#but i hate the thought that people I report to now have a negative perception of me

[historicalhiccups]

delete later

[atla-confessions]

the “i love you azula, i do” was a hallucination & can’t be counted as an argument. it doesn’t matter whether or not ursa loved her daughter, azula is still a product of neglect & ursa’s parenting (& favouritism of zuko) had a negative effect on her well-being. keep in mind azula was eight when ursa left. her formative years were spent without anybody to love & nurture her. zuko had iroh, azula didn’t.

^^response to ask about people rooting their arguments in headcanon and also heavily rooted in headcanon

I don't know how to tell you this. But, what the hallucination represents and whether it represents truth or not is also a headcanon. As well as whether Azula can be considered a 100% reliable narrator when claiming her mother thought she was a monster. We do see Ursa making Zuko play with Azula (classic loving mother behavior) we don't see her treating Azula like a monster. Also, Azula said, "my mom liked Zuko more than me" not that she didn't like her. (And, the only time we see what she is doing while Zuko is having time with their mom, she is with her friends.)

In regards to the mirror scene, Ursa says many things. First she says Azula always had "beautiful hair" is this a lie? Then she says "I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation." Is this a lie? (the argument that this is a lie is the biggest) Then she says "I think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee." Is this a lie? Then "I love you, Azula. I do." Is this also a lie?

If you take it as all a lie than Ursa hated Azula's hair, Ursa would not have attended Azula's coronation even if she was still around, Azula didn't use fear to control people and Ursa didn't love Azula. Some of it, is definitely true. The only thing in it we can definitely confirm is true. (Using fear to control people) So people are just as right to headcanon the hallucination as true as you are to headcanon the hallucination as false. (Both are headcanons/interpretations)

"It doesn't matter if Ursa loved her daughter," the post is literally analyzing the two alternate headcanons in the fandom based on whether or not Ursa thought Azula was a monster and treated her badly because of it. Yes, whether or not Ursa loved her daughter is relevant when discussing that.

The neglect, is also a headcanon. Azula canonically had the affection and preferential treatment of their father. This might be considered worthless due to him being abusive but Azula didn't have nobody. She had a bad person loving and nurturing her. Which isn't technically neglect unless you headcanon that Ozai neglected her also.

Ursa left to save Zuko's life. Are you under the impression that Zuko's life is worth less than Azula's happiness? If a parent is arrested or otherwise forcefully separated from their children, that isn't neglect. The child can feel neglected but it isn't the parent's fault.

It is implied Ursa favored Zuko but we do not know the extent of it or if Azula's perception of it was influenced by the manipulations of Ozai or the fact she believes that she genuinely deserves better than Zuko ("You can't treat me like Zuko!"). We have no idea what Ursa did (in the show) other than likely spend more time with Zuko. The rest is headcanon.

(Also, since you mentioned Iroh. We are literally shown Azula hating Iroh in a flashback before he even comes back. While Zuko is shown liking Iroh. Now her hate is generally considered to be the result of Ozai's manipulation but is Iroh obligated to make the effort to help a child that isn't his, hates him and is liable to report his efforts to her father which would result in him being unable to help either child? Maybe. But Iroh isn't actually responsible for either child. He is responsible for the fire nation, so him targeting the child who is supposed to be the heir (albeit not in practice but by law of succession) makes logical sense if he wants to end the war and build a better fire nation.)

X

[aaronymous999]

The Spider/Asher Holmes and the Media

I haven’t talked about this guy all that much but today I’d like to go into The Spider and how he’s treated in the media- and how Asher has unconsciously changed that perception to be negative on purpose as a form of self sabotage. ( This one is really gonna get into his mental health and trauma, if that bugs you this post may not be for you! )

So- first off who is Asher Holmes? The Spider fights crime in Twin Capes City, Osclar ( fictional- he’s based of a spider-au of my mainline normal human ocs ) on Earth 2051-A. He was bitten by a radioactive spider in his last year of High School and became Spider-Man. Although after the death of his best friend ( and crush ) Nyx Dixon ( belonging to @raisondetre2012 :3 ) he started the process I have described above.

Asher’s self hatred is something he’s always carried with him, even before becoming The Spider. And he didn’t fare much better even in the universe where Nyx was bitten instead of him. Asher has always bottled up his problems and never bothered to self analyze himself. He’s only done so at key moments in his life and it’s seriously helped him, but he has yet to realize that’s the solution. ( And getting therapy. He needs therapy desperately. Maybe some meds too. )

So Asher’s self hating tendencies often come out through self-sabotage. In High School it was calling the girl he liked mean names to ruin his chances with her, in college it was forcing himself into a major he wasn’t at all interested in to impress his parents. And now, it’s making everyone hate the one part of himself that everyone adores. Spider-Man became The Spider. He was now referred to by the general public as an ‘it’ or a ‘thing’ despite Asher’s surface level wishes. Although deep down he very much wanted this to happen, to launch himself into a deeper whole of depression, because in some ways that’s all he’s known. Anything else would be change, and Asher doesn’t like change. ( Autism let’s goooo )

Asher started with little things, utilizing his engineering degree which he already hated doing- to create a more futuristic and foreign looking suit. Something that in Asher’s mind was just a simple suit redesign, but subconsciously it was more than that. And then it become the four metal arms on the back, bringing himself closer to an uncanny valley between machine and animal. Then it became the eyes, the extra eyes added onto his suit. Asher only has two eyes, but if he made others think he had more? Maybe they wouldn’t even see him as human anymore.

The claws are natural to his body after the spider bite but it certainly does not help his self esteem, or the opinions of the reporters. Asher is constantly faced with abuse on all sides, from the media, from the people he’s saving, from the villains he’s defeating and unconsciously from himself.

And when he was invited to the Spider Society, an excuse to escape and become Miguel’s personal enforcer? It was a dream come true, although it caused the opinions of the media to dwindle even more after Asher was missing during a devastating attack by Carnage. Despite Asher believing that he doesn’t trust others, he deeply trusts Miguel and would never even have the thought of the things he’s hiding from him.

Never the thought of universes where Nyx is alive and happy, never the thought of the one where she’s Spider-Woman either. And especially not the thought of Miguel’s knowledge of his upcoming symbiote canon event. Which considering his mental state, will end up even more poorly than other Spider-Men’s symbiote stories.

[the-writer-is-always-write]

Can you expand on the impact of islamophobia on dune please? I felt like a lot of parts of it made me feel… a way (I loved the film DONT get me wrong but I’m still untangling my thoughts and feelings) I don’t know if it was harmful at all but there were times where I felt uncomfy or maybe just very aware of the differences between characters

Does that make sense ? I’m getting too into my head so I would love to hear someone’s perspective (since you’re the only person I’ve seen commenting on it)

There are definitely other people more equipped to answer this than I, but I will do my best. To clarify, I am not a Muslim or an expert on Islamic or Middle-Eastern culture so please feel free to add on with any corrections or other insight.

Basically, Dune (the novel) was published in 1965. There are a LOT of Arabic and Islamic influences in the Fremen culture. A lot of the names were taken from Arabic words, or made to sound Arabic, and the Fremen culture was loosely based off the Bedouin tribes. There are a lot of parallels between the ecological and sociological exploitation of Arrakis and the ongoing exploitation of countries in the Middle East that began in the early 1900's when oil was discovered in Persia (Modern-day Iran). With those parallels in mind, it's easy to see how the novel is critical of exploitation in both the fictional world of Arrakis and our own world as well. I wasn't as worried about these themes being overlooked, and in fact I think the film did a good job bringing in those themes from the beginning when Chani asks "who will our next oppressors be?"

Now. The most noticeable influence from Islam is the theme of jihad, and this is the one I was worried about. From the very beginning of the novel when Paul does the Gom Jabbar test, he becomes aware of this "terrible purpose" that he must fulfill. He has visions and knows that this purpose is inevitable, it is his destiny, and there is no escaping it no matter how hard he will try. This sense of "terrible purpose" follows him all the way until the end of the first section of the book (the book is divided into three mini-books, for those who haven't read it). At the end of this first section, this "terrible purpose" is revealed to be jihad. It's the first time the word jihad is used, and it effectively communicates the dread that Paul feels. Paul doesn't want this, but he knows it is his destiny. There's a crucial interplay between the messianic narrative and the jihadist narrative, but that's a discussion for another post. For the sake of this discussion, it's just important to know that jihad is the word that Herbert uses, and it comes up many times throughout the rest of the novel and the series. Essentially, it's one of the book's most significant themes.

Now, fast-forward to 2020. We're living in a VERY different world than Herbert did, and Islamic culture and religion are seen much more negatively than they were in Herbert's time. (I admittedly don't know much about how Islam and Muslims were perceived during the 1960's, but I'm certain that if it was bad before, it is much worse in the 21st Century). Especially in America, where we live in a post 9/11 context in which one event shaped the way that a lot of our society perceives Islam and Muslims. This perception is predominantly negative. I didn't have any specific examples off the top of my head, but a five-minute google search found this: the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) recently released a report on the long-term effects of Islamophobia in America over the last 20 years. It gives some insight into how these stigmas have been perpetuated by the government, and it has some statistics and examples of hate crimes against Muslim-Americans. Basically, it's bad.

Now imagine that you're a Hollywood executive, funding and producing a movie based primarily off of Arabic culture with some heavy Islamic themes revolving around jihad - something often associated with 9/11 and used to justify the subsequent War on Terror. How do you market a movie to white-American audiences? Well, if you remember the first trailer for Dune released last September, there's a crucial line that Paul says: "there's a crusade coming."

You might be thinking, "well a crusade and jihad are kinda the same thing, right?" Technically speaking, both are essentially religious warfare. But how do you think Christians would react if we started calling the Crusades the Jihads? It would not be good. And rightfully so, because the concepts emanate from very different cultures with many different connotations and nuances behind them. But the idea of a "crusade" makes the film more marketable to certain audiences still living with biases and tendencies radiating from islamophobia, because a holy war based in Christian principles is more digestible and sympathetic to white-American culture. This article by a professor of Islamic Studies does a really good job explaining how this line goes against the central themes of the book and misrepresents what the "holy war" really is within the context of Dune. It also explains jihad better than I could, and from a better perspective than I could ever give.

Going into the movie, I was very concerned for how they would handle the subject of jihad. Overall, I think they did a good job of alluding to it and creating the sense of dread within Paul as he comes to terms with what's in store for his future. Visually, I think they got the idea of jihad even without saying the actual word. For now, I'm alright with the fact that they didn't explicitly say jihad, but that opinion may change once we see Part 2 (I'm expecting and hoping that Part 2 will be a little more explicit).

