#but i hate the thought that people I report to now have a negative perception of me

[avatar-legends-confessionblog]

the “i love you azula, i do” was a hallucination & can’t be counted as an argument. it doesn’t matter whether or not ursa loved her daughter, azula is still a product of neglect & ursa’s parenting (& favouritism of zuko) had a negative effect on her well-being. keep in mind azula was eight when ursa left. her formative years were spent without anybody to love & nurture her. zuko had iroh, azula didn’t.

^^response to ask about people rooting their arguments in headcanon and also heavily rooted in headcanon

I don't know how to tell you this. But, what the hallucination represents and whether it represents truth or not is also a headcanon. As well as whether Azula can be considered a 100% reliable narrator when claiming her mother thought she was a monster. We do see Ursa making Zuko play with Azula (classic loving mother behavior) we don't see her treating Azula like a monster. Also, Azula said, "my mom liked Zuko more than me" not that she didn't like her. (And, the only time we see what she is doing while Zuko is having time with their mom, she is with her friends.)

In regards to the mirror scene, Ursa says many things. First she says Azula always had "beautiful hair" is this a lie? Then she says "I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation." Is this a lie? (the argument that this is a lie is the biggest) Then she says "I think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee." Is this a lie? Then "I love you, Azula. I do." Is this also a lie?

If you take it as all a lie than Ursa hated Azula's hair, Ursa would not have attended Azula's coronation even if she was still around, Azula didn't use fear to control people and Ursa didn't love Azula. Some of it, is definitely true. The only thing in it we can definitely confirm is true. (Using fear to control people) So people are just as right to headcanon the hallucination as true as you are to headcanon the hallucination as false. (Both are headcanons/interpretations)

"It doesn't matter if Ursa loved her daughter," the post is literally analyzing the two alternate headcanons in the fandom based on whether or not Ursa thought Azula was a monster and treated her badly because of it. Yes, whether or not Ursa loved her daughter is relevant when discussing that.

The neglect, is also a headcanon. Azula canonically had the affection and preferential treatment of their father. This might be considered worthless due to him being abusive but Azula didn't have nobody. She had a bad person loving and nurturing her. Which isn't technically neglect unless you headcanon that Ozai neglected her also.

Ursa left to save Zuko's life. Are you under the impression that Zuko's life is worth less than Azula's happiness? If a parent is arrested or otherwise forcefully separated from their children, that isn't neglect. The child can feel neglected but it isn't the parent's fault.

It is implied Ursa favored Zuko but we do not know the extent of it or if Azula's perception of it was influenced by the manipulations of Ozai or the fact she believes that she genuinely deserves better than Zuko ("You can't treat me like Zuko!"). We have no idea what Ursa did (in the show) other than likely spend more time with Zuko. The rest is headcanon.

(Also, since you mentioned Iroh. We are literally shown Azula hating Iroh in a flashback before he even comes back. While Zuko is shown liking Iroh. Now her hate is generally considered to be the result of Ozai's manipulation but is Iroh obligated to make the effort to help a child that isn't his, hates him and is liable to report his efforts to her father which would result in him being unable to help either child? Maybe. But Iroh isn't actually responsible for either child. He is responsible for the fire nation, so him targeting the child who is supposed to be the heir (albeit not in practice but by law of succession) makes logical sense if he wants to end the war and build a better fire nation.)

X

[the-writer-is-always-write]

Can you expand on the impact of islamophobia on dune please? I felt like a lot of parts of it made me feel… a way (I loved the film DONT get me wrong but I’m still untangling my thoughts and feelings) I don’t know if it was harmful at all but there were times where I felt uncomfy or maybe just very aware of the differences between characters

Does that make sense ? I’m getting too into my head so I would love to hear someone’s perspective (since you’re the only person I’ve seen commenting on it)

There are definitely other people more equipped to answer this than I, but I will do my best. To clarify, I am not a Muslim or an expert on Islamic or Middle-Eastern culture so please feel free to add on with any corrections or other insight.

Basically, Dune (the novel) was published in 1965. There are a LOT of Arabic and Islamic influences in the Fremen culture. A lot of the names were taken from Arabic words, or made to sound Arabic, and the Fremen culture was loosely based off the Bedouin tribes. There are a lot of parallels between the ecological and sociological exploitation of Arrakis and the ongoing exploitation of countries in the Middle East that began in the early 1900's when oil was discovered in Persia (Modern-day Iran). With those parallels in mind, it's easy to see how the novel is critical of exploitation in both the fictional world of Arrakis and our own world as well. I wasn't as worried about these themes being overlooked, and in fact I think the film did a good job bringing in those themes from the beginning when Chani asks "who will our next oppressors be?"

Now. The most noticeable influence from Islam is the theme of jihad, and this is the one I was worried about. From the very beginning of the novel when Paul does the Gom Jabbar test, he becomes aware of this "terrible purpose" that he must fulfill. He has visions and knows that this purpose is inevitable, it is his destiny, and there is no escaping it no matter how hard he will try. This sense of "terrible purpose" follows him all the way until the end of the first section of the book (the book is divided into three mini-books, for those who haven't read it). At the end of this first section, this "terrible purpose" is revealed to be jihad. It's the first time the word jihad is used, and it effectively communicates the dread that Paul feels. Paul doesn't want this, but he knows it is his destiny. There's a crucial interplay between the messianic narrative and the jihadist narrative, but that's a discussion for another post. For the sake of this discussion, it's just important to know that jihad is the word that Herbert uses, and it comes up many times throughout the rest of the novel and the series. Essentially, it's one of the book's most significant themes.

Now, fast-forward to 2020. We're living in a VERY different world than Herbert did, and Islamic culture and religion are seen much more negatively than they were in Herbert's time. (I admittedly don't know much about how Islam and Muslims were perceived during the 1960's, but I'm certain that if it was bad before, it is much worse in the 21st Century). Especially in America, where we live in a post 9/11 context in which one event shaped the way that a lot of our society perceives Islam and Muslims. This perception is predominantly negative. I didn't have any specific examples off the top of my head, but a five-minute google search found this: the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) recently released a report on the long-term effects of Islamophobia in America over the last 20 years. It gives some insight into how these stigmas have been perpetuated by the government, and it has some statistics and examples of hate crimes against Muslim-Americans. Basically, it's bad.

Now imagine that you're a Hollywood executive, funding and producing a movie based primarily off of Arabic culture with some heavy Islamic themes revolving around jihad - something often associated with 9/11 and used to justify the subsequent War on Terror. How do you market a movie to white-American audiences? Well, if you remember the first trailer for Dune released last September, there's a crucial line that Paul says: "there's a crusade coming."

You might be thinking, "well a crusade and jihad are kinda the same thing, right?" Technically speaking, both are essentially religious warfare. But how do you think Christians would react if we started calling the Crusades the Jihads? It would not be good. And rightfully so, because the concepts emanate from very different cultures with many different connotations and nuances behind them. But the idea of a "crusade" makes the film more marketable to certain audiences still living with biases and tendencies radiating from islamophobia, because a holy war based in Christian principles is more digestible and sympathetic to white-American culture. This article by a professor of Islamic Studies does a really good job explaining how this line goes against the central themes of the book and misrepresents what the "holy war" really is within the context of Dune. It also explains jihad better than I could, and from a better perspective than I could ever give.

Going into the movie, I was very concerned for how they would handle the subject of jihad. Overall, I think they did a good job of alluding to it and creating the sense of dread within Paul as he comes to terms with what's in store for his future. Visually, I think they got the idea of jihad even without saying the actual word. For now, I'm alright with the fact that they didn't explicitly say jihad, but that opinion may change once we see Part 2 (I'm expecting and hoping that Part 2 will be a little more explicit).

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[katzirra]

Finding myself still upset a week later. Tired with the idea that no matter if I'm in the wrong or not, I'm usually expected to either reach out and apologize first because I'm sad at the distance, or just act like nothing happened.

And it's not just this time. Which is the bigger issue. It's this reoccurring thing in my life, which has, in the long term, fucked up my perception of my own allowed emotions. With BPD I'm already invalidating myself, constantly thinking I'm over reacting. The issue has become that I'm rarely if ever over reacting now, because I'm too scared to even open up or feel around people at ALL now. Which I also get told is a problem, how I don't share and open up more - like I use to. It's a fucking loop.

I have people mad every few years that I can't be the friend they want me to be. And when I am transparent about my capabilities and my personal needs, I'm told I basically have to remind them about it when they get upset. It's not my job to keep apologizing... It's like, I'm sorry I am how I am. I also don't want to be like this, but it's how I am these days. I also think it sucks.

But I can't keep apologizing and hating myself for someone's expectations of me that I've been clear about what I can handle... And there's this weird reflection of that in that I'm told I don't owe anything to anyone or whatever, but it feels backhanded and passive in a way that never lays well with me when people say it? Like sometimes it feels like people put words in my mouth? If that makes sense...? It's like when people project their anger on my tone when 9/10 I'm depressed, tired and my tone is honestly flat. Like now.

Getting upset at me over and over again, doesn't help me to be closer to you either. It makes me constantly hear I'm a disappointment and I'm fucking up or hurting you, because I'm not pushing myself to do more than I'm capable of emotionally and mentally. I apologize constantly and it becomes a huge thing of what did I do wrong now.... And again, that's not an isolated incident. It's numerous observations. I feel guilty for taking up time, when I'm not feeling good enough for the person. Does that even make sense?

I'm just tired of hating myself for not being the person people want me to be. I am transparent about my energy levels, my abilities to be a friend. I give so much of myself, and I admit that I have no perception of time outside of if I'm working or not, or when I work next. I constantly tell people this. Most people understand, but it's the ones that don't that I feel bad over, and who have more weight somehow...

I think the other thing upsetting me lately is, it wasn't the first time someone pretty much told me that my responses were apparently too long or too much and it was literally in response to their messages. And it just... Idk. People want to vent and yell and rant at me, but not read my responses? Intention or not. It settled in my chest weird and caused a big mental shut down for me in terms of feeling worth someone's time. It just...Idk. It hurt. It's still hurting. It's that feeling of why should I bother with something if that's how the person feels about my feelings. That they're only worth glossing over, when I make sure I read and respond appropriately to things... It hurt a lot. And it kind of just felt like why are you bothering with ME?

It's like how I got reprimanded for saying I felt like a filler friend. Those are my feelings. I'm allowed to feel them. Being yelled at or being told i shouldn't feel that way when history of numerous friendships proves it to be a valid feeling is...what??

I...mm. It made me feel like a fucking freak or something honestly. Like I'm a weirdo for responding to people's messages thoroughly? And it's not the first time, and maybe previous times are why I have such aversion to talking at length about myself and my feelings now.

I've just sort of put everything at a distance since. A few friends have texted me, and I've been working on fixing some friendships via opportunities that have arisen. But that shit cut me deep, and made me feel weird about friendships in general again. Like maybe I'm not supposed to be anyone's friend because apparently I can't do it right. I...try to be there when people need me, and reapond when spoken to, I make time to see people when they want to and even ask people when I feel safe enough to or am not exhausted from work...even when I'm exhausted I do...I buy lunch or dinner every time people come over because I feel if you come here, I owe you that much... Or Becca or I cook dinner... I....??

I like to think I'm a good and valuable friend, otherwise I guess people wouldn't be upset with me...but also like...I deserve respect that I'm not who I use to be, probably never will be again, and I'm constantly pushing myself more than I should because I love the people in my life, or I wouldn't make the space and time for them that I try to... I have faults, I'm not perfect, but I try to be as kind and courteous and considerate as I can be... I'm genuinely interested in things and engage when I can... Idfk. It's not.enouvh. But I'm never going to BE enough for people.

