#but i left the end card on the version i posted on YouTube

[bardengarde]

Robert Gould Shaw/Cabot Forbes || First Class - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Special Chapter: Comments and Analysis

WELCOME BACK, CCS FAAAAAAAAAAAANSSS!!!!!

Oh my god 3 months went already by from that December 1st and chapter 80, didn't they?? Feels like yesterday 🙈But we're finally here, finally ready for the release of the definitive, last SPECIAL CHAPTER of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card!!!! After this, no more CCS for at least a while!!

Why do you see me so euphoric?? WELL, THERE IS MORE THAN ONE VERY GOOD REASON 😂 But let's not jump the gun and let's introduce this post properly: this time around, I won't be posting pictures to "illustrate" the analysis/commentary, because this special chapter was treated differently from the other ones. It didn't get, in fact, a free release on CLAMP's Youtube channel, in any language, and wasn't even uploaded for digital purchase on Comic Days like all the rest of the chapters. The only way to obtain it was via the April issue of Nakayoshi, either with the physical or digital version. Since it is clear to me their intention to keep this gem of a special chapter away from the internet jungle, and since lately I used only the screenshots from Youtube to illustrate my analysis, this time around I won't be posting anything (aside from the color page, which was released by the official account themselves).

AND! I won't be mixing analysis and summary, because I have already conveniently prepared some screenshots with a detailed summary of the chapter for the people who were curious to know, but didn't get to see the chapter yet or did see it but couldn't read Japanese. I have already posted these screenshots on my Twitter account, and I'll put them here too under the cut (please don't repost them around or in other social media), so you can immediately get a broad view on the content of the chapter (I don't have to point out translation mistakes, haha 😅), and then, afterwards, I'll write my commentary. And there is SO MUCH to say!!

But before starting, we can't break the tradition right at the LAST ROUND of our chapter commentaries, right?? So off we go, with the GIF OF THE MONTH!!

Yes, I think this is the GIF that can represent this chapter the most. 😂

The Color Page

This special chapter is composed of 33 pages, and of course I can't avoid starting my commentary precisely from the color page!!

I admit it, I hoped for a color spread with the four main characters of Clear Card (hence, including Kaito and Akiho too), but since the other two appeared with their own color page just in chapter 79, we'll gladly take this single color page with SyaoSaku too!! ❤️ The JP text reads "We've been together till now, and we will always be! Featuring a long-awaited special chapter!!" Syaosaku look absolutely adorable....and so, so happy!! Looking at us, from a wreath made of cherry blossoms, of course dressed in their image colors pink and green, in a "pair look"...I think their shiny smiles conquered the hearts of the entire fandom (saw many comments about it) and it is certainly a perfect introduction to a chapter that is, indeed, completely made of this happy, leisurely, warm atmosphere. I feel like it tastes even better, after all the anxiety they made us go through, right? I'm pretty sure that was CLAMP's goal all along, giving us this little reward after all the hard situations they've put their characters through. This color page looks like Sakura and Syaoran are saying "goodbye" to us, holding their hands in a lover's hold, but seeing them so cute and happy definitely soothes the sad feeling 🥲 Until we meet again...hopefully!

Letters From Around The World

But it's when the chapter starts that we get our first surprise: the time skip is of one entire year!!! We left our little heroes at the end of the first year of Tomoeda Middle school, ready to go in spring break and then start the second year...here, Sakura says she's in her spring break of the next year, ready to become a 9th grader!!! I almost couldn't believe they actually went that far, I knew from CLAMP's podcast that there was a timeskip, but I expected just some months! Although....I have to say the characters don't look that different, Mokona said she made them a tiny bit older and she kept true to that, because it's barely visible! 🤭 But if you compare them with how they looked at the middle of the story, of course the difference is visible.

I was so happy to see that the chapter started right away with a letter from Akiho: a letter or a videocall was definitely among the type of content I wanted to see in this chapter, because of course I still was quite preoccupied about the difficult journey Akiho and Kaito embarked on, so I wanted to see how they were faring. The amount of letters Sakura accumulated over the span of this year tells me that they moved around quite a lot, and she had always something to share with her "long-distance sister" 🤭 Kero praising Akiho's skills and even feeling some sort of "reverence" for her insane talent to find all the crazy and rare books was so funny and nice!! 😂Sakura is adorable, feeling all proud about the talent of her "sister" 🤭 Loved that they actually mentioned the place where Akiho and Kaito are currently at!! (cause they didn't reveal where they'd go first, in chapter 80, and I guess we'll never know). I appreciated SO SO much that they let us see that Akiho didn't drop, but actually continued to practice her sewing skills like she was doing before everything went down the drain with the Alice in Clockland play: moreover, finding out later that this skill is also helping her greatly with the true ambition of her life made me incredibly satisfied. How cute of her to send outfits for Kero and Suppy, even from far away??

I was quite surprised to find out that Akiho sends all the rare books to Eriol, and then laughed my as* off at Kero saying he's selling them off (the way Kero phrases it in JP makes it look a QUITE shady activity 😂). This shows there's a continued collaboration between the "group" in England and YunaAki, and it's very nice. They're not only "taking" support from Eriol, Akiho also does return the favor, providing Eriol with the books he needs.

And then....got really emotional to know that Kaito wrote a letter to Sakura, back when they left one year ago 🥲 I DID feel like some kind of acknowledgement or apology from Kaito to Sakura was missing from chapter 80 (but honestly, with everything they had to explain, where they could fit that?) and so this little mention completely fixed that sense of "he made a mess and barely managed to apologize to Akiho before leaving". Kaito isn't an ass*ole so of course he would've done something like that, and a letter seems perfect for an introvert boy of few words like him. I imagine the letter wasn't really long either. The little moon on the sealing wax...❤️The fact that Sakura is storing that single letter together with Akiho's letters in a specific box makes me almost cry. She cares for those two so, so much! 😭 Sakura wishes to receive more letters from Kaito and I really hope he will open up to her along the way, because he could benefit ENORMOUSLY from her advices and perspective! Also THANK YOU CLAMP for giving us a little "still" of those two next to eachother from the moment when they were leaving Tomoeda, with the suitcases and all 🥲that last faraway shot of all four of them together in chapter 80 was so great, but I wanted to see them like this too!

The SyaoSaku Date

Aaaaaand then we get to the long awaited, craved, coveted SYAOSAKU DATE!!! 🤣 I can't count how many people I've seen wishing for this....to be honest I was going to be ok with any kind of sweet moment between the two, but gotta admit that a carefree afternoon watching a stage play and then taking refreshment at a café gives this sense of normal, complete fun that was missing a bit for them. They are dressed in a very fancy way (loved that Sakura isn't wearing her usual long one-pieces but something different, with puff shorts! A sign of her growing up?) and even though they're not exactly wearing a "pair look" (too corny, maybe?), they are well matching eachother's outfits. And of course we find out that Tomoyo made Sakura's cute outfit and even the decorations on Syaoran's collar! The fact she was the one asking Syaoran to wear them at the date is kinda funny, like some sort of guidance into looking like a couple, thanks to the matching decorations! Tomoyo really takes care of everything....yes....everything. 🥲 The mention of Sakura's wedding dress of course made me go "OH MY GOD" and made me realize that if Tomoyo is already mentioning that.......we aren't *that* far away from that day (I always imagined SyaoSaku marrying early, since they're soulmates and got together so young!! 😆). Truly an emotional, sweet moment that was reinforced by Tomoyo's tender expression in the flashback. Her resolution to devote herself to learn to design even normal everyday outfits, or date outfits, everything that could accompany her dear Sakura everyday, reminded me that Tomoyo found her very own way to be with Sakura, and she's perfectly content with that. Tomoyo's happiness is seeing Sakura happy, and she will do anything to achieve that. ✨

Syaoran and Kaito's Friendship

And then my blushy blushy Sakura changes topic and suddenly throws me on the floor in a fit of laughter, because seeing Syaoran's confused look while he was trying to make sense of the pictures Kaito sent him on his phone WAS HONESTLY PRICELESS. 😆 My god, how long have I wished to see them like this? Moving their timid steps into a friendship (since their girlfriends are like sisters and Sakura literally saved Kaito's derriere), being their awkward dorky selves...they surprisingly get along so well and Syaoran doesn't seem to hold resentment towards him, which is GREAT for me!! He's learning from Sakura to just let go of hard feelings, when you've found out the person who acted in an oppositive way was just in a very desperate situation and had actually no ill intentions. And that makes me incredibly happy. Kaito needs all the support he can get, to make the right decisions in his life, and I can totally see him finding a particular connection with Syaoran, due to how they're both moon boys, who would give their life for the person they love. I think precisely for this, precisely because Syaoran can understand to a degree Kaito's situation and behavior, he wouldn't feel judged and would feel more free to establish a connection with him. I was k*lled with laughter and endearment when I saw that Syaoran felt confused, but still tried to understand Kaito's peculiar way of communicating with him 😂 And guess what? I think he doesn't realize it, but he's totally starting to get it! 😂The way our wolfie boy snaps that picture IMMEDIATELY as the cat passes by, and how he only framed the ear, really shows how in the end he's speaking "the same language" as Kaito 😂 Seeing Sakura so excitedly think to herself that the two became such good friends made me scream "SAME SAKURA-CHAN, SAME!!!" 😂 All in all, seeing these two having such a relaxed, comfortable date talking about their friends and stuff that happened lately made me completely feel that one year that elapsed, and now they act totally like a couple that's been dating for quite some time. 😊 Ooooh thank you sensei, really. Thank you so much for this scene. 🙏

The Moon Is Really Beautiful, Right?

BUT! The real reason why CLAMP will always have my heart and my gratitude is hidden in the next scene. 😂

Oh my god, the screams I've belted out when I saw them. And when I've read THAT. But let's go in order, let's go in order and not jump the gun! We're in Germany, Akiho and Kaito now seem to be living in an apartment in a nice building! They're still talking in keigo, and still calling eachother "Akiho-san" and "Kaito-san". 😊

Kaito SMILES genuinely at the picture Syaoran sent him!! And answers, to an observant Akiho, that he's having fun!! 😭HIM! The one who couldn't understand what was fun in interacting with others!!! He looks honestly so radiant and happy, a sign that his mental recovery is going strong. And that he's slowly expanding his "trusted people" network. 🥲🙏Also, he looks younger than ever!!! 😂

It made me INCREDIBLY HAPPY to see that Akiho didn't drop the "hobby" she had started in chapter 26 (ages ago!!), remember this scene?

I remember how much I loved to know she had started learning how to do this, because together with my friends, at the time, we all thought this could easily become her aspiration in life......and guess what?? CLAMP confirmed she wants to take on a job revolving around books and book repairing!! This is all canon!! T___T oh my happy tears.... There's a sense of pride in seeing that this journey for Akiho isn't only revolving around finding the cure for Kaito's shortened lifespan (which hurt his body terribly) and restarting his "stopped time", or finding Momo and the Alice in Clockland book, but she's also got the mental resolution to do something for herself, for what she wants to do in life, something that is completely disconnected from Kaito. Again, I cannot reiterate enough how this girl doesn't have an unhealthy codependent relationship with Kaito, and she's completely capable of thinking about her own future, aspirations and wishes. She wants him with her, and she could never live happily without him, but the love of her life isn't the only thing that exists for her. It is incredibly satisfying to see her working hard for her own future, where she'll be able to contribute (especially financially) to their livelihood. I can see Kaito helping her and assisting her with that. The other day I was dreaming away with my friends about Kaito and Akiho managing a "book cafè" together somewhere, how impossibly sweet that would be?

Seeing this volitive, ambitious, strong-willed Akiho once again filled my heart immensely. And I wasn't the only one, apparently.....

Oh god, you have no idea of the SHRIEKS I belted out when I saw Kaito saying "the moon is really beautiful, right?" in full daylight. Like. It is absolutely unmistakable at this point what kind of love he feels for her, and while I always knew, I'm sure the character took his own sweet time and personal introspection to reach that conclusion. If you remember, I've always said it and reiterated it at the end of chapter 80: Kaito won't understand things overnight, it will take a long time. And one year, at that age, is enough of a long time to come to terms with one's feelings and understanding what exactly they mean. They lived all that time together as two "equals", no more butler/boss bullsh*t, so they had even more opportunities to see eachother's true colors. And Kaito couldn't help but fall even more in love with Akiho, to the point that seeing her working so excitedly for her future made him gently overflow with that feeling....and said that sweet quote of Natsume Soseki that we all know, by now, what it means. I think the mere fact that what made his heart explode was seeing her so independent and strong, is a good sign that Kaito's love for her is the healthy and supportive kind, too. He doesn't love her and feels attracted to her soul because she's a weaker, younger, malleable being that he can dominate (as a toxic relationship would portray), but at the contrary, because she's free and strong and wonderful on her own. The more he sees her shining, the more that feeling grows. Throughout this scene, he looks at her and talks to her in such an intensely sweet way, you can totally see he's smitten with her.

The most popular reply to someone who confesses with "the moon is beautiful" is the equivalent of "I could die for you/I can die happy now", in Japanese. And Kaito had been unconsciously replying that way, with his actions, the whole damn time during the serialization of Clear Card. But since he took it way too literally, things were really heading to tragedy. Nobody wanted him to die for real, and yet, subconsciously, that was the only way he had found to give outlet to an enormous amount of feels that he couldn't express (because it wasn't appropriate, and nobody would ever love him, and he only caused her pain, and he had to let go of Akiho anyway at the end of it).

So considering all of THAT, this "I love you very much" he said now (he added とても, "very", like Akiho did ❤️) in this way, makes me think even more "yes, you finally understood what was the best way to convey it!" and therefore, it represents another character development for our moon boy. 🥲

There's debate over whether he had already understood what Akiho had meant, in chapter 48. I stand firmly by my convinction that, even if he was informed of the Japanese folklore tale around it, he quickly dismissed it as "no, she's meaning it literally for the moon", since he couldn't really believe that anyone would ever take interest in him, and was sure he would've always been alone. Otherwise, if he really understood and believed that Akiho was in love with him, I don't think he could've ever said that "I thought you didn't need me to be happy". It doesn't make sense. But everything that happened at the fake moon, and all her angry tears, and all her resolution to find a way to cure him, made him finally see that she really meant it in that way. ❤️So his own acceptance and introspection could finally start, and....it brought to this. ❤️ If you want to know more about the popular phrase "the moon is beautiful, right?", I invite you to check my first Clear Card Trivia post, focused on the literary and musical references portrayed throughout this story!

And LOL, I couldn't help but noticing several things in how this scene played out: first, he immediately "runs away" blabbering about the breakfast being ready, a very similar way to how he "ran away" in chapter 52 when Akiho could see right through him and was trying to express her support and feelings to him. This is definitely an indication (taking into consideration also how he acted when he was little) that the reason why Kaito walked away back then, slamming the door, had a sprinkle of embarrassment embedded in it, too. Yeah. I mean, look at the face he's making here, just before he notices, puzzled, that his hand is shaking:

He's smiling so tenderly, among the pain he's feeling because of his poor health. He even laughs! He's happy he heard that! But he just couldn't stay hearing any longer, back then. Now, in this scene of the special chapter, he literally throws "the bomb" and runs away without hearing her answer or reaction 😂😂😂this is definitely embarrassment, and I'd like to think there's even a hint of teasing streak that I've always seen between the lines in his personality. It came out particularly with Syaoran and Momo, but Akiho isn't excluded from this dynamic! 😂

And excuse me, but Akiho's reaction literally made me roll on the floor laughing!! 😂The poor girl is probably so used to live abroad, and Japanese folklore isn't probably coming up immediately in her mind anymore, despite it's a phrase SHE used HERSELF back then! 😂Or maybe it's because she didn't really expect it from him, and so she took a moment to connect the dots. Either way, it was extremely funny! And I can't absolutely avoid pointing out how our girl isn't blushing like mad anymore, but just slightly.... I mean. It must have been quite clear to her too, by now, that her feelings were in some kind "reciprocated", be it for what Sakura said back at the fake moon, his decision to go back to her, and his decision to reveal his true name, hence giving her his most vulnerable part of himself... This isn't a shock for her, and she probably waited patiently, patiently, for him to finally say something like this. So maybe, more than embarrassed, she's surprised that the day finally came! 🥲 Goodness. This really puts all my worries to rest, Akiho will truly be happy. And it makes total sense that CLAMP made him say this now, and not at the end of chapter 80. As I said, more time was needed. This entire scene leaves me with a sweet, soft, comfortable feeling, and it's totally how I've always imagined their relationship to be. Also....no more of that "he loves her as a daughter/sister" crap, not canon-wise at least. 😊

One last thing I have to point out about this scene, which curiously reconnects everything together, is that recently CLAMP have announced the themes to which their upcoming exhibition will revolve around: among them, there's LOVE (of course!), and among the decorations surrounding the featured character on the key visual (Sakura, for now, but there's at least another one coming!) there are a couple of birds too. Birds are, in this sense, a symbol of love in CLAMP's language. I couldn't really help but noticing all the birds flying outside the window next to Akiho, the moment Kaito says that "the moon is really beautiful, right?". Basically, CLAMP were trying to scream it all over the place, however they could. 😂

"Momo-san?!"

It was so nice to see Yukito and Kero-chan gossiping about Touya right in his face, with the complete intention to tease him 😂in that sense, Yukito really seems like a sweet and harmless character, but don't be fooled! His teasing power is over 9000!! 😂Touya's killing glare made me crack up! He's so done for, now that both Kero and Yukito can tease him in the open! 😂😂😂

But please, please, let me scream about MOMO!!! Oh my god I would've never accepted a special chapter that didn't feature her!! Aaaaahhh I'm so glad to see that she's fine 🥲 The conversation between her and Sakura made clear to me that she isn't that free to move how I imagined her to be. Certainly, she decides where to go and who the book stays with (and when to leave), but the impartiality imposed on her role doesn't allow her to act freely like she wants, unless she pays a price. And she decided to pay a price, not to see Akiho and Kaito, but to go and thank Sakura herself first. Because, as her "those kids" suggests, she of course still feels some kind of maternal instinct towards them, and as any mother would do, she wants to thank Sakura from the bottom of her heart for having helped and saved those two. Even her body language (the position of her hands) portrays that. And excuse me, but I A B S O L U T E L Y loved how CLAMP clarified once and for all, addressing directly the complaints of their own fandom, that Sakura wasn't forcingly dragged into a matter that wasn't related to her. Everything she did, she decided to do it because she felt it touched her personally. From the moment she became Akiho's friend and came to care for her, everything that happened and everything that she was involved with was related to her too. This wasn't "somebody else's business" anymore. Because Akiho is one of her most beloved friends, no matter how "fast" that happened. Some relationships bloom almost immediately, because the connection is just that strong. And so, this turned into just another expression of "your happiness is my happiness", with Sakura acting according to what her heart suggested. As Kaito is Akiho's most beloved person, Sakura couldn't help but care for him too, because doing so would've made her friend happy, in a wonderful "circulation of love".

Special mention for the scene with pregnant Lilie, oh my god I didn't really expect this either. How long ago I wrote that Tumblr post about cosmos flowers and the origin of Akiho's name? A couple of weeks ago? It's like CLAMP answered my curiosity, with this scene. I still keep my interpretation in my heart, but I also love the logic "it is a flower that keeps the same name in many countries". Of course. "Wherever you'll go, you'll always be your unique self". (And now I want to cry, mama's heart is so big😭) The way Lilie keeps her hands over her womb made me tear up. The ring isn't there anymore, a sign that she probably already gave it to Momo (understandably, since once Akiho would be born, she wouldn't really have much time left). The baby bump isn't that noticeable, probably because she's at the beginning of her pregnancy. Who knows if she kept seeing little Kaito while she was pregnant. 🥲Who knows if in the scene where she's telling him about how wonderful it is to have something you love, especially a person, she was already pregnant with Akiho. 🥲

Momo and Sakura's final words made me understand that Momo cannot go back to Akiho and Kaito till the circumstances and the moment is right. Whether it depends on Akiho's wish, or the right cosmic arrangement, it's surely not in the short term. Especially considering the limited scope of Momo's agency. It cannot come from Momo (unless she pays a huge price), it needs to come from them, strongly enough. I also want to think that, again as an acquired mother figure, Momo wants those two to find their own way, identity and figure out their relationship on their own, without her interference. I'm sure she's keeping an eye on them from faraway, though. 🥲Even though this still feels bittersweet because I wanted to see them reuniting in canon so badly, it gave me lots of hope for the future. Momo is just waiting for the right moment, and she'll be ready to embrace them when the time is right. Maybe, who knows, we'll see that reunion in another series or in a special publication in the future?

The End

And then....the final scene 🥲NOW it is finally clear what Ohkawa meant in that one Twitter Space, when she mentioned that there was a reason why they never featured Sakura's birthday!!! THEY NEEDED TO KEEP THE EXCLUSIVITY FOR THIS!! 😂 I'm so glad they did, really...it's so sweet to see her reaching 14 years old (the "standard age" of many shoujo heroines! 😂) and seeing Syaoran giving her a present, with that strikingly sweet smile full of love...but most importantly....the breathtaking final double spread 🥲🥲🥲🥲 The way she pulls his hand close to her chest, to her heart, while saying that Syaoran will be forever and ever her most important and special person.....really, this chapter is meant to k*ll us all with feels!🥲and I love how CLAMP keep finding ways to portray their physical displays of affection without resorting to the classic, most wanted (but also probably considered not appropriate yet) "kiss". The very final page is a direct parallel of a page from chapter one, where Sakura was going to school alone and looked back down the street to admire the cherry blossoms in full bloom.

Now, she's not alone anymore, but actually hugging the love of her life on her special day! Really, what a wonderful and fulfilling way to give the final touch to this amazing story! 🥲 Her very last line also contributed to this. Sakura leaves us again, 24 years after the first ending, with words of positivity for the future, and love for her important people. This wraps everything up nicely, but it still keeps things quite "open-ended", hopefully in the eventuality to return to this wonderful series in the future. Sakura is growing up, as CLAMP wished, and it might be possible to see her dealing with more "grown-up" situations, magic and non-magic wise. But one thing is for sure, her relationship with her loved ones will always take top priority. ❤️

Well well well, we came to the end of this looooooong commentary for this special chapter too. I can't help but thank once again all of you who followed my posts all these years, and commented with your POVs on the story.

As I've said multiple times, Cardcaptor Sakura gave me so much ever since I was a kid, and this sequel was no exception. This special chapter, in particular, overflowed with things I wanted to see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking so. I once again want to congratulate CLAMP for wrapping everything up nicely, and thank them from the bottom of my heart for these almost 8 years of emotional journey. 🙏

See you around with my other tumblr posts, and let's look forward to the release of volume 16 on April 1st, and hopefully, news about the anime sequel of Clear Card!!

