#but i'd like to vent

[palidoozy-art]

I know I haven't posted in a bit, and I don't usually like to get too political, but:

I am very, very thankful I am fortunate enough to have moved from Texas to Massachusetts, and very, very upset the vast majority of people do not have similar options to me. It doesn't even protect me fully -- federal rights can supersede state ones, after all. The richest trans person in the world is still a trans person, and Project 2025 makes no distinction.

But I'm sorry. This was an election that was ours to lose. Everyone's out here pointing fingers, trying to find a scapegoat, and trying to argue that not enough support for their single pet cause was the reason we lost. But the reality is that It's the Economy, Stupid. We came out of a pandemic that obliterated our supply chains. Inflation and a warped view of the economy was always a hard hill to climb over, and all the social justices in the world don't mean much to people when they think their own livelihoods are at stake.

I am of the personal opinion that any incumbent this election would have lost. Even a republican. Was I hopeful that wouldn't be the case this time? Oh, absolutely! Will I still be bitter about it? Sure will! But no amount of charisma or campaign promises will ever climb over the burden of a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi going from $5 in 2020 to $8 in 2024. I think we tried to handle it the best we could. But every chart showing that inflation is cooling, that unemployment is low, and that we achieved a soft landing and avoided a recession does not matter when you pick up your grocery receipt and feel like you're paying twice as much as you did five years ago.

Don't mistake me for saying Trump would be better, though! He won't. And I will admit, there is a touch of glee I will feel over all the eCoNoMy voters getting to learn very quickly what tariffs are (and do), and the studies of their effects on washing machines. Does that offset the pain of the next 4 years, or justify the suffering of people far less fortunate than me? Fuck no. Spite can certainly fuel me, but it won't keep me warm at night.

I guess this is a lot of words for me to say I'm sorry. Sometimes you are dealt a losing hand. Doesn't mean we did everything perfectly, obviously. But there's no single fix, no single solution, that could have solved people being furious that eggs cost $4 a dozen now. We tried.

Protect yourselves, and try to protect those around you. If spite fuels your day-to-day, so be it. We have to wait and see anyway. I know I'm going to focus more locally for the next 4 years (hopefully to get more housing built, so more people can move here).

[hilacopter]

I find it ironic that western leftists demand israelis leave israel because we're all white colonizers in their eyes (regardless of the fact that even if jews really weren't indigenous to the levant, which we are, over half the population is middle eastern anyway), but when we do leave israel for other countries we get hatecrimed. it would be bad enough if we had people telling us "good on you for going back to where you came from" or some shit but no they really just view us as inherently irredeemable and evil no matter where we are. almost feels like they're trying to lure us into being harassed overseas.

[sunlit-mess]

consumed by the inevitable

[adustoflove]

You only realize you've been treated poorly your whole life when someone doing something simple to help you out without asking immediately flusters you so badly you can barely look them in the eye or speak

[philonob]

Overwhelmed.

[the-magpie-collective]

"Make Wyll worse. Make him turn evil. Make him want revenge or to hurt other people, just like the other characters. That would fix him. That would make him interesting."

Wrong. Wrong. Very wrong.

Make Wyll worse. Make him continually sacrifice his comfort for the safety of others. Let him constantly put himself last in his goal to make the world a better place. Watch him erase his sense of self for a heroic mask that exists to make others feel comfortable and at ease around him. Have Wyll grind away at himself day after day after day until there is nothing left for him to give. The only worse Wyll I want to see is one who continually sets himself on fire to keep others warm.

I cannot fucking wait until this idea that just because someone is good/kind/helpful then they must be infantile/naive/boring dies. No, being a nihilistic pessimist is not more interesting or whatever, especially when there are already characters in BG3 that fulfill that role.

[dootznbootz]

"Oh, that's technically your half-brother. You shouldn't call them your brothers because that gets confusing for others-" True, we have different dads. But I'll still call him my brother. He will always be my brother.

"She's really actually their aunt-" That's their mom. They call her mom. She is their mom.