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[smokes-and-bullets]

Putting under read more for triggering content. It’s informational and fitting but still very unsafe in terms of this information. Something I figured out about both Fran and myself. Did some research and it makes sense. How this information fits with Francis and what happened to him

It is still very triggering regardless and nods to his hyper sexuality and why. Please please please don’t read if you can’t handle it. It is triggering, very much triggering. 

Francis is a victim of child rape and still a victim into his adulthood, but highly sexually active. I read that CSA survivors are either turned off by sex altogether into their adulthood or become hypersexual as a result of their trauma. 

“Hypersexual individuals experience sexual urges and behaviors that are difficult to control, causing great distress. Sexual thoughts and actions may be so frequent and intense that they interfere with a person’s ability to work and manage everyday life.  Previous research has shown associations between child sexual abuse and hyper sexuality have, but less is known about the effects of gender on this relationship.“

Francis is hypersexual and in spite of what continued to happen to him, he is able to have intercourse only because it kept happening and became something of a norm his body got used to. Charges for it from anyone who wants his services, and then there’s his boss who often uses him, but he is sexually active and is constant need of it. His body is constantly craving it. Difficult to control and not something he’s fond of. Granted sex has no meaning to him aside from pleasure. It makes sense why he’s able to continuously have intercourse despite what happened to him and prostitutes himself for money. It stuck with him, it remained.  

“Many people who suffer sexual abuse during childhood come to equate their sexuality with their self-worth. Over the years, the person may have come to “accept” the abuse as though it was the only aspect of their character which offered gratification to another person. It greatly skews a person’s perception of who they are, what their purpose in life is, and their understanding of appropriate relationship dynamics.”

He was treated as an object of pleasure, all his life and in turn that is what he became.  An object of pleasure, a prostitute. Not only does it satisfy his needs sexually, he believes this is all he is worth. That or being good with a gun and killing, neither are exactly great qualities. He accepted what happened to him and continues to accept it only out of survival. Shove it down, take it and wait until its over. 

“Suffering sexual abuse at a young age also lights up neural pathways in the person’s brain which are linked to sexual arousal. This can be damaging because children have not developed the structure to properly process this type of arousal. When sexual arousal occurs at an age when someone is matured enough to place it within a context of healthy desire and connection, it helps them develop a healthy perspective on intimacy and sex. But when it happens before they have matured enough, these same neural pathways become associated with negative emotions such as fear, shame, secrecy, confusion, physical distress, jealousy, and rage.”

“…male survivors are less likely to report or discuss their trauma and more likely to externalize their responses to childhood sexual abuse by engaging in compulsive sexual behaviors.”

Francis isn’t the kind of person to announce whenever he is aroused, when his body is in a state he needs to either have sex or relieve himself. This is embarrassing for him, its stressful and distressing, to not have control over his own body and to constantly need to have intercourse. Won’t bring it up, to anyone in anyway. He’s a prostitute not only to make money and survive, but it helps satisfy his needs. His boss though he hates the man has the same affect now. All a person can know is yes, he’s a sex worker and a hired gun. That’s all.  There is damage, he is mentally damaged but it hardly shows, puts on a facade that all is well he’s a great actor. He’s used to this life, only out of survival. 

[katzirra]

Finding myself still upset a week later. Tired with the idea that no matter if I'm in the wrong or not, I'm usually expected to either reach out and apologize first because I'm sad at the distance, or just act like nothing happened.

And it's not just this time. Which is the bigger issue. It's this reoccurring thing in my life, which has, in the long term, fucked up my perception of my own allowed emotions. With BPD I'm already invalidating myself, constantly thinking I'm over reacting. The issue has become that I'm rarely if ever over reacting now, because I'm too scared to even open up or feel around people at ALL now. Which I also get told is a problem, how I don't share and open up more - like I use to. It's a fucking loop.

I have people mad every few years that I can't be the friend they want me to be. And when I am transparent about my capabilities and my personal needs, I'm told I basically have to remind them about it when they get upset. It's not my job to keep apologizing... It's like, I'm sorry I am how I am. I also don't want to be like this, but it's how I am these days. I also think it sucks.

But I can't keep apologizing and hating myself for someone's expectations of me that I've been clear about what I can handle... And there's this weird reflection of that in that I'm told I don't owe anything to anyone or whatever, but it feels backhanded and passive in a way that never lays well with me when people say it? Like sometimes it feels like people put words in my mouth? If that makes sense...? It's like when people project their anger on my tone when 9/10 I'm depressed, tired and my tone is honestly flat. Like now.

Getting upset at me over and over again, doesn't help me to be closer to you either. It makes me constantly hear I'm a disappointment and I'm fucking up or hurting you, because I'm not pushing myself to do more than I'm capable of emotionally and mentally. I apologize constantly and it becomes a huge thing of what did I do wrong now.... And again, that's not an isolated incident. It's numerous observations. I feel guilty for taking up time, when I'm not feeling good enough for the person. Does that even make sense?

I'm just tired of hating myself for not being the person people want me to be. I am transparent about my energy levels, my abilities to be a friend. I give so much of myself, and I admit that I have no perception of time outside of if I'm working or not, or when I work next. I constantly tell people this. Most people understand, but it's the ones that don't that I feel bad over, and who have more weight somehow...

I think the other thing upsetting me lately is, it wasn't the first time someone pretty much told me that my responses were apparently too long or too much and it was literally in response to their messages. And it just... Idk. People want to vent and yell and rant at me, but not read my responses? Intention or not. It settled in my chest weird and caused a big mental shut down for me in terms of feeling worth someone's time. It just...Idk. It hurt. It's still hurting. It's that feeling of why should I bother with something if that's how the person feels about my feelings. That they're only worth glossing over, when I make sure I read and respond appropriately to things... It hurt a lot. And it kind of just felt like why are you bothering with ME?

It's like how I got reprimanded for saying I felt like a filler friend. Those are my feelings. I'm allowed to feel them. Being yelled at or being told i shouldn't feel that way when history of numerous friendships proves it to be a valid feeling is...what??

I...mm. It made me feel like a fucking freak or something honestly. Like I'm a weirdo for responding to people's messages thoroughly? And it's not the first time, and maybe previous times are why I have such aversion to talking at length about myself and my feelings now.

I've just sort of put everything at a distance since. A few friends have texted me, and I've been working on fixing some friendships via opportunities that have arisen. But that shit cut me deep, and made me feel weird about friendships in general again. Like maybe I'm not supposed to be anyone's friend because apparently I can't do it right. I...try to be there when people need me, and reapond when spoken to, I make time to see people when they want to and even ask people when I feel safe enough to or am not exhausted from work...even when I'm exhausted I do...I buy lunch or dinner every time people come over because I feel if you come here, I owe you that much... Or Becca or I cook dinner... I....??

I like to think I'm a good and valuable friend, otherwise I guess people wouldn't be upset with me...but also like...I deserve respect that I'm not who I use to be, probably never will be again, and I'm constantly pushing myself more than I should because I love the people in my life, or I wouldn't make the space and time for them that I try to... I have faults, I'm not perfect, but I try to be as kind and courteous and considerate as I can be... I'm genuinely interested in things and engage when I can... Idfk. It's not.enouvh. But I'm never going to BE enough for people.

I shouldn't have to report to people when I'm not feeling well. I will make a post to social media because I catch myself, and it's easier to make a vague post about myself or a generalized comment so if someone is inclined to talk to me further, they can on their own engagement terms because I've also had friends who get mad I vent too much!!

It's like no matter what I do, I understand people are all different, but I've had such negative reactions from basic shit that I don't know how to be a person at times. Trauma shapes us, and I hate the mangled form of an incorrectly thrown vase I've become, but I'm trying to fix it and it's DIFFICULT.

But yaknow, I'm sure I'm just being dramatic or something. Or I'm the asshole. I don't think I've actually ever had someone hurt me and apologize after I've told them it hurt me. At least not sincerely. It's always met with defensive energy, like I'm a jerk for it?? Tone is a weird thing...

Which is EXACTLY why I don't tell people when they hurt me, because it blows up.in my face as I'm in the wrong, and my anxiety and energy peak and I just feel remorse for TRYING. So I'm not expecting anything to ever change in my life, and especially with my avoidance of Discord and Twitter right now.im super not expecting shit. It might be months before I check my messenger or.notes there becauee that's how my anxiety triggers with this shit. Friendship issues and potential abandonment and shit just make me give up on existing in shared spaces. That's avoidance ans I'm sure there's a million things to be said about it about me, but it just sucks. The way my anxiety makes me feel.in regards to these topics where I'm expected to trust people, but if I speak up.i feel immediately on edge because the reaction is that I'm bad and wrong...man. No, that feels bad. I hate it. And maybe that's why I'm so unfeeling anymore. Detached, as jt were...

Life's a fucking mess, and I need to take care of myself because my mental.heslth has been in scary places lately. And I don't try and burden people with it at all, because those are my demons. But also, like, I fake a lot of happiness and save face online, and like...that takes a lot out of me.

But... I'm tired.of not.letting myself be upset when someone severely hurts me on a fundamental level.for myself. I'm allowed to be hurt this.time. It sucked. Ans I don't know what to do anymore, because I'm tired of the energy suck of being told I'm basically in the wrong.

I feel resigned to just not have friends honestly. Like I'm too fucked in the head to have them, I guess?? That's what it feels like. I don't know what to do, I just... Don't want to exist honestly. Everything is already too much every day.

I gotta get ready to sleep because good ol work tomorrow and another day of autopilot. I've done nothing but come home, sleep, and wake up at 8pm and space out for three or four hours and go back to bed all week.

I'm burnt out on existing ans that thought brings me actual terror some days.

[shadowfromthestarlight]

The moment a group of people stormed the Capitol building last Wednesday, news  companies began the process of sorting and commoditizing information that  long ago became standard in American media.

Media firms work backward. They first ask, “How does our target demographic want to  understand what’s just unfolded?” Then they pick both the words and the facts  they want to emphasize.

It’s why  Fox News uses the term, “Pro-Trump protesters,” while New York and The Atlantic use “Insurrectionists.” It’s why conservative media today is stressing how Apple, Google, and Amazon shut down the “Free Speech” platform Parler over  the weekend, while mainstream outlets are emphasizing a new round of  potentially armed protests reportedly planned for January 19th or 20th.

What happened last Wednesday was the apotheosis of the Hate Inc. era, when this  audience-first model became the primary means of communicating facts to the population. For a hundred reasons dating back to the mid-eighties, from the advent of the Internet to the development of the 24-hour news cycle to the end of the Fairness Doctrine and the Fox-led  discovery that news can be sold as character-driven, episodic TV in the  manner of soap operas, the concept of a “Just the facts” newscast designed to  be consumed by everyone died out.

