#but i think its funny when there's an excessive amount

[figgiun]

id in alt

hanging out with some good cows : ) hey wait martin what's going on over there/???? is there something,,, in the sky??? weird. anyway wanna go frolick

bonus emo cow

[erensfeed]

winter & christmas moments | hcs

featuring. rafayel, sylus, zayne, xavier & caleb + reader

content. fluff + random things they’d do during xmas/winter as your bf

note. happy holidays !! pls i wrote this to cope with how i feel about them not being under my tree this year and most importantly.. under ME.

i don’t wanna talk ab it.

rafayel.

buys a big cozy house in paris just to spend the holidays together privately with you.

when it would be time to open up your gifts, he would watch your reactions to his christmas presents all through.

i’m talking studying your micro-expressions.

gets you this rare gorgeous heart shaped locket

“i also got a tiiny photo of us in there too. see? that way, when you open and close it… we’re kissing.”

gently takes it from your hand to show you, as he opens and closes it many many times with this excited look across his face.

eyes and plans to burn each and every gift to you by everyone else though. especially the ones by thomas.

and does.

because he felt your reaction to thomas’ gift was way better than his

when you’d eventually find out (again)…

“hey what don’t take his side, it’s his fault for getting you flammable gifts in the first place”

you’d make him promise to gift him back money in return and he would be all grumpy pouty about it but still does so

ends up re-buying you all the gifts he burnt, so it feels like they're all from him and were all his idea first.

anyway, you’d spend christmas indoors this year because your company is all he needs and by the fireplace, you would share your warmth with him in more ways than one..

sylus.

flies you out to your favorite snowy country, where you’d come to find out that he secretly bought a house near its snowy mountains just for you.

decorates your huge christmas tree with you and carries you (and uses his evol to), to help you place an angel on top of it.

“cute.”

“ikr omg” you’d say

he was talking about you

you’d think you would’ve at least seen/guessed all the unwrapped gifts he got you under the tree 

no

here comes more ON christmas day AND the day after. and the week. and the month

up until new years. and valentines. and—

would gift you all you talked ab like once. specially gets you stunning (garnet) jewelries and more in your favorite gemstones

you’d somehow convince him to wear this big floofy matching christmas polar bear onesie with you btw

tells you he ‘doesn’t do cheesy’

matches with you anyway

tucked diamond earrings in the pocket of your onesie just to see your reaction when you find it.

surprises you with a private winter concert performed by a band

you’d try to pull him to dance with you in the snow and he would purposely stay rooted in his spot at first, just to see you struggle to pull him with all your might before he complies with a chuckle.

yes you'd both be wearing your onesies as he dances sweetly with you.

knows how much you LOVE the holidays so he makes it worth remembering

yeah you take that as you will too

zayne.

wakes up earlier than you to quietly add more decorations to the entire apartment by himself while you’re asleep, so that you wake up to fairy lights and your favorite seasonal flower

“omg zayne, you… you did all this? for me?”

“yes.”

LMAOO SORRY ITS SO FUNNY FOR NO REASON WHENEVER I REMEMBER THAT HE

ok

says yes as he comes up to you to kiss your forehead

“merry christmas:)”

keeps a detailed list of your favorite winter activities to do in his pocket

and lots of candy canes & peppermint candies too when you go out together

would take you to a private snow resort and he’d try to teach you how to snowboard

looks even hotter on a snowboard

hot when on a snowboard

hot

when on

a snowboard

makes you hot chocolate drinks with smiley faces marshmallows as you watch your favorite christmas movies.

xavier.

admires you as you bake cookies until you ask him to try making a batch after watching you. 

he successfully does… until he adds an excessive amount of much sugar

gives you the exact same look he does when he loses a plushie LMFAOOO

“… i think i added a little too much.”

is a pro at building gingerbread houses

eats all the gingerbread men

“idk what happened.. i tried to save them but a christmas ghost ate them all before i could”

adorable thoughtful gift giver

stared jeremiah DOWN when he handed you his own gift and flowers

felt the need to tell you he gave jeremiah the idea to gift you those.

THAT BOY IS LYINGG

gives you a very festive night that same day (week)

whispers soft promises of forever while the snowflakes fall

possessive freaky xavier yum

#needthat

caleb.

wears a santa hat as he’s wrapping gifts for everyone you both know

“caleb what are you doing to that poor wrapping paper” you’d ask

“hey what i thought it looked good :(”

“it doesn’t”

ok it does if you squint hard enough

(if you close your eyes)

gets you matching gorgeous ugly christmas sweaters for when you go out together in it.

“we’re not wearing that”

you wear it.

helps the elderly you come across cross the street and wishes them merry christmas / happy holidays

purposefully steps under every mistletoe to get a kiss from you

“coome on pipsqueak ;) bring it in”

takes you ice skating

loves when you cling onto him so you don’t fall.

kisses all over your face to make you laugh after a deep sad/meaningful convo ab life after talking about nothing and everything under the stars while sharing a big scarf together

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons ..!

warnings : literally none, perfectly sfw 😍😍

content: loser!ellie x reader, more ellie-focused than relationship focused (sorryyyy 😞😞)

authors note: i’ve literally never done headcanons omg 😓 this is js my random ramblings 🔥🔥🔥

pt. 2 ! taglist!!!! masterlist!!

- send you an excessive amount of reels. every 5 seconds. cute cats, random facts about space, stuff she thinks is funny, it all goes to you.

- definitely had a “rock collection” when she was little, but she was so ???? excessive with it??? like every time she saw a rock she picked it up. she walked so weird bc her pockets were just FULL OF ROCKS.

- also, was literally the grimiest kid ever. playing in ROLLING IN the mud, going snail hunting when it rained!!! she was the kid that would go in the bushes and mess w rolly pollies all the time for NO REASON.

- is weirdly good at fishing?? joel took her all the time, and shes a self proclaimed “fishing master”

- WAYYY clumsy. always running into a wall, tripping on air, or missing steps on the stairs (smh its cuz of that damn phone 😒😒)

- im so into the whole “adam sandler” fits cuz its so true. esp during the summer, its some stupid t shirt that says “master baiter” and a pair of old basketball shorts.

- speaking of t shirts, she’s def the type to own an absurd amount of dumb t shirts.

- gets all her clothes from like, walmart and goodwill. she does not CARE!!!

- cuts her own hair too 🤞🏽🤞🏽 shes soooo self sufficient 😍😍😍

- bites. she is such a biter.

- speaking of, i feel like she js has to have something in her mouth constantly. gum, random pieces of plastic, bottle caps, pens, anything 😞

- speaking of mouths (wow sierra so many connections!!!) she def had braces , but she hates wearing her retainer so her teeth are like ever-so-slightly fucked up

- is AMAZING at committing to the bit. she will drag it for DAYSSS if you don’t tell her to stop. once did a (awful) british accent for 4 days until you threw something at her and told her to shut the fuck up

- definitely not shy, just kind of…odd. she’ll talk to anyone that talks to her, she just doesn’t really approach people.

- weird obsession with pickles. has a pickle stuffed animal with a mustache and glasses that she bought from goodwill

- hangs up so much stuff on her walls!!!! tickets, old notes, cards, pictures of people, drawings, old tickets, literally anything she thinks looks cool

- obsessed with rollercoasters!!! she took you to the fair for your first date

- also like- very good at fair games. she’s so cocky about it too, you’ll go home with like 20 stuffed animals she won for you and she’ll carry ALL OF THEM with the stupidest smile on her face

- wears all of joels old contractor-workwear clothes during the colder months

- trys so hard to be “mysterious” but she’s never actually doing anything so she just does stuff like not telling you what movie she’s watching or what she’s eating

- also just texts you 24-7!!! like every time she’s doing something she’s like “i made a quesadilla” “i went to the store” “i took a shower” she just looooves keeping you updated

- tries to raise one eyebrow but ends up just squinting one eye. so funny 😞😞

- really good at solving rubix cubes???

- definitely had a fuck ass bob at one point

- GLASSES. that is all. glasses.

- listens to so much dad rock, midwest emo, indie, she LOVES male manipulator music!! but like she isn’t like thatttt shes so niceeee 😞😞

- mostly calls you babe/baby, she’ll call you really dumb pet names as a joke like “pookie” 😭😭

[2celestial]

in which ellie stands in line for a jellycat with the love of her life

listen to dream by salvia palth for the vibe if you wanna :)

“so they’re cosplaying.”

“no.”

her emerald eyes crinkle shut with a laugh that forced a smile on my face too, me shoving her gently with my body while i fight the urge.

exasperatingly fighting for my life to explain the importance of jellycat stuffed animals and the process while we wait in 12 degree weather and a two hour line in rockefeller was not on ellie’s bucket list for christmas eve activities.

however, making me happy was. case closed.

