#but i might just risk it all ….

[lloydfrontera]

the webcomic can have one (1) funny "earnest moment interrupted by comedy" joke. as a treat. but also because it is so in character for them ajkshdjkas

yes they will say the most earnest shit to each other and then immediately try to cringe out of their own bodies. they are best friends but they would rather jump out of a window before admitting it. they are incredibly devoted and grateful to one another but you could not water board that out of either of them.

the only thing that can get either of them to admit how much they care for each other is if the other is in life threatening danger and not a second before aakjshdks

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

[gay-jesus-probably]

Seeing as the Gerudo turned on Ganon, he might not have been that much better of a ruler.

First of all, we literally have no idea, because the only ancient Gerudo that we actually get to interact with is Ganondorf himself, and he has nothing to say about his own people. The ancient Gerudo sage doesn't count btw, she doesn't have a name, we never even see her face, and she has literally nothing to say except repeating the exact same dialogue as the sages for the other races. The narrative does not treat the ancient sages as people; they are four completely interchangable weapons that are owned by the royal family.

And secondly, I don't care how Ganon ruled them; the Gerudo only get one man every century, if their king sucks, they've obviously got their own system of government to fall back on. I have no idea what kind of authority the sages had among their own people, but honestly I'd say if the four of them were in charge of their respective people, then they were just puppet rulers appointed by Rauru, given that all four of them happily agreed that to sell their entire race into servitude the second Zelda asked them. Say what you will about Ganondorf, but I fucking know that if he was told the Gerudo people existed for the sole purpose of serving the glory of Hyrule, he'd drop kick Zelda into the fucking sun.

And don't get me started on the implications of the cultural differences we see between the independent Gerudo and the annexed Gerudo. The background Gerudo characters all have their own models, and we can clearly see that the ones siding with Ganon have their own unique looks - for example, the amazing lady with the mohawk that summons the molduga swarm in that one flashback. And men are never mentioned in these flashbacks at all, which implies that the Gerudo genuinely didn't care about settling down. Ganon even speaks derisively about marriage, implying that it's very rare for Gerudo women to make serious romantic commitments with men. It implies that their culture is more along the same line as their portrayal in OOT - they are a closed culture. Men trying to force their way into their areas are arrested, and mocked for being entitled dumbasses. Outsiders are only welcome if they can prove that they respect the Gerudo as people, and aren't just there to try and pick up chicks. It's never outright said, but OOT also makes it pretty clear that the Gerudo women just aren't interested in marrying outsiders - close relationships occur with other Gerudo, Hylian men are only considered useful for making babies.

Meanwhile the Gerudo we see serving Hyrule are all trying to measure up to Hylian beauty standards, and appeal to their men. Their one goal in life is to meet a man and get married. Men are welcome in their lands, and only kept out of the town itself... and even then, there's a small army of guys trying to force their way into the town anyways, which is brushed off as just haha, boys will be boys. No men allowed isn't even about independence, it's just a silly romantic tradition.

Of course this is just a fictional culture in a game world, but it's still really fucking uncomfortable that the 'evil' Gerudo are the ones that have independence, both politically and socially, and display a unique culture that refuses to tolerate disrespect from outsiders. Meanwhile the 'good' Gerudo are the ones that canonically exist to serve a kingdom where 95% of the population is light skinned (even setting aside the unfortunate implications, just saying one race exists to serve a different one is super fucked up), they have classes on how to be more appealing to Hylian's, and their entire social structure is built around finding a Hylian man to marry, making them all inherently dependent on the goodwill of outsiders. Even their biggest value of 'women only' is treated as a joke; men trying to trespass in BOTW are just shoved back out the door, letting them keep trying all day if they want. The crowds of men plotting to force their way in are laughed off as a joke. Nobody cares that there's a guy running laps around their city walls and trying to trick women into being alone with him. I mean for fucks sake, in TOTK we find that the creepy guy trying to lure women away has taken advantage of a massive disaster to get into the town, and he's still there once things return to normal. You can't kick him out, or alert anyone to his presence. And the Gerudo just tolerate Hylians blatantly ignoring their boundaries. For fucks sake, TOTK even reveals that the seven legendary heroines they've been revering the whole time were actually completely useless and unable to achieve anything... because they needed the eighth hero, a Hylian man to teach them basic tactics and do all the heavy lifting.

