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furiousgoldfish · 28 days ago

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I want to talk about a situation that happened when I was a kid, and even though this particular instance did not traumatize me (that I know of), it still deals with traumatic themes, such as physical abuse, attempted murder and severe neglect, so be careful if you're reading on! I'll explain at the end why I'm talking about it, and also psychoanalyze what I think was going on.

When I was about 6-9 years old, I had a strong conviction that my father was going to kill me. He would lock me into the basement and hurt me, and even though the injuries weren't lethal, I could feel the intent, he was out of control, not watching where he was hitting, if he was going to break my bones or not, it was erratic, terrifying. I love how I prefaced this with 'oh this didn't traumatize me' and then I started with that, but it's just the context to the actual story. That first part did probably traumatize me, I remember little of it.

Since I felt that my life was in peril, I decided, logically, that I needed to kill him before he kills me. It was justified I would defend my life with all I had. So I sneaked into the basement room, and searched for something that I could use for a weapon, next time he shuts me in there. I found one, memorized where it was, and then I was ready.

It came soon after, the event of me being alone with him in the basement, him out of control, attacking me, and again, I felt like I was about to be killed. So I grabbed a metal pole hidden next to the fireplace, used my full strength and hit him on the head with it. He fell down, and stopped moving.

I panicked then. He looked dead. I let myself out of the basement (I knew where the key was) and yelled for mother, telling her that I killed him, but I had to, because he was going to kill me. When we got back to where he was lying down, blood was trickling out of his nose. But my mother wasn't panicking like I was, she could probably see him breathing. Then he sat up.

I was even more scared then, because if he wasn't dead, then he knew I just tried to kill him, and would come after me even worse. But he didn't. He didn't even look at me. He wiped his nose, seeming completely calm, rage from before completely gone, talking only to the other family members, who seemed concerned about him.

I was told, that it's good for me that I didn't kill him, because had I done that, I would have been imprisoned for murder for the rest of my life. And other than that, everyone ignored me. Nobody talked to me, or had anything to say about the entire event. Father ignored me as well. I was not punished. Nobody was even mad at me. Nothing else was done.

The 'you'll go to prison forever if you kill him' line worked on me, because I didn't know the law, I didn't know that we don't incarcerate little kids; I was underage. They lied to me. So next time when he got me close to that feeling of 'I'm about to be murdered', I had no way to defend myself. If I killed him I would go to prison. I had no choice but to just let him do whatever and not retalliate in any significant way. Sad and painful.

Thinking back later on this event, it was bewildering to me that I was not punished whatsoever for a murder attempt, despite getting punished for bullshit like 'talking back' or 'having an unpleasant face expression'. This was common; I could be severely punished for leaving a door open, but when I did something big, like hurt a sibling, or threaten someone, or hit my father with a metal pole in the head, there was no consequences whatsoever, nobody would have even talked to me about it. I wondered if this was just because they loved that shit, they loved watching me grow into the same violent, brutal and sadistic person they all were, because then they could go 'you're no different than us', and be right. But, unlike them, once I knew something I did hurt another person, I wouldn't do it again; I did horrible things just because I was a kid, and all adults around me were horrible, and I mimicked them, as kids do. They wouldn't punish me for mimicking their awful behaviour because they approved of that, and they didn't care if my siblings were hurt because they loved hurting children anyway.

This also reinforces the theory that punishment is just an excuse to hurt a child, because these were the legitimate reasons to invoke consequences, but they never did, punishments were dished out when they felt like torturing someone and at that point, any face expression could have been an excuse enough. They didn't care about raising a kid or teaching them right and wrong, it was all just self-serving acts of sadistic pleasure.

But to let a murder attempt fly? I thought about it more today, and realized that maybe, they were shocked I did that. Maybe it was an unpleasant surprise to find out, that under severe stress, I would make an attempt at their lives. Maybe finding out that I just tried to kill one of them, made them not want to immediately try and do more violence to me. Maybe they were concerned that I injured their family member, and were more preoccupied with that. Maybe the logistics of 'this child just attempted to kill someone' made them slightly less secure in their 'beating children is normal and good' culture, maybe it signaled to them that beating children could be, in fact, a little dangerous. Of course this didn't make them not wanna do it, they just needed to persuade the child to take it and not retalliate, thus 'you'll go to prison if you do that', and afterwards they felt comfortable again, sure that justice is on their side. To make things more sinister, beating children was not even illegal in my country during that time, so what they were doing to me wasn't punishable by law. But if I retalliated, I was a criminal, according to them.

Hitting children did become illegal by the time I was 9, but conveniently nobody bothered informing me, and I would live many more years in belief that violence towards me was normal, necessary and completely legal, hell I believed that even killing me was legal, because everyone was acting like it very much was and were threatening it left and right.

So the reason I'm thinking about this event, is that I just got some great news. My father has colon cancer. He's currently hospitalized about it. I don't know what stage it is, but the mortality rate for it is high. He might die. He might die.

I am overjoyed. I am hopeful, I am thrilled, I could not be more happy about this. What I started with that pole in the basement, might get finished. If he dies I am free. If he dies, my version of what happened is the only one to exist. I would be safe.

I think my reaction is interesting. Because I know other victims of abuse feel some sort of grief, some sort of pain and guilt for their sick or dying abusers, especially when they're parents, because of the parental bond, and trauma bonding, and victims generally having a lot of empathy and humanity towards abusers. Not me! Apparently my father managed to never even develop the basic parent-child bond with me, and I was ready to kill him by the time I was 6. What kind of shitbag human do you have to be so that your small child tries to kill you with a metal pole and when they hear you're dying, it's the best news of their life? That's such inhumane stuff that all my basic child instincts of attaching to my caretakers got overwritten by the necessity of protecting my life. You did it so badly you messed with human DNA there! Biological instincts voted against your parenthood! Self defense murder was invoked against you. You are ruled out as a bad parent and a life threat by my tiny child instincts.

#tw violence #tw physical abuse #tw child abuse #tw murder attempt #tw assault #abusive parents #toxic parents

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auspicioustidings · 1 year ago

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Firewatch 11

Summary: You just want to sleep, but Price needs you to calm down first.

Words: 2.8k

CW: Kidnapping, light bdsm

When Johnny tried to touch you, you only buried yourself into Simon and glowered at him. He looked wounded, pulling his hand back from where it had been poised to stroke your hair. None of them understood why you were reacting like that. You seemed back to yourself, but then it would stand to reason that you would be most scared of Simon. And yet now you were only too happy to be held by him. Only him.

As far as you were concerned it was a survival tactic. If you were always by Simon, none of them could kill you without going through him. And you weren’t really sure anyone could go through him. He seemed happy enough to play protector, thumb rubbing firm circles into your waist and teeth nibbling at the tip of your ear every so often. You suspected he was probably looking at the others when he did it, gloating. Good.

“You need to eat sweetheart” he purred into your ear.

“Mm, don’t tell me what to do Simon.”

“Bratty even when you’re half dead.”

“Bossy even when I’m being nice.”

He chuckled at that. If he were a better man perhaps he would feel bad that Price, Johnny and Gaz were at the kitchen island looking like grumpy little puppies. As he was not a better man he only shot them a lopsided grin. Why shouldn’t he be happy? You were safe, your temperature was back to normal, you were in his arms and letting his fingers sink into the fat of your waist, letting his teeth lazily graze the skin of your ear. The fear of losing you gave way to how you fit so fucking perfectly against him. He couldn’t help but imagine how else you might fit together, how perfectly warm and wet and tight you’d be around him. Fuck would you let him take you to his bed? He didn't even need to make love to you just yet if you were still stubborn about everything, just hold you, feel your heartbeat and the warmth of your skin proving you were alive.

“Like you nice, should give it to me more often” he said with his hand testing the waters, squeezing the meat of your thigh dangerously close to your ass.

“Don't get used to it, can't imagine it'll be a frequent occurrence.”

You felt the squeeze and your body gave a valiant attempt at arousal, but it was like molasses, sticky and slow moving in your exhaustion. You didn't mind it, if anything it was sort of nice. His chuckle betrayed his own exhaustion a little, the raspiness of it pointing to him having had a very stressful day.

“Then let me enjoy it while it lasts hm? Eat something for me sweetheart.”

Stupid man being stupidly charming. You didn't really feel like eating, you had went past hungry at some point in the cold and now you just wanted to stay cuddled up to someone you were steadfastly believing was safe and go to sleep. He kept jostling you though, a nip to your ear, a squeeze of your thigh or a finger tracing your spine keeping you awake from how it caused little thrills through you.

“You make it.”

“Hm?”

“I'm not eating whatever they made. You make it. Or give me something that's sealed.”

Well that was an alarming thing to hear you mumble softly against him. The smug happiness of having you favour him was rapidly turning into concern. What exactly did you think they were going to do to you? Did you think they would poison you or were you just refusing to eat anything from them out of pettiness?

“Why?”

“I'll make it myself then” you grumbled, pushing away from him even though every fibre of you hated it.

Oh he did not like that if the growl was anything to go by. Simon stood with little warning, an arm banding under your ass to keep you wrapped around him. You tensed, knowing he was going over to the others and not being sure you really wanted to be near them. Price maybe, he had been kind, he was asleep when Johnny and Kyle had been discussing your murder. Second murder you supposed. But you couldn't really be sure he wasn't in on it. Then again you couldn't be sure Simon wasn't, but you didn't have much choice but to believe him.

You were placed lightly on the kitchen island and he took a small step back, forcing you out into the open. You had felt a lot less vulnerable wrapped up in him, face buried in his shoulder. Your skin prickled with the gazes you felt on you.

“I was only gone a few days, what exactly happened in that time that's got you not willing to eat anything they've made?”

“What? That true little bird? You are not starving yourself, you're already in enough trouble for running off like that” Price said, trying to temper himself.

He was off balance with this whole situation. You had seemed on the edge of giving in before he went to sleep (which he now felt incredibly guilty about) and then he wakes up to you gone? And now after letting them rescue you, Simon shows up and you are suddenly only willing to speak to him. You hadn't been refusing to eat before. You had been a brat about it sure, but you hadn't refused.

You looked at Price, not sure how to untangle your feelings towards him. He could not be in on it, surely not. If he had wanted to kill you he could have smothered you while you were in his bed. Johnny spoke and while you didn't mean to, you flinched. Everybody certainly noticed.

“We dinnae ken what's happening in that bonnie– I… baby what's wrong?”

“Back off Johnny.”

“I didnae dae anything!”

While you were glad Simon was telling him off you wished he'd just let you cling to him again. This wasn't a conversation you wanted to have right now, you just wanted to sleep for 16 hours in a warm bed. You'd probably take a warm body in it if it wasn't someone who had openly spoken about killing you.

“Everything seemed fine the other night luv, you were getting along.”

You did glance at Kyle, seeing him look alarmed at how you froze up when he spoke the same way you had for Johnny. He was right, you were getting along. It had been almost peaceful, you had been almost calm. Maybe that had been what they had been waiting for.

“Simon.”

You said his name as a soft plead, hoping you could get out of this conversation. You didn't want to say it out loud. You didn't want to make it real. Because goddamnit you kind of liked them. You liked teasing Johnny when Dosia was horrible to him, you liked watching Kyle cook. It was so stupid of you to fall for it, to find yourself liking them. Please let Price be outside of it, please let him want you alive. Heartbreak twice over was already enough.

There was a stunned sort of silence at your little plea. It wasn't really like you at all, not the you they had been getting to know. These men knew one another well enough that they could each tell that nobody knew what was going on here. This wasn’t you being angry or scared that they were keeping you here. This was something else, and none of them knew why. Price moved into your eye line and you lowered your gaze stubbornly to the ground, but you didn’t seem the same level of upset as you were with Soap or Gaz.

His brow furrowed and he crooked a finger under your chin, making you tilt your head up and look at him. He could feel how agitated Simon had gotten at you saying his name like that, but he also knew that he trusted him with you. He trusted he would make this right. So he stayed where he was, leaning against the kitchen counter and crossing his arms to ensure he wouldn’t reach out while Price tried to fix whatever had went so horribly wrong.

“What’s going on?”

“Failed escape attempt, obviously.”

“Try again little bird.”

Oh, he was using that voice again. That one that oozed authority and made you want to push and push and push until he snapped. Only now you didn’t know what that meant. Part of you hoped he would just backhand you, show you his true colours so you could get over whatever this ridiculous feeling was. Another part badly wanted him to take some sort of control, force your racing thoughts to calm. Fuck you were demented.

“You wanted me to stay put, you should have clipped my wings.”

“That what you want?”

Maybe. Maybe you just wanted them to stop fucking toying with you. You were exhausted, fear and misery had drained you and you just wanted to give in, but your already incredibly wounded pride would really rather he made you give in so you could pretend you had fought it.

“Does it matter what I want John?”

He considered you for a while, the world holding its breath in anticipation. You didn’t realise how tense you really were until he moved his hand to the nape of your neck, tugging you off of the counter, fingers and thumb gripping with enough pressure that it loosened you all at once. The others didn’t intervene as he marched you out of the kitchen and into his office, the click of the lock causing a full body shiver. He was behind you and you just let your eyes softly unfocus on the wall as he bent slightly to speak right into your ear.

“I didn’t want to do this right now. You need rest. But you’re too wound up for that aren’t you little bird? Won’t even eat if we can’t get you calmed down.”

His foot slid between yours, pushing gently to get your legs to widen as he pressed on your neck, bending you over the desk. You didn’t have resistance left to give as you settled on your elbows. His hand running down your spine made you sigh.

“This… it doesn’t change anything” you said softly as tugged on your sweatpants, getting access to the bare swell of your ass.

“Course not. Bet’s still on, and I still intend to win.”

–

Gaz couldn’t sleep. He was half tempted to do what Soap had done and sneak into Ghost’s bed for some form of bloody comfort. He hadn’t seen you since Price had taken you into that office, although they all knew exactly what would have happened in there. He knew you were due punishment for running away like that, but it unsettled him that it had happened so soon. You weren’t right yet, you were still… well he didn’t know. That was the problem. Shock he could understand, but he thought they had warmed you up and got you lucid again. And then you had looked at him like you were scared of him. You had never looked at him like that before, not even when you had been spitting mad and screaming at Soap.

He trusted Price, he knew that he’d figure out what was wrong, knew that he’d take care of you in whatever way you needed it. But it didn’t help him sleep. He wanted to take care of you. He wanted you to cosy into him like you had done with Ghost. It drove him wild watching how his fingers had sunk into you, how you had let them. Fuck it was so stupid, Kyle’s fingers had been inside you but he was getting jealous of the intimacy of another mans fingers even touching you.

He was driving himself a little crazy going over your last interaction with him, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. You had been fine, you had even laughed when he had made a cutesy little smiley face on your omelette with ketchup. He wasn’t about to pretend that you were happy being kept by them like this, but he was so sure you had been beginning to settle. Him and Soap were going to wait until Simon was back and then make their case to him and Price that they should talk to you about giving you some freedom. They couldn’t let you just run to the police, but what if they built you your own place? Just like your little cottage. They thought they could make you happy with that for the time being, work on it until maybe you’d like to move somewhere far away with them. Then they could take you out on dates without incriminating themselves. They just needed to convince you that you wanted to go on them. And somehow he had fucked it all up.

The light knock on his door had him out of the bed in record time to answer. He knew how a knock sounded for people, and that was too light to be Ghost or Price (Soap never knocked, fucking git that he was). He should have tried to be more cool and collected but he wrenched open the door and just flustered for a moment at you standing there in pjs. Fuck you were pretty. You looked tired still, but calm, he suspected Price had probably given you what you needed.

“I… um. Can I come in?”

He nodded rapidly and stood aside to let you wander into his room. You seemed maybe a little nervous, but at least not scared of him. He hated that you had been scared of him. He hated not being able to figure out why.

“Are you-”

“I wanted-”

You both paused and there was a moment of each of you trying to get the other to go first until Kyle sighed and very gently moved you to sit on his bed so he could crouch in front of you, taking both your hands in his.

“Are you ok luv?”

“Tired. John gave me the soup you made, it was nice.”

He had fed you after he had rewired your brain with the absolute leathering he had given your ass. You were pretty sure you had cried during, but it was all a little hazy. It was a stupid thing to do, but you found you trusted him. Hard not to when he had climbed into the bath with you, washed your hair and gently dried and moisturised you after without once trying to take advantage.

You had nearly choked spying on him when you were supposed to be undressing for the bath, watching through the crack in the bathroom door to his room as he leaned his forearm heavily against the wall and quickly jacked himself off. Fuck, you knew he had done it because he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be getting hard with you naked in his arms and you had to throw cold water on your face to try and pretend you weren’t flushed with the thought that he wanted you that badly but wouldn’t do anything to you even in your vulnerable state. Made it hard not to trust him really. You had been suddenly glad for how utterly exhausted you were because while your body had made an attempt at getting you aroused it had been overpowered by bone tiredness.

