#im tired of my hormones im tired of my anger im tired of how much a part of me these things are. theyre all i am. what else do i do with it.

[philosophicallie]

all of the weather has lost its charm and whimsy it is simply now the land's purposeful torture for me

[kindnessisweakness2]

Delusional -Part 22

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Delaney questioned Alex as he stood from the table and made his way towards her. “Ah Ah Ah...” He sarcastically wagged his finger at her. “Wow, Teller really has re lit the fire in you. Think your untouchable?” He challenged her, the look in his eye begging her to say something, to fight back. "Your Mom called me. She wants me to take you back. Begged me pretty much.” Delaney scowled at him. “What is it you want Alex? Im done playing this fucking game with you.” Alex smirked at her. “Isnt it obvious? I want you dead. i just want to enjoy fucking with you first. By the time im done you’ll be begging me for death. It’ll be a mercy.” Tears stung at Delaneys eyes. "Why? What have I done to deserve this, any of it?" Alex studied the broken woman in front of him. She looked tired and scared. Part of him debated just giving in and killing her quickly. Maybe he had put her through enough. But despite any reason he could think of to give her mercy, he knew he wouldn't be fully satisfied until he had her blood on his hands. Soaking in his skin, the spray of it coating his face. Oh he couldn't explain how bad he craved it. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Pointing the gun at her again he nudged his head towards the door. “Get rid of them. If you say anything, hint at anything being wrong i will kill them and you.” Delaney shuffled towards the door with Alex at her back, digging the barrell of the gun into her side. She was trying her best to stay calm, but all she wanted to do was break down. Let it all out, the screams, the tears. Fear and Anger weighed heavy on her chest. Opening the door just enough to pop her head out, her worried eyes fell on Halfsack. Trying to keep a neutral face, but secretly hoping he would notice something off and tell Jax, Delaney managed a small smile. “Hey, Jax sent me just to check on you, Make sure you didnt need anything. I know you guys arent in the best place right now, but he cares Ya’know.” Kip started to Ramble. Delaney’s eyes filled with tears she couldnt stop. Clearing her throat trying to move the fast growing lump, she tried not to think that this would possibly be the last time she laid eyes on someone in her family. If she knew yesterday would be the last time she saw Jax, she wouldnt of wasted it arguing. The issue of Tara seemed stupid now. Now that today would be her last day. Tried not to think of their little baby tucked away in her belly, another one they wont get the chance to raise. Death would be a blessing in that regard, she wouldnt have to feel the pain of losing another child. “I-Im Fine. Thank you. P-Please tell Jax, that i love him, m-more than a-anything.” Halfsack smiled but looked at his  VP’s old Lady quizzically. She was weird,But he couldnt put his finger on it. Is this what pregnancy hormones does to women? Kip nodded at her anyway and started to head back towards his bike. “Oh and Kip?” He turned as she called. “Please can you tell him I’m Sorry?” Kip couldnt hide the confused look on his face but before he could question what she was sorry for the door was shut. Getting on his bike, He headed straight towards Gemma’s. He couldnt shake the feeling something was off. 

“Jax i think you need to go home.” Halfsack walked straight into Gemmas Kitchen, finding his VP sat at the table drinking a coffee. He looked like he had been up all night with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Is she okay?” Gemma questioned worriedly. The last thing her son needed was anything to happen to Delaney and the baby. “Shes weird, i dont know how to explain it. Somethings off Jax. She said to tell you she loves you more than anything, but she was all stuttery and was trying to stop herself from crying. And then i was about to leave she called my name and said to tell you she was sorry.” Kip really couldnt explain the panicked feeling it left him with, but he needed Jax to go home. “So do you think she was just upset about the argument we had? Crying is normal right? Shes pregnant and hormonal.” Jax tried to think logically. Maybe Halfsack was overthinking this. “No baby, i think we should go check on her. If he thinks something is off, its worth checking out. Shes been through alot recently, lets just go make sure she is fine.” Jax nodded at his mother. He didnt want to wait till Monday to go home anyway. This thing with Tara was sorted, he’s handled it, so he was hoping they could move on. He could go home and start getting ready for their little miracle baby. Their boy. Even thinking about the baby made a smile stretch on his face. The three of them. Their own little family. Grabbing his Kutte, Jax followed his mom out the door and headed to his bike. He was going home. 

There were many times in her life that Delaney pictured her death. Planned it, hoped for it even. Part of her always knew Alex would one day be the cause of it. But one thing she didnt imagine, was that it would happen in Jax’s house. There she was, on her knees infront of Alex, in Jax’s living room. Gun only a few inches from her forehead. 1 Shot. Clean. Execution Style. Thats all it would take, and she would no longer exist. Would Jax be the one to find her? No, she didnt want that image left for him. She didnt want him to see her like that. It would haunt him. How long would he wait before seeking comfort from another woman? Would it be Tara’s arms he fell back into? She hoped not. But the thought of him running to a crow eater for comfort didnt make her feel any better. She could see the front door in her peripheral vision, like it was taunting her. Her only escape route and she couldnt take it. A punch to the side of the head brought her out of her thoughts. Fuck. “Are you even listening?” Alex spat at her. She winced as pain shot down her face and through her jaw. “Yeah, some shit about your gonna kill me. Leave my body for Jax. Whatever. I told you earlier. Im done with your games. You wanna kill me? Get it fucking over with.” Another smack split her cheek and had her seeing stars. Her ears were ringing with the force of the smack and she blinked hard trying to come to her senses. She heard the safety click off on the gun and her stomach dropped. “Are you gonna cry?” He taunted. Gritting her teeth, Delaney looked forward. Was she fuck going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her panic. No if she was being taken from this earth, she was doing it swinging. She was fighting. She wasnt going to make it easy for this bastard. “Any Last words my love?” He grinned as he looked down at her. So scared, but trying to be so strong. He could see it in her eyes, the fear, and he would be lying if he said it didnt make him happy. “Yeah, I hope that Jax tortures you before he kills you. I hope he hurts you so fucking bad. Makes you cry like the pathetic little boy you really are on the inside. Theres a reason you are the way you are Alex. What is it huh? Mommy didnt love you enough? Did she not hug you? Did Daddy beat you? Was he never proud? Were you never good enough Alex Reid? Tried your hardest but never got daddy and mommy’s approval.” She could see the rage flicker in his eyes. It was working, she was getting to him. With any luck he would kill her quickly. 

Pulling up to the unusually quiet house, Jax was instantly worried. Usually the music Delaney played could be heard in the street it was that loud. And if you stood at the bottom of the drive you could see her dancing and swaying about the kitchen to the beat as she cleaned or cooked. There was always movement in their home, but now it was eerily quiet. Deciding instantly they needed to be careful Jax walked to where his mom sat in her car. “Prospect was right. Somethings off. Stay here, call the rest of the guys.” Gemma’s face showed her worry instantly. “Ya’know shes probably in bed getting rest like the doctor told her yesterday. You should probably leave her alone, let her rest. The doors not smashed off, its not trashed and theres no sign of an intruder. Jax maybe give her time.” Gemma tried to reason with her son, there was no sign of anything being wrong apart from the house being quiet. Sleeping people dont make much noise. Jax shook his head as he thought about what his mom said. He had the same feeling as Halfsack now he was here. His stomach twisted painfully. He just had to see her. Once he saw with his own eyes he would know she was okay and he would leave her to rest. “Okay, your probably right. I’ll go in through the garage and just check on her.” Knowing her son wasnt going to rest until he saw her in the flesh, Gemma agreed. Lighting a cigarette, she sat back and waited for Jax to come back. 

[stellagibs0ns]

another pregnant fic request! Bedelia is heavily pregnant. She's super clingy to Hannibal (in her own way) and then some days she just despises him. And Hannibal's just super confused but of course, he understands what's up (hormones!)

parents bedannibal parents bedannibal parents bedannibal im so normal

—

Bedelia props herself up against the pillows, huffing uncomfortably. Hannibal has been awake since seven or so, and it’s coming on nine and Bedelia has no intentions of getting out of bed for at least another hour.

He’s clattering in the kitchen, and it sets her jaw on edge. She isn’t usually quick to anger, but she’s uncomfortable and hormonal, and all but ready to snap. She makes a conscious effort not to snap at him — his intentions are always good. But he’s making it royally difficult.

She closes her eyes, exhaling slowly and resting her hand on the swell of her stomach. Bedelia falls into a light sleep, before she wakes to a dip in the bed. She opens one eye, and meets Hannibal’s attentive gaze.

“Good morning,” he says, leaning in to kiss her. She turns her cheek slightly.

“Mm. Not until I’ve brushed my teeth.”

Hannibal doesn’t react, but simply kisses her forehead and sits back.

“How do you feel?”

Bedelia huffs, her hand resting at the base of her belly. Just gone eight months pregnant. She’s hardly overjoyed. Naturally, she’s anticipating motherhood. She’s thrilled, really. She never thought much of being a mother until she fell pregnant, and she didn’t have it in her to pass on the opportunity. Her own mother was neglectful and cold, and she saw this as an opportunity to be better.

Still, she’s always been slight, and this has taken an immense toll on her body. With the backache, and the soreness. Her hormones scattered, and the weight gain, and the preparations. It’s driving her insane.

“I’m fine. Tired,” she says, closing her eyes and exhaling.

“Understandable,” Hannibal says gently, his thumb caressing her shoulder. “How is the back pain? Any nausea? It’s perfectly normal to feel run down.”

“I’m fine, Hannibal,” she snaps, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I understand what’s normal, because I’m the one carrying a child. I do not need to be coddled. I’m pregnant, not an invalid.”

She’s a live wire at this point. The pregnancy has been hard enough with her age, and she’s never liked to be fussed over. She’s made it this far alone, and she has no intention of being pandered to now.

Hannibal chooses not to argue with her. She assumes it’s because he’s attuned to her moods by now, but she partly wishes he’d argue back for once.

“I understand that, Bedelia,” he says, not an ounce of anger in his voice. “Your body is creating a new life. You are far from an invalid. But you know that I worry about you. I don’t want you to keep things from me, now or at any other point.”

“Yes, and I told you, I’m perfectly fine.”

Hannibal purses his lips, and he lifts his chin slightly. He stands, pushing back her hair and pressing a kiss to her hairline. Bedelia bites her tongue.

“I’ll be in my study, should you need anything.”

As he turns to leave, Bedelia exhales and reaches for his hand. She doesn’t look at him — she’s too stubborn for that.

“Mm. Stay a minute. My back is…acting up,” she says, and while her back is always aching these days, that was simply an excuse to keep him around.

Hannibal settles onto the bed beside her, and she shifts herself closer to him. His chin rests atop her head, his hand settling on her swollen stomach.

“I don’t mean to be short with you, darling,” she admits with a sigh, clearing her throat and resting her hand over his. “I’m…agitated. More so than usual.”

Hannibal nestles his nose in her hair, closing his eyes.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he says, his free hand thumbing at the hair at the nape of her neck. “A little while longer, and things will balance out.”

“Mm,” she hums in concurrence, resting her head against his shoulder. “I feel enormous. I can’t stand it.”

“I’d prefer not to argue with you,” he starts. “But that, I cannot agree with. You’ve never looked so beautiful.”

“You’re obliged to say that. I might very well break down if you don’t.”

“You know as well as I do that I rarely say things I don’t mean.”

“Stop talking,” she mumbles, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “I love you.”

Hannibal holds her that bit closer.

“And I you.”

[lostonehero]

This is a dumb weird idea, but hear me out

So snakes turtles and lizards have the ability to retain sperm for years at a time so what if Ariana did this and didn't realize so she is currently 3 months pregnant and unaware but moody as he'll due to hormones and it comes to head with Lance and mewtwo

"I am going to Sinnoh, I am going to see my mother, and I will not be treated this way anymore." Ariana huffs

Giovanni tries to comfort her and fails as mewtwo ribs at her

Ariana can't keep her Temper in check and releases a dragon breath at mewtwo, which reflects back at her burning her hair off, revealing her antenna

Mewtwo and Lance are stunned

Lance pauses. "Flygon antenna, you did experiments on yourself, and that was a dragon breath."

Ariana snaps as her binder rips, and her wings are on full display. "Listen here, you dragon piss baby. I was born a half pokemon. My mother is the alpha flygon, and I will not sit here and listen to you insult me or my mother."

Giovanni pulls Lance back so he isn't hit by a flamethrower.

Lance mumbles. "You still have juvenile markings."

"BECAUSE IM STILL FUCKING GROWING AND IT FUCKING HURTS YOU CUNT, HALF POKEMON DRAGONS HAVE A SECOND GROWTH SPURT THEY ARE THE SLOWEST TO GROW." She shouts turning her attention to Mewtwo. "AND LETS NOT FORGET YOU FUCKED UP I AM FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF LYING TO MY MOTHER ABOUT MY SON YOU FUCKING TOO MY BABY AWAY FROM ME AND I HAVE HAD THE DECENCY TO NOT TEAR YOU LIMB BY LIMB. YOU WANT TO KNOW THE REAL REASON YOU WERE CREATED BECAUSE NEW ASKED US TO MAKE YOU AND YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN UNGRATEFUL LITTKE FUCK IF YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH FUCKING KILL YOURSELF OR I WILL DO IT FOR YOU."

Something clicks in Giovanni mind. "Oh... oh no."

Ariana lunges at Mewtwo landing a dragon claw that leaves a gash on his abdomen. "Fucking give my sons memory back now."

Mewtwo just teleports away.

"Ariana when was your last period?"

"WHY THE FU-...." She pauses, flying back down. The confusion halted her anger in its tracks. "Huh, uhhhhh, I don't remember."

"Remember the last time you lost your Temper this bad?"

"Yeah, but that's impossible. You're infertile now after yaknow the mewtwo incident."

Lance clears his throat. "Uh, before you yell at me again, but uh, flygon can retain sperm up to 5 years."

Ariana turns red. "Ah fuck I totally forgot, and I was looking at old baby photos a while back must of triggered that." She pauses again. "Ah.... I'll be at my clinic checking how far along I am.... Lance don't you fuckinh tell anyone that I'm a half pokemon."

Lance nods. "Why would I do that? I hate you but even I can put the pieces together that poachers would do unspeakable things to get you." He sighs. "I hate poachers more then I hate rocket and you two."

Giovanni sighs watching Ariana fly off. "Look if I pull some strings and get you that thing you want can you tell me more facts about flygon.... we are visiting her mom in sinnoh when she travels out for that and she terrifies me."

"Ok, only because I really want that thing done."

[lostinbirbilling]

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

[decaffloki]

i wish people talked about struggling with anger more

[hollandsmushroom]

Can you pleaseee write a fic where the reader is very pregnant and her and tom get into a huge argument and when tom is about to walk out on her, her water breaks.

"Tom, you don't control me, you don't get to decide what I can and cannot do!" you shout, hands flailing wildly in an attempt to show how you were feeling. Your stomach was bulging out, showing just how pregnant you were, and thats what started this whole issue.

Tom was mad that you had been doing some stuff that you shouldn't be doing while pregnant, it really wasn't anything serious, just silly things like carrying too much weight or drinking too much coffee every once in a while. But these things were driving Tom crazy, making him furious that you weren't taking as much care of your body and your baby as you should be, or at least his definition of what you should be doing, if it was up to him you would have been on bed rest for the past many months, not having that nag that you were in danger somewhere and he couldn't help you. Though his definition of danger was a hang nail at this point.

"I know that but its my kid too!" Tom shouted back

"That doesn't mean that you can tell me what I can do, it may be your kid but at the end of the day its my body!" you scream at this point, your hormones raging as tears fell from your face.

"Y/n, calm down" he groaned, raking his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN," you cry out "Im leaving, dont text me" you mumble, grabbing your bag and moving to head out the door.

"Y/n, please" Tom's didn't know what was happening, his mind was racing, he didn't know why this was happening, he hadn't meant for it to become this much of a thing, and he certainly didn't want you to leave.

Your hand reached for the door handle but before your hand could meet the cool metal you felt a sudden wetness between your thighs, your pants growing darker as the liquid seeped through the cloth. You turned back to Tom, a look of fear and confusion on your face, any anger you had held melting away.

"Tommy" you mumble, eyes welling with tears as you felt the contractions in your uterus.

"Y/n, please Im sorry, I didn't mean to yell" his hands were over his face scrubbing into his tired eyes.

"TOMMY!" you try again, louder this time, your voice laced with desperation, making him look up at you, eyes widening as he saw the wetness that was spreading across the front of your pants. 

"Oh baby, the baby, it's its coming" he seemed frazzled, and if you weren't in labor you would have laughed.

"Tommy, I'm sorry I yelled" you mumble, as he made his way up to you, grabbing the already packed hospital bag, slinging an arm around your waist to help you walk and making his way out of the door.

"I'm sorry I yelled too sweetie, but the baby is coming so its all gonna be okay, we are gonna be okay" he kissed your forehead gently as he buckled you into the car.

"I don't know if I am ready Tom" you whimper, clutching your belly.

"Yes you are, I'm with you, we are in this together"

Send a request for Father’s Day blurb event

[violetnotez]

Haaaaiiii! I don't know if you've done this before, but can you do a headcanon with Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, and Kaminari (separately) dating a slim thicc reader who's waaaaay to kind to everyone for her own good? Sorry if that was specific lol. It just suits my life.

HC: Slim Thicc + Overly Nice Reader | BNHA

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugo, Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, suggestive content

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Shop Owner Note: The fuq how did you describe me in four words lmaoooo-I really liked this idea alot!!!!! Also I only did Bakugo, Izuku and Shoto caus emy brain got fried, so hope thats okay!

Midoriya

THIS GIF ISNT APART OF THE HC AT ALL I JUST FOUND IT AND NOW IM FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAYYYY😳😳

Midoriya most definitely drink his respect women juice

He was raised by his mother after all

BUT

doesnt mean the boy cant be a little perverted-

He just loves your body!!!!!

How can he NOT love everything about it, from the way your school tights slightly squeeze your thighs to the point where he feel like he cant breath

Or when you wear his shirts and its tighter around the chest and flowy around you waist

Mmmmmm lets not forget your hero suit- this man would probably kiss the shoes of the person who made your suit

Cause DAMN they really made it as tight as possible and he just loves it sm

Lets be real this dude has probably popped a boner by accident just thinking about your hero suit 😶

ANYWAYS 💀💀💀💀

He is very much respectful about you and keeps his raging hormones horniness to himself

He is ALWAYS making sure you feel comfortable in your relationship, whether its from holding hands to cuddling, he will always make sure you give your consent

Now, when it comes to your kindness, this is something Midoriya probably loves the most about you

But he does find it really concerning when he notices you say “yes” to everything somebody asks you to do for them

And running yourself down, not looking as energetic as yourself

He is very observant, so he notices little things that signal you are little overwhelmed 

Like your clothes arent as perfectly ironed as they used to be, you seem to be forgetting your own things while remembering to bring everybody else’s, your smile seems strained, and you just look stressed

He is so incredibly empathetic- it pains him to his s/o look so distraught 

It does anger him a bit that these people can so easily take advantage of you, and not even care that you arent feeling your best because of what they asked of you

But he swallows down the anger, offering to help you with whatever you need at your dorm room

He tries to make it as stress free as he possibly can, bringing your favorite snacks and playlist of music to calm your mind

But at some point hed give you a very gentle talk,,,,

He knows you havent been feeling too great, whether you deny it or not, and he wants you to know that its perfectly okay to not say “yes” to every person

He knows you mean well and you want to help everyone out of the generosity of your heart, and he loves that about you

But you as a person are important, and you come first over anyone

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Bakugo

Like Midoriya, just LOVES your body

Like cmon, how can he NOT

Dude is a ass+boob man change ma mind 

At first he deifnitely denies it-

Him??? Stare at your ass??? Pshh he was looking at the oven baka, if anything your ass was blocking his view-

You would know you caught him red handed cause he face would get redder than Momo’s hero suit and he would actually stutter—-

Which would make him extrmeely annoyed and he’d be cussing a storm+be in a grumpy mood for an hour or two

But once you two get more comfortable in your relationship-

NO HOLDING BACK

He will have use every opportunity to just be meannnn

And by mean

I mean turn slapping your ass into some sick game

Like if you dont yelp and cuss him out whats the point?