[tartrat]

Concept based on my previous post where i suggested Queen's Killer Queen as a Night Swan and Cygnus duet. i didn't want to make something super detailed so its mainly a sketch with basic colouring, and darkest hour's background

I said in that post that i saw it as taking place sometime around Darkest Hour, so Night Swan has her Leda appearance from there. I didn't know how to make cygnus look younger so i just removed his hat

The poses above would be struck when Freddie Mercury sings "killer" (imagine that Leda's hands are actually in a claw shape here) i probably should've had cygnus point at leda for this instead of into the air, followed by them moving to the opposite side whilst spinning their hands round their faces to "Queen". Lastly at "Gunpowder, Gelatine, Dynamite with a Laser Beam" They'd start doing a marching on the spot motion whilst pointing to the top right and bottom left like in Woof's chorus but more like in the style of a marching band, if you understand what i mean its kinda awkward to explain that motion (theres another map that uses that move in a way thats closer to my description but i can't remember what one it is. I tried to do pictograms in the corner to illustrate what i mean.

During the verses they'd probably have different moves, but i don't know what they would look like. I guess it would sorta be Cygnus acting out certain words and Leda doing more exaggerated movements akin to how she moves in witch. The lighting would probably be darker and the background would probably change location throughout.

Whats funny is that i always envisioned that if they were to do this song that it would be a quartet with three guys fawning over a Killer queen figure. Like it would be the three acting out how she acts wih her mimicking the moves of the one who is currently "speaking", but more exaggerated. The moves that i mentioned above are what i thought would work with this original idea and it just stuck and they're all i can think about when i hear the chorus.

I guess a good way for this hypothetical routine to end would be it turning out to be a memory that Cygnus is having, and him looking ashamed. I definitely do see the relationship that they probably had as sorta romantic, but whether it be romantic or platonic, beggin does make it out that he regrets what he's done and more than likely the time he spent with her. He'd look back on this memory with guilt after seeing what she did during Locked Out Of Heaven and her further plans that come up.

Someone else has definitely suggested this song for the series before, probably during 2017 and 2018 when Don't stop me now and another one bites the dust were relatively new to the series and some were expecting another queen song for 2019, (Though in all the fanmade songlists i've seen on youtube i haven't seen any queen songs mentioned). I'm not sure if i was the first one to suggest this song for these two particular coaches either, maybe someone did last year when Beggin' came out and Sweet Dreams was still believed to be released at some point.

This was just something quick to show what i think it would look like. probably should've made a title card but i might make a more detailed version at some point and include one.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Pearl of the East China Sea

Here we have the brightest boy in Jinling City - Zhang Zhehan as the young Lin Shu from Nirvana in Fire.

The inspiration for this fig is pulled from several different places in the show, but the primary inspiration was brief flashback scene near the end of Episode 40. It's been cut out on the version on YouTube, but it is watchable on Viki, starting at 39:00 in the episode. I can't download it from Viki, but I do have a small clip I downloaded from somewhere years ago that plays out this scene:

Apologies for the lack of attribution, I am not sure who originally posted this.

I took a couple screenshots in better definition so you can see more of the detail:

I hate to admit this, but I have not watched Nirvana in Fire yet despite it's epic reputation. BUT I'm hoping to start next week! I have a long flight ahead of me and plenty of time to get started on it's 54 episodes.

I loved this clip when I saw it because of how delightful it was - the young Lin Shu is adorable, with a smile that can really can light up the city.

He arrived safely tucked into his polystyrene box. The little cutout to the right side of him didn't have anything in it. My guess is that it was originally for his lantern, but (very thankfully) it came pre-installed. We won't need to have me sweating over trying to carefully slide it into his little hand.

The pearl is definitely as big as a chicken egg!

The (fish? frog? tadpole?) lantern in his hand is SUPER cute. It's also from the show as well, since I recall seeing a clip of him carrying it, but unfortunately I don't have a shot of it. When I watch the show I will keep an eye out for it, and come back and update this.

This is also a good angle to see the beauty mark on his left ear. This fig maker always adds the beauty marks to Zhehan and Gong Jun's ears.

The lantern is really too cute. Look at the little feet! I'm a complete sucker for those claymation animals with the googly eyes, and this totally reminded me of it. I'm so, so grateful that this didn't arrive broken and once again that I didn't have to wrangle glue on it to stick it into his hand.

The scales on the lantern! Such great detail.

I love figs with cloaks. Here you can see the little bit of detailing for the fur trim.

As you can tell by the fig stand, this little guy did not stand up on his own. You might think the weight of that enormous pearl might drag him forward, but no, the weight of his head kept tipping him back. I glued him down right away - no chance of this little cutie falling and breaking something!

He's not in his full armor here like he was in the clip, he's wearing clothes that Lin Shu wears elsewhere. I think it was a good call by the fig maker to have the clothes be recognizable enough without being overpowering. It really allows the pearl and the lantern to take center stage.

I love this fig, I think he's just so cute.

The fig maker really captured the youthful roundness of his face, and rendered his hair perfectly. The detail on the fur trim on his cloak is subtle but very nice. Just a great execution all the way around.

He's wearing black pants tucked into his black boots, but it's a little difficult to see due to the color.

It's easier to see from this angle.

You can see more detail on the guan here, and we have a nice shot of his hand holding the pearl and the googly eyes on the lantern.

I like the hair a lot on this fig, it's a great look.

This fig maker always has great box card art, and you can see the name of the fig here - Pearl of the East China Sea.

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 493

Scene Count: 31

Rating: Even more precious than a pearl

[link to the Master Post Index]

[commenter2]

"Overture" review

After so many years, Hazbin Hotel is finally out. As of making this, I was a bit surprised that Vivzie (and Prime) posted the first episode on YouTube with the series coming out soon but I’m not complaining, as I had a recent conversation with someone about if Vivzie would post the episodes on her YouTube channel over time and I think it could happen but SLOWLY, like months after season 1 is done and with months in between postings.

Now let’s begin this review/reaction literature. Along with obvious spoilers, this will be a long review (sorry in advance) but I would really appreciate if you could read the whole thing.

Being the premiere, it makes sense to start with exposition from Charlie. It’s also fitting that she tells it like a fairy tale as I see it reflecting how Charlie sees the world, though I bet it will change a bit later on. Hopefully she can still keep that POV a bit at the end of the series, maybe like a kind of modern day fairytale view of the world.

Insert “accurate angels” joke here.

So 2 women are representing good and evil. I’m making a note for that as that is definitely going to lead to something.

I do like how the story is keeping the fact that Lucifer was good, like how some versions say Lucifer was God’s number 1 angel. Also in the scene with the angels working on Earth, one of the angels is shaped like that angel we saw in the season 1 trailer, meaning she and Lucifer likely go way back and confirming that she is really powerful/high ranking angel. Some say she is a refence to an old character of Vivzie’s of an angle who LOVED torturing sinners so who knows.

LILITH! Also this confirms that she WAS human. Hopefully this means Lucifer is okay with other humans/sinners, especially Vaggie (hint hint writers) and Lilith being the “queen of succubus” is an honorary title like I brought up in the past.

I am curious about what “pre apple Adam” was like and if he was any different than his modern age self. There definitely should be a prequel episode showing more details of how Lucifer and Lilith met and leading to everything else.

Lucifer X Lilith is soo cute, I really hope nothing bad happened between them before the events of the series, as for some reason people have been theorizing and headcanoning that.

I’m hoping that Charlie’s happy tone at that part of the story confirms that they are still together.

Charlie’s story quickly goes from Lilith and Lucifer falling in love to them interacting with Eve. I feel like later on we will learn that something big happened in between these events, another reason for why a prequel episode should happen one day.

The apple makes the figure of Eve glow a bit like that woman from the beginning representing evil, I knew that’d come in handy. This and the fact that the apple is supposed to represent the knowledge of BOTH good and evil but isn’t here makes me wonder if Eve will be a villain in the show? I mean Adam is and after seeing how he ended up, I could see Eve being much worse. Plus Vivzie did say that the female characters will have more focus in Hazbin Hotel so I’ll keep an extra eye out with them. I also want to point out that this scene of Eve looks a lot like the early released trading card of Lilith! There is this theory floating around related to that but I’ll save that when we get more info.

The stuff about evil coming to be is a bit interesting/confusing. I just find it a little hard to believe that both good and evil can both existed at the same time here but it only took Lucifer’s actions to release it. Where was it before then and what was it doing? Could this possibly be hinting that elements of other religions/mythologies exist in this series, and whatever was left over became Hell/evilness? I do recall Stolas mentioning a creature from one such mythology in “Seeing Stars”. Could the “epilogue” of the Norse Ragnarök story be canon in this world? I do like the idea of God being Baldur. This also reminds me of an old idea of mind for a pic so stay tune for that.

Since this is from Charlie’s/Hell’s POV I do think that some of these events aren’t 100% true, like I don’t picture Lucifer wanting to give humans free will BUT it’s not impossible, as maybe he was so prideful and truly through it would be a good idea. Maybe he did it for Lilith, as she thought it will help Eve not go through the kind of things she went through with Adam that made her miserable. The story also does make Lucifer more sympathetic, considering the fact that he and Lilith were just tossed to Hell and no mentions of a fan popular idea of a war between Heaven and Hell along with that odd line about Lucifer never seeing/wanted to see the good in humanity and gave up on it and dreaming, considering how prideful he is supposed to be and how to me Lucifer looks like the kind of guy who wouldn’t give up that easily. Maybe Charlie will discover that Lucifer liked the evil and decided to make more things to hurt humanity, which as a bonus hurt those that ignored him for so long. This also does make me think this could be another idea/reason for why Lucifer is against Charlie’s plan, as he knows Heaven will say no to her redemption idea every time and doesn’t want Charlie to go through that pain, which could also again relate to another idea I’ve mentioned before of Lucifer not wanting Charlie to be constantly under threat from Heaven and its forces like he is.

It JUST occurred to me that Lilith could have singing powers, like a bard or maybe even a sonic scream but I rather see that last thing happen with Stella first :3

Again that female angel from the trailer is show but this time she is sad, implying she doesn’t like the Exterminations while Adam is happy with the idea. I wonder if this means that the female angel, while she seems to be okay with the Exterminations during the events of the show COULD eventually be remined that she wasn’t always like this and at the end of the season could become an angelic ally of Charlie and helps her get her redemption plan in motion on the Heaven side of things.

So there is another reason for the exterminations instead of just population control. This could mean that the popular idea of Lucifer and Lilith making the deal so they could have Charlie could be true as well.

The scene of sad Charlie having her eyes open when her heart beats must be symbolic of the day she came up with her redemption plan.

I think that line about “Lilith’s hope passing down to Charlie” could be much darker than it sounds. Yeah Lilith and Charlie want Hell to thrive, but what if while Charlie thinks working with Heaven to solve the population problem would be best for everyone, Lilith hoped Charlie would destroy Heaven and thinks peace is too submissive in her eyes? Just a random idea but it could be a reason if there is tension between the mother and daughter.

I wonder if that book Charlie is reading was actually made by her, like her POV of everything, or made by her parents? Sure maybe they altered some things but maybe this is how she or they really think about things? If not then I bet the author got an earful from Lucifer about making him a quitter though after seeing Ozzie and Bee, Lucifer could be less prideful than we think he is.

So just like in the pilot, it seems like Charlie has a stronger connection to her mother and wants to make her proud, even if my idea of them having different wants to make Hell thrive is different. Again going back to the trailer maybe they will both get what they want and realize that there are other options, causing the two to bond and spend more time in the next season.

Thinking back I personally think it would have been interesting if the scene of Charlie reading the story and saying she would make her mom proud had been a flashfoward situation, taking place before the season finale. It has been implied in the trailer that a big battle between Hell and the Exorcist will happen, so I would have liked the idea of Charlie reading the book to remind her that what she is doing is the right thing in the end, and if the book HAD been made by her it would have been something to inspire future demons and sinners in case she doesn’t make it. That would be awesome and again fits with what I said about her altering things in the story if she is the writer.

Still funny to hear Charlie curse.

I know I’m late on the VA thing but I’m still going to post my thoughts about them when they come up, like right now as Vaggie’s new voice strangely reminds me of Harley Quinn’s Poison Ivy and It doesn’t help that those two characters are a lot alike. At least it leads to fun fanart as I love both shows.

“person doesn’t know someone is in the room with them” cliché

This episode is confirmed to take place shortly after the pilot. Specifically a week according to Vaggie later on.

Lilith’s 7 year gap is concerning but given how Charlie and her family are immortal, it probably isn’t that bad to them. It actually fits with this funny headcanon idea of mine about how when Lucifer and Lilith have big fights, they won’t see each other for decades or centuries before apologizing, but to them it is the equivalent of a day or two. I am a bit concerned that while her parents think this isn’t that long, it IS to Charlie, who is technically still “young” seemingly being only a few centuries old. This also goes back to that theory I was going to save for later, but it’s implied that Lilith is on a mission to stop something or someone but could be disguised as someone we know or could appear later on. I think we should play it safe when we see a modern day Lilith and assume that it could be someone else pretending to be Lilith.

Charlie X Vaggie are so CUTE!

I mentioned this in my HH S1 trailer breakdown but I still find the part of the commercial of the one guy stabbing the other funny cause the guy being stabbed doesn’t seem to mind XD.

That pic in Al’s commercial of Charlie and Lucifer better be overexaggerating, or I say we riot!

Also Al’s new voice is okay, though I do hear the difference. Can’t say the same thing for Angel as it sounds really odd like an accent is trying to get through his voice.

Charlie having a rubber duck to represent her dad. WAIT HER DAD! Viv was right we did get him fatheAWWW. Touché Vivzie.

Husk and Niffty’s voices sound fine, Niffty’s being the most perfect so far.

I once brought up the idea of Charlie basing her teachings on Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy, I just want to bring that up as a possible thing they will do for rehabilitation since they don’t have any ideas how to at this moment.

Was the scene of Charlie with wild eyes a meme or refence to something? It was still pretty funny.

So Lucifer wants Charlie to meet Adam for him. On one hand this could just be him being lazy OR maybe he is trying to help Charlie in his own way. That or like I said before, maybe he thinks if Charlie realizes what she is up against, it could make her want to quit her redemption goal.

Despite her father being an angel/fallen angel, Charlie doesn’t know if angels have hearts. I wonder how much of Lucifer did change when he became a fallen angel.

Ought to bring this up now but since she was born and raised in Hell, though she sees the flaws, I feel like it might be a little bit hard for Charlie to see why Heaven wouldn’t want to make it better or bring the people there into Heaven.

Charlie’s song, while nice, has reminded me about this old fan idea people had about a possible future scene where Charlie sadly realizes that not EVERYONE could/should be redeemed. I thought I bring it up because I could see that coming up soon.

I think that is Blitzo in the scene where Charlie hitches a ride on the delivery truck. Speaking of which (looking at logo) :)

I didn’t bring this up in my HH S1 trailer breakdown because I didn’t think it was need, but now it is. TLDR I wonder if Pentagram City is now more like a “country” or all of the Pride Ring with towns and named areas acting more like states. Until we get an episode outside of it and into another circle of Pride (something referenced in Helluva Boss and the HH pilot trailer WAY back by Katie Killjoy) I’ll likely treat Pentagram City as the whole Pride Ring.

I think I brought this up before, but if there is a Heavenly emissary in Hell, then I wonder if there is one for Hell in the outskirts of Heaven? Could this building allow sinners to talk to people, like loved ones in Heaven? Something like this would be perfect for my OC Ratchet, as one of his goals is to talk to his deceased/murdered little brother again.

It’s funny seeing Adam eat, considering his mouth doesn’t look real and thus should work. Also yes I see Adam eating ribs, but I’m not making a joke about it because it is a bit cheesy.

Honestly we should have seen the hologram thing coming, since I bet no angel in Heaven (as of now) wants to be in Hell unless it’s during an Extermination.

IS ADAM FLIRTING WITH CHARLIE!!!! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT STOP!!!

Adam’s behavior here is making my “pre apple Adam being an immature child” theory look canon, don’t you agree?

I think we’re seeing the Lilith side of Charlie when she is pretend laughing.

Adam and Eve aren’t a thing anymore. I knew that was coming, but it is still a bummer to hear as it is predictable. No surprise but I wonder if they split after the Cain incident, as I’m starting to wonder if in this world, Cain was a lot like his father as he is now.

Though as 1D as he is, at least this makes Adam a good antagonist, unlike with Stella but that is getting WAY off topic. I do hope that Adam is just going to be the antagonist of this season, and after that he is either written off or given the Emperor Pilaf treatment and be demoted to a very, VERY minor threat. This way other antagonist could arrive leading to new challenges for Charlie and the others.

AGAIN SOMEONE DO SOMETHING, GET LUCIFER OR LILITH!!!

Charlie seems to be thinking like her dad when she tries to use Adam’s ego to get her project started.

Though mainly for laughs, I’m still going to guess that cameras, being on camera, or being watched/the focus of is going to have a connection to Niffty’s backstory. One really sad theory is that an older guy she liked was a stalker who eventually abducted her and showed her off to his friends and though Niffty eventually escaped and killed him, their struggle caused a fire to break out which would kill her too. This obviously messed her up and likely resulted in her obtaining something like Stockholm syndrome and having her mind regress to that of a child, explaining some of her personality quirks.

Just a personal thought, but I hope later on the writers will stop calling sinners as demons and just call them sinners or humans, as I feel like it is going to lead to problems later on. I mean what if one day we get a character that looks like a Hellborn demon but is actually a sinner… OMG LIKE BAXTER!

Al just being Al, which is still concerning. Heck even his “deal’ with Vaggie sounds like there is more to it, and I don’t mean that thing about how deals make people stronger. Then there is the way he said ‘your choice” though that could be the acting.

Some things here. The O on the Director’s chair is shaped like an eye which could be referencing Al’s cane or something else, Niffty refencing Marilyn Monroe, and the return of the characters outfits from “Alastor’s Reprise”.

Insert “Lute being prideful for not accounting that Lucifer is an angel” comment here.

So how would having a former sinner in Heaven be any different then how Adam acts? I bet it will be more complicated than that. I once brought up the idea of demons being scared of sinners because of their potential, so maybe Heaven has a similar thing? Maybe Heaven doesn’t know HOW to loosen restrictions to get more people or sinners into Heaven, as when they made the rules they didn’t have the foresight to make sure things could change with the times. I do recall a quote from the Bible that was about how souls couldn’t get into Heaven for a time until Jesus arrived and opened the gates. Heck there is another saying where Jesus DID get some people out of Hell which caused some quakes, maybe he coined the term Hellquakes. I wonder if a great sacrifice will have to be made in order to get worthy souls out of Hell? The Jesus thing also adds more to my idea of Jesus and Charlie being allies later in the series.

Though short, you can see during Adam’s song that Zhu Li, I mean Lute, does have a bit of a fun side deep down in that serious soldier personality.

Charlie is asking questions before I can type them down.

How high ranking is Adam in Heaven’s hierarchy if he can change the date of Exterminations? You think he would have to run that with other people like the archangels or seraphim.

After what she went through, it was nice to see Charlie happCOME ON!

This was going to come up eventually but I have mix feelings about Brandon Rogers being the new VA for Katie Killjoy. One main reason is that I personally see too many similarities between Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss (especially with the characters) and now having a VA from HB be in HH makes that list bigger. I also wonder if this decision was made as a kind of “damage control” since last time the character of Katie Killjoy was on screen she said something homophobic which got people angry, even though the series is in Hell and there are logically going to be people like that there. HOWEVER I understand why he was chosen, one being that he has played Katie Killjoy like characters already and I do like that they got someone that is easy to contact and has experience in such a role to do it then someone new. This has also strangely started making me connect Katie Killjoy to the Monarchs from the Venture Bros., like the daughter they never had who never went into costumed villainy (the news world can be evil though) which makes no sense but I LOVE IT anyway. I mean she acts like The Monarch but with a joke voice like Dr. Mrs. the Monarch, and the fact that she smokes and is insect themed just adds more to it XD.

AGAIN how did Adam get this through so fast? I wonder if Charlie will be blamed for this next episode? Eventually it will be revealed but I hope they do it sooner than later, as I do recall a screenshot of the Overlords talking about the Exorcist.

Also I feel like a line should have been added explaining that the upcoming Extermination will be worse than usual. I mean we the viewers know that but if it wasn’t for that Lute and Adam scene in the end, it would have looked like everyone is just panicking about something common happening earlier than usual. Maybe they do offscreen, going back to that Overlord meeting.

An angel drone? Is this a Sumerian mythology refence?

A dead Exorcist! Though not a surprise given it was spoiled via the trading cards along with it appearing MUCH earlier than I thought it would, it’s still interesting as now we have a mystery.

I find hard to believe that no one took down an Exorcist until now given how powerful sinners can be, but then again the writers seem to be making the forces of good/Heaven really OP which I’m not like that much. I don’t it would have hurt the story if it was revealed that while there are a few angelic casualties in every Extermination, the number has risen over the past several years which has now made the Exorcist army (not Adam because he probably sucks at his job and never noticed it) worried leading to the earlier Extermination plan.

It also seems that angels have golden blood, like the ichor in Greek myth. Looks like my headcanon of Heaven/Hell inspiring the various other myths of this world is canon!

This episode was a good starter for the season and series. While it feels a lot like another pilot at times, that is fine since it’s been years since the actual pilot, and the episode does add more new info to the series (a benefit of having a short season) like another glimpse at what Heaven is like and how they feel about Hell, along with adding in a situation that now effects everyone and can lead to future situations/interactions.

We also now have an interesting mystery going on about who could have killed that Exorcist. I think it’s likely going to be someone in Heaven wanting an excuse to attack Hell, I mean Lute really hates them so she could be the one or others suspects are that angel from the S1 trailer/was seen at the beginning of the episode and an old character of Vivzie’s named Roo who apparently represents all evil, and who people have been thinking is coming up soon. Heck maybe an actual demon like a goetia did it while trying to escape, or this was a result of accidental friendly fire? This is going to be fun.

The only negatives things about this episode are that I do agree that some of the new VAs, though talented, are kind of out of place for the characters especially Angels. I bet we will get use to them over time though. Then there are the very small things like how Adam has so much power to do things, and either changing a few scenes or adding a line.

