#but i get the idea that he doesnt know either

[menofprogress]

I saw someone say that Viktor constantly reaching out to Jayce and trying to get him on his side after he initially left him and after Jayce fought, rejected and shot at him makes no sense but i disagree.

Imho jayce and viktor are incredibly, INSANELY codependent, they were each others closest contact for nearly a decade, saw each other every day, single mindedly worked towards the same goal, etc. Their lives immediately take a nosedive once theyre even slightly separated from each other (viktor nearly dies, jayce kills a kid, viktor atomises sky and then nearly kills himself, jayce lands in apocalypse land and viktor starts a cult). They instinctively always act like theyre still partners, even when theyre clearly supposed to be enemies because not being together feels unnatural to them.

Jayce doesnt act consciously when reviving viktor using the hexcore and YES viktor is hurt and distressed bc he was essentially turned into rio and he feels like he needs to leave, but then what? He probably finds out about jayces disappearance a few days later and is like "oh no, oh fuck, i know I left HIM, but i didnt want this" i mean he probably thought jayce was dead.

So for a few months he builds his commune and deliberately integrates sentimental things about his and jayces partnership (his 'home' looks like the hexgates, hes still wearing the blanket, for some reason theres a forge in the commune) which, imho, shows hes mourning and missing jayce in his own way. (A special personal hc of mine is that he grew out his hair out of grief). And in the pit we have jayce sobbing and crying bc he misses both mel and viktor so much.

So jayce reappears and viktors like "heeeyyyy bestie, oh my god, i missed u come visit me!!!" And jayce is rightfully confused like "didnt YOU break up with ME?" and viktor is like "nooo, hahaha, i was crazy back then, just forget about it, pls visit me?" And is only mildly concerned by jayce killing one of his followers (and then hes also mostly concerned about jayce, not salo lol)

Then jayce arrives and shoots him and its very painful bc viktor fully didnt expect jayce to hurt him! Hes so shocked 😭

Anyways after that Viktor "attacks" (more like "does a mating dance for") jayce in the council room and AGAIN asks him to join his emo band and is AGAIN shocked and hurt when jayce genuinely fights back and rejects him. Viktor is temporarily hurt and gives singed the ok to start the process.

And then as the fully transformed herald he STILL talks about how happy he is to see jayce and doesnt really put any effort into neutralising him. Like he could have just shot him hbxhnxgkhfj

All the while we have jayce talking big talk about stopping viktor, but when it comes down to it?? He doesnt manage to take him out and still talks to him. And then he sees Viktor in the astral realm and once there is a SLIVER of hope hes immediately like "oh thank god i can stop trying to kill him, this was never going to work"

All of this isnt contradictory to me. It means that both of them actually know that they should be on opposing sides now, they start acting according to the idea that the other one is now an enemy, they make plans accordingly, but when it comes down to it theyre reluctant to actually follow through bc that would mean a life without the other and thats worse than staying enemies forever.

Viktor kept reaching out, hoping to be partners again after MULTIPLE rejections and jayce couldnt bear to kill viktor or to let him die alone. Being apart from each other is quite literally the worst thing for either of them, so the instinct to reach out to each other will always take over.

[mymoshangthoughts]

oki i know we've all just chosen to accept that beatings are a part of demon mating culture and like, i dont think thats 100% wrong, but also thinking about linguang-jun's reaction to seeing shang qinghua beaten at the ascension incident, im kinda hesitant to fall into it 100%

oki my biggest defense for it being a demon-culture thing is that sha hualing didn't show any disagreement when mobei jun suggested "three beatings a day" in that particularly hilarious conversation, but that's honestly pretty thin. we know that she loves binghe and she never makes any attempt to fight him or to have him fight her. if anything, she strives to avoid it

there's also the possibility that the 'beating' that linguang-jun witnessed the conclusion of was a particularly unromantic one via demon standards. he saw shang qinghua and said "oh you were clearly displeased with him" so mayyybbee there's something to the pattern of bruises that speaks to intent but again, that's pretty thin

so might i suggest, from my humble little insane brain, that rather than beatings being a demon-culture thing, mobei jun is just fucking weird

oki bear with me oki but i rlly like this idea a lot LOL

im not even saying that mobei jun is a sadist (altho def not opposed to that), im saying that my socially awkward icy demon lord just straight up has no good concept of how to get the attention of his intended and this is sincerely his best effort. there's no research, no demon custom, no human custom, it's just mobei jun desperately screaming "look at meeeeeee pleaaassseeee" in his own extremely unique way that fucking no one understands

