#but i still want to do it how do i get myself to fucking stop

[that-sarcastic-writer]

You’ve got my body, flesh and bone

Obsessed!Rafe x nerdy!girl!reader

Summary: something was different about you, and rafe can’t stop thinking about you ever since you came home from college. He knows you want him, too, even if you don’t show it

Warnings: explicit sexual content, minors dni, penetrative sex, p in v, unprotected sex, cream pie, oral (fem receiving), fingering, obsessed behaviors, pervy behaviors (I think?), Rafe is down bad, reader is secretly naughty, dom!rafe, spitting, choking, bit of degradation, Rafe is rough and she likes it.

Wrote this with s2 Rafe in mind but he’s not as psychotic🥰 reader also wears glasses, hope you like being blind

WC: 5.5k I’m so sorry

A/N: NOBODY LOOK AT MEEEEE. Anyway I couldn’t help myself. Rafe and Drew are in my mind all day and I need them so bad so I wrote it! I dedicate this to the reason of my insanity @bloodibambiidoll love you doll for feeding me into crash out Rafe😩. This was heavily inspired by her own Rafe fics so def check her out!

Also tagging my other rafe baby @babygorewhore🩷

There weren't a lot of things in this world that Rafe didn’t have. His whole life, anything he wanted, he had, at the palm of his hand. Whatever he wanted, he could do. And he fucking loved it. He didn’t know what it was like to crave something to the point of madness. Until you came around. 

He didn’t know what it was, that feeling deep inside his gut. He didn’t know if it was lust, or desire, or if he truly felt something for you. Perhaps he felt all three. But one thing he knew for certain. If he didn’t have you soon, he was going to cave someone’s face in. It didn’t help that you shot him down every time. The more you ignored him, the more he craved you. Albeit he knew he had a chance in high school and he didn’t take it then. But even he knew he was a prick then. More than he was now, anyway. Deep down he couldn’t blame you for not giving him a chance now, he didn’t want you when you were all quiet and had those ugly glasses, so why should he get you now that you were more confident and stopped giving a fuck what people thought about you? He had to admit, college made you hot as fuck. 

Rafe didn’t know it at first, but the first time he saw you at a party, your hair all pretty, your laugh so contagious he heard it across the room, your clothes hugging every curve of your body perfectly. His jaw fucking dropped. He almost didn’t believe it was you at first. Until he heard whispers about just how fucking hot you had gotten after college. He didn’t know it then, but his sanity was going to go downhill from there. 

That was a month ago, and he still couldn’t get you to give him the light of day. It was almost like you were running away from him, every time. And it pissed him off, really, it did. He craved your attention like he never before. Maybe he was getting soft. Or he was going insane. Either one.

The worst part? 

You were doing it on purpose. 

You caught on pretty quickly. After the first couple of times of catching Rafe blatantly staring at you whenever he saw you, you were curious. It wasn’t entirely outlandish, you were like an exotic animal, having come back to the island after graduating early from university. You didn’t change much, you just learned to manage your social anxiety and started putting more effort into your appearance. You didn’t understand why everyone made such a big deal out of you. But you ignored it for the most part. 

But you couldn’t ignore Rafe. His presence was intoxicating. Even if he didn’t approach you directly. You knew he was there. But you never made an effort to talk to him. You only ever talked to Sarah when you saw her. She was the one that pointed out Rafe in a corner, Topper talking his ear off but Rafe wasn’t paying listening to a word being said, he was looking at you. You, of course, brushed her off with the excuse you gave everyone. 

“He'll get over it, just give it a week.”

He did not, in fact, get over it. 

He thought you didn’t notice, but he followed you on instagram. Of course you noticed. How could you not? Your account was public, but you occasionally looked at who followed you. And the second you saw Rafe fucking Cameron followed you, you almost fainted. Suddenly, the stupid crush you had on Rafe at sixteen came flooding right back. You refused to get your hopes up, but the thought of Rafe quietly stalking your social media never left your mind.

You had no proof, but over the course of a month, you posted on your stories way more than you ever did in college, because you knew Rafe would see them. If you went to a party on Figure 8? Insta story. If you went to the beach? Swimsuit selfies. Felt pretty and did your makeup? Insta story. And what did you notice? Rafe always coincidentally seemed to end up at the exact place you were at. He never came alone, obviously. But he always hung out nearby, always within your line of sight. 

You were driving him mad, certainly. There's no way it was legal for you to wear a swimsuit like that. It actually made his blood boil knowing there were other guys blatantly eye fucking you. Only he should be allowed to do that. He angrily sipped into his cup, silently fuming as he had to stand and simply watch you laugh and run around with your friends, walking past him every time you got drinks for the bar. 

He swore he saw you grin at him one time, a devious and flirty look in your eyes when you made eye contact with him. And he was ready to grab you by the arm and drag you to his car and fuck you right then and there. But he decided against it. Somehow he had enough self control. But it was wearing thin the longer his torture dragged on. 

“Girl, what did you do to Rafe?” Your high school best friend asked you when you came back with your drinks. You frowned, tilting your head innocently. 

“To Rafe? Nothing. I haven’t even talked to him since I came back.” You answered with the truth. Though you purposely ignored what she probably meant. 

“He’s been like glaring at you the whole night. He hasn’t moved from there all night and he’s just looking at you.” She pointed out, more quietly now. And you couldn’t help but subtly shift your eyes in his direction. And indeed, your eyes met with his piercing blue ones. You’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t race the slightest bit when you caught him looking at you like that. He was looking at you exactly how you desperately wanted him to look at you in high school. 

“No idea what you mean. He’s probably just annoyed I’m hanging out with Sarah and her boyfriend. He probably thinks I’m encouraging her hanging out with the pogues.” You mumbled into your cup, shrugging as you quickly averted your gaze from Rafe. You weren’t sure if you wanted to convince her, or yourself.

“You’re better than me, because if Rafe Cameron looked at me like that I’d be dragging him to my car so fast.” She snorted and you almost choked on your drink. “I think you’re the only girl on this island he hasn’t fucked.” 

“Thank God for that.” You responded a bit too quickly, hoping to hide the slight bit of hurt her words brought to you. You always knew you weren’t good enough for Rafe. You always pretended not to care, but you’d be lying.

You left alone that night. And Rafe couldn’t hold back the urge to follow close behind you. He didn’t know when he got in his car after you. Or when he started driving to your house. Or when he got out of his car. He wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like he was going to knock on your door. Or maybe he would. He ran a hand over his face, squeezing his eyes shut as he swept his hair away from his face, exasperated. The very small, but still present, rational side of his mind told him to get the fuck out. And he was going to, until he saw you emerge from your room on the second floor, and you stood right in front of the large window cell. He panicked, running to hide from sight, behind a large tree, but he didn’t leave, he didn’t want to. 

His jaw dropped, his eyes blowing wide open at the sight of you, untying your bikini top and just letting it fall, right then and there. The sight shot straight to his cock. What the fuck were you thinking? What if someone saw you? The thought of you exposing yourself like that made his jaw lock, but his now hard cock in his shorts was much more evident. He couldn’t look away. He was pissed he couldn’t see below your stomach, especially when he saw you crouch as you presumably took off your bottoms, too. 

Rafe almost moaned at the thought. 

