#but i haven't processed those yet
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Booted up BG3 for the first time in a good while, intending to play a bit more of the Gale Squad save file. Intent was to actually progress the story!
Got distracted making pretty new outfits for Ari.
Failed step one.
#grey's bg3 tag#oc: aravyn#bg3 tav#bg3 screenshots#i got way too distracted with the phase spider matriarch fight#taking pictures of bardic inspiration#but i haven't processed those yet#tried doing some fancy stuff in lightroom this time around
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i don't get people who don't like looms because "when two time lords love each other very much they send a formal application to the council to use a machine that is in their house" is so much funnier than a nuclear family
#it's also about the Themes#like if you loom a childe it skips all those developmental stages where it's 100% reliant on caretakers#tying into gallifreyan emotional neglect and children being forced to grow up too quickly#you can just Create More People there's absolutely no physicality required for it#time nobility is a society so deeply allergic to genuine attachment why would they allow for unpredictable biological processes#like pregnancy. why would they want all those hormones#population control - even less people to join their elite society. not to mention the eugenics#looms are a great meme but they're an even better plot device#i haven't read lungbarrow yet#looms#🥀
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when my roommates put things back in the kitchen incorrectly it makes me frustrated and angry. apparently, did you know, this is not a thing all or most humans experience ? some people don't have an intense emotional reaction to things not being stacked in the optimal way, or pans not being put back in their "usual" spot. did you know this. did you.
#personal#I'm having an online interview on autism tomorrow and so I'm researching and reflecting more#not like this is ground breaking or anything but just. it's interesting to me that this typically doesn't elicit an emotion for people.#I've been crying a lot over autism videos#I haven't had a chance to process my diagnosis yet really and there's still so much for me to learn and accept about autism#like feeling shame and guilt bcs of disability has been a huge problem for me lately. not being able to accomplish what I want to.#and seeing videos of other autistic ppl who were really attached to the idea of who they would become when they got older#or identified a lot with who they were while masking#and now have to let go of those things. and figure out who they actually are and are capable of doing without burnout.#whoof man. its a lot. i still haven't let go of who i thought id be when i grew up. to the extent that said struggle is part of my identity.#it's just. I am autistic. several medical professionals familiar with autism saw me and went 'yeah you are autistic'.#I spent so long learning how to better cope with my depression.#and it turns out some of that advice is opposite to what you need if its autistic burnout instead#which im gonna assume i just kinda had both going on at various times#i just. im not sure what to do with my life.#but i guess first i have to make my life more baseline liveable and enjoyable before i start pondering that#change is hard. basically. thats what this was about.
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HAI HERE'S MY ARTFIGHT USERNAME/ACCOUNT BTW <33
I currently don't have very much uploaded yet besides 3 OCs- but pls feel free to follow me or check out some of my characters if you'd like to! :3
#im in the process of finishing ~3 more ref sheets#so theres gonna be more characters uploaded soon! :3#(those + also Nea's ref sheet and a Cometcare OC of mine I haven't posted to here yet <3)#text#(for the most part ig?-)#artfight
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#if i'm quiet it's bc i'm still processing#i haven't reached the acceptance point pointvand i can't be glib or funny about it#i keep just starting to full-on sob#like a lot of it is selfish - comparatively i'm better off than many and not much will change right away#but i'm old. i'm not super sure i'll make it another 4 years like i just have this feeling i won't#and i'm crying for the loss of what we could have had as much as for all of those who will die#it's almost worse that there was a clear way forward that we took in a better timeline#i'm crying because there's proof that so much of this country is evil and stupid and arrogant and apathetic#huge swathes of it are not but we have to admit that there are a lot of the others#it really is grief for the united states of america that existed and it's selfish and not helpful and i can't stop it yet#today someone i work with really ssid to me 'y'all really think trump is gonna send people to your house and take you away'#and i said he told us he would - he said he would specifically target immigrants and received the reply#'well yeah of course - the illegals ...'#so many folks are already setting their sights on the next fight and ready to roll up their sleeves and keep pushing#and i just can't stop crying#palestine is gone. the supreme court is locked for the rest of my life. who knows if there will ever even be another election#maybe that was the last one. maybe that was the last one women will be able to vote in. who knows.#i remember this feeling from when my parents died but i'm not any better dealing with it now than i was then
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Art block is kicking my ass. The bitch doesn't want to draw anything that isn't BonRin, I'm really sorry for how long it's taking me to finish the commissions. Please forgive me 🙇🏻♀️🙏✨️ I'm not doing this on purpose ;w;
#I'm prioritizing those who already paid. That's why I haven't sent you an initial sketch yet#No#paying will not speed up the process it will just make me feel more pressured so please be patient 🙏 Again#I apologize 🙏#SFMBE 🤙
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if you live in the USA and are feeling especially overwhelmed rn, remember we are living through both a modern day civil rights movement (like the 1960s) and a genocide that our govt is funding (like the Holocaust). keep fighting. if you need a break, rest up. take care of yourself. i believe that we will win.
