#but i get the idea that he doesnt know either
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If I were writing it, Sky would’ve died the same but she would’ve said “No you won’t. Viktor would’ve.” When she died instead, symbolizing that she sees the change from Viktor to Machine Herald, and it makes more sense that way bc we’ve SEEN Viktor care about her. Whether you ship them or not, he wanted to abandon hextech because of what happened to her. She was there for him, he cared for her, he even (canon) got her her job as his assistant, to get her out of the Undercity.
Jayce and Viktor still would’ve had their scene. I’m not a huge jayvik shipper, but I’m not an idiot and I see that they loved each other. Going off league lore (I’m a league player 💔) I don’t think killing them both off was necessarily a good idea. Jayce would’ve tried to sacrifice himself and die with him but Viktor would’ve stopped him at the last minute, citing “you’re too valuable for Piltover to lose.”
When he got back, injured I’m sure, dealing with his disabled leg (a BEAUTIFUL mirror to Viktor btw, however you see them), Mel would’ve been there. Idk why people are saying they broke up bc they had a mild disagreement when he accused her of manipulation (WHICH HE APOLOGIZES FOR???), and they would’ve embraced as he mourned. He would’ve said “I loved him, Mel.” And she would’ve told him that she knows, and held him. This doesn’t erase their romance either, nor was Jayce “cheating” as people are trying to say. Jayce and Viktor having a tragic love that didn’t work out DOESNT mean that he cheated on, or loved Mel any less.
#long thoughts but#it’s worth it#arcane#arcane league of legends#league of legends#arcane netflix#mel medarda#jayce talis#arcane mel#meljay#mel x jayce#jayce x mel#jayvik#jayce x viktor#skyvik#sky x viktor#sky young#arcane viktor#the machine herald#arcane spoilers#arcane headcanons#arcane series#arcane s2 act 3#arcane finale#arcane series finale#arcane finale spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers
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Guess who’s back back again
Does Killer is gay?
jk he has a bunch of pride pins i think . like a whole lot . collects them killer belongs to rahafwabas
#like a magpie#just hoards them#they’re all on the inside of his jacket#he clanks when he walks#CLINKCLANKCLINKCLANKCLANK#<- my impression of him#badly drawn utmv#killer!sans#killer sans#utmv#undertale au#undertale#undertale multiverse#im super bad at hcing character attractions so i don’t know what flags he’d have specifically#but i get the idea that he doesnt know either#”official bad sans gang flag !!1!”#and its the trans flag.#-mod kip#🦑
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Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff The Avengers (2012)
matching each others freak
#marveledit#dailymarvelgifs#steverogersedit#blackwidowedit#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#black widow#captain america#the avengers#my gifs#another one baby#this came along a lot easier and faster#helps that it was all one scene so i could do basically the same coloring and stuff#anyways i love this scene it makes me fucking crazy#i love these two im so sad about what happened to them individually but also as a duo#they barely know each other at this point in the avengers but steve totally goes with her completely bonkers idea to hitch a ride on one#of the aliens?? like shes out of her mind#shes not enhanced or anything either the way steve is like yeah shes a badass and very capable but shes also very much human#but he doesnt argue with her at all he sees her throughline and is like well she wouldnt suggest it if she couldnt pull it off#and his like.... awestruck look as she zooms away...... i know he thinks shes so cool#i just love them i love nat and steve as friends i love their dynamic#i dont ship them romantically but like. i do get it
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[ID: a doodle of old, Commission-era Five lounging in a bathtub with cucumbers over his eyes and a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. He has several scars, including one that starts at his collarbones and goes all the way down his torso. End ID.]
i missed old five this season so bad. where was he!!! Where was my old man!!! I took it upon myself to answer with "in the bath, chilling" because he deserves it. old five people, you're welcome
#tua#the umbrella academy#im not tagging this spoilers im sorry i know i talked about season 4 in the caption#five hargreeves#my art#whats the courtesy tag#partial nudty#?????#idk man#another thing that i need to do because we didnt get it in s4 either is a five fight scene animatic#i made a promise to myself that i would make one if we didnt get a five fight scene AGAIN this season#and lo and behold...#like yall are you joking thats half the damn show now that he doesnt kill people!!#anyway i have no idea the what or the why or the where or when so if people have any suggestions im all ears#i just dont want the last time i watch five kill people to be the commission board from FOUR YEARS AGO
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veilguard spoilers regarding a josie romance. but can we talk about the letter josie sends to a romanced inquisitor because. i’m sorry. fucking losing my mind at the fact that the inquisitor and josephine are close enough friends with the guy the inquisitor duels in her romance to be invited to meet his third child. implying they’ve been invited to the other two. at a baby shower and getting introduced as the one who dueled the baby’s father because he was trying to steal your girl. antivan romances insane.
