#but i think its funny when there's an excessive amount

[figgiun]

id in alt

hanging out with some good cows : ) hey wait martin what's going on over there/???? is there something,,, in the sky??? weird. anyway wanna go frolick

bonus emo cow

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons ..!

warnings : literally none, perfectly sfw 😍😍

content: loser!ellie x reader, more ellie-focused than relationship focused (sorryyyy 😞😞)

authors note: i’ve literally never done headcanons omg 😓 this is js my random ramblings 🔥🔥🔥

pt. 2 ! taglist!!!! masterlist!!

- send you an excessive amount of reels. every 5 seconds. cute cats, random facts about space, stuff she thinks is funny, it all goes to you.

- definitely had a “rock collection” when she was little, but she was so ???? excessive with it??? like every time she saw a rock she picked it up. she walked so weird bc her pockets were just FULL OF ROCKS.

- also, was literally the grimiest kid ever. playing in ROLLING IN the mud, going snail hunting when it rained!!! she was the kid that would go in the bushes and mess w rolly pollies all the time for NO REASON.

- is weirdly good at fishing?? joel took her all the time, and shes a self proclaimed “fishing master”

- WAYYY clumsy. always running into a wall, tripping on air, or missing steps on the stairs (smh its cuz of that damn phone 😒😒)

- im so into the whole “adam sandler” fits cuz its so true. esp during the summer, its some stupid t shirt that says “master baiter” and a pair of old basketball shorts.

- speaking of t shirts, she’s def the type to own an absurd amount of dumb t shirts.

- gets all her clothes from like, walmart and goodwill. she does not CARE!!!

- cuts her own hair too 🤞🏽🤞🏽 shes soooo self sufficient 😍😍😍

- bites. she is such a biter.

- speaking of, i feel like she js has to have something in her mouth constantly. gum, random pieces of plastic, bottle caps, pens, anything 😞

- speaking of mouths (wow sierra so many connections!!!) she def had braces , but she hates wearing her retainer so her teeth are like ever-so-slightly fucked up

- is AMAZING at committing to the bit. she will drag it for DAYSSS if you don’t tell her to stop. once did a (awful) british accent for 4 days until you threw something at her and told her to shut the fuck up

- definitely not shy, just kind of…odd. she’ll talk to anyone that talks to her, she just doesn’t really approach people.

- weird obsession with pickles. has a pickle stuffed animal with a mustache and glasses that she bought from goodwill

- hangs up so much stuff on her walls!!!! tickets, old notes, cards, pictures of people, drawings, old tickets, literally anything she thinks looks cool

- obsessed with rollercoasters!!! she took you to the fair for your first date

- also like- very good at fair games. she’s so cocky about it too, you’ll go home with like 20 stuffed animals she won for you and she’ll carry ALL OF THEM with the stupidest smile on her face

- wears all of joels old contractor-workwear clothes during the colder months

- trys so hard to be “mysterious” but she’s never actually doing anything so she just does stuff like not telling you what movie she’s watching or what she’s eating

- also just texts you 24-7!!! like every time she’s doing something she’s like “i made a quesadilla” “i went to the store” “i took a shower” she just looooves keeping you updated

- tries to raise one eyebrow but ends up just squinting one eye. so funny 😞😞

- really good at solving rubix cubes???

- definitely had a fuck ass bob at one point

- GLASSES. that is all. glasses.

- listens to so much dad rock, midwest emo, indie, she LOVES male manipulator music!! but like she isn’t like thatttt shes so niceeee 😞😞

- mostly calls you babe/baby, she’ll call you really dumb pet names as a joke like “pookie” 😭😭

[lizzy019]

𝒜𝓇𝑒 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒮𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒲𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝑀𝑒?

Johnny Cade x Fem!Reader [Johnny and Reader are best friends to start]

cw -> loss of v-card, reader is more dominant

Word Count -> 1.5K

Johnny survives here guys!!

After the rumble and under the navy blue skies scattered with stars and clouds, you two walked happily around the neighborhood just to relax.

Johnny had unfortunately received a new cut to his eyebrow, and you’d gently cleaned it with a light amount of hydrogen peroxide and alcohol while keeping it safe from bacteria with a gauze pad before your walk.

You both were lightly chitchatting, smiling and giggling occasionally at any joke or funny thing one of you said to each other.

“I can’t believe it! That rumble was wild, I feel bad for Dally. A chipped tooth? Man, he’s crazy.” You chattered, smiling over at Johnny before you both were walking to your house’s doorstep.

Unlocking it, you teasingly let him in first and act like a gentleman, even if you were a woman.

A small pat to his back was given as a gesture of kindness while you kicked off your shoes and hung up your coat before scurrying off to watch some TV. Unfortunately there was nothing good aside from Looney Tunes, which was tolerable. Better than the news.

Johnny sat down beside you, securing a throw blanket and covering you both under its warmth. While he was tired and obviously not in the mood for anything crazy, he kept stealing glances at your chest, practically drooling.

You were oblivious to it, watching your show and snickering every time Bugs Bunny insulted another character. But of course, the show cut to commercials and you sighed heavily in protest.

You shut off the TV and smiled over at Johnny, unaware of whatever he was doing. But little did you know that he had the biggest thing to tell you, and he had it all planned out.

When you stood, he followed shortly behind. Walking around the halls to find yourself situated in your chambers, you swiftly hopped onto your bed and Johnny followed suit.

This had you giggling, and you relaxed instantly.

“Hey.. I have somethin’ to tell ya. But you gotta promise you won’t be mad at me, yeah?” He asked so softly, so reticently and worriedly that you were sure he was as close to a little puppy as possible.

At his question however, you nodded and smiled, responding with, “You can tell me anything, Johnnycake! I’m not here to judge you.”

This soothed him a bit, but he gently found your hand and took it in his before squeezing it and sighing shakily.

“I dunno how to properly voice this but.. God, I love you, I love you so much. From your smile to your laugh, how kind you are and how beautiful you look, you’re like an angel walkin’ on the face of the Earth. Your eyes are so pretty, I swear, they’re like pools I could drown in. Your hair, so effortlessly gorgeous even when messy or wet. Your body, glorious in every possible way. Baby, I dunno how to say this lightly but.. I want you. I need, no, I crave you. I wanna-” You pressed a finger to his lip to silence his ranting. While it was excessive, it was sweet and he made his feelings known.

“Johnnycake..” You start, stopping only out of nervousness and giving a light giggle to soothe the tension.

“I think I feel the same. Everything about you is amazing, and I love being around you. You’re a wonderful person, and I’d love to spend more time with you other than simple friends.” You responded with a big smile.

This had Johnny stunned, a girl really liked him in that sort of manner?

Without hesitation, he smashed his mouth against your and whimpered into the engendered kiss. It was lovely to finally have your soft and perfect lips against his. Johnny’s mouth tasted faintly of weed and vanilla, a bit minty probably from toothpaste, but you let yourself indulge in his graceful expression of his affections.

His hands were touching everywhere, specifically in the order of; hair, neck, shoulders, breasts, arms, stomach, and your pussy.

A surprised whimper escapes him when you move your own hand to his semi erection in his jeans, rubbing it meticulously as his own hand rubbed your pussy through your pants.

You slowly began to move your body over him, trapping him underneath yourself and continuing kissing and shared masturbation.

“Oh baby.. baby, wanna have you. Want you to be mine.” He whimpered out, pushing you away from him to pull his shirt off.

You followed shortly after, you both exposing yourselves to the nude. Johnny was so handsome, even with his ribcage poking through. Your hands lovingly caressed his torso, smiling.

“Baby, I’m a virgin, I ain’t ever done this before. What do I do? I wanna make us both feel good, but I dunno how.” He whined out in complaint, watching your lovely figure straddle his lap.

You simply smiled at his worry, giving his stomach a light pat as you gently took his erection in your hand. While he wasn’t necessarily the most monstrous size, it was a decent length with a cute uncut tip.

“You should be walkin’ like you own these streets if you have this lovely thing hiding away.” You teased lightly, gently rolling the foreskin down to expose his lovely brownish pink tip.

“We’ll start slow, okay? We’ll take it nice and easy. Here, sit up actually. We’ll do it in a little lotus position.”

Johnny complied instantly, face red and hot as he got into the position you wanted. You hesitated for him however, looking at him with full reluctance before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me to do this? You can’t really take this back, y’know.” You sighed, running a gentle hand through his precious little wavy tufts of hair.

He nodded so vigorously, so eagerly with no sign of reticence or fear. He so obviously wanted you to take his v-card and tear it in his face, he wanted you to be his first. If you couldn’t tell by the pleading in his eyes, you’d be damn blind.

“Okay, okay, fine. Go ahead, take the lead and take your time.” You surrendered, giggling and pressing a soft kiss to his nose before gesturing for him to put it in.

Once all arguments were settled, Johnny grabbed the shaft of his cock and slowly maneuvered it to press against your folds before inevitably getting shoved in. This had him cry out in ecstasy, it was so much better than his hand could ever be.

His little whines and moans had you smiling so bright, letting out small sounds as well as you both moved in synchronized motion to reach cloud nine.

“Does it feel good for you, baby? You’re making me feel so good..” You praised lovingly, humping your hips against his to gain friction and make everything feel better.

The praise you gave Johnny had sent his whole body reeling in glee. You were enjoying yourself! He was so proud of himself.

“Yeah, it feels good, sugar. Please, keep squeezin’ me, milk me like you need it, please.” He whimpered, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to your neck and collarbone to silence his amplifying moans.

His dirty talk had your heart bubbling, he sounded so filthy and naughty. You honestly weren’t used to it.

You felt yourself nearing an orgasm when his hand came to rub your clit again, and this is what had your legs shivering and tensing in congenial pain. You were so close, but you were holding on for Johnny.

Surely enough, Johnny had bit into your shoulder quite harshly when he hit his own climax, body seizing up as his pleasure burned every nerve in his body. And shortly after, you came undone on him as well. The next few moments were spent in a simple hug, clinging to each other before you finally suggested to share a shower.

Once after your shared shower, you two had gotten back under your blanket’s covers and cuddled up close. Johnny was the cutest little spoon to exist, face happily pressed into your chest and hand rubbing your lower back in a small pattern.

“Baby, that was amazing.. I’m so happy I got all that off my chest. I didn’t know how to tell ya, I was scared you’d reject me like everyone else.” He murmured, gently kissing your cleavage.

You were lightly rubbing and scratching his scalp, smiling down at him and giggling.

“Really? You know I wouldn’t be harsh on you even if I didn’t like you. You’re a sweetie, no one should ever get mad at you for having normal feelings. I’m just glad your feelings are directed towards me.” You smiled happily, kissing the crown of his head before sighing and covering his shoulders more with the blanket.

“Sleep, Johnny. I’ll be here all through the night, okay?” You smiled.

“Good night.”

