#but i have done this too often by now... playing sick i really can't help myself ���‍♀️

[adore-gregor]

.

[honeydazai]

ok ok but hubby Fyodor gave me an idea, he’s figured out i get worried when his anemia gets bad so i fuss over him

imagine like,,, him using that against u. like if he’s losing an argument, or he just wants attention, he fakes sickness to get u to drop everything ur doing and come to his aid, u immediately feel bad so he uses that to manipulate u

feat.: Fyodor / reader

content: husband Fyodor, some manipulation but it's cute, Fyodor pretending to be a pathetic meow meow, fluff, sick fic

Fyodor is fragile, that much you're aware of.

Despite his quick mind, so sharp you reckon it could cut diamond, and his powerful ability, his physical body is still frail. His skin is pale, most likely since he spends too much time inside, hunched over in front of his many PC screens, providing him with no light other than the gloom of LED monitors, thin fingers tip-tapping away on the keyboard. His undereye circles are dark enough for you to seriously worry about his health, and the many blue veins visible on thin eyelids only make him appear more sickly.

The anemia doesn't help, either; thin lips occasionally turn whiteish the longer he insists he's going to take his iron supplements once he's done with work — when is he, ever? — and his nails, kept short not only for the sake of being able to play the cello, but also since he continued biting at them, are coloured blue so often you have almost forgotten what they usually look like.

Fyodor, despite being an internationally wanted terrorist, is fragile, and that's exactly why you're unable to stop the way your chest suddenly aches with concern when he goes quiet mid-argument, gaze unfocused, glassy, as he sits down on the bed.

This really isn't the time to worry about him, especially since, just a few moments ago, you were snarling at him, obviously angered for a reason that seems entirely unimportant right now — and yet you can't help it either, your concern an emotion that blooms in your chest so very naturally, given just how much he means to you.

“Are you alright?” The words leave your mouth before you know it; your brows furrowing as you kneel down next to him, one hand on his thin upper arm. Even through the fabric of his shirt, his skin is cold. “Do you need anything?”

“I'm quite alright, dear. I would hate to bother you, especially when you still seem to harbour disdain for me.”

Even his voice sounds frail. Guilt gnaws at your every bone.

“That's not—”, you protest, a feeble attempt, though you're quick to swallow the urge to start another argument down the moment he rests his head against the wall, eyes fluttering shut, ebony lashes against snow pale skin. “I don't 'harbour disdain' . I didn't even want to fight with you, it just — happened, but that's not important now. Let me help. Did you take your meds today?”

“Not yet, I'm afraid”, Fyodor says softly, and you're up on your feet almost immediately, making your way towards the kitchen to snag the offending pills, as well as a glass of water.

“You know you're supposed to take them daily with lunch.”

“That is merely to avoid forgetting them, to build a habit. The presence or absence of sustenance has no actual effect on them.”

Your eyes narrow. Fyodor allows a tired chuckle to leave his lips.

“Alright. I will try to take them regularly — for you, dear.”

Where, just a few minutes ago, you felt the urge to slap him with wrath — not that you ever would, not that you'd dare to, but the desire certainly is there whenever he acts all high and mighty, all-knowing, even around you —, your chest now tingles with warmth, with fondness. With love.

“Thank you. Are you feeling better already?” That's to be doubted, especially since he only took the pills a moment ago. Still— “Do you need anything? Maybe something to eat — yes, I bet you haven't eaten anything in a while now, too focused on work. You're impossible. Just lie down and give me a moment, I'll be right back.”

With those words, you vanish into the kitchen, already grabbing some vegetables. A quick soup is going to have to do.

Little do you know that, while you're busy worrying and fussing over him, there's a smile playing over Fyodor's lips ever so often, vanishing the moment you enter the room once more.

You really are too easy — though that's exactly what makes you quite this lovable.

OH. Oh, he would.. he so would... this is the most in character take ever...

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[jazeswhbhaven]

I just want sth fluff right now... How about a week with the kings (plus Lucifer) turn into a smol boiiii (still chosen between their mind still normal or a completely child).

Hehe wonder if the whole kingdom would turn upside down because of the mother side of MC :3 (like they're a really good mother/caretaker/...)

(ok I'm sorry for the grammar, english is not my first language 🥹🥹)

Thank you for waiting anon, and don't worry I understood what you meant!

MC being a caretaker for our kings when they suddenly get turned into toddler versions of themselves is so much fun to think about honestly. They were probably all just little menaces'~

Lead in: Uh oh, a strange spell has come across Hell! For a week in springtime, it seems that a certain tree has spread pollen and affected only certain devils, that being the kings...and now they're? young devils? They have physically regressed in age to that of a small child (each king looking different based on the amount of pollen they inhaled). Let's see how MC will fare having to be a caretaker for them!

Satan: He's so mischievous, getting into everything and breaking things. And who knew a devil this age would still be teething with all of his teeth in?! There's bite marks in the furniture, the curtains, just about everything. He's also got a mouth on him, and plays pranks often. Sitri is being driven mad, and Ppyong has been chewed on like a toy far too much. Here comes MC to the rescue! They can't really discipline him that well, but they are firm by wrapping him up in a thick blanket burrito so he can move. He's a bit feisty and likes to test MC, but that's nothing for them. Though they had to be careful when feeding him or he's liable to take off their fingers in the process. The entire week goes well, and thankfully MC doesn't have to change any diapers. But...Satan purposely doesn't aim for the toilet so the walls are uh...quite filthy. Good thing this was only for a week and Gehenna is back to somewhat of normalcy.

Mammon: Thankfully, when he was turned into a small devil again he didn't inhale too much of the pollen resembling a 10 year old boy. As a child, Mammon was sick a lot and had to be monitored. He was just as curious and still didn't have that filter. So for the most part he was self sufficient. MC still needed to be there for him just to make sure he doesn't get himself hurt. And now that he's got MC to care for him, he gets in his feelings, still remembering everything that happened to him before...he clings to MC, often cuddling and being silent. Sometimes even crying. MC getting to see him this emotional more often is a nice change of pace as he seems to just bury his emotions more often as an adult. MC even sings to him, reads to him, and lets him sleep in the same bed with a few stuffed toys. When the week is over, he's back to himself but there's something slightly different about him now. It seems that maybe, his inner child has healed just a little.

Beelzebub: For whatever reason, he's a toddler, and just as rambunctious and destructive. His powers are still quite strong, and are out of control. Bael thought he couldn't get work done then? He certain can't now. Paperwork drawn on with crayon, puddles of acid spit, random half eaten piles of food...and hide and seek seems to be his favorite game that turns into a disaster when he's hiding in one of the many ADULT clubs in Aybssos. It's up to MC to help rangle in this small devil and fast. They prepare pre-made snacks of his favorite foods, the games that MC comes up with are good enough for his short attention span and fun enough to repeat multiple times of the day, a large room where he can color on the walls and crawl on them even, and well he can even use the targets added in for practice with aiming his acidic spit. It's a full time job looking after Beel, but MC has it done. It was also the most difficult week for everyone at the palace. Worst part is...Beel doesn't remember anything once he's back to normal.

Leviathan: You'd assume that looking over a small Levi would be easy. Um, it's not. Him being back at that age that he was brings back horrible memories of when he was in Heaven in the devil camps. He's lashing out on all the citizens of Hades, even his nobles, paranoia, nightmares, not wanting to come out of his coffin nor eat. It's a mess. MC has a lot of work cut out for them, but they go into this with grace and patience. Levi doesn't trust them, and MC has the bruises and scratches to prove it. But slowly through the week, he starts to calm down, though still independent. The only other noble MC has to worry about is Orias who has been trying to take advantage of this situation. But it seems that Levi's innocence deters him (and MC protecting Levi) The last half of the week, Levi is now sleeping with MC inside the coffin so his nightmares aren't as bad. He's even played a couple games with them, and held their hand just out of nowhere. When he's back to normal, he doesn't admit to anything that happened with MC while they were there, denying pretty much everything. But he's closer to MC now after the event. At least Hades is back in working order!

Lucifer: SMALL ANGEL LUCI??? When MC had the prevleige of seeing him this way, he's very much adorable. His wings have temporarily returned, but they're tiny, just itty bitty. His hair is fluffy, eyes wide and full of wonder, and his halo is so bright and cheery. This a different side of Luci that must have died over time being in Heaven. But during this time he's very quiet, likes to cling on MC, and his nobles, riding on their backs and asking for snacks and angel milk. Gamigin helps MC the most, the jingling of his staff actually being soothing to small angel Luci. Paradise Lost though for the entire week was just as it was before. Mostly peaceful, nothing important going on other than this. The week turns out to be pretty easy for MC in watching him. When he's back to normal, he kindly asks MC to never mention what they saw to anyone. His nobles also will die with this secret. MC feels important, knowing that even Luci's own brothers have never seen him that young.