"They're not even related to you-" That doesn't mean they're less of an uncle to me.

Don't be the "Technically" police with what people call their family members! You can take note but don't ask them to change what they're called because it's "confusing"!

[poisonousquinzel]

they deserved better idc 😐

[deoidesign]

Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!

Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.

You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.

I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...

I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.

[writermask-0807]

king baldwin iv x reader {“flowers of my love.”}

thinking about king baldwin iv again, and i have a personal (and also probably extremely ooc (pLEASE DONT COME FOR ME)) headcannon that he’s the type to gift you flowers;

dahlias and roses and stocks and orchids, camellias and amaryllis-es and hydeangeas and tulips, carnations and sunflowers and daisies.

his growing illness confines him to his chambers far too often, and, left alone in an aching solitude that baldwin thinks he should be used to now, he’ll read. and it’s through this - books upon books, pages upon pages, words upon words of so, so many stories he’ll never get to live through - that he discovers the language of flowers.

flowers for sadness, for fear, for anger, for hurt, for love- flowers for a whole language of feelings he doesn’t dare to confess to you.

so instead he leaves them in your chambers, the delicate things, (little confessions on their own) in silk cloth bouquets and pretty-necked vases, in twine-bound bunches and satin soft ribbons, never daring to give them to you in person.

(but, unbeknownst to him, you lovingly press them all.)

[danwhobrowses]

I'm not sure how much good this vent will do, I'm not even sure I want to post this vent after my last one, but I'm writing it just so it's out of my head and into words because it seems once again fandom has chosen to send vitriol Ashton Greymoore's way.

What for? They talked to a 'specter' of the primordial titan within them, through their connection to the earth, the natural flow of creation and destruction. They ask what will happen to the world, it responds that it'll endure, they ask what of the people, it responds that the strong will survive and the weak will be remade into something stronger, to which Ashton replies they think they understand. To fandom this means that Ashton is becoming a fascist, that they have a 'Make Exandria Great Again' attitude for wanting the Primordials back, that they need to be beaten up or 'get what's coming to them' in order to change their mind, and I can only sit here and stew and wonder if this hate is really well-founded? Ashton is among my favourite characters in C3, I get frustrated by them at times too but if I think about it a big percentage of my frustrations is more towards people disliking them than me disliking things they do, or Matt setting up scenarios that doesn't do them any favours towards the fandom that hates them. Some of these are knee-jerk reactions of course, but for others it does feel like they have it out for Ashton, and I don't wanna engage with that, which makes it quite lonely when most of the fandom hones in on it.

For the most part I can understand how the whole 'the weak will be remade' bit can be taken badly; it's definitely iffy, but every other plan we have is also very iffy. The Release Predathos option literally involves unleashing an entity that wants to genocide the gods, the Maintain Status Quo option ('option' the status quo imo is impossible, in my mind the Gods can stay but the dynamic will still have to change) maintains a relationship where the gods pick and choose who they feel deserves help, using their power to covet more power, strongarm and demand loyalty, and overall choose fellow gods over mortals when the chips are down and not owning up to it. We should also remember that entities can speak in riddles, 'remade into something stronger' doesn't necessarily mean death; it could mean to adapt and grow, to become strong enough to bear and overcome it as many of the PCs of Critical Role have done with their hardships and trauma. It's worth reminding that the sad truth is that people will die whatever outcome happens - the aim is always to lessen the amount but if the Gods leave it's a power vacuum, if we linger too long it's a Calamity, and if the Gods stay it's a holy war on a more wild and less organized scale - and that Ashton isn't saying they approve of such death, merely that they think they understand. The commune doesn't tell Ashton which way to go; it only tells them that the world will endure, there will be change and it will change people, trees will still grow, the wind will still blow, the waves will still flow along the coasts of the sea, and people will survive. I know the interpretation can differ from people thanks to Matt's patented vague or riddle-mounted choices in phrase, but I also think if it was the Wildmother who told Orym or some other follower that 'nature is a cycle, everything must adapt to change or else it'll die - this world will change, but it will also survive' nobody would be calling Orym a fascist, people would accept it because the Wildmother's domain is nature, and nature is not always kind.