Johnny merely huddled closer to you and sighed happily, finding comfort in the warmth of your body and the warmth of the fabrics securing his body into its embrace.

“Good night baby..” He muttered before closing his eyes and letting everything fizz away.

[teecupangel]

Ok so I have had an idea. This is a bit of reference to the ratatouille au continuation of Desmond being able to hear us in the animus servers. So picture this, after a while of us talking to Desmond checking up on him and the others. Someone the group chat somehow makes a mod that gives the players (us) avatars to pilot in the servers for a short amount of time, but instead of the bodies being human they're just random animals from mise to crows to hawks and eagles. So here kinda how I think this would go. So all the ancestors are asleep or resting in the servers, meanwhile the person who made the mod adds it into the server and there's a bit of commotion as the person tells everyone else, and so the players get to work making the avatars. Then morning comes around, Desmond and the others wake up and see this excessive about of rodents just gathered around everyone. After a moment of panic and shock for our dear assassins and templars they come to find out that now the voices "inside" Desmond's head are now here ready to try And cause some havack.

Oh don't forget to drink water and eat something l. I hope you have a great day/night

Thank you, nonny! I hope you're having a great day/night too! (And yeah, I'll be eating my dinner after this hahahaha) The Ratatouille AU where the ancestors can hear Desmond while ‘playing’, its more unhinged cousin, the Ratatouille AU where Desmond can hear us and the outside POV of Al Mualim thinking the Apple broke Altaïr and the sidestory of Altaïr accidentally connecting with Ezio while looking for Desmond

Here’s the horror-esque version of this AU for this interested in that kind of setup.

.

Alright, confession time. When I was writing for the voices, my brain immediately to the ‘chat windows’ that popped up in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and in The Perks Of Being An S Class Heroine.

Then I thought, you know what would be funny? If it was like an actual chatbox with our preferred avatar kinda like this:

To make this stranger, all the avatar are like stock photos of animals and plants. This way, when their avatar finally comes to form, Desmond will be surrounded by various animals.

What happens to the ones who chose plant avatars?

My initial idea was that they would be floating plants like a leaf or a flower just floating in the air.

But then I realized…

We’re crazy enough to band together and create a ‘strange’ unique flower crown to put on Desmond’s head.

The ones that transformed into animals would go “That’s not fair! Why do you guys get to be that close to Desmond?!”

“Plant ftw, bitches!!!” A dandelion of all things would shout out, accidentally blowing itself up and floating away from Desmond, “Fuck!”

A second passed and the dandelion glitches out of existence.

Only to glitch back into the (technically floating) flower crown on Desmond’s head.

“Hey, guys, did you know it cost 1000 Helix to respawn? Fucking Ubi████.”

For those who don’t care about Ubisoft’s monetization scams (as you should), 1000 Helix is more or less $10 and they don’t sell 1000 Helix, they sell the small pack for $9.99 and it gives 1050 Helix. For reference, AC Valhalla’s complete sets (full armor + 2 weapons + mount and raven skin) usually cost around 1500 Helix.

So yeah… even though the ‘players’ have spawned in Desmond’s world, they are still haunted by monetization. (This does mean Desmond has gotten himself an immortal army of plants and animals)

[mi6ato]

Late Night

Pairing: Aki Hayakawa x Fem!reader 

Word Count: 5.5k

Content Warning: heavy nsfw, pet names , degradation, dry humping, praising, profanity, masturbation, choking

Synopsis: Whilst "finishing" some paperwork with your co-worker, things start to become a bit heated, and not just by arguing.

Playlist

18+ - Minors don’t interact.

Make sure you complete the remaining paperwork which is due by tomorrow and if not, then you’ll be working extra hours next week :) - Makima. 

Fuck. You’ve been stuck in the Public Safety building all day, and even though there were several files to proof-read and store in the cabinets, you accomplished absolutely nothing for the last five hours. Sighing, you lazily prop yourself up from the black chair and walk to the illuminated window. 

Nights like these, where the buildings shone iridescent colours of yellow and white, hearing people bustling around to get to their desired places and most of all, beginning to see the moon make its way up the cloudy sky, casting a dim but surreal light over the city, are what you couldn’t get tired of. 

You seriously craved a break, considering you killed around twenty devils this week alone, a pay-rise is certainly needed for accomplishing that much. Placing your hand against the glass, you admire the atmosphere, purely wishing to escape this damned hell-hole and live a life at ease, just like those people down below.

"Quit fucking day-dreaming."

Oh, and him. 

Aki Hayakawa, the absolute worst nightmare one could imagine. You only started working here around a month ago, but you already established how much of a prick he was. Ruthlessly cold and arrogant, Hayakawa wouldn't even bat an eye towards you whilst he was working alongside you. 

Even when you were trying to get to know him and asked the simplest of questions such as: How long have you been working here? Do you have any hobbies outside of work? Favourite manga? He'd give incredibly dry responses like why do you need to know. It doesn't matter right now, can't you see we need to work? and I don't have time to read fucking nonsense. 

At other times, he chose to scream at you if you unknowingly messed up the smallest amount. It was a distant memory, though his voice resounded within you deeply. 

Two weeks ago, you and Aki were sent out by Makima to handle a cockroach fiend. You managed to kill it, but only through 100 rough swings, leading you to bleed excessively soon afterwards. 

 You didn’t even use the devil you had a contract with, which could have obliterated the target within seconds. Your co-worker, well higher-up technically, was mad. Incredibly mad. 

“You’re so fucking stupid, thinking that you could beat the thing up just because it was a fiend. Why the hell did Makima employ you in the first place, and most importantly, why did she make me work with you.”

So he was going to be like that, huh. You figured at that point, there was no way you could approach him casually again, or else he'd act like an ass towards you. But at the same time, you couldn't wrap your head around the idea that he behaves like this all the time.

"Himeno, you've worked with that bastard, does he really always act so harsh?" 

"Eh, I mean, so long as you don't push his buttons, then he's not too bad, why?" 

"Well to be honest, I only see him as a cold-hearted bitch with no intent to at least try and get friendly, what's even the point in working with him? All he does is shout at your fucking face and expects you to do what he asks every single time, it pisses me off."  

"If it makes you feel better, when the division went out for drinks a couple of months ago, Aki got totally hungover, couldn't even speak at all so I had to drop him off to his apartment. Funny thing is, he started spewing tons of bullshit, like how he felt the urge to fuck this girl he saw whilst walking to work and how sad he was because he barely receives female attention. Everyone was dying of course because of how insane he was acting. So, don't worry if he's being bitter towards you right now, he definitely has a certain side to him that's blind to the naked eye." 

A certain side, sure. Clearly, there must be a side to him that no one has uncovered. A side that he's hiding because he doesn't want to be seen as weak or idiotic amongst his co-workers. He still has to remain at the top, maintaining the role of the most renowned devil hunter in the prefecture. If he slipped over, even once, he'd never make an appearance again because of the way people would change their entire perspective of him. Pathetic. 

Through all of this though, one thing you'd definitely admit is that he has a striking appearance, slick dark hair done up in a top-knot, his uniform ironed to perfection and his body. Holy Shit. Okay, you might call him a prick most of the time, but sometimes, when you're feeling curious, you wonder how good he'd be in- 

"Are you deaf, I asked you to stop zoning out.", you snap out of your daze and shudder, slowly turning around in order to see Aki's looming figure. 

"My bad, I'm just tired, how come you're here?" , you mutter, genuinely wondering why he's here so late since everyone else has gone home. 

"Makima told me to stay and check on you, since you're still new and what not. Seems to me you haven't done shit though during the last couple of hours, have you?"

Fuck no. You can't get into trouble with him again. There's no way you could deal with it this time round. You'd probably end up shouting the most incredulous stuff at him, like how shallow and brash he is towards you and even if you managed to slice a devil in front of his goddamn eyes, he'd still tell you to try harder next time ,making you feel like utter shit. Things like that couldn't be said out loud, so you figure it'd be best not to argue and instead just listen. But you don't. 

"I haven't, so why don't you come and do something instead of just standing there so idly, if you think you're the best worker around here". 

Aki grits his teeth and you could see, ever so slightly, that his left eye was twitching in frustration. It looks like he wants to say something, something that he usually wouldn't say. After what seems to be forever, He lets out a long sigh and replies "Fine. But for the record, I'll be informing Makima about the "work" you've completed today, don't even think you can get away with this, especially with me". 

He strides to the desk, where you left all the papers to fill out and begins sorting them with ease. It was in this moment, where you wished for him and you to just get along, if he wasn't acting so impertinent. Maybe you'd actually enjoy being in his presence if he started being nice to you. Maybe, just maybe, if you rile him up a bit, he'll listen to you. 

"And I'll inform her about how much of a self-centred bastard you are.", you retorted. 

Aki cocks his head towards you, with a grimacing look on his face. You don't care though right now, focusing instead on what you want rather than giving in. 

"Y'know how much of a pain in the ass it is to deal with hearing the same bullshit spewing out of your mouth on a daily basis? I fucking physically recoil whenever Makima tells me I have to work with you out of all people. And get this, even she says that you can be persistent with work at times, like a little try-hard." 

That'll do the job, you're sure of it. You may have lied about the last part, but you were willing to go over the edge if you wanted Aki to budge. Instead though, there's a deadly silence in the room. Saying nothing at all, he just looks at you with those dark blue eyes of his. One minute goes by. Three minutes go. For fucks sake. It's been nearly five minutes but he still stares hard into you, making your entire body shiver in fear. 

Shit, shit, shit. You realized that he'd probably tell the higher ups everything you've said to him, regardless if it was true or not. Not only that, but he'd tell your fellow co-workers, and they'd definitely despise you after that. Ah, working in the streets didn't seem so bad after all. 

"Come here." Aki places the papers onto the desk, neatly stacking them and leaving it to the side. You remain still, unable to move an inch, afraid of the endless possibilities of what he'll do next. 

"I said come here, you seriously can't hear a fucking word, huh." , he repeats, adjusting his blazer as he stands up. 

You start making your way towards him, even though you might piss any minute because of how terrified you are. If anything, you'd rather cause an accident and make an excuse to leave instead of hearing whatever he has to say to you next. Once you finally approach him, he motions you to sit on the chair. He bends over slightly, and you can already smell the musky cologne blended in with cigarette smoke from him. 

“Tell me, did you really mean everything you said?”, Aki questions, slowly placing a hand on your shoulder. Oh God. The touch of his palm alone sent a shiver through your entire body. You felt yourself blushing red, Jesus Christ , he was obviously going to catch on that you were unreasonably warm. Your mind felt hazy, but you had to keep talking or else there’d have been utterly no point in provoking him. 

“Y-yeah, of course I meant every fucking word and what are you gonna do, tell your superiors that some random girl who you believe doesn’t do shit at work insulted you, like a coward? Go on then, see if I-” , your words are abruptly stopped as his hand shuts your mouth. Shit. It reeks of cigarette, but it feels oddly tender against your lips. You want to break free from his hold but right now, at this moment, you give in, slumping down. 

