#but i imagine people might appreciate that during the hiatus so i will try to keep it a reasonable length

[libraryleopard]

trying to make a list of books i'd recommend to fans of amc iwtv but i've gotten a little lost in the sauce making my own personal reading list and it's getting out of hand at this point

[viviennevermillion]

to love, despite

notes: i know i said i'd go on hiatus but i think i might have underestimated the genshin brainrot and also the support of my readers so you have this now

word count: 2.7k

premise: when wanderer accompanies the traveler to inazuma, he didn't expect himself to fall in love, much less to get his heart broken and face his fourth betrayal. luckily, you're there to lift him up. maybe he wasn't meant to be alone after all....maybe he was just looking in the wrong places

contains: wanderer x gn!reader, wanderer goes through a breakup with unnamed npc, hurt/comfort, blossoming feelings

warnings: mentions of cheating, scara's insecurities

The sun was slowly setting, tinting the horizon in comforting and warm colors. But today, there was a hint of sadness to the end of this day and right now, to Wanderer at least, the hues of red and orange slowly turning to blues and blacks mirrored the way a time of happiness and joy was washed away with the tides of the ocean. The waves crashed against the bow of the ship as it swayed with the way of the water; staying in control of the captain despite the untamed strength of the sea. It was a comforting sound; as if the shores of his former homeland were speaking to him, telling him: “Don’t grieve what’s lost. This too will pass.”

A music box was playing a slow song behind him. He mused one of the sailors must have put it there because they liked the tune. He glanced at the small apparatus, letting out a bitter laugh when he saw the frail ballerina figurine on top of it. What cruel irony life threw his way over and over again.

He looked out onto the docks as the ship set sail; beginning its journey to Port Ormos. Back to the comfort of his new home, back to Nahida who’d sure have some wise words to try and soothe him. Words that would be ultimately met with silence as they wouldn’t reach his non-existent heart in light of the events that had transpired. He heard the sound of the seagulls above the beach and closed his eyes, listening to the workings of the water; imagining how it’d sway him gently to a place where nothing and no one could hurt him.

He never expected himself to fall in love. And especially not in the span of a couple of months. But the one he loved had been like a hurricane of flowers; filling his hair with beautiful cherry blossoms to distract him from the destructive storm that was on the horizon. His lover had been kind; at first. Kind and joyful. Like they’d wash away his sorrows as they danced among the crowd, dragging him into the masses and encouraging him to dance along. The flowery words and the colorful metaphors had blinded him to how shallow humanity was and always would be. How he’d have to expect disappointment before all else.

They had taken his hands into theirs and promised him they’d stay. That they never met anyone quite like him. He remembered the sound of their laughter as it filled the air of spring; a time that was meant for new beginnings. He really thought this was the start of something good. “You’re adorable”, they had chuckled before kissing his cheek and he had blushed, clutching the flowers they gave him in his hands. They had taken him to their favorite places on Narukami Island and he had followed with a smile on his face; pretending like he hadn’t seen them all before. Still, during those carefree days they had seemed much brighter than before. 

He remembered how he had sat with them under a big tree, watching the birds fly freely and the clouds pass by as if nothing ever mattered but what was there in the current moment. The one he loved had been like a gentle melody soothing the pain that still lingered in his mind and making him appreciate the peace and life around him. They had brought some goods they baked for him and told him they’re almost as sweet as him. They had told him they loved him. But sometimes people were  privy to love only for as long as their lover had an ideal of them in their head that they were unwilling to let go of. A fairytale dream that made the Wanderer recoil; knowing it was never truly him they loved. It was an idea of him that was shaped by their mind to fit the desires of their heart; something he’d probably never truly comprehend.

And then he told them what he was. It shouldn’t matter. “It won’t”, the Traveler and you had reassured him. So he took a fearful step towards the unknown. At first it really didn’t matter. Humans were desperate to hold onto their dreams of perfection, after all. Most would find that without their delusions; life would be hardly the happy place they’d convinced themselves of. His former lover had told him that no matter whether he was a puppet or a human; they’d still love him all the same. For he could love too, after all. But sometimes what one loves in others is not the person themselves but what they can provide for their lives. Enrichment, support, fun. And sometimes it was that and that only.

That was what he had realised when he caught them showing their affections to someone else. In that moment, it seemed as if their whole demeanor had shifted. The aura of innocence and gentleness had long since faded and he had come to realize that they were not a rare treasure that existed outside of all the things that had hurt him; they were entangled in that same net of human faults and selfishness as all the other obstacles he had faced throughout his life. As all of them ever would, he thought; his pessimism clouding his mind once more.

“I’m sorry!”, they had called out to him with tears in their eyes, “I was going to talk with you about this, but I didn’t know how!” What are you crying for?, he had wondered. As they went on and on about how they never wanted to break his heart but they didn’t fully understand what it would be like to date a puppet; what it lacked; he grew colder by the minute. What did he lack? Wasn’t this what Nahida and the Traveler had attempted to convince him of? That there was no reason to not call himself a human? That he could have the same experiences as one regardless; love the same and be loved in return. He had fallen in love; with courage and hope in his veins; but the lightning had struck him nonetheless. He remembered the words they’d told him before he left: “I really care about you. And I still treasure you as a friend. But I need someone who…”

They never finished that sentence but Wanderer knew exactly what they were going to say. Someone who is human. I get it. 

If the world was always going to reject his existence, maybe he should go back to rejecting the world in turn. Let the bitterness in his heart numb the pain. Let the anger wash away the sorrows and let the pride clouding his head blow down all that others had built in his life. You’re bigger than this now…, he reminded himself, knowing no anger or hatred would ever make his sorrow disappear. Only time and purpose and love could. 

“Hey”, you began quietly. He hadn’t even noticed you were there; standing next to him now and observing the waves, same as he did. After what had happened, he didn’t feel like spending another day in Inazuma. The Traveler still had some unfinished business here and Wanderer was ready to leave on his own when you had convinced him to follow him back to Sumeru. You never said it but he could see in your eyes how you believed he needed a shoulder to lean on right now. And if he was really, truly honest with himself….then maybe he did.

“I got you one of those little mocktails they sell next to the captain’s booth”, you handed him the drink that had been poured into an empty ajilenakh nut, “I made sure they didn’t put any dango in it.” He thanked you and drank a bit of it. It wasn’t as bad as he had expected it to, even though it was a little bit sweeter than what he’d normally drink. 

For a while, the two of you remained quiet. The constant sound of the ocean was enough to not make it awkward. “I’m sorry”, you then said quietly, “you didn’t deserve this to happen to you.” “I know”, he replied and closed his eyes, clutching his anemo vision for support over his chest where his heart should be, “but it keeps happening anyway.” 

At least for now he wasn’t completely alone. He had Nahida, the Traveler and you. Even Paimon. You were his friends. For how long will they remain your friends, though?, that bitter voice in his head spoke once more. But over the past year, he had grown more familiar and comfortable with you and he had listened to your stories about the life you led and the people you’ve met throughout it. It had made him realize that while his feelings of estrangement as a puppet were unique ones; ones no one in this world might as well fully be able to comprehend; there were many humans out there who had struggled with loneliness and abandonment and it had left them as scarred as he had been. 

“Such is the way of mankind”, you insisted, holding your hand out into the wind as if you could touch it. Little did he know you had grown to love the wind a little more ever since he received his vision, because it reminded you of him. He didn’t know that you had fallen for him long since, watching him fall in love with another and drift further away from you. And now he was hurting because of it. And in a way, that made you even more sad but just as determined to ease his mind and soothe the pain in his heart; one which may not be inside him but which you were nonetheless sure he had. 

“Some of us seem to find our place in this world as easily as it is to breathe”, you began, looking at him with a gentle expression, “but I’ve found many of those never reach true happiness. They just settle. But for a lot of us that’s never enough. We get swept away by the waves of conflict and abandonment; relentlessly clawing our way up the next cliff and hoping that this time no one will push us off.” He didn’t dare look at you for a while when you placed your hand on top of his but he had to admit he found comfort in the subtle touch. Maybe he was just clinging onto a hint of affection after having been abandoned; desperate to feel cared for; but in this moment that didn’t matter to him.

“Isn’t that a little pathetic?”, he mocked your words with a bitter voice. “It is, truly”, you nodded your head, “we err for as long as we live. But it’s the only way we ever reach our happiness. It’s in our nature to, even in the face of all obstacles, have at least a little bit of hope in us. We all do. Even the ones who claim to have none. And one day that hope may be rewarded. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It can happen to you. I think that’s worth being a little bit pathetic for.” You chuckled and he thought about your words.

“They looked so happy”, he then said after a while, remembering when he had met his former lover once again with their new partner as they were taking a stroll near the port. He remembered how he’d heard them giggle and tease each other. How they’d referred to jokes he didn’t understand and call each other nicknames that made him cringe. The familiar feeling of shock and disbelief was spreading in his body again and he looked at his shaking fingers. “Do you think they’re happier without me?”, he asked quietly.

“Probably”, you shrugged calmly and he let out a laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Hadn’t you come here in a silly attempt to cheer him up?

“But what matters is not the people we have our best times with, but the ones who stay with us through our worst. Because then we know that when we share happiness with them; one day we’ll be able to look back at those memories and feel satisfied. What’s the point of having the most fun of your life, if who you shared it with will be gone in a year or two because they moved on to the next thrill? What will be left of it but emptiness? What’s the point, but to learn what’s truly of value in this life?”, you gave him an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand, “I know you would have given them all that and been there for them when they needed it most. If they weren’t able to see that, that’s their loss.”

The Wanderer noticed how the Inazuman islands had now disappeared completely from view and he felt a breeze of wind blow through his hair as his tears poured down his cheeks and his facade of bitterness cracked as he allowed himself to say the words that had been stuck on his tongue for all this time. “I’m hardly a loss”, he croaked out with a shaky voice before he started sobbing.

You remained silent, instantly pulling him into your embrace and letting him cry into your shoulder. He clutched the fabric on your back with his fists as you put a hand on the back of his head and gently ran it through his soft hair. 

“That’s not true”, you whispered, not wanting to overwhelm him with new information but also wishing he knew just how much he meant to you. That you wanted to stay by his side and love him the way he deserved, come what may. For now, you chose to try and convey that with your loving embrace, holding him for as long as he needed you to. 

“You’re a wonderful person and I’m glad to be your friend”, you whispered, tightening your hold on him, “you have as much the potential as anyone to make someone else happy and to be happy yourself. It may be hard to believe right now, but I promise you, you just have to hold on a little bit longer.” Many had told him that. But there was a sincerity in your voice and in the way you hugged him that he couldn't help but feel like there was more to it than just empty promises. Were you perhaps talking about yourself? 

What a silly thought, he brushed it off but it still gave him that familiar spark of hope. When he had been abandoned once again, he asked himself if anyone would ever truly love him. And maybe, the answer to that question would be you. Right now, he could hardly say you’d be in love with each other one day. But there was something. Like a sprout growing in the harshest desert. And something inside him couldn’t wait to see what it would become if he only had a little courage.

So he hugged you back gently, resting his head on your shoulder and smiling for the first time in days. This didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Are you feeling a little better?”, you wrapped an arm around his shoulder as you watched the sun set and stars appear in the sky. “Yeah”, he admitted, switching sides on the ship and looking in the direction of Sumeru, “and maybe I can afford to be a little pathetic.” “Oh trust me, you already did that”, you teased him and winked at him, “remember that time you called yourself the ‘Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom’? That was pretty embarrassing.” He cringed at your words but it brought out a laugh through the tears. “Don’t remind me.”

You looked peacefully at the horizon, taking his hand in yours again to indicate you’d stay here to support him. “Relentlessness is one of the most defining traits of humanity”, you said with a gentle smile, “to persevere even in the face of adversity. To thrive in even the harshest environments and succeed despite the failures of the past and against the expectations of others. To suffer and lose, and to love, despite.”

notes: i listened to the sad fairy tail ost while writing this sbdbsndjsjdjs. i've had this idea for a while but the motivation to write it just hit me over the head today. hope you liked it. ❤️

[kimmiessimmies]

Just a ramble about aesthetics and things

Like most of us, I also saw that aesthetics question going round and since reading it and the responses to it, I've been thinking about it more than I should, which in turn got me thinking about other things Simblr and community related and I decided to share my two cents about it as well.

The question stated in the poll was "How important do you think 'aesthetic quality' is in the simblr community?" and the answers varied immensely. Doing a quick Tumblr/Simblr scroll, the answer would have to be 'very important', because most images showing up are very gorgeous: beautiful colours, great compositions, perfect lighting. However, when I check the tab that shows which posts I have liked, the pattern changes: it's the storytellers who get most of my Tumblr hearts. And then it doesn't matter whether it's part of an elaborate story that's been going on for years with several plot twists, or just a family having breakfast. I like both equally, because both tell a story. Sure, I like a nice Sim picture as much as the next person, but for me, it will always be about the story it tells much more than the aesthetics of it.

The same is true for my own posts: I just want to tell my stories, share my Sims, my town. Yes, I sometimes post picture posts of lots I've built. At first glance, you could say that's about aesthetics more than storytelling. But it's not. Because of the way I play, everything is connected: the story is Honeycomb Valley and everything from the lots to the Sims to the seemingly random things that happen to them are all part of it. Sure, I love creating beautiful lots, but that's mostly because I like realism in my game. I like to see my sims in places that look true to life. And because this is a self-created world, it can look like the best version of that life. ���

In taking pictures, I try to get the best angle and before posting I run my pictures through Picmonkey to do a bit of basic editing, which is mostly just an auto adjust of brightness and shadows. Literally two clicks and I'm done. I hadn't even heard of Reshade and all those other -shades until a month or two ago. 😄

I read another reply saying how everyone who has a Simblr does so for the notes, because if you're not in it for the notes, why have a Simblr in the first place? This made me laugh. I get the point, but if I was in it for the notes, I might as well leave today. I averaged around 20 notes per post during my glory days and only around 9 since returning after my hiatus. I can think of many reasons why this is:

My posts can seem very incoherent: I can be posting about James Wyler one day and about Luke Bennett the next. These two have never even crossed paths and their stories have no apparent connection whatsoever. I can imagine how this makes my stories and my Sims hard to follow for most.

I don’t post my full stories on here. Reading them requires a visit to my WordPress blog. I understand how most people just want to do a quick scroll, read, like, and move on.

I am and will forever be TS3 player. And we're simply a smaller crowd in the Simblr universe currently.

I was gone for five years.

Now, I could change all of this (except for that last one) and possibly get more followers and more notes. But I don't want to. Yes, of course, I love getting a notification saying someone liked my post. I appreciate the support and the love and it makes me very happy to see there are people out there who like the stories I write, the lots I build and feel connected to my Sims to some degree. So in that sense, I get why someone would say we're all in it for the notes. But I don't care about the quantity. I love those 9 just as much as I love the 195 I once received on my much-reblogged post of The Greenery.

So, I'm not changing a thing. I'm keeping my WordPress blog as my main Sims home because that's where everything connects. Where it does make sense that I'm posting about James on day 1 and about Luke on day 2. Where the story is Honeycomb Valley. Where you can click from a story to a Sim profile and vice versa. And my Simblr will remain a place to just post bits and pieces (and rambles like this) and to stay connected to the ones who are interested in me, my stories and my Sims. I love my 9 notes and I love the 3 people who click on to visit my WordPress blog and read my full stories a little bit extra. 😉❤️

One last thing I would like to add to this already much too-long rant is how much I miss the old Sim community. The days of the forums and the tight-knit online group us Sims veterans were. Discovering and becoming a part of the Sim community back then has meant a lot to me. I miss that. I realise I sound like a grandmother now, reminiscing about the good old days, so maybe it's time to end this post. 😄

Anyway, that's my ramble of thoughts on aesthetics, Simblrs and community. Thanks for reading. 😊

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 6

Hi , do you got any fluffy johnlock with cuddling

(submitted by here-4-tha-ship)

Anonymous asked: hiii got any johnlock fics where sherlock wants a hug but he feels embarrassed to ask john? thank you sm <3

—–

Hi Lovelies!! I sure do! And enough to do a new list too!! So thank you, people don’t ask for this enough these days hahhah! Hope you enjoy!!

See also:

Hugs & Cuddles and Tooth-Rotting Fluff (Pt. 2)

Hugs & Cuddles Pt. 2 /…/

…/ Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 3 /…

Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 4 

Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 5

A Better Fate Than Wisdom by flawedamythyst (G, 1,339 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, John’s Sexuality Crisis, Pining Sherlock, Happy Ending, Fluff) – Nearly four hours pass between their first kiss and their second.

Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4,  5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

Date Night by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 4,451 w., 1 Ch. || Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Caring John, Schmoopy Fluff, Fidget Cube, Baking / Cooking, Date Night, Established Relationship, POV Sherlock Holmes, Understanding John, Grumpy Sherlock, John’s Bum, Kisses, Hugs, Domestic Fluff, Touching, Hair Petting, Light Humour) – It's John and Sherlock's first Date Night as an official couple and Sherlock needs it to be PERFECT. Mrs Hudson helps. Part 7 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

holding steady by darcylindbergh (E, 12,724 w., 4 Ch. || Post S4, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Growing Old, Gone Fishing, Mood without Plot, Soft Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, POV John Third Person, Anxious Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Feeling Old, Sherlock Worship, Crying Sherlock, Cuddles, Comforting, Introspection, Retirement, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Caring John, Bed Sharing, Emotional Love Making) – Sitting on a thick wool blanket at the end of a rickety dock side-by-side, legs dangling over the edge, a styrofoam container of wet, dark dirt between them, they’re fishing. John knows what this is about. This is about finally figuring it out.

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

The shape of the world around us by Salambo06 (E, 15,058 w., 5 Ch. || Lumberjack John / Botanist Sherlock, Different First Meeting, John Has a Beard, Light Case Fic, Flirting, First Kiss / Time, Masturbation, Love at First Sight, Horny Sherlock, John’s Bum, Bottomlock, Tenderness, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Shy Sherlock, Sexual Fantasies) – Looking through the bush, Sherlock felt his heartbeat quicken as a man passed in front of him. Sherlock frowned, trying to get a closer look despite the bush. The man was wearing a red plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, and Sherlock couldn't take his eyes off the man’s arms. Muscular, slightly tanned with golden hairs along his forearms. For some unknown reason, Sherlock found himself imagining them around his waist, holding him tightly. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, Sherlock shook his head. Opening his eyes and looking back to where the man stood only a moment prior, he found himself alone. Great, now his only chance to find his way back to town was gone. “Why are you wearing a suit?”

A Hooligans’ Game Played By Gentlemen by scullyseviltwin (E, 15,213 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Rugby as Foreplay, Porn with Lots of Plot, John POV, Ogling, Body Appreciation, Cranky Sherlock, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Cuddling, Touching, Heavy Petting, Blow Job, Botttomlock) – In which John wants to get back in shape, does so, joins a rugby league and has sex with Sherlock Holmes. In that order.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Deck the Halls by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 31,018 w., 24 Ch. || Advent Fic / Multiple One-Shots, Assorted Tags) – One Johnlock ficlet for every day leading up to Christmas. Who is ready for pining, first kisses, established Johnlock, and everything in between? This collection of stand-alone ficlets will have it all.

Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION || Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John ��� in more ways than one.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Dark”

Welcome back, everyone! Can you believe it's been six weeks already? I can't. Something something the uncomfortable passage of time during a pandemic as emphasized by a web-series.

But we're here to talk about RWBY the fictional story, not RWBY the cultural icon. At least, we will in a moment. First, I'd like to acknowledge that shaky line between the two, growing blurrier with every volume. A sort of good news, bad news situation.

The bad news — to get that out of the way — is that we cannot easily separate RWBY from its authors and those authors have, sadly, been drawing a lot of negative attention as of late. This isn't anything new, not at all, but I think the unexpectedly long hiatus gave a lot of fans (myself included) the chance to think about Rooster Teeth's failings without getting distracted by their biggest and brightest production. There's a laundry list of problems here — everything from the behavior of voice actors to the quality of their merch — but as a sort of summary issue, I'd like to highlight the reviews that continue to pop up on websites like Glassdoor, detailing the toxic, sexist, crunch-obsessed environment that RT employees are forced to work in. A lot of these websites requires a login to read more than a page of reviews, but you can check out a Twitter thread about it here. 

Now, I want to be clear: I'm not bringing this up as a way to shame anyone enjoying RWBY. This isn't a simplistic claim of, "The authors are Problematic™ and therefore you can't like the stuff they produce." Nor is this meant to be a catch-all excuse for RWBY's problems. If it were, I'd have dropped these recaps years ago. I'm of the belief that audiences maintain the right to both praise and criticize the work they're given, regardless of the context in which that work was produced. At the end of the day, RT has presented RWBY as a finished product and, more than that, presents it as an excellent product, one worth both our emotional investment and our money (whether in the form of paying for a First account, or encouraging us to buy merch, attend cons, etc.) I'll continue to critique RWBY as needed, but I a) wanted fans to be at least peripherally aware of these issues and b) clarify that my use of "RT" in statements like, "I can't believe RT is screwing up this badly" is meant to be a broad, nebulas acknowledgement that someone in the company is screwing up, either creatively (doesn't have the skill to write a good scene) or morally (hasn't created an environment in which other creators are capable of crafting a good scene). The real, inner workings of such companies are mostly a secret to their audiences and thus it's near impossible for someone like me — random fan writing these for fun as a casual side hobby — to accurately point fingers. Hence, broad "RT." I just wanted to clarify that when I use this it's as a necessary placeholder for whoever is actually responsible, not a damnation of the overworked animator breaking down in a bathroom. Heavy stuff, but I thought it was necessary (or at least worthwhile) to acknowledge this issue as we head into the second half of the volume.

Now for the good news: RWBY has reached 100 episodes! For any who may not know, 100 is a pretty significant number in the TV world because, when talking about prime time programming, it guarantees syndicated reruns. Basically, networks don't want audiences to get burned out with a show — changing the channel when it comes on because ugh, I've seen this already, recently too — and 100 episodes allows for a roughly five month run without any repeats, making it very profitable. RWBY is obviously not a television show and doesn't benefit from any of this (hell, modern television doesn't benefit from this as much as it used to, not in the age of streaming), but the 100 episode threshold is still ingrained in American culture. Beyond just being a nice, rounded number, it is historically a measure of huge success and I can't imagine that RT isn't aware of that. Regardless of what we think of RWBY's current quality, this is one hell of a milestone and should be applauded.

All that being said... RWBY's quality is definitely still lacking lol.

Our 100th episode is titled "Dark" — keeping with the one word titles, then — and I'd like to emphasize that, as a 100th episode, it definitely delivers in terms of plot. There's plenty of action, important character beats, and at least one major reveal, everything we'd expect from a milestone and a Part II premiere. The animation also continues to be noteworthy for its beauty, as I found myself admiring many of the screenshots I took for this recap. There are certainly things to praise. The only problem (one we're all familiar with by now) is that these small successes are situated within a narrative that's otherwise falling apart. It's all good stuff... provided you ignore literally everything else surrounding it.

But let's dive into some examples. We open on Qrow starting, awoken by the thunder outside. Robyn has been watching him and makes a peppy comment about how none of them will be sleeping tonight, followed by a more serious, "Sounds bad out there." Yeah, it does sound bad, especially when they all know — thanks to Ruby's message back in Volume 7 — that this is due to Salem's arrival. I think a lot of the fandom has forgotten that little detail because people often discuss Qrow as if he is entirely ignorant of what is going on outside his cell. Even if we were to assume that he's forgotten all about the pesky Salem issue (the horror of Clover's death overriding everything else, perhaps) he still knows that Tyrian is running loose in a heat-less city with a creepy storm going on and, from his perspective, the Very Evil Ironwood is still running the show. So it's bad, which begs the question of why Qrow (and Robyn, for that matter) hasn't displayed an ounce of legitimate worry for everyone he knows out there. Thus far, their interactions have centered entirely around Qrow's misplaced blame and Robyn's terrible attempts to lighten the mood, despite the fact that a war is raging right beyond that wall. It's another example of RWBY's inability to manage tone properly, to say nothing of balancing the multiple concerns any one character should be trying to juggle. Just as it rankles that Ruby and Yang don't seem to care about what has happened to their uncle, Qrow likewise doesn't seem to care about what might be happening to his nieces. When did we reach a point where these relationships are so broken that someone can be arrested/chucked into a deadly battle and the others just... ignore that?

So Robyn's otherwise innocuous comment immediately reminds me of how badly the narrative has treated these conflicts and, sadly, things don't improve much from here. We are thankfully spared more of Robyn's jokes when Qrow realizes that what he's hearing can't be thunder. A second later, Cinder blasts through the wall — called it! — and Qrow instinctively transforms. 

The only downside to this moment is that the whole ceiling falls down on Qrow and the others because APPARENTLY these cells don't have tops on them. Seriously. As far as I can recall we don't see the stone breaking through the forcefield somehow and this looks pretty open to me.

If it is... you're telling me these crazy powerful fighters who practice landing strategies and leap tall buildings in a single bound —

— can't just hop over this mildly high electric fence to get out? Qrow can't just fly away?

We're, like, two minutes in, folks.

We transfer to Nora's perspective as she wakes up, seeing Klein giving her the IV. He tells her not to worry, that "you and your friend are going to be just fine." What friend? Penny? Klein went upstairs prior to Weiss hugging Whitley or Penny crash landing outside. I had thought them bursting through the door with another unconscious friend was the first time he learned what the big bang outside was, but apparently not.

Penny is, obviously, a mess. While I now understand the choice to make her blood such an eye-catching color when that's crucial to the Hound's hunt, I still think it looks strange visually. Like someone has taken a copy of RWBY and painted over it. It doesn't look like it fits the art style. More than that, it implies some rather complicated things about Penny's humanity, especially in a volume focused around her being a "real girl." Real enough for Maiden powers, but with obviously inhuman blood that isn't even referred to as "bleeding." Penny "leaks" instead.

Toss in the fact that she's literally an android who is made up of tech — recall the running gags about her being heavy, or it hurts to fist-bump her, to say nothing of keeping things like multiple blades inside her body — yet Klein says that her "basic anatomy" is the same and he can "stitch up that wound."

I'm sorry, what? Whatever Penny looks like on the inside, it's not going to resemble a human woman's anatomy, and Klein might be able to stitch the outer layer of skin she's got, but that won't do anything to fix whatever metal bits have been broken underneath. Penny isn't a human-robot hybrid, she's a robot with an aura. Penny has knives in her back, rockets in her feet, and a super computer behind her eyes. When our clip introduced that Klein would be the one to help Penny, my initial reaction was, "Seriously? He's a butler and a doctor and an engineer?" But RWBY didn't even try to get away with a Super Klein explanation, they just waved away Penny's very obvious, inhuman anatomy. Yeah, I'm sure "stitching up" an android wound is just like giving Nora her IV. I hope the surgical sutures he used are extra strong!

In an effort to not entirely drag this episode, I do appreciate that Whitley is allowed an "ugh" moment about the non-blood covering his shirt without anyone calling him out on it. That felt like the sort of thing the show would usually try to make a character feel guilty about and I'm glad that, for once, he was just allowed to be frustrated without comment.

Then the power goes out and May calls, which raises questions about what state the CCTS is in and when scrolls are available to our protagonists vs. when they're not. But whatever. She's checking in because she just "saw another bombing run light up the Kingdom" and —

Wait. Bombing? Salem is bombing the city? I know we've seen explosions in the sky, but I'd always just attributed that to evil aesthetic. Why does this dialogue sound like it's from a World War II film and not a fantasy sci-fi show about literal monsters launching a ground attack?

May looks pretty against the sky though. I like her hair color against that purple.

I'm admittedly grasping at positives here because we finally return to her "You have to choose" ultimatum and — surprise! — May has pulled back completely. Ruby says that once they've helped Penny, "We'll...we'll do something!" which is once again her avoiding making a decision. Ruby still refuses to choose, instead falling back on generic, optimistic pep talks. They'll figure out how to stop Salem later. They'll think about the impact of telling the world later. They'll choose who to help later. Ruby keeps pushing these problems into the future where, she hopes, a perfect, magical solution will have appeared for her to latch onto. When that continues to not happen, others pressuring her to actually do something and stop waiting for perfection — Ironwood, Yang, May — she panics and continues stalling for time. Wait an episode and the narrative supports her in this.

Because initially May was forcing Ruby to decide. Now, May enables her desire to keep putting things off. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. At this point, I don't know how much is left to be done." That's the exact opposite of what May believed last episode, that there was still so much work and good to do for the people of Mantle. This is precisely what the show did with Yang and Ren's scenes too, having people call Ruby out... but then return to a message of, 'Don't worry, you're actually doing just fine' before Ruby is forced to actually change.

None of which even touches on May calling her "kid" in this moment. That continues to be a convenient way of absolving Ruby of any responsibility. When she wants to steal airships or Amity Tower, she's an adult everyone should listen to, the leader of this war. When the story wants to absolve her of previously mentioned flaws, she becomes a kid who shouldn't "beat herself up." I said years ago that RWBY couldn't continue to let the group be both children and adults simultaneously, yet here we are.

So that was a thoroughly disappointing scene. Ruby gets her moment to look sad and defeated, listing "the grimm, the crater, Nora, Penny" as problems she doesn't know how to solve. Note that 'Immortal witch attacking the city I've helped trap here' isn't included in that list. Ruby is still ignoring Salem herself and no one in the group is picking up where May left off, challenging her to do more than wring her hands over things others are already trying to take care of: Ironwood is fighting the grimm, May has gone off to help the crater, Klein is patching up Nora and Penny. Ruby, as one flawed individual, should not be expected to come up with a solution to everything, but she does need to stop acting like she can come up with a solution to everything when it matters most (office scene) and rejecting others' solutions when they ask for her help (Ironwood, May).

If it feels like I'm dragging the flawed, traumatized teenager too much, it's not in an effort to ignore those aspects of her identity. Rather, it's because she's also the licensed huntress who wrested control from a world leader and violently demanded she be put in charge of this battle. Ruby, by her own actions, is now responsible for dealing with these problems, or admitting she was wrong and letting others take the lead, without purposefully derailing their plans. She doesn't get to suddenly go, "I don't know," cry a little, and get sympathetic pats.

But of course that's precisely what happens, courtesy of Weiss.

During this whole scene I kept wondering why no one was celebrating Nora waking up, especially when Ruby outright mentions her. Have they just not noticed given all the Penny drama? Because Nora absolutely woke up.

Aaaand went back to sleep, I guess. What was the point of that POV shot? No worries though, she'll wake up again in a minute.

Willow arrives and announces that they can fix the power (and Penny) using the generator at the edge of the property. I'm convinced RT doesn't actually know what a generator is because the characters are acting like it's some super special device that only richy-rich could possibly have. Whitley says that it's the SDC executives who have their "own power supply" and that it's "extremely unfair." Now, don't get me wrong, a good generator powering large portions of your house can run you 30k+, but you can also get one that plugs into your extension cord and powers your fridge for a couple hundred. There's absolutely a class issue here, just not the one Whitley and Weiss seem to be commenting on. They make a generator sound like the sort of device that only a politician-CEO could possible have and it's weird.

Likely, it sounds weird because it's a choppy way of getting Whitley to bring up the wealth disparity so he can then go, 'That's right! We're crazy rich with a company housing tons of ships! We can use those to evacuate Mantle.' Awkwardness aside, I do like that the Schnee wealth is being used for good purposes, but... evacuate where? To the city currently under attack by a giant whale? In a RWBY that wasn't determined to demonize Ironwood, this would have been a great plot point during the office scene instead, with Weiss offering her services to Ironwood, even if the group decides that a continued evacuation still isn't possible.

Instead, we get it here from Whitley. Do I need to point out the obvious? That Whitley is the MVP of this episode? He's done more good in an HOUR than the group has managed in a year. Give this kid some training and make him a huntsmen instead.

We're given a (very pretty!) shot of the shattered moon because it wouldn't be RWBY if we weren't continually reminded that gods once wiped out humanity before destroying part of a celestial body... and absolutely no one talks about that lol.

Blake's coat might not make any sense for her color scheme, but it does make her easy to spot as she and Ruby run across the grounds. Oh my god, they're actually doing something together! It only took eight years. They even get a lovely talk where Blake admits how much she looks up to Ruby, despite her being younger, and once again I'm struck at how much more I would have loved this scene if it had appeared elsewhere in the series. It is, indeed, as sweet and emotional as all the RWBY GIF-ers are claiming... provided you overlook that this is the exact opposite of what Ruby needs to hear right now. She doesn't need to hear that she's more mature and reliable than her elders when she's functioning under a "We don't need adults" mentality. She doesn't need to hear that not knowing what to do is totally fine, not when that led to her turning on Ironwood, despite not knowing how to stop Salem. She doesn't need to hear that "doing something" — doing anything — is a strength, because Ruby keeps avoiding the big problems for smaller ones she's comfortable with, like standing by Penny's bedside instead of deciding between Mantle and Atlas. Blake's speech is heartfelt, but it's a speech that suits a Beacon days Ruby who is having some doubts about her leadership skills, not the girl whose impulsive — and now lack of — actions is having world-wide repercussions. Everyone is babying Ruby to a staggering degree. It's like if we had a med show where the doctor is standing by the bedside of a coding patient, fretting between two treatments. 'Don't worry,' their colleague says, patting their shoulder. 'I've always looked up to you. You'll do something when you're ready' and then they continue to watch the patient, you know, die.