i would defend that this is likely due to his fucked up childhood and trust issues. like maybe linguang-jun isolated him to such an extent that mobei-jun winds up relatively divorced from his own culture for courting and doesnt even fucking know the first thing about it. maybe he has some twisted history of "look the only time i was shown affection was during martial training, which were basically beatings, so beatings = affection, yeah?" or maybe he's just so stupid and desperate that he has no fucking idea and no real plan, he's just trying to get shang qinghua's attention by any means necessary

i sort of like a mixture of all of the above. like linguang jun was the only person who showed him more typical signs of affection, and that was the prelude to betrayal. so mobei jun doesnt trust those types of affectionate gestures. but when he received martial training, either from his uncle or in one of the handful of times he'd seen his father, it was at least useful. like he can remember getting beaten and know there was an honesty to it. beating him made him stronger, being strong helped him to survive, it was the truest affection he's received in his life. and look, mobei jun hasn't exactly put all of that together all of that in as many words, but the effect is long lasting. and not all of shang qinghua's beatings were out of affection either. ultimately, there's this suspicious as fuck cultivator who's groveling at his feet and mobei-jun isnt exactly keen on humanity to begin with. and with shang qinghua prone to more typical shows of affection, the way his uncle was before the Betrayal? he's not going to be tricked again! he'll beat the human into submission to prove that he's strong and he's not a small defenseless child anymore who can be so ruthlessly abandoned! but then he really does start to develop feelings for shang qinghua and really does want his attention and qinghua simply wont look at him. sure, he'll throw out a million words of groveling and acting pathetic, but what does any of that even fucking mean?! does qinghua only see him as a king? does qinghua even see him as that or is he waiting for a chance to betray him? how can he get shang qinghua's attention? how can he keep him? and so he thinks about his only fond memories of 'affection' and starts the habit of beating qinghua lightly three times a day. it's gotta work. it totally has to work. it MUST be working, bc qinghua just told the demon emperor that acting pathetic is a way of showing affection!!! SO CLEARLY QINGHUA MUST LOOK AT HIM NOW RIGHT?!!? but their relationship just doesnt seem to be progressing and after the qinghua saves him from falling, mobei jun now has a brand new "height of being show affection" memory to cling to but its... very much the opposite of his memories of being beaten. and a whole lot better too. being caught by shang qinghua and protected in that way has his heart thudding every time he remembers it and suddenly beating qinghua has lost its appeal. how can he do something for qinghua that matches that feeling??? because now it feels poultry to offer qinghua mere beatings when those barely even seem enjoyable for qinghua anyway??? and he doesnt particularly enjoy qinghua acting pathetic for him either, even if he knows theres affection behind the gesture, and qinghua always acts extra pathetic during beatings so thats another reason to lay off. so mobei jun is in the middle of contemplating this shit and stops beating qinghua so much when suddenly its time for his ascension ceremony and he drags qinghua there with him and now qinghua is talking about leaving him and mobei jun's heart just about shatters. is it because he laid off on the beatings? is it because qinghua was always planning to betray him, the way he always feared? is it because mobei jun misread this whole thing? in front of his dead fathers door, a man who never gave much of a fuck about him, while anticipating the arrival of his horrible uncle, vulnerable and reminded of every reason he's never trusted traditional shows of intimacy and so he tells qinghua to fuck off, beats him without any affectionate intentions, and greets his uncle in heartbroken misery. but then qinghua COMES BACK WHEN HE NEEDS HIM and he apparently always hated the beatings which is a blow but also now QINGHUA IS LEAVING HIM AGAIN AND THIS IS HELL, MOBEI IS IN HELL RN.

and not to mention, he witnessed linguang-jun beating shang qinghua and suddenly, he doesnt even know why he ever thought beatings were all that affectionate either because this is horrible and he hates it and mobei jun is Not Equipped To Cope With Guilt, it's not something he's been trained in and he is not coping with ANY of this well tbh, not his uncle, not his heartbreak, and he just wants the familiarity of shang qinghua's normal pathetic behavior. something normal. something to ground him. but shang qinghua is not normal right now and he's still planning to LEAVE and mobei jun is all panic, no thoughts. and now shang qinghua is saying shit like "you only beat me cuz i was easy-going and weak" and ow? that hurts? and then shang qinghua is saying he was only ever indulging mobei jun and OW? THAT HURTS?! and mobei jun is prideful and in pain and upset so he's relying on familiar emotions. being angry. being prideful. being haughty. pretending he has any control over this situation. unsure how to act outside of their normal dynamic. unsure how to respond to this very different side of qinghua. but no matter what he says, qinghua is leaving. qinghua pinches his cheeks and insults him and calls him spoiled even when he's seen directly how his own uncle treats him and calls himself his father in front of the room where his father lies dead and yeah, it hurts when qinghua pinches his cheeks. not just the physical pain, but the knowledge that qinghua wants to hurt him. that hurts most of all and it's pathetic but mobei jun's head is swimming with the knowledge that maybe violence was never a good idea between them but what else can he do in this situation? he's completely out of his depth! so he threatens qinghua not to leave and he still LEAVES