"Listen, I don't fucking care whether you like me or not, in all fairness, I couldn't give two shits if you told Makima, because at the end of the day, I’m still your higher up, so even if you went around telling our entire goddamn division that I've been acting hasty towards you, chances of them actually caring are low as hell.", he sneers, his grip tightening around your mouth ever so slightly, but the sheer slightness made you wince, sinking you downwards on the chair.

In this position though, you came to realize how huge his hands are compared to your face and holy hell, his fingers. They were gracefully slender and oh, so intricate. Your mind began to wonder elsewhere, those unwanted thoughts slowly beginning to creep in.. you were helpless at this point. Aki let go, lightly tapping his foot whilst he waited for your response, but you were still immersed in your little fantasy, evident by the way your eyes were dozing off. 

“Am I talking to a fucking dog right now, or are you just going to keep spacing out with that hideous look of yours.” Oops. 

“Uh-huh, I mean- No, I heard you the first time.” 

“Is that it? You’re not even going to apologize? After everything you’ve just said to me in the span of ten minutes.” Aki answers, his tone deeper than it was before. He straightens his already taut posture and glowers at you. Oh God. 

There was something rather thrilling about seeing him so worked up about you, knowing that this was the first time you garnered so much attention from him. All other attempts of trying to at least hold a small conversation whilst you were partnered up with him never seemed to be successful. But now, now that you’ve finally got him under your control, he’s forced to take notice of you. You yearn for more. 

“Apologize? Pft, I was speaking the truth, you scolding me isn’t going to do anything and quite frankly, I have friends in our division who are amusing and fun to be around. Unlike some people who think it’s okay to act like a bitch 24/7.” 

His eyes widen but nevertheless, he keeps that cool, stoic composure. How much more did you have to say for him to snap? You ponder for a bit, trialling the different ways you could approach this situation in your head. 

“So you’re going to be like that, chatting like a runt to me when you clearly don’t fucking understand who’s in charge here” , an enraged expression forming as he speaks, “ If I were you, I’d try and actually get some shit done if you don’t want to get fired, but it seems that everything I say to you goes through one ear and out the other.” Letting out a heavy exhale, he re-adjusts his blazer, trying so hard to keep his cool. 

“A runt. Is that what you really see me as? Maybe this is why I choose not to listen to a fucker like you. I’ve worked my ass off this week, but you’d clearly know, wouldn’t you?” you insisted. 

Aki chews his lips, fiddling with his fingers before remarking “I think, if you’re going to continue acting this way, you need some lessons retaught, I’m talking the basic principles since filth like you have no fucking clue what it means to respect those who are only trying to help.” 

Stress mounts your head, “Help? Yeah, as if you’re helping me at all. What lessons do you even need to re-teach me anyways, I'm not a goddamn child.” What the hell was he going to explain to you, how to show some decent manners? Of course you knew that, for God’s sake. 

Wasn’t it clear to him that you’re fed up with his antics, that you’re just trying to get him off the leash a little. This is gonna take so long. Way too long for your liking. 

“Get over here then, and I’ll show you”, Aki tilts his head a bit, signalling you to come over with his finger as he walks to the desk. 

You stroll with him, taking a peek at how neatly the papers are stacked on top of each other, and how they were arranged in alphabetical order. Wow. He certainly takes attention to detail seriously. You want to praise him all of a sudden, for how agile but engrossed he is with his tasks that weren't even meant to be assigned to him. 

“Hey, did anyone ever mention how well you sort-” 

Out of nowhere, you feel something seize the back of your head, shoving you onto the desk. You smack against the concrete wood and cry out in pain. 

“Jesus, what the fuck are you doing”, you yell, shaking around frantically to try and loosen the ever-strengthening grip at the nape of your neck. 

“Dirt doesn't deserve to be taught shit I realized, and you undoubtedly seem to be the dirtiest of them all. I don’t fucking know why I bother with lost causes these days, all they do is make my head writhe in disgust.” , he goads, digging his hands into your neck until it turns bright red. He’s cut access to air, rendering you unable to breathe properly. You struggle within his grasp, failing to break free. God, you were going to die right now in the most wretched way possible. But, the harder he latched onto you, the more you wanted to let out a- 

“H-hah.” Oh. no.  

“Oh? What was that, I didn’t quite catch you” , Aki chides, but you see a smirk beginning to form on his face. He fucking heard. 

“I-I want you to let go of me, it fucking hurts like hell.”

“Really? It seems to me that you were enjoying being pushed around, or did I mishear that noise coming out of you”, he slowly began to release you but as he did , Aki angled your body, so that you were facing directly at him.

“God, please can you go, I’m already tired enough as it is.” And in distress. How on earth were you going to work with him again, after he heard you moan whilst fucking suffocating you. You can’t even register why you did that, you were on the verge of passing out, yet you couldn’t repress that disgusting sound coming out of your mouth. 

“That’s not a good enough reason, and you didn’t even answer my question” he countered, narrowing his eyelids. 

For fucks sake. This man was clearly going to push you on and on, to the point where he’d drive you mentally insane. You couldn’t even deny the allegations he hurled at you though, filling you with fervent anger. 

“Okay, maybe I did fucking moan when you were choking me, but that doesn’t mean I felt good from it. If anything, I feel sickened by you. A bit traumatized even.” 

“You’re a shit liar.” 

His words bang in your head, making you feel unsteady. Those 4 words alone made you want to retch, he wasn’t buying into your games anymore. He most certainly wasn’t planning on feeding into them either. 

You had 2 debilitating choices. Leave so you could get away from him, but ultimately you’d get nothing done and probably get fired. Or, you could stay, but you’d be suffering in the hands of your higher up, who was already giving you a fucking hard time. 

No matter what though, everyone in your division would find out about what you did, and soon enough, it’d spread to the entire workforce. 

You might as well just die at this point. 

“I’d never lie, Aki. You’re a bastard, and I hope everyone finds out about your feeble antics”, you scowled at him, attempting to maintain your coolness so that you wouldn’t lash out like a feral cat again. 

Aki looks at you, but doesn’t say anything. You wonder what’s going through his mind right now, whether he actually cares about what you’ve said or if he’s just trying to process the fact that you’re fucking crazy. You honestly couldn’t tell at this point. 

Checking the time, it’s already gone past 1. Now it’s been 7 hours. You’ve roughly completed 25% of the work, but the 25% was Aki’s doing. Great. 

“God, we’ve wasted so much time arguing, please can I just finish my assignment, you’ve done enough helping as it is”, you affirmed. 

The throbbing pain in your head finally eased, so you managed yourself up, slowly but surely. It would have given you great joy if you passed out in front of Aki, the fucker would have realized how drained out you were. Flashes of black and white entered your periphery as you tried to regain vigour, exactly how long were you slammed down for… you didn’t have a clue. The last time you felt like this was when you accidentally snorted cocaine whilst peeking in your dad’s cupboard. That certainly was an interesting time. 

“I’m gonna continue, thanks for helping I guess, and for the record, whatever happened here stays here. I think that’s a pretty solid plan, don’t you think?” , you propose as you sit down on the desk chair. 

Aki moves closer, leaning his face in so that he can get a clearer view of you. You didn’t realize how tall he was, probably 6 feet, or more to be fair. The feeling of superiority lingered between you both whenever you worked alongside one another. Though he was your higher-up, even if he was an average colleague or loosely something along those lines, you’d still feel like a fucking ant compared to him. 

“Nah. I think I have a better idea in mind.” , Aki muses, his navy eyes piercing into you yet again. This time though, there was no hint of distaste or pure hatred coming from them like they used to. It seemed there was a hint of compassion and even, you refused to believe it, a trace of lust. Lust. There was no way that Aki had any intention of doing anything of the sort with you, considering the terms you were on with him currently were not great. Although… The smallest thought lingers through your mind;

Maybe he does want to fuck me

Another thought races into you; 

And I want to fuck him. 

Ah shit. As much you hated to confess, your love life wasn’t exactly exceptional. Occasional hook-ups, sure. The ones that you got into though, were boring and mundane. You couldn't even remember the last time you had a one night stand with someone, one, no, two years ago. It was heart-breaking. When you first started working at Public Safety, you knew it’d be best to cast your concerns of romance aside, it was an issue to deal with another day. 

Now… maybe this could be your chance. Your chance of finally satisfying that unkempt desire burning deep within you. What you were about to do was ludicrous but fuck it, you only lived once. Heart pounding erratically, your hand traces up his shirt and to his collar. 

Seizing him, you murmur “Oh really, what kind of idea?”, pulling him closer to your face. Rubbing his chin, you whisper into his ear “If I were to guess, I think your so-called idea is fucking me right here, right now.” You can feel Aki’s neck suddenly become more heated, and you can’t help but grin. 

He slaps your hand away. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, just shut up. I’ve had enough of this, I’ll tell Makima to give you an extension or something.”, Aki stutters, his face becoming flustered so much that he turns away. He starts making his way towards the door, ready to unlock it and leave.

 You can tell how agitated and disoriented he is, by the way he fumbles the keys out of his blazer pocket and the uncoordinated movement of his legs. 

No. 

After all of this, you can’t just have him leave you. You’d be so fucking embarrassed if you turned up to work tomorrow and saw him again, after all the things you said and did to him. It’d permanently haunt your mind as long as you continued working here. You rise up and hurry to him. Grabbing Aki, you turn him around and shift his focal point towards you. 

“Look at me Aki, please, I can already tell how frustrated you are by all of this. By me. I’m sorry for all the bullshit I’ve said to you, but I can’t tell what you want from me. One minute, you’re yelling at me because I’m apparently not doing my job correctly, and the next you shut your mouth and refuse to even acknowledge my presence. Just tell me what you want.”, you insisted, narrowing your eyes at him. 

He stays mute, yet again. 

Beginning to lose hope, you mutter “See you tomorrow then.” and start heading back to your desk to try and complete the paperwork that was supposed to be finished hours ago. 

Out of nowhere, you feel something grip your arm, making you stop dead in your tracks. It was Aki’s hand. 

“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much” , he states, tightening his hold on you. 

“Well no shit, I figured so why don’t you just le-” , your words are halted as his lips press onto yours, begging for you to indulge in this moment. 

His tongue slips into your mouth, whirling around your inside. Fuckk. You can’t help but groan, it was so sudden, yet you felt so good. Craving for more, you push his head further in, so that his tongue drives itself deeper into your throat. Oh God. You were struggling to breathe, but if he wanted to play like this, you’d do the exact same. You force your sloppy tongue inside him, exploring the crevices of his mouth. The sweet taste of him made you twitch, it was other-worldly. Aki pushes you against the wall hurriedly, so desperate for more. Pulling away from him, you catch a few breaths, wiping the sweat that was already forming on your face. Wow. Aki’s hands cup your face and you hear him mumble

“And y’know what else I hate? I hate that you’re so fucking addicting. It hurts my dick every night.” 