#like a fuck lot of other things are also happening#like the Nazis i mean Republicans still politicking#and economic price gouging on everyday items#a shit job market yes even for those of us with good degrees#a shit housing market for most people who haven't already bought#and dealing with the lingering grief of a global pandemic that killed many of our friends and family#and oh yeah covid isn't over yet even though the capitalist machine wants you to think it's done#but the Nazis targeting everyone Black and brown and Muslim and queer and trans while the USA funds genocide conducted by Israel#yeah it's like no wonder it's overwhelming#i mean overwhelming doesn't even begin to label it#and yeah i am heartened by the protests on college campuses#never been prouder to be an alum of my college but solely bc of the student actions#fuck the college powers that be who are actively anti Palestine#but it's a lot right? it's def a lot for me#i'm OK just processing as best i can
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Sat politely ankles crossed hands folded please say you have more thoughts about the DC deweys. Lazarus pit cold-eyed stare pristine and bloodthirsty anyway I would love to hear any further thoughts if you have the time + energy + motivation
how i imagine you waiting for me to re-read the resurrection of ra’s al-ghul and hush vol. 1+2:
ALRIGHT. in no particular order, thoughts about the dc deweys
connor fits very well into the mold of a talia al-ghul for me; chip on his shoulder, femme fatale, deadly and precise. he’s not the loudest but he’s got a dry wit that’ll cut you!
“why is connor an al-ghul at all and not batman” well first of all he’s already got the water connection, i’m gonna go dip him into the lake a couple hours north of the pas to make him incredibly long-lived, rejuvenated and beautiful
second of all i want him to be a questionable villain/antihero because he looks evil in those pictures but like beautiful evil. you see him at a multi-million dollar soirée and he’s bored of being there wearing his “heritage” beads and jewels he originally had from a thousand years ago. he and his assassins are only here to murder the head of state who’s planning to lay a pipeline through ancestral grounds
rip brandon duhaime i simply cannot imagine you as any kind of batman. lacks the gravitas, too much of a yapper, loves his wife too much. i curse thee to be green arrow if you’re in this narrative at all
assuming connor stays with toronto, would LOVE to think about toronto as one of the sites of the lazarus pit for many reasons
(a brief aside here to say that for me personally this is interesting if connor goes to winnipeg because i think they suit him better, he’s a manitoba boy, but re: the chip on his shoulder, he’s NOT a manitoba boy. he’s from the pas and very proud of it)
a) the amount of ‘toronto is the center of the universe’ hockey creation myths i can play with & birth/rebirth/reincarnation. if you WANT to feel unhinged trying to blend hockey and comics is an ice rink not just a pool of water?
b) mr. cathal kelly i love your works!!! toronto eats its young!!! thinking about this very literally in the sense of the resurrection arc where players come to toronto and are sacrificed, give up their body, their skill, in service of the demon’s head, and lose themselves.