I shouldn't have to report to people when I'm not feeling well. I will make a post to social media because I catch myself, and it's easier to make a vague post about myself or a generalized comment so if someone is inclined to talk to me further, they can on their own engagement terms because I've also had friends who get mad I vent too much!!

It's like no matter what I do, I understand people are all different, but I've had such negative reactions from basic shit that I don't know how to be a person at times. Trauma shapes us, and I hate the mangled form of an incorrectly thrown vase I've become, but I'm trying to fix it and it's DIFFICULT.

But yaknow, I'm sure I'm just being dramatic or something. Or I'm the asshole. I don't think I've actually ever had someone hurt me and apologize after I've told them it hurt me. At least not sincerely. It's always met with defensive energy, like I'm a jerk for it?? Tone is a weird thing...

Which is EXACTLY why I don't tell people when they hurt me, because it blows up.in my face as I'm in the wrong, and my anxiety and energy peak and I just feel remorse for TRYING. So I'm not expecting anything to ever change in my life, and especially with my avoidance of Discord and Twitter right now.im super not expecting shit. It might be months before I check my messenger or.notes there becauee that's how my anxiety triggers with this shit. Friendship issues and potential abandonment and shit just make me give up on existing in shared spaces. That's avoidance ans I'm sure there's a million things to be said about it about me, but it just sucks. The way my anxiety makes me feel.in regards to these topics where I'm expected to trust people, but if I speak up.i feel immediately on edge because the reaction is that I'm bad and wrong...man. No, that feels bad. I hate it. And maybe that's why I'm so unfeeling anymore. Detached, as jt were...

Life's a fucking mess, and I need to take care of myself because my mental.heslth has been in scary places lately. And I don't try and burden people with it at all, because those are my demons. But also, like, I fake a lot of happiness and save face online, and like...that takes a lot out of me.

But... I'm tired.of not.letting myself be upset when someone severely hurts me on a fundamental level.for myself. I'm allowed to be hurt this.time. It sucked. Ans I don't know what to do anymore, because I'm tired of the energy suck of being told I'm basically in the wrong.

I feel resigned to just not have friends honestly. Like I'm too fucked in the head to have them, I guess?? That's what it feels like. I don't know what to do, I just... Don't want to exist honestly. Everything is already too much every day.

I gotta get ready to sleep because good ol work tomorrow and another day of autopilot. I've done nothing but come home, sleep, and wake up at 8pm and space out for three or four hours and go back to bed all week.

I'm burnt out on existing ans that thought brings me actual terror some days.

[shadowfromthestarlight]

The moment a group of people stormed the Capitol building last Wednesday, news  companies began the process of sorting and commoditizing information that  long ago became standard in American media.

Media firms work backward. They first ask, “How does our target demographic want to  understand what’s just unfolded?” Then they pick both the words and the facts  they want to emphasize.

It’s why  Fox News uses the term, “Pro-Trump protesters,” while New York and The Atlantic use “Insurrectionists.” It’s why conservative media today is stressing how Apple, Google, and Amazon shut down the “Free Speech” platform Parler over  the weekend, while mainstream outlets are emphasizing a new round of  potentially armed protests reportedly planned for January 19th or 20th.

What happened last Wednesday was the apotheosis of the Hate Inc. era, when this  audience-first model became the primary means of communicating facts to the population. For a hundred reasons dating back to the mid-eighties, from the advent of the Internet to the development of the 24-hour news cycle to the end of the Fairness Doctrine and the Fox-led  discovery that news can be sold as character-driven, episodic TV in the  manner of soap operas, the concept of a “Just the facts” newscast designed to  be consumed by everyone died out.

News companies now clean world events like whalers, using every part of the  animal, funneling different facts to different consumers based upon  calculations about what will bring back the biggest engagement kick. The  Migrant Caravan? Fox slices  off comments from a Homeland Security official describing most of the  border-crossers as single adults coming for “economic reasons.” The New York Times counters  by running a story about how the caravan was deployed as a political issue by a Trump White  House staring at poor results in midterm elections.

Repeat this info-sifting process a few billion times and this is how we became, as none other than Mitch McConnell put it last week, a country:

Drifting apart into two separate tribes, with a separate set of facts and separate realities, with nothing in common except our hostility towards each other and mistrust for the few national institutions that we all still share.

The flaw in the system is that even the biggest news companies now operate under the assumption that at least half their potential audience isn’t listening. This leads to all sorts of problems, and the fact that the easiest way to keep your own demographic is to feed it negative stories about others is only the most  obvious. On all sides, we now lean into inflammatory caricatures, because the  financial incentives encourage it.

Everyone monetized Trump. The Fox  wing surrendered to the Trump phenomenon from the start, abandoning its  supposed fealty to “family values” from the Megyn Kelly incident on. Without  a thought, Rupert Murdoch sacrificed the paper-thin veneer of  pseudo-respectability Fox  had always maintained up to a point (that point being the moment advertisers  started to bail in horror, as they did with Glenn Beck). He reinvented Fox as a platform for  Trump’s conspiratorial brand of cartoon populism, rather than let some more-Fox-than-Fox imitator like OAN sell the  ads to Trump’s voters for four years.

In between its titillating quasi-porn headlines (“Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting To Get Hands on Lindsay  Lohan, Inmate Says” is one from years ago that stuck in my mind), Fox’s business model has  long been based on scaring the crap out of aging Silent Majority viewers with  a parade of anything-but-the-truth explanations for America’s decline. It  villainized immigrants, Muslims, the new Black Panthers, environmentalists —  anyone but ADM, Wal-Mart, Countrywide, JP Morgan Chase, and other sponsors of  Fortress America. Donald Trump was one of the people who got hooked on Fox’s  narrative.

The rival media ecosystem chose cash over truth also. It could have responded to  the last election by looking harder at the tensions they didn’t see coming in  Trump’s America, which might have meant a more intense examination of the  problems that gave Trump his opening: the jobs that never came back after  bankers and retailers decided to move them to unfree labor zones in places  like China, the severe debt and addiction crises, the ridiculous  contradiction of an expanding international military garrison manned by a  population fast losing belief in the mission, etc., etc.

Instead, outlets like CNN and MSNBC took a Fox-like approach, downplaying issues in  favor of shoving Trump’s agitating personality in the faces of audiences over  and over, to the point where many people could no longer think about anything  else. To juice ratings, the Trump story — which didn’t need the slightest  exaggeration to be fantastic — was more or less constantly distorted.

Trump  began to be described as a cause of America’s problems, rather than a symptom,  and his followers, every last one, were demonized right along with him, in  caricatures that tickled the urbane audiences of channels like CNN but made  conservatives want to reach for something sharp. This technique was borrowed  from Fox,  which learned in the Bush years that you could boost ratings by selling  audiences on the idea that their liberal neighbors were terrorist traitors.  Such messaging worked better by far than bashing al-Qaeda, because this enemy  was closer, making the hate more real.

I came  into the news business convinced that the traditional “objective” style of  reporting was boring, deceptive, and deserving of mockery. I used to laugh at  the parade of “above the fray” columnists and stone-dull house editorials  that took no position on anything and always ended, “Only one thing’s for  sure: time will tell.” As a teenager I was struck by a passage in Tim  Crouse’s book about the 1972 presidential campaign, The Boys in the Bus, describing  the work of Hunter Thompson:

Thompson  had the freedom to describe the campaign as he actually experienced it: the  crummy hotels, the tedium of the press bus, the calculated lies of the press  secretaries, the agony of writing about the campaign when it seemed dull and  meaningless, the hopeless fatigue. When other reporters went home, their  wives asked them, “What was it really like?” Thompson’s wife knew from  reading his pieces.

What Rolling Stone did in  giving a political reporter the freedom to write about the banalities of the  system was revolutionary at the time. They also allowed their writer to be a  sides-taker and a rooter, which seemed natural and appropriate because biases  end up in media anyway. They were just hidden in the traditional dull  “objective” format.

The  problem is that the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction of  politicized hot-taking that reporters now lack freedom in the opposite  direction, i.e. the freedom to mitigate.

If you  work in conservative media, you probably felt tremendous pressure all  November to stay away from information suggesting Trump lost the election. If  you work in the other ecosystem, you probably feel right now that even  suggesting what happened last Wednesday was not a coup in the literal sense  of the word (e.g. an attempt at seizing power with an actual chance of  success) not only wouldn’t clear an editor, but might make you suspect in the  eyes of co-workers, a potentially job-imperiling problem in this environment.  

We need  a new media channel, the press version of a third party, where those  financial pressures to maintain audience are absent. Ideally, it would:

not be aligned with either Democrats or Republicans;

employ a Fairness Doctrine-inspired approach that discourages       groupthink and requires at  least occasional explorations of alternative points of view;

embrace a utilitarian mission stressing credibility over ratings, including by;

operating on a distribution model that as  much as possible doesn’t depend upon the indulgence of Apple, Google, and Amazon.

Innovations like Substack are great for opinionated individual voices like me, but what’s  desperately needed is an institutional reporting mechanism that has credibility with the whole population. That means a channel that sees its mission as something separate from politics, or at least as separate from politics as possible.

The media used to derive its institutional power from this perception of separateness. Politicians feared investigation by the news media precisely because they knew audiences perceived them as neutral arbiters.

Now there are no major commercial outlets not firmly associated with one or the other political party. Criticism of Republicans is as baked into New York Times coverage as the lambasting of Democrats is at Fox, and politicians don’t fear them as much because they know their  constituents do not consider rival media sources credible. Probably, they  don’t even read them. Echo chambers have limited utility in changing minds.

Media companies need to get out of the audience-stroking business, and by extension  the politics business. They’d then be more likely to be believed when making  pronouncements about elections or masks or anything else, for that matter.  Creating that kind of outlet also has a much better shot of restoring sanity  to the country than the current strategy, which seems based on stamping out  access to “wrong” information.

What we’ve been watching for four years, and what we saw explode last week, is a paradox: a political and informational system that profits from division and  conflict, and uses a factory-style process to stimulate it, but professes  shock and horror when real conflict happens. It’s time to admit this is a  failed system. You can’t sell hatred and seriously expect it to end.

Matt Taibbi is one of the only people I subscribe to. He’s one of the few journalists I like because I actually believe he’s genuine.

[firebrands]

a catalog of non-definitive acts | steve/tony (part 2)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, mature, 2k ft. sex and angst | part 1 | ao3

They’re in a different but similarly bland conference room discussing reconnaissance reports when Tony yawns and stretches. It’s not a move, at least, he doesn’t mean for it to be, but his arm lands just along Steve’s shoulders.

(Maybe at this point it’s subconscious, ingrained in him to push boundaries and test his theories. He’s spent more time than he’d like wondering what the limits were after he’d come down Steve’s throat and Steve had tucked him back into his pants, completely nonchalant, and let the elevator continue its descent once Tony had righted himself. Tony had offered, too, to reciprocate; he’s not an asshole, much as everyone would like to think. But Steve smiled and said, next time. There hadn’t been a next time, not yet, and this is why he’s not so sure about the result of this unplanned experiment. He hopes for the best but—) It’s a small movement, almost imperceptible, the shift in Steve’s shoulders as he shrugs off Tony’s arm.

Tony moves slowly as he backs off so as not to draw attention to himself; it feels unnatural to do so, to aim for smallness. A part of him sees the beginnings of a pattern; a bigger part of him chooses to ignore the worry that begins to burrow underneath his skin.

