#but i just wanna say here that im so grateful to have experienced this show while it lasted

[ehhgg-art]

thank you red vs blue. you were the greatest show ever, of all time.

[soft1scream]

this moment made me write for something real, that i thought to myself— this moment didn't turn the pages over— it started the book. 

i like to think that there's no hell for those who never believed in heaven— i guess there is really something in those formative years. however, here i am fondling all the fury behind my poetic persona just because i ended up in a state of disbelief as i can no longer sneak yellow in a black canvas.. and so i'm writing because finishing the drawing is the only option. 

.. and i'm writing because i'm a stutter. 

where i am isn't something i dreamed of, as a spiritual cruiser, perhaps an easy rider. i want to do well with education, thus i’m graduating soon, yet, the thought of steering my own path from here on out is something only i see difficult accepting. i haven't emblazoned my strongest version yet. when standing, i'm a quarterback, when lying, i'm dreaming in paperback. still, i'm crossing the threshold, unsure of life over there, hoping— that day, i will have a home for all of my habitats and be able to choose horror rather than my usual habits. 

my younger self has always dreamt of going to a different city, away from this tropical— non smoking country, live life and not just watch myself survive and have fun and be young forever and be forever beautiful and be the once in my family's lifetime. i dream of something bigger than who i am, i dream in 15 stories high, or just to see skyline underwater. yes, i will keep scintillating in incandescent scenes just like how lyrical obscurity will forever just be enigma to machines. will i blossom like a rose in a garden full of weeds or could the smog end me like the ashes that have watched over my deeds? 

i am still forced to be the skeleton that helps them sleep better at night, that's why i search for pedestals of human to avoid the view from their height. however, im okay for everything that was done to me that we're part of the reason i am who i am today, either by shattering me then turning me more refined or by abandoning me.. but i'm really grateful for those people i met while trying to find the person i call 'myself' that didn't alter or hinder the reflection that followed me every step of the way. this year was built to be a castle in the air, to make me realize, i'm not the only person in this world, that the world doesn't revolve around my desires. that i dream for something bigger than who i am. i would love to see the world as marianne as the people around me. 

i contemplated a lot during the times i was able to do so, realizing.. i have said "realizing" too many times now for my liking. i'm not used to realizing, most of the time i just don't wanna know.. anyways.. i realized that people just don't believe any of my kindness. that because i'm usually strong, people don't believe me if i get weak. not even my family or friends. even the poems i write won't get used to the fact that i am not what i used to be. and i don't want to be misunderstood for feeling what i want to feel or for feeling what i don't want to feel. 

i believe that i am more than what i show— what i reveal. deeper than what i say or how i act or how i put emotions to every words. it's my nature to pretend like im strong, it acts as an alibi to hide the fact that i'm weak and vulnerable and sensitive and careful and sad and tragic and beautiful but no hope... and it's hard being a weak skeleton in a thick skin, always feeling unloved and wronged. which in the end, my fault. for showing everybody how a person with applaudable background with no applauses behaves. but it can never be my fault that in this house, i cannot feel happiness. can't feel sadness, anger, pity or hunger. and once i feel stressed, i will be justified. i may seem normal, but my life is difficult. i live in a terrible house, never experiencing home. i guess i'm nasty and evil, but if you've seen what i can still remember, you'll understand me. it's very unfortunate that the person who has the most potential to love was given a family who never believed in that stuff. 

 

sometimes, when i think about it and writing about it, i let my teardrops wet the paper because it's somehow giving me the satisfaction of having to get to feel any emotion— as if i'm watering the rose from my very own grave— but then again, water takes away the letters from the paper— leaving me with indelible mistakes that makes me want to just pantomime my feelings.  when i'm lonely— i feel alone— i lie in my bed, but it doesn't help as the bed's too wide for me, or that one bottle of pepsi is too much to drink. god, i wish i have always preferred thunder from the rain. 

i want to talk about how i love a man— which i never ever opened my mouth for. most of the time, i'm just in love with the idea that we're completely different from each other, which is the standard for most movies but never in a reality tv show. if i need some man to tell me i look pretty, my body is tiny, i'm his wallpaper or that he draw my face upside down black and white— sure i can easily get these words from men, but if i tell you, i want someone to give me 15 anniversaries, quiet when there's something wrong, and laughs when i'm overreacting and won't tell me that it's enough!. 

i'm really grateful for my friends who cured all the headaches i gave them. there's no greater feeling than being burnt out after spending the day with them. when i'm tired but i look back on times i was happy. the source of me laying down is also the source of what keeps me getting up. for them. for fun. 

tw: pissed 

if i won't be a superstar, i will be a writer or close to a storyteller, but it's difficult when people will constantly overlook me, waste my potential that's deep within me like i wasn't built to show them, they put my talent on somewhere it don't fit, and they take away the light in me when i know im so much better than all of them. i'm fuming to witness my talents misplaced, relegated to places where they fail to shine, and to endure the dimming of my light at the hands of individuals who fail to see my worth. do you know how patronizing it is for me to witness them show up in a funny smirk while i'm trying to find a place i belong.. to be beneath the skin of a writer, an actual escaper, a city light underwater.. do you know how patronizing it is to assume that i would somehow prefer tasks of lesser difficulty simply because you doubt my ability to handle more challenging ones. your assumption not only diminishes my potential but also undermines my confidence.. who the fuck do you think you are?.. to confine me within the boundaries of your narrow perception. do you know how discouraged i was when i showed there not to do anything good in their eyes then not be involved but then get credited after all? it's nice, thanks for the recognition, but it pains to realize that my efforts are overlooked until it's convenient to acknowledge them. do you know how discouraged i am these past few days, and when i'm discouraged, i bet i will think i'm quitting and i bet i'd feel like a loser. do you know how it pains me when writing turned out to be the only thing i'm good at and then feeling that i failed at the one thing i've ever tried.. just because there's someone who thinks they're a so much better writer than me. and i know, i have to bleed ink onto every page to prove that. do you know how embarrassing it is to claim to be a writer then read rather than write, or listen because i have weak attention span. my imagination doesn't run wild but if there's one thing about me, i know how to write. i think about all the failed attempts of my writing journals for a platform that follows a format. it's not my fault i am built not to fit in. they're not gonna judge me for the way i write or me as a writer. they can try but they won't make my words or letters so much better 

i'm a metaphor for those who once felt overlooked, misunderstood, and unlovable. i still have something to say, even now that i already wrote an eight pager. i'm a straightforward mouth with a pretty face. i'm a coffee for those who never drank coffee. strong at first, but will tell you to wake the fuck up. i believe that everyone should have a "france" in their life— this is reality, live in it. i always carry the burden of going home, and it's hard to carry the burden of staying the same. when i'm not hungry anymore, i'm leaving this country.  if i ever feel like writing again, trust me you will know— cause i'll be posting about it. 💋

[kreativewritin444]

send your location// jj maybank

a little idea off doja cat’s song: send your location

the picture above credits goes to the lovely @lovejjmaybank��� :))) ty for letting me use xx

warnings: some smut, some fluff, cussing, choking, rough shit, drugs, alcohol, no protection (wrap your shit up)

all writings are mine! if you enjoy give sum love! also if you wanna be added to any outerbanks post of mine lmk, you can be tagged.

_____

you sat at the bonfire. body glistening, the fire bouncing off your skin. your wavy hair flew down your back as you laugh with kie and sarah. you were sporting a beer in one hand, a vape in the other.

everyone gave you a double glance, making you internally smile. you decided on a blue crop top that hugged you well, along with a black jean shorts that made your ass pop. safe to say you looked good.

jj would back that statement up, considering his eyes haven’t left you. he stood a few feet away with john b and pope, handling the kegger. the other boys catching jj glances toward you.

occasionally you let your eyes slip focus off the story being told to jj. the girls catching your glances towards the boy as well.

he looked good too, his shirt showing his muscles just right. you bit your lip softly as your mind started to wander.

“hey i’m gonna go get another.” you shook your empty cup. sarah spoke up, “you mind telling john b to come over here?” you nod leaving the girls to their conversation.

you slowly approached the boys, “hey y/n.” john b spoke.

“hey lover boy. i think sarah was looking for you.” you point her out. john b nodded heading towards his girlfriends direction. jj glared at pope, who ended up trailing after him.

you give jj a confused glance, “you didn’t have to shoo pope off.”

he rubs the back of his neck, “ i didn’t shoo pope off, he went willingly.”

you laugh at that. jj takes your cup refilling it as you lean against the keg. you thank him as you take your full cup back.

“you having fun?” you glance around at everyone, your eyes landing back on the boy as he takes out a joint.

“now i am.” he lit the joint, taking a few puffs before handing it over.

“hmmm, well. i am the life of the party.” you playfully nudge him, giggling.

he laughs, “sure.“ you pass him back the joint, your fingers brushing against his. you and jj always flirted, but it was always just flirting.

lately, you can’t help but to the think about the what if’s. if things went pass flirting. jj was experienced, so you heard. he’s been with lots of girls. you two being best friends you never wanted to fuck that up.

however, you haven’t had any release in the last few months. the only hookup you had with a tourist absolutely sucked. not that anyone needed to know you were failing in the sex category, considering all your friends found their someone.

“what you thinking about, princess?” his voice broke you out your thoughts. you bit your lip.

“oh nothing, tryna scope out the area. see if we got anyone cute around here.” you tease, taking another sip of your beer.

jj stood in front of you, “looking in the wrong direction then babe.”

you roll your eyes, “my bad, didn’t realize you were up to my standards.”

you try to stiffle a laugh as jj mocks being hurt. “please, i know im up to your standards. you can’t keep your eyes off me.”

you push him softly, “speak for yourself. your eyes haven’t left me since i’ve arrived.”

he shrugged, “no shame in my game, you look good y/n.”

with that confession, your heart raced a little. a blush spread across your cheeks, you grateful it was night.

what game is he trying to play?

“you think so? no one has yet to come flirt with me though.” you play along.

“what a shame.” he clenched his jaw a little. you smirk at that. god jj was hot, and at this point you don’t care if tonight you end up underneath him.

“right, i’ve been craving for some spice in my life.” you confessed. jj turned towards you.

“some ‘spice’?” you nod glancing up at him, due to his height.

you run your free hand through your hair, swallowing the last gulps of beer. you hand jj the cup before settling on your comment.