c) we see echos of the same narratives and styles over and over again—if i can hop over to the flyers for a second, there is of course the curse of the *8s (18 richards, 28 claude, 48 danny b, 68 nolan, 88 lindros) but ALSO the danny brière -> tk -> morgan frost celly chain. every generation a resurrection, emerging clean and new from the pit
can you just briefly hold my hand and imagine wayne gretzky as an evil ra’s al-ghul wanting to possess a new body. gretzky i’m sorry to malign you and i know you never played in toronto but you are the best player in my head to fit the idea, i’m open to other suggestions
coming BACK to green arrow dewey (i did not re-watch arrow or re-read those comics sorry) connor could also be black canary, who takes a brief dip into the lazarus pit (toronto) before getting married to oliver. i do like that narrative but because we were talking about pristine and cold-blooded i figured connor dewar head of the league of assassins was more what you were after
now that i’ve gotten through world building… choose your own adventure narratives?
hockey-ish au: connor chosen as a host for the Next One. i think the lineage of the great one -> next one -> next next one -> next one up of gretzky -> crosby -> mcdavid -> bedard is taken, BUT i can imagine that the league of old boys all have the same intentions. connor gets sent to toronto unknowingly being prepped to get body-snatched by ???? and brandon duhaime of course accidentally stumbles on the plot and they have to fight to stop it
connor assassinating people :) snapshot of the head of the league of assassins delegating which major world events they’re going to change today. would love his shark face from the gifset to have blood spattered across it, ideally.
version 1 as head of the league of assassins: brandon is one of his assassins, big strong bodyguard type. devoted to him, would lay down his life, perfectly designed for connor (lady shiva/cassandra cain-ish). connor orders for something to be done and brandon does it there for him then gently wipes the blood off his face and apologizes for being careless and getting him messy.
version 2 as head of the league of assassins: an actual plot where connor aims to assassinate SOMEONE but brandon gets in the way. they meet at odds as their respective roles (hero, leader of a crime syndicate) but are magnetically drawn together as their alter egos. eventually brandon puts together the pieces of the Big Evil and manages to (legally!-ish as much as vigilante-ism can be legal) take it down and the ending panels show a tentative friendship and recognition of potential shared goals
also, jaromir jágr is immortal. don’t know if this is relevant OR related but he is. personal hot spring lazarus pit?
um. thanks for coming to my 1.5k ted talk (including tags). what a way to moritz seider lore drop that i DID grow up a comic book nerd, lmao. thank you so much for enabling me <3 i'll be here all week thinking about which teams would get what rings in a blackest night au
#contrary to popular belief (guy whose brain is like ‘but we already wrote the fic!’ any time they try to write with an actual outline)#[also i know what i said but i CAN write with an outline it just tends to be for y'know. not fic. (research and thesis papers lol)]#i DO actually know how to write up storyboards for comics & could in theory do a story if someone wanted to draw. or do a ‘zine dewey first#meeting comic because i’ve become enamored with the soirée scene i made up. also i want connor emerging dripping wet out of the slime#like it’s a nice wet bath the way they draw comic book girls framed ever-so-carefully to not show anything too provocative#both of those things can exist simultaneously if you want it bad enough. simultaneous mirrored panels of dewey1 fighting crime hours before#the soiree and getting consistent updates that he's going to be late so and so is arriving so and so will be there (OH I HAVE JUST DECIDED#THAT IT WILL BE HOSTED AT HIS ESTATE/CORPORATION DUH) and he's in the process of breaking up a drug deal chasing guys down & then sprinting#back brief shower with the pool of dirt and blood under his feet &slipping into his cufflinks his loosely buttoned shirt tucking his chains#under the collar gel on his hands cologne on his neck & swanning in late but he's precisely on time because he gets there RIGHT when connor#does too because this whole time we see the parallel panels of brandon stepping out of the darkness to reveal the green arrow mask & connor#stepping down iNTO darkness already done covered in blood & scratches the not-sexy but sexy drop of all his clothes where you see the#silhouette of his back (can't tell if i want this to be a direct parallel of brandon getting into the shower OR because what i haven't said#yet is that this is both of them in opposite -> they