#but i think i am just going to put this aside to deal with later

[untamedcourage]

i am learning so much about myself while lying in agony in the gerudo town inn

is a mild sense of relief after achieving something not that sense of accomplishment everyone talks about?

[exopelagic]

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE

[yo9urt]

-_-

[tofixtheshadows]

You guys really need to stop and consider the ways you're talking about Kabru I am dead fucking serious. Like I know that flattening characters is just what fandom does to a certain extent, but Kabru's actual personality is getting lost to the fandom hivemind insisting that he's aggressive/cruel/sociopathic/hateful, and these are particularly concerning takes to see leveled at the only brown character in the main cast day after day. "My poor sweet golden child Laios needs to be protected from this scary brown man" is not a good look! Like, it's very telling that the bulk of the hate and bad faith readings are reserved for Toshiro and Kabru. Everyone else's flaws get to be discussed and validated and forgiven (or erased), meanwhile people are straight making up things to be mad about with Toshiro and Kabru but patting themselves on the back for being smart.

The worst part is how undeserved it all is. I'm trying to lay off anime-onlys because we're still kind of in the red herring stage of getting to know Kabru, but I would still like to gently suggest that even if you think Kabru is up to something, you don't gave to get in the tags of every fan creator's post and bring up how you hate him or You Can Tell he's totally evil. Sometimes I think Kabru's blue eyes give people license to say things about his appearance that they know would sound completely racist otherwise, but referring to his blue eyes acts as a get-out-of-racism free card. The jokes about the dog with brown contacts are getting old, by the way.

For people who have read the manga, it's disappointing. Kabru is one of the most complex and important characters in the story, and if you base your interpretation of him and all your fandom interactions on shallow first impressions you are completely missing out.

I know part of this is because Dungeon Meshi is a comedy, but the story also wants to be taken seriously. For example, it's admittedly really funny when Chilchuck calls Laios "sick in the head", but that doesn't change the fact that the way Chilchuck casually belittles Laios caused him to hide the fact that he was "hallucinating" from his friends for weeks. Those feelings matter.

Like, this

is funny.

But this?

Is not. This is just a very clear example of a brown boy with PTSD. As someone else with PTSD, just looking at this fucking sucks, man.

The only reason why Kabru thinks about killing Laios is because he is in the middle of a flashback. He's struggling through a panic attack. If he truly wanted to kill Laios because he's violent or because he finds Laios inherently annoying, he wouldn't otherwise talk with Laios normally. Notice how he doesn't act this way at any other point in the story- it's just because he's triggered by monsters. Even when he's thinking about his plans to "deal with" Laios later, he's reluctant to actually kill him and only considers it to prevent another tragedy. Despite his deadly skills, Kabru relies far more on "soft" power- insight, persuasion, diplomacy. He's a rare example of a character who absolutely is, or at least can be, manipulative, but seems to use his abilities for good. He's not a pathological liar, he isn't looking down on everyone behind a smile. He's someone who is extremely emotionally intelligent, and he's willing to put aside all his own basic wants and needs to stop the cycle of dungeons devouring humans.

I'm going to cut a potential thesis on his character short and just give some examples of things that fandom should consider about his personality more:

Racism in fandom isn't just about whitewashing in fan art, or using racial slurs. The insidiousness of bad faith readings, reductions to racist tropes, lack of fan content for characters of color, and dismissal of a character's complexity are far more common. You can believe yourself to be completely neutral or even positive about a character and still churn out low-grade bile about them into fandom's collective unconscious. Fandom reflects real life.

And I have been around fandom long enough to see how these behaviors (mostly from my fellow white fans) affect fans of color, how it makes a fandom feel hostile and unwelcome to them. It's fun to make jokes and memes, I'm absolutely not saying that everything needs to be a deeply nuanced take, but we need to be careful that it doesn't veer into toxicity. Please think about how our contributions to fandom come across, and what sort of vibes they cultivate in this communal space.

[watchmegetobsessed]

WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

A/N: i couldn't just move on those pics

WORD COUNT: 659

SUMMARY: You're dealing with a bit of a wardrobe malfunction upon arriving to a wedding. At first your boyfriend is no help, but then he saves the day as always.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

“Harry! This is not funny!” you groan in frustration, frantically trying to fix your dress with not much luck while your boyfriend seems to be pretty entertained by your bad luck.

“It kind of is,” he chuckles, watching your struggle with a smug grin that’s mostly for your loosely clothed chest area.

You parked down by the wedding’s venue just about ten minutes ago and you leaned forward to grab your purse from the glove compartment when your dress’ seam broke along your side. Well, it burst open, to be precise. You knew the dress was too tight, but it was so pretty, you didn’t want to change into something else and now you’re fucked.

With the dress rolled down around your hips you’ve been trying to figure out how to fix with whatever you have in your purse and in Harry’s car, but aside from one single safety pin, you found nothing that could help and that wouldn’t be enough to hold the fabric together around you for the whole time.

“Would you stop eyeing my boobs and help me?” you snap at him, sweat starting to bead on your forehead.

“Okay, first, I thought being your boyfriend meant I can stare at your boobs whenever I want to,” he starts, joking. “And second, I don’t have a sewing kit hidden in my pants, so there’s not much I can do for you, my love.”

You groan in frustration as you let go of the dress and lean back, tears threatening to bubble from your eyes. Now Harry can tell you’re past the jokes so he moves closer and inspects the rip, but he doesn’t get farther than you did.

“I’m not going in there,” you whisper, eyes closed, lips trembling.

“Hey, no need to cry and you will not spend the wedding hidden in the car. Let me think for a second.”

Reaching over he cups your face and gently rubs your cheek with his thumb while you’re trying to regulate your breathing and stop yourself from crying. You’re starting to get used to the thought that you will, in fact, spend this wedding in the car in your ruined dress, but then you hear Harry moving around in his seat and when you open your eyes you see him shrugging his jacket off.

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer, just throws the jacket to the backseat and then starts unbuttoning the soft yellow colored shirt he is wearing underneath, revealing the white tank top he put on under the shirt.

“Harry?” you ask as he takes the shirt off too and then turns to you.

“Here, put this on. Roll the dress down into a skirt.”

He pulls you forward from the back of the seat so he can drape the shirt around you and help you into it.

“But what will you wear?” you ask, finally moving, slipping your arms into the shirt.

“This and the jacket,” he shrugs, nodding down at his top.

It takes some time to assemble the outfit, you tie a knot on the shirt at your waist, low enough to cover the ruined part of your dress, only showing the skirt of it. Harry helps you roll the sleeves up and fix the buttons before he leans back to look at you.

“There, you look wonderful, baby,” he smiles at you before reaching to the back for his jacket.

“As much as I hate you for laughing at me earlier, I really do love you now,” you sigh with pouty lips as you reach over to him to pull him closer for a kiss.

“Am I forgiven for laughing?” he smirks, putting his jacket back on.

“You’ll have to run some extra miles for that later at home, but we’re alright for now.”

Harry laughs as he gets out of the car, jogging over to your side to help you out before the two of you finally head inside.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[luveline]

u are the most amazing writer. im in hospital rn and have been for a few days but thinking about aaron hotchner finding out reader was in hospital and freaking out?? 🐇🧃💖💃

get well soon my love, and tysm for requesting ♡ fem!reader

"Hello, handsome," you say, phone wedged between your ear and your shoulder, naked thighs stretched out in front of you, "funny thing." 

"I doubt it will be funny," he says. Aaron knows you too well, that's for sure. 

"Well, it's not actually very funny. I'm at Stafford." 

"Right." 

"Stafford–" 

"Hospital. You're in Stafford Hospital?"

You brush a hand down your hospital gown and sigh. "You could say that." 

"Are you hurt?" 

"You could also say that. Will you come?" you ask quietly. 

"I'm on my way. Ten minutes." 

It's an impossible promise and one he can't deliver on, but twenty minutes later he's opening the door to your room with his go-bag on his shoulder. "Shit, are you going somewhere?" you ask.

He frowns at you deeply. "What happened?"  

"I hit my head at work. Threw up, passed out. I had a CT scan, I'm waiting for them to come back and tell me what's happening." 

His jaw twitches as you explain. Looking rather formidable, Aaron puts his bag down on the plastic wrapped chair beside your hospital bed and leans down to hold you. "Oh, careful of your head," he says as you reach for him. His voice is strange. "Careful." 

Things are quiet for a while. Just his arms around you and the beep of your heart monitor. 

"How do you feel?" he asks, and the dam breaks. "How did it happen, honey? Where did you hit your head?" He puts his hand on your shoulder and nudges you back gently. "Can you show me?" 

You arch your neck down and tuck your hand behind your head. "Right here. I don't know what I was doing, I just slipped."

He encourages you forward with one hand. You're unsure what he's looking at or how bad it might look, but he must feel sorry for you either way, the hand on your shoulder rubbing sympathetic quarter circles. 

"I wish you would've called me as soon as it happened." 

"I was a little busy." 

He's quiet, brooding. You look up into his face to try and gauge how he's feeling beyond that, but he's impassive; his expression reveals nothing.

"Are you mad?" you ask worriedly. 

"Mad?" He shakes his head. Careful, he slides a hand under your leg and moves it aside to sit on your hospital bed, his thumb in the tender underside of your knee. "I'm just– I've seen so many–" Your heart monitor reflects your surprise as Aaron stutters. "I couldn't imagine what happened to you. I was afraid to ask. Honey, it's eight at night. Thinking about you here, alone and in pain–" He clings to your knee. 

You understand his reaction, then. You've had hours to make sense of your sudden injury. Aaron's only just found out, and he's lived through enough bad phone calls to panic himself thinking about another. 

"They couldn't find my phone. I would've called you if I remembered your number," you say, putting your hand on his.

He seems to realise he's been panicking. He takes a deliberate, calming breath, a professional through and through. "I," he begins, his hand trailing down your leg to rub right back up, "am going to write it on you. In permanent ink." 

"I'll get it tattooed if you promise not to change it." 

"Deal," Aaron says. "Are you sure you're not in any pain?" 

He's much calmer from that point, checking your medications, helping you change into the pyjamas he's brought in his go-bag, and tracking down a nurse to see what your arrangements will be that night. Then he pulls his FBI card to talk to a doctor, and things go much quicker after that. 

[l-in-the-light]

The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Punk Hazard (part 2)

We're still not done with the Punk Hazard! There's way too many interactions with them there and posts have apparently a restriction of 30 images, geez. Anyway, let's follow the tale further!

Law: Hey, I can hear that.

It's hilarious, because it turned out to be true in the end. Law wouldn't betray Luffy (as in backstab him), but he would finish the alliance early if that means keeping Luffy safe. But would it count as betrayal actually?

And then Luffy brags again. Wait, or doesn't he? It sounds kinda correct to me though lol. Also of course there's nothing to worry about, after all it will be Law's job from now on!

Law (thinking): Those people... how did they survive so long on their own?! They have no sense of danger!

Probably a moment later: Wait, so it will be my job to worry for them all the time?!

Law (thinking): It's nice of them to have brought the kids here, but they're pirates, I can't really expect Strawhats to actually want to help them, right? Damn, if I have to choose between keeping Mugiwara-ya safe and keeping the children safe, I guess the choice is only one to make...

Law (thinking): They actually want to help the children?... but why? They're not friends with them like with that fishman and mermaid on Sabaody... are they saying this just on a whim? Anyway, I can't lose the main goal from sight, keeping Mugiwara-ya safe is the priority.

