#but i wanted to get this out

[sivvan]

@userdramas event 12: loss

↳ seventeen songs to listen to when you're feeling a loss of hope or direction ♡ cr: x

[sapphire-weapon]

Leon, in the intro to RE4make:

"September 30, 1998. It's a day I'll never forget. The cop inside me died that day."

---

Officer 1: So, tell me, Yanqui. Why did you come to this horrible place? As close to nowhere as I've ever seen.

Leon: Let's just say... looking for someone.

Officer 1: That someone must be very important, eh? The Chief gave the orders himself. "Help him," he said.

Leon: I'm sure you boys didn't come all the way out here to roast marshmallows.

Officers 1 & 2: (laugh)

Leon: (annoyed) Maybe you did.

Officer 1: You have a strange sense of humor. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Just between us. A lot of people have gone missing around here, and it's been that way for a while, now.

Leon: (still annoyed) Well, then. Should be just another day in the office, right?

Officer 1: Mmm... I mean, last week, there was a search for some missing hikers.

Leon: (sarcastically) I'm sure you'll do your best to help me.

Officer 1: (laughs)

[...]

Leon, much later in the scene: So much for helping me.

---

Leon, later in chapter 1:

(bitterly) "Gotta fix everything myself."

---

Leon tells Ada in RE2make that the reason why he went into law enforcement was to help people like Kendo and his daughter -- vulnerable people, good people, members of the community who are facing the worst moments of their life and need someone to help make it right.

And yet he says in the intro to RE4make that the cop inside him died that day. When we take that in context with what he told Ada about Kendo, what he means is that his desire to help people died that day. The belief that he could help people died that day.

His faith in humanity died that day.

Leon goes into his mission to save Ashley already expecting the two local officers that he's with to be completely fucking useless, and he gets immediately annoyed at the first hint that they are. His "So much for helping me" is said with a sense of "Why am I not surprised?"

He went into RE2make believing that people are generally good and that things will work themselves out.

He goes into RE4make believing that people are generally selfish and will take advantage of him, leaving him to work through any problem that arises on his own.

This is why he's so supremely pissed off at Ada when they meet back up again, and it's also why Ashley is so integral to his character arc. It's also why I've said in the past that Ada is a foil for Ashley in RE4make.

(NOTE: A foil is a character that is set up in the narrative to directly contrast with another one. Where one character is deficient, the foil character is strong, and vice versa. Where Ada is cold, Ashley is warm. Where Ada is physically capable, Ashley is defenseless. Where Ada is secretive, Ashley is honest. Where Ada is calculating, Ashley is impulsive. A foil does not necessarily exist to make one character seem better than the other; a foil exists to showcase two equals using a different approach and receiving different outcomes as a result.)

Ada is the genesis of Leon's cynicism. She's the reason why he expects less than nothing from people anymore -- the reason why he goes into every social interaction waiting to be screwed over. And she reinforces this throughout the narrative by trying to tear him down ("Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what.") or by keeping score ("Happy to help. Now you owe me.") -- which she takes even further in Separate Ways ("Don't worry, Leon. First time's free.").

In the six years since her initial betrayal, Leon has been forged into a weapon by the US government. The kind-hearted boy from RE2make who wanted to save the world now is more comfortable shoving a knife in the throat of an old woman than he is with carrying on small talk with people.

But weapons on their own are neither good nor bad. It's how they're used that determines that. Up until RE4make, Leon has been surrounded by extreme violence and senseless death (that's the point of changing Operation Javier btw), and he doesn't see a way in which his status as a weapon could possibly be used for good.

Until Ashley comes into his life.

If there was ever anyone who had a good reason to take Leon for granted and take advantage of him, it's Ashley -- but not only does she not do that, but she goes out of her way to make herself useful without expectation or strings attached. The only thing she ever asks for in return is a "thank you."

So, every time she gets that "thank you" -- every time she gets a real smile out of him -- she's returning pieces of his humanity to him. She's healing the hurts that Ada and the CIA inflicted on him so many years ago. She's showing him that there's still some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. She's worth fighting for.

When Leon says: "This time, it has to be different..." he's not talking about his inability to save anyone in Raccoon City. That's a very surface-level interpretation. What he's referring to there is that Raccoon City destroyed his faith in humanity, ruined his image of himself, and poisoned his ability to create meaningful connections with people.

That's what has to be different this time. That's why the full line he says in the intro is: "If I could just forget what happened that night... the pain, even for a second... This time, it can be different. It has to."

RE2make took so much from him, but Ashley spent the entirety of RE4make giving so much of it back. But if she were to die in his arms in chapter 15, that hope and that healing would die with her. Her death would be a reaffirmation that everything that Leon wants or hopes for in this world isn't real, and that reality is nothing more than a series of random tragedies and chaos that results in suffering.

Ashley re-teaches him how to trust in people again, how to work as part of a team again, how to feel good about his own actions again. She teaches him how to hope again.