And just like that you were gone. And you didn’t come back to the window. It almost felt like the universe was playing a cruel fucking prank on him. Now he had to drive home with an uncomfortable hard on in his shorts. That pissed him off even more.

~~~~~~

This became a habit for Rafe. He would aggressively scroll through your instagram page multiple times a day, hoping that he’d find out where you were for the night. But not in a weird way. He just wanted to see you. But he still hadn’t found the way to get you to talk to him first. He was starting to see the flaw in that plan. But alas, he couldn’t talk to you himself if he didn’t know where to find you. And sometimes, he’d find himself just standing outside your window, hiding behind that same tree. Sometimes you’d sit by the window cell, play around with your hair, sometimes you would read. And sometimes, you’d walk around completely naked, in full view of Rafe. How many times he all but sped home to rub one out was actually embarrassing. 

Rafe was tired of this little game. Though he didn’t quite realize it was a game at all. You had no proof, but you knew. That one time you caught him nearly running back to his car was proof enough for you. So you kept going, until he snapped. You didn’t anticipate just how fast he would break. 

“Guess who showed up.” Your friend whispered in your ear. You casually glanced over your shoulder to find none other than Rafe, with Topper and Kelce right behind him like lost puppies. It had to be criminal how hot this man looked. The polo shirt he wore was hanging on by a thread under his biceps and you had to force yourself to tear your eyes away. 

“Yeah, so? He shows up to every party.” You shrugged, pretending not to catch on to the blatant connection. She rolled her eyes at you. 

“Oh, so he casually shows up to the one party you’ve come to all week? Don’t you think it’s a little odd?”

You shrugged again. You were sure it was a coincidence. Sure it wasn’t because you posted a selfie of your pretty makeup and your pretty dress with the location of the party you got invited to. And surely the way Rafe was staring at you right now had nothing to do with the way your dress accentuated your chest perfectly, showing enough but still leaving some to the imagination. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen them before. 

“Nope. Anyway, want a drink?” You smiled at her innocently, completely ignoring her Rafe interrogation. She shot you a pointed look, surely she would grill you about it later, but she relented nonetheless. 

With a smile you skipped over to the bar, your dress riding up ever so slightly as you leaned over the wooden bar to speak over the loud music. Rafe nearly dropped his beer, his eyes going from your hair down to your ass. He couldn’t take this anymore. 

“Yeah, whatever bro. I’ll be right back.” He cut off Topper as he went on about one thing or another, he didn’t wait for a response and he approached you in long strides. He sniffed softly, running a hand through his hair before opening his mouth. 

You heard your name spoken in a deep voice, with a drink in each hand, you whipped around, not expecting to run straight into a solid, muscled chest. 

“Hey—oh fuck,” Rafe cursed when the drinks you were holding spilled all over his shirt, and over the front of your dress. You gasped loudly, nearly squealing when the ice cubes slipped down your chest. 

“Rafe! What the actual fuck.” You almost screamed at him, desperately attempting to wipe off the alcohol soaking your dress, the front now sticking to your tits. Rafe wanted to say something, maybe apologize, but he was mouth agape at the sight of your soaked chest, it took him a minute to process. 

“Shit, my bad. I didn’t mean to,” he swallowed, his own shirt starting to stick to his chest. Which didn’t slip past  you, even in your anger. But you couldn’t think about that right now. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, alright. I’m sure you totally didn’t want to embarrass me by spilling drinks all over me. Grow the fuck up, Rafe.” You huffed, feeling everyone’s eyes on you. You could feel your face fluster with embarrassment and you had to force yourself not to cry. You had tried so hard to remove yourself from the old you, the one everyone made fun of, the one that got asked out to prom as a prank, the one everyone stared at in disgust. And you felt like that girl all over again. 

Rafe didn’t even have time to argue, you were running off before he could get a word in. He groaned, discomfort settling in from his shirt sticking to his skin. 

“Way to go bro. You didn’t have to embarrass the freakshow like that though.” Rafe sneered in disgust at your high school nickname and he rolled his eyes, shrugging off the casual hand on his shoulder. 

“Shut the fuck up before I shove broken glass down your throat.” 

If there was something in this world that Rafe could never have, it would be patience. And this little game had his sanity wearing very thin. 

He didn’t know exactly when he ended up at your front door, fist pounding loudly as he called your name. His bike was somewhere on the lawn, he didn’t bother to hide it this time. He swore if you didn’t open this door right now he would kick it open. He stepped back, his jaw tight as he waited a few seconds before doing something more drastic. Then, the door swung open. And there you were. 

“I swear to God Rafe.” You sighed loudly, crossing your arms over your now slightly damp chest, having somewhat dried off the front of your dress. Rafe was taken aback by the appearance of your glasses, however. He hadn’t seen you wear them since you came back. Were you always this cute in them? 

No, focus. 

“You didn’t even let me talk back there! I didn’t mean to run into you like that, I swear.” He took a step closer, slightly leaning down to talk close to your face. You couldn’t help but stare at him, eyebrows furrowed with mistrust. 

“Oh right, so was it just a coincidence that you were standing right behind me like a wall?” You shot back, shooting him a suspicious look. He rolled his eyes at you, sighing heavily. “If you wanted to look at them better you could’ve just asked! You didn’t have to knock drinks all over my dress.” 

The words left your mouth in a haze. Fast and angrily as you motioned your hands around. You didn’t realize what you said until the look in Rafe’s eyes shifted. Going from confused to downright sinful. He tilted his head at you, crowding your personal space with his big fucking body. You realized then that you really fucked up. 

“What’d you say?” He asked, his voice low as he made you step back into your house. He followed you, his face close to yours and you swallowed. 

“Huh?” Play dumb, sure. 

“Uh-uh, don’t try to be all innocent now. What the fuck did you say?” He repeated, one of his large hands coming up to grip your jaw. You swallowed, your lips pulled into a pout. 

“You really weren’t that sneaky.” You finally admitted, throwing all logic out of the window knowing you both got caught red-handed by the other. Though Rafe didn’t look embarrassed or even remorseful, if anything he looked pleasantly amused. Impressed even. 

“Well, shit.” A grin pulled at his lips as he laughed, a rush of adrenaline flowing through his already amped up body. “You little whore. You were striping in front of your fuckin’ window on purpose, weren’t you?”

“I didn’t know for sure but, I heard your bike a couple of times.” You shrugged, trying to hide the devious smile on your lips. Rafe scoffed humorously, in utter disbelief. “You following me on insta was kind of a given, too.” 

“You are..” He leaned down, his soft lips mere inches away from yours as he blew out a chuckle, “A dirty little slut. You have any fuckin’ idea what you’ve been doin’ to me? Hm?” He squeezed your jaw between his fingers, forcing your head back to make sure your eyes were on him. 

The words that left his mouth made you rub your thighs together, heat forming between them at the thought of being this close to Rafe, knowing he was on the brink of madness, all because of you. You could see it in his eyes, that utter need to fuck you, take you over and over, or else he would go insane. 

“Thought I wasn’t your type.” You shot back, pettiness lacing your tongue. A groan of annoyance rumbled in his chest. 

“I didn’t know I was your type.” 

“You’re everyone’s type, since when are you humble?” You mocked him with a small laugh, but it quickly died in your chest when his fingers fell to your throat, and he dug his fingers with the faintest pressure. You nearly moaned. 

“Well you’re my type right now. Your tits sure fuckin’ are.” He bit his lip softly, making sure his eyes were on yours when he spoke again, “bet your pussy is my type too. Lemme find out, hm?” 

If you weren’t wet before, you sure were now. You nearly moaned out loud, his words alone bending you to his will. Not that it would take much work. 

Rafe didn’t get to say another word, you were pulling him down by the back of his neck and you kissed him, and you kissed him really fucking hard. He liked your intensity. He craved to find out just what else you were hiding behind your innocent and sweet girl facade. He slipped his tongue into your mouth, his fingers lacing into your hair to force your head back for him. And you happily let him. His other hand shamelessly grabbed at your ass, squeezing it as he kissed you. You couldn’t help but moan into his mouth.

“My bedroom is—“ you were breathless as you muttered against his lips. Rafe chuckled, cutting you off as he effortlessly hoisted you around his waist. 

“I know where your fuckin’ room is.” Of course he did. 

You giggled as Rafe tossed you on your bed, biting your bottom lip as you watched him pull his polo over his head and your jaw fell wide open at the sight. 

“Dude why are you like, so hot? Fuck.” Your eyes were big as you nearly drooled at the sight of his muscled torso. He was so ripped it was unbelievable. Rafe smirked at you, happy to hear that you were stroking his ego. He quickly joined you in your bed, straddling you as he hovered over you. 

“Yeah?” He leaned down, lips curved up into a grin as he pressed an open mouth kiss to your lips. You nodded as his tongue laced with yours, a string of spit connecting your lips when he pulled back. “You should've just talked to me then. Could’ve had me much sooner. You got any fuckin’ idea how long I’ve been wanting to fuck you stupid?” 

“How was I supposed to know? You didn’t want me before. I didn’t know.” You pouted, a bit of hurt laced in your voice. He rolled his eyes at you, long fingers coming to squeeze your face. You held your breath as his blue eyes pinned you.

“No, you just wanted to punish me. You wanted to parade yourself around Figure 8 with your pretty little dresses and your innocent little smile. But then at night you’d strip yourself naked in front of your window.” He huffed out the words, frustration coating his tongue. You shrugged. “You wanted to act like a slut, so I’ll fuck you like one. But first, I wanna taste your pussy.” 

The way your body shuddered when Rafe moved down the bed to settle between your legs was embarrassing. You were already shaking and he hadn’t even touched you. You held your breath in anticipation as he reached underneath your dress, tugging your panties down your legs. Rafe grinned at the blue lacy panties that matched your white and navy blue flowy dress. You pretended not to notice him casually shove the lace into his back pocket. 

“Take off your dress. I wanna look at your tits.”  You totally would punch any other man for speaking to you like this, but Rafe? He could speak to you in any way he wanted, especially when he was in between your legs, nearly drooling at the sight of your already soaked cunt. 

You complied, unzipping the side of your dress before pulling it over your head, to reveal that you were indeed not wearing a bra today. Rafe nearly groaned at the sight. 

“Fuck baby. You’re such a slut, did you plan this?” He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. You opened your mouth to respond, but the words were replaced by a gasp when he dipped his head and licked a stripe between your folds without a single warning. 

It was actually embarrassing how quickly you were falling apart. You were a sobbing shaking mess as soon as he started to circle his tongue around your clit, sloppy sounds leaving his mouth as he moved his head up and down. Rafe was enjoying this as much as you were, how many times he fantasized about shoving his tongue into your cunt, what you would taste like, how you would sound like for him. It was driving him insane. He was groaning and moaning as he lapped at your soaking cunt. 

“You taste so fuckin’ good baby. You got any idea how many times I went home to rub one out thinkin’ about your pussy?” He groaned, spitting on your clit as he looked up at you, catching the way your back arched off the bed as your eyes rolled back into your head. “Should’ve just taken you. You would’ve let me, right doll? If I slipped in through your window and fucked this sweet little pussy in the middle of the night, wouldn’t even care as long as you got some dick, right?” 

His words slipped past you, only the feeling of his tongue back on your clit. You couldn’t think straight, your pussy was pulsing, it just felt so good, you didn’t remember the last time a man ate you like this, with such intensity and fervor. Rafe looked up at you again, amused by the way you squirmed and writhed on the bed. With a grin, he wrapped both arms under your knees and folded them damn near against your chest, spreading you open for him. And you couldn’t run away either. 

“I asked you a question.” He spat into your clit again, this time watching as the string of saliva ran down your clit before licking it. 

“Ah! Rafe! Fuck—y-yes! You can do whatever you want to me!” You sputtered, your voice breaking into a cry when he slipped his tongue into your hole. His nose bumped your clit as he fucked you with his tongue and you were nearly digging your nails into his scalp as you clutched his hair. You wanted to come so bad. “Please Rafe. I’m gonna come.” 

Rafe groaned into your pussy at your words. His tongue was replaced by two thick fingers and he curled them perfectly, enough to have you thanking the Gods for having your own house separate from your parents' main house. 

“Oh, fuck yeah. You look so pretty begging me to let you come. Say it again, say it again just like that f’me.” His eyes never left you as his tongue was back on your clit, his fingers slipping and curling inside your throbbing cunt in the most delicious way possible. You couldn’t even form a thought, let alone a sentence. You sobbed, your pussy pulsing around his thick fingers. 

“Please Rafe! Wanna come!” You didn’t have to say it twice, the second Rafe hummed at you, his tongue lapping at your swollen clit as his fingers fucked you raw, you were over. You were a shaking mess as you came, all you could do was gasp and cry as his fingers fucked you through your orgasm, and he happily continued to basically make out with your cunt.

“That was so fuckin’ good baby. You were so good f’me.” He grunted into your thigh as he lazily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

Your eyes were screwed shut, heaving as you were still jolting from the aftershock. When you opened your eyes again you found Rafe already hovering above you, his blue eyes staring down at you with devious intentions. 

“You totally look so fuckin’ hot with those glasses. You should like suck my dick with them on.” You blinked at him, mouth slightly open which made him grin at you. “Not right now, I wanna be inside you now.” 

Rafe didn’t waste any fucking time in pressing your knees to your chest, your glistening pussy on full display and ready for his cock.

“I’m gonna fuck this pussy like I fuckin’ own it.” He spat, his jaw slightly falling open as he slipped into you. Your eyes rolled back almost instantly, the feeling of his cock stretching you was better than you could have ever imagined. He was so fucking big, too. “All these fuckin’ assholes lookin’ at you and I’m the only one that gets to fill this pussy, you got that?” 

You nodded harshly as he bottomed out, and without a warning he pulled out only to slam back into you, his cock damn near splitting you open. You threw your arms around his neck, your fingers lacing around his hair as he slammed into you, filling you deeper than anyone ever has before. 

“Just you Rafe! It’s always been you!” You grabbed his face, pulling him into a messy kiss. Your words made his cock twitch and all he wanted right then and there was to keep you here, beneath him, stuffed with his cock and never let you leave. 

“Why didn’t you come back sooner, huh? This pussy is so perfect, so tight. Just f’me. Want you all the fuckin’ time baby.” He grunted into your mouth, both arms caging you in as he drilled into you, his cock so deep you could almost feel him in your fucking guts. 

A string of pathetic sounds, a string of uh-uh-uh’s left your lips as he damn near folded you in half, your cute nails dragging down his back, surely to leave red angry marks. Rafe grunted in delight, his large hand coming to grab your throat. He definitely didn’t miss the way you pussy clenched around him then. 

“Shit, you’re so fucking hot, yknow that? Such a pretty little slut f’me. You’re gonna let me use you, hm? Do whatever I want with you?” He squeezed your throat, forcing your head up and down in a ‘yes’ gesture and you moaned, eyes screwed shut. “Mhmm, exactly. Open your fuckin’ mouth.” 

The sound that left your throat was so pathetic Rafe laughed. You did as you were told, opening your eyes as you opened your mouth, you watched him with glazed eyes as he leaned down and spat straight into your mouth. He watched you jaw slacked as you happily swallowed, feeling the bump under his fingers. 

“You’re so fuckin’ nasty, I love it.” He leaned down again, his fingers tightening around your throat as he spat into your mouth again, but this time he kissed you, it was so messy and sloppy and you fucking loved it. “Act like a slut, I’ll treat you like a slut.” 

“Mhmm yes! I’m such a slut, just for you.” You choked out, your throat raw and sore from the grip he had on it. He shuddered at your words, his cock twitching as he dropped his free hand to rub harsh circles around your clit. Your eyes rolled so far back you actually looked like you were spasming. “O-oh god. I’m gonna come—! Please Rafe—!” 

“Ohh, feels so good, doesn’t it baby? You wanna gush all over my dick huh?” He spoke right into your cheek, his sweaty cheek pressed right against yours as he held you by your throat, your glasses getting squished by him and you were praying to the Gods that he didn’t end up breaking them. 

“Please, please, please Rafe!” You sobbed, your soaked cunt pulsing around his cock, your thighs sore and shaking as you hanged on by a thread, so close to reaching your limit. 

“That’s it doll, squeeze the fuck out of me, come all over my cock, just like that.” He rubbed your clit and drilled into your already abused hole until you were gushing, you whole body shaking as you fell into a fit of sobs. Rafe wasn’t one to come just like that, but the sight of you so utterly fucked out and sobbing almost made him spill right then and there. 

“Ah! Rafe!” You whined as he kept fucking you, his rough hips and harsh pace not once slowing down, driving you to the point of overstimulation. You squirmed, almost as if you wanted to run away from him. He tisked at you, releasing your throat to grab your arm, holding you down as he gripped the headboard with the other, damn near crushing you with his big fucking body. 

“Oh, where the fuck are you going, huh? Who said you could run away? Nah, you wanted it, so now you take it like a good girl.” He reveled in the way you took his cock, jaw agape, eyes screwed shut and forehead screwed into a frown of pleasure. 

You were practically done for when he carelessly shoved your face to the side, damn near knocking your glasses off your face. His lips sucked marks on your neck as your pussy convulsed around his cock for the second time. Your head was spinning so hard and your vision was so blurry, you didn’t even know what planet you were on.

“Hmph! Rafe!” You yelped but he cut you off, a particularly sharp thrust making you slide up the mattress. 

“Shut up. I’m gonna fill you. Gonna ruin every other man for you.” He spat, his voice raspy and his hair falling in front of his eyes as he chased his high. 

“Please Rafe, give it to me. Want it so bad!” Well that fucking did it. A moan rumbled in Rafe’s throat as he spilled himself inside you. His eyes were screwed shut and his mouth hung wide open. He snapped his hips, one, two more times before he sat still with a long breath. 

You laid speechless, blinking softly as you tried to slow your racing heart, and process that this actually happened. Sixteen year-old you would totally freak out. Rafe Cameron just fucked the life out of you. Rafe was looking down at you with a pussy-drunk look, his eyes slightly closed and his lips were parted. Not that you could see him that well. Your glasses were so smudged and foggy all you could see was blurry shapes. 

“I just fucked you dumb and you’re making that face?” Rafe narrowed his eyes at you as leaned on his forearms, holding up his weight as your legs fell to either side of him. You frowned at him, confused. 

“What face?”

“You’re pouting and shit.” He smirked, squeezing your face between his fingers and you shot him a pointed look, groaning. 

“I forgot to take off my glasses. They’re all dirty now. Can’t see shit.” You rolled your eyes, pulling your face away from his grip as you took your glasses off and tossed them on your nightstand. 

“Well you looked cute and shit so. You’re fine.” He pressed a kiss to your pouty lips before laying down beside you, the feeling of your mixed release making you hiss softly. 

Rafe lied with an arm behind his head and he couldn’t help but grin when he caught you looking at him with your lip pulled between your teeth. He nudged you over with his head and you happily settled underneath his arm with your head resting on his chest. You didn’t take him for a cuddling type but you’d happily take this.

You sighed heavily, just wanting to rest your sore muscles for a bit when you heard him speak again. 

“So are you gonna follow me back on insta now or what?” 

[yamumsyadadd]

the shadow of alexia

At 4 years old my entire life changed. One day my dad was at home and the next he wasn’t. Things changed after that. Everyone was sad, lots of people visited too. Sometimes I got new toys when they came over. 

Alba was a scary teenager but Alexia. Alexia was my best friend and I was hers. She would take me to kindergarten and pick me up, she never missed a soccer game or ballet recital, she was always there. So was her special friend Jenni. Jenni was great, when I was little she used to let me colour in her tattoos, Everytime she got a new one, she’s get me new pens to colour on her. 

As time went on, Alba and Alexia started moving out. Alexia moved in with Jenni and started getting busy with football, Alba still lived with Mami but was busy with her friends and modelling. Mami did the best she could. She was getting older and more tired, she didn’t miss a game or my last ballet recital, she didn’t miss the disappointment in my eyes when Alexia or Alba didn’t turn up. They were busy, I understand. 

It went from seeing them a couple times a week, to once a week, to once a month. I learnt pretty quickly the only way to get Alexia’s attention was to either play football or to fuck up. Lucky for me I was good at both. School was boring, it was too easy, I understood it all faster than anyone else. The first time I skipped school, I was 14. No one noticed and no one cared. From there on out it became a routine. At least once a week I’d skip school and hang out with the others. 

I personally never did anything too rowdy, just tagged along to enjoy the vibes. The first time I got caught skipping school was by Virginia. She promised me she wouldn’t tell Alexia or Mami and she kept that promise. The next time was by Alba, she lost her shit. Yelling at me about how irresponsible I was being and how much trouble I would get in. The second last time I got caught was by Jenni, I hadn’t seen her in a while, I was mad at her because of that so when she tried to give me a lecture I yelled at her.

“Y/n, you can’t be doing this shit. If Alexia found out she would lose it at you! What would happen if the police got you? What would you do then?”

“Why do you care Jenni? Huh? You left, you haven’t been around. You fucked off to Paris and didn’t even say goodbye. Tell Alexia, I don’t care, at least then she would talk to me.”

“Y/n, did Ale not talk to you about this?” Her voice was incredibly soft. That was something I missed about her, the way she spoke, the softness that was hidden from most people. 

“She doesn’t talk to me at all. She doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“Bebeita, we broke up. Thats why I left. we ended things and to be able to heal I had to leave. I am so sorry, she promised she would talk to you about it. I wanted to say goodbye to you myself but Alexia said it would be a bad idea.”

From there things spiralled. I didn’t want to talk to Alexia, I didn’t want to see her. I stopped going to her games with Mami, I would sneak out when I knew she was coming over. No longer did I look up to her, I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. 

The day I quit football, I felt free. No longer having to play to get my oldest sisters attention, I didn’t care for that anymore. I had more time to hang out with my friends, to be a normal fucking teenager. 

It took a week, it was quicker then I thought to be honest, but once Alexia found out, all hell broke loose. 

“Where the hell is she!” Alexia stormed through the house. Surprising Eli. 

“Who Alexia?” 

“The Idiota. Your mija?” Alexia huffed. Eli was surprised by the way Alexia was acting. 

“In her room with her friend.”  Before Eli could say anything else, Alexia was off. Swinging open the door and disturbing the peace between you and your girlfriend.

“You, get out.” 

“No Alexia. You don’t get to tell her to get out.” I got defensive fast. There’s no way she gets to come here and tell her she needs to leave. 

“GET OUT NOW!” Alexia’s ‘captain’ voice was something that always got people moving. 

“You don’t get to come here and act like you run the place. News flash alexia, you don’t fucking live here!” 

“¡Dios mío! What is happening! Why did Isabella leave crying?” Mami looked pissed. More so at alexia than me. 

“Alexia kicked her out. For no reason other than the fact that no one else is allowed to be happy but her.” 

“Tell her what you did!” When I was younger, the look she was giving me would’ve scared me, but now it did nothing. 

“I didn’t do anything alexia. Whatever your minions are telling you isn’t true. But hey, you wouldn’t listen to me anyway.” I tried to push past her, but she grabbed my wrist stopping me from moving. 

“Mami she quit football. She fucking quit. After everything I’ve done for her she throws it back in my face!” Rolling her eyes and scoffing at me. 

“Let her go now. I am aware she quit Alexia. She was only doing it for you.” Mami was mad, very mad. Alexia had come and disturbed the peace, making Isabella cry and screaming the house down. 

“Grab me like that again I’ll drop you on your ass. I don’t give a fuck that you are la Reina.” The words came out like venom. 

Everything is always about Alexia. I joined football to get close to her, I didn’t mean to get as far as I did, I honestly didn’t think I’d get past the academy. Being called up into the Barca B squad was cool. I enjoy the fitness side of it but genuinely couldn’t care less about actually playing. 

The same day I quit, was the same day I got called up for the senior team. It sent me into a bit of a spiral. Mapi found me in the corner of the physios room with my sketchbook, crying. 

“Oh nena! What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Ale?” 

“No! Not ale! Don’t tell her please!”

“Okay no Ale but can you tell me what’s got you so worked up?” 

“I got asked to join the senior team and I don’t want to. I only started playing so Alexia would be nice to me and talk to me. I don’t even like this stupid game! I just want to draw but that’ll never be good enough for her.”  

After that, Mapi and I would get coffee in the mornings, I would show her my new drawings and tell her my ideas. She paid me to draw a photo of her and Ingrid. I knew she could draw herself but it was nice to have her in my corner.  Mapi was talking more about to me Alexia, saying how good my drawings were and how much happier I seemed not having to play, she seemed to miss the confusion written all over Alexia’s face. 

 •———————————————————————•

Mami had a trip coming up, I knew about this, but what I didn’t know what she was going to make me stay with alexia. Isabella and I came home after the movies to find Mami, Alexia, Alba and some other chick sitting at the table. I mumbled a quick hello before trying to drag Isabella upstairs. 

“Don’t be so rude. Actually say hello.” Alexia spoke angrily. 

Scoffing I turned around “bite me Alexia.” 

“¡Dios mío! Isabella Mi vida, it’s time for you to go home. You can wait upstairs for your Mami.” 

“Mami no. That’s not fair. She doesn’t get to come in here and start bossing everyone around!” 

“It’s okay amor, I should go home anyway. We have that biology exam anyway.” 

“Now that your little friend is gone, sit down.” 

“No.” 

“SIT DOWN.” 

“Ale, Cálmate.” The mysterious brunette says as she places her arm on alexia’s. 

Fuck all this shit honestly. Turning as fast as I could I ran upstairs, knowing Alexia would follow quickly. I was right. I was barely able to push my dresser against the door before she tried to open it. I was not going to sit at that table and play happy families. 

After an hour of listening to Alexia curse, she finally gave up. It was peaceful until Alba climbed through my bedroom window. 

“Still got it.” 

“Alba what the hell!” 

“Hermana, I don’t know what happened between you and Ale, but if it’s the same thing that happened between me and you then you need to talk to her. She’s worried about you and scared. She doesn’t want to lose you.” 

“She only cares now that she thinks her precious imagine is going to get hurt.” 

“If you talk to her now, while Olga is here, it’ll be easier. She calms Alexia down and makes her think more rationally.” 

“Who the fuck is Olga?” Was that the mysterious brunette in the dining room?

“What do you mean? She’s alexia’s girlfriend? You’ve met her before?” 

“No I haven’t. I didn’t know she had a girlfriend.” 

“Yes you met her a dinner a few months ago? She comes to Ales games and on Fridays when we have dinner!”

“I wasn’t invited to that dinner, I don’t go to Alexia’s games and I certainly don’t go to Friday dinners!” The angry tears started. Alexia was my hero, my bestfriend, the person I wanted to be and now I’ve been pushed aside. I know nothing about her and she equally knows nothing about me. 

Alba pulled me in tight, letting me cry on her. It was weird doing it with her, she used to be the reason I cried and not the one to comfort me. But here we are, things change I guess. 

“Mami really needs to talk with you so we need to go downstairs.” Begrudgingly I let alba pull me down the stairs. It was obvious to everyone that I had been crying, mami’s face softening when she saw me, Alexia’s face frowning in confusion. 

“You wanted to talk so please do it quickly. I want to go to bed.” I tried to speak as respectfully as I could to Mami, it wasn’t her fault. 

“Mija, I’ll be away for a month, you know this si?” I nodded my head before she continued, “you’re too young to stay here for a month alone so you’re going to stay with Alexia and Olga. You can still see your friends and will go to school, but they will look after you.” 

“Mami no! I can look after myself!” 

“You’re 16 chica. You’re not an adult like you think you are.” Alexia scoffed from the other side of the table. 

“So what? You’re shipping me off to stay with Alexia, who won’t even been there half the time and a stranger? That’s safer? Some person that I’ve never met and sure as shit don’t trust!” 

“Stop being such a Perra! You have met Olga, plenty of times! She comes to all the games she can, and to dinners all the time.” 

“Ale stop” Alba knew what was coming and tried to stop it but it was too late. 

“Dios mío, your head is so far up your own arse isn’t it? I haven’t been to a single game in over 8 months, I don’t get invited to you stupid little Friday night dinners and I have never met your girlfriend! Up until an hour ago I didn’t even know you had a fucking girlfriend Alexia. Everything is always about you. You and your stupid football or your stupid knee. I bet you right now you couldn’t tell me anything about what I’ve done in the last year, can you?” 

“I know you quit football because you’re being a brat.” 

Her answer honestly made me chuckle “Okay Alexia, anything else?” 

Silence. She couldn’t tell you a single thing. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought. You know nothing about me and that’s how it’s going to stay. I dont trust you, I don’t like you and I sure as shit don’t love you. You’re not my Hermana.” With hot tears falling down my face, I stormed back upstairs. I text Isabella asking if I could stay over and once she replied with a yes, I was gone. Out the window like Alba had come in an hour earlier. I texted Mami to let her know, I wasn’t that horrible to make her worry. 

“Mami, you can’t let her talk to people like that! She’s incredibly disrespectful!” 

Alba rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Are you serious? That girl used to hang off you. She looked up to you. It was always you alexia and now she wants nothing to do with you. You don’t invite her places, you don’t care about her. I noticed ages ago she was pulling away and I fixed it. Did you know she has a girlfriend? Or that she’s taking senior classes because she’s the smartest there? Or the fact that people are paying her to make them art or buying the pieces she already has. She quit football because she hates it. She hates it because of you. You ruined it for her. Mami, I will stay here with her while you’re gone. It’ll be better that way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop her off at Isabella’s.” 

“No! It’s a school night! She cannot be going out!” It seems everything that was just said to Alexia, went in one ear and out the other. 

“Alexia stop it now. She is allowed to stay at her girlfriend’s house, she has an exam at 1pm. Maybe you need to listen to what people are saying to you. I am going to bed, I suggest you all do the same, at your own houses.” 

“Why does no one listen to me!” Alexia was annoyed, overwhelmed and tired. It had drained a lot of her energy being here tonight. 

“Ale, I’m going to say this one time, you need to listen to what everyone has told you tonight, really listen, because you aren’t. You need to fix things with her but you need to sort your shit out first.” Olga had stayed silent most of the night, listening to everything that was said knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t. You were right, you had never met each other. What Olga didn’t realise was that it was Alexia’s fault, not yours. She put it down to being a moody teenager who was too cool to hang out with her sisters, oh how wrong she was. 

•———————————————————————•

Two days before Mami was meant to go away, Alba rang saying she couldn’t stay over. She had gotten a modelling gig in Madrid and needed to go, that left Alexia and Olga. It would be the longest month of my life. Mami promised nothing would change just because I was staying here, she was wrong. Alexia was a bitch. 

The first few days were fine, alexia would drop me off at school and I’d make my way home after, I generally spend it was Isabella because Alexia wouldn’t let her come over. We go into the city centre, get coffee and do our homework then catch the bus home. We did this even when Mami was here so it wasn’t anything new but when Alexia found out she hit the roof. 

“You cannot be going into the city by yourself! Are you thick in the head?” 

“Jesus Christ alexia! I’m not alone. Isabella is with me. Mami lets me do it so I’m going to keep doing it.” 

“Is Isabella the reason you’re skipping school too?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I scoffed, storming off the guest bedroom and slamming the door so hard it made Olga jump. 

By the third day of me being there, Alexia had turned up to pick me up herself. I tried to completely ignore her but Isabella had other ideas. 

“Your sister is death staring me right now.” 

“No amor, not you but me. Oh fuck here we go, she’s coming over here.” 

“Get in the car y/n.”

“No. I told you yesterday that I’m allowed to do this. You’re not the boss of me.” 

“Bebeita, it’s fine. I’ve got chores to do for papa anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek and then walked away, leaving me no choice but to get in Alexia’s car. 

The car ride was hell. Alexia was pissed, her hands constantly gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckle turned white. Neither of us spoke. To be honest, I didn’t know where we were going until we turned up at the training ground. 

“Why are we here?” 

“We have training. Get out.” 

“No alexia. I quit. What part of that don’t you understand.” 

“Get out now, or I will drag you out.” 

Knowing she would literally drag me out, I had to wait it out. She’d turn her back eventually and I could leg it. I’m faster than her and more willing to jump fences. 

The time came sooner than I thought, after entering the change rooms, she threw a set of clothes into my chest and walked off to the bathrooms. This was my chance and I wasn’t going to waste it. 

Throwing the clothes into her cubby, I legged it out the door. Running past Mapi, Ingrid and Ona who all had confused looked on their faces. As soon as I got out, I kept running, knowing i had to get a head start. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, I knew I couldn’t go back to Alexia’s, Olga would be there. I couldn’t go home because that’s the first place she’d go, I couldn’t go to Albas because she drag me back by my ear. There was only one place to go. 

Can Cuyás Golf Culb was the best place to hide. Sure someone might see me, but it’s easy enough to pretend to be lost. 

The first thing Alexia noticed when she came out was the lack of you. Then the clothes she had given you, thrown back into her cubby. 

“Have you seen y/n?” She asked as she turned to the girls in the locker room. 

“She ran past us like 5 minutes ago?” Ona spoke up. 

“Did she say anything?” 

“No she was in a bit of a hurry Ale.” Mapi rolled her eyes at her best friend. 

“Fuck sake.” Alexia exited the locker room, walking through the facility to try and find you. Slight panic kicked in when she wasn’t able too. Deciding to call Alba first, knowing you’d been closer to her the past few months. 

“Hola Ale, to what do I owe this pleasure?” The sarcasm dripping from her voice. 

“Have you seen y/n?” 

“No why? What happened?” Panic arising in Alba. 

“I picked her up from school and bought her to training. Gave her clothes to change into and I went to the toilet and came back and she was gone. She fucking ran off.” 

“Why the hell would you try and make her train Alexia! She quit. She doesn’t want to play anymore!” Alba quickly became anger with the oldest Putellas. 

“She is too good to throw it all away! She’s being a stupid child about all of this!” Quickly becoming defensive, not enjoying the way Alba is talking to her. 

“You’re unbelievable. I haven’t seen her, I will try and find her. Don’t you worry, put your football above her like you always do.” 

“Alba-“ she hung up before alexia could get another word in. There was one person left that Alexia had to call. 

“Hola amor, why aren’t you training?” Olga’s sweet voice sounded through the phone. 

“I’ve lost y/n. Can you please let me know if she comes home and if she does then don’t let her out of your sight.” 

“What do you mean you’ve lost her Ale?” 

“I bought her to training and she ran away while I was in the bathroom.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alexia already knew by the silence on the other end that Olga was trying to not yell at her. 

“Alexia-“

“No I know okay. I already got an ear full from Alba. I have to go but I’ll call you later okay. I love you.” Slowly it started to creep in the fact that she had fucked up and caused you to run away. Training dragged on for Alexia, hoping that you had been found or made contact with Alba or even Olga. 

Meanwhile, after hiding at the golf course for an hour, i decided to head to Isabella’s house. Knocking on the door, Isabella answered, still buttoning up her shirt. Eyes wide when she realised I was at her door. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” She closed the door slightly, so I could no longer see into the loungeroom. 

“I ran away from Alexia. I was hoping we could hang out like normal?” 

“Now’s not really a good time. I have someone here.” Isabella spoke quietly, not wanting to allude to the fact that the person inside wasn’t just a friend. 

“Baby come back, we weren’t finished.” A guys voice yelled out. 

“It’s not what you think y/n!” 

“I think that guy wants your attention. I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re half dressed. Enjoy your time with him, we are done.” Tears welling in my eyes. 

“I’m sorry y/n!” 

“Go fuck your self Isabella.” sadness turned into anger real quick. 

Isabella was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, the first person I had sex with and she goes and fucks a guy? While we are together? This is literally the last thing I wanted to deal with. 

Unsure on what to do, or who to call I found my way to the beach. My throat and eyes hurt from crying so much. The pain in my chest was getting worse. Pulling out my phone, ignoring all the messages and calls, I rang the one person who would calm me. 

“Hey Calabaza? What’s up?” Jenni’s voice rang through my ears. Unable to form a coherent sentence, only sobs coming out of my mouth. 

“Hold on Bebé” I could hear her moving around, the voices of her teammates getting quieter, “talk to me. What happened?”

“I ran away. I ran away from Alexia and I went to Isabella’s house and she-she was cheating on me. With a guy. A fucking dude. She broke my heart Jenni. It hurts so much.” 

“Oh babé. Where is Ale now? Where are you?” 

“I don’t know. She’s probably at training. I’m at the beach where Papa used to take us. She’s going to be so mad at me.”

“Can you tell me why you ran away from her?” The way Jenni spoke so sweetly was something I missed dearly. 

“She got me from school and took me to the training grounds. She was trying to make me train but when she went to the bathroom I ran away. I don’t want to train, I don’t want to play. I hate the game and I hate her. She doesn’t listen or care about me!” I could feel myself getting upset again. 

“Okay okay, just breathe. You’re okay. I’m not going to tell her where you are but I need to tell someone. Albs has messaged me and so has Olga. You can pick who I tell.” 

Pondering the options, Alba would tell Alexia but she’d also be just as angry and upset. Olga would tell Alexia but she’d be calmer and softer, that was what I needed at this moment. 

“Olga. But tell her not to bring Alexia.” 

“Okay bebé.” After a few moments she spoke up again, “she’s on the way. She promised no Alexia. Do you want to stay on the line with me until she comes?” 

“Yes please. Can you tell me about Mexico?” Sniffling and wiping my face, I got up, walking towards the road to wait for Olga. After 25 minutes, Olga pulled up. A sad smile and worry on her face, she put an arm around me. 

“Is Olga there now?” Jenni asked. 

“Yeah she is. Uh thanks Jenni. Sorry for disturbing you.” Embarrassed about haven taken her time. 

“No bebé, you don’t need to thank me or apologise. We are hermanas no matter what okay. You call me tomorrow when you’re feeling better. I love you.” with that she hung up. Reality slowing sinking it. 

“Let’s get you home yeah? Are you hungry?” Olga smiled sadly at me. 

“No thanks. Just tired.” I mumbled out. 

The drive back to Alexia’s was quiet. When we pulled up, Alexia’s car wasn’t there, meaning she wasn’t home. That was good. Very good. 

“She’s at Albas house. I told her you had messaged me but that I didn’t know where you were yet. It’s a small lie, but I’m sure it’s worth it.” 

“Alexia hates lying.” I said lowly. Thinking back to all those times as a small girl that she yelled at me for lying. 

“I know Pequeño. Do you want to tell me what happened today?” 

“Everyday Isabella and I go into the city and have coffee and do our homework, but today Alexia came to school and got me. She drove us to the training grounds and said I had to train. But I-i quit. I don’t want to play anymore, I don’t enjoy it and only did it for Alexia but it was never enough. Nothing I do is ever enough for her.” Olga grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze for me to continue. 

“I went to Isabella’s house and she had someone there. A guy, a guy that she was fucking. She was cheating on me for god knows how long. I thought everything was good with us. She was my first girlfriend and my first kiss. I lost my fucking virginity to her and she goes and fucks someone else? It just hurts. So much. Everything is hurting so much.” 

“Oh pequeño. Come here.” Olga held me tight, my tears slowly soaking her shirt. 

“Why doesn’t she love me like she loves Alba? I don’t understand.” 

“Alexia?”

“Mhm. Nothing I do is good enough. I just want her to care about me more. Why can’t she?” It broke Olga’s heart hearing me say that. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew Alexia needed to fix it and fast. 

After slowly showering, I thanked Olga and excused myself to bed. I didn’t think I had any tears left to cry but after crying for a while, I managed to pass out. 

 •———————————————————————•

After you went to your room, Olga texted Alexia, telling her she was here and safe. Alba and Alexia both rushed back to her home. Angry and worried at you, ready to both give you an ear full. 

“Where is she Olga?” Alexia came in loudly. 

“Keep your voice down. Both of you.” Olga was very firm. 

“No she’s in trouble. She doesn’t get off lightly, we have been so worried about her.” Alexia sooke back angrily, usually she’d listen to her girlfriend but this had sent her into a rage. 

“Really Ale? You’ve been worried? So worried you couldn’t train right? That you spent all night calling her friends or going to her favourite spots to try and find her?” Olga had had enough. 

“Amor that’s not fair.” 

“No you know what’s not fair? The fact that neither of you have been listening to her. She doesn’t want to play, she did it for you Ale. She wanted to make you proud of her. She hated playing but you wouldn’t know that. She loves to draw, and she’s really really good at it. She showed me all her work.” 

Olga walked to the couch, extremely disappointed with the two women standing in front of her. 

“Her girlfriend cheated on her. She found out this afternoon. She rang Jenni and Jenni messaged me. That’s how I found her. She was at the beach, heartbroken. Then when we got home, she asked why you didn’t love her Ale. She thinks you don’t care about her. That girl may have broke her heart tonight, but you broke her heart first Alexia. You’ll need to live with the fact that you were her first heartbreak.” Olga was exhausted. Neither Alexia Or Alba said anything. Both sitting in opposite ends of the lounge room, tears silently falling. 

Olga excused herself to bed, leaving the older two in the lounge room to mull on their thoughts. She promised herself after your heartbreaking confession that she would have your back through this. Whatever tomorrow held, you would face it together. 

[theereina]

Big Mama | You're Supposed To Know

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC

Wordcount: +2K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut (alluding to sexual situations), heavily dialogue-centered, angst, verbal argument

Synopsis: When an argument between Terry and Havana sends them into a spiral, love is the last thing on their minds. Terry’s inability to see the situation through Havana’s POV becomes the single catalyst for a bomb that's ready to self-destruct.

Now, Terry must come to terms with the fact that this may be the end, and it’s all his fault. In a moment of desperation, Terry returns home and seeks advice from his parents. His parents give him raw and unfiltered guidance that shakes Terry to his core.

“Will Terry’s indiscretions ruin everything he and ‘Vana have built, and is forgiveness even an option?”

Big Mama Pt. 1 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 2 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 3 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 4 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 5 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 6 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 7 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 8 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 9 => 🦋

*Masterlist: 🔥🔥🔥

“’Vana, don't you walk away from me!” Terry yelled behind me as I stormed out of the bedroom.

“No, fuck this! I'm going home! You’re acting like I'm the problem!” I yelled back. I continued to walk into the living room without slowing my pace.

I was on fire. My mind was going 100 miles a minute, and nothing was going to calm me down. I didn't want to talk anymore. Terry's lack of understanding could only be tolerated for so long. He was letting his pride get in the way.

“Come here!” Terry said, grabbing my arm.

“Let me fuckin' go! I'm not doin' this anymore. I'm sick of explainin’ myself!” I yelled as I snatched my arm from Terry.

“Aight, ‘Vana. Calm yo’ ass down. We've been at this all day, and I'm tired. What the hell are you still mad for?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

What was I still mad for? Terry couldn't be this dumb or naïve.

“What am I still mad for? What kinda dumbass question is that? You don't see what you did wrong?” I asked, stepping closer to him.

“Watch it! You gettin’ beside yourself, mama. Keep it civil,” Terry said, eyeing me. His chest rose and fell rapidly.

Anger was the only emotion present in the room as hues of red dominated our auras. Red was all we had the capacity to see at this point. Our eyes veiled in our pursuit of blood. Lacking empathy and compassion in every word we spewed out of spite. There were no white flags in our future.

We were no longer seeking a resolution, instead, we were now struggling to declare a winner. Who was right? Who was wrong? Who did this? Who did that?

Ears were no longer listening as we were too focused on responding. Quick, sharp tongues leave no room for gentleness. Battling it out like two wordsmiths who hate each other, finding value in inflicting pain with the same lips we used to express the deepest depths of love.

