#but i honestly feel like this blog is going to slowly transition into something like that.

[kikibridges13]

Dancing With Your Ghost | Chapter 9's Medical Breakdown

Chapter 9 here.

Full story here.

Hoo boy this was an easy one to write out, but rough on me emotionally. What you see in this chapter is almost a step-by-step of what I got to witness each day for 6 weeks.

Actually, for me, it was about 8.5 weeks, due to the weather, holidays, and being so damn sick, I was admitted to the hospital about a week before Thanksgiving because my gallbladder decided around that it was going to show it's ass in the middle of all that.

This is an excerpt from the blog that I had kept during that time.

Today's office visit was almost painless. It first started with a 12 minute video on what to expect for Radiation Therapy – which all I could think about during the entire thing was how they could have done certain scenes and transitions differently (my degree has officially ruined me. I'm critiquing medical videos now). However, I did pay attention enough to take in what all would be done, which according to their five steps (consultation, set up, simulation, therapy, and post check-up), I'm onto step three.   Today was set-up. First starting with making a mold of my teeth, which will help the doctors make sure that they are treating the same spot each time. While I was biting down on that disgusting putty for five minutes (which almost six hours I can still taste. Blegh.), a nurse was marking three places on my face that would also help make sure everything was aligned each time during radiation. Okay, I guess I could handle having three tiny blue spots on my face for six weeks. And then she pulled out a needle.   Suddenly I'm not liking this idea anymore. Apparently, these marks only show up under a some sort of blacklight or laser beam because I haven't noticed anything largely noticeable. But the nurse dabbed some kind of ink onto the spots she had made with a sharpie, then used the need to push the ink into my skin.   How do people in prison set there and have tattoos done slowly that way? Because those three needle pokes were enough to make me want to run. Or just wince in pain since that wasn't an option. Good thing I was biting down on something during that.   After those were done, I had to have a mask made that would make sure that I wasn't going to move duri\ng the treatment. It looks like a fencing mask that comes down on the bridge of your nose and has to be stretched to go over your head. So once they had it warm enough to stretch, it was placed on my head and stretched, then locked into CT machine. This is where I felt like the Man in the Iron Mask. I definitely had no room to move, so the thing had done its job. Then they did their CT test, and I was finally free.  

My next blog post would be a month later, because what happens to Buck at the end of the chapter somewhere happened to me. As soon as my first treatment ended, not only did I have that constant nauseous feeling all the way home (and I lived an hour and a half away from the hospital I had to go to for treatments, so I was having to make a 3 hour round trip every day for a whole 10 minute treatment), but I had a constant dull headache the entire time. My parents ended up going to work - they had a second shift job at the time - and about 8 hours after that first treatment, I had a headache as tense we see Buck have. I didn't lose consciousness, but honestly that would have been better than 4 hours of intense pain. My parents came home, took me to the ER, and they gave me a shot of painkillers and sent me on my way.

And then I experienced the same thing the next, including actually sickness and extreme hydration.

But we'll see more of that in the next few chapters.

[umichenginabroad]

Madrid Week 6: The Honeymoon Phase

Hola a todxs ‼️‼️ Niko here again, and welcome back to week 6’s blog of my study abroad experience in Madrid. This post is a little more text/personal reflection heavy. We'll get to some more fun stuff next week :).

This past week was filled mainly with schoolwork and cooking — not too much exploration of the city — and I stuck mainly to my established routes between home and university. However, looking forward, I think that this routine will be significant in my international experience, too.

For the first few weeks living here, I got out as much as possible and tried my best to take advantage of everything Madrid had to offer. Trying all the cute cafes, seeing all the tourist attractions, exploring new neighborhoods, going out to all the clubs. But now that I’ve been here for a month and a half, it feels a bit like I’m actually ‘living’ here, and less like some kind of extended vacation. 

I actually have schoolwork to do now — projects, papers, presentations — and that leaves me much less time to simply exist. I think I can take that as both a blessing and a curse. For one, it’s a curse, because in reality, I would love to just skip around Madrid all week without any responsibilities, who wouldn’t? 

But now, I think I’m living more like how a student would who’s here year round. Let’s be honest — are Michigan students constantly going around Ann Arbor, discovering all the little nooks and crannies, experiencing all the most hyped up spots and exploring all the paths less traveled? Not really. Maybe I’ll hit the Kerrytown farmers market or the Blind Pig on a weekend, but honestly that’s few and far in between. Majority of my weekends at Michigan are spent around campus and at home.

I don’t want to say we’ve “become complacent” with Ann Arbor, because that inherently has a negative connotation. But we’ve certainly gotten used to living in this city, and simultaneously have tons of other things on our plate that we’ve got to attend to. Things aren’t as shiny and exciting as they were the first month of freshman year, and we simply have less time. It feels like something similar is happening here in Spain, for both reasons (although maybe to a lesser extent — I still have more free time than I do in Michigan, and Madrid is still, well, Madrid, Spain. Not quite like Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA). 

Now, my perspective of Madrid has shifted slightly, and with it my experience. Maybe one could say my “honeymoon phase” is over, but to be honest, I haven’t really started to find a lot of things I really dislike about the city. Things are just a little more like real life, which I think I'll end up being happy for.

As some of you may know, I studied abroad over the summer after my freshman year in Buenos Aires. That program lasted 6 weeks, and I stayed an extra with my parents after the program ended. School wasn’t as demanding, and I had ample free time all week. Those six weeks were incredible. It was my first time living outside of the United States for an extended period of time, my first time ever living in a big city, my first time immersed in another language and culture completely different from my own. 

Upon reflection, I think my ‘honeymoon phase’ lasted all 7 weeks of my experience in Buenos Aires. And now, I’m reaching week 7 here in Madrid. I’ll be here for a total of 15.

My experiences in Buenos Aires and Madrid have been similar in a lot of ways. The architecture of the cities, the language, the general warmth of the people and culture. Simultaneously, they’ve been different in more ways than I can count, and I think a big one I'm slowly transitioning into will be due to the amount of time that I have here.

Now, I’m left with an awareness of the challenge that comes with living in a foreign city, in a culture completely different from my own. In a class that I’m currently taking, 'Social groups and their cultural imaginaries', we had a lesson on Italo Calvino’s Invisible Cities. One of the main themes of the book: Our interpretation of a city or landscape is based on how we are feeling, or what we want at that particular moment.

How will my experience of this city change with my perception and feelings towards it? What will I desire then, and what do I desire now? How will I interact with Madrid in week 15? How will that be different from week 1?

How will I continue to adapt to Spanish culture? What pieces of US culture will I still be holding on to, and what pieces of my identity will change?

Will I continue to find excitement and novelty in this place in week 15, or will I have to make an active effort to do so? Will living in Madrid at week 15 feel like living in Ann Arbor, or Arlington VA? Or are the places and cultures so different that the experience will never be comparable?

Will this lifestyle be something that I want to continue, or will I find that I’m most comfortable in the culture and community I grew up with?

I’ve asked a lot of questions here, most of which I have no semblance of an answer to. Some of them are small, some of them are pretty big. I’ll plan on coming back to this blog, maybe in week 15, maybe in a post-reflection — and I’ll try to answer as many of them as I can. Just writing them here increases my awareness, which enables more active reflection and growth in my day-to-day life.

One action item I’ve realized after writing this blog: I need to start taking a more active effort during the week to continue appreciating Madrid for all it has to offer me. At first, it came really naturally, but now, it’s harder. Moreover, as I’ll be traveling around Europe for the next few weekends, I’ll have less chances to experience Madrid without the pressure of everyday life squeezing around me.

Taking an active effort means giving myself more opportunities to be mindful, present, and appreciative of the environment I’m in. That includes waking up earlier and trying to establish more of a schedule with schoolwork, which will give me time to do things like going out on walks to take photos in the morning, or finding a new bar to enjoy a drink at during the evenings. Also, I hope to start meditating again — which has been something that has served as a point of stability for me throughout college.

Transition periods are never easy, and I've found myself in one yet again. The best advice I can give myself for now is to remain appreciative and accepting of all of the everything lives throws me, knowing that each one is an opportunity for growth — and I'll come out the other side more experienced, wise, and grateful that it happened.

In other news, this week I saw Dune 2 (highly recommend, ESPECIALLY in IMAX), kept cooking, and did a good amount of studying. Also, this past weekend I went to Italy (for the first time ever) and spent the weekend with an old friend. I’m headed to Sevilla this weekend, and I’ll detailing both a little more in next week's blog. Wishing everyone a happy hump day and a strong finish to the week.

