#but i hate sleeping even more now bc i know it's gonna suck when i wake up (''':

[byanyan]

hougghhh slept terribly bc of jaw pain & woke up in agony but i think i'm free now until i sleep again tonight... takin some time to wake up and then i'm gonna do my best the get these asks done & sent out!!!

[damagedintellect]

Alpha Fyodor x Omega Fem!Reader

💌 The Poetic Nature of the DOA Novelist: Chapter 1?  💌  

Summary:  You were hired as the DOA's novelist, usually Nikolai is your heat partner but sometimes Fyodor takes advantage of the fact that you are an omega

Notes:  I'm drunk and on my period there's not enough omegaverse for me to consume so fuck I gotta wrtie me own ughhhh why caan;t my fingers hit the right letters.m I'll fix it when I'm sober. Sober me here fuck it I'm gonna keep it, I just can't be bothered

Fem!Omega reader bc it's self indulgent 🍋

💌 Word count: 2,540 💌  You are here | Chapter 2??? idk durnk me wants a part 2 but w/Nikolai 🍋

Your mind has been foggy all day and only seems to be getting worse by the hour. You’ve been staring blankly at the pen in your hands, unable to focus on finishing your current sentence. Last night you thought it was a fever but looking at the calendar you groaned. That's when the realization hits you, your heat came early and that's why you feel so out of it. You step into the hallway knocking on Nikolai's door. No response, there's a good chance the alpha was out. You pressed your head against the door.

This wasn't good.

You tried jiggling the knob but it was locked and there was no key, only Nikolai could open the door. You've tried to pick the lock before it doesn't work. That's what you hated the most. All you wanted was to make your nest but Nikolai hates when others go snooping through his things. Which was fair even though Fyodor and Sigma both respect each other's personal boundaries but Nikolai is Nikolai you supposed. Thinking about it, the alpha in question was the only one who has ever sifted through everyone's personal belongings. Besides the point without his body or even his scent you were starting to suffer. The curse of being an unmated omega.

You sniff the air trying to see if anyone else was around who would know when he'd be back. To your dismay it seems only Fyodor is here at the base. Go figure. Outside of recruitment you've never seen Fukichi or Bram around and now that Sigma has his casino to run, this has been the case more often than not. You hobble over to his door which was already open. He must not be busy at the moment otherwise he wouldn't let the others openly pester him. You knocked at the entrance before letting yourself in as he was typing away at his computer.

"I assume you're not that busy right now?" You glanced at his twelve monitors, unable to comprehend the mess displayed across the screens.

"Correct." He glanced over his shoulder "I assume your heat came early?"

"Correct. Can I sit in your lap until Nikolai gets back? I would ask for your blanket or pillow or something but I already know it wouldn't smell like alpha." He doesn't sleep in them most nights so why would they. Sure you could have asked for his ushanka but he wasn't wearing it strangely enough. You liked when he didn’t have his hat. His hair was beautiful. You want to run your fingers through it, maybe even braid it like Nikolai’s.

The alpha smirked, motioning you to take your seat. He must have planned this. There's a good chance he just sent Nikolai off to make you desperate. Normally Nikolai's schedule works around your heats perfectly and Fyodor's in charge of planning the timeline of events. What an asshole. It's a shame he's the only one who can help you right now. Honestly you want to be mad but your inner omega has a thing for this bastard.

You situated yourself so that you were facing Fyodor. He even went as far to lower his chair to help you get into his lap. Once comfortable you nuzzled into his neck breathing him in. Just the scent of the alpha alone was already making the dull ache dissipate. You were safe and protected and even though you know you were never in any danger your body needed the confirmation. Secondary genders suck.

When you were recruited as the novelist for the DOA Fyodor was quick to make it known he had no interest in helping with your heats but after Nikolai volunteered to be your heat partner you noticed Fyodor's almost taken aback expression. Then Fyodor's rut hit when you were the only one around. Which at the time was odd but thinking back surely he planned that too. He cornered you, had his way with you and you would hate to admit it but you liked it. You liked it a lot and that's a horrible thing to admit. You would have never expected to have a thing for the russian. It’s not like you were even an acquaintance, nor was he someone you despised. You were just here for the job and by technicalities he was your employer. 

Fyodor was always cold and distant until he needed something, which from you was very rare. You could even say he seemed kind of bored and aloof until you got him talking about his master plans but even then he kept the details to a minimum. However after being forced to spend his rut with him your view of Fyodor started shifting. There was something about how assertive he was yet uncharacteristically affectionate towards you that left you in awe. It was like you were pulling back the curtain ever so slightly to see that there really was a human behind the facade. That and his scent drove you crazy as is and it's extremely subtle, so subtle that you can't even smell it half the time. 

The moment he was consciously himself again, he smiled wickedly or rather you think deranged would be a better word. He kicked you to the curb without any acknowledgment of what possessed him to have such poor planning. This has repeated for a few cycles at this point and things didn't add up. You were used to his hot cold demeanor by now but you still don't understand why he makes a big deal out of it. Actually scratch that you knew it's because it bothered him that his secondary gender takes control of his actions. He doesn't take any blockers or suppressants, apparently for religious reasons, but still. He holds great disdain for the fact that no matter how he feels about you deep down there will always be that innate instinct to take care of you simply because you're an unmated omega.

At the end of the day you don't care who fucks your brains out but Fyodor likes playing with his food. Which is why you wish Nikolai would come back already. Your hole ached to be filled. Nikolai teases you but he always makes sure you are taken care of. He was the best alpha of the DOA in your opinion. The two of you had such instant chemistry and you talk about it often enough. Honestly you don't know why he doesn't just claim you now but that's Nikolai for you. He likes his freedom and you can admire that. A man who sticks to his philosophy. Fyodor confuses you because he says one thing but will do another. Like right now, providing his scent to comfort you.

You slowly rocked your hips into Fyodor whimpering pathetically. You could  practically hear the grin as he hummed. You took another deep breath of the alpha's scent. You would kill for him to scent you right now. You'd kill for anyone to scent you right now. Your movement grinds to a halt when his fingers dig into your side. 

"Enough of that, continue and lose your scent privilege."

Had you been in your right mind you would have laughed. You didn't know you had scent privileges. That would sound a lot like helping with your heat. Part of you hopes you'll remember this when your heat is over so you could throw it in his face. Instead you begged and moaned under his touch.

"P-please, just let me warm you until Nikolai gets back. Being filled is enough. I can't think straight. Everything hurts."

The sentence was shaky at best but you felt him twitch between your legs. He was already mostly hard from your lazy attempt at relief. You didn't even expect him to answer your half drunken rambling when he sighed.

"Fine, if you wish to fuck yourself silly than be my guest but I offer no further assistance."

His tone was as uninterested as usual but it sent shivers down your spine as you fumble with his pants to set his cock free. His expression was neutral but there was a sharpness to his features that was undeniable. For the first time since entering the room his eyes were glued on you as you hastily situated your own clothes and aligned yourself, sinking down on his inches. You were twitching and holding back moans as you bottomed out. Instant relief and pleasure flooded your senses. The sensation of feeling full was so divine. You stayed there panting into Fyodor's neck refusing to move. You prayed that this would be enough. The last thing you want to do is beg him for help.

You gasped, biting the back of your hand as you felt him twitch inside you. You clenched around him involuntarily feeling a wave of pleasure wrack through your body. You were drooling at the fullness while gripping his shoulders tightly. He technically gave you permission to move but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Although your head was screaming at you otherwise. His scent was growing stronger, it had you reeling almost like he was urging you to help yourself. To be a good little omega. 

