#but i'm also just feeling a lot of things and trying to figure out how to move forward
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ethtyn · 23 hours ago
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LET'S GO OUT WITH A BANG 🚦
taglist:
@ashiyn @single-malt-scotch @goodtimeswithetho @pebbltree @crabbunch @catmaidetho @amethyst-allium @stitchthesewords
sooooo ermm i guess i get to talk about this piece now YIPPEE
i am one of those people who's constantly trying to figure out what their own art style looks like LMFAO. i take frequent breaks from art due to mental health shit so it feels like every time i come back i'm trying to find my footing again.
that being said, i had a lot of caffeine yesterday and started this on a whim and it ended up being something i'm incredibly proud of. i think it helps that i've been redrawing old emotes for a friend's twitch channel, so figuring out which brushes i like right now was really helpful, and i ended up using my personal emote palette like...a lot. that pink in Etho's eye, the purple used for shading, most of the browns are all used in my own emotes. it's wild how much having colours already picked out streamlines things!
Etho is the one i started with, of course, and ended up being one that i went back to re-draw after i'd done...three? or four? more, because the sizing wasn't right and i wasn't happy with the posing. i still wish i could have conveyed him dipping his chin into his coat fluff a little better, but oh well. i thought of the little detail of him looking at Martyn's drawing at the last second (#ethtyn4life) and it made me laugh so i did it. points to you if you caught that!
Joel was the second - life!Joel has always been fey in my head, especially after that season when he just went batshit insane the second he turned red. can't explain it, that's just how it be. i tried to give him an air of subtle menace about him but i think he just looks sleepy 💀 i'd like to do these as individual, larger pieces at some point, so maybe i can work on that more then.
Grian was the third - he reminds me of a Lost Boy here and that wasn't intentional but the Lost Boys always kind of freaked me out and life!Grian's kinda freaky so i think it fits. his little smirk is so creepy and i love him.
i don't remember who i did next after this so we'll just go in order pfft
Bdubs is SO CUTE look at him. one of the few where i couldn't make a menacing expression work, and honestly with how good his profile turned out i barely mind. i did that side profile with no reference, y'all, idk what kind of crack i was on last night. what the hell. this was about the point where i started wanting to do little lore doodles for everybody so i added the clock face - i think it clashes with the red background but what can you do.
CLEOOOOOO CLEO CLEO. i LOVED drawing them, i think their design is one of my favourites of the bunch. her hair has always been snakes in my head and AGAIN i drew those with no reference, can you fucking believe that. i loved the little detail of some of the snakes poking at the people next to her, they're so cute hehe. also Cleo has freckles now, i'm so sorry but i don't make the rules. someone complimented the teeth in the reblogs and THANK YOU!! they're not quite anatomically correct but fuck it we ball and they look cool as hell anyway.
Martyn is so smug, i love him. points if you caught that he's looking at Cleo bc Double Life, i wanted to do something a lil different with him than just another straight up symmetry tool drawing and i think it fits. he is so eye-searing tho sir please tone it down.
Lizzie is fey just like her husband, and also she is smol. i don't think it's conveyed as well as i'd like here but i also didn't want her to look like a straight-up child so i did what i could. she is So Scary with those vacant blue eyes oh my god. and drawing her hair was sooooo fun i love long hair ahh
with Gem i basically smoothed out a rough design sketch i posted awhile back and i'm so proud of the little head cock she's got going on, she looks so cool. also her hair?? idk how i did that. i love her swoopy bangs so much.
Pearl is moth. Pearl will always be Moth. so she got lil antennae and big buggy eyes. drawing that hood was so satisfying, i used to try and draw Raven Teen Titans in high school and could never get the hood to look right so seeing this one come out perfectly was sooooo good. and of course had to include a teensy moon.
that's all i've got, i think - i feel myself crashing LMFAO. maybe at some point i'll come back and say more but here's this for now!
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bloomstream · 1 day ago
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⋆˚࿔ love languages
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the main forms of love languages the mha boys show toward you and how!
— includes : kirishima, kaminari, sero, & shinsou (in that order)
 𓂃 ♪ 𓈒 cw; f!reader strongly implied, feminine compliments used, established relationship, baby, girlfriend, my girl used, fluff fluff fluff, denkis is a little suggestive
𓂃 ★ 𓈒 a/n: this is like my head canons but in drabble format hehe! sorry shinsou's is short i'm still trying to figure out his charater ;(
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⋆˚࿔ e.kirishima - shows his love by overwhelming you with care
acts of service
eijiro's main love language is absolutely 100% doing acts of service for you all the time.
he’s holding the door open for you one second and running to pull out your seat the next, grinning like a dork.
he doesn’t want you to lift a single finger doing something that he can do for you.
it’s the small things: picking up the mail, buying your favorite snack, giving you neck messages, taking out the trash, carrying you from one room to another when you don’t wanna get up.
he thinks you’re the best therefore you deserve the best.
he feels like SUCH a man when he can fix something for you.
words of affirmation
eiji also really loves to receive words of affirmation
even after fighting in a war, eijiro still feels himself having a low esteem.
though your encouraging words mean so much to him. you make him feel like he’s a capable hero. you spend hours in bed tangled up together. you hold him as you tell him how amazing he is. how he’s a strong hero, a great person, the perfect partner.
he’d get overwhelmed and cry as you shower him with love. just knowing that you think so highly of him makes me feel worthy. you definitely healed the little middle school kirishima in his heart.
eijiro might as well be a package deal because he is also amazing at giving words of affirmation. the most supportive boyfriend you could ever find.
goes in the mall dressing room with you to see you try on new outfits, he's paying (ofc). “i love that color on you baby.”
don’t even get me started with him dressing you.. flushing your shoulders with kissing as he fixes the strap of your top, every touch making you feel euphoric.
kneeling down to put your shoes on, kissing along your leg as he does. “so beautiful.” he praises the ground you walk on.
when eijiro notices that you’re doing good with work he makes sure to let you know! two big thumbs on the side of his face “doing amazing, beautiful!” and makes kissy faces towards you.