TOTK does not respect the Gerudo people in the slightest. It doesn't respect anyone who isn't Hylian or Zonai.

...This got a little off track, but the point I'm trying to make is, no, I don't consider the Gerudo turning on Ganon to mean anything. The entire game does not feel like the real story of what happened, it feels like the propaganda version of history meant to make Hyrule look as good as possible. I genuinely cannot believe that we're being told the real story about the Imprisoning War, because none of it feels real, and we don't get to know any details that might have made Hyrule look even slightly imperfect. We're told that Ganondorf is evil because he hates Hyrule, and he hates Hyrule because he's evil. The Gerudo people followed Ganondorf and saw him as a hero of their people, then suddenly he was their worst enemy. Hyrule is a perfect kingdom that has strong, equal alliances with the other races, but also all of the non-Hylian races exist for the sole purpose of serving Hyrule, and their leaders are expected to swear eternal loyalty and submission to the Hylian royal family. King Rauru and Queen Sonia united all of the races in peace and equality, which is why they're sitting on the world's supply of magical nuclear missiles, and every member of the Hylian royal family is allowed to walk around wearing them as cute accessories, but everyone else only gets them at the last second, and they all need to outright swear to only use that power to benefit Rauru and his descendants.

There's just so many fucked up contradictions, and so many hints of something more nuanced going on... but the story refuses to acknowledge any of it, and just keeps aggressively pushing the narrative that Hyrule is the ultimate good and couldn't possibly do anything wrong. I don't even believe that Ganon was a bad king honestly; we never hear why his people stopped following him. We also never even see if the Gerudo people turned on him at all; all we know is the ancient Gerudo sage wanted him dead, and given that she also happily sold her people into slavery, she's not exactly the most trustworthy source of information. All we know is that Ganondorf was a hero to his people, only one of his citizens is ever shown having an issue with him (and her motives are never explained), and then he lost the war and was sealed away, leaving his people open to be conquered by Zelda and annexed into Hyrule. By the time we see any Gerudo actually opposing Ganon (apart from the ancient sage), it's been ten thousand years since the war, and all anyone knows is the Hylian version of the story.

[daemon-is-perfectly-unhinged]

Daemon: Where are the twins?

Viserys: Oh, they went out.

Daemon: ...but they're grounded.

Viserys:

Viserys: Are they not allowed to go out when they're grounded?

[skunkes]

can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate

i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!

Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao

And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...

I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...

[eastbluecrewed]

things you can't get back

aka i've been waiting so patiently to see kidd get his ass beat by shanks (affectionate)

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[puppyeared]

man

[caluupin]

a doodle that I did a bit ago

[budgiegryphon]

This year's r/place really fucking sucked, terribly run and an obvious(failed) distraction, but we did get some nice stuff done

Another bench! 45 communities! Here's the fully planned piece, Quote sadly got added last minute and wasn't visible before blackout.

Full character list below the cut.

Batter from OFF, Beheaded from Dead Cells, Ori from Ori and the blind forest, Bugs from APICO above Ori, Moon from Outer Wilds next to bugs, Purple guy from FnAF, Mae from Night in the woods, Omori from Omori, Commando from Risk of Rain, Madeline from Celeste above Commando, Engi, Bosco and Lootbug from Deep Rock Galactic, Soul Knight logo below Engi, Tiny Niko on top of Bosco, Sprite Companion from Hyperlight Drifter next to Tiny Niko, Isaac from Binding of Isaac, Chompy from Bug Fables underneath Isaac, Engineer from Factorio, Strabby on Engineer's shoulder, a penguin from Starbound, Junimo from Stardew Valley, Oneshot bulb above Stardew Valley's apple, A router from Mindustry, Keg from sea of thieves, Lamb from Cult of the Lamb sitting on the keg, Monika from DDLC above Lamb, Fishbowl from FSSH, Spooky from Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion, Whiteface and flower from IMSCARED above Spooky, V1 from Ultrakill, The Conductor from Final Station in front of V1's legs, Moth from Sky: Children of the Light above V1, Apollo from Ace Attorney bottom right of V1, Gnome from Everhood, Rivulet on Looks to the Moon from Rain World, Gail from Phoenotopia above Rivulet, Captain Viridian from VVVVVV above Gail, Flowey from Undertale below Looks to the Moon, Grimm from Hollow Knight, Paprika from Them's Fighting Herds above Grimm, Deltarune red heart above Strabby, King Slime in front of Grimm, The Spiral Heart from Grime next to Grimm, Carp from Lisa, Richard Mask from Hotline Miami above The Spiral Heart

[fadingsstuff]

"Levi never thought about one comrade without thinking of the other" Meanwhile, Levi goes back to shiganshina to retrieve Erwin's body, and Yams says something similar about only caring about retrieving Erwin's body among all those dead soldiers. It further proves Levi's elevation and care for Erwin above the others, his comrades, and Yams desire to make him very attached to Erwin.