Instead you had let him take care of you and pull you into his arms in bed. And you had finally talked. You told him what you had overheard and he told you that without a shadow of a doubt you had misunderstood. He’d even offered to knock their heads together for even accidentally frightening you like that. And you were so thoroughly out of emotions, so run through with the events of the day, that you couldn’t find it in you to not just believe him. He hadn't stopped you when you had mumbled that you wanted to see Kyle, he had just pressed his lips to your hair and let you go.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I thought you and Johnny were going to kill me. I overheard you in the kitchen,” you answered, no energy for anything but blunt honesty.

Kyle took a moment to figure out what the fuck you were talking about and then groaned and hid his head in your joined hands.

“Fuck. Oh fuck. I should have thought about how that would sound with you right in the next room, I’m sorry, it wasn’t anything like what you’re thinking, it- well we-”

You squeezed his hands to get him to look at you again.

“S’ok. I’d just like to sleep if that’s ok.”

He wasn’t going to argue with you when you were sat in his bed, when you wanted to share it. So he just smiled and let you crawl under the covers so he could slot in right behind you.

He fit there.

#mhairiwrites #cod au #tf 141 x reader #I am not doing super hot right now and this is very jumbled and a bit nonsensical #but it was this chapter or no chapter at all :')

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oldsoul007 · 2 months ago

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Shadows of the Sacred

father charlie x detective!reader

part ||

summary: what begins as a case for y/n takes a turn to something far more difficult for y/n to resist

I still came to the church the next day. Last night lingering in the back of my mind. His lips against mine, his body pressed against me, and his strong arms wrapped around my body.

After his sermon he asked me to stay to talk. I stood in the hallway waiting for him. Father Charlie stood before me, the weight of his actions heavy on his shoulders. "Y/n," he began, his voice filled with remorse, "I need to apologize for what happened between us. I know I crossed a line that I should never have approached. As a priest, my vow is to serve and protect, and I failed in that duty."

I looked at him, my emotions a mix of confusion and hurt. "Father Charlie," I replied softly, "I don't understand why you do it. You're supposed to be someone I can trust completely."

He took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. "I know, and I'm deeply sorry. But I can't deny that I still have feelings for you. It's something I have to wrestle with every day. I want to be there for you, to support you, but I also need to respect the boundaries of my vow."

"This is all so confusing for me. I need time to think about everything."

Father Charlie nodded, his heart heavy. "I understand. Take all the time you need. Just know that I'm here, and I want to find a way for us to move forward, even if it's just as friends."

He stalked over to me brushing a strand behind my ear. He leaned down whispering in my ear. “Was that enough time to think.” I tried not to smile looking up into his eyes. “Charlie you know it’s wrong”

“I know that, why do you think my backs that way?” I pause for a moment. “you did that to yourself?” “I have to punish myself for my sins” “then what’s the point of-“ he cuts me off by leaning closer into me our breaths lingering. Making my heartbeat go faster. We heard footsteps and he pulled quick away from me looking for any bystanders. Must have been an echo because no one was there. But when I turned back around Charlie was gone.

Sister Megan rushed up to me, her words spilling out in a frantic stream. "Oh my goodness, have you heard about the murders? It's all anyone can talk about! I can't believe this is happening here. If you know anything I’d love to talk It's so scary!"

Me, keeping my undercover identity intact, tried to stay calm. "Yeah, I've heard some things. It's pretty unsettling."

Megan didn't seem to notice my attempt at composure and continued rambling. "I mean, who would do such a thing? And why here? It's just crazy! I don't know what to think anymore. Do you think we're safe?"

I nodded, trying to reassure her. "I'm sure the authorities are doing everything they can. We just need to stay alert and look out for each other."

Megan sighed, clearly not picking up on my subtle hints. "I guess you're right. It's just so hard not be so intrigued. Anyway, if you hear anything, let me know, okay?"

I managed a small smile. "Of course, Sister. I'll keep my ears open."

Father Charlie and me had been meeting secretly for weeks, our forbidden relationship adding a thrilling edge to our encounters. Tonight, we found ourselves in the dimly lit chapel, the flickering candlelight casting shadows on the ancient stone walls.

We stood close, whispering softly to each other, the tension between us palpable. My heart raced as Father Charlie gently took my hand, his eyes filled with a mix of affection and concern.

"We have to be careful," he murmured. "If anyone finds out..."

"I know," y/n replied, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "But I can't stay away from you."

Just as we leaned in for a tender kiss, the sound of footsteps echoed through the chapel. We quickly pulled apart, my heart pounding. A nun appeared at the entrance, her stern gaze sweeping the room.

"Father Charlie, are you here?" she called out, her voice echoing off the walls.

Father Charlie cleared his throat, stepping forward to meet her. "Yes, Sister Megan. Is there something you need?"

I held my breath, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. The nun's eyes briefly flickered towards me, but she seemed to accept Father Charlie's explanation that he was simply praying.

"Very well," Sister Megan said, her tone softening. "I didn't mean to disturb you. Goodnight, Father."

"Goodnight, Sister," he replied, watching her leave.

Once the nun was out of sight, I let out a sigh of relief. Father Charlie turned back to me, his expression a mix of relief and lingering worry.

"That was too close," he said, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I know," I whispered, resting my head against his chest. "But we're safe for now."

We stayed like that for a moment, savoring the closeness and the quiet of the chapel. Despite the risks.

Charlie, with his calm demeanor and kind heart towards me, still had no idea that I was a detective. He believed that I worked a regular 9-to-5 job, completely unaware of the dangerous world I navigated daily.

Our evenings together were a stark contrast to my work life. We often met at his small room in the monastery tucked away from prying eyes. Charlie would talk about his day at the church, the people he helped, and the passion he had for being a priest. I would listen intently, my heart warming at his passion for the church.

One evening, as we walked through the convent, my phone buzzed with a message from my partner at the precinct. I quickly glanced at it and slipped the phone back into my pocket, hoping Charlie hadn't noticed. But he did.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah, just a friend checking in," I replied, forcing a smile.

Charlie nodded, accepting her answer, but a part of him sensed there was more to her life than she let on. He admired her strength and independence, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding something significant.

As we continued out walk, I felt a pang of guilt. She wanted to tell Charlie the truth, to let him in on my real life, but I feared it would change everything. I cherished the simplicity of our relationship, the way he looked at me with pure affection, untainted by the harsh realities of my job.

Later that night, as he kissed me in bed, Charlie took my hand in his. "You know, whatever it is you're not telling me, I'm here for you. You can trust me."

My heart ached with the weight of my secret. I looked into Charlie's eyes, seeing the genuine care and love he had for me. "I know, Charlie. And I promise, when the time is right, I'll tell you everything."

Charlie smiled, squeezing my hand gently. "I'll be here, waiting." He said continuing kissing down my neck

For now, our secret relationship remained just that—a secret. But I knew that one day, I would have to reveal my true identity to the man I was falling deeply in love with and have to end it.

Father Charlie was in y/n apartment, waiting for her to come back from a quick errand. As he idly looked around, he noticed a folder partially hidden under a stack of books on her desk. Curiosity got the better of him, and he pulled it out. The folder was labeled with y/ns name and contained detailed notes about the recent murder case, notes that only someone on the inside would have.

His heart sank as he read through the documents. It became clear that y/n was not just a concerned parishioner but an undercover detective. The realization hit him hard; she had been using their relationship to gather information for her investigation.

When I returned from the station, I found Charlie standing by my desk, the folder in his hands. Shit. "Charlie, what are you doing?" I asked, her voice tinged with panic.

"I found this," he said, holding up the folder. "Why didn't you tell me you were working on this case as a detective?"

My eyes widened in surprise and guilt. "Charlie, I can explain..."

But Charlie cut her off, his voice tinged with hurt. "I thought you were here because you cared, not because you were using me to solve a fucking case. How could you?"

I took a deep breath. "Charlie, I do care. I didn't mean to deceive you. I just didn't know how to tell you. My feelings for you are real."

Charlie shook his head, the pain evident in his eyes. "I trusted you, y/n. I thought what we had was real. Now, I don't know what to believe."

The room fell silent as the weight of the revelation settled between us, leaving our love hanging in the balance.

#nicholas alexander chavez #nicholas chavez imagine #nicholas chavez #nicholas chavez x reader #nicholas chavez x y/n #nicholaschavezimagines #charlie mayhew x reader #charliemayhewimagine #charliemayhewimagines

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profound-bouquetbird · 2 months ago

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Hi yes,i completely understand as to why someone might feel uncomfortable writing a fic abt jimmy in a romantic aspect,which is exactly why i asked for angst. ( I'm a sucker for angst )

I was asking for a scenario where the reader and jimmy had already been in an established relationship with Jimmy wayy prior than boarding on the tulpar, i was wondering that the reader has positive views on jimmy but after finding out what he did to anya the reader completely breaks down and loses every ounce of love/compassion/respect for jimmy. And how curly/swansea and daisuke would try to comfort the reader.

Jimmy tries to convince the reader to give him another chance but the reader rips him a new one,like just jimmy being pathetic and miserable like he deserves to be.

I've been sent requests and messages that everyone can't wait for this fic, now I'm scared I'm going to disappoint 😔

BUT WHO CARES, I'M STILL WRITING IT, RAAAHHHH 🦅💥💥🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥

Edit: I'm done with writing it and right as I was about to post it, I realized that I forgot to put the actual comfort in the fict... Yeahh....

Warnings: mentions/hinting of sexual assault, Daisuke and the reader having a parent/son relationship, mentions of paper cuts, mentions of guns, drug overdose, murder, blood, hurt/no comfort, not proofread

I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...

Disgust.

He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.

"Please... Let me explain."

Three days before boarding ᯓ★

"One year?!" I gasped out in disbelief, eyes widening in shock at the news my boyfriend just dropped. One year out in space? Why would he even accept that offer?!

"I know, I know... But we need the money." He breathed out, not looking so pleased with the outcome either.

I sighed, knowing that he was right. I relaxed back onto the couch, crossing my arms in disappointment.

One year without him here with me? No contact at all? I barely survived his last shipment, and that only lasted three months, and now I had to wait a year? they were asking too much. What do they even ship out?

"... I'm sorry." He breathed out, and his expression only made me feel worse.

"You don't have to apologize... It's your job." I sighed, a small smile on my face to reassure him. Sure, it would be a loonnngg year for me, but it was for the money, for our future... for us.

"I'll go start dinner for us... Okay?" He gave me a sad smile, walking over to me and resting a gentle hand on the back of my head, placing a light kiss to my temple as he made his way towards the kitchen.

I smirked, watching him walk off with a playful roll of my eyes.

"And by that I'm guessing you're ordering pizza?" I teased, causing him to let out a quick laugh before disappearing into the kitchen.

With him gone, I was now alone with my thoughts.

I mean- a whole year away from Earth? That's sure to leave some impact on both me and him.

... My saddened expression slowly started to fade as a thought crossed my mind.

What if I applied for the job with him?

A smile grew on my face, but I couldn't tell him now, it should be a surprise! Yes! Imagine his joy when he finds out I get to tag along with him, and for a whole year at that!

Oh, the overjoyed look on his face-

"You want plain peperoni again or do you want to switch it up for tonight?" I jumped a bit; my thoughts being interrupted as Jimmy yelled from the kitchen.

"Uh- Yeah! A peperoni will do!" I yelled back, smiling to myself. Maybe I should apply after dinner.

One week before boarding ᯓ★

I giggled to myself quietly as I watched Jimmy pack his bags. He always liked to pack early, says he has time to check everything and pack anything that's missing.

"Jimmy..." I dragged out his name, trying to contain my excited expression as I watched him.

"Yes, Y/n? I'm busy, I wouldn't want to miss anything." He mumbled out, rummaging through his things. My smile felt slightly, but I decided to shake that uneasy feeling away. He was just stressed.

"I've got some exciting news." I stated, my smile and excitement returning as he peaked at me over his shoulder and gave me a confused glance, "I applied as a Pony express nurse and... I got in!" I almost squeaked out in excitement, but... my excitement died down when he didn't return it.

He stayed in silence for a little while, still looking over his shoulder but not looking at me.

"... Why would you do that?" He asked me, his voice cold as he still didn't look at me. Did I... do something wrong?

"Well... I'm sure that us being apart would make both your journey and my stay would feel way longer than it was supposed to, so... I thought going with you would make both of our stays fly by faster." I stated sheepishly, now unsure of myself. I looked down at my hands, feeling an intense sense of guilt wash over me as the two of us stayed in silence.

I heard him sigh and his clothes ruffle, soft footsteps walking towards me and soon enough his arms were wrapped around me in a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that... I just didn't want you to get hurt." He mumbled into my hair, one of his hands resting on my lower back while the other ran through my hair.

Every ounce of dread faded away with those simple words, hugging him back with a smile on my face.

"... I should've told you earlier, I'm sorry too." I mumbled back. I felt his grip get a bit tighter, which made me feel comforted. He mumbled something underneath his breath that I couldn't comprehend, but I didn't question it.

Two months before the crash ᯓ★

Life on the ship was... Weird. I mean, I knew I was away from Earth, but it felt like we didn't even take off, which I guess is better than floating around.

Everyone on the ship was nice as well. Anya, my coworker was really sweet and really competitive when it came to boardgames, but she's been oddly quiet around my boyfriend, Jimmy... maybe because she found out he was my boyfriend she didn't want to seem like she was going to steal him away from me, which I find very sweet.

Daisuke was interesting. He was a bit nervous for the first few days, but I couldn't really do anything since he didn't really want to talk to anyone. He quickly opened up to us though, and it's always interesting to hear him talk, he does say some weird stuff sometimes though.

Swansea was the same as boarding day, acting very serious and only talking about work, but I sometimes get to hear a little about his past. He has a wife and two kids! How nice.

Curly was a nice captain, I don't see him nor talk to him often, but the times that I did he was nice.

And of course there was my boyfriend, Jimmy. He focuses on his work a lot, which is good don't get me wrong! But I sometimes want him to spend time with me or even visit me in the medical bay...

All of the relationships to the side, work wasn't really that hard. Everyone made sure to take care of themselves, Daisuke got hurt every once in a while, but even he knew not to waste supplies over something as little as a paper cut (I still sneak him my own band-aids every once in a while, though).

---

I smiled to myself as I read through the reports, Anya and I split the 'interrogation' part of the psych test, I was the one to deal with Daisuke since he was the only one to actually drag out the psych test with his little stories. Anya complained to me about it, so I offered to take the test instead of her.

I sat in the room with the young intern, finding myself actually interested in his stories. He somehow managed to find a story with every question that I asked... And when he didn't have an opportunity to rant about a story, he just extended his answer.

He was just done with his rant about how he managed to hit his pinkie toe when he was trying to pass a screwdriver to Swansea, hilarious really.

"Hm..." I hummed a bit, tapping my bottom lip with my pen as I inspected the questions. "... How would you say your relationships with the crewmembers are?" I read off the question, ticking it off the list for myself.

"Awh, absolutely great!" He began excitedly, and just as I thought he was going to leave it at that, he continued.

"Curly is an awesome captain! Sure, I don't see him often, but he's so cool! He always knows how to fix a problem.

Anya is sweet too, but I don't see her as often like I do you. While we're on the topic of you, you've also been pretty awesome, you didn't have to give me your band-aids though.

Swansea is rude, but he can be cool from time to time. I'm still proud that I managed to make him laugh the other day with one of my jokes. But he can tone it down on the yelling sometimes...

Jimmy is also pretty cool! Being a co-pilot must be really hard, and I appreciate that he's in the cockpit most of the time to make sure we don't crash. But he could come out every once in a while... Last time I saw him was a day or two ago when he visited Anya in the medbay though." My smile fell at that small comment, my writing stopping abruptly as I stared down at my notes for a moment.

Jimmy visited Anya. Why wouldn't he come to visit me? I mean- maybe he walked into the medbay to look for me and I wasn't there, even then why would he ask Anya where I was or at least wait for me to come back. So why did he leave the cockpit and not come to visit me first. I'm his damn partner!

Daisuke noticed my silence, his own happy expression turning awkward and on edge.

"Uh... Did I say something wrong?" He asked sheepishly, almost sinking into his seat while clutching the edges of his seat awkwardly.

"Oh... No, Daisuke. Don't worry, I just got lost in thought." I smiled warmly towards him. That small act made him relax. Jimmy is not important currently; I'll talk to him after the psych eval with Daisuke.

I looked back at the paper to see the rest of the questions, only to be surprised that we were done with the last one.

"Looks like we're done here." I sighed, setting down the papers on the small table. Daisuke let out an overexaggerated sigh of relief, slumping in his seat.

"Ugh, finally!" He chuckled, "I thought the questions were never gonna end!"

I chuckled at his antics, standing up from my seat and picking up the papers once more.

"I suggest you get back to work, don't want Swansea worrying now, do we?" I chuckled, opening the door and waiting for him to walk out.

"No! That's even worse! Please continue with the questions!" He whined, getting up and walking out despite his words, although with a bit of a slump.

I walked out right after him, closing the door right after walking out.

"Good luck." I sighed, watching him walk away to where Swansea supposedly was.

"You, too!" He yelled back, smiling brightly, waving goodbye while turning the corner.

