#but i hate slimes in general

[wormsinsdirt]

please please click on it to look at the pixels

I guess I kinda cheated by using a checker pixel brush but uh yeah!

[cdroloisms]

hot take: las nevadas four does not queue up a c!q redemption arc. las nevadas five makes some interesting forays in the direction of comeuppance but fails to make the narrative link between that comeuppance and, ultimately, any change. the reason for this is because the prison arc is inadequately integrated into ln4 and ln5. (i'm writing an ln5 essay rn and this is my prompt for you to join me in hell)

i think people who think LN was heading towards a c!quackity redemption arc were tripping fr 😭 like it's not that i would oppose the idea of c!quackity like, even heading in a different direction. but he didn't? he literally didn't. his interactions with c!slime were never examples of c!quackity realizing the dark course he was taking and changing his ways--if anything, they were a reason to double down? he makes a literal slime army in LN5 like. a literal slime army.

i feel like it comes from this misconception that c!Quackity's whole deal revolves around how he ~cares~ for people, and when he felt betrayed and whatever by the fiances and such then his heart froze over and he went for ambition instead. and therefore learning to care for something can unfreeze his heart and make him good again, or something (<- oversimplified). but c!quackity's deal isn't that he closed his heart off to love? like c!quackity's issue is that he's terminally insecure and therefore kinda terminally self-centered--even in c!karlnapity, he was frequently portrayed as being insecure as hell about c!karlnap and preferred when the attention was on him. when c!karl was freaking the fuck out at him in LN4, his immediate reaction to c!karl like having literal memory loss was to scream at him.

all of this is way oversimplified for the record but it's like.

like, c!quackity and c!slime isn't about redemption as much as it is giving c!quackity an opportunity. and what we largely see, honestly, is c!quackity caring about c!slime...and also grooming him to be like, the successor of his country, seeing him as something malleable that he could use to create another version of himself. it's not that c!quackity was necessarily seeking to harm c!slime, but was he being manipulative? i mean, yeah???

and yeah, for sure, LN4 and especially LN5 heavily suffer from a lack of the prison being properly addressed. the prison and c!dream in specifics haunts c!quackity throughout the entirety of LN--any conclusion to this arc no matter what direction c!Quackity took needed a proper resolution to the prison imo ???

like i don't hate purpled's revenge quest, but bringing it back to purpled-quackity-slime Again in LN5 after the conclusion of LN4 made that all hit a lot less hard. i liked the c!punz scene tbh and i also liked c!dream's ditching las nevadas, but that also feels a lot less impactful when he had like, five lines and barely a confrontation (fuck the internet connection there FR). like, c!Quackity rejecting change isn't bad in itself, but it feels like later parts of las nevadas emphasize his decisions less in favor of what's done to him, and what's done to him doesn't feel enough like a consequence of his own actions. furthermore, so much about Las Nevadas and the Prison (the revive book in specifics) has everything to do with self-centered ambition moreso than revenge, and it feels like that in particular gets kinda poorly addressed? like, the deal with c!Purpled doesn't have to do with revenge, he's not really taking revenge on Purpled--he is, however, ambitious and doing everything that he thinks will make Las Nevadas Great, and the whole thing with him still continuing doggedly on LAS NEVADAS!! even after alluvthat is much more of a commentary on his relationship with power and ambition than on revenge.

this is kinda scattered (like the LN finale LMAO!) but yeah. las nevadas is literally created as a response to imprisoning c!dream, the beginning of this arc happens in parallel to the beginning of his visiting the prison, so having c!dream play as small as a role as he did in the latter two streams really ends up hurting the arc as a whole when so much emphasis had been on c!quackity and ... violence? both outside of the prison and inside it. having c!quackity come to terms with the fact that he does in fact suck fell kinda flat without properly addressing the ways that he actually does suck...? anyway yeah not the best essay kat dorry

[marsixm]

ive actually put myself in so many situations and seem to come out doing socially well, youd think at some point i could get it in my head im not irredeemably bad

[riskle-raskle]

What was the slime budget for generation loss? Like that is so much slime, especially in that chest??? Did they make the slime, or did they just mass buy it??

[alienpossession]

Shorties

Bunch of shorts that I just can't flesh out but I feel like they have potentials for longer. Maybe some of you can help me out to make it longer later?

#1

"And this....this is deltoid and biceps. Yeah......you see that the lower part....also getting a bit tense as I flex it? That's triceps, and vain men like me always tried to make it bigger. We are obsessed with having bigger, stronger bodies, just like all of you itching to get inside of me and feeling all the sensation I feel," said the tranced stud guiding his captors and demonstrating his body's capability

The swarm of black bugs surrounding him clicked with excitement as one of the bigger bugs climbed to his nape and injected him once more with its venom, causing the man to instantly freeze. Then, like a drone, the man said

"One of you will be the chosen one to pilot this human and observe the viability of our survival in their planet. All you have to do is to be the first to reach his brain, so in the count of three.....one....two.....three---"

#2

"Mmmmm.....see, you look delicious now when we add some muscle in your boney frame. Damn, I look like a proper twunk now, huh....twunk, that's a new word," murmured Alberto as he admired his growing physique as the alien inside of him enhanced his strength and metabolism for the past few weeks while also stretching Alberto's once-lithe physique. It's important for the alien inside Alberto to make the former biochemist look seductive because it needs other human male to breed Alberto in order to make Alberto the carrier of the next generation of the alien. It will be like a mini-pregnancy, but the results will be swarm of little termite-like creature that can then jump into another bodies, effectively kickstarting the colony of the alien in this outpost planet called Earth

#3

His wife already said during their last fight that he needs to reduce the frequency of playing video games as if he's still a child. Plus, everytime he played his "silly boy game", he always locked in to the point he's not aware of his surroundings. That's going to be deadly when an invasive slime landed on your backyard and then now inches away from getting inside of your body, but it's not like he's aware of the slime's presence

#4

"He hates your puppet,"

"The feeling is mutual,"

"So we have to keep that facade when more human entered the gym?"

"I guess. We can always do more in private,"

"I have a wife and 3 kids. There's no private moment for me except in here,"

"Just infect them,"

"Well, then we should just infect the gym, so we can do our mission more freely with more puppet in our disposal,"

"This is public space, silly. You can tuck your wife and kids to their bed if you are not using them but how can you pose as 50 different people when the closest backup is 3 months away? Let's take this slow and be wise, we can definitely carve some more free time for you,"

#5

"You will make a great addition to the team, stud," whispered Mike to his client's ear before spitting into his ear canal while keeping the stud tightly locked and unable to move as the alien makes its way to the blonde's brain

#6

"Hell yeah, this is definitely miles better than that skinny janitor body," shouted the recently taken over jock

#7

The pod practically served as a medium to transfer the alien consciousness to the human target, and its unassuming, tanning-bed-form clearly caught the human users off-guard. They expected to get a tan, a little sunburnt, yet the only thing burned is their brain as they turned into mindless puppet with the alien then reside inside the head and formed themselves to resemble human brain as a way to remain undetected.

