#but i now realize the 'context' was all bullshit and i should not have been trying to protect someone who didnt even care enough to listen

[badcountryofficial]

Like it was never about me or what was best for me...I have to laugh because of how absolutely ABSURD it is

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for exposing my sister-in-law's secret during a fight?

Ok, this one is going to need a bunch of context.

I (29F) started to date my fiance F (31M) when I was 26. While he is the sweetest person ever, his family is a bit difficult and it was hard for me to fit in. They are a very traditional family of Japanese descent, very rich too, and his mother MIL (60sF) had a dream of seeing all of her three sons married to other rich girls of Japanese descent. I am white and from very humble origins, so I was not very well accepted at first. The thing that bothered me the most was the constant comparisons to my brother in law BIL's (34M) wife SIL (33F), who is rich and of Japanese descent. I was deeply in love with F and decided to fight for my place in his family; I started to take Japanese classes and ended up really good at it, and I was also the one who took care of MIL after her appendicitis' surgery. She recognized my hard work and we became closer and closer, at the same time she realized SIL didn't make the same effort for her and the family as I do, and she started to be very vocal about how I was her favorite daughter in law and how SIL should do better and try to be more like me. Suddenly, the tables have turned and SIL was the one being compared to me, no the other way around.

Of course she didn't like that at all and started to antagonize me and criticize every small thing about me. She would complain my dog would bark too much (which she did, but SIL was a little mean about it), and when my dog died, she made a comment about how finally she wouldn't have to hear her barking anymore (that stung a lot since I loved my dog with all my heart and she was like a baby to me), she would also complain about my apartment every time she visited me, saying it was too cheap (as I said, I come from humble origins) and her newest topic of complaining are my earrings: I like to wear cute and funny earrings (only at work and family gatherings, I don't wear them at social events or anything like that) and she always talks about how I'm too old to wear them and how tacky it looks. F and I noticed she's been progressively meaner the closer we get to our wedding (three months from now) and think she's trying to scare me away before I become an official part of the family.

One last piece of context: some months ago, F told me in confidence about how 6 years ago SIL's brother and sister in law died in a car accident and left an orphaned boy of 4 years old. SIL was the little boy's only family, but she refused to take him in saying she already had too much work with her own son (who was also 4 at the time). That didn't go well with the family; MIL and my father in law (who was alive at the time) assured her they would help with the kid and she would have all the support, but she simply didn't want the boy, so he was sent to the system. That was something MIL never forgave her for, since family is everything to her, and it was something only MIL, BIL, SIL, F and his younger brother knew. He told me that in confidence and asked me to not tell anyone. I promised I wouldn't.

Now for the actual situation.

Our last family dinner was one of F's cousins' birthday, so all the extended family was around. No kidding, I think there were around 60 people there or more. SIL, once again, decided to mock me about my earrings (little cherry earrings, very cute) and talked again how I was to old to wear them, how they were kid earrings etc. I've been tolerating her bullshit for so long now and after her comments about my dog's death, I was more sensitive than usual, so I snapped back and said that it's not because she dresses herself like an old lady that I have to do the same. She got angry at that and a proper fight started; we saying worse and worse stuff to each other while everyone stopped to watch. It ended up with her mocking my upbringing and calling me a gold digger, accusing my of only being with F for his money. That really struck a nerve because I heard that before at the beginning of our relationship and it always hurt my feelings, since I genuinely love F. Before I could even think about it, I said: "At least I'm not a heartless bitch like you. How's your nephew doing, by the way? Oh, you have no idea, right? Since you put him in a fucking orphanage!"

She got speechless after that and left the place, went straight to her car with BIL and went home. I didn't hear from her or him since them. F is furious with me since he told me that in confidence and now all the extended family knows SIL's secret. MIL doesn't care at all; she never got over what SIL did to that little boy and it's been a while since SIL isn't in her best graces.

Now that I'm calmer I feel a little guilty for exposing SIL like that, but she was always so awful to me that I can't really feel that bad. Mostly, I feel bad for BIL, with who I always had a good relationship and even defended me back in the day when the family didn't accept me very well. Now he's not talking to me either and, as far as I know, he's also not talking to F.

So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 7 thoughts, feelings, etc

ALRIGHT i ran my errands, caught up on pit babe and playboyy to relax, and now i'm doing my speedwatch. i took some notes while watching the first time and they're a fucking MESS but hopefully they help me remember everything i want to comment on because without fail i always forget something.

you'll all be glad to know this week's meta bullshit from me is far, far less romantic and wistful than last weeks. you've all been spared by my adhd brain not being able to piece together a single poetic thought.

i kind of knew from this moment the trajectory the episode would take. Day is clearly nervous but not defensive - this isn't out of the realm of something Mhok would do for him but with recent context it probably feels fairly intimate. i think this was a really good indicator of what we're in for.

there's a collection of sunflowers in Day's room, tucked away in the corner, not unlike Mhok tucking away his feelings for Day's comfort. the poor things are shrouded in shadow, away from the light. the pain is unending and forever.

Day's flashback to the kiss has me curious. his eyes are closed so he's not even thinking back to seeing what he can of Mhok up close. as he reminisces about this kiss is he simply remembering the sensation of Mhok's lips on his own? how his hands curled into Mhok's jacket? and i'm sure we've all seen the post but - was he thinking of the way Mhok tasted like cigarettes? this isn't to romanticize his disability, i'm just genuinely wondering what exactly he's drawing on here in this moment, because it's clearly something significant to him.

Porjai just keeps getting prettier every episode and it's making me insane. i just think i should be allowed to take care of her.

"I'm jealous of Day's ability to make you smile."

this makes me think Mhok's smiles have been few and far between, and maybe Porjai has been looking to bring out that smile for a long time. does she ever worry that maybe someday Mhok could end up like Rung? does she worry about finding him too?

oh i so very badly want the context for this, i want to know everything. but also, it's really not that surprising. not when we've seen the things Mhok has done for Day. Mhok lives his life in extremes; anger, kindness, protectiveness, his work, etc. everything Mhok does he puts his whole self into it and it's nice to see his love is no different, because why would it be?

i'm once again in awe of what P'Aof has done with Mhok and Porjai, though. they live together so easily and naturally. there's nothing strange or awkward about it, just two people surviving life together. it's such a breath of fresh air.

Day just cannot catch a break when it comes to August. this has to hurt so fucking badly, the pity has to feel amplified by 1000. not only was August trying to force himself to like Day back because he's blind, but also because he was thinking of leaving. Day is a stronger man than me because i would be frothing at the mouth pissed.

but once again, Mhok doesn't let Day stew in his fish tank. he encourages him to go out and resolve his feelings, even if that means screaming at August and letting out all his hurt and frustration. he's seen what happens when Day lets his hurt fester and he won't let it happen again, not while he's around.

"He's a lot stronger than I thought. It's me who's so weak that I let him down."

as much as August pisses me off, i do think this is him realizing his pity was misplaced, and he failed Day in that way, so he gets some redemption points here. (still think he's a stinky bastard man tho)

the immediate distance Mhok puts between himself and the group never fails to hurt my heart. i get it, he's there for a job, but their relationship has progressed past that - now even moreso, and i cant help but wonder if this is his attempt at keeping a distance, curbing his expectations, reminding himself that while his role is to be by Day's side it's only in a professional capacity.

i love that Gee acknowledges him with a little head nod, occasionally looks in Mhok's direction as if to include him, she's just - ugh - i love all the women in this show so fucking much. i just wish someone would invite Mhok over sometime, encourage him to join the conversation (like they did back at the party.)

sometimes Mhok really is the embodiment of a shadow - both of Day and of his former self (for good or bad.)

(he looks so fucking sexy leaning like that with his shirt tucked into his pants tho, whew.)

Gee also becomes one of my favorite people for asking Day to take the photo of all of them. she just gets it, she includes him, she doesn't act like he can't do things, she even insists he can, she's just !!! the women of all time in this show i swear!!! I LOVE WOMEN!!!!

also the "you don't drink coffee, girl spill the tea" from Gee is just so good. she knows a diversion tactic when she sees one.

i want this expression framed, she's so cute, HELP.

i wish i had the time and energy today to make gifs for this week but ugh. the journey Mhok's face went on here to end up at quiet resignation. because he did figure. someone like Day? with someone like him? because we know Mhok's opinion of himself isn't great, largely influenced by his incarceration and reintegration into society, i'm sure, along with his guilt. but there had been that little bud of hope, a little sunflower seed that had bloomed just a little too far, reached for the sun a little too much. it must feel like a weed in his chest.

the way Day says 'here' so softly, with so much vulnerability made me feel like screaming. he doesn't know what his feelings are for Mhok yet (you can't tell me he doesn't feel anything) but he knows he doesn't want to lose Mhok and the sudden idea of it is terrifying. Mhok is the only person that really understands him, one of the only people he's comfortable around anymore, and he can't lose that. he doesn't want to go back to the dirty fish tank.

i also think this was an indicator to Mhok that maybe Day doesn't know how he feels, and maybe he can get away with flirting in tiny, subtle ways because from here on his secret flirting game is in full effect and it's so fucking cute. he's careful not to completely push past Day boundaries, but to test them in gentle ways.