I exhaled through my nose, making my way towards the medbay. You know what? I don't have time to argue with him right now about him visiting Anya, he always thinks he's in the right, so the argument won't really lead to anything.

A week before the crash ᯓ★

Anya looked... on edge recently.

She has been jumpier than before... Now that I think about it, I don't remember her being jumpy in the first week.

I did ask her if something was wrong and that she could talk to me if needed, but she just brushed me off and told me that she was fine. People deal with their problems in different ways, and I get that, but... I'm worried about her.

Right now, I was sitting on the kitchen counter, poking at my food a bit as I was lost in thought.

My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. I turned around only to spot captain Curly. I smiled at the man, turning fully to greet him.

"Morning, captain." I smiled, "Came for some breakfast?" I asked, as if it wasn't already obvious. The man gave me a tired smile and walked to the kitchen, grabbing the already prepared meal like I had. Anya was kind enough to make us a plate each because I slept in and Curly doesn't come out of the cockpit often, same as Jimmy.

"Yup." He tiredly answered my question, sitting down beside me as he began eating. I observed his tired manors for a couple of seconds, giving him a sympathetic look.

"Need a nap, Curly?" I asked him, taking a bite of my own food as I waited for his response.

"Desperately, but it's not like I can." He sighed, the small smile on his face turning into a small frown. I furrowed my brows at his words.

"How so? Jimmy is there to take over when you're too tired, right?" I questioned, setting down my fork. He furrowed his brows, closing his eyes for a moment. He looked like he had been caught in a lie.

"It's not that... simple." He dragged out his words, which only made me even more confused.

"What do you mean?" I cautiously asked, eying him suspiciously. He exhaled through his nose, setting down his fork as well as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"He just... doesn't look like he's in the right place to maneuver the ship properly." He said, trying to end the conversation with that. But I didn't want to back out that easily.

"He's been in that cockpit almost 24/7 since we boarded. I don't understand how he couldn't control the ship properly." I tried to argue, getting a bit agitated. Why would he think my boyfriend was incompetent? He can take responsibility.

"Just... leave it to me, okay?" He sighed, obviously not wanting to argue, and I respect that.

"... Alright, captain. I trust you." I backed out, standing up to wash my dishes.

"Leave the dishes to me." Curly spoke up, standing up himself to wash his own dish, grabbing mine before I could protest. I smiled, mumbling a quick thank you before making my way towards the medbay.

Zero days before the crash ᯓ★

I was patching up another one of Daisuke's paper cuts. He claims that he doesn't know how to use a band-aid correctly, but I think he just wants to rant to me.

"I wonder what I'm missing back on earth..." He sighed after finishing his long rant about some hard level that he barely passed on his Gameboy.

"You'll be so far back on the trends." I chuckled, patting his paper cut to convince him that it was on correctly.

"Don't you worry about me; I'll easily catch up." He tried to flex his muscles for the dramatic effect. I rolled my eyes at that, patting his shoulder and standing up.

"Well, your injury is taken care of, you can head back to work-" I was interrupted by blaring red lights and alarms.

my heart dropped at that, looking around the room as if I was going to find the source. I looked back towards Daisuke to see his panicked expression.

"Stay here, I'll go look to see what's wrong-"

"Are you insane!? Don't go out, please!" Daisuke pleaded, clinging onto my uniform sleeve to make me stay. My heart ached at his desperate please.

But, then again, it could just be a fake alarm... But that also doesn't mean I should leave him alone-

The whole ship started to shake; the alarms started to blare more loudly and so did Daisuke.

He kept repeating "Oh my god!" and "Please, no!"

I clung to him tightly, covering his head as a sort of instinct as I pulled us down onto the floor. The things on the desk we were next to started to fall onto us and I covered Daisuke from everything. Everything moved and trashed around in the medbay and the only thing I could do is cling to him.

What was going on?

Two months after the crash ᯓ★

I sat next to Jimmy, trying to comfort him by resting my head on his shoulder and slowly petting the back of his hand with my thumb. But he was still tense, his expression looking permanently sour.

"... Talk to me, Jimmy. Please..." I tried to get him to open up. I heard him scoff and moments later he shoved me off of him.

"Fuck off, leave me alone." He grumbled, standing up and storming off. I didn't chase after him.

I let out a long exhale, pinching the bridge of my nose and resting my elbows on my knees. I understood why he would be on edge, I mean, one of his closest friends literally drove the ship into an asteroid, who wouldn't be upset?

But he could at least talk to me about it, I'm his partner after all.

"Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice behind me. I turned around to spot Anya. I put up a fake smile to comfort her though.

"I'm okay, Anya, really." I breathed out, straightening up my posture to mimic a confident look, although failing.

She gave me a pitiful look, taking a seat in the armchair next to me.

"... How have you been holding up?" I asked her after a couple of moments of silence. She was quiet for a little while, making me think it wasn't as well as I previously presumed. I mean- the ship crashed, and Curly is basically lacking skin and limbs but... she strong... Gosh, now I sound like a piece of shit when I really think about it.

"Poorly, I can't..." She closed her eyes, resting her head on the back of the couch. It felt like she was keeping something from me.

"... Nevermind." She muttered, standing up to walk away. I opened my mouth to call out to her, for her to tell me what she wanted, but I held back. Maybe it was better if I didn't know.

Four months after the crash ᯓ★

Everything and on the ship felt eerie.

Daisuke was quieter, which absolutely broke my heart. Anya looked weaker, she couldn't even glance towards Curly or his general direction. Swansea was getting absolutely drunk out of his mind on mouthwash. And Jimmy was... distant.

How could Curly even do this? The last time I talked to him he seemed completely fine, why would he change up so suddenly?

I heard a rough voice call out my name, I turned quickly to spot Swansea.

"Yes?" I hummed. The old man grabbed my forearm roughly.

"We need to talk." He stated, dragging me away from everyone in the main area. Jimmy gave the two of us a glare but stayed in his spot.

After the two of us were out of eyesight and earshot, Swansea let go of me. I was quick to massage the spot he grabbed, giving him a glare.

"There was no need to drag me." I grumbled. Swansea ignored my words and began to talk.

"I already talked to Anya about this beforehand, so this is mostly me telling you the plan." He pointed an accusing finger at me. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to begin talking as I massaged the spot he grabbed.

"There is only on cryogen pod left. And Anya and I agreed to give it to Daisuke." He stated. I gave him a look of confusion.

"I thought the room to the cryogen pods was completely blocked off by foam...?" I muttered in confusion. Why would he lie about something like that?

"I said that because Jimmy would've made it a big deal and it would've been a damn free for all in here." I was offended by his words, giving him a look of disbelief as I took a step back.

"Jimmy? Why would he do that?" I grumbled, making sure to keep my voice quiet. I didn't want him to hear, how offended and utterly hurt he would be if he heard Swansea's accusations.

"He- Never mind..." He gave up on an explanation, and I decided to not push it further. "What I'm trying to say is... We're saving the last pod for Daisuke." He said and I didn't protest, giving him a nod of approval and letting out a sigh of relief.

"Alright... but I should really tell Jimmy tha-"

"One word to him about this and you're dead." He grunted, pointing a finger to my chest before storming off.

I lightly massaged the area where he poked me, watching him walk away with a frown and furrowed brows as I composed myself in silence.

Why are they so against telling Jimmy, their now captain, about the cryogen pod? I don't understand...

---

I was panicking.

Daisuke and Jimmy were nowhere to be seen, Swansea also, and Anya had locked herself in the medicalbay.

"Anya, please open the door, talk to me!" I yelled at the door, my voice shaky and my breaths quick as I leaned against the door, staring at it like I was going to pass through it.

She called my name weakly, making me even more anxious than before.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." She sounded like she was crying, which only made my worries worsen.

"Sorry? You- you don't have anything to be sorry for, Anya. Please open the door for me." I laughed awkwardly, like when you're caught sneaking out by your parents and are trying to make up an excuse.

"Jimmy... he..." Her voice was weak, and the mention of my boyfriend's name made me swallow thickly, afraid of what she would say.

"He what, Anya, please... Say something." I whispered, caressing the door, pretending like I was comforting her.

"I didn't want to... He made me." She called out my name, "He forced me- I'm sorry, I really am..."

I was confused.

"Forced you? Anya, please unlock the door and we'll talk, I won't be mad. Whatever you say I'll understand." I tried talking to her, but she became unresponsive. It stayed like that for a little while before I began banging on her door.

"Anya? Anya please respond-" My blood ran cold as I heard an echoing scream come from within, but it wasn't Anya's... No... Please-

Before I could think of anything else, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and everything went black.

One hour until Judgement ᯓ★

My eyes fluttered open, my breathing slow as I tried to remember what happened. I tried moving but I realized I was tied down onto something.

I blinked rapidly to get used to the new lighting, looking around to see where I was. I was in the common area, living room as Daisuke called it.

Speaking of him, where was he? I remember hearing something... He screamed, he got hurt

I squinted as I looked around rapidly, where was everyone?

"Daisuke? Anya? Jimmy? Swansea? Anyone! Can anyone hear me?!" I yelled, my voice raspy and my head throbbing. It was hard to adjust to the red lighting, but once it did, I tried looking for clues.

"Can anyone hear..." My voice trailed off as I spotted someone lying on the ground, it was heard to see who it was. I squinted and tried to focus.

"Daisuke?" I questioned, but the boy didn't budge.

"Daisuke! Don't fuck with me! Are you alright?" I yelled at him, tugging at my restraints. His lack of a response left me frustrated. I groaned, trashing around to try and loosen up the ropes a bit. Who would even tie me up in the first place?

I managed to loosen up the knots, finding them and untying them in the process. Whoever did tie me up sure didn't pay attention in whatever knot tying class they took.

I sat up straight, looking down to see I was tied up on the coffee table. I stretched a bit, finding the silence awful, but I continued.

I walked towards the laying boy cautiously, my eyes adjusting the closer I got and... Oh... Oh god-

"Daisuke..." I breathed out, eyes wide in horror as I stared at the interns split face.

I quickly ran towards him, crouching down as I didn't want to touch him, feeling like my filthy hands would ruin him.

"What... how-" Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at the lifeless body of the intern. I looked back to where I was tied up, jumping and feeling petrified as I saw Swansea's limp body tied up in a chair, how had I not noticed him before?

I switched my gaze between the young intern and the older mechanic, not sure what to do. Is there even anything I can do? Daisuke's skull is literally split open and, by the looks of it, Swansea has two bullets in his head.

I stood up, legs shaking as I walked back, looking down the hall hesitantly and into the medical bay.

I slapped my hand to my mouth as I saw Anya, lifeless with blood seeping from her mouth from what I could see. Quiet sobs left my lips as I tried not falling to the ground. There was only one person who could've done this...

But... Jimmy would never do such a thing! Yes, he may seem a little cold and distant at times but that doesn't mean he's a murderer! He's my boyfriend, he's... he's supposed to be the good guy...

Who else could have done that though? What else could've done that? I looked back at Daisuke.

His head was open, I stated that multiple times... But with what? A pipe couldn't have done that, and the axe was in Swansea's care... Then that would explain him being tied up in a chair.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

The harsh reaction I had when I told him I got the job, Anya's usual attitude falling when he was around, looking scared and over all staying quiet... Her words. It all made sense

Not only did he go on a killing spree, but he cheated, he forced himself onto Anya, he traumatized her. He didn't kill her, she killed herself because of him, and that was far worse.

The love I previously had for him seemed to just disappear at that moment, being replaced with guilt, anger.

I heard shuffling, my head snapping to see him.

I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...

Disgust.

He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.

"Please... Let me explain."

"Explain what?" I questioned, voice barely audible.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he stuttered, not knowing how to even start his sentence. Pathetic.

"I... I had to! Anya fucking killed herself because of a stupid depressive episode she had! Daisuke got injured in the vents while trying to save her, I tried to save him too, but he was badly injured and Swansea fucking killed him! I had to shoot Swansea in self-defense because he wanted to kill both of us. He tied you up and wanted to kill me because he wanted the cryogen pod all to himself! That was his plan all along! He wanted to leave all of us for dead." His excuses only made me hate him more.

Anya killing herself because of an episode? Swansea killing Daisuke because there was no hope? Him shooting Swansea in self-defense? His story had shitty plot holes, and even I could see that with the two minutes I had to look around.

"..." I stayed quiet, just staring at him in disbelief that he could make up such a statement. How many excuses and lies did he tell me while we were dating?

"... Baby, please-"

"Don't call me that." I hissed, cutting him off mid-sentence, I didn't want to hear any more excuses, any more pleas, nothing. "I'm done." He stared at me in confusion, but I could see his usual irritation growing.

"Done with what?" He hissed back, voice lower, brows knitting together in irritation.

"I'm done with you." I grumbled. I watched him as his grip on the gun got tighter. "I'm done with dealing with your temper tantrums, I'm done with being patient, I'm done with listening to your every order, and I'm done with your cheating."

"Cheating? What are you talking about-"

"I don't want to listen to your annoying voice anymore, Jimmy. I have tried time and time again to ignore your flaws, I tried to see the best in you, but I can't anymore." My heart was beating in my ears. From fear? From anger? I couldn't tell. "All this time while I was on the Tulpar- No, while I've been dating you, you have shown that you don't care about me, and I don't even know why I decided to stay with you for this long."

I could hear his angered breathing even from this far away, which made my fears worsen, but at this point I'd rather be shot than survive.

"Shoot me. I'd rather be dead than carry the burden that I chose to be with you." I mumbled, my voice quieter now as I gave him a challenging look.

The two of us were consumed by silence once more, the sparks of faulty wiring and his intense breathing giving me a sense of anticipation.

I watched him as he raised the gun, a look that I could only describe as disappointment resting on his face.

"You don't understand." He grumbled, the gun aimed at my head. I only glared at him, daring him to pull the trigger. "And I know you never will."

With that, I watched him pull the trigger the last thing I heard was a loud bang before my body hit the floor.

#x reader #anon ask #anonymous asks #mouthwashing game #mouthwashing #anonymous #mouthwashing jimmy #mouthwashing daisuke #mouthwashing anya #mouthwashing curly #mouthwashing swansea

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jewish-vents · 5 months ago

Note

I have changed and I can tell it's not for the better. My Africana Studies professor says Jewish people aren't indigenous to Israel and looks me in the eyes, waiting for me to say something? I will look right back and make unbroken eye contact silently until he looks away. The head of the linguistics program mentions 'colonizer languages' and looks at me? I will reply that English is not the indigenous language of this language, Blackfoot is, and meet her eyes the entire time. My math professor glowers at me when I wear a Magen David? I will look right back at her with the same blank, emotionless expression I wear when dealing with the rest of these people. I keep looking and they break before I do. They always look away. They never know what to do with someone who isn't intimidated by them.

When I was 5, a 12 year old whose parents were Neo Nazis tried to drown me. I locked my limbs around him and hauled him down with me. I understood instinctively then, without words, what I know now: I am not weaker than someone just because they're older than me. I am strong. If you want to take me down, I'll bring you down with me. I've been taking jiujitsu for three years and I own a gun with a concealed carry permit. And yet I don't need that to beat any of these people, I just need eye contact and cold recitation of the facts. I can outlast any of them. I have survived a murder attempt. I have survived nearly dying of internal bleeding. I have hauled myself down three flights of stairs with only 43% of the blood left in my body because my dorm didn't have a working elevator and my RA couldn't be bothered to call an ambulance for me.

I am not afraid of academics who think they can call me out in class. I know what it feels like to drown and have my lungs feel like they're on fire and still be able to fight back. I am not afraid of encampment babies who get much more well-behaved every time I pull out my phone to film them and who can only do things in groups. If they want to kill me, they're going to have to do better than everyone else who tried, and if their murder attempts are half as inept as their 'activism', I'm safe.

I can feel myself becoming the kind of man I always swore I'd never be, cold and distant and unloving. And I know it can't mean anything good for my mental health long-term. I also know that if I don't approach things from the point of view that I have survived worse and I can beat everyone here in a game of survival if I have to, this will turn into anxiety, and that anxiety would be overwhelming.

This is forcing me to become my father. This is turning me into the same kind of person that growing up in deeply antisemitic times in Serbia turned him into. "You're either American/Serbian or you're Jewish", "your [Israeli] government", "your country [Israel]", we're on trial for a place we've never been to and we're foreigners in our own homelands. No wonder he became so icy and hard to get a rise out of. He had to. It was that or become too anxious to function.

I don't like what this is doing to me. I like what I'm realizing about my dad's life by proxy even less. Is it the mentality I find myself in I don't like, or is it the bitter irony that after a lifetime of wishing I understood him, now I do, and it's awful?

#jewish vents #antisemitism #tw: violence #antisemitism on campus

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bekolxeram · 2 months ago

Text

I had an idea of Buck finding out who Maurice was through Athena months ago. No one gave me that fic, I guess I'd better feed myself. I've never written any fic before, (You read that right, I don't mean for this fandom, I've never written any fic in my life) so I was planning for a short little humorous piece. Well, I'm around 2/3 of the way done, and it's already over 2.5k words long. I don't think I'll able to finish it in the very near future, and I still don't have an AO3 account, so I decide to share the first half of it with you? To give myself the motivation to keep writing?