Tony picks up his pen, begins to twirl it around his fingers as he half-listens to Nick and reorients himself with this new information. Of course, it makes sense—Steve wouldn’t be too keen on coming out, even if just to them, and to come out with Tony as his partner—well. This isn’t Tony’s first rodeo. He knows how it goes, knows what people think of him.

He slides down the seat, slouching and stretching out his legs. Besides, he figures, it’s Steve. Not Captain America—Steve. Focused and determined, intelligent and cultured; kind and generous and selfless Steve. Sure, he can be a smartass, and sure, he’s probably going to break Tony’s heart if he carries on like this, but the fact remains: It’s Steve. Tony’s a genius, but even an idiot can see that they’re not a great match. Tony consoles himself with the knowledge that at least, for a while, they have this. Whatever it is. Maybe that’ll be enough. Maybe, Tony thinks to himself, just as the pen spins out of control and skids across the table.

(As the meeting drags on, not once does Tony ask what he wants, or why he wants. Ever since, people have always asked those questions of him; he’s never learned to ask it of himself.)

*

They’re choosing the movie to watch next and Tony rests his hand on Steve’s thigh as he makes a spirited argument for Pacific Rim. Again, it’s not intentional, but Steve jerks his leg from under Tony’s palm so abruptly that Tony stops mid-sentence. No one seems to pay this any heed; Tony touches everyone all the time. (What Tony thinks no one else has noticed, though, is that Steve doesn’t touch anyone.)

Clint picks up the argument on Tony’s behalf (and if anything could grab anyone’s attention, it’s Tony and Clint agreeing on something), which gives Tony the opportunity to look at Steve without fear of—Tony’s thoughts stutter to a halt. Without fear of what, exactly?

Steve’s already looking at Tony, eyebrows drawn together and mouth pinched into a frown. He doesn’t have to say anything, and Tony knows he won’t. What irks Tony is that he’s done this before—before anything. Touched Steve without purpose or design. Now that Steve’s had Tony’s cock in his mouth, he can’t do that anymore? Tony wants to shout, This isn’t fair! But then he knows how he’ll sound. So instead, he gets up from his seat beside Steve and walks to his workshop without saying a word to anyone else. No one follows after him. This is another thing everyone’s become used to, Tony leaving suddenly, and he’s sure they chalk it up to a sudden stroke of brilliance.

It isn’t that, though, obviously. He knows there isn’t anything for him to repair, but he asks JARVIS anyway, to give himself time to think—by the time JARVIS answers in the negative, Tony picks up the latest version of a gauntlet and gets to fiddling.

He understands himself well enough to know that tinkering isn’t doing anything to clear out his thoughts. If anything, this is one of the few times when what he’s working on begins to mirror the way he’s thinking. The work is imprecise and tangled, and he knows better, he should know better, but in a stunning display that proves every single person who’s called him a genius to be false, he slips the gauntlet on sans plating and tests out the repulsor.

 Tony’s in the middle of reapplying bandages to all the small nicks and cuts on his torso when he hears a knock on his door. It takes him a few more seconds to finish up and answer—when he swings the door open, he reaches out automatically to catch Steve’s wrist just as he’s about to turn away.

“Impatient,” Tony remarks, pulling Steve into his room and shutting the door. Steve tuts in response, but it’s undercut by the gentle way he checks Tony’s bandages.

“Does it hurt?” has asks, hand sliding up Tony’s arm to smooth down the medical tape holding down the gauze on Tony’s forearm.

“Not more than usual,” Tony says.

“JARVIS—” Steve starts.

“I figured,” Tony cuts in. The mention of his AI explains how Steve found out about the explosion and subsequent injury, but not so much why Steve came up to Tony’s room in the middle of the night. Especially when a few hours earlier Tony’s touch seemed so repulsive.

Steve takes Tony’s hands in his and presses a soft kiss to Tony’s fingers. Tony hates the way his breath hitches audibly at the sudden affection, hates that he wants more of it, wants to hoard every single one of Steve’s kisses for a time when they’ll no longer be as bountiful. Tony watches as Steve’s lips curl into a smile, and he looks up at Tony as he brushes his lips against Tony’s knuckles.

Tony lets out a shaky breath, unsure of what to do next, of what he’ll be allowed to do—then Steve takes Tony’s chin in his hand and tilts his jaw up. Steve swallows and looks away for a moment, then turns back to Tony. Tony realizes it’s as much permission he’s going to get, and a small thrill shoots up Tony’s spine as he rises up just a little on his toes, enough to get his face barely an inch away from Steve’s.

So, maybe, maybe this isn’t a good idea, Tony thinks, thoughts racing through his mind so quickly he barely notices the small smile Steve spares him just before kissing him, soft and slow. It gets harder to think when Steve parts his lips open; Tony’s brain recalibrates to begin indexing the way Steve’s skin feels, the way Steve’s muscles shift under his touch, the ridges of wounds on his back that are already beginning to heal.

Steve’s thigh presses against Tony’s, and he walks them back towards Tony’s bed, and oh, god, isn’t that a thought? Tony thinks, already half delirious with Steve’s tongue in his mouth, his palms flush against the swell of Steve’s ass.

Steve barely pulls away, his lips still ghosting against Tony’s when he murmurs, “lie down,” and yes, Tony’s got a problem with authority but somehow his mind has taken this as an offer, not an order.

Tony’s knees are bracketing Steve’s hips and he can feel the curve of Steve’s cock against his. He feels like he’s an engine overheating, like his insides are full of steam and Steve’s the only one who can release the pressure. Vaguely, he realizes that he should be bothered by the way his body is singing with pain and soreness, but nothing else matters. Just Steve, and his hands, and his lips on Tony’s collarbone.

“Steve,” Tony breathes out, once again unable to form words, or any rational thought. Steve responds by sliding his hand down Tony’s side, worming around Tony’s waist to pull him closer. He’s being impossibly tender, pressing soft kisses all over Tony’s chest, his hands skating over the bandages, as if he’s on a mission to map every part of him. “Steve,” Tony says again, more urgently this time.

Steve disregards him, begins to lick and suck gently on Tony’s nipple, smiling slightly as Tony begins to writhe under him. “Harder,” Tony moans, and Steve doesn’t mind him, keeps his maddening pace.

“Please,” and it comes out much softer than he means it to, but all that matters at the moment is it’s what gets Steve to stop and look up at him. Out of everything Steve is doing to him, it’s the look Steve gives him that makes Tony gasp. There’s a word for that look. Tony conveniently forgets what it is.

 Tony’s only half asleep when he feels the bed rise. He keeps his eyes shut as he listens to the rustle of clothing, the soft pad of Steve’s steps, the barely perceptible click of his door opening.

The words are out of Tony’s mouth before he even finishes the thought. “Stay,” he says, then he rolls over to his side, away from the door and Steve’s retreating back. He strains to hear what happens next, remains resolute in his decision to hide after his faux pas. He listens, and hears Steve walk back into the bedroom. He feels the bed dip, then feels Steve settle in beside him.

Tony lets out a small breath, relieved and content now that Steve’s back. Steve wraps an arm around Tony’s torso, takes a breath, and then presses a small kiss to the skin behind Tony’s ear.

Tony bites down on his lip, tamps down on the urge to verbalize his appreciation.

 When he wakes up the next morning, he figures he was right not to say anything else; the bed is large, and empty, and cold. Thankfully, JARVIS increases the room temperature without Tony having to ask.

*

Fury’s intel comes through and the battle versus Justin Hammer’s robots is taxing, not for their ingenuity but because there are so many. It doesn’t help that Tony hasn’t had a decent night of sleep in almost a week (Tony’s lost count of how many times it’s happened between them, but Steve had stayed for a while, curled his body around Tony’s and dozed off on the couch in Tony’s penthouse, only for Tony to wake up alone, again).

Tony’s busy calculating the trajectory of his missiles for maximum impact when he’s suddenly knocked backwards and down by errant debris. He bangs along the fire escapes and the bricks of the opposite wall and lands flat on his back on one of the grimier side streets of New York.

He takes a moment to reorient himself and let out a few choice curse words, and he hasn’t even righted himself up when Steve arrives at his side, breathing hard.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Tony snaps, annoyed by the earnestness of Steve’s tone. The commlink crackles back to life, just in time to hear Steve say: “Tony’s fine.”

Despite this, Steve still does a cursory check of the armor, using his hands to feel for any alarming indents.

“I said I’m fine,” Tony says, irritation clipping his speech.

“Okay, okay,” Steve says, placating. Steve seems to take a moment to center himself, then he reaches over to rest his hand on the cheek of Tony’s helmet. “Just take care, Tony,” he says softly.

Tony sighs, exasperated at this display. He blinks when he notices Steve glance around the alley they’re occupying, and then blinks again when Steve leans forward and presses a kiss to the top of Tony’s helmet. Tony knows he shouldn’t (can’t) feel the warmth of Steve’s lips, but he does; he has the sense memory to fill up the space.

“I will,” Tony acquiesces, and moves to get up. He files the moment away for further dissection, and helps Steve up. They stand beside each other for another second longer than necessary before throwing themselves back into the fray.

*

Tony finally gets Steve alone two days later, late at night in the kitchen. Tony disregards his need for caffeine, instead crowds Steve up against the counter and pulls him in for a kiss.

Steve’s hands immediately settle on Tony’s hips, and then they’re grinding against each other and yes, maybe Tony had intended to make a joke to thank Steve for being the first person to leave him alone in bed rather than the other way around. Intended to make light of the remorse he now felt, for all those times he’d left others. He’d meant to make a joke about the kiss Steve had all but seared into Tony’s forehead, teased him by asking, well, where’d all that affection go, huh?

Yes, yes, yes, he’d meant to, but now Steve’s knee is slotted in between Tony’s legs and Tony doesn’t even try to stop himself from rutting against it.

Steve steers them towards the elevator, hands roaming all over Tony’s arms, Tony’s back, Tony’s chest. Tony pulls away once they’re inside the elevator to direct them to Steve’s floor but Steve beats him to it, and then they’re in Tony’s penthouse, and Tony’s shirt is on the floor, and when did it become acceptable, Tony wonders, that he can’t seem to get a word in edgewise?

Steve fucks him hard against the wall, Tony’s legs wrapped around Steve’s waist as Steve takes, and there’s something to be said about how easily Tony divests control, how delirious with desire he feels when Steve pins him against the wall, growling praise into his ear.

Tony throws his head back sharply when he comes and is rewarded by the starburst of pain in the back of his skull mixed with the pleasure of release. Steve fucks him through it, bites at the exposed column of Tony’s neck. When Steve’s done, Tony’s too spent to stand properly, not that he’d ever admit that out loud. He doesn’t have to, though, and without any preamble Steve carries him back to his bed. He sighs softly when Steve lays him down, closes his eyes as Steve disappears and only opens them when he feels the soft touch of a damp towel on his stomach.

Tony bites down on his lip at the attention, at the strange tenderness of the scene. It’s the perfect time to make a quip, something about care, fondness. But Steve is looking at him so earnestly as he presses a kiss to Tony’s temple that all the words dry in his throat.

He doesn’t make a request for Steve to stay. Steve doesn’t offer.

[echodrops]

I just read your post about shipping and energy and I finished it with an interesting question in mind. A los of the examples you use to defend the theory the "tension" Or energy beetwen the characters have some Interactions that could be consider "Toxic" Así a relationship, but because of that tensión that just make more fans ship it. Emotions of jelaously, hate, self worth bla bla. I would like to know your opinión on Toxic relationships on shipping and the difference (1/2?)