“girls have needs too, jj.” jj fumbled with the cup for a second.

“mmhhhmm.” he fills it up. “ what kind of needs are we talking about?” he hands you back the cup.

“oh you know. the fact that i haven’t had a good lay in over 3 months.” you sip your beer.

jj chokes on his, “3 months? jesus.”

“it’s not so easy for me like it is you, jj. last guy i was with didn’t even last 5 minutes, let alone find the fucking clit.” you push yourself off the keg, taking a puff off your vape.

you were in dangerous territory, you knew where this conversation will lead. yet, you didn’t seem to care. the buzz of the weed and alcohol flooding your system.

jj laughs a little, “well you sure know how to pick them.”

“yeah yeah, laugh it up.” you glare at him.

“if you want to cum just say the words, sweetheart.” it was your turn to choke on your beer.

“what do you mean?”

his hand pushes your hair out your face, “you know what i mean.”

your mouth opened and closed a few times, “who said you can make me cum?”

jj smirks, “me. now we can keep fighting this, act like you secretly don’t wish i would bend you over making you cum until your begging me to stop. like i don’t wish to have you under me, moaning my name.”

he steps even closer, “or you can go back to your 3 pump chumps and i’ll look the other way.”

you closed the gap between you, softly pressing your lips onto his.

you pull away, “john b’s?” he questioned.

you nod, following him back to the house. luckily everyone was still at the party.

----

his hands wrapped around your throat, your back pressed up against the bed room door.

“god you are so fucking hot.” his lips trail down your neck. your hands tug at his shirt.

he leans back throwing the shirt off. you copy his actions, excited to show off your nipple piercings.

“holy shit, you have your nipples pierced?” his hands cup your titties. jj looked to be in heaven.

you giggle, “i’ve had them for awhile now.”

he groans, kissing them.

“why haven’t we done this before?” he lifts you up by your thighs, laying you down on the bed.

you look up at him, “you usually have someone else in this position.”

his hands tug your shorts down, “yeah that’s gotta stop. i really enjoy you in this position.”

he kisses your inner thigh, missing the one spot you want to be touched.

“jay.” you moan out. he caries on with his teasing.

his fingers swipe your folds, your hands grip his hair.

“fuck.” you whimper.

“so wet and i haven’t done shit. “ you bit your lip, jj voice was husky and deep. you couldn’t believe he was in between your thighs right now.

“well do so-” a finger curled inside you making you gasp. jj kitten licks you, as he slips another finger in following a rhythm.

moans slip out your mouth, your thighs squeezing around his head. jj’s free hand grips your thigh, pushing it down. giving him better access to you.

you begin to shake, feeling the warmth build up in your lower stomach. the feeling you’ve been craving for.

your legs began to shake, you push at jj’s head. the feeling almost to much to handle. jj grabs your hand pinning it down beside you as he continues his attack on you.

“fu-fuck. jay im going to cum.” your back arch’s, jj hand lets go of your wrist, trailing up to play with your nipples.

that was the last you could hold back, a loud moan escaped your lips. you come undone.

jj continues to lick up the juices you let out. he sits up wiping his face.

“i didn’t know you were a squirter.”

you were laid out, completely drained from that orgasm. “niether did i.” you confessed.

“wait am i the only guy who’s made you cum?” he leans over you.

you push him back sitting up on your elbows, “yes.” you answered honestly.

jj breaks out into a smile, “that’s a fucking accomplishment.”

you laugh, you push him back straddling him. “how so?”

his eyes stare into yours, “im the only guy who’s made you cum. to me that’s a accomplishment.”

you slowly grind on him, his underwear keeping your skin apart.

jj hands push your hips down, giving him some friction. you lean forward biting his lip softly.

jj’s hands went to your throat, flipping you over with ease. he slipped off his underwear. 

“are you clean?” you glance up at him. he nods, “yeah.”

“then you’re good, im on the pill.”

“you sure?” he looks at you seriously.

“yes, now fuck me.” you whimper shaking your bottom towards him.

he spits on you, letting his fingers spread it, before lining himself up. he pushes in, the grip on your legs makes you moan.

“fuck your tight.” you giggle.

“and your big.” you push at his hips, indicating to slow down.

he lets you adjust, before slowly pumping in and out. you both find a rhythm, he moves your legs over his shoulders. allowing better access, making you moan.

he leans forward grabbing your face. “ look at me.”

your eyes flutter open, his hands slip down to your throat; adding pressure. “i want you to look at me while i fuck you.”

you moan, “yes daddy.”

his eyes darken at that. his pace quickens, him slamming into you. you gripped the pillow behind your head. you struggled to keep your eyes open.

“fu-fuck j-jay.” your moans bounce off the walls. everything felt amazing. jj could fuck like a god.

“you like that huh? god you are such a good girl when my cocks in ya.” his hand slips between your legs. his thumb playing with your clit. your legs begin to shake, jj holds them close to his chest as he pounds even harder into you.

“you gonna cum again, huh?” you couldn’t even get a word out before you felt your second orgasm crash over you.

jj relentlessly pounds into you as you ride your orgasm out. his pace never slows, causing you to try to push away.

“fuck! i can-cant.” his free hand locks both your wrist down.

“nah, you gonna take this.” he lifts you up a little, changing the angle.

“oh my god.” you felt another orgasm build up.

“not god, just me.” jj feels your wetness run down your legs. he wanted to make you cum atleast three times. the boy set a goal in his head, he was determined to succeed.

you try to move away, the pleasure was too much, but jj just held you still.

he leaned forward capturing your lips, swallowing your moans as you come hard around him. he also finishing.

he rode out his own orgasm, before pulling out. he fell beside you, you rolling over to lay on his chest.

you both were out of breathe, completely fucked out.

“we have to start doing that more.” he confessed. you nod agreeing.

“you made me cum 3 times.” you giggle. he runs his hand through your hair.

“i know, it was my goal when you told me no one’s made you cum before.” you slap his chest.

“you made a goal with me.” he laughed nodding. you shook your head at him.

you lay there for a few minutes, before the thoughts started entering your head.

jj took notice of your quietness, “hey.” he pokes you. “what’s wrong?”

you sit up, looking around for your clothes. “this isn’t gonna fuck up our friendship right? ‘ca-cause your my best friend an-and i don’t want things to be aw-”

“hey, hey . no. no. we are fine. i will always be yours. you don’t have to worry.” he pulls you back to lay down.

“i mean i have been imagining this for a couple of years now, though.” you sit up at that.

your face held confusion, “you’ve been imagining fucking me for a few years now?”

he nodded, “i just said that.” you smacked his chest.

“you’ve literally let me go on this long with bad sex. what the fuck jay.” you joke.

“i mean it wasn’t just sex i imagined. i thought we would be doing other stuff too.” now with this you were confused.

“other stuff? like dating?” you were scared now. you of course always liked jj, i mean you just fucked him.

“yeah, i just never knew if you’d like me back, i still don’t.” he nervously played with a piece of your hair.

you lean forward kissing him, “i thought it was clear when i let you tongue fuck me.”

jj broke out into a smile, “well my lady, would you, y/n, like to be my girlfriend?” he questioned with a fake british accent.

you giggle, “well my dear sir, i think i would have to accept. BUT-” you stare at him seriously, “just me though. no more anything with any other girls. im serious.”

jj nods, “of course, the fuck. your my girl now, i don’t want anyone else.” a smile broke out on your face. being called his girl made you warm.

“welp, now we just have to tell the rest of the group.” you lay back on his chest.

“i think they know, they are in the living room.” your head shot up.

“do what?”

[azucanela]

Okay so i'm feeling pretty bad atm because my best friend replaced me and i need some fluffy rn. How about hcs for the reader being coldly abandoned by their previous best friend. Believing she is alone, she falls to her knees and cries outside in the middle of the rain. A moment later, she glances over to see Bakugou, Kirishima and Shinsou behind them trying their best to cover her from the rain with their jacket. Thank you♡

COMFORTING YOU AFTER A FRIENDSHIP ENDS HEADCANNONS + SCENARIOS

[ft. bakugo katuski, kirishima ejirou, shinsou hitoshi]

SUMMARY: In which you are abandoned by your closest friend and are found by the boys. 

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

WARNINGS: mentions of murder, mean friends, me being violent, y/n has those main character moments in the rain its nice, 

A/N: bb im so sorry that they did that,,, please know that im here if you need anything and i will fight this person :D with your permission of course.

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

your so called friend ended up ditching you

im going to throw hands literally 

you end up leaving the café you have been waiting for her in, near tears, and as if it can’t get any worse, you have no ride home, so naturally, you are now walking whilst trying to keep from crying

you’re about half a mile from UA, the hill is visible in the distance and you are very relieved because you just wanna cry in your bed

then it starts to rain

so yeah it did get worse

out of frustration and the built up sadness, you just kinda start crying, coming to a stop and falling to a seat at the side of the road

you felt so alone, the one person you thought would always be around he replaced you

clearly they didn’t feel the same

meanwhile, katuski is running with his jacket above his head, cursing out the skies

and then he spots someone crying in the rain, he initially thinks nothing of it, until he realizes its you

the girl who he “begrudgingly” helped study on weekends, the one who he was up until 2AM with, even though he slept like a grandpa

now he’s cursing for a different reason, he comes over to you

he is gonna wanna kill someone when he finds out and tbh you should let him but thats just me

in the past, people have abandoned him due to his personality, and though it hurt in the moment, he got over it pretty quickly 

and tbh, most of the time he had a little squad of jerks following him around so he didn’t really care abt anyone else.

Staring at the text she’d just recieved, Y/N let out a shaky breath, trying to compose herself. Her so called best friend wasn’t coming, and would never be coming again. Apparently she had better things to do than hangout with some wannabe hero. Blinking away the tears, Y/N stood making her way to the exit of the shop, she stepped outside. 

She was beginning to regret ever leaving the UA campus, because at this point she’d much rather be crying in bed rather than in public. Y/N was suddenly grateful that the café was relatively close as she speedily walked down the sidewalk.

The one person she thought would be there for her through everything, through all the pain and joy and anything in between, was gone. Great. 

At least it couldn’t get worse than this, she decided as she saw the UA Campus in the distance, relief flooding her as her pace quickened. 

Then she saw lightning in the distance, thunder rattling in the sky, Y/N couldn’t help but wince. As water began to poor over her she paused her steps, exhaling deeply as she looked up at the sky. 