“it’s not funny. this is serious.”

her laughter subsides to a playful smile as she nudges me back, eyes playful and teasing.

“baby. these grown ass adults put a stuffed animal in a frying pan and pretend to cook it and that’s not basically what cosplaying is?

i huff, swiping a stray hair away from my wind chapped cheek, readjusting ellie’s beanie that sat atop of my head, because i’m ’too cute to be cold.’

“look, it’s not what you think.”

ellie snickers, wrapping her arm snugly around my waist, pulling me closer as my head found its usual place in between her shoulder and her neck. i kiss the skin softly before nestling closer, my eyes scanning the crowd anxiously as we haven’t moved much in the hour we’ve been standing here.

“mm. i believe you then. are you excited?”

her soft voice vibrates against my cheek, her gloved hand locking with mine. i use my other hand to grab her bicep and pull her impossibly closer as she leans down to place a tender kiss to my snow filled hair. i nod enthusiastically from my resting place, squeezing her hand.

“i can’t believe you came out here for me.”

“i’d go anywhere for you.”

her rebuttal was quick and effortless, having zero second thoughts. i felt her eyes staring down at me, my intuition proven right when i peered up at her and met them, her irises gleaming with warmth and sincerity.

my heart melts as i couldn’t fight the smile any longer, my cheeks warm and stomach in knots. i place both palms on either freckled cheek, tugging her in for soft and gentle kiss.

“i love you, merry christmas.”

she leans into my palm that still rested on her warm skin, her hand cupping it while the other brushed a stray curl behind my ear before resting on my hip, allowing her eyes to close for a moment, soaking up the memory.

“i love you, princess. merry christmas.”

her eyes fluttered open once more as i placed one more ghost of a kiss on her cheek before taking my place back into her side and coddled into her shoulder.

“what jellycat are you going to get?” her hand finds mine once more as i find her bicep once again, humming in thought at her question.

“hmm. probably the pancake.”

“why’s that?” her voice rasped, the wind getting more crass as the sun disappears further down.

“reminds me of you,” i shrug nonchalantly, the air visible as we spoke reminding me just how much of a sacrifice this was for ellie, she hates the cold.

‘ellie are you sure?’ i asked several times when she surprised me with the opportunity on christmas eve, thrilled but not wanting to inconvenience her.

‘absolutely.’ she’d beam everytime i’d doubt, even going as far as to have the busiest times already sorted so we wouldn’t have to wait an excessive amount of time, fearful of me getting sick.

she’s my everything.

“yeah?” her accent brings me out of my thoughts, her smirk visible in her tone. “is it because i’m such a sweet girlfriend?”

“no,” i faux a moment of pause so i could ‘think’, already preparing for her retaliation. “it has a big head like you.”

“oh you’re shitting me.”

she ‘ignored’ me for a while, holding her ground until i had the box in my arms, my wide eyes and excited, over dramatic reenactment making her cave, ‘yeah?’ & ‘i know right’ all the way home in between all of my details of the entire experience, ellie knowing i’d never live it down.

instantly she forgot about her silent treatment and gloated with me the entire way, even admitting the experience was cool and worth the wait, even though at first she’d claim she’d never admit it. though i’m not surprised, after all, ellie would do anything for those she loves.

she’d do anything for me.

thought i’d do something a little self indulgent to combat my seasonal depression

besides, ellie would be a jellycat fan idc. merry christmas to those who celebrate, and happy holidays to others. <3

[a-concert-just-for-me]

🆘 ATTENTION ALL TUMBLR USERS‼️‼️‼️

I hate to have to make this callout post, but I’ve turned a blind eye 👁️ to this matter for 🕰️ far too long. I can no longer 🚫 in good conscience keep this to myself ☝️ anymore You all 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 need to know this information to keep you 🫵 and your 🫵 🚸 family safe.

@for-those-who-wait, or “Austin,” is a ☢️ dangerous ⚠️ human being 👤 I don’t say that🪶 lightly. I hope that after reading 📖 this post, you 🫵 will be informed 🧠 of his transgressions 🔍 📋 and even help me at the end 🎬 by signing ✍️ my petition 🗳️ that calls for justice 🏛️👩‍⚖️ for all of Austin’s victims…😭🚔✅

I bet 🎰 there’s tons hidden 🙈 under the👇🕳️ surface, but here are all the 👮 crimes I ☝️ PERSONALLY know 🧠 of:

He writes in 10 pt 🔟 🫵 Ariel 🧜‍♀️ font as if he thinks 🧐 everyone can see 👀 that well. Inaccessible much? 🤓❓I think 💭 yes ✅

He skins 😧 sweet tart ropes 🍬🪢alive…😢 PETA 🐕‍🦺 🐩🚨 has already been informed, don’t worry 📞🆗😮‍💨

He refuses 🙅‍♀️❌ to share his tea with ants #ant racism 🐜🧋

He makes fun 🥸 of people [me 🙋‍♀️😕] who eat an excessive amount of sour cream 🥺 This is messed up because some people 👧🏻👧🏽👧 must eat 🉐 🥣 what normies might consider “too much” sour cream as part of their 👩🏾‍⚕️ doctor-prescribed 💊 2,000,000 calorie daily 📅 🔁 dairy 🐮 requirement 🥛 It’s so wild to me that he thinks this nutritional burden is 🤡 FUNNY…

He wears Crocs 🐊🩴 to public events in which he is a 🗣️🔊speaker…Absolutely unprofessional!!! 👨‍💼😵

He desecrates the 🪦 graves of cows🐄 by putting French fries 🍟on top🔝 of his burger 🍔 patties…and only TWO 2️⃣✌️of them, at that. If you’re going to be 🙄 rude, at least COMMIT! 😭

He body shames his cat 🐈‍⬛ by calling her ⚖️ fat :(

He will not invest in scissors ✂️ Instead, he uses knives 🔪🔪🔪 to cut ➗ things, which 📈 increases his chances 🎲 of a preventable injury 🤕🚑🚨ten-fold. Our 🏥 ⚕️healthcare system is overloaded as it is. Selfish‼️‼️‼️

He leaves 💎 Bejeweled 💎 running 🏃‍♂️in the background of his 💻 laptop, tricking countless people into 🤨 thinking 💭 he’s beating an 🏋️‍♂️ endurance ⏱️ world record (when he’s NOT!) ❌❌❌ He’s overtaking Dream (🙂) as the world’s 🌎 most notorious game world record FAKER!

He regularly writes 🧑‍💻 and draws ✍️ Hunter Theowlhouse in unfathomably 🤕 traumatic situations, which is awful 😭 on its own, but he ⚠️ ALSO ⚠️ appropriates wolf 🐺 culture 🐺‼️ by writing werewolf Hunter without 😵 consulting any members of the wolf community to ☑️ check his accuracy 🎯Just another white man🧍‍♂️appropriating a culture that’s not his 😡

[class1akids]

I know salty stans always claim that the author has a personal grudge against their favorite character, but do you think that's genuinely the case with Dabi? Because at this point its clearly apparent that Horikoshi is Endeavor's #1 glazer and everyone know how much Endeavor's glazers hate Dabi, which is the only explanation I could come up as to why Horikoshi is paying dust to one of the series most prominent and popular characters.

Like other characters were also done dirty don't get me wrong, but he at least handled those characters with some type of dignity and it never felt like he went out of his way to purposely exclude them or minimize their panels-time/impact for no good reason.

I mean comparing Dabi to Toga will leave you in despair, because Toga is clearly one of Hori's biggest favorites (to the point of some creepy attachment to her). This is evidenced by the sheer number of Toga twitter sketches, how the last art exhibition had 2 different Toga art when many characters got nothing. I would also posit that the excessive focus on Uraraka in 431 was less about Ochako and more of Hori wanting to force Toga into the ending.

But also I feel like the attention to Toga is a very "male-gaze" kind of attention, but the exploration of her background is pretty repetitive and how much she's drawn is not really in proportion to the actual impact on the narrative or even exploration of themes.

Unlike Touya - whose backstory is more nuanced with his family acting like actual people making bad decisions and he himself makes some bad decisions - Toga is just a victim of cartoonish paper villain parents who don't matter, having an obsession with blood which than gets retconned into not a real need, etc.

So I don't know if Hori hates Touya or he just doesn't really care about him and wanted to use him for aura. I think it's clear that Hori abandoned the idea of exploring Shouto's and Endeavor's relationship in Act 3 and bring it to forgiveness, probably due to a lot of fan backlash and also just the sheer amount of damage Enji did to Shouto and the lack of any real way to undo any of it.

So he focused instead on Dabi and Endeavor, making "Dabi" unhinged, unlikeable and cruel and then have Endeavor atone for "Dabi's sins" instead of his own crimes against the family, while using "Touya" "to show that "it was all very complex, Endeavor was bad, but also tried, but not hard enough, but it wasn't his fault alone anyway".