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⋆˚࿔ d.kaminari - shows his love by never letting you go (literally)
physical touch
you and denki are constantly found with your hands, legs, (or both) tangled together.
chilling with bakusqaud? feet are kicking each other from across the couch. studying for case file? nope, denki can’t focus until his head is in your lap. completely drunk and dancing at a party? denki’s pressed up against you with his hand ghosting over your ass, letting everyone know you didn’t come here alone.
there’s not a single second of the day when his hands don’t snake their way onto your waist or lower hip, doesn’t matter if you're at homework, or anywhere else.
because of his touchy tendencies, you two are always showing pda and he loves it.
denki SWEARS he’s trying his best to be respectful in public, but he can’t help but get addicted to the look on other guys faces when they see you leaning up to kiss him. hes so so proud that you choose to be with him.
but don’t be fooled by the lust! denki can be romantic too; though he forever a dork.
he likes poking at ur sides when he’s teasing you. he kisses your face over and over again when you’re annoyed (until you smile a little).
gift giving
poor denki could be dirt broke, but when you come out of the dressing room wearing a top that perfectly hugs your figure his mouth drops, and his money goes poof.
“it’s so good, let’s get it yeah?” (hes gonna cry to his empty wallet when he gets home)
this prompts a lot of shopping dates which leads to a LOT of matching accessories. matching hats, hoodies, jewelry.
he has a ring with your initial on it he never takes off.
+ plus
denki has u as his lock screen and gives you (his phone) a kiss every morning he can’t sleep by your side.
would tweet: “just fell down to my knees in a walmart parking lot cus my girlfriend hasn’t texted back it been 30 mintues what do i do 💔”
has you and him as his profile picture on instagram and has a highlight of you titled: “my wife (BACK OFF)”
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⋆˚࿔ h.sero - shows his love by showing you off
physical touch
he grew up with parents who never left the honeymoon phase, so he knows what it’s like to feel so much love and he knows how to show it. (he also grew up with two younger sisters and an older sister and they made sure he knew the standard!)
so hanta is a romantic confirmed!!
he’ll buy you a big bouquet of flowers. buys you gifts, even for small anniversaries/celebrations. slow dances with you in your living room. prepares a warm bath for you when you're stressed.
and although he’s more mature than denki, hanta still pretty immature. so, he’ll jump at you any opportunity to get his hands on you.
hanta loves when you two are hanging out with friends, sitting on bakugos couch, and he has the chance to wrap his arm around the top of the couch. he possessively hovers his hand over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him whenever someone looks your way.
hanta is taller than you and always uses this to his advantage. squeezing your face when you look up at him. leaning down to give you kisses. holding your side to guide you through crowds.
occasionally, you’ll let him pick you up from your armpits like a cat and dangling you. you don’t know why he likes this; he just does.
words of affirmation
now one of hanta's best qualities is definitely his confidence and the way he talks to you confirms that.
he reassures you without even meaning to. hanta can tell when your down and easily finds the perfect comment that makes your cheeks flush pink and your dopamine levels boost. “look at that,” he practically purrs when you finish an assignment “done already cariño? making me look bad.” he laughs, not caring who hears him.
(quick mention that he also loves to make you laugh; he prides himself in it actually)
showing you off, showing you off, showing you off. everyone knows who the pro-hero cellphane is dating, it's hard not to.
“yeah, that’s my girl.” he says it stern, with a smirk on his face. it drives you INSANE.
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⋆˚࿔ shinsou - shows his love by keeping you around
quailty time
it took a while for hitoshi to open up but when he did it was overwhelming for him. he thought wouldn’t be able to express his love for you. he soon realized just being in your presence was enough.
you love spending quality time with hitoshi. it doesn’t matter what you're doing, he wants to be there. doing chores together, planning your monthly schedules together, talking walks together.
hitoshi loves to hear you talk and learn more about you but he just loves to hear you laugh.
he likes teasing you like there’s no tomorrow with stupid jokes and stupider insults just to see you laugh over and over again.
physical touch
but once hitoshi gets comfortable, once he gets confident: he also gets cocky and handsy.
comes up to you and whispers in your ear, “come on, can you do it for me, baby?”
favorite cuddle positions is spooning and honestly doesn’t mind whose big or little spoon.
he holds you by the waist as he looks up with you with those eyes.
hitoshi is a jealous guy. he knows you’re fun to be around, he knows you have friends, and he knows it’s wrong to think this, but he hates not being with you.
but he also knows that when you get home, you’ll lay in his arms agains and it’ll be alright so he’s patient until he can hold you again.
holding you from behind when you’re leaving to go out with coworkers. he’s kissing your cheek, “‘m gonna miss you. be safe,” gripping onto you like there’s no tomorrow.
once hitoshi learns to love you he never lets you go.
+ plus
he found that he likes to share his clothes with you and finds it funny that you practically drown in his hoodies.
when you give his hoodie back, he puts it on and smiles as the smell of your perfume fills merges into his skin.
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dontmixpaintinyourcoffee · 5 hours ago
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This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved
(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)
Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!
He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.
He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.
At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)
The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.
The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.
Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.
Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D
I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.
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mariasont · 4 hours ago
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A Puddle in Running Shoes A.H.
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summary: your boyfriend finds out you have a praise kink and is having way too much fun with that information
masterlist
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pairings: aaron hotchner x fem!reader
warnings: some suggestive content, hotch being a menace, reader having a praise kink, end suggests something may happen but nothing explicit in this one folks im getting my libido under control swear, also count how many times r refers to hotch's face as stupid im crying
wc: 1.9k
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You hated running. No—loathed it. Detested it. Despised it with every fiber of your being. If there was a stronger word, one that captured the burning, irrational rage you felt whenever someone suggested going for a jog, Spencer might have known it, but you couldn't bring yourself to care enough to ask. Simply put, running was not your thing.
But when Aaron—your boyfriend and somehow the most persistent man alive—asked you to join you on a run, you couldn't exactly say no. He didn't beg—Aaron Hotchner did not beg—but his version of asking, that soft it'd mean a lot to me paired with an encouraging smile, was close enough to begging in your book. Besides, you figured there'd be some sort of reward when you got back home. Aaron was good at those.