[sometimes-she-becomes-it]

Ok so y'all know about that one theory that since hal is a splinter of dirk and Hal is part of Lord English, that Ult!dirk has lord english+doc scratch+lil cal rattling around in his head at all times right?

This is probably a very, very cursed thought. But imagine dirk having reached ultimate self, currently having a *VERY FUCKING HORNY* lord English in his brain, specifically a Lord English deadset on tearing calliope apart with his bare hands and his bare cock too, if possible. To the point the desire to kill her hurt her FUCK HER is basically the only thing in his mind. A boiling pot that will explode unless the lid is taken off.

Imagine that Dirk messaging Callie, asking her to meet up at some remote location. Only the two of them, alone. It's been so long since they last talked, hasn't it? Imagine Callie accepting. Dirk is her friend, after all!

Imagine that the meeting starts out well. Callie talks to Dirk about her latest projects, while he hums and makes the right noises when he needs to. Sure, sometimes he throws a comment that is just too *mean* or a backhanded compliment, but Callie chooses not to say anything as to not sour the friendly encounter.

Imagine at some point calliope starts finding it just so hard to move. It slowly takes more and more effort to use her limbs. She feels weird- her head is just so foggy, so hard to sting thoughts together, it's no surprise it takes her a while to notice that some of the sweets dirk brought taste... different than they're supposed to. She tries to ask Dirk about it but can't put the words together and-

Things get weird after that.

One moment Dirk's sitting in front of her, acting concerned. The next, she's laying on her back, on the floor, dirk on top of her. Her hands are restrained- not that he needs to, but those claws can do a lot of damage, even trimmed as they are. Callie whines confusedly. What's going on? Isn't dirk supposed to be gay? Why does she feel so strange? Why is he oh god is he unzipping his pants?

Callie has read enough fanfiction to know what that means but not- not like *this*.

But she can't do anything to stop it, can she?

Cherubs mate by turning into snakes, but that's more or less a voluntary process. It is perfectly possible for a cherub to have human-style sex without turning into a giant snake. There are ways for cherubs to feel sexual pleasure. Caliborn knows this.

And now, Dirk knows it too.

It's in between these moments of confusion and pain for calliope that she hears dirk say something, it doesn't matter what exactly. But the phrasing and the cadence of it are just *so familiar*, Callie for just a moment understands what's happening, understands just *who* is behind Dirk's actions (as much as it can be said that there's anyone behind his actions ig) and that's what it takes for her to start trembling, start squirming around, crying begging- begging caliborn, begging lord english, begging dirk, anyone, it doesn't matter who, to "jUst stop please please stop, please aren't we sUpposed to be friends? Why are yoU doing this to me? Please don't do this please stop please please please please"

It takes many, many rounds before Dirk/caliborn is done with her.

(if you want to focus on the emotional aftermath too (which, I do!) then I see 3 options:

1. Calliope rationalizes her way around what happened. It was a dream, just a nightmare, nothing more. Nevermind the fact that cherubs don't sleep. Or dream. No, nevermind that. There's a first time for everything. She was just dreaming, she made it all up. There's no reason for her to squirm uncomfortably whenever dirk is brought up. There's no need to shake whenever she's all alone in some secluded place, there's no reason to be wary around any sweets she did not make herself. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

Right?

2. Calliope acknowledges that it is real but has no idea how to go forwards about it. She can't tell anyone. She won't. She refuses. What if she breaks what little is left of her friend group? Roxy would be devastated. Would they even believe her? What if they don't believe her and they leave her behind? She doesn't want to be lonely anymore. She'd rather die. If she has to choose between keeping the secret and ending up lonely and friendless? She'll keep the secret. Forever.