While we're mentioning Orym - and because this is gonna come off as critical I must preface that I like and enjoy All of the Hells, that's not changed - I also gotta call it out here because it does very much feel like the people who hate Ashton hate them for the reasons they love Orym. Both are stubborn, they're diligent in their personal code, they care deeply for their friends and would give their whole being just to keep them safe, they believe in the Hells' power and greatness more than each member does and more than they believe in their own, but Ashton gets the hate mainly because these fans agree more with Orym on the god stuff. What confuses me though is how these same haters can despise Ashton for being consistent but love Braius, the literal Devil Worshipper who secretly is on board with the Chase Away plan only so he can help the Devil rule the world, the compulsive liar. Where's Braius' scrutiny? A world under Asmodeus will be a far worse 'survival of the fittest' scenario, why does Braius get a pass in all this stuff huh? Because he's funny? Seems people ignore the whole morality talk when they're discussing Braius' dedication to Exandrian Satan.

I find it irksome too that even the group seem to criticize Ashton reaching out to Primordials too - as if that wasn't what we wanted them and Fearne to do anyway. They don't dislike the gods simply because they're a 'great entity', it's because they're a great entity that holds power and doesn't use it equally or fairly; they pick and choose who to help, a lot of the time in Ashton's experience for their own self-service, but they won't prioritize mortals over another god no matter who cruel or heinous the god is being, and the following of these gods are so intertwined with politics that most religious motivation also ends up being political. Ashton has no connection to the gods, they reached out and got nothing, an Angel looked at them and made them feel like nothing, but they do have a connection to the Primordials; from the Earth Golem to the Titan Empress they're literally a vessel of, they experienced something significant in their connection to the Earth, so I don't like how that they're almost mocked for having it. In addition, Ashton's behaviour during this commune differs because of that connection, but also because the titans are a natural flow; they don't demand or test or politic or prejudice, and despite being a Great Entity in its own right it never made sure Ashton felt small for their own satisfaction, they asked a question and got an answer, it's the same reason Ashton has disdain for most political leaders but likes and respects Keyleth, Allura, Kima, Pike, and (eventually) Percy despite also being people in power. To call on Orym and the Wildmother as an example again; Orym's an Air Ashari, the Ashari are guardians of the Elemental Planes - made from the Primordials - not tied to a god, but nobody criticizes his connection to the Wildmother despite both not being a follower and his culture being more tethered to Primordials and their descendants. I'm not saying it's all correct for Ashton to want things to go back to how Primordials ruled, but we must remind ourselves also that we only know a story written by victors when it comes to the Schism - a story which could very easily have been altered and edited to make it feel more justified for the Primes and mortals to actively genocide all the Primordials, the native species and creators of this world, and desecrate their remains to make weapons, soul anchors, and cities - the specter didn't say 'fuck em, all mortals should die' after all, if they believe mortals would survive then they must be at the least tolerant of mortal existence. Why is it okay for god followers to say they wanna keep the world with the gods they have a connection to (and I'm not saying they aren't) but Ashton is out of line for wanting to have a world which has something active that they also have a connection to? It seems rather unfair to allow one side to have and the other to have not, picking and choosing because our audience's bias has spent more time with the gods, Ashton wanting something they can connect to doesn't feel all wrong either, the Eidolons still exist with faint worship hiding away so they're not smited by the gods, why can't faith exist so they're not in hiding? I sincerely doubt the Punk Rock that is Ashton is asking for the Primordials to fill the Gods' roles the same way the Gods have been running things either, they want to break the throne remember? There needs to be a balance in ideals and practice of course, and in an ideal world there could even be a more fluid and all-inclusive Exandria where gods and Eidolons live harmoniously with mortals without hierarchy and class systems, I think Ashton could happily live with something like that, they did say the world needs 'a little chaos' to call back to Matt hinting that the current world doesn't have enough.

