#but i'd forgotten how bad it was when she was still drinking

[miodiodavinci]

more importantly i've reached the part of my archive immediately after everything horrible came to pass and the leech basically had full run of the house because no one had any authority to stop her and i'm just 👁 👁

it really is wild to read my personal, in-the-moment recounts of her committing and saying the most heinous, vile shit and then also see myself saying "what if i'm being irrational ; ; ; what if this is actually all my fault actually ; ; ;

i've been going through my twitter and working on cleaning out old irrelevant rants (like all the times i complained about my art or went on and on about how sick i was of ace discourse) and personal life details that no one really needs to know (dealing with the leech and fighting with siblings) and just

it really is so so clear that i have adhd and have difficulty regulating my emotions skdfhgls

[creedslove]

WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: even against your wishes, your bond with the Millers straightens and a series of events causes you and Joel to get closer, enough to spike the fear of falling again for him

• This is the second part of Who Knew? 💍💔 Which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), house breaking, protective Joel, sexual tension

A/N: so besties, I've been obsessed with this idea, and I hope you enjoy it as well! I mean, I've been writing a little more than 1k words a day, there were some parts I thought were good and some were not so good, as a final result, I don't know, I really hope you all enjoy it my lovelies! It's so hard to resist Joel, isn't it?

10.4k words

If someone told you one day, after a decade of being divorced from Joel due to the huge heartbreak he put you through, your bond with the Millers would straighten once more, you would stand up and punch them out. It was so ridiculously absurd to think you would become closer to the man who chewed you up and spat you out and even if he had indeed changed and was a better person, wasn't enough to make you forget what happened. Yes, you had forgiven him, but not forgotten what went on between the two of you, and even if a part of you desperately begged you to stay away and never talk to Joel again, destiny was pretty ironic at its doings and made you and his daughter, Sarah, become friends. You didn't mean to, and you were sure that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have said yes either, but you never knew she was his daughter and he never knew his daughter's friend was… well, you.

After he did some working at your home, he had asked you out, which you actually considered, but then dismissed the idea completely, there was no way you would put yourself through that again, even if he was even more handsome than when he was young, even if he did make your heart race and pound like you were some inexperienced teenager and even if late at night before falling asleep you closed your eyes and replayed in your mind the last kiss you cherished. Even if you focused hard enough and could still feel his warmth, the heavy grip of his hand on your waist, the way his beard that now was sprinkled with grays here and there scratched your skin and how Joel Miller still had the best kiss you'd ever tried. For a moment it had felt so right, even if it was wrong, and a hidden part of you, the part that just maybe didn't despise Joel that much often allowed you to wonder what would actually happen if you had given him a chance to take you out, would it have been really that bad? You would've gone somewhere to drink or grab something to eat, hang out, perhaps even dance and of course you would end up in Joel's bed, hardly any woman would pass up this opportunity. For a moment you wish it could've been that way, but unfortunately, you and Joel were done. After you turned him down you still shared a last kiss and then you both went back to your own lives, the only thing that connected the two of you in the past was the failed marriage you had just as the only thing that connected the two of you in the present was Sarah.

She was the loveliest girl you'd ever met in your life, so smart and sweet, always kind to everyone, responsible and even if you had had problems with her dad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her and the fact her own mother didn't want to be around; it sounded crazy to you that woman could give up her chance of being the mother of a wonderful little girl like Sarah, even if Joel had killed any kind of desire of getting involved with someone to the point of building up a family. Not to mention Joel himself, he was a handsome, hard-working man, and he had been a good husband before Angela ruined your life. You knew she wasn't the only one to blame, Joel was a real dick, but now you certainly had two reasons to hate her: the fact she ruined your marriage and that she abandoned her daughter.

After Joel took over the renovations in your home, Sarah continued coming over and even if you felt sort of guilty from keeping the truth from her, you also knew it wasn't your place to tell her, if anything, you and Joel needed to do it together. You couldn't ruin the perfect image she had of her dad, because he was a great father to her and no one could deny that. Overall, you really enjoyed her presence; it wasn't uncommon for her to tag along during lunch time or spend the afternoon reading on your couch. Sometimes you wondered if she didn't have enough friends to hang out with, after all, Joel was busy throughout the day and any teen would take the opportunity of freedom to do whatever shit they wanted with them without having to give their parents the time of the day, but that didn't make any sense, not with Sarah being a sociable girl like she was, so when the realization that she sort of envisioned you as a motherly figure at some level, you felt quite shocked. If life hadn't pulled some unfunny tricks along your way, she could've easily been yours and Joel's daughter. You tried to shake it off and pretend she didn't see you that way, but looking back at your interactions it was undeniable; Sarah opened up to you about things she certainly didn't with Joel, from the pain of periods, to problems with girl friends and boys. It was amusing until Sarah began questioning you about it, asking you about your love life, past relationships and why you were single. You felt bad about not telling her the whole truth, but it was a complicated situation. Especially when she came up with the idea she really considered it to be genius

"Why don't you date my dad?!"

She asked you one lazy afternoon, making you choke softly at the water you were drinking, looking at her shocked and speechless for a while, her sweet smile was impossible to make you get mad at her, and above all it was a genuine question, she wasn't just messing with you.

"What?! My dad looks good, he works hard and he would make you very happy!" She cheered innocently, which caused your heart to sink.

"No… I wouldn't date your dad, he's incompatible… I mean, we are incompatible, I'm sure we wouldn't get along"

"Why?! Is it because you have more money than us? Dad does say you are way out of his league"

And you were shocked and speechless once more. Joel had talked about you to Sarah? And he had told her you were out of his league? This information should have made you scoff and roll your eyes, and not make your cheeks heat up while you blushed.

"No Sarah, Jesus no! It's got nothing to do with money or anything… I mean, your dad works hard and he should earn more than he does, because he is very dedicated and well, an honest working man like Joel can be worth a lot more than a rich guy, trust me" you sighed as she stared at you intently "but the thing is… I've been married once, I was too young, it was disastrous, it didn't work obviously, I got hurt and well… your dad sort of reminds me of him, my ex-husband I mean… It's hard to explain, but no, I wouldn't date your father"

You hated that you lied to her, well, half lies at least, but you wished you could be honest, Sarah was an important part of your life and it would be a lot easier if you three would come clean about everything that happened; on the other hand, you couldn't even imagine the mess you would make in her poor little head, as it was pretty messy and fucked up for you as well whenever you stopped to think you were friends with your ex-husband's daughter, the one he had with the woman he cheated on you with and that simply walked out and abandoned him. It even sounded made up, so you offered her just the piece of information you could. Sarah reached out to you, taking your hand in hers and caressing your knuckles, she gave you a sympathetic look and nodded

"I'm so sorry… I can't even imagine how you must feel, he didn't deserve you anyway, you can be sure you are way better than him, and well, I am just glad dad isn't like that, he's a nice guy, he would never do such a thing to anyone. I just feel like he deserved more too, you know? That woman… my mom, even if she shouldn't be called that, just broke his heart and disappeared. Uncle Tommy told me she never really wanted to have me in the first place and if it weren't for dad, you know…" She looked down trying to hide the thick sadness that fogged her face and it was your turn to reach to her, taking her hand, but seeing it wasn't enough as you got up and walked to Sarah, giving her a hug.

"I don't know, I just wish dad would find a nice girl like yourself and then he could be happy, I mean, we all could…"

•••

Joel groaned at how annoying his brother really was, he didn't get why Tommy would always pry into his fucking business instead of handling his own life, Joel was a grown man and he didn't need anyone trying to set him up with women or just inviting him out out of pity. He could take care of himself; he didn't need to meet women or be in a relationship, he was fine the way he was, his life was already way too hectic the way it was, whenever he felt lonely he could just pick up some woman at a bar and get laid and then go back to his everyday routine. And yet both Tommy and Sarah kept on getting on his nerves, always suggesting him to one girl or another or trying to drag him on double dates. When Sarah had casually told him to ask you out, completely oblivious to the fact he had already done it and you shut him out, Joel was at a loss of words, he tried playing cool but he couldn't deny the mess his feelings had become. He wasn't sure how to suppress them, not after that one kiss. That must've meant something, you wouldn't just give him a speech of how uninterested you were and how you two would never work out again and then kiss him like that, you probably still had feelings for him, if not feelings, at least desire, and as much as he would love to act on it, he didn't want to force things up, to he pushy and make you uncomfortable. He'd hurt you too many times to learn that if you'd asked him to stay away, he should stay away. Not only that, Tommy was completely onboard with everything you had said, to him, the fact Joel was crushing on his ex-wife more than a decade after breaking her heart was a clear sign of madness. He figured Joel still had feelings for you, even if Tommy wasn't one to settle down, he couldn't understand how his brother went from madly in love with his pretty young wife to a terrible husband and finally the asshole who dumped her for another woman. He knew that the passion Joel felt for Angela was strong, but even more than just a burning passion, lay that undying love he'd felt for you, and he was sure it wouldn't simply go away, which didn't necessarily mean that Joel surrendering to that love was a smart move. Quite the opposite, it was probably the dumbest thing Tommy had ever heard in his entire life. How could Joel even keep any hopes of getting with you again?! It hadn't worked, too many people got hurt and all he wanted was that his brother could actually see that, so he simply discouraged Joel from getting anywhere near you, as if it wasn't bad enough Sarah had been dragged accidentally into this story, he didn't want his brother suffering around. So he set his brother up on a date, something that Joel hated with passion but since he was feeling particularly hopeless that night he ended up accepting it.

He was usually very against being set up on blind dates, but Joel had created a depressing ritual of always going out and grabbing a drink whenever he came across the date that would've marked his wedding anniversary with you. Joel often heard men were forgetful and didn't remember important dates, but he had never been like that, always keeping the important dates fresh in his mind was something common, ever since he was a child, especially when they brought him strong emotions, such as the ones he shared with you. He thought it was a little stupid at first, but he found out that it helped him cope with the guilt and the doubts that always clouded up his mind. He would sit at a bar and wonder where you could be, how your life would have been like and if you ever thought of him. It sort of became his thing, but this year, for the first time, he knew the exact answers to his questions, and it was so odd, he decided to take Tommy's suggestions to go out with a friend of his brother's girlfriend, he didn't really care nor paid attention, he just exchanged numbers with her, showered and got dressed after work and headed for the restaurant.

And just as he had predicted, it had been another disastrous date. Not that the girl wasn't pretty, she was, but she was just exhausting; her conversation was tiring, her subjects were boring and overall, she just wasn't you. Joel didn't understand why he was having it so bad for you, he knew he shouldn't, he should forget about it all and focus on something else, but as much as he tried not to think of you, more he thought of you. It was maddening. He couldn't help himself but compare the two of you: you were prettier, smarter, funnier, you dressed and smelled better than that random stranger he saw himself being forced to have dinner with. And he wished with all his heart you could be on that date with him; if only you gave him just one chance to show you he was a better man, he would never hurt you like he did before, give you a chance to redeem himself and make you happy exactly the way you deserved it, he would be the happiest man in the world. Life wasn't gonna make things easier for him, and deep down, he knew he didn't even deserve it in the first place, so he tried once more paying attention to his date, which didn't last very long and the moment he saw the opportunity to leave, he grabbed it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean and headed to a bar - alone, and only after paying for the check, after all, Joel Miller was still a gentleman.

Your wedding anniversary had always been a tricky date for you; there were years you went completely unaffected by it and years you felt like dying. For the first time, however, you were closer to Joel than you'd always been in the years before, and because of that, you decided you deserved better than just stay home and have some bland dinner by yourself, you would go out and perhaps meet other people… And your plan went really smoothly for a while; you got to a nice bar, dressed nicely, dragging some male attention towards you and even got paid a drink by a handsome stranger who waved from afar. It felt like a promising night, until Joel Miller walked in and looked for a table, and he looked devilish handsome as he did so. You bit your lips feeling the alcohol rushing towards one direction at the same time you censored yourself: no matter how lonely and needy you were feeling nor how handsome he was, you couldn't simply feel the hots for him. As if he'd just read your mind, Joel turned around, his eyes falling right on you, his gaze softened up and you saw him running his tongue through his lips, deciding whether or not to walk towards you.

Of course he did it.

The moment he approached, Joel noticed the sadness in your eyes and he was sure you were the for the exact same reason he was, and it was just another motive to get closer to you; taking the chair next to you, he asked the bartender for a drink and as soon as he had it in hands, he stared at you.

"Happy wedding anniversary, darling" he tilted his glass against yours, as you just nodded and took a long sip.

"Happy wedding anniversary, handsome" you replied in a mockery tone using the old nickname you used for him. Handsome was a word that really described him, your Joel. He had always been a handsome man, but how well time treated him was impressive to say the least. He looked so good, he was bigger, broad and stronger. His dark hair had become a little grayer, just like a few patches all over his beard, and that suited him like a damn velvet glove. The way his shirt hung tight around his shoulders and down his arms, eyes lingering on him for way too long, as a warmth spread through your cheek and Joel chuckled

"Funny how you still blush when I'm around… Exactly like old times" he grinned and took another sip of his drink, which was enough to break you free from the spell you were under.

"What are you doing here? I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, Joel" you sighed and stared down into your glass.

"I'm doing the same as you are, darling… I'm thinking about all the bad decisions I made in life. You have been pretty clear, I ain't going to bother you, but I just missed you… it's so weird to see Sarah getting home everyday so excited over you, talking about how nice and awesome you are and I have to pretend not to know about it"

"Yeah? And you think it's easy for me to spend the whole afternoon listening to her talking about what an amazing dad you are? How you are awesome but very unlucky to have had your heartbroken by her mom?" You raised your eyebrow and chuckled

"She really say that?" Joel's expression showed a slight shock "she said I was an amazing dad?!"

You tilted your head at his surprise and bit your lips, perhaps it was just the drinks you had that softened you up a little, but when you saw it, you placed your hand on his arm and shook your head

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised? You are an amazing dad, Joel… that girl loves you more than anything in the world, she idolizes you, of course, she thinks you work too much and that you could both spend some more time together, but other than that, it's clear you are a great father. I was very surprised when we met again, to see your change, I never really thought you would become a better person, not after what happened, but it's nice to see Sarah changed that" you smiled softly at him, and that just melted Joel's rough heart, he immediately took your hand before you could move it away and caressed your knuckles softly, his gaze still making you pathetically shy, as he pursed his lips and you remembered how good they've always felt on your own and also all over your body.

"You know she also sees you as a mother figure, right?!"

"Yeah, I was reluctant to admit it at first, but she does… I guess she needed that, you know? A woman she could talk to about girl stuff, things she cannot talk to her dad or her uncle Tommy" you smiled "I really like Sarah and I'm very glad you allow us to be friends, I understand it is a really odd situation for you, as it is for me, but I like her a lot… you know, if things had been different, she could've been my daughter… our daughter" you sighed "things could've been different Joel… you know what made so hard for me to forgive you? It's not exactly you falling for Angela, of course, rejection hurts a lot, but sometimes it happens, sometimes you fall for someone you shouldn't have, but what still breaks my heart is that you lied to me, you played with me instead of coming clean. You just kept me around even if you didn't want me anymore, so just you would have a comfortable option in case it didn't work with her, and that was what made me feel worse… it made me feel unworthy, because you could still have been considerate of me and just break things up before it all happened" you shrugged

"Darling, I-" he squeezed your hand tighter but you pulled it away

"I'm not trying to make you upset or anything, all I am saying is that things could have been different between us, they should have been at least, if not staying married, having a child and building a family together, then at least having your honesty…"

"What can I do so you forgive me?" Joel asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hide the emotion growing at any minute.

"I've already forgiven you Joel, I already told you that… but I can't forget what happened, it will always haunt me" you sighed "too many things happened and as much as I had loved you, I think I would never be able to trust you"

"Please, I have changed, it kills me to know I've hurt you so much, I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that I did.. please, darling" Joel begged you with those brown soft eyes, his hand cupping your cheek in a warm caress and even if you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch for a while, you knew you couldn't let yourself fall into his touch, because if you did, there would be no turning back.

"If Angela returned today, Joel… imagine if she came back and tried claiming you and Sarah, would you still care about me? Because I don't see this happening, Joel. Honestly, what I think is that you want me because you feel bad about what happened and because you couldn't have who you really wanted…"

His expression was indecipherable and for a second you thought he would say something, but all he did was pull you closer, gluing your lips together in an urgent kiss, you could've fought it, but you didn't; instead, you kissed him back, taking your hands into his curls and tugging at them more and more each time Joel pulled you even closer.

Only when the two of you broke the kiss, he looked into your eyes, his thumb stroking your bottom lip gently

"There isn't anyone I want but you, I never stopped loving you, darling… even when Angela was around, she couldn't compare to you" his words shattered your heart, as much as you wanted to believe that, you still couldn't. You grabbed his hand and sighed

"Don't do this again, Joel, please. You've ruined too many things for me already…" you got up and said goodbye "we can't, you know it"

"What have I ruined for you, darling? Tell me and I'll fix it, please"

You chuckled sad and shrugged

"Joel, you even ruined Queen for me'

You walked away from him, leaving him there with his drink and his thoughts, a puzzled look out of confusion in his face trying to figure out exactly what the hell you meant by that. Just as he saw you disappear out of the door, he realized what meant as he paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing in background:

"Love of my life, you hurt me

You've broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see (...)"

And even if Joel wanted to be rational and convince himself he'd lost you for good, his heart still insisted on wanting what he couldn't have.

•••

Your car parked in Joel's driveway was the last thing he expected to see that night, after working excruciatingly and failing his promise of getting home earlier to have dinner with his daughter. He knew Sarah was probably waiting, disappointed but also used to it, full of having some sandwich or any other snack she could find. He cursed himself for getting so caught up at work, he didn't mean to, but he had done it again, after all, he had to attend an important meeting with a possible new client and then he would need to wait for the arrival of a bunch of materials that had been delayed for weeks, and even if he knew his daughter was safe with you, he still felt upset to have not given her the attention she needed. However, you had never been to his house before, that was something that you established from the very beginning and when he kissed you at the bar a couple of weeks ago, Joel was certain that was the end of seeing you, occasionally or not. He was sure you'd never shut Sarah out, you liked her for real, and she reciprocated the feelings; besides, you were a decent enough human being who knew you didn't have to mix things up. So, the fact you were indeed at his home, was concerning to him, who parked and immediately left, getting inside wanting to see what was going on. The moment the door opened in one hard swing, you got off the couch and walked to your ex-husband

“Hey Joel” you said, a little shy, suddenly, the fact you were standing in the middle of his home uninvited made you extremely embarrassed, as it felt you were somehow intruding on his intimacy. Since the divorce Joel had moved into a new house, bigger and cozier, a nice backyard with a decent swimming pool was something that drew your attention; you smiled at yourself, knowing how much Joel loved swimming, so it made your heart warm to see he had accomplished something that seemed quite small, but it meant a lot to you.

At first, when you saw the house, you couldn't help but be invaded by a furious jealousy of the possibility Joel had built that house for her, Angela, instead of you. Luckily, Sarah clarified he only started to build it when she was a toddler and that Tommy helped him, and that's why he often crashed there. You chuckled to yourself, that was typical of Tommy, but overall you felt proud of Joel and everything he achieved, you knew he had potential and it was great that he actually worked on it.

“Where's Sarah?!” He asked with worry and called her name once more, louder this time, frowning as you shushed him.

“I'm sorry I'm here, but she had a fever felt sick, I wanted to call you but she asked me not to an-” you were cut off by Joel simply climbing up the stairs and heading straight to Sarah's room, he felt a mix of guilt and worry weighing in his heart at the fact his baby daughter was sick and he couldn't be there for her. He barged into her room, normally, that would be enough to startle her, but instead, he found her peacefully asleep, clung tight to her pillow, dressed in her regular PJs. He touched her forehead wanting to check her temperature, but luckily her skin wasn't warm anymore. He looked at the door and found you there, arms folded and looking like you wanted to say something else, and then he just realized how rude he'd actually been to you by simply walking away and letting you talk to a brick wall. He placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead and closed the door behind him.

“I'm sorry darling, I was worried and you should've called me…”

“It's okay, Joel… as I was saying, I wanted to call you, but Sarah asked me not to, she said you were having an important meeting and you would be home soon, anyway” you licked your lips as you realized he was extremely late and probably feeling so guilty about it all.

“You know, she was at my place and she was feeling a little down, at first I thought she was just upset because she wasn't invited to Melissa's party an-”

“That girl is a bitch” Joel said angrily and in such a defensive way that it was both cute he was so protective of his daughter at the same time it sounded hilarious to see him cursing another teenage girl. However, you had to agree with him, Melissa was indeed a bitch.

“Yeah, I know right?! Anyway, I noticed Sarah was burning up with fever and since she didn't want me to call you, I decided to bring her home and stay with her. So I asked her to take a cool shower, gave her some tylenol and made her some chicken soup with the things I found in your kitchen…” you both went downstairs and stopped in his living room. You tried not paying attention to how good your ex-husband looked after his long hour shift; his sweaty shirt so tight against his broad chest, his messy hair and that stressed attitude that would always melt away with a very intense orgasm.

“You made soup?!” Joel frowned a little shocked and interrupted your drifting thoughts.

“Y-yeah, why? Did I do bad?”

“No” Joel smiled softly and shook his head “not at all, it's just that… I haven't had your food in so long and you've always been a good cook, that's all” the nostalgia he felt was so big and it also warmed your heart, nodding at him “well, I made some more in case you wanted to have dinner too, it's in the kitchen, you can help yourself if you'd like…” you offered him and grabbed your purse “can you call me tomorrow and let me know if Sarah is better?”

Joel grabbed your arm gently and shook his head

“Don't go, not yet… just have dinner with me, talk to me for a while, I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything. Just keep me company, it's rare to have people over, it's usually Sarah and I and usually Tommy, but when they are out, it's just me” he looked at you with a sad expression, and you understood perfectly: loneliness.

Coming back home to an empty bed at night. Not having anyone to rely on, to hold, to give you support and affection, to make love. So you nodded and smiled at him, sitting down with him at the table and grabbed yourself a plate, giggling at how hungry he really was, eating as if he hadn't seen food in months. He raised his eyes at you and stopped chewing, blushing as you wouldn't stop staring.

“You know, you and Sarah have the same sad puppy eyes when you are sick?!” Joel raised his eyebrow at you and you laughed softly “same red teary eyes, sniffing as someone takes care of you, it's actually adorable”

“You think I'm adorable?!”

“Adorable isn't exactly what you are Joel…” you said letting your eyes wandering all over him and having your ex-husband to smirk at you

“Yeah? You think I'm attractive?”

“You know you are attractive, Joel, now shut up and eat” you frowned softly and had dinner with him; it was a pleasant moment, spending some time together, without any talks about the divorce or the past, just two old acquaintances who perhaps had some kind of feelings for each other and shared a meal together. There weren't accusations, apologies or tears, just mundane, regular conversations and laughter. It was nice to have that moment with Joel, as you both progressed in a conversation about your lives and how things had changed over the years, truly catching up instead of arguing. When the subjected revolved around Sarah again, your ex-husband couldn't contain his curiosity anymore:

“You never wanted kids, darling?”

You looked down at your empty plate, a glimmer of sadness crossing your eyes as you shook your head and stared at him

“Not after you, Joel… I used to want a kid, before, when we were together, but not anymore. I feel it's too late for me now, even if I'm still young, it just feels impossible, you know?”

Joel's hand rested on top of yours, he caressed it very gently and looked at you. He sighed knowing exactly what you meant, knowing you actually meant having a baby together and of course he blew it once more. He couldn't even describe the remorse he felt, even if you had spent the past half an hour having a rare moment of bliss tougher, he knew he would never be able to erase what had happened between the two of you. He wished he had a chance to do so, but deep inside, even if he did, he knew the damage had been done.