are simultaneously stripping & re-making themselves somewhat literally for connor but#it's taking OFF the green arrow for brandon to be his “true” self / connor stripping off his title as the demon's head (his “true” self) to#be connor dewar the act of polite high society &the implications in both that we see them taking off one skin and putting another on. which#one is real. brandon thinking duhaime the billionaire playboy is real vs connor thinking the dewar heir is the act&do they switch/challenge#each other throughout the course of their interactions of course) &then lmao the fighting parallel with fighting demons not going insane in#the lazarus pit to the puddle of blood at brandon's feet mirrored in a puddle of soaps/beautiful scented oils in connor's post-pit bath#& flower petals. have i this entire time been imagining connor in a slinky selena kyle-esque backless dress yes BUT we can for the sake of#being normal put him in a crisp beautiful expensive black suit with beaded accents. both of them spritzing cologne brandon & his bracelets#connor and his league of assassins ring ohhhh it would be so good to parallel brandon putting his cufflinks and accessories on with connor#getting dressed & fitted with spy gear. brandon stripping his weapons in the beginning -> connor thigh sheath knifes in garters in the end#&they both meet in one big panel/the title page cover at the top of the stairs & there's some kind of dialogue about being fashionably late#& at all times yes i am inspired by that one photo of brandon in his ridiculous coat with no shirt staring at connor who doesn't know he's#looking. that with this. and in the next set of panels connor wipes off a bit of dirt or blood brandon missed in his quick shower & brandon#in his playboy billionaire persona flirts incessantly with connor but truly is obsessed & wants to know more about what he's the heir to.#WHEN THE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT HAPPENS BRANDON GOES TO PROTECT CONNOR BUT CONNOR'S ALREADY GONE/ALREADY SECURED HIM SOMEWHERE SO HE DIDN'T#GET HURT both of them simultaneously trying to protect the other in their “civilian” act. &brandon as green arrow thwarts the assassination#liv in the replies
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#17776#ok. yeah. MAYBE i cried. what about it.#anyway im gonna start 20020 tomorrow i think#or maybe later tonight idk we'll see how i'm feeling i just need a second to process 17776#also i just remembered i still have an ask from yesterday i haven't answered yet fjdsklfjsd#anon i promise im working on those karasuno hcs for you ily
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yet another monster oc human form drawing, this one of my disgraced sun god, naasfilrah<3
he's a g-rank fatalis, and he tends to disdain his human form and Not use it for the most part
he always dresses in some kind of formal attire, pingponging back and forth from business casual and proper dressware, this drawing being more of business casual
he'd be less pale however he has been trapped in an underground bunker and subject to intense energy siphoning for the past Several Thousands Of Years, so he looks a bit more pale and fucked up than he was in the past (but i may draw a past version of him eventually)
(also, the writing on the mug is dovahzul (so is naas' name) and reads "world's best sun god" lol)
#mar.txt#ew my art#oc tag: naasfilrah#monster hunter#fatalis#daring to put those in the actual tags....#also posting this at an Ungodly Hour In The Morning as usual with my art so i will srb tomorrow#he was experimented on a lot which is where the scars come from</3 i won't go into a Lore Dump here in the tags but!#needless to say he's Been Through It#the gray in his hair is both from age and from having been in the process of evolving into a white fatalis but due to the Shit He Went Thru#it was ultimately delayed/possibly prevented entirely (i haven't decided for certain yet)#his twin brother is a white fatalis bc he was able to age/evolve into such naturally#also naas' scars glow blue in his human form when he's feeling intense emotions or is relaxed enough#normally he suppresses it in his human form though#yes i know he looks ridiculously like Just Some Guy that was intentional he looks good with the whole evil sexy ceo from a movie type look#most of my other monhun ocs look a bit less Mundane but i think its funny to make an Actual Deity look so mundane#oops i got rambly in the tags anyways Oh Well! thank u if u read these i hope u like my nonsensical rambling + my art#wouldve added shading + textures + etc but i didnt wanna Ruin it so i left it at flat art bc im very proud of it anyways
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there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.
in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.
