#but i realised thats how i felt the most happy

[araminthe]

I think happiness is being neutral most of the time.

Like feeling a little and just appreciating the everyday mundane.

For me, this neutrality; or lack of negative emotions, is peaceful. It is and has always been the key to my happiness.

just remembered that happiness is only an emotion and not something i can ever achieve as a permanent state no matter how many milestones reached or goals achieved it is only ever going to be an emotion that comes and goes ! No matter WHAT!

[jorvikzelda]

today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

[arolesbianism]

Mizuki vc calling all besties, survive

[thelov3lybookworm]

Journals

Summary: everyone is happy

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: heavyyyy angst, sad lil fic (literally what i named this before i came up with a title), mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm, self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on this and this poetry by @gardenofrunar 🤭 you couldnt tell it was me could you pookie?

also, there is not really a bat boy our reader is supposed to be with, so im tagging this as all three of them. there will most probably not be a second part to this, but still, lemme know hat you all think

AND, im not trying to glorify what reader is going through in this fic. if you are going through something, please talk to someone. you are not alone, my loves ❣️

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

It was happening again.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

And the worst part wasn't the fact that she felt like she was dying.

It was that she was alone. Again.

No one was coming. No one cared. No one would even realise she was gone until it was too late, and maybe that was a miracle.

Click.

The haze cleared slightly, and gasping for breath, Y/n stood, somehow making it to the stairs leading to her bedroom before her lungs constricted again.

She had no other option as she crumbled on the stairs, the hard wood digging into her sides and thighs.

She could not breathe.

She could not think.

She could not move.

She could not breathe.

A cruel laugh broke through her consciousness, the sound so familiar yet so foreign, Y/n could not help but sob.

You deserve this.

Azriel. It was him, no doubt. But the longer she sat there, other voices started joining in.

First Cassian. Then Mor, Rhysand. Amren.

Feyre, Nesta. Elain.

"Stop." She whispered, her hands shaking as she rose them to her ears, pressing as hard as she could. But no matter how much she tried to ignore it, the clearer the words became.

You deserve this.

You don't deserve us.

It's your own fault.

In an attempt to get away, to get some peace and quiet, she reached out, clutching the stair. The wood grains whispered against her palm, their sound lost to ears filled with taunts and laughter.

Still, she dug in her fingers, her nails screaming in protest, her heart yelling back in a horrific screech, beating loud enough to almost drown out her family.

Almost.

Pulling herself up, she reached out her hand, ignoring the pain as she did her best to haul her dysfunctional body up the hard terrain, trying to make it to her bed before she lost herself fully to the dark depths of her mind, losing all sense of her being.

Somehow, having no recollection of the climb, Y/n collapsed at the landing, her breathing erratic as she stared at the blurry paintings on the wall, gifted to her by Rhysand's mate.

Had they always been this blurry?

In the back of her mind, she realised that they were never blurry. There were just tears in her eyes, but she didn't think too much about that as she crawled forward, miraculously crossing the threshold to her room, the familiar smell of flowers Elain had gifted her last week pulling her out of her misery for a moment, enough to let her get up and stumble into the plush material of her bed before tears again erupted in her eyes.

They then came back, screaming in her ears about how much of a disappointment she was, how she deserved no happiness.

And she agreed with them.

But still, it hurt her heart to hear the people she cared for voice thoughts she only limited to the darkness of night, under the gentle presence of the moonlight.

You don't deserve happiness.

She knew the inevitable onslaught of her self hatred was about to break over her head, knew it was unavoidable and would probably have her moping for days.

Her mind started wandering, which in itself was alarming because as much as she wanted to stop thinking about her miserable life, she knew that any and all thoughts she had at these times would only work against her.

Rhys's tear stained cheeks, his bloodshot eyes and his quiet sobs as he clutched Y/n's hands between both of his, Y/n's soft cooing as she tried her best to soothe his wounds after his mother and sister's death.

As she held him after his return from under the mountain.

This was going to be a long night, she was sure.

Cassian's grumpy self refusing to eat after one of the Illyrians had again bullied him for not being good enough. Y/n's cheeks aching from how hard she was trying not to smile as she tried to convince the overgrown illyrian to eat something.

Azriel's shaky hands as she held onto him after a particularly bad nightmare that usually started keeping him up around the time his hands were burned, the anniversary o the time where an innocent little boy realised that the world was filled with cruelty.

Y/n being the first one to find out about Mor's liking in women and helping her sneak out to meet her lovers.

Y/n dragging gallons of fresh blood to Amren's apartment under the cover of the night when she knew the ancient being hadn't had the time to feast.

Her hands scrambled to find something to tether herself to, to remind her that this was not real and that it would pass. That her family did love her, and that they would never hurt her or want her to think this way of herself.

They would never hurt her the way she hurt herself.

They just wouldn't... would they?

Rhys's wide smile as he admired his mate while she spoke to a grinning Cassian, who in turn turned to Azriel to tease the blushing Illyrian. Mor, giggling over her glass of wine as she mumbled something to Elain, Nesta and Amren conversing in hushed tones next to the window, happiness shining on both their faces.

And Y/n watched on, huddled in her own little corner as she gulped down another glass of champagne, trying to focus on the burn in her throat as the liquor travelled down. Trying not to think of the way her breathing started coming in shorter pants, her lungs constricting in the too small rib cage that were set on killing her.

Trying to ignore the tang of copper in her mouth as she bit her own tongue, not wanting to speak and draw attention to herself, to ask for help because she was too unused to suffering in silence. Her family had always been there, and she had never had to go even a day without their constant nagging. She always had at least one of them guiding her through the worst of her days.

Trying not to think of how no one even glanced up as she exited the room, tears prickling her eyes, feeling like she was nothing but an intruder, watching from outside the warmth of the house, standing knee deep in the cold snow as she tried her best to keep warm by looking at the happy faces of her family, no matter how much she was freezing on the inside.

Her fingers curled around the lumpy material of her comforter, and she pushed forward, trying to ignore the tears that rolled down her warm cheeks and buried her head in the soft fabric.

And then let out the ear piercing scream she had been holding in, uncaring that she had let down the sound shield around her room.

She knew no one was around to hear.

She knew no one would come.

They were all too happy to worry.

Her stomach was grumbling, and she was glad it was because otherwise it would've been the cause for concern, considering she hadn't eaten in almost a day.

She was still so tired and wanted to do nothing but lay in bed all day and cry, but she needed to eat too.

And so here she was, chopping up some vegetables in a daze, not really paying attention despite wanting to focus on something that took her mind off of her thoughts.

It was not easy to stop thinking, so when suddenly the fog in her mind cleared, she glanced down.

The red of her blood was bright, and the longer she stared, the quicker the pain came, but it was only a tiny sting, nothing more than the bite of an ant in the shape of a knife.

She stared, and stared.

And then, she lifted her eyes, her gaze settling on her dagger, unprompted.

She smiled.

Writing was one of the parts of Y/n's responsibilities. Writing a letter to help the relations between the courts. A report for the high lord.

It was one of the things that broke her out of her own mind's torture, one of the things that made her feel like she wasn't entirely useless.

So here she was, just scribbling away senseless words in her journal, knowing she would hide it away before anyone saw it. Saw the blood stains.

For the first time in weeks, she was smiling, no tears to be found in her eyes as she lay on her stomach on the bed, her legs in the air behind her as she began doodling little flowers in the corner of the page, her inkpot next to her and her dagger in her other hand.

She went to dip in her feather pen in the ink, frowning a little as it created spots of ink on the crumpled paper, mixing with the dark red liquid that still dripped slowly from her fingers, little rivulets running down from her wrist.

As she continued, a tap on her mental walls had her pausing, and after a brief conversation with Rhys, she got up, closing her journal and beginning to clean the cuts on her wrist and around the journal and then donning a flowy, simple white gown.

It wasn't long before a knock sounded at her door, and she hurried to open it to find Cassian standing on her front porch, smiling.

"Hey Y/n, Rhys asked me to pick you up-"

Y/n nodded. "Yes I know, let me just grab my things and then we can go."

He shrugged, leaning against the doorframe.

She ran up the stairs and to her bedroom, grabbing the little bag she had put all her pens and previous reports into, deciding to carry them with her just in case.

She hurried back out within a few moments, but she saw that Cassian had moved, standing near the gates. Which was suspicious, but not too alarming as she stepped onto the porch.

"Let's go."

Before she shut the door Y/n turned and glanced around the house for the last time. Why, she didn't know. But she couldn't shake the feeling in her gut that something was wrong.

And she had known to always trust her gut.

But she turned around, locking the door before leaving.

Not realising her journal was missing from the table.

"I really don't want to pressure you too much Y/n, so if you don't want to be a part of this research, I understand-"

"Rhys, this is no burden. I'm actually honoured you even considered me for this project."

His brows furrowed, his smile turning confused. "What are you talking about Y/n? You're one of the smartest people I know. Of course you are included-" he trailed off, his eyes filling with understanding. "How have you been Y/n?"

Y/n blinked, pretending not to understand what he meant by that. Of course Rhys knew she struggled with feeling worthy of her family, and of course he made that connection.

"I've been good, Rhys." Y/n mumbled, an easy grin on her face as if Rhys's concern was ridiculous.

"Have you had any recent episodes-"

"Guess what I found!"

He paused, both their heads turning to where Cassian's booming voice floated through the cracked door.

Y/n's whole body ran cold, and before she could even question the reaction of her body to something that wouldn't have concerned her before, she was stumbling out the door, following Cassian's voice to the sitting room, where everyone else was gathered.

Cassian was grinning as he explained to them how he had gone to pick Y/n's up from her house, and how he found-

Her secret diary.

Y/n's eyes widened, her legs refusing to move as her gaze locked on the book Cassian held in his hand.

"Oh, look, she's here too!" He turned to her, his expression carefree and inviting. "Never knew you had a diary Y/n. What will I find if I read through it? Your secret lover's name? His-"

"Cass." Y/n warned, finally getting herself to move forward as he danced back, his hands beginning to crack open the book.

"Will I find your secret fantasies-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, all the emotions gone from his face as he stared at the page he had opened, his features hard. Y/n waited with bated breath, her head turning to gauge everyone's reaction.

Mor sat with Nyx in her lap, bouncing him as she glanced between Y/n and Cassian. Feyre and Azriel exchanged confused glances before Azriel stood, stalking towards Cass.

Panicked, Y/n jumped forward, but before her hand could wrap around her journal, he pulled away, face pale.

"What is this?"

"None of your business."

Azriel had stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at Y/n.

That's when Y/n realised he had smelled the blood she left on the pages.

Damn it.

Y/n stepped back towards the exit as she felt all the eyes on her, panic starting to dig its claws in her gut and begin its ascent up her throat as the shadows curled around Azriel's ear and his eyes went to her wrist, covered by the long sleeves of her dress.

Y/n turned to find Rhys standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with tears.

"Why?"

She glanced once at everyone, tears starting to fill her own eyes, her face flushing in embarrassment, mad that she had started crying over nothing, and pushed past Rhys, running towards the front door.

"Y/n!"

They will be mad.

You deserve it.

Y/n fled the river house, ignoring the concerned looks thrown her way by the people on the streets as she ran straight to her house.

They hate you.

The door slammed shut behind her as she leaned against it, gasping for breath as her lungs started contracting painfully, refusing to let her breathe.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

It was happening again.

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175 @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady @lilah-asteria

@girlswithimagination @gardenofrunar @girlswithimagination @sunnyspycat

@artists-ally @riddlesb1tch @milswrites @berryzxx

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

@stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh

@st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium

@fandomarchiveilyd @nickishadow139

Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts @samslittlespoon @nickishadow139

[l0vema]

Full House Fuck- part II

A/n: not proofread

Wrapping your red coffin nailed hands around the girth scoups had kept hidden with a dilecious bulge, you stuck your tongue out to lick the red tip. Vernon's grip on your hair guided you slowly up and down the length of his leader. Looking at scoups through your eyelashases you notice his trembling breath. Now is your time.

You hollow your cheeks and flatten your tongue to suck in as much as you can. When his tip is abusing the back of your throat you know he is done for. Back and forth, back and forth. You keep going knowing his end is near. When his leg muscles tense up, you straighten preparing to swallow his whole load. The sensation of swallowing has him nearly buckle. When you pop your mouth off him you see the light flush he frames on his cheeks.

"I- you-," he mutters out, a dazed look in his glossy eyes. You're grateful for all the practice you've gotten with vernon, proud of your capabilities.

Jeonghan who had taken a seat was watching you closely before motioning you to come over to him. You pull your boyfriends hand to lead him right next to jeonghan and take the liberty to straddle him. Your wet core coming to meet his clothed hard on. Jeonghan exuded a calm dominant energy you couldn't help but feel a flutter of nerves in his presence. He caressed your bare thigh while his other hand lightly pinched your nipple. You arch your back towards him with a soft moan. Your body was on fire and drowning at the same time. So much testosterone surrounding had you near down to your most primal instincts. You wanted them to all rut into you till stars fucking aligned.

He let go of your now bruised nipple to lean you forward and kiss you hard. It felt dirty with how you rubbed your swollen clit on the smooth fabric of his trousers, your boyfriend quietly watching with his own arousal building up. What the fuck was happening right now?

"You treated coups so well...who knew vernon had you treating him so well all this time?" He calmly spoke into your neck, fingers brushing over your thick thighs- goosebumps following every touch.