NO LITERALLLYYYYY. AND HE’S AN IN LAW. ITS TOO FUNNY. i cannot imagine how they met and how yvette probably was like “teehee…. the man that my sister spurned…. has fallen in love with ME!” and the best/worst part is that ortranto really has. i like to think of them running around with each other and secretly meeting as though their families actually hate each other (they really don’t lol) . the ortrantos would probably be delighted to have their son actually marry a montilyet like they wanted, even better that they’re actually in love and it’s not arranged!
i have this image of josie going like “you can’t marry him. is this a joke, because it’s not funny. i almost embarrassed him! the only reason the ortrantos do not hate us is because he is a very kind man who saw that i was in love with the inquisitor! ….yes i suppose a very kind man like that could love you…….. yes of course i want you to be happy…… yvette gabrielle montilyet, i fear you are not hearing what i’m saying— DON’T SAY YOU ARE ALREADY AN ORTRANTO. DID YOU ELOPE? ah okay. don’t do that. i said don’t do that. yvette come back and listen to me” etc etc
of course i must believe that there was a big scene caused (once again) by a montilyet and ortranto that ends with lord ortranto making a speech where the publicly declares his love for yvette in front of all of antiva city to see and hear. so there’s no backing out from this one. in my mind there’s a rehash of the big “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” (ortranto, desperate but genuine), “you do?” (completely aghast josie who has somehow missed the fact her sister has been giggling even more than usual), plus an “OF COURSE HE DOES!” (a thrilled yvette) that reminds josie so fondly of her own love story that she's immediately relaxed (and suddenly accepting) about this whole thing <3
#josie to me also feels more awkward than she lets on because she's quite good at being graceful and kind#but he is kind of. you know. the guy she rejected in front of val royeaux#i think the most out of character thing is that josie doesnt notice her sister and ortranto meeting up and falling in love etc#but i also think she can be busy enough being an ambassador/running the family business/eldest daughter#that she somehow misses it. for the sake of this beautiful idea i have. and also it would be cute and funny <3#also like the image of yvette saying ‘i’m getting married to adorno!’ and inq is like yeah ok :] congrats!#later asks josie like ‘oh yeah. who was the guy ur sister is marrying’ and josie pauses thinking abt how to say this LOL#this is also how trev finds out ortranto’s first name is adorno. nearly dies laughing over the whole situation i think#he really is like a footnote in her mind where she's like ':/ guy who almost married my beautiful wife' and then almost#without any issue she's able to go like 'GUY WHO IS MY IN LAW. AND WAS REALLY GRACIOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE ARRANGED MARRIAGE THING.#HE'S QUTE COOL ACTUALLY!' <- and has no issue about ortranto after this#much to josie's amusement and exasperation <3#josephine montilyet#adorno ortranto#yvette montilyet#not to mention josie's unseen brothers. they do intrigue me#the idea of either of them kind of finding out their youngest sister is running around with ortranto they probably sighed in relief like#yeah we can distract josephine with this. that will get her off my back about marriage for about a year.#even more if theyre planning the wedding!#evelyn trevelyan#<- mentioned briefly. i guess#veilguard spoilers#for a codex entry but when i saw it i did melt. everyone deserves to experience this firsthand#long post
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.
And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#it’s like 4 am and I’m having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but it’s always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leo’s depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasn’t on purpose but damn if it doesn’t help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I don’t super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boys’ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails aren’t really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsu’s dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? but…you’re not colorful……#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leo’s chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and there’s no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo how’s the weather down there#and Leo’s all like good *sits down* why don’t you join me :)#Donnie: …*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it ‘making use of his species’s advantages’#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so it’s very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raph’s size makes a LOT of sense
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taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii mephone4#dare i maintag this. watever#like taco haters r obsessed with the idea that taco is ruining herself worse and dragging everyone down with her#when shes literally just doing the challenge mephone created and even changes her intentions on hosting the challenge partway through#bc shes REALIZING how badly everyones been affected by the show just as she was#and she uses the attention she now has and urges them to leave and escape because she doesnt want anyone to end up like her#she believes shes past saving Yes#but thats exactly why shes trying to help the others avoid getting to the extent shes gone#meanwhile even when getting his wrongdoings slapped in his face mephone doubles down bc thats all he knows#thats all he feels safe with. he cant let himself trust and be vulnerable and its ruining his life and all his relationships along with him#it says SO MUCH about both mephones and tacos arcs that MEPAD. the one whos been inseparable to mephone from the Start#is seeing more hope of improvement in TACO than mephone#taco the infamous villain to everyone since s1. since before mepad was ever conscious#if anything mephone is the one ruining himself in denial and hurting others in the process#and im not saying that to vilify mephone either !!!! before you 0 nuance bitches come in#if it wasnt obvious from my entire page i LOVE mephone and i LOVE where theyre taking his character. make that man Worse ❤️#but i feel like so many ppl are just projecting mephones arc onto taco bc they dont wanna admit mephone has Issues
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merlin being forced to confront the fact that he’s failing his people bc he’s sitting idly by while uther slaughters them all and coming to the decision that he has to act to save them but that’ll make him camelot enemy no. 1 but technically he already was they just didn’t know it. merlin spending a week all morose but unwilling to talk about it and spending as much time with his friends as possible. on his last night in camelot, he goes to arthur’s chambers and the prince is confused on why he’s there. merlin drops a sealed letter on his desk before pulling arthur into a gentle and emotional kiss. they barely separate, their lips hardly a breath apart, and merlin asks for forgiveness. arthur, thinking he’s apologizing for the kiss, tells him there’s nothing to forgive and goes in for a second kiss but merlin pulls away, knowing that that one brief kiss was all he could handle. if he lets arthur kiss him the way he’s dreamt of being kissed, he won’t be able to do what he needs to do, he won’t be able to leave. merlin tells him good night and leaves before arthur can react. he’s gone by dawn.