“It's alright, Joel…” you said shyly and got up as you picked the plates and piled them in the sink, he immediately walked to you,

“Let me handle the dishes, it's the least I can do, you know… after you took care of my daughter and cooked for us. I'm sure Sarah loved it, we aren't used to having homemade food” he chuckled as you nodded

“Yeah, I figured, that's why I decided to make something else…” you said as you walked to the oven and opened it, showing Joel the freshly baked batch of chocolate chips cookies. He widened his eyes like a child and smiled big.

“This is your favorite, I figured it was Sarah's as well” you said sweetly and got the tray out of the oven, although you mumbled something a couple of times, Joel hadn't replied to you, as he kept washing the plates without interruption. You didn't get why he ignored your question, it made no sense; just a few minutes ago you were both having a nice, sweet time together and suddenly he wasn't going to say anything? That was odd. You placed the cookies on the balcony and called him again, to which you got no reply so you just shook his arm a little calling him again.

He turned around and watched you

“What is it?” He asked with a sweet smile, making you even more confused

“I called you a couple of times and you didn't say anything… is everything alright with you?” And at that question his face fell and it was impossible for Joel to hide his sadness. He licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah… it's just that… I'm kinda deaf in my right ear” he blushed and looked down in shame “I had a work accident some years ago and something blew up when I stood too close to it and well…” he shrugged and you felt your heart sink. Your poor Joel, always such a hardworking man, despite everything between you both, you never wanted him to be that injured. It saddened you to see how ashamed he seemed of it, even if he had no reason to be ashamed of it at all, and suddenly it made all sense to you why he was always subtly tilting his head to the left or standing towards that direction when he talked to you.

“I can hear it just fine, got used to it by now, but if you mumble something on my right it's kinda hard to me” the simple and even innocent way he said that made you so sympathetic of him, but it was way more than just that. It made you want to hold him, to assure him it was fine and he was still nothing but perfect no matter what had happened.

“Oh Joel…” you whispered and held his head in both of your hands, gently, your fingers brushing against his thick beard as you got closer and rested your forehead against his “I'm so sorry honey” you whispered again and closed your eyes. He was determined to respect you and not get handsy with you, but the moment he saw you pulling him closer, he couldn't help doing the same; gripping your waist with large hands, just like he used to, exactly where they fit so well, he brought your bodies close together.

“Don't go, please… stay” he whispered back, his lips were almost on yours, everything felt so right at that moment even if it was wrong. You hated how it felt like playing with fire: it seemed beautiful and appealing but you would get burned no matter what.

“I'm sorry, you know I can't” you said, moving your lips just an inch further and connecting with his, earning a hungry kiss.

For someone who desperately wanted to keep away from their ex-husband, you were certainly doing a shitty job. He needed you as much as you needed him, you both wanted each other, but you broke the kiss. It couldn't happen, your relationship was as complicated as it was and you didn't want to deal with that responsibility later. His heavy breathing lingered on your skin, at the same time he placed a soft peck on your neck, knowing all your sweet spots, that devilish man Joel Miller was.

“You know you can call me, right? Anything you need, anything at all, just call me and I'll come running to you, darling, don't forget that” he whispered into your ear and more than a seducing invitation, it was a plea, from a hopelessly man in love who didn't know what to do to prove his worth.

•••

Joel's offer to call him whenever you needed was so tempting, because you didn't actually need to call him, but you wanted to. It made no sense, you were the one who wanted to keep your distance from him, but due to the latest events you found yourself wanting to see Joel each time more, just the thought of his presence brought you an excitement you tried not reading too much into it; you didn't want to admit you were crushing on your ex-husband, but then, how could you call the fact your heart raced when you saw him? How you blushed and felt sparkles whenever you touched him briefly - accidentally or not? It was tricky, it was a mess but it seemed Joel made you lose that filter that always kept you emotionally distant from everyone. After learning Sarah was alright, you felt relieved for her, and when she stopped by your home and thanked you for taking care of her, you felt that familiar warmth in your heart. It seemed the more your rational part fought for you to stay away, that you had been severely hurt by Joel and you couldn't afford giving him a chance to do the same for the second time, but your irrational side? The one driven by your feelings and desires?! That one only made you dive deeper into the Millers household. Your feelings for Sarah just grew, you were attached to her and she was attached to you, she found in you the female influence it lacked for years and she represented something you never had but wished you could. And her dad was something else… ever since that evening you spent together, having dinner, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Joel had told you you could call him anytime for any reason. It didn't matter if you wanted to talk, hang out or have him fix something at your place, he was at your will.

And then you weren't certain if your faucet was really leaking, or if your door was actually warped or if all of that had to do with the fact you were looking for an excuse to call Joel and see him. You didn't want to hire him and you didn't want to discuss feelings, talk about the past or hear all sorts of apologies, you wanted to have a nice, pleasant moment with him, just like you had the last time. It felt so familiar and yet so new; it was about the two of you being acquaintances but at the same time meeting each other, your older, more mature versions finally getting together and hitting off. That was the kind of interaction you wanted from Joel.

You just didn't know exactly how to initiate it, not without giving him any kind of hope or leading him into it.

So you decided to focus on work, like you'd been doing for over a decade. You liked your job, it was stressful as any other job in the world and the money was great. However, you had got so comfortable and used to working from home, the days you were forced to actually go to the office felt excruciating, but it was part of the deal and you had to do it. So you got up, got ready - not without texting Sarah to let her know you wouldn't be home that day - and went to do your business. It was also when you noticed something was wrong. You didn't know the car that was parked across the street, it was a little odd, as you got used to all your neighbors and it was such a calm neighborhood you simply noticed when there was someone from outside. Still, you shrugged and got into your own car, driving to work.

On your way back, all you wanted was a cool shower and some relaxing hours scattered on the couch, but you tensed up a bit when you spotted the same car you did in the morning still there. It had nothing indicating trouble, and yet, you had a gut feeling telling you it simply wasn't right, however, there was nothing you could really do about it. You thought of calling Joel, but you didn't want to risk sounding paranoid and overall crazy. What could you tell him?! That there was a car parked across the street?!

You groaned when you checked your email and saw you would have to attend a meeting at work in person the next day. You were so sure you'd solved everything up, so why would you have to go? It was probably one of those meetings that could be just a work email and it annoyed you to no end, but still, you had no other option other than attending so the next morning you were there, getting ready when you spotted the same car. You had no idea if it had spent the whole night there or if it had gotten there before you woke up, nonetheless, you were taken by the same feeling you did the day before, no matter if they were irrational or not, it was just overwhelming. After another day at work, you returned home and sighed relieved to see the car wasn't there. Maybe it had been just a paranoid episode, perhaps you were just reading too much into things and all the stress from work combined with your situation with Joel made you lose your grip on reality a little bit.

The fact was that after doing your regular house things, you decided to take a relaxing bath and sink yourself into your tub. Selecting the perfect bath bomb and adjusting the temperature, you got inside, groaning at how the warm water made your tense muscles relax and you could feel the knots undoing themselves; as you closed your eyes and relaxed, there was nothing clouding up your mind but Joel.

His handsome face, his smile, his curly graying hair. He was your Joel, but older, mode handsome, if that was even a thing, because Joel was definitely the most handsome man you'd ever met. You couldn't help yourself but picture him wrapping his strong arms around your body, perhaps a relaxing bath with Joel would feel so good, you wouldn't be able to to turn it down. Just to imagine his naked body holding yours was enough to spike so many things all over you. You didn't know if you'd ended up dozing off in the tub, but it was hard to say if any time had passed or not the moment you heard some noises around your house. You couldn't remember if you'd forgotten your TV on or something like that, you were sure you hadn't turned on the radio, but it was enough to feel goosebumps all over your skin. You left the tub, drying yourself as quick as possible and wrapping a bathrobe around your body, exiting the room as silently as you could, hearing whispering and steps all over the lower floor. You went to your room and looked outside the window, your heart racing the moment you spotted the same car you'd seen before. You didn't know what to do, you could feel the suffocating wave of anxiety taking over completely. You could hear their voices, because apparently there was more than one guy. They were robbing your home, but what would happen if they reached you? You immediately locked your bedroom door, so relieved to see your phone was thrown onto the bed. Grabbing it, you dialed the number you'd never forgotten.

•••

“Come on, darling, open up” Joel's voice was the first thing you registered after you made the call, hugged yourself against a corner of your room and closed your eyes. You had heard footsteps climbing the stairs and how the thieves banged on your door, but you remained as quiet as you could. Just praying someone would show up to save you. You'd called Joel and he called the cops on his way over, he had dropped everything he was doing when he heard the raw fear in your voice. It was horrible you had your home broken into, but it made it even worse to think of what two criminals could do with such a beautiful woman like yourself. So he grabbed Tommy and they both rushed towards your place. Arriving there almost at the same time as the cops did, finding your front door busted open and a lot of valuable things such as your TV and your laptop gone. He had a baseball bat in hands, ready to attack whoever threatened your physical integrity and when he got questioning looks from the cop, he cleared his throat and explained he was your ex-husband - and friend.

“Is that really you, Joel?” You asked in a little more than a whisper, so glad to know he was there. You walked to the door and unlocked it, seeing Joel's worried eyes scanning you to make sure you were unharmed. Only then, you realized you hadn't gotten dressed, still wrapped in your bathrobe, but it didn't matter, all you could think of was looking for shelter into his strong, safe arms, sinking your face into his chest at the same time Joel caressed your back up and down, his lips planted a kiss on top of your head and another one on your forehead, wanting to soothe you and show you how safe you were from now on. He was there for you, it wouldn't absolve him from what he'd done in the past, but that didn't even matter to you or Joel, the important thing was that he was there, he came as fast as he could only for you and he would do it a thousand times more if necessary; you both knew that.

“I got you, baby girl, I got you” Joel cooed at you, tightening the hug around your body and keeping you closer. And you had missed that embrace, you just belonged in it, and you never wanted to let go.

Joel held you through the whole process of talking to the cops, informing them about the strange car that was seen around your home and also listing every item they stole: your TV, an iPad, your laptop and your car. Even if you were safe among them, you couldn't help but feel that nervous, anxious feeling at the very possibility of being alone at home once more. Nothing happened in the end, but it could have happened, and though it sucked to have been robbed of so much valuable stuff, you weren't harmed, and that was what mattered the most to you and above all, Joel.

As the cops talked to Joel and assured they'd get in touch if any of it was found, he walked them to the door and turned back to you, finding you all shy and scared, hugging yourself and looking at him with sad eyes. You didn't want to be alone and you didn't want to have to ask him for company, you didn't want to sound whiny or pathetic, especially not after it was just a break-in without any physical damage.

“Come on, pack your bags and I'll take you home with me” Joel's voice broke the silence and made you stare at him surprised “it can be for a few days, but if you aren't comfortable with that, then let me take you at least for the night, I ain't leaving you alone. Sarah's out at her friends in a slumber party or something, you can take her bed, or mine and I'll sleep on the couch, it doesn't matter, just come…” he extended his hand to you, which you gladly took it, and made his way upstairs, waiting patiently as you grabbed a backpack and shoved a few clothes and accessories you would need. You couldn't even describe how you felt at Joel's kindness. You were so comforted, so glad to see you weren't alone and that he was willing to take care and protect you. It didn't take very long to get your backpack ready, wrapping your arms around his neck in another tight hug, thanking him for being so gentle and earning only reassuring and affectionate words.

Once you got to the truck, you were welcomed by a whiff of his familiar scent, it smelled like Joel, your Joel and your heart warmed. He glanced at you while he drove, still seeing the tension all over you and his hand rested on your knee “you must be hungry…”

“I am” you said, a little anxious and watched as he turned the wheel and changed streets. Even before getting to the address, you already knew where Joel was taking you: your favorite Taco place. You chuckled as you remembered that was your favorite date spot when you were painfully young; when life seemed so promising and Joel Miller was the man who made you stutter and sweat through your hands. Whenever he glanced towards you, your cheeks would heat up and you would feel like bursting into flames. And after you both got married, when things were still good, that was the place where he would stop by eventually, pick up some takeout and take home, as a way of spoiling and thanking you for taking care of him. As he parked, he smiled and cleared his throat.

“You know, this is our spot, I never brought any girl here, with the exception of Sarah, of course, but much to my disappointment, she isn't really into tacos, which makes it exclusively our thing” he winked at you and you nodded, a small, petty side of you felt thankful for the confirmation of Angela never been there with Joel. It was just a taco shop and yet, it was still one thing that it was so yours and Joel's and she hadn't ruined it with her touch. You felt even hungrier at that moment, relaxing to know you could have a peaceful dinner with your good memories and the man who somehow still managed to make you blush, stammer a little and sweat through your hands.

As you both munched on the food sitting down in the back of his truck, just like you did every Friday night more than a decade ago, you chuckled at how things change but somehow remain the same. He tilted his head to the side, wiping a little bit of sauce you had over your cheek, exactly like when you both were younger.

“I know this probably tastes like shit, compared to the food you've had over the years when you traveled all over the world, you know Sarah told me all about it because she really admires you an-”

You took his hand and squeezed it, then placed your hand on his chin making him look into your eyes.

“Joel… this is the best taco I've ever had, the most delicious takeout I've ever tried because you are here with me..” she whispered and smiled, seeing how his face lit up. Neither of you said it, but you were finally having that date he asked you out several months ago, when destiny decided to put the two of you together. As he saw you shivering in the cold wind, he did the honorable thing and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulder and rubbing both of your arms. You thanked him and looked all over his truck

“We spent quite a while in here…” you shrugged “and to think I lost my virginity here… you've always been a real gentleman” you scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel laughed and sighed

“Yeah, well, I've come along nicely, give me a chance and I'll show you” he winked, flirting a little as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! Fuck off, Joel Miller! No guy will ever fuck me in the back of a truck, and especially not you!” You slapped his arm playfully, hugging it and resting your chin on his shoulder, feeling the wind against your face and looking up at him.

“Joel? Can you do us both a favor?” He nodded at you wanting to hear whatever question you had to ask him “please don't let Sarah marry the first asshole she falls in love with”

“I'm on it” he replied, laughing softly and pulling you closer. Closer than you'd ever been to him, he just wished that night wouldn't end too soon.

•••

Lying in Sarah's bed was odd, to say the least; especially when Joel's room was just there, a hallway distant from you. After the moment - better saying, the moments you both had shared in the past few days and even more so that night, you felt things would escalate to another level, a level in which it didn't matter to you if it was right or wrong, It was just bound to happen. But once you got to his home, he showed you his daughter's room, the bathroom, and asked if you needed anything else and simply let you be. Which was what you wanted, it was what you had asked him to do the last time you'd shared a kiss, but at the same time you felt disappointed because you wanted more of him, more of your Joel. The sweet moments you'd spent together were weighing so heavily in your heart, and even if you hadn't forgotten about what happened, the new proximity brought a new light in your relationship with Joel; it felt nice and different, a good different and as much as you closed your eyes and tried falling asleep, you were simply taken back to the moment he held you, soothed you, caressed your skin and assured you everything was alright. Tossing and turning in bed while you wished you were somewhere else instead, anywhere really, as long as he was just next to you. At first, when the gentle strumming from the guitar got to your ears, you imagined you had dozed off for a few minutes, perhaps you had even started to dream, but when your eyes were wide open and the beautiful, familiar sound wouldn't cease, you knew that only meant one thing: Joel was playing the guitar.

It couldn't come from his bedroom, the sound was too far to be coming from there, so you knew you would have to get up and explore. Suddenly, you felt a wave of excitement. Not only did you love watching Joel play the guitar, but now you had a pretty decent and reasonable excuse to go after him. You didn't want to make things weird and be that kind of person to leave the other confused, with your dubious signs, but you were just following your heart at that moment.

You tiptoed through his house, doing your best to move in the dark, as you didn't want to startle Joel or make him think you wanted the music to stop. And then your heart skipped a beat when you looked through the window and saw him playing the guitar on his porch. The cold wind that bothered you when you both were out eating tacos seemed to have stopped, and just then you realized it was indeed warm inside the house. He was so relaxed, strumming his guitar and humming a song softly, you've always loved his singing voice, even if he was a little shy about it, you could sit down and watch him play and sing for hours. You opened the door quietly and rested against the doorframe, admiring it quietly the way he looked focused at his guitar. He played calmly and it was the most beautiful sight you could ever think of. You wouldn't be able to tell exactly how long you stood there, but when Joel looked up at you, you were already walking towards him.

“That was beautiful, Joel…”

“Just like you are, darlin'”

You both knew exactly what you wanted at that moment, how you took another step closer, one after the other and you suddenly were hovering over him. Joel placed his guitar down, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back, not at that moment. In one single motion, he pulled you to him by the hips, a tight grasp around your body and kissing you deeply. You straddled Joel, your hands making their familiar way towards his curls, loving how they always felt under your touch. Unlike the other times you'd kissed, you knew you would both go all the way down, you wanted it, craved it and even if you knew what to do and where to touch, it also felt new, you were both were the same young couple who'd been so in love, newly married and full of hopes and dreams, but you were also a couple who'd lived separately for more than a decade, you had both experienced heartbreaks, passions, you'd tried and touched other people, but eventually, just like home, it you were drawn to each other. There was no way out. When you were shamelessly humping and groaning on top of him, Joel knew it was time to take things inside, to hell with his neighbors, he didn't care if any of them witnessed it, if anything, he wanted people to see what a lucky bastard he was to have you in his arms, that he was going to take you and make you his at least once more. So he got up, lifting you up easily, so easily, and took you inside, climbing stairs with you in his arms, he longed for you, he was hungry for your body, your taste, your touch. He needed you and Joel Miller was about to take it all. He placed you over his mattress and got rid of his shirt - his dark blue one, that looked so good on him - and let your hands wander his body. He didn't take long to undress you, nibbling your thighs in the process, he knew your body like the palm of his hand, with the exception the last time he'd visited it, his palm wasn't as calloused as it was now, just as you weren't so painfully hot as you were at that moment. You'd always been gorgeous, but at that moment, naked in his bed, it was the most beautiful and erotic thing he'd ever seen and yet he wanted it to make it forever. As he got inside of you, he didn't know how long it would last, how long you both would last, you were being way nicer and more compassionate than he would ever deserve it, but at the same time, something within said you shared the same feelings for each other.

Once you both reached your bliss, love bites, kissings, caresses and so much affection between you both, you relaxed into his arms, your head resting comfortably in his chest, and you felt at home. You still didn't know what the next day would bring you both. Perhaps you would stay together, or you would part ways for good, there was still so much to be done, to spoken, you would have to handle the fact and the consequences of not using protection with Joel, maybe that was a good reason to worry about , or not, you didn't want to think of it, just as you didn't want to think of how you both could ever explain to Sarah what happened, or how Joel would explain Tommy and you would explain your family how you got together, maybe even one day Angela could return, you'd learned the hard way life wasn't a bed of roses and you feared that if you agreed to be happy with Joel once more you would get hurt, one way or another, but all that wasn't important, not at that moment. All it mattered was you and your Joel in bed, snuggled up and worrying about nothing but each other. He nuzzled your neck, making you giggle and in return you pecked his lips once more. He wanted to say those three little words, but decided not to, not yet, instead, he wanted to show you it, now he'd had a taste of you, and he vowed himself to make you happy for the rest of his life.

He knew he had broken your heart, it was the worst thing Joel Miller had ever done, but he was going to win you back, because he wasn't going to give up happiness with you, not again.

____

A/N: besties, how did I do? Did you like it? I hope you did! I honestly had planned on writing a sad ending, I was going to make reader move on from Joel once for all, but then, is it even possible to get over him? It's impossible not to fall for him and give him a second chance. A third part is possible but I have no idea when, and feedback is always welcome my lovelies ❤️💕

[0oolookitsme]

"Knight in the shining armour"

This is short, and kinda bad. But I've finished a fic I began writing for the first time in the whole month of March (we're lowkey in April now sooo) so I hope that you don't mind this shit-cliche too much <3

Verse - Footballer!Harry x Art Director!Y/n

Word Count - 1.2k

Warnings - Cuss words, a slur, one little hit to the jaw (literally the whole fic in three little warnings helpp-)

Harry and Y/n are at a party and everyone's enjoying their time until comes in a dude who can neither take no for an answer, nor register the fact that he's just been warned.

Please rb to share! | Masterlist

Everyone had somehow fit on the three sofas in the living room of some dude's, whom Y/n didn't know, party. She'd come here with Harry, just to get away from all of her projects and assignments, and loosen up a bit -- spend some time with Harry and play some games.

Though she wasn’t actually playing any games, she was still enjoying. Cheering with everyone each time Harry scored. She didn't exactly plan on drinking alcohol, considering she had classes early in the morning the next day and had to give a presentation. And still, she stole a couple sips from Harry's red plastic cup every time he handed it to her to play his turn.

A blue drink sloshed around in her cup as everyone roared loudly when Harry scored another point in the ping-pong. She had taken one sip of it, and she just knew that it was close to going stale, somehow. With a big smile on her mouth, she leaned into Harry's side to press a kiss to his cheek, which landed on his ear lobe instead, making the two of them laugh.

When someone bumped into her and apologised right after, her eyes strayed from Harry for a second. She passed the chick a smile and let her go on. And then her eyes landed on a guy standing in the crowd, looking at her with a look she couldn't quite read.

Feeling like she knew him somehow, she settled her gaze back on the game that was still in Harry's favour. She was still a little tense when the realisation sunk in her -- it was Izac. The guy she'd turned down when he'd drunkenly asked her out for sex. He seemed to have taken the rejection well enough and Y/n had moved back to her friend group.

But right now, as he looked at her intently, Y/n had a feeling that maybe he had something to say. Her eyes wandered over to him for the second time and they came in contact with him again, this time his smile making them shrink a little.

Just out of politeness, Y/n smiled back and before she could turn away, he began moving towards her.

Dread settled in her because she didn't have the desire to talk to anyone right now. She just wanted to keep it shut and peacefully watch the game as jazzy blues played in the background. Still, she put on a welcoming face.

"Hi," he greeted and cheered his cup with both of the cups in her hands, causing her to crack an embarrassed smile.

"It's Harry's," she explained shortly, almost fully turned towards Izac now, and by some miracle, Harry turned to see why she'd mentioned his name, almost knocking down his drink in her hand when his arm bumped with the back of her elbow.

"Why don't we go somewhere quieter? It's a little too crowded here," Izac suggested, pulling her attention back onto him.

"Ah, I think it's good enough." She disagreed and before he could persist, she continued. "How's Leah?" She dared to ask about his girlfriend that Y/n solely knew the name of.

"She's good, yeah," he shrugged a little tensely, almost as if he hadn't expected Y/n to have known about her. Maybe she was just reading into it a little too much. 

"I came here to apologise actually, about the last time we met," he said while actively pretending to get a little awkward, clearly lying about his purpose behind approaching her.

"Oh no, that's fine -- I'd mostly forgotten about it," she laughed lightly, faking it still.

"I should've asked you properly, y' know? Sober and all," he quickly uttered out, catching Y/n off guard.

What? She looked at him to see if she'd said that outloud and it seemed like she hadn't. "Oh," was all she said, as she took a sip out of her cup and flinched in distaste. She’d drunk from her own cup.

"I -- yeah. I genuinely think we'd be extremely compatible in bed," he smirked, rubbing the back of his neck on seeing the blank look on Y/n's face.

She swallowed dryly, still quite in shock. "You don't even know me," she mentioned flatly, having quit the politeness because he clearly wasn't reciprocating it. "Plus, you're in a relationship -- not that I would've agreed to this even if you weren't."

"She doesn't have to know about this, you know, Leah," he tried again. "It'll just be for a night. Like, give it a shot, c'mon," he urged her, moving a step closer.

"Izac, back off,” She said firmly. “And no, I won't have sex with you," taking a step back, she added. And now, she could feel Harry's arm against her back.

She felt his breath nearing the back of her neck just in time for Izac to let out a hollow chuckle and begin walking away.

"Fuckin’ slut," he called her, and Y/n was about to snap when she felt Harry's arm snake around her waist.

"Watch your mouth," she heard him spit behind her, now moving to stand beside her.

Izac turned around, a lazy smile on his face, like he was a friend. "Don't bother man. Sluts like her --"

Harry's fist collided with his jaw, cutting him off. He inhaled sharply as Izac groaned in pain, holding his jaw while crouching – he might have broken it.