And the difference of how people Accept it depending if the ship is Slash or het. Dont get me wrong. What I try to exploin in My crappy English is that sometimes I have seen shippers calling Toxic and unhealthy het ships (I can give you plenty of examples) but at the same time drowning in feelings about the exact same concept on Slash. It can be domination, bickering, power dinamics etc.   Please a dont send this ina negative context its just something I have notice (2/2)

No worries, I got you. I think your point is really valid and there are a lot of discrepancies in how people ship when it comes to het versus slash.

In this case, my answer to this has three different parts to it:

1) I am always very, very cautious about applying the term “toxic” to a fictional relationship because--and I am aware this is not a popular opinion to have on tumblr--I do see a clear distinction between fiction and reality. Can systemic, widespread efforts in media to normalize something have impacts on public perception? Sure. Japan’s thing for twelve-year-old girls in anime is fucked up, my dudes. But in terms of fictional relationships, would any sane person look at things like, say, a psychopathic villain and hero ship and go “Oh man, Sephiroth/Cloud is such relationship goals; can’t wait to find me a serial killer!”? “Yeah dude, I really hope my next girlfriend is a yandere who will stab me sixteen times in non-vital places for fun!” “I can’t wait to engage in armed combat with my evil boyfriend who has enslaved my best friends and won’t give them back unless I let the rest of the world perish!” ...said no real person ever. Lots of things happen in fiction that we--as readers and viewers--can fully appreciate would never be okay in the real world. (And yes, this does extend even to more realistic things like jealousy, bickering, bullying--I like Bakugou as a character, but I’d never be able to tolerate a person who acted like him in real life.) 

I wholeheartedly believe that, outside of illegal things which should obviously be reported, each person has responsibility only for their own fandom experience, and I highly encourage people to make full use of the blocking and filtering features available in fandom spaces to avoid any content that makes them feel uncomfortable or any ships they find to be unhealthy.

So: My opinion on toxic ships is that virtually any ship in this world could be perceived as toxic by someone, and that the alternative--a world in which the ONLY ships we’re allowed to write about or draw or even just like are those which are perfectly healthy pure pure love-fests--sounds horrible to me.

2) Very few people ship without an endgame in mind. I can’t think of anyone who looks at two characters who absolutely hate each other and thinks “Wow, I can’t wait to write a 100,000 word fic in which their relationship does not evolve in the slightest and they end the story hating each other exactly as much as they did on Day 1!” JK, maybe I can, I was in the Durarara fandom, after all. When people ship “toxic” relationships, it is almost always with the idea of character growth and change in mind--the idea is “They are not healthy for each other now, but the whole point of my story or art is that they’ll become healthy for each other over time.” The power of love can heallll peopleeee.

Are the characters jealous of each other now, aggressive toward each other now, enemies right now? Obviously in the shipper’s mind, these are challenges that can be overcome in time by the characters learning and developing into better versions of themselves. Perhaps this is an overly optimistic worldview that leads people to make bad choices in real life--awful people in real life rarely change as much for the better as characters in fiction are capable of changing, but that’s the beauty of fiction: it doesn’t show us people as they are, but people as we wish they could be. We want to believe that the toxic pair of characters can find common ground and heal each other. That the people who are jealous of each other will instead come to appreciate each other by the end. That the misunderstandings will be cleared up. That mistakes will be forgiven. People typically aren’t shipping a toxic ship because they love toxicity--they’re shipping that relationship specifically because they see potential beyond that tension.

We typically ship with “happily ever after” in mind, with the understanding that the life is too hard and people too flawed for that road to always be an easy one.

3) I think you are right that there is a discrepancy in the way that people view het ships and slash ships; namely, there is a discrepancy between the way het ships and mlm ships are viewed.

There are probably a lot of long and complicated sociological explanations for this that someone with more research in the field could explain better, but my first thought on this is that the discrepancy is based primarily on how fans understand male and female dynamics versus male and male dynamics.

For example, society is coded strongly to view a man who hits, dominates, or is aggressive to a woman as a very, very bad guy. (Perhaps this is something widespread media depictions have normalized?) Whereas “dude kicks another guy’s ass” has a whole different connotation in modern views. It is certainly a double standard, and part of the reason that so many male victims of abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, etc. go ignored. Men are viewed as “too strong” to be victims; therefore, even many of the “wokest” fans can accept two male characters having a violent dynamic, when they would never accept that scenario between a male and female character.

That said, I think we also need to recognize that the way female characters are portrayed in media contributes to this problem. A preponderance of female characters in media are limited in what they can do and the situations they are allowed to engage in. As with BNHA, for example, “good” women are not allowed to be violent, jealous (other than over boys), aggressive, etc. Women are simply treated as not eligible for a wide variety of the dynamics that fictional men are written with. A male character having a superiority-inferiority complex over his also-male rival? Not surprising in the least. A male character having a superiority-inferiority complex over a female rival? Pshhh, yeah right. A female character bitterly jealous over a male character’s power, leadership, or skill? Surely she just admires his ability. Through a combination of misogyny and toxic masculinity, the stories themselves tell readers that unhealthy dynamics are commonplace and acceptable when they happen between two males, while “good” female characters should only be a source of healthy, supportive dynamics.

If we’re talking about unintended messages that writers send readers/viewers when it comes to character dynamics, this is definitely one of them!

tl;dr: Writers train their readers to expect and want certain things, but often do so carelessly or while unaware of the ways their own stereotypical societal views and cliche genre conventions will be taken and transformed by fandoms.

[wosoenthusiast]

Webinar: Celebrating LGBT+ Inclusion at Chelsea

I know this event was not recorded so here are some notes from the “Celebrating LGBT+ Inclusion at Chelsea” webinar. Please note: these are NOT direct quotes!! I didn’t start taking super detailed notes until a few minutes into the panel, sorry about that. And I did a quick read through but I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors.

The panel included Chris Gibbons (moderator), Pernille Harder, Sara Matthews, Graeme Le Saux, and Funke Awoderu

----- 

Chris: introduced each panelist and talked a little about rainbow laces

Graeme: (general point: we’ve made a lot of progress in the last 5-10 years, especially since I retired. Sorry, I wasn’t taking as detailed notes right at first)

Funke: (general point: Authentic support is so important.)

Sara: Sport brings people together. Chelsea is a brand with international following and a huge platform. Zero tolerance policy for a long time, internal and external. Demonstrating by doing not just by saying. Want to understand their demographic, look at areas where they are less diverse and how to address that. Look at who works in football, show a different type of recruitment.

Chris: I was nervous about being an out gay man coming into working at the FA. I asked in my interview about whether it was an open environment for a gay man and got a very thorough answer about anti-discrimination policies. Has that developed?

Funke: Yes, if you can’t see it, you can’t be it. Data tells us something. Use it well to inform you plans. Proud of the LGBTQ+ people in the FA and their contributions. Don’t want to put people in boxes so we are trying to build a progressive, diverse environment. Learn from others and people’s lived experiences. Listen to the stories people tell. We’re on the right road. If you can’t see it, you can’t be it. And it needs to happen on the leadership level.

Chris: Welcome to Chelsea, Pernille. I want to understand your experience of culture in the women’s game- previous clubs, international, and now being new to Chelsea. Women’s game is known for being open. What are your thoughts/experiences?

Pernille: Women’s’ football has always been open about homosexuality. Locker room and fans are very open. In Denmark environment- I wasn’t out, not comfortable. No one else was homosexual. It’s important that you don’t feel alone. I felt a difference right away when I came to Sweden, it was so normalized. I felt I could be myself which is the most important thing.

Graeme: I agree so much. If you feel you’re isolated, it stops you being yourself and others being themselves too. Infrastructure and support and work being done outside the game holding football accountable. Learning from other environments that are further ahead in inclusivity. Pernille, I’m curious, do you think not being out in Denmark held you back?

Pernille: It might, I didn’t think about it at the time. [After coming out], I felt more calm and secure and like I could be 100% self. I felt more honest with myself. It feels better when you trust yourself and what you’re doing. It reflects when you play too.

Chris: Where does it come from? Fans, locker room, Chelsea? What creates a positive, inclusive environment?

P: All individuals are open minded. No one uses sexuality or religion in a negative way. Comes from teammates, staff, everything around you. [It’s important that] the highest leaders in the club are inclusive, affects everyone underneath and what values to act from.

Sara: Reading on stonewalls website 43% of LGBTQ+ people don’t feel welcome at public events (not sure about this stat), such a shame. Being at Kingsmeadow, wow, what a different number that would be. A great place to come enjoy sport and feel very welcome and be a positive perception change.

Chris: We have lots of women’s team fans with us. Go to Chelsea women’s games!! (Mentions Chelsea Pride group and a few other groups and initiatives.) Graeme, why is a group like this so important? Why did you want to be a patron?

Graeme: To get honest feedback from people, get perspectives. Groups of different communities and perspectives are so important. They are a signpost for people who don’t have the confidence or support around them in their own lives. Can help people get into watching football and know that it’s a safe space. Every space should be safe of course, which is the next chapter- people don’t have to work under and umbrella to feel safe and welcome. It’s all built on trust and openness. Willingness to admit you might not get everything right all the time.

Chris: Pernille, you haven’t had much chance to engage with fans at Kingsmeadow, but why do you think these groups are important?

P: It’s important to feel a part of something and not alone. Groups like that help with this. Yesterday, we finally had fans back, 700 I think. I can’t wait to get more. In women’s football, fans love football, they don’t care who you are- sexuality, skin color.

Chris: Funke mentioned before the diversity of LGBTQ+. Trans people still feel a lot of barriers in taking part in sport. In 2014, the FA published policy on trans participation. Do you think football is becoming more inclusive for trans people?

Funke: This is one area that the whole game needs to collaborate better. LGBTQ+ identities are all lumped together right now. Lots of differences in LGBTQ+ community that we’re not considering, more conversations around gender identity, inclusion, education- we need to do the work around the journey for LGB work and apply it to trans inclusion. Now more than ever. There’s so much toxicity and miseducation. If we’re true to ‘the game is for everybody’, we can’t leave trans community behind. To come out as trans is not an easy thing to do, LGB people can pass but trans people sometimes cannot. Educate ourselves, use that to inform policy

Chris: How does that reflect what clubs are doing?

Sara: On the subject of intersectionality- we have to be honest. The data we have today is very recent. People are reluctant to report honestly, there may be fear. From an employer of choice perspective and perception- it’s about fairness, change the stereotype (like who works in football). We’re talking about diversity and inclusion every day. Huge range of departments which means you can bring in a huge range of people with different skills and experiences. You can create a different culture for the organization. Starts at recruitment, put forward the culture of the organization. When she sits in interviews, people ask about DEI, sustainability, corporate social responsibility. People expect their organization to have a narrative and verbalize what they think and feel about discrimination. Chelsea has stepped forward and said zero tolerance but message needs to be confirmed internally. Much more to be done. Education and information- it was not too long ago when women weren’t prevalent in the workforce, but it’s changed. Change happens fast. Lots of new and different people entering the workforce. Listen to people with different perspectives and points of view. We can create a better employee environment by making it so no one is ‘the other’, which comes with diversity

Chris: People have seen news about fans booing when people kneel and other negative reaction and that’s what sticks. What more needs to be done to tackle culture of hate in the stands? ..... Pernille, do you hear much discriminatory language in the stands at women’s game? What’s your experience?

P: No, fan culture is very different in men’s and women’s football. Men’s football is so big so there are a lot of different football fans. It’s difficult to say what to do to change it. It’s important to do something and act. Responsibility of players and other fans- trying to create a different fan culture. Standing up when you hear something. Players need to be stubborn and must stand up for each other.