THE SHOES MY BELOVEDS. we all know what i feel about these shoes after last week and i'm so glad to see all of my stupid babbling confirmed here. i love that Mhok constantly mends things instead of throwing them away. the sentimentality of items means something to Mhok and we love him for that.

we also got a proper 'sweet dreams' this episode, finally!! thank you subbers!

so many shots of feet this ep tho and lemme tell you as someone that HATES feet, this was rough.

oh you are so smitten. Day realizing Mhok is warm, warm in his own way, warm in such a gentle and understated way. UGH. you would've thought he knew after everything they've been through but sometimes people need a reminder and maybe something to drive them to pay closer attention. our boy is BESOTTED. kicking his feet and giggling. i think this is the happiest we've ever seen him.

so here's where i'm probably going to wax poetic the most. Mhok is finally opening up to Day in such an incredible way. he brings Day to his home with no fear of pity or judgement. he brings him into this sanctuary created by him, his sister, and Porjai and he cooks for him and cares for him and in letting him in Day sees even more how impossibly warm Mhok is.

what's even greater is there isn't a single moment where Day is jealous or questions Porjai being there. Mhok has told him she's expecting and he's never weird about it, just kind and understanding and it's all so normalized, it's fucking beautiful. Day even takes the time to encourage Porjai, to share about his mom, and about the strength it takes to be a single mom. P'Aof i adore you.

Mhok has planted jasmine simply because he knows Day likes it, and maybe now he likes it too. and he brings Last Twilight home to practice reading (i'd always wondered how he managed to read without stumbling over himself lmao) and he's done it so much that now Porjai wants to name their child Mee, wants to create this connection to Day forever.

and once prompted, once Day knows enough to ask, Mhok opens up about Rung, talks about her more. Day comments on the warmth of the house, something started by Rung and cultivated by Mhok. it would be so easy for the house to feel cold and clinical, especially knowing what happened here, but Mhok has kept it a home - warm, inviting, comforting - all the things Mhok has been to Day.

the noises took me by fuckin' surprise tho, i genuinely looked around my house like who the fuck is making all that noise and then i was like OH THOSE ARE-- OKAY--

and I know people are like haha P'Aof has a scent kink but like. idk. maybe it's just me but scents are something i'm drawn to. i remember the way someone smelled more than i remember their face. i recently took a shirt out of my closet and immediately started crying. it smelled like face powder and perfume. it smelled like my grandma. the leather jacket pushed to the side smells like cigarettes and horses, like my dad always did.

scent is such an ingrained memory, something that is so hard for our brains to let go of. every time i get a familiar smell it knocks me on my ass, and i'm so glad to see some of this represented in these shows.

this absolutely warmed my heart. whatever is going on with Night and Day is clearly more on Day's side than anything else. Night clearly loves his brother and i'm just fucking DYING to know what is going on that is causing Day to drive a wedge between them. sure, Night hasn't been perfect, but there's love there and that counts for so much.

and what exactly are you doing here??? this is a charity run for blindness - does he know someone that is blind other than Day? did meeting Day inspire him to participate? has he spent time talking to Mhok about Day and maybe the difficulties of his blindness? i am filled with questions but i love this character so much, he's just so kind.

Day's hesitation to cross the finish line was also something i found so interesting. it felt long, possibly too drawn out, but Day needed to think, needed time to understand that if he crosses that finish line, if he accepts Mhok's request to be his boyfriend, their lives will never go back to how they were. things between them will change forever, whether the relationship is a success or otherwise. it's an incredibly mature thing of Day to do, even if it felt a little lengthy for us, the audience.

i strongly believe that in addition to Mhok Porjai is going to be a big driving force in Night and Day's reconciliation. i would love to see Porjai gain Night's side of the story, Mhok gain Day's side of the story, and the two of them working together to see how they can reunite these brothers.

also if i had a nickle for every time P'Aof paired Mark with a pregnant woman in his shows i'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's interesting it has happened twice.

while i, like everyone else, hope the mock proposal is a parallel we get to see later i want to focus more on this moment.

i forget who said it, it's long gone to the depths of my dash by now, but someone commented that disabilities do not stop for love, and fuck is that so true. i love Mhok's concern, his immediate reaction to soothe, and the way he seems to feel Day's fear as his own. and poor Day, he can't even enjoy this moment of bliss with Mhok because of course, of course something like this had to happen. it's so fucking real in the way Last Twilight has been this entire time.

the constant excellent representation of disabled living has been incredible to see, i've seen so much of myself in this show (even though my disability is so very different) and it's been like a warm blanket put over very single comment: you're too young to be disabled, you aren't THAT disabled, you're being dramatic, etc.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you P'Aof and team.

tag loves: @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious (as always tell me if you want to be added {for LT only or all meta} or removed!)

[dukeofdelirium]

In complete honesty, I kind of wish that Stranger Things would have just been two high quality seasons. They should have let El die in S1, and then focused on Mike, Will, and the origins of the Upside Down in S2. At this point, the story has been dragged on for so long, and, if S5 fails to recontextualize a lot of things from S3 and S4, there was a lot of unnecessary filler that just weighed the entire show down.

I agree with this pretty heavily. It’s obvious that they dragged storylines out and didn’t have everything completely plotted by how dysfunctional s3 and 4 are in comparison with s1 and 2. It almost feels like two completely different shows. When s3 first aired, I almost didn’t finish it because I hated it that much. S4 was pretty similar tbh… the NINA plotline and the Russian shit was so terrible that me and my sister debated skipping the scenes I’m not even kidding lol. Literally the only thing that kept us watching vol 2 was any crumb of Mike and Will scenes and then seeing what happened with Max. That was fr it. The second we finished vol 2 we immediately turned off the tv and then started shit talking it 😂 we were NOT impressed lol.

The Russian plot was dumb as fuck in s3, and it was even worse in s4. Literally the dumbest thing this show ever tried to pull and comes across as more unbelievable than inter-dimensional monsters lol. Idgaf about the Russian fuckery. It’s fucking stupid as hell and I can feel myself losing braincells in real time whenever I have to rewatch scenes of it. Idgaf about the NINA bullshit, when the hell are we gonna move on from this dumb lab/rainbow room/Papa nonsense and get to shit that really matters?

The whole Russian thing is actually what makes the Hawkins lab and stuff dumb lol bc it went from the American gov being the enemy to now suddenly it’s evil Russians like stfu get out of here with this nonsense I cantttttt

And don’t even get me started on the dumb relationship drama in s3. If I wanted to watch a show about middle schoolers making out I wouldn’t be looking for it in stranger things, that’s first of all. Second of all, none of this has any depth and the only reason it matters in any context is to develop Byler and their rain scene is one of the only memorable scenes of the season. Idgaf about hopper and Joyce acting like 12 year olds. Idgaf about Billy’s wack ass redemption. Idgaf that El raises her hand and screams for the billionth time or that she loses her powers cuz guess what… she gets them back. *pretends to be shocked*

Fr, s5 has to recontextualize multiple seasons or else this show will have been a huge disappointment. S4 was ok. But as I said, that’s all it was. Okay. Not great. Not even necessarily good. Just meh. The only good parts were the Hawkins group with Max (she was the best part of the season) and then Mike and Will’s scenes. That’s literally it lmao. The Russian plot? Dumb. El and the NINA shit? Dumb. Yawn, don’t care. Let me spend time with characters I care about please and thank you.

I long for the return of s2 quality….. when Mike realizes Will is compromised and that he’s the spy and Will sends all those soldiers to their gruesome deaths…. come on that was peak cinema. Bring it back. I miss it…. we were a country once

[madschiavelique]

If Miguel got a partner do you think he’ll neglect them because of the multiverse work? What if them dying is a canon event!? :o

Okay so I think there are a few possibilities (in all objectivity at least i think) that this would go :

The possibility off him actually neglecting his partner is indeed strong, because I think that Miguel is giving this sentence : “A hero will sacrifice you to save the world, a villain will sacrifice the world to save you” (which is a sentence I deeply love ‘cause I’m all in for villains, although in this context Miguel would appear more as the hero of course.)

He might’ve been hesitant at first of being in a relationship, because he thought it might slow him down in his works or impeach him of advancing properly. I also feel like his partner is someone related to his work, as in it’s thanks to it that he met them and got with them. But the other way is still possible, his partner might not be related to his work at all although I feel like because of his workaholic behaviour meeting new people outside of work would be limited.

