#but i went with the later months because september is also a retrospective of summer and december includes the experience of november yknow

[its-tortle]

— taylor swift albums as months of the year —

[hoursofreading]

I still remember Mr. Walz’s AP Geography class. Seventeen years later.

In Mr. Walz’s class, we tackled the topic of sovereignty with the same intensity that John Randle tackled Brett Farve. My classmates' excitement for AP Geography might seem ludicrous to an outsider, but Mr. Walz had that type of reputation. He would start classes like most teachers, and we followed his lesson plan. But as a class, we eventually learned that if someone asked the right question, Mr. Walz would just answer. And then he would keep answering. He made no secret that sometimes he was not certain, but he would get back to us. We never really kept track until someone did. And then we all started keeping track.

Eager to engage with an adult who actively engaged with us, we quickly discovered that Mr. Walz was a total badass. He was a Master Sergeant in the Army National Guard — he also happens to be the highest-ranked enlisted officer to ever serve in Congress — and he taught in China through WorldTeach. This program was started in 1986 by Harvard University students and partners with governments to provide volunteer teachers to meet local needs and promote responsible global citizenship. Just to reiterate in modern terms, Tim Walz worked for an education startup in China at the end of the Reagan era. Eventually, both Walz’s spent summers taking high schoolers from the Mankato area to visit and learn about China.

A Map of China — Call Out to Joe Rstom & Mr. Ihrig’s World History Class ;)

But in 2001, Mr. Walz answered my AP Geography class’s questions and did not waste time. We talked about where Mr. Walz saw the United States from the perspective of his world travels. This was an AP course, after all. He did his best to respond but didn’t sugarcoat. He explained that what America had done for the world over the past few centuries was remarkable and that we should be proud. But our behavior as a country was not always perfect. As the bell rang for lunch, he summarized his thoughts quickly by saying, “I can’t tell you the where or when, but I think something will happen, and America may not be ready for it.” We went off to eat lunch. Adults say the darndest things.

The actual next day, per my memories, my daily structured reading was interrupted to inform of a plane that had crashed into the Twin Towers. Those were in New York, right? I did not see the events live on TV. But I didn’t have to. It was the only thing on the news for months after. Years after. Decades after. This July, I saw the planes crash into the twin towers while visiting the Fritz Koenig retrospective at the Uffizi galleries in Florence, Italy. How can one watch the wanton destruction of so much life and not see it live?

Every. Single. Time.

But two hours later, on September 11th, in Mr. Walz’s room, we were a tension made form. We had stayed in school, but speculation ran rampant through the halls about that state as a continuance. Despite this, we were also model behavior made form — because Mr. Walz was there.

We all remembered what he had said.

But, on September 11th, Mr. Walz didn’t know what to say. His statement the day before had been a coincidence. Like the rest of us, Mr. Walz had many emotions, chief among them a curiosity about what the U.S. Government would do in response.

As with many educational institutions, the events of September 11th ripped our school apart. Among other obvious topics, in Mr. Walz’s class, we discussed the League of Nations and why it failed. We discussed the United Nations and where it was failing. Too we discussed how the nature of treaties established within the United Nations functioned so all nations could make plans. How productive could a country be if they were chronically looking to see who might invade them or take its livelihoods?

You, the reader, might be well situated to ask, “How important are treaties anyway?��� I suppose my only answer would be to relate that around June 11, 1776, the Continental Congress, while preparing to secede from Britain, resolved to create three committees for three tasks: The creation of the Declaration of Independence, the creation of the Articles of Confederation, and the creation of a “Model Treaty” to guide foreign relations. These men were going to war. And Treaties were right up there. Right near the top.

But I am still so grateful for that school year. Because Mr. Walz helped me understand something that was not obvious about treaties. At least to a teenage boy who rarely left Minnesota. During our discussions, I wondered aloud how any nation would be held to account if they violated their treaties. Mr. Walz duly responded to the current state of international relations, explaining the United Nations Security Council, warts and all. But something still did not sit right with me. If this system was the world’s most tried and true solution, why were there still so many humanitarian issues tremoring the fault lines of the world?

“Mr. Walz,” I asked. “Why does any nation have to adhere to these treaties?”

“You know, Kyle,” Mr. Walz responded, “it’s almost like we wrote this lesson plan together. Because they don’t.” When your parents are teachers, you see the work that goes into a lesson plan, and this was the best compliment I ever received in high school.

As discussed much earlier, sovereignty applies to nations but also people. Understanding that no nation, and no person, is necessarily obligated to anything is a life lesson. And Mr. Walz gave life lessons to his students. Because Mr. Walz is a teacher. And not just because it looks cute on a placard or as a tagline in some political ad. Mr. Walz was one of a family of teachers at Mankato West High School that dared to look me in the eye to explain the world we both lived in.

But yes. I got to discuss the nature of treaties and politics with the man currently running for Governor in Minnesota right after September 11th. Totally. Normal. Right? Well yeah, it was. He was my AP Geography teacher then. Because Mr. Walz didn’t use 9/11 as his springboard into politics — that event came years later.

As you’ll remember, Mrs. Walz is a teacher too. She most certainly knew about that idealized American Scholar Emerson so greatly cherished in his speech when Mr. Walz and a group of Mankato West students were unceremoniously interrogated at a George W. Bush rally after one student was found to have a John Kerry sticker on his wallet.

And that is all I know about it.

[sp00kybitme]

Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

[xfadingstarx]

A Bleach Retrospective: In defense of Bleach

These are opinions, please respect that.

_______________________________

My Journey with Bleach (please skip if you want to go straight to the analysis):

On September the 8th, 2006 YTV’s weekend evening anime programming block (Bionix) aired the first episode of Bleach. I, unfortunately, did not catch this episode, instead, I caught the second episode on September 15th the following week. I was ten and from then on, Bleach fascinated me. It had an interesting concept, tight pacing, catchy music, a good story, and unique character designs. I also really enjoyed how Bleach lacked the same kind of emotional labour that Naruto demanded (as child who survived off of constantly seeking validation from others because of absentee parents, Naruto is way too much work).

My fascination with Bleach got me started in the fandom communities of yesteryear, for I was a child with zero internet supervision. My introduction to fanfiction was because I loved Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Bleach was my entry into poetry (poem at the start of every volume).

But alas, all good things were not meant to last and by the summer of 2009, I was officially done with Bleach. It had felt stilted for some time before then. Over the years, I would gradually revisit bits and pieces of Bleach, but I would not read it in its entirety until months after its finish, about a decade after I had first saw Bleach on my TV. Between the time I stopped reading and the series ended, I became friends with people who didn’t think highly of Bleach and I also started seeing criticism I had made about Bleach in 2011 being repeated by fans on the internet, I started to think that maybe Bleach was bad, but I knew what bad writing looked like —I started reading fanfiction through Bleach fanfiction AMVs on YouTube — and somehow Bleach didn’t sit right with me in the “bad writing category”. 

I sit back now, a decade and ahalf later from when I first started and ask, “was Bleach really that bad, and if so, why do I keep coming back to it?”

-----------------------------------------------

What Made Bleach So Good?

Unique story and aesthetics: When Bleach first started in 2001, it was one of the first manga series to talk about souls and death in a poetic way and with such coherence. Bleach clearly knew what it wanted to say about life and death. It also had a very unique aesthetic, very similar to that of “The World Ends With You” or “Persona 5″ — an urban Japanese take on R&B kind of vibe. Also, Bleach had the most “realistic” and minimalist art style amongst the Big 3.

Cool Music: Bleach had cool music, from very solid rock’n’roll and R&B style songs in its OPs and EDs to very funky OST music with lots of pizzazz. Many singers feature by Bleach ended up successful (to varying degrees) outside of anime, eg: Orange Range, UVERworld, YUI, sid, etc.

Versatile tone: Bleach was edgy, there’s no doubt about that. It was willing to show a lot of blood and bodily violence, especially in the manga (eg half of people blowing up and bits of bone still attached). Despite this though, it was not pretentious about its edginess — it didn’t revel in it. To contrast the edginess, there is a lot of humour in Bleach with character interactions. It was able to be laid back enough with its strong characters that it would rely on the characters’ relationships for comedic relief. The post-credit skits and the fillers really helped to add to this overall feel as well.

Maturity of the Story: Bleach was very willing to handle topics that made people think. For example, the Ulquiorra - Orihime subarc was treated with a sense of carefulness about it, as if to reflect Ulquiorra’s own cautious curiosity about the heart. A less emotionally mature story would’ve gone for the cheap rape/torture porn, but instead we are treated to determined strong Orihime, who has found strength through the heart after the death of her brother, clashing with the nihilistic hollow who wants to know if there is happiness outside of emptiness. It’s a very loaded question and one that requires both perspective and life experience to fully understand both parties. As well, Bleach always knew what it wanted to say about life and death as the final conflict of Bleach is between Ichigo, who has accepted his transient life and Yhwach, who is scared of death. And ultimately, underneath all that action, Bleach produced takes on its themes that were hard to relate to unless the reader themselves had a certain level of emotional maturity (eg: 12 year old me got nothing out of the Ulqui-Ori arc, but 20 year old me spent a good 10 mins crying after)

Strong characters: Contrary to popular belief, Bleach does have quite solid characterization. In fact, Bleach is the journey of Ichigo as a character, from grappling with his weakness and pain to finally accepting all the parts of himself and his history in order to defeat Yhwach and protect those he cares about. Even the secondary characters of Bleach receive a sizable amount of backstory and/or development. Bleach also managed to have more proactive female characters. Even the damsel in distress Orihime stands up to Ulquiorra and slaps him. As a result of these strong characters, Bleach was able to rely on them and their relationships to drive aspects of the story (eg Ichigo crying in the Fullbringer arc).

Willingness to Deal with Emotion: Given that Ichigo is an internally motivated character, it was obvious Bleach would deal with emotion at some point in time. Making Ichigo just a normal high school boy also relives the previous edginess. Bleach also clearly too the time to make its readers feel in its early years. We are treated to beautiful panelling and very real displays of strong negative emotions. Bleach is also very good at giving its characters room to breathe and be sad. Eg: moping Orihime, moping Ichigo, etc. As well, Kubo went to extraordinary lengths to break Ichigo down during the Fullbringers Arc.

Interesting Character Designs: Every character in Bleach feels vibrant and unique with their personality showing through in their designs. For example: Shunshi’s sloppily tied up hair, visible stubble, and overcoat-hidden-haori show that he is both easy going and not looking for a fight; meanwhile Byakuya’s neatly pulled back hair and neck covered by scarf show that he is both someone who likes structure and is conservative.

Poetry and Symbolism: Kubo manages to weave poetry into Bleach in the beginning of each volume. The poem was said by the character on the volume. It gave the reader insight to this character and it gave Kubo a chance to flex his poetic chops. Further proof of this is the fact that many people don’t realize that the name “Bleach” refers to the bleaching of soul that is key to the story. Kubo loves to use rain to set sad scenes. It rains when Ichigo fights Grand Fisher, Zangetsu tells Ichigo that he hates the rain, etc. Kubo also specifies that he wishes for the reader to read certain volumes on stormy, rainy nights.

Panelling: Many people like to criticize Kubo for the lack of effort with the Bleach manga, but Kubo has stated that he uses negative space (i.e., foregoing backgrounds) to focus more on his character’s expressions. This not only further proves that Bleach cares a lot about its characters, but it’s done well enough that the average reader likely doesn’t notice the lack of background on the first read through. As well, Bleach has very cinematic panelling. Kubo uses the format of manga well, utilizing the human mind’s ability to fill blanks in with clever panelling to create tone and build tension and the feeling of movement through a scene.

In fact, in finding pages for this analysis, I found myself noticing that Bleach panels very similarly to slice-of-life shoujo but with a boy MC manga like "Horimiya": focus on expression through intimate angles and use of panels and breaks to create mood and the feeling of cinema; whereas something like DBZ panels like a shounen action manga with many hard lines and action shots, instead of a focus on subtle details and emotions.

Some Examples:

Notice now in Chapter 197: The approaching danger, Kubo uses a gradual zoom to build tension and the black background to add intensity and signal to the reader that Hitsugaya is relaying important information.

Here in Chapter 234: Not Negotiation, the immediate close up to Ulquiorra’s eye from the full body shots creates a sense of intimidation and unease with its sudden intimacy. As well, the immediate zoom in from Ulquiorra’s side full body shot to his facial profile creates tension and the change from the dark background to the white face with Orihime releases this tension (very fitting with considering the line for this panel is “but not you”). (This scene also ties into Ulquiorra’s central dogma of “that which is not reflected in my eyes does not exist’.)

Again in the same chapter, this gradual zoom in on the two creates tension that is then release in the next panel and summarily cements Ulquiorra as a terrifying BAMF.

In Chapter 262: Unblendable, Kubo uses the negative space to create a feeling of isolation, similar to how Orihime is supposed to be feeling.