Chris: Do you think if there was abuse, the response form the women’s game would be robust and quick? More solidarity [than in men’s football]?

P: I don’t know because I haven’t experienced it. I guess so

Graeme: It’s great that you haven’t experienced that. That’s a really big plus.

Chris: Chelsea was the first club to introduce fan re-education (like if a fan was banned for certain language anti-Semitism, they’d have a chance to learn more about why that language was not acceptable). Player re-education exists. How do we get fans to understand this better?

Graeme: It’s important to understand context of where it’s coming from, help someone overcome prejudice by learning something new. Doesn’t send out the right message to just throw someone out. There are a lot of things we grow up with contribute to this ignorance, so figure out where it’s coming from. Set boundaries of what we will and won’t tolerate. Give people a chance to own up to their mistakes. I’ve made some big mistakes in my career and been punished. I was taught to be honest, deal with consequences, and move on. That might remove external pressure. Make transition a bit smoother [as football moves forward], bring more people along

Chris: Funke’s been involved with the Rainbow laces campaign since early days. What impact do you think it has on the pro and grassroots game?

Funke: Immeasurable impact. Every start of the campaign gets better and better with the amount of support. It connect with adult and youth football. People love what the campaign stands for and want to get behind it and support it. Normalizing the playing field, this is a great opportunity to demonstrate the values and culture of your club. Challenge: how to continue to innovate and be creative in conversations and take it to the next level. It continues to grow and grow. More and more, people are taking a personal stand and educating themselves. Campaign has been a success but we won’t rest on our laurels. We must continue.

Chris: I tell youth players about the rainbow laces campaign and they sort of roll their eyes because they learn about and talk about this in school (and with their peers). The culture moving forward will be much more inclusive with the next generation of players. Do you think this will happen in clubs? (I didn’t quite catch this question but I think this is what he asked)

Sara: Yes. People wanted to be associated and show support, bummer we aren’t working at Stamford bridge in person. The next generation is going to be so important. There’s a lot of hate, and standing up against all of is important. People do want to learn- the more you learn, the less afraid you are to ask questions. People are still afraid of offending sometimes too but we’re moving toward really celebrating difference.

Chris: (reads a submitted question out loud about how Pernille is a role model and inspired this person to come out and be themselves) Pernille, how does it feel to be a role model for LGBTQ+ people, not only in sport?

Pernille: It’s great to hear this question. When I was younger, I missed some role models who were homosexual. I try to live as if it’s nothing special. I’m just myself, not hiding anything. That means showing pictures with my girlfriend and just acting normally. I don’t want to do something that doesn’t feel genuine. A lot of people like that I’m just myself and not embarrassed [about being homosexual].

Chris: There are people out there that think you’re a role model too, Graeme. Do you have a sense of the importance of role models?

Graeme: Once you have a profile, you recognize responsibilities associated with that. Whether you like it or not, you become a role model. None of us set out to be a role model. If you take money from sponsors because they think you can sell the product, you should be happy to be a role model, comes with the territory. Some people are more suited to that so it’s important to not hold people to go beyond their comfort. I take great pride in my ability to support things I believe in. I support in public and private and I don’t share everything about myself in public. Stand up and support values and principles, even when it’s not related to me. I was very alone in experience of defending myself [from rumors of being gay] while supporting people around me. It’s a big challenge in many ways. I will always do what I do out of principle. With a profile, you can reach more people.

Chris: Another question for Sara and Funke- what is the club’s response to supporters who have troll comments on rainbow laces posts? Should the club work harder to block and remove those comments?

Sara: The club won’t be dissuaded from doing the right thing. Follow discrimination laws- we will support and take action. Block and report when they can on social media. We do see other people who are posting challenge those comments. Those are important parts, have to work with social media companies, it’s not just trolling in football. Social media companies have to help as well to help manage this

Funke: Any organization driven by principles and values, there will always be haters sharing their view. We take the same measures that Sara just said. Year to year, the ecosystem conversation, calling people out, challenging people back. We know those comments will come. Work with social media companies to have more coordinated effort to take things down. Threshold for football is higher compared to those organizations [social media companies], makes it challenging to take things down immediately 

Chris: Graeme and Pernille, do you deal with trolls?

P: yes, there are a few. There will always be haters, especially when you speak up about your opinion. I mostly ignore them and focus on the positive. More positive than negative, positive people will comment on the negative which is amazing

G: yes, I do. I don’t like to give those people oxygen. As soon as you start engaging, you risk it escalating. Turn to social media companies for support too.

Chris: That’s the end of the hour, thanks all for your time! I’m so looking forward to where these conversations will go in the future.

[ilcaeryx]

Tenacity: Chapter 9 - Cannibalism [Takami Keigo | Hawks/Reader]

SUMMARY: Your nightly Twitter sleuthing brings up an inappropriate question about Keigo and he spends the evening denying you any straight answers. 

TAGS: One-shot, Hawks/Reader, Takami Keigo/Reader, comedy, cute, fluff, pillow talk

NOTES: This is a part of the Tenacity one-shot compilation!!! Celebrating that it’s Friday with a one-shot featuring Hawks! I had tons of fun writing this. I can’t wait until he properly shows up in the anime.

Your boyfriend Keigo patrolled the roads and rooftops of your city during the day, a professional ensuring the citizens’ safety from villains. When he returned back home for the night, you devoted a good 15 minutes before bedtime to scroll endlessly on your phone, an amateur guardian of his Twitter tag. If you were honest, you were more like a trigger-happy vigilante than a righteous guardian. The perfect duo, to be honest.

Was he aware of your nightly sleuthing?

No. Not the fact that you were basically the head of his protection squad, at least.

Because your spare time always went by fast, your bed time approached and you got comfortable under the sheets. You checked for new Tweets under the ‘wingherohawks’ tag… thirst tweets, hate tweets or whatever the world tossed at you. This had been a routine since months back, when Keigo had whined about being unable to DM you during the day. Mind you, it hadn’t even been during the honeymoon period of your relationship; you two had been together for a solid two years now and this hadn’t been a thing prior, keeping things to the usual phone messages. However, as he had risen in hero rank he saw a need to use his social media platform often, so the two of you became much more familiar with Twitter as a result. 

There was a contrasting duality to reading what anonymous people wrote about him. While you loved the thirst tags because of their relatability, though they did make you cringe at times, you silently raged whenever you came across something that could be constructed as hate or pointless negativity. Thus, you had unofficially taken on the Hawks’ Protection Squad leader position – a one person crew reporting whatever nastiness you came across. You thought it made a difference, as he had been visibly more relaxed while browsing during the evening.

This night, your feed was pretty innocent for once. You bit the inside of your cheek, resisting a smile at a recent picture snapped of Keigo patrolling the streets, taken from his profile. It must have been after confronting a villain, as he was pushing back his hair with a dreamy expression on his face. He was intensely photogenic.

Humming, you liked the picture and continued scrolling downwards. 

“Chicken, when are you coming to bed?” you asked loudly, peering over your duvet towards the hallway. A second later, the shuffling of feathers against each other and feet slapping against the floor rang out. Your chicken did not enter the bedroom, standing by the entrance like a vampire awaiting an invitation. Holding a bowl beneath his face with one hand, he fished up some noodles.

“Angel,” he greeted you in a creamy tone and guided his chopsticks his mouth. The dark outlines around his eyes made his eyes seem like those of a cheetah, perceptive and predatory. It was an interesting diversion compared to his general relaxed body language. After slurping the last of the noodles, he wiped his hand over his lips and pointed at you with his chopsticks. “I’ll join you after I’m done eating, I promise.”

There was nothing to read online… so you were bored. This one day, you would let him break the rules of the house. “I allow you to eat in our bed now, so you can sit here.”

Keigo did a double-take and pursed his lips. “That’s not suspicious at all. What are you up to?”

“Nothing, I just want your company,” you said and padded the empty, cold space by your side next to the bed’s edge. “Your fat ass can fit here, don’t worry.”

You let out an entertained howl as he feigned a hurt expression, concealing his cheeks and eyes. “I was just about to say that you were going to kill me with cuteness someday.”

“I am cute the majority of the time and I’m pretty certain I’ll be the death of you. Be nice to me, Takami Keigo, or you’ll regret it.”

He whined and stumbled inside, shooing you tenderly to the side. Sitting down, he continued to eat. 

“What are you eating?” You rotated until you were on your side, your stomach pressed against his back.

“Leftovers from yesterday, since you didn’t devour everything. Do you want some?”

“Eh, I already brushed my teeth. Thank you for the offer.” You would 100% regret saying that later. That would be a problem for future Y/N, though.

You could hear his lips curve upwards  while answering. “Suit yourself.”

For a good twenty minutes, because Keigo never ate like a starving man, you caressed his back while he made his way through the bowl. Occasionally you exchanged quips but you didn’t demand anything other than his presence next to you.

You were content.

When Keigo had completed his night routine he crawled up in bed next to you, encroaching into your space.

“Come here,” he whispered, his voice fuzzy in the darkness. Rolling over, you nestled your head on his arm, his biceps warm against your cheek. When he drew his wing above your body and upwards, it was kind of like resting inside a tent. Feeling his silky feathers against your arm was very pleasant. With great care, he adjusted himself into comfort.

Suddenly recalling that you had to turn on your alarms, you quickly brought up your phone and did so.

“I’ve never been this turned off in my life. Bringing out your phone when you’re talking to another human being.”He stroked stray hair-strands out of your face with his free hand, twining them behind your ear, speaking to you with affection despite the harsh words.

“Unless you want to wake up at 10AM, I have to turn on the alarm.”

“To be honest, I’d love that.”

“Same.” A notification popped up and out of curiosity you tapped it. Then you read it. The Tweet that made you peace out and put your phone away. However, you refused to live with that question blistering inside you without affecting Keigo. “Chicken. I have a weird question for you.”

He hummed in a positive manner, so you proceeded.

“You’re human, right?”

Keigo ceased brushing your hair, his fingers remaining at the tip of your ear. “Well, you’ve seen me naked. You can be the judge of that.”

“I would personally say yes to that question. You’ve got hawk wings, though.”

“I wonder where this is going to end…”

“Just trust me. Look, if you’re mostly human and your wings are hawk wings, do your wings taste like human or fowl?” You didn’t want him to roll over because of your borderline creepy question, so you grasped his shoulder and pulled yourself to his naked chest.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard this question. Damn, I wouldn’t complain if it was the last time.”

Without thinking, you burst out, “So you don’t know the answer to the question?”

“My future bride,” he said and kissed the top of your head, “consider what you just implied.”

“C’mon, self-cannibalism isn’t that bad. Hold on, what do you mean with future bride?” Whatever tiredness had settled into your limbs dispersed. You weren’t sure if he was kidding or not because his tone had been neutral, as if he were stating a fact.

“Please, stop struggling and go to sleep.”

“Keigo, what did you mean with future bride? Did you say that just to throw me off?” You brought yourself up on an elbow and showed your canines before digging your teeth into his shoulder. It was a timid bite, not worthy of the orchestrated ouch he exclaimed.

“You’re actually a cannibal in disguise!”

“That’s hardly kinkier than what we usually do. Elaborate on the bride thing.”

 “Heh, you’ll find out someday. If you’re nice to me, of course.” Keigo’s chest vibrated against your forehead as he laughed lowly.

None of you had brought up marriage before. It made you ponder whether he was pulling your leg or if he had been thinking about it. Would he be that cruel? Perhaps you would deserve it after the coming question.

“Chicken,” you said, your voice unsteady with laughter. “You have an unlimited amount of feathers, right? Have you ever thought of making dakimakuras containing your feathers? I think they would sell well. Hell, I would probably even get one myself.”

