#but i think they are valuable and useful to read
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Okay, I think there is, though.
Let me explain it this way: having children is a thing people do sometimes, that some people find rewarding/enriching. It's not for everyone, but neither is, say, running an animal shelter, or traveling all over for rock climbing, or working the night shift. However, like all those things, if someone wants to do it and can do it responsibly, they should be allowed to.
If reproducing/raising children is a behavior that some humans seek out for enrichment, then there should be an available outlet for them to do so. Yes, less people are having children now, and largely that's people who wouldn't want to have children anyway - but it also includes people like me, who WOULD like to have children, but are prevented from doing so.
You can't just look at the statistic "people are doing x thing less." You also have to check whether people are WANTING to do the thing. And, in this case, many of us do! I would love to be able to help support & shape the next generation of humans. I have valuable wisdom and experience to pass down and I enjoy working with children, so I would be an attentive and enthusiastic parent.
However, I also grew up in a toxic and sometimes abusive home, and I've seen the factors that contribute to that: isolation, poverty, fundamentalist religion, untreated/unmanaged trauma and health issues, etc. Most of these factors are present in my life, meaning that it would be unwise for me to have kids, or at least not until the issues are mitigated.
All of the factors I listed aren't unique to me - trauma is common, doctors not taking chronic illnesses seriously is common, isolation is common, poverty is common. There's also current or impeding climate disaster, spreading global fascism, and uncontrolled capitalism. All of these things are going to make it less likely for people to want to have children, even if they would otherwise, because they rightfully don't want to bring a tiny, helpless, fragile new person into a horrible situation.
My point is, looking at the data that shows people aren't having kids is useful if you're following it up with the question, "WHY aren't people having children?" Because if something is a normal human behavior that a certain percentage of people will want to engage in, but they're not doing it, that's a potential indicator that society has broken down somewhere and people aren't getting their needs met. And this is factually true in this case.
From what I've read, many people have concerns like mine, where they don't want to bring a child into a bad situation. Also, lot of research that polls people of reproductive age comes up with the answers "It takes too much time" and "it costs too much money." And these, too, are red flags for society not functioning as it should be. Does it really make sense to dump the entire childrearing process onto one or two people? Especially when that's not the only option, and communal childrearing has been the norm in other places and times? If children are the future and necessary for the continuation of society, doesn't it make more sense that the entire community should be pitching in to help raise children, both monetarily and otherwise? Why DO we make things so expensive for parents? Why does every parent have to spend so much money buying new baby gear, new clothes, new shoes, etc for every child? Why are parents saddled with exorbitant daycare costs when it's in the vested interest of an entire community that it's next generation reach adulthood successfully? (The answer to nearly every one of these questions is capitalism, BTW. Exhausted and isolated people spend more money and are easier to exploit.)
"you shouldn't care about x" isn't really a useful sentiment. We can get all kinds of information about what's going on in the world humans have created and how to fix it by looking at data like this and asking questions. That's the entire basis for critical thinking, in fact; asking questions like: what is happening, why is it happening, what are the mechanisms driving it, who benefits from it, who suffers, etc. "There is no progressive way to care about this topic" is just as reactionary and counterproductive as "Oh No, Women are become Actual People instead of Baby Factories, This Will Detroy Society"
Sorry not sorry but there's no "liberal" way to care about collective fertility rates
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Hello friends!
I regret to inform you that due to what is happening on Ao3, I have had to put all my fanfics hidden, that is, only available to those who have an account/are registered on Ao3.
It's so sad, I've already lost accounts on other platforms and I thought Ao3 would be a better backup for the nonsense I like to imagine and share...
For now, I can only apologize to you. And I recommend that you create an account to read, and for those who already have an account and publish on Ao3, protect your texts.
Many people say that "it doesn't matter" or that "they're just badly made fics", but it doesn't matter what others think, if you have fun creating and providing content to a fandom, it's valuable and you deserve to take care of it. You spent your time, energy, and imagination, and you deserve to appreciate it.
I have a lot of other fics to reupload after losing my blog, but I guess I'll have to wait.
This is just a notice for those who read me. Mainly for my sabolaw fics, which are meant to be fun and lighthearted... but that doesn't mean I want an AI taking up my time invested in my most personal hobby. The fun of creating fanfics is precisely writing what you imagine and sharing it. Using AI to "create" a fanfic takes all the fun out of it. At least for me.

#ao3 writer#ao3 fanfic#ao3 author#ao3 link#ao3 sabolaw#sabolaw one piece#sabolaw#law x sabo one piece#law x sabo#lawbo#fanfic writing#my fanfiction#fanfics#fanfic español#fanfic en español#fanfic#ao3 fic#my fics#my fic writing#law trafalgar#sabo one piece#one piece#one piece fic#one piece fanfiction#archive of our own#notice to my readers#one piece community#one piece shipping#cfyo#sabo x law
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i've threatened to post yet another sotr opinion, so here i go: lenore dove is a great and valuable character, but her romantic entanglement with haymitch felt completely unnecessary and tacked on. there was something about the two of them that kept bothering me as i read, but i think i was Feeling Everything Too Much to stop and pick things apart. having sat down and dissected my thoughts with bestie though, i've identified my four biggest gripes; their relationship is (a) repetitive, (b) useless, (c) clashes with the core themes of the story, and (d) undercooked.
(a) the main trilogy does "dystopia with a sprinkle of romance" perfectly (though i've certainly debated the inclusion of romance before, i'll pretend i don't hold those stances for the purposes of this post.) romance here is both useful in the sense of giving us a feel for who each character is wrt their view of it and, in general, is as good a vehicle for character development as any (especially given that we're dealing with teenagers here.) in tbosas, the romance takes a much darker and more twisted turn, though it plays a similar role—it illustrates the rottenness-to-the-core of president snow. neither the trilogy nor tbosas would be the same if the focal relationships were to be taken out, they're absolutely integral to both arcs. and yet... it gets to a point. is there not another means of accomplishing everything above? is there not another way to explore the characters' personalities, motives, values, etc.? can't they have a different driving force? wouldn't it have been perhaps smarter and, arguably, more fun to go beyond what's expected of a book within the ya genre?