Once he slapped you so hard he legit left his big ass hand print on your butt cheek and you were about to slap his smug ass back....

But off a 50ft building  🙃

Also a big softie too

Like when you to cuddle he loves cuddling into your chest 🥺🥺

To him it’s just so comfyyyyyyyyyy

Honestly, Bakugo can’t understand at all how you can be so nice to people

It confuses him???? But he finds it really....nice???

Like half the stuff you do for people Bakugo wouldn’t ever dream of doing

He knows he’d either give that person an intimidating, dirty look or just laugh at them, cause yeah right he’d waste his time with their stupid problems

Ouchhhhhhhh

But you are totally different than him-you had a lot more patience and sympathy than he had, always coming to everyone’s rescue it seemed like

He finds it attractive and to him, it confuses the hell out of him how he does

But what bothers him is how much time you spend away from him

He won’t ever admit it, but he feels lonely when you’re not around

And what’s even worse-is by the time you do hang out with him, your too tired to even properly pay attention to him after running around and doing everything for everyone else

Bakugo the Attention Whore

One day this dude would have enough, as he’s been getting the bad end of the stick for a good couple of weeks——

He just barges into were ever your at, and doesn’t give to shits what so everrrrr

Bakugo has one mission in mind: getting his s/o back

Wouldn’t acknowledge anyone but you, grabbing your wrist and yanking you out of the room even if your protesting with him

“The hell are you doing Bakugo, let go-“

“No 😠”

“Pleaseeeeeee I was in the middle of working on something-“

“I said NO 😠😠😠”

Angry Pomeranian Activated

Once stop dragging you until he locks you in his room, forcing you to hear him out

He HATES being emotional or open, but at that, he starts spilling his guts through gritted teeth and choppy sentences,,

Saying that you waste too much time in thise “extras”, that they don’t deserve as much time as you give them, and that you have more “important” things than do all their work for them

*cough cough him being the more important thing

But hoenstly, you feel a little bad for him,,,,,

So you compromise with him and promise you’ll spend more time on him

He’s pretty happy with that,

but now he takes it one step further to make sure you deifnitely have enough time to hang out with him

If he’s around when someone asks you for help, he’ll cut them off and lie straight theough his teeth, saying you two have a “date” and squeezing you close to him with an iron grip

“Wait-Bakugo-we didnt have a date planned-“

“Tsch, now we do-“

Shoto Todoroki

I have said this timeeee and timeeee againnnn

But Shoto really is the definition of innocence

So really, it wouldn’t ever dawn on him on how killer his s/o’s body is

He’s just kinda like....yeah I know they have a butt and chest? Doesn’t everyone?😶

This poor Boi someone help him

It only really sets it after a few months of being together that he’s actually really, really in love with your body

Like how did he never notice how good you look in leggings?

Or how soft and comfortable your chest is?

And why does he want you to squeeze him with your thighs? 😳

Hormones are ragingggggg

And also veryyyyyyyy protective over you

Shoto is very observant and quiet in social situations, usually opting to check out his surroundings instead of trying to be sociable

So he’ll catch from time to time classmates commenting on you and your figure, and it never sits very well with him

At first when these incidences happened he was very conflicted, not understanding this intense jealousy and need to protect you

But after a while of contemplating his feelings, he understood it was because he was protective of you

And ohohoohohoh

This man is PROTECTIVE

He does little things you would never reallly notice until you actually do

Like when he takes you home after hanging out or a date, he lingers a little longer outside your door to make sure you’re inside safely

Or when you’re walking together he will make sure your walking inside the street and away from the cars

Also has a tendency to grab your waist or your hand when a group of men come your way

He just gets paranoid okay 🥺🥺🥺

And because he’s so protective, he doesn’t practically like that you’re being taken advantage of sometimes because of your kindness

Especially when it comes to other men

On a few occasions Shoto has spotted you in a sticky situation with a guy who was being a little too close for comfort

It would make you uncomfortable of course, you had a boyfriend you already loved a lot-

but you felt kind of bad just being a total bitch to this guy who desperately wanted a chance

So you’d just awkwardly laugh and smile with their stupid pick up lines, trying your best to be polite but also show you weren’t interested

But Shoto at this point has radar for when your in trouble, and just pops out of nowhere 💀

He’s not the type to flaunt his relationship by impulsively kissing you or anything like that, but he’ll show it in subtle ways

Like calling you “dear” or wrapping his arm around your waist

Honestly, the look of pure relief and comfort in your face shows more than Shoto could have ever done,,,

And that Shoto was deifnitely someone that was more than just a “guy fiend” and soemthing like that

Also Shoto would give them a look that could kill and that instantly scares the shit out anyone lmao

These dudes faces would deflate like balloons real quick, cause at this point everyone knows who Shoto Todoroki is

And how the hell can they compete with that

Instant “oh shit my bad” type energy

After those incidents, Shoto locks down way harder

He practically has you glued to his side, and he doesn’t let go

Like at all

Get used to it cause for the rest of the day Shoto is gonna be following you around like some body guard 💀

© Violetnote 2020

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

[luthien-t]

Pregnancy Scare

Loki X Female! Reader

54. Why’s there a pregnancy test in the trash?

110.You passed out for like an hour.

7.You’ve gone to the bathroom fifty times today.

warning: Angst to fluff, mentions of abortions, mentions of death (if u squint), 

“Hey!! I saw your prompt list, could I request a Loki x reader, with numbers 54 and 110 please ? 🙂 “

“For Loki x F!reader 7 "you've gone to the bathroom 50 times today" and 54 "why is there a pregnancy test in the trash?" Where reader is too afraid to tell Loki she is pregnant because he has stated his fear of being a bad father and since reader is mortal, he doesn't know what will happen to her body. *angsty fluff pls!!*”

More prompts

“I’ll be right back, just gotta go to th-“

“The bathroom, yes, I know” He chuckled and you just stared at him like a deer caught in the headlight. “That wretched bathroom has been stealing you from me all day, love.” His eyes were glued to the book he was reading to you with a smile on his face and you chuckled nervously. “What?” You mumbled and stood, unlatching yourself from his body and looked down at him. “You’ve gone to the bathroom at least 50 times today, I believe” A smirk was printed on his face as he joked.

 “You midgardians and your fragile physiology” His eyes averted from the book and up at you, the smirk on his face slightly dropping and you laugh nervously this time, walking towards the bathroom, taking big large steps towards the door. “Heh, yep, be out in a sec!” You yell through the door and lock it, staring at the door before locking it again, just to be sure, you thought to yourself before pulling out the third test you’ve taken today, checking the results.

Your grip on the small test in your hand tight, your body trembling as you sat down on the bathrooms floor, the tears in your eyes fogging the view and you hoped that maybe it’s the reason why the test result is positive. You blinked your eyes quickly, moving your tears out of the way. The results remain the same. You assumed your period being late 2 months was just a hormonal issue, but now? You were terrified.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You mumbled and threw it in the bathrooms trash-can. This can’t be happening, this was the third test you’ve taken and all the results were all positive, all you can think about is him, about that one conversation you had with him months ago.

—

Your body laid flush against his chest, your head buried into his neck and his hands untangling the strands in your hair. “Aren’t you worried?” You mumble to him, you just asked him about the possibilities of you getting pregnant. “Why would I be worried? We are two completely different beings, darling. Besides, you’re on birth control. We will be fine.” His voice was calm, he sounded confident but you can feel his heartbeat speeding under your chest.

“We could be the exception, Loki” This time you adjusted your body, with your chin resting on his chest and eyes looking up at him. Lokis expressions flickered quickly between worry and fear. “Darling-“ He started, but you can hear the fear dripping from his tone. “We can’t even comprehend what might happen to you, if you ever carry my child” His eyes were distant and looking away from you and you remain silent, not wanting to ruin the vulnerability he is fighting to hide. “With me? A god? A frostgiant. You could-“ He then stopped and looked at you, as if trying to memorise your features and bit his lower lip, this time you nod slightly with a slow blink, showing him that you understand.

“Besides, I can’t be a father, you know I can’t” He whispered the words to you and you let out a sigh through your nose. You knew what he meant by that, but how can you convince him otherwise when he saw things you only heard through his stories?

—

A knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts and you jumped slightly, your head turning to the door. “Y/n? Are you still in there, my love?” It was Loki, he must’ve noticed your long absence while you were lost in your own train of thoughts.

“Yes? Give me a minute!” You voice wavered and his shadow under the door stood still, you prayed that he didn’t notice and would drop it but you know he wouldn’t. Yet to your surprise, he said he ordered lunch and walked away. You let out a loud sigh, wiping your tears quickly and washed your face, you have to find a way to tell him.

Your mind starts to wander again as your feet lead you of the bathroom, what if he leaves you? What if this is the final straw for him and a wake up call that you’re just a midgardian who won’t even live past 80? “Darling?” He’s standing by the door frame of your room, watching you. “Is everything alright? I can feel your thoughts all the way from over here.” He chuckled lightly and walked towards you. “I’m just tired, thats all” You stumble on your words quickly and force a smile on your face as he wraps his arms around you, had he noticed your blatant lie? He didn’t show. His arms engulfed you in a tight hug, his lips pressed on the top of your head. “You look like you’ve seen the dead, whats going on?” He smiled lightly down on you and you shook your head, feeling light after his release, black dots forming in your vision. “Nothing, I’m just-“ You swallowed and walked towards your bed, needing to lay down. “woah, woah, woahh.” He whispered as he watched you rush towards the bed as your words slurred the same mantra. Im just tired, Loki. That was the last thing you mumbled before your body closed off on you.

You must’ve been asleep for a while because the sun was setting and the beams were reflecting off of the opposite buildings glass and righy into your eyes. You sat up and there he was, reading his book on the bed next to you. His brows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line, memories of the morning slowly coming back to you.

“Hey” You whispered, clearing your throat after.

“You’ve been passed out for like an hour.” His eyes remained on the book, his tone was stern as he flipped a page, even though his eyes didn’t follow the words on the page. “Sorry, I’m just-“ Your whispered words were interrupted by his. “Tired? Yes, I know.” His tone slowly became angry and your hands found the hem of your shirt, nervously tangling it with your fingers. You try to pinpoint why his anger was pointed at you, trying to find a way to solve this.

“Can we continue where we last stopped?” You refer to the book he was reading and his head turns to you, his eyes seeing right through you and you wonder if you’ve done something wrong to upset him. He stared at you for a while, his eyes flickering between your eyes and every inch of your body.

You can feel a wall being built between you two and that there is nothing you can do, both of you remained still and quite for a moment, just staring at each other.

“Why is there a pregnancy test in the trash?” He goes straight to the point and you can feel your heart dropping to your stomach, your knees feeling weak and your hands stop fiddling with your shirt. “Wh-“ He interrupts you again. “Why. Is. There. A pregnancy test. In the trash?” He speaks slowly, though his voice was stern, you can hear the fear dripping through the words.

“I’m sorry.” You spoke quickly, tears threatening to spill in your eyes and you look up, away from him. He shuts his book with a slam and sits up, looking at you, reading your face and the multiple emotions switching in your eyes.

"I'm sorry" You repeat again, your words hidden behind the breaking of your voice and the sob threatening to shake through your body. Loki sat still, waiting for you to calm down, his brows no longer furrowed but his eyes still filled with anger. "What is all this, y/n? Is this why you've been going to the restroom all day?" He asks, whispering the words to you, trying to keep his emotions out of this. You nod and he lets out a sigh through his nose. "I can go get an abortion and we can get past this, Loki. I'm sorry for lying and I didn't want to tell you until I was sure and-"

"Stop." He rests a hand on your knee, trying to stop you from rambling on and on about this. "stop, before you say something you might regret." He continues and you bite your tongue, trying to decipher what he means by that.

"You know I love you, darling. But this is a lot to take in." He whispers to you, his head leaning towards your and you nod, blinking to try to stop your tears from falling. "I know you don't want a child with me, Loki." You whisper back to him and he shakes his head. "It's not like that." His eyes drop to your hands, shaking slightly. "I want one with you, but-" He looks up at you and you read his eyes, filled with fear and conflict. "I am not fit to be a father, darling. Not one worthy of such title." This time you shake your head and cup his head. "But you are, my love!" You hold his hands in your face and lean closer. 

"I don't even know how to hold a baby, Loki. But this is our child. We will manage." You smile gently at the words our child and he shakes his head slightly. "What would happen to you?" He asks, your shoulders drop, eyes looking anywhere but him. "What am I to do without you here? With a child I can not raise alone?" A chuckle escapes your lips and he furrows his eyebrows.

"If I am not fit to carry this child, My body wouldn't have allowed it happen, love." The hand Loki had on your thigh pulls you closer to him and you mumble to him. "I promise you, If I ever feel like my body is giving to much, I will tell you and we can find a solution. Like we always do." Your arms wrap themselves around his neck and he remains quiet. As if debating and calculating his next words.

"Ruma." He says before kissing you softly and you raise an eyebrow. "What?" You pull away from his lips, your head tilted slightly. "If the child is a girl, we will name her Ruma." A smile slowly appeared on his face and you chuckle. "Oh really?" He nods again. "And Murö for a boy." You giggle at his sudden shift and your head tilts backwards, your body shaking with happy tears.

"Already thinking of names? We're not even entirely sure, love" You look back at him, his arms snaked their ways around your waist, pulling you to his lap, adjusting your legs around his waist.

"Be quiet." He whispers, shushing you along the way and you try to hold in a giggle. "Let the child rest, now." One of his hands slipped under your shirt and you smile widely at the view unfolding in front of you, joyful tears forming in your eyes. 

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

IM BACK! here’s a quick little piece I wrote yesterday! we love a good dad!harry hehe

wc: 2492

tw: mentions of anxiety, anxiety.

masterlist

Parenting was definitely hard.

Besides the happiness and joy a child can bring into people’s lives, it was definitely hard. It was like a job; like work. Being a mother was tough. Having been one for only three months, you’re still going through the withdrawals of the pregnancy. The body aches that went straight to your bones and muscles from carrying a whole baby inside of you for 9 months. Not to mention the lack of sleep.

The word ‘lack’ and ‘sleep’ in the same sentence made you want to cry.

It’s been obvious that you haven’t gotten any sleep, especially during the pregnancy. When your baby began peeking through your belly, you had to make some new adjustments to your sleeping positions. Your normal sleep position that lulled you to sleep was laying on your stomach, but for obvious reasons, you couldn’t do that anymore. Laying on your side was your second favorite position, so it had done well enough.

But there were some nights where you would lie awake until 3 a.m, hoping to get an ounce of sleep. You envied your husband and his ability to sleep so quickly, and whenever and wherever.

You just wanted sleep.

Now that your little love is three months old, you somewhat finally got time to catch up on your sleep. Of course, with the help of Harry.

He’s been by your side and supporting you ever since, and your heart was so full of love for him and your baby. He endure the whining that came from your mouth, the anger in your eyes when you were annoyed when something didn’t go your way, or annoying look on your face when he came too close when you wanted some space, but minutes later, you would waddle over to him and ask for some cuddles, saying your sorry.

Not only did you go through things physically and emotionally, Harry did as well. He put up with you, that’s for sure.

Now with Harry being the best husband and father there is, whenever your little love woke up in the middle of the night crying her eyes out, needing a nappy change or some food or cuddles, Harry would take care of it. You would slightly wake up, peeking your head up and ready to get out of bed, but Harry was already up and out of bed, telling you to sleep. And you sleepily smiled back at him and plopped your head back on the pillow.

But you had felt bad. You wanted Harry to earn some sleep as well, and you didn’t want him doing all the work. He would tell you that it is 100% okay and that you deserved some rest as well, knowing that you haven’t been able to sleep for practically a whole entire year.

So at dinner, you told Harry how you felt.

“Harry?”

“Yes?” He says in his baby voice as he was feeding the little love.

“I feel bad.” You say nervously. He looks up from his baby and puts his focus on you.

“What do you feel bad for, baby?” You sigh, putting down your fork.

“I feel bad because…” you trail off, nervous you’re going to sound stupid.

“Hey,” he reaches for your hand to hold it, stroking your soft hand with his thumb, “you can tell me anything, you know that right? Anything you say isn’t stupid.” He says as if he’s read your mind.

“It’s just that… I feel bad because you’re always waking up in the middle of the night to take care of our little love. And before you say it’s okay and that I deserve some rest, it’s not okay to me. You deserve some sleep too, and I can’t have you doing all the work.” You look at him with glossy eyes, not knowing why you’re about to cry. Damn hormones making you feel all crazy.

Harry looks at you intently and he sees your watery eyes. He knows well that when you express yourself, you truly mean every word of it. So, he knows not to argue and instead nods his head in agreement, although he disagrees with you. “Okay, what do you want to do? Limit my wakings?” He pulls your hand up to his lips and kisses it gently. Your little love is looking up at her father, probably wondering why he stopped feeding.

“How about for tonight, I get this little munchkin when she cries? I’ll put the baby monitor on my side and I’ll put it softly so only I’ll be able to hear it.”

“Alright, if that’s what you want then okay.” You smile at him appreciatively.

“Thank you, Harry.” This time, you’re being his hand to your lips, kissing his skin softly.

“Of course, my love.” He squeezes your hand and continues feeding the little one.

You and Harry settled in bed, cuddling one another and kissing each other’s skin innocently saying goodnight to each other in the pecks of the lips; something that helped drift you two to sleep sometimes. And luckily, it was one of those nights.

During the night, you and Harry had found a way to untangle from each other, leading to sleeping on opposite sides while not holding one another in each other’s arms.

Harry was sleeping on his side and you on yours, and it was the soft crackle from the baby monitor that started, but it didn’t seem enough to wake you up. You had placed the baby monitor in the space between the bedside table and the bed, resting the monitor on the frame. You had turned it down to a low medium volume so only you would be able to hear it, not Harry. But it still wasn’t enough to wake you up.

The only time you opened your eyes was when soft light was creeping through the blinds and you looked at the time that read 6:05 a.m, and you lazily smiled, thinking that your little love had slept through the whole night.

