#but i think this sentiment does not give enough credit to how fucking difficult it is to write a character like this

[lbhslefttiddie]

Could you talk a bit about how you plan out your longer fanfics? I’ve have a long fic I’ve been wanting to write, but I’m not sure how to plan/outline it, and I’d love to hear what your process is!!!

Mouse and the Thorn and Into This Wild Abyss had some very different things going on in the planning stage—it really came down to what kind of story i was telling and what was important for executing that!

(longish sowwy)

ITWA, from the moment i conceived it, revolved around sqq going through a largely preordained plot, and so i created a longass bullet list of all the major plot points and moved them around into the general order i felt it was best for them to happen. I generally kept the points brief and without flavour, lest it mess with the writing of the scene itself or I get bored of it before i even start. There was some variance in the writing stage, partially because i (cough) forgot to add several plot points in the originally planned spaces (see: xin mo), and partially because that's just sort of how it goes when you're actually feeling out a chapter, but the outline was like a guide that i would be able to pull back towards if i strayed too far, and allowed me to keep the end destination in mind, and keep track of important details. All told, the core aspects laid out in the outline didn't change much in the finished product. Frankly, it was huge relief to have that outline!! It definitely saved my ass many times. Truly a revelatory experience for me.

MotT, on the other hand, doesn't so much have a hard plot—lbh is currently 13 years old, before even the beginning of scum villain, so even the plot that comes built into this universe is a very distant thing. We basically just have a core cast of a few inextricably connected characters who are constantly influencing each other, and the "plot" is really just who is going through what character arc at this particular point in time.

Trying to create an outline would, to me, feel horribly rigid, when a lot of flexibility is necessary for something like this. Instead, i have a handful of cool scenes in my head, a general sense for where each character is at and where they're going, and it's just a matter of passing the mic around in a way that feels balanced for whatever arc we're in.

............It's worth mentioning that the way i've written/am writing MotT, while i think is for the best for this project, is also way fucking harder than how ITWA was planned and written. I've mentioned this before in passing i think, but on multiple occasions, i'll have written entire scenes out, and then need to push them back or move them around way more than anticipated because Something Else Needs To Happen First. (this also reflects in my art; the files are listed by date rather than chapter, and so some clusters of art are actually in backwards order--i did the art for what became ch 16 before 15, and 15 before 14)

It's not necessarily a problem, and I'm certainly enjoying myself, but this messy and fluid way of putting a story together straight up would not be possible if i did not already have a solid sense for pacing and balancing emotional elements. I'm absolutely certain that even a few years ago i would not have had the skill to write this fic without writing myself into a corner or rushing everything in a forced way or losing something important to the core of the story; i would go so far as to say this story is only possible because I wrote ITWA first.

I definitely would not recommend this strategy for your first longfic, personally. obviously, do what feels right for yourself, etc, and at the end of the day you should never let concerns of skill or experience stop you from writing the stories you want, but i think this process could, uh. Cause headaches. If you're out of your depth

[nullshocked]

Six Song Soundtrack Playlist

Tagged by @gravedigg

Doing this for Julien as requested uwu I'll go in depth below the cut.

1. An event that defines your character's past

Undress me, the lights low. I’m dying in your bedroom Your passion, your eyes close and I've been so low I saw your skin from the back and it freed me I saw your face in the soul…

2. How your character sees themselves

Hard headed Difficult person I’m sought after I guess Couldn’t care less Its Been nice Wasting All your time

3. How others view them

You're desperate in finding something else to please you You've been searching your whole life Something to mute, change, or just distract you Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life Cause you've always been barely alive

4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

I don't want to hold back I don't want to slip down I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I should have done I don't want to doubt you Know everything about you I don't want to sit across the table from you wishing I could run

5. A major fight scene

I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying

6. End credits song

Suffering that I see all around It's enough to keep me crashing down 'Til I, I'm wrecked and wreathing from these falls Still I believe there's a wood in the wire And I believe there's a way through the fire And I, believe, there's a joy that blooms beyond these walls

1. An event that defines your character's past

There's a lot of different ones, but the one that really kind of changed the direction of his life was the first time he ever did drugs and the series of events that followed. It led directly to his addiction, the manipulation, to being used the way he was, and hindsight has given him a lot of time to stew on those feelings. COOL.

2. How your character sees themselves

An object to be played with, used, and then discarded at the end of the night. A pretty doll to make people smile, and whose own feelings, desires, and needs corrupt and damage everyone around him. Yeah he's fine.

3. How others view them

A bit of a mess, desperately scrambling to appear normal and constantly failing. (Particularly how his surrogate big-sister and surrogate big-sister-in-law view him, not as pathetic exactly but like... yeagh,,,,)

4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

Okay so first of all. I can just vividly picture Julien singing along to this on the radio and holding Angel's hands and doing a little dance with it. Because he's a fucking dweeb. (Angel thinks it's endearing.) But also because like.... there's this sentiment of not wanting to worry about other stuff and just love someone with his whole heart. And he does. :)

5. A major fight scene

So there was a time where he was fighting for his life, but it didn't really involve an actual fight. You can extrapolate from there.

6. End credits song

Hope in seemingly hopeless times, and grasping onto little glimmers of happiness wherever you can find them. It's an important theme to Julien's story, I think.

I'll tag @patchworkgargoyle, @thetalee and @durgeteriormotives (Unless y'all have already done it. Or just don't want to. Live your best life.)

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Princess Part 13

Harry Potter AU 

Link to Part 12 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- smut, rough sex, kinks

Credit to Supernatural- the first bit is borrowed from the show because its fitting for Sirius and Regulus

_______

Sirius woke up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in the bathroom. Getting out of bed, Sirius walked down the hall and peeked in the doorway to see Regulus on his knees with his head practically in the toilet.

“You look hungover. Reg, you have some tolerance.”

Regulus groaned upon hearing his brother’s voice. Sirius was the last person that he wanted to deal with. He would have preferred that it was you ready to pamper him until the pain in his stomach stopped.

“It's more like a curse.”

Regulus replied. He was annoyed that he literally had to drink a shit ton of booze to be able to feel anything. Why in the hell did he have to get straight shit faced in order to get a decent night's sleep without nightmares?

Sirius carefully looked his brother’s extremely pale form over carefully before speaking again.

“You look sick.”

Regulus wanted to congratulate his brother on stating the obvious but maybe it was Sirius' strange way of being caring.

“Brandy tastes just as bad coming up as it does going down.”

Regulus replied. Sirius smirked deciding to go in with a bit of revenge on Regulus for making you worry so much.

“You know there's a really good cure for a hangover. It's a greasy pork sandwich served up on a dirty ashtray.”

Regulus groaned in misery before throwing up all over again.

“I hate you.”

He groaned. Sirius grinned, getting the result that he wanted the most.

“Yeah, I know you do. Better perk up, Y/n stepped out to have her hair done. She said she wanted to try to put a smile on your face. None of us have smiled much lately.”

Regulus groaned as he sat back against the bathroom wall. Sirius was definitely right on that one. Since moving in with Sirius and Remus, things had been tense. Regulus knew that he had been a lot “shorter” than normal but you seemed to be letting things slide.

Both of you were tense from “laying low.” Not being able to live your normal lives was difficult. Regulus had pretty much given up everything that he knew. The two of you were no longer going on lavish dates and being a death eater was pretty much over. Regulus didn’t mention it to you but he felt almost directionless.

Don’t let her see you be weak.

That was the one little bit of advice that Orion had given his son when it came to relationships.

You are the man in the relationship. Y/n doesn't need to see you be weak. She needs you to be the strong and confident men that you are supposed to be.

Orion’s advice had been helpful for most of Regulus’ life when it came to his relationship with you. He figured that was why things worked out the way that they did. He was trained on how to be the “Black family-approved” husband and you were the “Black family-approved” wife.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

Regulus muttered as he stood up to freshen himself up. Sirius didn’t move from his place by the door as Regulus looked at his normally neat and tidy appearance. Today, however, Regulus' hair was a mess and he had what looked like a light five o’clock shadow forming.

“You should probably take a shower and comb your hair.”

Sirius suggested. Regulus ran a hand through his messy curls before turning back to his brother.

“Bye Sirius!”

(meanwhile)

You sat in the beautician’s chair as she worked on your hair.

“You’re going to be lovely. I’m glad to hear that you have gotten back with Regulus.”

The beautician, Kendra, said with a happy smile. She seemed to miss the way that your mouth dropped at the comment. You hadn’t mentioned to Kendra anything about your relationship with Regulus to her.

“Excuse me?”

You questioned. Kendra smiled from over the chair.

“I spoke with Emma a few weeks ago. She said the two of you had broken up over you having pre-wedding jitters. How were you able to move past Regulus and Emma’s affair?”

Your mouth dropped at that comment. Just what was Emma Rosier telling people?

“There was no affair between Regulus and Emma. It sounds like she is just running her mouth. Between you and me, it sounded like Emma was doing a lot of talking that made no sense. I think that your cousin’s death hit her a little harder than expected.”

You wanted to feel sorry for Emma at the moment but you couldn’t. She was dealing with her pain but wanting to cause you more. You had, at one point, wanted to feel sorry for her but you wasn’t now.

“She’s gone batshit and if you see her feel free to let her know.”

Arriving back home, you were still fuming over Emma. You had been so lost in your own world that you didn’t notice Regulus sitting on the couch with his shirt halfway unbuttoned. He raised an eyebrow when you didn’t notice his current “state.” Normally, if you saw him with his shirt halfway undone you took it an invitation for a good afternoon fuck.

“You seem a bit distracted.”

Regulus’ said as he noticed the distracted expression on your face. You looked at him like a deer in the headlights as Regulus stood up. Holy, fuck when was the last time that you had seen Regulus looking like this?

He stood looking at you with the Black family scowl on his face as he raised an eyebrow at you. Blinking, your eyes fell down his body. You could see a little bit of his chest and the way that he had his shirt sleeves rolled up made the desperate lover within you ache. Had it really been so long since you had seen Regulus look like this? He looked just like the man that you had fallen in love with.

“Reggie…”

“You look pretty...very pretty...fucking gorgeous actually.”

You blushed as Regulus closed the gap between your bodies and cupped your cheek. He smiled before tilting your face to his. Leaning down for a kiss, he let his tongue caress your bottom lip before pulling away. Regulus made sure to make the kiss as teasing as possible. He wanted you as sexually frustrated as he felt.

“You’re such a pretty little love. What would you like, sweetheart?”

You batted your eyes before contemplating if you should give Regulus a sweet response or just be blunt. After a moment of deciding, you decided to go with the latter.

“My pussy could use some company.”

Regulus gave her a devilishly delicious grin. He wrapped his hands around your waist and yanked your body against his.

“Then go upstairs and be waiting for me naked. I’m going to fix myself a drink and I will join you momentarily.”

“Yes, sir.”

You said before turning and running up the stairs. As quickly as possible, you undressed down to your bra and knickers. Your hands had barely undone the clasp of your bra when Regulus walked into the bedroom with a drink in his hand. You were immediately curious if it was just water or if he had alcohol in his hand. Going with the latter, you decided Regulus was probably drinking...

“Now I thought that I made myself very clear. I am sure that I told you to be naked. I still see knickers on your ass. Now get over here, I am going to put you across my knee for not doing as you were told, little girl.”

Regulus sat down on the small sofa that was in the corner of the bedroom. He spread his legs enough to give you a bigger surface to lay on. You did as you were told and lay across Regulus’ laps. Involuntarily, you raised your ass up a bit as Regulus’ hand gently rub over your cheek.

“I don’t know why you have to be so naughty. I wanted to bring you upstairs and make sweet gentle love to you but now I want to play hard.”

Before you could respond, Regulus’ hand moved from gently rubbing to crashing against your ass with a loud POP. The pain felt so damn good! You began to squirm in hopes to put some pressure on your swollen clit. Rubbing against Regulus’ thigh provided some comfort but it wasn’t enough. Regulus held you in place so you wouldn’t be able to give yourself too much relief. The pleasure stopped as soon as it began. Regulus noticed the wet spot on his dress pants

“Oh, princess, look what you did. Now how are you going to fix this? I rather liked these jeans.”

You slid off of Regulus’ lap and settled between his legs. Meeting his gaze for permission, you waited until he raised an eyebrow as if asking what the hold up was? Your skilled fingers unbuckled his belt before moving to ease his dress pants down his slender hips.

Regulus was hard as a rock when you finally freed his cock from his pants.

“May I?”

You asked with a sweet smile. If you were sweet as pie, Regulus would let you do whatever you wanted.

“Go on.”

Regulus replied. You gently took Regulus into your mouth and sucked eagerly at the head of of cock. Regulus sighed before swearing under his breath. He reached down and stroked his hand through your hair.

“You always know how to touch me. I could never want another. You will always be my only one, princess.”

When your eyes fluttered open and met him you silently agreed to the sentiment returning your own promise of love. Regulus let you continue with the blowjob for a moment before saying,

"Enough! Get on the bed and on your back.”

You didn’t wait for Regulus to tell you twice before getting on the bed and spreading your legs wide. Slowly, you slipped your hand down your body to stroke over your clit and tease your entrance.

“Harder, Reggie.”

Regulus was unbuttoning his shirt but stopped hearing you moan his name. It was Regulus’ turn to look like a deer in the headlight but he quickly recovered.

“Naughty girl.”

Regulus replied before kneeling down on the floor. He reached up and yanked you to him by your thighs. Draping your legs over his shoulders, Regulus buried his face between your legs. He inhaled your scent before pressing a soft kiss to your mound before turning to your thigh. Without thinking about what he was doing, Regulus sucked a love bite onto your tender skin. He planned on marking you up so everyone would be able to see.

You cried out from under him. The moment that your fingers tangled in his curls, Regulus groaned. You messing with his hair would forever be his weakness. He remained motionless before resuming his licking. You began to feel the pleasure mounting. With each moment the tension in your legs and your cries let Regulus know how close you were to coming. He gave you one brief moment of no contact before engulfing your clit. Regulus sucked on it relentlessly until your body writhed with pleasure. When you finally came, Regulus remained in place licking whatever you had to give him.

Regulus slowly stood up, unable to wait anymore. He had to have you. There would be no more waiting! Regulus positioned you onto your side as he sat up on his knees. Placing your leg up the length of his chest and over his shoulder, Regulus lowered enough to push his cock into your waiting pussy.

“Damn it.”

Regulus growled as he sat up a steady pace that left both of you moaning each other’s names. Flipping his now messy curls back, Regulus let his head fall back as your body began to tighten around his.

You weren’t even able to say that you were coming as your orgasm hit you. Regulus’ eyes snapped open wide.

“Fuck, princess. You’re going to suffocate my cock...keep going.”

Regulus pounded you through your orgasm until he felt his building.

"Oh my god, I can't hold it,"

He said through clenched teeth. Regulus’ pace quickened as his balls slapped against your ass. He gave you a few more quick deep thrusts then his whole body stiffened and froze on the brink of what was quite possibly the best orgasm that he had in a long time. Unable to hold back any longer, he exploded inside of you.

When the waves subsided, Regulus collapsed on top of you. He smiled when you wrapped your arms around his shoulders trying to preserve the close contact. Regulus wasn’t about to pull away. He wanted to keep his cock inside of you. Between your body being nice and warm and hopes of a round two, withdrawing made no sense.

Regulus’ peaceful state was ruined when there was a knock on the door.

“Mother fucking hell.”

Regulus grunted as he pulled out of you and reached for an abandoned towel to wrap around his waist. He hoped that whoever was on the other side of the door didn’t mind being greeted by his naked self with love bites all over his neck.

Cracking the door, Regulus frowned seeing Sirius on the other side. His older brother’s eyes widened seeing Regulus’ current state. Sirius didn’t expect Regulus with only a towel around his waist to open the door. He had a feeling that if he looked further in the room he would see you butt booty naked waiting for Regulus to come back.

“First off, gross. Second, I have some bad news...dad was found dead. It looks like death eaters did it. I have a feeling that this is tied in with our old buddy Emma Rosier.”

Regulus’ mouth dropped.

“I’ll be downstairs in five minutes.”

_______

@amelie-black @regulusheadcanons @truly-insatiable @realgaytrash @sunles @fific7 @val-sixx @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @spiderxalmighty @criminalyetminimal @whymyparentscheckmyphone @hazncalsgal @bennyberry @jessyballet @knreidy1 @rubyroscoe1 @acciosiriusblack @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @hankypranky @fandom-trash-worth-it @summer-novak @marichromatic @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @li0nh34rt @tas898 @stuckinsaudi1 @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @shitfaceddaniel @deanwherescas @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[piracytheorist]

Small Signs (1/1)

Fandom: Resident Evil 7

Summary: Ethan wakes up, thinking of his wife, who has been missing for three years. Little does he know today will be the first news of her he'll get since she disappeared.

Word count: 1.4k AO3

~

Another dull day.

Another day Ethan wakes up and the other side of the bed is cold.