Belphegor: Huh...well it seems the pollen has turned Belphie into a baby. And even when he's sleeping, he causes alot of problems for Nifelheim. His little baby snores causes earthquakes, he also soils his diaper during his sleep even though he's only been drinking milk....those diaper changes are near radioactive. When he wakes up and cries to be fed it's like a high pitched ear splitting cry. At least the best part is when he's asleep, in a deep deep sleep? No thing happens. And thankfully, he was asleep for the majority of the week. There was only once where MC had to deal with him awake and he was cranky the entire time. Non-stop crying, hair pulling, and demanding that Beleth holds him as he was biting his arm with his gums to teeth. Beleth did well, he and MC acting like a married couple while watching him. The week may have been over and done and he was back to normal, but goodness. Maybe it's a good thing he was sleeping for majority of his life until recently. Him being awake as a young devil is a pain.

Asmodeus: It's rumored that no one has seen Asmo as a young devil. Well that changed when MC got to watch him. He's...a lot less horny as a small devil which is a relief. He was still mischievous, and often hinted wanting milk from MC even though they had no ability to breastfeed/produce milk. But it was strange that he would ask that when he's...a young child devil. Oh, well maybe he was starting his puberty early. But it's no matter, his charming abilities were still working all to well meaning that MC spoiled him with pretty much attention and affection. He was still very behaved and would often be reading or writing something in a journal. MC partially wishes he could be like this all the time and wondered where all that horny energy came from even as the embodiment of lust. Maybe he'd tell her later when he was back to normal. Abaddon didn't change much at all in his absence, the guards holding things down as per usual.

[not-poignant]

Hello! I apologise if you’ve already talked about this before and I just missed it, but if you don’t mind me asking, do you experience brainfog from your fibromyalgia (or other conditions), and if so, do you have any tips on dealing with it? I have FM as well and often find it impossible to focus on creative works when it’s bad—which is often due to the weather where I live 🫠 I feel like I can never finish anything, so I’m in awe of your output! Thank you in advance if you get the chance to answer; I hope you have a lovely day / night!

Hi anon,

I find brain fog is a pretty huge spectrum from 'can't do anything including watch TV / play video games' all the way to 'can't do executive function / editing but can probably still write a little.' So it's definitely different for everyone.

That being said, I don't try and write through brain fog. I don't think it's helpful and I don't really try and 'fix' it when it's there. Most of the time I take it as an indicator of a need to rest and/or a sign that I'm in a flare that will get worse if I push too hard. One of the reasons I took March off was because I typically am sunk energy-wise/health-wise during March-April (and October-November) due to the seasonal transitions from summer-winter and winter-summer.

The way I work accommodates this. For example, I don't have a daily wordcount, I have a monthly wordcount, so that if I need to take say 10-15 days of not writing because I'm too unwell, that's okay. I don't work full-time hours. Chapters don't actually take me that long to write (with the exceptions of sex and other action scenes), so I really only need 2-4 hours of alertness to get each one written.

I usually have a good idea in the morning of how foggy I'm going to be. And if that's the case I'm trying to get better at not fighting against it. Instead of thinking 'how do I deal with it' I think okay, it's here now, I'm going to get nothing really done today, I might go lie down again / play a mindless video game (if I can) / etc. I try and let my brain and body rest. It recovers from the brain fog fast that way.

There are also extremely basic things that are frequently overlooked re: helping with Fibromyalgia-based brain fog like: Looking into decent neuropathic or nerve-based pain medications like Amitriptyline or Lyrica (ymmv, but I know they help me). Making sure you're getting as much decent sleep as you can. Staying hydrated in a very genuine sense (sometimes my brain fog has literally disappeared after drinking enough water, though this is rare that it completely disappears). Eating well, and eating a balanced amount of protein, carbs, fat and fibre (and learning what this means for your body). And, though most of us hate it: Pacing. I.e. Making sure you stop before you're past you're limits, or not writing until you "can't write anymore." Stop when you still have a few paragraphs left in your head.

Writing is very fatiguing work, as is thinking about writing, and editing.

The reality is though, I have the privilege of being in a country where I'm on a disability pension and get disability support because of how disabled I am. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be in a country that takes care of their sick, elderly and vulnerable populations. And not everyone in those countries is lucky enough to have the "right illnesses" to access those supports. (Fibromyalgia doesn't count, for example, but I have enough other disabilities that I can still access support).

I could not live the way I live without those things, and without the support of folks on Patreon and Ream.

What I can say is that forcing myself to deal with / push through brain fog made me permanently sicker each time (my doctors and I think there's an element of ME/CFS in my diagnosis because of those, since FM shouldn't be degenerative in any way at all - literally differentials exist for this reason), so it is really important to make space for it. It took me a long time to learn this.

I schedule sleeps in the afternoon, I am honestly lying down for about 10-16 hours per day, every single day, to get the energy that I have. Yesterday I was in bed (though not sleeping the entire time) from midnight to around 11am. I was back in bed at 2pm until nearly 6pm. That's my life. I'm sure you're familiar, unfortunately. A lot is sacrificed to make sure that when I'm upright and functional, I can do things. If I'm lucky, maybe I'm in bed from 2pm until 4pm, maybe I get up at 9am, but I can't think of the last time I was awake through an entire day without collapsing (literally) as a consequence.

It can be worth sitting down and taking a proper look into pacing and your Energy Envelope. It's an ME concept that applies well to FMS and Long Covid.

Anyway hopefully there's something in this mess that helps, though my prevailing method these days is just...let the fog be there, and rest. Make sure you're taking basic care of your body. That sort of thing.

[princess-glassred]

I know I already have an au where Eddie and Henry swap bodies BUT that's only when they're adults, and I was wondering how it'd go with their parents, and the bowers gang, and school stuff. So here's how I think a Henry/Eddie body swap might go down when they're kids.

Let's start with Eddie!

-Eddie wakes up with an immediate tooth ache because Henry doesn't brush his teeth at all and they're a rotten. It's fuckin agonizing but he's able to deal with the pain.

-He goes into the kitchen to eat breakfast, but the sight of an empty table makes Eddie realize just how vastly different the parent-child dynamic is in the Bowers household. Eddie's mother smothers and spoils him so much she'd never forget a meal, but in the Bowers household, not only does Butch not make anything for him, but HE expects HENRY to cook. And so begins Eddie's exhausting and somewhat demaning list of chores Henry has to do everyday.

-He's not used to having to do so much, often times even if Eddie wants to help his mom will swat him away and insist he go play instead. He has to mow the lawn, weed the front yard, fetch eggs, tend to the crops, ect. Ect. It's kind of rewarding, but it's taxing as fuck. He also shows concern for Henry's skin since he apparently works in the sun all day without any sunscreen.

-This goes with out saying, but the unbearable stink of sweat and gum that's always on Henry makes Eddie wanna hurl. He gets pretty squicked out by sweat in general though, which is unfortunate because of the whole "working outside all morning thing".

-He also hates having to take care of Bip and Bop, since pigs are just about one of the grossest animals Eddie can think of. The fact Butch forces him to walk around in the mud and manure to tend to them just makes it so so much worse.

-Thankfully, Eddie doesn't have to deal with Butches anger for the most part, since he doesn't talk back like Henry and he's too scared to rebel in away.

-This is also a minor thing but the Bowers house is absolutely filthy, especially the living room and Henry's bedroom. He can't sit down anywhere.

-Finally, Eddie gets free and can fucking start looking for his friends to help him out. This is difficult though because Henry is actually banned from most places the losers club go, either for stealing stuff, breaking things, or threatening the people at them. He kinda just lurks in town for his oppertunity to catch them.

-Eddie's bigger and more muscular body is pretty much the only good thing about this predicament. He's so much taller now that it's actually kind of disorientating, and half the time he forgets his own strength.

-The Bowers gang eventually find him and drag him away to go shoot bottles and be dicks, and unsurprisingly, Eddie hates it.

-Patrick tries to make a move on him, Belch's behavior is disgusting, Vic's full of himself, and connor is just plain annoying.

-The way they try to egg him on is especially aggrivating, and unfortunately Eddie has to pretend like he, 1. Enjoys their stupid antics, and 2. Is Henry Bowers. Two things he is incredibly bad at.

