#but i needed to put all of my thoughts somewhere

[dimmadoome]

To all my American friends,

What should you do if you find yourself in a rut thinking, how do I fix this?

You read.

Pick up a copy of 'The US Constitution and Other Writings' first and read through them. Make sure you know our bill of rights backwards, forwards and sideways. Make sure you understand how our system works. When new bills are proposed, read them. Read every single one of Trumps new executive orders. You have to know what they want to do so you can put together the pieces of the puzzle as to what is going to actually happen to you. The reason yall can get fear mongered so easily is because you don't know what they can and can not do to you. It seems like such a small thing to do. You might think you are a fighter, not an intellectual. You might believe that your talents are better suited somewhere else.

They aren't.

You can not take on the largest military in the world. Not head on and not even banded together. Even with every single gun toting redneck at your back, you can not and will not win.

What you do to fix the situation we are in is you learn how they are taking things from you and you work to combat that. Get out and vote. As proven by your unwillingness to vote in the last election, Voting does matter. It really, really does. Anyone who tells you any different is a russian spy and a maga shill. Your vote matters. Emd of story.

Our government isnt air tight, but it is so tied up in beurocracy that everything these fucks are planning to do WILL NOT HAPPEN QUICKLY. It will take them years to implement anything. Especially constitutional changes. If we can swing the house and senate blue the next two years, they will be blocked from doing the worst of the damage entirely. Remember the first Trump presidency? How we combated his bilullshit then? Our representatives and Congress people were somewhat democratic. Maybe, if yall actually tried, you could do it again.

I know, I know, the dems are shit, the dems are definitely in the oligarchs pocket. But they are to goddamned lazy and ineffectual to actually pull the trigger on fascism. And that is what you need. You need these people to be a place holder until you go out there, boots on the fucking ground, and get involved in your local politics. You get your people elected, then you keep moving them up until they become your representatives and congresspeople. YOU do the work.

A good place to start on that. Get to know the disabled folk in your community. They are forgotten but they ARENT stupid and they certainlyare worth the time and effort to bring to your side. They are the ones that need to have their voices heard. Imani, or Crutches and Spice as she is known, has already said this. That the right have been out there, talking to disabled folk. Making them feel seen and heard because the dems arent fucking doing it. And its working.

You guys know that we have to wrestle the government away from these fucks to actually win back our rights, right? You do realize that a fucking revolution is STILL not going to happen, right?

As a foray into my personal thoughts to end this one out. I think we need to abolish the Electoral college. We need to put term limits on supreme court justices, we need to make sure that We The People and not the presiden gets to elect them if they are making laws and we need to get rid of lobbying all together. If we can get just those four things gone within the next ten years, we might be able to swing our shit back around and have a good governmental basis to make the changes we need.

If yall are gonna be waffling around, asking for solutions. There. There are your solutions. I've given you solutions. Fucking take em.

TLDR: your first order of business is to stop expecting footnotes and start reading everything ya lazy fucks.

To my Asian, European, African, and Canadian friends...do y'all wanna know how the United States found itself under a fascist, Hitler-loving dictator named Donald Trump?

In another post, I started my timeline in 1980. The year I was born. But, it was also a turning point in US politics.

First, let me share my credentials.

- Bachelors of Arts - History

- Juris Doctor - Public Interest Law (Critical Race Theory)

- Masters of Philosophy (research degree) - Sociology (Race, Ethnicity, Conflict)

Just recently, we buried President Jimmy Carter, who was the president, when I was born. Jimmy was from Georgia, like my grandmother, and he came from a Southern Baptist background. Southern Baptists are known for being very conservative Christians who did not support abortion.

Jimmy, despite that background, actually supported LGBTQ rights by lifting a federal ban. He supported Roe v. Wade which protected access to abortion. And, he established the federal Department of Education.

However, Jimmy had an antagonistic relationship with Congress, and that alienated several Democrats, including Ted Kennedy, who was the brother of John F. Kennedy, a president who was assassinated.

The Kennedy family has an established name brand due to JFK and Robert F Kennedy (another brother and JFK's attorney general who was also assassinated). Ted was the younger, drunken brother who caused the accidental death of a college friend.

In 1980, Ted challenged Jimmy for the presidency even though they were both Democrats. Jimmy has the incumbent shouldn't have faced a challenge from his own party, but he had just been that bad.

So, this internal strife weakened the Democratic Party entering the 1980 election. In that same year, Jimmy boycotted the 1980 Olympics in Russia due to Russia's invasion of Afghanistan. Furthermore, there was a recession.

The Republican Party nominee was a former Hollywood actor turned politician named Ronald Reagan. Ronald was the governor of California and was trailing Jimmy in the polls until a presidential debate in which Ronald used his acting skills to make Jimmy seem incompetent.

Ronald believed in "trickle down economics." He believed that if the wealthiest people were taxed less, then they would spend more, thus boosting the economy and allowing prosperity to "trickle down" to the working & Middle class.

He also believed in increased military spending as this was the height of the Cold War with Russia. My own parents voted for Reagan because my dad was in the military.

Instead of trickling down, the wealthy just grew wealthier. Republicans continued to lower taxes for these individuals and businesses, so the money never trickled down. Social services were underfunded & unemployment increased. Reagan's response was to blame Black "welfare mothers" for abusing the system.

Republicans latch onto this. They implement work requirements for government assistance and make it harder for folks to pull out of poverty. As a result, a wealth gap separated white folk from the rest. White folk felt their hard earned money was supporting lazy white & Black folk, so they continued to constrict welfare programs.

[Section added] During Reagan's term, an unknown illness is killing young, gay Black & Latino men. It's AIDs. Reagan deemed it a gay disease that only affects gay people, so no funding is allocated to study this disease. It's viewed as retribution for their homosexua lifestyle. However, overtime, they learn about HIV once non-gay men were infected. Children die from the disease because blood is not tested for it, so some are born from it through their mothers while others were given transfusions.

Under Reagan, the Fairness Doctrine ends. Under this doctrine, news agencies had to report both sides of an issue. Because of this, television stations can now present one side. Fox News opens as a conservative network.

Ronald is well-loved by white folk. He gets elected to two terms. By the end of his term, the economy has recovered, and white folk are prospering. Then, his VP, George H.W. Bush, is elected.

Under George I, the Cold War ends, but we have the Gulf War in Kuwait. He signs trade agreements that result in several American companies, namely the auto industry, to shutter their doors and build factories overseas. This is due to a change in tariffs!

Millions of Americans lose their jobs as factories close. Detroit, as the leading auto manufacturer city, is devastated. Back in the 90s, Detroit was the 4th largest US city after Chicago. These factory closures hit the Midwest, especially hard.

This makes Bush unpopular. He is challenged by a young, charismatic Democrat named Bill Clinton.

Bill was a southerner like Jimmy, but Bill was a very well-known ladies' man. Bill appeals to Black Americans, though, and that allows him to defeat George.

Bill continues expanding trade agreements. He's a fiscal conservative despite being a Democrat, and under Bill, military spending is reduced.

[Section added] The rise of AIDs leads to further hate directed at the LGBTQ. During the 90s, several queer people are murdered. One such kid was Matthew Shepard. A college kid in Wyoming, he is beaten by a gang of white men. His family was terrorized so much, that they couldn't bury him because of fears his grave would be desecrated.

[A white woman Bishop in DC invites Shepard's parents to bury him in their graveyard. That Bishop is Marian Edgar Budde, the same Bishop who gave Trump his inaugural sermon this past week. She pleaded for Trump to have mercy on the queer community because she was the Bishop who buried Shepard!]

Bill is a popular president. The economy is booming, but he's still a lady's man, and he gets in trouble with a college intern.

This scandal adversely impacts the last few years in office so much so that his VP, Al Gore, loses the presidency to George W. Bush.

George Bush won the Electoral College while Al Gore won the popular vote. There was such a tiny margin that there were numerous recounts because of faulty ballots (hanging chads). Eventually, the Supreme Court intervenes and tells them to stop the count and certify George as president.

George II is the son of George I.

George II is a popular Texan with swagger. He wants to build up the military once again.

Clinton left a surplus of money, so what did George II do? He implemented tax cuts for the wealthy. That damned "trickle down economics" again. The wealthy get wealthier, increasing the wealth gap between white folks and everybody else.

They cut taxes while cutting social services. One of his biggest "achievements" was a restructuring of our educational system called "No Child Left Behind."

NCLB emphasizes test scores. School administrations are penalized if they don't meet these standards. They lost funding, so electives such as home economics, art, Music, etc are trimmed to make room for these test standards. By this time, my dad has retired from the military and is a school principal, and I remember the stress of trying to meet these standards.

These standards emphasize STEM at the expense of liberal arts. This is happening just as the internet becomes available to all.

Amazon opens as an online used book store. Facebook is started as a college message board. There's a tech boom, so everyone is being pushed into tech fields. Liberal arts education was devalued.

During his term, 9-11 happens. We declare war on Afghanistan. Islamophobia spikes. Fox News helps drive this narrative. Christianity is now being pushed into schools, whereas schools were previously secular.

[Section added] In 2004, the assault rifle ban was lifted. Now we are seeing a dramatic spike in school shootings. The Far Right embraces the expansion of the 2nd Amendment.

Then, we go to war in Iraq.

We aren't quite sure why we're at war with Iraq. We overthrow Suddam Hussein (from the Gulf War). George declares victory, then terminates the Iraqi Army.

This triggers an insurrection. Massive casualties are coming out of Iraq. The war in Afghanistan is overshadowed.

George serves two terms, but his VP is so unpopular that he doesn't run for president. Instead, the Republican nominee is John McCain.

Two Democrats fight for the nomination. Hillary Clinton, the wife of Bill, and Barack Obama.

Barack was a young, biracial Senator from Illinois. I attended law school in Illinois, and one of my classmates had been his legislative aide. I met Barack twice while a student. The first time, he had come to campus to propose a college-savings account. After his press conference, I latched onto his arm and refused to let go until he heard me, and I explained that his proposal was unrealistic because it assumed that a single mother would have the resources to save for an education when it was more likely her money would go towards groceries & rent or other immediate needs. (Fast forward two-three years, and the dude is repeating my line during the State of the Union! I had changed his mind!)

Barack beats Hillary for the nomination. He defeats McCain and is sworn in as the 1st black (not Black) president.

Obama is popular and well-loved by most Americans. Under his tenure, gay marriage is legalized.

Fox News triples down on their hatred.

Their network booms. They push Islamophobia 24/7. Highlight the fact that Obama's father was Muslim and that his middle name was Hussein.

Older Americans are watching program after program of this negativity. A movement starts called the Tea Party movement, which positions itself as a fiscally conservative movement. A bankrupt slumlord with a reality TV show gains popularity with these folks.

I wrote my master's dissertation on the Tea Party movement. It's called "Jesus and the White Man."

Donald Trump

Donald latches onto the Islamaphobia. He calls Barack by his middle name and questions his birth certificate. Donald grows popular with older Americans.

At the end of Obama's term, the son of VP Biden dies. This devastated Biden. He had lost his infant daughter & first wife in a car accident. He decides not to run for president.

Obama supports Hillary.

It is now Hillary v. Trump.

