#but i managed to sit through all of these which is a true achievement | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

camille-plumb · 27 days ago

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𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆|| ʙʟᴜᴇʟᴏᴄᴋᵒⁿᵉ ˢʰᵒᵗˢ

Itoshi Sae x Female Reader

▌│█║▌║▌║ ✞︎ 𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ✞︎ ║▌║▌║█│▌

Song: Die for You by The Weeknd

Warning: Uncensored language, mature language, 18+ content.🔞

••••••••⇆ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ㅤ ▷↻••••••••

Sae had never been a particularly religious person, but he thought that if God existed, the rain would stop and he could escape from the shelter.

If God heard him clearly, he wouldn't be in this situation.

He woke up the next morning to the monotonous drumming of the rain. The redhead sighed and looked down at the girl lying on his chest. The gaps in the shelter let in just enough daylight to see.

He stared at (Y/N)'s deceptively sweet face, her parted lips that continued to brush against his chest with every breath she took, her long, dark eyelashes, and that soft, golden skin.

The redhead looked away and pushed the girl off him.

The confusing situation would have been funny if Sae hadn't been in such a bad mood. This had been a terrible idea. What had he been thinking?

"You idiot," (Y/N) groaned sleepily.

Sae stood up and walked out half-naked. All he had left were torn shorts covering his lower body. He peed, brushed his teeth, and then washed in the warm rain, frowning at the gray sky.

"Had I ever thought I'd end up in a situation like this?"

It would be a story worthy of a Discovery Channel documentary, he thought with a smile as he recalled the events of the past five months. He still remembered the last flight he'd taken, the one that had changed his life. Perhaps if he had listened to his manager and hadn't been so obsessed with seeing his girlfriend, the story would have been different.

The memory of how the plane crashed and ended up in the ocean struck him like a traumatic memory. He was grateful for his good physical condition, which had allowed him to reach the island he was on. Thinking about all the people who died that day still made his stomach churn.

His achievements, his trophies, even his Ballon d'Or nomination were lost in time, just like him. His dreams and everything he had fought and worked for since he was a child were only alive in his memory and etched on his skin.

In his most optimistic thoughts, there was still the hope that someone would still be looking for him. He was a star, after all, a soccer prodigy. He was important to his team, to his manager, to his girlfriend, to his family. He sighed as he remembered all the people who cared about him. Surely his younger brother would be moving heaven and earth to find him. While it was true that their relationship wasn't as good as it had been when they were children, they had always been close, and time had solved the problems they had, even more so when they shared a team and began to get along relatively well again.

Feeling a little better, the redhead wanted to return to the shelter. He sighed as he watched the waves in the ocean. He had always loved the sea. Since he was a child, he had a taste for going to see it after every training session. Even though he was probably in the place where he was going to die, he was still fascinated by being able to see it every day.

Life on the island wasn't as difficult as he initially thought. The idea of survival was always present in his plans from day one. Gathering supplies from everything on the island and setting up a shelter was essential. But as in every story, there always has to be something dramatic that "makes the situation better," and in this case, the drama was her.

He met (Y/N) the day after arriving on the island. He thought he was alone while searching through the suitcases floating on the shore when he heard sobbing. He ran, thinking someone needed help. But upon arriving, he was surprised when he tried to help a crying woman up, and she hit him. At first, he tried to be kind and understanding, but he let the blow to the cheek go when he found her sitting next to her ex-husband's corpse. He felt empathy for the situation and let her cry; well, at least he tried. The mourning seemed eternal and was already bordering on the dark and strange.

It took him three weeks to convince her to leave her late husband's body. Keeping a corpse so close was dangerous. The diseases the body could transmit were a danger given his condition. After much discussion, they managed to agree to bury him. Once their mission was accomplished, the difficult part came.

He still remembered him…

The first month, he had grown accustomed to his solitude. They barely spoke. She was like a ghost who only spent time with her husband's corpse. They rarely met to collaborate on foraging, or when he saw her talking to her late husband while she ran to stay in shape and avoid going crazy.

During the second and third months, hell began. It seemed the little ghost was finally accepting reality. Although she had accepted that her husband was no longer physically with her, she always brought him up in conversations. Comparisons between him and the deceased were her daily bread, to the point that he was fed up with the situation.

Comments like, "My husband could fish with a spear," "You can't even tie a star knot," "Go kick some coconuts or go give some passes to the sharks," had made their relationship unsustainable. They clearly hated each other, and neither of them tried to hide it. One day, her acidic comments about how her husband would have made a better job of the shelter he'd worked so hard to build had caused his ego to bubble, ending in a fight that ended with them wrestling on the sand, one on top of the other. She tried to hit him, and he avoided the blow, trying not to hurt her—well, at least he tried.

By the fourth month, he thought the sun had burned his brain. Although he considered that throughout his life his sexual appetite was normal, perhaps high when he was stressed about an important match, he never thought he'd go so far as to desire the island's little drama queen.

It was pathetic how he felt; not even in his teens had he felt this aroused. Perhaps it was the lack of sex in those months, or the fact that he saw her delicious, half-naked body moving in front of him every day, the sight of her plump lips as she insulted or cursed him, only made him think of impure things. There were days when, while she talked and complained to him, all he could think about was silencing her with his cock.

Despite his latent desire, he knew he couldn't touch her without her wanting him to. Every day was a worse torture, even more so since the rains began on the island. The clothes they were wearing wore out in the sun and the climate of the fifth month. Now they only had the clothes on, and the frigid nights forced them to seek warmth in other ways. Sleeping together, for the time being, was the only solution to survive and not die of hypothermia.

Sae finished recounting island life in his mind when he entered the shelter and saw a thin silhouette. (Y/N) was lying face down, sleeping peacefully on Sae's bedding. She was still half-naked. The redhead's jaw clenched, his newfound calm evaporating in an instant.

He tore his eyes away from that enormous ass jiggling in front of him and kicked (Y/N) in the shin.

"Get out of my bed."

(Y/N) just mumbled something sleepily and ignored him. Sae's eyes returned to that soft, plump ass. He was just a man on the verge of insanity.

Looking away again, Sae leaned in and growled in the girl's ear:

"Get out of my bed, or I'll take that as an invitation to fuck you."

(Y/N) stiffened before sitting up so quickly their heads nearly collided. She looked at Sae, sleepily, running a hand through her hair.

"Fuck off," she said, her cheeks flushed, unable to look at the redhead.

Huffing, the green-eyed boy sat down on the small makeshift bed. The closeness of their bodies allowed him to revel in her figure. He focused his gaze on her thighs and bubs. The thought of touching her soft skin was unbearable, as was the bulge in his pants.

Damn! Now that he could see her face up close, he noticed the small details that made her look beautiful: her long hair, slightly tousled on one side, her hideous red lips that were begging to be kissed or stretched by a hard cock, those big eyes and…

"Are you done fantasizing about me, idiot?" The anger in her voice reminded him that he wasn't a teenager fantasizing about a female body; he managed to control himself and keep his cock tucked into his pants. "I'm not fantasizing about you, you little drama queen. I'm not crazy enough to want you yet." The redhead squirmed, ignoring the furious eyes that glared at him, eager to kill him.

The rain stopped for a moment, allowing them to leave the shelter to find food and prepare for bed.

As night fell, they lay down on their pathetic "beds." Sae stared at the shelter's ceiling, listening to the tumbling rhythm of life. The sound was depressing. Lonely. It made him long for someone else's warmth. Someone else's touch, something. He wanted to shed him own skin and do something. Anything to feel better.

He knew (Y/N) wasn't asleep. There was tension in the air, so thick he could almost taste it.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

He rolled onto him side and pressed him slightly erect cock against the girl's back. (Y/N) let out a gasp that seemed both relieved and annoyed.

"Fuck off, you idiot. What's wrong with you?"

Sae wrapped an arm around the girl's waist, and they pressed against each other, his erection nestling between (Y/N)'s buttocks.

"Stop complicating it," he said, biting the back of (Y/N)'s neck. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

"But," he didn't let her finish as he began to move his erection between her buttocks.

"Shut up and enjoy. You know you want it as much as I do."

The long silence that surrounded the room was cut short by the girl's moans, as she began to involuntarily shake her body in search of more. The redhead took her response as a clear pass to reach the end.

Burying his face against the back of (Y/N)'s neck, Sae closed his eyes and sought his own release. It really didn't mean anything. They were just two lonely humans, starved for physical contact, seeking relief and comfort.

Nothing more.

He had intended to simply rub himself against (Y/N)'s ass while she masturbated, but now he felt greedy. He wanted more. His hands began to wander, caressing (TN)'s soft bubs and stomach, calmly massaging her big bubs, adapting them to his large hands and rubbing her nipples.

"Stop," (Y/N) murmured weakly, but didn't try to move away and continued to caress her own center, which was growing wetter and wetter.

Sae ignored her, his face buried in the back of her neck, while his hand rubbed and pinched those pretty nipples.

Fuck, he wished he could suck them.

He pinched her left nipple, and she moaned, shuddering against him. The redhead slid his hand down, over her trembling stomach, and then down, until his hand collided with hers in her wet little pussy.

(Y/N) tensed.

After a long beat, the girl's hand dropped. Sae took advantage of the available space and guided a finger toward her tiny entrance. (Y/N) let out a shaky breath.

"I'm married," she said in a long, drawn-out sigh that sounded like a moan.

Sae simply scoffed. (Y/N)'s pussy was so tight he could feel his finger being sucked hard. If he hadn't known she was married, he'd think she was a virgin. The best part was that she was already dripping, preparing for him, getting wet for him. The situation only made him more excited.

"I…am…married," she said again, but her words came out more like a moan.

"I'm not listening to no," the green-eyed man said, thrusting his finger all the way in forcefully.

"As if 'no' would stop you," she gasped, releasing more juices into her pussy.

"You won't know unless you try it," the redhead said dryly, still moving his fingers.

He knew (Y/N) would feel better about it if she could pretend she was being forced. He probably should have been upset about it, but he wasn't. If she'd fallen in love with (TN) or, God forbid, actually wanted a relationship with her, this would have been a bitch. But as things stood, (TN) continuing to be a self-sacrificing widow practically guaranteed that Sae wouldn't get attached.

This meant nothing. Just a basic need that meant nothing.

So he fondled (Y/N)'s pussy, deriving a kind of sick pleasure from every moan the girl who claimed to hate him gave him.

(Y/N) was clearly trying to keep quiet, trying to swallow her moans, but soon, she couldn't stop them from escaping her mouth. Her hips also began to move, rubbing helplessly against Sae's fingers until she was a quivering, moaning mess.

"No," (Y/N) cried out when the redhead withdrew his fingers from inside her.

"Spread your legs," he ordered in his deep voice, which only increased her desire for him. (Y/N) did as she was told, panting.

"Touch my cock," the redhead said, panting.

"I won't."she said, blushing.

Laughing, Sae took the girl's hand and wrapped it around his aching cock.

"Touch it." the redhead ordered, moving his cock near her pussy.

"I'm married, I won't." she replied, looking longingly at the huge cock in front of her.

"Touch it. Or I won't touch you again." the redhead murmured, briefly rubbing the pink head of his cock against the wet entrance of her pussy.

"I hate you," she said, but her hand finally moved, a little hesitantly at first. "This is disgusting."

"Shut up, or I'll shut you up with my dick."

That silenced (Y/N).

"But maybe you like it," Sae said, pressing their foreheads together. "Maybe that's what you really want: a fat cock in your mouth."

"Fuck off," she said breathlessly, gripping the redhead's cock tighter. "I have…"

"Husband? You have a cock in your hand, one that's clearly not your husband's. Does that make you feel like a little slut? What does it feel like to crave someone else's cock that isn't your husband, huh? Tell me, little slut, can you feel your little pussy twitching, begging to be filled with my cock?"

"No…ah~" The word turned into a long moan as (Y/N), aroused by the words, climaxed in Sae's hand, drenching it with her cum.

Sae looked at the mess she had made and was aroused by the sight of her wet pussy, open, eager, and ready for him.

"My turn," he said, stroking his own cock, mixing her juices with his swollen shaft, making it nice and slippery. The girl seemed barely conscious due to the cloud of pleasure she'd felt; the only command left in her mind was that she was to keep her legs open for him.

Fuck, something went straight to Sae's cock at that image. Having such a docile and satisfied little stubborn idiot in his arms was beyond arousing.

Unable to wait any longer, Sae rolled them over, pushing (Y/N) underneath him. (Y/N) made a desperate sound as Sae's fingers slid out of her, but the redhead was already pressing the head of his cock against the slick hole.

In the back of his mind, the last vestiges of his rationality tried to impress things like condoms, ideas that were instantly discarded. They were on an island, lost, they would probably die, and he wanted to fuck her, take her like he'd wanted. He felt like he would explode if he didn't stick his cock in that woman right now.

So he thrust in all at once, and they both moaned. (Y/N) was so tight it was almost painful, but God, it felt so good, like she'd finally reached the goal of the past few months. The relief was so immense that Sae almost came right then.

"Ah… Idiot… mmhg~" (Y/N) exhaled, her body tense from the hard thrust. "Couldn't you slow down? You're so big… ah~"

Sae closed his eyes again and started thrusting. He just needed to finish once. The sooner he came, the sooner he'd get this crazy woman out of his skin and mind.

He thrust and thrust and thrust, his fingers digging into (Y/N)'s soft hips, holding her still as she enjoyed herself.

Fuck, she was such a slut for that, her hips rolling on his cock like she was born to do it.

-Stop, ah, no, ah, fuck!- she begged with her eyes closed in pleasure while digging her nails into his back with force.

Sae went absolutely crazy with a mixture of desire and rage. He pushed (Y/N) onto her hands and knees and slammed himself into her pussy hard. She moaned, lifting her hips higher, allowing his cock to enter deeper.

"Do you still want me to stop?" He growled into the girl's ear, fucking her hard and fast.

"Yes, ah…ah~, no, don't do it, don't stop, do it…harder."

Sae bit her shoulder and fucked her harder as she demanded. The makeshift bed was a complete mess, the noises their mouths made sounded inhuman now. Like animals in heat together, to satisfy their instincts, a primal need that couldn't be denied.

Sae had no idea how much time had passed. Only he was vaguely aware that (Y/N) reached her orgasm first, satisfied, screaming and moaning with pleasure. Her face was a complete aphrodisiac.

Without thinking about the place, the circumstances, or what might happen tomorrow, he released all his cum inside her, moving his hips slightly until he emptied himself completely. Staining her small pussy white, he felt his cum run down her legs. He could only let out a satisfied laugh and let go of her body, falling on top of (Y/N), burying his face in the wet nape of her neck.

An unnatural possessiveness flooded his mind as he watched her sleep. Her contented expression was plastered on her face. He had pleased her, made her his, his woman. The memory of her late husband would never haunt her again. If she ever mentioned him again, he would make sure to remind her who she belonged to. He would fuck her every day if necessary.

He had lost his sanity and given in to madness.

An involuntary groan escaped his lips as he felt his cock being squeezed again.

He took a deep breath. Mine. He thought calmly, watching her sleep; she was wonderful. He had never felt so satisfied in his life.

As he squeezed her buttocks and held her, he fell asleep, still buried deep inside her.

If every day was going to be like this, maybe the idea of dying on the island wasn't so bad.

No…

He would only die for her.

•••••━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━••••••

•••••━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━••••••

Hiiii~ Thanks for your reactions to these one shots~.✨✨

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irregularcollapse · 2 months ago

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Hiiii just wanted to pop in and say I watched Masters of the Air and I really enjoyed it! Wouldn’t have known about it/known to look for it were it not for you and I enjoyed spotting all the moments I remembered seeing you reblog gifs of as I watched it ❤️ you’ve successfully carried on the grand tumblr tradition of influencing people to watch a show with gif sets! I can’t decide yet if I want to read any fic for it or not but if I do decide to I’ll definitely start with yours 👍🏼👍🏼

This is SO exciting to me hooray! I've managed to trick a few people into watching MOTA because I knew they'd like it, and it feels like an achievement every time. There's a lot I really like about it as a show, but especially the core performances, and John and Gale as characters. Personally, it resonated with me more than other war shows I've tried to watch, which is just a matter of individual taste really. I'm as surprised as anyone to find myself writing fic about military men 🤪🤪🤪

No pressure to read fic at all (though it's very nice that you're considering reading mine waowww ty ty) but this message was a perfect reminder for me to do something that I keep forgetting to do because my brain is a sieve, which is to shout-out a few writers whose stuff I have been enjoying recently, who I haven't personally seen recc'd a whole lot and so may fly under the radar (not a pilot pun, I swear) if you go looking for other fics. Alphabetised!