-The one silver lining is that he gets to make some slight digs at Connor's expense as revenge for him being mean to Richie.

-Insterestingly enough, somehow, Patrick very quickly figures out he's not Henry, but that just makes him wanna hit on Eddie more. Of course the one person who figures it out is fucking Patrick of all people. Fuck.

-The way people look at Henry makes Eddie feel sick and even a little guilty. He knows he's not Henry, so he shouldn't have to feel guilty for what he's done, but the way kids stare at him in town really makes him think. Mike looks at him with such fear, he cannot help but feel awful and like it's somehow his fault. Bill sneers at him, Bev is digusted by his presence, Ben avoids him in the hallway he's so scared. It's horrible, and it really just emphasizes how badly Eddie wants to be himself again.

-While hanging out with the Bowers gang they try to force him to bully some kids, so he just sputters put some weird vauge threats that don't really mean anything if you think about them for more than a second.

-"We should go bully the losers!" "Yeah!" "Awesome idea!" "YEAH HAHAHA THAT WOULD BE SOOOO EPIC OORRRR, HEAR ME OUT, AN EVEN BETTER IDEA, WE DO SOMETHING ELSE!"

Now for Henry's turn!

-Henry wakes up and is immediately shocked by his tiny, fragile, uncalloused little doll hands.

-He's so much weaker and smaller now, and he gets injured much easier than before. He does take notice of Eddie's clean teeth though and uses it as an excuse to eat whatever the hell he wants with no fear of a tooth ache.

-Dude absolutely hates having normal hair, fuckin sucks.

-He also hates everything Eddie wears, finding his shirts and t shirts pretty feminine and weird lookin. Henry would rather chew on glass than ever wear a fanny pack, but Sonia insists he take it.

-Sonia Kaspbrak's smothering quickly goes from nice to incredibly annoying. She pinches his cheeks, forces him to hug her, calls him little pet names, Henry hates it.

-A lot of people call him cute now (Richie included), and the only thing more infuriating than that is the fact he can't really fight back.

-At school he tries to be his usual smug asshole self and he's quickly hung to his locker by his underwear. If it weren't for the losers he could have very well just stayed there all day.

-Belch, Patrick, and Vic all jump his ass and bully him, causing Henry to freak the fuck out and SWEAR he's gonna kick their butts when he gets back to normal.

-He tries to tell the losers to piss off, but everything he tries to do to drive them away only makes them more concerned for Eddie, and thus, makes them wanna reach out more.

-The constant array of pills Sonia forces him to take quickly pisses him off. The inhaler is even worse because he can FEEL Eddie doesn't need it, but his mom practically forces it down Henry's throat.

-He takes all of Richie's jokes SO personally, it's enough to make Richie honestly a little scared.

-Because Eddie's so much smaller than he is there's a load of annoying little moments where he can't reach something or lift something on his own, so he has to get one of the losers to help. The fact every loser is taller than him now fills him with almighty rage, especially Bev.

-The novelty of slipping by undetected and feigning innocence wears thin fast, as Henry misses when he was feared and not overtly condescended and babied by strangers.

-He tries to get his hands on a weapon at one point, since if he can't be strong at least he could compensate with knives and shit, but Sonia snatches it away from him real fast.

-Henry can't even decide if he wants people to know it's him anymore, at some point it just gets so embarrassing he'd rather try to fake being Eddie. At least if people expect Eddie to get pushed around, if anyone knew it was Henry he'd never live all the bullying down.

I'm not sure how this would get resolved or even how this happened in the first place, but I still think this would he a wickedly funny thing to see happen with these two. Right?

[nats-bottom]

SJ - Doctor's Office

Summary: Reader has anxiety about going to the doctor's office and Scarlett calms her down and distracts her.

Pairings: Scarlett Johansson and Reader

Warnings: Doctor's office, almost-panic attack, swearing, anxiety and depression mentions, medication mentions.

Notes:

I also have accounts on Wattpad and AO3! The users there are @ paige_vers

Please give me requests! You can submit them here or on my insta, @ scarlettsoutset

ᨖᨖೱᨖ⧗ᨖⴵᨖ🕷️ᨖⴵᨖ⧗ᨖೱᨖᨖ

I dreaded these days. They didn't happen often, but when they did, they always sucked. As soon as I was 16, my mom made me go to all my doctor's appointments by myself. And this year is no different. Even though it's just my yearly check-up, I still get very nervous. What if they find something wrong? What if I'm really sick? I just get all these worries in my head that don't seem to go away. 

My appointment isn't until three in the afternoon, but that's all I can think about. It's currently ten AM, but I'm just pacing around the living room of the house that me and my girlfriend, Scarlett shared. Scarlett was out getting groceries, but she should be back any minute. Then as if on queue, I hear the front door open. Unable to stop my pacing, I keep up my pacing while I hear Scarlett put away the frozens and drop the rest of the bags of groceries on the ground. I feel hands on my shoulders and look up to see Scarlett in front of me. I stop pacing and look into her beautiful, forest green eyes.

"Breathe with me" She says, taking deep breaths in and out. I didn't even realize that I was hyperventilating, but I started to follow her breathing pattern after a few breaths. Once I've calmed down enough, Scarlett takes my hands and sits us down on a couch. "Is it the doctor's appointment?" She asks, almost as if she already knows.

I nod my head, still too shaken up to speak. Her thumbs rub patterns on the back of my hands. I look down at my lap, feeling ashamed for getting all worked up over a simple appointment. 

"Hey, look at me." Scarlett says. I look up at her, worry still written all over my face. "It'll be ok. You'll be perfectly fine and healthy. You eat well, you take care of your skin, you exercise, you have no symptoms. You have nothing to be worried about." 

She lets go of one of my hands and cups my cheek. "Do you want me to go with you?" I nod, still nervous to speak, of fear that my voice might crack. This means a lot to me, as I've been going to these appointments alone for years. This will be the first time I will have gone with someone else besides my mother, and I'm glad it's Scarlett. Even though we have only been together for a year now, I'm glad she cares enough about me to go with me. For my last appointment, Scarlett was away filming. If she was here, I know that she would've come. 

"I've got to go put away the rest of the groceries. Do you want to come help me? It might take your mind off of the appointment." I nod in agreement. Scarlett gets up and gives me a hand of hers to help me get up. I take her hand and walk with her to the kitchen. I start to put away the groceries, and she walks over toward the speaker system. She looks through her phone for a minute, and grins. She turns on the speaker system, and connects her phone, playing my favorite music. Music that she knows I can't resist not dancing and singing to. She walks back over, swaying her hips to the beat, and I watch her, biting my lip. I switch my focus back to the groceries, oblivious to the fact that Scar has now abandoned her task of putting away the groceries and now is dancing along to the music. 

As I put the last few things away, I hum a bit to the music. When I put the last thing away, I actually sing a little bit. Once I am all done, I turn around, and see Scarlett dancing to the music. 

"So that's why I had to put away everything by myself. You-" I boop her nose "Were busy dancing, you cutie."

"Care to join me?" Scarlett says as she outstretches her hand to me. I gladly take it. She twirls me around, and then puts one hand on my hip. She keeps a hold of my other hand, and I put my free hand on her shoulder. We sway to the music as we both sing-shout along to the music.

The next song to come on is a slower song, so we don't shout to the music as much, but instead just sing at a normal volume. She leans in closer to me, nuzzling her head in my neck. Her arm snakes around my back, and mine around her neck. We just sway to the music, holding each other tight and close. 

Once the slow song is over, we let go of each other and start to dance our asses off to the next few songs. That's when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I check to see what it says, and it's a reminder that my appointment is in one hour. 

I start to panic again, and Scarlett notices. She takes a quick glance at the clock first, realizing the time, and envelopes me in a hug. I hug Scar back, taking in her scent. Her hugs always help me calm down. She pulls back peppers my face in kisses. Once my face has been fully appreciated, she rests her forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I look back into her sparkling eyes, and let out a sigh. She always knows how to calm me down. 

"Let's go darling." Scarlett says. She knows that if she were to mention the doctor's, that might've made me panic again. She grabs her phone and her keys in one hand, and takes my hand in the other. We walk in silence to the car, where Scarlett opens the door for me and helps me get in. She gets in on her side, and after she starts the car, she connects her phone and continues the same playlist from before.

We both sing along the whole ride there. Once we get there, I'm hesitant to get out, so Scarlett comes over to help me out. She opens my door and undoes my seatbelt for me. She takes my hand, and just stands there, holding it.