Trump pushes misogyny and Islamaphobia. Hillary is Bill's wife and a woman. She is the most qualified presidential candidate to ever run (at that time).

During Obama's last year in office, Justice Antonin Scalia* dies. Obama has the privilege to nominate that next Justice, but Mitch McConnell stalls through the election.

But older white Americans were barely okay with a black president. They were not about to let a woman serve as President. At the same time, an organization called Cambridge Analytica began to fine-tune an ultra conservative agenda.

With the help of Russian intelligence, they use Facebook ads to try to persuade voters to support Trump. They succeeded with white folk, but they did not succeed with the Black vote.

Russians used African bot farms in order to try to persuade Black Americans to support Trump. We rejected him at 90%.

Donald wins the Electoral College but not the popular vote.

Donald is a corrupt and ineffectual president. He tried to bribe foreign leaders and shared US intelligence with Russia.

However, as a populist, he latches onto the Christian Right. He nominates 3 Supreme Court Justices who lie during their confirmation hearings. These Justices will ultimately vote to overturn Roe v. Wade.

The Christian Right love this. But then COVID hits and the incompetence of Donald leads to millions of deaths. These Christian folk refuse to get vaccinated or wear masks.

Donald is an unpopular president and ranks as the worst president of all time.

Biden challenges him and wins.

Donald refuses to accept that he lost, so he organized an attempted coup. January 6th.

He's impeached. Twice.

McConnell refuses to take the step to have him permanently barred from office.

Biden takes office when COVID is still rampant. The Christian Right continue to push their agenda, seeking to remove protections for the LGBTQI.

Right wing media generates a lot of money. Podcasters jump on the bandwagon. Red pill content spills into the mainstream.

Kids who were isolated during COVID are now at home watching Joe Rogan & Theo Von. They spend hours upon hours on TikTok.

But unbeknownst to these kids is the history of Russian interference.

Schools emphasize STEM. They don't emphasize liberal arts or social sciences such as history or literature. The literacy rate plummeted to an all-time low. The average white American's reading level is at the 4th grade. They aren't able to engage in critical thinking.

They don't know the history of the Spanish Influenza. They don't know the history of a trade war that triggered the Great Depression. They don't know that our government has imprisoned citizens in internment camps. They don't know Hitler's rise to power.

In fact, Fox News frequently features individuals who deny the Holocaust.

Russia move their troll farms from Facebook to TikTok, where the algorithm serves as an echo chamber. Uneducated, illiterate folks gobble up 30-second videos but can't be arsed to watch anything over 5 minutes so complex issues are stripped down to sound bites.

The algorithm pushed right-wing fascist talking points. They rehabbed Donald while shifting Gen Z to the far right. They do not know how to verify information for themselves, so they gobble up misinformation and disinformation.

If a TikTok creator has millions of followers with thousands of views and likes, these kids assume that that info is factual. They do not vet shit for themselves.

Russia pushed anti-American propaganda that posed as pro-American talking points. Pushed isolationism. Pushed anti-democratic rhetoric. In fact, one of their greatest accomplishments is convincing Gen Z and uneducated, white Millennials into thinking we aren't a democracy.

We are a fucking Democratic Republic. Our constitution begins with: "We the people".

So, because of TikTok, Trump won.

That's why Biden was pushing for it to be banned before the election. The algorithm was being corrupted. But folks couldn't part from their addiction.

Folks who had been anti-Trump just 5 years ago are suddenly Trump supporters. They were brainwashed.

So, how did we get here?

We got here because most Americans are fucking STUPID.

[calzone-d]

So just saw your post about steve being an absolute much and i wholeheartedly agree. On that note i also believe he talks you through it so good when he fucks you. He comes off so poised to everyone else but when he’s with you? He gets so nasty and cocky with it, it’s all “that’s right baby take it” “oooohh is that right, that feel good?” “just let go sweetheart come for me” and when you get close and start gasping he smirks and mocks your little oh oh oh’s, like he knows he’s big and he knows he fucks you good, he just can’t help it

Thoughts?

pairing: Steve Rogers x afab!reader

warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, reader has a vagina, steve has a filthy mouth

a/n: 100% Think about it- Steve loves to help. Loves to help others, loves helping you take his cock. and yeah he’s americas sweetheart but he deserves a little moment to be cocky too!!

not proofread!

absolutely nsfw below the cut im warning ya

“Yes, Sir. Thank you for coming out tonight, your donation makes a world of a difference.”

Steve’s voice is firm but sincere as he shakes the hand of another rich friend of Tony’s. They’re all making their way to the door as the night dies down. Not fast enough, though. Not fast enough to where you can whisk Steve away upstairs like you’ve been dying to do for the past few hours.

You toss back the rest of your drink when Steve moves to wrap his arm around your waist. He brings his lips to your neck, peppering the soft skin with little kisses. The feeling makes you laugh, the only people in the room left are a few of the other Avengers so he clearly has let go of his inhibitions. The asguardian mead kind of helped that along, too.

“Let’s go upstairs, need to feel that sweet pussy wrapped around me, sweetheart.”

His words cause you to choke. Your face flushes as you turn in his arms to set your drink down on the bar. He gently pats your back with a blush that matches yours.

“Sorry, honey. You okay?”

You chuckle thinking of how his filthy mouth always catches you off guard. America’s Golden Boy definitely has a golden tongue to match, but you’re the only one who holds that knowledge.

On your tiptoes, you put a hand on the back of his neck to pull his face down to your height. Your soft lips brush the shell of his ear,

“You want my pussy, baby? That’s what you need?” you whisper with a kiss to his ear.

His blush ripens just as it began to fade. He nods, preoccupied with making an escape plan, always the Captain.

Steve drags you out a side door and makes a beeline to the elevator. The second the doors shut, his hands are on your hips. His fingertips squeeze you as he starts speaking again.

“Bet that cunt’s drippin’ for me, huh?”

His Brooklyn accent always comes out when he’s like this. Before you have a chance to respond his fingertips are slipping up your dress. They skate over the inside of your thighs before pulling at the waistband of your panties.

“Lemme feel, honey.”, a thick finger slips between your folds. A wicked smile spreads across his flushed cheeks.

“Sweetheart… already so wet for me..” the tip of his finger catches your clit and makes you whimper.

Steve pulls his fingers out right as the elevator dings and the doors open. You clear your throat and follow him to his room. Steve’s pink lips wrap around his finger as he unlocks the door, mumbling something about how you taste.

He’s pulling you in as soon as the door opens, hurriedly pulling down the zipper of your dress.

“Need this off, honey girl. Now. Panties too, need to taste that pussy again.”

Without a second thought you shimmy the dress off and kick your panties somewhere behind him. He drops to his knees before you and crawls the rest of the way, backing you up against the wall.

Steve unbuttons his shirt and yanks it off, “Got me crawlin’ on the god damn floor for that pussy. Like a pet.”

You bite your lip at that. Your hands reach out to make a home in his perfectly styled hair. Steve settles on his knees, pulling one of your legs up and over his broad shoulder.

“Am I your pet baby?” You chuckle softly and nod.

“Mhm.. a good pet too, Stevie.”

He groans and leans forward. One of his hands comes up and spreads your folds open, putting every inch of your soaked pussy on display for him. His tongue sets a path from your quivering hole up to your hardened clit.

Pulling away the slightest bit he groans “Fucking hell”. Steve’s dirty mouth isn’t new to you, but always takes you by surprise. Always makes you blush just a little harder.

Steve makes a rhythm of poking at your opening with the tip of his tongue and using it softly against your clit. He’s obscene with it, too. A mixture of your slick and spit coating his sharp cheekbones. He slurps and moans as you near your orgasm.

“Gettin’ wetter, honey. Gonna cum for me? You can cum, sweetheart. Been so good to me tonight.”

“Gonna make you cum on my tongue, honey. Don’t worry, just let go. Lemme taste it, pretty girl.”

His words are muffled by your cunt but it makes you squirm all the same.

The tension snaps when he shoves his tongue as far as humanly possible inside of you. His pointed nose creating the perfect amount of friction against your throbbing bud.

“That’s- that’s it.” He pants into your sensitive folds. He slows down, pressing gentle kisses against your clit. “So sweet, honey.” another kiss. “Could taste this” another lick “this pussy all night.”.

You don’t miss the way he wobbles just the slightest bit when he stands to pull you into his arms. He pulls you in for a kiss that’s all tongue. The taste of you on his tongue makes you moan.

Steve kisses you all the way to his bedroom. Once he has you on the bed he shoves his pants and underwear off, not bothering to make a show of it. His cock is heavy and wet, the tip glistens as the weight of it makes it hang down in front of him.

You instinctively spread your legs, your arms reaching out for him.

“Stevie..”

He’s over you in an instant, nose nuzzling your cheek, then the flushed skin of your neck.

“M’here sweet girl. I’ve got you.” he murmurs. He wastes no time in bringing the tip of his cock to your soaked folds. He runs the tip up and down, making sure he’s wet enough to not hurt you.

“This pussy will be the death of me, honey. You hear me?”

You nod and grab at his back, holding him to you.

He slides in, and you both moan at the feeling.

“Just needed this- fuck- this sweet pussy on my cock. Needed you wrapped around me sweet girl.”

Once he’s balls deep he doesn’t even pull out to thrust into you again, just grinds the head of his cock against your cervix. The trimmed hair at his base adds to the sensation of his pelvis putting pressure on your clit. His heavy balls are pressed flush to the dip of your ass cheeks.

“Ohh fuck. Got me- got me so weak, honey.” he pants. One of his hands goes to the back of your head, pulling your face into his neck. You discovered pretty early on that he was so sensitive there. The second your lips touch his neck he’s a goner.

“You like that though, don’t you? Knowing you’ve got- mmm- got your captain so weak for you?” He pulls out almost all the way before slipping right back in, all the way to the hilt.

Steve tilts your hips backward just an inch or so, and the next move of his cock puts sweet pressure on your g-spot. The feeling makes you yell out, frantic hooded eyes searching for his as you grab onto his biceps.

“There it is, I got you, sweets. Just-“ another thrust, “Just taking care of my best girl.”

You whimper at the pressure on your g-spot. “Oh, steve! I- fuck.. So good..”

“I know baby, found your spot, huh?” he smirks as he hits it again. You nod as your eyes flutter shut.

“You can- you can take it, hun. That’s it..” he murmurs against your hair.

“I’ve got you sweet girl, just take it.” your moans only spur him on. “I know, I know, shhh. Taking it so well, sweets. Taking your captain’s cock.. god damn.. Squeezin’ me so tight.. Just creamin’ on my cock baby.”

He leans back and his thumb finds your clit. He thrusts more shallow now, jackhammering against your g-spot and putting you right on the edge.

“So sensitive here baby, such a pretty pussy. Love this pussy, oh fuck.. Got me- got me so close sweet girl.”

You lock your ankles behind his back, making him fall back over you.

“Cum in me Steve, I- fuck!- need it baby. Steve, please.. need- ohh- need it so bad.”

He drops his weight on you, face buried in your neck as he fucks you, spurred on by his most primal desire.

“Steve, I need to- m’gonna cum.. I’m.. I’m oh fuck!”

The way your pussy clenches on his cock sends him right over the edge.

