#it really is just. wild reading all of that and then also seeing myself spiral into guilt wondering if i was making it all up

[miodiodavinci]

more importantly i've reached the part of my archive immediately after everything horrible came to pass and the leech basically had full run of the house because no one had any authority to stop her and i'm just 👁 👁

it really is wild to read my personal, in-the-moment recounts of her committing and saying the most heinous, vile shit and then also see myself saying "what if i'm being irrational ; ; ; what if this is actually all my fault actually ; ; ;

i've been going through my twitter and working on cleaning out old irrelevant rants (like all the times i complained about my art or went on and on about how sick i was of ace discourse) and personal life details that no one really needs to know (dealing with the leech and fighting with siblings) and just

it really is so so clear that i have adhd and have difficulty regulating my emotions skdfhgls

[thesophistiicate]

hey im 20 year old female. recently i have recognised that i practice negative self talk a lot. any advices how could i stop or atleast reduce it?

how to cure negative self talk 🤍💭

the way we speak to ourselves can majorly impact our self worth and ability to reach our goals. i remember when i first tuned into my inner monologue… i was shocked and disgusted at how horribly i was speaking to myself all day every day. i had no idea! so i began researching how to stop it and implementing as much as i could. it definitely takes a lot of active work but i’m happy to say that years later i currently hardly ever have negative thoughts about myself (or others) anymore, and when i do it’s really easy to catch and deal with.

1. tune into your thoughts

it’s common for negative thoughts to run wild through our minds without us actually even noticing. the first step is to take some time to tune in and really notice what you’re thinking. the best time to do this is in “trigger” moments, like when you’re stressed, facing something challenging, looking at yourself, reflecting on a social interaction etc. how you talk to yourself in these moments will be very revealing.

2. actively reframe negative thoughts

flip any negative thought you have into an opposite, positive thought and/or speak to yourself with compassion and nurture. a common one for me when i was stressed while working and feeling stuck was “ugh i’m so stupid!” i changed it to “i’m smart and capable of solving problems”. it will feel silly at first but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. with time you won’t have the negative thoughts at all.

3. journalling/writing morning pages

morning pages are from “the artist’s way”, which i recommend everyone read and try at least once in their life. but you write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts first thing in the morning (ideally). no self editing, anything that crosses your mind goes down. this is where a lot of your deep negative thoughts tend to spew out, and this allows you to see them, confront them, and view them as the silly little thoughts they are. your negative thoughts are from shame and fear; you need to express them and get them out. shame thrives in darkness but will shrivel under the light.

4. practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment

so often we spiral into negativity due to overwhelm. guided meditations helped me a lot (you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, insight timer etc). you’re essentially trying to re-wire your automatic brain response so you need to be able to stop running on autopilot and actually tune into what’s happening inside by gaining some control over your thoughts. it’s literally like training a muscle so is difficult at first, but you get better at it the more you do.

5. eliminate distractions and consider a dopamine detox

we numb and distract ourselves in a variety of ways. whether it’s constantly surrounding ourselves with people, scrolling social media, binge watching tv, over-using substances or other indulgences etc… these things are fine in moderation (and actually can be necessary to overall wellbeing, i think being constantly self aware can also drive you crazy and you’re allowed to have a break) but take note of how often you are actually numbing yourself out and promoting disconnection with your mind. you need to be able to face your thoughts.

6. notice how you think about others, too

i’ve mentioned before one of my worst qualities to overcome was the fact i could be very judgemental and arrogant. i actually found this was directly related to my negative self perception - after all, what we think about others is usually actually just a projection of how we feel about ourselves, our insecurities, our fears. so i also made an effort to stop judging others and instead find positives to focus on. this worked so well to overall retrain my mind toward positivity (and also started attracting much more healthy and positive relationships into my life too).

and consider tailored support if necessary

if you struggle with any of the steps on your own, a therapist, counsellor, coach, or other professional may able to be help with more personalised guidance 🤍

[thevegandarkelf]

2024 Wrapped

GIF by me, dividers by @anitalenia

I wouldn’t call this a yearly wrap-up as I’ve only been posting since October 1st, but here we are.

Wow, 2024’s been a hell of a year professionally, personally, and on here. I started writing again for the first time since the pre-pandemic days, had my 5-year anniversary with my partner, found myself in this lovely little corner of the fandom & made some new friends along the way. After only writing OC content my whole life, I finally took the leap and started doing x Reader content, and that’s been fun so far. It’s been a wild few months.

No one asked for this part, but I figured I'd give a little bit of an origin story as to how the hell I even ended up here.

I hatched an idea one day, that idea being the existence of my sweet little angel Vec (Lydia Vector). She just popped into my brain one day after having not thought about TWD in ages. Then my brain said “she’s gonna be Daryl’s love interest.” And after not having done any writing in years (I started creative writing when I was 14), I said “well…guess I’m doing this now.” So I began posting on AO3 and Wattpad and eventually made my way over here. And it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you found me on here from reading my content on another platform, thank you, and I'm happy to have you here.

When I first started posting on here, I felt like a teeny, tiny drop in a sea full of big names (probably because I was) (I still feel that), and that was intimidating enough to almost make me stop altogether. But I've met some of the best people through this app, and I feel like I finally found a little corner of the internet where I belong.

Shout-outs to the homies:

@francisofthespook you were one of my first followers, and I still remember when I came on one day and saw that you had binged a bunch of my content & how happy that made me. Thank you for suggesting creative content for me to do (like create playlists & the whole NSFW alphabet thing we did). I adore you 💙

@holdmytesseract Maddie, you are such a sunny, bright presence on this app, and I’m beyond honored that I get to call you one of my mutuals. You leave some of the sweetest comments I've ever received, and I’m excited to (hopefully) become friends 🧡

@gothic-pumpkin I can’t express how happy I am that I reached out to you. When I saw we had the same taste in music and men (Norm characters lmao), I knew we would be friends. Our conversations always make my day 🤎

@weirdoneattheparty you are such a light & so kind, friendly, and welcoming to everyone in this space. You're also such icon for those audios you manage to find and make all crispy and clear, I love you for that (and more ofc) 💛

@negansbestie you are truly one of the sweetest and most friendly people I’ve met on this app. You always have the nicest things to say, and seeing you in my activity tab always makes me smile 🤍

And last, but certainly not least, @dixons-sunshine. God, where do I even begin with Krys? She is my favorite writer on this app & was the first person I really admired on here. I remember thinking "damn, if she even looked at something of mine, just once I would feel like the coolest person ever." And then we became mutuals and I thought "it'd be so cool to be friends with her, she seems awesome." Then I made a simple comment, talking about how my OC (Vec) and hers (Georgie) would definitely be besties in an alternate universe, thinking nothing would come of it. And that one comment spiraled into an entire AU and a beautiful friendship. Krys is one of the most down-to-earth, kind, supportive, funny people I've had the pleasure of knowing. It's crazy to me that I can just text you whenever, whether it AU planning or just random life shit. And thank you for showing me how to make cool shit to make my blog look sick and make cool things for our AU. I love you sm 💜

I'm also honored to be getting to know @angelwings-crossbowstrings, @lazyneonrabbitt, @deansapplepie, @dixondystopia, @enlightndone & @shadowcitrine. You're all lovely, and thank you for being such welcoming presences in this little corner of the internet 💚

And of course, our Royal Council, aka our ‘Quarters of the Undead’ readers/taglist people: @kat-herine00 @gothic-pumpkin @weirdoneattheparty @negansbestie @ffsjustletmesleep @holdmytesseract This AU is still in its infancy, and we have so much planned. Thank you for joining us on this journey so early on ❤️

Works I'm most proud of:

Finding Myself, Finding You (the fic that started it all)

Lydia Rae Vector, OC profile (naturally, I'm most proud of my little unhinged baby angel)

Flattery: Daryl Dixon & Fem!Reader (first attempt at x Reader content)

Something Good (first installment in the QOTU AU)

Thank you all for some of the best months of this year. I love you all, and I'm excited to see what happens in 2025 🖤

[deansapplepie]

Till THE DEAD do us part |Chapter 13

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story. This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Chapter 12 Chapter 14

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Chapter 13: This group’s broken

Summary: Randall is still a problem the group needs solve and come to an agreement about. The happenings of the barn is still something shaking some people. Feelings and traumas from the past comes to haunt Y/N making her anxiety boil and overthink a lot.

Warnings: swearing, angst, death, mentions of violence, gore, suicide attempt (not narrated, but mentioned), mentions of depression, mentions of torture, mentions of execution, traumas, anxiety, mentions of abusive relationships, fear of abandonment, brief discreet mentions of sex, loss, grief. Minors do not interact.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader (Rick’s Sister)

Word Count: 5,834

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with love. Also, there’s a bunch of warnings in this one but there’s also fluff, comfort and a bit of fun.

Finally Randall’s leg was well enough so he could survive alone in the wild that was Earth now, so Rick and Shane would carry him miles away from the farm and release him. You weren’t very happy about Rick going alone with Shane.

“Let me go with you, please.” You pleaded Rick for the millionth time, Shane wasn’t someone reliable anymore, you couldn’t risk losing your brother again and have Shane coming back with some lame excuse how he made for Otis.

“Y/N, I’m the one here with self defense skills, not you. I can handle myself well without you. I need you here.” Rick said, and that would be the last time he would tell you, he was losing his temper already. “No discussion.”

“Be careful, please. He’s dangerous.” You hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll be, don’t worry. I need this time alone with him. I’m coming back.” He assured you and hoped it would really turn out like this, because you could see the madness in his eyes, and by how we was obsessed with Lori… you didn’t doubt he would be able to do atrocities even to his ‘brother’.

After they left, you couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling you had on the pitch of your stomach. You were going to help around in the farm and in the house, but your mind couldn’t stop the worry. You were giving the horses water when you heard a knock on the stables door, you look to your side and you saw Daryl. As much as the idea of scaring you was tempting enough, he chose not to do so.

“Just wanted to let ya know I’m gonna hunt, maybe bring somethin’ good.” He approached you.

“Ok, be careful, please and don’t come back late. I’m already worried enough by Rick.” You said, then looked both sides and didn’t see anyone around. You tiptoed and pecked his lips.