I just want to get my ideas out there, I'll probably correct the grammar and refine the word choices when I finish the whole thing. Please enjoy and give me feedback. (Gently, it's my first time writing anything fictional outside of high school English exam)

The first time Buck heard the name Maurice, was at Chimney and Maddie’s hospital wedding.

Neither his sister nor his now brother-in-law had much luck in love. Murderous ex, surprise pregnancy, all sorts of trauma, mental health struggle, break up, make up, you name it, they had been through it all. Even on their wedding day, the universe decided to sprinkle in a little viral encephalitis as a last minute wedding gift. Any other couple would have taken all this as a sign of destiny’s disapproval of their relationship, but not Chimney and Maddie. Life kept trying to set them apart, but they chose to get back together, time and time again. Even when they were deep in delirium, when they had lost all sense of self, they always instinctively crawled back to one another, like it was in their very nature to love each other.

Buck agreed with his mother, getting married at a hospital was indeed appropriate. Plenty of newlyweds said their vows just for the sake of traditions, but when Maddie and Chimney pledged to their lives to each other, in sickness and in health, they had their entire relationship to back it up.

Buck was ecstatic, when Bobby pronounced them officially married. He envisioned how the day would be panning out quite differently, but he could not complain. Sure, he would prefer to have his date by his side, but as a firefighter himself, he understood the safety of the city was more important than his own feelings. If anything, on that day, he learned that life would not always let you have your dream wedding, or your dream date, but as long as you treasure and prioritize each other, everything would work out in the end.

Then Tommy walked into the hospital, still in his turnout gear, covered in soot, all apologetic.

Buck just knew he had to close their distance, taste the alluring flavor of smoke straight from his lips.

Tommy came, without stopping by to get changed or to wash up, because the wedding was important to Buck, because he promised to come. Buck once thought duty and romance was a question of either/or, but Tommy made enough of an effort to make them both work.

Buck knew very well how dirty his face must have been after making out aggressively with his date, but he did not care one bit. He had not been this happy for so long, he wanted everyone in the room to see how elated he was. He wanted to wear his happiness on his face.

He briefly congratulated the newlyweds. His sister, like the caretaker she was, pulled out a baby wipe for him to clean up his lower face. He tried his best to wipe off all the soot, then he took a piece a cake and started looking around the room for his date. He found Tommy having a conversation with the Wilsons.

“Hey,” Buck put his hand on Tommy’s lower back, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Just what an entrance you two have made,” Hen said with a smirk. Karen was struggling to hide her chuckle.

“Look at him, can you blame me?” Buck gazed adoringly at Tommy, “I was planning to show him off on the dancefloor anyway.”

“You’re full of surprise, Evan, you know that?” Tommy smiled, the ocean blue in his eyes filled Buck’s heart with affection.

“I’m sure it went a lot better than the last time you tried kissing someone in front of me,” Hen interrupted, with a devilish grin.

“Huh?” Tommy reacted, puzzled.

“Maurice.” The Wilsons were fully giggling at this point.

“Oh no.” Tommy covered half of his face with one of his hands, seemingly embarrassed by Hen’s teasing, “You guys are never going to let me live this down, aren’t you?”

The conversation kept flowing, but Buck was deafened by the thousands of questions in his head.

Who’s Maurice? Why have I never heard of him? Why was Tommy trying to kiss him? In front of Hen too? Was he Tommy’s crush? Who rejected him? No, were they… together?

“Evan?” Tommy noticed Buck’s lapse in focus.

“Uh… yes… yes, Tommy?”

“The cake?” Tommy pointed at the piece of dessert in Buck’s hand.

“Sure… Of course.” Buck handed the plate over. He really wanted to find out more about this Maurice, but at the same time, he recognized the recency of his budding romance with Tommy. Tommy would get around to mentioning this mysterious figure from his past eventually, Buck thought, so he decided to let it go for now.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten since last night. I’m starving.” Tommy explained, while shoving a sizable chunk of wedding cake into his mouth. “Mmm, this is so good. This is everything I’ve been waiting for.” This man loved his cake, even the soot and fatigue on his face could not hide the genuine joy radiating from his face, in all its crinkly, wrinkly glory.

“The cake huh? Is that all?” Buck asked, flirtatiously.

Tommy flirted back, with his signature deadpan expression but burning lust in his eyes, “Well, I have to refuel my body before engaging in whatever activities await us tonight.”

Buck’s heart skipped a beat, probably from the sudden rush of blood down south. Yeah, Maurice could wait.

The second time Buck heard the name Maurice, was at the medal ceremony.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion.

Not only did none of them get fired, they were all given medals for borrowing LAFD property and leading a pre-authorized rescue mission off the coast of Mexico. None of that would have been possible without the pilot. Yes, all of them played their part in saving Bobby and Athena from the sinking cruise ship, but Tommy in particular put his career, even his own life at risk just to help a few old colleagues he had not seen for years, just because there might be people in need. Judge him all you want, but seeing Tommy on that stage, being awarded for his skills and heroism, Buck simply could not conceal the fondness and enamorment written all over his face. Bobby and Athena being alive and well, looking like a classic Hollywood power couple, was obviously the most important part, Buck told himself. Although, Tommy being appreciated for the absolute ace he was, while in his dress blue, came as a close second.

The way the rigid fabric splayed across the pilot’s strong muscular body, buttons holding on for dear life against his bulging pecs, pants just tight enough to accentuate the curvature of his glutes, a feature Buck found enticing in all genders. Buck was not alone in ogling the real life erotic fantasy in front of him, about that he was sure, but he took comfort in knowing he was the only one there who got to touch this body, to worship it, to savor every inch of it, to feel it against his own. He might have almost missed his own call to the stage because he was too busy gawking at his boyfriend.

He was looking forward to celebrate this moment with his loved ones, maybe a little foreplay in costume with Tommy too, until Gerrard showed up and ruined everything.

Upon spotting the former 118 captain, Tommy looked as if he had seen a ghost.

The second Gerrard made a limp wrist gesture at Tommy, insinuating a homophobic slur, Buck realized he was more than an ignorant old man. He barely skirted the edge of blatant bigotry just to abuse his targets while staying on the side of possible deniability. If he used merely 10% of his brain power allocated for creative insults, Los Angeles would be a much safer place.

Tommy was clearly upset after their unexpected encounter with Gerrard. He was forking the food on his plate, without eating any, then abruptly, he stood up, “I don’t feel like eating these right now. I’m gonna get some cake, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Buck gave him a forced smile and a small peck to his temple, then he sent his boyfriend to his beloved sweet treat.

“I’m worried about him,” Buck turned to Chimney, “I’ve never seen him like this before, being so… small.”

“Working under Gerrard was not exactly a fun time worth keeping in your memory” Chimney sighed. “Like most of us, it took Tommy a long time and a lot of soul searching to become who he is right now. He did have a fat head back in the days, but I can’t say I blame the guy. Sometimes you do things you’ll regret further down the road just to survive at the moment.”

“Yeah… he told me the 118 was a regressive place back then.”

“Gerrard isn’t just another asshole, he’s an asshole with power, particularly power over his people’s safety. Tommy almost died because of him.”

“I know… Gas explosion, right? He said you saved his life.”

“I guess I did, but hey, Gerrard only gave me one month of KP duty as a reward, so that was a plus,” Chimney snickered, sarcastically.

“He punished you for saving Tommy’s life?” Buck never fully grasped the injustice, mistreatment, and suffering his loved ones faced under Gerrard’s reign of terror. He made a mental note to thank Bobby later for his gentle fatherly guidance.

“That’s who he is, Buck. All power trip, no leadership. I’ve never seen Tommy so scared of somebody,” Chimney continues, “except maybe... Maurice.”

Maurice, this name again. Buck still knew close to nothing about this cryptic individual.

Tommy was very upfront about how abrasive his was in his youth. Having to desperately hide his true self from his abusive father, then intolerant military policy, and finally his homophobic superior, he had learned very early on that the best defense was a solid offense. He was cold, distant, downright rude to anyone and everyone who tried getting too close, to the truth, to his desire, to his heart. So if Tommy was reluctant to share the parts of his life that he was less than proud of, Buck would not try to pry… At least until Chimney told him how fearful Tommy was of Maurice.

“Who…” Just as Buck opened his mouth, his brother in law rose from his seat, grabbing the red wine filled glass with him. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to take this wine to my wife.”

As soon as Chimney left, Tommy returned with a piece of cake in his hand and a subtle smile on his face.

“Heyy-” Tommy greeted Buck in his usual playful tone.

“Hey, feeling better?” Buck was relieved, sensing Tommy’s change of mood.

“Um…” Tommy looked down, seemingly pondering. Then he retook the seat he previously occupied, the one right next to Buck, and hooked one of his feet under his boyfriend’s chair. He gave the chair a swift, firm tug, and in the blink of an eye, the physical distance between them vanished.

“Now I am,” Tommy murmured with his deep, gravelly voice.

Just like that, the rest of the room ceased to exist for Buck. No Gerrard, no Maurice, only Tommy. Buck’s fingers slowly slid towards the strong, burly thigh leaning against his own, but Tommy stopped him on his track, by grabbing his inquisitive hand.

“This is not exactly... appropriate for work, don’t you think?”, Tommy said, without letting go of Buck. “People may have questions if they see us.” His grip tightened, just enough to reignite the fervent desire building up between them since the start of the day. “Hen and Karen asked me just now about my intentions with you, if they are…” He looked down at the shinny medal currently decorating his boyfriend’s chest, and used his free hand to adjust the ribbon, “honorable.”

“And what did you say?” Buck asked breathlessly, almost panting.

“I told them, we’re taking it very slow…” Tommy inched closer and closer. “You’re taking the lead, I’m just trying to keep up…” His lips ghosted over Buck’s cheek, then he whispered into his ear, “Where should we go now?”

Buck responded by simply dragging Tommy onto the station rooftop. With the “no visitors” sign blocking the stairs, it was the perfect place for some private pastime.

#bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #tevan #kinley #bucktommy fanfic #911 abc

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confused-aroace-noises · 28 days ago

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Why are you Blushing? | Ace x Reader | One Piece |

You and Ace... well both of you are dating..but you both haven't actually done anything, yet. And you both have been acting like you did before (friends) to fight the weird awkwardeness but you are getting are getting a bit frustrated.

Note: I have no clue why but well my hormones are acting up again. So I guess I'll write a pov. A few of my friends have done this. But I have never. I just read it. So i was like why not try something I'll totally regret. Also its gonna have typos most probably. Also italics between asterisk/ Stars are thoughts. And it is based off of my interests and stuff, i hope its not tooo too specific. it probably is, isn't it? Also please do tell me if i should add some other tags or some warnings. i have lived a pretty insensitive life and have traumatised almost all my friends.

______________________________________________________________

I am in my room getting ready to sleep for the night. I took some eardrops from my cupboard. Despite Marco healing me.... well A LOT , i still had some pain in my left ear from having got my head rammed into the wall in the recent fight. Ace as usual is in my room, both of us blabbering and laughing about the latest fight. His protectiveness from before hidden now. I yawn and lie down and cover myself in my comforter and put few drops of eardrops in my left ear.

"You'll have to switch off the lights today. Alas..i can't move because i have these ear drops in my...well in my ear.......obviously "

He suddenly smirks and walks closer putting his hat on which he usually does when he is leaving the room or maybe he likes it on for...other purposes. " Oh so...you can't move....interesting..."

He walks closer.

*wait... we are dating. i can't move. is he gonna.. okay ...ahhhhh what do i do? NO that's too much for my heart. Okay okay calm down . Why is he getting more close. My heart feels like it will burst into pieces. But i wanted this. SO MUCH. he looks so hot. I gulp. His fingers trail from my shoulders to my waist and he leans close.I close my eyes blushing. But slowly open them feeling his breath. His breath is shaky, his lips barely inches away as he-*

My fantasies shatter as he grins and starts stacking the novels from my bedside table onto the side of my head. " Do you feel the weight of knowledge?"

A bit irritated that he did not do something, I say in the most monotonous voice, " They are all murder fictions."

"Oh..... well how about these then? " He stacks more books from a table nearby where i kept books related to learning ancient scripts ( my latest hobby). He puts them on my shoulder and hips and more on my head. I feel myself getting more annoyed. But not an angry annoyance more of a fun annoyance because I can't really get angry when he is being so adorable and he looks so happy compared to how worried he had been in the fight earlier. I mean i did almost die but eh..it happens. I try my best to supress any smiles from breaking out.

*I am annoyed . I am annoyed. I am annoyed. I thought he would do something but no he has to do this adorable thing instead. AHHHH SOOO CUTE.. no i am annoyed. i am annoyed.*

He puts my pens all over the stacked books and tangles two three in my hair while I protest but don't move.

*His hand on my hair feels nice. I wish he would caress it. I don't usually like people touching my hair. But for you darling...i will literally beg.*

" Ace if you do not stop...I swear to god-"

" What will you do?" He grins. *My GOD his oh so cheeky charming smile which makes me want to do things to him.*

He leans closer and tries to balance an eraser on my nose. His face super close. It makes me infuriated that he is doing nothing and i have had enough. Someone familiar calls his name from somewhere and he replies, " Yeah, coming." *OH Yeah. Right after teasing me this much. I will not let you leave this easily Portgas D Ace*

I move no longer indulging in his games. I would have if i wasn't so frustrated, all those stacked books falling either ways and though i love my books but i have a bigger priority. I sit up with one hand balancing my weight while I grab the skull medallion which connects to his hat with my other hand and yank it down which brings his face closer to mine. The pens are still tangled in my hair.

" You dare leave now?" I say in a bit pissed off voice. He blushes at the closeness.

" Are we not dating, Ace? I wanted you to do...well..........something" I say in a more endearing way so that he knows i am not actually angry angry just a bit exasperated.

The voice calls him again. But now its lost to both our ears as his breath touches my face, both our heartbeats getting louder. His face is blush red as his eyes glance to my lips and back at my eyes. I become conscious of their existence and realise they are dry and wet them subconsciously, I am suddenly aware of his big frame, but he looks so adorably small right now with his blushes and shy glances. Maybe its the night but i suddenly feel confident and rake my eyes over him which makes him blush red. I chuckle breaking my serious facade.

" Why are you blushing?" I glance down at his lips and back again. He is shyer than ever. I smirk and say in an almost whispery voice, " You look adorable. I didn't even do anything though......yet."

The voice calls again...ohh its a crewmate. But only i seem to hear it. His breathing changes and he closes his eyes leaning forward.

*This is exactly what i wanted but i am still irritated. I could just smash my lips against him but i have waited so long whats one more night. AHhH its too much but you need to know consequences darling*

I let go off the skull medallion and put my hand in between our faces which makes him pout and whine a little.

" Its only fair that you feel the frustration i have been feeling for weeks for atleast a night. Go and help the poor guy out. He's been calling for a while." I stick my tongue out like a child and turn around pull my comforter over myself and go to sleep.

Ace stays stuck for a few seconds too long, still dumbstruck but then removes the tangled pens from my hair and places a kiss on my head and whispers with a light chuckle in his voice, " Good night love"

he switches off the light and leaves.

_____________________________________________________________

2 minutes after he leaves

I sit back up sigh and shake my head smiling and put all the books back in place checking if they are fine and don't have any bent pages and then go sleep and totally don't spend the next two hours fangirling over every small thing he did.

Link to part 2

#one piece #reader pov #ace #portgas d ace #x reader #ace x reader #fluff #fire fist ace #fanfic #anime #manga #op #one piece fanfic

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sorrowsofsilence · 4 months ago

Text

Burning Out • IX

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 6.5k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter nine - Moral Antimatter (EDITED: 09-03-24, not new new to the story !)

new? start from chapter one here

She looked at the orange bottles with a detached expression.

“I’ve been consumed by guilt ever since, barely able to even look at you,” my voice began to rise, “How messed up am I? To do something like that to you, knowing that those meds are supposed to help you?”

I shook my head in frustration and slammed the glovebox shut, causing Y/N to jump.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

+++++

Y/N

Beneath the covers of my bed, I curled into a ball with my knees pulled up to my chest. Soft sobs escaped me as I tried to control my emotions, but they continued to overwhelm me. My breaths were heavy and ragged, and I coughed from the congestion caused by the tears staining my cheeks.

My mind was in turmoil, replaying everything that had happened. It would be easy to blame myself for Noah's decision, but how could I when I never considered the consequences of letting him into my life? On the other hand, I couldn't just overlook his actions; if I were a normal person, I would have kicked him out of my life already. But I was too wrapped up in him, unable to let go despite everything he had done.

I really was so naive, huh?

I wanted to trust Noah. I still trust Noah.

In the end, it was my own fault. Why did I put my trust in someone who had only recently entered my life? How long until that trust wears thin and breaks into an unfixable mess? As tears streamed down my face for Noah, my chest heaved with anxiety from my past. I made a promise to myself not to go back to wearing that deceitful mask or to let them find me again. Yet, here I was, completely exposed and easy to track. The dealer in the dark alley recognized the mask and knew the code.