In the same chapter, notice how Kubo creates a sense of intimacy (not in the romance sense) with the relationship of Ulquiorra and Orihime. He creates tension gradually with the zooming into Orihime’s eye and releases it with the zoom out to Ulquiorra. Through this scene, Kubo has shown us that Ulquiorra and Orihime have a tense relationship and with the implication of eye contact through the shots and panel breaks creating both the intimacy and showing Orihime’s defiance.

(Interestingly, I’ve noticed that Ulquiorra and Orihime have a lot of these intimate zoom shot-reverse-shot eye panels)

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What are the Bad Parts of Bleach?

Okay, so by now, you’re probably thinking that I’m ignoring the massive amounts of critique that Bleach gets and don’t get me wrong, while Bleach does have a very special place in my heart, I’m also not maudlin enough to pretend that Bleach was all good.

Pacing:

Pacing in the First Half of Bleach (Karakura Town - Arrancar)

When Bleach first started out the pacing was excellent. Kubo showed great mastery of pace to control the tone and highlight the emotions throughout the first two arcs. Mid-way through the Arrancar arc, the fatigue sets in and it was hard to keep up with, especially since Kubo would interrupt one exciting fight set up to go set up more plot elsewhere (eg Fake Karakura town right as Ichigo and Ulquiorra were about to battle). Whilst looking back and reading it all at once does help with the pacing, it was frustrating if you were reading/watching on a weekly basis.

Pacing in the Anime:

I don’t ascribe to a simplistic belief of “fillers bad” simply because I think that sometimes fillers can be a good thing, for example, since every chapter is ~15-20pp, some character interactions have to be cut for the sake for space, so filler is a great opportunity to add those moments back into your story. For example, a lot of early Bleach fillers are just the people of Karakura town just hanging out. That being said, Bleach does have an unfortunate amount of fillers, with some of them even interrupting tense fights (eg the Beast Sword Arc interrupts Ichigo’s battle with Ulquiorra). However, the padding that the fillers provided did wonders for the transition between Soul Society to Arrancar Arc in the anime. Ultimately, the Bleach anime adaption was a long-running anime made for syndication and that’s okay.

******* Brief Aside: many people like(d?) to point out that Bleach has a very cyclical plot structure. I used to think this way too; however, this is not the case. There are many other long running stories that repeat similar goals. The problem lies not in the idea, but the execution. The main complaint about the Orihime rescue was not that it was uninteresting, but instead that it felt a rehash of the plot of the previous arc. This is largely because the story was not given enough time to breath between similar character arcs. For example, in One Piece, Luffy and Co have to save Nami and by extension, her home village so she can join them; however, the next time a Straw Hat needs to be saved is 227 chapters (2 whole story arcs) later. In between saving Rukia and Orihime, there is only a really an arrancar encounter, a bit of training, cheering up Ichigo, and a Grimmjow encounter before Orihime goes with Ulquiorra, thus making the goal of this arc “save Orihime” in only ~59 chapters vs 227. These two similar arc goals so close to each other does indeed create the sense of repetition.

Pacing from Fullbringer to End:

This is where Bleach really lost a lot of people. If you weren’t gone after the Ulquiorra fight, you probably were by this arc.This arc went at breakneck speed, and ngl, during my first full read through I almost gave up here too. I mention earlier that Ichigo had been broken down in this arc, but it was hard to feel his despair and the weight on his shoulders because there wasn’t enough for the reader to take a beat and breathe. The Thousand Year Blood War, similarly suffered from sloppy pacing, with many readers feeling like story lines of Squad 0 and the Soul King were anti-climactic. As well, this arc started with a massacre and feature the deaths of many fan-favourite characters, and unfortunately due to the pacing, their deaths were not given a sense of gravity.

Missed Opportunities and Forgotten Story lines: Many people felt that Kubo forgot about a lot of his characters after the Aizen arc. Many thought the Fullbringer Arc was going to be a Chad/Orihime Arc. Whatever happened to Uryuu lolol? We all just collectively forgot about him for a large portion of the last half of Bleach. At one point in time, there was a rumour going around that Kubo had written out the story for Bleach and lost it. Idk if there is any credibility to it. However, in a 2017 interview, Kubo did say that he did end the series exactly the way he wanted to.

(If anyone wants to see me write an entire ass text post about Orihime and her treatment in Bleach, please let me know because I will do it)

Too mature:Even though above, I praised Bleach's mature handle on its themes, an unfortunate side effect of this is forgetting that the characters are only 15 at the beginning and for the first half of Bleach. This unfortunately, leads to some readers feeling disconnected from Bleach.

Epilogue: THE DESTROYER OF SHIPS!!! A lot of people hated this ending. Many people felt like the romance was shoe-horned in, others didn’t like the pairings, and there were some people who actually liked it. Personally, I didn’t like it too much, but it was a cute conclusion nonetheless. Since it didn't add anything to the story except for a "where are they now" look and because of that, I low-key felt like it was unnecessary, but w/e.

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Perspective

Making a long-running weekly serialized story is hard and doing it for 15 years is gruelling (obligatory “fuck capitalism” here). Like many artists of long-running manga, Kubo destroyed his health for the sake of publishing Bleach weekly. Kubo on his health after Bleach (photo from AshitanoGin on Twitter):

Given this insight, I think it’s only fair to be respectful and grateful for Kubo’s contribution to the anime-sphere. Also, through his work, Kubo seems to be a very understanding person and artist. I’m sure he knows better than anyone where Bleach went wrong, but there’s nothing that can be done now. Despite him having a twitter, he is not Joanne and doesn’t feel the need to constantly hemorrhage out word of god info about Bleach (and thank god for that).

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Final Thoughts

It’s hard to forget my happy memories when I think about Bleach. It had my first adolescent crush and first OTP. As a result, I think the best way to enjoy Bleach is to take what you want out of it. People always think that something has to be 100% without flaw for it to be good, but that is not true at all. It is totally okay to just like the parts that you like without engaging with anything else. It’s special to you for a reason, you know? 

There’s no use in fretting over what Bleach could’ve been, besides, very rarely is the reality better than the fantasy in your head.

I do think though that a lot of Kubo’s issues could’ve been fixed if he planned the story better but not all of us can be “I've been planning One Piece since elementary school” Oda Eiichiro.

Other voices on this issue: here

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Wow. I can’t believe you made it this far down. Congratulations! Thanks for reading my 2:30am non-sober take on Bleach (it only took me 7 hours to write). Here's a cookie <3

[popculturebuffet]

The Three Caballeros Movie Review: Rejoice Now Donald’s Been Laid (Commission)

It’s time at long last we talked about those three happy chappies in snappy serapes. Who say so? @weirdkev27​ say so! He’s planning on funding an ENTIRE retrospective on the boys, so in addition to my Tom Lucitor Retrospective (Expect that to return very soon as one of the episodes in it is time sensitive), Road to Just Us Justice Ducks, and look at “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck”. I’m proud to announce a new recurring feature on this blog “The Ride of the Three Caballeros!”, a look back at these birds of a feather who flock together and their wild and wonderful history cumulating in “The Legend of The Three Caballeros”.  Honestly I thank Kev for the idea as it’s a damn good one. Ever since seeing them on House of Mouse, which I both really need to cover and Disney needs to add already as we’re a year into Disney plus already, I’ve loved Jose and Panchito, and reading barks story years ago, and again recently, gave me a lasting love of these goofs. They have great snappy designs are the rare pre-ducktales 2017 non duck bird character, and have wonderful personalities. There’s nothing not to love and thus nothing not to love about covering their adventures. So i’m excited for this and not just for the much needed christmas money.  Naturally we’re starting the adventure here with the founding of the trio, though Kev, for now he could change his mind, choose to start with this movie instead of it’s predecessor Saludos Amigos,  on this date for two reasons. The first is it’s Friday the 13th, which besides being the basis for an utter classic of a Hey Arnold episode

Which yes for those unfamiliar with Hey Arnold features Arnold dealing with a spell of bad luck, some bullies and his grandmother dressing up wlike a black cat to rescue black cats, which is sweet.. and training them into her horrifying army of the damned, which is somehow still sweet as it is awesome.  It’s also the day this guy barges into my house thinking it’s camp crystal lake

I swear to gods Jason GET A FUCKING PHONE WITH GPS. We are not clearly not teenagers. And he’s always so embarrassed and the stab wounds always take so long at the hospital to treat. It’s just a mess.  But it’s also, according to this film Donald’s BIrthday! This was during an earlier point in his career, that will be important in a bit, so Disney hadn’t yet settled on their tradition of having their characters birthday’s being the same date as their first appearance. For the record that would make Donald and Della’s current birthday June 7th. I did a special on Donald Duck shorts for it this year. Not sure what i’ll do the next. We will see. And for fun and my own curiosity I looked up the birthdates of some of the other Ducktales castmembers as well as my boys here They are: 

Jose: August 24th (World Premier of Saludos Amigos)  Panchito: December 21st (The Mexico City Premiere Date for this very movie) Scrooge: November 14th (Thank you INducks seriously it’s a massive help with this.  Daisy: June 7th (Debut of Mr. Duck Steps out) Huey, Dewey and Louie: October 17th (First appearance in Donald’s Newspaper Strip) Webby, Beakley and Launchpad: September 18th, thanks to launchpad’s driver’s license as well as all three characters debuting in the opening arc. Though to separate them i’d likely  try to find different dates for both. For now i’m going with October 12th for Mrs. Beakly (The airing date for the Ducktales 87 ep maid of myth) and October 29th for Webby (the airing date for another 87 episode, this one about webby and a horse).  Gladstone: August 15th, as while it was released in january there is no firm release date for it. Plus a summer birthday fits him better anyways. Thank you Inducks for that.  Magica:  September 28th, finally a firm publication date. While there’s a creation date unlike Gladstone I see no need to use it.  Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard: September 6th GLOMGOLD: July 26th Was that entirely necessary? No Would I do it again.. absolutely. It also means I really need to do something for Scrooge’s Birthday in two days. But that’s future me’s problem. Current day me has his own problems specifically a movie review to continue.  The films genesis was a in a good will tour Disney did in South America, as part of America’s Good Neighbor Policy. FDR started it in order to try and strengthen ties between Latin America and North America, to prevent any sort of war with our close neighbors and to foster good economic ties between both as well as integrate Latin culture into americans lives to make them care about those countries more. And given it was started as HItler’s rise to power grew, and America knew they’d inevitably be dragged into World War II, and thus wanted to put the kibosh on several Latin American’s Nazi Ties. So in exchange for Money, since Disney was struggling due to overextending itself and the big animator’s strike at the time, The US sent Walt and some of his animatiors to South America, where MIckey Donald and Goofy were big and to make a film based there. Hence we got Saludos Amigos which is .. kind of forgettable to be honest, though the Gaucho Goofy segment is fantastic as the “How to” shorts with goofy around the time usually were. But the film gave us Jose, hence why Donald and him are familiar with each other here, and was a moderate success. This lead to the Goverment, who’d already contracted a bunch of propaganda, one of which I covered in my Donald Duck Shorts Birthday Marathon because it contained prototypes for Gladstone and Scrooge, so another feature for South America was a win win: The US got another way to strengthen ties between the Americas, and Disney got a film they could put out during said war to lift spirits, as well as on that would likely be a hit in South America due to them not being under wartime money crunch or the misery of having a war looming overhead. As a side note. I found out after looking at the wikpiedia article on The Good Neighbor Program.. it eventually and sadly collapsed as the US post WWII shifted to the Cold War and thus threw away non interference if it meant beating the Russians. Classy.  So yeah.. this film and i’ts predecessor are technically propaganda pictures. There was also another disney full length propoganda picture about fighter jets, I only learned about this thanks to the slashfilm article I found on the movie that told me a lot of this in the first place. It’s not avaliable but it should be.. though at the very least unlike say House of Mouse, Wander Over Yonder, Penn Zero: Part Time Hero, American Dragon Jake Long, The Weekenders, Pepper Anne and MANY more, it’s absence from Disney + makes sense. And I will continue to bitch about this till Disney actually starts adding more legacy animated shows, or at least makes a few of it’s own, though I will concede reviving the Mickey Mouse shorts that Disney Channel started up is a VERY good first step and i’m sure What If and Proud Family: Louder and Prouder will be fine. I just want more animation content on the streaming platform of one of the biggest animation studios in the world with one of the most storied histories. I’m REALLY not asking a lot. 

That bit of bitching aside I will give Disney+ credit where it’s due. The service offers MOST of the Disney vault for a very reasonable price a month, in crisp HD, and thus allows someone like me, who hasn’t really dived into the disney vault and slept on watching three cabs despite borrowing it from some friends, to dive into beautiful animation like this any time. It also allows me to explore disney’s older films, the ones I want to anyway, at my leisure and it’s a REALLY nice feeling. It’s also nice to have all the various animated shows in nice clean copies. So while there are sizeable gaps in the library, many of which as highlighted above have no reason for not being there and some like Song of the South have DAMN GOOD reason for never being there, I still apricate the service for being a vast, glorious digital library of Disney content as well as stuff they’ve acquired like the marvel show library, and this review would not have been as easy to do without it. So with my opinions on D+ and the exposition for WHY this exists out of the way, as I couldn’t find much else on this flim’s background, join me after the read more for a full review of the film! Who says so? I says so! 