You run your hand through his soft blonde locks ( A/n: blonde jeonghan has me reeling EVERYDAY😖🤟). "Fuck me as good as him and I might give you the same treatment..." you tease. Vernon's eyes widened slightly, a light blush creeping on from his ears. You giggle at his reaction. "Thats the plan," jeonghan brings your attention back on him, "but first....joshua come here." He flips you onto the your back. Using his leg he separates your legs and kneels between them.

Massaging your thighs in a way that gives you butterflies he asks your boyfriend, "what does she like? Clit stimulation? Fingering? Wouldn't want her not enjoying this as much as we are," to which vernon breathes in shakily, "ummm a little pressure on her clit that builds up, she gets wet enough to finger but likes it slow. Also she's really into moaning into, yk the vibrations and stuff, makes her pull on my hair and shake," you are gagged at hiw your boyfriends manages to read you don't to a T. You never realised he was very aware of all your likes, aware of your pleasure.

Joshua lightly chuckles with that deep voice making you clench involuntarily, "didn't realise vernon was such a munch." You smile and place your hand on your boyfriends thigh. "He makes me happy," you have say while having flashbacks to all the times he got on his knees, just to satiate his own desires.

Jeonghan lightly rubs on your clit making you buck into his touch. He goes down to pick up some of your wetness to continue his ministrations, perfectly following Vernon's suggestions. You throw your head back and feel for your boyfriends hardening cock. Using your previous lubrication you rub him the way you know he likes it, hard and slow. He moans out, running a hand through his hair, eyes shut, hotness at a high. Looking away from him you focus on the two other men watching you. "Joshua come here please," you manage out as the stimulation increases and your breath gets progressively faster. Reaching out for his belt buckle you undo it with the intention of filling your mouth up, drowning yourself in the experience. In the men. The pleasure. Euphoria.

Freeing his extremely hard cock you take a moment to mentally prepare for the length you know will have you getting wetter for jeonghan to finger you so good. You make eye contact with him, letting your every desire for him be seen. He was a beautiful man, staring back at you with dark eyes. There was a passage of consent that had you immediately licking his tip, not breaking eye contact. Ensuring you didn't forget the pleasuring of your boyfriend. His grunts and twitching a reminder. Spitting on your hand you use it to rub on the part of joshua you still hadn't gotten to. Slowly, you do your best to get him reeling. You slide your tongue over his length, sucking as hard as you can. Soon your drooling over your chin. Clenching over the thought of him settling deep inside you. You feel your boyfriend grip on to your upper arm, his about to cum. He raises his hand to your nipple, squeezing and rolling, to keep himself from busting faster than he'd wanted. This gets you a moan from jeonghan who had began eating you out with fervor. It's so much. You grab a hold of Joshua's hand and place it onto your head. A sign for him to fuck your mouth. You want him hitting the back of your throat, choking you. You want him cumming down your throat with your boyfriend. The thought of both their satisfaction getting you closer to your end.

You feel jeonghan suddenly move away from you immediately earning him a whine that has joshua stuttering his hips into your mouth. He is almost instantly replaced by scoups. His tongue is rough with your swollen bud. He sucks on it like a man starved. You look down slightly from joshua and see jeonghan gripping him by his hair, instructing him in a way. For some reason this has you moaning into joshua. The man suffering from your mouth. "____ I can't- i- ughmmm," were his only words. Vernon to your other side his breathing heavy, trying to calm himself. His treatment of your nipple was getting rougher, he knew what nipple play did to you. Suddenly, you felt scoups putting a finger deep inside you. You arch your back at this. Quickly he adds another, stretching you so well with his thick fingers. He curls them slightly hitting that soft spot deep inside you. Jeonghan still guiding his head you feel as though your about to burst.

Joshua holds onto your hair and bucks into your mouth one last time before unloading. You get to work not letting anything go to waste and getting him down from his high. He drops from kneeling on the couch to sitting, a sheen of sweat adding a hit glow to him. You turn to your boyfriend who is shockingly in tears as he whispers "please, please, please, please baby," while your arm burns at the cisntatn movement you've been blessing him with. The now free hand comes up to his chest and lightly squeezes Vernon's nipples- a still new thing you'd found he also enjoyed, much like you. His head falls back and he at once let's go and cums into your hand. You bend to the best of your ability to lick up as much as you can manage in the position.

Wiping the tears that had stained his face you pull him into a hot kiss. You feel a light tremble in him, matched by you as scoups' wraps an arm around your hips pulling you closer to him. Jeonghan also places a hand on your thigh, rubbing up and down as he watches scoups devour you. This power jeonghan has over scouos has you arching your back and moaning into your boyfriends side. You reach a hand to hold onto jeonghans (in scoups' hair) and start begging at whatever force of nature to help you cause you feel dead and alive at the same time. "Told you," vernon grunts out, still recovering from the handjob. Jeonghan, in response, leans down and begins kissing your leg, biting to mark, licking to feed into his own desire of licking you up and down to orgasm.

It's closer than you think. Your end. Closer when scoups lightly bites your clit and and moans into you. You feel a rush of liquid and the coil that had been building break. You breathe in harshly, and arch. "Omgomgomg," you repeat. Your legs shake as scoups does not stop. He keeps fingering you, faster now that you've reached the highest of highs. You begin begging, like your boyfriend. You "pleasepleaseplease," blended with your cries and shaky breaths.

Once you finally settled down from your high, the quiver nearly negligible, you look down to see scoups with wide glossy eyes staring at your pussy. Looking up to jeonghan you notice a dark pride in his eyes. Turning you vernon he is quiet, an air of shock over him. "What?" You asked before looking to joshua, who is also staring like scoups. You begin to feel self conscious wondering if you did something wrong when vernon chimes, " I've only made her do that once, and it took 3 hours..."

You're confused, "do what? Please...tell me," you quieten as you question again.

"You squirted. A lot. It was hot." Scoups finally speaks up, clearing your confusion.

"Oh."

You don't really know what to say

"I'm sorry?" You direct to your boyfriend.

"Idk everything just felt a lot more with so many people around me," you give as an excuse

Vernon laughs at this. "It's fine babe, it was sexy to see you lose yourself completely."

After a few moments of silence to gather each of yourselves you sit up and motion to jeonghan. "You didnt get to come yet." You state already stand up to his height to kiss him. "Saving yourself to be the first to fuck me or?" You tease him. He chuckles before sitting where you previously sat and pulling you down to him. You straddle him once more, this time intent on getting at least one cock inside you before you start cumming again. You kiss him messily, pulling and clothes before having enough and getting up to get the trousers stopping you from sinking onto him.

"Okay fiesty," joshua mentions jokingly. You don't mind knowing your being a tad but aggressive but you need something to fill you up completely, not just two fingers. Jeonghan holds you up and aligns himself with you, also taking no time to let you go down. You moan at the stretch and depth of it all. "Your so-" jeonghan begins before leaning his head on your shoulder. You hold onto vernon (on theright) and joshua (on the left) to keep balance before moving. You go quick, the throbbing of your pussy enough clue to how horny you were. You feel scoups stand right behind you. His fingers find home around your neck. The pressure he puts on you has you dizzy, eyes falling half lidded as you feel stuck in a dream, an impossible reality. Jeonghan pushes his hips up to meet you halfway earning a moan and ragged breathing. Joshua reaches out to massage your breasts (noting from your reaction to vernon doing the same) he squeezes with force making you arch to give him more access. Let him ruin you. Vernon gets up and walks to the direction of his room. You have half a mind to even begin to wonder what he is doing. You know your boyfriend (and have eyes) to see how horny he was. Know that if he didn't want this it wouldn't even be a thought for any one of you in the first place. You throw your head back into scoups muscly abdomen m, looking up into his eyes you clench around jeonghan. He squeezes your throat harder. You moan and open your mouth. Understanding what you're asking for he spits into your mouth. "Holy shit," you hear joshua whisper, out of breath from the hotness of everything happening. "Fucking right," vernon, who came back echoes. In his hand he has your bullet vibrator. A Christmas gift from him to you, for the lonely nights. The familiar buzz coming to life has you frothing at the mouth. "Yes yes yeses, " you say, like a mantra. Placing the woman's gift from the gods on your swollen clit you are clamping down onto jeonghan. Your movements begin stuttering at the sensation. The pressure around the throat, cutting off your breath, the dick going in and out from deep within you, the tongue lapping at your nipple, biting and pulling, the vibrator and eye contact with your boyfriend. You can't take it anymore.

"Fuck she just got so tight," jeonghan tells the rest. You feel scoups bring his thumb into your mouth. Urging you to suck which you unashamedly do.

You do your best to keep bouncing on jeonghan but when vernon amps up the intensity of the vibe you literally blackout for a second. Reaching a hand to the strong man behind you and the man you've been bouncing on mercilessly you bottom out. Pussy fluttering over his cock, your muscles spasm and your eyes tear up from the sheer amount of pleasure you feel. Vernon doesn't lighten the intensity having you writhing ontop of jeonghan. Scoups holds you by your hips to manage to keep you bouncing. The feel of his big arms around you, joshua placing more kisses down on your thighs you feel surrounded, in the best possible way. Opening your blurry eyes to focus on jeonghan you notice he is close, biting his lip as he bucks into you. Scoups keeps you at a constant pace. "Baby...can- i- cum? Inside?," is all you manage to get out between your cries and pleas. "Your on birth control, I trust that your clean hyung," is said with all his attention on you and your coming throd orgasm.

"I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't," is all heinghan responds with before going absolutely feral, gripping your hips and fucking into you like his life depended on it. Your legs were trembling, you could feel the coil turning, the lightheaded feeling overcoming you. The four men taking your breath away. And giving you life at the same time. You gasp. Jeonghan bottoms out. You fall forward. Feel yourself getting filled. The coil snapped. The muscles die and reincarnate. Tike stops, slow and speeds up all at once.

Shaking a top jeonghan you babble on about the universe being in your side and thanking the men and cursing like a sailor.

Feeling jeonghan riding out his own high you savour this. The euphoria, the ecstasy, the reason for life.

After you all calm down and get cleaned up (courtesy of joshua getting you a damp towel and scoups eventually carrying you to the shower). You are in Vernon's arms, mind still hazy with pleasure. The decision to watch a show together was due to all of your unwillingness to really leave...

"Thats was...fun," scoups hesitates slightly before laughing at the absurdity of it all. You just fucked 3 of your boyfriends band mates. You all had fun. And now are sitting watching Rick and Morty not speaking of it.

"Yeah, it was a lot, in a good way, I mean I had fun, yeah, " you awkwardly explain. Nit because of being uncomfortable but because it was so bizarre. "You swallowed the man's spit for crying out loud, don't get shy now," vernon chirps up, making you widen your eyes and gape your mouth.

"Niw we both know there is NO need to focus on that, okay it happened, and btw you said you LIKED it," you argue back. Vernon laughs while wrapping his arms tighter around you. Joshua joins in giggling at the while thing. "I on the low felt like it was all a dream, I still feel a little like that," he adds to the pool of attraction, awkwardness and disbelief.

"Who knew we'd get the full house to fuck?" Vernon said, still laughing.

A/n: sorry I'm late, been busy starting exams. Hope you enjoy

L0ve, M.A

[poppadom0912]

the reader and jay dated, they ended up breaking up because jay joined the army, he left leaving her a note. the reader moves on but she finds out she's pregnant she decides to keep the baby. ages later she gets a job at intelli, they are at a crime screen, the reader spots her daughter. the team are a little skeptical when they see the reader giving her money. hank brings her in for questioning, the reader tells voight that thats her daughter, jay realises that the girl is his.

Warnings: Mentions of break ups and swearing, angst with a happy ending?

A/N: Hello! I hope this lives up to your standards. I don’t know how happy I am with this but it’s whatever. I felt like adding a backstory would’ve taken away from the main story so i apologise in advance for the differences between what you asked and what i wrote. Hope you enjoy!!

*****

"Alright baby, have lots of fun. Love you lots."

"Love you too. See you later."

And with that, you were alone, watching your daughter run away with her friends.

Recently, whenever you were with her, the guilt was chipping away at your conscious. All because of your job.

You had known Antonio for years, being partners before Intelligence was formed. So when it was established, you joining him was a no brainer.

It was your fault you hadn't ever spoken or told anyone about Eliza's dad. The only one to ever know that you even had a child was Antonio, but all he knew was that a child existed, not their age or gender, and that their father left before you could tell him about your pregnancy.

But then Jay had joined intelligence and the tension between you two was so palpable it could easily take a physical form.

So, you confided in your long-lasting partner who, with this newfound knowledge, wasn't so forthcoming to the man.

Not only did you feel guilt for not telling Jay that he had a daughter, but you also felt guilty for not telling Eliza, who knew she had a father out there in the world somewhere but had never met him.

However, you had shown her countless pictures of him - you weren't that evil - so she was aware that she was her dads carbon copy and when she was a newborn, you struggled to look at her and if she were to ever see him in the streets, she would easily recognise him.

And that's what worried you the most: the two of them accidentally meeting without you present.

*****

The murderer on your current case had struck again and everyone was at the crime scene doing their respective jobs.

As you were finishing talking to an eyewitness, you caught sight of a familiar group of girls at the back of the crowd of bystanders, a certain brunette standing out to you.

"Sorry Tonio, give me two minutes."

Without waiting for a reply, you patted him on the arm and walked away, aware of his eyes and a few others following your movements.

Were you acting without thinking? Yes

Did anyone know who your daughter was? No!

Was this going to be a mistake? Oh, definitely but having your baby at a crime scene took precedent in this situation.