Also: who does Ruby look up to? Everyone talks about how much they depend on and trust Ruby, but who does Ruby look to for guidance? A number of her problems stem from the fact that she has rejected the advice of everyone who has tried to help her improve: Qrow, Ozpin, Ironwood, even Yang. Ruby is presented as the pinnacle of what to strive for in a leader, rather than a leader who has only been doing this for two years and still has a great deal to learn.

Anyway, they get the generator on and the Hound shows up.

I am begging RT to just make RWBY a horror story. All their best scenes the last three years have been horror I am bEGGING —

Anyway, while Ruby waits to be eaten we cut to Willow and Klein, the former of which is reaching for her bottle, pulling back, reaching again, all while her hand shakes. This is good. This is what we should have gotten with Qrow. Which isn't to say that their (or anyone's) addiction should be identical, but rather that this is a far more engaging and complex look at addiction than what our birb got. Willow tells us that she doesn't drink in the dark despite bringing the bottle with her; tries to resist drinking when she's scared and ultimately fails. Qrow just decided to stop drinking after decades of addiction, seemingly for no reason, and that was that. Why is a side character we only met this volume written better than one of the main cast?

Blake manages to call Weiss about the Hound and she asks if Whitley can handle the airships without her. I mean, I assume so given that Weiss is looking at the bookshelves while Whitley does all the work lol. He makes a teasing comment about how he can if she can handle that grimm and she comments that they still need to work on his "attitude."

No they don't. Weiss stuck a weapon in her kid brother's face. Whitley made a joke. Even if Weiss' comment is likewise meant to be read as teasing, it's clear that we've bypassed any meaningful conversation between them. That hug was supposed to be a Fix Everything moment even though, as I've laid out elsewhere, it didn't even come close.

We cut back to Ruby getting thrown through a wall into the backyard and the Hound creepily coming after her. She's freaked out by this clearly abnormal grimm and Blake is weirdly... not? "It's just a grimm. Just focus!" Uh, it's obviously not. Have we reached the traumatized, sleep-deprived point where the group is sinking into full-blown denial? I wouldn't be surprised. They've been awake for like... 40+ hours.

Because the Hound knocks Ruby out with a single hit. Just, bam, she's down. "Focusing" is not the solution here.

Weiss calls to warn the others about the grimm, telling them to stick together. Willow (understandably) starts freaking out and flees the room (classic horror trope!). Klein is left alone when Penny wakes up with red eyes. Oh no!

Don't worry. You know nothing meaningful happens.

She shoves Klein before (somehow?) resisting the hack, her Maiden powers going wild in the process. Just when it looks as if Penny might cause some serious damage, Nora wakes up, takes her hand, and says, I kid you not:

"Hey... no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do... It's just a part of you. Don't forget about the rest."

Okay. I want to re-emphasize that I love hopeful, uplifting, victory-won-through-the-power-of-love stories. Istg I'm not dead inside, it's just that RWBY does this so badly. I mean, what is this? It has similarities to the character shouting, 'No! Resist!' to their mind-controlled ally, but this is not presented as a desperate, last-ditch effort by Nora. She just speaks like this is the most obvious truth in the world. If you don't want to have your mind taken over... just don't! It's that simple. The problem definitely isn't that Watts has changed her coding and has implemented a command she can't override, it's that Penny has forgotten about the "rest" of her personhood.

And this works. Granted, not for long, but we leave Nora having successfully calmed Penny down and until her eyes unexpectedly go red again scenes later, we're left assuming that this is a permanent solution. That, imo anyway, is taking the Power of Love too far, overriding the basic reality of Penny being hacked. It’s not a personal failing she must overcome, it’s an external attack. I would have rather had Nora react to the scars she saw on her arm, or have a moment with Klein, or get some love from the group. Not a wakes up, falls asleep, wakes up again to save Penny with a Ruby level 'Just ignore reality' pep-talk, then back to sleep again.

So Penny isn't attacking her allies, or mistakenly hurting her allies with wild Maiden powers. Not that the group doesn't have enough to deal with, but still. Weiss arrives to help with the Hound and attempts a new summon, only to fail when two minor grimm burrow up into her glyphs. I really enjoyed that moment, both for the wing visual and the knowledge that Weiss' glyphs can fail if you break them somehow (which makes sense). Also, I just like that she failed in general? Weiss is, as per usual now, about to demonstrate just how OP she is compared to the rest of the team, so it was nice to see her faltering here.

The Hound tries to make off with Ruby and Blake does an excellent job of keeping it tethered. Ruby finally wakes, only to realize that the grimm is actually after Penny since it's staring at her power up through the window, no longer trying to escape. Moments like this remind me that there's someone on RT's writing team that knows what they're doing, at least some of the time. The assumption that the Hound is after Ruby as a SEW, the surprise that it's actually Penny, realizing it holds up because Ruby is covered in Penny's blood and Blake is not... that's all nice, tight plotting. More of that please!

The Hound drops her and Ruby's aura shatters when she hits the ground. I want everyone to remember this moment as an example of how strong the Hound is. The group may be tired, but unlike YJR they've been sitting around in the Schnee manor for a number of hours, regaining strength. We saw the Hound hit Ruby twice — once through the wall and once to knock her out — and then she falls from a not very high distance for a huntress, yet her aura is toast. That's the level of power and skill the Hound possesses. Decimating YJR, knocking Oscar out, same for Ruby, avoiding Blake and Weiss' hits, soon to treat Penny like a ragdoll. Just remember all this for the episode's end.

Blake tells Weiss she'll take care of Ruby, you go help the others. Yay breaking up the duos more! Bad timing though as the new acid-spitting grimm pops out of the ground and Blake is now left alone to face it.

Weiss re-enters the mansion, knowing the Hound is somewhere nearby, but not where. Suddenly, Willow's voice sounds through her scroll with an, "Above you!" which... doesn't keep Weiss from getting hit lol. But it's the thought that counts! Willow has accessed the cameras she's set up throughout the manor, watching the Hound's movements, and I have to say, that is a WAY better use of her separation from Klein than I thought we were getting. I legit thought they'd have Willow run away in a panic, meet the Hound, die, and then Weiss could be sad about losing her mom.

It does say something about RWBY's writing that this was my knee-jerk theory, as well as my surprise when we got something way better.

The Hound runs off, uninterested in Weiss, and she asks Willow to keep tabs on it. It heads for Whitley next (also covered in Penny's blood) and very creepily stalks him in the office with a, "I know you're here." Whitley is seconds away from being Hound chow before one of Weiss' boars pin it against the wall. He runs, then runs BACK to finish deploying the airships, before finally escaping assumed death. Goddamn this boy is pulling his weight.

I assume all these ships are automated then? I hope someone takes a moment to call May. Otherwise it's going to be super weird for the Mantle citizens if a fleet of SDC ships just show up and hover there...

I don't entirely understand how Weiss saved him though. She's nowhere to be seen when Whitley leaves and he runs a fair distance before he and Willow encounter Weiss again. We know her summons don't have to keep right next to her, but are they capable of rudimentary thought, attacking an enemy — and an enemy only — despite Weiss being a couple corridors down and unable to see the current battlefield? I don't know. In another series I'd theorize that this was a deliberate hint, a way to clue us into the fact that Willow, someone who we currently know almost nothing about, had training in the past and summoned the boar herself. Weiss and Winter certainly didn't get that hereditary skill from Jacques. Hell, we might still get that, Weiss reacting with confusion next episode when Whitley thanks her for the boar, but I doubt it. That scene with Ruby and the Hound aside, the show isn't this good at laying groundwork and then following up on it.

Case in point: Weiss says, "I didn't forget you" to Whitley after he gets away from the Hound, the moment trying to harken back to her promise to Willow. Key word is "trying." Because she absolutely forgot him! Weiss threatened and ignored Whitley until he proved his usefulness. I also shouldn't need to point out that, "Don't forget your brother" does not mean, "Don't let your brother die a horrible death by abnormal grimm." Weiss acts like her saving him is a fulfillment of her promise, rather than just the most basic of human decency. And also, you know, her job.

So that part is frustrating. The entire Schnee dynamic is a mess, from Weiss making a joke of her father's arrest, to Willow (presumably) fixing their relationship by putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Okay.

Then Weiss cuts off the Hound by summoning a giant wall of ice. My brain, every time this happens:

YOU COULD HAVE FIXED THE HOLE IN MANTLE'S WALL.

Moving on, Blake's fight against the acid... thing has some great choreography, including Blake using her semblance which we haven't seen in AGES. 

I really like the fight itself, just not what Blake is shouting the whole time. "I need you, Ruby! We all need you!" This has really gotten ridiculous. Ruby is presented as everyone's sole savior despite failing time and time again. It's not that I don't think Blake as a character should have faith in her leader, it's that I don't think the writers should be crafting a story where everyone puts their unshakable hopes in an untrained, disloyal, impulsive 17 year old. I mean, Ruby is currently unconscious, yet Blake is acting like if she doesn't wake up — she, as an individual, if Ruby Rose does not re-join this fight — then all is lost. If Ruby doesn't save them, no one can. Which is, of course, absurd on numerous levels. Blake doesn't need the passed out, aura-less Ruby right now, she needs the still very healthy Weiss pulling out multiple summons and an ice wall! Use your scroll and call for backup again.

But of course, Ruby wakes up and kills the new, terrifying grimm with a single hit. It's a preview of what's to come with the Hound and it's just as ridiculous here as it will be there.

Speaking of the Hound, am I the only one who thought this was... cute?

I can't possibly be the only one. That head-tilt is exactly what my dogs do and my brain instinctively went, "Aww, puppy!"

Murderous puppy.

The Hound realizes none of the Schnees are who it's looking for and runs off. Penny, meanwhile, has been fully taken over because, well, that's just what's convenient now. She resists long enough keep Amity up, then succumbs, then resists to apologize to Ruby, then succumbs, then resists because Nora asked her to, then succumbs once it's time to knock her out. If RWBY was willing to commit to consequences, Penny would have been taken over and that was that. The characters would need to deal with whatever outcome happens as a result. Instead, the show very carefully avoids any of those pesky consequences by having Penny successfully resisting at key moments, despite no explanation of how she's managing that.

She shoves Klein again (Klein is having a Bad Time) and starts walking down the main steps. When Whitley wants to know where the hell she's going, Penny mechanically responds that she must "Open the vault, then self-destruct." I suppose the change Watts made was the self-destruct order? Ironwood obviously wants the vault open, though not necessarily Penny's death. Think what you will of his moral compass, she's a damn powerful ally — a research project, perhaps — and a Maiden to boot. At the very least, her death may give the powers to someone even worse.

God, please don't let them have brought Penny back and made her a Maiden just to kill her again.

The Hound arrives though and, as said, knocks Penny out. We're back to square one with her, then. Note though that this attack is near instantaneous. She grabs its hands one second, is hanging limply the next. Wow, the Hound sure is a terrifying antagonist!

Not for long.

"That's enough," Ruby says and one-shots it with her eyes.

Now, I want to talk for a moment about the implications of that line. "That's enough." Obviously Ruby is #done with this situation and emotionally unwilling to let the Hound kidnap Penny (congratulations, Nuts and Dolts shippers), but there's a meta reading here as well. Not intentional, but glaring to me nonetheless. Basically, the idea that the Hound has, from a plot perspective, done enough. It has served its singular purpose. It kidnapped Oscar and now it dies. Never-mind how insanely powerful we've established the Hound to be, never-mind how Ruby's eyes also work or don't work according to whether anything of actual import is on the line. From a plot perspective "that's enough" and the Hound can be disposed of instantly. It got Oscar and gave us an episode of filler creepiness. Move along now.

The idea behind Ruby's eyes isn't bad, but the execution absolutely is. RT has undermined a huge portion of the stakes by giving their protagonist an instant kill-shot that always works precisely when she needs it to. Starting with the Apathy, we have yet to get a moment where Ruby's eyes fail to save the day when she really needs them to, no matter how incredible the challenge. The Hound was very intentionally written to be a grimm outside of the group's current power level. It thinks, it talks, they literally can't touch it. This creates the expectation that the group will need to grow stronger — or at least become smarter — in order to surmount this new obstacle, yet Ruby's eyes undermine all of that. The group hasn't grown in years, the show just makes enemies weaker as needed (Ace Ops), or has Ruby pull out her eyes as a trump card. It wouldn't be that bad if we'd at least gotten a good battle out of it, one where the group gets close to defeating the Hound on their own, but needs Ruby's eyes to finish it off. Instead, she literally walks up without any aura, announces to the audience that this antagonist's time is up, and blasts it out a window.

Granted, Ruby's eyes don't completely finish it. The Hound pulls itself to its feet and we see this.

Yup, that's a guy and yup, those are silver eyes.

I would like to issue a formal apology to the "It's secretly Summer!" theorists in the fandom. I mean, I still think it would be ridiculous (and at this point highly improbable) that Ruby's dead mother has actually been a grimm mutant this whole time, just hanging out in Salem's realm while she waits for the plot to start before attacking the world, and then sends some no-name faunus dude after the group instead of their leader's mother for extra, emotional torture... but you all were definitely right about the “It's a person” part! I... don't know how I feel about this. Admittedly, it seems to be a logical continuation of the other grimm-human hybrids we've seen — namely Cinder and Salem herself — and it finally explains why Salem wants Ruby alive (even though it actually doesn't because WHY did she want more SEWs for Hound grimm when she wasn't even attacking back then? And already has all these other insanely powerful tools??), but at the same time, it feels like it's complicating a story that doesn't need further complications. The group fights monsters and has an immortal enemy. You don't need to add 'Some of those monsters are secretly human' to the mix.

It doesn't hurt that this twist is giving me Attack on Titan vibes, which, ew. A dark time in my fandom life, folks.

The Hound staggers a few steps before Whitley and Willow dump a suit of armor on it. That's all it takes to kill the most dangerous grimm we've ever seen: a single flash of silver eyes and some heavy metal. This also wreaks havoc with the implication that Salem wants SEWs alive because they create such powerful grimm. Obviously not. I mean yeah, normal huntsmen are going to have serious  problems, we’ve seen that this volume, but any other SEWs nearby will take a Hound out instantaneously. For a villain with so many other powerful abilities — immortality, magic, endless normal grimm, her nifty soup — Salem would be much better served just killing SEWs straight out. Clearly, creating Hounds isn't worth the effort.

The Hound leaves some bones behind and Ruby collapses to her knees, overcome with the knowledge that this was once a person. Again, uncomfortable Attack on Titan parallels.

We finish our premiere with Cinder clearing away rubble to reveal Watts. Honestly, I like that we ended on this because her rescue is hilarious. She just slings him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and blasts off with her magic fire feet. Fantastic.

Note though that with this scene we've seen almost everything from the clip and the trailer. What's to come in the rest of Volume 8? No idea. Outside of Winter leading the charge with the bomb, we got it all here.

Time to update the bingo board!

I'm crossing off "Introducing new grimm that are quickly abandoned." Between the Hound and acid-dude both falling to a single blast/cut from Ruby, we've more than earned this square.

It doesn't look as if we'll get another Watts-Jacques team-up now that he's left, but you never know.

Maria's got me worried. I feel like her Yoda fight against Neo is the one thing she'll be allowed to do this volume, but given that we didn't see anyone except Ruby's group this episode, we don't yet know whether the story is now ignoring her and Pietro, or if they'll re-appear in another episode like YJR.  

Qrow is free. Will he get a drink before trying to murder Ironwood? Perhaps.

Still no bingo :(

All in all, the episode was by no means horrible. I think there were lots of horrible parts, but also some legitimately well executed moments, fun action, and scenes that I can easily imagine as squee worthy if you lean back and squint. Everything is comparative and in the growing collection of bad RWBY episodes, this one isn't securing a top slot. Which doesn't mean I think it's good, just... not as bad as it could have been and primarily only bad due to long-running problems, not things this specific episode has done. That's my bar then, so low it has officially entered the underworld.

