#but i just need to get it out there

[breathlesswordsbloodyknees]

fuck. if i start thinking i won't stop. hands shaking in the slightest ways, at the ready to overwhelm. like soldiers in a line. i have to remind myself that i have til noon tomorrow to go back to work (even though it's a bell to bell day, i think i'm just gonna skip the morning which i'm sure the gm will have something to say) it's halloween. normally i'm so excited. i was gonna wear my shark costume to work. lmao not anymore.

but there's no way around it, gotta go through it. whatever happens happens. but it happened it's over it's done and all i know is "serious steps have been taken"

i need a new fucking job. i can't stand the idea of working a deal with him, and it's near unavoidable at some point. i mean yeah, i'm moved. but it doesn't work like that.

been listening to Placeholder over and over and over and now I'm on Nothing Feels Good Anymore. because well, yeah. nothing feels good anymore. not the car sales, not the writing (though i am proud of that, i expressed a lot that i usually shove down) not the relief from the hr investigation being done. just the fallout.

all i can do is sit with the feelings. there's the rational logical legal reasons he's not fired. and i can acknowledge that.

but the feelings. how is it every time they feel like the worst thing i've experienced. and i've gone through a fucking lot. but this might be taking the cake. like i put myself out there, i did the 'right' thing. the brave thing. everyone keeps telling me that. that i'm so brave, that i'm helping others, that what i did matters.

but nothing feels good anymore. so we search sad angry pop punk on spotify and hope to cry it out.

which lately has only been in silent moments at my desk when i just can't help it staring blankly at my computer, crouched outside the dealership hoping a customer doesn't come by, in my car outside my house in the moments before i unbuckle my seatbelt. stifled breakdown while trying to watch the first predator movie at my friend's house.

i don't know if i've ever had as severe a breakdown as that, i feel bad for my friends for having to witness it. but the shaking, the tension, the vise around my heart getting tighter and tighter. and cold, so fkn cold. like the time i got locked out of the house in the middle of chicago winter. footprint in the ice.

if i cry at home, really the wracking shaking loud sobs that i need, my dog, the love of my life, gets so upset. pounces on me and licks my face relentlessly. she's trying to do what she can, and it's very sweet, but i can't let it out. anywhere. i mean everyone's either worried about me or uncomfortable and i can't blame them. even my customer picked up on it when we had to go to chevy. fucking prey ass animal behavior of me. like a fucking deer like a rabbit and normally i'm not the most opposed to that dynamic

i'm the furthest thing from okay right now, having pushed this away since fucking july. three months of every fucking day stuck feet away from him. pretending i wasn't collapsing inside, flinching every time he came near, every time he laughed at a joke. not to mention everything that happened with m!josh. don't need to think about that quite right now.

so i gotta give myself grace, right? acknowledge that it's not...it's not okay. it wasn't ever okay. and it might never be. but it happened. it happened. it happened. and we sit with it. it doesn't ever leave, we just grow around it. easier said than done and the furthest thing from a quick process.

and its haunting me, but i feel fine/war of worlds in real time better off signing a truce that's drawn up in your name but i hope you go home and admit you/were wrong for the stress you put me through free me from the anchor/depart these seas and let me do what i have to do

running around in circles/the path i always choose/i hate that i can't accept anything more than the worn out soles of my shoes

can't eat anything more than half a small meal, if that. can't sleep. tension headaches and stiff neck, always. chronic shit acting up. every joint feels unmoored. always a little dizzy.

but there's the little moments. laughing with my friends. a warm cup of tea. laughing at that celebrimbor gif. connection with people. it's there. it's there. sunlight in the fall trees that make the world look like Lindon.

doesn't stop the ache. heartache is an apt description but it's maybe the worst i've ever felt. like i know panic attacks and chest pain and trauma well, but this... i'd think i was actually dying if i didn't know better. i try to sit with the feelings, let them just be there, pass over me. grounding, breathing exercises. but then it just bubbles up, so visceral. pain doesn't cover it. it takes my breath away.

so we throw ourselves into fiction. relate too strongly to characters. write long overly personal think pieces that will probably certainly fade into oblivion. we lean on supportive people but we can't overwhelm them and that's all i am right now, overwhelming. we try to share without trauma dumping or word vomiting. process. we try to process. we try we try we try. whatever way we can. we do this, write and write and write and post a waaaay too personal thing. but it is indeed tumblr.com so i mean idk

but those little moments. the light in the trees, the warmth of the cup. it can be like that. it has to. it has to. it has to.

headstrong in the world/with the wind at my back

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Dick (Nightwing) and Jason (Robin) stare at Bruce. One sports pleading eyes, the other a shit eating grin. There’s a child between them with black hair and blue eyes.

Bruce, he doesn’t know what’s happening but he doesn’t like it: No.

Dick, grinning: He’s our younger brother now.

Jason, nodding seriously: You’re not gonna take him from us.

Tim, got kidnapped while taking photos of patrol, just happy to be there: Where’s the Batcave?

Bruce: what.

Dick, grinning wider: He’s ours now.