“Shit, oh shit. m’cumming, honey. Ohh my god.” he doesn’t stop thrusting even as his cock twitches and empties itself deep inside you.

“Take it,” he buries himself as deep as possible. “Take your captain’s cum. All for you, sweet girl. Fuckkk, take it. Ohhh that’s it…”

He swallows thickly, nudging his nose against the side of your neck.

“Love..” he pants. “Love you, y/n. My sweet girl. Love you so much.” his voice is raspy.

He doesn’t even try to move. Your hand comes up to scratch at the back of his scalp and he wiggles a little against you, getting comfy for a minute.

You press a few kisses to his sweaty temple “Love you too, Stevie.”

He lays there on top of you until he goes soft and you’re poking him in the ribs to get him to move.

“Wanna shower, stevie. Get up.”

When he pouts, you giggle and press a soft kiss to his lips. After he slips his cock out of you, he uses his thumbs to gently spread your lower lips. He ghosts his thumb through his cum that’s starting to leak out of you. When he’s done admiring his handiwork he pulls away and brings his thumb to his lips.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, honey.”, he murmurs and pulls you to your feet.

In the bathroom, he gets the shower started while you pee and attempt to clean yourself up with some wipes.

“Jeez, Steve.. there’s just so much of it.”

Steve snickers and pulls the shower curtain back for you. “Been savin’ it for you, babe.” he says with a cheesy wink.

You laugh and fake gag, “Gross”. Steve leans in and presses a kiss to your scrunched nose.

—-

a/n: thanks for reading! likes/reblogs/comments are always appreciated, and requests are always open!

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

need - m. murdock

a/n: y'all ever get ridiculously high and see a photo of the red and yellow daredevil suit and get sick with how badly you want matt murdock? i do. this is the product of that. its just a lot of fluff and kisses and banter and such

3:21 A.M.

You will yourself not to fall asleep, not just yet. But, you curl into a pillow as your eyes grow heavy, your brain starting to wander somewhere far away from Hell’s Kitchen. Your breathing is slow, and these are your favorite moments.

They’re filled with anticipation, a calm before the storm. Most nights, you’re too anxious to sleep. And maybe it’s because you know he’s putting himself in danger. But you have this fleeting suspicion in the very back corner of your mind that it’s because you yearn for him so intensely, that you burn not with anxiety.. But with longing.

The window barely creeks as he opens it, knowing your relaxed form is curled up in between silk sheets just a couple of feet away.

“Hey Daredevil,” You hum softly, sleepy eyes watching as he climbs inside your bedroom, “City finally sleeping?” You wonder, and he just scoffs.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” He responds, and you just grin at how brooding he is.

“Nice suit,” You start, “Makes your thighs look great.”

“Thanks.” He hums, “Must be some suit if it gets pretty things like you to notice me.” You roll your eyes, and you open your mouth just to tease him, but he sits his pretty ass down right onto your amazing and gorgeous silk sheets! That he insisted on!

“Oh, do not tell me you are sitting on my pretty sheets! Matthew!” You huff, gently kicking his back.

“Ow—Hey!” He laughs, squirming a bit. “I thought you were happy to see me!”

“I was—I am!” You remind, “But you’re getting dirt, blood, or—Whatever in our bed!”

“You’re bruising my kidneys,” He laughs as he slumps back, feeling as you kick him—Well, kicking seems so violent, you’re just trying to push him off a bit. He reaches behind himself to grab your ankle.

“Fuck them kidneys!” You say between laughs, and then you move to push him off the bed, leaning up against him as you push.. You’re not very successful.

“Oh my god,” he laughs, and then he twists his body and grabs you by the arms to pull you onto his lap. “You’re such a brat.” He clicks his tongue, and you just shake your head.

“I just don’t like devils in gold getting my sheets dirty.” You defend. He tilts his head. Then, he lets go of one of your arms and pulls his helmet off, a smirk on his face.

“Maybe it won’t bother you if you can’t see it.” And your brain takes just a second to buffer before you realize what’s happening.

“Daredevil, I swear to—” You move to get off his lap but Matt simply grabs you by the waist and pulls your back against his chest, his arm wrapping around your torso.

“Okay, Easy,” He grins, before placing the helmet over your eyes. You blink as you get used to the lack of light.

“Kinda smells like you,” You confess, and he laughs, leaning down to kiss your neck. That’s all it takes to get you melting against him. But it’s only after a minute to you wiggle to get off his lap, “I’m still mad at you,” You inform.

“Fine,” He concedes, “I have to shower anyways.”

“Finally, something we can agree on.” You hum, and he stands up, taking a few steps towards the bathroom as you pull off his helmet, and you think, okay, great, he’s finally gonna clean off that musk— “Matthew!” You yelp as Matt swoops down and picks you up from behind, bridal style.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” He hums, “I lied.”

“Yeah, I figured—” but before you can finish, he tosses you right onto the bed. You groan as you land on the bed. And then, Matt climbs into bed next to you. “Matthew, I swear to fucking god—”

“Oh, stop,” He hums softly, “I just want to lay with you here,” He hums as you climb on top of him, resting on his lower stomach before his hands find your waist.

“I can’t believe you’re ruining the silk sheets that we got because of your senses.” You shake your head.

Matt elects to ignore your concerns.

“Do you really like the suit?” He wonders, and you just grin.

“You look very sexy in it,” You promise, and he grins.

“Okay,” He starts, “Give me a kiss and I’ll go shower.” He promises, and then he purses his lips—Of course, you lean down and kiss him, wondering if normal couples knew how much they’re missing out on.

But it only lasts a moment, because then, with a groan, Matt sits up, beginning to rub your sides. He’s a man of his word, and the quicker he showers, the quicker he’ll come back. So, begrudgingly, you climb off him.

“Go shower,” You request, and he leans over and kisses your cheek, so you add, “Hurry back.” And you can feel his lips form a smirk against your cheek.

As soon as Matt’s in the bathroom, you peel off the sheets that were on your bed, putting the spare set of soft sheets onto the mattress. Then, you’re too excited for your boyfriend to come back to rest, so you make your way to the kitchen to make Matt a snack; He should be hungry, and you’d genuinely rather pull teeth than let him go to bed hungry.

Your kind gesture is interrupted, though. As you pull out the peanut butter he likes from the cupboard, you hear light footsteps behind you and before you can react, he has again swept you off your feet, but now.. His warm skin is pressed against you, because Matthew has swept you off your feet in just his boxer briefs.

His hair is still damp from the shower, and you’re sure if you leaned up to kiss his scruff, that would be just a tad damp. So, you’re too enamored to protest when he picks you up, hauling you off to the bedroom, with your new sheets, and he gently tosses you onto the mattress.

You don’t have time to say anything before him when he climbs into bed after you, climbing on top of you. His hands find yours, linking your fingers together.

“Comfortable?” He asks you. You grin at him.

“Mhm,” You hum, “But I think you need to kiss me.”

“Need? I don’t know about—” He cuts himself off with an ‘oomph’ as you shift your position, now on top of him.

“Yeah. Need.” You hum, leaning down to kiss him again.

Matt’s new suit and helmet lays sprawled out in your apartment, but he decides kissing you at three something in the morning is much more important than that.

[pixiexdusts-world]

More than just friends

Kang Dae-ho x bestie!reader

I could tell something was up with Dae-ho the moment I walked into his apartment. Normally, he’d greet me with some sarcastic comment or a smug grin, but tonight he just stood there, looking like a kid caught stealing candy. For someone who had survived life-or-death games, you’d think he’d handle casual conversation better.

“You okay, Dae-ho?” I teased, tossing my bag onto the couch. “You look like you’ve just lost a game of marbles.”

He gave me this awkward half-smile, the kind that said he was trying too hard to act normal. It was weird seeing him like this—he’s usually so self-assured. It made me pause, my teasing fading into concern.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” I asked, sitting down and patting the spot next to me.

He hesitated before sitting down, rubbing the back of his neck like he was gearing up for something. “Can we talk?”

Now I was really curious. “Of course. What is it?”

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. Just stared at the floor, his jaw tight like he was trying to figure out how to put something into words. I waited, giving him the space he needed. That’s how we worked—he didn’t open up easily, but he always came around eventually.

Finally, he looked up at me. “You’ve always been there for me. Through everything. And I… I don’t think I’ve ever said it properly, but you mean a lot to me.”

I felt my heart skip. This wasn’t like him at all.

“I care about you,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “Not just as a friend. As… more than that. I’ve been feeling this way for a while, and I didn’t know how to say it, but—would you go on a date with me?”

For a second, I just stared at him. It was like my brain short-circuited. I had spent so long being his best friend, his safe space, that I’d never let myself imagine something more. But now that he was saying it, it all made sense—why my heart always felt lighter when I was around him, why I worried about him even when I didn’t need to.

Finally, I smiled, trying to hide the fact that my face was probably burning. “Dae-ho, I thought you’d never ask.”

The relief on his face was so obvious it made me laugh. He leaned back, letting out a breath like he’d just survived another challenge.

“Really? So, all this time you’ve just been waiting for me to figure it out?” he asked, his smirk creeping back in.

I rolled my eyes, nudging him. “You’re smart, but you’re clueless when it comes to this kind of thing.”

He laughed, and for the first time in a while, it felt like all the weight he carried was gone. “I’ll make it up to you. Dinner tomorrow? Somewhere nice.”

I raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You’d better. Impress me, Kang Dae-ho.”

He grinned, and in that moment, I realized something: we’d been through so much together, and now, we were finally stepping into something new. Something good. Something ours.

[maenoakasuna]

Hi! I saw your request post. Would you write a short platonic fic with either Alastor or Lucifer? I don’t see very many of those often and they’re cute and funny. Thanks!😁

Them as a Boyfriends

• Hello ! Sorry for the waiting, but the request is finally out ! So, it's not a fic, but more some uncanon fact about Lucifer and Alastor as boyfriend. I wasn't sure what did you mean by platonic so I stayed in the romantic part, somehow. It's not 100% romantic but I think it's still cute. Hope You will ( all ) like it :)

_________________________ L U C I F E R ________________________

-Will always Hold your hand in public or give a kiss on it

-He will open every door for you or push the chair when you’re sit on it ( What a gentlemen )

-If you’re sick he will rush to the drugstore and maybe overreact by buying every meds or painkiller he could find, just to be sure you will have to good thing

-If you fall asleep somewhere, he will gently bring you to your room without waking you up. He will just take you in his arms.

-At Night, if you’re not able to sleep, he will take you in his arms and fly across hell to show you everything. 

-He’s not jealous but if you spend more time with others and less with him, he will be sad and think he’s not enough for you. His insecurities and depression will take him over. He will say he’s alright but that’s not true. He just doesn't want to bother you with his negative thoughts. 

-If you’re mad about him, he will do EVERYTHING to get your forgiveness. He can’t handle you being mad at him. And he will sincerely be sorry for whatever He did.

-If you had a bad day, he will just prepare your favorite Meal, prepare you a hot bath with bubbles and after that you are gonna eat in front of your favorite movie or show with a lot of warm blankets.

-He’s not really good at cooking except for making pancakes but he try his best

-He's the kind of boyfriend to like wearing matching outfits or accessories.