Still, RWBY is back and a part of me is eager to see where this volume takes us, for better or for worse.

Until next week! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[orangepanic]

20 Fic Writer Questions

Finally getting around to this. Thanks for the tags @rasnak2 @theboyfrommakapu @old-and-new-friends

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

37

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

798,770. I want to do something when I get to one million, but that might be cry? I dunno, suggestions welcome.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Technically three: Avatar: Legend of Korra; Avatar: The Last Airbender; and Harry Potter. But I only have one ATLA fic and the HP one was a crossover. The vast majority of what I write is LOK.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

“AWOL,” my S2 re-write

“Glass,” my sequel to that

“Firestorm,” my sequel to that

“Smoke,” an Equalist Asami fic

“The Lies We Tell Ourselves,” a post S1 fix-it where Iroh and Asami become roommates.

Which, now that I see this, I kind of love? Sometimes I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to write shorter, fluffier fics because they’re “fun” or whatever. And they are fun, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I need the brain break to write something like "Hotman" or "Mangosami." But it’s a nice reminder that over time what readers seem to enjoy the most are what I’d also consider my more “serious” writing, and that it’s okay for me to indulge in long multi-chapter fics even if they don’t deliver quick wins. If someone asked me for five fics of mine to recommend I’d not be at all disappointed with this list.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Sometimes? I need to work on this. I love comments. I love them so much. But I have a few regular readers who are kind enough to comment on a lot of chapters, and I feel like I’m bothering them if I respond to every comment? Which maybe I shouldn’t? I don’t know. I’m so grateful for every reader and comment that I worry about chasing people away by being too needy. But then I love it when authors respond to my comments, so...?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

“Yao Li’s Blade” for sure, my fic about Ozai’s hair stylist. It’s not even close. My Irosami is all angst with a happy ending — though “Smoke” may tip that balance by the time I finish it.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hard to say because I have a lot of HEA-type endings. I’m very partial to the Epilogue in “Glass” though.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Very rarely, and only when I’m in a very silly mood to match. I think the only one I’ve posted is “Asami Sato and the Goblet of Fire,” which is a little one-shot imagining Asami as a muggle exchange student and Iroh as one of the Durmstrang competitors during Book 4. Asami is a Slytherin, by the way, and all y’all who put her in Ravenclaw are missing a trick. I consider this one of my most under-appreciated stories.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not often, but yes. 100% of it is from Korrasami shippers calling me homophobic for shipping a canonically bi female character with a male. I used to try to respond and ask for constructive feedback on how I could make Asami feel more bi in my stories, but I’ve never gotten any, so now I delete comments like that and then feel like shit for a week before moving on.

10) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. Not well. And not… hard, I guess? All of my Irosami smut is of the sweet and rather giggly kind between two people who obviously love each other, and that one Kuviroh fic is just Iroh being drunk and awkward. Fluffy smut. Flut?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so. I’d honestly be a little flattered? Also pissed, but really the idea that anyone cares enough about my writing to steal it is absurd.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’m currently co-writing “Harmonic Convergence” with @ideklolwat, and @the-hopefulpenguin and I started something together that’s on a little hiatus as we both got busy with other projects. It’s a learning experience for me for sure.

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL FINISH EVERY FIC IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO

16) What are your writing strengths?

I’m not entirely sure. I used to think it was writing emotions but the more I read of other people’s work the more I doubt that assessment. Maybe something like fleshing out main characters? I’ve been told a few times that my Asami and especially my Iroh are better than canon. But I’m not as good with side characters.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh god, probably everything, but the thing that’s bothering me at the moment is trying to insert descriptions and movement into dialog. I can’t figure out how to say what is going on without breaking the conversation flow. I’m also shit at world building in the sense that I mostly make things up. I am awed by writers who do a ton of research and bring those elements into their stories. Most of what I have feels kind of modern AU even when it isn't.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I rarely have cause for this. It seems like everyone in the Avatar world speaks the same language. But I’ve had some fun throwing in allusions to other languages, such as creating a bit of a dialect for Southwest Earth Kingdom that mostly manifests in the pronunciation of names, or having someone study “old Omashan,” or having there be a song in another language and Iroh’s like “I have no idea what it means, I just thought it was pretty.”

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Legend of Korra. I’m relatively new to fan fiction.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t pick favorites. I love them all in different ways.

Tagging @chiefbeifongcanrailme, @alishatheninth @ohmygodtheywereparabatai and anyone else who wants in

[imagining-in-the-margins]

TB&TB Anon Asks 🐇

- are caught up now! I think?

1. You make me so happy! I'm not sure when TB&TB will come back right now. I was originally only planning a month, but I've had a really rough couple of weeks, so it might be longer. I'm expecting pretty bad news to come in the next few weeks, so I can't make any promises right now. I'll let you know once I decide!

2. God, I love The Fray, lol. I definitely immediately added that one as soon as I read this ask. I absolutely love that song, and you are very, very correct.

It's always have and never hold You've begun to feel like home yeah What's mine is yours to leave or take What's mine is yours to make your own

3. I love and appreciate you so much, friend! I adore you, as well. It's always hard when I feel like I need to remind people just how long I spend writing to get work out - but people like you make me feel so much better! Thank you for sending me your appreciation!!! It relieves so much stress every time!

4. Awwwe, thank you so much for thinking of me, friend! This message was so sweet, and I appreciate how hard it must've been for you to send. I know I always freak out thinking that I'm being weird or I'm gonna say something wrong (you did neither! You are wonderful).

Thank you for caring about what I have to say and wanting to share that happiness with me. I completely understand why people lurk, and I appreciate you even in your silence. That being said, if you talked with me, I would only ever enjoy that even more!

5. Ooh, I love disorganized hahaha. It's exactly how I think.

Tara is one of my favorite characters. I wish people wrote her more; she is absolutely lovely (and on the show longer than many other fan favorites outside of the core few).

I'm a firm believer in soulmates and love and I refuse to apologize for it! 😝

Also, thank you for quoting my work back at me (genuinely, it makes me so happy) and specifically the cheeky little "Tell me what I did." Bastard, lmao!

I love you!!! I hope you still have fun during the hiatus!

6. Ah, the farther I get from it, the more I love Chapter 18. It means a lot to me and it was very cathartic to write. It is hard to ask for things you know you need sometimes, huh? Especially when you feel so far gone.

Thank you for reading, for sending me such wonderful commentary, and for caring about me and my process at all! I am so thankful for each of you.

7. Never apologize for that! I love seeing mass notifications, lol. It makes me very happy. I always giggle about it.

8. Hahaha, I've been trying to force myself not to think of them so I can finally get some other stuff done, but it's been hard!

I also twitch my nose! I do mine a lot more like Matthew, though! It's such a cute visual, I definitely agree with you that she would do it.

9. I'm so glad to hear you think so! It's a pet peeve of mine (and has been since I was much younger) that popular myths about virginity are typically reflected in fanfiction. I want people to know that it doesn't always have to hurt (although you might be sore later), the hymen doesn't have to (and shouldn't) tear, and you should enjoy yourself!

As for protection, I don't like specifying because I know that people all use different types. I find it detracts from the story, and I hope that everyone who is reading my work (who should, I remind everyone, be over 18).

Nearly 90% of adult women not seeking to be pregnant are using some form of contraception. Bunny is, as well, I just couldn't find a moment to put in a scene for it. I do like to imagine her trying to hide when she's taking her pill or whatever, and he's just like "You know I know... right?"

[blouisparadise]

Here are some great bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of May. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Louis Punishments | Mature | 1759 words

Just a bunch of punishments Harry has given to Louis.

2) Hoping To Discover A Certain Kind Of Lover  | Explicit | 2353 words

He knew the basic idea of what was supposed to happen. It was the entire point of the film Zayn was working on. To match up unmated alpha and omega strangers and to film them as they kissed for the first time. The two of them shuffled awkwardly back and forth, unsure of what to do.

Enough was enough. “I’m gonna just go for it, yeah?” Harry suggested, and Louis nodded quickly, already leaning closer to him.

Everything was hesitant at first. Tender lips met, and all of it was soft and new, neither of them wanting to overstep. A little zing of anticipation and something unfamiliar shot down Harry’s spine as he swallowed the tiny sound of surprise Louis made. Neither alpha nor omega were pushing, but that was the point of all of this, wasn’t it? To see what happened when people let go and let themselves be? Harry figured he would try. For the sake of the experiment, of course.

Gently, so, so gently, Harry slid his hand up the side of Louis’s throat, cupping his jaw to hold him as close as he could. Their lips finally, finally, finally parted, and Harry could taste the hint of tea and honey lingering on Louis’s tongue. Suddenly and all at once, he couldn’t get enough.

3) Irresistible | Mature | 2380 words

Louis goes into his first heat at school and no one is able to resist him. Harry - who's been in love with him since forever - fucks and bonds him in the toilets.

4) Signed, No Name | Mature | 4647 words

Harry doesn’t know Blue, he just knows that he leaves random notes in the corners of the books he checks out, and he’s head over heels for him.

5) It Could've Been Worse | Not Rated | 4949 words

The one where a pandemic happens, harry is obssessed and louis hates apps made for 15 years old.

6) Take Me To The Stars | Explicit | 5840 words

Staring at his darling daughter, in the middle of the pasta aisle, Louis found himself on the edge of a neurotic breakdown.

"It’s your birthday tomorrow! And your papa better not do anything to muck it up! Because your dada worked very hard to organise it! And all of your aunties and grannies and granddads and friends will be there!” Louis continued in a sweet sing-song voice that seemed to get increasingly frantic as he continued. “And if your papa is in rut, then what? What’ll we do, honey girl? Your dada will be too busy! And your papa will be too horn-”

“Louis,” Harry interrupted, touching Louis’ arm. “I’ll be okay. It’s probably not even my rut. I can appreciate you… all of you… even when I’m not in rut.”

Louis looked at him skeptically, imagining the shitshow that would be Harry in rut, surrounded by family and friends, at their child’s first birthday party. “I hope you’re right, H.”

7) Kiss Like Fire | Explicit | 9093 words

Harry watches as his uncle's new omega walks around the backyard, serving canapés and drinks to all of the family members gathered. Harry is surrounded by his cousins, all sat together, too young for the adults but too old for the kids and teens. He lifts his beer to his lips and takes a sip when the omega crouches down by one of Harry's younger cousins and hands her a small cracker, sending her off with a sweet smile.

He watches as his uncle comes out of the house, sliding the patio door shut behind him and quickly making his way over to his omega. The omega looks up at him when he wraps an arm around his waist. His pretty lips move with soft-spoken words. Harry has to fight to keep his alpha in check when his dirty old uncle's hand dips down, grabbing at the omega's ass and making him jump.

"Dude," one of his cousins says, "Uncle Darron's new omega is such a milf."

8) Waking Up Alone | Mature | 10060 words

"Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love"

Love shouldn't hurt, loving somebody with everything you have shouldn't make you feel like you're dying. Louis feels like he’s drowning. He should have known where this was going from the start, he should have been prepared. Now he’s waking up in an empty bed, some days he doesn’t want to even wake up again. There's a hole in his heart; it's in the shape of Harry. Nothing he does can fill it. Drugs, alcohol, pouring out his heart into songs that Harry probably won't ever hear. When Louis is with him, he feels like he’s in heaven. Being alone, that's what he feels he deserves, at least Harry can be happier without him.

Maybe if they met at a different time, under different circumstances, he could have saved them. Louis had to do what was best for Harry, but it kills him a little everyday. Louis sees his smile everyday, but he knows it's no longer for him. Someone else makes Harry happier, but Louis wanted it to be him. They could have had forever. Louis would have given Harry everything.

"Forget what I said, it's not what I meant" Harry had tried to say, but Louis knew that wasn't the truth. After everything they’ve been through, Louis still loves him.

9) To The Beat Of My Own Drum | Explicit | 10285 words

A collection of drabbles.

10) Alone Too Long | Explicit | 10371 words

By the time The Temptress finally reached bay, the Captain only had one thing on his mind, and that one thing was Louis Darling.

11) Straight Boy | Explicit | 12251 words

Young, brunette and handsome, Louis attracts unwanted attention in prison. When his cellmate offers him protection, Louis accepts the offer, even though he doesn’t trust the guy. Little does he know how much it will change his life.

When he’s released from prison, Louis finds himself needing and wanting things he shouldn’t want. Louis is straight. He is. He has a girlfriend. What happened in prison stayed in prison—or so Louis tells himself.

Until he meets his former cellmate again. Harry. The guy he hates and craves.

12) Beautiful Crime | Not Rated | 13282 words

Note: This fic contins no explicit smut but since it’s a/b/o we’ve decided to include it in this monthly roundup. 

Louis is keen to defeat the one and only Alpha Harry Styles who has a notorious reputation in the entire country for his ruthlessness but a turn of events brings them on crossroads which deviate from their havens of war.

13) Anticipation | Explicit | 14156 words

Louis' a stripper. Harry's the new club owner. Louis decides he wants to get in his new boss' pants fairly quickly, but it might take more work than he thought to do that.

14) Strong Enough | Explicit | 20787 words

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

15) Alpha and Omega | Not Rated | 22270 words

Note: There is no smut where someone bottoms in this fic, but it contains omega Louis, so we’ve included it in this monthly roundup. 

Louis finds a new sense of self when the son of the werewolf leader, Harry Styles, comes to town to quell unrest in the Chicago pack and inspires a power in Louis that he never felt before.

Not my own work but rather a reimagination of the book Alpha and Omega with Harry and Louis.

16) Amazing Grace | Mature | 24290 words

Harry’s a dedicated pastor who's happily married, Louis is the troubled youth that stumbles into his life.

17) A Trail Of Honey Through It All | Explicit | 27083 words

The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him.

18) Just a Bit Twisted | Explicit | 30548 words

Professor Harry Styles is hated and feared by all of his students. Strict, reserved and ruthless, he doesn’t tolerate mistakes and has little patience for his students.

Louis Tomlinson is a twenty-year-old struggling to provide for his younger sisters after the death of their parents. On the verge of losing his scholarship, Louis becomes desperate enough to go to Professor Styles.

Everyone says Styles doesn’t have a heart. Everyone says he’s a ruthless bastard. Louis finds out that everyone is right.

He strikes a deal with Styles, but unexpectedly, the deal turns into something so much more.

Something all-consuming and addictive.

Something neither of them wants.

19) Like It's A Game | Explicit | 32223 words

There is little harry hates more than truth or dare.

20) We'll Be the Fine Line | Not Rated | 32474 words

“…Hey, Harry. It’s Louis…… um, yeah. Listened to the album tonight. It’s real good mate. Um, yeah, just real, impressed. I was kinda putting it off, ya’know, didn’t know if I wanted to listen to it. Saw you went on James and, uh, Saturday Night Live. Couldn’t watch you, have a hard time watching you on these things……. Anyway, mate, just thought I would drop a line. Don’t need to call me back. Alright.”

Louis listens to Fine Line, and, drunk, he leaves a voicemail for Harry after months of not speaking. This reminds Harry of a time before everything fell apart, slowly, painfully, a time when the two of them were still in love. And he desperately wants to go back.

21) The Space Between | Explicit | 33074 words

Living in East Verona was a privilege. One Prince Harry only found out when he decided to cross the borders into The Zone looking for entertainment, a temptation, a distraction, anything that would allow him to escape his boring, mundane life of luxury.

But what he found was something he never could have expected - poverty, destruction, chaos, but most importantly, a blue-eyed boy.

Together, they embark on a journey plagued with hazards and risks and twists and turns.

Can these two star-crossed souls fight for their freedom and keep each other safe at the same time?

22) Yes, Daddy, I Will | Not Rated | 33510 words

Where Harry is a dom and Louis is his cute little sub.

23) Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles | Explicit | 34241 words

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.

He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

24) Before We Knew | Explicit | 39593 words

Or Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

25) Hit Me With Your Sweet Love | Explicit | 39690 words

Powerful people only end up with powerful people. The rest are just playthings in their lives. Louis Tomlinson was many things, but he wasn’t anybody’s plaything.

26) Stole My Heart | Mature | 51343 words

Louis doesn't want much. A warm bed, and people who care about him.

Harry has everything he needs, despite his mother insisting he needs a mate. Money, status, and any omega he wants, why lock his heart down.

Until Louis comes along, and steals it.

27) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

28) Royal Desires | Mature | 66207 words

When Prince Louis falls into an early heat, his new personal guard Harry Styles is brought in as his heat partner for the time being until Louis finds a suitable royal prince to bond and take the throne with. The only problem is that Harry is everything Louis wants but can't have. Freedom, tattoos, individuality...and quite possibly love.