"Come on, my love. We can't avoid this forever. You got this. I believe in you. Now let's get this over with." She says lovingly. She takes my hand up to her mouth and kisses my knuckles. 

I eventually get out of the car, and we walk hand in hand to the building and through the doors. I check in at the front desk, and we sit down together. We keep holding hands, and at one point she brings them up to her mouth, kissing the whole back of my hand. She knows this will keep my calm and keep my mind occupied. Before I know it, the door opens and they call out my name.

"y/n?" The nurse said. I get up and look at Scarlett. She is still sitting down, probably expecting to stay out here the entire time.

Still holding her hand, I say "You're coming with me, silly." She shoots me a playful grin, one that always gives me butterflies, and gets up, walking with me to the exam room. 

The nurse ushers me to sit on the exam bed, while he suggests Scarlett sit on one of the chairs that's in the room. "I think I'll stand," Scarlett says, still not letting go of my hand. She helps me get up on the exam bed, and stands next to me, holding my hand with her hand furthest away from me and rubbing my back with her other hand. The nurse takes my vitals, then walks out of the room. We wait a few minutes for the doctor, who eventually comes in.

The doctor comes in and tells me that everything looks normal, and the only thing that needs to be changed are my head meds. These are what me and Scar call my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. She gives me a new prescription and tells me to come back next year. 

She leads us to the front desk, where I schedule an appointment for next year. We walk out the car, and as soon as we're both inside, I let out a huge sigh of relief. 

"You did great, sweetie. I'm so very proud of you." Scarlett says, looking at me and resting a hand on my thigh. I put a hand of mine of top of hers, where it stays for the drive home.

[jaynnie-jane]

I asked my Mum today

"How did I get it so wrong??"

"because you can't know someone until you know them"

And I think those words will haunt me.

I also made the mistake of not playing multiplayer video games that require co-operation with and against the general public with him until recently.

One AMAZING year where I thought all my dreams came true. One year of wonderful travel that I will cherish but also prevented me from getting the help I needed to not be sick for all of it.

And two years of the most crippling depression I have ever experienced combined with the death of my Nan, social isolation and a partner that couldn't support me through it because of their own issues and traumas...

I feel tricked into trusting you were the right fit. Your words and eventual actions (or inaction) didn't align where it often mattered most.

"yeah, for sure, Mauritius has great health care so if this mystery illness continues we will totally get it looked into"

"yes, I hear that you just wanted someone to hold you while you cried and you were nervous to ask that of me. And of course I can do that for you. Oh, right now? Oh, no, now I feel cornered into a situation I am not comfortable with and I don't like that you expect me to just drop everything I am doing because you need me".... That one. That last one was the nail in the coffin. We had barely spoken for two weeks...

Such a low bar.

Don't be a victim.

I should have listened to my gut rather than my values, my capacity to rationalise and be generous in my assumptions.

I should have been more unmovable in saying I didn't want to travel for three more months while still being randomly sick for unknown reasons.

I keep going to write "I should have xyz" but the reality is that there's zero chance that I could have even attempted it.

I should have tried harder to find a therapist that wasn't struggling with me.... But by the time I knew that, you had withdrawn your financial support...

I SHOULD have said "No, I will not move in with my parents. If this current situation is no good for you then YOU need to try harder to work out how to be okay with it. Or YOU move out.

...except, because you earn too much I wasn't eligible for government assistance which really allowed for the financial abuse.

As much as I say "don't be the victim"... I was.

I needed help. I couldn't do it alone. I NEEDED the people closest to me to say "woah hey, you're legit acting crazy, this isn't you! Let's get you some help, let's spend time working out WTAF is wrong with you and focus on fixing that FIRST.

What I should have done... I should have left you. I should have ended things when I first thought we were but was then told that I was actually just agreeing to moving out.

Every time my body screamed DANGER! RUN! I should have.

I will always love you. I will always be your cheerleader. But I will also find my way back to me - the girl that told you, you were being a bit of a dick head by cheating on his partner and not telling her. The girl that openly challenged the double standard and lack of empathy from you when you and your previous ex fell apart.

I should have listened to my gut on that day. But I had faith in your therapist.

I guess I fell for the person I thought you were becoming, that the red flags I was seeing were just because it was recent and raw. I would never have guessed you would still think and feel the same way a year later, let alone 4 years later.

So... I didn't get it wrong. I just wanted to believe I wasn't right... And that's a TERRIBLE thing to build a relationship on top of.

[poisonnxkki]

Mistakes I Made In The Beginning Of My Practice🦋

What Makes Something a Mistake?

How do we define a mistake? How do we know when we've messed up? These were questions that haunted me in the beginning of my practice. I was overly worried about doing things wrong and having to pay the price for those mess ups. The uncertainty of it all made me really hesitant to start experimenting in my craft. I would later come to terms with the fact that mistakes are inevitable, but as a beginner I was definitely intimidated.

The truth is, I'm not really sure there's a surefire way to know if something is a mistake until we've messed up. Spell work can be tricky in the sense that we often define our own parameters of success. This means that a spell can be failure to one person and a success to another based on their personal views of what success means. If a spell has consequences that we don't intend it to have or manifests in a way we weren't expecting, does that constitute as a failure? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. In my opinion the best way to determine if something's a mistake is to mess up. You won't know until things go wrong.

How I Rectify Mistakes:

To start, remember mistakes are inevitable. We can't avoid them and we shouldn't try to. Sometimes spell work isn't going to manifest in the way we were expecting. Sometimes our spells are going to force us to confront uncomfortable truths or set boundaries in order to get what we want, and there may be no other way around that. This is a reality that we should strive to accept rather than avoid.

But what happens when we actually do mess up? How do we go about fixing what we've done? I follow a few guidelines which help me determine what my next steps should be and hopefully these are helpful for you too.

Determine what has happened and if the spell is influencing the situation- the effects of some spells are relatively short lived so if the spell isn't currently influencing the situation then you're on damage control (and a good cleansing should be enough). However, some spells (often spells that are contained within a vessel or are tethered to you) need to be undone first.

Cleanse or banish- depending on the type of spell you may feel like cleansing just isn't enough. If that's the case, doing a banishment of the effects/energy of your previous spell should do the trick.

Mundane over magical- the effects of spell work often show up in our daily lives so taking the time to fix/heal from life events is super important.

Reflect- it's important to try and understand exactly what went wrong. Were you specific enough? What ingredients did you use? What order? What did your petition say (if you used one)? Where was your mind when you were casting? Going over how you did the spell can be helpful when determining what went wrong. It's important to reiterate that sometimes our spells are going to force us to confront uncomfortable truths or set boundaries in order to get what we want. Something that feels like a mistake now, could play an important role in you getting what you want later on so keep that in mind.

Mistakes I've Made:

I've talked about this before but I once did self-love spell for myself and a group of friends. This was fine, my mistake was trying to do them at the same time. I ended up accidentally binding myself to all of them. Months later we had a major falling out, which inevitably ended our friendship and was especially difficult on me. I was sick for several days and ended up doing several chord cutting spells to rectify the situation.

I was struggling with severe anxiety a few years ago and decided to do a spell to help with it. The problem was that I didn't define what I wanted from the spell. I kinda just said "no more anxiety" and lit the flame. When doing this spell, social situations had been the driving force behind my anxiety. However, it became health related after this spell. I should have been more clear in my intention when doing that spell but more importantly, I should have known that there is no "easy" fix for anxiety.

My first baneful protection was a blunder because it didn't work. I was nervous about messing up, which caused me to. Something I find influences baneful protections are boundaries (and our ability to set them). If you can't set boundaries in the physical world, then you aren't going to be able to set them energetically (in my personal opinion). I was an absolute pushover in relationships. I let people take advantage of my kindness and had trouble putting my foot down. My energy reflected that and the baneful protection did absolutely nothing, it was both a waste of ingredients and time.

🖤*All images are from Pinterest*

[nkn0va]

Could we please get headcanons for Ann, Makoto, Futaba, Haru and Sumire dealing with an s/o who is bedridden? Up to you if it's a sickness or they're injured, whatever you feel most comfortable with writing. Thanks!

Fuck I really should've done something with this idea with the Yuzu, Hilda, and Kaguya ask. Oh well, too late for that now.

-Ann had taken you out to play in the snow when it finally came around. Seeing as this wasn't too often you took her up on the offer. Unfortunately you were a out longer than you intended and got a cold.

-After she got over her feelings of guilt and apologies, she decided the best way to make it up to you was to nurse you back to health. She's a bit on the inexperienced side but surely it can't go that bad.