-He’s the family type of guy. Will be more than happy to have kids with you if it’s what you want to, but will never pressure you or talk about it if it’s not something you plan. He already have charlie anyway and he’s 100% with that.

-If you have periods, he’s the type to get a little nervous and will ask you if you need anything, but he’s kinda scared of the side symptome. Like should he give you chocolate and cuddle you or should He just give you space ? He doesn't really know how to handle that but he always does his best. Just tell him what you need.

-His favorit type of kiss his on the forehead. Lips are cute but forehead kisses are everything. It mean more to him than any other type of kisses.

-His favorit pet name for you is : Little Love or My love

_________________________A L A S T O R_________________________

-Showing affection his not his cup of tea, but sometimes, he will put his arm around your waist.

-Just like Lucifer he will open every door for you, like a gentlemen.

-He usually don’t care when people ask him to do something, but coming from you he will do it without even asking.

-He’s a great cook and now how to cock many things. Ask and you will have.

-Will agree to do skin care with you or let you paint his nails

-If you’re sick he will wrap you in too much blanket and cook some soup, bring you medicinal tea and don’t you dare leave your bed.

-If you’re sad he will take you out for a walk and will let you talk about what happened. He will not say a word, just listen to you in silence until you reach a beautiful place. You will completely forget why you were sad and just enjoy the landscape.

-His favorite Pet Name for you gonna be : My Dear, darling

-If someone hurt you, physically or mentally, no one is gonna see this person ever again. If you ask him if he was him who did this, he will not deny it but will not say he did something. 

-He’s not jealous but he don’t like other touching you. If someone start to be to touchy with you, he will give this person a scary warning to fuck off.

-If you ever work with the Vees…darling, believe me, you want. You don’t want to face this creepy part of your boyfriend. 

-If you have periods, Alastor will stay calm, get you everything you need and even accept to cuddle if you are in pain.

-Even if physical touch is not his thing, his favorite place to kiss you is on the cheeks or the top of your hand.

-If you’re mad at him, he will apologize and that’s pretty much it. Get over it and if you don’t, that’s not his problem.

-If you fall asleep somewhere, he will put a blanket on you and stay close until you wake up and will escort you to your room, making sure you are safe.

-If you ever talk about having kids with him, he will just laugh and say with his natural big smile ‘’ I will think about it, my dear ‘’ ( Not, he will not )

-The only physical touch he really love, is when a nice music start, he like to take you for a dance and hold you close to him. He only dance with you. In private or public, he don’t care. That’s he’s way to show you love.

[mournwatch]

Hi again. Long post incoming and I apologize. It's just because I have a lot of thoughts about this, as a trans guy coming at this issue from another perspective. I'm not trying to fight but sort of... sing in reprisal if that makes sense lol. I think that this data could really use the context of how many AO3 authors writing sexual content about transmasc/trans man people are part of our community themselves. Knowing who is invested in writing this content is a crucial part of understanding what these statistics mean. (It's my hypothesis that the majority are trans, but this is not something I have checked.) And if it is majority trans people, I believe what we are seeing is not the sexualization of trans men by chasers or fetishists, but people exploring their own sexuality through a safe outlet in a community where they feel comfortable to do so.

I understand that the actual concern is that regardless of who is writing this content, there is a worry about harm being done by fic perpetuating trans men being burdened with feminizing/ fetishizing stereotypes. We did talk about this before and I remember. I think the perception of this harm is complicated considering that fandom spaces are by nature subcultural, and in mainstream (progressive/liberal) culture lives the inverse stereotype of trans men being held to standards of traditional masculinity. Between these two stereotypes, we are all just trying to find comfort and authenticity and somewhere to see ourselves reflected back.

I struggle to find any representation of gay trans men at all in most mainstream media content, and that is also sparse and tends to focus on adolescents anyway. Like Annie Marks' trans son Ben in the TV series Good Girls. I think the only nonhet romance with a transmasc character that I can think of in a widely viewed TV series was Jim and Oluwande in Our Flag Means Death. It's a vastly underrepresented category when you consider fiction as a whole (which does matter when talking about fandom since these source materials are the primary motivator for fan fiction to exist to begin with.) And that makes me also feel like there's plenty of space for people to fill that void with their own creations and experiences. Especially original content! Something I absolutely love to see.

With this in mind, this is just speculation based on my own experiences, but I don't think this stereotype would be so prevalent if it didn't resonate with people on a deeper level. There is an allure to being irrefutably trans in every way, but still a valued and active player in the fields of romance and sex. And to simultaneously break down the way people need men in society to be but still be seen and respected as a man/transmasc regardless of how many of these signifiers get eroded away. Because in fiction, you can do that, and having that escape is powerful. But yeah, it's worth asking these authors directly about their own thoughts on it. I personally completely understand the demand for this, because the kind of characters that I would make to represent myself and my sexuality almost never make it to TV, film, or games.

It truly is a stressful position to be in to hear about how the very thing that helped me be more comfortable with myself, my body, and my sexuality is the site of pain for other people in the community that I love. And I think a lot of others dont mean to be a source of anguish either. I'm speaking up partially even because I want to soothe some anxieties that might exist about the intentions of the people who write this sort of content who are similar to myself, and put a friendly face to it in a way. I don't know if any of this helped because I know big walls of text are intimidating, but I hope something here was meaningful. Thank you for looking into this data in the first place.

AO3 statistics for trans men

I looked at three main categories of ao3 stats: number of explicit fics, ratio of M/M to M/F fics, and different types of sex listed under "additional tags" (vaginal, oral, etc). There are definitely more things that could be looked at but these are what I focused on.

Explicit rating

At the time I collected these numbers (they've likely already changed, fic authors publish stuff fast) there were 14,221,609 total fics on ao3. Of those, 2,569,913 fics were rated "explicit," or 18.1% of fics. There were 91,487 fics tagged "trans male character," and of those, 43,845 were rated "explicit." That's 47.9% of fics tagged "trans male character."

Nearly half of all fics featuring trans men are explicit, compared to about a fifth of fics overall. This indicates that trans men are heavily sexualized in fandom spaces.

M/M vs M/F fics

For fics in general, there were about 2.0 times as many M/M fics as M/F fics (6,822,062 and 3,439,600, respectively). For fics tagged "trans male character," there were about 6.0 times as many M/M fics as M/F (68,507 and 11,359, respectively).

When filtering for fics rated "explicit," the difference in ratios is even more significant. Explicit fics in general had about 2.2 times as many M/M fics as M/F (1,616,555 and 743,455), while explicit fics tagged "trans male character" had 8.6 times as many M/M fics as M/F (38,490 and 4,489).

Fandoms in general tend to lean more towards M/M relationships than M/F relationships, but this discrepency is much stronger when it comes to trans men, and I'm not sure what the reason for that is. Trans men are more likely to be non-heterosexual than heterosexual, but not necessarily more likely to be attracted to men than women (a lot of trans men are bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc).

Trans male characters are more commonly shipped with men than women, to a greater extent than the overall fandom preference for M/M ships over M/F, and I'm not really sure why, but it's definitely interesting.

Additional tags

For explicit fics tagged as "trans male character," the most popular additional tag by far is "vaginal sex" at 13,685 fics (31.2% of explicit fics tagged "trans male character"). Since this tag doesn't necessarily refer to the trans male character (it could refer to a cis woman being vaginally penetrated by a trans male partner, for example), I filtered for fics tagged as M/M. That resulted in 12,504 fics tagged "vaginal sex," or 32.5% of explicit M/M fics tagged "trans male character."

Overall, for explicit fics tagged as "trans male character," the most common additional tags referring to different types of sex were:

Vaginal sex, at 13,685 fics

Vaginal fingering, at 9,908 fics

Oral sex, at 9,147 fics

Cunnilingus, at 7,712 fics

Anal sex, at 4,590 fics

There definitely are trans men out there who enjoy vaginal penetration/fingering or receiving cunnilingus, and many of the fics tagged as such might be reflective of that fairly common* experience for trans men. That being said, there is a really heavy emphasis on vaginas and vulvas in explicit fics about trans men, and I find that uncomfortable.**

*I think? Unsure how common it actually is

**BEFORE PEOPLE START MISINTERPRETING ME: I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable with trans men who enjoy using their vaginas/vulvas for sex, or the existence of that kind of fic. I'm saying that fandoms in general tend to focus on trans men having vaginas to an extent that I'm uncomfortable with.

[alexhasalotofthoughts]

Okay it's been long enough since TIT that I can share my thoughts with a clear head. I literally slept the whole of yesterday because I was so tired (thank you, London).

Seeing Dan and Phil was a really big deal for me—as I'm sure it is for most fans. I've been a fan of DnP since primary school and now I'm nearing the end of secondary school and the start of uni so this feels like a very big full circle moment.

As cringe and stereotypical as it is, DnP videos have always been there when I needed them. When I was having a bad day at school, or struggling to come to terms with my sexuality/gender, there were Dan and Phil, ready to put a smile on my face. Dan's coming out video was released the same year I started being bullied for my sexuality and seeing someone I looked up to as much as him be so honest and open really helped me to feel less alone. I rewatch that video a lot. I will always be grateful for that.

I've worn my Interactive Introverts bracelet everyday since I brought it with the DVD (my mum would not let me see them live at the time as I was "too young" lol) so Dan and Phil, in some way, have been there for every big and small moment in my life. They were technically there when I got an offer from the uni I want to go to. I literally wore a Dan and Phil shirt to my autism assessment. They were mentioned in my autism assessment report (though I am not the person who said that for the confessions part of the show, that was someone else. I am not trying to steal their thunder lol). I can't even begin to express what a big part of my life their videos have been.

As I'm sure has been mentioned many times by now, my show was filmed so I might even end up on YouTube or a DVD (PLEASE DAN AND PHIL, KEEP PHYSICAL MEDIA ALIVE) or something, though I doubt that because I was in the royal circle. Also a drunk girl hung if the balcony and heckled for most of the show. I think even ended up getting kicked out. I saw somewhere on twitter that Phil asked for her to be kicked or mentioned to staff that she was too loud but I have no idea how true that is as I was on the opposite side of the circle to her and I have never and probably will never speak to Phil to confirm this.

Other than that, though, the show was absolutely brilliant!

Genuinely! It was so funny and it was absolutely lovely being in a room of people who have the same interests as me; I literally saw a "Be More Chill" "Boyf" bag, "Heathers" tracksuit bottoms, a FNAF Bonnie keychain and a Doctor Who badge all in the space of 5 minutes of one another. My people. Someone even complimented my hat, though I find London so overwhelming that I forgot to respond properly lol (sorry hat person, you were very nice! I liked your whiskers!).

Before the show, they played "Hot To Go" by Chappell Roan, and the whole theatre sang and danced along, which was absolutely lovely!

I was laughing and cheering for about 2 hours straight, so I'd say it was money well spent, though my mum literally fell asleep during the first act so I don't know if she'd agree.

One thing I will say: seeing sister Daniel in the flesh is literally a HOLY experience—I am so... Gay? Straight? Bisexual?? I'm not sure which word go use in this situation but Daniel was hot, so who cares?