You turn to face Harry, only to find the bed empty. Sheets wrinkled and the blanket pushed off. You place your hand on his pillow and his side of the bed, not wanting to get up just yet, finding it cold, meaning that he’d been up for a while. With your brows furrowed, you get out of bed and put on your silk robe, walking towards your baby’s room to find Harry in the comfortable loveseat with the little munchkin in his arms, both of them asleep. With confused thoughts, you gently tap him, causing him to easily stir and wake up.

“Morning.” He says groggily. You lean down to place a kiss on his head and one to your daughter.

“Hey. How long have you been up?” You ask curiously.

“Since 3.” Your eyes widen and step back a little to look at him to see if he’s joking with you.

“W-What?”

“Yeah.” His face remains neutral and you don’t know if he’s not mind or he’s really good at hiding it.

“Baby…”

“It’s fine.” He brushes off.

“No, it’s not! The baby monitor was next to me and I still didn’t hear it!” Tears sting your eyes, not believing you did this. “I mean, did you hear the monitor?”

“No, but this one was crying for, what I’m guessing, a while so she progressively got louder and louder, and she’s coming down with something.” He says honestly, and it’s not to make you feel bad, it’s the truth. But you can’t help but feel horrible.

The little love was asleep and comfortable in his arms, and you walked back to yours and Harry’s room before sobbing. Tears littered your face and you couldn’t seem to stop. You climb in bed and pull the covers all the way up to your chin, feeling like it’s the only thing that can comfort you.

So many thoughts swirl your mind as the tears keep coming and the muffled sobs don’t stop. Harry walks back into the room and finds you facing away from him on your side. He can see your body shaking and his eyes soften. He was angry at you minutes prior, he was just so exhausted that he didn’t mean to be so short with you.

Harry climbs in bed and scoots to your side, pressing his chest against your back, and wraps his arms around your shaking frame. He kisses your shoulder and the back of your neck, hoping it’ll bring you comfort and your cries die down. Harry doesn’t say anything and holds you for a few minutes.

Once your sobbing was coming to an end and your breathing was controlled, he’d thought you fell asleep, and that hurt him knowing that you cried yourself to sleep, but you turned your body in his hold to face him.

Your eyes were red and swollen, cheeks damped, and there was probably snot coming out of your nose. You knew all of this and thought it was the most unattractive thing Harry had laid his eyes on, but he can’t help to love you even more.

You both look at each other for a minute, studying each other’s expression, and not knowing who’s going to say the first word.

“I’m sorry.” You start and put your forehead on his chest, not wanting to look him in the eye as you felt so embarrassed.

“Why’re you sorry?” Harry genuinely asks.

“I’m such a horrible mother.” You say as you breathe deeply, not wanting to have another breakdown because honestly, your eyes are tired from it.

“Nonsense-” Harry is quick to say, but you interrupt him.

“I’ve failed our little love and I failed you. I wanted you to get more sleep and not do all the work, and the one time you agree, I don’t wake up! And she was in his crib for god knows how long, crying her little heart out because she needed me, anyone to comfort her and cuddle her, and I couldn’t do that!” Another set of tears had slid down your face and on Harry’s chest. He holds you tighter, rubbing his hand down your back. He wanted to say something so bad, but he knew that you needed to vent and let it all out, so once you’re done, he’ll jump in and disagree with you.

“I’m so fucking selfish that I didn’t even think about how deep of a sleeper I am. I’ve always been ever since I was younger too; I slept through an earthquake, thunderstorms, and I didn’t wake up. If I had just thought to put the volume louder in case I didn’t hear her wailing then you could’ve gotten to her and taken care of her sooner, and then she wouldn’t feel like I’ve abandoned her. You’ve been taking care of her so much that you had to feed her formula instead of me breastfeeding her because I can’t get up for shit because I’m too tired, and now she’s getting sick because of me!” It was like your last statement was a realization on how and why she’s getting sick, you’re shaking in his arms, feeling like a horrible person. Your hands claw at his naked skin, needing something to grasp on.

Now she’s just driving herself insane and overthinking, he thinks. But he understands that your anxiety can drive you up the wall sometimes (or most times), and he through the years, he learned to hold you through it all and not to talk until you’re done because if he talks, then it’ll only get worse. It had happened twice in the early stage of your relationship when he didn’t know what to do.

“I’m such a fail for a mother that I couldn’t do a simple task like wake up, but instead I was just thinking about myself and how I don’t want our baby to despise me right now or ever. Like who does that!” You bury your face in his neck, latching onto his shoulders to bring him closer than possible.

Harry thinks you’re done speaking when you’ve just laid in his arms in silence, trying to control your breathing again as he whispers a string of ‘shh’ in your ear.

For what seems like forever, you pull back, and Harry looks down at you. You don’t say a word because you’ve ran out of things to say and you really don’t want to talk anymore.

“Lovie, listen to me, okay? I want you to hear every word I have to say.” You only nod and usually Harry would want a vocal validation like he does in bed, but he knows you’re all of words. “Nothing about you is a failure. You’ve had a tough year carrying our baby, not getting any sleep, and dealing with the hormones. I don’t blame you for anything at all if you want to get some sleep. I know you’re a deep sleeper, we’ve been together for years and you don’t think I know?” He says the last part teasingly. “I should’ve had a monitor on my side too, so I’m to blame.”

You shake your head, disagreeing with his last statement. Harry continues on, “that little baby is okay, and she loves you so much. I love you so much. Lovie, we’ve only been parents for 3 months and we’ve got so much to learn. We’ve got our whole lives to learn how to take care of her. But that does not mean that one simple mistake means you’re a failure at parenthood. It doesn’t work like that. You’re the best mother I could ever ask for to carry my children, you carried her and protected her for 9 months; fuck, you’re already the strongest person ever. Even if you weren’t pregnant, I’d say you’re the strongest. Understand me?” You nod your head and pull him in for a tight hug.

“Don’t doubt yourself or sell yourself short, okay?” He says with his lips to your head as if he wants to engrave those words into your brain.

“O-Okay.” You say softly against his chest as if you’re reassuring his heart that you’re okay.

“I love you, you know that right?”

“I do. I love you more, you know that right?”

“I do.”

He understands why so you’re upset, why you’re crying so much. Why you probably think you’re the most unattractive thing at the moment with your face being a mess with snot dripping down. But he still thinks you’re the most beautiful and strongest woman there is, inside and out. And he couldn’t help but love you even more.

The two of you lay there, wrapped around each other’s warmth, bringing you both the comfort and reassurance you two need. You both drift off to sleep, taking a quick nap before one of you hears the crackle from the monitor to take care of your little love.

talk to me!

[dovechim]

a remedy for mondays 04 (m)

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

➾ 10.1k

➾ summary: all you wanted was just one day off work. but for that to happen, you need to invent a plausible reason. and then somehow, somewhere along the way, things get out of hand, and now people think you’re having a baby with your co-worker Park Jimin after a one-night stand. confused? join the club.

➾ warnings: romantic sex, unprotected/ pregnancy sex, creampie, cum eating... the usuals

➾ a/n: thank you for following through with this series so far. im sorry for the wait, but here is the final part :) I also realised that part 3 was not on my master list, but that has been fixed. I hope everyone is keeping safe during these times.

enjoy, and a happy Monday to you :)

(some people asked to be tagged in this, I think @pjmcth​... I and forgot who else 😅)

The first Monday off work, you have grand plans for yourself.

Grand plans that include sleeping in until noon, getting up only to stuff yourself with whatever is left in the kitchen, and then going back to sleep until its dark outside.

It’s your first off day in the longest time that you can remember, and you’ll be damned if you have to move any more than strictly necessary. Finally, it’s time for you to lead the lazy life that you’ve always craved for.

But the best laid plans never come to fruition, and you are left staring miserably at the clock at 7am, wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. Your body clock has been honed after all these years, and it simply will not let you rest. Instead of feeling warm and content, snuggled up in your bed under the covers, you just feel empty and wronged.

Scrolling through social media only delays the inevitable for so long. Looking at all the meaningless memes and watching countless video after video until you finally cry yourself back to sleep again.

When you next wake, it’s noon. You still have the leftovers of the stew that Jimin made the last time he was here, and you spoon it miserably into your mouth after heating it up, but everything tastes like sawdust. The side dishes from Granny are lying untouched in your fridge, and you can’t bear to look at it for a moment longer.

When you lie in bed, you stare at the ceiling motionlessly. Your thoughts are scattered and you can’t help but feel as if your body is not your own anymore. Maybe if you close your eyes, everything will go away when you open them next and this will be just a bad dream.

The first Monday you have without work was supposed to be the best one you’ve had in ages, but instead it passes over in a blur of misery.

The days blur into each other as you cage yourself up in your home, too tired to go out, but too awake to sleep either. It’s only by some primal survival instinct that you keep yourself fed, not to satiate the hunger pangs, but with the lingering consciousness in the back of your mind that whatever is growing inside you at this very moment needs sustenance too, even if you do end up throwing it all up anyway. You’re far too gone to cook anything for yourself, so at this point it’s only Granny’s side dishes that are keeping you alive. What you’ll do when they run out, you have no idea.

You actively avoid thinking about the pea sized bundle of cells growing inside you that very moment. Maybe it’s because you’re scared of having to face a reality where you really might be a single mother, or perhaps it’s because they remind you of a certain man that you loved and lost.

On the third day, your routine of lying in bed is interrupted by a loud and insistent knock on the door that doesn’t go away even when you attempt to ignore it. Dragging yourself to your feet, you pull on a sweater that you pick up from the ground, aware that you haven’t showered or combed your hair in days, but you don’t have any energy to spare in making yourself presentable.

You answer the door, already opening your mouth to tell the delivery person or salesman or whoever that they’ve got the wrong unit.

But it isn’t some stranger. It’s Granny’s kind, smiling face beaming at you as she reaches forward to grasp your hand through the bars of your gate.

“_______!” The way she greets you is as if she hasn’t seen you in years. She looks so happy to see you that it feels as if the whole world brightens up a couple of notches just from her smile alone.

“Gr-Granny! What are you doing here?” Her grip on your hand is warm and reassuring, and she only lets you go for a moment as you move to unlock the gate and usher her in hurriedly.

You’re ashamed at the state of your house. Dirty plates and cups everywhere, empty containers of food dumped in the sink. You are a mess.

But Granny doesn’t say a single word about it as she bustles in, and that’s when you notice that she’s carrying a large bag that she carts over to the kitchen. It’s once again filled with her side dishes, and she stocks all of them into your near empty fridge without a word.

“Granny… that must have been heavy to carry all alone. You shouldn’t have come all the way…” You hesitantly watch her as she organises your fridge for you.

“Nonsense. I only tried that delivery service that one time because all my friends were raving about it. But it turned out to be such a hassle to pack and address everything. I rather do it myself!” She says in a matter of fact tone as she finishes stacking the containers and turns around to face you with a fond smile. “And this way, I get to see how you’re doing too.”

Your eyes brim with tears almost immediately, and you inwardly curse the stupid hormones.

“How did you… how did you know my address?” You watch Granny, and she doesn’t seem to stop moving as she picks up plates, containers and cups, puts them in the sink and wipes down the table counter.

“I squeezed it out from Jimin, of course,” she chuckles at the memory. “Silly boy tried to stop me from coming all the way down here by myself, but when I said I wanted to bring you food…”

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of him.

“But why me? What about Jimin? Shouldn’t you be bringing him food instead of me?” Worse still, the guilt threatens to overwhelm you with how selfless Granny is being, putting you over her grandson when you’ve been nothing but a curse to him.

Granny looks over at you with a confused frown on her face. “What? Jimin? He can take care of himself.” Her kind eyes are smiling as she turns to look at you.

And then it hits you, that she’s only being this nice because she thinks you’re pregnant. A lump forms in your throat as your eyes drop to your midriff. You can’t lead her on any longer. Granny deserves to know the truth, and like Jimin, she shouldn’t have been dragged into this whole mess in the first place.

“Granny… I have something to tell you.”

“Hmm? What is it, Puppy?” Her nickname for Jimin makes your chest ache, and you have to sit down for this. She is scrubbing the dishes at your sink, and the casual, fond way that she gives you his nickname makes what’s coming even worse. God knows you aren’t ready for the impending look of disappointment and anger on her face.

She’ll probably curse you and storm out. Maybe she’ll slap you with the kimchi she brought. Either way, you deserve it.

“Granny, I…” The words are stuck in your throat, and you just can’t find a way to word it. “We lied to you. Back when Jimin and I visited you and your family, and even before that. We… I wasn’t pregnant. We were only pretending to be so that…”

Your voice trails off, and you tire to think of explaining the whole story behind why you even pretended to be pregnant in the first place. You can’t think of a single thing to say that might explain why you deserve her forgiveness.

“I know,” Granny puts down the soapy plate that she was scrubbing. “I didn’t come here to bring you food just because of the baby. Or just because I thought you were pregnant. I came because I wanted to see you, and my silly boy was being so vague and avoiding my questions about you over the phone that I had to come down and see you myself.”

Her response catches you off guard. “Wait, you knew that we were pretending all along?”

Granny only smiles. “Not all along, dear. But when you were at my house, I was packing up the room that the both of you stayed in, and I found your bag of pads and tampons. Now, that wasn’t enough to make any solid conclusions, but combined with the fact that you weren’t showing yet…”

Your shoulders slump. “So you knew. Why didn’t you call us out on it? We were… we lied to you. No, actually, it was me all along. I dragged Jimin into this and made him lie to you. You should hate me, curse me, anything-!”

But Granny doesn’t do any of that. Instead, she approaches you, placing her hand on your shoulder in a warm, reassuring touch. “I could never hate you, Puppy. Not after I’ve seen how much Jimin likes you. You know, he used to be such a shy little thing. But after he met you, I saw how happy you made him. It’s like we all saw a side of him that only you could bring out.”

There is a moment of silence as you digest all this.

“And it’s not just because you made him happy either,” Granny continues. “______, it would be an honour to have you as an addition to my family. Baby or not. We all really like you. You’re strong, you work hard and you’re an intelligent young woman. What more could we want?”

“Granny…” your eyes brim with tears and they spill over, as you clutch her hand, feeling the guilt squeeze your heart over and over. Granny has treated you as part of the family from day one. She saw the good in you even when you couldn’t see it yourself. Her kind eyes and warm embrace makes you feel safe enough to pour everything out to her. The years of mistreatment at your job, all the humiliation that you endured from Bae Joohyun, how you got fired for committing fraud, and the ultimate irony of it all…

“Granny, I messed up. With Jimin. With everything. We said we’d try for a baby for real so that we wouldn’t get in trouble with the company, but they ended up finding out anyway, and now I’m really…” you stop to wipe your cheeks. “Really pregnant.”

A chuckle of disbelief leaves your lips. This is the first time you’ve said the words out loud, instead of just denying it and hoping that it will just go away on its own. You expect Granny to jump for joy or cry with happiness, but instead, she squeezes your hand.

“Does Jimin know?” She asks gently, handing you some tissues and stroking your hair.

Granny’s tender loving touch makes more tears well in your eyes. It’s been forever since you received the love and care that only a maternal figure can provide, and the thought itself reminds you of the tiny little spore that is probably growing inside you at this very moment. Your emotions are just all over the place, and one thought easily snowballs into another.

“No, he doesn’t,” you press the tissue to your damp cheeks, and it soaks through instantly. “I couldn’t tell him… not after everything I put him through. What kind of sick game would I be playing on him?”

Granny only lets you wallow in your ocean of self-pity for a tad longer before she tsks under her breath, straightening up.

“Well, that’s the least of your worries for now. If I were you, sweetheart, I’d think about suing that company of yours. Or at the very least, getting some kind of compensation from them.” Granny’s voice is a no-nonsense one, and it reawakens the rage and indignance that had been drowned out.

She’s right. Being down and feeling sorry for yourself like this is not going to accomplish anything. You’ve never been one to take things lying down, to take the cards as you’re dealt them, but somehow, somewhere along the way after working at this company, you changed. You got beaten down, slowly but surely, and you didn’t even realise it.

Hastily, you wipe your cheeks dry and try to push yourself to your feet. Your movements are fumbling. Where is that notebook with the evidence of all the mistreatments and humiliations you’ve endured over the years? If you’re going to retaliate, might as well mount a full scale attack against those corporate bastards.

But the lack of nutrition over the past few days gets to you, and your vision blacks out for a moment when you stand up, causing you to wobble dangerously on your feet.

Granny sees the look of resolute determination that comes over your face, and she reaches out to steady you. You make a weak attempt at reassuring her that you are alright, taking a few steps forward, but she stops you again.

“Where do you think you’re going, Puppy?”

“To- to get my notebook. And then… I need to get dressed.” Thoughts are racing through your mind of how you’ll storm into the office, fling the doors open with a cup of hot, steaming black coffee in hand and not-so-accidentally-

“You’re not going anywhere,” she says with a firmness in her voice that matches her grip as she forces you to sit back down.

Appalled, you open your mouth to argue back, but Granny shakes her head.

“Not until you’re eating properly and regaining your strength,” she clarifies, pushing up her sleeves once more. “And I’m here to make sure of that.”

The next few days, you’re treated like royalty. Even though you feel bad for making a woman of her age do all the housework, cook you meals with ten side dishes three times a day, Granny won’t have it any other way. Even when you try to sneakily help out with folding a piece of clothing or washing the dishes, all you get are looks of disapproval from the warm old woman, and you feel too bad to keep going.

You’ve never eaten so well before. Chicken, beef, fish, pork. Vegetables of every kind, roasted, stir fried, steamed and blanched, and plenty of fruits too. And along with all that are all the essential pre-natal vitamins that you’ve neglected to take up until now. Granny feeds you better than you could ever feed yourself, and you wonder how you lived without her all these years.

No wonder Jimin turned out so well.

Slowly, the colour begins to reappear in your cheeks. Your hollow, sunken face begins to fill out again, and you find yourself more energetic. Granny looks on with approval as you work at your desk, writing down a long list of everything you’ve ever wanted to say to Bae Joohyun. She listens with a beaming, proud smile on her face as you rehearse your figurative war cry, giving suggestions on where to embellish with more emotion, where to really let them feel the full extent of your wrath.

And on the day itself, she helps you pick out your outfit.

“This one, you look good in this,” Granny says finally, after you have tried on five different outfits.

You look at yourself uncertainly in the mirror, not used to what you see. The light makeup that you had applied for the first time in ages sits unfamiliar on your face. You’d given up on wearing makeup to work a long time ago. Your figure is clad in black from head to toe, dressed in a power suit that you could never bring yourself to wear. You had bought it on impulse years ago when it was on sale, and ever since then it has lived in the back of your closet, waiting to see the light of day. The lapels are made of satin, the suit jacket nips in at your waist snugly (thankfully not toosnugly, considering your current condition) and your legs are somehow longer than you remember them being in the tapered, slim fit dress pants.

Your hands linger on your lower belly for a moment, self-consciously turning to the side to see if it protrudes visibly. But at this stage, it’s barely visible. Then your gaze travels down to your bare feet, and Granny’s voice matches your thoughts.

“You should wear those,” she suggests, pointing to a pair of strappy, low heels that would compliment the outfit, lengthening your legs even more but still providing enough support so that you’ll be comfortable.