One would think that he would get used to it, after all this time. But no. Some days he still finds himself waking up and instinctively reaching to hold her.

She always responded to his touch, no matter how deep her sleep. She would sigh and move her body closer to him, then nestle there until she actually woke. He would wait for her to wake up, work honestly be damned, he'd think sometimes.

He stretches his arm, laying it where she would've been, hand on the pillow, fingers running softly over the fabric. He would’ve been mad to think that her scent could have stayed on it after three years.

He sighs. Three years of confusion.

Work be damned, he used to think, but it's the only thing that has managed to keep his mind occupied. His co-workers realized quickly that he was dealing with Mia's disappearance on his own way and time, and they left him alone about all the "You should move on" stuff as soon as they started.

Not that he doesn't appreciate their sympathy. But they’re not in the know.

Even their friends feel distanced to him now. They’ve mourned Mia already, and he’s now the odd one out. He still enjoys their company, but despite the remarks on how it isn't too early to start going out again being rare, sometimes it feels like they can’t get it.

He just wishes he had any fucking way to explain to them the very last message he got from Mia.

"Stay away. Forget that you ever knew me. Have a good life."

It still sends shivers down his spine to think of it. He remembers the moment he watched it the first time clear as ever. How he'd stayed frozen, almost shivering from shock, in front of his computer, for who knows how long after the video had ended. The sirens blaring in the background. Mia's distraught, tired, dirty face. Her telling him to forget her. Completely. As if she never existed.

A part of him – a small one, but a part nonetheless – was almost angry at her request. She'd lied to him – and admitted so – and after all those years of being together, she just expected him to forget all about it? Their love? Her admittance? Her guilt?

Her?

He groans in frustration. Despite anything else, he feels guilty for being even that little angry at her. And for the life of him, he can’t believe she didn’t love him. She couldn’t have just left him… there must have been another reason.

Maybe he should do as she said and have a good life. Maybe he should really move on. Maybe he should just do as their friends want to tell him but won't.

But still... If they had known...

The police had instructed him to not tell anyone about Mia's last video. Even if they hadn't, he still had no idea how to even start that conversation.

"Yeah, first she sent me that sweet message, with the promise of coming back soon, and that same night she sent me this one and it scared the shit out of me. And then she disappeared without a trace. Can you see now why I can't really move on?"

If only he knew what happened. Without a body found, he believes he'll spend eternity hoping he'll get news of her. Not that a body is difficult to get lost and destroyed to the point of no recognition, that fucking voice he hasn’t been able to mute even three years later, says again.

If only he could just know what happened. How, or why she disappeared. If she died, at least if it was quick and painless. At this point he's gotten used to the jab inside his chest at the thought of her actually being dead. It still hurts as much as first, but the pain comes less often and more anticipated.

He wants answers. What was with the creepy video, why she lied to him, what she hid from him.

Who is he kidding? Most of all, he wants her.

It isn't like that every day. He gets up with his alarm clock and loses himself in the morning prep routine, focuses on work, goes back home and finds ways to spend the day by either cleaning, tidying up, maybe distracting himself with a beer with friends and then goes to sleep, hoping the next day will provide opportunities for distractions again.

He's given up on the piano. He was pretty mediocre at it already, so it's not like he has any memories of himself playing exquisite sonatas and Mia sitting next to him, being entranced by his fingers dancing across the keys. But he's supposed to be happy for it. He's supposed to give heart to it.

He doesn't feel like he has much of a heart left. Sad thought, he's aware. But it's also true.

The alarm clock on his phone finally rings. He silences it and gets up.

That one small difference, waking up a few minutes before the alarm, stains his entire day. When he opens the cupboard to take the coffee jar, his eyes fall on the sugar jar and he remembers how Mia took her coffee with sugar, and how that jar has barely seen any use in the past three years. When he washes his now empty coffee mug, the lack of a second cup to wash brings a feeling of emptiness in him. When he brushes his teeth, Mia’s old toothbrush is almost taunting him. He didn’t throw it away at first, because, well, she could have returned at any time, right? After the designated three months since she’d first used it passed, he felt as if throwing it away would send out a sign of resignation to the universe, or something. So there it stays and haunts him.

He’s almost managed to forget about that and ignore its existence. But today, being such a day, when he opens the towel cupboard to take out a new one, it catches his eye. An unopened pregnancy test box, probably expired by now.

The last pregnancy test Mia’d had was negative. “When I come back, we’ll try again. It will be positive, then. I know it,” she’d said.

He just had to change the towels today of all days, didn’t he?

He thinks that getting out of the apartment will make him feel better, with some – relatively – clean air in his lungs. Instead, it makes him feel emptier. No goodbye kiss, no see you later, her house keys still and always missing.

Even with work he can't get his mind off. Especially when an old man calls him for help with his computer and starts talking about how it was a gift from his lovely wife.

Is it too much, that he once dreamed – and sometimes, his traitorous mind still dreams – of himself and Mia growing into an adorable old couple like them? Is it because he was so damn happy, that the universe decided a different path for him?

Ethan feels thankful, albeit reluctant, when Jim invites him out for drinks that night.

Had he been asked, he'd never believe that his sullen mood that day would be a sign. A sign that, while Jim would be talking about a particularly demanding and annoying customer, Ethan's phone would ring with a notification. That he'd turn it on and in a shocked state he'd see that he got an email. From Mia.

Dulvey, Louisiana. Baker Farm. Come get me.

It's her account, he knows it. He even knows the password; he had logged in a few times over the past three years in the frail hope it would somehow bring her to him. Last time was one and a half month ago, on their anniversary.

He doesn't even stop to think. Louisiana, fuck, that's nearly across the country.

Well, no time to waste then. He starts picking up his stuff.

"You okay?" Jim asks.

"Yeah. I- I gotta go."

"Something wrong?"

"No, I just- I gotta go."

"Ethan, what the hell?"

What the hell indeed.

He nearly runs to the exit, not looking back at his friend.

Mia is out there, calling out to him, and he's going to get her back.

~

A/N: Boi has no single clue what nightmare he's getting himself into XD

Anyway, I headcanon that Ethan plays a bit of piano. There are enough appearances of pianos both in RE7 and RE8 (and even a puzzle with one) so I'm going with that. I feel that it's just a hobby to him, so practicing everyday is not his priority, and after Mia disappeared it would just feel wrong to him. Boi's sentimental af.

I looked all over the game's credits, and I couldn't find if the dude Ethan calls at the begining of the game has a name (or even who voices him, lol), so I gave him one myself. I just thought it'd be cool to tie it in that way.

Also, hey, this is the first time I write for this fandom. Yay me! Here's to probably writing more fic!

[morwensteelsheen]

History as an academic discipline is quite a bit more scientific than I think people on tumblr are really interested in giving it credit for. I don’t want to diagnose the root cause of the problem too much, but I do think it’s quite intimately related to the way in which lots of folk on here are driving by emotional politics rather than ideological politics — which is to say, people feel that something should be the case, and therefore believe X, Y, or Z, rather than people have a structural analysis of something, and therefore believe X, Y, or Z. This goes hand in hand with the rise of popular individualism in the anglo west in the late 70s, early 80s (see Emily Robinson et al.) and the various associates political/cultural elements therein. I won’t say more here, but this is a lot of what my research is on, So I do have thoughts.

Anyways — history is a far more scientific discipline than people are really ready to accept on here. When you go through training as a historian, you’re trained in a variety of methodologies and historiographical philosophies, and a lot of them sit in tension or contradiction with one another. However, even the most hardline subjectivists (like EH Carr, for example) would agree with this premise: historiographical narratives cannot be disproved on sentiment alone. They can only be disproved with sufficient research or reinterpretation of extant evidence. They cannot be disproved simply because they don’t feel right.

What that means — and this is an emotionally and politically complex reality of the field, please don’t assume that I’m endorsing it — is that as historians, we have to accept certain things as historical fact, even if we don’t necessarily agree with them morally or politically. For an example from my field, I think it’s incredibly gender essentialist and degrading to assert that ‘women tend to tell more emotive life histories and men tend to tell more event-oriented life histories.’ But the existing research says that this is true. In my research, I’ve worked to overturn this orthodoxy by uncovering new evidence of women who don’t tell emotive life histories and instead choose event-oriented narrative structures. I have also reinterpreted existing evidence to argue that the initial conclusions are wrong. However, given that my research has not yet stood up to peer review, nor has it been published, I have to accept that the state of historiographical play says that the above statement is true. I feel as if that’s wrong, but insofar as proving that it’s wrong goes, I haven’t met the criteria yet. I intend to, but I’m not there yet.

This is fine, this process doesn’t cause problems for trained historians, for archivists, museologists, etc. The problems arise when laypeople — particularly laypeople on social media — misinterpret how and why this process of knowledge production exists the way it does, and through that misinterpretation extrapolate information that they should not reasonably be extrapolating to draw illogical conclusions. To continue the example of my research, it would not be unsurprising to see people on tumblr call me a gender essentialist for accepting that historiographical premise in my work. It would not matter that politically I am not a gender essentialist, nor would it matter that my work seeks to problematise that gender essentialism, the very fact of my beginning with a widely-accepted (if politically and historically incorrect!) premise for my research would be enough to earn the GE label. You see this frequently with the generalisations that history as a discipline is homophobic, that historians are all colonisers, or that historical work is inherently misogynistic. The problem here is that it erases and complicates the work of historians who are trying to unsettle those norms — and the historians who are not homophobic, imperialist, or misogynistic and who are not working to unsettle those norms, but whose work nonetheless remains valid and important.

We, as historians, cannot problematise every bit of knowledge at all moments. The orthodoxy has to be chipped away bit by bit. I’m not going to say that it isn’t frustrating, tiring, or even (tbh) dehumanising, but it’s the state of the state in academia. But that we are forced to work within these incredibly tight parameters does not make us morally or politically illegitimate; if there is a way to secure a revolution in the academy that has not yet been tried, I would welcome advice on it. Such as it is, reform is the only plausible path forward (in the academy!!! Not generally!!!).

When people on tumblr, typically people who are not aware of how the historiographical process works, pontificate about historians writ large being homophobic/misogynistic/racist/whatever, they are actively damaging the historians who most need to be heard. The pale, male, and stale bourgeois academics aren’t hurt by those accusations, because they simply don’t give a fuck. Historians like me, however, queer, disabled, nb historians (for just one case), are hurt by those accusations. It functions as a delegitimisation of the research that I do, of the serious and credible political work I am undertaking both as a researcher and as an activist, and it encourages me to give up on this small corner of a wider struggle. If historians like me — or indeed historians not like me, but who do not fit the bourgeois academic mould — are chased out of the academy, you will not have succeeded in making history more accurate, more diverse, or more politically correct in its analyses. You will have, essentially, ceded the ground to the regressive orthodoxy. And for whatever criticisms I have of tumblr’s liberalism and general detachment from practical politics (go touch some fuckin’ grass guys!), I do not actually believe that you’re trying to undermine the effort to decolonise and democratise knowledge. I think a lot of you are being incredibly unhelpful and even very damaging, but I think it stems from ignorance, not malice.

Anyways, it’s really late, I’m very tired, I’ve had an incredibly difficult day dealing with people (historians! yes! bad women historians!) who promote rank misogyny in their obsession with emotive politics above serious politics, so I’ll do everyone a favour and stop talking and go to bed. But I do really wish people would approach this stuff with more sensitivity and respect than they do right now. Ugh. Okay. Night.

[nanstgeorge]

how acosf makes sense: the essay

i hate that i get so annoyed with acotar since it’s unfair cause it’s an unfinished series but as someone who likes knowing why a story is choosing to go down any particular direction—i can’t help but be frustrated? the original trilogy had solid foreshadowing which made it easy to understand how well orchestrated feyre’s arc was. but while i know that acotar is character based, as opposed to tog, it just feels like sjm bent so many of her storybuilding rules in acosf. nesta’s journey is one of the first things that comes to mind when thinking about my issues with the book. not because it was ooc, but rather that it was so unexpected and so terribly accurate. it’s difficult for me to give sjm credit on this because i have a feeling it was sjm’s self-indulgence instead of masterful storytelling that unintentionally created one of her greatest arcs ever.

for starters, i might just have zero reading comprehension but to me, there were so many signs of nesta not being a physical warrior and more of a mental strategist. so basically, nothing caught me more off guard than the entire valkyrie arc. not that there’s an issue with it since it ended up being one of my favorite elements of acosf, but it made me doubt my entire characterization of nesta.

it was likely that all of our initial theories of acosf were that there was an illyrian rebellion that nesta and cassian were going to have to deal with along with the antagonism of devlon. nesta was described so many times as a “queen holding court” in the original trilogy that i assumed she would make battle strategy her kingdom. but instead, everything that was introduced in acofas got snuffed in the first five chapters of acosf. knowing the three year difference in-between acofas and acosf, it makes sense that this was just another plotline that sjm changed her mind on. other examples of this are the flames drawn on the drawer to represent lucien/nesta and that both archeron sisters were only supposed to be evil stepsisters. both are clear indicators that nesta’s story was constantly changing over the course of several years.

going into the second phase of acotar, it was important to note that the pov change would complicate the story even more. we only knew nesta through feyre so everything that was described about her would be somewhat biased. nesta and feyre probably have the most complicated dynamic in the entire series so this was a very dramatic perspective shift. nesta was the haughty eldest sister that didn’t seem to care about anyone besides herself and elain. she treated feyre like trash and didn’t give a fuck. almost every mention of her in the first book has a somewhat negative connotation and it’s clearly stated that nesta is their mother’s daughter. but then, the audience finds out along with feyre that nesta tried to go over the wall for her. this is extremely significant for obvious reasons relating to their strained relationship but also when it’s noted that at this point in the story, feyre thought everyone forgot about her.

“You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” - Nesta, Chapter 2

My family, glamoured, cared for, safe, still had no idea where I was. The mortal world … it had moved on without me, as if I had never existed. A whisper of a miserable life—gone, unremembered by anyone whom I’d known or cared for. - Feyre, Chapter 19

No one would remember me back home—I was as good as dead to them. - Feyre, Chapter 19

I would never be able to paint Elain’s little garden outside the cottage the way I remembered it, even if my family didn’t remember me. - Feyre, Chapter 19

feyre was broken over the thought of no one remembering her and we find out that nesta—nesta of all people—came for her. the bitchy older sister, who refused to hunt in the woods and called feyre a savage for it, was the only one who remembered feyre and even tried to do something about it. this is not just a surprise to the audience but to feyre which proves that all of nesta’s mentions in the trilogy can be taken as very ambiguous. it’s after this moment that we can conclude that nesta does in fact care about feyre and there’s more to her than expected.

but aside from the obvious statement that every assessment in a sole narrators POV is biased, what makes acosf even stranger is that nesta’s ultimate arc to becoming a warrior makes complete sense? as human emissary, nesta made a good speech at the council meeting but she’s also driven by emotion, stubborn, and straight up impulsive when it comes to her actions. a prime example being that she had the choice to flea to safety but instead chose to literally die with a man she’d known for less than a year. this was a character that relied on her younger sister to keep her alive and was seemingly supposed to be selfish: yet given the option, she physically could not leave cassian and wouldn’t let him die alone.

to me, it’s a call back to when she chose not to marry tomas mandray in the first story. a man who, while also poor was still better off than the archeron’s were, could have given her a step up from her own life. tomas is a way out for nesta and she was going to use him to keep elain from starving. we then find out in a deleted scene between cassian and nesta that tomas had also attempted to sexually assault nesta and that feyre’s characterization of him as a “bad man” was correct. yet it’s explicitly stated that the attempted assault took place the day nesta ended their relationship. a relationship that nesta was ending because tomas refused to go to the woods with her to save feyre. nesta was willing to overlook everything about tomas, even offer her body to him, but his refusal to save her sister was the one thing she couldn’t accept.

“What happened to Tomas Mandray?” I asked, the words strangled. “I realized he wouldn’t have gone with me to save you from Prythian.”

No, she had not been with any male, Fae or human. Tomas had wanted to, and she . . . some part of her had known no future lay with him. Knew about his hateful father, and that he did nothing to prevent the man from beating his mother.

She’d been prepared to offer the only thing she had to barter to Tomas, if it would have kept Elain from starving. Would have sold her body on the street to anyone who’d pay her enough to feed her sister. Her body had meant nothing to her—nothing, she’d told herself as she’d felt her options closing in. Elain meant everything.

“But Feyre had come back with that food. And then vanished over the wall. Three days afterward, Nesta broke it off with Tomas.”

and to add on to the pile of initial nesta sentiments, she never wanted to be in a position of power in the first place unless it kept her from feeling weak. she was mean to people because she was angry at everything and cruel words were her only line of defense. but her arc as a valkyrie allowed her to become physically stronger and gave her an outlet to channel all of her energy. quite frankly, it’s easier to look back on how it was always elain who held the strings and was more of a strategist than feyre or nesta could ever dream.

all in all, i won’t give sjm credit for choosing to not expand on nesta’s death powers (since it annoys me lmao) but it’s clear that those were clearly unimportant to her storyline. she stole those powers out of anger and they would always remind her of the trauma from the cauldron anyway. they weren’t essential to the story because they weren’t nesta. the powers belonged to the cauldron whereas it was through being a valkyrie that she used her own personal strength. looking back, nesta’s entire supposed arc from the original trilogy is probably like the biggest red herring ever?