Which leads us to those wishing violence upon Ashton - and I really don't like that. People who say 'hitting them over the head is the only language they understand' seem to misinterpret Ashton as if everyone around them have been on their hands and knees begging Ashton to reconsider and them ignoring valid points and pulling a Leroy Jenkins. In reality, nobody is actually talking to Ashton about it, a lot of the frustration with Bells Hells right now is that they aren't talking to each other, even about the end goal! Ashton has valid reasons for their thinking, so being violent isn't gonna change their mind; undermining, dehumanizing and trying to effectively bully anyone let alone someone with chronic pain and low self worth will never truly convince them to your way of thinking. All people understand the language of violence, but that language is not used justly, those who truly wish violence upon Ashton don't want it in hopes it'll force Ashton to change their mind, they want it for their own satisfaction of seeing them in pain; so they can further push them away from the rest of the group and go 'that guy's not one of us', make it so the people Ashton calls family after a lifetime of loneliness, confusion and abandonment - the people they promised they won't abandon, and have kept true on that promise even at their lowest - make them feel small and worthless, and force them into box where they can't be themselves, and I hate that people would want to treat them that way. Ashton IS capable of listening; they've stepped back and trusted the other Hells to do their own thing even when it's ridiculous like staging a play where they pretend to be Ludinus to trick Unseelie emissaries into thinking that he attacked them, they listened to the gods even when they didn't have to like they promised they would and despite it being very personal they held themselves back for the benefit of the group, and if the group talked to them calmly where they were all allowed to healthily discuss the pros and cons, the ideals and compromises, and the risk and reward of all plans that have been proposed then they would listen, and they would try - you don't need to slice bread with a broadsword.

Will Ashton 'get what's coming to them'? Maybe, but what is that exactly? We only assume to know the full vision of what Ashton wants to act on. All of Bells Hells are gonna face the consequences of the choice they make on Ruidus - when they finally make one that is - in and out of the world they live in, so won't that apply to everyone? So what for Ashton? do people want Fractures 2.0? Does everything Ashton wants in life have to blow up violently in their face? Family, Closure, their best friend's safety, why does 'what's coming to them' have to be something aggressive and harmful? People change through positive reinforcement and good experiences too! Caduceus Clay would remind you that it's love that makes people. Don't mistake this rant as me wanting Ashton to be exactly as they are now, I too want to see growth from Ashton and we ARE seeing it happen; I see it in small instances where they think twice about rash actions and try not to fly off the handle, when they sit just to listen or understand or to defuse tension, and that when they're going somewhere or doing something they let the group know in advance, those who think Ashton hasn't changed since ep. 1 aren't paying close attention, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have more ground to cover. I believe that Ashton grows the most through kindness; when they're treated like a person and not a blunt instrument or a nuisance, and I hope what's 'coming' for Ashton isn't rejection, bitterness, and isolation, but acceptance, empathy, and for someone - if you know me you'd know who I'd want it to be - to convince them that they are worthy of living, that they're special not because of their powers or blood or because they have died and been put back together again (honestly, it does irk me a little that both Keyleth and Imogen chose that for titles and to brag to the Matron, I know it isn't intended this way but sometimes it feels like saying 'your best defining quality is that you've died a lot') but because while they have every reason to hate everything they still chose to be kind to those who deserve kindness, they have a good heart and they mean well. Are they perfect? No! They're in their 20s very few people irl have their lives together at even twice that age, but I want them to have good things in their life; things that help them feel happy and safe and like they can still feel comfortable in their own skin without having to appear more 'palatable' for people who've already decided that they don't like them. I want them to know that they've always deserved to live and they still deserve it now, I want that not just for Ashton but for all the Hells, and hopefully they'll all live to have it.

And most of all I want the people who hate them to be wrong about Ashton Greymoore, and I want Taliesin to prove them wrong.