[risetherivermoon]

ppl dont talk about the fact that even Daisuke's characterization is affected by Jimmy's unreliable perspective. He refers to Daisuke as a spoiled rich kid who has his mommy and daddy behind him, that he's impressionable and stupid, and i do see people kinda characterizing him like that

like he has these rich parents who will dote on him and give him everything, that he's an airhead who isn't good at anything...

yet in curly's perspective we see that he's good at board games, he's trying his best, he's trying to listen to swansea and learn from him. He did get the internship from his parents but not because he wanted to, but because his parents thought he wasn't going anywhere in life, that he needed to be doing something. Daisuke is silly and a positive person but that's just for show, we see in the scene where Jimmy finds him lying on the floor drunk on mouthwash, that Daisuke isn't doing well, he's scared and feels sad about his parents. He makes jokes to cope with the horrible tension on the ship.

people characterize him as a stupid little kid too much for my liking, that's how Jimmy sees him. As a spoiled brat who came on the ship just to be an inconvenience. Even Swansea didn't see him like that, sure he complained about him but in Daisuke's final moments we see Swansea's true colors and how much he actually cares for him. He's an adult, who's putting on this happy go-lucky persona because he truly wants to succeed in life, and he's doing the internship for his mom and dad even though he doesn't want to. So he makes friends, he tries his best, he wants to be on the good side of everyone on the ship.

Jimmy just saw him as an easy target, someone too trusting and easily manipulated. A stupid kid he can use to get what he wants. He even plays with Daisuke's feelings of needing validation from Swansea, someone he looks up to. He tells Daisuke that by going in the vent, he'd make Swansea proud.

Daisuke isn't someone who has it easy or someone who's a stupid airhead. Jimmy just saw kindness and positivity as weakness.

[kensatou]

(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[snarkspawn]

the devil you know

[jakeperalta]

I'm curious. what job would you do if money was no object (you just automatically had an income you could live comfortably on)? including work like volunteering, studying etc. please share in the tags :)

[bigweldindustries]

going through the hades 2 stuff and im sorry but i just have to ramble a second because look at Hephaestus

he's not just a wheelchair user but also an amputee. an above knee amputee. wheelchair users are already next to nonexistant in video games but amputees exist in this really...disheartening? spot where they're pretty much just reduced to "person with a cybernetic limb" - it's always just somewhere from "just a cool visual design" to flat out "superpower". I can't think of a video game amputee that is actually disabled by their limb differences - I'm all for futuristic worlds where prosthetics and other disability aids are far advanced from what they are now, but that's not really what's implied by these designs. They're just... Cool designs that in no way reflect on the real-world experience of being an amputee.

Look at Hephaestus, though. Look at that prosthetic. Whilst stylised it very much looks like it functions like common mechanical knees - knee bends when thigh is lifted, knee straightens when thigh is lowered. He's a wheelchair user as well as a prosthetic user - every prosthetic user I know is also a wheelchair user as a prosthetic is not usable in every occasion and also cause exhaustion and pain if used constantly.

Whilst we can't see much of his wheelchair the position he's sat in and the wheels very much evoke active wheelchair to me - this carries on to very specifically the thickness of his arms. Whilst a lot of Hades designs are muscular Hephaestus has very noticeably thick arms - which makes sense, as active wheelchairs require a lot of arm strength.

Just overall this design is making me want to cry - he's not just an actual wheelchair user in a video game, he's a realistic depiction of an amputee, a disability usually brushed over in order to give a character a fun design quirk and nothing else. He's fat and he's hot and he's a realistic depiction of an above knee amputee. Oh my god. Oh my god?

[sergle]

ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE, people dropping mad mad sums of money on gfms and charities and stuff are extremely impressive but that DOES NOT MEAN that putting like $5 towards someone's fund or any good cause is any less valuable, a lot of crowdfunding is about momentum and those single digits add up super fast, you do not need to be Rolling In The Dough to make someone's day!! moving the dial at all is extremely positive!!

[hymnoeides]

'Cause I'm stuck with your stories

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[lbulldesigns]

There's something I've just realised with how Jinx, Isha, and Sevika communicate with each other.

None of them have to actually say words to each other, because they understand what the others saying through body language and looks.

Sevika and Jinx fight seamlessly alongside each other without calling out to each other.

The way they bicker without uttering a word, for example, when Sevika fully takes stock of how her arm look or when the music starts blasting and Jinx just responds with a shrug or a little dance.

Jinx thanked Isha by doing the finger gun towards her and Isha, understanding instantly that it was acknowledgement.

Jinx instructs Sevika on how to operate her new arm by just indicating the motion.

I love dynamics like this because it just shows the level of trust that all three have in each other, even though they know nothing about each other.

Jinx has been isolated from others for the past eight years, Silco has had Sevika work like a horse and, too frustrated with Jinx to really get to know her, and Isha is a new addition and non-verbal. But they still worked together perfectly.

[yuzuuu4]

(post 2.1 quest) unexpected

[panthermouthh]

“Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?”

[hotvampireadjacent]

@staff @humans

You know, as another user said, even 4chan is at least able to tell people why they were banned/ had their accounts deleted. No one can possibly appeal if you don’t tell them why. But maybe thats why you don’t list a reason.

Many trans women have been banned with no official answer given. Idk if I were running a website that the community hates the moderation and team for constantly banning and deleting the blogs of trans women I would , at minimum, be a little more transparent about why they were banned.

It’s very clear that trans woman are held to an impossible standard that the rest of the website isn’t. Trans woman are our fellow bloggers, friends, lovers and family. You’re actively alienating the few people who actually use this website anymore. This is a pattern of behavior and targeted attacks.

Trans women get banned for no reason but you can’t do anything about @nyancrimew getting rape threats? It is on its own there???????

There is a double standard where trans women are held to an impossible standard you’re able to shut their blogs down for no reason but apparently you’re powerless to do anything about actual hate crimes on this website.

Date posted: June 13th, 2024. For reference in case I get banned like I’ve seen other people instantly banned for speaking out.

[noodles-and-tea]

twins in time continuation of that blue doodle comic thingy, but fidd is forced to take care of stan when Ford gets into the portal stuff, leaving him behind.

I reckon he teaches him math…