You must have broken him because he didn’t move nor speak for a good 30 seconds.

“I’ll make you one for your birthday,” he eventually said, sounding somewhat thoughtful.

“Seriously?!”

“No. You’ve got the real thing here,” he slid his free hand down your arm and brought your hand to his chest, “and you’re asking for a dakimakura? You’re breaking my heart, Y/N.”

Low-key disappointed, you drew your nails against his skin. You enjoyed how his breath quickened as you drew them between his chest muscles to the top of his stomach, yet not further. “You’re a tease. You’re absolutely horrible to me, Keigo.”

Your chicken didn’t seem interested in trading retorts anymore, so you shut up and awaited what would happen next.

Enjoyed this? Give it a like or reblog. You can also follow me for more or check out my other one-shots and drabbles.

Inspired by EXO-CBX's Blooming Day.

[imma-talk-back]

Yesterday, I was called a Nigger.  Within mere minutes of being in my favorite store, it happened.  Without warning, a gentleman bisected my path and seemingly reflexively blurted it out.  It was if the word had a life of its own and was pushing forth from his mouth at a full sprint. I say this not to emphasize the innocence of the man, but to shed light on the immense power of that word. 

Yeah... I thought that’d get your attention. 

Frankly, I’ve always been one to prefer Target to Walmart.  I appreciate the structure and organization of the store, and though I am a person who thrives in areas of “organized chaos”, I’m afraid, I find Walmart to be a little too chaotic for my liking.  As someone who suffers from The Big Bad Beast that is Anxiety, I experience a visceral uneasiness in certain environments, but generally speaking Target is one of few places I nearly always feel safe in.  There are of course the antsy customers who brush past me on occasion or ride my tail too closely in the checkout, but for the most part, to me, Target represents the epitome of comfortable shopping experiences.  It’s almost as if the structure demands it’s patrons to be on their best behavior.  Unfortunately, not everyone heed these demands... 

Please allow me to begin by laying the ground work; let me explain just how much effort I put into a simple trip to the market.  You see, one of the many awful things about this lovely condition that is Anxiety is that it has the potential to make even the most mundane tasks feel insurmountable.  A quick errand run the average person puts little thought into, can for someone like me, be a delicate tightrope walk; from the moment I leave the safety of my car and began my trek though the aimless herds of self-focused patrons, to the exact position of my body in accordance to yours, while in line.  I see you in a straight line, but I take several steps to the right or left, creating a meticulously crafted triangle between you and the person in front of me; all with the intention to grant me just a bit more security.  You see, I’ve been socially distancing since before COVID made it cool.  

Well, it’s about time I get to the point, isn’t it?  So, here goes...

So here I am.. and on top of dealing with my typical feelings of sporadic and unannounced paralyzing panic that may rise at any moment during my routine errand, whilst in the midst of none other than The Zombie Apocalypse that is 2020, I am the victim of an unprovoked physical attack in on of my few “safe” public spaces.  Notice, I consider this a physical attack, because of slew of negative bio-mechanical implications it presented me with, after all the word Nigger cannot be compared to that of Bitch, or Asshole. No, when spat with the right amount of hatred, the word surge through your veins like a poison. 

Thus, I instinctively stopped dead in my tracks and felt the heat of pain and rage radiate through my body.  I shook my head, dropped my gaze, and took several steps forward before stopping.  Rather than metaphorically quietly quivering in the corner, I decided to act. 

I turned around, sought out an employee, mustered up all the poise I could find, and collectedly said something along the lines of: “Hi, I just walked into the store, and within moments upon entering, a gentleman wearing a white blazer called me a Nigger.  I would very much like for him to be escorted out of the store”.  It was important that I used the full word to convey the level of discomfort I felt in having it thrown at me.  Perhaps that did the trick because the woman responded with a look of genuine shock, without hesitation confirmed the direction the man was walking towards, and urgently called for security. I said my peace and entrusted my safety in the store to the woman’s follow-through.  

It wasn’t the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I tried my best to continue on my journey as if he “hadn’t gotten to me”, but he had, I rush through the store, in search of whatever had prompted me to enter.  I can’t for the life of me remember, I imagine because I moved through the store in what can only be likened to a fear-induced haze.  I walked through the isles wondering if the gentleman would return and found myself looking at every Black passer-by, wondering if they had, or would soon experience the same. 

I power walked through the store with a combination of sorrow, profound fear, inexplicable anger, and incredible gratitude.  It instantly pained my heart to hear that a complete stranger could have so much hate in their’s for me, it still does.   Although I don’t imagine the N-word is typically equated with fear for non-Black people, for someone like me, it can be terrifying.  Despite the ever-so-obvious gravitas of that word, I know it hardly represents the tip of the iceberg of the hatred that lies below the surface.  As such, I feared retaliation from the moment I reported the gentleman, throughout the store, to my stop at the gym where I went through my daily workout routine, to the moment I drove home, parked my car, and double-checked the locks to all the doors at my house.  

Though this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this sort of overt display of hatred in a public setting, it was without a doubt, the first time I have ever felt seen enough to report it.  The death of George Floyd exposed just how serious the issue of racial injustice in this country is, and made it unmistakably clear just how prevalent, not to mention perilous it is.  After 34 years of just taking it, and doing everything in my power to “not let it get to me” or knowing “it’s just the way it is”, I finally feel seen enough to say; look this just happened, and you have the power to make it so this isn’t just how it is. 

You see prior to May 25, 2020, we could all live with a degree of ignorance in the matter; you could deny my life was actually different because of my skin tone and I could feign my perception of equality, but that shield has been lifted.  We have awakened from our socio-normative unconsciousness... That was deep, I know, but rather or not we choose to stay woke is up to us. The US needs a reckoning, regardless of if recent demands for equality stemming from the death of Mr. Floyd, Ms. Taylor, and Mr. Arbery can transition this moment into a movement, I am here to remind you of its importance.  You see, I was Black before you ever heard of those names and will continue to be such even when they began to fade from your memory.  I am here to remind you just how vital that demand for equality is.  

The fact of the matter is that the woman who essentially “came to my rescue” by respecting the seriousness of the matter was in shock not only the verbal brutality spewed, but also in part I imagine from simply awakening the reality that such an incident actually happened.  This brings me to my anger... you see I am beyond grateful for the fact that I can finally stand up for myself and declare something like this has happened and be taken seriously, but I am equally as enraged that in order to be taken as such, the entire world had to witness a man be crushed to death.  It goes without saying that, the level of enlightenment that the entire non POC (people of color) world is having right now is just as appreciated as it is enraging. 

On a final note, I want to draw your attention to the fact that I referred to the man who accosted me, as a gentleman.  There is certainly two contributing factors to consider in this; one I was simply raised right- with manners and respect for everyone, and I knew this man couldn’t have been in his right mind, and two, I knew the importance of remaining composed in even the most daring of times, to counter the very real likelihood of simply being written off as an Angry Black Woman.  Think about that... even in an assault, I must maintain my composure, because society says an emotional Black woman is an Angry Black woman, society doesn’t question her countless motives for said anger; no, it merely writes her off.  

Well... let this first blog entry be a testament to my Eloquent Black Rage--sitting posed, with perfect posture, well read, well spoken, highly educated in fact... with well manicured fingernails and an accented middle finger nodding to a less than subtle, “fuck you”. 

In close, I hope in writing this I have helped to explain the depth of feelings that stem from such a verbal attack, the long term impact it has, and that I have drawn your attention to just how often injustice occurs even when they are not spoken of or otherwise exposed. 

This is my very first Blog-entry, it originally started out as a wordy Facebook post, but decided I needed a more appropriate venue for my voice.  I sincerely thank you for reading and hope you continue to peek into my mind from time to time.  Congratulations, you’ve earned 10 Friend Points and good karma! 

[potagepotiron]

Hate crime

Season 3 of WTFock has ended, Robbe & Sander have found love and everyone is eagerly awaiting Christmas. It is a time to be happy. Well I’m not. I’m not happy because of how WTFock handled an important event that could have been a gamechanger for LGBTQ fiction. I’m talking about the hate crime that ended episode 28. The way in which this plot line was conceived, handled and received, tells you a lot of how our society views minorities.

Fist and foremost, I am a SKAM fan. I watched every clip and every remake. My favourite is Season 3. Because I’m a gay man. I also know this series can change people’s minds. How different crews made it into their own and are very proud about the result. So I had high hopes when a Flemish version of Season 3 was announced.

So I was watching season 3, had a few remarks here and there, and then came that slur. I’ve written about it earlier. To a gay man like me, familiar with internalized homophobia, the concept of using a terrible slur and throwing accusations at Sander like Robbe just seemed baffling. Do not do unto others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you. You wouldn’t subject another human being to such hate, because you know how it feels. Pure and simple. And then, the hate crime happened.

Let’s be honest, WTFock failed in handling the hate crime, from the absence of trigger warnings before the clip, to the immediate aftermath, right until the very end of the series. There was no middle ground, it either had to commit to its choice and be brilliant or fail. It failed miserably. It chose to portray Robbe & Sander as victims and refused to show any form of queer resilience. And even when it became clear, near the end, that they decided to have the attack trigger other major events in the story, the writers opted to not address the hate crime. And to the optimists stating that the attack could be dealt with in Season 4, I say this: too late.

Personally, I wouldn’t have included graphic violence in the first place. To me there is no value in showing violence. I seriously doubt its inclusion in a series aimed at a teenage audience, because the negatives (trauma and copycat behaviour) far outweigh the learning opportunities, even when handled perfectly. I couldn’t finish the clip. That night, I, a grown man of 35 years of age, was wide awake in my bed until 4 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep, knowing that a number of LGBTQ youth saw that clip and became afraid. Decided to hide in the closet for a bit longer, maybe. The scene simply is not worth it.

And despite my sentiments, the reactions online seemed to disagree: “we needed to show this. We needed to be shown this. People need to know.” I couldn’t understand. Trust me, I know about gay bashing. And so should you. I read all the articles in newspapers about the atrocious hatecrimes in Belgium and elsewhere. I know who Ihsane Jarfi is. Friends of mine who are in a relationship have been scared to go out late at night. I’ve been called names in the street myself. I know. The quesion is, why do I need to see two boys being beaten and left in the street?

I don’t think the depiction of a gay bashing had its place in WTFock. However, I do think that a discussion of homophobia should be included, albeit in another way. Gay violence and intolerance could have been a part of the talk that Robbe & Milan had. I’m not demanding to turn a blind eye to homophobia or to sugarcoat a story. Also, I myself am not blind to homophobia. On the contrary, I have encountered more of it this year than ever before. Belgian football, for example, is still rife with homophobic chants. And recently far right politicians have stressed the need to clearly define norms and abnormality with regard to sexual orientation and the rights to adopt or to get married.

The real question is what kind of homophobia the show chooses, wants to or needs to battle. Gay bashing is a radical example of hate, but hate has many forms. And all hate is the result of a much more complex undercurrent in Flemish society. Hate stems from fear of the unknown, indifference or lack of knowledge. And that is why Flemish LGBT interest group çavaria remains committed to eradicating homophobia in schools. This behaviour can be unlearned. Education is key. And that is why it was a good decision for WTFock to zoom in on the reactions of friends after a coming out. They could have gone the extra mile, though. Homophobia is far more varied and widespread than WTFock shows you.

