#but i genuinely am scared i wont survive

[mrskreideprinz]

i really want to answer asks and talk about my favs but there’s such a big hole in my chest right now i’m sorry

[camilaxmartin]

i need to ramble, so-

AGATHA ALL ALONG EPISODE 4 SPOILERS AHEAD

OKAY LET ME START WITH THE FACT HOW AMAZING THIS EPISODE WAS??? I DONT WANT TO SAY IT IS MY FAVOURITE BUT LIKE- IT MIGHT BE.

THE VIBES THE OUTFITS????

okay okay calm down.

RIO CRAWLING OUT OF THE GROUND AND THEN SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT BEING PULLED DOWN OR UP WAS RAAAAH AMAZING I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS. I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD

THE WHOLE MUSIC BOOT SCENE? GOD. THE WAY RIO CARESSED AGATHA’S THIGH AND HER UNDER STOMACH???? HELP ME LORD

I WAS LITERALLY GOING INSANE STILL AM

OKAY OKAY

THE SCENE WITH THE BALLAD WHEN ALL OF THEM WERE SO INTO SINGING AND EVEN TEEN OH. MY. LORD. I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING AT IT FROM ALL OF THE EMOTIONS CAUSE LORD I FELT IT IN MY VEINS LITERALLY. IT WAS SO POWERFUL I WAS LITERALLY STARING AT THE SCREEN WITH MY MOUTH HANGING OPEN. I LOVED IT. IF I EVER DIE PLAY THIS AND IM GONNA COME BACK TO LIFE I SWEAR.

(i love how alice was so into it at the end and destroyed the curse i LOVE HER)

I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE WAY AGATHA CARES FOR TEEN. I KNOW SHE THINKS ITS NICHOLAS BUT I JUST FIND IT SO SWEET SHES LITERALLY SO RAAAH LIKE???!! I LOVE SOFT AGATHA FOR LIFE SORRY NOT SORRY. THE WAY SHE WAS PUSHING HIM AWAY WHILE THE CURSE WAS FLOATING AROUND THEM??? THE WAY HER VOICE WAS SO SOFT AND UNSTEADY WHEN SHE LITERALLY BEGGED JEN TO DO SOMETHING TO SAVE HIM??? MY GIRL WAS STRESSING AND SO WAS I (i love him more than my life) THE WAY AGATHA SAT AND WAITED WITH HIM ALL THAT TIME FOR HIM TO WAKE UP?? TO MAKE SURE HES OKAY???

IM SO GLAD HES OKAY LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD DIE BUT I WAS STILL STRESSED AND SCARED FOR HIM.

okay now,

THE HUG???? IT FELT SO PERSONAL SO PURE SO FUCKING SAFE SO SOFT SO VULNERABLE. I LOVE MY SILLY LESBIANS OH GOD. THE ALMOST KISS?? I LOVE HOW RIO DIDNT WANT HER TO KISS HER SO SHE WOULDN’T THINK LIKE EVERYTHING IS OKAY WITH NICHOLAS. LIKE IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT FOR HER TO TELL AGATHA IT IS IN FACT NOT HER SON THAN GETTING TO KISS HER ONCE MORE. MY GIRL RIO IS STILL FUCKING SOFT AND GENUINE AND GOD I AM LIVING FOR IT. (i hope we get a kiss by the end of the series but literally it is enough for me even now) I NEED TO TALK MORE ABOUT THAT HUG CAUSE IT LITERALLY GRIPPED MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST STROKED IT AND PUT IT BACK. GOSH IT WAS AMAZING. THE SOFT GESTURES OF AGATHA’S HANDS ON THE BACK OF RIO’S HEAD???? OH IM FUCKING COOKED.

AND I WAS SO STRESSING ABOUT LILIA TOO LIKE I LOVE HER SO MUCH I HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO HER PLEASE I NEED HER TO SURVIVE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. SHES MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WITCH OKAY. I LOVE HER.

TO SUM UP I WAS LITERALLY GRIPPING MY SKIN FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE AND BESIDE THE PREVIOUS ONE I CANT REMEMBER A TIME THAT A SERIES OR A MOVIE DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME (the previous one did it a bit less intensely) I AM LIVING FOR THIS SERIES AND I HOPE ITS GONNA HAVE AN ENDING THAT WONT DESTROY ME EMOTIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WHICH MOST LIKELY WONT HAPPEN CAUSE WE KNOW HOW IT IS WITH MARVEL. 10/10 OBVIOUSLY I WAS STRESSING SWEATING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP. STILL AM.

(i might add something later when i’m gonna need to ramble more/again)

[belovedcherie]

okay this game obviously isnt for the weak um HELP

playing minecraft for the first time in forever and i accidentally threw my pickaxe off a cliff 😋👍🏾

[blade-that-was-broken]

I genuinely dont know how you can make me go insane with literally all your fics.... like how are all of them so good?????? I literally want to bash my head open and scream into the sky so god can hear how much a love your stories

Anyways, I know you already have like a million wips and on-going fics but the Jd and "hallucination" Clay one is amazing and I need more to survive the winter (also anamnestic Jd and half-life, but again, million wips so I wont actually ask u to write more about them bcs actively upgrading all of this should be genuinely inhumane). The point is..... uhm, love your work youre a genius and I want to affectionately eat your work like a wild dog keep writing 😺👍

Not me almost busting into tears and falling flat on my face. Pffftttt that can’t be me. It has been months and several people and I just cannot for the life of me wrap my head around the fact that people really, actually, like my writing.

I know it's fanfic and the characters aren't mine (I'm really sad I can write fanfic but cannot for the life of me work out a plot for my original characters) but it blows my mind! I'm so freaking glad you like it. It makes me so happy ya'll literally have no idea. Warms this lonely friendless soul LOL (no need to bash ur head and scream, God can hear you just fine haha)

I didn't want to have a million wips but I shouldn't be surprised. The list of original characters I have... the wips are pretty on par with me in terms of numbers haha

When my brain allows, I try to write some Clay and JD stuff cause that just ajdshjsbdejw I love (when it’s not them on opposite sides, that’s not my jam) and it’s just….. hmmm yeah.

Things We Lost has amnesiac JD AND Clay xD lol it’s just a one shot but I went through a bit of an amnesia JD phase for a second there.

Divided Frame of Mind has JD and hallucinations - or rather, JD thinking he does. That’s a reunion one shot fic.

And as much as I shriek about John and Spruce in Half Life… John and Clay are just oooooofffff yes. I’m a bit scared to finish a drawing of them but one of these days I’d like to. Or some kind of drawing. Idk.

As for Something to Remember, I had something written up - just a bit - for them meeting up with Bruce but someone suggested something about Bruce and Clay finding out together so I'll probably scrap it. But I also might throw the snippets out here into the internet void, depending on how I feel.

But I love, love, love answering questions so honestly, if you have a question about anything, feel free. If I feel like it's too big of a spoiler - I'll just put warnings and under a reading break. But like for real, I'm an open book.

Thank you so much though. I am so freaking happy that you like my writing. I was friends with an aspiring author for a really long time and I never really thought of myself as much of a writer. We wrote stuff, of course, and eventually I wrote fanfic (started off in Star Wars. It was a hard hitter haha) but I never really considered myself much you know, writer-y so it's truly crazy to me seeing people like my stuff.

[slashafras]

Why I don't think New Vegas was retconned

SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW PROBABLY For a little context; I am only focusing on the New Vegas retconning thing and not everything the show possible retconned or changed, etc. I'm also ignoring the timeline of the NCR being bombed because I think the timeline along with the NCR has been fucked since Todd Howard got his grubby hands on Fallout. I will be assuming that the show does take place 15 years after New Vegas though. (FNV is my favorite video game off all time. I have played through every single ending of FNV multiple times; the Fallout series has been my special interest since I stumbled upon Fallout 2 in 2006.)

All of the endings for FNV hinted at chaos and destruction. The NCR was already stretched too thin. The legion would fall when Caesar inevitably dies. House's Vegas would only allow the richest people to survive. And with the independent route riots break out with no one properly taking control. (Also I don't think I've seen anyone ever talk about how at the end of the wild card route Yes Man upgrades himself to be able to say no??? I feel like with this rouge AI he would possibly take out all the humans??? AI scares me though so this is probably just a personal thing)

While they both suggest/say that in the end Vegas prevailed the show takes place 15 years after FNV. A lot can happen in 15 years, especially with no real order/controlling power.

I feel like this one is self-explanatory to anyone who has fallen on hard times financially, or anyone who lives in a capitalistic society, Vegas stayed as it was at the start, with only the wealthiest wastelanders being allowed in. There's only so long a society can survive while just being one big casino.

Though the slide doesn't say outright that the NCR is stretched too thin to keep a hold on Vegas pretty much every fucking character you talk to in game does- including Caesar.

If Cesar lives he takes Vegas as any other city he's taken over, and that's fine until he dies. even if the brain tumor doesn't come back he wont live forever. When he dies Lanius takes over. Lanius doesn't take Vegas as Caesar took other cities, he destroys it.

So- even if Vegas wasn't bombed by VaultTec/Hank Maclean/whatever I think it would have fallen all on it's own.

If you disagree with me at all or have something to add I genuinely want to hear it. I like hearing other people's opinions and how other people interpret the same information.

If I sounded like an idiot in this please tell me that too, I am so insanely sleep deprived from moving literally all the way across the US.

[blog-of-reaction]

ANTMAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA SPOILERS

More unasked for thoughts on this movie. (Except this time I remember to put it on my thoughts about movie/shows blog instead of my main)

I wish the og? Kang had survived. Like, I’m sure the other Kang’s are cool, but I really liked him as the villain. Also, with Kang being the big and of phase five. (Is it phase 4 or 5? I honestly don’t know.) with him being the big bad though, I can’t help but feel like killing off the Kang that literally all of the other Kang’s were so scared of they banished him to the quantum realm was a mistake. Like, they already (most likely) successfully took down him, how are other Kang’s who aren’t as scary going to feel like much of a threat?

Especially since there will be multiple. Like, I realize the Kang we’ve seen so far could be an outlier, but I’m not so sure they wont be able to be divided against each other. (Then again, them being divided against each other would most likely cause just as much if not more damage then them working together, given the whole monologue at the end of Loki.)

Also, Cassie was great and I love her.

I’m not necessarily an expert on Modok but I liked the what they did with him. Also, the part where Scott asked “Shouldn’t it be Modofk?” was perfect. Ive literally asked myself the same thing ever since he showed up in EMH.

I really liked the family dynamic they had in the movie.