so now he's trying to find qinghua and the entire time his mind is a complete mess of emotions because was he wrong all this time and qinghua cannot be gone, thats unacceptable, and what can he offer to make qinghua stay? how can he possibly not lose this person?? and the best he can think of is to let qinghua hurt him in return, let him get his licks in, and maybe that will help

but shang qinghua doesnt hit him when offered and qinghua seems a bit scared of him and for the first time ever that seems kinda fucking awful and mobei jun is out of his depth, but the warmth he feels when shang qinghua wont hit him is really... something. and maybe theres a lot more shows of affection he should be learning, like the feeling when someone could hit you but chooses not to. and look, he's starting from abysmal standards. and yeah, when shang qinghua suggests he cook for him that sounds weird and demeaning and mobei jun instinctively wants to turn it down

but when he thinks about how it might be a way to show affection that they both appreciate, he's really determined to see it through

anyway thats a verrrryyyyy long over-explanation as to why i dont think the beatings are demon culture, i think mobei jun is just a terminally awkward traumatized weirdo who doesnt know how to communicate

[ganondoodle]

i dont know if anyone from not here is awake but .... yesterday i had the idea to perhaps bind the champions 2.0 abilities to the inventory/weapons

(totk rewrite "botw2")

so, for example, yunobos would be tied to a permanent two handed weapon (his signature weapon for example) in your inventory that doesnt break and doesnt need repairing (considering my craft and repair system otherwise) but instead needs recharging to recast the ability somwhat like when the master sword looses its power, but instead it just deals the base or reduced weapons damage (perhaps using the ability function via the throwing mechanic, like the MS swordbeams? or a different way to control it when using that speciffic weapon)

teba/tulins would be either a magic bow or arrow that similarly doesnt break/run out (unsure whether arrow or bow is better)

sidons water shield + heal would be tied to a shield

rijus would be tied to the hookshot, when aiming it thered be a button prompt to switch to send the lightning instead, thought to tie it to this bc i wanted it to be aimable similar to the hookshot and combining them saves you from making yet another aiming system and menu

the idea was that i could also use the tie to a weapon as an explanation for how they give it to you without repeating botw but worse (since in botw they are ghosts of the dead and a spirit knowing how to give an abilitiy tied to their spirit to you is more sensical than your childhood friend that didnt even have an ability at all even after a hundred years time last game suddendly not only mastering one but also somehow knowing how to give it to you within .. 5?) the explanation being that the weapon has been charged with their magic over the course of using it for so long or doing so during the dungeon

(like in yunos case, he was the only one that actually had the ability in botw, he always used a .. stone breaker weapon thing, and he gifts it to you at the end; teba/tulin would discover charging their arrows with magic during it and give you the bow at the end (perhaps them having to pull on the same bow to shoot it during a miniboss fight in the dungeon makes it charged with it); sidon would use your shield to channel his magic in a way to make it useful for you and since hes still new to using it, perhaps he gives you the permanent one at the start of the dungeon bc its the one hes been practising it with and at the end gifts it to you since its charged with it (if you leave the dungeon before beating it hed want it back sicne .. its his practice tool); riju charges your shiekah arm with lighting, like overcharging a device just before it breaks, perhaps discovered accidentally during her dungeon ? so we have a variety and not all work the same ... and overcharging bricks your arm for a short time lol)

the possible downside of this is the menuing, but you dont really have to use all of them all the time (maybe longer cooldown but more powerful anyway just like in botw- also each permanent weapon would be the first in the row) and .. anythign is better than those god awful sage ghost controls of canon totk imo lol

other idea would be that its NOT tied to a specific weapon, but just to the category in general, so when you got a shield out you get an extra button prompt to activate sidons ability (very similar to botws system but giving you the control of activating it or not) BUT that has the issue of lacking the explanation on how they give it to you and the downside of not having anything permanent, and while i like my reworked weapon system, also givign players a permanent thing even if not very powerful sounds kinda right to mitigate those complaints without destroying the system outright

[teecupangel]