Hasta pronto,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

[acti-veg]

Hello Acti-veg! Im a big fan of ur blog. Ik ur no Vegan prophet/guru or anything, but i could really use another vegan to talk to. I'm vegan and also I have been trying to live as low waste a lifestyle as possible. Growing my own food included. My mom, despite my best efforts, refuses to go vegan. In fact she is a staunch Anti-vegan. Her doctor told her to go plant-based, her health is failing bc of her diet, and refused to change. But she's a stubborn until proven wrong type.

She made a huge fuss about how useless growing our own food was, but through ignoring her and making an effort, and successfully harvesting, I convinced her that growing food was a good idea, and have slowIy started including more vegetables and water into her diet. She expressed interest in backyard hen keeping. I always wanted to adopt rescue chickens, I could give them a good life, spay them so they dont have to be egg machines, and the manure/ free roaming habits for eating bugs could help around the garden and give them enrichment, and I briefly considered the option. But I know that Veganism is about harm reduction, condemning, and reducing the reliance on animal exploitation as far as possible of Human and Non-human animals.

I thought that by eating yard eggs as opposed to grocery store eggs I could explain the conditions of factory farm animals, and then teach her about the impact it causes on animals even locally, and then spay the hens properly. But it still feels shitty on the end of the hens..

I feel like by trying to get my mom to slowly transition to veganism full stop, I would be making non-vegan decisions along the way, but if I do nothing, I would have wasted the opportunity to make another activist and save more animals in the longterm, i was wondering what ur thoughts on it may be? Or anyone in the comments

I can totally appreciate the dilemma here, but honestly I think you may be taking on the responsibility of her choices a little too much. I could be wrong, but it sounds like you're taking her failure to reduce her harm as a personal failure, and therefore determining that it's up to you to directly change her behaviour.

I think that is probably how you have arrived at this dilemma - you are wanting to reduce her harm to the extent that you're willing to put yourself through something you'd not only find uncomfortable, but would actively go against your own ethics. You can advocate, you can provide opportunities for her to do better, but it's really not up to you to provide her with less harmful animal products.

Besides, I think it's an assumption that her having backyard hens would be more likely to lead her to veganism - in my experience, welfarism is not on the same continuum as abolitionism, one doesn't lead to the other. She will still think of animals as essentially there to provide things for her benefit, she will just also think they should be treated well while doing so, which she probably already believes.

I share that impulse to try to help those around you see the truth you have arrived at, and to some extent that is our duty as vegans and activists. However, you can't take on the burden of their choices as your own, and you shouldn't compromise your own principles to lessen someone else's harm.

Personally I'd take a third option - tell her you'd like backyard hens too, you think it'd be great to save some battery hens, but you'll be looking after their health by preventing them from laying, because that is the responsible thing to do given the health impact. You coul still educate her if she chooses to go down this route. See where she lands on that, but either way, I really don't think it's on you to try to make the animal products she consumes more ethical - that way you really would be making her choices your own.

If you'd like to chat this through more with another vegan then please feel free to message me - my inbox is always open.

[fairy-mewmew]

January Review

Okay, so I'm getting pretty close to the end of the month. I think I've done pretty good for January. I haven't done everything on my vision board, but I feel pretty close to it. I think I did a pretty good job and the visuals helped out a ton.

This was my monthly goals spread. I thought it would be so cute to draw everything out and really visualize what I wanted to do for myself this month. I'm really proud of this spread and referred back to it often. This is so unheard of me to. I really do only visit entries in my journals if they look pretty, so I have to draw them out in order to keep goals.

I did all of the candles I have set and I am hoping to finish up my last candle by the end of this month. I feel that once I have the chicken done, everything really will just be do damn easy. Though, I haven't fixed any pillar candles that I can remember off the top of my head. Maybe one reversal candle, but I just burn through my 7 day candles really slowly now. They usually take a month or so. It doesn't help that all my ritual oils went bad. I've been meaning to remake them with jojoba oil so they have a longer shelf time, but it's just getting around to it. Might even rework my oil recipes. I think I'll have to make oils one of my goals for next month.

I've cooked a green curry this month and I'm so proud of myself. I really did just have to cook more simple things. I feel that once I let go of being perfect and cooking from scratch, I didn't feel as scared to cook. I still haven't cooked a whole bunch but I look forward to making so many more delicious things. Also, I made pink Buldak taste absolutely amazing. I'm proud of myself for that! I think next month I want to make one recipe a week minimum. My boyfriend and I have designated a day for us to go out on a date, why can't I do one to make a super yummy meal from (kinda) scratch once a week.

My boyfriend is on a diet/ work out regime, so I've been working out at least once a week. It makes me so happy to know that I'm actually getting a work out in, even if I'm just starting off with it once a week. I'm pretty happy with at least once a week. Sometime we do more, but once a week really does bring me joy. I never thought I would have ever been this consistent with working out. I'll have to keep it up!

My boyfriend and I have been really making progress on cleaning and organizing our room. It finally feels like a cozy room that we can truly rest in. There are a still a few more things we need to organize in the room, but damn does it look good! I'm so proud of us. And while we have a lot of things to organize in such a small space, I'm feeling good about it. I'm so excited for that gaming pc we just got. Can't wait to get everything set up and pretty! I'm really going to feel like a gamer girl! Ehehehe! So next month will be dedicated to

As far as making art goes, I did not make any jewelry. I just couldn't bring myself to sculpt. I really was not feeling it. I did make some 7 day candles though! I'll have to post pictures and talk about it later. I also just did not work too much on my website. I really do like the ease of using Tumblr to blog. It's just so easy and streamline. Might use my website for more finished projects and things. I still love coding though and I want to get a lot better at it. I also have so many ideas for my site I want to implement, but I am just going to need a lot more time and knowledge to work on it. Can't wait show y'all when I really get something running. But for now, I just want to focus on Tumblr and maybe Tik Tok/ Youtube.

Okay, and I know I said I wanted to start a Youtube account, but I have yet to do it. It was honestly just a big leap for me and I am not ready for that type of commitment yet. I have been posting reels on Instagram though and that's been a ton of fun. Just raw, unedited yaps. It's such a good time! Think I might try making tik toks and transitioning into YouTube. Also, I've been on the fence about what to focus on or if I should just go off and yap about whatever. It's easy to make a billion blogs on here about all my different things and interest, but not so much when it comes to making a social media account. I don't want to keep up with all those emails. Regardless, I just want to be a pretty girl who talks about whatever makes her happy. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Okay, I've been putting off sending out my pen pal mail. BUUUT I've been exploring journal styles though. I really want the new ipad mini, but I took of the dingy case on my ipad and I fell back in love with it. I really do think that I should try digital journaling. Gives me more resources to work with and I think it would be so fun!

February Goals Draft

Just a little reference when I start planning my February Goals

Work on all my Tumblr Blogs

Try Tik Tok/ YouTube content

Remake ritual oils

Stock Etsy Shop consistently

Make a shop newsletter

Cook a meal out of my cookbooks once a week

Clean the house

Set up gamer PC

Go through massage textbook

Try digital journaling

Put on a super cute fit at least once a week (including make up)

Read through books

Play through games

Work on ancestor veneration and protection (maybe post my journal??)

Make 3 products a week for the shop

Send my pen pals their letter, rip

[elaichoi]

tw: bit of discussion on mental health [diagnoses]; talks of depression/major depressive disorder, [social] anxiety, panic disorder, mention of agoraphobia, god idek tbh im sorry