Then the tears began to fall, a hand coming to her mouth to quiet the sobs escaping her as she fell to the ground, seating herself at the side of the road, Y/N felt her body shake as she tried to force herself to even out her breathing.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was cursing out the skies, he’ been on his way back from visiting his parents when it began to pour. Immediately bringing his jacket over his body to try and shield himself from the brunt of the rain as he ran through the now empty streets. Save for one shaking person on the side of the road, causing him to raise a brow at, it was pouring rain and they were just sitting there?

He slowed temporarily to try and get a better understanding of what was going on, only to realize he recognized the person. Y/N. His classmate, the one he begrudgingly tutored on the weekend, the one he cursed out when she forgot to eat, the one who kept him up until 2AM even though his bedtime was normally 9PM.

Katsuki grimaced, coming up behind her with his jacket overhead to try and shield her from the rain as he spoke, “what the hell are you doing out right now? You’re gonna get sick.” 

Y/N jumped at the sudden voice behind her, though she knew it was Katsuki, she turned to see he was holding his jacket over the two of them, the red of her eyes a dead giveaway that she’d been crying. She couldn’t bring herself to speak as she looked up at him in shock. What was he doing here?

Katsuki’s face fell as his eyes scanned her for injuries, “who did this to you?” He wasn’t the best when it came to comfort, and he feared that would show as he began to interrogate her. 

Blinking Y/N realized what she must’ve looked like, trying to shake off the feelings she was experiencing she spoke, “we should go.” Wiping the water from her face, she moved to stand, and Katuski moved with her, his eyes still on her face. 

“Hold this side of the jacket.” He ordered, and she did as she was told, bringing one hand up to the left side of the jacket, which was now soaked in water and doing little to help. This action provided Katsuki with a freehand to put on the small of her back and push her forward rather aggressively. He lead them to a small grocery store on the street, pushing the door open. 

They were dripping wet, and looking up at Katsuki, who had returned to interrogating her, Y/N couldn’t help it when more tears leaked out of her eyes and she lunged forwards to tackle him in a hug.

He quickly shut up, body stiffening momentarily before he allowed his hands to wrap around her waist and return the hug. “Thank you,” she mumbled, burying her head in his chest.

Brows furrowed, Katsuki scoffed, “yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He turned to the view the rest of the store, “pick out some food, I’ll cook you something when we get back.”

Looking up at him, her mouth gaped open, “are you serious?”

“Did I stutter, you idiot?”

kirishima ejirou 

okay so

kirishima definitely is gonna hound you with questions when he finds you crying

like he cannot allow his bb to cry

not that you know you are his bb but like

it would be unmanly of him to just leave you in such a state so he does his best to comfort you.

has likely never experienced something like this so he can’t really empathize with you but he’ll try

basically tries to make you smile and laugh the entire time you are upset

contemplates talking to the girls for help, but he doesn’t know if you want others involved

instead texts them how girls like to be treated when sad but in a very vague way and tries to pass it off as some obscure tik tok trend

they go along with it, thankfully, mina has a major obsesssion though so shes upset she didn’t know about this trend

thats how kirishima accidentally started a tik tok trend

will respectfully commit a murder

respectfully

i’ll help

least likely to acc go through with murder tho

he’s going to try his best

also goes the food route, based off his studies via the “tik tok trend” and he will gladly hold you

Exiting the convenience store with a plastic bag of candy in hand, Kirishima sighed. He’d been out longer than anticipated, and it was already getting dark. The grey clouds above signaling the possibility of rain, Kirishima grimaced, he needed to get back to UA quickly.

He’d intended to have a movie night with the rest of the Bakusquad that night, and maybe even invite Y/N. He’d been trying to work up the courage to finally ask her out, but it hadn’t been going well. He didn’t feel very manly each time he chickened out, and Kaminari’s teasing didn’t help at all, escaping him was the main reason Kirishima agreed to pick up the candy that day. 

Sighing, Kirishima continued to walk, though the rain came faster, pouring down onto him as he groaned in annoyance, hoping that it wouldn’t damage his snacks as he pulled his jacket off to provide himself with some cover. Though it wasn’t very helpful, it was better than nothing. 

He begins to speed up, jogging slightly when he notices someone on the curb, seated. Kirishima frowns, moving behind them and bringing his jacket over them, “hey, what are you doing?” Considering how much it was raining now, and the sound of the thunder overhead, he figured the storm that was coming would only get worse. Being outside was the worst idea. And as a hero in training, he simply couldn’t allow this action. 

The mysterious person turns around, and Kirishima suddenly realizes its his classmate, his frown only deepening when he sees her swollen eyes. “Kirishima? She says, confusion clear in her tone as she looks up at him, eyes wide. They knew each other fairly well, though he could be shy at times, he was fun, and nice. And of course, rather respectful during all their interactions, she liked him. 

Kirishima pauses before finding himself sitting beside her in the pouring rain and allowing the water to hit him as he lowered his jacket, pulling a candy bar from his bag. “What’s wrong?” He asked, extending the candy to her. Though it would likely react poorly should she open it and the candy came in contact with the rain, it was the thought that counted.

Y/N’s mouth gaped open as she smiled sadly at him, taking the candy bar from him, “thank you.” She whispered, “it doesn’t really matter anymore, though.” She looks up at the sky, water cascading down her face as she inahles deeply.

Suddenly, Kirishima’s hand is in hers, “it’s bothering you, so obviously it matters.” He tugs her hand to get her to stand up alongside him, “and it wouldn’t be very manly of me to leave a pretty lady out in the rain.” 

A laugh escaped Y/N at this, “and I could never force a handsome man like yourself to stay out in rain.” Comes her reply, “let’s go.”

She wasn’t alone. Not while she had him.

shinsou hitoshi

WELL

definitely the best at comforting someone especially with something like this

feeds you sweets because food makes everything better, will be affectionate just for this instance because he knows you just want some love during this time

the best to talk to about it tbh, he’s very good at giving advice and listening to your problems

i feel like shinsou has probably experienced something similar in the past and he’s gonna understand what you are feeling

won’t try to make you open up but you’ll want to, he has a comforting presence

very calm about it, gently speaks with you and guides your actions, makes sure you take care of yourself if you are in a really bad place

once you’ve stopped crying he’ll ask you what happened and should you tell him he’ll honestly be VERY mad

like why would someone do that to an ANGEL like YOU???

is genuinely confused and potentially in a murderous mood

and he has the quirk to get away with it

wants to go off on this person though, desperately, and should he ever run into them they are going to get a piece of his mind

a really really mean piece of his mind

Shinsou frowned as he felt a droplet of water fall onto his head, realizing that rain would likely come soon, he picked up the pace of his walk. He’d been out at the bookstore, and was suddenly grateful that he hadn’t bought anything as he watched everyone in the shopping center begin to retreat to their cars and into shops. 

He watched a lightning flashed in the distance, brows furrowing at the realization that a storm was coming when thunder accompanied the sight and pouring rain soon followed. UA wasn’t far, but he didn’t really want to have to run in the rain up the hill the school had been built upon.

Turning a corner, his eyes scanned the area in search of a shop he could wait out the storm in when they fell on the figure of someone seated in the rain, no umbrella or hood to protect them from the downfall, and their body shaking. 

Then he recognized the hoodie. It was his actually, and he knew exactly who he’d lent it to. 

Y/N L/N. The pretty girl in the hero course who’d threatened anyone who spoke poorly of him, defending his honor even though he never asked. She was always kind to him, even when they weren’t the closest of friends. Though that had changed, the pair now talking almost daily about a variety of things, something Shinsou was grateful for.

Questions flood his mind as he removes his jacket and brings it above him, going over to her, and when he’s close enough he can hear her small sobs, barely muffled by the palm of her hand. Shinsou can’t help but feel concerned as he brings his jacket above her to shield her from the rain, “hey, let’s go.” He mumbles gently. 

Y/N looks up at him, her eyes red and puffy, and if it weren’t pouring Shinsou would’ve hugged her right there. “What are you doing?” When she’d simply collapsed in the rain, her emotions overwhelming her, she hadn’t assumed Shinsou would randomly appear.

“Getting you out of the rain.” Came his response, “come on, we can wait out the storm in the café.” Shinsou would’ve extended a hand had he not be preoccupied by holding up his jacket, which was now soaking through.

Sniffing, she nodded, “yeah, you’re right.” She stands, and he follows her movements, jacket never leaving her figure as the pair makes their way to the door of the café. Y/N pushes the door open, and they both enter, allowing him to finally put the jacket above his head down, though it started soaking onto the floor. 

He threw it outside, much to Y/N’s shock, “I don’t wanna dirty the floor.” Shinsou explained nonchalantly, his purple hair sticking to his forehead. “Have you eaten?” 

“Sorry about your hoodie.” She mumbled, at they moved out of the way of the entrance. 

Raising a brow, he extended a hand, “that didn’t answer my question.” 

Y/N’s brows furrowed as she looked to his hand, tilting her head in confusion as she placed her hand into his, Shinsou gave her a small smile before leading her to the line of the café as she replied, “no. I didn’t.”

His brows draw together as she looks at her, she seems resigned, quieter than normal. “How about a muffin then? Or maybe a cupcake?” He peers into the display window, squinting at the variety of foods. “I say cupcakes,” In his experience, sugary foods always made things better, to an extent at least. 

Giving him a tight lipped smile, she nodded, “sure.” He was trying. It was better than nothing if she was honest. Considering the fact that her best friend had abandoned her today, it was a nice reminder, that she wasn’t alone. She had other people, regardless of what had happened.

Shinsou’s eyes met hers as he sighed, bringing his free hand to the back of his neck, “you wanna talk about it?” He knew they’d have to address it at some point, there was no denying that she had clearly been crying, something had upset her. 

Shaking her head, Y/N pulled him closer using their joined hands and brought him into a hug, “not right now.” It was an oddly intimate moment, despite the fact that they were in public.

Regardless, he pulls her tightly against him, wrapping his arms around her protectively as he responds, “alright. 

A/N: if anyone ever needs to talk or anything pls know im here! my dms are always open to anyone for anything :D

anyways, remember to sleep well, eat food, and drink water!

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82​ started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so. 

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

[kiyoo-omi]

from my love to you

Hello moots and followers! I just want to say happy new years and heres to 2021 treating us right. I’m not too good with words tbh but here I go!

