuit of a better understanding of things.

the 'premiere' video of the full album does not contain the last track; to my understanding, the rendering of the full album would have taken enough time, and it would be needless to do it again, as it had already been released as a single. this went against the image that i had initially had of it as a track released with the rest of the album. how enchanting is that from an artist - imagining - no forewarning in particular, just releasing the album as is and then leaving people with that.

t'woud be a choice among choices that is art making. but this genre of choices reminding me in part of the choices of silence that occur in other music - beach house's Irene and kilo kish's Outpatient Mentality come to mind. these i would distinguish somewhat from something like john cage's 4'33" - the use of silence from the conventional medium is shared, but in cage's work is a composition that has largely about the performance context. as it was first described to me in 6th or 7th grade, the music is the sounds of the performance space - the murmurs of an expecting audience, the sudden cough, a baby cries, whatever and ever and so on. as he puts it, "There's no such thing as silence. What they thought was silence, because they didn't know how to listen, was full of accidental sounds." (via X)

but contrasted with the original form, and in the many performances that have occurred of it since, the context of how people hear music has shifted. home audio set-ups become more accessible, a public listening becomes small group or familial at largest. but the headphones create an experience for One; maybe some sound leaks out, but a given site of music consumption is not accessible to another. earbuds and noise-cancelling technology goes one-step further to separate the individual from the surrounding auditory environment - for some, the nominally "only true way" to experience some music. the realm of the audiophile domain, one focused on the production and individual instances of records less than performance and rendition, makes the consumption of music a largely individual affair. Outpatient Mentality's roughly 5 minutes and 7 seconds of silence through this frame is about the silence and existence within that, rather than fills the silence outside world. that's not to claim this was Robinson's original intent, just one perspective that can occur within this context.

as far as specific choices go, the subject song does include some elements of silence, but that's not obvious on the package. what's clear to a consumer is its length.

i can't find the exact quote and recall from whom, but there's an interview i remember where someone rhetorically noted something like: [The only reason modern songs took to be like 3 minutes long, albums like 40 is because of the storage mediums - vinyl records - that artists had to work with to make and sell music. Why does it have to be that way?] i don't think it was meant to be as if it were the universal truth, just pointing out a convention. but it is a strong convention, such that it becomes the realm where people attempt to define such concepts as song and album (an example of exploring and challenging that). one of the things that is subverted by simply the concept of tracks much more massive (and also much smaller) in magnitude, that it can make one question if a given track qualifies as a song or if it requires some other classification.

a few comments make the particular allusion to The Caretaker's Everywhere at the End of Time, which is probably the most well known example of a musical work at this magnitude. its description, and content, details a particular experiential narrative that it's meant to invoke. while it has attained a particular status in meme culture as either super long or in line with scenarios of existential despair ('the backrooms' as a common trope using sound from the project), a lot of consumers commenting on that linked video in particular seem to respond to it in its original framing. they discuss family members, patients affected by dementia, their own fear around memory loss, aging, and death. i was struck by a project directly inspired by this, Somewhere in Mexico, at the end of time which acknowledges the more culturally specific contexts in which people experience music and how that then ties into experience - the comments are reflective (but not exclusively) of the specific invocations made by the music, discussing more thoroughly identity and the personal, familial ties occurring within that.

there are certainly more examples of such lengthy projects, with which i am not particularly versed, but the point i want to make from these in contrast that Caretaker's has a very particular framing. in interviews, yeule has commented on its inspirations in white noise and an artistic interest in playing temporality (x), but for the track itself, all they give us is a title. "The Things They Did For Me Out of Love" is a heavy phrase. i don't feel compelled to dissect for anyone in this place, but it's a remarkably different title than, say, something like "Track_13" or "broken waves." the phrase has object, action, subject, and motivation. on the near 5 hours journey, you are left only with them.

~

the section following this one is an attempt to describe not the song itself, but the experience of listening to it in the context that i did. a recounting, if you will, to the best of my memory. beyond recommending the album itself, i'll also leave you with this, a cover of one of the more sentimental tracks.

i also really liked reading the comments on yeule's work, the emotions it invoked and how people strive to describe them. "consumers," the lot of us. all of us. i wonder what will stick around when things go somewhere else.