News companies now clean world events like whalers, using every part of the  animal, funneling different facts to different consumers based upon  calculations about what will bring back the biggest engagement kick. The  Migrant Caravan? Fox slices  off comments from a Homeland Security official describing most of the  border-crossers as single adults coming for “economic reasons.” The New York Times counters  by running a story about how the caravan was deployed as a political issue by a Trump White  House staring at poor results in midterm elections.

Repeat this info-sifting process a few billion times and this is how we became, as none other than Mitch McConnell put it last week, a country:

Drifting apart into two separate tribes, with a separate set of facts and separate realities, with nothing in common except our hostility towards each other and mistrust for the few national institutions that we all still share.

The flaw in the system is that even the biggest news companies now operate under the assumption that at least half their potential audience isn’t listening. This leads to all sorts of problems, and the fact that the easiest way to keep your own demographic is to feed it negative stories about others is only the most  obvious. On all sides, we now lean into inflammatory caricatures, because the  financial incentives encourage it.

Everyone monetized Trump. The Fox  wing surrendered to the Trump phenomenon from the start, abandoning its  supposed fealty to “family values” from the Megyn Kelly incident on. Without  a thought, Rupert Murdoch sacrificed the paper-thin veneer of  pseudo-respectability Fox  had always maintained up to a point (that point being the moment advertisers  started to bail in horror, as they did with Glenn Beck). He reinvented Fox as a platform for  Trump’s conspiratorial brand of cartoon populism, rather than let some more-Fox-than-Fox imitator like OAN sell the  ads to Trump’s voters for four years.

In between its titillating quasi-porn headlines (“Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting To Get Hands on Lindsay  Lohan, Inmate Says” is one from years ago that stuck in my mind), Fox’s business model has  long been based on scaring the crap out of aging Silent Majority viewers with  a parade of anything-but-the-truth explanations for America’s decline. It  villainized immigrants, Muslims, the new Black Panthers, environmentalists —  anyone but ADM, Wal-Mart, Countrywide, JP Morgan Chase, and other sponsors of  Fortress America. Donald Trump was one of the people who got hooked on Fox’s  narrative.

The rival media ecosystem chose cash over truth also. It could have responded to  the last election by looking harder at the tensions they didn’t see coming in  Trump’s America, which might have meant a more intense examination of the  problems that gave Trump his opening: the jobs that never came back after  bankers and retailers decided to move them to unfree labor zones in places  like China, the severe debt and addiction crises, the ridiculous  contradiction of an expanding international military garrison manned by a  population fast losing belief in the mission, etc., etc.

Instead, outlets like CNN and MSNBC took a Fox-like approach, downplaying issues in  favor of shoving Trump’s agitating personality in the faces of audiences over  and over, to the point where many people could no longer think about anything  else. To juice ratings, the Trump story — which didn’t need the slightest  exaggeration to be fantastic — was more or less constantly distorted.

Trump  began to be described as a cause of America’s problems, rather than a symptom,  and his followers, every last one, were demonized right along with him, in  caricatures that tickled the urbane audiences of channels like CNN but made  conservatives want to reach for something sharp. This technique was borrowed  from Fox,  which learned in the Bush years that you could boost ratings by selling  audiences on the idea that their liberal neighbors were terrorist traitors.  Such messaging worked better by far than bashing al-Qaeda, because this enemy  was closer, making the hate more real.

I came  into the news business convinced that the traditional “objective” style of  reporting was boring, deceptive, and deserving of mockery. I used to laugh at  the parade of “above the fray” columnists and stone-dull house editorials  that took no position on anything and always ended, “Only one thing’s for  sure: time will tell.” As a teenager I was struck by a passage in Tim  Crouse’s book about the 1972 presidential campaign, The Boys in the Bus, describing  the work of Hunter Thompson:

Thompson  had the freedom to describe the campaign as he actually experienced it: the  crummy hotels, the tedium of the press bus, the calculated lies of the press  secretaries, the agony of writing about the campaign when it seemed dull and  meaningless, the hopeless fatigue. When other reporters went home, their  wives asked them, “What was it really like?” Thompson’s wife knew from  reading his pieces.

What Rolling Stone did in  giving a political reporter the freedom to write about the banalities of the  system was revolutionary at the time. They also allowed their writer to be a  sides-taker and a rooter, which seemed natural and appropriate because biases  end up in media anyway. They were just hidden in the traditional dull  “objective” format.

The  problem is that the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction of  politicized hot-taking that reporters now lack freedom in the opposite  direction, i.e. the freedom to mitigate.

If you  work in conservative media, you probably felt tremendous pressure all  November to stay away from information suggesting Trump lost the election. If  you work in the other ecosystem, you probably feel right now that even  suggesting what happened last Wednesday was not a coup in the literal sense  of the word (e.g. an attempt at seizing power with an actual chance of  success) not only wouldn’t clear an editor, but might make you suspect in the  eyes of co-workers, a potentially job-imperiling problem in this environment.  

We need  a new media channel, the press version of a third party, where those  financial pressures to maintain audience are absent. Ideally, it would:

not be aligned with either Democrats or Republicans;

employ a Fairness Doctrine-inspired approach that discourages       groupthink and requires at  least occasional explorations of alternative points of view;

embrace a utilitarian mission stressing credibility over ratings, including by;

operating on a distribution model that as  much as possible doesn’t depend upon the indulgence of Apple, Google, and Amazon.

Innovations like Substack are great for opinionated individual voices like me, but what’s  desperately needed is an institutional reporting mechanism that has credibility with the whole population. That means a channel that sees its mission as something separate from politics, or at least as separate from politics as possible.

The media used to derive its institutional power from this perception of separateness. Politicians feared investigation by the news media precisely because they knew audiences perceived them as neutral arbiters.

Now there are no major commercial outlets not firmly associated with one or the other political party. Criticism of Republicans is as baked into New York Times coverage as the lambasting of Democrats is at Fox, and politicians don’t fear them as much because they know their  constituents do not consider rival media sources credible. Probably, they  don’t even read them. Echo chambers have limited utility in changing minds.

Media companies need to get out of the audience-stroking business, and by extension  the politics business. They’d then be more likely to be believed when making  pronouncements about elections or masks or anything else, for that matter.  Creating that kind of outlet also has a much better shot of restoring sanity  to the country than the current strategy, which seems based on stamping out  access to “wrong” information.

What we’ve been watching for four years, and what we saw explode last week, is a paradox: a political and informational system that profits from division and  conflict, and uses a factory-style process to stimulate it, but professes  shock and horror when real conflict happens. It’s time to admit this is a  failed system. You can’t sell hatred and seriously expect it to end.

Matt Taibbi is one of the only people I subscribe to. He’s one of the few journalists I like because I actually believe he’s genuine.

[firebrands]

a catalog of non-definitive acts | steve/tony (part 2)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, mature, 2k ft. sex and angst | part 1 | ao3

They’re in a different but similarly bland conference room discussing reconnaissance reports when Tony yawns and stretches. It’s not a move, at least, he doesn’t mean for it to be, but his arm lands just along Steve’s shoulders.

(Maybe at this point it’s subconscious, ingrained in him to push boundaries and test his theories. He’s spent more time than he’d like wondering what the limits were after he’d come down Steve’s throat and Steve had tucked him back into his pants, completely nonchalant, and let the elevator continue its descent once Tony had righted himself. Tony had offered, too, to reciprocate; he’s not an asshole, much as everyone would like to think. But Steve smiled and said, next time. There hadn’t been a next time, not yet, and this is why he’s not so sure about the result of this unplanned experiment. He hopes for the best but—) It’s a small movement, almost imperceptible, the shift in Steve’s shoulders as he shrugs off Tony’s arm.

Tony moves slowly as he backs off so as not to draw attention to himself; it feels unnatural to do so, to aim for smallness. A part of him sees the beginnings of a pattern; a bigger part of him chooses to ignore the worry that begins to burrow underneath his skin.

Tony picks up his pen, begins to twirl it around his fingers as he half-listens to Nick and reorients himself with this new information. Of course, it makes sense—Steve wouldn’t be too keen on coming out, even if just to them, and to come out with Tony as his partner—well. This isn’t Tony’s first rodeo. He knows how it goes, knows what people think of him.

He slides down the seat, slouching and stretching out his legs. Besides, he figures, it’s Steve. Not Captain America—Steve. Focused and determined, intelligent and cultured; kind and generous and selfless Steve. Sure, he can be a smartass, and sure, he’s probably going to break Tony’s heart if he carries on like this, but the fact remains: It’s Steve. Tony’s a genius, but even an idiot can see that they’re not a great match. Tony consoles himself with the knowledge that at least, for a while, they have this. Whatever it is. Maybe that’ll be enough. Maybe, Tony thinks to himself, just as the pen spins out of control and skids across the table.

(As the meeting drags on, not once does Tony ask what he wants, or why he wants. Ever since, people have always asked those questions of him; he’s never learned to ask it of himself.)

*

They’re choosing the movie to watch next and Tony rests his hand on Steve’s thigh as he makes a spirited argument for Pacific Rim. Again, it’s not intentional, but Steve jerks his leg from under Tony’s palm so abruptly that Tony stops mid-sentence. No one seems to pay this any heed; Tony touches everyone all the time. (What Tony thinks no one else has noticed, though, is that Steve doesn’t touch anyone.)

Clint picks up the argument on Tony’s behalf (and if anything could grab anyone’s attention, it’s Tony and Clint agreeing on something), which gives Tony the opportunity to look at Steve without fear of—Tony’s thoughts stutter to a halt. Without fear of what, exactly?

Steve’s already looking at Tony, eyebrows drawn together and mouth pinched into a frown. He doesn’t have to say anything, and Tony knows he won’t. What irks Tony is that he’s done this before—before anything. Touched Steve without purpose or design. Now that Steve’s had Tony’s cock in his mouth, he can’t do that anymore? Tony wants to shout, This isn’t fair! But then he knows how he’ll sound. So instead, he gets up from his seat beside Steve and walks to his workshop without saying a word to anyone else. No one follows after him. This is another thing everyone’s become used to, Tony leaving suddenly, and he’s sure they chalk it up to a sudden stroke of brilliance.

It isn’t that, though, obviously. He knows there isn’t anything for him to repair, but he asks JARVIS anyway, to give himself time to think—by the time JARVIS answers in the negative, Tony picks up the latest version of a gauntlet and gets to fiddling.

He understands himself well enough to know that tinkering isn’t doing anything to clear out his thoughts. If anything, this is one of the few times when what he’s working on begins to mirror the way he’s thinking. The work is imprecise and tangled, and he knows better, he should know better, but in a stunning display that proves every single person who’s called him a genius to be false, he slips the gauntlet on sans plating and tests out the repulsor.

