#very long post for ts

[loquaciousquark]

4-Sided Dive Highlights - Critical Role C3 up to E40 (Dec. 7, 2022)

It's Christmas! We'll pretend this isn't three weeks late as we join Liam, Laura, Matt, and Taliesin. Liam wins host with a 6 and Matt nearly topples the Jenga tower cheering. The host's script instructs him to intro in song ("Motherfucker!") and to The Twelve Days of Christmas we get "On tonight's 4-Sided Dive/We will have for you/A silly gift exchange game, Mercer's Nein Mighty's reunited, Taliesin played as Kingsley, Orym totally died, and Laura Bailey sundered a tree. Let's fucking do a show!"

What the Happy Holidays Fuck is Up With That? Everyone is sad Eshteross is dead. Matt never killed Allura or Shaun or Essek, so this took the players by surprise. Matt says it was possible in any campaign (Gilmore & Allura did almost die), but it still sucked for him to do. There's been a lot of death for this party in the two-three months they've been together.

Laura says it felt like Otohan was toying with them; the only reason they're not all dead is that she wanted them to live. Matt says it was meant to be a deadly encounter but she was defeatable. Now they have something to work for.

Everyone wants to know where Imogen's mom is. The moon? Yios? Is the city on the moon old or did Otohan set up a popup town?

The were clan was very cool and they were all very attractive. They joke about derailing the campaign to set up a dating sim in the Gorgynei and leaving the moon stuff to Vox Machina.

Matt was so stressed going into the VM stuff, which Liam brings up to discuss as he wasn't on the last episode. "All I could think of leading up to us recording that next session was going, 'Oh shit! I have to do multiple characters of your characters in front of you to each other! Great.'" Everyone agrees that Matt did an awesome job representing their characters. There are a lot of side conversations the players didn't get to see; Matt thinks everyone was communicating with each other on the back end (especially with Percy) while the ritual was going on.

After a dig from Taliesin, Matt reveals that the old Talks faux-pas where some incredibly expensive scotch was mixed with Coke was not actually his doing; it was mixed for him. Sure, Matt. Sure.

Taliesin and Matt discussed Whitestone's advancement and development over the years, since it's a bunch of very expensive resources in a very tiny space. Taliesin tells us that the acid pit has become a low yield battery electrifying street lights at night in the city. "What Lex Luthor could have been with better friends."

Laura protests that she knows nothing about the Ruidus flares and is met with general skepticism. Matt tells us the flares have happened for years with no pattern; this isn't a new thing. However, the recurrences are getting more frequent.

What's causing the flares, the gods trying to break free? Otohan? Laura doesn't think Otohan is on the moon. Laura posits that the city is all the gods' original worshipers; when the gods were bound there, all their worshipers & belief were transported there and bound with them, since that's what gives the gods power. Laura realizes belatedly (and very dramatically) that if this were true, the BH's efforts to figure out what's going on are actually weakening the barriers to belief and helping them be released. Liam has been wondering this for a while, apparently--what if Otohan is the hero and BH are accidentally releasing these evil gods? Horror upon horrors! Matt's poker face reveals nothing, argh.

The Mighty Nein reunited! Everyone loves Kingsley's vibe. Laura regrets not at least calling Caduceus for help. Laura improvs calling him in the moment, and oh my gosh I've missed Cad's voice so much. "Caduceus, Uk'otoa's free and we need your help! Can you come, please? Because you're a healer, and I'm still a healer, but you're better." "Hey. Oh wow! Yeah. Look, I'm kinda stuck here, working on a spell and my house that needs to be fixed. I wish I could help." Taliesin tells us he's in the middle of resetting the Blooming Grove by casting Temple of the Gods, which must be cast in the same place every day for a year. This is partly why Tal played Kingsley; he couldn't justify Caduceus leaving for this, and Kingsley had imprinted hard on the pirate life and would be more fun anyway.

They all loved the incredible fight and AMAZING mini. The tactics were super fun and they loved the opportunitis to experiment. Matt thanks Tyler Walpole who designed the mini and Ian of Iron Tusk who did the painting.

Matt talks about how they left many long term threads open at the end of C2 "like Law & Order for twenty years." He was glad for the opportunity to come back and close this one.

Uk'otoa is not a god, he's the creation of the god the Cloaked Serpent. He's just very powerful, and when the gods were sealed beyond the Divine Gate, he took his old god's dominion in the Lucidian Ocean by the Menagerie Coast for his own. He converted some of the Ki'Nau people there to his worship which gave him power. It wouldn't have been world-ending if they'd failed to seal him, but it would have changed a large chunk of the navigable waters in that area.

The Tower of Inquiry! It visibly wobbles multiple times, but Laura manages to get the block pulled. What would your characters' custom cocktails be? Imogen: a dark and stormy with the beer head being lavender-infused. Orym: an Aviation (which Marisha drinks a lot and Liam dislikes), which apparently tastes like potpourri, yuck. Ashton: a drink Taliesin can't remember the name of which involves pouring lots of clear liquors together with fruit infusions, which must be drunk quickly to avoid it seeping through the paper cup. Matt for Weva: Corpse Reviver (gin, Lillet blanc, orange liqueur and fresh lemon juice).

Gasp, an abuse of power: Liam forces Laura to go pull from the Tower again immediately, which she does successfully despite great sturm und drang. #10: what would your characters' phone cases be? Orym: a blue gem case. Ashton: duct tape over a cracked screen. Imogen: full horse girl with a custom case from a photo of Flora. Eshteross: a Blackberry with a silver stylus, ha!

The Deep Dive! Orym is just trying to do right by his group, lots of push ups and egg whites. He's feeling very overwhelmed all the time, but he tries to focus on the job at hand. There's no way forward without the group, and he's wondering if the current crazy conversations are what Keyleth and Percy used to experience. His death was a moment of certainty in his abject failure to everyone he loved, but he's dutiful and wants to serve, so he keeps his panic quietly to himself. :(

Imogen is also overwhelmed at the minute with the roller coaster of emotion. Her mom's alive but refuses to see her; they don't know what's happening with the moon. Liam marvels at the dichotomy of seeing this path of power before her that she seems clearly fated to master, and yet fearing becoming a villain if she leans into it too much.

Orym is flat-out the reason that Ashton joined the group because of his connection with "Ashari," similar to the "Hishari" keyword connecting Ashton to his past. The moment everyone went down in the Otohan fight was the moment Ashton realized he was genuinely invested and was going to have to put in an effort to build these relationships. Liam loves Ashton's reaching out to people and feels Orym and Ashton have started becoming quietly supportive.

Matt imagined the Claret Orders scattering throughout the world to help those who were cursed. The Gorgynei were a splinter group focused specifically on lycanthropes, and Matt created them in response to Chetney. Matt LOVES taking elements from the characters' narratives (some backstories, some future goals) and getting to tease and reveal it in game. Travis especially "lights up like a lighthouse" when he realizes they're getting into character material. Matt also says definitively that there are no wereherbivores. Alas.

Orym doesn't really blame himself for having his mind read to reveal Eshteross's location; he's a swordsman with no magical defenses. Matt knows a ton about Eshteross's backstory and hopes to get to discuss it soon.

Imogen doesn't think she created her own dreams, even though she can control aspects of them now.

Character block break!

Ashton's habitually being left behind causes low expectations of other people. "People come. People go. People die. People don't. It's kind of just how it goes. It's a very low-impact reality." All his intimate relationships thus far have been built on that, with knowing everyone loved and cared for each other while still maintaining a safe distance.

Yios, the City of Flowing Light! It's illustrious and in the middle of the lake and is rivaled only by Ank'harel in its places of learning. It's a mostly orc/half-orc society.

Orym felt awful about being chosen over Laudna; it echoed everything in his past where the important people were gone and he was still there.

Imogen/Laura "sobbed every single day" Laudna was dead.

Ashton's feelings about his own death are very different to Laudna's resurrection. He deserved what happened to him; she didn't.

Matt considered bringing in Essek to fight alongside the M9 but didn't want to overshadow the main characters; plus, he's still in hiding from nearly being executed. It would have had to be seriously dangerous for him to come out. Matt was glad for the brief cameo at the end.

The Tower of Inquiry, Reprise! Laura pulls a third block even faster than the last two, but the tower wobbles dangerously. What would your characters hoard as dragons? Ashton: things that are not useful: string, packaging from iPhones. Caleb: a pile of flame-retardant books. Orym: a pile of pies; Vax: a horde of days in the sun, ouch. Percy: a mine of money and magical rocks and oh, right. Jester: sweets. Imogen: a field of flowers.

The Tower of Inquiry, Matt Edition: he baaaarely manages to pull one successfully, but does. Laura: "Let me propose something to you. If we stop pulling from the tower now, then whoever does 4-Sided Dive next is going to have to suffer the consequences of our actions." Liam: "You're asking me to band together with you and turn on them. I'll take it into consideration."

Is it hard to keep character backstories from each other? Liam prefers delighting/disappointing people at the table, so it's not hard for him. Taliesin likes keeping it secret as well, but did talk with Travis about blood hunters. He often tells secrets to Dani because she likes knowing secrets, ha! Laura has a tough time not discussing it with people.

Liam is gone to the bathroom and orders Laura to pull another block while he's gone. However, mutiny from the inside reveals no block pulled and a charade played by all remaining actors instead. Except--a second twist! Liam doesn't actually go to the bathroom, he goes to play a wolf puppet with glasses whose mouth hardly ever moves (I get the impression Liam is having to work very hard to stay up with the teleprompter). Wolfie tells us the story of Winter's Crest with more racing hot rods and Errevon the Rimelord vs. Santa than I think I remember from C1.

Post-Break Shenanigans! A gift-exchange game based on die rolls, apparently a combination of White Elephant and Dirty Santa, along with questions scattered about throughout.

Weva was created as an interesting mirror to a society that can speak with the dead and bring the dead back to life. She reminds Matt of the theater goth girls he knew in high school that used to ask him if he knew about rotten.com.

Orym has gotten glimpses of Percy & Vex in the past, and it was cool for him to be in the company of greatness.

Ashton is growing more comfortable with physical contact from the BHs the more he gets to know the BHs. Strangers cause worse pain.

Matt was very excited to get to play the Uk'otoa oneshot. The Earthquake spell at the temple really shook up his plans, ha ha ha.

For Laura, killing Delilah twice was beautiful. She was terrified to fight her at that level.

Laura keeps rolling the "steal a present" number and holds the entire stack in her arms like a child. It's hilarious.

Jester loves living at sea; all she wanted when she left home was to have an adventure, and this is a chance for her to get to destroy and create. She thinks she and the Traveler have become really good friends but she understands him better now; it's like knowing your parents after you've grown up, where you understand better where they've come from.