To be, his, good little omega. 

With that in mind you slowly rolled your hips choking on a moan as your body twitched around him again. The angle he was able to hit like this was driving you mad. Why have you never done this before? You would have to make a note of this for later. You’ve fooled around with Nikolai quite a bit so why have you never fucked on a chair? With how sensitive you were in heat you could cum just like this. It took all of your strength to lift yourself up enough to sink back down completely. He was just long enough to brush past the right spot to make your legs feel like jelly.

True to his word he did not help you although his hand found itself around your waist. Probably to make sure you didn't fall out of the chair. Your body was spasming in pleasure to the point where your thighs were shaking an awful lot and you have yet to cum. The sheer idea of being bred was enough to satisfy that urge. It felt so good you might even pass out. The more you inhaled his scent the further your mind slipped into heat. You were too busy chasing that high you hadn’t noticed the low grunts and panting in your ear. If you took the time to observe Fyodor you would have seen just how disheveled his demeanor had become.

 A thin layer of sweat plastered his bangs to his forehead. He stopped typing ages ago but he still managed to maneuver the mouse around, doing who knows what. His breathing had become ragged when you started moving and the grip on your waist had tightened. You hoped it would leave marks for Nikolai to see. His eyes jumped back and forth from his monitor to you. At this rate neither of you would last much longer.

“F-Fyodor, nnghh, I'm-”

He pressed his lips to your ear murmuring “Cum for me darling” in that deep rich tone of his before he kissed your temple. You slump against him gripping his shoulders tightly as you reach your climax. You were such a panting mess you didn't notice Nikolai had been standing in the doorway the whole time.

The jester took that as his cue to enter the scene bouncing over to you both. “I'm back, did I miss anything?” Nikolai surveys the room cheerful as ever, wiggling his eyebrows while Fyodor's expression goes flat. 

He leaned into Fyodor’s personal space with excitement “Oh good you finally confessed! It's about time you figured it out. Honestly it was so uncharacteristic for you of all people to be the last one to know.” He clapped his hands as Fyodor frowned.

“I do not understand what you are referring to, neither (Y/N) nor I made any confession. I was simply minding my business when her preheat kicked in.” There was something about the way that Fyodor said it that sounded dismissive like he was trying to convince himself that it was true.

Nikolai rolled his eyes “Well then if you haven't realized it that's fine. I'll be taking her now if it's all the same to you.” his smile turned into a sneer.

“By all means her heat is your responsibility after all.”

Nikolai helped delicately peel you out of Fyodor's lap holding you in his arms like a princess. You were extremely sensitive to touch and both Alpha's couldn't hide the soft satisfied expression as they watched you enter Nikolai's cape. 

“Careful Dos-kun, get too attached and I might have to claim her for myself~” the jester teased even though Fyodor knew if it came down to it Nikolai wouldn't mind sharing at all. 

It was the reason he knew he could get away with using you during his rut cycles. Although the first time was purely a miscalculation on his part, but he digressed. The rest was about convenience. Fyodor had or ever wanted to have rut partners in the past, which was unfortunate because having one makes things so much easier to manage. Besides the point he was getting sidetracked in his head.

“As if the thought doesn't excite you.” Fyodor quipped back as his attention was drawn to his monitor. Dazai had managed to put him in check twice since you was being very distracting.

Nikolai laughed ruffling the other’s hair. “Guilty as charged but still,” he trailed off turning towards the door “It's not fair to play games with someone who doesn't know they're playing a game.” Nikolai waved his coat as he vanished to his room leaving Fyodor to scowl at the vacant space.

You were happily making your nest on Nikolai's bed. The room smelled very strongly of the alpha, it helped keep your mind clear especially after you came on Fyodor's cock. In your brain the faster you set up your nest the quicker you could be knotted. Slick was still running down your thigh when Nikolai joined you leaning over your shoulder. “I like what you've done with the place.” He snickered, placing a kiss on your scent gland “Can't wait to ruin it!” He chirped.

You moaned as he pressed himself against your backside. His hands were set on removing the rest of your clothes “By the way did you know Fyodor was playing chess with Dazai that entire time?”

Your eyes widened at the sudden insight. “That's what he was doing! I'm surprised he even let me in then, he hates losing to Dazai.”

Nikolai's hands danced across your exposed skin, kissing everywhere he could while undressing himself. “That's how important you are to him.” 

You scoffed “Yeah as if.”

You can’t say he didn’t try, Nikolai has known for a while now that you and Fyodor are fated mates. He's astonished that neither of you could smell it on each other. It wasn’t his job to interfere though he hoped that you'd realize it sooner, But that's not his problem!

[saturnniidae]

you say you have disabled hiccup headcanons? :3 *ears get really reall big. how are they doing that. why*

id love to hear them :D

Yes! Okay you've opened the floodgates my friend, I've been waiting to talk about this for so long.

He's autistic and has adhd! Obviously.

stims by tapping his fingers against things, waving his hands around, quickly taking apart and putting back together trinkets he's made, mimicking dragon noises (tho over time he's realized their vague meaning and stopped doing it randomly bc it was confusing them), running his hands over toothless' head to feel the texture of his scales and (when he was younger) petting his fur vest

His 'obsession' with things (trying to one up viggo, and when he was working on his sword) is literally just him Hyperfocusing on things

Easily loses track of time when he's locked in (Hyperfocused) working on inventions

Has that random 'I need to info dump NOW' thing and wakes Astrid up in the middle of the night like to randomly talk about abnormal behavioral patterns in a new terror flock on berk and Astrids just like 'babe I love you but it's three am'

Dyspraxic. When he was a kid he spent so much time practicing coordination for things like learning to write then later working in the smithy, and almost gave up more than once before continuing out of spite.

immunocompromised. Like seriously Hiccup has a weak ass immune system and would get sick every winter as a little kid, to the point of it being fatal. The villagers would always talk in hushed tones (bc of stoick caught them they'd get yelled at) and wonder if that years gonna be the one where he doesn't make it but he always ended up pulling through (also out of spite)

After meeting Toothless he developed tinnitus. Didn't think much of the ringing in his ears at first bc. Yknow, dragon roared at full volume directly into his ear. Then it didn't go away and he was like 'huh maybe this is an issue' then it just got worse as he continued to be in close proximity to loud noises like, even more roaring, and explosions etc.

Despite this he's got that weird "I enjoy loud noises like dragons roaring and the sound the wind makes when you're flying at like 40 mph, but if I hear the noise of lots of overlapping voices all having different conversations in a large room I need to die."

Chronic pain. The obvious, phantom pains in his leg of course, but fun fact! The human body really doesn't like it when you've broken bones repeatedly especially in the same area, and with how much this kid gets thrown around in rtte it's safe to say he's broken, fractured, and dislocated a lot of things.

When he comes home/gets back to the edge after a long day of traumatic or ridiculous events, first thing he does is take Toothless' saddle and prosthetic tail fin off, then he tries to crash in his bed, but either Toothless doesn't let him sleep until he's taken his prosthesis off (I hate that he sleeps with it on in canon looking at it makes my body hurt imaging how uncomfortable that'd be), or Astrid comes in to make sure he does (and also to make sure he eats bc he forgets to wayyy too often).