So here you were, contributing absolutely nothing to your marathon-obsessed, fitness-loving FBI boyfriend's training. Sweat coated every inch of your body, your legs felt like lead, and your lungs burned with every ragged breath you managed to suck in. The sun blazed overhead, making you feel more like a roasting chicken than a willing participant in this so-called fun activity.
Aaron, on the other hand, looked like he'd stepped out of a fitness ad—shirt clinging to him in ways that felt outright scandalous. Even the sweat on his face somehow made him look even more attractive.
He was at least ten paces ahead of you and every few steps, he'd glance over his shoulder, probably checking to make sure you hadn't spontaneously combusted or snuck off to find an air-conditioned cafe. Honestly, both were real possibilities.
Aaron's pace slowed until he was running beside you, throwing you a smile so unfairly handsome it made your legs feel weaker than they already did.
"How are you feeling?" The question felt retorical—anyone, profiler or not, was sure to be able to read you like an open book right now. "Still alive, or do I need to start figuring out the best way to carry you home without breaking any traffic laws?"
"I think I'm alive," you managed between gasps, wiping sweat from your brow. "But if carrying me is on the table, I'm not above playing dead to make that happen."
"Not necessary—I'd carry you anyway, if only to reward you for keeping up this long. You're doing great."
You foot caught a crack in the pavement, nearly hurling yourself into it, but Aaron's hand was there quicker keeping you upright as you tried to ignore the terrifying way your body had reacted to his compliment.
"Okay you can't just say stuff like that while I'm trying to run," you blurted out, avoiding his gaze. "You're trying to kill me, I swear."
You planted your hands on your hips, still trying to catch your breath, secretly relieved to have a break—even if it almost involved a face-first meeting with the sidewalk.
"Stuff like what?" He tugged at your ponytail and you swatted his hand.
"Nothing," you said way too quickly, shaking your head like you could physically toss what you said aside. "Forget I said anything. Let's just... keep running."
You quickly realized your mistake as soon as you started jogging again. You would never willingly suggest to keep running. Unfortunately, Aaron was actively aware of this, moving to come up beside you. You didn't need to look at him to know he had the stupidest smirk on his face.
He didn't say anything at first, to your immediate relief, just kept jogging beside you. The silence stretched on, his calm breathing only seeming to make your wheezing sound worse.
"You're breathing too shallow," he said after a moment, his tone completely casual like he wasn't even winded. "Try to take deeper breaths—match them to your strides. It'll make it easier."
You glanced towards him out of the corner of your eye before attempting his suggestion. You had no intention of letting him know that it worked. His ego was far too substantial for that.
"See? You're a natural," he said, shooting you a sidelong glance. "Atta girl."
Your brain flatlined and you almost tripped over your feet again, every rational thought replaced by static. What was wrong with you? You vaguely remembered reading somewhere that people with unresolved daddy issues were prone to developing praise kinks. Was that what this was? Whatever the reason, hearing Aaron talk like that shouldn't make you feel all gooey inside, but here you were, a puddle in running shoes.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yup, fine!"
You stared at the ground so intensely, it was a miracle you didn't bore a hole into the pavement. Your voice had betrayed you, far too shaky and way too rushed, and you knew Aaron was probably filing away every bit of your reaction.
"Hey," he said softly, his hand brushing against the back of your neck as he spoke. "Stop staring at the ground. You'll run better if you keep your head up—it'll open your chest so you can breathe easier."
His hand lingered for a second too long than what your body could handle, leaving you completely flustered and fighting every urge to do exactly the opposite of what he said.
"There you go," he murmured, a small, approving smile tugging at his lips. "That's good, honey. Just like that."
His voice—his god forsaken voice—was like a jolt to your system, and not in a good way. Or maybe it was a good way, which was the problem. It was bad enough to hearing it out here, on the jogging trail, but your brain decided to replay it in an entirely different inappropriate context: one that involved you, him, and a bed.
Your face burned, and you couldn't tell if it was from the exertion, or the very real possibility that your body was too receptive to those words. And now, not only were you fighting for every breath, but you were trying to figure out if the dampness between your legs was entirely from sweat. Surely it was sweat. Right? Gods, you hoped it was sweat.
You stopped so suddenly that Aaron jogged a few steps ahead before he realized you were not longer beside him.
"Okay, I'm calling it. I'm done. Can we please go home now?"
He jogged back to you, an easy smile on his face, and placed his hands on your shoulders as he reached you.
"Alright, we can be done," he teased, thumbs brushing lightly over your collarbones. "You survived, and you did great. I'm proud of you."
He leaned down then, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your lips that made the ache in your body a little easier to ignore.
When he pulled away, you barely managed to keep standing.
Aaron let out a low laugh, his hands squeezing your shoulders. "Alright. What's going on? What's wrong with you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," you said over your shoulder, practically power walking towards the car.
Aaron's laugh deepened and you ignored the funny feeling curling in your chest.
"Sweetheart," he said, gently tugging your elbow to slow you down. "Come on, talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about, I'm fine!" You avoided his eyes as you tugged your elbow free. "I'm just tired, and, uh, need a shower."
A cold shower, your brain screamed, but you shoved the thought down.
"I know, I know you're tired," he said, lips curving into a smile, "but that's because you actually pushed yourself. I'm proud of you for sticking with it."
You were pretty convinced you were you were about to go up in flames. Your obituary would read death by too many unnecessary compliments. When your heart inevitably gave out, Aaron would have to explain to Rossi and the others how his dumb smile and sweet words had resulted in second degree manslaughter.
But then you saw it—the smirk. The one that said he absolutely knew what he was doing.
"Oh my gosh, you know!" You groaned and threw your hands in the air. "You know, and you're enjoying this!"
Spinning away from him, you stormed to the car, and slammed the door like it might shield you from his stupidly smug face.
You barely had time to exhale before the passenger door swung open, revealing Aaron, casually leaning against the car.
"You know," he said lightly, his tone far too casual for your liking, "slamming car doors isn't a great habit. You could hurt yourself."
"And you know," you snapped back, pointing at him, "torturing your girlfriend isn't a great habit either!"