I think Touya could have died on the battlefield after a short reconciliation with the family, but he needed to stay alive to give Endeavor his atonement time. I also feel that Hori didn't know where to land the Todoroki family in 426, so he gave them a real wishy-washy ending where nothing really got resolved and then he didn't want to touch it anymore.

I truly feel that this part of the story stressed him out a lot. He was always sick during Todofam chapters, there were short chapters, lot of revision. I think he just wanted a spicy setting and draw funny scenes like Shouto and Natsuo slurping soba at Endeavor, but without realizing and properly planning, he grabbed more than he could really chew. Fans were invested, many people had personal stories that resonated with all of this and it became a very complex and sensitive subject that Hori had no appetite to properly handle or take a stance on.

There may be also some annoyance by Hori that Dabi is the highest ranked villain in the end and despite his best efforts, Toga never reached the same popularity she had during MVA which may cause some malice.

But I think most of it is just simply him not having the writing chops to handle a story like the Todoroki family with gravitas and once 426 was well received (at least in Japan, though still controversial), he didn't want to pick it back up again.

[corvisclouds]

EPIC: The Musical but there's Nothing Supernatural about it Part 1

This has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now, so I finally decided to just post it.

Basically, I was thinking about what EPIC's Odyssey (with a little bit of Homer's Odyssey mixed in) would look like if there was absolutely nothing Supernatural happening and decided to make a funny little plot outline out of it

TW: Minor talk of Drugs, Alcohol and Death

Troy Saga:

The Horse and the Infant: The Trojan war is a normal war between humans with no divine intervention. On the day of the final Battle, a thunder storm is brewing in the distance. When Odysseus climbs the palace, a lightning strike creates a shadow that scares Odysseus. After getting over his shock, he moves deeper into the palace, having heard rumors that Hector's son is supposed to be there. When he opens the door to the room, another lightning strike lights up the crib for a brief moment, which Odysseus takes as a sign from Zeus. He tries to argue, but the totally ordinary thunder storm merely continues to flash it's occasional lightning.

Just A Man/Full Speed Ahead: Nothing changes here

Open Arms: Like in Homer's Odyssey, the Lotus Eaters are men in this version. They're also completely drunk the entire time, as the 'Lotus Fruits' are alcoholic, because they've been on the trees for too long.

Warrior of the Mind: Polites stares confused as Odysseus seems to... argue with an owl? The owl is literally just sleeping in a tree and Odysseus is holding a totally one-sided conversation with it. Did he accidentally take a bite of the fruits while Polites wasn't looking?

Cyclops Saga:

Polyphemus: The cave they find is inhabited by the cannibalistic shepherd Polyphemus, an abnormally tall, muscular man, who lost an eye in a fight with a brown bear. He debated letting Odysseus and his men leave, as they gave him an abundance of wine, but then Odysseus just has to make that joke about his missing eye.

Survive: They fight Polyphemus, until he brings out a Shepherd's Stick (a very skinny club lol) and smashes Polites over the head with it, breaking his skull and killing him. Odysseus is frozen in shock and more of his men get beaten to death with the Shepherd Staff. That is when the excessive amount of alcohol inside the wine finally becomes too much for Polyphemus and he collapses into a drunken slumber.

Remember Them: Odysseus snaps out of his shock and orders his men to sharpen the staff into a spear. This leads to a group of grown men sitting around the blood soaked stick and trying to sharpen it with their giant swords, before stabbing out Polyphemus' remaining eye. They steal the sheep but when they leave the cave, Odysseus spots the owl in a nearby tree. Still fighting with himself between killing the 'Cyclops' and honouring Polites' view on life by choosing mercy, Odysseus impulsively shouts out his name for everyone to hear.

My Goodbye: The owl is back. And of course, Odysseus picks another fight with it. And now that owl is attacking him because he disturbed its nap earlier.

Ocean Saga:

Storm/Luck Runs Out: The storm they get into is completely ordinary. They spot the 'Island in the sky' through thick fog, not noticing the cliff that is connected to it just a bit farther behind.

Keep Your Friends Close: Instead of meeting the Wind God, Odysseus finds an abandoned camp on top of the overhang. He looks around for a bit, coming across a closed but full bag of something, just as the storm begins to lessen. Thinking that him picking up that bag is what made the storm vanish, he takes it back to his ship, telling his men not to open the bag under any circumstances. They end up opening the bag anyway, just as a second storm happens to be brewing above them.

Ruthlessness: They encounter a storm/typhoon that is even worse than the first one, but there's still nothing supernatural to it. Odysseus thinks it's a punishment from Poseidon anyway, remembering that Poseidon is said to have fathered Cyclopses and thinking back to the one-eyed Shepherd. He tries to apologize to the ocean, but it does nothing. Somehow, his ship makes it through, but all the other ships from his fleet are lost in the storm.

Circe Saga:

Puppeteer: They make land on a nearby island to replenish their energy and repair the damage to their ship. While the men are not turned into pigs (Eurylochus was exaggerating a lot), they are indeed drugged by Circe, the leader of the group of women inhabiting this island, who farm pigs as their main source of food.

Wouldn't You Like: The only male that regurarly visits the island without being drugged (not that he doesn't get himself high anyway) is Hermes, a normal human traveler, not a god. He just happens to be around while Odysseus and his remaining men get to the island, and since he loves to mess with people, he gives Odysseus drugs of his own (which he called 'Holy Moly'), claiming that they will help him 'defeat' Circe.

Done For: Circe is wondering who that high man is that just came into her palace, blabbering about her turning his men into pigs. She tries to throw him out of her palace at first, but even drugged out of his mind, Odysseus is still too strong and smart.

There Are Other Ways: They somehow end up in a compromising position. But then Odysseus starts randomly blabbering about his wife.

Underworld Saga:

The Underworld: Still high from the drugs Hermes gave him, Odysseus leads his ship into an ocean cave. Inside, the effects of the drugs slowly start to lessen, giving Odysseus hallucinations of his dead crew blamig him for what happened to them.

No Longer You: Tiresias is a cave-dwelling hermit, who doesn't appreciate his home being invaded by a bunch of high soldiers. In order to get them to leave as quickly as possible, he pretends to be a prophet, listening to what Odysseus wants and then giving him a bullshit prophecy to get him out of his cave.

Monster: Odysseus crashes from his high trip.

[lizzy019]

𝒜𝓇𝑒 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒮𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒲𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝑀𝑒?

Johnny Cade x Fem!Reader [Johnny and Reader are best friends to start]

cw -> loss of v-card, reader is more dominant

Word Count -> 1.5K

Johnny survives here guys!!

After the rumble and under the navy blue skies scattered with stars and clouds, you two walked happily around the neighborhood just to relax.

Johnny had unfortunately received a new cut to his eyebrow, and you’d gently cleaned it with a light amount of hydrogen peroxide and alcohol while keeping it safe from bacteria with a gauze pad before your walk.

You both were lightly chitchatting, smiling and giggling occasionally at any joke or funny thing one of you said to each other.

“I can’t believe it! That rumble was wild, I feel bad for Dally. A chipped tooth? Man, he’s crazy.” You chattered, smiling over at Johnny before you both were walking to your house’s doorstep.

Unlocking it, you teasingly let him in first and act like a gentleman, even if you were a woman.

A small pat to his back was given as a gesture of kindness while you kicked off your shoes and hung up your coat before scurrying off to watch some TV. Unfortunately there was nothing good aside from Looney Tunes, which was tolerable. Better than the news.

Johnny sat down beside you, securing a throw blanket and covering you both under its warmth. While he was tired and obviously not in the mood for anything crazy, he kept stealing glances at your chest, practically drooling.

You were oblivious to it, watching your show and snickering every time Bugs Bunny insulted another character. But of course, the show cut to commercials and you sighed heavily in protest.

You shut off the TV and smiled over at Johnny, unaware of whatever he was doing. But little did you know that he had the biggest thing to tell you, and he had it all planned out.

When you stood, he followed shortly behind. Walking around the halls to find yourself situated in your chambers, you swiftly hopped onto your bed and Johnny followed suit.

This had you giggling, and you relaxed instantly.

“Hey.. I have somethin’ to tell ya. But you gotta promise you won’t be mad at me, yeah?” He asked so softly, so reticently and worriedly that you were sure he was as close to a little puppy as possible.

At his question however, you nodded and smiled, responding with, “You can tell me anything, Johnnycake! I’m not here to judge you.”

This soothed him a bit, but he gently found your hand and took it in his before squeezing it and sighing shakily.