We open with.. the Disney+ content warning again. In my review of the last part of “Catch as Cash Can” I went on about how much I apricated it and it stands: while i’m not blind that it’s a blanket statement to cover disney’s rears, it’s still apricated for them to care enough to force the content warning on the viewer. Given how bad they usually are at falling on the right side of history, this is very admirable. Though thankfully this film isn’t as offensive as the last content warning I got for the last part of “Catch as Cash can” aka “Watch registered White Guy Hamilton Camp play a bad indian sterotype for 22 minutes while my soul slowly dies”. Here there are bits, which i’ll get to now to save me the trouble later: The Littlest Gaucho’s side characters are all drawn pretty carcturish and a bit cringe inducing. The other is of course Panchito our Mexican representative.. who wears a sombrero and shoots two pistols around. And there’s just a tinge of white man going ot another country to get laid with the way Donald behaves throughout the picture. Basically little touches here and there but nothing that spoils the picture overall or makes whole scenes unwatchable. Still worth having the warning up, but not worth getting too worked up over.  So onto the film itself and as mentioned i’ts Donald’s birthday! And I will say the film has lots of great little gags here and there.. I won’t be pointing all of them out because this film was 70 minutes long but their very charming. HIs first gift is a projector and screen.. which he naturally has to fight to get working and which first projects on his ass, already a good start. And a general thought I like is how receptive Donald is to soaking in another culture. He just seems joyusly enthralled by the various films, gifts and places his friends bring him.. 

But again we’ll get to that. Point is it’s very nice to see Disney portay learning about another culture so positively and with such a hot head as donald. Even if i’ts in part to appease the US Goverment, ther’es a genuine feeling that they truly fell in love with these countries and aren’t JUST shilling them because it’s in their contract, but because they genuinelly liked it there.  So with that we get to our first segment. See the film is one of Disney’s Package films, anthology films taking a bunch of short segments and pasting them together, but here it’s framed through the narrative of DOnald’s birthday, so there is KIND of a plot.. but it’s mostly an excuse for musical numbers, short films, and more musical numbers.

Dammit Elmo, we will get to it! So naturally i’l lbe dividing up this review into various pieces. First up...

1. The Cold Blooded Penguin: Life of Pablo, The Good Version This is a brief but endearing short about a Penguin named Pablo who dosen’t like cold weather, can relate, and wants to move to some tropical paradise, again can relate. It’s BARELY related to the theme of hte movie, celebrating Central and South America, but it’s so damn charming I can’t help but love it. And Pablo is so damn adorable, as are his friends. I mean look at him. 

He’s just so precious and you just want him to finally get to his paradise with the help of his friend, his boiler there smokey joe, and root for him as his farewell party dwindles from a bunch of penguins to just bob and gary here. 

I may love Gary, the tall one, more than I love Pablo honestly> His sad eyes or the way he’s the ONLY one who sticks it out to the end, seeing Pablo off at last. Pablo’s first attempts, going without his boiler, which just ends iwth him freezing and attempting to carry smokey joe on his back both fail, he eventually decides to go with a boat and cleverly simply saws the ice berg he’s on so it’ll drift with his house and possessions, and has Gary hit it with a bottle both to christen it and to send it flying. Plus having bags on the bags on my eyes myself, I can relate to their tired expressions. As can we all after this year. Just a month and a half and it’s finally blessedly over. 

Pablo makes his way through, finally finding his island only to nearly have his iceberg melt before he gets there. But he persevers and gets his paradise, even adorably eating a banana> Though it ends on a mealoncholy yet still funny note of Pablo missing home even though he has a pet turtle/butler now. Man I want one of those.  One final note is that the short is narrated greatly by Sterling Holloway.. aka the future WInnie The Pooh using that exact voice which while a little weird in hindsight, just makes the short that more adorable if you imagine Pooh is reading a story to you. Just a really damn cute short with some good and intentive gags, and penguins. I mean i’ll be honest I have a soft spot in my hart for those tudeoxed boys thanks to the comic strip BLoom County and it’s lead character Opus taking up a LOT of real estate in my heart and brain. Here’s a few samples of him just so you get why.  

Just a sweetheart. Though his honker would grow exponenitally with time. And once get grabbed by a card carrying MAGA asshole. But I can talk about my boy here and this strip again another day. Point is I may love pengies but even that aside this is a good short and a good way to start things off. Sadlly the pacing then lops out a bit as the next two bits aren’t QUITE as entertaining. 

2. Birds Birds Birds: Of Arcuan BIrds and Toucan Sex Donald then watches a film on birds, and i’ts basically just a bunch of short funny gags with various tropical birds. There are a FEW notable bit sin the short, and I will get to them now, but otherwise it’s just okay.. not great but not exactly memorable. I honestly forgot there was anything BUT the Arcuan bird in this bit. Speaking of which A) The Arcuan Bird, a hyperactive pink little guy who makes a little “yatatata” noise, and boops donald a bit and later shows up in the film to steal Jose’s Cigar. Easily the most entertaining part of this section and there’s a reason why he became a massive fan faviorite, as well as got a more expanded roll in Legend of the Three Cablleros. He’d also apparently later return for another Package Film. What a bird.  B) There’s a bit with Toucans, which I remember because I freaking love Toucans, the big colorful beaks look neat contrasted with their black and white bodies and they seem friendly and the one fictional one besides Toucan Sam I can rmemeber is Tuca of Tuca and Bertie. Nuff said. And because they mention the Tucan’s making love. First off this is how a Tucan makes love. 

And secondly, clealry the term has evolved considerably, but it’s still chuckle inducing to have that term in a disney movie, especially since it makes me think of a number of things most notably this. 

Which, fun fact, is the song that will likely be sung when Donald and Daisy finally have sex in the Ducktales Reboot. Della didn’t buy those choir robes for nothing. Though the joke here is simply that they can’t kiss because they have big noses. GET IT. Though I have seen incompatable noses end marriages. 

See I told you his honker got bigger. Okay onto the 3rd thing from this bit. 

C) The Flamingos, who retract into themselves while Donald adorably copies. What a boy. With that I can move on from this segement thankfully and onto... an even worse one!.. wait... 

3. The Littlest Gaucho: The Boring One  This one’s a leftover from Saludos Amigos, likely because that one already had a Gaucho Bit with goofy and because it’s not very good. But Disney was strapped for cash so use everything you got. And yes I advocated for using everything in my review of life and times part 1.. but that’s more for a shared universe and left “Oh hey I found this short in our garbage let’s put it in another movie to save money” way. I appreciate being cheap, I myself am unemployed and right now these reviews are my source of income, but you could’ve just you know.. let the film be shorter? You didn’t have to waste animation leading inito this bit.  This one is the story of a young boy, as narrated by his older self who can somehow see through the veil of time and yell at his younger self. How? 

But it dosen’t really help the story as i’ve seen far better interactive narrators and ones clearly editing history. Especially since, despite ending on a VERY sour note, How I Met Your Mother was a pro at this. It’s not the film’s fault, but even back int he 40′s I swear they could do this better. 

It’s the simple story of the little Gaucho finding a flying Donkey, befriending him, and then entering him in a jockey race which they win. There’s one or two good gags here, but it dosen’t have the cutness of the previous segments and only one or two good gags. It just feels like filler and if I watch the film again, which I probably will, I will fast forward past this. Thankfully after this we finally get a break. 

4. A Song For Bahia: They call him JOSEEEEEEEEE.. and he’s Donald

Jose enters! Donald’s next gift is a book from Brazil that’s smoking..mostly because so’s Jose. The two friends reunite, with Jose in a story book asking Donald about , what I assume is Jose’s home state of Bahia, one of Brazil’s 20 states and spelled Baia in this movie for some reason.  We then get an absolutely beautiful sequence of Jose’s voice actor singing about Bahia and showing off how beautiful the country is through gorgeous animation. It’s a really marvelous segment and really pretty to look at. And once that segment’s done the film starts to pick up in energy, though unlike the Gaucho segment, the Bahia song is actually good. 

5.  Os Quindins de Yayá: The Sleeper Has Awakened.. and by the sleeper I mean Donald’s Penis.  There’s a few bits here. We start with the wonderful song, “Have You Ever Been to Bahia?”.. which is almost entirely Jose asking that to donald who says no, with some fun mindscrewy animation.. the film has not BEGUN to mindscrew, but we’ll get to that. 

Also for this segment Jose apparently has Jamie Madrox powers.. or he’s from Cragg.. either way, Donald hasn’t been to Baia so let’s go. The boys take a train, the Arucan messes things up again, etc etc and soon their in Baia where two major aspects of the film show up: Blending Live action with animation, and Donald being really horny. It’s not to a creepy degree outside of one segment, we’ll get there, but Donald being really into live action women is a major part of three segments of this film. If your wondering while Daisy had debuted, she wasn’t the ETCHED IN STONE, presence she’d become for Donald. Which I don’t have a problem with, I love them in Ducktales 2017, their one of the few tolerable aspects of the quack pack’s i’ve watched, and they were great in House of Mouse. I”m just saying some works don’t really have her around in them (Donald’s spy and papernik adventures), while other more charming and eligible women are, while others have her as outright abusive (Legend of the Three Caballeros). I’m not against Donsy when done properly, again huge fan of the Ducktales 2017 version of the couple, I just dont’ think it has to be mandatory. The fact the Italian comics made Donald a fairly likeable alien queen as a love interest proves it. 

But yeah here Donald’s thirsty as fuck, can relate, and thus we get our next musical number.. and that blend of live action and animation. I will admit, especially on second viewing.. it’s pretty obvious their mostly using a green screened animated backdrop with the charcters on it. The other segments are much more integrated. That being said.. i’m perfectly fine with it, as Disney was on a really low budget, only able to get financing for package films like this since their main financer wouldn’t given them money for anything but shorts, so it was a workaround, not to mention having a mass talent exodus over the strike and World Fucking War II to contend with. So cheeping out on ONE segment in a large film, and STILL having it come out good is fine just fine. And it truly does, the segment centers around Yaya, a cookie seller and the object of Donald’s affections, though he gets mad when a guitar man slips in and woos her instead for a bit before eventually leaving her alone, with Donald getting a kiss. But while parts of that clearly haven’t aged well, it’s an utterly joyous and fun musical number in an already fun musical, and Aurora Miranda who plays Yaya, and is sister of Carmen Miranda something Disney actually put in promotional materials.... come to think of it I didn’t watch the trailer.. I’ll get to it in a moment. Point is, Miranda is very talented and it’s  VERY fun number. Have a listen since the sequence itself is WAY to long to put video of up on youtube. 

And having watched the trailer during that music break, it’s not bad, I expected more cringe. The most I got was them calling the women “latin american lovlies” which.. seems.. wrong. But with the romance of Bahia setting and Donald dragged out by Jose, we can get into our next segement as, over halfway in, we finally get our third Cabllero 

6. The Three Cablleros: Who Say So? We Say So!

HERE COMES THE PANCHITO Ladies and Gentleman and Others! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the moment you’ve been waiting for! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the pride of Mexico! HERE COMES PANCHITO! Panchito Pistoles! 

When then meet Panchito who joyfully shoots guns around, because stereotype but thankfully he’s also joyful, jubilant and likeable much like his pal Jose. Panchito’s just a thoughtly likeable character and next to his smooth talking pal, it’s easy to see why the two became huge fan favorites. And thus we get our title track. 

IT’s a beautiful, fun segment, that while some portions, such as Panchito’s yelling or “some Latin baby’ haven’t aged particularly well, is still a fun colorful number with amazing music and great gags, that utterly sells our boys camaraderie. I have no notes, ten out of ten flawless classic number. Who Say So? I SAY SO! Also given both boys kiss Donald at some point.. yeah these boys are bi as fuck and damn i’ts awesome. 

7. Mexico: Bored Again, Naturally.  Donald then gets a pinata and we get a short story about a bunch of kids going around to places only to be told “no shelter no posada”. Like the Gauchito bit.. it’s pretty boring and nonconesquential and only gets a leg up due to being far shorter and a little adorable versus not really as adorable as the segement thinks it is. The kids end up at a party with a pinata. We do get a fun sequence after this nothing of a story of Donald batting a pinata around while the boys mess with him a bit. It’s fun stuff.  Out of the PInata we get another storybook, and another slow segement of Panchito singing about mexico which is a less fluidly animated, and thus far less entertaining, version of the Bahia song.. diffrent song, same premise of a bird melodically and beautifully singing about his home land, but less engaging because it’s just still images. I get they were low on budget but while I can forigve that for the Yaya sequence.. this one.. I just can’t as they not only already did this, but did it less good the second time around. The song is lovely though, and I do miss a time in our culture when we looked at Mexico with fondness and didn’t have a FAR too large portion of our population think anyone from there should go back where they came when they come to our brave country to find shelter, aslym and opportunity just because they didn’t go through “proper channels’ even though that’s difficult. WHat i’m saying is fuck our immigration policy for the last 4 years, and bless the president-elect for planning to fix that ASAP. I felt it was worth mentioning in a review ABOUT a Mexican character who, in the reboot, is an immigrant to America. 