“We live in a twilight world: And there are no friends at dusk.”

I didn’t recognize him, but I knew that he could link me back to those I ran from. They haven’t worn the masquerade masks since I left.

I squeezed my eyes shut, the heat of my breath beginning to suffocate my body that lay beneath the covers of my duvet, shielding me from the world and all the problems within it.

"I'll See You At The Beginning, Friend."

I was going to be found, and it was going to be a mess.

If Kiean and Kade were about to be back in my life, I would need a saving grace.

As much as I didn’t want to talk to Noah about anything, or forgive him, I needed him.

I told him that I would risk it all for him, and I’ve proven it; but would he risk it all for me?

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

Truthfully, Noah isn’t the bad guy. If anything, once he finds out everything, I am.

I let the tears fall for a moment longer as I anxiously lived within my mind before the soft creak of my door opening snapped me away from my wading.

“Go away,” I mumbled, curling closer to my knees before the bed dipped gently. A soft purr came from behind the blanket and I sniffed, opening the covers to reveal Juice who waddled towards me. His head pushed into my hand, the soft orange fur of his coat instantly soothing me as my fingers ran through it.

“I thought you’d need a furry friend right now.” I heard from behind the door and I turned my head, noticing Nicholas peaking in.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting up as I held Juice in my arms. He purred harder at the touch, closing his eyes in contentment.

Nicholas pushed the door open more and he held out a mug in offering, “I brought you some tea?”

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with my free hands in an attempt to erase the tears.

Nicholas walked into the room, setting a mug down on my nightstand before looking down at me with concern etched on his face. He sat on the edge of my bed carefully, not wanting to intrude.

"I'm here if you need to talk," he said softly.

I nodded and released Juice from my hold. The cat immediately went over to Nicholas, rubbing against his arm.

"He seems to have taken a liking to you," I said with a small smile.

"What can I say, I guess I have a way with cats," Nicholas chuckled, stroking the friendly feline.

I let out a low laugh and rubbed my eyes again before looking up at him.

As if he could read my thoughts, he spoke first.

"I knew," he said, and even though I had suspected it, my heart still clenched at his words.

"How long?" I whispered, picking at the fabric of my sheets.

Nicholas sighed, "Since it happened. I caught him replacing your pills."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. Not only did he steal them, but he also replaced them with lies. He never wanted me to find out.

"Was he ever planning on telling me?" I asked as tears welled up in my eyes once again.

Nicholas took in a breath and replied, "Yes. I tried to get him to tell you right away, but he wanted to wait until he paid off all your debts and could buy you more pills."

Silence hung between us as my mind raced.

"He messed up, Y/N. He knows that. But Noah cares about you deeply," Nicholas said sincerely.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, he cares so much that he purposely deceived me behind my back. And I would have given him the pills if he had just asked because they weren't doing anything for me anyway."

Nicholas turned to face me fully on the bed, his eyes watching me closely as another tear slipped down my cheek.

"Why do I still want to trust him?" I asked, my voice strained as tears blurred my vision once again.

"Because you also care about him," Nicholas replied calmly.

I let out a frustrated groan and pressed my palms into my eyes. "I see so much of myself in him. So much of who I used to be. And if I could get out, then he can too."

"What were you like before?" Nicholas asked curiously, studying me with genuine interest. He knew I had a bigger role in their world than what was initially presented, especially after seeing my involvement last night. We had grown closer over time and I knew that eventually I would have to trust him and the other boys fully.

It was difficult to admit the mistakes I had made.

"I'll tell you all eventually," I said, avoiding eye contact and turning away. "Once I can overcome the fear of revealing my past self."

Nicholas placed his hand on mine and gave me a comforting smile. "We are in no position to judge you, Y/N."

A wave of shame washed over me, causing my breath to catch in my throat. "Maybe so, but there is a reason why I tried to distance myself from who I used to be."

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Nicholas's hand on mine was warm and reassuring, but I couldn't shake the anxiety clawing at my insides

"It's not just about judgment," I said softly. "It's about safety. For all of us."

Nicholas's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I bit my lip, debating how much to reveal. "The people I used to be involved with... they're dangerous. More dangerous than you can imagine. And if they find out where I am, or who I'm with now..."

I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. The possibilities were too terrifying to voice.

Nicholas squeezed my hand gently. "We can protect you, Y/N. You don't have to face this alone."

A bitter laugh escaped me. "You don't understand. These people... they have connections everywhere.”

+++++

NOAH

I sucked in a breath as my padded fist collided with the covered fabric, the punching bag swinging back towards me before throwing another punch at it again, sending the bag spiralling.

And you know that we’re racing sand But we’re stronger than we were before And their forked tongues won’t lead the way You’re not pure anymore

Sweat dripped down my forehead as the music blasted through my headphones, my chest rising and falling with each surge of adrenaline. I moved back and forth, unleashing a barrage of punches fueled by rage.

The sins run red, but they won’t live forever You’ll be forever fake Will the marks I lay out there come back to me?

Despite knowing that Y/N may not want to speak to me, I knew I needed to apologize properly. My heart ached at the thought of her missing our first live show tonight, but I couldn't ignore the possibility that she might request the night off, just as she did at the cafe this morning.

I punched the bag with all my might, trying to release some of the built-up frustration and tension inside me. The gym was my escape, a place where I could physically let go of the overwhelming emotions suffocating me. Luckily, there was no one else around, giving me a chance to be alone with my thoughts.

Everything that had happened was my fault, and I felt ashamed. If Y/N and I were going to have any kind of relationship in the future, we needed to be completely honest with each other; no more secrets.

I was determined to regain her trust, but I also knew that I needed to learn more about her past. Wiping the sweat from my forehead with my shirt, I took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh as lyrics from the song played on repeat in my mind.

Together we’re trapped inside of the scales Under the greed, and the ego’s weight I won’t be slipping when we all fall into Into moral decay

I confidently slid my gloves back on, ready to continue pounding the punching bag with all my might. As I swung my arms, I could feel the impact of each punch reverberate through my muscles. Suddenly, the lights in the gym went out, plunging me into complete darkness.

I quickly pulled out one of my earbuds and spun around, scanning the empty room in confusion. The small windows provided very little light, making it difficult to see anything. My heart rate increased as I furrowed my brow. Was there a power outage?

I took a few deep breaths as I stood still, trying to make sense of the situation. Eventually, I cautiously made my way towards the light switch and flipped it up. To my surprise, the lights came back on, leaving me even more puzzled. They had been turned off intentionally.

Just as I turned around, I was startled by a man standing directly in front of me. I instinctively let out a loud yell and jumped back, feeling a jolt in my stomach.

“What the fuck!”

He gave me a long stare, and I couldn't help but notice all the tattoos adorning his skin.

"Sebastian," he greeted me with a smile that showed off his shiny grillz.

It was Vincent, his true identity finally revealed. His sunken blue eyes and hollow jaw made him look even bonier than I had imagined, with a hint of scruff on his chin.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I exclaimed, backing away from him.

"Just adding some theatrics to our encounter," he shrugged, running his fingers along the metal bars of the machinery behind him. His curly brown hair fell just past his shoulders.

I watched him warily, "How did you find me?"

Vincent let out a laugh, "A little birdie told me."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you want?"

He glanced between me and the equipment, the shine of his grillz taunting me. My stomach twisted with unease. He couldn't have known what I looked like without my mask. How did he manage to find me here?

Reaching into his pocket, Vincent pulled out a silver quarter and began twirling it between his fingers.

"How about this..." he started.

I eyed him carefully as I took another step back.

"If it lands on heads, you tell me about your friend Y/N," he suggested.

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. What did Vincent want with Y/N?

"And if it lands on tails?" I asked with narrowed eyes and clenched fists.

"Then you tell me about your masked friend," he replied with a sly smile on his face.

I gnawed on the inside of my cheek as I glared at Vincent. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Y/N and this mysterious masked person were one and the same, but I couldn't understand why he was fixated on it anyway. "Why do you need to know about either of them?" I demanded, hoping to redirect the conversation away from my involvement.

Vincent just smirked and produced a coin from his pocket. "Let's make a little wager, shall we? Heads or tails?" he asked, flipping the coin in the air with his thumb. We both watched it spin before landing back in his hand. He turned it over to reveal tails.

"Hmm, not what I was hoping for," he commented casually.

"Well, I have nothing to tell you either way," I stated firmly.

"But you know who wears the mask," Vincent pressed, leaning in closer.

"I don't," I insisted, shaking my head.

But Vincent's eyes gleamed with knowing. "You do know," he declared confidently.

"I hired someone to assist me," I explained dismissively, walking towards my backpack and water bottle.

"But how did you come into contact with a member of Fidelio? And specifically one who wears the volto mask?" Vincent prodded.

"Fidelio?" I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Vincent grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, causing me to yank away forcefully. "Get off me!" I shouted. "I have no clue what you're going on about. Can you just back off?"

“That member has been missing for months,” He said hastily.

I stared at him in incredulity. This guy was nuts.

He paused, watching me briefly, eyes darting across my lost expression, “you seriously have no idea?”

“No!” I yelled, grabbing my backpack from the ground, and swinging it over my shoulder.

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at thVincent posed a question, "Have you ever seen the movie Eyes Wide Shut?" I shook my head in reply.

He ran his hand over his face and explained, "Fidelio is a cult that takes inspiration from the film - except without all the strange sexual and orgy activities."

I scoffed, "And this is relevant because?"

"Because that cult happens to be one of the largest underground drug dealers and crime syndicates in North America, and they've stopped operating since that mask went missing."

My mind clicked into gear when he mentioned crime syndicate; I vaguely remembered hearing about a few robberies carried out by individuals wearing masquerade masks... Venetian masquerade masks. Trying not to give anything away, I quickly sucked in a breath before casually shrugging and clenching my bag strap. "Great. So the person I hired was probably inspired by their methods and liked the mask."

But Vincent shook his head vigorously. "They knew the code."

I watched him closely, "So do you. Are you a member?"

He laughed at my assumption, "Me? Nah, it's flattering that you would think so, but no. My boss has been trying to take them down for years."

"So how do you know the code?" I pressed.

Vincent simply shrugged again, "The boss knows that's how they communicate."

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at the end of the week with more drugs.”

Vincent shouted after me, “Wait. I need to know more about this Y/N Y/L/N.”

I stopped in my tracks, refusing to turn around as anger boiled inside of me. He may not know that Y/N was wearing a disguise, but he knew something about her.

“So you took the medication from her?” He asked.

I turned my head to the side, keeping my body still as I avoided his gaze, “Your coin landed on tails.”

Vincent brushed off my comment, “My boss is wondering where all the drugs are coming from, especially the ones that require a prescription. He wants me to keep track in case any of it leads back to us.” I wanted to leave, but my curiosity kept me rooted to the spot.

“I told him her name, and he claims to know her,” Vincent spoke slowly, “he’s been searching for her for years. So do you know her? Or was it just a random theft?”

My heart raced, but I didn’t want Vincent to see how nervous I was.

“Just a random theft,” I turned to face him now, answering without hesitation, “I have no idea who that woman is. Do you even realize how many people I steal from? And have stolen from since then?”

My throat constricted as I insulted Y/N, but I needed it to sound convincing.

Vincent nodded, his eyes studying mine intently as we stared each other down. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke again, “Do you remember where she lives?”

With a stern expression on my face, I locked eyes with him and said firmly, “No.”

He glanced at me and flipped the coin in his hand once more, “Well if you do remember, you know who to call.”

His shoulder grazed mine as he walked past me towards the exit of the gym, “See you later, Noah.”

My eyes slimmed in distaste as I followed his figure before I froze at the realization of what he called me.

Noah.

I’ve never told him my first name.

I spun around, but Vincent had already disappeared through the gym doors. My heart pounded as I tried to process what had just happened. How did he know my real name? And what did he want with Y/N?

Grabbing my things, I rushed out of the gym, scanning the parking lot for any sign of Vincent. But he was gone.

I needed to warn Y/N. Whatever was in her past, it was catching up to her. And now it was putting all of us in danger.

As I drove home, my mind raced. Who exactly was Y/N? What was her connection to this Fidelio cult? And how much did Vincent and his mysterious boss know?

When I pulled up to the house, I saw the car in the driveway. Good. Maybe the boys could help me figure out what to do.

+++++

Y/N

As we lay on the living room couch, watching TV, Folio asked, "Are you coming to the show tonight?"

I had put on Naturo to calm my nerves, and Ruffilo and Folio immediately ran upstairs in excitement upon hearing the intro.

I turned my head to look at him and replied, "I have to work tonight, so you couldn't stop me even if you wanted to." Folio and Ruffilo laughed, and I smiled before returning my attention to the show.

Nicholas nudged my side and asked, "How are we going to celebrate? We have to have a drink together." I squirmed under his touch but laughed, saying, "I'm not sure. I can try to get off early since I start at 4 today. You guys play at 11 pm, right?"

Nicholas nodded and said, "Yeah, 45-minute set or something."

"Noah will be happy you're coming," Nick added just as Noah walked in through the front door. The three of us looked at him, and I immediately sank into the couch in an attempt to hide myself. But Noah's eyes locked onto mine as he kicked off his shoes and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"We need to talk. Bedroom, now," he said urgently, grabbing onto the wooden railing.

Folio let out a low murmur, shooting me a glance before turning his attention back to Noah. "That's not how you turn a girl on," he muttered.

"Get lost, Nick," Noah snapped, his gaze fixed on me as he waited for me to stand up.

"Y/N." His tone was stern and commanding, causing a shiver to run down my spine. I quickly got to my feet and followed Noah up the stairs, leaving the Nick’s behind. Once we were both in my bedroom, Noah closed the door behind us and turned to face me with an accusing look.

"Does Fidelio ring any bells?" His words sent a wave of panic through my body. How did he know about that?

My palms started sweating and I nervously twiddled my fingers together for a distraction. "Uh, like Beethoven's opera?" I stuttered.

Noah rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Don't act dumb. The mask."

My throat tightened with fear and my heart raced as I tried to make sense of what he was saying. "I don't know what you mean," I said, hoping it would be enough to avoid any further questions. But a voice in my head pushed me to tell him the truth. Why was I hesitating? "Are you the missing member who wore the Volto mask?" Noah demanded, gripping my arms tightly through my dark blue long-sleeved shirt.

Fear.

Tears welled up in my eyes and my breathing quickened, the familiar signs of a panic attack creeping in. Noah noticed immediately, his hold on me loosening as he looked at me with concerned chestnut eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong, Y/N," he said softly, pulling me closer to his body for comfort.

I mumbled into his shirt, "Yes."

Noah's hand moved to the back of my head, gently holding me as we swayed together in silence.

"Have you met Vincent before?" he asked after a moment.

With tears still falling and my body trembling, I shook my head and choked out, "No, but he knows the code."

Silhouette Guilty conscience Barely hanging by a breath

“He found me at the gym,” Noah began, pulling me from his body to look up at him, “He was asking about you. With the mask, and without.”

Cut the lights and make me your oblivion And I will follow Through the phosphorescent streets I'd give anything to be in over my head

My eyes widened as I looked at him, my breathing becoming shaky and uneven. "Does he know it's me?"

Noah shook his head, "No, but his boss knows your name. And he's aware of the Fidelio syndicate."

I took a deep breath, trying to process this new information.

"He knows your name because it was on the bottle when I sold your pills; his boss recognized it." Noah sighed and stepped back, running a hand over his face in frustration.

"I knew I recognized your mask," he muttered, "But I couldn't remember from where...until Vincent told me."

Noah pulled out his phone and quickly found a news article from a few months ago. He showed it to me, revealing my identity and connection to the infamous Fidelio crime organization.

Aftermath Broken promises collapse Bodies lay like shattered glass Hold the pieces, feel how nothing ever lasts

With tunnel vision fading in How I've thirsted for the end Pull me closer till I'm in over my head

My eyes skimmed the news article, and any words I had forming caught in my throat.

Noah's eyes were sunken and empty as he looked at me. "You came to Los Angeles not long after this happened," he said quietly.

Instantly, I felt the air get sucked out of me. "I was running," I admitted.

"That's why you gave me a chance," Noah continued, taking his phone away from my face and putting it back in his pocket. "You weren't any different from me."

Past tense. He knew that things had changed for me.

To have someone truly comprehend your mind is an intimate experience, and in this moment, Noah understood every part of me.

"I ran away," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I didn't want that life anymore. I felt used, angry, and unworthy."

Noah's expression softened as he listened to my confession. He reached out and gently took my hand in his.

"I understand," he said softly. "More than you know."

I looked up at him, tears still glistening in my eyes. "What do we do now?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Noah sighed heavily. "We need to be careful. Vincent and his boss are clearly onto something, even if they don't have all the pieces yet."

I nodded, feeling a mix of fear and relief at finally having someone to share this burden with.

"We should tell the others," Noah continued. "They deserve to know what they might be getting into by associating with us."