“Elizabeth Y/L/N, what are you doing here?” You asked, bending under the yellow tape and pushing her and her friends away so they could talk without anyone eavesdropping.

“The cinema’s around the corner.” Your daughter pointed somewhere behind you. She was the only one talking and from the looks of all her friends faces, she’d be the only one to do so.

“Alright well, this street is inaccessible for the rest of the day.’ You said, your tone strict and firm. “Here, take this and get yourself some food from that place you all like.”

The smile that brightened up her face, you could never stay indifferent to that for long.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” You warned them, a soft smile remaining on your lips as you waved them off. All her friends saying their thank-you’s and goodbyes in sync.

You walked back to Antonio with your chest feeling lighter.

Unfortunately for you, you failed to notice the look shared between Voight and Al.

*****

You’d been over the moon when you saw the two lines. You and Jay had been dating since High School and despite never seriously talking about having kids, you both knew that marriage and starting a family together was going to be in your future.

Trying to contain your excitement, you went about your day as usual, going to work, talking with colleagues and friends, doing the groceries before going home.

Surprisingly, the apartment was quiet and empty when you stepped through the door. Every Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday, Jay always finished work before you. It was an unspoken rule that whoever got home first was in charge of dinner.

But today, everything was dark and in the same conditions you left it in this morning.

Turning all the room lights on as you walked through the apartment in search of your long-term boyfriend, you stumbled upon an envelope addressed to you in very familiar handwriting.

Feeling your heart thundering in your throat, you carelessly set the grocery bags aside and picked up the envelope with shaky fingers.

‘Y/N, I wish it didn’t…’

With those words, your entire world and everything you knew came crumbling down.

*****

Back in the bullpen, everyone stood back as Antonio presented the new information gathered from the previous crime scene. As Antonio finished, Adam came in, adding what he knew from a very knowledgeable witness.

As you were trying to pay close attention, you felt someone watching you. Such an uncomfortable feeling causing you to turn around and make eye contact with your boss who jutted his head towards his office.

Confused, you followed his silent instructions with no questions, aware of the multiple eyes belonging to your coworkers that were following your movements.

Closing the door behind you, you remained standing as Voight leaned against the edge of his desk, crossing his arms.

“Anything you wanna tell me?” The suspicion was sky clear in his tone.

Your brows furrowed in further confusion, your mind struggling to follow what he was insinuating and where this was going.

“No? I’m sorry but I don’t think I understand.” You licked your lips in uncertainty. “What happened? Did I do something wrong?”

He just continued to stare at you blankly. Now you were starting to get nervous.

“If you tell me now, I can cover for you. We can work something out, but you have to tell me.”

You wanted to scream out all your frustrations. What the hell was he on about?

When you remained silent, he finally gave in.

“Who were you giving money to?”

A laugh slipped out from the revelation which you immediately tried covering up with a cough so you weren’t given a reprimand.

“She’s my daughter.” You revealed, a small smile on your face as you spilt one of your biggest secrets to him. “No one knows besides Antonio but all he knows is that I have a child, not their age, gender. Nothing.”

Instantly, he knew your reasons without you justifying yourself.

“You’re keeping her under wraps?”

You nodded, “from everyone.”

*****

Jay wasn't dumb.

Ever since he joined intelligence, things between the two of you had been awkward from the get-go. Your shared past was known to all your colleagues and it was never brought up.

But it seems that Antonio would never get over it as still to this day, a grudge was sometimes still held against him which given the circumstances, Jay understood.

Several years working together, you two were fine. You'd talk only when needed and hang out only in group settings. Other than that, you were never seen together.

Somewhere deep down, Jay wished that you would allow him to explain himself and finally apologise but your grudge was ten times stronger than Antonio's.

At the crime scene earlier today, everyone had seen you walk away and very suspiciously talk to a group of girls who you then handed money to.

The silent knowing looks they all shared held the same message. They all loved and adored you but they couldn't be ignorant to what they just saw.

Voight pulling you away to talk privately in his office only confirmed their suspicions.

When you re-joined them again a little later, the air was thick in anticipation, everyone wondering what happened between you and Voight.

You picked up on it straight away.

Now you hesitated. Telling Hank about your daughter was one thing. He was your boss and that man could take even the biggest secret to his grave.

It wasn't that you didn't trust them because you did, you would and do trust them with your life. But as soon as you revealed her age, everyone would connect the dots and that would lead to you being forced to actually talk to Jay.

"Umm." You licked you lips, wondering how to say it exactly. "Well, that girl I gave money to, she's not some criminal rando... She's my daughter."

Silence.

More silence.

"No fucking way."

"What?!"

"You have a freaking child?"

All their voices overlapped as they expressed their shock, Antonio clearly less so than the rest of them but still surprised nonetheless at knowing more.

You couldn't bear to look in Jay's direction.

"You have a fully grown child. Oh my gosh, you have to tell us everything." Kim asked nicely, her eyes wide from shock but also happiness. "Y/N, you’re a mother!"

You laughed, her giddiness contagious.

"Her name's Elizabeth." You started, smile soft and a sparkle about your eyes as you spoke about your favourite person and subject in the world. "It's always just been the two of us, so it's never been easy but we manage."

The rest of that hour was spent not working but everyone listening intently as you finally spoke about your daughter.

Jay finding you alone in the locker room at the end of the day wasn't a surprise. You'd been waiting for him to say something for a while now.

"Elizabeth?" He paused, watching you sat on the bench as you got your things together. "You named her after my mum."

The emotion was strong, weighing heavy down on his tongue, making it hard to talk. You still couldn't look at him, keeping your eyes trained in front of you inside your locker.

"Of course I did. That's what we planned, no?" You reminded him of the time you both came up with baby names. "I love your mum more than my own."

"And she's..."

"She's turning twelve."

"Fuck."

You couldn't stand the thick tension.

"She knows about you." You fiddled with the string bracelet around your wrist. "She's grown up knowing everything about you. I've sown her pictures of you and us and-"

You exhaled shakily, the emotions starting to get to you. "I've tried my best with her, to keep her opinion neutral but gosh Jay. You've caused me so much pain that at times it's so hard to see her adore this idea of you when she knows nothing of what you did to me."

Jay didn't try to stop your rant. "And I've been so scared that one day she'd see you in the streets and you'd reject her but-"

"I don't know how I feel about you back in our lives- back in my life." You finally looked at him, your eyes glistening from unshed tears. "I can't go through the pain again."

"Y/N, I'm-"

"No." You stopped him, your eyes burning into his. "I've already accepted your apology but this is going to take time. I'll introduce you to her and if you want, you can get involved in her life but leave me alone."

You were breathing heavily when you finished your rant.

"I can do that." Jay complied without a moment to waste. "Anything you want, anything she wants, I'll do it."

You exhaled shakily.

Wiping your eyes, you closed your locker door and zipped up your bag. Checking yourself in the mirror, you reapplied lip balm and patted your under eyes dry.

"I'll text you my address"

Jay stumbled on his words, confused at what you meant. "What? I-"

"She's home now. Did you want to meet her?"

"Yes. Yes please."

[4ln-stay8]

Home <3

>summary: Bang Chan is on tour and you miss him a little too much

>author’s note: its been a while since the last fic… I also decided to write fics for other fandoms… It’s technically my first one of this kind so bare with me… its most likely bad, I can’t say Im a writer let alone a good one, but I’m bored and I have ideas sometimes

>warning: fluff, fluff, lots of fluff, Bang Chan, mention of Changbin

>pairing: bang chan x reader

It’s public knowledge that Chan was simply a walking green flag, a flag so green that the red dots that stained the material were simply unnoticeable. He was simply perfect, with all his flaws and all his qualities and you considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call him yours.

You stared out of your apartment window, the city lights twinkling below. The loneliness in the room echoed the ache in your chest as you scrolled through old photos of you and your boyfriend, Chan. You couldn’t shake off the longing that grew bigger with each passing day he was on tour.

You traced your finger along the outline of his face in a picture, as if trying to bridge the distance between you.

Nothing felt worse than being away from the one you loved the most. The pain that you felt in your chest every time something reminded you of him, which happened constantly, getting stronger and stronger every time.

As much as you were thrilled about Chan being on tour, knowing how happy he is being in his element surrounded by his beloved stays and members, you couldn’t help but hate it with the same passion you loved it with.

You hate not being with him, not being able to hug and kiss and see and touch him, you hated it all. You hated going to sleep in the cold empty bed, waking up all alone and cold, getting home in the evening to an empty apartment. Everything was lonely, but as much as you missed him, you still wouldn’t change a thing.

Even though there were times when you were away from each other, not being able to see each other for weeks, the moments when you were together were all worth it.

You found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed one lonely evening, a mix of determination and excitement in your eyes. The realization that you missed Chan a little too much hitting you like a wave.

In that moment you realised that late night facetime calls and a few text messages a day weren’t enough for you to hold onto anymore. Thats why you just landed in the country he was supposed to perform in a few days.

As you get in the taxi you feel your phone buzzing in the back pocket of your jeans. You reach for it while you tell the driver your hotel address and check your phone screen to see a message from your beloved pop up.

When you raised your eyes from your phone you realise that you are in front of the hotel. You pay the driver and take your bags out. You take your phone to text Changbin, who helped you pull the entire thing off.

You picked up your bags and went to the hotel lobby where you waited for Changbin. Soon after you got there you see Binnie walking out of the elevator.

-Hi Bin! you said excited to see your friend and one of the reasons you were actually here

-Hi Y/nnie! It’s really nice seeing you! said Binnie pulling you in a hug

-Its great to see you too Bin, I missed you guys! Now can you please give me the key? I’m dying to see him! you said blushing, your smile as big as possible

-Sure you simp! Go pull him out of his misery! He misses you like crazy! said Changbin in a teasing voice giving you the spare key he stole from Chan

-Thank you Binnie! It means the world to me! you said and pulled him in another hug

Changbin led you to Chan’s door. He put your bags down and right when you were about to knock you feel your phone buzzing again.

You hear footsteps approaching the door and you wait there nervous and excited to see him again. You see the door slowly opening and you are met with a very surprised Chan right in front of you.

-Hello my love! you said smiling, your eyes staring to get glossy at the sight of your lovely boyfriend who you have missed deeply

- H…hi! Baby… What are you doing here? he said confused yet excited to see you after so long, getting your bags and pulling you inside his room where he launched himself at you, hugging you like there’s no tomorrow

- I wanted to see you! I missed you so much! you said, your face buried in his chest as you pulled him closer to you

-I missed you too babygirl! But I thought you were going home? I didn’t expected to see you here! he whispered not really sure if this is real or it’s just a daydream

-I was going home. I am home Channie! you said smiling at him…. You are my home! you whisper loud enough for him to hear as you pulled him in a kiss full of love and desire

-You are my home too babygirl! he whispered back as you both pulled apart

You never thought that you could love someone this much, but here you were. You always thought that love was a hard thing, that it was something that it wasn’t meant for you. You convinced yourself that love won’t be a part of your existence but then, Chan came into your life and proved you wrong. Loving him was as easy as breathing. Loving him was like the fresh smell after the rain. Loving him was like a glass of cold water on a hot summer day. Loving him was like sitting in the comfort of your home in a cold day, but yet he was your home. He really was your home.

[pyro-les]

Love in the darkest hour - Rio Vidal X Reader

Second part of the Bad Omen series (Can be read as stand alone but I would reccomend reading Bad Omen first for context)

1.8K words - Warnings: panic/anxiety attacks.

Taglist: @thecavalrywife @hannah-0730 @believe-in-magic13 @jenniferjareauwife @wandasreallover @thesharkwhalewhoohooooo @acutenobody

A/N: Not proofread, sorry guys it's too long and I'm too tired, if there is typos though do let me know. I think this may be my longest fic apart from bad omen itself so thats cool, also if anyone would like to be added to the taglist please let me know!

Y/N finally felt accepted, for the first time in centuries she wasn't afraid or guilt ridden instead filled only with love and hope. That's what Rio had done for her, her simple act of acceptance had meant so much to her. She had never really dreamt much of love, of course she had always thought it would be nice but she hadn't realised how much she would crave to hold the one she loved the most until she had met Rio.

The woman had completely changed the way she acted, she no longer felt ashamed of her powers, instead she used them as a warning for Rio, telling her when someone's time was near so she knew beforehand to be ready for the cosmic pull to the wandering souls. It had been good to know she was helping her lover, her powers finally being appreciated and used foe good. A part of her felt a bit sad anytime she had to leave for her role as lady death, Y/N knew better than anyone how important death was in the human life and cycle of nature yet whenever her lover had to leave even if only for a few hours she felt a small amount of annoyance.

Time worked differently for Rio while she collected souls, the plain between this realm and the next had a different time scale entirely making it alot longer for her than it was back on earth but there were many souls to collect and she couldn't leave them for too long without guiding them to the other side. Yet to Y/N the small time she was away felt like eons. She had lived for centuries and yet that felt like nothing compared to the time spent without Rio. She had never really dreamt of love but now she can't imagine a world without it.

However even with all of the love Rio gave her Y/N still felt guilty sometimes. The centuries of being blamed and hated because of her powers had engraved a deep self hatred on her soul. No matter how many times Rio reassured her or told her not to hate her powers there was still a part of Y/N that refused to yield, a part of her that would never let go of that guilt. It wasn't often this part of her showed itself anymore but the times it did it wasn't pretty, usually Y/N had Rio to help her calm down, she held Y/N close while she told her over and over again how it wasn't her fault and that even if everyone else turned their back on Y/N Rio never would.