 Tony’s in the middle of reapplying bandages to all the small nicks and cuts on his torso when he hears a knock on his door. It takes him a few more seconds to finish up and answer—when he swings the door open, he reaches out automatically to catch Steve’s wrist just as he’s about to turn away.

“Impatient,” Tony remarks, pulling Steve into his room and shutting the door. Steve tuts in response, but it’s undercut by the gentle way he checks Tony’s bandages.

“Does it hurt?” has asks, hand sliding up Tony’s arm to smooth down the medical tape holding down the gauze on Tony’s forearm.

“Not more than usual,” Tony says.

“JARVIS—” Steve starts.

“I figured,” Tony cuts in. The mention of his AI explains how Steve found out about the explosion and subsequent injury, but not so much why Steve came up to Tony’s room in the middle of the night. Especially when a few hours earlier Tony’s touch seemed so repulsive.

Steve takes Tony’s hands in his and presses a soft kiss to Tony’s fingers. Tony hates the way his breath hitches audibly at the sudden affection, hates that he wants more of it, wants to hoard every single one of Steve’s kisses for a time when they’ll no longer be as bountiful. Tony watches as Steve’s lips curl into a smile, and he looks up at Tony as he brushes his lips against Tony’s knuckles.

Tony lets out a shaky breath, unsure of what to do next, of what he’ll be allowed to do—then Steve takes Tony’s chin in his hand and tilts his jaw up. Steve swallows and looks away for a moment, then turns back to Tony. Tony realizes it’s as much permission he’s going to get, and a small thrill shoots up Tony’s spine as he rises up just a little on his toes, enough to get his face barely an inch away from Steve’s.

So, maybe, maybe this isn’t a good idea, Tony thinks, thoughts racing through his mind so quickly he barely notices the small smile Steve spares him just before kissing him, soft and slow. It gets harder to think when Steve parts his lips open; Tony’s brain recalibrates to begin indexing the way Steve’s skin feels, the way Steve’s muscles shift under his touch, the ridges of wounds on his back that are already beginning to heal.

Steve’s thigh presses against Tony’s, and he walks them back towards Tony’s bed, and oh, god, isn’t that a thought? Tony thinks, already half delirious with Steve’s tongue in his mouth, his palms flush against the swell of Steve’s ass.

Steve barely pulls away, his lips still ghosting against Tony’s when he murmurs, “lie down,” and yes, Tony’s got a problem with authority but somehow his mind has taken this as an offer, not an order.

Tony’s knees are bracketing Steve’s hips and he can feel the curve of Steve’s cock against his. He feels like he’s an engine overheating, like his insides are full of steam and Steve’s the only one who can release the pressure. Vaguely, he realizes that he should be bothered by the way his body is singing with pain and soreness, but nothing else matters. Just Steve, and his hands, and his lips on Tony’s collarbone.

“Steve,” Tony breathes out, once again unable to form words, or any rational thought. Steve responds by sliding his hand down Tony’s side, worming around Tony’s waist to pull him closer. He’s being impossibly tender, pressing soft kisses all over Tony’s chest, his hands skating over the bandages, as if he’s on a mission to map every part of him. “Steve,” Tony says again, more urgently this time.

Steve disregards him, begins to lick and suck gently on Tony’s nipple, smiling slightly as Tony begins to writhe under him. “Harder,” Tony moans, and Steve doesn’t mind him, keeps his maddening pace.

“Please,” and it comes out much softer than he means it to, but all that matters at the moment is it’s what gets Steve to stop and look up at him. Out of everything Steve is doing to him, it’s the look Steve gives him that makes Tony gasp. There’s a word for that look. Tony conveniently forgets what it is.

 Tony’s only half asleep when he feels the bed rise. He keeps his eyes shut as he listens to the rustle of clothing, the soft pad of Steve’s steps, the barely perceptible click of his door opening.

The words are out of Tony’s mouth before he even finishes the thought. “Stay,” he says, then he rolls over to his side, away from the door and Steve’s retreating back. He strains to hear what happens next, remains resolute in his decision to hide after his faux pas. He listens, and hears Steve walk back into the bedroom. He feels the bed dip, then feels Steve settle in beside him.

Tony lets out a small breath, relieved and content now that Steve’s back. Steve wraps an arm around Tony’s torso, takes a breath, and then presses a small kiss to the skin behind Tony’s ear.

Tony bites down on his lip, tamps down on the urge to verbalize his appreciation.

 When he wakes up the next morning, he figures he was right not to say anything else; the bed is large, and empty, and cold. Thankfully, JARVIS increases the room temperature without Tony having to ask.

*

Fury’s intel comes through and the battle versus Justin Hammer’s robots is taxing, not for their ingenuity but because there are so many. It doesn’t help that Tony hasn’t had a decent night of sleep in almost a week (Tony’s lost count of how many times it’s happened between them, but Steve had stayed for a while, curled his body around Tony’s and dozed off on the couch in Tony’s penthouse, only for Tony to wake up alone, again).

Tony’s busy calculating the trajectory of his missiles for maximum impact when he’s suddenly knocked backwards and down by errant debris. He bangs along the fire escapes and the bricks of the opposite wall and lands flat on his back on one of the grimier side streets of New York.

He takes a moment to reorient himself and let out a few choice curse words, and he hasn’t even righted himself up when Steve arrives at his side, breathing hard.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Tony snaps, annoyed by the earnestness of Steve’s tone. The commlink crackles back to life, just in time to hear Steve say: “Tony’s fine.”

Despite this, Steve still does a cursory check of the armor, using his hands to feel for any alarming indents.

“I said I’m fine,” Tony says, irritation clipping his speech.

“Okay, okay,” Steve says, placating. Steve seems to take a moment to center himself, then he reaches over to rest his hand on the cheek of Tony’s helmet. “Just take care, Tony,” he says softly.

Tony sighs, exasperated at this display. He blinks when he notices Steve glance around the alley they’re occupying, and then blinks again when Steve leans forward and presses a kiss to the top of Tony’s helmet. Tony knows he shouldn’t (can’t) feel the warmth of Steve’s lips, but he does; he has the sense memory to fill up the space.

“I will,” Tony acquiesces, and moves to get up. He files the moment away for further dissection, and helps Steve up. They stand beside each other for another second longer than necessary before throwing themselves back into the fray.

*

Tony finally gets Steve alone two days later, late at night in the kitchen. Tony disregards his need for caffeine, instead crowds Steve up against the counter and pulls him in for a kiss.

Steve’s hands immediately settle on Tony’s hips, and then they’re grinding against each other and yes, maybe Tony had intended to make a joke to thank Steve for being the first person to leave him alone in bed rather than the other way around. Intended to make light of the remorse he now felt, for all those times he’d left others. He’d meant to make a joke about the kiss Steve had all but seared into Tony’s forehead, teased him by asking, well, where’d all that affection go, huh?

Yes, yes, yes, he’d meant to, but now Steve’s knee is slotted in between Tony’s legs and Tony doesn’t even try to stop himself from rutting against it.

Steve steers them towards the elevator, hands roaming all over Tony’s arms, Tony’s back, Tony’s chest. Tony pulls away once they’re inside the elevator to direct them to Steve’s floor but Steve beats him to it, and then they’re in Tony’s penthouse, and Tony’s shirt is on the floor, and when did it become acceptable, Tony wonders, that he can’t seem to get a word in edgewise?

Steve fucks him hard against the wall, Tony’s legs wrapped around Steve’s waist as Steve takes, and there’s something to be said about how easily Tony divests control, how delirious with desire he feels when Steve pins him against the wall, growling praise into his ear.

Tony throws his head back sharply when he comes and is rewarded by the starburst of pain in the back of his skull mixed with the pleasure of release. Steve fucks him through it, bites at the exposed column of Tony’s neck. When Steve’s done, Tony’s too spent to stand properly, not that he’d ever admit that out loud. He doesn’t have to, though, and without any preamble Steve carries him back to his bed. He sighs softly when Steve lays him down, closes his eyes as Steve disappears and only opens them when he feels the soft touch of a damp towel on his stomach.

Tony bites down on his lip at the attention, at the strange tenderness of the scene. It’s the perfect time to make a quip, something about care, fondness. But Steve is looking at him so earnestly as he presses a kiss to Tony’s temple that all the words dry in his throat.

He doesn’t make a request for Steve to stay. Steve doesn’t offer.

[mamacleo]

Personal from Mom: the Good Bad Day

CW/TW: Physical distress leading to medium-duty progress, change, adaptation, and growth. Also spiritual stuff. CW: Really damned long. Sorry. I know, it's a chore, but if you follow me and Callie, you know how deeply layered a lot of this stuff is. Nothing extraneous is in there, though, I promise. You know I love labels. Like my winter distress, once called the Winter Monsters, now referred to (for accuracy) as the winter terrors. People who've known me since way back when have seen me struggle with labeling myself. They would tell me not to, and I couldn't really phrase it at the time, but what I needed to say was: no, please, don't ask me to redefine myself according to your perceptions of validity. Please accept that I am like this and help me work through it. So I want a label for the kind of day I am having today. I've been getting them more and more often without my having to try. For lack of anything catchier, I am labeling it a Good Bad Day. The word order is important! It means that there is also such a thing as a Bad Good Day, but they aren't the same. This isn't a gripe day, but this girl is just reporting. I think it's one of my bad pain days, one of those where all the weed in the world won't help. Maybe not that bad, but you may have read my description of the pain at its worst: it literally feels like each and every nerve-laden cell in your body is trapped in a vise and being crushed. Chronic pain sufferers know this day. It's that day where you cannot imagine making yourself move, yet you have to get to the bathroom SOMEhow, and ain't nobody gonna fix your coffee for you. So you do. You wake up in negative spoon territory and somehow you do it, even if "it" comprises only going to the bathroom. Now, I do have an emotional alarm clock, two actually, and their names are Adorable and Rosie. As I told my beautiful bride today, Adorabe gets this look when she realizes when, like today, only one hand is busy, and look old lady, I don't CARE if you're laying on it, I KNOW you got two hands. Let's see the other. Every morning she runs in to wake me up and get attention, and even if it irritates me some mornings, she always wins me over. Rosie comes in next for her morning affection, and...that's the start of a Good Bad Day. I'll sum up because Constant Reader knows the details. There's the pain, and the pain brings weariness. Today's promised partly-sunny day in the 60s is now just the latest in a long couple of weeks of chilly cloudfests. I'm starting to get really tired of them. We're broke for a few days and we need a couple of things. (Luckily not immediate necessities, but.) Things need picked up a bit, but there's no energy for it. I wanted to grill today, but can't see it happening. . And yet, my mood is good. Not just agreeable, but positive. The progesterone, which my love calls my "chill pills," have become the last piece in a 60-year puzzle. Callie and I remembering us joking around last night, some silly humor and some bawdy humor. Me promising that if I feel up to it (I will), I will redesign some pages for her. Realizing that, you know, it's weird, but I actually LIKE bird and squirrel videos for cats. Having a couple funny observations and sharing them. Getting to pet the outside cat, Buddy, when I brought him his breakfast. Adorable is right next to me, napping. My writing skills are in great form today, and I said a couple of things that I felt were more well-written, more helpful than before. Having people reach out just to share this or that with me privately. Feeling content because yesterday, I redefined my purpose in life, and the situation in which we live, in a way that is both rewarding and helpful to my beloved bride. Because that redefinition might not have happened without the exact right intervention at the exact right moment by my pearl, my girl, myErie (Because this is important at the end, I'm gonna sum up what happened that was so bad, Erie had to call. An issue I thought was settled turned out not to be, and that was moving to Cleveland, my girl's home town that she