"Dare you call any girl, let alone her,” he pointed his thumb towards Y/n, “that thing again and I won't mind breaking a couple other bones," he warned,  his voice having gone so low throughout the scene that probably only the five people standing closest to him heard him clearly.

And as Izac was ushered off to a bathroom, Y/n intertwined her hand through Harry's and took them outside. She could feel something wet and sticky on his knuckles as she grazed her thumb over it, his arm a little stiff. It surely hurt.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she began. “I was going to bite right back.”

Harry sighed beside her, knowing that she was right, he didn’t have to do it. “But I wanted to,” he confessed. 

“I just couldn’t believe that that dog said it again after being fucking warned. Like the fact that he said it even once had made my anger boiling,” he said with an angry frown in between his eyebrows, getting agitated again. 

Looking up from the concrete road, Y/n turned to look him in the eyes, waiting for him to do the same. “It’s okay. And, thank you,” she smiled, pressing a kiss on his cheek that had dug out its dimples again. 

“Of course,” he murmured, pressing his mouth somewhere near her hairline and hissed in pain when she accidentally squeezed his bruising hand.

“What?” Coming to a halt with his hand still in hers, Y/n briskly squeezed it again as she continued – “Is this knight in shining armour’s hand beginning to hurt?” She mocked him, cackling when he shrieked again and holding onto his torso for support as her body went limp because of laughing so hardly. 

Shaking his hand out of her grip, Harry pushed his hair away from his forehead. “I’m done being your boyfriend,” he mumbled, a laugh escaping his lips when his girlfriend only threw her head back to laugh harder. 

[joka13]

FANFICTION: Weasley Twins x Reader (Slytherin Girl) - Part 33

WARNINGS: light kissing

So often as it does, your mind composes a dream after you fall into a deep sleep.

You are Draco Malfoy, and you are constantly in a state of fear and dread. Every day is one of misery, though you aren't entirely sure what it is that you are afraid of. Nevertheless, your anxiety embarrasses you, so you taunt and belittle others to hide your own insecurity.

This makes you feel more confident and powerful, but uneasiness still lingers at the back of your consciousness. It remains suppressed and almost forgotten until you are in the presence of certain people: Potter, Snape, Dumbledore, Father, Mother... Umbridge included, but a part of you also likes her because she's helping your power to grow.

Your girlfriend, Maddy, also reminds you of your fear. She shares your fear. You know she's only staying with you because you'll be able to protect her when no one else can. She's selfish... just like you. You wouldn't have ever taken her in if the relationship you had together didn't bother y/l/n. That's how it started, and you had intended to get rid of Maddy a long time ago after she had served her purpose. Instead, you quickly came to realize that she provides a decent distraction from your worries.

And yet, despite how much you deny it, fear, a sense of utter impending doom, prevails...

You wake up from your dream in the early morning and find your pillow wet with tears. You wipe the dry salt off your face and look to the window. It appears you still have a while before you should get out of bed, so you flip your pillow over and attempt to fall back asleep.

You can't help but reflect on your dream, and it disturbs you. You were already well aware that Malfoy was troubled, but standing in his shoes (or rather how your mind pictured what it would be like to stand in his shoes) was truly upsetting. You'd always assumed Malfoy was simply born a prick. You never, until now, would've imagined that he of all people was so scared of anything.

You slowly roll over to glance at Maddy, who snores softly in her own bed. You know it was only a dream, but you feel sorry for her anyway.

Later that day during your lunch break after you've eaten, Fred and George follow you to the library where you look up a recipe for the dreamless sleep potion.

"Why are we here again?" George sniffs, gazing around uninterestedly at the shelves.

"Well, I am here to get a potion formula. I didn't ask you to come with me." You flip through the parchment stack in front of you, spotting the word "dream", and pull out just what you were looking for.

"Nightmares won't let her sleep," Fred explains to George. "If she drinks this potion before bed, she won't have any."

"Nightmares? Would you call the dream you had last night a nightmare, y/n?" George asks as he and Fred tail you on your way to the librarian's desk.

"I... no. Maybe." You borrow the recipe, tuck it neatly into your bag, and lead the twins out to the clocktower courtyard. "I wasn't terrified in the same way that I would be in my typical nightmares. I was scared, but it was sort of... in a depressed way."

"Ah. I'd expect nothing less from Malfoy," Fred says plainly.

You sit down on a cold, stone bench, and the twins, naturally, seat themselves on either side of you.

"Why is that?" you ask.

"He's sad and scared of everything," George says. "And that's that."

Fred slides down into a slump, interlocking his fingers together and flipping them around to crack his knuckles. He then links his hands behind his neck, resting his head. "His father is a control freak, you know. A proud pureblood." He says the word like it tastes bad in his mouth.

You laugh. "Aren't the Weasley's a pureblood family?"

"Yeah. It's only that other purebloods like Malfoy and his father give us a bad rep," George says. "We don't want to be associated with them at all."

"Anyway," Fred continues. "It's safe to assume that Malfoy didn't have a good childhood. And..." He sits up, getting close so he can whisper, "There are rumors that Malfoy's father is a death eater."

"Really?" you gasp. "You don't mean..."

"A follower of You-Know-Who," George whispers. "That is sure to put some kind of weight on Malfoy's shoulders, even if he isn't one himself... yet."

Though this news is shocking, it doesn't surprise you as much as it should. You'd never met Malfoy's father before, but from what you remembered about him from your dream...

"It was just a dream," you say, shaking your head. "It doesn't mean anything."

"That's not true. It at least means you've been thinking about Malfoy," Fred teases.

This comment catches you off-guard. "W-well, he's made it very clear that he despises me, and the feeling is mutual. We only dream about the people and things we feel most strongly about, and he is someone I have very strong feelings of hatred for."

Fred and George only nod. You can tell they are tempted to press the matter further, but they don't. Instead they habitually make it about themselves.

"'...the people and things we feel most strongly about...'" George recollects out loud.

"Have you ever dreamt about us, y/n?" Fred asks slyly. Both twins turn their bodies toward you, each resting an arm on the back of the bench behind you.

You giggle. "I think so."

"You think so?" the twins echo in unison.

You nod. "See... I don't recall having any dreams about you two... directly; I don't remember seeing your faces. But, I have had plenty of dreams with things that could be... symbolic of you. I have dreams and remember them so often that I can sometimes notice a pattern. Lately, there's been a repetition of pairs."

"Go on," Fred and George encourage, obviously very interested in what you have to say.

"For example, I had a dream about flying on the back of a two-handed dragon. It didn't mean anything to me then, but, now that I think about it, it happened not long after I'd officially met you both. And then... I dreamt I found two stray kittens on the street back in England. They were orange." You look up from your lap and laugh at the expressions on Fred's and George's faces.

"That was definitely us!" Fred exclaims excitedly.

"I dunno," says George. "I always imagined that, if I were an animal, it'd be something a bit bigger and more intimidating than a... kitten." He scrunches his nose up in disapproval.

You chuckle. "I'll have you know that, after I took the cats into my home and cared for them, they grew up to be giant tigers."

The twins' eyebrows rise in surprise. "That's us," they quickly agree, nodding fervently. You laugh.

"And there's one more," you add. "Not that it matters, but do you remember that dream I had about the basilisk?"

George clicks his tongue. "Yes, yes. Now that I call a nightmare."

"Don't tell us there were actually two basilisks," Fred chortles.

You shake your head. "No, thank goodness. One was bad enough." You shiver at the thought and the chilly, winter air, and Fred and George scoot in closer to keep you warm. "No, it was before I fell into the river that I noticed at each end of the bridge I stood on was a way out amidst all the fog. I... fell through the bridge because I couldn't decide in time which path to go to."

"And you think we are the... pathways," Fred clarifies thoughtfully.

"Yes...?" you awkwardly chuckle. "This was when I was... I mean, when my feelings were, you know... torn. Before I felt comfortable with... loving both of you..." You trail off and look around in nervousness, making sure that no one else can hear your conversation.

"Aw, you're so cute, y/n!" George coos. He wraps his arms around you in an affectionate, tight squeeze.

"...Why? I mean, wait, stop! I told you last night no more hugs!" you giggle desperately. You squirm in an attempt to free yourself, but then Fred hugs you from the other side and you lose all hope of escaping.

You sigh in frustration, "You two can be so aggravating," as the twins confine you to the bench.

Just then, the clocktower dongs.

"We gotta go to class!" You make one last effort to slither down past the twins' long, strong arms, but it's pointless. Fred and George then, as if to rub it in further, mush your face between theirs with a kiss on each of your cheeks.

They hold that pose as the other students in the courtyard begin to file back indoors, and you receive skeptical looks as they pass you by. You feel self conscious not because you look stupid, but because there are two guys kissing you at the same time so out in the open.

"Pfeaple are shtaring at ush," you manage to say with your squished mouth. It's only then that Fred and George release you, and you scramble to your feet.

"Your reputation began to diminish the moment you first started talking to us," Fred sighs jokingly. "Why do you still care about what other people think of you?"

"I... I honestly don't know," you chuckle wearily. "But I should really be getting to class."

"You needn't bother going to class if you don't plan on finishing the school year," George says presumptuously as you start to walk away.

You stop and make a half-turn, saying, "For now, I do plan on finishing the school year." And with that, you continue towards Divination.

TAG LIST: @tomhockstetter7-111 @jasm-1ne @costheticbabe @luthien-elvenia-asher @megablonde22 @thecuteavocado @weasleylady92 @websfromallthespiders @rubyintheforest @weasleylover4eva @georgeweasleyslostearhq @im-coolrat @them-cute-boys @xmadigurlx @keirasinbin @huayan @deathtonumber7 @elmolovesw33d @coffeebeans11 @dumb4person

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 15 -> CH 16

"Some neighbors borrow sugar or have cook outs." "Pumping your stomach and seeing your cock seems more of a giant leap rather than a small social step"

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver @ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x

Jack rolled over in bed feeling the slight burn of a headache. He reached over to grab the glass sitting on the nightstand to take a drink of the stale water. He felt something brush against his foot and jerked his leg up.

"Sorry my feet are naturally ice cubes." Jack had completely forgotten Y/n had stayed with him last night. He blushed realizing how much of a mess he was last night and how fucking cute she looked in his shirt with bed head. He willed the hard on that grew and pulsated with his migraine in rhythm.

"We didn't..." Jack pulled the covers up a bit feeling how naked he was.

"Uh no we didn't fuck but you did wake up at about 4:30AM and started fighting to escape your pajama bottoms, mumbling about your balls roasting so I wasn't going to fight you." Y/n explained wiping at her eyes. Jack covered his face in embarrassment.

"Don't be shy now. I've been inside of you Thurlow." Y/n wiggled her fingers at him and made a gagging gesture that made him laugh painfully.

"Fuck don't make me laugh." Jack pleaded rubbing his temples. Y/n leaned over and grabbed more aspirin before grabbing his pill case.

"Here, take these before you take your regular meds so they're the first thing that hits the system." Y/n put the pills in his hand and he tossed them back.

"I can't apologize enough. I feel like such a fucking idiot." Jack confessed looking over at her as she stepped out of the bed showing off her long legs.

"Hey! What are neighbors for?" She joked.

"Some neighbors borrow sugar or have cookouts." Jack reasoned.

"Pumping your stomach and seeing your cock seems more of a giant leap rather than a small social step." Y/n smirked. Jack shook his head at her and pushed his hair out of his face.

"Plus I would say that we're even now. I mean you got to see me naked, it's only fair." Y/n reminded.

"I didn't see you completely naked, this feels a bit different." Jack turned over onto his back and watched Y/n pull her jeans back on. She paused like she was considering flashing him but decided against it instead.

"You'll have to work a little harder to see me completely naked sweetheart." She teased him making him cock his eyebrow.

"Only a little huh?" He questioned making her laugh.

"Well yeah, I have seen your cock now so I'd say I'd be easily suggestible." As humiliated as Jack was when he woke up, he couldn't help but feel an excited pang in his belly knowing that despite him having a complete drunken stupor, she still found him attractive.

"You've got a few missed texts and your friend Shanda called but you were drooling so I let her know you were okay and I was keeping an eye on you. She said something kicking your ass when she sees you next." Y/n held out his phone and Jack took her hand into his making her plop back down on the bed.

"Seriously, thank you. I'm so sorry you had to see me like that. You probably saved my life." Jack smiled weakly and she put her hand on his cheek softly. He leaned into the warmth of her hand.

"You're allowed to need people Jack. We're neighbors but we're also friends." Y/n reassured.

"We kind of have to be. We've seen each other naked." Jack joked earning a cheeky grin.

"Exactly!" She agreed dropping her hand from his face.

"I'm glad I have a friend so close by who knows how to handle all of this." Jack shook his pill bottle in his hand and she nodded.

"I'm glad to have a friend my age who can keep up with my wit." She stood from the bed and glanced at the clock.

"I've got to check on my mom. It's still fairly early, don't feel bad if you go back to sleep for a bit." Y/n waved at him and he nodded at her unsure of how to end this interaction without sounding like a weirdo.

"Get home safe." He cringed.

"Will do." He could hear her laugh as she descended the steps. Jack covered his face with his arms for a moment before shooting a text off to Shanda. His phone was barely still for 30 seconds before it was ringing.

"I'm never drinking again." He answered with his eyes closed.

"What the fuck! You didn't tell me you can't drink anymore you bitch. I wouldn't have partied so hard with you if I knew that." Shanda yelled.

"It's not that I can't drink, I just shouldn't drink with my medication." Jack clarified making Shanda growl.

"Yeah I told your hot neighbor to punch you in the throat for me." Jack smirked.

"How do you know she's hot?" He questioned. Shanda sent two text messages and he looked at them. One of them was a photo of himself passed out on her chest, actually cupping her tit ontop of the shirt and the other had her face in it giving and silly smile.

"She sent me a photo of you but I didn't know who she was so I made her take a photo in case you ended up murdered. She's fucking hot, you lucky bastard." Shanda explained. Jack shook his head at his friend and her investigative nature.

"I can't believe you made her take a photo of herself. I was groping her for Christ sake." Jack laughed.

"Yeah she seemed super upset about it. Is this the neighbor you mentioned?" Shanda asked.

"Yeah that's Y/N. She actually just left and told me to let you know I was alive but I do plan to pass out in about 12 seconds so-"

"Jack, she's cute has a great set of tits and likes you. Don't be a dick about it okay?" Shanda pressed.

"I'm hoping to not fuck it up. She did say some pretty flattering things about my cock though." Jack bragged.

"And on that note, this conversation is over. I draw the line at cock talk. Get some sleep and don't forget to take your meds." Shanda hung up and Jack drug himself out of bed to grab something to threw down his throat so his stomach wouldn't get wrecked by his medicine before laying back down. He cuddled up next to his pillows and could smell Y/n's hair from the night before along the top. He closed his eyes and let the smell of her lull him to sleep.

[airandangels]

woof have I had a long day, my whole family has.

Hannah and Barbara have for some time had a thing the correct name for which I have promptly forgotten. It's a subtype of squint in which, put simply, both eyes don't always point the same way at the same time. They have perfectly fine vision but it looks strange, a bit like Columbo. The medical advice was to do a small operation on the muscles around the eyes to correct it. We went through the public system for this and it took over a year to get a date for it, which I suppose is not bad in the circumstances, but yeah.

So I took the day off work to go and be a support person and general helper for my sister (my parents were along to help too, they're both retired), and we've spent most of the day waiting, first for the girls to be taken in for their surgery, one after the other, then for them to wake up after the anaesthetic and be sufficiently recovered to go home. When Hannah (who went in first) was waking up, my sister was still with Barbara getting her anaesthetised, so I had to go in and try to comfort her while she was absolutely miserable, spaced out from anaesthetic, not sure what day it was, unable to see to begin with, sore, in a strange place, and although I did my best to soothe I couldn't settle her down properly until her mum was able to come and join us.

The nurses (who were all kind, patient and efficient, we thanked them very much) kept trying to suggest a snack she might like now she was allowed food, and she didn't want an iceblock*, she didn't want ice cream, she doesn't like jelly**, all their sandwich options sounded terrible (egg, cheese and pickle, and corned beef - not even a plain ham) - finally, as a last resort, one of them suggested a biscuit and I was like YES she LOVES biscuits if I'd known BISCUITS were an option I would have asked for them at once. So she had a Milk Arrowroot and three Krispies and a drink of water and they had a mighty restorative effect.

Then we had to wait for absolute ever for Barbara to be finished, and when she was waking up in recovery my sister had to go to her while I waited in discharge with Hannah, and of course she was back at ground zero of how Hannah had felt but maybe worse because I think they had to give her more anaesthetic to knock her out, hence she was slower to wake. When we could finally go home Hannah was actually relatively perky and calm (she could open her eyes properly now and see, although with some double vision) but Barbara was still miserable. It all took hours longer than I'd expected because of that waking up stage.

Now we're all home and they're absolutely exhausted so there have been several emotional outbursts and gosh I can't wait for them to go to sleep, it's what they need and will be a relief for us all.

* Popsicle to Americans

** Jell-O, likewise

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 24 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3754 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

“Please, Nore. Stay with me,” he pleaded, and I knew he wasn't just talking about that night. Our eyes locked, my heart racing in a completely new way. I'd never felt this way around him before. It used to be so easy, just being with him, talking to him, laughing together. Now, it just felt like all that closeness was no longer enough. I couldn't stand this.

✦ summary: Nore realizes that her own feelings for James are deeper than she had ever allowed herself to imagine.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, jealousy, love triangle, drinking, smoking

✦ a/n: I'm really glad I managed to write a lot of Heartbreaker during my Christmas break and I'm feeling really inspired to write more! Feedbacks are really welcome and motivate me a lot 🖤 Happy 2024 everyone! Hope you liked this part and see you soon :D

✧ If he's as bad as they say, then I guess I'm cursed / Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt / He's already hurt / I said, "don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi" / Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat / I just wanna dance with you ✧

James and I crossed paths again a few days later, right in the middle of a Wednesday morning. I was knee-deep in organizing the fresh vinyl records that just landed in the store when I caught the sound of someone strolling in. Knowing Pat was holding down the fort at the counter, I figured she'd take care of the customer, no big deal.

So, with my hands full of empty record boxes, I swung back to the front, only to get hit with the surprise of the day: there was James, rocking his old leather jacket and a worn-out denim vest, his blonde locks falling over his shoulders.

At first, he didn't even notice me, just casually chatting with Pat. She was all smiles, an open magazine forgotten in her lap, elbows on the counter, chuckling at whatever he was saying. The sight stirred up an uneasy feeling in my chest; for a moment, I couldn't help but reminisce about how James had hardly looked into my eyes when we first met, how it took us a bit to get close. Now, here he was, flashing a confident grin at a girl he'd only met a few days back, almost as if he were a completely different person.

"Hey, Nore!" Pat beamed when she spotted me, yanking me back from my thoughts. James swung around, a grin lighting up his face. "Look who's here."

"Hi, James." I tossed a greeting his way while depositing the empty boxes in a corner behind the counter. Standing up, I faced him, smiling, and swiped my hair away from my face. "What brings you here? Thought you guys had already hightailed it back to San Francisco."

"Oh, Cliff and Kirk took off already. Lars and I hung around to sort out a few things," he explained, then turned to Pat. "Mind if I borrow your friend for a bit?"

"Only if you pinky swear we'll catch up again soon." She grinned, and he winked, a hint of shyness coloring his cheeks with a faint blush before he strolled away. I sighed and trailed after him outside the store.

"So, spill the beans," I asked, leaning against the wall and fishing my pack of cigarettes from my pocket. I brought one to my mouth, hunting for my lighter, but James beat me to it; he pulled out a lighter from his jacket, firing it up. I leaned in, getting my cigarette lit before stepping back and locking eyes with him again. "You've been in LA since the weekend and didn't even shoot me a call? And what's the deal with Pat catching up again with you, huh?"

"I told you, band business to sort out," he replied, his face still a bit flushed. "We snagged an extra show, just in case you still care. I swung by to drop off tickets for you two, it's happening this Saturday."

"I never said I could make it," I raised an eyebrow, and he huffed.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Are you on your period or something?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe I'd be a bit more chill if you'd answer my questions instead of pretending you're deaf."

"What question did I dodge?"

"About Pat," I finally blurted out, my face warming, regret hitting me as soon as the words left my mouth. James blinked, looking a bit surprised, and I sighed. I was being dumb, I thought. It's not like he owed me an explanation about what he did with his life.

"We hung out on Monday for drinks. She asked me out after last week's show. That's all," James finally spilled, his tone calmer and gentler than I expected. I raised my eyes, meeting his gaze, the sudden intensity in his eyes making my mouth go dry. "Wasn't anything special anyway."

"I don't care," I shot back, suddenly feeling defensive again. He gave me a puzzled look.

"Then why'd you bother asking?"

"Come on, James, just hand over the tickets already."

"Alright, alright," he grunted, pulling two envelopes from his pocket and passing them my way. I tore open one of the envelopes, peeking inside to find the show ticket and that familiar backstage access badge.

"Nore," he called, and I looked up, blushing a bit as I realized he had inched closer, his hand casually resting on the wall beside me. "You don't have to invite her if you don't want to. It can just be you. You know that, right?"

"You said you needed an audience. Can't exactly bring Dave, can I?" I quipped. The mention of Dave seemed to rattle James; he tensed up, pulling away from me and avoiding eye contact with a sigh. I blinked, puzzled by his reaction, my heart racing as I waited for him to say something, anything, but he remained silent. "James..."

"See you on Saturday, alright?" he cut me off, staring at me with a furrowed brow. I just nodded, still too baffled by our weird exchange to spit anything out. He then strolled away, leaving me alone and on edge, my hand squeezing the envelope he'd brought as I watched him retreat, his tense shoulders carrying the weight of the unspoken words between us.

The night air was cool, almost chilly, signaling the approaching winter. I sighed, trying to focus my gaze — a bit of a challenge after downing as many free beers as I could at the show. I touched my nose with my fingertips; it was cold, just like my cheeks. Maybe I should've brought my jacket, but I knew once we hit the post-show party, my cold would fade amidst the drinks and the buzz of the celebration.

A cozy warmth enveloped me as a leather jacket landed on my shoulders. Lifting my eyes, I met the familiar blue of James' eyes. He gave me a smile, almost like an apology, before saying, "You looked cold."

"Just a bit. Have you finished loading all the stuff?"

He nodded absentmindedly. I glanced around, checking the stage to make sure the band hadn't left anything behind — even picks or a cable would cost money to replace if lost. The venue felt almost eerie, all empty after the crowd had cleared out. I grinned when Cliff showed up, emerging from backstage.

"Hey, ready to roll?" he asked. "We've got to drop stuff off at Mike's place first, then catch up with Kirk and Lars at... What's her name again?"

"Pat," I reminded him.

Pat couldn't make it to the show that night because she was gearing up for a weekend party while her dad was out of town. But she made me swear that I'd bring the band after the gig. I knew deep down she was all about getting James to swing by — ever since he popped up at the record store, she couldn't shut up about him. Lars and Kirk were already en route, but James, Cliff, and I hung back to handle the logistics before wrapping up the night.

"Let's roll, then," Cliff said, and James and I followed him to the parking lot. We ran into a small group of fans, around five people who had decided to wait for the band's exit. James seemed a bit more introverted that night, so he and I leaned against Cliff's car while my cousin chatted with the guys.

"You know, I'm not really feeling the whole party thing tonight," James chimed in, his gaze wandering as Cliff signed a Kill 'Em All booklet. He shot me a look from the corner of his eye, a faint smile playing on his lips. "We could ditch. Do something more interesting."