#arthur spends a long time storming thru the castle searching for him before returning to his chambers and reading the letter#the letter which outlines that merlin was resigning from his service and leaving camelot#arthur is enraged#merlin is still gone#gaius either wont tell him where merlin is or truly doesnt know#arthur mopes for weeeeeeeeks#then reports start sprouting up of a mysterious person traveling around the land and protecting druids from raids#and intervening when villages/towns attempt to execute sorcerers#uther sends arthur out to find this person and bring them to justice and arthur frankly couldnt care less about them#but it gives him the opportunity to go out and search for merlin so he jumps at the opportunity#he and his men eventually track more and more recent sightings of the cloaked figure to a town on the border of camelot and mercia#they chase the figure thru the streets until arthur corners them and flatly recites their charges of crimes against camelot#and orders them to return to camelot to be tried#the figure hesitates then sighs and turns around#arthurs sword droops to point at the ground as he takes in merlins slightly guilty face#‘i can’t do that arthur’#arthur is hurt from merlin sudden absence that he didnt even have the decency to warn him about#but now hes double hurt bc the reports of the mysterious person included them weilding magic#so now he also knows that merlins been lying about that as well and his hurt quickly turns to anger bc thats all he knows#he raises his sword despite knowing that he wont be able to bring it down on him. merlin smiles sympathetically as if he also knows.#merlin gets away and arthur returns to camelot only to be sent out again and again to kill merlin#friends to enemies to lovers#yippeeeee#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#fanfiction#fanfic#fic idea
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okay its no secret i dont buy into marazhai being the persona he puts on. so as i've officially met him in game now, im making a list of all the in-game reasons i think he's a bit of an idiot [which i love btw. i find him far more compelling if he's a bit stupid/weird and he's trying so hard not to be but you just know nobody in commorragh is inviting him to parties]
the very first time you get a glance of him on a rooftop and. 'deal with this' "of course" proceeds to just walk off like 3 seconds after the other two
ambushes you. has you cornered. is in optimal position to kick your ass frankly, high ground and better weapons and utilising shock against you. ...he bitches at you for a while, gets insulted, then runs off into the forest with a maniacal cackle
heinrix fired a mild insult [considering what he's like to everyone else its barely an insult] and he took big enough issue with it to start saying how he'll break him and turn him into a pet. oh sure dude you're responding super well to this mild comment from the guy who accidentally insults everyone and their entire ancestral line at some point
i think it says something that he's learned to speak your language fluently too. that Has to be some kind of Yikes moment to admit publicly in drukhari culture. buried family secret great great grandfather drukhari-georg learned to speak mon keigh and now we claim he just spoke oddly because was shot in the head as a child to prevent the shame
he also knows the mon keigh lore that says youre a super special little guy as rogue trader and actually LISTENS to the fact you're the special little guy as rogue trader. and he does treat you as more equal/with more respect than the other characters. thats not just a drukhari culture yikes thats what gets you checked for a concussion or brain damage
literally socially atrocious enough its believed he's working with you [read: with you. not using you, not manipulating, cooperating. this is a big difference i feel] and only he himself doesnt believe it
ignore the fact he eventually DOES work with you which. is its own follow up statement
challenges you to fight him, to give chase then and there. i made him wait while i went through english government simulator where i queued for multiple days, did multiple day/week voidship trips back and forth, got distracted by accidentally starting jae's romance, pasqal telling me to servitorise her, getting blackout drunk with her, shipwide broadcast tm, giving her a voidship, her getting me a space cat, attacked by pirates, dealt with a plague, explored a few extra systems.......................