(b) tying into what i've hinted at in the above paragraph—the four books that came before sotr all depended upon their focal romances to drive the story forward & hammer the point in. sure, we could've gotten a glimpse of snow's cycle path mind by other means—there was sejanus, there was dean highbottom, there were others who snow has fucked over in pursuit of his own ends. but nothing could've quite captured his rancidness, i think, that the way his obsession and attempted possession of lucy grey did. we're all familiar with villains who miraculously change around that one person, who dote on their specialest little boy/girl, yet that wasn't the case here. snow's [redacted] for lucy grey did not absolve him, did not change him, did not halt him in becoming who we know him to be at a rapid pace. as for the romance in thg, i don't think i can say anything that hasn't already been said before & much better besides. the girl on fire and the boy with the bread, we all know how that went. we all know what their love for one another made happen. & with that in mind, what did lenore dove and haymitch's romance accomplish? what did it do? did it alter the trajectory of either of their lives? ...no. did it change anything? ...no. would the story have been 100% the same if they'd only been friends? ...yes. would the story have been 100% the same if lenore dove had, god forbid, not even existed? ...yes. "oh but nico, why must a relationship be useful? why must it serve a purpose? can't we simply be in love?" why, yes! in real life! unfortunately, this is a story, and at that one where every single detail matters. every detail must serve a larger purpose, or else its value is automatically diminished (prime example.) and at times, i'd argue the value of the entire work may be diminished by the inclusion of an extraneous, frivolous plot point (though i wouldn't go that far here.)
(c) perhaps the most offensive aspect of the whole thing—its existence alone completely clashes with, in my view, one of the core themes of the book: friendship. sotr speaks of the biggest in-game alliance between the tributes thus far (and ever since.) again and again it emphasizes the "kad se male ruke slože" of it all (roughly, "many hands make light work.") unlike the tributes in katniss' time, they all approach each other. they talk. they make promises. haymitch isn't afraid to ally with louella on the train, and it doesn't take much at all for him to see loulou—a girl who is no one to him, nothing—as something precious to protect. not to mention ampert (no really, i won't, i'll get upset.) his and maysilee's entire arc is so, so beautiful and touching—his perception changing, the admission he had been wrong about her, the journey from refusing to ally, to doing so begrudgingly, to calling her a friend and a sister. even wyatt found his place in haymitch's heart. friends, friends, friends, it's all about friends. haymitch in the present timeline could've been that sad lonely drunk wreck just as believably after losing them. just as believably if lenore dove had been his friend (i hesitate to say only a friend—a friend can't ever be only.) haymitch has really lost so much, so many, and there is something about the pedestal lenore dove is put on—when it comes to these losses—that i can't get behind. would he have been any different, really, if she'd been spared? would all that misfortune not find him if she had been spared? no. no, i don't think so. therefore... two plus two.
(d) and finally, the total nail in the coffin—it wasn't even that good. we're thrown in medias res of their romance & we're meant to take suzanne's word for it. we're meant to do this from the get-go and throughout, because—in a book that can be summed up as So Much, All The Time—there was really not a moment to spare for haymitch and lenore dove. their romance was given no time to develop—and how could it have? how could it have, when the characters were hardly in physical proximity of each other for more than a page and a half total? he fed her the gumdrops and i felt nothing but a passing sadness, because all i could think about was ampert, was maysilee, was wyatt, was loulou, was anyone and everyone whose haymitch gave his all for & still couldn't save. we didn't need this romance subplot to begin with, and it wasn't even good.
#sotr#sunrise on the reaping#haymitch abernathy#lenore dove#thg#the hunger games#the hunger games meta#katniss everdeen#tbosas#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#coriolanus snow#peeta mellark#maysilee donner#thinkpieces#n
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TONGUE TIED
A/N: This is self indulgent yet again all of my fics are self indulgent because what is creativity but an outlet? Requests are open! Please read my guidelines before requesting. Please feel free to ask to become part of the reader fic tag list!
I do not give permission to copy or run my work through AI. Minors DNI
Warnings: none, pure fluff
Word Count: 463 words
Characters: Bucky Barnes x AUDHD!gn!reader
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You sat with the one-armed vet in the common area of the Avenger’s Compound, catching him up to speed on what physical media evolved into. Your eyes were bright and full of curiosity as you spoke with passion and energy.
"Yeah, so DVDs were like one of the best media, and they were so popular!! People made alternative covers to collect; some were shiny or holographic, and some had some really cool textures on the covers or sleeves… And now it's lost its venue... van...val…UGH." You sighed.
You had yet again gotten so excited to the point of getting tongue-tied. You brought your hand up to Bucky's view to finger-spell out the word "value."
Bucky watched your hands carefully for the first time, witnessing you finger-spell in ASL. He quirked an eyebrow, understanding the word after speaking verbally the gibberish you had spoken earlier.
"Since when were you fluent in sign language, and when were you gonna tell me that?" Bucky inquired.
“I dunno.” You shrugged unsure if your mind was going to let you speak a full clear sentence again now..
“I understand, everyone gets tongue tied every once in a while, doll.” He said with a little smirk.
“That’s interesting though. I remember records being wrapped in fancy foil and being sold at a higher price.” He said to ease you of having to speak. You smiled as he started to speak about some of the more valuable things back in his day.
“We used to have collectible or special edition radios. They even had one themed like Captain America back in the day since Steve’s performance for the USO was so popular. A Lot of the profits went to the war efforts. And they were all hand painted as things usually were back in the day.” He stated, thinking back to his best friend.
You nodded as you continued to listen to Bucky speak, just happy he understood what you were trying to say.
“Thank you.” You spoke softly.
“For what, baby?” Bucky had asked you as he had his arm wrapped around your shoulder as you two talked on the couch.
“For being patient with me when I can’t speak. Sometimes I feel like I’m having a stroke when I do that.” You half joked, although your gratitude was pure and honest.
“I don’t have much patience for a lot of things. Especially Sam or Tony, okay maybe some patience for Sam. But for you? I have all of the patience in the world, Y/N.” He spoke with a kiss to your temple.
Bucky could not care less if you had difficulty speaking or fumbled your words occasionally. He often thought it was adorable how thrilled and worked up you would become over your interests.
And if anyone had anything to say about the way you spoke? He would have something to say to them.
#marvel#bucky my beloved#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes drabble#bucky barnes x you#mcu#bucky barnes#autistic!reader
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An interesting essay by Bret Devereaux here on “magic” in Tolkien’s world:
He divides magic into three categories: craft-magic, “wondrous, magical-seeming results borne of the tremendous skill and deep knowledge of the crafters,” but not supernatural in origin (e.g. lembas, elevn-cloaks, blades that glow blue in the presence of orcs; to get technical, Tolkien might say these powers are specifically super natural in the sense of being more natural than the usual world, rather than super atural in the sense of being outside the natural world); spiritual power f the Ainur – essentially, power that is “holy”, though Devereaux does not use that work; and “dark magic” derived directly or at a remove from Morgoth (that is, unholy power, although Devereaux again soes not use that word). The essay is focused on the latter two, amd Devereaux claims that Elves and Dwarves and Men do not have those powers.