"More interesting? Like what?" I laughed, shaking my head. At that moment, we were both a bit buzzed, the beer helping us forget the tensions of the past few days. Words flowed easier, and smiles came more naturally. It had been a killer show, with a hyped-up audience and a chill vibe among the guys, adding to James' good mood. He raised an eyebrow, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

"You know, I've always wanted to check out the strip clubs here in LA…"

"James!" I laughed, and he joined in, slinging an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

That move, once so natural, got my heart racing, and my face suddenly heated up at the closeness. His jacket wrapped around me carried his scent, and his rough fingers lingered on my waist for a beat. If I were a bit more sober, maybe anxiety would make me want to pull away. However, in that moment, I allowed myself to be just a bit close to him. We were friends, after all, right?

"Come on, you two," Cliff grumbled before popping open the car door and settling into the driver's seat.

"I'm calling shotgun!" I rushed, swinging open the front passenger door. I let out a surprised yelp when James grabbed my wrist.

"You always do that. Tonight’s my turn," he said, his eyes sparkling, clearly just doing it to mess with me. I furrowed my brow.

"Hey, Cliff's my cousin! I have a right to the front seat, okay? Besides, you always shove the seat way back because of those massive legs of yours."

"You could sit on my lap. Then we could both be up front," he suggested with a smirk, and I rolled my eyes, my face warming.

"Dream on, Hetfield," I grumbled, giving him a playful shove. He laughed but settled into the back while I claimed the seat next to Cliff.

We cruised by Mike's house, where the guys were crashing in Los Angeles. Then, we made our way to Pat's place. I'd been there a couple of times before — a cute two-story wooden house, painted white with a backyard big enough to host a decent-sized crowd. When we rolled up, it was clear that this wasn't just a "few people" gathering: the joint was packed, with muted music wafting from the living room as folks shuffled around with smokes and red cups.

"Your friend knows how to throw a party, huh?" Cliff remarked, a cigarette dangling between his teeth.

"Hey, I bet Lars and Kirk are already super wasted," James exclaimed, chuckling softly, his slightly flushed face giving away that he, too, wasn't entirely sober.

"I wonder if Lars has already pulled a 'no clothes' move like that one time," I said with a giggle. Cliff rolled his eyes.

"You two aren't doing much better, you dorks."

"Shut up, Cliff." I stuck my tongue out at him, and James laughed before adding:

"Hey, last one in is a loser!" He sprinted toward the entrance of Pat's house, and I let out an indignant yelp before chasing after him. I could hear Cliff grumbling something about "drunk idiots" behind me, but he didn't run — it would take much more than a beer-fueled challenge to disrupt Cliff's own pace.

James beat me there, no surprise. He spun around, mischief in his eyes, and opened his arms just in time to halt my collision course. The beer I'd been nursing all night made it tricky to put the brakes on my run. I let out a surprised yelp as he caught me in his arms, a low laugh escaping him. I joined in, trying to catch my breath.

"See, that's why I don't smoke as much as you do. Can't even handle a little run," he teased, laughing, and I rolled my eyes.

We untangled, still chuckling as we trailed after Cliff into Pat's house. I scanned the crowd, looking for familiar faces, a grin stuck on my face as I tried to catch my breath, my heartbeat still racing in my chest.

It didn't take us long to spot someone familiar; soon enough, I spotted Pat, chilling by the record player with a beer, deep in conversation with two girls who could practically be twins. She briefly glanced towards the entrance but didn't seem to notice me. Her eyes lit up, and she hustled over.

"James! So stoked you made it," she exclaimed, grabbing onto one of his arms. He raised his eyebrows, looking surprised. My face suddenly heated up, and all the good vibes I had been riding on disappeared. Pat's entrance seemed to pop the bubble of fun and ease that had been with us all night. Now, the old anxiety and discomfort were sneaking back into my chest, even though I couldn't quite figure out why. "I want you to meet Josie and Mary; they're my cousins."

"Uh, let me just..." he started, his eyes glancing nervously toward me. I noticed Cliff observing the whole thing, raising an eyebrow with a barely hidden ironic look on his face. James's eyes met mine briefly before I sighed and turned, navigating through the crowd until I hit the kitchen. There, I found Kirk and Lars, talking and laughing quietly while sharing a bottle of whiskey.

"Hey, Nore!" Lars exclaimed with excitement when he spotted me. "You finally made it! Where are Cliff and James?"

"Somewhere," I dodged, leaning against the kitchen counter near them and nodding towards the whiskey bottle. "Where'd you guys snag this?"

"Oh, your friend's dad has an awesome stash of booze in the living room cabinet. She said we couldn't touch it, but..." Lars trailed off, and Kirk chuckled. "It was too tempting to resist, so we swiped this when she got distracted."

"Man, you guys are jerks. Hook me up?" I asked. Kirk turned with a grin.

"Wait, you're not gonna scold us and tell us to put it back?"

"Why would I do that? Come on, give me a bit." I grabbed the bottle from Lars, taking a hefty swig that set my throat on fire and brought tears to my eyes. Lars let out an enthusiastic "that's the spirit!" making me laugh quietly. I risked a second sip before passing the bottle back to Kirk.

We killed that whiskey bottle until it was history. Staring at the empty thing weirdly satisfied me, even though I knew I'd pay for it with a head that felt like it had its own little earthquake, signaling a solid hangover for tomorrow. I left Kirk and Lars talking and made my way to the backyard, surprisingly empty. The cool night air did wonders to ease the heat that had claimed my skin. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and savored the fresh air, a welcome escape from the packed and stuffy vibes inside.

"Found you," James' familiar voice chimed in. I opened my eyes and spotted him, leaning against the open door that led to the kitchen. His gaze seemed worried, irritating me a bit, even though I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

"Found indeed. Congratulations," I quipped, aiming for humor but sounding more bitter than intended. My words stumbled out, tangled in the effects of the alcohol. He frowned, looking hurt by my words, which made my heart squeeze. I let out a sigh as he approached.

"You’re confusing me," he murmured, the words sounding almost unsure, like he was tiptoeing on shaky ground, unsure of what might happen if he said too much.

My face warmed up, heart skipping a beat and a hollow feeling settling in my stomach. There it was again: that awkwardness, foreign and sharp, like a dagger poking into my guts. Months before, none of this would've happened between us. Months before, I would never feel anxious or insecure around him. I would never have a million butterflies fluttering in my stomach when his troubled gaze sought mine. All I wanted was to give him a hug, take away whatever was bothering him. But it felt like I couldn't take that step. Like anything I did would just mess up whatever was left between us.

"I don't want to confuse you," I managed to murmur, my voice trembling a bit. He sighed, ran a hand through his blond hair, getting even closer.

"When that shit went down at Leanne's party, I... I figured you were done with me. Thought you didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Like, didn't even want to be friends. I thought I'd crossed a line I shouldn't have. And yet..." He paused, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers. "I don't regret it, Nore."

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, my heart racing, my voice barely more than a whisper. He let out a low, almost embarrassed laugh, then brought the tips of his fingers to my chin, lifting it so our gazes met.

"When you told Pat to come talk to me, I thought you didn't care. But now, every time you see me with her, you get upset. You think I don't notice?"

"I don't get upset," I shot back, my face on fire. Sure, sometimes I felt a bit weird with Pat around, but that didn't mean anything, right? Nothing special about envying how confidently she could approach James, nothing special about not liking how, even though he seemed clearly confused by her interest, he wasn't exactly putting up much of a fight. Nothing special about not liking how they'd gone out together without telling me. How they seemed to be getting closer every day.

"Nore," James called my name, snapping me out of my momentary daze. I lifted my eyes, my lips parting a bit, my face flushed as he got even closer, resting his hands on the balcony railing around me. "If you don't want me to go out with her, you can tell me. You can always tell me whatever you want. I'd never do anything to upset you."

"Why?" I murmured, and he sighed, the agony creeping back into his eyes like nasty poison.

"Because I'm in..." he started, then halted, biting his lip and looking away. I looked away too, my breath going out of rhythm, my face burning under the weight of his unfinished confession. I knew if he finished that sentence, there would be no going back. No more avoiding the whirlwind of feelings that had been growing in my chest, ignored for so long, becoming more and more impossible to shove aside.

I knew it then, with a heart-wrenching certainty: if he said he loved me, right there, right then, I'd be caught, unable to deny that I felt the same.

"I gotta go," I said, giving him a gentle push by placing my hand on his chest. But he snagged my hand, fingers weaving into mine, putting the brakes on my escape.

“Please, Nore. Stay with me,” he pleaded, and I knew he wasn't just talking about that night. Our eyes locked, my heart racing in a completely new way. I'd never felt this way around him before. It used to be so easy, just being with him, talking to him, laughing together. Now, it just felt like all that closeness was no longer enough.

I couldn't stand this.

I let out a shaky sigh as he traced the outline of my lower lip with his thumb, edging even closer, holding my face in his hand. His other hand found its place on my waist, and I felt my back meet the wall behind me as he closed the gap. Forehead pressed against mine, his gaze focused and serious. My thoughts raced as fast as my heart, trying to focus, wrestling against my intoxication. This ain't right, I thought, but I didn't have the guts to shove him away.

We jumped apart when the kitchen door swung open, and Lars and Kirk rolled out.  James let out a disappointed sigh as I fumbled clumsily for my cigarettes, trying to hide the redness in my cheeks as they approached.

"There you are!" Lars said with a grin, then glanced at James. "Your girl's on the hunt for you, dude."

"We were just..." James cleared his throat, his face a bit flushed as he ruffled his blond hair. "We were just catching a smoke. And she's not my girl, Lars."

"Actually, I'm outta here," I chimed in, trying to ignore the disappointed look on James's face. "Can you tell Cliff I’m bailing? I'll dial up a taxi."

"What, already?" Lars asked, his words a bit slurred from the booze. Kirk shot a quick look between me and James, his eyebrows rising in curiosity.

"Yeah, I... I'm not feeling great. But it's nothing major; just need some sleep."

"At least let me take you home," James suggested. I glanced at him, my heart picking up speed, a sudden frustration bubbling up. This wasn't right. He was my friend. Things between us were supposed to be easy, and he was messing it all up!

"No need. Go back to your girl; she's waiting for you," I shot back, my tone sharper than I meant. He looked at me, eyes hurt like I'd just shoved a knife deep into his chest.

"Fine, whatever," he grumbled and headed back inside the house.

"Not in a good mood today, huh?" Lars remarked, raising an eyebrow. I huffed.

"Everything cool, Nore?" Kirk asked, giving me a knowing look.

"I'm cool. Just need to bounce, guys, really," I said defensively.

Turned out, no taxi was needed; Cliff offered me a ride the moment he heard I wasn't feeling too well. I sat quietly in the passenger seat, the good vibes from the start of the night totally evaporated as I watched the streets of LA zoom by the window.

"So, regretting it already?" Cliff dropped out of nowhere. I shot him a look, furrowing my brow.

"Cliff, what..."

"You know exactly what I mean, Nore," he cut me off, and I rolled my eyes.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Cliff didn't push for small talk, and I wasn't feeling chatty either. Honestly, I was more confused than I'd been since leaving my parents' place. I tried convincing myself that things could stay the same with James. We could brush off the kiss, chalk it up to booze and longing, just some unfortunate incident. Nothing altered. He and I would stay tight, and nothing would faze us.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

At some point since he had kissed me, things had changed. Or maybe I just couldn't ignore something that had been there for a long time.

That James loved me.

And that I couldn't say I didn't feel the same.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e / chapter thirty five

Isaiah

I sat beside Bonnie on a deep red leather sofa in Tommy's office. The younger lad didn't exactly look uncomfortable to be here but I could tell he wasn't so used to long afternoons of knitted brows and Arthur Shelby's fucking pacing. I wondered if he knew the extent to which the trouble Tommy had called us in to discuss really stretched. The roots to which the rot had already penetrated.

When he'd first called everyone in for a debrief the office had been packed. Everyone had answered his middle of the night call to arms, his brothers and his right hand men, the travellers who had arrived in a steady flow throughout the night until there were caravans and trucks littering the lane like a steady flowing river all the way up the road to arrow house. Everyone had stacked into the office to listen to him. The bringer of bad news. He'd talked of the vendetta, the war about to waged not only upon his family but any family honest enough to honour their bond with the Shelby's.

I'd stood behind my father in his chair and listened to grave retelling of the hit on Arthur and John. I'd seen the photographs taken of Michael in his barely alive condition. I'd swallowed a lump when Polly had teared up, when she'd had to lean on Arthur to hold herself up straight. I'd stood by and listened as Tommy doled out orders to each and every man. No one left unaccounted for. No one without a role to play. I'd nodded to my father when Tommy had patted him on the shoulder, shown him the sign of the cross and sent him away. I'd watched everyone else leave until only myself and Bonnie Gold remained.

"Sit down lads," said Tommy, "make yourselves at home it's gonna be a long night." He'd met my gaze with a quiet look of confirmation, as if to tell me 'I know what you're thinking and you're right.'

I knew what was coming next. Knew enough about the wayward Fens who had all but abandoned the family and rejected the name Shelby. All but forgotten their darker roots. The Fens who went by the name Gray these days and who spent their lives wrapped up in luxury, all grace and class.

I'd known then just what it was he had in mind for us. Not Bonnie though, he was sitting there, quite comfortably, one arm outstretched along the back of the sofa, taking in his surroundings with that quiet smirk he so often seemed to wear. We'd always gotten along, me and Bonnie, but I'd always known we were cut from a completely different cloth. "As you know I'm bringing the whole family in until I've deciphered exactly what and who is threatening us, the Changrettas and Z

Sabinis have declared war on me and my blood and until we know exactly how to fight it i want everyone who may be at risk right where I can see them... Now, Arthur's gone to fetch Ada and the kid back up from London, and when she gets here I'm sure she'll give me hell for dragging her back, but I'm not really worried about Ada. She's a sensible lass and she knows the risks that come with the Shelby name, she's seen enough shit to take all this seriously and she won't want any harm to come to little Karl so I expect that once she's said her piece she'll toe the line..." When he paused he took a sip of whiskey and he smirked.

"But, the same cannot be said for my other little sisters.." He sighed and I couldn't help but chuckle as he poured a glass for me and one for Bonnie.

"Why do I get the feeling whatever you're about to ask us is gonna require more than a sip of whiskey Mr Shelby..." Smirked Bonnie, his cheeky smile not quite matching up to the grey trouble in his eyes. He wasn't naive.

"Drink up soldier." I said with a dry smirk which did little to ease the tension rising in the room.

The Fens didn't have a lot to do with their brothers or the family in general, I'd grown up in the bossom of the Shelby's, half raised by Aunt Polly myself and still only seen those girls a handful of times. The last of those times being when little Sonya and Sylvia Shelby were 11 years old in ballet frocks, still small enough that they could sit one on each of John's hips, their hair in little french plaits, still so similar you couldn't tell who was who.

I'd seen them since of course, it wasn't as if they'd been forgotten about by their family and their Aunt Pol was so proud of them that whenever a new video, a new photograph emerged online of them on the stage she'd make sure everyone saw it at least ten times. They cropped up in the Rags often enough too, the primadonnas with mafia ties, dainty little socialites with all their sophisticated talents, whose money came from drugs, murder and all kinds of corruption. If one of us ever made an appearance in court, if one of us ever got caught up in another violent clash, if we were photographed leaving a notorious club in the wrong end of town, you could almost guarantee that some lowlife pap had done their best to get a photo of the delicate ballerinas in distress somewhere outside their school or the theatres.

As they'd gotten older they'd done their best to distance yourself, but how far can you ever really get from the Shelby shadow. And they were, after all, their brothers sisters. As children they'd been tearaways and if there was one thing I'd learned knowing Ada as well as I did, it was that the wildness is never quite tamed. The Shelby curse never skips a generation.

No, I might not have known them so well, but I knew enough to know that Bonnie was right. If Tommy was about to ask us to guard his little sister's, I was gonna need more than a swig of whiskey to temper me through the trouble they would cause.

"Isaiah, you'll remember the Fens," said Tommy, "so I'm sure you can answer our lads questions eh?" He was smirking and I could tell he was holding back not for my sake but for Bonnie's. "No," he said then, cracking a wider grin, "no, Sonya's quite tame, emotional but tame," he said but the look in his eyes told us both he wasn't finished. "To be quite candid with you boys I haven't spoken to my little sisters for a long time, and perhaps I don't know them quite as well as I would like to now but, they made it very clear a long time ago that that was the way it was to be. They won't want to come home, in fact I should imagine this house is the last place they'd think to call home these days, sorry as that seems," I knew he'd added that for Bonnie's benefit, because Bonnie's family were tight, because he'd been raised much like Tommy, to value family above all else. "But circumstances have changed and so home they must come... And when they get here they're under your care, I want you to stick to them like glue, never a second out of your sight. It's like I said, I don't know them half as well as I should and so, I can't trust them half as much as I would like... I don't know that they'll listen to us or believe us when we tell them of the threats hanging over their heads, we've always done our best to keep them out of the family business and so, as much as I'm sure they'd like to believe they understand what we do, they don't. They don't know anything, don't understand the dangers... They're far more vulnerable than I'd like to believe, a mistake of my own making I'm sure, and I'm not gonna be around all the time to keep them safe. Can't guarantee my brother's will be here either. That's why I need you two to keep and eye on them... More than that I need you to look after them like you would your own sisters."

"Course Tommy," I said, nodding, saving my words because the gravity of the situation was looming and I could see the devotion in his eyes. There was a fear there he didn't often show, a grave shadow in his eyes.

"I know they haven't been around for a long time, don't even call themselves Shelby anymore, but theyre still family and they're fucking precious, so you keep them safe... No matter what happens that's you're priority from here on out, don't give a fuck what you have to risk for them, don't give a fuck if you put your own life on the line... Those girls come first alright?"

"Understood Mr Shelby." Nodded Bonnie, a grave look in his own eyes now as he watched the floor, slight downward turn of his head, thoughtful. We looked the same then, with our caps shadowing our eyes. The two of us taking it in, bearing the weight cast upon our shoulders.

"Now there's another matter too, should the worst happen..."

"Ain't gonna happen Tom..." I started, teeth gritted because I recognised the doom in his voice.

"Should the worst happen..." He reiterated, "and we lose this war, if someone gets a hit on me or any of my brothers, if you can see the dominoes begin to fall..."

Bonnie had had his hand in his pocket until now but as Tommy's tone took a darker tone his hand wandered and his fingers stroked his chin and then the back of his neck. He had a faraway look in his eyes and I wondered what depressive imagery was shadowing his mind in that moment. Forced myself not to think about it, knew I couldn't afford to let those kinds of thoughts in.

"If me and my brothers fall I want you to get those girls as far away from here as you can... You make sure they live and you keep your duty to this family, to me, for as long as they live..." If I'd had any doubt in my mind about Tommy's ability to survive anything then it would have been an unreasonable request. But I didn't. So I didn't pay it any mind. Just nodded my head and swore on my life without a second thought. Telling myself it wouldn't matter anyway. Because the war wouldn't last more than a week or two. Because we would come out on top the way we always did.

"It won't come to it Tommy," I said, "but you have my word."

"And mine," said Bonnie a moment later before he rested his chin in the L of his thumbs, hands pressed palm to palm as if in prayer. And perhaps that's what he was doing. I knew I had the urge to return to my father's church and kneel at the alter in that moment. Ask someone to watch over us. Because Tommy hadn't told us the half of it and I knew it. The love which ran deep for those girls. He probably never would express the true extent of the depth to which he cherished them, vulnerable as that would make him. But I knew it because I'd heard the stories and I saw the truth of them now in his eyes when he spoke of them. How the twins had been with their mother the morning she'd passed. How they'd been the last to see her living. How they'd been carried home by their Uncle Charlie, too young to understand what they'd seen. How the brothers would never say it, but always saw their mother in them. As if they were the last connection to her, as if they carried her weathered wild soul with them now. I knew that when Tommy told us we were to die for them if we had to, he was telling us he would die for them too. Knew that if he could he would in a heartbeat. I looked to my left, to Bonnie with his troubled water expression and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he gazed, taciturn, at the legs of Tommy's desk. I wondered how much of those stories he had heard over the years. Wondered whether he knew the weight he now carried on his back. "Now, Bonnie, I've decided you're to take care of Sonya and Isaiah you'll have Sylvia... I don't expect they'll be particularly charmed by this arrangement, but you're canny lads... I'm sure you'll manage.."

And for a moment I'd thought he was finished. He said goodnight to Bonnie, gave him one final piece of advice - told him the girls had forgotten their gypsy roots, told him it might do Sonya good to remember - and then he'd sent him on his way. Told him to rest up, he'd need it.

I'd expected him to say the same to me but he didn't. Instead he had kept me behind a little longer. "Forgive me for sparing the lad the gory details," he nodded to the door Bonnie had just left through, "but I didn't think it'd do any good to worry him... You however, you already know the twins..."

"Hardly Tommy, last time I saw em they were this tall..." I said with a smirk, trying to chuckle though it was hard to conjor amusement.

"So just as well as the rest of us then," he smirked along, "all the same Isaiah, there's rumours going round London about our girls and I don't yet know the truth of em, however the Fens have their mother in their blood so I wouldn't be surprised to learn there's some truth in them..."

"Can't be that bad surely, what trouble can you cause at ballet school eh?" I wasn't sure I should be joking but my uneasy grin was the best I could manage in that moment when I didn't know the severity of their situation.

"I'd hate to think we underestimate them."

"So, lay it on me then, I'll brace myself..."

"Rumours going round that my baby sister Sonya's been in bed with the enemy..." I couldn't hide the surprise from my eyes then, looking back at him with raised brows, trying not to wear my nervous smirk.

"Sonya?" I asked, "fuckin an Italian?" "Freddie Sabini to be exact..." Said Tommy, sucking his cheek in before pouring another drink. "Theres talk of Sylvia getting herself into trouble too, but those rumours are far more vague..." It was the way he shook his head that concerned me, the memory of the girl I'd once known that left a bad taste in my mouth.

The way I remembered them Sylvia had always been the softer girl, a little quieter, a little more pensive, wild like a Shelby with the woodlands in her soul for certain, but frail. Sonya had always been more starlet, more optimistic. There'd always been something melancholy about her sister.

"Our men in London tell me she looks sick, tell me she spends all hours of the night out in Solomons' territory. Course she's safe there, but I don't like the thought of it..."

"Naturally." I swallowed, tried to imagine what those men might mean when they said "sick." "What kind of sick Tommy?" I asked though I'd seen her on Instagram and I already knew the answer.

"Thin," he shrugged, "a real cliche of her genre I suppose."

"And she's spending her nights in Camden Town?" I had a feeling I knew what that meant too. "Could be drugs," said Tommy, "not that I think Alfie's stupid enough to sell to her... She was always a canny lass, sure she could exploit a weakness or two to get what she wants..."

"Think so?" I asked swallowing another gulp of whiskey, letting it warm and burn, trying to remain still and composed despite the thought of the girl I'd always had a soft spot for succumbing to the same darkness which took her mother all those years ago.

"I'd like to hope not but you know me..." "Aye," I nodded, "I know you Tommy." I said before standing up, placing my empty glass on the desk in front of him. "I'll look after Tommy, keep her safe... Didn't need to ask me, I'd have died for those girls in a heartbeat anyway."

"Aye," he nodded, "you're a good lad Isaiah."

She looked ever so tired then as she drifted down the hallway ahead of me. All day Sylvie had me treading eggshells, her volatile streak sharper than I'd expected. She was more wild now than I could ever remember her having been before. When she was much younger, though she still looked too young now. In fact just then as she slipped past Alfie carrying her ballet slippers strung from her feeble wrist, she looked painfully young. Too young to have pulled off any of the stunts she had.

Seeing her like that only sparked my loathing for the man who stood before me all the more. Seeing her appear suddenly paled and vulnerable. Suddenly frail where she hadn't been even just five minutes before.

When she was dancing she was ethereal, some unearthly creature, her beauty uncanny as she spun slowly on the spot, tiny body contorted in ways she didn't really look strong enough to hold. But she must have been, because she had held that dainty pose with such grace. Until he'd scared her and sent her tumbling to the floor, her caving in beautiful despite the fear which shot through me at seeing her waver and fall.

So when I fixed Alfie with that cold, unforgiving glare I meant the threat with which I spoke. Wanted him to know how much I hated him in that moment.