But you had something else in mind, and you have to tear your eyes away from the pair of plain old battered flats that you used to wear every day without fail. Similar to the power suit, that pair of heels has been sitting in your cabinet for as long as you can remember, never having the courage to wear it out.

“Women who wear heels with a suit are dressed to kill,” she says by way of explanation, and she sounds so logical that you can’t turn her down.

You bend down to pick up the pair of heels, placing them by the door as you head back to the kitchen, ushered by Granny, to finish the breakfast she made. Today it’s an omelette egg roll and soft tofu soup with pork slices. The egg roll has ketchup squirted on it in a smiley face, and you can’t help but laugh when you see it.

“Granny, I’m not five years old you know,” you pout at her, folding your arms in a gesture that would suggest otherwise. But the following grin on your face as you stuff your mouth with the warm, soft and savoury egg roll is unstoppable.

Granny only laughs as she sits down beside you with her own portion. “You and Jimin are the same. That’s how he likes his ketchup too.”

At the mention of Jimin, your chopsticks freeze in the midst of spearing another egg roll. Your hand shakes a little as you set the utensils down. The thought of running into him only to be faced with his cold look of rejection just chills you to the bone. There’s no way you could stomach that from him.

“What if… what if I see him?” You say in a small voice.

In all your practice runs, you had only gone over what to say to Bae Joohyun and HR. You kept yourself focused on the task ahead, not sparing yourself even a moment to indulge your emotions. But you hadn’t thought of what would happen if you run into Jimin, how you’ll tell him about the baby, or how you’ll make everything right again.

When you start to think about running into Jimin, your mind starts to overthink about what it’ll be like to step foot into that place again. The workplace that you suffered at for years, enduring all sorts of humiliation and injustice just to get to where you are right now. Your breathing involuntarily speeds up- some kind of post-traumatic response, and for a second, you think you might just chicken out of all this.

Just then, your phone placed on the table beside you lights up with a text.

Kim Taehyung: hey… um… i know it’s weird of me to be asking this since u already left us but… Kim Taehyung: if u can, can u come in today? we r rly shorthanded and could use ur help. Kim Taehyung: if it helps, bae joohyun said she’ll buy you a nice lunch if u can come in today. Kim Taehyung: please?

And then just like that, all the feelings of insecurity and cowardice disappear. The nerve of this fucking company. They fire you for fraud and then beg for you to come back and work for them for free? You honestly doubt that Bae Joohyun actually said that, but that’s not the point.

You can almost feel the rage heating up your entire body. Granny takes a look at your screen and tsks under her breath.

“I don’t know what kind of company that is, Puppy, but I’ve never seen one that treats its employees like that.”

Your fingers are trembling as you type back a reply. First, you type out a curt rejection, adrenaline filling your entire body as you imagine what Bae Joohyun’s reaction might be when she learns that for once in your entire miserable career working for her; you turned her down. But there is also a chord of fear that strikes you through the heart, borne out of an ingrained instinct to submit to your inner yes-man in order to please them.

You hesitate before pressing send, taking a moment to compartmentalise your emotions and think this through. There’s a chance that when you get to the office building, you might be turned away by security because you don’t have your access card anymore.

Deleting your entire message, you rack your brains to figure out how to field this situation to your advantage.

Up till now, they still think you’re this pathetic little girl who’d roll belly up to please them at a moment’s notice. They don’t even have the decency to feel a shred of guilt for asking you to come in and work practically for free.

Except you’re not intimidated by them anymore. Now, you are in the position of power.

And this is how you’ll take them down.

Holding your breath, you type out a short reply to Kim Taehyung.

You: I’ll be there at 10.

Granny nods her approval over your shoulder as you put your phone face down, not even bothering to check when Taehyung’s reply comes back.

“You know… I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Jimin. When he sees you dressed like that, he won’t be able to resist. He’ll fall at your feet,” Granny says with a mischievous smirk.

“Granny!” You chide her with a blush heating your cheeks.

“What? It’s true,” she says with a pout that looks oh-so-familiar. “Just be natural, Puppy. Say whatever that comes to mind. That silly boy is probably dying to see you but is too stubborn to come all the way here. Why, he probably looks a right mess too. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been crying his heart out the past week.”

You start to open your mouth to contradict her, but all Granny does is push another egg roll into your mouth as she urges you to finish your breakfast. “Eat up, Puppy. You don’t want to be late.”

*

It’s funny what a change of outfit and shoes can do to a woman. It makes you feel like an entirely different person as you walk into the office building at 10 am on the dot. You’re no longer the meek little employee stuck in a dead-end job who can’t stand up for herself.

No, today you are brave, you are confident, and you are here to give back everything that’s been dealt to you all this while.

Security stops you as you enter. You’re already kind of used to this, since you were never once assigned with your own photo pass in all the time you worked here. Everyday, you had to sign in as a visitor and go through the security checks only for visitors, which more often than not, made you late for work when they hit a snag in the process every now and then. Being made to feel like a visitor at your own workplace does things to a person’s self-esteem, but you grit your teeth and remind yourself that this is the last time you’ll be doing this.

“Who are you here for?” A burly security guard asks you with a stern expression, even though he must have seen your face on a daily basis for the past few years.

“Kim Taehyung.” You say truthfully, and the guard just nods as he waves at you to put your bag through the scanning machine.

Waiting at the other end after having stepped through the metal detecting gates, you scoop up your bag and walk to the elevator. Seeing as it’s past the usual reporting time, it is empty, and your heart pounds in your chest as you watch the numbers go by on the elevator display.

When the doors open, you have composed yourself again, a straight face as you stride towards the doors. You wave your temporary access card and enter, once again struck by the ominous familiarity of the entire place.

Kim Taehyung spots you from his workstation immediately. “______!” He calls out your name in nothing short of a yell, and you fight the urge to cringe, watching as multiple heads turn around to look at you.

Including Park Jimin’s.

Granny was right. He does look a lot worse for wear. He resorts to hiding behind his enormous geek glasses again, blonde hair limp and dull over his forehead, his pretty brown eyes no longer have that warmth anymore. His usually plush, luscious lips are pale, and he looks as if he hasn’t slept in days.

Out of the whole office, even with multiple eyes on you and voices whispering out of curiosity, he is the only one you can look at.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” Kim Taehyung is almost at your side as he spreads his arms in welcome. There is a wide grin across his face, not unlike how he was before. “We really, really need you here.”

Hearing those words makes you break the eye contact with Park Jimin to look at Taehyung. For a moment, you desperately want to believe that those words are true. And it makes you doubt yourself, makes you think that maybe this company isn’t so bad after all, maybe they do treasure you after all. If Taehyung says he needs you, then maybe they really do need you to help them out with a piece of work that no one else can do.

But no. They had years to realise your worth. Why are they only doing it now, after they fired you so unceremoniously?

So you placate him with a bland smile. “Sure. What would you like me to do?”

Taehyung practically skips to his desk. “Ok so we need you to go through some of the brochure material that we’ll be pushing out soon. Just another pair of eyes to make sure that we didn’t miss anything. I know you don’t have your laptop anymore, so you can borrow mine. Oh, and…”

You watch his eyes slide awkwardly to where your old desk used to be. In your absence, they had replaced the smaller desk with a full sized one, currently occupied by someone you don’t recognise.

“…uh, we’ll get you one of the empty meeting rooms to work in,” Taehyung motions for you to follow him, and it’s all you can do not to look in Park Jimin’s direction as you turn away. “You look great, by the way. Hardly recognised you.”

You clear your throat awkwardly as a way of responding as Taehyung sets his laptop on the table for you and plugs it in. He opens the required documents for you as you seat yourself in the hardbacked chair.

“So… here are all the things we need you to look through. Let me know when you’re done, okay? Thanks again, ______!” Taehyung beams at you as he lets himself out of the room.

Left alone, you relax a little. At least things seem to be going your way for now, even the parts you didn’t plan for. Minimizing the word document window, you open Microsoft Outlook and navigate over to Taehyung’s calendar. There, you scroll down to find Bae Joohyun’s calendar and all her appointments and meetings for today.

There. At 11.30am, she has a meeting with the Policy team, with HR in attendance. When you scroll down to the meeting details, you see that Park Jimin has been appointed secretariat for this meeting. You ignore the flutter of nerves that arise at the sight of his name to open up Taehyung’s instant messenger. What you’re doing could really get him in trouble, but then again, a part of you simply doesn’t care. He was complicit in all of this. You have no sympathy for him at all.

You send a quick instant message to one of the Policy team to let them know that the meeting has been cancelled so that you can hijack it for your own purposes. When they reply with an acknowledgement, you sit back in your chair, letting out a sigh of relief before quickly deleting any signs of evidence from his chat log history.

You spend some time going over what you prepared to say when you finally meet the witch, everything from past payrolls where you were underpaid for your overtime work, a draft from a lawyer threatening to sue for illegally divulging your medical information to a doctor’s letter proving your current pregnancy. Everything you need to take that witch on is right here.

A soft, timid knock sounds at the door, and you hurriedly gather everything into a pile and shove it into your bag. Can’t have your plan given away before you’re ready. You expect it to be Taehyung coming to check on your progress, but when the door cracks open, you see a flash of blonde hair, followed by a soft, sweet voice that you missed so much.

“Can I come in?” Jimin asks with his eyes trained on the floor in front of you.

“Come in,” your hands twist together out of nervousness, and you see that Jimin is carrying a cup in his hands as he approaches you.

“I uh… I brought you this. I know you need coffee every day at around this time, so…” Jimin gingerly places the cup on the table without taking a single step forward so that he remains as far away from you as possible. You can see that he is nervous, all the tell-tale signs are there. From the way he keeps running his fingers through his hair to the way he bites his bottom lip and avoids eye contact.

You never really realised it, but you do always go to the pantry at around this time for your before lunch coffee. It gets worse when you realise that Jimin used his cup to make you coffee, and as you stare at his beloved One Piece mug, you have to stop yourself from crying.

Jimin mistakes your silence for something else, and he clears his throat awkwardly as he takes another step backwards. “Well um… let me know if you need anything. I’ll just be… I’ll be outside.”

A part of you wants to call out after him. There are so many things you want to tell him, but before you can gather your scattered wits, he lets himself out of the room.

It’s okay. It’s the wrong timing anyway, you tell yourself in an attempt to calm down and put all thoughts of his sad puppy eyes out of your mind. There will be enough time to talk to him when this is all over. Right now, you have to gear up for the biggest battle of your life.

When 11.30am comes, you shut the lid on Taehyung’s laptop and let yourself out of the room. You know Bae Joohyun always likes to stroll into her meetings exactly 2 minutes late, so you take your time walking to the meeting room. When you are 10 steps away, you see her black clad figure just ahead of you. You watch her push open the meeting door, and you have to consciously fight against back the pulse of intimidation that runs through your entire body. You quicken your steps and push the door open after her.

Just as you’d hoped, the only people in the room are the witch herself, Kim Namjoon from HR, and… Park Jimin as the note taker. He looks surprised to see you in the room as he straightens his posture, eyes widened almost comically in the way that you’ve become all too familiar with.

“What’s this?” Bae Joohyun doesn’t look the least bit bothered, just continues to tap away on her special iPad without even looking up. “Why is she here? Isn’t this meeting with the Policy unit?”

Kim Namjoon looks flustered as he looks at you, gesturing with his chin for you to get out. When you don’t make a single move, he turns back to Bae Joohyun, visibly sweating. “Um… there must be some kind of mistake… _____, we could talk about this later?”

The way his voice rises in a desperate plea only makes the victory even sweeter.

“No. It’s not a mistake. I’m here to dispute the terms of my termination.” You take out your folder of evidence from your bag and drop it on the table. “Of course, we could invite our colleagues from the Policy Unit to sit in on this meeting as well, but something tells me that you won’t want them to hear about what I have to say.”

There is a beat of tense silence as Bae Joohyun contemplates what’s on her iPad screen. She hasn’t looked up even once since you walked into the room. She lets out a soft sigh, as if all this is beneath her and just a waste of her time. Seeing as you aren’t about to get her attention any time soon, you shift your gaze to Kim Namjoon.

“First of all, I would like to bring your attention to the unfair compensation that I have been subject to all these years. According to my calculations, I have yet to be compensated for 136 hours of overtime.” You push a stack of timesheets towards Kim Namjoon’s shocked face. “Time and time again I’ve submitted these, only for them to be rejected.”

Bae Joohyun doesn’t react at all.

“Secondly, I have consulted my lawyer about the illegal release of my medical information. He has advised me to take legal action both against the doctor who allowed my medical information to be leaked, as well as the company itself who illegally utilised the information.”

You pause for a moment to let the words sink in, and at the very same moment, you see Kim Namjoon’s face turn slightly green as he processes the meaning of this.

“Sure, you might be thinking that it’ll be easy to win a lawsuit against an individual like me, being a huge company and all that. But I don’t think it will reflect too well on your organisation as a whole, will it?”

Bae Joohyun blinks once, then taps a few times on her iPad so that the screen goes black. Then, she shifts her gaze to you, her face still unreadable, but you detect a hint of uncertainty in her eyes.

“So? What’s your point?” She folds her arms and addresses you directly.

A good sign. A very good sign.

It’s time for the final blow. You brace yourself with your fists clenched by your side, aware of the mounting tension in the room. Namjoon is practically holding his breath, you can see him shaking in his seat with his eyes darting back and forth between you and Bae Joohyun. Jimin has given up all pretence of typing and hiding behind his laptop, and he is looking at you with nothing short of awe on his face.

You reach in for your last piece of evidence. “You are aware that in this country it is against the law to terminate a pregnant woman without a thorough inquiry? And if a pregnant employee must be dismissed, it has to be based on relevant and objective performance criteria?”

A small raise of her eyebrow as her head nods imperceptibly, but you can see Bae Joohyun’s expression waver.

“Yes… we are well aware of that. It is a policy I have helped to implement,” the witch says with a hint of pride in her voice.

A satisfied smile spreads across your face as you draw out the doctor’s letter. You can hear Jimin’s sharp intake of breath in the otherwise silent room, and the shifting in his seat as he leans his elbows on the table. His mouth is slightly open, but no words are coming out.

“According to this letter, you’ll find that I am currently almost 2 months pregnant. As such, having been terminated whilst pregnant without further inquiry or offer of wage compensation, I am entitled to further legal action against you and the company.”

You toss the letter directly to Bae Joohyun, and it lands heavily in front of her. You can see Jimin’s fingers twitch as his stare burns a hole into the letter, before looking back at you with an unreadable expression on his face. The witch herself lets out another sigh before meeting your eyes, completely ignoring the letter.

“We will look into raising a fair and just inquiry.” Her words are brief, and she casts a sideways glance at Namjoon as she says this, as if this was all his fault to begin with.

Namjoon, on the other hand, rushes to accept the blame. “O-of course! We will ensure that the entire process is as transparent and fair as possible.”

“No need for that,” you say with an indifferent wave of your hand, and the satisfaction grows when the witch herself does a double take.

“What… what exactly do you mean by that?” Bae Joohyun is unable to believe her ears.

Jimin is looking at you as if you just saved the world from total destruction. The admiration in his eyes can’t be hidden as he grins. Namjoon looks sick.

“No need for the inquiry,” you say just to make things clear. “I’m aware of how things are done at this company, and sad to say that it’s anything but fair. I’m quitting. Notice effective immediately. You’ll hear from my lawyer regarding the compensation that I owe for my notice period.”

You reach into your bag for the last envelope, tossing your resignation letter onto the table with a practiced ease. Then, you gather your bag and make your way out the door, Bae Joohyun’s shocked expression burned into your retinas.

It feels like you’re walking away from an explosion like the cool guys do in the movies. For once in your life, you feel like the protagonist of your own movie rather than the side character.

Everyone else in the office is still working quietly, so you escape the office without being pursued further. When you stop to press the lift button, you hear the doors fling open, and a panting Park Jimin appears.

“Wait!” Jimin has his hands on his knees. “Le-let me drive you home.”

His eyes grow desperate as the lift doors open.

You owe him an explanation too. You hold the lift button as you turn towards him. “Will you?”

*

The drive home is silent up until he parks in front of your apartment. Neither of you make a move.

“2 months?” Jimin finally breaks the silence. “When did you find out?”

“After… after they fired me. They called me with the results from the free checkup. That’s how I found out.”

“So you knew when I called you?” Jimin’s heartbroken voice stabs you right in the gut.

There’s no excuse you could make for yourself. “It- it’s true though. Everything I said.”

“What?” Jimin looks and sounds like a puppy that’s been kicked.

“I did drag you into all of this. It was selfish to use you as my excuse the first time, and I couldn’t let myself go down that road anymore. You made all my Mondays better, but I made yours worse. You don’t deserve this. You deserve so much better than me, than all of this-“

“-but I want this,” Jimin grasps your hand and pulls it to his chest. “I don’t care if it’s selfish. All this while you’ve been assuming that you dragged me into this, that I was the unwilling party all along. But have you ever stopped to consider for one second that I might want this too? With you? That you made my Mondays better too?”

When you take a moment to look at his face, the Park Jimin that you’ve come to know and love over the past few months, the familiarity of him soothes you. The plump cheeks, rounded eyes, and the special smile he always has just for you. And he’s right. Never had you thought that he might want this- because why would he? How could he?

“You want this? But… why?” You are incredulous, unwilling to believe.

“Because I love you. And the thing growing inside you right now,” Jimin lets his emotions get the best of him, all the better to say the words he’s been struggling to say ever since he saw you that morning. And maybe it’s not the most romantic, but it’s filled with sincerity at the very least. “I’m in love with you, rash decisions and all. The day where you dragged me into your mess was the best day of my life. My Mondays have never been the same since.”

You can’t help but laugh aloud at how realistic his confession is. Classic Jimin style, savage as always. At the sound of your laughter, Jimin grins also, slightly shy from just pouring out his feelings like that, but proud of himself all the same.

“Granny knows, you know,” you say in between your laughter. “She knows we were faking it all along. And- oh! She came to visit me, you should come in and say hi to her.”

“What?” His comical gasp only sends you into another laughing fit. “Since when?! You could have told me sooner! She’ll spank me so hard for lying to her…”

“She’s not the only one who’ll be spanking you,” you can’t help but tease him, the opportunity is just too perfect.

“Agh! Don’t talk like that when my Granny is involved!!” Jimin buries his head in his hands in embarrassment.

You tug at his hands, opening your side of the door. “You have to come in, at least! She’ll be so happy to see you. To see us together again. She was the one who helped me with all of this you know.”

You drag a grumbling and still embarrassed Jimin inside, stopping every few seconds to tease him about his red ears and pinch his cheeks.

“Oh come on, Granny won’t be mad when she sees how cute you look. Wait, no. She’ll insist to feed us like there’s no tomorrow. She’ll say you lost your chubby cheeks,” you grin at him as you unlock the door, fully savouring the bubbly feeling in your stomach that makes you feel as if you are floating.

“Isn’t it good, though? It means I lost weight,” Jimin places a hand on his own face, as if to gauge whether his cheeks have slimmed down or not, still fretting over how Granny will react when she sees him.