8. Everybody Dance: Another fun number. 

We’re onto Mexico and it’s time for another musical number

So our heroes dance, Donald hits on some more women.. stuff we’ve seen before but it’s still a fun beautiful song and unlike the last bit while the animation has clearly aged enough to be more obvious, it still looks great next to the various live action dancers and blends real well. A fun time that gives us more great music and another reminder from donald that...

I mean I get being thirsty as shit, again can relate.. but the next segment takes it from Donald and the Boys being kinda horny to. 

9. The Beach: Donald Gets Creeptacular

Yeah this bit is .. less endearing. The boys fly the serape over to a beach, and divebomb the girls, which isn’t a sex act.. that i’m aware of. But yeah chasing around several women, and donald leaving the Serape to chase them around old beach movie/benie hill/trying my patience style. It’s cringe is what i’m saying as a man literally chasing a woman around is considered flirtitng here and that’s all kinds of EUGGGGHHHH. The previous segments had Donald be kind of respectful in his woman chasing: while he was pretty horny, he also tipped his hat, flirted a bit, asked to dance you know, normal shit.. not decided “let’s chase them with a serape that will turn them on!’ jesus.. yeah not much to say here either just.. really creepy. But we have not reached peak horny donald yet.. oh no. 

10. Donald’s Surreal Revere: WHAT EXACTLY THE FUCK. 

Dora Luz appears in the sky of Mexico after the boys exit the book and flip to Mexico’s night life... just go with hit and Donald swoons over her before joining her int he book and after getting a kiss from her and swooning over her.. has an acid trip. I .. I don’t know how else to describe Donald’s surreal reverie. It’s clear Walt just told the animators do whatever. I will TRY to describe this sequence as best I can, but I make no promises except what I describe is exactly what happened, see for yourself.

Okay so after Dora’s magical floating kisses, just go with it, kiss donald he explodes, in a rocket blast clearly symbolizing his errection, then becomes a neon sign and a hummingbird, just go with it, tries to kiss Dora’s image appearing on a flower, then Jose and Panchito BURST out of the flower with tiny chipmunk voices and gun violence, a SCREAMING TECHNICOLOR TRANSTION, dora singing the song in the middle of a flower again , donald making out with the flower but it turning out ot be panchito with a giraffe neck saying “Some fun eh kid?”, donald falling through a sea of ladies, donald chasing the ladies on a serape. Donald’s disembodied head looking at the ladies before bursting out of the picture to chase them GOOD GOD DID WE NEED MORE OF THAT?! The boys ending up on female bodies and them some sort of horse abomination. Then we get into what must of inspiried a young david Lynch as donald kisses the flower agian, then ends up in one as they replay a creepy whispery recording of either Jose or Panchito saying pretty girls while we see still images of the girls from the beach. Hummingbird Flower Donald then has a romantic duet with a lady because WHY NOT at this point, then multiple donalds before he spins away. We get one last number with donald dancing with living cacti that turn into mini donald’s that’s slightly more sane and finally this bit is done. IN conclusion. 

I just.. I have no words. The giant mess of text up there should explain it and I purposfully didn’t divy it up as i’ve been trying to do more often, as it deserves to be one long string of nonsense. I just.. it’s beautiful to look at but what the hell was that. Is this going to happen every time Donald and Daisy have sex? Is this what Donald’s brain is like all the time? Did Panchito inject him with pure liquid acid?

So yeah we thankfully conclude the film after that with 

14. The Wrap UP The boys horse around with a bull and then heartwarmingly watch fireworks together.. there isn’t much to add it’s jsut fun to watch and a nice pallete cleanser after loosing my sanity. Isn’t that right keith david?

You always say that! So...

Final Thoughts: I’ve made my thoughts on the various segments clear, but what of the film as a whole? As a whole.. it’s pretty fun. Is it the best film Disney’s Produced? probably not. But it’s a fun, brisk 70 minutes, hampered by a few slow spots and some weird horny bits, and various segments feel like an acid trip despite having never taken acid. But our boys easlly anchor the surreality and thirst and all three have great chemistry both comedically, friendship wise and romantically. It’s also very easy to see why this film and it’s cablleros got big in Mexico and Brazil as the film seems like a love letter to both, and is fairly respectful. WHich for the time, sex tourism aside, is pretty damn inspried. So yeah in conclusion, this is a really fun memorable film, it was even better on a second watch and it’s an enjoyable colorful reminder of Disney’s package film era, which I might dig into a bit.. I just may have to borrow a copy of make mine music.. guess what just got added to my list of “why the fuck isn’t this on disney plussss?” 

Regardless this was a fun review and auspcious start to the ride of the Cablleros. if you’d like to comission your own movie or tv review, hit up my ask box or submit box or shoot me an ask to get my discord. You can also join my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, Until then you can check this space for the various ongoing series mentioned and regular Ducktales coverage every monday. Until then, Adios, with a christmas message from my personal fourth Cabllero

[fly-underground]

six hundred and seventy five: 2019

The annual year in review entry. I’ve written this post nine times, one for every year of this decade. I reread the very first one, from 2010, aloud to my mother the other night. My writer’s voice is so chipper in it, so young. I had just started college. In so many ways, I had barely lived. I was about to list off all the things I hadn’t yet done, as an explanation. But the truth is, even now, having done at least a few of those things, I still have barely lived. I want to remember that, to bottle up that feeling of wistfulness for a younger self, that protective inclination to wait for things to get better and worse, because I know I still need it. There is still so much I haven’t done, so much I want to do. Ways to spend the next few decades, if I’m lucky enough to have them.

Last year at this time, I think I was home alone with Cory. I can’t remember it perfectly. The past few years have blurred together in that regard. Was this the year that Mariah Carey sang badly during Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve? I’ll look it up after I write this. The point is, I welcomed in the new year alone, but not really, and then received a flurry of text messages from my mother and brother and so many friends. January passed in New York for the most part. I went to my favorite bar every week, first with Liz and then with Vivian. I got bad news one night about a fellowship and the next night, I found out that my fellowship paper was selected for an academic conference. I felt like Even Steven, losing one thing, gaining another. By the time I made it back to Boston, for the spring semester, it was the end of the month. That last week became so important, especially in retrospect. I met a man from the past in one of my classes, someone I knew vaguely from my time at Swarthmore. February was about him. And so was March and April and May.

I used to keep details off my blog, because I was afraid of people reading and piecing together the truth. I wanted to be polite and coy. Now, I guess I don’t really know who is still reading this. And maybe I also don’t care. If you know me, really know me, you know what happened. If you don’t, well: in February, this blast from the past man sent me an email about coffee. I said yes and we spent hours together, walking around Cambridge, the pink sky of the new moon above our heads. Then he asked me to go to the Arnold Arboretum. We never went. Instead, we talked for hours in another coffee shop. Uncharacteristically, I asked to see his place and after I met his roommates, in-between bites of fig newtons, he leaned over and whispered: Can I kiss you? His tongue slipped into my mouth in the darkness of his living room. He kissed me again on his doorstep and my head spun on the lyft ride home. I threw up hours two hours later, from the hunger induced migraine. I didn’t eat at all that day, except for the cookies in his house and the lettuce wrapped in turkey at midnight in my bed. Of course I threw up. The next week, we went out again. Later, in my bed, wrapped up in his wiry, tattooed arms, I was just happy. That was when he told me, that he’s an alcoholic and an addict. It should have changed something for me, it should have set off an alarm. It didn’t.

Four days later, he relapsed. He had cancelled and then un-cancelled our date. I met him at a Starbucks and on the T back to his place, our legs touched. I felt bad, terrible in a way that I couldn’t name. We watched some Netflix original reality show and then, in his bed, we had sex. We kissed. He told me about his history of self harm and severe mental illness. I talked about my own trauma. It was not a good date. I couldn’t sleep after. In the morning, after he made me eggs and I realized he would not be going to his next AA meeting, I asked, trying not to cry, Will I see you again? He said of course, and then he backed me into a wall and kissed me with a boyish glee. I felt relieved and stupid. Three days later, he told me he couldn’t make it to my place for dinner. He said that he felt like he had encountered me in the wrong moment of his life, that he couldn’t stop drinking, that he was checking himself into a facility, that I meant something to him. I cried that whole weekend. I barely ate. No one could help me.

It was like this for months. Every interaction between us charmed and hurt me. When he was doing well, I was joyous. Otherwise, I was miserable. I skipped meals. I had nightmares. I cried alone in my room, on walks around campus. I lost weight and inches. I felt like I was dying. Somehow, in that strange internal darkness, I realized I was not okay. I wanted to be okay, more than anything. I felt bad all the time and I was tired of feeling bad. In April, I started seeing a therapist. In May, I started seeing a nutritionist.  I went to a support group meeting and read literature about codependency. I felt like it was my fault, my emotions, my own shit. I called my mother and Vivian and Michael. I was defensive about this guy. Addiction is a disease, an addict is not a Bad Person, but he can be a deeply troubled person. 

And then, after all of that, one day in May, he told me that he had gotten involved with someone. It was the way he said it. Two weeks before, in his bed, he had asked if he could undress me. I told him then, sitting outside the Harvard Square T stop, that he was a coward. He flinched, like I hit him. I said, I thought I loved you, but you aren’t who I thought you were. I guess, I didn’t really love you then. I also said, I’m sorry if that hurt you, I don’t mean to hurt you. And he told me, his eyes glassy, that I meant something to him. Of course, I knew that. Of course, it didn’t matter.

I skipped some stuff, or I made it seem small. In May, when I went to that support group meeting, I actually spoke in the group. I said, Every day I feel this intense pressure to try my best. I want to be kind and generous and patient and brave and good. But it’s so much work, being that way. Sometimes, I can’t do it. Sometimes, I just don’t have it in me. On those days, I want to give myself permission, to simply try. On those days, “best” is not the goal. The goal is to keep at it, whatever it is. So, I went to classes and socialized and asked for help. I told my therapist in April, that coming to therapy meant that I wasn’t hopeless, that I hadn’t given up on myself. In March, I presented my paper at an academic conference, as a single author. I was also on a poetry panel with Trista, Amanda, Cyrus, and Iain. How insane to be there with them, to be included in a family of poets.

In June, the man disappeared, moved away without a real goodbye. At the time, I was devastated. I can’t describe the feeling of abandonment, but I thought: love is not for me. I thought it through June and July. I went out with a series of inconsequential men. There’s a photo I saved on my phone, after one of those dates. He wasn’t a bad guy, just boring, just rude. I came home and cried until my mascara had spread across my face. I went back to New York in July, and in between visiting with friends and volunteering at camp, I had a hilarious summer fling, not a story just something for friends to gossip about. Even then, I was lonely. I didn’t run away from it, though. I recognized it. I thought, I should keep trying. Maybe I would find a good thing.

August had me dog-sitting and transliterating Sanskrit books and gearing up for the final year of my master’s degree and looking into various doctoral programs. It was also when I went on a first date with this handsome, funny, smart, and unbelievably kind man, who would eventually become my boyfriend— how weird that word looks here, how funny that it means something to me after all these years. It has felt like emotional whiplash, this year, loving two men. Looking back, it should be easy to say oh that wasn’t really love. But that’s not true. I loved two people this year, just so differently. If the first love made me nervous, the second makes me calm. I was on a bus back to Boston after Thanksgiving and the traffic was terrible and I felt an ugly irritation bubble inside me because of my seat neighbor. I thought about my boyfriend then, his easy smile, how he rubs my back when I cough. What a small thing, but I felt lighter just thinking about it. It sounds silly and cheesy, I know. But I don’t want to belittle it, not here. I don’t think I have ever really felt so good to be with someone before. It is so new to me, this joy, this stability. I don’t want to take it for granted.

I wrote in my journal a few days ago, that I’m not sure if this relationship is good because he is so good, or because I have done the work of trying to lead a healthier life. Is this just a byproduct of one or the other? Or, as Liz says, is this what happens when two Virgos come together? I don’t know, I loved a Virgo once before, and I don’t remember ever feeling this light. This is different. He is different.

In September, I went to Denmark for my ten year reunion camp reunion. I started this blog right after that iconic summer, 16 and strangely tan from all that northern sun. From October through December, I applied to doctoral programs. Yes, again. We’ll see what happens. For the first time, I don’t really know what I want in my future, but I’m trying to trust in the universe to guide me there. I know I want love. It’s hard for me to admit that. I used to scorn women who named that in their list of goals, but it’s important, as important as everything else. I want to feel close to someone. I want a life of meaning, even if it just means something to me. I want to write. I hate that I ever stopped doing that. I feel sometimes like I have wasted my potential there, in writing professionally. I hope that’s not true. I am not ready to give this up, this dream that could still turn into something.