“I dunno how to properly voice this but.. God, I love you, I love you so much. From your smile to your laugh, how kind you are and how beautiful you look, you’re like an angel walkin’ on the face of the Earth. Your eyes are so pretty, I swear, they’re like pools I could drown in. Your hair, so effortlessly gorgeous even when messy or wet. Your body, glorious in every possible way. Baby, I dunno how to say this lightly but.. I want you. I need, no, I crave you. I wanna-” You pressed a finger to his lip to silence his ranting. While it was excessive, it was sweet and he made his feelings known.

“Johnnycake..” You start, stopping only out of nervousness and giving a light giggle to soothe the tension.

“I think I feel the same. Everything about you is amazing, and I love being around you. You’re a wonderful person, and I’d love to spend more time with you other than simple friends.” You responded with a big smile.

This had Johnny stunned, a girl really liked him in that sort of manner?

Without hesitation, he smashed his mouth against your and whimpered into the engendered kiss. It was lovely to finally have your soft and perfect lips against his. Johnny’s mouth tasted faintly of weed and vanilla, a bit minty probably from toothpaste, but you let yourself indulge in his graceful expression of his affections.

His hands were touching everywhere, specifically in the order of; hair, neck, shoulders, breasts, arms, stomach, and your pussy.

A surprised whimper escapes him when you move your own hand to his semi erection in his jeans, rubbing it meticulously as his own hand rubbed your pussy through your pants.

You slowly began to move your body over him, trapping him underneath yourself and continuing kissing and shared masturbation.

“Oh baby.. baby, wanna have you. Want you to be mine.” He whimpered out, pushing you away from him to pull his shirt off.

You followed shortly after, you both exposing yourselves to the nude. Johnny was so handsome, even with his ribcage poking through. Your hands lovingly caressed his torso, smiling.

“Baby, I’m a virgin, I ain’t ever done this before. What do I do? I wanna make us both feel good, but I dunno how.” He whined out in complaint, watching your lovely figure straddle his lap.

You simply smiled at his worry, giving his stomach a light pat as you gently took his erection in your hand. While he wasn’t necessarily the most monstrous size, it was a decent length with a cute uncut tip.

“You should be walkin’ like you own these streets if you have this lovely thing hiding away.” You teased lightly, gently rolling the foreskin down to expose his lovely brownish pink tip.

“We’ll start slow, okay? We’ll take it nice and easy. Here, sit up actually. We’ll do it in a little lotus position.”

Johnny complied instantly, face red and hot as he got into the position you wanted. You hesitated for him however, looking at him with full reluctance before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me to do this? You can’t really take this back, y’know.” You sighed, running a gentle hand through his precious little wavy tufts of hair.

He nodded so vigorously, so eagerly with no sign of reticence or fear. He so obviously wanted you to take his v-card and tear it in his face, he wanted you to be his first. If you couldn’t tell by the pleading in his eyes, you’d be damn blind.

“Okay, okay, fine. Go ahead, take the lead and take your time.” You surrendered, giggling and pressing a soft kiss to his nose before gesturing for him to put it in.

Once all arguments were settled, Johnny grabbed the shaft of his cock and slowly maneuvered it to press against your folds before inevitably getting shoved in. This had him cry out in ecstasy, it was so much better than his hand could ever be.

His little whines and moans had you smiling so bright, letting out small sounds as well as you both moved in synchronized motion to reach cloud nine.

“Does it feel good for you, baby? You’re making me feel so good..” You praised lovingly, humping your hips against his to gain friction and make everything feel better.

The praise you gave Johnny had sent his whole body reeling in glee. You were enjoying yourself! He was so proud of himself.

“Yeah, it feels good, sugar. Please, keep squeezin’ me, milk me like you need it, please.” He whimpered, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to your neck and collarbone to silence his amplifying moans.

His dirty talk had your heart bubbling, he sounded so filthy and naughty. You honestly weren’t used to it.

You felt yourself nearing an orgasm when his hand came to rub your clit again, and this is what had your legs shivering and tensing in congenial pain. You were so close, but you were holding on for Johnny.

Surely enough, Johnny had bit into your shoulder quite harshly when he hit his own climax, body seizing up as his pleasure burned every nerve in his body. And shortly after, you came undone on him as well. The next few moments were spent in a simple hug, clinging to each other before you finally suggested to share a shower.

Once after your shared shower, you two had gotten back under your blanket’s covers and cuddled up close. Johnny was the cutest little spoon to exist, face happily pressed into your chest and hand rubbing your lower back in a small pattern.

“Baby, that was amazing.. I’m so happy I got all that off my chest. I didn’t know how to tell ya, I was scared you’d reject me like everyone else.” He murmured, gently kissing your cleavage.

You were lightly rubbing and scratching his scalp, smiling down at him and giggling.

“Really? You know I wouldn’t be harsh on you even if I didn’t like you. You’re a sweetie, no one should ever get mad at you for having normal feelings. I’m just glad your feelings are directed towards me.” You smiled happily, kissing the crown of his head before sighing and covering his shoulders more with the blanket.

“Sleep, Johnny. I’ll be here all through the night, okay?” You smiled.

“Good night.”

Johnny merely huddled closer to you and sighed happily, finding comfort in the warmth of your body and the warmth of the fabrics securing his body into its embrace.

“Good night baby..” He muttered before closing his eyes and letting everything fizz away.

[teecupangel]

Ok so I have had an idea. This is a bit of reference to the ratatouille au continuation of Desmond being able to hear us in the animus servers. So picture this, after a while of us talking to Desmond checking up on him and the others. Someone the group chat somehow makes a mod that gives the players (us) avatars to pilot in the servers for a short amount of time, but instead of the bodies being human they're just random animals from mise to crows to hawks and eagles. So here kinda how I think this would go. So all the ancestors are asleep or resting in the servers, meanwhile the person who made the mod adds it into the server and there's a bit of commotion as the person tells everyone else, and so the players get to work making the avatars. Then morning comes around, Desmond and the others wake up and see this excessive about of rodents just gathered around everyone. After a moment of panic and shock for our dear assassins and templars they come to find out that now the voices "inside" Desmond's head are now here ready to try And cause some havack.

Oh don't forget to drink water and eat something l. I hope you have a great day/night

Thank you, nonny! I hope you're having a great day/night too! (And yeah, I'll be eating my dinner after this hahahaha) The Ratatouille AU where the ancestors can hear Desmond while ‘playing’, its more unhinged cousin, the Ratatouille AU where Desmond can hear us and the outside POV of Al Mualim thinking the Apple broke Altaïr and the sidestory of Altaïr accidentally connecting with Ezio while looking for Desmond

Here’s the horror-esque version of this AU for this interested in that kind of setup.

.

Alright, confession time. When I was writing for the voices, my brain immediately to the ‘chat windows’ that popped up in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and in The Perks Of Being An S Class Heroine.

Then I thought, you know what would be funny? If it was like an actual chatbox with our preferred avatar kinda like this:

To make this stranger, all the avatar are like stock photos of animals and plants. This way, when their avatar finally comes to form, Desmond will be surrounded by various animals.

What happens to the ones who chose plant avatars?

My initial idea was that they would be floating plants like a leaf or a flower just floating in the air.

But then I realized…

We’re crazy enough to band together and create a ‘strange’ unique flower crown to put on Desmond’s head.

The ones that transformed into animals would go “That’s not fair! Why do you guys get to be that close to Desmond?!”

“Plant ftw, bitches!!!” A dandelion of all things would shout out, accidentally blowing itself up and floating away from Desmond, “Fuck!”

A second passed and the dandelion glitches out of existence.

Only to glitch back into the (technically floating) flower crown on Desmond’s head.

“Hey, guys, did you know it cost 1000 Helix to respawn? Fucking Ubi████.”

For those who don’t care about Ubisoft’s monetization scams (as you should), 1000 Helix is more or less $10 and they don’t sell 1000 Helix, they sell the small pack for $9.99 and it gives 1050 Helix. For reference, AC Valhalla’s complete sets (full armor + 2 weapons + mount and raven skin) usually cost around 1500 Helix.

So yeah… even though the ‘players’ have spawned in Desmond’s world, they are still haunted by monetization. (This does mean Desmond has gotten himself an immortal army of plants and animals)

[darklinaforever]

We need to talk more about how people in TROP fandom love to spew raging misogyny while trying to pass it off as feminism. I just saw some Celeryporn stan post that somehow made it into the Haladriel tag, which was ranting the usual bullshit about how people ship Galadriel with Sauron because we’re all horny for Charlie and using Galadriel as a self-insert. If you claim to be “defending” a female character (who is not real, btw) while policing sexuality and spreading seething contempt for a huge group of women in fandom (not that all Haladriel shippers are women, but a significant amount are), then you may want to consider the idea that you don’t like women as much as you think you do.