[dungeonguild]

for us (and what’s to come) [4/?]

11 March 2020

Mittwoch 11:08

“Do you remember that time in the corridor?”

David stops typing on his laptop, having slipped out of bed to work at his desk, trying to get some of his scripting work done for this class in film school before Matteo wakes up from his slumber and they start their day together. Some of his professors cancelled classes, while Matteo does not have to work, so they would probably spend the day between the kitchen, the room and the living room, probably with Matteo in his lap as they binge watch some show that they have started a few days back when neither of them could fall asleep.

He has not even noticed Matteo waking up, like the tell tale signs of the sheets rustling, or Matteo blindly feeling around the bed, or the light footsteps padding along the floorboard. Matteo is already wrapping his arms around David’s shoulders from behind, resting his chin on top of David’s head, pressing a kiss in his hair to greet him good morning.

He rests his hand on Matteo’s, rubbing in small circles on the back of his hand.

Matteo, who is the master of vague statements and questions.

“Which time in the corridor? Is it the one when we nearly jumped each other in the corridor outside Kiki and Carlos’ flat only to hear them actually fucking?”

That earns David a light shove on his shoulder, but Matteo is laughing, and falls into the chair at the desk next to David, resting his head on David’s shoulder as he vibrates with his giggles. He rubs his cheek against it like a cat when he steadies his breath again. David’s fingers instinctively find their way into Matteo’s hair, combing through and playing with it mindlessly as he tries to finish the paragraph he is writing with only one hand, lest the idea he has with the particular scene eludes him  later. Matteo seems content to stay right there and let David continue with his work, giving David company and making his presence known through the lull of his body as he breathes in and out. If not for the fact that David knows he looks like he is thinking of something when David glances at him, it would not have been a stretch for him to assume that Matteo has fallen back to sleep - which is a tangible possibility in any circumstance.

Just as David saves and closes the document, deciding that he has other things that he prefers doing right now, Matteo speaks up, continuing the conversation that they have abandoned a few minutes ago.

“I was thinking of the time when I first saw you. At Barnim.”

If there is one thing he could not forget about that is associated with the corridors of the school that he did his abitur in, it would be this. The time when he and Matteo first locked eyes.

“Of course I do.” David replies, turning his head towards Matteo and pressing a kiss on his forehead. “I was wondering why that guy was staring at me weirdly.”

Matteo makes an offended noise and moves to pull away, but with David’s arm securely wrapped around him, it is a lost cause from the get go, and Matteo, with all his minimal acting ability, begrudgingly stays put. David sees through all of that without difficulty, only booping Matteo’s nose in response to the little theatrical pout he has plastered on his face.

“What were you thinking at that moment?” David asks, rolling away backwards on his chair, tilting his head at Matteo as he asks the question and picking up the cereal bar he has forgotten on the bedside table, splitting it in half after unwrapping the packing. He offers Matteo one half, who just opens his mouth and points at it. He rolls his eyes and walks back over to place it in Matteo’s mouth, who winks in response before starting to chew as loud as he could - like a gremlin that he is.

“I thought.” Matteo says, as he swallows the bar in record time while David has barely gotten to half of it, “I saw the hottest guy in the world. And, oh my god, he is looking back. Twice.”

That puts the whole image back into David’s head again. He remembers it well, not that he thinks he and Matteo had ever talked about this moment, as they have always been more about creating new moments together. He remembers seeing Matteo from afar shortly after switching schools, seeing him with another boy - Jonas, and how he thought the little smile beneath the messy mop of hair is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, and thinking to himself that the last thing he needed was getting to know anyone. Matteo made the task of laying low very difficult, and the rest is history.

“I mean, anyone would look back and figure out what is going on when someone is staring at you weirdly.” David says instead, pushing Matteo’s buttons.

Without fail, Matteo takes the bait.

“Oh my god, David. Stop being so mean.” He whines. “I can’t believe I want to break up with you on an anniversary.”

“Anniversary?” David parrots. Then he connects the dots. “Was that seriously one year ago?” He wonders out loud as he stares out of the window. It is unbelievable that it was already a year when everything with Matteo, with film school, with all the good in his life still feels like yesterday, like it is a new start that would propel David forward.

“Yup, and I’m walking out!” Matteo announces as he stands up, acting as if he is going to walk out from his own place with none of his items with him - not even his phone. David hugs him and stops him regardless.

“Do you think I would let someone I thought I would be very lucky to have walk away from me when I have actually gotten him?” He says, as he turns Matteo around, seeing a secret little smile playing out on his face.

“Is that what you thought?” Matteo asks.

David smiles, deciding he has had enough of pushing Matteo’s buttons and that a heart-to-heart is probably in order.

“That, yeah.” He whispers, standing closer into Matteo’s space, his hands resting on Matteo’s hips to keep him in place. “And that I wanted to know more about him, to understand him, and understand why he sees me.”

“And then I thought that was not part of my plan, getting to know people and all that.”

“I am glad that you did not stick to your plan.” Matteo whispers back, like it is a secret just to be known by the two of them.

“I am glad that you found me and got me again and again and foiled that stupid plan.” David agrees.

David lets Matteo pull him closer, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a small kiss on David’s pulse point. David runs a hand down Matteo’s back, waiting as Matteo thinks of the next thing to say. Matteo has never been one that is good with words, always taking his time to formulate his thoughts, especially when it is something that he takes it seriously and means it wholeheartedly. His language of touch though, is as expressive as it gets, and one that David has gotten very fluent at, and he knows that Matteo is expressing how much he loves David and how much he means to him. It is not a rare sentiment, but probably one that is more intense right now than the usual.

“You’re the best thing that happened to my life. I cannot imagine where I’ll be if I never met you, or that we never talked.”

“Me neither.”

They stay standing there in each other’s arms, neither saying anything, just enveloped in each other’s warmth and scent, feeling the comfort of each other’s touch, feeling as present as they are when they are with each other, knowing they both understand without needing to explain, that the days are brighter and warmer together, that maybe their lives were destined to be entwined from the moment they locked eyes a year ago, in that corridor at their high school.

Life has changed so much in a year, with film school, with moving to a new flat, with a whole new group of friends, with Matteo. But in the sea change, Matteo has become the constant in his life, that David feels the safest, the most content, the freest, the most comfortable with. That Matteo has slowly wormed his way into David’s heart and found a home there, and David has found that, maybe Matteo is home to him.

They only break apart when Matteo’s stomach loudly protests about the lack of food being present in his system, and they move on into the kitchen, with David trying not to be useless in there, just about managing to whip up the mixture for Matteo to make the pancakes.

Later, when they are settled on the couch with Matteo lying in David’s lap as they continue with the show on stream that they have been binging, a thought from their previous conversation comes back into his mind, despite any hint of it happening having been long in the past as their intimate, soft atmosphere got replaced with their usual jokey and fun while they were screwing around in the kitchen and over food.

“But do you think this is our anniversary?” He asks, as he plays with Matteo’s hair, as the credits starts rolling for the first episode they are watching today.

“It is.”

David thinks about it, but before he can say anything, Matteo continues.

“We have many anniversaries. And today is when we first saw each other.”

David hums.

“I guess that makes sense. Everyday can be an anniversary for something.”

“We will create many more memories together.”

Matteo laces his fingers with David’s resting them on Matteo’s chest like it is the thing he treasures the most, as they focus back on the screen with the new episode starting to play.

For today, the memory is being utterly domestic.

[kpopfanfictrash]

62 + my bb hoseok. ily squish fish.

*coughs* um, here. [ drabble game is closed ]

“No,” you respond, crossing your arms. “Absolutely not.”

Rolling his eyes, Hoseok pushes a hand through his hair. Theresult is a rumpled, dark mess you can’t help but look twice at. 

“Why not?” he says.

His words come out a s barely more than a whine; the sound is annoying enough that you glare. 

“Because.” You gesture at the lone King-sized bed inthe middle of the room. “We are not sharing thattonight. I don’t give a flying fuck that Anna is getting married tomorrow, orthat I’m the maid of honor. This is where I draw the line.”

Hoseok exhales as he walks towards thedresser. “Listen,” he says, glancing at you in the mirror. His fingers workquickly to loosen his belt. “It isn’t as though I’m happy with this arrangement either. It’s just… you know, this is our best friends’ wedding. We’resupposed to be making things easier on them, not harder.”

Jaw tight, you stare him down in the mirror. You hate the fact that Hoseok is right. Anna and Yoongi are getting married tomorrow and Hoseokis the best man, and you’re the maid of honor. 

This rehearsal dinner is notthe first time you two have met, however. 

The first time you met was the night before Anna’s bacheloretteparty. You see, Anna had always wanted a male stripper for her party and you, as her maid ofhonor, were sent to scope out your options. This quest brought you uptown, to a small dancestudio where a stripper named Ricardo was meeting you for a demonstration.

As soon as you entered, you found yourself face toface with Hoseok. He was just leaving a practice room, sweat practically dripping fromhis brow and fuck, was he hot. With his cut jawline, sloped nose and million-wattsmile, there were no other words for it. 

He was so hot, in fact, you thought for a moment he was Ricardo. You two talked for a bit – okay, maybe you even flirted –until you finally asked how much he charged for the night.

Hoseok’s jaw nearly dropped through the floor. He quicklyset the record straight, barely holding in laughter the entire time, but from that moment on,you knew you were doomed. This error has followed you around ever since. Hoseoknever fails to tease you and you despise him for it. 

Okay, so maybe you onlydespise the part where you came off as a fool – to his credit, Hoseok was very nice about the encounter in the moment. He was gentle while setting you straight and took no offense to you asking him for a night rate.

The reason Hoseok was at the studio in the first place was because he’s amember of a prestigious dance company; something he informed you of beforehe made a crack about g-strings. 

Such is your relationship with Jung Hoseok.

Fast-forward to tonight, the night before Anna and Yoongi’s wedding,when there has been a mix-up with rooms. You were supposed to have a co-suitewith the bride and Hoseok should have been joined to Yoongi’s room as his bestman. Unfortunately, the hotel screwed up your reservations and all that’s availableis Anna and Yoongi’s honeymoon suite.

Pushing his suitcase against the wall, Hoseok turns around to face you. Rose petals are sprinkled all over the comforter, which Hoseok leansover to awkwardly sweep to the floor. 

“Y/N.” Hoseok turns serious. “It’s onlyone night. We’ll just share the bed. Or,” he says, arching a brow. “I can sleepon the floor if you want. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable.”

There’s a long moment of quiet while you look at him.Hoseok is dressed simply in a white button-down and black jeans. He’s paired these with crazy, bright-colored sneakers – Anna warned you Hoseok has a crazy fashion sense. She also though you two would hit it off,but you’ve always said no due to the reasons.

Aka, the stripper fiasco.

Tonight isn’t about the reasons, though. Tonight, you have no other option but to pay an exorbitant fee for the hotel nextdoor and you cannot afford to do that right now. Not with your barely-scraping-by salary and student loan debt. 

“Alright,” you sigh, lugging your suitcase forward. “We can share, whatever. It’s a King, right? You just keepto your side of the bed, and I’ll keep to mine.’

Nodding his head, Hoseok agrees. Sighing loudly, he collapses ontop of the bed, rolling around to irreparably rumple the sheets. 

“Ugh,” hesays, burying his face in the pillows. “Good thing you said yes, Y/N, becausethis bed is amazing. What is this – silk?”

After eyeing him for a moment, Hoseok’s pert bottom in the air, you decided to give in and gingerly lower yourself to the mattress. Your previous reticence lasts only a moment before you exhale, star-fishing beside him. 

“Oh,” you sigh, closing your eyes. “You’re100% right. This is the best.”

Hoseok laughs, the sound muffled from his pillow.“See?” he teases, turning his head. “I told you this would be fine.”

Arching a brow, you open your eyes to see him. “Okay, fine. Thisis pretty nice.”

A slow, lazy grin spreads over his face. “As nice asRicardo?”

“Oh my god.” 

You swiftly squeeze your eyes shut.

Hoseok cracks up, the bed shaking with laughter as youcan’t help but scowl. 

“I’m sorry!” Hoseok says, attemptingto stop. “Really, I am! I mean, kind of. I know I’m a poor substitute for your usual companion.”

“Why do you do that?” Opening your eyes, you flip sideways to face him. “Why are you always such a dick about how we met? Yes, I was meeting a male stripper. Lots of bachelorette parties have them! Why do you keep making this so… difficult?” 

Hoseok falls silent during your outburst, his eyes a bit wide when he sees your annoyance. Slowly, he pushes himself up on an elbow. 

“I…” He falters. “Shit, I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t realize my teasing upset you.”

Jaw tight, you search for an adequate response. It isn’t just that, although you can’t put a finger on what, exactly, it is. 

“I – I’mnot upset,” you say, then shake your head. “Maybe I am. I don’t know. I’mconfused.”

At this, Hoseok smiles faintly. “Oh,” he says, only to pause. “I getthat. You see, I… Ah, fuck. No, I shouldn’t tell you that.”

Your curiosity grows as you twist on the bed. Curling both legsbeneath you, you arch a brow. 

“What shouldn’t you tell me?” you ask, your voice oddly breathy.

Hoseok stares at you. “I just – okay. When wefirst met…” He trails off, glancing up at the ceiling. “I almost said yes… when you asked if I was the stripper.” When Hoseok looks at you, there’s no trace of a smile, which makes his next words all the more devastating.“It sounded… intriguing to me, if you were the buyer.”

The moment he speaks, heat surges through you. A dark pool of needbegins to curl between your thighs and you become all too aware of your breathing. Each inch of your skin feels electric and shit, you can seeit all in your mind. Hoseok slowly peeling off each piece of his clothing,keeping his gaze steady while lowering his knee to the bed and –

Shaking your head, you pull back from the image. “I – what?”you squeak, trying to regain control.

“See?” Hoseok gives a shaky laugh. “It’s embarrassing,right? This puts us on even footing, though. You thought I was a stripper and hey, I kindof wanted to strip for you.”

Despite his attempt to put things at ease, you can tellHoseok is more affected than he lets on. His pupils are dark, blown out and youfind yourself equally thrown. Rather than lessen the tension between you, it seems to have skyrocketed – and now you realize why Hoseok’s teasing bothers you so much. You like him. 

And now you’re alone with him in the honeymoon suite, being forced toshare the same bed tonight. Without thinking about it, your tongue darts out to wet yourlower lip. 

Hoseok zeroes in on the motion. “Y/N…” he murmurs, his voice heavy.

Your gaze slowly lifts. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you’re inching forward. Closing the distance between you, your hands reach for his body. Hoseok’s fists in your hair as your mouths slot together, lips slanting messily against yours. 

With a grunt, he wedges his knee between yours as your chests touch. You groan, hands sliding down, searching the broad panes of his front. You feel lean, cordedmuscle beneath your fingers and sigh, pulling anxiously on the hem ofhis shirt to un-tuck from his jeans.

Hoseok is equally insistent, stroking your cheek with his thumbas his tongue enters your mouth. “I haven’t,” he breathes, rutting againstyou. “Been able… to stop… thinking… about this.”

“Me neither,” you confess, pressed to his lips. 

You should slowdown; you need to slow down and savor each second of this. Grabbing his hips, you kiss Hoseok deeper.

Hoseok responds, slipping a hand to your neck as he molds himself to you. His hips roll against yours, letting you feel howcompetent, how capable he is. Your legs are like jelly, holding him close and his kisses turn insistent. It makes you restless,wanting more. Wanting him and you pull back, intending to say this when –

RIIING. RIIING.

The shrill sound of the room’s telephone cuts through the silence,forcing you and Hoseok to still on the bed. Your breathing is heavy, fingersdigging into each other but the phone rings again and you curse, twistingaround to grab for the device.

“Hello?” you breathe, pressing it to your ear.

“Y/N?” Anna sounds slightly hysterical. “Where are you?”

Behind you, Hoseok groans as he slowly rolls on his back. Softly,he murmurs, “fuck,” beneath his breath. The word precisely echoes your sentimentsabout the moment.

“In the honeymoon suite,” you say, drawing your legs underneathyou as you sit up. Your panties are damp as they stick to your thighs. Adjusting your shirt, you realize your hairis a mess. “Remember? I said I was going to put mysuitcase away.”

“Oh,” she says, calming a little. “Right, right. Listen,Y/N – I’m so sorry about the mix-up. I know you hate Hoseok, but it’s just for one night, right?”

Wincing, you stand from the bed and hope Hoseok didn’t hear. In the mirror, you spot him re-tucking his shirt in his pants. When he does stand, there’s an obvious erection concealed by his jeans. Fuck.The sight makes you weak enough to glance up at the ceiling.