Unknowingly, we both wanted it to stop, but that meant someone had to lose. Unfortunately, I was stubborn, and so was he. Neither set of lips yielded long enough for a reprieve. This was nothing more than a senseless act of immaturity. Both of us were unaware of just how fierce and passionate the other could be when we felt unheard or misunderstood.

“Civil? Keep it civil?! You can't be that dumb, Terry? You don't see nothin' wrong with what you did… Better yet, what you didn't do?” I asked, poking him in the chest.

“Don't do that!” Terry said as he lightly grabbed my hand. “Just stop it, ‘Vana! Use your fuckin' words and talk!” he said, putting my hand by my side.

“Don't fuckin' touch me! You obviously don't care! I've talked all damn day. I've used my words. I've cried. I've… I've… I'm done!” I said, turning on my heels.

“What did I just say?! Stop walkin’ away and talk!” he yelled again.

My movements stopped. I was beyond exhausted. We had repeated the same conversation over and over. Each time getting an even worse result. This fight would not end tonight or maybe ever.

With a heavy heart, I decided for both of us.

At this moment, I would rather walk away than continue to fight. Even if I felt like I was right, we were too far gone. There was probably no coming back from this. Trust was gone. Communication was broken. Feelings were hurt. Lines were crossed. Too much was said, and too much was left uncertain. My heart was damaged. Maybe, I wasn't built for this.

“I'm not repeating myself again! If you think you're right, fine. Fuck it. I don't care anymore. There's nothing more for me to say when you're supposed to know…. Hell… How don't you know?” I said, opening the front door.

I walked out the door, half expecting Terry to stop me. When he didn't follow me, it only reinforced my decision.

After all of that, I was forfeiting this battle.

I conceded. He won.

“Son, tell me what happened?” Rochelle, Terry's mother asked earnestly. She leaned over and kissed Terry's head, hoping to comfort him.

One thing Ms. Rochelle didn't play about was her baby boy Terry. She had yet to meet Havana, so this was a bit of a problem, considering her baby had shown up teary-eyed and distraught over a girl she had never met.

“She found out about what happened between me and Taylor. I was gonna tell her at first, but then I didn't see the need to. It ended right there. It ain't like I kept communicatin’ with her,” Terry said, leaning back in his seat on the couch.

“What you mean by that? What happened wit’ you and Taylor? Mae Ann told me Taylor said she saw you a few days ago. Is that it, or is there more to this story?” Rochelle said, rubbing Terry's back.

“I mean… yes and no,” Terry shrugged.

“Son, spit it out,” she said, rolling her eyes. She could see straight through Terry. He was trying his hardest to repress his feelings, but Rochelle knew Terry was at war inside his head. What she didn't know was that Terry’s internal monologue was growing more chaotic by the second.

“I met up with Taylor after she texted me. She asked me to go with her to Eli’s grave. I mean, we were together when he died. So, I felt like maybe she just needed a friend. So I went—,” Terry said.

“Terrence Richmond! I'm starting to see why this woman was pissed off. You met up with your ex, and didn't think to tell her that? Even if nothing happened, that leaves way too much up for interpretation. Use your brain, baby!” Rochelle said, crossing her arms.

“Well, I didn't want her to get mad at me or get the wrong idea,” Terry said, sinking into the couch.

“And how did that work out, huh?” she said, leaning up to grab Terry's face and forcing him to look at her. “Look at me,” she continued.

“I just thought it would be best if she didn't know. I know ‘Vana. She woulda tried to kill Taylor. Hell, she'd probably woulda tried to kill me, too!” Terry exclaimed. Pausing to gather his thoughts, Terry tried to figure out the best way to tell his mother the rest of the story. “To be honest, Mama, that ain't even the worst part. Taylor kissed me, and… uh… tried to… uh… touch… y’know,” Terry said, nodding towards his groin.

“Unh unh! Terrence, did you at least stop the girl?” she asked loudly. The more her son talked the more she understood Havana’s sentiment. She would wring his father's neck if he didn't tell her about something like this.

“Yes, of course I did. We were in my truck which made it worse. I pushed her off and held her back as best I could, but I was driving. Plus, she kept tryin', so I dropped her off at Julie's. I promise, Mama. Nothing happened. I just honestly didn't know what to do after that,” Terry said, letting his face fall into his hands.

“Nothing happened, my ass! So, you mean to tell me that you let this girl kiss and touch all over you, then expected your girlfriend to be okay with it? Wait a damn minute… I thought you said you didn't tell her,” Rochelle said, knitting her eyebrows together.

“I didn't… She did,” Terry mumbled under his breath.

“Who did? Who is she? What are y—. Terrence! I know damn well you didn't let Talyor tell her first. Come on, honey. This ain't right, and you know it. You should've known this wasn't gonna end well,” she said, popping Terry upside his head.

“Rochelle!” Terry’s father, Franklin, yelled as he entered the room.

“Go ‘head. Tell your father about the mess you done got yourself into. Franky, you gotta hear this,” Rochelle said, shifting in her seat.

Franklin sat in his recliner, facing Terry. “Boy! Talk! Ain't no sense in hangin’ ya' head,” he said, leaning up to get Terry's attention.

Terry sat in silence for a moment. He started the story over, telling it from beginning to end. The more he talked, the more he realized how disappointed his parents looked and the worse he felt. It was becoming more evident to him that he fucked up. Havana had every right to be mad.

“Chelle, can you give us a minute? I think this might be one of those conversations, baby,” Franklin said, rising from the recliner.

“Alright. Please, talk some sense into this boy,” Rochelle said, standing.

Franklin approached Terry's mother kissing her on the cheek. Rochelle left the room and left the two men alone. Franklin knew that this was a conversation that needed a Father's touch. His mother could only understand to a certain extent.

“Son, listen. Before I even start speaking, do you even know what you did wrong?” he asked as he sat back in his recliner.

“Yes. I just… I just didn't think it was that serious. I never wanted to hurt ‘Vana. I love her too much. I thought I was protecting her,” Terry said, looking at his father.

Franklin stared at his son. The look on Terry's face was all too familiar. This was the face of a man who knew he messed up but didn't know if he could fix his mistake. He knew his son well enough to see that whoever this girl was she had Terry's heart— all of it.

“That’s a start. At least, you know you were wrong. Listen to me, son. When it comes to women…., or better yet, when it comes to love, omission is lyin’. It doesn't matter what your intentions were. You let another woman tell your woman something she didn't know about. What makes it worse is that Taylor ain't some random woman, she’s a woman you gotta past wit’. That’s gonna immediately throw some doubt in there no matter how much she trusts you. I can only imagine how Taylor spun that story. So, of course, her initial thoughts are gonna be all over the place. She’s gonna question why you weren't the one to tell her, and if nothing happened, why'd you hide it? You left too much unanswered, son. Then, you let another woman answer for you,” Franklin said. He could see the wheels turning in Terry’s head.

“I know, Dad. It’s just that I don't even think she wants to see me, let alone talk. ‘Vana was more than pissed. She looked hurt. I shoulda followed her. I shouldn't have let her leave. She was right there—,” Terry said, sniffling.

“Son, what I'm about to say is gonna hit you like a shot of whiskey with no chaser. Stop thinking like a man and think like a lover. Don't you dare call that woman tryin' to talk over no phone. Go find her, and let her know how you feel. Meet her wherever she's at, pour yo’ heart, hit yo’ knees. Do whateva you need to get yo’ woman. But before you go over there, you gotta come to terms with something. She don't have to listen, and she for damn sure don't have to forgive ya’. All you can do is let her know how you feel. Hell, show her how you feel. You want that girl bad enough; you won't give a damn about how you look in that moment. Look at me, Terrence! When you get done, her heart should be full, and yours should be empty. Do you understand me?!”

A/N: Remember, I'm open to critiques. I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by ME (theereina). Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

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[multifandomworldsposts]

Day 1 of Kinkmas: Early Morning Sex

pairing: logan howlet x fem!reader

warning: thigh biting, eating out, hickeys, protected sex, breasts biting, blowjob

summary: Y/N gets worried about Logan. When Logan gets back, he makes it up to Y/N.

Y/N’s POV

I’ve been waiting for Logan almost all night and I give up at 2 am so I fell asleep in our bed but I kept on waking up every minute of he’s next to me or him walking in our room but nothing, I’m afraid of what’s happening to him.

6 AM

I wake up and checked the clock, 6:10 am, so early for me. I turn my body around and I see Logan sleeping by my side. I feel relieved and smile to myself, I lean towards him to kiss his cheek but I feel his hand on my neck to make us kiss.

I stop kissing by creasing his cheek and sees some little scars on his face.

“Where were you? You had me worried sick.” I say to him.

“Don’t worry about me darlin’ I was just on a mission.” He says creasing my side.

“I stayed up till 2 am.” I pout a little.

“Let me make it up to you.” He leans in to kiss me.

I deepened the kiss and he makes me lay on my back so he can kiss my body.

I feel him kissing my body to go to my inner thighs and begins to give me kisses and I feel him biting my inner thighs, I might be getting some hickeys. I begin to moan and I grab a clump of his hair to keep him there, until I feel his tongue inside me, I gasp and arch my back. I can feel him smirking on my skin. I cum on his tongue.

After a while, he’s been kissing my neck, I giggle by his dog tags on my chest, I feel him smirking on my neck and he starts to give me hickeys, but he stops what he was doing and looks at me. I whimper.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna get something.” He whispers in my ear.

Logan leans to his nightstand to get something, when he comes back to me, he’s holding a condom.

I make Logan kiss me again and we begin to make out. I hear the condom wrapper rip, we’re still kissing, I feel him going in and out of me, I moan into our kiss. I can feel how big he is just by him moving around inside me.

I make us sit up and I wrap my legs and arms around him, he starts kissing and biting my breasts, I scream in pleasure, fuck he’s so good.

“Fuck Logan, let me take care of you.” I moan.

I make him stop biting me and make him look at me, he looks like a puppy who’s lost.

“Let me take care of you.” I whisper.

He smirks, I already can tell he wants something.

“I have an idea.” He grins.

“I can do it, just let me take care of you.” I pout.

He tells me what he wants, a blowjob, I get down on my knees and give him a blowjob. He groans so loud and grips on my hair to guide me through it.

9 AM

I look at the time, 9:30 am, holy shit, I lay down and look at Logan who’s waiting for my answer.

“It’s 9:30 am.” I snuggle up against him.

“Fuck. I gave ya something huh?” He groans.

“Mmm, yes you did.” I said.

“I love you, and I’ll never keep you waiting for me, I promise.” He makes us nose to nose.

I smile, I know he has to save the world but I know at some point he has to save me.

“I love you too Wolverine.” I say.

[rosylix]

blossom

아찔하게 말할게, 이 밤의 끝에 우린 피어나 𖹭

how are you supposed to remain sane around felix after the most inconceivable night of your entire life? spoiler; you can't

pairing: bff!felix × gn!reader

wc: 16.7k

content: college au, smut, fluff, angst, inexperienced(??) reader, switchy!felix, hickeys, dry humping, theyre both idiots, a few text message screenshots, friends to lovers, they.... kiss.......

a/n: sauur we made it. ty for sticking with me! i made myself sick writing this they are so cringe and sappy. pls be warned.... theyre insufferable.

[also read on ao3]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

—

Felix doesn't come back.

At least, you somehow managed to fall back asleep before he did, and now it's early morning, judging by the thin beams of sunlight peeking through the half-drawn blinds. 

You sit up, squinting at the brightness and rub your eyes. Everything from last night comes back in a rush and you freeze mid-blink with a gasp.

Well, shit. Did that really happen?

You almost want to lie back down, pull the covers over your head and continue sleeping so you can pretend last night didn't happen in a vain hope of avoiding any and all embarrassment. 

But, no. You'll have to get up eventually. Also, you need to pee. And where's Felix?

Reluctantly, you force yourself out of bed and head to the bathroom. It's empty. You take as long as you can to brush your teeth and wash your face with cold water, staring at your reflection in the mirror. You look normal, if a little tired. 

You take a deep breath, trying to rationalize. What happened last night… It's a natural thing. It happens. It's not like Felix knew what he was doing, or that you were awake (and whose fault is that?). You just happened to be wrapped in his arms but it literally doesn't have to be a big deal. You honestly don't know shit about any of this but… Right? It's not a big deal. You can still be normal about this. About him.

That almost all goes out the window when you finally venture out of the bathroom.

Your feet stop moving as soon as you round the corner. The kitchen area is connected to the living room with no real barrier, so you have a full view of everything. Sure enough, there's Felix, standing by the stove with his back turned to you.

For a moment, it’s like nothing happened. This is just a normal morning after a sleepover with your best friend. 

You can pretend.

You shuffle forward, clearing your throat.

He whips around at the sound of your voice and for a moment, he freezes, face blank before it morphs into a smile, and you immediately want to melt into a puddle and cease to exist because he looks like sin personified.

Maybe you're just projecting, because he doesn't look any different than normal. He always looks like this. But not like… this. He's wearing the same loose white shirt that almost drowns his slender frame and reveals a delicious amount of collarbone as it almost slips off one shoulder. His hair is fluffy and messy from sleep, making him look like an actual fucking angel, and the warm morning light spilling in through the windows illuminates his skin. The whole scene is like a freaking renaissance painting. 

“Morning!” he says cheerfully, turning back to the stove. Completely normal. Maybe it really was all a fever dream. 

It takes a second before you realize you're just standing there, gawking in his direction like an idiot. “Morning,” you echo. Smooth. You take a step forward, still hovering. It's silent for an excruciatingly long moment.

Felix clears his throat. “Did you— Did you sleep well?”

You blink. “Um…”

“I mean— ‘Cause the… the storm… was pretty loud…” he says slowly. “Uh… But, you didn't, like, wake up at all last night?”

You pause, heart dropping as you realize what he's asking. Did you wake up?

You have to give him credit; it's only because you know better that you notice the uncertainty in his voice, the way his shoulders are set a little higher than usual. You can't see his face but the way he's tensed up tells you he's more than a little anxious. 

Well. You're going to die on this hill. “No.”

He sighs. Out of relief? Disappointment? You don’t know. “Okay. Good. I mean, I'm glad. That you slept alright.”

You nod. Cool. This isn't awkward at all. You don't know what else to say so you return the question to him. “Did you...?”

“Me? Yeah. Yeah, uh, I was fine. Loads better than the floor so, yeah, thanks for not letting me be an idiot about that.”

You hum noncommittally. Should you leave? (Yes.) There's no real reason for you to stay longer since the weather cleared up. Would it be too weird to leave so suddenly? (Yes.) But you really can't stand this tension much longer. Fuck pretending. You're awful at this.

“Uh, so…” Felix turns his head to you, interrupting your thoughts. “You hungry? Want breakfast?”

You’re about to say no but… you are hungry. And whatever he's making — pancakes? — smells good. Well, breakfast sounds normal enough.

“Sure,” you say instead. That's a normal thing to say.

Felix smiles at your response, seeming to relax a little as he turns back to the stove, spatula in hand. You stare at his back for a moment before deciding standing around is making you antsy. You move to lean against the counter across from the stove, watching him pour the pancake batter a little clumsily.

“So…” you start and his arm suddenly twitches, spilling batter on his hand. He swears and reaches to the sink to quickly wash it off before running the wet hand through his unruly hair. You watch as a few drops of water drip down his neck and you kind of want to touch them, trace their path with your fingers. Or your mouth. Maybe…

Wow. Wowww. You're actually unwell. What the hell? You need to sit the fuck down.

As you do that, pulling out a chair only slightly dizzily, he speaks. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Were you saying something? You're so lost. “Um…” you swallow. “H-How long have you been up…?”

Felix hums and flips the pancakes carefully. “Not too long… A couple hours, maybe?”

A couple hours? He’s been up for hours, plural? Doing what? Waiting for you to wake up?

“Oh.” You swallow again. “How come?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” is his casual reply, followed by a shrug. “Figured I should do something so…” he gestures to the stove. 

“Oh,” you repeat, still struggling to get your head straight. The kitchen is also spotless, you notice, any leftover mess from the cookies yesterday miraculously gone. He probably stress-cleaned or something. Your heart hurts for him and how he must be feeling but what can you do? It's your own fault you can't even talk to him about it and clear the air. You dug this grave.

“You didn't have to. Make breakfast, I mean.”

He looks over his shoulder for a second, his smile strained when he says, “No, I know. I just… wanted to do something nice.”

You look down at your hands, guilt twisting your stomach. This… This is your fault. He wouldn't be suffering quietly like this if it weren't for you. 

“Thanks,” you murmur.

Felix lets out a little laugh. “Don't sound so enthusiastic.”

“That's the most enthusiastic I can sound this early in the morning,” you say, earning a huff of amusement from him in response.

“Well, they're not worth much enthusiasm anyway. I kinda— I dunno. They're uh…” he turns off the stove, presumably finished, but he hesitates before turning around. “Well…” he places the plate of pancakes down in front of you and laughs sheepishly. 

Ah. They are quite… dark. Well done, if you will. You fight the urge to laugh as you stare down at the plate of pancakes that look vaguely like hockey pucks.

“Is there something funny?”

You look up to see him watching you with a small pout, his eyebrows drawn in. You can’t hide your smile this time, especially when his lips slowly quirk up in response.

“No, no, um…” You glance back down at the plate of black holes. “They look great.”

“Don't lie.” He sits down across from you, elbows propped, a pout on his face. His face is flushed. Up close, you can see the darkness under his eyes. You wonder if he slept at all.

“I don't know what's wrong with me…” he sighs, covering his face a little, and you get the sense he's talking about more than just burnt pancakes.

“I…” Your heart squeezes at his dejected voice. “It's okay, really, Felix,” you say, but if you're implicating something more than just burnt pancakes too, he'll never know. “It happens.” 

He chuckles softly and peeks at you through his fingers. “Yeah. I’m just… a bit out of it, I guess.”

You nod. You’re a little out of it, too. You can't stop staring at his face, the pink flush to his cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes, his hair sticking up a little haphazardly, the way his lashes flutter as he blinks tiredly. He looks so… pretty. He always looks pretty. 

He peeks at you again, and you catch yourself and look away. You should say something. You should say you were awake last night. You should tell him you're not upset. You should just be honest.

You don't do any of that. Felix sits up with a huff and starts combing through the pancake stack, picking out a few less egregious ones and putting them on a plate for you.

“There.” He slides the plate over to you. “Try a couple of these.”

He's a good friend, is your first thought, watching him try to salvage the pancakes with a fond smile. At least he has the wherewithal to look sheepish for making such a thing. You don't mind, though. You'd eat them anyway, burnt or not. You’ve never been able to deny him anything, even before all this, so you’ve certainly got no chance now.

He glances at you, noticing your smile, and laughs. You can see a bit of the tension from earlier leaving his body, his shoulders less tense as he watches you cut into the pancakes with your fork. He reaches over and pours some syrup over the cooled pancakes before settling back in his chair, resting his head against his hand. 

“Sorry they're not the best. Didn't realize I'm shit at cooking until just now.”

Despite his claims, and the lackluster presentation, the pancakes aren’t bad at all. The edges are crispy (if a bit crunchy) and the inside is surprisingly fluffy. You tell him as much and he crosses his arms over his chest unbelievably, but you see him fighting the smile on his face, tongue in cheek. It’s so, so cute. Truly, you are a goner.

“I'm serious!” you say. “I think they're great!”

He rolls his eyes at you, still smiling. “I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to. I’m telling the truth.” You take another bite for emphasis. “Mmm,” you hum, only exaggerating a little. So what? You see the way he lights up at your praise, and you're grateful for his efforts — even if they look burnt to hell.

You guess you mumbled that last part out loud because Felix snorts, looking up and resting his chin on his arms. “To hell? You can say that again.”

You purse your lips to hide the smile that slips on your face and he glares at you, probably thinking that you’re making fun of him.

“‘S not funny,” he huffs before reaching for a plate for himself.

“It's a little funny.”

“Shut up.”

—

You probably should have made your exit after breakfast, but in the moment of normalcy you forgot that you're kind of supposed to be freaking out about him; you don't think twice about staying. Now, you're sitting with him on his bed, helping him study. 

“I don't get it,” Felix whines, tilting his head back and exposing the long line of his neck. You try not to gape like an idiot, resisting the urge to reach up and run your fingers over his jaw and the phantom marks there. “Why are there so many different integrals?”

“Uh…” You pull your attention back to the textbook in front of you, trying to read through everything. It's probably important that you actually pay attention to this. And not the way he's chewing on his lip in concentration. Or the little freckle on the corner of his nose. That's not part of the exam material.

“And these equations,” Felix continues, pointing to the page. “They're the fucking same thing! What the fuck?”

Focus. “So,” you shake your head to clear it and laugh a little. “They're just different methods of approximation. These ones are rectangular, and this one's trapezoidal so…” you squint at the page. “They're similar but here you divide this part. See? And you multiply each inner term. So that depends on how many intervals you're using,” you explain. “Rectangles are simpler but trapezoids are more accurate? I think you need to know both though.”

He looks up at you with a grimace. “Yeah, okay. Thanks. I'm sure I'll remember all that perfectly during the exam.” He glances down at the notes with a sigh. He looks stressed. It doesn't help that he's probably also tired. That he's been up for hours. 

Because of you. 

You're suddenly hyper-aware that you're sitting on his bed, close enough to touch. You noticed he's been keeping a little more distance than usual, but you can still feel the warmth of his body next to you and it makes you antsy and distracted, trying to keep your focus on the notes spread out in front of you. At least it's something to look at other than him.

You clear your throat. “You'll have to memorize it, I guess.”

“So what you're saying is I should give up on calculus,” he says dryly. “I should give up on life.”

“That is literally not at all what I said.”

He groans and flops forward onto the bed, his head landing by your thigh and leaning against it. You freeze. He doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes and sighs.

You swallow down the rush of heat that runs through your body, unsure of what to do when he’s basically using your leg as a pillow. Nothing out of the ordinary, except that you're pretty sure this is the first time you've touched for more than a split second since… last night.

You can feel his breath against your leg, his eyelashes fluttering faintly. He looks like he could fall asleep like this, head nuzzled into your leg. Like a cat, you think briefly, and you can’t help yourself when your fingers reach out, itching to push his hair out of his face — just testing if that's okay. 

You do it anyway, against your better judgment, slowly combing through the soft locks. He doesn’t really react, but his breath hitches ever so slightly. Your mind drifts off to the soft sound of his moan against your neck last night and you nearly choke on your own spit.

Oh my god. No, no, no, not real. It was absolutely a fever dream and there is no room for doubt, no matter how vividly the memory is playing in your mind right now. You were doing so well repressing it.

Felix's eyes suddenly fly open and he sits up abruptly. “Uh…” he starts, staring at you with wide eyes before his gaze drops to your hand still floating mid-air, hovering over where his head was.

“Sorry—” He scrambles back, clearing his throat, looking a little flushed in the face. He glances at you for a second before turning away, busying himself with tidying the notes spread across the bed. 

“Oh.” You try to keep your voice steady and let your hand fall. “For what?”

“For, um…” He shrugs, still not looking at you. “I dunno. I wasn't trying to, like, fall asleep on you or anything,” he mumbles.

He's nervous, you realize. The fact that he's so nervous makes you even more nervous and guilty. Are you making him uncomfortable? Is sitting this close to you hard for him now?

He looks back at you for a moment, and then his face scrunches up a bit. “I really— I can’t do this,” he mutters, voice wavering a little, looking at you with an almost pleading expression, and your heart sinks. You can’t tell if he means the studying or… something else.

Before you can fully panic at what the fuck he means — he probably knows, is he upset with you, does he maybe not want to be friends anymore—? He takes a deep breath and says your name quietly.

“Is everything… alright?”

What? What kind of question is that? You might have just stopped breathing. What does it mean to be alright anyway? That's pretty subjective, isn't it? This past week you've lost track of any sense of what normal feels like, and really, honestly, you never knew. You don't know anything. You’re trying to act like nothing happened, but it’s so hard. And clearly, you've been failing.

But that's all you want. For everything to be alright. “...What do you mean?”

“With you.” He finally drags his eyes up to look at you again. “With us. Everything… alright?”

Well, no. “Yeah,” you breathe. “Of course.”

The answer doesn’t seem to satisfy him. If anything, it makes him look more upset, his shoulders slouching forward and brows knitting together as he looks down at the space between you. “Are you sure?” he asks, in that same quiet tone, staring at you like he wants to say something else. You want him to say it, to keep asking, press you until you crack. You want him to force the truth out of you so badly it makes you feel sick.

But he doesn't. He doesn't push, not that you expected him to. Felix is never one to push you for anything you're not ready to give. It's something you love about him and you hate yourself for wanting him to now. It's not fair of you to expect so much of him, to want him to keep poking, try to pry you open, or read your mind.

He's still waiting for an answer. “Why do you ask…?” you whisper.

“Um,” he starts, touching his ear. “I guess… I mean— Recently, I feel like things have been a little… different? Uhh, weird? Maybe? I don't know. But—” he sighs. “I— You tell me. Am I making it up? I swear if you tell me I'm wrong, or an idiot, I'll shut up,” he laughs nervously.

“That's not it,” you say quickly, and swallow against the lump in your throat, guilt rising up like bile. Obviously, he’s right. Things are different. Things are weird. He knows it, you know it, and apparently both of you have been content to dance around the subject for days.

He stares at you like he’s waiting for more. You chew on your lip, struggling to find the right words to say. He’s being careful, tiptoeing around you like you’re going to run away at any moment. (You are.)

“I just… have a lot on my mind is all,” you murmur.

A beat. “Yeah,” he says, voice low. He’s watching your face closely. “What kind of things? Can you tell me?”

You can't even look at him for too long, terrified the floodgates might burst open if you do. You focus on the sheets bunched up in your fingers. “You know. Just…” Just that this is all my fault. Just that I stupidly caught feelings and caused this tension between us. I’m sorry. I really wish I didn't like you.

You're seconds away from sprinting.

He nods slowly when you don't elaborate. “Yeah… okay.” His voice is soft. He’s giving up. You don’t know if you like that or not. “Yeah. I get it.” He purses his lips.  “Sorry, I just— I… Can I ask one more thing? I just— It’s not about the, uh…” he points to his neck. “...practicing..? Or.. something… is it?”

You freeze, mouth hanging open. Oh, god. He’s seriously bringing that up? So directly? Now? “I—”

He’s looking at you, waiting for your response with an almost desperate look in his eyes. You can't believe he's actually talking about this now when you both had a mutual agreement to pretend that never happened. For days he acted like it never happened. It was his idea.

A few seconds of silence pass before he lets out a sigh and looks down, shoulders slumping heavily. “Bingo, huh? Yeah, that’s… that’s what I figured.”

“You… figured..?”

Felix sighs again and runs a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky laugh. “Yeah.” He still can’t seem to look at you. “That I screwed everything up.”

You feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. “What?”

He turns back to look at you, rubbing his eyes, and lets out an unsteady breath. “I didn't mean to—” he says quickly. He looks frustrated with himself, face pinched in a frown as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Just,” he says quietly. “You can like... talk to me if you're upset about it.”

You stop breathing.

“I, like... I don't want you being uncomfortable around me just because… Can we just…” he sighs. “I know we said to forget about it but… not if you're upset. Please tell me if you're upset.”

Your head is swimming, heart racing at a pace that makes you lightheaded, his words spinning in your mind. He thinks you're upset. “I'm not…” you take a deep breath. “I’m not… upset.”

His eyes soften, but he still seems hesitant. “No? Really?” He exhales. “It was… a really dumb idea. I should've never suggested it. I'm sorry.” He chews on his lip. “And you've been so… like, I feel like you've been a little uncomfortable around me since. I-It's been eating me up a little, you know? I should've known better. I'm… really sorry.”

Your mouth opens and closes a few times in stunned silence. You're such an idiot. Of course he’s been worried about you. Of course he’s been blaming himself. Felix is genuinely distraught because he thinks you hate him or something, and you really don't know how to process that when it's the furthest thing from the truth. 

Felix looks pained as he sits next to you, waiting for you to say something. The anxiety is visible, written on every inch of him in the way he can’t look at you, in the way his hands are shaking. You just want it to stop.

He's blaming himself for this. Thinking that you're upset over—

“I-I’m not upset,” you finally manage to say. Your voice sounds weak, even to your own ears.

He gives you a dubious look, and you straighten up.

“I'm not upset,” you repeat more firmly. “In fact, I'd do it again,” you blurt out.

If you weren’t so frustrated—with him, with yourself, with everything—you might’ve been amused at the way his expression changes. If anything, he looks more confused, furrowing his brow and blinking at you wide-eyed like you just told him you're secretly a lizard.

“You— What?”

He’s looking at you like you've lost your mind. Maybe you have. You’re probably crazy for even entertaining the thought, but your mouth is still moving before you can even think to bite your tongue, the words tumbling out before your brain can catch up and ask you what the hell you think you're doing.

“I— I didn’t mind, um,” you stutter out, suddenly feeling flushed under his blank stare. You swallow, trying to keep your voice even while your heart is pounding so hard against your chest you’re sure it’s about to burst through. “I mean— I don’t— It wasn’t like, bad or anything…” 

His eyes go wider at your words and you can see the gears spinning in his head as he tries to figure out if you’re joking or not. You’re not. You’ve thought about it a lot, actually. A stupid amount.

He just keeps looking at you like he can't believe what he’s hearing. “What, are you—” he manages to croak out. “Are you serious? Um— You’re really—” He swallows thickly.

“I mean…" you stutter, face growing warmer with each passing second. “Yeah,” you try to act nonchalant. “I-I just mean… that I don’t mind.” You shrug. “I actually… kind of thought it was… nice?”

There. The words are out. Too late. Too honest. You almost immediately want to take them back— but you can’t. Surely that's a normal enough thing to say?

Apparently not. Felix’s tongue pokes out to wet his lips as he looks at you, a flicker of… something in his eyes that you can’t quite read. “That's—” he blinks. “You can’t just... say that.”

“Why not?” you shoot back. “It was… useful.” Wasn't that the whole point?

After several beats of torturous silence he finally lets out a loud exhale. “Are you messing with me.”

You roll your eyes, fighting the heat in your cheeks. “Why would I be messing with you?”

“What? Because—” He furrows his brow, struggling to get the words out. “You… you haven’t been acting… Uh— You’ve been, like, kinda weird. All week. You're really not upset?”

You look away. Of course you've been more distant, acting like a complete idiot because you caught feelings, so of course you inadvertently pushed him away. Well, he's been a bit weird too. But that's because he thought you were uncomfortable with him, you realize.

You're such a fool.

“No. I'd do it again,” you say again, hoping it comes across blasé and not desperate. 

Felix coughs. “Right. Okay, well— I don't… know if that's… a good idea.”

Obviously. But wait, is he actually… Considering it? Thinking about it? Oh god. You didn't realize how that sounded. You had meant it hypothetically, not as an offer but…

He's right. It can only end in disaster. But maybe… What better way is there to prove that you're not uncomfortable with him?

...There's definitely no other reason than that that leads you to look back at him and say something so deranged.

“...Please?”

Felix’s eyes widen comically and he’s clearly trying to form words, mouth opening and closing as he stares at you like you’ve grown a third head. “What— I—” His mouth clamps shut instantly, cheeks blooming a bright shade of pink and you have to fight down an onslaught of butterflies at the sight. 

He clears his throat. “Uh— uh, you want to?” he asks slowly, blinking at you like he’s not sure if you're real or a figment of his imagination.

“Um,” you clear your throat, trying to steady your voice. This is so fucked. What are you doing? “Yeah, I mean, I still think I'm… I need to practice more…?” 

“I-I don’t—” A startled laugh escapes him. “I don't think that you… do… Uh, you— you really want to, like— right now?” 

Jesus, he’s actually serious. You feel lightheaded, pulse pounding in your ears. You have a vague notion that you should probably backtrack, pull away, maybe laugh and tell him that you’re kidding. Just the thought of it makes you shiver—

“Um. Sure..?” you say instead, and mentally facepalm.

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. You follow it for a split second before darting your eyes up to look at his face. He looks flustered, his cheeks a deep shade of pink. It makes your stomach flip.

“I… this… seems like… maybe not a good idea,” he says, twisting the rings on his fingers. “But, I— Uhh, if you want…?”

This is insane. There's still time, you think, to make a break for it, but you can't manage to speak. You know it's a bad idea. You can't bring yourself to care. Not when he's been beating himself up over this and is clearly still not convinced you don't hate him. 

Felix slowly starts to move, shifting his weight until he's leaning against the headboard in front of you, the space between your knees only inches apart. He watches you closely, as if waiting for you to change your mind, and— Right. You kind of have to take the lead in this. A part of you desperately wishes the roles were reversed but you really can't think about that if you want to have any hope of making it out of this alive. You’re already on the verge of passing out as it is.

As you start to move closer to him a giggle slips from his lips and he clamps them shut instantly, cheeks flushed as you slowly scoot across the bed towards him. You pause, wondering if he’s maybe come to his senses, but then he bites his lip and shakes his head.

“Sorry, I-I’m— Uh, just—” he laughs again, high in his throat, looking a mix of nervous and incredulous.

You giggle a little hesitantly. “..What?”

“Oh my god. Sorry. It’s just—” he says, trying to hide his face. He peeks from behind his hands, grinning sheepishly. “You’re— This is so— I can’t believe you think you need more practice.”

“...Shut up.”

His soft laughter is cut short when you get even closer, your knees brushing his. For some reason, seeing him like this… flustered, nervous, almost shy… is suddenly making your head spin. You want him to feel at least a tiny fraction of the way you’ve been feeling these past few days.

When you’re finally settled in front of him, you take a moment to look at his face, watching as he wets his lips, tongue peeking out just enough to leave them shining. He clears his throat, the sound making you jolt out of your daze.

“Okay,” he starts, eyes darting around the room. “What— What did you… want to… practice?”

He sounds breathless, his face a pretty shade of pink. Your heart stutters in your chest, and you have to remind yourself to breathe. He looks so, so beautiful like this; flushed, hair messy, mouth parted, and you really just want to kiss him.

You blink hard, trying to tamp down that thought. “Um…”

His eyes flit back to you, and he swallows. You watch his Adam's apple bob in his throat and… Oh. Small, almost imperceptible patches of pink are scattered across his skin, blending with the blush creeping up his shirt collar. Hardly noticeable, but there nonetheless, especially to the one who inflicted them. 

You don't realize your fingers had begun tracing the skin until he lets out a shaky exhale, tilting his chin, baring his neck for you.

You pause, eyes jumping up to his face. He's watching you under half-lidded eyes, lips parted as your fingertips brush his skin.

“I—” he stutters, tongue darting out to lick his lips again. “You… really did a number on me, you know?”

You have half a mind to apologize but it's drowned under the rush of make them darker, make them last longer clouding your thoughts. You kind of want to mark him up forever. You're leaning in, you realize, breath ghosting his skin. “Can I…?”

He nods, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, please,” he breathes. “You don’t… you don’t have to ask. Do whatever you want to me.”

Whatever you want. That's… Hm. Wow. You can't even spare a thought on how crazy an offer that is before you're bringing your legs up to sit in his lap, any sense of decorum lost to you. You lean down, bracing yourself on his shoulders.

His hands hover momentarily by your waist before settling there, holding you in place as you make yourself comfortable in his lap. His breath stutters when your lips brush against his neck ever so slightly and his head falls back against the headboard with a soft thump. You hum, a thrill running through you at how sensitive he is as you repeat the action.

You press soft, open-mouthed kisses along the column of his neck, pausing to gently suck and pull, and he makes a noise, a low whine that makes your stomach do backflips. You pause, lips hovering above his skin. 

He's squirming a little underneath you, trying to get closer, to get you to press harder, but he keeps his place against the headboard, body taut with what you can tell is the effort to stay still. He swallows, eyes squeezing shut as he tilts his chin up even more, baring his neck again. “Please,” he whispers.

You're gonna die here, you think faintly. But for this it'll be worth it; you press a kiss beneath his jaw and he audibly sighs, head tilting back further as he grips your waist tighter. 

You slowly make your way to the other side of his neck, lips leaving a trail of kisses in your path, and his breathing starts to get faster and more erratic. He gasps when you bite the sensitive skin, feeling him arch up against you a little, and you gently kiss the red mark you’ve left behind. “Mmhh,” he says, eyes slipping shut, “God, you’re seriously already good at this…”

“Really...?” you ask, satisfaction and pride bubbling in your chest. You never could’ve imagined that having him practically under your control like this would feel so good, but the effect your actions have on him is literally dizzying. “I guess… I had a good teacher?”

He huffs out a laugh, rolling his head to the side as you start to work on a new spot. “You—” he lets out a shaky exhale that turns into a moan as you suck another mark just below his Adam’s apple. He’s gripping your waist firmly, fingers digging in hard enough that you wonder if you’ll have bruises in the shape of them later. “Mm— God, don’t— I’m— I’m sensitive there…”

You know. Still, you pull back, admiring the red mark left in your wake. Felix is a mess, breathless and flushed and staring up at you with dark, heavy-lidded eyes.

“Shit,” he says, voice uneven, “You’re so— so…” He trails off and the sight of him plus his voice… it's such an onslaught to your senses. You lean back into his neck if only to hide from his gaze and start pressing soft kisses to the skin again.

“Please,” he begs, voice quiet and rough, “God, please, please—”

You hum, the words going straight to your head— and other places which you’re trying not to think about. You have absolutely no idea what you're doing anymore but it just feels so good to hear how he reacts to every small touch, his soft whining, the way he keeps shifting as he tries to stay still, everything—

As you gently suck another mark into his neck, this time on the sweet spot just by his ear, he gasps and his legs twitch underneath you, a whine slipping from his throat. “Ah, ahhh, wait—”

There's no time to process anything before he lets out a small, frustrated sound, one hand going to your chin to gently guide you away from his neck. He's breathing heavily, a little dazed, with a pretty pink flush coating his cheeks and high on his ears. He's so stunning you completely forget you can't just stop and stare like this.

He whispers your name. “We, uh…” he breathes out, and just having him say your name in such a wrecked voice is enough to make you feel even more insane. “We should s-stop…”

You don't know what's gotten into you. You want to keep going.

His hand drops away from your chin, gripping your hip again instead. He tilts his head back further into the headboard, eyes shutting for a moment as he tries to steady his breathing. 

“I—” he begins through a sharp inhale, only to pause, swallowing visibly before he repeats himself. “W-We should really… stop.”

You nod mutely, trying to reign in your wild heartbeat as you reluctantly lean back a little. 

He slowly releases the tight grip on your waist, looking at you, mouth still slightly parted as his breaths start to even out. Neither of you say anything for a moment, but you can’t look away from each other. The air is so thick.

As you shift your weight in his lap, you become painfully aware of the fact that your body is pressed right up against his, your legs straddling his hips, your faces so close you can feel his ragged breaths against your lips. It’s impossible to think straight with him looking up at you like that, eyes blown wide and dark, face flushed, the prettiest pink staining across his cheeks and the tip of his ears, lips parted as he tries to regain his breath…

God, you really, really want to kiss him.

He swallows visibly as your faces are still mere inches apart and it takes a tremendous amount of self-restraint to not just lean in and press your lips onto his. You can’t imagine what he’s thinking or feeling right now, but the look he’s giving you and the way he’s still just—looking at you—makes your head spin.

He wets his lips and you might just drop dead. “This...” he starts, voice still a bit shaky, “Sorry. This was supposed to be you practicing… I… always get too…”

As he trails off, he lets out a small, unsteady laugh, looking up at you with a sort of sheepish smile—like he’s embarrassed. “…carried away. God, sorry. Um,” he swallows again, looking everywhere but you. “Are you alright—?”

His cheeks are still a pretty shade of pink, lips red and shiny from where he’s been biting them. The sight is not doing any favors for your sanity.

You feel so crazy. You can't take it anymore. 

“I lied.”

Clearly, that wasn't what he was expecting. He blinks at you, eyebrows drawing together. “...What?”

“I—” Oh god. Are you really doing this? “I… lied. This morning. I-I was, um,” you take a deep breath, “...awake last night.”

“You… were awake… last night?” he repeats slowly.

You nod. You might be on the brink of death. “Um, t-that's why I was maybe acting… extra weird? …Sorry.”

He’s staring, expression blank, before it seems to click. “Oh, god,” he groans, bringing a hand up to hide his face. “Oh— oh my god. I'm so, so sorry. You— I—”

He puts his hands back on your waist and tries to push you off of him, but you place your hands over his to halt his movements.

He goes still, eyes flicking up to meet yours, and you don’t think you’ve ever felt more dizzy in your life. You’re sitting on top of him, his hands are on your waist, he’s flushed red, looking so pretty, and you’re so gone that you can hardly feel embarrassed.

“No, wait, it's okay,” you say. “I'm… not uncomfortable with you. Or… this. That's what I'm trying to say.”

He lets out a harsh breath before shaking his head. “No no no, no way,” He pulls his hands free from under yours, as if burned, and runs them through his hair. “I'm— I'm, like, a fucking creep, I—”

“Oh my god, Felix, no,” you say in a rush, feeling like he’s slipping away with each passing second. “You’re not— Listen. I just…” 

How do you even say this? That it affected you more than it probably should have, that it’s been plaguing your mind all morning, that you’re more confused than ever.

“I’m not— uncomfortable,” you manage to get out, “I promise.”

He looks at you, guarded, searching your expression. “…You’re not,” he repeats, with a tinge of disbelief.

“No.” There’s an odd, strangled feeling in your chest as he studies your face, the air still so thick between the two of you. You’re suddenly very aware of the way you’re still sitting, straddling his hips and so close you can literally count the freckles around his eyes.

“...Promise?” He peeks up at you, hands slowly coming down from his hair. 

You nod. “Promise. Really.” 

He swallows thickly and moves his hands down to hold your hips again, almost like an unconscious action, like that's the most natural place for them to be.

“Then… then how are you feeling?” He studies your face carefully, eyes jumping from each of your eyes, down, and back up.

You can’t think coherently with his body pressed against yours, your mind is so muddled, and his voice—

“‘Cause, I— um, I feel…” A small, nervous, incredulous breath leaves his lips. “Are you… are you feeling…”

“I…” You're cool. You're vibing. Your brain is melting out of your ears. “I don’t know,” you say honestly. “I feel dizzy.”

“Dizzy,” he repeats, grip on your hips tightening a little. “Dizzy… good? Or… sick?”

He shifts, bringing you nearly flush against him, and your eyes flutter shut. That alone is enough to send you reeling into alternate dimensions.

“I… not sick,” you choke out.

“Yeah?” he says, low and quiet, eyes flicking all over your face. He blinks, swallowing. “That’s… that’s good.” 

You look down at him, taking in his face and the state of his neck. You did that… you did that… Suddenly all you can think of is how it felt under your lips just moments ago, of how he had felt, writhing, whining, begging—

Before you realize it, you're leaning forward again, as if possessed. Felix swallows and his hands grip onto you tighter, holding you steady on top of him. He’s staring up at you, tongue darting out to lick his lips, and your head is filled with static.

With a shaky breath, you tilt your head and bring your lips down to his neck. 

You can feel the way he shudders and his head falls back against the headboard again. “Are you sure…” he breathes, voice hitching as you leave another soft kiss by his collarbone. “Are you— ah—”

His hands slide up to your waist and back down to your hips, fingers digging in as you suck a bruising mark into his shoulder.

He groans, and your vision is literally swimming. You suck a little harder and his hands twitch where they’re holding you firmly, words coming out in a soft moan. “God, you’re— you’re really good a-at this, that's not fair—”

You hum against his skin and run your tongue over the reddening area. “You’re so sensitive,” you murmur, more to yourself than to him, and he lets out an embarrassed noise.

“Shut up,” he whines between gasps, but the words are undermined by the way he’s arching against you, tilting his head to the side to give you better access. “I’ve never— I don’t—”