For Laura, seeing Vex in all her glory was fabulous. She thinks Matt well understood Vex's motivations and her greed/generosity.

Liam felt so low with Orym's death. "It was not the way I would have ever wanted his story to end." Seeing Will was beautiful.

Caleb went to the Soltryce Academy because it's better to keep your enemies close, and also Beau made him.

Final gift tally:

Taliesin: looseleaf tea, a ball of Band-Aids (ew!), a laser pen, and deer knuckle bones (fitting)

Matt: an Oculus Quest 2 (!) and staffer Jerry's stapler

Laura: a small digital camera that insta-prints photos, A BAG OF SAM'S BABY TEETH GOD WHY

Liam: a ream of printer paper, the original shellacked Tower of Inquiry (ha!), candles from Cantrip Candles, and duct tape & gaffer tape

(It should also be noted that I was tracking these in real time as they switched and stole from each other, and at one point Laura gave Liam the shellacked tower in exchange for another gift--only at that point the tower was actually TALIESIN'S and not hers to give, so clearly the whole thing is moot and ought to be redone)

Liam makes Laura draw one last time from the Tower due to her earlier truthlessness, hahaha. No topple, though this sucker is now precarious. Theme songs for characters? Imogen: Barracuda by Heart. Orym: Queen. Ashton: War Baby.

We close on a gripping monologue about the tragic ephemeral joy experienced by seasonal decorations from a set Santa statue in a pilgrim hat. Who's writing these??

And that's it! Merry Christmas, and is it Thursday yet?

[keirahknightley]

Costume appreciation series: Barbie (2023) dir Greta Gerwig

Costume Design by Jacqueline Durran

[elloras]

First Close Up // Last Close Up

[galedekarios]

waterdeep & the city's wards: castle ward - part 2

"The splendors that await you in Waterdeep are legendary. Each of the city’s wards is detailed in this work, telling you what to expect depending on where you are, as well as what thrilling things you might see and do."

[from: volo's waterdeep enchiridion]

waterdeep is divided into a system of wards and civic districts. the six recognized wards are:

dock ward

castle ward

north ward

sea ward

southern ward

trades ward

notable parts of the city that aren't considered wards are the city of the dead and deepwater harbour and its surrounding isles (deepwater isle and stormhaven island).

in this meta, i'd like to first focus on the castle ward of waterdeep. the ward contains blackstaff academy, the yawning portal, the undermountain as well as other important landmarks and locations.

castle ward

castle ward heraldry with a golden griffon

castle ward map made by reddit user ravenxalmasy

i'll include an ambience video to listen to while reading:

rainy streets of waterdeep by dungeon crawler audio

general information

in his waterdeep echiridion, volo introduces the castle ward as follows:

"The Castle Ward is the heart and mind of Waterdeep, if not its soul. It houses the city’s military forces, courts, government, and the Market — the largest market square of any city in the North. It encompasses the City Navy’s docks in the Great Harbor and all of Mount Waterdeep, and it is home to six walking statues, numerous temples, and many other landmarks."

i already wrote a meta including the walking statues of waterdeep in my the splendours of waterdeep meta.

the important landmarks volo further highlights are the following:

"Castle Waterdeep stands above the city on a great bluff that extends out from the mountain, its towers soaring hundreds of feet into the sky. It surprises many to learn that this isn’t where Waterdeep’s rulers reside, nor from where the city is governed. The castle was and is a redoubt of last defense should the city be attacked, but for well over a century, the ruler of Waterdeep has occupied the Palace of Waterdeep — also known as Piergeiron’s Palace, and still called that by elderly and long-lived citizens (including many elves). Though not quite as large as the castle, the palace is far more comfortable and lavishly decorated, with many halls used by government officials, guildmasters, and nobles for meetings and court proceedings. If you have reason to be invited (not compelled, I should hope!) to meet with the Masked Lords or the Open Lord of Waterdeep, it will likely take place in the audience chamber of the palace. There, you can witness the ancient and humble throne that Ahghairon first sat upon so long ago.

Many other buildings in the ward are given over to city business, including several courts for magisters and the barracks of the City Guard. So many of the ward’s structures are offices and meeting halls for business owners, solicitors, publishers, and the like that the Castle Ward has the smallest resident population of all the wards. Many landmarks of interest are found in this ward aside from the six walking statues (discussed later in this chapbook). You could hardly see them all in a day, but the following are highly recommended.

Blackstaff Tower is a squat black blot in the otherwise pretty ward. Humble though the edifice might be, looking at the place for too long can give you a queasy feeling and the sense that you are being watched — almost as if the tower itself has turned an unseen and wrathful eye upon you. Perhaps you think this fanciful. Well, go and try it yourself!

On the opposite end of the mountain, close to the Naval Harbor, stands Mirt’s Mansion. Once a fortress-like and glowering tower, it has been upgraded with more delicate fashions of architecture since the return of its long-absent owner. Mirt has quite a history with Durnan, the proprietor of the Yawning Portal. Together they descended into “the Well,” as the entrance to Undermountain was known in olden days. Waterdeep used to throw criminals in the Well, leaving them to die horribly in Undermountain’s dungeons. Durnan and Mirt entered the dungeons of their own free will — and not only that, but returned laden with treasures. Both used magic to extend their lives, but they eventually parted ways. Mirt kept on with a life of adventure, while Durnan built the tavern called the Yawning Portal over the Well and now, almost two centuries later, charges coin to descend into it. Not a bad way to part fools from their money!

The glorious Spires of the Morning, dedicated to Lathander, is one of Waterdeep’s most beautiful temples. But it is rivaled in this ward by the Temple of the Seldarine, dedicated to all the elf gods. The journey through Mount Melody Walk, a tunnel cut through Mount Waterdeep, to New Olamn’s academy of music and other arts is a wondrous daytime excursion. The Market offers a wild array of sights, smells, and sounds in which folk might lose themselves for a tenday. The Font of Knowledge is a temple to Oghma, yes, but also the city’s largest public library. Titles written throughout the ages can be viewed here — under the watchful eyes of the temple’s priests. In short (if I can claim this section of the enchiridion to be such), the Castle Ward offers far too many splendors to list them all here.

The Castle Ward’s colors are blue and purple, and its mascot is a griffon, typically depicted in gold. These borrow colors from the city’s flag and reference the Griffon Cavalry, of course. Champions for the ward often come from among the ranks of the Guard, the Navy, or the Cavalry. Although such competitors have often have the advantage in races and competitions, their crowds of rabidly cheering fans are naturally much smaller than those of other wards."

[from: volo's waterdeep enchiridion]

the description of the castle ward from waterdeep dragon heist reads as follows, echoing the stateliness of this ward in particular, with its many temples and sights of commerce:

"In terms of both geography and power, Castle Ward is the city's center. Most, if not all, of the city's administrative buildings are within the ward boundaries, from the lofty spires of Piergeiron's Palace to the low-slung crenelations of the guard smithy. While money and social standing are the prevalent benchmarks of might in the City of Splendors, Waterdeep's true power and what keeps it running are the Lords and Magisters here. If you like the taste of power and authority mixed with the usual commerce of the city, Castle Ward is the place to go. The city guard maintains a strong presence in Castle Ward due to the concentration of city officials and areas of importance in need of heavier security. Even so, the watch maintains much of the order, especially around the Market, the Palace, and the Castle Ward docks. Like the guard, the watch makes a show of force in Castle. Ward, traveling in larger patrols of six and brandishing short swords in addition to their normal rods and clubs. The ward boundaries are the southern side of Julthoon Street over to Shield Street and down to Trader's Way on the north, meeting up with the High Road and Snail Street for the eastern perimeter. Lackpurse Lane, Belnimbra's Street, Gut Alley, and Shesstra's Street combine in an uneven boundary to the south, whereas the mountain and the coastline form the western edges of the ward. While Castle Ward covers the most territory, Mount Waterdeep makes up a lot of empty land and the ward is effectively a little larger than Sea or North Ward."

"It is hard to pin down a "typical" architectural detail for Castle Ward, as there are so many different structures here that dominate the skyline. The city buildings, temples, and wizards towers are impressive stone structures, with the Palace and Castle in leagues of their own. Folk who quest for power but lack the funds to rise above the merchant class often dwell in the environs north of Waterdeep Way, their homes either well-kept row houses of three to four stories or individual homes of one or two stories. In either case, structures tend to be timber and wattle-and-daub with stone foundations nestled among the shops. The southern leg of the ward is primarily made up of barracks and warehouses attached to the castle and to various wealthier merchants and noble houses. The only discernible difference between Castle Ward's docks and Dock Ward are the heavier watch patrols. In terms of roads and byways, Castle Ward is by far the easiest ward to traverse due to the paving on many of its larger, primary roads. Even with heavy cart traffic on the roads, it is possible to travel from the Field of Triumph to Castle Waterdeep in the same time it takes to cover one-third of Dock Ward's docks. The paving is primarily for access by dignitaries and officials of the city and other foreign powers (and use during holidays for parades)."

[source: waterdeep dragon heist]

neighbourhoods of the castle ward

the neighbourhoods of the castle ward with notable landmarks and buildings are listed as follows:

The Market

Upmarket: Amberpaths, Cascades, The Cliffride, Elvarren's Lane, Head Lane, Highdrake, Melshar's Ride, Spireshadows, Tanthruil, Tchozal's Race, Toalar's Path

East Midcastle: The Buckle, The Catwind, Duir's Trod, Eldath's Alley, Elsambul's Lane, Goldstar Path, The Houndtwist, Lamp Courts, Lhestyn's Turn, Lhoril's Alley, Manyspells Court, Solemnar's Trod, Summerkeep, Sweetglade, The Waverise, Zeldan's Alley

West Midcastle: Alnether's Prowl, Asmach's Wind, Autumngleam, Blackstave, Cage Street, Cymbril's Trod, Dozenalley, Hippogriff Maze, Jester's Court, Marlar's Lane, Mulgomir's Way, North Swords, Siren Lane, Threeshields, Turnback Court

Piergeiron's Palace: Aghairon's Plaza, Fetlock Court, Piergeiron's Palace

Downcastle: Barracks Court, Castlefoot, Court of Gems, Glittergleam, Mountroot, Old Temple, Owlroost, Portal Lane, the Reach, Tarnished Silver

while the living conditions range from the very wretched to those wealthy and aristocratic.

landmarks and notable locations in the castle ward

there are many landmarks worth exploring in the castle ward. in this post, as well as the posts centered around the wards, i'll mainly focus on those important to gale's story:

blackstaff tower/academy

the yawning portal

promenade of the dark maiden (my own oc purposes and all those who have a drow tav or a tav that follows the dark maiden eilistraee)

i will still touch on other landsmarks and locations, but not as in depth.

blackstaff tower / academy

Gale: “A misadventure from my days as an apprentice at Blackstaff Academy. I was but a child, only a few months into my studies, but already I knew I was destined for greatness. No one believed me, of course, so I decided to prove it. To cast a spell with the Blackstaff itself. From one perspective, I succeeded. I opened a portal. However, instead of pointing it at the first year dormitory, I found myself pulled into limbo, facing a very irritated Death Slaad. Fortunately the Blackstaff himself came to the rescue, hauling me backwards from the brink, and straight into several months of writing lines. Or rather, finessing my autograph.”