He leaned in slowly, his fingers brushing against your shoulder as he grabbed your seatbelt. As he clicked it into place, his face lingered close to yours.
"I wasn't trying to torture you, baby. Just wanted to give you the chance to admit it—that you liked it."
Before you could muster a reply, Aaron's hand slid up to cradle your face, his thumb moving along your cheek. He leaned in, capturing your lips in a kiss that was so deep, leaving you no choice but to sink into it, even as the faint remnants of your annoyance tried to surface.
By the time he pulled back, you felt like you were under his spell. Then, without another word, he shut your door and headed to the driver's side.
"That's not fair," you muttered, crossing your arms and pouting as you stared out the window.
Aaron's hand found the back of your neck as he backed out of the parking spot, rubbing gently into smooth circles.
"I don't mean to be unfair," he said with a small smile. "I just needed to hear it, because sometimes people don't even realize what they need until they say it out loud. And I wanted to make sure I didn't misread anything—though I'm rarely wrong, as you know."
"Trust me, you remind me every chance you get." Your tone was dry, but you were well aware that the twitch in your lip was giving you away.
"Alright, smartass," he said, chuckling as his fingers pressed a little firmer into your neck. "Now tell me—how does it make you feel when I say those things to you?"
You groaned, burying your face in your hands. "I don't know, okay? I just... like it! Do I have to explain it?"
"You don't have to explain it if you don't want to," he said, "but I'd like to know what it is you like so much."
Aaron's hand moved from your neck to your hand, his fingers sliding between each of yours while his eyes stayed glued to the road, a thing that only came from months of familiar motions.
You let out a long breath. "I don't know. I just like hearing it. It makes me feel good. Special, I guess."
"You are special, sweetheart." His eyes flicked to you before returning to the road. "You're my best girl."
Your stomach flipped violently. You shifted again, trying to disguise the way your thighs pressed together tightly as your face burned hotter than ever. The debate earlier in your head was officially over—absolutely not just sweat, you thought miserably.
Aaron let out a soft chuckle, fingers brushing over your knuckles. "Something I said?"
You swatted his shoulder, your glare losing all its bite thanks to the flush all over your body. "You're enjoying this way too much."
"I can't help it," he murmured, voice dipping just enough to get you on edge. "But don't worry—I'll take care of my best girl once we're home."
You slumped in your seat, muttering something unintelligible that made Aaron chuckle again. And even though you wouldn't admit it, you found yourself smiling, already dreading and anticipating whatever he had planned when you got home.
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join my taglist here!
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letsyapthenightaway · 1 day ago
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Nico Hischier x plus size!reader
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Not grammar or spell checked.
I still feel like I can't get Nico right but I wanted to post him.
Nico Hischier seems like he gives amazing cuddles. He just looks so sweet and cozy! I'm adding him to the list of players I think would like a plus size woman. I feel like he would admire you so much! He looks at you like you hung the moon and stars even before dating.
He wouldn't be touchy like Jack but he itches for it. Taps his fingers on whatever he can so they stay off of you, he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. Looks at you a couple times almost like he is reading you, trying to figure you out. If he notices you are leaning into him a lot he would take the chance to wrap his arm around you. I feel like he wouldn't be much of a squeezer, only occasionally squeezing your plush hips.
I feel like he would be right in the middle of how I describe the two Hughes devils. Not as blunt and outgoing as Jack but definitely not as shy as Luke. Definitely one of those situations when everyone knows he likes you except you.
The first date would probably be at a bakery or something similar. Maybe even a small activity together as long as it screams cozy because he just gives me that vibe. I'm torn here, I wanna say he is a calm at home guy but I also feel like he'd try to rope you up in some outdoor activities. If you aren't an athletic person he'd forget that you can't keep up with him. Or just can't do things because of being bigger. I feel like he would forget you are plus size, he doesn't see you for your size.
If you feel insecure he wouldn't sugar coat anything. Would reassure you by telling you how he sees you in his eyes but won't downplay what you think or feel. Of course he doesn't want you to feel insecure, he thinks your fucking gorgeous! But he can see why you feel like that, people aren't nice. He just makes sure to love and appreciate you more openly.
I feel like he doesn't notice when he speaks in his first language. He is so comfortable with you he will just start talking away. It's not until he sees your face that he's like, oh. Especially when sleepy and cuddling, he gives me big spoon vibes. His head would be in your shoulder, eyes closed, and mumbling away. He'd be so happy when he sees you actually understanding him or responding to him. Even if it's just a couple words he is celebrating them.
The team's favorite past time is teasing you both.
I feel like a fan would make a "Mama y Papa" TikTok.
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haveihitanerve · 1 day ago
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youtube
This brilliant little backstage scene deserves to be shared with the world and because i am who i am i also have to add my thoughts- once again, ignore them and just watch the vid if you so please :)
Tim casually sprinting away, what a delightful man :) 
The way they have like… feet on either side of the stage, lots of space, but Tom and Sam are sitting right next to each other, absolutely not even an inch between them, legs and arms touching, talking about best first dates??? My heart😭
“Mainly… balance.” Both Tom and Sam’s shoulders moving in the same way when they laugh- 
The way Tom is looking at Sam while listening-
“That would be amazing!” “that sounds awful.” the dichotomy lmaooo
“One of us? There's four of us?” Sam i love you so much- he automatically thinks of the other two not present they are like so close i'm gonna cry-
“I always think of the collective.” 😭💗💗
“How do you not understand how basic conversation works?” ribbing each other, the way true friends do, beautiful
Sam: *makes unidentifiable noises back to mock him*
“Tom!” The way Tom’s head snaps over to look at AJ, and Sam peters out to look over too. So responsive 😭
“I'm so glad we’re committing to that.” Tom i love you-
AJ just being the Tech King while Sam casually helps. Idk its domestic and cute ok leave me alone..