Hope and Scott’s relationship actually had like, some real substance to it this time. Granted, it is very little but their romance is still much more believable than in the previous movies. (Which I mean the bar could not be lower there and it still feels a bit like “what?” but not as much as in the previous movies. Their relationship is mostly like, subtly implied and definitely supported and kind of lifted up via the overall family dynamic everyone had, but it still felt a bit forced at the end. I am slowly coming around to it maybe though? Like, I no longer passively dislike it. Instead I passively accept it.

The side characters were great, fun to see, and I loved them. I actually teared up when torture laser beam for a head guy was killed.

There were a few brilliant scenes that I especially enjoyed or found funny.

First off, like, just put yourself in Scott Lang’s shoes for a minute. All sorts of things weird unbelievable stuff has happened in your life and now you’re in the quantum realm and you lost sight of your daughter after being captured by these strange quantum realm people. And then when he finally sees her, he sees this teenage girl with what looks like blood dripping down her chin and she just cheerily says

“Drink the ooze!”

And then the camera cuts away. Hilarious.

“Those buildings are alive?!”

“What, are yours dead?” said with genuine concern. Beautiful.

The surprise actor for Chidi and pretty much everything when it came to his telepathy.

“How many holes do you?”

*excitedly after being shot a lot* “I HAVE HOLES” and then turning into a vacuum cleaner and just straight up going eldritch something on these guys

Also, Darren’s death. My response to that entire conversation was basically to laugh and ask myself what the fuck? I’m pretty sure Darren said some of that stuff just to mess with Scott but I’m not sure.

I want revenge and im going to kill you and your daughter! “You’re being a dick.” “Yeah but I don’t know what else to do.” “…just stop” great idea, thanks. And immediately doing a 180 and helping your previous sworn enemies.

Also, Kang was great, and a good villain and I was actually like, a bit scared of him. I mean, I still havent seen Wakanda Forever (I know and I hate that about me too) so I can’t comment on Namor and while Killmonger was a good MCU villain Kang is a good villain. And like, those are two very different things. So that was refreshing to see.

Back to Kang I don’t know how the rest of this phase will play out. Like, how will the, for lack of a better term, council of Kang, react and what will they do? Besides maybe destroying the multiverse according to prime Kang. (Speaking of, the Kang in this is just like, a younger version then the one that Sylvie killed in Loki right? It’s never outright stated but it seems pretty clear.)

[cherrywade]

YESSSS!!!! HIIIII!!!! sorry for getting back late, not felt that social today!

that makes sense! i feel like my stranger things special interest comes back in full swing every few years and it’s in that dormant state again. unfortunately. but what can i do!!

that’s totally okay! i get this 100%, i’m a little scared to come off anon anyways so this works out perfectly fine for me ^w^

well. okay. the thing is, my current hyperfixation is a little embarrassing for me to reveal to you… and it would make it very obvious to find me in your followers LOL. i will hide in shame!!! 😅 other things i do like are: music, video games, writing (fanfic, poetry, etc.), other word related stuff (ex: webweaves), movies/tv shows (have admittedly watched more tv shows than movies at this point), and probably other things i can’t quite think of right now! i didn’t list all that much but i am a little foggy in the brain rn :’))

that’s so sweet of you! you’ve been on my mind as well, i just didn’t know what to Exactly say to you lol. but i’m here now!!!!!

glad to hear you’re okay, that’s really nice. i heard your air conditioning is out :((( i hope you’ll be able to survive and such. god knows i cannot get a wink of sleep when it’s hot. sending you cool vibes!

i’ve been having a rough go of it lately but i’m hoping i get a breather soon from bad things happening or my brain convincing me everything’s gone to shit haha. trying to be kind to myself as best i can. pushing through.

thank you for being so kind about stuff <3 it’s genuinely so sweet and cute to see you happy to see me!!! /p it feels nice to be missed even if i am anonymous and a stranger more or less. it’s lovely to be back! i like being here! was just hard to find footing for a bit, you know? anyhow, feels nice to see you again!!!! i’m glad i get to be a little guy who’s around for you💘💞

-🦇 anon

Ooohh i totally get that!!!! Hyperfixations that ebb and flow are a thing for me too!!! Like for me, my mom just took me to the movie IF. VERY CUTE. but ryan reynolds was there so now he's back in my brain living rent free. Which was actually good timing cuz the Wolverine and Deadpool movie will be out soon so i can be extra excited to go see that! 🤣🤣🤣

Oohhh hahhaaha now I'm like 👀👀👀👀👀👀 but no it's totally okay! I wont go looking! But i do like games! Im really only good at like, racing games, pokemon, and the two newest zelda games. I never really played the older ones when i was young. But i adore, botw and totk. I love writing too, really only fanfic and not very often these days but when the inspo hits i like to dabble! Hahaha! And ive seen sooooo many movies and shows so thats probably a good place to start!!! Tho i am bad about watching newer shows... my brain has a "its not the right time yet" thing, for pretty much all media. Very annoying, but I get to things eventually. When the times right! Haha!

Air came back this morning thankfully!!! And i got a few hours of sleep once things cooled down! So sorry your brain is being rude and that possibly also life is being rude!!! I hope things get better! I'll send healing and good vibes your way!!!

Yesss!!! My batty little guy!!! And i totally get it! And absolutely no pressure to send a ton of messages. I 100% know how it feels sometimes to just not be feeling it. Or not knowing what to say. So definitely dont like, push yourself, especially if you're not feeling up to it mentally! I'll be here! No plans on going anywhere else!!! Just send stuff when and if you feel up to it! And I'll be happy to see you when you swing by!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[fixinglifeblog]

Jan 19 2023

I still have not fixed my life

Called Employment Insurance. I was crying on the phone for no reason. I do not know if I will be able to survive working again.

I need to make steps to make myself better

But why am I crying? Not now, but on the phone with the insurance agent. Is there a reason, am I traumatized by things I should do? Or was that just me acting in front of another person for pity? I need to know because I am scared of going back to work if I will just cry everyday out again. I am happy not doing anything but this is not sustainable.

I need help, but who do I call? Should I call my doctor again? I should call a counselor, right? 

Could this be googled? I dont want to pay though.

There is something wrong with me obviously. This is not normal. Last year, I was crying because I was stressed, but in this call right now, I was just genuinely crying even if I was ok just a while ago. It was something I needed to do, so I was scared? I did not want to do it? I was asking for pity? What was that? None of these things capture what I felt. These are not the reasons. So what was that? Does that mean I cannot work anymore? 

Lord, please help me. The Lord already helped me, He gave me the strength to call. Now, I feel happy that I made that call.

I promised the Lord that I will never ask for death again. I will not ask for death again. That is the easiest promise I can keep, so far, because I have avoided all stressful situations. But when I go back to work, will life still be bearable?

This is being lost. This is not knowing where to go. Although I still live a very comfortable life. The Lord is still helping me, right?

Papa Jesus, please show me where to go. I really do not know. I have ideas of how to fix my life, but I am scared that it will just lead me back to my life before, which was a great life, but still, I do not want to go back? I, I, I. I am still selfish and self centered, right? I do not know how to be better. When I look at the future, I still want to be rich and successful, even if I know that it will be an empty life. This earth, may not just be for me. But I am here. I need to be here.

Papa Jesus. What is an ideal life? I long to be a hermit? I want that life of the boat man in Siddharta. But can I actually live without running water? Can I sleep on a wet bed? Will these questions ever lead to an answer? Death. But I promised I wont long for it.

I need to want something. I do want things. I want success and I want to be good. But to what end? All life look the same. Kim Eun Sook’s life, do I want that? I have to look forward to white hair and being alone.

It will just snowball. Put in some good effort in the beginning and it will just snowball to good things. Is that the conclusion? At this juncture, I am sleepy.

Someone, please read this, and advise me. Or Papa Jesus, do you want to send me a message? I know you always talk to me and I always ignore you. Do I really have to work for the comfort I ask for? Yes, because everything had been readily given to you and you did not appreciate them because you felt you did not work for them. So here it is, the opportunity to work for things you want. Haha. This is just going around in circles.

So I put out this letter. Hoping someone would find it. And then what? That someone should be a counselor and tell me exactly what is up with my nonstop crying? Maybe, right?

This is long and nonsensical, why would a counselor read this.

But I have to put it out, and tag it well.

It would be sad to die in this state. There is only one life. When I pass away, the chance is gone. This is me maturing? This is me appreciating life, finally? There is growth even in my most stagnant period? Life. I do not want to die in this state. This is good, this is progress.

Papa Jesus. I do not know where to go.

[lemonadeskyy]

End of 2022

It’s been a long year, but a good year. A lot has happened, a lot that I am great full for. My toddler turned 4 this year, she’s growing into quite the independent little person. Always testing her luck and pushing our buttons. My husband and I both turned 30 this year, we were born a month apart. In the native way we call each other husband and wife because we live together and have children. We spend all of our time together and function as husband and wife, but according to white man law we are common-law, either way, whatever you want to call it, we call it family. My oldest daughter, who lives in another province with her bio-dad has turned 8 this year. It’s crazy to think that in 10 years I will have an 18 year old daughter. It really makes me realize how short life really is. I miss her every day, and I can only pray and hope she’s living a good and happy life.

Cameron and I are also expecting a new baby in 2023, so far his or her due date is June! We are all very excited. I don’t know about Cameron but I am also very nervous. Although I have been taking my all my medication and doing what I can to make sure this pregnancy goes smoothly, and we don’t have a scare like I did with Aerith. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 33 weeks and because it was so dangerous I had to have Aerith 7 weeks early by c-section. Of course she is healthy now, obviously. But I am so happy and honestly, lucky that she survived, she was so tiny at birth. So this time around I am doing all I can to keep this baby in my belly healthy.

I went to Calgary for three weeks with Aubrey and for a wedding. It was hectic, but it was fun. It was amazing to be able to spend time with family for a little bit. It was a good break before getting back to reality and realizing I wont be going back for awhile due to this pregnancy. Which is totally fine with me, I’m genuinely enjoying my life and the family we have built together out on the island so far from home. Honestly family can easily fly to us or drive to us as well, so if they really wanted to come visit they could.

I’ve been in therapy since February as well. Friday was my last session of the year. I got a whole hour and 20 minutes which was a blessing. I am going through a lot mentally and emotionally, but honestly therapy works wonders if you let it. I am also very glad that I have a therapist who suits and vibes with me, I honestly got lucky finding her on my first attempt.