@blixabargelds / hart who is not only a brave writer, but one who writes with raw vulnerability that makes each work a visceral, multi-sensory experience, and truly approaches writing with a purpose and intent which radiates off the page -- as do strength of concept and the truthful, emotional weight that sits behind everything Frankie writes

@constanthaunt / justfine whose writing has such a beautiful cadence and flow to it, and who has such a rich understanding of not only how to use these particular characters but of how people work, and produces writing with real emotional nuance and depth

@feyd-meowtha / feyd_meowtha whose writing has a heightened, shiny quality to it that I really want to spend more time delving into. There's a real sense of fun and playfulness in what I've read of their work, and a clear enjoyment of the texture of words

@pleasuretrade / PleasureTrade has big things on the way I'm sure, because the snippets I've read have a really deft command of interaction and dynamic -- such lovely character interplay that I can't wait for more of, and dialogue which settles so organically and authentically

@reallylilyreally / ReallyLilyReally whose writing has a warmth and affection for character in it that is lovely to read, and really demonstrates how observation and action are the best tools for constructing characterisation. I've found a real "slice of life" quality in what I've read of their work which is so clever and well-executed, and I'm so keen to read more

@shipstorms / ipsilateral writes with a precision of word choice that I appreciate so deeply, and everything in each sentence feels so well-placed, and in their work as a whole there's such excellent use of pacing -- every paragraph serves a purpose

@soliloquy-dawn / soliloquy_dawn is so lyrical and lovely, with a richness of style that poses a confident challenge to the misconception that all detailed writing is "purple prose" (simply not true!); to me, Dawn's writing shows that often more is more and immersion is achieved best through a luscious focus on detail

@weimarweekly / VoluptuousPanic is delivering a masterclass on character voice with Looking for Eight, with writing that balances interiority, experience, and visualisation in such a delightful way. There's specificity in vernacular which is so competent and impressive, and the flow from a sentence > paragraph > chapter level carries you along in such a natural, gorgeous way

For a relatively small fandom, the writing side is quite prolific! There's a lot getting written all the time and I know I find it hard to keep up (and am sure a lot of people do). This list is hardly a dent in what I've enjoyed and who I've read! But it's stuff that's dug into my brain in the best way.

#asks #fic rec #mota #mota fic

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tenebraevesper · 1 year ago

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Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Final Conclusion)

''It's been a long, rough road and I'm finally here. I move an inch forward, feels like a year. Everything I feel seems so unreal. Is it true? Is it true? I take one step forward and two steps back. Got a hundred thousand pounds sitting on my back. Up, down, all around, don't know quite what to do to get through. Well, I'm on my way...''

(Never Turn Back, Shadow the Hedgehog (2005))

Welcome to the Final Conclusion of my Shadow the Hedgehog's character analysis! It has been a long, rough road for me, but now I'm here to give you my final thoughts on Shadow the Hedgehog as a character in Sonic Prime.

So, shall we dive in for one last time?

I started this character analysis with the statement that ''Prime!Shadow is peak Shadow'', making it my mission to re-watch every episode of Sonic Prime to back up my argument, and I believe that I have succeeded.

When I had learned that Sonic Prime would have Shadow in it, I made sure to keep a close eye on him, as we know all too well just how tight SEGA's mandates around Shadow's character are, having seen him at his worst in the Sonic IDW comics. I had been hoping that Sonic Prime would let Shadow have more room as a character, let him breathe a little. He doesn't have to be just the grim Vegeta-type Stock Shonen Rival to Sonic, but he can also be a hero on his own.

So I waited and I hoped, and, oh boy, did Sonic Prime deliver!

With the placement of Sonic Prime in the mainline canon being deliberately vague (aside from obviously being set after Sonic Advance 3) we only had the knowledge of Shadow's backstory to figure out how his character might be utilized in the show, and let me assure you, I did not expect that Shadow as a character would actually go back to his roots.

As TV Tropes puts it, Shadow is the composite character of ''the intelligent, perceptive, and pragmatic (with good intentions) of Sonic 06'' self ''with the wrathful but good intentioned disposistion of Sonic Battle'' self.

In short, he is exactly the Shadow people wanted to see for so long, ever since Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), which is considered to be the peak of his character (not counting Sonic Adventure 2). He is the grim rival to Sonic, but has a kind heart and the will to protect the world regardless of how people see him. He is not above using violent methods to achieve his goals, but has primarily good intentions, and will clash and work together with Sonic depending on the situation.

That alone is very impressive, but what makes Prime!Shadow stand out even above his Sonic 06 self is the fact that he actually undergoes through subtle, but legitimate character development.

As I had stated in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 1), Shadow starts out as a loner who prefers to stop Sonic from causing the end of world by fighting him instead of talking to him. This is kind of understandable, since Sonic also sucks at communication and listening to other people, including his friends, which is how the whole Shatterverse event starts in the first place, and gets punched by Shadow for causing this whole mess.

In Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 2), I had been pointing out how, after both Shadow got all the frustration he felt towards Sonic out of his system in the first half of Episode 09: Avoid the Void, he manages to convey to Sonic just how much damage he had caused by breaking the Paradox Prism, leading to the two to actually start communicating properly. Of course, it is not perfect, and Shadow certainly gets annoyed by Sonic over the course of the episode, but he is willing to talk rather than to fight.

However, it takes until the second half of the same episode, aka what I covered in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 3) for Shadow to finally realize that he needs Sonic if he wants to fix reality. But before that, we have a good old fashioned rival fight, where Shadow decides to save the world on his own, showing us that, even if the world is at stake, he won't miss a chance to enjoy his fight with Sonic. However, upon his failure to enter the Shatterspaces, he understands that he won't be able to do this without Sonic's help, as he's stuck in The Void. Of course, this is just the beginning of their attempts at proper teamwork and they still won't miss a chance to banter with each other.

Speaking of bantering, we slowly start get more and more of those, as covered in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 4), with Shadow snarking at Sonic while also trying to keep him on track. Not only that, but Shadow also plays a role in stalling the Chaos Council, showing that even if he cannot travel through the Shatterverse, he can still support Sonic in his own way.

When the Chaos Council arrives at Ghost Hill to take the Prism Shards, we finally see what it looks like when Shadow and Sonic team up and it's glorious. Even if their relationship hasn't started out well, you can see how they slowly become better and better as a team, protecting each other and coming up with plans to protect the Shards.

One thing that gets pointed out, however, is Shadow's distrust of other people. In Sonic Prime, Shadow has no friends, which is something Sonic teases him about when Shadow shows clear distrust of Nine. Shadow is right to be distrustful of Nine, pointing out to Sonic how he's not the same as Tails, especially due to how Sonic is projecting Tails onto Nine and treating him as if they were the same person.

However, Sonic is not wrong either in regards to his statement how Shadow needs to learn to trust people, and rest assured, it appears that Shadow actually takes this to heart, as he begins to trust Sonic.

This is seen in the first half of Episode 17: Grim Tidings, which I covered in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 5). Not only does Shadow not blame Sonic for losing the Shards to Nine, but he also keeps reaching out for Sonic, who is grieving the loss of Ghost Hill and his friends, protecting him from danger, reassuring him that they will get the Shards back and comforting him by complimenting him. It's incredibly sweet to see that side of him, a kinder, softer side which he appears to show only around Sonic.

This extends into the second half of the episode, covered in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 6), where Shadow keeps up with his mission to protect Sonic as they try to recover the Paradox Prism from Nine. Not only has their teamwork significantly improved, with both being incredibly in sync, but the moment Shadow realizes that Nine is after Sonic, he abandons the Paradox Prism and instead focuses on saving Sonic from Nine, eventually throwing him out of The Grim and basically sacrificing his own life for Sonic.

I absolutely loved seeing this protective side of Shadow, showing just how much he cares about Sonic and how much he has grown to appreciate him.

(Also, note how Shadow once again has beef with Tails, having fought him in Sonic X and Sonic Boom before).

What follows next is the battle against Nine, covered in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 7), which shows us Shadow and Sonic's contrasting personalities and ideals bouncing off of each other, while working perfectly together. They have now reached a new level of trust, respect and understanding, with Shadow showing complete loyalty towards Sonic, even if their initial methods of reaching their goals clash with each other.

Also, Sonic introduces Shadow as his boyfriend to his Shatterverse friends.

''Probably gonna regret that.'' ''I heart you too, Shadow.''

Oh, did you really think I wouldn't talk about the blatant Sonadow subtext in Sonic Prime? There is a reason why fans nicknamed the show Sonadow Prime.

These two dorks have so much chemistry in this show that it is hard not to ship them together, even if all instances of them working together as a couple were unintentional. Sonic Prime definitely shows the appeal of the Sonadow ship, and if you go by The Sonadow Special Bumblekast Interview with Ian Flynn, these two are probably one confession away from dating each other (even if the ship will never become canon, because SEGA says ''No'' to romance in their Sonic media - a wise decision).

Why am I saying this? Well, Ian says that, in order for Sonadow to be executed, there would have to be an understood vulnerability to Shadow, and he would have to open up to be more accessible at a personal level. He notes how it doesn't take much for it to happen, and that it just has to become established to build that bridge, especially with Sonic being so casual and accepting enough as he is, and he would allow Shadow to be who he is, which is kinda prickly and stand-offish. They would have the occasional moment where Shadow let's his guard down and is more empathetic and emotionally available, but otherwise, they would play it fairly cool and aloof.

Also, how would it be made official that they're together? Ian says how they're so cool and aloof in their own way that he cannot see either of them making some dramatic declaration or turn all mushy and lovey-dovey, as that's not who they are.

''[...] The adventure concludes, and they're standing side by side on the hillside looking at the sunset and the wreckage, and they share, y'know, a compliment, and instead of like, a fist bump or a 'See ya next time', and one of them runs off; maybe they throw arms around each other or something, just kinda stand there. [...] I see them just being very chill about it all.''

So, let me ask you something - in Sonic Prime, which character is starting to show his more vulnerable side, letting his guard down and and reaching out for Sonic, either to comfort him or to protect him?

Yeah, a simple screenshot speaks more than a thousand words.

Also, if you don't care about what Ian Flynn said, just take note of how affectionate Sonic is towards Shadow and Shadow in turn just let's him do whatever he wants. Sonic hugs him, and Shadow doesn't push him back. It's absolutely adorable and it gets even better when we get to the finale!

Episode 23: From the Top (covered in its full form in Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 8)) concludes the battle against Nine, with the whole Shatterverse being reduced to nothing. Sonic decides to sacrifice his life to restore the Paradox Prism, and we see Shadow completely heartbroken when he sees that Sonic isn't moving, probably believing that he is dead. I don't think Shadow had ever shown an expression like this in any media.

Fortunately, Sonic is still alive, but barely holding on, leading up to a race against time, where Shadow carries a dying Sonic towards Green Hill.

''I never knew you were a hugger.'' ''Do you want me to save you or not?''

*shouting from the back* Just kiss already!

Hey, I mean, it isn't them throwing arms around each other, but we do have Sonic flirting with Shadow and Shadow responding before the sense of panic sets in when Sonic goes limp.

Fortunately, the day is saved, with Sonic and Shadow retaining their memories of what had happened and remembering what their learned from each other during their adventure (with the Shatterverse probably being wiped out because Sonic doesn't shatter the Paradox Prism).

''I am the Ultimate Lifeform. I go wherever I want.'' ''Wh-huh?'' ''CHAOS CONTROL!''

One thing I don't believe I had mentioned is how there is three times when Shadow declares his status as The Ultimate Lifeform. The first time is a response to Nine's comment about him and Sonic being twins, with Shadow pointing out his uniqueness. The second time he states it is when Nine is shocked to see him defeat Grim Alpha Sonic, with Sonic quipping how he's ''modest too'', showing off that he is adept to battling and will win the fight no matter the odds. And lastly, he states it once again before he teleports the Paradox Prism, noting how he can go wherever he wants, which I believe is him declaring his won freedom to not be tied to anything (like a certain promise) and doing things his way (not to mention the fact that he spent a good chunk of the show floating in The Void, unable to go anywhere).

Unfortunately, as I said before, the ending kinda feels like it's missing something, and while people might point out how it's either perfect the way it is or list a bunch of flaws or seek signs of an nonexistent sequel, the one thing I wanted to see is for Sonic and Shadow to have at least one more conversation.

''If knowing you has taught me anything, there is always another way.'' 'Wait, was that a compliment?''

I wanted them to meet up again and reflect on their adventure, as well as talk how much they have grown closer as a team, with Sonic even offering Shadow to join him and his friends at the beach for a couple of chili dogs. I'd have Shadow be reluctant for a moment, before accepting.

Maybe have Sonic ask Shadow what happened to the Paradox Prism and Shadow assure him that it's in a safe space. Perhaps they could also ponder on what happened to the Shatterverse, and whether it's gone or it still exists. As for Sonic's friends, they would probably wonder since when Sonic and Shadow are now close buddies, with Sonic about to tell them about their adventure in the Shatterverse before Dr. Eggman returns with another scheme and the adventure continues.

I really wanted some kind of finality to show their newly formed bond. After all, there is so much to talk about, like the fact that Sonic definitely had a traumatic flashback to Sonic Adventure 2.

Or have Shadow admit that he doesn't want to lose Sonic by just telling him not to get so reckless again when around another world-shattering stone.

*sighs dreamily*

Oh well, being a writer, I guess I might as well write this alternate ending by myself then. I might let these two have their moment, showing appreciation for each other in their own way.

Also, Shadow is a hugger. That's definitely canon now.

One last thing to mention before I finish this is - what did Shadow do with the Paradox Prism? Well, I have an idea for how this adventure might continue, albeit in a different universe:

Sonic Boom Shatterverse (Sonic Prime/Sonic Boom)

So, does anyone want to see how Boom!Shadow and Boom!Sonic handle their own universe shattering into pieces? Coz I do!

#Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer (Masterlist)

#Ten's Thoughts #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #tails nine #sonic prime #sonadow prime #sonadow #sonic boom #boom sonadow #boom sonic #boom shadow

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shanastoryteller · 2 years ago

Note

Happy birtday shana! Can i get some Percy x Tonks? Love you Grandma! 💖

“Have you considered getting an assistant?”

Percy lifts the scroll he’s reviewing so he can look down at his wife. He’s sitting on one end of the couch while she’s laying out with her head in his lap and her own paperwork floating in front of her. “I am an assistant.”

“No one’s buying that anymore,” she says. “I know you’re sticking around to help Bones, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but ever since taking down Fudge and his ilk it’s obvious to anyone paying attention that you’re more than an assistant.”

True, but, “Most people aren’t paying attention. It helps maintain the fiction. If I get an assistant myself, that fiction will be a lot harder to get past the average person.”

Tonks sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, a sight that’s distracting for reasons that makes her place on his lap unfortunate. Well, fortunate if she’s willing to be distracted, and unfortunate if she wants to have a serious conversation, which she clearly does. “What if Bones got a second assistant? Lots of important people have more than one, and they could actually be yours. Or they could be hers and deal with the actual assistant duties that you’re currently handling on top of running the government.”

“I’m not running the government,” he protests. “Amelia’s very good at her job. I’m just – smoothing things along.”

“Percy,” she sighs.

He frowns, giving it serious thought. “Do you have someone in mind?”

Her eyes go big and wide, slightly larger than it’s possible to achieve without her metamorphmagus abilities. “Why, Percy dear, why would you say that?”

He mentally run through all the people possibly suitable for this role that Tonks knows and who she likes enough to suggest this in the first place. It’s not a very long list.

“Cho?”

She huffs. “No!” A beat of silence passes. “Okay, yes. She and Cedric are sort of fretting about what happens after she graduates, especially because Cho isn’t really sure what she what she wants to do. She’s the top of her year, and a Prefect, and Head Girl. She could do this.”

“Does she want to?” he presses.

Tonks shrugs. “No idea. I wasn’t going to talk to her or Cedric about it before talking to you, obviously, but I think she’d like it. It exposes her to a ton of different people and careers which might help her figure out what she wants to do, and she’s someone that you know and so can trust, and so Bones will trust her, and she’ll be able to actually help you guys. Unlike some other random person you don’t have a history with who neither you nor Bones will trust to know or do anything.”

That is very true. They’d manage to purge the worst of the dregs from the ministry, but there were plenty of people who weren’t the worst but weren’t good either. Enough people want Amelia to fail that it’s not exactly easy to bring someone in without worrying about betrayal.

“It’s a good idea,” he says to her, “I’ll talk to Amelia about it tomorrow.”

Tonks grins and knocks his scroll aside. He frowns, but then she’s straddling him and her lips are on his, and well.

Work can wait a little while. His wife is more important.

#prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #lance-with-a-chance-of-anxiety #harry potter #siat

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oursecretescape · 1 year ago

Text

Forgotten

words: 7.5k

genre: angst

If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter - Let go xx TW: Mentions of anxiety, panick attack. Trad: anjinho = little angel. a/n: Hello, my babies. This story is the translation of ''Forgotten'' that I recently posted. I tried to make it as angsty as possible, hope I have achieved my goal. My apologies before hand for any grammar erros. English is not my first language. I suggest you all read it along with the saddest song you like. Well... with all that being said, I wish you a happy reading (or sad? lmao. dunno). Tell me later what y'all thought. ♥

"Hey! We'll be there soon. Sorry for the delay. Today's rehearsal took longer than expected. We're leaving now."

Received at 5 in the afternoon.

I take a quick glance at the clock, and it shows eight in the evening. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I feel my heart drumming slowly in my chest, each beat amplifying my growing sense of unease.

I get up from the couch and reach for the umbrella swaying gently in the wind coming from the window. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to manage the sudden surge of fear and despair growing in my chest. My heart is racing, and my mind is in overdrive. A sense of mortality and suffocation, all rolled up into a single emotion: anxiety.

I sit down, sliding along the corridor wall. I try to control my breathing while attempting to steady the pounding of my heart. I think that dying in the hallway of a building would be so pointless and dull that it makes me laugh. A laugh, strained and devoid of emotion, but functional.