With the bodybuilding competition season rolled around the corner, it really becomes a prime time for the aliens as they get themselves inside the ultimate jackpot, bunch of muscular, domineeering human clearly resided on the top of the societal hierarchy with their built physique and dominant personality

[gremlingottoosilly]

OK GUYS I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT IS SEXIER!!! CW: non-com/dub-con, breeding, oviposition monster!Konig who kept you, a little human, as his breeding pet because he needs someone to dump his eggs, and you happened to be a civilian, dumb enough to get out of your apartment just when the colonel was on his patrol. It's completely your fault, all humans have to wear collars and be tagged by their respective monsters, but you tried to resist the regime((( now you will be a wife, congratulations. BUT. I can't decide what is sexier - Konig is keeping you naked, at all times, mostly to show off your belly bulge, filled with his eggs, so no one else would ever dare to lay their eyes on you. Would be cooler if he keeps you on his lap at all times, maybe pushing a finger or two in your pussy to play with it and plug any slime and cum that escapes your sloppy cunt? You are so embarrassed, literally every other monster in the room can see that you belong to the colonel, and you're just too weak and horny, you really can't do anything about it(( OR Konig keeping you on the floor, maybe chained to his chair every time he has a meeting with officers. You're kept here like a dog, he sometimes pats your head or pushes his dick in your mouth, but generally, you just sit here, trying to cover your belly because all the other monsters are looking at you with hungry and lustful gazes, and you just have to cling to Konig because of this!! You hate being with him, hate belonging to a monster, you swore you would never get caught!! But now he is using you as his precious incubator, laughing when your chest is involuntarily swelling with milk(your body can't distinguish between his eggs and normal kids((( ) and you just feel so horny and so tired all of the time, you eventually beg for him to just leave you in his quarters, all fight gone of your system.

[dsmp-lainey]

guys how do we feel about my personal dsmp ending rewrites:

-c!wilbur doesn’t just get to fuck back off to where he came from after doing all that damage (also it never made sense to me because how tf is he the child of death and an angel and living in UTAH?) instead he actually goes and finally kills dream (and probably dies in the process) so tommy can finally start to heal

-c!techno after rescuing micheal starts trying to convince phil to let him talk to kristin to make a deal. philza initially outright refuses but is worn down over time as techno pleads. through possession of phils body kristin is able to meet with techno, and at this time techno proposes a deal. techno will trade his life for ranboo to come back. Kristin agrees to this with some reluctance (knowing that philza will be heartbroken) and brings Ranboo back to life while taking Technos soul. Ranboo comes back and him, tubbo and micheal live happily ever after. Luckily kristin is able to pull some strings and combined with the magic already tied to technos soul, she is able to elevate him into becoming one of the non corporal gods of the world (like her, XD and drista are)

-like i said c!Beeduo gets their happily ever after, they move back into the snowchester mansion with micheal, tubbo apologizes to aimsey and asks her to move in with their little family, tommy lives with them at times but will never fully abandon his little embassy that survived everything. they all begin to heal.

-with the dissolution of the syndicate niki decides to move back to nearby lmanburg, they never try to repair the crater as it serves as a needed reminder of what has occurred. niki is firmly in favor of anarchy at this point but decides that she must also work to build community outside of country’s and sides. her and puffy get back together and build a nice cottage, niki builds a new bakery. many other members of the smp, most notably eret, join and live in the peaceful community

-fundys story ends the same, he finally leaves and finds a place free of his fathers mistakes and influence. he feels like he truly belongs for the first time in his life.

-for quackitys ending, i don’t hate the canon ending as i think it would make sense for the toxic lessons he taught slime to ultimately be his undoing (also bc that speech is amazing) but i think him and schlatt should get to be happy/at least at peace in the afterlife

-c!phil continues to live in technos house for several generations, watching the people he knew grow old and stories be lost to time. eventually he will move on to a new journey but ofc techno and kristin will be watching over him. this is the life of an eternal angel

anywayssss there’s some of my ideas feel free to ask if you have questions or want to add on :)

[fyodior]

STOP.

✸ pairing: lovecraft x afab ada!reader

✸ cw: VERY DARK CONTENT AHEAD! MINORS DNI. tentacles, noncon, oviposition (eggs), choking, womb fucking.

✸ notes: breedtober fic 5! mentioned but this takes place during season 2 and the guild conflict, reader is in the ADA. easily the nastiest thing ive ever written! proceed with caution and/or have fun :)

✸ wc: 1.3k (im sick)

want more of breedtober?

DISCLAIMER: i do not condone noncon in any way, shape, or form. this is just fiction with no reflection of real life. there are tentacles. please refrain from leaving hate comments, and just unfollow/block. or simply scroll away. thank u!

You should’ve never, ever underestimated him. He might’ve seemed aloof, fatigued, and uninterested in anything but completing a day’s work, but it was all just a façade. How could you be so stupid? To write this eldritch monster, H. P. Lovecraft, off as harmless and unthreatening was the worst mistake you could’ve made. Following closely behind choosing to walk the streets of Yokohama alone at night as an ADA detective while the conflict with The Guild had yet to be resolved, and all the members of said organization were still at large.

“Please- please!” you cried out, tears in your eyes as you were being dragged into a dark alleyway by the man with the ability no one could fathom or understand. The one not even Dazai could nullify and put up a good fight against Chuuya’s corrupted state. “Let me go! Please!”

“Please stop talking,” Lovecraft deadpanned, sounding as bored and indifferent as he would if you had only asked him what time it was. His face was completely expressionless in the most terrifying way. “I just want this done.”

Despite his wishes, you still continued to thrash in his oddly strong arms – you never would’ve guessed based on his general appearance, another mistake – even as he pinned you down facedown against an abandoned dumpster and tugged your pants down. You couldn’t see it but you could hear it – the way his arm that wasn’t holding you down transformed from human skin and bone to… something else. Something green, wet, and slimy. A tentacle. One that was currently slithering down the back of your panties and poking at your hole.

"Why are you doing this?” you wailed, coiling away from the disgusting, horrifying feeling of the appendage attempting to touch your sex.

“It’s mating season,” is all he offers, as if it’s the most obvious explanation in the world. The one hand that he’d been using to hold you down had now morphed into four tentacles, each restricting you so tightly you started wondering if fighting was completely useless.

“Why me?” was your next question.

“I’d really prefer it if you eliminated any and all speech.”

As if to really drive his point home, potentially to even punish you, the tentacles wrapped even tighter around your limbs before the one most precariously located penetrated you hard. As thick as a soda can, the slimy tentacle made you scream at the top of your lungs. You could feel the way your poor, unprepared pussy was stretched so tight around the girth it felt like you were about to tear. Never mind the way it squirmed and wiggled further and further into your cunt, pulsing and writhing until it reached your cervix.

You screamed and cried and wailed desperately until Lovecraft got so sick of it, he formed another tentacle to curl around your throat and mouth, choking and gagging you.

The man, if he could even be called that, maintained his bored, uninterested appearance even as he restrained, choked, and fucked you with his ability. The tentacle wasted no time in further violating your cunt, picking up a painful rhythm as it thrust in and out of you, reaching all the way to your cervix each and every time. Your legs trembled and slime leaked steadily out of your hole onto the concrete ground – at least there was lubrication.

Despite your violent protests and pleading for it all to stop, it would be a lie to say it didn’t feel… good. That the way this monster fucked you didn’t stretch you so deliciously, that the tapered tip of the tentacle didn’t flick against your sweet spot continuously. That was the only reason Lovecraft loosened the grip on your mouth – to let you moan. And moan you did.

“Feel good?” he smirked, the curls of his lips the first sign of emotion he had shown all night.

“Please- ngh- please stop!” you cried out, words forcibly interrupted by a hearty moan as he angled the tentacle slightly differently, having somehow perfectly zeroed in on your sweet spot. “Fuck!”