What. 

“The hell do you mean by that? I- please elaborate.” you stumble upon your words, attempting to process what Aki just said to you. 

He raises his voice ,“You heard me. Ever since you stepped foot into this damn building, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The way you strolled to Makima’s office without a care in the world, and spoke with such transparency even though you knew no one, made me fucking envious. I simply despised the way you were being praised and held so highly by everyone, and you hadn’t even been here for a week.” 

Your face plasters with shock. Aki, Aki Hayakawa, the most esteemed devil hunter at Public Safety, was jealous of you. Despite how slightly amused you were hearing that from him, your mind was mixed with confusion and chaos. He still didn’t explain what he meant by those last words he uttered. 

“I get that, well, most of it since I really can’t comprehend why you out of all people would be so irritated with me. After all, you’re the most driven individual at work, how could I get in the way of anything?”, you implore, running your hand down his silken face. Aki pursed his lips, turning the faintest pink and looked down.  

“What did you mean by those last words too? Or was it just in the moment.” God, you seriously intended for it be some shitty prank, it sounded demented coming out of his mouth. 

He glanced back up at you, smiling slyly as he took your hand and began kneading your fingers. 

“Oh, I wasn’t lying. You have such an alluring figure and fuck, those lips of yours. So pink and luscious. I wanted to savour you so badly, every single day. Every goddamn day, as soon as I arrived home, I headed to the bathroom and stroked my dick relentlessly whilst I thought about you undressing, sucking me off, all sorts of obscene shit. I came so much, so much to the point where I was in pain. It hurt that I couldn’t approach you because you joined Kishibe’s division and not mine. It hurt that you managed to shit talk every guy you stumbled upon, but not me. And most of all, it hurt that even if I did attempt to speak to you, I’d shy away, afraid of messing up my chances.”

“Chances of what?”, cocking your eyebrow at him. Everything he was saying to you, it was definitely surprising but holy shit, you couldn’t get enough of the fact that you directly consumed his mind. It felt electrifying, knowing that he pleasured himself because of you. And God, that sultry grin of his. It’s as if he wanted you to give in, solely wanting you to get on with it. You wanted to as well, but curiosity got the best of you this time round. 

Aki clasped your shoulders and whispered into your ear ,

“Of making you mine.” 

The sonorous intonation made you quiver with delight. His hot breath trailed down your skin, squeezing your legs as the sensation tingled throughout your entire body. Dear God. 

Pure adrenaline entrails you and within seconds, you shove him onto the chair and propped yourself on his lap. You catch a glimpse of his arm making its way up to your waist, clutching your hip. He’s seriously desperate for this. For you. 

“Tell me Aki, do you really need me?” , you muse, brushing his bangs away so you could get a better look at those divine sapphire eyes. They reminded you of the ocean at night, the waves hitting the coastline ever so softly, but its next moves were unpredictable. The wave could either be calm, or surge with malice. Aki was the exact same. So perplexing he was, you wished to uncover each sophisticated layer of him, no matter how long it took. 

“Yeah, I do need you, so fucking badly. I crave for every single inch of you, I want to be inside you”., his voice is strained, trying so hard to hold back. 

“How much Aki, hmm” , you begin grinding on his crotch, pressing your hands onto his chest for balance. He was needy, and you were going to make him ever more so. Quickening your pace, your body worked into him harder, feeling his bulge throbbing beneath you. It already felt so huge, fuck, it was exhilarating. You’d never felt this aroused before, not like the other times. He didn’t even have to do anything, but you could already feel your panties dampening at the sheer sight of him screwing up in libido.

“Hn-ngh, so, so much, f-fuck, too fast, you’re going way-” 

“A-Aki, you wanted this, right”, your hands enfold the back of his head, bending in to smother succulent licks down his neck. 

“Of course I do, a-at least let me touch you, I wanna make you feel high, so high that you cum for me as much as I did for you.”

“A-ah, please, please touch me Aki. Fuck me up so badly that I can’t even breathe after we’re done.” , you purr, frantically moaning out as the friction between his fully erect dick and your soaked clit rises. 

That does it for him. Those vulgar words slurring out of those seemingly innocent lips, the way that you arched your back whilst dry-humping him, God, he was ready to do this all night. Ready to strip you down and fuck you senseless, that you’re only calling out his name whilst you’re at your tipping point. Even if his cock was aching to fill you up, he wanted to take his time, focusing on each intricate part of you that he’d be fantasizing about for so long. 

It happens so fast, too fast that you couldn’t even fathom what he’d do next. He’s untucking your shirt, lifting it up and planting small pecks on your stomach. His warm touch on your bare skin alone was enough for you to squirm. He wasn’t done though. Far from it. 

His hands reach to your bra, and it’s as if he’s skilled in this profession. Unclipping it swiftly, he tosses it onto the floor, taking no time to fondle your tits, stroking circles around. 

“D’you like this? Tell me you like this baby.” Aki pants, seeing your face blossom with pleasure as his thumbs press into your breasts fervently.  

“Y-yeah, I do, need more, hah, so much more.”, your pupils shimmering with intense desire at him. 

“Beg for me then. If you don’t, you aren’t getting fucked. Simple.” 

Right. This was payback for much you toyed with him, but you’re too caught up in the moment to even care.

 “Aki, please-” , he pinches your nipples, twisting them as you squeal out in pain. 

“It’s Sir, already forgetting how to address your higher ups?”

“F-fuck, Aki sir, I only crave you. Your touch. Your voice. Give me all of it, please.” 

"Oh hell yeah, been waiting to mess you up for so fucking long.” , his formal tone fully leaves him, though he honestly couldn’t have given two shits whether or not he sounded professional anymore. Aki was already overwhelmed with all the work he had to finish, particularly this one. 

Sticking his tongue out, he proceeded to your left breast, dragging his hands down to your hips. Rolling it against your tit, you convulsed within his touch. His mouth was skilled, way too skilled for your liking. Saliva trailing between your nipple and his mouth as he released, a smug grin formed on his face. 

“God Aki , you're so good, so fucking good” , you whimper, digging your nails into his back skin.

“Y-yeah, this isn't enough for me though, not in the slightest" Aki says through harsh breaths, moaning at how brash you scratch his back. 

He returns to suck on your right tit, this time with incessant movement, making sure he feels how hard it's becoming. You could tell how desperate, how frustrated he was. He wanted you for so long, yet he waited until you gave the call. This only made you wetter. 

"Ha-, fuck Aki , I'm gonna-" 

You feel your underwear slick with cum and pant heavily. Aki notices and wastes no time to unbutton your trousers and throw them aside. 

You're embarrassed. If you were aware of the events that would occur today, then you could have put in a little bit more effort with what you were wearing underneath. Your underwear wasn't even laced either, they were pink. And striped. 

"Shit- I swear I don't wear these all the time.." , you mutter. 

"Honestly, I couldn't care less, you've already coated them with your juices”, he tugs you and leans in to mumble 

“Now I can finally have a taste of you.” 

[catchyhuh]

my fave lupin iii blog .... give me your wisdom

cologne / perfume scents for the gang

i had to do an embarrassing amount of research on this one. mostly because perfume lore goes a lot deeper than i ever could have imagined and i wanted to give you something GOOD so ALL THAT SAID if any of you disagree with this you may be right. i did five quizzes, read up on multiple blogs from the 2000s, learned the "scent families" and at the end of the day just gave up and typed "douchiest colognes" into google

lupin: generally speaking, regardless of WHAT he's getting, any "subtle" notes are going to now have the force of a freight train the way he's practically bathing in this stuff. which is pretty rough when already coupled with really strong, amber-y scent type shit. lupin's cologne does not smell light and pleasant, it smells like you walked into a dark red cloud, which is ironic considering the conclusion i came to was dolce and gabbana light blue. people fucking hate this smell, despite parts of it sounding good in theory, and since lupin's shitty cologne has been addressed canonically numerous times, i feel this is it. even a tiny bit of this perfume makes so many people seem to wither like flowers in the sun so i can only imagine what happens when a guy who's been dunktanking himself in this walks in the room

jigen: again, its kind of overpowering. not because he overdoes it like lupin, but again, these are just not very subtle people, and even if jigen does SEEM reserved, he likes making a scene just as much as the others in the right environment. like, a mix of amber and woodsy types. i ended up on dior fahrenheit on this one and it made me realize both lupin and jigen using like, excessively common brands makes sense. for lupin its brand recognition, for jigen it's convenience. he probably smelled this in the fucking 90s and just committed to it since

fujiko: this was simultaneously the hardest and easiest, because i kept looking trying so damn hard to figure this out, to pinpoint what would SCREAM fujiko while still being unique enough to appeal to her lavish tastes, but NORMIE enough that i would be able to read up the notes on perfume reddit (they seem to know what they're talking about there) only to realize. wait. this is the same bitch who won't even keep her hair dyed the same color all the time. fujiko has no specific fashion sense beyond "stylish and with the current times" and i feel that's what applies to her perfume too. well and. hot. i guess. stylish, current, and hot. that's like 50 bottles right off the bat. regardless, it'll always be bold. thats right baby we're at amber AGAIN, but because she doesn't wanna scare off potential prey there's always a faint undertone of sweet flowers. she's smart like that even her perfume is calculated.

goemon: my man does not wear cologne on any occasion. he thinks its silly because you can smell good for free if you just fucking. bathe. why pay 80 dollars to smell bad? HOWEVER (as just established) goemon is bathing and 90% of shampoos/bodywashes have a scent. and goemon's is very... crisp. kinda citrus-y at times? this is the most mundane answer (and the most accessible they got this shit at walmart) but you know that mint teatree shampoo? he's got the faintest hint of that specific scent lingering on him

zenigata: this is going to sound so funny and mean but like. imagine if a smell was trying to look cool but just kind of making an ass of itself. i feel like that's what he'd have, regardless of if the cologne did actually smell good on anyone else, it'd feel just a bit overzealous on him. it was way difficult to find something that made sense to me but wasnt like, again, 80 fucking dollars, because you know for a fact he's spending 15 tops. and that's if he even remembers to wear it. at best, for some reason, i feel like he'd be a sandalwood guy but i can't really place why? honestly i was kinda ready to give up until i saw GREY FUCKING FLANNEL BABY!!! THIS SHIT IS DIRT CHEAP HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE 70S AND APPARENTLY EVERYBODY'S DAD KNEW SOMEBODY WHO WORE THIS! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN IT? SANDALWOOD!!!!!!

now i can finally close all these fucking perfumania tabs

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Total $hit$how: A Wealth of New Information

in which Kaius learns exactly the sort of people he'll be working with

cw: adult/crude language

masterlist ///// next

×~×~×

With a group like this, they were clearly being set up to fail. 