Back to the hate crime. I wonder why the WTFock writing team missed the mark. Norwegian SKAM director Julie Andem demanded that research into the local youth culture should precede any adaptation of the original content. I’m finding it hard to believe that the gay community was on board with the decision to show a gay bashing. I consulted among my gay friends and all thought it was a bad idea. I also wonder whether or not anti-gay violence is a problem that is typical of Flanders. It’s hard to find reliable data on hate crimes and to interpret it because there could be a reluctance to report incidents, but there seems to be no significant difference between Belgium and its neighbouring countries, nor is there a statistically significant rise in homophobic attacks during the last years. There has been a rise, but that could be due to a higher percentage of people reporting incidents.

I’ve argued that the choices the writers made are bad, and that there is little or no claim to say that hate crimes are typical of Flanders, no more than anywhere else in Western Europe or Scandinavia, where the series originated and where gay bashing wasn’t included. But do I believe that the writers knowingly sabotaged their own writing efforts? Surely not. Yet, it’s hard to pinpoint why the series was developed the way it was without hearing from the makers. Chances are we’ll never know. Unlike their French or Norwegian counterparts, the screenwriters have, up to now, chosen not to communicate on the series. It is my perception that indifference to its LGBTQ audience, an appetite for drama and shock value and a degree of ignorance manifested itself throughout the series. That may or may not have been the intention of the makers, we can’t know, but it certainly had that effect on me as a viewer.

As always, a part of me that says I’m being too harsh. I can imagine it’s a lot less difficult and a lot more relaxed to write series on superheroes then it is navigating your way through the pitfalls of minority representation or gay televised fiction, a genre that exists less than 30 years and of which the rules are being rewritten constantly. It’s also not easy to have a number of militant gays like myself looking over your shoulders constantly, scrutinizing every line and every motive and picking on the one detail that got overlooked.

And should we dismiss the entire series because of this one incident? Let’s move on, Sander and Robbe are happy. Isn’t that a heartwarming prospect to gay kids? But this relativity is the problem. Silencing a hate crime not a detail. Showing violence on tv has repercussions, and they can’t be undone by having a cute gay couple smooch underneath a Christmas tree. A SKAM remake has a responsibility towards its audience. And it’s not that a chance like this comes around often. Budget cuts in locally produced fiction will mean it will take years before there’s another chance to see local gay fiction on screen. So every chance we get needs to be perfect. Because it will affect a new generation of young people.

Ultimately, the question is why it is so hard to have good quality gay stories, made by queer creators for a queer audience? Why was this series made by three white middle-aged men with a background in marketing, with only one of them with proven credentials in screenwriting? Why is it so hard to hire gay actors or to find authentic gay voices? Is it really necessary that a series like SKAM S3 contains “learning moments for the straight community”? Can’t we, for once, make a tv series without taking into account the heterosexual majority? It might be a bit tentative of me to say this, but I’m sure Niels Rahou, the writer of Season 3 of SkamFrance, wouldn’t have included a gay bashing scene. He has commented frequently on his scenarios, he is openly gay and he stated he would have benefited from a similar series during his adolescence. I don’t think the Belgian writing team wrote with the same sense of urgency or treated SKAM as a passion project.

To end, let’s go back to the original version of Skam Norway. The reason why the format was so revolutionary is precisely because being gay or coming out wasn’t a big deal. Jonas didn’t bat an eyelid when Isak told him he’d been with a boy. His friends were fine with it, and so were his parents. Isak faced an internal struggle, gradually coming to terms with and being the result of living in a heteronormative society. But ultimately the mopey kid with a love of sleeping waged a bigger war with his eternally overflowing locker. He just accepted his sexuality. In the end, though, Isak had grown as a person and showed serious committment to his boyfriend Even. But the eye-opener of the series was the way in which same-sex attraction was treated as something not to worry about.

As a reaction to the way in which homosexuality was depicted as part of mundane everyday life, people rightfully complained that this story was a bit too rosy. And it’s true, there is white middle class privilege in this story. Among certain communities, coming out still isn’t evident and living a gay life is considered unsafe for some people. Yet, Julie Andem would rather show her viewers with a vision of an ideal world, in order to help and comfort a LGBT audience, than care about what the public would think of the season. I think WTFock could have been more attentive to that message.

Luckily, for most of us, being gay doesn’t lead us to being the victim of a hate crime. That doesn’t mean we can turn away from the reality of such violence. But almost all of my gay friends have, one way or another, been confronted with various examples of homophobic behavior. More often than not, these instances are based on ignorance and are more small-scale in nature. Being called names in the street. A supposedly witty remark made by a drunk uncle at a Christmas party. Or take the well-known Flemish tv personality who, in all his innocence, made a plea for abolishing the Antwerp gay pride parade during a televised comedy show in june. He was applauded by the audience and genuinely seemed impressed by his clever, seemingly inclusive reasoning. More often than not, the threats the homosexual community face consist not of the raw violence of the physical attack, but of vulgarity, stupidity or ignorance. It is a potentially dangerous to narrow down homophobia to physical attacks and take the risk to have your audience believe that they’re in the clear as long as they don’t punch someone to death.

The only way things will change for the better is when the heterosexual majority steps up its game. This means they have to change, they have to start questioning their accepted beliefs, or how they educate their kids. Ultimately, they themselves won’t benefit from these changes, on the contrary, society as a whole will be a bit less tailored to them when heteronormativity is eradicated.  Inclusivity is about the majority caring about the minority. So this is my advice to the WTFock team. Don’t care about clicks, controversy or drama. Don’t perpetuate the representation of LGBT individuals as victims of a harsh outside world. Dare to shake up old, established narratives. Show that homophobia is far more pervasive and far more subtle than the large-scale evil of a hate crime. And if you’re going down that route anyway, commit to it. Don’t brush it off. Status quo is no longer an option.

[varietybeat]

It's 2019, three years since @taylorswift essentially dropped off the face of the earth after an "apocalyptic" summer and almost two years since she dropped her previous album reputation. During the years that followed, Swift gave no interviews and adopted the philosophy of "there will be no explanation, there will just be reputation."

Now that Swift has been able to regain some control of her life, maintain a loving and healthy relationship with her boyfriend of three years. and navigate not being in the public eye, she is ready to talk. She sat down with Rolling Stone reporter Brian Hiatt who previously did her cover story nearly 7 years ago. It was a day she remembered, as they got into not just one, but two car accidents. They decided not to drive this time around, a safe choice.

During the reputation era, Swift was not giving interviews. Now that she has entered the Loverera, she is finally able to share her thoughts. Things got so bad, she had to physically give up control of everything she normally tackled, to gain some sort of hold on her life. She was in a downward spiral and even went so far as having the internet removed from her phone. No, she hadn't heard the conspiracy theories about her being some kind of Aryan Goddess and she thinks that is "disgusting."

She would also like to move on with her life and stop talking about "negative shit all day" *cough Kanye West.* However, she did talk about him, to offer up some kind of explanation as to why she was so upset with the line "I made that bitch famous" and how it was essentially the straw that broke the camel's back. It was the final moment in a series of events over the course of many years where she decided she could no longer take it anymore, that she was done trying to seek his approval and stand up for herself.

There were several things we gained after reading the interview, along with our hearts breaking over the amount of turmoil and stress she has been dealing with for a very long time.

She found love among the chaos, along with friends she now knows will be there for her even when everyone else hates her.

She realized she had to live a quiet life so that people didn't feel entitled to it being open for debate and dissection.

She's grown a lot over the last few years and has set healthy boundaries, but she will always be honest in her music, even about issues she may not speak about in interviews.

She has a lot of regrets about the way she has handled many things, from relationships/friendships/politics/decisions but she has been able to disengage from the public's perception of her and learned how to become level. "I regret a lot of things all the time. It’s like a daily ritual."

She masterminds her own business. Deal with it.

She hasn't been to therapy because "it takes so long to download somebody on the last 29 years" of her life and who better to talk to, then her mom? Which makes the line in "Soon You'll Get Better" Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do? If there's no you" all the more heartbreaking.

View on Variety Beat

[chenoehi]

I'm angry and tired. I'd say I can't believe everything I just saw and read but it's par for the course from such people who are OT6. What gets me is the number of notes on their most recent post which is oddly enough not openly hostile and just so happens to be supportive of jikook. And I'm finding myself really questioning if people ever look at the comments anymore. As in, actually read them.

I'm not the only one who's angry. I've talked to people. This fandom has got a problem. The constant ship vs. ship war in which we just blindly support whoever 'stans' our ship along with giving toxic people a pass because well, they belong to our ship, our 'tribe' and since they post cute things or because they support our ship and ours is the 'best' and the 'realest' (different mindset whether you're a shipper or a believer) we'll just, idk, defend them to our death.

Quick question: why do OT6 and akgaes both feel like they have to stir up drama, creating their own narratives for these guy's lives and influencing others' perceptions, all the while invading other people's tags and dragging everyone into the mix, which gives both the fandom as a whole (ARMY) and it's biggest subgroups a bad reputation? And we just casually scroll past with no care but still giving likes and reblogs because well, it's supporting jikook and so we can ignore any negative tone or undercurrents in the message that could be harmful.

I believe they are in a relationship. I may be wrong. I accept I may be wrong. Just knowing that is enough. I enjoy discussing things with like minded people,

but if I thought for a second that something I wrote or a message I presented could be used to promote hate for any of them or promote a harmful narrative that could end up hurting them? If I found out I was supporting other people who were saying things that caused tension, strife, and hate in the fandom and toward the guys and I thought I would rather stay supporting these blogs or these Twitter accounts because I valued their content so much as opposed to dropping them so that I could avoid further harming these guys, who try their damndest to earn our love and support?

If that was how I felt, I would say it's possible I was being a hypocrite and that I should reevaluate my priorities and question my thought processes, specifically why I thought it was justifiable and OK to support people who do harm.

I've taken breaks from stan tumblr several times because of how toxic it's become and I feel like I need to reiterate for anyone that doesn't know, I'm a relatively newer fan who knew about them for years but didn't stan until last year. I just didn't want to because of how hyped they; it made me think I'd be disappointed, and then the first one I heard in 2017 wasn't my jam. I come back because I like the community and I like being able to share content in this bubble, but there are times when I know that being here on stan Tumblr or being on stan Twitter is absolutely, unequivocally not worth it.

I always try to see the big picture with anything. This fandom? The jikook subgroup just by itself? I can't see that what's going on right now and what's been going on for a while and has been increasing in intensity is going to be anything good for these guys we all claim to love and want to support. I just don't get it. For all of the progress they're making and the support they're gaining and the history of this moment, the undercurrents right now in this fandom are not good.

It's not about being their protectors or having to be on the attack all the time; on Twitter, it's not even worth it to do anything but just report anti accounts, block, and move on. It's about everything we do comes back both on them and to them eventually. One way or another, it affects them. I'd rather them be affected by more good things than bad things, that's all.

Social media and what happens here isn't that deep until is. And bad stuff is happening.

[darlingnisi]

Prince....from the outside world

I was very curious to know perceptions of P outside of the fandom so I polled some people on Facebook. I feel like Prince's image/brand is WAY more beloved and known than his actual music, and that bothers me more than I care to admit most days. Is he a legend to you because you heard he was or because you experienced it through his work, you know? That annoyance was a big reason for the mixcloud/soundcloud thing. Yes the enigma that is Prince is fascinating, and beautiful and sexy and all of those things, but THE MUSIC! THE MUSIC. THE POINT (To me anyway...) Anyway...here’s how I posed the question : Thoughts/question for the day...would love your input. I'm obviously pretty entrenched in the Prince fandom, and most of the people I associate with daily are also. I do recognize though that outside of the purple bubble, (ha and sometimes inside) not a lot is known about who he was, what he did, or how much music he actually made. For those of you who have a passive interest, are a casual fan, or generally know who he is but don't know much about him, what do you know or what have you heard music wise? What's your impression of him? Be honest no hurt feelings if you've heard negative things! I'm trying to see something...