To understand Law's odd reaction here we need to go back to his flashback:

Because when he told the nun and the children that he doesn't want to leave without Lammy, they just told him they will leave him behind on his own (but will return for him later on). That's why he expects that Nami wants to stay behind by herself. But Luffy's isn't having any of that, Luffy's like "no one is getting left behind on my watch". And no wonder really, because Luffy also knows how it's like. After all didn't Garp and Dragon leave him behind on his own as well, choosing to pursue their jobs instead? But Luffy does not want others to feel the same way he did.

Law's shocked "?!" there really says volumes. He probably didn't expect that option of "not leaving anyone behind" as even possible. We will see him struggling to accept it later on as well in this arc.

Law (thinking): Wait a second... How did that turn out this way?!

Because let's rewind a bit. Law's just reached his inner peace with the dificult decision that he's gonna sacrifice the children's fate in favour of keeping Strawhats safe. But here Luffy makes a 180 turn on him and tells him "Actually, we're saving the kids and there is this funny samurai as well, we also want to reassemble him". And Law is like TrafalgarLaw.exe stopped functioning, please reboot. He thought he made it clear this is not the time to be altruistic and has a difficult time to process this illogical conclusion. You were too lost in your own thoughts, that's why you missed it, Law.

Law (thinking): Friends?! What?! Whatever, put that thought aside for now, more importantly... those conditions for the alliance are ridiculous! Also it would totally be something I would want to do and make it a condition, if not for the fact I think it's impossible to pull that all off.

Usopp (thinking, surprised): Luffy was right, he's actually a good guy!

Luffy (thinking): I knew you would help us!

Law (thinking): You must be kidding me, what kind of pirates are so altruistic. Great, now I have even more troubles to deal with. And yet I can't refuse them.

Law (thinking): No, anything but this...!

I'm so sorry for him in this one, tbh. Can't make it look funny anymore, I'm sorry! (but if you really want to, then the classic "Am I a joke to you?" commentary is usually spot-on) At least it was Chopper and I think Law is okay with touching animals and minks.

Luffy (thinking): Torao, you come up with the best ideas! This sounds so fun!

Law (thinking): I'm actually not gonna allow you to rethink. You need to stick with me so I can keep you safe.

(my god Torao)

Luffy: No chance! Good luck getting rid of me now after you offered friendship to me!

(those two, I swear...)

Fun fact: he didn't, lol. Law trusted him with this, but Luffy told them all only after they boarded the Sunny lol. Ouch, Luffy!

Luffy's safety is constantly on his mind, isn't it... and he's taking the most work on himself as well. Also can you try to think of anything else for a change, Trafalgar Law?! I know you're super duper worried but, come on...

Yeah, I know Law, right? You try so hard to keep him safe, and he goes and does some ridiculous shit again. And so the neverending spiral of worrying and suffering because of it continues for Law, lol.

Luffy (thinking): I will make you proud, Torao! Just watch me kidnap that guy in a few secs!!

Robin (thinking): Luffy is so excited, not sure if it's because of the plan or that Trafalgar. Probably the latter, actually, he just ignored the plan after all...

He's adorable but omg, they miss the marks all the time when it comes to each other, don't they. It's pure romantic comedy!

The end result is to be expected haha. Law's eyes are like constantly on Luffy lol. At least Law's not so anxious and worried anymore, because fake cuffs are part of his backup plan, so things are going okay for now.

Luffy is instantly interested in Torao's connection to Joker. He just wants to know more about Law, circumenstances be damned, because who cares they're locked up, right.

Law (thinking): Really? You ask about it now?! Fine, whatever, I will tell you... it's not like I can hide it from you forever.

He's not really that great at lying to Luffy, is he? Unless he just sold him a half-truth, but it doesn't appear to be this way. Alliance is all about trust after all, right? (Law says that in Wano) And Law is a bit uncomfortable sharing his connection to Doflamingo, but he does it anyway.

Luffy is so easily impressed with Torao, and it makes it even funnier that it's for all the wrong things really lol. Though it's understandable because when Ace died he got a big hole in his chest and couldn't survive, so in Luffy's mind anyone who can actually live despite that might be like the strongest person ever in his mind (stronger than Ace even?!). It's ridiculous, cute and actually a bit touching. I doubt Law understood it right lol, he's just lying there in disgrace.

Law (thinking): You will pay for this! Especially for making me look so pathetic in front of Mugiwara-ya!

Also Luffy please stop staring at Law like this all the time and close your mouth. He's so infatuated with him.

Law's face here is kinda hilarious, listening to Robin's and Luffy's talk about Kinemon's legs. Is he thinking something like "Interesting, you like it that much? I could do it for you all the time actually... I can do so much more, in fact"

Please someone shut them up.

Change of tone. As soon as Luffy's so worried and stressed, Law becomes all serious and worried as well. You can't make this shit up.

Showing off in front of Luffy lol. You actually want him to think you're cool, don't you, Law?

Luffy: Omg you're so cool Torao! I thought we're goners fr!

And guess what, it's working like a charm. Oh, Luffy!

Luffy adoring Law again, his eyes are almost sparkling here :D he tries to show off a little as well there heh. It's like "Torao, I'm so impressed with you, so be impressed with me and my crew as well!!"

Law, when not ordering people around: "is there anyone in here who can do x or y?". He's really not used to this "equal alliance" thing either, isn't he? Because that's such an awkward thing to say. Is this first ever alliance for him as well? Perhaps all other arrangements he had was just Law giving people orders.

That would mean this is first alliance both for Luffy AND Law awww. Oda, stop, I'm cringing! There's no way Law did it just for Luffy, right?...

Law making Luffy laugh on purpose will never stop having a special place in my heart <3 because you know he said this just for that. He doesn't yet care much about the others, but he sure af cares for Luffy. Perhaps he joked a bit because he didn't want to see Luffy so anxious like before when worrying about his crew geezas stop.

Someone's showing off again and it works like a charm. Can you stop making it such a show ffs, Law. No you can't, you're just having too much fun seeing Luffy so obviously impressed.

I mean... anyone still doubting Law loves Luffy after this image would have to also doubt Law ever loved his little sister, you know?

Also he's really not very honest, is he. Still not gonna admit it openly, acting cold and keeping his distance, despite the fact Luffy is already holding a dear spot in his heart. I know Law has predisposition for being serious and secretive, like that's just legit part of his personality, but he also clearly doesn't want Luffy to know how he actually feels about him.

Damn, Punk Hazard is long. I wonder if I can finish it with the next post haha. To be continued!

[im-a-wh0r3]

fuck it, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and write a fic about James Logan ‘Wolverine’ Howlett x reader. I intend to make this a long-ass series, lmk if you’d like that. I’m gonna do it anyway but would like to know if anyone would read it.

I haven’t written anything in like 4 years so it might start a little shitty so bear with me 🙏

Second Chance

Pairing: James Logan Howlett/Wolverine x Mutant!Magneto’s sister!Reader

friends to lovers to strangers to enemies to frenemies to friends to lovers (not all in 1 chapter dw)

Warnings: Historical inaccuracy (I’m not a historian pls 😩), afab!fem!reader, use of y/n, I’m shit at summaries so it’s gonna feel a bit bullet pointy (lmk if there’s more)

Added notes: considering the reader is Magneto’s sister, that would make her Jewish, you obviously don’t have to be Jewish to read this. I myself am not Jewish, however, I put myself very much into this character and I feel Magneto and myself are very similar personality-wise so making him the brother of the character that I have created made sense to me, their mutations are also kinda similar. What Erik went through during the Second World War isn’t mentioned in this because I felt that was incredibly insensitive of me considering I in no way relate to it, but if I do state anything that causes issue please inform me and I will change it. (tbh I tried not to mention the happenings of the war at all because I know very little about it but still, let me know)

Summary: You were only young when the war began. As a young woman in 1939 you could do very little to assist, so you became a nurse. What you didn’t realise was how much tragedy, heartbreak and indescribable desire this choice was going to bring you.

Word Count: 1.4K

Hope you enjoy <3

Nuremberg 1924, Jakob and Edie Eisenhardt had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl, y/n. You were an independent, strong-willed child, never ill, and learning to walk and talk long before others your age. So, when you were four, and your mother gave birth to your little sister Ruth, a sickly child, your mother’s attention was ripped from you, far more concerned with your sister's wellbeing, with her constantly slipping in and out of illness. Your father was also away a lot with work, leaving you to entertain yourself. You were never fazed much, preferring the company of your family dog, Otto, your playful 2-year-old border collie.

Your strange connection to the earth began to show not long after your little sister was born. Not thinking much at the young age of four, of the strange habit animals had of following you, the way the flames in the fireplace would dance whenever you were near, and how the wind would bend around you. Then, two years later, Max was born. He was just like you, strong-willed and stubborn. You adored your little brother, taking him everywhere with you. Walking with his pram with Otto through the fields that surrounded your home.

As you grew, you began to slowly notice not only your oddities but also your brothers. The way he would drop his knife or fork whilst eating dinner, and then command it straight back to his hand, the voice you thought was in your head, speaking to you as if it was- Otto?! Yes, very odd. You brushed it off, knowing that if you were to tell your parents, they would treat you as if you were a silly little child begging for attention. By the time you were fourteen, however, it was far too noticeable to just push aside. The flames began to roar in the fireplace, the voice which you refused to believe was Otto began becoming far too clear, and even the spiders you would remove from your house began to sound as if they were shouting at you. At least your brother had calmed down, with him being eight you supposed his childlike lack of care had faded away. One less problem to deal with.

A year later, the war began. Your father had insisted upon you taking your brother and sister to England with you, where you would be staying with your uncle in the countryside. Ruth came along easily, Max on the other hand refused to leave your mother and father, too afraid to be apart from them. After days of arguments, your parents gave in, allowing just you and your sister to travel to England, ensuring that Max would be safe with them. The following day, your bags were packed and you were ready to part from the only home you had ever known. You said your goodbyes and reluctantly waved your home farewell.

“Promise me they’ll be okay” Ruth pleaded, snapping you away from your train of thought.

“They’ll be alright Ruthie” you gave her a half smile, only half believing your own words. “Mother and father promised, remember?” you continued.

She gave a curt nod, continuing the silence.

Your life in England was different, to say the least. Your uncle Erich was a stoic man, never caring much for children, though you and your sister tried to do your best by him as thanks. At the age of 16, you left high school and began a nursing training program, in hopes of aiding those fighting in the war.

The three years were gruelling. The war had disrupted your schooling, having to break during your travels, leaving you behind the other trainees. You refused to let that hinder your progress, you feared for your family every day, the least you could do was help those who could be helped. As awful as the past three years had been, you made it through your training, and eventually, on the 10th of June 1944, you arrived in Normandy, to assist your wounded troops.

The medical tents are awful, to say the least. They’re cramped, sweaty and reek of... men. You make your way to the end of the tent and are greeted by a tall, tanned, gorgeous man. He seems unscathed, lying comfortably in one of the beds.

“Hey there soldier” you greet him. His deep brown eyes meeting yours. “Anything I can do for you?” you continue, eyeing him over once more.

“You tell me bub” his Canadian accent catches you off guard. “They sent me in here, told ‘em I was fine” There’s a slight humorous tone to his voice.

“I’ve seen all the bloodshed out there” you counter. “You trying to tell me you went through all that with not even a scratch to show for it?” he grins.