misses so much. There were levels of significance to it that I just plain couldn't see because of my privilege, but the Chauvin trial brought them all to the front for her. My episodes can be weird. In this case, everything was emotional, and there were some severe conflicts involving resisting some selfish motives while trying my best to look out for her. The emotional issues involved for me triggered my BPD, of course, and the bottom dropped out and I had a really, monstrously bad episode. I isolated badly and was so overwrought, Callie thought I was going to leave. Erie intervened, made perfect sense as always, and sat with us on the phone while we worked through it. Like that, everything is right again. I say again: I will walk in front of her in case of bullets.) , responded to my plea to adopt me (to get his food!) and he asked me if I wanted to be his daughter fo real. And I said yes. So really, my breath left me and I was alive with fear and hope at the same time, and I said: "Thanks, mom." She was more than okay with it. And...Mom has a mom. Mom didn't know how much she needed a mom until one day, this powerful soul, this woman namedLinda , said the exact right thing at the exact right time...and out of nowhere, the urge, the *need,* to say this knocked at the door and took my breath away. I don't exaggerate. The last time I felt this was when my Pop,Greg And yes. She really is a mom. She really is my mom. Just thinking about it takes my breath away again. I waited my entire life, wanting a mom who never existed. And then... See, she said a thing to me that struck me hard for two reasons, and it was not long after I transitioned. It was a picture of modeling a bodice dress and looking happy, and she said, "You have a powerful strength that I'm not sure you even see yourself." It struck me hard because she is not the first to have said this, and she and the first person to say it, when I was 19, are not the only ones who have said it. I capped that and kept it so I would never lose it, and in the hopes that one day I could show it to her and say, hey, I see it now. I'm living it now. It gets amazing sometimes. The other reason it struck me so hard was that, and if she wants to talk about this I would love her to, when I reads those words, I felt something. The other day I talked about the gestalt and the lack of physical distance, and how items and artifacts can be conduits for spirit. The internet is the same way. Someone's words on the screen can be a conduit for your spirits to connect, and I felt it at the time and knew it was a different one than the other spiritual connections. The thing she said, others have said to me, but the thrill that took my breath away was that I could feel her faith. The boss who said that to me when I was 19, he had an expression that was, now that I reflect on it, quite possibly the trigger, THE moment, that things turned around. Because he was the first person to express faith in me. I mean, really, upon examination, I remember people encouraging me, but he was the first one to express faith in me. Damn, I wish I could find him and rock his world. That was what Linda said, too. Across the miles, I felt her faith. Yes, mom, I am going to say it right out loud in case I'm not being clear: you made a difference in my life. I called you mom, and that was where it started. You made my hope grow. (ASIDE: Ahh, it is NOT one of those pain days after all. Hallelujah for herbal medicine.) (Edibles hate it when you talk shit about them and get you back.) So it is a Good Bad Day. Things would probably, ordinarily, make me grumpy today, but I feel content. For today, at least, things are consonant. Nothing is bothering me. I have redefined what I saw as a coming traumatic struggle into the opportunity to guide both of us into a new and more exciting life. We are surrounded by love. The day is gray, but there are sunny days coming. We want for nothing. We're having a handfasting in two months and family will be here. In September, I'll be able, finally, to legally change my name,

and we'll change hers legally at the same time. On top of all of this, I am confident now that the 40 years in the desert is over. There is a sea change happening. You can see it in the resistance against the worst of it by the majority of Americans. The awfulness reached its worst and shocked every decent American, and the people who drove it have lost their credibility outside anyone in their sewing circle. Their influence is now waning. There are good years coming, and much to look forward to. I feel happy, and that's the weirdness that set this all off. Everything is in balance. Of course there will be bad days again. I'm still mentally ill and while it's under as much control as it can be under, it's not under total control. But I'm okay with that. I know they'll happen, but they make the sweet times sweeter. My beautiful, wonderful Lilith, you will be rewarded for all the good you do. I love you. I love our life. I love being who you need. I will do more to be who you want. Mazel tov!

[echodrops]

I just read your post about shipping and energy and I finished it with an interesting question in mind. A los of the examples you use to defend the theory the "tension" Or energy beetwen the characters have some Interactions that could be consider "Toxic" Así a relationship, but because of that tensión that just make more fans ship it. Emotions of jelaously, hate, self worth bla bla. I would like to know your opinión on Toxic relationships on shipping and the difference (1/2?)

And the difference of how people Accept it depending if the ship is Slash or het. Dont get me wrong. What I try to exploin in My crappy English is that sometimes I have seen shippers calling Toxic and unhealthy het ships (I can give you plenty of examples) but at the same time drowning in feelings about the exact same concept on Slash. It can be domination, bickering, power dinamics etc.   Please a dont send this ina negative context its just something I have notice (2/2)

No worries, I got you. I think your point is really valid and there are a lot of discrepancies in how people ship when it comes to het versus slash.

In this case, my answer to this has three different parts to it:

1) I am always very, very cautious about applying the term “toxic” to a fictional relationship because--and I am aware this is not a popular opinion to have on tumblr--I do see a clear distinction between fiction and reality. Can systemic, widespread efforts in media to normalize something have impacts on public perception? Sure. Japan’s thing for twelve-year-old girls in anime is fucked up, my dudes. But in terms of fictional relationships, would any sane person look at things like, say, a psychopathic villain and hero ship and go “Oh man, Sephiroth/Cloud is such relationship goals; can’t wait to find me a serial killer!”? “Yeah dude, I really hope my next girlfriend is a yandere who will stab me sixteen times in non-vital places for fun!” “I can’t wait to engage in armed combat with my evil boyfriend who has enslaved my best friends and won’t give them back unless I let the rest of the world perish!” ...said no real person ever. Lots of things happen in fiction that we--as readers and viewers--can fully appreciate would never be okay in the real world. (And yes, this does extend even to more realistic things like jealousy, bickering, bullying--I like Bakugou as a character, but I’d never be able to tolerate a person who acted like him in real life.) 

I wholeheartedly believe that, outside of illegal things which should obviously be reported, each person has responsibility only for their own fandom experience, and I highly encourage people to make full use of the blocking and filtering features available in fandom spaces to avoid any content that makes them feel uncomfortable or any ships they find to be unhealthy.

So: My opinion on toxic ships is that virtually any ship in this world could be perceived as toxic by someone, and that the alternative--a world in which the ONLY ships we’re allowed to write about or draw or even just like are those which are perfectly healthy pure pure love-fests--sounds horrible to me.

2) Very few people ship without an endgame in mind. I can’t think of anyone who looks at two characters who absolutely hate each other and thinks “Wow, I can’t wait to write a 100,000 word fic in which their relationship does not evolve in the slightest and they end the story hating each other exactly as much as they did on Day 1!” JK, maybe I can, I was in the Durarara fandom, after all. When people ship “toxic” relationships, it is almost always with the idea of character growth and change in mind--the idea is “They are not healthy for each other now, but the whole point of my story or art is that they’ll become healthy for each other over time.” The power of love can heallll peopleeee.

Are the characters jealous of each other now, aggressive toward each other now, enemies right now? Obviously in the shipper’s mind, these are challenges that can be overcome in time by the characters learning and developing into better versions of themselves. Perhaps this is an overly optimistic worldview that leads people to make bad choices in real life--awful people in real life rarely change as much for the better as characters in fiction are capable of changing, but that’s the beauty of fiction: it doesn’t show us people as they are, but people as we wish they could be. We want to believe that the toxic pair of characters can find common ground and heal each other. That the people who are jealous of each other will instead come to appreciate each other by the end. That the misunderstandings will be cleared up. That mistakes will be forgiven. People typically aren’t shipping a toxic ship because they love toxicity--they’re shipping that relationship specifically because they see potential beyond that tension.

We typically ship with “happily ever after” in mind, with the understanding that the life is too hard and people too flawed for that road to always be an easy one.

3) I think you are right that there is a discrepancy in the way that people view het ships and slash ships; namely, there is a discrepancy between the way het ships and mlm ships are viewed.

There are probably a lot of long and complicated sociological explanations for this that someone with more research in the field could explain better, but my first thought on this is that the discrepancy is based primarily on how fans understand male and female dynamics versus male and male dynamics.

For example, society is coded strongly to view a man who hits, dominates, or is aggressive to a woman as a very, very bad guy. (Perhaps this is something widespread media depictions have normalized?) Whereas “dude kicks another guy’s ass” has a whole different connotation in modern views. It is certainly a double standard, and part of the reason that so many male victims of abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, etc. go ignored. Men are viewed as “too strong” to be victims; therefore, even many of the “wokest” fans can accept two male characters having a violent dynamic, when they would never accept that scenario between a male and female character.

That said, I think we also need to recognize that the way female characters are portrayed in media contributes to this problem. A preponderance of female characters in media are limited in what they can do and the situations they are allowed to engage in. As with BNHA, for example, “good” women are not allowed to be violent, jealous (other than over boys), aggressive, etc. Women are simply treated as not eligible for a wide variety of the dynamics that fictional men are written with. A male character having a superiority-inferiority complex over his also-male rival? Not surprising in the least. A male character having a superiority-inferiority complex over a female rival? Pshhh, yeah right. A female character bitterly jealous over a male character’s power, leadership, or skill? Surely she just admires his ability. Through a combination of misogyny and toxic masculinity, the stories themselves tell readers that unhealthy dynamics are commonplace and acceptable when they happen between two males, while “good” female characters should only be a source of healthy, supportive dynamics.

If we’re talking about unintended messages that writers send readers/viewers when it comes to character dynamics, this is definitely one of them!

tl;dr: Writers train their readers to expect and want certain things, but often do so carelessly or while unaware of the ways their own stereotypical societal views and cliche genre conventions will be taken and transformed by fandoms.