He blushed, he had been doing way more than this with you and he blushed because you gave him a small kiss inside a stable where the only witnesses were the horses. He knew you were worried about Rick being alone with Shane, things between you and Shane had gone bad since the day of the happenings of the barn and it was just going down. When Daryl told you one night that he thought Shane had killed Otis, things spiraled really quick and you started seeing Shane with different eyes, many attitudes from him made sense actually. He wasn’t the person that you used to know anymore.

“Dun worry. Rick’s tough, he basically came back from the dead, nothing bad is happening to him.” He said, he could practically read your mind and know everything you were thinking about it.

“And you?”

“Me too. I’m gonna be careful. I promise, I’ll be back in one piece.” He gave you a quick kiss, you said your goodbyes and you went back to your chores.

Lori was inside the house helping with the chores and also helping Maggie taking care of Beth. She was still not good, she was in a state of depression that got all of you worried. Lori was preparing a lunch for Beth, so you were around the kitchen with her and Maggie. Maggie was talking about Glenn with Lori, you decided to not participate of the conversation, but you were listening to everything. Lori was more experienced on the topic of relationships, you knew what was good or not, but just theoretically. Until now you had had just one boyfriend before Daryl and it was a shitty experience, so you didn’t know if you had something wise to say even though you were older than Maggie. You thought it was a bit too much when Lori said that Glenn should man up, imagine saying it to the young man, he would be sad or really offended, or both.

“Glenn is just scared, he’s a good guy. You’re probably his first love, I can’t say it for sure, but that’s what it seems. He’ll overcome this fear of him. Don’t worry.” You passed an arm on Maggie’s shoulder and gave a little squeeze on her arm to reassure her.

“And how about you and grumpy man? Have you already said the words?” She elbowed you playfully.

“Hmm… no. Not exactly. I don’t know if it’s like this.” You said, you were always reserved about your personal matters, always keeping everything to yourself, afraid to let people know your feelings or to be exposed and feel weak. But maybe, some girl talk wouldn’t be that bad. “He said the other day I was his and I also said it to him…” You paused thinking if you’d say the other thing that came to your mind to them.

“And…?” Lori asked. “We know there’s more. Spill it.”

“He… he said that his… you know… was mine.” You blushed instantly talking about it and thinking about it. Was it correct to tell such thing to others? You never knew what was ok, and what wasn’t, but it’s not like if you were telling all the sordid details of what you two did.

Lori made a face as if she was thinking ‘wow, the man really have some balls’ and Maggie just had a fit of giggles, giving you a side hug and squeezing you. “It’s almost the same thing as saying that 3 words.” Maggie observed.

“It isn’t, this is possessiveness which is normal in relationships even the healthy ones. But anybody can have this without love.” You told Maggie, she was young, probably didn’t have unhealthy relationships she wouldn’t know. You were maybe 8 or 9 years older than her, it was a different experience, especially with broken people.

“Well… everybody can see, but we can’t stop you from being stubborn. I need to go help Glenn, but if you need anything you can call me.” She said and then turned to Lori. “Thank you so much for helping with Beth.”

“It’s nothing really.” Lori said and got the tray to give lunch for Beth.

You stayed at the house and helped Lori at the kitchen, you washed some dishes and cleaned and organized the room. After one hour or so, Lori went to Beth’s room to get the tray back. She came back with untouched food, Beth couldn’t continue like that. When she was throwing away what Beth didn’t eat, she suddenly stopped and ran from the kitchen.

“What happened? Lori?” You asked her, but she was already gone. She came back a knife in hand and in a rush.

“Go and Keep an eye on Beth. I’m gonna bring Maggie or Hershel.” She said and left.

You left the kitchen and went to Beth’s room, on your way you put the pieces together and realized Beth had hidden the knife and was probably going to attempt something against herself. Soon Lori arrived with Maggie and Andrea, Maggie asked to be left alone with Beth and all of you went back to the kitchen.

You were trying to be in good terms with Andrea again, so you decided you’d try not to talk back at her when she said stupid things, even though they were talking about Beth. You just stayed there watching while they talked Andrea thought Beth should make her own choice, which is very different from what happened with her. Beth is just a kid and she’s not dying because she was bitten, so why let her commit suicide? She should be talked to and taken care of to help her get better. You bit your tongue trying to not express yourself, but you just couldn’t contain it when Andrea brought up the fact that Lori had her husband back, her child was saved, she had a baby on the way and had a ‘boyfriend’. And Andrea had to finish bringing you up in the middle of the thing, did you disagree with her? Yes. But did you say anything about it? No, just on your mind. So why bring you to the discussion?

“And you…” She pointed at you startling you at the suddenly call. “You have your brother, your nephew, a new nibling on the way and you’re fucking Dixon like rabbits, you would never understand.”

“Andrea, are you serious? I wasn’t even in the discussion. Why do you always involve me in your shit? You don’t get to speak like this to Lori, we had a lot of blessings, but we also suffered like everyone else. Do you think we were happy the whole time we thought Rick was dead? Or that it didn’t cross our minds that Carl was going to die? You think we didn’t suffer because of Amy, Jim, Jacqui, Sophia or all the others lost we had along the way?” She said everything she wanted to Lori and now she was going to listen to you. “And why do you mind who I fuck? You’re fucking Shane, and nobody told you a word. Mind your own business.”

You almost didn’t stop to breath while the words just came out of your mouth like a waterfall. “I wasn’t going to say anything regarding Beth, but she’s only sixteen. She’s a kid, we have to protect her and try to help her get better, and not encourage the way out. Andrea, I think we’re never going to be in good terms again, there’s no way. You’re not the same anymore.”

You left the house and went back to the camp, finding Carl and Luna playing with a stick. Carl had been acting colder and colder in the last days, it was good to see him being a kid, even if it was for a brief moment. You played a little with them, but to be honest you were still nervous about Andrea and worried about Beth.

After 30 minutes, maybe one hour, you didn’t know exactly, you heard a commotion in the house. You told Carl to stay there and ran to see what happened. When you arrived to the source Lori and Maggie had just opened the door to the bathroom and there was a crying Beth, hand on her bleeding pulse, asking for help and saying she was sorry. You learned Maggie had left Beth alone with Andrea and it was her biggest mistake, because she left the girl alone and God knows what she said to her. Maggie had a fight with Andrea and told her to never again step in the house. You were done, your stress level was up on the sky already.

When it was almost getting dark you saw Daryl coming back, you walked in his direction happy to see him and have an excuse to not be in the camp, hence near to Andrea. You met him halfway, he had some rabbits and squirrels, you knew it probably wasn’t what he really wanted but you were grateful for any meat that he brought back.

“I thought you’d never comeback.” You said walking by his side.

“I said I’d comeback.” He answered and took a quick glance at you. “Jus’ didn’t wanna comeback without something.”

“We’re all grateful to you, bringing meat or not.” You said while you arrived the small camp of yours.

He took everything he needed to start to skin what he brought and clean so it would be ready for consumption. You sat near him observing his work, you never tried, but now you had observed him doing it so much that you’d probably be able to skin something if you needed or wanted to.

“Wha’s wrong?” He asked still concentrated on his job. Once again, you were surprised on how he could know something was not right. “I can see all over ya that somethin’ is bothering ya.”

“Today was a stressful day” You propped your elbows on your knees and rested your face between your hands. You recalled all the situation with Beth and Andrea, and you just wish this day didn’t happen, and it was far from being one of your worst days.

“Wha’ happened?” He lifted his head from his work and took a look at you. You looked tired, everyone was always tired nowadays, but it was not only physical it seemed that your mind was also tired.

“Andrea was a bitch. I swear I tried to be on good terms with her again. And Beth tried the way out, I believe encouraged by Andrea. Maggie left them alone and Andrea also left Beth alone.” You gave him the short story of all that happened. “I should have gone with you.”

“Yeah, ya should.” That was his way of saying ‘I missed you’.

Soon you saw the car in which Rick, Shane and Randall left arriving back in the property. When you saw Rick getting off the car you felt relieved to see him, but apparently they had comeback with Randall. Shit, it wasn’t over. As soon as Daryl finished skinning and cleaning the hunt, you went to to the camp to meet Rick and know what happened.

Once you arrived you saw that Rick had bruises and cuts on his face, no way it was the kid, walkers? No. It was Shane. Damn, he had the audacity to attack Rick. You didn’t even think, you turned around, hot headed and ready to go look for Shane and beat the hell out of him.

“Where d’ya think ya’re going?” Daryl hold your arm stopping you to go anywhere. He knew where you were going, sometimes he could read you so easily that it surprised him.

“I’m going to give Shane hell, nobody gets to touch my brother.” You yanked your arm from Daryl’s hand, just for him to catch you again, holding his arms around you so you couldn’t go. That wasn’t the moment for you to be reckless.

“Y/N, do you think I was just beaten? I also beat him.” Rick reasoned with you.

“Either way, it wasn’t enough, he deserves worse.” You said, still fighting – in vain - in Daryl’s arm.

“Woman, stop. Ya’re being more hot-head and stubborn than me.” Daryl turned you around and hold you by the shoulders. “Look at me.” He commanded, and you looked at him, right in his beautiful blue eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid. He’s uncontrollable and ya know it. If he lays a finger on ya, I dunno what I’m capable of doing and I dun wanna find out.”

“Ok.” You answered and didn’t try to go for Shane, but you still felt like ending him. “Why did you bring the kid back?” You directed the question to Rick.

“He said he studied with Maggie. Which means he knows where the farm is.” Rick ran his hand on his face. “We’ll need another solution.”

The other day, after breakfast, Daryl went to the room where Randall was, he said he was going to talk with him. It was taking a long time for him to return and you were starting to get worried.

“Ok, that’s it. I’m going to see what is taking him so long to come back.” You told your brother.

“Don’t, the kid is handcuffed. There’s nothing he can do against Daryl.” Rick said standing on your way. “I don’t wanna you close to that guy.”

“I think you had said you’d stop treating me like a child, Rick.” You looked at his face and you could see there was something wrong. “Are you two hiding something? That’s it? Now you have secret agreements between both of you?”