To conclude this overly long blog post no-one will read, it was fun and I feel like 12 year old me would look at me now and smile. I saw Dan and Phil live. I got an offer from the uni I wanted to study film! I write!! I have friends who care about me!! I'm not ashamed to like the things I like!! God, they would be so proud of me. And I am proud of them.

TIT pics below ;)

(That last pic was taken by my mum, hence why I look so awkward. I was happy, I swear.)

Thank you very much if you read this! I really do go on a lot but also this is my blog and I suppose that means I can go on as much as I want.

[greenerteacups]

What are your thoughts on the magic system, both how JKR has created it in canon and also how you have tried to deepen or change it in Lionheart? In a lot of fanon/other series there’s more clear rules surrounding use of magic and magical strength or talent than it seems like JKR developed in canon.

Current fantasy publishing has trended hard towards hard magic systems, i.e. systems with clear rules, limits, and costs, because those systems make it really easy to establish stakes. Sanderson's books are a great example of hard magic used well, because his books are really interested in how societies built around magic would use them to solve problems.

Soft magic, in contrast, doesn't operate on clear limits. But that doesn't mean it's bad, it's just a different kind of worldbuilding. In his article, Sanderson points out that while hard magic systems thrive on getting the reader invested and scheming with the characters, it de-mystifies the "magic" of it all; it basically becomes technology. Meanwhile, soft magic systems are great at mustering awe and wonder. The risk of a hard magic system is you make your world feel mundane. The risk of a soft magic system is you make your stakes feel irrelevant. Neither of these are necessarily true, they're just risks you need to manage when you're writing. And good authors can manage them. For soft magic writers, you need to be really careful to show that your universe has problems that magic can't solve, even if you don't break down why it can't solve them. Martin and Tolkien are great examples of this. Why can't the eagles fly everyone to Mount Doom? I dunno, but I know they can't! And I trust that a world with his richness and verisimilitude, things happen for reasons, and those reasons, if explained to me, would be satisfying. When Tolkien tells me the eagles aren't a viable solution to the problem of the Ring, I just trust him. Because he's put in the work to make this world believable. Do I need him to invent some fictional rule about eagles being, like, physically unable to cross over that mountain range? What would that accomplish? The thing about magic being soft is you can just accept that sometimes It Doesn't Work, and you're fucked. So there's still a sense of tension and stakes for your characters, because they can't always depend on magic to get the job done. Another way around this problem is just to make the stakes of your series rest on something that magic can't solve, like emotional conflict, or a mystery. This is actually most of the Harry Potter books, in my opinion; they have pretty good stakes that almost always stem from human beings in conflict with each other, which isn't something that you can wave a wand and make go away.

Rowling's magic system is somewhere between hard and soft, whereas you can do X and reliably expect Y magical outcome, but also, it's pretty soft where the limit is. I don't mind this, because I'm pretty willing to handwave glitches in the magic system where it improves the story — so long as it's not a glitch that opens a plot hole, I'm fine not understanding How or Why Exactly a given piece of magic was executed. Dumbledore's escape from the aurors in fifth year, for instance. I don't know how he did that! Doesn't bother me. Because plot-wise, it doesn't make a difference. Because whether or not Dumbledore uses a mechanic I'm familiar with doesn't change the impact of the scene or my understanding of his abilities. The point is that he's super powerful and it would take way more than four aurors to nab him. Cool! Got it. No problem. But if Dumbledore was able to cast a spell that made Umbridge resign? I would be pissed. I don't want magic to fix that problem! I want the characters to develop and emotionally respond to challenges! Don't fuck with my stakes, man!

What also bothers me is when the books introduce technology that does work like straight-up hard magic, i.e., Time Turners. There is no reason a Time Turner should ever fail. It doesn't have a cost; it doesn't have a limit. This is insanely OP, and Rowling has admitted that it kind of fucked her worldbuilding. So I took it out in my fic, because I didn't want to be assed. I've peppered in a few limitations of my own on some things; I've hardcore nerfed Apparation, because I like travel sequences and I think teleportation is boring. The nature of the resurrection magic used by Voldemort seems big enough that there frankly should be a cost, so I'm thinking about that as I'm writing Book 6. Same with the horcruxes. In general, I think the nature of "dark magic" wants more explanation, so I'm trying to get into that more in the future. Plus also Lily's blood protection, and the horcrux/soul-splintering thing, and basically What All Went Down, Magically Speaking, With The Potters—? I'm interested in that. It implies the existence of much older and weirder magical mechanics than we've seen in the rest of the series. How can you do magic unintentionally? Was it unintentional? Much to figure out.

The spell system in general I don't mind, although I think Avada Kedavra is a terrible idea. you have this beautiful unbounded combat system that could be so creative and then you just. gave every wizard a gun. Sad! Also, I really like the idea in the last book of "you have to mean it," with respect to the Unforgivables, which ties in with how the Patronus requires an emotional component; it implies something about intention and willpower that seems like a potentially interesting mechanic.

[solplease]

here's something no one asked for, my ocs when they were a bit younger! :] (more like how they were in highschool lmfao) ((not aster tho sorry my king. u did not have a highschool.))

as always, close ups and more info under the cut!! OH and i put an updated relationship chart at the very end!! it's in writing this time because i thought that would be easier (it's long.) </3 i am so sorry in advance there's a lot under this HAHA

lune:

lune was a little shit, he's very rebellious now but he was even more rebellious when he was a teenager lmfao

he would CONSTANTLY get into fights, anyone that pissed him off he did not hesitate to attack

his relationship with his parents was already bad but it quickly deteriorated at this point in time

he was relatively popular in school but uh, everyone stayed away from him or tried to be on his good side because... well yk! didn't wanna get attacked..?

also people thought he was annoying but hey at least he was good looking!

he did not know he was popular btw. like at all, no idea, still doesn't know

his grades were like... okay, not great, but not bad, and he would skip class a lot... dumbass

his nails were constantly painted different colours bc cecilia would do them often, he was also never seen without a bracelet on his right wrist

huge troublemaker (some things never change!)

he hasn't really changed since then lmao

cecilia:

she was a bit more reserved back in highschool, still nice and friendly but she had a hard time approaching others because she was nervous (and others found her a bit intimidating cause she didn't smile much) ((and she's related to lune and that guy was known for being crazy))

her and lune were known as "those rich twins"

was constantly stressing over lune because of how much he got in trouble it's not like their parents would do anything about it.

kept her hair long and undyed! she liked doing different things with her hair and would try out diffy styles a lot of the time

she liked having long hair, and randomly cut it off impulsively lmfao (3 am on a school night, she couldn't sleep and was like ok why not)

good student, wasn't always at school but she was doing well

hated going to school, couldn't tell you why, just hated it

she was really awkward as a teen, but she was trying her best

always had bracelets on, if you saw her she had a bunch on her left hand, and then just one on her right.

always had her nails done (she did them herself ^^)

would always carry a few hair ties on her in case any one needed to tie their hair

one time she tried to be cool and approached a girl who didn't have a hair tie and just dropped it in her hands and walked away (she then walked out of class bc she felt embarrassed)

she tried out a lot of different clothing styles

nox:

so, he still had a shitty sleep schedule!

hard to find, he was always somewhere, no one knew where tho

good student, did not give two shits about school though

not very memorable? he was quiet and would leave as soon as he could

every time there was a group project he would ask the teacher to work alone

didn't have any friends.

his classmates were kinda scared of him lol

would braid his hair a lot

had blue on him at all times, there will ALWAYS be blue in his outfits, whether it’s the shirt, pants, or a hair tie, he always had SOMETHING blue on him (this applies now too)

no one really knew much about him, and he liked keeping it that way

fuckass edgelord (kinda)

he was always like 5 minutes late to his first class (there was a cat that would wander around in front of the school and... he couldn't resist)

he would go see that cat every day btw. before and after school, he would also go eat lunch outside so he could see the cat (and he always brought something for it too!)

loser

cassian:

very social! had a lot of friends and was very outgoing

always doodling in class

he was rather popular! and well i guess some people didn't like that

he was known as the rich kid but people were always giving him things because he was super sweet HAHA

a really bright and helpful guy

he was usually seen with a smile on his face

it's a shame how things turned out, hm?

he would bring his shoujo manga to class and just read that (he was always sitting at the back of the classroom bc he was tall so the teachers didn't really pay attention to what he was doing)

and in the rare chance his teachers saw him doing something other than classwork they would mostly let it slide, he's a good kid, so it's fine (favouritism.)

lowkey the typical popular shoujo manga male lead (wow! just like he wanted!)

really good student too, always on top of his stuff

he had these sword earrings that he really liked, he used to wear them a lot!

always wore darker and muted colours, and liked more comfortable clothing

no one said anything but they really missed him after he left, maybe if someone helped him, things would've been different

rowan:

was completely different when he was younger

always angry, or sad, no one really knew what he looked like when he smiled

no one knew what was going on with him

but he was quiet, and didn't talk to many people, he wasn't a mean or scary kid, but people were still intimidated by him

his hair was longer and uneven, it looked like he had cut random bits and pieces

he was smart but wasn't doing so well in school

it always looked like something was stressing him out

he would stay behind after school

tense and uneasy most of the time

hair super healthy tho LMFAO (his mom would oil his hair regularly!)

he was completely different around his mom though, his source of comfort

if anyone from highschool saw him now they'd think he was a completely different person (in terms of personality, since he looks... pretty much the same)

although, in the last few months of highschool, his demeanor had changed for the better, he didn't smile much still but he looked a lot more relaxed and calm

aster: (his stuff is different because he didn't have school in his world lmfao. but here's how he was as a teenager and some other info about him!)

his hair was reallyyyyyyy long when he was still in his world (you end up cutting his hair when he came here lmfao)

he was really lonely because he was the only elf in his world and he had no company whatsoever

he ended up collecting a lot of things because he would wander around a LOT

dora the explorer has nothing on him bro

he was (and is) very curious about things, he really likes to learn

he somehow learned how to braid his own hair, would spend a lot of time doing that when he was bored

he has a horrible sense of fashion, you took him shopping once and he picked out the worst fucking outfits in existence, you're basically his personal stylist cause what the hell

he likes when you dress him up though teehee

he originally saw you in a mirror he found when wandering in the forest

he became really really curious about you and accidentally yanked you to him

he was confused but really happy

blah blah blah you end up living together, we all know the story! (if you don't, you suggested he followed you because you felt bad for him cause he was PAINFULLY lonely)

you took it upon yourself to cut his hair because it was REALLY long when you first met him, he likes having his hair long though, mourned the loss of his two front strands (he will be growing them back.)

he didn't talk to you for a few days after you cut his hair for the first time, wasn't your fault... you accidentally cut off one of the front strands and had to cut the other off to make it even

fun fact about him, his eyes glow in the dark, it can be scary at times.

oh and his ears are expressive, dunno how that works but it does! and he also never goes a day without wearing earrings! he prefers the ones he came with but doesn't mind wearing whatever as long as he has earrings haha

now for the updated relationship chart! (this whole post has been about them from a few years ago but this is their current relationships with each other!)