YES LOL THEY WERE ANNOYING TO DO BUT $5 GIFTCARDS N SHIT ^_^ nooo i almost never did the surveys cus i get random emails and thats annoying and they also take forever,, so i only did the ones where u have to download whatever app (usually a game) they tell u to, use it for x amt of seconds/minutes (i forget) and u go back to the app and it gives u points or whatever that u redeem for giftcards! that's how i got superimpose actually 😭 edit tutorial accs would promote their code for that app/site (i don't remember what its called im not gatekeeping i swear) bc using their code gives both u and them extra points,,, and i wanted superimpose so i gave it a try and well what do u know 🥰🥰

my mental health story is kind of long and redundant and not that exciting so i shall spare u,,, well actually i rewrote this 383299 times bc i ended up trauma dumping i think... so um basics i got depressed my freshman yr of highschool, time skip- got diagnosed w depression, generalized anxiety disorder & agoraphobia, which the agoraphobia turned to be a misdiagnosis and i went somewhere else and got rediagnosed w panic disorder. child of a generational trauma that my asian parents do not think exist🫶 i alr knew a lot (90%) of my anxiety was social anxiety but i did not receive that diagnosis until this year. i lost my panic disorder diagnosis yay! andddd also got a diagnosis for major depressive disorder which was kind of an 'ohhhh' moment for me bc a lot of times i felt like antidepressants made me a lot better i felt cured lmfao i was hardly ever depressed,, except i sometimes get depressive episodes and im still struggling w the symptoms of depression that is not depression itself...if that makes sense...those symptoms being memory issues!! quick act surprised!! focus issues, i procrastinate a lot now.... which is important bc before all of this i was a very.. is high-functioning the right term? i genuinely dk if that's a term im supposed to be using,, but basically i was like top of the class student, always on-time and organized, never procrastinated, always remembered everything, i guess kinda type A personality lmao,,,, and now i am not 😃

im probably forgetting some other key stuffs but its okie,,,,, probably irrelevant but ive always been a fairytale hopeless romantic except a dumb long-term relationship got thrown into the middle and peak of my mental health mess (who told me that was a good idea 👺) has made me v antiromantic if u will 💀💀 i girlbossed myself into thinking im wise emotionally but i honestly am v v naive and sensitive and i will be a crybaby if snri's allow me to at that moment 👍

i used to be v smart but im kinda v dumb now but im also kinda trying to get back up again bc i feel? like im slowly improving in general? idk tbh,,, idk what im doing 😁

erm im v sorry this was very mentally unseggsy of me 😗 can u tell i have no concept of oversharing im so sorry for clogging your feed, qiwis followers pls forgive 🙇‍♀️

wbu? same question u asked me on mental health n cognitive functions ^^ only if ur comfortable answering ofc!

i think u could do it if u rlly wanted to, again u talent/hobby vacuum 👺 /j maybe like for blog milestone or something would be an excuse for a one-time video edit then you wouldn't have to continue if u don't want to ? hmm

whenever i didn't have ideas i would like choose a specific edit i rlly liked and use the same audio and like ""recreate"" it (not to post, its just for me & practice purposes lol). like the editor wouldve already split the audio for transitions and stuff so you can split your audio according to the transitions in their edit and add ur own clips over top. u can try to imitate their transitions or do ur own or whatever. i like doing that to practice bc it gives me somewhere to start! idk that's what worked for me personally,, just an idea for if u ever feel up for it no pressure!!

i don't think i could get into the video editing scene again bc i would want to progress to be a good editor and be confident ab my edits but capcut makes me insecure lol bc if everybody can do it then why should i take the time to grow and progress 😗 (that makes me sound like a pick me but again.. its similar to like ai replacing real working humans yk..😭😭)

my relationship ramble thingy ^ means that i also i love angst and making myself cry 😍😍🫦🫰 crack anything is 1000% your brand ‼️

omg yea real life inspo for ur reincanation aus ☺️ ehehe BUT YAY I LOOK FORWARD TO UR REPLIES SM HAVE UR NOTIFS ON LOLL i love talking to u! <3 consentual kisses! ^_^

wait....did we get engaged and/or married here,,,,,,,, on ur nsfw acct FJDJSK😭💀

oh my god i never tried that but i think there were some apps fr that were like ah yes get this free version and then watch a few ads and get one or two watermark free edits per day. BROOO THSI BRINGS BACK SO SO SO MANY MEMORIES!! (i think i rarely did that bc i was one lazy mf also vindictive so i did what i could to work with free apps)

life really tossed you like a salad damn baby I'm sorry you had to go through all that LIKE YOU COULDN'T CATCH A BREAK oh my god bro it seems like you kinda burned out? if that makes sense? because im sure a lot of things were expected of you ( asian parents here too also BRO THEY DONT think trauma EXISTS!) im glad you're getting better bit by bit HERE'S TO GETTING EVEN BETTER IN THE UPCOMING DAYS!!! we will kick mental illness's ass together lmao!

tbh third world country so never really got diagnosed properly but like most of my time i was suffering from. depression i was gaslit into thinking I'm just being whiny and uts not depression and because of this i developed repressive emotions where NOW it's my own turn where i refuse to acknowledge any kind of shit that happened to me like theres a sense of embarrassment where i can't like outright say like yeah this, and this happened to me because I don't anyone's "pity" and some huge ass shit happened to my family which made me haha something i cant say on here but im like over that now ( lol i need to go therapist for this) but yeah OH and I get the depressive episodes because i get that too oh my god like for weeks but my best friend once gave me, like just feel the emotions and let it pass like sure it will feel like a tractor running u over but it will get over and then one day you will take that shower and brush ur hair and feel a lil better!!!!

ooh but LIKE TUMBLR video platform sucks ass but i really like the idea omg i will think it through!!!

BRO NO WAY CAUSE I DID THAT TOO BUT LIKE WITH edits lmao but you're so freaking TALENTED DO YOU KNOW THAT?! i will have to try it I think with all thr tiktok edit trends now it's become easier to do those things i actualky tried to do some of it for my friends bday and it's coming up again so ill have to try!!!

okay but even if capcut exists which I think in a way is kind of good for people who loved editing but couldn't edit bc they couldn't work with, or afford fancy softwares yk but you can't deny the polishness that alight motion or vs will give you. you can't outdo the doer 💅🏼💅🏼 so you really should give it a try!!

you're SO SWEET I LOOK FORWARD SM TO YOUR ANONS TOO LIKE I ONLY COME HERE TO CHECK FOR YOUR ANONS LMAO i love talking to you too 🤭🤭

we're already married,, yes on nsfw kinda on theme don't you think so??

[thimblediaries]

It’s been so long.

Hey, it’s been so long since I’ve updated this blog.

Anyway, just droppin’ by to say I’m alive. It’s more than 3 years already since the pandemic started and I thank God that I’m still breathing. The last post I had on this blog was “Out of Shape”, that was me reflecting on how I gained weight and how it doesn’t make me happy at all. I’ve moved back to my apartment November of 2020 because of work and apartment concerns. So back to living without the fam.

So what happened for the past few years?

Weight loss journey.

Church community.

New Hobby & community.

Mental health.

Work stuff.

Wardrobe update.

Loving myself.

Weight Loss Journey

I tried to loose some weight, it was quite a successful one. I started mid November of 2020 from 139 lbs I lost a couple of pounds which I’m happy since I can already wear my clothes, zip up my pants without the feeling of squeezing it in and fast forward to now, I’m trying to maintain my weight, as long as I’m within 121 - 125 lbs., I’m already good with that. I don’t do gym anymore. I just focused on my calorie intake and been in love with yoga and just adding a bit of HIIT workout at home.

Church Community

Ever since I went back to living alone, I’ve been craving for church community but for some reason it just didn’t work out for me since most of the time connect groups were done in a physical setup and since I don’t go to church physically like pre-pandemic, I’ve been preferring online services and I don’t do church related physical meetups / get together from 2020 to 2021, maybe that’s why it didn’t workout well.

New Hobby & Community

I have been immersed in this new hobby of collecting anime figures (can be playable as well). I created a social media account for that since I started receiving invites and even messages from some folks in my personal social media about “Insurance” or them “borrowing for money”. There’s even a point where some do the ‘guilt-trippin stuff’ like “you don’t have some spare money, but you can buy toys?”. It’s seriously annoying so after that I ended up not posting any stuff related to this new hobby.

On a brighter side, since I created a separate social media account for this hobby, I started meeting people with the same hobby as I do! It was fun discussing with folks anything related to this hobby with these folks and I honestly enjoy it. It took quite a while but seriously it made me forget that it’s still pandemic. 

Mental Health

Afaik, I’m currently stable but yes, I constantly talk to a shrink because I felt like there’s just no one to talk to. I don’t have really friends who I can be vulnerable with so I just settled talking to a shrink - at least it’s being kept professionally (I hope). Tho really, there are times that I had troubles with myself, some are quite triggering and some well... self pity I guess. I’d say 2021 was the worst for my mental health and fast forward to now, I’m still in the process of trying to cope up.

Work Stuff

I actually moved to a different team mid-2021 and I’m currently in between of regretting and being grateful to it but really, I don’t see myself growing for quite some time now in my career. I want a change to that, I even discussed this with the upper management but it just looks like there’s not much of projects currently. Still, I am grateful that I do have a job which is my source of income. I just hope sooner or later we’ll have more projects to work on or even opportunities since I’m starting to feel like I’m one of those who don’t give that much value to the team which sucks really. 

Wardrobe Update

I’m slowly trying to transition my wardrobe to basic clothing, those without prints. I even prefer neutral tone colors for quite some time now. 

Loving Myself

I honestly used to be hard on myself whenever I did something wrong but fast forward to now I’m trying to slowly be understanding with myself. It takes time tho but yeah hopefully sooner or later it would be easier already for me to do so.