Kaius had been the first to arrive in the briefing area, thus he'd had more time than anyone else to analyze the scene and draw his conclusions. The room itself was relatively small, with furnishings that were all a monotonic gray. Its walls were reinforced and there was a heavy lock on the singular door. A place to speak on classified matters that could swiftly be repurposed to detain. Fitting, he supposed. He'd been told the team would be composed of criminals. Which Kaius himself technically was, but he counted his crimes far less significant than his reasons for running.

The second individual to enter was a tall, broad-chested man, dark dreads pulled away from his face by a band, shiny shoes and ironed shirt suggesting he was accustomed to working indoors. An attorney, perhaps, or some kind of analyst.

Not far behind him was a stout woman in a black tank top. Hardly professional attire, but Kaius supposed she was the type who would rather show off her biceps than maintain an air of respectability.

“No shit. Jericho?”

“Joy? Man, how long has it been?”

And they knew each other. This could prove irritating. Kaius tried to tune out their prattling. He had no interest in whatever prior circumstances had led them to meet, especially when the next person was entering, ready to be observed.

It was a lanky man with long, loose hair and an excessive amount of eye makeup. It seemed the batch grew worse with every new addition. Was he really expected to work with these people? Perhaps he was to be granted a consultant-type role. Act as the brain of this new system and prevent the group from making stupid choices. He could do that. Pointing out stupidity was certainly one of Kaius's strengths.

The door swung open a fourth time, and the final member of the team sauntered in. It seemed he'd been correct to assume that each new addition decreased in quality. This man looked like he'd neither slept nor bathed in days. His clothes were crumpled, his colored hair wild. The bags under his eyes and twitchy expression only added to Kaius’s doubts.

He hoped their assignment was nothing significant. Their efforts were surely doomed.

The one saving grace was that no one attempted to engage him in conversation while the group awaited instruction. Aside from the chatter of the first two—Jericho and Joy, was it?—the room was silent.

The door opened once more, this time admitting a pair of men who actually had the look of professionals. One an older white man, with gray streaking his hair and beard, the other perhaps in his thirties, with dark hair that curled near the top.

“Good evening,” the older one said. There was an easy smile on his face that his younger compatriot didn't attempt to match. “Glad to see everyone could make it.”

The man with the colored hair snorted. “Up until an hour ago, I thought I'd been arrested. Didn't think I had a choice.”

Kaius didn't know how the man managed to hold onto his smile.

“Nevertheless, welcome aboard, Mr. Harbor.” He addressed the room. “My name is Victor, but you are all welcome to call me Vic. I will be acting as your handler during your employment here.”

Joy’s hand went up. “Question. Is that handler as in… agents and stuff?”

“It would be in that vein, yes.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We weren't brought in to spy or anything, were we? That's not exactly my specialty.”

Vic laughed. Kaius couldn't see what was so funny.

“No, nothing like that. At least not the sort of spying you're picturing in your heads. The agency has a… highly specialized mission in mind that will require all of your unique skills and talents.”

“And I assume we get to hear what this mission is?”

“Correct. Sahota? Secure the door.”

The younger of the pair turned, sliding the lock into place without so much as a shift in his expression. Not the friendly type. Kaius thought they might get along.

“Have you all ever heard of Rotorworx? I know Mr. Harbor has.”

A grin split Harbor’s face, but no one else seemed to show recognition. Kaius thought the name sounded familiar, but he had no memory to attach to it.

“Rotorworx is a very…ambitious tech company," Vic continued. "They are fond of big, outlandish ideas. Tampering with the impossible.”

Joy nodded. “I can get behind that.”

“Then I hope you won't be disappointed to hear that your mission will be to destroy some of their experimental tech, Miss Cavan.”

“Wait, destroy it?” the big guy, Jericho, spoke up. “Why?”

Vic cleared his throat. “As I said, they're tampering with the impossible. Fingerfucking reality, to put it crassly.” He grinned into the silence that had fallen over the room. Even Harbor stopped fidgeting.

“The company has made some…questionable choices in the past, but our intel suggests their latest project is a machine that can open a gate between realities.”

“No shit,” Joy whispered. When Kaius glanced at her, she and Jericho were giving each other a Look. He'd seen similar exchanges of the Look on multiple occasions, most notably at university, when a pair of students thought something was a load of bull. He couldn't find himself disagreeing, but if destroying a machine kept him out of the clutches of his family, he wasn't about to complain.

“We've heard every test has been both unsuccessful and disastrous, yet Rotorworx continues to escalate, despite having seen how catastrophic that has gone in the past.” 

Kaius leaned forward, interlocking his fingers. “Why do you keep looking at Mr. Harbor?” he asked. It seemed a reasonable query. If Vic’s eyes landed on Harbor every time he made a mention of a disaster or questionable choice, Kaius needed to know why.

Harbor lifted his chin, looking down his nose at Kaius. “Because I'm a special boy.”

Vic moved behind Harbor's chair, resting his hands on the back of it. “Mr. Harbor was a subject in one of Rotorworx’s past experiments. If this team runs into any unpredictable technology, we believe his implant might give you an advantage.”

Joy’s hand went up again. “Hold up. Implant?”

Harbor tapped his temple. “I see shit you could never imagine. Makes me quicker on my feet."

“A subsect of Rotorworx attempted to crack clairvoyance,” Vic explained. “Mr. Harbor was the only subject for whom the experiment was moderately successful.”

Joy narrowed her eyes. “I think I read about that. Didn't everyone they tested on, uh…” Her gaze darted to Harbor for a split second. “...Damage their psyche?”

If it was meant as an insult, Harbor didn't pick up on it. “Can't break what's already broken,” he said, folding his arms behind his head and reclining in his chair. 

“The rest of you,” Vic continued, “have your own specialties. As you train together, I trust you'll learn the best way to play to one anothers’ strengths.” He laid a hand on the shoulder of the man beside him, giving it a squeeze. “Now Sahota, will you finish off the mission brief? I need to see if intelligence has an update for us.”

“Of course, sir.” Sahota remained stiff-backed, scanning the group before him with a cool look in his eyes. Once Vic had closed the door, he moved to the table, opening a white plastic binder to a page that looked like a building’s floorplan.

“As Vic said previously, you are being tasked with the destruction of the Reality Cage.”

The man with the heavy eye makeup snorted at that, the first sound Kaius had heard him make.

“I'm sorry, the what now?”

Sahota leveled his gaze at him. “The impossible technology Rotorworx is developing. Pay attention.”

The man rolled his eyes. “I paid attention. Just think that's a ridiculous name, yeah?”

Sahota did not appear amused. Though, Kaius noted, Joy and Jericho did. Should he be entertained as well? 'Reality Cage' was just two words strung together. He didn't see the humor in them.

“The Reality Cage is set to begin its second phase of testing in a matter of weeks. We don't know the extent of the damage it will do, but statistics suggest it could spell catastrophe for the city if fully activated.”

“Wild I got hired on to stop a machine from spelling,” the man with the makeup muttered, earning a snicker from Jericho. 

Sahota snapped the binder shut. “Benji Ruebin,” he said. “Why are you here?”

The man, Benji, seemed caught off guard. “Well I… what? What do you mean why am I here? You're the ones who asked for me, aren't you?”

“And why did you agree? You're a thief, Ruebin. This job won't give you the money your skillsets could earn you elsewhere. So why are you here?”

“Because—”

“Because if you didn't agree to this mission, you'd be rotting in jail right now. All of you would.” Sahota’s eyes landed on Kaius, and he felt a chill go through him at the coldness there.

“With a few exceptions. But your situation isn't much better, is it Mr. Manak?” He turned back to Benji. “What do you think, Ruebin? Can you make it in prison? Or are you going to shut up and listen?”

Benji bent his head, pantomiming zipping his lips.

“Good.” He flipped the binder back open. “Rotorworx has dozens of locations within the city, but we've narrowed our targets down to three. From there, we still need to uncover exactly where the Cage is.” He raised his chin. “And that's where you all will come in. Rotorworx is a billion dollar company. They treat security like a form of art. Once you enter the target location, you'll face armed guards, an assortment of surveillance systems, and traps.”

“Did you say traps?” Joy was leaning in, glancing at the binder. “What is this, a movie?”

“Rotorworx considers their research top secret. As a larger-than-life company, we are anticipating larger-than-life countermeasures.”

Sahota stood, leaving the binder open on the table. “You'll find the data we've gathered from the three potential locations in there. Study it in your spare time. Vic has placed me in charge of your training for these next few weeks.” He cast a final glance over his shoulder. “Wish I could say I trust that you won't disappoint me, but I don't. Start taking this seriously, or you're going to start dying.”

“Are you leaving?” Jericho half-stood. “What should we do? Are we restricted to this room?”

“Go where you want within the facility,” Sahota answered. “Locked doors will stay locked if you know what's good for you. Training starts in the morning.”

“And where are you off to, huh? Aren't you on the team?” Harbor threw his head back, looking at Sahota half-upsidedown. “You didn't even tell us about your special talents.”

The man narrowed his eyes. “I report directly to Vic. You all report to me. Don't make us regret this.”

And with that, he was gone. Kaius took the opportunity to slide the binder towards himself, leafing through its pages. 

“Woof,” Joy muttered. “Who do you think tops?”

Benji let out a chuckle. “Definitely Vic. You heard Sahota talking.”

“Haven't heard someone say sir with such fervor since the army.”

“You were in the army?”

Kaius tuned them out. The binder’s pages were laughably scarce. Was this all the information they had to go off of? There was nothing but a few mismatched floorplans and the name of a suspected security system in use. They really were doomed, weren't they?

On top of the scant intelligence, Kaius's new team was… lacking. The more talkative three were gossiping and giggling about their new bosses, and Harbor had already left the room. 

As much as he didn't want to take charge of the situation, it seemed that no one else was willing to act responsibly.

Kaius loudly cleared his throat. “As enticing as it may be to discuss our handler's sexual habits, perhaps we should focus on the task at hand,” he said. “Familiarizing ourselves with the binder is the only order we've been given, and it seems you're already ignoring it.”

“And who are you?” Benji said.

“Mr. Manak,” Joy answered for him.

“Manak. As in the Manak family?”

“A family name usually insinuates the presence of a family,” Kaius muttered.

“Yeah, but you aren't just the Manak son, you're the Manak heir.” Benji laughed. “My old crew talked about robbing you once.”

“No shit, we got a rich boy on the team?” Joy leaned forward, elbows on the table, chin in one hand. “So what are you doing here?”

“I think that's my business.” Truth be told, he was as curious about them as they were about him. All criminals, he knew that much, but what were their crimes? As long as he was here, he supposed he could entertain himself with uncovering a few more secrets. No doubt even Vic and Sahota had some of their own, though that would prove treacherous ground to tread on.