I have one more theory I have to say before I end this. I think this whole season is going to be some kind of Heavenly challenge/test for Charlie. I wouldn’t be surprised if Heaven IS tired of Adam’s attitude especially when compared to how nice the daughter of Lucifer and Lilith of all people is, but they can’t discipline him given he is the leader of their army. This doesn’t help that they also see signs of a potential future threat coming up (likely why Lilith has been gone for so long) and think that Adam won’t be able to handle it, so some angels think Charlie should be the one trained to deal with this force while others think they should stick with Adam and just prepare for when he messes up. This is why the higher ups are allowing Adam’s early extermination to happen because they want to see if Charlie can handle this situation, along with seeing her skills at being a leader and most importantly see if she will still be her nice self in the process. If she fails then thing stay as they are, but if she passes then the angelic forces will give Charlie the chance to try and convince the forces of Heaven to go with her redemption plan, and demote/get rid of Adam as karma. Again it would be a way to get rid of Adam as a villain and have someone else fill in the role next season. Same for how the writers could use this to lead this to a bigger story like a GOW Ragnarök like reveal where Charlie finds out the generic “end of days” prophecy is a lie and the real prophecy says something big will come to destroy everything in Heaven, Hell, and Earth and it’s debated on if she could be the one destined to fight it and save everything.

This was a big review and there a still 3 episodes left so you want to keep up to date, give me a follow.

What were your thoughts on the episode? Though there are a lot, do you agree with any of my thoughts/ideas here? Was there anything I missed that you would want to hear my thoughts on?

[rayventoodles]

Warning: Very long post

So, I've gotten back into the Pokemon side of YouTube and have started drawing Pokemon again for the first time since, I think grade 7 or 8, but it's had me looking back on my time as a actual player. But my first real experience with the games was... well, you'll see.

So for context, my first game and one of my first DS games was SoulSilver, and I was 6 years old back when it released in March of 2009. I had just gotten a DS Lite (in metallic pink, because I wasn't in my 'not like other girls' phase yet) just so I could play it. My mum made me rent the game first to get a feel for it and see if I liked it before buying. That's where things started to get strange.

Upon booting up the game, there's already a save file, so naturally I choose new game, but I couldn't save without getting rid of the old file, so I ended up going back on playing on the existing save file instead. It was set to the male character with the default name (Ethan), it was already completed, all the gyms from Johto to Kanto, including the Elite Four were already beaten. The captured Pokemon included the standard starters, but also had pretty much everything in the national dex including every legendary that was available at the time. In the character's bag was every item available in the game, including multiples of TMs and Master Balls, and by multiple I mean in the hundreds.

This was from a regular DS card. No Action Replay or anything like that. The place we rented it from was this small tech store attached to a mall that ended up being demolished in the 2010's. I later rented the DS version of Viva Pinata, and there were no altercations made to the game at all. So to this day I have no clue what someone would've had to do to modify the game like this.

My mum later went down to our local GameStop and bought the game for me, and I'm grateful she got it back when it was still new. But that first experience is still ingrained in my mind.

You know what? I'm on a roll here. Lets do a ~*lightning round of stupid/random stuff*~

My first starter was a Totodile that I named Star, but he ended up becoming my HM slave. Shame.

I've never beaten a Pokemon game on my own, a had a friend (let's just call him POKOMON) who beat SS, Platinum, and Black for me because of how bad I was at it.

I couldn't read well at the time, so I read Union as 'Onion' and Physic as "pie-ish-ick"

Because of my aforementioned poor reading skills, I named Silver as Passboy because he's named as Passerby Boy when you first meet him.

My first time trying to catch a legendary (Lugia, in this case) was so many levels of stupid on my end. I got it down to half HP, then I hit it one more time for good measure, and it fainted. You know what I did. I did the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do and I FUCKING SAVED. To this day I have never caught Lugia or used anything but a Master Ball on a Legendary.

This is why the Route 27 music triggers my fight or flight instinct. This also applies to the Celadon City music because it was playing as my mum was yelling at me about something that I can't remember.

I've never beaten Omega Ruby, since POKOMON was telling me to save my Master Ball for Deoxys. I couldn't catch Groudon no matter what I tried, and I didn't want to wait until after the Hall of Fame, so I just left it there and I haven't touched the game since.

I also haven't beaten Y either because I couldn't get past the Elite Four. I tried it once and when I lost I had a complete meltdown.

The only other time I broke down crying was when I found out you couldn't catch Zekrom in Black, so my mum gave in and bought White, which I never got past the second gym and am now considering giving to a friend of mine who's never played Pokemon, despite her owning a DS.

One time I tried battling POKOMON and he one shotted my while team with just his Lugia and Aeroblast. He then proceeded to tell all the other kids at his mom's afterschool daycare about it.

I had an easy time catching legendaries in Platinum because POKOMON had an R4 card, and he'd trade me a Pokemon holding a Master Ball if I did a drawing for him. When I told him I needed more balls for the Lake Trio, he freaked out and said, "Why? They're so ~BOOP~ easy!" (He censored his own swear words back then)

None of my friends who had Pokemon (who were mostly boys) wanted to do anything with me that involved any of the side stuff in the games, except for that one time where I beat POKOMON in the Pokeathlon.

I didn't know what a pedometer was back then, so I never used my PokeWalker. It's still sitting in my closet with the battery long dead.

There was this girl about 6 or 7 that went to the same after-school babysitter, and she needed my help playing Diamond, and I had to traverse Mt. Coronet for her because I was the only one there who knew how to get around that place.

The last new Pokemon game I played was Moon, which I played only once before putting it down forever. I don't remember if it was because school got in the way or that at 14 or 15 I found the game to be super hand-holdy and patronizing. I think I just put in Platinum and never looked back.

I've never played Sword or Shield or even Scarlet or Violet because I don't own a Switch and likely never will.

[bitchassmcgrass]

This is gonna be the last vhs post I make for a while, mostly because I get to be with my husband again soon and I can rant about this to him instead of screaming into the void (and also because school gives me no time to work on any of my projects)

Upon coming back home for the weekend, I found the old Digital Guillotine test tape from August. I do appreciate the fact that I made a test print, since it gives me another tape I can put on in the background for about four hours, but upon watching it back, there's several things I wish to change. I mostly want to take out some longer videos, such as PBG and Sequelitis, (and Fesh Pince, that seemed like a good idea at first, but it's way too long, especially compared to all the other videos), as well as switch out some text bumpers for shorter videos.

I also originally settled for YouTube reuploads of flash cartoons like Eddsworld and Homestar Runner, since that was how I mostly watched those videos growing up, but I think once I start this project again, I'm going to make my own recordings of the original swf files. I doubt the resolution will matter too much on vhs (especially recorded in extended play mode), but I think it would improve choppy looking animations, and I'd have lower risk of encountering animation errors (like in the YouTube version of Zombeh Nation, Tom is completely static when the Bathmobile is first revealed).

I'm also going to fuck with aspect ratios a bit. My usual method for converting 16:9 to 4:3 is a bit controversial (or maybe it isn't, I don't have any friends who are as autistic about aspect ratio and video production as I am) but rather than pan and scanning the image or letterboxing it, I like to just squish the video. It makes things on screen look a bit skinnier than originally intended, but I personally don't mind the look of it, and nothing gets cut out of frame. Of course, this shouldn't be a huge problem, as a lot of the videos I'm archiving are originally uploaded in 4:3. I'm also leaving some exceptions for a couple different series.

I originally stretched the Smosh videos to be 4:3, but even early Smosh videos uploaded in standard ratio were uploaded in 16:9 with letterboxing to make it widescreen. I might end up just letting that be 16:9 (as well as future videos) since these old videos are going out of their way to be presented in this format. I'm also going to be adding Red Vs. Blue to the list of videos to add to the tape. However, there's two versions of the blood gulch chronicles, the original and remastered. The first half of the original series recorded in Halo 1 uses splitscreen, so the crop is much more intense than a 16:9, more closely resembling a cinematic 2.39:1 (even tighter, actually). The normal option here would be to just use the remastered versions, but of course, I'm instead going to be using the original recordings with harsh letterboxing (and editing the start of the first few episodes to include title cards to match with the rest of the series).

Time to summarize my thoughts. It is ten minutes to 4 am, there's about 50 minutes left on the test tape, and my vcr can't play any commercial tapes without the sound being extremely blown out. I might be able to re-record the tape with this vcr, but sinc emy head cleaner didn't work, I'm most likely going to have to buy a new one for watching movies again.

Next time I get the chance to work on this, I'm going to have my crt monitor hooked up so I can get a better idea of text positioning and color correction for the bumps and videos themselves. Most importantly, once I record this tape, I'm going to remember to turn discord notifications off. Can't believe I forgot about that.

The first tape will predominantly feature Homestar Runner, Smosh, Eddsworld, Tally Hall's Internet Show, Angry Video Game Nerd, Filthy Frank, and Red Vs Blue. It will also include ASDFmovie, Tomska, Charlie the Unicorn, The Lazer Collection, Animator Vs Animation, Leo and Satan, Tankmen, and iconic YouTube Poops. If I get really desperate for content, and I mean, REALLY fucking desperate, I might include a Fred video, or the original Annoying Orange.

if you have any recommendations for this project, please let me know. Thank you for reading.

[techtired]

Another Social Media Platform Becomes a Victim of Ads

Ask me to list three things I hate about social media and online platforms, and watch me list “ads” thrice. I am not alone. Based on a recent study by Statistica, more than 33% of users are willing to pay a little extra to avoid ads. Premium or no premium, we are living in 2024, and ads should stay back in the 90s. First, YouTube launched its ads strategy, followed by our beloved Facebook. Now, it seems Instagram is the recent victim of profit greed. Keep reading about the pesky “unskippable” ads on Instagram and how users react. Instagram Revamp in the Last Few Weeks – An Overview For years, social media has been a free, ad-supported world. Internet, often affordable with providers like Xfinity, is the only cost we pay to use social media apps. Users scroll endlessly for hours at a time. It is the reason that boosted screen time and fueled engagement rates. However, the golden days of social media are in peril. After the recent one-word CTA fiasco, AI training debacle, and political post-restriction, Meta seems to be proactively trying to irritate users. For context, Meta recently rolled out a political restriction feature. Now, users will no longer see political posts unless they opt to. When the users were done protesting, Meta rolled out the AI training feature. As per the feature, public user data and public pictures will be used to train AI. While this comes with an opt-out setting option, users without information will be considered opt-in by default. Instagram dropped another bombshell with the single-word CTA update to continue this streak. Based on this update, users encouraging their followers to comment emoji, like, and share the post will experience limited reach. Recently, Instagram has also rolled out its ads feature. While this feature is still in the testing phase, all the users will see ad breaks within a few weeks. Everything to Know About the New Instagram Ad Break Feature The update was first spotted by a Reddit user, who posted, 'new garbage feature is being tested.' Per the post, this is not an in-video ad break on YouTube. Instead, this is an in-feed ad break. As the user keeps scrolling, it reaches a specific loading limit. After exhausting the loading limit, users get an ad break. Since the ad is “unskippable,” the user must watch the ad to continue scrolling. As per the Reddit user, the new feature comes with a countdown timer so you can track the time left to start scrolling again. Currently, we have in-story ad breaks. However, the in-story ad feature is skippable. Users can opt to skip ads by simply tapping to “skip”. The feature is still testing, so the company has not officially addressed this update. As soon as the feature rolls out for all, the company is expected to announce it via its official channel. A user on X also reported this update. As per X user, the app won’t budge unless he takes an ad break. What is The Future of Ad Break Feature on Social Media? This is not the first time we have noticed a social media giant rolling out an ad feature. We have previously seen this on YouTube, Facebook, and TikTok. However, no other company has yet rolled out an “unskippable” ad feature that will completely shut down the app for users. Tech experts believe this can be a daring move and might cost Instagram a lot. These experts predict that Instagram might roll out a premium ad-free version for paid users. If the paid account is in the cards, this will help Instagram generate money from all ends. With this update, Instagram will have a faceoff between premium users willing to pay for an ad-free version and business account holders investing to run ads. However, health professionals see it as a perfect update for mental health. Since Instagram is famous for doom scrolling, user can now take this as a sign that they have exhausted their scrolling limit. This will further encourage the user to shut it and focus on the work at hand. How to Turn This into a Win-Win Situation? As a user, I have already stated my dislike for ads. However, from a business point of view, ads are a great way to maximize revenue. If Instagram wants to continue this strategy, it is much better to switch to skippable ads, just like YouTube. An excellent way to approach this is by analyzing customer data. As per research conducted by TikTok in January, 70% of the users were willing to engage with the ad if there was a “Skip” option. If Instagram wants to turn it into a win-win situation, turning “unskippable” to “skippable” is the only answer. Read the full article

[jcmarchi]

Balatro Was Almost Called Joker Poker And Other Details From Its Creator | Afterwords

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/balatro-was-almost-called-joker-poker-and-other-details-from-its-creator-afterwords/

Balatro Was Almost Called Joker Poker And Other Details From Its Creator | Afterwords

It’s been one month since Balatro, the poker-inspired deckbuilding roguelite, was released, and it has taken the gaming world by storm. In that short timeframe it has earned rave reviews (including a 9.5 out of 10 from us), positioned itself as a Game of the Year contender, and sold 1 million copies. To the delight of many, a mobile version was recently announced to be in the works. 

For some players, Balatro seemingly came out of nowhere and its sole developer, LocalThunk, is just as mysterious. The highly private creator doesn’t share his real name, but I was able to speak with him about his game development history, his philosophy for making games, how he came up with the idea for Balatro, and his reaction to its positive reception. Perhaps most importantly, LocalThunk also tells me the strangest pronunciations he’s heard for the game. 

Game Informer: What drew you to wanting to create games as a hobby, and how long have you been making games?

LocalThunk: Well, when I was in university, I was taking this mechanical engineering course. And I was watching a lot of videos from YouTube of people playing video games, and I always wanted to make a video game. So that’s kind of when it started. I was still in engineering school, and in my spare time, I’d start making simulations more than video games and some little games. And I made a kind of a Risk-type game… and I got really, really into the actual process of making games and simulations. So I ended up dropping out of engineering, and I went into a computer science program because of that. And basically, the entire time I was in that program, when I’d get home from school, I would just make games and keep coding, and it’s something I held on to after I left school. I just always did that.

The main thing with it, though, is I never really shared it with an audience. Either it was mostly just for me, or I would share it with a couple of friends and family that I knew who would appreciate these things as a way to share that part. So yeah, I’ve been making games for probably almost 10 years, I guess. But this is the first time I’ve made anything public at all.

How did the idea for Balatro come to be? What was special about this concept that made you want to share it with the public?

Well, the concept came from – it’s a game called Big Two. It’s a Cantonese game. If you’ve ever played a game called Presidents or Cheat or Janitor or A**hole, it’s the same type of game where you have a hand of cards, and you select some of the cards and play them down. So it’s actually based on a game like that. It’s not based on poker. And I used to play this game, Big Two, all the time with my friends when I was in high school and growing up. I wanted to make an online version of that game to play with them during the pandemic.

And so I started making the bare bones fundamental engine. And when I was doing that, I was watching YouTube videos about Luck Be A Landlord at the time. And I really liked a lot of the design elements of that game. And I thought, you know, I could transition this into a game like that, where you’re facing off against the score requirement almost and you’re not facing enemies, per se. And I just liked a lot about the core design aspects of that game. So I kind of combined those ideas. And after a while, it ended up being one of the more polished things I’d ever worked on so I thought it’d be kind of fun to put it on Steam.

I read an interview with a PC Gamer, where you said that you’re not really a poker player and that you’re not particularly a fan of it. If that’s the case, how did you decide to incorporate poker into this concept? The idea of taking something you’re not really into but recognizing it could work for this formula is really interesting.

I’m a little bit of an outsider in terms of indie games. I didn’t really play a lot of indie games. I know a lot of the theming with indie games is one of the things that always kind of put me off with it. It’s very fantasy-heavy. The theming was always a barrier to entry for me.

When I was making this game, I thought, playing cards: what’s something that’s thematically tied to playing cards that has a lot of identity, iconography, imagery people are familiar with that they can lean on to get into the game instead of having to learn about so that they can get into the game? And I thought Poker is the perfect thing because it has all these interesting visuals, sounds, terminology people are generally familiar with. More than most other card games do, it kind of has this aura about it as a card game, more so than like a Solitaire would or Cribbage or something. So, I leaned really heavily on the theming because I knew the theming was such a strong part of Poker, even if the mechanics I don’t really care for with Poker. I don’t really play it. I know how it works, I have played it before, but it’s not really a game I enjoy. 

[embedded content]

Do you think Balatro would have worked like with any other card game that uses real cards? Is there a card game you do enjoy that could have also fit?

“Work” is the operative word. It depends what your definition there is. I think mechanically, it would be identical if it was dice and like a Yahtzee-type game because it’s essentially the same thing; you’re picking playing card hands from that. I could have based it off of Big Two, the original game that it was supposed to be based off of, but people don’t know that game. So it’s just another hurdle to even get into playing the game. Mechanically, yeah, there’s really no reason why it needs to be Poker. I could replace the word “blind” with “enemy” and “chips” with “points” and it would be functionally identical. 

I’m in the same boat as you in that I am not a poker player. I don’t know how to play poker, but Balatro helped me memorize poker hands for the first time. As you’re designing Balatro, was it more important to you that Poker players get into this game or more for people like me who don’t care about Poker?

Well, the intention was never to make a game for Poker players. I think I was expecting people that weren’t familiar with Poker to be able to interface with it. I think honestly when I hear people that really are into Poker play this game, I do hear quite often they say like, ‘Oh, it’s actually nothing like poker’, right? The skills that you have as a Poker player, like all the depth of the skill set that you develop, is so different from just knowing which hands are in Poker. It’s more like playing your opponents and how you raise. I don’t know Poker very well either, but I do know that it’s looked at as almost like Chess where there’s such deep strategy to that game, and none of that’s apparent in Balatro. So no, it wasn’t designed for Poker players. I can see how they would like it, though, if they just enjoy video games or like Solitaire. I don’t think they would be more inclined to enjoy it than like you or me.

Are you a big fan of deck builders? Did you ever try to make any before as one of your smaller, private projects or is Balatro your first stab at doing a deck builder?

This is the first deck builder I’ve ever played. I watched some videos about Luck Be A Landlord so I understood mechanically how that game works. But I’d never seen Slay the Spire or, I don’t know, what other games [were] in the genre at the time. Since I made Balatro, I have played a couple of these games. And I think it’s a really good thing that I never played any of these games before I made Balatro because… they’re so well designed. The designs would have infiltrated my own design processes, and it would have kind of overshadowed maybe some of the original things. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and mistakes, but I think it would have narrowed the design space unintentionally.

When did you feel you were on to something with Balatro? It’s maybe the best deck builder I’ve ever played, and it feels like it was made by someone who has played a lot of deck builders. 

The main goal that I had, my rubric, number one at the top, is I want a game that I enjoy playing. And I hit that mark, I think it was the week before launch day, that I finally [felt] like, ‘Okay, I want to sit down and play this game in my spare time.’ So besides that, I can’t simulate what other people are going to think about the game. I had no idea if it would be successful or a flop or whatever. So, yeah, I just know, personally, that I started enjoying it about about then. 

Do you find yourself enjoying Balatro more and playing it more often now that you’re sort of on the other side of the launch?

I do play it a little bit. But honestly, I really enjoy making games a lot more than I do playing them. It’s hard for me to judge just because it’s the only thing I’ve thought about for like two years, as well. So it’s very difficult for me to be a critic and say, ‘Am I actually enjoying it?’ The reasons why I’m not playing it, is it because I don’t want to play it, or is it because I’m just sick of working on it and thinking about it all the time? I don’t know. I still do enjoy it, but there’s a lot of other emotions and thoughts going at the same time too, so it’s really hard to judge.

How does it feel to have created something that’s garnered such an overwhelmingly positive reception?

I mean, it’s cool. It wasn’t something I was expecting. And again, I think the thing I’m most excited about is that I was able to do it in the first place [and] stick to this process for such a long time. And it was so much work. But sticking to that process and believing it’s going to work out. So I’m most excited about that, and I’m most excited that I ended up making this thing that I wanted to make. And it’s really nice that people also seem to really love it too.

What was the most challenging aspect of developing Balatro?

Taking it public 100% was the biggest challenge. You know, I’ve made games for so long, and I have also had another game that I’ve worked on for about two years, maybe two and a half years, and I never told anyone about that game. And all I think about is just how fun it was for literally the entire time I was working on it. No pressure, I could do whatever I wanted with it at whatever timeframe I wanted. And as soon as I went public with this game, I wasn’t expecting there to be chatter all the time and pressure to do things, and if there’s a bug you need to fix it, and criticism. Because none of that stuff really is why I wanted to make the game in the first place. I just love making games. All that stuff seemed almost like a means to an end if I wanted to have this game on Steam. So since it went public, I think dealing with that side of it has been the biggest challenge in the entire development cycle.

One of my favorite elements of the game is the Jokers for how much fun they are, how much they change the game, and just the sheer number of them. What’s the process behind designing a Joker suitable for Balatro?

I think they’re what people enjoy the most about the game. They’re also so fun to make. Just visually, there’s so many different directions you can take them. The process for making them is really fun because sometimes I’ll come up with an idea for an effect. And then I’ll brainstorm, and I’ll think, ‘Oh, that could work with this subject matter, that would be really fun.’ And then, more often, it’s the opposite. I’ll see something, and it’d be like, ‘Oh, that would make like a good-looking Joker’, and then I’ll have to come up with like an effect for it. So sometimes it starts from one end, sometimes it starts from the other. Sometimes, an effect will just be completely cut from the game.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I do have kind of bad reading retention. And I think that’s one of the reasons why I don’t enjoy a lot of strategy games like this. So I made a pact with this game that descriptions can’t be more than four lines and 20 words. That’s probably changed since I’ve released it, there’s probably some that are a little bit longer. But in general, I try and make it so that a Joker card needs to be really simple to understand for it to be in the game. That also really helped drive what Jokers do. They need to do things that are relatively simple, and that kind of breeds this elegant strategy by itself by doing that. So yeah, they were the most fun part of the game for me to make for sure.

I’m also an artist. I love drawing in my spare time … and this is the first time I really got into pixel art. So it was just another really fun, creative outlet in my game development journey that didn’t involve writing code. So there’s kind of like two different sides to it. And I do feel like I got to express myself a lot in that regard, as well.

What disqualifies a Joker from making the cut, and how many were left on the cutting room floor? 

A few ways. We had a very long beta/demo process for like seven months. So, I release a card, a Joker, and then it’s clear that it’s either just way too overpowered, or nobody takes it, or it’s too niche. There’s a litany of different problems it could have, and sometimes you can tweak it so the numbers are more in line with what it should be. But more often, if the effect just isn’t good, you just get rid of it. [I’ll] probably recycle the art into something else. That’s usually what I do because the art takes quite a bit of time. Less often, I will completely scrap art. There’s not very many examples of that happening. But every now and then, it does happen where I’ll have art in the game for many months, and then I’ll never love it, and I’ll just think, ‘I could probably do better than that,’ and then I’ll come up with something else. But that’s pretty rare. I think usually I try and keep the art. So those are the main ways that a Joker would get completely nixed from the game. But yeah, it has happened quite a bit.

