#i think that im way smarter than i actually am and i hate myself for it

[slashafras]

Why I don't think New Vegas was retconned

SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW PROBABLY For a little context; I am only focusing on the New Vegas retconning thing and not everything the show possible retconned or changed, etc. I'm also ignoring the timeline of the NCR being bombed because I think the timeline along with the NCR has been fucked since Todd Howard got his grubby hands on Fallout. I will be assuming that the show does take place 15 years after New Vegas though. (FNV is my favorite video game off all time. I have played through every single ending of FNV multiple times; the Fallout series has been my special interest since I stumbled upon Fallout 2 in 2006.)

All of the endings for FNV hinted at chaos and destruction. The NCR was already stretched too thin. The legion would fall when Caesar inevitably dies. House's Vegas would only allow the richest people to survive. And with the independent route riots break out with no one properly taking control. (Also I don't think I've seen anyone ever talk about how at the end of the wild card route Yes Man upgrades himself to be able to say no??? I feel like with this rouge AI he would possibly take out all the humans??? AI scares me though so this is probably just a personal thing)

While they both suggest/say that in the end Vegas prevailed the show takes place 15 years after FNV. A lot can happen in 15 years, especially with no real order/controlling power.

I feel like this one is self-explanatory to anyone who has fallen on hard times financially, or anyone who lives in a capitalistic society, Vegas stayed as it was at the start, with only the wealthiest wastelanders being allowed in. There's only so long a society can survive while just being one big casino.

Though the slide doesn't say outright that the NCR is stretched too thin to keep a hold on Vegas pretty much every fucking character you talk to in game does- including Caesar.

If Cesar lives he takes Vegas as any other city he's taken over, and that's fine until he dies. even if the brain tumor doesn't come back he wont live forever. When he dies Lanius takes over. Lanius doesn't take Vegas as Caesar took other cities, he destroys it.

So- even if Vegas wasn't bombed by VaultTec/Hank Maclean/whatever I think it would have fallen all on it's own.

If you disagree with me at all or have something to add I genuinely want to hear it. I like hearing other people's opinions and how other people interpret the same information.

If I sounded like an idiot in this please tell me that too, I am so insanely sleep deprived from moving literally all the way across the US.

[29121996]

.

[leolaroot]

not even close to informed or involved w the current republican ao3 staff drama (obviously) but im reminded of that poll that was going around star trek tumblr that asked "do you think a bigot could be a trekkie?" and dozens of people were giving their impassioned takes of how OBVIOUS it is that trek could never be enjoyed by someone whos racist or homophobic or disagrees with Their Personal Beliefs. never minding how star trek is full of bigotry both fantastical and real-world. even the highly praised "progressive" elements like televisions first interracial kiss! (was not actually tvs first interracial kiss) when watched in context its a white man being forced onto a black woman. never mind the wide swaths of openly right wing fans who love the franchise. i like it and im Progressive, so it Must Be Progressive And Revolutionary.

people who identify strongly by their personal perception of their own political beliefs have a knee jerk angry reaction to learning that people with other beliefs enjoy the same things as them. its why certain misogynistic rock fans dedicate their online existence to shitting on babymetal or whatever. its why any tumblrina has ever made a post about liking something in a way that is inherently more clever or thoughtful or deep than any other fan does (bc theyre smarter than Those Fans and not like Those Fans and tbh Those Fans are Not Real Fans)

of course a person can support the republican party while also working for ao3? there are republicans who consider themselves lgbt allies. there are gay republicans. there are gay people who are white supremacists and antisemites and transmisogynists and xenophobes. there are people who masturbate privately to the fantasy of trans bodies qnd its alluring specifically BECAUSE of how publicly they devalue and despise trans lives.

when you learn that you enjoy something thats also enjoyed by bigots, the response shouldnt be to defend yourself, or launch into no-true-scottsman bullshit, or to forcibly distance yourself from those bigots. the appropriate response is to return to the source material and ask yourself why it might attract bigots. ask yourself whether you noticed those themes the first time. (its maybe more obviously true that a fanfiction archive accessible to anyone will have a lot of highly offensive shit, sure, but this is true for any movie, book, or tv show you enjoy.) ask yourself this: if watching a tv show with gay characters ISNT enough to make a person an ally, what am i doing that makes myself at all different from those people?

you will struggle find a fandom or media property or piece of art that is one hundred percent pure and untouched by cruelty or hate. because everything and everyone is the product of the world they come from. make personal judgements and pay attention to the underlying intent and messages of the media yiu internalize and share with others. i dont remember what this post was about. OH YEAH its not even slightly surprising or confusing to anypony who thinks for more than a second that the "my free speech at the expense of anyone's comfort (including the comfort of the people im writing porn about. and yes that includes sexual rpf of child actors)" website would have right wing support. oky bye

[themiserablechick]

Like im Not going to pretend that i am not and avid Coriolanus Snow fanfic enjoyer but when I think about to hard it makes my head hurt, like this man is evil like genuinely evil and does absolutely disgusting things, and amoung TikTok and tumblr it’s almost forgiven because of pretty white boy tears. I know joke have seen “why did Lucy leave :(“ takes and almost blaming her for him being batshit insane when he has obviously always been this way.