Tags from @crispybureau

#yesss all of this YES #them meeting in the madrid facility is SO big brained #especially if others ALSO recognise Desmond as either Ezio or Altaïr or Ratonhnhaké:ton or even other past selves #and cal and moussa look at him like ''just how many of your ancestors were assassins' '#oooh oooh and maybe they were dating and/or fucking when cal killed that guy and got arrested #(have no idea if the timeline would line up but bear with me) #but des has no idea what happened to him and it's right before the templars find him #so des doesnt have TIME to really wonder what happened to cal #so they're not really exes when they get to madrid but mostly because they werent ever really TOGETHER #but also they were sort of together until cal disappeared and des never knows if he just got cold feet or something #BUT by the time of they see each other again theyre both fully aware of the animus and past lives #especially des #who takes one look at cal and says ''aguilar'' and cal has to contend with how des knows that name and recognises him by it #while also dealing with the plot of the movie and learning all this stuff #because at least des grew up an assassin #where was i going with this i had a point to this #fish rambles #teecupangel #desmond #callum #calmund

At least two had direct connections with Ezio in the facility. Lin is the descendant of Shao Jun and Emir is the descendant of Yusuf.

Just imagine Lin and Emir stare at Cal being a pain for both Abstergo and the other prisoners then turn to look at Desmond silently judging his taste.

Desmond just shrugs because Aguilar wouldn’t do this. That means that’s all Cal and Desmond actually feels comforted by that fact.

If anyone asks, they’d be like “he’s not my ex, we… weren’t exactly together?” because both of them will absolutely not admit that there was the beginning of something but they were both cowards who pretended that, nope, there’s nothing there.

Oh, you know what would be fun? If they Cal usually tops and the first time they actually had sex, they’re in the Madrid facility and the first time Desmond tops, it’s in the Madrid facility and BAM

They start bleeding as Aguilar and Ezio and kept banging anyway.

And that is how the two of them ‘realized’ that their ancestors may or may not have been fucked buddies with hidden feelings for each other.

sorry to be one of the seven cal lynch likers but I like to daydream about if him and desmond ever met

They’d bang.

They’d definitely bang.

They’d look at each other’s eyes and go “ah, a fellow daddy issue-r” and bang XD

Okay, but in all seriously, I can imagine Cal being employed as a bouncer in Bad Weather while Desmond was working there. And they’d both try to pretend to not be Assassins. They gravitate towards one another because they could feel a sorta kindred spirit.

But they both would never talk about being Assassins, only being vague like “I left because my father chased me out of the house” and “my mother was killed and they never caught her killer” for Cal and Desmond’s jokingly saying he ran away from his cultists parents.

It’s a ‘sore’ subject that none of them really wished to talk about.

But they definitely grew close and whether they were in a relationship or if they were fuck buddies is up to you.

Cal is actually the one who left and Desmond never knew why.

(It was during this time that Cal actually killed someone and was arrested but no one knew that they should tell Desmond about it)

By the time Cal escaped Abstergo and managed to contact the Assassins, he learns of what happened to Desmond.

And well… Cal definitely wants more information, even if it means getting it from Abstergo.

(If you wanna add a bit of ‘history repeats itself’ deal with this one, Aguilar and Ezio also banged. Maybe once… or twice XD)

[shittyutmv]

Guess who’s back back again

Does Killer is gay?

jk he has a bunch of pride pins i think . like a whole lot . collects them killer belongs to rahafwabas

[mohntilyet]

veilguard spoilers regarding a josie romance. but can we talk about the letter josie sends to a romanced inquisitor because. i’m sorry. fucking losing my mind at the fact that the inquisitor and josephine are close enough friends with the guy the inquisitor duels in her romance to be invited to meet his third child. implying they’ve been invited to the other two. at a baby shower and getting introduced as the one who dueled the baby’s father because he was trying to steal your girl. antivan romances insane.

NO LITERALLLYYYYY. AND HE’S AN IN LAW. ITS TOO FUNNY. i cannot imagine how they met and how yvette probably was like “teehee…. the man that my sister spurned…. has fallen in love with ME!” and the best/worst part is that ortranto really has. i like to think of them running around with each other and secretly meeting as though their families actually hate each other (they really don’t lol) . the ortrantos would probably be delighted to have their son actually marry a montilyet like they wanted, even better that they’re actually in love and it’s not arranged!