Ashley is the first person in six years to care about whether Leon gets or feels hurt by her actions. The most important line of dialogue spoken to Leon in the entire game is "Stay back! I might hurt you again..." as Ashley openly sobs over the mere thought of it.

Juxtapose that beside...

During the boat scene, Ada asks Leon in response to whether or not she's changed, after all of the damage she's already inflicted on him: "What do you think? Don't think too hard."

And so, in the ending, Leon answers: "I think we both know that this is where we go our separate ways."

Because, this time, things were different.

Because, this time, his partner was Ashley.

[edains]

Geth Dreadnought: Ashley & Tali reunion

Ashley Williams's Andromeda Armory (LE3)

Subtle Faces for Quarians (and Tali) - LE3

Morning's Tintable Armors for Femshep LE3

Morning's Versatile Hairstyles for Femshep LE3

New Armors for Femshep LE3 (Breather)

[bookworm-center]

Give me more Sahara Desert and Amazon Rainforest dynamics.

Let me explain (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong): the Amazon Rainforest cannot exist without the Sahara Desert. Since the Amazon is so full of life, the soil has long been depleted of nutrients. The only reason it manages to survive is because of air currents and the nutrient-full sand in the Sahara.

So, to reiterate: give me more Sahara Desert and Amazon Rainforest dynamics. Give me more "I could not survive without you". Give me someone who would be shattered and broken and ruined without the other. Give me someone who might not even realize what they've done for the other. Give me more people who heal others without even knowing them.

Give me more Sahara Deserts to help the Amazon Rainforests like someone did for me.

[devouredwrites]

The party was nice, all things considered. Teague couldn't recall what it was for, but it was nice. The square had been decorated, extra lights strung up. And by all means, he was having a wonderful time- mingling, dancing, flirting with anyone open to the idea. He had even offered to grab an instrument to help entertain those gathered. This was where he should be. It was nice until he tried to eat something- just a snack that someone had brought along, smelled quite delicious by all means. It did not taste as good as it smelled- more like ash. A jarring reminder that no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise, he was no longer human.

He was sure no one would notice him slipping away from the main gathering, finding somewhere quieter. Somewhere to be alone with his thoughts. He had grown proficient in slipping away from gatherings unnoticed. Teague wasn't sure he was proud of that skill anymore. He also didn't want to be bothered right now. He wasn't going to be good company.

He should have let a hunter kill him decades ago.

[adroptodrink]

finally made this sideblog bc i know everyone on my main is tired of me talking about this ✨ plus this way i don't have to sugarcoat anything lolol

i've been restricting to ≤1k daily for about five weeks now, but thinking about increasing it just a little (1.2k/daily) and compensating with more exercise bc i've seen people say that your metabolism slows a lot if you're too far below your BMR.

idk my cw but based on the body weight visualizer i used, i'm at about 250lbs, my heaviest ever. (not 100% sure tho bc i don't have a scale and i'm bad at estimating.) i'm hoping to cut my weight by half: 125lbs. but i'm also building some muscle as i work out more, so i'm okay with being a bit above that number-wise as long as i look skinny.

don't really gravitate towards extreme thinspo/bonespo and fatspo is cruel. the only fat person whose body i hate is myself. trying to move away from meanspo for my own mental health

goals, in no particular order

fit into my old clothes

thighs don't fold over each other when i'm in bed with my knees up

smaller stomach (this is a major one)

smaller thighs, maybe a thigh gap

no double chin when i'm sitting

sharper jawline

sharper cheekbones

thinner face in general

get rid of arm fat + get better muscle tone (i'm doing better on this)

smaller hips/less fat on hips

bony fingers

[tawnysoup]

Found my fav Slay the Princess route recently. Dragon my beloved. Your horrifying beak mouth was an impossible-to-refuse lip syncing challenge 💖

Shoutouts to @blacktabbygames for making such a cool game!

[anistarrose]

Disability is not a punishment, but I think the world would be genuinely improved if every person involved in writing or regulating ingredient labels was mysteriously inflicted with at least one food allergy falling under each of the following categories: "natural flavors," "modified food starch," "artificial flavors," "spices," and "color." Down with ingredient labels so vague that they defeat the entire fucking point.

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[hansoeii]

A latte with lots of love!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I love you Safety Wizard.

(Inspired by @keroascrazy)

[theblob1958]

people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.

[rejoiceinsilverlight]

i think mabel somehow finds a picture of stan and ford's prom outfits and goes ham recreating the suits for her and dipper's prom

[unsung-idiot]

don't show him modern technology; it won't end well

bonus under the cut:

[mimimar]

(open pages for better image quality)

the moment I heard elphaba's delivery of "there's a girl i know..." in i'm not that girl i knew i had to draw this comic, i strongly recommend listening to it while you read for the full experience!

this comic is a companion to this piece (which was inspired by glinda's delivery of the same line in the i'm not that girl reprise).

pages 1-4 are from elphie's pov, pages 5-8 are from glinda's.

prints of individual pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

flower meanings in order of appearance:

[hinamie]

newest issue of first years fashion just dropped