Tom’s “oooooh.” as AJ changes the lights- while casually not helping and being on his phone as Sam and AJ figure out the lights (jk hes probably doing admin stuff but its funny)
Joe: *slams into a chair* ow. Sam: *snickers* its a bit dark in the room AJ: *scoff laughs back*
The way they debrief is just amazing idk why but its so cute to see, they're supportive but still critical, but like constructively critical, and still supportive of each other. Plus the metaphors are great, and the laughing at each other
“Each of their… utterances.” The way AJ is smiling at Tom i cant-
“JAMES was a good man before we lost him.” “killed him.” XD
Gotta be honest maybe they were just showing the best clip, but the A-Z game is pretty fucking good. I think its the audience’s fault tbh, they're not hype enough
The explanation of how games come to be and how they figure it out is sooo good, im always nerdy and want to learn the thoughts/plans/processes behind it all so thank you!!!
“He says softly. Lets go get you onto a mechanical bull.” Sam contemplating what on earth to do with that. “NI HAO!” aaaand there comes AJ out of left field, perfect. Sam now utterly baffled, glorious
“That was joyous! That was good!” Sam coming in saying it was good when AJ and Tom were just complaining- but the way he immediately catches that they didn't feel exactly as confident about it as he did and going “no?” to just check and make sure, looking between both and not just one- brb crying they're such good friends he picks up on that-
Aj’s look at the camera lol “👀do you see this man?”
“Did that go alright?” the immediate reassurance they gave him-
“It feels like you have to start fucking-” “rowing.” finishing each others sentences and a good metaphor- i'm fine
AJ and Sam arguing as DaVinci and Michelangelo gives me life-
“It turns out i just made up a word.” idk who cameraman joe is, but i love him. Real
“Thats the straight white guy philosophy. Say it with confidence and keep walking.” I love how they address it and yet can joke about it, really refreshing 💗
“Stay safe, stay sexy.” thank you Sam, thats my life moto from now on
“And AJ anything from you?”... “I had a really fun time!” Yay!!!
“I’m pissed off. My clues.. were fucking genius. And the audience.. didn't get ‘em” Yes Aj, you tell ‘em!
“And the guys.. *voice crack/half sob* didn't even bother to try and like- *near tears* fucking- make a thing like-” *laughs* oh AJ, poor baby XD
“They just looked at me and then went: “i have a different clue!” Great!” sadness AJ, its ok, they still love you lol
Tom and Sam both in the same position watching AJ’s “genius clues” -Sam’s face of utter confusion and Tom just watching in interest trying to understand it at all
“You know, I also have a clue-” AJ’s slight smile. “I’m very glad because I have no idea what the fuck that was-” AJ having to laugh slightly at that
“Fucking shit im out of here!” *tries to do the cool storm out, but is also checking to see if he left anything behind, kinda ruining it XD*
“I have to know about the Nazi chinchilla-” firstly its wonderful explanation??? I guess, kinda makes sense- but let me just point out to you lovely people that Aj, in the background, downs his beer, steps up right behind Sam, and then takes his beer and also drinks his, and Sam just watches and nods- they’re too fucking cute what the heck-
Also AJ’s face mocking Sam in the background as he starts to explain- idk what prompted it, but it was hilarious
“What was the rant about?” “My clues were fucking great-” Sam: *starts cackling like ‘sure buddy, sure’*
“I got that one! I said that!” defending that he understands his friend- 😭
“I got it. I appreciated that one.” Calms AJ down slightly, so cute
Sam: *slips in advertisement as AJ casually blames the audience*
Aj and Sam’s hug at the end😭 cuties
Anyway thats it :) they're cute and yeah. 
also! where was luke??????
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max1461 · 7 hours ago
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I feel very bad and weird. I feel that something bodily is not working, uh. It's really hard to explain. I don't even know how to explain it. What it feels like it:
certain people's "identities" or "profile pictures in my mind" were deleted from my mind, so I still have factual knowledge of those people and I have memories featuring them, but they feel fake. They feel like people from a dream or something, not like they're real people, even though I know they're real.
The emotions associated with these people are still just as strong, but it's like they aren't attached to anything. They surge through me really intensely but find no place to rest. Uh it's like, I know factually who they're about but it doesn't "click", my brain can't find the person in its database or something so the emotion just comes up and then attaches to whatever I'm doing or whoever I happen to be talking to.
This was mostly just distressing and disorienting at first, but now that it's been two months I genuinely feel like I'm factually losing track of which feeling go with which people, because they keep coming up and re-attaching and it's confusing. I'm sad because I feel like I'm losing my sense of who my friends are, and I'm distressed because it feels very violating, like my relationships and memories are being invaded by whatever my brain happens to be thinking about at the time.
I'm scared that if this goes on long enough, I'll totally lose track and not be able to figure out what was what.
I don't know medically what it's happening. Everyone says it sounds like a TLE symptom but the problem is it's too consistent. It's not like I'm getting confused and then getting things a little more straight and then getting more confused, or whatever. It's totally black-and-white: these people's entries in my mental database have just been deleted, they're gone, there's no flux or whatever. That is not how I understand TLE to work, where confusion peaks after a seizure and then your mind kind of sorts things out, there should be an arc to it. Moreover I am not confused about anything else: it is literally just this, and things that feel like a knock-on effect of this. It feels very one-note.
MRI picked up nothing, which means no structural damage (there could still be damage but it would be micro scale). Also I wasn't hit in the head, this happened after anesthesia. So whatever happened had to be diffuse, right, it couldn't have targeted some specific region. And yet it feels like very specific information is fucked, and that's it. Everything else is fine, except for things that rely on this information (which, unfortunately, is a lot, because the people who's identities are messed up are people I think about pretty much daily, and with whom I associate all sorts of familiar activities and so on; there's pretty much no way to not think about it even if I'm trying).
WHAT is going on
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therookerydatv · 2 days ago
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This is a non-Veilguard post but it is a Solas post and a Varric post so buckle in.
Background: I joined a Veilguard Discord server because I'm insane, and we were discussing Cole and the whole choice to make him a Spirit or more Human, and it almost got into an argument but thankfully it figured quickly, but I was still thinking about it because something about it all rubbed me the wrong way. A lot of people lamented their choice in making Cole more Human or cheered that making Cole more Spirit was the correct choice because of Solas' own regrets and pains that came about from him gaining a mortal body.