Before Rick could say anything, you saw Daryl coming in your direction. Was that Blood on his hand? ‘Holy shit! What the hell have you done Daryl Dixon?’, you thought. He arrived telling you all the information he got from the kid, there were 30 in his group, they were violent and dangerous, they raped women. You followed Daryl to your tent, you could feel he was still angry, so you were thinking about what should be the best approach.

“D. Let me see your hands.” You requested and he started organizing his things to leave and go into the woods.

“There’s nothing to see, I’m good.” He said with some arrows in his hand.

“Daryl.” He ignored you.

“Daryl Dixon.” He ignored you again, stuffing things on his backpack, so you just got close to him silently and yanked his backpack throwing it on the ground.

“What the fuck Y/N?” He shouted at you, now you had his full attention.

“Stop, this shit! I’m talking to you, your hands are hurt! Let me take care of them.” You told him your voice high. He looked at you impatient. You took his hand and guided him to one of the beach chairs. “Sit.”

“I ain’t a dog.” He complained while you made him sit.

“So, why are you obeying me?” You threw back while you picked the First Aid kit inside the tent. You were playing with fire and you knew it.

He tried to get up while he mumbled something in protest that you couldn’t understand. But you were faster than him and pressed his shoulder down so he would sit again. You took the other chair and brought it close to him, sitting in front of him, your legs between his so you could be closer to take care of his hand.

“Gimme your paw, I mean, your hand.” You joked one hand extended on his direction waiting for him to give you his hand. “If I’m a puppy, you might as well be one. Or maybe you’re a Kitten, you are as skittish as one.”

He gave you his left hand very reluctantly, but he knew you would not let him be if he didn’t. You took his hand and saw how his knuckles were hurt, your heart ache by seeing his hand like this, but you also felt uneasy about the young man that was on the other side of his fist. You took some alcohol and wet a cotton swab to pass where he was hurt.

“It’s gonna hurt.” You alerted him, he didn’t say anything. He just observed your small hand holding his and tendering his wounds with the cotton swab, hissing when it hurt too much. “Did Rick ask you to do this?”

“No.” He answered, short… good he didn’t want to talk.

“Did he know about it?”

“Maybe.” He answered eyes on your hands now cleaning the wounds with boric-water.

“Or he did or he didn’t. Gonna take it as he did, he was acting suspect.” You stated, looking at your first aid kit for some ointment.

“Are ya angry at me?” He asked while you passed the ointment on his wounds.

“No, just concerned and upset. Gimme your other hand.” You took his other hand and started to give the same care. “I don’t like both of you hiding things from me.”

“ ‘m sorry, ya dun agree with what I’ve done, do ya?” He asked, head still down paying attention to you.

“Torturing isn’t right.”

“I didn’t have an option, we needed the information about his group.” You cleaned his other hand. “His group… the things he said they did… he’s not someone to be around or for us to let go, he knows where the farm is.”

“So, do you think we should kill him?” You asked a cotton swab passing on his hand.

“Yes.” He said, you were conflicted. You were always taught that killing was wrong, you can’t take life from someone. Unless it’s a walker, of course. Or, if your life is in danger. But execute someone? It sounded wrong, but at the same time… you should think about the group safety. “Don’t ya agree?”

“I don’t know… I think it’s wrong, but I also see that we’re out of better options.” You passed the ointment on his hand.

“Are ya comin’ to the woods with me?” He asked a little apprehensive that you wouldn’t want to be with him because you were upset.

“Thought you’d never ask.” You looked at him and smiled, no way you’d be stuck in the farm again in the middle of all the chaos.

You were having things done to go, when you saw Dale arriving followed by Luna swinging her tail. Dale came to talk to you about the decision of killing Randall, he wanted to know what both of you thought, and of course try to convince you otherwise if you thought the boy should be killed.

“I’m not sure Dale, really. At the same time I think we shouldn’t, I don’t see any other solution.” You said, despite you thought your opinion would not be so important in the end. Dale tried reasoning with Daryl to no avail.

“This group’s broken.” He said, and when you heard that… you couldn’t help but feel bad. Was really your group broken? Did Daryl think the group wasn’t good enough for him anymore? Did he want to leave? Would he leave without you? Would he even tell you if he decided to leave? Was he tired of you?

You were so caught up in your anxious thoughts that you didn’t even saw that Dale was long gone and Daryl was calling you so you could go. “Pup, what’s wrong?” He asked, his hand waving in front of you worried.

“Nothing.” You lied, and he knew you lied. “Let’s go?”

He got his things, you got yours, Luna followed you and you walked silently until you reached the woods. You were open and comfortable with Daryl, you always were and it even annoyed you some times, because you would speak whatever is on your mind, and in your opinion you said things you shouldn’t say. But you couldn’t talk about your feelings, or you tried not to, because of a bunch of insecurities clouding your thoughts. He wasn’t also very comfortable about talking about feelings, so it was understandable, but at the same time he felt uneasy if he didn’t know everything that’s on your mind. He held your hand and it startled you from your unstoppable thoughts.

“Ya lied again.” He didn’t took his eyes from the woods searching for any danger or possible hunt. His voice didn’t change the tone, there was no anger or negative feelings on his speaking.

“I don’t wanna talk about my feelings.” You said looking at your feet attentive to where you stepped, your other hand slightly brushing over Luna’s head.

“But I want to know what ya’re feeling. I need to.” He said, damn… did he sound vulnerable? Was he weak? He couldn’t allow himself to look pathetic and weak, but he also didn’t want to mistreat you. “ ‘m not good talking ‘bout feelings, but I always need to know yers.”

You stopped walking and you turned to him, now holding both of his hands, or more like his hands engulfing yours. “Be honest.”

“Never lied to ya.” He said looking at your face while you were looking down at your hands. “Look at me, please.”

You lifted your head, looking right at his eyes and all you saw was worry. You took a deep breath taking all the courage you had to speak. “Are you…” ‘not happy with me?’ You wanted to complete but stopped mid-sentence. “Do you wanna leave us?”

“Of course not. Where did this come from?” He asked, but before you could answer his mind started to put the pieces together. “That’s because I said the group’s broken, isn’t it?”

“Yes” you said, just that. Unable to say more or add anything else that were running like a tornado inside your mind.

“It wasn’t a lie. I think the group’s broken. Shane’s crazy. Andrea’s reckless and listens to Shane. Carol’s still broken because of Sophia. Glenn… if Hershel decided to kick us from the farm, he’d stay behind and I don’t blame him. This group isn’t like it used to be, not that we were perfect befor’ , we never were.” You took all his words putting everything together and trying to reason what he said. Still feeling uneasy. “Wha’s on yer head?”

“It’s just… when you said it, it seemed like you didn’t care anymore about the group or what happens with it.” You looked at his growing bangs that fell on his forehead, or you wouldn’t be able to say it if you looked at his eyes. “Or…” You paused, no, no, you couldn’t say what you were thinking not at all. You’d scare him, he’d leave you.

“Or wha’ baby?” You looked at his eyes again, and with the worry you saw a softness that you didn’t quite know what it meant. He never called you ‘baby’ outside of the sheets and it made your heart jump and butterflies fly in your stomach.

“Or…” you shifted your eyes to look at your hands, tears threatening to fall. Shit. Why were you so emotional and making a big thing of something this small. “That you didn’t want me and would leave.”

Things had been so good between both of you, that Daryl forgot you still had traumas from your past relationship, traumas that would trigger only when you were in a relationship and could experience things again. And now, was one of those moments. He couldn’t imagine half the shit you’ve been put through so you’d think he would leave you or that he didn’t want you, after he asked you to live with him, after he showed you his scars… after both of you broke so many walls that were built around yourselves.

He let go of your hands and hugged you, you always reassured him when he had his insecurities, now was the moment for him to do the same for you. “I ain’t leaving.” One of his arms was around your waist while the other was in your head bringing your face to hide between his chest and shoulder. “I want ya, and I dun see myself not wanting ya any time soon.”

It was as if a tap was open and the tears that were in your eyes fell making you let little sniffs and hold both hands on Daryl’s vest. “I told Rick, and I’m telling ya now, I ain’t playing with ya.” He didn’t put any names on what you had, he never said ‘I like you’ or ‘I love you’, he didn’t even know how to name what he felt or if he could feel any of those things. But he knew he wanted you, he needed you and he was going to protect you. He had already told you, you were his and indirectly that he was yours, but he couldn’t bring any of those words, these simple words scared him… So he said what he could manage to come out of his mouth. “We’re together.”

You took your face from his chest and looked at his face, he was serious, this wasn’t any sick joke. You should’ve known, you knew Daryl, he wasn’t like that… and you never doubted it. You shouldn’t start doing it now just because you had a relationship. He was not him. He was Daryl and you knew you could trust him. “I’m sorry. I think my period is close, or something…” It was probably something, but you could always blame the hormones, so why not?

He kissed the top of your head tenderly and looked at your face again, now you were better. You looked more like yourself when there wasn’t all those intrusive thoughts and anxiety. “What do ya say I teach ya a little bit of hunting and tracking?” He asked.

“I was waiting for the day you’d offer me this.” You smiled, your hands now resting flat open on his chest. “I’d love if you taught me.”

When it was close to sunset you and Daryl came back to the farm, you didn’t hunt anything as he taught you were still learning so it didn’t go good. He held your hand in his intertwining your fingers and you walked in silence, Luna leading the way in front of you sometimes stopping to wait for your slow asses.

In the moment you arrived at the farm Rick made a call, he was waiting for both of you to make a reunion so everyone could say their opinions about the boy Randall. Everyone except Dale wanted to kill the young man, Dale was extremely disappointed. You still didn’t know what to think about it, but you knew Dale was right.

“I’m with Dale.” You suddenly said and walked to stay by Dale’s side, even though you knew there was no way of winning the vote, you wanted to stay true to yourself. “He’s not his group and as far as we know he didn’t commit a crime that he deserves death penalty.”

You felt like you would combust at any moment just by the stares of Rick and Daryl that didn’t quite understand why you were siding with Dale and not thinking clearly about the wellbeing of the group. Shane also looked at you like you were insane, but you didn’t give a single fuck about it, so it was ok. The others were neutral at you. Soon Andrea also said she was with Dale, but in the end you three weren’t enough to deprive the group from killing Randall.