-That'd normally be a way to foreshadow that it can indeed go that bad, but surprisingly it doesn't.

-She probably buys a bit too much medicine compared to what you actually need. She hasn't really gotten sick before and when she does her caretaker is the one to do everything for her so she just kinda wings it on that front.

-She can cook basic stuff like rice and soup relatively ok, but when it comes to the more advanced recipes she'll just ask Sojiro to whip something up for you.

-Well, either that or she'll go out and buy you something. Probably something sweet if she isn't told not to.

-Ann very much wants to hop into bed with you and cuddle you so you feel better, and you'll have to stop her lest she gets sick herself. Even when you do, that urge will always be there until you're feeling well enough to get out of bed again.

-When she can't be there she'll call you as much as she can, though. She doesn't want you to get bored because you can't leave your room.

-It was unfortunately allergy season and you had it particularly bad. It got to the point you weren't able to go to school.

-Makoto soon found out and the first thing she did after class ended was go to your place. The worry was clear in her expression as she quickly took it upon herself to take care of you.

-If there's any woman you should want to be taking care of you, it's her. She knows the exact medicine you need, and she's competent enough as a cook to make what sick people typically eat.

-She's had to take care of herself when she was sick on a few occasions and her sister was too busy to be of much help, unfortunately.

-Of course, this being Makoto, she'll feel obligated to help you keep up with school while you can't go. She won't make you work obviously, but she'll give you some study guides for the classes you missed to go over while you have nothing better to do so you're not completely lost when you come back.

-She unfortunately can't be there for you all the time since she has school, her duties as student council president, and her duties as a Phantom Thief, but she'll always make sure to make time for you whenever possible.

-Knowing Futaba, this probably happened when you two decided it was a good idea to try some weird, new food for a date, ordering it and having it brought to the house.

-Of course you two didn't count for the risk at the time, and you ended up getting food poisoning.

-Unfortunately Futaba's not too sure what to do, she immediately goes to Sojiro and Joker for any advice they might have.

-Most of her taking care of you is bringing you some of Sojiro's curry and whatever medicine he says you should be taking.

-Thankfully Futaba can be there for you all she wants, at the very least. As long as she can work up the nerves to get out of the house and go to yours, that is. In all honesty she probably needs Joker to escort her there.

-She'll bring over a console or two to play with you so that you don't get bored if you don't already have one. In that case she'll still bring over a few games you might not have. Anime works too if that's what you prefer.

-Being a Phantom Thief was dangerous, you knew that. It was gonna hurt pretty bad a lot, but you never thought it was this much.

-A Shadow using Sword Dance managed to get a particularly nasty crit on you. After Haru bludgeoned the unfortunate thing in a brutal showing of strength she was the first to come to your aid. Unfortunately even with Morgana and Makoto's healing it wasn't quite enough to heal everything. You'd have to spend a while in bed to recover.

-Haru knows the basics at least, and what she lacks in more advanced knowledge she makes up for with M O N E Y.

-You're getting the best damn food of your life while you recover and she'll gladly get you any painkillers you need if the pain gets too intense.

-And if that wasn't enough you're getting some of the softest, warmest cuddles you could ever ask for. Just as long as she doesn't put too much pressure on the wound and hurt you more.

-She knows how to put on and replace bandages if nothing else. If it takes longer than expected to get better, she'll have Makoto send the proper resources over to make sure you can keep your grades up.

-Sumire is one to make sure you're keeping in physical shape at all times. She often takes you out somewhere for some sort of exercise date, even if it's as simple as just taking a nice walk in the park or something.

-Of course you try to exercise even when she's not around, she only helped reinforce the habit. Unfortunately that goes awry one day. You make a sharper, more sudden turn than you can handle while running, probably with some kind of sport or other recreational activity and sprain your ankle. (Nova's note: I did that once during laser tag. That shit done hurt.)

-Sumire hears about this and is the first to bolt to your house and ask if you're okay. Thankfully you're not too injured besides that.

-In a surprising moment of boldness, she states she's going to be the one to take care of you until you can stand up again.

-She knows a thing or two about sprained ankles herself, being a gymnast. Definitely has some things to ease the pain that isn't just putting ice on it and some light stretches you can do that don't hurt too much.

-She insists on getting you all the food you need. Probably gets a bit too much out of instinct based on what she personally eats, but at least she can get all the leftovers or save them in your fridge for later, that one's up to you.

-She's a bit more shy when it comes to cuddling with you, but she will if you ask, eventually easing into it and appreciating your presence so close.

[spotaus]

Okay, putting a New Age au thing under the cut (likely a ramble-)

So, this one might come from my own hcs a bit too much. However, smth @ancha-aus (hope u don't mind the tag-) said about a situation in which newly teen Night would reach out to *Cross* if he was sick or feeling unwell? I thought a lil more and I ended up deciding that Cross is the most reliable one of the four to keep Nightmare to his word for his own good.

By that, I mean the others can't say no to Night when they have even an inkling he's uncomfortable, and while Cross definitely also would rather Night be comfy, he's also someone Night picked out for his willingness to follow orders. So, say, Night says Ccino is in charge if he falls ill. But, Ccino also has to manage a lot, so Ccino sets the guys to care for Night directly. Night reaches out to Cross, because he's aware even if he's sniffly and miserable, Cross *will* make him eat his dinner and get healing done. Killer? Would honestly probably just curl up around Night and make things worse and/or get himself sick too (<- has never cared for a sick person). Dust? Would try, but the moment Night looks even a bit more distressed than normal, he'd give up on trying to make him do what he doesn't want to. Horror? 2nd best to care for him, but he's also been known to... not but heads, just have a sort of inherent rivalry with Ccino regarding healing and rest (tradition stuff). So Cross? Cross would be the perfect storm of making sure Night feels secure and safe and comfy, while also using his Older Brother skills to get Night to stop being fussy and just do the things that will make him feel better.

On that same note! Cute brotherly things these nerds do w/ Night:

Dust loves playing traditional table games, like chess or checkers, with Night. It's a calm activity they can do together pretty much anywhere, and I know that Dust would bring it out anytime Night seemed down or stressed.

Horror? Horror loves to take trips to the countryside, buy when Night becomes small, it only makes sense for them to visit the gardens more often instead. Horror has a ridiculous amount of knowledge on flora since he lived out on the outskirts and used to farm/forage for a living. Night loves sitting under a tree with Horror after a long day.

Killer has... a lot he likes to do with Night. He's been here the longest, so he knows Night's hobbies thoroughly (Nightmare him go everywhere with him during paranoia episodes) but Killer enjoys the most reading with Night. Whether that's Night reading to him or vice versa. (I like to think Night might have taught his boys to read, or at least Horror and Killer, because I doubt they knew before-) It's his first instinct if Night I'd upset to grab a book. It was what helped him escape his episodes, and now it helps him calm from night terrors and decompress after stressful meetings.

Cross (headcanon incoming) really enjoys music. I think whenever he has the chance, he and Night will go to the music room, and Cross will play. He learned Cello when he was younger, alongside his training as a soldier, and it was one of the few times he was able to be around his siblings normally. Night knows the piano and viola (Dream learned Violin) so Night and Cross will play together sometimes, to decompress and to help Cross shake off that wall he puts up while he's working.

And! When Night was still running on the Apple Magic, their favorite group activity was always Sparring. The fighting was how Night taught the four to be so trusting of eachother, because he would tell them to incapacitate him as a team. If the worked together, they always has more fun and got used to trust eachother like an extra limb (Like Brothers). Night was always too swift for them to catch, most of the time, but it posed a challenge. When Night lost the apple magic, he never really got back that combat prowess he had before, so they couldn't spar the way they used to... To make up for it, Night and his brothers will sometimes have game nights that involve sparring challenges. Like, passing Night between eachother in fun ways, or hide and seek with him, or tags things that don't require Night to have amazing reflexes like he used to, that still let the group have fun!

Bonus Round for the side characters!

Error! Sometimes when Nightmare is really liking a story, Error will weave him a little "tapestry" of a scene out of his strings. Conversely, Night loves to sit and listen to Error ramble about his latest craft project or his new magical device. They bond over info dumping and insane passion for stuff. (Night is also allowed into Error's 'extra floors' which he weaves into the rooms with high ceilings as a safe-haven for himself.)

Ccino! They have an odd relationship, babysitter, turned confidant, turned... both? But Ccino loves when Night offers to help him make food. Like, at first it was a way to make sure Night didn't starve hinself, but then he kept ordering new interesting ingredients and recipes, and they bonded over the craft. It's a time when they both feel extremely at ease.