It was made even worse when yet another tentacle slithered close, curling around your waist and underneath you. You were unsure of its purpose only for a moment, until it began tracing your slit and massaging your clit.

“Stop!” you whimpered, screwing your eyes shut and banging your fist against the rusted metal of the garbage bin. The echoes of the warping metal only slightly drowned out your moans of pleasure. Lovecraft’s smirk only grew – he didn’t need your consent, but a willing partner was always easier to breed.

“Just let it feel good,” he sighed, stretching the tentacle inside you even wider.

“N-never,” you groaned, though it really, really felt good. Now both slime and slick were dripping out of your hole, a nasty mixture that ran down your thighs and pooled in your pants that were still bunched around your knees.

You had gotten so lost in the terribly intoxicating feeling of getting fucked alongside it rubbing your clit that you had completely forgotten about the breeding comment he had made – but Lovecraft didn’t.

“You should be ready soon,” he hummed, eyeing the size of the appendage buried in your pussy and attempting to gauge its size in reference to the egg.

“R-ready? For w-” your question was answered before you were even able to finish asking it. The reason why he wanted to get you to feel good, to loosen up. For the eggs.

A bloodcurdling screech penetrated Lovecraft’s ears, loud and disturbing enough that he actually frowned, once the first egg passed through the appendage and reached your hole.

“What is that?”

He had maybe slightly underestimated the size of the egg, as your body seemed to be resisting it much more than he thought it would – it’d been a bit since he’d done this. He had to form multiple extra tentacles for this part of the process; one to shut you up once again so he could concentrate, two to spread your thighs as wide as possible to allow for easiest entry, and a few more to keep you more still. A moving target was much harder to hit.

The first egg still remained lodged in your pussy, struggling to push past the ring of muscle so it could exit the tentacle and insert itself into your womb. With stimulation coming from every which direction, you hadn’t even noticed the way the very tip of the tentacle had slithered past your cervix and directly inside your uterus.

“Fucking- take it,” Lovecraft groaned frustratedly, spreading your cheeks painfully wider to pry your pussy open, until finally the egg was able to pass through. If able to pass your lips, your screams likely would’ve shattered windows. The worst part was the egg forcing its way through your cervix and nestling happily inside your womb.

But the absolute worst part of it all? This felt good, too.

There was something so horrifically enticing, so disturbingly erotic about a mysterious eldritch being stuffing its eggs deep inside you, depending on you to carry and incubate them. And those were the thoughts that unfortunately filled your head as he fucked eggs into you one by one, your tummy distending with each addition.

It even filled your head as you lay half naked against the dumpster, back against a brick wall once Lovecraft had relieved himself of all his eggs and abandoned you in that alleyway.

You could hear Kunikida calling your name with fear and fervor in the distance, clearly having found out you were attacked, but all you could do was rub your abnormally round belly and giggle almost drunkenly as you replayed those moments over and over in your mind – how could you have gotten so lucky?

[yersang-dreams]

Okay, listen to me.... Yandere rimuru...

Yandere rimuru! There's not much yan content! rimuru, is it like what would it be like? Or rather how would he act?

O//^//O

Oh gosh, I love Yandere Rimuru, and I'll be honored to do it! I also agree since there are rarely any Yandere content of our slime!

Might I warn that there is some spoilers from the LN here.

AU: YANDERE RIMURU

Characters: Rimuru Tempest

OS / HCS / IMG: Head-Cannons

ROM / PLATN: Romantic

He would be obsessed of you and very possessive of you dearie, like what happened with the Falmuth war?

Mhm yeah, he will do anything and I mean ANYTHING to keep you safe.

He loves you, a lot A LOT, he likes to worship and compliment you anytime anywhere baby.

He isn't overly jealous when you are around women like Shuna, or Shion, or any female/woman in the nation.

But for the men let's just he's a bit cautious around them, he trusts his men like Benimaru, Souei, Diablo, Hakurou, Geld and more to be around you since they know Rimuru is obsessed with you.

He makes sure you are protected and loved by his nation, his people? They cherish and love you! They sure you are included in activities that aren't very dangerous for you to not get hurt, knowing their Lord hates you being hurt or anything in general.

When he isn't around for awhile, he orders his Black Numbers Diablo, Ultima, Carrera, and Testarossa to guard you to make sure no one dangerous can even touch a single hair strand of yours.

He's overly sweet and gentle with you, when he sees you he immediately melts like the slime he is.

He loves being close to you or touching you, cuddling in his human form or slime form? Yes sir! Sitting in his lap during a conference/meeting with his subordinates? Definitely!

He will give you anything he brings back from his travels, jewels, fabrics that he thinks you will like and will ask Shuna to make it for you, anything!

Overall, he's very caring and sweet but he's willing to do anything in his power to keep you safe and sound from any dangers or anyone who dares to take you away from him.

Even after his evolution as a True Dragon, now that he's much powerful than ever when he was a True Demon Lord back then. He will protect you with everything he has.

I completely forgot about this in my drafts for weeks, and I didn't notice since I got too busy with personal stuff so I'm really sorry for the late post!

[idakyrie]

(This is part of an AU and a LOT OF TEXT asdfg) WHAT IF.... That weird deformed shape of Fake Peppino (AKA Bruno) is actually that way because of a brain problem (known as TBI)? That would explain that peculiar way of behaving (Silly? Goofy? Childish? Doesn't think straight? Doesn't know what he's doing? Almost 0 common sense, that almost permanent expression on his face, that strange way of moving... He is doing his best to stay on his feet and not melt completely (even if it shows a bit), he can barely speak coherently, among many things (WE MUST PROTECT HIM).

I'd like to think that the brain is the only organ he has, because the rest is just... Mmh, slime? amalgam? xD, it could be a HUMAN brain that Pizzahead (his creator) got (I like to think he is actually someone insane in a bad way and too different when it comes to his lab, just pretending to smile, hints of psychopath), that brain belonged to another chef, here I clarify about getting 2 adns: Peppino and Bruno (this last I mean the one from the abandoned pizzeria and yes, he is dead, where the hell Pizzahead was going to get that brain from? Actually dead for trusting a humanoid pizza)

So Fake Peppino has 2 adns? Yeah, that makes sense... Although Peppino and him don't look quite the same (Although Pizzahead's goal was that, to be the perfect impersonator), except for the clothes BUT here comes my favorite part, his stable form. 

Actually, his brain problem can be treated, he would still have 2 forms: stable and unstable, this unstable form is the one we all know, it would be present whenever he feels threatened, in danger or any other negative emotion (although he can take any form whenever he wants and be a mix of both forms).

Some history: Bruno is the first "clone" to be created, it went well, everything was perfect and one more minion... UNTIL... Pizzahead has a complicated, abusive, stupid, manipulative and ignorant attitude, basically he never treated him well, it started with scolding and even abuse (And yup! it was Pizzahead himself who caused him great injury) Why? He is a demanding and perfectionist guy, the clone had to come out EQUAL to Peppino (the irony is that he hates him and only does it to fuck up his life, to be able to replace him with some of the SO MANY clones out there) at the time he thought it was a GOOD IDEA to mix both adns and come out the same as the original, I repeat that this guy is an idiot?

Something funny is that after that he made other prototypes of clones (Classified as second generation idk) but these... None came out well, they are aberrations and can be found in a frozen chamber, he doesn't want to relive that moment and kept trying until he finally succeeded, the famous Peppino clones that can be found everywhere in the lab, inferior versions, weaker and more animal behavior than the first "clone".