Everybody left the room to continue their activities, it was getting dark so Daryl, Rick and Shane would take the prisoner to do what they needed to. You were ready to descend the porch stairs when Daryl held your arm slightly and put you aside.

“We need to talk.” He said, and you already knew.

“Is it because I agreed with Dale?” You asked, you knew the answer. “Do you hate me because I disagreed from the group?” All that mattered was that if he would change about you just because you didn’t agree with them.

“Yeah, and I dun hate ya.” Actually it was quite the opposite, but he was concerned about your choices.

“I knew the majority of us would choose his death, my vote would make no difference. So I decided to stay true to myself.” You said, you could see understanding crossing his face by each word you said. “Just because I don’t think it’s right, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be done.”

He nodded at you. “Alright, I ain’t upset. Go stay with Lori while we do this.”

You were with Lori when you saw the three taking Randall to the barn, you held your sister’s hand as a comfort for you. You weren’t going to see the execution, but knowing someone, a human being would be killed in the same place you were was scaring. You were comfortable killing walkers, they weren’t alive anymore, they were just walking corpses. In reality you thought it was merciful to kill the monster that once was a person.

“Don’t think much about it, it’s worse if you do.” Lori tried to calm your nerves, but it was impossible to not think about it.

After some time you didn’t listen to any gun shot and soon you saw Rick and Carl arriving to camp. Wait, Carl? Shit. Shit. Shit. Rick explained that Carl went there to see and that he was encouraging to kill the man. What was happening to the kid? He couldn’t lose himself so quickly like this. Rick wasn’t able to do this with Carl looking, so he postponed the execution.

“Where’s Daryl?” You asked, you saw everyone but him.

“He’s locking Randall again, he’s probably gonna be here soon.” As soon as he finished talking all of you listened to extremely pained screams.

Dale!

You ran in the direction of the screams, Daryl being the first to arrive started shouting for help. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It was bad. All of you arrived almost at the same time and what you saw was heartbreaking, all his guts coming out of his ripped stomach. No. You cried. No.

“Hershel!” Rick shouted, the only thing he thought was you all needed him there to take care of Dale.

“It’s too late, Rick.” You said, tears rolling down your cheeks. You knew as much medicine as Hershel knew, both of you vets, the old man was just more experienced and have treated more people than you, that had only cleaned T.’s wound and took care of Daryl’s hands. “There’s nothing he can do.”

Hershel arrived and said the same thing, you couldn’t even move Dale. He was agonizing. Andrea pleaded that someone did something. Everyone was in pain by seeing Dale like that. He didn’t deserve this kind of death. Rick aimed his gun at Dale, it was best if someone ended this for him. You turned your back, you didn’t want to see, you had already seen more than you wanted to see. You wait for the gun shot, but before you listen to it there’s a raspy voice. “Sorry, brother.” And soon after Daryl’s voice the sound of the shot.

You were waiting for the shot. You knew it was going to happen, but you jumped at it a cry living your lips. You covered your mouth trying to muffle your sobs. You felt a pain in your chest, everybody felt it. There were cries, sobs and lamenting.

That night you cried yourself to sleep, and it wasn’t a peaceful one, even having Daryl’s soothing presence near you.

Dale was the group’s heart and now you felt like your group were definitely broken.

Wanna be add to my tag list? Let me know. (Please tell me if you want to be tagged on everything or just specific series)

Everything Taglist: @lilyevanstan1325

Till THE DEAD do us part Taglist: @sunnybunnyy2 @royaltysuite @isakyakiisak @milopenne @murdadixon

[darcytaylor]

Welcome back.

I am glad you are back, but also completely understand you needing to step away.

I’m slowly trying to distance myself and channel my energy into other things.

I have loved being part of the bridgerton community but have seen the toxic and crazy/terrifying sides of the fandom as well.

Fans will always want to read into everything and create their own narratives. There will always be trolls.

We will never know these people. We will only see what they want us to see, and we will fill in the blanks based on our own values.

I can’t be consumed by living like this anymore. It’s not healthy.

This is the perfect first ask to respond to because, boy, do I understand how you're feeling! I took some time to disengage and stop feeding into all of the little things. It’s been so nice! I’m amazed by the creators and fans who have stuck around for so long without stepping away - they can't be human!

It’s hard to find balance when fandoms have the ability to be both wonderful and overwhelming. The Bridgerton community has so many amazing parts and people, but the toxicity and wild speculation take a toll on the strongest of us. Fans creating their own narratives can spiral into something that becomes too much, too messy, and too fake - it’s so easy to get caught up in it all.

You’re absolutely right that we’ll never know the full story. What we see is just what’s chosen to be shared, and I’m pretty sure I’ve said that exact thing here before!

When it comes to speculation, I always try to remind myself that everything and nothing is possible. The only facts we know are the basics - beyond that, nobody has any clue.

It’s so important to recognize when it’s no longer healthy to stay engaged with the fandom. I’m really glad you’re finding ways to channel your energy into other things. That’s such a positive step, and I hope it brings you peace! Take care of yourself. ❤️

[littlecrittereli]

It's been a long time since I watched Wild Kratts but I didn't even know he had a fandom, I'm so happy, and your story made my dream come true, I would love to create a story like you, but I'm not very good at writing stories What tips would you give to a beginner <3

I don't consider myself a super great author to be honest, I'm much more confident in my illustrations! But as someone who is completely self taught: here are some tips I use when I write my stories! (these may not apply to everyone, but they do help me) Outlines

If I'm writing a plot-based story I make an outline of all the major plot points I want to make and separate them into chapters. I reference this outline when I'm writing a chapter and it helps me meet all my "goals" for that particular chapter! Of course you can be flexible with this. Say one of your plot points dragged out a little too long and you want to save something for the next chapter, you can adjust your outline as you go! Sometimes your idea will change as you write it, and that's okay! revise your outline accordingly. For me, it's handy so I don't end up spiralling completely off the path I intended and lose the conclusion I wanted to have. Here's an example of the outline for my Reprogrammed AU. (Only chapters 1-5 to prevent spoilers for unreleased chapters)

as you can see, it doesn't have to be super formal. This is literally just in my notes app. As long as you can understand and follow your ideas, that's all that matters.

Get a Beta Reader!

I do not actually have a beta reader currently, but sending your writings to someone to proofread is one of the best ways to get genuine feedback. Try to find someone who is also pretty educated on proper grammar. I learned more about proper formatting from a fanfiction beta reader than I did in school im so fr. At the very least, make sure this person is comfortable with giving you constructive criticism. If something reads a little awkward or if a plot point doesn't make much sense/could be solved with an easier method, it's a lot easier for someone to point out when they didn't write the piece.

Study fanfictions/books you enjoy

Honestly... just reading a lot has made me a better writer. You will begin to notice the way authors describe certain feelings or environments, and that can give you insight on how to go about writing your own ideas. If I find an author I really like, I will try to dissect WHY I like them so much. Is it their accurate characterization? Do they describe emotions well? Are their plots engaging? Is their dialogue interesting? Find out what makes their writing so interesting so you can incorporate those traits into your own story. This goes for the way they format their writing as well. For example, I've found I prefer when chapters are around 1k-5k words. Really short chapters can make the story seem choppy when the reader has to constantly click to the next page, it kinda breaks the immersion of the story. Instead I try to use chapter breaks as interesting pausing points for suspense. I love it when authors leave their chapter on a slightly unfinished note. So I'm curious for the next chapter, but also I feel fulfilled with what I've read so far. And I've discovered this by analyzing the stories I enjoy!

And the most important advice I can give.... PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!!

Writing is similar to drawing in the sense that in order to learn, you must DO it. You have to make the shitty stuff before you find out how to make it better! It's honestly just part of the creative process. I still have some short stories I wrote back when I was a preteen and ITS BAD LOL but I needed to go through that in order to learn and grow and be more confident in my storytelling capabilities. And just like illustrations, everyone starts at a different place and everyone's process is different. SO BE PATIENT AND DON'T GIVE UP! Write that story! Even if it's bad, who cares?! You wrote something! And next time, you will write something even better!

[fixing-bad-posts]

I looked around and didn't see anything about this on your blog but I apologize if I missed it.

I was wondering, what does doing the work behind this blog...feel like? I guess what I'm asking is if it does anything to you. Like, I had a thought. For a flash, I imagined you as Butters from South Park in that episode where he is tasked with filtering out all the negative comments on Cartman's social media. It ended up really messing with Butters, what with him having to see all that negativity.

You're definitely not being affected to that extreme, I assume, but I wonder if you would have anything to say about the process of finding these negative posts and reading them several times to edit them. Has it exposed you to unpleasantness that you wouldn't have otherwise seen? Or is there perhaps a kind of catharsis in editing such filth?