Subjectively I have always chosen to make him more human, but I guess me choosing as a player is different from within the context of Inquisition. In DA:I every choice you make has consequences, sometimes trying to backpedal out of a choice once you're far enough in will result in you not getting your way because that's what it all is, Choices and Consequences. As much as the result of Cole's change is on you the player, it's really a Consequence of your favoring Varric or Solas' method.
Solas' entire view of Cole's predicament is colored by his own negative experience of having a body and living in the physical world, waking up to a physical world where the Veil was created just amplifies that regret in pain, every instance of him trying to help with his Wisdom becomes something worse to him personally (All that Wisdom and he can't help himself) but with Cole he actually can help! He can fix this, with not only Wisdom but experience! He's become a person, he doesn't like being a person(and then he does because of the Inquisitor, I feel this is true romance or friendship), so Solas knows that Cole can 'return'(made) more Spirit and the confliction will end.
Varrics positions, his view, I feel is colored by the people he couldn't help, the ones he couldn't help get their revenge or solve their problem in time in a way where no one could get hurt (Cole literally reminds him of Anders just in reverse) And this time, Varric knows better, he knows how to fix this, he knows how to not blow up the Chantry, he can fix it this time. (This time the love will be enough!!)
Objectively, both are answers, I don't think either of them are right, because it's one influence over the other, but a choice has to be made otherwise he'd become a demon.
Solas and Varric are having their idealogical battle(custody battle) over which direction Cole needs to go in to avoid binding or demonhood(which college to send him to). The added layer VG adds to this and every banter Solas and Varric have is also fascinating, because outwardly it's an Elf and a funny Dwarf fighting over the tall awkward Human child, but after VG??? After those regrets??? Girl...
But I feel that reducing that scene to Solavellan at times is... disingenuous, when really, it's a Solvarric scene of we're being objective.
This is THE custody battle of all time. (My weed kicked in bear with me)
Solas' version of his world doesn't exist anymore, the world with no Veil and spirits essentially pillaging the bodies of the Titans to gain bodies doesn't exist anymore, the first victims of what the Elvhen did calls him Chuckles, a demonym in true friendly jest to him, it's the first thing Varric calls him when he reaches out to talk to him at the beginning of Veilguard, up until that point he calls him Solas, the Dread Wolf, Fen'Harel.
Varric is a result of years of time happening to the version of the World Solas brought about. Its...it's like God is talking to a creation of his that has every right to hate him, to want to desire to go back before all the bad shit, and instead Varric says, okay, get the anger out, how do you feel now? Empty? That's okay too, take your time.
Solas is a weary traveler ready to end it all and Varric is the equally weary traveler who says, tell me about it, and then talks your ear off so much you start believing in the world again.
Basically, Varric's method is to embrace the history and the scars, embrace the hurt and once it's done, get something to eat. Varric forgives but doesn't forget, his plan has Cole let go of his anger in the end, but Cole will remember the hurt he felt, and inflicted and so will the people he inflicted them on.
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mueritos · 12 hours ago
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some autism thoughts!
so im feeling more and more comfortable with naming I'm autistic, both in public and online, and being open has come with some nice benefits. People who I felt strangely connected to during my program have re-entered my life (mostly cuz we have an overlapping schedule at some point during the week) and have told me about their journeys into getting assessed. A woman in my program who gave me a tangle fidget toy like 2 weeks into knowing me is thanking me for being so nonchalant about my autism. and i thanked her because she had with no hesitation given me that tangle when she noticed me picking at my skin, and now we are chatting about her writing down her symptoms and connecting on that.
similarly, being open about myself has allowed neurodivergent people around me to not fear being curious. they ask me questions, and I get the chance to ask questions back. a colleague of mine has a psychotic disorder that he's lived with his whole life, and I get to learn about his lived experience and what he's gone through because of sanism, and he gets to learn about my lived experience and how I struggle with social and sensory stuff. Similarly, I get to talk to my supervisor about his adhd, and he can make jokes about not needing a DSM-5 to diagnose me because he has worked extensively with autistic clients and knows that the diagnostic criteria does not speak at all to the lived experience of many autistics. It feels very validating to be seen by others and not be challenged on this part of me that feels very vulnerable, especially considering I'm still figuring it out and growing into it. And, at the same time, it feels so affirming to be able to work with autistic clients and be able to stim in session, allow them to take their time to speak, and approach them nonjudgementally. Some of my favorite sessions have been with people who can take up to 2-3 minutes of silence before responding to my questions! I just feel myself vibrate with excitement at the chance to let someone live their authentic self. I'll sit in as much silence needed if it means someone can have the time to process their thoughts.
at the same time, I carry a lot of anger. Anger that I can never go back to the way I lived just a few years ago. I spent over a year being severely to passively suicidal, barely holding onto life and the very foundation of my relationships to others, and I've come out an entirely new person. No longer do I feel the need to carry the burden of communication--I can only account for what I say and do. No longer do I feel the need to force myself out of the house when I don't want to, or to stay out later than wanted, or to pressure myself to say yes to other's because I should be doing things that other people my age are doing. I find so much joy and pleasure in sitting at home, in my pjs, watching video essays about Sonic the Hedgehog, or dinosaurs, or some youtuber drama. I am so so focused on making sure I never have to feel the way I did again, that I just cannot live the way I used to ever again.
i dunno! autism is weird and hard and fun and also a neutral thing about me. everyday I learn something new and try to strive for new coping techniques and joy :)
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toxicanonymity · 1 day ago
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get to know people
ty for the tags @milla-frenchy, @sunshineispunk, @iamasaddie, @tateypots 💛. I'm tagging you 🫵 and no pressure tagging 10 of you: @dark-scape @quaritchscupquake @whateverloomis @megangovier @xdaddysprincessxx @covetyou @romanarose @aurorawritestoescape @bitchesuntitled @noxturnalnymph sorry if you already did it.