The thought of revealing my past to everyone made my stomach churn, but I knew Noah was right. We couldn't keep them in the dark any longer.

"Okay," I agreed reluctant.

We are broken bodies bound for еach other In the impact, we become antimatter The dust hasn't settled but we feel the decay

“Your past does not define you,” Noah breathed softly, pulling me into another hug, “You were a result of circumstance…If anything it makes me respect you even more with how far you’ve come.”

Torn limb from limb, I am swearing your name Our hands collide, we brace together In the impact, we become antimatter

“I’m proud of you.”

Noah’s words rang in my ear as I cried, holding myself against his chest. My knuckles whitened through the grip I held on his sweater, my body vibrating through the pain. I’m proud of you. No one has ever said that to me.

I sobbed into his body for a few more moments as he squeezed me with compassion, taking in all the emotions I displayed for him.

“I knew what it was like being in your shoes,” I sniffed, “I’m still lost, but I’m finding my way. You deserve to escape too.”

Noah’s grip tightened before he pulled away, “I see it now.”

My mind was still racing at Vincent and the information Noah brought.

“Do you know who his boss is?” I asked Noah, even more nervous now. I didn’t know many people within the drug ring; I always played on the sidelines.

Was it someone who knew my true identity?

We're waiting in the wreckage for the sun to rise I'm staring at the fractures no one else can see, they're so complete When morning comes, will there be anyone left to find? My vision starts to surrender, as colors subvert the night

“I went by a different name,” I watched Noah carefully, “Y/N Y/L/N is my real name. Only two people back home know it, other than my extended family… that I know of.”

“I mean that’s smart. I don’t know who his boss is,” Noah said, his face contorting, “but maybe he’s tied back to you?”

I sighed anxiously. I had no idea who Vincent’s boss could be, but my stomach churned at the idea of it being one of the members of Fidelio.

“Why did you risk everything to come and help me rob the pharmacy?” Noah's grip on my hands was gentle but firm. “Especially when you chose to wear a mask.”

I shrugged, feeling the warmth spread through my hands from his touch. "I-I don't know. I couldn't just sit back and watch you stay trapped in this life. You asked for my help, and I couldn't say no. Plus, I have enough experience with this kind of thing."

One of Noah's hands moved up my arm and rested below my chin. He tilted my face up to meet his gaze, and I found myself drowning in his captivating October eyes.

Stolen by auroras, our bodies re-align Magnetic in the impulse, show me the other side Suspended in the ether, till I felt you in my chest I know we're not alone, but I'm in over my head

“I’m sorry I broke your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about the pills, and I’m sorry I stole them.” His eyes darted across my face, sincerity radiating from his pupils, “I will never do anything like that again; over my dead body.”

His words burned into my skin through the touch of his fingertips. I knew he was sorry, and I knew he felt bad. He made a mistake, he wasn’t perfect. He was only human.

“I forgive you, Noah. You need the money,” I said, “You’re almost free.”

Noah drew me in closer, his arms wrapping around my back as I leaned into his embrace. Our lips grazed against each other softly, sending butterflies flitting through my stomach. Noah's breath was warm against my skin before he pressed his lips to mine with gentle care. This kiss was unlike any we had shared before- it wasn't fueled by passion or urgency but by a deep and sincere affection. It made me feel exposed and vulnerable in the best way possible, knowing that Noah accepted me exactly as I was, just as I accepted him.

We are broken bodies bound for each other In the impact, we become antimatter

+++++

The boys arrived at Sammy’s around 9 pm, occupying seats along the bar as they waited for me. In between attending to customers and pouring drinks, they would try to engage in conversation with me.

"Folio, I'm dying to hear about the biggest fish you ever caught," I exclaimed as I poured a few shots. "But do you realize I am working right now?"

Nick scowled and I gave him a sympathetic smile. As much as I enjoyed their company, it was difficult to focus on my job with them constantly distracting me. Especially when Noah was there.

Despite trying not to, I couldn't help but steal glances at him whenever he looked away. His smile lit up his eyes and his nose would scrunch up when Nicholas cracked a joke. And every time I walked away or turned to make a drink, I could feel Noah's eyes following me.

"Well," Nick took a sip of his beer, "if you can have sex with Noah in the bathroom at work, then you can listen to my fish story."

My eyes widened along with Noah's and we exchanged knowing looks before quickly turning away in embarrassment. I turned back around to take the shots to the waiting customers. Behind me, Nicholas burst into laughter and doubled over the counter, pulling Jolly down with him.

“Dude that was so out of pocket,” Nicholas wheezed as Jolly’s chortle echoed through the busy room.

The bar was decently packed tonight with people anticipating the first live music showcase. I was just as excited; because I couldn’t wait to hear them perform somewhere outside of the basement.

My mind kept tracing back to the realization that now that the mask was back, I was going to be traceable. My entire shift I felt uneasy, worried that with every turning corner someone who knew could show up; but I pushed away those thoughts, remaining happy and supportive as the boys were going to be on stage soon.

I walked back behind the counter, smiling at them.

“Guys want a shot for some liquid courage?” I asked, holding up a bottle of tequila.

“You know it,” Folio nodded.

“We should probably do a soundcheck, yeah?” Jolly raised a brow at Noah who nodded in agreement.

“That’s what bands do, right?” Noah said, spinning on the bar chair as I placed the shot and a lime wedge in front of each of them.

“To uh-” I raised my empty glass to cheer with them, but I couldn’t finish my sentence, because they hadn’t chosen a name for the band.

“To Glass Houses?” Jolly shrugged, and Noah mimicked him. The four boys took the drink, squinting at the bitterness before sucking on the lime.

“We haven’t chosen a name… but we can go by glass houses for now,” Noah laughed, before standing up.

I smiled up at them, giving the boys a thumbs up, “Good luck gentlemen, you got this!”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Nicholas smiled back, following Jolly and Nick towards the stage.

Noah turned to look at me, “Don’t judge us too hard, ok?”

“I’m not the cool one in a band,” I chuckled as I mixed another drink, “No judgment here, only proud to say I know you personally.”

“Ah yes,” Noah licked his lips before flashing a wide smile, “personally.” His tone insinuated something much more and I couldn’t help but shake my head as my face warmed once again.

“Break a leg, as they say.” I cheered, and Noah nodded at me before meeting the rest of the boys.

Half an hour later it was eleven, and I asked my boss if I could be off early. She didn’t mind, so I grabbed a rum and coke before sitting at the seats that were in front of the stage.

I could tell they were nervous as each of them fiddled with their equipment. A few moments later the stereo died down and Noah tapped the microphone, his hair cascading over his face as he spoke.

“Uh, hey!” He began the feedback echoing slightly through the bar. I smiled encouragingly up at him as his eyes met mine, and he smiled back as if speaking to me.

“So this is our first gig, we don’t have an official name but call us Glass Houses for now!”

The small crowd clapped as Noah looked towards the boys, nodding at them.

“So I guess we’ll start with a cover of Come Undone by Duran Duran!”

Another applause sounded and Jolly began playing the riff before Folio’s drums and Ruffilo’s bass joined.

Noah jumped on the floor as his hair whipped around, feeling the into and the crowd cheered, before he gripped the mic stand, preparing to sing.

“Mine immaculate dream Made breath and skin, I've been waiting for you Signed, with a home tattoo Happy birthday to you was created for you.”

I bobbed my head, proud as guests began singing along. It wasn’t until Noah’s voice became deeper and raspier with the chorus that I smiled wider, heart hammering as he sang, watching me periodically from the stand.

As Noah sang, his voice growing deeper and raspier with the chorus, I couldn't help but smile wider. My heart raced as he periodically glanced at me from the microphone stand while performing. The energy in the bar was electric as the crowd sang along and swayed to the music.

I felt a surge of pride watching the boys on stage. They had practiced hard and it showed in how tight and polished they sounded together. Jolly's guitar riffs soared while Folio and Ruffilo held down a solid rhythm section. And Noah commanded the stage with his passionate vocals and magnetic stage presence.

“Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone? Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone?”

As the evening went on, the boys continued to cover a variety of songs, building up to their final performance of the night.

"Thanks for rocking out with us, guys!" Noah exclaimed, taking a swig from his water bottle. "We're about to kick it up a notch, so I want to see you all headbanging!"

The crowd roared in response as Noah introduced their next song, Glass Houses. I couldn't help but bang my head along with the music as the boys rocked out on stage, their hair flying wildly in every direction. Pulling out my phone, I started recording their performance.

Just as I opened my phone, I noticed I had received a text message from an unknown number. My stomach sank and fear engulfed my body as I clicked on the message.

Los Angeles, hey? It’s about time we booked a vacation anyway. See you soon, my volto x

Chapter 10

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

@princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant

@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

#bad omens fanfiction #burning out fanfic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #bad omens fanfic #bad omens cult #noah Sebastian x reader #crime fanfic

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moxie-girl · 3 months ago

Text

DRDT EP 13/14 ANALYSIS/THEORIES

I said I'd do this once I collected my thoughts! haha Warning! This is super long…

To start, I'm going to pick apart all the stuff I predicted for ep. 13 (I'll try not to make it too long…)

Levi's Secret

Well. Levi sure did admit to. All that! I think this eliminates any last doubts I personally had about him being the killer… (your honor just because I'm a serial killer doesn't mean I killed that specific person /ref) I really like that he isn't shown as a bad person just because he lacks empathy, and he's actually actively trying to be a good person… the fact that he just admitted his secret because he thought it was the right thing to do is so funny though, there go all my theories lol! (I'm still a little worried about rule 14 though…)

Ace's (Almost) Murder

Yeah!! This is probably what we're gonna spend episode 14 talking about, with murder method and alibis, etc. I still don't think it was Nico though! (I want to say I called that it'd be relevant, but it felt a little obvious…)

The Murder Method

I think we can say this has been all figured out, with the method being exactly what several people much smarter than me all figured out.

The Possible Culprits

Rose was still acting a little odd, but I think Whit on the other hand, despite whatever all that was, is off the hook for now, so my number 1 suspect is still Hu! I'm like 90% sure she was the one who tried to kill Ace, at least, and that's become very important now!

Secrets

Well, we got all the secrets figured out! (Hu :( ) The fandom interpretation was pretty much correct, except for Teruko's (we'll get to that later…) I do hope that after this trial, some of the secrets that are not relevant/haven't really been discussed do get adressed, because I could even see them becoming motives for murder again. But also, I just want the characters to talk about them! (gimme that juicy juicy angst…)

Ace

He didn't re-open his injury or really freak out like I expected, but we got some vulnerability (and a new sprite!) from Ace, and considering next episode is probably gonna focus a ton on him, I'm still expecting at least one of the two to happen…

Teruko

Luckily for Teruko, we didn't have anything unlucky happen to her this episode! But she sure did get her time in the protag spotlight anyway, I'm glad she didn't let the mistake from last episode get her down!

☆ ☆ ☆

Also, my bingo card! I got a bingo!! (ft. my messy tiny notes if you want to read them)

A few of my other bingo predictions I'm still going to hold on to for the next (few) episodes, but now, onto some new stuff!

Final Arei Flashback

Whoooah boy was that scene a doozy. I'm starting to think David's murderous rage towards the blackened at the start of the trial was genuine, because me too, man. I'm really glad Arei got at least a little bit of closure before she died, though! She also had an interesting take on the "good person" role, something that has been very important to this trial thus far and will likely continue to be. (I'm thinking that the killer may have had a "good person"-related motivation for killing, which is why it's the chapter's overarching theme?)

Also, to adress the elephant in the room… EDEN??? Well, no wonder Xander "didn't expect her to attack [him] like that" - and from her expression I wonder if she expected it either - I'm really looking forward to learning more about what, exactly, happened before the killing game that involved them! I didn't really believe in Mastermind!Eden before this, but it's starting to look pretty plausible... (Also Xander is the king of haunting the narrative oh my god lol)

Teruko's Secret

Many of us, myself included, were hoping/guessing/assuming that when all the secrets were figured out, David would reveal that he actually had Teruko's, not Xander's. While that didn't happen, the way he reacted after she claimed "her" secret essentially confirms it, as does a lot of other evidence:

That secret being hers would complete a secret circle of Teruko -> Rose -> Whit -> David -> Teruko and a secret pair of Xander <--> Min, which makes sense considering all other secret swaps are either circles of four or in pairs.

Xander and Min would have each other's secrets logically since neither of them can receive secrets, so theirs would probably be separated from the rest.

MonoTV's line about not knowing whether they're all correct feels like a reminder/a hint that some of the secrets are incorrect, and those two feel like the most likely options.

Teruko apparently has no idea which secret is actually hers, so may have just guessed the one that sounded more like her, except we know she never knew her parents and only had one sibling (as does Charles… I wonder if he'll notice)

EDIT: I cant believe I almost forgot, but I feel like David’s attitude towards Xander (and Teruko) makes more sense with these secrets, because why would he idolize Xander if the killing game was his fault, but he would idolize him if he thought Xander was trying to end the killing game by killing Teruko, the person David now thinks/knows is at fault.

However, since David didn't claim out loud that Teruko was lying, it's likely that this piece of information will become relevant much later in the series, and he'll be keeping it to himself for now.

Veronika and Hu

When did Veronika and Hu make their pact? And how did Hu, presumably the one who wanted to make the pact, know that Veronika had her secret? Also, what on earth do you mean, Veronika, that your secret isn't the worst thing you've done???? This little section with the two of them could just be entirely innocent and a way for the dev to get the rest of the secrets on the board, and let Veronika be a little unhinged as she tends to be, but I get the feeling at least some of this is relevant. (I'm betting on either Accomplice!Veronika or Veronika's actual "worst thing" being important to a later trial…)

David

Ohhhhh, David. I feel like Veronika with how much I want to psychoalanize this guy. He is on the verge of a breakdown, and I can feel it! The question being, of course, whether Arei's death was enough to make it happen this chapter, or whether this is something that's gonna last another chapter or two before coming to a head. My money's on the second option, because I think this trial is about to be about Ace and his impending breakdown :)

I do hope after this trial we do get to see a little more of what David's actually like beyond his facades/the roles he's been playing! Also, as much as I'd like to see David survive and have to deal with the consequences of revealing his "true" personality on live television, I think it's more likely he'll go the way of DR antags trying to end the killing game via self-sacrifice.

(We also better keep a close eye on anyone who tries to befriend or help David in Ch3, because they're gonna die next! /j)

J's Morality

This is a short one, but I just wanted to comment on another analysis I saw point out that J has been one of the most vocal people anytime murder has been brought up. I think that behind her rougher personality, J is a more empathetic person, and/or has very strong morals, making her a narrative foil to Levi now, so I do hope the two of them interact in Ch3!

Whit??

Whit. Whit why do you know so much about hanging??? Being serious though, I saw someone else bring up that his mother might have died by hanging and he researched it afterwards as a coping mechanism or something? That's the saddest possible explanation, but it does make the most sense by far… I honestly don't think that Whit is the killer, because then why would he be being so helpful in figuring out the murder method, but he's still so weird and suspicious sometimes.

Nico!

Even though I still don't think it was Nico (crime scene makes more sense if seen as Nico trying to help Ace, they may have just admitted to it because it was the less confrontational option, next ep is def not the last one and I think it'll be about proving who it was other than Nico, and if you look at Nico's secret quote…) I still do hope they get the chance to get mad! Get mad at Ace! Get mad at David! Get mad at whoever the (attempted) killer was for putting the blame on them! Idk I just want them to have their moment.

☆ ☆ ☆

And finally, here are my new bingo cards for the next episode:

(I can't believe ep14 is gonna be 40 mins + there's a "non-spoiler" thumbnail rn oooooh I'm so nervous)

#godd i missed being in a fandom w weekly episodes + theorizing its soooo fun #drdt #drdt spoilers #danganronpa despair time #hu jing #nico hakobyan #ace markey #arei nageishi #teruko tawaki #david chiem #drdt theory

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solarmorrigan · 2 years ago

Note

Howdy! 40. things you interupted me to say, or 6. things you said under the stars and in the grass for Steddie? Your choice!!! (also ty for the ask! I'll get right on it! :D)

Hello! I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I have at last finished! Thank you for sending a prompt, and I hope your new year has been going well :D

Prompt from this list. I chose #40. things you interrupted me to say

If there’s one thing Eddie can say for the ostentatious double front doors of Steve’s house, it’s that they’re great for dramatically slamming open when you’re angry and your arms are full of bleeding boyfriend.

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Eddie grumbles, dragging Steve over the threshold.

“I can walk on my own, you know,” Steve grumbles right back, halfheartedly shaking the arm that Eddie has in a vice grip. “I didn’t get hit that hard.”

Eddie ignores him. “I swear to god, it’s like you put off a pheromone that makes people want to hit you in the face.”

“Is it working on you right now?” Steve asks as Eddie drags him into the kitchen and shoves him sort-of-gently into leaning against one of the countertops.

“A little bit, yeah!” Eddie snaps.

“Then maybe I should clean myself up,” Steve says; it looks like he’s trying to smirk, but the blood smeared on his chin from the split in his lip is kind of ruining the effect, and Eddie only rolls his eyes as he turns towards the sink.