I'd have taken his eyes just for looking at her, the smirk on his lips as he watched her drift down the hallway enough to make me consider killing him there and then.

"You wanna look after her mate..." He said nodding to her flickering shadow as she disappeared round the corner, "looks exhausted if you ask me..."

I narrowed my eyes at him, shook my head with a bitter smirk.

"Fuck off." I said before turning away, following Sylvia back to our room with my hands I'm my pockets and my shirt slung over my shoulder.

I heard his chuckle echo down the hall, knew I was supposed to feel like it was following me. Knew it was supposed to haunt me, send a little shiver down my spine. But I wasn't scared of Alfie Solomons. Not when I knew we were playing the same game for the same side. Alfie wouldn't harm a hair on Sylvia's head, wouldn't harm me as long as I was there to protect her. He wasn't half as insane as he wanted people to believe, he wouldn't start a war he couldn't win. Not if he didn't need to. And not over a teenage ballerina.

When I opened the bedroom door I saw her already lying on the bed, eyes fluttered shut. She'd changed into a black t-shirt and a pair of woollen socks which had slid down her shins and bunched up around her ankles. She wasn't sleeping but when I closed the door behind me and crossed the room to sit in the chair by the door she didn't stir.

She looked peaceful but I knew it wasn't peace which held her so still now. She was tired. To the bone tired. Lying on her front, the t-shirt which covered her hardly covering her at all. She'd not bothered to pull the covers over her and I could see the goosebumps on her thighs.

I remained quiet, lent into the back of the chair to try and get comfortable. Rested my arms on the arms and tilted my head back against the wall. Closed my eyes for a moment but only as long as that. Opened them again when I changed my mind, decided I couldn't take my eyes off her just yet.

So I stole another glance at her soft silhouette, admired the way her edges seemed to fade into the sheets, the way the lamplight glowed on her skin.

And then she stirred, pushed herself up slowly, lethargically turning her head to look back at me from across the room.

"What?" I asked with a smirk when her sleepy eyes locked with mine, she looked so expectant, a little confused. For a moment I couldn't work out why.

"I thought you were tired?" She frowned.

"I'm fine," I shrugged though it was obviously a lie. I was exhausted. Not so much physically - though my muscles ached and my head was undeniably heavy - but emotionally, mentally. She'd put me through the fucking wringer over the last 24 hours and I felt absolutely wired. Head static electric buzzing in a way I knew meant that even if I did shut my eyes and try to sleep, I wouldn't get any rest.

I'd been hoping to burn some of that adrenaline off in the gym earlier but any pent up frustration I'd managed to unleash had quickly been worked up all over again by her. The sight of her teetering so delicately, the realisation of her fragility when Solomons had knocked her balance, fucking Solomons himself and his relentless little jabs. It was taking all my self control not to leather him, to let his comments wash over me, water off a ducks back. Not that I was letting them wash over me. I'd never been very good at letting things go, always a little too quick to rise to a fight, always holding grudges and resentments. And my resentment for Alfie was building by the second. I was holding myself together for Sylvie's sake. Doing as I knew Tommy would tell me - staying calm, rising above the old man's petty jabs - because if I didn't it would be Tommy I had to answer to when shit hit the fan.

If I lost my temper and Sylvia suffered for it, there'd be no forgiveness spared for me.

"I'm fine," I said again when she fixed me with a smirk. "I'm watching the door."

"Bullshit." She coughed, the tinkle of laughter in her voice catching me out.

"Doin my job sweetheart..." I said gritting my teeth, trying not to let her wind me up. It was difficult, she really had a way of winding me up.

"You're falling asleep." She said, her voice deadpan as she let herself fall back down against the pillow, her voice a little muffled by the sheets when she called out to me. "Come on Saiah, share the bed, don't be a pussy..."

Her tone was mischievous, and the sweet sleepy way she had looked at me from the pillow made it so hard to remain frustrated with her. Even when I could tell she was trying to push my buttons.

"Not gonna be much of a bodyguard if you don't get some sleep," she said then, her voice a soft sigh as she yawned and nestled into the bed a little more. I heard the shifting of cotton over cotton and when I opened my eyes and looked back at her I saw that she'd rolled over. That her t-shirt had ridden up and gathered at her hip. That she was looking straight at me with dusky glowing eyes, her dark curls slipped from behind her ear. Her cheek was resting on her hand and her body looked lazy and soft.

I wasn't exactly sure how much sleep I was going to get either way. Lying beside her or watching over her from the armchair in the corner of the room.

It wasn't her teasing however that made me give in to her. It was something else. Something fleeting, something I only really thought I saw. A flicker of doubt in her eyes. A flicker of trouble which reminded me of the Sylvia I knew when she was young, when she was little Fen Shelby running riot through small heath with her sister. When she'd been the twin who shied away, the twin who hesitated. The twin who often looked to me with worried brown eyes when her older brothers would lower their voices and suddenly start speaking in lower tones.

For a moment she looked scared.

Scared and young and so very very tired.

She looked like she needed me to give in, lie down beside her, yawn and drift off like drifting off was easy. So she could kid herself that drifting off was easy.

So I did just that. I stood with a sigh and i gave in.

I crossed the room quietly and kicked my shoes off, sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled my t-shirt off. And when I twisted to reach over her for the duvet I met her gaze again and saw that the Sylvia I knew had gone again. That all her doubt had disappeared, been replaced with that cold smirk, a different kind of trouble glowing in her eyes.

"Don't worry," she said, "I won't tell Tommy..."

And because we were suddenly in such close proximity, and because I was tired and my head was absolutely wired, those words were enough to throw me for a second. Enough to leave me frozen, looking down at her with a small frown on my brow. Enough to remind me how quietly surprised I'd been the morning she'd sat down in the garden, her cheeks angry and flushed. How even with the vitriol in her voice when she'd snapped at me, her prettiness had struck me. How I'd seen her then in a light I'd never seen her before. How I'd been reminded that whilst I'd grown up she had too. Wasn't just Tommy's little sister anymore. Was her own woman, somehow all the more defiant than she ever had been before. We'd always called her Trouble when she was a little girl, because both the twins had been just that. But now she was something more. Trouble in its most tantalising form, a trouble that was irresistible and infuriating in equal measure.

And she was lying there on her back, looking up at me with silent laughter in her eyes. Teasing me.

By the time my brain caught up with the rest of us she was already smirking at me. My silence more amusing to her than anything I could say.

"Why not love? He's already gonna kill me..." I said, propped up on my elbow, watching as she rolled her eyes and told me not to be so dramatic.

"I'm still alive aren't I?" She said nonchalantly, rolling over and nestling into the pillow, drifting off within seconds. Leaving me to fall down beside her, to try not to think about how close to her I was. To try not to dwell too much on our conversation. The murderous thoughts her brother almost definitely held me in for getting her this far.

Because as much as I believed by now that Sylvia would have torn away without me and probably could have gotten this far by herself, I couldn't deny that I'd helped. I'd killed a man for her, stolen a car for her, walked her right into Solomons office and stood by whilst he threatened us both. I'd already made a hundred decisions Tommy would have crucified me for. And whatever happened to us now, it was my fault. In Tommy's eyes his little sister's fate was entirely in my hands.

And as much as she put the fear of god in me with her unpredictable temper, that burning indignant streak, I knew she wasn't like us. Knew she hadn't been raised amid the violence, didn't really know the horrors the rest of us had seen. Because if she had she wouldn't have wanted to see Michael. If she had she wouldn't have left the safety of arrow house.

It was knowing that which made me certain I'd done the right thing in helping her. She'd have tried it without me and she'd have gotten far enough to kill herself. She might not have wanted it, or thought she needed it - or perhaps she did know and that was the root of her cruel streak - but she did need it. My protection that is. Or at least someone who knew her well enough to keep her safe from herself, the Shelby in her.

Looking down at her as she slept then, the sweetness which glowed all innocent on her somnolent expression, I was growing more convinced that perhaps now, after the last 24 hours, I was the only person who really knew her at all. And I didn't really feel like I knew her.

So despite the ache in my muscles and the exhaustion I felt permeating my whole body, my mind too, I couldn't sleep. Not properly.

Couldn't drift off and succumb to my exhaustion the way I realise now Sylvia had been hoping I would.

I couldn't tell how long I'd been lying there waiting for sleep to take me when she stirred. Only that the streets were still dark and the moon through the window still cast her in an ethereal glow. Only that I was still exhausted and the long wait for sleep had done little to calm my temper or my nerves. So when she tried to slip away from the bed instinct kicked in and before she could move I'd thrown an arm around her, dragged her beneath me and rolled on top of her, her hands pinned above her head. My nose brushing hers, eyes flaring unforgiving into her wide dear in the headlight eyes.

But her innocence was feigned and the second she tried to struggle against me and slip away, the second she realised there was no way in hell she could fight me off, her eyes narrowed and her venom took over.

"Get the fuck off me peaky boy..." She snarled, her wicked little smirk and the mischievous light in her eye sparking my temper.

"Are you fucking insane?" I whispered, struggling to swallow down my anger. My heart was racing, adrenaline coursing through my veins. I knew exactly what she had thought she was going to do and the hatred she had sparked in me then, the resentment made it difficult for me to control myself. "Sneaking off to see Michael? That where you think you're going? Are you fucking stupid?"

"I wouldn't have to sneak if you weren't so up my brothers arse!" She shot back, narrowing her eyes, trying to get under my skin. But I wasn't going to let her take shots at me when in trying to sneak out she'd proven just how naive she really was.

"You might have a bloody death wish Sylvia but I don't want your fuckin blood on my hands." I could feel myself shaking, my fingers wrapped round her wrists too tightly, the weight of my body on top of hers too much. But I was angry, and the girl needed scaring. That much was obvious when she rolled her eyes at me again.

"Solomons is hardly gonna kill me is he." She said, her voice drawling and bored. As if I was over reacting.

"Far worse our enemies would do to you if they got their hands on you sweetheart!" I said fixing her with an unforgiving stare. Her eyes locked with mine. An understanding flickering in them for a second before she tried to glaze over again. Tried to pretend my words hadn't reminded her of something she didn't want to remember.

"You can't stop me seeing him," she said, her whisper still so determined, there was something there though now, something which almost sounded like a real emotion, only served to piss me off more, "I'm not a fuckin child, a few cuts and bruises don't scare me..."

I had to bite back a laugh then. It was spiteful, mirrored the venom she was spitting at me. Might even have wounded her if she'd cared anything for me.

"They left your cousin for dead sweetheart, maybe you should fuckin see him eh, maybe you'd rekindle a bit of respect for the sanctity of life!"

She didn't try to hold her laughter back. Her giggle melodic but cutting. She didn't need to say anything to leave me swallowing down the urge to say something cruel, but she did.

"Have you heard yourself?" She sneered.

"You wouldn't even recognise him Sylvia, it was a thousand times worse than anything you've seen at ballet class."

"Don't patronise me Isaiah."

"Don't be so fuckin stupid then." I hissed back, forcing her back down into the mattress when she struggled again. Her leg squirming under mine because she was trying to kick me. "And if you ain't stupid you're fuckin selfish..."

She held my gaze, unflinching. Her glare cold. Perhaps more unforgiving than my own.

Beneath me she felt so small. I had to force the image of her trembling frame down, has to force myself to forget her dainty form as she had spun slowly, teetering on one leg, ethereal and delicate in the middle of the gym. Had to force myself to forget how sweet she'd been as a younger girl, how sweet I was determined to believe she still was. If I let myself believe she was anything but a liability, a threat which needed to be neutralised somehow, I'd let her do something stupid and we'd both wind up dead.

With my chest pressed to hers I could feel her heart racing against mine. Could feel the tremble of her body, something she didn't want me to feel. I knew I was getting to her even if it didn't look like it. Even if she had that dead behind the eyes kind of Shelby cool to her.

"If the Changrettas get a hold of you, anyone gets hold of you sweetheart, they won't fuckin kill you, won't be worth very much when you're dead... Know what they will do though? They'll chop you up piece by fuckin piece to get to your brothers, you'll break Pols fuckin heart, and Esme and Ada. How many fingers and toes do you think you can lose before you start missing em eh Syl?" I asked gripping her wrist a little tighter than before, raising it to make a point, forcing her to look at her forearm, "think you'll still be dancing swan lake when some Sabini cunts taken a fuckin cleaver to your elbow?" She didn't say a word, just kept glaring back at me, determined not to let me scare her, but I was determined to do just that, determined to try and drive the point home. "Ain't a single fuckin Shelby wouldn't lay their life down for you so you might think about being a bit more fuckin careful with yours eh?"

She held my gaze but she didn't say a word and when she stopped struggling, stopped smirking, stopped speaking back, we simply stayed there, caught in a frozen moment. An unforgiving moment in which the two of shook subtly, me with rage and her with a spiteful determination.

"Trust me sweetheart death is not the worst thing...."

Her lips were pressed together and pouting, my body hovering above her held her sullen features in shadow. I could feel her breath on my skin and knew she could feel my breathing too. My nose skimmed hers as I thought about trying to explain myself again but in the end I didn't.

When she didn't say a word more I gave up. Rolled off her but kept a hold of her wrist. She didn't try to move though. Just lay there completely still. Eyes open, starring up at the ceiling. Her silence leaving me to wonder what she was thinking. Because the look on her face was glazed and cold, dead behind the eyes.

"Go back to fuckin sleep." I grumbled, my sigh accompanied by my hand to my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose as I despaired. Already the guilt was prickling away at me, already the shame of having used that quiet kind of violence to stifle her, was sitting heavy in the pit of my stomach. But there wasn't a single thing I'd said to her that wasn't true. I might have been cruel to detail, but I hadn't lied or exaggerated. I'd simply told her the truth her brothers wouldn't. A truth she needed to understand if she was going to cut around pretending she already knew it all.

I lay on my back for awhile just listening. Stewing. Trying not to let her piss me off anymore than she already had. Trying not to let the guilt tug away at my heart strings. Trying to remind myself why I'd behaved as I had. So violently, so unforgiving.

Tried to remind myself it probably didn't matter. She hadn't given up because she was scared, she'd given up because she knew it wasn't reasonable or worth it to keep fighting me. She'd realised that in that moment trapped beneath me she couldn't win. That was all.

If I let go of her wrist she'd probably try again.

If I fell asleep before the sun began to rise she'd probably try again.

But in the end I did fall asleep. To the sound of her faint breathing and the city outside, London's halfhearted dawn chorus. Birds chattering and cooing, cars starting up, traffic sounds. The first footfalls along the pavement. Somewhere amid the rest of the worlds waking up I drifted off and when I awoke once more it was to an otherwise empty bed. A sinking feeling in my stomach. Not quite able to feel let down because I'd known all along that she'd leave me.

I let my hand rest in the space she'd occupied only hours before, flexed my fingers and groaned as I dragged my palm down my face and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Fuck." I hissed through gritted teeth.

I couldn't have slept for very long, an hour or two at best. I had that sluggish kind of sting in my eyes and my throat, that clinging lethargy. The rest had only served to highlight the extent of my exhaustion.

"For fuck sake..." I groaned as I pushed myself up and out of the bed. My heart had already started racing again, I wasn't going to panic about the situation but I was certainly feeling uneasy. Certainly already racing through the options in my head. Which way she'd have gone, how she'd have left. How she might have tried to get to the hospital.

She wasn't stupid enough to walk it, but then if she'd had no other choice. I could only pray she hadn't been naive enough to hail a cab in this end of town.

But as my feet hit the bedroom floor and I let out another sigh of despair I heard something which stopped me in my tracks. That fae like laugh, it drifted to me from the corner of the room.

And when I opened my eyes properly I felt a rush of shame at the way my heart lifted - not just with relief but with something else too.

Because she hadn't left. She hadn't really gone anywhere at all.

"What's the matter Saiah, bad dreams?" She smirked at me from where she was sitting curled up in the arm chair. Her legs dangling over the arm, one ankle crossed over the other, her feet and toes taut and pointed.

She held my gaze, her eyes bright and smug. She could see the panic Id been trying to swallow down and she would be more than happy to use it against me if I let her.

I didn't say a word, just fixed her with the same cold glare I had in the middle of the night. My lips pressed together, hands gripping the edge of the bed to steady myself. Because I wanted to snap at her again. Wanted to say something cruel, take all of my frustration out on her. Because even after everything Id told her last night, she still had the look of a little girl playing games. In fact now there was something spiteful in her eyes and I had a feeling I'd poked the bear. Had a feeling I'd made things a little harder for myself once again.

"Surprised to see you here." I said nodding to the window, "didn't fancy pulling a cat woman then?"

"You told me not to remember?" She said, forcing a pout, managing to hold her wounded look for two seconds before the sorry glow in her eyes was replaced once again by that dull antagonising smirk.

"Give over sweetheart." I said standing up properly, pulling my shirt on and walking to the window to look out over the rooftops and down into the courtyard where there was a young lad sitting on a bench with a cigarette. He looked up when my shadow caught his eye, confirming my suspicions. "Solomons is having us watched..."

"Obviously." She said.

She looked pissed off and when the penny dropped I couldn't help but chuckle.

"That why you're still here?" I asked, unable to help myself poke at her wounded pride, "didn't fancy trying to sneak out after all?" I grinned looking between her and the view from the window. It was just one lad and his dog and I couldn't imagine that would be enough to perturb her after everything she'd already dragged me through.

"Told you why I'm still here dickhead," she sighed slipping from the chair to the rug, crossing the floor to stand just in front of me, arms folded over her chest as she looked up at me sullenly. Her lips a downward curve. Something uncannily sweet about her now that she was stood so close to me. "If I'd wanted to go I'd be gone." She said so plainly that I knew once again it was true.

I thought about meeting her with the same fleeting honesty, a moment of genuine understanding. Thought about apologising for the way id pinned her down in the middle of the night, whispered all those evil images to her to try and frighten her into place. But then I remembered just how quickly she had turned on me before, just how quickly that glazed look in her eyes could take over. How swift the feeling was to drain from her. So I just sneered and pinched her cheek, something I'd regret much later.

"Oh Sylvie," I smirked, not needing to say anything else to upset her or rile her up. Only having to wink and turn away from her to leave her standing there with a quiet angry flush about her. Could feel her glare burning into the back of my skull.

Perhaps if I'd have realised what was waiting for us downstairs I'd have done more to keep her close to me. Perhaps if I'd been a better man I'd have realised that for the briefest of moments I'd seen the old Sylvia trying to drag herself back from the hollow place her mind had locked her away. Perhaps if I'd have reached out to her then, understood that we were on each others team, I'd have been able to keep her close enough to save her.

But I wasn't the better man. I was foolish, with a wounded ego, too easily scorned by her. So when we went downstairs and met Alfie in the kitchen, his feet kicked up on the table, lips wearing a smug little smirk, I didn't put up enough of a fight.

"Morning Alfie." I started already trying to hold onto my patience, already trying to anticipate the shower of shite he was about to start talking.

He didn't say it back, didn't even really look at me.

He was lounging on the sofa which stood in the bay of the window, the morning sunlight washing over him, catching the ginger flecks in his hair. He didn't look much like the suited gangsters I was used to, but then Alfie often didn't. In his white tshirt and a pair of black jeans, Cyril lazing on the sofa with his head in Alfie's lap. He didn't look dangerous and when I turned to glance at Sylvia I felt a disquiet stir inside me, because there was something a little too trusting in her eyes when she looked at him. If not trusting, something worse - wanting.

"I've been ruminating," he began, his fingers combing through Cyrils fur, giving him a gentle scratch as he spoke, "you know what that means lad?" He raised his brow at me. I didn't say anything because I didn't have anything nice to say. "Nah, well, never mind never mind, it's a big word ain't it, Ollie!" He called out suddenly, "Ollie my boy get in here would you!"

I turned slightly to look over my shoulder at the kitchen doorway, catching Sylvia's eyes as I turned. But when she met my gaze she looked straight through me.

A moment later Ollie came running in, a panicked look in his eyes behind his glasses. Even when he corrected himself and stood up straight, there was a nervousness about him as he anticipated Alfie's temper.

"There you are Ollie my boy, clever lad is our Ollie, any word you fancy, anything that stumps you yeah, can always rely on our Ollie to sort you out and see you right, yeah..." Said Alfie, "Ain't that right my boy?"

"Uh yes Alfie," he said adjusting the glasses on his nose. There was a look of nervous understanding in his eyes and I wondered how familiar he was with this routine. Had my question confirmed when he took a little dictionary from his trackie bottoms pocket and opened it. When I glanced back at Sylvia she was smirking, a wry little smile, the same bored look in her eyes.

"Now then, Peaky Boy, just you tell our Ollie what it was I said that confused you yeah, he'll be more than happy to help you out won't you Ollie lad?"

I fixed Alfie with a glare, gritted my teeth. Breathed in through my nose slowly. I didn't answer him, just held his gaze. A quiet challenge I knew I was going to have to lose.

"Well go on peaky boy, this is all for your benefit see, cause in a minute yeah, in a minute I'm gonna carry on discussing my here ruminations on a particular close-to-your-heart-matter and I wouldn't want you to get left behind right, cause that wouldn't be very hospitable of me would it?"

When still I didn't say anything Alfie chuckled. Ollie appeared to be growing more uneasy by the second. When I glanced at Sylvie, who stood a little in front of me, she didn't even really look like she was listening. She looked distant. Like she'd already turned and left the room, occupied her mind with other matters.

"Go on lad don't be shy, what word would you like our boy Ollie to look up for you... He's very fast ain't you Ollie, our literary prodigal son is our Ollie, can do it with his eyes closed standing upsidedown on one leg can't you boy..."

"Uh, yes Alfie..."

I remained as cool as I could, remembering the speech Tommy had given me when he'd asked me to look after his little sister. She was vulnerable even if she didn't believe it herself. And his men in London hadn't been lying. She did look sick, not so much sick as frail. Thin was the word I'd have used too. Stretched too thin, like she was trying to be too much, too many things all at once. Unsustainable was the word I'd use to describe whatever death wish trip she was on. And whether or not Alfie was pissing me off, humiliating me, trying his best to immaculate and demoralise me, I had to put Sylvia first. Couldn't start anything that might put her at risk.

But when I opened my mouth to bow down and give in the word left someone else's lips.

"Ruminating, quick as you can Ollie please," said Sylvia, "since this conversations clearly fuckin scripted..." She added with a little smirk, leaving me with gritted teeth trying not to show my frustration. Trying not to let Alfie see how nervous her erratic behaviour was really making me.

"Mind your manners little Shelby ain't your brother told you about minding your manners... Said it before and I'll say it again, need a fuckin father figure you, it's just fuckin sad at this point... Yeah yeah, alright, what have you got for us then Ollie my boy, Ruminating, R U M I N A T I N G, ruminating..."

The young lad stuttered a little, adjusted his glasses as he held the book up to his face and squinted at the tiny writing on the page. His accent was a lot more sophisticated than Alfie's, in fact he sounded similar to Sylvia and that put a smirk on my face, because he didn't exactly sound like he should have been running with Solomons.

"Uh, To Ruminate, verb... gerund or present participle: ruminating..."

"See, he's a clever boy is our Ollie, I paid to put him through school didn't I, fuckin generous old bastard me, and ain't it paid off..." Alfie spoke over the lad, lowering his voice, addressing the room as opposed to me or Sylvie. "Shame your big brother ain't so generous eh, think what you coulda been peaky boy... All that wasted potential..."

I remained stoic, turned my attention back to the poor lad reciting the dictionary behind us.

"To ruminate is to think deeply about something for example, "we sat ruminating on the nature of existence...." Carried on Ollie, his voice a little shaken in places as his eyes flickered between the three of us and the pages of his book.

"There we go see," began Alfie, giving Ollie a little applause, insisting he took a bow, "and this morning I woke up bright an early yeah, crack of dawn, and I sat outside yeah, cause that's what I like to do in the morning you know, nice cup of herbal tea, lemon and ginger, beautiful aromatics, fuckin lovely stuff is lemon and ginger herbal tea right..." he said gesturing a kiss with his hands as he leant back into the sofa cushions. "So, I like to sit on my bench outside in the courtyard and me an Cyril yeah, we like to listen to the birds for awhile don't we boy..." He said scruffing up the hounds coat as Cyril nestled into his lap. "Cause it's good for the soul that, birdsong, very healing, very grounding... Tell everyone that don't I, birdsong, it's good for the fuckin soul Peaky Boy."