The start of the relationship would be sweet, he’ll be in the first weeks of love and try to make it work, but as time goes he’ll go back to his work more and more. He’ll pass on diner dates, he’ll pass on movie nights, he will also probably forget about a little something his partner would’ve planned to spend with him. He cannot count the times he came back home to them sleeping on the couch waiting for him.

And because of this rhythm, his partner might probably leave him and in this case I think it can go both ways : he realizes how he has neglected his partner and they discuss about it like adults to come up with solutions to balance private life and work, or he is indeed torn by the separation but feels less guilty now of having to work for a relationship that he cannot handle outside from work because of his obsession for it.

On the other hand :

I feel like this man has lost so much already that he’ll do anything to keep his partner by his side. He’ll buy them little gifts and send them when he’s working longer for a night, he’ll probably invite his partner to come to his work office so that he can spend time with them and see them while still working, he’ll cherish every single moment he can have with them because he thinks this is it, this will be his last partner for the rest of his life that he will love till his last dying breath.

(Now I’m not saying that he will have yandere tendencies because he wants to keep them at his sides at all costs, but I am saying that he’ll go wherever they go, need his partner to send him messages of whatever they’re doing at all times, and make sure he has a tracker in their phone to know where they are at all times.)

He is protective, he doesn’t want his partner to leave because they are the only one remaining that he loves and that loves them back.

If his partner dies in a canon event :

I feel like it would either be back to case one and getting over it by reinforcing all of his work, or it will be the moment he gets a click of how he lost so much time trying to create a perfect organization for it to lead to the death of the person he loved the most and pull himself together to cut the bullshit.

Maybe it’s time for him to realize the hard truth that sometimes you can’t save everyone, even the ones you love the most. So maybe this time he should try saving himself.

[isdalinarhot]

on the state of kholin haterism on tumblr

this is gonna be a long one, so bear with me.

one thing i think that has changed in the tumblr fandom in the three years that ive been in it is that the culture in 2021 was ALSO at a largely anti-Kholin sentiment, but there were two key differences.

the first is that most people making critiques of such characters would use the tag #kholin critical, which was useful either if you were sensitive to criticism of one of the kholins for whatever reason AND if you wanted to read analysis of some of their faults by many different users under one tag.

the second is that said kholin critical criticisms were... less stupid? like a lot of it was talking about reddit fandom hypocrisy where dalinar was held up as righteous and badass and could do no wrong even though he had tons of personal and political faults that other characters (largely people who WERENT extremely powerful nobles) were demonized for. also a lot of stuff like "adolin is kaladins friend now but i dont think just categorizing it as simple enemies to besties is fair because adolin WAS being overtly racist to kaladin at the beginning there". a lot of discussion about how the Kholins treat darkeyes and characters of lower dahns where the bigotry there was being downplayed by fans in favor of the characters being painted both by fandom and in the universe of the books as Always Right All The Time. stuff like that.

that's not to say the whole kholin crit tag was all, like, stuff that isnt bullshit. people have been dunking on elhokar for being a whiny failking since the beginning of time. but the vibes were a lot different.

kholin critical kind of fell out of favor as a hashtag because most of us realized hey on a doylist level either the things we're criticizing the kholins for are purposeful character flaws that make for richer, more realistic, more engaging characters; or they're oversights from the moderate liberal Sanderson, in which case, why are we complaining about Dalinar doing this, when we should be complaining about Sanderson doing this. so this whole thing is stupid. and also by then the atmosphere on tumblr was way different, this was by and large the Moash Website and while people were haters about characters they did not put the hate in character tags so people largely avoided each others haterism. and there was peace for like a year and a half, i guess.

things are way different now. for context. i track the #dalinar kholin tag. so whenever my dash is dead im checking my tracked tags, and thus i see every original post about dalinar that someone decided to tag #dalinar kholin. and boy howdy, things have devolved. this used to be a chill experience for me, i'd see first time readers go OH MY GOD HE DID WHAT?????? during oathbringer and "[some philosophical shit dalinar said]" -brandon sanderson. follow for more inspiring book quotes" about three times a day, fanart once every couple weeks or so, stuff like that. but now a solid 75% of the posts in dalinars tag are like. hate. not literary criticism, but hate. sometimes about justified things, sometimes about unjustified things, but still, extremely negative.

in a bubble, that's fine. god knows ive been a hater on my blog before and ill be a hater on my blog again. and its not even like im opposed to reading well thought out criticism of my faves on any level because, like, dalinar is kind of a rat bastard! but like. listen. you don't put character hate in that character's tag. you don't do that. the people who are checking a character's tag are fans of that character and fandom is for fun. being a hater directly reaching out to the lovers for comment is rude as hell.

also a lot of the things people dislike about dalinar tie back to his neglectful fatherhood and his alcoholism which is, like, a thing i understand people would have strong negative feelings towards him for having because Neglectful Alcoholic Dad is like one of the top 10 kinds of abusive dads out there so lots of people have very visceral very personal experiences related to that. but when posting about this in any form whatsoever it feels like im having to go back to Treating Addicts Like Human Beings 101. like i feel like ive made a billion posts to the tune of "okay kids, you can do bad things while drunk and you are still responsible and you can also get drunk at inopportune times and you are still responsible, but the act of being addicted to alcohol does not make a character ontologically evil". and like thats. um. a personal thing but also oh my goodness.

i dont really have a conclusion to this. im just thinking goddamn its bleak out here right now.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I recently reblogged this thread recently and I have to say, it's mind blowing to me. This is a great thread but looking through the replies is mind numbing. Women have children. Aside from RARE exceptions this is a biological fact. The thing that causes this to happen? Sexual Intercourse. The thread is shown here:

Now. Let me start this off by saying that I don't have solid beliefs when it comes to Pro Life or Pro Choice. I really don't. I know several people I follow are pro life and would not be happy with me saying that but I mostly sit on the fence for this one. I lean more towards the Pro Life side of things but I'm honestly not 100% pro life. And I'm not good at articulating why. But that's something I personally have to live with.

However the reason I'm making this post is because of some comments I saw. Specifically from one person. Now, I didn't see the things they were replying too, but I can still approach what was said in the comments as they were statements that need no context to understand. I'll address them kind of together but also separately.

Here are the comments:

So let me make this blatantly clear. All of this is bullshit. All of it.

A fetus is a HUMAN fetus first and foremost. Meaning it is human from conception. And yes. Children have more rights than adults. Why? Because you can get charged for neglect towards a child. As well as other things. Kids have varying protections under the law that adults do not. So it's not, "More rights than a regular person". It's "More legal rights and protections than an adult."

A fetus is NOT a corpse. And even in the case of a miscarriage, there should still be a level of dignity given to the lost life.

"By allowing people to chose to terminate a pregnancy, that ensures both the parent and the child have equal human rights" No it doesn't. It means that the child has no right to life and the mother has a right to destroy said child before it is delivered. Even after said child is viable. When functionally a fetus is viable after a point in time where it can survive outside the womb. If it has to come out either way at that point, why kill it? Oh right, because you don't view it as a living human.

This here is a load of shit. Bodily autonomy stops the moment another life is added to the equation. "It means no one can use your body without your consent."

*SIGH*

YOU LITERALLY CONSENT TO THE CHANCE OF HAVING A CHILD THE MOMENT YOU DECIDE TO HAVE SEX. EVERY THING YOU DECIDE TO DO IN YOUR LIFE HAS CONSEQUENCES! IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX AND NOT HAVE KIDS GET FUCKING FIXED! And if you can't get fixed, the reason is because doctors have been SUED for letting people get fixed when they were too young to realized they'd eventually want kids. And after a LOT of legal issues most doctors will no longer fix people under a certain age without X amount of kids. Unless you opt to freeze your eggs first. However there are doctors that will still do it.

If you are so concerned, find those doctors. THEN when you decide ok now I'm ready, I hope you lose in court against the doctors or hospital you sue.

Nah. This is the sentiment of MOST pro choice advocates. It used to be "Safe, Legal, and Rare." Because back then, we understood life started at conception but very FEW exceptions were made. We did NOT call it "Just a clump of cells". We did not call it, "Just some tissue". It was, "As early as possible" "Not after a certain point" and "Put it up for adoption if you change your mind".

Now a days, it's "It's not a life at all, it's just some tissue, and it's only a baby when I PERSONALLY decide it is". <You all admitting you don't care about science or logical fact. It's human in it's developmental stages from the moment the egg is fertilized. And the only reason people DON'T want that to be the understanding is because people think it's their right to have consequence-less sex and have zero repercussions at all. It's people not wanting to take responsibility for their actions.