“Hey, he's right.” Jericho was speaking now. “We don't know exactly what we're getting ourselves into. Maybe we should focus less on the personal aspect and more on the things that will get us killed.”

At least someone in the group could be reasoned with. Kaius picked up the binder and carried it to the other side of the table, laying it before the others.

“There isn't much.”

“It's a start,” Jericho said. “And hey, I know the system they're using. I've hacked that dozens of times.”

“One of the systems,” Kaius corrected him. “There's bound to be more.”

They scanned all seven pages included in the binder, finding nothing he hadn't already made a mental note of. When he was absolutely certain he hadn't missed a detail, Kaius stood.

“No sense in wasting more time on this. I'm going to have a look around.”

“I guess… we'll come with you.” Joy stood as well. “Got nothing better to do.”

This must be why he was here. To keep the group on task when the handlers weren't present.

But even with his guidance, even with the team's newfound willingness to cooperate, Kaius couldn't shake his initial gut feeling.

They were being set up to fail.

[thebunniesgrim]

Ok so wait  

So, the recent episode of Helluva Boss made me...  

Think.  

About something. 

I know, right? so scary  

But oops made me stop for a second (as much as I like one could say love the episode)  

Are the sinners worse than the literal 7 deathly sins?  

I know it's a little early to say this considering hazbin hotel hasn't come out yet and helluva boss hasn't shown us all the 7 deadly sins, yet you know?  

But considering our track record with Asmodeus not thinking lust should be forced and Beelzebub not encouraging overindulgence or overindulgence for the wrong reasons (when she tells Loona "like hey he a mess and killing the vibe k?”)  

(Also, I feel like the Asmodeus thing is a damned if you do damned if you don't thing honestly there was no winning with this one viv would have gotten flamed either way. I don’t have a gripe with it either way  )  

Are the sinners worse than them? Like Valentino is an abuser and uses angle dust and others for his body in more ways than one. Alastor is allegedly a cannibal (can that be seen as gluttony or some other sin? Other than it being morality wrong to eat people), angel overuses drugs, husk drink to an excess Yada Yada Yada  

....so, like who are the real demons?  

(That was the gotcha moment the whole time.)

Hazbin Hotel pitch: "Maybe the real demons (or redemption) were the friends we made along the way *rainbow emoji*"

You're telling me that Valentino can just sexually assault folks and get them doped up on magical cigar smoke, but Asmodeus doesn't believe that diddling people without consent is just too far?  

Ok yeah totally  

Because honestly what's next?  

Is Belphegor gonna recommend we get the daily recommended amount of sleep and to put healthy breaks in between tasks? (watch her be a doctor)  

Is mammon gonna vouch for ethical consumerism and hoarding money is bad?  

Wait no, let me guess!  

Leviathan is gonna tell us about that envy in small doses as motivation is healthy but too much and it's not?  

Is Lucifer gonna be like yo Dawgs being prideful in one's achievements is totally radical but don't be a dick about it  

Is satin gonna like to tell us getting angry is ok but pointing one's anger towards other is totally uncool?  

Because he'll doesn't seem like a doomed eternity it just seems like a playground, they aren't even being like damned for their sins  

It's like the purge but slightly more civil  

How is a sinner gonna be worst that a demon?  

I am very aware expecting Viv to give us correct demon mythos is a tall order and not realistic at all, but I don’t think we can stay any farther from the 7 deadly sins in their basic boiled down forms, you know? Like money, anger, ego, sex, food, lazy, and jealously.  

They are demons! You can have kind and sweet demons like minion from the Cuphead show he's a sweet heart but he still encourages the devil to be the devil  

Or even king dice (not a demons but a bad person he works for the devil) he has sympatric qualities but he's still a bad guy. Same with the devil too if you look hard enough  

They are still demons people have a negative connotation with them why not make them morally gray? Like “you can cut some guys arm off if both parties are into it, I don’t care just ask first” that would be kinda funny. But also, he values consent to a fault he doesn’t care about them being safe but as long as you asked its fine.

Asmodeus:

Or if like cheat days turn into cheat years idk  

It just seems like the 7 deadly sins are just guys and the sinners are just worse than them 

Like look at pilot of Hazbin and look all the non-sense they do then look at Helluva it’s so sanitized comparatively it's kinda funny ngl  

If the sinners, the worst of the worst of humans and this is how soft the demon royales are like pilot hazbin would bully the hell (heh) out of Helluva

Lol is the pride ring just a bunch of uncivilized edgy children when everyone else just kinda looks on in utter horror? Now that I wouldn’t mind  :)

small rant about the Hazbin hotel piolt

Why does Charlie call the sinners her people in the pilot?  

Like I feel like her people are the hell born like her, the deadly sins, the imps, the succubus and so on 

You know her people the demons and junk who are like her kin of sort?

Also why is over population such a problem? It seems like a fitting punishment to me if there's limited space seems like a good thing, no?  

Are they not here to suffer?  

Also why not just allow the sinners to wander the other rings? Why are they only in pride?  

What's the point of the other rings? Why are they named after sins if they aren't going to be used by the sinners? 

ok bye :)

[fumblingmusings]

Lukewarm Coffee and Plum Rice Pudding

Absolutely pure schmop for USUK. Alfred needs a break. Arthur is making old man dessert. They are both tired and more than a little in love. Very chaste romance below, just stretching writing muscles in the present tense. Enjoy!

Arthur’s house is small. It is small, old, and smells of syrup and plums. When Alfred inquires as to why, England gives him a very funny look, as if the other man is as stupid as Arthur’s frequent insults suggest. He simply states that if Alfred cared to look in the kitchen, he would see the vat bubbling away on the hob. 

America ponders how he is to do such a thing, considering he is still standing on England’s porch. 

He says as much, and Arthur scrunches his nostrils. There is dirt, America notes, on the bridge of said nose. Most likely mud from the garden (for where else would the plums have come from?), the result of Arthur rubbing his skin, perpetually sniffing as if he has a cold. Alfred suspects it is something akin to hay fever and it would go away if Arthur bothered to take something as simple as an antihistamine. He wouldn’t, of course, because Arthur refuses to take anyone’s advice, no matter its practicality. 

Alfred remains under the tiny portico.

“Are you going to let me in? It’s cold.”

“It’s fifteen.”

Alfred nods, as if that number means anything to him. (It does, when he thinks about it for longer than a second. He tries often to not do so).

Still, Arthur steps back, muttering something about making Alfred take off his muddy shoes and leave them at the door. England then disappears down the tight hallway, turning left behind the stairs and returning to his kitchen. The sound of a radio station playing, some odd indie music, seems to be coming from the area.

Alfred follows his nose and ears, and sure enough, a rather large pot is bubbling away, making a sticky sound when Arthur goes to stir. Not burnt. Yet. Arthur lowers the volume of his radio, the announcer declaring it to be one of the multiple BBC channels. There were six?! More?

America drops his weekend bag on the wooden chair sticking out from the round table, then plants himself into the second chair. An excessive amount of crocheted placemats and coasters litter the small surface, and he is unable to help himself from picking one up and inspecting. Perfect, as always.

The silence seems to stretch on. With any other time that Alfred would drop by unannounced, he would be talking Arthur’s ear off. As it is, Arthur notes how utterly melancholic the boy appears to be.

Turning off the heat, Arthur moves the pot to the countertop, pouring the simmering fruit into a large glass bowl. It splatters as he does so, and the contact stings his bare wrists.

His loud, emphatic fuck makes Alfred start, look up from the table and across the cluttered room. Arthur is shaking his arm, as if trying to fling the stinging pain out of his limb.

“Careful,” America says unhelpfully.

The replying glare and bull-like snort are somewhat good-humoured, so Alfred manages a smile.

“Why are you here?” Arthur asks, turning to his sink to cool down the splatter. Alfred watches, quiet.

“Wanted to visit,” Alfred replies. He hears Arthur chuff to himself. 

“Wanna coffee?” England asks instead of acknowledging Alfred’s answer.

“Not instant?”

“No. In the French press. I’ll need to microwave it up though.”

America sucks on his tongue, then nods his assent.

“Sure.”

Arthur fills up one of his floral mugs two thirds of the way, then goes to the fridge. He pauses, the door open and his face hidden from view.

“Warm or cold milk?”

“Cold.”

“Weird boy…” but still, Arthur does as bid, pulling out a carton and throwing the mug in the microwave for just over a minute. He returns to his bowl of plums, then inspects Alfred again.

“How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long will you stay?”

“Oh. Until I get found out?”

England’s green eyes spark with glee. “You’re being naughty?”

Alfred’s smile grows, hearing the childish naughtiness that always manages to leak through Arthur’s prim and proper exterior. There was nothing Arthur enjoyed more than a good deception, a practical joke, being a general annoyance. Was it any surprise such traits were also found in Alfred?

When Arthur’s face lit up, when that veneer of bored politeness cracked… Alfred was reminded why people actually tolerated (or worse, loved) Arthur. Alfred would only ever whisper it in the dead of night when he was sure Arthur was not listening. Confessing sincerely and earnestly on how much England had never truly been extracted from America.

More than once, Arthur had in fact, not been asleep, and Alfred had become ashamed to even look the man in the eye for the next three days. 

Unabashed openness was a rarity in Arthur too, both in joy, and indeed in love. It was much more his style to simply open his home, offer a drink, and try to be useful. A land of such beautiful words and poets struggles to speak plainly at times, hiding behind inferences, suggestions and looks that Alfred only ever caught in candid photographs or mirror reflections. 

Truly, they were as bad as each other. And yet they understood.

“I needed a break,” Alfred finally confesses.

Arthur waves him over, not commenting on his reasoning. “I’m making rice pudding for the plums. You can help. Make yourself useful.”

America could have kissed Arthur. Not for the gift of rice pudding; Alfred feels it is slop - unpleasant in texture and lacking in any flavour - but for Arthur’s immediate understanding. The time of a nation was valuable, and often they were used as endless free labour. It could be physical (Ivan’s railway construction came to mind), but for people like Alfred and Arthur, it was bureaucracy. An office intern with no voice in policy and yet expected to enact decisions to carry them through.

Arthur learned long ago how to bite back; his own workaholic nature would take care of the punishing hours, no effort required from Downing Street whatsoever. Alfred, the perpetual people pleaser, had experienced varied results. 

Some years are better than others.

Arthur understands and seems very content - proud even - of his ability to be a bulwark for Alfred. More than once, he has slammed the door shut in the face of some silly-looking man in a suit demanding the world’s superpower to get in the black car.

Arthur knows when not to prod. Some things he will not let drop, badgering and arguing until Alfred cracks. Other times, he will do as he is doing in that moment - hearing the unsaid and knowing exactly what needs to be done.

A distraction, a comfort, an indulgence.

“There’s condensed milk in the pull-out cupboard. Two cans.”