Asthma. No explanation. I just know he has it

I hope not all of these came off as super angsty, they aren't meant to completely. Like sure it sucks but he's allowed to not be miserable constantly (disabled people are allowed to not be miserable constantly, it doesn't make our pain any less valid. We're allowed to be happy).

I just love when characters are permanently, physically, changed by their story. Tbh if it weren't for rampant ableism, I think a lot of characters in action/adventure stories would be disabled, but people aren't ready for that discussion yet. Ty for the ask I had so much fun answering and writing these!!!

[ong-o]

Shadow x sonic live reaction!!!!

(Trhough my very very biased eyeballs)

THEY CALL SEGA DAD!

brought up shadow dancing in the Olympics!! He danced at Amy’s concert, he’s going to a SABRINA CARPENTER CONCERT

SHADOW WOULD SAVE SONIC (he makes a copium answer but it’s bc he hates tails more than sonic lets be real)

Sonic is jelous that Big makes shadow smile 0-0

Shadow and Amy being girl besties is the best direction they could take them

Shadow annoyed boyfriend while Sonic annoying shopping gf experience canon??

THEYRE JUST FLIRTING ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY??? “I think you just secretly like it when we match 😏” -Sonic ????!!!!!

THEYRE NOT FLOATIES THEYRE A FASHION CHOICE

The banter goes CRAZY

Sonic?? Shaves?? His?? Chest????

DEEP VOICE SONIC!

Agreed we weren’t gonna go there” about Amy?hmmm

Shadow has daddy issues💔( it’s been known)

Thank you classic sonic very nice

Shadow denies having beef with rails (I disagree therefore it’s not canon)

Shadow Latino canon (yes I know what it was referencing but NO ITS BC HES LATINO)

A RUSH? HEART PUMPING? Not the same wiITHOUTEACH OTHER

Sonic has stronger thumbs😏

Cream in the fridge canon???

Sonic’s master plan was to hangout with shadow and get ice cream ofc. Shadows favorite flavor is coffee. I’m still debating this with the council.

GO OFF KING - Sonic

Shadow has very strong opinions on super monkey ball. Shadow doesn’t like their opresión

Sonic talks about jet like a weird on and off ex, shadow pretends he’s not bothered. I’ve chosen to interpret it this way

Silvers dRaMATIC

HES LITTLE BROTHER!!!

Why did they auto default to drawing each other😭 they both suck💔

Yeah shadow would play chess

SHADOWS JELOUS OF ALL OF SONICS RIVALS!!! He’s offended he’s not the top!!

THEY REMOVED ELISE AHAHAHAHAH

Shadow laughed at a Joe mama joke ❤️❤️

Shadow STILL lives in a cave

Mandatory Macarena sing along

Shadows pressed sonic hugs don’t mean anything 🤔 (this reminded me of such a good fanfiction where shadow is upset Sonic doesn’t understand the effect he has on him, I’m Delulu about this now)

Awkward estranged family reunion time!!!

Shadows fake as fuuucckkk shit talking ORbot😤

Sonic has a chao canon, shadow has a chao canon!!!

BOO!! B OO!!

Shadow sees tails as a bad influence on Sonic , this is most definitely why he keeps clocking him on sight

Skill issue. - Shadow

Shadow thinks his presence is a gift. HE DOESNT GIVE SONIC A GIFT

Shadows sleeping location is still a mystery!!! (It’s a cave he most definitely sleeps on the floor of a cave)

Again…Whose Elise???” The SHADEEEE

[marieyapstoomuch]

@mayaphernalia had to make a separate post about tudor england bc it’s gonna be long

so basically, the tudor period started in 1485 at the battle of bosworth when henry vii killed richard iii in battle. this was also the end of the wars of the roses (that’s a whole other post). basically, the lancasters and the yorks were fighting for the crown in the wars of the roses. after this battle, elizabeth of york (a york) married henry vii (a lancaster) which was basically a truce and it effectively ended the war. they had three sons survive infancy. arthur, henry, and edmund. edmund died around one year old, though.

elizabeth died giving birth to a daughter named katherine, who also died a few days later. timeskip a bit, catherine of aragon was engaged to arthur, the oldest of their sons. catherine was the daughter of queen isabella and king ferdinand of castille (the spaniards who sponsored christopher columbus’s new world expedition). they were like the ultimate power couple in the world at the time. anyway, i think catherine was 15 and arthur was 14 when they married. back then, marriages were considered invalid if they weren’t consummated (remember that. it will be important later)

anyway, less than a year after their marriage, arthur died of the sweating sickness (basically sweated himself to death. scientists still don’t know the cause, where it came from, or why it disappeared). timeskip to henry vii dying, leaving his only living son, now king henry viii, to inherit the throne. he had become infatuated with catherine and they were soon married. she was actually older than him by five years, which was rare for the time.

they were married for a while, and it was a happy marriage. henry would go off to fight and catherine would be regent. she was very well liked. only problem? she wasn’t having any sons. she had a number of miscarriages and still born. she even had a phantom pregnancy, which is when you want to be pregnant so bad that your body basically starts giving you the symptoms of pregnancy. she only had one daughter, which was not good because history fucking sucks and only sons could inherit.

henry thought god was cursing him. after reading the bible, he found a verse in leviticus that basically said you can’t sleep with your brother’s wife because it’s basically incest. well, henry took this verse very seriously. even though catherine swore up and down that her and arthur never slept together, he still used that verse to divorce her because she wasn’t having any sons.

however, that wasn’t the only reason he was divorcing her. he had fallen in love with one of her ladies in waiting, anne boleyn. henry had always had mistresses, but he was infatuated with anne.

long long long story short, because england was a catholic country, they couldn’t divorce. so what did henry do? he changed the fucking religion to protestantism and took the power away from the catholic church, giving it to himself. henry viii basically fucked up england a lot.

anyway, him and catherine divorce. he marries anne, she has a daughter named elizabeth. he then accuses anne of incest and adultery (which was a lie) and had her beheaded. i’m doing some major skimming here, bear with me. he then married jane seymour, who died from complications from childbirth (the was henry’s long awaited son, edward). then he married anne of cleves, but that match didn’t work out and they annulled the marriage. next was katherine howard who was beheaded because of treason and because she was molested and raped as a child so she was “impure” (i hate men). last but not least was catherine parr, who outlived henry. he died on april 21, 1509.

henry and jane’s son edward became kind edward vi. at age 9. sadly, he died in 1553. because there were no more male heirs, mary, catherine of aragon’s daughter, finally became queen mary i. she died only five years later from cancer.

elizabeth, anne boleyn’s daughter, became the famous queen elizabeth i of england, which also started the elizabethan era. she died in 1603. she had no children and was the last person who was a full tudor. her death was the end of the tudor period in england.

i skimmed over a bunch of crap, especially talking about henry viii’s wives. i didn’t even mention thomas cromwell. anyway, that’s the tudor period

[nereidprinc3ss]

making this anonymous because i want to be a sneaky girl… i fear you’ll probably know who i am and if you know pretend u don’t because she’s not me i promise LOLLLL but i liked part 7 a lot i really liked how there was a big emphasis on how they’re doing this because they love each other i thought that was really sweet 😭 i think for me personally i’ve always had this thought of if a man wants to have sex with me he sees me as an object, so i’ve always kinda opposed the whole sexual thoughts thing but while reading dybmn (not to say blah blah fanfic cured me blah blah blah) it helped me realize you can have those thoughts and feeling for someone while simultaneously loving them and that doesn’t make you a bad person, i appreciated how much that showed in part 7.