I don’t know how often do you watch other players play the game, but are you surprised with some of the strategies and combinations of Jokers players have discovered that, in some instances, almost break the game? Do you get excited when you see that stuff, or do you look and think, ‘That’s way too overpowered, I should change that.’

I think I do think both things, actually. Because sometimes I do think something can be overpowered in a fun way. Something can be overpowered in a way that excludes the player from experiencing other fun in the game, which you don’t want. So if there’s something that’s really easy to do that, ‘Oh, I’ll just do this every time, and then I won’t feel the need to explore the design space of this game.’ Then ultimately, that’s the path of least resistance, and it’s not as fun as actually branching out and understanding the depth of the game. So, sometimes I do feel like that.

More often though, when I watch people that play that are really good, it makes me feel good that this game ended up being so emergent that when I watch, I’ll be like, ‘Oh, I never thought of that.’ It’s interesting how these strategies have emerged from the system that I created, and I didn’t really consider a lot of these strategies. So, I do enjoy watching players do that. And I do think that I’m not very good at playing my own game too. That probably plays into it.

Do you have a favorite Joker that you either love to play or was the most fun to illustrate? Is it the same card? 

It’s probably not the same card, no. My favorite art – I always like to shout out the banana Jokers in this game. The anecdote behind the Gros Michel banana, it went extinct, I think, in the ’50s and was replaced by the banana that we know now as the Cavendish banana. So there’s kind of some lore baked into the game where if you get the Gros Michel banana and it goes “extinct”, then you can get the Cavendish banana later on, and it’s less likely to go extinct. I really liked the whole design around that.

Visually, I really like the Pareidolia Joker is well. Pareidolia is a word for when you look at a cloud or a tree or something, you’ll see a face in it sometimes. That concept is called pareidolia, and it was really funny because I was able to recreate that idea by making playing cards on the Joker itself in the shape of a face, which itself is pareidolia. So, I really like the art for that card. That’s one of my favorite ones, as well. But I don’t know; I’ve got a soft spot for almost all the Jokers there. It’s like picking your favorite child almost.

You mentioned not being good at your own game. One of the cool things about this game also was the community that has sprouted up around seeds, and players posting their seeds and helping each other out. Have you ever played other players’ seeds? 

No, I never have. This is one of the biggest teaching moments I think I’ve had in this game. I barely even included a seed when I first went public with this game. I was using the seed as more of a saving tool so that you could save runs easier. And I decided to expose the seed itself as like, ‘Ah, I have this anyway. May as well show it.’ And players really, really got into the seeds, and I never understood it. So they would keep playing these seeded runs, and it just made me realize one of the core audiences for this game is a group that I don’t personally identify with, as the things that I enjoy about the game being different than what they enjoy. I really enjoy that they love the seeds so much and they’re able to share them, so I’ve tried to facilitate that as much as I could. But most of that has come from me actually talking to them and understanding what they enjoy about it, changing the seed algorithm so it more suits that idea. I’ve had to lean on them quite a lot for that. But I do really love that that’s happened. 

Balatro had a bit of trouble with being pulled from some international storefronts for visually resembling a gambling game. How did you react to this news, and what’s your stance on gambling mechanics in games in general? 

Well, my stance is more that I don’t want to put gambling in my game. There’s no way that you can spend extra money in Balatro to do anything else. I think really the problem is that it looks like Poker, which itself isn’t technically a gambling game unless you actually spend money on it, right? I think that’s where the biggest hiccup is, but like, personally, I’m opposed to spending money on a booster pack to get some kind of reward in-game or microtransactions or anything like that. Ethically, I wouldn’t ever be comfortable putting that in my game. It did kind of sting a little bit when they assume that this game would be associated with those kinds of things when other games in this industry do that and I don’t think they’re punished in the same way.

Now you’ve released your first game publicly, how has this changed your perception of game design and what makes a fun game? What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned that you think you’ll apply to whatever you make next?

I’ve learned so much about game design, actually. You know, I’ve been in my bubble for the past year and a half before I went public with this game. You don’t see the things that people struggle with in your game, either core game mechanics that they don’t enjoy or quality of life things that they think should be there that aren’t. For example, tooltips. In the game, there were very few tooltips before because I knew what every Joker did or what every card does so I didn’t really need them. But then, as soon as I went public with it, it’s like, oh, yeah, why am I not displaying that information? So I think what I’ve learned is I want to involve beta testers early in the process to get that kind of feedback right away so I can kind of incorporate that into the core engine easier.

But now that I’ve gone through this, I do feel like I know a lot of these things, like some of the pitfalls to avoid just from experience, so I’m sure it would go smoother the next time I release a game just due to that. But you know, basically, from what I mentioned before, I’ve been exposed to so many more games and design ideas and best practices and whatnot. And that’s also probably going to change my next game for the negative a little bit, as well, because I won’t be as uninhibited about making mistakes, and I’ll be a little bit more rigid in terms of what kind of design space I’m willing to explore. I think there’s there’s a little bit of give and take there.

Do you already have the idea for whatever you want to do next in your head now?

I want to keep around Balatro for sure. I’m not really entertaining any big game ideas yet, but I do have some that I’ve thought about, yeah. 

How has this experience changed your willingness to release games publicly? Has it made you more eager to put more games out for the world to see, or do you think it’ll still be a little bit more case-by-case basis?

That’s interesting, actually. I don’t know. I feel like my next game, if it was public or not public, I don’t know if that would matter too much. I’ll tell you what I am really excited [about] for the next game that I work on, is telling absolutely nobody about it basically until I’m done making it. I’m excited to do that so that I can kind of just get back to really what I love about this which is just making the game. 

I’ve seen you say there’s no wrong way to pronounce Balatro, and I respect that. That said, what’s the weirdest way that you’ve heard people say the name of the game?

There’s two main camps. There’s the “Bal-a-tro” and the “Bah-Lah-tro”. But I do see the joke a lot of ‘Oh Balatro, is that that movie with the dog and Alaska?’   

Balto? 

So I do see Balto a lot. I do see “Bell-a-tro” [with] like ‘E.’ The lesson here is that the name itself is not very marketable [laughs].

I don’t know, I think it stands out. I don’t know any other Balatros out there.

Yeah, I did it because I really felt like it encapsulated the idea I wanted. It was previously called Joker Poker as a working title. But I think there’s an app on the App Store that had the same name. And I also thought it was a little silly compared to kind of the vibe I was going for in the game. I’m glad I changed it to Balatro. But yeah, people do struggle with it. And I do often hear in podcasts and stuff like ‘Yeah, I don’t know what they’re thinking with the name’, and I’m like, yeah, I get it.

Balatro has a surreal vibe. When I first started playing, part of me wondered if it was secretly a weird creepy pasta game or something. How did you settle on the psychedelic vibe? 

You know, that’s one I’ve seen a lot of people say that like, ‘Oh, it’s because of this.’ Like, it’s because it looks like a video poker machine, or because of Inscryption or something.

That’s what I thought it would be. Something like Inscrpytion. 

Yeah, and it’s a little more dumb than that. It’s because of the amount of iteration I went through with design. So one day, I just thought, ‘I think this game would look good with the CRT filter on it.’ I’ve never played a video poker machine in my life. Like, I don’t even really know what they look like. I just thought, ‘Hey, this would be kind of like a fun thing,’ and then I put it in. I just really love writing shaders, so it was just like a fun project to do while I was working on the game. And it was like, ‘Yeah, that totally looks good on this game so I’m going to keep it.’ The swirly background and the kind of gyrating cards, and I just felt like it was all cohesive. And so I kept adding things that were cohesive to that central idea, but it kind of just came up organically. It’s not like when I started, I was like, ‘I’m gonna make some cursed interdimensional poker machine that people are going to be stuck at.’ That’s not like why I did, it just evolved into that.

Since you’re an artist, would you say it’s reflective of your personal style?

Kind of, a little, yeah. I like drawing really intricate abstract flowy art, normally. I’ve done that for a very long time. So I do kind of feel like it’s the same vibe, – almost creepy. I do feel like it’s [a] similar motif for sure.

Balatro recently passed the 500,000 copies sold milestone (Editors Note: this was the figure at the time of the interview). Is there anything that you want to say to fans who have enjoyed the game?

I said that the thing I was most proud of is the fact that I’ve just even got to the finish line at all. But, you know, the fact that people love this game so much, and they’re so invested in its future and wanting to improve it and design ideas, they’ve kind of allowed me to turn this into a career. It’s a career that I really want to do forever. I’m grateful that they’ve been able to afford that opportunity for me and that they keep playing Balatro. Keep getting those high scores.

[masonpelt]

A Blue Check On A Pike Warns Us Not To Give Up The Web

For an audio podcast version of this article: click here The internet, once a hand full of websites, grew rapidly. In July 2008, Google announced it had an index of 1 trillion URLs. Nearly 15 years later, the internet is larger but, in some ways, still a handful of websites.

I frequently lament Meta and Alphabet swallowing the web. In a post about TikTok, an app with over 1 billion monthly active users, itself representing a large site that makes the internet feel small, I complained forums and directories are gone. A kind of gentrification for the web where the cool message board is now on Facebook and independent blogs are concentrated on a few platforms owned by companies that can act out in petty ways.

In most revenue share models, a large platform, Medium, Twitch, YouTube, and so forth, collect payments from ads or subscriptions and split profit with creators forming a not-technically-an-employee-but-still-kind-of-anemployee-with-extra-steps relationship. A relationship where someone may not work for [platform], but [platform] can suspend income or even remove that non-employee-etcetera's work or access to the platform without warning or reason.

Platform Control

I don't think social media is a utility that must be regulated and forced to act with neutrality. Except for actual utilities, housing, and certain banking and adjacent technologies, that sort of regulation would be undesirable.

I don't want Daily Kos prohibited by law from removing Alex Jones from the comment section. I also don't like the world where people work for platforms creating content units with no substantive legal protection. It's bad when companies can be petty and retributive while controlling much of someone's income and reputation.

Here are a few examples of large sites using an employee with extra steps model, acting outside of stated terms or norms. This is not an endorsement of any parties mentioned. It's just that, in my opinion, these companies acted to be punitive, and these are high-profile examples.

Fiverr and VoiceoverPete

Fiverr ban VoiceoverPete for "attempt[ing] to defraud or scam others," at least that's implied as the reason based on a statement from Fiver to Mel Magazine. The crime of VoiceoverPete was recording a meme format, literally one listed by Know Your Meme. The format is a fictional character who "needs your help," followed by a list of needs and a long, clearly satirical request for a credit card number.

Patreon and Sargon of Akkad

When Patreon banned user Sargon of Akkad, the creator did not actually violate the platform's terms of service. Patreon's terms of service did not at the time they ban Sargon of Akkad, have a policy for hate speech made off the platform. And from Patreon's own statements, it was an interview, unrelated to and never mentioned on Patreon, that caused the ban hammer.

Ninja and Twitch

When internet personality Ninja left Twitch, the company removed his verification badge and started promoting other streamers on his page. Ninja was, at the time, the largest streamer on Twitch, and the press about his leaving for a deal with Microsoft probably drove over-the-top traffic to his page. But at one point, Ninja's Twitch page ended up having porn streamed onto it because Twitch was promoting other streamers indiscriminately.

Twitch was completely in its right to use Ninja's abandoned feed to promote other Twitch streamers' content. But at the time, their behavior was completely outside of the norm for how Twitch handled offline streamers or streamers who left the platform. It was petty and dumb.

Out of Control

I get something out of Twitter, but not money. Unlike most social networks, Twitter doesn't share revenue with creators. Twitter needs creators, or it dies. If they designed the product to make Steven King happy, it would be better for everyone.

Instead, Twitter's been trying to remove old verification badges and failing, pissing off Steven King, pissing off Mark Cuban, banning an account Tweeting about Musk's jet, making the Twitter logo a Doge, cutting API access for most developers, creating a massive memory leak, labeling NPR as state-affiliated media and many more stupid choices.

Today is my seventh day of Twitter limbo. On March 31st, I became Elon Musk's mother for several hours. But the account was put into a type of quarantine. My username replaced by a dot, my photo removed, I cannot log in. But my profile, with the years-old blue check still stands like a head on a pike warning others that Elon Musk has mommy issues.

We Lost Control

From my Twitter purgatory I realized that for much of the last 14 years Twitter replaced bookmarking, and a swath of general notes. I've long searched my Tweets regularly seeking links I've shared or liked. The typos and voice to text errors don't make me look contemplative, but being able to find a link to an interesting story about AI from a few years ago is nice.

Before Twitter people used to microblog. Clipping to the CMS is a sort of joke in online media circles now, but it's something everyone once did. Find something you loved and wanting to bookmark and amplify, people would copy the title, and lede, add a paragraph of thoughts and click publish.  

Some people would, maybe, see the post from an RSS reader. If no one saw it, well Google still used (and uses) links as a ranking factor, so value was added to the original publisher. It's not so different from an account with only a few followers sharing a story.

Twitter took over the microblogging slot. A handful of news aggregators and social sites now poorly substitute RSS. Social media generally replaced comment sections. A few large platforms are the home of many independent bloggers. We gave up control of the web.

I Want Control

Twitter is not an open system but an open-facing system. The same is true for many social and blogging sites. For example, Substack, a platform I use, makes the user's ownership of the content center to the marketing messaging.

On Substack, I cannot add URL redirects or canonicalize syndicated content. Users  may own what they create. But Substack is very much trying to frame itself as the home of that content. And making it hard to leave in a way that doesn't improve the product. I acknowledge these restrictions may help prevent spam, but they aren't open.

I will add a microblog for resharing links to my site in the coming days. I could use Pocket or Flipboard, but I'm tired of giving control to platforms that give the illusion of openness.

The Verge, added a microblog feed last year. The Verge is a massive media company, it pays those who create for it, as employees, not some weird not-technically-an-employee deal. More websites should add microblogs.

The moral warning of the blue check on a pike is stop giving up control of your data, your content, and your income without understanding the deal you're making. We need an open web, not digital land grabbing.

[haro-hawayu]

CCS: Clear Card Ch. 66

Chapter 66! Wahhh I read that they’ve already decided the final volume # for Clear Card series... we are truly nearing the end!! The latest chapter is currently available on CLAMP-net’s YouTube Channel. As always, do check out @meimi-haneoka's post on the latest chapter for any EN-JPN translation differences.

Links for previous chapter reactions can be found here.

Play-by-Page aka REACTIONS

Beautiful beautiful Sakura

Sakura with cat!Syaoran at the Red Queen’s castle!

The castle looks amazing! The details!!

I’m curious as to why cat!Syaoran didn’t respond to Sakura’s question/comment about the crystal floors... is something sus about it, or the castle’s make-up?

YELAN! Li-mama!

She’s so gorgeousss ahhhh!

YELAN having a conversation with ERIOL?!

Whoaaa what?!! WHAT?!

The electricity thing was... Yelan’s doing?! This revelation!

LOL I love how she has her fan covering the lower part of her face in that one panel. I love her. 

“Gentle” yup. You don’t want to see what it’s like when she’s not LOL.

Kaho. Also at tip top gorgeous-ness.

They all come to the conclusion of what Kaito’s been doing and possible the end he’s heading towards... (ughhh ><)

“Yukito”!! This version of him gives me TRC nostalgia.

The garden TuT 

Cat!Syaoran is acting kinda strange >_> (dat u Kaito??)

Also... the promise? My memory going ?? and I’m thinking like Sakura too.

Wahhhhh “Touya” and “Fujitaka” look amazing too... 

~~ Thoughts ~~

Phew! Okay so I didn’t expect that little aside with Yelan magic-facetiming (so handy) Eriol and wow all the stuff that was revealed! So what I’m getting is that Yelan saw in her divination that this moment (where Syaran saves not!Sakura) happening and took measures so that he would realize that “this isn’t the real Sakura”--and that’s why the no touch spell happened! Wow. Mama so big-brained. I also love how all this is just her being “gentle”--like can you imagine what a force she would be if she were to NOT be gentle?! I think the world is not ready for a magical world war if she were to really to go full-force XD

Also the Cat!Syaoran (the not-real Syaoran) is acting soooo sus, his reactions are definitely not like the “role” that he should be playing as the cat. It’s sooo telling with the silences, the stares, the... deflections (trying to get Sakura “Alice” to continue on) that Kaito might be impersonating Syaoran... or something to that effect, either way, the reactions are very much what I think a “Kaito who is pretending to be Syaoran” would act. 

I love soooo many of those “full page” art with the castle, or the one where we finally meet the Red Queen. This small page size is not doing the art justice, we need like an extra large version of this in print!

With final volume # decided... I wonder how many chapters we have left. And also... possible anime continuation to follow soon??

[bitty-bits]

Back In Action

DALL-E 2 Background (Prompt: Dreamy background painting with a checkered pattern grass and blue mountains in the distance), Emojis made for the SineTri Discord. Join us!

After a few months, I'm finally back doing this thing.

I'm back here probably cuz I do have a lot more to say than last time. Tumblr's embeds of posts don't seem to be very good, I've noticed. Oh well. Again you'll likely see me on that dreaded hellsite a lot more than here, but I'll still try to write here to maintain a tradition, and hopefully I won't be gone for too long again. Anyways here's what I've been doing lately.

New Computer

Yeah!

Without giving away too much details as for how this happened, I indeed have a new computer (notebook, specifically, as I've been used to the form factor my whole life, probably) and probably the first time it is almost on par with the latest high end specs, and, no memes, it has an RTX graphics card. What else can I say about it... well, using it so far has been a positive experience for the most part, my only complaint would be how "not good" the trackpad is. Cuz you know, I actually got used to drawing with the trackpad (believe it or not) on my previous notebook, which is still a pretty good notebook that still works and can still do a lot (I was able to play and beat Super Mario 3D World emulated on it at almost full speed, so I think that says something) so I hope whoever uses it next makes a good use out of it. I'd say outside of being "mid" (that's the Funny Word Them Kid's These Dayz R Usein' Right) its only problem is its battery doesn't really work anymore so it'll only work while plugged in, which is probably completely my fault, so I'm hoping to avoid this issue on the new computer. (Tip: There's an useful VBScript you can get and put it on Windows' "startup programs" folder that will show a message whenever your battery is close to 100% charge. Google it!)

Trackpad issues aside, I still have a standard optical mouse to use, but even then, It's still gonna take getting used to... using one again. I'm weird.

Cut it Out, Ninjin! - Preservation Efforts (Post-Warner Bros. Discovery Fiasco Update)

With all the clownery going down lately with the Warner Bros. + Discovery merger, the Ninjin cartoon series (my biggest "brainrot" of the year pretty much) unfortunately also fell victim to the "great cartoon purge" that happened as a result of WBD's terrible (and inefficient) cost cutting decisions. Fortunately, the timing for me to get into this series couldn't have been better, and at least the show staff got to finish a season right before the shitstorm, so finished material didn't go unreleased. That said we can only hope the series somehow makes a comeback or is revived in some form, as at least Warner doesn't own the Ninjin IP (as far as I'm aware).

With the series gone from HBO Max, YouTube and all of Cartoon Network itself (though not without a few exceptions still left here and there), it's important to remember that preservation is a must, and something to keep in mind from start to end in any project. Here's what a staff member at Birdo studio had to say on the matter (Portuguese):

for those who work on animated shows, for the love of god, don't forget to always keep a copy of the final versions of your scenes/episodes downloaded (and if you're the director, back up the entire series) cuz if we just rely on the son of a bitch companies and channels everything will be gone then we won't even be able to assemble an animation reel / portfolio afterwards

As I have shared in the first blog post, I have made an archive of pretty much all the CN Ninjin content that I could find, on a MEGA folder, which I've recently updated in light of the unfortunate news - Every episode is now available as MKV (Matroska Video) files with multiple audio channels (Original Portuguese, as well as the Spanish and English dubs!) which I plan to later still update to have English fansubs done by yours truly (So you don't have to stick to the... not very amazing English dub), you will also find the shorts (which I've already given subtitles!) and some comics too, which I still gotta translate.

I'll also make extra links for easier sharing soon.

We can't let the big corporations win again as they usually do.

You can buy Ninjin: Clash of Carrots (the game the series was based on!) on Steam here, and Pocket Trap's latest game, Dodgeball Academia, here!

Let's try to keep Ninjin alive. Please.

Do it for her.

Calimero Subtitles Project Returns

After staying stagnant for at least 2 years, interest in subtitling Calimero's 1992 anime by Toei Animation (easily my favorite Calimero-related media) ressurged. Likely due to me... having figured out what an MKV file even is and what it can have, as well as coming across what is now my favorite software for subtitle making in general, SubtitleEdit (Not very creative, I know), and learning about the more advanced, fancy subtitle formats a good chunk of anime (fan)subs use. Also the project expanded a little; it's gonna be more than just the subtitles over a single specific dub of the anime, actually it'll have most of the dubs ever made of the show that can be found. A lot of audio tracks in still considerably small files! I sure do love me some Matroska files. The current plan is for me to subtitle the first half of the series (26 episodes, "season 1", if you will) all by myself, while the second half is a bit tricky, as only the German, Italian and Arabic dubs have the entire series found. But I already have a German friend willing to help with those, and there are also a couple episodes from the second half in the original Japanese version found, so if you're fluent in any of these languages and are interested in helping out, feel free to tell me! Once the project is finished we will finally have one convenient place to watch this series, in a variety of language dubs, and English subs, and hopefully more people in the West will acquire interest for it.

My Channel for posting Video Game Music, CalimeroVGM on YouTube

Not "high quality rips" in the SiivaGunner sense, but actual VGM that either can't be found on YouTube elsewhere, or if it can be, the quality kinda sucks, or it's in a video with other tracks. I may have done a lot for SiivaGunner, and continue to do "high quality ripping" over on my music channel (ples suscribe), but I also have been contributing a lot to actual ripping and video game music preservation in general, and decided to make a channel dedicated to it (here), so I don't have to pollute my channel of miscellaneous whatevers, Lu9.2, which is already kind of polluted. So whenever I have any new rips, or even a few "experiments" with VGM, I'll put it on this relatively new channel. I encourage you to subscribe to it at least so I can get to 100 and get a custom URL, because I just am the weird kinda guy who likes neat looking URLs.

What I've Been Playing / Watching

Just in case people would want to know, I'd probably talk about it on Twitter anyways, but let's go:

Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series

I love Klonoa. Babe, GIVE me Klonoa. Played the first game (original PS1 version) back in either 2015 or 2016, though I was already a fan for longer, but loved it. The remastered version is very charming and combines the best of both the original colorful PS1 version and the Wii remake. And with this I was finally able to experience the sequel for the first time, and again, a masterpiece. Wish they kept some of the classic UI for the first game and other minor details, but that aside, this collection needs to succeed. This franchise needs to succeed.