[wosoenthusiast]

Webinar: Celebrating LGBT+ Inclusion at Chelsea

I know this event was not recorded so here are some notes from the “Celebrating LGBT+ Inclusion at Chelsea” webinar. Please note: these are NOT direct quotes!! I didn’t start taking super detailed notes until a few minutes into the panel, sorry about that. And I did a quick read through but I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors.

The panel included Chris Gibbons (moderator), Pernille Harder, Sara Matthews, Graeme Le Saux, and Funke Awoderu

----- 

Chris: introduced each panelist and talked a little about rainbow laces

Graeme: (general point: we’ve made a lot of progress in the last 5-10 years, especially since I retired. Sorry, I wasn’t taking as detailed notes right at first)

Funke: (general point: Authentic support is so important.)

Sara: Sport brings people together. Chelsea is a brand with international following and a huge platform. Zero tolerance policy for a long time, internal and external. Demonstrating by doing not just by saying. Want to understand their demographic, look at areas where they are less diverse and how to address that. Look at who works in football, show a different type of recruitment.

Chris: I was nervous about being an out gay man coming into working at the FA. I asked in my interview about whether it was an open environment for a gay man and got a very thorough answer about anti-discrimination policies. Has that developed?

Funke: Yes, if you can’t see it, you can’t be it. Data tells us something. Use it well to inform you plans. Proud of the LGBTQ+ people in the FA and their contributions. Don’t want to put people in boxes so we are trying to build a progressive, diverse environment. Learn from others and people’s lived experiences. Listen to the stories people tell. We’re on the right road. If you can’t see it, you can’t be it. And it needs to happen on the leadership level.

Chris: Welcome to Chelsea, Pernille. I want to understand your experience of culture in the women’s game- previous clubs, international, and now being new to Chelsea. Women’s game is known for being open. What are your thoughts/experiences?

Pernille: Women’s’ football has always been open about homosexuality. Locker room and fans are very open. In Denmark environment- I wasn’t out, not comfortable. No one else was homosexual. It’s important that you don’t feel alone. I felt a difference right away when I came to Sweden, it was so normalized. I felt I could be myself which is the most important thing.

Graeme: I agree so much. If you feel you’re isolated, it stops you being yourself and others being themselves too. Infrastructure and support and work being done outside the game holding football accountable. Learning from other environments that are further ahead in inclusivity. Pernille, I’m curious, do you think not being out in Denmark held you back?

Pernille: It might, I didn’t think about it at the time. [After coming out], I felt more calm and secure and like I could be 100% self. I felt more honest with myself. It feels better when you trust yourself and what you’re doing. It reflects when you play too.

Chris: Where does it come from? Fans, locker room, Chelsea? What creates a positive, inclusive environment?

P: All individuals are open minded. No one uses sexuality or religion in a negative way. Comes from teammates, staff, everything around you. [It’s important that] the highest leaders in the club are inclusive, affects everyone underneath and what values to act from.

Sara: Reading on stonewalls website 43% of LGBTQ+ people don’t feel welcome at public events (not sure about this stat), such a shame. Being at Kingsmeadow, wow, what a different number that would be. A great place to come enjoy sport and feel very welcome and be a positive perception change.

Chris: We have lots of women’s team fans with us. Go to Chelsea women’s games!! (Mentions Chelsea Pride group and a few other groups and initiatives.) Graeme, why is a group like this so important? Why did you want to be a patron?

Graeme: To get honest feedback from people, get perspectives. Groups of different communities and perspectives are so important. They are a signpost for people who don’t have the confidence or support around them in their own lives. Can help people get into watching football and know that it’s a safe space. Every space should be safe of course, which is the next chapter- people don’t have to work under and umbrella to feel safe and welcome. It’s all built on trust and openness. Willingness to admit you might not get everything right all the time.

Chris: Pernille, you haven’t had much chance to engage with fans at Kingsmeadow, but why do you think these groups are important?

P: It’s important to feel a part of something and not alone. Groups like that help with this. Yesterday, we finally had fans back, 700 I think. I can’t wait to get more. In women’s football, fans love football, they don’t care who you are- sexuality, skin color.

Chris: Funke mentioned before the diversity of LGBTQ+. Trans people still feel a lot of barriers in taking part in sport. In 2014, the FA published policy on trans participation. Do you think football is becoming more inclusive for trans people?

Funke: This is one area that the whole game needs to collaborate better. LGBTQ+ identities are all lumped together right now. Lots of differences in LGBTQ+ community that we’re not considering, more conversations around gender identity, inclusion, education- we need to do the work around the journey for LGB work and apply it to trans inclusion. Now more than ever. There’s so much toxicity and miseducation. If we’re true to ‘the game is for everybody’, we can’t leave trans community behind. To come out as trans is not an easy thing to do, LGB people can pass but trans people sometimes cannot. Educate ourselves, use that to inform policy

Chris: How does that reflect what clubs are doing?

Sara: On the subject of intersectionality- we have to be honest. The data we have today is very recent. People are reluctant to report honestly, there may be fear. From an employer of choice perspective and perception- it’s about fairness, change the stereotype (like who works in football). We’re talking about diversity and inclusion every day. Huge range of departments which means you can bring in a huge range of people with different skills and experiences. You can create a different culture for the organization. Starts at recruitment, put forward the culture of the organization. When she sits in interviews, people ask about DEI, sustainability, corporate social responsibility. People expect their organization to have a narrative and verbalize what they think and feel about discrimination. Chelsea has stepped forward and said zero tolerance but message needs to be confirmed internally. Much more to be done. Education and information- it was not too long ago when women weren’t prevalent in the workforce, but it’s changed. Change happens fast. Lots of new and different people entering the workforce. Listen to people with different perspectives and points of view. We can create a better employee environment by making it so no one is ‘the other’, which comes with diversity

Chris: People have seen news about fans booing when people kneel and other negative reaction and that’s what sticks. What more needs to be done to tackle culture of hate in the stands? ..... Pernille, do you hear much discriminatory language in the stands at women’s game? What’s your experience?

P: No, fan culture is very different in men’s and women’s football. Men’s football is so big so there are a lot of different football fans. It’s difficult to say what to do to change it. It’s important to do something and act. Responsibility of players and other fans- trying to create a different fan culture. Standing up when you hear something. Players need to be stubborn and must stand up for each other.

Chris: Do you think if there was abuse, the response form the women’s game would be robust and quick? More solidarity [than in men’s football]?

P: I don’t know because I haven’t experienced it. I guess so

Graeme: It’s great that you haven’t experienced that. That’s a really big plus.

Chris: Chelsea was the first club to introduce fan re-education (like if a fan was banned for certain language anti-Semitism, they’d have a chance to learn more about why that language was not acceptable). Player re-education exists. How do we get fans to understand this better?

Graeme: It’s important to understand context of where it’s coming from, help someone overcome prejudice by learning something new. Doesn’t send out the right message to just throw someone out. There are a lot of things we grow up with contribute to this ignorance, so figure out where it’s coming from. Set boundaries of what we will and won’t tolerate. Give people a chance to own up to their mistakes. I’ve made some big mistakes in my career and been punished. I was taught to be honest, deal with consequences, and move on. That might remove external pressure. Make transition a bit smoother [as football moves forward], bring more people along

Chris: Funke’s been involved with the Rainbow laces campaign since early days. What impact do you think it has on the pro and grassroots game?

Funke: Immeasurable impact. Every start of the campaign gets better and better with the amount of support. It connect with adult and youth football. People love what the campaign stands for and want to get behind it and support it. Normalizing the playing field, this is a great opportunity to demonstrate the values and culture of your club. Challenge: how to continue to innovate and be creative in conversations and take it to the next level. It continues to grow and grow. More and more, people are taking a personal stand and educating themselves. Campaign has been a success but we won’t rest on our laurels. We must continue.

Chris: I tell youth players about the rainbow laces campaign and they sort of roll their eyes because they learn about and talk about this in school (and with their peers). The culture moving forward will be much more inclusive with the next generation of players. Do you think this will happen in clubs? (I didn’t quite catch this question but I think this is what he asked)

Sara: Yes. People wanted to be associated and show support, bummer we aren’t working at Stamford bridge in person. The next generation is going to be so important. There’s a lot of hate, and standing up against all of is important. People do want to learn- the more you learn, the less afraid you are to ask questions. People are still afraid of offending sometimes too but we’re moving toward really celebrating difference.

Chris: (reads a submitted question out loud about how Pernille is a role model and inspired this person to come out and be themselves) Pernille, how does it feel to be a role model for LGBTQ+ people, not only in sport?

Pernille: It’s great to hear this question. When I was younger, I missed some role models who were homosexual. I try to live as if it’s nothing special. I’m just myself, not hiding anything. That means showing pictures with my girlfriend and just acting normally. I don’t want to do something that doesn’t feel genuine. A lot of people like that I’m just myself and not embarrassed [about being homosexual].

Chris: There are people out there that think you’re a role model too, Graeme. Do you have a sense of the importance of role models?

Graeme: Once you have a profile, you recognize responsibilities associated with that. Whether you like it or not, you become a role model. None of us set out to be a role model. If you take money from sponsors because they think you can sell the product, you should be happy to be a role model, comes with the territory. Some people are more suited to that so it’s important to not hold people to go beyond their comfort. I take great pride in my ability to support things I believe in. I support in public and private and I don’t share everything about myself in public. Stand up and support values and principles, even when it’s not related to me. I was very alone in experience of defending myself [from rumors of being gay] while supporting people around me. It’s a big challenge in many ways. I will always do what I do out of principle. With a profile, you can reach more people.

Chris: Another question for Sara and Funke- what is the club’s response to supporters who have troll comments on rainbow laces posts? Should the club work harder to block and remove those comments?

Sara: The club won’t be dissuaded from doing the right thing. Follow discrimination laws- we will support and take action. Block and report when they can on social media. We do see other people who are posting challenge those comments. Those are important parts, have to work with social media companies, it’s not just trolling in football. Social media companies have to help as well to help manage this

Funke: Any organization driven by principles and values, there will always be haters sharing their view. We take the same measures that Sara just said. Year to year, the ecosystem conversation, calling people out, challenging people back. We know those comments will come. Work with social media companies to have more coordinated effort to take things down. Threshold for football is higher compared to those organizations [social media companies], makes it challenging to take things down immediately 

Chris: Graeme and Pernille, do you deal with trolls?

P: yes, there are a few. There will always be haters, especially when you speak up about your opinion. I mostly ignore them and focus on the positive. More positive than negative, positive people will comment on the negative which is amazing

G: yes, I do. I don’t like to give those people oxygen. As soon as you start engaging, you risk it escalating. Turn to social media companies for support too.