So those are the highlights of this year that I can think of right now. I have serious pregnancy brain though, so I’m kind of derp right now. I will mostly likely be writing another entry soon.

Thank you for reading <3

[rek1s-headband]

hi could i request something? basically just HCS about langa and reki when you guy get into a fight or sum idk LMFAOO, you dont have to do this if you dont want to tho <3

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy. I added a few characters, hope you don’t mind:)

➯ When you guys get into a fight

➯ Characters: Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Kaoru Sakurashiki, Kojiro Nanjou, Hiromi Higa and Miya Chinen x gn reader

➯ Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff

Langa:

Ok the majority of your fights are generally because of a miscommunication. If things aren’t spelled out for the poor boy, he’ll be completely oblivious to what’s bothering you

When you finally snap, he always seems shocked, asking why you hadn’t said anything sooner, even if you’d been trying to hint at it all week

Not really one to shout, but if things get heated enough he might snap. He always feels awful afterwards though. No matter what, he really believes no one should be screamed at because of something as silly as a disagreement

Rarely storms out, he’s always going to try and stay until the end to try and get something, anything out of you that he can use to try and understand your point of view

Understands space. He knows when you dont feel like talking to him, and he will give you that time to collect your thoughts. When you’re ready to speak again, he’s all ears

Gets overwhelmed really easy. It doesnt really show in what he says, but when you raise your voice his brain goes to putty and he can feel his breath get narrow. He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to be the reason you’re feeling like this.

Never lets you go to bed angry. He’ll give you your space, but if you’re still quiet by bedtime he’s making sure you’ve eaten and you’re not still really upset by whatever played out that day

Overthinks a lot. How long did he not realise you were upset? What if its actually a much bigger deal than you’re letting on? What if you leave? Of course, he knows a lot of it is completely irrational, but it still lingers in the back of his mind, so you can imagine how relieved he is when the fight is over and you’re back in his arms

Asks people for advice a lot. Reki and Cherry are usual helpers, giving Langa their opinions on the matter without going into too much detail. The rest is up to him.

Gives the best hugs and comfort after a fight. He understands couples can fight, and never really takes the aggression let out by the pair of you too seriously. Rubbing the back of your head and holding you close to his chest, he’ll reassure you that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s not going to leave “just because of a silly fight” while you fight back tears on his shoulder.

Reki

Unlike Langa, Reki is a very open person in terms of his feelings, so your fights are rarely because of closed away emotions. However, many are caused by you feeling he is spending too much time in his workshop, overworking himself and not spending as much time with you as he should.

As for Reki, he gets mad when he feels you’re being closed off from him, not telling him things and hiding your true emotions. It’s not that he doesnt trust you, he just doesnt want you shouldering anything by yourself, and tries to make things easier for you by halving the problem.

A very emotional person, and this really shows when the two of you argue. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of raised voices, yknow those exhausted laughs when you’re tired of arguing with someone? Those. He pulls at his hair a lot in frustration too

Both of you need to walk away from each other a lot during arguments. You’re both driven by your emotions, so its hard to think logically once you’ve both gotten really upset.

The type to sit outside a door after an argument if you’ve locked yourself in a room, pressing against it and quietly talking to you, regardless of whether or not he gets a response

Understands space, to a certain extent. He’ll try and talk to you after an argument, try anything to get you to just answer him, to come out from your room, to stop ignoring him. He knows when you really don’t want to face him though, which is when he’ll go out for a while, either to Langa’s for advice, or just for a quiet skate.

Despite how upset he gets in the moment, he gets over it quickly. Once he’s out of his head and seeing properly, he’ll take some time to think it over and see things from your point of view. He’ll come back to you with an apology, and when you’re ready to talk, he’ll discuss things with you this time around instead of fighting

If the fight lasts overnight, he refuses to let you take the couch. If he feels a fight will last, he’ll glue himself to the couch, making it impossible for you to sleep anywhere other than your bed. No matter what the fight was about, he refuses to have you sleep uncomfortably.

Tends to cry after making up. It’s rarely out of sadness, of course, more relief than anything. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms, no longer ignoring him.

Cherry

A very rational person, fights are very rare between the pair of you. When you do fight, it tends to be because you feel he’s being closed off from you, not being as open and emotional with you. As for him, he doesnt like when you act too aloof about things that are actually serious to him

Fights start out quiet, talking in normal tones and using your heads. However, as the fight goes on, your voices gradually get higher and louder, arms thrown in the air as you get in each other’s faces.

He snaps quite a bit. Petty remarks, snappy replies and other unnecessary comments are thrown out without much thought as he gets more pissed off. Not necessarily because he doesn’t have anything to defend himself, but because once he’s started, he’ll do just about anything to piss you off

Depending on the fight, it could last an hour or a week. Both of you are so petty that you’ll refuse to apologise to the other, forgetting who was even in the wrong in the first place

Honestly, whoever goes to sleep first gets the bed, he’s not as considerate as Reki. However, as the fight goes on, the pair of you will stay up for ungodly hours into the night, trying to outlast the other because they dont want them sleeping on the couch. You’ll never admit that though, which is why you wont just fall asleep on the couch first. Besides, if you happen to fall asleep on the couch before Kaoru goes to bed, he’ll carry you upstairs and sleep on the couch himself. He’ll never admit that though, he’ll simply say you woke up and went upstairs in a hazy half-sleep, which is why you dont remember.

He’s definitely programmed Carla to apologise to you for him at least once, rolling her into the room you’re in before quickly walking out to the sound of “Y/N, I-am-very-sorry-and-I-was-wrong-please-forgive-me” in Carlas robotic voice

If you ever go to Joe’s restaurant to cool down, he’ll make a big fuss, swaying and sighing, dramatically shouting about “however will these lovers reconcile!?” Once his act is over though, he’ll comfort you and give you your favourite meal, tutting over the pair of you and thinking of ways to help you make up

Literally won’t let you go of you for at least a week after you fight. This mf is hanging off you, constant forehead kisses, the whole deal. He’s gone without your affection for a long time while you fought, he’s simply making up for lost time

Joe

You get really pissed at him when he flirts with other girls. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just a bit of a girl magnet and it’s his nature to entertain them. Of course, he all yours, but he forgets sometimes that jealousy is actually a thing

Doesnt take arguments as seriously as he probably should. He’s the type to tell you to “calm down” in the worst possible moment, its usually what makes you explode, actually.

Absolutely dense. The type to listen to you shout for five minutes, and only then have the audacity to ask you just what your problem was

It’s not his fault, bless him. He’s just a little unobservant when it comes to your emotions. When he realises you’re actually upset though, he’s apologising profusely and promising to never do it again

His apologies are always so genuine, you generally forgive him. However, if he does something that really pisses you off and you dont forgive him, he’ll give you space to think

Fights are usually resolved within a day. Like Langa, he refuses to let you go to bed angry

Cooks for you every meal regardless of whether or not you eat it. He’ll leave meals outside your door as a sort of truce, quietly pressing against the door and asking you to please come eat with him, that he hates the idea of you holed up in there all alone

Like Kaoru, he tends to reply with snarky remarks that have little to do with the argument, but they have a little less bite to them. More petty, if anything

Another big reason for why fights never last long is because this man literally. Will. Not. Survive. Without. You. You’ll be trying to ignore him while he comes in every five minutes, asking you how to get a certain channel on the TV, or stupid things you know he’s only asking because he misses talking to you

After you make up, he literally wont even look at another girl for at least a week. Mf will literally turn his head the other way if a girl comes near him, shouting about how he’s spoken for

Shadow

The biggest hothead. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean in the moment, which will cause you to storm out and he’ll immediately regret it

The fight almost immediately escalates past hushed voices, swear words thrown around as you get in each other’s faces

He’ll get really upset, but he’ll mask it with being pissed off and angry, clashing pots around and acting like a literal baby. He doesnt want to admit it, but he always feels awful right after a fight. He knows youll need a bit of space after the intense shouting, so he’ll give you that space before even attempting an apology

Aggressively cares for you. Like he’ll say things like “I made food, it’ll taste like shit if you leave it, so I suggest you have it now” or “nope, I want the couch, I’m gonna watch something” he’ll never admit it, he just wants to make sure you’re alright even while fighting

If the two of you go to S while fighting, it’ll be very obvious. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but now you couldn’t be further apart. However, he’s still looking out for you, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re alright. If you’re ever getting hit on by some creep, the fight is forgotten and he’s back at your side, daring the stranger to come any closer to you.

Reki is always the first to notice, poking him and pushing you over to him, trying to get the two of you to make up. Surprisingly, it actually does help clear the air

He can never stay mad at you for long though, he’s completely soft for you

Makes you bouquets to try and apologise. He’s taught you a lot about the meanings of flowers, so he’ll specifically pick ones with hidden meanings like “I’m sorry” or “I love you”

Not very good with verbal apologies. He knows when they’re needed though, and they are usually delivered through a series of grumbles and sad expressions. The thought is there though

Gives very gentle, long hugs after you make up. He’ll hold you close, suggesting a date or a movie to help the two of you relax

Miya

Literally the biggest bitch out of the six to fight with. He’s so petty, he will refuse to admit he’s wrong for the longest time. Once he’s in, there’s no accepting he’s not right

At least for a while anyway. He’ll start to feel bad once he sees just how upset you’re getting, frustrated with his inability to see anyone’s point of view but his own

King of the silent treatment. He’ll hide away behind his switch, drowning out his guilty thoughts with the white noise of animal crossing

He’ll skate to take his mind off things, practicing new tricks until he’s exhausted

Makes really snide remarks that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument. The type to bring up shit that happened 4 months ago just to help his case

Reki is usually the one to make him see sense, telling him just how petty he’s being, and that he cant get so defensive when he’s in the wrong. He knows this, obviously, he just can’t help it sometimes.