“Guess I’m just indestructible” he shrugs.

“Or just very lucky” you argue. “Well, if you’re completely fine I’d appreciate it if you could leave the space for someone who needs it” you give him a tight smile, not exactly wanting the beautiful stranger to leave, but needing to put your job first.

“I don’t see anyone out there waiting” he retorts. “James Howlett” offering you his hand.

“Y/n” you ignore his outstretched arm, staring quizzically at him.

“Well, Miss y/n” he stands. “It was a pleasure. I hope to be seeing you again” he grins at you once more and begins making his exit.

“I hope not” you shout to him, in hopes he can hear you, smiling quietly to yourself.

You continued your work for the next few days, aiding men with injuries far worse than you had seen before. Then, after the few days that followed, the stranger that you now knew as James, was back in your care once again, and just like the last time, you discharged him. It became routine, every few days, you would find James lying in one of your beds, completely unharmed. You would discharge him after a quick checkup, and then a few days later you’d find him lying there yet again, like clockwork. You began to form a friendship with the impenetrable soldier, dismissing his flirtatious remarks with witty underhand comments. The banter between the two of you came easily, taking jabs at one another constantly, and having conversations that came with no struggle. This continued for weeks, his visits becoming more frequent, your conversations once full of banter, now riddled with flirtation.

“Oh c’mon bub” his deep Canadian voice implored you. “You not even gonna check me over? I could be dying” he smirked.

you raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Oh yeah? Where are you wounded sweetheart?” you encouraged. “Here?” you placed a flat hand over his bare chest, slowly dragging it down.

“No.” he stopped you, your heart began to race, redness adorning your cheeks. Had you taken it a step too far, had you read his signals wrong, was he just- the clearing of his throat willed you back from your thoughts.

“Right here” he pointed his finger to his lips. “Heard kissing it better helps” that cocky smirk meeting you once again. He offered you his hand, this time not ignoring it, you outstretched yours. His fingers barely grazed yours, hand slowly rising to your wrist. He grabbed it lightly, giving you time to pull away, when you didn’t, he gave a sharp tug, causing you to topple into him. His eyes locked with yours, a feeling so familiar, and yet in this instance, so foreign. His hand, now placed on your lower back, moving slowly to cup the back of your head, the other grasping your waist. Your hands were firmly placed on either side of his head, unable to move in fear of falling. He slowly pulled himself up, your faces much closer than before. He waited, giving you one last chance to pull away, you didn’t, holding his gaze unwavering. You could feel his breath fanning your face, his stubble tickling your skin.

The kiss was soft. Far from rushed.

He held you gently, as if you were fragile, ready to break at any moment. The kiss didn’t last long, the sounds of the other patients snapping you both back to reality.

“You should go” you whisper into his lips, unable to now meet his gaze.

“I suppose I should” he agrees, grabbing your chin, forcing your gaze to meet his. You stare once again into his brown eyes, the closeness allowing you to see the green specs that litter his irises. “Till next time, yeah sweetheart?” he gives me one last kiss before making his exit.

“Next time.”

[sethsclearwater]

reader comforting paul which he’s not used to because normally he feels like he has to be super masculine and not show emotions but she teaches him how to be vulnerable- maybe ending up with him falling asleep with his face in the crook of her neck while he softly sleeps

you'd known paul was getting more and more stressed recently with the increase in patrol shifts, keeping you safe, and dealing with his own family problems that you were pretty sure you didn't know the full extent of because of his refusal to discuss any of it with you.

you understood the patrol shifts making his stressed out and were doing your best to make sure he knew you were perfectly fine but couldn't seem to get him to talk about whatever his family problems were with you. all you really knew was that he and his dad had gotten into some kind of fight (which, to be quite frank, happened more often than it probably should) but this time it appeared to be over his mom which was new.

you'd never met her seeing as she wasn't really involved in paul's life aside from giving birth to him and paul never seemed interested in talking about her that much. so whatever came up recently was new for you, paul, and his dad and was really stressing him out.

he had just gotten home from patrol and headed straight into the shower while you went and sat down in bed, putting on a movie you both liked before you started working at braiding your freshly washed hair so it wouldn't look crazy in the morning.

paul definitely took his time in the shower and came out about a half an hour later wearing his favorite pair of sweatpants and no shirt per usual.

you offered him a soft smile when you saw him, "i missed you," you murmured as he laid down in the bed next to you, "a lot," you added with a small giggle, reaching your hand down to gently thread your fingers through his wet hair.

although he didn't respond, he did crack a bit of a smile that had you feeling a bit less worried about him, "you don't have patrol tomorrow, right?" you asked as you soothingly scratched at his scalp, smiling to yourself when he adjusted himself so he could lay his head in your lap, seeming to like your touch.

he hummed, "no patrol tomorrow," he assured, voice quiet as he reached his hand over to intertwine his fingers with your free hand, "you're not going anywhere tomorrow, right?" he asked softly, peeking up at you only to see you smiling down at him and shaking your head.

"not going anywhere," you cooed, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his temple, "i think we should stay here for the day," you suggested, squeezing his hand, "you need some rest," you added softly and he seemed to think about your proposal for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh and nodding.

"you're right," he mumbled as he rested his cheek back down on your thigh, eliciting a series of giggles from you.

"i usually am," you teased, smiling when paul let out a breathy laugh at your comment, his shoulders dropping as he noticeably began to relax a bit in your lap, "do you wanna order something for dinner? i'm starving," you added, not actually that hungry but you knew he most definitely was considering how ridiculously high his metabolism was.

he nodded, humming a bit as you took your fingers out of his hair for a moment to grab your phone so you could figure out what to order. he looked over his shoulder with a frown on his face and you giggled again, already knowing he was not happy that you stopped scratching his scalp.

"let me do it," he said, taking your phone from you so he could place the order and you could get back to gently running your fingers through his hair.

the two of you remained pretty quiet for the next few minutes while paul placed an order at a restaurant both of you liked, just listening to the movie quietly play in the background.

you noticed him yawn as he set your phone to the side, "you can go to sleep, i'll wake you up once it's here," you reassured, offering his hand a soft squeeze.

paul paused again, not used to being the one cared for, "you sure?" he asked after a moment, peeking over his shoulder again to look at you and scan your features for any signs of annoyance with him.

all he saw was you smiling at him before you leaned down to press a quick kiss to his lips, "positive," you reassured, "i'll be right here," you added and he nodded, seeming content with your answer as he rested his head against your thigh again.

it didn't take long for him to drift off, your touch and the movie quietly playing in the background combined with the fatigue already plaguing him making it easy for him to fall asleep in your lap and finally get some much needed rest.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

my favorite scully moments from s4

in episode 1, she cracks encrypted messages, commenting that “you say ‘a twenty letter code’ to any scientist and they immediately think ‘protein amino acid sequence code’, which is what this turned out to be” <- and that is genius at work right there!!

skinner pulling her aside to ask “do you realize what you are promoting?” when she puts together there's a whole international smallpox conspiracy, and she cuts him off with a clear “i am a SCIENTIST, sir” <- that is right!! you tell him!!!

trying and failing to come up with a theory for how the photos in episode 4 became terrifying: “plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” “the-the photographic chemistry could have changed” “uh-huh” “the-the dyes fade… they… alright, that’s your theory?” (had me absolutely giggling)

we also learn in episode 4 that she took german in college <3

in episode 6, she spends a great deal of time explaining the science behind sleeping pills and their controversial effects

(and i also loved her fury that such an advanced facility was being used for plastic surgery rather than life-saving care)

tearing into the culture of lawlessness while testifying in episode 9; talking about how she left the medical field to protect the innocent and punish the guilty- such an excellent moment, more of that good old fashioned scully righteous rage combined with inherent optimism- and her continuing to read her statement despite the council repeatedly cutting her off (as she should!)

choosing to be jailed rather than reveal where mulder was located, because she will do the right thing no matter the consequences (and is also just a really great friend)

((and bonus points for skinner checking up on her: “you holding up alright?” “i’ve got plenty to read”, she says, as she flips through medical texts))

“it is my natural inclination to believe they are acting in the best interest of the truth… but i am not inclined to follow my own judgment in this case” (casting aside her own optimism in the face of such corruption, understanding her personal bias and objectively putting it to the side… i admire her ability to do so)

((but still. after all she has been through, it is natural for her to believe that the government means well. it's incredible))

this exchange from episode 12: “where could he hide an adult body where it wouldn’t be found?” “i’ll show you” (cut to them sorting through the medical waste, mulder looking horrified as she casually says she needs his longer arms to sift through the body parts)

((but isn't it just great that she knew the answer to that question instantly?))

in episode 12, when she realizes that leonard betts trying to kill her means she has cancer, she responds to mulder saying she should be proud of stopping him with a quiet “i just want to go home”

(we get another "i'm going home" moment in episode 22, after their confrontation in the hallway about her fears, and the exhaustion contained in those few words could make me weep)

in episode 14, she writes letters saying goodbye to mulder, trying to convince him her inevitable death was not his fault: “and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done”, she wrote, knowing how he would blame himself, trying to spare his feelings of guilt even as she knew she had so little time left

later on, her nose starts bleeding while they're making an arrest; “quit staring at me, i’m fine!”, she says in the voice of someone who is deeply not fine, her helplessness inspiring a fury that thrashes about and digs its claws into everything inch of her

how she told mulder she was going to die, but insisted to her mother that she was fine- her mother is furious she didn’t tell her she was sick, shaking in fear, giving her a kiss and a hug, and saying that she is her only daughter now as they hold each other. while she can tell mulder the truth, she can't find the words to tell her mom how bad things really are

writing in her journal that she needs to draw strength from mulder, needs someone to lean on, even though she works so hard to be entirely self-sufficient; “i need to know you’re out there if i’m ever to see through this”

(contrast this with her earlier attempts to do absolutely every single thing by herself and bask in the character growth)

((but then she REJECTS what she wrote in the journal, saying that she isn’t giving up, and she has so much to prove to herself and her family- they have the conversation in the hallway that made me cry and cheer and yell and experience every emotion in between as she realizes that she is something worth fighting for))

in episode 18, she tries her best to save pendrell, telling him that “we still haven’t celebrated my birthday, pendrell; i’m not gonna let you off the hook like this” - it's the way she spent his last moments on earth trying to make him smile that gets me so emotional

later, she's having this very tense face off with skinner until he notices she was trying to hide her nosebleed; he grabs her hand and says “i have a responsibility for the safety of the agents under my supervision, agent scully. i’m not going to put another agent’s life in jeopardy just to keep her out in the field”, and she assures him she’s okay with tears in her eyes (the way he pierced through her best attempts at a stony exterior… i'm emotional)

they visit max fenig’s trailer again and she still HATED it lmao, she says “i remember being amazed at what some people will call a home”

(and then she disses the very bare hotel room they visit in the next episode, saying “i’m not sure if ‘living’ is the word i would use to describe this space” - give her all of the blankets and throw pillows, she wants a cozy house)

((this, combined with her saying "i want to go home" when she is experiencing moments of earth-shattering grief, made me realize how important to her it is that she have a nice, comfortable, safe space for herself))

smirking at her own stupid joke in episode 19; “what was he wearing, a long black robe and carrying a scythe?”

she knows the lowest temperature a human body has ever reached and survived (70 degrees) and also uses the phrase “nuclear magnetic resident spectra”, both of which made my heart skip a few beats

“okay, so this photo that was never taken, when was it never taken?” <- SEVERELY underappreciated line!!!!

in the opening of episode 20, she starts reciting facts about babies born with extra appendages in incredible detail, and i want to know so badly why she is educated on the subject. scully, please give us the story time video

she also mentions her plans to write an article on “diminished acetylcholine production in recidivist offenders” when she goes home from work. because that is how she spends her evenings, very casual. no big deal (said with great sarcasm)

her realization in episode 22 that the killer had been switching around the rings on each victim’s fingers, based on some blurry photos (it was a very good catch!)

talking to her therapist, admitting she struggles to talk about her fears, and that mulder’s passion has been a source of strength during her sickness

(we then, very briefly, see her praying in her nightgown in her apartment, before mulder knocks on the door to ask for her medical opinion. i find that shot so compelling, especially when you contrast it with her saying in the finale that she is not ready to return to the church- it must be too personal to talk about, god must be something she wants to experience on her own at this point in her life)

((and she grapples with the revelation that everyone else who had seen the spirits had been dying, knowing what it means for herself))

the way she shoots the evil nurse in the shoulder not to kill her, but to incapacitate her… scully, your aim is legendary

fun facts with scully, episode 23 edition: dostoyevsky had waxman-geschwind syndrome!