“No! Of course it’s not good! You shouldn’t be losing any more weight, you’re perfect as is,” you drop your bag at the door and kick off your heels, groaning in relief. “Granny! We’re home!”

“That should be my line,” Jimin mutters under his breath as he braces himself to see Granny. But minutes pass, and he doesn’t see his beloved Granny.

“Hmm? That’s strange. Where did she go? She was just here this morning,” you mumble to yourself, walking towards the kitchen and wondering if she might be too immersed in cooking, but then you spot a scribbled note tacked to your fridge.

I left for Busan already, Puppy. You did well… I’ll leave you two alone. Side dishes in the fridge! Stay safe!

“Oh? Puppy? Why did she write that note to me? How did she know I’d be here?” Jimin is confused as he reads the note from over your shoulder.

You can’t help but smirk at his confusion. “Sorry, but Granny decided that the nickname belongs to me now.”

As Jimin protests with a pout, you can’t help but smile at Granny’s thoughtfulness. Seeing that your thoughts are somewhere else, Jimin rests his chin on your shoulder to demand for your attention like a cute puppy.

You turn to him and your attention is drawn to one of your favourite parts of him- his lips. Noticing that they are still a little dry, you frown and reach inside your pocket, taking out your favourite lip balm.

“Hold still. I’ve wanted to do this since this morning,” you place a hand on his chin and uncap the lip balm, dabbing and swiping it gently across his full lips. Though slightly dry, his lips are so soft and pliable under your touch, and the way he closes his eyes to enjoy your touch has you clenching your thighs together. With every swipe of the lip balm, his bottom lip looks plumper, and you can’t help yourself any longer.

Carelessly tossing aside the lip balm, you chase after his lips with your own, tasting the sweet peach flavour of the lip balm and feeling just how soft and cushiony Park Jimin’s lips are. He makes the cutest surprised little sound, eyes open for a second before he kisses you back with equal fervour.

You make sure to scrape your teeth against his plush bottom lip, fulfilling one of the fantasies you’d been dreaming about since this morning.

When you break away, Park Jimin has a teasing smile on his slightly swollen lips. “I guess that’s an efficient way to put lip balm on for two people.”

“Shut up already,” you say before you start to giggle all over again, and Jimin takes this as an invitation to go in for seconds.

“Since… since Granny said she’d leave us alone… shall we?” Jimin is somehow endearingly shy even though the two of you aren’t strangers to this.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

He tugs you into your bedroom eagerly, and on the way, you can’t help but grab a handful of his ass through his dress pants. Park Jimin pretends to be shocked as he turns around, arms around your waist as he makes you sit down on the bed gently.

“That’s sexual harassment, Ms.” His words contradict his actions as he runs his palms down your thighs, fingers dancing up your inner thigh.

“But I like your ass,” you say with a pout, imitating him and the way his cheeks puff up.

“I like yours better,” he says with an unabashed grin. “And I fucking love this suit on you. The moment you walked in this morning… I think Taehyung saw my boner.”

You can’t hide your squeal of embarrassment as you clasp a hand to your mouth, but Park Jimin only grins as he invites himself to undo the button on your pants.

“I said I really liked it… but I’m changing my mind. I want it off, now.” He bids you to lift your hips so that he can peel the pants off your legs, exposing your bare skin. His fingers on your skin makes your temperature skyrocket, and even more so when they tease at the edges of your underwear. He sees the damp patch in the centre, and glances upwards with raised eyebrows. “Are you wet already? I haven’t even done much yet…”

The cute way he glances through his bangs with the slight smirk on his lips makes you feel brazen. “I’m pregnant… I’m always wet these days.”

Park Jimin lets out a sharp exhale as he drags his thumb against the wet patch to feel for himself. You would be embarrassed were he not so clearly turned on by this, demonstrated by the urgency with which he pulls your underwear down and wedges his shoulders between your thighs. Without a single word, he kisses the inner flesh of your thighs, working his way up to where you need him the most.

It’s torture to watch his plush lips get closer and closer to your centre, until they finally envelope your swollen and aching clit. He wraps his lips around them and sucks, thick fingers digging into your inner thighs to keep them spread as he licks up every drop of your arousal. He eats you like a man starved, and your back arches under his ministrations. He gives your poor clit a break as he switches to broad flat licks with his tongue, and everything just becomes so much wetter. You can see that his chin is glistening, but he doesn’t mind in the slightest as he only spreads your legs wider, one thigh on each shoulder.

The lewd position in which you are in, seeing his golden head in between your thighs makes you want him even more. You are aching to feel him, to be closer than physically possible to him.

Jimin satisfies your hunger by introducing two fingers into you, and you whine at the stretch. His fingers have always been so deliciously thick, and he basks in your reaction.

“You like that? Like being filled with my fingers? Tell me how much you like it.” His vulnerable side shows through as he glances up at you while you thread your fingers through his soft hair.

“I missed this… missed you so much,” you voice comes out in a breathless whisper as you clench around him. You glance at him to see how he’s rolled back his sleeves to above the elbow, using his other hand to push his hair back and show off his forehead glistening with sweat and you swear you get a million times wetter at the sight.

“Like what you see baby?” Park Jimin shows off with a cocky little smile, pushing his hair back again just for good measure. He can feel how much wetter you are, and you can bet he’s not going to let this go just like that.

“Good looking bastard,” you swear under your breath as he rubs your clit with his thumb. “I sure hope our baby takes after you.”

“The good-looking part or the cocky part?” Jimin has the nerve to tease you, but you don’t have your wits to answer any more as he flattens his tongue against your clit, driving his fingers inside you just to send you over the edge.

Maybe it’s because you were deprived of his presence for the past week that this orgasm makes you realise how much you were starving for Park Jimin. Your thighs clench around him, shaking with mind numbing pleasure as he continues to thrust his fingers inside you.

He shows you no mercy as he continues to rub your clit slowly, the other hand stroking your inner thigh to soothe you. It’s characteristic of him, getting you used to the overstimulation whilst comforting you at the same time.

You push yourself up on your elbows, seeing the bulge in his dress pants and feeling the impatience fuel your actions. “I want to see you. Why are you still wearing these?”

He is preoccupied with licking the rest of you off his fingers as you struggle with the button on his pants, setting him free and reaching past his underwear to grasp his cock. The feeling of his thick length in your hands ignites a hunger inside you as you stroke him, running your thumb across his tip as he kicks away his pants. His abs tense as you palm his cock, and your mouth waters at the thought of running your tongue across them.

“I can’t wait to see you round and swollen with our baby,” Park Jimin says out of nowhere, his eyes hungry as he pushes your blazer off your shoulders, fingers working magic on the buttons of your shirt. He pushes that off your shoulders as well, eyes feasting on your breasts sitting so prettily in the cups of your bra. “And these. They’ll look so beautiful leaking with milk just for me.”

Jimin undoes your bra with ease, slipping the straps down your shoulders. He drags his thumb across your peaked nipple painfully slowly, then he pinches it sharply, eliciting a cry from you.

“The milk isn’t for you, it’s for our baby,” you remind him with a warning squeeze to his cock, sliding your own thumb through the messy tip.

Jimin meets your eyes with the cutest pout ever. “The baby can share. They’re not getting here for another few months yet.”

How he can look like a kicked puppy with your hands around his cock, you have no idea. The duality of Park Jimin will be the death of you someday. He crawls forward as your hands rid him of his last article of clothing, hungry to touch his bare skin and feel it against your own. Jimin makes sure your head is nestled comfortably against the pillows as he kisses his way down your body to your breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth and sucking, giving you a glimpse of what it would feel like when you do start producing milk later on.

You can feel his cock against your inner thighs as you cradle him with your body, feeling the hardness of his abs against your softer body, the curve of his ass. Jimin is still satisfying himself with sucking on your breasts, licking and teasing you to his heart’s content.

You twitch in response, feeling much more sensitive now that you’re a few months along, but Jimin looks as if he’s enjoying your breasts so much that you don’t have the heart to stop him. His fingers are delicately stroking your lower belly as he worships your breasts, muttering sweet nothings about how perfect you’ll be as the mother of his baby.

“Want your cock, now,” you urge him with your voice and reinforce it with your thighs nudging him into position. You feel the head of his cock blunt against you, and without taking his mouth off your nipple, he positions himself with one hand and enters you with a fluid thrust of his hips. As if he can’t take his mouth off your breasts for one second.

He continues to suck at your breasts as he fucks into you, the stretch of his cock and the welcome burn making you curl your thighs around him. Once he’s certain that you can take it, Park Jimin starts to pound into you with his cock, his rough thrusts contrasting with his gentle sucking and kissing.

He finally lets up with the assault against your breasts, pushing your thighs together and putting them on one shoulder. This suddenly display of strength has you gushing on his cock, and it only strokes his ego even more.

“You like getting fucked like this? Hm?” Jimin punctuates his filthy words with a particularly hard thrust that you can feel all the way to your cervix. “You like getting fucked so much, it was only a matter of time till you got knocked up like this.”

He watches your breasts bounce so deliciously, knowing that it is because of his fucking.

“I love it, fucking love it. Love you,” your reply is disjointed, every thrust of his hips sends his cock so deep inside you. “Want you to keep fucking me.”

“I will, baby don’t worry,” he places one hand on your hip and the other just under your breasts as he buries himself deep. “Give you all the babies you want.”

“Want you to cum inside me, give me all your cum,” you watch as his expression twists in pleasure, his cock twitching inside you as he pulls out almost all the way, only to slam back in. “Fill me up the way you did when you fucked a baby into me. Then I want you to fuck your cum into me.”

“Ahh, fuck,” he swears harshly under his breath, you always know just how to get him. Your cunt is so tight and warm around him, everything is so wet and he’s missed the feeling of you wrapped around him. He holds a tender hand to your lower belly. The thought that you’re giving him a baby, and he gets to be the one to hold you and fuck you and kiss you makes him feel like the luckiest man in the world. “I’ll come so soon.”

“Cum for me baby please,” you play with your nipples, putting on a show for him as he groans, thumb finding your clit as he struggles to hold himself back. “Want to feel your cum inside me. I want to be dripping with your cum.”

Jimin quickens his pace on your clit as his thrusts start to become sloppy, and he throws back his head as his abs tighten. With three more thrusts, he buries himself as deep as possible into your warm cunt, feeling himself unleash ropes of cum into your depths. You can feel how warm and sticky everything is, and the feeling of his cock pulsing inside you sends you into another orgasm as well.

True to his word, Jimin doesn’t pull out immediately, giving you lazy little thrusts to fuck his cum back into you as if the two of you were still trying to get pregnant. It’s the little, silly things that he does- making you prop your hips up, pulling out his cock so slowly and plugging you up with his fingers that makes you fall even deeper in love with this fool.

“I heard cum is good for the cervix if you’re pregnant,” he says by way of explanation as he watches globs of cum escape from your lips. He indulges himself by spreading it a little, before pushing it all inside you. “Softens it so you’ll have an easier birth.”

“Bullshit,” you giggle at him. “Next thing you’ll be telling me is that cum facials make me look younger.”

Jimin frowns indignantly. “I would never say something as ridiculous as that!” He’s never really been into painting your face white with cum, he’d rather save it all for your sweet pussy. “But that cervix one really is true- I read it on the internet!”

Jimin swipes two fingers through the mess that is your pussy, bringing it to his lips for one last suck before he cuddles in beside you. Suddenly, he freezes.

“I wasn’t too rough, was I? I didn’t hurt you?” He runs his hands down your body as if to check for any sore spots.

“It’ll be a while before I’m at that stage- so we should have all the kinky sex now before I’m too fat for you to tie me up,” you reassure him with your hand over his.

Jimin releases a breath against the back of your neck. “Kinky sex hm? I could be down for that.” There is a moment of silence as he draws mindless patterns on your lower belly, and your eyes flutter closed before you hear his soothing voice again. “I’m so excited to see our baby. I want more babies after this. Hey, we should have a gender reveal party. Or a baby shower. For real this time.”

It’s so adorable that he’s so excited about all this. “We should invite Yoongi too. I think they should have popped out their baby by now. I want to put Yeji to shame by being hotter than she was when she was pregnant.”

“Of course baby,” Jimin muffles his laughter into your shoulder. “We’ll do that.”

You hear your phone ping from somewhere far away, and it wakes you up just as you’re about to drift off to sleep. You stir Jimin awake with your elbow and make him fetch your phone for you. With many grumbles about how he better get extra kisses for this, he leaves the bed for a moment, and deposits your phone in your hands before snuggling back under the covers.

You unlock your phone and open your mail app. Your delighted gasp wakes Jimin once more, and he’s wide awake the next moment.

“What is it!? Did the baby kick?” He doesn’t stop to think when he’s alarmed, but it’s adorable.

“It’s too early for that,” you say as you do a double take at the words on your screen. You can feel the smile spreading across your face as you read the email again. Jimin sits up in bed and squints at your phone screen.

“I got a job offer!”

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 5 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au, slice of life au,,

warnings; little high on angst, swearings, mention of abortion, mention of adoption, mention of miscarriage, unedited(rlly sorry about this)

word count; 5k+

rating; nc17

a/n; heyyy, it’s been a month since i last update this story and i only blame my finals, my sudden lost of muse, and some side effects of my life but there it is, freshly served, angsty episode!! ion know how did this come out but im feeling positive for the next episode! so,,,, hope you all enjoy reading this part, and as always, i do really appreciate a little comment soooo... lol, love y’all  ♡

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‘‘Yes, can we have a brief explanation about the story of our current project?’’ 

‘‘Miss Y/N?’’ 

‘‘Y/N?’’ 

Light, red and yellow mixes and crushes down when something hard nudges at your shoulder and brings you the reality. Shake of your body startles Namjoon, who was nudging your shoulder to wake you up. Pairs of eyes currently stares at you, wide, curious and surprised, too, as no one expects you to fall asleep in the middle of an important meeting. But, you did anyway. Surprising yourself with such an action, yet you lost control of your sleep schedule way before this meeting, so you weren’t that ashamed as the sleep still lingers around your head. 

Blinking, blinking, blinking for a couple of times before your vision loses its blur, and the faces look way better to your own eyes. Shock still fresh on their faces, a weird sound rises by your throat as you try to clean it before talking. Namjoon holds his laugh back, but you can see it in the redness of his cheeks and the veins that struggle under his skin. 

‘‘I-’’ you clear your throat, once again as it comes hoarse from sleeping. ‘‘I’m sorry, can you say it again?’’ Mr. Lee stares directly into your eyes, he opens his mouth but closes again. And you know you will try to drown yourself in the sink if the corner of his mouth hasn't curled up. 

You sigh, before he asks again, and listens to your explanation. You try to keep it smooth, and once you start to talk about your work, all the sleep leaves your head, enthusiasm fills it place. 

You love your work. Falling asleep doesn’t mean the opposite. 

‘‘I swear to god if you won’t stop laughing, Kim-’’ 

‘‘But..- but you told the story of our new game, drool drying on your chin, with such an enthusiastic manner.’’ Namjoon’s giggles cut himself, palm hangs in the air, other on his knee. A manager who is in his thirties enjoys his coworkers suffer, laughs his lungs off. Such a mature man. You sigh, hand curled around the cup full of water for you to go to the bathroom after. Countless times. 

Fingertips pinching the tip of your brows, you stand on the kitchen side of your office. Shame still red on your face, you barely able to hold yourself back from either crying or smashing the cup on your friend’s head. Which, you like the last option very much. It’s a shame that you possibly couldn’t do that here. Maybe later, on one of your movie nights. 

‘‘I think it was cute, though.’’ the man in his much more formal clothes rather than his usual sweatpants and his shirt enters the kitchen side. Brown hair brushed neatly on the left side, his features look good. ‘‘Don’t pressure yourself anymore. I’m sure they are used to these things.’’ 

‘‘Thank you for helping my self-reliance to gather itself, but I don’t think it’s that simple, Damien.’’ imitating his smile, even though it’s more faint then he has, you sigh once again. Taking a spot on the table, you let your head fall on it. ‘‘I was literally drooling all over myself. Ugh… such a mess.’’ 

Another laugh escapes by Namjoon’s lips, but he pats your head also. ‘‘Damien is right. You know Jihoon and Yeona will be cool about this.’’ 

You scoff. ‘‘Yeah, but I don’t refer to them by their first names as they are the Ceo’s of this company. Like you,’’ 

‘‘Then you shouldn’t refer to me with my name, too, as I’m your boss.’’ an annoying smirk alive on his mouth, he swipes his body on the table. Gulping down his coffee, his stares never leaves you. Something hot, almost burning coils in your chest. Reminding you red, as you stare at him back. Mouth wrinkled, your breath felt heavy. 

It was anger and you didn’t know how to pressure it back where it came from. Even before your pregnancy, you weren’t good with handling your emotions, but now. With so many hormones not knowing what to do, you were even worse. Sudden crying sessions, constant fury always ready to burst out, and the sneaky, dark anxiety getting you at the worst moment, where you were alone and in the dark. It was hard, and too much. Even before being pregnant, and while being pregnant. You weren’t good with them. 

‘‘You know what, I decide not to cook for you anymore.’’ heartbreak flashes in Namjoon eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest. ‘‘You can buy your own chicken breast from somewhere and eat that shitty sauce.’’ 

‘‘Ouch..’’ Damien who is currently watching the cold vibrations coming from you, stays silent after your gaze lands on him. He is scared, and not ready to be the next target of your stinging tongue. Though, it doesn’t last that long. 

Once you see the tremble of Namjoon’s lips, and his hug follows his sorry’s, your coldness melts away. Shame creeps back, sits heavy as you lower your head on the table. But before you can dive in your bad scenarios in your head, brutal yet familiar bickering starts when Nara enters the kitchen, after she takes her place on the table. Her nose crinkled with disgust while waiting for Namjoon to end his insults, only to throw another to him. Damien tries to cut them off, but it’s useless as he gives up and rests his back on his chair. Hesitant stares gather on you, only to tear them apart while you pretend like you didn’t notice. 

Yet, you don’t want to suffocate yourself with your thoughts, you raise your head, eyes meeting with the brown haired man. Because you don’t and probably can’t break that cold war between your friend and Nara, you find your escape on Damien. 

‘‘So, we have to prepare a meeting for you to put a suit on?’’ cocking your brow high, you ask. His surprise fades after a moment of waiting. Maybe because you aren’t the warmest person or because of the effect of your friends that filled your head with the idea of him having some feelings for you, you never attempt to talk with him first. Not that he isn’t a decent man, but more likely, you weren’t into him and did not want to make a wrong move. For him to get the wrong idea. 

But maybe you are being stupid for believing your delusinal friends about his feelings, and he just wants to be friendly. Though, it’s good to not risk anything, right?

‘‘Suits just not my type, and also, who is wearing these other than him?’’ Damien points Namjoon, who is in a deep, hurtful conversation with your other coworker. You tear your eyes from him to land on Damien once again, his smiling this time. Wide, eyes imitating it. ‘‘Also, doesn’t it hurt your feet? You weren’t wearing heels for a long time.’’ 