"And so that's what I did this morning right, I thought to myself, here Alf, don't those little birds outside sound lively this morning, all their little chirpin an tweetin, fuckin beautiful right, and I took myself outside and I sat back under the shade of my old hawthorn tree, and I ruminated yeah, I sat ruminating on the nature of our here predicament..."

"And what predicament might that be Alfie?" I asked dryly.

"Oh you know," he said, one arm stretched along the back of the sofa, lazy gesture as he pushed his hair back, "the little gypsy wants to see her cousin don't she Peaky Boy, and she's a stubborn little miss ain't she... Doesn't seem to care that visiting the silly bastard could get you both killed does she... Don't seem to realise what a fuckin 'orrible ugly mess those Italiano cunts made of the poor sod..."

"Doesn't sound like much of a predicament to me Alfie..." I said coldly, trying to reason with him quietly, realising my mistake a moment too late. This was Alfie Solomons. You didn't reason with him, you only showed him your weakness, told him what you didn't want him to know.

"Well you see the thing is peaky boy, I'm doing my best to be hospitable here, ain't all that often a notoriously miserable old man such as myself finds himself with guests is it, better make the most of it hadn't I?" He offered me a little sneer, a taunting light in his eyes I'd have shot clean off his face if I could have, if I hadn't had to think of Sylvie first. "And well it occurred to me whilst I was ruminating yeah, that keeping the little princess all locked up here, well that ain't all that hospitable... Is it?"

"You're going to take me to see Michael?" Asked Sylvia. The hope in her voice almost broke my heart. Certainly struck fear into my heart.

"Yeah," he said, "yeah why not eh, a little Alfie/Sylvie bonding time yeah... You'll have to stay here mind lad," he said to me, finger pointed towards my chest, "I need some kind of guarantee don't I, you'll have to play collateral I'm afraid, case any of your lot get the wrong end of the stick and start throwing accusations around."

"Fuckin no chance..." I grinned in disbelief, shaking my head and turning to Sylvia, but Sylvia wasnt looking at me. She was looking at Alfie, her eyes glowing with hope.

"Oh come on lad you know how it is, can't just go galavanting around town with Shelby royalty when there's a war on, and not keep some kind of bargaining chip safe at home... You know how it is lad? She don't seem too enamoured with you right now either... Coupla hours apart might do you good yeah? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, ain't that what they say..."

"I said no, fuckin no..."

"I'm going." Said Sylvie without looking at me. Leaving me to freeze, speechless and full of dread.

"There we go see, look at that eh Peaky Boy, you see her face, how's an old softie like me sposed to say no to that delightful little smile?" He asked me, his eyes challenging me quietly to fight him, to try and deny Sylvie something he'd already promised her. The hope he'd dangled in front of her.

I was the enemy now. As simple as that.

"You said it yourself Alfie, she could get herself killed..." I started, knowing that nothing I said now would change Sylvia's mind. Feeling a devastating kind of desperation rip through me when I looked back at her and saw the decision had already been made.

"I'm sure Alfie can handle a couple Italians..." She said fixing me with a cruel determination. Daggers in her eyes. And I wondered then which of my actions had been the final nail in this coffin. Had it been the way I'd spoken to her this morning, so unforgiving, spiteful tone, or had it been last night when I'd pushed her down into the mattress, kept her trapped beneath me as I tried to strike the fear of god into her. When had I made myself the enemy? When had she decided to put her trust in him and not me?

"Oh aye, course I can, couple of Changretta's, a sprinkling of Sabinis, piece of piss, piece of pumpkin bloody pie, don't you worry peaky boy, I'll keep her safe..."

I swallowed a lump in my throat, fist clenched at my side.

"I'm not letting you go alone Sylvia!"

"You fuckin are mate those are the parameters as laid out by me, master of this here fuckin house... You either wait at home like a good little pup whilst me and the little miss head out on the town, or she don't fuckin go... Now I don't know about you but if it were up to me, I'd pick my fuckin battles yeah..."

"Sylvia..." I groaned.

"I'm going to see my cousin Isaiah..."

"For fuck sake girl! I'm not about to let you go an get yourself killed!"

"Oi, Peaky boy!" Alfie suddenly bellowed, his voice silencing the both of us, ringing out around the kitchen, startling Ollie so that he dropped his dictionary and began scrambling for it on the floor. "You don't fuckin swear at girls like that who do you think you are?" Snapped Alfie, squaring up to me, his finger jabbing into my chest as I stared coldly back at him. Met his eyes with a silent challenge. "Raising your voice at young girls like that, fuckin disgusting..."

I looked straight through him and then turned on him, crossed the room to Sylvia. For a moment I was furious, gripped with rage. Rage at the humiliation she was forcing me to endure, rage at her indignance, her selfishness. The anger sparked in me every time Alfie opened his useless mouth.

And then all at once I wasn't.

In the second I snatched at her arm and saw it - the bruise I'd left on her arm the night before, the shape of my unforgiving grip in a bracelet around her wrist - I lost just enough fight to give up.

I picked up her hand and turned her palm over in my mine. I felt the guilt twist inside me when I looked down at the mark I'd left. Felt like a hypocrite as I tried to plead with her once again.

"Sylvia I gave your brother my word... I ain't about to break it by letting you go running off round London with a f... psychopath..."

I looked down at her, met her cold eyes again. They were full of shadows. She was out of reach again and I could feel the hopelessness returning to me. The heavy feeling in my heart. Because she was determined and unfeeling and it hurt to see her so removed. Not quite a ghost but almost. Not quite a girl either. Knowing I'd pushed her into this corner. Knowing that if I'd been a little more gentle things might have been different.

"Now to be fair mate, to be fair right, she was already doing that wasn't she... Running round London with a murderous bastard... There ain't no denying that's what she was doing is there?"

I ignored Alfie. Sylvie just smirked. Held my gaze and smirked. I wondered if she could feel a thing. Had to lie to myself and believe it was all just an act. Believe I hadn't seen this look in her brothers eyes just before he gave the order to kill.

"Gave your brother my word..." I said again, losing all hope in the silence that followed. Losing all hope in the moment I saw her lips move around the words.

"Fuck my brother."

"Now now darlin there's no need for that eh, the boys only followin orders ain't he, like he said he just wants what's best don't you Peaky Boy... No need to swear eh, no need at all..." Said Alfie stepping up behind her, his hands on her shoulders, smoothing down her arms as he met my gaze with a smug glint in his eyes. "Now don't you worry Peaky Boy, she'll be perfectly safe with good old Alfie right, I'll look after her I promise... In fact you know what, you know what... You have my word."

And I knew there was no fighting them then. Knew that Sylvia had cut herself off from me, that she was out of reach now. Unfeeling and determined. I knew then that I'd lost her, that if anything happened to her now it was my fault. That I hadn't done enough for her and yet couldn't do anymore.

"Alright little darlin," said Alfie with a much sweeter smile when he looked down at her, his hand rubbed her back in a smooth circle and I felt my hatred for him twist deep in my stomach. "You run along and get your things, here I'll even let you pick the car eh, how about that?"

Taglist (sorry if you're on here and don't want to be I lost my taglist for trouble and I'm away and working from mobile so just had to copy the old one for everything)

@inalovesrabbits-blog

@zablife

@itsghostgirlyo

@marwwfairy

@toddlerbodybag

@everysage

@tommyshelbyswhore

@kxnnxy

@starrykitn

call-sign-shark

Only-malala

galactic3a

darkcastle167

feyresqueen

[busterswritehand]

You're Timeless To Me

-

Roughly 180 years after the events of ACOSF, Lucien looks up to find that he is surrounded by strangers. Meanwhile, Nesta realizes she has stayed still while the world around her keeps moving. Misery loves company, but these two can hardly make small talk.

-

Part 14

-

Nearly a week and a half was spent negotiating the Summer Court's terms for the treaty. At first, Nesta thought it would be an easy sell. Tarquin was willing to listen and had little to no questions or objections. However, he turned out to be nearly as stubborn as Tamlin. She should not have been surprised in hindsight - he was a High Lord after all. Compromise was not in their nature.

Despite that, Tarquin was a friend of Rhysand and Feyre so he did not feel the need to indulge his pride as Tamlin had. One of the perks of negotiating with an ally. On top of it all, Nesta and Lucien managed to close negotiations earlier than anticipated. She was ready to spend a day cooped up in her room or the library relaxing before Summer Solstice celebrations.

Lucien had something else in mind it seemed. Instead of being tucked away reading, Nesta was following him down the winding streets of the city in the blistering heat. The humidity was not much better. Nesta silently thanked the mother for holding her braid together.

"Where are we going," she asked.

Lucien paused in the street, nearly causing Nesta to run into him. He looked around for a moment.

"I'm not sure anymore," he shrugged.

"What do you mean?" She snapped, "Don't tell me you dragged me out here for an aimless hike."

"Tarquin insisted that we visit the beach if we had time." Lucien rubbed the back of his neck, "I should have asked for directions."

"You think?" Frustrated, Nesta walked past Lucien. She could hear his footsteps hurrying to keep up. "If we're going to be lost, then I'd like to at least be tipsy."

She could hear Lucien chuckle to himself. Even when he managed to piss her off, he did so with a honey-coated voice. It was as annoying as it was comforting.

"Lead the way," he said.

They wandered around for a quarter of a mile when they stumbled on a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The two found a small table near a window. From what Nesta could tell, they were the only customers. It only took a few seconds for a young faerie girl to bring them out drinks and an array of appetizers.

Lucien gave his thanks to the girl before diving in. Nesta looked at her drink which was clear like fresh water. She quickly found out that it was not water. The black licorice smell hit her first before she tasted it. The drink itself was fiery, forcing a few coughs out of her. Lucien watched on with an amused expression. He took a sip from his drink.

"How can you stand that?"

Lucien shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a citizen of the world."

"I thought it was pronounced the band of exiles," Nesta mumbled into her drink.

She winced at the burn in the back of her throat. Looking up, she noticed that Lucien was taken aback by what she had said. Right. Nesta had almost forgotten about Jurian and Vassa. It was easy to forget when he never mentioned them. Then again, how often did she talk about what she had lost?

Nesta's gaze sofetened.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned," Nesta trailed off, not sure if she should say their names. Lucien looked down at his food as if he was avoiding the same thing. Nesta felt her heart tug. She cleared her throat. "The heat makes me cranky."

It was a flimsy excuse. She was all too aware of it. The realization that Lucien had to hear it made Nesta want to put her head through a wall. She expected an eye roll from him at best. Instead, Lucien looked at her with his usual mischievous grin.

"Then you must be warm all the time," he said.

Nesta kicked his leg softly under the table, unable to mask her relief at his bad joke. Lucien let out a small laugh in response. Their eyes met at that moment, and something happened. Nesta couldn't put her finger on it, but it was one of those rare moments of complete and total understanding. They saw each other, wholly. The joy, and the pain behind it.

They didn't speak for the rest of the meal. She didn't mind. It was a comfortable silence. They were able to simply enjoy each other's presence. Nesta set money on the table when their drinks were empty so they could get a move on. Hopping out of her seat, the alcohol hit her system. She tried to find her balance but still stumbled in the process. Lucien grabbed her arm and back, keeping her steady. It surprised her how fast he was able to get to his feet.

"It's stronger than you'd think," he said.

"Thanks for the warning," she quipped, poking his chest.

Lucien made sure they got directions this time before leaving the restaurant. Nesta walked in front of him, determined to find the beach at all costs. The heat caused the alcohol to wear off fast, and a dip in the water sounded refreshing.

After nearly an hour, they finally arrived at the shoreline. It was undoubtedly worth the walk. The sands were white, and the water was crystal clear. It was tempting her. Nesta wasted no time kicking off her shoes and tying her skirt up to her knees.

She slowly approached the water, letting the waves crash over her feet. It wasn't nearly as cold as the river in Velaris. Lucien walked past her, trousers rolled up to his knees. His brown skin and red hair glistened against the light of the sun. Nesta turned her head to look at the endless ocean in front of them.

"Why did you decide to take me here," she asked.

"It's important to experience the territories you're negotiating with."

Lucien's response was so clinical - it was too rehearsed. She did not believe him. He wasn't wrong, but she had a feeling there was more. Nesta turned to Lucien. Nesta approached Lucien, causing the tips of her dress to brush the water.

"Why else?"

Lucien's gaze fixed on her. He took a moment before responding.

"It's been a long couple of weeks." He stared down at the water. "And we haven't made any progress with your dilemma."

He was right. They still had no clue why Feyre and Rhysand would invade her mind. Part of Nesta doubted that Lucien believed her which only made her appreciate his determination more. Not many people had ever put their faith in her. Nesta was glad that he did.

"I rather like this consolation prize," she said.

"I'm glad to hear it, especially after all that complaining."

Nesta shot him a warning look. Lucien's smile and the gleam in his eye were nothing less than smug. She wanted to wipe that expression off his face, so without a second thought she splashed him. It did the trick. Lucien blinked in surprise.

Before she could gloat, Lucien splashed her with the force of his entire arm. Nesta jumped back, trying to evade the water. She slipped on the loose sand. Lucien tried to catch her, but they tumbled into the water. Nesta resurfaced to the sound of Lucien's barking laughter.

"It's not funny," Nesta said, trying to hold back her own laughter. "We're drenched."

"We'll dry off," Lucien said.

He brushed the hair out of his face with his hand. Nesta had not noticed before, but Lucien's shirt was completely see-through now. Feeling her face heat up, Nesta jumped out of the water and turned on her heel. She headed back for the shore.

"Where are you going?" Lucien called after her.

"To dry off," she said pointedly.

Nesta didn't bother looking back at him. She spent a considerable amount of time ringing the edges of her skirt and blouse dry. Feeling her braid start to slip, she let her hair down to air dry. Lucien approached Nesta, sitting by her side.

"Tired of the water already?"

He shrugged, "I wouldn't call it my element."

Nesta hummed a response. She faced Lucien and noticed that he was staring at her. He jumped like he was breaking out of a trance.

"I just haven't seen you with your hair down before."

Lucien turned his head from her. Nesta noticed a slight blush tinting his cheeks and ears. She hadn't realized how harsh the sun must have been today. Nesta wondered if she was starting to burn as well.

"I'm not used to it either," she joked.

"It looks good," he mumbled.

She felt her eyes widen and her breath catch. Nesta cleared her throat. She never was good at taking compliments. She nodded her head in thanks, looking out at the water.

They relaxed on the beach for an hour or so. The symphony of seagulls, crashing waves, and the sea breeze filled the silence between them. It was just the relaxation she needed - if only she had brought a book. Nesta hated to admit it, but this was the perfect place to read. It was also the ideal spot to doze off. It practically took everything in her not to.

She suspected it was the same for Lucien. He shifted around for a while before standing up. He extended a hand to her. Nesta considered for a moment before accepting. She followed him to where the water met the sand.

They wandered down the strip of damp sand. The gap between them closed as they walked further down until their hands brushed against each other. It was an accident, and yet her heart skipped a beat. Nesta hastily brought her hands together, fiddling with them. She kept her focus on the water.

"It's getting late," Lucien commented. "Maybe we should head back."

Nesta looked up at the sky to see the sun start to hang low. She nodded in agreement. They turned around and began to head back towards the castle.

[theintrovertbean]

I bet you can't tell which one of them is my favorite (sarcastic)

I'll make another post later about Nadia because I love her so much I might need therapy 😭

I'm participating in brainrot's Vesuvia Weekly prompts and I'd like to encourage eveyone to join ^.^

Also, brainrot has a Discord server now, so if you're interested in getting to know others from the fandom and bond over our beloved character, I kindly recommend that you join. It's a safe place for every simp 💜

The Arcana Main 6 x Dara relationship dynamics

Asra: There is some romantic potential between the two, but it's not very much. They were childhood friends and are still very close. Because of that, people often mistake them for lovers. When I say they are close, I really mean it. Asra has no problem hopping into Dara's bed for some cuddles and he's one of the very few people who are allowed to touch them. They pretty much go everywhere together and even though they have separate beds in the shop, they often end up sharing. He's invited to every family gathering and special occasion. Dara can be a little oblivious when it comes to how others feel about them (coughs coughs Nadia coughs choughs), but Asra, being the cheeky person that he is, doesn't shy away from letting them know that a certain Countess might be in love with them. Asra was the first person Dara kissed, btw.

Nadia: Oh I could talk about these two all day. True love. That's it, true love. They met during the plague and quickly fell in love with each other. However, they didn't confess their love until after Nadia woke up from her coma. Dara is introverted but warm and patient, which is something that can be said about Nadia as well. Their relationship is as comfortable as it is passionate, filled with affection and care. They're both givers, which means they spoil each other 24/7 with gifts and all forms of affection. Neither of them trusts easily, but since they're both patient and kind, opening up was not a big issue (except that one incident but that's gonna be explained in Wounds of Magic, Scars of Love.) Nadia is Dara's favorite person in the entire world and they're giving her the special treatment. They seem like an open person, but there's still so much that they hide about themselves. Not from Nadia, tho. Nadia is the only person that Dara tells everything. They have some trauma, and so far, Nadia has been the only one they completely trusted with it. Whenever something happens, Dara's first thought is that they have to go and tell Nadia about it. No one is allowed to touch Dara without asking for first (except Asra and maybe a handful of other people), but Nadia is always an exception. Actually, Dara wishes she would touch them all the time. There is something about the Countess that makes Dara feel things that no one else ever has before. It's a relationship based on lots of love and mutual respect. When it's just them, everything feels so easy. They can be just Nadia and Dara with each other and I think that's beautiful. There's no pressure, no expectations. Just love. If there was a love story about a star and the moon, it would be about them. Hand in marriage when?

Julian: Dara can't really decide how they feel towards Julian. On the one hand, they'd party with him. On the other hand, they're giving him a bombastic side-eye. Julian is not bad and Dara is okay with hanging out with him once in a while, but they can't imagine getting any closer to him. However, sometimes they hang out at the Rowdy Raven and chat over some drinks and they worked together during the plague. When they share a common goal, they're willing to work together towards it.

Muriel: Sweet Muriel is a childhood friend of Dara. They drifted apart but later rekindled their friendship. Or more like, Muriel tolerates Dara more than he would with other people. Dara isn't someone who would force anyone, which is something that Muriel appreciates. However, Dara makes sure that Muriel never feels forgotten. Whenever Dara goes somewhere, they bring him back a little gift or occasionally show up at his hut to say hi, bring some goodies, and pet Inanna. Whenever there's an occasion, Dara invites Muriel and sadly, he often says no, but Dara lets him know that they could hang out later. Just the two of them. They both like chickens. Dara sometimes asks if they could hug Muriel.

Portia: Besties. They bake together and gossip together. When Dara and Portia sit down, they simply can't resist spilling all the latest tea. You know what TikTok trend about whoever brings up xy has to pay first? Yeah, it's them. I swear to gayness, they're like two grandmas. They pet and feed stray cats. Maybe occasionally bring them back to the Palace until Nadia says it's enough. Portia is someone that Dara trusts and considers a true friend. Lots of inside jokes and uncontrollable laughter. They also think that she's cute.

Lucio: Another character with romantic potential. At first, Dara just wanted to punch him. Now they want to punch him and then make out with him and it really confuses them. They're still salty about the way Lucio treated Nadia, but they also understand that Lucio is in some serious need of a therapist. With that being said, Dara is someone that Lucio can talk to about his past. As soon as they begin to understand why Lucio is the way he is, their judgement and hatred for him starts to disappear. When Lucio had the plague, Dara did their best to ease his suffering. If he ever needs a shoulder to cry on or just someone who listens, Dara is always available. They want to get drunk with him.

[justporo]

"but what if there was just a way how Tav and Astarion could just be young and beautiful, but also healthy and happy, together - forever?"

call me naive or crazy, but i am pretty sure this is actually possible (this IS the forgotten realms)

the clone spell for Tav to live forever (doing the spell every certain amount of time)

Hexxat a vampire from Baldur's gate 2 had the Cloak of Dragomir, which could allow Astarion to walk under the sun (although the penalties…but still! The clock proves that it is possible! we just have to find him something better!)

besides, Astarion has something very powerful on his side, his friend group

there is Gale, GALE, need I say more in regards to help with research?!?!

Karlach and Wyll may be in the hells, Lae'zel is in the astral plane, the chances of them finding something somewhere that could help their favorite mosquito are quite high i would say

Shadowheart also would help however she can

like, I honestly believe Astarion's chances of living a life as good as when he had the tadpole are actually pretty high (and I love that what could probably help him achieve this is friendship, the most powerful vampire in the realms being a vampire spawn that didn't sell his humanity, but embraced it, seems wonderfully poetic and very fitting to me)

Oh, I do believe there are ways to cure Astarion of his vampirism or just the - let's call them "negative" side effects. Because I do believe Astarion actually enjoys being immortal and young forever for example, I guess maybe even the blood drinking isn't as bad for him now that he can source it "ethically" and doesn't have to devour rats either.

(I actually headcanon that if Tav and Astarion would settle down in Baldur's Gate they'd maybe find like a local butcher where Astarion can source a steady amount of blood since he doesn't want to hurt Tav and he might not be able to always make the effort to go outside the city to hunt animals or something.)

The big thing is probably really that he can't walk in the sun. I guess Tav and Astarion would let things settler a little, maybe take at least a little breather before they go on, but Tav promised Astarion to find a way to help him and so they will.

I'd bet they would hit up Gale in Waterdeep because the wizard is the most scholarly of all the companions. Then they'd take it from there.

I really dig the idea of Astarion's friends helping him and this being the solution.

But alas, fanfic writing angst bitch that I am - I'd like to take it all with a grain of salt: if Astarion was to ever walk in the sun again, it would come with a price attached. There are no easy happy endings in this realm I feel like.

(And not saying that I haven't been thinking about a longform project where Tav and Astarion go adventuring to find a cure, but also not not saying that... hehe)

[wanderingthroughsands]

I. Things we can’t control

Maybe I'm going crazy You're looking at me like we just had a fight as I'm waking I know it is hard to let go The things that I have said as you lie in bed til tomorrow I keep my secrets tonight

– "Don't believe your dreams" by The Burma

„Becca, you are a lifesaver!”

Usually, when I arrive at the office early in the morning, the rooms of our editorial department are still hushed, with only few voices to be heard. In Venetta Publishing we start our day by powering up the equipment (and waiting a few minutes for it to be fully operational), exchanging brief pleasantries, and savoring coffee from the small café on the building's ground floor. And it is precisely this coffee that seems to be what saved the life of my internship supervisor, Veronica Craig.

"Thank you so much", Veronica said with a broad smile as she leaned over her desk to take the cup from me. "And I promise, this is the last time I'll ask you to bring me coffee. I don't want you to remember this internship that way."

"I've already forgotten about it", I replied, smiling, as I took my seat, placing my own cup and bag on the windowsill behind me. "Besides, what kind of intern would I be if I didn't do this at least once? Isn't that what we were made for?"

"Not here."

Our desks were arranged in an L-shape, giving me a perfect view of her profile as she leaned back in her chair and almost reverently took the first sip of her drink. I decided to use the moment to turn on my computer, which, as usual, stubbornly ignored my commands.

"You wouldn't believe the morning I've had!" Veronica continued after a moment, visibly relaxed just by holding a cup of coffee in her hand. "And what a night! If it weren't for Martin and his extremely important meeting this afternoon, I'd probably have taken a sick day."

"Why, what happened?" I asked, still not looking at her, but at the ever-blinking loading icon on my screen. I swear, just entering the password on this machine should earn a degree in computer science.

"Luke stayed over last night", I thought I heard this particular note in her voice that involuntarily brought a smile to my face. Noticing it, Veronica quickly added, "But that's not the reason for my distraction, young lady! At least not the only one. I was plagued by nightmares all night."

