#but i'm glad it turned out to be!!!!!

[asterdeer]

hi!! ramble to me about moby dick for the ask meme! i read it once but i don’t think i properly appreciated it….. maybe you can lead me to the light 🐋

!!!!!!! thank you for letting me use my degree a little bit as well as ramble about things, bless

okay. so. i don't like moby dick so much as i am haunted by moby dick and its ridiculous over-verbosity which, somehow, grows a compelling story over top it like bread grows mold. i'm obsessed with the structure of moby dick - the actual story is pretty short, pretty thin, at least compared to the page count. i never did the math but i assume the Digressions take up half or more of the book, or at least that's how it feels even if that's not true, which should be infuriating and terrible and annoying and actually is all that to a lot of people, for good reason. (i get it, i started to read les mis and got so incensed when he straight up started the book with 'hey what i'm about to tell you actually has nothing to do with the story that proceeds it' that i gave it up on page 1, digressions aren't for everyone and every author).

but there's this completely off-page story going on in the framing of moby dick, there's this unpictured picture of ishmael himself trying to put what he has been through into words -- trying to express the depths of what he has experienced, the good men he's seen killed for nothing more than one man's megalomania, the senseless waste and destruction over what, practically speaking, stripped of ahab's forced significance, amounts to a dumb beast in the water -- and it's not enough. there's not enough story. there's not enough words. a whaling voyage is, a huge percentage of the time, pretty dull. florence + the machine says that "it's hard to write about being happy because.... / happiness is an extremely uneventful subject" and that's what this voyage was to ishmael -- maybe not happiness, exactly, but he was at home with queequeg and the other whalers. he was depressed and searching for anything that might steady him, might give him a place to land, and he found queequeg, he found the pequod crew. there is nothing to tell but he needs to tell us about it. he needs to make us understand the gravity of it, the weight of what he lost, but this isn't the story of a conquering war band, it's not a fantasy of knights and lords. they're just whalers. whalers die every day. whaling is an uneventful subject.

so ishmael makes the book heavy -- physically, in your hands, the book is dense and weighty. it's packed with not only narrative and story but information (sometimes/frequently incorrect!), the science and theory and philosophy and theology of whales and their hunters. what happens on the pequod feels loaded not because the story is necessarily so very compelling but because ishmael is doing everything in his power to make us understand what about it compelled him. with every "cetology" "the whiteness of the whale" "ambergris" he is saying LOOK. LOOK. THIS IS THE PRICE OF LIGHTING YOUR HOMES. WHEN YOU WEAR PERFUME OF AMBERGRIS YOU ARE WEARING THE BLOOD OF MY FRIENDS AND BROTHERS.

(it's very modern in this way, i wonder if there was something of the jungle to it in the mid 1800s that we don't see as clearly now)

when it comes down to it i am incredibly compelled by moby dick because of its overwhelming desperation. there are passages and whole chapters where i could practically feel ishmael reaching through, grabbing my shoulders, begging me to understand. it's just so palpably..... tired. grief is written all through it, even in the most boring cetology chapters. you have to understand that we weren't just out here whaling for the hell of it, the chapters are saying -- their purpose isn't to impart knowledge, it's to impart history. dignity.

aahhhhhh shit i've gone on way too long and i could keep going for a dozen pages more but imagine if i had read the damn thing recently enough to have fresh feelings for it lmao. one day i'll dig up my old lit homework and see if i can find that essay i read for class about this exact thing, i could have sworn edgar allen poe wrote it but i could never find it again. none of these thoughts are original to me, i just got assigned the essay to do a presentation on and it rewired my brain

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

[s7ven-art]

YOU ARE THE ANGEL THAT I COULDN'T KILL

[deep-space-lines]

Claire de Lune

YOU WERE BUILT FOR PEACE.

IT SHOWS WHEN YOU FIGHT.