“Yeah, it’s fine Anna,” you say, coaching your breathingto normal. “Don’t worry about it, honestly. This isn’t about me, or Hoseok.Just keep thinking about Yoongi, okay? I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay,” she says, sounding more relaxed than when you answered. “Okay,that sounds good. I’ll see you soon!”

When you do hang up, you stare at the receiver a moment while deciding what to do. Pointedly, Hoseok clears his throat to the side. 

Turning around, you find him looking. His hair is messy where your fingers ran through itand fuck, do you find yourself wanting to kiss him again.

You swallow, realizing this is dangerous territory. Youneed to be on your best game this weekend; you need to be thinking about Anna andher happiness, not how fucking hot Hoseok would look with his pants unbuttonedand down by his ankles. You need to leave – now. 

Making a sudden decision, you nod.  “Well. See you at the rehearsal dinner!” you blurt, turningaround to high-tail it towards the door.

Hoseok seems stunned, saying nothing to you as you leave. When the door shuts between you, there is a second muffled, “fuck,” from Hoseok in a one-hour period. 

Echoing his sentiments, youstand outside for a moment before you recover enough tostart towards the lobby.

Fuck, indeed.

[ drabble game is closed ]

[thesummerstorms]

For the characters HCs Darman? He's so precious and we need *more*

Link the meme here. Accepting, but if you send me the whole meme as opposed to specifics it might take a bit. Thank you to anon for the ask.

clothing style.

Dar dresses pretty simply even after he leaves the army. Bright cheery shades of color -anything but red or maybe orange- and well fitting, but comfy. Probably starts wearing dad cardigans very early on. Lots of space!hoodies, which Etain steals. Comfy, practical, cheery. Likes to roll up the sleeves of things to his upper forearm because Etain notices ™ and also keeping the fabric out of the way of whatever he’s working on. That said, he spends as much time in armor as civvies.

before - bed routine.

In barracks, his routine is exceedingly simple. Dar is one of those people who dozes off easy, so he more or less wraps up whatever he’s doing,  figures out the best way to secure the door or react to it opening, washes his face and brushes his teeth and is out. Never trust that you’ll actually get all 8 hours of sleep you’ve been promised.

Out of barracks, it’s a little bit more indulgent. If they have the water/aren’t rationing, Dar likes a second hot shower before he goes to sleep. Checks on the little ones, small snack or maybe hot chocolate, brush teeth. If he’s at home with Etain or they’re deployed to the same place, the he typically has to go retrieve her and coax her into bedtime - he can and sometimes does fall asleep while she’s still working but drastically prefers the bed with her in it even more so with her in his arms or holding him- maybe listen to Etain read or flip through a holozine for the roughly 10 minutes it takes him to pass out. (Etain frequently is taking things out of his hands after he falls asleep.)

In the Rhedian/Etain/Dar verse he has to track them both down, probably, and then they negotiate who gets to be the middle and who gets to be the edge. Darman can only sleep facing the door while laying on his side, so if he’s on the outer edge of the bed, he’s the little spoon and whoever curls up behind him has their arm on his hip, and if he’s in the middle or outer edge he’s big spooning

eating habits

Darman eats a lot. While he’s in GAR he eats big meals and eats them quickly, and it takes a few years after getting out to change the habit in any significant way, but left to his own devices in peace time he’d be a grazer. He doesn’t have strong preferences, taste-wise, but he loves novelty of food choices, even when his wife and kids are slightly intimidated.

As it is, he snacks a lot and is completely unabashed at eating things off of Etain or a brother’s plate. He makes up for it by becoming an excellent cook and spoiling his loved ones with their favorites. Absolutely steals all of the sweets Etain isn’t overly attached to, but makes up for it by offering her a lot of his fruit. Always drinks from her caf cup. When he gets the cure and his metabolism slows down a bit, it takes getting used to.

concept of home and family

He’s got a very, very Mandalorian view of family. Home is where his brothers and Etain and the kids are not only around him but safe and comfortable. Family isn’t blood- it’s the people who he can rely on to have his back no matter what who have chosen to show him love and trust and earn it in return. It’s a chosen obligation and support network.

hobbies.

Cooking, working out, sparring, casual team and pairs sports (though it’s as much about the challenge/social interaction as him actually giving a shit about sports), reading general-interest just casually informative holozines (like, space!Time or NatGeo) , watching the odd romantic holo, playing with his kids,  word puzzles

fighting style.

listen, I do not know enough about SW weaponry /combat or even real life weaponry and combat to answer this question thoroughly. I do think he looks into at least the basics of Teras-Kasi once Sith start showing up looking for his kids.

what calms your muse down after a bad day?

It depends on the kind of bad day. If he’s feeling drained, sometimes a hot shower, a cup of hot chocolate, sitting with Etain as she meditates, his legs bracketing hers and letting her deep breathing set the pace or else just outright cuddling.

But  if he’s restless or overloaded or angry he kicks everyone else out of the kitchen so he can be alone and takes it out on the vegetables until a particularly difficult technique or recipe distracts him and pulls him out of his head a bit. Occasionally he goes back to his roots and works on some stripped down demolitions projects at the nearest work bench. Working out alone doesn’t help in that kind of mood because he’s still in his own thoughts, but if he’s up to being around other people, sparring or some sort of high-intensity pairs game (slingball, etc) does. 

(Depending on her own mood/the reason for the upset Etain sometimes starts out sparring with him but is amenable to shifting to other distractions, too. Sometimes they skip straight to the pinning down if she notices he needs to burn tension and who ever starts off gets the go ahead.)

ways your muse says i love you.

his love language is in nurturing and gift-giving. he’s highly sensitive to small changes in his loved ones demeanor and part of his way of showing them he loves them is immediately trying to give or do something to make them feel better. have they eaten? do they need painkillers?  what’s small thing he can do or give to fix it?

alternatively if it’s less of a “need immediate support” situation he’s still trying to figure out what small thing he can give to show his affection: a stolen gift for Etain, sharing a food he’s fond of, double checking Rhedian’s kit for her without asking, or something he’s made for them in particular “I thought of you, and I want you to be content”.

describe your muse’s laugh.

softer than you’d think, but Dar has a terrible time forcing laughter, so if you hear it it’s warm and genuine or angry/bitter AF and which ever emotion it is feels readily apparent.

what items can be found in your muse’s pockets

assuming we’re just talking civvie pockets and not his gear belt then the star wars equivalent of a swiss army knife, credits, a false identchip (he swaps out which one), spare blank datachip, comlink/holoprojector combo, hard candies that are less prone to melting or some sort of snack, his wedding ring if he’s working on something dirty or delicate, sometimes little handwritten notes Etain has left him on flimsiplast, a stylus and a all-materials marker of some sort 

talk about your muse’s most prized possession(s)

Dar really doesn’t get too hung up on possessions. His wedding ring is highly sentimental but if push comes to shove can be replaced. The only thing he couldn’t easily abandon would be the very few holos he has of his first squad (which, like, SW has the Cloud, right?), a few surviving love letters of Etain’s, and maybe when he’s older and his brothers start dying some of their armor plates.

describe your muse’s walk

He always tends to walk like he’s wearing Katarn armor even if he isn’t: chest forward, long strides, walking with intent and clearing civvies easily out of his way. He does fuck up a knee as an older man, but unlike Kal, no one has to beg him to go to treatment and it only bothers him if he’s been extremely rough on it or he’s run down in general.

talk about your muse’s accent.

A weird, hard to place amalgam unless you know that he’s a clone commando. Part basic non-distinct Core World Broadcast Pronunciation from lots of flash training as a young child, the slightest edge of Kuat and of Keldabe from learning from Kal Skirata, eventual hard edge to his Mando’a that’s unique to the Neshurok district on Nar Shadda. People tend to be surprised he doesn’t sound Concordian, but he didn’t have enough exposure to Fett for that.

describe your muse’s smile

wide, artless, not the “crooked and charming” type so much as genuinely expansive

how often does your muse get sick?

Not too often- he has a good immune system, special genetic modification, and more vaccinations than any reasonable being could keep track of. That said, it’s impossible to avoid getting sick forever with kids.

does your muse know when to rest, or do they push themselves?

Dar’s a lot better at giving himself physical rest (training to make the best use of his efforts and preserve his ability to keep going kicking in) than mental rest in a daily context, though he absolutely has overdone it on missions (conditioning that you are less than your objective and replaceable is a bitch.)

does your muse snore? sleeptalk? sleepwalk?

He snores. Etain says terribly, he says he’s not as bad as any of the rest of Omega, which may or may not be true.

the thing(s) your muse thinks about before falling asleep.

depends on the night. anything from galactic politics to memory of his first squad to the annoying squeak from the air vent that needs looking at to the breathlessness edge of Etain’s voice or her touch before they finally settled down

is your muse a fitful or a quiet sleeper?

Darman has nightmares that wake him up and leave him upset, but unless you’re a Jedi it can be hard to tell because he doesn’t move around very much in his sleep until he wakes up full of adrenaline and gasping. On a normal night, he’s a pretty quiet sleeper and most of his movement comes from adjusting to Etain, who absolutely is restless. That said, he’s fairly easy to wake.

your muse’s thoughts on cops and other authority figures

Cops are initially sorted into the Jaller Obrim schema of tentative friendship/support, but that falls by the wayside pretty quickly when he’s a fugitive from the galactic regime. 

He’s respectful of authority figures in theory and knows how to follow a chain of command, clone-officers being easily followed, but his experiences with Jedi Generals who didn’t know what they were doing, outright malevolent Imperial Army officials, the constant threat of death from the Kaminoans, Kal’s subtle manipulations, etc all mean he keeps a weary eye on them until they prove otherwise.

He doesn’t strive to be an iconoclast, but he’s inherently aware of the danger authority figures pose to his survival and those he loves.

skills and special talents.

cooking, singing, hand to hand, demolitions, shooting, chemistry, covert ops, battlefield first aid, good listener, decent at sketches though he doesn’t pursue it

disabilities or illnesses. 

Darman has very clear PTSD plus possibly some other comorbid mental health conditions. He does have old battle injuries that bother him somewhat as he gets older, including one knee, but nothing that’s immediately physically obvious or debilitating espc since he gets appropriate medical care.

habits and mannerisms.

lots of soft humming or mouthing a song he will never sing alone in front of strangers, deceptively calm expression even when he’s ruminating, going over his gear and equipment for the fifth time as a comfort thing

introvert or extrovert.

Ambivert.

religious or non - religious

Ambivalent- He’s married to a Jedi and the father of multiple Force-using kids, so he can’t exactly deny the whole Force-thing, but he doesn’t philosophize it the way Etain inherently does.

As for te kara’se… again, ambivalence. When Etain start taking to a… worship isn’t precisely right, but neither is relationship with Tarre Vizsla and Ranah teh Naast, he listens and doesn’t disapprove, but also doesn’t necessarily disagree. If he speaks to the Mand’alore of old, if he sometimes asks for advice, when his brothers have gone quiet too long or his wife’s blood is spotting his armor or his children are crying in fear… he doesn’t know whether or not he expects them to listen.The asking is still worth something, though. He’s likely to ask his brothers in the manda too, as much as anything else.

something your muse could never forgive.

injuries to his loved one, especially life-threatening or shattering ones, especially purposeful neglect or abuse or the cheap spending of their life. It’s easier to forgive his own blood spilt than that of his heart.

something that makes your muse smile.

naps in the sunshine, his kids being goofballs or learning something new. a brother earning some new happiness, the little looks Etain gives him when they talk without talking, the pleasure of a new taste or mastering a new skill, someone running his fingers through his hair or holding his hand

something that scares your muse.

the constant risk to his wife and children, and once the Mandalorian “Great Purge” starts to his entire family. the possibility of somehow letting down or disappointing or becoming estranged from a brother. Kaminoans, for years. his own anger, sometimes.

something that gives your muse hope.

Koa and Kad and Scout sitting around the family table solving a problem together, Koa with her aruetii science degree in one hand and a musical instrument in the other, Kad holding baby Etta (Dar’s granddaughter) tightly to his chest with a look of wonder on his face, Etta and Sivvar (Kad’s husband) laughing as they paint a mural on a bare expanse of wall, Etain wrapping a niece or nephew in her cloak as she holds them and smiling quietly back over her shoulder at him, Fi with a baby strapped to his chest, Atin and Laseema curled quietly together in an oversized arm chair, the first time he sees excitement in Niner’s face after the war

how your muse responds to being helped / taken care of.

He’s not used to in originally. With strangers he’s excessively polite, but with someone he actually loves and trusts, he gets incredibly soft- lots of little touches to their hands/arms (or face/neck if romantic or as platonically close as Omega) and his shoulders just kind of unspool tension

how your muse responds to unconditional love.

Similar to the above, but Dar’s loyalty runs deep, and he’s a romantic and a family-oriented person, so it tends to inspire devotion

how your muse responds to danger

To himself, a reasonable amount of stress or anger, but mostly his instincts kick in until later when he potentially has the ability to process how fucked the situation was. he becomes very decisive under pressure but he isn’t taught how to handle it after until he’s been fighting for years.

how your muse responds to stress. // how your muse responds to anger.

He tries to hide a lot of it to avoid being a burden, and it’s way more successful than you’d think. He doesn’t start developing explicit coping skills until after the war and his break down, although he does talk to Omega and Etain about it, alternating between showing them his soul in an expression of trust and hiding things so as not to trouble them.

With anger his protective anger is the easiest to glimpse at first, but eventually it comes out in other situations- normally the thought of being lied to or deceived or used. With all of the above, he gets cold and harsh until it tips too far. Less yelling than quiet anger.

 He’s not by nature inherently violent, but between his training and untreated PTSD, there are episodes where he feels as if he loses control of himself entirely and retreats to the violence he was taught would keep him alive. Part of his recovery is learning to stop things before they get there and recognize his own threat response.

With stress, see the above about bad days. also probably some explicitly PTSD related coping strategies but I’ll admit I haven’t researched that

did your muse grow up too fast?

Absolutely. Dar may have been socially naive on his first deployment, but he didn’t have a childhood, he had a product development phase haunted by the threat of Kaminoan culling.

[magioftheseas]

Potency of Memory

Summary: In which the NWP Trio discuss a few things.

Rating: G for General

Warnings: Mentions of memory alteration. Cursing. Nothing else.

Notes: So this is actually more of a “bonus scene” connected to the protag matsun au I concocted but you don’t need any familiarity with that to understand this. It’s just the NWP Trio talking about the NWP. I guess it’s a ‘prologue’ type scene and I did write it first but it just felt weirdly jarring so I took it out of the story proper. I still like what I wrote though so here it is because the NWP is super underrated and they + Usami all deserve more fics. I definitely want to write more of them.

Read this fic among others (eventually) HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

“In many ways, you could say that your memory is foundational in your sense of self. Those you meet and remember, your experiences, the information you retain, familiarities, that which ties together past and present, and that which also can provide a framework for the future you may pursue... All of these depend on your collective memory. It’s a powerful thing—but it’s also quite fragile, as well.” A pause, and he rests his cheek against his palm. “To play with a person’s memories, to be able to control and mold them, to adjust and cut out what you see fit—I wonder if that’s akin to playing God.”

Well. I say all that... But it doesn’t really matter, does it? I’ll still continue this path, regardless of what I have to do.

There’s no answer. Gekkogahara is typing away, silent and stoic as always. He’s only really talking to fill up space because this kind of silence is a bit suffocating. He sucks in his breath, gaze up on a blank, unassuming, observing ceiling.

“...Fhhhhh...”

He checks the machine, its whirling and erratic beeping. He must have configured something like this countless times by now, with the help of other scientists. He’s at the point where he understands the tech rather well, almost well enough to pursue a talent in the field.

If we can truly remove memories the way we would with unwanted data, we can store and restore them the way we would with important data as well. That’s more my goal. The ability to store and restore memories—I can finally achieve what those worthless fucks back then failed to do. I’ve already come so far. Just a little bit further. Even if I can’t bring that person back, I can make damn sure no one ever goes through what she did. And with ease.

“I-I’m here!”

Fujisaki stumbles in, clutching their laptop bag as they did. They’re doubled over and panting, and Matsuda regards them coolly.

“I, I’m so sorry,” they stammer meekly. “I was held up in, um, something... I’m so, so sorry...”

“Have you been putting the finishing touches on that AI of yours?” Matsuda asks.

“O-Oh yes! Alter Ego should be in a state where they can assist with the program... I’ve also been working on the data for an observational AI, but I haven’t decided their appearance yet...” Fujisaki hesitates. “I-I’m sorry, I tried to read up on sensei and senpai’s studies and research... But I didn’t really understand any of that at all...”

“And why would you be expected to?” Matsuda asks. “You were asked to assist on the technological front, not the medical. You probably wouldn’t be equipped to understand research that’s come from years and years of studying anyway. The brain can’t go from zero to a hundred like that.”

Fujisaki flinched, grip on their bag’s strap tightening.