Side note, I think it’s also funny how these kinds of takes involve being totally blind about Galadriel’s pov. “Galadriel’s feelings for Halbrand were never confirmed to be romantic” — Charlotte B (another real woman in a senior position on the show) said multiple times that Galadriel fell in love with Halbrand. The only reason for people to be so staunchly in denial about this is because they need Galadriel to be an eternally monogamous bride. (Shocking news, a female character can be attracted to more than one man throughout her life…) Some people on that side need to unpack A LOT of patriarchal puritanical bullshit from their system before they speak on Galadriel.

I completely agree. It's basically shaming specifically female fans at this point, trying to reduce them to unthinking hormones on legs. While ironically, it is this side of fandom that is most steeped in reflection and analysis (something which also requires a lot of work and which some dare to call a demonstration of obsession and madness. You have to know the antis after a while ! Either we don't think or we think too much !). This way of doing and thinking by some is always specific to romances with "bad boys" (because ironically, some are not really bad boys, yes, it's you I'm talking about Zuko). Literally, I've seen this stupid argument of "self insert" for so many ships beyond Haladriel / Saurondriel. Zutara. Reylo. Darklina. Oshamir. Dramione. And so so many others ! At this point, it gets worrying. We are clearly on a puritanical morality encroaching on fiction. The worst thing is that it is more and more common to bring up this argument. Particularly in many long YouTube videos that pathetically try to appear thoughtful and intellectual when talking about the excesses of loving bad guys with heroines and why it absolutely must stop. Or even just making bad handsome guys supposedly becomes immoral and should be stopped too ! And the worst ? Most of the time, it's women that I see making these kinds of video reviews. The worst ball against his camp ever. Girls, you're basically giving points to the patriarcha on this level... In any case, either it is the excuse of the self insert used to defend a fictional female character that ironically they demean by trying to this point to portray her as a virgin husband eternally faithful and in love with her husband with whom she is at hardly in the original text... While degrading women in real life, so basically, they spit on all sides in this feminist believer but by spreading mysogynistic remarks, all to try to make people believe that they, they really know what this story is about, that they really understand it and that we, poor women blinded by hormones that we are, no. And even if some ship ships for self insert... SO WHAT ? Don't women have the right to fantasize ? We're actually pissing you off. Or else, we are on the classic excuse of trying to protect poor women who will see this fictional relationship with a lord of darkness and a lady of light in a fantasy universe as a relational example to follow in real life. Mysogynism at its height, because no, we need to be protected from fiction that we would be too stupid not to differentiate from reality. You know... the excuse that most men started giving when women started reading more than them and that according to them it could have perverted them and made them think bad things ? Yes, I totally compare the puritan morality on the romance with bad guys to that which criticized women for reading a time ago. Because ultimately, it's not that far away. Anyway, it hasn't really changed. Just look at how books with predominantly female successes are treated / viewed by the general public. The criticism of women's love for villains and romance with villains is only one of countless aspects.

Oh, and side note, not only can a woman love several men in her life, and even more so when this woman happens to be an immortal elf with a very, very long life.

[constructiqueers]

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

and

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

For Scavenger? I might send more later, I like hearing people's thoughts on combiner team members

O hell yes... rubbing my paws together evilly

2.

Im begging canon to more with the constructicons. Uhhb off the top of my head I like that one episode where he's sniffing like some sort of dog when trying to find the ship. Its microbots i think? The implications of it are funny

3. The predictable answer is the complaint everyone who enjoys the green freaks have. The less predictable one is id like if we get another galaxies level thing with them to be less on the nose with his self worth troubles. I think he deserves to be expanded on more than that.

20. Thiiis gets heavy into headcanon territory but, i kinda always put him and Bonecrusher being closer with each other than they are the others. I think that was just my brain picking up on the fight with them in devastation and just grew something outta that. 2 me Bonecrusher tries to lift scavenger up confidence wise and scavenger kinda lets Bonecrusher drop his guard. They've been around each other as a duo since b4 the constructicons even

7. The. The tail. The tail thing. I know it doesn't make sense that his shovel is one to one with a tail since it for sure doesnt work like that but I cant help it IM A FURRY! ofc im a sucker for that stuff!!!!!

8. Itssss something I've said before but the tendency to infantilize him. Or excessively coddle him. THAUT is a grown ass man. He knows a bier. Intimately. In all seriousness its something i have an issue with in fandom in general when it comes to characters like him, it doesnt feel too good to see urself in a character and then u go to fanworks and said character is acting like that, maybe its cuz im projecting my own experiences n all but. Yeahhhhhhhgg

28. The same issues i have now but i get to go to the mines? Fuck YES sign me up call me jack black the way im yearning for the mines buddy.

[catchyhuh]

my fave lupin iii blog .... give me your wisdom

cologne / perfume scents for the gang

i had to do an embarrassing amount of research on this one. mostly because perfume lore goes a lot deeper than i ever could have imagined and i wanted to give you something GOOD so ALL THAT SAID if any of you disagree with this you may be right. i did five quizzes, read up on multiple blogs from the 2000s, learned the "scent families" and at the end of the day just gave up and typed "douchiest colognes" into google

lupin: generally speaking, regardless of WHAT he's getting, any "subtle" notes are going to now have the force of a freight train the way he's practically bathing in this stuff. which is pretty rough when already coupled with really strong, amber-y scent type shit. lupin's cologne does not smell light and pleasant, it smells like you walked into a dark red cloud, which is ironic considering the conclusion i came to was dolce and gabbana light blue. people fucking hate this smell, despite parts of it sounding good in theory, and since lupin's shitty cologne has been addressed canonically numerous times, i feel this is it. even a tiny bit of this perfume makes so many people seem to wither like flowers in the sun so i can only imagine what happens when a guy who's been dunktanking himself in this walks in the room

jigen: again, its kind of overpowering. not because he overdoes it like lupin, but again, these are just not very subtle people, and even if jigen does SEEM reserved, he likes making a scene just as much as the others in the right environment. like, a mix of amber and woodsy types. i ended up on dior fahrenheit on this one and it made me realize both lupin and jigen using like, excessively common brands makes sense. for lupin its brand recognition, for jigen it's convenience. he probably smelled this in the fucking 90s and just committed to it since

fujiko: this was simultaneously the hardest and easiest, because i kept looking trying so damn hard to figure this out, to pinpoint what would SCREAM fujiko while still being unique enough to appeal to her lavish tastes, but NORMIE enough that i would be able to read up the notes on perfume reddit (they seem to know what they're talking about there) only to realize. wait. this is the same bitch who won't even keep her hair dyed the same color all the time. fujiko has no specific fashion sense beyond "stylish and with the current times" and i feel that's what applies to her perfume too. well and. hot. i guess. stylish, current, and hot. that's like 50 bottles right off the bat. regardless, it'll always be bold. thats right baby we're at amber AGAIN, but because she doesn't wanna scare off potential prey there's always a faint undertone of sweet flowers. she's smart like that even her perfume is calculated.

goemon: my man does not wear cologne on any occasion. he thinks its silly because you can smell good for free if you just fucking. bathe. why pay 80 dollars to smell bad? HOWEVER (as just established) goemon is bathing and 90% of shampoos/bodywashes have a scent. and goemon's is very... crisp. kinda citrus-y at times? this is the most mundane answer (and the most accessible they got this shit at walmart) but you know that mint teatree shampoo? he's got the faintest hint of that specific scent lingering on him

zenigata: this is going to sound so funny and mean but like. imagine if a smell was trying to look cool but just kind of making an ass of itself. i feel like that's what he'd have, regardless of if the cologne did actually smell good on anyone else, it'd feel just a bit overzealous on him. it was way difficult to find something that made sense to me but wasnt like, again, 80 fucking dollars, because you know for a fact he's spending 15 tops. and that's if he even remembers to wear it. at best, for some reason, i feel like he'd be a sandalwood guy but i can't really place why? honestly i was kinda ready to give up until i saw GREY FUCKING FLANNEL BABY!!! THIS SHIT IS DIRT CHEAP HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE 70S AND APPARENTLY EVERYBODY'S DAD KNEW SOMEBODY WHO WORE THIS! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN IT? SANDALWOOD!!!!!!

now i can finally close all these fucking perfumania tabs

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Total $hit$how: A Wealth of New Information

in which Kaius learns exactly the sort of people he'll be working with

cw: adult/crude language

masterlist ///// next

×~×~×

With a group like this, they were clearly being set up to fail. 

Kaius had been the first to arrive in the briefing area, thus he'd had more time than anyone else to analyze the scene and draw his conclusions. The room itself was relatively small, with furnishings that were all a monotonic gray. Its walls were reinforced and there was a heavy lock on the singular door. A place to speak on classified matters that could swiftly be repurposed to detain. Fitting, he supposed. He'd been told the team would be composed of criminals. Which Kaius himself technically was, but he counted his crimes far less significant than his reasons for running.