I'm making a lot of assumptions here. Maybe I'm also asking about your process. I just think what you're doing is neat and would love to hear about your experience with it.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have plenty of reasons to feel joy <3

oh boy, i love talking about myself haha—so thank you for giving me an excuse to do so! i have answered similar questions in the past, though never at length. every once in a while, someone pops into the inbox to ask about my mental health (which, rest assured, is just fine—i don’t put this blog’s operation above anything; it’s honestly pretty low on my list of life-priorities), and it’s always quite sweet. having a mob of strangers following one’s sideblog has its perks: one being that sometimes parasociality results in some well wishes, kind thoughts, and general goodwill. which is very nice, and probably an unearned vanity-boost for my ego.

what does the work behind this blog feel like? in turns: mundane, challenging, vindicating, annoying, amusing… and probably other things that i’m forgetting. most of the work i do on this blog is actually me procrastinating! i am a certified adult with a job™, and i’m definitely guilty of slacking off at work sometimes to queue posts submissions from my inbox, which is more fun than like… proofreading financial documents and making spreadsheets. other times, i’m sitting in a café with my partner, and allegedly i’m “writing” fanfiction. but, uh, if you know any writers, you know that sometimes “writing” means, ‘looking at a blinking cursor’. so it’s in those moments that i open up tumblr and start writing image descriptions and adding tags to prep posts for my queue. that’s mainly when the blog feels mundane.

something that i think helps me avoid negative doomscroll-spirals is that i don’t actively seek out bad posts for this blog. being a citizen of the internet delivers fodder to me naturally. that, and running a semi-popular sideblog on tumblr. when i see a bad post in the wild, that’s when the feeling is annoying/challenging. challenging, because ever since starting this sideblog, hateful posts don’t feel as vicious to me. once i see them, they stop being posts and turn into word-puzzles. and i love word puzzles!

solving the word puzzle is amusing for me, as is getting to look at my resulting “blackout poem.” it makes me laugh, it stretches my brain. when i started, i used to have to read a post several times to find the ‘good post within the bad post’ so to speak. these days, i’m so used to it, i barely read the bad posts more than a handful of times. but as i was saying to my partner, one of the reasons i love found poetry (erasure poetry, and cut-up poetry) is that it uses the same part of my brain that loves scrabble (the board game). then, of course, it's vindicating to see my posts get so many notes, sometimes surpassing the original bad post. that's more of my own vanity, i'm sure.

as for the last part of your message: yes, i have plenty of reasons to feel joy. i work with people who respect me, i live walking distance from a bubble tea café, and have friends and family whom i love. i have the good fortune to be safely out as a queer person. i’m a fanbinder. i’m currently working on a long fanfiction which is getting some very nice comments on ao3. and i’ve recently decided to become a poet (like, for real).

i must admit, i’m fascinated by how you imagine me. i often wonder how i am perceived, especially because i keep many cards close to my chest here on my sideblog.

anyhow, thank you for this excuse to ramble about myself and the process of running this blog. i hope you also have plenty of reasons to feel joy 💛

[chronotopes]

2024 creative/personal writing wrapped

and yes i'm proud enough of my escaprils that i'm going to list a lot of them individually. sorry.

(2023) (2022) (2021) (2020) (2019)

FICTION

Aivide the Prequel. You know her you love her I FINISHED HER THIS YEAR!!!!! It's my only completed public facing version all-OC story even if it's not 100% original fiction, and I'm still so proud and fond of it and excited to continue the story one day in whatever form that takes. This year I finished chapters 5 and 6 for a total of 73,000 words.

Vital Light. You know her, you don't know that much about her, Aivide the Prequel's more embarrassing and earnest younger/older sister. For those new: a revision of a novel from 2016 which is in itself a revision of a collaborative story from (shudders) 2012. Yes I'm insane for attempting it but also yes I feel like I've learned a lot and working on it tends to tangibly improve my life. The mess of excessively wordy first draft writing I did this year totals at just over 90,000 words.

NONFICTION

A lot of my essays this year were escapril prompts, which is a challenge meant for poetry that I cheerfully reinterpreted to be about creative nonfiction instead. Wild success!! Really excited to do it next year!! Ok let's list some essays, with the ones I think are strongest/most editable bolded. They are not going to have word counts because I Don't Feel Like It.

"Change of State," an essay about moving to Maryland.

"The Internet," a kind of underdeveloped use of paleontology as metaphor for growing up.

"Eye contact," an essay about my dynamics with my mother and my girlfriend as well as the concept of 'attention.'

"Trip," revisiting a formative camping adventure with my childhood best friends, who perhaps predictably emerged as a reocurring theme in this project.

"Spiral," an essay about my nichely significant great-grandfather and his war stories of dubious veracity.

"A childhood memory (catholic school gymnasiums)," which is the first essay of mine that mentions Jenny's siblings by name! About going to Easter Mass with her family and, relatedly, visiting your loved ones' childhood spaces.

"Portrait," about augustine and i being in gay love with each other in seventh grade art class.

"What's the truth?", about my own renegotiations of my senior year of college social fallouts.

"Bad Habit," about reading strangers' wedding websites.

"Fog," about New Year's Eve 2022 with Jenny.

"Posture," which is me in senior year of high school and the act of posturing, as I had already covered the Reprimands From My Mother in "eye contact" and had nothing to say about the concept of standing up straight.

"Oh, the light!", which I would never title an essay independently but is functionally just a longer expression of that one jesse pinkman image captioned 'how it feels to be in a transitional state'.

"Purr," about one of my friends' cats as metonym for grief.

"A recurring dream," honestly one of the weakest ones, but it's once again about my fall 2022-spring 2023 experience and the weirdness of it all.

"Beach," about visiting Esther in Florida for the first time and about my larger-scale relationship with the ocean.

"So embarrassing..., or (BEING NOTES TO MYSELF AS 2014 TURNED TO 2015)", or exactly what it sounds like.

"Truth," a sequel to "What's the truth?" that is also about Esther and Julia's wedding.

"Suspended in Air," about going to Harper's Ferry and loving my wife so much it's unreal.

"A reminder:", a total nothingburger of an essay. Essay that could have been a diary entry.

"Moth," a vivid little image of summer in Southeast Virginia as written by someone who's about to move out of there for good.

"The problem of death." Escapril prompts are really on the nose sometimes, huh? I like the central metaphor in this essay that is, in fact, about death, which involves Star Trek Two The Wrath of Khan of all things.

"Desire," about seeing myself in the end of Twelfth Night.

"Simulation," about roleplayed love confessions with Augustine.

"Unexpected Transmission," about the night I found out my boss died.

"Dark Secret," about my relationship to romantic love, especially the unrequited kind.

"Modernity," about fall 2020, taking Women and Modernism while developing my own writing fascinations with the contemporary literary micro-movements of beautiful women and theys on the internet

"The absolute limit," double essay about Reconciliation Dreams Involving The Ex-Bestie.

"Surgery," vaguely hermit-crab style set of annotated recent google searches. About budgeting and planning for the future jinxing and to a certain extent literal surgery. By far one of the strongest concepts here.

"How to exist," another Essay That Could Have Been A Diary Entry maybe but has some good prose. These last two are kind of a culmination of Personal Processes i was going through in this set of thirty essays, in which i took an artistic spin to things that had been too fucked up to write about artistically in years past.

"Tomorrow," about the month of May and my history of planning for it / of grand turnarounds occurring at the end of spring.

There were some non-escapril ones too (okay actually most of them were inspired by past escapril prompts but pretty loosely)

"Visions of the Future," about imagining my future self.

"Myopia in seventh-grade notebooks," which takes a classic trick in adapting a poem from the past into an essay.

"Eavesdropping," the product of my biannual process of rereading all of my past messages with my dead friend and wanting to kick my own ass about it all.

"Attention," about the complicated metaphysics of returning to your hometown.

POETRY

"Tampa," which engages with and somewhat ties up the Ancient Katia Tradition of writing poetry on planes titled after the destination.

An uninterestingly titled anniversary poem for jenny :)

"Pine Pollen," about how (elizabeth stokes voice) i can close the door on us but the room still exists and i know you're in it

FINAL THOUGHTS

I usually do goofy superlatives for these, but instead here are some coherent thoughts about what I think I accomplished as a writer this year and what I think I'd like to work on in the coming year. First, some strengths of this year:

I still have a lot of work to continue, but writing from prompts was wildly helpful in my efforts to formulate interesting and stylistically mature shortform creative nonfiction. Writing event-first is horrible for me and writing Spontaneous Connection-first is great when it can happen but can't be forced. Being forced to contemplate how 'so embarrassing' or whatever could most interestingly be applied to cnf kind of helped me break that barrier, which I am very grateful for. I covered a lot of new ground and revisited some old ground in an interesting way, and though the above essay list is a collection of first drafts and experiments, I'm very happy with what I gained from it.

It was wildly satisfying to finish revising Aivide and bring it to a satisfying conclusion. I still have to go back and do some smaller-scale line editing on it, and it would be a much better overall product if it was plotted and rewritten in 2023-2024 from start to finish, but Aivide the prequel also wouldn't exist without me-from-2021, so it would be very dumb to not give them significant credit. In 2024 I wrote some of the parts of this novel that are the most special to me and reflect the things I love about writing fiction most closely. It's not without its flaws, but I'm still wildly proud of it and think you (yes, you!) should read it if you like loosely-homestuck-connected science fiction or toxic homoerotic girl best friends.

It was also very rewarding to return to Vital Light, which was kind of my Shrek last year in the Prince of Egypt/Shrek analogy that I love applying to my own writing, and find that I was capable of writing Characters And Plots That Interest And Compel Me with stories other than Aivide. Vital Light is still categorized as 'the silly one' in my head, but there are at least invididual parts of it that register to me as meaningful and interesting and I think pursuing the whole project is Teaching Me New Things About Being A Writer, which is the key part.

I think for a lot of college I would make resolutions along the lines of 'this is the year I finally get published!' and would scrutinize all my non-fanfiction out-of-class writing as A Journey To Getting Published while doing nothing on the get published front because litmag submissions are the job applications of writing and we all know how much I hate doing either of those things until actively forced to. Both 'somewhat goofy prompts' and 'deep structural revision of The Novel That Owned My Soul In High School' are good exposure therapy for writing to learn, to tell myself a story, to try something and see if it works, rather than to publish.

In this coming year some of the main things I would really like to do are – 

To gather up the strength for confident and well-considered worldbuilding and get comfortable with reading lots of nonfiction to get a comfortable knowledge base in areas relevant to my subject

To write or conceptualize at least one story (it can be shortform, though shortform is its own uphill battle for me lol) starring a character or universe that did not exist before 2025,

To progress my shortform nonfiction into workable longform nonfiction,

To take at least one local writing class, not so much because I think Classes are really missing from my life but because meeting people who write and are local to you is an interesting and productive part of writing and living in a place, even if they are not interested in the same things you are and do not necessarily share an artistic ethos with you

I am not going to resolve to Submit To More Litmags because I know the kind of doomspiral that instills in me and it is also not terribly important to me right now. But I think I do want to critically examine Types Of Making Your Writing Public and explore the ones I'm comfortable with, as well as observing the mechanisms behind that comfort. Pivotally I also want to read more widely and consistently, including shortform stuff (collective BOO from the crowd!) (i'm the crowd.). First and foremost, I want to continue reading and writing from a place of pleasure and curiosity and exploration – with the obvious disclaimer that 'pleasure' does not mean Reading The Easiest Or Most Feel Good Thing, there is pleasure to be found in new and challenging things and good prose and meeting challenges – because I think that is the best way to do interesting things and never kill yourself.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Rant time, long post here we gooooo-

Oh Iger... You just keep being a capitulating dingus, huh? And I gotta keep talking about that, huh? I mean, I can choose not to... But I'm gonna, because I'm getting even more tired of Iger's nonsense and I want him OUSTED like yesterday. Like a Roy E. Disney "Save Disney"-style ousting. He's been CEO for over 15 years now, it's gone to his head and he's spiraling in the same way Eisner did in his final years, it's time to go!