The hunger games fan base loves to insert themselves into this world built by Suzanne Colin’s while not realizing that this isn’t fake or pretend this is real this is happening right now and it’s easy to pretend to be in warfare when you’re not actually in it but there are people who are dying in real life, Coriolanus Snow isn’t a made up figure but inspired by real life atrocities. (Like guys I literally saw “what id wear in the hunger games” tiktok”) We must face that in the hunger games we are not rebels we ooo and aw and gawk at the eccentrics, of it all. (This also leads back to my Finnick take that some people hated but whatever.)

We see children in the capital of the hunger games wear Katniss inspired braids that’s who we are truly, to have the ability to fantasize about warfare or rebellion and not having to worry about our houses being bombed.

and I’m not excusing myself from this behavior because guys I love to read a good Coriolanus fic I am apart of the problem I know this. I am complicit we are all complicit. And I’m not telling people to not write it obviously it’s just something to think about.

Side note: on my Finnick take I got a lot of “he’s not real! He’s a character and he’s hot shut up.” and sure Finnick isn’t real but he represents something very real he represents very real people.

Anyway watch the Princess Weekes Video about this she’s smarter than me

[truetransoul]

I hate when people tell me I'm smart because i just don't believe them like i spent my entire life not only been around people i felt were smarter than me (weather or not they actually were) but also like as a kid i got bad grades and was constantly being put into different programs and given what felt like special treatment like being allowed extra time on tests, calculators, and being allowed to type essays and even with all that help i couldn't keep up with anyone and all that just makes it hard for me to believe people think i have intelligent or interesting things to say

Like ive lived this life full of being given extra things in order to keep up and still falling face first in the dirt at every step and full of being made to feel like those tools that allowed me to even be at the level i was at were an unfair advantage i had over other people and like thats affected me a lot

Im deeply uncomfortable with being called smart like every time it happens i feel like its pity or a lie and even if thats just a result of trauma that i faced in school that i know isn't true i can never shake the feeling that i am dumb and when people treat me like i am smart (which i know to some extent i am no matter how difficult that is to admit to myself) i feel belittled by it in a way and i feel like i just need to be treated like an idiot sometimes but like in a kind way that also doesn't feel belittling or insulting

Its a hard thing to explain how i feel i need to be treated but like the only kinda thing i can think to compare it to is like kink and while thats good and i like that stuff i think that environment is kinda belittling sometimes to and i don't need that kinda energy in my day to day

I guess the main thing is that when i call myself stupid people correcting me may feel like they are being gentle and sweet but they're making some internal bullshit in me feel like its suffocating and while i appreciate them being nice those compliments will fall on deaf ears at best or at worst make me feel like they're hurting me

[calclaws]

9 and/or 10 for the ask game

Thank you for the ask!!!

9) worst part of canon

I hate the trans Garrison arc for the most part. Although I found some parts of those eps funny. But I hate the first episode. It's just not even funny. I know that's a pretty basic part to dislike especially because I have gender dysphoria myself and I'm sensitive about it. I know it's South Park so people act like you're not allowed to be offended by it because it's South Park. I think that's stupid. Tbh I don't think I would have liked it if I felt it just tried to offend people all the time. I think there's a way to go about offensive content and satire and sometimes I feel South Park misses the mark or does it well. Probably controversial opinion but I actually liked the Board Girls ep because to me it mocked the narrative of trans women joining sports just to beat cis women. I mean....they literally said that he wasn't really a trans woman and the plot was so over the top and silly that I saw it as mockery of the narrative. Like that ep where the Japanese were selling Chinpokomon to kids to get influence them to bomb Pearl Harbor. Then the other plot was about Cartman being upsetti spaghetti that the girls were better at board games than the boys so they wanted to kick them out...kind of mirroring how women's teams were invented because men couldn't handle being beaten by women (i think? I heard that and im not citing my sources). But idk maybe im wrong. I obviously don't know the intent. I can only make my own analysis. People are gonna see things and want to use it to be reinforce their own narrative. However, since I am an idiot with an English degree I think that my media interpretations are always correct and im smarter than everyone. (jk)

Anyway, I'm getting way off topic. But whatever.