The second individual to enter was a tall, broad-chested man, dark dreads pulled away from his face by a band, shiny shoes and ironed shirt suggesting he was accustomed to working indoors. An attorney, perhaps, or some kind of analyst.

Not far behind him was a stout woman in a black tank top. Hardly professional attire, but Kaius supposed she was the type who would rather show off her biceps than maintain an air of respectability.

“No shit. Jericho?”

“Joy? Man, how long has it been?”

And they knew each other. This could prove irritating. Kaius tried to tune out their prattling. He had no interest in whatever prior circumstances had led them to meet, especially when the next person was entering, ready to be observed.

It was a lanky man with long, loose hair and an excessive amount of eye makeup. It seemed the batch grew worse with every new addition. Was he really expected to work with these people? Perhaps he was to be granted a consultant-type role. Act as the brain of this new system and prevent the group from making stupid choices. He could do that. Pointing out stupidity was certainly one of Kaius's strengths.

The door swung open a fourth time, and the final member of the team sauntered in. It seemed he'd been correct to assume that each new addition decreased in quality. This man looked like he'd neither slept nor bathed in days. His clothes were crumpled, his colored hair wild. The bags under his eyes and twitchy expression only added to Kaius’s doubts.

He hoped their assignment was nothing significant. Their efforts were surely doomed.

The one saving grace was that no one attempted to engage him in conversation while the group awaited instruction. Aside from the chatter of the first two—Jericho and Joy, was it?—the room was silent.

The door opened once more, this time admitting a pair of men who actually had the look of professionals. One an older white man, with gray streaking his hair and beard, the other perhaps in his thirties, with dark hair that curled near the top.

“Good evening,” the older one said. There was an easy smile on his face that his younger compatriot didn't attempt to match. “Glad to see everyone could make it.”

The man with the colored hair snorted. “Up until an hour ago, I thought I'd been arrested. Didn't think I had a choice.”

Kaius didn't know how the man managed to hold onto his smile.

“Nevertheless, welcome aboard, Mr. Harbor.” He addressed the room. “My name is Victor, but you are all welcome to call me Vic. I will be acting as your handler during your employment here.”

Joy’s hand went up. “Question. Is that handler as in… agents and stuff?”

“It would be in that vein, yes.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We weren't brought in to spy or anything, were we? That's not exactly my specialty.”

Vic laughed. Kaius couldn't see what was so funny.

“No, nothing like that. At least not the sort of spying you're picturing in your heads. The agency has a… highly specialized mission in mind that will require all of your unique skills and talents.”

“And I assume we get to hear what this mission is?”

“Correct. Sahota? Secure the door.”

The younger of the pair turned, sliding the lock into place without so much as a shift in his expression. Not the friendly type. Kaius thought they might get along.

“Have you all ever heard of Rotorworx? I know Mr. Harbor has.”

A grin split Harbor’s face, but no one else seemed to show recognition. Kaius thought the name sounded familiar, but he had no memory to attach to it.

“Rotorworx is a very…ambitious tech company," Vic continued. "They are fond of big, outlandish ideas. Tampering with the impossible.”

Joy nodded. “I can get behind that.”

“Then I hope you won't be disappointed to hear that your mission will be to destroy some of their experimental tech, Miss Cavan.”

“Wait, destroy it?” the big guy, Jericho, spoke up. “Why?”

Vic cleared his throat. “As I said, they're tampering with the impossible. Fingerfucking reality, to put it crassly.” He grinned into the silence that had fallen over the room. Even Harbor stopped fidgeting.

“The company has made some…questionable choices in the past, but our intel suggests their latest project is a machine that can open a gate between realities.”

“No shit,” Joy whispered. When Kaius glanced at her, she and Jericho were giving each other a Look. He'd seen similar exchanges of the Look on multiple occasions, most notably at university, when a pair of students thought something was a load of bull. He couldn't find himself disagreeing, but if destroying a machine kept him out of the clutches of his family, he wasn't about to complain.

“We've heard every test has been both unsuccessful and disastrous, yet Rotorworx continues to escalate, despite having seen how catastrophic that has gone in the past.” 

Kaius leaned forward, interlocking his fingers. “Why do you keep looking at Mr. Harbor?” he asked. It seemed a reasonable query. If Vic’s eyes landed on Harbor every time he made a mention of a disaster or questionable choice, Kaius needed to know why.

Harbor lifted his chin, looking down his nose at Kaius. “Because I'm a special boy.”

Vic moved behind Harbor's chair, resting his hands on the back of it. “Mr. Harbor was a subject in one of Rotorworx’s past experiments. If this team runs into any unpredictable technology, we believe his implant might give you an advantage.”

Joy’s hand went up again. “Hold up. Implant?”

Harbor tapped his temple. “I see shit you could never imagine. Makes me quicker on my feet."

“A subsect of Rotorworx attempted to crack clairvoyance,” Vic explained. “Mr. Harbor was the only subject for whom the experiment was moderately successful.”

Joy narrowed her eyes. “I think I read about that. Didn't everyone they tested on, uh…” Her gaze darted to Harbor for a split second. “...Damage their psyche?”

If it was meant as an insult, Harbor didn't pick up on it. “Can't break what's already broken,” he said, folding his arms behind his head and reclining in his chair. 

“The rest of you,” Vic continued, “have your own specialties. As you train together, I trust you'll learn the best way to play to one anothers’ strengths.” He laid a hand on the shoulder of the man beside him, giving it a squeeze. “Now Sahota, will you finish off the mission brief? I need to see if intelligence has an update for us.”

“Of course, sir.” Sahota remained stiff-backed, scanning the group before him with a cool look in his eyes. Once Vic had closed the door, he moved to the table, opening a white plastic binder to a page that looked like a building’s floorplan.

“As Vic said previously, you are being tasked with the destruction of the Reality Cage.”

The man with the heavy eye makeup snorted at that, the first sound Kaius had heard him make.

“I'm sorry, the what now?”

Sahota leveled his gaze at him. “The impossible technology Rotorworx is developing. Pay attention.”

The man rolled his eyes. “I paid attention. Just think that's a ridiculous name, yeah?”

Sahota did not appear amused. Though, Kaius noted, Joy and Jericho did. Should he be entertained as well? 'Reality Cage' was just two words strung together. He didn't see the humor in them.

“The Reality Cage is set to begin its second phase of testing in a matter of weeks. We don't know the extent of the damage it will do, but statistics suggest it could spell catastrophe for the city if fully activated.”

“Wild I got hired on to stop a machine from spelling,” the man with the makeup muttered, earning a snicker from Jericho. 

Sahota snapped the binder shut. “Benji Ruebin,” he said. “Why are you here?”

The man, Benji, seemed caught off guard. “Well I… what? What do you mean why am I here? You're the ones who asked for me, aren't you?”

“And why did you agree? You're a thief, Ruebin. This job won't give you the money your skillsets could earn you elsewhere. So why are you here?”

“Because—”

“Because if you didn't agree to this mission, you'd be rotting in jail right now. All of you would.” Sahota’s eyes landed on Kaius, and he felt a chill go through him at the coldness there.

“With a few exceptions. But your situation isn't much better, is it Mr. Manak?” He turned back to Benji. “What do you think, Ruebin? Can you make it in prison? Or are you going to shut up and listen?”

Benji bent his head, pantomiming zipping his lips.

“Good.” He flipped the binder back open. “Rotorworx has dozens of locations within the city, but we've narrowed our targets down to three. From there, we still need to uncover exactly where the Cage is.” He raised his chin. “And that's where you all will come in. Rotorworx is a billion dollar company. They treat security like a form of art. Once you enter the target location, you'll face armed guards, an assortment of surveillance systems, and traps.”

“Did you say traps?” Joy was leaning in, glancing at the binder. “What is this, a movie?”

“Rotorworx considers their research top secret. As a larger-than-life company, we are anticipating larger-than-life countermeasures.”

Sahota stood, leaving the binder open on the table. “You'll find the data we've gathered from the three potential locations in there. Study it in your spare time. Vic has placed me in charge of your training for these next few weeks.” He cast a final glance over his shoulder. “Wish I could say I trust that you won't disappoint me, but I don't. Start taking this seriously, or you're going to start dying.”

“Are you leaving?” Jericho half-stood. “What should we do? Are we restricted to this room?”

“Go where you want within the facility,” Sahota answered. “Locked doors will stay locked if you know what's good for you. Training starts in the morning.”

“And where are you off to, huh? Aren't you on the team?” Harbor threw his head back, looking at Sahota half-upsidedown. “You didn't even tell us about your special talents.”

The man narrowed his eyes. “I report directly to Vic. You all report to me. Don't make us regret this.”

And with that, he was gone. Kaius took the opportunity to slide the binder towards himself, leafing through its pages. 

“Woof,” Joy muttered. “Who do you think tops?”