You shift the slightest bit in his lap and his words are cut off in a soft gasp, eyes shutting for a split second before he’s looking back up at you. The look on his face makes you feel like you’re floating. “Mmm, I'm not… like this… usually… I—”

You want to say something, but the strangled sound from his lips when you reposition yourself on him again takes all coherent thoughts straight out of your mind. Felix’s fingers dig into your waist and you wonder if he’s trying to keep you still or pull you closer. 

You want him closer. You need him closer, and it’s that thought that prompts you to actually press your hips against his and he throws his head back against the headboard again, eyes shut and mouth dropped open as he lets out a low moan. He grabs onto you tighter, pulling you even closer until you’re pressed up against him from chest to hip to— oh.

His breath stutters as his eyes go wide. He swallows visibly before shifting under you again, and yeah, he’s definitely not unaffected.

“Oh,” he breathes quietly. He sounds so ruined and there’s no way you’d be able to stop now even if you wanted to. You press down against him again and he bucks up and lets out a long whine.

“Oh, god—” he gasps out, hands scrambling down to your hips. “W-Wait, I—”

It's a struggle to pull yourself back enough to focus properly. “S-Sorry.”

He looks at you, wild eyed, hair falling on his face, all flushed skin and parted lips, the marks you left on his neck and collarbone glaring at you.

“No,” he says, breathing hard, chest rising and falling against yours. “Don’t… don’t apologize, it's just… I…”

A small whine escapes you as you feel his grip on your hips tighten again, as if testing it. He exhales slowly, and the silence stretches so long you start to wonder if the moment’s over, if you should get off of him, when he speaks in a low, quiet voice.

“Are you… are you really okay with this?” he asks, his eyes meeting yours. His voice is unsteady, but his hands still have a firm grip on you. “I don't want to… ruin anything…”

“Ruin anything...?” What— your friendship? You can’t quite focus when he’s literally holding you on top of him, body hot to the touch, skin soft and so, so tempting. He's an idiot. You like him. You want him.

Felix makes a strangled sound as he pushes and pulls on your hips again, moving your weight over him, his head falling back against the headboard again. You feel light-headed.

“Sorry,” he gasps. “We can stop if… if you…”

You're an idiot. “N-No,” you breathe out quickly, absolutely reeling from having him move your body like that. “No, don't, I…” You’re not even sure you could stop.

Felix lets out a small whine, hands digging further into your hips, his eyes dark and hazy as he looks up at you through his eyelashes.

“Okay,” he breathes, the word sounding like it's been punched out of him. “Okay.”

He leans back and tugs on your hips, rolling his own up as he pulls you down against him. You gasp at the contact, the sudden spark of pleasure coursing through you, but you’re barely given a moment to even think before he’s doing it again, pulling you back down, and fuck.

“Felix,” you choke, and the only answer you get is a whine from him as he moves your body against his again. You’re so caught up that you don’t even realize you’re starting to move to meet him, and he lets out a strangled sound at the action.

“Is this… I-Is this good?” he manages to get out, face screwing up slightly as you press down against him again.

You hum, leaning further into him to hide your burning face and you start to mouth at his neck again because… well, why not? It's familiar at this point and you're well past the point of trying to rationalize your actions. If you don't get your mouth on his skin you may just pass away.

You bite down and he lets out a long, low moan, his head drops back against the headboard again, eyes fluttering shut. “Oh,” he gasps, “Yeah, that— god, shit—”

When your body presses down a little against him again, he nearly chokes. You pull back, eyes instantly tracking the movement of his tongue wetting his lips and you go a little cross-eyed.

“F-Fuck,” he whispers hoarsely, “I don’t think… uhh..” his hands on your waist slide down to your hips, holding them tightly as he gently rocks against you. “I don’t—” he whimpers again, fingers digging into your hips, “I don’t think I can… take much more…”

There are words lodged somewhere in your throat, and you don’t know how to express how bad you want him even if you could.

He looks up at you, eyes dark and heavy, and you think maybe he gets the message anyway.

Before you can say a word, he's pushing you backwards onto the bed. You gasp as you land on your back and he crawls on top of you, leaning down and trapping you with his arms on either side of your head. Looming over you with dilated eyes.

For a second he just stares, not touching you anywhere but still caging you in with his body, and then your brain finally catches up to the position you’re in and—

“Oh my god,” you squeak. “Felix—”

He blinks at you, flushed and panting, his breath brushing against your face. In the sudden change of position, he accidentally presses his knee in between your legs and you let out a gasp and squeeze your thighs together instinctively.

“Oh,” he breathes, looking at you with wide eyes, and you don't know if it's your imagination or if his eyes really do dart down for the briefest second. “Sorry. Was that… bad? Are you uncomfortable?” His blush is dark, spread down his neck.

You swallow, mind blanking on anything to say. He moves his thigh further between your legs, just a bit, and that’s definitely not helping.

His gaze drifts down, down again, and he blinks slowly, like he’s not sure he’s seeing things correctly.

“Um… you’re shaking,” he whispers, eyes flickering back up to your face. “Are you… Are you okay?”

“I—” you choke out. “Yeah. I’m fine. I swear, I’m just—”

He shifts over you again, and you feel his leg press in ever so slightly between yours, and this time you let out probably the most embarrassing sound possible.

If he’s trying to kill you, it’s working.

Felix’s eyes go wide. Slowly, in an almost tortuous way, he pushes down against you again. 

“Ah—”  you gasp again, before pressing your lips tightly together to prevent yourself from humiliating yourself any further. His eyes are dark, watching your expression closely, and you bring your hands up to cover your face for good measure.

He smiles a little. He looks absolutely delighted.

You have the faint urge to hit him but then he's grabbing your wrists and gently moving them off of your face before his head dips down to your neck, breathing hot against your skin, lips hovering just above your jawline before he starts leaving small kisses all over your skin, slowly moving to your pulse point and sucking a light bruise below it.

What the fuck. What the fuckk. You're suddenly apologetic of how you teased Felix because you're pretty sure you're just as sensitive as he is. It's nothing like your arm.

Your gasp turns into a choked whine as he grinds down on you, his lips trailing up until he’s nuzzling your earlobe and he lets out a moan near your ear, the sound going straight to your gut. He drags his mouth back down, teeth scraping your sensitive skin on their way down your neck.

“Why am I the only one getting marked up, hm?” he asks, mouth trailing your collarbone before sucking again. It makes you whine, your wrists straining against his grip on you as his body keeps you locked in place. You try to raise your hips up instinctively (which is really embarrassing), but his weight on you makes it impossible to move.

He groans at your squirming and pulls away, mouth hovering over your skin. “T-Too much?” 

You shake your head, holy shit you're actually going to die if he stops now. 

He lets out a breath and moves down again, leaving a trail of kisses as he reaches the space between your neck and shoulder. “You have no idea,” he says, voice low and strained. “How much I’ve… I’ve wanted…”

“What? Wanted what?” you ask, breath hitching as he sucks another mark near your collarbone, just above the neckline of your shirt.

He stays there for a moment longer before pulling back and blowing on the spot, making a chill run down your spine. “Wanted— Mmm, do you even know— how good you look… wearing my…” His eyes go a little hazy as he wets his lips with his tongue.

Your eyes widen as you realize that, yeah, you're still dressed in his sleep clothes. “Oh.”

He pulls back for a second, eyes roaming over you. “It's… not fair.”

Your breath stutters as he reaches out and hooks a thumb under the collar of your — his — shirt, pulling it down and exposing more of your shoulder. His eyes roam over the bared skin before he's leaning back down, mouthing at the space under your collarbone and sucking an angry red mark onto the skin.

You whine, arching up against him, and the movement grinds your hips up against him. The sensation makes you both gasp, and he drops his head down, his forehead resting on your shoulder.

“F-Fuck,” he whines. You feel him move up to your face, his nose bumping against yours. He’s searching for something in your expression as he slowly lets go of your wrists, his fingers lightly running up your arms, mapping the contours of your face. His breath fans lightly over your lips, the air between your faces getting shorter as he leans closer and oh god, this is it, this is it, this is it—

"Do you, uh…” he starts, “Maybe… need practice kissing too..?"

“What?” You blink, mind slow to comprehend what he’s asking when his lips are so close to yours and he shouldn't be talking right now, what the fuck? And then it registers. "I-I've kissed people before, Felix," you sputter in a burst of concern for your dignity.

“Yeah, but…” he whimpers. “I… Can I…?”

You kind of want to laugh. “...For science?”

“Yeah. Yeah, for science, please can I—” 

You’re not waiting for him to finish his sentence before you're grabbing his shoulders and pulling his head down to yours.

He lets out a shuddery sigh and then he’s finally, finally kissing you. It’s soft and almost chaste, completely different from the way he was biting and kissing your neck just seconds ago, but fireworks explode behind your eyes all the same.

His lips are soft, and he tastes so sweet, like maple syrup. His tongue licks your bottom lip, and you open your mouth, a small gasp slipping from you. He takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue into your mouth, and then he’s really kissing you, tongue curling around yours. You moan, eyes fluttering closed, body lighting up, your entire world reduced to the points where your bodies touch.

This can't be real. Because if it feels like this when it's just practice you can't imagine how it must feel when it's real. Even if you've kissed people before, it was hardly like this. If Felix notices your fumbling, he doesn't say anything, just sighs against your mouth, tilting your head up and kissing you deeper than you thought was possible. 

Your hands slide up from his shoulders to tangle in his hair, and he responds by kissing you harder, deeper. You’re so busy focusing on the way he’s trying to deepen the kiss that you barely register his thigh slipping higher between yours, starting to move again.

“O-Oh—” you let out against his mouth, hips lifting up against him instinctively and he whines — a high-pitched, needy sound against your lips.

He pulls away, breath coming in short gasps and his head drops down on your shoulder. For a moment you can only hear the sound of ragged breathing as his heart beats against you, his hands still roaming your sides, tracing every contour of your body.

“Shit,” he breathes into your shoulder. “You’re so… how…” and whatever thought he was having is cut off by the sound he lets out when you squirm a little and his body presses further against you.

“Careful,” he chokes out, “Careful, careful, please, oh my god—”

Despite his words, he keeps moving against you, the friction both too good and not enough. You're dizzy with how good it feels and you gasp when his mouth finds your neck again. 

Your hands are back in his hair, clinging to him, needing to grab onto something. “Felix,” you all but whine.

He groans against your neck, moving his head up to your cheek, before his lips find yours again. His grip tightens as he presses you further into the mattress, a whine escaping you as he nips at your bottom lip.

“Please,” he whispers against your mouth, a breath more than a word. “Please, I…” He kisses you again, licking into your mouth and groaning against your lips, “Please…”

You're not sure what he's asking for, but you'd give him everything if you could. You pull him closer with a tug on his hair, your bodies flush against each other, and even through the layers of clothes you can feel everything.

“Ah—” he whines, and his hips stutter against yours. “P-Please,” he repeats breathlessly as he presses his face back into your neck and his hands dig into your sides. “Please, you keep— making these sounds and looking like—” he gasps as his hips brush against you and he almost loses his train of thought. “And I don’t— I don’t think I can— last much longer…”

TV static. You're probably flatlining. “O-Oh my god,” you mumble, reeling at the thought of getting to see your best friend fall apart on top of you, that he’s actually on the verge of unraveling just from being with you like this; and then his mouth is back on yours, tongue sliding against yours.

“Felix,” you gasp against his mouth, “Felix—” your words break on a whine as his hips grind against you. He lets out a broken moan, like just the sound of his name on your lips is enough to do him in.

He’s shaking now, not so much kissing you as panting against your mouth. Not that you're faring any better. You feel so overwhelmed you think you’re going to cry, or break, or both; the feeling of his thigh against you and his chest pressed so closely to yours, it’s all too much. As he moans softly, the sound slowly rising in pitch, you feel something in your gut pull tighter and— Oh. Oh.

Everything goes white. For a moment, all you know is Felix: his body on yours, his skin under your hands, his scent, his sounds, his taste still on your tongue— all of him, and it’s all-encompassing. It's all so sudden and violent that all you can do is gasp and cling to him.

Once the feeling subsides you try to gather yourself, you open your eyes just enough to see Felix staring down at you, his pupils blown so wide they almost completely cover his irises.

“Fuck…” he breathes, sounding almost awed. “Did you— Did you just—” 

You're too enervated as you try to look at him, you swear you’re seeing double. He’s still breathing hard, his hands gripping you tightly against him. His mouth opens to say something else, but it’s quickly interrupted by a groan as his hips roll against you, like he can't help it, and he buries his face into your neck instead.

“Oh my god—” he moans into your skin. Suddenly his breath hitches and his hips press into your thigh more insistently. He lets out a needy whine, his words barely distinguishable. “F-Fuuuck, oh fuck—”

You feel the way his body jerks and trembles against you, breath coming in short pants that turn into pretty, high-pitched sounds — probably the prettiest sounds you've ever heard in your whole damn life — his breath hot on your neck, clinging to you, and oh, he’s shaking.

The moment seems to stretch on forever. Time literally slows with him shuddering on top of you until he finally collapses, burying his face in your shoulder.

Slowly, reality starts to sink in, your body becoming more aware of his body almost crushing you and his hands tracing idle patterns on your skin. Your mind gradually clears enough that your brain catches up to the situation you're in, and suddenly the room is so hot, every point of contact with Felix absolutely blistering.

That was so intense. And he wasn't even actually touching you. Holy shit. Fuck.

For a moment you’re both just left trying to catch your breath, until he slowly lifts his head, gazing down at you. He's looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky and it makes you feel so hot.

He blinks down at you for a second and seems to freeze. After a second he breathes, “Um… you look hot,” before his cheeks instantly turn an even deeper pink. “I mean, like.. uh… you look like you’re heated up or something... Like, your face is flushed. It’s— I mean—” he laughs awkwardly, stumbling over all his words.

Well. Sure. It's probably like two billion degrees in here, you think, and it’s really not helping that he’s still lying on top of you, his weight pinning you down.

“Um…” You're still so fuzzy and out of it. “You’re crushing me,” you state dumbly.

His reaction is immediate, moving to shift his weight off you. “Oh, s-sorry, I… sorry—”

No, wait, now you're cold. You reach out to stop him before he gets too far.

A tiny smile quirks on the corner of his lips as he notices you trying to hold onto him. With a breathless laugh he settles back over you, propping himself up on his forearms. “Better?”

How is he real. “Mhm.”

He’s so close, his face is so close to yours, and you realize you have made a grave error in keeping him on top of you. He’s always had an effect on you, but he’s never looked so mesmerizing as he does now with his messy hair and red cheeks, looking like he’s itching to reach out and touch you. It feels a bit like staring directly at the sun. Captivating, and dangerous.

“You, um…” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “Are you okay..?”

You blink. Okay doesn't quite cover it. You might have literally just witnessed the fifth dimension. You settle on a nod.

Felix nods too, a quick jerky movement, still watching you closely, with something akin to awe. You’re not sure what to make of it, or what to say, you just try to hold onto the moment for as long as possible.

He swallows, his eyes searching your face. Then his gaze drops down, and you realize that for the first time he left marks on you. And if you look anything like he does right now — Oh no.

Your eyes widen, hand flying up on its own accord, touching your neck, the skin tender and tingly.

“O-Oh,” he says, sucking in a small breath through his teeth as your fingers trace your neck. “I… Sorry. I didn't— uh…” His eyes dart between your neck and your face. “Did— Does it hurt?”

“Umm…” You’re not sure how to explain that yeah, it kinda hurts, but you also think it's extremely hot and you kind of really want him to do it again. 

A beat of silence stretches out while he waits for your answer, and you can see the anxiety building on his face. His eyes dart to your neck, to your face, and the longer you stay quiet the more worried he looks.

“I didn’t mean to,” he finally manages to say. “I’m sorry, I should’ve… asked, or…”

He looks so nervous, like he’s absolutely terrified that you’re going to be angry at him for leaving marks on you that you almost want to laugh. It’s endearing. He’s so cute and hot and perfect.

You do laugh, in spite of yourself, a small giggle bubbling from your throat. You immediately catch yourself and school your expression but it's too late. He looks at you a bit wildly. 

“What—? What’s funny?” he pouts, his voice coming out even higher-pitched than usual.

You bite your lip. “Nothing.”

His face gets so pink it’s practically glowing. “What,” he whines, lower lip pushed out in a proper pout now.

Another laugh bubbles out of you — you can’t help it when he’s being so cute. “Sorry,” you purse your lips. “I'm fine. I don't mind.”

His eyes go wide as he realizes that you’re not mad at him, and he lets out a long, shaky breath, shoulders dropping. 

“I swear to god,” he huffs, and he sounds so genuinely huffy and upset over the fact that you’re laughing at him that you can’t even stop yourself from giggling again.

“Do you think this is funny?” he grumbles, shifting his weight a bit over you. “You’re so rude. That was, like… payback, you know. Now we're even. Actually…”

He suddenly dips his head down, lips ghosting over the skin of your neck. “Don’t,” you laugh, squirming under him. “It tickles!”

“Good,” he grins against your skin. “That's what you get for laughing at me.”

He moves down, licking a hot stripe across your collarbone. “Oh my god, stop—” 

“No,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss right where your pulse is fluttering under your skin. “You’re rude and I’m not done yet, so stay still.”

“Felix—”

His mouth is warm and he’s pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses on every part of your skin he can reach. He sucks and tugs, his teeth scraping over the sensitive skin and you let out a gasp. You try to wriggle out from under him but he’s holding you down, his body flush against yours and his arms caging you in. “Fu-uck, Felix..!”

"Stay. Still,” he huffs, nipping gently at the skin. You shiver and he lets out a soft breath, a shudder of a laugh against your skin. He moves again, his lips working their way down your neck and you give in and close your eyes.

He’s being gentle now, you can barely feel his lips as they brush your skin. But then he suddenly sucks softly at the dip between your collarbone and you can’t help the little sound that escapes you.

You feel him grin against your skin. “There. Now we're even.” he says smugly, pulling away.

You blink your eyes open blearily. Payback, huh? Okay. You guess you probably deserved that. 

Still. “You’re such a dick,” you mutter.

His eyes are wide and full of faux innocence as he looks down at you, looking awfully pleased with himself. He grins proudly, and you can see little marks on his neck, too, red and angry-looking and…

Felix's expression changes as he looks down at you, the smugness slowly fading to be replaced with something softer. He’s quiet as he gazes down at you, taking in every detail of your face, his eyes roaming every inch. It feels like he’s trying to sear the image into his memory.

His hand comes up to brush some of your hair out of your face, fingertips gently tracing your features. His gaze is intense, his fingers are gentle, and suddenly it’s hard to think straight.

He swallows and you can see him struggling with himself, like he’s struggling to say something.

“Um…”

He takes a careful breath as his eyes wander over your face, taking all of you in. His gaze lands on your mouth and stays there, watching intently, his tongue slowly swiping across his bottom lip.

“We… I mean— you didn't, like, really actually need practice kissing right, or was that like—? Like actually science..?”

“What?”

His gaze darts back up to your eyes, cheeks tinged with pink. “What?” he parrots, voice slightly higher pitched than usual.

What the hell is he asking? Of course you didn’t need practice. Right? You’re pretty sure you know how to kiss already. At least, you think so. God, what if you’re not even a decent kisser and he was too nice to tell you.

“Felix,” you say slowly, figuring it's best to be direct. “What the hell are you talking about?”

His cheeks are already burning, you can see the redness spreading from his face to his neck and down his chest. “I don’t know,” he stammers, looking away. “I was just… wondering. If it was just for fun or if it… like…”

He’s still not looking at you, and you’re so confused. “What…?” you repeat.

“Um, well,” he mumbles, somehow blushing even further. “I was… uh, wondering…” He finally glances at you. “Like… you know… if it meant something—” He freezes mid sentence and closes his eyes, like he’s bracing for impact.

…Of course it meant something. It was everything. But Felix— he’d never feel that way about you. He couldn’t. He already told you he doesn't.

Just for fun? You kind of want to laugh and cry and take his stupid face in your hands and shake some sense into him. What is he even trying to say?

You're too busy having a mental breakdown and Felix finally meets your gaze again, biting his lip. “Forget I said that,” he sighs. “I’m an idiot, just ignore me, please.”

After a silent moment of staring at each other, he awkwardly clears his throat, sitting up on his elbows and pulling back slightly.

“It doesn’t matter,” he blurts, his cheeks flushed and eyes avoiding yours. “Nevermind! We, uhhh, should I move? I should move.” You can feel the way he’s shivering slightly, his voice trembling from the exertion.

He pulls back, shifting to get up, but you grab his arm, holding him in place. “Felix,” you rasp out, not even sure what you want to say but knowing you have to say something.

He freezes, staring at the way you’re gripping his arm, eyes still refusing to meet yours. His shoulders are tensed, tight like a coiled spring.

For a minute the only sounds in the room are your uneven breaths, the words hanging in the air between you. Then his voice breaks the silence, barely a mumble. “Just forget I said anything,” and then he's pulling his arm out of your grasp and moving to get off the bed.

No, no, no no no. Without letting yourself think too much you grab his wrist, pulling him back down to you. He lands on top of you with a startled gasp. “What—”

“Felix—” You don’t know what else to say. Your head is still fuzzy and your body is still buzzing and the only thing you can think about is him but words are not forming.

He swallows. “Y-Yeah?” he says, breathless.

Your hands are shaking and you shove them into his hair, pulling his head down until your foreheads collide only a little painfully.

“Mmph— hey—” he starts, but the word is swallowed up by a groan when you tighten your fingers in his hair. Your head is still spinning but finally, finally, finally your mind comes up with words that aren't just his name.

“You're an idiot.” Good start. “It wasn't just for fun. Are you seriously— Science? I thought that was just— Like, what the hell does that even mean—” you sputter.

His eyes are so wide, the brown of them almost completely swallowed by his pupils.  “It wasn't…?”

“You moron,” you groan. “I actually hate you so much.”

He laughs, breathless and shaky. “You hate me?” he asks, a slight whine to his voice.

“Yes,” you mutter. “Please tell me what the fuck kind of science you think I was trying to do.”

His chest is heaving, heart hammering against your own. “I-I don’t know,” he stutters, looking so adorably dazed you want to laugh. “Don’t— don’t look at me like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” he says, cheeks burning. “Your face is really close to mine right now, and— I’m trying—”

“Trying…?” you whisper, eyes flicking to his mouth. Why are his lips so pretty. You just want to pull him down and kiss him and kiss him and—

He licks his lips. “Trying…” Then he groans, “Ugh, shut up. I'm embarrassed.”

You breathe out a laugh and he pouts at you. “Stop,” he whines. “I'm, uh…” he says, blinking. “We… need to shower. Or something.”

Your face heats up. “What?”

“Shower,” he repeats in a strangled voice. “Like— oh, oh my god, like separately. Not— not together, obviously.” His cheeks are already turning a deeper shade of red, and you have to bite your tongue to keep from laughing.

“I know that,” you whisper.

“Good. Yeah,” he mumbles. “Because it would be really weird if we—” He cuts himself off, biting his lip. “Anyway,” he says loudly. “I’m getting up now.”

He slowly pushes himself up into a seated position. He’s blushing so bad, his face so red you can practically feel the heat emanating from his skin, and still staring at you, blinking like he can’t quite believe what just happened. After a long moment he seems to shake himself out of the daze and blinks again. “So, um. I’m just— You can go first if you want.”

“Yeah.” You’re still a little dizzy but you manage to sit up. “Sure.”

“Cool,” he says eloquently before scrambling off the bed and turning to rummage through a few drawers.

After a moment he seems to find what he’s looking for and turns back, holding out a stack of clothes to you.

“Here. This will, um. Probably fit.”

You mutter a thanks, sliding off the bed and taking the clothes he’s holding out for you. “Um… I’ll be quick,” you say lamely, and he nods, almost a robotic jerk of his head.

You stumble to the bathroom, shutting the door behind you and taking a moment to collect yourself.

It takes everything in you not to scream when you glance in the mirror — You look crazy. Even in the dim bathroom lighting it’s obvious. You let out a quiet exhale, pressing your fingers against the marks and wincing at the twinge of pain.

Well… you suppose that's fair payback. Still, you're not sure if that's really all it was. You kind of feel like an idiot because what if the moment has passed now and it's too late to bring it up and, like, actually talk about it and Felix tries going back to being normal friends again.

He wouldn't do that. Right?

You're not any more sure of what to do when you step out of the bathroom ten minutes later, but at least you feel refreshed.

Felix is sitting on the edge of the bed when you reenter his room, staring at his phone with a funny expression. His head jerks up at the sound of the door opening and he shoves his phone away, sitting up straight.

He all but bolts off the bed when you step into the room, standing up so fast you would've missed it in a blink. He’s blushing furiously, face so red it’s almost concerning.

“You’re… done,” he says after a moment. “Right.”

He’s fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, avoiding your gaze. You blink at him, but he’s pointedly not looking at you. “Uh, yeah.”

“Cool,” he responds, his voice high and stilted. You give him a skeptical look and he finally glances at your face, swallowing when he sees you looking at him.

His expression makes your heart sink slightly; a part of you has already begun to feel resigned, wondering if he’s going to tell you it was actually just a mistake and you should forget about it. The thought makes your insides twist uncomfortably.

“I, uh. I guess I’ll…” he starts, his eyes darting around the room. “Uhh, you should check your phone? Or don't. Actually, maybe don't.”

“...What?”

“Just… nothing,” he says unconvincingly. “Just check your phone. I mean— It’s not important, it’s fine.”

“Okay…?” you say, starting to reach for your phone.

Felix looks vaguely panicked. “Wait, not now, uhh—” 

His strange behavior would be funny if you weren’t just so confused. “What are you being so weird for?”

He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. “I’m not— I’m not being weird,” he protests, even as his ears keep turning redder. “I’m fine, just— check your phone when I'm not here!”

“Felix.” You give him a dubious look, even as he’s practically vibrating with how badly he's pretending to be casual. “What did you do.”

His eyes go wide. “What? Nothing! I didn’t do anything.” He stands there for a moment, swaying slightly, looking so flustered that you can’t help but laugh a little at the absurdity of the situation. He catches your expression and splutters indignantly. “Don’t laugh!”

With a huff he turns on his heel and practically flees into the bathroom, leaving you standing in the middle of the room, completely dumbfounded. What the hell.

After a moment of just standing there and staring at the floor hopelessly, you finally give up and collapse into the bed.

He’s being so weird. You just don’t know what to make of all of this. Was it just a mistake or… Did he mean it? Do friends seriously… do that kind of stuff? And stay friends?

You’re tempted to not check your phone, just to spite him, but after a few minutes of stewing in your thoughts you can’t wait it out. You get up and grab your phone from the desk, your heart picking up when you see an alarming number of notifications.

Most of them are messages Felix must have sent after you left to shower. You click into the chat hesitantly.

You have to admit it’s a little cute.

It makes you want to walk over to the bathroom and let him know he’s being an idiot, but you manage to resist the urge and keep reading.

You’ve been biting down your lip to keep from laughing as you read through the messages, and you have to cover your mouth to muffle a laugh as you get to the end. He’s such an idiot. And he’s cute as hell.

Seriously, are you dreaming? Did he mean it? It kind of sounds like he means it. He likes you? He’s panicking for nothing, really, you feel the same way, but it’s endearing how hard he’s trying to be chill while still obviously desperate for an answer. 

Before you get the chance to pinch yourself you hear the shower shutting off and your heart rate skyrockets.

You immediately drop the phone, covering your face with your hands. He's about to walk out of the bathroom any second now and you’re going to have to actually talk to him, and you don’t know how.

Sure, you want to talk to him, but the thought kind of also makes you want to throw up. You're only, like, eighty percent sure he wasn't joking. That's not enough.

There’s a moment of silence as you wait, wondering if it would be better to just turn your phone off and pretend it was dead so you couldn't read the messages. But before you can decide, the door creaks open and Felix reappears, hair damp.

He opens his mouth, closes it, shuffles his feet, opens his mouth again. “I, uh—”

You can’t help it — even though you’re nervous as hell too, the way he’s standing there looking like he’s in some sort of crisis is too adorable. You should probably put him out of his misery, but you’re also kind of enjoying seeing him like this. Just a little.

“You good?” you ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

“...Huh?”

“You’re looking a little stressed.”

“I’m totally fine,” he protests hotly, but his voice cracks just a little. He looks away, ears turning pink, and he clears his throat before making his way over to the bed.

He plops down on the edge of the bed next to you and stares at the floor, tense.

It’s strange to see him looking so nervous, knowing he is the confident one, the one who initiated this, started this whole thing — and now he’s staring at the floor like he’s bracing for a blow.

You feel a little bad, but the look on his face is too cute, and you’re too overwhelmed by the realization that he must really do like you. What the fuck? At least, he's acting incredibly suspicious.

For a long moment the two of you just sit there. You feel like you might wake up from a dream at any second, while Felix seems to be struggling to say something, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, his hands fisted in the comforter.

And you have to admit that this situation is kind of hilarious, because never in a million years would you have guessed that Felix would be the one to act like this out of the two of you. 

Finally, you can’t hold it in anymore and you struggle to stifle a laugh. 

He shoots you a betrayed look, clearly offended that you’re laughing at his distress. “Why are you laughing?”

You keep trying to hold back your amusement, but your attempts fail and you keep having to cover your mouth to stifle your giggling. Felix looks increasingly more outraged that you’re laughing at his plight, his face turning a deeper and deeper shade of red as he stares at you.

“This is not funny,” he pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It kind of is,” you say, hiding your mouth with one hand. “You were being so cool before, what happened?”

“Shut up. I'm still cool,” he protests, puffing his cheeks out and turning away, refusing to look at you. “You’re making fun of me.”

“Nooo,” you insist, holding back another laugh. “I’m not.”

“Oh my god,” he mutters, almost to himself. “I’m actually going to die right now. I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die,” you say, feeling a little bad seeing the look of defeat on his face. “Calm down.”

“I am calm,” he grumbles, even though he clearly isn't. He glances at you and quickly looks away again, his cheeks flushed. “You’re making it worse.” 

“Sorry,” you say softly, putting your hand on his arm. “I'm not trying to make fun of you.”

“Liar,” he mutters, but he doesn’t shake your hand off. After a moment he seems to untense slightly, and he lets out a shaky sigh.

He finally looks at you and swallows, his eyes flickering across your face. “So… um.”

His eyes keep darting away and then back to your face again, like he wants to look at you but is afraid of getting caught staring. It’s kind of adorable to see him looking so self-conscious.

“Are we gonna talk about this?” he asks, forcing out the words.

“About… what?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Uh… yeah. Um…” 

Now that it's come down to it, your heart is racing again. He keeps looking at you, then away, then back again. Each time his gaze is on you, you get a glimpse of his expression and it makes your breath catch in your throat. 

There's nothing to worry about. He said he likes you. Yeah, hypothetically. No one ever means that literally. And look at how he's acting. But he didn't say outright that he likes you. You don't know what to do.

You clear your throat. “Is… there much to say? You already said a lot. Really spammed my phone.”

He flushes more and makes a strangled sound somewhere between a whine and a laugh, his hands going to his face.

“Sorry,” he mutters through his fingers. “I was freaking out.” He lowers his hands just enough to peer at you. “I didn’t... I didn’t say anything super embarrassing, did I?”

“It was funny,” you tell him. “You were being really stupid.”

He lifts his head enough to glare at you. “Thanks.”

“No, but like— in a cute way,” you add quickly, watching as his expression shifts.

“I wasn’t being cute,” he mutters, though he seems a little less embarrassed.

“No, I’d say you were being cute.”

He’s definitely still blushing, avoiding eye contact. “I was not,” he says, petulant.

Then you decide, fuck it, and lean over real quick, watching his eyes widen before you press a quick kiss on his cheek, right by the corner of his mouth.

He gasps immediately when your lips brush his skin, his blush immediately worsens and you watch it spread down his neck. He makes an indignant sound, his hand flying to his cheek where you had kissed him, and he looks at you in shock.

“S-See?” you stutter, turning your head away quickly to hide your own warm cheeks. “Um… cute.”

A moment passes as he just gawks at you, his face still bright red. His hand is still on his cheek, his mouth open in bewilderment.

And then his brain seems to restart, and he lets out a huff, finally dropping his hand. “Damn,” he mutters. “Damn…”

He’s still blushing furiously, and every time he looks at you, his eyes get all wide. You giggle a little and he shoots you a withering glare. 

“You’re being mean,” he whines. “This is cruel. I’m going to die and you're laughing at me.”

You bite your tongue. “Sorry.”

He glares at you again, though it's lost any real heat, before he relents and drags a hand over his face with a groan. He sits there for a moment longer, staring at the wall like he’s trying to make sense of everything. “So…” he says slowly. “Does that… what does that mean?”

There's a certain weight to the question. You take a moment to collect yourself. You feel lightheaded, your heart beating so loud you wonder if he can hear it.

“What do you mean?” you ask, trying to keep your tone casual.

He turns to look at you, still red in the face. “You just kissed me,” he points out. “What does that mean?”

You try to keep your expression carefully neutral, but you can feel your own cheeks heating up just as intensely. “I mean,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t sound as nervous as you feel. “I guess… theoretically… it would mean… I, um… like you..?”

He freezes, just staring at you for a long moment with wide eyes. “You…”

He seems to be making an effort to look casual, but his body language betrays him, his arms crossed over his chest, his foot tapping against the floor anxiously.

His eyes roam around, seeming to look everywhere but at you, before finally landing on your face again. “Theoretically… you like me?” he repeats after a moment, his voice still sounding faintly disbelieving.

The way he’s looking at you, it’s almost too much. You’re so flustered you can barely see straight, and you feel like your heart is going to beat right out of your chest.

“I guess...” you say, trying to keep your tone light even though you're pretty sure you're shaking. “...Yeah?”

He’s speechless, staring at you in shocked silence for what seems like a very long time. His mouth is opening and closing in a manner that would be funny if you weren’t completely freaking out yourself.

It takes a minute for him to react, blinking rapidly. “You…” he repeats, but it comes out breathless, like he’s still in shock. “You like me? Like, as in…”

His voice is so disbelieving that you’re starting to second guess yourself. “I… hypothetically,” you mutter, feeling silly for still using that as a crutch. 

“Hypothetically,” he echoes. His lips curl into a tentative smile. “You’re not… joking?” he asks carefully. “This isn’t some kind of… I don’t know. You’re not messing around?”

“Did you mean everything you said?” you ask, feeling a pang of uncertainty. 

He looks startled to be put on the spot, and he stutters for a moment before responding. “Yes. I— Of course,” he says earnestly. “I was just afraid you wouldn't…”

He trails off, eyes darting away from you for a moment before focusing back on your face. He takes a breath and his lips turn up in a bashful smile. 

"So… what does this mean?" he asks, shifting to face you fully. His eyes search yours for an answer, a hopeful look in them.

“Are we…” you swallow, feeling nauseous and giddy all at once. “Should we be, like… dating… theoretically?”

Felix looks incredibly flustered as he stares back at you, looking absolutely bewildered, like the thought had never even crossed his mind until this moment.

“Dating…” he mumbles incredulously. “Dating… holy shit… You… you want to…?” he asks haltingly, his eyes fixed on yours. 

His reaction makes you feel a little self conscious, wondering if somehow you’ve misread the situation entirely. You bite your cheek. “Maybe?” you say faintly. 

You can almost see his mind spinning, processing this sudden development. He seems completely dumbfounded, blinking rapidly like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

After what seems like an eternity of stunned silence, he finally finds his voice again. “Like… for real?”

“I mean…” you say awkwardly, feeling very exposed right now. “I… yeah? If you want…? It makes sense, right? Theoretically?”

He lets out a breath, his eyes wide. “I... Yeah. That makes sense. Uh, I…” He's still staring at you like he can’t quite believe you're actually real. “Am I dreaming?” His expression is so earnest, like he’s afraid you might vanish at any second.

You huff out a laugh. “Need me to pinch you?”

He lets out a sound that's somewhere between a laugh and a whine. “Maybe.”

You reach out and pinch his arm gently but firmly.

“Ow,” he complains. 

“You're the one who wanted it.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to do it so hard.” He rubs his arm, giving you a half-hearted glare. His cheeks are still red, and there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. He looks incredibly cute right now. “You didn’t say you were going to maim me.”

You roll your eyes. “My apologies, your highness.”

He sticks his tongue out at you, still massaging his arm. 

You can't help but laugh a little. He grins at you, his eyes crinkling up at the sides. He looks a little less stunned now, and the sight of his smile manages to calm your racing heartbeat a little bit. 

"So…" he says after a moment, still looking at you intently. “So… we’re actually doing this?” he asks, his voice still a little hesitant. “You and me?”

Three words have never felt so heavy. Your heart feels like it's jumping into your throat, your blood thrumming in your ears. This is actually real.

You nod slowly, words suddenly a little tricky to find. “You and me," you manage, a little breathlessly.

His answering smile is wide and dazzling, and it makes your heart do a little flip.

“Damn,” he says, a small huff of a laugh slipping past his lips as he shakes his head in disbelief. “I didn’t think things would turn out this way.” He looks genuinely awed, like he still can’t believe you’ve actually agreed to this, his eyes wide and shining. He reaches out and gingerly takes one of your hands in his, intertwining his fingers with yours.

It's strange. You've held hands before, but somehow the small action has you blushing harder than anything else you've done with him.

He’s staring so intently at your hands together, a small smile on his lips. He lets out a laugh, then looks up at you. “Is this weird?” he asks, a playful lilt to his voice.

You manage a shaky laugh, trying to calm your nerves. “A little,” you admit.

A soft, amused huff leaves his lips, before his smile turns more mischievous. Suddenly, he tugs on your hand to pull you towards him.

You let out a startled yelp, losing your balance and toppling forward on top of him. You catch yourself before you fully collide with him, forearms bracing against the bed as you find yourself inches away from Felix’s face. His hands immediately go to your waist, steadying you.

“Hey,” he says, smiling up at you. He reaches out to brush a strand of hair out of your face, his touch warm and soft. You feel your face getting hotter, the proximity to him making it hard to think straight.

“You’re blushing,” he points out teasingly.

“Yeah, well,” you say, your heart thundering in your chest. “You did that on purpose.”

He grins. “Maybe.”

His gaze just wanders over your face for a moment before he suddenly pulls your head down and presses a kiss to your forehead. Then your cheek. He’s kissing you all over your face, his breath warm on your skin. “You’re so pretty,” he whispers, and he’s just so— 

“That's you,” you mutter, your breath hitching as he brushes over a sensitive spot near your jaw, and he grins.

“Mmm... You think I'm pretty?”

Idiot. You want to punch him so bad — how could anyone not think that — but his mouth finds yours again, his hand moving up to your chest to feel the fluttering of your heart against his palm. He kisses you slow and deep, as if trying to memorize the feel of you.

Eventually he pulls back, breathing hard. His eyes are unfocused and you can see the pulse beating fast in the hollow of this throat.

“Wow,” he whispers. “Wow, I like you so much.”

You squeeze your eyes shut before you literally start swooning. “Uh… cool,” you mutter. You know, like an idiot.

“Cool?” he repeats, amused. “Really?”

“Shut up.”

He lets out a huff. “You’re so smooth,” he teases, a smile in his voice. “But you still haven’t said it back.”

You open your eyes to find him looking at you expectantly, an exaggerated pout on his lips. “How am I supposed to know your feelings, hm? You're killing me here.”

“You're so fucking cheesy,” you complain. “I already said it.”

He hums, a wounded look on his face. “Yeah, hypothetically or something. As if that means shit. You’re gonna wither my heart here. Just gonna leave me wondering if—”

“I like you too,” you blurt out, words tripping over each other in your haste to get them out. “Obviously.”

His eyes widen and he stares up at you, mouth hanging open in a little ‘o’. For a moment it almost seems like he’s speechless, but then, slowly, a grin spreads across his face and he laughs.

“Yeah? You do?” he asks, the look in his eyes clearly fishing for more. “How much?”

“I'll fucking kill you,” you mutter, but you’re sure the heat in your face diminishes any vehemence.

“Ouch,” he says, laughing again. “You’d kill your new boyfriend?”

Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. You falter before managing to stammer out, “U-Um, boyfriend…” 

He laughs and pulls you down to him again. You let out a squeak of surprise this time as you fall onto his chest, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer.

“Yeah,” he says, voice laced with a teasing lilt. “Boyfriend. You’re stuck with me now.”

You bite your lip. “I'll uh…” you mumble into his chest. “I'll think about moving in. Like, actually.”

His arms tighten around you at the words, and he lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah?” he asks, the excitement evident in his tone. “You’d… really? For real?”

“Maybe,” you say, your voice just a little shaky. “I might.”

He laughs, his chest vibrating underneath you as he hugs you even tighter. “No take backs.”

He nuzzles further into you, resting his cheek against the top of your head, apparently not minding your still damp hair. You feel his hand start rubbing circles against your back. You shiver a little, his touch sending a little thrill through you.

It feels so… domestic. Being in his arms like this. This easy, comfortable intimacy that used to be so foreign to you. You never thought you’d get to have this.

After a few minutes of calm silence, Felix speaks again. “What do we like… do?”

“Um…” you laugh a bit. “I don't know? I thought you would know.”

“Me? I mean… It's just weird because we've been friends, like, forever.”

He's right. The boundaries feel a bit blurry now. You lift your head a little to look up at him. His eyes are a little unfocused, his gaze roaming around the room as he thinks.

“I— I can’t believe I’m dating my best friend. That's so cliché,” he says, before pausing. “I mean… We're still friends, right? That doesn’t like… change?”

“I… yeah..?” You think you'd rather die than lose him as a friend. “We'll always be friends.”

To emphasize your point, you reach up and flick his forehead gently.

“Dude!” he complains, rubbing his forehead. “What was that for?”

“You’re being stupid,” you tell him. “If we're not gonna still be friends then I don't wanna do this at all.”

“You're still violent,” he mutters, pouting a little before smiling. “Okay, okay, okay. Friends forever.”

—

(Later…)

“We should go on a date.”

You almost completely trip and fall over on your way to the couch in the living room, but manage to catch yourself. “A date?”

“Yeah,” Felix says, looking a little sheepish. “Like, out somewhere. Fancy dinner. Candlelight. The whole thing.”

You don't know why it surprised you so much. Of course couples go on dates. Still, you raise an eyebrow at him. “The whole thing,” you repeat, a hint of disbelief in your voice.

He pouts at you. “Come on. I’m trying to be romantic here. Work with me.”

With a sigh, you sit next to him and look sideways at him. “I can’t believe you’re serious. Candlelight—”

“Hey.” He straightens up, a determined look on his face. “I am serious. It’s gonna be romantic and sweet and amazing and you’re going to fall deeply in love with me and—”

You roll your eyes at his words, unable to hold back a smile. “Is that so, Casanova?”

His ears flush a bit, but he doesn’t back down. “Yeah. I’ll have you know I’ve charmed plenty of people this way.”

You roll your eyes again, still smiling. 

“And then after I make you swoon with my unstoppable rizz and devilish good looks, we’ll… make out in the back of my car?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

Your face flushes red at the suggestion, but you quickly try to compose yourself. “Yeah, right. I'm not even special, huh? You do that with everyone?”

Felix laughs, his eyes glittering with amusement. “No! No,” he protests, shaking his head quickly.

He reaches out to grab your hand, his touch warm and gentle. He interlaces your fingers together, holding your hand gently but firmly in his.