“A-Aha... Right...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Matsuda said, gaze averting even as his tone remained flat as ever. “Just focus on what you’re capable of and leave the shit you’re not sure about to the other experts. You wouldn’t be here if what you had to offer wasn’t still really valuable, ya know.”

“R... Right!” Fujisaki seemed to perk up at that, taking their seat at the desk set up for them. They take out their laptop, plugging it in and humming as they turned it out. “Thank you, senpai.”

“For what, exactly?”

“I-It’s just... You’re actually a lot kinder than people say...”

“...no I’m really not.” Matsuda waved his hand. “It’s just being matter-of-fact. I wasn’t saying any of that to be nice, Fujisaki.”

“S-Still...!”

“You really should give yourself more credit, Matsuda-kun!”

Matsuda nearly jumped at the sudden voice, so sugary sweet that it was damn near sickening. There was no doubting who it was, and he grimaced.

“Sensei,” he grumbled. “Don’t fucking scare us like that.”

“I-I wasn’t really scared,” Fujisaki said softly. “I could see that Usami was active for a while.”

Matsuda fumed at that.

“Still... You really should indicate that you’re joining the conversation before jumping in...”

Gekkogahara did glance at him, and she waved at him. Matsuda’s expression only soured more.

“It’s too late to do that now.”

Gekkogahara signed an apology, but Matsuda hardly felt any remorse from her stoic face. Still, he turned away and she resumed typing. He was more irritated by Usami on his screen making sad pitiful faces at him.

“I need to work too,” he hissed, swiping at the screen to shoo her away. “Just because I’m not a tech wizard like Fujisaki doesn’t mean I’m no use at all.”

“You’re a great help, Matsuda-senpai,” Fujisaki chirps helpfully.

“A great big, SUPER help!” Usami exclaims, to Matsuda’s growing annoyance. “So hard-working! So diligent! We’re so happy to have you here! Love, love...!”

Without another word, Matsuda swiped her away once more.

“S-So cold...!” she sobbed.

“This isn’t like a group project,” he says. “It’s not the place for sentimentality or frivolities, either.”

“You’re still only in high school, Matsuda-kun...” Usami pointed out meekly as he got to work, implementing more of his research into the data. “You’re so serious. Too serious for your age, I think.”

“Sorry, I skipped the youthful years like I did grades,” Matsuda replied coolly. “But this really isn’t something we can afford to take lightly, you know. The steering committee is going to expect results, and testing it is going to be difficult considering it’s too complex for lab rats.”

“I-I can test the simulation portion!” Fujisaki spoke up, squeaking a bit. “If, um, anything happens, you can take care of it, Matsuda-senpai... I believe in you...”

“Don’t say something so fucking ominous. Yeesh. That’s bad luck.”

“O-Oh... Sorry...”

“I believe in both of you!” Usami exclaimed ever so helpfully. “You’ll both do just fine! Just have hope! Love, love!”

“Sensei, are you sure this AI is alright?” Matsuda asked. “If I had to spend several days with this thing I think I’d be traumatized in a different way. Counterproductive.”

“Shock! D-Do you really think so, Matsuda-kun?!”

“No, but you really are so annoying that I doubt your therapeutic abilities.” Matsuda shooed her off his screen again. “Oi, oi, why the hell are you bothering me so much anyway?”

“Usami helped me out,” Fujisaki murmured. “I think she can help you too, Matsuda-kun... I-If you want her to, of course...”

“Pass.” Matsuda waved his hand. “I have no need for this kind of thing. In fact, I think I’d rather die than have my memories erased. If I do get my memories erased, it’d be safe to say the world ended or something.”

“Senpai...”

“Matsuda-kun... T-That’s a little...”

“It’s just how I feel,” Matsuda said. “All that said...”

I can’t say I don’t fear this technology at least a little... But I have to keep looking forward, even if I have to forcibly discard and distort the past to do so. All that matters is achieving that future. Hope, despair, what the hell ever.

Whatever it took.

[vmheadquarters]

Twelve years ago today, UPN (RIP!) premiered a cult-classic neo-noir about murder, class warfare, sexual assault, and forbidden love. It was quippy and campy and smart as hell—and it just happened to center on a pint-sized blonde who looked like a cheerleader but thought like Sherlock Holmes. The show was Veronica Mars, and even if the last decade has muddled its legacy with a much-hyped but ultimately disappointing fan-funded follow-up film and, of course, the extremely meh third season, the high school years remain an unparalleled success. Veronica Mars seasons one and two were better than anything that had come before, far surpassed its competition in quality, and set a high bar for future shows that has only barely been met by a few episodes of television here and there. So give my regards to Friday Night Lights (a family show, not a teen show) and Degrassi (please), but Veronica Mars is the best teen show of all time*. 

1. Nuanced Class Conflict

Gossip Girl and The OC did it well, but Veronica Mars did it better. Even though Neptune, CA, is technically fictional, it's as real a place as has ever been portrayed on television. Its particular problems and reputation informed everything from law enforcement (the question of whether or not to incorporate the town into a city and make the sheriff's office into a police department) to the biker gangs riding through on their way up and down the PCH. The levels of privilege/lack thereof were so nuanced and specific. Other shows divide people into the Haves and the Have Nots; on Veronica Mars, everyone has something a little different. At the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder is Weevil, whose background is not only impoverished but criminal; the only community he can "afford" is a gang (though his crew isn't all bad—you'll find nary a broad stroke or generalization in the world of Veronica Mars). In the center of things are Veronica and Keith, who lived comfortably when Keith was sheriff, but have buckled their belts since he became a private eye. On the one hand, they own a small business! On the other, they live in a pretty crap apartment complex and have nowhere near enough saved to send Veronica to college. Then there's the nouveau-riche Echolls', who have all the glamorous trappings of wealth (cars, booze, mansion) and pretty much none of the cultural capital. At the top of the heap are the Kanes; while the Echolls' have enough money to "get away" with murder, the Kanes have enough money to get away with it, cover it up, frame someone else for it, and get the sheriff fired for looking into it. Money problems are basically the least-juicy of TV plots, but by using wealth disparity as a way to develop the characters, essentially building it into the DNA of the show, Veronica Mars created a TV universe just as interesting and complicated as that of Friday Night Lights or Parks and Recreation.

2. Lianne Mars

A girl with a missing mom is a fairy tale trope as old as time, rooted in a deification-of-the-female version of misogyny that I don't have time to get into right now. Suffice it to say, a dead or absentee mother is usually a sign of lazy writing. It's a way to reduce the character count and set a heroine adrift while, not coincidentally, making it so the (usually male) writer doesn't have to think of what a grown woman would think or talk or act like. At first, this is the fate of Veronica's mother, Lianne Mars. She was just conveniently...gone, another casualty of the fallout from the Lilly Kane murder investigation. Her absence lets Veronica be angsty and ill-supervised even as Keith Mars entered the canon of Bestest TV Dads of All Time (which he is! Love Keith forever and ever). But then she came back, with baggage, and the trope was, if not redeemed, at least put to good use. Lianne is an alcoholic who couldn't deal with the disappointing turns life took, and she finally cracked when her husband ran directly into conflict with her lost love Jake Kane, for whom she still pined. Even when she decides she wants to be a mom again, she can't quit being an alcoholic. And as heartbreaking as it is to watch Veronica play the parent, it's also a moment of growth. Veronica realizes—or rather, decides—that she isn't doomed to repeat her mother's mistakes. She is a stronger, better person than Lianne. A person big enough to love her flawed mother, even strong enough to forgive her. In the third episode, Veronica says, "The hero is the one that stays, and the villain is the one that splits." By the end of the series, Veronica has learned what true villainy looks like, and it ain't her mom. Showrunners, take note: This is how you do a realistic redemption story.

3. The Guest Stars and Bit Players

The casting department at Veronica Mars did flawless work. Obviously, the core cast is great, but the semi-regulars and guests are also amazing. There's an entire season devoted to Steve fucking Guttenberg. Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin play the negaverse versions of themselves. Ryan Hansen and Ken Marino do their Ryan Hansen/Ken Marino Shtick, and why shouldn't they? Max Greenfield (a.k.a. Schmidt on New Girl) and Tessa Thompson (from Dear White People and Creed) both had recurring roles long before they were famous, and even Tina Majorino (Mac) and Michael Muhney (Lamb), who didn't really "break out" in a major way after the show, are perfect in their roles. The second (SECOND) IMDb credit for one Jessica Chastain is an episode of Veronica Mars, and of course, Leighton Meester appears in two episodes. Yes, there are other teen shows that feature young actors who went on to bigger, better things, but I maintain that Veronica Mars is notable for encouraging real actors to do real work.

4. The Mysteries Were Smart AF

The show trusted its audience to keep up and pay attention. Maybe even a little too much. In the era before binge-watching and old episodes being able on demand, Veronica Mars suffered from the same issue that plagues the first few seasons of The X Files: Viewers who weren't "caught up" on the season-long mystery arc found it difficult to get into. VM had low ratings throughout its run, and when it used the shift from high school to college to introduce shorter, quicker mysteries, well, we all know how season three went. But looking back, it's clear that the show was ahead of its time, telling smart, twist-y weekly stories while teasing out a longer mystery that deeply impacted the main characters' lives. (Can't you just imagine how they'd advertise the show now? Moody teaser trailers with the tag line "Who Killed Lilly Kane?" and fansites and podcasts devoted to all the clues and hints and easter eggs from every episode?) There are other teen mystery/crime-fighter shows, sure, but they tend to put their characters in immediate peril, which makes the audience ask, "What's going to happen?" Instead, Veronica Mars is an intellectual exercise, evidence and theory based, and the question becomes, "What has already happened, and what does it mean?" That's the kind of meaty writing that inspires, if not legions of fans, a loyal audience to sing its praises. Veronica Mars was so smart it was niche. I'm not making a case for VM as overlooked prestige television, but then again I totally am. WHY didn't it win any Emmys?

5. They Didn't Explain Every Little Thing

See: above "trusting the audience smartness" factor. They didn't explain why sleeping with a "consenting" teenager is still wrong, or why Logan and Veronica went from adversaries to lovers in the space of like, a week, or why money equals power. They got that the audience got it. So, the exact opposite of a show like, say, Secret Life of the American Teenager. There were episodes that touched on privilege and entitlement and infidelity and the abuse of power by law enforcement, but it was subtle and real instead of, you know...Degrassi.

6. The Humor

It wasn't dark and humorous, it was darkly humorous and humorously dark. (Think combining the creepy weirdness of Twin Peaks with the banter of Moonlighting.) Logan's poignant answering machine messages, Veronica's epic takedowns, even Lamb got to be withering and snarky while he systematically fucked over the whole town.The humor kept us invested even when stories dipped into sentimental, Dawson's Creek-esque territory and deflected the romance-y moments that might have turned it into a mystery-style Felicity. Veronica's and Logan's jokes, in particular, also serve a psychological purpose: mask their pain at any cost. Unlike in Gilmore Girls, where every character speaks like a hyper-intelligent stand-up comic and not at all like a teenager or real human being, Veronica and the residents of Neptune make comments that feel true to their characters and relevant to their circumstances. If you watched any episode of Scream Queens and thought, "I guess they're trying to imitate...Scream? Heathers? Clueless? With the smart/bitchy blondes and the snappy comebacks and the eye rolls?" I understand. But actually, they were trying (and failing. Hard.) to do Veronica Mars. Smart sassy cute mean heart of gold flirty clever repartee? Yeah, that's Veronica Mars, and Ryan Murphy, bless his soul, is not Rob Thomas.

7. The Rape Plot(s)

From the very first episode when, in a flashback, golden-haired, white dress-clad Veronica walks, almost in a stupor (have you ever seen a more "perfect" victim?) into the sheriff's office to tell Lamb that she was raped—because she is a good girl and good girls go to the authorities—only to have him, basically, shrug it off, rape and sexual assault were core themes of the show, central to its purpose and story engine. Creator Rob Thomas initially envisioned the story as a YA novel with a male protagonist, and changing the lead's gender to female is arguably the best and most important decision he ever made. Veronica's sexuality is everything. How she flirts her way out of scrapes, plays innocent when it can help her, distrusts it when she's attracted to the "wrong" person, is allowed to enjoy it with Logan and, of course, how her virginity was taken from her one night she can't quite remember. The show takes Veronica's rape seriously as not just a plot point or easy motivation, but as a defining part of her character. She cleans obsessively and looks over her shoulder. She's sensitive to the potential aggressors—and victims—at her school. She knows that her rapist was someone she knew, and she has to live with that mystery every day. But it's complicated. That night she can't remember might have been semi-consensual, but then we learn, no it wasn't. Yes, there's a story about a false rape accusation (against Adam Scott!), but the truth only makes the situation murkier. And in an unfortunately rare move, Veronica Mars also depicts the aftermath of the sexual abuse of boys, including an exploration of how the stigma against male assault survivors re-traumatizes them. (The third season is, in my opinion, a missed opportunity to tackle the campus rape epidemic. By blaming the rapes on a psychological experiment gone awry, the show unfortunately ignores the fact that toxic masculinity isn't a role-playing aberration but a pervasive national issue. But its heart is in the right place, if not its logic.)

8. Veronica

Choker-wearing, dog-owning, private-detectiving blonde badass Veronica Mars. She's most often compared to Buffy, that other crime-fighting cutie with a ragtag army of friends and a ne'er do well love interest, and the comparison is apt. Both possess skills their peers do not and use those skills to solve problems both thrust upon them and sought. But the difference is that in the space that Buffy uses to explore the supernatural, Veronica Mars plays with loyalty and ethics. Is it wrong to snitch on your friends? Is a rumor evidence? Can you break the law to serve a higher good? These are issues Buffy doesn't wrestle with; it's pretty much a given that evil vampires are worth defeating (yes, there are definitely instances when Buffy is tested because she's fallen for a vamp or one of her friends is possessed or whatever, but that's not like, the thing of the show). And while so many other "outsider/observer/new kid" teen show protagonists (Ryan, Dan, Dawson, Lindsay Weir) long to get "in," Veronica's been there. She's been popular, and (a little) wealthy. She's not exploring a new world, she's re-learning her old one. In that she has more in common with Angela Chase, but way less whiny. You watch My So-Called Life and think, I'm totally Angela. You watch VMand think, I wish I were Veronica. When people talk about the strong but vulnerable but smart but flawed but cool but real but beautiful but relatable but empowered but conflicted but modern but iconic but a good role model but not unattainable with a job not defined by that job "interesting" female characters on television, a few names tend to come up again and again: Carrie, Murphy, Ally, Roseanne, Olivia, Dana. To that (very white!) pantheon I humbly submit: Veronica.

*....except for Freaks and Geeks.

[bbybaphomet]

COLA | cory.

If there has been one thing to stand out about Cory Osada, best known by the moniker Cola, it’s his tenacity. From the beginning of his roller-coaster career, Cola has met controversy, hate and hyperscrutiny largely with witty retorts and a self-assured insistence on keeping forward. Cola has grown up in the public eye, evolved from a precocious teenager mumble-rapping love songs in his bedroom to an international pop star, with over a hundred song-writing credits to his name and a kingdom of his own in form of Chapel Records, a label collecting the misfits of the Korean pop industry and giving them their deserved platforms. Many love Cola, many hate him; but one can not imply he hasn’t put the work in- from his debut album in 2015, he’s put out a full-length record every year since- until 2020. 

“2019 was the best year of my life until it wasn’t.” Cola said in an interview earlier in the year. And it certainly did seem like everything had finally come up Cola. He Has been nominated for Best Male Soloist at MAMA 2019- his first ever nomination, and his pre-singles for his fifth full album were skyrocketing up the charts. The fifth record, ‘Richer Than God & Twice As Pretty,’ was all set to be his third in a row to score a number one on the charts- Until, almost immediately after it’s release, 10 out of 12 tracks eligible for single release were banned from radio and broadcast with no option for alteration- and for reasons largely considered vapid by fans and the general public alike. And unlike previous instances of controversy, Cola had no smirk for the cameras, no wink nor nudge. Cola’s TV appearances to promote the record were brief and his spirits appeared broken, and he publicly wrote a message online to state that he was on the verge of giving up completely. His angry performance at MAMA later in the year was only punctuated by his loss of the award. Cola looked, and would later describe feeling, like he had finally been defeated by the industry that seemed so against letting his hard work and undeniable talent be rewarded.  

And so, come July 2020, after dedicating the first half of the year to the star’s push into acting and directly following his performance of a bombastic 33-song setlist at Lost Land 9 times over three weekends, Cola has once more pushed against convention as he drops his sixth record and first ever mini-album, simply titled ‘cory.’

‘cory.’ contains five songs, including the track ‘La Vie En Rose’ which had been made available on streaming services ahead of his festival tenancy, and ‘So That’s Where Your Face Went,’ which was performed as untitled throughout his set list. However, despite the EP dropping in the wake of the most public dark patch in the young singer’s career, ‘cory.’ carries a largely hopeful overtone; ‘I Got Hope (Cause Yesterday Is All Over)’ dares to look at the future as it celebrates what is perhaps Cola’s biggest personal strength- his ability to stand up, dust himself off, and keep going. 