I really can't believe I'm in a position to know so many great people on here! I’m so thankful that each and everyone of you are so welcoming. Every little likes and reblogs mean so much to me as as artist. But interacting with me makes my day so much better and brings such the biggest smile on my face! I’m so grateful that you guys even bothering interacting with me. I wouldn’t have continued this blog have it not been you guys!! I appreciate it so much and it means the world to me. You guys makes me strive to me a better artist (and writer)! I want to be able to make you guys happy and I hope whatever I do on my blogs bring u guys joy as much as it does me!

I hope to be better moot for everybody (cause I’m just a little too shy to interact with you all) Thank you so much for giving me a place in this community and I love you all!

To my lovely friends!

@lavenderpisces

JEN! MRS. BOKUTO! MRS. AIZAWA! MY BABY MY LOVE MY ANGEL CAKES LIGHT OF MY LIGHT APPLE TO MY EYEE! BOKUJEN AND SHOUJEN SUPREMACY UP IN THIS THIS BITCH 🤪! Aaaahhhh bby I don't know what to say but I love you so much!!! I know I don't show my appreciation as much lately or its been a while! But you are literally a light to my life and I value our friendship so much! I remember our baby talks on here and can’t believe here we are today! I'm counting five/six years girl and I want to celebrate every new year together until we are old as hell. I love when we fangirl, I love our little movie nights, I love getting you gifts, I love daydreaming about our future together and I hope you do too??? Please know I'm literally here for you, I would fight the world and book a ticket there for you if u ever need me to too. Just say the words! Please don’t ever hesitate to hit me up if you ever need to. I hate whatever you you are experiencing that makes you sad, I wish I could be there to fight it away for you! I know this year hasn’t been too nice, but please know that I’m literally just a text or call away! You are my priority. I can't wait for the day where we can see each other one day! I love u so much!

@coralpeachcalm

MIMI! HI!! Asdfghjjkkll sorry if this is a little awkward but I'm so glad you were one of the first person I have had the pleasure to meet! I don't remember who reach out to who but I’m so glad one of us did. I remember us fangirling so much back then! Thank you for being so supportive on my art and literally anything, and I’m so glad to have found you again! Here's to 2021 treating you right! I value you so much and I love you!

@seijuroww

Hi cameron! I hope you’re doing well lately! I just wanted to say holy shit! Im so proud of you and what you’ve done an accomplished! Just seeing you’re growth and journey has been so awe-inspiring. I hope you’re happier lately and im just so happy for you! Please know I’m here for you if you ever need help! I love you so much! 

To my lovely close mooties! 

@chibishae34

Hi SHAE!! Thank you for being one of my biggest supporter back on dinnachusart and just constantly liking and reblogging my works. You don’t know how much it meant to me being a small as artist and trying to scramble for a crumb of notes (XD lol). Sorry if I don't have much words to say I'm just so thankful that you were able to see me grow as an artist and i hope you still do!! Thank you for also being my penpal and please expect something hopefully this month! Here to 2021 treating you good and spending it together!

@datech

HI DIANA!! It’s the way you have my heart! You’re so sweet and adorable, you interaction in anything can brighten up anyones day. I'm still so surprise that were moots! It blows my mind cause I really admired you and your writing and I was intimidated by you!! Now look at where we are now! I’m ur disamu art dealer asddghhjkklldd.Thank you so much for your support on my art! It really does means the world and your comments are absolutely everything. Thank you for being one of the reason I stay on here! Cheers to 2021 love you and you deserve the best!

@sanriobimbo

HI PLUMMIE! PRETTY PLUMMIE SOULMATE!!! I'm so happy and glad we were able to hit is off so well! You’re one of the person I can feel so at ease with! I love our interactions and me just joking around with you lol! Just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you! Don’t ever doubt your writing please! Its the greatest and the world to my eyes! Make sure you take breaks and don't ever force yourself to provide or write! You simple being here is the greatest thing to happen to everybody you’ve come across! You deserve the world and imma fight 2021 if it ever crosses you! Love you lots plummie!

To my mooties who I'm so thankful that you even follow and interact with me!! I be fangirling and get so happy when you do! just know I love you all and appreciate you so much! I hope to see you all grow andsucceed to the absolute best in your life! Love you lots! Cheers to 2021. 

(In no particular order! I’m sorry if I sound repetitive. I’m sorry if you don't considered us moots ill take u off if u don't wanna be on here!)

@tsumtsumland : hope you doing well! Love you lots and ahhh im so thankful for you!! I love interacting with you! thank you for being my penpal and I hope to see more of eachother! I hope 2021 can be kind to you! 🤲🏽🥺💞💞💞

@midnightweeds: hi weeds! I just wanted to say im so grateful for you! Thank you for being so generous and lending a hand when i needed it the most! Thank u for sending me sakusa pictures as well! 🥺💞

@atsumuse: hi lay! ur such a cool person and I admire u so much! I hope 2021 treats you well! I love ur writng please its the best. 🥺💞

@tsukkis-crybaby: hi felicity! ur so beautiful and thank u for our interactions togther! I love seeing you on my dash and inbox! I hope 2021 is a good year for you! kisses for you!😘

@amberalisa hi alisa!! I hope ur doing well! I really love ur suna fic and can’t wait for your other one! happy New Years and I hope this year is a good year for you!!

@hisoillusandwich: hi Mae!! 🥺💞 ur sakusa fic is one of my favs and omg the fact ur interact with me at all my heart! here to 2021 being good to u beautiful!

@prettysetterbaby: hi jj!!! *screaming* you are so beautiful and deserve the utmost best in life! I love seeing you on my dash! thank you for being such a great person and supporting my art! you are so loved and I’m wishing nothing but the best for you! 2021 better treat you right!

@bucketofforks: hi hi bof! I’m so grateful for your interactions! they bring such smiles and laughs, I hope 2021 goes good for you!

@hq-trashies: hi kaley!! love seeing u on my dash sorry if we don’t interact as much! But you are such a beautiful person! Thank u for your book recs! send more my way haha’ I hope 2021 goes well for u!!

@velvesagi: hi jem!! Love seeing u on my dash!! thank u for ur interactions they mean a lot! Here’s to 2021 being a better year for you!

@sunaswife : hi knifey! I found you through ur suna series and I really love it!! I hope 2021 is a good year for you! Thank u for even interacting with u, pretty sure I was fangirlibg! Lol

@lovingnekoma: hi artimes! thank u so much for your interactions! they really do brighten up my day! I hope to be a better mutual to you! I hope 2021 can be ur year!

@inxriyama: hi bunny! 🥺🤲🏽💞💞💞really love ur writing and really enjoy our small interactions together! Here’s to 2021 being a good year!

@kurooblesse: hi tesh! I hope ur doing well and ughhhh please ur writing!! 😩💦 🥴 gives me the hots! Here’s to 2021 being good to you!!

@kenmasbb: hi tia!!! gaawwddd ur writing!! Please give me room to breathe! I really love our interaction and I hope u doing well and happy 2021!

@rintarhue: hi Kopi!! ur smau series are the best and ur rin one is so creative!! such a great writer and I hope to see more from you! here to 2021 being a good year to you!

@shoyosun: hi Marta!!! your art is so cute and can’t wait to see more of it!! thank u for being such a sweetheart and I hope we can interact more! cheers to 2021 being a good year!

@omijime: hi nini!! your so adorable and omg thank u for interacting with me! It means a lot! I hope you Samu, and suna have such a happy 2021 together!

@dxddykeiji: hi Sammy!! I know we don’t interact as much!! but I enjoy seeing you on my dash! thank you for being my moot and I hope 2021 is the best for you!

@radiantful: hi Martha! I’m so thankful for your interactions they brighten up my day! I hope 2021 is good to you!

@ukeishin: hi Celeste! thank u for poppin in my inbox here or there! I love our little interactions and hope we can interact more! I hope 2021 will treat you right! U deserve it!

@ladyrenart: hi Lena! I love your popping in my inbox! they make me smile so much! I appreciate you so much! cheers to 2021 being good to you!

@toniiihime: hi toni!! your so beautiful and your drawings are so cute! I can’t wait to see more! Can’t wait to see you grow! 2021 is ur year!

@aiiishiiiteru: hi nona! I know we don’t interact as much but I looove ur writing!! I’m screamed when u followed back XD! Cheers to 2021 being a good year for you!

@mi-yams: ren wifey!!! I love our interactions together!! you’re so fun and cute! I hope 2021 treats u well!

@darlingoshiki: hi saint! I hope 2021 is good to you! Thank u for popping in my ask here or there and I enjoy seeing on my dash!

@helloaisabelle: hi aisy! I love ur writing!! ur national team got me 🥴🥵 thank u for your interaction and I hope we can interact more! I hope 2021 is the best for you!

@onefortyninecm : hi Danielle! I’m grateful for interactions together m! Your art is amazing!! and you deserve all the love coming your way! you’re very beautiful and I hope I can be a better moot! here’s to 2021 treating you good! 🥺💞

@picassho-18​: hi Kate!! just wanted to say thank you for your support and I love seeing you inbox abs post! Wishing 2021 the best for u!

@inarizakicafe​: hi ni! I know where new moots. But I absolutely love your writing! I hope to interact more with you if that’s okay! cheers to 2021 to be a good year for you!

@itzdaichi​: hi lovely!! I just wanted to say your so sweet and adorable! Your interaction bring so much joy to me! I hope 2021 treats you right!

@tsukkikou​: hi kou! I really love our interactions and thank you for popping in my inbox for a while! It makes me really happy and I hope your doing well!

@suhkusa​: hi hi guys! Just wanted to say I love your writing and I hope 2021 is good to the both of you!

@sunseteyes​: hi gel!! ur so beautiful and I know we don’t interact as much! but I love when we do! I hope 2021 is a good year for you!

@alto-march-of-death​: hi al!! I appreciate our interactions and thankful that you even do in the first place! I hope to be a better moot and wishing 2021 is good to you!

@churochuu​: hi chuu!! I love our first interaction together!! you're art is so cute and adorable! 2021 better treat you right!

to my lovely anons and character interactions whoever you are. you guys absolutely have my heart. im so thankful that you guys even do this for me?? i feel like i dont deserve it. you guys make my day so much and i hope 2021 treat you so good. you dont know how much you guys are appreciated by everyone! love you! 

thank you to everybody for making the remaining month of 2020 one of my best! i love you all! 