The ping of the microwave leads to Arthur bustling around the tiny kitchen. There is a pile of dishes waiting to be washed in the basin and sticky surfaces of spilt sugar and fruit juice. Arthur hums to himself as he works, matching the quiet radio and its dreamlike rhythms.

Alfred places the cans squarely on the counter, then lays his chin on Arthur’s shoulder, right at the junction of his neck. The warm breath that he exhales visibly causes Arthur to shiver.

Not exactly looking back at America, Arthur raises a hand up to run his fingers through the boy’s golden hair.

“Your coffee’ll get cold,” England gently chides.

Alfred hums, only to wrap his arms around Arthur. England’s cool hands (so perfect for baking those cursed scones) hold on to one of Alfred’s own, the other petting him softly. 

“Big baby,” Arthur murmurs right into Alfred’s ear. “Rest up. You’re home now.”

Once, perhaps not too long ago, Alfred would have bitten back an angry and spiteful retort, but now it was not so. Home was an idea, a feeling, many places and many people. His glamorous and large apartment in New York; his ranch in Texas with his wonderful horses; sitting in Montreal with Mattie watching the Canadiens lose to Tampa Bay for the Stanley Cup final (both of them drunk for differing reasons). 

Holding on to Arthur like a buoy in the man’s tired and cluttered kitchen, a lukewarm coffee on a dirty counter, an excessive amount of boiled fruit cooling in a bowl.

Home.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

ik no one requested this but YO is anyone going to talk about how luca and his s/o would genuinely be the hottest couple ever.

a huge amount of how the kaneshiro mafia carries its reputation is by presentation. they have enough money that their aesthetic is all about classy, glamorous casinos and all that goes into keeping up that glamorous vibe. even their boss is young and spry, dude, you look at his coat and tell me that's not excessive. and. well. his tits

oh and in case you forget that they're not all talk the family has dozens of lovely members dressed sharp and with custom lion masks, and if you make the wrong move the boss is ready to shoot and thrill, and will get his hands bloody if he sees fit

and let's be real luca would so pamper his partner. evening wear? you got it. fine jewelry? all yours. he adores showing you off- look at my sweet Reader, the most precious thing in the world, baby you're so gorgeous- and you get to sit in the room where the big boys make the deals that fuel the criminal underbelly of the city all dolled up and seated by luca's right hand. you and luca would compliment each other sooooo well like imagine luca's fur coat over your shoulders while drinking with some contacts and you get to add onto the deals he makes, playing the part of the shiny and stupid sweetheart. "luca, love, 500k isn't enough. i want 650 or higher." the corny old farts think young love is so cute and give you their blessing while shaking on the deal, while the overthinkers make note that you're just some side piece that doesn't know a negotiation when they see one (possibly the coldest take in existence but hey, that just means you get the advantage of surprise, you're not about to correct them)

now let's say something goes awry while a deal's being made and you're out of the room to attend to a different matter, and while luca and a few family members are holding off a threat this poor goon all by themselves from a rival gang gets you in a chokehold. "don't move or you'll get it", lame threat, yadda yadda yadda but you're no floozy. you just step low and yank their arm down. their body tumbles over yours and crushes on the floor when you throw them. before they even stand up you've already pulled out your gun and press it to their temple. oh and by the way you're still in fine formalwear and just as beautiful as ever. that's on them for underestimating you as just another pretty face when they know luca has taste. you're beauty just as much as you are brawn and brains, you're the secret weapon of the kaneshiro family

lmao imagine being the lucub that turned the hallway for reinforcements only to see that you already took care of the threat and just thinking "oh my god i can't be simping over the boss's partner like this"

i just really have this image in my head of luca in the chair from the mafia cover or some other grand old seat for business, handsome as all hell in an unbuttoned shirt and his head resting on a hand as he looks down at the poor sod that seeks audience with the boss himself. and then on the other armrest is a person that almost looks too radiant to be in the dismal criminal world just daintily draped by luca's side. oh and if said poor sod tries anything funny? luca doesn't even need to move, just utters a command and his lovely partner that looks so harmless already has that fool pinned, and yet STILL looks like the definition of beauty. oh and while they were distracted by your surprise attack luca has a gun aimed and ready to fire, and his heated glare is only quelled by how icy cold your own eyes are when the target realizes escaping your pin is futile

power couple fr fr

[thescribblings]

Hi i sat down to make a 30 minute funny haha sketch of cryptid Orion but it turned into like a 4 day piece with a whole ass story behind it instead, i made an AU of my AU, this image would take place about forty years after the future timeline portal to send Casey back in time

My AU SFFL(WG) Is a little special in a sense that the turtles are going to live closer to 120 rather than die sometime around 80.

Really long infodump under the cut

I'll be reffering to the Orion in the new AU as Leon, and SFFL(WG) Orion as, well, Orion. Akari is my future Donnie and Atlas is my future Raph.

I think ima call it ''It all went according to plan'' since, well, this is the outcome if Orion never got sneak attacked in the base that day, those claw marks never happened, everything went smoothly, they sent Casey junior to the past just like they planned.. then they didn't know what to do with themselves, the will to fight died out, they'd done it! alright, cool. what now? what happens after the end? there was nothing to fight for anymore.

This does not mean they gave up, however

Now, why does he look so different? that would be a secondary muation triggered by excess radiation, Orion did have a secondary mutation as well, which led to his teeth changing, he had some crowding and his new teeth were digging into his gums, but Akari helped with that, fixed him up. it gave him a tail, something none of his brothers have, it also affected his height, and his eyes. he's by no means the tallest of his brothers at 7'4, but all of their heights were.. well, exaggerated due to the radiation all around them, especially Leon, his height is a solid 9'1. Orion's eyes used to be brown, which you would be able to see if i ever drew lil Leo, but Leon doesn't have irises or pupils anymore, no, it's all just that bright, radioactive blue now.

So, as you can see he's a bit less.. humanoid than Orion, more exaggerated proportions, segmented shell, a slimmer and longer neck, much longer tail, his nails turned to talons- hell, he grew new talons on his heels, and spikes sprouted by his knees and elbow. his talons and spikes are protruding bones, yes, his bones sprouted out of his skin, they have a keratin coating on them very similar to his shell.

Those blue glowing markings are just straight up due to radioactivity, Orion also has them but they only appear when he's around something radioactive, he's basically a living geiger counter. Meanwhile Leon has them visible permanently.

Now, his body (thanks to Draxum) was designed to be able to withstand large amounts of radiation without getting sick, but he didn't account for almost sixty years of non-stop radiation exposure. As you can see he's crying, that's a bit odd, right? why's it blue? that would be his body's way of filtering out excess radiation, he is perpetually crying straight radioactive material. you also might have noticed his mouth from that close-up, its right side is dislocated and the cheek is torn from something getting tired of hearing him whistling to keep himself entertained a few years ago, it shut him up.

You might also have noticed his blade, it's.. kinda hard to miss, lmfao. it's about as long as he is tall, and it actually has a name, he named it 'Hope'. as you can see the handle is wrapped with his, Akari's and Atlas' masks, it's not very visible but his scarf is also tied around the base of the blade in favor of wearing it, he also used parts of the Raph prosthetic to reinforce it. Here's the blade on its own

When Casey went through that portal, no one dared follow him in fear of crashing the timeline, Casey decided to give his hockey mask to his remaining family- to Leon- as a parting gift of sorts. he wears Casey's mask around his neck to keep it safe, also as a way of remembering, he can look at the memories and data stored within it anytime his memory gets fuzzy.

His thigh prostetic is exposed, the silicone sleeve acting as replacement skin stopped fitting many, many years ago. more of his natural muscle became exposed to help accomodate his added height, along with some of the nanotech retreating into his replacement femur to make it grow with him, leading to that thigh being a bit slimmer than it otherwise would have been. there is also a bit of a blue glow from the back of his throat, which is another sign of his body having an overabundance of radiation.

If you know anything about my AU SFFL(WG), you should know that Orion has a thing called survival mode, this is an instinctual state his body entered when he didn't have enough to eat, drink or enough time to rest, for that matter. his ninpo started sustaining him, removing his hunger, his thirst, and his need for sleep. eventually draining his nipo completely, then he couldn't use it anymore (until he got to the present and they managed to convince his body that it was safe again), he spent around 11 years unable to portal or reach out to his ancestors. it came with side effects and consequences of course, and this is something that just kept getting worse for Leon, having been in survival mode for around 49 years, he basically doesn't eat at all anymore unless he stumbles upon something mildly edible, mildly edible is usually something alive. he has nothing to drink and he has nowhere safe to sleep.

He's in a lot of pain from the changes his body went through, and his whole jaw situation definitely doesn't help with eating.

Mentally, he's very vacant. He is still there, still intelligent, he just needs safety to really.. come back, i suppose.

I think that covers the basics of this side AU i made, that is all

Have nice day

[autos-official]

The AUTOS mechs in a (very low-budget actually) shellnut. Because fuck you sometimes people get bored and wanna infodump

HELIOS: lets just say you wanted an Everest thats literally a sunlight-powered gold fuck who is also Borderline Fucking Unkillable with the right setup- AND also you wanted it to be part Gabriel Ultrakill. There you go! Dont ask why you feel like you took a hit of sunshine or what are the voices telling you to stop sleeping and never go inside/be in a situation where theres not an excessive amount of light, we will cover the costs for THAT paracasual dick-up-your-butt

NEON: imagine one of the very first robots humanity ever made over 10000 years ago. Now imagine its a mech suit colored like a fucking neon sign (thats the fucking name anyway) and that gives 「MADE IN HEAVEN」 a run for its money. Done? Good you have died of 1 kinetic done by a disgruntled guy who punched your mech cause you were too busy cosplaying sonic the hedgehog

ARGON: we have no idea why you would want to pick this, but fuck you its (partially) your problem now. This fucking thing was meant to be an all-terrain landscaper and now all it does is shit explosions like its no tomorrow. Unlike what the joke would imply, people who want a mech that turns everyrhing it touches into a bomb *DON'T* want a quiet life.

KRYPTON: the only mech with a +3 Tech Attack, and holy fucking Metat Aun what the actual fuck. 99% of the codebase is liturgicode and- ok so get this. Basically one time there was this HORUS cell (yeah, @horus-unofficial, those guys) and we were like "yeah lets ask management what can they do about this fucking thing we can let them have some KRYPTONs and theres also some shit we have to declassify so maybe we can have them leak shit to the public???" (NO JOKE. WE TOLD HORUS SECRETS *SPECIFICALLY* SO THEY WOULD LEAK THEM) and 3...5... idk some/most of them were like "did you fucking invent MetaParaParacasualty 2 to make this???" Anyways yeah this thing can send data thru a fcuking Trueblack Aegis. Somehow.