Lucky Star

After giving up on watching it in 2015 (I was watching the English dub and didn't know what type of anime I was even expecting, Oops) I decide to give this another shot, this time subbed. What I can say is - I enjoy. It's fun. I guess my tastes have changed over the years too.

More Stuff

Moving (Again)

Seems like I do that a lot, but hopefully it'll actually stick now. Some unexpected problems rose in the current apartment I'm in. Nothing too serious (though it's only a matter of time) but the new place will be pretty big I think. I just hope I don't lose anything during the moving process again.

Fonts For Fun

Sometimes I also try my hand at typography, mostly recreating stuff I see, and this year I've made a few (and posted some older ones I had) fonts just for the fun of it (though they probably are useful)

You can check them out here.

Where's Part 3 Of Closing Logos Extended By Jukebox AI?

Not too long ago after releasing Part 2 of my intriguing Jukebox AI series, already some of the more "peculiar" logo-obsessed (presumably) children started to "predict" Part 3, some eben by just posting what will be on Part 3, conjuring up facts, classic Greeny Phatom style. Told that guy to wait until August.

...and I really wish I could keep such promises but I really just don't find the time and energy to put into those videos, not to mention the upsampling process that I still have to put some of the samples through. Though it's less time consuming now, there's still the entire editing and visuals part. I'm doing these videos completely for free, you know. Unless you're fine with something half-baked, be patient.

Also there will be more Jukebox AI videos in general, not just the logo ones, I hope you look forward to those too.

Donald Alves' Original Flash Website Is Now A Progressive Web App

Yeah. Did this just for fun. And to see what kind of stuff I can do with PWA features in general. It's still not a full "installable" web app, but it should work as its own thing on your phone no problem. Don't know who Donald Alves is? Well, this is one of those things that you just had to be there at the time, dude.

Conclusion

That was a big one! Hopefully next post will come before Christmas. Maybe before Brazil's presidential elections too... oh god I'm scared

Bitty's Message of the Day

I do not like beans.

[sirius-bizdness]

Here's my take on the mystery lyrics in BIG SHOT:

Fingers coming from the ends of the phone lines Hands waiting 'til you're all alone He pulls the strings and you make them ring Until you [part/heart] ____ with your cr☎dit c☎

Fingers coming from the ends of the phone lines Hands waiting 'til you're all alone He pulls the strings and pulls the strings and TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO

For explanations of how I got to these lines, see under the cut.

So I guess you want to know where my interpretations come from, then. Welcome to the madhouse, is all I can say. I will not hold back the details, except in the interest of avoiding offending anyone. In fact, to that end, please keep in mind: these are my opinions. They may or may not be borne out by the facts (in the case that the facts do eventually come to light). That said, I'm confident in most of these lines--and in the cases where I'm not, I'll let you know.

Some sourcing details

I listen to BIG SHOT directly from the game files. This is actually important, for reasons I'll discuss later.

My initial interpretation came directly from the original audio, but I was able to refine it with the help of some vocal isolations by introC and Floppi on YouTube:

introC's video (thanks to my brother E for sending us this one)

Floppi's video

However, these isolations seem to remove words here and there, so I can't rely on them exclusively.

How I see this section, structure-wise

The mystery vocal section has five unique lines: "fingers," "hands," and "strings" are repeated twice, followed by "credit card" the first time and "TELL ME" the second time.

A single echo follows the vocals both times through. The first time it's so short you'd miss it if you didn't know it was there; the second it's an entire half a line long, most noticeable as "pulls the strings and pulls the strings and" (I promise, that line actually does finish if you can listen through the echo--but I didn't even know that until I was writing this post today).

Now, without further ado:

Line #1: "fingers"

This first line was quite difficult to work out. Before the vocal isolations, I though it would be impossible to hear, let alone understand. That is, until I deciphered the gibberish at the end of the song.

See, the game version of BIG SHOT (only the game version, not the version sold on Bandcamp) has a sped-up tangle of speech right at the end, before it loops. You can slow this down and isolate the channels (literally equivalent to just taking off one of your headphones) to hear the cleanest vocals in the entire song--two phrases on the left, one on the right. And phrase #2 is unmistakably the same as line #2 "hands"--which means phrase #1 is most likely the same as line #1, which a simple listen (and later the isolations) can confirm.

My first interpretation of this line, based on the end phrases, was

Things are coming for me, just a boy

I really liked this interpretation, but on listening to the isolations I discovered that there were a few too many syllables between me and boy--turns out the end phrases actually drop a couple of syllables. In light of this, suddenly my siblings' interpretation made the most sense:

Things are coming from the ends of the phone line

The clearest place to hear this is in the end phrases, specifically on the right side, as the left side drops a few syllables. When this phrase happens in other places, my ears still refuse to hear the L in "line" as more than an audio glitch.

So where did "fingers" come from?

Well, listening to the isolations, I noticed that it wasn't actually saying "things are"--it was saying "thinggis." It took me a bit to find a real word with sounds close to that--but when I did, the lightbulb moment was so beautiful. Part of the reason I'm sold is because from the beginning, this next line always felt like it was missing a parallel first half...

Line #2: "hands"

This line has always been "hands" for me, even when I was first fighting Spamton NEO. Hands, hands like the man who speaks in them, hands like Susie explicitly calls out post-fight (with no textually-supported reason besides "I CAN MAKE MY HANDS INTO PHONES!"--btw does anyone else hear that in Phil Swift's voice?).

I've seen the line interpreted as "I can't explain until you're all alone." I really like how close that sounds to the actual audio, but I can't actually hear it--there's no "i." (Before you say it: "phone line" in the previous line has the wrong cadence. If it were "phone, I," you'd expect the pitches to flow together a little more smoothly, no?)

My first interpretation of this line, unisolated, was:

Hands dipped in dramaaaa!~

which does make some sense considering that Mettaton, but it doesn't seem like the Spam\Metta parallel is much of a reason to include this line here. (Even so, my ears still default to this interpretation when I listen to the non-isolated version.)

The end phrases (left ear only) include a copy of this line, but it's not very clear. Me & my sister had some takes on it which are frankly hilarious in hindsight:

Hands waiting to rumble

Hands twacing to the twouble

Hands swaying to the rhumba

Hands waving to the trombone

Once I heard the purpose-made isolations, though, there was no question: "Hands waiting 'til you're all alone."

Line #3: "strings"

This line is the easiest to decode--I heard about it from the DELTARUNE wiki, actually--because this line actually shows up in-game, as a bit of random Spamton NEO flavor text:

(image source)

However, that doesn't mean it's all cut and dried! The isolations still have some interesting tidbits to discover.

First of all: if you listen closely, it sounds like it could be "he pulls the strings." It could be "it," but personally, I definitely hear the "h" there at the beginning (and of course the "t" in "it" wouldn't come into play either way, because English sucks 😒). (*which I also think disproves Line #2 being "I can't explain...." You'd hear the "I" as clearly as the "he" right here.)

Secondly: you don't hear "makes them ring"--you hear "make them ring." Unless the vocalist suddenly went reggae for a moment, that means it must be "you make them ring" (and a listen bears this theory out). HMMMMMMM

So to reiterate: who pulls the strings? HE (or it, your choice). Who makes them ring? YOU.

Line #4: "credit card"

And now we've come to the line where I have no idea what it's saying. The isolations don't help--I'm almost certain they all drop a word in the middle, and the normal version's too muffled to make out. It could be a splickin' echoed word, for all I know!

The one thing I can say for certain: it definitely says "credit c" under the ringing phones (☎☎) at the end. I've heart it interpreted as "breaking up"--but it's clearly an "eh" sound in the first word, whereas "breaking" would have an "ay."

Listening to the normal version, it sounds like this line is "until you're online with your credit" (the "card" is too faint to make out except in the isolations). Pretty sure this is hearing ghost phonemes in the bitcrushing artifacts.

The isolations make it out as "until you part ____ with your credit card." (or "with your breadcard," but...the fricc???)

Line #5: "TELL ME"

Ohh, now this is a fun one. As far as I can tell, most people agree that the first half of the line is "TELL ME WHAT YOU." It's the second half that trips people up--the pitch falls, a second voice goes "Oh!" on top, and everything gets all muddled up. In fact, the isolations don't even recognize that there's a second layer of vocals under the "Oh!", even though it's definitely there.

I've heard it as "TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE REALLY SELLING." I've heard it as "TELL ME WHAT YOU BIG SHOT!" But from the beginning, I've heard "TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO!" and I continue to hear it to this day.

I won't try to prove it's correct--the world does not need more slamming of other people's opinions. Heck, I might've already gone overboard in the other four lines. But if I didn't, I certainly would've done so in this analysis--several times over, in fact. As I see it, we're all closer on this line than on any of the others--why not just celebrate that much? :)

Still. See if you can hear "BEEN LISTENING TO."

Conclusion

I mean, really I don't have one.....

Anyone knows introC or Floppi, see if you can get'm to redo their isolations with lower pitch windows or whatever, I dunno how isolations work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All I know is, there's words we're not hearing*--and they're all lower-pitched than the words around them. If we could get those into the isolations, we could potentially crack the code once and for all.

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 3/5

"Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Ryuji grips the letter like it was silver and he was a werewolf in the full moon.

He picks it up, skims over the first line before putting it down beside him, feeling worse every time he does it, only able to read the fine-printed lettering from the flickering lamp post above him. The constant change in light would normally bug him, but he doesn’t really care about it now; it’s not like the words would change in his hand, and he’s long since needed to actually read it to know what it reads.

His feet dangle over the canal, enjoying the way a rush of adrenaline would go through him when he looks down into the deep waters. It’s late enough in the night that even with the city lights around him, he can’t gauge how deep it goes.

Soseikawa Park was only a five minute walk from Odori Park, but with the narrow river and steeped hills, Ryuji found it secluded enough to let himself sit. Breathe. Not exist, even for just a few minutes. It’s like having his own bedroom, except it smells faintly like a sewer and there’s an intersection about ten meters above where he sat underneath the overpass. If he can ignore the never-ending rumble of cars and trucks driving above him, it can almost be considered peaceful.

He lets himself fall back, the grass tickling the back of his neck and his spine screaming in relief. They’re heading out again in two days, which means more days of being in an inescapable RV surrounded by his best friends who are keeping an eye on him because they’re good people who don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.

Idly, he lets his hands pull and brings it to his face—blades of grass. He lets it get taken by the wind. After brief consideration, he shoves the letter back into his pocket before he can do the same thing to it.

He is so tired.

Blindly, he hits the vague area of where his pocket is and fishes out his phone, hitting the first speed dial before he can talk himself out of it. As two rings go by, he stupidly hopes that she doesn’t pick up, as if she hasn’t ever missed a phone call from him even when she’s at work.

The third ring gets cut off halfway through. “Ryu!”

Despite himself, he grins. “Hey, ma. Checking in for the weekly call.”

“I was just thinking about you,” she says, and he can hear the laundry machine run in the background. “I was wondering if you had eaten today.”

“Ma, you ain’t gotta worry about that kinda thing anymore. I’m a big boy now.”

“You’re breaking my heart!” He can almost see her, phone tucked in the crook of her neck, work-worn hands folding her laundry as fast as she can so as to not hold up the next person in line. “It doesn’t matter how big you are, you’re my boy. How can I not think about whether my boy is eating or not?”

“All I’ve done on this trip is eat, ma.”

“Oh, and Akira! How’s that handsome boy doing? Still taking the world by storm?”

That pulls a genuine laugh from him—he never needs to hold back when it comes to talking about Akira, at least. “You know it. He’s the only guy in the world who can stand toe-to-toe with me in chowing down. I swear, he’s slipping some of it under the table ‘cause he’s so damn fast. Forty seconds! Forty seconds to inhale an extra large beef bowl! Blows my mind, seriously.”

“Could never do anything in halves, can he?” she chuckles, before the quality of her voice shifts. “And are you enjoying yourself?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, of course. It’s a roadtrip across Japan, how can I not?”

“Good.” There’s some crackling over the receiver, and he guesses she’s probably adjusting the basket full of clothes on her hip. “That’s all I want to hear. As long as you’re happy, Ryu, I’m a happy old woman.”

Ryuji opens his mouth, ready to console her.

I’m always happy!

You worry too much, ma.

There’s nothing to worry about.

“Sorry, but,” he swallows thickly. “I think they’re calling for me? So—”

“Alright,” she says, and he might be imagining the disappointed tinge to it. “Call back when you can, okay sweetheart? I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he clears his throat. “I love you, ma.”

“I love you too, Ryu.”

He hangs up, letting the phone slip out of his fingers. It lands hard on the flat grass

For a long moment, he just lays there, listening to the gentle lapping waves and cars honking with impatience of people who have somewhere to be. He tries to meditate for half a minute, with all the information he had learned from a couple of YouTube videos, and gives up, because of course he does. Squeezing his eyes shut, he can’t do anything about the creeping dread that’s in his stomach getting stronger, squeezing and squeezing until he feels sick. It’s like his insecurities are having this huge fight against each other, feeding off of one another until it gets too big for him to handle and all he can do is breathe and try to do something about it.

And he’s fucking sick of it—breathing. He’s sick of the stupid breathing techniques, sick of counting down from ten and waiting for his own heart to chill out because his brain won’t stop reminding him of everything he did wrong, of shit he’s still doing wrong because at least this way, nobody knows what he did was wrong. It’s just him that can point and laugh at himself, and that’s way better than having the world do it for him.

He doesn’t cry, because he’s not a crier. He’s the type of guy to throw a fist through drywood before shedding a tear, and he hates that about himself. Rather than do something that will actually help, Ryuji lays there, perfectly still. Listening. Waiting for a meteor to fall on him, or for the overpass to crash its entire weight on top of him.

Instead, he hears footsteps.

His heart rate slows by a fraction, and opens his eyes to meet gray ones. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Akira says, a smile in his voice. “How did you know it was me?”

Ryuji almost feels offended. He would know Akira by sound alone, the way his heels would click in the Metaverse. The way the balls of his feet would strike the earth, hardly muffled by grass or cheap sneakers or anything else as trivial. Ryuji would know he was there; no matter how blind he was with hatred for himself, his love for Akira would always guide him back to where he needs to be.

“Lucky guess.”

“One hell of a guess.” He plops down onto the grass and Ryuji lifts his head, allowing Akira to wiggle until he could use his lap as a pillow. “Your turn,” Akira says.

“My turn to what?”

“To ask me how I knew where you were.”

“Oh.” He lets his eyes slide shut again. “I kinda just assumed you could do that.”

“You assume too much of me sometimes.”

“I assume the right amount.” Ryuji refuses to shiver when he feels long fingers start to card through his hair. “You’re giving me goosebumps,” he sighs.

“That’s a good thing, I think.” The fingers pull away and he’s about to complain when he feels something gets thrown over his torso. “Here. You always end up forgetting to wear an extra layer when you go out like this.”

Ryuji rearranges Akira’s jacket over himself. “Sap.”

“You know it.” He resumes combing through his hair, and Ryuji lets himself relax, just a little. It’s strange—it’s hard as hell being around other people nowadays, and even though Akira can make him feel that sometimes, mostly it helps the eternal twisting of his stomach to settle.

“You’re good at that,” Ryuji mutters.

“Thank you. I’ve had plenty of practice with Morgana.” And just to make it worse, he uses a little bit of nail on his nape, sending electricity running down all the way to his fingertips.

His mouth twists unhappily. “Don’t do shit like that while talking about the cat, for the love of god.”

Akira does it again, like the little shit he is. “You still have that weird thing with your neck?”

“Quit it!” Ryuji slaps his thigh and he can’t muster much anger when he can feel Akira’s shoulders shake from silent laughter. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“You’re right.” Gently, softly, like the world’s lightest feather, he feels lips brush his temple. “I’m funnier.”

His eyes open, and his entire vision is obscured by curly black hair and tender eyes. “You’re right,” he breathes. “You’re funnier.”

Akira bends down again, and Ryuji catches his lips, overflowing with something soft but unafraid, and it’s so good that Ryuji reaches for his cheek just to make it last a little bit longer.

When they break off, Akira kisses his temple again, this time on the left side. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Uh,” he scratches his head, brain a little fuzzy. “Tuesday?”

“It’s Wednesday, and I meant the date. It’s August tenth.”

“Okay?”

Akira thumbs at his collarbone. “I know this might be a little lame that I know it by heart, but I left Tokyo on March 19th. That would mean it’s been—”

“One hundred forty-four days since you moved away,” he finishes. “I know.”

Akira blinks, and then laughs, and Ryuji knows it’s an especially good one because sound actually comes out this time. “Yes,” he says, elated. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“I told you dude, we’re really on that telepathy shit.”

“We really are.” A pause. “I miss you.”

He’s about to joke—I’m right here, you big dummy—but find that he just can’t. “I miss you too.”

They can’t say what they mean: I will miss you. Summer vacation doesn’t last forever, and two months will always be a hell of a lot shorter than the rest of the ten months that they’ll be apart. Somehow, he dreads seeing Akira gone, and he’ll dread seeing Akira back in Tokyo because it would mean that he’d actually have to see what Ryuji’s really like. Actively pushing away his best friend just so he doesn’t have to see his failures; doesn’t that just make him the worst piece of shit in the world?

There’s a gap, though. A little loophole. A crack in the timeline. A place where maybe he’s allowed to be a hollowed out version of happy; the now.

“Tomorrow’s our last day in Sapporo?”

“Yeah?” Akira replies, surprised at the change in tone.

“Which means Jail stuff is done, right? All your grocery shopping and Sophia Prime’s been ordered and packed up?”

“Yes,” he says, a lilt in his voice. “It’s all done.”

Ryuji sits up and faces him, reaching for his wrists, relishing in the heartbeat thumping against his palms. “Let’s do something. I don’t care what, but let’s do something. Eat at a diner, go to a museum, rob a bank, whatever.” He runs his thumb along the veins there, long since those bumps have been ingrained in his brain. “Let’s do something, just you and me.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Sakamoto?” He has a cocky look in his eye, and Ryuji’s half-tempted to kiss him again just to wipe it clean off his face. “You know I’d follow you anywhere.”

He knows. That’s the scary part. Would Akira still follow someone he doesn’t know as well as he thinks he does? “I’ll get us lost,” he jokes.

Akira doesn’t laugh. “I’d rather be lost with you than learn to lose you.”

It’s been ages since he’s been flustered at anything Akira does, but he feels a rush of heat crawl up his neck. “I’ll—” Ryuji shakes his head, willing his embarrassment to go away. “Shit, uh—”

“I’ll pick where to go,” he interrupts, a little too smug for his liking. “I’d say I’ll pick you up at your place, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a comedian,” Ryuji rolls his eyes. “I’ll be ready whenever.”

“Fantastic.” Akira checks his phone, wincing. “It’s late.”

He grips his wrist tightly. “I know.”

Thankfully, he’s never needed to explain much to Akira. “Okay,” he says softly. “Ten more minutes?”

“Yeah.” He lets his eyes slide shut once more, letting out a breath. The world will keep spinning. His stomach will keep twisting. Time will keep marching on, but at least he has this. “Ten minutes sounds good.”

—

The first words that Futaba says as she enters the RV was: “Oh, hell.”

“Hello Futaba-chan, Yusuke-kun,” Haru greets cheerfully from the booth. “How was your shopping trip?”

“...Fine,” she replies, stepping aside to let him in, lugging a four-foot tall canvas in his arms that accidentally hits the ceiling. “Got a new Featherman action figure.”

“I got a canvas,” Yusuke answers from behind the wall of white. “Though I assume you can see that.”

“I can.” Her smile doesn’t falter, and it’s making the hair on Futaba’s nape rise like a nervous animal. “Quick question, since you both are here…”

Haru pulls a tote bag from underneath the table, and it’s so heavy that when she throws it on the table, her teacup nearly topples over. “Would you like to take a guess of what’s in this bag?”

A billion jokes pop into Futaba’s head, but both of them stay silent, terrified and confused. They both knew this was coming, but they didn’t expect her to be so forward about it.

“I suppose that’s a pretty strange question, I’m sorry. Let me try again.” She reaches in and pulls out thick, heavy textbooks, all brightly coloured and consist of beaming, diverse students on the front cover. “Care to tell me why you were both looking at cram books while we’re on our fun roadtrip?”

Yusuke pushes Futaba aside, eyes on the books and wide with shock. “You bought them?!” he exclaims.

“Wait—” Futaba hops repeatedly, trying to catch a glimpse from over his shoulder. “You bought all of them?”

“Of course.”

“But why?”

She thinks about it for a moment. “Hmm, think about it this way. If Akira’s in charge of the group as a whole, and Makoto’s in charge of the more analytical aspect of things, think of me as a somewhat stern yet loving parent who doesn’t quite know how to mind their own business.”

“I thought that was Ann’s job,” Futaba mutters, heart hammering in her chest.

“Now,” Haru leans forward, and as if to prove her role, speaks in a gentle tone. “I’m not mad at you. That would be ridiculous. But I saw you two looking at these books, and I know how expensive they can be, so I’ll give them to you.”

She blinks. “You would?”

“Absolutely!” Haru smiles wide. “On the condition that you tell me why you need them.”

Futaba and Yusuke exchange a glance, before Futaba makes a T with her hands. “Timeout!” she yells, dragging Yusuke by the collar out of the RV.

“What do we do?” he whispers once the door is shut. “It’s not as if we can tell her.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should?” she pushes up her glasses. “Damn, the things money can buy you. Our vow of silence is getting thrown out the window for two handfuls of yen.”

He looks her dead in the eyes. “I would tell the world my deepest secrets if it meant having lifetime access to a grocery store.”

“Don’t say that, you sellout!”

“I’m not selling out. My art already reveals the deepest portion of my soul, it’s not my fault that the common observers cannot pick up what I’m putting down.” He squints against the setting sun. “She’s waiting. What do we do?”

“Okay, okay, okay, just let me—” her mind whirrs rapidly, and for a second she really feels like Sophia. “Give me a second.”

“I have a suggestion,” he points at her. “If we’re not averse to lying, let’s tell them that you need them for school. You’re struggling with academics, you need a bit of outside help, so we took a look at the textbooks.”

“Good idea! Wait.” She frowns. “They’ll never buy it. Let’s say that you need them.”

“I’m at the top of my class!”

“But they don’t know that!” She balls her fists together, determined. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“I didn’t say yes to this.”

Futaba kicks the door open, making Haru pause wiping her spilt drink mid-stroke. “Inari’s struggling with his classes!”

“I—“ Yusuke stammers. “Yes,” he confirms. “I’m struggling with my classes. They’re mighty indeed, and even I find them difficult. I am...struggling.”