And here's the kicker. I have casual sex. I LOVE SEX. However, if I EVER got a girl preg and she kept it, I'd be a responsible adult and help take care of it. As the child would be half mine.

And contrary to the idea that denying a woman's ability do "Chose" is somehow, "Boiling women down to just their ability to give birth", No it's not. Not even remotely. It's just saying if you make a choice, and that choice results in a new life being created, you opted to make the choice that created it. It's not making women less than. It's holding men AND WOMEN accountable for their actions.

However, there is another element to this too. Which is another fun part of this WHOLE BS narrative. MEN are the only ones expected to have to be responsible. Both by society AND by law. They also, (in the west) do not have legal say over keeping the kid if the mother wants to get rid of it. So basically, your stance is probably, "Women should have carte blanche to have sex with NO consequences what so ever, but if the mother decides to keep her child the man has ZERO choice is if he has to pay child support in most of the western world. So again, we come back to this narrative of infantilizing women saying they can't be held to account for actions they themselves take. But others can be held to account for them.

How hard is it to stop having sex or don't have sex at all? Really though. Try being physically addicted to it to the point your mind actually gutter bombs into "It's fine I can stop living". A lot of Nymphomaniacs live that reality and often have to be on heavy medications to more or less kill their libido entirely. Except less than 5% of the world populace has that problem. It's a want that you are trying to pass off as a need.

This is an annoyed post mostly and probably moderately incoherent but honestly? This whole argument pissed me off. Women are not toddlers. Please stop pretending that being exempt from consequences is somehow "Empowering" and "A human right". It's not.

[hiroshotreplica]

im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop

anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though

i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.

i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so

i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.

i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.

but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.

no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.

the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.

could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.

i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts

[anantaru]

Hi! Long time lurker here with some words of wisdom if you will. Gonna apologize in advance if it's too cutthroat, but know it's not directed at you with malice.

It's not your responsibility to cater to every person on the internet. It's not your responsibility to curate an image that makes other people accept you. All you can do is be yourself (whether that be actually you or your internet persona if you have one) to the best of your abilities. At the end of the day, who gives a fuck if someone is triggered by some offhanded comment? You kinda just have to think, "Sorry you experienced some unpleasant things, but I don't know you or your history."

Not your monkey, not your circus.

The issue with the internet today is that too many people are so fucking sensitive about context and self-imposed perceptions. Too many people have a victim complex with a snowflake mentality and it makes me want to blow my brains out everytime someone has a freaking melt down over something so little and once again self-perceived. To be honest, you shouldn't even have to apologize, but it's kind that you did.

From this moment onwards, I want you and anyone else who may read this to remember that it's literally not your responsibility to make anyone comfortable on your little corner of the internet. It's yours, post whatever the fuck you want. Anyone who attacks you is just a fuckin loser who can't cope with navigating life like an adult, or staying in a kids place if they're a minor.

I'm tired of seeing all this unnecessary discourse like we're a bunch of highschoolers or even worse, middle schoolers, jesus fucking christ. On that note, I hope you feel better, I'll be rooting for you from now until you decide to leave. Thanks for all of your hard work, and try not to let the bullshit bother you so much.

hello! 💕 i wasn't planning on answering any asks regarding this situation anymore but this ask really woke me up. i for one, totally agree with you and i have always had this mindset as well, like there's been plenty of times where i would scroll through social media and something would catch me off guard or even trigger me (which happens so rarely), but honestly guys, i don't care when this happens lmao, i just kept scrolling and forget about it in two minutes like i have so much on my mind in real life with my profession, i do not need something online to force itself into my peace and it's the internet, you will stumble upon something that might upset you.

I believe if you are on any social media site, you cannot expect everything to go according to plan, even considering you take the necessary steps and block certain tags (for example on tumblr) it can very much happen that you will still be exposed to it. at some point you have to realize that this world is not accustomed to you, nothing is, wether in real life nor online, you have to accept that there will always be different views and opinions that will piss you off or not align with you, make you mad or sad, but what you should never do in this situation is send hate or make it seem like a person is this awful individual.

you are not a good person if you bully people, and even if you show us all the awful things you had to go through in your real life, it is not an apology to bully people and you can attempt to make us feel bad, but i don't have sympathy for bullies, even if you were bullied yourself, especially then you should know how it feels like.

again anon, thank you so much! 💕 i was really questioning on how to behave on this blog anymore, it's a huge blog and i have found it to be a little overwhelming, but then I remember that my readers are the sweetest people out there and I know I have the best little corner on the internet here, with them by my side 💕 you really brought me back to reality, thank you nonnie.

[messier-47]

A study on Ethan Winters because Resident Evil's got me in a chokehold and bruh he's so fucked? I love him?

But also this is MAJOR "taking liberty" of a fictional character cause no chill. Warning: this is....long post, a character study

RE7, RE8

So admittingly I was tempted to write RE fanfic cause brain go brrrrrr at thought of spookiness but ultimately didn't however if I don't bleed out these thoughts and feelings about RE and Ethan Winters it's gonna fester.

First off, does anyone else think RE7 and RE8 have two different versions of Ethan? Which...could be excusable seeing as how there's a three year time gap and emotional stage difference, or it could be just "Ethan was always a [blank-slate] character and thus prime for storyline manipulation". RE8 we're given the desperate father ripping apart the world to get to his daughter, scrambling for a handhold against monsters and completely out of his league of bullshit. Whereas RE7 Ethan is so much more fascinating.

RE7 Ethan is my favorite.

Okay, so I watched RE7 gameplay with the intention of taking notes about his character and personality traits and HOOBOY is he an interesting character! So in the beginning we get so much context if you really stop to think about it. First, Mia's ID is a Texas one which means by the time she went missing 3 years ago, she was registered as a Texas resident and probably alongside her husband Ethan. (which i know about the "he's a systems engineer from LA" databook thing but he could both be a systems engineer from LA and be a Texas resident)

Now this bit i think is a little more...take with a grain of salt cause it's not verified but also; Ethan has always been "the ordinary man". so what would an ordinary man do when his wife goes missing around the same time there's a fucking HURRICANE in the gulf of mexico? He'd report it! Missing person's report! cause he's not a psycho with something to hide! His wife is missing! she was babysitting some rich brat along the coastline and he'd lost all contact after the Hurricane hit Louisiana! if her body were to wash up, the boat she was found, anything having to do with her disappearance, there'd already be a papertrail of proper protocol without the question "Why didn't you report her missing?"

So Texas may be different? idk, I think I heard something somewhere "after two years, a missing person's case is closed and legally declared dead" or something. maybe that's why ETHAN WINTERS GOES TO LOUISIANA ALONE TO FIND HIS PRESUMINGLY DEAD WIFE.

the "maybe this is all a prank" comment I'm willfully ignoring cause wtf Ethan what about the relationship with your wife made it okay to disappear for three years all for an elaborate ruse? Except somehow the "it's just a prank" is probably what pushed him beyond the limits of rationality. Abandoned van outside the house with "accept her gift"? obvious a mystery treasure hunt. Weird carcass effigy? gross and wow this prank is getting fancy. dilapidated house full of rot and rank? nice movie set bro, where are the cameras? especially with all the "fabricated" evidence of twenty people having gone missing around here and oh wow a convenient VHS about "paranormal investigators" to show where the secret chambers are. but goddamn his mental fortitude is strong to be able to jump in putrid basement water to go find his wife. dead corpse rising out of the waters and he just presses on, probably thinking it was fake or something.

Okay so then we meet Mia and Ethan's slow realization that this is totally NOT A PRANK cause of evil possession or whatever (honestly RE7 in Ethan's POV is hilarious cause he probably isn't thinking how this all ties in with bioweapons, legit thinking demons are the answer) but Ethan gets more talkative in a very interesting way; upon finding Mia, he is immediately interrogative. He's not the overly worried dad friend trying to make sure Mia is fine and that they should escape, no it's Mia who takes the lead in trying to escape cause Ethan is already "you've been missing for three years what the hell is going on?"

And...when Mia claims that she doesn't remember shit (telling the truth) Ethan doesn't believe her. He pulls away to investigate the next room over. and honestly it's understandable in his POV, even if he stops believing this is all a prank; his wife has been missing for 3 years and claims to not remember why she'd ended up here (also there's a history of Mia having lied about some pretty important details in the past?)

As we go on through the story, Ethan...personal opinion here, but he reads as pretty calloused. I know the fandom jokes/remarks about Ethan's "fuck this especially" meter throughout the games but goddamn in the beginning of RE7 his meter was already damn high. He's...bitter? prickly? i don't have the word for it, but he's definitely a man who'd gone to Louisiana to finally get some fucking answers from his wife.