3. Less emotional aftermath but..... Imagine Callie, waking up after all that, without a single memory, of it, just waking up and her hips ache and her limbs are weak. She's laying down in some bed, Dirk sitting in a chair beside the bed, calmly reading. He asks her how she's feeling, and she knows behind his glasses that he is concerned. She says she feels fine but asks what happened. Dirk says she must have been feeling sick, because not long after they started hanging out she passed out- she hit the ground hard, hence her hips hurt. Callie nods, slightly confused because she didn't feel sick when she left her house, but assumes it must have just set in quickly or something. She thanks dirk for taking care of her and laments the fact that their hangout ended early. Dirk just smiles and says that they can always hang out again some other day, just the two of them. Callie agrees enthusiastically with the idea. The implication here is that this situation, all of it, is going to repeat itself again. Possibly many times over, before Callie realizes.

4. Last one bc I don't have that much for this one: Callie acknowledges it is real, and tries to confront dirk about it, but he threatens her, says that if she says anything, he'll kill her. Then he switches to saying if she tells anyone he'll just find them and do it to them instead. She wouldn't be so selfish as to do that, would she?

Calliope can't in good conscience risk that. She won't. So in exchange for being dirk/caliborn's only victim, she'll stay quiet and agree to go to their place whenever they want to, so he can use her for his own pleasure whenever he wants.

(she gets very good at compartmentalizing in this one.)

[bamgeut]

i feel so bad for nwjns tbh i feel like they've been HEAVILY brainwashed by mhj bc you can't tell me this obsession with her and constantly acting like she's the sole reason for their success is normal

[simminglytimeladies]

A Pin-Up Poster? At This Hour??? IN MM???

Remember that one particular tired milkman from some indie game? My tism decided that this would be a good interest to focus on. Thanks!

[lollytea]

"there's a bit where hunters life falls apart" HELLO?? MISS TEA ELABORATE (if you please)

Alright. Walk with me. Let's talk.

(Potentially triggering content ahead.)

So imagine you're a teenage boy. Around 17-18. Imagine you're out in public and you've snuck away somewhere discreet to make out with your girlfriend, who you utterly adore.

Someone catches the two of you in the act and snaps a picture. If you were a normal teenage boy and she was a normal teenage girl, this would be a little embarrassing at worst.

But neither of you are normal. So that one little picture means the end of the world for you both.

Since you were little, you've been taught that you have to work extra hard to keep your secrets, because the whole world wants to know them. The whole world is obsessed with you and you should be grateful. However, there are certain things about you that could tarnish your golden reputation so you need to do whatever it takes to keep them to yourself.

And if they find out and make a mockery out of you, it's your own damn fault.

Don't say Uncle didn't warn you.

Do not tell the world the secret to your lean build and muscled limbs. If they found out about the ballet, the rumors would swirl. You don't want them thinking you're gay, do you?

Because you're not gay.

At least not entirely. But they can't know about that either.

Do not tell the world about your Diva Tantrums. About how even insignificant things like the stage lights being too bright or your costume being a weird texture can lead to you having a complete episode on set. You don't want them thinking you have a mental disorder, do you?

Because you don't have a mental disorder. You're perfectly sane. It's just hard to explain why silly things bother you so much.

However, if a rumor goes around that earns you positive attention, then by God, you encourage it.

You are not dating your co-star Emira Blight. Actually you're pretty sure Emira Blight hates your guts.

But neither of you are allowed to say that. It's good publicity for both of you. So you're kinda shackled to each other.

Neither of you are obliged to claim you're dating. But you're not allowed to deny it either. It's the speculation that keeps the interest alive.

She seems like a nice girl but she feels a lot of resentment towards you because all of her magazine/red carpet interviews are questions about you and her relationship with you. For some reason.

"Sexism," Says your girlfriend when you tell her about it. This explains a lot.

Your girlfriend knows a lot about sexism. She knows a lot about various types of prejudice. She deals with at least 4 of them on a regular basis.

She's tough though. Tough as a tree. But she's young too. Young and sensitive. It wears her down, all of this. It really does.

Like you, your girlfriend lives in the spotlight. Unlike you, she's a rather divisive person. A lot of people in Hollywood don't like her for stupid reasons.

You love her though. You love her to pieces.

She's a little like you and you're a little like her. You trust her enough to tell her your secrets. She knows about the ballet. She knows about the way you sometimes look at boys. She knows that your brain does not operate the way it should.

But she loves you. She loves you to pieces.

The little trail of kisses that she leaves down the slope of your nose makes you like it more.

You've always been insecure about your large hooked nose. It makes you a little less marketable so it sometimes sabotages your chance at booking roles.