VERY FIRMLY telling mulder that he NEEDS to get to the hospital, and when he continually refuses, instead asking to go on a road trip, she agrees... ONLY on the condition that she drives!!!!

and when his terrible trauma ketamine trip culminates in him almost shooting her and himself, she manages to talk sense into him, before she rests her entire body on him, shielding him, not letting him move, weighing him down like an anchor back to reality

(her being the one taking charge in this episode even while she feels she is losing so much of her agency in her life makes me so emotional)

when mulder interrupts her family dinner in episode 24 to go on a quest for alien answers, she reminds him that this is his goal, and not hers. when he tries to convince her, she refuses to budge- it was frustrating to watch him put her in that situation, but amazing to watch her stand her ground

(and the fact that she wasn’t able to tell him her cancer was getting much worse is also so fascinating to me- why couldn't she bear to break it to him? would saying it aloud make it real?)

and of course, her tracking down the dude that shoved her down the stairs and nearly hitting him with her car (it was deeply satisfying)

[clearheartsgreyflowerss]

A doctor's touch- Baizhu x fem!reader

this is so damn self indulgent and not really as much of a fic but more just my thoughts on Baizhu, so like slightly suggestive? That's like the only warning I have other than this is NOT proofread and will just be word vomit

Once again if you see grammar mistakes no you don't :)

I am 100% under the belief that Baizhu is a touchy person, like he will not get his hands off you. Before you two started dating he would leave little fleeting touches, to your shoulders, to your hands, to your thighs, etc. he just loves the feeling of your skin, even if for a few seconds.

When you two do start dating, good luck trying to get away from him. He will do everything holding your hand, with you in his lap, or just the two of you pressed close together, he just wants to always be near you!

Also he's a doctor, I know he's good with his hands. If he's not busy he will give you massages, and God I'm sure they're the best you'll ever have. He knows exactly where to put pressure and where not to, I'm sure he knows your body better than his own.

His favorite body part is definitely your thighs, he just loves how squishy and soft they are! If he has a break with you he will definitely lay his head on them, changsheng honestly is a little annoyed bc that means she actually has to move off his shoulders.

Speaking of Changsheng, she's totally a fan of you. even if she likes to complain, she does that about everyone, she does it significantly less about you dw :)

I mean this is a pretty obvious thing but he is the best person to be around when you're sick. I mean you literally live in a pharmacy with a doctor, he'll have you feeling better as fast as possible. Aside from the obvious though, I can see him actually being somewhat distraught while you're sick, not enough for anyone else to notice but changsheng, but still.

"Baizhu, you are well aware I don't like being around your neck if your hair is down." Changsheng started to slither up his arm, but stopped as she got closer to his neck. She hissed a little, before he raised his arm to meet her eyes.

"my apologies Changsheng, I've just been a little busy this morning." He walks over to the counter in the storage area of Bubu pharmacy, where he puts her down and then walks out of the room. She hisses once more, but curls up and waits for him to return.

He comes back into the room a few minutes later with his hair done, though changsheng can tell it wasn't done with his normal precision.

"You know [Name] just has a common fever, correct? I can tell that's what's bothering you."

"I am well aware, and it isn't bothering me, I don't know what you are talking about." Changsheng let out a grumble as she makes her way back up his arm and around his shoulders.

"you may be able to fool her, but you cannot fool me."

On the flip side, he is a NIGHTMARE to deal with if he is sick (well, more sick than he normally is). I mean he's literally dying, what's a little bit of extra coughing going to do to him? You are actually going to have to lock him in his room. Or lock yourself in there with him, at least you'll keep him occupied for longer till he tries to escape back to work.

He also will refuse to admit he's sick, like changsheng is at a point where shes begging you to make him lie down for a day or two. Yet he continues to brush off both of you, he always insists there is more work to be done. Even if you get him out right to admit that he's sick, he's still gonna try and take care of himself. He'll try to find all the medicine himself, make his own food etc., just because he doesn't want you to get sick too.

Back to him being touchy (sorry I was talking to my friend while I was writing they brought the being sick thing up) anyway, I think even if he's touchy, he's not a big fan of PDA. Like if you two are just around bubu pharmacy he will always be at the very least holding your hand, but when you two are out and about that's like the most he will do. It's not that he's embarrassed, he just doesn't find it necessary. If you two are out you're probably doing stuff, there's no need to be slowed down by constant touch (though if that's something you want he definitely isn't against it >:3)

THIS IS FOR ALL MY POLY PEOPLE IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT JUST SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH

I believe Baizhu would be open to being in a polyamorous relationship, whether that means both of you are just in an open relationship or you both have a third partner, he definitely doesn't care. I don't think he gets jealous easily, so if you bring another partner around he will welcome them very easily. He does tend to get defensive though, if he believes that one of your other relationships is hurting you, he will tell you what he thinks.

Anyway yeah I thought this was gonna be longer but guess who fucking forgot Tumblr existed! My finals were so stressful and honestly writing even after I was done with them also felt stressful, so I took another break. Hopefully I can get back into writing this summer, (may write some kind of birthday fic bc my birthday was a week ago). I hope y'all are enjoying the shit that I post, I know it's so inconsistent and random, but we're almost at 60 followers which is crazy to me, like the fact that 60 of you like my shitty thoughts enough to follow me is so crazy I love all of you sm :3

Also I'm so sorry if this is unreadable I finished it without looking back at anything that I wrote last so uhhh sorry if I repeated any thoughts.

Daily click to help those in Palestine

[nebulouscoffee]

The thing about Kai Winn's storyline ultimately being a tragedy is, it's not only a tragedy because her fate (in the eyes of the non-linear Prophets) was already known and nothing she did or said was ever going to make them acknowledge her- not only because she wanted so badly to have a big role to play in the grand, historic story of the newly independent Bajor and just couldn't handle the fact that she was never meant to- not only because the Prophets spoke to Sisko and Bareil and Kira and literally even Quark but not her- not only because she was deceived and raped and killed in the end- but most of all because, it was partly her love of Bajor that killed her.

Think about it- her whole regression during that final arc with Dukat is so tragic precisely because she was THIS close to redemption! Throughout the show, we see that her brain processes information in very rigid, binary ways: if you are not my ally, then you are my enemy. If you disagree with even one of my opinions, you are my enemy. If you refuse to endorse and support me in this mission, you are my enemy. That's part of why she's so easily swayed by fascist rhetoric, I think- she's just unable to cope with nuance. (This is foreshadowed in 'Shakaar', where she puts the whole of Bajor under martial law just because Shakaar disagreed with her over how she was handling soil reclamators.) Her personal narrative is I am the one who will save Bajor -> anyone who gets in my way is my enemy and therefore an enemy of Bajor -> I must stop them using any force necessary for the good of Bajor because I am after all the one who will save Bajor.

But when Sisko discovers the city of B'hala in 'Rapture', she is for the first time forced to accept the truth that he really hasn't been faking this whole "talks to the Prophets" thing- he's the real deal. We learn later on (when she tells "Anjohl" about how she honestly felt nothing the first time she saw the wormhole open) that a small, small part of her actually always doubted the existence of the Prophets. Now, she is faced with definitive proof that they are not only very real, but they also really do have a bond with Sisko. And for a while, she even comes to terms with this! In fact, at the end of the episode, she and Kira have possibly their first completely honest exchange:

KIRA: Maybe we're the ones who need to trust the Prophets. For all we know, this is part of their plan. Maybe they've told Captain Sisko everything they want him to know.  WINN: Perhaps. I suppose you heard that Bajor will not join the Federation today. The Council of Ministers has voted to delay acceptance of Federation membership.  KIRA: You must be very pleased.  WINN: I wish I were. But things are not that simple. Not anymore. Before Captain Sisko found B'hala, my path was clear. I knew who my enemies were. But now? Now nothing is certain.  KIRA: Makes life interesting, doesn't it?

Like, YASS babygirl- you too can learn to handle nuance!! I believe in you!!💪💪

And later on, at the onset of the Dominion War, she comes to Sisko for advice herself. She doesn't want to see her planet colonised again, and she's even willing to put aside her desire to be the main character to ensure it doesn't happen. Driven by pride and the need for power as she is, she is also driven by the desire save Bajor (and preferably be the one saving Bajor, which is the subsection of this desire that ultimately ends up being her downfall) - and she does briefly decide that cooperating with the Emissary is the best way to do this! I think about this scene from 'In The Cards' so much:

WINN: ... I have asked the Prophets to guide me, but they have not answered my prayers. I even consulted the Orb of Wisdom before coming here and it has told me nothing. So I come to you, Emissary. You have heard the voice of the Prophets. You were sent here to guide us through troubled times. Tell me what to do and I will do it. How can I save Bajor?  SISKO: You want my advice? Then this is it. Stall. Tell Weyoun you have to consult with the Council of Ministers, or that you have to meditate on your response. Anything you want, but you have to stall for time.  WINN: Time for what?  SISKO: I don't know. But I do know the moment of crisis isn't here yet, and until that moment arrives we have to keep Bajor's options open. I'm aware that this is difficult for you, given our past, but this time you have to trust me.  (Winn holds Sisko's left ear.)  WINN: Very well, Emissary. We put ourselves in your hands. May we all walk with the Prophets.

In the earlier seasons, Winn would often casually make claims that the Prophets had "told her" something, or that she was just "doing what the Prophets asked"- and her political position as Kai always allowed her to just lie about being in contact with them all the time. Now, you can see the sheer humility- the embarrassment, even- on her face as she (for the first time) openly admits to Sisko that she has never actually heard them speak before; and that they clearly "prefer" him. Yes, there's some (understandable imo) bitterness here- but not at him, at THEM. And when she tries to read his pagh at the end- something she probably does to dozens of people every day, most of whom would unquestioningly believe anything she declares afterwards- she doesn't even try to pretend she felt anything there. It's one of her most genuine moments in the whole show, you can just SEE the redemption arc in reach and it's so heartbreaking!!