So that’s a quick update on myself for the past years.

/M

[orchideon]

How about a runt werewolf S/O with Vera and Damien, they'd be smaller and weaker than a usual werewolf but that also means they get hurt a lot trying to prove themselves to their strong, badass lover ( Thanks for your ask on my blog btw ;3)

A/n: hi! Thank you so much for requesting! And thank you so much for the imagine on your blog! It was super cute, I loved it qwq! I wasn’t sure if you wanted Vera, Damien, and the reader in a poly relationship, or if you wanted them separate. I did them separate, but let me know if you wanted this to be poly! Thank you so much for the request!

(This is a post where half of it was written a bit ago, and the other half just completed today, so if the writing seems a bit wonky that may be why! Either way, I hope you enjoy!) ❀❀❀❀

Damien and Vera with a runt werewolf S/o:

Damien:

-Thinks you’re adorable.

-Already thinks you’re pretty badass- but doesn’t try to stop you from showing off.

-Actually, he probably joins in!

-Fistfighting someone to assert dominance? Bam, you don’t have to worry about being outnumbered because your spicy red baby’s got your back!

-if you call him that- your spicy red baby, he kinda just smirks a bit. “Uh-huh, alright. Sure.” 

-HE TOTALLY PICKS YOU UP LIKE YOU’RE A CAT HSKSNSKN- YOU KNOW THE LONG CAT MEME?? YEAH HE PICKS YOU UP LIKE THAT-

-May playfully tease you a bit about your height and you being a runt, but the sECOND someone says something remotely bad about it he’s like ‘haha no’

-You know that picture of the large dogs in ikea bags that have holes cut out for their legs so they can be taken on transit? Yeah he tried to do that once.

-Claw and fur care nights? Claw and fur care nights. 

-I can imagine him walking over to your place, stepping through the door, looking at you and just going dead silent. Pulling out the hairbrush slowly.

-…This ends with you sitting in his lap as he tends to your fur and gives you many, *many* tips on how to maintain it. 

-Depending how you two’s dynamic is, I can see these self care nights either being a sort of “secret” between you two (which, it’s spooky high. I figure things ain’t gonna be secret for long.), it being treated like an inside joke (aka you teasing him and Damien vehemently denying it), or no one really believes it outside of Damien’s friend group.

-You do… a lot of things to prove yourself.

-Climbing tall things, fighting, talking back to that one teacher… 

-It’s fun to watch, but Damien gets worried about you.

-100% stays with you on full moons. 

-He *is* going to try to pet you when you’re fully Wolf. Do not try to stop him. It’s pointless. He is determined to pet you at least once.

❀❀❀❀

Vera:

-Thinks it’s cute how defensive you get over your height when she teases you.

-She May tease you, yes, but it never goes beyond teasing, despite how her word choice and tone may come off. Though, before dating, you figured out that that’s… sort of just how she speaks.

-She’s got the opposite of fur, so she doesn’t know much about fur care, but you know who does? Valerie. So she ends up asking her sister about fur care. If mentioned in public, her cheeks will go slightly pink, and she’ll say something about how being presentable is important. (Don’t be fooled- she actually cares a whole lot about you, and wants to make sure you’re taken care of. …Also, she’s heard Valerie cussing up a storm in the washroom before over her fur, so…)

-probably has gifted you high end fur-care stuff.

-Will scratch behind your ears without fear. To others it may look slightly menacing when you’re in wolf form, but you’re feeling allllllll the affection and love. 

-A little scritch behind the ears when you’re in wolf form is one of the only ways Vera will show affection in public, since I admittedly hc her not to be super into PDA

-The way that you perk up and your tail wags when you see her always makes her smile a little. Honestly, she won’t say it out loud due to her pride, but it makes her happy.

-Carries around something you can chew on in case you need it. She’s a gorgon, and she’s got snakes, she understands the need to bite things, and she won’t judge you in the slightest.

-if you’re shorter than her? Oh she definitely picks you up occasionally.

-pets, head scritches, and belly rubs when you’re in wolf form and you’re both in private? Yes.

-In private together, she finds herself combing her fingers through your hair. She enjoys the feeling. It’s very soft. A feeling that’s different from the scales and snakes.

-If you plan to fight someone and tell her ahead of time? She’ll absolutely gather blackmail and other dirt on them to assist you on the more… psychological side of warfare.

-She’s very cunning and sly, and knows what to do.

-I will not lie, Valerie probably saw you guys getting together coming from miles away lol and did she bet on it? …perhaps. 

-If you’re the type to go a tad… berserk, perhaps even… crazy on full moons, you bet she’ll have a room ready for that.

-Vera’s snakes reaching over to lay on you because you’re warm due to the fur isn’t a odd occurance. At first, Vera was embarrassed, and a tad annoyed at her snakes developing this habit because it made her look soft, then, one time, when you two were alone, she tried it, and… well, now she tends to lean into you for warmth during cuddles too.

-…You’re sworn to absolute secrecy about this, and I mean absolute, but she actually has fallen asleep on you a couple of times while cuddling. Between managing Oberlin enterprises and it’s many venues, school, and… other things, it’s not surprising she’s fallen right asleep on you before.

[t3n]

ねえテンどこなの。

[cozycottagetarot]

Pick A Pile: Your Next 6 Months

July - December 2021

Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I asks that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

Reading Specific Disclaimer: Keep in mind this is just for fun and ultimately your actions and things you can’t control are the factors that will truly determine how the next 6 months pan out for you.

PILE 1

Theme // The Lovers Rx — Hello Pile 1! The theme for your next 6 months are all about finding your passion and building a relationship with yourself. Are you going through a rough patch right now Pile 1? Because I’m seeing you getting out of it or having a major shift by the end of the year.

July // Knight of Cups — With the knight of cups, I see you need to get your mood and mindset in check during the month of July. The energy you are in right now could be sooo much better my love. I feel like you’re holding back, there’s this brooding energy I’m picking up on. Focus on expressing yourself in some format (creatively, journaling, when talking to others) because if you do so I see you can allow yourself to begin this journey of transformation.

August // Seven of Pentacles — I’m picking up this energy you may potentially have of “when will things start to get better?” The answer— when you start putting in the work. That’s what August is about. Take some time during this month to really check your strategy at whatever it is you’re brooding about and come up with a game plan.

September // Ten of Swords Rx — So far if you’ve taken the tarot’s advice, then in September you’ll find yourself finding your momentum and strength again as the Ten of Swords Rx can signal getting off of rock bottom in a sense.

October // Ace of Pentacles — To me aces represent new beginnings. During the month of October something you’ve been manifesting (remember August?) is going to start coming thru. I’m also picking up on your financial situation improving or new financial opportunity coming through.

November // Ace of Swords — Your are going to be able to think and see things much clearer during November Pile 1. I don’t see a major ‘aha’ moment, but I do sense a subtle "oh my gosh look how well I’ve been doing" type of energy. 6 may also be a number of importance for you here too.

December // Death — Finally we’ve made it to December and I feel so much good vibes. The previous months may have been… challenging and have pushed you to grow, but when I look at the cards I see something beautiful, and I see progression. You started out, Pile 1, with the knight of cups riding forward with his/their white horse, cup in hand (an intention of sorts) and end with Death on their white horse but now a skeleton holding a flag of what we’ll call victory. I know, it sounds morbid, but the point I’m trying to make is that Death represents transitions and endings, and that is what December had in stored for you.

Oracle Card — Chant//Invoke

Yogi Tea Messages — “In every moment of life, you should be what you ought to be.” | “If we are happy, everybody looks up and shares our happiness.”

PILE 2

Theme // The Fool — Pile 2, I’m not sure the cards wanted you to know what’s in store for you over the course of the next three months. Therefore your reading is kind of short so if you have specific questions just send it in an asks. The general energy is very guarded. The fool here represents, beginnings and potential.

July // Ace of Cups — Ace of Cups is mainly about love and peace. I felt inclined to draw another card and out popped the Ten of Swords. Maybe you’ve had a not-so great experience happen recently, and July is about healing from it and trying to find a place of love and peace within yourself.

August // The Hermit — On this idea or energy, I see The Hermit as hinting that during the month of August you may find yourself doing a lot of self reflection Pile 2. I wanted to know what you were potentially doing self reflection on and out came the Six of Wands which, summarised, is about success and recognition. Self reflection on your progress maybe?

September // Death Rx — During the month of September beware of being resistant. Alternately, things maybe moving slowly and in wanting things to move faster, you maybe creating resistance to your blessings coming thru. Ultimately going with the flow.