You're no Edric Blight, that's for damn sure. Button nosed bastard.

But your girlfriend cups your face in her hands and calls you her prettyboy and it makes you melt every time.

It's the nose thing. And the teeth thing. And the hooded eye thing. You'll never be the most attractive young actor in Hollywood.

But you're not doing badly, all things considered.

Especially when it comes to how you are treated compared to your girlfriend.

"The perks of being a slim white man," She says jokingly, cuddling up against your chest.

"Also nepotism," You reply.

Your girlfriend makes you like yourself in a way you've always had to fake.

She also fakes a lot. She fakes confidence when it's not really there. She fakes cheerfulness and nonchalance when she really wants to burst into tears.

So you're determined to make her like herself too.

It took a long time for her to let you hold her. She was afraid you'd notice how soft her body is.

But when you're kissing her neck on that day, you're squeezing her thighs and she squeaks and giggles. Because you're tickling her and not because her thighs are off limits.

You're allowed to touch her now without reservations. Because she trusts you wholeheartedly. Thank God.

You promise you're always going to be there for her. She promises the same for you.

You promise that whatever happens, you'll figure it out together.

You're not allowed to tell the world that your girlfriend is your girlfriend.

There's a few reasons for this. The first being that this is your first relationship. It's hers too. Neither of you really know what you're doing at first but you certainly don't want millions of eyes watching you both awkwardly try to navigate romance.

But the second reason is what really matters here.

If people found out, they would be really really really mean to her.

"I look weird standing next to you," She murmurs. "Nothing like Emira,"

Whenever you tell her that she's the prettiest girl in existence, she grins, flipping her hair. "I know!"

But that's only in the privacy of your dressing room. When it's just you and her and you both feel safe. It's when she steps back out into the spotlight that all that confidence fizzles away.

But it's been a while since you started dating and honestly, it's getting exhausting. A little sad too.

One time you were both at the zoo. A few of the cast members of Hexside and Golden Guard were there too so it wasn't suspicious that you were out in public together.

Your girlfriend saw another teenage boy thread his fingers through those of the girl beside him, happy and carefree. In broad daylight too! But nobody cared about those two kids dating. Because the whole world wasn't watching them.

She had to go slip away somewhere quiet and wipe away a few tears before anybody saw her.

It's not fun living like this. Always nervously glancing over your shoulder. Always checking yourself to make sure you're not smiling too warmly at the girl you are hopelessly weak for. It's extremely draining to live in paranoia.

The two of you have been talking and you're thinking about going public. Not because you want the whole world in your business but after the initial burst of attention, it'll probably calm down.

If anything, you just want people to not care. Indifference is all you could ask for.

But public indifference is a privilege that people like you don't get.

Things have changed over the last year. Your girlfriend is way more popular than she used to be. She has a dedicated fanbase. So....maybe people will be nice?

You're hopeful. So is she.

The picture is snapped.

The picture spreads.

The world knows.

And people are not nice.

This is the part you don't want to talk about. Describing it in detail is painful.

Things were said about your girlfriend that hurts to think about.

And it's because of you. If it hadn't been your stupid face she was kissing, you wouldn't hear her uneven breath over the phone as she tries to keep herself from crying.

The two of you stay up for hours, trying to figure out what to do next and are essentially just talking in circles until your throat hurts.

Neither of you know what to do next. So you give up and call it a night and promise to think about it some more in the morning.

You sleep for 3 hours and when you regain consciousness at 5am you find a long string of notifications on your phone.

Texts from your girlfriend.

Wait.

No.

These aren't texts from your girlfriend.

You don't have a girlfriend.

You reply immediately.

You stand up. You get dressed. You go to work.

At some point you're obliged to be out in public.

You're swarmed by a crowd of cameras with people attached. Questions are hurled at you.

They ask about her.

You black out.

You break someone's nose.

You get punished.

You've never been punished to such an extreme extent before but you understand why.

You have spent a lifetime being perfected by your Uncle. Your image is spotless. You're a polite, charasmatic young actor with an admirable dedication to your Christian faith.

You're considered a role model by many.

And what have you done?

You've ruined it.

You're ruined everything.

The rumors are already erupting in the distance like a mushroom cloud and it's only going to get worse.

Within days, you're somebody else in the world's eyes.

You're a troubled teen star.

You're ignorant.

You're aggressive.