RADON: a strange, half-molten fuckboy that makes @harrison-armory-incorporated officials fail NNN because its literally an exposed reactor on legs that inflicts heat. And also seems to give the mech the Crippling Depression Meme status. If you want to creampie your opponent with gamma rays and leave then ahegao-ing for more uh- go ahead i guess???

OGANESSON: do you want to make Atlas pilots think they're in an episode of Attack on titan? Do you want to have the funny ゴゴゴ letters near you when you approach someone? Do you want to get a fully-charged apocalypse rail to the face and live? Then i hope you enjoy looking like a Genghis MK1 that was built to be the size of a fucking skyscraper. This one (unlike the barbarossa) doesnt have a MEGA DETH LAZOR OF SUPAH OVERKILLING FOREVERESTEREST 9001BILLIONTRILLIONQUADRILLION COCK AND BALL TORTURE DLC+ featuringdantefromdevilmaycry but hey you can have two Superheavy weapons (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON) or 4 heavy weapons so if you want to be REALLY funny. Just if you want to.

UNUNOCTIUM: [DATA EXPUNGED]

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[brownskinwaifu]

Picture this okay.

Inui x hottie bi(mbo)by

Hot b(imbo)ody summer. Bikini all out. Light tan, juicy tropical drink by your side.

Carefully removing your Chanel sunglasses, you softly cock your head to the side as you eye the tall man. Chiseled physique was drowned in droplets of water as he flashes a boyish grin, alluringly yet with looming mischief. He shakes his hair warding off any excess water wetting you in the process.

“NOT ON ME THE FUCK” You hysterically yelp. Like you just wanted the sun, not that you would swim anyways it was just to look real good and drink a cold ass drink like what the fuck is up with this hot guy and his cute eyes and his big hands that you want so desperately around your waist as he fervently pounds you-

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to be that loud but could you please move elsewhere?” Switching your game up real quick, you look into his minty hues expecting him to move. “Nah, I uh- I actually wanted to talk to you, I noticed you from afar you real cute”

“Oh! I am? Aren’t you a doll thank you so much, I like your eyes real sick!” Your hand grazing his neck ‘without a clue’, Inui eyes you with excitement. You wanna go there? He reciprocates energy through placing your hand in his and gently tracing over it. You both make eye contact, scent of chlorine and vanilla blending he can’t help but shut the space between you two.

“Your pretty bold for someone that wanted privacy aye?” Inui questions at your ear. Attempting to gain control over the dynamic Inui’s frustration slowly builds up but w-why is your body built like a pornstar? Unbeknownst to him, the whole time he was staring at your lewd white two piece practically being swallowed up by your sexy self..

“What are you talking about? I still do! But you seem friendly, look we’re even holding hands like besties” you mindlessly giggle, leaving Inui dumbfounded. He swiftly brushes off your hand off his. “Fucking tease” he chuckles.

_______

“Ow that tickles~” you mew against his collarbone. Fresh purple hickies lather his neck from your failed attempts of maintaining your sultry moans. Do you care tho? No, not when a hot stranger is balls deep within your tight pussy, holding your legs up and ramming you against the wall. Such temptation should’ve gotten you creaming at this point.

And it’s not funny when he is literally eyeballing your every move, reaction to hitting your Os, head tilting, legs shaking and his warm tongue grazing your cute plump nipples.

“You’re so dirty baby, what about that cute act you ran a while go? Were your thoughts already running wild?” Slow strokes allowed you to breathe as he continued “tell me, whadya think of?” He breathlessly gleams.

“Wanted me to fuck your brains out this way?” Moist clapping sprung off the walls indicating how loud yet quick Inui picked up his pace. His cheeks were bright red, eyes rolling back with hot drool running down the corner of his lip. He couldn’t help but take advantage of the moment just to relieve some tension in his balls. Until he heard your wantonly sighs. He gains composure.

“My lips on your fat swollen clit? Our tongues hungry for each other? Or my tip downing your wet throat? You there sweetheart? Fuck I don’t think I’ll- oh~” Couldn’t help it. He lowers you to then lift one leg over his shoulder, charging full speed in your pussy.

Wet splashes from his fingers on your clit form a pool around the floor as you’re squirting all over his fingers. Too lost in your bliss, your life-force clenching around his dick drives Inui berserk. Blue irises tinted with arousal deepen and signal desperate for its owner’s release. Almost carnal enough, Inui’s chest rises as he lets out the sluttiest whimper.

Hips moving uncontrollably as his grip around your leg and hips tighten, he can taste it.

“See what you do ah~to me cutie fuck I’m cum-mi-ahh” his words slur, tip sensitive shooting an intense amount of cum into you. His moans hardly die out, he looked so fucking slutty it almost had you break character for him. Again.

[kyogre-blue]

OK, Wuwa chapter 1 is done.

It turns out the place I stopped last night was the very last scene of Act V, and Act VI is just the extended finale of chapter 1.

It was... a very mixed bag! If I had to describe it in a word, I would pick "clumsy."

The ideas they were going for are mostly fine, and their execution at least clearly shows what they were trying to do, but man. It gets aggressively Too Much at multiple points, the gameplay is so hand-holdy in parts that I honestly feel kind of confused as to what kind of audience testing led to this (are most people really this stupid??), and the details are, as always, painfully unpolished.

Speaking more specifically, I'll give an example. When defending the city, several NPCs show up to fight too. It's cool seeing them using their skill and ults, I like that! However, not only Verina, but even Yuanwu and Lianyang show up. We haven't even met Yuanwu before and he's, from all indications, just some dude who runs a gym. Every time he talks and then inexplicably shows up in montages of Rover thinking about everyone who is counting on him and Jiyan, it's just so silly. We don't know him! And Lianyang just looks so goofy with the liondancing in this extremely serious situation. I haven't even done his character quest yet, team. Be real, how much did the government give you for this character...

This is a case where less would have been more. Just leave it at Verina healing people, Taoqi getting introduced as leading the NPCs in battle, and Chixia as the face of people we actually know enough to care about.

And it's not the only example. There's stuff like how awkward it feels when everyone talks about Rover, Yangyang and even Baizhi with just first name and no other comment, like they're all very familiar with each other, which doesn't really make much sense. It feels very forced. Or stuff like Jiyan making you "pick" where the troops will be positioned during the operation, but there's only one correct answer anyway, so what was this even for? And just the general excessive amount of padding that isn't congruent with the urgent atmosphere.

(All of this is not helped by the poor EN voice direction.)

Which brings us to the gameplay. I won't comment on them giving us a full party of nothing but trial characters for the entire act, it isn't really a big deal either way. But the "platforming" was just... who the hell needed Jiyan to comment about every single use of the grapple? The grapple points freaking glow! There's nothing else to do anyway! Just explain it once and players can figure it out from there! It was so ridiculous.

And then there's the little details like the "Trial Resonator has left/joined the party" popping up over dramatic cutscenes. It's almost funny. Jiyan is leaving the party! Jiyan is joining the party! This is starting to look like a parody with the uuuuh gameplay and story integration here.

However, the two most unfortunate points were the minor gripes that ruined the very, very end for me. 1) Saved by an ugly mascot. 2) Stupid sounding storyteller cap off.

Not only does it look extremely silly to be shielded by a little mascot's butt with its bunny tail, but the mascot is pretty ugly. Why this thing...... who asked...... especially given the overall tone and vibe of Wuwa??

And then the storyteller.... god, I hate storytellers. They are so fucking awful, I do not understand the CN game obsession with them. Bruh, I don't need some dumb-sounding asshole to tell me the story, I'm playing an interactive modern medium so I can watch the story be acted out by the goddamn characters.

I was so mad I literally took out my headphones and did not perceive anything past the mascot. Which I also hated.

It was otherwise a passable if rather jank ending to the storyline, suitably dramatic and at least there was Jiyan, but those two last points....

Anyway, I'm mildly disappointed that we didn't beat the Threnobian (it just left) and nothing else interesting except the mascot was revealed. Jiyan was nice tho, and I'll play his character quest next, I guess.

[that-house]

hi james! I'm currently putting together the first d&d campaign I'll be dming for, and I was hoping for some advice. Specifically, I'd like to know how much you'd suggest preparing in advance (is there a minimum amount of preparation that helps things run smoothly? is there a level of detail/specificity where it starts hindering your ability to improvise, or just isn't useful? I'm sure this varies some based on personal preference and style but I'd still like to hear your thoughts) but any other advice/suggestions/recommendations would also be much appreciated <3

well, part of it depends on the sort of game you're looking to run. i've run two major high-effort D&D campaigns, and they were both very different structurally.

the first game was very plot-driven, with the players getting missions from the crown. my players were pretty new, and it had been a while since I'd DM'd, so i wanted to do something simple to hold their hands through the introductory period. for that one, i spent a whiiile nailing down what sorta stuff would be happening and what the world was like and all that. i think my main campaign doc wound up being around 90 pages by the time the game went on indefinite hiatus around level 10

for my current game, i wanted to run a proper sandbox campaign, which is a bit more of an undertaking. i started by nailing down a bunch of broad setting details: continents, countries, gods, metaphysics, some major historical events. once i had a broad view of Everything, i focused in on the stuff immediately at hand.

i knew they'd be starting off in the Eviscaran Empire, so i filled out an excessive amount of information about its governing structure, demographics, economy, etc.

once i had that framework, the amount of prep i did trailed off RAPIDLY over time. for the first bits of the game, i was writing soooo much for every location and NPC. i haven't put anything down on paper in like three sessions

my number one tip is to prep NPCs in advance but like. not actually

here's how i do NPC prep:

i have a table full of Name, Race, Appearance, and Personality, with blank spots for Location, Profession, and Notes

when i need an NPC, i grab the next empty spot on the table, come up with the sort of person who fits both the appearance/personality and the job i'm putting them in, and play 'em

it's like a little game! the order in which the players do things effects what the NPCs are gonna be like! rugged, suspicious Vin Muvak wound up as a shady ex-con flower seller (fun contrast), and masked, efficient Immaq Qaim ended up being a crime boss (perfect fit)

but yeah here's an example of my session notes

i do take more in-depth notes for like. dungeon crawls and stuff, but a solid 50% of what happens in a given session is totally pulled out of my ass. i just go with what feels right

"oh the wizard wants to investigate this mirror? sure would be funny if it had a Power Word Kill trap"

one of my players asked me what would have happened if they'd sealed the eternally-tortured princess of the summer fey into a spear and then fed that to the paladin's weapon-eating sword and i said "50% chance it frees her from her torment, 50% chance it lets her loose in the material plane" "you'd flip a coin?" "no i would just pick in the moment based on what felt more narratively satisfying"

part of running a sandbox game is just playing fast and loose with prep. it's impossible to predict everything that's going to happen so i just trust myself to come up with solid stuff on the fly. i looooove getting to spitball treatises on magic and history whenever someone reads a book or casts identify or makes a history/religion/arcana check :)