“No, it’s just you,” he says, an earnest look on his face. “I promise. Just you.”

The sincerity in his voice has your heart fluttering in your chest, and you can feel your cheeks flushing a little again. You look down at your hands together, feeling a strange sort of vulnerability.

“Well,” you say, clearing your throat. “I think you've been watching too many cheesy rom coms.”

He laughs. “Maybe,” he says, shrugging. “But it’s a good plan, right?”

You roll your eyes at him, but you can’t help but feel affection bloom in your chest. This is what you missed. The easy banter, the playful teasing. 

“Yeah, sure,” you say. “Very suave. Charm my pants off in an expensive restaurant. You should show up with a boombox while you're at it.”

Felix grins at that. “Hell yeah.”

You're suddenly startled by the sound of the front door unlocking. You let go of Felix's hand but you barely get a second to think before the door is swinging open and a boisterous voice bursts through the room.

“Yooo, Felix you in? Minho kicked me out cus apparently studying is important and I don't get anything done over there but I—”

You and Felix turn to face Jisung, who cuts off when he sees you together. His mouth drops open in a small ‘o’ and his eyes narrow as they flick back and forth between the two of you curiously.

You blink a few times, wondering what his deal is until — Oh shit. You quickly slap your hand over your neck but it's too late.

“Oh. Dude. No fucking way,” Jisung grins, looking absolutely gleeful. “Innie totally owes me twenty bucks.”

You and Felix exchange horrified looks. “What?!”

—

a/n: so.... what started as a silly one shot scenario quickly devolved into a 30k+ long series LMAO.. honestly, i never would have written as much as i did if not for yall loving it sm. thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support, i never ever could have dreamed it! i hope this was enjoyable and a satisfying resolution (^—^) plss lmk what you thought!

thank you SO MUCH for reading 🫶🩷💕

[readingiskeepingmegoing]

Chapter Word Count: 27.3k

Kicking feet and giggling! This was a beast, and it was such a pleasure to devour.

I reacted on instinct, determined to keep her safe as I threw myself at him. I had never in my life wanted to cause anyone bodily harm, but at that moment I was out for blood.

Eeeeeeep! Protective Dieter mode activated 👀

I never would have imagined Dieter was capable of such a reaction, but it made me realize the lengths he would go to in order to protect those he cares about. The crazed look in his eyes probably should have scared me, but it didn’t. All I could think of doing was protecting him.

This right here is why they are absolutely perfect for each other. Their instinct in this moment was to protect one another.

His eyes were pooling with tears as his jaw flexed under my hands. He looked broken. It was almost enough to shatter the facade I was trying so hard to maintain for his sake.

Oh! He was scared that she wouldn't want him anymore 🥺 I feel like there was childhood stuff triggered by this for him .

I needed time to myself to feel it and work through it. I didn’t want Dieter to see me like that. I worried it would be too much for him.

She should have gone home with him. I think they both needed it.

Dieter: I’m totally going to be a needy bitch and ask if I can call you before I fall asleep? Please. 🥺

He's such a sweetheart. I love that he called himself a needy bitch, it's such a Dieter thing to say.

He grabbed it, placing a small kiss on her little toe beans before murmuring a quiet, “Sorry, baby girl” into the fur on the top of her head.

I can't even with this. That's way too cute 😍

Joe moved to speak but I cut him off by holding up my hand, “I’m not done. My other request is that you both stop your fucking meddling. This is partially your fault too. You were trying your hardest to manufacturer drama for this season and you fucking got it. You wanted your cast romance, now you got that with Alec and Lana…so leave us alone.”

You tell 'em Kat!

“This week we have you two doing the Argentine Tango to the song You Put A Spell On Me.”

This song! Good Lawd

“So…,” he finally said with a look of confusion, “Do they just want us to have sex on the dance floor? Because I feel like they want us to have sex on the dance floor. They’re just asking for it at this point…Which is not very family friendly of them...”

He is definitely not wrong! That song with that dance?

I snickered, “Based on your lack of a reaction, I take it this isn’t the first time she’s done that.” He laughed and shook his head, “Nope. She’s a nosey little shit and thinks any sort of protein is for her. Especially chicken.”

I'm envisioning Pirate Dieter with a cat on his shoulder instead of a parrot.

He sighed, “You’re probably gonna think I’m nuts…but…I don’t want this thing between us to just be about sex. I wanna spend time with you…get to know you…connect in other ways. You know what I mean? You’re too important to me for it to turn into that. I’m still learning how to do this relationship thing and I wanna do it right.”

Kat, marry that man! Right now, this very instant. You'll never find another like him!

I watched him dig around in another drawer and pull out a hairbrush. It sort of shocked me when he moved to stand at my back and began running it through my hair, completely neglecting the toothbrush that was hanging from his mouth. After sitting the hairbrush down, his fingers got to work, struggling a bit at first, but eventually working the strands into a simple braid. Once he got to the bottom, he reached for my wrist with his free hand and pulled the hair tie off it to twist around the end of the braid. I watched in the mirror as he stood back and rather smugly admired his handy work as he began to brush his teeth.

“Oh no, fucking is definitely still part of my cardio routine…though I don’t believe I’ve fucked you properly yet. I’ve taken a more…sensual approach so far…which I’ve found I actually kind of prefer.”

Good Lawd, I'm gonna need a cold shower followed by the ice bucket challenge 🥵🥵🥵

If this was going to be my new normal, I knew I could die a happy man.

He has his family 🥹

The pressure was getting to me. I sighed before blurting out in a rush, “Ok fine we had sex.”

🤣🤣🤣

“I felt…happy. I would give anything to have all my mornings be like that…and my nights. Being with her makes me feel…alive…and complete.”

This made me choke up, he's finally finding everything he needs and deserves in Kat.

I shook my head, “I mean, I went off on my dad a few times…but that’s it. I’m not a violent person.” She nodded, “I know you’re not…which is why I’m concerned about how that incident affected you. Did it trigger any type of trauma response?” I can’t fucking do this. “Can we just not go there today? I’m having a good day. I don’t wanna ruin it…”

I can feel the angst and trauma is on it's way. What has the poor man been through?

“Fuck yes. Sing, play your guitar…hell, I’d settle for watching you re-pot a plant…get creative like I know you can be.

A Dieter Bravo gardening series! I don't shit about plants but I would devour that.

My nonsense started when Kat left the room for a quick bathroom break. I put on the long flowy wrap skirt with a Velcro closure that she was using to rehearse in. When she returned, she was greeted by me swishing around the room. I briefly paused, giving her a dainty curtsy complete with a raised pinky, which caused her to wheeze in laughter.

The gaping hole that I had felt in my heart for most of my life now seemed nonexistent and it was because of her. I no longer felt like I was lost. I was home.

I'm not crying, I'm not, I swear I'm not

*I'm lying.

There was no question about it, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I wanted it to start now. However, I knew that was my impulsive nature talking. I needed to take this slow and continue to follow her lead. If this was going to work, it needed to be on her timeline, not mine.

This is such growth from Dieter. In the past he would have had the two of them on the first flight to Vegas to stand in front of an Elvis impersonator.

Even Zee seemed to be moping around, lacking her usual enthusiasm for dinner and play time.

Awwwww, Zee is missing her mama 😿

She sighed dramatically, “Yes, sir. Whatever you say.” I groaned, “Please don’t talk like that or else I’m gonna get hard.”

I feel like Kat is going to have fun with that 😆

Zee joined her almost immediately and snuggled into her side so that I could tuck them both in. I sat on the edge of the bed, pushing a few loose strands of hair back as she smiled up at me.

This is too adorable, I can barely stand it. I love it so much!

I shrugged, “I think the spray tan lady gave me better abs. They were there this morning.”

🤣

That hype song choice 🤣

The robe fell open as I sunk down into the chair, slouching with my legs spread wide - giving her an eye full of little Bravo who was now at full attention and dying to come out to play.

Sweet mercy, I need another cold shower!!

I suddenly understood why some men would risk life and limb for their significant other. If this is how they were made to feel, then I couldn’t blame them. I’d do anything for her.

Oh! 🥹

She caressed my jaw with a smirk, “Did you know what you were doing to me in New York, with the foot rub?” I snickered, hiding my face in the curve of her neck, “I’m aware that some people can have an orgasm from a foot massage. I had a thing with a massage therapist once and he taught me how to do it. It wasn’t intentional…initially…but then you didn’t stop me, so I just went with it…”

🤣🤣

There were still people milling around in the hallway. Most seemed oblivious to the activities that had just taken place on the other side of the door, except for Anika, who was standing across the hall chatting with one of the other professional dancers. They were both watching us with odd expressions as we exited my dressing room. I couldn’t help wondering if they heard something. 

Oh, I think Anika know exactly what was going in, she's probably quite jealous too.

Anyway...so did the Alec thing go down like you thought it would? Are we super pissed at Kat for the way she is handling it? Or do we support her plan of rubbing it all in Alec's face? Trust me when I say he's got more coming to him.

I think Kat is handling this perfectly. She has all the power in this situation. She could get him kicked off the show, she could go to the police. He keeps his job and his liberty only if she chooses that he does.

We got a lot of domestic Dieter and Kat (and Zee 🐈‍⬛) this chapter. How do we think each of them is handling things so far? Our poor guy is trying really hard and being super sweet. I want to cuddle him.

Domestic Dieter gives me the warm and fuzzies. He is so intent on making Kat feel comfortable with him, it's super attractive.

We got some new tidbits of information on Dieter during his therapy session. We will get the full story next chapter. Any theories?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there was violence in Dieter's childhood, and possibly not only there. He was really quite triggered, the poor love.

Y'all ready for some Instagram Lives? Neither is Dieter. Doesn't mean he won't suddenly be inspired to give it a try a couple of chapters from now though. You'll probably need a tissue for that. 😬

Bring it on! I have my emotional support Grogu and comfy blankie on standby.

How do we feel about his agent wanting to use Kat for publicity? Did Dieter make the right call on that?

Dieter's agent is an ass for even suggesting it. Dieter absolutely made the right call. Kat is the love of his life, not a tool to raise his profile.

And lastly...sexy time in the dressing room. These two are something else. How long until they are open about their relationship do you think? Can we also take a minute to appreciate Dieter taking charge and showing Kat a little something new? 😂

Closed Position: Week 6 (Argentine Tango)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 27.3k (I know, I'm sorry!)

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence (not by or toward Dieter), past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

👉 Chapter Warnings: Dieter and Kat both being a menace, improper use of a dressing room, smut, fluff, and physical assault (Alec is a dick)

Chapter Quote: “Can’t have you gettin’ confused and grabbing the wrong erection.”

Dieter’s POV

I was still riding high from our perfect score as I sat in the chair staring at my reflection in the vanity mirror. I shouldn’t have been shocked given how perfectly in sync Kat and I were during the performance, but I was. I never thought I would find myself in this position - happily sober, having the high score on a dance competition TV show, and completely in love with my dance partner. The thought of it was blowing my mind. There was only one explanation for it, to put it simply, it was Kat. Her unyielding faith was all it took to help me see myself in a different light. She made me realize that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for and I’m actually not a shitty person. She gave me the courage to be a better version of myself and have the things I didn’t think I was worthy of. 

My attention was drawn from my thoughts by the buzzing of my phone. I had a new text from Evan and another from my agent, Lenny. I tapped to open Evan’s.

Evan: Dude, if you two are trying to keep things on the down low, you suck at it. That performance was 🔥🔥🔥.

Me: That obvious? Fuck. 

Evan: Yeah, better be prepared for the inevitable speculation to ramp up.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose as a soft knock sounded at my door. I assumed it was Kat as I called out, “Door’s open.”

A petite brunette tentatively stuck her head through the crack as she opened the door. I recognized her as Marc’s partner. Shit. What’s her name? She’s the TikTok girl. Sarah? No…Stefanie!

“Hey, Stefanie. What’s up?” I asked, a little confused by her presence.

She pushed the door open further to step inside. She was wringing her hands together as Marc followed her through the threshold. She seemed tense and unsure. 

“I’m sorry to bother you, Dieter. It may be nothing…but I just saw Alec coming up behind Kat in her dressing room as she shut the door. It looked…odd. I don’t think she knew he was in there. I know they’re…”

Blood was suddenly pounding in my ears. I didn’t hear the rest of her sentence as I stood from my seat and asked, “Did you see him come out or hear anything?”

She shook her head, “No, but it gave me a weird vibe. With everything going on, we felt like someone should know.” 

I nodded, already moving toward the door. “She doesn’t wanna be alone with him. Thank you for telling me.” 

Without giving it a second thought I was jogging down the hall toward Kat’s dressing room, vaguely aware that Marc and Stefanie were following behind me. I felt sick. Something doesn’t feel right about this. 

I began knocking and calling out to her as soon as I reached the door, “Kat, it's me. Can I come in?”

I got nothing but silence in return. Marc turned to one of the other couples who were standing just outside a dressing room across the hallway. “Did you see Kat or Alec come out?” he asked. With wide-eyes, they shook their heads no. 

I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. If they were only talking, she would still answer me. Right?

I knocked harder, “Kat, I’m coming in.” 

I reached for the knob and twisted, but it was locked. “Fuck!”

My chest was heaving as I looked around with panicked eyes. I could faintly hear Marc saying something about keys before the couple that had been standing nearby took off down the hallway. My attention was drawn back to the door, convinced I heard a light thump against it. I glanced at Marc, and he nodded. He heard it too. Before I even realized what I was doing, my shoulder began knocking against the hard metal as I continued to yell for Kat to unlock it. The door did not budge. Realizing that it was pointless to continue, I stepped back, allowing my eyes to scan the area for anyone who could possibly help. There was no one else around. 

I could feel the panic setting in, worried that Alec might be doing something to hurt her. Given the way he looked at us as he left the staging area toward the end of the show, I couldn’t help thinking the worst. 

The sound of the knob jiggling brought my attention back to the door. I reached out, twisting to find that it was now unlocked. As I pushed it open, I was briefly met by Alec’s surprised face before my focus shifted to Kat, clawing at his hands clasped tightly around her neck. Her eyes were wide in panic as she gasped for air. I reacted on instinct, determined to keep her safe as I threw myself at him. I had never in my life wanted to cause anyone bodily harm, but at that moment I was out for blood. 

Kat’s POV

I could feel the fight in me fading as Alec’s hands tightened around my throat. I was near blacking out when I heard Dieter knocking at the door. Hearing his voice and knowing that he was trying to get to me ignited a new burst of adrenaline. I tried to call out to him but couldn’t get any sound to come out. Alec seemed unfazed by the fact that someone was at the door. His focus was on my face, stoic and unblinking. I tried kneeing him in the groin, but once he realized what I was doing, he somehow maneuvered himself between my thighs so that I couldn’t. 

I was so afraid Dieter would leave, thinking I wasn’t in here. So, I changed tactics, kicking at the door with my heel while trying to relieve some of the pressure around my neck with my hands. I could feel myself fading again as Alec regained his tight grip. I could hear Dieter trying to open the door. I was torn between not wanting him to find me like this and praying he got the door open. I knew he would lose it on Alec if he saw this. 

I somehow found the strength to twist in Alec’s grip, which allowed me to forcefully connect an elbow with the side of his face. The shock of it caused him to release his hold just enough that I was able to reach the door handle to my left and unlock it. Alec didn’t realize what I had done until he was face-to-face with a very angry Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter had Alec on the floor in the blink of an eye, shoving him off of me then giving a quick jab to the throat before pinning Alec down as he gasped for air. Marc and his partner followed Dieter into the room. They immediately came to my aid as I rubbed at the stinging and throbbing around my neck, fighting back tears as I inhaled deeply to catch my breath. 

I pushed them away, moving toward Dieter. I attempted to plead for him to stop, but I couldn’t get any sound out. My throat felt raw through my feeble attempts. I pushed Marc toward them, begging him to do something. I couldn’t let Dieter get in trouble over this asshole. 

It all happened so fast as Dieter got a few solid punches in before wrapping his hands around Alec’s throat as he cursed the man underneath him. I never would have imagined Dieter was capable of such a reaction, but it made me realize the lengths he would go to in order to protect those he cares about. The crazed look in his eyes probably should have scared me, but it didn’t. All I could think of doing was protecting him. 

Even though Dieter was a lot bigger than Marc, Marc somehow managed to pull him off Alec before he took it too far. Alec scrambled to his feet, fear briefly flashing on his face before he collected himself and gave us both a sneer as he wiped at his bloody lips. “See, I knew you were lying to me,” he said with an accusatory tone. 

Dieter opened his mouth to speak as Marc continued to hold him back. I stepped forward, placing my hand on his shoulder, silencing him and causing his attention to focus on me. 

I met Alec’s glare, “I told you there was nothing going on between us. Why can’t you just accept the fact that you’re the one who fucked up?” 

Alec smirked, “Was? There was nothing…but there is now? Right?” 

When I didn’t answer, he nodded then scoffed out a laugh. “You may not have acted on it, but you were attracted to him. You were thinking about it. You were all too happy to get rid of me the first chance you got.” 

I could feel the anger flaring in my chest, feeling defiant against his accusations. “The moment that I walked in on you fucking Lana was the moment you lost the right to know anything about me. It’s none of your damn business. I told you I didn’t do anything, and I know I didn’t do anything wrong. That’s all that matters to me. You can spout off whatever bullshit about us that you want, I don’t care anymore. Everyone knows you’re the one who cheated anyway. You can thank the paparazzi for that.” 

I could see in Alec’s eyes the exact moment he realized he didn’t have control over me anymore. This whole encounter had been a serious wakeup call and blow to his ego. He was scared of Dieter and now he was scared of me. I knew the real him and I was no longer afraid to expose him for what he was - an abusive narcissist. The perfect public image that he had worked so hard to cultivate and maintain was crumbling around him, and he was the cause of it. 

Alec turned to leave, but Dieter’s voice stopped him. “If you ever lay another hand on her, I will fucking end you. You hear me?” 

Alec smirked as he turned to face Dieter, putting on that cocky persona that he used as a defense mechanism, “Are you threatening me, Bravo?” 

Dieter let out a menacing chuckle, “No, it’s a promise. I’m not fucking around with you anymore.” 

Alec’s smile faltered. He had been expecting Dieter to backtrack on that statement. He nodded, pursing his lips, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He wiped at his bloody face as he turned to leave. 

Once Alec was out of sight, Marc finally released Dieter. Dieter’s hands immediately reached toward me to survey the damage. I winced as his fingertips gently grazed my neck, “Kat, you need to call the police and report this.”

I pulled his hand away, shaking my head gingerly. “No. If I do that, it’ll be all over the gossip sites and news tomorrow morning. That stuff is public record. I can’t handle that right now.” 

Dieter huffed in exasperation, “What if he does this again? This is the second time I’ve witnessed it, and this time was way worse.” 

Marc stepped forward, “I agree with Dieter. I’ll be happy to give a statement…Alec was out of line.” 

I shook my head again, “No. Dieter, I…” I paused, not knowing what to say. I knew he wasn’t going to be concerned about himself. “Dieter, I don’t want you to get into trouble. He may retaliate by pressing charges against you or something…it’ll turn into a whole thing. I’m not gonna let him ruin your reputation when you’ve been working so hard to fix it.” 

I could tell Dieter was getting frustrated as he ran his hands down his face, “I don’t care about that. I was protecting you… this is on him.”

I sighed, “I know you were, and I’m thankful you came to me…but that won’t matter. The headlines will be that you assaulted someone. That’s all people will see.” 

I grabbed his hands as I peered up at him, “He’s not gonna do it again. You scared the hell out of him tonight. I could see it. Also, there are two witnesses besides us. He’s fucked and he knows it. Let’s just…deal with it my way? Ok? Please.” 

For the first time, my attention shifted to Stefanie as she moved to close the door.

“Sorry, there’s a bit of a crowd forming out there. Everyone must finally be making their way down here from the ballroom.” 

Now that I had a moment to think, I didn’t know why Marc and Stefanie were here.

“Dieter, how did you know he was in here?” I asked.

Stefanie meekly raised her hand, “I told him. I saw Alec as you were closing the door. He seemed…off. Marc felt like we needed to get Dieter, so we did.” 

“Why did you feel like you needed to get Dieter?” I asked Marc.

He shrugged, thinking through his next words before he spoke. “You two seem…close. I figured he would know if it was something to be worried about or not.” 

Close? Fuck. Were we really that obvious? I puffed air out of my cheeks before walking over to Stefanie and pulling her into a hug, “Thank you for noticing something wasn’t right. I don’t know how that would have gone otherwise.” 

I turned to Marc, thanking him as well before asking. “If you guys don’t mind, please keep the details of this between us for now?” 

They both nodded. “Out of everyone on the cast, we’re probably the only ones you can trust. We won’t say anything.” Marc replied.

“What if Stacia and Joe ask us about it?” Stefanie questioned. 

I sighed, “If they do, tell them what you saw…and I’ll handle the rest.”

I glanced over at Dieter as he sank down into a chair, placing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. I could tell he wasn’t handling this well. I looked back to Stefanie and Marc, “Would you guys mind giving us some privacy?”

They both looked in Dieter’s direction with a sympathetic expression before nodding and moving to exit. Before I closed the door behind them, Marc turned to me. “Kat…let us know if you guys need anything, yeah? Doesn’t matter what it is.”

I nodded, “I will, thank you.” 

After closing and locking the door, I moved to stand in front of Dieter. I had to nearly pry his hands from his face, but even then he still wouldn't look at me. I crowded his space, forcing him to lean back in the seat as I hiked my dress up to straddle him. He was still avoiding my eyes as I reached for him, cupping his cheeks to angle his head upward so I could look at him. His eyes were pooling with tears as his jaw flexed under my hands. He looked broken. It was almost enough to shatter the facade I was trying so hard to maintain for his sake. 

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?” I finally asked. 

He shook his head, pulling my hands from his cheeks. 

“Dieter, don’t push me out. Please.” 

He took a deep breath, looking anywhere but at me. “I…just…I thought something bad happened. I was scared that you were hurt…and I couldn’t get to you. Then I…just sort of lost it when I saw what he was doing to you. I’m sorry. I’ve never…I’m not like that. I don’t want you to think I’m like that. I’m not a violent person…” 

The more he spoke, the more distressed he seemed. My hands found their way back to his cheeks as I tried to sooth him, “Hey, it’s ok. I know you’re not like that. You were protecting me. I would’ve done the same for you.” 

That seemed to help him relax some as he leaned into my touch. His arms slid around my waist, pulling me closer, “I’m sorry, just ignore me. I think what happened is starting to hit me…are you really OK? Do you need to go to get checked out? I can take you if…”

My hands slid down to rest on the sides of his neck as my thumbs rubbed against his scruffy jawline, “No, I’m fine. I promise. You got to me before he did any real damage.”

He leaned back some for a better view as his hand reached to push the hair away from my neck. His brow furrowed. I could see his eyes flash with anger and pain. 

“You’re probably gonna have bruises.”

I shrugged and sighed, “Not the first time…” 

His lips set into a tight line before he pulled me in for a firm embrace, nuzzling his scratchy beard against the exposed skin on my chest. I hugged him against me, aching to run my fingers through his hair, but the copious amounts of hair gel made that impossible. I settled for rubbing just below his hairline on the back of his neck instead. 

He seemed vulnerable, but I didn’t really understand why. I needed him to understand that I didn’t think he did anything wrong. I leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of his head, “Thank you…for looking out for me. I’m not sure I’d have the strength to get him out of my life without you.” 

He shifted so that he could look up at me with a sad smile, “Thank you for letting me.” 

A lump formed in my throat as I returned his smile, then leaned down to capture his lips with mine. It was a languid kiss, full of emotion and need, yet somehow not sexual at all. It was comforting and everything we both needed to ground ourselves after the ordeal we had just gone through. 

We were distracted by a knock on the door. It was one of the assistants from the costume department. “Kat, we still need your costume,” she called through the door, clearly unaware of the drama that had just unfolded. 

I huffed as Dieter’s hands rubbed up and down my sides, “Yeah, give me a few minutes.” I called back. 

My eyes focused on him, “You better go get changed too. They’ll be after you next.”

He rolled his eyes, lifting me with him as he stood. 

“Lock the door behind me, please. I’ll be back after I’m done.” 

I nodded and did as he asked, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves as I turned the lock. It was taking everything in me not to fall apart. The urge to burst into tears had been steadily growing since Alec left the room, but I had somehow managed to ward them off. I couldn’t fall apart here. I needed to wait until I got home. I wanted nothing more than to go home with Dieter and let him soothe all the bad feelings away, but I knew I needed to spend some time alone to process what happened. I needed time to myself to feel it and work through it. I didn’t want Dieter to see me like that. I worried it would be too much for him. 

I moved around the room, almost on autopilot, changing out of my costume and putting it into the garment bag. Just as I was pulling my shirt over my head, Dieter was back, knocking at the door. I grabbed the garment bag as I went to unlock the door for him, hanging it on the hook just outside for pickup before turning to grab my things so we could leave. 

“Did you still wanna grab some dinner? Maybe we get something to go?” he asked. 

I sighed, “I think I’m actually just gonna go home.” 

I could see the panic in his eyes. He thought I didn’t want to be around him. I looped my hand around his bicep and gave it a reassuring squeeze as we walked toward the exit to the parking lot. “I feel like doing a cleansing. I actually wanna go home and pack up all Alec’s shit so I can be done with him, for good. Especially after tonight. It’s something I need to do.” 

He nodded, seeming to understand, but he still looked like a wounded puppy. 

“How about we do dinner at your place tomorrow after rehearsal?” I asked. We hadn’t really gotten to spend any quality time together since coming back from New York. I wanted to, just not tonight. 

He seemed to perk up a bit and chuckled, “Are you volunteering me to cook for you?”

I shrugged, “I mean…I would never turn down one of your homemade meals, but I would settle for takeout if you didn’t feel like it. I really just wanna spend some non-dance time with you and see Zee again too, of course.” 

That elicited a big smile from him as he held the door open for me. “I won’t argue with that,” he finally said. 

When we reached my vehicle, he opened the door, standing with it between us. 

“Lemme know when you get home, please?”

I nodded, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but I knew eyes could be anywhere. 

“And call me if you need anything. I don’t care what or when…I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” 

I chuckled, “It would take at least thirty.” 

He shook his head and laughed, “Nope, fifteen.”

I rolled my eyes as I sat down in the driver’s seat, “I’ll see you at the production meeting in the morning. Go get some rest. I expect there’ll be a full interrogation.” 

He huffed in annoyance as he reached down to hit the lock button on the door, then smiled, pushing the door shut as he said “Good night, Kit Kat.”  The smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

I suddenly felt torn. Maybe we did need to be together tonight. I shook the thought away as I moved to start the car, deciding to continue on with my plan. 

When I got home, I sent Dieter a quick text to let him know I was locked in. I settled on heating up a can of soup for dinner, given that my throat was not feeling the greatest. I actually found the warmth from it to be somewhat soothing as I took a quick inventory of how much of Alec’s stuff was actually at my place and hoped that the stash of Amazon boxes that I hadn’t put out for trash pickup would be enough to pack it all. 

I worked in anger for hours, going through the house shoving things in boxes without any organization or order, muttering that he should consider himself lucky that I wasn’t just throwing it all out on the lawn and burning it like I wanted to. I couldn’t understand how it had come to this. I knew he had a darker side, but I never could have imagined that he would take it this far. I was almost certain that if we had been anywhere else that he couldn’t have been interrupted, he might not have stopped. The dead-eyed stare as his fingers tightened around my throat scared the hell out of me. His intent was to hurt me. There was no question about it. 

As I was rummaging around behind the clothes hanging in my closet, I bumped against my guitar case that was hidden behind everything. It fell over with a thud, causing a low thrumming of the strings, which was muted by the case. The sight of the instrument instantly had my stomach in knots. I hadn’t taken it out of the case since Alec and I first started dating six years ago. He had only seen me play it twice and that was all it took for me to never play in front of him again. His critical commentary made me feel inadequate under his gaze. It made me self-conscious and took the fun out of something that was once my refuge. Which was sort of ridiculous because Alec didn’t know the first thing about playing or music. He always had terrible taste. I really think what it came down to is that it was something that could take attention away from him. That probably should have been my first hint that he was not for me. 

After taking a few deep breaths, I laid the case flat on the floor and opened it. The vintage Gibson Hummingbird looked exactly as it had last time I laid eyes on it. Untouched by time and dust. I reached out, running my fingertips over the glossy black mahogany edges and classic light wood tone sunburst along the lower bout. The memory of the day my father gave it to me came rushing back. He had found it dirt cheap at a yard sale of all places and was beyond excited to give it to me. The memories of the times we played together seemed so long ago, but they were just as vivid as if it were yesterday. Then there was the memory of playing with Dieter at his house. I realized it had felt the same playing with him, freeing almost.

My fingers trailed up to the hummingbird motif engraved into the pickguard. It was my favorite part because it reminded me of my mom. Hummingbirds were always her favorite and I loved having a little piece of her with me after she died. I reached to pick it up, watching the mother of pearl inlay on the fingerboard reflect in the light as I twisted it to set in my lap. My fingers strummed along the strings and moved along the frets, getting reacquainted with my old friend. 

Without even realizing, I began to strum out the chords of the song Dieter and I had sung together that night at his house, Scars on this Guitar. It felt fitting as I began to hum along. A calmness washed over me as I played. It was like I had found myself again. It was almost overwhelming as the tears suddenly flooded out of my eyes without warning. They weren’t sad tears. It was more from relief than anything.

I was soon distracted by my phone chiming with a text message. After wiping my face, I dug it out of the pocket of my sweatpants to find a text from Dieter. 

Dieter: I’m totally going to be a needy bitch and ask if I can call you before I fall asleep? Please. 🥺  

I chuckled, loving the fact that he didn’t take himself seriously and always said whatever he was feeling. 

Me: Of course you can. And I like it when you’re a needy bitch. 😏

I knew what he was doing. He wanted to check on me and I couldn’t even be upset about it. 

Moments later, my phone rang with an incoming FaceTime call. I huffed out a quiet “fuck” before wiping at my face some more. I hadn’t realized this would be a video call. I hoped he couldn’t tell that I had been crying. When I answered, I was met with flashes of light and fur. I could hear Dieter muttering, “What the fuck, Zee?” I couldn’t help laughing as the video shifted around to finally show most of his face. His chin and neck were covered by cat fur. He looked annoyed, “Heey honey, sorry. Zee decided she wanted to jump on my face just as soon as I hit the call button.”

I felt a rush of heat go through me at his words. I know I give him hell over the pet names, but now that I didn’t have Alec to worry about, I actually loved hearing him call me those things. 

I laughed, watching as he held the phone further away so I could see Zee lying sprawled out and wallowing on her back on top of his bare chest. She was rubbing her face against the scruff of his chin. It was the cutest and hottest thing I’d ever seen. 

I snickered, “It’s ok Zee, I get it. I like to rub against his face too.” 

Dieter snorted as he angled the phone back toward his face, “Well that wasn’t how I expected this conversation to start.” 

I laughed, holding the phone further away at a lower angle, hoping he couldn’t see my red eyes. 

He suddenly turned a little more serious as he stared into the camera, “I just wanted to check in, make sure you were doing ok…after everything today.”

I cleared my throat, “Yeah…I’m good. Just finished packing up his shit…so I feel a lot better now. I’ll text his brother to come get it off the porch tomorrow, so I don’t have to deal with him.” 

Dieter pursed his lips. I could tell he wanted to say something but was holding back. 

“What is it?” I asked.

He sighed, “Are you sure you don’t wanna go to the police?”

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “Yeah…I’m sure. I really don’t think he’s gonna try anything again. I’m pretty sure he’s terrified of getting his ass kicked now.” 

Dieter chuckled, “Who said anything about an ass kicking? I’ll make him disappear if it happens again.”

I smiled, “I’ll help you hide the body.” 

He laughed loudly, causing Zee to reach up and cover his mouth with her paw. He grabbed it, placing a small kiss on her little toe beans before murmuring a quiet, “Sorry, baby girl” into the fur on the top of her head. I really could have melted over how sweet he was with her. 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment as he looked off in the distance. His eyes eventually turned back to the camera. He seemed nervous.

“I feel like I need to apologize for how I acted. I lost control and let my emotions take over. I really don’t want you to think that’s normal behavior for me, because it’s not. I-I don’t do shit like that. Ever.”  

I could tell this was getting to him. The pain and desperation breaking through in his voice caused my eyes to prickle with tears again. I hated seeing him upset.

“Dieter, it’s ok. I know you’re not like him…if that’s what you’re worried about. I know you would never do that to me.” 

He appeared to relax some, but still seemed on edge. I suddenly felt selfish. I should have gone home with him tonight. He would never admit it, but it felt like this went deeper than what happened with Alec. I couldn’t help wondering if today’s events were causing something from his past to come to the surface. I wanted to ask, but that didn’t seem like a conversation to have over the phone. I suddenly felt the need to reassure him.  

We were quiet for a beat, but I finally broke the silence, “I can’t wait to spend some time with you tomorrow. I’m sort of kicking myself for not coming over tonight.” 

He gave me a soft smile, “The night’s not over…and my bed is always open…though you may have to fight Zee for a spot.” 

I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth, seriously considering his offer. “What time is it?” 

His head leaned up slightly, I assume to check the time, “A little after ten.”

Huffing out a sigh, I replied, “I better not. It’s already late and we have to be at the studio early.”

His eyes told me he disappointed, but he still smiled into the camera, “You want to though.” 

I groaned out a whiney “yeeees”, shifting to uncross my legs from where I still sat on the floor of my closet and sliding the guitar to the floor causing a slight hum from the strings. 

Dieter chuckled as a confused look formed on his face, “Where are you?”

I laughed, “Sitting on my closet floor…I…” I paused, wondering if I should tell him what I had been doing. His brows arched, waiting for me to continue. “I uhh, came across my guitar while I was looking for all Alec’s junk to pack up. I-I took it out of the case for the first time in years…”  

I looked away from the phone as I felt my eyes prickling again. Fuck. Why is this making me emotional? 

“Is that why you’ve been crying?” Dieter asked. 

My eyes darted back to the phone, “You could tell? And you didn’t say anything?”

He shrugged, “I know you’re dealing with stuff. I don’t expect you to tell me and I don’t wanna pry. I know you’ll talk when you’re ready.” 

I had to appreciate his patience with me. I never would have guessed that would be something he would so willingly give without me asking. 

I smiled, “Yes, that’s why I was crying. Honestly, playing with you a few weeks ago made me realize how much I missed it…and playing just now was such a fucking relief. I sort of feel like I found one of my missing pieces…ya know what I mean?” 

Dieter’s brows furrowed as his lips set into a tight line. He had a strange look in his eyes as he cleared his throat, “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” 

I suddenly had butterflies in my stomach, feeling like his words had a deeper meaning that I couldn’t quite figure out. 

He rubbed at his face, “Well, we should probably get to bed. The sooner we fall asleep, the sooner I can be with you tomorrow.” 

I laughed, “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

He gave me a small smile, “Night, Kit Kat.” 

We both lingered in silence for a few seconds longer than necessary before disconnecting the call. My feelings for him were growing. There was no denying it. It scared me a little as I reminded myself that it was like this with Alec once. I didn’t see his red flags in the beginning. What if I was missing them with Dieter? I had to shake that thought away. It was ridiculous. I was just psyching myself out. Dieter had already proven ten times over that he was a good person and that he cared about me. 

After pulling myself up out of the floor and giving a full body stretch to loosen up my stiff and aching joints, I got ready for bed and settled into a restless sleep. 

Dieter and I both arrived at Television City Studios earlier than necessary. He was already in the lobby waiting with coffee when I walked in. He didn’t have to say why he was so early because I knew it was the same reason I was there early, I wanted to see him. 

He stood when I approached, his gaze immediately focusing on my neck as he reached to brush my hair away from it. His questioning eyes shifted to mine as his thumb grazed down the side of my throat.

“I’m ok. It’s not that bad. I was able to cover it with makeup,” I said in response. 

He sighed heavily. I could see the anger flashing in his eyes as he pulled away to rub at the back of his neck when an intern walked by. My eyes were drawn to his hand. I could see slight bruising around the knuckles, but it didn’t seem too bad. Not as bad as last time anyway. 

“You didn’t tell me you were hurt,” I said.

He glanced at his knuckles, “It’s nothing…not even sore. Should’ve hit him harder.” 

“Keep that out of sight while we’re meeting with them. If they ask…as far as they’re concerned, I hit him. You only pushed him off, got it?”

He huffed, then shook his head, “You don’t have to lie for me…”

I shrugged, “It’s not a lie. I did hit him.”

Dieter’s brows knitted together, “You did?”

I nodded, “Yeah, how do you think I got the door unlocked? I elbowed him in the face.”

He smiled, suddenly looking proud. “I don’t condone violence, but I’m kind of happy you did that. He deserved it.”

We moved to sit in the chairs next to each other, trying our best to keep our hands to ourselves as we waited. It wasn’t long before a PA came to get us for the meeting. When we entered the conference room, Stacia and Joe were waiting. They both had a stony expression on their faces and only nodded in greeting. Fuck. They know. 

After we got situated in our seats, I felt Dieter’s leg rest against mine under the table. He could sense the tension too. 

Joe crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat as Stacia eyed us with pursed lips. She seemed to be weighing how to start this conversation. 

“So, it looks like things went well in New York. Did you two have a good time?”

Small talk. Really? Dieter and I glanced at each other with confusion. “Yeah, I mean it was busy as fuck, but we had fun,” Dieter answered.

“The footage you took was great by the way…and so were your social media posts. The fans ate it up,” Joe said.

“Did you guys take the time to do anything fun? I saw the open mic night video…” Stacia interjected.

There it is. Dieter gave a tight smile as he looked between them, “Not really. We stayed pretty busy with rehearsals for this and SNL. We barely had time to eat and sleep.”

Stacia gave us a disbelieving look, “But you did open mic night?”

Dieter shrugged, “The SNL cast invited us out for dinner that night. We sort of got roped into it.” 

Stacia pursed her lips and nodded before asking, “Where did you rehearse? The hotel said you didn’t use the rented space.” 

Dieter and I both grimaced before he answered, “Yeah, sorry. There was a large outdoor terrace with our suite. We just used that. It was more convenient with our crazy hours.” 

She gave a tight smile in return, “Well, I’m happy the suite worked out so well for you two then.”

She sighed, the vibe shifting as she leaned back into her seat and rubbed at her temples, “Kat, we need to talk about what happened last night with Alec…I wanna hear your side of it before we do anything.”  

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “What did he say happened?” 

She shook her head, “No. I want you to tell me your version of what happened first.”  My version. So that’s how this is gonna go. Great.

I took a controlled breath, the last thing I needed to do was lose it on them. 

“After the show, I went to my dressing room. He was there waiting for me. When I walked in, he grabbed me from behind, shoved me up against the wall, mouthed off for a minute, then started choking me. By that point, Marc and Stefanie had gone to get Dieter. He was trying to get in, but Alec had locked the door. I managed to elbow Alec in the face and he let go long enough for me to unlock it. Dieter came in and pulled him off me.” 

Her eyes shifted between me and Dieter, “So, Dieter didn’t attack him?”

I shrugged, “He pushed Alec away from me and then Alec fell to the floor.”

She was quiet for a beat, studying us. “Alec says that Dieter found you two alone…talking, and then attacked him.” 

I let out a disbelieving laugh. Anything to make himself look better. Then it occurred to me, maybe he didn’t realize how much Marc and Stefanie had actually seen. He only saw Marc pulling Dieter off of him. What a fucking dumbass.

“Well, that’s a lie. Dieter was protecting me. Alec attacked me.” 

Stacia’s eyes narrowed as they shifted between us, “I need for you to tell me what’s going on between the three of you so we can figure out how to move forward. Did you cheat on him with Dieter? What’s the deal? Why’s he mad enough to attack you? Make it make sense.”

Bitch. She’s one hundred percent fishing for information. I felt Dieter nudge my leg under the table. I pressed mine against his as I leaned forward. 

“Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but no, I didn’t cheat on him. He cheated on me. With Lana. He's pissed because I’ve run out of chances to give and I’m standing up for myself. I’m done and he can’t accept it. He’s trying to make us out to be the bad guys…to make himself feel better and it’s not working in his favor because we haven’t done anything wrong.” 

I could see Stacia’s jaw clench as she digested my explanation. I purposefully didn’t address mine and Dieter’s current relationship status. I could tell that she was trying to work out how to get that question answered without asking again. Joe sighed heavily beside her and shook his head as he leaned forward to speak. 

“Look, I pulled the security footage. Where the camera is in the hallway…I couldn’t see everything. I could see that he went to your dressing room and waited for you, and I could see how Marc and Stefanie reacted after you went inside and how Dieter was reacting after they went and got him. Their story matches yours, so I’m inclined to believe that Alec is lying. That’s grounds to remove him from the cast…”

I interrupted him, “No. Don’t. Let him stay.”

I could feel Dieter’s shocked eyes on me as I continued, “When we win, I want it to be because we beat him, not because he got kicked off. All that I ask is that you have security nearby when we’re all here. Make it known to him that you know what happened and the only reason he’s still here is because of my grace and because I wanna crush his fucking ego by winning the competition with Dieter.” 

Joe moved to speak but I cut him off by holding up my hand, “I’m not done. My other request is that you both stop your fucking meddling. This is partially your fault too. You were trying your hardest to manufacturer drama for this season and you fucking got it. You wanted your cast romance, now you got that with Alec and Lana…so leave us alone.” 

Stacia suddenly looked hurt by my words as she spoke up, “Kat, we had no idea this would happen, we couldn’t have. You can’t blame us for this.” 

I scoffed, “No, but you hoped something…would happen.”

She sighed, “Look, I knew Alec was sort of an asshole, but I never would have thought he would attack you. You didn’t deserve it…and I am sorry if we created the conditions for it. It wasn’t the intention.” 

Her apology almost seemed genuine, until she opened her mouth again. 

“You and Dieter are the fan favorites right now. Our ratings are up because people wanna see you two together…and you guys have become close friends. I can’t apologize for our decision to partner you up or for our focus on you. I still think it was the right thing to do, and I stand by that.”

“Oh no, I’m happy you put Dieter and I together. It's the intentions behind your choices that are the problem…just so we’re clear.” 

Stacia and I locked eyes. I could tell she wanted to say more, but she was cut off by Joe, who seemed to be handling this more sensibly. 

“Well, given that you don’t want us to let Alec go, I do think we need to make some changes. During the professional performances, if you need to partner up, you’ll be working with Marc from now on. He didn’t like working with Anika anyway. And maybe we split the professionals up into two troupes so we can keep you guys apart as much as possible. I’m sure Emily can make that work with the choreography somehow.”