he destroys your palace. ...its rebuilt effectively within a week. most of the damage is in bodies which are just sent to the poor district to rot [almost feels worse than the damage done good job imperium]
the throne has claw marks. he could've blown it up or shot it or piled corpses on it but no he wanted to sit on the fancy chair and so turned into a common housecat mauling the sofa arm
how long was he just sitting there lounging on that chair? again see how long i kept him waiting. he was just sitting there trying to find a comfy position on this [for him] kinda small chair JUST so he could briefly taunt, break your window with his space motorbike, jump off the chair in a dramatic [but not gunna lie not that impressive] feat of gymnastics, then fly out. he doesnt even shoot at you as he leaves
i will continue my list as i see more that entertain me
#warhammer rogue trader#rogue trader marazhai#marazhai rogue trader#marazhai aezyrraesh#dont listen to how he tries to portray himself hes LAME and i thoroughly enjoy that about him#like. marazhai is a social outcast on so many levels and he is trying SO hard to compensate. it makes him incredibly interesting#ive seen some stuff of him later on but not all that much so im really curious how it'll go/how well i've grasped him#my current thoughts on him? he's just. fundamentally someone who desperately wants to be understood#but in all his long life he's never found it. and commorragh isnt a place for weakness like that. so he acts over it#he pretends to be some great evil mastermind with a lot of flair which is Intentional. because he doesnt know how to act like other drukhar#so concealing that is the best he's got. he doesnt realise the yawning gaps that show it for what it is and bring distain on him anyway#drukhari hate him because he's not like them. he's odd and dramatic and takes things to heart when he shouldnt but dismisses things he shou#he's tolerated for his blood connections and how it killing him could be an invitation for feud. he's also easy to get out of the way#send him to go chat to some mon keigh he'll be so fixated on setting the stage for the meeting he'll miss the important stuff#humans hate him bc he's drukhari. they believe the way he portrays himself because it fits propaganda#hell he may've even learned how to act drukhari from human stories. it'd fit tbh. ....i want to think more on this now#either way he loses. and tbh thats why i do like the idea of him with pasqal. theyre both freaks and social outcasts despite their ranks#robot rambles
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Another unhinged buddie fic idea - amnesia Eddie at his best and dumbest
So Eddie gets hurt, hits his head, is unconscious for like two weeks and when he finally wakes up, he thinks it's 2018, he's almost finishing fire academy and his parents are still saying he should let them take Chris away permanently.
To say he panics is an understatement — his muscles are weak after the lack of stimuli but he still puts a fight with the nurse that's trying to take his blood pressure.
He keeps on asking about where he is and where is Chris, only gets a you're in Cedars Sinai MC in Los Angeles and doesn't take for answer anything that tells him to stay still or to be careful with the IV, until the nurse says, "Your partner is right outside, I'm sure he's arranged something for your son."
He freezes. "My partner? I don't have a partner. Who is taking care of my kid?"
The nurse's face changes and there are suddenly more and more questions about what he remembers last, what year he thinks is, and does he remember his partner's name. He tells her - he fell asleep in his bed, 2018, he doesn't have a partner because he's been separated from his wife for a few years now.
Apparently, the year is 2023, he was on a call with his fire crew and got hurt, his partner is definitely his partner because he's his power of attorney, next of kin, and has been taking care of his kid.
So the nurse leaves to talk to the doctor and his partner who is still outside, with said doctor.
(Eddie doesn't know that but the nurse was either absolutely sure this is what Buck is because there are assumptions and there are legal medical documents or she is sure this is the mythical firefighters' bond and they're just very close work partners - your pick. Either way, Eddie thinks she means romantic life partner.)
Meanwhile, Eddie goes through all stages of grief because his apparent partner he acquired in the past five years is a he and apparently such a sure thing he's in all of Eddie's medical documents.
A guy. What kind of a guy he would have to be for Eddie to choose him as his partner?
Then the nurse comes back with a very tall, very handsome guy built like a brick wall but also making a face that makes him look like an eager but sad golden retriever and—
Oh. That explains some stuff. If just looking at him makes Eddie feel like it, then he can't even phantom what being with him feels like.
The guy stops mid-room, not going for a hug like Eddie expected him to. "Heard you don't remember me."
And he sounds so sad that Eddie reaches his hand out and the guy — his partner — is instantly at his side, gripping his hand, and Eddie doesn't let him go until he gets the point and pulls a chair closer and sits with him.
"I don't. So a name would be nice."
"Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck."
And like, Eddie's never been big for pet names but even in this short moment Buck seems so bright he wants to call him mi sol. "I call you Buck?"
Buck chuckles. "Yeah, you call me Buck. Unless you're really serious, then you call me, you call me Evan."
"Evan," he tests out. "Sounds like you're in trouble."
And Buck smiles at him so softly Eddie is melting in that bed, warmth hitting him where he's still holding Buck's hand hostage and traveling up. "Not to me."