I’m not sure about this division. Devereaux does know The Silmarillion (otherwise he would not be talking about Morgoth), although his essay here focuses on The Lord of the Rings and to a lesser degree the Second Age. But in The Silmarillion it is less clear that the basic divide in powrers between elves and Ainur is on the lines that Devereaux lays down here – specifically, when it comes to Finrod in the Leithian. When Finrod first disguises his group as orcs, then engages Sauron in the song-battle, and even when defeated somehow renders Sauron unable to know their identities despite both he and Beren being very recognizable and valuable prisoners, that is clearly some type of “magic” different from elven craft-work. (Lúthien, being part Ainur, doesn’t come into this argument.)
And, come to think of it, there is an example in The Lord of the Rings as well. At the Ford of Bruinen, when Glorfindel confronts the Ringwraiths, Frodo sees him as a figure of shining light; Gandalf later says of Glorfindel that “against both the Seen and the Unseen he has great power”. I remembered it because Devereaux talks about the ‘spiritual’ world as the Unseen in the essay. So that’s another indication that there is not a clear divide in which Ainur have such spuritual power and Elves do not.
Apart from this, the rest of the essay gives a good analysis of the nature of “magic” in The Lord of the Rings and the role of the spoken word in it, although I don’t think it’s quite as direct and 1:1 as Devereaux makes it. (For example, we see Gandalf drive the Ringwraiths away from Faramir, an instance Devereaux does not mention and which does not involve speech.) But the broader point about much of Gandalf’s magic being expressed through prsent-tense statements of truth about the world – “You cannot pass” to the Balrog, “Your staff is broken” to Saruman, “You cannot enter here” to the Witch-king) feels accurate and important. Devereaux says “Speaking seems to be, if not required, a normal part of expressing supernatural power, particularly larger expressions of such power.” He doesn’t follow up on this – he’s a historian, but his focuses are the Roman empire and military history – but it made me think of some of the things @astronicht has said about galdor in The Lord of the Rings. (Frodo and Sam also seem to do something similar in Cirith Ungol, but I’m not sure that detracts from Devereaux’s point – the invocation of Eärendil feels analogous to prayer, rather than exertion of a power that Frodo and Sam possess.)
Anyway, it’s an interesting essay and definitely worth reading.
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do you have any books you'd recommend re: organized abuse? memoir or more general nonfiction... possibly worth noting that what i've read so far of e.g. judith herman (and other ~clinical texts) has not been very off-putting--i just skip the sections that aren't useful for me, lol. also: i always love hearing about the tea you're drinking! 🫖
I'm so glad that you're enjoying my posting about tea!
You've already read Michael Salter, whose book is of course my go-to recommendation for this. While the term organized abuse has been around for decades, Salter has really been the primary one using and advancing it; I personally think it's an extremely useful one, but you're not going to find a ton else using that frame yet.
I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent here. The term organized abuse lets us talk more neutrally and with less political baggage about different manifestations of abuse involving both multiple perpetrators and multiple victims. All the other terms out there for variants on these situations carry with them deeply problematic and obfuscating associations and agendas (in my opinion), and many of those terms also hinge on assumptions about perpetrator intent/motivation, which I think always has issues as a means of categorization, though of course I support survivors using whatever words feel best and more accurate to them to describe their experiences and I think there can be utility to different terms in different settings.
Salter talks really helpfully on his website about his reasons for using the term organized abuse rather than the more popular/well-recognized 'trafficking' or 'exploitation,' and in general I think his blog posts address a lot of important questions about this categorization, including actually directly talking about the ongoing conservative use of organized abuse-related conspiracy theories as a destructive rhetorical tool (grateful that someone is doing this so I don't have to). I also come back to his continuum of control strategies all the time to think through things.
That said, while I really wouldn't recommend most material that uses the term ritual abuse as its categorizing description, I have gotten a lot out of Sara Scott's The Politics and Experience of Ritual Abuse. Scott's book lacks quite the particular theoretical grounding which Salter is able to use so effectively to contextualize his material, and parts of her book feel quite outdated (the chapter on DID in particular), but she's similarly doing in-depth participant research coming from a personal position as a close loved one/caregiver to a survivor, and I appreciate her stance of just listening to survivors' stories and tracking patterns from analytic meaning-making perspective. I do need to reread this one so I can be sure I stand by everything I'm saying here.
Beyond that you get into more overtly clinical texts which pose various significant kinds of problems. I get a lot out of Adah Sachs' work, but it's really densely clinical (much much more so than Herman who does have a general audience in mind) and a rather pointed intervention with very specific psychoanalytic debates about dissociation and attachment; it's not a general exploration of these topics. Harvey Schwartz frequently goes completely off the rails though he has flashes of valuable insight.
I have some issues with Alexandra Stein's Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems but there's some good material there.
There are a lot of complications as far as publication of memoirs of organized abuse, and I'm not really comfortable recommending any of them for a variety of reasons, including that's it's typically unclear to me whether authors would be comfortable using that term to describe their experiences.
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niceys positive anon!! i don't agree with you on everything but you are so clearly like well read and well rounded that you've helped me think through a lot of my own inconsistencies and hypocrises in my own political and social thought, even if i do have slightly different conclusions at times then u (mainly because i believe there's more of a place for idealism and 'mind politics' than u do). anyway this is a preamble to ask if you have recommended reading in the past and if not if you had any recommended reading? there's some obvious like Read Marx but beyond that im always a little lost wading through theory and given you seem well read and i always admire your takes, i wondered about your recs
it's been a while since i've done a big reading list post so--bearing in mind that my specific areas of 'expertise' (i say that in huge quotation marks obvsies i'm just a girlblogger) are imperialism and media studies, here are some books and essays/pamphlets i recommend. the bolded ones are ones that i consider foundational to my politics
BASICS OF MARXISM
friedrich engels, principles of commmunism
friedrich engels, socialism: utopian & scientific
karl marx, the german ideology
karl marx, wage labour & capital
mao zedong, on contradiction
nikolai bukharin, anarchy and scientific communism
rosa luxemburg, reform or revolution?
v.i lenin, left-wing communism: an infantile disorder
v.i. lenin, the state & revolution
v.i. lenin, what is to be done?