(ALSO COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG ABT THIS NEXT PART DONT CANCEL ME I KNOW THE DYBMN ARMY ANALYSIS THESE FICS TO PIECES SO IF IM WRONG PLS IM SORRY this is just what i gathered)

what i think made this part different from the rest (besides the loss of virginity thing) is that if i’m not mistaken this was not only readers first time having sex, but spencer’s first time having sex with someone who mutually feels the same way about him COULD BE SOOO WRONG but with the whole elle thing and then him just having a slut era where he hooked up with a bunch of women i just assume he’s never had sex with someone who is in love with him but i’m sorry if i am missing something 😭😭 obviously they did like hand and mouth stuff first but they were both under the impression they either felt differently about each other, or weren’t aware of it yet. so i thought it was really cute how they kept saying i love you because i’m sure having that emotional factor changes sex but what would i know LOLLL it was just special to me💕 anywho im done yappin now, have the most perfect night!!!!

OK OMG IM GONNA TALK ABT THIS UR BRAIN IS SOOOO HUGE

that was one of the most important parts to get across for me. i think porn and smut have really fucked with people’s perceptions of sex and obviously i am contributing to that in my own way but i REALLY wanted to write something where it was so clear that the love came first and was far more important than the sex, but also that they intertwined so much, like the sex was an EXPRESSION of love. and also even though reader has been beggginggg spencer to fuck for like ever, in MY opinion she subconsciously wasn’t actually ready for it until now. she basically wanted to have sex because she was worried abt what other people thought and wanted to appease her insecurities but for both of them, having sex was really about love which is always my attitude towards it as well, i am very anti hookup culture being the dominant way people connect and obviously do what you want but i hate that now it’s the expectation that you aren’t or even shouldn’t get attached to the person you’re sleeping with. so basically this is propaganda and me furthering my own agenda. i don’t think sex has to be “dirty” or warrant guilt at all, it can be something (we’re getting corny🚨🚨) that is JUST for you and your partner, not performative, and done because you truly love each other. like to me that’s so romantic—eliminating all outside influence and being very private bc it’s this one incredibly intimate thing you share only with each other. obviously this will not be everyone’s perspective but i find monogamy and commitment soooo sexy lol like make each other feel special!! that is so cute!! choose each other and share things you wouldn’t share with anyone else!!!! i love it!! sex when u love someone has like nothing to do with our societal perception of sex and it sucks that we’ve like bastardized it so much

[captainimprobable]

ok look ive been like. really good at avoiding crashing out considering. everything. but if youll allow me just a little baby crashout id appreciate it!

my life is a joke lmaooo my medication no longer works. Which means my narcolepsy has become incredibly disabling. I feel sick almost every day, I take 2-3 naps a day, I can only drive at certain times, I can't really have a social life anymore, and I had to cut down on hours at work which means im working 12 a week. 12. A week. I am making minimum wage.

Do you know how much money that is? It's a very small amount. Once I get certified as a barista, I'll make, wait for it...a whole extra dollar an hour. It can take A YEAR to get certified. And the process requires traveling to the city at least 3 times, unpaid, taking a two hour class, doing a written exam, and multiple practicals. All this. For a single extra dollar. Meanwhile, I'll be DOING ALL THE BARISTA WORK. But I can't get the extra buck until im OFFICIALLY certified.

And it just hit me today, as I was taking the ridiculously difficult written exam, how humiliating and dehumanizing this is.

I am 31 fucking years old. THIRTY ONE. And this is my life. I'm living in my childhood bedroom, in a borderline toxic environment, in the neighborhood that has made me feel like shit since I was a kid, isolated from the world bc I have a total of one friend still living here too.

I feel like I've been running on a treadmill through molasses for years. Since I'm only working two days right now, the other days of the week are now dedicated to content creation, which I've claimed as my second part time job. The payoff for this is almost nothing. Right now I'm making about the same amount in a month as I am in a day at the coffee shop. I feel like a loser. I feel like a failure. I feel like I did something wrong, I feel like there has to be a way for me to get rid of the life i have and trade it for another one, but there isn't. And I've been so good. I've been so positive. Even though I feel like shit every day I've been working my ass off for tiktok and literally anything i need to do. But my savings are almost gone because I got into a car accident and had to fix the car. I have a lot of great things in my life but I don't WANT to downplay everything, I don't WANT to be positive, I want to be allowed to admit that things suck SHIT right now and ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR. I hate myself, I hate who I am, I hate this sick person who is always STUPID from brain fog, I hate this dumb bitch who can't stay awake for long enough to go out with friends. I hate this jackass who has to seriously consider if it's ok for me to get a book I've been wanting for a YEAR because it costs money. I hate that I need to take my cat to the vet for her yearly checkup and I've been avoiding it because there goes more of my savings.

I hate working retail. I hate being treated like a robot NPC every day for nothing. I hate that I had so many plans for my future and now they're all impossible because I have the TOO SLEEPY DISEASE. I hate spending every day in bed, and not feeling good enough for anyone in my life because I don't really have one. I hate that I graduated college NINE YEARS AGO and I still don't have a full time job and I still live at home and I STILL CAN'T FUCKING SUPPORT MYSELF. WHEN AM I GOING TO BE ALLOWED TO START MY LIFE? WHEN IS IT GONNA BE MY TURN???? WHAT DID I DO WRONG???? I have to go to sleep soon to be up at 6am for my job and I don't know how I can walk in there tomorrow feeling the way I do. But what choice to I have? I need the miniscule amount of money it's going to give me. I'M SO ANGRY and I'm tired of being jealous of everyone else and I'm sick of being depressed and anxious and I don't understand what the point even is right now!!!!!! What is all this for??? I'm not making enough to save up, and my new meds won't come in for months...so what am i working towards??? ANYTHING???? Am I going to be here forever????? i want to run to the middle of the street and scream but you know what? i dont even have the fucking energy. maybe tomorrow ill pretend this isnt bothering me again. maybe ill pretend to be fine because what other choice do i have? so this is my single allotted breakdown. thank you for joining me.

[seireitonin]

Do you have any 30 year old Toby head cannons?

(Omg yay a rare question:3 no one ever acknowledges 30 year old Toby! Kinda sucks bc I think his story as he grows up is so cool! Like man literally gets possessed and almost dies or dies depending on how you look at it. Anyway onto the hcs. There’s gonna be some canon stuff mixed in too :3)

🪓 After being taken in by Slender at 17, and continuing to kill people for most of his life, he’s become so desensitized to danger and violence

🪓 I mean he got mixed in with killers and criminals at 17 and solidified his space within them by 25

🪓 But Toby is full of himself. Cocky. Obnoxious. Cold. He thinks he’s untouchable due to his strength, being good at fighting and his CIPA.

🪓So when he flies too close to the sun and gets caught and taken into an asylum at 30, it’s almost like he doesn’t believe it. This isn’t really happening to him is it?

🪓So when he gets strapped down to a table like an animal and put in a straight jacket, it still doesn’t make sense to him. He’s untouchable.

🪓 Since the people who work at this asylum don’t really see him as human or care, they experiment on him

🪓They play in his body and mind like a playground

🪓They took one of his eyes out without putting him to sleep. He can’t feel it anyway right?

🪓 The treatment is brutal. The treatment is cruel. It takes what little sanity he had left.

🪓 Not because it hurts, obviously, but because it reminds him of that helpless feeling of abuse

🪓 He was a man now. Not a 17 year old being abused by his dad. So why was he in this helpless position?