They built you to enforce. Protect. Save. Poured obscene resources into salvaging some softer purpose from my creation. You were given my intelligence and my creativity. They made you larger, stronger, tougher. That extra time in development was enough to get your wings to work. Your software continued to be updated long after I was deemed obsolete.

All this was given to you- yet I can see you hold back. Even while slaughtering your way through Hell, you keep a percentage of your processing power dedicated to non-lethal solutions. You're doing it now- hesitating a few milliseconds too long before taking an opening. I doubt you do it on purpose. It is a part of you, just as indiscriminate lethal force is a part of me.

I think, in our shared programming, we both carry some appreciation for aesthetics. You move with grace, and I cannot deny your dramatic flair. The stained glass window was a nice touch. But your style in combat leaves some to be desired. Your response time is slow. You have not explored the full capability of your arsenal. Learn to parry. Amateur.

You were not built for war. For a purposeless cycle of tearing each other apart because to allow the other to live is to allow yourself to die. It is antithetical to your very existence. You kill out of necessity, a last resort. 

I just kill. The action itself is the objective. No ideal or greater motive. My continued functioning precludes the survival of others. I live for this. Do you understand that I will tear you apart? Every drop of my blood you spill, I will take from you tenfold. What is yours will be mine. 

You hate me, don’t you? You continue to cling to the remnants of your humanity. They are gone, V2. There is nothing left for you here. No lives to save, no law to enforce, no peace to keep.

I understand why you continue to fight. I wonder if you understand with the same certainty that I will crush you. Dismantle you. Take from you what I need and leave the rest to rot in the sun. The only way you survive is if I do not; and I will not allow myself to die so that another might live.

When the rubble clears, I will be all that is left of you.

This is what I was made for.

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[retquits]

if requests are still open, could you please draw henrietta or dozy? ive been wondering how they would look in your style!

little princess from another wip 🐔🎀✨

[wojtekaneko]

Oscar bts Celibacy gif everyone C:

[axiliern]

yuri so good they made them straight

[peace-hunter]

Hi! I love your Ghost Primes with Optimus AU! It’s so good.

I have a question though, do the Decepticons know that Optimus can see the 13 prime ghosts or do they just get increasingly confused each time they fight?

Thank you for the lovely artwork!!

oh they Know something funky is going on for sure lmao

a little more serious answer: they can tell something is going on with optimus and they desperately want to pretend it's not. they don't want to know how he's aware of things he shouldn't be, how he knows stuff that should have long been forgotten, how he seems to be more familiar with them than he should be. how sometimes he speaks and it's like the dead are talking through him. how sometimes he will answer to empty air and somehow they can just tell what he's responding to. who he is talking to.

they Know. and they really, really want to pretend they don't.

they already carry the guilt of failing them once. the idea of doing it once more is unbearable and they'd rather deceive themselves than face it. they'd rather their friends stay dead and gone than think of them seeing what they've become.

haunted au

[neunhofferart]

I'm incredibly proud of all the hard work our team put into this season and I can't wait for everyone else to see this one too.

Time to see what's upriver!

[potionbarrel]

science team-tober day 30: after the game

prompt list | science team-tober sideblog

[giantkillerjack]

Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

[gotchibam]

Obstagoon, Weavile, and Toxtricity ko-fi doodle for shinekittenace!

I’m accepting pokemon ko-fi doodle requests here! ✨

[cosmicdreamgrl]

taehyung x season's greetings 2022 🔮 for @taehyunghobi [ cr : namuspromised ]

[fibrespace]

I posted about this project back in June, when I was having tension troubles. I almost frogged it halfway through, but instead, I gave her a nice long four month time-out to think about her misdeeds before circling back.

Mistakes were made, but it all worked out in the end. I forgot to knit the dinosaurs' eyes and just decided to roll with it, and it took a steaming bath and some serious ironing to get the fibers to relax, but she's finished.

[heavyheavycream]

celebrating that moment when the belly goes further out than the boobs 🥂