Although he’s not one for real apologies, he’ll slowly begin to stop ignoring you, bringing you small snacks or sending you funny things he saw on his phone. He’ll sit beside you, acting as if it was completely unintentional, but will slowly inch closer and closer until he’s curled up at your side, mumbling about how he wasn’t completely right after all

Will literally hit anyone who tries to comment on how the pair of you have made up, talking about how “its not even that big of a deal, just shut up”

Ad*m

Yall fought cause y’know. He’s ad*m

Sat outside your house with a speaker and an ugly ass sign. It started raining and his sign got ruined and his makeup ran

You broke up with him and he cried

Slipped in the rain while leaving <3

[xxth3crypt1c-k1d5xx]

TW-Direct mentions of neurodivergence and mental illness and indirect mentions of suicide, dysphoria, and depersonalization

I have alway been a good performer ever since I was little. I am cripplingly shy and socailly akward but put me on a stage and I can go in front of a hundreds of people and give a great performace no problem. But I tend to think that my perfomace skills strech past theater into my eveyday life and thats where I personally think I shine. The perfomace of normalcy and femininity. I didnt always put on this perfromace but I learned at a very young age that it was the best way for me to survive

So I learned how to make eye contact and speak with the correct intonation. I learned that I had to give people hugs even if I didnt want to and that it was bad to move my hands around and make "weird noises". Basically I learned how to mask, just like many other autistic chidlren did. Becasue I started doing this from such a young age and with no real undrstanding of why (except that people liked me more)it would be years before my autism was ever acknowledged by any medical professonal. But it was more than just masking I pushed down and suffocated every little thing that could be ever percived as weird or abnormal by others. I was so terrified of rejection that for years I pretended to be a complety different person. This made performace somthing I had once loved absolutely exhasting I felt completly and utterly suffocated. And after a years of this I often began to wonder if I was real or not. I would go into fits of panic and I would often spend days compelty detactched from myself. When I was around 13 I ended up having to be hospitalized for other medical issues and I reached a point where I felt completly and totally removed from reality.I had no intrests no hobbys nothing that I ernenslty enjoyed or looked foward to. I genuinelly had no idea who I was

But this also lead to a period of near comeplte isoaltion for me. I wasnt around anyone and so there was no one to hide from, and one day I found alternative rock. I found music that I related to on such a deep and personal level and it was the first thing in years that I actually allowed myslef to enjoy. I didnt feel like I had to hide the fact that I loved this music and I started finding other things like tv shows and fashion that I genuinely loved .

Eventally it lead me to finding online communities and places like tumblr. And insted of suffocating and pushing down all the parts of me that i was scared people would reject I felt like they had a place to live. Now I didnt stop masking in my everyday life, but I had a place to be myself. I felt likeI had split myself right down the middle there was the socially acceptable half of me that Iet people see and the was the weird loud ernest part of me who openly talked about their struggles who got to exsist in the online void. But I still felt trapped, even though I had found this outlet I still had this emense feeling that something trult wasnt correct. I still felt these intese wave of disconnection from my body. Perfroming was still somthing so difficult to me and I would watch these musician perform and feel these pangs of jealousy that I couldn't ever put my finger on. That was until I relized I was trans nonbinary, and that relization put so many things in order for me. I had gone by Carter online for years and I had always told myself it was for internet privacy but I think deep down there was always somthing more there. Now coming to this relization didnt necessarily "fix" anything for me but it did provide context for what felt like my who life. It allowed me to begin enjoying performace again as I felt I could explore both extreamly hyper masculine roles and still perfrom femininity when I was required to

Eventually these two parts of me began to merge together more and more. I noticed I began dressing in a style that I enjoyed more and more I was more open to people knew in real life about my intrests. Most of my friends refer to me as Carter now. But I wont pretend that I dont still struggle. I often still struggle with feeling like the "real me" and there are issues that are never going going to leave me no matter how much I try. And the lack of seperation between who I am online and who I am in real life is somthing that can be difficult to manage especially after having them be so seprate for so many years.

And I cant act as if the the person I have "pretended" to be isnt real in many ways as well "Sophia" is the perosn that I outwardly presented as for 18 years and they are in no ways a complete fabrication. I am that person in more ways then maybe I want to accept. It's why I am not very picky about how people refer to me. I have exisited as Sophia for so many years and although I do perfer the name Carter I'm not made uncomfortable by either name. I also have to acknowledge that there is a stratigic aspect in how I present and the fact that I actively continue to mask in most situations. I am aware of the immese ammount of privillage that I am granted when I am percived by others as a white cisgender neurotypical woman. There is also familiarity with being percived that way even though it is dishonest and does cause me discomfort. I am still trying to figure out who the "real me is" if that person even exsists.

[hermits-that-craft]

I’ll Jump Before I’ll Fall - Void Child AU

AO3 link in reblogs. 

He knows he isn’t okay. Sitting on top of a dirt pillar, the wind swaying in his hair. It’s peaceful up here. Nice, even. It’s calming, being so close to the void. He wants to go higher. The higher you are, the harder you fall. Maybe falling wont be so bad. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll find comfort in the fall. He won’t survive it, Tommy knows that, but he probably wont feel it either.

Phil has always been scared of falling. Tommy wonders why he isn’t. Maybe it’s because there’s nothing worth flying for. Not that Tommy can fly, of course, his wings were clipped the second Dream thought he’d make an escape attempt. But still. The thought counts.

He supposes he could glide down from the tower, but he doesn’t really want to. To wake up, his wings dead weights on his back, his eyes grey-

“Tommy, ο γιος μου, I’m so sorry.” A woman says, and Tommy jolts, teetering dangerously close to falling. “I haven’t been the best mother, have I?”

Tommy frowns, looking at the woman. She has freckles covering her face, constantly changing colour and location. Her eyes are black, no whites in them, but her iris’ are a deep purple. Her hair is black, lights woven into it that twinkle like stars. Her face is kind, and Tommy notices how he has her nose, her smile. He always looked like Phil, but never like Kristen. It didn’t confuse anyone except him, and no one ever explained.

Maybe this is why.

Maybe his mother isn’t Kristen. But there’s no way that this woman, this goddess, is his mother. She looks like she would be home in the void, her cloak a deep blue with gold trim, and a black ionian chiton draped underneath it. She wouldn’t look out of place in Techno’s tales, and somehow she doesn’t look out of place here, floating above the world. She isn’t standing on anything, and although she has wings so similar to his it hurts, they aren’t beating. A name tickles the tip of his tongue, emerging from the back of his mind. A name that Dream had forbidden him to say. A dangerous name, that would gain a dangerous goddess’ attention.

“Clara.” He says reverently. She smiles, her eyes lighting up like a nebula. “You’re Clara.”

“I am.” She bows her head, smiling. “One of the Wanasoi. Goddess of the overworld Void. Most importantly, I am your mother.”

“I’m not magic. I have wings I can’t use, thats it.” Tommy laughs, a broken, tragic thing. “I’m no Void Child. You’ve got the wrong kid.”

“You have my wings. You have my nose, my smile.” She walks towards him, her arms outstretched. “I failed you, and I’m so sorry. I couldn’t protect you before. But I can now. Let me take you to my home in the Void. Introduce you to your aunts. Let me teach you to control your powers. You shouldn’t have needed to fight any wars.”

“L’Manburg needed defending.” Tommy says weakly.

“A country built to protect you chose you as it’s hero?” Clara asks softly. Tommy nods, hesitant to hear her answers. “What an honour. What a disgrace. Let me deal with L’Manburg, let me deal with Dream. I will teach you.”

“What if I refuse?” Tommy asks before he can help himself. “What if I fall?”

“You would not be my first child to take their own life. But please, allow me a moment to try and improve your life for you.” She pleads, and Tommy can’t see anything but genuine care in her eyes. He stands on shaky legs, takes a step towards her, and lets his mother pull him into a hug. Tears fall from his eyes, and he finally lets himself relax.

He’s going home again.

Unbeknownst to him, but known to Clara, his cousin watches the exchange from the ground. The second void child smiles, a memory falling into his grasp, of his own mother. Ranboo turns, walking back through the portal, to find Foolish. The god will be able to help him fake Tommy’s death.

[enzo-zzz]

A vent on the fandom + cg

If you dont wanna hear any negativity, please just ignore this post. It includes dissatisfication on the yttd fandom and ongoing belief in it. I'm not going to use very kind words here, so just ignore this post. 3b spoilers included.

I like yttd so much, but the english fandom, i cannot interact because how toxic it is. Even the smallest different of which route you choose, will attract anyone to abuse, harrass, ridicule or humiliate you. And to be truth, there are many of them who are so judgemental, to the point that there is only one thing that are right and the other are wrong. Black and white mindset. The term "canon route" is what fans created itself. I guess there are many of them who are teens or kids, since most of kids who havent grown up yet tend to lean towards black and white mindset, even if they believe they are not. If you find people who keep arguing especially on social media, you can bet that its teens. Adult are too tired to involve in things like fighting with strangers. There is one time when the poll asked your age and the age range quite small to teens age. I guess thats why i think so.

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S ONE THING I'M ANNOYED WITH. ABOUT THE CG AND HOW THE FANDOM DECIDES THAT THE MORE CGS, THE MORE CANON IT IS. To be perfectly honest, i'm the one who came up with the analysis that on certain route 2-2 ending the cg is more. But people really use it the wrong way and now thought that anything that has more cg is the canon route. The word canon route is wrong in itself, who tf come up with the term canon route in yttd? Is the reason for creating two route is for one to be canon only, or for sparing different characters, or for having different storyline? (I personally think that on different route, the story will change and the ones who got to live at last is probably different ). Now i see those who misuse that information everywhere. "In sou route 2-2 ending evil joe AI dont even have new cg but in kanna route he has. See how biased the devs are? he should have drawn more if he really meant the route to be the canon one. Kanna route will get happy ending, sou route is bad ending." I think thats stupid. B*tch, he keep reusing his old art here and there. You can check for yourself. Joe and midori has same hand based on the cg? He's just reusing the hand art. The arm in 3b and 1-1 is the same arm he reuse. Sou and kanna 2-2 ending basically use the same sou drawing, he just changed it a bit. Sara in 2-2 kanna ending use the same cg as when keiji try to calm her in front of computer, he just changed the face. Midori and sara on the 3b game screen cg basically use the same cg in the 3b content, but changed a bit. So i can think why need to create new cg when joe is still malicious as the hallucination in 2-2 sou ending? If i want to create something i will also reuse this to save my time.

So if you wanna really use this cg argument, then maybe you can consider why alice memory game got so many more cg than reko's? and how ranmaru gone insane has so many new sprite and pose with the hair like that. And why when dummy is dead they got cg's. Especially the ranmaru dying one, he got moving cg's and how it was put more effort into that. Then that means dummy dying is actually the canon route since when they alive they got no addtional cg? This is my assumption, but i think the devs just do as many cg as it takes depends on how impactful the scene he's working on, not because its canon, thats really a lazy take if he is actually unwilling to do extra route but still forcing himself to do it anyway. Imagine if dummy is dying but no cg, instead a message " ranmaru/mai/anzu died ". Do you think that will really give impact to you? This game clearly hinting that joe is going to be the spotlight of the game, even in 3b. So when sou set the real joe ai in kanna route for sara, the script is written for the real joe to genuinely react to sara. of course thats going to be heartwrenching since joe himself is the very important part of sara's life. When the script is made that way, lacking of cgs will hamper down the storytelling nankidai genuinely want to deliver. All i can say is it come from the heart of the author himself. If it is just only text for something as tearful as that moment and no cgs, it wont really touch the feeling isnt it? It is the same with alice memory game that tells about how alice "kill" midori. I'm not sure how many it is but atleast there is 3 cgs with one of them has variant. The story of how alice kill midori is also important and should have impact, thus the extra CG's. I can say its about being passionate and indulged in the storytelling.