Here comes another problem, Pizzahead paid more attention and was nicer to those clones, making Bruno jealous and annoyed, he never received a good treatment from him (Still he was loyal) and he had to fix and clean up all the atrocities the clones did, that means ALL the time, he could not defend himself and lived in silence, developing a great hatred towards them, precisely his behavior changes drastically to the most aggressive, just hearing a "croak" makes him angry (MODO BERSEK GOES BRR)

Many years enduring physical and emotional pain until he ends up in what? In an abandoned pizza restaurant? Just him being abandoned being very bad in all aspects? Completely alone for years, the only contact he had with others were those clones that invaded his "new home" (explaining why there are so many peppino corpses in that pizzeria).

(that girl in the image is an oc of mine hshs)

Bruno still has that silly and innocent personality, sensitive but at the same time disturbing if something bothers him. Paternal sense, playful and a big fan of Peppino, sometimes he annoys him by imitating him HAHA. Does he keep that frog behavior? YES! It's not as obvious as the clones because he knows how to control it. 

At the beginning he doesn't like to be touched, after all the problems he went through he doesn't even know if there are good people in this world, so gaining Bruno's trust is a bit complicated but if you talk nice to him (as you would do with your pet XD) the interaction will be effective. 

Does he have traumas? Besides he doesn't want to see Pizzahead and the clones again, or there will be a massacre, it's the first time someone is nice to him, he's afraid of abandonment and losing the little progress he has made... AND NEVER EVER SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING RELATED TO ANY LABORATORY AGAIN, his life was hell there, anything related either scares or angers him.

If you have any questions, you can ask and also, sorry if there are errors in my English, it is not my native language, I hope you can understand ;w;

[genderqueeradrien]

miraculous universe tumblr dash would that be fucked up or what

12 notes

🐞 ladybug Follow

ANOTHER akuma......... -_- everyone stay away from the eiffel tower for like 20 minutes

🦋 hawkmoth Follow

dont care + having fun + playing

🐾 chatnoir Follow

oh come the fuck on man i have a math test

739 notes

💙 marinettedupaincheng Follow

oh nooo im being turned into a bunch of slime and goop so sad Well no one come looking for me im busy beig goop

🤺 adrienagreste Follow

I am also busy being goop

💙 marinettedupaincheng Follow

hi adrien ^____^ what if we were goop together well not like together like dating but like together like in the general vicinity of each other in a normal platonic way would that be awesome or what

5 notes

🐾 chatnoir Follow

@.ladybug will u date me :3

🐞 ladybug Follow

no -_-

🐞 ladybug Follow

someone suibaited me in my asks over this

12,793 notes

📸 alyatheladyblogger Follow

girl they have GOT to stop fighting on the eiffel tower all the time i cant record shit from down here < 3

9,713 notes

💋 chloebourgeois Follow

@.chloesbffsabrina just got turned into slime right next to me and now theres goop on my new sweater can everyone go send her anon hate xx

24 notes

📰 nadjachamack ☑☑ Follow

@.ladybug Another successful takedown! Do you have anything to say to the press?

🐞 ladybug Follow

im honored to get to help the people of paris! ofc i couldnt have done it without my kitty :D

🐾 chatnoir Follow

thank u mylady :3

🛹 alixkubdel Follow

you people are fucking disgusting get a room

7,492 notes

🦋 hawkmoth Follow

ah drat.... theyve done it again....... but soon my day will come..... and i will rise........ victorious...............

📸 alyatheladyblogger Follow

you are such a fucking loser 😭

🎮 ninolahiffe Follow

get his ass

69 notes

🐾 chatnoir Follow

*etching into the wall of my cell with a rock* days since last ladybug rejection: 1

17,439 notes

🕊 mrpigeon Follow

having a lovely day with my pigeons

🕊 mrpigeon Follow

oh no

[nontypicalnonhumanhermits]

Welcome!

Inspired by @nonhumanhermitheadcanons , but with a focus on rarer headcanons! Specifically, ones besides:

winged grian, but especially bird or watcher

bird jimmy or false

any evo member as a watcher/listener

vex/fae scar or cub

cat scar

moth pearl or mumbo

warden or vampire mumbo

moon-themed pearl, sun-themed grian, or star-themed scott (only in regards to species!)

blazeborn/demon/generally fire-themed tango

demon impulse

angel skizz

sheep zed

fox etho

eldritch keralis

fish xb

hypnotist, eye themed, or fae hypno

bull beef

butterfly stress or joel

fae stress or lizzie

cyborg iskall

werewolf ren

moss-themed bdubs

voidwalker xisuma

deer gem

and also, for fun, we're excluding canon ones too:

slime jevin

zombie cleo

dogboy ren

creeper doc

creeper python (former hermits are allowed too!)

tell me if you think i missed anything!

You can send in headcanons, riffs off our or someone else's headcanon, art, writing, etc!

No hate towards the barred headcanons, i just wanted to make a space for different ones :]

[mj-iza-writer]

I don’t really know if you like this type of whump but i gathered up the courage

Human caretaker who has a rough backstory with vampires (maybe their whole family got killed or they almost died to vampires in the past?) saving vampire whumpee from vampire hunter whumpers

Sorry this took so long to post back. I absolutely love vampire stories, and I love this idea so much. I hope you never feel nervous about asking me for a request, I absolutely love doing them. Thankyou so much, I hope you enjoy.

Caretaker sat by the fire, the only noises were their occasional sip from their tea, and the gentle crackle of the fire.

Caretaker had been reading a book their father had written before he died. It was titled **How to Kill Vampires**.

Caretaker read the book, feeling as though their father was telling the stories in person. Unfortunately, their father had gotten to cocky in a fight with a stronger than average vampire. They died from their injuries soon after.

Caretaker hated vampires. They only wished they had enough courage to hunt them. They could never follow in their families foot steps. Every member had met tragic ends.

The next morning Caretaker stepped outside to enjoy a leisure walk around their gardens.

The home they lived in had been in their family for generations. It still had remnants of the families' past. Caretaker had tried to make it more inviting now. They seemed to be ending the families' traditions.

Caretaker turned a corner and almost had a heart attack.

A body lay against one of the fountains. It was mostly in the shade of the statue, but the fingers was sticking out in the sun. Black smoke rose from the fingers.

"Vamp...vampire", Caretaker stepped back in fear and aww.

Tiny weak whimpers came from the body.

Caretaker inched cautiously to get a closer look. From a few feet, they could see a wooden spike laying in the limp hand of the vampire.

The vampire made a grimaced face and weakly pulled their body in from the sun. They didn't have long until the sun would fully envelope them.

Caretaker slowly turned and walked away, "the sun will take care of them soon and finish the job of whoever stabbed them. No need for me to get my hands dirty."

"Ple....", the vampire pleaded, "ple....", they gasped in pain.

"You dare beg me for mercy... you slime. Allow the sun to do the honor of killing you", Caretaker growled, "your kind killed plenty of my family. Why should I show you mercy?"

"I pro... protected yo.. your father Gerald", the vampire panted, "I'm Whum... Whumpee... the... they promised me a safe place if I-I ever needed it. He said I was th.. the only one he... he'd show mercy to", the vampire frowned, "I just ne..need to reco.."

"Whumpee?", Caretaker stepped back to get a closer look.

The vampire squinted their eyes open and nodded weakly.

That was a story Caretaker's father purposely left out of their books. They didn't want anyone to know they had been saved by a vampire, then showed them mercy.