You're violent.

You've lost your way.

Don't you know that children look up to you?

Why would you do something like this?

You're pretty sure it lasted days. Or maybe weeks. But it was endless to you.

It's your wardrobe stylist that discovers the bruises before your attendant can sneak you to the makeup artists (who are apparently great at keeping their mouths shut.)

You and the wardrobe stylist have become close. He likes you a lot more than he used to.

The bruises alarm him.

"I'm sorry," He apologizes but doesn't elaborate. You don't ask.

What happens next is a very long arduous blur.

You're in a contract. This is significant.

There's lawyers involved. The wardrobe stylist fights tooth and nail to get these lawyers.

There are litigations.

You're required to talk about your relationship with your Uncle in painful detail. It's necessary. But there's always a hand on your back to keep you anchored to reality.

You're 18 now. This is also significant.

One thing happens after another.

Until one day you wake up, emancipated.

Your Uncle is no longer your legal guardian.

You're not an actor anymore.

Thank God.

This is good for you, you know that. You wouldn't have lived to see 21 if this had carried on.

But....who are you now?

You're nobody.

You live with the man who saved your life in a nondescript house he bought in a nondescript neighbourhood.

You think it will be nothing but smooth sailing from here. But it's not.

You don't know how to be nobody. You've never been nobody before. You have to adjust.

You've always been discouraged from eating and now you can barely keep down a whole meal. It takes time.

You usually operate on 5 or less hours of sleep so you struggle to stay unconscious the whole night. That takes time too.

Sometimes you think you're fine but you're not.

It's scary not knowing who you are anymore. And when you get scared, you tend to get angry.

You fight with everyone when you're in one of these moods. You fight with the man you live with.

You fight with the woman next door who treats you like her own son.

You fight with her two daughters. The one who also lost her girlfriend around the same time you did. The one who's become your best friend in the world.

You fight with the other daughter. The one who has scars like yours and had a breakdown when you yelled at her and you hated yourself for weeks.

You never knew you were so mean.

Maybe the things people said about you were right.

You have a therapist now. The man you live with arranged it.

The therapist has to come to your house for sessions because you can only go as far as the end of your block.

You have agoraphobia now, apparently. Being out in public makes you have some nasty panic attacks.

The thought of being photographed is enough to make you spiral.

You haven't left that neighbourhood in months.

You miss her.

You also miss your best friend, but he's cut you off too.

It was nothing personal. It's just...you were always a trio. But she's made it clear that seeing you again would hurt. Thinking about you hurts. Having any lingering trace of you in her life would hurt.

He decided that it would be better if he didn't have contact with you either. He was going to stick by her side.

You're proud of him. And thankful that she always has him looking out for her.

You can't bear the thought of them seeing you like this anyway.

Things are bad.

But it's always worse before it gets better.

And it does get better.

It just takes time.

You're 19, going on 20 and your ribs no longer poke out jaggedly against your flesh.

There's fat on your stomach.

Your face is less gaunt. Your skin less sallow looking.

You like to read.

You like to sew.

There's a gym downtown that you like to go to, with a large studio on the floor where you can practise ballet.

You and your family often have barbecues in your backyard when it's warm out.

Sometimes you like to sit by your open window for hours and listen to the birds. There's a bluejay that really likes you.

You're 19, going on 20 and you're lying in the grass as the sun lulls you to sleep.

It's getting you, you can feel it. But you can still hear the birds, the breeze, the kids yelling from three doors down.

And then you hear it.

But you almost don't believe it.

It's a voice that you're advised to avoid.

It crops up on television sometimes and it hurts to listen to.

That being said, you still torture yourself by not reaching for the remote control right away.

You're desperate for that voice to fill your ears again. You know that you might be weak enough to beg for it.

But it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

The voice is soft, tentatively so. And the single word wobbles like she's about to cry.

But as shattered as it sounds, it's a word that you utterly adore on her lips.

"Hunter?"

[alwaystiredneverofcarlosreyes]

"No one's gonna find you though..." - Creepy kidnapper/serial killer guy to Carlos.

He does not know how mistaken he is. There is a TK Strand out there who stole a fire truck just to search for his dad. Also the same TK who was close to death but decided eh better wake up because my man needs me and I need to tell him to breathe. He does not know that TK Strand has went through hell and back and is still standing... and he'll do it again for Carlos. This man will be on a mission to be reunited with his heart.