You know what I found super interesting? His interaction with the sheriff. So policeman shows up in front of house Ethan is trapped in and like a regular person he goes "hey there's some crazy people here you gotta help me" and sheriff is understandably wary of the whole situation. But Ethan Winters takes a risk in manipulating the policeman to get what he wants "do you want to read about me in tomorrow's obituary or do you want to be the hero?" which is so interesting to me. Why would he use this tactic? and this is something Ethan decided to do, there's no game mechanic where the player chooses his response, this is Ethan Winters using the cop's ego to try to get immediate help.

Throughout the game, Ethan is shown to be...honestly he's damn quiet. Yeah, sure he talks and shows his personality but he keeps his cards close to the chest. All his talks with Zoe make it pretty clear that he is motivated on a singular goal and he isn't persuaded by this "we" talk Zoe keeps bringing up. Looking at fandom, I honestly thought Ethan was going to be a little more chatty and while he does have some one-liners and quips, they are not at the same level as...let's say Leon Kennedy. Also, his humor is different from Leon's. I watched RE2 and 4 and whereas Leon has a love for ironic+witty humor (also can't shut up), Ethan has more of a dry wit.

Watches older woman crawling down tunnel on four legs like a bug, "That's special."

Figures out shadow operated puzzle doors "Who builds this shit?"

manages to clear out bioweapon cesspit by himself and the professionals arrive "What took you so long?"

Hmmm, and I know fandom loves to rib about his IT guy attire throughout RE7 but have y'all noticed his fucking shoes? ankle cowboy boots. Understated, completely speaks about where he's coming from, but also fits with the "i'm modern and know software engineering" typecast. And his car? A 1971 Dodge Challenger (could be a Vanishing Point reference but honestly if it's not ment to be-) it's a retro muscle car. A classic. Our boy loves his cars and did you see how nice it was in the beginning? spic-and-span paint job with the nice interior finish, it looks like it was well taken care of and Ethan was confident enough to actually drive it out to cross-state roadtrip.

Another interesting thing that only adds to what we've already seen of him was when Zoe makes two serums, she offers both probably just to show Ethan that they were made and he takes both. Why? ...I'm not sure. If he was only grabbing for Mia, he'd just taken one and let Zoe have her own syringe. But he took both. thoughtlessness? or was it an added show of his character in COMBINATION of whatever the fuck was going on during his interaction with the sheriff? In actuality, it was probably just the videogame needing Ethan to have the two so that he can use one on Jack and he'd have the "hard" choice of choosing between Mia and Zoe. It's still a pretty interesting detail if someone would want to further look into it.

then there's the "Thanks Ethan for choosing me" "Who the hell else could I choose?" "Ethan!" which only solidifies Ethan's character for me; He's a jaded man in a desperate search of answers, not really doing all this for the heroics. makes me wonder if there had been a 3rd choice, would he have made a different one. (but i digress because that's stepping into potential shipping territory)

Ethan once again tries to get answers from Mia and when she isn't able to give anything more concrete, he just lets the silence hang. Admittingly, the silence could've been the videogame setting up for the epic reveal of the boat and mold tentacles but this is also repeated behavior. Ethan asks Mia questions twice, once in the beginning and the second time right now and when Mia claims to not remember anything/have told him everything, he distances himself. No, wait, I'm dumb, Ethan pushes for Mia to try to start remembering. Which...idk maybe I'm reading too far into this, was kinda sardonic? "I honestly don't remember." "Try." and then the silence happens...before the boat comes into view.

Sardonic isn't the right word. In my opinion, Ethan is a "quiet" man, not as outspoken as the rest of the RE cast, so it's really hard to read tone when i ain't given much to compare/contrast to. All his dialogue have a different weight because he talks so little. Compare his dialogue with Chris, Leon, Jill, anyone else within the franchise and his character is immediately drowned out by the titans of other personalities. But get him by himself? reflect on his circumstances, context, and what he does say? He's a deeply complex character, alot of his reasoning and background is hidden and left to be inferred.

He's not a "heroic" character. He's not doing all of this to defeat evil or get justice or make the world a better place. Of course he's a survivor but...he's got a "get 'er done" personality. Ethan goes to Louisiana for answers. The truth as he told Mia multiple times. If he has to go fight a family with a bad case of swamp fever to get those answers then so be it.

Headcanon time: I honestly think Ethan is a born and bred Texan. He might have gone to LA to get his degree and a job as a systems engineer (which may explain how he knew how to build a flamethrower) but there is something about Ethan that is more than just "he now lives in Texas so he wears cowboy ankle boots and drives a muscle car". it's the "get 'er done" attitude. Maybe part of the reason why he's so mentally resilient when faced with horror is because of this cultural mental state of "get 'er done". Also explains how he's so adept with a wide range of guns.

And...wow this has grown awefully long and I haven't even gotten started on RE8 Ethan Winters character study yet so lemme make a second post.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for leading a guy on an low-key manipulating his feelings? (🐺 so i can find it later)

trigger warnings for mental health issues, family death, and suicide mentions.

title is kiiinda dramatic, i know. and i should be clear that i know that what i did was definitely wrong to a degree, but idk how messed up it was.

for context: i (19 f) was freshly seventeen and had just returned to in person school for my senior year after doing my junior year online at home. the majority of my best and only friend had forgotten me almost entirely and abandoned me despite our texting throughout my online year. new social circles had formed in my absence and i had a very difficult time readjusting, especially because i had come out of isolation with worsened anxiety, depression, and lowkey suicidal idealization. to top it all off, my grandfather who i adored had just died. i was desperately lonely and at the lowest i had ever been mentally in my entire life. i say this all not to excuse my actions but to provide some context as to why i acted the way i did.

so i meet this guy (i think like 15-16?) who we'll call finn. finn is a year below me but we share an elective class. we were initially drawn to each other bc we were both the only alt/geeky kids in the room and hit it off really well. and at first things are going pretty good; we eat lunch together every day, share music, talk about our interests etc. normal friend stuff.

but here's the part where i'm probably ta: finn had told me earlier on that he's the type to catch feelings super easy, so i guess i should've expected it, but he tells me that he has a crush on me. not directly though--he starts talking about this girl that he has feelings for but doesn't have the courage to confess to. and the first time he brought it up i didn't realize it was me and ofc tried to hype him up so he could confess and all that. but by the second conversation we have about it, it dawns on me that he's definitely talking about me. and i'm like "ah fuck," because the last person i wanted it to be was me--i'm mostly into girls, and also saw finn as a little brother more than anything else. but i keep hyping him up anyways saying stuff like "oh c'mon the worst she can do is say no! and even then you can at least move on with closure!"

so he takes my advice and confesses to me over text. i turn him down as politely as i can. which is where this whole thing should've ended tbh. but it didn't. his confession (even though it was over text) really endeared me and made me feel appreciated and beautiful in a way i never had been before. i'm not conventionally attractive + a plus size girl, and had never had anyone confess to me before, let alone say something as sincere and sweet as finn did to me. i was always the girl guys dared each other to ask out as a joke, yknow? it felt nice to know that someone saw me as desirable. again, this doesn't excuse my actions or justify them. just context.

so i decide that even though i know i'm not going to pursue anything with finn, i don't want him to lose interest in me either. so i start acting like i might be into him. tell him certain outfits make him look cute, go on and on about how much i love his hair (he really did have nice hair tbh), lean in a little closer when we talked, and constantly reassure him that he'd get a gf soon because good-looking, sweet and funny guys like him don't stay single for long.

he definitely notices bc he (again over text) asks if it's ok to be more physical when we interact. like can he hold my hand if we walk down the hall or whatever. this is definitely where i should've stopped, but i didn't. i kept up the pseudo-flirting bullshit.

and then he confesses (you guessed it! over text) for a second time, insisting that he really thinks that i like him back now. i tell him i don't know what he's talking about but that i'm happy to keep being friends with him. again, i don't stop the flirting-that's-not-quite-flirting.

this continues all the way until the end of the year. he tells me before i graduate that he really cares for me and doesn't want to lose touch after i leave. i promise him we won't. at this point i'd realized the gravity of my actions and had come to regret the way i treated finn, and decided the best course of action was to let our friendship fizzle out after i graduate. so i stop responding as frequently to him, he eventually stops reaching out until finally we lost contact and i delete his number.

i know that what happened was kinda fucked up, but how bad of a fuck up was this tumblr?

(secondary question: is this something that would've had a lasting impact on him and his view of relationships? i hope it isn't. i hope he forgot about me quickly. i hope he's doing better and has found someone who actually likes him.)

What are these acronyms?

[sunflowersteves]

I did a lot of reflecting with myself and my very wonderful and lovely mutuals on an anon I received about confusion on my fic.

And I just wanna say, first, that my response was a very nice one, and also me defending some of the choices that I made (again, v nicely). But I realized after thinking about it that the reason I responded in the first place was that I felt as though it was my fault. The entire tone of the ask felt extremely accusatory, and not once asked kindly for any help.