[b00bconnoisseur]

Thoughts on ur own gf?

WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ASKING ANON CAUSE I LOVE TALKING ABT MY HONEYBEAN

Ok so first off, i just wanna start by saying that i love Cam sooooo soo much. Like shes legit not just my partner but one of my best friends and the first person i think of to tell anything to when something happens (whether it be bad or good) and it some ways ITS REALLY NOT FAIR THO

Like they KNOW i tell them absolutely everything cause literally if i even see a bird im like "BABE I SAW THE CUTEST BIRD DO YOU WANT TO SEE A PIC" and so if we're play arguing ill be like "fine i wont tell/show u this thing then" n she'll say "you'll tell me eventually" n its true tbh i give in everytime cause i like talking abt n sharing things with them n they know that nssbjsvs. An y wa y. Yea we're close ndvsnsvs

But ok so Cam is honestly really sweet and i think my favorite thing about them has to be that she's really like a v considerate and understanding person. Like im ngl ive had almost zero to no actual relationship experience and so theres alot of feelings and just *gestures* relationship things ive never experienced before. Like for example im not the best at like communicating personal things and problems in general but ive been working on trying to be better at it and they've been SO patient with me?? Like ive expressed all of this to them and theyve literally been so calm and sweet and assuring me that its okay and that things take time and they understand and are more than willing to be patient with me and i cant even begin to tell u how sweet that is and how much that really really even means to me to hear that, especially from her

And like if smtns wrong w me she'll ask if im okay and if i wanna talk abt whatever it is and i can literally go on abt it for hours while in a breakdown and the whole time we talk it over and they've always everytime been really sweet to me and, again, telling me i dont need to feel bad and reassuring me that stuff is okay and they completely listen and just are incredibly understanding and considerate. Like im abt to cry rn but i just love them so much 🥺 Like i always always feel so much better after talking to Cam about anything and that she really is so fuckin nice yo

Like i cant believe how lucky i got to be with them and just exist at the same time as them 😭

My baby is also so incredibly beautiful like h o l y s h i t. And she'll dissagree with me but its true! They have the most beautiful eyes and the cutest smile!!!!!!! They have dimples and i love them sI MUCH. THEYRE SO ADORABLE AND I WANT TO KISS THEM. N their dimples will show when he smiles and i just 🥺🥺

I honestly cant even tell you how happy and smiley i get when i see my baby and hearing their voice and laugh and its just literally the best thing

This is already long as hell but am i done? No BUT i will try n keep the rest shorter jdhdhs

One thing about cam is that they arent the best at verbally expressing their feelings into words while i v much am cause its my love language. But like the thing is they dont have say a mile long paragraph gushing feelings for me to know that im loved by them. They dont even have to say i love you (she does everyday but even still jdhdhdvs). Like all the above i said about them? Thats love. When she trusts me with stuff that she wouldnt/hasnt with anyone else? Love. When they send me memes and videos about interests i have cause they know id like it even tho theyve no clue about it at all? Love. When they /listen/ to me talk about kpop even tho they know jack shit but know i love it? Love. When we're just joking around together for hours? Love. When they hate hanging up the phone even when theyre really tired cause itd mean our call is officially over even tho we text immediately after? Love. When she sends me photos of their pets and of other animals cause she knows i love them? Love love love and i love love love them so so s o much

Theres so much more i wanna say but im gonna wrap this up so in conclusion: my girlfriend is the most amazing person and i love them more than words can even express. She's my honeybean and im so happy and grateful for them in my life

Heres an actual photo of me as a bonus!

[ladyxxdaydream]

Of course feel free to ignore this if its stepping boundaries. And if it is im sorry!! Im processing heartbreak of my own (3 years and it ended abruptly last summer) so I feel for you when you talk about yours (though I know yours was longer, im sorry). I actually found NATA a bit after and it seriously helped me through some of the toughest times, I kid you not. And then I'll Fall did as well and then all your others lol. And through falling in love with them I fell back into this fandom and back in love with writing and back in love with loving, honestly?? Despite the pain, those stories kinda made me a romantic lol. I was so hurt (still hurt) but I dunno.. they helped me really wanna do better, get better, strive for more. They helped me not give up on love and not close myself off which I always used to do. Ahh I dunno, I just wanted to let you know that your work has been a big comfort to me. And again if I overstepped, im really sorry!

I read this hours ago, and then re-read it several times, and then sent it to two of my friends, all while crying. I am so, so touched. this is probably one of the sweetest, most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.

i’m going to put the rest of my response under a cut because its gonna be long and your vulnerability is something i want to meet equally.

listen. when i first read this... i wanted to be bitter. bitter because I’ll Fall and NATA are directly influenced by my eight marriage that just ended; those are the only two fics I’ve written that are connected to my relationship, and ironically (or maybe not lol) my most popular and well loved stories. I’ll Fall is the story of how my partner and I met -- some of those scenes are directly lifted from my life -- and so much of myself and my wife are written inside Iruka and Kakashi in NATA, chronicling how our relationship grew over time. Of course, those stories are heavily embellished and transformed into a plot but my point is... reading that they helped you not give up and love, both broke my heart and healed me all at once.

I remember when my relationship ended, NATA was not yet complete, and I had this horrible moment where I thought: “if the seed that directly inspired them ended, then they also need to end.” I LITERALLY CONTEMPLATED DIVORCING THEM. But I am not a horrible person lmaoooo and of course they are a completely different entity than my marriage -- they were inspired by each other, not one in the same.

Even though that was my first reaction to your ask, it quickly faded away. Because... I find it absolutely beautiful and so incredible that my stories made you not give up on love, and to not close yourself off, and help you move on or let go. Because while my love (and your love) ended... it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It existed. It was real. And it was beautiful. And then it ended. And that’s okay. Love isn’t finite. And it comes in so many forms. And every variation of it is unique and special. Love will come again. It’ll come many times. Even if it’s not in the form of a person--love is everywhere, and everything.

And you know, writing that final chapter for NATA, a few months after my break up, was actually cathartic. I thought it would feel like a lie, but it didn’t. Writing them reminded me of how beautiful love can be, and I’m really grateful for it. I, too, learned a lot from them. They also served as my coping mechanism so to speak, providing me comfort and security. And I am beyond humbled and thrilled to know it served someone else in the same way.

It’s still hard for me to even comprehend, to be honest; the fact that those two fics inspire such emotional responses from people. But I think the reason people have responded to NATA and I’ll Fall so strongly, is because I laid myself bare. All my vulnerabilities and insecurities, and flaws, and heartbreak (in i’ll fall) are written all over it, as well as my experiences with love, which i’ve been blessed with richly, despite what may have happened. People always say to write what you know, and I guess I took that very literally lmao

anyway. i hope things get easier for you, if they haven’t already. i’m... five months? post-separation and still very much raw. and i gotta say... experiencing a break up during the pandemic is extra hard and weird. our friends cant hold us while we cry. we cant go out dancing or to a bar or do anything even remotely social that might help us ease us down that river of moving on, or give us that feeling of being newly single? idk?  it makes an isolating experience even MORE isolating. and has made the finality seem less real somehow? like ... sometimes i feel like im just waiting to get back together... even though i know thats not going to happen... i dont know if thats just my experience but...fuck.

i think my only advice is just... let yourself feel it. my biggest tool is meditation and trying to stay present. my favorite set of mantras recently is very simple -- each word corresponds with an inhale / exhale:

in/out

deep/slow

calm/ease

smile/release

present moment/wonderful moment.

And this quote by Louise Erdich:

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”   

And this poem by Buddy Wakefield, which might seem like an odd thing to watch while heartbroken but shrug??? lmao it’s a tear-jerking but also a real honest show of love at it’s finest.

And music. Music has always been a balm for my soul. Or cracked me open. Sometimes I need to be cracked open. Crying is the best medicine.

Suit of Armor by Danika Smith

going thru by christian alexander

holy by jamila woods

chin up by yoke lore

conversation by lucy rose

plus a zillion more.

ANYWAY, anon. I’m here for you. And my stories will always be there for you, whenever you need them. 💖 sending all of my love!!!!!!!

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[btxtreads]

ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu​

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji​ @qtsoobin​ @beomberry​ @txtdiaries​ and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame  but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: - 

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino 

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two 

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

[cassoliver]

new york’s very own cassandra “cass” oliver was spotted on broadway street in reebok club c 85 vintage shoes . your resemblance to  sydney sweeney is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your  twenty-first  birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being  naive  , but also compassionate . i guess being a  pisces  explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be exposed tan lines , loud laughter , and only ever wearing gold jewelry  . ( i slept with one of my co-stars while we were shooting on location, not knowing they had a significant other back home )  &  ( cis-female & she / her  )

lia takes on a second character TAKE TWO whAT is up you guys , it’s ya girl back at it again with another muse . i randomly got a lot of inspiration for this new girly pop and i feel p good about it ! go ahead and smash that mf like button if you wanna plot ! i can slide into your ims or on discord if that’s more your jam !