Lastly... I'm thinking about slipping Crop and Straw in as an homage to RealAge again, but idk where I'd plop them just yet! Maybe Crop is where Night sources a lot of supplies from? Maybe he's a guy who hid Night and a few of the guys after the first escape from Dream? We'll see lmao.

[soupedepates]

Skeletons in the closet (5)

A collab with @corneille-but-not-the-author and @hel-phoenyx

"Don't sugarcoat it, doctor, tell me what I can decently hope for."

Dr. Malchys just looks at the results of my latest analysis before putting it into my file. I see in Dr. Clairo's eyes I am done for. So... I am kind of need of reassurance right now.

"That thanks to your effort to sustain a healthy weight, your body is reacting quite well to chimiotherapy."

"I am at stage IV already. I..."

"Yes, you are", he answers. "But your latest biopsy shows that your liver is cancer-free. And there are signs of remission in your bones. Are you in any pain?"

"Well, I am at a good 8 out of 10 but nothing out of the ordinary", I try to smile. "You say that my bones..."

"...Are recovering. Your chimio helps with apoptosis, so it gets rid of the cancer cells."

"You're saying that the new treatment is killing my cells before they kill me."

That's a gambit I'm willing to take.

"It's a little more complex than that. But from a 14-percent chance of recovery you jump to a stupendous 50-percent. That's already more optimistic, don't you think?"

"I won't lie, doctor, that's making my day", I laugh. "Wow. 50-50 then. That will shut 'em up."

"You'll have to undergo another surgery to get rid of the metastasis the treatment won't make go away, but you can stay pretty optimistic. Don't let them take away your sunshine-y smile", he says gently. "Well, do you need help to go back to your room?"

"Nope, that will do."

"I'm advising the nurses to get you more painkillers though. See you in three days, Egill."

***

I feel like I see Sigismund more and more often at the hospital. He legit comes more times a week than my parents. He is with another guy. I think I know him too, but only because mum knows his parents or something like that. Fenrir, I guess, one of the brown kids with a Nordic name. We tend to stand out.

Well.

Why not be friendly with him too?

"Heyyyy, I'm seeing you awfully often around here", I say to approach him. "Is something bad happening?"

He has heard me coming, I can't catch anyone off-guard with my IV and my oxygen canister. Being sick is noisy.

"Oh, the guy who doesn't want to die. Lulea, right?"

"Himself!"

"You're Domhildr's brother, ain't you", he scoffs. "It runs in the family to play pretend with happiness."

"Aw, don't be so prickly, I may be ill but I am still strong and kicking!"

I manage to get him to chuckle. He has a faint smile.

"Egill, that's right?"

"And Fenrir, for you?" I ask.

"Yep", he nods. "And to answer your question, something bad is happening but it's under control."

"Please, cancer is never under control", I smile as I slightly elbow him. "It's like my sister. Feral and insidious."

Fenrir laughs more frankly. He gives me a playful glance before turning to the rest of the room, packed with patients, interns, and nurses. No window. Perfect for me.

"Can't agree more", he replies. "You're treated by doctor Malchys, right?"

"The magician himself, yessir."

"I've heard he is experimenting with a new treatment. Have you heard of it, perchance?"

"Oh, yes! I'm in the clinical trial program", I twitter. "Works wonder. My prognosis is much more optimistic now."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm jumping from a 14-percent chance of survival to a 50-percent chance, can you believe it?"

"Wow, research is sure fast when handled by a genius."

"Yeaaaah", I continue. "Of course, I have all of the secondary effects, such as nausea or else, but since I'm staying at a healthy weight everything goes smoothly."

"That's a miracle."

"I'll survive, inch'Allah."

He pats me on the shoulder.

***

No but really. It starts to freak me out to see Sigismund and Fenrir so often at the hospital. They don't look like they are in-duty - and they are by far the most sympathetic cops to me but cops nonetheless.

I tried to know more by using Domhildr as an interface between me and her boyfriend but the Knight in shining armour won't say a thing about it. She says, "He is just coming to see you I think, because he is just like that and he is family now so he is invested". I don't know if she is blinded or not by love. My sister has a tendency to let emotions affecting her judgement...

It's not I don't believe that Sigismund wants to make moves hinting that he is family now.

I want to believe that for Dom.

But let's be realistic. Life is no fairytale.

And that's fucking sad for both of them because they are painfully in love from what I've heard.

And well.

His visits, and Fenrir's, feel off. They ask questions. Mostly about Dr. Malchys.

...

Let's not be all dark and brooding but...

...

I just hope that no one in their loved ones has cancer.

[veifei]

Sure, I'll bite.

What are your headcanons about the Link Click trio's favorite ice cream + hot beverage + cold beverage and why. :)

thank you for the ask!! also i have indeed started reading third time's the charm and !!!! already hitting me in the feels

ok SO I'll go character by character:

qiao ling: for favourite ice cream I'm generally thinking fruity/refreshing flavours, though more specifically (maybe because of one of her official arts i saw recently) strawberry! but she might also be picky with what makes Good strawberry ice cream and plays it safe if she's buying from a new place. probably vanilla, i feel like one can't really go wrong with vanilla.

as for drinks, i like the idea that QL and LG enjoy tea together. QL will shuffle over to the studio after hours and do a face mask and LG will prepare them tea (always non-caffinated, because QL says she's too sensitive to caffeine lately at night), and they'll drink it and enjoy each other's quiet company. LG probably reads while QL does some scrollingon her phone.

finally for cold drinks, we already know that boba runs are a common occurrence at the studio, but i bet QL also really loves trying out novel iced-drinks. I'm thinking caramel iced lattes, strawberry chai iced, green energy smoothie 3000, etc. drinks with really long, convoluted names, that are kind of a fad but that's ok!! let her have fun with her silly little drinks!!!

cheng xiaoshi: i think, contrastingly, CXS is a big fan of the ice cream flavours that can border on sickly sweet, depending on the place. he likes chocolate, and cookie dough, and those ice creams loaded with lots of other sweets inside them. mind you, i don't think he has ice cream like that regularly or he'd definitely get sick of it, but when the opportunity arises trust he'll be asking for all the extras and sprinkles.

for hot drinks—CXS likes coffee! i don't think he Always liked coffee, because it's such an acquired taste especially when you're younger. during uni he probably got into it in the quest to stay up and meet those damn deadlines lol. so he grew used to drinking it from there. he either: takes his coffee black but with quite a bit of sugar (which LG tuts at him for) or he has it milky.

his cold beverage of choice....he kind of gives me standard iced coffee + extra sugar + chews on the leftover ice cubes after lmaoo. he also does indulge QL when she drags him to a pop up shop to get a limited time Novel Iced Beverage.

lu guang: doesn't like ice cream 😞 if it's really hot he'll have ice lollies/popcicles and if you held him at gunpoint and told him he HAD to choose, he'd choose vanilla. however, he will sometimes have spoonfuls/a bite of CXS's ice cream. Occasionally. more often than he'd willingly admit. CXS always makes fun of him, saying, "you don't even like ice cream, so why are you suddenly so eager to have mine?" (he never stops him though)

hot beverage: i did go over this a little in QL's section hehe, but let me elaborate! i think LG prefers tea, but has a robust beverage routine, in which he'll have black coffee (no sugar. ok sometimes maybe a teaspoon. but only Sometime) with his breakfast. then in the evenings he'll have his tea (sometimes with QL). I like to think though he mostly has green tea, he really likes oulong. CXS pokes fun at how devoted LG is to this routine of his, and in turn LG will lecture him about how having caffeine after a certain hour is bad for him and really, he ought to be drinking more tea for its health benefits, etc, etc

cold beverage: because we know that LG doesn't like overly sweet things, but likes boba, i can't help but to think he enjoys most forms of iced tea. like he'll make himself homemade iced tea during the summer and have it all throughout the day!

ok ok im done now apologies this is so long-winded i am nothing if not overly detailed about my blorbos

[gibblegabber]

2o24 recap! ...sorta

all previous years got deleted for location concerns and i won't say much from this year. half of the year was Not Good. but the other half was Pretty Good?

stayed very close to my favorite cartoon for the first half of the year. i was very, VERY sick for a good chunk of it, and genuinely having online friends around often and having cartoons to focus on is what got me through it. and my husband, who put up with A LOT of bullshit dealing with a sick wife for months. also Kick Buttowski's attitude is infectious, you feel like you can do anything when you're in that mindset, and it helped lots! joined a KB:SD server and made some new friends. i met Kick's VA at a local convention too!!