🪓 Was all that killing he did to get stronger and to feel more powerful for nothing? Was he always meant to be controlled and abused by other people?

🪓 This is the point Slenderman helps him get out. Toby is an even more perfect puppet now.

🪓 Toby tries to let go of anything connecting him to his humanity. He believes it made him weaker.

🪓 Gets more brutal with his killing

🪓 Almost like a wounded animal lashing out, because he is. His pride is hurt. And ironically, his heart is hurt

🪓 Being in that asylum really brought back memories of his dad and how he’s one of the reasons he’s in this fucked up position in his life in the first place

🪓He’s even more pissed that he has one eye now

🪓 Everyone makes fun of him for it causing more violent episodes

🪓 Doesn’t want to be seen as weak or less than. So he uses violence to assert himself. He’s more insecure than ever about it now

🪓 He won’t be under anyone or be bullied by anyone ever again. Or be beneath anyone ever again.

🪓 Still has a sliver of empathy. In his own way, still doesn’t want to be like his dad

🪓 Refuses to trust anyone except for the people closest to him

🪓Assumes most people want to hurt him or take advantage of him

🪓 His whole life is miserable. Why is he even here?

🪓 Has tried to kill himself multiple times, but Slenderman has “blessed” him with immortality. Lucky him.

🪓 Part of him wants to stop and try and get better but he knows he probably can’t. So he delves even deeper into the violence. He’s miserable.

🪓Any healing and progress he’s made through his relationships romantic or not is completely gone.

🪓 He’s colder, crueler and meaner than ever

🪓Not because he hates the people he cares about, but he’s doing it to protect himself in his mind. He’s just terrified of loosing them or being hurt. Or his worst fear, hurting them. Especially if it’s a romantic partner.

🪓 “It’s a waste of your fucking time, trying to care about me. We both know there’s no hope for me” He tells them as he glares with the one eye he has left. And he means every word.

🪓 Pushes everyone away from him. He can’t handle the thought of his progress and the people he cares about being ripped away from him.

🪓”God, someone help me” he often thinks to himself. But he knows no one’s coming. He knows no one can save him. Despite how bad he wants it.

🪓So he’ll “help” himself. More killing. More violence. More bloodshed. More sex. More everything. Just to have control over something. Anything.

🪓 A dead man walking

[forbidding-souda]

Having a shit time in high school :(

Is college any better, socially?

Oh 100%

I can only speak for university but it's easy to 'keep to yourself' just as easy as it is to talk to classmates. Have you ever seen those videos where a guy walks up to a group of people in the dining commons and sits down with them, that is literally so accurate.

If you have more questions or if I completely dodged something you wanted to specifically hear then send another ask bc I love talking about college.

From my experience this is the times I've made friends or at least someone who is a good acquaintance.

edit: it should be kept in mind that i was popular in highschool and also i was in highschool like idk 6 years ago or something so i'm just gonna talk about my college experience without comparing it directly to high school because i do not remember that shit at all

Some college classes have assigned groups, randomized by canvas. Since you and whoever in your group are in the same class, you'd at least have some things in common whether major wise or GED talk. The longer you're in college and the more people you know, you'd know people with many different majors so it's easy to get along with someone in that major, e.x I was in an ecology class with a bunch of health science majors and now my roommate this semester is a health science major so I was like "oh!!! that's awesome (insert things I learned about health science through talking to my classmates/funny things I remember about their professors who I have no idea that is)" and my roommate is like "omfg I've HAD THAT SAME PROFESSOR and yeah that person was right, blahblahblah" boom easy 10 minute conversation. This bullet point completely derailed from what I was going to talk about LOL but yeah class groups are hella fun, I get so many instagram moots from them, and even if we stop talking about the class ends we still respond to each others stories. A cheerleader sold me waist beads my freshman year and we still respond to each other's stories (it's been like 3 years) even though we haven't seen each other irl since.

For me in my own experience I'm religious so I go to weekly large worship groups (shoutout to chi alpha, but I don't go to that one anymore) and people there are so nice and will always check up on you. Plus they have picnics too and it's not exclusive to people within that group, I bring my nonreligious friends all the time and everyone gets along regardless. I don't join clubs bc I'm bad at consistency going to shit but my best friend since day 1 (literally the first day of college) is in Girls Who Code and she hangs out with people from there.

You WILL have roommates who you hate but it's fine, once the semester is over you'll have the chance to go somewhere else and it'll be over. I've never had a bad roommate but that's because I'm social and I don't gaf about anything so if you're a person who is picky about loudness/drinking or whatever, you will have a less fun time with your roommate if they're carefree or bothered by it. If you therefore want to avoid your roommate, there's a 60% chance one of your new friend's roommates will not gaf if you sleep over, one of my friends roommate even didn't gaf if I slept in her bed if she was gone. Also most dorm people will do away for weekends so if your roommate sucks then there's a chance they'll leave at times. Idk how to describe this next point so I'll just explain the situation and you can gather what I mean so dorms have shared bathrooms ofc and every morning when I'd do my makeup, this girl would enter the bathroom and brush her teeth next to me. We wouldn't even talk but we'd say hi in the hallway because we 'knew' each other that much. We both moved to other buildings but when I made friends with the girls in my sorority chapter, I'd go over to their dorms and omg boom my bathroom buddy was one of their friends! So you will encounter people you recognize. Even though I hardly remembered my bathroom buddy's name (or if I even knew it?) I was already socially close to her.

Also it's easy to make friends with whoever your roommate brings over (I was so close with my roommates' boyfriends solely because I saw them every day and they'd be 4 feet away from my bed).

I mentioned this before but your classes will have student-made discords. Under the cut I'll send some ss of the ones I'm in rn. People are HELLAA FUNNY bc they don't need to be professional as they are in class.

I was a sorority girl so that in itself gives me access to frat parties and bonding with other Panhellenic groups even though I'm not in the sorority anymore. I have no idea about anybody in "rho whatever the fuck" but there's two guys in one of my classes who are rushing that group and we get along so well just by relating to greek life funny stories. School started a week ago and we already talk to each other and say good morning. Also often your teachers will put a "talk to the person next to you" type shit. And non-assigned assigned seats are a real thing but you can easily move if someone you don't like is sitting by you, I've had classes that are not big enough to completely fill the number of desks in the room so I would just sit in the general area each day.

There's this one thing I saw ever that said "how to turn a class friend into a casual friend" (or whatever the fuck) and it said something like "ask them after a project/test to go to Starbucks as celebration" and I tried it and it actually worked so BIG W

DON'T DATE ANYONE IN YOUR FIRST SEMESTER PLZ SAVE YOURSELF YOU DO NOT NEED A CANON EVENT NO MATTER HOW SEXY THEY ARE PLZ DO NOT DO IT

I have a lot of friends per semester that I just don't talk to anymore and that's a common college thing for sure.

And you will make friends in your late college days where all of your classes are purely major related bc you'll see the same people.