IMPERIALISM
aijaz ahmed, iraq, afghanistan, and the imperialism of our time
albert memmi, the colonizer and the colonized
che guevara, on socialism and internationalism (ed. aijaz ahmad)
eduardo galeano, the open veins of latin america
edward said, orientalism
fernando cardoso, dependency and development in latin america
frantz fanon, black skin, white masks
frantz fanon, the wretched of the earth
greg grandin, empire's workshop
kwame nkrumah, neocolonialism, the last stage of imperialism
michael parenti, against empire
naomi klein, the shock doctrine
ruy mauro marini, the dialectics of dependency
v.i. lenin, imperialism: the highest stage of capitalism
vijay prashad, red star over the third world
vincent bevins, the jakarta method
walter rodney, how europe underdeveloped africa
william blum, killing hope
zak cope, divided world divided class
zak cope, the wealth of (some) nations
MEDIA & CULTURAL STUDIES
antonio gramsci, the prison notebooks
ed. mick gidley, representing others: white views of indigenous peoples
ed. stuart hall, representation: cultural representations and signifying pratices
gilles deleuze & felix guattari, capitalism & schizophrenia
jacques derrida, margins of philosophy
jacques derrida, speech and phenomena
michael parenti, inventing reality
michel foucault, disicipline and punish
michel foucault, the archeology of knowledge
natasha schull, addiction by design
nick snricek, platform capitalism
noam chomsky and edward herman, manufacturing consent
regis tove stella, imagining the other
richard sennett and jonathan cobb, the hidden injuries of class
safiya umoja noble, algoriths of oppression
stuart hall, cultural studies 1983: a theoretical history
theodor adorno and max horkheimer, the culture industry
walter benjamin, the work of art in the age of mechanical reproduction
OTHER
angela davis, women, race, and class
anna louise strong, cash and violence in laos and vietnam
anna louise strong, the soviets expected it
anna louise strong, when serfs stood up in tibet
carrie hamilton, sexual revolutions in cuba
chris chitty, sexual hegemony
christian fuchs, theorizing and analysing digital labor
eds. jules joanne gleeson and elle o'rourke, transgender marxism
elaine scarry, the body in pain
jules joanne gleeson, this infamous proposal
michael parenti, blackshirts & reds
paulo freire, pedagogy of the oppressed
peter drucker, warped: gay normality and queer anticapitalism
rosemary hennessy, profit and pleasure
sophie lewis, abolish the family
suzy kim, everyday life in the north korean revolution
walter rodney, the russian revolution: a view from the third world
#ask#avowed inframaterialist reading group#i obviously do not 100% agree with all the points made by and conclusions reached by these works#but i think they are valuable and useful to read
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Mr. Cube I have a question of utmost importance for you as literally the only Magneto main I know of. HOW... DO YOU PLAY HIM. Do you have any tips. I want to look at him.
So You Want To Be Pretty OK As Magneto In Marvel Rivals
(3 March, 2025) a beginner's guide written by your resident magneto main snapperoni because now i get an excuse to talk about marvel rivals magneto extensively and in gross detail
*this guide will be treating you as though you have never used magneto in your life and will go into extreme depths at explaining his abilities as well as what it means to be a tank player. if you feel confident in understanding his abilities, feel free to skip the abilities section and head straight to the bottom for talk on strategy and tips
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
TLDR ROLE INTRODUCTION ABILITIES Melee/Greatsword Primary Fire/Iron Volley Secondary Fire/Mag Cannon Metallic Curtain Metal + Iron Bulwark [TEAM-UP ABILITY] Metallic Fusion [ULTIMATE] Meteor M [PASSIVE] Magnetic Descent TIPS AND STRATEGIES Iron Volley + Mag Cannon Combo Bubble and Shield Usage Two Tanks Are Better Than One Metallic Fusion How to Use Meteor M CLOSING THOUGHTS
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Too Long, Didn't Read:
Magneto is a poke tank meant to be played at medium-to-close range whose priorities should lie in acting as a living wall for his teammates. preserving his abilities mostly for himself yet sharing them when the situation calls for it.
While his priorities should be defense-based, when it comes to going on the offensive you want him to target strategists and duelists and only engage in tanks if the rest of the team is with you. As far as aiming goes, he's very friendly and isn't hitscan reliant, and you should find yourself picking up his aim style easily with time.
He's not a super flashy character like the rest of the cast, but he's far from useless and, at this moment in time, stands as one of Rival's best tank options alongside Doctor Strange and Hulk, whether you're running two tanks or running solo.
Overall, the two-star difficulty he is awarded is very fitting: available to newcomers to pick up and start playing, however offers a little something extra to those with a better understanding of him; he's generally straight forward as far as tanks go, but picking up a few extra tips and tidbits never hurt anyone. Except your enemies, of course.
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Role Introduction: Vanguard/Tank
As a vanguard unit, Magneto's top priority should be taking the brunt of the team's damage on the front line and should give the team either opportunities to push forward, or shoot behind the cover you provide.
With 650HP (without shields), while he has average health for a vanguard, his defensive kit allows him to be a formidable wall when his abilities are used tactfully and you work in tandem with your support/s. Unlike dive tanks like Venom and Captain America, Magneto is much more stationary, and his kit rewards playing defensively and close to the team.
A common misconception with FPS games is that your top priority is to get the most eliminations as possible and to exclusively hunt for the next kill (unless that is the objective of the specific map you're playing on, then kill away). There are several errors with this philosophy: for starters, you begin to neglect the objective, which can lead to a game loss.
The amount of kills you have won't matter if you stay off point and the other team takes the objective. No matter what anyone says, don't stress about your eliminations so long as you know you're protecting your team, securing the point, and overall providing value to the game (though it is important to be able to land a shot....).
Moreover, playing under this philosophy is a sure-fire way to not only get you killed and remove your time away from the field (which should truly be your game philosophy: die as little as possible), but specifically as a tank you'll bring your teammates down with you as they lose what should be a reliable line of defense. As a tank, you should be opening up opportunities for your teammates to get the eliminations and protecting your strategist/support units.
All of that said, tank is not for the passive player: as tank, you need to be firm about the playing field being yours and making sure the enemy team knows they're going to have a hard time taking it from you. Fitting for Magneto, really.
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Ability Review
Before dissecting Magneto's abilities, I will preface and say I calculated his damage using Doctor Strange (600HP) and Scarlet Witch (250HP) as damage dummies. The numbers I have here may not be accurate, so to circumvent this potential error I'll describe how many shots it takes to use a specific skill in order to eliminate certain enemies.
Melee/Greatsword
Attack speed: ~1 second
Damage Output: 40 (About seven swings to KO a 250HP enemy)
Utilizing Doom Bot remains, Magneto swings with a grandiose blade. The problem with this sword is it's not only one of- if not the- slowest melees in the game as of right now, but it has very little to compensate for its poor speed. Should very rarely be used in place of a well-aimed primary fire.
Primary Fire/Iron Volley
Reload time: ~1 Second
Damage Output:
Direct Damage: 80 (About four shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Edge Damage: 40 (About seven shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Fall-Off Damage: 40 (About seven shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Magneto's Iron Volley asks that you lead/predict your shots. Moreover, his Iron Volley will explode automatically once reaching 25M(eters), whether it hits a target or not. At 25M, your shot will no longer do 80 damage, but will do half instead. As noted before, Magneto's primary fire will explode when it comes into contact with a wall, floor, or enemy. As such, the explosion has a small hitbox- doing just about half of a regular, direct shot. Because of this, you shouldn't be too stressed if you're not the greatest at aiming: Magneto's primary fire makes up for any minor imperfections and is rather generous so long as you're in the general area of your target.