29) How To Break A Heartbreaker's Heart? | Teen & Up | 67447 words

Harry is straight.

Louis is gay.

Harry happens to be homophobic.

Louis has a dark past.

Harry had a dark childhood.

Will Louis and Harry unite and defy their past? Or will homophobia win for the umpteenth time?

30) Lavender Dreams | Not Rated | 77888 words

Louis is an outgoing person that goes to school for educational psychology and Harry is a biology major who happen to run into each other... a lot.

31) Be My Omega | Mature | 138372 words

It all started when the alpha laid eyes on the short curvy omega and he knew at that moment that his life would never be the same, in a good way of course.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[colourfullsims]

An Overdue Update

Hey there! Long time no see.

It’s been quite a while since my last update (and several times that I’ve said I would update that fell through lol), but I think it’s finally the perfect time to tell you all what’s been going on behind the scenes. I’ve kept most of you all in the dark with no explanation for my hiatus for months now, but with the end of the year upon us, I want things out in the open before moving into 2021. I will warn you now, that this will be a long post, because there’s a lot of backstory I have to lay out to explain everything. There will also be some brief mentions of emotional manipulation and emotional abuse in the beginning of this post, which I will be content tagging for safety, so please skip over the first question if you would like to avoid this subject.

Now without further ado, I will be answering some frequently asked questions, starting with:

Q: Where did you go?

The short answer to this is that I took a very long, unwanted break from the community, but that answer doesn’t really suffice in explaining why. Typically, I like to keep things lighthearted and chill on this blog, because much of the reason why I play the Sims and do storytelling is for escapism. Things that happened this year took that away from me.

This spring, I broke up with my long term boyfriend of five years. With that separation came a lot of heartache, guilt, and stress for a variety of reasons. We’d been together since my days in undergrad and had shared so many intimate experiences together: graduations, moving out of state into our first “grown up” apartment, birthday trips to our favorite cities. We had inside jokes that I still find myself wanting to make with him, because after so much of our lives intertwined together, he’d essentially become my best friend. But things ended between us for good reason.

Despite the good that came out of that relationship, there was a fair amount of emotional manipulation/abuse that went on, early as the first few months of us being official. Sometimes it was subtle things: when we first started dating, I was in my final year of undergrad and doing all I could to bring up my gpa and buff up my resume, so that I could increase my chances of getting into my grad school of choice. Frequently, he would comment on my academic successes as if they would be the thing that would break us up. I remember presenting a paper on a panel, facing my fear of public speaking head on, and I was so proud of the work I’d put into it all, and then hours later coming back to my student apartment to tell him how it went, and the first words out of his mouth were, “Someday you’re gonna get too smart and leave me behind.” And that wouldn’t be the last time he said some iteration of that phrase to me, and every time it would feel like he was praying I would slow down so he wouldn’t feel I was outgrowing him. Even when I finally did get accepted to my dream school, my first thought after my excitement was that when I told him the news, he wouldn’t be happy for me. My decisions for my future became personal slights to him: I had to move from the midwest out to NYC to attend grad school, and even though I discouraged him from following me if he didn’t want to live in the city (which he 100% did not), he followed me anyway and hung that decision over my head like a giant reminder of some debt that I owed him. I regret not following my gut then and my failure to recognize the red flags, because I would go on to spend 3 more years after our move losing myself as he clutched onto me, in what I can only assume with the hope that if he held on tight enough, that I wouldn’t leave him behind. 

When I look at the more overt signs of my ex’s possessiveness, I realize I should have shared what was going on more with the people close to me: in the early stages on our relationship, he’d already done destructive things like slashing the tires of a guy I had been seeing earlier that same year, and punching a hole into the wall of my student apartment. He’d gone through all my messages on social media, my texts, my emails, all to find out about old crushes that he suspected I might still be in contact with. He even went as far as reading through my private journal, which I previously wrote in daily, but now I struggle to write in more than a few times a year, for fear of my privacy being invaded again. In the wake of realizing our relationship was failing, instead of ending things, I put my energy into hoping that he would do better, and I hid what was happening from my family and friends, to the point that I avoided their messages and phone calls. I isolated myself in increasing measures as time went on until I was too timid to do most things outside of my apartment without my ex-boyfriend by my side. The reason I stayed so long is because of these combined things: the sense of owing him my time after uprooting his life, the fact that I was both physically and mentally separated from my support systems, the feeling of familiarity that had grown from shared experiences and time, and largely, this overwhelming self imposed desire to not appear as though I had failed my relationship.

Largely, 2020 has been an absolute trash fire, but I can thank this year for one thing; putting me into a situation of such unrest that I could no longer ignore that I was not living the life I wanted or deserved.

After our breakup, I moved back to my parents’ place and stayed there while the remainder of my lease in New York ran out. When I originally left, I only brought back a small suitcase and backpack filled with essentials and valuable items that I couldn’t leave behind in my apartment, so I had to return again to retrieve my things, which, as you can imagine, was not fun. Not only was traveling during covid a nightmare, my ex was threatening to throw all my stuff out of our apartment, so I had to scramble to get a flight, a hotel, moving equipment, and a moving service arranged on the fly so I could retrieve everything (and when I got there, he had smashed one of my laptops). In summation, from our break up to finally moving out completely, this all happened over the span of mid-spring to the 1st of August.

Since then, I’ve been keeping myself sparse on the internet, partially because I needed the time to recover from the entire experience, and partially because frankly, I’ve been afraid of my ex monitoring any of my accounts to keep tabs on me. He was fully aware of this blog, and since in recent years it's been the only account I’ve kept up with, I was afraid of him trying to find out where I am and what I’ve been doing through here. I’ve only felt comfortable reblogging others content for the past few months.

So that’s where I’ve been. Which brings us to the next question:

Q: What happened to Love Island?

Over the past few months, I’ve received several asks and messages about whether or not I still planned on doing the Love Island challenge, as well as words of concern about my well being. I want to start by acknowledging all those messages by first apologizing to anyone I didn’t get back to: the majority of you got the sense that I was overwhelmed or burnt out, as most of us have been this year, and I really thank you for still having any interest in seeing me do any type of content after I essentially ghosted you all lol. I really appreciate all the well wishes too.

But I also received this:

Which, 1) I don’t know if this was either impeccable timing or horrible timing on your part, considering I planned on writing this update before this landed in my inbox.

And 2),

I don’t know if you were a reader or one of the participants selected for the challenge, but I’m sorry you’re disappointed about me not following through with the challenge. I was really excited to do it when I made the casting call, was ecstatic about the number of creators who submitted complex and diverse sims, and I had even completed the villa and started working on shooting the premiere. But as you can see from everything above, life happened. I wish this year had been more stable so that I could have done the challenge with no problem. 

But I’m not going to apologize for making the choices I needed to to preserve my mental health and safety.

That being said, it’s been so many months since I originally pitched the challenge; many of the creators who were selected are now inactive or have deactivated. And honestly, I didn’t know whether you all would even want the challenge at the point, I mean…? It’s winter time now, and Love Island was definitely more of a summer themed challenge lol.

As it stands, I don’t know if I will be picking up where I left off with the Love Island challenge. I certainly still have some interest in doing it; I built a whole set and had an entire schedule of challenges and dates planned for the project. But I don’t know if I can move forward with the original cast, or if I would have to do a new casting call to fill the spaces of inactive creators. So...I guess I would need feedback from you all. Would you want Love Island still?

Q: What are you planning to do now?

Right now, I’m doing whatever makes me happy. I’m in a much better place than I was about 6 months ago, and I don’t feel the same anxiety about posting as I did. For now, I might just post some casual gameplay until I know whether or not I’m moving forward with Love Island. I’m just happy to come back to do what I love.

So there you have it. 2020 kicked my ass in some really heart wrenching ways, and I needed some time to not worry about keeping up with content creation and just worry about taking care of me. Now that I’m a little more stable, I want to come back, even if it’s just simple stuff for now. To those of you who have stuck around waiting to see if I’d ever pick my projects back up, thank you so much, and I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting this long lol. For the time being, all I have to offer is a very long overdue Follower’s Gift: I will be hosting a giveaway for my followers this week, where I will be giving away $40 worth of sims content each to 3 followers. I’ll have more details about the giveaway tomorrow when the official post goes live.

If you made it this far thank you for reading this long mess, and I’ll see you all soon!

~Cam

[sepublic]

One of the weird things about WiLW is that, despite everyone canceling Boscha and declaring Boschlow dead (even as a crackship), it kinda makes the best case so far for why it could be made to work. If that makes sense? Like it was my nOTP before, but I saw how both of their biggest flaws is the other's greatest strength. And a fiery odd-couple opposites-attract pair would be a good foil to the sweet pining soulmates that are Lumity. Their history gets in the way, but not insurmountably so.

           Now, this is an idea I hesitantly consider and tread upon, for obvious reasons… Boschlow was a fun crack ship back during the mid-season hiatus, as the only thing we saw Boscha do to Willow was mockingly call her out for not being invited to the Moonlight Conjuring, and that was about it. But then Understanding Willow revealed that Boscha had in fact been bullying Willow for quite a while, and clearly it left QUITE some damage on Willow’s psyche… And while Boscha’s bullying in WilW was implied to be more intense than her usual torment, that doesn’t change the fact that she literally dumped garbage on Willow! I’m not opposed to seeing the two reconcile… But clearly, Boscha owes all of the apologies here, and has a lot to make up for, and Willow would be justified in not wanting to ever contact the girl, ever again.

           Honestly, I don’t necessarily see Willow and Boscha as two sides of the same coin, like I do for Luz and Amity… The two of them are mostly just foils and contrasts to one another. Though, I AM always eager to hear others’ takes on the two, and how one might interpret Willow and Boscha as such! At the very least, I think Willow and Boscha, initially, had an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ principle to how they dealt with things that troubled them, to varying degrees… There’s Willow not wanting to dwell on her bad memories with Amity, which she does in a healthier sense than Boscha- Who will sometimes dismiss her issues about something, because the thing in question is actually just dumb and doesn’t matter anyway!

          But as we can see… Boscha doesn’t always entirely ignore things, either- She’ll dredge up drama and go out of her way to antagonize others like Willow, instead of simply ignoring her feelings on the matter and letting it be done! She’ll LET her displeasure be known, and while it’s good for Boscha to sometimes acknowledge her unhappiness, she unfortunately proceeds to deal with it in a less than constructive manner… I feel like an actually healthy relationship/dynamic between the two would also require Boscha to tone herself down quite a bit, even if she can still maintain that sense of fiery competitiveness and boldness that she’s always had.

          Likewise, while I think Willow has EVERYTHING to give and provide to Boscha, more on that later… I’m not sure there’s really anything meaningful that Boscha could give her, that others don’t already do and better? Boscha’s strength is artificial and toxic to herself and others. Superficially it might make Willow feel better initially, but in the long run Boscha’s ideals are harmful. Especially if she tries to imply to Willow that she’s ‘worthy’ specifically because of her prowess with Plant magic, and not regardless of it. But, I am liable to others’ takes and interpretations on the two!

           Personally, my read on Boscha is that she’s afraid. She doesn’t want to be a ‘loser’, she’s afraid of the potential loneliness and emotional turmoil that may come from that, and she thinks that losers ‘deserve’ their own pain, no less… So Boscha is actively trying to compensate for who she is, so she can ‘prove’ herself as better than that, both to her own personal concepts, and maybe to someone else…

           She also seems fixated on pain, in a sense- Her own, and causing retribution towards those who ‘hurt’ Boscha. There’s a quiet moment where Boscha is impressed by how mature Luz is, for taking all of the blame… And she briefly seems to reevaluate her stance on Luz, before stubbornly sticking to her previous dislike. It’s like Boscha felt actual sympathy for Luz in that moment, but then closed off any room for reconsidering who Luz was and respecting her. She doesn’t want to change her mind on ‘losers’ like Luz, because surely there was a good reason for hating and bullying people like that…

           Boscha doesn’t want to reconsider her stance on Luz, not let the girl get into her head and ‘infect’ her with weakness. She’s lowkey afraid of the kind of people that Luz and Willow are, or what she sees them as; And it’s why she’s so vehemently livid towards ‘losers’ like those two! And, I think Willow could be interesting for Boscha, because Willow was obviously who Boscha hated the most, or at least much longer, compared to others. She singled out Willow, almost like she was projecting her own insecurities onto the girl, that hurting Willow would be like gaining retribution upon the insecurities and flaws that Boscha saw in herself, and the girl.

           Going back to what I said about Boscha focusing on retribution, how she doesn’t seem willing to repair and heal over mistakes together, and would rather punish… I think Willow is someone who can teach Boscha how to forgive, withoutforgetting. And let’s be real here, can it even be said if Willow and Luz ACTUALLY hurt Boscha in a serious sense, and/or their actions weren’t justified, plus completely innocent? Not to mention, Boscha is ignoring that all of those other students chose to prioritize attention to Willow over Boscha? Aside from Boscha recognizing that a lot of her own pain came from herself and her own exaggerated reactions to Luz and Willow’s innocent actions…

           We saw how Willow dealt with pain, regarding Amity. I feel like she’s someone who can show Boscha how to deal with that sort of thing, how one can actually be mindful of the circumstances of what happened, and really take that into account, while considering one’s feelings and the source of those emotions. Clearly the situation was different, as Willow did nothing to deserve Amity’s rejection, while Boscha MORE than earned some negative karma on her own end… But you get the idea.

           Boscha needs to actually get over her apprehensions about ‘losers’ like Luz and Willow, before she can truly heal… Instead of just ignoring those feelings first and getting along, because that kind of friendship would then be superficial. Boscha changing her apprehensive stance on someone like Willow, especially, is important- Because to Boscha, Willow is emblematic and definitive of the kind of person she doesn’t want to be… Or at least, she’s the one closest to that definition, that Boscha can actively get away with tormenting.

           Changing her stance on Willow would show so much, how Boscha has learned to improve and open her mind to other people and their ways of living and existing, and feeling. Perhaps it would be THE final step/accomplishment, the ultimate proof of Boscha having changed�� Not making the same mistakes, when presented the chance to. Willow is someone who can show Boscha that the kind of person that she doesn’t want to be… ISN’T so bad after all, that there’s nothing to be afraid of, you aren’t necessarily going to become that kind of person by being with them- And even if you do, it’s not so bad! It’d be incredibly relieving to Boscha, and I can see her being grateful to Willow…

           Likewise, I can see her admiring Willow- Boscha can now appreciate just how strong and vigilant Willow really is, and how inspiring the Park girl is to her. Willow proves to Boscha that the kind of person she is, isn’t just someone to accept- It’s the kind of person to learn and take cues from, to strive to be like! Boscha is going to be amazed at how strong Willow was, withstanding all those years of abuse when Boscha herself likely couldn’t even IMAGINE handling that… She’s going to show Boscha that there’s more than one way to be strong, and arguably, Willow’s way is better. Willow can show Boscha that you can be soft and open with others, while being even stronger and more resilient to pain, than the kind of person Boscha was…

           And, it can show Boscha how to truly defend herself. How to be strong in a way that REALLY matters, and then Boscha can feel safe in a real sense, VS barricading herself past several walls she’s built up, but otherwise never overcoming her fear and adversity. Really, I think Willow has WAY more to teach Boscha, rather than the other way around… While I’m all for people mutually teaching one another different things, it’s worth noting that Boscha was entirely in the wrong for bullying Willow, and that Willow was certainly not ‘guilty’ of anything that warranted this kind of torment whatsoever.

           Willow has definitely ‘outgrown’ Boscha and her destructive fire. And, considering what Boscha did to her… Like I said, Willow has a lot to offer Boscha. But Boscha isn’t owed that, Boscha has had an issue with thinking she’s owed reverence and glory for being ‘strong’, for having suffered and endured and used that pain to forge herself into a ‘superior’ kind of person… But in the end, Boscha needs to not be entitled, and realize that she’s no better nor worse than anyone else. And she can’t work to change this fact, either- It’s just how it is!

           Willow doesn’t owe Boscha anything. She’s not the girl’s caretaker, she’s not her savior unless Willow wants to be… Which leads me to the idea that to start, Boscha needs to just let Willow exist. She needs to be mindful of Willow’s existence, give the girl room to flourish and grow… And Boscha needs to apologize, with no expectations attached. Only by healing their relationship, and getting it to a point where Boscha won’t hurt Willow, nor does she expect anything from Willow because of this… Only then can Willow feel safe about teaching Boscha a thing or two on how to live, and even so, that’s entirely her choice. Boscha needs to prove that she’ll respect whatever decision Willow makes, even if it prioritizes Willow and/or others over Boscha herself. It’s not some personal insult towards Boscha, people have their own lives that don’t revolve around her, and they don’t owe the girl anything for being ‘better’ than them, not that Boscha actually is to begin with!