I dont even know if joe will ever heal sara in sou route, but based on how the story still keep joe relevant til the end, then there must be something that need to happen between them in the end right? Nankidai even made sure that sara see the dog keychain in 3a if player probably choose to not ask gin about the dog keychain he's hiding in ch 2. Its also for relating ranmaru and joe. Having closure or conclusion with joe in the middle of game is still valid, and having a closure with joe at the end of the game is still valid. Imo, having closure with joe at the end of the game after all of those suffering involving him makes the better climax or impact for sara chara development since the game build up to highlight joe and mr. Policeman, it can be even better if all of it are to be pull together in the ending.

Even if the devs has route he prefer, he's not abandoning any route he less prefer, only if its true that he ever have a route he prefer. Plus you dont know which route he's prefer if any. He's taking his work seriously, it just some "fans" looking down on him, even to the point calling him biased, he's punishing the one who take another route, treating like he only use his career for egostatiscal reason (it somehow clearly mirrors that you are the one who egostatiscal to the point of wanting to find any excuse to punish other, you just using the devs name to validate your mindset). If he's dislike people who chose that route that much, then why create that route? If he know its tiring to make alternate route, then why still make the choice to let 3 dummy alive route at the end? It will make more work. I can only assume its out of passion, or just that he deep down wants the character to be alive atleast in a route ( idk if this is correct, i just read google translated version of his public fanbox that he's actually very reluctant at first when the time comes and "crying" so hard when he had to kill joe in chapter 1. So the part where he wants to spare some character is only my assumption ). By this punishing logic, shouldnt he not make alice die when you push reko ai to spare gin, and only do it to those who dont push the ai to save gin by killing real reko? I am more sure that the variants is to tell a different story or who to spare, and specifically for who sara actually was.

Happy endings? I'm not sure. I've expected that once from story with a lot of deaths, wishing for atleast the protagonists alive. Anime or story with a lot of death is definitely my jam, but from what i see, most of them has bittersweet ending, it depends on how the author wants it to be. Some author dont mind killing them all till the end, and some author just easily kill them all because they plan to revive them later. And everyone sense is different. Some japanese people sense in storytelling is a bit different imo. As the one being the audience, happy endings is the most common wish the audience wants. But its all up to the sense of the author. This is why i'm annoyed with some kids from overseas who rarely watch or play many things that involves a lot of death from japan suddenly says that this "one happy ending, this one bad ending! Everyone will survive in this route, everyone dead in this route"

Just play any route you like, nothing wrong with that. Whats wrong is to start this war of ridiculing others or have that irritating attitude towards those who play their own first route and start bad mouthing or desperately throwing bad assumption that one route will end very bad just for the sake of feeling better for your choice and to scare others.You do know that when you read a book, you'll only know if the overall story is good or bad until you know the ending right? The ending will conclude everything that happened. What happening in the fandom is now like, you only read 3/4 of the book and already expecting that this one will have good ending and bad ending. What if its not about the binary, but for the difference in direction? Its not that bad if the story of the book is kinda predictable, but with how plot twists become the main part of yttd's charm, its getting more difficult to predict how it will end. There's a lot of story which was masterpiece in every part as seen by fans, until the ending hits. Its what the author wants, but its not what the fans wants.

If you pick fights with others, even passively, the consequence is all on you. Good luck taking care of your mess.

Thats why i'm reluctant to publish any theory because the fandom will always use it as an excuse to pick fights with other and say " i'm more right bcs i got this proof" . U see in my caption i dont want any of those harasser to even digest my theory. If you are one of them get out of my blog.

[lombredanslaeu]

pure devotion / part two

▸ werewolf! johnny x human reader

▸ read chapter one here

▸ hey! its finally here. it wasnt my plan to do a part two but y’all wanted to see what happens next so here you go. thank you so much for reading the first chapter! enjoy

recap: werewolves are assigned with a soulmate and once they reach the age of 23, they would find who their soulmate is. you have always been in denial about being in love with your best friend, johnny. as the clock struck 10:34 pm - the exact time johnny was born - that’s when you felt the universe unfold within your veins. you are johnny’s soulmate. it would have been a successful fairy tale but johnny loves you too much to let it happen.

It has been almost a week since you and Johnny last talked. You thanked the universe for not letting you cross paths with Johnny in school. It would be dishonest to say that your heart isn’t breaking each second you’re away from him. You miss him, so much. It’s only been 5 days since his birthday but you just want to run to his house and see him again. Your friends grew suspicious about what happened between you two. It’s always been Y/N and Johnny every hour of every week. Now, it’s just you.

“Okay, Y/N, cut the bullshit,” Your friend, Nayeon, along with Yeri and Jungwoo, sat in front of you, demanding for answers. “What’s going on between you and Johnny?”

You rolled your eyes. You appreciate their concern so much but you knew they were gonna demand every details about your misunderstanding. Nayeon, Yeri, and Jungwoo are vampires. Vampires aren’t assigned a soulmate. They are free to choose who they’ll spend the rest of their lives with. Although they are also close friends with Johnny and your other friends who are werewolves, you are skeptical if they would understand or not.

“We just had an argument during his birthday. No big deal.” You replied.

“Uh? Of course, it’s a big deal.” Yeri started. “First, you and Johnny? Not talking for almost a week? Second, you two arguing during his birthday?”

“It’s hard to explain, guys.” You sighed.

“We have all day, Y/N. You know you can always talk to us.” Jungwoo said. “Besides, I’ve never seen Johnny this down before.”

You decided to share what happened that night. You knew in yourself that this will spread like wildfire to your circle of friends, or even worse, throughout the whole school. It has always been a big deal whenever a werewolf is soulmates with a human. They will be nosy and concerned. You don’t mind attention but you certainly don’t want to be pitied at. Your heart also ached at the mention of Johnny being sad. All your life, you felt like it was your duty to make sure Johnny is happy and healthy. Now, you sure will beat yourself later at the thought of you not being brave enough to confront him.

---

It was only 2:00 pm but you felt so tired. You felt like Atlas took a break from carrying the world and used you as a substitute. Jungwoo suggested to talk to Johnny as soon as possible. You understand that. You know that the only solution to whatever it is that you’re feeling right now is to talk to him. See what both of you can compromise. But, your mind is still a haze. It was your future you’re talking about. Whether you make this decision or that, it will affect the rest of your life. You wished things didn’t have to be this way. For the first time in your life, you wished Johnny didn’t exist.

You went home immediately after your last class. Your mother was shocked to see you come home early. You always went places with Johnny and your friends. Yeri invited you to go vinyl shopping with her and Jaehyun but you just weren’t in the mood to be fake happy.

“You look so down, sweetheart.” Your mother said as she sat across you on the kitchen island.

“Mom, I have to tell you something.” You sighed. You hated making your mother worried. But you knew that sharing this with her will help you somehow, hopefully.

Your mother stared intently at you, waiting for you to say whatever you had to say.

“I’m soulmates with Johnny.” You started. She leaned back on her seat, taken aback from your confession. “Remember last Saturday? During his birthday? We just found out that night.”

“Then, why are you so down?” She asked. “He’s your best friend since forever. I trust him and you trust him.”

“I don’t know, mom,” You felt tears form. “It’s just that - I’m scared. You know how risky it is for humans to be mates with werewolves. Remember Mingyu’s mother? She survived the transformation but she died after giving birth. I want to see the whole world when I’m 80, mom. I don’t want to die so young.”

Your mother hugged you. You knew she didn’t have an answer. She was fortunate enough to not be soulmates with a werewolf.

“You know, sweetheart, I had to give up a lot of things when I decided to marry your dad. I had to give up my wild nights with friends, my freedom of being single, the apartment that I loved so much. I loved these things so much because they made me who I am.” She said. “But you know what? I never missed them. I would trade so many of my yesterdays to have a tomorrow with your father. It was scary at first, I almost ran away during our wedding. But every night he would come up to me and make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, I immediately thanked God I never ran away.”

“That’s sweet and all, mom, but you’re not gonna die if you and dad mate.” You said bitterly through tears.

“I know, sweetheart. I know it’s unfair to you. But, I don’t want you to die without the love of your life on your side. Johnny is a good man. He would fight all of the odds for you and you, out of all the people in this world, should know that.” She said. “Our lives are full of risks. This wont be the only risk that you’ll take during your life.”

Later that night, you stared at the polaroid pictures that are glued on your wall. These were pictures of you, Johnny, and your friends. Your eyes landed on a picture of Johnny with a tub of ice cream. He knew you love ice cream so whenever you feel down, rest assured that he will be on your side with a tub of ice cream. He just knew what to do. It was like he was made to be your perfect fit. Almost immediately, you came into the conclusion that you were willing to risk it for Johnny. You were tired of feeling worried over things that haven’t happened yet.

---

You woke up with a livelier spirit than yesterday. You were still worried of what will Johnny say but the only thing you can do for now is not worry about things that haven’t happened. You decided to give him his favorite yogurt and flower as a peace offering. Today, you are willing to sort things out with him. You couldn’t bear another day with things not okay between you two. Before you left your house, you asked the sky above to give you a sign. You were willing to take whatever sign it gives you.

You entered the lecture hall and noticed that everyone’s mood was gloomy. Your professor, Mrs. Bae, was already in front with a sad frown on her face. Did someone die today? She waited for two more people to arrive before speaking. You were worried that it might be someone from your circle or worse, Johnny.

“We received the news early this morning that one of your classmate, Kim Soohyun, passed away last night.” She spoke. “Let’s give a moment of silence for her, her family, her friends, and her significant other, Choi Hansol.”

Your breath hitched when Mrs. Bae mentioned Hansol as her significant other. Hansol belonged to Johnny’s pack, meaning he is a werewolf. And Soohyun was human. As if on cue, Nayeon whispered to you.

“I heard she died from transformation.” She looked at you with so much worry on her eyes.