Benji let out a chuckle. “Definitely Vic. You heard Sahota talking.”

“Haven't heard someone say sir with such fervor since the army.”

“You were in the army?”

Kaius tuned them out. The binder’s pages were laughably scarce. Was this all the information they had to go off of? There was nothing but a few mismatched floorplans and the name of a suspected security system in use. They really were doomed, weren't they?

On top of the scant intelligence, Kaius's new team was… lacking. The more talkative three were gossiping and giggling about their new bosses, and Harbor had already left the room. 

As much as he didn't want to take charge of the situation, it seemed that no one else was willing to act responsibly.

Kaius loudly cleared his throat. “As enticing as it may be to discuss our handler's sexual habits, perhaps we should focus on the task at hand,” he said. “Familiarizing ourselves with the binder is the only order we've been given, and it seems you're already ignoring it.”

“And who are you?” Benji said.

“Mr. Manak,” Joy answered for him.

“Manak. As in the Manak family?”

“A family name usually insinuates the presence of a family,” Kaius muttered.

“Yeah, but you aren't just the Manak son, you're the Manak heir.” Benji laughed. “My old crew talked about robbing you once.”

“No shit, we got a rich boy on the team?” Joy leaned forward, elbows on the table, chin in one hand. “So what are you doing here?”

“I think that's my business.” Truth be told, he was as curious about them as they were about him. All criminals, he knew that much, but what were their crimes? As long as he was here, he supposed he could entertain himself with uncovering a few more secrets. No doubt even Vic and Sahota had some of their own, though that would prove treacherous ground to tread on.

“Hey, he's right.” Jericho was speaking now. “We don't know exactly what we're getting ourselves into. Maybe we should focus less on the personal aspect and more on the things that will get us killed.”

At least someone in the group could be reasoned with. Kaius picked up the binder and carried it to the other side of the table, laying it before the others.

“There isn't much.”

“It's a start,” Jericho said. “And hey, I know the system they're using. I've hacked that dozens of times.”

“One of the systems,” Kaius corrected him. “There's bound to be more.”

They scanned all seven pages included in the binder, finding nothing he hadn't already made a mental note of. When he was absolutely certain he hadn't missed a detail, Kaius stood.

“No sense in wasting more time on this. I'm going to have a look around.”

“I guess… we'll come with you.” Joy stood as well. “Got nothing better to do.”

This must be why he was here. To keep the group on task when the handlers weren't present.

But even with his guidance, even with the team's newfound willingness to cooperate, Kaius couldn't shake his initial gut feeling.

They were being set up to fail.

[thebunniesgrim]

Ok so wait  

So, the recent episode of Helluva Boss made me...  

Think.  

About something. 

I know, right? so scary  

But oops made me stop for a second (as much as I like one could say love the episode)  

Are the sinners worse than the literal 7 deathly sins?  

I know it's a little early to say this considering hazbin hotel hasn't come out yet and helluva boss hasn't shown us all the 7 deadly sins, yet you know?  

But considering our track record with Asmodeus not thinking lust should be forced and Beelzebub not encouraging overindulgence or overindulgence for the wrong reasons (when she tells Loona "like hey he a mess and killing the vibe k?”)  

(Also, I feel like the Asmodeus thing is a damned if you do damned if you don't thing honestly there was no winning with this one viv would have gotten flamed either way. I don’t have a gripe with it either way  )  

Are the sinners worse than them? Like Valentino is an abuser and uses angle dust and others for his body in more ways than one. Alastor is allegedly a cannibal (can that be seen as gluttony or some other sin? Other than it being morality wrong to eat people), angel overuses drugs, husk drink to an excess Yada Yada Yada  

....so, like who are the real demons?  

(That was the gotcha moment the whole time.)

Hazbin Hotel pitch: "Maybe the real demons (or redemption) were the friends we made along the way *rainbow emoji*"

You're telling me that Valentino can just sexually assault folks and get them doped up on magical cigar smoke, but Asmodeus doesn't believe that diddling people without consent is just too far?  

Ok yeah totally  

Because honestly what's next?  

Is Belphegor gonna recommend we get the daily recommended amount of sleep and to put healthy breaks in between tasks? (watch her be a doctor)  

Is mammon gonna vouch for ethical consumerism and hoarding money is bad?  

Wait no, let me guess!  

Leviathan is gonna tell us about that envy in small doses as motivation is healthy but too much and it's not?  

Is Lucifer gonna be like yo Dawgs being prideful in one's achievements is totally radical but don't be a dick about it  

Is satin gonna like to tell us getting angry is ok but pointing one's anger towards other is totally uncool?  

Because he'll doesn't seem like a doomed eternity it just seems like a playground, they aren't even being like damned for their sins  

It's like the purge but slightly more civil  

How is a sinner gonna be worst that a demon?  

I am very aware expecting Viv to give us correct demon mythos is a tall order and not realistic at all, but I don’t think we can stay any farther from the 7 deadly sins in their basic boiled down forms, you know? Like money, anger, ego, sex, food, lazy, and jealously.  

They are demons! You can have kind and sweet demons like minion from the Cuphead show he's a sweet heart but he still encourages the devil to be the devil  

Or even king dice (not a demons but a bad person he works for the devil) he has sympatric qualities but he's still a bad guy. Same with the devil too if you look hard enough  

They are still demons people have a negative connotation with them why not make them morally gray? Like “you can cut some guys arm off if both parties are into it, I don’t care just ask first” that would be kinda funny. But also, he values consent to a fault he doesn’t care about them being safe but as long as you asked its fine.

Asmodeus:

Or if like cheat days turn into cheat years idk  

It just seems like the 7 deadly sins are just guys and the sinners are just worse than them 

Like look at pilot of Hazbin and look all the non-sense they do then look at Helluva it’s so sanitized comparatively it's kinda funny ngl  

If the sinners, the worst of the worst of humans and this is how soft the demon royales are like pilot hazbin would bully the hell (heh) out of Helluva

Lol is the pride ring just a bunch of uncivilized edgy children when everyone else just kinda looks on in utter horror? Now that I wouldn’t mind  :)

small rant about the Hazbin hotel piolt

Why does Charlie call the sinners her people in the pilot?  

Like I feel like her people are the hell born like her, the deadly sins, the imps, the succubus and so on 

You know her people the demons and junk who are like her kin of sort?

Also why is over population such a problem? It seems like a fitting punishment to me if there's limited space seems like a good thing, no?  

Are they not here to suffer?  

Also why not just allow the sinners to wander the other rings? Why are they only in pride?  

What's the point of the other rings? Why are they named after sins if they aren't going to be used by the sinners? 

ok bye :)

[fumblingmusings]

Lukewarm Coffee and Plum Rice Pudding

Absolutely pure schmop for USUK. Alfred needs a break. Arthur is making old man dessert. They are both tired and more than a little in love. Very chaste romance below, just stretching writing muscles in the present tense. Enjoy!

Arthur’s house is small. It is small, old, and smells of syrup and plums. When Alfred inquires as to why, England gives him a very funny look, as if the other man is as stupid as Arthur’s frequent insults suggest. He simply states that if Alfred cared to look in the kitchen, he would see the vat bubbling away on the hob. 

America ponders how he is to do such a thing, considering he is still standing on England’s porch. 

He says as much, and Arthur scrunches his nostrils. There is dirt, America notes, on the bridge of said nose. Most likely mud from the garden (for where else would the plums have come from?), the result of Arthur rubbing his skin, perpetually sniffing as if he has a cold. Alfred suspects it is something akin to hay fever and it would go away if Arthur bothered to take something as simple as an antihistamine. He wouldn’t, of course, because Arthur refuses to take anyone’s advice, no matter its practicality. 

Alfred remains under the tiny portico.

“Are you going to let me in? It’s cold.”

“It’s fifteen.”

Alfred nods, as if that number means anything to him. (It does, when he thinks about it for longer than a second. He tries often to not do so).

Still, Arthur steps back, muttering something about making Alfred take off his muddy shoes and leave them at the door. England then disappears down the tight hallway, turning left behind the stairs and returning to his kitchen. The sound of a radio station playing, some odd indie music, seems to be coming from the area.

Alfred follows his nose and ears, and sure enough, a rather large pot is bubbling away, making a sticky sound when Arthur goes to stir. Not burnt. Yet. Arthur lowers the volume of his radio, the announcer declaring it to be one of the multiple BBC channels. There were six?! More?

America drops his weekend bag on the wooden chair sticking out from the round table, then plants himself into the second chair. An excessive amount of crocheted placemats and coasters litter the small surface, and he is unable to help himself from picking one up and inspecting. Perfect, as always.

The silence seems to stretch on. With any other time that Alfred would drop by unannounced, he would be talking Arthur’s ear off. As it is, Arthur notes how utterly melancholic the boy appears to be.