S T A T S ↴

– * FULL NAME : cassandra rosemary oliver – NICKNAME(S) : cass ( commonly referred as ), cassie – * AGE : twenty-one – * D.O.B : march 16th – * ZODIAC : pisces – * GENDER : cis-female –* ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic – * HEIGHT : 5′4″ – * NATIONALITY : american – * BIRTHPLACE : asbury park , new jersey – * OCCUPATION : student + actress – * TRAITS : compassionate, creative, intuitive, gentle, empathetic, fun-loving, naive, whimsical, loyal, subservient, overly emotional, pensive, fearful, overly trusting

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

   you’d have to be living under a rock to not know jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver . think brad pitt and angelina jolie , will smith and jada pinkett , or whatever other celebrity IT couple you fancy . jeremy is notoriously known for his acting career that took off in the late 80′s . around the same time , elizabeth marie’s acting / modeling career was taking off across the pond . the iconic duo met through work and quickly fell in love . after their over the top wedding ceremonies ( yes plural . they got married once in jeremy’s hometown in new jersey and then again in elizabeth marie’s hometown in england ). shortly after their holy matrimony , they produced three healthy babies : mason , samuel , and cassandra . there were a few years in between the kiddos , but they were all raised in a tight knit family outside of the limelight in asbury park , new jersey . their parents decided to take a break from working in order to raise their kids . i wish i could say that gave the oliver trio a normal childhood . but it’s kind of hard to go to public school and not draw attention to yourself when your parents are household names . it was hard for cassandra to understand that her parents were super famous and for some reason that meant something to people . if you asked her , there was no reason to get all starstruck over her parents . they were just people after all .

    so i guess you could say she had a normal childhood . at least , as normal as one could have with their name and photos constantly plastered all over tabloids . cassandra grew up in a happy and loving environment , which is nice . and with her dad working part time as a professor at his alma mater , juilliard , she and her family bounced back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york . and she throughly enjoyed experiencing the best of both worlds . both places felt like home to her and she and her brothers made the best memories together . see , her brothers were her best friends growing up . mason and samuel were five (5) and three (3) years older than her , respectively , and she followed them around everywhere they went . the two boys let her reluctantly at first when mom and dad forced them to but over time it became enjoyable to have her be just another member of their friend group . cassandra was well liked and throughly protected by her brothers and their friends . they shielded her away from all things dangerous : from substances to rude people . this led to a pretty sheltered upbringing . she lived in this little bubble where things were all good all the time .

   as she got older , she had to learn to fend for herself a bit more . no longer was she under the watchful gaze of her brothers , for they had rushed into graduating high school early so that they could pursue their own acting careers-- following in line with their infamous parents . having the oliver last name gave them an advantage in the film industry and they ran with that opportunity . meanwhile , cassandra stayed back and took her time . acting was always something she was interested in . there’s no way she could be a member of her household and not dabble in the art at least a little bit . but it wasn’t a top priority to her for a long time . she didn’t want to rely on her family name to get her somewhere in the industry . if she was going to do it , she wanted to do it right . she wanted to earn her place just like anybody else . and if it worked out for her then great ! and if it didn’t , well she prepared a back-up plan . she elected to go to NYU for business instead of studying acting or just bypassing college all together . she figured if all else failed , then she’d start her own company and branch out of the creative arts .

  and she took her college career very seriously . she’s studious and hard-working , genuinely enjoying learning new things and having a ‘ normal college experience ’. even though people still look at her funny or talk about her behind her back once they figure out why she looks so gosh darn familiar , she’s come to find that college students are much more chill than the kids that used to bombard her with questions about her famous family on the play ground . most days , cassandra gets by feeling like a completely normal girl . no fame or fortune , just a regular schemgular student trying to get by . and she’d probably gotten away with just melting into the background and never breaking out into the limelight if it wasn’t for one little netflix project she agreed on .

  it was just supposed to be another passion project . cassandra had done a few small roles in indie movies at that point . just enough to dip her toes into the movie making world but not enough to drag her away from getting a higher education . but when a script for a new netflix original series was slid in her direction by a family friend turned agent-- well , she just couldn’t put it down ! she loved everything about the show and knew she just had to be a part of it . so she gave up one summer of her life to film OUTER BANKS , not at all thinking that it would blow up the way it did a year later when it premiered . and now news is breaking out that the youngest oliver is finally stepping out into the acting scene , which is warranting a lot of media attention towards her . honestly , she feels pretty good about the project itself . she’s very proud of the show and is incredibly grateful that it’s doing as well as it is . but when it comes to all the notoriety she’s getting because of it , well ... she’s still adjusting to being famous in her own right and not just secondhand through her family . she’s a little overwhelmed . she’s a big girl now that has to navigate through this next chapter of her life without anybody holding her hand or shielding her from the highs and lows of being known . whether or not she thrives in the limelight or crumbles under the pressure is to be determined .

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

i think it’s really funny to call her the third franco brother ( yes dave and james have a third brother , his name is tom ). bc like her brothers are essentially mega stars w all the movies they’ve been in at this point and she’s sort of the other sibling that everyone forgets about . y’know until recently lol

she is a giant sweetheart !! just v lovey and kind and empathetic ,, has a warmth to her that makes it feel like it’s summertime all the time

v humble bc she does not consider herself famous what so ever . like being second-hand famous from her family and getting a few extra instagram followers bc of her last name is one thing , but with the success of her current show she’s being put on covers of magazines , being interviewed for teen vogue and stuff like that , getting verified on everything , and gaining hundreds of thousands of followers DAILY . it’s crazy to her

naive in the sense that she’s rlly out here thinking that everyone has a heart as big as hers and has only the best intentions when sadly that might not be the case !! so like ,,,, probs gets taken advantage of and doesn’t even realize it . or messes things up bc she thinks she can just continue living a normal average joe life when in reality her whole life has been far from average ,, the whole world’s got their eye on her and everything she says and does publicly can and will be scrutinized and she is just …. not prepared for that

wants to have a good time and do cool art sh*t !! as long as she’s being creative in some aspect , she’s happy . honestly doesn’t take a lot to make her happy

but also when she gets sad oh boy oh boy does she get sad . pretty much down and out and nothing anyone says or does can make her feel better unfortunately . will just self isolate and you just gotta let her ride it out ://

hobbies include painting , reading , collecting plants , and taking photos

has a second instagram account just for her photography ! @casstookthis lol

lives with her “babies” which are like 10 house plants and all of her books

v family oriented ! goes to visit her parents regularly and talks to her brothers basically daily despite living on two different coasts

acting was always something she knew she wanted to do-- and that may or may not have to do w her parents’ influence and the pressure to follow in their foot steps just like her brothers did 

as kids , she and her brothers would work together to put on performances in the living room for their parents . they’d make “short films” and upload them to all 6 of their subscribers on youtube

allergic to cats but wants one so bad ,, has never had a pet in her life actually

the little things amuse her . her sense of humor is really quite simple . hit her w some puns and / or a dad joke and you’ll have her rolling

is learning how to speak mandarin and french

always over-prepared , never underprepared ,, needs to feel like she is capable of handling anything or else she panics

cannot tell a lie to save her life , gets nervous and can’t make eye contact

at any given moment , you can tell what she’s thinking and what she’s feeling just from taking one look at her face . sometimes she tries to mask it because she is an actress after all . but it’s not hard to see through the facade that she puts on if you know her well

hopeless romantic af ! romanticizes everything in life ! loves love in all forms , romantic , platonic , self love , whatever ! looks at the world through rose tinted glasses and heart eyes ! probably falls in love with a person , place , or thing at least 5 times a day !

prefers summer and living near a beach / some body of water over living in the middle of the city . so she’ll often visit back home or go stay with her brothers in LA , not just to be closer to family , but to be more in her element

her family has so many houses simply bc their lives are all over the place ???? like they kept her childhood home in new jersey but they also always had a luxury townhouse in new york plus a summer home in the hamptons and a cottage in england and an apartment in los angeles that her brothers currently reside in . she used to just stay in the townhouse while going to school but she recently bought her own apartment bc she wants to be #independent

might catch her as the lead in a new netflix original movie coming soon *wink wink*

is in love with her best friend east harvey and they’re getting married

WANTED CONNECTIONS PAGE HERE

[screechingtrashcalzonewombat]

"Apopalictic Astral Asending" Reavaluate disassociate my self worth...

The galaxies have birthed an uncontrollable being ....

I've feel as tho Ive seen myself split in two ..

Witch side do u wanna see if ur lucky I'll let you choose .

Cause in the end I loose..

One of hate one of love could both be from up above..

Or down below ...

I've began to show signs of delusions as half my mind goes an tells me it's only mild confusion. As my body fights my brain an heart to escape theys terrible illusions.

Yet the other half tries to start a fusion of body an mind an all the suddently my thoughts are no longer mine..

But a evil so Divine that its wound it's way threw time itself I've fealt the damage the energy dealt. I've yelped in anquish an pain been stuck for 7 long years in the rain with nothing to gain .. I can barely fathom to explain im not fully on earth I'm on another astral plane but i fear i flew out of my lane I've gone insane never wanted fame Ever fealt like bat man I mean oops Bruce Wayne. Nah fuck hes spoiled a wet rat infact I'm more like hulk duck when I'm near i wearly see I'm drowning inside my mind but no one can hear my dear I fear I've lost control again but cant compute I've been booted out of the system I've clawed hit an kicked to try to get to the top but i outta of known I've been ripped an thrown from my throne ive been shown what this beast can do but who woulda thought a demon bought my soul ..a jackal a goul.....you'll see me shift into numbness I suposse it was my own dumbness for being to open now cause of me my body an mind are broken an stole. as I weep an shutter an i try to speak but only stutter I found myself weak in defeat ....as ik this demon reaching its peak will plunder an pillage the town I've found I'm bound to this beast nowhere to run not north south or east I can run it will feast on my soul until the end of time ..

For diamonds cannot compare to the rarity of a soul nor a bowl of Ruby's an jems rolled in gold .....

A bold statement you say........

.. theres no ray of light here they stole it away buried it in your mind but how can u define being locked trapped in yourself ...

You've dealt your own fate ...

Wanting ansers u dint deserve ..

Did you like your just dessert's...no?

Dose it hurt ..... After you itll kill children's childhood freinds like bernie & eart ....whent bizzirk an bashed there brains makeing bloody rains

curking on everyone with cutlery forks an knifes* slice *cook big bird with chives after I've shanked him 900 times... 100 more woulda been devine serve him drink to dry alone cooked an ripped him to the bone but not quite alone u may not be home inside but u can still watch...I thought I taught u better than to close ur eyes dont beg or look surprised look away an I'll adopt another stray to do the same a slow sweet death cure's my hunger anyway

.the wines innocents blood bitter sweet to the taste of the tounge

no one thought it capable I seemed...looked ...so young..

They dint know it had just begun it wasn't me but the evil half committing crime with glee an fleeing repetavidly revealingly images to my mind of times & crimes so sickening I thought I'd die forever scetched seered into my mind .binded with no power as one towers over you using your power you cowar for how dose one define the disasbalment of there an every defined mind while ur inner demon dines on flesh making a mess of your vessel you cant even wrestle your way to the light to stay only break down in defeat that your so far away you've became an internal mess cant even stand on ur feet the beast has u chained in defeat u cry an apologize looking for answers as of how to stop.....an then...you hear a voice .." you outta stayed silent instead of talk back. U shouldn't of complained do u still think ur life used to be pain...... . Ur a sack of shit ur wit is less than that of an ant not to rant but I'm not done yet I have ur soul now I'm never letting go no no no I have plenty more so much to show many souls to reap an emotions to subdue after all u said yes.....