           This is, of course, all speculation- Most of which hinges entirely on my specific read and interpretation of Boscha and her character. Honestly, this could prove very wrong if we learn more about Boscha’s character, and I’d have to reevaluate how a relationship between her and Willow would work. But first and foremost, Boscha needs to respect Willow as her own person, and not just a potential girlfriend, nor as someone she should idolize, either… Willow doesn’t have to be ‘cool’ in Boscha’s eyes to gain her respect. And similarly, I can see Boscha getting close with Willow, but then trying to play up how cool she is to others, and maybe how cool Willow is… Because she wants to justify being with a ‘loser’ like Willow.

           And Willow will rightfully take offense at that. She’s going to tell Boscha to stop trying to act like Willow herself is so ‘lowly’ that Boscha needs to socially compensate for being friends with her. Willow herself, on her own, is perfect as-is, and Boscha doesn’t have to act like she isn’t- She needs to stop caring about appearances or the opinions and reverence of others, so much! Boscha needs to value her own opinion of herself, her own self-worth, without making it dependent on whether or not others fear/adulate her.

           It’s kind of like Amity or Lilith, in a sense- Where Boscha doesn’t believe in her own evaluation of herself nor trust it… So she looks to others as a judge, as a litmus test to decide if she’s ‘worthy’ or lovable and whatnot. Boscha looks to how others reverentially regard her in order to decide if she’s good enough, instead of just looking at the mirror and deciding that if Boscha is happy- Then she IS good enough! All that should be required is for Boscha to be happy and content with herself. Her own opinion of herself DOES have value, believe it or not… And that’s something Willow herself learned, too, though unlike Boscha she didn’t try to cope with feeling ‘unworthy’, by hurting others- Instead Willow just ‘accepted’ this alleged lowliness of herself before Luz pointed out otherwise, that Willow was never unworthy to begin with!

           So, yeah- Boscha needs to stop being afraid of the kind of person that Willow is. She needs to see that people like Willow and Luz are perfectly valid as-is, that there is no hierarchy where a certain type of person is better or worse than others. Boscha needs to trust in her own opinion and self-confidence in herself, and not be so reliant on what others have to say. She needs to stop being entitled to power and adulation, even if Boscha went through the effort to ‘earn’ it… Because nobody agreed to compensate Boscha in the first place. It’s like working so hard to give someone gifts without them even asking, and then expecting to be rewarded. Boscha needs to be mindful of others and their existence, and see it as not that bad anway… And that it’s okay to be like others. Boscha can still hold onto her own identity, and remember her own feelings while still working past them.

           Honestly, this could be but the tip of the iceberg, regarding the many issues that Boscha has, and how Willow could help her. On the flipside, I can see Boscha being the kind of person to mercilessly give Willow encouragement… And tell Willow that yes, Willow IS strong, and she did earn the right to be beloved by others! But again, this ties back into the idea of love being conditional, which seems contradictory to what this show has to say. Like I said, Willow has so much more to teach Boscha, and it’s up to her to decide if she wants to- And even so, Boscha needs to recognize that her existence isn’t exactly reliant on whatever decision that Willow makes, either.

          Really, I’m not at all against seeing Boscha’s character be explored and given depth, maybe even reformed for her own sake? I guess I’m a forgive and forget type of guy. I’m willing to forgive Lilith, who cursed her own sister, and was also Head Witch of the Emperor’s Coven- So she hurt a lot of other people BESIDES Eda, and that’s something Lilith herself and some people in the fandom need to recognize more. And I feel like government persecution is worse than bullying, not to say the latter isn’t bad either- If anything, bullying already being bad, as-is, just says a lot more about how terrible persecution is by being worse!

           And me, I’m willing to consider motives and introspection for freaking Belos, who committed genocide upon wild witches just for existing, and set up the toxic coven system and environment that contributed to Boscha’s own toxicity in the first place. I guess for some, Boscha’s bullying hits closer to home than Belos’ persecution of people, hence why they’re justifiably angrier at her particularly. Those feelings are absolutely valid… Unfortunately, recent events have led to government persecution becoming a lot more relatable as well. Which, gets me to my point that if I can consider Belos’ side of the story, I can at least do the same for Boscha. Not to mention, it’s worth noting that Lilith and Belos are fully-grown adults, but Boscha is still a kid- So she’s got room to improve and change people, let’s remember that amidst still holding her accountable!

[areluctantsblog]

Teacher!Tony wrong number au - Part 9

Part1   Part2   Part3   Part4   Part5   Part6   Part7   Part8

Fucking finally, ey? I can’t tell you how incredibly grateful I am for all the support this story kept getting during this huge hiatus. Make no mistake, it was you, dear people, who got me through it, especially in the past couple of month, while my inspiration warred with my guilt and anxiety about this story.

I tag each and every one of you with a special thank you! @scarletmanuka1 @whenfandomscollide @speckledcoffeecups @hogwartstoalexandria @aoifelaufeyson​  @geekmom13  @red-eyes88​ @Pretzelpoetry @lunakir​ @airebellah​ @starkercrossedlovers​ @smidnite​ @try--again2244 @greyastocoal​ @ur-fav-starker-stan @prihoney​ @ravens-starker-stuff​ @starker-reader​ @emeraldstark @starkerxstarker​ @maqnusbae​ @nyctophile3000​ @spider-iron-man​ @rebel13lion39​ @youknowwhoiamx @theatrekidwithissues​ @blueyoshi97 @t-hollands-bitch​ @starkerintheparker

Have fun reading!

***

Peter scoffs, but some of the weight lifts from his chest even though he still doesn’t have any idea what to tell his best friend. He sees Ned typing, so he waits for his next message.

The tight knot around Peter's windpipe loosens a bit as a soft chuckle escapes him.

Seeing his friend's apology prompts Peter to reply. He types hastily. 

Peter stares at the screen for a long minute before hitting call with a sigh. His chest feels like a battlefield where warm fuzzy butterflies war with cold clammy hands that cut off his breath. 

“Hey, man, what’s up?” comes his best friend’s excited voice.

“Um, hi," Peter chokes out and winces at how feeble he sounds. 

Every time he talks about it, he feels an ever bigger mess. It's as if talking about it would make it more real. Less easy to handle. And yet, when he's with Tony—God, he's been with Tony twice now!—things seem to come so easily. Why does it have to become so complicated when he thinks about it? Sure, when he's with Tony, his mind is reduced to mush, but at least he doesn't wonder about how real things are. And even if they were real, wouldn’t he feel happy? Euphoric even… Peter groans. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Peter hurries to say. It rings false even to his own ears, and yet it helps him realise that objectively it’s true. He's panicking, yes, but nothing's really wrong. At least not with him. When he thinks about Tony though, his heart aches.

Ned remains silent.

“Um,” Peter starts again. “That’s not… It’s complicated. I’m okay, though. Well, I'm a mess," he admits, voice cracking, "but that's no news." He needs to take a break. He's having difficulty breathing and he feels hot all over. He wants to tell Ned, wants to somehow be able to explain the turmoil within him, but he can’t get the words out. He rakes his fingers through his hair, scraping the back of his neck with more force than necessary.

“Anyway…” he starts, pumping himself to speak the words. What comes out instead is… Not the words he meant.  “How was your ride home?” His voice betrays him again, jumping several notes higher.

Ned laughs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d be happy to tell you about all the wonders a half-an-hour subway ride can offer, but I really don’t believe that you’re interested in that right now.”

“No, you are right,” Peter admits, deflating. At least his voice sounds like his own now, even though it’s weak again. "Something… Something has happened.” 

He can hear a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line.

Fuck, he still hasn't thought this through. How can he tell it to Ned? However involuntary Tony’s confidence might have been, he can’t betray it. And now he's given the wrong impression. 

“Nothing like that," he assures quickly. "Nothing like you know, between us. It’s about Tony and I don’t think he’d appreciate if I told you,” Peter confesses. “I’m sorry,” he adds, readying himself for a hurt comeback.

He's an idiot. Why has he teased, if he won't spill it? 

“Wow, man. You know a secret about your crush?”

At first, Peter barely notices how different his best friend sounds than he expected, but then he processes it and as the excitement in Ned's voice penetrates his mind, he sags with relief.

"You're the best, Ned, you know that, right?" Peter sighs. 

"Come off it," Ned huffs, but Peter can tell that he's pleased. 

He smiles and thinks.

"I mean, it's kinda personal," he admits, "and well, I'm not telling it, so it's secret, I guess."

There’s a moment of silence before they both burst out laughing. The heavy feeling in Peter’s chest finally dissipates, and heat pools into its place as the butterflies win the battle inside him. He pulls his pillow to his chest, and squeezes it tightly to keep himself from wriggling and squealing. 

"Wow, man."

"Yeah," Peter's voice breaks. 

"Do you think that he…?" Ned doesn't finish, but he doesn’t need to: Peter's brain supplies several different options in a heartbeat.

Does Tony know how he feels? How does Tony feel about Peter now? Are the days events really such a big deal or is it just Peter obsessing again? They were so close. Not just physically. But physically, too and every cell in Peter’s body comes alive with the memories of holding the man he loves in his arms.

Before he could voice any of that—if he even would want to voice any of that, which he is in absolutely no condition to decide with his heart swelling to twice its usual size and threatening to explode—Ned speaks over the phone.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, Peter but I gotta go. Family thing. Talk later?”

“Sure,” Peter assures. “Go on, I’m fine.”

He isn’t. He finds that out as soon as there’s silence at the other end of the line. Despite his elation and excitement the “what now?” that takes the place of his best friend’s voice in his mind makes his stomach drop. He opens his eyes, hoping that it will ground him—and wondering when he had closed them in the first place—, but it only makes it worse. He blinks at his bedside cabinet and his eyes gloss over. The objects cluttered there confront him painfully with himself and he squeezes his eyes shut, throat tight. He’s a child. A pathetic little kid, who’s still reading comics and plays with Legos. Who wastes his time figuring out fictional spaceships’ mechanics instead of building something in real life. Fine, he has his research but what does he do with that? After telling Tony on Friday that he has big plans for the weekend, he’s spent half of it stupidly pining for a man so obviously out of his league that it’s ridiculous.

A man, he wants so much that it hurts. A man who he held in his arms just a few hours ago. A man whose scent, inexplicably, still lingers in his nostrils. Did it soak itself into his clothes? His skin? Or is it just his imagination? Peter doesn’t care. He inhales deeply and lets the memory of their hug wash over him. It didn’t last nearly as long as he wished, but now he can linger and explore the sensations coursing through his body. The emotions that didn’t register over his nervousness and shock at the time hit him all at once. His skin is tingling, hot all over, and he squeezes his pillow tighter to his chest, just like he did when Tony was shaking and out of it. He doesn’t want that for him, but god, he yearns to touch him like that again, without holding back, without sparing a thought to decorum. He wants to do it for pleasure.

The intensity of it all tears a sob out of Peter and he shifts in his bed to bury his face into his pillow. Then, he moves his hips again. And again. It feels good. Comforting. Relieving.

Until he realises that he’s hard.

Peter gasps and pushes his flaming face deeper into his pillow but he can’t help rutting against his rumpled duvet again. He shouldn’t, but at that moment he can’t think of a reason why. He whimpers desperately and arches his back to press more tightly against the mattress. He’s breaking out in sweat, and by then the hotness in his cheeks has less to do with shame than arousal. Everything he’s been feeling in the past couple of days is coming together in this hot feeling that washes over him and sweeps away his restraint. It leaves him weak and breathless, but right then he doesn’t need anything else than the friction against his erection and that solid, warm presence against his chest.

He inhales sharp, craving to gulp down Tony’s scent, aching to feel the scratch of his goatee on his cheeks and to hear his low voice in his ears. Peter hugs him tighter and moans, despite his best effort, as his climax hits him. He shudders through his orgasm, then, a leaden weight seeps into his limbs in the wake of his ecstasy. He’s still panting, but he’s too exhausted to open his eyes. He just needs a minute, just a minute to catch his breath and come around…

***

Hope you liked it! Hopefully, you won’t have to wait too long for part 10, because I’ve already started it.

[imaginesforthosewhoseekthem]

I might be going on a Hiatus

Hi....so I think it’s high time we talk. I know I’ve kept people waiting for a while, but this has to be said. As some of you know, I have a tenancy to take...LONG gaps in my writing. I appreciate the people who like seeing me write SO MUCH. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you all liking my work and complimenting me...but I keep making what are essentially empty promises to come back, thinking I’ll be happy and ready to write again, especially with something I like, Obey Me. You would think that...I would be EXCITED...or HAPPY to reply to these...but I’m honestly not. It has nothing to do with the questions people ask me, it’s just for the past few months, writing in GENERAL (not just here) feels like work and that I’m wasting my time because I’ll never be as good as all these other imagine accounts. I haven’t exactly been able to talk to professionals about how I feel because I have little money and can’t get employment right now because my country will be in lockdown again for 6 weeks and my family were from a time where mental health wasn’t seen as important as it is now, so they will just tell me I don’t need to...which...sucks. I’m not mad at them though, like I said, their thought process is a product of it’s time, but I still wish someone of that experience could help me find what I need to regain the passion of the things I love, especially writing.

Before I got into this funk, I used to be so excited to write stuff. It was my go-to thing is I felt bad or just wanted to vent. The only writing I’m doing at the moment is a journal that I’m keeping to write my thoughts and feelings in to get it out of my system. That is helping me enjoy writing in the practical sense of pen to paper, but it’s not creative like I would want it to be. My sleeping schedule is whacked and I devote too much time looking after other people. This I can admit, I usually put other people’s needs over my own because I do not think highly of myself. I pretty much bully myself, saying things like their time is more important and I don’t NEED the time to myself because I’m a wast a of space and shit like that...Hell, I’m WITH my grandparents during the lock down to take care of things for them because I would rather risk MYSELF getting Covid to make sure they’re taken care of. I even said to members of my family that I would rather suffer with Covid for ever member of my family if it meant they never get to have it at all. They didn’t think much of it,because I have a tenancy to say stuff like that. They probably think I don’t mean it, but I kinda do. I feel like it’ll get borderline dangerous the amount that I don’t ACTUALLY take care of myself, or at the very least, think of myself in a positive way...and I feel like it reflects on my work.  I LOVE how creative the asks people send me are...but I’m always worried I never do how great the ask is justice with my mediocre writing. I feel like my answer is no where near as good as the ask...and it’s a sucky thing to feel because I do ACTUALLY want to be proud of something I write. It’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time, the last one was like a college project I think. It’s not fair on my readers that I’m pumping out things that aren’t great or that isn't fuled by the passion I truly feel for the concept I’m given. I want to be able to feel that passion while I write too so that the answer is in it’s best form. With some of these, I know what I WANT to do, but end up going for the “Easy” way out because I hate feeling like I’m keeping people waiting...I don’t even want to post jokes based on the events I see in Obey Me because I feel like the question of “Why are you writing this when you should be doing asks” will come up in my head. I’m sorry this was a bit of a rant, but I thought the very most all of you deserved was the truth. I never understood some of these types of blogs that just disappear for no reason, probably from people feeling similar things to me in this moment. I get it. Writers block, burnout, whatever...it’s okay to feel these things. It’s a human thing to feel. To be unsure or insecure or even just tired. They are valid things to feel...I will try improve and work on myself so that in the future...I can hopefully give you all the content you deserve...I’m just grateful that I have not gotten any shit or harassment from the stuff I do because my followers are so sweet and understanding, even if they don’t do or say anything...I appreciate you all~! I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for, but hopefully I can work on myself in as little time as possible. I probably will pot the odd things in Obey Me or Seduce me or Mystic Messenger or just ANY game I want to share on here for a little laugh. This is a dark time we’re in and maybe if things were different, I’d be answering a lot faster then before. But for now...the ask box is closed and I may be on here on occasion...but thank you all for tuning in to me. I won’t be completely off tumblr, I do have a personal account @iseeallthatsdark, I’ve just gotten more used to posting stuff on here.

Love you all!

Mun~!

[kg2hub]

|･ω･｀) (mentor-archetype)

Send me |･ω･｀) + a URL and I’ll talk about this blog! | Accepting!