No author should be torn down and ridiculed from your own confusion. Even if we look past the blatantly rude and entitled tone, the anon didn’t say hi, didn’t ask for any clarification, didn’t point to any specific passages or quotes, and didn’t ask if they could send me a dm. They didn’t give me anything to work with.

They just ridiculed me. They asked if I was serious—if I could “get things straight.” They told me every single issue they had rather than actually engaging with me on any confusion.

I have no problems if someone is confused about dialogue or plot or character decisions and asks, kindly, for clarification. Please, understand that. I encourage you, very much so, that if you are confused, please let me know. I will gladly help, and I have in the past.

And! I have no problems if you don’t like the choices I make regarding the plot points of my fic. that’s okay! You don’t have to. You’re not obligated to enjoy every single fic you read.

But when you tear my fic, limb from limb, and make me feel extremely discouraged, to the point where I thought any and all problems were my fault when it was yours? Especially as the pieces they complained about are in the warnings. All of them. Yeah, that’s not okay.

Here’s a bullet point list of some of the “confusion” they had and how I know their ask in my ask box was bullshit:

Joel was mean (in the warnings)

Joel is jealous (in the warnings and the literal plot of the series)

reader gets mad at Joel, Joel gets mad at reader (in the warnings)

smut after a six-week coma/hygiene (we’re literally talking about a post-apocalyptic reality, and others have confirmed with me that the reader is heavily implied to be bathed)

Joel is jealous (referenced again; THE PLOT & IN WARNINGS)

Ellie is two doors down from the smut happening (she is not, use context clues)

My point in responding and breaking down their “confusion” is to point out two things.

One? Read the warning tags. For the love of god, read the warnings all the way through. I promise you, you will not only understand more about the fic but you also won’t be surprised by anything.

Two? Please don’t do this to writers on this app OR anywhere at all. This is not how you ask for help when you need it. This is an extremely rude, arrogant, and entitled way of telling a writer you’re “confused.” I seriously doubt you would tell a writer this irl, in my opinion.

If you actually want authors, especially on this app, to engage with you, write the fics you want them to write, etc., DONT ACT LIKE THIS.

But also, it’s my fanfiction. It’s my writing. Every ridicule they placed on my fic was given to me as if my particular plot points were awful, and it felt as though they were insinuating that I should change them.

And you know what? I’m 21. I’m a college student. I’m still learning to write because it’s a skill. And that’s okay! It’s okay when fanfics lack clarity or have rough grammar. It’s okay if the plot doesn’t make entirely a lot of sense. It’s okay!

Now, I’m so happy to have grown from that experience, as well as have an amazing support group of people on this app. So, I will continue to be writing the series. I will continue to be writing for that character. I’m not changing a damn thing in my fic for clarification.

Again, I want to thank my mutuals for yanking me back up and helping me understand the depths of the ask they sent me. And big, big thanks to @honeystevie for helping me see that because without her initial reply, I’m sure I would’ve been in a very large discouraged writing hole. love you, rika <3

tagging some wonderful mutuals as a thanks and I’m giving a big hug: @moonlight-prose @cocoamoonmalfoy @tarrenterror25 @themarcusmoreno @fleurfairie @indouloureux @ghostofskywalker @iraot @dearest-readers @fxllfaiiry @fluffyprettykitty @targaryenvampireslayer @galatially @navybrat817 @rae-gar-targaryen @saradika

[sometimesiammybpd]

quick mention: i have already written one post somewhat on being aromantic. i honestly forgot about this, but here's that if you wanna read. this will cross over on certain things i've mentioned there and other posts because of the more general topic. don't mean to repeat myself, but this is all still so new to me and i want to understand it better and this helps /gen.

this post is gonna be both about what it's like to have hypersexuality, but also what it's like for me as someone who is aromantic because to me they go hand in hand. not great at intros lmao.

anyways hi. not really in the bestest of moods while writing this, so i apologize if it comes off a bit brash or something. idk. it's 5 (almost 6) am for me when writing so like. that's probably why. probably. i wanna talk about being aromantic first because that's the more complicated one for me personally and it's the one that honestly still bothers me. i didn't realize i was aromantic until this year. more specifically, a few months ago. for, i think 3 years now, i'd assumed i was demiromantic because i thought i was still having crushes on people. real "i could imagine my entire life with you" crushes, which i wasn't. that i'll go into obviously. but as i've spent time looking back on things because of all that just falls into place for me with the aro label, i realize it wasn't there from the start. don't get me wrong though. crushes were not common for me as a kid.

i really do think i was demiromantic until about a year ago. because when i was younger, i didn't feel anything towards anyone. i didn't even think i had a sexuality because i didn't like girls or boys. there's stuff i won't get into right now, but by late elementary - early middle, i was getting bullied heavily and they were starting to get so fixated on who likes who and all that bullshit. which did come back to me because at certain points, they would walk to me and ask who i liked. if i didn't have an answer, they'd bully me more. so i started to keep a mental list of sorts. it's creepy to say honestly, even with context, but this is what worked because it was either this or just have everything get worse. it wasn't anything bad, i would just choose a girl and she'd be my "crush" should they ask. each year would be a different girl and it was just to not have things get worse (they eventually did anyways). but by like 7th grade, i thought it was just normal. i mean. kinda. i wanted to believe it was, but this was also when i started to spiral for the first time and so i was already deep into self-hatred, self-destructive tendencies, shit like that. so not only could it NOT be normal according to my mind but if i wasn't the person i was, maybe it'd be different. shit like that.

8th grade was the first time i ever did feel a crush on someone. and i knew it was actually a crush and not some confused emotion. it was towards my closest friend at the time and lasted years. i think when i first started to bring this (the realization of being aro) up to my friends, i stuck this under the "hyperfixation" category, which it was. but it was also a real crush. and honestly, it was the first time i ever felt normal. because normal people get crushes and want to date. that's what i was always told and that's what i thought needed to happen. and it led me to pursue her for longer than i ever should have. she couldn't date because of her parents but there's no way in hell i would have been a good partner at the time anyways. regardless, i pursued it through sophomore year of high school. the history between me and her is too rough to talk about outside of that, but yeah. and i think i know why. i mention wanting to feel normal a lot. at the time i really did. because to me, i didn't know myself. i grew up heavily conservative and christian (although the christianity part never stuck) and it really did form a mental relationship between feeling the way i did and stuff like being gay or bi that was so unhealthy. as i went through high school, the friends i met pushed me further left which did help when it came to this. because i remember watching love, simon at 15 (i liked the movie so shut it /hj) and watching him fall in love at the end, i cried. because i wanted that. but honestly i don't know if i did at the same time.

it all felt so unreasonably scary and outside of the unnamed friend, i never felt anything towards anyone like that. at least until jake entered the picture (fake name, separate post coming later). for the quickest context, he was 19 when i met him and by this point around 20-21. i fell in love with him. i don't even know why but i really did. multiple times. it was the first time i couldn't get rid of a crush, which was a new and very NOT fun experience. and when we finally did date, it was three days of him refusing to talk to me and then breaking up with me and blaming me. it was not fun. i think this was the first time that something romantic fucked me up because i didn't really trust anyone after this until i met nathan. and if you read the post about him, you know how that went. point being, that fucked me up more. and then i had another friend after nathan and before the one i met through bumble that also fucked me up more. and that's kinda what got me to want to write this post in the first place outside of the hypersexuaity part (comes later). i know i said in the last post how unsure i felt about relationships. and i won't say that's not untrue, but i have my answer.

i don't think i want to be in a relationship. i like being alone. i like being by myself and doing what i want. i care about everyone so much, but that feeling people say you get when you wanna do anything for your partner . . . i just don't get. i didn't really get it with nathan even though we were together for long enough and i did feel something towards him. but i never got that feeling. i did a lot for him and it was mainly because i natually have a similar instinct to help anyone because it's just who i am. but like i like my routine and for some reason, it actually makes me upset at times to imagine changing it for a relationship. i don't even know why but i'm kinda just accepting it. i'm not the most likable person and i know that also affects my "chances," as it usually gets labeled. i still have a lot of bad habits and toxic behaviors that i'm working to change but i know it turns a lot of people off of me than i'd want.

but i don't care, tbh in the romantic sense. it's so weird to try to explain to people that i don't feel things like that. i came to a realization a couple months back when i figured out the hyperfixations getting confused for a crush shit. it made so much sense to me when i learned the possibility of that with people with adhd and shit. and it just blew my mind.