Something that I said a lot this year: whatever happens, I’ll be okay. During a depressive episode a few weeks ago, I thought I was losing everyone in my life, that everyone secretly hated me. What I told myself then, was not that I was crazy or wrong, but that I could deal with it. It’s true. If that happened, I could deal with it. But I hate that response. I wish I fought more. I wish I didn’t turn over so easily. Not that I think I could change someone’s mind. But I wish I didn’t just accept the worst case scenario. Anyway, maybe it’s strange even to debate this. The truth is so far from the worst case scenario. In fact, right now the truth is I am so fucking lucky. Ten years ago, I was just a high school student whining on the internet. Today, I am a Harvard graduate student; I am an author; I have a publication list that makes professors raise their eyebrows; people care about what I write and think; there are people who love me, really love me; I am healthier and happier than I ever thought I deserved to be. I worked for this. I earned it. I didn’t give up on me.

I can’t predict anything about the future. I’m always so hilariously wrong. Mostly I hope I never stop trying. 2020 still sounds like a fiction, but it’s real, it’s happening, it’s here. It’s funny, I only ever feel that surprised by joy. I hope that never changes.

[grouchythefish]

The 2010s, year by year.

I was inspired by @puzzled-dragon on twitter but but would rather do this here. I did not realize this decade sucked so hard. I put this under a read more because it’s long and sad af. I did not INTENTIONALLY make this depressing but thinking to each year these ARE the things I think of first. There’s a happy ending though, I promise. If this is too long, just read the first and last year and you’ll probably get the picture. (tw: depression, self-harm, death, suicidal thoughts, car accidents, sexual assault):

2010: Went on my first plane ride to visit my brother in San Francisco! Went to my first show that summer (warped tour - Sum 41!), then My Chemical Romance in December. Started volunteering with the Teen Advisory Board at the library. This was the year I first started realizing I had some mental health issues. My grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away. I was dealing with depression and self harming and learned I have ADHD. Started questioning my sexuality.

2011: The year of the January mystery evacuation! My strongest memories of this year are the summer. went to Warped Tour again (Motion City Soundtrack and Paramore!), joined Tumblr in July. I took 2 months of summer school by choice that year during which I read the Handmaid’s Tale and had a bit of a feminist awakening. Gwen and I started our band and started doing shows together. Started questioning my gender.

2012: Started IDing as asexual. Got into urbex for a little while. Graduated high school. Went to Warped Tour for the last time. Saw Mindless Self Indulgence and had my first serious panic attack. Started a visual arts degree at York. Lived on campus and lost a lot of weight REAL fast and got VERY sick. Now that I was 18 and no longer living with my parents I finally started getting treatment for my ADHD. Realized I was agender.

2013: Started playing quidditch and getting involved with York’s Harry Potter club (Ministry of Magic) where I met @ominouspotato and @puzzled-dragon​. Realized I was bisexual. Got my first job (tim hortons) then my first apartment (A complete disaster) My depression and anxiety got real bad towards the end of this year. I did go to a lot of shows though. (Fall Out Boy and Motion City Soundtrack come to mind) Started listening to WTNV not knowing that this would absolutely be a gateway podcast for me. 

2014: Moved in with my aunt Bev (not really my aunt) in Scarborough for the first half of the year then my parents for the second half. Bought my first binder. Became a Ministry of Magic exec. Saw WTNV live. Met my (now) ex at a PATD show in Feb, we started dating in Nov. Took the via rail for the first time.  Was sexually assaulted on my first date (I have never told anyone this until right now). Rode the go train a lot. Started trying to change my major to Digital Media.

2015: Moved back in with my aunt Bev and lived there for the whole year. (At the time I hated it but in retrospect she was real cool about a lot of stuff) Saw Motion City Soundtrack for the third and final time :’(. This is the year @ghirahims-left-shoe​ and I met Frank Iero and Gerard Way (who said my drawing were awesome!!!!!) Moved into the Forest Hill apartment (a mistake). Realized university was going nowhere for me. Saw WTNV live again.

2016: Dropped out of York and started at Seneca for Interactive Media Design. My (now) ex moved in with me and my roommates and shit hit the fan which resulted in us packing up and moving back to my home town (Cue the worst 3 years of my life) Got my G2 and started driving regularly, got in my first car accident. I worked 6 different jobs this year. My tax return was hell. I started getting really into podcasts this year.

2017: Started off real fucking depressed over the US election and somehow ended up turning to mbmbam to cope (a mutual on tumblr suggested it and I wish I remembered who so I could thank them for changing my life). Commuted to Toronto 5 days a week this whole year. Got engaged. Bought my first car in August (a beige impala). Had my first car written off in November when someone rear ended me on the 400. Bought my red elantra that I still have now. Joined the MBMBAM Gaming Server when I was at a very low point that fall and it was a god send - met some really really good friends though this. Joined roller derby. First realized I was in an abusive relationship.

2018: Got in another car accident. Quit my job in Toronto because I couldn’t handle the commute anymore after getting in 2 accidents in the same winter. Traveled to Detroit to see mbmbam live. Went through a YMCA employment program, which is how I got the most soulless job ever - but it was a short commute, looked great on my resume, and paid okay so I sucked it up. My depression and anxiety got worse and worse and I kept ignoring it, kept thinking if I just acted like things were fine they eventually would be (fake it til you make it is bullshit btw). Tried to leave my fiance a handful of times but never could. Tried and failed many many times to pass the roller derby minimum skills test. Started isolating myself more and more from my irl friends. My laptop kicked the bucket in August and I couldn’t afford to replace it.

2019 (Jan-Aug): In March I both got my dream job and went on my first big trip (New Orleans to visit my brother)! Got my first tattoo in July. My depression didn’t go away, though. I quit roller derby. A few doctor’s visits and many different ADHD medication trials later I found myself at my lowest point. I wasn’t sleeping but I also struggled to get out of bed. I felt like work was the only thing I could do so it was all I did and my anxiety only fueled this further. I thought that there was no one in the world who cared about me. I saw myself as a problem to the people around me. Something that needed to be removed. I was researching what pills I could overdose on and how many it would take and I started making real plans to kill myself in September. 

Spoiler: I didn’t! 

2019 (Sept-Dec): I saw a new doctor, took a break from work, and started on anti-depressants for the first time ever. Everything changed. I traveled to Buffalo to meet friends from the mbmbam gaming server and had online friends come to Barrie to visit me. I reconnected with my university friends after 2 years of self-isolation and we see each other regularly now. I went on my first solo trip to visit Gwen in BC and we are starting a podcast together (!!!). I found out my friends are also doing podcasts! I started working on having a better relationship with my siblings (we’re not there yet but making progress). I started coming out to people irl as agender for the first time and requesting they use my chosen name and pronouns. I replaced my laptop and started making art again! I applied for a bunch of zines and got into one! I finally worked up the strength to break up with my fiance for real. Just in these last few months I’ve made more new friends and spent more time with them than in the last 3 years put together. (If you are one of those new friends, I’m sorry if I’m weird or awkward, or say too much or too little or just the wrong things, I got used to not having friends and genuinely don’t remember how to be around people. Please be patient with me, I’m trying to get better.)

2020: I just had the first new years eve in a decade where I felt I was ending the year better than I started it. Things aren’t perfect (I still need my ex to move out, I still live in a town that makes me depressed, I’m still not out to my family, I’m still looking for a therapist) but for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to the future.

[ettawritesnstudies]

August Monthly Goal Update

Hello! By the time this goes up, the other post I wrote detailing my monthly goal process should have been published so I’m not going to explain much farther here. Future updates will have the link. This month was *wild* guys. I went of vacation the 1st - 5th, my boss scheduled me to work the 6th - 17th, and I moved into college and had orientation the 22nd - 25th, which meant I had a lot of things to accomplish. 

I completed 25/30 goals this month, winning by a 10-point margin! In retrospect, some of these goals were easier than I expected and so I could have combined them and added more. A lot of them are also recurring goals that just didn’t happen because of my wacky schedule. With such a big adjustment with college, I expected this month to be an outlier, and I’m sure my September list will reflect my new schedule. Let me know what you’re up to and how your months are going by tagging me or using the hashtag #monthlygoalsupdate!

If you want to read more, the list is below the cut!

Donate Hair - I got my hair cut in late July and donated 10 inches to charity! Children With Hair Loss is a great organization that gives hairpieces to kids dealing with medical issues (cancer, of course, as well as burns, Alopecia, and Trichotillomania, and others) for FREE. 10/10 recommend checking them out.

Clean my room before I leave for college - no small feat

Buy and pack all college supplies

Go through clothes and pack those

Make #1month1language post a week - whoops. I’m trying again in September! I did turn my phone’s langage to Italian tho

Make an Italian learning schedule 

Make a Spanish learning schedule - I’m counting these two as half-done since I made viable schedules for both but only stuck to it about half the time.

Buy new glasses - yep, I bit that bullet

Send out more graduation cards - they never ever end

Finish alcohol safety training for college

Deposit money into school laundry/debit account

Read student handbook

Complete academic integrity training

Find syllabi for each class and add all dates to the planner - I have 3 of my classes done as of writing this, and I’ll get the rest of the syllabi this week, so this will definitely be done by the end of the month

Send thank-you notes to advisors - I met with advisors before school started to figure out my wacky schedule and thought a thanks would be in order given that they did it over the summer

Get a work-study job as a lifeguard

Write 20,000 words - I haven’t touched my book at all since camp nano ended :(

Publish Worrywart parts 1, 2, and 3 - I write Newsies fanfic too! You can find me on ff.net with the username “mgsglacier”

Get 2nd meningitis shot for school and update health info - vaccines are important y’all

Send vaccination history to uni

Put away diploma - funny story: at graduation, we got our diplomas in envelopes with a bunch of other stuff after the ceremony, and I kind of threw it on my dresser to deal with later. I didn’t realize until I did this goal that I graduated 4th in my class. I thought I was 12th before. :0

Do 1 devotion outside Mass once a week - I did like 3 one week and none the other week, so this technically doesn’t count.

Update check register - adulting is hard guys

Keep up with other Uni obligations - this is vague, but they gave us a list a mile long to do and most of them are things that can be done in ~10 minutes so this is my way of bundling them into one goal

Exercise twice a week - I have no excuses

Have 1 me-day - I’m really bad at taking a break and end up working myself to burnout if I don’t put this on a to-do list. :P

Get together with two specific friends - I have no excuse besides a busy schedule but I’m still sad this didn’t happen

Meet with my mentor once and report conversation - my university has a really cool mentorship program for women engineers! I’m going for coffee with her on Thursday!

Play piano/guitar once a week - unfortunately not this month, but I’m in an Arts themed dorm and it’s so nice because there’s ALWAYS someone singing or playing, so this will definitely get done in September!

[plantanarchy]

so I saw @drowsymanatee‘s fish timeline and saw a few other people do theirs as well and since I have a similar “started from the bottom” type timeline, here we go

Under a cut because large images lol

Age 5+

My first childhood fish and first real pet was a comet goldfish won at a fair when I was very young. Obviously the care was mostly in the hands of my mom and she did decently well for the fish, I think. At first, he lived in a small one gallon tank with another goldfish and a bunch of guppies (not the fancy kind... just regular guppies). I have a picture of that somewhere but can’t seem to find it currently. But eventually, he got moved into a 55 gallon with various other goldfish and it turned out he was actually a decently fancy veiltail and he turned completely white and lived ~8 years and maxed at ~8 inches long in the body, nearly a foot with his tail included. He should have been in a pond and the tank was way overstocked with fancies and single tails with nowhere near enough filtration.

Age ~12?

I also had a fish that was “mine” for a while who lived in a 10 gallon tank outside my bedroom that I called “Neighbor Fish” that I think was actually a silver dollar. My mom had tried to set up a tropical community with fish her friend didn’t want anymore and Neighbor Fish was an asshole to the other fish (I don’t blame him) so got separated and lived in the 10 gallon until his heater malfunctioned one day and cooked him. No pictures but I technically was in charge of him for a while and would feed him (but didn’t do water changes) Poor dude.

Age 19

In the beginning of my sophomore year at college, my ex and I decided to get two betta fish together. We kept them in one of those terrible 1/2 gallon “tanks”. They were named Michael and Lucifer because we thought we were clever lol

My suitemate who kept a betta in a heated, filtered 5 gallon told me it wouldn’t work longterm and I’d need a heater at least, so I got one of those but didn’t get a bigger tank. Yeah, needless to say, Lucifer passed within a month and Michael looked like this:

He clearly has fin rot in this picture and is underweight, stress stripey and just awful looking but I had no clue. I was distracted by my friends and by my relationship and I did do a 100% water change every week or so, but mostly I didn’t pay attention to Michael at all... eventually, I got him an “upgrade” into a 1 gallon tank with a bubbler from Petco that was on sale... and then second semester sophomore year, my friend went abroad, my ex was busy with rushing a frat and I had more free time... and that’s when the special interest level of fish research began.