[source: gale's dialogue after visiting the abandoned wizard tower in the underdark]

blackstaff tower concept art

the tower is described as a foreboding structure, made out of smooth black stone, with no apparent way to enter it, seemingly having no windows or doors. its main entrance was on swords street, while apprentices could gain access by touching the gate with a left palm. the tower itself was surrounded by a great wall (20 foot / 6 meters). [source: forgottenrealmswiki].

most notably, the tower also has the ability to magically repair itself, a process supported by laeral silverhand, one of the seven sisters and chosen of mystra.

more views of the interior of the tower, including the great staircase which connects the different levels of the tower, a reading room, an apothecary, the library and other interior structures:

the interior of blackstaff tower is also described as follows:

"From the inside, windows appeared to show what was going on outside, but these were illusions. The interior (but not the exterior) of the tower was warded against magical intrusion. The tower was protected against scrying magic. Rooms were connected to the central stairwell and entry hall, which was full of floating doors and arches. Many alcoves and shelves covered the walls of the stairwell, displaying magical items and artifacts, and although they seemed unprotected, a command word was needed to remove any of them. The items changed on a regular basis, so returning to the same stairwell on another day might result in seeing different items. Leaving the dormitories without issuing a command word would lead to the second level's stairwell. Saying the command word��nhurlaen in the stairwell took one to the study. On the top floor of the tower was a study and a scrying chamber. There was also a parlor where Khelben displayed his art. In the library was one-way dimensional door to Candlekeep (the other side of the door led to Jester's Court nearby). As of 1374 DR, the tower's entry chamber contained a wardrobe that Khelben was able to use to access almost any closet in the tower. In the tower's kitchen, Khelben liked to serve cups of roasted chicory. Tunnels linked the tower's basement to Piergeiron's Palace and other locations in Waterdeep, which could be accessed by uttering the command word vhuarm. One such tunnel could be accessed at Northspur Rock on Northspur Landing on the Talltumble Stairs in Mountainside. [...] From the mid-to-late 14th century DR onward, the Tower was home not only to the Blackstaff, but to the Blackstaff's apprentices, which numbered fifty or so at any time. These apprentices, and their apprentices in turn, formed the Blackstaff Academy, an elite yet informal school for the training of wizards.

[source: forgottenrealmswiki]

the yawning portal

Gale: Believe it or not, but I witnessed a similar standoff back at the Yawning Portal. Of course, an establishment like that invites all sorts of outlandish entertainments. Player: What’s the Yawning Portal Gale: An inn in Waterdeep. Never a dull moment there. Adventurers come from all over Faerûn to try their luck down the well: Leads into the Undermountain, you see - full of death, danger, and vast amounts of treasure. Hard to resist. Player: What was the standoff about? Gale: Oh, a drow, a dragonborn, and a cleric of Cyric walk into a bar. Your standard fare. Maybe someone was cheating at cards, maybe it was some weird lovers’ quarrel. In any case, out came the crossbow, and a hush fell over the entire room.devnote Player: What happened next? Gale: I stood up and yelled: ‘Shadowdark ale for everyone!’ The crowd cheered, the tension drained into five dozen tankards, and soon all was well again. Gale: In a place like the Yawning Portal, the most powerful magic is calling for a round of drinks. Gale: Mind you, all I did was call for ale, but you went and stood in front of that crossbow. I’d drink to that.

[source: gale's dialogue after saving sazza the goblin]

concept art of the yawning portal [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

the yawning portal, which we know gale references once in the main game and once in the epilogue, implying that he's quite a frequent patron, is an infamous landmark in waterdeep:

The Yawning Portal was an inn and tavern in the city of Waterdeep that was renowned for being the primary open route into Undermountain. A well within its walls led down into the first level of the vast dungeon complex. It was owned and run by the famous adventurer Durnan the Wanderer. The name "Yawning Portal" referred to the deep well and also alluded to the habit of its patrons to tell wild stories. Naturally, the inn was a popular attraction among visitors to Waterdeep and a common point of departure as well as a refuge for expeditions into the extensive dungeons. [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

A well-known inn and tavern whose main feature is a massive well on the ground floor of the tavern, some 40 feet across, that descends 140 feet into the first level of Undermountain. There is a rope hoist that can be used to lower or raise those foolhardy enough to venture into Undermountain, at a cost of 1 gp per person. [source: waterdeep dragon heist]

layout and menu of the yawning portral [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

location of the yawning portral

The Yawning Portal was located on Rainrun Street in the upper part of Waterdeep's Castle Ward between Waterdeep Castle and Snail Street[ and close to Mount Waterdeep's eastern slope. Fronting onto the north side of the road, it stood next door to Mother Salinka's House of Pleasure, and beyond that, The Empty Keg tavern, on the west side, and next door Lankathla Dree's Bakery on the east side. Nearby also stood the magician Sobrey's Magic Shoppe and the smithy of Argali Smith. The inn's relative proximity to the city's docks helped it do good business. Its site was exactly that of the former Halaster's Hold, the demolished tower of the mad mage Halaster Blackcloak, the builder of Undermountain, and the inn was constructed over the well to Undermountain, which had previously been a place of execution, simply known as "the Well". [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

its exterior was made up out of mismatched fieldstone and a roof of "a steep-angled roof of unpainted dark-gray and black slate", giving it a rather drab appearance from the outside. the building had no windows on the ground floor, only on the upper floors, but it boasted several chimneys.

an old wooden sign, which was recovered and reused each time the inn was rebuilt, read simply "the yawning portal".

volo during a visit to the yawning portal [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

the yawning portal also boasts a host of rumours and legends, most recently, however, this:

Circa 1492 DR, a band of doppelgangers were rumored to operate out of the Yawning Portal. The Harpers and Emerald Enclave even sought people to investigate this.

the promenade of the dark maiden

"Eilistraee teaches us that we are not bound by the circumstances of our birth. We all may find beauty and light, if we have the courage to seek them." — Trelasarra Zuind

trelassara zuind, informal leader of the promenade since 1491 dr

the promenade of the dark maiden is located in the undermountain of waterdeep.

"The Promenade of the Dark Maiden was the most sacred temple to Eilistraee. It lay beneath Waterdeep, northeast of Skullport in Undermountain. The temple was composed of four major caverns. One cavern contained multiple buildings that were used as living quarters for the faithful. Another cavern named the Cavern of Song served as an open amphitheater used for songs and celebrations dedicated to Eilistraee. The third cavern consisted of living quarters for the priestesses. The fourth cavern was mostly occupied by the temple guards, storehouses, and armories. A large side cavern connected the Cavern of Song with Eilistraee's Mound. Within stood a large statue portraying the Dark Maiden (but actually modeled on Qilué Veladorn's appearance) and sculpted from a mound of rock. Next to the main temple was the Hall of Healing (a former temple of Moander that had been destroyed by worshipers of Tyr). This section was used as a place to shelter and tend to the temple's wounded and all those who were rescued by the Dark Ladies (including adventurers lost in the Undermountain). North of the Hall of Healing was a small cavern that was the destination of a one-way portal connecting to the sixth level of the Undermountain used to deliver wounded adventurers to the temple. Priestesses of the Promenade healed and welcomed any who came to the Hall, and were known to offer their friendship to (non-ill-intentioned) individuals of races who were more frequently than not met with prejudice and hostility." [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

the promenade held some influence in skullport and they had made it their mission to free slaves and adventurers that ran afoul the more powerful groups and bands within skullport. this earned them the nickname "slave shelterers" and they were regarded with animosity by those groups. other enemies were also worshippers of ghaunadaur (greater god of abominations, oozes and outcasts believed to be touched by the dark realms, and a part of the dark seldarine) as well as worshippers of lolth (most influential drow goddess, mother to eilistraee and vhaeraun) and vhaeraun (eilistraee's elder twin brother and part of the dark seldarine).

the dark promenade's history is defined by those friends and enemies:

the founder of the promenade qilué veladron, youngest of the seven sisters and chosen of mystra, was guided by eilistraee to extinguish the presence of ghanaudar. qilué was helped to victory by the dark maiden and mystra against ghanaudar. the battle took place within the undermountain (third-level). after her victory, eilistraee spoke to her:

"You must make a stand here close to the surface world, and you must be ever vigilant against the return of Ghaunadar. For a mighty city of humans shall rise above this place, and if you are to make peace with humankind and your elven kin of the surface world, this place is best suited for you."

qilué obeyed the words of her goddess, and she and other chosen of eilistraee patrolled these dark corridors (mockingly called promenades). during that time, the temple was being constructed, becoming habitable by 1357 dr.

the promenade had 392 habitants by 1375 dr.

the population of the promenade was severely diminished in 1370s, after an attack by followers of ghanaudar, nightshadows, followers of vhaeraun:

"In the 1370s DR, the Promenade was attacked by a new cult of Ghaunadaur. Nightshadows, former followers of Vhaeraun and later followers of the "Masked Lady" (following the death of Vhaeraun at Eilistraee's hand, and her taking on his portfolio), were sent to infiltrate various drow houses who worshiped Ghaunadaur, but this allowed the cultists to locate some portals leading to the temple. Taking advantage of this, the followers of the Elder Eye proceeded to attack, hoping to release the trapped avatar of their god. However, the glyph of insanity that Qilué had placed on the prison made many cultists go insane. Despite this, the assailants were supported by an army of slimes and decimated the population of the Promenade. In the fierce battle, almost all the Protectors of the Song and Darksong Knights were killed, along with many of the priestesses and of the followers who lived there or were visiting. The battle also caused the seals on Ghaunadaur's prison to break and his avatar to escape, even though it would be soon tricked into attaching itself to a fleeing Nightshadow. He sacrificed himself, going through a portal that led to "a plane of endless mazes" and dying in the process, to trap the avatar there." [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

after the second sundering, eilistraee returned and with that, she also breathed new life into the promenade:

"After returning, Eilistraee personally appeared under the walls of Waterdeep, leading many of her followers to travel to the city. Some of them found the support of Remallia Haventree and started creating a forest-temple, named The Dancing Haven, within Waterdeep itself. While originally meant to be created in the Field Ward of Waterdeep, due to the chaotic developments of that area, the Dancing Haven was temporarily moved to the North Ward. The Eilistraeens planted and grew a small grove of trees within an abandoned, roofless building, and then used it as a temple and base of operations. From there, the moondancers led a series of expeditions to cleanse, rebuild and resupply the Promenade. In the 1490s DR, a dozen priestesses, four novices, and nine lay guardians populated the temple; Trelasarra Zuind was their (informal) leader. Few knew of the restored Promenade (aside from followers of Eilistraee), but rumors regarding it restoration spread in Skullport." [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

by 1491 dr, the promenade would have around 25 inhabitants again, including trelassara zuind:

"After the restoration of the temple, Trelasarra, a dozen clerics of the Dark Maiden, four novices, and nine lay warriors moved there. They established a new base of operations, linked to the Dancing Haven in Waterdeep. The followers of Eilistraee tried to keep their presence a secret but, as rumors started spreading in the near and dangerous Skullport, Trelasarra opted to garrison the temple as if at war." [source: forgottenrealmswiki]

of course, the castle ward has many more locations of note to offer. the following list is taken from waterdeep dragon heist:

Rentals

Banderly Rooming House: A four-story boarding house kept by the Banderlys, two married women who pride themselves on providing good, clean, safe accommodations.