Bobby, who is apparently their captain — even though Eddie has a feeling like he's talking to his in-laws again the whole time he is there — brings Chris to the hospital and he's so big, already eleven, and so sassy with Eddie.
He's also very, very familiar with Buck, which calms him down - he talks about the funny sandwich cutters Buck's been using the whole time Eddie was in the hospital to cheer him up and tentatively admits how they slept in the same bed the first week because Chris had nightmares.
And even though his dad landed in the hospital — again, apparently? — Chris seems very, well, very well-adjusted to the situation at hand, even if Eddie can see he's being a bit clingy with both Eddie and Buck. Like the adults in his life are doing a good job at shielding him.
Buck is the one who has all the hard conversations with him, about Shanon, about his parents, about his abuela moving to Texas because of a whole pandemic, about the accident he had at work, and what will happen once he leaves the hospital.
It's really reassuring, that it's Buck telling him all that.
If he had any doubts about Buck being a very, very good and very, very close partner, all of it disappears when they go back home from the hospital.
His whole house has signs of Buck living their best lives in there — there are photos, cookbooks, cooking utensils Eddie doesn't even know the names of, Buck's clothes mixed in his wardrobe, cards from Chris for the both of them. It's very clear Buck is not only a big part of their life but also lives with them full-time, too.
He knows where everything in the kitchen is — "I have a system, Eddie" — and he knows where all Eddie's insurance paperwork is, knows the PINs to his phone, his cards and accounts, he knows all about Chris' medical needs. He knows how Eddie likes his coffee, how Chirs likes his toasts, which shaving cream Eddie likes, which toothbrush is Eddie's, which pair of shoes Eddie's only bought because they were on discount and never worn, which of Christopher's notebooks is the one for math.
He doesn't remember the past five years but he can't imagine not having Buck as his partner. Knowing he is there doesn't make him anxious like he thought it would — it makes him calm, settled.
So he's offended when the first night comes and Buck tries to bring spare blankets onto their couch. He wants him in their bed.
He gets that Buck is trying to give him space since Eddie doesn't really remember all the years they've been together, but that's a bit much. They're partners, and pretty solid ones at that, not just a new couple figuring stuff out, they must have slept together a million times.
So Eddie tells him to go off the couch and sleep in bed with him. It takes some convincing but eventually, Buck agrees. They lie down, Buck is being unnecessarily awkward, turning his back on Eddie in the dark. Eddie is not having this — turns towards him and spoons him, holding him in his arms. He's pretty sure Eddie getting hurt and forgetting five years is stressful on Buck, too, even if he doesn't show it. He deserves the comfort of his partner, even if said partner doesn't remember all of their life together.
It happens again the night after, and the night after that, until Buck stops tensing up whenever Eddie wraps his arms around him.
Because Eddie was unconscious for so long, he still needs PT, and Buck somehow manages to arrange that Eddie's and Chris' PT is at the same time and Buck oscillates between staying with either of them for the duration. There's one time when the receptionist at the therapy center asks him why he comes in so often when he looks fine — she's flirting with him, Eddie knows, which makes him glare at her, and Buck just tells her, "I'm just the chauffer for my boys." And Eddie calms down.
They assessed him at the hospital and he's supposed to have someone's handheld assistance or use a stick or a frame when he walks, until the PT gets his legs to the state from before. Using either the stick or the frame makes him feel like an old man, and the feeling doubles when Buck, the hunk of a man that he is, is nearby, so he refuses to use it when Buck is around. Which ends with Buck helping him around by placing an arm around his back and holding his hand with the other whenever Eddie needs to move.
Which is an absolutely amazing feeling because Buck is both the gentlest of giants, always knowing when Eddie needs reassurance and so freaking fit and big, Eddie can just rest against his chest whenever he feels wobbly or needs comfort from the embarrassment. It's a very contrasting feeling because it makes Eddie want to be held and pecked all over his face and thrown into the wall to make out.
Eddie's physical fitness improves and he misses Buck's touch the second his therapist says he can start moving without assistance.
That's the only problem Eddie has — Buck refuses to touch him. Again, he knows it's a bit weird with Eddie not remembering. At first, he thought it was just Buck giving him the lead on how much he wants them to do but then Buck keeps on ducking out any time Eddie initiates something.
He goes in for a kiss when Buck is drinking coffee and he dodges, standing up before Eddie can try again. Eddie gives Chris a kiss goodbye and goes to give Buck one, where he's standing next to their kid, and Buck skips out the door, telling him he's going to start the AC in the car. He tries to curl up against his side on the couch and Buck gets up with an excuse of making popcorn or tea or anything else possible. When Eddie slips into the shower while Buck is brushing his teeth, he leaves the bathroom with the toothbrush still in hand. Buck pretends to be asleep when he kisses his neck and swats Eddie's hands off when he moves them under his t-shirt when they're spooning, always calls out Eddie in the dark, like he isn't sure Eddie is comprehending what he's doing.