I think 'The Reckoning' is a huge episode for her too, for many reasons- but let's talk about how it sets up this fascinating parallel between her and Kira (who Odo describes in this episode as having "both faith and humility"). The Prophets choose Kira as their "vessel" because she was "willing"- meanwhile, Winn was right there just begging to be a part of this! Here she is, with a Prophet right in front of her face- and she prays and postures and begs and prays some more, all just to get ignored. Kira's brand of faith is very, "I am ultimately insignificant and I surrender my power and my body and pagh to the Prophets"- Winn's is more, "if I do all the right things, then I will be able to prove to the Prophets that I am worthy of their attention, worthier than everyone else, and maybe then they'll appoint me the saviour of Bajor! It's My Destiny, You See!! (Why Isn't This Happening For Me??)" And the events of this episode are kind of a big slap in the face to her honestly, because they sort of prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Prophets have no interest in her. Maybe stopping the battle was also an attempt at regaining some kind of agency with them- I DID THIS, I pulled a switch and it had a direct effect on the Prophets, so there!! (Whatever that effect entails). She does care about Bajor. Of course she does. But her ideal configuration of Bajor involves her being a major player in its salvation, which she was just never meant to be. And this is why she's so tragically susceptible to Dukat's manipulation- he was the first person ever to tell her everything she always wanted to hear.

And the intriguing thing about Dukat's deception is, it doesn't all fall apart at one go. It falls apart in layers. And this makes for some excellent, excellent Winn characterisation imo.

First, she thinks the pah wraiths are the Prophets- and they tell her, hey, The Sisko has faltered, Bajor needs you, and only you can fix this. Good lord, imagine finally getting to hear those words after a lifetime of silence! And it's very telling that her first reaction isn't to gloat like she would've in the earlier seasons, but instead to humbly- even anxiously- pray. Bajor needs her, the "Prophets" have asked her to do something, this is her moment! Then, this random lovely Bajoran farmer comes in and tells her even more things she has always wanted to hear- that her activism during the Occupation (ignored by Kira and Sisko alike) saved lives, that he always wondered why the Prophets would choose an alien as their Emissary, that surely Sisko and his followers were mistaken- and finally, "our world will be reborn- with YOU as its leader". Sounds good, right? But THEN she finds out she's been speaking to the pah wraiths and the lovely farmer is a devil worshipper actually. And she tries the "wash away my sins" approach- she wants some kind of quick fix ritual that will "purify" her, so she can continue to be Kai the right way. She even admits to Kira that she's always been power hungry and she wants to change- and I believe her! Unfortunately, Kira then tells her something she doesn't want to hear- that she has to step down as Kai. And surely that can't be, right? She's the saviour of Bajor! She's so complex... it's not simply her love of power that this scene reveals imo, but more significantly, her inability to see herself as not a vital part of Bajor's history; of this whole larger narrative. Like-

WINN: I'm a patient woman. But I have run out of patience. I will no longer serve gods who give me nothing in return. "GIVE ME"!! ADAMI MY BESTIE MY GIRL MY BUDDY THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM!!!

So, okay, fine, now she's swayed over to the side that maybe the Prophets aren't that great, and maybe the pah wraiths are the true gods of Bajor (because they were willing to talk to her), and maybe she's okay working with the devil worshipper. But then it turns out he's DUKAT- and at this point, she's literally murdered someone, she's ready to stop this, to go back to Sisko and set things right- but then the book of the Kosst Amojan lights up because of the blood she spilled. She did that. It happened as a direct result of her actions. She's just so desperate to be acknowledged... to have a role to play in all this, no matter who offers it to her. So the pah wraiths actually giving her a reaction isn't something she can resist. And here's where things get even more tragic.

WINN: But the prophecies! They warn that the release of the Pah wraiths will mean the end of Bajor.  DUKAT: The old Bajor, perhaps. But from its ashes a new Bajor will arise and the Restoration will begin.  WINN: Who will be left to see it?  DUKAT: Those the gods find worthy. It will be the dawn of paradise. And you, Adami, are destined to rule it.  WINN: You're sure of that?  DUKAT: It is meant to be.

Again with the ease at which she's swayed by fascist rhetoric! Let's be clear, she was (and is) absolutely against the Cardassian Occupation. But her worldview is built on the pursuit of being "worthier" than everyone else, of being "closer to god" than everyone else- her expectation of faith is that it's some sort of determiner of who's doing it The Most Effectively, rather than it being a practice- and she just completely misses that any sort of plan that executes masses and spares whoever is deemed "worthy" is... literally exactly what people like Dukat did to her planet. Something something faith as competition, faith as determiner of inherent superiority, faith as a way to gain power via proximity to god… never faith as submission. And the worst part is she’s self-aware. It’s heartbreaking.

And it's about to get even more heartbreaking, because she truly believes she has arrived at her girlboss moment in the finale (I think the tragedy of her being a rape victim and knowing this and having to hide the body of the one (1) person who was looking out for her while being stuck with her rapist speaks for itself.) After kicking Dukat out on the street (lol), she studies the eeevil texts and realises that to set the pah wraiths free, you need to make a sacrifice. So now she gets to deceive him in return. And she does! The look of shock on his face when he discovers she poisoned him is priceless imo, and her triumph as she taunts his dead body, the sheer joy on her face as she casts off her Kai robes, when she recites those incantations and something actually happens- and that too such a large pyrotechnic spectacle- is so sad knowing what's coming. Because ultimately, the pah wraiths want to destroy Bajor, right? And Winn just doesn't. Of course they don't choose her. Of course they choose Dukat over her! She really thought that by tricking and murdering him, she'd made him the unimportant piece of the puzzle, that she was stealing back his thunder- but tragically, it turns out even the pah wraiths see her as disposable. Of course they resurrect Dukat (a man who's proved time and time again that he wants to see Bajor & Bajorans destroyed) and turn her into the sacrifice. The way she screams "NO!" here breaks my heart- she's betrayed her planet, and it was all for nothing. (Dukat's "are you still here?" is particularly devastating.) I think it's very significant that her final words are "Emissary, the book!"- it shows that in her last moments, she's owning her mistakes- she's stepping away from power and putting Bajor first, and leaving her own fate in the hands of the Prophets. Who, of course, once again ignore her, and choose to save Sisko instead. God.

The utter tragedy that even in the pah wraiths' plan, she was just a pawn. That she died at the hands of the gods she thought chose her, but used her, all while the gods she'd coveted her whole life stood by and did nothing. The Prophets chose Sisko because they believed he would put Bajor's interests over even his own- and now they ensure he will be back one day to see the new Bajor. She never will.

Yes, it was her pride that got her here. Her mean streak. Her inability to cope with nuance. Her inability to see herself as ultimately insignificant. Her inability to surrender to a higher power in any way that didn't involve becoming more powerful herself; more relevant, more "close to god". But it was also her love of Bajor. Because if she'd cared about Bajor less, then maybe the pah wraiths might have chosen her- or at least spared her, or taken her to their realm after she burned, the way they did with Dukat. Now, she ends up being the one thing she never wanted to be: insignificant.

Honestly if I had to summarise the tragedy of her arc in one sentence, it would probably be Kai Winn: Too Evil For The Prophets, Not Evil Enough For The Pah Wraiths. She and Dukat are not the same! She is a perfectly pathetic, sad and wet blorbo and I am holding her gently in my hands while apologising for her crimes <3

[theoakleafpancake]

After the celebration had finally ended, Halt decided he’d had enough of formalities and appearances. A grand homecoming to Araluen was not what he’d wanted. Now that he had Will back, all that was left to do was to return to the little cabin in Redmont and sleep for a week straight. If it weren’t for the assembly the King called for, he’d be able to do just that.

Someone knocked on the door. He gave a final tug on the straps of his pack before heading over, heaving in a silent sigh. But when the door swung open, he was met with an unexpected face.

Well, not entirely unexpected. It was bound to happen sooner or later. He’d rather it would have been later, but alas, Fate seemed to be enjoying her time with him.

“Crowley.” He stepped aside, allowing the Ranger Commandant in the room. “I thought you’d have left by now.”

“Really?” The sandy-haired man turned to look at him. “Eleven months, and that’s the first thing you have to say.”

“Eleven and one week,” he said quietly. “And I seem to recall giving you a full report earlier. So no, that is not the first thing I have said to you.”

Crowley ran a hand through his hair. “And one week.” A breathy chuckled escaped the other man. “Do you think I haven’t been counting each day?”

He raised an eyebrow. “A Ranger Commandant has more important things to do than wait for the prodigal son to return.”

“I’m sorry.” The older Ranger reached a hand towards his arm and then faltered, those light eyes desperately seeking his. “If I could go back in time, I would change everything. I would have broken you out of prison. I would have covered it all up. No one would have ever known.”

“Having everyone know was a part of the plan.”

“But why, Halt?” His voice broke. “Why would you put us through that?”

Halt raised his eyes to the ceiling. After all this time, his friend still had the nerve to ask the same question. “I don’t give you as much credit as I should. You’re not stupid, Crowley. You know the answer.”

It was the boy. Will. He would have burned the world for his apprentice if necessity demanded it of him. He had given up his life for some cheeky, over-talkative child that had somehow become an integral part of his life. Losing Will had been like losing an arm. He could have said all this and more, but he wasn’t sure if the other Ranger would ever truly understand.

“Crowley.” He laid a land on his friend’s shoulder. “You have your loyalties and I have mine. Surely you didn’t think I’d change over the years?”

“No. I never would have expected that.” The older Ranger turned away. “You always were a stubborn one.”

“And I don’t intend on changing that. I became a Ranger to help you. Not to pledge my full allegiance to a King.”

“That’s exactly what being a Ranger is.” The silver Oakleaf felt heavy around his neck. Halt knew what the Oakleaf meant. Running away from Clonmel, he was given a second chance, and that chance had been Araluen and its Rangers. He liked Duncan a great deal more than he cared to admit—certainly the Araluan was a far better King than either him or Ferris. But against all odds, that’s just what Duncan was.

A King.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Crowley said quietly. “But it seems to me you’re doing fine in that sense.”

Halt let go of the man’s shoulder. “You thought too highly of me. That’s your mistake.”

“I think just enough of you.” The redhead sighed. “My only mistake was turning you away. I’m sorry, Halt.”

He met his friend’s eyes, and saw the pain inside them, pain he was responsible for. “I am, too.”

[frozenjokes]

I’m Really Sorry About The Whole ‘Crush On My Alter Ego’ Thing, But We Could Still Totally Make This Work

Grian woke up early to a harsh alarm as he had every day since Scar’s.. confession..

The sun hadn’t even risen yet, but it probably would in an hour or two, so Grian wasted no time getting right on his morning routine. Which is to say. Doom scrolling for at least an hour before actually getting up. Though before choosing one of many social media platforms to waste his time with, he checked his texts, expecting to find a meme or work schedule change from Cub, and instead:

Good morning sunshine👊👊👊👊👊!!! ❤️ Time to get ready for another day of stopping crime and KICKING ASS👉👊👊‼️⚡️⚡️⭐️✨✨💥💥💥💥 I would say I hope you slept well.. but I KNOW you did and that your going to have a certifiably SLAY DAY⭐️💥⭐️💥⚡️⚡️⚡️ I just wanted YOU to know that your killing it (👊👊👊👊👊👊) and you’re awesome and very cute😳 like cUtEgUy you know and everyone loves you❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️Me included!! Can’t wait to see you today🫵🫵👊👊🫡💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 *dhoots arrow* HOTGUY

It went on for quite a bit longer, but Grian had seen enough actually, and consequently was no longer inclined to stay awake. This would be a problem for future Grian.