Today however was not one of those times. Instead of being held in Rio's arms as she reassured the trembling witch that she was blameless she was sitting on the floor of their small home her arms wrapped painfully tight around her knees that had been drawn up into her chest as she leaned back against the sofa as she tried and failed to calm her breathing. Panic attacks were no new thing to Y/N but they never seemed to get easier for her especially when the only thing that could help her was no where in sight.

Y/N by no means blamed Rio for not being there, she knew better than anyone the importance of her job, you can't exactly tell death herself to stop reaping souls just because one person was having an emotional breakdown. That being said she certainly was not happy that her stupid mind decided to take this very moment to start doubting herself, her thoughts continously spiralling into a crescendo of self hatred and guilt. She didn't even know what had started this stupid crash of emotions, she had been fine earlier in the day simply watching TV and enjoying some nice time alone, she had even baked some cookies excited for Rio to come home later to try them. But what had just been a small whisper in the back of her mind, an echo of doubt had built up into a loud scream, telling Y/N she wasn't good enough, that she should be doing something to repay for all the lives she caused to cease.

Now every slight thought turned against her, even her hopes for Rio to return home soon turned to her blaming herself for being too weak, that she deserved all the pain because she wasn't strong enough to resist it or even hold it off until Rio returned.

So she was sat on the floor, shaking as she leaned her back against the sofa as she tried her hardest to hold herself as tight as possible until Rio could herself. All she wanted was for Rio to hold her close as she rested her head on her chest, she needed to know someone was here for her, that even just one person cared about her even if the rest of the world was against her. Rio was her light and that's all she needed when surrounded by all this horrific darkness that had consumed her for what could have been hours or minutes, Y/N really had no idea.

Fortunately Rio would return soon, her job for the day done. She leisurely made her way through the forest that surrounded their home, unaware of the state her lover was in. As she finally reached her home Rio walked into the house with a smile on her face, casually hanging up her coat ad she called out to her lover only pausing when she heard no answer, she tentatively called out her name again with more curiosity and a slight hint of doubt.

She slowly walked towards the living room as Rio reached out to feel the others powers, effectively locating her and assuring she was safe. As she got closer she could hear quiet rugged breathes telling Rio all she had to know as to what was going on. Panic and anxiety attacks were no new thing for Y/N and almost four years in to their relationship she was well acquainted with the effect they had on Y/N and how to help her with them.

Seeing Y/N curled in on herself beside the sofa Rio slowly sat next to her knowing she had barely noticed her entering as Y/N was so clearly absorbed by her own traitorous thoughts. Carefully bringing her hands to Y/N's sides Rio slowly shifted her into her own lap, the woman automatically leaning into her almost immediately. Y/N may have mentally been completely out of it but her body was still here and too well accustomed to the situation to not to know what to do.

Rio started gently brushing her hand through Y/N's hair as her other arm stayed wrapped gently around her waist as she smoothly whispered small words of reassurance to her lover. Slowly but surely Y/N's breath started to calm as her thoughts of self hatred and guilt began to clear too.

Rio knew she was getting closer to a relaxed state and gently pulled her up against her just a bit so Y/N could look up at her as she began to open her eyes. "Y/N, sweetheart, are you alright?" She asked her voice uncharacteristically soft. Rio may have seemed evil and cold to the rest of the world but in moments like these she could be no further from it.

"I'm starting to be." Y/N eventually croaked out, her voice thick along with her still slightly uneven breaths.

Rio nodded with a soft hum "Do you need more time love?" She asked, if Y/N was content just sitting her for awhile longer than so was she but if she needed to get up and eat or just watch some TV together to get her mind off of the guilt than that is what she would do. Rio's only preference was truly just to do whatever Y/N needed.

"Can we watch something?" Y/N asked tentatively, almost as if she was afraid Rio would reject the idea.

"Of course we can, whatever you would like to do we shall darling" Rio replied smoothly.

Y/N took a moment to glance around, clearly deciding on if she wanted to physically move or not. She could see the TV from here yes and although she was quite comfortable she was sure Rio probably wouldn't be staying in this position much longer. "Can we move to the sofa?" Y/N asked unsurely even though the answer was obvious.

Rio simply nodded, grabbing onto Y/N's hand as she released her from her hold knowing she would need some form of contact even as they changed position. Y/N slowly stood up as she held Rio's hand loosely, a good sign that she was starting to calm down even more, her grasp gentle, the touch just a reminder she was there instead of the death grip she had held previously.

They slowly repositioned so that Rio was laying on her back across the sofa, her head propped gently against a pillow just so she could see the screen as Y/N draped her body over top of her lovers so that she could hold her close as her head layed to the side across her chest so she could both snuggle into her love and watch the TV. Realising she had left the remote on the table Rio sighed as she lazily flicked her hand causing the remote to reapear in her grasp.

Turning on the TV Rio asked what Y/N wanted to watch, scrolling through their watch list as Y/N lazily hummed what seemed like a vague "I dunno." Scanning through a range of different shows Rio immediately ruled out anything that required too much concentrating, immediately knocking off anything sci-fi aswell as anything they had not yet watched off the list. Scrolling through more Rio made new criteria for what to watch in her head: Nothing too long, nothing too loud, nothing too important. She debated putting on a nice anime movie, a ghibli film she knew Y/N would like before deciding that it was too long and the pair would likely fall asleep before the end as exhaustion was weighing heavy on them both. Eventually Rio decided on putting on Avatar the last airbender again, it was funny, easy to follow along to and if they fell asleep she knew Y/N was already sure on the plot having watched it countless times before.

They sat quietly as they watched, neither woman making a sound besides the odd chuckle here and there. They didn't have to say anything though, it was clear they were both content and at ease, all that was said was a small exchange of words, an "I love you Rio" softly spoken by Y/N before she replied with a quiet "I love you too sweetheart" as Rio planted a small kiss to the top of her head.

[insomniakisses]

Unexpected News and Welcome Additions

Character: Aemond Targaryen (HOTD)

Warnings/notes: swear words, mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy, aegon being an ass, aemond being a sweet baby, daemon flipping his shit, protective momma rhaenyra, happy alicent, your rhaenyras daughter u can choose adopted or not, ooc daemon? Slight ooc aegon?

Taglist: @introverbatim, @neobanguniverse,

Part one.

“We have some news.” Aemond grins, standing abruptyly silencing the chatter at the table.

All eyes direct towards him and you can see the confusion on your mother’s face, her eyes darting between the two of you. Never the less you accept his hand allowing him to pull you up next to him.

“We, well..” you pause looking at daemon how his eyes seem to stare into your soul. “We are engaged!” You cheer awkwardly.

You can see otto smiling with a nod, while alicent seems to be piecing everything together and u know she knows with the dart of her eyes towards your stomach. Helaena smiling softly at you seeming excited to have someone to talk to about married life.

On the otherside if the table you see your family, your mother gaping at you while your brothers hold blank faces and you can see the clenched jaw of daemon. Yet, the king seemed to be joyfull. “Wonderful news my dear! You have made me a very proud grandsire!” He chuckles.

Thats when shit breaks loose, aegon just had to speak up. He snickers rolling his eyes saying “Dear brother is such a pushover isn’t he mother?” You see her give him a look to shut up but as always he pays it no mind “I mean fucking the whore is one thing but to marry her once pregnant? God what kind of hold has she on you?”

You’re eyes water when all eyes turn to you, closing them and flinching into Aemond’s hold when Daemon stands. Slamming his hand on the table claiming you must have been forces that the greens were taking u hostage that it was all a plan.

It seems your mother had had enough of the dramatics, sending the children to bed including Helaena and Aegon. Before clearing the room of her husband and the hand stating this was a matter for her, Alicent, Viserys and the two of you to navigate.

—

“So.. you are to be married then?” Your mother asks tentatively causing you to bow your head in shame.

“I planned to explain to you.. But we didnt know how to tell everyone and-“

“Its okay sweet child,” the queen hums grabbing your face and kissing your head. You can’t help relax in her hold, “I can’t say i am upset to be made a grandmother again!” She grins.

“And i a proud grandsire of another fine knight or beautiful princess” the king adds, looking at your mother as if to ask for her opinion. It’s only then that you realise shes crying, the sight making you well up to.

“My baby is all grown up” she chokes out wrapping you in her arms and leaving several firm kisses to your head. Her hand unconsciously rubbing your stomach.

“Your… not mad?” You ask cautiously and she chuckles and says “how, my sweetone, could i be mad at you for falling for a mischievous second son thats also your uncle” and you cant help chuckle at the similarity between you.

—

“I cant! I can’t! FUCK! OW! Make it stop-“ you screamed squeezing your mothers hand tight as the maesters told you to push again. Your body felt like it was on fire. But your mother and Alicents soothing words lessoned your fear, slightly. You had been in labour for almost the full day and the babe seemed to refuse to be born and despite your please they seemed reluctant to let Aemond in.

Well, your mother was. You knew why deep down she was afraid that if the choice was given he would sacrifice you to save the baby. You however, knew that he would not. The thought would never cross his mind. So you begged and plead once more for him stating you would not give girl until he was with you. A task they knew you very well might do so they sent for him and the second he held your hand kissing your head and telling you he was there, was the most safe and relaxed you had felt all day.

Your son came quickly after that, a heavy and healthy baby your mother had remarked kissing your head and leaving with Alicent after she muttered her own praises of her newest grandson.

—

“We should call him Aemond.” Your husband grinned, causing you to slap his shoulder.

“No, I’m not calling him after you.” You groaned.

“And why not!?” He huffs clearly disappointed and you give him a look, “do you want me to be moaning our son’s name while we fuck?”

He shudders audibly gagging at the thought. “Perhaps not.” He sighs.

The two of you had been arguing over a name for hours, your son sound asleep in his arms as he gently rocked him.

“We could call him after someone else though”

You muse, the thought making him look up at you quizzically. “Who?”

“I was thinking Laenor…” you whispered afraid he may reject the idea but he hums nodding in approval. “A fine name from a honourable namesake, a fitting name for our little knight.”

You smile up at him, thanking the gods you got such a loving gentle husband.

“Should I let the maesters know then?” He asks, setting Laenor in your arms gently. “Yes, and could you send my mother in on your way? Id like to tell her first.”

—

“LAENOR GET BACK HERE!” You hear from your place by your husband, both of your turning to see the young prince holding what seemed to be a dragon egg while your Aegon chased after him.

The sight making you laugh, especially when Aegon reaches for the egg only for your son to dodge and throw the egg at his father. Aemond catching it with ease.

“Bested by a 3 year old, brother?” He taunts him, Aegon rolling his eyes in response snatching the egg back and placing it into the pot of hot coals by your bed side.

“Well excuse me for picking an egg out for my future nephew!” He defends, rolling his eyes when Aemond corrects him saying that he is to have a girl this time. The notion making you smile, hes always wanted a daughter to spoil.

Your silence is broken when your son pulls Aegons pants down running off in a bout of laughter.

“OI YOU LITTLE-“

—

“She’s beautiful” your mother coos, her finger moving to softly stroke the babes cheek. “That she is” Alicent joins placing a kiss to your head as she congratulates you.

“Have you thought of a name?” She quizzes looking at her son and then you.

You smile, telling them that their was really only one name that came to mind when you found out you had a daughter. You smile at your mother as you say it, “Visenya.”

She lets out a soft gasp, leaning over to kiss your cheek her heart touched that you would name your daughter that. You embrace her softly before placing the babe into her arms letting her and Alicent fawn over her as you lean back into your husbands arms.

“She’s Perfect” he whispers kissing you sofly. “Plus… Aegon’s gonna be pissed” he chuckles.

ANNNNNND DONE! i doubt there will be a part three :)

[watchmegetobsessed]

okay so hear me out: yn’s dad owes a hell lot os money to harry’s dad, not like in a maffia way, but its a serious situation. harry’s father comes up with an offer: if yn marries harry, he will let go of the debt. ofc yn’s dad refuses to sell his daughter but she wants to help her family so she ends up convincing her dad to accept it.

now, harry is known to be this grumpy, closed off loner, he has his own house with lands that he takes care of himself, he is doing his own business but he is known to be distant and doesn’t want anything to do with people. thats the reason why his dad wants him to marry someone, so that he might come out of his shell and start acting “normal”.

there is no wedding, they sign the papers separately and yn moves into harry’s house but they are just two strangers living together. harry ignores her most of the time, even tells her to stay out of his space and she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn’t bother him.

but ofc they can’t avoid each other entirely so they have awkward encounters and run ins here and there, they even talk sometimes and slowly, i mean veeeryy slowly they get used to each other. but yn still feels incredibly lonely and homesick and one night harry finds her crying in the kitchen and he realises how awful she must be feeling so he tries to make her feel more home: he plants her favourite flowers in the garden, he repaints the window frames in the sunroom where she likes to read to her favourite color, he even attempts to cook for her… and slowly, she realises he is not the grumpy, mad guy everyone fears in town but a wonderful man who has been going out of his way to make her happy and ofc she is falling for him, just as hard as he is falling for her.

that is until he finds the emails she has exchanged with a lawyer about a possible divorce without fearing consequences towards her dad. he gets mad and disappointed and so sad, bc he felt like he found the person he could open up to but he was reminded that yn was only there to help her dad, not for him.

bc he still loves her, he gives her a way out: she can go back to her old life, they are getting a divorce and her father will remain dept free. she is confused about the 180 he just took, he is cold all of a sudden and she doesn’t know why. she convinces herself that he doesn’t love her and that she has to move on so she takes the deal and moves back home.

they start the divorce process, it takes about a month and they both suffer that time without each other, she realises he is her home now and he believes he will never love anyone again. they have to sign the final papers and so harry tries to make it happen without them meeting but she shows up at his place and says “i will sign these papers if you say you don’t love me, but if there is the slightest chance you have any feelings for me then im ripping these to pieces and coming right back where i belong” and he goes “feelings? yn i love you like i never thought i could possibly love anyone, i was just a shadow all my life until you came into my life and brought light and love and i will never be the same man again, not after seeing a glimpse of what life could be with you”

so ofc no papers get signed, their dumb asses realise they both been in love with each other so she moves back and they never let go of each other.

wow this was a long rambling lol

[littlexscarletxwitch]

Hiiii i have a request, but dont know if you want to do it.