Your heart was beating so much and you started to struggle catching up with it. Today was supposed to be the day you agree on being Johnny’s mate. You shouldn’t have asked for a sign. Earlier, you were so sure of your decisions. Now, you weren’t sure if you wanna see Johnny today. Looks like the universe really fucking hates your guts. You were supposed to have your peace of mind. You looked down at the yogurt and flower that you were supposed to give Johnny. You refused to believe that Soohyun’s death was a sign for you to rethink your decision but sooner or later, you found yourself throwing the flower to the nearest garbage bin and eating Johnny’s yogurt.

---

Day by day, you feel your friendship with Johnny deteriorating slowly. Soohyun’s death shouldn’t have affected you so much but for some strange reason, it did.

“You’re really not gonna fix anything by avoiding your problems.” Your friend, Jaehyun spoke beside you. You really shouldn’t be talking to him because you knew as one of Johnny’s closest friend, he would never stop convincing you to talking with Johnny. Jaehyun was also a member of Johnny’s pack. Jaehyun’s father is Johnny’s father’s right hand, meaning he is the beta of the pack. Jaehyun and Johnny are so close to each other, probably much closer than you and Johnny. You knew he would always have Johnny’s back just like you do. So, it doesn’t surprise you if he wanted to fix the problem between you and Johnny.

“How is he?” You asked, genuinely concerned for Johnny.

“To be really honest, I don’t think he can graduate if this problem doesn’t get solved.” He replied. “You probably think that I’m exaggerating this for you to talk to him immediately. Our graduation is just around the corner. If you don’t want to put your future at risk, at least don’t try to put his on a tight rope as well.”

You hated the fact that he was right. You were starting to feel selfish, too cowardly. Johnny was always brave whenever you needed help. It was time you became brave for him.

---

The loud music blasted through the walls of Lucas’ house. Here is where all the college parties are held. Lucas is also one of your closest friends. He’s a human who is dating Wendy, a vampire. Tonight was the farewell party of the graduating class of this year. You weren’t in the mood to come but you knew Johnny was gonna be here since he one of the graduating students.

You decided to get at least a little bit tipsy before you confront Johnny. With the help of your ever-supportive friends, your mind was hazy immediately. It was not a hassle for you to find him in parties. He is either playing beer pong, in the kitchen mixing up drinks with Taeyong, or in the dance floor with the other friends you shared. You spotted him standing quietly near the snacks corner. You know the reason why he isn’t as upbeat as he usually is. You stood next to him and he immediately noticed you. You didn’t know what to do or what to say.

“Hi.” You squeaked out.

“Hey,” He replied, giving you a warm smile. The smile that you fell in love with. You haven’t seen that smile in a while.

“I would give anything to see that smile for the rest of your life” It took you a few seconds to realize that you said that out loud. Damn this cocktail.

“Yeah, nice to see you again too, Y/N,” You noticed how his mood seemed to lit up. He looked down on you. You both haven’t said so much but he knew that things are finally okay. He got the picture.

“So, is this your response about what he learned during my birthday?” He said, lifting his cup to drink whatever is left of the drink.

“Yeah, look. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I put you through hell because I was too much of a coward to talk to you. I’m sorry that I left you all confused and-” Your ranting got cut off when you felt his soft lips against yours. Each movement of his lips signifies his undying love for you. It signifies how he will always forgive you and accept your flaws that annoyed him to the core. It signifies that he wanted you to know that you were his and he was yours, forever. He lead you through the balcony of Lucas’ house, where no one was present.

“I love you,” You said after you pulled away. “I’m willing to risk everything for you. I would trade all my tomorrows for at least a minute with you.”

You didn’t realize that you were crying until he was wiping your cheeks with his thumb. His hands still cups your face as he stares down at you. You were expecting him to say the same but all you saw his head shaking from left to right.

“No,” he whispered. “I love you too, Y/N, so much. I’ve loved you for as long as I could remember. All the nights we spent tangled up in each other and telling one another how we’re just friends. All the make out session we had in the back of my car. The best of times, the worst of times. I’ve loved you through it all. But I can’t do this to you, Y/N. You deserve to live the best life you’ve set up for yourself until you grow old and wrinkly.”

You stared at him, tears flowing from your eyes. He hated seeing you cry. He could kill anyone or anything that made you cry. “You can do this with me, Johnny. If I die, at least I die by your side. I will die knowing that you made me yours. And to the die by your side is the perfect way I could die.”

He continued shaking his head, his own tears staining his flawless skin. “We don’t have to transform you.”

“But you need an heir. You need an offspring to be the next alpha after you.” You replied. “And I want to give that to you.”

“God knows how much I want to start a family with you too.” He said.

“Then, what’s stopping you, Johnny?” You asked him. You were so desperate to leave this party with you and Johnny being okay.

“I love you. That’s what’s stopping me.” He responded. The effects of the alcohol was slowly leaving your system. You were growing tired of this fight. You were never a patient woman but you pushed through just to make this right.

You remained in silence, looking up at the starry night. You asked the sky for one more sign. If only the answer to everything was written in the sky, you would have it all by now. But life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes, you have to ruin yourself to find the answer.

“I accepted a job offer in the city today. I leave in 2 days.” He said all of sudden. There. There was your sign. You sighed and look at him, with pride and sadness. You were so proud of him. You saw him struggle with college and now he immediately has a job in the city. But you were also sad. He accepted it without even talking to you - his best friend, and his soulmate. You couldn’t blame him. He probably wanted to get away from you after everything.

---

Johnny leaves for the city tomorrow morning. You have wallowed in self-pity the whole day. You looked at yourself in the mirror and saw how wrecked you looked. If only you fixed this as soon as possible, he probably wouldn’t leave. You scratched that thought out of your head. That was selfish. Johnny pushed aside his feeling for you so that you could have your dream. It’s time for you to stop being selfish and let him have his. You decided you wanted to see him before he left. This will probably the last time you will see each other so you were determined to fix the broken bond between you two.

You arrived at his house after a few minutes. His house wasn’t far from yours. The moment he opened his door, you attached your lips into his. You kissed him as if you’re begging for him to not leave you. He lead you both to his room and locked the door.

He kissed you first on the lips and soon, he traveled down your neck. The back of your needs hit the edge of his bed and he gently laid you down on it. It’s been a while since the last time you slept together. You weren’t planning on sleeping with him tonight but you wanted to make sure his last night with you was worth it.

It took an hour for the both of you to finish making love. Your head laid on his chest as your limbs tangled upon each other.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.” You announced.

“Yep,” He responded. His fingers drew relaxing figures on your bare back. “Okay.”

You looked up at him, confusion written on your face. What did he mean by “okay”?

Sensing your inquiring stare, he responded, “I can’t accept a life wherein I don’t get to hold you every night.”

He sat up on the edge of his bed, the moonlight that shone through his window lighted up his face. You followed, resting your chin on his shoulder as your arms wrapped around his body savoring the last moments before he leaves for the city.

“Find me immediately after you design a house, a building, something.” He said with conviction, staring deeply into your eyes as if wanting you to memorize what he is saying. “Find me immediately. I will wait for you. Even if it takes a couple more years.”

You felt tears streaming down your cheeks. You love him so much. You would take any compromise only if it means being with him in the end. You nodded, pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

“No other love, except me.” He stated.

“No other love, only you.” You said.

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this! as always, feedback and requests are always welcome.

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH36

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4, 208

- Author Note: Purely yoongi and seul moment XD

Previous | Next

Chapter 36

Unexpected call from Mrs Hwang few minutes ago caused Yoongi to drop everything that he did right way. Seul’s life way more than important than his unfinished songs, when he left his studio in hurry Namjoon threw the older guy a questioning look.

“Hyung..where-“ “I will explain to you later” Yoongi disappeared into thin air giving him no time to process. Confused, the tall guy returned to his studio in complete silence. Yoongi is a man, he knew how to take care of himself and not to get into trouble. Namjoon assured himself with his little pep talk to ease the uneasiness in him.

Wandering cluelessly around the city was Yoongi, trying to figure out Seul’s whereabouts. Clutching onto his phone tight, this would be his 20th attempt to reach her yet it brought him to voice mail. This unspeakable worries that he had at the moment was killing him softly.

‘Seul, where are you’ he looked down into the dark street. Hearing Seul’s health history from her mother scared him to death, he couldn’t imagine what will happen to her if he delayed the search even for a minute.

After thirty minutes searching her neighbourhood, Yoongi received a text from what seemed to be from Mrs Hwang. His eyes glimmered with hope upon reading the text, ‘Okay, her favourite place to chill. Hill’ he blinked in dazed.

‘Wait, hill? Do they have hill here?’ Yoongi scanned the area, taking in every movement until his eyes noticed a small alley between two tall buildings which will lead him somewhere. At least, he’s one step closer in finding Seul. His main priority was to bring that girl back safe and sound without any scratches.

Even though Yoongi was sceptical by his own choice, however he followed his heart and walk through the dark alley without much thought. The small board near the bench with an arrow and “To Signal Hill” really saved the day. His smile found its way back on his sullen face and now all he had to do was to find any sign of Seul there.

Following the path, he made sure his steps were slow just in case Seul was somewhere around the area. He spent 15 more minutes to reach the peak, and to his utter astonishment he didn’t see even a strand of Seul’s hair. Yoongi refused to give up so he resumed his search until he saw the dead end. Considering there were no one around, it spooked him a little to know a lady like Seul could be roaming around this area alone.

His ears perked up at the sound of inaudible murmur few metres from him, therefore he picked up the pace anxious to see what awaits him. The voice resembled a whiny young lady brought his attention to a familiar figure that stood wobbly on the big rock, which seemed can fit one human legs but due to her small size she could fit both legs there. Yet, it was risky as hell.

The girl screamed at the top of her lungs and bended over as she tried to balance herself on top of the slippery rock. His eyes widened in pure horror “JI SEUL? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING” he sprinted towards her angrily, grabbing the girl’s waist causing her to squeal at the sudden movement.

Seul clung onto him for her dear life “What the-“she didn’t need to see the owner of the voice because Seul could smell his expensive cologne. It was Min Yoongi, there’s no doubt. He tightened his grip around her waist, carrying her bridal style and started walking away from the dangerous cliff to another side of the empty area.

Setting her down carefully, Yoongi flew into a rage “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY? THAT IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE PROBLEM? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE ME A CALL, SO I CAN HELP YOU. MY GOODNESS YOU ARE AN IDIOT SEUL!” he pushed his face into hers so suddenly that she shrank back, hiding her head like a turtle, afraid by his outburst. It took her by surprise.