I feel kinda vulnerable (and yet boring at the same time) talking about myself, but one of my goals is to let people know me as more of a person. 🩷
what's the origin of your blog title?: I have a taste for toxic characters, and i was hastily picking a url that would give me more anonymity. this old buzzword floated into my head from 15 yrs ago--I get a kick out of buzzwords that fizzle out so fast they become associated with a very specific point in time. I got the URL on an impulse and figured I could change it once I thought of the perfect url.... Meanwhile I've had plenty of asks and stalkers who themselves embody the old buzzword's meaning: the way a veil of anonymity emboldens hate and toxicity. I just wanted my veil to write porn, man.
favorite fandoms: impossible to say. too many factors.
OTP(s) + shipname: Michael Myers & Corey Cunningham (cunningmyers). it's a deep and fucked up bond, very dark and sexually charged. (Cue father figure 🎶) In my HCs I don't imagine anything soft, affectionate, or monogamous. it's pining and worship from Corey, dominance and dark energy from Michael and his monster cock. And when they kill together, god I love that.
favorite color: depends. My electronics & cases are blue, and I like to wear soft blues. also brown and olive green to wear. Black & salmon/peach: god tier combo.
favorite game: scrabble, trivia, jigsaw puzzles, nyt spelling bee, W.E.L.D.E.R., crosswords, guessing games. I've been trying to learn how to play poker which is great entertainment for @dark-scape.
song stuck in your head: none but I make up songs for my cat and I was singing one earlier about how sweet and nice she is. update: take me to church by hozier
weirdest habit/trait?: idk, really.
hobbies: lounging, research and learning, going to movies, watching miniseries, walking, writing but mostly in my head, taking elaborate baths, reading. getting organized this yr, minimalizing, donating things I don't need. would like to get back into candle-making and painting or clay sculpting.
if you work, what's your profession? Pass. I do work, though.
if you could have any job you wish what would it be? It would be cool to make a living off writing. But, ideally get rich with minimal effort and then financially support an animal sanctuary so I could go chill with the animals whenever I want. also, publicize & investigate missing persons cases that don't get enough attention.
something you're good at: finding four leaf clovers. Cobbling together cosplay from thrift store finds. having ideas. character development & world building.
something you're bad at: socializing, but I want to do better. I'm shy to begin with and some of my experiences here haven't helped. But I promise I don't bite. I'm also bad at staying focused, keeping an uncluttered mind, second-guessing my story plans and not ending them.
something you love: having a pet. I feel so lucky to have a (not so) little furball who enjoys my company and has a personality and lets me take care of her.
something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: not usually super talkative. hmm. predictions about the year ahead - love to hear peoples' thoughts on this (sports, pop culture, archaeology, food & makeup trends, etc.). unsolved mysteries.
something you hate: I don't wanna get anyone worked up with a rant so I'm just gonna say canned spinach. Haven't had it since childhood but I can still taste it
something you collect: I'm not sure I collect anything. I keep a lot of greeting cards received with photos.
something you forget: what I came in the room for, why I opened the app, just about anything.
what's your love language?: little gestures (gifts/acts of service), praise
favorite movie/show: here's my letterboxd
favorite food: fresh pasta w/ olive oil and fresh parmesan
favorite animal: too many to list
what were you like as a child? pensive, curious, loved the circus and Halloween. my mom likes to tell the story of when I was 18 months old and an old friend of hers came to meet me and I explained what a parallelagram was and it freaked her out.
favorite subject(s) at school? English and Spanish
least favorite subject? anything that was straight memorization. But I wish I tried harder.
what's your best character trait? I care about people
what's your worst character trait? easily distracted and forgetful, can be slow to respond, recovering perfectionist
if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? That I had to do any work at all
if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? a big, hot guy who captures me but won't kill me if I escape to come back to this timeline.
recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!):
hounds of hell by @aurorawritestoescape and @milla-frenchy 🐨🙏
some more favorites
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fashion-foxy · 2 days ago
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As someone who has been in the EAH and Descendants fandoms, here's my perspective:
Point 1) Descendants didn't get EAH cancelled.
Yes, it kinda did. Eah media is a doll ad first and compelling story second. Descendants gets to be a story first and a doll ad second. Mattel (owners of the eah franchise) at the time of the Eah cancellation and the Descendants (2016 and 2015 respectively) the general public was growing more and more conscious of unrealistic beauty standards for women and had a growing resentment towards stereotypically feminine things (like dolls). This was obviously very bad news for a doll ad. On top of this, Eah's much more successful sister franchise, MH, was dropping in sales, leading Mattel to eventually reboot the series and resetting the lore (making Eah even less relevant). Finally, Mattel had the license from Disney to make Disney Princess dolls. During 2015, Mattel was obviously more focused on Barbie and MH than Disney dolls. This led to Disney not renewing Mattel's license and giving it to Hasbro. This, along with MH losing value, made Mattel lose a LOT of money. EAH, at this point, was on life support, but ultimately, the final nail in the Eah glass coffin was (in my opinion) the launch of Descendants. All of EAH's very small market share was very quickly taken up by Disney. When Disney had Hasbro make Descendants dolls, it was all over for EAH, resulting in its cancellation. Descendants didn't kill EAH but it was the final nail in the coffin.
Point 2) The Descendants movies are good.
Very subjective, I'm not going to say you're wrong for liking or not liking any piece of media, but I am ultimately writing an argument in favour of EAH. I will try to be as unbiased as possible, but I'm sure my biases will be made very apparent.
The original 3 Descendants movies were very good at introducing compelling themes, ideas, and characters, but they never could quite stick the landing and make a satisfying conclusion to anything they introduced. Off the top of my head, here are the most obvious examples in semi chronological order:
The Isle of the Lost:
Really cool fucked up dystopian idea! I loved the franchise focusing on villain kids who had done nothing wrong being imprisoned for life. However, the decision to bring down the barrier felt like it came out of nowhere as most of D3 was about Mal having to deal with actually figuring out how to rule and learning her actions had consequences and than the ending was "actually no the Isle is too fucked to keep" I agree with this but I do feel like they should have had SOME plan for if the hundreds potentially thousands of people imprisoned for 20 years decided they needed revenge.
Mal using magic to "fix" girls appearances:
Extremely cool! I love her being a fucked up fairy godmother in an attempt to get close to actual fairy godmother but the ending of the subplot being Jane is so insecure that she steals the wand felt like and empty twist. Also, Mal's apology felt very empty.