He knows Steve is trying to make him laugh, trying to get him to lighten up, and usually it would be working, but not this time. This time, Eddie is legitimately pissed, and he’s going to hold onto that.

He’s still going to patch Steve up, obviously, but still. He’s mad.

He pulls the overstocked (actually, adequately stocked, for all the shit they end up going through) first aid kit out from under the sink and then sets to running a kitchen towel under the tap. Behind him, he can hear Steve sigh, but he doesn’t turn to look just yet.

Only when the towel is wet and wrung out does Eddie come back to Steve’s side, swiping the blood off Steve’s chin and then pressing the cloth to his split lip. Steve reaches up to take the towel, freeing up Eddie’s hands to go picking through the first aid kit.

Steve then almost immediately takes the towel away to start speaking, despite the harsh glare Eddie sends his way.

“I’m trying to understand, but I honestly don’t get why you’re so bent out of shape about this,” Steve says. “Like, I’m sorry there was a fight, I know you don’t like that, but it isn’t like I was trying to start anything.”

“Well you weren’t trying not to start anything, either,” Eddie says, pulling the bag of cotton balls from the depths of the kit; he’s not sure how it always ends up at the bottom.

“I was just trying to make that asshole go away. I thought if he just saw you weren’t alone, he’d fuck off. Normally they aren’t brave when they’re not in groups.”

Eddie pauses in wrestling with the cap of the disinfectant to give Steve a flat, sarcastic smile. “Yeah, that worked out real well, didn’t it?”

To Steve’s credit, the guy who’d approached Eddie on the street spitting poison at him about the murder accusations he’d been fully exonerated of had seemed pretty surprised to see Steve step out from around the side of the van. All the same, he hadn’t listened at all to Steve’s firm instructions to walk away, and when he’d tried to further approach Eddie, Steve had stepped between them and given the guy a shove back.

Eddie had known at that moment that they were probably going to have to perform a strategic retreat, but even he hadn’t been expecting the guy’s fist to come flying at Steve as fast as it had.

The ensuing fight had thankfully been short, startled into a stop after no more than a handful of vicious blows when a passerby had started shouting at them, and Eddie had managed to shove Steve into the van and make a quick getaway in the confusion.

“Well at least I’m the only one who got hit,” Steve scoffs. “Between the two of us, I’d rather–”

“Don’t do that,” Eddie cuts in sharply.

Brows furrowed, Steve blinks at Eddie. “Don’t do wh–”

“That’s exactly why I’m pissed off!” Eddie snaps. “You just– you fucking throw yourself between other people and danger like it doesn’t even matter!”

And Steve has the audacity to roll his eyes. “It doesn’t really matter, Eddie.”

“You seriously think that? You think it’s just fine?” Eddie hisses.

“Yes! I think it’s fine, because I’m fine!” Steve gives in to the irritation that’s been edging in since the start of the conversation, snapping back at Eddie. “Nothing that bad ever happens, and I’m standing right here, clearly fine!”

“Oh, you’re fine? This is fine? Standing in the middle of the kitchen bruised and bleeding is fine now?” Eddie demands. “And all those migraines I’ve had a front row seat for, those are fine? And the dizzy spells? And the fact that your vision is so fucked that you need glasses, and you’ve been trying to hide it from the kids by wearing contacts, because you’re clearly fucking fine?”

Eddie can see Steve’s jaw clench, the way he’s biting back an immediate and vicious retort, but Eddie’s not having it. He’s worked up enough that he’s decided they’re hashing this out right the fuck now.

“Answer me, Steve.”

“No. Just drop it, Eddie,” Steve practically growls. “That shit isn’t important, okay? It’s not.”

Somehow Eddie resists the urge to pull his hair out, but he should probably put the bottle of disinfectant down before he squeezes it beyond repair. “What’s more important than your fucking brain?”

“You!”

It’s the loudest Eddie’s ever heard Steve get outside of a life or death situation. It’s certainly the loudest Steve’s ever gotten with him, and it startles Eddie into silence for a short moment.

“You, the kids, Robin – your safety! There is nothing more important,” Steve says firmly, like he’s declaring some kind of universal law. “And I can’t… there isn’t much I can do but put myself between you guys and danger. Sometimes it’s all I can do. So I do it.”

It’s said with such steady conviction that Eddie feels cold; the idea that Steve is so committed – so determined to go down as the shield is terrifying.

And infuriating.

“And just what the fuck are we supposed to do when that strategy costs us you?” Eddie jabs a finger into the middle of Steve’s chest, demanding an answer. “What are we supposed to do without you?”

For the first time since the argument began, Steve looks away. He glances down at the ugly, tiled floor just to the right of Eddie’s sneakers, shaking his head. “C’mon, you guys would get along fine without me.”

“You really think that?” Eddie can’t help the shrill, incredulous laugh that works out of his throat. “You really think we’re that goddamn heartless that we’d just get on fine if you fucking died?”

“No!” Steve’s eyes snap back to Eddie, alarmed. “That’s not– I don’t mean you’d just immediately forget about me or whatever, of course you care, I just… like, you’d be alright. There’s nothing you need me for.”

Eddie steps forward, eliminating almost all the remaining space between them, and reaches up to put his hands on either side of Steve’s face, nearly cradling it. Even now, even bewildered and angry, Steve can’t help but lean into the touch, and Eddie keeps his grip gentle as he announces, “That is bullshit.”

Steve stares at Eddie, more confused than before, maybe a little hurt, but Eddie goes on.

“You think we’d be able to just get over you? That we don’t need you? I’m not sure Henderson would ever fucking recover. Buckley would have a meltdown big enough to take anyone inside a ten mile radius out with her. And I–” Eddie breaks off because he knows he’s tearing up now; he’s always wielded his strong emotions like some kind of superpower, channeling them into making himself a better musician, a better storyteller, a bigger-than-life target that’s harder to take down, but right now he can’t tell if they’re helping make his point or if they’re just making things worse. “I love you so fucking much. And if you just– if you just leave, what hell am I supposed to do with all of that? Where am I supposed to put it?”

“Eddie…”

“I need you here, Steve. Not between me and some asshole townie, but next to me. With me. I need you to make that your priority.” In spite of how tensely he’s holding himself, Eddie’s hands are still gentle on either side of Steve’s face, careful of the cut on his cheekbone that Steve himself never seems to have noticed at all. “Please.”

Slowly, Steve’s hands slide up under Eddie’s jacket and come to rest on his waist, warm through the fabric of Eddie’s t-shirt. “I don’t… know if I know how to do that. I don’t know how to step back,” Steve admits after a minute. “But I can– I can try.”

At some point during their argument, Steve’s lip had split back open, another few fat drops of blood rolling sluggishly down towards his chin, so Eddie tilts to the side a little as he leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth.

They stand that way for longer than Eddie really cares to count, nearly nose to nose, existing in each other’s space because they can, before Eddie kisses Steve again and pulls away.

“Alright, we’re gonna patch you up for real this time, and then we’re gonna make sure you’re not concussed.”

Steve rolls his eyes, though he’s barely more than exasperated. “I’m pretty sure I’d know if I had a concussion, man. I’m some kind of expert by now.”

“Yeah, well, humor me,” Eddie says, taking the bottle of disinfectant back up and hunting for another cotton ball.

“Okay, but I don’t have a concussion.”

“That’s just what a person with a concussion would say.”

“No, a person with a concussion would say ‘I think I might have a concussion,’ and then throw up on an EMT.”

A sharp laugh barks out of Eddie’s chest, real and startled, and he looks over at Steve. “You didn’t.”

“Post-Starcourt. Truly my finest moment,” Steve says, giving Eddie a look that lands leagues short of dignified, and Eddie laughs again.

They go through cleanup process in silence after that, no longer angry, not bitter, but tired and a little uncertain.

“What do you want to do after this?” Steve finally asks when they pack away the medical supplies.

Eddie shrugs. Before shit had gone down, they’d been planning to get dinner and then maybe swing by the video store to pester Robin and rent something for the night. Their evening is wide open, now. “Dunno. You have anything in mind?”

“Honestly? I’m tired. I kind of just want to lie down.” Steve says, and Eddie’s eyes cut back to him sharply; it takes a lot to get Steve to admit he’s anything less than ready to go at all times.

“Okay…” Eddie says. “D’you… want me to go, or–”

“I want you to lie down with me,” Steve says, reaching out to grab Eddie’s hand, as if Eddie’s about to run off. “I just… want to be with you a while.”

“Oh,” Eddie breathes. “Yeah. We can do that.”

Steve’s answering smile is small, a tired thing trying not to tug on the barely-formed scab in his bottom lip, but it’s there, and Eddie’s pretty sure he loves it just for that.

#homosexual-having-tea #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #eddiesteve #solar wrote

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the-cookie-of-doom · 8 months ago

Note

Five things Porsche learns about Kim lets gooooo

This actually started as a prompt from @shubaka forever ago (before we were friends 🥺) and I decided to torture myself by turning it into a 5+1 fic! But then I stalled out bc I didn't know what to add for the other parts klasjdhgf. It's actually still floating somewhere around here in my writing tag!

In it, Porsche is trying to befriend Kim, and Kim is horribly resistant to it. Porsche steals Chay's phone since Kim won't answer him, only for Kim to hang up as soon as he speaks, it's a whole thing. Basically Kim being forced to bond with his future brother in law <3

The first thing Porsche learns about Kim is that he's a squirrely little bastard. He weasels his phone number out of Chay - after finding out that Kinn didn't have it saved in his own phone, which will be a conversation for later - but Kim doesn't any answer any of the flurry of phone calls and texts that Porsche hurls his own way. Apparently, according to Porchay, Kim has memorized all the numbers of everyone important enough to be worth his time, and doesn't bother with anyone else.

What if someone has to borrow a phone? Porsche had asked. Sucks to be them, Chay replied, with a silly smile that might mean he's kidding, or it might mean he knows exactly how ridiculous Kim is being, but still somehow likes him anyway. Porsche would prefer the former but he's almost certain it's the latter, and he's trying to figure out exactly why Chay would like him so much. Because as far as Porsche can tell? Kim is more akin to a feral cat than anything else. Keeps his distance, sullenly watches Porsche anytime they happen to be in the same room, looking away only to scan for the nearest exit - which he takes at the earliest opportunity - and Porsche is certain Kim has actually hissed at him once. Probably not. Since Kim won't answer unknown numbers, Porsche is forced to stoop to his level. Kinn's phone is of course out of the question, which only leaves one other person, at least only one Porsche can easily access, guaranteed to have it. He's holding a struggling Porchay in a headlock while the phone dials. It only rings once. "Hello, love," Kim greets, his voice warm and syrupy and so, so fond that Porsche has to gag, just to see the way his brother flushes. "I'm sorry, Kim!" Porchay shouts. He's still struggling, digging his hands into Porsche's sides. "I tried to stop him!" "Porsche." And there it is, that flat tone Porsche is used to. "Hi, Kim, how's it going?" he asks casually. "Goodbye. "Wait, wait, wait!" It's no use. The line is already dead. Porsche releases his brother with a groan, and doesn't fight it when Chay snatches back his phone. "Why does he have to be so difficult?" "Kim doesn't like being cornered, hia," Chay scolds him. "If you just talked to him like a normal person-" "He won't let me! He keeps running!" "You're intimidating!" Porsche doesn't believe that for a second. If Kinn wasn't intimated by him, no way his feral, murderous little brother was. "Maybe you're coming on too strong? He probably think you're gonna kill him for, y'know..." "No, I don't know." Porsche side-eyes Chay, who's no longer making eye contact. "Do I need to kill him?" "No!" "Should I want to?" "Hia, No!" Chay throws his hands up. "See! This is why he won't talk to you! You're embarrassing." "Good. Also, I don't care. I want to talk to him, and unless he wants me to lock you in your room and forbit you from seeing each other for the rest of your life, he better cooperate." Chay lets out a sigh like the weight of all the world is bearing down on him. "I'll talk to him," he mumbles, sullen.

#cookie writes #kimchay

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thegeminisage · 4 months ago

Text

star trek update time. wednesday we did ds9's "wrongs darker than death or night" and "inquisition," both of which knocked my tits clean off, and thursday we did voy's "the killing game" parts i & ii, which were fucking awful.

wrongs darker than death or night (ds9):

man. man. MAN. have you ever just sat after a ds9 episode to go "holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck"

like, when i went into the tag to hunt gifs i saw some complaints about this episode which i partially agree with (more on this in a sec) but overall...jesus FUCKING christ

like you always have a good time with kira. and i think someone warned me about this episode having Dead Parent Content (thank you, whoever you are, for being a real one) and i read the summary/background information section on memory alpha ahead of time so i'd be braced, so like, i KNEW it'd be serious, but even so

ok so even though the summary says "comfort woman" i did not expect them to STRAIGHT UP SAY IN THE EPISODE. COMFORT WOMAN. this is almost as shocking as when they allowed jake to drop the n-word in far beyond the stars. jaw on the fucking ground

i also like...the way gul dukat isn't just a mass murderer, imperialist, slaver, and rapist, he is a SERIAL RAPIST with a PATTERN of predatory behavior with which he lures in his victims. do you think he did that knight in shining armor bs on leeta? on ziyal's mom? do you think they had any more choice than kira's mom has? FURTHERMORE THE FACT THAT DUKAT TRIED MULTIPLE TIMES TO GET WITH KIRA WHEN HE HAD RAPED HER MOTHER. LIKE HELLO???

and he doesn't even think of it as rape! he think he's soooo niceys and such a perfect gentlemen and that all his victims are MADLY in love with him! he is INSANE. having him go crazy was SUCH a good character move actually because it highlights his fucked up thinking which was always there yk

i love also that when kira is upset and feeling powerless the bomb is the sacred and trusty old standby. what's that molotov cocktail quote...you throw a molotov cocktail and then you have an ENTIRELY different set of problems. kira's like yeah i'm a terrorist and i'm proud of it. i'll bomb anybody. i'll bomb you, i'll bomb the cardassians, i'll bomb my own planet, i'll bomb my own space station, i'll bomb the defiant and bomb myself too since i'm on it, i'll bomb dukat, i'll bomb my own mother and she'll have it coming. kira is never truly powerless when she still has access to explosives. can't fucking cross her bc she will blow your ass to kingdom come.

also, kira was in the past for WEEKS...imagine how horrible it was to be back under the cardassian occupation for that long!!! like no wonder she reverted to old behaviors and old thinking yk

i did see some complaints that it's sexist. and like, yes, obviously, but that is kind of the point? i think it misses the larger problem with this episode, which is that kira went back and forth on whether or not her mother is a collaborator when her mother DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE. she didn't have a choice in whether or not to be taken from her family - it wasn't like she could ask to be sent back. she'd just get thrown in the ore processing. she couldn't stop dukat from fucking her, but if she smiled about it instead of "kicking and biting" as she put it, her kids got medical care and food

there is also a delicious irony by the way that BECAUSE dukat chose kira's mom as his comfort woman, BECAUSE he had food sent to her children, kira grew up to be the terrorist stalking the hills of dahkur province making his life hell. he had that coming so bad.

but like back to kira's mom at no point in any of that did she have a choice, except in how well she accepted her circumstances. screaming and crying = a life of misery for her and her family and playing nice = a life of luxury for her, yes, and not her family, but they do still get food and medical care. they live. you know? it's not like meru was giving them rebellion intelligence or helping them make weapons or anything. she was letting dukat fuck her, and believe me, he'd have found someone to fuck anyway. so the central question the episode asks, which is it "can we/kira forgive meru for collaborating?" is a flawed one, because she was a victim, not a collaborator. i think we could have beefed up the issue by having her do something actually bad vs "didn't kick dukat when he raped me" OR by having the central question be "did meru have a choice in what happened to her?" and have the reveal that she didn't come only at the very end, before the bomb went off. and i get sexism in the writing room is potentially at the heart of that problem, but like...aside from that small plot change, how can i complain? every scene was crackling with tension, we pulled zero punches (they SAID the words COMFORT WOMAN), the kira lore was incredible, and nana visitor always knocks it out of the park. mwah

inquisition (ds9):

I FIGURED OUT THE PLOT TWIST. i figured it out early!!! not that early. i figured it out when he got beamed to weyoun's ship. like i knew within like a minute that he had been holodecked. delighted

this episode...whew. it's so good because all the facts add up to make julian look bad, and they dredged up every past episode they could to paint that picture

and for a second even i almost fell for it! i do have to admit that would have been fucking amazing. but i just Knew he was not a spy hence the ship cannot be real

julian was great in this episode, but i wished garak had been there. he could have coached julian on not FLUBBING the interrogation but of course he wasn't there because it wasn't REAL

i'll note that this is twice now he's been kidnapped and menaced when he simply wanted to leave for a few days to go to a medical conference or whatever...if i was him i'd start getting way more paranoid about traveling alone or just traveling in general. wow maybe big bad garak could be his escort <3

i love also what a discourse there is around section 31...like, i usually think that shit is stupid but i totally get it! like, is roddenberry's idea of utopia flawed? absolutely. he was a white guy in the 60s and to all reports maybe super horrible to women. BUT it was also an idea way way WAY ahead of its time, which is what made it so special. and i think it says something about humans beings, something damning, that we CANNOT accept utopia at face value. we immediately begin looking for the catch, the ugly underside, the child of omelas in the hole. it's not that i hated the addition of section 31, because that was a fucking banger of an episode and i think that a true utopia makes for boring tv (hence why ds9 deconstructing it makes for such great tv), but the fact that we can't leave well enough alone says more about humanity itself than any one episode of star trek, i think.

the killing game, parts i & ii (voy):

god, you wanna talk sexism...these episodes sucked so bad

i know tos also did a nazi episode. i don't forgive them either. but dear god

i think no one ever is allowed to put a swastika on any screen ever again without pitching their idea and getting a special signature of approval from at least 100 separate people who either 1. lived through ww2 and did not aid abet or agree with hitler 2. are jewish. world war 2 media is so tired but it's also so OFFENSIVE when you just...put it in star trek. like you're gonna use this as SET DRESSING for your HOLODECK EPISODE? this is almost as bad as when they used the confederate war. reading comprehension quiz for star trek writers do you remember why those wars were fought and which groups were at the greatest disadvantage during them? first person that answers the confederates is getting eaten. absolutely livid

worse: b'elanna being knocked up by some random nazi...like they were there for weeks. i assume she showed up in the simulation already pregnant but were they implying she fucked him during those 19 days too??

making seven sing. evil. worse: having everyone be suspicious of her, AGAIN. this is OLD NEWS seven is NOT A BAD GUY. i'm going to kill the next person who says or does anything mean to seven.

the klingon makeup was also pretty offensive. it usually is.

half of this whole plot involved a fake ww2 plot that didn't even fucking matter.................like, it was a plot that could have been interesting in, say, a ww2 movie. if i wanted to watch a ww2 movie you know what i would have done? TURNED OFF STAR TREK TO WATCH A WW2 MOVIE. this is why i hate holodeck shit

there were two and ONLY two points of merit in this episode. the first was that chakotay got to do something with his hair other than the usual nonsense. i swear he is SO fucking handsome when they aren't actively putting him in shitty uniforms and fucking up his hair. second point of merit was the tuvok and seven moment when he was like "girl SING it is LOGICAL" when she was about to get shot for not singing and she said "LOGIC IS IRRELEVANT" and also told the hirogen they would get assimilated one day <3 that was a fantastic moment in an otherwise totally horrible set of episodes.