Secondary Fire/Mag-Cannon
Reload Time (Without Bulwark Aid):
One Ring: ~4 Seconds
Two Rings: ~8 Seconds
Full Power: ~12 Seconds
Damage Output:
One Ring: 40 (About seven shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Two Rings: 80 (About four shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Three Rings/Full Power: 100 (About three shots to KO a 250HP enemy)
Edge Damage: N/A
Similar to Iron Volley, you will need to lead your shot when firing off a Mag-Cannon. Unlike his primary fire however, Magneto's secondary fire will keep going until it hits a wall or enemy. Moreover, it doesn't suffer any damage fall-off, nor does it offer any edge damage. How many rings you possess show both on Magneto physically, but they can also be tracked by the purple arrows below your crosshair. As a bonus, the Mag-Cannon momentarily stuns and pushes back any targets it hits which can either cancel an enemy's advancement, or open the floor for a follow-up attack.
Metallic Curtain
Recharge Time: 3 Seconds
Replenish-to-Full Time: 10 Seconds
Duration: 1.5 Seconds
Shield HP: N/A
Putting up an impenetrable wall just shy of two seconds allows Magneto and his allies to pull back safely from oncoming damage or provide just enough cover to make an adequate push forward. Not to mention, this indestructible wall scoffs in the face of any ult coming your way. Once the shield has been spent, a white bar will appear on the right side of your crosshair. This bar indicates how long you can hold your shield up the next time you use it before it's fully charged, where then the bar will fade. Finally, you can put your shield down early. While this means you'll have to wait the full three seconds for it to be available again, this means your shield will have more durability the next time you use it.
Metal Bulwark + Iron Bulwark
Recharge Time: 12 seconds
Duration: ~3 Seconds
Shield HP: To be calculated, but it does exist: be cautious of the damage you and your teammates take.
Magneto can spring a magnetic bubble over either himself or an ally. The bubble not only negates any incoming damage and protects allies from Scarlet Witch's Reality Erasure, but once the bubble has popped or faded Magneto will regain some Mag Cannon rings relative to the damage absorbed.
[TEAM-UP ABILITY] Metallic Fusion/Chaos
Recharge Time: 30 seconds
Duration: 10 seconds
Damage Output:
Direct Damage: 100 (About six shots to KO a 600HP enemy)
Edge Damage: N/A
Being his only team-up ability as of writing this post, this father-daughter duo ability allows Magneto to fire at an impressive 100 damage per second as he finally finds use in his otherwise-inadequate greatsword, adding a truly dangerous ability to his typically defensive kit. It's as though every shot taken was a Mag Cannon with a wider hitbox- however this hitbox varies from being vertical or horizontal and thus can be a little unpredictable if you aren't aiming carefully. Is used best at medium-close range, but don't neglect its potential to snipe enemies from across the map.
[ULTIMATE] Meteor M
Duration: 4 Seconds
Magnetic Range:
Lowest to the ground: 30M
Nearest to the skybox: 5M
Damage Output (No Charge):
Edge: 150 (About over half of a 250HP enemy's health bar)
Direct: 300 (About half of a 600HP enemy's health bar)
Damage Threshold Before Explosion: To be calculated, however can be tracked by the counter below the crosshair
Automatically floating into the air, Magneto stays true to his name and acts as a magnet for all incoming projectiles; extracting enemy projectiles to build the power of his metal meteor and granting Magneto the ability to float freely, Magneto's ultimate doubles both as an offensive and defensive ability. You're able to see your magnetic field + blast radius by observing the purple ring on the ground. Remember: you can rise and descend freely so long as your ultimate is up, use this wisely. I affectionately refer to the meteor as "rock", however this ultimate has garnered a reputation for not doing as much as some believe it should. Hopefully this guide helps you in ensuring your meteors make the impact they deserve.
[PASSIVE] Magnetic Descent
Manipulating the magnetic field around him, Magneto decreases his fall speed by 50% when holding the jump button. Nuff said. People have a hard time aiming up in FPS's so if you find yourself with the opportunity to float around a bit (especially using Rocket's jump pack) then by all means terrorize from above as you descend.
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Tips and Strategy
Iron Volley + Mag Cannon Combo
A basic tip, but a valuable one nonetheless. To eliminate an enemy with 250HP- assuming you land all your shots directly- it takes about 3 seconds, four shots. Again, this is assuming you hit all your shots and if the enemy doesn't regenerate any health. Alternatively, utilizing the PRIMARY-SECONDARY-PRIMARY combo allows you to not only stun an opponent with your secondary fire, but it should take nearly half of the time spent then if you only used primary fires, so make sure to use your secondary shots responsibly. Remember that your primary fire has, at max, 25M of utility: afterwards, it won't be able to do much. Fine for picking off low-health enemies while they're fleeing, but don't expect to hit any enemies close to the skybox or far away from you without moving in a little bit first- that's what your secondary fire's for. As Magneto, your targets should be squishy characters like support and DPS. Because of his relatively-slow DPS, Magneto doesn't fair well against other tanks and shouldn't engage in 1v1's if possible (they're not unwinnable, but they could be a great distraction and leave your team vulnerable).
While I'm here, I'm just going to stress to not use your melee. Like. At all. You're much better just using your primary fire. At most you can set it up as Hulk's turning into Bruce if you'd like but that should really be it: your primary fire is much more effective than your sword.
Bubble and Shield Usage
As a tank, you want to act as a wall for your teammates, and this can be done effectively by being more conservative and selfish with your shields: you are the wall. Remember. Draw the enemy's fire towards you by being an irritant. While Magneto is healthy in shields, remember you have natural cover from stage obstacles and structures as well. Magneto can be regarded as a 'poke' tank: a tank who is meant to attack sporadically and in short bursts. He is best played at a medium distance from the enemy front line and to not to be wholly damage focused when he is much more defense focused. 'Poking' the enemy from behind structures is not only a great way to conserve your abilities, but it utilizes Magneto's primary and secondary fires well due to their moderately-slow start up and overall DPS, letting him take cover when need be.
While attacking on the front line, once you notice your health start to dip below half or you feel as though the crowd is about to overwhelm you, raise your Metallic Curtain and step back to give yourself some air. Bubble yourself as a last resort if you still need to back up- be sure to fire your Mag Cannon beforehand so you'll immediately have it replenished if your bubble pops during your escape. It's important to remember Magneto has zero movement abilities and it takes 5 seconds for him to traverse 30M: it doesn't sound too bad, but when there's a large crowd in front of you, you'll wish he could move faster. Don't push too far ahead, and be aware of exits around you.