Chris: That’s the end of the hour, thanks all for your time! I’m so looking forward to where these conversations will go in the future.

[everythingwrong]

  EVERYTHING WRONG WITH KPOP

 

Before we start discussing about the problems or the backlashes faced by the Korean Pop industry, we need to know a little about how and where this entertainment industry began. A term now widely used to refer to the popularity of Korean entertainment and culture across Asia and other parts of the world, Hallyu or the “Korean Wave” first appeared during the mid-1990s. After Korea entered into diplomatic relations with China in 1992 and Korean TV dramas and pop music gained great popularity in Chinese-speaking communities.

 

Me personally being a Korean entertainment fan cannot choose to ignore the various flaws in the Korean entertainment industry. As a K-pop the music given me positivity and happiness. And I do think that a lot of fans of the K-pop and K-dramas will agree with me that the Korean Entertainment industry has brought in more happiness in our lives. And, I think a lot of us are well aware of the tight schedules, unhealthy diets and toxicity within the industry. Through this video I would like to address the problems the idols face due to this beauty standard and perfection that Korean entertainment industry showcases.

 

Now, let's start addressing the actual problems that this industry faces. This industry is racist, xenophobic, sexist and fatphobic.

 

1. EXISTENCE OF SLAVE CONTRACTS

 

 

 The idols are made to sign slave contracts with the entertainment labels. And, these contracts gives the entertainment labels  complete control over the idols and their daily life is strictly monitored by their managers. Even, the food that they consume is monitored by their managers. Now, addressing about "slave contracts ".In the past, K-Pop contracts usually were around 7-15 years, so they were nicknamed “slave contracts. However, many artists started filing lawsuits due to how unreasonable these contracts were. Over the years, companies started settling down and shortened the length of their contracts. Despite all of this, even if an idol group becomes famous majority of the money goes to the managers and the entertainment label. 

 

We all know how draining the kpop industry is,the idols are overworked, pressured and always have to be on their best behaviour. This makes them sacrifice their mental health. And along with all of these they even have to deal with a lot of criticism from the audience. And we have also seen several cases of kpop idols who not having been able to deal with the pressure in the industry and having received hate from people choose to end their lives. And, the scandals in industry are on a different level and that it.

 

 

2. THE BEAUTY STANDARDS

  

 

Idols are sometimes forced to have a plastic surgery to meet the beauty standard. But, nowadays due to a lot of emphasis on the freedom of idols, the idols can sue the company if they are forced to undergo a plastic surgery, but majority of the time the idols are trainees when they are asked undergo surgeries and stuff. What more would a trainee want than getting a chance to debut. So instead of taking any legal courses the idols end of altering themselves to just be part of the industry. And, this negatively influences not only the idols but also the fans who follow them. All Asian countries in general have a perception that  if a person has white skin he/she beautiful. And this perception is overemphasised by this industry. Now, about them being fatphobic. Any female idol weighing above 50 kgs is forced to go on a strict diet,due to this a lot of idols end up being underweight and and they also develop several health complication. And on several instances companies and idols have been caught lying about their weight just to maintain the image and be a part of the beauty standards. And we have also seen instances where idols have fainted while preforming on stages.

 

 

3. HARDSHIPS THAT TRAINEE'S HAVE TO UNDERGO 

 

Trainee's. We all know that before a new idol group is formed the entertainment label conducts auditions. There are usually many auditions held each year but it’s pretty hard to pass the audition since there are many people auditioning.

 

When you become a trainee you have to take singing, dancing, and acting lessons as well as some language classes if you are a foreigner. Life as a trainee can be hard because of the tight schedules and also the mistreatment.  During the evaluations the trainees have to perform their best to show the company that there are making progress in their training or else they’ll get kicked from the company if they’re not improving. And they are also graded on a monthly basis and ranked, due to which the idol trainees are under constant pressure to be number one. 

 

In addition to their training, trainees also usually receive homework to do on a daily basis, and if they don’t do their homework given to them by their company, they’re going to get left behind. There are many trainees who give up their dreams of becoming a kpop idol because of the tight schedules and all the training and practice they have to do in order to not get kicked  from the company. And also, there are certain companies who request to get paid training fees by their trainees,but, it’s not common. And, in addition to this, there have been situations in which several people who have trained for years to be become an idol ,have not been able to become one. Just think,what career options do they have left, they would have put in all their efforts into becoming a idol and if they or their group fail to debut what are they supposed. How are they supposed to fend themselves.

 

4. RACISM

 

There have been several instances of racism that kpop stars belonging to different ethnicities or mixed race stars have undergone.SBS Pop Asia reported that Fei from Miss A had stated that during her early days in the kpop she was tormented by people who thought that she showered only once a week as she was Chinese. And,singer Shannon was repeatedly called a foreigner despite her being half korean. Mamamoo, a girl group has also given a lengthy apology for putting on a blackface to portray Bruno Mars.

 

5. CULTURAL APPROPRITATION

https://twitter.com/adorebybeykook/status/1270817395242827778?s=20

https://youtu.be/uUCrK4aQOlg

On June 26, one of the biggest groups in the K-pop music industry made their long-awaited comeback. Blackpink, a four-member girl group, released their single "How You Like That" and its accompanying music video after over a year, breaking several records. It became the YouTube video, as well as the music video, with the most views in a day at a whopping 86.3 million. But as fans rejoiced about their favourite group’s comeback, another corner of the internet outraged. In yet another incident, K-pop idols were called out for misappropriating South Asian culture and religion.In a scene that has now been removed, one of the members could be seen rapping sitting beside a sculpture of Lord Ganesh, a Hindu god. South Asian K-pop fans expressed their anger at the fact that the bust was just used for aesthetic purposes on the set—which had nothing to do with Hinduism. In Hindu religion, the elephant-headed god is invoked at the beginning of prayers, important undertakings, and religious ceremonies. Fans not happy about seeing the deity being used as prop then spoke out against cultural appropriation in the music industry, lashing out against it on social media.

In 2017, Korean idol Lee Hyo Ri came out with a song called “White Snake”.The song was just one of the thousands that K-pop idols had released that year, except for the one thing that made it stand out: It had a stanza of the Gayatri Mantra, a Sanskrit chant that is said to be one of the holiest mantras in Hindu culture. It is a Vedic prayer, associated with the divine and the pure. So obviously, when South Asian fans saw her perform a seductive sequence to it, they weren’t very happy, to say the least.

 

Despite all of the flaws in the industry. I will continue to support my favourite idols because they deserve a lot of support for what they are doing. And it is our support that keeps them going. And again,thank you for watching this video and do not forget to like, subscribe and comment.

[ilcaeryx]

Tenacity: Chapter 9 - Cannibalism [Takami Keigo | Hawks/Reader]

SUMMARY: Your nightly Twitter sleuthing brings up an inappropriate question about Keigo and he spends the evening denying you any straight answers. 

TAGS: One-shot, Hawks/Reader, Takami Keigo/Reader, comedy, cute, fluff, pillow talk

NOTES: This is a part of the Tenacity one-shot compilation!!! Celebrating that it’s Friday with a one-shot featuring Hawks! I had tons of fun writing this. I can’t wait until he properly shows up in the anime.

Your boyfriend Keigo patrolled the roads and rooftops of your city during the day, a professional ensuring the citizens’ safety from villains. When he returned back home for the night, you devoted a good 15 minutes before bedtime to scroll endlessly on your phone, an amateur guardian of his Twitter tag. If you were honest, you were more like a trigger-happy vigilante than a righteous guardian. The perfect duo, to be honest.

Was he aware of your nightly sleuthing?

No. Not the fact that you were basically the head of his protection squad, at least.

Because your spare time always went by fast, your bed time approached and you got comfortable under the sheets. You checked for new Tweets under the ‘wingherohawks’ tag… thirst tweets, hate tweets or whatever the world tossed at you. This had been a routine since months back, when Keigo had whined about being unable to DM you during the day. Mind you, it hadn’t even been during the honeymoon period of your relationship; you two had been together for a solid two years now and this hadn’t been a thing prior, keeping things to the usual phone messages. However, as he had risen in hero rank he saw a need to use his social media platform often, so the two of you became much more familiar with Twitter as a result. 

There was a contrasting duality to reading what anonymous people wrote about him. While you loved the thirst tags because of their relatability, though they did make you cringe at times, you silently raged whenever you came across something that could be constructed as hate or pointless negativity. Thus, you had unofficially taken on the Hawks’ Protection Squad leader position – a one person crew reporting whatever nastiness you came across. You thought it made a difference, as he had been visibly more relaxed while browsing during the evening.

This night, your feed was pretty innocent for once. You bit the inside of your cheek, resisting a smile at a recent picture snapped of Keigo patrolling the streets, taken from his profile. It must have been after confronting a villain, as he was pushing back his hair with a dreamy expression on his face. He was intensely photogenic.

Humming, you liked the picture and continued scrolling downwards. 

“Chicken, when are you coming to bed?” you asked loudly, peering over your duvet towards the hallway. A second later, the shuffling of feathers against each other and feet slapping against the floor rang out. Your chicken did not enter the bedroom, standing by the entrance like a vampire awaiting an invitation. Holding a bowl beneath his face with one hand, he fished up some noodles.

“Angel,” he greeted you in a creamy tone and guided his chopsticks his mouth. The dark outlines around his eyes made his eyes seem like those of a cheetah, perceptive and predatory. It was an interesting diversion compared to his general relaxed body language. After slurping the last of the noodles, he wiped his hand over his lips and pointed at you with his chopsticks. “I’ll join you after I’m done eating, I promise.”

There was nothing to read online… so you were bored. This one day, you would let him break the rules of the house. “I allow you to eat in our bed now, so you can sit here.”

Keigo did a double-take and pursed his lips. “That’s not suspicious at all. What are you up to?”

“Nothing, I just want your company,” you said and padded the empty, cold space by your side next to the bed’s edge. “Your fat ass can fit here, don’t worry.”

You let out an entertained howl as he feigned a hurt expression, concealing his cheeks and eyes. “I was just about to say that you were going to kill me with cuteness someday.”

“I am cute the majority of the time and I’m pretty certain I’ll be the death of you. Be nice to me, Takami Keigo, or you’ll regret it.”

He whined and stumbled inside, shooing you tenderly to the side. Sitting down, he continued to eat. 

“What are you eating?” You rotated until you were on your side, your stomach pressed against his back.

“Leftovers from yesterday, since you didn’t devour everything. Do you want some?”

“Eh, I already brushed my teeth. Thank you for the offer.” You would 100% regret saying that later. That would be a problem for future Y/N, though.

You could hear his lips curve upwards  while answering. “Suit yourself.”