So now we're down to environmentalism as a big no-no, in Iger's attempts to wipe future Disney films clean of any "messages".

I grew up in the 1990s. Environmental messages were all over cartoons and movies and media. In fact, we were sorta at the end of that "New Age" "back to nature" era, and we were now in a post-CAPTAIN PLANET sorta timeframe. A lot of stuff I grew up with was very nature-loving, very anti-corporate abuse of power and harm of the planet. Episodes of cartoons, specials, whole movies like FERNGULLY: THE LAST RAINFOREST, and even Disney had some environmental messaging going on in THE LION KING and POCAHONTAS... Though it wasn't without significant pushback, as this is nothing new.

Hey, you wanna hear an era-specific story that's really wild? Around the late '90s, some conservative logger wrote and published a belated "response" to Dr. Seuss' 1971 classic THE LORAX with... TRUAX... Yeah, we had weird DailyWire-lookin' rant shit that was in response to older "politically correct" books that existed for years... We had that nonsense back then, too! The right **always** had a problem with environmental stories, and they were always LOUD about it.

And I remember, when I was a teenager, going on message boards and such for the first time. Mainly IMDb, because it was for movies, ya know? 2005-06. I had seen George Miller's animated feature HAPPY FEET in theaters, with a packed audience who applauded at the end. I really enjoyed it, myself, but then... Logging onto IMDb... Seeing most of the user reviews and message board posts... Reading the utter contempt for it. How "politically correct" it was, that it was "propaganda" from the liberals. I remember Fox News having a conniption fit over it. One post online said something to the tune of "I was expecting Al Gore to show up at the end with a message." HAPPY FEET was released around the time of AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, so that made matters worse. I remember that whole time of environmentalism being uncool, that you were some bleeding heart tree-hugging sissy-ass liberal mamby-pamby. Manbearpig. Etc.

... When that movie was really no different from every other environmental cartoon, movie, or show I've seen. HAPPY FEET's radical sin was... Calling out pollution and negligence of our oceans? Very basic stuff? Hell, much of George Miller's own MAD MAX saga is set in an awful post-collapse world where humans blew each other up over oil and riches. The only exception being the first movie, which is taking place DURING said collapse! And his work on BABE and directing the sequel PIG IN THE CITY, two very pro-animal rights movies about a pig that escaped from a dinner plate fate, hell the first BABE movie drove Farmer Hoggett actor James Cromwell to become a vegan. Like, c'mon. The blow-up over HAPPY FEET's environmentalism was very silly back in 2006.

Right-wingers and conservatives continued to complain about these kinds of movies. WALL-E got flack when it came out in 2008, which was at the tail end of W. Bush's presidency no less. The Illumination LORAX movie in 2012 got heat, and they also got all testy at THE LEGO MOVIE for being "anti-business" or some such nonsense when it's a movie that's literally based on a massive toy franchise.

These people are always going to be angry no matter what. It goes beyond giving trans people a time to shine, they will find something else that's morally right or generally good - like taking care of our planet, ya know, the big-ass rock in space that we live on - and throw tantrums... and taking the environmental message out of HOPPERS - a literal movie about beavers and a land developer looking to destroy their home... Like, Iger, what the hell are you doing? You were CEO when WALL-E was made, and when you regained the CEO role, AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER came out, which- James Cameron's sci-fi movie spawned a whole section one of your company's theme parks and- Are we gonna see a new edit of WALL-E that removes all references to what humans did to the future Earth setting in that movie?

Head-bangingly obtuse.

So what would HOPPERS be without the developer villains, then? What do Disney heads want out of new original $175m+ costing movies from the company's film divisions? If they just made some silly forgettable beaver cartoon, it could still have some artistic flair and flourish, but the whole appeal of the arts - not just movies made by some big-time animation studio - is that they're stories personal to their creators... Because humans want that connection when witnessing a work of art or being told a story. But no, companies as big as Disney are cynical enough to believe humans can just be fed AI-generated shit and they'll be satisfied. No, lots of people obviously want more than that. Why are they flocking to MOANA 2 and even MUFASA in theaters right now?

They feature characters that they connected with in non-neutered movies made a looooooong time ago.

MOANA and the original LION KING wouldn't be made under such strict, cowardly mandates now. MOANA especially: Oceanic setting and not-Caucasian characters, a story of a demigod stealing something that belongs to the land, causing environmental destruction- like, c'mon, it's absolutely about environmentalism and colonialism. It's "woke", "DEI", everything the right-wing HATES. And it was a hit in fall 2016/early 2017, which was right after that Orange Fartfrog was handed the election by forces that went against the will of the people who voted for the email lady over him. Still a big hit, despite that guy succeeding. And it continued to be a streaming sensation thereafter. The original LION KING may not have humans in it, but the whole 'Circle of Life' song and theme is certainly pretty environmental and about the ways of nature, and how we are... Ya know, all connected in the great circle of life?

From the day we arrive on the planet And, blinking, step into the sun There's more to see than can ever be seen More to do than can ever be done There's far too much to take in here More to find than can ever be found But the sun rolling high Through the sapphire sky Keeps great and small on the endless round It's the circle of life And it moves us all Through despair and hope Through faith and love 'Til we find our place On the path unwinding In the circle The circle of life

Ya know, I read at least one diatribe about this song posted back in the '90s somewhere on the World Wide Web (dating myself there), calling the song "new age", "preachy", "brainwashing" whatever... Again, nothing new. Even back in the '90s, somebody had a hang-up with the goddamn 'Circle of Life' song from the goddamn LION KING...

You see how absurd this all is?

Wanna go further back? We'll go no further than LION KING's own inspiration, BAMBI! Which was absolutely about what Man does to nature, which paralleled Man's destruction of the planet during World War II, the war this movie was released during. And post-BAMBI, Disney made plenty of pro-nature movies, movies portraying hunting in a not-so-positive light. Disney made anti-fascist cartoons during World War II, training films. DER FUEHRER'S FACE, EDUCATION FOR DEATH, COMMANDO DUCK, THE SPIRIT OF '43. Sure, those were about the fascists overseas and were mandated by the U.S. government, but they made 'em, and didn't hold back. Nowadays, the company is in bed with these kinds of fascists, but at home, on American soil. Could you an imagine an explicitly anti-MAGA Donald Duck cartoon where the temperamental quacker socks a MAGAT? I'd love to see it, honestly. Where was I? Oh yeah, environmentalism... You even have a whole didactic theme park dedicated to the world we live in. Epcot! Ya know? Living with the Land?

Anyways... Before I keep grousing... So, erasing queerness from future projects (INSIDE OUT 2, WIN OR LOSE), now environmentalism (HOPPERS)... What's next? What do Disney heads dial back in their pathetic attempts to appease an insatiable beast? No more female protagonists? No more stories that aren't about white people? No more stories that are about, like, anything?

This will bite them in the ass, hard. Especially if they keep blowing massive budgets on these things. Filmmakers might walk from these projects, even.

Get rid of Iger, fuck Trump and the far-right, LET THE FILMMAKERS MAKE MOVIES.

[melestasflight]

Writing Year Wrapped (2023)

thanks for the tag @sallysavestheday

3 Favorite Fics You've Written This Year

Red - a return to my favorite relationship of all times, Fingon/Maedhros after a semi-hiatus. I let myself feel more than think while writing this, and let the words turn into a painting. Thanks to @helyannis for making that painting come true (see above).

What Lies Beyond the End - the giving up of the Silmaril by Maglor has been and still is one of the most impactful moments for me in the Silm. The writing of this ficlet was a gloriously cathartic music-high.

To Find a Home in the Twilight - Aredhel! All about Aredhel and her contagious sense of freedom. I went wild with the worldbuilding here and dug into characters that are blank slates in canon. Thanks to @toastedbuckwheat for supplying art inspiration.

3 Fics That Stretched You the Most

Against His Wisdom - this was a personal challenge to convince my brain to accept a topic I found extremely challenging for a long time. I also really got my hands dirty with elven psychology and dug into Fingon and Fingolfin's complicated characters. Thanks to @polutrope and @ettelene for the encouragment.

The Seven Trials of Fingon the Valiant - this was a sweet challenge in learning how to co-write with someone else. I am a chaotic writer, I feel as I go, I let stories write themselves. I learned a thing or two about planning ahead and writing in order with @polutrope.

Character Biography: Húrin Thalion and Part 2 - these are not fics but reference works, but putting them here because it was a long labor. A deep dive into canon to look at the evolution of Húrin's character and a critical analysis of the themes and symbology surrounding his character. (also: 11.5k words for this stingy writer!). Thanks to @dawnfelagund for the support.

3 Favorite Lines You've Written (loosely interpreting "lines")

I'm taking quotes from landscape writing because it was very enjoyable this year.

From Voices That Were Once Ours

The hills of Himring stay to the west, and the plains unfold. Lothlann makes an uncomfortable flatness, naked and exposed. The Iron Mountains rise in the far distance and interrupt the seemingly endless sky. In the light of day, they seem almost fair, and for a brief moment, Finrod believes they are not the work of violence.

From What Lies Beyond the End 

The jewel illuminates the liquid space around it, calling all life to itself. Sea creatures, enormous and minute, come to offer their welcome, spiraling in a meditative dance around its brilliant streaks. Even the seagrasses reach their slim fingers with such longing they all but detach themselves from the corral that nurtures them to grasp but a strand of light. It is a silent spectacle of marvel and dread, like the sight of an erupting mountain seen from a great distance. A convergence that perhaps should never be allowed to happen upon Arda, of Sea and Sky, of profound darkness and starlight. In that fleeting instant, Maglor comes to believe that for this alone, it was all worth it.