~

listening through the rest of the album prior to was certainly an interesting way to color the office work, but a welcome energizer. but mandy winds down, and i am back to where a few shuffles had taken me before; the beginning. it is about an hour left in the work day, and i feel that i have become good at balancing my expectations for that length of time. but the added element of the drone with sparse variation seemed to lengthen it. there was a level of excitement in finally getting to something that had long been subverted, but it was steadily abated by an anxiousness for what could come next. maybe 30 minutes. the mundane of a slow work day is amplified by art in abstraction - why does this song exist, in this form? what does it do? is there a point? and those questions bleed into the job, the life i'm leading now.

the work day ends, and the leaving the desk i become aware that my choice of consumption medium (earbuds, in transit) has consequences - the steps i make distorting the sound, hiccups running a tempo separate from the one vaguely found within the song itself. i try to soften my steps, slow my pace to sync, but i cannot do so without compromising the timing of my day and my outward appearance to other people walking. circumstance gives music a literal pulse, the music changes how i understand my walk to affect my mind. reciprocal transformation.

arriving at the train, it's a break from the pulse, but the anxiety of the wait returns, delays to the Red Line more visceral than before. eventually, it arrives and, settling in for a not-too-long ride, the shared space, the stillness in tune with others, becomes very apparent. questions of what is shared with others, and what isn't. we all avoid eye contact, many occupy our ears with other things. what are they listening to? could it be as absurd as what i'm doing? i wonder how they found theirs. how would they feel if they were in my place?

but no time to linger on the car. pulsing up and out and back to the apartment, finally return to a bit of isolation and stillness. quiet like the office, but not waiting on the end of business hours, bound only to my own imagination and desire. bask in it a little, then back to the pulse - a walk to get groceries. venturing out a bit, taking a slightly less efficient route there, but more relaxed - no longer bound by office wear and breathing. lungs fill with the environment, and pour back out.

the store's offerings are not particularly sparse, but specifically lacking. my first time at the location and there doesn't seem to be any flour today. the vegetables are all just a bit above or below the desired sizes. lingering in search, people who came in at similar times seem to already be near the end of their session. i am anxious, appearing a fool to them - masked and short shorted and going down the same aisles more than once just to see if the most obvious things were missed. the music takes up space in the mind, surely the thoughts of flour anywhere else must be on display, and others must be seeing the foolishness and regarding it as such.

but muffled check out conversation comes, and the reusable bags i've brought filled sloppily to the brim and quite full. the decent mass was intended, almost even between the bags, as my way of sneaking in an arm workout - curls, shoulder lifts. healthy in concept. it feels effective, but bright orange bags (college logos turned to face me) seem so silly. the cars just seem like cars, but the people walking by. droning goes quiet, then pulsing all on its own. halfway mark. only halfway. eyes on me. just need to get home.

hydrate, brush off the sweat. switch to the computer for an hour to let the earbuds charge and keep an ear out for the food in progress. ears can breath, and the air gains more of a fuzz. am i defiling the experience? is the only way to be true to this art to lay motionless, only attuned to music in front of me? must i do this again some day to get it right? i don't know if i can. an hour and change to go, dinner ready and cooled enough to eat. earbuds back in for the final stretch.

and the question of purpose returns - a few spikes in activity, but ultimately, the music just is. it is a presence, a dampener. i find myself typing faster, sharing more without particular intent or filter. does mind occupied with the continual drone lose place to manage other social functions? dinner is satisfying, but senses are still fighting a bit. time passes. i am simply waiting now.

the end approaches. it becomes clear to me there is no grand narrative within, no grand climax upon which to wait. closer. i brace myself for one last spike, but it just ends. i am energized somewhat to be done, but then i take a shower and go to bed. in incessant monotony, i have made a day something else.

but every day is something else, if you think of it that why. what you get is not always what you give - but sometimes you don't even realize what you're giving that nets such a way of living.