Flo X reader

Flo and reader have been dating for a while. They have a happy healthy relationship. Reader is getting more famous (dj, traveling the world) and thats hard on their relationship. Flo gets jealous because reader gets alot of female attention and don’t know how to tell reader this bothers her. Also because they dont gave the time for eachother. This takes a toll on their relationship. After some time they decide to break up because they feel like they don’t give each other the time they deserve.

Maybe a year after they “move on” but after seeing each other again, feelings resurface. You can decide the ending

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): a bit of fluff, mostly angst, flo and r break up, i almost made myself cry, a little bit of possessive flo but we love her

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited, not proofread

word count: 2.9k

note: I looooove how this one turned out, I had so much writing this nonnie. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it and I hope you like it, I tried my best lol. Also, she's looong, I love that xd. Also just as I was finishing it I realised you said a year later, well oops, but sometimes 6 months can feel like a whole year. Lots of love M <3

requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3

“Guess what?” you popped your head into your and Florence’s shared bedroom.

“What’s up?” she asked, her eyes not leaving the script she was reading. 

“I’ve got you tickets for tonight’s show. VIP for you, Ashley, Toby, Theo, whoever you want,” you said, smiling. 

She finally looked up at you, she saw the brightness in your eyes that she just couldn’t say no nor she wanted to. “That’s great, baby! Thank you,” she said, blowing you a kiss. 

“Yeah, I thought you would like to come since it’s my last show here and then the tour starts,” you said, making your way to the bed and lying next to her.

Florence mentally cursed herself, she was so caught up with her work that she had totally forgotten that you would be touring for the next six months. She felt sick to her stomach knowing you would be that long away from her, but it was your job after all. Being the most recent popular DJ opened up more doors to you, and that included a full world tour. She couldn't be prouder for you, but she also hated to be so far away from you for so long. Still, she plastered a smile on her face for your sake.

“Yeah, I would love nothing more. We will be there, of course,” she said as she pecked your lips.

[...]

With a drink on her hand, Florence was swaying her hips to the rhythm, her eyes fixed on you even from the VIP sector. She had a smile on her face until a girl showed up next to you, and she couldn't help the smile turning into a frown. 

She was well aware of the attention sometimes you would get, especially from other girls, it was no news to her. But that brunette smiling at you was getting on her last nerve.

“Come on, Flo! You love this song,” Theo, Florence’s friend, tried to get her to dance again.

As she looked back at her friend she realised you had played her favourite song, well it was actually a remix of it, a remix you had made specifically for her. She smiled at the thought of you thinking of her, so her eyes settled back on you and much to her annoyance that brunette was still there, now practically grinding on you. She wasn’t having anymore of that

Florence drank the last bit of the glass before muttering ‘I’ll be right back’ to her friends. She made her way toward you, determination written all over her face. 

“Oh, hey!” you said as you watched her from the corner of your eyes. Florence could tell you were having fun playing your songs but she could also see how tense up your shoulders were, how awkward the brunette was making you. 

“Hi,” she said in a low voice as she grabbed your chin, making you face her and smashed her lips against yours. 

You smiled through the kiss as you heard the crowd in front of you cheering, but unaware that Florence sent a death glare to the brunette while roughly and possessively kissing you. She pushed her tongue inside of your mouth, her eyes glued to the brunette as she watched her face shift into awkwardness. 

You backed away from her, pecking her lips one more time before getting back to your console to keep the party going. Florence decided to not leave your side for the rest of the night, she had to make sure to keep what was her untouched from other people. So she spent the rest of the night grinding on you, stealing kisses from time to time and sending death glare to whoever girl got too close to you.

As she swayed her hips, the thought of you alone in different parts of the world unprotected from other prying eyes upset her, she tried her best to push those thoughts away. She had tonight to make sure everyone knew you were taken and she was going to make sure of it. 

[...]

You felt on the top of the highest mountain, three shows in a week, twice a month all over Europe, Asia, and America. You felt like it couldn't get any better, but night after night the people attending would prove you wrong, making each night unique and memorable.

One of the best parts of your job was that you got to party as much as the people in your shows, you had fun along with them, a dream come true really.

After every show you would call Florence and tell her all about it, the atmosphere, the loud cheering, the dancing, the people you met. The first few weeks she had a smile on her face as she listened to you over the phone, but her smile got bitter as she would see the pictures you would post the next day. 

At first she was happy that you were having the time of your life, but that happiness turned into a dark feeling once she saw all the girls all over you. She tried her best to ignore it, expecting you to ease her mind but you never brought the topic up, not even just to reassure her that those girls were nothing.

Truth be told, you didn’t even realise they were hanging out too close to you night after night as you were too caught in doing your job. It was nothing to you, they weren't Florence. You didn’t even look at them, just when your agent would show you the pictures that were going to be posted. 

But Florence couldn’t take it anymore as she saw the last picture you posted and a girl was kissing your cheek, that was the last straw.

“Hi, baby,” you yawned as you picked up her call, too tired after another successful show. “I was just about to call you.”

“Hey,” she could hear the smile on your face and she instantly felt guilty for having thought to scream at you. 

“I just wrapped up in Spain, Barcelona was epic really, we should come here sometime.”

“Yeah?” she sniffed, her emotions being all over the place. Not just jealousy and the anger toward those women, but missing you was taking a toll on her. “If you think so, then we must,” she felt tears burning her eyes. 

“Flor, are you okay?” she heard as you shifted on the other side of the phone, worried in your tone. “You sound upset.”

“I just—,” she sniffed again, she was about to tell you everything, how she felt, the doubt going through her mind. But she just couldn’t. “When are you coming back?” she cleared her throat. 

“Well, it’s been three months, so three months left,” you chuckled, trying to ease the tension. “We are wrapping up in Europe, five more shows I believe and then—.”

“Y/n, I don’t think I can do this,” she cut you off abruptly. 

Your heart dropped, she didn’t mean that, right?

“Do what, my love?” you played dumb, not wanting to hear her next words. 

“Whatever this is,” tears were rolling down her cheeks, but her voice didn’t tremble.

“‘Whatever this is?’ You think this is whatever?” you wanted to be angry at her, but really all you felt was sadness and rejection. You loved her, she loved you. This was not whatever. 

“Long distance just isn't doing it for me,” she just replied, as if you and her hadn’t been dating for almost two and a half years.

“Isn’t doing it for you,” you scoffed. “Really? I’m working, Florence. This is my job. I’m not on sabbatical, okay? I thought you were proud… I thought you were happy about me, world touring is a big thing.”

“I know, Y/n. I–.” 

What am I doing? Florence thought. 

“No,” you cut her off. “You’re not being fair, you are—.”

“I’m not being fair?” you could sense the anger in her voice now. “You left, okay? What did you expect me to do? That I was just going to wait for you at the front door like a puppy?” she finally snapped.

“Not like a puppy, but I thought I meant more… I thought you…” you sniffed. “I guess I was just wrong.”

“I guess we both were,” she said, then silence followed. 

You took a deep breath, pushing back the tears and swallowing the lump on your throat. 

“So this is it,” you waited for her to deny your words, you wanted her to. 

“Yeah, this is it,” she said instead, her angry and irrational self talking. 

You bit down your bottom lip as hard as you could to stop the whimper that threatened to escape your lips. 

“Okay, I… um,” you sniffed. “I’ll text someone to go pick up my things. Not that I have much there anyway…

“Y/n—” she tried, but the damage was already done. 

“Goodbye, Flor,” you said, the nickname finally shattering Florence’s heart into a million pieces.

“Y/n?” she tried again, sobbing, but all she heard was the dead line on the other side. 

[...]

Was it masochist of you to watch your ex’s new movie after having broken up six months ago? Yes, most likely yes.

You told yourself that it was just a coincidence, but you won’t lie to yourself, you knew exactly what you were doing when you decided to play that film.

You weren’t sure how you felt about her, you thought you had moved on from your relationship, that you grieved it and now you were at peace with it. But watching her on the screen, watching her smile, laugh, sure she was playing a character but the resemblance to the real Florence, the Florence you knew was there. 

You huffed in annoyance at yourself as the credits played on the screen. It was enough self pity for a day, you decided to go out and have a coffee, trying your best to get your mind off of your ex and her pretty smile. 

Your legs took you to your usual coffee place without much thought. It was a route you knew by heart, it was the coffee place that was closest to your apartment, and it was also the one you and Florence would usually go to. You dryly laughed at yourself as you opened up the door, could you be any more masochist?

You took your time looking at the menu, even though it was pointless since you always order the same thing. 

“Hello, what can I get for you?” the cute waitress smiled at you. 

“Hi, can I get a black coffee and an avocado toast to go please?” you returned the smile. 

“Sure thing!” Wendy, as it read on her tag name, said. 

You moved aside, waiting for your order as Wendy took new orders from the other clients. “Hi! Can I get a black tea with oat milk and two chocolate cookies to go, please?” you heard someone say to Wendy. 

A sad smile formed on your lips as you remembered that was Florence’s order. But it was silly really to think about her, most brits order tea and you were living in London after all.

“There you go,” the person said once again, probably handling Wendy the money. 

A shiver went up your spine as the stranger’s voice echoed in your mind. That raspy low voice, it sounded so similar to one you used to hear every morning, the one that sent shivers down your spine and caused butterflies in your stomach when it whispered in your ear. You shook your head, pushing away all thoughts related to Florence. 

It cannot be her, Y/n. You told yourself. She is not fucking here. Florence is…

“Y/n?” that sweet raspy low voice asked. 

Painfully slowly you turned around to face her, afraid and excited to meet her eyes. Those soft green eyes you so loved, those gentle green eyes that used to look at you with adoration, those green eyes whose owner broke your heart.

“Hi,” you almost whispered. 

“Hey,” you noticed the corner of her lips slightly pulling upwards.

You weren’t sure what to do next and neither did Florence since her lips gaped like a fish out of water. 

“I… I have to go,” you mumbled quickly, nodding to yourself. “Yeah, I have to—.”

“Y/n, you didn’t even get your order yet,” she sweetly muttered.

“Right,” you cursed yourself mentally. “Yeah, I’ll get my coffee and then I do have to go.”

As if on cue, you heard your name being called. Unlucky for you, so was Florence’s. 

“Sit with me,” she pleaded as you grabbed your coffee and avocado toast. Before you could deny her once again, she said, “Please, Y/n.”

She sounded so sweet, so gentle, so broken and wounded. She sounded nothing like the woman who broke up with you during a phone call. 

You made the mistake to look at her pickle green eyes and there was no way you could say no. 

“Five minutes,” you muttered, making your way to a free table, sure she was following behind you.

“Fifteen tops.”

“Ten,” you countered back.

She cleared her throat as the two of you took a seat opposite of eachother. “How… um.. How have you been?” she stared.

“Busy, really busy,” you took a sip of your coffee, buying yourself some time. A half lie, the tour ended 3 months ago so you weren’t that busy.

“I know it’s been a while and I just…” Florence couldn’t find the right words to say.

She had been waiting for this opportunity ever since you hung up the phone, she wanted to explain herself to you, she wanted to tell you what was going through her mind when she ended the most beautiful relationship she had ever had. She wanted to call you so many times after breaking up, but never found the courage to do so. She knew this was her only chance, she knew she couldn’t mess up. 

“That night…” you felt tears burning in the corner of your eyes, but you refused to let them roll down your cheeks.  “Before you called I was looking at some pictures you posted, and I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking how much fun you were having without me,” she cleared her throat. “And all I could see was all those women around you, touching you, smiling at you,” she humorlessly chuckled. “Fuck, I even remeber one was kissing your cheek or something.”

Your eyes winded as the memory came back, you wanted to tell her what happened: that the girl was beyond drunk, that you were just being polite, that your photographer took the picture without you noticing but you pushed off the girl as soon as her lips touched your cheek. You wanted to tell her when she called you, but she never let you explain it.

“And I just got so jealous and mad… and sad because I missed you,” she sniffed. “My emotions were all over the place and I just didn’t handle the situation how I would have wanted to.”

“That night I was going to tell you. I felt so guilty about that stupid kiss. Nothing happened, she was just really drunk and somehow they snapped a quick picture,” you explained to her nonetheless. “I didn’t want to post that picture, I wanted to delete it, but they thought it was a good picture so I couldn’t have a say in the matter,” you forced yourself to meet her gaze. “I want you to know that nothing ever happened.” 

A weight lifted off of both yours and Florence’s shoulders.

“I should have talked to you about my feelings.”

“I should have forced them out of you,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe…” she said, lost in her own thoughts while a thin smile formed on her lips. “Are you… are you seeing someone?” she cofed, trying to act nonchalant.