(Buck is pretty sure Eddie is trying to kill him — just make him have a heart attack or something — even if not deliberately. He isn't suspecting a thing about Eddie's partners assumption.)
It's like Eddie has a partner that loves him but without the bits that are funny. Like, he thought life-affirming sex is a thing and he is cleared for physical activity now and still out of work and going stir-crazy.
He doesn't get it and he can't talk about this with Buck because it almost feels like Buck is rejecting him, every time he ducks away from Eddie's affection or doesn't reciprocate it.
"Buck is—He loves me, right? He hasn't stopped after the accident, he's—He finds me attractive, he wants me, right?"
(Hen, sweet Hen, thinks he figured out Buck is in love with him now that he has a bit of an outsider perspective, and mutters, "Oh boy," cursing in her head because it's too early for this conversation. She isn't even suspecting Eddie heard partners once and ran wild with it.)
"I don't see where you're going with this," Hen says diplomatically.
"It's just, he's not doing anything about it," he explains. "It feels like he's barely touching me."
Hen is freaking out because of all times, Eddie had to realize now—"Do you... want him to touch you?"
"Have you seen him?" Eddie asks and then frowns. "Oh, right, playing for a different team."
"You just had a brain injury," she points out, hoping Eddie will find his brain somewhere, actually, and think.
"It's been almost two months, the doctors say I'm fine, memories aside," he says stubbornly.
"Eddie, I don't think Buck is going to make any first moves when you don't remember the past five years you guys—" She needs to change the track because she's saying too much. "Why don't you just talk to him about it?"
"And say what? Please bend me over our kitchen table? Please shower with me? Please give me kisses goodbye? Please hold me at night?"
"You probably should start with something more...tame," Hen suggests.
He's tried tame — he's tried initiating kisses and hugs and Buck doesn't respond. It's like he is afraid to touch him and Eddie isn't made of glass.
He needs to do something drastic.
So at night, he waits for Buck to come to bed, lights dimmed, and when Buck pulls the covers away to slide into bed with him, Eddie is naked — he can't be more blunt, if this flies over Buck's head, he'll be worried.
"Oh my god," Buck keeps on repeating, not looking at Eddie, blindly trying to put the covers over Eddie.
"Oh, come on, I can't be more obvious," he complains. "Why can't you just touch me, Evan?"
He's taking deep breaths, not looking at Eddie at all and this is the opposite of what he aimed for. "You don't want me, Eddie, you don't even know me."
"I definitely want you," he protests, irritated. He knows what he wants, it's Buck who's been missing the signals right and left. "And I know you, you're my partner, my Buck—I know you want this, too."
It's the truth — when he thinks Eddie can't notice, he looks at him like Eddie is everything he could ask for. He wants him to look at him like that now, too. He knows Buck, even if memories aren't there.
"We're not doing anything until you get your memories back and you actually know who I am."
"What if I never get my memories back?"
Buck doesn't reply and for a second Eddie think he got him, but then Buck stands up from the bed and says, "I think I should move out."
"What?" Eddie protests because that's definitely not what he was aiming for. Buck's place is with them, even if things in their relationship are a bit dry or stilled. "And where exactly would you go?"
"I do actually have my own place, you know?"
And how Eddie was supposed to know? He lives with them. He should not have a back-up place to go.
"I think I'm sending you mixed signals and you obviously don't remember enough to interpret them with clarity in your head," he tells Eddie and leaves.
He actually leaves the house, too, no matter how much he's asking to just sit down and listen to him. He spends the night trashing from side to side, expecting Buck to be back any moment but never getting him back.
(Meanwhile, Buck doesn't go to the loft because everything is dusty in there since he's moved into Eddie's place when he had to take care of Chris when he was still unconscious. Instead, he goes to Maddie's and complains to her over a glass of wine, aiming to stay on her couch overnight. "You didn't see him, Maddie, he was just lying there like a starfish, completely naked, going all, now you can touch me all you want—" and Chim wakes up Jee with how hard he drops the pans he was pretending to clean while eavesdropping.)
Buck comes back in the morning to take Chris to school — he doesn't offer Eddie to take him together and they don't talk at all.
Eddie needs to talk to someone about this because he might have somehow ruined the relationship with the man he's pretty sure he'd like to marry one day. By wanting him to touch him, of all things. But everyone is at work.
Pepa is retired, though. The problem is, Eddie isn't about to tell her Buck had threatened to move out because Eddie wanted him to fuck him.
So he asks the more appropriate question, "Why are we not married yet, actually?"
Maybe if they were married, Buck wouldn't have some secret place to escape. Maybe he'd feel like he can touch Eddie because Eddie is his on paper, too.
Pepa gives him a look that says he's crazy. "Who?"