"Nightmares?"

"The worst ones! As soon as one ended, another began, as if they were determined to torment me. The last one was so intense that I woke Luke up and wouldn’t let him fall asleep until morning, just to avoid going back to sleep."

I tore my gaze away from the computer and finally looked at her closely. Despite her makeup, she indeed seemed tired, if that could even be said about someone as energetic as Veronica. Her eyes were smaller than usual, and the few wrinkles on her forehead suddenly appeared more pronounced.

"Do you remember what that last nightmare was about?"

"The doomsday", she replied instantly, involuntarily adopting a serious tone. "I was watching the world fall apart. Pieces of buildings were being sucked into a vortex hanging in the sky, streets were tearing away from the ground. I knew it would pull me in any moment, but there was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. So I just stood there… and waited."

"Didn't you and Luke watch some horror movie or another 'documentary' series on conspiracy theories before bed?" I asked, sketching quotation marks with my fingers.

Veronica responded with a lopsided smile.

"We had more interesting things to do", she said, making me snort and shake my head, exchanging amused glances with her.

"You know what?" I said after a moment of silence, as Veronica once again clung to her coffee cup. "Next time you have a nightmare, try to remember this conversation. Think of me and how you told me the doomsday was just one of your bad dreams. It usually helps me to rationalize my dreams like that."

"I read a similar piece of advice online when I couldn’t sleep, but I’ve never been able to pull myself out of a dream."

"Then I'll help you", I said, putting on the most endearing face I could muster. "Just look at this friendly face; how could you have nightmares when you see it?"

"Let’s not forget this friendly face brought me coffee today! A true remedy for a nightmarish night and a nightmarish day!"

Venetta Publishing became my second home just under two months ago. After several unsuccessful job interviews, I ended up applying here just and quickly started to learn the entire publishing process from Veronica and a handful of other editors. It might not have been the fulfillment of my college dreams, where I imagined myself in a large, thriving editorial office, but day by day, I grew to appreciate the intimacy and almost familial atmosphere of this place. Every day around noon, someone would go out to bring lunch for everyone. The couple who ran the business were demanding but also very willing to share their knowledge. And most importantly, I got to work with words, helping aspiring writers, who longed to one day see their publications on bookstore shelves, to make their dreams come true.

Living with my mom allowed me to afford this job. My earnings were enough to pay off my student loan and contribute to the household bills, so it’s safe to say I was living much like many other young people still searching for their perfect path.

I tried so hard to be happy with a life I built for myself. I found satisfaction in conversations with colleagues, in my mother's pride, in meetings with friends, in occasional dates...

But that constant sense of fear and anticipation, the sense I could never forget, always drew my mind back to the world of the night, to the endless loops of dreams and nightmares, where I could finally do what I really felt best at—awakening.

After a full day of work, I usually took the train home, followed by a bus that dropped me off almost at my doorstep. That day, on my way back, I was talking on the phone with Alyssa, a college friend, about her upcoming wedding and choosing a destination for the honeymoon. When I got to the apartment, mom was already there—sleeping on the couch after what was evidently an extended shift at the hospital.

"Rebecca?" She murmured, hearing the sound of the lock turning in the door.

"It's me", I replied, instinctively lowering my voice. "Go back to sleep; I'll just put away the groceries and head to my room."

"How was your day?" I could barely understand her through the massive yawn that accompanied the question.

"It was fine. Veronica gave me a few sample chapters to review. Get some rest, mom, you have another night shift tonight."

"I know, I know... I just wanted to see you for a quick minute."

I sighed softly and knelt beside her with a gentle smile on my lips. She was loosely covered with a blanket, and the messy bun she had hastily tied before leaving yesterday had left no trace. Despite her exhaustion and demanding job, she still looked very young for her age. My gaze wandered over her delicate face, then to her work uniform, which she hadn't taken off upon returning home, finally settling on the ID badge pinned to the front pocket of her apron. Meredith Surrey, RN.

"My beautiful girl..." Mom smiled broadly and reached out to touch my face. "I left dinner in the oven for you, in case you're hungry."

"Thank you. How was hospital today?"

"Rough shift", she replied, briefly closing her eyes. "We had three victims of a car accident; apparently, the driver fell asleep at the wheel. He was with his five-year-old son and unfortunately... That sight really got to me today, you know? The father will never fully recover, and when he finds out his child didn't make it... Maybe that's why I just had to see you now."

"Mom..." I felt like working as a nurse constantly reminded her of my accident, which she had taken much harder than I did. As far back as I could remember, it had always been just the two of us, and my mom had always worked hard to ensure I never view it as something negative. It was thanks to her and only her that our life was so good and peaceful.

"Try not to think about it anymore; there was nothing you could have done to make the situation better."

"You're right, dear. What happens to us is so unpredictable; sometimes there's literally nothing we can do..." I didn't respond, so mom smiled again and added, "Go eat something and rest, you definitely need it. I'm taking a day off tomorrow, so maybe we can spend the afternoon together?"

"Sure", I said, standing up. Before leaving, I tucked the blanket up to just below her nose. "But for now, sleep. You still have a few hours left. Should I wake you before nine?"

"No need, I've set my alarm. I'll come say goodbye to you before I leave."

Between returning home and locking the door behind my mom, I spent most of my time reading—first the sample chapters from Veronica, then a book that had consumed most of my free time over the past three days. As night fell, a familiar sense of anticipation began to build, urging me to put my reading aside. Just like before every night full of nightmares, a new energy surged within me, so distinct from the usual mundaneness of daytime. I felt... excited. Alive. Ready.

I lay down in bed in complete darkness, listening to the muffled sounds of the street and the upstairs neighbors' TV. It was nearing eleven, and the fatigue was beginning to make itself felt. I rubbed my eyes, as if trying to rid them of sand, then yawned and settled comfortably on my pillow.

I knew perfectly well what would happen next. I couldn't wait for it. Falling asleep was, as usual, accompanied by a sense of anticipation, mixed with just a touch of fear. For a fraction of a second, this feeling reminded me of the couple from the park, who over the years had become somewhat hazy and unreal in my memories.

And then the nightmares began. I passed through them as if moving from room to room, extending a hand to the troubled dreamers, creating passages for them to the real world. Some nightmares lasted only a few seconds, while others seemed to stretch on for hours. Periodically, Every so often, I would take a break in the green world I had found myself in right after the accident – there, I rested on the grass and watched beautiful, peaceful dreams unfold. Yet, I would return to the nightmares fairly quickly, knowing I was needed there. I woke people of all nationalities, creeds, children and the elderly, women and men, pulling them out of their own terror, showing them the way to wakefulness. Some freed from the nightmare themselves as soon as I convinced them that it wasn’t real. Others I guided personally, offering help and reassurance. This night was no different from the others, during which I kept fulfilling my personal mission of awakening. That is, it wouldn’t have been different, if not for…

Fiddler's Green, as some of the dreamers called this place, was invariably peaceful and warm, like a summer afternoon. I wandered through it leisurely, searching for the next door to the next nightmare, just as I had the very first time. Time itself flowed a little differently here, allowing me to meet hundreds of people in a single night and give each one enough attention. And within the Fiddler's Green, I could ‘rest’ from my duties  and let my mind drift away a little bit.

And it was here, for the second time in my life, that the feeling returned – the rustling bushes in the forest, the overwhelming tension that directed my gaze between the trees.

A man with dark hair, his skin as white as snow, emerged from the forrest with a slow, calm stride. Just like that day in the park five years ago, he was dressed in a long, black coat that gently billowed in the wind, and as he approached, he looked straight into my eyes. In his dark irises, I saw true infinity, as if he held the entire universe within himself…

But I saw something else too, something that made my heart suddently beat even faster – a threat.

"It was a challenging task to find you, Rebecca Surrey", he said in a deep voice that could crumble rocks. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him, and though I desperately wanted to take a step back, something held me in place.

"It is not very challenging to hide in the world of dreams, is it?" I replied, trying to sound as calm and confident as possible. „Most people do this every night.”

He smiled, but there was absolutely no joy or amusement in that smile. In fact, I couldn't discern any emotions on his face – yet I had the overwhelming, crushing sense that I had never before been in greater danger.

"You only hide when you have reasons to", he said, each word bringing him closer to me until he finally stopped, so close to me that if I were taller, our faces would almost touch. "No one of your kind should interfere in other people’s dreams. That is why I cannot allow you to do this any longer."

"I don't really come here on purpose, at least I hadn’t when I first appeared here.” I said. „It all started with the accident I had five years ago. And with... seeing you."

"Me?" A flicker of surprise flashed in his eyes, but only for a second. "Rebecca Surrey, what you do endangers both your world and mine. And if it's not stopped, it could cause permanent damage that even I will not be able to repair."

"Stopped?" Despite the fear slowly creeping into my stomach, I still couldn't look away from his eyes.

"It truly saddens me." He tilted his head, as if observing a capricious child. "You are an anomaly. A threat to the Dreaming; a threat that must be eliminated for my realm to remain intact."

"Then show me how to stop appearing in others' dreams. Believe me or not, I don't want to hurt anyone or cause destruction; I only wanted to help. But if my actions cause any harm, I'll give it up right here and now."

"Even if you stop interfering with nightmares, your unexplained power is too great for me to allow you to live with it.” He replied. „Harmony must be maintained, and you, Rebecca Surrey... you disrupt the harmony."

He reached out to grab my shoulder, but I immediately recoiled. A dark shadow passed over his face as he saw me retreat.

"You do not want to challenge the Dream Lord," he said coldly. "You would not succeed. I’m only doing what I must to keep both my world and yours safe."

"I’m sorry then, Dreamlord" I replied, gathering all the strength inside me that had always helped me wake up, "but I just can’t let you do that. You will have to find another way."

I clenched my eyes shut, and when I opened them, I was lying in my own bed again, gasping for breath, overwhelmed with fear... with the mysterious man's statuesque face still etched in my memory.

[klm-zoflorr]

Incorrect quotes..... Parthogenesis

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: This revenge shit is very unrewarding it turns out. I have lost all my friends and am devoid of the sweet sweet burn of anger now that I've accomplished my goal. Everybody hates me. I'm not allowed less than 50 meters from a government building. Help.

Armin: I TOLD YOU SO!

Eren: Well, good for you!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: *driving down the road*

Hange, driving up the same road: *yelling out the window as she passes him* PIG!

Commander Magath: *yelling back at Hange* BITCH!

Commander Magath: *rounding next curb, he crashes into a hug pig in the middle of the road and dies*

Ymir Fritz, watching on: Ah, if men would just listen

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: "sex" literally isn't real. "ohhh i just had sex" you "had" sex? where did it go? did it grow legs and run away?? idiot

Marcoco: Stop saying sex when what you mean is gender!!

Connie: I had gender with your mom

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Are you sure this is legal?

Annie: Why, are you taping this?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: God I do not like a single thing about you

Zeke: Tell me more

Hange: This isn't sexting

Zeke: It's better than sexting tbh

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Mikasa getting ready for her date with Eren*

Levi: Tell him if he breaks your heart, I'll nail gun his.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.

Annie: Joke's on her. I'll ruin her fucking life.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: Connie, Sasha! How could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?!

Connie: It... It didn't take us the whole day...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: The bad news is you've lost a lot of blood

Sasha: What's the good news?

Hange: Well we've found most of it!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: *Calling the doctor* My wife is going into labor what do I do I have forgotten all of my medical training

Doctor on the other end of the call: Is this her first child?

Grisha: No this is her husband

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kuchel: You are so incredibly full of issues, you should do something about it! Go see a shrink, I don't know!

Kenny Ackerman: Oh yes!

Kenny: I've always been a big fan of head shrinking!

Kuchel: That's not-... That's not what it means...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?

Zofia: Why not?

Falco: Because you can't "C" in the dark...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kenny, at the therapist: Well, that is disappointing

Therapist: What is?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi, at Mikasa's funeral: I need a moment with her... Alone. Please.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Levi, leaning over Mikasa′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I'm not fooled by your cadaver palor and unnatural stillness. I know you’re not dead.

Mikasa: Yeah, no shit.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: Me and Annie, we get along fine in my beat up honda civic. We just don't have room to disagree.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: It's been hard not having Ymir around. I never thought I'd miss being waterboarded so much.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Annie and Porco on their first day as coast guards*

Boss: 7 people died on your watch today

Annie, looking off into the distance: Yes but the coast is fine

Porco:

Boss:

Porco: They were all very mean and refused to tip. So, we just threw them back in the water.

Annie: Also you only found seven. We killed a lot more.

Porco: Yeah, but you didn't have to mention that tho

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Therapist: Kenny, you have a problem verbalising your emotions

Kenny: Can't say I'm surprised

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: Love the train so much.... ...... I sit... ..... It goes........ ........ We arrive!!!!!

Connie: I understand that, but it still doesn't explain why we get to carry all the rails in 40 degree* weather while you sit in the shade and drink a monster energy on the rocks

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Carla: Can I have a private talk with you?

Grisha: Sure, as long as it’s not about tampons, because I just don’t understand them.

Hannes, wearing tampons as earplugs: How? It's so obvious what they're used for!

Carla: I asked for a PRIVATE talk with him!

Grisha: Oh, you just can't separate me and Hannes. We're a package deal!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Don't you think you're being a little dramatic about me letting your cactus die?

Floch: Dramatic? Perhaps a little.

Floch: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look out the window with a grimly satisfied expression.

Floch: I paid this skywriter a lot of money to write “Eren likes pineapple on pizza” in the clouds.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: The sexual tension between me and self-destruction

Kenny: Nothing has sexual tension with you, kid

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: You can diffuse any situation by saying, "are we about to kiss, right now?"

Historia: Eren, not only is that completely false and a ridiculous concept, but it's also not appropriate at all, we are at your trial for global genocide for fuck's sake-

Eren, leaning towards her: Are we about to kiss, right now?

Historia:

Historia, beet red: Nevermind.

Gabi: Can we PLEASE find another judge for this?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: I've got a joke for you. What's "Ereh" short for?

Armin: What for?

Jean: He's got little legs

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Im a lesbiab

Annie: Lesbiam

Annie: Less bien

Mikasa: Its okay take ur time

Annie: Girls

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Annie and me buried the hatchet, figured you could try doing the same?

Ymir: I don't bury hatchets

Ymir: I sharpen them.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I don't like being an adult

Carla: Yup I told you

Eren: You remember how you told me you put me in this world and you can take me out?

Eren: Take me out.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: So, you want to be the Sun in my life?

Jean: Yes.

Mikasa: Good, then stay 92,935,700 miles away from me

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Eren, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Eren: Well of course I have.

Eren: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Eren: It's boring.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. One for your foe, one for yourself.

Zeke: What a stupid fucking quote. I'm killing way more than two people idiot

Eren: Don't even bury them. Let them rot.

Zeke: Plus it's not like I'm gonna bury myself anyways? Why would I provide free cleaning labor like that

Eren: Maybe you're supposed to die in the grave?

Zeke: I'm not gonna dig myself a grave so someone can push me in and I can die as the biggest idiot that ever walked this Earth

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Udo, watching Gabi: If you were religious, that would be straight-to-hell behavior...

Gabi, putting scorpions in Zeke's dresser after he called her a shitty little kid: I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I do believe in Revenge

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin, about Eren: If karma doesn't hit you real quick, I fucking will.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: You know how in greek myths the people that die tragically sometimes get placed among the stars by the gods?

Colt: Yeah?

Falco: Call that a constellation prize.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, taking care of Reiner after he got injured: It's okay Braus, stay calm, stay calm

Reiner: My name isn't Braus, it's Braun

Sasha: I know, I'm talking to myself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Pieck sliding $5 to the zookeeper*

Pieck: Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Fun fact: Blueberries are the only fruit named after a color

Armin: Starfruit

Historia: So close! That's a shape <33

Mikasa: Orange

Historia: Try again! <3 The color orange is named after the fruit.

Connie: Grape! "Gra" for gray! 🍇🤲😊

Historia:

Jean: You also forgot blackberries

Sasha: You idiot, black isn't a color.

Gabi: What about raspberries

Ymir: Green beans?

Falco: Lemons!! ♥️🥰☺️

Reiner: Wait aren't berries not fruit?

Historia: You all are so fucking stupid.

Zeke: What about dragon fruit

Historia: I am going to stone you

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Connie: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Historia: Orange was first used to refer to the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until around 1000 years ago.

Eren: What was the color called before then?

Sasha: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hitch: "I'm kind of in a weird mental place right now" I say, as if there are times when I am not in a weird mental place

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Erwin, bleary eyed at 7am: Why are you opening all the windows?

Levi: We have to let air in

Erwin: But it's raining!

Levi: You're not made out of sugar, are you?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Eren getting into Mikasa's car*

Eren: Let's go

Mikasa: Uh... Uh... Hi? Nice to see you too?

*Armin getting into the backseat*

Armin: Wait, she's our Uber driver?

Mikasa: Uber driver? I thought we were going on a date, Eren!

Armin: I thought this was a guy's night out!

Eren: There's been a change of plans.

Mikasa: You could have just asked?? You didn't have to trick us?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: I'm not a 🚩 i'm more like a ⚠️ cause I do warn you, you just don't be listening

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I'm not a 🚩 I'm a 🏁 cause you winnin' over there

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I don’t know the first thing about fashion. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This titan? Not clothes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Thru the phone*

Erwin: Hey, I need your help, can you come back?

Hange: Uh, I can't, I'm buying clothes.

Erwin: Alright, well hurry up and come back to base.

Hange: I can't find them.

Erwin: What do you mean you can't find them?

Hange: I can't find them, there's only soup.

Erwin: What do you mean there's only soup?

Hange: It means there's only soup!

Erwin: Well then get out of the soup aisle!

Hange: Alright you don't have to shout at me!

*Silence*

Hange: There's more soup!

Erwin: What do you mean there's more soup?

Hange: There's just more soup!

Erwin: Go into the next aisle!

Hange: There's still soup!

Erwin: Where are you right now?

Hange: I'm at soup!

Erwin: What do you mean you're "at soup?"

Hange: I mean I'm at soup!

Erwin: What store are you in?

Hange: I'm at the soup store!

Erwin: Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?!

Hange: Fuck you!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: And then we'll be transported to the Paths dimension, and we'll meet Ymir Fritz, that's our long-dead ancestor...

Eren: I can barely tolerate the living, why would I want to commute with the dead?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Does necromancy only work on animals? What do you do if you accidentally necromancy a fence and then it starts growing branches?

Armin: WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU NECROMANCY A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO AND IT TURNS INTO AN ENTIRE PILE OF LIMES?

Armin: What if I accidentally necromancy a vaccine and then someone gets an armful of very live pathogen?

Armin: WHAT'S THE LIMIT ON DEADNESS? HOW RECENTLY DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO BE DEAD? COULD I NECROMANCY A DINOSAUR FOSSIL? WHAT IF I NECROMANCIED THE GROUND AND THEN DINOSAURS STARTED APPEARING?

Armin: WHAT IF I NECROMANCIED A LIMESTONE WALL AND IT JUST TURNED INTO A PILE OF MOLLUSCS? WHAT IF I MOLLUSCED A BUILDING? A MOUNTAIN?

Annie: Armin.

Annie: are u ok

Armin: NO

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt's contributions to meetings: What about the impact on civilian populations? Do we have enough ammunition, provisions in storage to not rely on outside help?

Falco's contributions to meetings: Do you think stars have feelings?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: It's been ten year since my beloved son Zeke died...

Zeke: I was never your beloved son! And quit telling people I'm dead!

Grisha: Sometimes it feels like I can still hear his voice...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: *wearing a shirt reading "cunt era"*

Eren: *wearing a shirt reading "I'm high as fuck and have a gun in my backpack"*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: The bad news is that you have a really rare disease

Rod Reiss: Oh, no. What's the good news?

Grisha: Well, you get to name it!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: What's a good starter vice for someone who wants to get into ruining their life?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Smarties

Yelena: Heroin and mass murder

Levi: You're both at very different ends of the spectrum yet I don't think either of you understood the question

Levi: The real answer is Erwin Smith

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, getting up in the middle of a meeting: Pieck and I are not longer dating

Pieck: Zeke, that's a horrible way to tell people that we got married

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: My mother and I spent some quality time together. Got our hands dirty.

Pieck: Gardening?

Zeke: Grave-digging.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Food trucks but instead of food, it's therapy and they're called automofeels

Rod Reiss: I know you're my last living descendant but with that kind of suggestions, I feel like I'd be better off picking a manged rat off the street

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed.

Yelena: But you do know better.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where I rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

Sasha: a dentist

Eren: I don't know what your dentist is doing to you but I think you need to go to the police

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Pieck is coming back with McDonalds*

Zeke, reaching for his happy meal: Sorry, but there's no "we" in "fries"

Pieck: But there is an "I" *she steals all of his fries*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: The feminine urge to be ominous & terrifying...

Hange: Mood

Mikasa: You are like if a moth was wearing clown shoes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: A fun fact about me is i have never forgiven anyone for anything

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bertholt: Have you ever been told you can be a bit intimidating?

Annie: Yes, every day of my life since kindergarten.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: Being alive is great because there are so many different great vegetables you can sauté. But then there are also The Horrors

Falco: So true

Falco: Actually no. This is weird.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Uri Reiss: What is a sex drive where is the sex going does it even have a licence

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi, to Erwin: You're gay because you like men

Levi: I'm gay because I hate women just a tiny bit more than I hate men. We are not the same.

Hange: Yaoi vs shounen

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: What’s it like being tall?

Historia: Is it nice?

Armin: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Reiner: I live in constant fear of the short people, who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I don't know whether to bail you out, Mikasa, you've been in jail three times.

Zeke: Dad, Eren is cheating.

Grisha: Calm down, son.

Zeke: You are supporting him just because he bought you a hotel on Park Place

Eren: Someone has to take care of him in his old age? Who is going to do it but me? You?

Mikasa: *slyly knocks the Monopoly board off the table����*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Hey girl ive been yearning for you the normal amount

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: Great. Here comes the woke mob to cancel me for killing and eating several people.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The 104th, Hange, Erwin, Levi, Grisha, Carla, Hannes wearing party hats, popping confetti cannons and cheering: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Eren: Uh. Thanks I guess?

Historia: You don't like being celebrated?

Eren: I prefer to be villified, my name invoking fear over a great cloud of darkness...

Carla: Muffins, Overlord?

Eren: Thamk you

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: I like you lets go to hell together

Sasha: Hell? More like HELL P!! Ahah

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rod Reiss: We need back-up with the military police!! Are you free?

Kenny: No actually, I am very expensive.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: Since when are drapes flammable?

Historia: Since always, Connie! Drapes have ALWAYS BEEN FLAMMABLE!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Parental figure: Don't go into the forest, it's full of lemon-stealing whores!

Teenage Hange: Ooh, spooky!

Teenhange: What specific parts of the woods are they in, so I can avoid them extra hard?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner, in front of Sasha's grave: Rip i was always into you

Sasha, popping out from behind a tree: ? Worst confession ever

Reiner: You're not dead??

Reiner: I lied

Reiner: You are nothing to me

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Gabi and Falco looking over the bones of Rod Reiss*

Falco: What happened to him?

Historia: Ah well, he tried to outpizza the Hut

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: I heard it's supposed to rain

Colt: Oh, yeah? But look at this sun!

Zeke:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Brr, getting a bit cold, uh?

Gabi: Yeah, it's supposed to rain later

Zeke:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Zeke passing through next to Magath adressing the kids*

Commander Magath: We're not gonna do the lesson outside today, it's supposed to rain

Zeke:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Galliard, mind helping me set up the tables outside for my mind reading scam?

Porco: Don't start this now, it's supposed to rain this afternoon!

Zeke: I heard it's never going to rain again.

Porco: What is the fucking matter with you

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I decided I'm actually not gonna break up with you over your corny jokes, Porco convinced me otherwise.

Zeke: What a re-LEAF. I should get you flowers. I know it STEMS from a place of love, now our relationship can BURGEON out of bounds.

Pieck: I changed my mind.