October // Eight of Wands — I moved the eight of wands and under it was The Star which I hadn’t realised and was pleasantly surprised. With these two cards, I’m hearing if you heed death’s advice of being aware of your resistance to whatever is going on, you’ll see a sudden improvement in your situation. In October things are picking up and the things you’ve been wishing for will come to you.

November // The Chariot — One of the first things to come to me with this card was ‘faith, trust and pixie dust’. I have no idea why but maybe you do Pile 2. I see you having lots of motivation with The Chariot, finding balance, and success with a problem or situation you maybe having.

December // Four of pentacles Stability will be yours by the end of the year pile 2. However there’s an energy I’m not feeling. I pulled a card to clarify and got the Knight of Swords. Things are coming through for you in December but there is also a message to be aware that the chariot energy you’re carrying from November to December doesn’t morph into an energy stemming from greed and superiority.

Oracle Cards  — Mystery//Dream & Align//Ignite

Yogi Tea Messages — “Think seriously and think honestly.” | “We are born wise, we are born complete.”

PILE 3

Theme // 10 of Swords — Have no fear pile 3,   I’m reading this card as the next 6 months marking completion to a rough  phase in your life.

July // 6 of Wands — Success and   victory you’ve been growing and working on yourself or a creative endeavor. During July you may find yourself acknowledging your progress,  or other’s may comment on how well you’re doing.

August // 8 of Swords Rx — If you have been feeling powerless or trapped Pile 3, that is going to change. You may be opening your eyes to a situation or a truth maybe revealed.

September // King of Swords — I’m seeing you stepping up and being in-charge... being more levelheaded. With the butterflied on the throne, I’m thinking maybe you were more erratic in thought or and emotion? Or maybe during September butterflied will be of importance. Honesty and good communication is also key.

October // 6 of Cups — During October you maybe taking a trip down memory lane, or indulging in old/childhood enjoyments. Someone from your past may also be showing back up in your life.

November // 10 of Pentacles — I see you coming into abundance. It could be material abundance but it doesn’t have to be. There’s also a message of keep doing what you’re doing.

December // 9 of Cups — To end the year off you maybe feeling more content and satisfied with the things you’ve been doing. Keep up the mindset you’ve seemingly come into and enjoy the good things life has to offer.

Oracle Card —  Love//Empathy

Yogi Tea Messages — “People who love are giving.” | “Let your energy be used to build not destroy.”

PILE 4

Theme // 6 of Swords Rx — Pile 4, my chaotic little bunch. With the 6 of Swords reversed I feel you maybe regressing if you’re not careful.

July // 5 of Wands Rx — Here this card represents the end of conflict and moving on. I don’t know if it’s working out for you... I feel like you might just be like ‘screw it’ and move on. Throughout the reading I kept feeling like it was related to familial disagreements so for some of you that could be it.

August // The Fool —  The fool is about fresh starts, potential and being carefree. While I do see that, in this reading the dog by the fool’s foot jumps out at me as a warning of sorts. While new beginnings may be in the works, be careful of making rash decisions and not thinking things through.

September // Justice — I see things as balanced for you during September Pile 4, maintain that energy of balance going forward.

October // Queen of Wands — For me this is one of my favourite cards because I see it as being in your ideal energy, being your own muse. It’s time to come into that healthy, attractive, confident, creative energy.

November // Queen of Cups Rx — Why would you be wallowing Pile 4? You were doing so well and now the cards show me you finding yourself in an upset and moody energy. This is where familial disagreements really came to me since depending where you live the holiday season really kicks off in November and potentially so does family tension. Regardless of what it is, during November you may need to show yourself some extra love and prioritize self care.

December // 5 of Swords — You’re fiery Pile 4, and I don’t see you as they type to take crap from anyone. You know your situation best and the people around you best so there are two main messages with this card. The first message being one of ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’. While you need to put yourself first, you also need to understand your actions and decisions affects those around you. Alternately — you need to claim control your rights, your power... whatever you want to see it as. If someone is taking advantage of you, you need to break free and be able to choose yourself.

Oracle Card —  Spiral//Cycle

Yogi Tea Messages — “Life is a flow of love; your participation is requested.” | “An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities.”

[bookofmirth]

Okay so as a multi shipper of elucien, gwynriel, and e/riel (doing it this way just cause it seems like you’re primarily an elucien/gwynriel blog I think and you can never be too careful with any potential rude anons after my comment lol), I find the extra chapter super interesting because, as you said, people try to take the importance of one portion of the chapter (Az and Elain pining/Az gifting the necklace to Gwyn) and laud it as the absolute proof that THIS ship is happening while ignoring the rest of the chapter.

However, I think it’s important to note that without the chapter, the most (potential romantic) interaction for Az is Gwyn. Whereas Elain and him share a intense stare (glare? Glance?? I forget lol) and that’s all. Now, WITH the chapter, I think it adds more to the e/riel side. I believe this is purposeful for one of two reasons: to either create romantic tension, making the reader question Az’s love interest, acting as a red herring, or to keep those who ship e/riel hooked while transitioning Az’s love interest from being Elain to Gwyn.

Personally, I don’t know which it is. The gwynriel interactions in the book seem to point towards a future romance far more than the single e/riel interaction does, but the extra chapter seems to hint at e/riel. Then again, do we put stock in the extra chapter taking it as important as the book? Or is it just an off-thought meant to keep e/riels hooked while making a slow transition to Gwyn? Was the chapter taken out for a reason? Not to mention that e/riel has history and many previous interactions in the books prior to this. Yet Gwynriel dominated the Az interactions in this book. It’s really looking like it could go either direction I think!

I also find it interesting that no one seems to really point out that while Az and Elain indeed show interest in one another, there is interest between Gwyn and Az. In fact, if you take away any bias and simply look at the events in the bonus chapter it goes like this: boy 1 wants girl 1, girl 1 wants boy 1. Boy 2 says no to boy 1 about girl 1. Boy 1 makes a decision to give a romantic gift (the necklace is romantic in all scenarios in my eyes) to girl 2, signaling the beginning of boy 1 slowly moving on. This is obviously the beginning of some romantic growth between boy 1 and girl 2 (Az and Gwyn). So is this all for just a red herring to distract from future e/riel or was this planned all along from the start?

With that in mind, it seems to be pointing towards Gwynriel from the chapter ending. Then again, it could be a red herring. Honestly, I’m excited either way!! I’m not as emotionally invested in any one ship, thank god. They’re all very neat lol.

I honestly don't think that his chapter was intended to make anything confusing. I've seen people say that one part or the other, depending on what those people ship, was intended to confuse people. I don't think that Sarah is that kind of writer? She's generally pretty straightforward.

While I'm not really a huge gwynriel fan, I agree that it points to them because of how the chapter ends, and then taking into consideration what happens between Azriel, Gwyn, and Elain for the rest of the book. (Sidenote, the next time I see someone say that his chapter happens at the end of the book I am going to reach through the screen and do... something.)

(I accept that gwynriel will happen because it's looking that way, but I also have a feeling that Azriel's book will be like Tower of Dawn for me. Necessary to read to get to the next book, but ultimately I won't care very much.)

That said, what you pointed out about interest is true! People either ignore the almost-kiss with Elain, or they ignore Gwyn flirting with Az.

And really, Az doesn't say anything about either woman in his chapter that leads either way. He says "he wouldn't consider her a friend" about Gwyn and "this was a mistake" about Elain. The second one is nbd to me because they still interacted for months afterwards, and it was afterwards that Gwyn starts flirting with him. The second one? Ouch.

This is why I am still firmly camp "the chapter was about Azriel's psychology and not ships". Some people read it as being e*riel even though Az said what he said and Rhys said what he said. Some people read it as being gwynriel. I read it as "let's take a look at where he is at emotionally because he isn't in a place to be with either of them at that time."

So yeah, it's not his chapter that solved everything to me, it's how his chapter told us more about his character and then how he interacted with other characters after those events. Context is important.

I wish I weren't emotionally invested, please trade places with me for a day 😭But at the same time, no matter what happens in canon, I'm going to ship elucien and feysand and nessian, and I will never ship e*riel. So I'm good either way.

[ii-zi]

In theory I like the idea of therapy bc, as it's so easy to see the second you “step” into this blog, I always have so much to say and can keep going for ages lol (edit: as shown under the cut).

But when I actually need active help or get the opportunity to get help, I can never get a single word out. I used to be The Kid who knocked on doors for others, spoke with the adults for the flock of 30-40 children of my class that would follow behind me whenever it happened, etc. But ever since what I personally call “gaining sentience” happened back in the transitional period from the end of middle school to the beginning of high school, I get so much stage fright I completely “blank out” and my brain and body go into autopilot.