After he mentions it, your feet start to pulse with pain. Embarrassment clouded all over your other senses, but his words bring them back. And you wrinkle your face in pain. Of course, it hurts. How it won’t hurt while your feet try to set themselves free by growing bigger inside of its cage and the process isn’t an easy one. Though, these whining are the last thing for your coworker to hear so you simply go with a soft smile. 

‘‘Yeah, a bit but nothing I can’t handle.’’ 

‘‘Oh okay then. Good to hear.’’ he leans closer, eyes gleaming like a child in his pre-mischievous stage. ‘‘Just in case, I have a pair of nice sneakers waiting in my closet. All comfy and less deadly.’’ 

Mirroring the act, you also get close to him. Palm covering the side of your curled mouth, ‘‘I will consider it, but why are you acting like you were selling drugs?’’ whispering the half of your words, you cocked your head aside, watching his face wrinkle due to his growing smile. And seeing him from this side, you realise how good looking he is. Radiant smile adds more point to his charisma as he does, eyes narrow but curls cutely on the ends, and for a second you just stare at his side profile. His spotless skin dips on the cheek as his dimple wants to show off. Thankfully, when he starts to talk the silvery sheet goes away, to your luck. 

‘‘Well, we won’t want other heel wearers to come at my desk for my fancy shoes, right?’’ 

Nodding, you point your finger at him as if he made a good point. ‘‘I see… Of course we wouldn’t want that, of course.’’ 

After the short break, everyone turned in their work the same as you. And you find yourself so tired after talking about the details of the story of your current game with Heejin. Trying to find reliable reasons and motives is hard for some time, as you continue to work on the specific character’s choices in the game, and why and exactly how they should do is sometimes irksome even when you have someone who tries really hard to help you. Yet, you know you can’t put all the weight on Heejin’s shoulders as the poor woman barely had some sleep because of the pre-cold effect. 

When she sneezed for the fourth time in the last five minutes, you had to stop and be sure of her well being. Putting your palm on her clothed arm, you mimicked a smile to look sympathetic rather than annoyed. Even though you were a little bit. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to know that. 

‘‘I know I asked this before but are you sure you are okay? Maybe you should take a rest for the rest of the day. Obviously, you need some.’’ 

She looks hesitant at first, eyes widens at your words but she covers it with a faint smile and nods. ‘‘Oh, I’m okay, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.’’ Heejin bites down her lip before continuing again. ‘‘Did I annoy you? I’m sorry, I just took a pill, so I think that will make me better in a couple of minutes.’’ 

‘‘No, no…’’ pulling your hands in the air, you shake your head in denial. It did bother you but not much for her to apologize for being sick. ‘‘I just wanted to check on you, I’m not… disturbed. It’s okay.’’ 

Your half reassurance works barely, as she tries to lower the voice of her sneezes after that. And everytime, a drip adds to your growing guilt. As Heejin is younger than you for three years, and you have been working here longer than her, it puts some stairs between you two and now with that, you fix the ice between you two. The ice that you have been trying to melt from the first day she was here, and now, thanks to your pregnancy hormones, it started to build once again. Not just with Heejin, but everyone around you was walking on eggshells around you as your rage came out of nowhere, so sudden that sometimes it even shocks you. But for a stupid reason - well, it’s not stupid as you are pregnant and that played with your emotions -, you couldn’t control the sudden change of your feelings. 

One second being calm and the other being tense did tire you for sure as senses flow through every nerve you have. Breathing exercises merely helped, and that led you to staying away from the people around you. As sometimes words come out rude before you can realise. And nobody deserves that kind of attitude, even the ones you know from your childhood. 

For that reason, you turned down Taehyung’s offer to come with you as you know that owing to his nature, he will do something silly to make you angry or stressed even when he does it with all his good intentions. Some days, even when you are in your usual state you can’t stop being bothered by him, and you had no intentions to taste it today. Which, nothing was normal in your current mental state, so that’s for the best. 

Driving past the now familiar streets, you learned a new thing: Driving with a jean without opening its button can be hard, as you have to undo the button while your stomach growls in need. While your stomach become visible, looking like you ate too much for your stomach to handle, sudden thirst for stupid cravings increased day by day. Sadly, it affected your friends as much as you. 

In the middle of night, you woke Yoongi up for him to get you apples, pickles for Taehyung and last but not least, ice cream for Namjoon. As your cravings decide to choose the oddest times, three of them find the solution to fill your fridge until there is no space left. Well, after you sat on your kitchen floor and cried they had to eat some of them with you, as they basically called you fat by doing that, and paid for it. For them, they just wanted to make sure you get what you want but at this point, what they thought barely mattered. 

‘‘Okay, that was tiring.’’ you whispered through your exhale, while parking the car. For the records, parking turned into a hell show for you as going further and back, further and back, further, further and back has your nerves strain like a string. Though, you never liked it anyway. You were ready to leave your car, but the ringtone of your phone cut the act. 

‘‘Hey, mom.’’ 

‘‘Nope. Your voice sounds the same, rather than I thought so.’’ sighing, you brushed your face by your palm. Words like a needle on the skin, your mother always knew how to use them. ‘‘Well don’t ‘ahhh’ at me. As we barely speak, I obviously expect to forget your voice, tell me if I’m wrong.’’ 

Nodding as if she is able to see you through the phone, you put your head on the wheel. She was annoyed as it was very clear by her high and thin tone. 

‘‘Yes, Ma’am.’’ your reply earned another high pitched warning from her so you had to calm her between your giggles. ‘‘Okay, okay… You’re right, Mama. I should call you more but you know work and everything keeps me busy. But I will try my best, promise.’’ 

‘‘Apology accepted. But even though I know you prefer to talk about work, and the video thing you adore talking about, I’m most likely interested in my baby’s baby. So, how’s the pregnancy going?’’ 

This is the exact reason why you didn’t call her more than you did. As she is very interested in your life and interior with it, of course pregnancy will be the same. And you couldn’t ignore the things you can as she will talk about them, will want to know about them and give some advice from her past experiences. Not that you will need any of them, but of course as you postponed everything, you did the same thing to this topic, too, and left your mother in the dark. You will run as far as you can. 

‘‘They called games, not video thing but it’s your choice.’’ while thinking of it itched your tongue, you swallowed all the tensing thoughts down, and ready yourself to talk. ‘‘And the… pregnancy is going good if we don’t count the constant eating, peeing, crying, being tired twenty-four-seven, not fitting in my favorite clothes and all the pain it put me through.’’ 

She laughs as if you just told the funniest joke she heard. Cocking your brows, you run through what you said to make her laugh this much to fail. 

‘‘Ohhh, my baby. Stop talking about this as the things are all bad. You have a baby in your belly, your baby. They will become your everything, and mostly good things because you will love them more than anything you can. Believe me, I could die in return for your laugh. A bubbly, vivid laugh. Ahh… remembering it made me soft, right now.’’ 

‘‘Trying to be unbiased about gender, I see?’’ 

‘‘Well, I don’t want to affect the baby.’’ 

Though you want so bad to ask how that could actually affect the baby, you stay silent. All the baby talk is already pulling you down, it is better if you can stay out of the gender topic as much as you can. Not that it mattered, you thought. 

‘‘What do you mean? Why it wouldn’t matter darling?’’ 

Huh? 

Clearly, you weren’t thinking, but murmuring under your breath as your mom heard it. When you hit your head on the wheel, the horn startles you both. Fixing your posture, you answered your mother’s hurried question. 

‘‘It was horn, I’m in the car. Yes, yes I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m at the hospital- No, no- Mom, for the appointment. Yes… yes, for the baby. I will talk to you later, okay? I will call, I promise- Yes, I promise. Okay, love you, too.’’ 

You sigh once again. A loud one. 

You do hate lying to the woman who would do anything you want, but you know she is not ready to lose her grandchild, yet. You are not ready for the speech you will receive, also. Not that it will be harsh or critical, you just are not ready to accept the whole thing. Yes, you still had problems with the whole pregnancy thing even though you made your mind with adoption. You still had thirty weeks to go, and that won’t go fast. Not in a normal time, or in the pregnancy. 

Head full of blurring thoughts, you missed the man who shakes his hand from afar. The black haired man’s smile faded as you passed by his side without sparing a glance. Too busy with thinking how to calm your mother after you give her the news. The news that she won’t have a grandchild anytime soon. Fuck… that’s gonna be hard. 

Well, maybe not hard as much as the door you decide to welcome it with your face rather than opening. A loud thud, and muffled curse under your breath, instinctively you checked your nose if there is more than the pain you feel, as there is no blood you calm down, shoulders drop their usual place. Apparently, you were conscious enough to lead yourself to the floor where your doctor’s office, past the stairs, and find his door but when it comes to open the door you fail. Tears sit on your eyelids at once as you close them due to the pain that crushes your sight. Trying to massage your nose bridge barely helps but giving it a try won’t hurt, you think. 

‘‘Oh my, are you okay?’’ from your closed and blurred eyesight, you can’t choose who is the one talking but his voice lets you know that he is your doctor, Seokjin. ‘‘I heard a loud thug but couldn’t understand it was a human until you groaned. Are you okay, you bumped your nose? Let me get a look at that.’’ 

Not forgetting to thank him while he guides you inside his office, now you are able to open your eyes and set the tears free as they go down. Seokjin sits you on the white sheeted chair, handles your head to go right and left as he scans your face and nose behind creased eyes. He looks really concerned, more than you, and somehow it puts you on a stage where you feel like you have to make him sure that you were okay and nothing was wrong. It still feels weird when someone gets concerned over you more than yourself, as who would care for someone more than one’s self so it’s still vague. 

‘‘I-I’m actually okay. I didn’t hit that hard as it sounds, it doesn’t even bleed so…’’ wry smile is all you offer him as your voice trails down when his eyes meet with yours, a bit keen rather than you thought they will. 

Seokjin sighs with a line between his brows but he lets go, and when he puts a decent distance between you and himself, professionalism settles in his features as he adjusts his tie. 

‘‘It does look okay, but make sure you put some ice when you can as it could leave a bruise behind.’’ he smiles, both sweet and very technically. As he practiced it for every client he had and now performing it without any difficulties. It looks natural. ‘‘So, tell me how are you feeling? You should still have the early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, sleep issues, and more likely they will hang around for a few more weeks. But it’s more important if you have a symptom that comes unnatural or unbearably painful for you?’’ 

After taking two deep breaths, you feel ready to give him a reply. Nose still throbs by the hit but it’s faint now. 

‘‘Uhm…- yeah, other than the ‘expected’ symptoms, I don’t feel like something is wrong, or not supposed to happen. No more painful urination, though I still need it frequently.’’ you grimace lightly as you share, shifting a bit. ‘‘But yeah, I’m okay.’’ you try to wipe the fresh embarrassment with the non glowing smile you had in your storage. Probably he should but you still don’t know if he needs to know that you choose adoption. As he is your doctor, and the one who is taking care of you and the baby, you know that he must know about it, but unpleasant eerie stops you from doing what you should.  

Old habits die hard, that’s for sure. 

‘‘Excellent. It’s good to hear that everything is going on it’s way, and today, as now you are in the tenth week of your pregnancy, I’m recommending you a genetic test in case there is any birth defect.’’ 

‘‘What is that?’’ even though Seokjin was done with talking, you utter so fast that it feels like you interrupted him, as you shut your mouth with wrinkled brows. It was just getting tiring day by day with all of these tests, things to do and not to do, being extra careful because you have another living creature in you to take care, more than yourself. No more selfish, damaging, stupid choices can be done as your body no longer belonged to you. At least not only to you and this was really, really tiresome. 

As he was expecting this, Seokjin comes up with some papers as you can understand them. ‘‘As I said before, it’s a test to acknowledge any kind of defect in the baby. These tests take two forms: screening tests and diagnostic tests. And a screening test tells you the likelihood that your baby could have a birth defect; a diagnostic test tells you with more than ninety nine percent certainty whether the baby has the disorder.’’ He explains more as you take the papers from him, scanning the words but they are almost identical as Seokjin continues with his further explanation. The blank eerie gets heavier and heavier the further he talks, and when he comes to the risks, it feels like your pulse palpitates on your throat. Tearing your eyes from the papers that sit on your lap, you stare at the man who is still talking. 

‘‘There is small risk of miscarriage, that’s why you need to carefully consider tha advantages and the disadvantages of these test before you make any decision, even it’s small.’’ 

A slap to the face, a weight falls on your stomach after Seokjin is done with his statement. Mouth hangs open, you stay still, silent as the Doctor waits patiently, now he is behind his desk, sitting his hands intertwined. As if he knows the new information would put a heavy dullness in you as he searches your every movement, yet you gave him hardly any. 

‘‘Do I… have to?’’ 

The idea of taking these tests would be tiring is there but the cause of your nausea is not just that. More likely, it’s the idea of losing something. Even though that something doesn’t belong to you because you never wanted it, and nothing has changed since then. Whether it's the guilt of knowing everything caused because of your recklessness, or it’s because you feel obligated to give the baby a good life due to your current maternal instincts - you hardly say you had one -, whether it’s beside you or far away from you, you feel the suffocating necessity. Even if the risk has one percent chance, you can’t take it. Maybe it’s odd to push your one percent chance to become free with the back of a hand, but that would be running away, and both of you already had one runner in your lives, and the baby wouldn’t need another. 

‘‘I know it sounds scary but you can take your time, you don’t have to do it now. You can search it a bit more about the cons and pros but I never had any problems with my former clients if you need any consolation. And you can always ask for me more.’’ 

Chewing your bottom lip, you still look at him in the eye like you need to give him an answer. You do trust your doctor but that doesn’t mean that you purposely rejected the idea of getting abortion while you deal with an unwanted pregnancy only to come across with a risk of miscarriage. Of course it is always there whether you do the test or not, but that's nearly a consolation. 

Nodding, you put all the papers in your bag before leaving the doctor’s office. Biding your goodbyes after ending with this week control. 

You come to the hospital with a dazed head, and you were going to leave it even more wrecked. But you just needed some air, somewhere to ease the wave of emotions that is going through your head. To catch your breath, you adjust your route to the cafeteria in the outdoors. Maybe, that could help you somehow. 

Not temporarily, but taking fresh air in your lungs somehow helped you. The phone call you had with Taehyung while you were at the verge of tears, too, and you sit in the cafeteria during all of these. Mimicking the doctor's words to your friend and Taehyung had listened to you, hang on your every word as much as he can on the other side of the line. Tried to console you, said that things will be alright and nothing bad will happen as if he was as sure as his name. And momentarily, you believed him. Both because you needed it, and he was being a good friend and you didn’t want him to feel useless. 

For good or ill, now, your heart is resting in ease. 

Well at least it was until you see a glimpse of dark uniform in the corner of the wall, and then a familiar face you haven’t seen in a while. A smile that softly shaped as heart, causing your heart to palpitate fast but in a much different way than the news you learned today, or the idea of your mother's future disappointment. It’s more thrilling and in a way even scarier than the other two options. As the opposite of how familiar the face is, the reason for your heart going this insane was abrupt. Even odd when you think the very less time you spent with the owner of the familiar face, yet it was there, forcing you to gulp down, consume every emotion he forced you to feel. 

Contrary to what you expect - and you didn’t know why you were expecting him to be happy after seeing you - his face falls, the shape of heart shutters around his mouth. And to your shock, it put needles somewhere near to your chest. 

The last time you saw him, the atmosphere was intense as you shared things that normally you wouldn’t do with a partially stranger but with him even though feelings were gloomy, you weren’t uneasy. And to you, when he was consoling you, internalizing what you were telling him, he wasn’t disturbed. At least he didn't look like that. But, the more you size him up, the more you get sure of his strange disturbance. And it did burn. Smoke choked you down, and put tears on your eyes. Fucking pregnancy hormones…

Not aware of your action, you caught your hand in the air, in the middle of a shake as Hoseok greeted you by the tiny bow of his head. And expecting more cutted harsly, as a knife in the gut. 

Whether it’s because of your blind act, or whether he feels obligated, Hoseok comes closer to the table you were sitting, leaving the person behind he was talking to before he saw you. With every step, you breathe another air to gather your confidence a bit high, but it’s useless as your hands start to tremble under the table, fortunately away from his sight. 

‘‘H-hi,’’ no matter how much Hoseok tries to sound friendly, it’s not, and you can hear in his voice as it comes out broken. His eyes are still deep and candid but not glowing the way it fascinated you when you first saw him. Still, you greeted him with a tight smile, wave of your hand small. 

‘‘Take a seat-’’ pointing the available chair, you cut yourself to say something else. To correct your words. ‘‘I mean if you want… of course,’’ 

To your surprise, he holds the chair to adjust for him to sit on. But everything feels so forced and awkward that you can’t stop wondering if you said something to him and cause him to feel uncomfortable around you. Your brain works so hard to scan the memories of that day, but you fail to find something so disturbing to make Hoseok shift in his seat, a line between his brows and a noticeably insincere smile. 

It takes minutes for someone to talk first and scare the clouds away only for a moment. 

‘‘Are you waiting for your appointment or has it already finished?’’ 

‘‘Ah, yeah, it’s done. I just needed to take a moment and fresh air because…’’ your voice eventually trailed off as you realised he just asked to look friendly and probably doesn’t want to hear your whelming emotions anymore. ‘‘of stuffs, you know.’’ 

Hoseok nods, his mouth thin as a line, and even though it shouldn’t, it breaks your heart. Yes, this man owes you nothing, and of course he doesn’t have to sit there and listen to how sorry and depressed you feel over the things doctor Seokjin have told you, but it still hurts to see him this… joyless. The curiosity burns deep and wild as you desperately want to know what the hell you did to make him this anxious, but your mind barely helps as you wander in the empty field. 

‘‘I should probably get going-’’ 

‘‘It’s been a while-’’

Words clashing and drowning one another, silence takes over and Hoseok abruptly stops above his chair as he was about to leave before you parted him. And now he looks at you with wide eyes, fear in his chest growing big as your bottom lip trembles for only a second but he catches it. 

He sits back on his seat with hands on the air. ‘‘Oh, yeah, it’s been a while since we last saw each other.’’ he says but you know it’s out of pity, and you would rather die than crumbling under his gaze. So you shake your head with a false smile, though hammers work in your chest. 

‘‘Ah, don’t mind me. Go ahead, you are probably busy and have so much to do. So, you can leave, seriously.’’ 

‘‘No-, no, no, Y/N. I’m sorry, I want to stay and talk to you, really. I really am sorry for acting rude.’’ 

Maybe because the look on his face, or the warm tone of his voice, you decide not to pressure him to leave after you ask if he really wants it for a second time. But he nods and smiles, and this time it reaches his eyes, a hot pink blossoms in you. 

Though, before either of you can say anything, a touch at your back stops you. You hear the breathy voice before you turn your head. ‘‘Ahh, finally I found... you. Care to explain why you are-...not picking your phone?’’ 

And when you turn over, you see a panthing Yoongi. His hand on his knee and looks at you with concerned gaze. Then, they leave you only to land on the man on the other side of the table, and Yoongi’s eyes go wide. 

He extends his hand in a non-moving shake to the air. ‘‘Oh, hi. Sorry to butt in.’’ he stretches his hand towards him, the ghost of a smile appears on his lips. ‘‘It’s Yoongi,’’ 

Voice deep, and it takes long to draw out when the man in dark uniform mirrors the act. ‘‘Hoseok.’’ 