First “real” tank, February 2014

I upgraded Michael to a heated, filtered 2.5 gallon after reading a lot on betta forums. I was taking a break from tumblr at the time but I eventually came back on tumblr that summer and discovered fishblr.

Soon, Michael looked like this:

I was really getting fond of him and the difference was incredible. 

Second tank, March 2014

Within a month I got a 5.5 gallon tank and a second betta named Kaiju. It was hideous and had bright blue gravel and didn’t have a lid for a long time.

First divider attempt, 3rd fish

So yeah, like an idiot, I tried to divide the 5.5 gallon tank with a craft mesh divider. Didn’t go so well, both fish were very stressed and I returned my third fish, Kenway, but actually went back and rebought him a few weeks later. 

And promptly panicked thinking my parents would hate me for having three fish tanks (lol in retrospect this is hilarious), so Kenway lived with my boyfriend for the summer and got less than stellar care.

Third tank, 4th fish

So as soon as I got home for the summer, I promptly got a third fish anyway... I had never seen a plakat betta in person before and the majority of fish I’d seen were not that interesting color-wise either and Odysssey was just... a dream. He lived in a 1.5 gallon Tetra cube which I actually really liked the look of... but was far too small.

Also, Kaiju got sand and a lid and his tank looked no longer super awful except it turned out the sand I got was too fine and developed some wicked anaerobic bacteria smell and it was awful. I replaced it with black sand within a few months lol

Age 20, Junior Year 2014-15

So I went back to school with three fish, plus Kenway who I took back not long after coming back. Michael passed in September and not long after, I got my first female betta, Wyn.

These were my tanks at this point:

And Wyn, when I first got her:

Divided 10, January 2015

So I found a $5 ten gallon at Good Will over winter break and divided Wyn and Odyssey (which was dumb) with a DIY mesh divider (which was not safe) and lit it with an under cabinet light ducktaped to the wall (which looked hideous holy shit)

Second divided 10 gallon

Found a $15 10 gallon with an Aquaclear filter (my first HOB) and a hood so I upgraded Kenway and Kaiju to an equally unsafe and ugly divided 10 but at least it was slightly less ugly. 

Then, that summer I took all my fish on an 8 hour road trip to NJ to be babysat by roommate while I was in Europe? I’m not sure why that was necessary but ok

First single betta 10 gallon, July 2015

About a month after returning from Europe, Odyssey unfortunately passed away. I decided to keep Wyn by herself in the 10 gallon because she loved the space so much. And I got an actual light. Wyn had grown into a beautiful lady fish and she was the best and most precious thing in the world to me.

No more divided tanks, Octoberish 2015 idk

Kaiju developed a tumor sometime in the beginning of my senior year of college and as his swimming began to deteriorate, I moved him into his own 10 gallon. Despite his tumor, he actually outlived Wyn, who passed unexpectedly after a year and one month with her.

Kaiju just before I put him to sleep:

And my Wyn’s resting place:

I cried for days after Wyn passed and didn’t really want much to do with the hobby. I still had Kenway but mostly just maintained his tank and didn’t do much with him. He was pretty slowed down by his big fins and was going blind.

Age 21, February 2016

After a few months, I brought home Durriyah, a new lady betta and put her in a HIDEOUS 10 gallon by herself ft. return of the awful blue gravel

Age 22, still 2016

I graduated and came home with two bettas in 10 gallon tanks. Towards the end of the summer, Kenway passed away, and I got Zazzle. And then a month later impulse bought Buzz and set up the third 10 gallon and got a rack. My ability to not make tanks look like garbage had improved significantly.

March 2017, Planted, Community Tank and Exponential Tank Increase Begins

So this is getting long as fuck but ok, in March I got ~employed~ so decided I had money for trying out planted tanks. Bad mistake, 10/10 do not recommend for the sake of your wallet. I also got into a bunch of fish Youtubers and tried out some DIY shit and became way more present in fishblr but also branched out more

I also added a small school of 8 ember tetras in my 10 gallon tank with Zazzle

They did pretty well together!

One month later (after some rearranging and some plant death)

20gal community, May?? Idk what is time

So then the next big fish thing was my decision to upgrade the planted 10 to a 20 and start an actual tropical community.

Planted 20 when first set up:

Most recent picture of the planted 20 ft. dwarf gourami, harlequin rasboras, ember tetras, and horned nerites. I am very proud of this tank today and though I’m currently dealing with some illness and lots of algae, it is eons better than my beginnings.

Some other stuff happened with my tanks within there but all that feels too recent to really talk about. Currently I have six bettas and 8 tanks overall. I continue to learn constantly, especially about plants, filtration, and fish illness. My fish opinions have changed SO MUCH since I was a wee baby betta blog back in 2014 it’s ridiculous... and I thought I knew shit back then and would attempt to give advice like a dumbass. 

Important fish thing to remember: you are ALWAYS LEARNING ALWAYS. There is always something you don’t know or haven’t encountered. Most of the advice you’ve heard/give others will turn out to be bogus. RESEARCH ALWAYS.

 And it’s also ok if your tanks are hideous because pretty tanks can be very very expensive and I feel you, I was cheap as fuck for a long time. Your fish doesn’t care that you have rainbow puke gravel and ugly tattered plants. Your fish just want food and clean water and not much else. 

Take risks, do your research, and branch out. Keep what you love, not what other people love. My favorite tank by far is my snail tank full of pest snails lol My favorite fish is my ugly, plain looking female who hides 99% of the time. I have been keeping fish for over four years and have made MANY mistakes and had a lot of ugly tanks and setbacks and times I almost quit. 

I have spilled a lot of water on stuff I shouldn’t have spilled water on. I have ended up with lots of sand in my bed and on my floor. I have gone through more towels than you can believe and blown a lot A LOT of money on nice pieces of wood and weird sponges and rocks. I can no longer sleep without the sound of a whole bunch of air pumps and filters. I wouldn’t trade any of it, even though I started off a bit rocky and almost quit after losing Wyn and would have way more surfaces and more money if I didn’t have fish. I can’t even imagine it though. My fish got me through a bunch of rough patches in college and tank maintenance has both caused me a lot of stress and eased my anxiety at the same time. 

Whew this is long please do not read this whole thing lawd

[rplam]

Goodbye, 2018!

You were kind of… intense, to say the least.

January:    Started the year off kind of… rocky. I wasn’t talking to Matchy at the time and I had just gotten into a relationship with egg boy– I moved back into the dorms and started my spring semester with 17 or 18 units!!! :D. I was really in love, to say the least. I thought I’d found someone to spend the rest of my life with, tbh.

February:   I broke down crying because I couldn’t finish my first CS61B project despite having stayed up all night working on it– I was so disappointed and I was so stressed out that I wouldn’t be able to do pass the class if it continued at that rate. I remember crying and crying and some girl approached me and asked if I was okay, gave me a hug. Thank you Olivia from the fourth floor! I’m doing okay now! This month was also Valentine + egg boy’s birthday! Woah dude the excitement that came with running home to gifts and having egg boy visit Berkeley. It was really surreal, living out what I saw as my dream date at the time and being able to spend time with him and be cuddly. It was really bittersweet when he left, and unfortunately I was too nauseous when he started crying on me before he left to actually do much LOL. Also the first time I got tipsy! Lots of fun!

March:    Things got a little bit rough and intense. Egg boy and I argued over space and such, and we broke up. I really tried super hard to work things out because it was sort of left on ambiguous terms, and I wanted to help him figure out what was going on in his life. Classes went okay! I probably had a breakdown over midterms but I can’t really remember at this point. I reconnected with Matchy! It was very fulfilling and things were a bit difficult but I definitely am glad I did so.

April:    Spring break! I came out to my mom which did not go well, but it was nice to feel the support of my siblings. Things kind of just blew over at this point, and egg boy and I hung out again and sort of made up. We watched Love, Simon and I cried on him like the 12 year old I am. We went shopping and had korean bbq, it was really good; and then we kind of talked about what the future might be like for us. And then a few days later we broke up for real– blocked me and everything. I think my baby girl passed this month as well. It was really rough for me and I kind of couldn’t really hold it together. I think I tried going on a date with waffle boy but that was… not great. I think I just took myself off dating at that point.

May:   At this point, I had been pretty active on my finsta. I’d been slowly trying to understand things. I made it through finals and did well enough! Egg boy wanted to come back into my life and me, not being over him entirely, allowed this and explored the idea of getting back with him. He hit me with the “I don’t want to lose you but I’m not ready for a relationship” over and over and over and over and started calling me baby and stuff. It was– a tad frustrating. I played lots of smite!

June:    We hung out again– within minutes he was being cuddly and affectionate and constantly mumbling “I don’t want to lose you but I am not ready for a relationship” and I was so so so so hurt. I wanted so badly to understand what he was going through– figure out why things were so hard for him. What I didn’t realize was how much of myself I was losing in the process. I went to Gina’s 18th birthday and looked really fancy (took hella selfies LOL)

July:   I finally cut connections with egg boy. It was really hard of course, but ultimately I think it was the best decision for me. I finally had space to breathe and start focusing on the things around me. I spent a lot of time playing siege with Mikey and Matchy and enjoying my summer.

August:    KCON! I had such a wonderful amazing time with Makenna & Erica at KCON and I got standing tickets and I just– I want to have the confidence to let loose a little bit more. We went to LA and drove around a bunch; I started packing to move back to Berkeley and things went swell. I got back to Berkeley! And I met… someone particularly interesting.

September:    I got super close to his dogs! It was really cool and I am so glad I got along well with Sydney! I left my stinky bracelet and kind of pushed my way into his life oops. Classes at this point were going alright– a bit hard but normal. I started my tumblr, and began posting Instagram stories!

October:    Things got a bit problematic when I realized that I liked him a bit more than I should. I discovered maple cookies and wanted to share this wonderful little thing with him so I ran across campus to get boba and bring maple cookies. That was the most interesting uber ride oh my god.

November:   I told him I liked him, like a big smelly dummy. I got a sort of weird reply, so I think at this point I took it as ambiguity for a while– and then I sort of began to take it as rejection and tried to move on. I met tea egg kiddo and thought he was cool! He played siege and league and seemed to get along well enough with my friends. Chiyu passed away this month, and I put the butterfly emoji in my bio in honor of that. I really– I really miss her and wish I had been more present in her life. Tea egg kiddo became dangerously attached and I realized painstakingly that my crush was not going away. I had a straight up anxiety attack and stayed up all night to make sure he was okay, and to this day I can’t help but blame myself. I spent a few weeks with my babies and they made me feel a lot better, and I snuggled with them and woke up to them and oof what a wonderful week. I asked about my crush and it turns out it wasn’t entirely rejection, so I decided I would just stay by his side and help him figure things out before I worry about how I feel. I came out to my dad and began arguing with my parents. He and I spent Thanksgiving together! I kind of wanted to the whole time but didn’t say anything until the day of because I was being stupid and playing the whole “if he doesn’t invite me he don’t WANT me” game which is… in retrospect so childish…. Regardless, it was nice even though the beef was rather shitty, hopefully I can make it better from now on!

December:    My birth month! Finals went kind of roughly despite me having studied pretty hard. I really fell behind this semester because of what has been going on– and a slight bit of lack of motivation. I was really upset that I wasn’t getting enough time with crush and the dogs because of my busy final schedule, and I felt like the distance was making things rough. I argued with family more and it was still super hard, but I made it home for New Years! I had an amazing birthday and got to go shopping in SF. In retrospect, I checked off everything on my list except the cafe– even belting karaoke in a onesie, albeit alone in my apartment. I had been super worried about how my crush felt about me that whole time– I was worried about bothering him with my feelings or something and tried to make him comfortable by putting up barriers, but then realized that it was something that was hindering our friendship. I worked really really really hard trying to figure out a gift. At first, I wanted to make him a blanket like I do with all my friends– but then I realized that he might not really care for it. I saw a guitar ad and it kind of dawned on me– so I went out and found a guitar. I hit up guitar center and lugged it around in the rain, trying to keep it dry and had it restrung and bought a strap! And then, with only a few days left I went and bought a ton of art supplies and went to town on that strap. Honestly, I was nervous giving it to him because I didn’t know– how he would feel or if he wouldn’t like it or whatnot. I was absolutely TERRIFIED. We had Christmas lunch together and decided to spend less time together and to be a bit more firm in our boundaries. Egg boy gave me a really hard time and kind of pulled the “I never loved you” act on me, and peach boy kind of also friendzoned me.

[josephkitchen0]

Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease

By Laurie Ball-Gisch – The summer of 2002 was the first time I encountered White Muscle Disease in our flock of purebred Icelandic sheep. It affected two ewes I had purchased bred in late winter. We were hit hard in early June here in Michigan with severely hot and humid weather. Knowing how selenium deficient our area is, I make sure that our sheep have access at all times to free choice minerals, which I mix with kelp, and we’ve never had a problem with selenium before. However, one day I noticed these two ewes were lying down in the field rather than grazing.