Heart rate normalizing. Labored, but controlled breathing. Mind stabilized.

I feel my face wet with tears. I wipe them away with trembling hands. When did I start crying? I rise from the floor, swaying a little. I take another deep breath and press the elevator button.

Dad always said that thinking of ridiculous things in difficult moments would help distract me. He was right, as he always was.

The cold, damp breeze of Seoul's streets warmed my soul. Its black skies, like darkness, covered with thick clouds, carried heavy raindrops that, upon impact, met my umbrella, creating beautiful melodies. It was comforting to hear the drops hitting the hard concrete; they reminded me that I wasn't crying alone.

It was thundering when I arrived at the destination. Bright streaks in the sky made the monument even gloomier. I found it ironic how everything matched my feelings. As I entered through the doors, I could already hear muffled cries. Sadness and suffering permeated the air, leaving me melancholic.

After a few more steps, I could see the person I love the most in the world greeting me with a beautiful smile. His eyes were shining like true rays of sunshine. I sit in front of him, sliding my fingers where his name rests. Lee Joon-Ho.

"Dad, I miss you so much," I say aloud, my voice cracking with emotion. "It's been incredibly lonely without you here. You have no idea how much I long for your company," I said, feeling the salty taste of tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring my friends to meet you like I promised. They're all caught up with their own lives, you know how it is. But don't worry, I'll bring them next time when they're less busy," I chuckle, with no emotion.

I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up excitedly, my heart pounding, but this time as a sign of comfort. They didn't forget. I feel my face stretch into a small smile, which is quickly dissolved.

"Hello, young lady. Good evening," the guard gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to ask you not to linger too long on your visit today. The rain caused some minor leaks, and we'll have to close a little earlier."

"Oh okay, I understand," I responded in a whisper.

"I'm sorry. You have 10 minutes. I'll leave you alone," he said, bowing and leaving promptly.

I turn again, sitting on the floor.

"Dad, today I have to leave a little earlier. But don't worry, I'll be back soon," I feel the tears fall like the drops falling from the sky. "I love you so much," I say between sobs. "I miss you."

I stand up in desperation, running out the door, feeling the drops fall freely on my body, without the protection of the umbrella. It was as if I was washing away all the bad feelings flowing from my being.

Arriving home, I take a hot shower and change into comfortable clothes. The room were in dense darkness. It was just the rain and me. And my cat, who was rubbing against my leg, lay on my lap."

I feel my chest inflate with comfort at the presence of the little being and smile at the gesture.

With the phone in hand, I try to distract my restless mind. I see the Twitter icon and feel my heart pounding as if I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The blue screen shining amidst the darkness of the room soon turns into white, leaving my vision blurred. I switch to dark mode and continue scrolling through my feed.

Within a few seconds, I see something that breaks my heart even more. Among the bursts of excitement from Armys, there are videos of the boys, my boys, having fun in a restaurant with her. They forgot about the visitation day because of her. Again, the reason why I was put aside is her.

Knocks on the door make me forget the feelings of jealousy and anger that burned in my body like fire. I hesitated to remove the furry creature from my lap, as it seemed so comfortable. With a little effort, I get up and walk to the door. Upon opening it, I see Adora's face in a comforting smile. Seeing a friendly face, I feel my tears fall freely on my face once again. She immediately drops the bags she was carrying and envelops me in a loving hug.

I can't say for how long we hugged. What I can say is that it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I feel my chest getting lighter as if all the bad feelings had been carried away by the embrace, and I feel grateful to Adora for that.

Slowly I pull away, and I can see her smile return twice as big.

"Better?" she asks, making me nod.

I step aside, and she enters, placing the food bags on the coffee table. I close the door and follow her.

"What did you bring?" I ask curiously, making her laugh.

"I knew food would cheer you up," she laughs. "I brought a lot of junk food. Sweet and savory cookies, ice cream, sweet and sour pork, hamburgers, and sodas."

"Soda?" I wonder. "Since when do you like fizzy drinks? You always said they gave you gas," I hold back a laugh.

"The soda is for you. For me," she reaches into the bag, pulling out two green bottles of soju. "I brought alcohol," she says sticking her tongue out as she shakes the bottles.

I smile at her little dance, but seeing her gummy smile reminds me of him. I feel the sadness wanting to return when I remember the videos, but I cast aside any bad feelings as I grab the ice cream container.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I'm really sorry I wasn't there. You know how it is at BigHit. I couldn't leave the production until the work was finished," she explains, and I smile.

"It's okay. I understand," I whisper. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"About the boys..." she starts to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Cassie. You know that. Keeping it all inside will only make it worse. You know you can trust me. Vent it out. I'm here," she holds my hand.

I close my eyes, nodding. I search within myself for the strength to let out everything I'm feeling. Everything that's hurting me. I bite my lower lip and open my eyes. It's going to be okay.

"It's been some time since my friendship with the boys started cooling off," I begin, feeling her squeeze my hand in comfort. "You know I met Tae before he became famous, and he's the one who introduced me to the rest of the boys. Since then, we've had a very strong friendship. We weren't always together, especially with the tours and my work, but we were close, like a real family. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, nothing changed, until recently," I sigh. "Park Ji-Hye showed up about 2 months ago, a few weeks before my dad passed away. She auditioned for the dancer position and passed the test," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I saw her audition," she says.

"So, since that day, I saw her getting closer and closer to the boys. They were always talking about how cool and funny she is, and, you know, I was happy for them. A new friendship is always good, especially for them, who are famous and always have to be careful with opportunists. But it never crossed my mind that she would take the place I had in their lives," I smile sadly. "They started visiting me much less. Calling me much less. Inviting me to the dorm or out much less. Until the day I literally became nothing to them," I look at Adora, whose face is red with anger.

"These..." I interrupted her.

"You don't want to lose your job, right?" I ask, laughing. "And you can't blame them either. She became their official dancer, which means wherever they go, she's with them," I shrug. "She's with them all the time, and that surely made them closer to her. Even more than me," I feel my eyes welling up. "I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I already did."

"Hey," she shakes me. "Calm down, breathe. I know they messed up. And they messed up badly, but it doesn't mean they've forgotten about you," Adora says, trying to comfort me.

"They forgot me the day my dad died, Adora. I'll never forget that. I feel like on that day, I died twice. I remember calling them in desperation, crying, not knowing what to do, feeling like my world was falling apart," I pause as I feel all the emotions returning. "And they said they were coming, but they never showed up," I continued after a few seconds of silence. "After that, they sent me a message explaining that Park Ji-Hye had gotten hurt dancing and they were with her at the hospital," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I remember. She just fell on her butt, but she made a scene like she broke her back. Everyone was freaking out at the company, even Bang PD. But in the end, it was just drama," she laments.

"After that, they didn't even visit me. Not even once," I laughed with no emotion. "Right after, they forgot my birthday. I understand that I wasn't excited at all because of my dad, but it wouldn't hurt to receive some supportive or congratulatory messages from them. I was so upset that I sent some sad texts. In less than thirty minutes, they were knocking on my door. We cried a lot, but I felt like a part of me had come back to life and that everything was going to be okay," I sarcastically laughed. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?" I asked.

"Cassie..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. After today, I finally understood," I grab a spoon. "They found someone better than me. Someone who can be with them all the time and help them when they need it. I'm just sad that person isn't me. Not anymore," I shove the spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, to prevent the tears stuck in my throat from coming out.

For the rest of the night, Adora didn't bring up the subject again, and I was grateful for that.

A random movie played on TV, but my mind was far away. I looked to the side and saw Adora sleeping with her mouth open. A piece of cookie rested on her cheek while her hand lay above her head. I silently chuckled, covering us and then turning off the TV.

A distant ringing sound caught my attention. I tapped around the couch until I found the phone under the cushion. My eyes automatically closed from the sudden contact with the bright screen, but just as they closed, they widened.

After the first notification, thousands started to show up. My heart throbbed in my chest as my body was flooded with nervousness.

"Min PD: Cassie, please tell me you're there."

"Joonie: Please respond. We're sorry. It wasn't our intention not to show up..." The message appeared cut off because I hadn't unlocked the phone yet.

"Hobierto: Believe us, Cassie. Please, we know you're awake. Answer us."

"Jinnie: Cassandra, we would never do anything to hurt you. Please let us explain."

"Mochi: Answer the phone."

After that message, a group call popped up on the screen. I stared at it, battling the urge to answer. I sighed deeply and threw the phone back onto the couch because no matter how much I wanted to talk to them, I was still hurt. I didn't want to answer and end up fighting. Saying things without thinking and ending up in a worse situation. The best thing to do now was to rest.

I made myself comfortable on the bed we had arranged on the floor, and put the pillow over my head to block out the notifications. When I didn't see any changes, I pressed the power button on my phone and confirmed it right away. I lay back down and took a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be okay. ——————————————————

It wasn't even dawn when I heard knock after knock. Disoriented, I got up, searching for where the noise was coming from until my feet led me to the front door. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and got irritated to see it was six past two in the morning.

I swung the door open, ready to argue with whoever had woken me up so early after going to bed so late, but I lost my voice when I saw the seven people I loved most staring at me ty forlornly.

I felt two arms embrace me tightly, followed by two more until I lost count. Desperate whispers for forgiveness echoed in my ear, making me feel loved... until a certain moment. Memories of what had happened the night before made me wake up from the sleep I didn't know I was in. Slowly, I distanced myself from the seven, able to see the tears streaming down some of their faces and sadness emanating from the others.

"Cassie..." Jimin starts. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't our intention to leave you alone in such a difficult time. Please, believe us."

"We didn't come here to lie to you, Cassandra..." Namjoon says. "It really wasn't our intention. I know this is going to sound completely wrong, but we made a promise to Ji-Hye. We promised to take her out to celebrate her birthday since she's far from her family and would probably celebrate alone," I try to hide a grimace.

They couldn't miss her birthday, but could miss mine.

"As soon as we finished eating, we were going to come straight here. And we really were, Cas, really. But the company called saying we had to go there to finalize the last details for the album. It was then that we sent several messages in the group, but you didn't see any."

"That's why we're here," Taehyung says, interrupting Namjoon. "Cassie, listen to me. You're one of the most important people in my life. Sorry if lately my actions haven't shown that, but please, please, Cas, don't be mad at us. I couldn't bear to know that you're upset because of me," he whispers.

"Go to the dorms tonight. Let's talk about this calmly," Hoseok suggests.

I remain silent for a few minutes.

"Come on, please. Hum? Hum?'' Tae shakes my arm. ''You'll go, right? Say yes," he asks.

"Okay," I sigh deeply. "I'll go."

I feel arms wrapping around my body again, and I relax, enjoying the contact. This time, the hug lasted only a few seconds. The boys said goodbye, saying they needed to be at the company in a few hours.

"Tonight at 7. We'll be waiting for you," Yoongi said and then left.

I closed the door, trying to contain my excitement and the obvious smile on my face. As I turned to go back to bed, I was startled to see only Adora's head peeking out from behind the couch. She had a radiant smile on her face as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up," I say, making her laugh. ——————————————————

I look at the clock on the wall. It's 8:07 in the evening. Damn, I was late. I could already hear Adora's voice slowly emerging in my mind, saying that I should have listened to her and picked out my outfit earlier. Shaking my head, I focus on finishing getting ready. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my own mind.

I hear knocks and the doorbell ringing repeatedly.

"Shit," I mutter as I hop over to the door.

I try to put on my sock while walking to the door, but my unfailing plan soon becomes fallible when I trip over my own hand and fall on the floor. The knocks and the doorbell grow louder, and I feel irritation creeping in. "ALRIGHT, I'M COMING," I yell and pick myself up.

I walk back to the door with a pout and my hair completely tousled, covering my face. I take a deep breath, fix my hair, put on a fake smile, and finally open the door. As I see the seven people I love most in the world looking at me with confused faces, I feel my smile turn genuine, and the earlier irritation vanish as if it had never existed.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you come?" I hear Taehyung ask as he scrutinizes me from head to toe."

"What happened? Something serious?" Seokjin asks, and I shake my head.

"No, guys, sorry. I almost died trying to choose a good outfit to wear and ended up running late, sorry," I explained laughing.

''What do you mean you almost died?" Jungkook asks as I watch their faces turn into a grimace."

"It was nothing, really," I reassure, taking a quick glance at Jungkook, who was holding back his laugh.

He knew it. I am sure he did.

"Are you sure you didn't... you know... fall on your ass?" he smirks. "I'm sure I heard a huge..."''

"Hobi," I said excitedly, "What do you have there?" I pointed to the bags he was carrying while Jungkook laughed.

That little prick.

''Food," he says, shaking the bags. ''We know how much you love eating''.

I chuckle and make way for them to enter. In a few minutes, the food was already on the coffee table, and an improvised bed was set up on the living room floor. I change into more comfortable clothes and join them.

"Look, before we start, we want you to know how sorry we are," Yoongi says.

"Yes... Sorry for not being there on the visitation's day," Jimin adds. "If there's anything you want to say, anything that's bothering you, please let us know. We'll fix it all, Cassie. ''he holds my hand.'' We want things to go back to how they used to be."

"We're here for you, Cas," Jin finishes, and I smile weakly.

I pause for a moment, feeling that it still wasn't the right time. So, I just sigh and shake my head.

"It's okay, guys. Really," I open with a smile. "Let's just watch this movie already. I'm dying to see who'll be the first one to cry and shake in fear like a little kitten." I say, trying to change the subject, and smirk when I realize it worked.

"I am sure it won't be me," Hoseok says with confidence. "Cause you know..." he shows off his muscles. "I'm a man," he pauses for a minute.

It doesn't take long until Hoseok's laughter fills the room, making everyone laugh.

"Who listens to him talking like this, doesn't even think the Gladiator sandal outside belongs to him," Jungkook says, making Hoseok look at him flabbergasted.

''Hey, what do you mean by that?'' he asks shookedt. ''It's fashionable''

"Yeah, Hobi. Sure is," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.

''Why I don't believe you are being honest?'' Hoseok asks putting his finger under his chain. ''I'm going to expose you on Twitter. Or should I say X?''

''What? Are you into Xvideos?'' Namjoon asks as he returns.

Everybody stops and looks at him. When did he even leave to begin with?

"What were you doing, Joonie?" I ask, smirking at him. "Were you in the bathroom?" he nods as the rest of the boys laugh.

''Now we know why you are thinking naughtiness'' Jimin says.

Namjoon's face turns red as he shakes his hands nervously. He tries to sit down on the couch but somehow ends up falling on the ground. We can see his cellphone flying around the living room as he throws his arms in the air in an attempt to regain his balance, but it doesn't work, as expected.

''No need to be nervous, Joonie'' I say. ''Everybody masturbates once in a while.''

''Do we?'' Yoongi looks at me suspiciously.

"I mean," I chuckle nervously. "How did we even get to this conversation? Let's just watch the movie for God's sake."

"Nah, nah. Don't you try coming up with excuses," Tae says abruptly. "What do you mean by that? Are you dating someone?" Jungkook seems to be having fun as he opens a beer can.

''What? Me? Dating?'' I laugh. ''Not even close. But I can't say the same about Jungkook, can I?'' he chokes.

''Uh? What you on about?'' he asks as he cleans his mouth. ‘’Seven days a week, huh?’’ he burst into laughter. He pauses for a minute before smirking. "Hm, why's that, baby girl?" he says, leaning in my direction. "Are you jealous?" he asks, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to…" he bites his lower lip. "You know," he says putting his finger on my lips. I can already feel the cringeness and second-hand embarrassment traveling throughout my body as the rest of the boys laugh. This prick. ‘’You really need to get out from twitter,’’ I say, shoving him away. ‘’The next step is to put up a black and white profile picture and call yourself a webdom’’ He raises both of his middle fingers in my direction before turning his attention back to the beer can. ‘’Are you guys done? Can I finally play this damn movie?’’ Yoongi asks, making everybody nod.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay overnight. They had to leave very early the next day due to their schedule.

I hesitated to get up; I didn't want to accompany them to the door out of sheer laziness, and feeling Taehyung shaking me with his foot made me even more sluggish.

"If you keep doing that, I swear I'll fall asleep," I say, making him huff.

"Come on, sloth imitation. Take us to the door," Jimin says, but gives up when he sees Jungkook lying next to me.

"Jungkook, I'm sure you really like your video game, right?" Seokjin asks, and in a jump, Jungkook gets up.

"Are you really not taking us to the door?" Yoongi asks, and I remain silent. "Okay then."

When I open my eyes to see what he was going to do, I feel an arm gather and squeeze my legs while a hand starts tickling my feet furiously.

"JESUS!" I scream in surprise.

I heard laughter as I fought for my life. The strange feeling that tickling brought made me confused if I was laughing because I found it funny or if it was fear messing up my nervous system. The laughter increased as I writhed and screamed for help.

"YOONGI, YOU JERK!" I said without realizing that I was actually yelling.

"Weren't you sleepy?" Yoongi asks. "So, I'm trying to help you."

"WAIT UNTIL I GET UP, YOU PIECE OF BROWN SUGAR, I'M GOING TO END YOU."

"Are you going to take us to the door?" he asks.

"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU, JUST STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I yell.

I feel my body calm down and my brain start functioning again as the tickling ceases. I looked at Yoongi who was laughing while sniffing his hand.

"Ew, you have smelly feet," he says, and I get up.