And it used to be such a foreign concept to me: in theory I understood it, but I could not not the life of me put myself in their shoes.

I'd give presentations for fun, jump immediately at the chance of being the first one just so I could have as much time as I could to speak, etc. Yet once I started high school I gradually became more and more terrified of stepping up to participate, etc. I had my first solo presentation (with an already teacher-revised script, formal clothing, etc) on my second year, and the second I stepped up I was already stepping down. I gave the entire presentation and remember not a single thing. My classmates said nothing and clapped normally, but I could tell they noticed something was off, yet the only comment I got out of them was that i looked “sort of absent”, so I don't even have an idea of what happens “outside” when it happens.

I'm not completely clueless, however, and it just occurred to me that, just as the stutter I developed around the time, it's connected to me slowly becoming more and more self conscious about not only my self image but also my speech, since if i have clear memories is of how often everyone around me remarked how “unbelievably fast” I spoke, to the point teachers would ask this one classmate (who I'm guessing could keep up pretty easily bc he was a musician?) to "translate" whenever I went too fast, so they could understand me without making me repeat myself (which obviously bothered me bc I had so much to say lol).

This bad habit never really disappeared, but it's instead hampered by how bad my stutter gets when I speed up at all lol, so it's not usually a problem, unless I'm with someone I'm immensely comfortable with and I just speed thru the stutter, knowing they'll understand me.

And I honestly think both how I spoke so fast and how I stutter nowadays contribute to the sort of like? “pet/creature” sort of view/idea of me people have? I've obviously never had a person come and say it to my face, but I'm not clueless, and I've spend so long actively studying people's reactions and public behaviors (only way I can have an idea of how it's "right" to behave lol), and I can see how they look at me as if I was a toddler babbling who thinks they know everything there is to know but it's just babbling nonsense, or like a sort of funny looking dog that regardless of what it does it makes you laugh just because.

And frankly? It wouldn't even bother me, if the fact that people clearly see me like that didn't contribute to neither my pain nor any of my problems ever being taken seriously.

They all feel the right to react accordingly to my wrongdoings when any of them are of any inconvenience for them, yet not of my problems are big enough because to them it's akin to when the funny dog gets his tail stuck on the fence, and you wanted to help him, really! But by the time you could stop laughing the dog already got itself out, so no biggie, right? Just keep going

And this is all the sort of stuff I'd love to say to the therapist! But there's so much I can never get myself to find a single place to start from, an argumentative line to keep up with, or even identify the "problem" I'm supposed to be complaining about.

And I find it kind of funny, but also kind of silly, how easy it flows for me when it comes to writing here as if I was chatting! Like I know people may read it or not, maybe leave a like, may think a while about it, and then keep going with their lives; and there's just something so familiar, so comforting on it?

Like, my problems are heard. No, there's no "solution" offered, but I already knew there wasn't gonna be one! Because it's not as if I never tried to find one! But here there's noone who'll come, to my tumblr out of all places, to pretend and fix it all by giving me little tasks or motivational speeches.

Sometimes I do get your regular one or two people who approach me really concerned for this persone they know solely as a concept. And these people always offer such sincere words of encouragement, such a natural feeling worry, that I genuinely cannot help but feel better thanks to it.

And I can't explain! I could, if I were to stop and actually analyze it, but there's not even a need for it. It's strange, and I wouldn't have it any other way, how legitimately nice it is to just drop any worry or stray thought into the void knowing that, regardless of what happens after, there's not actual consequence to expect, no way any of it would have a palpable negative impact, not even on myself.

[clair-void-ance]

If Only She Knew

Pairing: Cedric the Sorcerer X Wormwood! Reader

Word Count: Roughly 1,516 words

Warnings: None; just yearning and fluff

Notes: Gif, photo, poem, and characters are not mine; only the story is mine! The poem is “If only She Knew” by Kiara Wilson and, honestly, I think it fit pretty well for the story :) The idea was one I found on @merlins-mushrooms​ blog that focused on the reader being Cedric’s familiar instead of Wormwood and them being able to switch between their animal and human form. I had a little bit of time and wanted to write, so I decided why not? It seems more like headcanons than a story but what can you do lmao. Hope you guys enjoy, feedback is always appreciated!

Growing up as an animal-based shape shifter, life had been both difficult and easy going for you. The magical gift you had to change into any animal at will provided you with opportunities and freedom not many people ever got to possess. Especially when it came to sneaking around and getting away with things

What made it difficult though, is that you had immense difficulty finding a job that suited you. Although you had attended Hexley Hall to learn to control and gain your magical abilities, it ended up being something you just didn't want the responsibility of doing.  

Something that you did like about attending there though, was someone who had grown to be quite dear to you over the years: Cedric.

Cedric and you had started off pretty rocky, given you different backgrounds and his stifling parents, but you eventually learned to create a happy medium. After the whole fiasco with his older sister and his falling out with Roland, Cedric ended up not having many people to fully rely on. In fact, he had no one to rely on. That is, until he met you.

You two would work on spells together, duel against each other, rant about your problems to one another, and even began providing physical affection to each other. One form of which, was when you would shift into a stark black cat and curl up in his arms underneath you guys’ favorite tree outside the school grounds.

For Cedric though, his favorite form for you was the raven you would transform into when wanting some alone time or freedom. After all, one of the few things that you adored above all things was your independence. He thought you looked adorable and, after an embarrassing incident that you have sworn him into secrecy about, he dubbed your new nickname “Wormwood.”

When you both began to creep closer to your graduation date though, your time together became thinner and more tense. When your studies started to wrap up, it became clear that you both had to pick your career soon. To Cedric, that choice was easy. His father had been Roland I’s Royal Sorcerer, and it was only natural that he took his place when the king retired. For you though, choosing a career that would define the rest if your life caused you so much stress that even Greylock had noticed. Which said a lot lmao But, like always, Cedric was there to ease your troubles. Since you both wanted to stay together, but there was no need for a second royal sorcerer, Cedric offered the idea that you become his familiar. 

Which…..wasn't actually a bad idea. In fact, it offered every bit of freedom, fun, and intellectual interest that you had desired in a would-be dream job. 

After crushing Cedric in a bone shattering hug, you quickly made your way to the school’s office and began the preparation of registering as a familiar. lmao, we’re just gonna act like it works that way cause I have no idea what else to do

--------------------------------------------

Moving to the castle had been an easier transition than you had anticipated, but you assumed that was more your doing than Cedric’s given the fact that people seemed to greet him with more suspicion than warmth. 

An unexpected advancement though, was when you were told that you both had to share sleeping quarters. Not that it really mattered that much; you and Cedric had slept near each other before when bunking and traveling at Hexley Hall, and this time would be no different. 

At least....to you it would. The fact that you had grown up to be rather beautiful made you sleeping in the same quarters rather awkward for Cedric. And though he could hide his affection relatively well, he still slipped up here and there and was caught throwing you yearning glances throughout the day. 

(Cedric was just glad that you had separate beds, cause he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it if you slept less than ten feet away from him.)

Dynamic wise, you both worked together with so much ease it seemed as though you shared a collective mind. Which, in a way, you did. The only downside to knowing each other so well though, was the fact that you were adopting one another’s personality traits. Cedric, of course, had little downsides, but you were finding yourself becoming a tad more awkward then you remember originally being. But that just made you even more cuter in Cedric’s eyes. Which didn’t help his repressed love for you that he had harbored for the last fifteenish years he had known you.

--------------------------------------------

It wasn't until Sofia joined the castle and started to warm up to Cedric that he let it slip that he had the most embarrassing crush on you though. Sofia, of course, thought that this was the most adorable thing in the whole world and made it her life’s mission to help you both get together before it was too late. 

--------------------------------------------

After sending you away on ‘work-related’ jobs, Cedric and Sofia began to brainstorm the best possible ways to reveal his feelings and have them reciprocated. This ended with Cedric bringing up the idea of doing it through one of your more favorable interests: Poetry.

When you guys were still young and spent most of your time underneath the great Elm tree at Hexley Hall, you two had jokingly picked up the hobby of writing mushy and cringe inducing poetry. Which meant that his admission of feelings would be even more meaningful and heartfelt. That would definitely aid him in his and Sofia’s plans.

--------------------------------------------

While he began writing his love poem to you, Sofia began to set up the location in which he would proclaim his love. With the help of a few animal companions, Sofia had successfully set up a romantic setting in a secluded area of the palace gardens when she saw Cedric leading you down the pathway towards a singular bench.

You were wearing a deep purple pantsuit and, for a minute, Sofia realized that you complemented eachother surprisingly well.

After quickly hiding behind a bush, she got as close as she could without being found.