Joe rattled on about some other precautions he wanted to put into place for a bit longer, then they finally let that topic drop and got back to business. Stacia pulled out the sketches for this week’s costumes. They had me in a short lacy black dress with a low back and long sleeves. It left little to the imagination, but I was used to that. So, I gave a quick nod of approval. They had Dieter in simple black pants and a black long sleeve button up dress shirt.

Stacia seemed a little more reserved than normal as she went over the details. Our earlier conversation had obviously struck some sort of nerve with her. 

“This week we have you two doing the Argentine Tango to the song You Put A Spell On Me.”

Joe smiled smugly, “That should be an interesting one. Can’t wait to see what you two come up with.”

Based on his reaction to it, I assumed this wasn’t the same song that I was familiar with. He seemed too giddy about it. I glanced over at Dieter. His brows were slightly furrowed. He seemed just as intrigued as I was. We were done soon after that, not wanting to hang around any longer than we had to. 

After grabbing a quick lunch at the small Greek diner at Dieter’s suggestion, we made our way to the dance studio to begin rehearsals for the week. We started like we always did, by cueing up our song. Both of us sat sprawled out on the floor as the sultry notes greeted us. I suddenly felt hot as my skin prickled from the music. It was beyond sexy and had my mind racing with ideas that were not meant for a public performance. 

Dieter and I sat listening, wide-eyed as we fully took in the lyrics. Once the song ended, his brows pinched together as he pursed his lips. I could already tell he had some sort of sarcastic comment brewing.

“So…,” he finally said with a look of confusion, “Do they just want us to have sex on the dance floor? Because I feel like they want us to have sex on the dance floor. They’re just asking for it at this point…Which is not very family friendly of them...”  

I chuckled. He wasn’t wrong. It was a very sexual song. 

“How spicy are we allowed to be? I feel like we should push the limits of what’s acceptable just to be obnoxious and because they won’t expect it,” he added.

Honestly, the thought of it was sort of thrilling. I had never taken that route with a performance on the show before. Doing it with Dieter made it seem even more tantalizing because I knew it would piss Alec off and get people’s attention. 

“Well…there have been some pretty racy performances in the past, so it’s not out of the question.” 

Dieter giggled, “Let’s just see how many different ways we can act out the lyrics.”  

I snorted, “Act out the lyrics? Really? You want me to undress you on the dance floor?” 

He scratched at his scruff as he smirked, “Why not? You are a pro at getting me naked.” 

I felt heat creeping up my cheeks as I gave him an admonishing look, which caused him to let out one of his boisterous laughs. 

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him as he moved to stand. He then framed his arms up and began stomping back and forth dramatically in a stereotypical tango style dance, “Come on Kit Kat, let's get to it. Time to get nasty.” 

I couldn’t help laughing at him. His playfulness always got to me. I loved that he now showed me this side of himself. Thinking back to our first week together, he never would have acted like this. He had opened up so much since then. I could feel my heart do a little flutter at the thought as I stood to join him. 

I grabbed his hand, pulling him toward me so he would stop the ridiculous stomping thing he was doing. “First of all…this is an Argentine Tango, not an International Tango…or whatever it is you think you’re doing….”

He dropped his head and snorted out a laugh as I gave him a teasing smile. 

“It’s not as stiff…doesn’t have the quick and decisive movements that most people associate with the tango. The hold is different, allowing for more freedom of expression so that the dance can be anything from slow and sensual to fast and strong. We’ll need to include intertwining leg combos and dynamic lifts. The judges will be looking for those.”

He was in full student mode now, listening intently and nodding along. I smiled, deciding to throw him a curve ball, suggestively running my fingers down his chest as I spoke. 

“The best description I’ve ever heard that explains the difference in the two dances is that the International Tango is for dancing with your wife and the Argentine Tango is for dancing with your lover.” 

He nodded as a wide smile spread across his face, “I’m pretty sure I can handle it given that we’ve nailed the horizontal tango already...” 

I closed my eyes, biting my bottom lip to stifle a laugh. “I can’t win with you…” I finally managed to huff out. He gave me a smug smile and shrugged. 

I continued on, still fighting a smile, “Anyway, let’s start with the hold then we can go through some gancho and staccato leg combos. I think that’ll probably be the hardest part for you to get. Then we’ll go from there.” 

Once Dieter got the basics down, we began to build our routine. Both of us laughing and having more fun than we usually did. It seemed that our evolving relationship off the dance floor was changing the dynamic on it as well. The communication between us came easily now. So much of it being non-verbal. We just got each other. It was a true partnership full of trust and friendship on top of everything else that our relationship fostered. It almost seemed too perfect. 

Dieter was flowing with ideas and more involved with planning the choreography than any of my past partners had ever been. I loved seeing his face light up when he had an idea and his excitement when he shared it. It made the process so much more enjoyable and made me feel closer to him somehow. His openness felt like a testament to his trust in me which I knew was a big deal for him. 

We managed to plan out the majority of the routine before our studio time was up. We left feeling good about where we were. As provocative as the routine was, we did somehow manage to behave ourselves and keep it professional. That didn’t stop the heated glances from passing between us or the occasional lingering touches though. 

By the time I was in the car and following Dieter to his house, I was feeling fairly worked up. The anticipation of having some alone time with him had butterflies forming in my stomach and wetness between my thighs. I couldn’t help wondering how the evening would go as we pulled into his driveway. 

He wasted no time pulling me in for a passionate kiss after I stepped out of the car - one hand on my cheek as the other wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him. 

He broke away with a relieved sigh and smiled, “I’ve been dying to do that all day.” 

I chuckled at his enthusiasm as he turned and pulled me toward the door, never releasing his hold around my waist as he keyed into the house. The moment the door opened, we were greeted by Zee. Only then did he let go of me to bend down and pick her up.

Zee nuzzled her face against his beard as he cradled her to his chest, murmuring a quiet, “Hey baby girl, I’ve missed you today” into her fur as she began to purr. It made my heart melt to watch him with her. I never would have guessed that Dieter Bravo was capable of being this tender and sweet before getting to know him. 

After snuggling her for a beat, he turned to me with a dimpled smile as he approached. Zee was now lazily leaning her head in my direction, letting out a soft meow as she gave me a slow blink. I didn’t hesitate to reach and scratch behind her ears. She stretched out on her back in his arms, reaching to place her paw on my face. 

Dieter chuckled and stepped closer so she could rub her face against my chin as my hand stroked the long silky fur on her chest. There wasn’t a mat in sight. I smiled, “Looks like somebody is taking their cat grooming responsibilities seriously.” 

Dieter's cheeks flushed as he shrugged, “Yeah…she likes it…and I’ve read it’s a good bonding activity. So, I don’t deny her when she wants her hair brushed.” 

I snickered, “She’s got you wrapped around her little paw.” 

He sighed slowly pulling Zee away and setting her down, “Yeah, it seems I’m a sucker when it comes to my two favorite ladies…Come on. I’ll get dinner started.” 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen, “Hopefully Cora remembered to put the chicken in the marinade before she left. If not, we may have a problem.” 

My brows knitted together, “Who’s Cora?” 

He smiled, “She’s my housekeeper…a little spitfire of a lady. I think you’ll love her. I need to introduce you.” 

I nodded, noticing the affectionate smile on his face as he talked about Cora. It made me curious about her, but I didn’t question him further. 

I watched him rummage through the refrigerator before pulling out ingredients, including the marinated chicken. He got to work, refusing to let me help. When I tried, he leaned down and lifted me by my thighs and planted me on top of the island. After a quick peck on the lips, he told me not to move. My only job was to “watch the master at work.”

Zee soon joined me on the island, swishing her tail as she paced back and forth, attempting to lay eyes on what her dad was cooking. She shocked me by jumping across the distance between the island and Dieter’s back, landing on his shoulder with a loud meow as he laid out the chicken in a baking dish. He didn’t even flinch. 

I snickered, “Based on your lack of a reaction, I take it this isn’t the first time she’s done that.”

He laughed and shook his head, “Nope. She’s a nosey little shit and thinks any sort of protein is for her. Especially chicken.” 

Zee watched intently over his shoulder as he worked. She stayed perched there as he moved to the sink to wash his hands. Afterwards, he leaned down, allowing her to jump down onto the counter so he could put the chicken in the oven. 

He turned toward me, moving to stand between my thighs as he rested his palms on the counter at my hips. His nose nudged against mine as he asked in a low voice that gave me goosebumps, “Would you rather have garlic and herb roasted potatoes or rice and cooked vegetables with your Greek Lemon Chicken?” 

I smiled against his lips, “You’re making me Greek Lemon Chicken?” 

He nodded, “I am…What can I say? I love spoiling my girls.”

My stomach felt topsy-turvy at his words. Hearing him say the word love in relation to me in any way had me feeling some kind of way. As he leaned in to kiss me, I felt tingly all over, realizing that I might actually be falling for him…hard. I had to beat back the small wave of panic I suddenly felt. 

He pulled away with a playful smile, “Hopefully it doesn’t taste like shit. I’ve never made it before.” 

I laughed nervously as a new wave of emotions hit me once I realized he was learning to cook Greek food for me.

“You’re trying Greek recipes for me, are ya?” I asked teasingly in an attempt to distract myself.

He nodded, “I am. Just doing what I can to keep ya around…for Zee’s sake, of course. She needs a woman in her life.” 

I smiled even though my mind was racing with the implications of what he was saying. Was he feeling this as deeply as I was? 

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s all for her,” I finally said with a chuckle. 

He shook his head, smiling as he leaned in for another soft kiss before adding, “You’re right. It’s not. I’m one hundred percent whipped by you both.” 

He paused, huffing out a laugh as he threaded his fingers through my hair and briefly allowed his eyes to roam over my face. After inhaling deeply, he asked, “Now, what does my other girl want to eat with her chicken?” 

I took a moment to get lost in his chocolate colored eyes, taking in the crinkles around the edges from the small smile on his lips. I loved it when his eyes crinkled like that. That’s how I knew his smile was genuine. 

“I think I’ll take the rice and veggies.” 

His hands moved to my hips, squeezing gently as he gave me a quick peck on the forehead. He pulled away with a smile, “As you wish…Now, watch the culinary king create a masterpiece for your tastebuds.”

He got to work, chopping the veggies. Zee came over to inspect, seeming intrigued by the spread, but ultimately decided it wasn’t for her and went to entertain herself with a fake mouse toy on the floor. 

Even though Dieter was occupied with his cooking duties, that didn’t make him any less attentive toward me. Conversation flowed and he made sure to continue his light touches and shared the occasional kiss as he moved around the kitchen. It was strangely romantic and intimate in a new way for me. I could see myself spending every evening like this with him. The fact that my mind was even going there scared me, worried that I was getting in too deep too fast. I somehow managed to bury that thought in the back of my mind each time he looked at me with his soft eyes and boyish smile.

Once the chicken was done, Zee turned into a little terrorist determined to get her share. I lost track of the number of times Dieter had to shoo her away while it was cooling. I couldn’t help laughing as those two had a near standoff over the cooked poultry. Because of Zee’s insistence, Dieter suggested that we eat on the patio since it had been such a nice day. That way we wouldn't have to deal with her “bratty” behavior. I agreed with a chuckle. 

To keep her distracted, he made her dinner. She ate quietly in the corner as we made our plates and gathered everything we needed to move to the patio. Dieter made sure to hide the chicken away in the oven before we finally sat down to eat. 

The meal was amazing of course and I made sure to tell him as much. He acted smug over the complement, but that didn’t stop his cheeks from flushing a little. We were both relaxed, discussing the most random topics and getting to know each other just a little bit more. It was nice to be with him like this for a change - to hear his laughter and see him truly happy. 

After eating, Dieter insisted that I go relax while he cleaned up. He refused to have any other outcome. So, I made my way over to one of the loungers next to the fire pit and settled in. Dieter joined me a few minutes later, switching on the fire pit before reclining in the lounger beside me. He made a pouty face as he stuck out his arms, motioning for me to come sit with him. I chuckled as I stood, moving to sit between his spread thighs as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me against his chest. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, causing me to giggle from where his scruff tickled the sensitive skin. 

We sat like that for a time, just listening to the waves of the ocean and enjoying being in each other's embrace. It felt so easy with him. Almost too easy, which was a little concerning if I dwelled on it. I pushed that thought away, twisting so that I could look up at him. He gave me a soft smile, his eyes crinkling as he looked down at me and reached to cup my cheek. 

“I’ve missed being able to do this the last few days,” he finally said. 

I smirked, closing the distance between us and sucking on his bottom lip. He deepened the kiss as I shifted in his arms, moving to straddle his hips as he set up straighter and pulled me against him. Just as I felt him growing hard under me, he pulled away, brushing the hair back out of my face as he peered up at me. His eyes danced around my face with a sort of serene expression. 

“I don’t know that I’ve properly told you how fucking beautiful you are.” 

I gave him a dismissive laugh as my cheeks burned under his palms. He leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine, “Stay with me tonight, please?” 

His voice was almost pleading as he asked. Something about the way he sounded tugged at my heart a bit. I smiled against his lips as I dipped my hands under the hem of his shirt to explore his chest. 

“I had already planned on it,” I replied before kissing him again. He didn’t deepen it. Instead, he pulled away and nuzzled his face into my chest as he hugged me just a little tighter, “Don’t get any ideas…I just wanna cuddle. No funny business.” 

Something about his tone told me he wasn’t trying to be funny. He sounded serious, but I wasn’t sure. I scoffed jokingly, “How presumptuous of you.” 

He was quiet for a beat, breathing me in. He finally pulled away with a smirk, “I’m just teasing. I do mean it though, I don’t wanna do anything tonight. I just wanna be with you.” 

I gave him a confused look. Can’t say I’ve ever heard a guy say that before. He seemed unsure of himself suddenly, averting his gaze. I reached for his chin and tilted it toward me. “What’s this about?” I asked in a gentle tone. Something was obviously on his mind. 

He sighed, “You’re probably gonna think I’m nuts…but…I don’t want this thing between us to just be about sex. I wanna spend time with you…get to know you…connect in other ways. You know what I mean? You’re too important to me for it to turn into that. I’m still learning how to do this relationship thing and I wanna do it right.” 

I stared at him, a little dumbfounded and turned on by the fact that he didn’t want to have sex. What the hell is wrong with me? 

He grimaced, “Please say something.” 

I huffed out a laugh, “I…I’m trying really hard not to be turned on by this.” 

He chuckled, “That wasn’t my goal, but I’ll take it as a positive response.” 

I reached to run my fingers through his hair as I smiled over his smug look, “What planet did you come from?” 

He laughed and shrugged, pulling me back against him, his ear to my chest as my fingers scratched at his scalp. He hummed at the feeling, leaning into me much like a needy puppy does when you scratch just the right spot. 

Dieter was true to his word, not taking it any further even though I could tell parts of him wanted to. Instead, I ended up stretching out against him, cuddling as we watched the sunset and talked about the most random topics. There was lots of laughter, gentle kisses, and caresses throughout. It was refreshing. I couldn’t recall the last time Alec and I had spent time together like that, or if we ever really had. He was always so guarded about everything, which often left a lingering tension in the air between us. It never felt like that with Dieter. He had a way of making me feel at ease and content. He was always smiling and had such a playful and positive energy, it was hard not to match it. 

As the hour grew late, we finally made our way inside. I watched as Dieter moved through the downstairs to lock up and turn everything off. His last step of his nightly routine was to give Zee a snack of boiled chicken. I watched as she jumped up on the island and patiently waited for him to pull it out of the refrigerator. The ‘Queen Zee’s Fucking Chicken’ label on the bowl caught my attention and made me snort in laughter as Dieter shredded small pieces and handed them over to her. When I asked what that was about, he shrugged and laughed, “Evan made that. Said something about her screaming at him over it. They’re both so dramatic, there’s no telling what actually went down.” 

After he washed his hands, he walked over to stand in front of me, placing his hands on my hips as he pulled me against him with a mischievous glint in his eye. “You ready to go to bed?” 

I quirked an eyebrow at him, feeling like he was up to something. “I need to run out to the car to get my bag.” 

He pursed his lips, “Ehh, I’ll go get it for you in the morning.”

I smirked, “But what will I sleep in?” 

He fought a smile, “You can raid my closet…or wear nothing. I’m not picky.” 

I gave him an admonishing look, “I thought we were behaving?” 

He shrugged as a wide grin formed on his face, “We are. Skin to skin cuddling for adults is a very healthy thing to do. It lowers cortisol levels and releases oxytocin. I fully support naked cuddling as a form of bonding.”

I chuckled, “You’re such a nerd, which is pleasantly surprising…and kind of a turn on…” 

He laughed loudly, “Is there anything that isn’t a turn on for you today?”

I leaned in, smiling against his lips before answering, “Apparently not…” 

After giving me a quick kiss, without warning, he leaned down and hoisted me over his shoulder like a fucking caveman. I squealed as he laughed maniacally and made his way up the stairs, grabbing a generous handful of my ass as he went. Once in his room, he sat me down, still laughing as I playfully pushed him away from me. 

I turned to survey the room for the first time. It was the only room I hadn’t seen when he previously gave me a tour of his place. I wasn’t sure what I expected. It was similar to the rest of the house, clean with cream colored walls and bedding accented with deep earth tones. He had a few plants sitting around, my eyes automatically focusing in on the obnoxious penis cactus on one of his nightstands. I laughed and shook my head as I pointed at it, “Aren’t you worried about grabbing that thing by mistake when you’re half asleep?”

He chuckled, “No, I don’t usually put anything on that side of the bed…buuut since you’re here…I’ll move it…can’t have you gettin’ confused and grabbing the wrong erection.” 

I cackled as I watched him move it from the nightstand to the dresser. I couldn’t help it. He had such a naughty sense of humor, and I loved it. Once he had it situated in just the right spot, he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward one of the other doors, which opened up to a massive bathroom. I couldn’t help admiring the tub. It looked heavenly. He followed my line of sight and chuckled, “I told you I had a hydrotherapy tub.”

“Well, it would be less weird if I took advantage of that now…obviously.” 

I could hear him snicker as he rummaged around in the linen closet, then pulled out a new toothbrush and handed it to me. 

I gave him a deadpan stare, “You tryin’ to tell me something?”

He laughed, “No! I just know you’re routine and I have extras.” 

He pulled the toothpaste out of a drawer, put a dab on his brush then stuck it in his mouth. He passed the tube to me once I got the toothbrush out of the packaging. I watched him dig around in another drawer and pull out a hairbrush. It sort of shocked me when he moved to stand at my back and began running it through my hair, completely neglecting the toothbrush that was hanging from his mouth. After sitting the hairbrush down, his fingers got to work, struggling a bit at first, but eventually working the strands into a simple braid. Once he got to the bottom, he reached for my wrist with his free hand and pulled the hair tie off it to twist around the end of the braid. I watched in the mirror as he stood back and rather smugly admired his handy work as he began to brush his teeth. 

After spitting some of the toothpaste out, I turned to him, “Are you trying to ruin me for all other men, Bravo? 

He smirked, “No, not intentionally…but is it working?”

“The jury is still out on that…” 

Once we finished brushing our teeth, I followed him into his closet, which was just as ridiculous as his bathroom. 

“Fucking hell, this is bigger than my bedroom,” I said as I looked around. “Why do you need such a big closet? It’s not even one third of the way full,” I asked with a disbelieving laugh. 

He shrugged, “I don’t, it just came with the house.” He pursed his lips in thought and gave me an odd look before adding, “Room to grow I guess.” 

I felt like he was insinuating something, but I wasn’t sure. Instead, I rolled my eyes as I walked over to the stacks of folded t-shirts on a shelf. I could feel his eyes on me as I flipped through them, smiling over some of the funnier ones. Keeping my back to him, I reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I could hear his breath hitch as I reached back to unhook my bra and allowed it to fall to the floor. I then slid my leggings down, standing there in nothing but my black underwear as I plucked one of his t-shirts from the stack and put it on. 

When I turned toward him, he was standing there staring at me with his arms crossed and an amused expression on his face. I held my hands out with palms up, “Well, whatta ya think? Fits perfectly, no?”

He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared at me, hesitating before allowing his eyes to sweep down my body. He reached up and scratched at his chin, “Fucking is my cardio…really? That’s the one you went for?” 

I laughed, looking down at the shirt, “I think maybe we need to update it…cross out ‘fucking’ and write in ‘dancing’ above it?”

He shook his head as he slowly walked toward me. His voice low, almost teasing, “Oh no, fucking is definitely still part of my cardio routine…though I don’t believe I’ve fucked you properly yet. I’ve taken a more…sensual approach so far…which I’ve found I actually kind of prefer.” 

Our eyes were locked as he reached to cup my cheek, “Somehow you’ve managed to bring out that side of me for the first time ever…and I’m enjoying it more than I thought I could.”

His intense gaze, sultry tone, and sudden vulnerability had me involuntarily clenching my thighs together. The effect he had on my body was insane. I no longer had any control over it. 

“Are you trying to test my limits right now? Because if you are, I’m very close to failing…” 

He laughed as he leaned in to give me a chaste kiss, “Come on honey, let's get you in bed.”

I groaned in protest as he tugged me along behind him toward the bed. After pulling the covers back, he motioned for me to climb in, smacking my ass as I did so - which definitely didn’t do anything to help my current state of arousal. I settled in on my back as he stripped down to his boxer briefs, then turned off the light. After climbing into bed beside me, he tangled his legs with mine. His hand sought out the hem of his t-shirt that I was wearing, snaking up under it to rest around my middle after he pulled me closer to his chest. He nestled his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply then sighing in contentment. 

Moments later, the foot of the bed dipped as Zee jumped up onto it. Dieter sucked air through his teeth, “Oooh shit. We may have a problem here…” 

I chuckled, “Why’s that?”

“You’re in her spot…”

“Oh, that is problematic…”

Zee made her way up the bed, then sat beside me as her tail whipped back and forth. I could feel her eyes on us as she surveyed the current sleeping arrangements. She let out a loud meow as I reached to pet her, hoping to keep peace. I felt Dieter suck in a deep breath and hold it while he waited to see how she would respond. She was still as a statue until I found just the right spot behind her ear. She leaned into the scratches as her eyes drifted shut. She seemed satisfied with my offering, finally moving to snuggle into the crook of my arm opposite Dieter. 

Dieter huffed out a relieved laugh against my neck, “That was nerve wracking. I thought she was about to battle it out with you.” 

I snickered, “Honestly, I thought so too. Good thing I'm comfortable because it doesn't look like I’m moving anytime soon…”

I felt his rumbling laugh against my neck as he shifted, leaning up to give me a chaste kiss goodnight. It wasn’t long before he was asleep, his mouth opened slightly as he snored quietly. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, I could just make out his features from the moonlight streaming in through the windows. His face looked almost childlike as the creases between his brows relaxed and disappeared. His messy curls hung down over his face, adding to the effect. I found myself wondering what he looked like when he was little, wondering if his aquiline nose had the same pronounced curve or if it developed that way over time. He really was beautiful, even with his patchy beard that never seemed to fully grow and slightly graying hair. 

I took some time reflecting on the last several days. Dieter had been so attentive toward me, making sure that I was taken care of and always checking in about my feelings. He had also shown me his vulnerable side several times. I couldn’t believe that he was open about his fears with SNL, admitting how nervous he was the night of the performance. That was something Alec never would have done out of fear that he would look weak. This didn’t make Dieter seem weak to me though. If anything, it showed me how emotionally mature he was and his willingness to be open with me. He really surprised me with that. 

Then there were the moments in his dressing room before the show when it was just us, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Not being afraid to be ourselves out of fear of judgment. He was so unapologetically himself with me and I loved that about him. I loved that he trusted me enough to show his soft and goofy side. He appeared to be welcoming me into his life with open arms and holding nothing back.

I couldn’t help letting my mind wander to all of his past relationships, if that was even the right word. Maybe the term ‘hookups’ was more appropriate? I thought of that actress, Sophie, whatever her name was. A petite redhead with big breasts and a tiny waist. It was hard not to compare myself to her. We were completely different physically. Dieter had said that he wasn’t interested in her, but he had obviously been attracted to something about her at one point. 

I wondered if maybe she was adventurous in bed, if that was the kind of thing he was into? I had never really been like that with anyone, which did worry me some. I couldn’t help thinking that he might eventually get bored with me because I clearly wasn’t like any of these people we had encountered that he had a history with. It didn’t mean that I couldn’t be that way though. There was something about him that made me want to try.

Dieter had a way of making me feel brazen. I could tell he liked it when I was like that, open about how my body reacted to him while teasing his. I enjoyed getting a rise out of him, which only emboldened me further. Maybe that’s all I really needed to hold his attention? To show him that he was wanted.  

It wasn’t like it was hard for me to show how much I wanted him when he does the things that he does. Things like standing there on a nationally televised stage in his ridiculous ‘Plant Daddy’ t-shirt that I had bought for him that happened to fit just perfectly across his chest and snugly around his broad shoulders and sculpted arms as he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. He was completely unconcerned that we were surrounded by dozens of people, mics, and cameras. Not to mention how he changed up that line in his monologue. He liked to push the limits too and he did it because he knew it got a rise out of me. 

All of the teasing between us had turned into a mind-blowing evening once we got back to the hotel. He didn’t hesitate to let me take charge or to be open with me about his desires. There was no guessing with him, he was willing to show me what he liked while also allowing me to try my own thing without making me feel like I was doing something wrong. We worked together, exploring and learning each other's bodies and discovering new things about ourselves in the process. 

Watching Dieter come undone beneath me felt empowering. It actually helped my confidence where it had been so brutally damaged by Alec, often making me feel like our less than satisfying sex life was my fault. Dieter helped me realize it wasn’t and allowed me to find that side of myself again. Seeing him writhing in pleasure because of me, watching his eyes dilate and blow wide as he took in my naked body, it unleashed something in me. Knowing that there was no way he could possibly fake the reaction his body was having to me as he gasped for air through clenched teeth and completely lost his senses should have been enough to calm the unsettling feeling that was suddenly creeping into my gut. It should have been enough to silence my doubts. 

I reasoned with myself that any doubt I was having was because of Alec and the emotional damage he had caused. Dieter was not Alec. He was nothing like him. He made that perfectly clear when he found the vibrator then proceeded to use it as we had sex the following morning. He took his time, asking and learning how I liked it. Then blew my fucking mind. Again, showing me how attentive he was and making sure we both enjoyed the experience. Not at all selfish like Alec. 

It wasn’t even really about the sex or the mind blowing orgasms he somehow managed to draw out of me. It went deeper than that. Through all of it, I could feel an emotional connection with him. It was strong enough that it made my heart feel like it was beating out of my chest. He was already bonding with me in ways that Alec never even tried to. If nothing else settled my doubts, then that should. He told me this meant something to him, and I knew he believed in what he said. 

I also had to consider how protective Dieter had been, even before the dressing room incident. Going so far as to make sure my locks got changed so Alec couldn’t get into the house. He had also put himself between me and the paparazzi at the airport, essentially putting himself in the line of fire. He didn’t have to do any of that. It was obvious he cared about me, and I had no reason to doubt what we were building.  

I now knew I was falling hard and fast for him, and it scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t help being worried about being hurt again, especially after what I had just gone through with Alec. I knew if something went wrong with Dieter, it was going to hurt ten times worse because things had been going so well between us. I knew I needed to stop thinking this way because I had no reason to. I was getting into my head about it. He cared about me and was putting in the work to prove it. That was enough.  

As I glanced back down at his perfectly handsome face, my doubts vanished. He was here with me now, in his bed after asking me to stay. He’s allowing me into parts of his life no one else has been before. He wants me to be part of it. 

Those were my last thoughts as I finally drifted off to sleep. 

Dieter’s POV

On Wednesday morning I awoke to the feeling of Kat’s fingertips drawing circles on my bare skin. I could feel my heartbeat speed up under her touch, relishing in how amazing it felt to wake up to her wrapped around me in my bed. She was laying with her head against my chest and one leg hitched over mine. Zee had somehow managed to worm her way in between my spread legs and was sprawled out on her back, snoring softly. 

I laid there unmoving as I took in the sight before me so that I could commit it to memory. I couldn’t remember ever waking up feeling as complete and happy as I did in that moment. It was something that I had longed for and didn’t even think possible. I felt like my life was finally beginning to turn into what I had always wanted. If this was going to be my new normal, I knew I could die a happy man. 

Kat surprised me with a sleepy “good morning” as she continued to draw circles along my stomach. 

I smiled, “How’d you know I was awake?”

She shifted, propping her chin on her hand to look at me with a smile, “You’re breathing changed…and I could hear your heart rate pick up.”

I chuckled as I reached to push away the loose strands of hair from her face. “I like waking up to you in my bed more than I realized I would,” I confessed. 

She smiled as she leaned into my touch, “I liked waking up in your bed more than I realized I would, too.” 

I sighed, “I can’t wait until we have a day off so we can stay here all day.”

“Hmmm that does sound amazing. Sign me up.” 

I glanced over at the clock, realizing the alarm would be going off soon.

“Hows about I go make you a quick breakfast before you go to rehearsal?” I asked. 

She groaned, “Ugh, I don’t wanna go. The whole cast is probably gonna be all weird and judgy now.” 

My lips set into a tight line, “Is Alec supposed to be there?”

She shook her head, “No, I don’t think so. According to the schedule they sent over they have the two groups rehearsing at different times.” 

“Well, that’s a relief. Doesn’t mean he won’t be lurking around though. Just please be careful. I still don’t trust that asshole.”

She smiled, “Don’t worry, Marc will be there. I’m sure he’ll keep an eye on me.”

I nodded, feigning a stern look, “He better.”

She laughed, “He will…don’t worry.” 

I watched as her eyes explored my face before she asked, “So, what do you have planned this morning?” 

I grimaced, “Well, I have an appointment with my therapist for what I’m sure will be a very interesting session. Her head may explode…” 

“Ooof. Are you gonna tell her about us?”

My hand found the hem of the t-shirt she was still wearing and pulled it upwards so that I could run my fingers along her spine as I took a moment to think about it. 

“Well, I know she’s gonna ask how New York went. She’s been very curious about our relationship from the beginning…” 

Kat smirked, “Oh really? And why’s that?” 

I chewed on my lip as heat crept into my cheeks. Oh well, no sense in hiding it now. 

“Aside from the fact that I was actually building a friendship with someone new, I think she could sense that I was attracted to you. I did eventually fess up to it in one of our more recent sessions.”

Her smile widened, “You’ve been talking to your therapist about me this whole time?”

I swallowed thickly and nodded, “Yes. Does that bother you?”

She shook her head, “No…not at all. What does she say about me?”

I chuckled, “I’m pretty sure she’s a closet Deiterina Stan…”

Kat laughed loudly at that. I knew it would get her. 

Once she settled, I continued, “I’m only half joking. She’s…actually been very positive and supportive of our friendship and encouraged me to tell you how I was feeling once I realized it. She thinks you’re a positive influence and good for me. I tend to agree with that assessment.” 

Her brows furrowed as her eyes turned glassy. She pulled herself upwards to lean in closer for a needy kiss. I deepened it before she pulled away, slightly breathless as she smiled down at me. 

“I’m actually happy she feels that way. I was a bit worried she would think it’s too soon for you to pursue anything.” 

I hugged her tighter against me, “Na, I’m in a good place. Really. I’m nearly ten months sober. She’s been happy with my progress. Especially since I started the show…it’s kept me busy and gave me a little more purpose…and you.” 

She smiled, leaning in for another kiss just as my alarm went off. That was Zee’s cue to get up, stretching her legs outward as she made her way up the bed to greet us while I turned to shut the alarm off. After a few minutes of kitty snuggles, we finally got out of bed. I ran to Kat’s car to get her bag out so she could get ready for the professionals morning rehearsal while I made us a quick breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast. I was rinsing a small bowl of fruit off when she walked into the kitchen with a smile, coming up behind me to wrap her arms around my waist and giving me a peck on the cheek. 

“Need help with anything?” she asked as she rested her chin against my shoulder. 

I shook my head as I shut the water off, “Nope, just finishing up actually.” 

When I turned around, I found Zee stealthily inching down the counter toward the plate of bacon. I sighed, shooing her away while muttering about her being nothing but a pain in the ass as Kat laughed. I then realized Kat was still wearing my ‘Fucking is my cardio’ t-shirt, only she had tied it into a knot in the back and added some leggings to go with it. Something about the thought of her wearing my clothes in public made my dick twitch. 

I gave her a flirty smirk, “You’re here one night and you’re already stealing my clothes and wearing them in public.”

She shrugged, “You’ll get over it. Besides, if they want to stare and gossip during rehearsals, might as well give them something to look at. Maybe Someone will tell Alec that I suddenly have a proclivity for fucking.”

I snorted out a laugh. That certainly wasn’t the response I was expecting, but I fucking loved it. 

“This might be a sign you’re spending too much time with me…but I’m not complaining. I also like the thought of you being in my clothes when I’m not around. It’s kind of sexy…” 

She gave me a sly smile, “Good. You can think about that while you’re telling your therapist how I rode you senseless when we were in New York.” 

I nearly choked on my own spit as she turned to pile food on her plate with the devious grin still on her face.

“You’ve definitely been spending too much time with me, but I like it,” I finally said through a laugh, suddenly feeling incredibly turned on by her dirty sense of humor. I gave her a grabby pat on the ass before turning my attention to breakfast. We ate quickly and in silence because Kat needed to get to the dance studio. After a rather passionate goodbye kiss and ear scratches for Zee, she was on her way with a promise to see me for our evening rehearsal. 

I couldn’t stop smiling over how our morning had gone as I got ready for and drove to my therapy session. I really hoped this would be our new normal because it was everything. If every day started this way there’s no way I would ever go back to my dark place. 

Dr. Smith seemed to sense my good mood as soon as I sat down across from her. She gave me a genuine smile as she asked how I was feeling today. 

I had to work hard to wipe the goofy grin off my face as I responded, “I’m…good today.”

Her eyes scanned over me, briefly stopping on my clasped hands in my lap. My hands were still, but my thumbs were going to war with each other as I struggled to find something to do with my excess energy. 

She narrowed her eyes slightly as they finally met mine. Her head tilted to the side, “So, how did New York go?”

Fuck. Am I that transparent? She totally knows. I laughed nervously, “I mean, it went…good. SNL went really well. I seem to be back on good terms with the cast. They wanna have me back sometime, so that’s exciting…It was a lot of work with all the rehearsals for both shows, but we survived it.” 

She pursed her lips, tilting her head the opposite direction as she studied me. “How did things go with Kat?” 

And there it is. Getting right to it. “Ummm, good. It was nice to get away from all the drama that LA brings with it. We had a good time.” 

She smiled, “Good again, huh? Everything is just…good?”

I grimaced, now scratching at my beard as I thought how best to respond. She didn’t give me the chance. 

“I saw the open mic videos that are circulating online. You wanna tell me about those?”

Fuck fuck fuck. I shrugged, “Well…there’s not much to tell. We went out with the SNL cast and got roped into doing it.” 

She nodded, “And your performance on Monday?”

I just stared at her. I didn’t know where she was going with this. I knew she was doing that thing where she talked me into a hole that I couldn’t dig myself out of. I shrugged as I gave her a hesitant smile, “What about it?”

She gave me a soft smile, “Dieter, I’m not blind. I can tell something has changed between you and Kat since I saw you last. Did you tell her how you were feeling?”

The pressure was getting to me. I sighed before blurting out in a rush, “Ok fine we had sex.” 

More word vomit. I didn’t have to tell her that part. Fucking hell Bravo. 

Her eyes widened as she leaned back in the chair, digesting what I had just said. 

“Ok, well, I wasn’t expecting that… I thought maybe you just had a conversation.”

I started squeezing and unsqueezing my hands into fists over and over, now feeling like I had done something wrong. It was one of my nervous ticks. She noticed it immediately. 

She held out her hand and placed it atop mine, “Please relax. I’m not upset with you. Just tell me what happened.” 

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “Well…the studio had us sharing a suite. So, we were together almost every second of the day while we were there. By the end of the week…there was just a crazy tension between us. She had ended things with Alec before we left, so I was feeling a little more confident about putting myself out there and I did. It was after the open mic thing…we were rehearsing our dance on the terrace of our suite. The tension had kind of reached a boiling point by then and she kissed me. It went on from there…I let her lead things.”

Her brows arched, “So she kissed you then you had sex?” 

I nodded, suddenly feeling I had maybe slipped into old habits and handled things with Kat all wrong.

“I made sure first you know…that she knew that it meant something to me. I told her and asked her if she was sure. We talked after and I stayed with her that night. It happened a couple more times before we came back to LA.”

Her brows furrowed. Yeah, this doesn’t sound good, Bravo. 

“Fuck…it was different with her, ok? We…ugh fuck.” I rubbed at the bridge of my nose. I was getting a headache. 

“We had a connection. It was…emotional and intimate…it wasn’t just sex.” 

She arched a brow at me to continue. 

I sighed, “We haven’t had sex since we’ve been back. She stayed with me last night and I told her I didn’t want to…that I didn’t want it to be about that. I swear, I’m trying really hard to do this the right way. I really do care about her. I just don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”   

Dr. Smith held a neutral expression, not giving me anything when she asked, “What did you do last night?”

The question took me by surprise, “Umm…well we had rehearsal most of the day. Then we went to my place, and I cooked dinner for her. We sat outside in a lounger by the fire pit after…talking and watching the sunset. Then we went to bed.” 

She narrowed her eyes, “So, you two slept in the same bed?”

I nodded, “Yeah, she slept with me and my cat.” 

“And you didn’t have sex?”

I shook my head, “No. Just cuddled.” 

Her eyebrow ticked upward slightly, “And what about this morning? How did things go? Any of the awkwardness you always worry about?”

I shook my head, “No. We spent a few minutes cuddling and talking about our day…then snuggled the cat. I made breakfast while she got ready… we ate…she kissed me and Zee goodbye then left for the studio.”

Dr. Smith chewed on the inside of her cheek, almost looking like she was fighting a smile. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. She was making me so fucking anxious. She leaned forward, placing an elbow on her knee, “How much have you told her about your feelings?” 

Again, not the question I expected. She was confusing the fuck out of me.

“I- umm…didn’t tell her exactly how I feel…only that I have feelings for her. I didn’t wanna throw the ‘L’ word out this soon and freak her out, ya know?” 

She nodded, “And how did you feel after she left this morning?” 

I looked down at my fisted hands in my lap. They relaxed some as that goofy uncontrollable grin slid across my face. 

“I felt…happy. I would give anything to have all my mornings be like that…and my nights. Being with her makes me feel…alive…and complete.” 

I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming feeling that caused my eyes to prickle with the threat of tears. It was good tears though.

Dr. Smith smiled, “I think you’ve made more progress than you realize. It seems you’ve gotten your impulsive tendencies under control and I’m happy to see you’re working on your aversion to intimacy. All of this time that you’re spending with Kat talking, touching, learning…without involving sex…is the type of intimacy that you need and what you’ve been denying yourself of for so long. I’m proud of you for realizing that and following through with it. I can tell that having this kind of connection to someone is changing you for the better. You seem more confident and open about your feelings which can only aid you in creating a solid foundation with her.”

I was a little stunned at her praise. Any anxiety or doubts I had quickly dissipated.

She continued, “Given that, I do want to make sure you're expanding this growth to others in your life. I don’t want your happiness to depend on Kat. I want you to have happiness in the rest of your relationships too. Continue to build up your support system and bond with each of them.” 

I nodded, “I’ve been trying…not that I have a very big circle right now…but those relationships feel strong. It’s been nice having Evan back on board. We’ve patched things up pretty well I think.”

She nodded, “That’s good to hear. I’m happy that it's been working out so well with him.” 

She paused, seeming unsure about where she wanted to go next. She finally asked, “I assume you and Kat are keeping your relationship to yourselves?” 

I nodded, “Yeah…because of Alec.”

“How have things been with him since you guys got back from New York?” 

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, “Uhh…not good. We had…another confrontation on Monday after the show.” 

Her brows furrowed, “What kind of confrontation?” 

I sighed, “He was waiting for Kat in her dressing room and attacked her…One of the other couples came to get me after they saw him. When I finally got in, he was choking her. I shoved him off her…”

I really didn’t want to get into the rest of it because I knew where this conversation was going.

“What happened after that?” Dr. Smith prodded.

I puffed air out of my cheeks knowing she wasn’t going to let it go. My hands fisted in my lap again. I could feel my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands. 

“I uhhh, I pinned him on the floor and hit him a few times…then tried to strangle him…I think. I’m not really sure what I was doing or thinking…I kind of blacked out in a blind rage when I saw what he was doing to Kat.” 

Her lips set into a tight line, “What stopped you?” 

I stared at my clenched fists, “One of the other dancers pulled me off him.”

“Did Kat go to the police?” 

I shook my head, “No. She was worried the police report would get out to the media. She’s not wrong, it probably would’ve. She said I scared the shit out of him…so she doesn’t think he’ll try anything like that again.” 

Dr. Smith gave me an empathetic look, “That’s never happened with you before, has it?”

I shook my head, “I mean, I went off on my dad a few times…but that’s it. I’m not a violent person.” 

She nodded, “I know you’re not…which is why I’m concerned about how that incident affected you. Did it trigger any type of trauma response?” 

I can’t fucking do this. “Can we just not go there today? I’m having a good day. I don’t wanna ruin it…”

She nodded, “Yeah, we can save it for next week if you want. So long as it’s not triggering anything.” 

I shook my head, “No, not actively.” 

“Ok. Next week then.” 

We didn’t have much time left after that. We spent the last few minutes catching up on everything that happened in New York then called it a day. As I walked to the car, I chose to focus on the positive parts of that session, because I knew dwelling on the stuff about my past would sour my good mood quickly. 

Just as I arrived back at the house, my phone lit up with a call from my agent, Lenny. 

“Hey Lenny, what’s up?” I asked as I answered. 

There was a brief moment of crackling static on the other end, “Hey D, I just wanted to check in and see how things are going?” 

“Everything’s fine, why?” These “check in” calls always put me on edge. They usually meant I was about to be in trouble over something. 

“No reason. I just wanted to catch up and let you know that we’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback about SNL. It’s definitely catching people’s attention. So is the feedback from the cast. They’re singing your praises.” 

I couldn’t fight my smile. It made me feel good to hear something positive in relation to my work for once. 