i have this image of josie going like “you can’t marry him. is this a joke, because it’s not funny. i almost embarrassed him! the only reason the ortrantos do not hate us is because he is a very kind man who saw that i was in love with the inquisitor! ….yes i suppose a very kind man like that could love you…….. yes of course i want you to be happy…… yvette gabrielle montilyet, i fear you are not hearing what i’m saying— DON’T SAY YOU ARE ALREADY AN ORTRANTO. DID YOU ELOPE? ah okay. don’t do that. i said don’t do that. yvette come back and listen to me” etc etc

of course i must believe that there was a big scene caused (once again) by a montilyet and ortranto that ends with lord ortranto making a speech where the publicly declares his love for yvette in front of all of antiva city to see and hear. so there’s no backing out from this one. in my mind there’s a rehash of the big “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” (ortranto, desperate but genuine), “you do?” (completely aghast josie who has somehow missed the fact her sister has been giggling even more than usual), plus an “OF COURSE HE DOES!” (a thrilled yvette) that reminds josie so fondly of her own love story that she's immediately relaxed (and suddenly accepting) about this whole thing <3

[lefthandarm-man]

Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff The Avengers (2012)

matching each others freak

[non-plutonian-druid]

[ID: a doodle of old, Commission-era Five lounging in a bathtub with cucumbers over his eyes and a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. He has several scars, including one that starts at his collarbones and goes all the way down his torso. End ID.]

i missed old five this season so bad. where was he!!! Where was my old man!!! I took it upon myself to answer with "in the bath, chilling" because he deserves it. old five people, you're welcome

[turtleblogatlast]

One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.

And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.

Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.

(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)

[mephoj]

taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards

[justaz]

merlin being forced to confront the fact that he’s failing his people bc he’s sitting idly by while uther slaughters them all and coming to the decision that he has to act to save them but that’ll make him camelot enemy no. 1 but technically he already was they just didn’t know it. merlin spending a week all morose but unwilling to talk about it and spending as much time with his friends as possible. on his last night in camelot, he goes to arthur’s chambers and the prince is confused on why he’s there. merlin drops a sealed letter on his desk before pulling arthur into a gentle and emotional kiss. they barely separate, their lips hardly a breath apart, and merlin asks for forgiveness. arthur, thinking he’s apologizing for the kiss, tells him there’s nothing to forgive and goes in for a second kiss but merlin pulls away, knowing that that one brief kiss was all he could handle. if he lets arthur kiss him the way he’s dreamt of being kissed, he won’t be able to do what he needs to do, he won’t be able to leave. merlin tells him good night and leaves before arthur can react. he’s gone by dawn.

[neonhellscape]

okay its no secret i dont buy into marazhai being the persona he puts on. so as i've officially met him in game now, im making a list of all the in-game reasons i think he's a bit of an idiot [which i love btw. i find him far more compelling if he's a bit stupid/weird and he's trying so hard not to be but you just know nobody in commorragh is inviting him to parties]

the very first time you get a glance of him on a rooftop and. 'deal with this' "of course" proceeds to just walk off like 3 seconds after the other two

ambushes you. has you cornered. is in optimal position to kick your ass frankly, high ground and better weapons and utilising shock against you. ...he bitches at you for a while, gets insulted, then runs off into the forest with a maniacal cackle

heinrix fired a mild insult [considering what he's like to everyone else its barely an insult] and he took big enough issue with it to start saying how he'll break him and turn him into a pet. oh sure dude you're responding super well to this mild comment from the guy who accidentally insults everyone and their entire ancestral line at some point

i think it says something that he's learned to speak your language fluently too. that Has to be some kind of Yikes moment to admit publicly in drukhari culture. buried family secret great great grandfather drukhari-georg learned to speak mon keigh and now we claim he just spoke oddly because was shot in the head as a child to prevent the shame

he also knows the mon keigh lore that says youre a super special little guy as rogue trader and actually LISTENS to the fact you're the special little guy as rogue trader. and he does treat you as more equal/with more respect than the other characters. thats not just a drukhari culture yikes thats what gets you checked for a concussion or brain damage

literally socially atrocious enough its believed he's working with you [read: with you. not using you, not manipulating, cooperating. this is a big difference i feel] and only he himself doesnt believe it

ignore the fact he eventually DOES work with you which. is its own follow up statement

challenges you to fight him, to give chase then and there. i made him wait while i went through english government simulator where i queued for multiple days, did multiple day/week voidship trips back and forth, got distracted by accidentally starting jae's romance, pasqal telling me to servitorise her, getting blackout drunk with her, shipwide broadcast tm, giving her a voidship, her getting me a space cat, attacked by pirates, dealt with a plague, explored a few extra systems.......................

he destroys your palace. ...its rebuilt effectively within a week. most of the damage is in bodies which are just sent to the poor district to rot [almost feels worse than the damage done good job imperium]

the throne has claw marks. he could've blown it up or shot it or piled corpses on it but no he wanted to sit on the fancy chair and so turned into a common housecat mauling the sofa arm

how long was he just sitting there lounging on that chair? again see how long i kept him waiting. he was just sitting there trying to find a comfy position on this [for him] kinda small chair JUST so he could briefly taunt, break your window with his space motorbike, jump off the chair in a dramatic [but not gunna lie not that impressive] feat of gymnastics, then fly out. he doesnt even shoot at you as he leaves

i will continue my list as i see more that entertain me

[the-ace-with-spades]

Another unhinged buddie fic idea - amnesia Eddie at his best and dumbest

So Eddie gets hurt, hits his head, is unconscious for like two weeks and when he finally wakes up, he thinks it's 2018, he's almost finishing fire academy and his parents are still saying he should let them take Chris away permanently.