Grasping both of your hands in his as he stood in front of your seated form, Cedric began the start of confession speech.

“(y/n), to say that you’ve had a tremendous impact on my life would be a tragically large misconception. Unlike everyone else in my life, you have stuck in my corner through thick and thin and have remained, through it all, my closest companion and friend.”

At this point, he began to nervously shift around and cast his eyes down to his polished black shoes. 

“The thing is though, that my feelings as of late have changed. And, to help convey them….I sort of….w-wrote you a poem.”

You let out a snort to this, but looked at him tenderly as if to say “continue.”

Coughing into his fist, Cedric pointed his chin upwards as he sat to face you and started to recite his hastily written poem.

“She has her own special way

Of turning around my terrible day.

She makes all the bad things go away

The second that she says hey.

And when I look into her eyes,

I see pure beauty with no disguise.

Just a glance at her makes my heartbeat rise.

I know for a fact that these feelings aren't lies.

If only she knew

How much my love for her grew,

Maybe, just maybe, we could start something new,

And then I'd never feel blue.

And if beauty were inches, she'd go on for miles.

I'd better catch her before I go out of style.

I'm going to let my heart be my dial

So I can tell her what I've been feeling for a while.”

After finishing, Cedric nervously looked up at you to see what reaction you would show to what he had just revealed. Gazing at your eyes, he finally noticed the rim of tears that surrounded the lower part of your eyes and began to panic.

“Oh no, was that too much? Did...did I just ruin everything? Merlin’s Mushrooms! This always happens,” his tender look deflated into one of distress  as he put his head in his hands and quickly turned away from you. It wasn’t until he heard what, at first, sounded like crying that he hesitantly gazed up at you. Analyzing your facial features, he noticed that your face was not scrunched up in disgust, but rather into one of joy and laughter. You let out an airy giggle and reached to cradle his cheeks in your palms. 

“Oh Ceddy, that was the mushiest and most cringe inducing poem you’ve written yet,” you said with a smile.

“I’m just glad that this one is about me.”

“Does that mea-” 

It was at that point that you connected both of your lips and started to slowly initiate a deep and affectionate kiss. Sofia could be heard squealing behind one of the bushes across from you guys’ bench and that only made you giggle softly against Cedric’s slightly chapped lips. Which made the bumbling sorcerer swoon and lightly bring you into a hug,

Needless to say, that situation led to you both getting real familiar with each other. Only, this time, it lead to one of the most fulfilling chapters of both of your lives.

[yhmisun]

*//𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆: introducing 𝐘𝐄𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍!

hi petals 🥰 i'm so thrilled to be here with you all and bringing you this gullible little lioness!i promise i'll get to all ims soon, but my alias is penny, my pronouns are she/her and i'm in the est tz! this is my bby misun - the very soft-spoken principal of kwangsook academy. despite the shady way she ended up with it, she quite loves her job, as well as all the students and faculty at kwangsook :D i will have her full bio up sometime soon, but for now, you can find some relevant links and some bullet points under the cut! if you'd like to plot something out, feel free to hit the heart so i know and i'll come buzz you in ims! tw - brief mentions of death cw - workplace affair

statistics. // bio. // headcanons. // plots. // musing blog. // pinterest.

━  ❖ (kim ahyoung “yura,” cis female, she/her) hey thank you for coming to town hall to update your information yeo misun! you’re a citizen correct? good to know! are you enjoying yourself around yunhwa? you’ve been staying here two years right? i’m glad! remind me, are you born on 14/12/1992? we’re so lucky to have someone so dedicated around as a principal at kwangsook academy even if sometimes you can be credulous. hope to see you around the house #3034, hwesakgu!

born and raised in busan, the city was imbued in misun's veins. she was in love with how the highest skyscrapers mingled with the clouds on overcast days and how life always seemed to be racing by. her childhood was a happy one, as she gained a younger brother and sister along the way.

her mother was a science teacher and her father a commercial fisherman at the local dock. it wasn't uncommon for him to be gone for weeks at a time in order to bring an income into the household, so misun was often left in charge of her younger siblings. it was something she thrived at honestly, as she'd always had this nurturing way about her. she didn't even argue with her siblings much, she mostly just played peacekeeper when they fought amongst themselves.

she ran through the typical cycle of dream occupations as any child would. she had a particularly tight grasp on astronomy for awhile, but she also always appreciated her mother's work in the field of education.

misun could be be rather mild-mannered, but she loved to run free in the yard, as if the fence that boxed it in existed in another realm entirely. as she grew older, she picked up several hobbies that always seemed to lend to a tranquil state of mind, as it was her favorite feeling in the world. painting and surfing were two of her favorite things to do, once she learned the basics of them. some of her most cherished memories of her father were the trips they took to the beach whenever he was home for the week so that he could see what she had learned for himself. she'd never forget the proud smile he wore.

[tw:death] she was fourteen when her father's boat sank in the korea strait, he and all of his crew being lost in the tragedy. they were at least able to hold a funeral for him; and misun always knew it was something that could happen in the logical side of her brain - but that was rarely the side she wanted to agree with. it was extremely hard on the family for his already too brief presence to have lessened to nothing, and it was years before any sense of normalcy was felt. [end tw]

it was fortunate that misun was so prone to being a parental figure in the household, as she was able to help her mother with her brother and sister while the woman grieved. it was simply in misun's nature to forego her own feelings to give another what they needed.

there was a desperate need for the lost income to be restored in some way, as her father had been the primary breadwinner for the family. her mother's salary as a teacher simply wasn't going to hold four people afloat in the city for very long. misun spent years juggling her workload in school along with working part-time, putting her all into not only bringing home good grades that her mom could be proud of, but helping to keep the family's bills paid, as well.

by the time she graduated, misun had excelled so much in her studies, that she was offered two different scholarships, both of which would have easily covered the expenses of attaining her degree, a miraculous offer for the family who had no way to afford college for any of the three children in it.

the college experience was everything misun had hoped for; a chance to better herself, find herself and take a bit of a break from the full workload she'd been carrying for so long. she still worked part time, so that she could slowly add to the college funds of her brother and sister while she attended school herself, but it was nice to have such a heavy focus on her studies.

she'd come to find that she wanted to go beyond teaching. she enjoyed the thought of administrative duties in the school system; fighting the good fight so that students could always have the help they needed to prosper. it wasn't just about filling their brains with meaningless facts they'd forget over a summer anymore - it was about making sure they had the tools to make it in life.

while she did receive some brief classroom training as a teacher in her initial transition, once misun got her master's degree, she was able to fill the position of principal at one of the schools in the city. she fell in love with it immediately, as it fit right in with her facilitating nature. she had a knack for keeping the peace around the school and making sure things ran smoothly so that all the teachers and other faculty could do their jobs properly.

she even had a positive working relationship with the local school board and her superiors, one of whom seemed to have taken quite a shine to her. he'd find any opportunity to speak with her, even about the silliest things. it was quite odd for misun to see him go back and forth from a very personable man to a very stuffy superintendent on an almost weekly basis, but there was definitely something charming about him.

before she really knew it, he'd swept misun off her feet entirely. suddenly they were sharing their lunch breaks at romantic cafes and making excuses to see each other during inconvenient times. misun always saw the best in people, and the things she saw in him made her feel love on an intense plane. she felt special with him; wanted. she might have said he'd broken down all her barriers, if she'd ever bothered to put them up.

as sweet as the feelings were, she supposed she knew the relationship was inappropriate considering that he was practically her boss. still, she didn't want to let go of the happiness she felt, and that she thought he had felt to.

it wasn't long before he informed her of his suspicions that some of his co-workers had an inkling he was having an affair with one of the school faculty members in the area. he seemed to know it was only a matter of time before the truth would come out, so he would cover his tracks. he would make sure no one ever found out.

initially, they were only meant to 'cool things off' a bit so that the suspicion would die down. admittedly, if word got out about them, misun knew it would be quite the scandal, and he may have to step down from his position. it seemed like the logical thing to do to lay low for awhile.

she didn't see the next part coming, though; apparently it had been decided that she would take the hit entirely, in order to save them both. her superintendent had crafted the brilliant plan to transfer her to kwangsook academy out in the small town of yunhwa and away from the city that she'd always known and loved. she wouldn't have to worry, he'd told her. the job was all but hers after the glowing recommendation he gave her. 'thank goodness, right? now you won't have to face any humiliation.'

she was confused, hurt and more angry than she had ever been in her life. as lovely as yunhwa was, it wasn't her home back in busan. it wasn't her school district. why was it her life that had been uprooted, and hers alone? was he suffering any undesired changes in his life in the city? did he even care at all that she was gone?

still though, misun's resilience remained steadfast, even after her heart was broken. as bitter as she was about the forced move, she'd been given a job to do, and she was going to going to do it right. getting used to the small town lifestyle has been a major adjustment for her, but she's not really one to complain about her circumstances.

two years on, and she remains in yunhwa, functioning as the head of kwangsook academy. as lost as she'd felt initially, she's come to fit in at the school at last. she's a rather amicable person who gets along well with the other teachers and staff members. she's always willing to lend a helping hand when it's needed, and is extremely dedicated to making sure the school has everything it needs in the way of funding, materials, healthy lunches and meaningful extracurriculars. as unassuming as misun can be sometimes, she's very protective of her students!