"Is Ger..Gerald around?", Whumpee sighed as they felt the sun come close to their foot.

"He died a while ago", Caretaker knelt down, "how did you know about me?"

Whumpee groaned as they tried to pull their body in tighter.

"Oh right... give me a second", Caretaker got up and ran for a nearby shed.

They pulled out a tarp and hurried to the vampire.

"I allow you into my home", Caretaker stated loudly before running inside of the house and down to the dungeon.

"I'm sorry, but I still don't know if I trust you", Caretaker laid the vampire on the floor and reached for some shackles hanging on the wall.

"I don't care", Whumpee winced as they felt the cuff tighten around their wrist and click, "just as long as you let me lay like this, I don't care what you do to me."

Caretaker knelt down a few feet away, "how did you know about me and where this house was?"

"While Gerald was healing from his wounds, he told me stories and showed me a few pictures of his family. I brought him here when he had enough strength", Whumpee whimpered as they moved their hand.

It was the first time Caretaker had seen the wound.

"They got you good, huh?", Caretaker frowned.

"Ymph", Whumpee grunted, "that's what I get for taking blood so close to the road. It wasn't even worth it either. The blood was dead already."

Caretaker made a terrified face.

"Relax. It was from a dead animal that had just gotten run over", Whumpee whispered, "I don't take from humans unless I'm desperate. They consent most of the time for me to do it."

"May.... may I rest for a while", Whumpee whispered, "I'll answer more questions later if you want."

Caretaker nodded and got up to leave.

"Thankyou for giving me sanctuary. I will be out of your hair soon", Whumpee mumbled into the floor.

Caretaker nodded, then left.

"I don't have the heart to tell them they are staying. I may not be able to kill them, but I can keep them here. I can protect people in that way at least", Caretaker crept up the stairs, "in a way I will be protecting them too... right? Maybe I can honor my father by protecting them and others."

Just before Caretaker decided to go down to the dungeon to break the news to Whumpee that they were being kept as a prisoner a knock came to the door.

Caretaker hurried to answer it.

"Hello" a person in heavy equipment greeted, "I was hunting vampires last night and I seemed to have lost one. A witness said they were seen on your property."

"Yes I found them this morning. They have been taken care of", Caretaker smiled, "I'm from a family of hunters myself. Thankyou for what you are doing though."

"I need to check to ensure they are gone?", the person grinned with fire in their eyes.

"I let them fade into the sun, all that's left is the stake that was stabbed into them", Caretaker watched the judgemental look, "how many vampires do you know that can survive the sun?"

"Not many, but I know you aren't one for killing them. That's why I started to do it", they smirked, "so where are they then?"

"Fine, you caught me. In my families dungeon, where they will remain for good", Caretaker frowned, "you may not go check on them. Matter of factly, you can get off of this property."

"No need to be so testy. I'm only doing what you wouldn't. You're a shame to your father and your family", they frowned.

"I mean you're fresh meat... a newbie, you probably have markings all over your back. A vampire is just waiting to take your life force", Caretaker sighed, "I don't need you coming in here with targets on your back. You'd be allowing vampires in without them being invited into my home. I don't need that."

The hunter made a confused face.

"You really didn't research, did you?", Caretaker frowned, "not all vampires survive soly on blood. There are other ways they take your life force as well. Have you been blessed by a priest to protect against that."

"You're speaking nonsense", the hunter forced themself in and overpowered Caretaker, "lead me to the dungeon."

A dagger was poked into Caretaker's back.

"You don't know what you're doing", Caretaker started to walk.

"Shut up, you don't know what you talking about", the hunter warned.

"Right, the rightful descendent of a family of vampire hunters doesn't know what they're talking about", Caretaker frowned.

"I said shut up", Caretaker received a slap on the back of their head.

They followed Caretaker into the dungeon and down the steps.

Whumpee had sat up now. When they saw who was coming, they lifted their knees to their chest and frowned.

"You again?", Whumpee frowned, "not much in way of sanctuary if you deliver the killer to their prey", Whumpee looked at Caretaker.

"I tried. There's a dagger pointed in my back. What do you want from me?", Caretaker argued.

"You've left me quite defenseless even. Chained to the wall. What is a vampire to do?", Whumpee grinned, revealing their fangs.

Caretaker was thrown to the side, and they fell to the floor.

Whumpee looked at the hunter angrily, "you're weak. You can't call yourself a hunter if you haven't had the right training."

"And yet, I'm about to kill you", the hunter laughed, "they are about to keep you a prisoner here. I'm only saving you from permanent imprisonment."

Whumpee frowned at Caretaker.

"I was coming to tel...

"Oh shut up", Whumpee snapped their fingers at the hunter.

The hunter automatically froze in place.

"You did mark them?", Caretaker frowned, "so you take life force as much as you take blood?"

Whumpee nodded, "I need to feed from them, I can't heal my wounds completely without it."

"I can't let you", Caretaker frowned.

Whumpee stood up weakly and limped to the hunter, "you don't get a say in this. My mark is on them. I'm not taking it away. I have to save myself too."

Caretaker got up and stood in front of Whumpee to block them, "I won't allow it."

"Look, I gave up a lot of things after I protected and healed your father. That included drinking human blood unless I absolutely have to. Animal blood will not heal me", Whumpee limped forward, ignoring Caretaker. The chains jingled at their movements.

"Why would you do that?", Caretaker frowned, "vampires are monsters?"

"I use to think the same about hunters until I met Gerald. Not all hunters are bad and not all vampires are bad. At first they were as uncertain as I was, but they allowed me to do what needed to be done to heal them", Whumpee gulped down a knot, "I'm staring at the one who killed them. Am I not?", Whumpee looked past Caretaker at the hunter.

Caretaker turned to see the hunter nodding with tears running down their face.

"Your father allowed me to mark him as mine. They were my special human. They couldn't be killed by vampires, I do hold some respect for actual hunters. Your family was always respectful. There was no way your father was killed by one of us. A human did it."

Whumpee frowned, "the stake they used on me had your father's markings on them. I looked after I pulled it out."

Caretaker looked at Whumpee sadly, tears threatened to fall.

"I need you to allow me to avenge their death. Your father was dear to me, let me have this", Whumpee pleaded, "you don't have to watch. Your father always said you were sensitive to these things. He always said you would amount to so much because you were not wanting to follow in the family business. Let me avenge Gerald for you."

Caretaker turned to the hunter.

"Did you really kill my father?"

"Answer them", Whumpee knelt down weakly, "tell us what you did", they ordered.

"I surprised Gerald from behind while they were hiking in the forest. I attacked them and killed them. Then staged it to look like a vampire attack. I stole what was left of their equipment", the hunter still looked like they were in a trance, "after taking their things to my home, I led the police to the scene. The story was retold and retold until it became the truth. No one would ever know it was staged. I would fall in line as the next great hunter."

"Though you're an idiot who did it all wrong?", Whumpee frowned, "nod your head to agree."

The hunter had more tears as their body obeyed the vampire.

"That's why hunters get blessed by priest so they don't become mindless puppets", Caretaker stated.

"Give me a while to feed", Whumpee frowned, "they killed my friend. Gerald's blood screams for vengeance, and they almost killed his legacy."

Caretaker's legs felt like lead as they started to walk away from them.

"Come, kneel before me" Caretaker heard Whumpee order. They didn't dare turn and look.

Whumpee sank their teeth into the hunter's neck and snapped their fingers.

Caretaker heard the person scream then gargle cry as they climbed the stairs out of the dungeon.