That being said, be conscious of your teammates. This is a TEAM game after all. We've covered Magneto and Scarlet Witch's team-up ability before and how valuable it is. As a result, you'll need to learn to play well with any Scarlet Witches on your team, and this means having your bubble ready to protect her when she decides to ult (this also means making sure to check the scoreboard occasionally for your teammate's ult charge as well as, again, being ability-conscious of those around you). Only when she's in immediate danger do you bubble her, not before: this ensures the bubble lasts long enough for her to get her ult off (or there's a better chance it'll be executed, anyhow). If you feel as though you won't be able to react fast enough, then you can try to bubble her beforehand; don't stress out about timing the bubble perfectly, just make sure she's protected. In general, bubble your duelists when they're deep in a crowd to give them a chance to escape (but don't stress out about protecting them. After all, there's only so much you can do before you put yourself in danger or use a bubble inappropriately when someone else could have better benefited from it). Besides Wanda, it's naturally best to look after your support units and to make sure they're not being overwhelmed. Don't helicopter them and neglect the rest of the team, but just make sure to check on them every now and then. Ultimately, your bubble priority should be Supports -> Yourself -> Others. After all, your support/s can't help you or the team if they're dead.
Two Tanks Are Better Than One
Magneto has the fortitude to be able to tank by himself comfortably, however the rare days you find yourself partnered up with a second tank, know these are the days you can be more generous with your bubbles and shields to your teammates. Your second tank will help cover with you and should make it easier for you to escape the crowd when need be, so bubble-hogging is less of a necessity. Make sure to help your tank too if they're in a bind and they're out of defenses/movement abilities (but again, not at the detriment of yourself or your supports: once more, Magneto can tank by himself if need be so long as you use your abilities carefully).
Metallic Fusion
It's tempting to want to use Magneto and Scarlet Witch's team-up ability the second you have it, however it's best to save it for crowd control. That being said, once it is active, make the absolute most of it: there's no consequence to holding down the primary fire, so just let loose and go crazy (with reason, of course: don't run in and get yourself killed and don't forget your teammates).
How to Use Meteor M
Someone asked me this midmatch once and I scrambled to come up with an answer. Both because the round was about to start in five seconds but also because I truly didn't know the answer at the time. The longer I've played though, I think I finally have the answer- or a better one besides "spray and pray" at least. As noted before, Meteor M is a fickle ultimate and how you use it is dependent on the situation (many such cases about anything, honestly). At times, you'll want to play higher to the skybox to ensure your meteor doesn't explode immediately. Alternatively, a quick throw of the meteor might do the trick in some situations where it's both safe to build meteor charge close to the ground, and the faster you remove a target/s, the better. This is also dependent on how many projectiles are being thrown out onto the field: if you're in a situation with predominantly melee opponents, it's best to use your meteors to single-out troublesome duelists and supports- there's little chance your meteor's going to exceed 30+ charge in those kinds of matches. Generally, you'll want to use it to counter support ults like Cloak + Dagger and Luna Snow (NOTE: a raw meteor will NOT KO an ulting Luna. You need at least 30+ charge before a direct hit can KO her. Cloak + Dagger can be KO'd from the get-go with a direct hit). Don't be afraid to throw out a meteor if you see a cluster of low health/squishy enemies without any defenses, however. Just remember it's ok to hold onto an ult if it means it gets greater value later on, and that you shouldn't hunt exclusively for team wipes. If you find yourself popping ult and the crowd's dispersed, support units should be your default priority (unless there's a duelist/DPS unit using their ultimate: take them out instead if you can). Initiating Meteor against Punisher's Final Judgement can be tricky if you aren't fast enough, as Frank's ammunition will quickly push your meteor to its limit. If you don't throw your meteor fast enough, you could potentially risk your teammates their lives and waste an ultimate in the process. Use your meteor against Punisher with caution. Similar notes to be said about Star-Lord's Galactic Legend, only now your problem is also throwing at a flying enemy. If he's close enough to your 25M range, I personally would shoot him down with a regular primary/secondary as his DPS isn't nearly as grand as Punisher's and a meteor could be superfluous. Otherwise, focus on getting to cover and protecting your vulnerable teammates. You'll especially want to be wary of enemy tanks and their shields as they'll without a doubt cancel out your ult with ease, more specifically enemy Magneto's and Doctor Stranges. Be cautious that Captain America can deflect your ultimate, though I personally have had minimal trouble with Captains. In general, you should track enemy ability usage, but especially the prior two if you hope to pop your rock soon.
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Closing Thoughts
Ultimately, improving at Marvel Rivals in general comes with time and willingness to acknowledge you're bad at the game sometimes but to not let that stop you from playing who you wanna play, whether you're playing as Magneto or not. While you can do your best to improve your aim in Rivals' practice area, things like game sense are something that can only really be accumulated through experience and playing the game.
Sometimes I watch back old games/moments of mine to figure out where I could've gone wrong to improve next time, but you don't HAVE to do that: just play the game, have fun, and love Magneto.
And throw a rock at every support you see for me okbyethankyouforreading
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Bonus: My Credentials so you can determine if i'm reliable or not. or something.