ROWAN -> LUNE: he’s a weirdo but i’m glad we’re friends, i can handle his craziness more than most people… probably, i’d say he’s like a brother to me, but at the same time i’d probably lose my mind if he was my brother. no idea how cecilia does it

LUNE -> ROWAN: somehow he’s gotten used to me, he’s not so bad, i guess i’d call him a friend

ROWAN -> CECILIA: she’s like a little sister to me! cute! we’re good friends :] i met her through lune, they’re close! we’re like siblings the three of us

CECILIA -> ROWAN: reliable and nice! i wonder how he’s friends with lune. also. we’re the same age?? he’s real sweet tho, and he’s kind of like a big dog? haha

ROWAN -> NOX: who? :D

NOX -> ROWAN: i’ve seen him before (around the twins) he’s close to cecilia and that other guy who she's unfortunately related to

LUNE -> CECILIA: my little sister <3 we are best buddies, i’d do anything for her, she was there with me in our hardest moments, i wouldn’t let anyone hurt her, and she wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, one of the only people i’ll listen to lmao (she’s kinda scary when she’s mad at me but it’s also kinda funny?) i like bothering her but she might kill me one day though. she hides herself a lot, i don’t know why, it’s always been like this. i wonder if it’s because of me..?

CECILIA -> LUNE: dawg you’re like two minutes older than me (won’t deny the best buddies comment) he’s a really good brother though… but tough to deal with, he’s always causing some sort of trouble, but uh, well. anyway, we’re basically best friends… his words, not mine (she’s lying) he’s crazy but he’s not a bad person..? <- would defend him with her life. he’s an interesting fella that’s for sure, i’ve known him my whole life but there’s always something new with him lmfao. sometimes he comes into my room to knock something over and then he leaves, what an odd guy.

LUNE -> NOX: cocky asshole. so annoying. go to hell already. and stay away from my sister, i don't want you plaguing her with your presence.

NOX -> LUNE: fuck you insane bastard, go die.

CECILIA -> NOX: he’s pretty sweet (??????) we’re really great friends! i didn't think we would become such good friends tbh, he didn't seem to be the social type, and i'm not very social either haha... we're pretty similar i think! i can't remember who approached who first but that's fine. also, this guy has one of the worst damn sleep schedules known to man, i worry for that man. also, him and lune hate each other, no idea why.

NOX -> CECILIA: she's a close friend, i don't usually like making friends cause they end up thinking i'm weird, i don't really care about that but... i'll admit, it's nice to have a friend. she acts really differently in front of other people than she does with me, i don't think she's realized though? it's like having a cat open up to you haha, so i won't say anything. i hate her brother though, pretentious dickhead.

CASSIAN -> CECILIA: we were kids when i met her and her brother? she’s nice… and a lot like me… we still talk, she’s a good friend, thanks for keeping me company… and thanks for not asking me too many questions either

CECILIA -> CASSIAN: oh! cass is a childhood friend! we met at some event, he’s changed a lot since then, but i guess we’re more alike now? he doesn’t come out of his house much anymore, but we still text often. sometimes i see him online really late... bro... please get some sleep.... anyway, i never got to know what happened with him, and he doesn't like talking about it either, i won't pry though, because i understand.

CASSIAN -> LUNE: he’s scary, but i guess he’s not that bad..? i talk to him too, we’re not the closest, but he’s still a friend, i text him sometimes, he’s crazier than before, he was fun to hang out with when we were young, not that i don't like him anymore, he's definitely... special

LUNE -> CASSIAN: i don’t know what happened to him, but he doesn’t leave the house anymore, he’s not bad. he texts sometimes, i don’t know why because i think he’s scared of me, no idea why tho (???) i guess he’s a childhood friend? him, ceci, and i used to hang out before… well yeah, still don't know what went down

CASSIAN -> NOX: oh… i’ve never met him. cecilia’s told me about him before, lune’s mentioned him once, they have really different opinions about him

NOX -> CASSIAN: no clue, cecilia’s mentioned him before, i think he’s friends with her and… the other one.

CASSIAN -> ROWAN: another one of lune and cecilia’s friends i think? they sure are popular. (even lune???)  i dont know anything about him though

ROWAN -> CASSIAN: no idea who this guy is! 

ASTER: ??? :’D 

[sujiverse]

— ୨ৎ . . . zero-zero-two !

sypnosis: just when suji thought it would become worse, she founds herself slowly warming up to the boys.

genre/s: fluff

warning/s: none

word count: 1,584

a/n: not proof read again

“How is it, so far?” Suji took a sip of her iced americano. She stayed silent for a couple of seconds, not wanting to discuss anything regarding the new surroundings. Suyeong, her older sister, rolled her eyes at the way she was acting.

“Come on, little sis. I’m pretty sure it wasn't that bad.” Seeing how the latter zoned out got Suyeong thinking. Suji, on the other hand, her mind drifted off to the first few days being around the new trainees which was definitely something. “Nothing much happened. It was awkward and—” she paused, “something I couldn't pinpoint.”

Her older sister was about to take a bite of the cheesecake she ordered, but stopped when she heard Suji talk. “Tell me what happened that made you think about that.” The younger female sighed, putting herself in a more comfortable position before she narrated the prior days.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

No one spoke as they arrived at the practice room with Suji. There was tension going in the air as a result of the sudden, overwhelming news to the trainees. All the cameras in the room were turned off. No staff member was inside to give them the time and space to know about each other all by themselves. The only female member’s patience was already running out because they could've used the entire time waiting for someone to talk for their practice.

“We’re just wasting our time.” She spoke, making all heads snap to her way. “Is no one gonna introduce themselves?” The boys exchanged looks, wondering who would like to go first. Suji looked uninterested and kept taking a glance at her watch for the time. Someone cleared their throat and that caught her attention.

The boy smiled at her, his smile reaching his eyes. “Hi, I’m Kwon Soonyoung.” That's why he was familiar. She remembered bumping into him the day she arrived at Pledis, for sure he wouldn't be able to recall it. The person beside him began introducing himself right after up until it went back to her so-called enemy. Seungcheol. He still had the same expression on his face, looking so stern and serious.

“I’m Choi Seungcheol.” His tone was so cold, Suji bet she thought she was living somewhere in the North. She had heard about him a lot—how he was brought up as a potential leader by one of the staff and she could see it. Just from his aura, there was something about him that could make him intimidating. The female nodded, quite happy that everyone was given the spotlight to introduce themselves. Maybe it was a little step, but she knew it was something.

She took her mask off and straightened her posture, she took in the gasps from her sides. “Again, I’m Suji. You might feel like you've seen me somewhere and you're right. Suyeong from afterschool is my older sister because of her I was able to visit the company at a very young age. Unfortunately, before they could even cast me I was casted by a huge entertainment company.” Seokmin, who was beside her, had a shocked face as she turned to him because of the noises he tried to suppress.

“But I think the story screams for another time?” Some of the trainees groaned and she couldn't help but chuckle. “I don't know what you’ll feel about it, but I’ve debuted before.” she hesitated, her eyes moving to take quick glances at each of the trainees. “I’m not here to replace anyone, okay? I’m here to become a part of this team. I know you might feel like this is unfair, I feel it too. I understand your feelings, but I really don't have a say to it.”

Suji felt embarrassed, it was her first time meeting them and here she was—rambling about her thoughts. At first, she initially imagined herself being that cold and intimidating member yet as someone who was as soft as a marshmallow she wasn't able to handle it. “I won't expect for us to get close immediately, but if you need someone I’m here.” Right after she finished speaking, the choreographer entered the room and urged everyone to find their places so they could start their practice.

Seungcheol, who had been eyeing Suji earlier, was slowly bringing his walls down. The CEO wasn't someone who would make irrational decisions and probably thought this was for the better. He often found himself stealing glances at her, watching her do her best to keep up with the team. Maybe, one day he would be able to accept everything but for now, he’ll take one step at a time.

The female came in earlier than everyone. She was so used to the training she received from her previous company that she couldn't let go of it. Doing a few stretches definitely made her feel slightly better. These days, she has been feeling uncomfortable. Well, yes, partly because of the horrible first meeting she had with the boys, but also due to the ache in her knees.

A familiar melody echoed throughout the practice room, it made the latter close her eyes and let her body mindlessly move to the rhythm. There was this ache bubbling in her chest that she tried to ignore. Many thoughts ran through her head, mostly negative. She couldn't do it. Suji walked over to turn the music off—to change it to something that wouldn't make her heart break.

“Oh—hi...” A voice took her attention away from the laptop. Was it Chan? For a split second, she couldn't remember the name of the youngest trainee. Seeing the stoic expression on her face probably scared him that he immediately fixed his posture and bowed to greet her. “I’m Lee Chan.”

She just stared at him.

“I’m sor—”

“Shouldn't you be at school?” Suji crossed her arms, wondering why on earth was he here at this time when she overheard he had classes today from one of the boys. The younger one stayed silent, his lips zipped up as if he was trying to hide something.

Chan opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something but no words came out. Suji could see how he took a deep breath just so he could tell her what he wanted to say. “I..” She raised her eyebrow, almost wanting to laugh at how he gulped and let his eyes roam around the room in an attempt to not have eye contact with her.

“I wanted to…” He looked at his hands, fidgeting with it as he struggled to continue, “...know more about you, sunbaenim.” Suji didn't expect that. They only met yesterday and it was different from whatever was running through her mind. She was in disbelief that what she could only do was laugh and mutter, “What?”

Seeing how the maknae’s expression changed from being nervous to embarrassed made her clear her throat. She eyed him for a couple of seconds before she sat on the floor, patting the space in front of her for him to sit at. Chan’s eyes sparkled and the female felt warmth in her chest, it was like looking at how she acted before during her early trainee days.

“What did you want to know about?”

“Y-you debuted before, right?” Suji nodded and she knew where this was headed. “What happened?” She found herself staring at the wall, thinking of how she could tell everything to him. This wasn't the first time someone asked her about it, but she never really dared to answer. “You don't have to if you can't.” She shook her head and brought her knees to her chest.

She didn't know where to start. There were so many things that happened that for some of it, it was kind of a blur to her. Was it slowly becoming a trauma? Maybe. “I can't tell you every detail because I am not ready.” Chan nodded, understanding what she meant. “It's just sometimes, things you wouldn't expect would happen. At some point in your life, you think you’re slowly reaching your dreams and all of a sudden everything would go down.”

The younger male looked at her curiously, “Were you happy during that time?” It got her thinking. Was she?

“I think at the very start I was happy. It was so cool, you know, being able to perform in front of an audience.” A warm smile spread on her face as a few memories came to her mind. “Sometimes you just have to let go of things in order to grow.” She could feel tears brimming in her eyes, somehow it felt comforting to be able to talk about the past with someone new. Someone she knew would become a part of her life soon.

Chan hesitated yet still called her out, “Noona.” She hummed in response, tilting her head backwards to get rid of the tears that were forcing to come down before she looked at him. “I hope we stay together for a long time.” It brought another smile to Suji's face. “I hope so too.” She stood up and offered a hand to Chan.

“How about I show you new moves?” The youngest member eagerly nodded and held her hand. “Let's go!” The room was filled with laughter and smiles as the two of them turned the music on, dancing whatever move they could think off. What they didn't know was someone looking at them at the door with a big smile on his face.