...did you forget ur the one who started this.

mess ......you dressed your mind with fantasy an fiction word to the wise never mess with other worldly friction an your itching for a way out but I doubt ull get there before the end of time .after all you had a devil an an angel on ur shoulder an you chose wrong this time. Only took 666 times but I'm patient an always waiting for 6 years hating an burning flesh waiting for a prayer a call after all Lucifer was once an angel an the most beautiful you just dint get to see from what angle he had beauty wrath an determination but u humans resulted in his isolation incarsorason. So now we will end up being humanity's enialation when were done there entire selves with evaporate for the demons have released self hate to pro create creatures in confidence we annihilate the fate of the human race at least the trace slight like us able to bust threw dementions so weve mentioned a start to find the inordinary soul an heart ......humanity was doomed from the start.. you stole our purpose our reason to be......humans sit in sin an glee.

Your humanitys Pride is overbearing never genuinely caring ..

Greed is sweeping the nation its reached ever state an it's got a hot heaping plate of corruption for mankind's consumption greed is grotesque in its steps of the darkest quest to corupt ur mind an want. .want..want until that's all you are is wanting more

Lusting over losely draped garments you've tarnished ur soul .

Envy of what you do not posses but for all you know that information an life would make you a mess but ud still test ur envious tendencies.....

Glutton glutton what have you gained it's not knowledge no for it's to plain rather glutton uve found a urge that wont go away....

Wrath an vengeance blood draw too no one stops till some dies him or you....

Sloth last but not least cant forget you cause uuuh wait what that fuck do u do....you sleep an sulk sit slither out of simple tasks an that's why ur not 1st no ur last like humanity just ask ....

So soon the day will draw near the the number 4 is what you should fear our dear old freinds were sending up for a visit so they can reddit ur fate for each a horse an a trait the first out the door with bow in hand riding a white horse with bow in hand

..

Conquest the start of the final test leading the restthere dark version of light on a white stallion he leads the way an soon will follow hades anyway.

War was next on a red steed he rode prepared to purge an quench new blood for the wars an battels would just begin brother against brother an close of kin witch to win?

Famine foe of all on a black horse with the courses hair so fair merely bone but dont let his appearance fool you hes for he is full devouring your greed taking away everything you want or need an now ur rationed to nearly starvation stretching farther than destination world wide sensation...

Pleage reaper of souls slowly apears steadly trotting riding a very sickly steed looking pale an almost gruesome green with sores an sickness best keep a distance. For he shall be the bringer of death an reap you all one by one to the four you shall fall...

Will you be spared are you true....

Are you happy with your life what did you do...?

Rapture no you still must die.....

Say good by to this earthy chapter theres so much more that manifest after.

But only your earthly husk must rust an fall your all energy of grate mass....

It's time to take the task of self evolvment an enjoy an enlightened installment

this world was just step wrench ur third eye wide open an accept the token of eternal life.

Grinded it to atoms a flash of dust all together ur a self fulfilling must memory pass u in a rush.....

. sudently ur bodysuit is gone ....

But it dint felt like it quite belonged.

You were 7 grams of light matter to be exact an sudently you've cracked the atmosphere ..steering energetic waves my metal psyche caves to the new information flying threw stars consolations.

Suddently speeding at the sound of light the stratosphere seems to disapear ..

My fear is gonewithout a trace an freedom transferred in its place

but am waved in infatuation to find out about out true destination...

Restoration of the soul the goal of a higher self being achieved as I crash into the sun 1500°

I feel a warmth like no other each being hues of light I might of missed earth if not I heard a voice but a mental push no need for speech just thinking it shall be done said by the the brightest in the sun.

Rejoice at last but ur journeys yet to pass ..

This is merely were you start ....

Our flames grew high with frantic waves not wanting to give up the new life we were just gave

Suddenly our flames grew dim as we felt a swirling deep from withn sudently the surface of the sun turned to tin an bent in a cracked an caved with itself our time an space sending us ascending in alignment the same assignment.

Because the sun has begun to change ina twisted way a black hole some could say.

As all of our astral beings were ripped an tore apart at the seams we all merged an formed one all knowing creative being an sudently everything I've know has little matter I'm past a point of human chatter i understand infinity the holy trinity I down in the milky way an experienced every life I've relived it twice I've spliced my genetics into over 2000 million beings I've seen good an bad in between experienced every tragedy to build my strength an studyd every thesis an theory thread an chain nearly drove my vessel insane even took knifes threw my veins in anger yet it failed I was just a trailer.ive seen love hate an anger

Comprehension compasing many others I have love an understanding past many beings there anger seems to brush by me cause I'm with 2000 souls an minds that have formed one to reach a state I can medidate in the milky way an force your negative away .

Our astral self has accumulated complete power an understanding by costuming to our full potential our old body's merely a rental.

Gentle at first then bursted into power showered in knowledge I know now much that I wondered before but now I want more an I've thought till I an 2000 shared beings head hurt cause my girth of knowledge will now never be enough it's tough cause now I must find .... how to ascend again but for now i must defend my vast mind defind crime ...?

Keeping 2000 vast voices locked away so I can focus an try to learn anyway leaning in to vast places is I the 1st 2nd or 3rd or other many plains I cant quiet place I'm traveling threw them all searching for everything I couldn't before .

This life isent like the countless other this life I like it has interesting teathers

I've surpass Angel's an there feathers an vison of a hawk.

I've surpass demonds and there demonic temping talk ..

I've walked on water as I was ripped apart an I felt my self rebuilt every cell of my being got hit with rods of power lightning not even myself can fight me god like abilities the universe as built in me theres ben a spiritual shift a tilt in me somthing generations of DNA sprawled out in a numerical display my old life experiences is the price I pay so that I can be god even if only for a day

I think I'll sit an think somewere in the outter spink of the universe I've cursed myself with knowledge an now I'm aware step into my astral space....

If you dare...

[xomi-ne]

idk what your ho antics are but please give some tips

omg alright so look here for reference to the highlights of my ho antics!!

ok so for tips,, im like only experienced in like getting guys for hookup type of stuff and general self improvement,,, i am not good for relationship advice but:

 whenever ur talking to someone or even if you’re about to, be SUPER clear with the person–and yourself too– about what you want. it’s all about managing expectations in order to avoid getting too attached or hurt by someone.

building off of managing expectations, disappointment is likely going to happen. like yay new people but also like gotta be careful on our expectations and perceptions of them. guys who say they aren’t into dating or arent looking for anything serious really do mean that!! i cant emphasize enough,, that people,,esp women,, shouldnt stick around in the hopes of changing someone’s mind about a relationship. 0/10 would not recommend. also like,, i hate saying this but,,, not projecting my expectations of who/what someone is onto the person and then being eventually disappointed by them when they dont meet it,,, is like a huge problem that i had and took me a while to really understand.

ok getting into the fun ho shit, i use like “dating” apps like tinder which is like a wreck. and then there’s like a p popular one in nyc rn called hinge and it was literally everywhere on the subway so i was like lemme check it out. it’s both like a really fun and horrific app sometimes. like it really does expose you to a lot of people really fast and it can be p overwhelming and intimidating. also tinder is straight up a hookup app lets be HONEST.

my tinder profile is literally some suggestive ass shit. LMAO like i’ve had it as “i just wanna go to a party and maybe something else? (eye emoji). i’ll attach what it is rn at the bottom of the post LMAOO. im like p explicit about what i want tho and for the most part, guys are too??

i exude more confidence than i might actually have?? which is gonna happen but literally like men are horny as hell and it’s taken me a while to realize that they arent really critical about your body. like if you hook up with a guy,, like he is a lot more grateful and happy and focused on the fact that he gets to have sex. this is and tbh prob still is like the best thing i’ve realized, cause i really like became less critical and restrained when talking to guys. like i wasnt as afraid to show off the chubbier parts of me. oh, also for my fellow thicc people. it’s like a great time to be thick as fuck. 

have fun with it!!! honestly i would not recommend going into dating apps cause you’re bored/insecure and want to seek validation. like that’s definitely where i’ve been from and ik that’s how a lot of other people get onto dating apps but uhh it can get real messy really fast. i would overall say be v aware of like,, your intentions and how you are feeling.

hopefully these are good tips,,, yall can send more if you’re interested or have more q’s hehehe,, or if yall wanna hear about my ho stories or the guys ive met. A lot of them for some reason go to the same school and I’m like HAHAHA *hos in secrecy*

Also my current tinder profile: Apple said thirsty bitches rights

[niel-trbl]

My Favourite Cup Noodles

Note: (very odd title i know) this was written some time ago when I managed to catch one of his solo lives and I think it was when he talked about their song Insomnia. I wrote this purely based on that brief memory so if there’s any mistakes, please just look past it im sorry (/ω＼) anw, hope you enjoy reading this one!

In this world, everyone is assigned a lifetime partner, whom they can identify by the little sign on their body - a tattoo. However it wasn’t the same for everyone. For some, it could be a tattoo of their partner’s favourite thing in the world. For others, it could be a tattoo of the name of the place where they would meet them. Or even the first sentence being exchanged with their partner.

For you, it was just a little tattoo of cup noodles that decorated the back of your arm with the words you should try this one circling around it. You weren’t sure what significance it brings to you, apart from the fact that it is your absolute favourite cup noodle brand. But one thing for sure was that cup noodles were probably an essential in your life, considering your work life.

Just because you were idol, doesn’t mean you hold back on the cup noodles. In fact they were your company whenever you stayed up late to work - which were very frequent due to your insomnia. As a result of that, you did a lot of live broadcasts as well. That night(morning) was no different.

“Hi everyone! For today’s broadcast, I want you guys to share with me your favourite songs and I’ll play them,”

So you went on with the broadcast - getting recommendations, sharing stories and answering questions.

“Please get some sleep - yes I do get lots of sleep. Don’t worry but thank you for your concern guys. Actually speaking of that, I have a song in mind,” with a quick search on your desktop, Stray Kids’ Insomnia started playing from the speakers.

Before you got too carried away by the song, you slowly lowered the volume after the chorus ended. You then explained about why you recommended the song.