They waited until late evening before going back down into the dungeon. They didn't want to see anything, and they dreaded the knowledge that the body was still down their.

They came closer to where Whumpee was.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever come back down here again", Whumpee smirked.

"Where is the body?", Caretaker frowned. There wasn't any sign of them.

"You hit the nail on the head when you asked if I took life forces. I don't leave anything behind when I feed", Whumpee frowned.

Their was silence between the both of them.

"So you want a vampire prisoner huh?", Whumpee snickered.

"Th-that was before I knew all of this", Caretaker frowned, "I'm sorry I've spent so long hating all of you because I didn't know. I almost let you die because of it. I'm sorry."

"It's alright", Whumpee grinned, "I can be a prisoner if you want. As long as a few rules are followed. I think you could use a vampire roaming the house, keeping you safe. You don't exactly carry the same presence your father carried. Plus, that idiot burnt my hideout down last night."

"Oh so you need a place to stay is what you're saying", Caretaker grinned.

"It will be perfect for the both of us", Whumpee grinned, "you can keep me in shackles if you want, I don't care. I'm old enough, I've had my fun. I guess I could use a change. I enjoy letting humans think these things can keep me controlled."

Caretaker frowned.

"I mean, oh no chains", Whumpee stated sarcastically, "I won't injure a descendent of Gerald though. I will protect you."

"As comforting as that sounds. I-I don't know about this. It kind of defeats the purpose of this building", Caretaker sighed.

"You defeated the purpose of this place a long time ago. You refused to hunt vampires. Now you have gardens growing where blood was once shed", Whumpee frowned.

Caretaker looked down shamefully.

"I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. My point is things can change, this place your family. You don't have to hold onto those traditions so tightly. Your father was proud of the person you were becoming", Whumpee looked around, "you could use some protection though."

Caretaker agreed, "can you tell me about those days when you healed him? I feel like he didn't tell us everything."

"They probably didn't. It would go against the hunter's code" Whumpee laughed.

Caretaker sat down, "and how were you able to mark them."

"As long as your father allowed me to, I could break through the seal the priest set. I am very old, I've learned to do a lot of things", Whumpee sat for a minute to think, "okay I'll tell you the story."

"It was cold that night", Whumpee started, "I had been following Gerald for a few miles. I knew who they were, and I kept my distance, but I was still curious. They had gotten attacked by a bear. Their camp was destroyed, and they were badly injured. Their blood was actually what got my attention."

"They were trying to get home or to safety. They collapsed and kept mumbling that they needed to get home. I showed myself after they collapsed."

Whumpee laughed, "they were startled when they saw me. 'Typical bloodsucker like vultures. I won't let you eat me'. I only rolled my eyes. I wanted to see the great hunter up close, I told Gerald. Leave it to a bear to do you in."

Caretaker listened curiously. It sounded just like their father. This was a different story though, not how their father told it.

"After a few minutes of watching them fail to kill me and cursing at me, I offered them a hand after they fell face first into the snow."

"They asked why I would help them. I told them I needed to have some fun. Plus they helped keep the vampire population low. I knew they planned on killing me at some point, but that was the fun of it. I got them to my hideout and into my bed. Cleaned and dressed the wounds, fed and hydrated. It took forever to get Gerald to rest though. They were so tired by the time they fell alseep."

Whumpee smiled, "I had that pain in the butt for a good month or more. I carried many messages between Gerald and your mother. That is the true reason why I knew where this house was. Finally, they had enough strength for me to get them down the mountain and here. They allowed me to leave my mark on them to keep them safe after that. I could check in occasionally, but I've been gone for a long time apparently."

"Yes its been a while", Caretaker nodded.

They sat in silence for a while again.

"I'll let you have this dungeon for your own space... if that's alright. The other rooms have windows", Caretaker sighed, "be careful if you go up there during the day. It's very sunny. You'll be safe down here. It's not like this is being used anymore."

"Thankyou", Whumpee grinned, "so I take it the Madame has passed as well. She tried to kill me the first time I came here as well. She was very kind after that. She would occasionally offer the neck of a prisoner to feed me", Whumpee chuckled.

"That sounds like my mom", Caretaker laughed, "she passed a little after my father."

Whumpee nodded, "I see."

In the night Caretaker found themself awake staring at the ceiling. Many thoughts on their mind.

They heard the floors creak outside of their room.

"Oh right, on top of everything I've allowed a vampire into my home", Caretaker sat up as they heard the creaking go down the hall, "where are they going?"

Caretaker quietly wandered down the hall until they heard Whumpee whispering.

They peaked around the corner to see Whumpee sitting on the floor looking at a painting of Gerald and the Madame.

Whumpee turned to see Caretaker.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I was just, uh, talking to my old friend."

"I do that occasionally. You didn't wake me, I have a lot of things going through my mind. My world feels like it was turned upside-down today", Caretaker came closer.

"I know the feeling", Whumpee nodded.

"So what's next?", Caretaker frowned.

"I don't know. That's for you to decide. I'm not limited by time anymore", Whumpee stood up, "I'll be here to protect you now. I promise Gerald that much."

"Thankyou", Caretaker watched Whumpee take another glance at the picture before they walked away.

"Dawn is approaching. You should get some rest', Whumpee spoke over their shoulder.

Caretaker nodded in agreement.

They went to bed after that. Mind still racing.

"What a turn of events. The descendent of vampire hunters is now being protected by a vampire", Caretaker smiled as they rolled over to fall asleep.

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@3-2-whump @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinx

@whumprince @kaz-of-crows

@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @sunglasses-in-the-bentley

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

[silly-gizmo]

About myself! 🐾

Previously: @solsticepony

Includes Info / BYI at the bottom Hi I'm Neli you can refer to me with she/fae pronouns! :D I am currently still trying to figure out a lot of things like my gender identity, sexual orientation, romantic orientation, preferred names, hobbies, etc. I'm potentially asexual I think? Stuff in this about me might get updated/changed sometimes so keep that in mind! Here is my art! | Here is my discord server | Here is my strawpage

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Here is some stuff about myself!

I have interests in plushies, video games, computers, retro video games and systems, lost media, retro hardware and collecting.

I have plushies, some retro games and systems (mostly Nintendo ones), a Nintendo Switch along with switch games both physical and digital I don't usually have switch online.

I usually play Minecraft both Bedrock and Java and sometimes ROBLOX but I don't support the corporation and I have a negative stance on it. I have played Regretevator, Be a wobbledog and Flavor Frenzy on there before.

You can find me on Discord, Scratch, Roblox and Steam you can ask for them but only if I have seen or interacted with you before! I have Minecraft and Ponytown so you can ask if you want to play with me if you want

I use Linux I currently use Debian 12 with KDE, I do have a laptop with Windows 11 to run Windows applications. They aren't the greatest hardware so they struggle sometimes running the games listed above.

I have played OneShot: World Machine Edition, a little bit of Rain World, Celeste, Slime Rancher: Plortable Edition, Wandersong, Terraria, Undertale, Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition and Half Life I have not completed any of these games and might not have gotten far in them yet! I have finished chapter 1 of Deltarune before though!

I have watched all the episodes of TADC (The Amazing Digital Circus on YouTube) and Murder Drones as of June 2024.

Info / BYI

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[sofoulandfairaday]

Actually very curious to hear your thoughts and head canons on Sirius + Walburga + Orion

Under the cut, because it's very long. But I'd love it if you read it all. I hope it succeeds in being eloquent, it's hard to put my thoughts into coherent writing for such a sensitive topic.