From Red 

On the rare occasions when Fingon allows himself to think of Beleriand, one image takes shape in his mind’s eye above all others. The last moments of sunset spilling down the prairies of Ard-galen.  If one was to wait for the exact hour and find just the right angle, its hue matched to perfection the color of Maedhros’ tresses under bright daylight. The dark reds coming alive with the gentle swaying of tall grasses in the breeze, Fingon would wade between them with his palms spread open and believe that a beloved braid was untangling between his fingers.

3 Characters You Enjoyed Writing (that surprised you)

Caranthir in The Seven Trials of Fingon the Valiant 

Galadriel in crowned with the Sun

Zimrahin Meldis in To Find a Home in the Twilight 

3 Unexpected Inspirations

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula Le Guin. This book left me reeling. Thanks to @searchingforserendipity25 for convincing me to finally read it. The Helcaraxë will never be the same after this.

Age of Empires, yes, the game. Fantastic outlet to let me plan and imagine all my battle-writing, military formations, units, etc.

Paul M. Barford' The Early Slavs: Culture and Society in Early Medieval Eastern Europe. It helped me think deeply about the relationship between the Edain and the Elven lords in Beleriand.

3 WIPs You're Excited About in the Upcoming Year

Fingon's Kingship long fic - Fingon-centric exploration of the period between Galdor's death and the Union of Maedhros. Focused on Fingon's relationship with Círdan, Húrin, Maedhros, and Maglor.

One Thousand Days - a ficlet for Maedhros & Maglor week exploring their relationship with the Esterlings.

Scion of Kings - looking forward to finishing this Fin-galad story inspired by art pieces by @ruiniel @welcomingdisaster and @searchingforserendipity25

3 People Tagged to Share Theirs

no pressure tag to share if you'd like @searchingforserendipity25 @imakemywings @theghostinthemargins

[sealochs]

Hey girl! How does the evidence for evidence against exercise work? Would love to try it on my own anxiety lol

hello! so the evidence for evidence against exercise is like taking your anxiety to court. put her on trial! cross-examine her! she's a liar, your honour!

on the face of it, it's very simple, like it's so simple i can't believe it works so well; it makes me feel simple every time it works. i will say that it does sort of rely on you focusing on one (1) fear, on one main thing that's causing you to be anxious; but there's nothing to stop you doing it multiple times for multiple anxieties, one by one, if you find it hard to separate or identify a principal cause. although, even the act of doing that can help; what are you principally anxious about, & which extra anxieties are you recruiting to that cause? i often find my seemingly generalised anxiety is actually a pretty specific one when i sit down & force myself to be honest on paper, but that doesn't mean that's true for everyone!

when you have your one (1) fear, you basically sit & you write a list of evidence for that fear coming true; a list of evidence for your anxiety being entirely reasonable and founded in a rational reading of reality. when you do this, & i think it helps to do it by hand, you realise you have much less hard evidence than your brain has led you to believe. last night, i discovered a lot of mine were starting with the word 'maybe', & what followed was just wild conjecture. objection, your honour! sustained! strike that last from the record!

then, you write a list of evidence against. this might be a list of actions or words from someone that would indicate that they do not, in fact, hate you. or a list of previous achievements that would indicate that you are not, in fact, doomed to fail the challenge you're currently facing. or a list of facts about a situation that act as alternative explanations for something bad having happened, and so indicate that it was not, in fact, all your fault. this list might also include reasons why things on your 'for' list may not, actually, constitute hard evidence. the jury are nodding their heads, they're murmuring approval, they're casting nasty glances at your anxiety in the witness box.

you can stop there, but i've found that writing that second list of evidence against often turns into a general free writing exercise where i start to explore the thing that's making me anxious from a far more rational perspective; i've found it works as a way into empathy, into generously & in good faith imagining what another person might really think, might really feel, or how a situation might really turn out, without the ultimately self-centred & distortive lens of anxiety blinding me. i am literally always stunned when it works in this way, when my brain - which was just one hour ago already spiralling into a grief process for something that hasn't happened yet - manages to do a complete one-eighty & see the situation entirely differently.

which is probably the final thing to note: i've often found that doing this exercise is in itself a terrifying prospect, & i've often put it off or simply not done it, & Suffered instead. because it's like: but what if i prove myself right? what if i do actually come up with a lot of hard evidence that this thing that i am deeply anxious about is, in fact, something i have due cause to be deeply anxious about?

& yet, with one glaring exception*, i have never yet proven myself right with this exercise. i haven't always definitively proven myself wrong, but i've always been able at least to realise that there are many alternative explanations or possibilities for something beyond the one worst case scenario that my anxiety has decided is the most likely, & to temper my anxiety with an acceptance of those.

this got weirdly long, but i hope it helps somewhat! i'm sending you love <3

[saintqueer]

I'm sorry you got harassed again just from a simple post with a (imo pretty valid) opinion. If that person is the same that answered your post by reblogging and repplying on their blog with unnecessary hate (apparently queer but a solo louie) then it's the one I just blocked. I love to currate my experience in this fandom. Anyway I just wanted to say, I used to love your posts in this fandom! I lost track of your blog and thought you'd disappeard. I'm glad to see you're still on Tumblr and enjoying other fandoms. I'm well aware of how toxic this fandom can get (between the hets, the solos often queer themselves but hating on queer larries and more, to many groups to count tbh, louis' attitude on social media ect), especially when you dare to voice an opinion, which I'm mostly don't lol. I'm staying for the art, the fics, the great memes and ofc the music and the people. You're "y'all" made me think 'I Hope she still got good times and friends out if it. I made some great friends in the larries bunch myself. Anyway sorry for the rant, I lost track of what was my point here. Just was happy to see you pop on my dash through a mutual and wanted to say so I guess?? So once again thank you for the fun times I had reading your posts back in the days; have a great time out here, enjoying your favs fandoms, you do you! Sending love xx

so i was trying to avoid posting any anons regarding prev fandom discourse but i opened this one and read it through and it was just so amazing i had to respond, not just in tags 🥹🥹

of course, it's lovely to hear that you liked my posts on fandom back in the day etc but what really got me was when you wanted to make sure i still got good times and friends out of it, that nearly made me cry

because YEAH I FUCKING DID 🥺😩🥺🥹🥲

blue ( @wastelandbabyblue ) is literally one of the coolest people i've ever known while also being one of the kindest and funniest. id literally kill to meet her one day in person. i still keep up with brenda and several others i met in her og discord, some of which are the only remaining 1d fandom blogs i still follow here - they are so kind and funny and i still talk to them occasionally in a fandom discord i stayed in because i didn't want to lose touch with them.

and 🥹🥹🥹

i met 8 of who i would consider my closest friends in the whole world through fandom. through the most insane wild and unruly fandom discord drama, i literally located my found family: wedo, nino, iza, katja, olia, hanis, chloe, and su

we talk everyday still even though we live all over the world and we talk about nearly everything except fandom nowadays and they've helped me survive living day to day through some of the worst moments of my life. i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have them in my life

last night, i had a bit of a shame spiral thinking about all the time energy money i devoted to the 1d fandom. i felt embarrassed for being so loud about something that ended in so much disappointment. it wasn't fun and i know it was probably triggered by being involved in some discussions i hadn't been in so long

so when i opened this ask, anon, it reminded me so much that whatever was lost from that time, so much more was gained. the embarrassment of remembering dancing around like a fool with a rainbow flag for someone who couldn't even say something as simple as "look at all those colors" pales in comparison to the lifelong friendship i gained with these 8 beautiful women all across the globe

nothing will ever compare to the people i met and the way they feel closer to family than any of my blood ever felt

i'm glad that you found so much goodness as well and thank you for reminding me that it was all worth it for what i got

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

20 questions for writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

81 at the time of answering this. I'm constantly adding new ficlets though, and actively working on two unpublished wips that I'm very excited about. 

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

471,069

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Steddie. My hobby is just Steddie. 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

🐉 Hic sunt dracones

🦇 Possession 

🔥 Whatever you want it to be 

(WTF, that only finished posting earlier this month, are you all insane???)

👨‍👩‍👧 Someone who cares

🧜‍♂️ Just add water

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! (Well, except the outright rude ones, but I can count those on one hand.) You took time out of your day to tell me what you thought of my fic, and that is so incredibly motivating and means so much to me! 🥰

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I yet have to write an actual long fic with an unhappy ending, but i once made Steve come back wrong and killed everyone but Eddie and him for a ficlet, does that count? 😅

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my long fics have happy endings, but Hic sunt dracones probably has the happiest to me. They're mated and disgustingly in love and it's flower crowns and apple pie and hot, hot monsterfucking forever after. 🐉🔥❤️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been called racist and ableist and British, among other things, but 99.9% of all reactions I get are lovely! 💖

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've … been known to write smut, yeah. 🤣 

I love exploring all sorts of different vibes and dynamics, but I think porn with feelings is what I do best.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope, just wild AUs. 🐉🧜🏻😈

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I co-wrote an original work with a school friend some 20 years ago. And by co-wrote I mean we took turns with the document and key-smashed what we thought should happen next where the other had left off. 🤣

The King’s Gift will be a very close collaboration between @house-of-the-moving-image and I bc we've developed the idea and the entirety of the plot together and are bringing it alive through our respective mediums. It's heaps of fun! ✨️

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

(drumroll) (expectant silence)

It's Steddie, people. Not only because they've quite literally eroded my brain, but also because of the wonderful people I've found and the beautiful experiences I've made and continue to make in this fandom. I've never been active in any fandom before, but I'm so, so glad I've taken the leap. 

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I try to finish all my WIPs and am very much committed to finishing the two I have ongoing rn. 