You bite your bottom lip, trying to hold back the grin. “I am not,” you licked your lips, suddenly feeling them dry. “Are you?” you almost whispered. 

“No,” she quickly shook her head. “I am not.”

Silence embraced the two of you as yours and Florence’s heart started quickly and loudly beating. 

“So, I…”

“Maybe we…”

You both giggled as you both wanted to speak at the same time.

“You first,” you smiled at her.

“Have dinner with me,” she simply said. 

Once again you took your bottom lip in between your teeth. “Florence, I don’t know if…”

“Please, Billie misses you,” your stomach shrunk at her comment.

“Fuck,” you mumbled under your breath but she still heard you which made her smile. “Just Billie?” you asked teasingly and with a bit of hope. 

“No, not just Billie. I miss you too,” she slowly reached for your hand across the table, scared you were going to pull it away from hers. She let out the breath she was holding when you squeezed her hand, that was progress. “Just the three of us, dinner at mine, please?”

From the moment you saw her at the cafe you knew you were back at her mercy, who were you trying to fool? 

“Fine,” you pretend to sound annoyed, but she knew you were only messing with her since you flashed her a smile. 

You would always come back to her, you knew it and you were sure she knew it as well.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[lewkwoodnco]

the tortured poets department - george karim x reader

George stiffened and shut his eyes regretfully as if he couldn’t bear to see that look on her face. A faint flush started creeping up his throat, peeking out from behind his starchy collar. “Don’t,” he whispered.

“Tell me,” she pressed, taking yet another step closer until their noses were barely an inch apart, “who else is going to know me? Truly know me?”

He let go of the breath he was holding and it fluttered across her cheek like the ghost of a kiss. They were venturing into intolerably intimate territory, and she could feel her pulse racing under the distracted brush of his thumb on her wrist.

a/n - HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH thats it thats the a/n also happy birthday to ali hadji-hesmati ia m NOT late shut up

tropes/warnings - slight nsfw towards the end (idk tho??), angst (what else is new lmao), tw slight mention of suicide, ft locklyle wedding (a bit) happy ending tho, i am very sick wrote this entirely on my phone and cannot be held accountable for any of this

word count - 3.7k!

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

Who uses typewriters anyway?

That was what she had mouthed at her friend from across the Fittes office. They were brand new hires; scribes assigned to different researchers under an apprenticeship programme. Things were off to a rougher start than she had expected. From what she could see, her friend had been assigned to a perfectly normal-looking researcher who, now that introductions were complete, was explaining his filing system to her.

On the other hand, the first thing her oddly intense researcher had asked was if she knew how to use a typewriter. She had laughed, thinking it was a joke, before very quickly realising that he was being perfectly serious. He started explaining how the contraption worked far too quickly for her to catch anything, and she had taken the chance to shoot her friend a look.

“L/N?”

She whipped her head back around, immediately apologetic. “Sorry. I think I get how it works now.” Really, it was just bad luck that she had gotten the short end of the stick.

The next thing she learnt, over many months, was how to pick up on and decrypt George’s nonverbal cues. Namely, knowing what his every sigh, muttering or frown meant. While it had felt frustrating similar to banging her head against a wall in the beginning, he started to grow on her. Learning how George Karim ticked was like figuring out an intriguing puzzle all on her own. Besides, he wasn’t unkind. He could be understanding, so long as he had the patience for it on that particular day.

But there were times when she decided that no, he wasn’t all that compassionate of a coworker. Particularly on nights when he’d have her write up chapters worth of research summarised from his scrawled notes. And woe betide her should she make one too many mistakes.

Who the hell uses typewriters anyway?

"Do you ever think about leaving Fittes?"

Her typing stopped abruptly, her flickering train of thought completely demolished by George's appalling suggestion. They were sitting at their adjacent desks at the Fittes office, her typing up the previous night's case report while George twiddled his thumbs and fiddled with a pen in increasingly creative ways.

"Leave? And go where?"

She followed the line of his hateful stare towards one of the thick metal doors along the corridor which led to a more restricted part of the offices. Like most others, she felt no pressing inclination to snoop around and stumble upon information she would rather not find. But for someone like George, she could practically see how it gnawed at him - libraries of secrets just begging to be known.

Her gaze flitted anxiously between his face and the door. It was both a frightening and thrilling thing when George decided to put his mind to something, using his brain at its full capacity in some sincerely earnest hunt for knowledge. It was also the thing that was going to get him killed sooner or later, mesmerising as he was. It. Mesmerising as it was.

"Start our own agency. Play by our rules."

She laughed nervously, too artificial even for her own ears as she wrung her stiff hands. George's voice had a distant quality to it that told her he was on the way to making some very bad decisions if she didn't step in soon. "Oh, George, you say the…the darnedest things. You're no Tom Rotwell, you know."

"You're not Marissa Fittes yourself, either."

"Rude."

His gaze flickered to her at that, the barest hint of a smile ghosting his lips as the tension in his shoulders dissolved. She visibly relaxed as well, satisfied that it would be a decent while before he once again latched onto this bizarre notion.

Which was why his abrupt switch in employment to some small, crumbling agency had left her more than shell-shocked. Coming into work on a normal, gloomy Monday and seeing George's desk cleared out and painfully sterile of the ideas and theories he buzzed with left her feeling lost at sea in the worst way. And he didn't bother to reach out to her either - not a call, not a letter, not a visit.

That is, not a visit until he turned up at her door in the middle of the night, pale as the Visitors that skulked outside her door.

"Sorry.”

For one stupidly miraculous moment, she thought he might be apologising for a month’s worth of grey days and sleepless nights.

“I know it’s late, but I think I left my typewriter here."

She felt stupidly disappointed.

"You're making a mess of my - what are you doing?"

George had located his otherwise untouched typewriter positioned at one corner of her dining table and was now furiously typing away, a sickly, pallid sheen to his forehead.

"Don't worry, I'll be qui -"

"Karim."

His typing faltered, and for once he had the decency to look marginally embarrassed.

“Sit down. Start from the beginning.”

So he did. He told her everything about some Type Two case at 62 Sheen Road, short of coming out and saying that he had put his associates' lives in danger, but she could hear it in his voice. It was an almost welcome return to the old days of picking out the relevant parts while his mind ran ahead at the speed of light; so much to think and agonise over. When his voice finally started to run thin, she fetched him a cup of tea, taking a moment to process it all.

"Okay, so, if I have this right, none of this is your fault. No - don't argue with me. Drink your tea. You told him to wait, that you needed more time.“

He mumbled something incoherent as he pulled off his glasses, dragging a hand across his eyes, looking far too young and worn. He glanced up to meet her gaze, the look on his face as much of a wreck as the rest of him. He looked down again, staring at his hands splayed on her dining table. George never was one for letting his feelings show, let alone hysterics, and it rubbed at something raw to see him spiralling this badly.

“They’d be better off with a researcher who could actually do his job.”

She suppressed the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes.

“Oh, please, this has nothing to do with being altruistic. This is just you trying to punish yourself over something that isn’t even your fault.”

He showed no sign of having heard her. She sighed and slid into the seat next to his, her fingers nearly brushing his.

“Look - what's done is done. Possibly the worst thing you could do now is leave them in the lurch like this. Of course, it's not going to be smooth sailing throughout, but you made a commitment, so for the love of God keep your head up and stick it through.” She reached out to loosely cover his wrist. “Okay?”

George stayed silent but glanced up at her. Okay. She pulled her hand away. He finished the last of his tea and stood.

“I should get going, I suppose.”

She looked out the window, eyeing the eerie green glow of the ghost lamps critically. “It’s a bit late, don’t you think? Not very safe.”

“I have my rapier on me.”

The corners of her mouth tightened.

“I’d feel better if you left in the morning.”

And so they ended up in her living room, him sitting on the floor and her sitting on the couch, dragging her fingers through his soft curls. They talked about everything and nothing, like the recent layoffs at Rotwell’s and what George’s new associates were like. He made them sound marvellous. It was obvious why he’d leave Fittes. Why he’d leave her.

“The three of us…we live at 35 Portland Row.”

“Mhm.”

“And there’s this doughnut shop down the street from there.”

She lightly scraped his scalp teasingly.

“So that’s why you left.”

She could feel him smile despite himself.

“We should go, someday. You’d love it.”

A vision trickled into her imagination - she and George standing at the end of some empty cobblestoned road with soft, pillowy doughnuts dripping sugar down their knuckles, sprinkles melting into their fingerprints. It’s evening, and the sun is almost painfully intense, beating down a lovely glow over the scene. She’s distantly aware of the impending danger of the rapidly approaching nighttime, but for now, George is standing in front of her in a soft shirt, the edges of his face kind and blunt, the almost permanent furrow of his brow melted away in the liquid sun, reaching out to swipe a thumb at the corner of her mouth -

“Get some rest.” Her voice was thick with a longing for such golden yet treacherously illusory days. George leaned back, resting his head on the couch with half-lidded eyes, his breathing evening out as he drifted off. She gently slipped her fingers out of his hair. She gently pulled his glasses off but before she could put them someplace safe, she was out like a light herself.

She had a fitful sleep and blearily woke up a few hours later, George’s head an oddly comforting weight against her knee. She groggily pulled herself up and tossed a blanket at the figure slumped against her couch before fetching a glass of water and some paracetamol.

Shortly after, George lurched awake like he was sweating out a fever, heart thudding and eyes restless. He groaned, no doubt wincing at the pounding behind his eyes. He caught sight of the water and medicine placed next to him but looked away after a moment of consideration. She raised her eyebrows pointedly, knowing only too well the kind of hell his overactive mind was capable of putting him through.

“How’s your head?”

She hadn’t meant to sound that sarcastic, but it was enough for him to get the hint. He relented, taking a sip of water and then one of the pills just for good measure.

"Good. Now go home and get some proper rest, you moron."

She watched him stumble down the road till he turned the corner, trying to hide how shaken she was by his panic. She sighed wearily. Only a month at Lockwood & Co. and already he would be a desperate wreck without them. She turned back inside, trying to ignore how empty her dining table looked without his typewriter and how vacant she felt without that flimsy excuse for him to see her again.

Years passed. She and George somewhat kept in touch, but it had still been extremely startling when Lockwood & Co. reached out to her with plans to expose her employer, Marissa Fittes. Amongst the tragedy of Portland Row being reduced to rubble, Kipps nearly dying and the Skull almost moving on, unemployment was the least of her concerns.

Still, it wasn’t all sad once Lucy had proposed to Lockwood after one too many failed attempts by the latter party. They had planned a relatively intimate affair, only inviting some old friends of the ex-Fittes employees of the group.  

They held it at an inexpensive banquet hall just a few minutes away from Portland Row. Lucy looked gorgeous and glowing with happiness under the gentle warm lighting, and Lockwood looked dashing in a suit not much more formal than his regular one. He spent the majority of the reception denying that he had teared up at the first glimpse of Lucy at the end of the aisle, insisting that his best man was a pathological liar.

After the main event, the guests milled around, having drinks, and occasionally congratulating the happy couple. As expected, Lockwood became very drunk very quickly, enough to pull out some terribly nonsensical yet oddly stirring comment.

“Here’s to the first day of the rest of our lives.”

She glanced across at George. He met her eye. They immediately looked away. She could have sworn she felt a hitch of some breath between them. She felt the prickle of tears behind her eyes. Lucy was desperately trying to shut up an overly emotional and hence overly talkative Lockwood who looked ready to launch into a speech no one asked for.

“That’s enough now, or we’ll have Kipps bawling all through dinner.”

It wasn’t exactly a sit-down dinner, though there was appropriate seating. Half of the guests were eating and the other half were having fun with some party games. She was watching Holly struggle at Twister when she felt someone slide into the seat next to hers - namely, the best man, George.

“Hey.”

She grinned, flushed from the champagne she had been sipping all evening. “Hey.”

“Having fun?”

“Lots.”

He couldn’t help but return her smile, looking a little tipsy himself. “I can tell.”

They ate in silence for a while, only the tinny sound of the radio’s strain and cheers from the party games filling the space between them.

“I think I missed you at the bouquet toss earlier.”

She nearly swallowed her spoon. He had noticed? He noticed her? She didn't know how to tell him that she couldn't see herself marrying anyone that wasn't him. How could she wake up every day knowing her better half was somewhere out there miles away, wondering if he wished for someone as moron-shaped as her?

“Oh, well, that’s not really my thing. More of a bridesmaid than a bride.”

She resumed eating, presuming that line of conversation to be over until she noticed he was still looking at her strangely, his cutlery stationary in his hands. Her chewing slowed in an attempt at dignity.

“…what?”

He lifted her right hand off her knife, making her heart thud dangerously. Wordlessly, he pulled off the sapphire ring on her middle finger and oh-so-delicately slid it onto her ring finger instead.

“I think you’d make a wonderful bride.”

She stared at the ring, speechless. It wasn’t a proposal, but it wasn’t nothing either. Maybe…maybe this was a second chance at something. Maybe he wouldn’t screw this up this time.

He almost reluctantly relinquished his grip on her hand. She didn’t dare meet his eye. Even his voice, quiet yet slightly rough, felt unbearable to hear.

“Were you mad? When I left without telling you?”

She had waited months to hear those words.

“I wished you'd talked to me about it first. Just...just to make sure your head was screwed on straight.”

He nodded, and they returned to their food, the silence a lot less giddily amicable now.

“So, would you have - “

“Absolutely not. God, no. I would have told you to stay ten feet away from Anthony Lockwood at all times.”