I don't think that the majority of this fandom actually understands the subtleties of abuse. Also, too many people weirdly like the idea of abused characters, and emphasize their torments, especially physical ones, as a way of... I don't know, evoking more sympathy for them? This happens all the time with Sirius Black.

@ sofoulandfairaday, was Sirius Black abused in your opinion?

Yes.

But not in the way people think.

I am fascinated with stories that explore generational trauma, the cycles of abuse that get repeated over and over. I think Sirius was abused in the way the Roy kids in Succession are abused, in the way that the people in The Crown are abused. It's not that the people in themselves are abusive it's that the family system is.

This doesn't excuse individual adult responsibility because, at a certain point, it becomes your duty not to pass on your traumas to your children. But traumatized adults raising traumatized children is something much more realistic, to me, than “The Blacks liked torturing their children for fun” (wtf?).

The Blacks were an upper-class family in the 1950s. To put this in perspective, my parents both got physically reprimanded as children (1970s), and my grandparents did too (1950s-1940s). It was just the way things were. It wouldn't have been seen as weird if they had been hit, at the time. Do you know when corporal punishment was abolished in UK schools? 1986. And people say Snape was abusive to his students. Bro, 1986. The world has changed a lot in the last 20/30 years but it's a little unfair, in my opinion, to judge their times entirely through our lenses.

And even in light of this... I don't think the Blacks were that physically violent. Maybe Orion clipped his sons behind the ear when they really misbehaved, or threatened physical punishment, but they most likely never truly hurt their kids. I also don't think they raised their hands like filthy Muggles, so maybe... Stinging Hexes? Going to bed without supper? They definitely did not use the fucking Cruciatus curse on their children. The torture curse. The one that scrambles people's brains if used for too long. Sometimes I think that authors don't put thought behind what they write, or exaggerate for the shock value, which... doesn't really sit right with me, to say the least. I don't really care for character bashing of any character. I don't care for painting Walburga & Orion as Disney villains who hurt their children because... they? like? hurting children?

With this being said, I'm pretty sure they were emotionally abusive, maybe psychologically abusive. Tons of families are like that, even nowadays.

Master always liked his little joke,” said Kreacher, bowing again, and continuing in an undertone, “Master was a nasty ungrateful swine who broke his mother’s heart — ” “My mother didn’t have a heart, Kreacher,” Sirius snapped. “She kept herself alive out of pure spite.” Kreacher bowed again and said, “Whatever Master says,” then muttered furiously, “Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother’s boots, oh my poor Mistress, what would she say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was — ”

According to Kreacher, Sirius broke his mother's heart when he left. That might have been a dramatic choice of words (Sirius definitely thinks it is because he replies in kind) but perhaps it wasn't.

The problem with the Blacks' love for their children isn't that it wasn't there, it's that it seems very conditional. I fully believe that for a time, when he was a kid, Sirius was a little prince, a perfect pureblood heir. Given his temperament, he might have been the bad child, always in detention compared to Regulus, who was probably quieter, more shy, more poised. Except. Despite all of this or maybe because of all of this, he was probably the more respected out of the two: more handsome, more charismatic, more outspoken, stronger, quicker. Someone like Bellatrix (and Walburga too, I think) must have respected him much more than his brother, even though they probably said the opposite out loud. Sure, they liked Regulus more, but everyone knew he wasn't the brightest out of the two stars. I think the Blacks respected and praised strength.

Want proof of this? Sirius himself calls Regulus soft and an idiot. How many times do you think he heard that sentence as a child?

For these reasons, it's always been my headcanon that the two brothers grew up resenting each other subtly: Sirius probably envied that his brother was their mama's favourite, the one who was shown more affection, despite being not as bright as him, not as good. But children are petty and have very strong senses of pride. In stressful environments they latch onto the identities they create for themselves: if Sirius painted himself, in the family dynamics, as the strong one, the one who doesn't care, the one who rejects even his parents' rare moments of affection, he will most likely never be the one to go to them to beg for their love, or kisses or whatever. On the other hand, Regulus was probably babied by their parents, but never truly treated like the heir, like the competent, brilliant one. His mother might have been more tender with him and yelled at him less, but children are perceptive.

Also, Grimmauld Place has all the characteristics of the Haunted Hause trope, horror film style (which I cannot get into here lest this becomes a dissertation), but generational trauma likely permeates those walls. Merely being back in the house is enough to trigger Sirius' depression.

Sirius is my pride, but Regulus is my joy sort of dynamic for the Blacks and their parents, me thinks.

They love each other but are also constantly pitted against each other. They fight for their parents' love. They think the other had it easier.

Then, Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor. Now, he's already fighting back against his parents now (he's almost 12, the perfect age), but it's always been a little headcanon of mine that Sirius doesn't know how much this will damage him until it happens. We see, again and again and again, in-universe, how much stress the Sorting put kids through - what if I'm not in this house my parents were sorted into? From the way he appears in Snape's memories on the Hogwarts Express, I think Sirius must have thought it hilarious if he was sorted into Gryffindor, the first Black ever to be one. Truly a most rebellious act. This lasted about... seven seconds?

The next day, Walburga sends a Howler and she's the most displeased Sirius has ever heard her, this is not a joke, Sirius, how dare you? You are such a disappointment etc.

Disappointment. The family disappointment.

This becomes Sirius' new persona. The more he leans into it, the more his mother doubles down. Headcanon n°2: they have the same personality, Walburga and Sirius; Regulus takes after Orion.

Golden-child/scapegoat dynamic ensues, worse than ever. This is the abuse I was referring to: no matter how brilliant, how high his grades, how good Sirius is, it'll never be enough. He's the foil to Regulus - less good in school, less brilliant, less popular, less... So. He fraternizes with Mudbloods and werewolves and dissenters of our Lord and Saviour Voldemort, which is a disgrace. He comes back from his first year saying Muggleborn instead of Mudblood, puts up semi-naked Muggle girl posters in his room with a permanent sticking charm - every time Walburga is in there her stomach flips in disgust. He buys himself a Muggle motorbike.

He can never bring himself to tell his parents that he wants their love and approval and they think he wants everything but. Not just that, they think he's actively trying to drive them to an early grave with all of that rebelling.

This, by the way, puts an enormous amount of stress on Regulus. Now he has to step up, wants to step up, to prove himself as finally better, but also he doesn't want to lose his older brother, but also he can never live up to the comparison, but also why do his parents love him now that Sirius is gone, why couldn't they love him better, sooner? This breeds resentment. Desperate to prove himself, he joins the Death Eaters (whose ideas he fully embraced anyway, let's not forget that Reggie was a racist little arse).

Why did Sirius run away?

This fandom makes the MISTAKE of thinking that Sirius ran away because his parents were evil and mean. No. Nu-uh. That's not what happened.

“But… why did you…?” “Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran his fingers through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal… my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them… that’s him.” Sirius jabbed a finger at the very bottom of the tree, at the name Regulus Black. A date of death (some fifteen years previously) followed the date of birth. “He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”

Sirius hated his parents and his brother, but he doesn't offer any indication that they were physically violent towards him - sure, they sound like dicks and they definitely created a situation of emotional abuse (why can't you be more like your brother?), which is still very scarring for a child/teenager, but no indication that they ever brutalized him.