Future Grian was not very happy with past Grian when he woke up a few hours later, stumbling in his disoriented state to the kitchenette for coffee. Cub was at the kitchen table scrolling through his phone, and once Grian had the presence of mind to interrogate him, he pulled up the text, shoving his phone in Cub’s face.

“What is this. Did you have something to do with this? Did you write this for him? That’s probably something you’d do. What’s your prerogative here?”

Cub took a long moment to read, a small smile creeping across his face before outright laughing, “Oh, this is great.” Cub gently took Grian’s phone to keep reading, adjusting his glasses, “It just keeps going. How long do you think he spent typing this?”

“I don’t know! I don’t care! What the hell am I supposed to do? Why is he even texting me in the first place?”

“I’m failing to see how this is a big deal. He’s probably just sorry about the Micah thing and this is how he’s chosen to express that. Oh- here. ‘You don’t have to worry about seeing Micah again because I killed him. He’s gone.-‘ several explosions emojis ‘-I also tried to kill HotGuy but when I brought it up to one of my buddies who’s in with the higher ups he said No No Definitely Not Do Not Bring This Up To Anyone Else Ever For Your Own Safety so I’m feeling a little bit more insecure about my place in the world but that’s okay! I mean I know my life has always been in the hands of government doctors but I didn’t actually think through those implications until right now. You know me though, I’ll just keep doing my best! HaHa!’ Oh god. That’s a lot more text with very few emojis. Do these things not have character limits? I don’t think he’s okay actually. This just keeps going.”

“The- Okay, how am I supposed to be upset at him after you just read all that out to me? This is not fair. Can we just put that aside for later because how the fuck am I supposed to look at Scar in even remotely the same way after Micah- You can not possibly understand, Cub, I told Micah everything. We like- connected! And it was just fucking HotGuy the whole time! The guy I can’t fucking stand!”

“Out of costume I think he prefers you just call him Scar.”

“Okay. Sure. Fine. Scar fucked my brain! How can he even expect me to look at him the same way! He just let me think for all that time he was a different guy! Do you know how crazy that is? He talked shit ABOUT HIMSELF constantly! He tricked me!” Still, after a whole week to think about it, Grian couldn’t make sense of that. That he had met someone, made a real connection with a real person, but he hadn’t, not actually, because all of it was a facade. It was just Scar. But it didn’t feel like just Scar- it felt like Micah. Micah, who was just an act. Micah who he’d never see again. And maybe that hurt the most. That he’d lost someone like that. That he’d lost a friend. Someone who he thought might be able to be more than a friend.

“If it helps I think he has serious enough issues with his identity that he was not just ‘Scar but playing a character.’ Micah was a different person to him, I think.”

“Yeah.” Grian’s shoulders sagged, the idea not much of a comfort, “That. I got some idea of that. He was asking me a lot of questions about alter egos when-“ Grian cut himself off to groan loudly, “This is so stupid. This is so stupid. He needs to go directly to therapy for weeks at a time so I don’t have to see him for at least another month.”

Cub shrugged, “Maybe it would be good for you to see him. Maybe you should go in today.”

“How would this help me.” Grian glared, but Cub wasn’t looking up, still reading-

“I don’t know,” Cub said, setting Grian’s phone down on the table to return his focus to his own coffee, “I just kinda want you to.”

“Seriously.”

“I do. You’ve both been a bit of a wreck all week, maybe this’ll clear the air. And unless you plan on never speaking to Scar again, which is not practical for your work or your home life, you’re going to have to tear the bandaid off at some point. If he wants to apologize, you should let him say what he has to say at the very least. You don’t have to forgive him.”

“You- Are you in on this? I think you’re in on this.”

“I didn’t know about the text. Honestly, the majority of that message comes off as very.. in the moment. I don’t think that was planned. But he has a plan. No idea what. He wouldn’t tell me. It’ll probably be funny though.”

“So do you want this to fix me or do you want to laugh at me?”

Cub waved a hand dismissively, not looking up from his coffee. “I want to laugh at Scar.”

“Great.”

“You should go to work though.”

“I know your motives, Cub.”

Cub only shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m also just curious. I want to know what he does. Don’t you? Wouldn’t it be sad if he planned some sort of big I’m Sorry event for you and you never showed?”

“This is extremely appealing to me.”

“But then you’ll never know what it was. Or if it even happened at all.”

“Scar will text you.”

“He might not.”

Grian scoffed. “If you want to see what Scar has done so badly then you can go and see it for yourself.”

“You think security would let me in?” Cub looked a bit too excited by that idea, the kind of expression that crossed his face holding Great Intention. Always a terrifying look on Cub, and definitely not something to be encouraged lest he get himself arrested.

“I don’t know. Probably not.”

Cub deflated (a great relief), but didn’t budge on his prior sentiment. “You should go.” Grian rolled his eyes.

“Well I am going, I want to go, but I'm not trying to see any of Scar. If he wants to talk to me he can chase me down. I’m not playing into anything he has planned.”

“Oh,” Cub blinked, then looked back at his phone, “Great. My job’s done then.”

“You are in on this!”

“I maintain my innocence. Hope it’s a good day though.”

“It won’t be.”

“If you say so.”

Grian rolled his eyes, taking his coffee off the maker and heading back to his room. He dressed in his underclothes, grabbed his bag, then headed out with a passing goodbye. Cub’s focus was elsewhere anyway, getting ready for his own work. One day Cub would be able to quit that damn job. Now that Grian had he means, he was going to make sure of it.

…

With the ample warning, Grian made sure to steer completely clear of his and Scar’s offices. He intended on lingering here as little as possible, only dropping in to change and collect a radio.

Apparently Scar had anticipated this.

“Well hello there!”

Grian didn’t catch more than a glance of him before slamming the public office door closed, but had to open it again seconds later because what the fuck was Scar wearing.

Scar had laid himself out over the center desk, dressed head to toe in the most garishly abhorrent green crop top, booty shorts, and sparkly jewelry Grian had ever seen all on top of his uniform. ‘IM SORRY’ was written across the chest in neon pink fabric marker chicken scratch, a miserable failure at matching CuteGuy’s colors. The entire outfit clashed so horribly that Grian couldn’t help but stare, for a moment too long apparently because Scar took this as an invitation to continue speaking.

“CuteGuy! I had a rose for you, but you took your sweet ass time getting here and I got bored, so I ate it instead. You know how there’s rose flavored candy and shit? Does not taste like the flower. Would not recommend. Actually!” Scar rolled over onto his stomach, kicking his legs, and Grian choked on a snort when he saw the text across Scar’s ass said ‘WHORE.’ “I was trying to spit it out, you know, and I’m pretty sure my saliva is purple now. It turned my water purple. I might have poisoned myself.”

Grian found himself stuck between bafflement and a laugh, but he refused to show Scar he was any amount amused by this display, his voice stilted in suppression when he finally spoke. “Give me. A radio.”

“Sure thing!” Scar plucked one off the dock, spinning it in his fingers before tossing it across the room. Grian caught it, turning on his heel to leave. “Hey! Where are you going?”

Grian didn’t feel the need to answer, shutting the door behind himself as he went, but it wasn’t long because he heard the tip-taps of Scar’s boots behind him, not running, but certainly trying his best to catch up.

“Did you see my message this morning?”

“I saw it.”

“Did you see the part where I asked to take you to lunch?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go to lunch then? Later, obviously. You don’t even have to go with me!”

Grian scoffed through a chuckle, rolling his eyes. Ridiculous. “No thanks.”

“I thought so. That’s okay! Maybe another time! I’m going to go now, but it was nice to see you, CuteGuy!”

Grian frowned, not responding or turning around. If Scar wanted to dress like an idiot, that was his prerogative. Grian wasn’t going to be the one to stop him. He had actual work to be doing.

…

Grian liked how often he got to fly in this line of work. CuteGuy the villain didn’t fly anywhere; he laid low, he scouted the streets from roofs of buildings, he stuck to the shadows. ‘Grian’ didn’t fly much either, not without a reason. Sometimes he’d fly just like anyone would go for a walk, but he liked doing something, he liked having places to go. As much as he loathed superhero culture- and the whole damn city for that matter- he loved this.

It wasn’t unusual for a crowd to gather at the scene of a fight or crime, but maybe Grian should have known that a crowd this large, this dense, was a red flag. It had been a couple hours since he’d set off into the city, so his guard was down, he was in the zone. He had just assumed someone was hurt. That people were trying to help or panicking. Clearing the crowd revealed otherwise.

Scar was laying on the sidewalk, still wearing his clashing clothes, signing a book from a fan before shooing them away while looking distinctly like the two of them were in on some sort of inside joke. He.. didn’t have his legs.

“CuteGuy!” Scar swooned, drawing a gloved hand across his forehead, “I have fallen and I can not get up! I need a handsome and capable superhero to assist me!”

Grian cringed, but despite the majority of people having backed up, no one seemed to actually have left, encircling the both of them in a tight barrier. Scar knew plenty well how their fans felt about the two of them, (Grian had stumbled upon some.. choice pieces of fanart before) and he’d never miss an opportunity to tease under the scrutiny of eager eyes. Though, there was something beautifully normal about that; the teasing, the invitation of banter. The kind of normalcy you long for, even when things aren’t well. (Even when Micah was never real, even after you lost a friend.)

“You’re plenty capable. This is a severe waste of my time.” Grian flapped his wings, not intending on leaving, just needing more space from the onlookers.

Scar watched him carefully, delight dancing across his face when he realized that Grian was going to stay. “Well of course, of course, but going all that distance walking on my hands? No no, I don’t think so! I don’t even want to think about the kinds of calluses I’d get! And it would take hours.”

“Serves you right. Did you make sure that call only wired to me?” Grian huffed, making a grand show of his annoyance since Scar couldn’t see the roll of his eyes. And.. well.. he couldn’t quite help himself with the crowd. Everyone gets a kick out of dramatics sometimes. “Where’d your legs run off to anyway?”

“Oh! Funny story! The Goat took them.”

“You paid him to do that?”

“That would have been a really good idea! But no. He just happened to see me, and after laughing at me for like ten minutes he said ‘iF yOu aRen’t uSinG thEsE tHen I wiLL’ like he does, you know him. It was a little ominous actually. I’m a bit worried. My doctors are going to be pissed when they find out, so personally, I would rather be delivering this news with legs in hand.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah. It’s not ideal. If it wasn’t already clear, I’m going to need help getting them back.”

“I hope you know how unbelievably a ‘you problem’ this is because I am not helping. Good luck hunting him down. First I’d recommend calling someone to bring you your chair.”

“No!” Scar jolted upright, proving just how capable he was of not laying pathetically on the concrete, “I want you! Look, look at me. Listen. Close your eyes.”

Grian made a face, scoffing to hide the hint of amusement that was threatening to show in his expression. “Do you want me to look at you or do you want me to close my eyes.”

“Listen. Imagine. HotGuy and CuteGuy: Dynamic Duo-!”

“This sounds awful.”

“-I’m up on your shoulders, we’re infiltrating The Goat’s home base together! You’re punching bad guys and I’m shooting my bow from above-“

“And how do you think you’re going to hang on, huh?” Grian interrupted, tapping his foot.

“Obviously I’d-“ Scar moved, seeming to realize too late he didn’t have the legs he was planning on using. This did not deter him, a sharp smirk splitting his smile, “Velcro!”