For a good twenty minutes, because Keigo never ate like a starving man, you caressed his back while he made his way through the bowl. Occasionally you exchanged quips but you didn’t demand anything other than his presence next to you.

You were content.

When Keigo had completed his night routine he crawled up in bed next to you, encroaching into your space.

“Come here,” he whispered, his voice fuzzy in the darkness. Rolling over, you nestled your head on his arm, his biceps warm against your cheek. When he drew his wing above your body and upwards, it was kind of like resting inside a tent. Feeling his silky feathers against your arm was very pleasant. With great care, he adjusted himself into comfort.

Suddenly recalling that you had to turn on your alarms, you quickly brought up your phone and did so.

“I’ve never been this turned off in my life. Bringing out your phone when you’re talking to another human being.”He stroked stray hair-strands out of your face with his free hand, twining them behind your ear, speaking to you with affection despite the harsh words.

“Unless you want to wake up at 10AM, I have to turn on the alarm.”

“To be honest, I’d love that.”

“Same.” A notification popped up and out of curiosity you tapped it. Then you read it. The Tweet that made you peace out and put your phone away. However, you refused to live with that question blistering inside you without affecting Keigo. “Chicken. I have a weird question for you.”

He hummed in a positive manner, so you proceeded.

“You’re human, right?”

Keigo ceased brushing your hair, his fingers remaining at the tip of your ear. “Well, you’ve seen me naked. You can be the judge of that.”

“I would personally say yes to that question. You’ve got hawk wings, though.”

“I wonder where this is going to end…”

“Just trust me. Look, if you’re mostly human and your wings are hawk wings, do your wings taste like human or fowl?” You didn’t want him to roll over because of your borderline creepy question, so you grasped his shoulder and pulled yourself to his naked chest.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard this question. Damn, I wouldn’t complain if it was the last time.”

Without thinking, you burst out, “So you don’t know the answer to the question?”

“My future bride,” he said and kissed the top of your head, “consider what you just implied.”

“C’mon, self-cannibalism isn’t that bad. Hold on, what do you mean with future bride?” Whatever tiredness had settled into your limbs dispersed. You weren’t sure if he was kidding or not because his tone had been neutral, as if he were stating a fact.

“Please, stop struggling and go to sleep.”

“Keigo, what did you mean with future bride? Did you say that just to throw me off?” You brought yourself up on an elbow and showed your canines before digging your teeth into his shoulder. It was a timid bite, not worthy of the orchestrated ouch he exclaimed.

“You’re actually a cannibal in disguise!”

“That’s hardly kinkier than what we usually do. Elaborate on the bride thing.”

 “Heh, you’ll find out someday. If you’re nice to me, of course.” Keigo’s chest vibrated against your forehead as he laughed lowly.

None of you had brought up marriage before. It made you ponder whether he was pulling your leg or if he had been thinking about it. Would he be that cruel? Perhaps you would deserve it after the coming question.

“Chicken,” you said, your voice unsteady with laughter. “You have an unlimited amount of feathers, right? Have you ever thought of making dakimakuras containing your feathers? I think they would sell well. Hell, I would probably even get one myself.”

You must have broken him because he didn’t move nor speak for a good 30 seconds.

“I’ll make you one for your birthday,” he eventually said, sounding somewhat thoughtful.

“Seriously?!”

“No. You’ve got the real thing here,” he slid his free hand down your arm and brought your hand to his chest, “and you’re asking for a dakimakura? You’re breaking my heart, Y/N.”

Low-key disappointed, you drew your nails against his skin. You enjoyed how his breath quickened as you drew them between his chest muscles to the top of his stomach, yet not further. “You’re a tease. You’re absolutely horrible to me, Keigo.”

Your chicken didn’t seem interested in trading retorts anymore, so you shut up and awaited what would happen next.

Enjoyed this? Give it a like or reblog. You can also follow me for more or check out my other one-shots and drabbles.

Inspired by EXO-CBX's Blooming Day.

[imma-talk-back]

Yesterday, I was called a Nigger.  Within mere minutes of being in my favorite store, it happened.  Without warning, a gentleman bisected my path and seemingly reflexively blurted it out.  It was if the word had a life of its own and was pushing forth from his mouth at a full sprint. I say this not to emphasize the innocence of the man, but to shed light on the immense power of that word. 

Yeah... I thought that’d get your attention. 

Frankly, I’ve always been one to prefer Target to Walmart.  I appreciate the structure and organization of the store, and though I am a person who thrives in areas of “organized chaos”, I’m afraid, I find Walmart to be a little too chaotic for my liking.  As someone who suffers from The Big Bad Beast that is Anxiety, I experience a visceral uneasiness in certain environments, but generally speaking Target is one of few places I nearly always feel safe in.  There are of course the antsy customers who brush past me on occasion or ride my tail too closely in the checkout, but for the most part, to me, Target represents the epitome of comfortable shopping experiences.  It’s almost as if the structure demands it’s patrons to be on their best behavior.  Unfortunately, not everyone heed these demands... 

Please allow me to begin by laying the ground work; let me explain just how much effort I put into a simple trip to the market.  You see, one of the many awful things about this lovely condition that is Anxiety is that it has the potential to make even the most mundane tasks feel insurmountable.  A quick errand run the average person puts little thought into, can for someone like me, be a delicate tightrope walk; from the moment I leave the safety of my car and began my trek though the aimless herds of self-focused patrons, to the exact position of my body in accordance to yours, while in line.  I see you in a straight line, but I take several steps to the right or left, creating a meticulously crafted triangle between you and the person in front of me; all with the intention to grant me just a bit more security.  You see, I’ve been socially distancing since before COVID made it cool.  

Well, it’s about time I get to the point, isn’t it?  So, here goes...

So here I am.. and on top of dealing with my typical feelings of sporadic and unannounced paralyzing panic that may rise at any moment during my routine errand, whilst in the midst of none other than The Zombie Apocalypse that is 2020, I am the victim of an unprovoked physical attack in on of my few “safe” public spaces.  Notice, I consider this a physical attack, because of slew of negative bio-mechanical implications it presented me with, after all the word Nigger cannot be compared to that of Bitch, or Asshole. No, when spat with the right amount of hatred, the word surge through your veins like a poison. 

Thus, I instinctively stopped dead in my tracks and felt the heat of pain and rage radiate through my body.  I shook my head, dropped my gaze, and took several steps forward before stopping.  Rather than metaphorically quietly quivering in the corner, I decided to act. 

I turned around, sought out an employee, mustered up all the poise I could find, and collectedly said something along the lines of: “Hi, I just walked into the store, and within moments upon entering, a gentleman wearing a white blazer called me a Nigger.  I would very much like for him to be escorted out of the store”.  It was important that I used the full word to convey the level of discomfort I felt in having it thrown at me.  Perhaps that did the trick because the woman responded with a look of genuine shock, without hesitation confirmed the direction the man was walking towards, and urgently called for security. I said my peace and entrusted my safety in the store to the woman’s follow-through.  

It wasn’t the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I tried my best to continue on my journey as if he “hadn’t gotten to me”, but he had, I rush through the store, in search of whatever had prompted me to enter.  I can’t for the life of me remember, I imagine because I moved through the store in what can only be likened to a fear-induced haze.  I walked through the isles wondering if the gentleman would return and found myself looking at every Black passer-by, wondering if they had, or would soon experience the same. 

I power walked through the store with a combination of sorrow, profound fear, inexplicable anger, and incredible gratitude.  It instantly pained my heart to hear that a complete stranger could have so much hate in their’s for me, it still does.   Although I don’t imagine the N-word is typically equated with fear for non-Black people, for someone like me, it can be terrifying.  Despite the ever-so-obvious gravitas of that word, I know it hardly represents the tip of the iceberg of the hatred that lies below the surface.  As such, I feared retaliation from the moment I reported the gentleman, throughout the store, to my stop at the gym where I went through my daily workout routine, to the moment I drove home, parked my car, and double-checked the locks to all the doors at my house.  

Though this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this sort of overt display of hatred in a public setting, it was without a doubt, the first time I have ever felt seen enough to report it.  The death of George Floyd exposed just how serious the issue of racial injustice in this country is, and made it unmistakably clear just how prevalent, not to mention perilous it is.  After 34 years of just taking it, and doing everything in my power to “not let it get to me” or knowing “it’s just the way it is”, I finally feel seen enough to say; look this just happened, and you have the power to make it so this isn’t just how it is. 

You see prior to May 25, 2020, we could all live with a degree of ignorance in the matter; you could deny my life was actually different because of my skin tone and I could feign my perception of equality, but that shield has been lifted.  We have awakened from our socio-normative unconsciousness... That was deep, I know, but rather or not we choose to stay woke is up to us. The US needs a reckoning, regardless of if recent demands for equality stemming from the death of Mr. Floyd, Ms. Taylor, and Mr. Arbery can transition this moment into a movement, I am here to remind you of its importance.  You see, I was Black before you ever heard of those names and will continue to be such even when they began to fade from your memory.  I am here to remind you just how vital that demand for equality is.  

The fact of the matter is that the woman who essentially “came to my rescue” by respecting the seriousness of the matter was in shock not only the verbal brutality spewed, but also in part I imagine from simply awakening the reality that such an incident actually happened.  This brings me to my anger... you see I am beyond grateful for the fact that I can finally stand up for myself and declare something like this has happened and be taken seriously, but I am equally as enraged that in order to be taken as such, the entire world had to witness a man be crushed to death.  It goes without saying that, the level of enlightenment that the entire non POC (people of color) world is having right now is just as appreciated as it is enraging. 

On a final note, I want to draw your attention to the fact that I referred to the man who accosted me, as a gentleman.  There is certainly two contributing factors to consider in this; one I was simply raised right- with manners and respect for everyone, and I knew this man couldn’t have been in his right mind, and two, I knew the importance of remaining composed in even the most daring of times, to counter the very real likelihood of simply being written off as an Angry Black Woman.  Think about that... even in an assault, I must maintain my composure, because society says an emotional Black woman is an Angry Black woman, society doesn’t question her countless motives for said anger; no, it merely writes her off.  

Well... let this first blog entry be a testament to my Eloquent Black Rage--sitting posed, with perfect posture, well read, well spoken, highly educated in fact... with well manicured fingernails and an accented middle finger nodding to a less than subtle, “fuck you”. 

In close, I hope in writing this I have helped to explain the depth of feelings that stem from such a verbal attack, the long term impact it has, and that I have drawn your attention to just how often injustice occurs even when they are not spoken of or otherwise exposed. 

This is my very first Blog-entry, it originally started out as a wordy Facebook post, but decided I needed a more appropriate venue for my voice.  I sincerely thank you for reading and hope you continue to peek into my mind from time to time.  Congratulations, you’ve earned 10 Friend Points and good karma!