They looked over to where Lucy was helping Lockwood sit down, having unfortunately thrown his back out at Limbo. She winced. “He’s such a wild card.”

“I suppose I am too.”

She turned, curious, and he looked as though he regretted letting that slip out. Her voice dropped, taking on a softer edge.

“Not to me. Not when it’s you.”

He stared at her like there was something bloodied and hungry behind his eyes. She felt this twinge of something in her chest. Oh, how could she bear this? How could she bear him?

Sometimes, part of her wished she were a book - one completely enthralling and riveting, chock-full of secrets eager to slip out and lose themselves in thin air. Perhaps that was just a manifestation of her paralysing desire to be known and to be known by him.

“I should go,” George was saying as he finished up the last of his food. He stood, wiping his mouth, wandering off to find his coat. Maybe it was the liquor or the unfamiliar buzz of hope in the air tonight, but there was some odd tone of finality to his voice. She watched him leave, chewing her food thoughtfully, not feeling very hungry anymore.

As the minutes trickled by, it began to feel exhausting to be surrounded by so many happy couples, happy people, all that revolting joy and merriment. Only a short while after George had left, she located her own coat and weeded Lucy out of a throng of people doing the Macarena.

“I think I might head out now. Congratulations once again, Luce.”

“You too? Aww, thanks. Have you decided about the job offer from Madison?”

“I haven’t written back yet, but I think I’m going to turn them down. I was thinking about talking to Lockwood someday to see if he could take on one more employee. Plus, Madison’s a bit far out, and I’m pretty comfortable where I am.”

“Good. George might have just offed himself if it weren’t for his course at Edinburgh. I mean,” Lucy tripped over her words over the stunned look on her face, “I’m sure he was just kidding.”

“Hang on. Edinburgh?”

“Yeah. For his supervisor training. Did he not tell you? I thought for sure he…”

Lucy’s words muffled into oblivion and bled into some horrible ringing sound. Her mouth felt painfully dry. No. This couldn’t be happening.

“…he wanted to wait till after the wedding to tell Lockwood. Didn’t want to put a damper on things. Don’t get me wrong - I’m just as cut up about it, but…” They looked over to where Lockwood was watching the limbo game from afar with a forlorn expression. “…you know Lockwood.”

“What the hell, George.”

He jumped, freezing with his hand buried deep in his pocket, tediously hunting for his keys. She had managed to catch him at the front porch of Portland Row, looking especially guilty under the tepid glow of the ghost lamps.

“You’re training to become a supervisor?”

His face briefly twisted in annoyance. The audacity. “I told Lucy in confidence -“

“When were you going to tell me, Karim? Or were you just going to let me find out all on my own, like last time?” She wanted to laugh cruelly. There was nothing merciful about this knife in her chest. “I mean, why do this? Why lead me on and make me feel things and give me hope?”

“When have I ever led you on?”

“Then what was all that with my ring? Huh?” Tears sprang to her eyes once again, hot and shameful, stinging like a caustic disinfectant to an open wound. She felt so, so stupid.

“You said you didn’t care.”

“I did care!” she snapped. “Of course I fucking cared. I don’t think I could have stopped myself from caring, not when I know you like the back of my hand.”

“But you don’t care. No - tomorrow you’re going to board a train and move out of my reach and meet someone new to soothe the turmoil in your head and you won’t feel my heart bleeding for you. And if you’re very, very lucky, you might find some semblance of happiness -“

“I weigh you down!” The tirade died at her lips. Fury lined every shadow, every crevice of George’s face. He spat his words out with such venom, utter distaste. “I weigh you down…like a child. You pick me up when I fall down and kiss it better because that’s the kind of person you are. I can’t sentence you to a lifetime of running around trying to save me. I won’t do it. I’ll find someone else.”

A burden. He looked through her eyes and all he saw was a shrivelled excuse of a companion, dragging her into his depths of despair. She’d be lying if she said she never felt suffocated by his baggage. But there were some burdens you didn’t mind shouldering, not when you loved them so tenderly.

After all, who was going to unravel his every pause, stutter, sigh, and ache as she did?

“But who else is going to decode you like I do?”

George stiffened and shut his eyes regretfully as if he couldn’t bear to see that look on her face. A faint flush started creeping up his throat, peeking out from behind his starchy collar. “Don’t,” he whispered.

“Tell me,” she pressed, taking yet another step closer until their noses were barely an inch apart, “who else is going to know me? Truly know me?”

He let go of the breath he was holding and it fluttered across her cheek like the ghost of a kiss. They were venturing into intolerably intimate territory, and she could feel her pulse racing under the distracted brush of his thumb on her wrist.

There was a brooding, resigned look in his eye as if whatever he had been running from had finally caught up to him. He bowed his head and their foreheads touched. Her arms nervously reached around his neck, his hands on her waist steadying her as if to keep their balance on whatever strand of peace the moment had proffered them.

Her lips hovered over his shoulder, clavicle and jaw. She felt him reflexively tighten and loosen his grip, restless fingers fiddling with the folds of her dress and how they wrapped around her body. She brushed against the shell of his ear and felt a shiver run up his spine.

“Who else is going to hold you…like me?”

He turned a fraction and she briefly registered the lack of hesitation in his dark eyes before he finally closed the last of the gap between them. He pressed his lips to hers, soft yet intentional. He tasted like champagne and smoke and promises long-forgotten yet unbroken. It was a dizzying sort of relief to feel that years-old desperate want coiled inside finally melt through arms and fingertips buzzing with curiosity.

After that first touch, it felt as though they couldn’t get close enough, let alone pull themselves apart and have the brisk evening air rush in and nip at sensitive skin. She heard the doorknob rattle as George fumbled with it. After a short struggle, they stumbled into a nearly pitch-dark Portland Row, urgently shucking off each other’s coats and scarves. Her mind was running a mile a minute, her scalp tingling with electricity; white noise over the scrape of his teeth against her skittering pulse.

Her thoughts fragmented. At Fittes. In his room. In her apartment. His typewriter sitting glossy, polished, untouched, maddening -

George Karim was the most affected prick she had the misfortune of knowing. It was bad, bad luck that she was so irrevocably tied to him.

TAGLIST: @cielooci @mohinithoughts @neewtmas @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @ahead-fullofdreams @elenianag080 @avdiobliss @mischivana @mitskiswift99

[mytearsbuckochet]

What's your most hated Bummy scene?? I'll tell you mine. It has to be the kiss in the hospital lobby and buck getting outed because of his soot covered mouth. Never hated a 911 episode more than that. I love Buck. They just made a mockery out of him by that scene.

Where do I even start.. Couldn't agree more about the soot scene, although I'm more angry at the writers about that one than I am at Tommy, given how important it was to Buck that he came out to Eddie and Maddie on his own terms and how much weight he gave those interactions I feel like even though that one was supposed to be a cute little "hehe look this is very Buck coded", it fell short in that I would've liked everyone else at the 118 to find out in a more heartfelt way ya know??

In terms of my least favourite(s), the whole arc with billy boils was a very interesting play by the writers in that it highlighted the differences between Eddie and Tommy in a meaningful way. On one hand, Eddie, who has presumably been with Buck in the hospital the whole time he was being treated for his boils, is used to Buck's hyperfixations and Wiki deep dives, and finds them wholesome and cute. I reblogged a post a little bit ago where Buck told Maddie about how her and Chim always finish each others sentences and that theyre basically already dating, and then contrasted with how Eddie was finishing Buck's sentences in that scene. Buddie fanatic aside (I will admit im obsessed with these two idiots), THIS is the kind of domesticity I've always wanted for Buck's partners, where they acknowledge and love those little moments that he has.

Now lets go ahead and look at Tommy's side of this whole thing: Tommy's reaction to seeing the boils + how he treated and viewed Buck's obsession as exactly that, an obsession + the graveyard scene??? You can break it down into "oh well Buddie have known eachother since s2, Bummy have been together 6 months", but from my perspective the fact that Buck didn't even realise Tommy didn't like women until their 6 month anniversary (???) just goes to show that they don't really know that much about one another. Tommy was completely right in the breakup scene; he was definitely not Buck's last, and the poor guy is definitely in need of some self exploration (#letbuckfuck) before I'd be happy to see Buddie honestly (and thats not even considering the work that needs to be done on Eddie, my guy is going through it rn with Chris). Anyway; I just read this amazing fic by playinginthundestorms (on ao3) and I think the way they described Tommy (slightly Tommy bashing), was overall how I imagine he sees Buck. It never really felt like Tommy was fond of these little things Buck does in the way that Eddie (and the rest of the 118) are, more seeing him as childish or juvenile as the fic described. And it makes sense, tommy is older than Buck. A whole other can of worms and probably the icing on the cake for me was the Abby debacle, the misogyny really showed??? like man you have not changed since Hen my lord. Calling Abby out for running off with some "himbo half her age" was wild considering thats what he is currently doing with Buck? Especially with all the shit she had to go through with her mum at the time? Like what on earth is your excuse Temu? Anyway, to cut a long rant short, I actually have given you like 50 reasons, but i definitely think that Tommy was a well placed plot device and it was obvious from the start. Also, ABC could've chosen ANYONE to be Buck's first experience with a man and they were like yep lets use the racist homophobe from Chim and Hen begins cos why not?! I probably would've had a far less negative opinion of him if he was a fresh character, and I think that's on purpose, I think it would be really interesting if they go down the road of hen and chim sharing their experiences with Tommy now that they've broken up, and that they didn't say anything cos they just wanted Buck to be happy. Definitely after that heartfelt scene with Hen especially, that I didn't get cos of that bloody soot scene.

[ts1m1kas]

Original Ask: here's one for jude 😁 they're childhood friends, have known one another for so long, everyone says they are a perfect fit but jude brushes off the idea because deep down he doesn't want to admit he's in love with her, she on the other hand doesn't have time for relationships cause of her career as a ballerina. they stop talking for about three years until they meet again in madrid, she's dragged by her girlfriends to see real madrid play, that's when she sees jude, they reconnect with jude finally ready to confess his feelings, however one of his teammates tries to jump in the way. (@findingnemosworld)

Word Count: 761 words

(author's note: everyone thank @findingnemosworld for her amazing requests !! i did change the ending a little so i hope thats okay 🫶)

Jude always thought that Y/N was the most beautiful girl in the world. Her smile could light up a room, and her laugh was like music to his ears. They had been friends since he could remember, spending most of their childhood years as an inseparable pair.

What Jude didn’t realise is that Y/N felt exactly the same about him. His happy-go-lucky personality made her enjoy being around him, and the side of him that was ever-so caring made her fall head over heels for the boy.

But through Jude’s move to Real Madrid and Y/N’s gruelling career as a ballerina, the pair had fallen apart. This shocked everyone around them, as anyone who looked their way would assume they were a couple. There was no one else in the world who would've been more of a perfect fit together than Jude and Y/N.

Jude Bellingham wasn’t scared of most things. He’d played professional football for years. Suffered online abuse and gone through many hardships throughout his life. But the idea of telling Y/N how he felt about her had him shaking with fear. He valued her friendship more than anything else, so when he had to let his best friend know he was moving away, it broke his heart.

Y/N was devastated. Jude’s departure had made her lose her drive and motivation and her ballet career was suffering because of it. Her coach was pushing her to her limits to distract her from the gaping hole that Jude had left behind in her life with his departure.

Time passed, and the pair hadn’t spoken in months. But that didn’t mean that they didn’t think of one another every passing minute, of every passing day.  

Y/N had a break in ballet performances, and it just so happened that her dance group’s next show was in Madrid. Her friends had been given tickets to a football game, and she blindly agreed to go. Her friend, who had been given the tickets, was married to a player from one of the teams playing, and Y/N desperately needed a chance to relax.

Jude was sat in the changing rooms. He was listening to Vinicius Jr. give them a pep talk before their game against Sevilla. He had a strange feeling his his stomach but he couldn’t place it. 

"Jude, are you okay?" Luka asked him, noticing the look on his Jude's face.

“Yeah man, I’m fine”, Jude responded, brushing off his friend’s concerns.

And so the game began. Y/N and her friends sat, immersed in the game. She always used to watch Jude play, and the interest in football had stuck, even after he moved away. However, when the line-ups were announced and the players walked out, Y/N felt sick. She hadn’t seen Jude in three years since his move to Madrid, and the painful memories rocketed to the forefront of her mind.

Jude ran onto the pitch. As he stood through the pre-game formalities, his eyes wandered over the masses of spectators that had turned up to watch their teams play. However, his eyes widened when they connected with those belonging to a familiar face.

Y/N’s mouth dropped open. The look she shared with Jude was one full of shock and pain. Jude mouthed ‘meet me after the game’ and she understood immediately.

It was an interesting game that resulted in a draw. Each side fought hard, but neither of them could grasp the winning goal. Jude had never been so eager to leave the pitch as he rushed over to where Y/N was waiting for him.

As he stood in front of the girl he had loved his whole life, he faltered. Jude knew he couldn’t hold his feelings back any longer.

“Y/N, I love you. I have for so many years and I-”

“Jude, I love you too.”

Jude stopped talking. He had been waiting to hear those three words come out of her mouth since he had learned what they meant. He couldn’t stop himself anymore. He stepped forward, cupped her face with his hand, and kissed her. 

Jude poured every ounce of love he had for Y/N into that kiss. The fondness he felt for her was unbeaten, the years he spent hiding it, filled with regret.

Once they broke away, the looked at eachother. The look was not filled with pain this time, it had been replaced with love and tenderness.

The pair left the stadium, reunited and ready to spend their days together.