Haru looks at them doubtfully. “Yusuke is?”

“I am,” he answers as Futaba says, “He is.”

“Yusuke,” she repeats, gesturing to the neatly-stacked pile of textbooks on the table. “Is struggling with precalculus?”

They stare at her. “Yes,” Yusuke says, slowly. “I am struggling with previous calculus.”

“Out of curiosity, Yusuke,” Haru scratches her cheek. “Do you know what a parabola is?”

“Of course I do,” he replies with the wisdom of a thousand monks. “It’s a self-contradictory statement.”

“That’s a paradox,” Makoto corrects from the steering wheel.

“What the heck?” Futaba jumps a foot in the air. “Why are you here? Why were you hiding?”

“I like to sit here a few hours before we start another road trip,” she says, before glaring at them. “You two. Does this have to do with Ryuji?”

“T-timeout!”

Futaba makes a beeline to the door again, but Haru’s faster. She slips past them, standing in their way, perfect smile still in place. Sometimes Futaba forgets how strong she is in negotiations; her and Yusuke were probably tutorial levels compared to the upper management of Okumura Foods. “Answer her question, please.”

Yusuke sighs, tired. “You know what you’re asking for, don’t you? If we tell you what’s happening here, it would be breaking the trust of one of our teammates.”

“Yusuke!” Futaba hisses. “Are you really thinking about telling them? It’s not even our secret to tell.”

“No, it isn’t.” He makes eye contact with Makoto. “But she made a point. What would make us better friends: if we kept a secret to the grave while letting him suffer, or tell someone who can help even if it means being some sort of tattletale?”

“But…” she trails off, resolve crumbling. “Dude. It’s going to suck so much.”

“I know.” He pats her head, before moving to Ryuji’s backpack once more. “Don’t worry, I’m willing to take his anger if need be.” Yusuke gestures to the booth. “Everyone, take a seat. It’s about time this finally gets cleared up.”

Smoothing out the envelope in his hand, even more crumpled than when they had it last, he clears his throat, takes one last glance at Futaba to make sure. At her tentative nod, he begins to read its contents in a loud, clear voice.

When he finishes, they sit there, staring at the thick paper in silence.

“Oh my god,” Makoto breathes. “I knew it was bad, but—”

Haru shakes her head. “Not this bad. And he talked about it so much, but we didn’t even…” she glances down at the textbooks, idly rubbing its spine. “I didn’t think much of it.”

“None of us did,” Yusuke says. “But does that make it any better?”

They fall in silence again, but Futaba can hear the answer loud and clear. Hell no.

The door opens forcefully, pulling them out of their stupor.

“What’s up, my beloved friends!” Ann calls, shopping bags in tow. “God, I’m gonna miss Sapporo. Things here are so cheap compared to Tokyo, sheesh!” She sets them down, laughing when nobody says anything. “Jeez, what’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“Ann-chan,” Haru says carefully, all sense of cheer, for intimidation or otherwise, gone. “Take a seat. There’s something you should know.”

—

The Ferris wheel looms over them, blocking out most of the sunset behind it. “Nice,” Ryuji grins appreciatively. “I should’ve seen this one coming.”

“You should’ve,” Akira agrees, tugging him into the open carriage. He goes in willingly. “It was staring at you the whole time we’re in Sapporo. And besides, every romantic movie has a Ferris wheel scene, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah? Name one.”

“Death note.”

Ryuji makes a face, and Akira laughs. “Yeah, I know. Bad example.”

It’s a tight squeeze but they sit next to each other, ignoring the bench in front of them. The seats are hot, and even though it’s nearly evening, the heat barely eases up on them. Still, he finds himself pressing himself against Akira. He runs cold, much colder than Ryuji; narrow wrists are ice, prominent collarbones frost.

The two of them lean over the window, pointing out random scenery as if it were the first time they were seeing them. Restaurants, statues. Weird looking cars and flower beds. Decorated high rises and insects that fly by. It’s like they were tourists, or a retired couple who just want to travel the world. He’s never wanted to be old before, but Akira always has a way of making him change his mind.

Like clockwork—Ryuji makes a joke. Akira laughs. His heart feels lighter.

When he finds himself leaning against him, feet up on the bench, Akira wraps his arms around his shoulders unhesitatingly. Ryuji wonders if he can hear the way his heart thuds inside his bones. He wonders if he knows it's for him. The Ferris wheel stops, right at the very top, gently swaying like it were a giant cradle. They’re not very high up, but it’s far enough that he feels like he’s left the entire world behind.

Ryuji presses his lips against those wrists, relishing in the way he can feel the heartbeat increase. “You nervous?”

He can feel his head shake behind him. “I’m happy, I think,” Akira says in a hushed voice, like it was a secret, like it was a sin.

A breeze flows through, and Ryuji closes his eyes when lips press against just below his ear.

Would it be worth it to have a Palace? A Jail? Would it be worth it to lose himself, just to be in this moment for the rest of time?

Carefully, he flips himself sideways, just so he can press more of himself against Akira. The carriage rocks gently, and the metal bench underneath them is sharp and uncomfortable. Arms tighten around him. Chest to back, knee to knee, they couldn’t be closer, but Ryuji leans back, wanting nothing more than to bottle the rhythm of his breathing and the smell of his soap.

I’m happy, too, I think, he wants to say. If we stayed like this for the rest of our lives, until our skin is permanently tattooed into the hot steel and our bones are the only thing they take out of this bench because the rest of us had already rotted, then I’d be pretty damn happy.

Craning his neck backwards, Akira is already staring.

Then he’s kissing him—once, twice, again and again, and Ryuji realizes that something’s different. This wasn’t the kind of kiss he was used to. There was a desperate air to it, an urgent edge from both of them that neither was ready for. Stealing each other’s breath and giving it back; the cycle continues, the clock keeps ticking.

Ryuji pulls himself up, not breaking the kiss, cupping his cheek and soaking him in like a flower to the sun; an endless yearning, like he’d shrivel up and suffocate if it vanished. The sun framed Akira, and for a split second, he feels like he understands what Yusuke sees on a canvas.

When they part, foreheads leaning against each other, Ryuji lifts a trembling hand to wipe the tear that rolled down Akira’s cheek.

“What’s up?” he asks softly. “Is something wrong?”

“I feel like you’re a miracle, Ryuji.”

How do you respond to that? When the person who said it feels like they’re the one who’s magic, who’s too good to be true?

“Fuck miracles,” he says, pulling Akira in again.

—

The circuit felt like it ended too soon, but it’s night when they finally stepped off, holding hands and faces flushed. He hopes the ride operator doesn’t hate them, but he’s in too good of a mood to really complain.

Ryuji stops in his tracks when he sees who’s in front of them.

“Ann?” Akira questions, taken aback. Eyes dark and brows pulled close together, clutching her purse like a weapon of war—she looks like she’d just seen someone set an orphanage on fire.

Her voice is shockingly deep, gaze fixed on Ryuji. “I’m borrowing him for a second.”

Before either of them can say anything, Ann takes him by the bicep, and he can only glance at Akira before he’s dragged back into the Ferris wheel.

“Did you even pay—?”

“Don’t start,” she hisses, pushing him on the bench, hard. “Don’t you dare start, you damn liar.”

His blood runs cold. “What?”

No. That’s impossible.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” She shoves her hand in her bag and throws something rubber at him. “Do you know how long it took me to find a good one here? I spent my entire day in the shopping district—not looking for clothes, or shoes, or whatever the hell I thought would be fun. No, I spent our last day in Sapporo looking for that.”

Ryuji looks down at the hot compress in his hands, a lump in his throat.

“Because you weren’t doing anything to your knee,” she continues, jaw tight. “Despite me trying my best to help you get better. I thought that you must’ve been really fan-freaking-tastic at hiding the pain that you told me about. That I trusted was the truth because you’re one of my best friends and I trust you. I trust you with my life, my secrets—” Ann grits her teeth. “What the hell?”

“How did you find out?” he asks hoarsely.

She knows. If she knows, they could know. If they could know—

“Damn you, it doesn’t matter how I found out!” she throws her hands in the air, voice so hurt that it twists his insides impossibly tighter. “You think I would care? You think that this is important enough to lie to me about? Dammit, I don’t care that you—”

“Don’t say it,” he begs. “Please.”

“I don’t give a single shit that you failed second-year, Sakamoto!”

Her words ring against the steel walls, deafening.

Bile crawls up his esophagus, and he readies himself for another attack. But for some strange reason, his vision doesn’t blur. Instead, anger kicks in like it always does.

“You don’t care?” he asks, incredulous. “This doesn’t even have anything to do with you!”

“It does when you lie to me about it!” she yells back. “Do you not care about me? About your friends who would go to hell and back for you?”

“How dare you—!”

“You lied to me, you hid it from everyone else, you ignored our advice because it doesn’t mean shit to you.” She points a finger at him. “And look where that got you.”

“Shut up.”

“We all noticed, you know! Each and every one of us noticed that something was up, even the literal robot—”

“Shut the hell up, Ann.”

“And for what? All you accomplished was hurt our feelings, hold in yours, and keep it from the love of your life—”

Ryuji stands up, rocking the carriage and nearly toppling Ann off her feet.

“It’s because I fucking hate myself!”

She grips the barred window, eyes wide. They stare each other down for a few long moments, before the ride comes to an abrupt end. The door swings open, allowing a cheery greeting from the oblivious employee.

And then Ann sighs, shoulders deflating. “Come on,” she jerks her head to the door, before stepping out herself. “Let’s go.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled. “Where?”

“If we’re going to delve into the psyche of Sakamoto Ryuji, we might as well do it with some food in front of us.”

—

The cafe Ann takes him to is bright, filled with pastries and crowded with people—stools are pastel blue, baristas are wearing cute bowties, and each cup of coffee comes with an alarming amount of whipped cream on top. Sojiro would have a heart attack if he walked three kilometers of this place, but Ryuji’s glad that the resemblance is far and away than that of Leblanc.

The booth is pressed into the corner of it all; up against the window and far enough from the main bustle that they’d have to really put their all into it if they wanted to take their order. On one side sat Futaba, nervously tracing shapes on the window while Haru sits beside her. The opposite end has Yusuke and Makoto.

They all look up when they hear the bell chime, and Ryuji almost laughs. “It’s been a long ass time since I’ve seen you guys look so serious,” he remarks, sliding next to Makoto while Ann sits next to Haru. “Where’s the food at? Come on guys, food’s good for you.”

He raises a hand. “Excuse me! We’re ready!”

“Ryuji,” Futaba’s voice is brittle. “I—”

“Hold on shorty,” he reaches to pat her head, voice coming out soft. “We’ll get to that. I promise.”

A waiter comes, takes their drink order, and leaves. When he does, Yusuke places a heavy hand on the table. “I was the one who told everyone.”

“That’s not true!” Futaba cries out, and everyone jerks back in shock. “That’s bull! I’m the one who told him to go through your stuff ‘cause he was worried about you, but I’m the one who actually—”

“No, I’m the one at fault here,” Haru casts her gaze downwards. “It was really none of my business, but I forced these two to tell everyone here. I’m so sorry—”

Ryuji sighs. “Guys, it’s fine.” He’s met with an incredulous look. “Okay, it isn’t, but none of this is your fault, you know? I’m not mad.” His gaze shifts to Ann. “But you’re allowed to be mad at me. I know I shouldn’t have hidden it.”

She gives him a weighted look. “Then why did you do it?”

“Ann,” Makoto warns.

“No, I’m not budging on this.” She leans forward. “He lied to me. Lying doesn’t get you anywhere good. That was really stupid of you.”

“Ann!” Futaba cuts in, horrified.

“You’ve seen what happened with Shiho.” Ryuji flinches back like he’s been hit. He knows. Ann knows he knows. But she keeps going anyway. “She lied to me about what was happening, and I lied to her back. It kept going and going, and—” she snaps her fingers. “She’s gone from my life. For how long? I don’t know, maybe until we graduate. Maybe until her rehab ends. Maybe longer. Who knows? All I know is if we had just—talked, or—” Ann shakes her head, frustrated. “From the start. Tell us what happened. And afterwards, let us help you, or I swear to god I’m going to cry, and I know you can’t stand it when people cry.”

The silence is deafening, even with the clamor of people and voices around them.

Ryuji lets out a breath. “Yeah, alright.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You will?”

“I will,” he repeats, idly checking his pulse. Heart rate is a little quick, but in no danger of having another breakdown. “I’ll tell you everything.”

The waiter chooses that time to drop off their drinks; all cold except Haru, nursing a hot cup of tea. They definitely didn’t buy enough to justify the god-knows-how-long they’re going to spend here, but they’re just gonna have to suck it up.

“Alright,” he starts when they’re alone again. “We going from the start?”

“The very beginning,” Ann confirms.

With one last glance at his friends, he sighs, sits up straight, and flashes them the biggest grin he can muster:

“Hi,” he greets. “I’m Sakamoto Ryuji, and I failed my second-year of high school.”

No one’s expression shifts, not even an inch. He can’t help but be a little impressed. “You guys know that I’ve never been the greatest with books. Shit, screw greatest—I’ve ranked bottom five ever since I started middle school. Didn’t help that my leg got fucked to high heaven and everyone started hating me. Nearly dropped out a couple times. Had no one, really. Worst time in my life, hands down.

“So imagine this dumb little kid, middle of April, running into this guy.” Without meaning to, the grin shifts into something more genuine. “Good-looking dude, super smart, real charmer but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by lookin’ at him. And that guy saved my life. Ten, twenty, thirty times over. He was so great that the dumb kid obviously fell in love with him. But what’s even crazier is that the guy fell in love with the dumb little kid, too.

“Crazy, right? Sounds made up, but I promise it’s true.” He catches Futaba’s expression shift to exasperation. “I know, I can’t believe it either.”

“That’s not what I meant, you sap,” she says.

“Yeah, but that dumb little kid,” he explains. “Couldn’t believe it. Literally couldn’t believe it. Thinks that he struck the lottery, struck by damn lightning. I mean—” Ryuji laughs a little. “How can someone so amazing and cool be in love with such a moron? What made it worse…”

He gestures at all of them. “Was that the guy had so many people in his life who was also amazing. His social circle was made up of, and correct me if I’m wrong: a successful journalist, a politician, some dude from the mob, a random child who breaks gaming records on the daily, and I’m not even counting people from this goddamn table. So dumb little kid knows, he fucking knows that somehow, someway, he tricked the cool guy into falling in love with him. The kid sucked, no, sucks,” he corrects. “At everything. Can’t do anything worthwhile.”

“Ryuji…” Haru whispers.

“Almost done, I know it’s running on kinda long,” he promises. “So the dumb little kid became kinda obsessed with the group’s ‘activities’, and it’s obvious why he would, right? If he knows he’s not good enough for the guy he’s in love with, then he can at least try to be. But since he already sucked at school to begin with, dummy over here completely bailed on school and ended up flunking so bad that he failed an entire year.”

An entire year. An entire year.

It’s becoming harder and harder to breathe, but he’d rather get hit by a truck than lose it in front of so many people. Gritting his teeth, he does what he knows is bad, what every google search and YouTube video says you should not do—he pushes his feelings, far and hard away from himself, so far that it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

It works surprisingly well.

“And, uh—” Ryuji clears his throat. “He hid it. Because you know the one, single thing that’s worse than realizing you’re not good enough for the other person?”

No one answers. “Waiting for the day that they realize that you’re not good enough for them.”

“And that’s pretty much the bulk of it.” Reaching for his mug, he takes a sip of his lukewarm lemonade. Damn, he really did talk for a while. “I didn’t want to tell the rest of you because one, it’s really fucking embarrassing that I failed, and two—”

“Akira can’t know,” they all say in unison.

“Exactly, you guys get the point by now.” He drums his fingers against the table, trying to ignore the blatant gloom cast on all of their faces. “Question time starts now, if anyone wants to ask anything.”

Makoto opens her mouth, but he beats her to it. “If anyone even thinks about feeling pity, or be all ‘no, you’re smart actually!’, I am walking out of this cafe and I am not looking back.”

“What about summer school?” Makoto asks immediately. “If you didn’t want us to know, then you could’ve taken that without even telling us.”

“Summer school was never an option.”

“And why not?” she slaps her hand against the table. “It would’ve solved this entire situation!”

“Because Akira was coming home for the summer,” he says simply. “And I wanted to enjoy my time with him without this hanging over my head.”

Her jaw drops open. “But...that’s…”

“Stupid?” he offers. “Idiotic? Really dumb? Potentially throwing away my entire future? Yeah, I gotcha. Another part of it was that the thought of staying at Shujin for another minute makes me want to jump into traffic, if that helps make me look a little better in your mind, miss prez.”

Makoto’s expression of confusion freezes, taken aback by the harshness of his words. Ryuji cringes at himself. “Sorry.”

“No,” she says finally. “The fault is mine. I have no right to judge your actions, or to pretend I know what kind of stress is burdening you.” Hesitating, she asks, “May I request another question?”

“Shoot.”

“What were you going to do when we eventually go back to Tokyo?”

As expected of someone who went head-to-head against the ace detective in front of the entire school; her questions are brutal. “I don’t know, honestly. I was planning on ignoring the problem for now and just sort of,” he gestures vaguely. “Enjoy the summertime sun?”

“A moment,” Haru goes through her bag. “It’s a long story, but I have these—”

The second the books peek out of her tote, he recognizes the cover immediately. “Cram books? You bought some?”

“Yes!” she answers, mistaking his reaction for eagerness. “It’s a very small gesture, but I’d love for you to have them.”

“I—” he leans away from them, breath catching in his throat. “No.”

“No?” she blinks.

“Not now, senpai.” Trying out his new trick again, he forces his heart to slow down, forces his breathing to regulate again without any of the techniques, and forces himself not to feel any of the fear that he’d normally have to go through. It works, but barely. “I’m not—I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that yet.”

“That’s fine.” Haru puts them away, and as hard as he tries, he can still see how dejected she was. “I’ll hold on to them for you.”

“Thank you.” He glances around. “Any last takers? Q&A is almost up.”

“I have one,” Yusuke pipes up.

“Go for it.”

“How are you?” he asks genuinely.

Ryuji can’t help it—a laugh gets pulled out of him. “How am I?” he repeats.

“Yes. How are you?”

“Uh,” he laughs again. “Not good, man. Not good.”

Everyone startles when Ryuji stands abruptly. He slams down the rest of his lemonade, relieved at how it helps his parched throat. “Alrighty, that took a lot out of me! Let’s get out of here, I’m sick of being surrounded by fake coffee and poser cafe fanatics.”

“I’ll take care of the bill,” Haru says, following his lead and scooting out from the booth.

“What? No, come on. I don’t care how rich you are, at least let me pay half.”

“Ryuji.” She looks him dead in the eye. “I’ll take care of the bill.”

“...Yes ma’am.”

Slowly, they all start filing out, some exiting the cafe while Makoto goes to the till with Haru. Ryuji reaches for Ann’s elbow before she can leave. “Hey.”

Turning her head, it’s as if her lips were permanently stitched downwards. “Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry I lied to you,” he says, somber. “That was shitty, and it doesn’t matter what I’m going through—you can’t deal with lies. I get that. I won’t put you through that again.”

Ann kisses her palm before slapping it against his forehead. “You better not,” her voice drips in affection. “You said not to console you—”

“I did, and I meant it.”

“But I’m here for you,” she rubs his skin harder, and he winces at the chafing. “You know that, right? No matter how crazy the shit inside your head gets, I want you to talk to me.”

“I know it,” he says, not just because he wants the friction to ease up. “I know it now, for sure.”

“Good.” Ann releases him, and goes to join Haru and Makoto up front. “You might want to head out. Someone’s starting to make a fuss.”

“What?” he turns around, making direct eye contact with Futaba, nursing a blank expression on her face. “I see.”

The bell chimes once more when he steps out, relieved at the cool summer air that hits him. “Shorty,” he says in lieu of a greeting. “What’s good?”

“Here.” Ryuji glances down at her, who’s holding a familiar, now very-crumpled envelope between her fingers. It’s weird seeing her hold the letter announcing his failure like a bomb, but he understands the sentiment. “I had to show Ann because she wouldn’t believe me until I got some proof.”

“Thank you,” he says, shoving it in his pocket. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”

“I know you’re not.” She swallows and stares down at her shoes. Her laces were covered in little beads and stars, something he had bought for her during a weekend hangout once. “This isn’t me pitying you, or showering you with some kind of boohoo potion.”

She swallows again. “I failed my first year of high school. It was for a completely different reason—guilt for who I thought I killed rather than wanting to be something else. But I know. I know so much about what you’re going through.”

Futaba looks up, and his heart wrenches when he sees the tears in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry if I made you sad, or that I kept calling you stupid back then,” she sobs. “I don’t mean it, and I’m so mean to you all of the time but I don’t mean any of it. I told everyone your secret because I wanted to—” she hiccups, and she pushes her glasses to the top of her head. “I wanted to give you your own version of what the Phantom Thieves did for me, but I reached out to you guys back then. No one forced me to do anything, but I took that choice away from you.”

He pulls her in his arms, and her tears are hot even through his shirt. “I know, Futaba,” he says, patting her head. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

She hits his chest weakly. “Me taking care of you?” she sniffs. “I’m literally the one crying right now.”

“Just for now though,” he shrugs. “Next time I cry, you’ll be the one handing me tissues, I swear.”

They stand there, the two of them standing in the middle of Sapporo while people give them weird looks—Futaba, unable to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, and Ryuji, refusing to ever let his emotions make things worse for everyone else again.

—

When they get back to the RV, each of them emotionally exhausted, Ryuji goes to kiss the top of Akira’s head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Akira looks up from his card game with Morgana and Sophia. “You look like you had a wild night. Ann take you all somewhere fun?”

“Totally,” he says, sliding the letter back in his backpack. “Best night ever.”

“Take me next time. Sophia’s kicking our ass.”

“She is not!” Morgana denies, tail swishing. “Just a little,” he relents.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Ryuji announces, hiking his backpack on his shoulders and heading out, before running into Ann outside.

“Oh my god,” she says, disturbed. “He really, really doesn’t know.”

“Yup,” he moves past her. “And we’re keeping it that way.”

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Sound Proof

okay so this fic was from Wattpad and I found it in my google docs so I’m just gonna upload it here for ya’ll lol. I didn’t tag, I wrote this a while ago let me know what ya’ll think!!!

Warnings: Smut.

With dancing, came immense concentration and a lot of cardio.

That was all okay for Damara. She wore her silk pressed hair back into a pony, simple Polo Ralph Lauren hat on to keep her edges slicked back, high waist thin grey leggings, all white cropped tank, and matching white Vans. Damara held onto the aluminum double bar Ballet barre, studying her glistening reflection within the wall mirrors that covered every single area from floor to ceiling. 