"Buck and I, obviously." Forget crazy, Pepa stares at him like he's insane. "What? Does Buck—not want to get married? Did I say anything about this to you?"
"Mijo," she says, sounding like it pains her to do so. "You and Buck are not—you're not together, Eddie."
Eddie laughs because that's—that's not possible, they're partners, Buck's been taking care of him and Chris since Eddie woke up, and long, long before that even if Eddie doesn't remember it. He's Eddie's power of attorney and next of kin and he's in Eddie's will, he's all but a step away from adopting Chris, knows all of Chris' and Eddie's medical history, their allergies, their likes and dislikes. He's Eddie's partner.
Pepa is not laughing, just looking at him with that pitying expression on her face,
"But—he loves me, he loves Chris, he loves us," he says dumbly.
"Believe me, I know, we all know," she says. "We've tried stirring you in the right way but you're very stubborn, mijo."
#im sorry this probably doesnt make sense#i don't know how this ends#either eddie decides he wants to be partners anyway memories be damned (and then gets his memories back months later)#or he remembers when buck actually moves out and they get together#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 fox#911 abc#buck my beloved (deregatory)#also as a healthcare professional i feel obligated to tell you this is not how amnesia works#fic ideas#op#charlie writes
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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what do we think about pet store workers team xen
#for the pet thing i had a bit ago#neved doesnt work with them hes just a delivery driver for some of their supplies. he mostly helps out with his wifes orphanage#idk if clear kieran and eden are around too or not though im not thinking that hard about it#jenner used to work there too but he quit and works for something at home#hes like a stay at home dad now or something#cassandra is either part of corporate or shes just the evil mayor of gdc still and has no affiliation to them idk#she still has something going on with madelis no matter what though#eli and sharon work part time and ren is like the guy who gets them coffee or something. runs delivery too maybe#regina comes in sometimes too to flirt with nastasia when she can but thats like a side thing and completely unrelated#btw zepto is like a clay figure zetta made and is either alive or just a figure. you decide#sorry i was trying to think of something rejuv related to draw and ended up thinking a little too hard about the pet thing. my bad#pokemon rejuvenation#if you have no idea what im talking about with the pet thing its just rejuv but they have weird looking pets instead of pokemon#and i guess technically a modern au. whatever. melia still has the power of god and anime in her. dont worry about it#zetta isnt a clone though hes just a guy. idk where he comes from but hes jenners son and melias older brother#im not drawing madame x im sorry. but know she really does show up to her store wearing all that and never takes it off. + the uniform#oh and nastasia still just straight up has deoxys. dw about it
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stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir
(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)
But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?
so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me
in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone
and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age
but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind
and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind
(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)
"I just see this place as my home"
so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3
#arknights#asto speaks#not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too#thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like#maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you#it just gets to me. i guess.#jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating*#just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy#but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination#god. what a Character#i love jordi so much like genuinely#i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him#the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy#gently holds#for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server#cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out#and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD#in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro#because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him#and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that#thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*.#this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him#side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore#i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like#i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow#ak#iberiaposting
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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(this went on to be a longer ramble, talking about shrines and the abilities in totk i had more thoughts about the overworld repetition but im putting this into a separate post)
something i havent seen anyone mention before is also that it is a problem that you can skip nearly any puzzle in the totk "temples", some of which just by climbing walls ... and that wasnt possible in botw bc the titans were made of the same material as the shrines and prevented you from climbing on them, which feels like they knew making them climable would reduce the amount of puzzle you had to do and make it even less impactful, surely there are some glitches or movement tech that can make it easier, but at least you had to think about it a little?
but i guess that went against their newly adopted "more freedom equals better" way of thinking .. but then ..