TONIGHT: voy's "vis a vis" which BETTER be good we've had so many voyager duds lately and "in the pale moonlight" which i have heard a lot about and am v excited for

#personal #star trek blogging #ds9 lb #voy lb

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roadkillremi · 2 years ago

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SEQUEL to - Please, Don't kill me, Mr.Ghostface

Randy Meeks x Fem!Reader

Masterlist Part 2 on Masterlist

Warnings : mentions Sex, language, mentions dying, mentions Killing, Reader has hallucinations (If I miss anything let me know)

I do NOT support killing

Summary : After the 1996 Woods borrow murders, will you move on? Attending college with some old friends and making new ones. Your past stalking you at times making everything difficult.

"Can you tell me what you were thinking when he was going to kill your friends?"

The clocked ticked loudly on the wall, you fidgeted picking your nails.

"Disgusted, trapped, with myself to be exact. If I didn't say anything I'd get hurt. If I did if get hurt. There's nothing I could do about it."

She nodded scrabbling on the notebook paper.

"And it's said you stabbed Billy Loomis 17 times. Is that correct?"

"I didn't count. I just... Did it. It was either that or die."

"I know."

"I don't wanna talk about Billy." You looked out the window not being able to face her.

"Let's talk about your visions then.".

You nodded still looking out the window with a soft gaze.

"I got a call from your Aunt. She said according to the teacher you started yelling in class. Cause you saw... Them.".

You nodded, "Yes."

"They're dead they can't hurt you."

"I know. But nightmares can't die."

She sighed, "You're suffering from PTSD, it's not strange to suffer after a traumatic event. Sydney, Randy, and Gale are doing fine. Sydneys getting through it maybe you can talk to her-"

"Sydney's rich and popular. She has the ability... To be loved easily."

"You don't know Sydney's life-"

"But I know mine!" You turned to her.

"Tell me about school."

"People look at me like I'm a zombie or something. I mean since someone died the exams aren't a big deal... People think I'm a killer... Ever since Gale... Did a short read of her upcoming book..."

"Self defense is not murder."

"Yes, I know! Still hurts. The only reason I got into college is because of being a victim. I don't even know what to major in."

"Don't you like movies? Major in directing."

"that's Randy's thing. I love movies, but I don't wanna make them."

"just come up with a list and think it through. How's your sleeping been?"

You looked down at your lap, "It's hard to sleep. I have bad dreams and wake up.".

"have you tried a-"

"Routine. Yes. Sometimes Randy spends the night."

She raised her eyebrow, "Not like that!".

"Mhm." She wrote something down.

"Do you think im a killer?" You looked at her deeply. She looked up at you and didn't speak for a moment.

"I think you're an angry child with a rough past seeking the love you didn't have."

"That wasn't my question."

"No, you're not a killer."

"You hesitated."

"This isn't about me. Its about you."

Silence filled the room back up again.

"I'm scared I'll kill again."

You folded your graphic tees into a box. Music played in the background as you packed up. The last week you've been packing for college. Surprisingly Sydney asked to be roommates, you said yes.

Your room was almost empty now, you sat on your bed.

"Finally running away from here?"

Billy appeared next to you, he leaned down to see your face.

"You're not real."

"I'm real to you."

You didn't look towards him, you closed your eyes trying to focus on breathing.

"You can't shut me out!" He yelled.

"Go away, Billy!" You yelled back. Your Aunt rushed in at the sound of you yelling.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, just a nightmare." You stood up.

"Okay. Well Randy called, he's on his way. So get ready to pack up his car." She gave a pathetic smile and walked away. You sighed putting shoes on before taking boxes near the front door. Randy pulled up walking in the house, ever since the killing he seemed to peak. He had more muscle and wore shirts that showed it, he even grew out a small beard. He wasn't the only thing that change in the summer though.

People around you took note about how you seemed more free than usual. You got to dress in clothes without Billy saying you looked whorish. Not only that but you randy had sex, a lot. In his car, in your room, even at his work. There was of course close calls but nothing to serious. He got better at sex the more you two did it. Sometimes it was passionate and loving, others were more rough and animalistic.

"God, I'm not gonna have room for all this!" Randy exclaimed mentioning the boxes. You rolled your eyes, "It's everything, clothes, bedding, school supplies, all of it.".

Randy grabbed a box letting out a small huff. You patted his back, "you got this.".

"You better help that boy!" Your Aunt yelled out.

"Yeah!" Randy mocked smiling. You grabbed a box following him to the car. The trunk had all of Randy's bags stuffed into there. He placed the boxes in the back seat. You huffed back and forth between the car and the house.

"That's all of them!" You yelled out to Randy. He slammed the car door shut, "Thank God!" He cried over dramatically.

Your Aunt hugged you tightly sniffling, "Call when you can. Stay safe.".

"I will, I love you." You hugged her back tightly.

Months later

You banged on Randy's door, "Randy Meeks! Get your ass up!". He got drunk with his roommate, Paul last night. He called you slurring his words telling you how much he loves you. He opened the door, "Sorry, I was getting dress!".

"You look like shit." You laughed. His hair a bit messy and bags under his eyes.

"You look amazing too, darling" he said in a British accent.

You walked to class with him holding his hand. Some girls snickered at you as you passed them. Randy glanced at them, "What's their problem?".

"Don't worry about it. You know how some women are, don't grow out of the popularity in high school." You sighed.

"Pfft, yeah tell me about it." He said leaning close to your ear. His hot breath tickling the side of your face.

A frisbee passed by in front of you two, "Couldn't have caught it?! Dick.." some guy said running after it.

"See?" Randy gestured. You rolled your eyes, "Come on Mr.Meeks we have a film class to get to!".

"You know how I get when you call me that." He joked. You jokingly gave him a look, "You'll just have to rub it out in the bathroom.". He smiled hugging you from behind picking you up a bit.

"Or I could fuck you when Paul's gone"

You laughed tapping his arm to let you go. "Poor Paul needs a break from us pounding like dogs in there." You said walking into the building. Randy caught up with you, "Well this dogs ready to pounce.". He sprayed mouth spray in his mouth winking at you.

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aishangotome · 6 months ago

Text

Alfons Sylvatica: [Mad Love] Chapter 24

Chapter 23

♡———♡

(Happiness that will one day turn to tragedy…)

(What’s the point of giving such a thing?)

The warmer the memories, the greater the disappointment at their loss.

It is precisely because there is such a thing as love that we despair when we lose it.

(Wouldn’t it be much more accurate to say that I loved her properly if I were killed here and now?)

Before we make more memories.

Before I devour her love any further.

Alfons: ...............

I put my black gloves back on and confront the man aiming a gun.

"Go ahead, hero of justice. Try shooting me."

I tried to spit those words out, but---,

**flashback**

Kate: No… Please don't die.

Kate: My love, my feelings, they're still…

Kate: Please don't let them become an illusion…

**flashback over**

Alfons: ----......

The words caught in my throat.

(... This is no good.)

My past self, who threw my life away in front of her, would laugh at me now.

I couldn't even bring myself to lie and say, "Go ahead and kill me."

(I'm different from those adults. Because I have love.)

The "love" I whisper is always a lie.

I am an illusion, who you may never see again, who you may never meet again.

Even so, "there may be a moment of salvation."

That kind of hope is necessary to crawl through this bleak reality.

... Shallow, pitiful, and yet, lovely, isn't it?

I whispered empty words of love and sought only a convenient relationship without love.

I was about to disappear without loving or being loved—-.

(—You ruined everything.)

Kate: Why do you reject me like this, when all I do is love you…?

(You appeared before me,)

(and foolishly, directly, tried to shower me with love.)

My body is heavy with the love I've consumed,

and I can no longer simply vanish like an illusion.

I still don't know if we can love each other properly.

Just then---,

Kate: Put the gun down—!

Her trembling voice fell into the darkness of the night.

Alfons: ....!

Over the man's shoulder, he could see Kate aiming a gun.

Kate: If you move, I'll shoot.

(... What are you doing?)

Before he could be surprised, he was exasperated.

(Are you going to become a murderer for me?)

(If I die, you'll forget who you pulled the trigger for.)

(Only guilt will remain in your hands.)

Even though you know you might be thrown into the abyss someday, how can you love so openly and straightforwardly?

Frankly, I don't understand.

(Come to think of it, you've always been like this.)

(So serious, so stubborn, so straightforward.)

--That's why I want you.

I want you to keep looking at me straight on.

(So much that it burns into my retina.)

(Even if I die and everyone in the world forgets me--I want you to remember me vividly.)

If proper love doesn't seek anything in return, then what's nesting in my heart must be something else entirely.

(But... love doesn't need anything in return, right?)

I don't believe in those useless sermons I've heard somewhere, but seeing her throw herself into love like this, I can't help but believe.

I still don't know if I can love her properly.

(Love doesn't seek anything in return... if that's true,)

(then it's okay if I devour that proper love and drive you crazy, right?)

(Back to Kate's POV)

Kate: I'll go buy something. Wait here for a bit.

Alfons muttered that he was a little hungry, and I wanted to eat something delicious with him,

so I ran alone through the night to a sweets shop that was open late.

(I hope Alfons likes it too.)

(Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever asked him about his taste preferences.)

The bag was filled with the sweet smell of crumbly fudge that melts in your mouth, cupcakes with cream, and the shop's popular sweets.

(I didn't buy it now because it's hard to eat, but the apple crumble cake at that shop is also exquisite.)

(I want Alfons to try it someday.)

I'll invite him to the café next time.

As I smiled at the thought, I saw a figure in the place where I had parted with Alfons.

Kate: Al---, .....?

(There's someone else there...?)

The paper bag I was carrying fell onto the cobblestones at my feet.

The sound seemed strangely distant.

--A gun was pointed at Alfons.

Kate: …… –– !!

The moment I understood, the scene that had seemed like slow motion flashed back.

His body slowly tilting.

The memory of his shoulder collapsing on the floor, stained with blood, came back to me, and fear rose from the pit of my stomach.

(Alfons …… !)

My fingers trembled with agitation, but I managed to move them and fumble for the leg holster under my skirt.

(Who was that—no.)

(More importantly, I have to save Alfons now ……!)

Man: Then I'll kill you--and we'll become justice!

Alfons: .................

I shivered, not because I felt murderous intent from the man's back—

but because the way Alfons was looking at him with a very calm expression told me that even this was commonplace.

This must be the price of their creed of "fighting evil with evil."

If I want to stay by his side, this is the reality I can't turn away from.

And for me, who doesn't want him to disappear yet—,

I have no choice but to block the murderous intent directed at him.

Kate: Put the gun down—!

Man: ––Eh !?

I pulled my gun from the holster and aimed it from behind.

Kate: If you move, I'll shoot.

Man: Tsk…!

The man froze, then slowly lowered the arm that was holding the gun.

(... Good, it looks like I won't have to shoot.)

I relaxed a little.

At that moment—the man suddenly turned around.

Kate: ---Huh!?

The muzzle of the gun was pointed straight at me.

(No...!)

I instinctively tried to squeeze the trigger without even aiming,

Immediately after---.

Man: Ugh …… gah …… !!

A red, wet blade protruded from the center of the man's chest.

Kate: Ah …… Alfons ……

Alfons: Oops, my bad. I accidentally created a grotesque object in such a conspicuous place.

When the saber was pulled out of his body, the man collapsed on the spot.

Alfons: I need to ask Victor to clean this up as soon as possible.

Kate: ……!

He quickly sheathed his blood-soaked saber, surely to keep me from seeing it.

Exasperation and affection washed over me at his thoroughness in trying to shield me from reality.

Kate: Alfons, are you... alright?

Alfons: Of course, as you can see.

He spread his arms wide, then suddenly gave me a reproachful look.

Alfons: That aside. You were about to shoot randomly, weren't you, Kate?

Alfons: What if the trajectory had been off or the bullet had gone through and hit me?

--CHOICES--

I felt like I wouldn't hit you

I practiced, so I thought it'd be okay

I didn't have time to think

----------------

Kate: …… I didn't have time to think that far ahead.

Alfons: Oh my, how scary.

Footsteps approached, and the gun was taken from my palm.

Alfons' hand gently enveloped my empty hand.

Alfons: …… Hey, Kate.

Alfons: Please use the gun only to protect yourself, not for me.

Alfons: I'd rather not be accidentally shot by you.

Alfons: …… Besides, I've learned that I can't die so easily anymore.

The whisper echoed sweetly in my ears as "truth" –

Kate: .....!

The fear and tension I had felt a moment ago suddenly overflowed in my chest, and I collapsed on the spot.

Alfons: Oops.

The hand that had been supporting me now wrapped around my waist.

Clinging to him with my weakened hand, I raised my head and met his gaze directly.

Kate: You absolutely promise...?

"It's not so easy to die"...... It's true, that's what Alfons said.

(But, when he rushed to my side just now......)

For a moment, it seemed as if Alfons had given up on living.

With his eyes wide open, if I wasn't there by his side, holding his hand,

He would easily sway between life and death again –

Kate: You absolutely, absolutely, must not die somewhere I don't know......

Gripping his chest tightly, his eyes fell to my hand – and he laughed.

Alfons: Well, as you've seen, I'm often in life-or-death situations, so "absolutely" is difficult, but I'll do my best.

He answered so nonchalantly and cheerfully that I got angry.

Kate: This is where you're supposed to say "absolutely," even if it's a lie......

Alfons: Hehe, you're right. How unlike me, to accidentally tell the truth.

Alfons: I even missed a perfect chance to die naturally and saved you.

Alfons: Can't you trust me for the time being?

"For the time being" is too uncertain a time frame to be satisfied with.

At the very least, I want compensation for the strain on my heart when I saw Alfons being held at gunpoint and my breath almost stopped.

Kate: ......Next year.

Kate: If you promise to go to the pie-throwing festival with me next year, I'll believe you......

Alfons: .....

Alfons: Heh...... Ahaha! You're really such a fool, aren't you?

Kate: You won't promise?

Alfons: Yes, yes, I will. Let's get messy together next year too.

But the trouble is, promising next year makes me want to be with you even more.

Kate: ......What about the year after next?

Alfons: Well, you see, we can promise that next year if we're still alive, right?

Kate: You're saying things that make me uneasy again......

Alfons: Hehe...... I can't help it, I want to see that pouting face.

Kate: ......

He poked my lips, and the corners of my mouth tingled.

Even if reality is a cruel darkness.

His gray eyes reflect me.

Just that makes me believe that the light of hope continues to shine.

Alfons: Well then...... I think I've come to somewhat understand this "proper love" you speak of.

Alfons: ......Shouldn't we end this wholesome date about now?

Mad Love Chapter 24 Premium Story

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