[PS: every hero Not Mags/Wanda/Adam is purely my brother i swear im loyal]
#marvel rivals#magneto#snap chats#idk how valuable my opinion is i'm just a plat player but like Hey Its Something focus on my hours and trust me vJLAERKEAKJ#hours mean nothing if you dont learn from being balls... whatever... moving on...#i'm not checking this over i'm just throwing it into the wind no one's going to read this anyway#i thought of having more gifs to show stuff but i thought thatd be overdoing it <- this whole post is overdoing it#maybe ill pin this to the top of my blog idk. took a long time to type...#NO ONE'S GONNA READ ALL THAT WHY DID I TYPE ALL THAT#i think ive gotten enough inquiries about My Magneto Playing to finally write a semi-professional guide about it vJELKJAEKL#wrote all of this to get my PhD in Magnetism thats right baby#WHATEVER if you read all of that i love you i'm giving you a box of mochi donuts#if you take anything away from this post uhhhh Please Dont Forget Your Teammates THIS IS A TEAM GAME#ok thank you.... i hope you enjoy my. nonsense#yk im so glad my school group hates me cause i got to spend all day doing this jvLKAKJ#NO TELL ME WHY i try contacting my group last week to ask when we can meet and no one says anythign#and now people getting cross with me for us not meeting sooner... i TRIED NONE OF YALL EVER ANSWER ME#WHATEVER. whatever...#for a mfer just talking about teamwork My Team is making me want to eat gravel#anyway!!!! again if you read All That hope you enjoyed my inisght and input#again this is just from my experience playing magneto and some tank experience from overwatch so#take it how you see fit#if you guys care one of my fave rivals/ow youtubers is flats and he's always got great input for tank players#check him out if you like :)
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I know this is a very unoriginal observation (much like any other), but I'm finally reading The Great Gatsby, and even I wouldn't describe men the way Nick does.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#i did watch the 2013 film for my ap english class though (i think they didn't have enough time left for us to actually read it)#like the way he described tom was very. superfluous in my opinion. something you want to tell the class NICK (joking)#i find myself really partial to the general writing styles of that time though#i haven't even gotten that far in the book either i'm just barely past the part where daisy is introduced#so nick is just waffling about his family history and how he rents for $80/month#which is relatable when you consider inflation. nick i hope you eat you landlord#i can see why people don't like this writing but i am endlessly fascinated by the prose#maybe i should just free myself from the impulse to hide behind layers of self-censorship and live like nick does#tbh tho i still prefer non-fiction and textbooks BUT fiction is valuable and is useful#fiction is like play - it lets you explore different possibilities and thought in a safe environment
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"Well, I'm just a boring ex-prince who's only hobbies include reading and gardening...Not like I'm very excited outside of having wings and being the size of your hand" he shrugs, "I think you are fine. And I love soup, so we have one thing in common so far. My mother didn't cook much, but when she did, it was always soup when I was sick growing up." He also ate soup other times, but when he was sick, he remembered it more fondly. "I wish I could help...back home..we had money...never used it for much...just our people...and we always had extra..I never spent it on myself..I feel mad that I was never selfish while I had the chance...If I could go back...I'd take as much as I could...it may not be valuable here...but it's metal..it could be melted down...worth something.." he tilts his head. "Could I meet your mother someday? Maybe meeting a bratty little faerie could cheer her up. It seemed to make you happy...you seemed cold and scary at first...you warmed up to me fast..." he thinks for a moment. "Can we start a garden? We can get window boxes....I saw some when I first landed in this realm...we can plant veggies...inside we can grow flowers and plants...add some color to this..." he motions to the apartment..."I just...miss my garden back home...so much.." he sighs softly.
Forever and Always - @baeyoungsoo *CLOSED RP*
Yoru was a prince, that word felt like a stab to the heart….was…he no longer held that title and it made his heart break in two. His family had been dethroned and he was banished, he had fought back and something went entirely wrong, he couldn't figure out where he was, it was a strange place full of giants, not the giants he was used to but giants with weird clothing and the buildings looked odd and the smells everywhere reeked of chemicals. He could hardly fly he was weak his wings struggled to lift him, and he had no clothes as they disintegrated in the journey between realms. His body had scrapes and bruises from the rough landing and he was worried he'd starve or freeze to death but luckily he would either be killed by a giant footstep or an animal ripping him limb from limb and his pain would end soon. Delirious from hunger he finally managed to fly and quickly headed in the direction that gave off the best smells he had smelled the entire time he was in this realm, it was warm and meaty and made his mouth water but he couldn't find the source and this enraged him. He sighed heavily and found a place to sit on the windowsill of a random building, he felt warmth from the window and it was enough to keep him from freezing to death, he eventually leaned against the side and closed his eyes "May death be kinder than this realm could ever be.." he mumbled to himself.
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i did not think it was possible for this game to be more direct in its critique of child protective services/social workers as ineffectual systems but ryukishi07 has more to say. respect
#(i’m evoking cps generally here i’m sure it works differently between the us and japan#frogs.txt#higurashi liveblogging#sometimes this game reads like a psa to kids in difficult circumstances and i think thats rlly important & valuable#even if it hits slightly less hard for me
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I’m getting so good at holding hands. Not to brag but I love holding hands. My hand only gets a little moderately sweaty when I do so. I’m so good at it.
#for real I see so much more confident and comfortable being physically intimate with my classmate which yes just means hand holding and#hugging right now mostly. but like before he left today I gave him a. lot of hugs and kissed him on the cheek and I didn’t want to let go.#we walked laps around the park today holding hands and I didn’t trips and I even let myself brush his wrist with my other hand as we did so#tomorrow I think I’ll stop by his house since his family is away. I think we’ll sit on the couch together. I’m excited lol.#I checked out Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski from the library and started reading it this morning. since I know nothing about intimacy#and it’s clearly an issue for me and I must say. even just to chapter 3. it’s been incredibly illuminating. I am learning a lot. it’s quite#readable and I find the information useful and novel. the only issue is one I have with a lot of relationship help books this far and#that’s that they assume one has had relationships and sex before. there are some self evaluations that I can’t do because I’ve never been#physically intimate with another person. but the rest of the information is quite valuable. I do feel better about acknowledging and acce#accepting my own desires. they aren’t embarrassing and I trust my boyfriend not to find me weird or gross or soemthing
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the other significant others is a book about how amatonormativity-sorry, compulsory coupledom-sucks for everyone and we can do better if we dare to try. I think it is pretty well done and i know it's sorely needed. it has incredible mainstream accessibility and I genuinely hope people read it and the ideas circulate more broadly. but it drives me a little insane that aromantics get thrown into just one list in the intro and then the book seems reluctant to truly acknowledge that some people genuinely don't even want a romantic relationship and that's ok. anyway, the book tells a series of stories about various platonic life partnerships. it weaves in history about changing friendship and marriage norms and facts about modern relationships and how they might not fit our assumptions. the last chapter even dives into some really exciting legal reforms that could address amatonormativity! sorry. compulsory coupledom. anyway. I recommend this book for like....your allo cishet friend or like, your mom or something
#i can't really explain why it irks me so much that the book chooses to stick with compulsory coupledom over amatonormativity as a term#except that I'm used to seeing aros use amatonormativity so it feels like a slight to have it only acknowledged in an endnote#That's petty I guess but what's not petty is wanting an aro voice. One ace person does not suffice on this topic#Like did we really need the celibate gay conservative pastor chapter that bad instead? the right isn't gonna support anything substantive#Anyway I do think it's a good book on the whole and it does have a lot of valuable queer perspectives#It just annoys me in that very particular way that only something you want to love can. Fundamentally we are on the same side here#It's probably very validating for many to see I just personally am bad at reading things I already know about#But chapter 8 is really good it gets into legal benefits stuff finally and was my favorite part by far
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My prediction is that Cucurucho is trying to take down the Federation from the inside. And post.