Zeke: Ok, but Porco avocated for me?? Really?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Zeke? What was that message you sent me?

*Shows him the phone, with a garbled texting mess on it that reads as follows: pleusr bereing qi 2 auffce chabi goht pik 🏹. shi went hair glleiteur pin. kiuk houry aim worrded*

Zeke: "Please bring the key to the office back, Gabi is threatening Pieck at gunpoint, she wants her glitter pen back and I seem to be the only one worried about it."

Annie: I read serial killer diaries with better punctuation than this

Zeke: But do you have the keys?

Annie: No.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: What about the bow emoji?

Zeke: They censored the gun on my phone

Annie: No, look there's the little water gun...

Zeke: It doesn't convey the urgency of the situation

Annie: Nothing in your message conveys the urgency of the situation since you need a degree in foreign languages to understand it

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: Do you have any children?

Dina Fritz: Yes, I have one that's just under two.

Commander Magath: I know how many one is

Commander Magath: Is he big enough to man a cannon yet

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Be myself?? The person who got me into this mess???

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: Will I find a purpose?

Annie, posing as a fortune teller: No.

Ymir: u didn't do the thing with the cards

Annie: *flips one card, maintaining eye contact* No.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: *unbuttoning shirt* Oh my god, it's hot as hell in here.

Yelena: Yes, but why are you unbuttoning my shirt?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: You into cars?

Ymir: Yes, it truly was a masterpiece of a film

Connie: No i mean are you a cars person

Ymir: I'm a human.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: I tried making my own Red Bull with crushed up caffeine pills, twenty-one shots of expresso, carbonated licorice water and gummy vitamins. The doctor said I'm lucky to be alive.

Connie, 24 hours before: I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and am fighting my own soul. I'm winning by the way.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: i am at a loss for words to describe how absolutely stupid this plan was!

Sasha, narrating: Despite being at a loss for words, the Captain yelled at us for the next thirty minutes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Hange getting ready to go on an expedition in the titan forest*

Hange: If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there's a good chance I'm enjoying myself.

Levi: ...figured that one out

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa, when Eren leaves for Zeke's side: You're leaving me? I'm coming with you.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: What's the difference between Reiner and a magnet?

Gabi: A magnet has a positive side!

Reiner: Ah-Ah. Very funny.

Falco: A magnet would have laughed at this quality joke!

Reiner: I wish I were an household item

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: You know, you look pretty fit yourself. What do you play?

Erwin: Anybody that gets close enough.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mr. Xaver: I'm sorry Zeke, your dad was pronounced dead

Zeke: *tearing up*

Zeke: I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time??!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: I tried your "salad" thing today, and Ew. I only ate one of those red and white nasty apple things, and I couldn't handle it after.

Pieck: Radishes, Historia

Historia: Mini dirt apples

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kenny the Boomer, looking at his dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch, lovingly, to Eren: You inspire me to be so much worse

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch, interviewing people: What do you want for Christmas?

Annie: Uhhh... for me to be alive

Levi: You know those microfibers cloths they have at big stores?

Historia: I just want Captain Levi to have a great time. Cause, he's been really really sad and angry lately. And you know, that's all I really need, more happiness in the world.

Connie: I'll say I want a big booty hoe, sitting on my face right now. Blrrr!

Sasha: Free weed!

Eren: Uhhhh.... World peace

Mikasa: Dick

Hange: *Pouring everyone a big glass of her special cocktail* Mental stabilityyyy baby!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: I'd roast you, but my mom says you can't burn trash.

Jean: *moon-walks out of the room*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded dilapidated training camps, taught by people whose dreams were crushed years ago, but I admire the sadism.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: I've tried some eyeliner, thoughts?

Floch: Sorry but someone already has swag in this enimity and it's ME

Yelena: You? Cool? You are like if a moth was wearing clown shoes.

Floch: Where did you even hear that expression

Yelena: Idk

Floch: Well you look like you could stab someone with these anyways

Yelena: The clown shoes?

Floch: The eyeliner.

Yelena: That's the goal

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke organising a play about his life: Porco, I think you should play the role of my father.

Porco: I don't want to be your father??

Zeke: That's perfect, you already know your lines!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: I don’t know why I do the things I do. Never did. I’m a damn mystery to myself. It makes my existence... Exciting, you know. You never know what's gonna happen. Am I going to jail, am I getting a medal for bravery? Am I driving on the highway at three in the morning to ruin my life and everybody in this town's again??

Ymir: Are you gonna get caught, cooked and eaten by a random girl in the woods?? Who the hell knows.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Porco, in his jock attire, yelling at the tv*

Bertholt: You're yelling like the players are actually gonna listen to you

Porco: You're in love with a girl who doesn't even know you exist

Bertholt:

Bertholt: Never talk to me again

*Bertholt goes to his room to try and glue back the shattered remains of his ego*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: I think my dad never loved me.

Zeke: HA! Loser. I always KNEW my dad never loved me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, leaving the Training Corps in s2 to go save her family: There I go side questing again!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on the plane?

Armin: Yes, but I'm not that kind of...

Flight attendant: The pilots are debating the merits of the terminologies of "the dark ages" vs. "late antiquity" vs. "the early middle ages".

Armin: Okay. I'm here.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bertholt: Annie... I need to tell you something.

Annie: Alright?

Bertholt: You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in and you're out, you're up then you're down, you're right when it's wrong, you... I guess what I want to say is you're incredible and I care about you. You're so good... At everything. I deeply admire you. I could get lost in the blue of your eyes, I feel like I'm flying when I look at you. Your hair is a golden crown, which you deserve because you are a queen. Your laugh is rare and dry like an oasis in the desert, it's the only thing in the world that can quench my thirst. What I'm trying to say is... I love you.

Annie: Alright.

Bertholt:

Annie: Thanks. You... Uh... You always fill a room with your presence... Like a stately sequoia tree.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: *sees a ghost* omg are you dead

Ghost Gabi: Of corpse

Ghost Gabi: The other ghosts said they'll beat my ass because of this joke. Grave mistake.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: Oh yes, my uncle is out of town, said something about tying up loose ends?

Uri Reiss:

Kenny: *tying up the ends of a black bag filled with a dead body*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Gabi:

Gabi: I don't think you know what this sentence means

Gabi: But yes, it's a gun.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: Are you alright?

Historia: I'm fine.

Connie: No, but really?

Historia: I mean yeah i carry around an immense sadness that destroys my will to live more and more everyday but like im fine

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Erwin: I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

Erwin: But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: We have an issue. Most of your bleeding is internal.

Marcel: Well, isn't that good news?! That's where the blood is supposed to be anyways!

Pieck: I don't think it's in the benefit of humanity as a whole to try to save him...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: I act as if I don't care if people dislike me. But deep down? I secretly enjoy it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yes, do believe good cop/bad cop is the essence of the MikAnnie dynamic

Yes, I know titans aren't supposed to leave bones behind. I'm gonna need you to get allll the way off my back about this!

Yes, I did watch the Wednesday series recently. It's a good show, innit? Full of punchy one-liners!

Yes, this end note is getting entirely too repetitive.

Yes, there's more?

*: 104° F for you eagle people

[marissasfacility]

Unknown Grudge

TW: Violence

Today, Musa got a day off work! How awesome!

Evidently, he was happy about this. He drummed his fingers on the table, not bored as he would usually be while waiting for lunch.

Adam watching him intently, his face bright as he put down his book. "Wow, Musa! You look happy today!" He commented cheerfully.

"Why, of course. It's not every day I get to do nothing!" Musa replied, leaning forward so his head was on the table. He looked up at Adam, his eyes boring into the other teenager's, and then quickly sat upright. "And you just happened to tag along. I would be fine without you!" He pretended to be annoyed. Adam looked crestfallen. "Should I go..?"

"No, no. It's okay! I.. Don't mind that much, actually." He quickly amended his fault, scanning over the menu. "Oh, wow, haha. These food options all suck."

"Actually, I think they look good- wait, if you didn't like the menu, why did you-?"

"EXCEPT the one i ordered! Hah!" Musa slammed the menu down and looked to the side, his ears upright and rigid. "Wow, look at the time. That chef takes ages. Why did they let him volunteer again?" He complained, trying to find something to complain about that Adam wouldn't shoot down. He failed. "It's been five minutes." Was the other boy's innocent reply.

He was about to try to find something else to complain about, when he caught the eye of a girl staring at him. She had blue hair tied in loose pigtails and green eyes that were narrowed in his direction. She was also sitting alone, L, and hadn't touch the plate of food in front of her. How long had she been staring at him!? That was creepy - Musa didn't like that!!

"Hey! What are you staring at!?" He shouted, standing up and thrusting both hands on the table. Adam jumped and nervously looked over his shoulder at the girl.

"Mind your own business!" The girl shouted back, angrily biting into her sandwich. Who went out to eat for just a sandwich!? That was weird behaviour.

Soon enough, their lunch was delivered. Musa stared at his food, took a bite, then spoke. "This is gross." He commented, thinking about how good it was. He really liked this food.

"Oh.. Wanna swap?" Adam asked, tilting his head worriedly. Musa shook his head quickly. "No! No, it's fine." Even if he didn't like his food, which he did, he wouldn't swap with Adam. He hated soup. Ugh, why would people drink liquid and call it food?? That was just dumb. He continued to down his very fancy salad, then glanced once again at the girl. She was still staring at him, despite her sandwich being finished. Again, who ordered sandwiches at a restaurant? What kind of psycho would do that? Ew.

Adam looked at Musa with wide eyes. "Um, what's wrong?" He asked, reading the expression on the older teen's face. "That girl keeps staring at me. I'm gonna tell her what I think of t-"

He didn't get the chance to do so. The girl got up and stiffly walked towards him, putting her hands on her hips. "You." She hissed.

What a bad entry line. Musa could do better. Unfortunately, the idiot girl didn't give him a chance to start the.. 'Conversation'.

"Um- Guys?" Adam quickly got up and stood between the two. Musa guessed he could sense the fight that was evidently going to start with this.. Child. Well, Adam couldn't do anything, anyway. Musa was the one with murder training. The child probably couldn't do much either.

Of course, as said, Adam 100% couldn't do anything. He was just pushed to the side by the girl, who thrust her face close to Musa. "You. Do you think I'd forget?" Her voice was low. Musa folded his arms. "Considering I've forgotten, yeah. Forgive and forget, that's my motto." That was not his motto.

In response, the girl pushed Musa out of his chair, catching him off guard. He fell on the floor. Wow, he didn't think she'd pull the starting move. He knew there'd be a fight, but... He didn't think she'd have the guts to attack him first!

Once he was on the ground, the girl launched herself on top of him and began to repeatedly punch his face. People turned to look at them. Adam was trying to break them apart, but too afraid to enter the conflict himself.

Better not, he'd be torn to shreds. Probably by me. Would probably be an accident. Musa thought to himself, pushing the girl off of him, grabbing her by the collar and flinging her into the table. She hit her head. Ooooh, that's gonna hurt! He thought again with glee.

Apparently, though, the girl still had some fight in her. She got up, rubbed the back of her head and flung herself back at Musa. "Wow, you're really bad at fighting." He commented, holding her back by placing his palm on her forehead and keeping her there. While she decided to bite his hand, Musa simply laughed. "It's almost impressive how little you're hurting me right now."

"Shut up!" The girl screeched, pushing his hand away (with all the strength she could muster) and trying to kick him. Musa sidestepped her attack. This was getting boring. He sighed, deciding he'd end this now.

Easily twisting around the girl, Musa clung onto her neck and pushed her towards the floor, landing a solid punch onto her head. That definitely knocked her out. Well, it was a noble effort. He still didn't know why she was so angry, but oh well. Didn't matter.

As the heat of the fight bleeding out of his mind, he looked up. People were staring. Adam was looking at him with a pained expression. Musa didn't get it.

"What?"

Adam: beating up children is wrong:(

Musa: okay your point?

[admirange]

Mcl style contest outfit dump pt. 7

Bloodlust

I will NOT give up on a perfect Cassandra Dimitrescu outfit. Still not great but I thought I'd try again since I already have more clothes than last time. This is a Dimitrescu cosplay evolving series, I will try again in the future, that's for sure.

Got really low ranking with it

Fearless

I wanted to do Eowyn but I don't have blonde wigs sooo I looked up fearless female characters in movies. Ripley from Alien was my first choice but I don't have a hair for her either. So Katniss Everdeen was my final pick. Still just heavily inspired, I don't think she's recognizable. The mockingjay outfit was the inspo. This was the most threatening outfit for Taki so that's what she got.

Got really low ranking with it

Black cauldron

I got bored from the fantasy clothes so a modern day witch was my goal here. Not much to say about it.

Got low ranking with it

Broken

I guess a lot of people will go into this direction but I also made a broken doll. I didn't like using so much items from the same pack though:/ Tried to go in a different direction with the new doll dress and a shared item vampire bank outfit skirt. I didn't like it for this theme, but maybe for a future one it can work? Well, if someone shares the skirt again of course. So yeah, I sticked with the original idea.

Got low ranking with it

Spellbound

A witch, again? Of some sort. All white because it's pretty shiny and you can't take your eyes off of it or something. A lot is happening here, I feel bad for putting not just the cauldron but even the sparkles?? I hate how every winner uses it for literally no reason so I usually avoid it (I don't have to, I just don't feel the need to use it most of the time) but sometimes it just fits my vision.

Got low ranking with it

Forgotten tomb

I, again, made this with my friend and mostly put everything on she liked. We went for a rich dead, she said it's lowkey giving Egyiptian vibe, but idunno. We went to vote afterwards and we did see an AMAZING mummy, superliked it. I don't know who you are but I hope hope hope you'll get on the podium. It's a shame I have to vote for the same shitty butterfly outfit 10 times in a row but these treasures only come up once, twice if lucky:/

Got low ranking with it

Wear your heart on your sleeve

Well we say it as like "what's on their heart is on their mouth" and it's always the brutally honest people. So I didn't do a cutesy outfit, honesty can often be hard to face. That's why I made a more rebellious outfit/character.

Got low ranking with it

This is me

The iconic The greatest showman music 😩 no but I wanted to do Golden Freddy from fnaf bc I thought it would be great as they always say "it's me". But I barely have a few yellow stuff so no, that did not work out. Also I can make myself, but wasn't sure so went to vote to take a look what others did. I saw people (probably) making themselves, so I did too. Well, tried. I didn't base my candy off of me, so the items I have are not exactly the wardrobe I have. Still tried and did a decent job. Also tried to recreate my room the best as I could. (Yes I dress very dark but my fav colors are actually red & pink 😔)

Got low ranking with it (didn't know I was playing with magical girls that attract butterflies!)

Obsidian guard

The obsidian guard's colors are like grey (silver), orange, yellow, red, brown... stuff like that? I don't really have grey stuff so I used white. Idk how fantasy looking it is, I don't think it's that bad.

Got low ranking with it

Laziness

The thought process was simply a cold, lazy weekend when you just play games, watch movies and drink coffee all day.

Got low ranking with it

Pilot

Well the flying high pack really just speaks for itself. Still, tried to use/implement items from different packs as well.

Got well ranked with top 16%

Plush

White & pink stuff, preferably softer looking ones. Not proud of the unnecesary sparkles but I really need like 10 gems asap so I'm willing to give up my pride for a few days😩

Got low ranking with it (sold my soul for nothing😔)

Moon warrior

Basic ass fantasy clothes in white because atp I'm beginning to not care that much lmaoo

Got well ranked with top 8% (I actually did it with this ugly ass outfit! But I still need 5 gems to go😔)

Clown

Now we did a clown already but it was a spooky clown. This one is a normal clown which isn't supposed to be spooky. I would be proud, if not for the fucking sparkles, which is a funny thing to say since I was the one who put it there; but you see, I am so desperately in need for 10 bloody gems I'm willing to do almost anything. Of course, I know damn well I will not receive those, so deep down I have no idea why do I even bother ruining my outfits with them. Maybe I should put 5 items in my candy's hand and that'll do the trick. But I'm not that desperate yet. Maybe tomorrow I will be.

Got really low ranking with it (bruhhhh😭)

Casino

Looked up casino outfits and just did something similar to what I got. It's neat imo, although I'm still trying with those damned ugly ass sparkles. I can stop soon because I'm starting to see there's no way in hell I can get those 10 bloody gems before the new episode comes out.

Got well ranked with top 30%

Anger

Red & black for obvious reasons. Now that I have some new stuff from the halloween event I can't let go of them. Put the doll thingy on there because like- "controlled by anger" yk? Maybe it's a reach and it was a stupid idea.

Got well ranked with top 25%

Gluttony

I think we already had this theme? Or something similar. Anyway went for the candy look again. Can't say I'm proud because there's too much going on. BUT I'm free from the sparkle hell. The cauldron shows that there's something cooking in there.

Got well ranked with top 22% (why do my shittiest outfits get well ranked)

Back to school

Okay I had the must fun with this since a long time ago! No "color codes" just a cute school oriented outfit. I'm happy with how it turned out!

Got low ranking with it

Greed

Oh my god I spent so much time on this. First I put all jewelries on the character, THEN the clothes. There's 4 bags on her because that's the greediest shit ever lmao. So so so much going on, I think it fits this theme (kind of a nod to those who always have a billion different accessories on their entries). But also what's up with the seven deadly sins themes lately? It would be so fucking funny is someone dressed up as a bee

Got well ranked with top 8% (oh my god💀💀 it's the cringiest thing ever to get well ranked with a shit like this, I feel like the people who make these unironically – on the same note, sad to see the trump cosplay so below)

Sepia memory

I have to admit I had to look it up. Sad thing is, I don't really have brown stuff either, but tried to make the best of what I have. The lore is a nice little vacation on the beach, that's all.

Got low ranking with it

Hollywood star

I'm not into celebrity shit so I thought about fictional characters. First was Maxine Minx, but I don't have blonde wigs. Then I realized I welcomed The substance amongst my favourite movies and decided to make Elizabeth Sparkle - for Sue I think I'd need the plastic life pack. The spiky wit (is that the name?) background would've been PERFECT but I don't have that either:/ I think I'll get really low ranking with it but I hope some people will recognize her at least.

Got really low ranking with it (still worth it😩)

Light guard

White because light and buh I am so tired of fantasy themes I'm doing the same ones over and over again and the same people win with the same dresses over and over again LET ME DRESS UP AS A LAWYER DAMN IT (I'm losing it)

Got well ranked with 10th place (🤦‍♀️ pls beemoov hurry up with that voting system fix, I can't do it anymore)

The sixth sense

I call it, the magical girl with the magical flying book will win. I tried to do more of a ghost hunter if that makes sense. The movie Loraine Warren was the inspo. Ugly ass sparkles because let's pretend those are orbs.

Got really low ranking with it (who whould've thought😬)

Envy

Ugh stop with the seven deadly sins I hate them😭 the fantasy clothes fairy butterfly girls always win anyway, it's no funnn. Also fucking yellow as yellow from jealousy. I hate yellow. Okay anyway, it's sort of like an evil queen from Snow White but with a modern touch?

Got low ranking with it

Pyjama party

These are the themes I like!!! So although I can't really say much about it, I enjoyed doing it!

Got well ranked with top 25%

Banished knight

Back at the fantasy themes again. Did a knight that's on her way in the wild, just wandering and hanging around.

Got low ranking with it

Nature walk

I like this theme too. The ones that can be easily done with "modern clothes" are the best imo. I'm not f2p, but I think themes that can be done with the free clothes too are the best. October as a whole was a nightmare, I pretty much started to heavily dislike fantasy themes because of that. And I'm saying it as a person who HAS fantasy clothes. Themes like this actually give a slightly more chance for f2p to get higher rankings. I am so so so tired of the same people winning with the same outfits. I wouldn't mind those people winning, if they didn't just copy & paste their entries in different colors every single time. It's so predictable at this point.

Got low ranking with it

Sleeping beauty

I don't really have pink stuff but I do have a lot of white, so that's what I used. Also this is the only blonde wig I have but I think it fits well.

Got well ranked with top 12%

Bling bling

I had 0 idea what bling bling meant so I looked it up, google said it's stylish clothes & flashy jewelries, pinterest gave me very different variations. I saw quite a lot of early 2000s vibes so with the room I went in that direction, for the clothes, I don't know. Tried to do stylish with expensive jewelries but idk if I nailed it or not? I don't have sparkly clothes so. Honestly no idea if I did good or not.

Got low ranking with it

Furballs

I know people call animals like this but I don't have the animal ear/tail, so I searched furball outfits and it gave that typical fur outfit americans think slavic women usually wear. So I went in that direction.

Got low ranking with it

Thank you for reading and/or looking through my creations!

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Nine, Part 5

Once the apartment was quiet, Addison pulled me back towards her room. I was confused, but followed her with a kind of morbid curiosity. My thoughts, like always, were working against me, and all I could think was that she had finally gotten sick of my weirdness. My quiet and antisocial attitude was pretty hard to deal with, and I fully understood that. I was almost waiting for this to happen.

As she opened the door, her cat came running out. It stopped and looked at me, meowed once and then headed off towards the kitchen.

Addison sat on her bed and pulled me down next to her. I was about to say something before she planted her lips on mine. All I could taste was the mixture of her sweetness and whiskey. Honestly, it wasn't that bad of a combination, and reminded me of drinking old fashioned up by my mom's place.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" She asked again, watching me closely. I belted down even harder on not showing the anxiety I had almost forgotten about.

"I'm cool. It'll be fun. Besides, then I can meet your crowd." I responded with a smile. "Is that really why you wanted to wait a bit?"

She looked at me with a kindness washing over her face. There was that twinkle in her eye that made my heart skip more than one beat. I kept forgetting how beautiful she was.

"Kind of. Did you want to stay here afterwards?"

I looked at her with growing confusion. I had stayed here a few times and couldn't figure out why she was asking. Of course I'd want to stay. I slept better with her next to me. I still found it very odd she asked about it.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I finally spit out.

"I don't know. I just kind of want you here tonight."

"Is there something I don't know? Are you okay?"

She smiled her perfect smile. "I'm perfectly fine. Just thought I'd toss the invite to you."

I pulled her close in a one armed hug, and kissed her forehead. "I will take any chance I get to stay by you."

Addison's face lit up like a firework show. Her teeth shined in her smile and I couldn't help but catch the contagious bug that was her joy. I found myself grinning from ear to ear.

"Partially. I kind of wanted to talk to you about something, and I have just enough alcohol in me to actually talk about it." She fiddled with her hands as she spoke.

"This sounds like it might be something important," I replied.

"It kind of is. I just don't want you to take it the wrong way, or to offend you."

"Not only am I interested, but I'm also confused." And I was. The biting panic was back and the anxiety was making my heart beat right out of my chest, like the old cartoons.

"I think we should get tested," she said, without any spaces between her words. I tilted my head to the side, like a confused hound.

"Tested? What do you mean?"

"You know. Tested." She emphasized the word again, and gave me a hopeful look that I'd figure out what she was talking about. And then it hit me.

"Oh. Oh! Ok, wow. Right over my head." I motioned with my hand flying over my head. "Yeah, we can do that. That's cool."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah, it's a good idea. I've never been tested before. I mean, it can't hurt right"

A look of relief washed upon her face. I hadn't noticed the anxiety she wore until it melted away, like wax in a fire.

"For real?" Addison said, her voice inflicting upwards.

"Yeah, definitely. Why did you think I would take it or wrong or be offended?"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was saying that you had something, or that I was calling you a whore."

I couldn't help myself and I was howling with laughter. She looked at me confused, but I couldn't stop. Soon my breaths weregasps of air as I laughed,

"Seriously? You thought that I'd think that? Addison, my dear, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. I haven't slept with anyone in a long time. I know you weren't saying anything like that," I said as I tried to catch my breath.

"Fair point," she said and then she was laughing with me. When we finally calmed down, I looked at her, falling in love with her all over again. I kissed her softly and I almost let the words slip from my mouth. Somehow I managed to have the willpower to not say those three little words.

Instead, I hopped up off the bed and held out my hand.

"C'mon, let's go get drunk with strangers," I said.