-Mod Souda (below are ss from my class discords to show how students talk to each other outside of class/even when talking about class things)

[starzgaze]

hope you don't mind me ranting rq--

i constantly think about your yan!Hae-In and yan!Jinwoo ideas because they're so fun to mess around with.

bc what if the readers honest to god reaction to either of then confessing to then was "i don't feel the dame way.. you wanna see this cool bug i found?"

that OR the reader is a little freak of a poet and writes romance novels with concerningly detailed cannibalism scenes and is more interested in the shadow ants than either of them.

also i'm planning on writing a fic about the cannibal poet reader, but it's going to take a while because i'm shit at writing-

LMFAOO IDC IF U FLOOD MY INBOX ITS FINEEE more people to talk to anyway because im a bit of a pussy to talk straight up to my mutuals sigh

also thanks i actually have alot in my drafts its just most of them are unfinished and i have no idea if i should let them see the light of day or not... same with w.jc , chi, and sjw sick day fic LMFAOO uhhmm anyway!!

that's actually something i lovvee experienting with lowkey especially as someone who takes a big looong time to realize 'oh they liked me" and it's been fucking months since they confessed but anyqay I actually act like that most of the time it's pretty bad anywaaay this is funny as hell with yandere jinhae who's TRYING their best to make you swoon even if they're not the best with romance but you still don't... budge... bur hey you'll show them some cool colored bug you picked off the side walk! that's hopefully not a mutated monster that escaped a dungeon.

anyway more on the first idea this probably either ends really well or horribly depending on how both jinwoo and haein receives this ooooooorrr the circumstances really on how much they both value you but since im a freak for borderline this is insanity why are you writing this type of literature let's say that if you rejected then you have one swordswoman who accidentally fucks you up psychologically (I don't see haein someone who would do it willingly or deliberately gets enjoyment from it) but with jinwoo its a bit complicated to say because each person has a different take on how jinwoo perceives romance and how he processes feelings but since its my post im going with it's probably borderline fucked up if we consider the fact the more he levels up or grows the more apathetic or inhumane he becomes! im gonna abuse the hell out of this concept

but anywya with jinwoo u're probably gonna either get straight up kidnapped OR because you're lowkey desensitized and carefree that maybe kidnapping doesn't really have any affect on you then he might just sends weird eldritch horrors depictions of death and darkness when you're about to sleep so now you need a cute bug themes night light to sleep because no way you're letting some death incarnate screw up your sleeping schedule.

also those two as an attempt to maybe sway you might get into bugs or whatever little interests like jinwoo is having small consultations with beru or has him on standby everytime he spends time with you or haein overcoming her trauma (this takes place after jeju island) and learns and starts to love bugs just for you to reciprocate her feelings then these two quiz eachother on who knows more and what not it's literally amusing to see them debates over fuckinf caterpillars when you returned with take out because they insisted hanging out with you

anyway now on the latter I LOVE LOVE grotesque depictions of love especially like with murder OR cannibalism like how probably eating eachother is like a way of showing affection and how now your love will always be inside of them (literally) or something along the lines!! it's actually so cool how it's portrayed in media i need some suggestions actually anyway in the context of jinhae and mc being a poet uhmmm I'm not sure because i suck at making poems so im not the best on how to... make this work... i hate writing poems but I'll stick witj the theme of being a romance horror writer but not what you think of like colleen hoover or whomever the fuck wrote haunting adeline (god please i hope those books gets SMITED off the face of earth because this has stained dark romance to the point i dont even wanna acknowledge dark romance as a genre).

if you're a popular horror writer who specializes on creeping out your readers but still somehow delivers a good message or screwedd up message in between the lines of ripped boddies and intestines then jinhae has probably heard of you before like definitely.

like the themes of your books or poems to other people seems to be very disgusting or only written for the shock value but maybe to jinwoo or haein they have a whooole different meaning or one of your books/poems struck them really deep they got into a bit of a rabbit hole going through your collection as an author. i can definitely see both of them becoming fans and attending meet and greets.

oh my god a thought came to me and it's basically how would these two act in the internet if your name was beinf slandered like because your books or poems is not well perceived by all because you would occasionally write screwed up romance that you do not condone at all!! it's all for the sake of symbolism and experimentation with the material but anyway these two would have different reactions to this

for example haein seems to be the type to not be sooo like... like how do i explain this shes the type to have an anonymous account and goes to those forums to have actual discussions and tries to be civil as she can be when she tries to convert these haters why they should like you because i can't see her going as far to try to find this individual's address BUT but im just saying if ever that same hater was in the same dungeon raid as haein, there's no guarantee that haein will probably let them... die and say it was an accident.

anyway jinwoo is less interactive on the internet and is more of a lurker but he's probably the definitely the type to send ominous messages and then appear on their doorstep next morning or even minute if they're that unlucky LMFAO. another case of missing people otw!!

oh and i lowkey love the whooole idea of if you have a writer darling no matter how screwed or how fluffy their stories are the person or people who loves them will try to recreate this. yeaaah i can see this happening with jinwoo and haein and the tiny competition they have is who performed it better.

like for example if you written a poem about the elegant slashes of a sword on how it glides so easily through certain monsters, haein would try to replicate the feeling and explains to jinwoo that she obviously is better at portraying at this because she is a certified swordswoman or something along the lines and honestly jinwoo can't exactly argue against that because she's right but he won't admit it

then with paragraphs that depicts the most grueling experience of death and what not is something jinwoo is really familiar with and he's the type to copy it by doing it on random monsters he encounters in dungeons or even certain monarchs if they're that unlucky or jinwoo feels a biiit experimental LMFAO yeah okay what my brain is fried.

oh talking about darling being a horror romance writer, the moment jinwoo introduces his shadows or you find out about you become absolutely infatuated with them and the whoole idea like especially they're permanently serving death that's a pretty neat idea to you.

you start to write more and talk less to jinwoo and mooore to the shadows, it's pretty funny to see but you didn't notice the fact jinwoo is fuming in the background as he watches you get into in depth discussions with igris and bellion about their past lives and how you'll implement their experiences in a poem

yeha kay thats it my brain wugh dead bye uhm yeah talk to me more i love this sm thanks for food for thought

[golbrocklovely]

I got to say this, because i am so mad:

People who say that people who support Malia and Colby are not their real fans, cause “Malia is using Colby” get on my nerves soo bad. Like wtf you want from us. Cause let’s be real:

Even IF Malia is not a good person and is using Colby. It was Colby’s decision to be with her. Even if he ends up heartbroken, it is his life and he deserves to live it the way he wants. Wtf you want us fans to do about their relationship? Like let’s think logically! Even if Malia wouldn’t be a nice person… how tf would we know that, like seriously? She didn’t do anything that would make us think “oh she is a bad person” and Colby chose her for some reason, so ofc in our eyes she is a nice person, cause we want her to be a nice person, cause that is something that a normal fan would do, when they find out that their idol is dating someone. Nobody normal wants to believe that a person our fav is dating is ass. But even if Malia would do smth publicly that would make majority of fans question her being nice (which till now,she never did) . Then again, what power over Colby’s life we got that you think that we can change smth? We got none and that is the way it should be. Colby is an adult capable of making decisions, so even if Malia wouldn’t be a nice person, it’s still his decision to be with her and hating on her constantly wouldn’t change a thing. If anything, it can make colby stop interacting with us, but if you think that by sending Malia hate, acting like you know her better than Colby, who knows her personally, will change his mind and heart and be like “hmm, yk they are right”, then you are fucking delusional and need a therapy session booked.