Fair Winds: Rental Villa

Heroes' Rest: Rental Villa, owned by House Melshimber

Marblehearth: Rental Villa

Sablehearth: Rental Townhouse (Northern Swords Street)

Sapphire House: Inn, Rooming House

Stormwatch: Rental Villa

Businesses

Baltorr's Rare & Wondrous Treasures: Shop (Curios) and Warehouse. A curio and coin shop owned by an expert on coins and military markings.

Crommor's Warehouse: Warehouse

The Curious Past: Shop (Historical Curios & Books)

Danimar Fine Wines: Shop (Wine) The Danimar family are one of the oldest holders of licenses by House Melshimber to sell its wines in the city of Waterdeep. They do a brisk business in both the imported and domestic Melshimber vintages.

Dathchant Engravings: Shop (Engraving services)

Diloontier's Apothecary: Shop (Apothecary)

The Golden Key: Shop (Locks) Ansilver the Locksmith (Southern Street of the Sword)

Halambar Lute & Harps: Shop (Stringed Musical Instruments) The premiere place to find any stringed instrument of the Realms. It is also host to a magical harp that sings by itself and is rumored to have connections to the Harpers in some capacity. (Southern Street of the Sword)

Halls of Hilmer: Shop (Armor). Master Armorer Hilmer's shop is hard to miss due to its front of polished plate armor. He sells custom-made armor that is without parallel on the Sword Coast. The shop features practice rooms for trying out his armor. (Southern Street of the Sword)

Hilmer Warehouse: Warehouse (Halls of Hilmer) (Southern Street of the Sword)

Kreis' Fine Wine and Spirits: Import/Export (Spirits) An import business run by Tyrannus Adarbrent.

Mother Tamra's House of Graces: School (Grace, Etiquette, Comportment)

The Market: The largest open area of the city that plays host to hundreds of stalls and camped vendors able to sell nearly anything in the Realms, and many thieves to relieve one of same.

Nureene's Marvelous Masks: Shop (Masks)

Old Knot Shop: Shop (Sailing Gear)

Olmhazan's Jewels: Shop (Jewelry)

Paethier's Pipeweed: Shop (Tobacco)

Phalantar's Philtres & Components: Shop (Herbs and Medicines) (4c). A small shop for medicinal herbs and ingredients for oils, perfumes and potions. It is said that Phalantar allegedly supports adventuring companies in exchange for the rare substances he sells here.

Rebeleigh's Elegant Headware: Shop (Hats)

Sorynth's Silverware: Shop (Silver Goods)

"Sharkroar" Horth Sharlark's Broadsheets: Printer (Broadsheets)

Velstrode the Venturer's: Shop: (Adventuring Goods)

Inns

The Jade Jug: Waterdeep's plushest inn with luxury in every detail, and well worth the expensive price.

Lazy Dragon: A newly-established inn (Old Temple)

The Pampered Traveler

Sapphire House: An expensive rooming five-story house across Swords Street from Blackstaff Tower that has provided room and board for more than one of the Blackstaff's apprentices who found the Tower to be a little too confining (Northern Swords Street)

Wyrmbones Inn

The Yawning Portal: A well-known inn and tavern whose main feature is a massive well on the ground floor of the tavern, some 40 feet across, that descends 140 feet into the first level of Undermountain. There is a rope hoist that can be used to lower or raise those foolhardy enough to venture into Undermountain, at a cost of 1 gp per person. (Southern Castle Ward)

Taverns

The Asp's Strike

The Blue Jack

The Crawling Spider: A tavern for subterraneans that pine for their homes (as well as regulars who like the thrilling atmosphere), decorated as if underground with serving folk dressed as drow elves. Well known for its subterranean dancing floor, and the many small "caverns" that lead off of it whose dark recesses are best left alone by the curious. (Southern Street of the Sword)

The Crow's Nest: A modest but comfortable tavern; a favorite among the clerks, bureaucrats, and visitors of nearby Castle Waterdeep. (Southern Castle Ward)

The Dragon's Head

The Elfstone: An old earthy tavern, with live trees in the walls and the bar, that caters to elves and half-elves, and is a rare source of such delicacies as elverquisst, guldathen nectar and maerlathen blue wine. (Southern Street of the Sword)

The Empty Keg: A rough-and-tumble beer-hall. Later in the eve, it often sees visits from some of the unattached ladies from Mother Salinka's next door, looking to lure some of the drinkers back to their boudoirs. (Southern Castle Ward)

The Flagon Dragon: A modest neighborhood pub renowned for its zzar (Waterdhavian mulled wine) and talyths (a palm-sized cracker with a thin slice of sausage on top, and a mixture of cheese, herbs, mashed root vegetables and other ingredients whose recipe is a house secret) (Northern Swords Street)

The Mighty Manticore: An older friendly tavern with ample ale and light evening fare at affordable prices that attracts a loyal clientele of merchants at the close of day.

The Quaffing Quaggoth:A dwarf-owned tavern and a growing favorite among the city's sailors, merchants and young nobles. The tavern is well-known for the house specialty: a thick-brewed stout mixed with an unknown liquor that is called the Quaggoth for its rumored ability to cure every hair on a quaggoth and then some.

The Red-Eyed Owl: A comfortable, unimpressive local ale-house that is a favorite of the average Waterdhavian locals, well-loved for its cheap ale and heavily spiced coast chowder. (Southern Castle Ward)

Sailor's Own: A crowded, dark, and dirty sailor's dive bar.

The Singing Sword

The Sleepy Sylph: A popular tavern for visitors to Waterdeep, featuring driftglobe lights and scantily clad waitstaff dressed as fairies. (Southern Castle Ward)

Festhalls

Blushing Nymph: An upscale brothel known for its exotic pleasures. (Southern Castle Ward)

The Crawling Spider: A tavern for subterraneans that pine for their homes (as well as regulars who like the thrilling atmosphere), decorated as if underground with serving folk dressed as drow elves. Well known for its subterranean dancing floor, and the many small "caverns" that lead off of it whose dark recesses are best left alone by the curious. (Southern Street of the Sword)

Genmura's Stage: A bawdy burlesque palace with two floors of small, cheap, stinking rooms above its taphall, Genmura's sees plenty of seedy sorts, criminals, dock hands, and sailors just come a'shore. (Old Temple).

Jhural's Dance: Nowhere near as raucous as many festhalls, Jhrual prides himself on the seductive, intimate environment he fosters in his hall. Plenty of alcoves and nooks to hide in with someone in close company, all surrounding a stage where his festhall workers dance to advertise their wares. His festhall is also notable for its equal proportion of men and women performers. (Northern Swords Street)

Lightsinger Theater

Mother Salinka's House of Pleasure: A shabby, low-coin festhall. (Southern Castle Ward)

Mother Tathlorn's House of Pleasure & Healing

The Smiling Siren: A festhall that specializes in small plays and the hosting of traveling troupes (burlesque and otherwise). (Northern Street of Silver)

Temples

The Font of Knowledge: Temple to Oghma.

The Halls of Justice: Temple to Tyr.

The House of Two Hands: Monastery to Tyr.

The Pantheon Temple of the Seldarine: Temple to the Seldarine (Elven Gods). When elven clergy of the Seldarine approached the Masked Lords to ask for permission to establish a Pantheon temple to their gods, it was considered a coup for relations between Waterdeep and the elven peoples. Waterdeep has always had an extensive elven population and is indeed the site where the Grey Ships of Evermeet come at Midsummer to carry away those elves who tire of Faerûn and seek to return to elven lands. When that permission was quickly given, the elves asked for an allotment of property right in the middle of a busy and crowded Castle Ward neighborhood, shocking the Lords. Even when pressed, the elves would not explain their choice; so without further ado, the grant was given. The Pantheon Temple is a tall, dour structure of gleaming white stone flecked with silver, but has within it a garden and long walking galleries between the shrines to the elven deities.

The Spires of Morning: Temple to Lathander. A walled garden compound with eight beautiful gilded towers that reflect Lathander's dawn. (Northern Swords Street)

City Buildings

Peaktop Aerie :Headquarters for griffon mounts of City Guard. Rorden Rialter Obyrdar is currently on duty at the Peaktop Aerie where the griffons are kept. 

Guard Barracks: City Guard Barracks (Southern Castle Ward)

Guard Smithy: Smithy for City Guard

Bell Tower: A simple bell tower used to signal fires, attacks and calls for assembly at the Palace. (15 Guard at all times)

Palace Storage: Warehouses for Piergeiron's Palace

Palace Stables: Stables for Piergeiron's Palace

Palace Paddocks: Paddocks for Piergeiron's Palace

Walking Statue: One of the eight known 90-foot-tall stone golems created by Khelben Arunsun to defend any gaps in Waterdeep's defenses, this regal figure stands at the Gull Leap cliff at the end of Julthoon Street.

Watching Towers: Sentry Towers

Piergeiron's Palace: The center of Waterdeep's government with various courts, embassies and city offices therein, as well as the living chambers of the Open Lord Piergeiron the Paladinson.

Castle Waterdeep: Castle for the Masked Lords of Waterdeep and the Magistrates' Courts.

Ahghairon's Tower: The slim stone tower of the original First Lord of the city that is surrounded by invisible magical barriers that suspend the skeletal remains of a wizard that tried to get into the tower.

Guildhalls

The House of Gems: Jeweller's Guild

The Map House: Surveyors', Map and Chart-Makers Guild

Fellowship Hall: Fellowship of Innkeepers. The headquarters of the Fellowship of Innkeepers that operates as a member-only inn one night a tenday.