#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't#make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the#thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty#and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've#learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't#wait#but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have#asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have#a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the#answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and#maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from#why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is.#well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing#around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :]#logs
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i’ve decided to end the misery of my ex dumping me and furthermore i decided the best way of going about doing that was diving head first into dating and so. and so i did and i scheduled a date for every day from yesterday to monday for some reason and am already contemplating killing myself to get out of them
#one is with a cool guy i actually like. one is with a guy i cant stand but he asked me out and i said yes. one i barely spoke to at all but#hes hot so yk. whatever. one is just a sex thing im prolly gonna flake out of bc im not ready for that yet#it’d feel like cheating the sex with someone else thing. i haven't mentally processed being single yet#so i dont doubt the dates will all be smashing successes lol. i’ll probably end up ugly crying on those dudes
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please excuse a lack of gameplay posts on here for a little. i’m currently building/modifying (using a gallery base) and decorating clem and charlie’s dream home ✨🏠 yes the bbys are moving in together!
but i suck at decorating and building so this will take a bit 😅 i’ll just be reblogging all your lovely content until i finish up the house
#i give so many props to those of you who build#and decorate#bc this shit is hard and so time consuming#i haven't even finished downloading cc yet#let alone get started with the building process
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So, I finally watched Across The Spider-Verse today. I don't even have any words 😭😭😭
#I HAVEN'T FULLY PROCESSED ALL OF MY FEELINGS YET 😭#okay well I hate the cliffhanger and I hate miguel's fridged wife tragic backstory. but BESIDES those things I loved the movie 😩😩😩#more opinions to come once my thoughts have marinated (but I make no promises as to when this will be 😭)#I doin a speak
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struggling right now to determine whether my new reluctance to talk to people irl about health/personal stuff is a healthy reassertion of boundaries i'd lost through years of oversharing or whether it's me withdrawing from people because one person inadvertently made me feel bad for sharing stuff and it set off the brainweasels
could be both tbh on some level. trouble is once you've set precedent of Talking About Stuff, it's hard to re-draw those lines and be like "actually i'm not going to talk about my mental health with you" without making the other person feel either really worried about you or like you no longer trust them and it's like. it's not that it's just suddenly unbearable to think about discussing this out loud
#some of it also is that things have got harder#in a way that i haven't come to terms with and am still like. processing#so i'm not ready to package that up for external consumption yet i guess#but am struggling to walk back my oversharing and set those boundaries#even though i feel like i want certain people (my boss) less involved in my health rn#for reasons both logical and emotional#personal
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Your Weekly TV Guide
On Monday you can expect:
2:30 PM: Osmosis Jones
And Tuesday - REMEMBER TO VOTE!!!:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix plushies ft. OCs
Wednesday:
2:30 PM: Sona reacts to embroidery
Thursday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Friday:
2:30 PM: Webkinz
Saturday:
2:30 PM: Webkinz
Sunday:
2:30 PM: Yanderapy
Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)
#Weekly TV Guide#And also your reminder to vote if you haven't already! Please vote!#This is another one of those *asterisk weeks in that I'm Pretty Sure this is what we're in for but I haven't actually edited everything yet#I'm trying to implement multiple things to make that all work but it does leave things a little ???? while they're in process lol#Anyhow!! Because I have Things To Say about these >;3c#Picking up right where I left off in September! More of the Osmosis Jones Damned idea ahhh#I actually have like........*checks* Hyah! Six-at-minimum posts' worth of doodles more of that idea but I'm holding onto them for the moment#I'll check back in in like a month lol - I'm like 75% of the way through Ch. 2 and then Dialogue Problems >:P#This calls for more doodling! But first others things lol project has been officially backburnered#But these doodles turned out cute and I Do want to share at least a little bit hehe <3#Tuesday Vote!!! Do it!!#Then come back and look at plush concepts lol#Finally my embroidery love coming to fruition in doodle form - it Is silly so prepare yourself lol#I did mention I as in my Webkinz era again lol >:3c Saturday's a little something different it's not art but it Is Webkinz so#Curious!#And then my boys yay <3 Still so happy for the attention they got this Requestober season ahhh tyyy <3 <3#Update: Oh yeah and Thursday is my birthday I forgot lol
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