[catboylister]

hi iwbftblr i am going to yap about when/why i think listers addiction starts because i think about it a lot

cw for disscussions of alcoholism (obviously) but also sa and poverty and basically anything lister goes through at all. bro is living ROUGH

i don't believe that its as simple as hes just got an 'addictive personality' or he has the addiction gene. jimmy himself even says that "before we got famous, lister showed little sign of being into the party lifestyle, beyond being mildly disruptive at school." (pg 79.) so its most likely due to other triggers that his addiction began.

one of the most obvious things that triggers his alcoholism is having access to money after growing up in poverty. also on pg 79 jimmy says "as soon as we started making money, lister's love for the finer things reared its head." growing up in poverty is fucking rough, and lister is still a young teen when they start getting famous, he has no idea how budgeting, savings or credit actually works. its a very typical childish response for him to have. in the scene where they argue in the bathroom lister confirms that he was very close to living on the streets, so of course hes going to be excitable and reckless when he has access to the wild amount of money they get from being famous. and again, lister basically confirms that this wealth is a big trigger for him, drinking and parties for him is just "enjoying having money and being happy." (pg. 141)

as for when that actually starts, isn't the most clear, but you can sort of create a timeline by looking at some of the extra materials like 'the incident on showday' and the wiki pages alice has made !! while the incident doesn't actually have a canon ending, the things we learn about the characters and how the act tells us a little bit more the ark's life pre-iwbft.

starting with 'the incident on showday' lister is 17 and it's very clear that he's already struggling with alcoholism. it's very much passed the 'just social drinking' phase considering he's (very badly) drinking in secret already. also cecily's 'no drinking on show days' rule is already a thing at the point. (this is all on the starting page of the game)

skipping slightly forward, when you get to the part where you're in the supply cupboard with jimmy, and choose to apologise, lister begins to ramble about his alcoholism and reveals quite a bit.

"look, i just... i know this isn't the first time i've done this and i promise... i swear i'll try to sort it out." / "i just... with the drinking... i feel like i can barely control it anymore, i dunno, and i always do it when i don't want to-"

from this we know that lister knows he has an issue, and maybe that he's been trying to deal with it on his own, but it hasn't been working out. either way, at 17, its already an issue that has been going on for a while. which makes me think that it became an addiction when he was either 16 or 17

we know that at these ages he's been through a lot. he was for the first time when he was 16, and i'd say it's implied that it happened again with kevin but thats a whole other conversation. it would have also been around the time that the suitcase incident happened and rowan was ignoring him, so he would've probably felt very lonely, and partied more to try cope with that. these, plus the money are probably the biggest causing factors for his addiction, at least from my interpretation.

also, as for jimmy and rowan not intervening, through iwbft, especially at the start, lister's drinking habits are sort of portrayed as just this quirk of his. though jimmy's attitude towards it gets more serious as the week goes on. jimmy only comes to the realisation that lister is displaying obvious signs of alcoholism for the first time when he finds him in the bathroom. he does attempt to bring this up to lister, but ultimately it is considered and issue for another day, which results in the whole lister almost dying because red flags weren't taken seriously enough thing. again thats probably better for a whole other conversation too.

but anyway, timeline that makes most sense in my head is:

the ark start blowing up + making money -> the record their first album -> lister is assaulted -> album eventually comes out and they're preparing for their first european tour -> lister accidentally outs jimmy -> rowan ignores lister for 2 months, so probably that entire tour -> lister is extremely lonely -> he starts to party more to as a coping mechanism simply because he can -> he learns that if he's ever sad or stressed drinking 'fixes' it -> congrats !! alcoholism achieved !! -> 'the incident on showday' takes place somewhere here

do not try this at home guys

[danikamariewrites]

sooo for that feyfey request.

everyone is living back in that cottage. fey is fucking that guy. but theres this woman, who is like a neighbour. she always sees fey and has a crush on her, but isaac (i think thats what his name is?) is keeping fey busy

one day, reader gathers the courage to flirt with fey

then slowly, the become friends and some time later, when fey is eating dinner with reader, reader crawls up onto the desk sensually and is being all hot and sexy

fey realises for the first time she likes this woman. its soo taboo but fey wants this

so she lets reader show her all the good stuff 😏

and then in the end its a lil fluff but they both know this wont progress further most probably 😔

(absolute filth plis im so thirsty for mommy feyre 😩😩😩(i also dont mind if its porn without plot i just need som filth 🥲))

When She Loved Me

Feyre x reader

A/n: This was the best Feyre ask I think I’ve ever received and I had to write it. I also added an epilogue-esqu ending and it’s kinda sad so I’m sorry for that but I couldn’t resist.

Warnings: oral, fingering, tribbing, angst at the end (also not fully proof read)

You rushed around the house making sure everything was perfect for when Feyre arrives. Dinner was in the oven, the living room was fully of cozy blankets, and you had turned the lights down to achieve the perfect ambiance.

The two of you met in town months ago. At first you had just waved and passed each other while you were running errands and she was trading pelts from animals she hunted. One wintery afternoon you got up the courage to finally introduce yourself.

The blue of her eyes had taken your breath away. When her rough exterior melted away and she gave you a genuine smile you couldn’t help but get lost in dreams of a future with her. Where that smile was never dulled by her hunting or family.

Tonight was the first time Feyre was coming over to hang out. You had only ever hung around in town together but you wanted one on one time away from prying, judgmental eyes. The nature of your relationship had been a little more than friendly. Sure you flirted, not thinking anything of it. Feyre had told you about her and Isaac. How he was just someone to relieve stress and blow off steam with.

The relief you felt when Feyre had said that was like a weight lifting off your chest. Since she had said that you had turned your flirtatious advances up hoping she would reciprocate. When Feyre did you were rendered speechless. The giggle that sounded from her was angelic.

A light knock on the front door had you squealing with excitement. Rushing through the house you skid to a stop, careful not to fling yourself into the door. Opening the door you’ve never seen Feyre look so happy. “Hi,” you breathed. “Hi.” Her voice light and happy. Stepping to the side you wave her in.

She looks around curiously. Her eyes wide as she shrugged her jacket off. “Your home is lovely.” You take her jacket to hang up. Gosh, how did this thing keep her warm out in the woods? The fabric was barely held together by the leather straps Elain had sewed in for her.

“Thank you. My mother has quite the eye for interior design. You should see her and my father’s room.” You joke. Feyre gives you a sad smile. As if she was remembering her old house. Guilt had your face heating. Feyre grabbed your hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Dinner smells wonderful.” She says, that happiness back in her voice.

You perked up at the mention of the meal in the oven. “You’re going to love it. Come,” you pull her along to the kitchen. As you ate the conversation went to weird childhood stories and Feyre’s hunting adventures. After dinner you switched to the living room, curling up in the blankets on the couch and enjoying the brownies you baked.

As the night went on your stares lingered on each other. Eyes wandering what could be seen of the others form. With each tick of the clock the two of you inched closer and closer until your thighs were touching. At the first touch you jumped a little. Only relaxing when Feyre holds your hand again.

When the clock struck midnight Feyre was lying on your chest. You absentmindedly twirled her sandy locks between your fingers. You fall into a comfortable silence just enjoying each other’s comfort. Not thinking before moving, you lean forward pressing a kiss to the top of Feyre’s head.

Shock took over as she popped her head up, eyes wide. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know-’’ Feyre surged forward, connecting her lips to yours, effectively stopping your rambling. Your fingers go back to those sandy locks, keeping Feyre’s lips attached to yours.

The kiss was all want, need and a fight for dominance that you were determined to win. You wrap an arm around her waist, pulling Feyre up, flipping her to lay on the couch. Feyre’s breath hitches, her fingers digging into your scalp. You detach your lips from her, nudging your nose against her perfect button one.

Holding yourself back was becoming impossible. You need Feyre like you need to breathe. Every part of her is perfect and you were desperate to explore her.

You were both breathing heavily. Feyre lifts her head to peck your lips before dropping back against the couch cushion. “Do you want to keep going?” You asked, hopeful her answer would be a resounding fuck yes.

Feyre nodded vigorously. Her blue eyes glazing over with lust, “I want you, y/n.” Your lips break out into a wide smile. Climbing off of the couch you grab her delicate hand, pulling her to follow you to your bedroom. Slamming your door you turn to find Feyre laid out on your bed, only in her underthings, smirking at you seductively. In a swift motion you slip your dress off, leaving it in a puddle on the floor as you bound toward Feyre.

She lets out a giggle, the sound so sweet it almost stops you completely. It has your cheeks flushing as you straddle her hips. Feyre rests her hands on your hips, gently running them up and down your sides, reveling in the smoothness of your skin. Something flashed in her eyes, making her look anywhere but you.

“Hey,” you say softly, bringing your hand to rest on her cheek. “What’s wrong, Fey?” She squeezes your hips gently before looking into your eyes. “I just…I’ve never been with a girl before and I like you, I just don’t want to, ya know,” she rambles. You tilt your head in curiosity. “Fey it’s ok. We’ll take it slow, you just relax. I got you.” You smirk at her, leaning down to place soft, open mouthed kisses down her neck.

Moving down her body you undo the band around her breasts, stopping at the top of her underwear. You look at her through your lashes, finding her face flush, eyes half closed and lips parted. You rub her clothed cunt, making her wet spot grow with each circular motion. Feyre lets out a soft moan as you kiss up her thighs. “Please y/n, I need more, need your mouth.” She begs, throwing her head back against the pillows.

Sitting up on your knees you remove the band from your own breasts, reaching to pull Feyre’s panties agonizingly slow down her legs. Wasting no time you dive into Feyre’s dripping core, lapping at her arousal. Feyre moans out your name, gripping the sheets, her hips squirming against your face.

Capturing her clit in your mouth you let out a hum. Your eyes roll back at the taste of her plus those sweet, sweet sounds falling from her lips. “More,” she begs, “please more. Your fingers p-please.” Feyre struggles to get out. Bringing your finger to her hole you slowly work her open. “Tell me, was Issac this good with his mouth?” You ask with a teasing smirk against her pussy. She shakes her head, “N-no. Fuck no, you’re so much better y/n.”

You go back to sucking her clit, slipping another finger into her pussy. You know you hit that sweet spot (one that Issac clearly never hit) by the way she clenched around your fingers as you curled them. Feyre’s screams became louder and louder with each motion. “Come on Fey, let go.” You urge her. Arching her back Feyre falls apart on your fingers, one of her thighs trembling. Removing your fingers you lap up her release, the sweet taste of her intoxicating.

Sitting up on your knees you run your hands in a soothing motion up and down her thighs. Feyre went limp against the sheets, her chest heaving as she collected herself. Spreading her legs Feyre lets out a small laugh, “Good. I wasn’t done yet.” You laugh at her breathlessness. Throwing one leg over her hips you rest your pussy against hers, lightly rocking back and forth.

Feyre throws her head back again, leaving her neck exposed to you. You picked up the pace of your hips, leaning down to suck and nip at her the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Feyre brings her hands up to your breasts. Running her thumbs over your peaked nipples you moan against her skin at the contact.

Neither of you lasted long. Feyre’s hands felt too good, too skilled. Sharing a pillow she played with your hair as your eyes fluttered at the feeling and softness. You could get used to this. The softness of Feyre, taking care of her, having her in your arms every night. But that was a dangerous way of thinking. Maybe if everything worked out with her sisters marrying, then maybe she could be yours.

———

After that night with Feyre there were only a few more until you stopped seeing her. You had been holding back your feelings, hoping to bring it up while holding her to your chest. It had been a while since you’d been past her family’s cottage, or into town for that matter. Feyre would usually knock on your door asking you to accompany her but hadn’t in weeks.

Donning your cloak and winter boots you head out. Passing through town you heard whispers of the Archeron family name. “His boats were found.” “No, I think a beast did that. No winter winds have ever been that strong,” “I wonder when the middle one will throw a party.” “The aunt is sick I believe.”

All of these pieces yet nothing whole. The gossip made your heart pound. Picking up the pace you start running to the Archeron cottage.

Finally stopping in front of it you feel your heart stop. Your eyes wide taking in the darkness inside and the broken front door. Stepping closer you saw claw marks in the rotting wood. You stopped breathing. What the hell happened here?

“Are you looking for the Archeron’s?” You jump at the voice behind you. You turn to face the stranger, hand over your now rapidly beating heart. Clearing your throat you answer, “Yes, do you know where they are?” “Yeah, new fancy manor-lookin’ place on the other side of town.” You nod in thanks rushing off, knowing exactly where to go.

Politely knocking on the massive front door you step back and wait, twisting your gloved fingers nervously. Elain answered with a bright smile. Her eyes lit up with recognition at seeing your face. “Y/n! What a lovely surprise.” She said cheerily. “Hi, Elain. Is Feyre around?” You ask peeking over her shoulder. Elain’s face fell a little. “Oh, no, I’m so sorry. She’s visiting our aunt. She’s very ill right now so Feyre is helping around her house for a bit. I can’t believe she didn’t tell you.” She says with an air of curiosity, tilting her head a little to the left much like Feyre did when you rambled.

Tears stung your eyes at the familiar movement. You quickly blink them away, not wanting Elain to feel pity for you. “Oh, well I’m sorry about your aunt, I hope she gets better soon. Would you mind umm…when Feyre gets back will you tell her I want to see her?” “Of course!” You nod in thanks and turn to leave. Left with an empty feeling in your heart you let your tears flow freely once you’re back on the street. Why wouldn’t she tell you?