@mentor-archetype

owo kenny!! i really cannot compliment your writing enough. it’s like,,,,, so Good honestly :’3c your writing is rlly so impressive to me, and it’s clear you understand your character’s voices so well and so deep, and you portray the thoughts, feelings, even the little things like mannerisms, so well. like, not even i could do that with my writing a few years ago lmao. i like rping with you and reading the replies you give, but also it’s okay that you’ve kinda been taking a hiatus with rp too!! take as much time as you need hgfdfgdfg. i rlly don’t know anything about little nightmares but i can tell your portrayal has a lot of thought put into it and realistic elements i can imagine a person going through some kinda trauma to have hgfdsdfg. also your fanfics and poems?? very quality and emotion provoking,,,,, very cool to read, and it’s so cool expressing ur creativity and yourself in general like that

you’re a rlly cool person to talk to overall! i’ll be honest i don’t rlly know what to say a lot of the time when it’s not rp stuff or yknow, Life Advice™ hgfdsdfgsdf but it’s cool listening to you even if i’m not the one saying much. like it’s nice getting to hear about the stuff you’re interested in and stuff that makes u happy cause you deserve that!!! you are such a caring person and having so many interests and passions is rlly epic gamer imo!!!! having so much stuff to talk about is a Very good and fun quality

i can tell how much you try and i know you aren’t a bad person, you always deserve love and appreciation just like everyone else, so what’s important is keep doing the best you can do for the time being while moving forward. it’s okay to struggle with that at times and need some help too, and i hope you have good close friends in ur immediate life who genuinely love you and can be mutually supportive. everyone needs help, and it doesn’t make you bad or wrong if you might need just a little more support than other people. you’re going through some rough years and needing help or being confused during it is a lot more normal than you think!

it’s also super duper nice seeing your art whenever you post it, you’ve definitely improved and honestly if you keep at it? i can see your style really developing into something super nice, and the way it looks rn gives me either realism-leaning-with-a-dash-of-cartoon vibes or just plain cartoony art style if you ever wanna try going either of those directions, bc i personally think you’d do really well at them!! :’D you’re a cool person and i believe in you very much. i think you can put a lot of good into the world, i really do. and even if things kinda suck, pls know they won’t stay that way forever. ily!!

[arkus-rhapsode]

My Hero Academia Chapter 217 Review

So, it’s been a while since I did a review of this, eh? Yah, sorry. And next week is a hiatus so, lets dive in

We open up on Bakugou and Deku fighting, well more training. As Bakugou is trying to force the Black Whip to activate. All Might has to tell Bakugou that this is about testing Deku and making sure he doesn’t release the Black Whip unintentionally.

We get a flashback revealing that now that Bakugou is in on the One for All secret, he now gets to be meeting with Deku and All Might. I can’t help but imagine Bakugou being at least a little giddy on the inside considering he now gets to hang out with his favorite hero. Though he’s spending it with Deku so maybe it balances out.

Anyway, we get confirmation here that All Might did not know of these multiple quirks and likely Nana didn’t either. So this makes Deku the first of all the users to complete one for all.

Also, we see Bakugou’s addition this duo’s dynamic, he is master of cutting straight to the point. Already, asking questions to move the conversation forward. And when Deku suggests that this was possibly was caused through external means, Bakugou is the one who suggests that this was thanks to All for One.

Bakugou compares the quirks of All for One and One for All, as well as being the one who puts forward the fact that the quirk of One for All originated from All for One.

We cut back to the present where Bakugou’s trying to force out the black whip, but All Might needs to reel him back a little. Deku says that the quirk will only activate when with his feelings. My guess is from what the Hell Boy looking guy said, the feeling Deku needs to have to awaken Black Whip isn’t danger, but rather, feeling of grabbing or catching something or something. So maybe we should get Iida and start a chase or something?

Okay, make up your mind already Hori! Look I appreciate that Horikoshi had seemed to make it out as Deku needed to master the percentage portion of All for One to withstand the physical taxation of quirks like Black Whip. But now it seems like its implying that Deku should start figuring out how to unlock it instead of waiting till the fiiture like he had said 2 weeks ago.

I guess what this could be implying is that Deku should learn what “feeling” activates his other quirk, but he shouldn’t use it until he’s mastered the strength portion of the quirk. Now that would be fine if that were the case. Its also a possibility that this is a transnational issue and I might just be misinterpreting it.

Also, Deku is a little hung up on the comparison to All for One. And likely the fact if this was caused by him, its very likely All for One might be able to do other things to his body.

We cut away to the best part of the chapter.

All of class 1-a and class 1-b hanging out and enjoying dinner together.

We see Kirishima and Tetsutetsu discussing quirks, and it highlights what I said about them during the team Todoroki vs team Honenuki fight. That Tetsutetsu and Kirishima, while almost a joke on how similar they are, are fundamentally different people. As Kirishima suffers from a lack of confidence while Tetsutetsu suffers from overconfidence. I know its pretty much a foot note in the grand scheme of things, but I do appreciate that Hori does go the extra mile with these characters when he could’ve just made it the simple joke of, “their the same person basically.”

Also, Tetsutetsu brings up that while he can become iron, its only so hard. But Kirishima, he can keep hardening. I bet in his unbreakable mode, Kirishima is so much harder than Tetsutetsu that he could potentially crack his iron. But as iron, Tetsutetsu doesn’t have to worry about fire or other extreme weather cause his skin is metal. Kirishima will have to worry though, as while he is hard, he’s still made of flesh which can burn or freeze.

Also we have Momo and Kendou catching up with eachother. Then, my personal favorite, Tokoyami getting asked by Komori if he has photos of Hawks from off duty.

And yes, Mineta is locked in a clockwork orange chair. Actually that’s kinda brilliant.

I wish we could do more, but we gotta get to plot.

Wow... Now that Todoroki mentions how when they fought during the sports fest, Deku told him to come at him with everything he had and yet Deku wasn’t truly giving everything he had. Now to be fair, as Deku tries to say, this power just started to manifest, so its not like that was intentional. But you get what I mean here, that really awesome moment has been a bit cheapened in hindsight.

Well, I’m still glad someone is trying to press Deku about the two quirk thing cause last week everyon kinda dropped it. Though Todoroki now is dropping it so...

Well that all aside, Todoroki has actually texted back endeavor. Though its mainly to learn about the flashfire, but hey, baby steps.

Oh you just know Endeavor has been checking his phone every other goddamn minute.

We cut to the UA teachers meeting and they pretty much are done discussing where Shindou will be going.

We see Mic finally say what the fandom has kinda been saying for a while now, Aizawa sees some of himself in Shinsou. Which... Yeah, a super powerful quirk that could be totally used for evil, but you still have something on the inside that makes want to do good. Also, you’re really both pretty surly.

But Mic also asks if SHinsou reminds him of Shirakumo, likely the flame haired guy in Aizawa’s flashback last chapter. And can I take a minute to say I love how Hori likes to foreshadow new character? Because he often doesn’t just drop them in as an individual, but he tends to show them with characters that have already established. Like when Gentle was going through famous villains he mention All for One and Stain, but then mentioned two other guys who will potentially be related to other obstacles. Or like with Overhaul’s gang who first appear during a Twice focused chapter.

Anyway, we cut to Eri who is naturally a little scared of Monoma.

So Monoma was brought here to copy Eri’s quirk, but considering his... everything (I love that line) It might be best that Mirio and Deku be here to.

Monoma explains that he can’t use quirks that accumulates power through converting it, then its basically a dud. Same with Eri here.

Mirio asks why then was Monoma even brought here.

Aizawa says that having Monoma copy it would’ve helped Eri with control and here we go again. Adorable Eri moments.

I wanna take this moment to say Eri’s however, don’t feel like a cheap gimmick to pull at the audience’s heartstrings like other daughteru characters. She actually lived a life of physical and psychological torment and is still haunted it by it. Its not like we have one arc, boom, your cured from depression and can now exist just to do cute shit. So while Eri let go of Overhaul’s psychological grasps, she is still likely holding a lot of self loathing for her powers and what its done to people. So I wanna say that Eri is a great example of the cute young child character with a tragic backstory to make the audience care about protecting her, because she actually really needs it.

I know, kinda a wierd tangent, but with some recent shit in other series, some child characters just seem to exist to be cute after their “tragic” backstory and it bugs me.

And our chapter ends, with Deku giving a vote of confidence that she will one day control her powers and he to vows he’ll do the same.

Post Chapter Follow Up: This chapter was great. Last week I had some issues, mainly because this recent arc kinda has the same problem as the Overhaul arc. Namely, it starts off really strong, has a contender for one of the greatest moments in the series, then a twist out of left field happens and the entire few chapters become a total cluster fuck. Which while last week, we were all happy for Shinsou and Uraraka, but how that arc concluded was still a bit of a disappointment when you saw how it was going before.

This chapter however, was a perfect little epilogue.

Positives are all of the character work from Todoroki and Endeavor, to Deku and All Might’s dynamic shift with the introduction of Bakugou, to Eri and Deku etc. I also wanna say this chapter is full of content, yet it is paced wonderfully.

Nothing feels too long, nothing feels too short. It also manages to start setting some stuff for the future. But nothing so obvious that its like, “This is what the next arc will be about!” no this was a self contained little chapter and I really enjoyed that.

I have no negatives for this chapter. Any that I could think of, I might blame that on more just what came before this chapter, but its nothing that it could fix or change right now.

Final Verdict: 10/10

While I have issues with the last third of the joint exercise arc, this chapter on its own is still a great epilogue to it

Great bits of character

Great bits of development

Hints of foreshadowing

Just all around good

[soft-sarcasm]

PARK CHANYEOL: CATCH FEELINGS.

Pairing: park chanyeol x reader. Genre: fluff, mild angst, lots of running, some use of the weed so yeah. Word count: 2,7k+ a/n: holy moly guys its been too long, i don’t think ive posted anything this year and thats a crime. i really do have a poly!chanbaek series in my drafts but it ain’t even close to be finished, along witht he 12 other wips including a CEO!JUMNYEON one that really put me throughout it while i was writing it. please take this small offering as my humble apology and tell me what you thought if you feel like it, yeah enjoy guys, sorry for the hiatus.

There were plenty things you were talented at; making the perfect cup of coffee, getting your winged eyeliner symmetrical on the first try and always having the most crowd-friendly playlist so that everyone heard something that they could appreciate. One thing that didn't make the list of ‘things you were talented at’ was navigating normal human emotions, especially of the romantic variety. A rather large thing to be left off of the list but there was little you could do to remedy it when your solution for dealing with complex and heavy emotions had always been to shut down and high tail it out of the situation as quickly as possible. It was just how you coped and was probably the reason as to why you had never participated in any sort of relationship with another person aside from ones of a platonic nature and you had only recently become comfortable with the responsibility of just being a friend to someone fairly recently.

Which was why you could literally feel your body preparing to bolt as your brain finally finished processing that this shit was real and you were currently being confessed to the Park Chanyeol.

“So….. what do you say?” Chanyeol finally prompted, taking a small beat of silence to recover from his initial admittance.

The unbridled look of expectancy and emotional transparency in his eyes was making your skin crawl and your palms sweat. What do you say to one of the most unapologetically sincere people after they’ve exposed their most intimate feeling for you to you? Definitely not run for the closest exit without a single word, definitely not that.

Which was why that was definitely what you were currently doing.

You had reached the front door of Chanyeol’s apartment before you even realised you were moving. Completely disregarding all reason and common sense as you yanked open the door, halfway down the stairwell before Chanyeol could even reach the hallway, shouting your name as you kept up your rapid movement. You weren’t even sure where you were going, especially as you hadn’t had the time to ask Chanyeol as to why you were even in his apartment in the first place before he unloaded all that feeling shit onto you.

All you could recall from the previous night was drinking one too many of Baekhyun’s homemade concoctions before nuzzling into Chanyeol’s shoulder, giggles spilling for your lips as you blindly reached for the joint in his hand and then there was nothing, nothing until you were coming to, bundled within the cosy confines of Chanyeol’s bed. You felt slightly ambushed by Chanyeol’s confession to be honest, especially as he knew almost better than anyone just how tender Baekhyun’s cocktail left one the next day and for him to admit that all to you, with such confidence and certainty. From what you could remember you even recalled him making reference to some admittance of your own as if you had been the first to start the emotional vomit train which you most certainly were not. There was no way he had been able to get any of the deep-rooted feelings you had formed for him over the past couple months of your friendship after being introduced at one of Minseok’s house party. There was no fucking way that drunk you would betray sober you that way, drunk and sober you were friends, best friends even, they had each other backs when it came to bullshit like this…..

Fuck.

You were on a street you didn’t recognize, panting as your feet burned from their harsh trapse against the pavement and it was the first time you took notice of your current state; barefoot and in nothing but what you could only assume was a pair of Chanyeol’s boxers and one of his shirts to match. Lucky for you it was only six am on a Sunday which meant most people in the student district for going to be in bed until at least 12pm, a past time you should be taking part in which made you even more frustrated with the situation. What was Chanyeol thinking? Laying all this on you before 8am on a bloody weekend? What had you done to deserve this sort of punishment?

Things between you and Chanyeol had finally smoothed out to the uttermost state of comfort and ease, with you recently falling into the pleasant routine of seeing each other on a daily basis while blatantly ignoring the more than platonic feelings you had for each other. It had been perfect! But now you were under the suspicion that drunk you had gone and ruined all of that by giving Chanyeol the impression that it was somehow okay for your relationship to be escalated. No. You weren’t ready to fuck up things with Chanyeol yet and that’s what always happened when things started getting romantic.

Suddenly emotional dependency would be a thing and your self-esteem was so tightly wired to the other person that if they were doing the slightest thing to injure your self-worth it instantly caused you to fall apart. It was frightening, the amount of responsibility you held for the other person’s emotional state when you were in a  relationship which was why you could never understand those who were able to just jump start into a partnership with another person. Weren’t they worried that they were making themselves too vulnerable? Or weren’t they concerned with the fact that they were now emotionally responsible for another person?

“Shit,” the explicit slipped from your lips before you even comprehended it as you tugged at the roots of your hair in your typical show of stress. “This is bad.”

The elderly lady walking her poodle gave you a bizarre glance as you continued to mutter yourself but you were too personally concerned to muster embarrassment. You did take a moment to imagine what you looked like to any local bystander, quite clearly wearing clothes that did not belong to you or your gender, grabbing your hair like an absolute loon; not to mention the lack of feet coverings, but that wasn’t your main worry right now. You were more focused on trying to summon some sort of recollection from the evening before because your brain had now latched onto something Chanyeol had let slip during his admittance and you couldn’t let it go.

“I wasn’t going to say anything until I was sure you felt the same, but after last night I’m sure.”

Last night, Last night, what the fuck did you say last night?

Only flickers were coming back, like a constant shifting dream. You summoned glimpses of holding onto Chanyeol, of your obnoxiously loud laugh as you found something Baekhyun had said far more entertaining than it actually was of you snuggling into the weight of his arm draped over your shoulders, of your head cradled into his neck as he carried you somewhere, probably to his room where you had woken up only minutes prior. But there were fragments missing and there was a smudged scene you just couldn’t recall as you pressed your fingers to your throbbing temples in an attempt to magically bring it forth for the recesses of your shell shocked bewildered brain.

And then like a wave, it flooded back.

You and Chanyeol were standing outside of one of the many convenience stores that littered the corners of his neighbourhood. Presumably, you had just left Baekhyun’s place and under the further assumption you had stopped for Chanyeol to buy some water for your drunk ass if the water bottle in his hand was anything to go off of. You had been left outside to lean on a pole for the safety of yourself and the contents of the cramped store. During his mission throughout the store, you had been in a heated dispute with the pole, that as most likely a lamp post, had started moving in attempts to shrug you off from your means of support. Fucking asshole.

Upon Chanyeol’s return to collect you, your brain had decided that it was time to just spout everything out.

“Are you serious right now?” Chanyeol gaped, mouth parted in utter disbelief.

You giggled, stumbling in your spot as you reached forward to boop his noise as you struggled to keep yourself from not swaying, “Of course I’m being serious.”

“You’re not fucking with me right?” He further pushed for confirmation, as if what you had just revealed was so absurd that it had to be double checked. “Is really happening right now?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is,” You crooned, absolutely thriving in the grip Chanyeol instantly placed on your forearms to keep you from staggering, “Should I repeat it so you’re sure?”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” He admitted, “I’m having a hard time convincing myself that this isn’t some sort of dream or something.”

“Okay,” Suddenly you were summoning your best impression of sober you, an expression of complete seriousness masking your face as you straightened and stood firm, “I fucking like you Park Chanyeol, in a romantic way, and I would like to be with you, in a romantic way. If you’re cool with that.”