[sturniololuvz]

“The breaking point”

Meanmattx reader

Warnings: crying , mean, alcohol,

Y/N sat on the couch, her phone clutched tightly in her hand. It was 2 AM, and she had been texting Matt for hours, her worry growing with each unanswered message. She had always struggled with standing up for herself, but tonight, her concern for Matt's safety overpowered her usual hesitance.

Finally, the door creaked open, and Matt stumbled into the apartment, reeking of alcohol. His eyes were bloodshot, and he could barely stand straight.

"Matt! Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" Y/N's voice trembled with a mixture of relief and anger.

Matt looked at her, his expression a mix of annoyance and drunken bravado. "Chill out, Y/N. I'm fine. Just had a few drinks with the guys."

"A few drinks? You’re completely wasted! You didn't even bother to answer my texts!" Her voice rose, the frustration she had bottled up for so long finally spilling over.

Matt staggered towards her, a sneer forming on his lips. "Oh, so now you're my mother? Always nagging, always worried. Maybe if you weren't so pathetic and needy, I wouldn't have to get away from you."

Y/N felt his words like a slap to the face. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "I was worried because I care about you, Matt. But clearly, you don’t care about me at all."

Matt laughed, a harsh, mocking sound. "Care about me? You don't even care about yourself. Look at you, always so weak and scared. No wonder everyone walks all over you."

The tears she had been holding back finally spilled over, and Y/N felt her heart shatter. She had always known Matt could be mean and cocky, but tonight, his words cut deeper than ever before.

"Matt, I... I can't do this anymore." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it held a strength she didn't know she had.

Matt scoffed, waving her off dismissively. "Whatever, Y/N. Go cry somewhere else. I'm going to bed."

As he stumbled into the bedroom, Y/N stood there, tears streaming down her face. She realized that she had reached her breaking point. She couldn't keep letting Matt's cruel words and actions tear her apart. It was time to find her own strength and stand up for herself, even if it meant walking away from the man she thought she loved.

---

The next morning, Y/N woke up with puffy eyes and a heavy heart. She glanced at the clock; it was 10 AM. Matt was still asleep, snoring loudly. She took a deep breath and decided it was time to confront him once he woke up. She couldn't let last night’s events slide.

Hours passed, and Matt finally stirred. He stumbled out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. "Morning," he grumbled, not even looking at Y/N.

Y/N felt a surge of determination. "Matt, we need to talk."

He rolled his eyes. "About what now?"

"About last night. About how you treat me. I can't keep living like this," Y/N said, her voice steady despite the fear gnawing at her.

Matt sighed dramatically. "Oh, here we go again. You're always so dramatic, Y/N. Can't you just let it go?"

"No, I can't. You were cruel to me, Matt. You called me pathetic and needy. You said I was weak. Do you even realize how much that hurt?" Her voice cracked, but she pressed on.

Matt shrugged, seemingly indifferent. "Maybe if you toughened up a bit, you wouldn't get hurt so easily."

Y/N felt a mix of anger and sadness. "This isn't about me toughening up, Matt. It's about you being a decent human being. I deserve respect, and if you can't give me that, then maybe we shouldn't be together."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"I don't know," Y/N admitted. "But I do know that I can't keep living like this. You need to change, or I need to leave."

Matt stared at her for a moment, then laughed bitterly. "Good luck finding someone who'll put up with your whining."

Y/N felt a pang of hurt, but she stood her ground. "I don't need someone to put up with me, Matt. I need someone who'll love and respect me. And if that's not you, then so be it."

Matt shook his head and walked away, muttering under his breath. Y/N watched him go, her heart heavy but resolute. She knew this was the beginning of a new chapter in her life, one where she would learn to stand up for herself and demand the respect she deserved.

---Au: hiii! hope this is good, definitely not the best but i think im going to start a chris series!! let me know what yall want it to be about 🩷

[setmeatopthepyre]

You’ve got my attention with number 4, waiting for evac 👀👀

Also it’s so interesting to me to see how you org size everything into its own document! Can I ask what writing program you use? Does each fic have its own folder? 👀👀👀

so I use LibreOffice Writer (basically word but open source and free and not from microsoft) and I've been trying out yWriter for outlining stuff. I'm kind of sort of new to writing so I don't really have a great system in place yet, as you might be able to tell lol. basically I use a ton of separate documents because when I have a Thought I need to put it somewhere immediately so I don't lose it, and thinking on where it's supposed to go is too much work in that moment. plus I kind of like having all these bits and pieces that could spark inspiration. I also don't have a separate folder for each fic but I probably should lmao.

as for number 4, waiting for evac: this is a longer scene that I've already partially shared in drabbles (though I don't know how many people caught on to where they were having their argument...), but there's more! I could share a little bit about the context of the scene / some of my notes if that's something people are interested in? but for now, have some more of buck & tommy talking.

-

"That's not the only reason."

Buck straightens. "Okay, so what else?"

"Do we really have to talk about this right now?"

"Is it the Abby thing? Because if anything, I'm the one who should be--"

"It's not the Abby thing." Tommy pulls at the hood of his parka, frowning as though it's bothering him. He huffs a sigh. "It's a little bit the Abby thing. But not--" He gives Buck a stern look, and Buck closes his mouth again. "Not the fact that you were the-- that you were in a relationship with her. It's about how you... talked about it." He swallows, grimaces like he's being forced to admit this under torture. "What she meant to you."

-

[wip titles game]

[kcalsforhim]

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ saturday 25 jan 2025

༄.°

hi everybody, i’m back after a little unannounced hiatus. i had some bad binge moments from wednesday to thursday.. i think on tuesday i had it bad too ? then on friday i omad’d sushi and ever since i’ve been feeling better

i had a really tough therapy appointment on friday, and it’s been weighing on me ever since, and i’ve not been getting my 10k steps because im so depressed about it im just resting non stop.. good thing restricting is becoming easier once again…

yesterday i woke up at noon, i worked on my animation project all day and i called with eli all day long.. then my mom came upstairs with a boba she made herself and watched me drink it and that made me really upset so i went and had my omad

100g cucumber — 12cal.

60g grenade oreo protein bar — 233cal.

total : 245cal

i had this after the day before i said i wasn’t hungry because i ate a lot of sushi, and that i might come downstairs for dinner later if i was hungry but i never came. i just called on the phone and spent my time drawing

adding these in because i forgot, inside look on how the protein bar looks when you open the package and when you have a bite.. it was ok.. tasted chemically… but it was good enough

i didn’t go outside today… didn’t feel like it.. too cold… even outside my room it’s too cold, i don’t feel like leaving my bed. too tired to walk on my walking pad, so i put it under my bed for the time being.

i stayed up untill about 1 am drawing, i went to pee and i came back to my bed and i genuinely think i just passed out. i remember trying to tell myself “come on ange, just a few more frames, you don’t need to color much more” but… i was too tired and sleepy… so i went to sleep anyway.

ever since i ate sushi i haven’t really thought of food, which is shocking bcs the days before i couldn’t stop binging untill my stomach felt like it would explode, hurting so so bad, and i would go to the bathroom and make space in my stomach just so i can eat more, the roof of my mouth sore from eating so much food, triggered at just the sight or smell.. but now, im ok. my mind is strange, i don’t get it, but im happy im ok. i will take every day where im ok as an advantage.. i was maybe set back by about 1 week… so i will just try to be ok for as long as i possibly can

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ stats for today

cals : 245

good calories, no movement, too depressed to go outside or go on a walk… i drink enough water tho… somewhere, also, the stress of not having to go on a walk is nice, because it’s easier for me to eat almost nothing. gonna try to stay on this diet as long as my mind lets me, it’s easy and makes me feel safe and comfortable

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ song rec

song reminds me of him, my husband… if you know… you know. but… likely, you don’t know. LMAO unless ur haku or eli, then u know for sure

༄.°

[callistocalavarni]

shifting storytime l X-files dr

another theme hope my future self likes this one sigh.. The words come easier to me when it's more recent shifts and I remember more so I’ll be writing about this one first. 

𓂅 ֢⊹

I love this dr dearly like most of my homes but there's something about this one that just makes me feel something else. Growing up watching the show made me feel comfort like nothing else. I was laying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling zoning out. I hadn't slept for a while, I had stayed up all night, I want to say it was due to sleeping issues but that would be a lie; I was watching youtube videos all night. And it was too early in the morning for me to fall asleep so I just stayed up for as long as I could. I had the thought about shifting here in my mind for a while so while I was zoning out I had begun to leave this reality. It was like my emotions were there and my senses were here for a while until I was fully there. I was then on my bed laying down, I have a very small but beautiful apartment. I couldn't see him but my s.o was cooking dinner and I remember hearing the sound of the food frying on the pan. I just stayed there for a bit, content that I wasn't moving. For some reason when I shift recently I end up going somewhere in a drastically different movement, I'll be laying down and then moving down a hill very fast. Anyway, I saw the view from my windows, the sun had just set, the summer breeze was drifting in. I felt at peace. At the moment I wasn't working, I scripted that I had previously modeled and then worked for NASA corps. It was pretty mundane at first, I had gotten up hugged my husband, ate, took a shower, and then wrote in my journal. My first few weeks looked like this along with chores, shopping and lots of napping.

My old coworkers' husband worked for the FBI and had offered me a job. I sat and thought about it, at the time I didn't remember this reality so I didn't know what the x-files was or really what I was setting myself up for. He reached out to me again and said he suggested they should meet me. I found it rude that he did that without my word but I would need to find a job soon, nasa's astronaut training was way too tiring to go back, and what else did I have to lose. - I hadn’t scripted any of this, I didn't know how I was going to land being there. I just let my subconscious do the work. I thought this was funny when I came back, so i'm putting it here. -

My husband is an architect working from home. He had finished his day up early that morning we had decided to go swimming. The drive was slow, quiet. The curve of the road was lethargic. This day was one of my favorites here, perfect weather, calm water. It was a good rest before I needed work. 

By late July it was apparent that the rest of my time would be filled with late night car rides, door to door interviews, sunflower seeds, sealed conversations in cheap hotels, blisters from heels and most importantly the most mind-numbing rants from mulder. Haha yeah skinner I'm not gonna make it into work today, I just saw an anomaly....???!!... The first moments of being here felt safe and warm but as I threw myself into my work it melted away into a dark surrealist tone. The dreamlike feeling of the cases, almost ominous, made me feel on edge. Although I fit flawlessly, it felt like I was third wheeling most of the time, a child sitting in the backseat while her parents were bickering. Of course I'm exaggerating but it was a normal occurrence for me to turn up the radio to tune them out. 

Thats all I feel like writing for now I need to study..

[storiesbyrhi]

Part Four: Friends, family, feelings

Eddie Munson x Reader Series Masterlist 1256 Words

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.

Warnings: canon typical violence, references to sexual assault, swearing, drug and alcohol use, sexual references, child neglect, death/grief, references to organised crime

Late, October 29, 1995

“Gideon’s Pawn Shop just burned down to the foundation,” Grange announced, walking into a room where Brenner sat at a large table. The room was otherwise unoccupied. It was cold, industrial. What Brenner was doing was in there was anybody’s guess.

“Nobody cleared this little event with me,” Brenner replied.

“I didn’t have nothing to do with that,” Neil piped up, lingering in Grange’s shadow.

“And I’m sure you must be awfully disappointed,”

“And I got trouble. One of my crew just got himself perished,”

“And who might that be?”