The Master Baker's Hall: Bakers' Guild (Southern Street of the Sword)

Tower of the Order: Watchful Order of Magists & Protectors. A three-story stone tower surrounded by a fence of sparkling green lights that coalesce into Azuth's and Mystra's symbols, with the hand of Azuth over the tower door rumored to watch the tower and fire magic at any intruders.

Guildhall of the Order: Solemn Order of Recognized Furriers & Woolmen

Pewterer's Guildhall: Pewterers & Casters Guild

House of Fine Carvers: Fine Carvers Guild. The slate-roofed wooden base of the Fine Carvers Guild, easily found on the High Road with its frieze of carved animals and people, including Ahghairon and other First Lords.

The Market Hall: Farmers and Grocers Guild

Alleys & Courts

Cat Alley: this narrow twisting, turning passage was frequented years ago by a masked, rapier-wielding man of wealth who scared young women and cut away their garments but was never arrested.

Elsambul's Lane: named for a long-dead priest of Mask and now one of the few areas with graffiti on its walls (they say Elsambul himself still leaves enigmatic messages and clues to hidden treasures on the walls!), it attracts many folk beyond simple curiosity seekers.

Jesters' Court: a courtyard frequented now by hard-currency girls and minstrels that has also been a performance stage for jugglers and comics as well as a meeting place for eloping lovers.

Sevenlamps Cut: named for seven fancy magical lamps placed here long ago by Ahghairon himself, this safe alley is the place to hire spellcasters (apprentice wizards and poor underpriests) for quick healing, curse removals, or some magical firepower for your latest excursion into Undermountain.

Turnback Court: a lamplit, shallow alley at the end of Selduth Street that is used as a rallying point for watch and guard patrols both day and night.

this concludes my collection of information about waterdeep's castle ward for now. it's a sprawling topic, each and every ward, and i'm sure there are things i missed or forgot!

still, i hope this was of use to someone other than myself!

tag list: @evenstar-crescentmoon, @criticalgale, @ofthedirewolves

if you want to be added (or taken off) the tag list, please let me know! 🖤

[oyeixcher]

First as Yok in Not Me ↳ Episode 7 

S" "So your mother works at Tawi's manufacturer?" Y: "Yes. I knew that just now too. She was suspended from work because of the mess we made." W: ("The more people affected, the more they will oppose what we're doing. Those who used to be on our side might change their minds.") S: "I am sorry. Sorry, my plan got your mum in trouble." Y: "It isn't your fault." S: "I don't know anymore if what we're doing is the right thing." Y: "Don't overthink it. We've come this far. It's not like we can back off now. I'll deal with things on my side.

[menelaiad]

Why did Agamemnon and Menelaus part on bad terms from Troy?

athena made them fight! she and zeus are angry at the greeks for how they handled the whole troy thing and i think athena has particular beef about the palladium? and the cassandra/ajax incident, so they just want to make the homecoming for all the greeks unpleasant.

so she makes menelaus and agamemnon fight (which divides the greek army). they fight because menelaus just wants to leave and go home but agamemnon says that they should wait and try and appease athena, with sacrifice and offerings because she's clearly pissed at them. but menelaus doesn't wait. and he goes with nestor, diomedes and odysseus (but odysseus goes back to agamemnon after a stop at lesbos). whilst agamemnon stays behind.

nestor tells it in book 3 of the odyssey:

“Gray-eyed Athena, daughter of the Thunder, became enraged and brought about disaster. She set the sons of Atreus to fight each other. Hastily, they called the people at sunset, not observing proper norms. The men arrived already drunk on wine; the brothers told them why they called the meeting.                Then Menelaus said that it was time to sail back home across the open sea. But Agamemnon disagreed entirely. He wanted them to stay and sacrifice to heal the sickness of Athena’s wrath— pointless! He did not know she would not yield. The minds of the immortals rarely change. So those two stood and argued angrily, and with a dreadful clash of arms the Greeks leapt up on two opposing sides. We slept                that eerie night with hearts intent on hatred against each other—since Zeus meant us harm. At dawn one group of us dragged down our ships into the sea piled high with loot and women, while half the army still remained there, stationed with Agamemnon, shepherd of the people.”

and a fragment from Nostoi of the epic cyle also gives details about it. proclus' chrestomathia ii talks about it!

so it wasn't like bad terms in that they grew to hate each other or anything. it was just a disagreement that, had agamemnon lived longer, they probably would have resolved or even forgotten about. but. like. agamemnon doesn't live long after coming back from troy. menelaus never sees him again. the last time they speak to each other is a fight. is them divided and one of them leaving the other behind. and considering throughout the homeric works menelaus and agamemnon are such a Unit. they're a team. they're seen together a lot in the iliad. it's just really sad.

and i think menelaus' reaction to agamemnon's death makes it even sadder because OF COURSE he will be sad over his brother dying, but you can't help but think does he feels guilt that they left on such bad terms? that he won't get the chance to rectify it. their last memory of each other is a huge fight. and that's so sad. because that's not who they were or what their dynamic was shown to be for 99% of the time.

[atopvisenyashill]

IF YOU LIKE THIS ASOIAF CHARACTER, I THINK YOU’LL LIKE THIS FARSCAPE CHARACTER

i did a “all gays” thing for my birthday last year but i was too lazy this year. instead here is my opinion of farscape & asoiaf characters, comparing characters i think are similar.

if you like theon greyjoy…i think you’ll like john crichton (he’s the main character).

Conga Line Of Trauma

Very loose grip on reality

Struggles with choosing between the family he’s been kidnapped into and the family he was born into

Top Two best story arcs about male victims of sexual trauma imo

Copes by imagining himself as a character in a story rather than face his reality

Pathetic wet cat of a man

if you like jaime lannister…i think you’ll like aeryn sun

theyre hot shit and everyone knows it even though they hate it - the ☀️ radiant aeryn sun☀️ and “was there ever a man as beautiful and terrible”

Well known for being good at their job (which is killing people)

Idealist that got that idealism beaten out of them

constantly repressing emotions

an arc that is very romance centered but atypical as a traditional romance

if you like brienne and/or sandor…i think you’ll like ka d’argo.

Young, experienced but not too experienced military type

Struggles with idealism and what being a soldier/knight should mean

Not forthcoming about backstory

Struggles with temper

Cool And Important Weapon And Mount

Considered mindlessly violent by many

Very weird about romance and sex

if you like catelyn stark…i think you’ll like pa’u zotah zhaan

religious and maternal

pacifist tendencies but also will cut a bitch if pressed

Infamous for being unpleasant

Traumatic death scenes

Questionable relationship with the concept of dying and staying dead

MILFs

if you like sansa and arya stark…i think you’ll like chiana

Their Series’ Hottest It Girls

Idolizes rebellion leading older brother (who ultimately abandons her in favor of his rebellion)

Desperate for family

Holds emotions close, but highly emotional

Taste for finer things in life

Baby of the group

Struggles with grief and anger

Spunky go getter

Questionable taste in romantic relationships

if you like tyrion lannister….i think you’ll like scorpius

mother died birthing him and he struggles with this immensely

tormented by a crazy ruthless woman in power

feels betrayed by a lover of a lower social status just trying to get by and gets real violent over it

The Anti Villain - has very good reasons to be insane but holy shit is he insane

Always survives despite all odds against him

If you like Joffrey Baratheon…I think you’ll like Dominar Rygel XVI (hear me out!)

Absolute ruler who faces civil war

Wildly misogynistic weirdo

Weak grasp on morality

Turned into a violent, selfish asshole as a trauma response

Hates women yet his deepest, most profound and intimate relationships are with a woman he’s not even fucking

Remains selfish and violent throughout the story but also, if you talk shit about him i will throw hands

if you like samwell tarly…i think you’ll like Pilot.

Couple of sweet fools

Underrated for being a bad ass

Intimate relationship with a Very Cool Lady From A Bad Situation (gilly/moya. moya is a living ship btw).

Just wants to be a nerd and hang with his gf (again, gilly and moya)

Doesn’t believe in himself the way he should

if you like stannis baratheon…i think you’ll like bailar crais.

Is he a hero? is he a villain? is he an anti villain? is he an anti hero? you decide!

loses his everloving mind after his brother dies

sad traumatic childhood backstory

an arc focused on what service and leadership means

[SPOILER REDACTED]

HE thinks he’s the straight man in a circle of freaks and he thinks this while being objectively the biggest freak there

and last but not least let’s go to my babies!!!!

if you like bran stark…i think you’ll like stark.

Overwhelming magical abilities

Connects magically in intimate, voyeuristic ways

Potentially unkillable

Considered a sweetie by Local MILF (his mom/zhaan)

Struggles processing a personal loss

A narrative focus on the importance of bodily autonomy

Doesn’t have as much screentime/page time as he deserves

[themalhambird]

The world is not real: Charlotte cannot touch it. This -news-, this tragedy  is not real either, and it cannot touch her. There’s too much cotton in her ears, there’s an endless, keening chime slowly boring through her skull- in at one temple, out at the other- a continuous line, all the way through…

She is sitting on the sofa. There’s a cup and saucer cradled in her hands. She doesn’t remember picking it up, but the steam is ghosting over her face. It’s fresh. (Her husband is dead). Polly must have given it to her. (Her husband died at his own hand.) They have a visitor, she ought to be showing more hospitality. She wonders if there’s any of that fruitcake left. (Alfred confessed to murder. Alfred confessed to murder,  and then Alfred murdered himself)

“Mama?”

Polly’s voice, soft and tentative as it is, makes her jump. Tea sloshes, spills over, pools in the delicate saucer. She shakes herself and focuses her gaze on Sir Julian. “That’s not,” she tries, but the sound barely forms. Charlotte pauses, swallows, tries again. “That’s not right,” she says, unsure if she’s really addressing Sir Julian Harker or merely facing his direction whilst trying to bargain with a Higher Power. “That’s not- none of this is right, Alfred wouldn’t- he wouldn’t do any of it, any of this…” But he has. He has, he has, he has, and when he comes home she’s going to skin him alive. “What will we do?” she asks, as the first beginnings of fear worm their way through the numbness of shock. “The disgrace of it-”

“Mama!” Polly cries, indignant. “At this moment, of all moments, your thoughts cannot be of what other people will think- what does that matter, what do any of them matter!”

It matters because they have never been reckless with money, but savings will not last forever and Charlotte doesn’t know if the widows of Police Inspectors who confess to capital offences and then take their own lives qualify for any sort of pension. It matters because the disapprobation of society in any circumstances can be death by a thousand cuts, whereas the widow who has the sympathies of her community has a better chance at maintaining a somewhat genteel situation. It matters because the infamy of the father will cast a shadow over the life and the character of the daughter- the best chance for Polly, now, is marriage, but what respectable, decent man would want a father- in- law six feet deep in unconsecrated ground?