"Come here, you little jerk," I chase after him as he runs away mocking me.

After a few seconds, I could already feel that the 70% of water in my body had evaporated and the air in my lungs was scarce. When did my body become so sedentary?

"Idiot," I curse Yoongi who laughs. "I hate you."

"I love you too, beautiful thing," I hear him say.

Finally, I accompany them to the door. After a lazy farewell, I see them about to leave, but a click in my mind makes me stop them.

"As you know, I graduated from college, but since it was at the time when my father died, I didn't have any enthusiasm to celebrate. Adora recommended that I have a celebration the day after tomorrow night, since it's the weekend. Just to not let it go unnoticed. So... you guys are invited."

"We'll be here, don't worry," Namjoon says, and I smile nodding.

We say goodbye again, and this time, I see them leave. Seeing the elevator door close, I go back inside the house. The smile on my face never leaves me for a second, and finally, after so long, I could feel that things would really be okay.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to Adora, everything was organized on time. The food was ordered since neither she nor I wanted anyone to die from food poisoning. The time we ended up in the hospital the day we cooked for each other was enough. No need to repeat the dose.

I check the time on my phone and see it's 8pm. They would arrive at any moment, so I sit next to Adora on the couch to chat until then.

☂ ☂

Some time passed, and the boys still hadn't arrived. I look at the time again and see that it's 9:46. I try not to think the worst and choose to believe they would be here soon.

☂ ☂

I sigh deeply at seeing what time it is: 11:14. I try to ignore Adora's pitying look and get up from the couch. I suppress the tears once again. I am tired of crying. And more than ever, I realize that they don't deserve my tears.

"Cassandra..." Adora calls me, and I look at her. "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Something must have happened at the company, and they couldn't let us know." I shake my head.

Something inside me told me that wasn't it, and I decided to trust my intuition.

"Adora, can you take me to the dorm?," I ask softly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to go alone," I weakly smile, and she nods.

"Of course, my love. Of course..." ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The car journey lasted less than I wished. My mind was constantly clouded by memories, anxiety making the painful memories hurt twice as much. I laughed in disbelief. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this.

"Thank you for bringing me," I look at Adora. "And thank you for always being by my side in difficult times. If I felt supported and loved, be sure that it's all because of you. You're an amazing person, Adora, and I hope you know that." she smiles.

"Regardless of what happens there, remember that you are enough. Not for them, but for yourself. Don't belittle yourself for them, Cassie, and don't let the love you feel for them speak louder than your self-love. If you survived two hellish months without their presence, be sure that you can live your life and be immensely happy in the future without them. I guarantee you that," I feel her hand squeezing mine for comfort, and I smile. "I'll be waiting for you here," I nod.

I get out of the car, feeling Adora's words take effect. I walk bravely towards the towering building, ignoring every feeling of nostalgia trying to invade me. I couldn't lose focus now.

Arriving on their dorm's floor, I feel my heart skip a beat. I pause for a moment and try to put my thoughts and feelings in order. Seeing no result, I lean against the wall and try in every way to avoid a panic attack that was about to come. As if it were a heavenly help, I feel my phone vibrate. With trembling hands, I pick it up and see a message from Adora.

"Don't forget, you are strong and capable. And never for a moment think you are alone, because I'm here for you."

I clutch my phone tightly. Adora is right. I am strong and I am capable. I can do this because regardless of what happens, I will be okay.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the strength and courage from my being, and knock on the door. I freeze when I realize what I've done, but I quickly compose myself. I will be okay.

A few seconds passed and no one answered, so I knocked again. But just like the first time, there was no response. After the third attempt, I decide to enter. Typing the password on the door, I entered the dormitory.

Upon realizing that there was no one in the main hall, the pounding of my heart calmed down. I begin to walk through the dormitory, recalling every good moment I had with my boys. I feel the sadness emanating in my chest once again.

I really didn't want to lose them.

As I walked down the corridor, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I started walking with firm steps, but I felt my legs waver when I heard a female voice among their voices. It was her.

"Jungkook-oppa, you're so silly," I hear her delicate laughter, feeling jealousy burning in my chest.

It should be me there.

"The silly you love," I hear Jungkook reply.

I could hear the happiness in his voice. It was as if they didn't need anyone else at the moment but her. And that made me hate her, but my own mind scolded me. She is not worthy of my hatred. She is as innocent as I am in this story. She did nothing to hurt me, so why would I hate her?

"Hinnie," I hear Hoseok's voice.

Hinnie...

"Try it and tell me what you think."

There was a moment of pause until applause and sounds of appreciation were made.

"It's amazing, oppa," she says. "You really keep improving in the kitchen every day."

Unable to bear it anymore, I think of simply turning around and leaving, but something catches my attention. And it was precisely there, in that moment, that I regretted staying.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" I hear Taehyung say, and I feel my body tremble.

Once again, there was a pause until someone shouted.

"Shit, really," Jimin said. "We forgot to take the drinks out of the freezer."

I feel my heart break, as if that were possible. I let out a disbelieving laugh and finally come out from where I was hiding.

"And try more of this," Hoseok suddenly stops. "Cassie..."

I hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Soon, everyone was staring at me wide-eyed. I repress the urge to laugh. I realize how messy my whole body was the moment I wanted to laugh and not cry.

"Oh no," Jimin says, as if remembering something. "The party."

With that said, everyone becomes even more desperate. Seeing them approaching, I panic.

"Don't come near,"

They quickly stop. I see them not knowing what to do. And it wasn't just them. I end up getting disoriented with so much pressure. Where did my courage go when I needed it most?

"Um... what's going on?" she asks, and I close my eyes.

It's not her fault. It's not her fault...

"Ji-Hye, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Namjoon asks.

"Yes, of course. It's time for me to leave anyway," she gets up. "I'll see you later," she says bowing both to them and to me.

After she left, silence hung in the air. I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I saw everyone's confused faces, I knew I had failed. When I noticed that no one was going to say anything, I took the initiative.

"Do you know what's more disappointing? It's that I really thought this time would be different," I shrug. "I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Cas..."

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had something to say, Jinnie? If something was hurting me? Well, I do, and I hope I won't be interrupted."

With no response, I continue.

"I feel like I died. It's been a while since I am just surviving," I start. "The fact that you didn't come to the visitation isn't the part that hurts the most, it's that you weren't there when my father passed away. I remember how desperate I was, and the only people I could think of were you. But you weren't there. Damn, you didn't even call." I whisper as tears fall freely down my face. "When I found myself alone in the hospital, realizing that the person who adopted me and chose me to love had died, that was my first death. The person who loved me, who looked beyond language or race barriers, and who taught me everything I know had suddenly left, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye. Do you know how I felt? Devastated."

I pause for a moment. Melancholy takes over my body as I recall all the feelings I felt that day, and for a moment, I allow myself to cry all I needed. I sob so much that I thought I might choke. Without caring about looks or pity, I just allowed myself, knowing that everything would be okay.

"When I called the only people I thought I could count on, and they told me they were coming, I didn't feel so alone," I let out a humorless laugh. "Until I realized that those people never arrived. The people who always said they would be there for me weren't there when I needed them the most. That was my second death," I look at Jin. "Don't say these things to anybody if they are not coming from your heart. Don't hurt anyone else by saying you have their backs or that you will always be there for them when in reality it's not the truth."

I look at each one. Their gazes were distant, as if they were reliving every moment.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm mad at Park Ji-Hye. Actually, quite the opposite. I was really happy when you said you met someone nice. Someone who really cared about you and genuinely wanted your friendships. I know how tough it is for you to find real friendships with all the fame, so I felt fulfilled too. I remember telling daddy excitedly, and he laughed at my excitement, happy for you and for me. Right after that, I lost him, and little by little, I lost you too, like I was meant to be alone," I smile weakly. "I am sorry if I'm being selfish, but that's how I feel. You guys forgot my birthday. Forgot the visitation days, and to top it off, you forgot my graduation party. It's like you replaced me as if I never even existed in your lives, and that really hurts. Really.''

I finish, and only then I realize they were crying with me. Some didn't have the courage to meet my gaze. We spent a few minutes without anyone saying anything. The only thing filling the air was the sound of our sniffles and sobs.

"On the day your father died," Namjoon begins. "We felt like we had lost a family member because he was, in fact, one. I am truly sorry, Cas, but for me, Park Ji-Hye's fall was an escape. I didn't want to face reality. I wouldn't know how to react to the loss of someone so special, and I also wouldn't know how to act with you," he looks at me.

"On your birthday, we thought you would like to be alone. It would be the first without your father, so we didn't know what to do, Cassie. We panicked," Jimin sighs. "But now I realize how you felt," he laughs humorlessly. "My God, I never thought I'd be such a horrible friend. What a disappointment," he whispers, covering his face with his hand.

"On visitation days," I look at Hoseok. "I confess that I clung to any opportunity not to go, Cas," he cries. "Not because I didn't love you. I love you, and I love you very much, but I never knew how to react to death. The only two times I entered a cemetery, I spent the rest of the week feeling bad, with depressive thoughts. I also couldn't let Armys worry. I didn't want their 'Sun' to lose its brightness. I am so sorry for not being able to tell you this before. I didn't want to seem selfish."

I suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Hearing all this, I realize how futile our apologies seem," Yoongi laughs weakly. "But they are true, Cassie... I understand what Hoseok says. You know about my history with depression, don't you?" he asks, and I nod. "It's the same thing for me. If I enter a cemetery, my thoughts don't stop. Some come in a worse form, and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"We were selfish, Cas," Seokjin says. "I was. I didn't want Armys to see us sad because I knew the chaos it would be. I have no words to express how special you are to me," he pauses. "Cassie, you are my sister, my family. You weren't crying alone; I cried with you. I just couldn't show it. I knew it would be worse if I saw you cry, just like I am seeing now."

There was a moment of silence. Until his voice broke.

"I am sorry," Taehyung says. "Damn, I don't even know what to say, Cassie. You are one of the most precious people I have ever met. I remember how you stayed with us through thick and thin. I also remember how happy you were for us at the beginning, and I know the genuine happiness you felt when we received our first award. You stood by my side when my grandma passed away. How could I not be by your side too? My God," he puts his hand on his head in an act of despair. "You stayed by our side when we thought about disbanding. It was you who helped us see why we are here, who helped us find reasons to stay," he looks at me anxiously. "How could I be so selfish?"

"We thought that regardless of anything, you would always be by our side. That you would understand us, even with our deplorable attitudes. We always thought we would have you next to us, so we neglected you," Yoongi shakes his head. I feel like he answered more to Taehyung than to me. "Damn, anjinho, I'm sorry," I lower my head as I hear him call me by the nickname I loved so much.

"The fact that we started a new friendship also influenced us," Jungkook says. "We were so excited that someone, besides you, wanted a friendship without interest that without realizing it, we put aside the one that had been with us from the beginning," I hear Jungkook say muffled, as his two hands covered his face.

"We don't deserve you, Cassandra. We left you at the most difficult moment of your life, and yet you never stopped loving us," Yoongi pulls his own hair, a habit he always did when he was nervous. "We can't let you leave thinking that we don't care about you because, Cassie, that would be a complete lie. With the stress of the comeback, things only got worse. It was rehearsal, recording, agendas to fulfill, productions, trips, tours. Our minds were a mess, and Park Ji-Hye tried to help us from there. We know she's not the one to blame, and it's not your fault either. It's ours and only ours. I know this will seem like a lame excuse, but I didn't want to let you go thinking that you aren't precious to us. You are Cas. And you always will be."

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. If before I felt bad, now I feel ten times worse. It seemed like I didn't even know them anymore. The feeling of comfort they made me feel was replaced by anguish. By sadness.

I open my eyes, and for the last time, I look at my boys. I realize that Taehyung understood my gaze.

"Cassie, please... Please don't..." Taehyung starts, but is interrupted by Seokjin.

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say."

"But I can't lose her, Hyung. I can't lose her," Taehyung says, crouching down.

I think about going to him, but then I retreat my body. If I do that, I know my heart will weaken, and at the moment, the only person I need to think about is myself.

"I'm sorry, hyung, but I'll be selfish," Namjoon says to Seokjin, and I look at him confused. "I don't know what your decision will be, Cassie. I'll support you, even if you choose to leave without our friendship. But I beg you... Cassandra, I implore you, try to find in yourself a little piece that doesn't want to give up on us. It doesn't have to be now. I want you to heal, and I don't care how long it takes. The only thing I ask is that you don't forget us and don't give up on us. Come back to us when you feel ready. I don't want to lose you, Cas. I..."

"I really hope you find a way to forgive us, Cassie. But understand that if you don't, we'll understand. You, more than anyone else, have every right to hate us," Yoongi says, interrupting Namjoon. "I hope you don't forget about us because, with all my heart, we won't forget about you."

I feel my heart shattering with every tear that falls on their faces. I smile weakly. I will really miss them.

I bow in a sign of respect, and as I return to my normal position, I raise my hand to my heart.

"Thank you, my boys. For all the good moments. You were a very important part of my life, which I will carry forever. I will never forget about all of you," I smile faintly. "How could I forget my first true friendships? My first loves?" I whisper.

I take a breath and smile. A true smile. A smile of gratitude.

"Regardless of what happened, you guys deserve nothing but love and happiness. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Even far away, please remember I will always be cheering for your success. And whenever you feel unloved, remember I love you. Very, very much.'' I can hear their sobs getting stronger. ''Don't think I blame you for what happened; I think I finally understand that life has its ups and downs. People come and unfortunately go," I see Taehyung desperate, trying to find something to say. I look away. I need to be strong. "I hope that every day your friendship with Park Ji-Hye grows, and that you take from all of this a lesson.''

I take a deep breath, looking at them for the last time.

''From the bottom of my heart... I wish you to be immensely happy."

In a gesture, I send thousands of kisses. I see Tae wanting to approach, so I turn around and start walking towards the exit, and this time, I don't cry. I feel the weight of sadness in my chest, but the weight of peace for having put everything I felt out was greater. And for the first time in two months, I believe it when I say that everything will be okay.

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secret-life-of-9to5-polyglot · 10 months ago

Text

JLPT D-148 - welcome to my new blogging journey

So, my goal for this 2024 is to pass the JLPT N2 exam in December, so I have created an intensive study plan to tackle all the different areas (hopefully) in an efficient way before the exam date

I have tried two or three times to sit down and study hard to try the JLPT N2, but I always gave up in the end as I haven't been strategic and realistic about my studies

So why is this time different (or at least it will be different) ?

I decided to approach my JLPT studies as if it was my biggest career project of 2024, which kinda true is btw, so I got into project management and treated this new study goal as if I were the big girl boss in the room

LET'S BREAK DOWN THIS JLPT THING TOGETHER OK?

WHY >> why do I want to pass JLPT N2?

Having a piece of paper certifying my level of Japanese

To feel "validated," to prove that my years of study and passion were worth something

Certify I can work with companies who have Japanese clients or partners

DEADLINE >> December 1st 2024 (T . T)

MAIN PROBLEMS >> problematic elements in my daily life that could be obstacles to achieving my goal

Lack of time

Lack of energies

Possible strategies to overcome those problems:

Learn to manage my time better

Learn how to face my procrastination problem

Learn how to manage my energies better

Work on my sense of discipline

SUCCESS CRITERIA >> parameters that indicate positive progress

Improve my success rate during Anki sessions

Improve simulations' total scores

Improve the score of those vocab & kanji exercises that have the same structure of the ones I find on the exam paper MAIN STRUCTURE OF MY STUDY PLAN:

Create all the flashcards on Anki for the vocabulary and kanji in Sou Matome N2 books

Study all the grammar points in TRY! N2 book

Focus on how to tackle in an optimized way the different questions on the test

LOOOOOOTS of simulations of the exam

Anki daily streak

Daily exercises that cover the different parts of the exam

RESOURCES I AM GONNA USE AND THEIR PURPOSE:

Vocabulary & Kanji learning:

It was recommended by the Italki teacher I am taking weekly lessons from, it was the perfect choice for me indeed! I am using these two books mainly as flashcards prep

Grammar:

TRY! N2 is the main resource I use for learning new grammar points and patterns and I tend to compare its explanations with the ones in the　ESSENTIAL JAPANESE EXPRESSIONS GRAMMATICAL POINTS DICTIONARY

General exercises:

These books are like the step n.2, all about reinforcing my knowledge and getting used to test format

Simulation book:

Planning to make a simulation of the test 2 weeks, this will help with getting used to the tight time available

Now that I have noted down the resources I need to tackle before Dec. 1st, I created an extremely detailed of what I need to get through every day. Of course, it would be hard to keep up with as I am also adapting to a new workplace and getting my life together, so here's why I am also thinking about emergency plans for those days when I don't feel well at all. This is something I will develop on the go, but one of the side quests of this long journey is to also increase my focus time, study stamina, and discipline.

MAIN TIMELINE

Sharing all the extremely detailed plan would be too much, but I have divided these remaining 148 days into two main chunks of practice:

July - August : build the flashcard deck on Anki and study all the grammar points contained in TRY! N2

September - November : exercises

! one element that will be a constant presence in my study plan is doing at least 30 minutes of Anki revision + studying daily

This is more or less the complete overview of how I am going to tackle the JLPT N2 exam, I am feeling very energized and motivated.