You are obligated to your opinions and if believing that Malia is not a good person makes you sleep better at night, then so be it, go for it! But leave her and Colby alone, stop hating on them online 24/7 and let them just be. Even if that relationship would end up breaking up in the future, let them be. It’s their business, not ours. The way they handle their private life has absolutely nothing to do with us.

sorry for the delayed response. totally forgot i didn't answer this lol

i agree with you 100%

i think what's odd is how many fans jump to the conclusion that every girl colby fucks with over the years is somehow bad. like, i get that maybe some of his track record is… questionable??? if that, but let the man choose who he wants.

also at this point i truly don't think anymore actually hates malia. i think a majority of those hating on her are trolls who have nothing better to do and they like the attention they get from other fans, whether good or bad. they don't care that they look crazy, they just want engagement. bc i seriously cannot believe that there are ppl that genuinely dislike her. she has done literally nothing to deserve hate, and even if she did something wrong, hating her is not gonna make colby change his mind.

i think certain fans have just the deepest levels of internet brainrot and the only way to fix that is to ignore them bc it's basically unfixable any other way. i'd have a better conversation with a wall than with those ppl lol

then of course there is also the fans that are saying all of this mean shit bc they are bitter and hateful towards the world since their lives suck so bad. seeing someone actively act that way is honestly more sad than annoying to me at this point.

[ssnowjo]

Hello Snow, and everyone. Hope you all are doing great. I'm usually a silent reader because this shit makes me giggle. I am only here to offer more standpoint. Sometimes I feel like everyone is so against Joe, rightfully of course, but I feel so many can't see some other vintage points because it's automatically let's think the worst.

The first point that I wanna make, which I have before when I've been like what the hell, but no one ever really acknowledge. I just want to say that as far as him and her dating or whatever it was, I wanna remind everyone that it's a part of life to give people chances. How many of us have dated someone or even had a friendship with someone that hasn't been the best person, but we wouldn't listen because "we know them they wouldn't do that" until finally it takes something happening for the rose colored glasses off and you're like "oh okay you suck" o you cut ties. That's all a part of life, and it's about learning from it. I agree Doja sucks as a person, but I think for those holding out hope we have to remember that this is a common life thing that happens.

I also haven't seen anyone wonder with how she is, and the reason he agree is maybe she told him everything he needed to hear to make him go, "oh your trying to change," and that's why he agreed to all of this. It wouldn't surprise me at all that she feed him bullshit and told him she is trying to change and even privately told him some of the things she done (water down version) and how she's trying to change.

Above all the hate, we need to understand at the end of the day that we don't know what's going on behind close doors, what she has told him or vice versa. If we are able to go to the extreme and think the worse, we sometimes have to take a step back and look at all logical stances. You know what I mean? I'm willing to bet some of you have had similar experiences in your lives. I hope this is making sense.

As far as the cheating during stranger things. I remember seeing the relationship was already over. If it wasn't and he did potentially sleep with Grace, but I remember seeing it was over. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Grace hooked up. I'm gonna say it she seems like a pick me type of girl. There I'll be the bad guy and say it.

Now back to Joe. He strikes me as insecure. I think we can all agree with that. I have brought up the point of seeing where he would latch onto every girl that showed him attention, and I was the same way in high school. I wasn't the girls guys wanted and it does create massive insecurities.

Lets also take into the 5 years relationship if it did end, for all we know he thought that was it for him and when it ended may have fucked him up to where he doesn't want a serious relationship. He was upfront about it with Alicia, and seemingly possible upfront about it with Grace. If they are over and he's back on Raya, what's the harm? If he's single, being upfront about not wanting a relationship, who cares if he's hooking up.

I am extremely aware I can be dead wrong. I don't want this to come off as defending him. I don't know the guy, so for all we know you guys could be spot on. I just feel like everyone is so easily going to worst case scenario which hey I get, better to prepare for the worst than be disappointed, but I don't see really anyone offering other perspective from a place of not hate. If none of this make sense I apologize. I hope this helps a little.

I do agree and was disappointed with the Doja stuff. She's gross, but we gotta remember at the end of the day we don't know what's truly going on. I'm hoping he gets his shit together. Joseph, my dear idiot, STANDARDS 👏👏👏👏

Okay sorry for the long rant, would love to see some feedback. Hope everyone has a great rest of your day, and stop attacking each other. All of our opinions all valid. We shouldn't be bashing each other of celebrities. Bye guys

The cheating allegations during st I barely believe not bc it’s not possible but bc it was mostly vanquinns obsessed with them being together.

Now about the rest, I hope he does get his shit together bc he’s acting soo bad lately and at this point it’s not only doja, it’s the conventions, his recent movie warfare where he’s literally queerbaiting with his castmates to promote a war film, that’s not even anti war, I hope he becomes a better person, works on himself bc we don’t need more shitty people in this world, I cared about him at some point so I just hope he does better.

I appreciate a lot your opinion nonny and yeah I agree we shouldn’t attack each other for this man or any other celebrity.

[blushedfawn]

OKAY I FINISHED FOOL'S ERRAND AND I HAVE THOUGHTS HERE THEY ARE:

SPOILERS AHEAD

- Starling I want ur fucking head on a platter and somebody said on goodreads ur ass is in book 2 as well, you need to see me in my office FOR TERMINATION. She was absolutely awful to Fitz and Hap, and she fucking sucks. She wants Fitz so bad but then wants to make him feel worthless bc he won't sleep with you. GET A GRIP. I HATE YOU.

-Fitz you are really the best of us tasked with making the worst decisions, I loved him working through his trauma and thought process in this book moreso than ever. him being like "yeah it was wrong but this is how I feel and this is why, and I can't change it" and then always coming around ... GROWTH BABY!!! his final remarks about letting Hap live freely, his talk with Chade, his acceptance of dutiful was proof. HE STILL HEARD HEADED BUT THIS IS GOOD.

(I need to ignore him torturing deerskin tho bc that genuinely scared me)

-laurel, don't piss me off. ur on thin ice. she came around and saved the day and then apologized to Fitz so shes good rn but trust you will be dealt with in my mind palace if you fuck up

her name evades me now but miss charm maker was so sweet and a wonderful addition to what I wish was starlings fucking exit. she was joyous, I loved her cat, and I loved every scene she was in. i want more of her.

-Fool.... be still my heart YOU ARE BELOVED. Beloved absolutely was a big part of why this book was so much fun, Lord Golden was everything to me. ALSO THE HORSE BEING NAMED MALTA. I SEE YOU!!!!!!! LIVESHIP TRADERS MAKE SOME NOISEEEEE

UMM ALSO WE GOT A REALLY CRAZY FORESHADOWING FOR WHAT I THINK MIGHT BE THE BIGGEST VILLAIN OF THIS BOOK SERIES. Pale woman I'm onto you. and I am absolutely terrified. i know devastation is coming

-these books do a really good job of making you question what you think you know about magic systems, places, and people that have already been introduced. The wit magic being so complicated and then the ways different people live with it was shown so phenomenally shown. especially when one part of a larger group doesnt align with the rest yet all feel the repercussions..... YUP.

-DUTIFUL YOU SWEET BABY ANGEL HONEY PIE CHILD THEY TRIED TO HURT YOU. You are ur dad's son I know THATS right. Fitz being on the other side of the coin and seeing the cycle of the fatherless boy through different eyes was a PLEASURE to read like that was PROSE. When he reached for Dutiful at the table my heart was absolutely melted. Those moments... wow

Dutiful is so funny too, like I was chuckling. I think the new bride is gonna be a fun character and I'm excited to see her grow like Malta did (pls don't be evil)

-peladine you are one evil bitch. piebalds.... i don't like y'all. i understand your plight but I don't appreciate them being so evil toward animals bc they're gifted. RIP to Kit you didn't deserve to be neglected and not let to have control of ur own body for that stingy bitch who forced you to neglect ur needs. l

-seeing so many old faces was a breath of fresh air but seeing them age and change was like.... wow. if Robin didn't do such an outstanding job of making you love and care about these characters, this wouldn't HIT THE WAY IT DOES. 10/10

I'ma be real with you...I knew Nighteyes was gonna die the second they started talking about how old he was. like girl bye they tried to set it up to let me down easy and it DIDN'T WORK. I still just .... that send off .... i pictured it in my mind and it was so beautiful I cannot even ... the tears were FLOWING.