“Mrs Hillinghead,” Sir Julian says solemnly, “I wish to assure you that you and your daughter will have the fullness of my protection. The events of the last twenty four hours- they will not reflect on you, nor on your daughter. You have my word.”

She acknowledges his words without really understanding- it will not be until much later, lying in a too-empty bed and staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep- that Charlotte will consider that Harker told Polly about Alfred’s death before he told her, that he stood as close to Polly’s chair as proprietary allows for, that he has seemed- these past few weeks- to admire Polly: her beauty, her music. And perhaps nothing will come of it but friendship- , but the friendship of a man that powerful is not an asset to be scorned. And if it turns into anything more…

They were nineteen, she and Alfred, when they married- they had been friends their whole lives before that. And she had known about him:  years before they had married, she had known that  his desires steered his eyes not towards the ranks of giggling, frivolous girls who batted their eyelashes at his well built figure and handsome face, but to other members of his own sex. And she had ignored it, because she knew him: he was too good a man to act on those desires. And he was kind, and gentle, and they were friends, and a husband who would be perfectly happy to conduct a marriage with minimal activity in the matrimonial bed suited Charlotte. She had courted him as much as he had courted her, really, although whether he ever realised that…

And he’s dead. Her best friend of nearly forty years. The murder confession, she has already written off- she neither knows nor cares about the details. If it was a false confession, then he confessed to try and protect someone- probably that journalist, given the confession it prompted to her, and she is furious at him. She is furious at him for not protecting his wife and child, and for not letting the journalist face whatever justice he merited- unless, of course, the man threatened to reveal Alfred’s inclinations, and take the Inspector who had detected his crimes down along with him. That seems, to Charlotte, the most likely explanation. And if the confession is- was- true, then Alfred must have had good reason for taking another man’s life: she has seen him carry spiders in the palm of his hand to release them outside, rather than squash them underfoot; she has listened to him vent his frustrations about officers being too heavy handed with their arrests at more dinners than she can remember. Taking another human life…it must have broken something in his mind, which would explain being in such a state that he would…. It does not matter. Alfred is dead, either way- she is a widow, either way. And she will encourage Julian Harker’s friendship, because if Polly can catch him she will have a comfortable home, and a husband who seems a good hearted and generous man. And she, Charlotte, will grieve Alfred Hillinghead. But if his death unravels into the scandal she fears, then she will take care to grieve him quietly. She will survive this. She has to. She has to survive this so that there’s someone who remembers that Alfred Hillinghead played cricket as a boy and took two sugars in his tea.

[remythologise]

You win as always I just started watching IWTV hope it won’t disappoint but I trust you completely after Black Sails.

Do you have the list of the things you would force people to watch if you could?

This is such a delightful ask thank you so much!! I look forward to hearing your thoughts when you finish season 2!!!

It’s definitely a harder question because I do force people to watch it based on their tastes (i.e. I have forced my Tumblr besties to watch at least three different movies released in 2011 for gay subtext as the main recommendation factor but would not do this to my work colleagues)… HOWEVER!!! Based on broad factors of what I HAVE in the past forced my friends/loved ones to watch these are the winners…

ROMANCE/ROM-COM Crash Landing on You This is the best rom com ever made.* Nothing has ever brought my mom AND dad to laughter, tears, and had them BOTH proclaim ‘5 stars’. I cannot recommend this show strongly enough to anyone who has remotely liked a single rom com, ever.**

COMEDY Galavant Niche audience of people who love fantasy and musicals includes ME motherfucker!

Honourable mention: Deadloch, Utopia (AU), Derry Girls This is really just a series of non-American comedies I would recommend to people if they hadn’t seen it. Deadloch specifically I am SHOCKED and APPALLED more people on Tumblr are not on top of and AM continually threatening my friends with a gun to watch it, or else!!

HORROR Hannibal and IWTV Both absolutely all-time must watches but only for people that would be into that sort of thing (sickos with taste) and not look at me weirdly afterwards for recommending it.

CRIME/THRILLERS The Devil Judge and Beyond Evil Crazy how these two shows came out at like, the same time, were both so similar in terms of the Wildly Gay Subtextual Leads Dynamic and so good. And they (were) both on Netflix!! Beyond Evil is definitely more refined BUT The Devil Judge is also so good and wild and such camp fun… you couldn’t go wrong with either if you enjoy having a fun gay time, particularly not if you like shows just to the left of Hannibal/IWTV.

FANTASY  Word of Honour and The Untamed These are not all-timers because they are ‘objectively well-made’ they are all timers because I shake my friends by the shoulders and yell "I had the absolute most fun gay fantasy romance time watching them and you will too!"

HISTORICAL Spartacus and Black Sails Everyone talks about Black Sails on this website but not enough people talk about how Spartacus walked so Black Sails could run. Much more extreme R-rated and/or triggering content in Spartacus though so I do understand. Nevertheless something I do end up recommending to my male friends a lot (and they love it!!).

SCI-FI  Dark REALLY tough category and I didn’t love the ending of this show but decided to pick based on what I'd recommend to the most people on balance. Don't look up spoilers!

For All Mankind Ok I haven’t even finished season 3 of this show so I can’t properly endorse it in full confidence and I’m also biased because I’m currently watching it, but. I simply love to see the BSG showrunner do what he does best: make television. About People, Politics and Situations In Space!

Honourable mention: The OA, In the Flesh and Sense8 These are my ‘wish they weren’t cancelled’*** and I don’t know if I would inflict on people while incomplete. However I just think what they were aiming for was so so unique and good that maybe they’re worth watching anyway!! (***I know Sense8 had the consolation prize movie but it was so rushed and nothing that like. To Me. It doesn't count.)

ANIME Shin Sekai Yori This is definitely the all-time anime I recommend to absolutely everyone. Ignore the middling animation and don’t look up spoilers, the end has one of the most existential ‘reframes the narrative’ plot twists of all time.

Yuri on Ice Speaking of plot twists that reframe the narrative… YOI is an obvious answer but it’s also correct!!! IT WAS BORN TO MAKE HISTORY!!!

FILMS The Handmaiden Limiting myself to ONE film to keep things a little briefer (sorry about the long post!) it was still an easy choice and literally do force my friends to watch it the second I know they haven’t seen it. No spoilers but it’s the IWTV of cinema to me.

*When Harry Met Sally Is of course also the best rom com ever made for its medium and I would be remiss not to include that here as well!

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

Current mood

[bisexualshadowheart]

a confession gone terribly wrong.

transcript under cut:

River: It's not like you to be this quiet. I thought you enjoyed the vacation. Rumi: I did! I had fun, the kids had fun. I just… River: Just what? Rumi: […] River: Rumi. C'mon. I've known you since freshman year. I know when something is bothering you. Rumi: I did something. I didn't want to tell you—not until after Winterfest at least— River: What? What did you do? Rumi: … I met someone. When I went out alone. It kind of got out of control and we… don't make me say it. River: […] Rumi: Say something. Please. River: Are you serious? Rumi: I'm sorry! There was just something there. I shouldn't have— River: 'There was something there'? Are you fucking kidding me? We have three kids, Rumi! Rumi: I know! I'm sorry! I was going to say something after Winterfest, I swear! River: I cannot believe you. River: And Thalia's birthday is right before Winterfest, too. You have some shit timing. Rumi: […] River: I can't deal with this. Not right now. Unbelievable. Rumi: I'm sorry— River: That does shit for us right now, Rumi. I really could care less, or trust anything you have to say. Rumi: What are you going to do? River: I need some space. I'll stay with my brother for a night. Rumi: But you'll be back? River: Eventually. Rumi: Okay. Rumi: Can I help you pack a bag or— River: No. Space. I can't even look at you right now. Rumi: Okay. I'm sorry… I love you. River: Whatever you say, Rumi.

[loquaciousquark]

from the dusty annals of yesteryear

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:09 PM how's the fic?

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:09 PM i'm halfway through the letters he's just called her a pet name and gone dark i think malcolm is going to die while he's away and also danarius

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:09 PM OH NO why

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:09 PM it's going to be a busy three months well because hawke is not hawke if she comes out of dragon age 2 with all her family members and leandra doesn't die if malcolm is still alive

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:10 PM is leandra going to die?

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:10 PM well i know bethany and carver don't die and i think having all five survive is a bit pat but bethany and carver become templar & circle mage and…i think leandra still dies and that means malcolm needs to die

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:11 PM :( :( :( :( :( :( :(((((((((((((((((

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:12 PM and i like the parallelism of them both losing someone important to them in the same time period and having such different reactions do you think it's a bad call?

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:12 PM who does he lose?

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:12 PM danarius

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:12 PM oh ah

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:13 PM i suppose i also feel like there has been enough success in this fic there needs to be a loss

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:13 PM yes absolutely no i mean so long as leandra and carver and bethany all survive the fic and then you still have carver and bethany surviving da2 in your head

Quark - Sep 7, 2015, 9:13 PM hahahahhahaha yes

Jade - Sep 7, 2015, 9:13 PM i think you are right

[neverallnorman]

Are there any places in Fairville that Norman likes to hang around? What do people think of him before he's arrested? What do they think of him after?

This ask is from… seven years ago. But I’m gonna answer it anyways!

Before his mother met Joe Considine, Norman spent most of his time either at school or the library. He’s always loved to read and likes to learn just for the sake of learning. The librarians probably knew him by name and set aside books that they thought he would enjoy – almost always nonfiction, often history or philosophy. Norma didn’t mind so long as he was home before dark. Given that Fairvale is about 15 miles away from his house, he would have had to rely on the bus system, and if you’ve ever lived in a small, conservative town, you know how shitty public transportation is there. That alone made it nigh impossible to spend too long in Fairvale proper.

He also spent a lot of time at church. And hated it.

When Norma met Joe, she put her heart and soul into building and running that motel. This meant Norman spent less time at school and church and more time helping her run the place, usually just by doing odd little chores here and there. By the time the highway moved, driving all of the traffic away from the motel and leaving the business barren, Norman had already faded from most public consciousness.

A few people here and there still knew him. Fairvale is an extremely small town where everybody knows everybody else’s business. Grocers, plumbers, electricians thought of Norman fondly. When news broke that Norma and her boyfriend had died, Norman actually lived with Al Chambers and his wife for a short time; he was only 15 and couldn’t live independently just yet, especially not after such a horrific, tragic event. They adored him and treated him as well as they would their own child.