A muscle twitched under his eye and he grinded his teeth out of anger, his fiery eyes looked deadly dangerous. Not to mention, he was breathing heavily, and she could see a visible flush on his porcelain skin.

Yoongi straightened himself, rubbing the back of his hair angrily “I…” she gulped in fear. He glowered upon hearing Seul’s timid voice, she looked up at him with her eyes slightly enlarged as she continued “I don’t think I need your help to find my missing necklace. It is not a big deal. Why are you yelling at me?” Seul had a dumbfounded look on her face.

“Wait-what? You are looking for what?” he was slightly annoyed by the fact that he had jumped into conclusion before asking the frightened girl the truth. The image of Seul stood on the rock and was about to roll down the cliff clouded his judgement.  

Her forehead creased into a deep frown, “You are looking for your necklace so you’re not trying to jump off the cliff and commit suicide?” Yoongi eyed glued on her trying to find the lies beneath those innocent eyes.

“What?! Are you crazy? Why would I jump off the cliff?” she shrieked in disbelief.

“So you are not trying to kill yourself?” relieved by her answers, he steadied his breathing and let out a loud sigh.

“YES!”

“I don’t think a sane person would stand on those rock for a stupid necklace! You could get hurt!”

“I dropped it on the ground, but I couldn’t see it, so I assumed it might roll off somewhere down there. Goodness, you are overreacting Min Suga!” Seul rolled her eyes. “For your information, it is not just a stupid necklace, that is a present from Jiminie” to call the precious gift from Jimin stupid offended her.

Yoongi scoffed at the idea of a gift from Jimin way more important than her life. “Yah, since when Jimin’s present is more important than your own life? Now you go all way to sacrifice your life for him, way to go Ji Seul!” he noted sarcastically.

“I will go all length to take the bullet from him one day, so what?” defensive, she crossed her arms mentally judging the man before her. She wondered how he ended up there and making an unnecessary scene which could blow up the whole place.

He inhaled a sharp breath before inquiring Seul about her sudden disappearance, “Where were you? Your mother is looking for you” he raised one of his brows with threatening look.

“So, mother sends you as an errand boy to check me whether I am alive or not?”

“Ya! I am not your errand boy. You- Ugh… where did you go? Goddamit, stop talk back woman. Just answer my question, will you?” frustrated by Seul demeanour, he let out a small grunt indicating his dissatisfaction.

“Here and there. What else mother tells you?” she asked without even bother to put much emotion in it. If Yoongi is aware about her condition, that will complicate things between them. She didn’t want to appear weak in front of a guy that she liked.

Did she just that out loud? A guy that she likes.

“I am sure that still doesn’t answer my question. Where is here and there? And your mother tells me everything. Drop that attitude, we have a lot to talk about” Seul stomped her feet a little out of annoyance causing the latter to hold back his tongue from laughing at her cuteness.

Through her clenched teeth, she responded angrily “Here and there means away from nosy people like you! Argh, trust me I don’t have anything to say to you, just go” she told him to leave her alone but the small voice in her head said something else. She wanted him to stay, to savour his warmness around her, she needed someone she can trust by her side.

“I am not moving, so what are you going to do about it?” Yoongi was adamant that he’s not leaving Seul alone until they talk. “Didn’t I warn you to stop talk back? Or I will have no choice but to kiss you” a playful smirk could be seen across his lips.

“Min friggin Yoongi! You are not threatening me with your sloppy kiss! If you are not moving, then I will make my move now. Goodbye” she shot a nasty glare at his way and started to walk away. Though part of her was calling for Yoongi to go after her, she didn’t dare to say it aloud. Why was she fighting with the demon inside her?

“Fuck. This woman!” he groaned lowly.

Alarmed by Seul’s movement, he hurriedly catch up on her, grabbing her arms turning the furious lady to face him “Please…just this one.. Give me a chance, talk to me” his cockiness and stubbornness earlier disappeared instantly. He’s pleading with his genuine eyes, even Seul could feel his desperation through his touch.

Seul blinked and unsure with herself. It was no doubt that part of her wanted him to stay but why was it so difficult for her to say it aloud? She wanted to ask how far he knew about her condition? If her mother decided to open her mouth, it could be everything right? Judging by Yoongi’s bipolar mood, he seemed to know everything.

“It is better to be alone. I don’t need your help”

“Why?”

She averted her gaze “Because no one can hurt me that way. And, you will never understand the hell feel inside my head, Yoongi” sighing with deep regret, Seul didn’t feel like talking about her own pain. Opening her wounds would only make her weak.

“Seul.. allow me to help you, don’t close yourself. Even you refuse my help, I will not let you go” he moved his hand along her arms making her shudder under his soft touch. Interlacing their hand together, she looked down at their intertwined hand and a rush of sadness embraced her fragile heart.

Could Yoongi heal her?

Was his presence enough to wash away the sadness and worries in her?

There was an eerie silence between them, it just made Yoongi scared of what might come from Seul. She could be predictable sometimes but with this unstable emotion, he could easily be pushed away by her. Contrary to his assumption, he was surprised to see her moving her up and down weakly as giving her permission for Yoongi to help her.

Smiling warmly, he gave her a soft squish as an assurance “Lets go” he whispered.

“Where are we going?”

“To my studio. There is something that I want to show you” tugging Seul behind him, they walked hand in hand returning back to his studio.

 ---------------

Entering Suga’s Genius Lab it amused her to see the place for the first time. It was different from the one that Suga had back in their dorm, it looked massive here with more equipment. She saw a professional keyboard at the corner of the room, and the studio itself gave off Yoongi usual manly scent. The smell itself floated in the air tickled her heart.

Closing the door behind him, he made his way to his leather seat, taking a seat on the swivel chair. Seeing the swivel chair moved brought back the vivid memory that she had with Yoongi. Her face turned pink as she quickly cupped both of her cheeks to get rid of the evident. He glanced over his shoulder taking the image of nervous Seul in front of him then it dawned on him she was reminiscing the sexy night that they shared.

Pushing the thought out from his memory, it was still fresh and clear. He couldn’t simply forget their intimacy. Smirking teasingly, he took her hand in his “Something that triggers your memory?” Seul coughed softly easing the awkwardness between them.

“W..hat do you mean by that?” she stammered.

“You are bad at lying, come on let’s get this done. So where do you want to sit? On my lap or on the floor?” he teased.

“Floor” Seul answered without any hesitation though she was seen blushing madly at the idea of sitting on his lap again. The last time she did that, they ended up ravishing each other lips. No in a million ways she let that happen again. Well, for now since she hasn’t really decided after she made up her mind about Jungkook whether she should choose Yoongi.

Lifting his eyebrows in amusement, he gave her that mischievous grin he was known for. “Really? But I can’t dirty my floor, so I would rather have you on my lap” he whisked her into his arms, settling her onto his lap.

The girl froze for few seconds before struggling, but he had locked his arm around her waist “Stay still, you are rubbing me woman” for some reason, his remark got her body stopped functioning momentarily. Her whole body was overflowing with electricity.

“Yo-u per-vert!” she slapped his chest lightly earning a low chuckle from the latter.

“If you don’t want to find anything poking you from below, behave yourself” Seul gasped at his remarks leaving her no choice but to pout in her seat. She made a mental note to make herself felt at home and acted normal.

Yoongi held back his laugh, as he reached out to turn on his computer. Seul’s eye lit up in excitement watching the equipment worked in front of her, more like watching Yoongi’s arms stretched out with her in between doing his thing made him ten times hotter. She was admiring the visible vein popped out on his porcelain skin.

Chewing her lips to halt herself from squealing over the image, she blinked her eyes few times and gathered her thought together.  “Alright, I am working on this song. It is for my future mixtape. I want you to listen to it” his gruffy voice sounded hotter since his attention was on the list of the songs on the screen.

He licked his lower lips out of habit, plugging the headphone before putting it over her head. “Give this song a chance, just three minutes alright?” his faint whisper over the headphone was still clear even though it covered her ears completely.

A mere murmur, all she was capable of “Okay, since you are ready” he pushed the green button and a mixture of soft beat blasted through the headphones. Yoongi leaned back in his seat, as he stroked his thumb over Seul’s waist. Scrutinizing her face, he watched her distressed face faded away and it soon replaced by a calm smile evident at the corner of her lips.

For some reason, Yoongi felt proud of his masterpiece and by far one of the best songs that he produced this year. He was taken off guard when Seul started to hum to the melody, tapping her fingers on the table with her eyes close. She looked as calm and serene in comparison to an hour ago.

Her lips curled into a cute smile as he drowns himself into the breath-taking view in front of her. The melody started to fade away and followed by Yoongi’s deep voice. He had rapped the song with all his heart and basically filling the emptiness inside her through the emotions that he expressed from the song. The lyric was so meaningful as it defined his own struggle in life.

Opening her eyes slowly, she was surprised to see Yoongi’s face who few inches away from her. His hot breathing fanned her cold skin, giving Seul a hard time to breathe properly. Yoongi smiled genuinely, pressing his forehead against her as the tip of their nose brushed.

Her small hand was clutching onto his back shirt seeking for his warmth. Her heart pounded furiously against her chest, and it doubled when his eyes bore into hers “How was it?” Yoongi mumbled. Caressing her cheeks lovingly, she exhaled a soft sigh enjoying this rare moment that she had with him.

“Amazing as always. The lyrics and the melody comforted me, how did you do that?” his eyes turned into crescent moon as he broke into his usual gummy smile weakening the bones inside her body.

“Honesty. The recipe of the song is honesty. I am expressing my worries and problems via the lyric. It helps me to get over the weird thought circulating inside my brain, so I can remain positive and strong” his short and simple justification touched Seul’s heart.

He continued “When I was diagnosed with depression I thought it was the end of it. I couldn’t think straight, and everything seemed ambiguous. I doubted everything and people around me. For once I thought to put me out of this misery, I must disappear from this world. I was wrong Seul-ah. I was very concerned over my look, and it made me hate myself. I wanted to become happy and strong but why am I getting weaker? Where am I heading to? Yeah, I am heading to that one place, but I will end up here again. Then I inquired myself, is there an end to this maze? My head was a total mess, it was clouded with rage and hate” she flinched, absorbing Yoongi’s pain.

She studied his stoic profile anxiously. Even though his face was hard, he remained stoic, yet she felt his concern. Yoongi resumed, stroking Seul’s flush cheeks with the back of his hand “I sought help from people and I worked hard for my mixtape. I found a way to express my rage through song writing, and I was relieved to tell all the stories that were in my heart. That is how you suppose to channel your frustration and worries, not by keeping it to yourself. I know you have a lot of things in your mind right now Seul. I want you to know, you have your mother, Hoon, your friends, BTS and most importantly me” her eyes watered.