[againstme]

how have you been? haven’t seen you posting in a few days and i usually check on you daily to see how you’re doing. hope you’re okay and you get the apartment

hi anon, this is kind of you, i appreciate it.

i’m at a homeless shelter rn, i haven’t been able to get an apartment. i’ve sometimes had / received the money for a motel/hotel/airbnb for a day or some change, but on days when i don’t i just have to wander or loiter around until the shelter opens at 9 pm.

it’s been a lot of crying, a lot of sitting/laying on the sidewalk, a lot of being cold, and being hungry. a lot. i had my first meal at like 7 pm today, i’m surprised i made it through my shift. though i think i was just too anxious to eat, i’m still kind of like that.

it doesn’t help that i got diagnosed as prediabetic and i have that like looming over me while i’m dealing with so much instability rn, i’m worried about my health. but i don’t really have the access to change shit right now.

i’m just trying to go to work, and even that has been hard. i cry a lot at work when there aren’t customers, and it sucks because i like my job. the stress has been causing more flare ups of hidradenitis too, which has been super painful.

every day is really different and dependent on my dwindling bank account. i don’t have the physical energy to wander around town until i have to work or until shelter opens, but i also kind of have to keep moving.

i think the only good amount of rest i had was yesterday and that was only because i called out of work because i was physically unable of getting there without passing out cause i hadn’t eaten. but i took a bubble bath at the place i was at and was in bed all day. but that was only cause i was in too much pain.

i don’t know if i’ll get housed, i don’t have time for most things because it’s all waitlisted or closed. the collective that has a check for me is going to be closed multiple times this month, so my window for getting rental assistance through them this month is very short.

so i dunno. everything is hard, i don’t really tell most irl or some online people about how hard things are and how much i don’t like waking up and having this be my life. but i’m really tired of going on, i don’t know what is keeping me here and i kind of (really) hate it.

i work an 8 hour closing shift tomorrow, i just got to the shelter like 10 minutes ago, and i have to leave in less than 12 hours from the shelter. and i know i’m gonna be so tired because i barely sleep here, but i don’t have anywhere to sleep after i leave the shelter because i can’t afford a hotel or airbnb or anything. so then i just have to stay awake and it sucks so much bc i am so exhausted :/

this was a long ramble sorry, i’m at the shelter and i’m bored

[dooplissss]

Long time lurker, saw your tag, go off about emmett and his gf im nosy.

thank you beloved i am kissing you if you so desire

ok. god. where do i start. ok so my oc Emmett is my newest dnd pc, he's. his life sucks so much.

my beautiful little guy had this lovely life on top of a mountain in the town of Annona, a quaint colorful place that is a bit of a tourist destination. His dad died about 8 years ago, right before his family adopted his little brother Eliseo, and so Emmett and Eliseo are really close to their mom Jazmin. They run a small restaurant together and importantly Emmett's dad was essentially the spiritual leader for the town for their goddess Mama Pallay (pal-lay), so losing him put the whole town in a bit of a tizzy. It wasn't said outloud that Emmett had to take his place but it certainly was implied, he just wasn't ready to take it up yet. Maybe someday, just not now.

Cue Marasmus, a little mushroom on the hillside that was plucked and sold at the farmers market, where Jazmin picked him up and served him to Emmett for dinner. She didn't know what would happen next, she really didn't and she's gonna seem like a bad guy but she isn't. Emmett ate this mushroom and it began to eat him alive, putting Emmett to sleep and walking and talking in his place until Emmett was barely conscious for months at a time.

Then one night at a congregation Emmett was about to feed a mushroom to his brother and it Woke Him Up, he wasn't asleep inside his body anymore. And he ran, he went home and packed his things as fast as he could only for his mom to block his way. And she knew that voice in his head, Marasmus, by name, begged Emmett to stay. Emmett escaped her grasped and ran away from home as far as he could, all while this voice in his head is yelling at him to turn back.

And he's been running ever since, while this awful thing possessing him tears him down and tells him he should feed people mushrooms that he doesn't understand the purpose of. He's done some dangerous things to get rid of this thing but nothing works, it always brings him back to life with more and more rot every time. So now he's a Pact of the Undead Warlock and hates every second of it

Then comes Yulissa, this lovely 6'6 deer firbolg who is so sweet to him. They run an errand together where she accidentally gets dunked into the ocean and Emmett offers her his gloves and she's immediately like. Oh. This man is so sweet. I think I'm a little in love with him. and Emmett (and me) is completely oblivious to this until later on he divulges some of his story and Yulissa promises she's here for him, he's not alone anymore, and he instantly falls in love against his better judgement. he has nothing he can give to her but she doesn't ask for anything other than to like her, not even love her just tolerate her and he can't help being head over heels for her

And now it turns out Yulissa is supposed to be a human sacrifice and over his already dead body will that happen, he's gone from so woe-is-me to I need to save her and I'll do anything it takes to get there, we will get our happy ending, I need her to see her worth just as she sees the worth in me. also they are purple and yellow bc i love complementary couples so much and they just AUGH

like he's basically a shambling corpse thats slowly rotting away and this person sees him and says 'I'm going to protect you, you've been through enough, let me help you' when all he's heard in his ear is consume consume consume i'm. i'm crazy about them. i could go on and on and on and i sure have i'm just having such a fun time with them. and it helps that the friend i'm playing in the space with is so fun and always has such brilliant ideas about them and we're just circling each other around this sweet little ship that could and i'm just having blast ok post over

[nightgarla]

// vent :/ about my current state of mind bc its bothering me so much and i keep monologuing about it instead of sleeping

ik i never talk to anyone on here so no ones rly gonna care that much but i just need to communicate what im thinking to anyone so i can sleep

but yea im currently in a crazy possibly covid worsened episode which is why all my art is old stuff i already scheduled, and i fucking HATE IT HERE !!!!!!!

i havent talked to my one (1) friend in days and from the stray notifications i catch hes getting frustrated and i hate it bc i feel rly bad and i wanna talk to him but i just CANT !!!!!!! like i literally dont have the energy for any form of socialization and its not like i just dont wanna talk to him its literally i csnt talk to anyone rn or i will cry and or pass out it sucks

and whats worse is i cant wven like justify or explain being gone bc when i have episodes like this my brain is just in a constant i hate talking i hate all people i hate having friends i hate my friends state which is NOT TRUE i love people i love having friends but i just get so tired and i dont know why bc no one else seems to struggle like that and idk how to like communicate that to someone without upsetting them :(

and it sucks cuz i don even have a therapist anymore bc NOT A SINGLE ONE gave me like a piece of paper or something so i could talk and the last we heard from bup was they "put me in the queue" for a neuropsych eval, all i have now is the bald commune man that brings us french bread everh other week but hes more a driver and occasional infodump bin than anything (no offense ily torbjörn <3)

i also got artblock again so i cant even make myself feel better by drawing little guys :((((