Norman began to run the motel entirely on his own. No one whispered about all of the missing girls, because they weren’t Fairvale natives; they were wayward girls who became lost along the highways, took a wrong turn, and had the misfortune to wind up in the lobby of the Bates Motel. No one in Fairvale knew them and so nobody thought to question what Norman might be doing up there all alone. Someone in town might think about him briefly. The librarian, maybe, when seeing a book on the history of the Incas; the plumber when he has a client offering him bottled water after a difficult job; a retired schoolteacher recalling a student with anxious eyes and a stutter whose name she can’t quite place.

Or they think about him when someone mentions that awful thing that happened five, eight, ten years ago. A murder-suicide in Fairvale? Unheard of. That poor boy, living like a hermit out in the middle of nowhere.

In 1959, Marion Crane goes missing. $40,000 is swallowed up by the swamp. Norman Bates is caught red-handed and charged with the murder of not just Marion, but six other people. The swamp behind the house is dragged, cars pulled from the muck. There’s more than just the seven. Girls from Las Vegas, Colorado, Arizona, San Diego. All blonde. All eerily similar looking.

Say, wasn’t Norma Bates a blonde? Surely you don’t think—?

People in Fairvale try not to talk about it, or when they do, it’s in hushed whispers behind gossipy hands. Suddenly everyone remembers Norman Bates. He bought groceries in town two weeks before he was arrested, didn’t he? They remember him as a little boy they knew from school. As the motel manager who helped their elderly grandmother carry her luggage to cabin seven. That nice man who…

Did all of those horrible things. Those poor girls. And the way he was caught in his mother’s clothing – and he kept Norma’s body up there, too, did you hear? The papers say he tried to taxidermy her. Kept her corpse in the bed, had conversations with it. They drive past the sign for the Bates Motel and their mind immediately goes to the headlines. They know exactly where they were when they heard the news. Seven Bodies Found at Roadside Motel. Later: Motel Killer Dubbed Fairvale Psycho, Found Unfit to Stand Trial.

Books are published about the case and its impact on small, sleepy Fairvale. The murders are described in horrific, graphic detail. TV specials play on late night cable that do the same, now with shots of the abandoned motel sign, the windows of the establishment boarded up.

Tourists purposely make a stop to see where it all happened. Finally the motel has people clambering to make a reservation, ten months after its doors shut to the public.

Everything becomes about the murders. For a time.

Eventually, interest fades, the way interest fades with everything. Norman soon is mentioned only as a passing factoid, mentioned alongside names like Ed Kemper or Henry Lee Lucas, notable only to those with the morbid curiosity to go digging.

[idrawgaystffs]

Vee’s inner-monologue is likely him questioning why he lets this idiot live.

So! @css10987 (I seem to not be able to tag you),

Here’s your gift from me to you as per the TssSecretSanta contract! Some villain Ro and questionably sided Virgil (I imagine he’s a good vigil-ante :) There’s a bit of tag lore for the heck of it vv

Oh and have a nice wintery season!

Tagging @sanderssidesgiftxchange as well, thanks for setting this all up and modding!

[Click for quality and reblogs are appreciated!]

[yantao-enthusiast]

MY COMPLETE TTPD PREDICTIONS

disclaimer: this has been posted on february 9th so whatever information comes out afterwards i will not be privy to so don't flame me if something contradicts any of this (or if something has already come out and i'm just. stupid). and this is also predictions so likely most of it will be wrong. so

(also this is really really REALLY long so be prepared if you wanna read!!!!)

general predictions:

k so just gonna put out there first my vibe check: i'm thinking definitely florence and the machine (obviously) and noah kahan and "carolina" vibes for the album. all very instrument heavy, alternative folk vibes. that's my two cents on that

so now for the extensive part. i have this theory that ttpd and midnights will be sister albums? like evermore and folklore, i imagine they're in the same realm of themes and songwriting of each other, like hindsight and reflection and this solemn isolation, while still having completely different production styles like rep/lover. there'll be a comparable amount of literary prowess (yes english major!!) like shown in midnights but deffo full power this time. i think ttpd will be much more mature than midnights, as i believe most of it will be written about the more recent times of her life, rather than midnights having lots of references to events long past.

one of my reasons for the sister album theory is the track "who is afraid of little ol' me?". to me, this reads "anti-hero", "sometimes i feel like everybody is a sexy baby and i'm a monster on the hill; too big (another parallel?) to hang out, slowly lurching towards your favorite city", sort of the antithesis to that idea that she's this scary looming figure or someone who comes in and ruins their time at a football game for just existing perhaps..... but i'll get into that more later about my analysis of each track

reason numero dos is the track "down bad", which could be an obvious reference to "hits different" since they're both obvious slang.... yeah this once i don't really need to explain

now three i will once again be using "hits different" as evidence (i will be using it a lot through this whole thing actually)!! during the bridge of this song, she mentions someone turning their key in the door, thinking it's her lover, or maybe the ever ominous "they" have come to take her away. a couple of tracks on ttpd could definitely connect to someone taking her away, like the tracks "fresh out the slammer" and "guilty as sin?", which following this timeline, would make perfect sense, wouldn't you think?

four is because... joe alwyn. the "tortured man" himself. midnights, the moments they weren't about the obvious past, many have made the point of connecting them to joe. and many of them were about how they got there, some pieces that weren't included in rep, lover, folk, ever, and some about how they inevitably fell apart until "you're losing me". which might just be the perfect transition into ttpd. where even in the titles, there's a desperation there to fix that relationship. the one where in many past albums (rep/lover and folk/ever ALSO sister albums btw), and midnights especially, she writes about clearly putting so much effort and time and love into. in "hits different", she says, "moving on was always easy for me to do," yet throughout that song and in the ttpd tracklist, her grief of this relationship is obvious, much more than even most of her albums via the tracklist alone. does this sound emotionally devastating to you yet? because it does for me!!!! (joe alwyn count your fucking days)

five, and final for now: "the manuscript", a bonus track and also the final track in this bonus edition. now, this might be a stretch but i'm sure you're familiar with "dear reader", the closing track on midnights (3 AM edition)? this manuscript could very very well be what this dear reader has been reading perhaps..... or definitely some sort of parallel in that respect. there's a couple different definitions to manuscript, which are:

a book, document, or piece of music written by hand rather than typed or printed. 

an author's handwritten or typed text that has not yet been published. 

now this could mean "the manuscript" is something written by hand, which could easily fit into the poet era. but it could also be part of "dear reader", a sort of p.s. addition that she didn't say in that song. both of these theories? very plausible but we'll have to see...

now that we have that out of the way...

TRACK PREDICTIONS:

this track list is, as i'm sure everyone is aware, insane. and everyone who has been invested in this relationship, thinking that they were gonna get married and everything, screaming off the walls april 2023, is preparing unhealthy amounts of tissues. so i guess now is the best time to put out an opinion!!!

once again, all predictions which means probably not true and might not align with any information that comes out at a later date! and this is all my interpretation!!! i'm just putting it out there!!!!! okay!!!!! okay!!!!!!

Side A:

"Fortnight" featuring Post Malone

maybe this is starting off strong but i have NO idea what the vibes are gonna be. post malone??? maybe it's like a noah kahan situation but other than that? no idea since i don't really keep up with post malone or know how he'd fit on this track

i've heard theories here and there so i don't have much to say personally other than hearing the theory about how it might be how she had disappeared for a two-week period in between eras tour shows. i think it could also be a reference to "exile" or "the great war", how those are terms often heard in similar situations. my ultimate prediction for the production is something like "cowboy like me" and "safe and sound" in a way? like lonely guitar, tumbleweed in the middle of the desert energy. it's likely a more mellow track to start off, an introduction to the album.

"The Tortured Poets Department"

the title track!!! i obviously was excited about the album title alone and the placement makes me wonder how "fortnight" will be sort of the more palatable opening track and this track will be more harsh .

the title is likely a reference to the recently resurfaced interview talking about how joe alwyn has been in a group chat with some other actors called "the tortured man club", which i referenced earlier. which i'm not gonna be mean. but i hope taylor will say it for me.

maybe it's just my hope but i hope this is a song that builds, similar to "your needs, my needs" by noah kahan. maybe it starts out quiet, the calm before the storm, trying to be nice, then it sort of delves into this idea that she's a writer, made to write scathing lines and beautiful cuts in the form of metaphor. you're the "tortured man"? she's this tortured artist, writing like it would kill her if she didn't. she's absolutely fucking insane. all this escalation with the production swirling in a storm with her. do you see the vision??? is the vision visioning yet???? is this thing on

"My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys"

now this is one of the tracks where it's very clear the bargaining starts.

this is a common thing in toxic/abusive relationships, where "i hurt you because i love you" rhetoric, or the "tough love" concept. where it's "yes, he hurts me but i know he does it because he loves me", which is a horrible idea, of course, but to the victim, they may think that all relationships have flaws, some give-and-take.

now, this song could be about someone else from taylor's past. she could be referring to more mental/emotional abuse, breaking being more of a metaphor, i'm not sure. but i'm definitely very intrigued and concerned. (lowkey, i think there could be a connection to "high infidelity", just from the things mentioned in that song but there's no real evidence)

i think my prediction, from the title, it might be similar in vibes to lana? i don't listen to as much lana, i've only started really listening to her recently, but it could be like something from what i've heard from her "ultraviolence" album, both in themes and production.

"Down Bad"

as i mentioned before, there's obvious similarities in title name to "hits different". once again, per my midnights/ttpd sister album theory, i believe this will be the flipside of "hits different". "oh my! love is a lie"? nope, she's down bad baby!!!

there might be similar themes but my prediction will be her thinking she won't be able to move on, as seen in "hits different", and does everything in her power to make sure the two of them stay together, even overlooking things that hurt or disrespect her, like in the previous track.

as for production, i'm thinking once again lana del rey style but i don't think i could give you more than that, sorry y'all

Side B:

"So Long, London"

gee i wonder who this is about. i really really really

okay so track five. the awful, godforbidden, heart-wrenching track five. with the title "so long, london". rip london boy. rip cornelia street. rip lover.

i don't think i can say much here. it speaks for itself. the fandom has gone nuts enough. i'm going nuts. production? sad. "i hate boston" renee rapp vibes. i'm not fucking ready for this y'all

"But Daddy I Love Him"

back at it again with The Bargaining. also the reference to ariel (i'd seen this theory elsewhere) where she had traded her voice for a chance with this man.... aha..... i wonder if mayhaps we could be hearing about never talking about joe directly, keeping them on the down low......

maybe we'll be hearing the production pick up to be sassier, maybe even her playing a bit of a character/story in this song? or this could be a really really sad one where she's begging that she loves him and she doesn't want to leave and it's almost like a lullaby, like "last kiss" or "new year's day". either or. this album might wreck me btw

"Fresh Out The Slammer"

as mentioned before in my connection to "hits different", it was the metaphorical police after all, because of course joe wasn't there. now, of course, this theory could be completely wrong.

the prison metaphor, which could definitely be a callback to "he can be my jailor, burton to this tailor", as now most happy things in that six relationship have soured. an additional interpretation could mean she had escaped this slammer of the relationship and "hits different" is the grief coming back, trying to be happy about escaping but she's really not. but Who Knows. i'm making shit up. i'm also an insane writer. take it with a grain of salt.

this i'm excited because it's giving southern badass, it's giving first taste of freedom, get me a rifle, a pack of cigarettes, and my cowboy boots, time to exact my revenge of all y'all who put me here!!!!