Cola will not be promoting ‘cory.’, and no single from it have been sent to radio. “I wrote it for myself,” said Cola. “Because I needed to remember that this entire career I have started cause I just love to write music. It’s really, really fun. And it’s gotten me through a lot tougher things than what I’m going through right now. And I wasn’t going to put this record out, cause it was just... therapy? But performing at Lost Land, I saw kids in the crowd crying as they sang along to my songs. And I think, more than any award or number one single, that validated me. And then, I dunno. I guess I remembered who the fuck I am.” 

tracklist

i. La Vie en Rose ii. So That’s Where Your Face Went iii. Dreamlove iv. Waltz v. I Got Hope (Cause Yesterday Is All Over)

EXCLUSIVE: Cola gives a track-by-track explanation of cory.

LA VIE EN ROSE

La Vie En Rose was the first song I wrote out of the five on this EP, and I knew straight away that it had to be the sort of... intro to the record? I’ve recently had a huge episode of poor mental health, and that was worsened by both the way that my last record, Richer Than God, was... kind of sabotaged by people with more power than me. But on top of that, I also saw the end of my first real serious relationship. The negative side of experiencing the type of, like... intense, meaningful, love- the kind of love where you’re like “Okay, I thought I had but I’ve definitely never been in love before this” is when it all comes to an end, and then you have to realise “okay, I thought I had but I’ve definitely never fucking had my heart broken like this.” And so I was in a really dark place, where every day I’d wake up and before I opened my eyes, my first thought was that my heart was broken. And so I think I wrote La Vie En Rose in response to how low I was feeling, because it’s such a peaceful song. La Vie En Rose translates to The Life In Pink, which is a very Me phrase, but it’s also a saying similar to “looking through Rose-coloured glasses.” The lyrics reference that idiom, because I think above anything else, La Vie En Rose is a song about choosing to look on the bright side. It’s not as easy as just choosing to be happy, but wanting to recover is the only way you can start recovering. In the bridge, there’s a line about “crafting my new armour.” Ive grown up in the media, and so I definitely built up a tolerance to negativity. But for some reason, the Bans from last year really, really hurt me. They wounded my spirit, and for a while I was ready to just throw the towel in, especially as it sparked up all the old accusations of noise-marketing and doing things for shock value. It’s only been seven months. I needed some time to breathe and let myself feel what I was feeling and figure out how I deal with it this time.

SO THAT’S WHERE YOUR FACE WENT

This is a difficult one. So That’s Where Your Face Went just kind of happened, as a song. I think I came up with the melody of the hook in the car, and I just started singing “It’ll pass, chill. Stay alive, it kills.” This was the last song I wrote for the record, and it almost wasn’t going to be on it because I didn’t think I’d finish it in time. I think I was very influenced by the character I played in the drama True Beauty. I saw a lot of myself in that character, which is a really difficult thing to feel considering how his storyline ended. And so I think a lot of this song is complicated emotions. I’m definitely singing to myself up until the last little outro. But I think like... to sum it up, the song is strange and weird and I don’t really know how to explain it succinctly, but it’s ultimately about being in a shitty and scary situation and dealing with that in unhealthy ways.

DREAMLOVE

Dreamlove is definitely one of the sweetest melodies I’ve ever written. More than anything, it’s about the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. I’m not in a new relationship, and actually, I’m currently getting over a breakup of a long term one. But it’s more of a metaphor of where I’m at in life now. I think Richer Than God and everything that came from that, for better or worse, marked a turning point in my life for me. It’s been a really rough few months ever since, but I’m at at the start of a new chapter and I’m excited, which is why I wanted to write a honeymoon phase song. I had my first heartbreak but it’s healing now, and I’m pretty excited about the future. Even if things inevitably get hard again, I’m enjoying feeling hopeful.

WALTZ

Waltz is an escapism song. It’s kind of similar in sentiment to my song “Barbie Jeep Getaway.” It’s about just wanting to run away and separate myself from everything going on around me. I think I’ve been craving that more than ever. I promised myself a break after what happened with my last album, but then while I guess I gave myself a break from music, I totally worked the entire time. Waltz was kind of this... wish fulfilment that I could just run away and not look back for a while, because I don’t feel good enough and want to be relieved of that pressure, at least for a little while. “I just wanna waltz around it, then it never hurts” is kind of the attitude I’ve had to all the negativity I’ve had to face in my career. I haven’t really given myself a breathe to deal with it, and last year a straw broke the back on that camel. Laughing it all off and basing my image around how much I don’t care about what people think of me may make me look really cool, but it doesn’t do much for my mental health.

I GOT HOPE (CAUSE YESTERDAY IS ALL OVER)

I think the title of this song is pretty self-explanatory. I think that this song is the one that kind of best delivers the thesis of the album in the same way En Rose does. Which is why I knew as soon as I wrote it that it had to be the last song on the record. This EP is about a rough patch, and a broken heart and a sabotaged album that I poured my soul into, but it’s not negative because I think I started writing this as a means to cheer myself up. Performing at Lost Land the past weekend really showed me that no matter what, I do have worth as an artist. That’s what I was struggling with. I was considering never releasing another song again because I didn’t think there was space for me in this industry anymore, and when all those songs from Richer Than God were banned, I felt like I’d been essentially told to just give up. Lost Land really reminded me why I love this, and having all those people sing along to all the songs I wrote, to see faces in the crowd crying because I had made them feel happy, that meant more to me than any number one or any award I might have gotten had I been allowed to promote my album properly. I think the theme of this EP is just... I’m still hurt. I still have a lot to work through, I still need time to heal, but as things stand right now? I feel a little bit better. And I’m willing to count that as a win.

[dawnsavant]

★ Denastien~

From snowflakes drifting on a playful breeze, to all the cold fury of a blizzard obscuring in frigid white, to serenity in a crystalline world of ice…

Denastien.

Andreo breathed a quiet sigh to himself. He had a knee propped to a table in the manor’s library. Sitting in a chair leaned back on two legs, he teetered himself back and forth in small rocking moments. He thumbed a pen from side to side, its end catching the light with a gleam.

What could he even say of Denastien?

★ Lord Denastien Dalendal 

I like you a whole lot and I might have to tell you that pretty much all the time.

I hate you  /  I dislike you  

I love you, Snowstorm. 

You are family, you are helping me feel like I even can reconnect with family, you are giving me a whole new family, and we are making ourselves into a family and how amazing is that. (Though I’m still not too terribly sorry for conspiring to murder one member of it in the past.)

I would take a bullet for you, with no questions or complaints, but please pamper me afterwards.

I would shoot you, but, uh, probably with one of those ridiculous training wands, or a water gun, or… I don’t know, if we needed to fake a death or something maybe.

I would lie to your face. I am not capable of lying to your face, or… in your general direction, oh, whatever. Also your face is pretty great, just so you know.

I would say something cruel to you on purpose, and I bet you’d like it, too.

I would say something cruel to you accidentally, because, you know, it’s an accident, and then I’d probably spend the next half an hour trying to make up for it.

 I would cheat on you. No. I tell you my interests.

I would physically hurt you, and I bet you’d like it, too.

You annoy me

You amuse me, pretty much endlessly. Probably getting laugh lines because of you, uhg. All your fault.

I’d laugh at you, but you know I never mean anything callous by it. If it truly offends, I will absolutely make certain to not do so again at that situation.

I’d laugh with you, and sun, I hope we always can find things to laugh about.

I’d manipulate you, and I bet you’d like it, too.

You scare me. It’s pretty great. It’s by far and large the good kind of scary. Even the scares that are not so great are fascinating and learning experiences. I also get scared for your sake, which is an interesting experience unto itself. 

You confuse me. I don’t think I’ve ever been too confused by you. Just a little miscommunication once in a while, but even then you are patient and have never balked at trying to find clarity.

I wish I knew you better, somehow?! I mean, I signed up for this. I am all in. I’m going to learn all of your weird secrets, man. Freckles in strange places? Childhood daydreams of wanting pets, or the name of that school instructor you hated growing up? I am THERE.

I trust you, implicitly.

I don’t trust you

You inspire me. You inspire me so much. Maybe not to frenetic periods of obsession and creation as I’ve suffered in the past, but on some level that I don’t know how to quantify or put into words properly. I know I tell you this every once in a while, but - light, you inspire me.

I consider you an equal in every regard, though our strengths, experience, and specializations may be different.

You are beneath me once in a while wink wink nudge nudge

You’re better than me. Strangely, I feel this deserves expanding upon in and of itself. I have idolized, grown limerent in regards to, and placed others upon pedestals in the past. After giving it some thought, I do not believe I fall into this pattern of behavior with you. Equal in every regard. I mean it, I am absolutely glad to have you beside me, rather than seeing one of us as better or worse than the other in some manner.

I would trust you with my life, and have plenty of times. Okay, there may be one exception to this. You know exactly what that situation is, and it so does not count, because even that thin line is very trusting and we’ve not made any major mistakes yet.

I think you’re mean, and I also think it’s equal parts hilarious - or prudent - in the situations where this is even applicable.

I think you’re pretty. Oh, light, and how. Delicate, eloquent, graceful, elegant. Ah, words. Singular descriptive words do no justice. A silken sash caught in a play of the breeze, shimmering as it catches the light. The bounce of shining curls as they fall just so after half a spin. The perfect jingle that bangles make as they slide down a slender forearm in a row. How it feels to watch a cat effortlessly leap from rooftop to wall with perfect precision and balance. Even these hardly feel evocative enough.

I think you’re petty, given the right circumstance and situation. But we had some pretty amazing conversations over some of the little things that we both get petty about, and I love it.

I think you’re childish. I think you go to some lengths to not have ‘childish moments’ as it were where most could see, but it’s absolutely wonderful when you let them slip through. There’s a… a… kind of enthusiasm and charm in these moments that is spectacular. I’m not going to forget playing in the snow, both real and imagined, nor some of the memories you’ve shared of your younger years.

I think you’re smart. In fact, I think you’re pretty damned smart. Smarter than anyone else, or even you, give yourself credit for sometimes. You’ve come up with some brilliant, creative spells and solutions, and I am absolutely convinced that you will do incredible things as time goes on and as inspirations come to you.

I think you’re stupid. Stupid hot maybe. Stupid smart. Stupid sexy. If I write this down where people can see it do I get a free kiss?

I think you’re a bad person.

I think you’re a good person. Maybe not always the nicest, nor the most altruistic, nor always patient with others. Maybe you have not always done so-called good things, even been outright cruel or destructive or harsh otherwise, and maybe we will continue to do some not so ‘good’ things, as it were. But you are a good person, and you are always trying to be better in some regard. That counts for so, so much. You’re good to me, too.

I’m not sure what kind of person you are

I wish you would listen to me. I mean, you do, but I want you to, too!

I want to make you proud. I hope I do, truly. I know I can be slow to act, and spend time overthinking or picking apart problems in excess, but… I hope I make you proud with what I do, how I have grown, how I handle myself, challenge and compliment you, and a host of other small details.

I want to impress you. With pretty much all of these things stated just previously, and, well. I want to surprise you, even when we’ve hardly any surprises left between us. I want to challenge you to new heights, inspire you, and frankly to be impressive alongside you.

I wish you would notice me. You do. But… I might do silly or sensuous things just to bask in stealing your attention.

I would hurt other people for you. Point me at the who and the when and I am THERE. Seriously. I’m a pretty healer priest: they’ll never see it coming.

I’m not sure how to make you happy. I think I have a pretty good handle on the kinds of things that bring you cheer, but if things need changing up over time, tell me!

I’m a bad influence on you, and I bet you like it, too. I readily confess to encouraging you on in manners and over matters which could be dangerous, under normal circumstances, for an average person.

You deserve better than me. Nah. I think you deserve better situations, and for your needs to be met whatever they may be, but I’m entirely intent to help you in any way I possibly can. If that includes other people who fit a niche or earn your adoration… we talk about it, yes? Yes.

We make a great team. Sun, I love working with you. Studying with you. Exploring with you. Figuring out how to move furniture with you. Fussing over flowerpots and lights. Working out little problems. Even the times where we see or want totally different things. You know, all that stuff.

I’d have a one night stand with you, and it’s like we might have had a whole year of them nigh-consecutively, or, you know, a whole lifetime of them. Is tomorrow good? And like all of next week? And–

I’d have a relationship with you. Fancy that. It sure would be nice. Be my friend, gorgeous?

I would marry you. Wait. Didn’t we… shit. Shit, this got real. I was even the one who proposed first. What the fuck. So much for my being absolutely, one hundred percent convinced I was ‘never doing that again’ right? Right. Now you’re stuck with me and my sense of humor.

I fantasize about our life together. It’s kind of corny to say it, but… true.

I would trust you with my most treasured belonging, and I have. Several of them in fact. I mean, an heirloom or two, some of those books are damned near priceless, and many of the things I’ve brought into the manor or placed in the vault have incredible amounts of sentimental value.

I would tell you my darkest secrets. If they come to mind, anyway. Pretty sure you know the lot, specific situations and bits and pieces of history that just haven’t come up in chatter aside. There’s nothing I am intentionally withholding anymore, that I can think of. I’ll always tell you about it if something comes to mind, though difficult memories may take a little coaxing.

You disgust me. With how good you make everything look.

You intimidate me, and I like it, too.

I hope I intimidate you. In the good way, anyway.

I’d hug you. I mean. This pretty much happens regardless. You’re getting hugged. You’ll never see it coming, I bet.

I’d let you hug me, I guess. If I have to. (Please hug me.)

I’m so very scared of losing you. It’s kind of existential crisis inducing.

I don’t think you like me

I want to be better for you. Frankly? I think I have been. You’ve helped foster an environment in which I feel as though I am thriving. And you’ve been growing. And we’ve both been doing… really well, all around, a few inescapable health and mental health issues aside for the both of us. Even those- we’ll be alright.

I respect you. 

I don’t respect you

You’re my mentor. This is an interesting one. I think we both can learn a great deal from each other. Similar but different approaches to learning, casting, problem solving… I’ve already picked up some good tricks from you.

You’re my friend.

You’re my best friend.

I have a crush on you. Sorry to admit it to you like this. Could we, uh… you know, go out for tea or coffee sometime, maybe? Talk things out? I should probably ‘fess up about this to you face to face.

I could easily watch you die. Well. Certain circumstances and states of mind considered. And… precious previous experiences, um. Only if I did it to you, very carefully, which would immediately be followed by resuscitation and incredible amounts of pampering for you while re-evaluating myself. Anything else and I think I’d panic, and throw a fit, and shake the world to her core and tear the light from the skies above to bring you back.

I’d get drunk with you. I don’t exactly remember everything that happened the last couple times, but hot da-amn, Denastien.

I’d party with you.

I’d comfort you. I will always try my very best.

I’d prank you. A little bit, anyway. I do not enjoy elaborate or mean-spirited pranks, but silliness and fun is nice

I’d spike your drink? Maybe. If we outlined acceptable circumstances and courses of action beforehand.

I’d act behind your back only in situations of extreme and dire need. I would much rather have you watching mine, however. Possibly also to try to get you a gift without giving you forewarning as to what it might be.

 I’d abandon you

I’d hurt you to get what I want, and I bet you’d like it, too. Only if this were an agreeable situation and we were open about it, honestly. Putting my self-interest above yours with no communication is no way to handle… anything. Balance is key

I would choose my happiness over yours  /  I would choose your happiness over mine  /  I despise how much I care for you

I need you.

I’m dependent on you. It… hm. This is rather true, but I think we operate well on our own. We can function apart without anxiety or shutting down. The context is more akin to ‘I do not want to be without you at any given time.’ The idea of co-dependence is a difficult thing to look at straight on, but… we are mutual, and we are equal, and should anything change this balance and how either of us feel, we can adjust and adapt as necessary. I do not think this is something unhealthy in how we currently interact.

I don’t know what I’d do without you. That is an unfortunate potential outcome of everything we face now, and… I’ve no answer, still. It is a daunting prospect.

I’m scared of you leaving me, in a manner of speaking. It is no fear that you will walk out.

I’d give my life for you. Maybe, if something dire and unexpected happened. I think we would both be far better served by ‘I would live for you’ rather than ‘I would die for you.’ Just as the thought of losing you mortifies me, I would not be so hypocritical as to think that you could any more easily suffer my loss.

You frustrate me, in the best of ways.

I’d call for you in a time of need. I want to put a booty call joke here to lighten the mood after some of those dour thoughts, butt a good one just isn’t coming to me.

I would will protect you, to the very best of my ability.

I’d visit you in hospital, I guess. I think I’d be more likely to doctor you in a less formal and much more comfortable setting if at all possible.

I’d carry you if you were hurt. Even if you’re not. It’s fun. In fact, maybe I’ll pick you up and walk off with you again sometime soon. Though, honestly, I would heal you, I would levitate you, I would do a great many things for you were you injured.