[mathematical-cheese]

A reminder that 1) asexuality and aromanticism are spectra, there isn't an allo/a binary, and 2) the repulsed/favourible spectrum isn't reserved for the use of aspec people. It is possible to be allosexual and be sex averse or alloromantic and romance repulsed. "Attraction doesn't necessarily mean action" also applies to allos and I wish that was more widely accepted because it would save a lot of allos a lot of hassle. I just didn't expect to have to point either of these put to the aspec community

[m4rs-ex3]

actually gonna take a mini break..... which could mean i won't go on tumblr at all or it just means i'll only be making simple posts and not reblogging, and it could be for the rest of the day or it could be for a number of days (this is significant i promise usually i would be yapping like CRAZY rn)

i don't like disliking my show. i don't need to hear about everything they did wrong when i want to be celebrating everything they've done right for 7 seasons. i can't expect everyone to decide that positivity is the only way and i can't expect people to not want to share their opinions when i can't seem to stop talking about my opinion on that. i don't want to do what i did when season 4 came out and i tried to forget tdp existed for months because i couldn't stand being a fan of something others didn't like. tdp is everything to me. i'm not letting this part of my life go because i care too much about what everyone else thinks. and i know that's nobody's fault but my own, but still. i'm hoping it dies down, but even if it doesn't, i just need to step back and remind myself why i love this show, and that that is all that matters.

i know it is NOT that deep but the finals week stress + mourning-in-advance + insane adrenaline rush and joy while watching followed by + immediate feeling of dread and incredible sadness and confusion and anger after i've already had a rough couple and months and tdp was the sole thing keeping me going, it has all just been a lot, as i'm sure you can imagine. it sounds so excessive and sensitive and it probably is those things, but it's how i feel. mainly i just really needed to get this off my chest lol

[citrine-elephant]

leon, but he's really good at hiding his panic attacks. or, uh, he's very good at being not so obvious upon first glance

dissociating saves his ass from being spotted. just full mental shutdown. able to hold down that agonizing buzz in his stomach. his hands still shake, but he's got it down to operate with that. been in hell enough times to need to just suck that up and adapt with it.

if he's not in his body, he's on autopilot.

deer in the headlights look, but it's not like that's out of place on the battlefield. in the office, it's a little weird for him. but he's a weird guy. (hunnigan spots it immediately)

tense? he's always tense. that's normal. normal to a-pose on your enemies.

bonus points if he's actually pretty damn aware and in touch with this quirk about himself. and gets annoyed that he's completely aware, "this is a panic attack, and it will pass. just a fun chemical reaction, mind over matter bullshit" and it doesn't just disappear immediately.

[adustoflove]

I've acquired this unique ability called completely losing all feelings for a person the moment we don't talk for a few days, then, gaining some of them back when we talk, then losing them again. Like I....don't know what's wrong with me or why that happens, but I would like it to stop.

[gloom-metal]

everyone and their mom, mainly people smarter than me, have talked endlessly about fallout and especially about both new vegas and 4, but fuck it, i'll add my two cents

i think my problem with bethesda's take on fallout as opposed to black isle's/obsidian's is that they're just too caught up on the Aesthetic™ of it. they try going so hard on the "50's retro futurism meets mad max" visual that they forget why that's the case in 1, 2, and new vegas.

the kitschy, 50's visuals are there not just to contrast the modern, post-apocalyptic landscape, it's there to contrast to how pre-war america operated. before the nukes fell, america was a totalitarian, military dictatorship that routinely engaged in human rights violations that wore the facade of idealized 50's suburbia. and 200 years later, it's the only thing that remains of its corpse. in new vegas, this part of the setting is acknowledged, but it's more concerned on the current culture of the mojave and a major theme of the game (if not the series) is how to build a new society that won't destroy itself like the one that came before (it's no coincidence some of the characters that cling harder to the past are more prone to have evil karma)

but to bethesda, there's no underlying point. the aesthetic is the point. here's a bunch of things related to nuka-cola, here's a quest where you play as a silver age-esque comic book character, here's group of people that treat power armour like 50's hot rods (and i have to admit, i actually think that's pretty cool), here's a door to door salesman but he's a ghoul, etc, etc. there's all this imagery and aesthetic choices but none of it seems to tie to any theme or actually try saying anything.