You caught the look of absolute flabbergast on Chanyeol’s face even through your alcohol fogged perception and it made a shrill laugh rumble from your chest as you reached to pinch his cheek, “You’re so fucking handsome you know that? It’s one of the things I like about you, that and everything else, obviously.”

“I can’t believe that this is actually a thing right now.”

“So…. what do you say?”

Chanyeol had never hated the maze-like nature of Seoul neighbourhoods as much as he did right now. There were too many possible turns you might have taken in your unexpected mad dash and he found himself all but sprinting down every viable option that you could have possibly reached in the amount of time since you had sprinted off. He somewhat wished that he had been told just how fucking fast you were when you wanted to get away from something because holy shit one moment you were there and then the next you were just gone.

He knew it was a fucking stupid idea to bombard you with all of that so early in the morning but he couldn’t help it. He had been waiting for some sort of sign that you liked him back for some long so when he finally was given what he had taken as solid, unquestionable evidence he hadn’t been able to stop himself for letting it all at as soon as you showed your first signs of consciousness he. If he had known you were going to react in the way you did, I.e fucking bolting, he would have kept it to himself until at least after a cup of coffee and some weed to mellow out the situation. Instead, he had been an idiot and now he was left to search you, again, like an idiot.

He was on the cusp of giving up now, of resigning himself to the fact that your confession was a moment of drunk madness and you had simply come to your sense and realised that did in fact not fucking like him in a romantic way. He was also prepared to further resign himself to the fact that you were probably now too freaked out and would most likely never speak to even again which would result in him moping around for a while before having to eventual move on and suffer the awkwardness of seeing you at group gathering.

And then he saw you, still half dressed in his clothes, shoeless and squat down on the step of an apartment building with the most concerned expression on your face that he had ever seen. He was almost tempted to turn back, to avoid the discomfort and embarrassment that would ensue during the course of this conversation.

I’m sorry Chanyeol, I was drunk, I don’t actually feel that way about you.

And he wouldn’t even be able to be mad at you because hell he had said plenty of things that he didn’t mean while drunk. For example, the time he tried to seduce Baekhyun into sleeping with him after one too many soju bombs, only to wake up the next morning thoroughly glad that his friend had taken a pass because he wasn’t 'into Chanyeol that way,’ a wounding comment but a relief in retrospect.

But this needed to be done, this needed to be solved so you could both move on with your lives. So Chanyeol took a deep breath and uttered your name.

Your reaction was immediate, head snapping up from its hunch as your eyes widened to saucers and you scrambled to your bare feet.

“Chanyeol,” You spoke in a similar flustered fashion as he minimised the space between you two.

“Hi,” He responded as you simply blinked at him.

There was a beat of silence as you both just stared at one another before you were both compelled to speak.

“I’m sorry, let’s just forget about it-”

“I say yes-”

It was only a moment after Chanyeol had spoken his own apology that his brain actually realised what you had said. Yes. Yes to what? To never seeing him again? Yes, you didn’t feel the same? Or yes to his previous question.

Do you want to be with me?

“I’m sorry,” He repeated but this time for a completely separate purpose of you clarifying yourself, “What?”

“I say yes,” You reaffirmed, more confidence in your tone this time around. “I do want to be with you.”

“Are you serious?” Chanyeol felt as if last night was simply repeating itself as he gaped at you.

“Yes. I’m serious. Though I have to warn you I’m not really good at this whole romantic thing and holy fuck I’m absolutely terrified right now but I also know that I really fucking like you and I think it’s time that I stop being afraid of that and that I actually just fucking try something for once in my-”

He couldn’t help but reach out for your, hand finding a gentle perch on your forearm so that you actually looked him in the eye instead of the pavement you had suddenly found extremely interesting. “Thank you.”

Confusion flashed through your eyes, “For what?”

“For deciding that I was worth trying.”

“What do you mean worth trying?” You scoffed back, “You’re more than worth it, you deserve way fucking more than my dysfunctional, the emotionally stunted ass can give you, really I should be the one thanking you because reall-”

You were cut off by the plush of Chanyeoul’s lips against yours, a cliche move to silence your rambling but one you instantly reciprocated as heat bloomed in your chest. You hadn’t fully realised just how much you had been aching for this until now until there was suddenly a purr of content coming from the cavity that pumped blood throughout your body and never failed to tell you where you were flustered or overwhelmed.

It felt like eons later and yet not long enough when Chanyeol finally pulled back, a smile on his lips, “Are you done running away now?”

A snorted laugh escaped you as you rolled your eyes, “For now at least.” You reached up to yet again boop his nose, “got keep things exciting somehow.”

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Beth!

You have been accepted for the role of SIRIUS BLACK with the faceclaim of Jade Hassoune! We really enjoyed your discussion of Sirius’ relationships, particularly how his adult relationships (both negative and positive) have shaped his life. We also loved his biases and privileges section and thought it showed both strengths and flaws! We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Beth

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE: CST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I do work full time, but having a strong writing community is important to me and something that I actively make time for. Even on a bad week, I’ll check in at least two or three times to write, and I try to be around when I can to check the dash and talk even if I don’t have time for a reply. Also, I am that person who goes on semi-hiatus during a particular season and still tries to make regular activity because it’s important to me to try and stay on top of owed replies.

ANYTHING ELSE: I have no major triggers or squicks.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Sirius Black

AGE: 21

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-male, He/Him. Sirius is bisexual, and while it isn’t something he hides, it also isn’t something he advertises. He’s been accused of being willing to flirt with anything that moves. While he finds that accusation unfair, he knows it’s not always untrue.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: I would like to request an FC change to Jade Hassoune. I have a few reasons for this. The lazy one is that I already have gifs for him. That said, I think he can bring an interesting range for Sirius because some of his gifs are a little more brooding while others are big and expressive. He has a certain edge to most of the characters he has played that can work for situations where Sirius is being defiant or stubborn. I also like that because he is a person of color, it continues the tradition of taking what JKR gave us and making it more diverse. Plus, he has the hair (well, had) and effortless looks Sirius is known for.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Sirius has always been too big for some people to handle, and his response has always been that it isn’t his problem. Toning himself down for a situation is easier said that done, especially given Sirius’ tendency to speak first and think after. That impulsiveness has been there since he was young, and it can be a big disadvantage to him, especially when combined with his stubbornness. Sirius will say something without thinking of consequences, then dig in his heels about whatever it was rather than admit he might be wrong. This also means that he’ll sometimes go in-depth with planning for something that started out as a joke comment. He doesn’t know when to quit.

Choosing to instead focus on the positive, Sirius would argue that he isn’t impulsive but rather instinctual. He doesn’t always think things through before he does them, but that has worked out well for him, especially during duels.

Sirius would consider himself incredibly loyal, but the shadow side of that might be that Sirius can be a bit possessive. He makes strong assumptions that such loyalty will always be reciprocated, and he has a hard time understanding when that isn’t the case.

It frustrates him greatly that it feels like people around him focus on his flaws and don’t appreciate his strengths because he’s a fairly gifted duelist and fast thinker. Plus, his transfiguration skills are pretty great. Sirius never had to study in school because things came easy to him, and now that he’s out of school, it seems like everyone else is still “studying” at war when Sirius just wants to make a decision and go do.

Sirius doesn’t have a lot of patience for time or for people. When he gets frustrated or otherwise emotionally overwhelmed, it tends to make him rash and angry. Sirius would respond to one of his friends getting hurt, for example, by shouting at whoever their patrol partner was that should have been protecting them. He knows he’s no diplomat, but Sirius spent his formative years purposefully being the opposite. He can’t suddenly change it now.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: (child abuse tw, but it’s minimally referenced)

Sirius spent his early days fighting against anything and everything. His father was once someone Sirius looked up to, but he doesn’t remember a time now of it being fondly. Instead Orion was someone to look at with fear, someone to flinch away from when he raised his voice or his hand. Sirius didn’t always know what he did wrong in those early days, but he quickly learned that sometimes it was better to be wrong on purpose because at least it felt earned. His mother was just as bad but in different ways. Sirius tended to hear her screaming more often, but he flat out ran once when he was nine because he knew one of her punishments was coming. Walburga was more creative than her husband, but she was also more of a perfectionist. Thanks to her, Sirius felt policed constantly.

His only shelter in those days was Regulus. Most days it was the two of them against the world.  They didn’t always publicly get along, especially when Sirius’ antics landed them both in trouble. Still, they had each other on nights when it hurt to be alone or the nightmares crept in. They could sit side by side in the dark and whisper about what life would be like someday  when they had magic of their own. Hogwarts changed everything for Sirius, and while that was mostly positive, it unfortunately meant that he lost Regulus. He couldn’t talk to his brother anymore; the language was gone. Even over the summers, things could never be the same. When Sirius ran away, he didn’t even tell Regulus he was going (although to be fair, he didn’t realize he was until a moment blew up too big with his parents to ever turn back). While he spent the rest of the summer wishing he had, the two didn’t even look at each other when they were first in the Great Hall together again at school. That childhood bond felt like it had finally severed completely.

The one person who seemed to humor Sirius at family events when he was young was Uncle Alphard, who always stuck out just a little bit. Sirius remembered hearing whispered about how Alphard was ‘peculiar,’ which wouldn’t have been a problem, except that he wouldn’t put duty first and produce an heir, which was a problem to a family as obsessed with legacy as the Blacks. Sirius had loved to hide in his shadow to avoid Orion and Walburga. He died a year after Sirius ran away, but Sirius had never imagined he’d be left Alphard’s fortune.

He immediately tried to use that fortunate to try and pay back the Potters for taking him in. While he’d suspected they wouldn’t accept anything, it choked up Sirius that they insisted that would be taking money from family. In many ways, Sirius considers James as much a brother as Regulus. Maybe they didn’t have the childhood history, but they had the important stuff. They had shared values and adventures, similar ideas and likeminded attitudes. At least they used to. Some days Sirius isn’t sure he knows who James is anymore. He doesn’t know what happened to the carefree James he used to know. Regardless, he isn’t about to let him go the way he once did Regulus.

OCCUPATION: 

Employee at Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour—Sirius has some money left from his uncle’s inheritance, but he needed something to keep him busy. He has toyed with applying for the Auror training program, but Sirius rationalized that he can do more for the Order with a less specific work schedule. Plus, he is aware of his own authority issues and feels like that might not be the best option to push himself at the Ministry with everything else going on. The job might not seem very punk rock, but working for Florean gives him something to do, people to interact with, and a fairly easy schedule to slide around.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Sirius has always been a bit self-absorbed about his role within the Order. He has always known he’d never make the inner circle, but he hadn’t wanted to. In school, Sirius had cultivated a careful rebel-without-a-cause attitude. He has a cause now, but he’s still a rebel first and foremost. Of course, Sirius is fighting for muggles and muggleborns. They just aren’t his first priority. Sirius’ first priority is fighting against the pureblood society he was raised in because he sees nothing good about it. The two causes aren’t necessarily the same thing. He often feels frustrated by the lack of progress because it feels like the people he grew up resenting just continue to grow more powerful. He sees no progress for the real cause nor progress for his own. Much of the time, Sirius would like to just do something big. If they can’t make progress, he’d like to at least make a statement, but he doesn’t even seem to be able to do that. Too much fine print in what’s supposed to be vigilante justice.

SURVIVAL:

If you asked Sirius what his plan was for tomorrow, he’d says the present is all that matters. That’s how he lives his life in most aspects. No matter what the war looks like, Sirius doesn’t look forward and see a bleak future because he doesn’t think that far away.

Right now, he’s living in an apartment that’s technically in Muggle London but as close to the Leaky Cauldron as he could find. He lives there alone and likes that only one of his neighbors complains about the loud music. He prefers muggle music, but the occasional wizarding rock album is similar enough to not give anyone pause. Sirius can mostly cook for himself, although his cooking does tend to be a bit basic. He can do pasta and protein with the occasional veggie when he feels like he has to. He can, though, make a mean cocktail, and that’s a skill Sirius has used often.

RELATIONSHIPS:

James was the first person Sirius had ever really found that understood him completely and totally. He saw James as this magnetic person he always wanted to have around. As they got older, things shifted, but Sirius never wants to lose that. Right now he feels like James is beginning to pull away and leave him behind. For what, Sirius isn’t sure. Stuffy meetings and worrying about people who take you for granted seems ridiculous to Sirius, but he tries not to say anything. James might act the part, but Sirius knows deep down he has to still be the same person. But Sirius has lost a brother before because of growing differences. He doesn’t want to do it again.

Remus is something that Sirius has always admired and thought the best of. Lately things have changed as Remus seems to make choices that Sirius doesn’t understand, and he also can’t figure out if they’re actually Remus’ choices or things being dictated to him. Sirius doesn’t like the idea that Remus is spending all his time around werewolves and wanna-be Death Eaters. Sirius doesn’t trust it and doesn’t like that Remus doesn’t have anyone with him to have his back. Lately he’s had a nagging thought that he wants to push down. If Remus won’t talk about it, what isn’t he saying? What’s going on when the Order isn’t around? Some days Sirius is afraid to find out. Others he can’t believe himself for ever doubting.

Then there’s Peter. Sirius has always suspected he’s too loud for Peter, too much. But Peter has been a loyal friend for years, always there when Sirius needs him. Lately he doesn’t see Peter as much, and while that’s hard, at least Sirius doesn’t have to worry about who he’s with. Peter’s too smart to accept a mission that sends him undercover among people with sharp dark magic skills and sharper tongues.

Lately Sirius has become enamored with the things Dorcas says, enjoying the lack of care in her voice. He remembers those days. He remembers when he wasn’t trying to temper himself to help James keep an image. She seems to agree with his frustration about the lack of progress. Her methods perhaps seem questionable, but in Sirius’ experience, the best things in life often do. He wishes the rest of his friends would remember that.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

I ship chemistry above all else. I really like the idea of potentially exploring an m/m relationship with Sirius but am really just open to whatever comes up with a partner of any gender identity. The only specific ship I am mildly interested in is Sirius/Remus, but looking at the bio materials, the at-odds angle seems like it will be much more fun.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Sirius grew up being taught that muggles were inherently primitive and uncivilized, despite the neighbors sharing their very walls at 12 Grimmauld Place being muggles. He learned pretty quickly to fix his own perspective on that in school, especially when surrounded by supposedly inferior magic users like Lily who were so gifted. It was one more reason his parents were wrong, and Sirius did so love when his parents were wrong.

He had a harder time wrapping his head around the idea that not everyone could just decide to  be something different than what they were used to. Sirius always had a safety net to catch them when he was about to fall. When the final straw hit and he ran away from home, he had the Potter household to turn to, an equally pureblood, equally rich family who had the means to take him in. At a critical point when he needed his own money, Sirius received his inheritance from Alphard’s passing. Sirius has always managed to bounce up when he was at a crossroads that could have ended disastrously. The idea that someone else could be in a tricky situation with an “obvious right choice” and choose wrong because they didn’t have the resources to choose right is completely foreign to Sirius.

This sense of choice also fits into Sirius’ opinions on werewolves. He’d grown up hearing they were nothing but savage monsters, but Remus had never seemed that way. Once the other Marauders had become animagi, Sirius saw the full moons as proof that while Remus as a werewolf was wild, he was still Remus in some ways. They needed a different form, but the wolf didn’t attack them on sight. The knowledge, though flawed, gave Sirius a strong believe that the choices Remus and any other werewolf made on a full moon could be changed with the right leadup and decisions.

Back on the subject of muggles, Sirius has tried to embrace muggle culture, but he’s done so in a way that almost borders on fetish. He has spent time in muggle spaces, but it’s usually bars, movies, and other places that give him some kind of entertainment or satisfaction. He’s embraced muggle transportation, even if it did mean tweaking the motorcycle as soon as he bought it. Sirius would like to believe he has completely understood muggle culture, but in some ways he still holds on to that muggles-are-primitive mindset without realizing it. He doesn’t think they’re lesser; he just only pays attention to the things that can be of use to him.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I love the concept of it being just the Order and the nuances that come from that. In the books, we see glimpses of just how much friction for the organization we see in Harry’s time. I can only imagine the first time around when not everyone believed he could be beaten. Everyone has a slightly different agenda, and since this rp focuses so specifically on the good, it means more time to devote to complicating what that means.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: 

I have no specific ideas, although it would be interesting to see Sirius having to deal with family-related consequences, whether that’s something like dealing with Orion’s death eventually or maybe the consequences of something anti-muggle/pro-Death Eater that his parents sponsored or created.

ANYTHING ELSE: Not that I can think of!