Hopefully, I will also be able to update you on a daily basis here. Thank you so so much for your attention <3

#langblr #langblr community #japanese #japanese language #japanese study #jlpt n2 #jlpt exam #study plan #study tips #study motivation #study inspiration #study blog #learning japanese #japanese langblr

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docholligay · 5 months ago

Note

Would love to hear a little about how you decided characters birthdays while you don't care for astrology, seems interesting

I call my approach to astrology, "Astrology isn't real but Fareeha Amari is a Capricorn."

So any choice about when to have a character be born is MOSTLY chance. As annoyed as I am, and as much as I absolutely will not change my birthdays for the characters, which I settled on long long before Blizzard remembered that people are born on specific days, it's regrettably true that my choices are not INHERENTLY superior*

Anyway! I use a book, actually. A hilarious, stupid book, that I found in a coffee shop before beeb was born, when I used to spend every shabbat morning reading in a coffee shop. I went and bought a copy because I thought it was so fun.

So I went through it and basically matched my conception of the overwatch crew's personalities to the days, until i found one that was "right".

So, Lena, in my world, August 13th: (also the start date of the Battle of Britain!)

The Day of Long Odds

"...those born on August 13th at various times in their lives have to face seemingly insurmountable odds to come out on top and stay there.

'...although they can occasionally suffer from quite deep depressions, understandably, and feel beaten down by life, they more often maintain a cheerful, buoyant disposition...and manage to remain friendly, open, and above all, active.

"Many August 13 people have an attraction to danger that is not so much about risking death or injury, but triumphing over great odds. Achieving the impossible is what they are after."

"Those born on this day who recognize and take pleasure in how unusual they are are unlikely to even bother with [a lot of words for traditional progressive success] but prefer to cut their own strange path through life"

Their world, February 17:

"Because of criticism, expectations, or perhaps neglect, February 17 people come to realize very soon in their childhood that their sensitive natures will not survive unless they strengthen their defenses...such defenses may manifest primarily as secretiveness, suspicion, and armoring."

"Those born on this day do not wish to be hindered in their quest for self-fulfillment, so often they ignore what could be desirable human contact to avoid getting stuck or bogged down."

"They have an impressive earthiness, calm and physical presence which makes others sit up and take notice"

Obviously I am not criticizing them for not matching the book, because they are not USING the book, but you can see how I would never have picked such a day for Lena.

I'm not going to bore you with everyone, but my day for Fareeha, December 30th, is like "For them, it is important that the best possible job be done." "December 30 people hate mess and chaos." "They must be aware of dogmatically adhering to fixed principles"

So I think it's a great book for stuff like this because it gives some reason to pick a birthday that is good for human beings named Doc who are me, despite being upper level weird astrology.

*They are because I made them and I am the best OW person ever.

#also though 'astrology is fake but so is fareeha amari'#hilariously my birthday is 'the day of the mortal mirror'#and boils down to 'you will not fucking shut up about integrity morality and the human condition'

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pacifymebby · 3 months ago

Text

t r o u b l e / chapter forty

I awoke to an almost undisturbed quiet. My afternoon a haze of exhaustion. For a moment I felt so disoriented, expected to sit up and find myself in my bedroom in the flat I shared with Sonya. Kings Cross station rattling away not so far away. Instead however when I sat up, I saw the lamplight from outside spill through open curtains, pooling at Isaiah's feet the other side of the room.

He was sitting where I had left him, chin resting on his closed fists. His eyes were hooded but not closed and when he heard me stir he looked up at me. Fixed me with a warmer gaze than I was expecting.

"Tommy's gone home," he said, he sounded tired, his voice a little heavy, "him and Arthur, gone back to Birmingham..." He said watching me for a reaction of some kind. One I was determined he wasn't going to get.

"So we're staying?" I asked raising my brow, pushing the covers back only to find myself wearing someone else's pyjamas. They were much too big for me, a long sleeve grey top and plaid bottoms tied at the waist. I must have changed into them myself but I could hardly remember now. That wasn't exactly unusual for me though, not when I'd been pushing myself to my limits, wearing myself out.

Isaiah looked like he was about to say something else, like he was about to launch into some kind of speech but just as he opened his mouth did the light fade from his eyes and leave him sighing.

"Aye," he said.

"And I'll be dancing for Sunny?" I asked waiting for him to elaborate. Waiting for him to tell me something more about the circumstances which had seen my brother's give up on me and go home without so much as a goodbye.

"That's really all you care about isn't it..." He smirked, smirked in that way like he really didn't know what else to do with me, not quite despair, more a kind of shrugging of his shoulders. As though he couldn't believe it but was accepting it all the same. "Fuckin hell love.." he sighed.

Of course it wasn't true.

The thought that they could leave so casually, so cooly, whilst I slept through their departure, left a hollow in my chest. A sinking kind of disappointment. And after having claimed to come down here for my safety, because they cared about me, because I was family and family meant unconditional love and mutual respect.

I had to bite the tip of my tongue behind my teeth to control the swell of spite, the hurt which rose up inside me then. When I realised that Tommy had abandoned me. Turned his back on me.

He didn't do that to family lightly, didn't do it at all if he could help it. And now he had me and I knew that that meant I was on my own for good.

"Why didn't you go with him?" I asked, watching Isaiah carefully to try and read his sullen expression. To work out if he'd been given a choice.

"Cause my jobs here int it..." He shrugged, "lookin after you..."

I didn't want to say it out loud, didn't want to say 'not if Tommy's turned his back on me' because that would have sounded so pitiful, would have made me feel so helpless. I couldnt stand the thought of Isaiah seeing me helpless or forlorn, couldn't stand the thought of letting on the hurt my brother had managed to wound me with.

So I didn't say a word.

"Surprised Tommy trusts you..." I said a little later instead. Isaiah had announced that he was going for a smoke and when I'd shrugged and remained seated on the bed he had smirked and nodded for me to follow him. He'd said he wasn't to let me out of his sight from now on, I wondered who had given him that order and what exactly they'd thought it would achieve. Surely Tommy was smart enough to know if it hadn't helped at Arrow House it wouldn't help here.

"After your little stunt the other day?" Isaiah raised his brow and then shrugged me off. Somehow Tommy and Arthur's visit had restored his confidence. If his ego was wounded he was taking it out on me now with the arrogance of a man who's been told he'd right by all his friends. "Not daft love, you ain't gonna do it again..."

"No?" I asked with a smirk, I felt a little silly stood there challenging him when I was still wearing Alfie's pyjamas, the bottoms tucked into a pair of thick socks, the socks protruding from a pair of ballet slippers soaking up old rainwater in the courtyard.

There was an open window not so far away from us, it belonged to the living room and I could hear the popping of the fire and the occasional whine of a dog. So I knew that Alfie was probably within earshot. Wondered what he thought of my brother's early departure, what he had planned for me now that Tommy had turned his back.

"Nah," said Isaiah, "you heard your brother didn't you, told me to let you fuckin do it if you try again..." I wondered whether that made him feel a little sick to say it. To remind me of my brother's cruelty. Because it made me feel a little sick to hear him say it, to be reminded of the way he'd so easily entertained the idea.

"You're not my big brother though are you Saih," I said with a forced little grin, "you'd never let me, you don't have the balls..."

"Ain't about me balls Sylvia," he said, "it's about me patience..."

I cracked a laugh at that, shook my head.

"Everything's about your balls Saiah..." I said rolling my eyes at him and turning away.

"Oh ha ha..." He sneered as he took another drag on his cigarette and exhaled not bothering to mind the direction he blew his smoke. The sigh of it tangling in my hair.

I knew it would have done him pleased to see me cough and scrunch my face up so I didn't. Instead I held his gaze and held my smirk, stubborn and fixed, eyes still sparkling with a quiet spite as I watched him take another drag. With my arms folded across my chest I maintained eye contact until he was forced to break it. Letting me down when instead of rising to my quiet challenge he turned away from me and flicked his cigarette into the dark of the courtyard.

"I'm going inside now it's cold." I said quieter than before. I didn't wait for him to turn around or offer me a response before I turned my back on him.

But when I did he let me, let me walk back into the house on my own. I'd been expecting him to try a little harder than that to keep his word to my brother.

I kept that in mind when I took a left in the hallway and pushed the door to the living room open gently instead of turning to retreat back up the stairs.

I could hear music playing quietly, recognised it as being the music I had danced to for Alfie the day before. Alfie was reclining across the sofa, his feet kicked up on the arm, one hand behind his head as he peered through a little pair of glasses at the pages of a book he held before him. He didn't look the part, not really. In his grey joggy bottoms and his long sleeve black pyjama top. He didn't look at all like someone who should be reclining fireside listening to Swan Lake, reading a classic. But with Cyril resting peacefully on the rug just beneath him, that's exactly what Alfie was.

When I closed the door to behind me and let myself lean back against it, the click of the door pulled him away from his book. He didn't move his head but he let his eyes wander over me for a moment. As his gaze returned to the lines of his book he let out a dramatic little sigh.

"Bedtime story poppet?" He asked with a smirk, "that what you're lookin for?"

I was quiet for a moment, a little uncertain as to whether or not he was taking the piss or making a serious offer. Not that I'd have known what to say if he had been making a serious offer.

"Isaiah says my brothers have gone home," I started, watching him for any tell tale signs.

He continued to read for a moment, his lips moving silently as his eyes moved over the page. When I remained standing there, leaning against the door with my hands behind my back he paused once more. Let his eyes return to linger on me for a moment longer.

"Yeah poppet," he said dismissive at first, softening on his repeat as he sat himself up and leant forward, elbows digging into his thighs. He held his chin in his hands as he looked at me with a flicker of sympathy pooling in his dark eyes, "yeah poppet thats right they have, they've gone home yeah..."

"So I'm staying here?"

"Yeah," he nodded with a little downward smirk, "as far as I understand that is what your brother intends yeah, for you... to stay here... with me..." He held the book open over his hand, two fingers splitting the pages to the spine as he nodded along with me. His eyes fixed on me then.

"Good," I said doing my best not to betray myself. To hide any sense of betrayal or scorn I may have felt. "So tomorrow I can go to my rehearsals?"

He paused as if to weigh the options in his mind but I already knew what he would say. He smirked and nodded his head.

"Yeah well, I spose you can can't you, that is after all what you've wanted to do all along ain't it... Dance, at your rehearsals..."

"Isaiah will take me..." I started to say, cut off before I could finish my sentence or realise that the flicker of uncertainty which had crossed my eyes had been noted.

"If that's what you wish my girl..." He said scratching his chin, watching me closely, a smirk at play in his eyes.

"It's what my brother wants."

"Yeah," he nodded again, his voice a little too level and a little too quiet for my liking. I knew not to settle down, not to get too comfortable. "Yeah that is what your brother wants ain't it, ain't you a clever girl Sylvia, know what everybody wants don't you..."

And there it was, the turn in his tone. The darkening. I held his gaze, swallowed carefully. Made certain to breathe soft and slow so as not to disturb the air around me.

"Tell me little Sylvia, you ever wondered what it is I want?" He let his question linger in the air for a moment, raised his brow and pretended he was waiting for me to speak, "yeah, you ever wondered what mean and miserable old Alfie wants?"

I bit the tip of my tongue and waited for him to continue but this time he didn't and I realised a moment too late that he'd been expecting an answer after all.

"Nah," he sighed, "didn't think so... Come here yeah, no no come on I mean it poppet you come here now yeah..." He beckoned me over with one hand, stood up when I appeared to hesitate. But when he said it again I didn't make the same mistake twice. "C'mon Sylvia, I ain't gonna hurt you..."

I rolled my eyes, gave him my best insolent little smirk and pushed away from the door crossing the rug towards him. When I stopped just in front of him he looked down at me with satisfaction, nodded his head and said, "yeah, that's better... Doin as your told yeah, much better poppet."

"So?" I asked deciding that I wasn't going to wait or play along as he clearly wanted and thought I would. "Are you going to tell me then?"

"Am I gonna tell you what?" He asked, a vacant flicker in his eyes as if he really had lost his train of thought.

"What you want." I said plainly, my eyes fixing his as I refused to back down. Refused to shrink away from the shadow he cast.

"Oh right yeah, that... Well that's pretty simple actually poppet, what I want yeah, is for someone half capable to be tasked with escortin you here there and everywhere..."

"Tommy thinks Isaiah is capable."

"Yeah? And what about you sweetheart, you trust him do you?" He asked, his words needling at me, trying to slip beneath my skin and stitch his words in.

"Yeah."

He raised his brow but he didn't contradict me, didn't scold me or chide me, didn't tell me not to lie to him. I wondered whether he could tell my uncertainty, whether he could sense that I'd only said I trusted Isaiah because I knew loyalty to the family was first and foremost, in any situation. Even if I didn't trust him, I had to trust in the family.

Alfie didn't say anything then, instead he simply nodded his head and sat back down, let himself sink dramatically into the cushions and comfortable. I watched him as he stretched his arm out along the back and then gestured to me with the book he held open still. He'd kicked his feet up on the foot rest which stood between us and he sat there then looking up at me expectantly.

"Sit down poppet," he said, "Our dear Ruthie's making you an 'ot chocolate..."

"I don't..." I started to say, a frown on my brow when he cut me off gesturing rather lackadaisically with his hand as I'd to swat the thought away.

"You're gonna drink it," he said, "cause you missed your dinner an also, because me an you have a deal, don't we treacle..."

I looked back at him unimpressed, my arms folded across my chest. My lips a straight line.

He just raised his brow at me, knowing he didn't need words to remind me of my promise to him. The quiet he let us linger in reminding me of the mercy he had shown me in that hospital room. The care with which he'd held me close so that I could cry without being seen. That alone was enough to remind me why I'd made him a promise in the first place.

So I did as I was told once again. Sat myself down on the other end of the sofa, tucked my knees beneath my chin and turned to face Alfie. I let my body sink sideways against the back of the sofa and eventually, as I felt myself begin to relax, I let my head follow too. Watching him from the far end of the sofa, my lashes fluttering with the weight of the sleep I longed to return to.

"Now," he said with a little more drama than he needed to, "are we sittin comfortably?"

I smirked and let him see it, let him see the fondness there. Wasn't sure why I was letting him watch me warm up to him in real time like that. In a way that made me so vulnerable at exactly the time when I needed to be my most resolute. But perhaps that was exactly why. Because my brother had left me with no other option.

"Then I shall begin...."

He was reading Dracula and I couldn't help but smirk when I recognised the laconic drawling sentences of Johnathon Harker's journal. We'd studied the book in school and whilst my sister had enjoyed picking it apart, reading into the symbolism, I had been too easily lulled by the rhythm of those endless descriptions to read into anything.

Now, as Alfie read aloud, despite his theatrical reading, I could feel my eyelids grow heavy once more. The story like a haunted lullaby. With the crackle of the fire, the heat from it rosying my cheeks, and the lethargy of the nap I'd barely pulled myself from before I'd drifted into the older man's sitting room, it was a struggle to stay awake.

And yet I wanted to stay awake.

There was something about him which held me captive, something curiously enticing about him. He fascinated me, something about his supposed madness, the way he leant into it like a permanent performance of his heart, drew me in. Made me want to observe him carefully so as to pick him apart. So as to spy the truth in him if there was any truth to spy.

When Ruth came in pushing a tea trolley that would have been more at home in an 80s dollshouse than it was in Alfie's living room I did as I knew they were both hoping and accepted the drink. Held the mug in both my hands beneath my chin, the steam rising to my lips and nose as I cradled the heat and let it warm me through.

It was one of those things, so commonplace an action, that brings you back to yourself, back into your body. Let's you know where and who you are and exactly how you really feel.

And how I felt was cold and tired. Emotionally dragged over stones. As if I were covered in all these little cuts and scratches. No serious damage done in any one place, but over all torn up. And I knew why.

And as I took a sip of my hot chocolate and met Alfie's gaze by mistake, I knew that he knew too. Swallowed down disappointment with the saccharin drink because I knew I shouldn't have betrayed myself and yet I had so easily. One look into my Shelby eyes had told him everything he needed to know.

I'd wound up feeling so desperately alone.

Tommy

We didn't drive straight home. It would have been better to, would have been better to return to the children, to the girls. The twist of regret in my gut was knowing that perhaps it wouldn't be a comfort to any of them when we returned. They needed us there and all of them knew it but whether they wanted us there was a different matter.

For Esme I would be the shadow over the moon, thick grey clouds returning to the night sky, the last clot across the stars. For Ada I was chains. For Polly I was the cold breathing beneath the crack of the door. And for Sonya, though it pained me to admit it, I was nothing but a cruel stranger, a haunting. A sharp and unforgiving reminder of the family we used to share but didn't share anymore. I knew that for a fact because that was how it felt for me to look upon those two girls.

We didn't go straight home. First we went to the hospital where Michael was being watched over by two of Alfie's men. Though I'd been cynical of his retelling of the events which had earlier that day lead to my little sister threatening several lives, I could believe there to be some truth to the story. Looking at the bleak grey corridor with it's jellied salmon coloured walls, the relentless huff and hum of the oxygen machines, I could believe that our men had been wanting for a distraction. That they might have wearied in the gloom. But I couldn't bring myself to believe him entirely. Couldn't bring myself to picture my little sister and the hateful way she might have demanded a shot at killing them herself.