Her chest rose and fell, right hand coming up to rub sweat off the tip of her nose. She had thirty minutes down, only twenty more to go. Being a pro dancer was fun when you posted tutorials on Instagram and YouTube, but when it came down to touring internationally and getting a chance to perform at Coachella, dance became a full time job.

Damara stares down at her version three iWatch, allowing herself to become consumed with the breathing app. She watched it expand with every breath, then declined whenever she exhaled. After her breathing returned to normal, Damara pulled up her iTunes playlist again, choosing to go sensual with a little bit of flash dance routine.

The instrumental to Kendrick Lamar- Love.

This song was always a warm up for her because it got her ‘in the mood’. She could feel the want and need behind the beat and his words. Damara snakes her hands up her frame, sliding slowly from the cuff of her ass, to her lower back, and lightly up and over her shoulders, forearms pressing into her large D cup breasts. 

One thing is for sure, Damara could move her torso like Shakira, body rolling and ticking to the beat with perfect harmony. Doing a sudden spin on her tiptoes, Damara Lowers herself to the polished flooring, arching her back off of the surface with her legs spread into a V, before lifting her lower half off the ground to do a series of air kicks like she was back in an 80s workout video or like she was in Kanye West’s video for Fade instead of Teyana Taylor.

She turned over onto her hands, hitting a side to side split perfectly before lifting from the ground to walk seductive and tantalizing towards the middle of the dance studio.

That’s where it began, the sweatiest most bewitching dance yet. Her hands cascade everywhere, eyes closed to take in the beat with heightened hearing. Her hands rubbed along the outline of her pussy in a teasing manner. Damara was so shameless when it came to dancing provocatively. She twirled and made an S with her body like a snake, body in sync to the beat. The sultry look in her eyes could trap you like Medusa. You would think she danced to one of Prince's songs from the outside looking in. 

The song came to an end, Damara lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it in the corner, picking up her gallon water bottle to take a huge sip. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, feeling the burn in her curvy waistline from all the crunching and belly rolling that came with dancing. Her gluteal muscles were on fire as well, causing Damara to admire her ass in the mirror, sweat staining the crack of her ass over the fabric. 

—

Finishing up, Damara grabs all her things before leaving the dance studio at the gym she finally snagged a membership for. The gym had two sections: one for premium guests who had VIP access to the soundproof workout rooms or standard. Sadly, Damara was standard. She always wanted to workout in the soundproof tinted glass rooms like all the extremely fit individuals did, but one look through those glasses at the equipment housed within would make you withdraw with fear. Her personal trainer had stressed for her to go VIP, bribing her with access to the ice bath room and luxury pool where you can watch the LA skyline like you’re in a hotel.

She made a left at the end of the hall, walking with her shirt and towel over her shoulder to the main gymnasium area full of musky people and terrible workout music. Even though Damara did a one hour session of dancing, she couldn’t help but to gravitate towards the stair master for a good fifteen minute burn. Once there, Damara climbs the stairs, beginning her workout on nine speed, instantly feeling the ache. Her eyes scanned the area, finally landing on a group of women huddled around one of the sound proof workout rooms for VIP gold card members. 

She let out a tired chuckle, shaking her ponytail clad head before pausing to drink some water. Of COURSE they would all salivate over some random ass man instead of working out, because that’s what gyms are for these days. On queue every day Damara comes to the gym, once the clock strikes 8 pm, a hoard of women suffocate the glass, fogging it with their heavy breathing and wetting it with saliva from their wiggling tongues. Damara would have been one of them if she listened to her group of girlfriends who didn’t come in tonight. Supposedly, there is this fine ass man that comes to the gym every day, around 8 pm. Damara never seems to catch him, and even if she did, no man was that fine to act like a hyena over. He couldn’t be that sexy.

“Ooo, girl, let me get off this got damn treadmill he back again!” Damara turned to find a short, slim, mocha skinned girl with a track runners body ogling the group of women, her friend who looked like she could be her sister, biting her lip.

“I wonder if he’s doing the pull ups right now, fuckk. You know his dick stay hard when he working out.” 

The other girl laughs, “I just want to suck it. Just give me one good time!” 

Both women laughed while Damara tries her best to work out and ignore them. But to her surprise, she couldn’t focus. Not because of the talking, but because she wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Maybe after this she could rub it in her friends faces that whoever this guy was, wasn’t about the hype after all.

Defeated, Damara stopped her workout, quickly lowering herself off the machine and towards some spray and paper towels to wipe away her sweat. Tossing everything, Damara makes her way towards the sound proof workout room straight across from the men’s locker room. 

Here she was, and yet just a few minutes ago she was laughing to herself at how ridiculous it was to come to a gym and stare at a man for two hours. Wasn’t no man fine enough for that.

The glass window straight ahead had about seven ladies standing in front of it, whispering and admiring at what looked like absolutely nothing to Damara. It was so dark she couldn’t see a thing. As she got closer, at first, all she could see through that glass was the usual workout machines of all types and weight racks. Just before she could walk away, he started lifting those weights. Suddenly, as if pulled by some type of force field, Damara turned into a fan girl with glossy eyes and a watery mouth. He had to be the one her friends were talking up. There is no way he couldn’t be the one with how fine he is. 

“This must be your first time noticing Erik.” 

Damara turned to the lady who looked to be twice her age standing next to her.

Damara didn’t respond, she simply looked back at him through that tinted glass. He was so fucking sexy that her jaw dropped; literally. Erik was definitely the one her friends were juiced up over. Not the juice you drink, but the drip from that pussy when she hungry for a nigga as damn fine as he is. 

Erik had been bench pressing weights and she couldn’t get a good enough look at him until he lowered the weights. Yeah, when he was laid out on his back, sweaty muscles moving as he lifted 280 pounds over his head he looked good, but GOD once he stood up was she slapped with his looks.

Erik was wearing sweat shorts that dropped low around his waist, a damp sweat top and a pair of Nike Air Max Trainer 1s on his feet.

His braided back dreads were damp from the perspiration; it really set off his caramel complexion.

Erik returned his weights to their respective places and stood facing that mirror with a bottle of gatorade. Damara could really see how perfect he was. Fine wasn’t even the word, it was so much she could say about him. The look in his eyes, the way his muscles moved in conjunction with him, the smoothness of his skin, the hairstyle that compliments him very well, and let’s not forget those lips. She figured he got many compliments on his lips, as beautiful and suckable as they were. That thick erection he was sporting was an added bonus. All she could see was herself lowering onto it and rocking like crazy, like she was riding a horse. When she returned to reality from her lustful daze, she noticed her hands were flat against the glass, jaw STILL dropped, and her nipples tender and hard practically clawing at him. They were so hard that they were hurting, and the feeling of his lips pulling and sucking and licking on them would have been exactly what she needed, just pull her shirt down and suck em.

All of that talk and fantasizing in her head, ironically made his eyes meet hers. Damara swore she thought those big, dark eyes could see her and only her. The lady she ignored next to her smiled, like she knew what Damara was going through. She did, that’s why her and the others were still there.

——

Feeling a little foolish and embarrassed by her behavior, Damara asked the lady next to her if Erik could see them or was it one of those half way windows.

“Girl, he can see us alright. That’s why his dick is so big and hard poking through those shorts. He sees something he likes.” 

Damara looked back at him, and right then like a spark had been ignited, he smiled a little at her with dimples, then winked before downing the rest of his gatorade. Damara could feel her knees buckle, body so nervous. She decided it was most definitely time to bounce. That night, Damara never told her girls about seeing the living legend, but she did go back the following day, a Wednesday, to stare him down at that window again. She purposely went there alone to have him to herself. It was crazy how obsessed he became.

——

After about a week or so of admiring Erik through that glass, Damara decided to take it up a notch and use the adjoining women’s workroom; yeah, like she could actually bench press any of the equipment in there. Getting into that women’s workroom meant that she had to become a gold member. The upgrade was about 20 dollars more, which landed her to about 80 dollars a month; great.

She felt like she’d been walking the yellow brick road to the emerald city. Opening those double glass doors to her new sanctuary,  she could smell musk no longer, only fresh air and a cool breeze. The music was even better in there, sicko mode playing low through the speakers. It was approximately 7:50 pm, so she knew Erik would be arriving soon. 

At about 8:15, a little later than usual, Erik pulled open the doors and walked into the men’s workroom. He had his dreads crinkled and messy, a pair of Beats solo 3 in black with gold trim over his ears, black Nike pro training top that clung to his body like it was two sizes too small, matching black shorts that hung low on his hips with the waistband of his compression pants peeking through. He hadn’t immediately seen Damara on the other side since she was in the corner tugging on the pull ropes that she couldn’t make budge. She didn’t really know what to do. If she popped out of nowhere near that window, she could scare him to death, and he’d be mad. He looked like the no nonsense type too. 

Damara decided that hiding wouldn’t fix anything so she came out into the open to do some yin yoga poses that helped stretch her body. Sitting Indian style, she started with the butterfly, bending forward while gripping her shoes. The stretch made her moan, all the tension in her back disappearing. Next, she decided on the dragon, bringing one foot forward in a low lunge, stretching out her glutes and back again. Admiring herself, she liked the way her ass looked in the tinted mirror, and apparently so did Erik. Her heart dropped to her stomach like she’d been on the tallest roller coaster, her eyes reverting towards the ground. Damara could feel his eyes on her still as she lifted from the ground, rolling her neck. With one hand on the back of her neck to stretch the muscles, her eyes met his again. That same slight smile graced his face again, almost innocent, but those eyes were dark and sultry, like hot coal.

The heat turned down just a little, Erik walking away leaving Damara a flustered mess.

——

He started out with a little cross training. Damara watched from her workout mat in between doing crunches. Next, he pumped a little iron. She noticed how he enjoyed admiring himself when he lifted weights. The veins in his arms would bulge so much it looked like they wanted to break the surface of his skin. She could see his mouth slightly opened, concentration set in his features, and she just knew he was making those grunting, straining noises that guys make when they workout. Watching those muscles flex and bulge like that made her weak in the knees again. She liked the feeling. When he lay on his back to do the leg lifts, that’s when she lost it in a major way. The weight Damara had in her hand to do Russian twists fell down on her shoulder. She screamed out without even knowing it. All she could feel was pain beginning to throb in her left shoulder, and she laid back on the floor massaging it with a whimper. Unfortunately, at that time Erik was the last thing on her mind. When Damara got enough nerve to look at the window, Erik was pressed against it looking at her. He mouthed to her since it was sound proof, “You aight, Lil Mama?”

After Damara figured out his words, she nodded and gave him the okay symbol with a tired smile. Erik stares at her for a few seconds, scanning her frame in that PUMA workout suit she decided to wear, then moved on to the leg machine again. Damara liked the way he scouted her, and that made the pain in her shoulder go unnoticed.

——

Throughout their workouts, they would peep each other, and he liked the attention she was showering him with. There he was again with those pull-ups, directly facing her with intimidation in his eyes. Somehow, he had lost his shirt along the way, sweat pouring off his body like he’d been doing push-ups in the rain. 

Damara’s workout suit was almost see-through and hugging all her curves, and he definitely paid attention because his erection was good and hard, tenting the front of those black workout shorts like wild. Damara wanted to think it was solely her making those pants tent like that, but working the hell out of those machines may have played a role in it. She’s good, but not that good.

The more she looked at Erik, the more she wanted to taste him, feel him pressing into her throat. 

Damara looked down at her iWatch and realized it was minutes to closing time, but she couldn’t leave that room, let alone that window. She hated to leave because he was worth staying and getting caught with. Knowing the kind of man Erik was, he probably got a kick out of the chicks staring his fine ass down, then going home to his equally fine ass girl. That was the kind of luck Damara had: finding the juiciest man on the planet, but not able to land him because he was taken.

Damara suddenly had a lightbulb moment. Erik was a gold member, with a passkey to leave the gym if he ever got locked in. Damara could lie and say she lost her passkey, having to go to him to get out...or to get off! Shit, lord knows she needs that, it’s been way too long. Suddenly, Erik made a move she hadn’t been prepared for. He stepped away from the weight trainer and approached the window again. Damara couldn’t move, couldn’t muster a speech, all she could do was watch him approach her with that sweaty, perfect body. Maybe not so perfect to some because it was littered with tiny raised scars, but to her it was absolutely perfect. Man, the closer he got to her, the hotter she got. In all her orgasmic nonsense with a pussy so wet and probably creaming her panties, it soon dawned on her that he probably approached her to ask her why she’s still there; that maybe he was tired of being stared at as if he were a zoo animal. Damara got scared and backed up.

Erik backed up a bit, confusion on his face before chuckling, giving her a head to toe view of him, then he got busy. His eyes stared into hers as he massaged that massive erection up and down through his pants. Damara could feel her nectar elevating within her core. Then it hit her, he was about to give her a private sex show. Was she about to bounce? Fuck no, she stayed and watched everything that pretty nigga did.

When his erection got hard and thick within his pants, he let out a fucking dazzling smile that could make her cum right there. No man had ever smiled so wickedly at her that her panties got wet; then again, she’d never met Erik. His pecs were mouthwatering to the point of drool, contours and ripples were everywhere. All her nasty little tongue wanted to do was lick, lick from his collarbone to his abs and continue south. Her hands shook as they clutched her chest, feeling her nipples brush against her fingers. All the while, her eyes never left his.

——-

Bending to remove his shoes and socks was a chore because that delicious dick was in the way, but he managed. His fingers beckoned Damara to get closer. Damara knew he was going to slide his pants down next, the nigga was clever with his seduction. She moved back to that window, and watched him slide his shorts to his hips. His dick bounced out, sprang to life, and she dropped to her knees, wondering how all that would feel stroking her insides. He was real heavy, the type of dick where the tip and about two inches could only fit in the pussy. The type of dick where you would push him away while he blew your back out from getting too deep. The type of dick where you had to use two hands to jerk while you sucked; you really gotta be a pro to suck a dick like that with no hands, not to mention ride a dick like that.

Erik bit at his plump bottom lip, massaging it with his tongue while his hand massaged that long pole; that damn snake. The more he stroked, the bigger and bigger it became within his hand. He strokes that beautiful dick until he was about ready to nut. He mouthed at her through that sound proof glass, 

“I want that throat.”

His muscles tensed, he squeezed it harder, and playfully rubbed it against the glass directly where her mouth was. She swore she could taste him, feel him sliding it between her lips and forcing his inches into her. Erik stroked it so hard that she could see the moisture forming on his tip. Damara couldn’t help herself, she had to reach between her thighs and stroke her pussy to match his tempo. Damara pulled her suit down, revealing her drenched sports bra and panties to him. She didn’t want to waste any time the way her fingers made its way to her panties, pulling the fabric to the side to reveal her wet sticky treat. The more he stroked himself, the deeper her fingers slide into her valley; all three of them. When Erik dropped to the floor, she scrambled to see what he was going to do next. It was fucking outrageous! That pretty ass nigga got on his back and moved his hips up and down like a bitch was on top of him. Damara screamed in ecstasy over the sight of it. Her fingers went deeper and deeper like she was trying to scoop her cum out the pussy. She turned around and arched her back, rubbing at her clit with one hand while fingering herself with the other. He pumped hard and long, perspiration dripping from him, muscles tensing. Damara just knew he was going to explode on the floor instead of her which was a damn shame. No. No fucking way. He turned over on his stomach, and did push-ups, pumping those hips and dick into oblivion. He still hadn’t cum for her yet. His arm shook when he did his one-handed push-ups, dick throbbing in his other hand. She felt her orgasm building deep in her belly, her legs shaking from muscle strain and intense pleasure. That was the grand finale, watching him cream into his own hands while staring her down. 

Damara screamed out, Cumming on her fingers with a shake of her body.

——

He returned to his back and pressed out so much cum that she almost fainted from the orgasm he gave her. When her breathing returned to normal, Damara looked into her hand, now covered with so much of her own thick moisture that her fingers were sticking together. Then she glanced up at him watching her with a sweet smile on those wonderful lips—his erection was still in his hand and still harder than boulders. 

The windows were nice and steamed by the time he and Damara finished. She watched him grab the rest of his belongings and headed for the showers. Damara took off as well, figuring that was all she’d get from him. 

Damara made her way to the showers herself, letting her plan go. At least she got a good show from him so she was thankful. 

While in the shower, Damara couldn’t help but smile as she wet her body under the steamy water. She struggled to fight the urge that this was it and probably her last sex show a man would ever give her and he didn’t even touch her. Damara allowed the warm water to trickle down her aching joints and relaxed. Her body mitt delicately encircled her breasts, pretending the sultry touch was Erik’s fingers, sucking on them gently before making a tongue track down to her core. She shuddered in waves of heat. Her body trembled, spasms, taking her mind off the pain from her injured shoulder. She completely gave in to pleasure and let the most tremendous orgasm hit her like no other one had ever before...well, until Erik happened on the scene. 

Then.

“Damn, girl.”

The words came from nowhere. Damara assumed they had been in her mind. Nonetheless, her eyes opened and she twirled around to see if anyone had come in. There Erik was, standing directly in front of her. Damara tried reaching for her towel but Erik snatched it from the railing before she could get it.

His cool, seductive voice melted into her horny spirit. 

“Imagine how big this dick would be if I would have been standing right above that ass, watching you finger that pussy from the front. All I could see was that phat ass shaking and quivering to some sexual fantasy. Was it about me?” 

Damara couldn’t speak. All she could do was look down at the towel around his midsection, sporting a killer of an erection. Her mouth opened, her voice cracked. 

“I...I, uh…”

“It’s okay, babygirl. I already know that ass was thinking about me. How could you not after the show I gave you.” 

Erik moves toward her, one step away from entering the stall with her. 

“You liked that show I already know that shit. I already know I got you”— he slapped her pussy, then reached around to palm her ass roughly, smacking each ass cheek causing it to sting—“hot enough to want more, right? You should anyway since I gave you a little taste of what the fuck I got,” he pulled his towel off and entered the stall.

It was different from having that window in between them both, Damara covering her nakedness with her arms. Erik pulled them down.

“Don’t you dare cover up a fucking thing.”

The grip on her wrists were so tight her hands shook.

“So, you just walk in women’s locker rooms? What if I wasn’t the only one here?” 

He chuckles, letting her wrists go, “And? I don’t give a fuck about that. It’s okay for me to do whatever I fucking please in here.” He kisses her cheek. “I’m Erik—“

“I know who you are, Erik. Every woman within a five-city radius knows who you are.” 

“Yeah? And who might you be?”

“Damara; nothing exotic, nothing romantic, just regular old Damara.”

“Not from where I’m standing, girl. You are so fucking sexy. I bet you taste good too, I know that pussy enjoyed me pleasing you.”

“It did, I can still feel it.” She lets out a moan.

“Well then that pussy won’t mind if I please you again?”

Damara relaxed, his hands covering her breasts, much the same way they did in her daydream. He stroked the tight tips with his thumbs, then replaced them with his lips. She was right, that mouth was made to suck on some titties. Erik sucked them ferociously, licking them like they were candy. Her head reared back as he sucked like he was trying to milk her. Her back arched off that wall, his arm circling her waist and pulling her close.

“So, you want everything, huh?”

“Every single drop.”

Erik’s muscles tightened around Damara; their bodies pressed against the wall. As the water continues to drench them, he lifted her into his arms; her legs hugged his hips. She felt the tip of that delicious dick play with her opening, tease it, rub up and down on it. She faces him, staring into those delicious brown eyes of his. 

“It’s almost closing time, I couldn’t leave yet without a little taste.” 

It definitely wouldn’t be a little with how big he was. Damara prepares herself for the surprise, her pussy clenching and quivering on its own. Erik takes his fingers to caress her clit, taking a single finger to tease it with a flickering motion. Damara kept a firm grip on his neck, pressed against the shower wall. 

“I’m playing wit that clit good, huh?”

She responds with a bite to his shoulder, her pussy jerking in his hand. Erik brings his fingers to his mouth, spits on them, then brings them back to her clit. He was very generous with his spit, making her pussy extra sloppy. Clearly with him still going at it on her clit he aimed to make her cum this time with his own fingers. 

“Ok, you working my clit,” she felt him take his dick to finish it off, rubbing her clit in circles. The smoothness of the tip of his dick hit every sensitive spot on her clit. 

“Make that pussy cum,” she edged him on.

His hand came down to grip her ass while he worked, her body shuddering, legs securing around him even harder, moans echoing off of the shower walls. 

“Shit, fuck, damn…”

She could feel the sensitivity in her pussy too.

“Open up for me.”

Damara opened wider, Erik bringing his dick to her pussy. He pushed his way in slow, only by a few inches before she clamped up. Her guess was correct, he was too much to take. Damara was scared now, she didn’t know if she could go through with it.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking big,” her eyes grew wide.

“Ha, You knew that already when you saw me jerking it.” 

“I’m too tight.”

“So?” He moves his hips, teasing her walls to let him in further. Her body crunched, hand to his chest. Was she fucking a monster dick or what? His shit was too damn much.

“Chill,” her eyelids fluttered. She wouldn’t be able to stand.

“You’ve been eyeing me all fucking week, teasing me and shit and now you wanna cry about how big my dick is?” 

He kissed at her neck, causing her to moan and rub her wet face against his. She brought her hands to his biceps, squeezing them tightly. 

“Be gentle, okay? It’s too damn big.”

Erik takes that invitation, gripping her hips firm before pressing himself in inch by inch, pausing in between. Each time he entered her it felt like he was ripping her a new hole, but it felt so full in a good way. Along with the pain came a shock of pleasure. The vein on the underside of his shaft rubbed smoothly at the floor of her pussy, a new sensation she had never felt. It curves at the tip to hit her g spot, swiping it each time he moves his hips.

“I don’t think I ever had a dick this good,” she hissed the moment he fully entered her. 

“I already know you didn’t with all that crying you was doing.” He pulled out to the tip, purposely, to make her feel every inch again. Erik pushes back in, watching the way her face went through a series of confused and unprepared emotions. It was time to pick up the pace now. Erik started off slow, his strokes growing and her moans. Damara held onto the rails along the walls of the shower, watching with astonishment how Erik’s dick fucked her.

“Oh, oh, omg,” she shook tremendously, a single hand clawing at Erik’s chest. He simply fucks her with deeper strokes, reminding her what came with every inch. Clearly he had a fetish for making women cry from how big he was. That rock hard body came with a huge package. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!!!!!” She felt a rush of pressure forming in her lower belly, so big it pushes Erik’s dick out, a fountain of liquid pouring. The more she clenched, the more it flowed. Damara couldn’t control it and it shocked her. No way, this nigga made her squirt and for the first time ever. She’d always tried to make that happen for herself but it never worked so she would give up. 