the thing that i find confusing is that the shrines interior in totk are once again, NOT climable, but similar sonau buildings in the overworld ARE climable, they even restrict how you can use the tech in shrines, so ... they arent actually against restrictions? but then dont restrict anything else? not even in the main dungeons?? its kinda inconsistent and conflicting (like everything else lmao)
and that kinda extends to the abilities too, both the ceiling jump and ultrahand make alot of puzzles obsolete bc theres always a way easier way to skip everything; i know they kidna based it around people doing crazy thigns in botw, but there it felt like you were actually kinda missusing the mechanic of stasis for example in a smart way, YOU came up with that and it felt rewarding creating your own solution to shrine puzzles bc there were multiple ways to do it in this engine (like isntead of aligning blocks to lead electritiy to one end to the other you put out your weapons and place them there instead, and it WORKS) it felt more non intended, even if they had thoguht about it, it still FELT like you just came up with that, and sometimes it really was the only way your mind worked with and everyone had their own way of thinking
while in totk, they kinda tried to encourage that way of thinking, but it doesnt feel like your own idea anymore really, and, while its not every single one, in alot of totk shrines .. or even overworld puzzles you were just .. literally given the puzzle pieces for you to put together, but the pieces were like .. in parts of 6 at most so putting together the picture was both obvious and also kinda boring, like you were treated like you are a 4 year old and they were giving you 4 piece puzzles over and over- and fine you CAN just glue the two fans together and stand on them to fly high enough to just glide over to the end instead of building the flying thing they gave you the pieces for BUT its still .. expected, like you dont feel like you are working on it your way but seeing what the devs obviously planned for and then knowingly circumventing it i dont think its good either that in combination with the ceiling jump you really can just skip almost anything, take out a fly thing and fly near the end to spam the jump until it works, instead of using the building blocks they gave you for the obvious solution you build some platform and just ceiling jump to it, theres a rocket here? fuse it to your shield and fly high enough to glide to the end, its both too easy and obvious for the intented way and then you can even entirely skip that too, and you dont even feel smart about it bc it doesnt feel like you came up with it on your own and instead feel like a child that is way too old for the toys its given and the adults giving them to you stare at you while they wait for you to solve the puzzle- and alot of the solutions were either build something with these three pieces or fight something with these pieces-
i still remember that one (or more?) botw shrines were it lead you to a button to press and once you stand on it the wall slides open and reveals some fun and unexpected challenge, over and over- there was a hallway you had to glide through but there were big moving spiky metal balls hanging from the ceiling, maybe one has a normal rope on it and you can shoot it down if you notice it but the others dont so what do you do, stasis them so you can avoid it in time, grab it with magnesis to make it swing harder and then hope for the best as you fly there or dont do anything of that and just jump in- the one were a spiked wall was chasing you and as you run more obstables are put in your way right before you get to it, you stand on a button and the wall opens greeting you with an immediate guardian laser to the face? it felt more creative and fun to me, tho granted i havent done all shrines in totk bc i grew too tired of the everything to play more
(at least thats how i felt like, like i was treated like i was stupid for alot of totk, not just in the shrines sometimes .. which were one of the more enjoyable things in it, but also in the story .. like you dont have to think at all to get everything before its said to your face over and over)
and that thing with the abilities and the tech also makes the world less like a world and more like a playground bc you can just skip to every point of interest, you dont have to walk or climb or fight your way anywhere really bc you can just go up and fly to whereever you want, the new weird ass towers only make it worse bc .. of course youd make use of them to get everywhere even quicker, its also kinda in the combat, they might give you the tools to be creative (with arguably very simple things .. like a wheel, a rocket a fan and flamethrower arent realyl that interesting to begin with) why would you build a laser firing tank maschine to fight some bokblins you can just .. clobber like you usually do way quicker and easier
i do like the abilities in botw more than in totk too, but its got multiple reasons, like the world felt built around it without putting it into your face all the time, and the shrines were more built around giving you fun challenges, or just .. a fun experience, with often more subtle puzzles and not always forcing you to make use of the shiekah stone runes, plus the totk abilities feel more like the same thing .. or less interesting? fuse and ultrahand really are one and the same thing but separated into two for .. some reason, the time reversal is like stasis but with less ways to apply and use it (and kinda clunky how everything freezes in place when you prime it), and both it and the ceiling jump are a skip button from one location to the next (even tho we already have the fast travel) so you dont even need to climb, like those weird towers in the underground i thoguht looked cool and interesting when i first saw them only to realize its just a way to get to the surface via ceiling jump and nothing more .. you could fast travel up with the same amount of loading time, and more often than not it wasnt even in an interesting spot or somewhere you couldnt get to otherwise; the autobuild too even lets you skip building!! the thing thats the supposedly focus! i know its annoying to build something for a long time with its clunky function but isnt it yet another skip button
... another random ramble, much more incoherent too, again i want to mention im not trying to hate on everything, jsut kinda communicate or ... spill out my thoughts and feelings; i do absolutely agree that ultrahand is a very impressive mechanic and i did have fun with all the abilities for a while ..... i still like botws more bc its more diverse and is more restricted (which i LIKE) while also having more ways to use them
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#sorry this got so long again#i DID have fun with totk shrines#but it was also less interesting in alot of them#like the dumb get crystal thing to shrine place where all so boring despite them being so similar to botws ball and pedestal shrines#there were alot more quests around them tho#like the one in kakariko or the guardian obsessed lady#the only crystal quest i remember from totk is the one in taburasa and the guy .. literally just sells it to you doesnt he#funnily enough i encountered that before i even saw one of the crystal shrines so i had no idea what it even was#also do NOT come at me with the argument that its a kids game#you know damn well most fans are adults#also kids arent stupid either#and the older games were arguably harder and more confusing#despite being made for kids too#so whats the hangup now#we can show entire bloody torture dungeons in oot(?) but you dont get a single drop of blood in totk were someone is murdered on screen#whats the use of weapons when people can just one punch the soul out of someone without even making them spit
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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