an arcade opened up near us and i spend, uhhh,,, a lot of time there. usually once a week, sometimes more if people are around, but i have a consistent DDR schedule now both on cab and on home setup, and it slaps. it SLAPS. i fucking love DDR and when i get too old and my legs stop working i might as well just drop dead tbqfh.

met Khaliar and Ginger this year! i gave them drawings and letters written in Irken and we fooled around in a bookshop for a few hours, i was too sick to stick around in the city very long so my other plans fell thru but i'm happy the stars aligned to let me meet them at least!!

in the spring i got SO sick that i stopped eating, sleeping and driving far. almost lost my job from being unable to work. it was a virus at first and then anxiety took the reigns and things just got? really bad? i still can't travel because of it. BUT i love food again and can sleep easily and all things considered, we have to look at the bright side and take victories where we can. they're small for me compared to my peers. but i'll keep building on it in 2025.

over the summer we had ARTFIGHT!! and a sudden (?) WOY obsession!! joined another server and watched all of season 2 with Vermi and Hux and a bunch others, it was SO fun! affected who i attacked in AF for sure lmao, sorry to most of my Irken and Vortian bookmarkssss aaaaa (but still got a Vort Mass attack in >:3!)

the fall was probably when i got back to feeling mostly normal again. we had just closed on a new condo, so there were pressing matters to deal with and it helped shake me out of my own head and focus on those things. lots of construction and 700 things going wrong later, and we moved in! it's awesome, we lived in what was basically a single room before, and this is sooooo much more comfortable and it's been so fun to decorate and make our own.

the fall has also been a mini Weeb Phase(TM), i fucking guess. got really into Dandadan thanks to my wonderful friends, but i was PAINFULLY into it to the point that waiting for updates was just sooo hard. so i asked for recommendations for anime/manga to fill the void and instead of TAKING those SUGGESTIONS and WATCHING/READING THEM i instead went back to my favorite anime of all time. which is. regrettably. Osomatsu-san. truly the garbage dump of anime. but i missed the boys so. here we are. i um, bought a hoodie (got 3 of them now), and figures, and DVDs, and i can't fuckignnnnn stop, and uhhh aaaaaaaa anyway. also played lots of webfishing and minecraft with friends, it's been A Lot of fun and feels a lot less, idk. alone? than the beginning of the year felt.

goals from 2023 for 2024 included find a new place to live (done!) and travel around the northeast more (not done!)

definitely need to push the envelope for 2025, or i'll be stuck physically in the same place forever. i was happy in my job last year but not now, so i've been casually applying. bigger place means higher bills so, aughghghh. i still want to learn Japanese, which is extremely difficult with zero self-discipline and eternal distractions. i started in 2022 and then got distracted by like, World's Longest Invader ZIM Obsession and dropped it. so i'll try but it just is what it is unless i can get into local courses with grades on the line.

uhhhmmmm appreciate my friends more. i love them soooo much. have fun. be less afraid of sharing my writing. stop being worried about getting cancelled over fictional characters, they are god damn fictional. HAVE. FUN.

[theragethatisdesire]

i’m sorry ur not feeling well 🥺💗 sending you positive vibes tonight!!

for the slumber party plz tell me allll about your favourite character that you don’t currently write about 🙊 i wanna hear all the secret deets

HEY TIFFFFF i appreciate it :( i hope i'm not like being annoying venting on here i'm just so miz and i know my irls are sick of hearing it lolol anyways!!!!

okay my current obsession is gojo. and bc i haven't actually started the fic yet, i don't technically write for him often, only per request. does that count? idk i wanna talk ab gojo lol

just gonna throw everything below a cut because idk where i'm headed with this. minors stay away!

this is like, canonical, but gojo's so fucking annoying LMAO like i just know he is the most obnoxious, can't-sit-still, sarcastic asshole on the planet. he really makes it hard to love him sometimes.

this....is not a spoiler for a fic i'm def not writing (wink wink) but i just don't think gojo could really properly fall for someone who was not powerful. like i think part of his distance from others is his (admitted) narcissism that is somewhat well-earned considering he is....gojo fucking satoru. he needs someone that is at least somewhat towards the top of their ranks in whatever they do.

i also feel like gojo would be encouraging to a fault? like always pushing you further towards your goals, stepping in obnoxiously if your boss doesn't notice you've been working your ass off for a promotion (again, annoying). like he won't rest until you've made progress.

gojo also gets baby girl-ified WAY too much

like hear me out

we see him through the eyes of the kids/around his students in most of s1, and that's not to say he doesn't have the potential to be a playful, lighthearted person *when he wants to be*

but remember that scene of him talking to the jujustu higher-up where the guy tells him to watch his mouth and gojo laughs in his fucking face??

he's an egotistical, all-powerful, ballsy maniac. like gojo is not braiding your hair and cooing in your ear 24/7.

he is slowly backing you into a wall and taking what he wants from you. like sorry he just is.

also gojo strikes me as someone who is ....nasty. like, blood and knife play, gun play, psychopathic kind of nasty in the bedroom. idk if i would personally ever write that, but he's been through so much and seen so much gore you know that that's fucked with his....tastes, so to speak

i do think however that gojo would be absolutely devoted to his partner

like it would take him forever to come around and accept that he now felt responsible for protecting yet another person and that he had accidentally formed a connection (i see gojo as also having a very weird relationship with his humanity vs. his divinity but more on that another time)

but once he's around? he's in it for life. i mean, even if you don't ship stsg, you must acknowledge that gojo has never been willing to truly let geto go. he couldn't kill him, refused to believe geto had done that even though geto was showing signs of deteriorating mentally.

he's the same way with his partner. good luck breaking up with gojo because it's going to be a years long process.

gojo loves someone who can push back at him. he doesn't want an entirely submissive partner (kinda like eren!)

he likes someone who will put him in his place, has a sharp tongue, isn't afraid to stand up for themselves or others.

love language is absolutely gift-giving like that man has to spoil his partner he can't help it

size kink. turns his infinity on mid-sex to punish you. wants to have sex where he stands overlooking tokyo in the s1 opening. always takes the blindfold off during sex. huge public sex guy. i said what i said. it's hard being correct.

i could literally go on for HOURS tiff you have no idea the grip this man has on me. i cannot wait to write this fic!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!

thanks for coming to my slumber party lovie kisses from me to u :)

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

My (Updated) Thoughts on Rush Week (Pre Release)

Um...

So I'm not super stoked-

Firstly, the matter of it being randomised and solo Q

I don't HATE this, but I do feel as though it could have been done differently. I wasn't around for Friday 13th the Game and from what I did see of that game, I didn't rate it. I didn't like the gameplay, the characters or the IP (I've never been a Jason girlie, I'm sorry 😞). So the fact that this is a reskin of that game doesn't really excite me.

Now, I personally play a lot of Solo Q Family AND Victim already, because the person I usually play with is kinda out of commission rn and I'm too shy to ask strangers to play with me 🧍 and I have to say, I haven't really enjoyed it. Family is easy, though since I play Sissy, I don't get a lot of kills or like... Much to do? I don't blood rush because that's really fucking annoying when Family do it, I don't go down to the basement every because it's just unfair, so I just kinda run around playing defence until I either run into someone or the game ends. I used to be quite good, but idk. Recently a lot of my passion for the game has gone down, which happens, it's just a bit disappointing personally, but that's a me problem. As for Victim... It has not been fun at all. I haven't escaped much at all since I started playing Solo Q, and I know I'm not "bad" at the game. I taught my friends to play, I used to get a fair few escapes playing on my own, but recently, I'm getting nowhere and it really sucks, especially getting got by Johnny in five swings as Maria 😒

At the same time, I understand that making it a SWF experience would absolutely lead to bulky squads. Like, it already can devolve into bullshit, having six people throwing shit at Johnny? It'd be awful. At the same time... Not even duos?? Like, they could ensure they wouldn't be Johnny and a Victim, it could be easily done, I'm sure. But 2 against 1 is nowhere near as bad as 4 or 6 against 1. And then the randomisation makes sense for this mode, I guess?? Because it did for F13, but it's not really my thing. It's personal, but I also can't really see how else they'd do it, lobbies would be ridiculous.

The Sorority Girls Being Nameless

Yeah... Absolutely not.

I couldn't quite articulate my feelings on this matter, but @/rlnzlers on Twitter actually said it in a way I completely agree with:

It feels fucking tacky!!!