[otomelavenderhaze]

I don't know where I read it, but... someone said that it's not really end. I mean, the story doesn't end with MCLLL...

Yeah, you right.

But I guess I'm in the mindset of, if we don't get a next season with either Armin or Rayan and I don't get luck enough to actually get invested in another Li the way I'm with those two, I will probably not play it.

And this is something very normal in the fandom. Many ppl dropped mcl after the announcement of mclul.

If for some reason they take out my Li again, I probably won't go through all the craziness again if I don't find a reason to.

Nobody remembers this, which is sad, because ppl think that my transition of mcl to mclul was easy, that somehow I just put Armin aside and went for Rayan with no pain in my heart or whatsoever.... But I got really close to delete my blog.

In fact I was ready to not play mclul at all if wasn't for the fact that I was invited to the beta test of mclul.

If I haven't played and if Rayan haven't left such big impression on me like that, I wouldn't be here today 😌😌 doing posts for the game and being a passionate Rayan gal.

I got lucky. Maybe I won't get lucky again.

Honestly, who knows.

But yeah, somehow it feels like an ending. Like I felt sad when mclul ended even with mclll on the horizon, they're games with same characters but with different romantic premises.

Sometimes I still really miss mclul, because of the thrill of dating a professor in secret and having to sneak around and such 😂😂 it used to drive my anxiety crazy but I loved it. I love the whole "lovers with challenges and obstacles to get through" kind of plot.

Mclll is more about other things, that I also appreciate like the homie cozy and more calmer type of love, and you can see in my posts that I really love Rayan's and Candy's relationship there too. But they're different games, they feel different and it's always sad give goodbye to any of them for me.

I wanna replay some other routes too, I wanna go back to hsl and play the ones I dropped, maybe replay Armin's and Rayan's route again more slowly this time around. So it's not like I'm 100% done with the game, I will keep posting about it.

But yeah, it's sad. I will miss it the way it is the same way I miss hsl and mclul 💔💔

[marveloussupernerd]

hey i’m back! lol i just love your blog! may i ask for a matchup for mysmes? i’m a capricorn, ENFJ, i’m really bubbly and usually high energy, i care a lot or i don’t care at all, i love helping people & giving advice if i can make someone smile i’m doing it right :) i’m naturally really positive but i’m also into spirituality & read tarot, i really like fashion & makeup but also can be serious & hardworking when the situation calls for it!! tysm! have an awesome day!!!

Hi !! Thank you for being so patient for this matchup :)) I appreciate it a lot

I ship you with Saeran Choi!

okay so this is random before I start getting into this

But my sister helps me w these matchups and didn’t read my whole message where I talked about you

And she goes “Dr Strange”

Uhm so if you ever wondered who in marvel you would be matched with apparently it’s dr strange hahahahaha

ANYWAYS

Opposites attract bb

With Saeran’s transition to everyday life, he’s going to need someone dependable by his side

And who better than someone so upbeat and lovely?

For real though, when he’s having a bad day it makes him feel so much better to have you by his side

When he’s upset, he lashes out at others

But he melts under your touch

He could be yelling at someone but then you come by

Smiles and hand holding and sweetness

Just being around you helps him so much

When he’s feeling particularly exposed and upset

Give him a hug

Hugs are so important to him

Never really got hugged much :/

Clings onto you and will never let go

Well his past ideas of spirituality were... a lil rough

So honestly, seeing you be spiritual frightens him at first

He was so taken advantage of in the past that it’s just hard for him to get past it

You have to slowly explain your practices to him

He’s always asking why you do something

Loves to hear you talk

Honestly sometimes you think he zones out bc he gets that lovesick puppy look on his face when you talk for too long

But he’s cute so it’s okay

I almost put you with Yoosung but then realized he’d be TERRIFIED of tarot cards

Saeran is chill with them

At first he really isn’t buying it honestly

He’s supportive but you know

But you finally convince him to let you give him a reading and

...he never told you all that stuff about him

How did you know what he was feeling ?

And all of a sudden he is even more supportive

This time he actually believes in it though

Begs you to teach him bc that is literally so cool

So eventually you do get in on teaching him that sort of thing and he VIBES with it so much

Seven says it’s spooky and does THE SIGN OF THE CROSS when he passes you two doing that

He clearly doesn’t understand it and just hears the connotations associated with it

But eventually Seven gets a reading too bc Saeran is so enthusiastic about something ?

You’ve really rubbed off on Saeran huh

Your first step of liking fashion is getting Saeran some new clothes !

He’s always wearing the same worn out outfits and honestly they don’t fit his vibe anymore... they make him feel icky thinking of how he used to be

Dresses a lot more soft

If you put him in sweaters he’d really really love that

Will even wear pastels

But also will totally wear guyliner if you teach him how to use liquid eyeliner

On special occasions only

You’re encouraging of him expressing himself w clothes and fashion and makeup and he appreciates it so much !

Takes note of what you compliment the most

Shapes his look base off of that

He feels the most comfy in things you like :) since you’re such an important part of him

Pls never break his heart

You are so perfect for him

[starshipsofstarlord]

None of them knows that fact. You are actually the second person that I've told this about. I mean, like literally, word by word. I just don't understand why there have to be boundaries and labels. Lots of sexist things if you ask me. Women should do this, women shouldn't do this. Men can't do that, men have rights to this. You can't talk about this with this person. Lots of unnecessary rules too. Just do whatever makes you happy and comfortable, whatever gives you peace. Just don't hurt others in any kinda way while doing it. Be a decent person and that's it.

We live for 90 year tops. Most of us can't even reach that age. People are taking this way too seriously. Dude we are gonna die anyway. Just live. You know. If you wanna do this, do that. Just don't let anyone to limit you. I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking it the wrong way.

Also, I've never been attracted to a female, I just pushed the thought away cause it is not excepted in my religion and frowned upon in my country. Lately I was like, fuck it. And there was this girl I saw here who is such a cutie. She's such a nice person and she's hot af I was like, girl are you real?? Like. If she would come up to me and say something along the lines of "date me" I wouldn't even think for a second. So yeah, I'm sure I'm not straight.

Also, the people from my family. They won't change I know that for sure. They don't even know how much they've been hurting me with their words for years. They just have their own way and won't budge. We were talking about it with my older sister today. She told me to try to not let them get to my head cause she also knows whatever I do won't do have any effects on them. (It was about them talking about my weight btw, even my older sister doesn't know about what I've told you.)

I like the way you think about this stuff. I don't think I've met someone in real life (out of social media is what I mean) who thinks as similar to me as you do.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for not brushing me off and giving your attention and writing back with your own thoughts. That was kind of you I appreciate it.

Lastly, if you ever need someone to talk I'd love to talk with you. It doesn't always have to be about huge problems or anything. Whatever you wanna talk about,I'm in. I like making friends, especially with the people who I can talk with openly

I am so happy that so many others that follow this blog can see you pouring your heart into this message. I am honoured that you told me, and whilst we do not know each other, I am so proud of you hun, and will always be here to support you. I honestly slowly transitioned into thinking I was bi, it helped a lot, and a lot of my mutuals that I follow, that whilst do not know that they helped me accept my sexuality, indeed did, and I will forever be grateful for them

I would never brush a conversation like this off, it’s too important. If we can’t accept each other , how are we supposed to accept each other. I appreciate all of your sentiments, and might somewhen take you up on that offer, I love speaking to all of you, I’m a bit crazy and flirtatious so be warned, but i want to be someone that people feel like they can speak to openly and have no fear of being judged. All my life I have worried of how people see me, and I don’t want anyone to go through that. If anyone needs me to hype them up before a date, make them feel better after a breakup, talk to them about random stuff to clear their mind, or about sexuality or literally anything, this is where I am. Anyone is free to message me, there is no need to be intimidated, my anxiety makes me as nervous as all of you, so please remember that

This exchange was lovely, I thank you for that hun, you are so brave and should be proud of yourself, you have such a wonderful mind 💙