I’d feel guilty if I hurt you in some circumstances, at any rate. Unplanned, unexpected hurts. Emotional hurts. I do not want to do that to you.

I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable, and I have. I am sorry if I’ve ever gotten snappish, or made you sad with my own sadness. I try to keep it under control because we resonate easily.

I’d ignore a phone call from you

I’d call you at 3am. I think I have, more or less.

I’d break you out of jail. Please don’t do anything to get yourself imprisoned anywhere.

I’d get angry at you. I think? Thus far, even in moments where we have disagreed or faltered in communication, I have never been anywhere near even remotely angry with you. I cannot imagine what would possibly set off such reaction, but I am capable. Perhaps… self-sacrificial or suicidal ideation, rude insults, or apathy and insultingly dismissive mannerisms. You have never shown such in my presence, however.

I would shout at you. / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke

You embarrass me … intentionally, privately, and with respect to not actually making me embarrass myself. I appreciate it. It’s fun. You are not, nor will you ever be, an embarrassment to me.

I feel nothing for you  /  You’re reckless

You’re bossy, sometimes. In the right moods. This is also something entirely amusing and enjoyable. It tends to work well with my moods more often than not.

You bore me. No. I do not get bored. I especially do not get bored with people. We are infinitely changing.

I would ask your advice. I appreciate the perspectives you bring me.

I would blame you for something I did, in entirely playful manners. In any serious regard, however? No.

I would cry in your arms. And all over the bed. And make absolutely certain I cry on your pillow and get it good and gross. Sorry not sorry. I’ll give you my pillow after, though. 

You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else. This is true; we choose those who are capable of hurting us. I am open and honest with you. I share what I have with you. What you think of me and what you choose to do with this information can greatly impact my state of mind, if not my life. Though I would not word this as you have ‘power’ over me, so much as this is an integral part and parcel of sharing myself with you. Conversely, I will never use what I know of you to intentionally do you emotional harm. This seems a silly bit of wording.

Now, things I find sorely lacking from this list: You make me a better person. You make me WANT to be a better person. I enjoy your company. I appreciate the things you do for me, and the time you give me.

Thank you so much for everything thus far.

@denastien / @arhenadoesart

[detrevniwrit]

re: kacchako is bad (responses)

oh my god I'm going to answer all of these in one post because it’s been a freaking long day and i have no desire to answer each individual permutation of the same sentiments over and over again

read more this time bc it didn’t seem clear enough last time by the bolded ‘kacchako is bad title’ that you can scroll past if you’re sensitive to criticism because this is a criticism of kacchako.

Concern:

Don’t tag it in the ship tag if it’s hate! Just blacklist it if it bothers you so much. People can ship it if they want, don’t be mean/an asshole! :(

Answer:

I can't believe I'm getting "let people ship what they want don't spread hate it's never worth it" msgs in this year of our lord 2017. Don't moralize down to me about spreading hate and quit acting as if I went into people’s inboxes to harass and specifically be mean to them. I used the tag, yes, but I did it to bring kacchako fans’ attention to legitimate concerns I have about the ship’s consequences, and I made my opinion very explicit in the bolded title of the post so people can scroll past if they’re sensitive. I thought it was worth the risk to my sanity to make sure that people who aren't as sensitive to criticism won’t just ignore that there are important issues with kacchako because it’s easier, or because they just don’t know/never thought about it. (I’m now partially feeling it wasn’t worth it, but determined to stand by my points)

Concern:

I think kacchako is fine and I don’t defend abuse! I just imagine them in a place where Bakugou is grown up and not abusive anymore and Ochako doesn’t take that shit!

Answer: 

It has occurred to me that it’s rarely anyone’s intention to support abuse, which is why I bothered to write the original post at all. To reiterate my argument so I don’t get confused ‘kacchako is not abusive’s in my inbox, I’m not saying that kacchako is inherently abusive. I’m saying that as Izuku’s friend, Ochako wouldn’t be motivated to date Bakugou specifically because he bullies Izuku and has abusive tendencies towards her friend, and because she’s someone who cares about Izuku’s wellbeing she wouldn’t be interested in someone who continues to unapologetically treat Izuku like that. 

There is no ‘she secretly likes Bakugou’ right now, or vice versa. She just wants to catch up to Izuku. And Bakugou does not respect her more than he sees her as a threat.

To the reimagining future Bakugou part: again, I doubt anyone has the intention to erase Izuku’s experience as a victim of Bakugou’s bullying. I’m saying that no one writes Bakugou changing from a bully into a better person respectfully or realistically. Most interpret Bakugou’s one interaction with Ochako (in which he considers her a legitimate threat to beat) as an indicator of Bakugou beginning to change because of Ochako, even if after this interaction he’s still only interested in winning and dominating over others and if people are potentially in his way. 

Let me give you a definition of domestic abuse (my bolding):

"domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t ‘play fair.’ Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.”

All kacchako shippers imagine a future Bakugou as someone who automatically deserves forgiveness for not being an asshole anymore, most likely due to Ochako keeping him in line, and not a single one has been able to describe, in informed detail, about how hard it is to change abusive behavior. 

“In discussing why abusers abuse, it’s clear that a lot of the causal factors behind these behaviors are learned attitudes and feelings of entitlement and privilege — which can be extremely difficult to truly change. [...] While we hope abusive partners will change, it’s not always realistic to expect that they can and will. Focus on changes you can control to improve your own life, because you deserved to feel loved, happy and safe.”

Signs of progress of changing abusive behavior include (some bolded for what I think kacchako shippers particularly don’t take into account often when characterizing future Bakugou):

Admitting fully to what they have done

Stopping excuses and blaming

Making amends

Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice

Identifying patterns of controlling behavior they use

Identifying the attitudes that drive their abuse

Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves “cured”

Not demanding credit for improvements they’ve made

Not treating improvements as vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (ex. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so it’s not a big deal)

Developing respectful, kind, supportive behaviors

Carrying their weight and sharing power

Changing how they respond to their partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances

Changing how they act in heated conflicts

Accepting the consequences of their actions (including not feeling sorry for themselves about the consequences, and not blaming their partner or children for them)

Making Bakugou an adult does not change that you need to write him checking his abusive behavior.

Concern:

But Bakugou has changed at this point in the manga---he and Izuku now have an understanding of trust and respect.

Answer:

Bakugou has only demonstrated one instance that he could be changing. Though change for Bakugou is a good and decidedly difficult feat, one instance does not an abusive pattern break.

Let me direct you to the classic cycle of abuse by psychologist Lenore Walker, with helpful manga caps from Ch. 117-121:

1) Tension building phase 

2) Acute battering phase (in which Izuku absolutely does not want to fight at first until he feels obligated to)

3) Honeymoon phase

“The abuse may be terrible, but the promises and generosity of the honeymoon phase give the victim the false belief that everything will be all right.”

Secondly, to the aforementioned abuse-changing bullets Bakugou has not achieved up to after he’s fought with Izuku Ch. 117-121:

Admitting fully to what they have done

Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice

Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves “cured”

Thirdly, to what he is beginning to do

Stopping excuses and blaming

Carrying their weight and sharing power

I concede that Bakugou is making steps towards change because he is a hardheaded egoistic teenager who up to this point hadn’t offered help out of his own volition. But if you’re taking this as a sign that he’s anywhere near lasting and permanent change, even years from now---I almost literally just wrote a foot of text and references as to why that isn’t realistic or respectful towards the realities of abusive behavior. Please realize you are likely oversimplifying his path towards change.

Concern:

Not all kacchako shippers are like that! I know (insert fanworks here) that are respectful, good, etc,

Answer:

Show me. I’m more than willing to take a look and then give you my detailed opinion afterwards, if you’d like.

Concern:

I’m not trying to force a het agenda, I just like the dynamic.

Answer:

I mentioned before that people may not realize their intentions don’t match up with consequences. I just wrote more than 2 hours worth explaining why kacchako doesn’t have a sensical basis for a good relationship and am considering just passing out on the spot right at this moment in sheer exhaustion. I’m just going to post screenshots that actually do have the aforementioned good qualities and ask politely that you consider these respective Ochako and Katsuki ships, instead of kacchako het, which endorses a contrived relationship over not straight ones that actually have a basis of mutual affection in canon:

Fuck, if you really really want to ship Uraraka with a guy Iida and/or Midoriya have plenty of shared affection and solid relationships with her, I trust you don’t need me to screen cap to know that. 

Concern:

If Bakugou is so problematic, wouldn’t any ship with him be problematic (including kiribaku)?

Answer:

Finally a good question. I would say yes and no. Yes, because if you’re a survivor of abuse it’s perfectly valid and understandable not to want to think about Bakugou and his potential romantic partners at all. No, for a variety of reasons, using kiribaku as an example: 

a) Bakugou and Kirishima are established friends with a relatively healthy, mutual relationship. Bakugou has a foul temper but he’s not abusive towards Kirishima, even going out of his way to---admittedly badly---help him study (above caps from the manga and light novel); Kirishima admires Bakugou, finds positive qualities in their friendship, and isn’t cowed, wary, or disgusted by him, like Ochako or Izuku and many others are. tl;dr, there is plenty of solid evidence to back up the mutual affection, respect, and trust between them, something that kacchako and---god forbid---bakudeku lack.

It’s actually good for Bakugou to learn how to develop uncontrolling behaviors through healthy relationships where he doesn't feel the need to dominate over his partner.  He can’t do this with Ochako, with whom he regards as nonexistent at best, and a threat to him as Izuku’s lackey at worst (I discussed this in detail further up). Referring back to the changing abusive behavior list, Bakugou’s relationship with Kirishima demonstrates that Bakugou can learn a) respectful, kind, supportive behaviors and b) carrying weight and sharing power. This doesn’t justify how Bakugou treats others, but it does facilitate a view of how Bakugou would be able to treat others better, which I think is worth exploring.

Concern:

Why do you care so much? People ship bad/problematic stuff all the time lol there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Just let it be or blacklist it or something??

Answer:

I’m maybe foolishly invested in the idea that some people don’t have to be like that when they’re informed and engaged in critical discourse, and well fuck I have time and resources and have already started two godamned things this weekend with fandom out of probably masochistic impulses, so why the fuck not. 

Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean I’m here to attack people or be unwilling to talk to them about it---rather, I’m more concerned that people are so unwillingly to talk about why the things they like isn’t good?? 

Kacchako is just one instance. I can provide a lot more examples of this kind of behavior in different areas of interest, in detail, with plenty of support and reasons, over private message. Otherwise, I’m not interested in making a detailed -post- of examples of bad kacchakos because honestly, I’ve already spent a lot of my time writing this when I could be discussing more pressing issues. The downsides of hyper focus.

On that note, forgive me if I don’t immediately respond to further replies any time soon after this post. After more than 10 messages that entirely missed the point I’ve exhausted myself thinking people could put aside their first impulses and self-indulgences to maybe formulate better opinions on tumblr.com, rather than sending me vague, misinformed, and/or childishly defensive insults that don’t actually tell me I’m wrong.

[scrawnydutchman]

My Top 10 Favorite Cartoons

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Animation is the greatest art form in the world. It’s film making, painting, doodling, caricature, satire, illusion, literature and music all at the same time. Truly poetry in motion. It simply does not get enough credit for just how miraculous the form can really be. Being the innovation in our culture that it is, making this list was difficult; because every time I thought of a worthy candidate for the list another worthwhile one popped up in my memory. As such, expect an honorable mentions before we get to number one. Before we jump in though, some ground rules.

1. If it’s animation, it counts. It doesn’t matter if it’s western animation or Anime, 2d or 3d, traditional or motion tweened, for children or for adults, for television or on the web. If it involves the cycling of drawn pictures to create the illusion of life then it qualifies.

2. This is not in order of objective quality and is strictly opinion based. Overall quality is a factor, but this list is mostly about how much of an impact it’s had on me as an individual.

enough ado, let’s get into it.

10. Being Ian

It’s more then Likely those of you readers who are American or anywhere besides Canada for that matter don’t know about this show, so in order to make sense of this entry let me provide a bit of information about myself. I am Canadian, and thus grew up with an entire library of Canadian produced shows intended for Canadian audiences. While I think the U.S.’s animation game is undeniably stronger then what we’ve got up north, we had some pretty solid entertainment like 6teen, What’s With Andy?, Total Drama Island, stuff like that. While it’s all well and good, the only thing I regret about our history as animators is that we rarely aim for more fantastical premises and almost always make shows about hijinks in mundane Canadian smalltown life. It’s nice every once in a while but we do it a little too often. I’d kill for a Canadian Adventure Time or Gumball. So why is Being Ian here? Well, the simple answer is this is the show that made me want to get into film making. Seeing as the premise is all about a nerdy kid with his camera trying to make an inspiring career out of his mundane life and constantly imagining scenarios that are treated as homages to famous movies like King Kong, Clockwork Orange, Jurassic Park and so on (many references I didn’t get as a kid) it makes sense that this would make me want to take on the same kind of lifestyle. It put me on live action for a while but as I found my talents are more in line with animation I moved onto it shortly after. Quite honestly, that’s it’s only real reason for being here. The animation is passable but nothing to write home about, it’s comedy got a chuckle out of me at times but isn’t really the most clever show ever (in fact sometimes it relies a little too much on grossout humor, as do most Canadian shows in fact), but the show undeniably played a major role in my development as a person. Also, it’s theme song is by Parry Gripp (the “Do You Like Waffles?” guy) so that’s a plus.

9. Wander Over Yonder

Alright, now that some of the country-based sentimentality is out of the way, let’s get into the really high quality stuff. The stuff with the bright colours, the wacky characters, the emotionally driven storylines and just everything great about cartoons. Craig McCracken is among my favorite animated show producers of all time (as previously stated in another article I wrote: Why Craig McCracken is a genius). This show is the perfect example of his talent and skill. Effectively just Road Runner on an intergalactic level with a touch of The Muppets, Wander Over Yonder is the cartoonist cartoon you will ever watch in your cartoon-filled life. It’s got a great sense of humor, intoxicatingly likable characters like the optimistic too-nice-for-his-own-good Wander, the spunky and adventure loving Sylvia and of course the abundantly evil yet adorable Lord Hater and his number one henchmen Commander Peepers, and it’s animation is miles upon miles in quality in comparison to what you may find on the air most of the time. I think objectively it is one of the finer shows on this list. So why only number 9? Well, the truth is . . . I haven’t watched very much of it. I watched the first season and pieces of the second. I intend to watch the rest once I get a bit more spending money but for now I gotta settle with what I bought, and for a show as high quality as this I refuse to pirate it. But this show left a great impact on me and came into my life when I needed somethin this cheery most. I discovered it when I was coming off of a really hard breakup that was way more difficult then it really needed to be and it bent me out of shape real bad, so putting this on felt like turning the lights in my brain back on. For that I’m really grateful.

8. Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ho man. Who knew Nickelodeon of all networks would make a move as artistic, risk-taking, original and highbrow as Avatar: The Last Airbender?? Oozing with eastern culture influence (so much so that there is an ongoing debate as to whether or not it counts as an anime), hours and hours of some of the most fantastic animation and fight choreography ever to hit the waves of television all done in glorious hand drawn frame by frame no less AND being the premiere of some of the most unforgettable characters in pop culture like the lovable Aang, the witty Sokka, The badass Katara and Toph and the honorable (haha) Zuko, this show is something you absolutely can’t miss out on for any reason at all. I would know as much, because I actually binged watched the whole thing as an adult instead of catching it while it was still on the air even though I was totally aware of it’s existence at the time. I was a stupid, stupid kid. It’s too bad Nickelodeon developed a history of terrible decision making that screwed over the follow-up series The Legend of Korra SUPER hard. All well. This show is fantastic and you need to watch it right now.

7. Venture Brothers

Alright, so at this point I feel an obligation to point out a certain bias I have when picking favorite shows. That bias being my love for superheroes. I. LOVE. Superheroes. They are a bigger chunk of my life then they realistically should be. So fair warning; a lot of these entries are superhero themed, this being one of them. But Venture Bros isn’t just that: it’s one giant satirical love letter to every kind of adventure show you can imagine. It homages everything from James Bond to Indiana Jones to Scooby Doo to Johnny Quest to Superfriends to Marvel Comics. It’s got fast witty dialogue that seamlessly alternates between high and lowbrow in seconds and has an ever expanding cast of great celebrity voices like Stephen Colbert, Clancy Brown, Seth Green and of course the manliest man who ever manned in the history of mankind, Patrick Warburton as Brock Sampson. Testosterone incarnate. The show has great appealing character design and so many memorably hammy characters that all comes together for a great slick style that’s every bit as badass as it is hilarious. You can totally get enraptured in the gut wrenching dialogue while still being invested in the plot full of conspiracy and espionage.

favorite line from this show: “If that were a woman, I’d marry it!” “Yeah, and then I’d jeopardize our friendship by bangin’ yer hot wife!”