The Slasher Genre has always been controversial. Not for anyone with a brain (sorry 😶); those of us who are media literate and old enough to like, understand very basic concepts can see that reality and fiction are different things. You can make a movie about Michael Myers going to town on some teens, and that doesn't make you responsible for teen murder stats. Even if someone said "I wanted to be Michael Myers", that's a personal choice on them and they clearly need help and should get that help. It is not, nor will it ever be, on the creator of a piece unless they literally actively say "Go forth! Murder the youth, my children!!!!"

But regardless, it's controversial to those who don't get it. And a lot of early Slashers, the inventors of the genre, made it so the victims of these kills were people. That's the whole point, it's a tragedy of these people being killed in brutal, cool ways and then someone fighting evil and, more often than not, surviving to see the sun. Hell, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre works so well because we get to know the characters pretty well before they're killed! I thought Kirk was a sweetie, and seeing him die first sucked!! And then slowly they're whittled down until only Sally remains and she's traumatised!!! Obviously, not every Slasher goes that way. There was a good few years of "everyone sucks and then they die in a sick ass way" in Slasher movies, but most people don't like those films. They don't feel good, they don't feel like anything. Its misery and gore for misery and gore's sake.

Not to mention how close to Ted Bundy Johnny already was, this attack on the Sorority House is making him even closer to him. And so the fact that the girls are nameless, soulless and have no history?

It's gross. I'm sorry, I find it gross.

There are implications to things. Crazy, I know. But seeing the love and care that went into the original 8 Victims, only for this group of girls who exist only to be cunty cosmetics for that side of the fan base who just want hot, skinny girls to play dress up with and "be the final girl" without any of the history or meaning behind the title..? It's gross. They don't even have names! They're just bodies for Johnny to kill, and they're all women!! Like I'm sorry, I'm not exactly stoked to see a character I really find interesting and love slash his way through a bunch of women.

"but Liz, he's a cannibal serial killer"

I fucking know that, thanks, but at the same time, there is room for nuance?? Like, Johnny stalks and kills girls. Why? What reason does he have? Why is Maria special and different to him enough to keep alive? Why is he still doing this five years later? It's more than "nooo not my blorbo! He would never!" He would, but not like this. Not in such a way that feels like a real life true crime case. Because it feels like I'm watching someone put on makeup and tell me about The Sorority Slashings of 1978, not a fun game where I get to either slash or escape. It's not fun watching soulless women in a university get brutalised. It's not fun watching anyone who exists purely to die get brutalised. It makes me uncomfortable in a way that Slashers typically avoid. And it makes me especially upset because the Devs have done such a good job at making the characters so interesting and tragic and alive up until now. Ana and Maria's story is amazing! The female Victims have all been incredibly compelling to learn about and play as, I love each and every one of them and hope that Maria is able to somehow survive.

Knowing that Rush Week is just "Johnny kills six girls at school"? I doubt it. I did hold out hope that maybe in some fucked up way, the pair would actually make it work, and he'd kill Nancy, they'd run off together and either he'd stop killing for her or he'd kill in secret to get his feelings out and come home to her at the end of the day. I think it's more than clear now that Maria dies at the Slaughter House. Which really sucks, not only because she's our "Definitive Final Girl", but because I think it makes a much better story where she gets to live. But again, that's an opinion, everyone is entirely entitled to want the story to go whichever way they think it should, it's the Dev's decision in the end.

Idk. I'll give it a shot when it comes out, but they would have to release something AMAZING on that Content Pass for me to buy it for the early access. And I am excited to hear about what's happened post the main game!! We only know about Spring 1973, August 1973 and then 1986, there's so much time in between for stuff, especially with Johnny and Sissy and where they go once the Massacre in Newt is over. But I am more than disappointed that the direction the Devs have gone in is simultaneously fan-service-y towards (imo) some of the worst demographic (girlie on TikTok who want to play dress up with cunty outfits that aren't even period appropriate and are fatphobic to Julie, Maria and fucking Bubba because the worst thing you can be in the WORLD is not ozempic skinny, apparently), and does so in a way that gives us nothing but a shitty F13 reskin. We don't even have new characters, we have new blank slates to put whatever we want over. So many people have said if they wanted the fans to make their own lore, they could have incorporated a small character creation mode, but they haven't. And might I just add that we're also getting more characters of colour finally, but that they are also nameless bodies for Johnny to kill?

Idk. It's tacky and I don't like it. I'll give it a shot when it comes out for free, but I can't see it being my thing. I hope for the rest of you, you really enjoy it and I REALLY hope that Johnny gets some good fucking lore in this mode, but I'm not holding my breath, unfortunately.

And like, please tell me what y'all think!! I'm more than willing to have a conversation about this (so long as people are civil and polite ofc)!!!

[reds-skull]

So my thoughts on the train wreck that was mw3

(spoilers... obviously)

I reblogged a post talking about this a few hours ago, and it talked about this issue better than I could, but the mission with Samara made me grind my teeth literally. It doesn't mention that at the end of the mission, when she's forced to wear a bomb vest and hold a glock, in order to get to the detonator to stop the bomb you need to go through a crowd of people. I didn't shoot them but the game encourages you to. jsyk.

It's really fucked.

Overall, I'll be honest I didn't take anything too seriously. I heard it's a shitshow so I just looked for the full half of the cup. I also had a feeling someone's gonna die so I was scared for everyone all the fucking time.

[continued rent below]

My favorite parts are where Graves and Shepherd show up actually, since everyone's so fucking done with their bullshit it's so funny. Ghost straight up asking Laswell to airstrike them killed me, Soap being feral is a highlight.

Shepherd being the prisoner made me laugh idk I can't take that fucker seriously.

I liked seeing more of Farah and Alex. Playing as price was also interesting.

Liked seeing what happened in Verdansk that was cool.

Now for the shit... I was expecting a sort of chasing around the world part 2 after a couple of missions. And that's what it is? Kinda? I'll be honest I'll need to rewatch to understand what was going at the start...

Now for the last mission... I saw people talking about Soap's death coming out of nowhere and I can't help but disagree? Like since Verdansk with Makarov threatening Soap and then Shepherd telling him it will all come back to bite him in the ass... I knew it will be him.

But did it make sense for him to die at that moment? That is harder to tell, I think they're aiming for his death to be a catalyst for Price, to be more ruthless. We see that with him killing Shepherd, like Soap wanted to.

Was it necessary for Price's arc to have Soap die? Not really. He was already set on killing Makarov at the start of the game. I guess you could say he's not tolerant of Shepherd and Graves' grey morality, but they didn't really pose a threat to the 141 after mw2. Shepherd went off the grid and Graves was busy with Farah and Alex.

In general I was surprised that was the last mission. It felt really jarring, even if I know it's supposed to lead up to mw4.

Small note gameplay wise (and glitches) I actually liked the changes, but that's because my favorite games are stealth based, so having the option for it was more fun for me. But I see the average cod player not enjoying it (not really what they signed up for).

I was actually feeling like if I had the option to return the game I would, but it's a dlc and I sure have more than 3 hours on mw2 so I can't...

(first time I buy a triple A game on release and that's what I fuckin get... kinda deserved ngl lmao)

The 2 main things that should be taken away from this are that first this was an impossible game to make in a year, there's a lot of overworking we didn't see behind the scenes, and we can thank the execs and the current nightmare that is the triple A games industry. You can't make a good game at that short of a time.

Second thing is, this is cod. As much as it wants to criticize the military, on the bottom line they got ties with the American military complex. Because of that, Call of Duty will never be an accurate view of the army, and will always glorify western military.

I honestly was agreeing with some of the stuff the villeins say at times when they criticize the good guys. But the villeins are often so over the top evil you can't really agree with them. And that's the point, isn't it?

So it will always have that issue. My interest in this story is purely from a narrative point, irl I come from an extremely militaristic place so I'm sick of all that shit propaganda. Might be obvious for the rest of you, but for the ones that are not... do your research. Learn about how propaganda works. I promise it will be useful to you at one point in your life.

(getting sidetracked here... sorry recent events really bring up some emotions. Mostly anger.)

Just as a sidenote about my own comics - I'm just gonna straight up ignore mw3. Might work with the Verdansk backstory because I liked that, but in general just imagine I'm going off on a tangent. As much as I like angst I want it more emotionally fueled than the campaigns, so if anyone dies, it's on my terms!

I've been really fucking busy with uni so it might take a while, but I'm working on a nice fluffy comic (with an idea I've planned months ago so it's completely unrelated to mw3)

Whoever's still reading, I'll cya then!