until one of my closest friends at the time labeled it as weird and said i'm not normal for feeling like that. that got to me. i didn't expect someone that close to me to respond like that. at that point i hadn't even figured out the aromantic label yet and moreso if it was fitting for me. but that made me almost not want to. because i felt like i wasn't normal enough to deserve to get the answer. it really really hurt coming from them which only made it worse. but i eventually pushed through by myself and came to aromantic. it took me a long time to actually confidently say it because i kept thinking i was demi. i kept mixing hyperfixations up left and right (that didn't even last long enough to really count) and it kept making me wonder if maybe i still could feel that way. honestly, i don't discount it permanently. no one knows what the future holds.

anyways, yeah.

the only reason i'm so concerned about labels isn't because i have something to prove or whatever. it just. i have felt hopeless my entire life because everything others felt or did, i was the opposite. and most of it being not on purpose too made it infinitely worse mentally. it dragged me down because i thought i'd never get answers. and honestly, i wonder sometimes what my child self would think now about me. i really wonder. to be fair, they'd probably ask why i'm even still alive but yknow.

the point why i'm writing a second post on being / feeling aromantic isn't to retell what i already had written. i completely forgot i wrote that original post until half-way through writing this AND i only found it by complete accident lmao. EITHER WAY. what i really wanted to write about was the way my brain mixes up hyperfixations as crushes and what that feels like to me. because all of what i wrote prior to this was supposed to be context but i'm a yapper. to me, it doesn't feel like a hyperfixation until it's over. and i'll be real and say that i don't honestly even know what a real crush is supposed to feel like. when i started to like nathan, i only noticed because of things like how he was the only person i was talking to. or how my mood was starting to be affected by how he was doing. or how i really did want to spend every second of my life with him (which was a rare thought but it was there for a moment). stuff like that. and even now i'm not sure if it was a crush or just a really long hyperfixation. because to me, hyperfixations are things i want to spend every moment on. things i can't stop thinking about. sometimes they do affect my mood in ways that are hard to explain. i mean, this entire thing is hard as fuck to explain but yknow. and what made it more complicated was a lot of the "hyperfixation-crushes", or whatever the hell you wanna call them, started going away insanely fast. right before i realized i was most likely aromantic, i thought i had a crush on three different people. all three started and ended within 6 hours and it wasn't like how i felt with nathan. it felt like something was there, but it was almost unreachable. and the more i tried, the more it went away until suddenly it felt like i snapped out of something and woke up. and it was gone. like i know that sounds dramatic as hell, but that's how it felt. that's genuinely how it felt / feels for me.

and i remember trying to explain this to my friends . . . and they dismissed it and called me weird. which hurt. it wasn't like a big insult but this was me trying to figure myself out. and the friends whom said they would be supportive as they were queer themselves dismissed me and said that it wasn't real. i still don't understand myself. i still don't understand what got me here or where i fall on the spectrum where labels do and don't matter (they matter right now for me because i've had no answers for so fucking long). i still don't understand most of me and everything and. i don't know.

it's hard to talk about. it's hard to be honest and open because it makes me feel like. i'll never be accepted. which is unfortunately how i've felt my entire life growing up how i did but that's for another post. either way.

this is honestly a topic i don't see a proper way to transition into, but i wanna talk about having hypersexuality as someone with bpd who is also aro. because let me just say that it's hell. i mean, i doubt it has anything with my capability to form or not form romantic thoughts and feelings but. anyways. i haven't had a proper off-period in almost six months and it's killing me. for folks who don't know, depending on the person will depend on the specifics of their hypersexuality (if they have it because i believe while it's common with folks who have bpd, it's not guaranteed). the most common ways it presents though are periods where sex is the only thing they can think about and usually will lead one to do anything they can to get sex, even if it means putting themselves in harms way. the other way it presents is of utter disgust towards anything sexual to a point where they usually don't even feel the need to masturbate because it's just. too much. i have been fucking stuck in the first way for almost half a god damn year. and it's so so so painful.

because a lot of days for me, i wake up and just feel horny. and so i do what i need to do and it's not enough. and i ironically don't get good enough luck on any hookup apps to actually "put myself in harms way" as i put it (or effectively ignoring any warning signs because sex). so i end up averaging out at five or six times (masturbation) because i got no responses and nothing else is working. and it's a living hell because when it kicks in, it kicks in. and there's nothing i do besides have sex or something to get it to stop. like it doesn't matter what i was doing. my brain just shuts off. i literally get a feeling of like being so uncomfortable because all i want to do is have sex. i don't remember when or if i last had an off period. because i think back to a moment when i was eighteen. i mentioned it slightly in my introduction post, but when i was eighteen i signed up for grindr. at this point, i was already relieving myself 2-3 times a day minimum and some going up to 4-5. and when i got on grindr, i was actually looking for a long-term relationship. i don't remember that lasting long before i realized i could use it for hookups and eventually dropped my walls and said fuck it. and this is where i need to mention two things. the main event and the way i approach(ed) hookup apps.

the way i approach(ed) hookup apps once i dropped the "i want a relationship" thing was that i had / still kinda have no regard for safety. all i wanted to know was that they weren't like 55, had a decent member, and if they'd be down to fuck. i ask now, but at the time i didn't even ask for stds or anything of the sort. when i get on a hookup app, i lose a complete sense of time. not because i want to, but because i become so horny all i can fuckin think about is finding someone. anyone. there's been times where my body starts shaking because of it. it's awful. but yeah, i had no sense of making sure it was safe for me to do. which also pissed everyone off because i was also so forward with what i wanted that i was impatient and desperate and all that. i'm not proud of it, but half the time it feels like i literally cannot help it. it's something else that's so difficult to explain (or unfortunately get some to believe). but that leads into the main event.

the "main event" was the moment that this all came crashing down on me. i found a guy on grindr who said he'd be willing to let me top and he'd give me head and all the lot. i was down and we exchanged pictures and he told me where he was located. the one stipulation he had was that i needed to pay for him to get some weed. i was desperate, so i agreed. i went to my mom, lied and said i was meeting friends from college, and then drove off to cincinnati after going to the bank to get the money. before i go any further, i am a bottom LOL. i also didn't really know my identity then and while i don't particularly hate my biological parts, i am not proud of it. this was a rare occasion. anyways. i picked up the guy and immediately, he gave me meth-head vibes which did make me a little nervous. at the same time, i completely did not care because we were gonna fuck. i gave him the money and he offered to blow me while i drove him to his dealer's. i declined because i could barely focus on driving as it was. once we got there, he got out and said he'd be a minute. i left my car running in the in-between mode where it uses your battery but no gas. a few minutes go by and he texts me saying he was making sure he was cleaned out and was sorry for it taking so long. i got like one text after this and then he disappeared entirely. i waited for hours longer than i should have because it was like 9:30 i think when i left and was 11, almost 12 am by this point. so i finally said fuck it and was gearing to leave...

until i realized my car had completely died. yeah. the in-between state didn't feel so smart now lmao. my mom was panicking because i wasn't home. i was starting to freeze because it was like 32 degrees F outside. i had this big comforter in my trunk and that did nothing! it was to a point where my body was physically shaking because it had lost that much heat. i had no heater i could run, nowhere to go. it was the scariest moment of my life. and at this point, 2 - 3 am. finally AAA comes and jumps my car and i get home at around 3 am. it took me the entire car ride with the heater blasting to even feel my hands again. not my body, just hands. it was bad. and i do admit, i wouldn't do it again. i've been a lot more careful now than before.

but it's not just hookup apps. for me, hypersexuality ruins relationships. nathan and i were never going to work out, but the second i had to start seeing him in a more sexual nature, it was done for. and i will never forgive myself for that. and it's never changed. if i had a close relationship with anyone and it became sexual, it'd be over. and this is what really makes me feel so abnormal. cause i hate it so much. i fucking hate feeling so horny that i almost mentally shut down or the willingness to almost end my life for maybe sex. or ruining relationships because no matter how hard i try, all i can think about is us fucking. it's my living hell. i genuinely feel like some days i can't even get anything done because i just can't stop feeling horny. even though i don't even have it in me physically to have sex, it won't stop or go away.

this post is way too long lmao. but yeah that's me sharing more than i ever thought i would. if this helps someone even just by putting into words maybe what you thought wasn't possible, then i'm glad /gen. i just wish it didn't make going day by day so unnecessarily difficult. like as if it wasn't hard enough

[horizon-verizon]

Are Rhaenicent fans really... special ?

https://www.tumblr.com/prideprejudce/735548166402883584/alicent-being-portrayed-as-the-pure-mother-who?source=share

Like, their whole obsession with religious iconography makes me uncomfortable.

@darklinaforever

Just aesthetically, I actually like Alicent's poster more. Symbolically? I prefer Rhaenyra's. To me, Rhaenyra shows she's determined to get back some dignity & Alicent is, as OP says, "trapped", and lost. The posters have a tinge of reversal of roles. Except I don't think being "trapped" is a good thing in most context at all! Certainly not this one.