If I were to believe Alfie and all his little embellishments, I would need to believe that not only had some of my lads been sleeping on the job, but also that my youngest sister had been half way to murdering them in the halls. Tearing them apart just as fiercely as Arthur out of control in the ring.

And I couldn't bring myself to believe that our little Sylvie was as feral as all that. Wasn't about to let myself believe that that kind of insanity ran simply in our blood. She wasn't an animal, she wasn't as disturbed and detached as she had wanted my to believe when she'd looked me dead in the eye, standing so still and unphased by the threats to her own life, even when I made them so freely.

If she was then there was no saving her. I couldn't believe in a version of her I couldn't save.

"Wait in the car," I told Arthur as we stopped two streets back from the hospital.

"Wanna see him too Tommy..." Started Arthur though it only took one look from me to see him silent.

He was already too shaken up from an evening at Solomons' house, five minutes with an unconscious Michael and any other guests might see him tipped over the edge.

"Don't let your guard down Arth," I said patting his cheek once, offering him a short brotherly smile to steady his resolve.

He just sat there, vape between his teeth, a packet of cigs toyed half out his pocket before I'd even closed the door. He was a nervous sack of bones, all wound up and ready to crumble or rip someone else to shreds. It worried me to leave him armed but I had no choice. If the Italians were watching us, waiting to ambush us, then he needed to be armed. If they weren't and nothing happened then nothing happened. I'd return to my brother to find him half a pack of cigs down and biting down on a dead vape. It was the third option that worried me.

So I didn't look back as I walked away, long coat to shield me from the cutting London cold. I left him in the locked car and tried not to think about the mess I might return to if everything didn't all go to plan.

And when I found Michael's room I found it being watched by two lads sitting either side of the door. They seemed about as alert as anyone could possibly manage to be when sitting bored out their brains in a hospital waiting area, but at the sound of my footsteps their eyes snapped up and I smirked, pleased at least that I wouldn't have to cause the same scene little Sylvia had apparently been gunning for.

"No changes sir..." Said one of them, glancing over his shoulders as if to peek round at my sleeping cousin.

"No," I said, nodding a quiet down turned smirk as I passed the young lad by and stepped inside my cousins room.

He wasn't sleeping. He was comatose. The agonised whirr of his oxygen the only thing keeping him holding on.

The sight of him probably would have been sickening if I hadn't seen so much worse during the war. I couldn't help but wonder what it had done to Sylvia to see him like this. Perhaps it had been the sight of Michael in stitches, chest moving almost artificially as if only pretending to breathe, which had knocked the last shred of humanity out from behind her eyes. Perhaps it had been the hopeless jaundiced shade of his skin, how every inch of him seemed swollen and bruised and yet drained of blood and life, how corpse like he looked despite the beat of his heart on the monitor. Perhaps it had been this silent horror which had left Sylvia seeming ghostly and hollow herself.

I had to tell myself it was shock which gripped her. That Alfie was wrong about her. Needed to know that Alfie was wrong. That she wasn't like me at all.

"You look worried Tommy..." He'd said to me as we stood over Sylvia's sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful beneath that yellow blanket, her hair sleek and swept out of her still features. She looked so young and so gentle.

I hadn't said a word, just watched her. Just waited for him to carry on.

"Ain't a good look for men like you an me is it mate..."

"Better to know the noose around your neck..." I had said adjusting my shirt collar and turning away from her. I hadn't expected him to let me walk away and or turn my back on her. He didn't. Not straight away anyway.

"Maybe so Tommy but it ain't no good telling everyone else about it either... Know what the great British public are like, fuckin love a public execution don't they... The whole bloody country'll turn out if you let 'em..."

And though he might have been trying to speak in riddles again his meaning had been perfectly clear to me.

That not every enemy we shared knew the extent of the trouble my family were in. That closing ranks with such a tyrannical urgency would only alert our enemies to the true extent of our sudden loss of control. That if we wanted to win this war, we were going to have to pretend we weren't already losing.

So although it might have gone against all my better instincts leaving Sylvia in his care had really been my only option.

Now as I stood looking down at Michael's barely reanimated corpse I felt the gravity of that very fact weighing me down.

There was no world in which you could describe Alfie Solomons as a good man and yet in this one I had to believe in a slither of good like a streak of silver running through his black heart.

Mostly I had to believe in his brains. Had to believe he wasn't stupid enough to sell his better ally down the river for a quick buck. If he was making deals with the Italians he'd be their next target, I had to believe he wasn't so stupid as to not know this.

I was disturbed by a nurse. Her gentle knock on the door drew me out of my grave thoughts and when I looked up and turned my head to the door she offered me a small "forgive me" smile.

"Just come to check up on your cousin Mr Shelby," she said her voice warm, she hadn't lost the softness yet, the smile in her voice. Hadn't forgotten how to offer comfort in the face of death. Hadn't hardened with time or gone cold the way most women do when they've been working in hospitals too long.

"Should imagine he's not changed since you last saw him..." I said with a tight closed lipped smile.

"Well," she said, "only saw him an hour ago, shouldn't imagine I've changed much since then either..."

I smirked at that. Couldn't help but note the pretty way she looked when her eyes flickered with that cheeky little light. I wondered how old she was, wondered just how long she'd been treating men like my cousin.

I watched as she spoke to him quietly, all sweet and "hello Michael, it's me Hannah, sorry about all the fuss eh, I'll be done in a minute..." Thought it was a happy little touch the way she seemed to believe he could hear her, or if she didn't, at least wanted to comfort me with the idea that perhaps he could hear her.

"Whats that you're doing there?" I asked quietly, a little uncertain though I felt stupid for showing quite how easily she'd sparked my nerves when she'd began messing with his syringe driver.

"Just checking everythings in order," she offered me a small smile, "and don't you worry Mr Shelby everything is in order... All running smoothly. Your cousin's on a steady dose of morphine and oxycodone... Has anyone updated you on Michael's condition?"

"No," I shook my head, "not exactly... First time in seeing him so... Not much opportunity uh, unfortunately..."

"Oh, well..." She started, "sorry Mr Shelby I didn't realise you'd not visited before, I can uh... I can get a doctor if you'd like to speak to them..."

"No no," I said swallowing a lump in my throat, I wasn't sure I wanted to know the details, not from someone as cold and removed as I'd grown to know doctors could be. I didn't really trust people who worked in hospitals, didn't really trust hospitals in general and the longer I spent in this one the more certain I was growing of the fact that I needed to leave. "It's alright, you just tell me what you've got in your notes eh and that'll be fine, don't wanna waste anyone's time... Sure you're doing the best you can for him eh..." I said softly, "call me Tom by the way, no more Mr Shelby, makes me feel like a school teacher or somet..." I tried to force a chuckle but it didn't come and when Hannah looked up at me I could tell she'd sensed my discomfort.

"Oh well, okay if you're sure, you really wouldn't be wasting anyone's time though Tom..." She started but when I shook my head and sat down she trailed off, came to sit-down beside me to explain her notes.

And she was ever so sweet about it, trying her best not to sugar coat but not to let me lose hope. Telling me that although Michael had been placed under a medically induced coma when he'd first come in, he was already showing signs of waking. Perhaps he hadn't opened his eyes yet or spoken, but there had been little finger flexes here and there and he'd been awake enough to express discomfort in the night.

"Main reason he's as quiet as he is now Mr Shelby is cause of the medication, he's on a high dose of morphine to manage his pain and the side effects of that can be very tiring, but he is only sleeping now Tom, and he really is on the mend... I can't tell you how well or how quickly he'll recover cause I ain't a doctor but..."

"He'll be alright," I said nodding my head, looking up from where I sat with my chin resting on my locked fingers. "Thank you Hannah, appreciate the honesty."

"Well I ain't allowed to lie Tom," she said with a soft smile but I just shook my head.

"You wouldn't be the first nurse to try it though would you, thinkin it might make it easier, a little white lie eh?"

"You sound like a seasoned visitor..."

"Aye love," I nodded, "could say that..."

I wondered then whether she knew who it was she was attending to, whether she recognised me. Perhaps not.

"Well," she said, "hopefully once your cousins on his way home I won't be seeing you again eh?" She said with a kindness in her smile as she rested her hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You don't mind me going now sir?" She asked, "I'll be back later on to check on Michael again," she added as if she thought perhaps I might be spending my evening here. It left me a little sad to think she might feel a pang of disappointment upon returning to find I'd gone.

I smiled and nodded and told her I'd see her later. Tried to fight off the feeling that I did in fact want to see her later. Tried to fight of the feeling that life truly was so unfair that the one shred of comfort I'd been offered had duties to attend to and rounds to make. That I couldn't keep her to myself for a little while.

She said goodnight to Michael and told him he'd hear her later and when she left she closed the door behind her and I knew she really didn't know who it was she'd been talking to.

The way she left the room so freely, without checking round the corners first. Without checking over her shoulder to make sure I hadn't turned on her the moment she had turned her back. No, this one was innocent, had no idea the danger me and my cousin had brought with us to that little room with it's oxygen machines and morphine. It's clean sheets and grey green linoleum floor.

I stood for a moment over Michael's bed, knowing now that he could hear me, not knowing what to say to him. There were things I knew I could say, love I could promise him, vengeance too. But I didn't say anything like that.

"Your mother's worried about you Michael, don't break her heart eh..."

Perhaps it wasn't the right thing to say but those were the only words I could conjure for him and I knew that if Sylvia had been in earlier he'd have already had the tears and the love yous he needed.

So I left him with nothing but that warning, and when I left I offered the lads looking after him a little encouragement, something to keep them on side. And then I returned to my big brother in the car and found him exactly as I'd hoped to.

Half a pack of cigs down, chewing on a dead vape.

"One last place to go brother," I sighed, "then home..."

Sylvia

"So there we go..." Sighed Alfie a little later after he had meandered through a chapter or two of the book, "poor little Lucy eh, sounds like she's havin a dreadful time."

"I wouldn't be so sure..." I said with a little smirk as I dared to meet his gaze for a moment, long enough to betray my meaning at least.

"You're thinking of the films little dove," he chuckled, "nah in this story she's got nothin but horrors..."

"I don't agree..." I said with a shrug, sitting myself up though I didn't really want to.

The living room was warm, just about too warm, and the glow of the fire had lulled me half to sleep. The lullaby effect of the smoke, the dim orange of the lamp, the only other light in that high ceilinged room. The shadows cast by the fire holding me in some kind of almost dream.

Alfie nodded, said hmm, but didn't contradict me and then as he placed the book down on the rug he turned back to me. His voice as warm as the room and the fire when he spoke.

"Well," he said, "reckon all this has served it's purpose now ain't it..." He said, his eyes lingering on my sleepy expression. My languid limbs curled up beneath the blanket. "Reckon you're feeling a little better now ain't you...being read to right, it's meant to be very good for the soul yeah, meant to nurture a sense of security and peace right, sposed to stimulate all the right parts of the brain for good sleep yeah and... It's theorised by some experts right, that it helps to build a trusting bond between the reader yeah and the listener." He said without leaving me a moment to confirm. Instead he pushed himself up, grumbling to himself about his back as he went, and then he stopped just before me and offered me his hand. "So you'll sleep better tonight won't you, might actually get some rest yeah, some much needed REM right? And in the morning you'll wake up and you might not feel so ghostly yeah?"

"Perhaps," I said quietly, feeling as though I ought to be thanking him for something though I wasn't sure what. Feeling as though it wasn't enough simply to take his hand and let him steer me to the living room door. Still, that was all I did.

"Now me yeah, I won't be up for a little while yeah, got some business things to attend to right, coupla calls to make you know... Boring stuff really but tomorrow morning I will drive you and the khamer to your rehearsal alright and I will also personally be there to pick you up and bring you home again right?"

"Thank you Mr Solomons," I said relieved to find he'd given me something to say after all. Stifled when he shook his head and told me again not to call him that.

"Ain't got a complex little dove, Alfie yeah, that's my name an that'll do just fine alright?" And this time when I nodded he smiled and I thought he might let me go but he didn't.

He didn't say anything but something bristled between us and I could tell that he wanted me to remain still. To wait for him a moment, let him take his time. But as I was standing there in the darkened hall I felt the day catching up to me, the pull of sleep weighing me down. I tried to swallow down a yawn but it rose up all the same and when I tried to hide it behind my hand I caught him smiling softly, privately as if only to himself.

"One last thing before you go," he said, "this yeah, this is one of my conditions right?"

I frowned uncertain exactly what condition he thought he was laying out.

"Reading," he confirmed when he saw the crease on my brow and the downward turn of my lips, "don't care what you want to do with your afternoons yeah little one, but every evening me and you yeah will eat dinner together, and every night before you go on up those wooden hills, you will join me by the fire yeah, and you will listen whilst I read you a little story..."

"You want to spend your evenings reading me Dracula?" I raised a brow, not entirely sure I understood what he thought all this would achieve. A level of control over me I supposed. A way to make sure I wasn't wasting away? A way to keep me and Isaiah apart for as much time as he could? A way to get me on his own so that he could manipulate me into trusting the wrong man?

"Well, reckon we'll finish that in no time poppet, an then I'll let you choose... Your big brother seems pretty certain he'll have those nasty Italians out of the picture soon enough though don't he so perhaps it won't come to that..."

"Fine." I said, holding his gaze as nonchalantly as I could. Hoping he would see that I didn't care either way. Hoping he would know that whatever he was trying to pull I wasn't likely to bite and fall.

"Well then treacle, off you go eh, up to bed with ye..." He said finally dismissing me. Holding my gaze as I let our locked eyes linger for a moment longer just to show him I wasn't scared. Just to show him I wasn't so naive that I didn't know what he was doing. When I didn't move we lingered in the quiet for a moment too long, but it was hard to look away from him once we'd locked like that. His eyes so difficult to tear my own away from. And not because I feared them but because I couldn't find anything to fear in them.

He let out a quiet cough and looked first at the floor and then back over his shoulder at the living room door where through the open crack I could see Cyril dozing on the sofa.

"Go on now poppet," said Alfie his voice gruff and low as he sent me on my way.

I was tired climbing the stairs. The weight of the day, of the evening, the lethargy from my earlier nap, all of it clinging to me, trying to drag me down. I felt as though my legs might buckle at any moment and when I finally made it to my room at the end of the hall I barely noticed the changes.

No Isaiah in his arm chair waiting like a loyal puppy. The lights all out, the curtains left open so that moonlight washed over the room with a silky mist.

It would have been haunted and beautiful if I had been able to keep my eyes open. But I was already thinking of sleep, already half in a dark dream.

And so though I noticed the changes I didn't question them. Didn't think twice about tugging my top over my head and slipping out of the borrowed trackies I had been wearing all day. Didn't think twice about crawling into bed and tugging the covers over me without checking the shadowed corners of the room, without checking the lock on the door or whether there were any monsters beneath my bed...

Taglist

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If youre in this taglist and you don't think you're supposed to be just let me know, I lost my detailed taglists and everything just got confused sorry.

#trouble #peaky blinders fanfiction #tommy shelby modern au #shelby sister!#alfie solomons x oc #isaiah jesus x oc

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popsickless · 1 year ago

Text

Help Me Out Would You? | part 1

[ a non canon story about neuvillette and Wriothesely ]

- proof read

- +17 only

________________________________

"How did i not see this coming." Neuvillette questions, pacing around the dukes office. Wriothesely chuckles, with his feet resting on his desk. "You're only one man, you cant control everything." He simply replies. Which was true, very true. No matter how hard neuvillette tried, he couldnt control all coners of the law in fontaine.

About 10 hours ago neuvillette had failed to sentence a criminal as guilty, despite having the correct evidence. The verdict was infact incorrect. Obviously he was outraged by the outcome. "Theres so much more I couldve achieved. It will have to wait until the next trial." Neuvillette sighs out of frustration and takes a seat on the red leathered sofa, right side of the office. He exhales softly, leaning in to the back of the sofa, Wriotheselys eyes on him the whole time.

He was always the person neuvillette would go to when something like this happened. He felt like it was a comfortable place to have a dig, without anyone else seeing, except Wriothesely of course. "Do you know what you need?" Wriothesely sits up from his desk, all perked up. Which was different from a minute ago when neuvillette was ranting about his day.

His head turns to the side, leaning an elbow on the arm of the settee. Obviously he was curious. "A massage." Wriothesely answers, getting up and walking towards the settee. Neuvillette shakes his head immediately. The first to protest about the recommendation. "I simply could not ask you to do such a favour. There is no need." He wafted his hand. Without wanrning, Wriothesely stands behind the settee and places both hands on neuvillettes shoulders.

"Ahh dont sweat it. Its a good job you arent asking." Wriothesely casually states. His hands start gently kneeding neuvillettes shoulders. Adding a little more pressure every so often due to the layers of clothing. Neuvillette didnt like the idea of doing things for himself. It was always about other people and he was comfortable with that. So this was a different setting. His head tilts back a little as the relaxation starts to kick in.

Maybe Wriothesely was a little too good at this. Neuvillette was holding back any sounds of comfort as possible, he managed to obtain them for some time until Wriothesely started massaging his shoulder blades. A soft gasp leaves his lips as the muscles in his back tenses up. "There we go..." Wriothesely says in a calm tone. "I never get to see you like this, Consider this a reward for the both of us" He adds, continuing the circular patterns he was doing before.

Expecting an answer, Wriothesely stops for a moment and leans in. A word hadn't come out of neuvillettes mouth.