10) worst part of fanon

I'm gonna be so boring and I admit I have no idea....😭😭😭😭Fanon stuff doesn't often bother me because while there are ways I'd never write a character, I often don't mind reading it or seeing it. Plus it's South Park. They're children in the show and somewhat inconsistent and easy to project upon. I feel you could do a lot with them. I'm also not the most well-versed in what people do tbh.

[hopeididntscareyou]

As much as it hard to believe, I actually don't think about love, sex and all that life drama I usually talk about on here. The only reason i talk about these topics on here is because 1.) i dont trust anyone, i am my own bestfriend, i find that when i open up to ppl they always find a way to sabotage me. 2.) compared to my other stress relievers such as gaming, music and studying, my relationship issues don't really require a lot of mental energy because its all common sense. Other than that i have to deal with all these robotic bullshit on a daily basis.

These days I am so preoccupied with making money because I have been struggling to get a second job, which is quite depressing because I really don't understand why i cant get the fucking job when all these retarded workers could get it. But whatever, they don't know they're missing out on such an excellent employee like me. Its their loss.

Right now I am just focusing on what I have and honestly i'm quite happy that my gigs make me busy and keeping my cash flows. I am motivated to make money for the purpose of solving my problems - its not because im trying to live luxury like most people do. I still strongly believe that money is abundant, that it shouldn't be something more important than people who loves you. i hate those greedy motherfuckers who prioritize money than their family. Also, i am greatly influenced by one of my favorite philosophers, Henry David Thoreau, who was the OG of minimalism and simple living with nature. Society is crumbling because it keeps on pushing us to be greedy about things that we don't really need. I actually don't even think i need anything else in my life right now. I wake up acting like I already have all my needs met, call me delusional but i dont care. Its all within myself. Thats how I manifest my reality and the universe just follows. That being said, I have been always a business minded person ever since I was young. Its not because I cared too much about money but its more because I'm under the dark triad spectrum, that makes me more inclined to be motivated and succesful when it comes to getting profits.

I know i talked about some crazy shit not long ago about hooking up with some guy but quite frankly I dont even have time for him, im pretty much ignoring people on my snapchat and instagram right now because I dont feel like they are helpful with me chasing the checks at all, it just infuriates me how they waste so much of my time. i feel like talking/entertaining people who are interested in me is fruitless because its not like I have onlyfans. Honestly if i have onlyfans i would probably be rich right now because of the amount of simps i have both online and offline 😭 even though it seems pretty logical and smarter to do onlyfans, it just feels so wrong to me. as a person with strong beliefs, i just dont want to be associated with such a platform that is harmful for both men and women. i honestly dont know why i care for the humanity sometimes. but then again its probably just to feed my narcissism so in some ways i'm still cheating on my redemption

[refroged]

actually genuinely afraid of letting myself want things im not sure i can achieve

[heartofholland]

tom recs <3

hi guys! here is a fic rec list i made of all the fics i’ve loved. personally, i consider myself an avid fic reader so i have read a shit ton of fics. these are just my highlights. let me know if you want more like this! and if you do end up reading any of these please make sure you REBLOG them to spread the goodness. these writers work their ass off and deserve all the credit in the world. enjoy! <3

SERIES

riding my by @worldoftom this fic is barely started but i love everything this writer puts out. very smutty, very hot. innocence kink check!

breaking curfew by @wazzupmrstark ASSHOLE TOM! my weakness. enemies to lovers but make it FWB. what I wish my summer camp was like instead of my thighs sticking to chairs and lice outbreaks.

eighteen by @angelic-holland corruption/innocence kink! basically all smut but damn do i want bad boy tom.

the situationship by @fairytelling can’t say enough about this fic. the definition of falling in love with your best friend. if my relationship isn’t like this i don’t want it.

happiness is a butterfly by @blissfulparker soft mob!tom and they’re forbidden soulmates! updates are WELL worth the wait!

i only feel you by @stuckonspidey the first time i read my watch thought i was working out for how high my heart rate was. shit keeps you on your toes. there is a sequel fic but just a heads up you will want to unstan tom on multiple occasions.

make me love you by @mrs-hollandstan frat boy player tom turned soft. mans does a whole 180. fuck dom.

perfidy by @peeterparkr couldn’t be more obsessed with this fic. they’re both so fucking stupid but too afraid to get hurt. also the social media posts are so fucking cute and crucial to the story 

eloped by @worldoftom getting married to tom in the most beautiful vacation spot? sign me the fuck up

you. by @txmhoelland i think there’s definely worse men to be set up with as a PR stunt.