“If you give me a chance to help you through this difficult time, allow me to stay by your side Seul. That is all I wish for” she stared at him with mixed emotion. The tip of his nose rubbed against hers, as he savoured this moment with her.

She was swayed by his words, and she let him to steal her heart away. Everything that Yoongi said was too beautiful and he never failed to amaze her. The fact that she was healed previously because of the songs that he produced, Seul found herself was falling deeply with this man. Was she really?

“Yoongi…” she called out softly almost inaudible for him, but he managed to catch the phrase coming out from her clearly just because she’s Ji Seul. The queen of his heart.

“When I wake up the next morning, I don’t want to live in fear. I want to be free from this pain with you by my side” her small hand made its way to his cheek, tracing it ever so slowly.

That answer was enough to put colour to his dull heart, she gave her trust to him, hence he would guard it close to his heart. “I will be by your side for the next ten seconds, minutes, hours and if it is possible eternity” he kissed the tip of her nose.

“Thank you..for not giving up on me” caressing his jaw softly giving it a butterfly touch, she kissed the corner of his mouth. Her kisses trailed off to his lips, as she leaned down a little to properly latch her lips over his tenderly.

Though he’s surprised by her bold gesture, knowing Seul had never initiated the kiss first before, Yoongi brought her head down to him, deepening their butterfly kisses to a real one. This time he poured more emotion into his action.

Smiling between kisses, he stroked her hair and embraced the girl close to him. Gently holding onto each other, they stayed glue to each other in this way for some minutes. They savoured every moment in each other’s company.

 Yoongi and Seul were now laying on the couch face to face, having their heart-to-heart talk. Yoongi was a great listener as he listened attentively to Seul’s story even though he already got the slight idea about her past from Mrs Hwang. He was glad that Seul wanted to go into details and told him everything. It was the first step to heal herself.

During the conversation, his arms were wrapped securely around her torso, only leaving the small space for him to watch her pretty face while she did the talking. Yoongi didn’t want to trade this night with others and wished they could stay like this for as long as they wanted.

“You are a strong girl; do you realize that? Even though you can be annoyingly stubborn sometimes, but I can tame you. I have less worry on that” he pursed his lips into a small pout.

“Basically, you are saying no one can tame Ji Seul like Min Yoongi did?” she cringed at the cheesiness though it sounded lowkey good to her. Seul just couldn’t get over the cringey feeling that she obtained from this man.

“It doesn’t sound bad at all, I like me. I like us” Yoongi enveloped her into a tight hug, which almost suffocate the latter. However, she soon found herself liking the closeness and threw her arm around his waist, returning the same passion.

The sound of his heart beating was so calming, she was convinced that Yoongi’s presence brought happiness to her life. Why she only realized it now?  “You can be so cheesy sometimes and very bipolar. One second you are yelling at me and not long after that you turn into a total pervert. Then, look at you now, acting all romantic and cheesy” she scrunched her nose, feeling confused.

“I am not acting romantic. Because I am born to be romantic” he sassed.

“Be careful Yoongs, you sound like Jin”

“I am nowhere near him, don’t compare me to him!”

“Right. But, you are so full of yourself”

“I am being truthful with you, that is all matter. Which means you are special to me. Very special” he kissed the top of her head, humming a soft melody from one of his mixtape. Yes, out of the blue, but she noticed that habit of his ever since their intimate moment.

It was cute anyways, his rough and raspy voice made it extremely homey.

“About the song that you listened a moment ago. I wanted you to have it” Seul looked up to meet his gaze, finding some sort of confirmation to what she just heard a minute ago. His eyes were genuine with no hint of jokes.

“Yoongi, that song is amazing. You should include it in your future mixtape. I am sure it will get a lot of love from Armys” she shook her head in refusal. As much as she loved the song considering the comfort that she gained from it, Seul did not want Yoongi to put her above his career and Armys.

Yoongi pushed her slightly higher, to close the gap between them. He smiled “I want you to have it. The song is special as it helps me to curb my loneliness and settle some issues in me. So, I want to make it special. Only both of us have the access to it” her eyes were brimming with tears and within a second she let it fall startling the rapper.

“Why are you crying? I am sorry baby if you feel it is too much-“ a soft lips brushed against his that didn’t really give him time to process. She pulled away with a teary smile “You did nothing to apologize. Instead, I should apologize to you. I only receive but I don’t have the chance to give back. It makes me feel bad” said Seul bitterly.

“Don’t be nonsense. I want you to promise me that you will come straight to me if you have problems and stay by my side. Can you do that?” his smile was addictive. It lured you to explore the deepest core of his heart.

She sniffed a little and nuzzled their face together “I promise” he hummed happily. “But can you promise me one thing too?” amused, he nodded signalling her to continue her words.

“Urm...Can you stop smoking?” eyeing the girl with suspicious, he frowned.

“I only smoke when I am stressed out. You happen to run into me when I am having that moment”

Seul glowered “Smoking can kill. I don’t want you to smoke. If you are stress talk to me, please promise me that?” he heaved a deep sigh before nodded in agreement. She cheered happily, burying her face at the crook of his neck. “Thank you” her softness melted his heart.

“Seul, you are driving me insane. I don’t want to let you go ever” he muttered with determination. He’ll keep his words till the end.

  This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

Voting for Chopped Choice: Horror is officially OPEN!

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For this event, the writers had to create a story with the theme of their choice and include four tropes of their choice with at least one trope from the horror section! Thanks to all our AMAZING writers, these fics were so spooky and we are so glad you decided to share them with us!!

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guess we’re alike that way (Rated T) [Murphy/Octavia]

Summary: Octavia died 25 years ago. The answer, by the way, is ghosts. Just ghosts. Yeah, it’s just as bad as it sounds. Especially Murphy. Why did the only living person who could see her have to be fucking Murphy?

The Haunting of Kane Manor (Rated M) [Bellamy/Clarke]

Summary: When Roan offers Clarke and Bellamy a hundred grand to stay at a fake haunted house for a night for his new reality TV show, they jump at the chance. But what happens when it turns out to actually be haunted?

cause i know in the morning you’ll be gone (how am i supposed to carry on?) (Rated T) [Echo/Wells]

Summary: Wells liked things to make sense.

Allying themselves with Azgeda when the opportunity came up made sense. Doing whatever it took to make that alliance stick made sense. Entering an arranged marriage with a woman he’d never met for the sake of his people made sense.

The butterflies in his gut whenever he locked eyes with the Azgedan ambassador who was decidedly not his fiancée made no sense at all.

Imitation (Rated M) [Murphy/Emori] *Major Character Death*

Summary: In a remote research station on the planet Nakara, Emori is just starting to get into a rhythm with her work when things take a turn for the worse. It starts off with a dog bite but it leads into a desperate race to survive, as the infection spreads and it turns out that her fellow teammates aren’t all who they appear to be. The race against time will involve keeping emotions and personal feelings in check while trying to stop the creatures from picking them all off one by one.

you can stand under my umbrella (Rated T) [Clarke/Murphy]

Summary: Abandoning the children was definitely a no-no on field trips. But does it really count when you’re just completely, genuinely lost in a corn maze?

OR

After six years of working with him, Clarke still doesn’t know Murphy’s first name, and at this point its definitely too late to ask.

Mad Women (Rated T) [Gen Fic]

Summary: Four-hundred-and-twenty-three days in the never-ending darkness of the uncharted universe, and Murphy’s starting to wonder if space madness really is setting in. At least he’s not as far-gone as Raven, hidden away in her laboratory, fiddling with alien tech; or Clarke, who is steering them steadfastly into the deep unknown of ‘haunted space.’

Something isn’t right here, even if Bellamy and Octavia don’t want to see it.

When their little ship receives a distress call from an old friend, the tensions between captain and crew finally come to a head, and Murphy faces more than one unpleasant truth.

Bury a Friend (Rated M) [Murphy/Emori, Bellamy/Clarke, Raven/Shaw]

Summary: As part of their Halloween tradition of trying to scare themselves, Emori, Murphy, Bellamy, Clarke, Raven and Shaw decide to step it up this year by exploring an abandoned Asylum - only, it’s not as abandoned as they once thought.

it was only a dream? (Rated T) [Spacekru]

Summary: It’s just another ordinary day on the Ring until someone points out that it’s Halloween. That’s when things get weird.

the ghost in you, she don’t fade (Rated E) [Bellamy/Clarke]

Summary: The wooded area behind the Collins’ property stretches for about nine square miles with the highway into town bordering the far side and the Blake property guarding the southernmost corner. Nine square miles.

It might as well be a million.

Clarke takes another fortifying breath.

It does no good to think about Bellamy. He’s no longer part of the equation. He’s made that abundantly clear.

The Wanheda Tape (Rated T) [Gen Fic]

Summary: “It’s the Wanheda Tape. You gotta remember this. It happened like five or six years ago. Those dumbass college kids went into the woods out past the auto shop and got lost and never came back… Seriously, what were you two doing in the fourth grade, living under a rock?”

de omnibus dubitandum (Rated M) [Lexa/Echo/Josephine]

Summary: After vampires took over the world, the Hunter Association was the only thing that stood between the creatures of the night and the rest of humanity. Lexa, commander of the association, was determined to bring the world to a better place, no matter the cost.

And then she met Josephine Lightbourne.

slay your demons (Not Rated) [Jasper & Monty]

Summary: He doesn’t like this. He never has. There is a reason he self medicates with booze and drugs: It’s to stop seeing people like her - dead people.

OR

Umbrella Academy AU but make it Monty and Jasper.

More Than I Do (Rated T) [Gen Fic]

Summary: Mysterious circumstances surround the sudden tragedies afflicting Clarke’s loved ones. Can she figure out why before she loses everyone she cares about? Maybe not, but she’s willing to die trying.

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Honorable Mention of this submission to the Non-Anon Collection. It won’t be counted in the voting, but we’d love for you to read it!:

I’m Demon Proof, Baby (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] by Anonymous

Summary: Arcadia Investigates is well into its fifth or sixth season, depending on how you count it, and Wilmington Hospital has been just begging for a visit.

Clarke thinks it’s very scary. Murphy thinks it’s very fake.

Bellamy and Emori are mostly just there to make sure someone gets some usable footage.

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Please try to read as many fics as you can, take some note, leave some kudos/comments for the authors, and don’t forget to vote!