[anonil88]

I guess I can liveblog me watching the premiere of Genera+ion and I'll be honest im only watching this because Justice is in it haha.

Genera+ion Ep.1 liveblog

This is rated TV-MA so watch at your own discretion.

Spoilers below as always

I'm glad this girl is wanting to call 911 which tbh she should of just called 911.

Chester:

Hi Chester this is cute but that would have been a dress code violation. Well at least this is realistic because he is getting a dress code write up.

I dont know how high-schools do this now but they had a bin of alternative clothing aka old school merchandise and extra gym clothes for you to change in.

This is semi realistic to how kids would talk to teachers in high-school aka not knowing the concept of boundaries.

Chester and Jules Vaughn would get along if only to steal eachothers clothes.

Oh he plays sports and is popular.....

Yea my alma mater high-school would have been like heres another violation because Chester is just walking around on school grounds like this:

Nooooooo please not another student/teacher relationship brewing. I hope this ends up just with Chester having a crush that isn't reciprocated but he learns and grows from it. I thought teacher student relationships were messy and gross even when I was in high school with a teacher crush.

Oh he's sad and alone but is super popular.

Wait Nathan is really at this party and is real and they are going to meet.

Yea thats not something to joke about Chester, even if it was like some repressed just sad phrase that sparks concern in a lot of people.

Who was that girl?

Who is this girl?

Where's Nathan? Uh what is going on? This is weird. (The setup of this conversation and the writing of the coversation is just weird and feels like something that wouldn't happen.)

Greta:

Someone has a crush? Or maybe she just compares herself a lot to this other girl.

Ana seems so fun. Ay I love this kid lmfao he is playing video games in a wig.

Oh she is gay.

This is how arguments with teenagers sometimes go as an adult, you just stand there like huh while they blow off that hormonal anger.

Uhhhhh this girl is a homophobe with gay parents.

So these stories do move in tandem got it.

Her story is so short by comparison

Nathan

What the fuck kind of p**n is this damn kid watching? Hot dogs?

They are self censoring themselves in a arguments? Just dont cuss at your parents and then you won't have to yell because who the hecking first place told you etc. etc. This sterile ass family calendar, ew.

The sibling chemistry when these two are supposed to be buddy buddy siblings is so so dry. They don't even feel like siblings.

Hydroflask sksksks

Oh he was drawing on her arm the entire time what does it say.

They are bringing up the savior feminist person that every single generation has.. That person always brings stuff like this up in the wrong class like math.

So their relationship is sour already? Huh?

Oh there is a church in this school or is it just

A dick pic?

Uh why would she record that? That is fucking weird especially because she is his little sister and she was snooping. All of this because he took a pic of her?

What a bitch threatening to out him (Even as someone who was outted i really am tired of this storyline being told time and time again in regards to queerness. Also its usually always happening to very non femme white m_n), and she is really low key homophobic. No wonder she's friends with that other homophobe girl. Why does she care if he's gay.

What high-school student is listening to Jessie Ware at a house party?

This is why he was freaking out? Because he got a little cum in his eye. Weird as fuck.

OH thats his sisters boyfriend's cum, oof. But who sleeps with their siblings brother? Especially a sibling that they were super close with? Revenge? For what?

Does he like this girl too and that guy since he's apparently bi.

This writing of this show is again sigh.

Oh it was her house party, why the fuck would he write that on his friend fucking weird. Me and my friends wrote on eachothers arms in high-school but it was drawings of pigeons and gloomy bear sometimes song lyrics. He wrote property of.....that's weird as hell.

Who is she i wanna know more about her?

And its over.

Overall: for a pilot this is meh very very lackluster, which is a bad sign for a pilot. There is little that makes this show special to me from the first episode. Which special can come from a lot of things but this episode did not have that special thing. I am going to watch the other two uploaded episodes to get a better idea of the show. I do think this show is much more realistic than a lot of other teen dramas. In terms of the scenarios happening are more palatable and the moments of 2nd hand embarrassment are realistic. Those moments thats are supposed to be funny or give you a chuckle feel very dry. In general the writing is......

I do think people who are adverse to programs like Skins and Euphoria (which euphoria is realistic but has dramatics and is very in your face about heavy topics) will enjoy this. This reminds me of shows like Degrassi and Grand Army with a bit more "grit" and not as graphic as other teen shows. Warning there is still some mentions, alluding to, and depictions of sexual encounters and p**n. If anyone else watched or watches this show im interested in your thoughts.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 3

Summary: Steve leaves you and your son to go back to Peggy unaware your pregnant.

Your heartbroken and struggling without Steve until Bucky Barnes steps up to help you out. With you and Bucky growing closer everyday will he be your saving Grace?

(Takes place after The Avengers defeat Thanos and people lost in the snap are back).

A/N -Sorry summary sucks! If i say too much it will give things away! 💜

(3 months later)

I was sat on one of the sun loungers in the back yard with Wanda as we watched Bucky and Sam running around after Harrison while Clint was working away at the BBQ.

"You seem happier sweetheart" Wanda said rolling her head to the side to look at me.

"I feel a lot better, its still tough but I'm getting there" i told her truthfully smiling as i watched Bucky scoop up Harrison making him laugh loudly.

"Having Bucky around looks like its helped a lot"

"His been great...."

"But?"

"Its just...." i could feel the heat rise to my cheeks and shifted in my seat.

"Just spit it out!"

"My hormones are going crazy!"

"Okay....." she looked confused and shook her head waiting for me to explain.

"Im horny all the time!!" I whispered to her "and he walks around looking like that..." i nodded my head over to where Bucky was now rolling around the grass with Harrison climbing on him, both of them laughing.

"Get him lil man!" Sam was encouraging Harrison as he stood laughing at the two of them.

"Like what? Its not like his naked Y/N" Wanda chuckled clearly thinking I'm loosing mind.

"Okay, you don't think this is real..... take a look"

"You mean you want me to use my powers on you?"

"Its the only way you'll get what i mean"

I could see the red wisps appear around Wanda's fingers and creep over to me, her eyes glowing red and then she gasped sitting back in her seat a little breathless.

"Wow! Thats..... intense"

"I told you!!"

"Hey doll.... you okay?" Bucky asked marching towards us, i let out a whimper at the way he strutted towards me.... i was about ready to throw myself at him i swear to god.

"Hmmm im fine, why?"

"I saw Wanda using her magic on you...."

"Oh that was nothing, just girl stuff" i shrugged holding my hand up "help me up would you i need to pee"

"Of course" he smiled taking my hand and easily pulling me up to my feet.

"Thanks, if im like this now what am i gonna be like by the end!" I moaned as i walked into the house.

On my way back outside i saw Sam in the kitchen grabbing more beers, he gave me a smile as soon as he saw me.

"Hey mama, you want anything?"

"Id love a beer" i said pouting at the fact i couldn't drink.

"How about a soda?"

"Fine! Always gotta ruin my fun Sammy"

As i walked over to grab my soda from Sam and help him with the beers he pulled me in for a hug.

"You doing okay?" He asked quietly placing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Im doing better, theres still alot anger there but im trying my best to push it aside" i admitted to the man who had been like a brother to me since the day i met him, it was always so easy to talk to Sam "i've gotta put Harrison and the baby first. My anger towards 'he who wont be named' isn't going to help anyone, so whats the point?"

"Your a better person than me Y/N"

"Its not gonna do me any good, it wont make him come back to us, he had his life with Peggy just like he always wanted. Even if that meant leaving us behind"

"If he wasn't so old i'd punch him in the face for you i promise"

"Haha get in line darlin, Wanda would be out for blood and Bucky.... well i think he would channel his inner Winter Soldier" i chuckled as i stepped out of Sams arms to grab the drinks.

"You and Bucky seem to be getting close"

"Sam..... don't start" i shook my head knowing where this was going "we're just friends, his helping me with Harrison...."

"It'd be okay if there WAS something there though I'm just saying" he held up his hands "i hate to admit this but Bucky is a good guy"

"I know he is, believe me i know"

"So whats the problem?"

"Erm how about the fact I'm pregnant by his best friend?" I said with wide eyes, it should have been the obvious reason!

"Well actually IM his best friend now since old man Rogers turned up"

"Erghhh you know what i mean! Stop making this weird!" I grabbed the drinks and headed outside away from the conversation.

"Hey, everything okay? I was gonna come looking for you you were gone that long" Wanda asked looking concerned.

"Yeah fine, just chatting with Sam"

"About anything exciting?"

"Nope" i replied popping the P as i shook my head and took my seat again.

"Mama!" Harrison said running over wanting to climb into my lap.

"Hey baby" i picked him up and his little arms held me round my shoulders as he buried his head in my neck "awww is someone sleepy" i smiled running my hand over his blonde hair "did Uncle Bucky wear you out bud?"

I felt Harrison nod his head and heard Wanda chuckle....2 minutes later he was fast asleep.

"Sweetboy just wanted his mama" Wanda said smiling as she looked at Harrison "i still can't believe you have a son and that i missed so much"

"I know me too Wan, at least you'll get to witness everything with this one" i said looking down at my almost 6 month bump.

"Oh Y/N i cant wait! Im so excited"

"Hey Wan, how would you feel about being in the delivery room with me when i have her?..... you don't have to only i really don't wanna do it alone"

"Are you being serious??? You would want me there??"

"Of course! Your my best friend"

"I would be honoured!"

"Thanks, your the best".

"Ladies foods ready" Clint called over and Wanda shot up and rushed over to grab something, i stayed where i was not wanting to disturb Harrison.

"Here, grabbed you a cheeseburger" Bucky suddenly appeared holding out the burger, it smelt like heaven and made me smile instantly.

"Bucky Barnes you are the best!" I beamed making grabby hands towards the plate he held.

"Here i'll swap you.... let me take Harrison while you eat"

"Thanks" i smiled up at him accepting the plate, then I watched as Bucky carefully took Harrison. He rubbed his back soothingly when he stirred a little bit but Harrison cuddled up to Bucky, his face buried against Buckys neck.

"Do you want me to go put him in bed?"

"If you don't mind that would be great, could you grab the monitor from his dresser please on your way out?"

"Sure thing doll, be right back" he smiled at me before heading inside.

"Bucky is so good with Harrison" i heard Wanda say, i turned round to see she was back in her seat with a plate full of food a huge smile on her face.

"He is, I'm glad Harrison has him around. Ever since Ste... HE left, i worry about the effect it will have on Harrison" i admitted "his okay right?.... i mean his young...."

"His fine i promise you, he has the best mommy in the world. Not to mention a kick ass aunt and uncles who love him so much"

"Id be lost without you guys".

"We'll we're not going anywhere so you have nothing to worry about".

The following couple of days felt a bit off between Bucky and me after our friends had been constantly commenting on how close we had been getting, i started to panic and distance myself.

I wasn't blind, obviously i could see how attractive Bucky was but with my hormones all over the place.... it wasn't a good idea to even think about it. Plus he was Steve's BEST FRIEND!!

"Hey" i heard Bucky call out as he opened the front door.

"Hey Buck" i called back from the kitchen where i was making dinner. Bucky came into kitchen dropping his bag in the corner before walking over to Harrison to say hello.

"everything okay at the compound?"

"Same old, Secretary Ross is still against Sam taking on the shield" he said as he come to grab a bottle of water from the fridge "their pressing for this new guy Walker to take on the Captain America mantle"

"Of course they are, they want someone they can control" i rolled my eyes. Ross had always hated that Steve did his own thing, he wouldn't let them decide who he could or couldn't help and Sam was just the same.

"The guy seems like a punk not gonna lie"

"Sounds about right, probably their golden boy"

"We're fighting it the best we can but its tough" Bucky shrugged, i turned to look at him and noticed he looked exhausted.

"Why don't you go have a shower while i finish dinner, you look tired"

"Sounds good doll, your the best" he smiled and placed a kiss to my temple as he passed like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.

At dinner Harrison insisted on sitting next to his Uncle Bucky like always! Something that always made Bucky smile proudly. I loved that he had Bucky around but i couldn't help but think of how Steve was gone.... how could he leave his son so easily!

"Y/N you okay?" Bucky asked getting my attention, i nodded quickly and forced a smile.

"Yeah I'm fine"

"You sure? You've been kinda distant the past couple of days" he said as he wiped Harrison's face over and helped him down from the table.

"Just thinking about some things" i shrugged watching as Harrison run back through to the living room to play with his toys.

"Your nervous..... i can hear your heart racing you know"

"Buck thats not fair...."

"Whats going on? Talk to me"

"Its nothing to worry about"

"Is this about what Sam said the other day at the BBQ?"

"About what?" I asked playing dumb.

"I heard him ask about how close we'd become...."

"His not the only one who's mentioned it, Wanda said something too" i admitted shifting nervously in my seat.

"I see" he nodded sadly "you don't want them thinking theres anything going on with us"

"No! I don't care what they think. Its just.... this is so messed up Bucky"

"If I've over stepped in anyway I'm sorry.... i never meant to make you uncomfortable"

"You haven't i promise, honestly I've been so glad to have you here. I don't know what i would have done without you.... it feels so.... it feels right with you here. It scares me how much i need you around"

"Well I'm not going anywhere" he shrugged "i'll always be here for you and Harrison. Its been so long since i felt like i have a home....and... being here with you and Harrison? Im so happy and i can't remember ever feeling like this"

Bucky suddenly reached over placing his metal hand over mine "I don't know how Steve could ever leave you both. If you were mine id never let you out of my sight"

"Thats because your a good man Bucky Barnes" i smiled turning my hand so i could hold his hand better "after Steve left i was broken hearted you saw me" i scoffed "i didn't think it was possible to get past it let alone feel anything for anyone else..... then you came along"

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah" i chuckled "its just the timing.... i mean look at me, Im 6 months pregnant, my emotions are all over the place. I just think if we're even considering being anything more than friends that we need to wait. At least until after the baby....."

"I can wait" he nodded quickly "like i said I'm not going anywhere"

"Okay" i nodded giving him a smile "lets just keep this conversation between us for now, i don't want the others getting involved in this. They mean well but...."

"Their not exactly subtle about it are they?"

"I don't think they know the meaning of the word".

Tag list: @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam @captainchrisstan @s-t-r-i-k-e-us @lets--be-honest

@ms-betsy-fangirl wont let me tag :(

[freddiesaysalright]

Soft in Love Part 5

A Gwilym Lee x Student!Reader Fic

Summary: Y/N is an acting student in her last semester of college. When a professor unexpectedly can’t make it for the senior capstone class, a very famous (and handsome) substitute is called in. When they connect, they face a few challenges.

Word Count: 2.8k

Tag List:  @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @benders-diamond-earring​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @anincurablefangirl​, @kiainspace​, @lookuptotheskiesandsee​, @god-save-the-deaks​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @misslolasworld​, @not-john-watsons-blog​, @spacedustmazzello​, @theindiealto​, @riddikuluslypotter​, @depressedbitchxox​, @tenement-funstah​, @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​, @sarablog10​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: OMG we’re halfway through the story! So glad y’all are enjoying this one :)

Warning(s): Fluff and angst. Lost of pining, once again. Are y’all regretting the slow burn vote yet? I SURE AM. lmao

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

Part 5 here we go!!!

Over the coming weeks, the show was really coming along. As Fall Break approached, Gwilym felt confident in the progress the class had made and he told Dr. Bennett so when he spoke to her over Skype. She was thrilled.

“I’m so glad you were able to do this,” she said. “How’s Y/N doing? I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

“She’s…” Gwilym trailed off.

He remembered the past weeks of being in class with you. How you always showed up early and that precious ten minute period of just the two of you. Talking together, laughing together, and sharing brief, fleeting touches. It meant more to him than he could really put to words.

“She’s perfect,” he said.

Dr. Bennett raised an eyebrow at him.

“Perfect?”

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “At her role.”

She still looked skeptical. She opened her mouth as if to push the issue further, but closed it again. It was probably better she didn’t know the answers to her questions.

“And Andrew and Sloan?” she went with instead.

“Also wonderful,” he told her. “Edith is hitting on me again, which is rather obnoxious, but I’m dealing with it.”

“How?” she asked.

“By ignoring her as much as possible,” he said.

She chuckled. “Good luck with all that.”

“How are you and the baby?”

“I’m hormonal as shit, and more tired than I can ever remember, but otherwise fantastic,” she said.

As if summoned by the mere mention of him, the baby wailed from somewhere off to the side. She sighed.

“Gotta go,” she said. “Time to feed him.”

“Good luck,” he returned.

They said goodbye and hung up. Then Gwilym’s own stomach growled. He closed his laptop and headed for the dining hall, not wanting to be cooped up in Dr. Bennett’s office any more. Sure, there were some things that needed grading, but they could wait.

He walked, mulling over once again what Dr. Bennett had said in that first phone call. Be careful there. He had a feeling he knew what she meant. He was full on crushing on you, which was not something he had felt since he was your age. 

But that was just the thing. You were so much younger. And he was still your professor. Any relationship would have to wait. Even then, how accepted would you be? The age gap was still frowned upon, even after you no longer had the teacher/student dynamic. Not to mention that after the semester was over, Gwilym was going home to London, and you were hoping to be in Los Angeles. 

As he made his way to the dining hall, he ran into Dr. Edy, one of the journalism professors at the school. She was very kind to Gwilym when he had gotten lost finding his office for the semester, and since then they had remained sort of friends. He greeted her warmly.

“Hi, Caroline,” he said. “How are you?”

“Great, Gwilym, how are you?” she returned with a smile.

Across the courtyard, you stood with Sloan and Andrew. You hadn’t noticed Gwilym right away, but when you did, your heart sunk. He was with Dr. Edy, and looked very happy to be there. She was touching his arm and beaming at him. She wasn’t quite as aggressive as Edith, but the intention was the same. She was attracted to Gwilym.

And how could she not be? He was so talented and kind and funny and handsome. It was all the same things you thought of him. You just couldn’t act on it because of some rules you now fully considered dumb and arbitrary. That was probably your frustration talking, but you were done ignoring it.

In the weeks since the party, you and Gwilym had become even closer. Those ten minutes before each class period were more sacred to you than any religious service you could remember. You never missed a class or your unspoken appointments.

Those minutes contained everything. Getting to know each other, joking around, little bits of private rehearsal. Each one brought you a step closer to Gwilym. Your feelings for him - which you had acknowledged only to yourself - were beyond friendship. Though you were content to keep it there for now and keep you both out of trouble. You couldn’t help but hope that maybe, after the semester was done, something more could come of it.

Now, as you watched him with another woman - one his age, who was available, and would not cost him his job - you were hit with such a pang of jealousy it nearly knocked you over. Your chest felt constricted as your eyes followed them into the dining hall. He had not even glanced your way. They disappeared through the door and your heart ached at what would happen after. They’d share a meal together. Like a date.

“Hello?” Sloan said, bringing you back to her. “Y/N, you in there?”

“What? Yeah. Sorry. What did you say?” you replied.

“My coworkers are throwing a party before Fall Break,” Andrew said. “You interested?”

“Oh,” you said. “No, not really.”

“It won’t be like last time,” he went on. “These people have morals.”

You laughed lightly. 