Turning off the heat, Arthur moves the pot to the countertop, pouring the simmering fruit into a large glass bowl. It splatters as he does so, and the contact stings his bare wrists.

His loud, emphatic fuck makes Alfred start, look up from the table and across the cluttered room. Arthur is shaking his arm, as if trying to fling the stinging pain out of his limb.

“Careful,” America says unhelpfully.

The replying glare and bull-like snort are somewhat good-humoured, so Alfred manages a smile.

“Why are you here?” Arthur asks, turning to his sink to cool down the splatter. Alfred watches, quiet.

“Wanted to visit,” Alfred replies. He hears Arthur chuff to himself. 

“Wanna coffee?” England asks instead of acknowledging Alfred’s answer.

“Not instant?”

“No. In the French press. I’ll need to microwave it up though.”

America sucks on his tongue, then nods his assent.

“Sure.”

Arthur fills up one of his floral mugs two thirds of the way, then goes to the fridge. He pauses, the door open and his face hidden from view.

“Warm or cold milk?”

“Cold.”

“Weird boy…” but still, Arthur does as bid, pulling out a carton and throwing the mug in the microwave for just over a minute. He returns to his bowl of plums, then inspects Alfred again.

“How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long will you stay?”

“Oh. Until I get found out?”

England’s green eyes spark with glee. “You’re being naughty?”

Alfred’s smile grows, hearing the childish naughtiness that always manages to leak through Arthur’s prim and proper exterior. There was nothing Arthur enjoyed more than a good deception, a practical joke, being a general annoyance. Was it any surprise such traits were also found in Alfred?

When Arthur’s face lit up, when that veneer of bored politeness cracked… Alfred was reminded why people actually tolerated (or worse, loved) Arthur. Alfred would only ever whisper it in the dead of night when he was sure Arthur was not listening. Confessing sincerely and earnestly on how much England had never truly been extracted from America.

More than once, Arthur had in fact, not been asleep, and Alfred had become ashamed to even look the man in the eye for the next three days. 

Unabashed openness was a rarity in Arthur too, both in joy, and indeed in love. It was much more his style to simply open his home, offer a drink, and try to be useful. A land of such beautiful words and poets struggles to speak plainly at times, hiding behind inferences, suggestions and looks that Alfred only ever caught in candid photographs or mirror reflections. 

Truly, they were as bad as each other. And yet they understood.

“I needed a break,” Alfred finally confesses.

Arthur waves him over, not commenting on his reasoning. “I’m making rice pudding for the plums. You can help. Make yourself useful.”

America could have kissed Arthur. Not for the gift of rice pudding; Alfred feels it is slop - unpleasant in texture and lacking in any flavour - but for Arthur’s immediate understanding. The time of a nation was valuable, and often they were used as endless free labour. It could be physical (Ivan’s railway construction came to mind), but for people like Alfred and Arthur, it was bureaucracy. An office intern with no voice in policy and yet expected to enact decisions to carry them through.

Arthur learned long ago how to bite back; his own workaholic nature would take care of the punishing hours, no effort required from Downing Street whatsoever. Alfred, the perpetual people pleaser, had experienced varied results. 

Some years are better than others.

Arthur understands and seems very content - proud even - of his ability to be a bulwark for Alfred. More than once, he has slammed the door shut in the face of some silly-looking man in a suit demanding the world’s superpower to get in the black car.

Arthur knows when not to prod. Some things he will not let drop, badgering and arguing until Alfred cracks. Other times, he will do as he is doing in that moment - hearing the unsaid and knowing exactly what needs to be done.

A distraction, a comfort, an indulgence.

“There’s condensed milk in the pull-out cupboard. Two cans.”

The ping of the microwave leads to Arthur bustling around the tiny kitchen. There is a pile of dishes waiting to be washed in the basin and sticky surfaces of spilt sugar and fruit juice. Arthur hums to himself as he works, matching the quiet radio and its dreamlike rhythms.

Alfred places the cans squarely on the counter, then lays his chin on Arthur’s shoulder, right at the junction of his neck. The warm breath that he exhales visibly causes Arthur to shiver.

Not exactly looking back at America, Arthur raises a hand up to run his fingers through the boy’s golden hair.

“Your coffee’ll get cold,” England gently chides.

Alfred hums, only to wrap his arms around Arthur. England’s cool hands (so perfect for baking those cursed scones) hold on to one of Alfred’s own, the other petting him softly. 

“Big baby,” Arthur murmurs right into Alfred’s ear. “Rest up. You’re home now.”

Once, perhaps not too long ago, Alfred would have bitten back an angry and spiteful retort, but now it was not so. Home was an idea, a feeling, many places and many people. His glamorous and large apartment in New York; his ranch in Texas with his wonderful horses; sitting in Montreal with Mattie watching the Canadiens lose to Tampa Bay for the Stanley Cup final (both of them drunk for differing reasons). 

Holding on to Arthur like a buoy in the man’s tired and cluttered kitchen, a lukewarm coffee on a dirty counter, an excessive amount of boiled fruit cooling in a bowl.

Home.

[madamejadex]

hello miss jade! im 20 and i use both she/her and they/them pronouns. I had a very odd question for you if you didnt mind answering.

Im a person who knows what they like in a relationship, im also demi-romantic (i believe thats the best term?) essentially, romantic feelings for me take months or even years to develop. (even a slight crush) im interested in people sexually though, people are hot what can i say, and my libido is VERY high.

My optimal way of essentially losing my virginity is some sort of scene i think? im on the autism spectrum and i like being able to ‘lay everything on the table’ before being intimate with someone. I want someone to be honest with me about what they like, dont like, do i need to do something differently to make them feel the optimal amount of pleasure etc. and i find that people who arent in the bdsm scene see this as weird or sometimes a turn off. (idk about you but someone describing in detail what they want to do to me is a huge TURN ON)

i do also understand im young to be in the bdsm scene (if that statement makes sense???) im not interested in a dom/sub contract or anything like that (even though thats not all bdsm is). i just think being in a controled environment would make the experience much more enjoyable for me.

please feel free to let me know your thoughts!

-is 📊 taken? i just think its funny :)

Hello, my dear. (And yes, the 📊 is all yours now… I must say, your sense of humor is cute.) 💋

And I'm so glad you reached out because it’s always refreshing to hear someone speak so clearly about their needs, desires, and the care they want to bring into intimacy. That kind of awareness is something I really admire.

And what you’re describing isn’t odd at all, sweetheart. In fact, it’s incredibly valid and far more common than you might think, especially within spaces that prioritize consent, communication, and intention… which is exactly what BDSM community stands for. And I can see why it might feel more aligned for you than traditional dating spaces.

Your "demi-romantic" experience makes complete sense. And just because romantic feelings take time to grow doesn’t mean your sexual needs or curiosity are any less worthy of attention. Many people experience that kind of disconnect between emotional and physical intimacy and there’s nothing “too early” or “too late” about recognizing how you function and seeking out safe, informed ways to explore. And you’re not weird for wanting honesty. You’re not strange for needing direct communication about pleasure, boundaries, or expectations. In fact, that’s something the best BDSM practitioners prioritize. We call it negotiation, the foundation of any healthy dynamic, whether it’s a single scene or a long-term bond. And in many ways, it’s exactly what you’re describing: a safe space to put everything on the table before things become intimate.

Wanting a controlled environment isn’t excessive, it’s wise. Especially when you’re navigating something as intimate and vulnerable as a first experience. And that deep craving to feel desired, guided, and truly seen? That’s not clinical, awkward, or too much. It can be incredibly beautiful when held with care and intention.

But I want to gently remind you, this kind of experience doesn’t only exist within BDSM. You can absolutely create that kind of safe, honest, emotionally present space in any form of relationship, kink or not. So if you find yourself drawn to BDSM purely for the sense of clarity, care, or structure it seems to offer, I’d encourage you to ask yourself: Is there anything else about BDSM that excites you? Is it the power exchange? The dynamic? The sensual intensity? Or is it the emotional transparency that feels so appealing?

If it’s the latter, you may be longing not for kink, but for a connection where things feel clear, where consent, care, and communication aren’t optional, but foundational.

And that’s not only valid, it’s deeply human.

Personally, I’m someone who’s pro-relationship. I rarely engage in casual hook-ups, not because they’re wrong, but because I find richness in relationships that allow for emotional safety, deep trust, and honest exploration. I believe every relationship would benefit from the kind of communication we practice in kink.

But honestly to end this I want you to know that I think you're doing beautifully. You’re learning yourself, naming your needs, and seeking out spaces that honor both. And I hope you know, there’s nothing strange or broken about the way you move through intimacy. You’re simply someone who knows the value of intention. And that is incredibly rare.

I’m proud of you. Truly. Keep trusting your instincts, they’re guiding you well. 🤍

xo Miss Jade