“Tin Tin… Someone stuck his blades in all his major organs in alphabetical order.”

Brenner looked at Neil. “Well, gentlemen, by all means… I think we ought to have an introspective moment of silence for poor ol’ Tin Tin.”

Neil knew better than to reply to that.

“You’re working for me tomorrow night, right?” Brenner asked.

“Whatever you say, I can do,”

“Good. That’s very good… That’s very reassuring… So, I haven’t heard the story of why Gideon’s burned down? Was it a natural catastrophe or an act of God or something? Call it my need to know.” Brenner nodded at Grange.

The Pit was no place for a teenage girl. It was no place for anyone with a soul, really. Still, Max walked into the bar with her skateboard in hand. She located her mother.

“I told you not to come in here,” Susan whispered.

“Guess I shouldn’t expect you home tonight?”

Susan sighed. She pulled some dollar bills from her bra and put them on the bar. “Go get some food,”

“Someone already bought me dinner,” Max spat. “The police!” She said it loudly, ruffling the feathers of more than one patron.

“Shhh!” Susan warned.

“Don’t bring him home. Especially if he’s got his asshole son with him,”

“Maxine!” was called from somewhere behind her.

Max grimaced. She knew that voice. “Speak of the asshole himself.”

Billy laughed. “Why don’t you go play with your dolls or something, huh?”

Max threw him a look and the finger, grabbed the money, and left.

Billy took her place in front of Susan. “Better get your little bitch under control there. Don’t want T-Bird hearing about her quality time with Hop the Cop, yeah?”

Susan clenched her teeth, lowered her gaze, and nodded.

Max skated through the dark, wet streets. She was upset but wouldn’t let it show. She concealed as much as she could. Still, she often got lost in her thoughts, her memories. They hurt like a bad headache.

She was under one of these spells as she skated out onto the road. Someone grabbed her from behind, saving her from becoming roadkill. She thrashed in their arms, screaming, “Get off me, you creep!”

Eddie let her go.

Max yelled after the car, “You didn’t slow down, dickhead!”

“He couldn’t have stopped,” Eddie said.

“Whatever. I could’ve made it…” She looked at him, though he tried to hide his face. “What are you supposed to be? A clown or something?”

“Or something,” he replied.

Max shrugged and moved to retrieve her skateboard from the gutter. “It’s more like surfing than skating out here,” she said absently. “I wish the rain would stop just once,”

“It can’t rain all the time.”

Max knew that voice. She knew that line. “Eddie?!” She spun around, but the street was deserted.

Hopper sat at his desk drinking coffee from a mug that read ‘mornings are for coffee and contemplation.’ It was a few hours until midnight.

“Don’t thank me,” Office Annie Cooper-Smith said as she dropped a file on his desk. “Are we fighting the good fight?”

Hopper hesitated. “Double homicide a year ago. No convictions…”

Annie took the paper from Hopper and read aloud. “We, the undersigned tenants of 1986 Caulderon Court Apartments- What is this? A petition?”

“A big kick-me sign for a very nice girl who found herself a cause,”

“A cause that got her killed?”

Hopper said nothing.

“She was fighting tenant eviction in that neighbourhood?”

Hopper sighed. He said your name. Paused. “Her and her heavy metal boyfriend Eddie Munson.”

Annie left Hopper to look over the files. He found a picture of Eddie. It was a promotional shot taken of his band, Corroded Coffin. Hopper pulled out a black pen and coloured in Eddie’s face.

Hopper was keeping his own secrets. Maybe, he thought, so was someone else.

November, 1994

It only worked until Hopper walked in. Before him, you’d been feigning some sort of amnesia.

It wasn’t as though it was easier pretending you’d forgotten. That’s why people usually faked memory loss, you figured. Remembering hurt, so it was easier not to. Easier to bury the past. The truth was, either way was agony. Either way was an army crawl through Hell.

You pretended you’d forgotten so you didn’t have to say it out loud. So you didn’t have to use words to describe the sound of Eddie’s scream or your own death rattle. Describe the sensation of a knife hitting your bones. Describe the torture. The rape. The begging. The sobbing. The extinguished hope that accompanied knowing Eddie could not have possibly survived the fall, despite what Hopper told you.

You pretended so you didn’t have to tell anyone what it meant to die. Or how you’d never forgive them for bringing you back to a world without Eddie.

Hopper, who hadn’t always been a good cop but had always been a good person, told you that if there was any shot at putting the men responsible behind bars, you had no choice but to remember. And he had no choice but to hand you over to people who could protect you.

April, 1995

It had been over 150 days without Eddie. Over 150 days since you’d died. Brought back. Induced coma. Awake. Relocated. Hidden. The hospital staff were told, once you’d been moved, you’d passed away. Everyone involved – the cops, paramedics, all your friends and family – thought you’d died and resided six feet under alongside Eddie.

Hopper held that secret and buried all the guilt that came along with it. The penance he’d pay for lying to the grieving was keeping a close watch over Max, buying her hotdogs when she’d not eaten, staying on her case when she skipped school, learning the difference between a kickflip and an ollie.

You didn’t speak to him. There had to be no connection between your life before and your life now. No Max. No Gabriel. Just long days of nothingness as you went through the motions.

In just under 200 days, it would be Halloween again.

You counted the days since. Counted the days to. Counted the physical scars. The permanent and lingering consequences of the attack. All the ways you continued to hurt. Nothing helped. It was all morphine for a wooden leg.

October 29, 1995

You had the news on all day, waiting for the reports to roll in. Devil’s Night was spreading, an epidemic. A war America was losing. But still, it was always the worst in the city you used to know.

It always started with a single flame. The fires were beacons, urging on all the people just itching to come undone. Vandalism. Looting. Carjacking. Robbery. Assault. Murder. It wouldn’t end. Not for days.

You didn’t know what you were watching for. It wasn’t like Brenner or any of his pawns were going to be rounded up and carted off to prison. Still, whatever was going to happen, you were bearing loyal witness.

End Note: There are a lot of iconic lines from the film and comics. Iconic, but a little cliche. We are cringe, but we are free.

We have obviously diverged from canon and now, and this marks the halfway point. How are feeling? xo Rhi

Fic Taglist (open): @mrsjellymunson @princesssunderworld @qweencrimson @b-irock @writinginthetwilight @bornslippys @ali-r3n @lexr86 @eddiesgirl1944

All Eddie Taglist (open):solomons-finest-rum @ruinedbythehobbit @sweetpeapod @thorfemmes  @corrodedhawkins @grungegrrrl @lilzabob  @averagemisfit03 @ches-86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @onehotgreasymechanic @hazydespair @mel-the-fangirl @eddies-hid3out @siren-lungs @aheadfullofsteverogers @hiscrimsonangel @dashingdeb16 @cultish-corner @mrsjellymunson @munson-blurbs

[eusuntgratie]

some flyers @ blues thoughts...

i kept forgetting it was the blues pride night 🏳️‍🌈

they posted a cute vid of one of the three players i know (hah) taping his stick with pride tape on insta which i showed the kid but she only had eyes for the flyers yesterday and was like get this garbage out of my face. when the flyers wore pride tape she lost her mind bc that’s what she has

the arena graphics were cool and the lookalike thing was vaguely gay themed but didn’t have jerseys and otherwise didn’t seem to do anything? i’m disappointed. couldn’t they do a video message from a player saying everyone is welcome at blues hockey? something? our city is so gay and our logo is a music note like we could have had an awesome local artist design us really cool jerseys but of course the nhl has to be disappointing

they did light up the arena and the ferris wheel at union station (which may be unrelated i haven’t been down there at night in a minute) super gay which was nice

i’ve had good seats twice now i’m ruined forever TAKE MY MONEY

thought i was going to have to get bitchy with a clueless fan creeping in on our space and talking loudly on her phone after we waited patiently for an HOUR. didn’t help that her boyfriend/friend/whatever was in a blackhawks shirt?? sir your team sucks and isn’t playing get that shit out of my face.

tiny baby flyers fan with the danny b jersey rocking your hockey bucket at the game please know that i love you

talked to a really nice guy in an oskar jersey and got emotional about him all over again

warmups are so worth it. its a little trying going that early with a kid and waiting around forever and then making it through the whole game but it is SO WORTH IT. i feel like especially at an away game... the players were so sweet and kiddo was so excited... her favorite part of every game we’ve done that for

provy smashed into the boards right in front of us and chilled a bit before noticing kiddo and the little one next to us. he smiled at her and showed her the puck and made sure i had my shit together before he tossed it over. i was super stoked the pucks from last night are pride themed! very cute! he gave little dude a puck too.

we saw tons of players up close... i think we were in a better spot this time! or maybe the flyers just move around more than the pens idk.

tk seemed to zoom around the most so i didn’t know if he would come over... he was also always the one to go get the pucks out of the net. apparently i have a type and its pretty boys with long hair who like to fish pucks out of the net...

he skated by us a zillion times and kiddo banged on the glass and hollered every time, but he finally was going a little slower and saw the sign she made with his name and number (she also had TK on one cheek and 11 on the other bc we love to be extra). he smiled SO BIG when he saw it. when i tell you this man could get me to do ANYTHING for that smile... oh jeez.

he kept skating and finished whatever he was doing but he skated right back around and came straight up to her to give her a puck. i don’t remember anything about this he’s too pretty i’m just proud of myself for catching it and not letting it bonk her on the head (y’all i could not be less sports inclined... the pressure of catching a puck for my child is A LOT to ask of me). he didn’t interact with anybody near us or give anybody else one that i saw...he just came right up to her to give it to her (his biggest fan)

considering divorce as husband got good pics of provy but not tk 🙃

my love of big nic continues... i feel like he was def in dad mode and tossed pucks to the all the kids down by us, even some folks that were further back. he flipped one at us and it went right behind me (y’all i caught two i deserve some kind of medal three is really too much to ask of me) but i gave it to the guys next to us (oskar jersey and his son) bc they had no tiny adorable child to woo players with

frosty is very cute. bee is really little?

one of the main draws of going to warmups is to watch the slutty hip stretch in person and scotty laughts delivered. thank you for your service, sir 😘

kevin looks perpetually like he has no idea and has never had any idea what is going on <3 bless

i’ve never been on the opposite side of the benches and must say that watching the boys come out of the tunnel for the game is a whole moment. very cool. it was also fun to see the guys going on and off and watch them on the bench.

there were no flyers fans behind baby goalie and it took ALL OF MY RESTRAINT not to run over there and scream “we love you you’re doing great sweetie!!!” i was fully ready to get violent if anyone harassed him he brings out all of my mama bear tendencies.

tippy’s hair is so violently red... he took his helmet off on the bench for a bit and it was like a beacon i couldn’t look at anything else

its cute how i thought my flyers love was waning I’M BACK BABY I’M ALL IN I LOVE THIS TEAM despite their countless flaws! if they have tk i’m in who cares go flyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs 🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡

is there a support group for sports fans who fully commit to two teams who hate each other? asking for a friend who loves to do sports wrong 😶

lastly and definitely least ladies jerseys are not it. i gotta sell this shit and get a huge boxy one. i saw the one i want awhile ago and didn’t get it and now i’m piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed but oh well :/