I'm not saying this to argue that emotional or psychological abuse (lying, gaslighting, justifying treating your children horribly with oh, but I'm doing it for your own good, etc.) is less damaging than physical abuse. But I think that half the fandom just writes in a few rounds of Cruciatus to get out of writing the hard stuff - the complexities, subtleties, two-way pain of dysfunctional households.

When Sirius ran away from home, Orion and Walburga blasted him off the family tree. That means that he couldn't come back even if he tried to. He had no family any longer. Running away from home is something that a teenager in Sirius' situation and with his personality might conceivably do - and I'm sure it did hurt his family. But his betrayal was followed by their own betrayal.

Also, I want to contrast this with BELLATRIX and the way she speaks of Andromeda (because we all know that she's actually referring to Andromeda in that first quote):

“Cissy, your own sister? You wouldn’t — ” (HBP) “She is no niece of ours, my Lord,” she cried over the outpouring of mirth. “We — Narcissa and I — have never set eyes on our sister since she married the Mudblood. This brat has nothing to do with either of us, nor any beast she marries.” (DH)

and Walburga:

“- comes back from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, oh, my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw the house now, scum living in it, her treasures thrown out, she swore he was no son of hers and he’s back, they say he’s a murderer too -”

Bella, even after 25 years, still calls Andromeda her sister. Sure, Ted and Dora can rot - nay, she wants to actively kill them -, but Andy is her sister. Walburga declares that Sirius is no son of hers. She cut ties with him just as much as he cut ties with them. He lived with the Potters until Alphard died and miraculously left him gold; he didn't have a Galleon to his name otherwise. This is incredibly hurtful for a child. He was sixteen.

So. Anyways. This is getting rambly, but I hope I got my point across.

As for pure headcanons, that have no actual basis in the text:

All the Blacks are hot, but Orion & Burgie were not the hottest of them. That title goes to Alphard & Lucretia and then Sirius & Bellatrix in the next generation.

Orion is like Regulus in nature, and Walburga is like Sirius. Ice and Fire. On the other hand, physically, Sirius looks like his dad and Reggie looks like his mum. (Which is not to say much because they are second cousins, and the Black genes are strong lol)

(By the way, they are second cousins guys, not first cousins, not brother and sister!)

Orion wears exclusively shades of black and grey.

He's a quiet man, likes to read, despises noise.

A heavy drinker since he was young, it became a coping mechanism after Sirius' turbulent teenage years, almost drank himself to death when Regulus died. That's not what got him in the end, but it could have very well been.

Walburga always had a temper on her, could scream like a banshee, but she wasn't insane until one son abandoned her for the lowliest of scum and she lost her youngest boy and her husband in the span of six? three? months.

Austere. I can imagine her with her hair pinned up, high necklines... always very proper, with a severe type of beauty. I really like that aesthetic for her.

Crack: Definitely involved in the infamous Love Triangle of '43 when Tom Riddle tried to ask her out (to get access to the Black Family library's Dark Arts books) and she rejected him (not my headcanon btw, I remember reading it on here but I can't remember who came up with it rn - if anyone knows, I'll give credit!). Guess who was smitten with him? Alphard. Chaos of the kind you're thinking ensues.

Theirs was a semi-arranged marriage (there were wink-wink, nudge-nudges from other members of the family and the two of them decided it would be advantageous). I don't think they loved each other but they had a good partnership, gave the House of Black two heirs. (lol, see how that turned out)

Walburga had pregnancy issues, which I headcanon for every single woman of the House of Black, except the only one who was-maybe-sorta-kinda relying on them: Andromeda.

That's all, folks!

(I think.)

[olderthannetfic]

I think the discussion about if loli guys are into actual children misses the point tbh. Even when they’re well aware that it’s not actual children and they don’t WANT it to be and they’re specifically into the non-realism of it…. A lot of loli (and moe, which is not unrelated since it’s rooted in the aesthetics of it but applied outside the specific genre) in anime is still about this fantasy of women as helpless and innocent and needing to rely on you and, above all, not having real world problems. Granted, a lot of romantic fantasy is like that, arguably especially stuff about women aimed at men…. But I think that is what personally makes me not really want to deal with guys who are super into it that in my own personal life. Like, let’s not pretend that a certain kind of guy getting used to expecting women to be like that in anime and video games hasn’t had some real consequences for women in nerd culture who insist on being full human beings over like, the past decade and a half lol. Like it’s just hard to imagine that being the fantasy of a guy who specifically wants a take-charge, dominant, independent kind of woman over like…. Idk, lady villains stepping on his face or something, lol

I’m hardcore anti-censorship and don’t believe that preferences in romantic or sexual fantasy in fiction has an exact relationship to what we want in real life…. But it seems strange and anti-intellectual to argue that media *never* has that influence. Like, just divorce this from arguments about porn and “problematic shipping” for a second. There are a ton of people, of multiple genders but especially over age 20 or so they’re more likely to be men, who seem to think that if they’re friendly enough to someone of their preferred gender (or really, opposite gender, since this is based on an “everyone of my preferred gender is a potential partner” norm that people into the same gender just can’t assume) they’ll eventually reciprocate their feelings, or they *should*. The Nice Guy thing. Do you really think that the numerous romantic comedies that have that as a dynamic, or the video games whose “romance” mechanic is “give them gifts and talk to them enough and they’ll eventually be a love interest possibility,” doesn’t play into that at least somewhat? Like, we’re all smart enough to know that Stardew Valley and Harvest Moon aren’t like real life romance, I think…. But did you know that yet when you were 13? Do you think *everybody* who plays those knows that?

Take it out of the context of romance at all. If you’re a lawyer, how many times have you heard people who have misconceptions about what you do based on legal dramas? Or for doctors, about medical dramas?

And that doesn’t put any responsibility on the creators to change stuff (I mean, the “reward = romance” thing is just a very easy video game mechanic for instance, and programming in something that more closely resembles actual romance would be impossible, and it’s not like it’s any less realistic than like, how you fish or mine or farm in those games), it’s still on consumers to think critically (again, that the video game that has you fighting slime monsters in mines or where you grow broccoli in just a few days and harvesting crops is just one click isn’t going for realism perhaps. People wring their hands about the general popularity of farming games like it’s yearning for some political/cultural thing, and forget that the specific fantasy is it without all the toil. Just like plenty of people love playing restaurant games who work(ed) in restaurants irl and hate(d) it). But like, we talk about “society” influencing people in terms of stuff like racism and sexism. Mass media is part of society. This is why a lot of feminist criticism over the years has focused on critiquing broad patterns that recur in media, to the point that they become societal trends — and a lot of people take this in *unconsciously*.

I think what that one earlier anon meant with “especially with porn” is that porn shouldn’t be like, an exception to this. It’s kind of weird how people who are all for media analysis of problematic patterns in other kinds of media think it suddenly doesn’t apply if it’s media designed for the purpose of getting off. And sure plenty of us are into things in porn we have no desire for IRL (I love mpreg and I love kidfic, I have less than zero desire to have kids and especially be pregnant irl, to the point that it’s actually a squick for me in *het* fic), plenty of people are into specifically the fantasy version minus the Issues they have with that stuff in the IRL version. But… that’s not everyone. Some people’s porn preferences do match up with what they’re into irl. Even when they don’t, as with the loli example there’s often some other particular reason they like that

I don’t think it’s right to go around asking strangers to go around explaining their porn preferences to you, but I think it’s fair to think about it yourself (in the interest of introspection if nothing else), and to critique broad patterns in fandom, same as we would for any other kind of media. Why is porn the special exception for which all the other rules about 101 media analysis don’t apply?

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