“I know, but I’m just not that into parties,” you said. “I’d rather stay in. I’m reading this book Gwilym loaned me and I’d rather have that, with a glass of wine, in my own room.”

“God, you’re lame,” Sloan groaned.

Andrew frowned, as he always did whenever you talked about Gwilym. Or mentioned him in passing as you did now.

“Come on, Y/N, please?” he pressed. “It’ll help you get your mind off of -”

He stopped himself. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Finish that sentence,” you said.

“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, running a nervous hand through his hair.

“If you have something to say, Andrew, just say it,” you insisted. “I’m getting tired of your passive aggressive comments.”

“Fine,” he snipped. “I was going to say it’ll help get your mind off Gwilym. There. You happy?”

“Not even close,” you returned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means, don’t play dumb,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “You’re obsessed with him.”

“Obsessed?!” you cried. “That’s a strong word, I think!”

“Do you?” he shot back. “Because Gwilym’s all you ever talk about anymore. ‘Gwilym loaned me this book,’ ‘Gwilym told me this joke,’ ‘Gwilym’s so great!’”

His tone was high-pitched and mocking, making your stomach turn with anger.

“Fuck you, Andrew,” you said. “You’re just jealous because you’re too much of a coward to tell me how you really feel. So you take it out on me when I get close to anyone else.”

Andrew sucked in a sharp breath and stormed off across the grass. Sloan’s mouth fell open as she looked between you and his slowly disappearing form.

“Well, that escalated quickly,” she said.

“I’m sick of him!” you cried. “He was a dick to Dan last year because we started dating, and now because I’m friends with Gwil, he’s being an ass about him too! If Andrew thinks he’s so perfect for me, why doesn’t he stop fucking around and make a move? And if he’s not willing to do that, I wish he’d just shut the hell up!”

Sloan’s expression was difficult to read. She was clearly torn.

“What?” you snapped. “Am I wrong?”

“No,” she said slowly. “But neither is Andrew. It’s hard to admit how you feel about someone, Y/N. And he’s been in love with you basically since you met.”

You blinked, your anger fading into shock.

“Andrew’s in love with me?” you questioned.

She sighed. “Yes. So could you please show a little more sympathy?”

“I’ll show him some sympathy when he deserves it,” you said, getting heated again. “But mocking me like that...that’s just disrespectful.”

“I’ll give you that,” she said. “But again, he’s not necessarily wrong.”

“You think Gwilym is all I talk about anymore?”

“Maybe not all you talk about, but he comes up more than should be expected, I think,” she said. “Look, I’m gonna go find Andrew. He’s probably upset.”

“So, what, you’re just gonna leave me on my own for lunch?” you questioned.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” she said. “I just...I know he’s more upset than you right now. I live with him, I see it every day how much he...” she trailed off.

“Fine,” you said hotly. “Choose him. Whatever.”

“I’m not picking a side,” she said gently. “But Andrew isn’t as strong as you and he needs a friend right now.”

You softened. “Sorry, I don’t want to put you in the middle, it’s just…”

She put a hand on your shoulder. “I know. See you later, okay?”

“Later,” you replied.

You watched her fade into the crowd. With an irritated huff, you adjusted your backpack and walked into the dining hall. You weren’t hungry anymore, so you just got a coffee and went to find a table. There, you pulled out the book Gwilym gave you and began reading. It was difficult to focus on the words, since your mind was still reeling from your confrontation with Andrew. And what Sloan said.

You had never considered that Andrew’s feelings were strong enough to be love. A crush, infatuation, even lust maybe. But love? That seemed a bit much.

With a sigh, you closed the book, leaned on the table, and buried your face in your hands. Were you being too hard on him? Maybe you should open the door for him to talk about it and clear the air. Would that mean the end of the friendship, though?

“Y/N, are you alright?”

Your head snapped up as you heard the voice which had become the most beloved to  you. Gwilym stood there, a concerned furrow to his brow and an inviting look in his eyes. Behind him, and slightly to the right, stood Dr. Edy.

“I’m okay,” you lied. “I think.”

Gwilym turned to Dr. Edy. “I’ll see you around, Caroline. Thanks for lunch.”

“Anytime,” she returned, slightly confused as her eyes flickered between you and your teacher. “Have a good day.”

Looking disappointed, she walked away. Gwilym took a seat beside you. The smell of him wafted over as he did. You had become familiar with the scent, as it still clung to the hoodie which remained in your possession. You wore it nightly, so it was faint, but still there.

“What’s going on?” he asked gently.

“Just my dumb friends,” you sighed. “Andrew has it pretty bad for me, and things sort of escalated. I feel bad.”

His smile faltered at the mention of Andrew’s feelings.

“Have you done something wrong?” he wondered.

“I don’t think so,” you said. “I think I was harsh, but I was honest. He acted like kind of an asshole, but...I suppose he was being harshly honest too.”

“You’ll work it out,” he said. “You’re good friends. And feelings like that can often make things...complicated. But that doesn’t mean you can’t stay close. If Andrew really cares about you and wants you in his life, your friendship will mean more to him than hurt pride.”

A beat passed.

“That is...unless you feel the same way about him?”

You shook your head. “No. I’ve never felt anything more than friendship for him.”

Gwilym inwardly cursed himself for feeling so relieved.

“Everything will work out,” he said. “I know everyone says that, but most of the time, it’s true.”

You chuckled. “Yeah, I hope so.”

“Now, how are you enjoying the book?” he asked.

“I’m loving it!” you said excitedly. 

“I knew you would!” he replied. “I’m so glad!”

“Thanks so much for the recommendation,” you said. “Really captivating stuff. The way this author writes, the words she uses, I just...wow. It’s beautiful.”

“It really is,” he agreed. “The use of nature in her metaphors was a pattern I picked up on and really enjoyed.”

“Me too!” you gasped. “It’s really a wonderful story.”

“I’m thrilled you like it,” he said.

You chatted with Gwilym for another hour or so and then he brought up the break.

“So, will you be going home for Fall Break?” he asked.

“Nah,” you said, shaking your head. “I never go home for breaks if I can help it.”

“Why not?” he wondered.

“My relationship with my parents is complicated at best,” you said, unsure why this was coming so easily. You normally hated to talk about your family. “They don’t exactly approve of my career choice and it never fails to come up.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. “Why don’t they want you to pursue acting? You’re amazing.”

You flushed. “Thank you. But, they just don’t think it’s stable enough. I told you they work in a restaurant, right?”

He nodded. “You did.”

“Well, because of that, money was always tight,” you said. “They’re afraid I won’t make it and end up like them.”

“That’s not really fair to you,” he said.

“It makes sense, though,” you replied. “My mom wanted to be a dancer, and started to go to school for that. She got injured and poof! The dream was gone. My dad wanted to sing, but got rejected again and again. So he gave up. They don’t have any faith that the arts is a place where someone like me can succeed.”

“You’ve already succeeded,” he pointed out. “You got yourself the scholarship. You’re starring in the show. You’re nearly graduated. Do they not see that as success?”

“No,” you said. “Without a dollar sign, they don’t.”

“Do they think you’re really not talented enough?” he wondered.

“They would have no way of knowing,” you told him. “They’ve never seen me perform.”

“Well, I think if they -”

“They can’t afford to come here,” you cut across him. “New York is expensive, and I don’t have space for them in my dorm.”

He opened his mouth and closed it again, stumped.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“It’s fine,” you said, and you both knew you were lying. “It is what it is.”

“If there’s anything I can do -”

You cut him off again. “Oh, no, I could never ask that of you.”

“I’m offering,” he insisted.

Your eyes welled up with tears at his willingness to help. He reached out and took your hand for the first time since he had rescued you from the party. And yet, it was as if he’d always done it. Like a habit. It was familiar to you both.

“You’re a smart, talented, wonderful girl,” he said as you met his eyes. Those eyes which had long ago won your heart. “If no one else believed in you, I would. I do.”

You took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Thank you,” you said, barely audible, and you squeezed his hand. “Thank you so much.”

The next class was the day before break. You arrived early, excited to see Gwilym again after your talk the day before. Your heart lurched each time you thought about it. And you had gone to sleep that night, snuggled in his hoodie, and remembering that he believed in you.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Andrew.

He was standing outside the door, looking guilty and tired.

“Hey,” you said stiffly.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“Sure,” you agreed. “Wanna go in?”

He nodded. You entered the auditorium and to your dismay, Gwilym wasn’t there. You held back a disappointed sigh and you and Andrew went to the front. You leaned against the stage, folding your arms over your chest, and looked at him expectantly.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he said. “I shouldn’t have mocked you like that, it was shitty. And I’m sorry for what I said.”

You nodded.

“I’m sorry too,” you said. “I shouldn’t have called you a coward. That was harsh.”

“It was,” he said with a chuckle. “But, the thing is, you were right, Y/N. I have been a coward.”

A jolt of nerves went through you. Was he about to confess?

“The truth is, I’ve fallen for you,” he said. 

Shit, you thought.

“Hard. I think about you all the time. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. I just - I see you, and everything stops. Your eyes, your smile, you voice. All of it makes me feel - like the movies and poets say - like you’re the only thing I am ever going to want.”

Your face froze as you watched him spilling his feelings. A wall went up around you because you couldn’t accept them. But the words he said had you scared stiff. It was the same way you felt about Gwilym.

“Andrew, I -”

He cut you off by pulling you close and crashing his lips onto yours. You let out a surprised yelp and then struggled against him, keeping your lips firmly closed. With a surge of strength you shoved him away, breathless and furious. You opened your mouth to begin telling him off, but a sound stopped you. The sound of the auditorium door closing. You turned your head and saw that Gwilym had just walked in.

[nathalie-sancoeur-assistant]

This is filled w/ spoilers

So here it is, time for me to pull myself together and post all my thoughts and feelings on the new episode into one big long post. 

So my overall feelings?

I am upset

Not because it was a bad episode- it was amazing, literally so good- nope, it’s because of Nathalie- but I’ll get into that in a moment. I’m gonna put a read-more here cause this is gonna probably be really long- and could very well be a recap of the whole ep with my commentary. 

-----

First off, when Plagg seemed not to like Adrien’s birthday present for Marinette, he seemed so concerned (these screenshots aren’t going to be very good quality because I REALLY don’t feel like going through all the trouble of making them look nice & take hours on one post)

Look at the little bean! SO concerned. It’s perfect Honeybun, she’ll love it. 

Then onto the next scene...

Even during meals, they sit so far away from each other. Why? I’ve often wondered what the point of such a long table with so many chairs could be, especially in a house that’s so big yet so empty. I suppose that it could do well for meetings, but still, this is a family meal, not a company get-together or business meeting with people you have to impress. They have to practically yell at each other to be heard. 

Also, look at this

He basically asked Nathalie for approval. “Should I let him?” “Yes sir, I would.” “Very well, Adrien.”

Also, the fact that Gabriel and Lila have the same meeting place each time. He isn’t just driving by hoping to catch her, they have a time and place set up. And the idea that Marinette is a bad influence? Preposterous! But of course, this is Lila. 

Screw Lila. 

“You work to hard, sir” 

Yes Nathalie, I’m sure you know what working to hard feels like. You’re not exactly relaxing, yourself. 

---

Next scene! 

Ms. Bustier: Marinette, would you bring your school bag to me please, I need to check something

Okay so first off, you’re going off of an anonymous tip that one of your best and most well-behaved students (Aside from being late quite often) is a thief and a cheat? And secondly, you really think that she is SO STUPID that if she had taken them knowingly, she wouldn’t have maybe removed them from her bag? Third, why did Marinette not FIND them in her bag before school started, take them out, and maybe call Alya or something. 

“That’s impossible Marinette, Lila got the worst grade in the class” not impossible if she stole them after the test- also, way to be subtle on grades. I thought teachers were supposed to keep that stuff relatively undercover. 

And Adrien really said “Marinette Rights”

---

So.

There’s no sound of crashing. 

Lila just yells “Ready?” in the most mischievous voice she can

Then she starts screaming

And no one stopped to think “Hey, not only is Marinette really not known to assault people, but we didn’t hear a single thud that would have sounded like someone falling down the stairs preceding her screams.”

“She keeps calling me a liar, getting the others to gang up against me...” SINCE. WHEN?

Also. 

“Oh...I have proof”

How would she have known that the proof was in Marinette’s locker? And again, if she knew, why would she be surprised to find the pendant in Marinette’s locker??

UGH. 

---

Now we get to the part that started lil miss me to get so upset. 

“Are you ready, Nathalie?”

“More than ever.”

She just bounces out from behind him, ready as she’ll ever be. 

Look at her 

Then she goes on to call him the Almighty Scarlet Moth and I just smh 

Awww. She looks like she’s ready to punch those butterflies in the face. You punch those akumas. 

Varity Queen? Princess Justice? Oh yeah. I wanna see those. 

And now to the scene that hurt me

“What’s wrong?!”

“Nothing, everything's fine! Keep going..”

She was so ready to just fall down and choke while he continued his fight and she would have still loved him if he hadn’t stopped to help her

But this seen makes it so clear

he loves her too

Even if it’s just as a friend and assistant, he loves her. And it just...the voice acting, her voice actor was so good, it physically hurts me to watch that scene. 15/10.  

And Tikki yelling at Marinette...well not really yelling...but holy crap, there is a lot riding on this 14 year old girls shoulders when it comes to her own emotions. She’s still learning what some of them are, puberty is far from over with her, so now she just has the added pressure of not being able to feel the natural emotions that occur with hormone fluctuations and righteous anger from being falsely accused without having to be fearful of Hawkmoth’s akuma. 

But on the bright side, Alya FINALLY believes Marinette! She may have her flaws and push Mari a bit to much IMO when it comes to Adrien but hey, when it comes right down to it, she’ll stick it out with her pals. A true friend. 

---

Is that the same doctor we saw at Master Fu’s?

And despite her state, still the only thing she’s thinking about is him, his goals, what he wants- and he’s not even thinking about that right now. 

He looks so distraught too. He needs her. But she’s just so laser focused on one thing that she’s not thinking about the other possibilities. Mark my words, her persistence is what’s going to drive him to stop being Hawkmoth. 

“I don’t care, Gabriel. I want to help you.” I swear, I’m gonna start crying again. She’s telling him how she feels when she says stuff like that! It’s loud and clear. If he hasn’t seen it by now, when it’s more obvious than Marinette could ever hope to be- then literally nothing but her straight up saying the words “I’m in love with you” is gonna make it click. He has to know!

“Not at that cost! Never at that cost again...” then it cuts to his family portrait. 

Why, pray tell, does it cut to his family portrait? Of all things. Why did it cut to anything at all? They didn’t need to go to the trouble of creating a whole new picture to cut to if they didn’t NEED to. It’s saying something. And Im pretty sure that its that he’s not willing to give up Nathalie, not even for Emilie. 

I would also like to point out that in that picture, he is wearing blue- but now, he primarily wears red. What is a combination of blue and red? Purple. The color of Nathalie’s suit. 

Hmm...

Nathalie: Shh

Me: *handing Nooroo pots and pans*

She’s so desperate to help him- and look at how she treats Duusu. She isn’t being cruel. Duusu just told her “No, you should be resting” and she’s just like “Yeah, but what if I didn’t?” not “Don’t tell me what to do!” or any crap like that. Instead she stops and explains herself. And then Duusu...

No, not it’s not romantic. It’s twisted. I love Gabriel and Nathalie as a pair, but this isn’t a romantic gesture. Nathalie is losing herself in her desperation to help him, get the miraculous, end it once and for all, and her desires to please Gabriel even if it means that he’s not going to want her in the end. She is fighting a losing battle, no matter what happens, she’s going to get the short end of the stick- and it just breaks my heart that she is so willing to throw her life away when there are other ways she could be assisting him that don’t include her deteriortating. That’s why I cried so much during this ep- she wants to prove a point by using this miraculous when it isn’t necessary. And that is why I officially HATE seeing Mayura- because each time she transforms she’s one step closer to falling down and not getting back up. 

Also, I thought this scene was super interesting. That’s how she creates a sentimonster? That is so cool. 

Moving on, when Adrien pulls out his phone 

“I am Mayura, and I’m about to annihilate Ladybug, Mwahahaha!” Points for subtlety, Hon. XD

She’s so cute

“I’ve always gone out of my way to hide my true feelings for you but I just can’t do it anymore” possible foreshadowing? Hmmm?? “Your feelings for me haven’t changed and mine are growing stronger every day” I can’t help but think she was speaking from her own heart in some of that. 

And our poor little kitty

So desperate for love, he refuses to believe that

Ladybug wasn’t actually moving on

“She’s so perfect” “I’m nowhere near as perfect as her.”

Also “Senticharm!” *gets big gun blaster thing*

“Lucky Charm!” *gets fork*

Seriously Gabriel and Nathalie belong together at this rate. 

“Nathalie?!”

“Nooroo why didn’t you wake me up?” “I couldnt bring myself to you were sleeping so peacefully” because “Im scared of you and Nathalie told me to Shh” wasn’t the right response. 

She gets tired even when using the miraculous

And she still goes out in the field 

Heeeerrres Hawky!

Legit tho, this is what an anon was talking about earlier from the Gabenath ask meme I did a while back. I said that what I look forin a fanfic would include Hawkmoth needing to save Mayura on the battlefield. And it JUST became canon. Lord have mercy, I think I’ve died XD

Also 

“You’re the real monster!” 

“Oh, that...you’ll find out very soon” He doesn’t even care tho. Like, where’s all his givacraps fly off to? Oh yeah that’s right they’re akumatizing people, they just keep flying away.  

He is huge compared to them. And just going to town trying to whap this 14 year old girl into oblivion. Boy. 

“All I need to do is wait a few minutes until you two turn back into regular kids, so fragile, so easy to break” Absolutely no filter. Do you think that’s going to make you seem less like a villain? We don’t say stuff like that! You can’t just take that back! I swear, if you have a redemption arc it had better be Paarthurnax/Zuko-level convincing because there are very few people willing to forgive you after you say things like that with no remorse. 

“Release her”

You can’t tell me he doesn’t love her- he sucks at it, but he does. Im really hoping he’ll learn from this mistake and never ask her to use the peacock miraculous again- if she uses it, it has to be on her.

“Don’t mind me” Babe if he doesn’t mind you and you’re discovered then it’s just a hop skip and jump from Hawkmoth being Gabriel Agreste, 

He’s carrying her again

Idk if I should focus on how little Nathalie seems to care about how much danger she put herself in or the fact that we have a Gabriel booty close-up

He’s reprimanding her, she starts coughing, her glasses fall off, and he immediately softens up. 

Look at that soft look. And the music that’s playing in the background? It’s so...sad..and enhances the way he’s looking at her. 

And now.....Adrien

As soon as the adults leave, he growls and the music gets more aggressive. Intimidating. 

He is ticked. “Because we’re friends aren’t we?” that was just laced with venom and malice. They say demons run when a good man goes to war. 

Well Adrien’s started packing. Lila better watch her step. 

And in the end, she basically outed herself as a pathological liar. She admitted it, though she likely didn’t word it that way. 

Well, that’s all I have to say. Remember, God made you special and he loves you very much. *veggie tales theme starts playing*