To say he panics is an understatement — his muscles are weak after the lack of stimuli but he still puts a fight with the nurse that's trying to take his blood pressure.

He keeps on asking about where he is and where is Chris, only gets a you're in Cedars Sinai MC in Los Angeles and doesn't take for answer anything that tells him to stay still or to be careful with the IV, until the nurse says, "Your partner is right outside, I'm sure he's arranged something for your son."

He freezes. "My partner? I don't have a partner. Who is taking care of my kid?"

The nurse's face changes and there are suddenly more and more questions about what he remembers last, what year he thinks is, and does he remember his partner's name. He tells her - he fell asleep in his bed, 2018, he doesn't have a partner because he's been separated from his wife for a few years now.

Apparently, the year is 2023, he was on a call with his fire crew and got hurt, his partner is definitely his partner because he's his power of attorney, next of kin, and has been taking care of his kid.

So the nurse leaves to talk to the doctor and his partner who is still outside, with said doctor.

(Eddie doesn't know that but the nurse was either absolutely sure this is what Buck is because there are assumptions and there are legal medical documents or she is sure this is the mythical firefighters' bond and they're just very close work partners - your pick. Either way, Eddie thinks she means romantic life partner.)

Meanwhile, Eddie goes through all stages of grief because his apparent partner he acquired in the past five years is a he and apparently such a sure thing he's in all of Eddie's medical documents.

A guy. What kind of a guy he would have to be for Eddie to choose him as his partner?

Then the nurse comes back with a very tall, very handsome guy built like a brick wall but also making a face that makes him look like an eager but sad golden retriever and—

Oh. That explains some stuff. If just looking at him makes Eddie feel like it, then he can't even phantom what being with him feels like.

The guy stops mid-room, not going for a hug like Eddie expected him to. "Heard you don't remember me."

And he sounds so sad that Eddie reaches his hand out and the guy — his partner — is instantly at his side, gripping his hand, and Eddie doesn't let him go until he gets the point and pulls a chair closer and sits with him.

"I don't. So a name would be nice."

"Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck."

And like, Eddie's never been big for pet names but even in this short moment Buck seems so bright he wants to call him mi sol. "I call you Buck?"

Buck chuckles. "Yeah, you call me Buck. Unless you're really serious, then you call me, you call me Evan."

"Evan," he tests out. "Sounds like you're in trouble."

And Buck smiles at him so softly Eddie is melting in that bed, warmth hitting him where he's still holding Buck's hand hostage and traveling up. "Not to me."

Bobby, who is apparently their captain — even though Eddie has a feeling like he's talking to his in-laws again the whole time he is there — brings Chris to the hospital and he's so big, already eleven, and so sassy with Eddie.

He's also very, very familiar with Buck, which calms him down - he talks about the funny sandwich cutters Buck's been using the whole time Eddie was in the hospital to cheer him up and tentatively admits how they slept in the same bed the first week because Chris had nightmares.

And even though his dad landed in the hospital — again, apparently? — Chris seems very, well, very well-adjusted to the situation at hand, even if Eddie can see he's being a bit clingy with both Eddie and Buck. Like the adults in his life are doing a good job at shielding him.

Buck is the one who has all the hard conversations with him, about Shanon, about his parents, about his abuela moving to Texas because of a whole pandemic, about the accident he had at work, and what will happen once he leaves the hospital.

It's really reassuring, that it's Buck telling him all that.

If he had any doubts about Buck being a very, very good and very, very close partner, all of it disappears when they go back home from the hospital.

His whole house has signs of Buck living their best lives in there — there are photos, cookbooks, cooking utensils Eddie doesn't even know the names of, Buck's clothes mixed in his wardrobe, cards from Chris for the both of them. It's very clear Buck is not only a big part of their life but also lives with them full-time, too.