Alicent's S2 funeral(?) headpiece is reminiscent of/taking inspiration of the halo of saints, Christ, the Virgin Mary/Mother in Heaven in medieval Catholic & Christian Orthodox iconography. And the Faith of the Seven is Catholic-inspired/coded. Down to the separation and divisions of "God", each being aspects rather than fully fledged gods in their own right. She is a devout follower, plus she is always trying to broadcast her rank as Queen Consort (supreme woman), who both in ASoIaF and real w/life was constantly compared to Mary, Mother of "God". Ii is very in line with her character both in the show & the book, so I have no problem with anyone pointing out or liking it.

However, this?

alicent being portrayed as the “pure mother” who is pious and devout (stifled by her own prison of faith) and rhaenyra as the “fallen angel” expelled from her own kingdom (for her sins of being a woman and bearing bastard children) who is now looking for revenge and fighting over the rule of heaven

is just more sexist bullshit. They could have just stopped at Rhaenyra being some sort of "fallen angel" trying to get back the power that's been taken from her. We have a whole fandom that worships the boots of Crowley from Good Omens, a fallen angel himself. We have more definitions apart from "disobedient loser" that the most tradcath and sexist religious people use to demean or oppress anyone who isn't white, cis, straight, male, and even rich.

We already know that Rhaenyra is full within her rights to "seek revenge"; in the Christian canon, Lucifer is not considered to be in any sort of right against God. They decided to focus on the canon interpretation & weaponize it against Rhaenyra, framing her usurpation as divine punishment from the "godlike" Alicent. Alicent becomes less human and her actions and deliberate choice to dress this way go unexamined because it feels natural to these people--she dresses that way bc she is godlike. And yet "(stifled by her own prison of faith)"; they don't even understand that they kinda "imprison" her by characterizing her the way they do! In this way, those people show how they believe their Alicent is the highest and best form of woman there should be, pedestalizing her simultaneously. Ironic.

"(stifled by her own prison of faith)"; they don't even understand that they kinda "imprison" her by characterizing her the way they do!

For these people, the positive of Alicent's religious entrapment is that it realizes a fantasy reminiscent of those that plague Sansa stans-- gives them license to demand obedience and admiration from others without having to really work at earning respect.

Same old, same old.

[josiebelladonna]

this actually wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gotten into hot water with the way i am.

i remember all the bullshit i went through when i was crushing on ben. all the times i would wax poetic for him. all the art i made. all the times i saw and heard the word “delusional” thrown my way and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

i like to flirt and fantasize. i can be fiery and temperamental. i go for miles at a time and get lost in my own thoughts. it is painfully misunderstood, like people don’t seem to realize that this is how i have fun. this is how i escape. if you were born into systemic poverty and a dysfunctional family, you’d find all the ways out, too (i’m not my brother, either, i haven’t bought into the delusion that the way out is work and getting caught up with capitalism).

whatever. i’m not scared of her. for god’s sake, she wore freaking shorts and open-toed hooker shoes in a government building and she should be glad that it wasn’t a courthouse because that constitutes as contempt.

in fact, you know what? fuck it. if everyone following me for alex could do me a favor, quietly comb through her account and the park slope cats account and have a legal dictionary on hand. i hate to say this, but i feel like i’m asking for a lot because not everyone is as adept to legal terminology as i am, so may i suggest that you study beforehand.

try and catch her in the act of anything questionable. this is twice now that i’ve seen her inappropriately dressed for the context and you know it’s only a matter of time before some serious lines are crossed (that is, if there haven’t been already). tell instagram about it, but please don’t bring attention to yourself while you do it: last thing any of us need is to have her snooty ass getting bent out of shape for something that is obviously not okay. there’s already been a warning shot on the park slope cats account—not a very good one, though, as i was able to look them up no problem. but it’s a warning shot nonetheless. she’s an architect: architects are not as smart as they want you to think—i know this because engineers are the same way and i was an engineering student for a time.

and the last thing alex needs is to be rained down upon when he’s already being manipulated by her. i foresee it getting really ugly and i don’t want this to escalate into something awful.

i should also mention something else. i don’t know if anyone caught this, either. back on new year’s, he shared something on his story, google news results about “israeli air strikes.” he deleted it but it’s been in my memory since then. now something i’ve noticed, just from following him as well as jewish and israeli accounts on instagram and threads, is the man is a proud jew. he uses yiddish quite often (and in charming fashion, no less) and he’s got connections to israel and he’s happy to talk about them, too. so it just feels out of place for him to share this sort of thing because “israeli air strikes” is complete bullshit. people who claim israel is “carpet-bombing” the gaza strip or ruthlessly destroying the place are either antisemites or idiots (and i usually can’t stand people who post that bullshit because they’re either antisemites or idiots); in other words, why would he do that? why would he share obviously false information about his own people?

the other thing was the emoji he used. he uses the man shrugging emoji. this was the woman shrugging.

in other words, it probably wasn’t him who posted it.

in other words, it should make sense that i’m often afraid to flirt with him on instagram stories now. in other words, it should also make sense that i’m not afraid of her, either.

[hellwurld]

This is an open invitation to "talk about the Bible in a chill way". I'd be fascinated in your chill Bible opinions.

okay this is lowkey such a late answer to this but recent chill bible opinion has some context to it. i'm religious but in like a weird way i don't super want to get into, but basically i read the bible for the story aspects: the morals taught, the themes within, etc etc. i don't really view it as a strict religious instruction handbook, more so as like . stories meant to teach lessons and morals. kinda. its complicated!

erm. im so glad u asked tho

anyway! more importantly, i'm reading the old testament right now, and something that deeply bothers me is that i find the stories in early genesis deeply fascinating, and yet incredibly not dived into at all! and i think that's a shame, because there's so much interest and tragedy in the story of adam and eve, and in cain and abel, together and alongside adam and eve. i just think there could've been so much more done with the first ever family on earth, that is really never dived into popularly or well in adaptations. which is like chill EXCEPT for the fact that i think there's a lot of . persephone and hades tumblr bullshit going on and let me ELABORATE!

eve is a fascinating character to study as the first woman, and there's a lot to be said about eve, which is why a lot of modern looks at her that depict her as a #slay girlboss that ate the apple on purpose or as like . cheating on adam with lucifer . and i also don't fuck with the very long history of her being treated as though she's stupid or wicked or a transgressor. basically, what i'm trying to get at is that eve wasn't stupid for eating the apple, she was lied to, and in her defense, no one had ever lied before. quite literally she was the first to ever be lied to, ever, and she cannot be solely at fault for being tricked. i think it's hard to argue that eve shouldn't have fallen for it, because she was in such an incredibly unique, quite literally never happening before situation. i just think that depictions of her as a scheming seductress will never be as feminist as people think they are, because the core of eve was not someone looking to like . stick it to the man . she was curious, and trusting, and i refuse to blame her for searching for something new, because if god did not want man or woman to long for knowledge, he never should have create sapient beings 🤷

that was a long, kinda rambly way to say that i think genesis, despite being a really interesting book especially pertaining to eve, adam, and the fall, and especially relating to what could be said about abel and cain, and abel, cain, and THEIR PARENTS!!!, fails in a lot of ways as a book. mostly because of the lack of expansion on any of the interesting parts of the early story. i dont gaf abt how adam lived for 930 years. i gaf about adam and the horror of raising children and loving them and that still not being enough to save them from each other or themselves. it must have been horrifying to see your children, both your first children and the first children ever born, suffer and die, one at the hand of another and one at the hand of your own father. like idk eve adam and the horrifying fact that their sin (mistakes) passed along to their child and could've played a role in his own sin (devastating mistakes) and what you do as a parent when you realize that loving someone isn't enough to raise them perfectly and keep them safe.

but yeah sure . adams a weirdo misogynist and eve is a girlboss that cucks him with lucifer and abel and cain don't matter or exist. okay. epic.

and like this isn't to shit on fun or serious retellings based in feminism, bc i #love feminism fr, but i think it tired me out in the same way that (look at me circling back) things like the feminist retellings of hades and persephone did. bc like, it's interesting sometimes, but other times you are IGNORING the reality and interesting parts of the real story in favor for whatever fantasy you've created. hades and persephone is a fascinating story, and demeter and persephone's relationship is a tragic, lovely story that should not be boiled down into omg age gap forbidden romance with EVIL strict mom in the same way that eve and adam shouldnt be simplified to adam is mean to eve and she eats apple as REVENGE >:) . like ok guys lets get creative!

anyway to make a long story short im not an expert on the bible im just a girl raised spiritualist who fucks with books hardcore and wouldve liked to see more interesting shit in the oldest fucking book i own . or whatever .