“That’s actually nice to hear. I had a lot of fun working with them this time around. They kept me very involved with every step. I really enjoyed it.” 

“I really think this is the beginning of things turning around for your career. We just gotta keep that positive buzz going, ya know? You’ve been doing really well, and I think this helped people see that. You were really on top of your game Saturday. The fans are loving the dancing stuff too by the way. Pairing you with Kat has worked out well.”  

My smile widened as I rubbed the back of my neck, “Yeah, Kat’s been great. I love working with her. I’m glad you talked me into doing the show…it’s been a lot of fun.” 

Lenny cleared his throat nervously, “Speaking of Kat…I saw those videos of you two singing together…” 

My brows furrowed. I wasn’t sure where this was going.

“OooK? And?” I asked. 

“Well, the agency has noticed that those videos are getting a lot of attention…do you think she would be open to doing more stuff like that? For publicity?” 

I sighed, frustrated by the turn in conversation. “I’m not gonna use Kat for publicity for my career.”

Lenny chuckled, “Aren’t you kind of doing that already?” 

I got out of my car and began pacing the driveway, “The only thing I want her involved in is publicity for the show that we are working on together. I won’t ask her for more than that…or trick her into doing anything more than that. I’m not gonna take advantage of her in that way.” 

Lenny sighed, “Fine…OK. I get it. It doesn’t have to be with her though. Maybe you could do some Instagram Lives again and sing a little. The fans would eat that shit up.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I dunno about that, Len. I would feel awkward.” 

Lenny huffed into the phone, “D, you used to do them all the time. What’s the big deal?” 

I paused my pacing and ran my hand down my face, “The big deal is that I was usually cracked out of my mind and acting like a fool. I didn’t give two shits about how it looked or what people thought about my psychotic rants or partying. I’m not that guy anymore.” 

“That’s exactly WHY you should do it. Show the world the NEW Dieter Bravo. If it’s what the fans want, give it to them.” 

I sighed, “So you want me to do Lives and sing? Seriously?” 

“Fuck yes. Sing, play your guitar…hell, I’d settle for watching you re-pot a plant…get creative like I know you can be. We need to start getting you out there more. Your fan base is growing like crazy thanks to the ballroom dance shit, so we need to take advantage of that and keep them hooked.” 

This was making me anxious. I needed to end the conversation. “I’ll think about it, OK? I dunno how I feel about it.” 

Lenny sighed, “Fine, think about it…but just do it. And if Kat happens to be involved in any way, the agency will not complain…just so you know.” 

I scoffed, “Fuck off with that. I told you, I’m not using her for that shit.” 

Lenny chuckled, “OK… fine, fine. Look, I’ve gotta go to a meeting. I’ll check back in with you in a few days.” 

I rolled my eyes again, “Yeah, you go do that. Talk soon. Bye.” 

I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I hung up. I was beyond annoyed with him after that conversation. I shook my head as I walked inside, deciding not to give the topic any more thought. 

Kat and I had our late rehearsal that afternoon. She brought in some props for us to use like we planned so that it would be a little more authentic and not just us pretending to remove pieces of clothing and dancing around non-existent furniture throughout the routine, because yes, we were totally going there. This performance was definitely going to push some boundaries, and we were one hundred percent rolling with it because why the fuck not? 

Once we were done for the day, Kat came back to my place. We had leftovers for dinner then spent the rest of our time cuddling and talking. Our evening went basically the same as the previous one. We seemed to be settling into a routine of sorts. I loved getting to know her like this, laughing with her, and watching her with Zee. I couldn’t have asked for anyone more perfect for me if I tried. 

Thursday was filming day. We of course had to watch ourselves, especially with the sexiness of this week’s dance. I tried to keep things light with jokes and just making a general ass of myself. My nonsense started when Kat left the room for a quick bathroom break. I put on the long flowy wrap skirt with a Velcro closure that she was using to rehearse in. When she returned, she was greeted by me swishing around the room. I briefly paused, giving her a dainty curtsy complete with a raised pinky, which caused her to wheeze in laughter. The rehearsal was nothing but fits of giggles after that, especially when I struggled through some of the more complicated lift combos and when we tripped over each other’s feet during the intertwining leg moves that Kat had us doing. Even the film crew was having a hard time keeping it together. I could only hope it came across as two friends having fun and struggling to be serious with a sexy dance rather than two people who were in a secret relationship and doing far more intimate things in their spare time. 

Kat came home with me again that night. I encouraged her to relax on the couch as I made dinner for us. Zee joined her, stretching out for belly rubs while she waited to be fed too. Kat hadn’t said anything, but I could tell she wasn’t feeling that well. I couldn’t help worrying that the long hours of dancing were getting to her. I needed to do better about making sure she was taking care of herself. I didn’t want her to neglect her self-care because she was spending too much time with me. Even if that meant I had to take care of her myself. 

After she crawled into bed that night, I took a few minutes to do just that. I started with a foot massage, taking special care to avoid that certain spot that I knew would get her worked up. It wasn’t about that tonight. I just wanted her to relax and find some relief for her aching joints. I eventually moved up to her calf and worked my way up from there before switching to the other leg. 

She watched me intently for a time. Eventually settling back into the pillows and humming to herself as she closed her eyes. As my hand slid up to the upper half of her leg and began to massage there, the slight pressing together of her thighs didn’t go unnoticed. I chuckled quietly as my fingertips kneaded a little deeper into the meaty area. 

She sighed, “I know you’re not purposely trying to, but you’re torturing me…just a little bit.” 

I laughed, moving both hands to her hip to massage there. “I can tell. My apologies. I’ll avoid the inner thigh next time.” 

She hummed in satisfaction, “Next time? You’re spoiling me, you know that right? I’m ruined.” 

I smiled, crawling up her body to bury my face in her chest and inhale her intoxicating citrus and plum scent that I never seemed to get enough of. “Good. That’s my goal. You deserve it.” 

Her hands tangled in my hair as her nails gently scratched my scalp. We sat like that in a comfortable silence. Just feeling each other. The warmth of her skin and the steady thump of her heartbeat under my ear lulled me into a stupor, making me feel calm and peaceful. The gaping hole that I had felt in my heart for most of my life now seemed nonexistent and it was because of her. I no longer felt like I was lost. I was home. 

My arms tightened against her sides as I considered that thought, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of relief that had a lump forming in my throat. I took a few deep breaths, pushing the tears away that were threatening to seep out. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling, but I held it back - still afraid that it was too soon. 

When I raised my head to meet her gaze, my chest felt like it was going to burst over how fucking perfect she was. I wasn’t sure what my expression held, but she picked up on my emotional state causing her fingers to still their movements. Her brows pinched together. “You OK?” she asked. 

I had to clear the lump away in my throat before I spoke. “Yeah…I’m just getting tired. You ready to go to bed?” 

Her eyes searched my face for a brief moment before she nodded and withdrew her arms from around my shoulders so I could get up to switch off the light. Afterward, I crawled back into the bed, settling in at her back before pulling her body snugly against my front. She drifted off quickly, her breathing slowing as she relaxed further into me. I had a harder time finding sleep that night as my thoughts ran wild with possibilities for our future. There was no question about it, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I wanted it to start now. However, I knew that was my impulsive nature talking. I needed to take this slow and continue to follow her lead. If this was going to work, it needed to be on her timeline, not mine.

Friday morning Kat awoke feeling groggy and stiff. I had a feeling she felt worse than she let on, but she insisted she would be alright once she started moving around. I got up to get a hot shower going while she took a few minutes to do some gentle stretches. She joined me afterward, yawning before snaking her arms around my waist and leaning against my chest as she stood under the hot spray. 

My fingers went to her hair, working the water through it until it was saturated. My hands then found their way to her face, cupping her cheeks as I took in her expression. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling OK? Maybe we should cut our rehearsal time down today?”

She shrugged, “We’ll see how it goes. I’m just having a slow start…I think.”

I sighed, “If you need a break today I think it would be OK. We’ve got it down pretty good so far…”

She put a finger over my lips to silence me, “I’m feeling better already. Relax.”

I rolled my eyes and nodded, dropping the subject and focused my attention on washing her hair. She did seem to be feeling better by the time we were done showering, which helped alleviate some of my concern. However, a few hours into rehearsal, it was clear she was running out of steam. The occasional wince and constant shifting on her feet told me she was uncomfortable and most likely having joint pain. 

By the time we were down to our last hour and a half of studio time, I called it. She protested as I sat down on the floor with my arms and legs crossed like a petulant child and refused to do anything else. She finally relented and started packing up as she reluctantly admitted she was feeling like shit. I wanted to take her home with me and take care of her, but she wasn’t having it. She decided instead to go to her house and “sleep it off”. I wasn’t happy about it but agreed. I was saddened by the fact that she wouldn’t allow me to help in any way and also by the fact that she wouldn’t be staying with me that night. I was already getting used to having her in my bed. The mere thought of her not being there was already making me feel anxious. 

I ended up breaking our self-imposed rules and pulled her into the small one person bathroom as we were about to leave. I needed to feel her, if only for a brief moment before we parted for the evening. She scolded me, but that didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around my neck as I leaned in for a fiery kiss. It helped dampen my anxiousness, but it was only temporary. 

Once we finally broke apart, she exited the bathroom and scanned the area for any nosey onlookers. Finding none, she gave me the all clear to come out behind her. We said our polite goodbyes after that. Then we were on our way to our respective homes. 

The anxious feeling quickly returned when I walked into my house alone. I had to keep myself busy catching up on some much needed plant care in an attempt to drown out the lonely feeling that kept creeping in. Even Zee seemed to be moping around, lacking her usual enthusiasm for dinner and play time. 

The minutes seemed to be dragging on painfully slow as I ran out of things to keep me occupied. I ended up spending the rest of the evening in my studio working on one of the several paintings I had started of my new muse. It was nearing midnight when I finally decided to go to bed, even though I was still feeling amped up. I really wanted to text Kat and see how she was feeling, but didn’t want to chance waking her up if she was asleep. It was almost maddening. 

My sleep that night was restless. I had tossed and turned so much that Zee got mad and left the bedroom. I felt groggy when the alarm woke me from my light sleep the next morning. I was staring at the ceiling and feeling almost ridiculous over the fact that not having Kat here was affecting me this much when my phone pinged. I couldn’t help smiling when I saw her name pop up on the screen. I grabbed my phone, realizing I had a few texts from random numbers that I didn’t even bother to look at. Hers was the only one I cared about.

Kit Kat: I should have just gone home with you. Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine. 😞

My smile widened as I hit the call button.

Her voice was muffled when she answered, like she had her face buried in a pillow. I chuckled, “Thanks for the tip, honey. Now I know what argument to use next time.” 

She huffed, “Shush you. I didn’t wanna be a burden.”

I sighed knowing that was probably the way Alec often made her feel, “You’re never a burden. I’d just put your ass to bed and go downstairs so you could sleep. Problem solved.”

She laughed as I continued, “OR…or…I’d crawl into bed and sleep it off with you. A little extra sleep never hurt anyone. Seriously though, are you feeling better?”

I could hear the blankets rustling as she moved around, “Umm, maybe. Not as achy, but still a little stiff.” 

“Do you wanna hold off on rehearsal and rest some more?” I asked.

She scoffed, “Absolutely not. It’s our last rehearsal day. There are a couple of things we need to nail down before tomorrow.”

I rolled my eyes, “Ok, fine. I’m gonna bring you some herbal tea though. No complaining. You’re gonna drink it and like it. It’ll help.” 

She sighed dramatically, “Yes, sir. Whatever you say.”  

I groaned, “Please don’t talk like that or else I’m gonna get hard.” 

She snickered, “Sorry. I’ll behave. I’ll see you at the studio here shortly, yeah?”

“Yep. I’ll bring you some breakfast too. Just worry about gettin’ yourself there.”

I could hear the smile in her voice as she replied with a breathy, “Yes, sir.” 

I raked a hand down my face, feeling that familiar rush of blood to my dick, “Damnit.”

“Enjoy your morning shower,” she said with a laugh. 

“Yeah yeah…bye. See you soon, sweetheart.” 

After a very cold shower, I got ready, fed Zee, made Kat’s tea, then headed out. As promised, I stopped to pick up some breakfast on the way. I found Kat already stretching when I walked in. She looked like she felt a little better at least. 

After eating, we got to it, working out the last of the minor kinks that we kept running into with the lifts. By the end of our rehearsal session, we were successfully executing the routine perfectly each time and were feeling pretty confident about it. The only concern we had was that the producers might want us to tone down the sexual nature of it. My thought was to tell them to fuck off because they picked the song. It was their fault. 

Once rehearsal was over, we had to make our way over to Television City Studios for spray tan night. There was no getting out of it this week unfortunately. It was obvious that gossip was spreading throughout the staff and cast based on the general vibes toward us. What that gossip was, we had no idea. I assumed it was mostly to do with the Alec confrontation. Everyone was nice of course, but the looks being passed around told us things were being said. 

The weird vibes seemed to intensify when Alec and Lana showed up. We hadn’t seen him since the incident, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. His face was definitely banged up more than I thought it would be - with a black eye, busted lip, and bruised jaw. I couldn’t help feeling a little satisfaction from that. He deserved far worse. 

I could feel Kat tensing beside me when she caught sight of Alec. I placed my hand on the small of her back for reassurance, which caused her to lean into me and focus her attention elsewhere. Marc and Stefanie joined us, checking in with Kat to see how she was doing. I was only half paying attention, keeping my eye on the asshole, watching as Lana seemed to try and sooth him. It was obvious his usual crowd wasn’t being as friendly with him. I hoped that meant they were finally seeing what kind of person he was. He deserved to lose everything. 

Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long. A PA sought us out and explained that they would take care of us first from now on so we could get out of there in an effort to keep Kat away from Alec. Clearly Stacia and Joe had shared some information with the staff, but who knew how much? The rumors were probably getting pretty wild at this point. I could only imagine what was going to eventually hit the tabloids. 

After reminding Kat about my comfortable bed, she came home with me after that. We ordered some to-go food from the Greek diner on the way and had that for dinner. I encouraged her to go get some rest after we ate. She protested, but still followed me upstairs and allowed me to put her into one of my oversized t-shirts and braid her hair before pulling back the covers and urging her to lay down. Zee joined her almost immediately and snuggled into her side so that I could tuck them both in. I sat on the edge of the bed, pushing a few loose strands of hair back as she smiled up at me. 

“I feel weird coming over here just to sleep,” she finally said. 

I rolled my eyes, “It’s fine. I like that you wanna be here, even if you are using me for my orthopedic mattress.” 

She snorted out a laugh, “You know that’s not the only reason I’m here. I…I feel safe here…with you.” 

My lips set into a tight line. I hated that she ever had to feel unsafe. “You can stay here as long as you want. I don’t mind. I actually…” 

I paused, suddenly feeling vulnerable, but decided to say what I was thinking anyway. 

“I feel less lonely when you’re here.” 

She gave me a misty-eyed smile as she reached for my hand and brought it to her lips. I gave her a soft smile in return, rubbing my thumb over the tops of her fingers.

“Now, you rest. I think I’m gonna go paint for a bit, then I’ll come to bed.” 

After leaning down to give her and Zee a quick kiss on the top of the head, I disappeared to my studio. I started a new painting that night. It was of Kat, of course, lying on her side facing away in the creamy colored bedding that contrasted so perfectly with the golden brown skin of her bare back. Her chestnut hair wild and fanning out around her head. I made sure to add the two small freckles on her left shoulder blade that I loved to kiss so much as well as the subtle definition of her toned muscles that I always found to be so fucking sexy. I worked to get the curve of her hip just right as the sheet draped off it. 

She really did have the body of a goddess, full and curvy but still firm and perfectly sculpted from a life spent on the dance floor. It was feminine, yet exuded strength. I was almost certain she could crush my head with her thighs if she wanted to, which was sort of a turn on if I was being honest.

My intense concentration was broken by my phone pinging with a text message. It was another random number. I glanced at it, someone wanting to get together to party after seeing me on SNL. I had started getting a lot of these all of a sudden. Since none of the numbers were saved, I knew it couldn’t be anyone good. I had cleared out my contacts list after rehab for a reason. I rolled my eyes, then blocked the number. 

Realizing it was nearing 10:30 PM, I decided to head to bed. I made an effort to be quiet as I went through my nightly routine. Kat didn’t seem fazed in the slightest as I crawled into bed behind her to be the big spoon. She sunk back into my embrace as I put my arm around her and Zee, who was still snuggled against her chest. Once her scent invaded my senses, I was out. 

I woke up the next morning nose to nose with Kat. Her eyes were on my face as her fingers combed through the mess that I knew my hair had to be. She gave me a toothy smile as she told me ‘Good morning’. I responded by pulling her into a passionate kiss that lasted several minutes, finally breaking away because we really needed to get up. It was show day, so we couldn’t get behind schedule.  

We drove to the studio separately to keep up appearances. I took a detour for coffee mostly so we didn’t show up at the same time. We ended up being pretty early, but the crew was ready to get started once I got there. Kat and I talked through the music arrangement with the band Director, then got started on our first run through for camera blocking and lighting. The routine was definitely getting everyone’s attention. 

Kat and I caught Stacia and Joe watching from the back of the ballroom. A nervous look passed between us, waiting for the chat to tell us to tone it down some, but that talk never came. The rest of the cast began filtering into the ballroom just as we were finishing up our third and final run through. We finished up to a few whoops and whistles from some of them. Most of the ruckus seemed to be coming from Marc and Stefanie. Marc gave me a pat on the back as we walked off the dance floor as he and Stefanie praised us. I was slowly forming a new appreciation for them as we exited to go to our costume fitting. 

After putting on my black pants, I didn’t bother to button up the shirt before walking out to the fitting area where Kat and Amy were discussing the minor additions to her costume that would be removed throughout the performance. She turned to me, holding out two skirt options that would fit over her original black lace costume, asking which one I thought would be best. We ended up going through those moves of the dance to test them out. We settled on a lightweight silky one. 

After that, I was standing in front of the three panel mirror as Kat fussed with my open shirt and explained what we needed. Amy decided to use some sticky Velcro strips to close it up rather than the buttons so that Kat could easily yank it open at the right moment. Once Amy got everything sorted and fastened, Kat shocked me a little by coming up behind me, grasping the shirt in her hands, and ripping it open without warning. She rested her chin on my shoulder as she laughed out, “I think that’ll get the job done.”  

I snorted out a laugh, as our eyes locked in the mirror. She had a mischievous grin on her face as she pulled the shirt open further and allowed her eyes to travel downward. She raised an eyebrow as she focused on my middle section. 

I shrugged, “I think the spray tan lady gave me better abs. They were there this morning.” 

It was Kat’s turn to snort out a laugh as she ran her hands down my stomach, “No, they were there already…she just did a little contouring.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Whatever. I mean, I’ve lost weight but I dunno about that.” 

She leaned in closer to my ear, “I’d still hit it with or without them.” 

My breath hitched as I glanced over at Amy who seemed to be in deep conversation with an assistant, then I looked back to Kat who was still giving me that mischievous smile. She was playing with fire today. 

I tilted my head to whisper in her direction, “Better watch yourself Kitten, or else I’ll do just that.” 

She was still standing pressed to my back when I felt a hand grab my ass. She gave me a cheeky grin before letting go and turning toward Amy and her assistant to ask for a black tie and suit jacket to go with my costume. After changing out of our costumes, Amy rushed them back for the minor alterations needed. Then we were off to hair and makeup. 

We managed to nab our favorite hair and makeup team, which we were happy about. Those ladies were always a good time, making the process a lot more bearable. Kat opted to wear her hair down in soft waves again this week, rubbing it in as the hair gel was slathered onto my head to slick my hair back in that way they loved doing to all the guys. 

As I watched Kat interact with everyone, I could see a notable change in her. She seemed more carefree and happier than she had been during those first few weeks, openly joking around and having fun with those around her. I briefly wondered if she ever had this in prior seasons - the freedom to be herself. If she hadn’t, it made me sad knowing that she never fully got it until the end. She deserved so much better than she got. 

I was drawn from my thoughts by Kat suggesting to Samantha that I should wear some mascara and a smidge of eyeliner. I furrowed my brows at her and started laughing. 

“You’re not serious?” I asked. 

She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, fighting a smile as she nodded. Holly glanced up from Kat’s hair and smiled, “I agree. That’d be hot.” 

Kat waggled her eyebrows at me, “Yeah, see. It’s hot…”

Samantha gave me a questioning look and I shrugged, “If that’s what my girl wants, that’s what she gets.” 

I realized too late what I had actually said, causing me to grimace slightly. Kat’s eyes widened before she laughed it off. Samantha and Holly seemed unfazed by it, laughing along and getting back to work. 

We got held up with our costumes for a bit as they perfected the last minute changes we requested. By the time they got that figured out, we were the last couple to do final dress rehearsals. Luckily a lot of the cast had cleared out by then since they were finished, so we didn’t have to worry about too big of an audience. We ended up having to go through the routine a couple more times than we normally did to work out the kinks with the costumes since they were a little different from what we had been using in rehearsal. Once that was figured out, we nailed it. 

We didn’t have long before the show started after that. Kat and I were the fourth couple to perform, so we were already in the staging area waiting. She had to do a quick change after the opening professionals performance then immediately joined me again so that we could start our pre-performance ritual. I grabbed Kat’s phone to pick a song and began laughing before I even hit play.

🎶Listen to Dieter's Song Choice Here🎶

Kat narrowed her eyes at me as the hip-hop beat filled her wired earbud. I was already moving to the music by the time she realized what the song was. Her face flushed red and she fought to hold in laughter as she shook her head at me. 

I started mouthing along with the words as I grabbed her hands to get her to move with me, “I take you to the candy shop, I let you lick the lollipop.” 

She shushed me through her giggles, going along and moving with me to the beat. It wasn’t exactly a hype song, but it allowed us to have some fun and shake off the nerves before we got the signal to head to the dance floor. 

🎶Listen to Performance Song Here🎶

We took our places, me standing with a suit jacket casually thrown over my shoulder with Kat in front of me as a light fog surrounded us. After a flourish of her arms as the song started, her hands slid down the sides of my face to my chest.

You put a spell on me / I’m losing my mind

She turned, walking away suggestively and beckoning me with a finger. I threw the jacket down and followed behind her. Then our back and forth power struggle began as I caught up to her, capturing her arm for a spin and pulling her backside to my front.

You better stop these things / It’s a matter of time before I hunt you down, grab your chin, kiss your lips. / You bring me back, I lay you down, and grab your hips, and we lose all control.

We swayed in unison as she turned her face toward mine, my hand capturing her chin and pressing the side of my mouth against hers. My hands found their way to her hips as we did a deep circular rotation with them in unison before spinning her to face me for the next verse. 

And then before you know, I put a spell on you, and now you’re mine. / I’ve got a hold on you, at least for tonight.

We swayed, staring into each other's eyes as my hands caressed her face. We transitioned into an intertwining leg combo before she spun away from me, her hand cupping my cheek before sliding down and pulling the loose tie from around my neck to take with her.

You know I can’t help myself as you ask tenderly / If I’d dim the lights as your hand brushes me / Then the floor swallows your clothes, and your silhouette puts on a show

With a flourish of my hands and a snap, the lights dimmed. A spotlight dropped down on Kat as she discarded the tie and began a slow and seductive roll of her body. Pulling the newly added silky skirt loose as she spun and dropping it to the floor before moving toward me and kicking her leg up for the lift onto my shoulder.

You give me fever, drive me insane / You got me going in circles with potions and bottles and I can’t escape / I can’t escape / I’m lost in your ways

We transitioned into a salida, our foot work completely in sync before Kat moved her legs in a swivel, sliding her arms to my neck as mine tightened under her arms and around her back. Her feet spread wide so that they were inches off the floor as I leaned forward and spun us in a circle.

You put a spell on me / I’m losing my mind / You better stop these games / It’s a matter of time before I hunt you down, grab your chin, kiss your lips. / You bring me back, I lay you down, and grab your hips, and we lose all control.

As I gently placed her back on the floor, she grabbed my waist, turning me away from her so that she could rip my shirt open similar to the way she had in the dressing room earlier. After pulling the shirt off and discarding it on the floor, things only got more sensual as we moved across the ballroom as one. Hands sliding across each other's bare skin as our foreheads pressed together. Lips brushing as she twisted and swiveled around me. I spun her, her back to my front again for the deep circular rotation of our hips before moving into the tango walk.

I put a spell on you, and now you’re mine. / I’ve got a hold on you, at least for tonight…At least for tonight.

For the final part, we transitioned into another lift as I spun her around and gently lowered her to her knees on top of the fake bed we had requested as a prop. After dipping her backwards at the waist and doing half a rotation, she popped back up into our finishing pose with her hands on my face and our lips near touching as the lights quickly dimmed to black causing a deafening round of applause. 

Kat managed to sneak an actual kiss in before the lights came back on. There was something incredibly thrilling about it, knowing that all eyes were on us but they couldn’t see anything in that brief moment. It had me wanting her so badly. I was ready to leave without getting our scores. 

It was time to chat with the judges after that. They mainly focused on how sexy the performance was, going so far as to make jokes about fines for not meeting the show rating standards. They mentioned how our chemistry seemed to evolve more and more each week and was now exploding off the charts. It left me wondering how much longer we could keep this thing between us under wraps if we couldn’t hide it on the dance floor. 

I had a hard time concentrating on anything except Kat during our interview. My arm was around her shoulders while she had placed one around my waist. I hadn’t bothered to put my shirt back on, so I could feel every inch of her pressing against me with only the thin fabric of the lace costume separating us. Her fingers held my waist firmly as she pulled me tightly against her side. 

The air around us almost felt like it was vibrating as we fumbled our way through the hosts' questions, trying to explain how we kept our cool with such a provocative dance. I felt like they were trying to trip us up into saying something incriminating in regard to our relationship, but we played it cool, managing to redirect the focus to two friends having fun while working together. 

After standing around waiting for a commercial break to end, they went straight into scoring. We received four tens. Another perfect score. We were elated obviously. Kat didn’t hesitate to jump into my arms for a hug over the news. We were buzzing with excitement after that, finding it hard to focus on the remaining performances. Especially when we would brush against each other, accidentally or not. I tried to avoid shooting heated glances her way, but it was hard. Especially when she seemed to be reciprocating them. 

We both sighed in relief when the show was finally over, making a beeline toward the dressing rooms. We had zero urge to hang around and socialize once the show ended. Honestly, after our steamy performance, the only thing I could think about was getting her alone just so I could kiss her. I was quickly losing the strength to restrain myself from scooping her up in my arms in front of everyone. We reached my room first, after glancing up and down the hallway for prying eyes and finding none, I turned toward her with a mischievous smile and pulled her through the doorway.

After closing the door behind us, I backed her to the middle of the room, pulling her hips against mine as I captured her lips in a searing kiss. Her hands snaked around my neck as she deepened it, swallowing the groan that rumbled from my chest. I pulled back in an effort to not get carried away, sighing as I pushed her hair away from her face. “Lemme get changed so we can get outta here.” 

She huffed, suggestively running her fingertips down the bare skin of my chest. “Fine…OK,” she said in mock annoyance. She moved to lean against the vanity countertop, crossing her arms as she watched me undress down to my boxer briefs. 

I couldn’t help standing up a little straighter and puffing out my chest as I asked, “You see something you like, honey?” 

She smiled as she looked at me through her lashes, “Maybe…” 

I playfully rolled my eyes and chuckled, grabbing my robe off a wall hook and putting it on before shoving my costume into its garment bag. I quickly opened the door to put it out for pickup. As I closed the door behind me, I surveyed the room, thinking through what I needed to pack up to take with me. I walked toward the vanity, reaching around Kat to grab my phone charger. She tilted her head closer, grazing her nose along my neck before sucking on my earlobe as her fingers tugged the robe open. My hand paused midair as I leaned into her mouth with a smile, “What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart?”

Her palms moved to my chest, pushing me backwards until the back of my knees bumped the chair, “Why don’t you sit for a spell, Bravo.” 

I was curious where this was going, so I didn’t argue. The robe fell open as I sunk down into the chair, slouching with my legs spread wide - giving her an eye full of little Bravo who was now at full attention and dying to come out to play. My eyes stayed on hers as they drifted down to enjoy the view. She ambled forward, swaying her hips seductively until she came to stop between my thighs. She reached out, cupping my cheek with a smirk on her lips as she lifted one leg, then the other to straddle my hips. Only the thin fabric of our undergarments separated my hard length from the place that it wanted to disappear into. My hands found her hips, gripping and rocking them against me. Her eyes fluttered closed at the contact as she leaned forward against my chest, changing the angle to seek more friction. My face nuzzled against hers as my lips found her ear, “I want you so bad right now…need to stop teasing me.” 

Her breath hitched as I bucked against her to emphasize my point.  She turned her head, mouth hovering above mine, “You can have me…anytime you want. You don’t even need to ask…” 

I smiled against her lips, “Is that right?” 

She nodded, leaning in for a sensual kiss as she continued to slowly roll her hips against mine. 

I groaned as my hands slid up her bare thighs to dip under the hem of her dress and grab the globes of her ass. “Tell me what you need, Kitten,” I mumbled between kisses. 

She pulled back, running her hands down my chest as she stared into the depths of my soul with a playful smile. “I want you to show me what a proper fucking from Dieter Bravo is like.” 

My brows knitted together as a wide grin spread across my face, “What? Here? Now?” 

Her brows arched, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she nodded. 

I sighed, “Oh Kitten, I don’t think you can be quiet enough for that. You’ll get us caught.” 

She straightened her shoulders as her eyes narrowed on me, “You wanna try me?”

I huffed out a laugh, giving a jerky nod, “Yes, I fucking do.” 

My lips crashed against hers, kissing her with more force than I ever had. If she wanted that carnal, animalistic side of me, who was I to deny her? Fucking was something I knew all too well, but I could already tell that even this would feel differently with her, and I craved it. I wanted her in any way she would let me have her. 

A knock on the door caused us to breathlessly break away from each other. 

“Dieter, are you still here?” a voice called from the hallway. 

 Kat and I stared at each other, confused by the sudden interruption.

“Yeah…I’m here…” I called back cautiously. 

“Have you seen Kat? She hasn’t turned in her costume yet. I’d like to get out of here soon.” 

We both held in giggles as I yelled back, “Haven’t seen her.” 

Kat smiled mischievously and wiggled against my extremely hard dick. I gave her a look of warning as we heard muted muttering and retreating footsteps outside the door. Once it appeared that the coast was clear, my lips found hers again as she continued to grind against me. My body felt like it was on fire, her touch further stoking the flame as her hand moved downward between us. Just as her fingertips dipped under the waistband of my boxer briefs, another knock sounded on the door, “Dieter, can you like…text her or something? No one’s seen her.” 

I let out a frustrated growl as I leaned my forehead against Kat’s, “Oh for fucks sake…”

She fought a smile as she held in her laugh.

“Just… give me a minute!” I finally called back a bit more harshly than I meant to. 

Without a second thought, I grabbed Kat’s thighs and stood, sitting her on the edge of the vanity before squatting down to take off her dance shoes. She watched me work with a small smile on her lips, lifting first her right foot, then the left for me to unbuckle the straps and place kisses along her calf as I pulled each shoe off. My hands ghosted up her legs toward her hips, gripping them to pull her off the vanity. I turned her to face the mirror, then unfastened the hooks to the straps on the back of her dress. Our gazes locked on each other in the mirror as I began to slide the dress down her body, revealing her to me. Once I pushed it past her hips, my head tipped forward to place gentle kisses along her neck, whispering a quiet “wait here” against her ear before I tied my robe shut and bent down to collect her costume. 

I had to adjust myself as I moved across the room, hoping the loose fabric of the robe might conceal my raging hard on as I carefully opened the door just far enough to pass off the costume pieces in question. I quickly shoved them through the opening, “Here ya go.”

The PA momentarily stared at me with confusion before finally reaching to take the costume. I gave her a tight smile, “Have a good evening.” 

She still looked confused as she replied, “Uhh, thanks?” 

Without another word, I shut the door and locked it. Turning to find Kat still standing facing the mirror like I left her. 

She smirked, “You realize that’s probably gonna cause some gossip…” 

I quickly closed the distance between us, my hands gliding around to the front of her body to explore her curves, “Then let them fucking gossip. I have urgent matters to attend to…” 

My left hand cupped her breast and squeezed it gently, eliciting a soft sigh from her as she leaned back against my chest. Her right hand reached behind her, tugging at the tie to the robe and pulling it open again. Her eyes settled on mine in the mirror as she cradled my bulge and stroked it gently. 

I tisked at her as I grabbed her hand away, “Oh no no, Kitten. If you want a proper fuck, that means I’m in charge right now.” 

She sucked in a sharp breath, allowing her hand to fall limply at her side as my right hand joined the left, kneading her breasts and pulling her body flush with mine. My mouth found her neck, nipping little love bites up the length of it as my right hand slid into the waistband of her underwear to gently tease her, spreading her slick over the swollen bud that was already throbbing in anticipation. 

Within seconds she melted against me, whimpering as my fingers found their rhythm. Once her body began to tense and tremble, I withdrew my hand and was met with a soft whine. 

“Don’t worry, Kitten. I’m not done yet…just warming you up.”

My fingers moved to her hips, hooking in the elastic of her underwear. “Can I take these off?” I asked against the curve of her neck, causing goosebumps to form on her skin.  

She nodded, letting out a breathy “please” as she arched into me. I placed open mouthed kisses down her spine as I slid them off. After standing upright, I placed a knee between her thighs to spread her legs as my right hand found its way back to her center. My fingers gently rubbed tight circles around her clit while my left hand moved back to her breast. My eyes connected with hers in the mirror again as my teeth grazed her earlobe. She was already coming undone, panting and squirming against me, and we hadn’t even gotten to the fun part yet. 

“You tell me to stop if I’m being too rough,” I said against her ear. 

Her breath hitched as she nodded. I withdrew my fingers, giving her clit a quick smack causing her to moan quietly, “Use your words, Kitten. I need you to agree. Don’t be afraid to tell me to stop. You understand?” 

She nodded again, “Y-Yes, I understand.” 

I gave her a cheeky smile, “Good girl.” 

Another quick smack to her center had her falling forward with a deep groan, resting her palms on the vanity as she rubbed her ass against me. My fingers got back to work, sinking into her heat and curling against just the right spot as I roughly shook my palm against her bundle of nerves. 

I hadn’t been this aggressive with her in the past, so I focused on what her body was telling me, afraid she wouldn’t make me stop if it was too much. She seemed to be into it as she sought out more friction against my palm. Her brows pinched together as her jaw went lax. Her head dropped down between her shoulders as she fought to hold in the moans. My left hand slid up to her neck, gripping just under her chin to pull her back against my chest as I kept up the relentless pace with my fingers. 

“I need to see your face, keep your eyes on me please.” 

She panted out a breathy, “Yes, sir” and I nearly lost myself. She must have felt my dick twitch against her, because she smiled widely, reaching one hand behind her to grab at my ass to pull my hips tighter against hers. 

I chuckled next to her ear as I rolled her clit between my fingertips, “Such a needy girl…come for me then I’ll fuck you like you want me to.” 

She gasped at the new sensation, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip to hold in the sounds that were trying to escape. Her eyes shifted between mine and my hands in the mirror, the sight seeming to spur her on as she writhed against me. I could tell she was close as I dipped my fingers back into her heat while roughly shaking my palm against her clit again. Her free hand grabbed my forearm, squeezing it tightly as she began to tremble and tense in my arms before going limp. I gave her a moment, allowing her to come down from her high as my hands explored her body. 

I suddenly felt her arch against me as a lazy smile spread across her face. “Will you fuck me now? Please?” she asked in a sultry voice. 

Little Bravo was damn near busting through my boxer briefs at that. I was still a little apprehensive, afraid that I would hurt her. I knew the dancing was beginning to wear her body down, and I didn’t want to add to it, but I trusted that she would tell me if it was too much. 

I gave her a cocky smile as my right hand ghosted up her spine to grab the base of her neck to manipulate her into position, “Lean forward.” 

She complied, placing her palms on the vanity as she tilted her hips back and upward to give me better access. We stared at each other in the mirror as my fingertips lightly stroked down her back, then grabbed her hips, gripping them tightly as I rubbed my hardness against her. Before she could register what I was doing, I drew my hand back and slapped her ass. She flinched slightly. I soothed the area with my palm as I studied her, “Is that too much?” 

She smiled and shook her head, “No…just wasn’t expecting it.” Her voice had a raspy and needy tone to it. 

I gave it another smack, causing her to exhale out a quiet groan as she pushed back against me. I paused, savoring the sight of her before me, naked and nearly bent over the countertop in my dressing room. It was a sight I had never expected to see. This wasn’t at all an unusual situation for me before I got sober. I’d had more than my fair share of women and men bent over countertops in dressing rooms, but with her, it just felt different. I felt the same rush of excitement and arousal, but there was something else there with it. A tightness in my chest and tingling along my skin as my gaze met hers. 

My connection with her was more than physical and gave me a high unlike any drug I’d ever had. I could only assume this is what it felt like to be in love with someone. I suddenly understood why some men would risk life and limb for their significant other. If this is how they were made to feel, then I couldn’t blame them. I’d do anything for her. 

I reached down with my right hand, releasing myself from my boxer briefs as my other hand gently caressed her back. She watched me stroking myself in the mirror, her breathing speeding up from the sight as I tipped my head forward, allowing spit to drip down to my hand to spread over the hard length. 

I moved closer to her back side, allowing my cock to rub against her drenched center as I leaned my chest against her and reached around to knead her breast with my free hand, “I think you like watching me touch myself, don’t you honey?”

She sucked in a sharp breath at the contact as she pressed against me for more friction, “I like how you look at me when you do it. I can tell you’re thinking about all the different ways you want me.” 

I chuckled and mumbled, “You’re not wrong” against her shoulder as I notched the head at her entrance and began to slowly sink in. I gave her a moment to adjust. She hummed out a sigh as she nuzzled her cheek against mine. My hands moved back to her hips and gripped them firmly, “You sure this is what you want, Kitten? It won’t be gentle.” 

I felt her clench around me, my words seeming to excite her. 

“I’m sure. Don’t hold back, please.” 

She was damn near begging. It almost sent me over the edge. I had to take the first few thrusts slowly until I gained my focus back. On the fourth, my fingers dug into the meaty flesh of her hips to hold her in place as I slammed into her. She lurched forward slightly, crying out in surprise at the intensity. I paused, assessing her for a moment. A lazy smile spread across her face as she pushed back against me to keep going. 

I set a steady pace causing Kat to whimper loudly with each vigorous thrust. The sounds of our heavy pants and flesh smacking together filled the room as her right hand flew up to her mouth in an attempt to muffle some of the sound, eventually digging her teeth into her palm as she fought to contain herself. As she began to push backward against me to meet my thrusts, I could tell she was losing her composure. My right hand glided up her back, twisting in the hair at the nape of her neck as the other snaked around her waist to pull her flush against me. My fingers tightened in her locks, turning her face to meet mine. She kissed me in a libidinous way. I could feel it throughout my entire body, causing it to hum with electricity. I completely lost myself and my awareness as my craving for more of her intensified. 

I suddenly pulled out of her, causing whines of protest as I spun her around to face me and lifted her up onto the edge of the vanity. I wasted no time sinking back into her wet heat, pulling her closer and tilting her hips downward to get the friction where she needed it most. It was almost frantic between us now as our mouths crashed together, swallowing the grunts and moans that escaped with each forceful thrust that had her bouncing against me. Her hands found their way to the inside of my robe, sliding up my back before her nails dug in deep just as she tensed around me. She buried her face into the crook of my neck as she came with a deep moan that she tried hard to contain.

She finally raised her head to look at me with watery eyes. Her face was flushed and sweaty as she leaned her forehead against mine with a satisfied smile as I continued to drive into her with the same vigor. I could feel my release building as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in closer. I wasted no time burying my face into her chest, groaning loudly and whimpering as I came inside of her. 

She held me for a few minutes, scratching at the nape of my neck and down my back as my hands wandered up and down the sides of her body. We were both dripping with sweat as we waited for our breathing and heart rates to return to normal levels. This that came after is what made everything different with her. The intimate moments spent touching, feeling, and sharing our emotional connection was my favorite part. I wanted it to last forever. 

I eventually pulled away, looking up at her with soft eyes as I brushed her hair back. Part of me suddenly felt guilty for manhandling her the way that I just had. 

“I want you to come home with me tonight so I can take care of you. That was rough, I wanna make sure you don’t start hurting from it.” 

She gave me a small smile, “It wasn't too much. I'm more than OK. Really.”

I sighed, “Then…just… humor me. Please?”

Her legs tightened around my waist as her smile widened. “And how do you plan to take care of me?” she asked with an amused tone.

I pursed my lips in thought, “Hmmm, well, I’ll make you a fucking fantastic dinner while you relax on the couch and keep Zee occupied.” 

She hugged me a little tighter, “Hmmm, I could get behind that.” 

My lips found her throat, placing gentle kisses between my words, “Then I’ll run you a hot bath…maybe join you…massage your hips….legs…and feet…make you come again…then have a nice cuddle as we fall asleep.”

I could hear the smile in her voice, “Speaking of foot massages and coming…”

Busted. I glanced up at her with a sheepish smile, “What of it?” 

She caressed my jaw with a smirk, “Did you know what you were doing to me in New York, with the foot rub?” 

I snickered, hiding my face in the curve of her neck, “I’m aware that some people can have an orgasm from a foot massage. I had a thing with a massage therapist once and he taught me how to do it. It wasn’t intentional…initially…but then you didn’t stop me, so I just went with it…”