He knows where everything in the kitchen is — "I have a system, Eddie" — and he knows where all Eddie's insurance paperwork is, knows the PINs to his phone, his cards and accounts, he knows all about Chris' medical needs. He knows how Eddie likes his coffee, how Chirs likes his toasts, which shaving cream Eddie likes, which toothbrush is Eddie's, which pair of shoes Eddie's only bought because they were on discount and never worn, which of Christopher's notebooks is the one for math.

He doesn't remember the past five years but he can't imagine not having Buck as his partner. Knowing he is there doesn't make him anxious like he thought it would — it makes him calm, settled.

So he's offended when the first night comes and Buck tries to bring spare blankets onto their couch. He wants him in their bed.

He gets that Buck is trying to give him space since Eddie doesn't really remember all the years they've been together, but that's a bit much. They're partners, and pretty solid ones at that, not just a new couple figuring stuff out, they must have slept together a million times.

So Eddie tells him to go off the couch and sleep in bed with him. It takes some convincing but eventually, Buck agrees. They lie down, Buck is being unnecessarily awkward, turning his back on Eddie in the dark. Eddie is not having this — turns towards him and spoons him, holding him in his arms. He's pretty sure Eddie getting hurt and forgetting five years is stressful on Buck, too, even if he doesn't show it. He deserves the comfort of his partner, even if said partner doesn't remember all of their life together.

It happens again the night after, and the night after that, until Buck stops tensing up whenever Eddie wraps his arms around him.

Because Eddie was unconscious for so long, he still needs PT, and Buck somehow manages to arrange that Eddie's and Chris' PT is at the same time and Buck oscillates between staying with either of them for the duration. There's one time when the receptionist at the therapy center asks him why he comes in so often when he looks fine — she's flirting with him, Eddie knows, which makes him glare at her, and Buck just tells her, "I'm just the chauffer for my boys." And Eddie calms down.

They assessed him at the hospital and he's supposed to have someone's handheld assistance or use a stick or a frame when he walks, until the PT gets his legs to the state from before. Using either the stick or the frame makes him feel like an old man, and the feeling doubles when Buck, the hunk of a man that he is, is nearby, so he refuses to use it when Buck is around. Which ends with Buck helping him around by placing an arm around his back and holding his hand with the other whenever Eddie needs to move.

Which is an absolutely amazing feeling because Buck is both the gentlest of giants, always knowing when Eddie needs reassurance and so freaking fit and big, Eddie can just rest against his chest whenever he feels wobbly or needs comfort from the embarrassment. It's a very contrasting feeling because it makes Eddie want to be held and pecked all over his face and thrown into the wall to make out.

Eddie's physical fitness improves and he misses Buck's touch the second his therapist says he can start moving without assistance.

That's the only problem Eddie has — Buck refuses to touch him. Again, he knows it's a bit weird with Eddie not remembering. At first, he thought it was just Buck giving him the lead on how much he wants them to do but then Buck keeps on ducking out any time Eddie initiates something.

He goes in for a kiss when Buck is drinking coffee and he dodges, standing up before Eddie can try again. Eddie gives Chris a kiss goodbye and goes to give Buck one, where he's standing next to their kid, and Buck skips out the door, telling him he's going to start the AC in the car. He tries to curl up against his side on the couch and Buck gets up with an excuse of making popcorn or tea or anything else possible. When Eddie slips into the shower while Buck is brushing his teeth, he leaves the bathroom with the toothbrush still in hand. Buck pretends to be asleep when he kisses his neck and swats Eddie's hands off when he moves them under his t-shirt when they're spooning, always calls out Eddie in the dark, like he isn't sure Eddie is comprehending what he's doing.

(Buck is pretty sure Eddie is trying to kill him — just make him have a heart attack or something — even if not deliberately. He isn't suspecting a thing about Eddie's partners assumption.)

It's like Eddie has a partner that loves him but without the bits that are funny. Like, he thought life-affirming sex is a thing and he is cleared for physical activity now and still out of work and going stir-crazy.

He doesn't get it and he can't talk about this with Buck because it almost feels like Buck is rejecting him, every time he ducks away from Eddie's affection or doesn't reciprocate it.

"Buck is—He loves me, right? He hasn't stopped after the accident, he's—He finds me attractive, he wants me, right?"

(Hen, sweet Hen, thinks he figured out Buck is in love with him now that he has a bit of an outsider perspective, and mutters, "Oh boy," cursing in her head because it's too early for this conversation. She isn't even suspecting Eddie heard partners once and ran wild with it.)

"I don't see where you're going with this," Hen says diplomatically.

"It's just, he's not doing anything about it," he explains. "It feels like he's barely touching me."

Hen is freaking out because of all times, Eddie had to realize now—"Do you... want him to touch you?"