And the responses : I know what you've told me, posted, or sent me to read. Immediately following his passing, I was slightly obsessed with watching Youtube videos of other celebs sharing stories about his great sense of humor. Before that...*thinks* only stuff that made major news outlets. I didn’t realize until recently (last few years) what level he was on musically. I knew he was talented, but what he has goes beyond that, into otherworldly. As far as specific music, I only knew his popular stuff before. *** I didn't become a Prince fan until an ex-gf exposed me to him. Michael Jackson claimed my interest growing up, and that developing brain didn't have enough room for both of them. As an adult and musician I came to realize that not only was he a genius, he wrote for and inspired so many other geniuses. He's like if Stevie Wonder had the astronomical performance abilities of James Brown. *** Honestly I wasn't a fan at all. I thought his musicianship was pretty good. There's a few songs I liked, but overall nah-- I only like a few songs like Kiss. I didn't really like his performance style. It was good to hear how philanthropic he was behind closed doors after the fact. Every time I see him perform or watch an old video I cringe a little bit. People always hate me when I tell them that lol *** I haven't delved into his personal, as I don't normally do that with any artist. For impressions, I remember way back as a child I thinking he was some form of gay. Not that actually fully understood what that was but this was like in the early 90s and the whole symbol as a name thing. I kow enjoyed his music and found the imagery in the videos interesting. Wasn’t until the last decade or so that I heard about him as a person. You can thank Chappelle and Charlie Murphy for that. *** I know very little...my parents weren't big Prince fans so I didn't grow up with his music, just a few hits like Raspberry Beret. What I know I know from Chappelle Show, mega fans, and news reports after he passed. *** My 1st impressions of him was WHOA he's different but as I got older,I can identify with him more than MJ or Barry White ***  I just got watching the episode of New Girl that he was in  It’s so great  *** I grew up in his era. I became a fan post passing. Prior to this, I thought he was talented but stand offish, weird, unrelatable. He did so many strange things in the 90's that I just drifted away from anything P related as he disappeared from mainstream and went underground. I saw him here in ATL at Musicology and he blew me away but then he didn't come back...so, out of sight, out of mind. Since 2016, out of curiosity, I have educated myself on the man and the music and have found I love the music of the 90's and 2000's but never heard it until now. I've come to realize he was much deeper than I thought and I had no idea of his compassion. I'm not a huge fan of the 80's. It's too over played. I also think that I didn't purchase a lot of his music from the 80's because I was constantly having to censor it to be respectful of who was in earshot and might be offended. (kid's, parents, family, strangers) MJ was more mainstream and Prince seemed to be more into the shock value. In the 80's he came across to me as all sex and very little depth. Now that I am more into the fandom, I am amazed at his use of words, double entendre's and just the genius and mystery in lyrical meanings and complicated arrangements. I still have a ton of questions regarding him but I believe I'm understanding more of the man and his music since he's passed. I'm pleasantly surprised. Earlier, I wasn't impressed. That's my truth.

************************************************ So...interesting perspectives, huh? Just something to keep in mind as we think about how to make P accessible to others...and how he fits into the larger scheme of things. People tend to be interested when he’s in an easily accessible place so...maybe something on ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX/PBS for the widest visibility? Can we get him on the radio more than whatever is being currently promoted?  Dream : Issa Rae, Donald Glover, and Janelle Moane host a remastered 3 Chains of Gold on FX. They provide commentary during commercial breaks...and there’s an associated hashtag for Twitter..... Can you imagine how big that would be to bridge him to younger people?

[noramoya]

“When Michael Jackson was a boy, you didn’t have to say "black is beautiful,” you just had to look at him and you knew. In 1969, as black people were getting comfortable with the idea that African features are gorgeous, he arrived as the perfect punctuation of that idea. He was cherubic with his rich brown skin, a broad nose and a big halo of curls atop his head at a time when the Afro was a powerful symbol of black pride. “People responded viscerally to Michael Jackson’s beauty,” says Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. 1969 was a year after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a time when the black-power and civil rights movements seemed to be disintegrating, but Michael showed up, a soul-music prodigy irrepressibly optimistic and bursting with youthful enthusiasm. “Here was a child who clearly understood the R&B idiom,” says music-industry veteran Gary Harris. “He was some sort of test-tube creation from a mad soul doctor’s lab. If Diana Ross and Stevie Wonder had a child, it would have been Michael Jackson.”

See the 50 best Michael Jackson songs

He quickly became the number-one black child star of his era, and of all time. The first four Jackson 5 singles each topped Billboard’s Hot 100, an unbelievable start. Black people fell in love so hard, he became more than an artist and more like a member of the family. You didn’t want anything to happen to him so much that you felt protective the way you did about a younger brother. “He was ours,” says Q-Tip. “He meant everything to black culture.”

It wasn’t just about Michael. A few years after the Johnson administration declared the black family broken with the Moynihan Report, the Jackson family was large, intact, vibrant, successful and seemingly happy, giving America an idealized image of domestic bliss. Jay-Z told me he grew up pretending to be Michael, singing alongside his two older sisters and brother. “Here you had Michael and four brothers,” says the Rev. Al Sharpton, “all talented and all cute and the strong father and the mother who was matriarchal and Janet, and it was like, ‘Wow, all this talent in this family, showing we could do something.’ We were proud of that.”

"Michael had a second family: Motown was a deeply trusted brand in millions of black households. If Berry Gordy said it was good enough to release, you could bet it was great. The Jackson 5 were the last great act to come out of the Detroit label, further proof of Malcolm Gladwell's theory in Outliers: The Story of Success that life timing is critical to success, that the historical forces swirling around the moment when you emerge can make all the difference. "The Jacksons were the first family in line to truly benefit from the post-civil-rights era with America's new open-arms policy toward black entertainment," says ?uestlove. "1969 was the year the social floodgates opened and an 11-year-old led the charge in post-Malcolm/Martin/Motown America. Historians always forget the third-most-important M to help black America get access to the promised land is Motown."

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Thriller came out at the end of 1982, as the affirmative-action generation was beginning to make its move. Jesse Jackson would make a bid for the presidency, Eddie Murphy would launch his assault on the top layers of Hollywood, Oprah Winfrey would start her legendary talk show, and Bill Cosby would create the best-rated sitcom of the decade. Even before all that started, the vibe of black ascensionism was in the air, and Michael saw no reason why race should hold him back from the most elite level of his profession. He decided to ride his excellence to the zenith. Current Motown president Sylvia Rhone says, "Throughout his career, his success dramatically affected my view of what was possible and open for African-Americans."

Many blacks now compare Michael with Barack Obama – perhaps the highest possible compliment in black America. Not only are they both integrationists and racial harmonists, but they both were determined to reach the top while refusing to let race hold them back. "There's so many components of why Barack Obama is president," says Diddy, "and Michael Jackson is one of them. He started a change in the perception of the African-American male on a worldwide level: his strength, always putting himself in a power position, being seen as a hero." Sharpton echoes the point. "Way before Tiger Woods or Barack Obama, Michael made black people go pop-culture global," he says. "You had people in France, South America and Iowa comfortable with their kids imitating a black kid from Gary, Indiana. And when some of those people in Iowa grew, they were comfortable with voting for Barack Obama because they got comfortable imitating a black kid named Michael Jackson when they were young. Obama is a phenomenon, but he's the result of a process that Michael helped America graduate to."

Michael was also a boardroom killer. In the decades before him, black recording artists were, as James Brown observed, in the show but not in show business. Many ended up losing the copyrights to their own songs and pocketing a fraction of the money their music brought in. Jackson knew all about that history. "He knew Berry Gordy made his money off copyrights," cultural critic Nelson George says. "He knew the value of songs. That's something he understood." In 1984, when the ATV music-publishing catalog, which contained 251 Beatles songs, including "Yesterday," "Let It Be" and "Hey Jude," as well as work from Bob Dylan, went up for sale, Jackson went after it. After 10 months of negotiation, Jackson purchased the catalog for $47.5 million. His stake is now worth more than 10 times that, and the move was easily his shrewdest business conquest – and the asset that kept him afloat during his financially troubled last years. It proved his savvy, separating him from all those previous black artists who lacked the power to control the music business. But more than that, the symbolic power of Jackson owning the Beatles' music cannot be overstated. Not only did he become as big as the Beatles, he bought them too.

A century after American whites owned blacks, a black performer owned the product of the most elite white group in the world. It was an amazing turnabout, and one blacks took special pride in. A few nights after Jackson died, I was in L.A., searching the radio for an MJ song, when I came across "Strawberry Fields Forever" on an oldies station. I said, "Fuck it, Mike owns this. Same difference." And I listened. By the Nineties, Jackson no longer looked like a black person – after a series of surgeries, his facial features and skin color had become more and more Caucasoid. George says, "I don't think there was any question: There was disquiet in the black community about the color thing. It was an issue. People didn't wanna go out and say, 'He's fuckin' becoming white,' but people were like, 'What's that about?'" As Jackson was literally assimilating, we struggled with his choices but never symbolically tossed him out of the race, even though he seemed to be trying to surgically remove himself from it.

The reason black folk never turned their backs on him," says Georgetown professor Michael Eric Dyson, "is because we realized he was merely acting out on his face what we collectively have been tempted to do in our souls: whitewash the memory and trace of our offending blackness." Still, we struggled to understand why. Some have said he no longer wanted to see his father in the mirror, but there seem to be deeper forces at play. "I think he wanted to be a symbol of universalism," Gates says, "and he erroneously thought his skin color, hair texture, the length of his nose and shape of his chin inhibited that. You could say he was appealing to the universal, but there's no way of escaping, even giving him the benefit of the doubt, that it's a function of Negro self-hatred and self-loathing, which is a function of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation and racism, which made blacks hate the very things that make them beautiful."

Those who knew Jackson well say he wasn't trying to surgically remove himself from the race. Producer Teddy Riley, who worked on Jackson's Dangerous album, says, "Of course he loved being black. We'd be in sessions where we'd just vibe out and he'd say, 'We are black, and we are the most talented people on the face of the Earth.' I know this man loved his culture, he loved his race, he loved his people." As a fellow child of a taskmaster, no one knows self-distorted insecurity like I do. A person ashamed of his roots would never have made a gazillion odes to Africa as he's done." And even as his face got whiter, his music stayed black and rooted in the R&B tradition he mastered as a kid.

The day he died, it seemed something on this realm changed. "When I got the news," Nas says, "the weather around me immediately changed drastically. It suddenly rained so hard. Wind blew like crazy. Clouds did something different. It was as if you felt him leaving the world." People struggled to wrap their heads around the magnitude of his death. Q-Tip says, "This is the biggest loss since, dare I say, Martin Luther King. He moved the culture that much. He moved the needles that much."

Now that he's gone, everything Wacko Jacko has been rightly hushed, and everything that made him the King of Pop has taken over the mind space he fills. "When you have a body of work that great, it's not about you personally," former Motown CEO Andre Harrell says. "It's about your body of work. We're not gonna concentrate on the negative, we're gonna deal with the music. It took his death to get all the personal stuff out of the way and really get back to the reason why we're interested in loving him."

In death, his songs have been liberated from his eccentricities like ghosts released from a haunted mansion, free again to fly through the air and spread joy. And because the music business can no longer create a star as big as he was at his height, it seems likely that he'll be the King of Pop forever. This story originally appeared in our 2009 special commemorative issue on the life of Michael Jackson."