"You good?" He asks curiously. But neuvillette was leant back with a hand over his mouth and his eyes shut. A sparke lights up in Wriotheselys eyes. "Ohh.." said in a low chuckle. He continues the massage, this time intentionally going for the sides of neuvillettes body, which causes a louder gasp to come out.

"Ah. Stop.." Neuvillette jolts, and sits up from the settee. His face had gone a bright red, as he immediately adjusts his blue coloured blazer. Wriothesely knew exactly what was going on. He knew vulnerability wasnt neuvillettes strong suit but this was a whole different type of emotion he had never encountered with him before.

"Whats with you? You seemed to be dazed off a moment ago?" He questions, taking a step back from the settee. Neuvillette stays silent for a moment, glancing towards the side. "I do not expect you to go to such lengths for me. I have to get going, i am needed elsewhere for tomorrows preparations."

Wriothesely doesn't stop him, instead he watches him walk out of the office without another word. How could he be so stubborn towards himself. "I was so close to breaking through. Pain in my ass." He mumbles. He takes a seat behind his desk, resting an elbow on the arm and his chin in his hand. All Wriothesely could think about was the elegant noises that came from neuvillettes mouth.

"Fuck...if he'd just let himself take a break."

The next morning , neuvillette prepares for the several meetings he had planned for the day. Leant over the bathroom sink, he took a minute to examine himself in the mirror. There stood the reflection of the shirtless man. Softly, he runs his finger tips underneath his eyes to try diminish the light pink circles. Thinking about yesterday, he runs his hands over his shoulders, and retraces every movement that was made by Wriothesely.

It wasnt the same. The massage did help a lot. His body felt more tender than usual. A part of neuvillette felt guilty for leaving so early. He takes a short sigh and leaves his bathroom. "Time to get ready i suppose."

Suddenly a ring of the doorbell filled the silence. Neuvillette peeped outside of the view hole, of course it was Wriothesely. He opens the door and gives a soft smile. Wriothesely smirks as his eyes go from the top of neuvillettes chest to the bottom of his stomach. "Bad timing?" He sarcastically asks, inviting himself into the house.

Neuvillette stood to the side, closing the door behind them. "You could say so." He shrugs, walking into his closet, which was a whole room. It was way too fancy, anyone could tell that whoever lived here was mega rich. It was also part of the reason why Wriothesely visited so much. The vibe wasnt exactly awkward but it wasnt exactly normal.

They were both still thinking about last night. Waiting for the other person to bring it up first. "I have a que of meetings for the day. whatever your requests are, make them quick" Neuvillette insisted as he rummaged around the closet for the same outfit he wore everyday. "Well what time do you have to be there.?" Wriothesely asks, admiring the shirtless man. The way his ash white hair dangled to the midpoint of his back. Even when neuvillette moved his body the slightest, it was still so elegant and beautiful.

Neuvillette sighs out of irritation, his patience was running thinner by the second. It was clear that the work had finally caught up to him. His behaviour had been different for the past couple of months and Wriothesely wanted to do something about it. "Hey.." he grabbed neuvillettes arm and turned him around. His eyes widened as they analysed every aspect of Wriothesely face. "Theres no need for worrying, im alright." Neuvillette falsely informs. But Wriothesely didnt buy a word of what he was saying.

He dragged neuvillette to the bedroom and forcefully pushed him down onto the bed. "Sit." He insisted. But neuvillette resisted. With just his black trousers on, white socks and no shirt, he lightly pushed Wriothesely out of the way. "W-what are you doing. Please stop making a fuss." Neuvillette asked, but was quickly silenced by Wriothesely pushing him back on the bed. His eyes were dark, dominant. Like he couldnt hold himself back.

"I said sit." Neuvillette struggles as Wriothesely climbs on top to pin him to the bed. "Wriothesely...I cannot-"

"Ill cover your meeting, ill reschedule them. There's no way you're getting out of this house today." Wriothesely commands. He slowly starts to massage the sides of neuvillettes body like he did yesterday.

Fingers trailing down every inch of his body, he begins to lightly press his lips againts neuvillettes chest. Soft and shallow breaths start to leave his mouth as hes forced to take in the pleasure. "You're taking a day off, and im going to help you." Wriotheselys words were demanding but soft. The further things went the more Neuvillette started to lean into every touch and sensation. With one arm pinning neuvillettes body to the bed, the other starts tracing the dents and curves of neuvillettes lower stomach.

"P-please. Stop.." he whimpers, he was reluctant on not allowing himself to feel pleasure, however that wasnt going to stop Wriothesely. "Help me out will you, and shut up." Wriothesely slowly drags his thumb across neuvillettes bottom lip. Eyes glued onto eachother. It was like looking into the ocean. Deep blue eyes, but bright enough to see his own reflection.

Neuvillette was completely overtaken with lust. As much as he didnt want to feel this way he couldnt help it. He could feel himself start to grow more desperate. Wriothesely moved lower down his body, planting small, wet kisses along the way. He invited himself to undo neuvillettes zipper.

Taking in the sight of every motion, neuvillettes face starts to grow more flushed. "Oh god...." he whispers to himself.

As Wriothesely begins to see the act through, his thumbs caressed the dents of neuvillettes v line. Finally placing his fingers around the thing thats been twitching ever since Wriotheselys hands touched his skin.

With every motion, a small and supressed whimper left neuvillettes lips, his eyes closing as he starts softly thrusting into Wriotheselys hand.

The sight, the sounds wanted him to grow more violent.

The faster he went the more the wet sounds could be heard. "S-slow down....or." Neuvillette begins to whisper through harsh breaths. "About to what..hm?" Wriothesely mocks. Instead of listening to neuvillettes pleaded words. He begins sucking faster, digging his nails into the sides of neuvillettes thights.

That was it. There was no holding back. A sensation he hadnt felt in so long. Neuvillette gribs Wriotheselys hair and starts pushing his head deeper. His moans becoming louder with each thrust. His hips started moving in rhythm with Wriotheselys tongue. The sounds of pleasure was like music to his ears, egging him on to suck harder, running circles on his tip with his tongue. That was enough to send neuvillette over the edge.

Completely shaken up by peak of his orgasm. They both take a minute to catch their breaths.

Wriothesely glances up to neuvillette. Grinning as he shuffles up his body. "In my mouth...really?" He chukles, admiring the worn out facial expression on neuvillettes face. Neuvillette sits up and rubs his eyes. "I never really got the choice." He replies, giving a small smile. They both clean up, and neuvillette gets ready for the rest of the day.

Taking a stroll through the city of fontaine, Wriothesely drops neuvillette off at his office. They both stand outside the entrance, looking at eachother. "I would like to thank you for this morning, as much as it inconvenienced my schedule..." Neuvillette begins to say. Wriothesely gives him a humorous chuckle, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Thats what friends are here for." He jokes.

Just as neuvillette was about to walk in he turns around last second. "What about you though? Shouldn't I-"

"Dont you think i have many other people to do that for me on a regular basis." Wriothesely jokes. He nods his head politely and making his way into the building, leaving Wriothesely to go back to the fortress of meropide.

They both couldnt help thinking, was this the start of something new?

#neuvillette smut #wriothesley #wriothesely x reader #neuvillette x wriothesley #genshin smut #genshin impact #fanfic

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bellaxgiornata · 2 years ago

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Safe Haven [Chapter Six]

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x Fem!Reader Word Count: 4.2k [Series Masterlist]

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains violence, drug use, domestic abuse, smut, hurt/comfort, angst, mutual pining, friends to lovers

a/n: This one brings some fluff and intrigue! And Birdy being Birdy... I always appreciate feedback so feel free to chat with me! And hopefully I didn't mess anything up, I did a fast edit so I could post!

Tag list: @loveroftoomanyfandoms @farfromstrange @rotscinema @1988-fiend @shouldbestudying41 @shiorimakibawrites @norestfortheshelbywicked @mattmurdocksstarlight @acharliecoxedfan @roseallisonparker @yarrystyleeza @dramaholic18 @mattkinsella2 @ms-murdockswift @theetherealbloom @24hflower @mattmurdocksscars @schneeflocky

Bright light hitting the back of your eyelids caused you to stir, a faint groan falling out of you. Tightening your eyes closed further, you burrowed into the warmth beside you, nuzzling your face further into your pillow. You’d had a peaceful sleep for once, this time not waking up with a headache from the wine you usually drank to achieve a sleep so undisturbed, and you didn’t want to wake up. You were comfortable. But the warmth around your waist unexpectedly squeezed you in return and your eyes flew open instantly.

You were met with the sight of a blue and white striped sweater, your mind quickly falling back to the previous night. You had come over to check on Michael after you’d seen him break down in his room through your bedroom windows that faced each other. He’d told you how he’d been there when his nephew–no, his son , you reminded yourself–had been accidentally shot and killed. He’d also told you how no one else in his family had been there for him.

Which remained true last night, too. You had told Michael you’d be there for him as long as he needed you, and that had turned into the pair of you staying up for quite awhile talking last night. Generally about not much in particular–certainly nothing personal on either of your accounts–but the conversation always managed to loop back to Jamie. And Michael had broken down each time the topic of his son’s passing was brought back up. Through the hours you’d been sitting on his sofa with him, not once had someone called him or came to his door to check on him. Not a single time.

Your heart had broken at that knowledge, which was probably why you’d stayed so late here that you had apparently fallen asleep on Michael. Now your cheeks were heating up with embarrassment realizing you were about to experience another awkward moment with him. Biting your lip, you tried to glance up and see if he was awake, but all you could see from where you were positioned on his chest was his dark beard and his mouth. And for a moment your eyes lingered on his lips, becoming all too aware of the solid feel of Michael beneath you. Eyes closing, you breathed in the warm scent of him that seemed to envelope you. He smelled like something earthy and smoky, the scent reminding you of the many birch trees you’d seen around Ireland when you arrived, but also something warm, too, almost like cinnamon. The scent of him reminded you of a bonfire on an autumn day–comforting and peaceful.

His unmistakably large palm ran up the length of your spine as beneath you Michael apparently stirred awake himself. He inhaled a deep breath, your head rising up with the movement of his chest, as his hand slid up your back. You fought the urge to physically shudder under his palm–his touch had felt too good. And it was wrong in so many ways for you to have enjoyed that as much as you had. But then Michael’s hand abruptly stopped just between your shoulder blades as if he, too, realized the situation the pair of you were in.

Very slowly you pushed yourself back from Michael, realizing you had one arm wrapped around his waist and one hand gripping his shoulder. You removed them both quickly, your eyes awkwardly meeting his as you did. His own arms immediately slid their way off of your waist, returning to his lap as he sent you a sheepish smile.

“Well this is certainly…” you muttered, voice trailing off as you glanced away.

“Awkward?” he supplied.

You nodded, tucking some hair behind your ear as you did. “Yeah,” you agreed. “Just a–a bit. I uh, I’m sorry for–”

“Don’t apologize,” he said quickly, cutting you off.

Your eyes flew back up to meet his, taking in the gentle expression on his face. The smile on his mouth was still there, though it looked slightly less timid than it did seconds ago.

“I uh, I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep,” you mumbled.

“Neither did I,” he admitted.

Silence fell between the pair of you as you shifted a little bit away from him on the cushions. Your eyes fell down towards your feet, taking in the sight of your mismatched socks. Heat was still burning at your cheeks as you sat there incredibly aware of his presence beside you. Sucking in a sharp breath, you turned to Michael and spoke at the exact same moment he did.

“I should go.”

“D’ya want some coffee?”

The both of you sat there, trying to catch what the other had just said. Your lips parted, eyes going wide at his offer. Meanwhile Michael’s expression returned to sheepish as he ducked his head, running a hand over the back of his neck. He nodded solemnly.

“I understand,” he whispered.

“I mean I–” you began slowly, stopping to nervously bite your lip when he immediately looked up at you from under his lashes, his hand pausing on the back of his neck. “I could…go for a coffee,” you finished lamely.

“Yeah?” he asked, his hand falling down to his lap as he perked up. “It’s probably not anythin’ fancy to ya, I’ll admit.”

You smiled, shaking your head. “As long as it’s not decaf I’ll happily drink some caffeine right now,” you replied. “I just uh, should probably call Megan. If you don’t mind? She had that shift last night and is probably wondering what the hell happened to me now that I think about it…”

Michael waved a hand as he rose from the sofa. “No, go ahead. I’ll get a pot brewin’ in the kitchen. Which is just down the hall there,” he said, pointing down his hallway.

You nodded, sliding your phone out of your pocket as Michael turned and exited the sitting room, making his way towards the kitchen. Immediately you noticed you had a few calls and texts from your sister. The last one was from ten minutes ago. Heart sinking at having worried her, you quickly dialed her number and waited as the phone rang. But it only took two rings before she picked up.

“Fucking hell, are you okay?” Megan asked, voice full of concern.

“Yes, I’m so sorry, Meg,” you told her in a rush. “I would normally have sent a text or something but it was late and I guess I fell asleep without realizing it. I just woke up and figured I’d give you a quick call so you wouldn’t be worried. I’m so, so sorry.”

Megan blew out a rough breath on the other end of the line. You felt awful for making her worry like that, especially with the two shifts she’d had to work at the hospital and especially with your situation. She’d probably gotten shitty sleep last night and it was all your fault.

“I thought you were fucking gone,” she whispered. “Or–or dead .”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Meg,” you repeated. “I really am. It won’t happen again.”

“Where are you?” she asked. “If you’re not here, where the fuck did you fall asleep?”

You cleared your throat, your eyes darting towards the partially open door of the sitting room. Briefly you wondered if Michael could hear you. Would he be listening in?

“I’m uh, next door,” you said awkwardly.

There was a moment of silence before Megan let out an ear splitting shriek. It was so loud that it startled you and you had to pull the phone away from your ear until she was done.

“Christ, thanks for that,” you muttered.

“You fucked him didn’t you?” she squealed. “Oh my God, you took my advice!”

“Pretty sure that wasn’t your advice,” you said, lowering your voice. “But no, I did not do that.”

Megan scoffed over the line. “Yeah, okay. As if there’s any other reason you’d be there the whole night,” she said.

“He was grieving ,” you snapped, your voice a quiet hiss. “I saw him through that damned bedroom window and I couldn’t just–just ignore him. So I stopped by and we talked. Ended up falling asleep on his couch with him. Nothing of that nature happened.”

“So you’re coming back over now?” she asked slyly. “Because if you’re calling me instead of just coming back home, I’m guessing the answer is no.”

Eyelids dropping closed, you knew she’d caught you there. Your shoulders fell as you sighed.

“He’s making me coffee,” you admitted. “So I’ll be back after that.”

“Oh, you’re staying for morning coffee?” Megan teased. “He’s not trying to kick you out already? Damn, sis, he wants you bad .”

“Stop it,” you warned.

“Come off it,” she replied. “You know you want him. Stop trying to hide it from me. I’m not an idiot.”

“I’m hanging up now,” you said.

“Just undo that man’s zipper, get on your goddamn knees, and ta–”

You hit the ‘end call’ button in the middle of her comment, already knowing exactly where she was going with that. More than likely she’d be repeating all of that to you when you went back home after that coffee. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t about to go into Michael’s kitchen and try to not think about his cock.

“Fuck,” you breathed out.

The memory of his strong arms around your waist just moments ago resurfaced. It had felt so incredibly good to be wrapped around him when you’d woken up, your head resting on his firm chest. He’d smelled good, too. Better than you could have imagined. You knew you weren’t going to be able to forget about that now–any of it.

Shaking your head, you tried to push all of those thoughts aside for the time being. Now wasn’t the time to make sense of them. Michael was probably wondering what was taking you so long. Rising to your feet, you slid your phone into the pocket of your sweatpants and shuffled your way around his coffee table and towards the hallway. As you walked, you realized his kitchen was the same distance from the sitting room as Megan’s was from hers. You figured he'd probably heard at least some of that conversation and that thought had you blushing.

When you rounded the corner and turned into the kitchen, you spotted Michael already pouring coffee into mugs on the small island counter. His eyes darted up to you, a small smile on his lips as you stepped over towards the kitchen island. Gradually you came to stand at the opposite end of it, leaning your hands against the black countertop.

"How d'ya take your coffee?" he asked.

"I'll drink it black," you answered. "I don't need all the extra in it."

He picked up one of the white ceramic mugs and took two steps towards you, holding the cup out to you. You whispered a soft 'thanks' as you accepted the steaming mug from his hands before drawing it to your lips. Swallowing the hot liquid down, you eyed the coffee mug in your hands in surprise–it was better than you'd expected.

"What? Not good?" Michael asked curiously.

Your attention turned to him over the top of the mug and you immediately shook your head. "This is actually better than those coffee pods Megan has," you responded. "You apparently have good coffee."

You thought you saw pink tinge his cheeks as he turned towards his fridge, opening it and pulling creamer from a shelf. He poured some into his own mug as he shook his head.

"Can't actually take the credit," he admitted. "Birdy was the one who picked it out." His eyes rose up and fell on you as he put the cap back on the creamer. "Ya met her already, from what I've heard."

"Ahh, yes," you replied, bringing the mug back up for another drink as you carefully thought out your response. "She did pay me a welcoming visit the other day," you continued after your sip. "Seems like a sweet woman. Apparently she knows good coffee then."

That seemed a safe reply.