Grian snorted despite himself, “Yeah. That’d be perfect, wouldn’t it. I foresee zero issues.” With a great irritation that gripped him out of nowhere, Grian was suddenly aware of other voices, the crowd, speaking loudly amongst themselves. Someone started to chant his name. Another chanted ‘Velcro!’ That caught on much faster. Grian flapped his wings far more aggressively when the crowd began to close in, hitting civilians out of his personal bubble, but this didn’t seem to be very effective, anxiety crawling under his skin as the attention started to be too much. Scar seemed to notice, but despite his efforts to control the onlookers, they were too rowdy, too caught up in their excitement to listen.

“Goodbye.” Grian hissed, straining to be heard, and Scar half-shrugged, a possible attempt at apology.

“So that’s a no, then? You’ll fetch my legs at least, will you?”

“No.” Grian beat his wings hard, forcing civilians out of his way and prepping to take off.

“Oh! Okay! Have a nice day then!”

Grian was gone before he could hear another word, before any other body could brush the backs of his wings. Anger painfully out of proportion boiled in his stomach, spilling out and staining the rest of his insides in its pulsing fire. He wasn’t angry at Scar. Well. He could certainly blame Scar, luring him around and speaking like that, stoking the fire of fans who adored the both of them, but Grian hadn’t minded the show, he hadn’t even cared all too much that he’d been tricked, not when the resulting interaction felt so.. normal. He liked an act. He liked being CuteGuy. So why was he so upset? And maybe that was it. He was just angry for no reason, and that made him angrier, because despite everything, despite trying so damn hard, he was still broken.

He could punch someone about it. He wanted to punch someone about it. Cub wouldn’t want him to.

So he flew instead. Flew like he liked, fast and far and high until the air was too thin, then let himself fall, playing games with his life as he hurtled through the sky before catching himself under spread wings and doing all of it over again. Eventually he got tired. Eventually he had to stop. But the aftermath of a senseless episode still buzzed under his skin, nearly as unpleasant as the burn that caused it. Grian could feel it. He could feel it under his skin. He wanted to tear it out. He wanted to fly, exhaust himself until he couldn’t feel anything at all, but he was too tired, so instead he found himself gliding to Cub’s workplace. He didn’t know where else to go.

“CuteGuy-“ Cub’s manager was frightened by his sudden entrance, stumbling through the front door aggressively enough to rattle the attached bell into senseless noise.

“Hello Diane.”

“How do-“ but Grian cut her off with a frustrated groan, not caring to listen as he dragged himself to the back. Cub looked even more startled to see him than his manager did, though surprise quickly melted into concern when Grian collapsed into a pile of cardboard boxes. He grunted. They were not as soft as they looked.

“Ah CuteGuy, friend of HotGuy who I am friends with and know for this reason- it’s fine Diane, it’s fine, let me just- I can handle it.” Grian heard the soft arguing from the doorway, but didn’t care to say anything. He didn’t care to think. He just wanted to be better.

Eventually the door closed.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Cub’s hand flew to his shoulder and Grian viscerally cringed, lips parting in silent discomfort until the hand was swiftly drawn back, “I’m sorry. Do you need me to call an ambulance? Are you okay? You’re not okay.”

“I’m not hurt,” Grian mumbled, narrowing his eyes against Cub’s panicked expression in his peripherie. “Angry. Stupid.”

Cub jolted in his recognition, gears shifting immediately. “Scar, then. Was it Scar? I mean, I can’t say I haven’t been keeping tabs on the news- social media, the like. I’ve seen more than a few videos- people are going kinda nuts over nothing in my opinion but- It was too much. I’ll tell Scar to stop bugging you, he’ll stop.”

“It’s not Scar. I don’t care about Scar.”

Cub made a bit of a face, enough for Grian to tell he wasn’t so sure about that, but Cub didn’t voice the thought, instead asking, “What happened?”

“Nothing happened. Nothing.”

“Is- I’m struggling a little with the tone, man.”

“I don’t know! I was fine, I was kinda having fun and then I just wasn’t and out of nowhere everything just sucked and I was so mad and that’s not supposed to happen to me! Nothing happened and I wanted to rip out my hair and punch things and I didn’t, but now I just feel stupid! Why is my brain so fucking dumb.”

Grian let his head drop, face down in a pile of cardboard, but Cub didn’t move, intense in his silence. Eventually he sat down, right on the floor. “I need to break these down anyway,” he hummed, almost subconsciously as he leaned to grab something off his desk. The next couple minutes were filled with the sound of a boxcutter against tape and cardboard. It wasn’t awful.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Cub asked, not much more than a whisper. Not like he was sad or anything either, just focused on the task at hand.

“Okay,” Grian mumbled, the word coming out entirely indecipherable as anything but a noise of assent.

“I think you were nervous this morning. I think maybe you had an alright day, but got overwhelmed near the end. You can be having a good time and still get overwhelmed. There were a lot of people around you from what I could tell; it looked kinda claustrophobic.”

“But I didn’t- I didn’t care. It was like a switch in my brain just flipped! No build up!”

“Sometimes that’s how it happens. Sometimes there is build up and you just don’t notice until it’s too late. It’s not always so simply defined. There’s not always a reason. And there doesn’t have to be. You’re not regressing because you had a bad day, Grian. You’re not stupid.”

“I feel awful.”

Out of the corner of Grian’s eye, he saw Cub nod. “Yeah. I get it.” Cub continued with the boxes and Grian didn’t speak, only shuffling a little to grant easier access to the few he was laying on. But Cub stopped almost abruptly after breaking down one box, the room blanketed in a meaningful silence. “Have I told you yet? How damn proud of you I am?”

The question jolted Grian out of his daze. He didn’t know what to say. How to respond. “I haven’t done anything.”

“Of course you have. You’ve been dealt a pretty shitty hand of cards, but you haven’t stopped working with them. You haven’t given up. And you have your moments, you have bad weeks, bad months, but you still pick yourself back up at the end of today. I think you’ve grown. I don’t think Grian from a couple months ago would have walked away from the crowd and taken his anger somewhere better. I don’t think Grian from a couple months ago would have come to me. I respect you, Grian. You’ve come so damn far. I’m proud of you.”

Grian shook his head. “I haven’t done anything. It’s all you. I don’t pick myself up at all, you’re just pushing me back on my feet.”

“I haven’t known a single person that overcomes any of these kinds of challenges without support. That doesn’t make you any less capable, Grian. You’re still standing on your own two feet. I am proud of you.”

Discomfort burned in Grian’s chest. Cub didn’t get it. He didn’t understand. “It’s all for you. I’m only here because of you.”

“Having a strong motivator doesn’t discount all the hard work you’ve put in for yourself. You want to be better, Grian. You give your blood, sweat, and tears to make it happen. I’m not just dragging you along. You go to therapy and work your ass off. You keep track of your meds. You make the decision to walk away when all of you wants to haul off and kick someone’s shit in. You do it. You. And maybe most impressively, every time you fail, get arrested, relapse into old behavior, you peel yourself right off the concrete and try again. And there’s nothing harder than that. So that’s why I’m proud. That’s why I will always be proud. You’re a good man, Grian. You’re good.”

Grian didn’t know what to do with that. A soft chill rippled through his form, shaking him in his entirety despite its gentle nature. All of him felt so heavy. His lungs were full of lead.

“Can I have a hug?” A meek question, but he didn’t care.

“Of course.”

Cub’s touch sent another wave of coolness riding through his veins, contracting his muscles, making him sick and heavy and limp. And then, slowly, a steady march that began in his chest and spread outward; warmth. A soft, perfect warmth. The kind of love that could make anyone believe they were something to be proud of.

[idontplaytrack]

What the hard launch

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader (+ older sister Regina)

Warnings: fluff & coarse language

Janis comes over the next day as promised, spending the night and making things right with your sister. Read part one & part two !

(Pictures used are from Pinterest & Auli’i’s IG)

“Hey! Here I am.”

“Hi.” You smiled once you saw her standing in front of you. Janis pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back, “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good, very energised.” You laughed, stepping aside so she could enter.

“Janis.” Regina stopped what she was doing in the kitchen and looked up, then walked over.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Regina says with a little bit of a shrug.

Could’ve gone worse.

You went up to your room with Janis and left Regina alone downstairs. “Leave your door open!” Regina hollers.

“Didn’t expect you to actually come over.”

“Why’s that?” Janis asked as you two stepped inside your room.

“I know you and Regina have your own stuff to deal with and that you don’t exactly like her. I don’t really know what happened because she refused to talk to me about it, but if it makes you uncomfortable to be here, we don’t have to be here.” You sat down on your bed, Janis does the same.

“I’ll talk to Regina later, settle it once and for all. I’m here to see you, that’s it. I don’t need to focus on her, how she feels. As long as she doesn’t stop me from seeing you, even if we can’t go back to good terms again, at least we are on talking terms, you know?”

You looked at her, she does the same, grabbing ahold of your hand, “Don’t worry, that’s not your battle to fight.”

Before you could respond at all, a string of knocks on your door made you jump. “Sorry.” Regina says, “Janis, can I just talk to you for a minute?”

You looked between the two of them nervously, unwillingly letting go of Janis’ hand after she gives yours a squeeze.

“We’re just gonna talk. She’ll be right back, I promise.” Regina promised you.

Regina leads Janis to the kitchen island and sat down, telling the brunette to do the same. “I wanted to…apologise for what I did. The name-calling in middle school, the Burn Book, everything. All of that was unnecessary and hurtful and rude, and I don’t want that to affect your relationship with my sister. She really likes you and she’s really happy, and…you make her very happy which is all I want her to be. So, could we move forward from our past and just focus on what we have going on right now? Or, you don’t have to forgive me, I get that. I just want us to put aside our differences and problems when it comes to things concerning y/n.”

“You admitting you did something wrong is a big step, a big deal which I appreciate and though those words would stick for awhile, I forgive you. We were kids, we make mistakes. And as long as you mean it, we’re good.”

“Really?” Regina’s gaze softened at the unexpected response, “Okay, thank you. I— that’s all I need to know.”

Janis nods. “I really like her and I’m getting the feeling that she likes me back. But we’re just taking it slow…doing whatever feels right for us. We’re not official, but I’m definitely not seeing anyone else. I don’t want to put the pressure on her to get us the labels, I get how scary and emotional it can be having a first love, a first crush. What we have right now…is what I can see us being like for a long while. She doesn’t have to say those words yet if she doesn’t feel ready because I know her. I can feel the care and the love and the affection she has for me. It’s crazy to think about, honestly. We’ve all known each other for so long and all this just feels…right.”

“To be completely honest with you, every time we eat out I’m so worried because she’s allergic to peanuts— not severely, thank god. But she’s also lactose intolerant, yet she still loves to eat all kinds of ice creams and cheese and I just look at her like, why on earth are you putting yourself through hours of cramps and nausea and having to even go to the bathroom? It’s not too challenging to have to navigate that but now that our Mom’s always away, all the responsibilities kind of fall on me.”

“I’m sorry about the divorce.” Janis nodded understandingly.

“I appreciate that, and also just how fucking happy you’ve been making her. It’s so damn cute to witness.”

Janis stifles a laugh, “That’s…good to know.”

“Actually, I’m curious— she asked you out one weekend and you just went with it? Did you automatically go ‘it’s a date’ or ‘oh, she just wants to hang out’.”

“Regina. I’m no genius but I’m no fool either. I could kinda tell she likes me.” Janis reveals, “If you recall, I don’t usually just go up to somebody and make friends with them.”