6. Cowboy Bebop

Anime fans rejoice; I put the most cliché basic answer for favorite anime on my list! In all seriousness though, Cowboy Bebop is often regarded as the gateway anime for an American audience and rightfully so. It’s heavily influenced by American culture, it’s got a soundtrack comprised almost entirely of Jazz, Blues and Bebop as is it’s namesake, every episode homages some sort of American genre of film like Noir, Sci-fi horror and even Blacksploitation flicks and it’s American dubbing is considered one of the few on par with the original if not better, with Steve Blum giving a cool as ice raspy take on Spike as the lead character as well as the rough but fatherly Jet, the seductive but sensitive Faye and the optimistic child prodigy Edward (who is a girl, in case you don’t know). But none of that would matter if the anime wasn’t good . . . . so it’s a relief that this show KICKS SO MUCH FUCKING ASS THAT IT DOES OH MY GOD!! If I could sum this show up in one word, it’s “cool”. You will never find a show cooler then this. That is a challenge. It’s got great Bruce Lee inspired martial arts action as well as Reservoir Dogs esque shootouts, and most importantly it’s got a lot of heart and dripping emotional tension enraptured in mystery that insists the viewer keep watching to peel back the layers of every character. Through nuance storytelling choices, heavy atmosphere and carefully chosen dialogue this show has a style and edge that will never be known again. Let’s just hope the live action adaptation doesn’t fuck it all up (it’s got Sunrise Pictures backing it though so that’s reassuring).

5. The Simpsons

This gif is just the tiniest taste of the timeless wit behind the golden age of this show. What can I say about the Simpsons that hasn’t already been said before? It’s one of the most culture revolutionizing pieces of all time, let alone the 20th century. It perfected the archetype of the family sitcom, is the longest running American television show in history, was once so ahead of it’s time to predicted the future eerily frequently and has even had some of it’s original dialect like “D’oh!” make it into the dictionary. This show is no doubt one of the largest reasons for our cultures current sensibilities and outlook. Most importantly though, it was just something me and my whole family could watch and bond over. Some of my fondest memories as a kid was getting so excited whenever this show would come on because it was a time where me and all the siblings and our folks would huddle around the couch and all laugh together at some great slapstick, clever one liners and just straight up bizarre jokes at times where the only way you can logically respond is to laugh. It’s too bad this delicious fruit has rotted quite a bit and Fox won’t just send it to compost already. I already wrote up an entire article about why the current Simpsons sucks now so if you’re interested, go check it out. For now, I’m just going to look fondly on it’s golden age through clips, old episodes and internet shitposts.

“Don’t cry for me. I’m already dead.” - Barney.

4. Homestar Runner

Oh, Homestar Runner. Ye ancient relic of the early days of the Internet before youtube. A simpler time when Flash cartoons were all the rage and you can tune into the surreal misadventures of a star spangled armless oblivious dolt and his more popular counterpart, the boxing glove wearing e-mail answering Luchador Strong Bad. When I was very little I was obsessed . . . OBSESSED . . . with Homestar. I think the great appeal of Homestar was that while it was clearly popular enough for references to pop up here and there purely by word of mouth and for the series to eventually get a videogame developed by Telltales and for the creators Matt and Mike Chapman to eventually move on to working for Disney, it was JUST obscure and surreal enough to make its fans feel like they were in a unique and secret club where they could really bond over references to the show and not have it ruined by having the brand just pop up everywhere and anywhere. As hipstery as that sounds, my point is that Homestar felt like a Niche where problems were simple, everything was up for ridicule and old Atari and computer games were always cool. They went on a hiatus for a few years and only recently came back with a little cartoon every once in a while (nothing regularly scheduled though) but if you want to dabble in a little bit of early 2000s lighthearted weirdness then I highly suggest checking out their website. I’ll link to it down below.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/

3. Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends

When I first came up with the idea to do this list this was the first show to immediately pop in my head. I just get into a good mood whenever I think about this show. It’s colour scheme, it’s wildly imaginative characters, it’s silly yet offbeat sense of humor, it’s great pacing. Mostly it’s premise is just so ingenious you have to wonder how nobody ever thought of it before. This show is the sole reason why Craig McCracken is among my absolute favorite Animation Directors. Everytime I heard the intro to this show come on as a kid I had to immediately stop whatever it is I was doing and catch a hilarious episode. This was a show my sister really liked too, so much so she learned how to play the theme on the piano. Whether it was letting awkward tension build or immediately escalating to a high speed chase, this show would always keep me giggling the entire way through. Not to mention some of it’s episodes were really heart wrenching and actually made me choke up a bit. I know leave you with one of it’s funnier bits.

2. Teen Titans

That superhero bias I was talking about is coming back with a vengeance. This show is great for a lot of the reasons I really like previous entries in this list actually. It’s got a great art style that’s heavily anime influenced, a cast of diverse and unforgettable characters (with my childhood favorite being the quirky and wise cracking Beast Boy and my adulthood favorite being the hilarious, innocent and lovable Starfire), a hell of a lot of heart that makes me tear up in some of it’s most emotional moments, FANTASTICALLY fluid and suspenseful action (once again done in glorious classical animation), a great soundtrack with a hype as hell opening number that’s so good I have it on Spotify, all sorts of homages to action show tropes as well as nods to the larger DC universe and takes itself the right amount of seriously to let some of it’s sillier aspects shine. I distinctly remember seeing the first episode when it came on for the first time and getting instantly hooked. Every main character in this show is cast spot on and give some of the most memorable performances I’ve ever heard. Plus it’s a show that only gets better with time . . . especially in comparison to . . . that other show.

Before we get into number one, here are some honorable mentions: Rick and Morty, Disney’s Recess, One Piece, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Clone High, Samurai Jack, The Legend of Korra, The Amazing World of Gumball, Steven Universe, Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, Young Justice, Spectacular Spider-Man, 6teen.

1. Justice League Unlimited

Let’s take a moment to appreciate just how Amazing Bruce Timm’s take on the DC universe is, because . . . oh man . . . it is masterful. The stupendously likable characters, the intense action and suspense, the drama, the fast paced and impactful action and animation, the simple yet effective character design, the ever engrossing storylines. These are just some of the reasons why Bruce Timm is my favorite animated show developer of all time. There have been many great DC shows to come after this like Batman: Brave and the Bold or Young Justice, but none of them come close to the majesty of Justice League: Unlimited. When it comes to Bruce Timm shows most people would put Batman: The Animated Series higher up there, and while I without a doubt respect it’s legacy the fact that it’s Bruce Timm’s earliest show as director for the DC universe is pretty prominent in it’s pacing, action and to an extent it’s line delivery. The show moves rather sluggish and has more then a few issues in it’s animation, especially in it’s first season. I don’t hold that against the show in any way as it’s still very impressive for what it is, but you can tell Timm and his crew were just beginning to hone their style and would go through some growth pains further down the road. Justice League had some remnants of these problems here and there but they were beginning to shake these issues off. JLU is where Timm’s style got perfected. Perfect pacing, perfect line delivery, perfect animation, perfect action sequences where you can feel the impact of every punch and blow, perfect storytelling, and most impressively perfect juggling between the largest cast of characters Bruce Timm has tackled in his run. While Justice League would keep it between the original 7 in terms of juggling, JLU would take on characters like Green Arrow, Captain Marvel, Huntress, Black Canary, The Atom, Vigilante and so many more and make them all just as likable as the main cast if not more at times. And of course, there is the number one reason to watch the show . . . The Question.

God, do I love the Question. This show is the sole reason he is my second favorite DC character (first being the Flash). But anyway, to wrap it up, Bruce Timm once said in an interview that JLU was his favorite work because it was the only show he could keep going back to and continue to enjoy. I wholeheartedly agree.

So that’s my list. I hope you saw some of your favorites on there, and if not just enjoy what you enjoy and keep this medium alive dammit!

[never-relaxed]

On the Persona 5 translation

I’ve read a lot of extremely hot takes on the Persona 5 translation today. So many, in fact, that it’s difficult to address everything wholesale. To the their credits, the critics are both thorough & well-articulated, and their arguments are strong enough to get me thinking - strong enough, even, to kickstart me pushing out this writing blog I’ve been wanting to get off the ground.

I want to respond to the myriad of issues listed on the website being currently used as a sort of rallying-cry, http://www.personaproblems.com/ . It’s well-designed, and organizes the issues well. I’ll start at the top, then:

- “Yet no other form of media would ever get away with the number of errors found in Persona 5's English script.”

This is a very minor nitpick, but actually, yes. Other forms of media would, indeed, get away with any number of similar errors; viewers of foreign films, for instance, can tell you all about how perfect-world this sentiment is. Additionally, classic books aren’t retranslated for no reason; direct translation is not actually a Thing, and any translated work is going to display the biases, quirks, and language tendencies of its writer(s). This is why people learn dead or archaic languages just to read Cicero or Plato in the original text. It’s a bizarre claim, to say grammar issues are not a problem throughout other media. (Also, try reading a novel translated from a Slavic language, if you don’t like stiff dialog. Have fun.)

- “The baseline for any translation is this: readers of the translation should receive the same experience as readers of the original, as if the original creators had written it natively in both languages.“

If this is the writer’s goal when they go about their own work, it’s admirable. It’s also completely impossible. What does a “native” English speaker sound like? Are they American? British? Australian? Here’s the short of it: by translating a work in your own native tongue, you are co-authoring the piece. It is never, ever, going to be a 1:1 situation when facing down the realities of character limits, cultural differences, & even personal backgrounds. Some works get closer, some works get further, and it’s down to the writers to decide whether a strict or a loose translation better fits the text.

To a certain degree, the way we think - the actual way we formulate & process our thoughts - is influenced by language itself. If you ever communicate with folks who speak English as a second, third, fourth, or so on language - you’ll notice that, even when extremely proficient, they don’t just totally entirely lose the speech quirks that come with their parent language. Eliminating those quirks of speech already changes the context of the work. Is this a bad thing? No, not necessarily; but it’s presumptuous at best to believe yourself capable of understanding how another person would write “if only they were native” in your language.

- “Translation can be a murky concept, so first I'll define a standard to measure against: imagine if translation weren't necessary at all.”

I absolutely despise this. The assumption made is that any story could be told completely, and just as enjoyably, in any language, in any culture, without any change to structure. It is simply not how language works.

- “Translators do not convert words from one language to another: they convert ideas.”

Okay. Let’s keep this in mind.

- The entire “Why aren’t more people complaining?” section

This is one of the most bizarre, difficult-to-follow explanations I have ever seen. It makes totally weird assertions, such as the idea that people hold early, loose translations against current-day translators. That’s a really strange idea, considering the popularity of things like NA Kefka, or bounty-hunter-Samus. The truth is that if the translation was good back in the 90s, no one cared if it was inaccurate. Outside of Usenet, none of us really had a point of reference. The writer seems to have some sort of personal beef with Working Designs leaving Bill Clinton jokes in their work, or something. I am especially confused by the TV Tropes links here, and what they have to do with the point.

Cutting down on this section, we could just apply Occam’s razor: most people have no issue with the translation. 

- I’m not going to go through all the examples. There are some I think are silly, some that I haven’t seen yet, some that are definitely awkward.

One thing that does frustrate me about these examples - it’s noted by the writer that the script does a fine job of getting _the idea_ across. There are few, if really any, examples of the game actually failing to convey meaning. By the author’s own definition of what a translator does, the script succeeds. No, it doesn’t flow the way it would if it were written by an American. Translate dialog this way, and it sounds weird for English speakers elsewhere in the world. It’s a give and take - we don’t all speak the same English. “But these are factual errors!” is a really silly argument here; if they are, why isn’t this an issue for everybody?

- “Unfortunately, while it's possible for a translation to be stiff but understandable, stiff but accurate translations are pretty much a myth.”

I hate this idea, too. “If it doesn’t sound right in American English, it’s incorrect, & doesn’t get the idea across.” The other thing I really don’t like about this is the vast majority of dialog in Persona 5 flows very smoothly for native English speakers! The writer even seems to be aware of that fact, as I’ll address later.

- “It's definitely great to get to experience the cultural aspect of a piece of foreign writing. However, that foreign nature should be expressed by the text's content, not by the text's awkwardness. This goes back to creator intent. If the original creator were perfectly fluent in English, would they have made their writing intentionally awkward just so readers could feel how “foreign” it is?”

I really fucking hate this! How are you ‘expressing’ the cultural aspect of a text by eliminating the speech quirks of the parent language - is the implication that you intentionally add lines to express the character’s nationality? It really feels like ‘thing that detracts from my experience by taking me out of my personal cultural & linguistic comfort zone should be removed and replaced with, y’know, something.’ And that final claim! People who write in two languages - or speak fluently two languages - will very, very often include quirks, stiffness, or other eccentricities in their own personal English. If the author means “fluent in the brand of English I speak and write,” that’s extremely irritating!

- “Consider—how would readers react if George R. R. Martin released his next book and every third sentence was awkward, with every fifth sentence containing an objective error? Writing is hard, and his novels are long, after all.��

I wish this author had simply not written this blurb, I was so much warmer on the criticism beforehand. George R. R. Martin works in an entirely different medium, in one language, with years and years between each published work. The criticisms even this writer has with Persona 5 do not extend to “every third sentence,” “with every fifth sentence” containing some sort of grand, inexcusable error. People would be far, far more upset if this were actually the case. This comparison fails in every conceivable way, & is just outright ignorant.

- “One reason someone might use this defense is that they genuinely don't see a problem, because to them those flaws aren't flaws. And that's valid, so long as they accept other people's right to believe otherwise.”

I like this. I wish the author didn’t hide this at the end, behind all of the assertions of objective “failure” and “outright errors.”

- “I haven't listed every mistake in Persona 5, or even a substantial fraction of them. I've also been forced to focus on the translation aspect of localization, which means I haven't properly addressed other failings such as bad typography, untranslated images and video, and voiced lines that are unsubbed even when Japanese audio is enabled.1 Nor have I dedicated time to the sometimes strange handling of honorifics.“

The typography complaint is valid, though one of the pettiest things I’ve seen in awhile now, and the untranslated images are a series staple, but the honorifics thing HAS bothered me since P3. Just commit or don’t, guys.. Anyway, not much to say about this chunk. I just wanted to say, man that honorifics stuff can be weird (& has been for years).

Listen: If you take nothing else from this write up, understand that I have no issue with people disliking the P5 translation. That’s totally fine. My problem is with the concept of there existing a ‘correct’ English, or a ‘correct’ translation. My problem is with the repeated emphasis this writer, and others expanding on them, place on their definition of “objective” errors. The vast majority of the moments picked out by this writer are not selections of terrible grammatical errors - and I’d argue that it’s /completely fine/ for a couple of those to exist in a fucking video game - but of what the author calls stiff language. That is to say: Neither meaning nor soul are impaired by the P5 translation.

The reverence with which this author refers to the text - referencing how the translation has ruined one of the ‘greatest RPGs of the last ten years’ for them, and so on, so forth - speaks to a kind of pedestal-hoisting that does no good for anyone. For example, in the Sae moment detailed on the site from the start of the game, with the “psychic detective”; what makes the original so good? In Japanese, the detective says “There’s been a call for you” right before she receives a call on her cell phone. Is this not silly as all fuck? Why is it so much better? Why did Sae’s boss call the detective first, why didn’t he just call her cell phone if he had it the whole time? The English script changes the moment to make the detective seem aware that she’s about to receive the call - emphasizing that the detective and Sae’s boss are working together no one in the scene can be trusted, while also positing Sae as an outsider. Watch the scene again and see if you get what I’m saying. https://youtu.be/f3bVM2mxh4k?t=876

It’s super frustrating that a changes like this get flak from this writer, while the worldview being pushed is one of ‘capturing the spirit, not the words.’ It’s also frustrating that many of the game’s legitimate, real problems (that aren’t fucking, the font used to spell out ‘hello’ on a calculator, god damn guys it’s okay most people have done that before) are ignored - such as the constant battle chatter every time you hit a weakpoint in a game centered on repeatedly exploiting weaknesses, or the intensity of the writing game’s first chapter. The writing is held in extremely high regard, & the translation is being used to try to assert the truth of controversial axioms without actually needing to discuss said assumed “truths.”

I just want to leave with one assertion: There is no “correct” English. It’s okay for a text to sound awkward (especially in visual media) _with the caveat_ that it must get the spirit of the original work across. It’s all right, for sure, for a foreign text to challenge or disrupt the expectations of a native English speaker in its translation. In some ways (and not even all), Persona 5′s translation does this. Is it a perfect translation? No, no translation is. Do you have to like it? No. Should you respect the opinion of players who do (as well as ESL players & those abroad!) enough to avoid making sweeping, generalized statements about the failure of the script to appeal to your individual sensibilities, complete with long, detailed theories as to why other people don’t seem to mind? Please. _Please_. Honestly, y’all make this game sound like it’s Chaos Wars, or Arc Rise Fantasia. The hyperbole is unreal, and it simply needs to stop.