Michael chuckled, nodding as he turned and opened the fridge door again to put away the creamer. "She's certainly somethin'," he mumbled.

Both of your hands held onto the warm mug, oddly enjoying the coffee and the light conversation with Michael this morning despite the awkwardness of having woken up on top of him. Across the small kitchen island, he raised his own mug to his lips, his eyes on you. With the bright sunlight pouring through the large window just to your left, you could see the varying flecks of green and brown in his eyes. They still seemed to hold a lot of pain in them, but they also somehow looked lighter this morning than any other time you’d run into him yet. A little less mournful, somehow.

“Thank ya for stayin’,” he said softly, breaking the silence.

You shrugged, fingers nervously fidgeting against the mug in your hands. “Wasn’t a big deal,” you mumbled.

“It was to me,” he replied.

His eyes held yours and it felt like his gaze had somehow pulled you in yet again; you couldn’t seem to look away from him. His elbows were resting on the countertop as he slowly leaned in further towards you, and even though he was still a few feet away, the little gesture felt somehow intimate. Your pulse quickened when his mouth opened, as if he was about to say more but he was still trying to process how to put it into words. Movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention though, and somehow your focus finally shifted away from his and down towards it.

And then you screamed, jumping backwards and almost spilling your coffee when you registered what you’d seen. Michael instantly tensed, pushing off of the countertop and immediately making his way over towards you. He was anxiously looking out of his front window, his back to you as he came to a stop just in front of you.

“What?” he asked quickly, eyes still searching out of the window.

You shifted around him a bit, your finger pointing down at the kitchen island. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Michael’s brows furrowing as his gaze followed to where you were pointing. It took him a moment but when he saw what had startled you, you saw his shoulders visibly relax. He looked over his shoulder at you, a grin sliding across his lips. There was a glimmer of amusement lighting up his eyes and quickly replacing that hint of panic you’d picked up on.

“A spider?” he asked.

“Yes!” you said, taking another step back and cowering around your mug. “I fucking hate spiders!”

“It’s a little spider, Grace,” he said, amused. “It’s not goin’ to hurt ya.”

Peeking back around Michael, your eyes dropped down to where it was crawling towards you on the countertop. You cringed, taking another step back. Michael’s brows rose high onto his forehead as he turned fully towards you, his lips curling into an even wider grin as he took in your reaction.

“Okay, well either it goes or I go,” you told him. “So on that note–”

His amusement quickly vanished at your words before he abruptly cut you off.

“I’ll get rid of it,” he stated.

Gaze flying back up to him, you watched as he turned and searched around the counter beside the pair of you for a second. He grabbed an unopened envelope from a stack of mail sitting in the corner and turned back around. You had expected him to smash the insect with it, but instead you watched as he very gently placed the envelope down in front of the spider. Ever so carefully he coaxed it onto the piece of mail and then gingerly he lifted it from the countertop. You backed up almost entirely down the hallway towards the sitting room as he made his way out of the kitchen. He chuckled softly as he turned to the right, making his way to the front door. You watched in curiosity as he unlocked the door and stepped outside, crouching down and releasing the spider out there instead of simply just killing it on the counter.

He stood back up before turning to face you where you were still cowering in his hallway. He was grinning just outside the front door at you, the amusement back on his face.

“Does that work for ya?” he asked, tone almost teasing.

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” you said awkwardly.

You could feel the heat once again rising to your cheeks this morning. How embarrassing, getting worked up over a spider in front of some Irish mobster. Though it was oddly telling about his character with how gently he dealt with it. And how he’d seemingly moved in front of you when you’d initially screamed, as if he’d maybe been trying to protect you from a threat outside, something vastly more serious than a spider. And that had you curious in more ways than one.

“Michael, what’re ya doin’ out here, dear?”

At the unmistakable sound of Birdy’s voice, you instantly tensed. Your hands tightened around your mug, your heart rate once again rising. You knew she was aware of something being off about you, especially because she’d apparently been watching you lately. Finding you here at Michael’s first thing in the morning having coffee was only going to raise further suspicion and interest about you.

“Was just gettin’ rid of a spider,” he said, glancing at Birdy who you assumed was just outside the door. “Grace is afraid of ‘em.”

“Oh,” Birdy said, her tone noticeably shifting. “I didn’t know ya already had company, Mikey dear. So ya have the lovely Grace here this mornin’?”

Michael shot you an apologetic look before Birdy appeared just inside the doorway. She was wearing another dress and heels, her hair in perfect curls and her face made up. She shot you a wide smile that only sent chills down your spine–it wasn’t exactly a friendly smile.

“I wasn’ tryin’ to intrude, but do ya mind if I stop in?” Birdy asked, her eyes shifting back and forth between you and Michael behind her.

You cleared your throat, taking a few steps towards the kitchen. “I can just go–”

“Nonsense, love,” Birdy said, her eyes dropping to your mug. “Ya haven’t even finished your coffee yet!” She waved a hand dismissively as she stepped inside, Michael following behind. “I don’t want to ruin your mornin’. Just stoppin’ by to see how Michael was doin’.”

“I uh, I’m grand,” Michael said, closing his front door.

Birdy hummed out a noise in response as she stepped into the kitchen, her eyes curiously landing on you. That wide smile was still on her face, her focus not even remotely on Michael as he stepped around behind you, one of his hands lightly brushing along your lower back as he tried to maneuver around the small space back to his mug.

“So ya don’t like spiders, dear?” Birdy asked.

“I’m certainly not a fan of them, no,” you answered her, a strained, polite smile on your lips.

Michael chuckled lightly. “Shoulda heard the scream,” he teased.

Birdy shrugged indifferently, her eyes never leaving you. “They’re not for everyone. Some o’ them give me a fright, too.”

You brought your mug to your lips, trying to drink the coffee down faster without being too obvious. You wanted an excuse to leave now, your peaceful morning with Michael completely disturbed with her presence here. Her piercing stare was making you uncomfortable.

Birdy’s head tilted to the side as she continued to study you. “How d’ya feel ‘bout snakes then, Grace?” she asked curiously.

You froze, the mug just at your lips. For a moment it felt like you couldn’t breathe as her words hit you. Very slowly you lowered the cup from your mouth.

“What?” you asked.

“Snakes, love,” Birdy repeated. “Ya know, those slithery little serpents. Ya like those?”

On the opposite side of the kitchen island from her, Michael raised his mug to his lips. He seemed almost unphased by Birdy’s odd question, though his brows drew together at it while he drank down his coffee. You, on the other hand, were all too aware of her touching on something that was making you want to bolt out the front door just to your left. You were pretty sure she was onto something.

“No,” you responded, your voice sounding off even to your own ears as you spoke, “I–I’m not really a fan of those either.”

“Hmm,” Birdy hummed out, her blue eyes fixed on you. There was a long, awkward pause before she said, “Then I s’pose you won’t like the collection o’ snakes Michael’s brother has in his basement.”

Swallowing hard, you sent her a weak smile. “No,” you agreed, your voice still off, “I suppose I wouldn’t.”

Michael’s attention shifted towards you, his eyes narrowing a bit before they returned to Birdy. You could practically hear his mind beginning to work, picking up on the weird tension now palpable in his kitchen. You raised the mug to your mouth again, drinking down the hot coffee faster.

“You’re a writer, correct?” Birdy continued, that smile still on her lips. “I seem to recall your sister sayin’ that.”

“Yes,” you answered quickly.

“You’ve got some sort of series published, yes?” she pressed. “A whole load of books in it?”

“Mhmm,” you responded, your nerves increasing.

Birdy’s eyes narrowed, her attention dropping down to the countertop as one of her manicured nails tapped her chin. Michael was watching her curiously now, his coffee forgotten on the island.

“What was the series called again?” she mused aloud. Her eyes widened a second later before they darted over to you. “ The Road to Hell , yes?”

Fuck me.

Forcing another tight smile on your face, your cheeks aching at the gesture, you nodded once. “Yeah, that’s the one,” you said, voice tense.

“Ya know, I’ve heard of that series before. But I thought that was actually written by a…” her voice trailed off for a moment, that thoughtful look briefly returning to her face. A moment later she said it–your real name.

“It’s a pen name,” you explained simply.

“Odd ya pick your sister’s last name for a pen name,” Birdy replied slowly.

“Guess I was more creative with the actual story than the pen name,” you said, fighting to keep the edge out of your voice.

“Ahh, well,” she said, shrugging lightly. “Maybe I’ll have to pick up some copies, seein’ as the lovely author lives just down the street.”

Throughout the entire exchange between you and Birdy, you had noticed the way Michael remained silent, simply studying the pair of you. Just watching the back and forth with increasing interest.

You needed to get out of here. Make an excuse and leave.

“You know, it’s actually great you brought that up,” you said, feigning like you’d just remembered something. “I forgot I actually have a conference call with my editor and my publishing company this morning. I should probably head back home and get ready for that.”

With shaky hands, you reached out and set your almost empty mug onto the countertop. Michael pushed off of the island instantly, his face falling a bit as he made his way towards you.

“I can walk ya out,” he offered.

Behind him, Birdy popped her hip out and leant against the countertop. One of those cat-that-ate-the-canary smiles slipped onto her mouth as she eyed you.

“Was lovely chattin’ with ya, Grace,” she said.

You shot her a tense smile, not trusting your words right now. In a hurry you turned and left the kitchen, grateful the front door was so close by. You could feel Michael just at your back as you slipped your feet into your shoes in a rush. Before you could reach a hand out to open the front door though, Michael was already maneuvering around you in the tight hallway and opening it for you. Your eyes met his yet again, some of your nerves momentarily dissipating when he smiled at you.

“I’ll uh, see ya later then?” he asked hopefully.

“I mean I–I do live next door,” you replied, aware Birdy was most likely eavesdropping from the kitchen. “So most likely.”

He nodded and you quickly turned, stepping outside and briskly walking down his drive and away from his house. You could practically feel Birdy’s inquisitive eyes on you from the kitchen window as you went. Rounding the tall stone fence in a hurry, you made your way straight to Megan’s front door.

So Birdy had apparently been doing some research on you. And if that was the case, well then, you figured two could play that game.

“I’m sure I’m not the only one with secrets,” you muttered to yourself, unlocking Megan’s front door. “Guess it’s time to see what the Kinsellas’ are hiding.”

#michael kinsella x you #michael kinsella x reader #michael kinsella x female reader #michael kinsella #kin amc #kin fanficiton

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the-sun-and-the-sea · 5 months ago

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Annie Cresta Week Day 6: Paint the Town Red

Annie sighs heavily and adjusts her braid on her shoulder.

Summer is creeping slowly into autumn, but District Four has a way of stretching the heat out. Today is one of those days. Free strands of hair have begun to escape her braid, curling in the humid air, but she can’t bother to exert the effort required to redo it. Sweat beads at her hairline, but going inside to any one of the Village’s cool air-conditioned houses would be admitting defeat.

This challenge is inane, but that’s what makes it fun.

“Nice weather,” Annie comments casually. Finnick’s lips twitch like he wants to disagree.

“Yeah,” he says. Somehow he looks fine, even in the heat. Does anything faze him? “I could sit out here all day.”

Is it dumb to spend a day trying to see who could endure the heat for longer? Maybe it is. But to Annie this is a victory. Her arena almost one year ago was brutally warm, but unlike District Four’s heat, it was dry. That’s what makes this bearable now. It’s funny how the smallest things can make the biggest difference. Still, there’s no way she’d be able to do this on one of her bad days, and this past year has taught her to appreciate every achievement.

Mags graciously let them use her porch swing for their challenge, which at least provides some breeze. Even so, the heat is oppressive.

“I want to celebrate my birthday,” she says.

Finnick’s eyes brighten. “Next week, right?”

“You remember? We didn’t even do anything last year.”

Last year, when Annie turned nineteen, she was only a few months out of the arena. Her birthday had been completely swallowed by dealing with…everything. This year, she’s in a better place, and all she wants to do is make up for lost time.

“Of course I remember,” he says, grinning. “I remember everything.”

“And you’re humble, too,” Annie says, nudging his shoulder a bit.

“I also remember that you like taking the boat out,” Finnick continues. “We do that all the time for birthdays here.”

“I don’t have a boat. And yours is too small.”

“Too small?” he asks, affronted. “Too small for what?”

Annie can practically feel his anticipation buzzing in the air. Maybe he can be fazed after all. “For the party.”

“Annie Cresta,” says Finnick, with all the reverence one might offer the ocean. “Are you suggesting we have a boat party?”

Maybe the heat is starting to melt her brain. It’s true that she doesn’t initiate these things often, but so what? She’s feeling fine for once, and she wants to take advantage of it. “What, you can’t handle it?”

Finnick’s standing up now, running a hand through his hair. “I can definitely handle it. You’re the birthday girl, so just sit back and relax, okay?”

With that, he takes off into Mags’ house.

The blast of cool air is heavenly on Annie’s skin. She can practically feel a sunburn starting to blister. None of that matters, though, since technically he entered the house first. “Finnick!” she calls after him. “You know this means I won, right?”

------

She honestly doesn’t know how he does it, but Finnick manages to secure them Kai’s boat.

Kai is one of Four’s nine victors, and perhaps the most elusive one of them all. Annie can’t say she’s ever had a conversation with him, but obviously Finnick has. “I just name-dropped Mags and he was fine with it,” he explains as she takes in the view of the huge boat.

Aside from Kai, all the other victors have made an appearance. This part isn’t a surprise to Annie. Finnick had made sure to get her approval on the guest list before setting the party up.

They take the boat out far enough to go swimming, dropping the anchor and just floating on the vast expanse of sea. It’s Annie’s favorite time of day, just before sunset. Everything is awash in golden light, and Finnick’s hair looks like it’s woven with strands of gold.

Her own hair is loose and flowing, and thankfully today isn’t as hot as last week. Her dress is light blue and made of breathable linen, swirling around at her knees.

“Happy birthday, Annie,” says Dylan, a fellow victor. He’s holding a glass of champagne and looks more relaxed than she’s ever seen him.

“Thank you,” she says, grinning. A glass of champagne is pushed into her hand, sparkling under the sun. It tingles down her throat and she laughs.

The party feels eternal, like she’s taken time and stretched it out like taffy. It’s a wonderful feeling to see the evening lying out before her, full of laughter and music and swimming. She dances with Coral and chats with Nerissa and swims with Callie and it’s all going wonderfully. She could be a normal twenty-year-old girl.

Until she’s not.

The most frustrating part of all is that Annie’s not sure why it happened. She didn’t see anything triggering. Nobody said anything wrong. But one moment she’s dancing with Finnick, and the next, she’s slipping away to the bathroom with an indescribable weight on her chest.

Annie is familiar with panic attacks. Believe it or not, she even got them occasionally before the arena, although they increased exponentially after the Games. The party is still flourishing outside, but all she can do is slump to the floor, pull her knees to her chest, and try to draw deep breaths.

Minutes or hours later, a gentle knock sounds at the door. “Annie?”

She grimaces. It’s Finnick. After all the work he went through putting this together, the last thing she wants to do is ruin it. “I’m fine.”

A pause. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

The door creaks open, and Finnick’s face is perfectly sympathetic without being pitying. Usually Annie appreciates how considerate he is, but today isn’t a usual day. “I’m so sick of this,” she says scathingly.

“I know,” he replies. “But you’ve got to give yourself grace with these things.”

“I don’t need a therapy session right now,” Annie bites back, and he doesn’t even flinch. She realizes with a jolt what she’s feeling. Anger. But for once, she’s not angry at herself for taking a nice occasion and ruining it with her inability to cope. “I was feeling fine. I was feeling good for the first time in forever and I just wanted to have a good night. I can’t even celebrate my own fucking birthday!”

Her chest is heaving, but it’s not from panic. Her entire body flushes with fury.

“Fuck,” Annie says when she realizes that everyone is watching her. Seven pairs of eyes are waiting to see what she’ll do. “They really just take everything and ruin it!”

At first she thinks her outburst is a total buzzkill, but then Calder shouts, “Fuck them!”

Then it’s like an explosion. Everybody’s shouting, screaming into the abyss. It’s so easy to not care when they’re so far away. Annie doesn’t see who, but somebody’s started to smash the fancy Capitol plates that nobody ever uses. She joins in until her throat is raw and her body doesn’t feel like a live wire anymore.

The sound of the victors screaming in unison is impossible to describe, but Annie won’t ever forget it.

At the end of the night, the victors depart the boat like nothing ever happened, happily wishing Annie a happy birthday as they go.

When it’s just her and Finnick, she says, “I really didn’t think they’d be so happy about that.”

“Well, they’re not happy that you’re struggling,” Finnick clarifies. “But you, like, leveled up tonight.”

“What?”

“You took the blame off yourself and put it on the people who deserve it,” he explains. “That’s a big step, and it’s not easy to do. They’re proud of you. And I think we all needed to release some anger.”

Annie laughs softly. “What about you? When did you level up?”

Finnick’s eyes flicker to the ground, though his smile doesn’t drop. “I’ll let you know when it happens.”

The sky is completely dark now, save for the sparkling stars. Annie doesn’t have it in her to offer any advice, and it’s clear that Finnick doesn’t want it right now. “Goodnight,” she says instead. “And thank you.”

He smiles softly. “Any time."

#i really hope yall like this one #annie cresta week 2024 #annie cresta week #annie cresta #finnick odair #odesta #thg #the hunger games

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