“And now, a mandatory warning— if you break her heart. I’m coming after you.”

“I hear ya.” Janis shrugs, “Good talk. Can I go back upstairs now?”

“Sure.” Regina waves, “Go kiss your girl.”

“Oh, we haven’t done that yet.” Janis said back while walking up the stairs.

“I know it won’t take too long before it happens.” Regina smirks.

“Shut up.” Janis couldn’t help it but laugh, also secretly a little happy that Regina was so supportive of it all.

————

“How’d it go?”

“Perfect, actually. We’re good now.” She made her way to your side, getting her legs under the duvet.

“That’s so good.” You smiled, relieved.

“What do you wanna do?” Janis asks.

“Um…” You sigh softly, “I don’t know, really.”

“So you wanna just cuddle?” Janis asked cheekily, her arm was then felt wrapped around.

She did not just ask you that. Did you want that? Yeah. Would you actually verbally say yes? No. Then you felt her eyes looking at you again, so you just looked down, then away. “Since when were you this shy with me?” She jokes.

You laughed awkwardly, “Don’t know.”

“Well, my offer still stands. You want to cuddle?”

Okay, yeah, screw it. She was here right now, and you wanted to get comfy. You didn’t exactly have to say anything but just snuggle up against her in order for Janis to get her answer. So, that’s what you did. “Let’s watch a movie.” She suggests, finding your TV remote beside her. “You wanna pick?”

“Mm, no.”

“Okay then.” She chuckles, combing a hand through your hair as she spoke, “Comedy?”

“Okay.”

“Getting a little comfortable there, are we? That’s cute.” She realises you had your hand resting on her torso. Which you barely had the time to retract before she saw it.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry?” Janis squinted, “Hell, no. Don’t be sorry. That’s totally okay, put it there if you want to put it there.”

“Okay.” You nearly snorted laughing. “I— yeah.” Your hand finds its way back and you soon relaxed again, more so when you felt the warmth of her palm rubbing circles on the small of your back.

Halfway through the film, your mind drifts, and somehow came this question, “Jan?”

“Yeah?” Janis hums, eyes focused on the TV screen.

“What are we?” You continued, also fixated on the movie showing on the screen.

She pauses the video. Shit.

“Well, we’d be dating, technically. I’m not seeing anyone else but I don’t want either of us to feel the pressure of needing a label right away.” Janis answers softly, “I like you, I care about you and that’s what matters to me. I don’t need you to feel like you have to say anything or do anything to make it ‘official’. As long as our feelings are mutual, I’m happy with whatever we have right now and just…let everything else fall into place when it feels like the right time. Regina asked me, and I told her the same thing. I mean it, everything feels different with you— a good kind of different, yet still so familiar and soft and just…somehow exactly what I’ve dreamed of in a relationship.”

A smile tugs at your lips, “I didn’t even know how to tell you I liked you.”

“Doesn’t matter because I can feel that when I’m with you. The way you talk to me, the way you carry yourself, the way you look at me whether I’m talking to you or not. I know it’s not easy, it’s intimidating and intense and emotional and it’s not an easy step to take. But we’re here now one way or another.”

You took a deep breath and looked up at her, meeting her gaze, “I like you. I really like you, Jan.”

She smiles at you so damn brightly, it made you heart flutter. Janis wraps both her arms around you tightly, “I really like you too, y/n.”

“Woah, it’s getting a little dark outside.” Janis remarked. You snuggled closer, face down a little bit more, as if to block out the sight of the grey skies out your window.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She soothed, “It’s just a bit of rain.”

“I don’t like the thunder.” You told her, voice muffled.

She rubs your back again, pulling you closer, “It’s alright, I got you. Would it help if you put on headphones or something to block out the sound?”

“Never tried. I just ignore them and get startled every time I hear one.” You muttered, “Do you want any snacks? I’m gonna go downstairs and grab some things.”

“No, I’m good.” She says, scooting a little so you could get out.

You grabbed a bag of pretzels for you and Janis to share then a can of soda each. You returned to see her sprawled out on the bed, only looking up when she heard you set the items down. “Hey.”

“Whatcha doing?”

“Your bed’s really comfy.” She says.

“Okay, Jan.” You nod, chuckling, “Glad you’re comfortable. I got you a drink and some pretzels for us to share.”

“Can I just stay here?”

“Sure you can.” You joked, cracking the can open and taking a sip. Janis groans softly as she sat back up, “Come here, you.”

She pulls you into her lap, you yelped, scared that you were going to spill the drink. You look at her, she looks at you. Then, she leaned closer to you, brushing the hair out of your face. The intensity of the eye contact and sheer closeness of your faces made your heart race. Cupping your face, she gave you a look as a silent ask. You nodded your head eagerly, “Mhm.” The next thing you knew, her lips were against yours. Surprised, but you instantly melted into it.

Janis breaks away a few seconds later, still gazing right into your eyes, “Yeah, I’m gonna hide my face now.” You told her, feeling the blush quickly forming on your cheeks. You climbed off her lap and went back to the head of your bed, settling in your previous spot while you swirled the can in your hand.

You couldn’t help it but giggle, hiding your face behind one hand. You hear the same noise come out of her mouth a little ways in front of you. “Are you okay?”

“I am, I’m fine.” You said through the laughter.

She sits down next to you just like she did earlier, “Good.” She caresses your cheek with her thumb, a soft smile on her face.

You squealed, “I just— I can’t believe it. God I’m such a loser—”

“Hey, no!” Janis gasped, “You are not.”

“Yes I am, why am I making such a big deal out of a kiss—”

“No you aren’t.” She said back, laying her head in your lap, “I think it’s cute.“

————

Walking down the stairs as quietly as she could, Janis was shocked to see Regina in the kitchen. “It’s…1am. Why are you up?”

“Back hurts. Why are you up?”

Janis shrugs, going to pour herself a glass of water, “I was up talking with y/n, I didn’t even realise it was that late. But then she dozed off and I finally realised the time so I tucked her in.”

“You guys have been talking the whole time? Damn.”

“Four years is a long time, Regina. We talked about everything.” Janis sat down on a stool opposite the blonde. “Also we kissed.”

Regina’s mouth fell open, “Oh, my God. What?!”

“Then again.”

Regina nodded, seemingly impressed.

“Then…”

“‘Imi’ike, I don’t need to hear it if you went down on my sister. Never tell me that.”

“Relax, we didn’t do any of that.” Janis bites back a laugh, “I was gonna say then she just snuggled with me and dozed off.”

“I see she still loves clinging onto you.” Regina teased, “She’s so gay.”

“Yeah, well — so are we.” Janis chortled.

“I’m saying, she really loved laying on your chest even when she was tiny.” Regina smirked.

“I’ve got nice tits and I’m owning that, okay? She’s my girlfriend, if she wants to lay on me, she can do that all day.” Janis shrugs, shamelessly saying.

“You’re not drunk are you?” Regina eyes her suspiciously.

“Oh, no way. Sleep deprived? Definitely.” Janis glares at her, “I am running on Diet Coke and pretzels.”

Regina held back a laugh, “Was dinner that bad?”

“No, it was good. I’m just saying— we’ve been snacking on a bag of pretzels all day, after dinner too.”

“Yeah, she likes her pretzels.” Regina shrugs, “Go to bed.”

“No…I don’t think so.”

“Well she’s asleep so what do you want?”

“I want…to tell you that we’re good. I thought about what you said and we should definitely move forward. Life can only get better from here, right? Shit might have went down but life still had to move on. Now, we’re choosing to have a fresh-ish start. Make our lives better than they were before. No bitterness, no anger just tough lessons learned and new beginnings.”

Regina flashes her a genuine smile, “I’m glad, and I agree, how our lives are like depends on the choices we make. Alright, we’re good.” She raised her glass, Janis does the same. Their glasses clinked, “To new beginnings.”

Janis nodded firmly, “To new beginnings— is that wine?”

“Let me live okay? I have chronic pain and I basically am my little sister’s parent. A glass every now and then won’t hurt me.”

“Touché.” Janis shrugs, finishing her glass of water. “I’ll uh, head back upstairs and get some rest. You try and get some sleep, too. Good night.”

“Good night.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

Hey look another part🤭 who wants more or should I just end it at 3 parts?

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

Prompt List

Hey, guys! I've made a list of prompts that y'all can send in, along with the driver you want! I am going to start with F1 imagines, and maybe, later on, I'll include other fandoms too. Also, I haven't really learned how to make an smau yet, so those requests might take me some time.

Feel free to send in stuff aside from this as well!

“We should get married.”

“What would happen if I kissed you right now?”

“I never really left.”

Using each other’s phones without supervision 

Having their first serious fight

“Seeing you like this, I fell even more in love with you.”

“You love me again.” “Who said I stopped?”

“Maybe this was a mistake.”

“Do I make you nervous?”

raspberry lip gloss

pajama bottoms

flushed cheeks

a fogged up mirror

colouring tattoos

lipstick marks on shirt collars

silver bangles

six missed calls

“Silly me to assume that you would care.”

“I can’t believe that we finally made it.”

“We’re ride or die, remember?”

“I’ll be here forever. For as long as you’ll have me.”

“If you insult them, you insult me.”

“We’re a package deal.”

“I could pick you out from a room full of thousands of people.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’ve saved me so many times; it’s only right that I return the favor.”

“Did you seriously drop everything just to come here?”

“You are my home.”

“I saved this for you.”

“I got you your favourite.”

“I haven’t watched any of it without you.”

“This reminded me of you.”

“You can have the last one.”

“You could put a knife to my throat and I wouldn’t flinch.”

“I made this for you.”

“I knew you would be there. You always are.”

“I don’t care about what they think, I care about you.”

“I know, I know, I’m stuck with you. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“really? i never knew that about you.”

“who’d buying you flowers that isn’t me?”

“isn’t paying for dinner a date thing?”

“for you, i’d do anything.” “i know.”

a tattoo parlour, buzzing with machinery and walls lined with artwork .

an otherwise empty parking lot .

the thick crowd of an audience at a show .

“Wanna dance?”

“i love that about you.”

“your hugs are the best.”

“could you get any cuter?”

“please come back to bed.”

“god, you’re just the cutest.”

“wow. you look really good”.

“can you come here? please?”

“you’re freezing! take my jacket.”

stargazing

“I wish I could hate you.”

“I can hate your guts but still respect you.”

physical touch as a love language

words of affirmation as a love language

acts of services as a love language

“I miss home.”

“You’re safe with me.”

accidentally calling the other wife/husband

a forgotten anniversary gift hidden in a closet

“I think I need help.”

a cherished photograph tucked inside a book

an old, faded love note found in a pocket

a favorite blanket with a small, stitched heart

“What if we get caught?”

“Would you please just kiss me?”

a faded Polaroid tucked behind a mirror

a handwritten recipe with personal notes in the margins

leaving post-its everywhere

thunderstorms

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

Pet names/Nicknames

sleeping arrangements

grabbing the other’s hand so they don’t fall

guiding each other through a crowded room with gentle touches

helping someone zip up a jacket in a chilly wind

subtle protection

“I’m sitting front row. I always do.”

cozy pizza night

sandcastles

“You scared me!”

coming home after a long day

dancing in the rain

domestic life

time difference

hugs

scrunchies

painted nails

promise rings

face masks

sunday morning breakfasts

warm cups of cocoa

late night conversations

movie marathons on rainy day

staying up all night and watching the sunrise together

building a fort with blankets and pillows