That seemed to fuel Erik even more, he brought one of her legs up into a split, entering her body again. This time, he flexed his abs, bringing his dick into even more of a curve, really hitting her spot. Erik knew what he was doing, he wanted to see the reaction again.

“Come on, take this big dick,” he held her leg up even if it shook.

“Ah, fuck yes, shit it’s happening again!!” Before she could relax, here she was, squirting again but Erik stayed in. He smiled, slamming her so hard with his dick that she could feel it in her stomach. At this point, Damara might as well lose count of how many orgasms she’ll have. 

———

It was true.

Damara has missed two days of the gym for a reason. 

She couldn’t get out of the damn bed the morning after her and Erik had sex. Her pussy was sore and sensitive, inner thighs shaking when she stood from the bed. Damara didn’t bother exchanging numbers with him, unsure if she would even be able to take him up on a second chance. Deciding to be a big girl, Damara went to the gym for a dance session. 

She stood in the mirrored dance studio wearing a leotard colored bronze, a pair of sweats on and her hair in a messy bun with her vans. She skimmed through her playlist on iTunes, adjusting her AirPods to her liking.

Damara had to squat ballerina style to stretch her thigh muscles, bringing her leg up to extend the muscles of her inner thigh. Rolling her neck, she turns from the mirror, deciding to dance to a Nicki song. Once she got in the groove with the tempo, she started her routine. Her body moved like magic. The mirror wasn’t her own audience anymore, Erik was standing at the door watching her closely. He didn’t make a move, his eyes following her skillful moves along with her dangerous body, I mean, Damara was thick. Even through her loose fitted sweats he could tell. Now that Erik got a good look at her, he recognized her from Instagram.

DeetheeDancer.

She was pretty popular on social media for her dancing. Erik watched a few of her videos from time to time, loving the way she moved. She had this way of letting you know she was sexy from the look she gave in the camera when it followed her body. It was as if she was daring you to touch her, let her throw it back on you and see if you can catch it.

——-

Damara finished off to her first song, bending over with her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She paused her music, picking up her water to take a long sip. After recapping it, Damara’s eyes sweep the area, landing on the door and seeing a familiar face waving at her. 

It was him, the big dick nigga that had her on a two day hiatus. He looked to be arriving at the gym because he didn’t look worn out just fresh with a bomber jacket over top of his workout gear, beats over his ears and shades on. 

“Mind if I come in?” He mouthed.

Damara caught her breath before smiling, motioning for him to enter. He finally stepped through, dropping the duffel bag that was on his shoulder.

“Why ain’t you tell me you were a dancer? You ain’t so average.” 

“It’s kind of hard to do that when you were balls deep in me.” She mouthed tiredly.

“You talk hella bold but when I’m in there I have you running though.” He removed his shades, blessing her with his brown eyes.

“Mind if I watch? I got all day.” Erik removed his jacket.

“Fine with me,” Damara was okay with it, she had eyes on her with dancing almost all the time.

“She plugged her phone into the wall Bluetooth, settling on dancing to some pussy popping music from her freaky playlist. Yes, this was absolutely purposeful.

Right off the back, Megan Thee Stallion Freak Nasty began playing. She started off with a routine she already had to this song. She poses, hands rubbing down her frame before squatting down with a grip on her knees while swaying her hips. She did a turn, one hand in her hair with the other on her ass. Once the beat dropped, she got into the groove with a sexy hip hop routine that involved a lot of footwork and ass shaking. Her ass shook alright, like a goddamn tidal wave straight from the sea. She bounced in a circle, spreading her legs wide before landing into a perfect split that deserved tens across the board like she was a gymnast. 

Erik was impressed, and so was the huge dick that jumped happily in his compression briefs. She was clearly giving it her all, impressing him. He could fuck her ass royally with his dick, congratulate her for the little talent show. She was on the floor again, doing a perfect side split, her eyes moving from the mirror and zeroing in on his erection. She must have known that he was turned on because her eyes didn’t move from his crotch the entire time she grind, bent her body over, and twerked her ass. 

“You think that pussy can handle this dick today?”

She stops moving, hyperventilating before pausing her music.

“Nah, keep that playlist rolling, I want you to dance on this dick.”

She looked at him. He looked at her. She whispered, “okay, I admit it. You’ve got too much dick for me.” 

“Girl,” He wasn’t trying to hear that.

“I’m serious, I need to be able to move not walk like a cripple.” 

“It’s a gift,” he smiles wide.

Damara walks over to the mirrored wall, holding onto the bar before stretching her leg all the way up to her head. 

“See, you preparing yourself already.”

Erik began to approach her, Damara bent over with her head between her legs, looking from behind. She could see Erik making his way to her, the feeling in her stomach making her nervous. Damara lifts back up, grabbing a towel to wipe her neck off. Here he was now, fully enveloped in her personal space with his hands on either side of the bar, chin resting on her shoulder.

“I mean, you really got that shit up there, huh?” He was referring to her leg.

She chuckles, “Chill out, monster.”

“Monster? Hm,” Erik turns Damara around, his eyes scanning her heaving chest, “Well, it is October.” 

She smiles, licking her lips before looking at his, “You plan on scaring me again?”

Erik takes his thumb to stroke her chin, “I thought you were afraid of big, bad things?”

Damara swallows spit, eyes fluttering. She grabbed the bar on either side to brace herself.

“You ain’t know? This is my favorite time of the year.”

Damara places her hands on the back of Erik’s head, pulling him down to meet her lips. They kissed, Erik’s hand on her hips now, pulling her off and against him. The next song that played was dvsn- With me.

“C’ mon,” Erik kisses her again, their full lips in French kiss mode, “dance on me.”

Damara takes her time to work her hips into the slow beat, Erik easily matching her movements. She was impressed, turning now, dipping forward with her ass against his crotch, twirling her hips in a hypnotizing circle. Erik places one arm across her chest, his face buried in her hair, Damara turning to face him slightly while she moved her hips tantalizingly slow against him. 

“Mm,” Erik looked her frame up and down.

Damara turns, on her knees, arching back before rolling her body forward, grabbing Erik’s legs as she began to rise while her hips moved from side to side. She went to her tip toes then, one leg cleanly rising to rest on his shoulder before she arched her back, jumping up for Erik to catch her. He does, twirling her around before slowing down as the song slowed, their eyes meeting. 

“Wow,” she spoke breathlessly.

Before she could stop herself, Damara places her lips against his, Erik bringing her to the floor. Between frantic kisses, Erik undressed her, her naked sweaty body warm against his. She moans, arms around his neck. Erik takes his fingers, slipping inside to get a feel and taste.

“You taste just right,” He sucks slowly on his fingers before taking those same fingers to rub her nipples. 

“Fuck,” Damara pushes Erik down to the floor, her hands moving quickly to undress him. She needed him no matter how big he was. The sight of him again almost knocked her out. Damara grabs his dick, licking her lips before sinking her mouth over him. Erik instantly palmed the back of her head, biting his lip and saying how much of a good girl she was.

Damara sucked like her life was at stake, spit covering her hands and chest. She couldn’t fit him all in her mouth but she did her absolute best. Erik pulls her mouth off, watching the string of spit connect with her lower lip.

“Climb up, Baby girl.” Erik motions for Damara to come to him, Her legs straddling him on either side before her arms grabbed his shoulders tightly. She tried to prepare herself but the moment Erik slipped inside again she squeezed his biceps with her nails. Erik hisses, taking his hands to grab at her waist to keep her still. He started fucking up into her at an even pace, the pressure within her too much. She could feel the shit in her spine. Damara looked back at it, eyes closing in sweet pleasure before looking down at Erik’s smiling face.

“God, please keep fucking me.”

Erik grabs her ass, anchoring his hips before picking up the pace. The scream from her was so loud it bounced off the walls. 

“These walls ain’t sound proof, Baby girl.” 

She couldn’t move or control her cries. Erik was deep within her guts. Damara begged for Erik to keep going over and over, a series of please and I need more escaping her mouth.

“You gonna squirt on me like that again?” He bit his lip, raising his brows in a rude manner to initiate a response from her, “I said is that what you’re gonna do?!” 

“Yes!!!!!”

Damara snapped, squirting like he asked. Erik slaps both her ass cheeks for that.

“Good girl, I know you got more for me.”

“Yes, Erik.” 

She froze, mouth suspended open before cumming again. Within seconds?

“FUCKkkkkk.” 

“Mhm,” he fucked up into her at the same killer pace, “mhm...mhm.”

“STOP!” She cries out, the urge to cum right there.

“Stop it, I’m gonna cum again!”

“Girl, shut up and cum.” 

Erik was close himself.

“Shut that crying up and cum on this dick.”

She went silent, body trembling before cumming for a third time.

“Oh my God,” she cries.

“You gonna let me cum in that mouth, Baby girl?”

Erik bounced Damara a few more times before slipping her off, standing to his feet quickly while she stayed on her knees. Damara opened wide, waiting for his treat. He jerked his big dick, grunts deep and eyes low and dangerous. After three pumps the cream spilled, Damara’s tongue ready. He tasted so damn good. 

“All of it, I’m not playing with you.”

She grabs his dick, licking and sucking all of it off.

“Good girl,” he puckered his lips down at her, mouthing a kiss. She almost fainted.

“You gonna have them thirsty bitches mad”

Damara didn’t care.

[loquaciousquark]

Hi! I think I remember you posting about "making" your own computer? I'm sorry to bother you with something like this, but was it difficult? Would you say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it? Thanks!

Heck yeah!!! Oh man!! Gosh guys can I talk to you about building computers and how EVERYONE willing to do some basic googling is almost certainly capable of this I promise?

Welcome to:

Okay okay okay so let me spin you a li’l yarn: I was in optometry school in 2010-2011ish and I had been living up to now on prebuilts, mostly laptops, but DA2 was recently out and gosh darn it I wanted something I could play a proper game on. A friend of mine had a 10yo daughter who wanted to build a computer herself, and he told me if I’d buy the parts, he’d walk both of us through how to do it (what really happened was the 10yo built my first computer and I watched and brought drinks, so–no, I wouldn’t say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it!).

The physical requirements are some basic manual dexterity & arm strength (you gotta be able to manipulate some tiny things and put some pressure on some connections) and you will most likely need to lift up to 15 pounds, although you can limit that if you go for smaller components. The ability to bend forward and twist and reach will also probably be necessary, although some careful planning can also likely mitigate that.

I think I have pictures of the actual build process somewhere, but regardless, it resulted in this bad boy that served me well for about nine years. I was shocked to see how easy it was to put together, honestly; if you can follow a Lego assembly book, you can put a computer together. With tools like PCPartPicker that have built-in compatibility checks to make sure all your pieces fit, it’s a piece of cake to put together a parts list that you can feel really good about. You just pick whether you want your motherboard to come with fancy lights or not (hint: rgb is unironically cool & i’ll fight anyone who says otherwise).

In the end, you’ll need a set of basic components. You’ll need:

A case to put all the pieces in

A motherboard, the circuit board of the computer that connects everything, basically the heart of the computer

A CPU, the brain of the computer that determines processing power, or basically how fast it can do math and direct traffic

a CPU cooling system, which can be either mechanical fans or liquid cooling, gotta keep that baby chill; may or may not come packaged with the CPU depending on what you get

A graphics card (aka GPU), the thing that makes video games look pretty (and what will probably be the single most expensive item in the build depending on how good you go)

RAM, a short-term memory processing component that comes in different amounts (4gb, 8gb, 16gb, 32gb, 64gb if you’re a madman) depending on how fast you need your short-term memory to work. Good RAM allows you to do things like open a bunch of Chrome tabs at once, run Photoshop at the same time you’re listening to youtube videos, or process the demand of loading up a host of enemies in Mass Effect. Most everyone these days can get by just fine with 16gb of RAM, which is what I have.

a hard drive (or the new, faster, more expensive version, a solid state drive) which functions as your long-term storage bins. This is where you save documents, images, and install your programs. These come in tons of sizes–the larger your files are, the more storage space you’ll want. I always put at least a terabyte of storage in my builds.

a power supply unit or PSU, which gives the electrical juice for everything to run

a monitor (the more hertz, the smoother the video will be - you’ll want either 60hz or 144hz depending on how much your number of frames-per-second matter to you)

a keyboard and mouse

speakers or headphones or both!

Optional addons:

RGB lighting for everything :O

an optical drive (aka something to put DVDs, Blurays, or other physical CD disks into)

fancy liquid cooling pipes

additional case fans; most cases come with adequate fans, but if you are using the computer in a room with poor ventilation or you find that certain components are running hot, you can install additional fans

coincidentally you can also get fans with RGB lighting too

cable extenders when you are going for a specific color scheme

So it can definitely all look overwhelming at first, but when you start to look at how everything is laid out, you’ll notice some trends. Look at these motherboards, for example.

These are just four random motherboards I pulled off Newegg, a commonly used computer parts purchasing site. Sure, the colors are a bit different, but the layout between them…is all basically the same! Here, I’ll draw it out.

In just about every modern motherboard you buy, this will be the rough layout. Everything else is window dressing–what kind of GPU you get, what kind of CPU you get, whether your RAM lights up cool colors or not. Your motherboard will ALWAYS include a map that has extensive descriptions of what each connection does.

Much, much, much more under the jump!

Most of these you won’t even need!

There are always some compatibility things to consider–as I mentioned, PCPartPicker can help you figure out a lot of these–but the biggest one to care about is the CPU. There are two major companies that make CPUs, AMD and Intel. They both have pros and cons on the chips they make, but right now, AMD makes a family of CPUs called Ryzen that both outperform and are cheaper than Intel’s current leading brands, the i7 and i9 lines. Intel was king of the hill for a long time, though, and their CPUs are still really good quality, so some people still go with them over the cheaper alternatives for now. (There are some reports of black screens with the new Ryzen lines, but as I’ve never owned one, I can’t personally speak to how common that is.)

Regardless, once you pick which family of CPUs you want to go with, AMD or Intel, you just have to pick an Intel-friendly or AMD-friendly motherboard. This is always specified in the description of the motherboard. I own the Asus z370 motherboard, so here’s what it says in the description for CPU:

Anyway, once you’ve picked all your parts and had everything shipped to you, it’s literally just a plug-n-play, step by step until everything’s plugged in. Your motherboard manual will also include recommended order of installations, too, and often how to install them.

It helps to remember that the manufacturers of all these parts understand that they are expensive, and they really DON’T want to make them hard to install! Broken or difficult pieces during installation means that the customer is upset, and upset customers ask for refunds and lose brand loyalty.

It also helps to understand that a lot of these connections are based on certain standards–I didn’t realize until I was rebuilding my current machine that these holes set for screws really do work with just about everything you get, as long as it’s the same generation, because motherboard manufactures WANT you to have the flexibility to go any attachment brand you like and still be able to use their board to mount them. 

So, you pick your case and open it up, and you put the motherboard down on top of all the little screw holes until they match, and then you screw all the screws down firmly.

Old rig, partially disassembled:

New, in approximately same state:

(One of the reasons I went with this larger white case than a smaller, slim case like my old one, is because this nicer case has what’s called “cable management;” that means there’s a built-in back area behind the motherboard where all my cables can be jammed without messing up the “aesthetic” of the glass window. My first build obviously did not have that, as seen in that first picture at the top of this post, so I had to just jam my cables wherever I could fit them so that the sides would close, haha.)

Anyway, you can see that the motherboard is just screwed in where it should be, and my CPU is already installed where it should be. I haven’t mounted the cooler for it yet because I needed to clean off the old thermal paste and install new thermal paste before doing so. My two sticks of RAM are also mounted in the top right in the motherboard’s recommended configuration & locations for two sticks (vs. one, vs. four).

Then, with the cooler in place, it looked like this:

So the cooler I have is liquid cooling in a closed system (the thick black tubes running right to left) which is attached to a fan that mounts in place of the white fan on the left from the previous picture. It was as simple as unscrewing the old fan and putting the new one in its place. I think I even used the same screws. The fan is powered by that thin cable running along the top of the case that plugs into a little socket on the motherboard labeled “CPU Fan.” It was as simple as just finding the right plug; it doesn’t even have directionality, just a three-pin socket, so it doesn’t even matter which way you plug.

Already it’s looking like a proper computer! And because this case has cable management, I took a picture of what it currently looked like from the backside.

This case is cool because it has a neat set of connectors mounted on the back of this little hideaway to connect the case fans. I could have run the white fan cables through to the front of the motherboard for them to get power/marching orders, but it was cleaner aesthetically to attach them here in the back. Nothing wrong with connecting them on the front, though–that’s what I did in my original build!

You also might have noticed I’ve mounted the PSU in that white case by now as well. It’s the large black and red box in the bottom corner, seen best from behind. The white case comes with what’s called a PSU shroud, which just means there’s a fancy white cover over it to keep the ~aesthetic~ when viewed from the front side.

The next step is to mount the graphics card!

There’s instructions in your manual as to exactly how these mount, but it really and truly is just removing the dust cover brackets where you need to, and then a delicate plug & play, pushing that big guy in until you hear the click! (Click good, snap bad. Haha. I’ve changed out these cards several dozen times and never broken one, though!)

You can also see the ugly red-tipped cables plugged into the GPU and the motherboard, both on the right side. These come from the Power Supply Unit (they are all permanently connected in most brands, and look basically like a squid’s tentacles–once you have your items mounted onto the motherboard, you just look for the connector from the PSU with the right number of pins and plug it in!)

This guy is the worst. He is fat and hard to maneuver and always requires SO MUCH FORCE to click into this delicate bendy board and your heart will ALWAYS be in your throat as your fingers shake from how hard you’re having to push to sink it, and it will ALWAYS eventually go in but you’ll hate every second of the doing. I hate you, 24-pin EATX. I hate you so much.)

The next thing I did was mount my optical drive (because yes, I still own one), my hard drive, and my solid state drive.

The hard drive and SSD both serve the same purpose (long-term data storage), but the SSD is much faster and uses newer technology. It’s also more expensive for the amount of storage you get, so I have a 256gb SSD that holds my operating system, my heavily-used programs like Firefox and Photoshop & Premiere, and one or two video games I play the most that I would like to load as fast as possible. This is the drive that can allow me to restart my whole system in less than five seconds.

The hard drive is 1.75 terabytes and holds everything else: fics, pictures, videos, music, other games, etc.They mount onto the racks with pre-drilled screws. The optical drive just slides into the socket snugly until it hits the back of the rack.

All of these use a standard connector called a SATA cable which runs between the back of the drive to a SATA socket on the motherboard. Most motherboards come with at LEAST six or seven of these connector slots, and some come with more. They look like this:

and are pretty universal. Any kind of extra storage or drive you want to add to your computer will probably connect with a SATA cable. I think my motherboard, my SSD & HD, and my case purchases all came with a pack of loose SATA cables of different lengths to be used for whatever I wanted.

The rack each drive is mounted to came installed with the case and pre-drilled with screw holes (and provided screws) for attaching either the HD or SSD in every slot. Because this case is all about aesthetic, it also comes with two vertical SSD mounts on the back of the case if you wanted to remove the right-side rack altogether, but as I mentioned, I have the optical drive, so I couldn’t go with that option.

So now we have all the major pieces mounted! The last set of connections are a collection of small fiddly pieces that all plug in roughly the same area and do things like light up the case’s LED, provide that startup beep, connect the USB sockets on the case’s front to power, etc. This is by far the section that takes me the longest because I guarantee I will ALWAYS plug at least two into the wrong socket and not have a beep, or my audio won’t work or something until I go back and reconnect them.

The next thing was to plug in my monitors and…see what happened when we hit the power button! (Monitor connections just plug directly into your graphics card in the back of the case.) And here’s what happened!

So it turned out when I was connecting my SSD (which has my OS on it), I was pushing on the little connector while sitting on the back side of the case. I thought I had the thing in the socket, but what I’d actually done was jam the connector just under the lip of the motherboard (that is, not connected to anything at all, just hanging in open space). Once I realized, though, it was an easy fix!

The last thing I wanted to do to complete the clean white look I wanted was to replace those UGHLY red PSU cables with what are called “cable extenders.” I bought some white ones on Amazon; because most PSUs’ cables are permanently attached at the box, you plug your cable extenders into the other end and then feed them through the case, so that’s the only portion visible. The ugly PSU cables are still there at the other end of the white cables, just hidden in the cable management area behind the motherboard.

I spent some time fixing up the cables to curve exactly how I wanted them to, then picked my LED RGB colors and closed up the open side with the glass wall. All that was left was to plug in my mouse/keyboard/speakers/headphones/mic/webcam, etc., and we were done!

Ta-daaaa!

The first build I did, the one in the blue & black case, took us about two days due to some unexpected problems. First, we were trying to salvage an old CPU from my HP prebuilt to save a little money. Unfortunately, they used basically no thermal paste to connect it to its fan, and when we were trying to get the fan off, it actually tore the CPU out of its socket and bent a bunch of its pins. I ended up going to Best Buy or something and getting a replacement off the shelf.

The other issue I had was that I foolishly didn’t back up my files, and lost a bunch of them in the rebuild (including my Hawke’s original run through the DA2 game :( :( :( ) Always back up your files before ever going in and messing with your case!

Over the years I replaced a bunch of components in it, which is why it lasted me so long, but the transfer into the new case only took me about three hours, and that was with a bunch of breaks throughout. I probably could have done it faster if I hadn’t wanted to savor it, haha. The cable management for the backless desk took a lot longer, though! (…and a LOT of zip ties.)

I do set my new build on a small glass stand (again, from Amazon) because Hamlet’s pretty sheddy and I wanted to keep airflow as good as possible. I’m limited on how many case fans I can install since I have the optical drive rack taking up a lot of space on the right, but I could install new fans on top if I wanted. My temperatures are great, though (I monitor with CoreTemp & GPUTemp, as well as my motherboard’s built-in temp monitoring software), so I don’t need to unless I decide I need more RGB.

Anything I might want to add, I run through PCPartPicker to make sure it’ll fit what I already have. For example, my parts list looks like this (full view and complete parts list available at this link): 

ANYWAY.

If you are patient, if you can fit small Lego-like pieces in labeled sockets, and you are a decent googler, you can build your own PC. It’s really, really hard to do serious damage to components nowadays, even if you plug something in wrong. There’s a bunch of resources, though, and I’d recommend the following places to start:

newegg.com - parts for sale, getcher parts here

pcpartpicker.com - put your list of components together, and it’ll flag any compatibility issues or known problems

https://www.reddit.com/r/buildapc/ - great starting point for new builders, tons of advice and how-to’s for every step of the process, and a decently responsive community to help troubleshoot any issues you might have

And I obviously love doing this kind of thing, so if there’s anything I can help with, I’m more than happy to try! Just let me know, and I hope this was helpful!