"Have you seen him?" Eddie asks and then frowns. "Oh, right, playing for a different team."

"You just had a brain injury," she points out, hoping Eddie will find his brain somewhere, actually, and think.

"It's been almost two months, the doctors say I'm fine, memories aside," he says stubbornly.

"Eddie, I don't think Buck is going to make any first moves when you don't remember the past five years you guys—" She needs to change the track because she's saying too much. "Why don't you just talk to him about it?"

"And say what? Please bend me over our kitchen table? Please shower with me? Please give me kisses goodbye? Please hold me at night?"

"You probably should start with something more...tame," Hen suggests.

He's tried tame — he's tried initiating kisses and hugs and Buck doesn't respond. It's like he is afraid to touch him and Eddie isn't made of glass.

He needs to do something drastic.

So at night, he waits for Buck to come to bed, lights dimmed, and when Buck pulls the covers away to slide into bed with him, Eddie is naked — he can't be more blunt, if this flies over Buck's head, he'll be worried.

"Oh my god," Buck keeps on repeating, not looking at Eddie, blindly trying to put the covers over Eddie.

"Oh, come on, I can't be more obvious," he complains. "Why can't you just touch me, Evan?"

He's taking deep breaths, not looking at Eddie at all and this is the opposite of what he aimed for. "You don't want me, Eddie, you don't even know me."

"I definitely want you," he protests, irritated. He knows what he wants, it's Buck who's been missing the signals right and left. "And I know you, you're my partner, my Buck—I know you want this, too."

It's the truth — when he thinks Eddie can't notice, he looks at him like Eddie is everything he could ask for. He wants him to look at him like that now, too. He knows Buck, even if memories aren't there.

"We're not doing anything until you get your memories back and you actually know who I am."

"What if I never get my memories back?"

Buck doesn't reply and for a second Eddie think he got him, but then Buck stands up from the bed and says, "I think I should move out."

"What?" Eddie protests because that's definitely not what he was aiming for. Buck's place is with them, even if things in their relationship are a bit dry or stilled. "And where exactly would you go?"

"I do actually have my own place, you know?"

And how Eddie was supposed to know? He lives with them. He should not have a back-up place to go.

"I think I'm sending you mixed signals and you obviously don't remember enough to interpret them with clarity in your head," he tells Eddie and leaves.

He actually leaves the house, too, no matter how much he's asking to just sit down and listen to him. He spends the night trashing from side to side, expecting Buck to be back any moment but never getting him back.

(Meanwhile, Buck doesn't go to the loft because everything is dusty in there since he's moved into Eddie's place when he had to take care of Chris when he was still unconscious. Instead, he goes to Maddie's and complains to her over a glass of wine, aiming to stay on her couch overnight. "You didn't see him, Maddie, he was just lying there like a starfish, completely naked, going all, now you can touch me all you want—" and Chim wakes up Jee with how hard he drops the pans he was pretending to clean while eavesdropping.)

Buck comes back in the morning to take Chris to school — he doesn't offer Eddie to take him together and they don't talk at all.

Eddie needs to talk to someone about this because he might have somehow ruined the relationship with the man he's pretty sure he'd like to marry one day. By wanting him to touch him, of all things. But everyone is at work.

Pepa is retired, though. The problem is, Eddie isn't about to tell her Buck had threatened to move out because Eddie wanted him to fuck him.

So he asks the more appropriate question, "Why are we not married yet, actually?"

Maybe if they were married, Buck wouldn't have some secret place to escape. Maybe he'd feel like he can touch Eddie because Eddie is his on paper, too.

Pepa gives him a look that says he's crazy. "Who?"

"Buck and I, obviously." Forget crazy, Pepa stares at him like he's insane. "What? Does Buck—not want to get married? Did I say anything about this to you?"

"Mijo," she says, sounding like it pains her to do so. "You and Buck are not—you're not together, Eddie."

Eddie laughs because that's—that's not possible, they're partners, Buck's been taking care of him and Chris since Eddie woke up, and long, long before that even if Eddie doesn't remember it. He's Eddie's power of attorney and next of kin and he's in Eddie's will, he's all but a step away from adopting Chris, knows all of Chris' and Eddie's medical history, their allergies, their likes and dislikes. He's Eddie's partner.

Pepa is not laughing, just looking at him with that pitying expression on her face,

"But—he loves me, he loves Chris, he loves us," he says dumbly.

"Believe me, I know, we all know," she says. "We've tried stirring you in the right way but you're very stubborn, mijo."

[bunnieswithknives]

sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all

My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.

[harvestmoth]

what do we think about pet store workers team xen

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3