Suspecting selenium deficiency, I immediately gave them Bo-SE shots and started putting extra vitamin E in the drinking water. But as the heat held on and on, both of these ewes continued to suffer. The rest of the flock was fine through the extended heat wave, but we did install large industrial fans in the barn this summer to give the flock relief from the heat. Although these two ewes were still eating, it is obvious in retrospect that their nutritional needs were suffering, and their immune system was compromised. Having not dealt with White Muscle Disease before, I didn’t realize the ramifications to other areas of their health. Because they were still eating, and when checked at deworming times, their tissues were a nice pink (up until August), I didn’t supplement them with grain, which I would do if I ever encountered this problem again.

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By August my ewe named “Libby,” developed bottle jaw just 21 days after the last deworming and also became severely anemic. I immediately dewormed the entire flock, and on checking the rest of them, all were nice and pink and healthy except the two ewes with White Muscle Disease and the ram lamb (twin) out of the other sick ewe. (Another point to note is that ewes who suffer from the heat and are lying down a lot, are not up enough so that their lambs can nurse as they need to, hence compromised lambs). Were I ever to encounter this problem again, I would pull any affected ewes and lambs into a smaller paddock and start graining them. A friend of mine had taken the other affected ewe and her twins and was nursing along the two who were also showing signs of anemia.

My Libby was not recovering from White Muscle Disease, even after aggressive deworming and iron shots, as well as other vitamin and selenium shots. The bottle jaw went away within 24 hours but she had lost her appetite and a few days later the bottle jaw was back and I dewormed with another chemical. Within a week of discovering and treating the bottle jaw, she stopped eating completely, and I was increasingly afraid that she was starving to death. I wasn’t sure what to feed sheep who refuse to eat while ill with White Muscle Disease. She could not be enticed to eat any concoction of corn, grain, etc. By the second week, she could barely walk. Every few steps she had to lie down. It got so bad that she was eating dirt and every morning I expected to find her dead. It got so horrible to watch that I actually mentioned to my husband that I thought it might be kindest to put her down because I couldn’t bear to watch her starve to death from White Muscle Disease and in spite of all efforts I could think of, she was not improving.

Libby at about 10 months of age, she lambed out twins in May.

Unexpected Find

The turning point came when I found time to be cleaning my desk off (rare), and I found a page I had copied a year before from an article in Black Sheep Newsletter about using apple cider vinegar for livestock health (Issue 53, Fall 1987). The article was written by Barry Simpson for Christchurch Press (New Zealand) and reported the experiences Mr. Rupert Martin had incorporating apple cider vinegar into his livestock management practices. The story caught my eye afresh that day, and I started glancing over it and the words “…also beneficial for the treatment of mastitis, anemia, milk fever…” jumped out at me.

I immediately went out and drenched Libby with cider vinegar and water mixed 1:1 using 20 ml per the recommended dosage in the article. The rest of that day Libby refused to eat or move.

The next morning I sent my husband out because I was convinced she would be dead from White Muscle Disease. When he came back in I asked him “Is she dead?” and he said very casually, “She looks fine.”

“What do you mean, she looks fine?”

“She came running to me.”

I thought he was crazy, convinced he didn’t even know which sheep I was talking about. So I ran outside to check on Libby and to my surprise, saw her standing at the mineral feeder. When she saw me she “bbbaaaeeed” loudly and came running to me! (This ewe normally does come running noisily whenever she sees me, looking for a handout, but I hadn’t seen her run all summer, and she hadn’t made a sound in over 2 weeks). Her tongue, which the day before had been gray, was now pink.

I quickly got her some grain, which she gobbled up, and then she trotted out to the pasture to join the rest of the flock. This was the first day in two months that she stayed out in the field all day and I did not see her lie down once.

Libby made a miraculous and full recovery within 24 hours of being drenched with cider vinegar to treat White Muscle Disease. When the weather hit 90+ degrees again in September, she didn’t show any of the previous signs of stiff muscles and upon regular checks, her tissues have remained bright pink/red and healthy.

I immediately phoned my friend and suggested she drench the other ewe and her sick lamb. The next day she called me to say that the lamb was out running and playing with the other lambs and the ewe was up and grazing for the first full day since she had been ill.

We have started drenching our entire flock once a month to improve overall health and fleece quality. During our regular de-worming sheep schedule, if I notice any sheep with pale tissues, they get a double dose. Additionally, I also pour cider vinegar into their drinking water at least once a week.

On a Lighter Note

I’ve read that cider vinegar used in the ewes’ drinking water can increase the chances of having more ewe lambs born. We had a 70 percent ram crop this past year, so it will be interesting to see if that ratio changes now that we are incorporating cider vinegar into our flock health management! You can try this homemade apple cider vinegar recipe on your homestead.

A search of the internet for “cider vinegar” led to hundreds of websites extolling the health benefits of cider vinegar in humans. I remember my grandmother always had cider vinegar and oil at the table to use on her salads and greens. You can even get cider vinegar tablets now if you don’t want to use the vinegar itself! A friend said she puts one tablespoon of cider vinegar with one tablespoon of honey in an 8-ounce glass of water and drinks that once a day to stay healthy, and she’s never sick! My father has been fighting cancer for four years and had developed severe anemia this past summer due to the chemotherapy he was undergoing. At my suggestion, my mother started having him drink vinegar four times a day in water (sweetened with honey). She had been having to give him shots for the anemia and they have now been able to stop the shots, as his red blood cell count is now in the normal range. He no longer has to nap in the afternoon, and he’s keeping busy from morning until evening with his various hobbies and activities.

Mr. Martin’s Original Speech

Following is the original speech presented by Mr. Rupert Martin to the International Congress of Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders in the late 1980s. Unfortunately, Mr. Martin has passed away, but I was able to contact Mrs. Martin through Redwood Cellars and she granted me permission to reprint excerpts of his original speech here:

“My wife Grace and I have been livestock farming for more than 50 years. We run 1000 natural coloured sheep, 1000 white Romneys and 30 head of cattle at our Redwood Valley farm near Nelson. We market all our coloured wool, skins and yarns from our farm. All the products from our coloured sheep are sold directly to the consumer, even the meat.

Cider Vinegar

I was the manager of the company farm in Nelson which took 5,000 acres (2,020 hectares) of waste and scrubland to pasture. We went from no stock to running 6,000 ewes and replacements, which gave us a flock of 12,000 head to shear. We also farmed 2,000 cattle.

With such large stock numbers, we had stock health problems, often in a big way, which were difficult to get on top of. The main problem was grass staggers (U.S.: grass tetany; hypomagnesemia).

I knew cider vinegar was used on horses, but no-one would tell me why. So in desperation one day when I had two young lambs dehydrated and down with grass staggers, I decided to try the cider vinegar on them.

When I told the makers of the vinegar what I had in mind they said to be careful and to dilute the vinegar a bit. I gave the lambs a cupful each and the next day they were up and grazing. So I gave them a bit more for luck.

That was in February. Our summer was very hot and we had drought conditions. Much to our surprise in May these two lambs were in better condition than the rest, except that they had a break in their wool.

This led us to do some trial work. In our first trial, we drenched the sheep once a month from weaning in November to shearing the following October.

We had four groups and kept the wool of each group separate. The wool was all sold by auction, and the wool from the sheep drenched with cider vinegar made NZ$1.43 a head more than the rest. We were getting quite excited with our find but no one would believe us. Still, we carried on using more and more of the vinegar.

At this time I was lambing 2,600 two-tooth ewes and I believed they were deficient in iodine. I mixed minerals in with the cider vinegar and drenched just before lambing. During lambing in previous years I was going around the sheep three or four times a day, and assisting up to 14 ewes per round.

The very first time after we had used the minerals mixed in with the cider vinegar we reduced our problems at lambing down to assisting only two ewes per day. The lamb death rate at birth was reduced by a massive 80 percent. Well this was good news for us, and for the next 15 years we drenched our sheep three weeks before the rams went out, and then six weeks before lambing. We drenched the ewes again three weeks before lambing and found the results were very good. I was asked to speak at the local branch meeting of the Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders Association on stock health. I joined the association and felt I had something to offer.

Cider Vinegar Affects Wool Growth

Stock health problems and marketing of our coloured wools were then the two main problems to deal with. I had a few coloured sheep, and their wool was given to friends and staff. I started using a coloured ram over the ewes, and found that quality of the stock was a problem too. Although some good fleeces were produced, there were many rejects. So I decided to drench every month with 20cc of cider vinegar per sheep. The results were amazing. We shore in May and sold more wool in a day than we expected to sell in a year from our woolshed operation. That went on for two and a half days, and sales have been steady ever since.

We found that the cider vinegar seemed to help disperse the grease in the wool right along the fibre, making it softer and easier to shear.

I still couldn’t convince people that what I was doing was good, so I bought vinegar and gave it to friends to try. It took a long time to get going, but when the news media took an interest it just took off. This spurred me on to do more research. We found grass staggers disappeared altogether in sheep; sleepy sickness was easily cured. Scouring in calves was also easily cured. In fact, any disorder the animals had appeared to benefit from the cider vinegar.

Effects on Skins

When I first started out with the coloured wools, the natural coloured skins had no value. But the first shipment of pelts I sent to be tanned were all stolen. That proved they were worth something, so I kept going. The next shipment got through alright. They were quite easy to sell so we brought in skins and sheep for slaughter. We found we could produce the skin okay, but had up to 30 percent of the skins grading out as seconds. That was too high, with the quality only good to average. After looking through the tannery and inspecting the skins we found that to produce a variation in colours, and to obtain large skins we had to use skins from older sheep.

Then I discovered the skins which I had brought in were not as good as my own. That led me to believe cider vinegar was playing a part in giving us quality skins. Now we prefer to condition the sheep on our own farm before slaughter, and rejects are down to one percent or less. Our sheepskins just sell themselves. With the number of skins we were producing, we had to market the meat.

Effects on Meat

For years friends had been telling us there was ‘something’ about Redwood Valley meat as it was sweeter. No one knew why they liked it but they did, and our customers just grew and grew.

We were now at the stage where we can sell the meat faster than we can sell the skins.

I have found marketing wool, skins, and meat of coloured sheep very easy, especially with the help of cider vinegar. We have to remember in our marketing that quality is the main criterion.”

Conclusion

At the fall shearing, as the shearer was working on Libby, she looked up and said “there’s a break in her wool” and I said that I expected a wool break because of her battle with White Muscle Disease. She asked me how recently Libby had been ill, and I told her just a month ago and she asked me to come look at the wool. She pointed out over an inch and a half of new wool growth behind the break and commented that this was an amazing amount of wool for an animal to grow out in just a month.

For a ewe who had been so sick to make such a remarkable recovery to be able to grow out this amount of wool, while also gaining back her condition, so that she is now in prime condition for breeding is why I call her my “miracle ewe.”

Libby catches the eye of anybody who sees her and her amazing recovery from White Muscle Disease. It may say as much about cider vinegar as a cure as it might about her strong constitution and genetics.

She is in a breeding group now, and I am very curious to see how she will do next lambing season. It’s important to note that she lambed twins unassisted as a yearling and I’ve included here a photo of her when she came to our farm in February.

In addition to the pregnancy, twins and lactating, she herself had an enormous growth spurt that spring and summer. This may have been partially why she ended up [appearing to be] selenium deficient. I am optimistic that she will have no health problems next summer.

The Lavender Fleece Farm and Studio is located in mid-Michigan. We raise purebred registered Icelandic sheep with a special interest in preserving the rare leader sheep genetics of this beautiful, yet very useful and marketable triple-purpose sheep. In addition to shepherding full time, running a full-time business and raising a family, I am currently the President and Newsletter Editor for the Icelandic Sheep Breeders of North America (ISBONA). For more information about Icelandic sheep, please contact Laurie Ball-Gisch, 3826 N. Eastman Rd., Midland, Michigan 48642. 989/832-4908 or email: lauriebg@voyager.net. Website: http://www.lavenderfleece.com

Laurie Ball-Gisch is an artist/educator turned shepherdess. She revels in seeing artistic beauty day by day-In the eyes of her growing children and in her farm. Her current “palette” is a field of Icelandic sheep: a color-balanced painting always in progress, one she hopes will never be finished. A former public school teacher, she yet educates the public about the joys and rewards of raising Icelandic sheep and working their incredibly versatile fiber. “My current curriculum is my farm and my teacher/mentors are my sheep,” she says, “They’re the ones who teach me what it is to be a shepherdess.”

Originally published in sheep! January/February 2003 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

  Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease was originally posted by All About Chickens

[josephkitchen0]

Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease

By Laurie Ball-Gisch – The summer of 2002 was the first time I encountered White Muscle Disease in our flock of purebred Icelandic sheep. It affected two ewes I had purchased bred in late winter. We were hit hard in early June here in Michigan with severely hot and humid weather. Knowing how selenium deficient our area is, I make sure that our sheep have access at all times to free choice minerals, which I mix with kelp, and we’ve never had a problem with selenium before. However, one day I noticed these two ewes were lying down in the field rather than grazing.