#i thought there was something weird with Cellbit's logic#i was just watching back on Jaiden's last stream#cellbit insisted that they had him get rid of the information for them#but the thing that rubs me the wrong way is that. information is a very ver#*very powerful thing. and if they hadn't told Cellbit about it he wouldn't have found it in the first place#so sure. he no longer has all the actual logs. but he's read it. and they know cellbit will talk. they willingly let him access the most-#valuable if things: information about the federation#you wouldn't do that if you were trying to keep up the illusion of invulnerability the Federation seems to try and maintain#so i think there's much more to it than the Federation just using him to do their work#it seems way too messy for an organisation striving for perfection#rambles rambles rambles
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Is there like 'become a human being' intensive career therapy or smth like that or is that something Ronald Raegan un-invented
#like the idea that you're put into a dorm-ish setting and taught standard life skills that schools and parents stopped teaching a decade ago#and gives you a job or put into a temp agency program or smth#I want and need a job so bad but I have no fucking clue how to navigate life since I wasn't let to most of the time#if this does exist there's a zero % chance it exists in the US because it haaaates people learning how to live#just so tired and lost and always thinking back to like..#6th grade reading teacher fucking hated me and tried to push me to get a work-program thru school instead of staying in school#that would've been so much more valuable to me than 'stay in college get high pay job have our grandkids!!!!' vague plan set tor me#i'm losing it gamers I just want to feel okay again#vent but also cry for actual help
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I'm not sure how weird of a question it would be to ask, or if it's one i should ask, but if you could choose to hallucinate one of them again without any kind of drawbacks just to talk with them, would you? And who would you talk to?
Not a weird question at all, and it's one I've actually asked myself a lot over the years! If I were able to hallucinate one of my old Brain Roommates™️ again, but without the intense anxiety that is required for me to hallucinate in the first place or the actual damage to my brain that hallucinations do, I'd be very, very interested in it. However, my answer for who I would speak to in this hypothetical scenario has changed throughout the years.
Originally, I wanted to talk to the Black Clock. He was the most consistently distressing hallucination, and was a sort of manifestation of my intense perfectionism and high standards for myself. I wanted to ask him if I was enough. It was a question that haunted me for years, and either answer scared me. If I was enough, then that meant I wasn't living up to my potential and that I was "sinful, irredeemable filth" according to the script I told myself back then. If I wasn't enough, then I didn't deserve anything good and I was an active blight on all that I loved, somehow. Nowadays I don't have anything to say to him. I'm enough for myself and I'm enough for God. The opinion of some misfiring synapses doesn't matter.
After that, I wanted to speak to the Red Woman. She expressed remorse after I found my first set of medications that partially stopped me from hallucinating, and she apologized for what she put me through and told me goodbye. I held her the night I took those medications while she cried and said she was scared to die. I never saw or heard from her again, at least as a hallucination. I wanted to tell her I forgave her and that I hoped she was okay, wherever she was. I don't have that same anxiety over the speculative mortality of the voices in my head anymore, so I wouldn't say I would want to talk to her again. There's not much point to it in my eyes. She hurt me and said she was sorry. That's a full sentence. I don't need to open it up for anything else.
Later on, I wanted to talk to the Lime Hands because, in a very bizarre exchange, he expressed to me he was depressed and didn't want to exist. I wanted to see if he was feeling any better, as strange as it was to ask that of a hallucination. Now, though, I hate that freak and make no apologies for what the dang thing put me through, and the only way I'd want to reunite with him is in some wonderland scenario where I could tangibly interact with him. And that's only because I'm punching that sucker's teeth in and breaking his pinky fingers.
As for the present day answer: If I were to choose any of my hallucinations to speak to without consequence, I think I'd like to speak to Doc Brown, or the Marigold Girl.
Doc Brown was the most cordial of the hallucinations and actually stepped in to advocate for me on occasion when the pain was really bad. I liked him a lot. He was a friend to me when I had very few people to talk to. We joked together and he gave me advice and words of comfort during some of the worst nights of my life. I think it'd be fun, in a very surreal way, to catch up with him— ask him how he's doing, how he's been, if he and the Marigold Girl are still buddies and if the Red Woman and him ever got over the hump of their flirtatious hatred for each other and actually became an item. It'd be a nice little send off to the guy. He was one of the first hallucinations I stopped experiencing, and his disappearance was very abrupt. I'd like to be able to say goodbye properly, thank him for his help, and smile and kindly say I hope I never see him again.
(also, the guy's whole shtick was anxiety over disease / contamination and the possibility of me infecting others with whatever bug I caught at the time. I stopped hallucinating him WAY before 2020 and I think he would lose his mind if I told him about COVID-19. That was his time to shine and he missed it. Poor thing.)
The Marigold Girl was a very difficult figure for me to handle when I was hallucinating. On the one hand, she was a lovely, if somewhat unsettling, little girl. She liked it when I read books and explained the plots to her. She always wanted to be held. She was scared of the dark. She adored my stuffed animals and would whisper to them while I was trying to sleep. I enjoyed being around her for the most part, but she was a very weepy hallucination, and the Black Clock would deal out punishment without fail whenever she cried— it was always my fault somehow, and so I suffered the consequences of her being a bit of a crybaby.
Looking back, I feel bad for her. She was a good kid, or at least as good of a kid as an unhealthy cocktail of neurochemicals in a weary brain can be. She once said she didn't want to cry all the time and wished she knew how to stop because I got in trouble because of it. I think it would be nice to comfort her and tell her it wasn't her fault that I'd be hurt. She couldn't control things anymore than I could back then.
I'd really like to show her the new stuffed animals I've collected over the years and read her one of the short stories I've written. I think she'd like Winter Came and Went if she didn't have to worry about the consequences of crying during the sad parts. She'd definitely enjoy Bibbidy Bee Goes to the Library. If possible, I'd like to ask what her favorite color is. I think she'd have a lot of fun answering, and I'd like being able to get to know this part of my psyche that was scared to let herself show any sadness for fear of hurting others with it.
#this was a very lovely ask#thank you for sending it in!#i really enjoyed reading it and writing out an answer for it#it was nice to reflect on the experiences I've had#ultimately if i were to be given this opportunity i would want to use it for closure#certain hallucinations already had a sort of “concluding” interaction with me#and those endings were satisfying enough for me to feel like i don't have anything left to say to or hear from them#but with those last two hallucinations i mentioned— they were there one day#and they were gone the next.#add onto that the fact that I'd actually LIKE to hear their voices again and i think it'd be a valuable experience if it ever happened#unlike the Black Clock and Lime Hands. stay gone ya dumb jerks.#thanks again for the ask!#alright I said I was going to bed before#now I’m REALLY going to bed.#promise.#(nobody cross-examine my Pokémon Sleep data.)#schizophrenia#schizophrenic#psychosis#sofie answers asks#sofie says stuff
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