“It’s not that I am too busy or don’t want to sleep. It’s just that… I find it hard to sleep? The moment I close my eyes, all I can think about is what happened in the day, what am I gonna do tomorrow and I just end up creating scenarios in my head. I initially thought I was the only one who experience this. That is until I came across this song! If I’m not wrong, Bang Chan-nim too experienced the same thing. So it’s somewhat nice to know that I’m not the only one,”

You felt a little vulnerable talking about it live because it was something only you and close friends who knew about. You’ve told a few others about it but they never understood it and immediately dismissed it as you not wanting to sleep. But when you knew about a fellow artist (Bang Chan) who also experience and shared the same sentiments about it, you felt at ease. It was nice to know that you weren’t alone. A part of you wished your potential soulmate would be as understanding and also help you through it.

“Are you and Bang Chan friends? Oh no no, we’ve met on shows but never got the chance to talk. I do listen to Stray Kids and 3RACHA a lot and really like their music,”

After that broadcast, you started getting a lot of comments and messages from STAYs, thanking you for liking their music and even started gaining more fans. You never thought much of it but you were grateful that more people know you and are a fan of your works.

Just like the week before, you decided to do another live broadcast. This time you were surprised that there were even more people tuning in to your live.

“Bang Chan recommended your songs during his live the other day! He did? Wow, thank you so much Bang Chan-nim for listening and recommending my songs!”

Slowly, it started becoming a cycle of both of you recommending each other’s songs during your respective lives. Sadly since you weren’t doing any promotions, you weren’t able to meet Bang Chan in person. You didn’t know anyone who knew his contact details either so your chances of befriending him were low. If you could contact him in any way, you wanted to thank him for giving your music a chance.

It was one of those nights as usual - you had trouble sleeping. There was nothing you wanted from the company vending machine so you opted for the convenience store. You were feeling a little adventurous that night so you decided to make your way to the other store that was further down the street, just out of curiousity.

You stood at the cup noodle aisle, deciding which one would be your company for the night. Even though you always pick the same one (your absolute favourite), you just do it out of habit.

“You should try this one,” you saw a hand extending out towards you, presenting your favourite cup noodles.

“That’s my favourite!” you said, almost too enthusiastically.

The moment you turned to see who it was, you were shocked. You can’t believe out of all the places, you actually finally met Bang Chan!

“OMG BANG CHAN! I mean, hello Bang Chan-nim,” you quickly greeted him.

“Oh no no just call me Chan! So wanna have some ramen with me?” he offered in which you cocked your head to the side.

The Bang Chan wants to eat with you? Is this even real? He wants to eat with someone like you? You don’t think you’re cool enough to even hang out with him.

“AH! I didn’t mean it that way! I’m so sorry! I just- AH IM SO SORRY!” his face went super red.

“OH no no it’s okay! You want to... eat with me? Really? If you aren’t busy or anything,”

With that, both of you sat by the window in the store. Even though you’ve never talked to one another before, it felt very comfortable. Maybe it was because both of you listened to each other’s music. Maybe it was how Chan makes you feel comfortable. The way he patiently listens to your stories and never pushes you to tell him things that you didn’t feel like talking about. He had this aura that made you feel at ease, which weirdly made you want to drift to sleep as well. Not to say that he was boring or anything, but he somehow makes your mind rid of your worries and feel peaceful.

“So what are you doing here at this hour?” he suddenly asked.

“Probably the same reason why you are here too,”

“Can’t sleep?”

“So tell me,” you sang in the tune of Stray Kids’ Insomnia.

You really wanted to facepalm yourself in that moment. You can’t believe you did that, right in front of him! Thankfully, Chan was nice enough to laugh it off and play along. He was really nice. After that meal, both of you exchanged numbers to talk more before parting ways. You slowly made your way back to the company studio with a bag of cup noodles for your sound engineer who texted you earlier, asking you to get one for him.

“Dude, guess who I met just now?” you removed your jacket after handing him the cup noodles.

“The president? What, I told you to get my favourite!”

“They didn’t have it at the other store. Anyway, I finally met Chan! As in Stray Kids’ Bang Chan,”

“Really? Come to think of it, I’ve worked with Chan before. Really talented kid and really nice,” he went ahead and prepared the cup noodles anyway.

“Yeah he’s really nice!” even before he could eat the noodles, you grabbed it the moment it was ready.

“Yah you had yours already! Did you just get your tattoo done or something? It’s so red,”

You quickly looked at the back of your arm, where your soulmate tattoo was at. The skin around it was pretty red but what was different was the change in colour. Your tattoo had always been in black but now, the cup noodle is in red and the text around it had a red rim. Why did it just change though?

“It’s my soulmate tattoo! It changed though, it used to be all black remember? Why did it change?” you asked as he examined it in detail.

“Hmm… Maybe you met soulmate somehow today?”

You looked at your tattoo again. You should try this one - for some reason, it kept ringing in your head. Did you hear this somewhere? Did someone said this to you today?

“You can finish the cup noodles, I don’t want it anymore,” he said before leaving the studio.

The cup noodles! Bang Chan! He said “you should try this one” while holding that exact cup noodle! Wow, is Chan really your soulmate? Is he really the other half to your cup noodle soulmate tattoo?

In that moment, you had received a text from Chan, along with a photo. It was a photo of the back of his arm, showing a tattoo of cup noodles in red, with the text that’s my favourite circling around it. It was almost like yours.

“I think we need to talk. Another round tomorrow with your favourite cup noodles?” he texted.

Of course, you said yes.

[hereliesbitches--me]

God, do you know what the best feeling in the world is?

When your rp partners create big worlds and story lines and don't forget you..

When they mention your muse and make an effort to involve you within a thread and you're just..

Gosh, I'm just experiencing this fluctuation if emotions and I dunno whether it's because I'm sad or happy, but to counteract that, I wanna spread positivity to those people that make this rp place feel okay for me. And I'll tag it by verse with the people involved. Sorry for any of ya’ll who were repeated but yall just so important.

■ Skellig Family ■

•@ex-mercenary @bladeofthehawk @burmecias-protector @fcllenstcr @white-hawk @celestialspitfire

So, Berserk was my very first Fandom when I got here. I was like..16 years old and just discovered Tumblr, and here the little person I was went looking for friends and tried to impress just to belong. And you all let me in. Its been almost 4 years and we’ve stuck it through hell together, even when it had its ups and downs. People like you guys made it feel homely, and we created one hell of a story with all sorts of dynamics, even if Miurah is falling behind.

It feels good belonging somewhere, and I have all you guys to thank for my growth as both a writer and a person. Rosie has come a long way thanks to many of you, and ya’ll saw her in her ugly duckling stage as a character too. Thanks for not throwing me to the wolves <3

■ Modern Verse Family ■

• @draconicmatriarch @earthlyspirxts

April, you were my first friend here on Tumblr. We started in Berserk, but man have we gone a long way. Kia and Rosie have gone a long way.. and you have so much life and potential in Kia, im grateful to even be a part of it and bask in her glory as a character and a world.  And Zed, while we have only just met, you’re a damn cool person. 

This verse has been an emotional roller coaster and fucking murders me but still, even as a new verse, Its coming along so damn well. And I wanna thank you both for letting me join the nightmare story of a ship between Kia and Souther so I can fucking die by the end.

■ Rosieverse ■

▪@faircstcfall @mordorslord

Mits, my boy, the real mvp that always makes the effort to bring me in no matter the muse. You’re the real mvp, and Honestly I appreciate that so much. You put such a bug effort to involve and write with me, even if im slow as fuck, and just..I said it before, but thank you. It means the goddamn world to me and you have no idea. You even coined the name of this verse after Rosie and used concepts of mine to write Sauron, and that felt so damn good.

Ophelia, my angel, we’ve only just met through this verse and its gonna be one hell of a ride, but you’re such a sweet and talented writer. Breathing a breath of life I didn’t give a second glance to up until you came along. This is gonna be so fun, and thank you for taking interest in Rosie.

■ Pokeverse ■

▪@skulldxddy @maxskulline

To Tris and Mary, never in my life did I ever actually think my ass would get into pokemon until you shmucks came along. From Guts and Casca, to Guzma and Max. Im so damn grateful for the two of you willing to take me along for a fresh new adventure in a world I never even knew past Diamond and Pearl gen. You two are two people i’ve always loved and admired, and helped support me in hard times. 

Damn do I look forward to our future endeavors in a new fandom.  Thanks for taking me with you 

■ Original Verse ■

▪@thewhitepoison

This motherfucker and your bigass cuban nose, what can I even say about you? Been friends for too damn, you steal my fuckin birthday and we share a world and shit.  Biggest pain in the ass in the world, but it don’t change that you’re one of my good friends 

and We’ve created a whole world together that everyone is gonna know one day. Thank you, bitch, for putting up with my ice queen ass and sticking it through to make something iconic. Your royal pains are an extension of the world and this too is gonna be a journey.

Thank you very much, Monkey face.

- @doctor-2-insane-andfriends

Lucas, I could never forget you. Its thanks to you that I could even evolve the Moon concept and put it to use.  You’re a gifted writer with incredible concepts for eldritch horrors that needs to be appreciated more. Those sick fucks called deacons are now Rosie’s monster children and you can’t tell mem otherwise.

You’re incredible, and I hope you never let anyone, or life, let you think otherwise. Keep up all the great work, man, you’ll go far.

  Most importantly of all, in the list of all these people, is

@osteum

My best of Friends, my ray of sunshine , my other half, just what would I do without you? Avert thine eyes if you’re not prepared for some sappy love shit cuz im about to go to town.

You and I have been friends for almost going on 2 years now.. You were my Guts, my Ruvik, and now you’re my Eddie. You and I have had a real rough patch lately but im glad where we are. Came back stronger, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  It’s thanks to you that I've really expanded with Rosie and an assortment of verses.. We’ve made a lot of stories no one knows about, and we don’t do much writing here, but I got you on other places and it still means the world to me <3

I hate being without you, man. I can’t do that anymore at this point, so this is my public appreciation of the best boy in the world whom I love so very much.

Thanks for staying with me and not getting bored or thinking im bland. Thanks for giving a shit about Rosie and her world.. It means more than you can imagine. Eddie and all your muses mean so much to Rosie, and I still hope they can be as iconic together as Guts and Rosie were <3

As for everyone else.. 

         Thank you 

Thank you for reading my shit, Thanks for showing any interest in me at all, and I hope to have the chance to write with as many people as possible. Thank you all for making me feel worth while!!