Suspecting selenium deficiency, I immediately gave them Bo-SE shots and started putting extra vitamin E in the drinking water. But as the heat held on and on, both of these ewes continued to suffer. The rest of the flock was fine through the extended heat wave, but we did install large industrial fans in the barn this summer to give the flock relief from the heat. Although these two ewes were still eating, it is obvious in retrospect that their nutritional needs were suffering, and their immune system was compromised. Having not dealt with White Muscle Disease before, I didn’t realize the ramifications to other areas of their health. Because they were still eating, and when checked at deworming times, their tissues were a nice pink (up until August), I didn’t supplement them with grain, which I would do if I ever encountered this problem again.

Our best sheep advice revealed...

Even old pros say they got dozens of tips for their flocks by reading this guide. YES! I want this Free Report »  

By August my ewe named “Libby,” developed bottle jaw just 21 days after the last deworming and also became severely anemic. I immediately dewormed the entire flock, and on checking the rest of them, all were nice and pink and healthy except the two ewes with White Muscle Disease and the ram lamb (twin) out of the other sick ewe. (Another point to note is that ewes who suffer from the heat and are lying down a lot, are not up enough so that their lambs can nurse as they need to, hence compromised lambs). Were I ever to encounter this problem again, I would pull any affected ewes and lambs into a smaller paddock and start graining them. A friend of mine had taken the other affected ewe and her twins and was nursing along the two who were also showing signs of anemia.

My Libby was not recovering from White Muscle Disease, even after aggressive deworming and iron shots, as well as other vitamin and selenium shots. The bottle jaw went away within 24 hours but she had lost her appetite and a few days later the bottle jaw was back and I dewormed with another chemical. Within a week of discovering and treating the bottle jaw, she stopped eating completely, and I was increasingly afraid that she was starving to death. I wasn’t sure what to feed sheep who refuse to eat while ill with White Muscle Disease. She could not be enticed to eat any concoction of corn, grain, etc. By the second week, she could barely walk. Every few steps she had to lie down. It got so bad that she was eating dirt and every morning I expected to find her dead. It got so horrible to watch that I actually mentioned to my husband that I thought it might be kindest to put her down because I couldn’t bear to watch her starve to death from White Muscle Disease and in spite of all efforts I could think of, she was not improving.

Libby at about 10 months of age, she lambed out twins in May.

Unexpected Find

The turning point came when I found time to be cleaning my desk off (rare), and I found a page I had copied a year before from an article in Black Sheep Newsletter about using apple cider vinegar for livestock health (Issue 53, Fall 1987). The article was written by Barry Simpson for Christchurch Press (New Zealand) and reported the experiences Mr. Rupert Martin had incorporating apple cider vinegar into his livestock management practices. The story caught my eye afresh that day, and I started glancing over it and the words “…also beneficial for the treatment of mastitis, anemia, milk fever…” jumped out at me.

I immediately went out and drenched Libby with cider vinegar and water mixed 1:1 using 20 ml per the recommended dosage in the article. The rest of that day Libby refused to eat or move.

The next morning I sent my husband out because I was convinced she would be dead from White Muscle Disease. When he came back in I asked him “Is she dead?” and he said very casually, “She looks fine.”

“What do you mean, she looks fine?”

“She came running to me.”

I thought he was crazy, convinced he didn’t even know which sheep I was talking about. So I ran outside to check on Libby and to my surprise, saw her standing at the mineral feeder. When she saw me she “bbbaaaeeed” loudly and came running to me! (This ewe normally does come running noisily whenever she sees me, looking for a handout, but I hadn’t seen her run all summer, and she hadn’t made a sound in over 2 weeks). Her tongue, which the day before had been gray, was now pink.

I quickly got her some grain, which she gobbled up, and then she trotted out to the pasture to join the rest of the flock. This was the first day in two months that she stayed out in the field all day and I did not see her lie down once.

Libby made a miraculous and full recovery within 24 hours of being drenched with cider vinegar to treat White Muscle Disease. When the weather hit 90+ degrees again in September, she didn’t show any of the previous signs of stiff muscles and upon regular checks, her tissues have remained bright pink/red and healthy.

I immediately phoned my friend and suggested she drench the other ewe and her sick lamb. The next day she called me to say that the lamb was out running and playing with the other lambs and the ewe was up and grazing for the first full day since she had been ill.

We have started drenching our entire flock once a month to improve overall health and fleece quality. During our regular de-worming sheep schedule, if I notice any sheep with pale tissues, they get a double dose. Additionally, I also pour cider vinegar into their drinking water at least once a week.

On a Lighter Note

I’ve read that cider vinegar used in the ewes’ drinking water can increase the chances of having more ewe lambs born. We had a 70 percent ram crop this past year, so it will be interesting to see if that ratio changes now that we are incorporating cider vinegar into our flock health management! You can try this homemade apple cider vinegar recipe on your homestead.

A search of the internet for “cider vinegar” led to hundreds of websites extolling the health benefits of cider vinegar in humans. I remember my grandmother always had cider vinegar and oil at the table to use on her salads and greens. You can even get cider vinegar tablets now if you don’t want to use the vinegar itself! A friend said she puts one tablespoon of cider vinegar with one tablespoon of honey in an 8-ounce glass of water and drinks that once a day to stay healthy, and she’s never sick! My father has been fighting cancer for four years and had developed severe anemia this past summer due to the chemotherapy he was undergoing. At my suggestion, my mother started having him drink vinegar four times a day in water (sweetened with honey). She had been having to give him shots for the anemia and they have now been able to stop the shots, as his red blood cell count is now in the normal range. He no longer has to nap in the afternoon, and he’s keeping busy from morning until evening with his various hobbies and activities.

Mr. Martin’s Original Speech

Following is the original speech presented by Mr. Rupert Martin to the International Congress of Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders in the late 1980s. Unfortunately, Mr. Martin has passed away, but I was able to contact Mrs. Martin through Redwood Cellars and she granted me permission to reprint excerpts of his original speech here:

“My wife Grace and I have been livestock farming for more than 50 years. We run 1000 natural coloured sheep, 1000 white Romneys and 30 head of cattle at our Redwood Valley farm near Nelson. We market all our coloured wool, skins and yarns from our farm. All the products from our coloured sheep are sold directly to the consumer, even the meat.

Cider Vinegar

I was the manager of the company farm in Nelson which took 5,000 acres (2,020 hectares) of waste and scrubland to pasture. We went from no stock to running 6,000 ewes and replacements, which gave us a flock of 12,000 head to shear. We also farmed 2,000 cattle.

With such large stock numbers, we had stock health problems, often in a big way, which were difficult to get on top of. The main problem was grass staggers (U.S.: grass tetany; hypomagnesemia).

I knew cider vinegar was used on horses, but no-one would tell me why. So in desperation one day when I had two young lambs dehydrated and down with grass staggers, I decided to try the cider vinegar on them.

When I told the makers of the vinegar what I had in mind they said to be careful and to dilute the vinegar a bit. I gave the lambs a cupful each and the next day they were up and grazing. So I gave them a bit more for luck.

That was in February. Our summer was very hot and we had drought conditions. Much to our surprise in May these two lambs were in better condition than the rest, except that they had a break in their wool.

This led us to do some trial work. In our first trial, we drenched the sheep once a month from weaning in November to shearing the following October.

We had four groups and kept the wool of each group separate. The wool was all sold by auction, and the wool from the sheep drenched with cider vinegar made NZ$1.43 a head more than the rest. We were getting quite excited with our find but no one would believe us. Still, we carried on using more and more of the vinegar.

At this time I was lambing 2,600 two-tooth ewes and I believed they were deficient in iodine. I mixed minerals in with the cider vinegar and drenched just before lambing. During lambing in previous years I was going around the sheep three or four times a day, and assisting up to 14 ewes per round.

The very first time after we had used the minerals mixed in with the cider vinegar we reduced our problems at lambing down to assisting only two ewes per day. The lamb death rate at birth was reduced by a massive 80 percent. Well this was good news for us, and for the next 15 years we drenched our sheep three weeks before the rams went out, and then six weeks before lambing. We drenched the ewes again three weeks before lambing and found the results were very good. I was asked to speak at the local branch meeting of the Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders Association on stock health. I joined the association and felt I had something to offer.

Cider Vinegar Affects Wool Growth

Stock health problems and marketing of our coloured wools were then the two main problems to deal with. I had a few coloured sheep, and their wool was given to friends and staff. I started using a coloured ram over the ewes, and found that quality of the stock was a problem too. Although some good fleeces were produced, there were many rejects. So I decided to drench every month with 20cc of cider vinegar per sheep. The results were amazing. We shore in May and sold more wool in a day than we expected to sell in a year from our woolshed operation. That went on for two and a half days, and sales have been steady ever since.

We found that the cider vinegar seemed to help disperse the grease in the wool right along the fibre, making it softer and easier to shear.

I still couldn’t convince people that what I was doing was good, so I bought vinegar and gave it to friends to try. It took a long time to get going, but when the news media took an interest it just took off. This spurred me on to do more research. We found grass staggers disappeared altogether in sheep; sleepy sickness was easily cured. Scouring in calves was also easily cured. In fact, any disorder the animals had appeared to benefit from the cider vinegar.

Effects on Skins

When I first started out with the coloured wools, the natural coloured skins had no value. But the first shipment of pelts I sent to be tanned were all stolen. That proved they were worth something, so I kept going. The next shipment got through alright. They were quite easy to sell so we brought in skins and sheep for slaughter. We found we could produce the skin okay, but had up to 30 per cent of the skins grading out as seconds. That was too high, with the quality only good to average. After looking through the tannery and inspecting the skins we found that to produce a variation in colours, and to obtain large skins we had to use skins from older sheep.

Then I discovered the skins which I had brought in were not as good as my own. That led me to believe cider vinegar was playing a part in giving us quality skins. Now we prefer to condition the sheep on our own farm before slaughter, and rejects are down to one per cent or less. Our sheepskins just sell themselves. With the number of skins we were producing, we had to market the meat.

Effects on Meat

For years friends had been telling us there was ‘something’ about Redwood Valley meat as it was sweeter. No one knew why they liked it but they did, and our customers just grew and grew.

We were now at the stage where we can sell the meat faster than we can sell the skins.

I have found marketing wool, skins, and meat of coloured sheep very easy, especially with the help of cider vinegar. We have to remember in our marketing that quality is the main criterion.”

Conclusion

At the fall shearing, as the shearer was working on Libby, she looked up and said “there’s a break in her wool” and I said that I expected a wool break because of her battle with White Muscle Disease. She asked me how recently Libby had been ill, and I told her just a month ago and she asked me to come look at the wool. She pointed out over an inch and a half of new wool growth behind the break and commented that this was an amazing amount of wool for an animal to grow out in just a month.

For a ewe who had been so sick to make such a remarkable recovery to be able to grow out this amount of wool, while also gaining back her condition, so that she is now in prime condition for breeding is why I call her my “miracle ewe.”

Libby catches the eye of anybody who sees her and her amazing recovery from White Muscle Disease. It may say as much about cider vinegar as a cure as it might about her strong constitution and genetics.

She is in a breeding group now, and I am very curious to see how she will do next lambing season. It’s important to note that she lambed twins unassisted as a yearling and I’ve included here a photo of her when she came to our farm in February.

In addition to the pregnancy, twins and lactating, she herself had an enormous growth spurt that spring and summer. This may have been partially why she ended up [appearing to be] selenium deficient. I am optimistic that she will have no health problems next summer.

The Lavender Fleece Farm and Studio is located in mid-Michigan. We raise purebred registered Icelandic sheep with a special interest in preserving the rare leader sheep genetics of this beautiful, yet very useful and marketable triple-purpose sheep. In addition to shepherding full time, running a full-time business and raising a family, I am currently the President and Newsletter Editor for the Icelandic Sheep Breeders of North America (ISBONA). For more information about Icelandic sheep, please contact Laurie Ball-Gisch, 3826 N. Eastman Rd., Midland, Michigan 48642. 989/832-4908 or email: lauriebg@voyager.net. Website: http://www.lavenderfleece.com

Laurie Ball-Gisch is an artist/educator turned shepherdess. She revels in seeing artistic beauty day by day-In the eyes of her growing children and in her farm. Her current “palette” is a field of Icelandic sheep: a color-balanced painting always in progress, one she hopes will never be finished. A former public school teacher, she yet educates the public about the joys and rewards of raising Icelandic sheep and working their incredibly versatile fiber. “My current curriculum is my farm and my teacher/mentors are my sheep,” she says, “They’re the ones who teach me what it is to be a shepherdess.”

Originally published in sheep! January/February 2003 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

  Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease was originally posted by All About Chickens