"Florida!!!" featuring Florence and the Machine

if you couldn't tell from my excessive y'all's, i am indeed a floridian.... can you believe it.

honestly i have very little idea what this might entail but the exclamation marks give me hope i won't be sobbing. there's a theory out and about how she went to florida soon after the breakup for the tour so i'm wondering how that connects, what she's talking about in particular or if she just really loves disney world

my only indication is florence and the machine so i'm hoping it's something in that realm because i do like their songs!!! oh it might also be country-adjacent, considering florida (derogatory) (but it's fine since i like taylor swift country)

Side C:

"Guilty as Sin?"

back at it again with potential prison metaphors. also perhaps a religious reference. which might be relevant to people calling her "demonic" or that she's "strayed from God" or whatever radical Christian bullshit they're on today... or perhaps joe or someone had tried to put the blame on her for something and she's like ????

anyways this could go a few different ways but the question mark has me thinking this might defy my expectations. idk i don't trust it

i honestly have no clue on the production. gun to my head if you asked me for the correct answer, 9/10 my brains will be painting the adjacent wall. but bc this is silly and jolly i'm gonna guess this is gonna be a bit of a classy clapback song since i'm going with the midnights sister album theory and there's a bit of those in there

"Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?"

i've basically already given my thoughts on this. she's literally just a girl. a grown woman at a football game. an international superstar who sings her silly little songs that she wrote with her super serious english major. she's putting so much carbon in the air by flying private? aww sweetie are you trying to blame taylor swift for something you should be blaming on big corporations AGAIN? silly you! educate yourself :)

anyways. so moral of the story is she's literally just a girl. and i hope it's not sad but it could be, like "anti-hero"'s sister.

i hope there's some sort of nature-esque feeling to it. like crickets chirping in the background, leaves rustling. i think it could definitely be like the vibes of a little girl who you've heard urban legend about like carving out the bowels of anyone who disturbs her but she's actually the sweetest little thing. that could be poetic asf. maybe i should be a writer (has not touched my long-term project document in a month)

"I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)"

and you know what. she's so real for this

as a certified attempted fixer, i feel qualified to say this will be a banger. lowkey. i'm begging for a little sexy guitar and drums action. maybe even something a little sultry idk.... gives me that vibes

also yes. more bargaining. but she's SURE she can fix it. and if i know anything, i know i trust taylor swift

"LOML"

see guys, she fixed him? see? see? she so fixed

um so yeah i'm mostly piggybacking on others' theories about this about "loml" not standing for "love of my life" and instead perhaps "love or my life" or "loss of my love" or something adjacent... so um ackshually this will 99% percent be depressing

i have strong feelings about piano here. i think piano will be the main instrument. one: because joe. joe piano. joe piano exile. joe exile. okay. two: because ballad. piano ballad..... guys this is basically a formal essay if you haven't noticed

Side D:

"I Can Do It With A Broken Heart"

so guys i'm starting to believe there may not be happiness on this album. if there is, there is "happiness" by taylor swift and we all know how that goes.

this is sad but badass. she's writing albums, she's on the highest grossing tour ever, she's fucking heartbroken. y'all. an icon. round of applause. i want to give her a hug.

i'm thinking it could be something a bit like "billie bossa nova"??? i have no basis for this assumption. none of this is based on anything. but that's my guess

"The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived"

once again putting the L in joe alwyn.... ricky when i catch you ricky when i

if i hear anything. anything at all about joe needing to belittle her to feel bigger. if there was ANY sort of attempt to make her smaller because he was insecure about his life. i will not be responsible for what happens

it's giving piano, once again, for obvious reasons. but it might be a bit of a builder. but like a soft building song. like "you're on your own, kid". obviously different productions but yk what i mean.... me and my sister album theory bullshit

"The Alchemy"

girl you can't say "never beating the sorcery allegations" then put this as a track like you're really

i don't really have too strong opinions on what this is going to be like except this maybe having some connections to "labyrinth" and "glitch"? my initial thought is something about her and joe's chemistry, maybe about how it died, or something to that extent.

and also no idea on what it might sound like but i'm thinking we might lean into more florence and the machine vibes so yippee

"Clara Bow"

hey so if you know anything about clara bow, or if you're like me, you've seen so many tumblr girlies tell you about the emotionally devastating life of clara bow due to this track name. um

this will definitely be an amazing closing track (at least for the standard edition). it might kill me in the process. but if taylor does one thing right, it's her usage of historical storytelling, as well as the ties and connections to taylor's life will be immaculate. and from what i hear, i might be sobbing my eyes out as well so that's great

i'm feeling strings on this, like violins and all that, soft and tragic. i know clara's story, at least what i've heard, reminds me of "the lucky one" so that might be thrown a bit in there but overall i have a feeling that she's about to call the orchestra

Bonus track: "The Manuscript"

me and the cd i ordered bout to go crazy

i don't really have much else to say since i said most of my piece earlier, connecting it to "dear reader" as per my theory. maybe we'll be leading into a more hopeful note, considering her relationship with travis, or maybe i'm just delusional and i know i'm gonna cry to this

my thoughts on the production i think, as per "dear reader", a bit more minimal, soft like a nurturing hand. it might build but i think overall, it might be the light at the end of the tunnel, the "hey, i know you think it's the end of the world but p.s. i love you and you're gonna get through this". (watch it end up ripping my guts out and spitting on my body)

FINAL THOUGHTS:

though i swore i wouldn't clown, i did think rep tv was about to be announced on grammy's night. i think many of us did. but this is easily just as amazing of an announcement and whether it's like my predictions/wishes or exactly the opposite, i'm really excited to see what world she's invented next for the swifties to dive into! please if anyone has any predictions that are different or adding on, give me your theories.... i want to know...... and ofc thank you taylor for being the gift that keeps on giving and giving (the amount of albums she has released within the past two years alone... insane) (WHILE DOING IT WITH A BROKEN HEART!!!!) and please pretty please have at least one kind of not sad song on this album please okay thanks i love you

[menelaiad]

can I prompt you to talk about Menelaus sparing Helen I'm just like :chinhands: about everything u say about the house of atreus

hey, if you're willing to listen, i'm more than happy to talk - thank you!

so. again. we got Big Three versions.

menelaus says 'guys it's chill i'll kill her at home. let's all cool our jets' (this is the version in euripides)

menelaus goes to kill her himself. helen shows her boobs. menelaus suddenly very chill (this is also implied by euripides)

menelaus gets men to kill her. helen shows her boobs. men suddenly very chill (stesichorus)

CAN YOU GUESS WHICH TWO I DESPISE? no. fr. the last two (the boob two) are far too dependent on helen being vain. and helen .... almost not feeling any guilt or shame from what's happened. and we know that's not true from the iliad. these two, to me, are classic. THIS IS JUST HOW HOT HELEN WAS propaganda. cause yknow. ur a greek/roman/ancient dude and you hear that helen of sparta showed you her boobs like 'damn bro i wouldn't kill her either ahahahaha pass the wine, maximus'.

but helen was never vain. she was never arrogant. she was confident and self-assured. but it's pretty much everyone AROUND helen that comments on her beauty and stuff. she never really does herself? which is another fascinating element of her character tbh. so her doing THIS as a means to be spared? doesn't suit me. do i think helen wanted to die/was willing to die? no. but i think she would have gone about pleading for her life a different way, y'know? also i hate the whole 'her tits got her into this mess they'll get her out of it' like shut UP. menelaus is not 12. he's fucking 60 odd at this point. he is tired. he is wounded. he is so beyond mentally well. give him some respect. he wouldn't have been blind sided by this.

but i don't think menelaus EVER planned to kill her. i can accept euripudes' version cause i think there would have been a lot of greek men that would have wanted to see helen dead. it makes sense yknow? they dont see the full narrative. the big picture. as far as they're concerned helen ran away. loads of people died. and now she's gonna get away with it. they're not narrative aware enough to see all the cogs of fate and the gods and all this. so i can respect that some greeks would have wanted her to suffer and menelaus would have risked a fuckin riot if he outright said 'nah lads she's fine lets crack on' so the whole 'wait til we get home' narrative is a good way for him to save time. to buy him and helen some time to come up with a plan, a story. to hear each other out. to work through stuff. they don't get back to sparta for like. 10 more years. they can EASILY have come up with some reason why she's not been killed yet. or why he's not gonna go through with it/why it's all worked out.

in regards to menelaus never wanting to kill her, i believe that because of how menelaus behaves in the iliad. menelaus is constantly lamenting the deaths of the greeks. the needless death and suffering. how these men are working and sacrificing to get helen back. to bring her HOME. what would killing her do? another senseless death. all the sacrifice for naught because menelaus doesnt get his wife back. he goes back to sparta alone. as if he never even went to fucking troy and tried to get her back?????

and also because menelaus loves her. despite everything he loves her and he never stopped. it's why i really like his portrayal in IOA even if he is a giant ass clown. he's a man desperate to get his wife back. and he's under the impression they're just gonna go to troy and get her back. simple as. two months tops. he's frantic and desperate and willing to try anything to get her back (yo bro kill ur daughter for me kthx). and i don't think that desire to get her back changes. menelaus grows more subdued and quiet. and has less fire. but he's still trying. he goes toe to toe with paris, is willing to take on hektor. menelaus is very much: 'i am dying at troy or i am leaving with my wife' and how is that not love? it's literally. he is going to get her back or die trying.

(also idk how much people value to fall of troy texts that are around but like. menelaus kills deiphobus in those. when dei is with helen. the man is insane in those moments he could easily have took helen out too in his madness. but he doesn't. also also. when he's in the horse and he hears helen, he's said to 'groan' when he remembers her and given the context of the other men weeping and stuff. this is like. a groan of pain. hearing helen's voice after so long and remembering her. HURTS him. he's missed her so much.)

menelaus and helen loved each other. you see it in odyssey 4. the healing they must have gone through in those 10 years. is so admirable and powerful. and they did it because they wanted to. because they were gonna see this out. they were gonna make this work. and even zeus acknowledges it. because he lets menelaus into elysium just to be with helen (his own DAUGHTER) for eternity. even though menelaus has LITERALLY no elysium qualities. not even zeus cant bear to separate these two.

they're just so fucking powerful.