Mal spelling Ben into loving her:
Let me preface this with saying I love my boy Benjamin. Love this plot. The first date was sweat, yet it filled me with dread on first watch because I was sure Ben would at least be somewhat upset with her. Then the carriage scene! Him just casually saying he knew! The look on her face! His downright manic laughter! I was so excited! And then Ben said it was fine and he still loved her. All of the excitement instantly left my body. I feel like he should have been a little mad about it, but I guess he was operating under the assumption that she had a crush on him, and she never corrects him?! I guess we kind of got Ben blowing up on her in the opening of D2, but then he instantly blames himself. Like, Benny, no, she tried to erase your memory. This isn't your fault.
Uma spelling Ben into loving her/Ben being kidnapped:
I find it fucking hilarious that Ben is perpetually a damsel in distress with these movies. Something I don't love is that he is way too forgiving! Ben sweetie, no, she also spelled you into loving her. Don't jump into the water! I did love Harry and Ben's chemistry on the ship, definitely otp (not saying much cause I dislike pretty much everyone else). Basically, same complaints as Mal spelling Ben.
The OctoUma vs. DragonMal fight:
I was so hyped! Then Ben jumped in the water. No epic fight, and Uma just swam away. Missed opportunity.
D3 Audrey:
Love her being a villain. Don't love that she has no consequences for her actions.
Audrey cursing Ben:
Ben, did you not fucking apologize?! I get he was spelled but wtf man! At this point, just give up with women it's a lost cause, my dude. Same complaints with Audrey as Mal and Uma.
Overall, my rating of the original 3 Descendants movies is 5/10, definitely a crashed landing, especially with the 'Yay Girl Power' shit they were trying to do, which just made it so Mal, Uma, and Audrey didn't have to deal with consequences of their actions.
Point 3) Descendants Copied EAH
I think, at best, for Disney, they used very similar concepts and ideas. However, this never went to court, so I can't legally say Descendants is just straight up a copyright infringement. But the case MGA vs. Mattel, I believe, is relevant because the United States uses a thing called case law, meaning that the result of old cases can influence the result of new cases (extremely simplified explanation) . About the actual case, basically, the extremely simplified version of this case is that MGA had extremely popular doll line Bratz, Mattel saw that and said "yeah let's do that, but like Barbie," and made myscene MGA saw this and sued Mattel. Main talking points include:
- 4 characters all of different races (very weird argument makes a tad more since when you look at the dolls)
- Stylized bodies. For example: big lips, big eyes, small waist. (Basically true, Mattel straight up just made Barbie Bratz dolls)
- The fashion. (I mean, yes. Mattel doesn't dress dolls to look like teenagers. Especially not popular teenagers. This is Mattels only line where they look very much like popular girls. While MGA dolls are filled with pop culture references)
MGA lost the case. Which I take to mean that if it would go to court it'd be a similar situation where Descendants I'd different enough it legally wouldn't be an issue but fucking look at this:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Also Merlin Academy is reconning old Descendants lore to make it have basically the same destiny system as EAH. Also, not an especially big piece of 'evidence' but in the song Love Ain't it, the QOH says "...and fear is more important if we're gonna rule for centuries" which is similar to when the EQ says "it's better to be feared than forgotten." Both in the context of evil mom telling good daughter to take over the world with them. But who knows! It's just a serious of very similar concepts. I do ultimately think that Descendants was at least inspired by EAH as early Descendants' concept art is vastly different than what we got.
Point 4) EAH is not lacking in content
Very hard disagree. Our show got cancelled after a significant twist was revealed. Darling Charming and Apple White were revealed to be destined lovers after they kissed. I seem to recall a cut kiss between Harry Hook and Gil (check the actors Instagram) at least our show can have a queer kiss take place! "Just write fanfiction!" Is ignoring 1) we have and will continue to, and 2) we will never get a proper conclusion to the story. But I suppose this isn't something that you would get mad about since no Descendants movie has ever had a proper conclusion. (As I've established above.)
TL;DR - 1)Yes, it did. 2)Not really. 3)Depends on your interpretation of copyright law, but I think yes. 4) Eah got cut off after a major twist, so we are missing at least a warp up.
Nah cause why are EAH fans literally incapable of enjoying the show without bringing another film down?💀 “Omg I can’t believe they cancelled it for descendants—“ buddy, no they didn’t. There were no official statements of EAH being “cancelled”. Also, the descendants movies are good? And no, just because they share similar concepts DOES NOT mean that descendants was “copying” EAH. And idk why the EAH fandom is acting like they’re lacking content as if they don’t have, what, 5 whole ass seasons of the show? Also, if you’re “lacking content” so badly, then just make it yourself? Make edits, write fanfiction, draw fanart. You don’t gotta bring down a show that other people love just because you don’t know how to enjoy media without comparing it to other media💀
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cementcornfield · 2 months ago
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Did you see the clip of Joe yesterday?
Is it a clip now? Oh lord....was it funny at least?
It was the first time he ever used the F word in a conference.
He cursed? Y'all lying...I be trying to get him to curse, he don't curse when I'm talking to him...
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iraprince · 11 months ago
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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elialys · 8 months ago
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She’d been a whirlwind in his neatly structured life, a burst of colours in a rather bleak landscape; the best friend he never knew he was always meant to have, until he was pouring his heart out to her, and she just held him tighter.
Splintered
(Helen x Dale, post-season 2)
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aceredshirt13 · 4 months ago
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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)
I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.
he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"
#red randomness#p. g. wodehouse#he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife#that i truly didn't expect this at all#i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace#especially due to the wife thing#but while he certainly may have been ace on some level#i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao#i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades#because he really didn't even need to bring it up#of course i am open to evidence to the contrary#i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail#even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise#the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo#also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage#because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday#opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this#please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him#but by the same token neither does anyone else#i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay#despite evidence to the contrary#or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best#everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all#(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)
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starflungwaddledee · 1 year ago
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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?
so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!
#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander#if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30#also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH#again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG#also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later#probably#wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b
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