I felt a low chuckle rumbling in her chest, “You little shit.” 

I smiled against her skin, “Scold me all you want honey, but you looked like you were about to jump me. I knew it was only a matter of time.” 

She laughed against the top of my head, “The underwear selfie took it over the top. I took a screenshot of that, just so you know…” 

I couldn’t help the howl of laughter that ripped through me, “I had a feeling you enjoyed that. I took it for you, ya know…and you did not disappoint.” 

She hummed out a quiet laugh, “Yeah, that’s the reason the vibrator ended up under my pillow.” 

The memory of using said vibrator on her danced through my mind, causing my dick to twitch inside of her. She pulled back to look at me with a smile, “I felt that.” 

I shifted and pulled out of her with a groan, “Yeah, I need to get you home before he wakes up again.” 

She chuckled as I lowered her to the floor. I took off my robe and wrapped it around her shoulders with a smirk, “You might need that. Can’t have you walking down the hallway naked.”

She shook her head with a smile as she tied it shut, watching me throw on jeans and a t-shirt. I quickly packed up the few items I needed, then motioned for her to lead the way to her dressing room. 

There were still people milling around in the hallway. Most seemed oblivious to the activities that had just taken place on the other side of the door, except for Anika, who was standing across the hall chatting with one of the other professional dancers. They were both watching us with odd expressions as we exited my dressing room. I couldn’t help wondering if they heard something. 

Kat shocked me a little, noticing their attention, she responded with a wide smile, telling them to have a good evening as she literally strutted down to her dressing room. I followed her with a cheesy grin, never taking my eyes off her. It had to be obvious something just went down, but I sort of didn’t care. 

Kat was quick to get changed. She moved around the room to gather up her things, giving me a shy smile every time our gazes met. The electricity was still humming between us at higher levels than normal, and it was driving me insane. I needed her again, but in a different way - softer, slower, and more sensual. I wanted to worship every inch of her body, then wrap her up in my arms and never let go. 

Once she was packed up, we made our way out to our vehicles. She followed me home where I did everything for her that I promised I would…and more. 

Next: Week 7

Be sure to check out the fun Plant Dad Dieter extra at the end of the A/N.

A/N: Whew! Ok. That one was a beast. I know...I have a problem.

Anyway...so did the Alec thing go down like you thought it would? Are we super pissed at Kat for the way she is handling it? Or do we support her plan of rubbing it all in Alec's face? Trust me when I say he's got more coming to him.

We got a lot of domestic Dieter and Kat (and Zee 🐈‍⬛) this chapter. How do we think each of them is handling things so far? Our poor guy is trying really hard and being super sweet. I want to cuddle him.

We got some new tidbits of information on Dieter during his therapy session. We will get the full story next chapter. Any theories?

Y'all ready for some Instagram Lives? Neither is Dieter. Doesn't mean he won't suddenly be inspired to give it a try a couple of chapters from now though. You'll probably need a tissue for that. 😬

How do we feel about his agent wanting to use Kat for publicity? Did Dieter make the right call on that?

And lastly...sexy time in the dressing room. These two are something else. How long until they are open about their relationship do you think? Can we also take a minute to appreciate Dieter taking charge and showing Kat a little something new? 😂

👉Because I'm a total whore for a good Argentine Tango, I bring you two super sexy videos. The first one in particular heavily influenced the vibes for Dieter and Kat's performance for this chapter.

Video 1 🎥

Video 2 🎥

👉In case you missed the post, I forgot to include the "Plant Daddy Era" t-shirt for SNL in the last chapter. I made sure to give it a mention in this one and also bring you a fun edit. Please enjoy. #PlantsBeforePants😅

CP Taglist: @titlee78 @legendary-pink-dot  @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs  @harriedandharassed

@hisandsnakes  @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing  @runningmom94  @sin-djarin

@cakipy-blog  @missladym1981  @guelyury  @weho2kcmo  @alokaerza  

@girlofchaos  @trulybetty  @rhoorl  @bitchwitch1981  @madnessofadaydreamer

@darkheartgatita  @jazzloveslatte  @timpletance  @musings-of-a-rose  @samiamproductions

@myloveistoolittle  @for-a-longlongtime   @copperhalfcent  @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter

@burntheedges  @stevie75  @bunniboo0015  @quicax3  @jackie923

@sherala007  @pastelnap  @angelofsmalldeath-codeine  @jessthebaker  @rebel-held

@gwendibleywrites  @senorabond  @annalovesflorida  @sandaltoesocks  @katw474

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@peepawispunk @pedrostories @dieterbravobrainrotclub

[kingkat12]

omg I love your fics so so so much and I think you would absolutely nail a fanfic where roman is teaching reader how to smoke? or something like that 😭 like it being really intimate and stuff ughh idk but roman smoking just makes me go absolutely feral

Roman..... teaching reader.... how to smoke....?

do you.... want to give me..... a heart attack......?

THIS WAS SO DAMN HOT IT MADE MY BREATH HITCH WHEN I READ THIS, you BET i want to write this!!! you know me, i love writing reader having her first time doing anything at all lol, this was PERFEEEECT!! hope i've done your request justice, thank you so much for this one!!<3333

nymphomaniac (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, smoking, mentions of sex, angst, flirting deluxe, Roman's mouth is FOUL

summary: not all lessons are good for you-- especially the ones taught by the notorious Roman Godfrey, who you also happen to have a history with

word count: 2,425

a/n: and this is NO WAY an encouragement to smoke, i don't smoke myself so... heh. read at your own risk i suppose, and be critical of what you read on the internet PLEASE!! mwah

How to smoke – a thorough guide by Roman Godfrey. That was a book I wouldn’t buy in a million years; why give a millionaire more money?

Thankfully, I didn't have to pay anything to get a free trial from the author of said imaginary book.

Roman sat next to me on the porch leading up to the house of the party we were at, having asked me to follow him outside to escape all the noise. I wouldn’t have gone with him, had I not started to get a headache from what I could frankly only call ear-rape. “It’s too fucking loud in there,” I muttered, shifting on the uncomfortable step. “There’s a reason I don’t go to these things very often.”

Roman shrugged, patting down the pockets of his jacket. “It’s not usually this bad when someone else hosts. But I heard this guy is notorious for being legally deaf, so that might explain it,”

“I wouldn’t be shocked if he did that to himself,”

With a laugh, Roman pulled out an orange-hued box of cigarettes, shaking his head. “It’s too bad you don’t attend parties that often. I never see you anymore, y’know? Just bring some earplugs if you’re so bothered by the damn noise,” 

Oh. My heart jumped with a jolt of pain. I cleared my throat; “Of course you don’t see me anymore, Roman… We broke up two months ago,” 

Despite seeing it coming from miles away, it had been the hardest breakup of my life. I knew whom I had gotten into a relationship with, knew exactly what kind of a guy Roman was, so I had been emotionally prepared for it when it all fell apart. The relationship had been more of a whirlwind thing, a lust thing, which had left me with a very bad case of being-walked-in-on PTSD. That one time Roman decided he wanted to go down on me at school, only for my math teacher to walk in on us in the classroom, was a memory I was sure I would never forget. Sadly. 

However, the bliss of being sexually compatible couldn’t carry the relationship forever, and I was aware of that long before he was. Around the time we hit the one-month milestone, I could see in his gorgeous green eyes that he was tired. Roman needed to be free to function, free to fuck any girl that walked by, and free to disappear for hours and come back whenever it pleased him. 

And what did I need? I wasn’t so sure anymore. 

If I were to use my brain and ponder that question once more, I would conclude that I needed to stop sitting next to my hot ex-boyfriend who was now lighting one of his classic cigarettes. Roman knew I didn’t approve, knew how many times I had told him it was cancer on a stick—still, I settled for the fact that he wasn’t scared of death. Actually, he probably wasn’t scared of anything other than real commitment. 

With a sigh, Roman nodded to himself. “I’m aware, but I’m still allowed to miss the sight of you,” He turned to me, his strikingly green gaze piercing mine— I held my breath. This was getting intense. Nonetheless, the next thing that rolled out of his mouth caught me off guard; “Do you have a lighter?” 

… What? “Roman, you know I don’t smoke,”

He shrugged, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smirk. “Worth a shot. I had hopes that you’d at least managed to become an arsonist in our time apart, maybe then you’d carry a lighter around with you,” Like this, faced with his heartbreakingly beautiful smile beneath the hues of the moonlight, I was reminded of the first thought I ever had when I met him; he was so… cool. Roman always looked so damn cool. I loved the way it made my heart flutter— the feeling of being with the coolest guy at school was still the most thrilling feeling of all. I felt cool, knowing he wanted to sit next to me instead of being inside the loudest party of the year hunting down his next lay. 

It was impossible not to smile back. “Don’t be so disappointed. At least I’m still a cannibal,”

Humored, Roman chuckled; “Glad to hear it,”

“And you’re still a nymphomaniac,”

That seemed to strike a nerve— Roman let out an offended huff, now patting down the pockets of his jeans. “Forget it. I never go anywhere without my lighter, anyway,” he mumbled.

Oh no. “I didn’t mean it as an insult! We were joking, Roman. You’ve never been the type to hide that you like… sex—” 

“Don’t fucking talk to me about sex right now, I’m too tipsy,” Roman’s words were harsh, snappy. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, now fishing out his usual red lighter; I hadn’t seen that one in a while. “No sex-talk. None.”

“Fine, Jesus!—”

“Thanks to you, I now have to smoke away the taste of you. Thank you,” he grumbled, a slight twitch appearing beneath his left eye as he brought the cigarette to his plush lips— oh, how I missed those. “Your perfume isn’t helping, either. So don’t talk about sex, because then I’ll start thinking about sex with you, along with how you taste after I’ve been going down on you for about ten minutes, squirming, whining, and then I start thinking of how much I miss it. So could you just—just shut up for a minute, okay?”

I stared at Roman in disbelief, my lips parting as my jaw threatened to hit the floor. He must’ve had a few beers too many to be talking so openly about… anything. I would go off on him about his use of words, telling me to shut up, but I was too stunned to think properly. With my mind still buzzing, I scooted closer to Roman on the cold steps of the porch, daring to lean my head down on his shoulder like I used to do when we were together. “You’ve only proved my point,” I breathed, closing my eyes. “Nympho.”

I knew him too well— I knew Roman would appreciate casual physical contact. He didn’t have enough of that in his life, anyway. Chuckling, amused, he lit his cigarette, inhaling with a quiet moan— something told me he had been waiting for a hit for some time. And just as I opened my mouth, ready to start my usual smoking-is-bad lecture, Roman cut me to it; “Don’t start talking about cancer now, either,”

“It is a cancer stick,”

“I don’t care,”

“You should!”

“But I don’t,” With a sigh, Roman exhaled, watching the smoke evaporate into the warm summer air. He leaned his head on top of mine, and I couldn’t help but think how the smell of the cigarette clashed with the comforting smell of his shampoo. It ruined everything. 

This conversation was one we’d had tens of times, and I wasn’t too keen on repeating it. “Roman…” I reached for the cigarette he lazily held between his fingers, feeling the softness of his hand against mine. “Maybe you don’t care, but I do. You need to take care of yourself.” I didn’t need to look at Roman to know his brows were drawn together as I took the cigarette out of his hand, holding it away from him. 

He sighed again, slower this time; “If you’d ever smoked, you’d see the appeal,”

“Yeah?” It was hard not to roll my eyes— “The appeal of cancer?”

With a low laugh, Roman turned his head, kissing the top of my head out of habit. Weirdly enough, it felt platonic for the first time ever, yet it didn’t fail to evoke a hard thump in my chest. It felt like I was being electrocuted from the inside, and my eyes sprung open—I was happy he couldn’t see that. “Not cancer, don’t be stupid,” he huffed. “Just use that pretty little brain of yours, I know it’s in there somewhere,”

If only he knew my brain was currently working overtime. “I’ll never see the appeal of inhaling crap that ruins your lungs. If anything, you’re the stupid one,”

Roman rolled his eyes, gently giving my head a nudge with the shoulder I was leaning on, motioning for me to sit up. “Let me show you, just once. If you don’t like it, you’re allowed to call me a nicotine-addicted nymphomaniac until the last day of high school,”

“And the day after. An extension for your favorite ex,”

“Nope. The day of graduation, and that’s it,”

I turned to look at the blindingly pretty smile on Roman’s face— how was it possible not to fall for this guy? He was gorgeous. “Fine,” I mumbled, knowing I would call him that no matter what behind his back until the day he died. “So how the fuck do I do this?”

Something in Roman’s green, green, eyes shifted. Maybe he was wondering why he had ever let me go in the first place— maybe he was thinking about the word to describe the color of my hair as it mixed with the grays of the moonlight? He cleared his throat, turning his body towards me as I mirrored him; “The first step is easy,” he said, reaching forward to place his hand behind mine, bringing the cigarette to my lips. 

My skin burned. Fucking burned, with every touch. 

Roman’s eyes were already big, which is why I was surprised to see they could get even bigger when he gazed down at my lips. “Open up,” he breathed, absentminded. 

Now, I could be sure he wasn’t thinking about the color of my hair. Maybe he was back to reminiscing about the taste of me? Or other nasty nympho things, as per usual.

I placed the cigarette between my lips, but Roman let out a short, alarmed sound that nearly made me yelp. “Now comes the trick,” he urged, leaning closer— I was unsure whether he was aware he was inching towards my face or not. The closer he got, the easier it was to focus on the single strand of his dark hair that lay over his forehead, straying from his stylings. It was so damn attractive— I had to hold myself back from smiling, now that I remembered the one time I caught him pulling it out of his gelled updo to lay it there on purpose. Cutie.

“The trick?” I echoed, realizing he had frozen to his spot just staring at my lips. I pulled the cigarette away from my mouth; Roman hadn’t said anything for about five seconds. This was bad. This was dangerous. It made me want to jump him and let him fuck me right here on the porch. 

“Uh—” Roman cleared his throat, letting out a breathy chuckle as he shook his head. “Sorry. The trick, right…”

God, I was two seconds away from bursting into flames like a phoenix. Was I still breathing?

“For your first time, you should— because this is your first time, right?”

“Yes!”

“You sure?”

“Roman!”

“Alright, alright!” Roman laughed, biting his lip as he tilted his head just a little. Had the cigarette not forced a space between us, I would’ve started wondering when he would kiss me. “The trick is to not inhale too much smoke for your first time. I don’t want you to cough up your left lung on my new shirt. And hold the smoke in your mouth for a moment, let it cool down, and only inhale it when you’ve taken the cig out of your mouth.”

If Roman one day actually did decide to write a smoking-guide, I could at least be sure the content would be explained simply and concisely. “Seems easy enough,” I mumbled, watching Roman’s pupils widen as I placed the cigarette back between my lips and sucked in a small amount of smoke into my mouth.

It felt like I was getting a mild burn on my tongue— it wasn’t pleasant. For a second, I got scared my eyes would pop from the shock, and I closed them to ensure the blood at least wouldn’t splatter anywhere if I happened to be so unlucky. But when the burning subsided, I finally dared to inhale.

My eyes sprung open, meeting the fascination in Roman’s green gaze as my previous headache caused by the loud music disappeared. My brain suddenly felt like it was buzzing with pleasure and energy. Before I knew it, I was half giggling against Roman’s mouth, letting my cigarette-clad hand fall by my side. “Wow,” I breathed, in awe of the satisfying whirring in my head. 

Roman looked like he was two seconds away from cooing at me, right in my face; “There you go, good girl,” he purred. “Do you get it now?”

God, I hated myself. Still, what I hated more, was that my hot ex-boyfriend was blatantly right. “I think I do,” 

Roman hummed, smirking as he reached for the cigarette in my hand, smoothly brushing his fingers across my skin on his way down. With a content sigh, he looked into my dazed eyes as he pressed his free fingers over the pulse of my wrist— “I still make your heart jump,” he breathed, leaning in so close I could feel the hotness of his breath against my cheek.

I swallowed. “You always will. It doesn’t mean anything,” My eyes flickered back and forth between Roman’s green eyes and his plush, pink lips despite knowing I shouldn’t. 

“It doesn’t?” he echoed, visibly amused as he raised his brows. 

“… Nope,”

Roman hummed, nudging the tip of my nose with his just as he always did—was this maybe just a habit, or was he going to…? The atmosphere was so thick, I could reach out and touch it. My breath had long caught in my chest, but Roman’s next words only made it worse; “Let’s talk about sex again,” he whispered against my lips, his lashes hanging heavy over his eyes.

“No. This is over. We’re just sharing a cigarette,”

“We could share a bed too,”

“Stop it,” I breathed, hoping he’d spot the desperation in my eyes. “It’s been two months. Aren’t you over this?” Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.

Roman stilled. With the next beat of my pulse against his fingers, his eyes softened with a new realization beneath the moonlight; 

“Over you? Never,”

[storiesaplenty]

Jelly Bracelets (14)

Eddie Munson x f/Reader (18+)

Jelly Bracelets Masterlist

This has not been proofread. Please enjoy, though.

Warnings: swearing. P in v sex. Unprotected sex. Pussy fingering. Missionary position. Creampie.

Gifs & photos do not belong to me: 1st gif: @psychecreations

WC: 1149

©️ storiesaplenty 2024: Do not repost or translate my work. This is the only place I post my work.

Black (18+) - the wearer will have regular "missionary" sex

Eddie Munson may be the freak of Hawkins, but he is your best friend. Who is always willing to teach you new things, even when you get new bracelets from your cousin. Eddie will even go as far as teaching & showing you what each one means.

Eddie Munson's Pov:

Her and I made the spaghetti in my small kitchen.

This isn't the first time we made food together, but time it felt more intimate.

Even as we sat across from one another, talking about what we have been up to when we haven't been with one another.

It's like nothing has changed, but yet, everything has changed between us.

It has only been a month since her and started whatever this is between us, and I have no idea what is going to happen once this is all over.

Will her and I go back to how it was before this started?

I don't think I can. Not when just the thought of her with another person makes me instantly jealous.

"So I was thinking that we can go to the movies tomorrow afternoon." She said, bringing me from my thoughts.

"Just us or will Steve and Robin be joining us?"

"They have to work, and even though I love Robin, I would love to hear the whole movie this time, instead of her asking a question during every important scene."

"Okay, it's a date. I mean, not a date, but you know what I mean." I started to ramble, until she placed her hand on top of mine.

"Eddie relax. I know what you mean." She softly smiled at me.

The rest of the meal went off without me acting weird.

For once.

Her and I are sitting on the edge of my bed, making out. Her hands were playing with my hair as I kissed my way down her neck, nipping here and there.

The soft gasps that fell from her lips had my cock twitching in my pants.

My hands trailed down her body, stopping to grop her tits, making her back arch into me.

"Eddie." She whined, leaning her head a bit more as I kissed down to her shoulder and then back up her neck again.

"Spread your legs sweetheart." She did as I asked, and I groaned as I felt how wet she was through her panties.

"This all for me?" I said as I moved her panties to the side and trailed my two fingers up and down her pussy, still not believing that I am the one causing her to be this wet.

"Yes." She mewed.

"Shh, shh. I got you." I said as I inserted two fingers, fingering her, making her grip my arms.

"Need you to cum for me, before I fuck you, yeah." I sped up my fingers, and I felt her cum before she cried out my name.

Her pussy clenched around my fingers tightly, making me groan at the thought of her doing that around my cock soon.

"That's it. I think you are ready to take me now." I snapped the bracelet with my free hand, as I am still fingering her, not wanting to stop.

◆

She is naked on my bed, propped up on her arms as she is watching me look around my room for a damn condom.

"Eddie." She said my name.

"I know I have one here." I said, as I opened drawer after drawer, pulling empty boxes out.

So close.

So damn close to finally fucking her and I don't have a condom.

"Eddie, I'm clean and on the pill." I stopped looking and looked at her.

♣︎

"Come to bed Eddie." She spread her legs and my eyes zoned in on how wet she still was for me.

I crawled between her spread thighs, looking over at the black jelly bracelet that is on my night table, not believing that this actually happening.

I gripped my cock, rubbing the outside of her pussy to try and collect some juices, which I spread around my cock as I jerked myself off, before placing my cock at the entrance to her pussy.

Her and I are staring into one another's eyes as I pushed just the tip in.

"Shit."

"Fuck."

We both swore as I slowly pushed in. I am watching her face for any signs of discomfort, but the moment my hips were flushed against her body, I groaned, loudly.

Her eyes were squeezed shut as soft pants fell from her lips.

"You doing okay sweetheart?" I asked her through gritted teeth.

"Anyone ever tell you how big you are, Eddie?" I wanted to laugh but she clenched her pussy around my cock, which turned my laugh into a low moan.

"Once or twice." Was all I said before I pulled by hips back to gently thrust back into her.

I fucked her gently, until she started to raise her hips, whimpering for me to go faster.

I wrapped her legs around my waist, rutting against her, trying not to just flip her over and fuck her so hard, she can't walk straight.

I pulled back and then slammed back into her, her mouth falling open in a silent scream as I fucked her hard and fast.

"Just like that Eddie. Yes, yes, yes." The last bit came out like a chant, as I put her legs over my shoulders as I leaned over her body, folding her in half almost.

I was hitting her deeper, and it was like her eyes glazed over as I angled my hips to hit her g-spot.

Her mouth is open slightly, a bit of drool forming at the corner of her mouth as I fucked her into my bed.

Her pussy started to flutter around my cock.

"Oh yes sweetheart. Go on and cum for me."

Her hands gripped my biceps hard, as she came. Her nails digging into my skin making me groan before smashing my lips against hers as she came.

Her pussy fluttering around my walls as I fucked her through her orgasm.

One, two, three, and I was done, moaning into mouth as I came, my own hips stuttering against her as I filled her pussy with cum.

Her and I kissing through it all, as my cock continued to twitch inside her pussy, as it slowly softened.

I pulled my face away from hers, just to make sure she was okay.

She gave me a soft smile, and that was all I needed to leave her alone for a second, to grab a wet cloth, to clean her and I up.

I put my sweaty hair up, as the two of us got dressed in our pj's.

"I heard there is a new Miami Vice on." She said, and I was playfully rolling my eyes.

"Come on Eddie, just one episode and then we can watch whatever you want." She said, as she pretended to bat her eyes at me.

My heart fluttered in my chest as I told her fine.

As the two of us watched TV, she leaned into my side, and I couldn't help but imagine that we are actually together.

Glittery Green (18+) ♥︎ Glittery Blue ~ Final Part (18+) - coming soon

[dumbandowned]

Today I needed to get things done. These things were giving me a lot of anxiety, even though they seemed relatively simple. Go over my resume, take care of some healthcare stuff. All easily done at a laptop, but I just couldn't handle the idea of it without panicking. So, Owner decided to play a game.

I was bent over the bed while he teased my asshole with his fingers, using the dripping from my cunt to lube it up. Then he pushed a plug in, and I hadn't really stretched that hole since he had last fucked it. The sudden stretch and pop was painful and I tried to jerk away from him, but his strong hands held my hips. "Oh, it couldn't hurt too bad. You just sucked it in." Owner said softly, fingers running over my thighs as he turned the vibrating plug on. My face burned, and I buried it with a hood up to cover my face.

Before the pain could entirely subside into pleasure, the vibration was turned off. Owner pushes me over and tells me to sit up before handing me my laptop. My hole clenches around the plug, wishing the sweet low hum of vibration would return. He sits next to me, remote to the plug filling my needy hole in hand, and tells me to get to work.

I have a hard time focusing, the stretch of my hole on the forefront of my mind. Between the desperate need to be Owners good puppy, and my puppy holes begging to be bred, any anxiety or stress about the tasks were forgotten. With each finished task marked off the to-do, I earned a few moments with the plug turned on. As I finished the last task, my Owner groped my tits, and as I finally got to close all my tabs, he twisted my hard and sensative nipples which left me shuddering and forced a moan from my lips. He got out of bed and turned the plug onto the highest vibration, before saying he had his own tasks to finish.

I couldn't stop myself. As soon as he left the room I spread my legs. I tugged on the plug to feel the aching stretch, using my other hand to start stroking my tcock. I was so close when the door opened and Owner asked what I was doing. I looked at him from my spot on the bed, mouth open and gasping softly as I had tried not to make too much noise.

Owner got a devious look on his face and flipped me over. He pulled the plug from my hole, quickly replacing it with the tip of his thick cock. I arch my back, high pitch moan coming ftom deep within my chest. His first thrust feels so deep, but I'm forced to remember just how big my owners cock feels in my tight puppyholes on the second thrust. I can feel my stomach nearly buldge when he forces his whole length into me on the second thrust.

Drool ran down my chin as he started to pound into my asshole. My brain instantly overloaded with how long I was being edged. I spread my legs further, bouncing back on his cock like a proper breeding bitch to take his seed, but my legs begin to tremble and he still doesnt stop.

Then, he hands me the vibrator.

"Go on, be a good puppy for me. Don't take it off until I say you can."

My empty puppycunt is dripping, desperately wanting its womb filled, but my owner keeps fucking into my asshole. He fucks it even harder when the vibrator nearly immediately brings me to orgasm. I try to get away, but he pins me down. Overstimulation brings tears to my eyes and I can feel the tip of his cock hitting deep on my guts even long after he cums. I'm shaking, thighs squeezing shut desperately, trying to stop the body shaking orgasms.

He pins my face into the bed, slamming his hips into my limp body while my cunt keeps drooling, ignored, clenching. He pulls out as he forces me into an orgasm that forces a scream out of my weak form. Then before its even finished, he forces his full 9 inches in again. It forces me to cum from my ass all over again, squirting this time, and he fucks me as I cannot stop cumming. My tiny little tdick twitching as my puppycunt weeps for the breeding that my loosened asshole.

Tears stream down my face as the back to back orgasms rip through my body. I scream, hes thrusting so deep and filling me so much that head deep full length thrust forces it out of me. He starts to slow down as I sob softly, body shaking, but my hips still try to rock against his cock until he will empty his balls into my holes again.

He covers my mouth and fucks me so violently all I can do is sob and plead, saying hes too big, I can't handle any more.

His response?

"But look, you're cumming again. I thought you couldn't take any more? Why are you lying?"

When hes done stretching my asshole with violent fucking, my face is in a puddle of tears and spit. He slides out and I can't stop shaking and whining at the empty feeling. My guts hurt. Yet... as he pulls me close, his chest against my back, I spread my gaping hole so he can slip back in. Plugging my puppyhole so his cum doesn't drip. I find myself grinding back against it, teasing my cock and puppycunt with my fingers, slowly as he gropes my tits i bring myself to a final slow orgasm before finally shutting down totally in my owners arms.

I love when I get to be his desperate and good puppy.

[amourtoken]

Speaking of things that are wrong w me I can't fucking help myself all I can think about is him taking such good care of his subby partner like God help me!!!! @captainhuggys u created this monster lol. Apologies in advance this is rushed and unedited and rambley but that's typically how it goes when I write long shit.

(Also cw for subspace, dom matt, spit, raw sex, choking, oral(f receiving), fingering, like one singular use of 'daddy', the usual. If ur not into dom/sub themes this probably isn't for you stay safe bb)

he'd be 3 steps ahead of you all the time and he knows your patterns so well he can tell when you're getting into that fuzzy subby headspace before you even manage to. Ofc the second he notices he's automatically shifting his demeanor to push you further down into it, let him take care of you for a while pls?

He rakes his fingers through your hair while you're sat on your knees in front of the couch filling the space between his legs he conveniently spread for you, your face pressed against his thigh while you soak in the affection. He'd tilt your face up just enough to press a kiss to your forehead and brush his thumb across your bottom lip.

"Pretty baby, you feelin' okay?"

His voice is uncharacteristically soft but still has that typical condescending tone towards the end of the question. Your brain feels so fuzzy you're not sure you could answer if you tried, leaning your weight against his hand that's now gripping your jaw just enough to squish your cheeks and make your lips all pouty.

"What do you need from me bunny, hm? I know you're not totally gone yet, you can use your words."

The task seemed impossible but the least you can do is try. Matt can't get enough of your pretty puppy eyed expression while you look up at him through your lashes. He's holding himself back, he wants to draw this out and give you everything you need, take care of you like he's supposed to. It's hard not to picture how pretty you'd look with his thick cock down your throat and tears in those pretty eyes though. He has to literally look away from you momentarily to regather himself but it does nothing to stop his dick from twitching against his thigh at the thought.

All you can manage to respond to him with is a soft "you", your eyes focused on his face like you're trying to memorize every tiny detail (by now you already have). If hearts could show up in your eyes they would've by now, you know he's gonna take care of you and you can give up all those stresses on your mind. Let him do the thinking.

Matt's hand eases up on your jaw and slides down to your throat, squeezing just hard enough to draw a pretty whine from your chest that he immediately swallows as he leans down to meet your lips. You could die happy right here, unfortunately the way his tongue invades your mouth would keep you from ever seeing heaven if you did. The kiss (if you could call it that by now) is mostly just a mess of tongue and strings of spit connecting you whenever you pull too far away by accident.

By the time he pulls away entirely you're a complete mess, whining in disapproval at the lack of contact. Matt leans back against the cushions and motions for you to climb into his lap which you happily and quickly do. His hands settle on your waist, groping at the soft flesh as he admires how much of your body his large hands cover at once. It's just another moment he's grateful for the size difference between the two of you. You fit against him like the softest puzzle piece in the world.

Your arms drape over his broad shoulders while you rest your forehead against his, you'll never get sick of his presence. Matt's hands slowly start rocking your hips back and forth against his, you could feel his length half hard through his sweats when you climbed into his lap but he's only getting harder with you grinding against him. He doesn't wanna ruin the soft moment but he can't help himself, his breath catching in his throat at the friction he's creating using your body. You're just happy to be here, to have his hands on you and better yet his attention cause ultimately that's all you really need in this headspace.

"You said you need me bunny, tell me more. Wanna hear that pretty voice."

He knows his request seems like he's asking you to complete some godly trial but the way you use all of your brain power at once to try and form a sentence like this just gets him off even more. He knows exactly what you want from him but he can draw this out just a little bit longer can't he? Your head drops from its place against his and you bury your face in his neck, a soft whine escaping your lips as he grinds up against you just right. You're happy he can't see the soft flush spreading across your face and chest at the moment from the idea of having to say all your thoughts out loud.

"Need me to fill you up? Wanna cum? I can help you baby, you know that. If you want me to play with that pretty pussy just say so."

He takes the reins a little more, he figures he won't get much of an answer from you but melting your brain even further is just as fun. By now he's so hard it hurts but he can't just rush this, still grinding your hips against his slowly while you're near limp in his arms. Matt grinds his hips up to meet yours, letting you feel every inch of him before he lifts you off of his lap entirely and drops you onto the couch next to him. Maybe he can draw a few words out of you like this.

You whine as his hands slide up your thighs, fingers hooking against the waistband of your shorts and dragging them down your legs along with your panties in one motion. You can barely keep your eyes open and focused on him without butterflies swarming your chest so fiercely you can barely breathe, so you settle for just keeping them closed while Matt steadies himself above you. His large hands return to your thighs, squeezing and spreading them as much as he can to fit between. One of your legs rests on the back of the couch and the other is leaning off the edge, it's a pretty big stretch but you're making room for a pretty big man so it makes sense.

"What're you getting so shy for baby? My bunny can't handle having eyes on her?"

His hands slide up your thighs and stop right between your legs, both of his thumbs spreading your folds for a better view. You squirm under him, struggling to decide if you wanna dissappear entirely or beg him to just touch you where you need it so badly. Words fail you like usual, the butterflies attacking your insides especially when Matt lets out a soft laugh that makes you clench around nothing. His voice has always been a favorite feature of yours and you'll never get enough.

You involuntarily whine when he leans over you just to spit on your pussy before his fingers start a slow rhythm against your clit. He'd hate to just fuck you without prepping you first, doubting he'd fit anyway. You deserve to cum so many times you can barely think, he's happy to provide. You'd planned on keeping your eyes closed to spare your sanity but that didn't last very long.

"Eyes on me baby, wanna watch you when you cum"

It's almost impressive how direct he can be, you're just glad he can damn near read your mind. He takes such good care of you like this. Your eyes meet his and he immediately sinks two large fingers into you, a loud moan ripping from your throat at the sudden stretch. Both his hands stayed busy with your body, picking up the pace whenever you'd whimper or whine his name. His fingers hooked against the soft spot that made your eyes roll back and your hands shot out to grab his forearm, your nails sinking into the skin as you quickly approached your end.

"Gonna cum for me? Such a good girl, it's okay baby you can cum. You're doing so good for me pretty girl."

Matt's fingers scissored inside you and he couldn't help but admire the way your legs were already shaking. Your body twitched uncontrollably underneath him and as he edged a third finger into you the first waves of your orgasm crashed over and drowned you. He praised you so so heavily as you rode it out, his fingers slowing down to help draw the feeling out for as long as he could as you came down. It felt like an out of body experience, your head already fuzzy before but so much worse now. You tried your best to catch your breath but didn't have much recover time as Matt drug his sweatpants down just enough to free his cock, which never ever fails to make you wonder "how the fuck is he going to make that fit?"

"You never answered me earlier baby, asked if you wanted me to fill you up."

By now you've forgotten, barely able to remember your full name at this point and he expects you to remember a question? You wanted absolutely nothing more on this earth than for him to fuck you raw but your voice wavered too hard to respond. You opted for a quick nod and hoped that was enough; it wasn't.

"Gotta use your words baby I know you can. Just say 'please daddy' and I'll fuck you right bunny. Wanna hear you beg for me."

Unfortunately there was no getting out of this but he'll be damned if he doesn't continue your torment a little longer. Just as you go to respond he presses the tip of his cock against your entrance, sliding through your slick folds and brushing your clit. Your voice cuts off into a pathetic whine and your hips buck against his on their own. For someone who wants this response so bad he sure isn't making it easy on you. Matt leaned down to press messy kisses to your neck, continuing his motions between your legs while waiting for your response. By the time you managed to answer you were already so close again and the soft skin that meets your collar was covered in dark bruises and bite marks.

The second the words left your lips he sank into you entirely in a single thrust, stealing the breath from your lungs and tightening the coil in your belly. He always makes the prettiest sound when he slides into you. Matt held himself up above you with one arm, the other freed up so he could hold your face in his hand like he did when this all started. You could fuck him a thousand times (and probably have by now) and the initial stretch from him filling you up would never get easier, always swearing you feel like he's gonna split you in half but he's conscious enough to wait for you to adjust before continuing.

"Eyes on me. Okay?"

He always likes to request things of you when he knows you can't respond or even really grasp what he's said doesn't he? Matt's hips grind against yours while he waits for an answer, not fully fucking into you like he'd like yet. You whine and your hands grip his forearms, nails sinking in to try and ground yourself. All you can manage in terms of response is a quick nod and by now he's so ready to see his cum dripping out of you that he accepts it. Its hard to keep your eyes focused on him when he's hitting that spot inside you that makes your legs shake, but you try your best even when he picks up the pace and tears blur your vision.

You swear you feel like you're gonna pass out, and the forced eye contact from Matt was only making you feel more lightheaded. His pace was brutal but just when you thought you couldn't handle much more he pushed both your legs onto his shoulders and filled you that much deeper. The sound that left your body was guttural and you couldn't help but throw your head back against the arm of the couch. Matt couldn't even complain, leaning down to sink his teeth into your neck to steady himself while he drilled you into the cushions. The sound of him struggling to muffle his groans against your skin hinted to the fact he was close too.

It didn't take much to throw you over the edge, Matt leaning all his weight against you just to sink as deep as he could get and you came around him with a yelp of his name. He followed you almost immediately, something about hearing his name in that high pitched whiny tone from you hit him hard. Any reminder he can get that you belong to him goes straight to his dick, no wonder that's all it really took for him to spill into you with a strained groan against your neck. His fingers dug into your hips so hard you winced but with the aftershocks hitting your body you couldn't care less about the future bruises you were sure were settling in.

You whined we he pulled out, feeling uncomfortably empty but the second his weight was off of you, you followed him to flop back on the couch like a puppy. You didn't bother getting dressed, laying on Matt's chest with a soft smile on your face as his arms wrapped around you.

"Did so good for me baby, feeling better?"

[tragcdysewn]

"don't fucking start with what, violet? because it seems like you are the one starting everything, and then getting mad when you don't like my responses!" they were spurring each other on, they always did when they got to this point, both too stubborn to back down and admit that they might be wrong about any of the issues they're dealing with. "i am only changing physically! gods, i'm still the same person, i don't understand why you can't see that! nothing about who i am is different, violet! if i was, i would've ripped aetos' fucking head off his shoulders as soon as i heard his name cross your mind!" he'd wanted to, fuck, of course he'd wanted to, but that was no different to how he'd felt the first time he'd seen dain kiss her, really. he'd debated killing the asshole then too, hadn't he? it felt so long ago now, but he was fairly sure he'd threatened dain out loud to garrick or sgaeyl. and he hadn't acted on it then, he hadn't acted on it now, didn't that prove he was still the same person? a full venin would have killed the guy for being in his way. "i'm not expecting you to make that choice, violet, because it's not your choice! it's mine, and this is what i'm choosing. i offered you both options, and you refused to consider either one, you thought i could just exist in some fucking limbo forever while you read every book you could find! and that wasn't going to work, obviously, so i made the choice for myself. i'm not going to live the rest of my life balancing on a knife's edge just to keep you happy!" there was a lot he'd do for her, to keep her safe, to keep her happy, but he couldn't exist like that, he'd lose his mind, go mad for real. and then they'd really lose each other, there'd be no coming back from that. "i know you can, but this place isn't anything we know how to handle! i'm not risking another completely unpredictable disaster destroying you right in front of me! do you know what it felt like, feeling your fucking heart stop? feeling your mind go dark and disconnect from mine? i'm not going to sit by and do nothing while that happens again, violet, don't ask me to!" maybe one final time. just one, to keep her from fighting him, so he can properly protect her. only if he can't get her to see sense, only as a last resort. "who says someone was just trying to punch me for being a dick? she wanted me dead way more than i wanted her dead, she would've separated us again! i'm not going to let someone kill me, violet, i'm going to defend you, and i'm going to defend myself!" one hand reaches out to her then, pulling the tie from her hair and letting it unravel over her shoulders the way he'd always had such a reaction to. even doing it himself had him frozen staring at her for a brief moment, a faint smile crossing his features despite the fact that he knows how this is going to end, knows what he has to do. "i know. it's why i begged you to kill me or let me die back then. no one else can do it but you, my violence is the only one who can finish me off. it feels right, but you said no, remember? so it's not as if i had another choice." he reaches forward again, tucking one piece of that hair out of her eyes, feeling that fatal power leech into his own veins, watches the silver that had entranced him the moment he saw her, a compliment to his gold even when they couldn't stand each other, when he'd never have guessed she'd mean everything she meant now, slowly creep further up the strand in between his fingers as he seals their fates. "mira, violence." and he because knows what she'll do, what he can't let her do, his other hand drops to her wrist, gripping it tightly as he drops a brief kiss on her forehead. "i love you, violence. and i'm sorry. i'll make this right, i promise."

"you know that's not what i fucking mean, xaden, don't fucking start with that--" they were only feeding off each other, and despite violet knowing that, she cannot stop herself from following him down this path, letting his anger fuel her own. "you're changing physically because of whatever the fuck you've done! i can fucking watch you become someone different! every time you tap into that fucking power, you're changing!" she felt like she was going to break down, every other word from him had her reeling, watching him become more and more unrecognizable.. this couldn't continue on, she had wasted so much fucking time without her memories, had spent so long just what? flirting with him and going on fucking dates with dain? she had doomed him with her inactions, her inability to find a cure. only putting herself in danger more so he felt like he needed to do more and more to protect her? "you think i wasn't tired of the maybe's?! of the fucking uncertainty that was going to come with you going down this road, with there being no fucking wards, no one else here that knows what the fuck a venin is! but if my two options were you dying or you becoming this, that doesn't put me in a fair position and you know it. i couldn't choose between those two, and you cannot expect me to make that choice." though, now, he had made that choice, leaving her with no other option right? if he was going to keep falling, not giving her any time to find a cure.. could she let him just walk away knowing how much of a danger he could become? he was already the most powerful rider in their generation, what would be become as a venin? "i can handle myself! you know i can! i don't need you to keep fucking draining because you're afraid of me being hurt! why can't you help me without falling further down this path, xaden? why does it have to be this way!" he had helped her so many times, had kept her safe so many different ways already, why did it have to be different now? why was the only option complete indifference or draining! "those people were complacent in torturing me and my friends, they would have killed you. someone just trying to deck you because you're being a dick is different! killing using those powers is different! how do you not see that every time you use them is making you fall deeper into this! that every time you drain, you get closer and closer to becoming one of them! how can you expect me to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself!" it was so hard to look at him, to see xaden underneath all of this. he was just right there, right within arms reach and gods all she wanted was her xaden back. to never have to deal with this venin bullshit ever again. but every day she was in danger, and considering her track record and luck that was nearly every day, he would continue to fall, until he was completely unrecognizable. before her and her friends were in danger because they stood in his way. wasn't it her responsibility to stop this? he became this because of her, she had to be the one to stop this. "you can't promise that. my power is basically the only thing that can fucking kill you, you remember that, right? you really think you won't see that as a threat if you let yourself go any further!" they were going in circles, this wasn't going to get them anywhere, not when he was clearly dodging her questions again, waiting for her to 'ask the right one', she's so sure. she wanted to fucking scream, needing a straight answer out of him for once. "tell me their name xaden. what is the name of the person you just killed?" because of all the people they knew... what were the chances that it was one of her friends? that rhi or dain or mira said something that set him off.. did he know anyone else that would send him over the edge that wouldn't have broken him? because touching imogen or liam would be too much, this wouldn't even be a conversation.. but dain? mira? her heartbeat only grew louder in her ears waiting for the answer, knowing it'll devastate her regardless.

[philosophicallie]

all of the weather has lost its charm and whimsy it is simply now the land's purposeful torture for me

[anotherqueersnailowner]

Trans? Need a Name?

i will fucking name you hmu

[lightningidle]

Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

[tenwhiteandalusians]

so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.

[dunkinbublin]

hhhhh