That being said, there's a bunch of microfics and drabbles I'd love to expand on if I ever find the time (lake monster and ballerina Steve, I see you). 😅

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've repeatedly been told that I create very vivid images with my writing, and that's something I find really lovely. And I love world building. ✨️🥰

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Wordy bitch disease. I ramble, I spiral, I spin completely out of control. The amount of fics that ended up being much longer than I initially thought is embarrassing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve never actually done that. I’d definitely enlist the help of someone who is proficient enough in the language in question to ensure I don’t make an utter ass of myself. 😅

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The wizard who must not be named. I must’ve been fourteen or something? It was probably so bad, and sometimes I think I'd like to re-read it again, but it’s now lost on some hard drive in a junkyard somewhere, hopefully never to be seen again. 🪦

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I love all of my fics, each for its own reasons, but Hic sunt dracones will forever hold a special place in my heart. It is everything I ever dreamed of when I fantasized about writing and publishing my own fics but was too shy to do so. I’ve met and befriended amazing people over it. It has fanart. Even close to one year after I finished it, people are still telling me how much they loved it, and it feels so wonderful to know my writing resonated so much with somebody out there. I can never talk about it without getting all up in my feels. 🐉🥲💕

Some zero-pressure tags: @eyesofshinigami @vecnuthy @sidekick-hero @penny00dreadful 💕

[sophieinwonderland]

I think most people who don't like your satire blog don't have enough literacy to comprehend satire, which is not surprising, given we are on the piss on the poor website.

Also, forgive me if I'm wrong everyone, but I don't think it is ableist for you to have a satire account pretending to be an anti-endo either. I don't see people complaining about analog horror or media saying that they trigger unreality, and wouldn't those type of media trigger more unreality than your account making fun of how stupidly people debate? But again, I might be very wrong.

How many genres and types of art would just go away if such simple things stopped us from doing things? I'm saying that as a system who suffered a lot with paranoia and very easily believed in conspiracy theories and stories less than true in the past, and who now knows how to avoid these kinds of stuff to avoid spiraling.

But I do think they complain about you more because you are a controversal figure. Sure, just because I follow you doesn't mean I agree with everything you say or think, but just because of that doesn't mean that everything you do is evil. Can't people see people normally? - Nightmare Sans

I also feel like there's a sort of dangerous sanitization of the internet going on here.

The thing about recognizing satire and sarcasm is that it's a skill. Yes, like all skills, it can be impaired by disabilities. But I also find myself thinking that if you don't expose people to situations where they have to engage with critical thinking, you end up with a world where NOBODY has these types of skills.

It used to be common practice to not believe what you read on the internet. This was something drilled into people's heads from childhood. But I feel like this is slowly being lost.

My host grew up with a mother who was deep into conspiracy theories. He believed a lot of them as a child too. Then when he got older, he realized how many of these were wrong and laden with misinformation, and learned to be more critical of information in the future.

Without those experiences, I don't think we would be who we are today. I don't think we would have the skills to assess as well whether a sources is reliable or trustworthy.

Similarly, if a young person grows up in an environment where every instance of sarcasm is accompanied by an "/s", it's probably going to make it even more difficult to recognize sarcasm in the wild.

And it's also probably going to make it more difficult to recognize trolling as well. See the number of people who seemed to think there was even a possibility that system-facts took their life. (Before their ghost started haunting people's inboxes.)

I guess, more than anything, I just really want to encourage people to be skeptical of what sources they trust, and to pay attention to red flags that may indicate when someone is being less than sincere.

[happiness-of-the-pursuit]

Get to Know Me

Hi! I got tagged in two different getting to know people tag games so I am combining them into one :) thanks will be at the bottom :)

Tags below the cut :) but also everyone that I tagged in an answer is welcome to play!

First Set

Last song: Dear Theodosia (@user-anakin, @saintlynomenclature @read-and-write- and I were being emo about all the Hamilton and RWRB parallels, listen to this song & think of Burr as Ellen/Oscar and Hamilton as Arthur)

Last film: Ferrari

Currently reading: Fic, lol, rn I am not chipping away at my tbr and instead slowly rereading Made the Right Selection by @clottedcreamfudge b/c @affectionatelyrs and I love cheerleader Alex/football player Henry

Currently watching: i don't really watch TV besides sports, but I guess Percy Jackson counts ???

Currently consuming: the last thing I ate was a ton of crunchy seasoned chickpeas

Currently craving: dark-chocolate covered honeycomb candy from Sprouts and also cheeto puffs. always, to both.

Next Set

1. Were you named after anyone?

birth name, no, but Rhys is a family name

2. When was the last time you cried?

i literally never cry but listening to dear theodosia in the car and thinking about the rwrb parallels made me tear up???? wild

3. Do you have kids?

nope

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

soccer, basketball, lacrosse, swimming, volleyball, softball, track, cross country, tennis, kickball (I come by sporty spice nickname honestly). tbh I feel like I'm missing some, but I have played all of these at some point

5. Do you use sarcasm?

yeah (and then follows the anxiety that people think I'm being serious)

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their smile, probably, and general facial expressions

7. What’s your eye color?

grey/blue/green to be interpreted by others based on what I'm wearing or the lighting lol

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

sucker for love stories so probably happy ending, but scary movies are fun in big groups

9. Any talents?

see 4 aka sports, I'm kind of a jack of all trades master of none athletically. i can also do a pretty good array of voices or impressions, but not on command as much as when I'm reading something (when I was teaching kids would beg to me to read aloud, which was cute)

10. Where were you born?

this feels doxxy so I shall go southern USA

11. What are your hobbies?

writing, reading, watching basketball or f1, falling down a youtube spiral

12. Do you have any pets?

two dogs, two cats

13. How tall are you?

5' 4" i'm just a little guy

14. Favorite subject in school?

history or english, but i also love ap calc lol

15. Dream job?

i mean i'd love to just be a writer and get to travel/work from anywhere, but also people say making a hobby your job can be dangerous so maybe it's for the best (that's what I tell myself)

This was fun! Thanks for the tags for one or both of these @myheartalivewrites @firenati0n @cultofsappho @suseagull04 @14carrotghoul!!!

In addition to those already tagged, tagging @littlemisskittentoes @inexplicablymine @rockyroadkylers @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @gayrootvegetable @gay-flyboys :)

[sailorgundam308]

BG3 introspection bit

This one isn't edgy or funny. I just feel like sharing, prompted by seeing how, indeed, BG3 is one of the greatest if not THE greatest pieces of entertainment we've got in a long while. But I know for so many people it turned out to be much more than just that. That includes me. To make a long story short, I've been living a full world away from my loved ones for almost a decade, in a place that is particularly hostile towards me. I'm here out of necessity and choice, since my other option happens to be worse. It's been shockingly lonely, until I grew used to the isolation. Still, I made do. I make do. Around a few years back, and especially last year, things took a turn for the much worse. I've spiraled into a very, very dark place, which in turn isolated me even more from other people - but also from myself.

Being so far away from familiarity and the things I love worn me down, and disconnected from who I am and what I enjoy. To the point I effectively stayed in a limbo, frozen in time, empty, for the past years. It's been way more scary than when I was obviously and loudly sad or depressed, because at least then I had energy to react in some way. As an artist by profession and by passion, it was even more concerning that I could not create ANYTHING - words, images, even concepts. My mind had been simply silent, dead. I quite literally spent the last 3-4 years just existing, going to my job like a mindless clockwork because otherwise I wouldn't be able to make rent and end up getting deported. I knew I was utterly and completely lost, and had no idea what I could grab onto to pull me out. It was as if I couldn't move - I did not really wanted to, somehow.

It happens to everyone, I think, that sometimes a seemingly random thing that you engage with unexpectedly becomes a sort of lifeline. It happened to me once before, during a complicated part of my teens. And now it seemed to have happened again because I decided to play Baldur's Gate 3. I mentioned before, I am a bit older and have played BG1 and BG2, and also DnD and the like. I've always been the nerdy artsy type, and it had always fueled my imagination and gave me energy to keep creating, keep moving, searching, growing.

It was really a struck of luck that I heard the news that BG3 was a thing. I was so isolated I did not engage with any piece of media anymore - I watched no news, no movies, no series, read no books. When I think about it, it's really scary how I felt absolutely nothing, how truly empty of any will to live I was. But it's been wild for a while now. I happened to be on 'vacation' when BG3 got released, and I was sucked into it like I was desperate. And I probably was. I needed anything to take me away from where I was, who (or the lack of) I had become. The game did just that. It's not a coincidence I put 750+ hours in it. I could not stand looking at my own circumstances and somehow I managed to finally escape anywhere else. While I recognize I went to the opposite extreme of (problematic) engagement, I also saw how my mind seeemed to switch on again after a while - as if I was reminded of how it used to be.

Ideas, cohesive thoughts, images, the unavoidable urge to move, to create something - all these things that made me ME started to come back.

I remembered how much I enjoyed fantasy, fiction, having ideas, organizing, planning, making things come true - how much just marking a paper with a pencil brings me joy. How my own mind can be rich and exciting, and how I have the skills to translate those impulses into reality. And that is what made me, all my life. It's hard to explain how I feel after 4 years not creating a single thing, having no impulse or creative idea and watching life pass in a haze, now I feel like I'm finally reconecting to something precious. My doctor even pointed it out, how it seems I'm finally waking up after years, coming out of whatever dark hole I've been in.

While it's been a short while, I'm very aware this is essentially a hyperfixation, but for someone who (even though I tried) could not feel anything towards anything for so long, this seems like a blessing. And I'm doing my best to make a stair out of it - use the momentum to branch out into other things I know I need and miss, the other things that have always been part of my life that I'd let go of.

I'm probably not the only one who clicked with this game, and it somehow pulled us out of strange, scary places. Even though it's a lot of projection on our part, people in such situations need something they relate to in order to project onto, to grab to float. Not everything works, it must be something special to the person at the right time. Lucky me that Baldur's Gate 3 happened when it did, the way it did, and that I was where I was.

I'm really, truly happy I stumbled onto the news of the game, for whatever reason took action to actually buy it, open and play it. When I did, I had no idea it would be the lifeline I'd grab onto. But it's been, and it meant so much to me. That's all of my sad introspective blurb. I have no way of explaining how thankful I feel to everyone who put this game together. While it wasn't the intention of the creators, BG3 gave me the push I so desperately needed and that nothing else had managed to.

I'd still be lost in a very dark place without it.

:')