erotas by @farfromparker i have definely read this fic for more days than i’ve been on this earth but every time i lose my goddamn mind

dare you to move by @starksparker-archive the best version of FWB tom is when you’re his roommate…

gone by @dahliaspidey this one… hurts. but i just know it will bounce back.

take me out by @angelic-holland warning this one is really dark. like serial killers. but it was so fascinating i am completely obsessed with the psychology of it all. jake is featured and please don’t imagine the mr. music the entire time like i did </3

single all the way by @heyhihellowhatsup0 i read this whenever i need a lil christmas pick me up

sweetener by @keepingupwiththeparkers cute awkward relationship. it is so real i feel like it could actually happen to me.

ex on the beach by @heyhihellowhatsup0 THE ANGST GIVES ME LIFE

SMUT

bartender by @t-o-m-holland tom happens to own your favorite bar. your subtle flirts aren’t working. the banter between reader and the fam makes me wish i didn't have social anxiety.

siren by @rosyparkers don’t get me wrong i will scream ACAB til the day i die but police officer tom could definitely get it.

best of three by @mrs-hollandstan one of the 3000 threesome fics i have saved. imagine not getting one of the hottest men but TWO.

roommates by @hollandbaby what a coincidence we both want to fuck each other! this checks all the kinks my man. i’ve read this probably no less than 100 times.  

that was that by @moorehollandplz dom!tom but something flips and he’s never been more gentle. mans got both sides of the playing field covered.

know your enemy by @angelic-holland short but sweet. hate sex is always hotter behind the scenes.

wasabi by @angelic-holland literally everything about alice is phenomenal but this is on of my faves. when i read this it makes me feel smarter. also body shots.

say good night by @madmadmilk this writers work never fails to blow me away but this time she managed to encapsulate my entire life. (minus the execution with a very hot and experienced best friend).

buwygf-ib by @hholyholland just ignore tomdaya for a sec and take in the hottest dom!tom i’ve ever witnessed.

cocky by @sykoxartist yeah he’s an asshole but he’s your asshole. at least that’s what he thinks.

sovereign by @farfromparker sub!tom is so hot. man will beg for DAYS.

summer vacation by @kidney9-9  when is hate sex ever like…. not hot as fuck?

ride by @tomhollandsstan face riding. period.

coincidence by @starshinebucky actor!reader and tom fuck… at least they’ll have good chemistry next time.

skin by @hollandbaby dom!tom is not ok with being a sub. unless it’s for you.

you can bet on it by @kiwi-bitchez all of this writers smut makes my pussy throb. this is my fave. just wait for the twist.

a rose blooms by @cornacopicimagines prince!tom drives me wild. but wait til he finds out you’re not a virgin.

begging by @raewritesfiction tom makes you beg for it.

self reflection by @stuckonspidey this is actual proof tom has a praise kink.

minor inconvenience by @angel-spidey toms an idiot but at least he can get you off.

flesh by @starshinebucky cocky tom kills me.

keeping him nice and warm by @marvelouspeterparker mob!tom the gif itself to sends me.

after hours by @cornacopicimagines never had sexual tension with a teacher but this will do.

ANGST

josslyn by @multiharlot messy situation but reader handles it like a champ. if your heart isn’t broken enough, the last line will make sure it’s unfixable for days on end.  

moral of the story by @kelieah listen to the song while you’re at it to make your cry sesh take a turn for the worst. 

cherry by @xoluvx this one hurts real bad. so does the song. 

a complicated love story by @samhollandssweaters an emotional rollercoaster for real.

he dies in the end by @allfandomxreader ignore the title and just cry your eyes out with me.

eighteen by @fancyxholland you’ll be confused why it’s in the angst category but trust me.

all the lies by @peteywillproceed getting cheated on but the girl is toms gf, how do you tell him. 

memories by @nycparkers i sob to this whenever i need a good cry. 

don’t be a fool by @nycparkers breakups that dont end messily make me so fucking jealous.

FLUFF

kiss currency by @madmadmilk borderline smut. confused and oblivious harrison. dialogue inspires me to talk to males.  

plank all over me by @waitimcomingtoo FILRTY TOM! THE BANTER! i really am a whore for well written dialogue. there’s additional parts but i won’t spoil.

 playing cupid by @marvelobsessedteenager you set everyone else up but wait a damn minute how did you forget about tom?

 little flirt by @webslinger-holland oh to flirt with tom while he’s sweaty from intensely dancing for the lip sync battle.

pour it out by @rhapsodyparker i don’t know what it is but famous!reader going on talk shows or having interviews and they ask the reader cheeky questions about tom might be one of my many kinks…

hubby by @t-holland2080 it’s the small things that make me want to bawl my eyes out for being so lonely.

going live by @redrebecca the dialogue makes me cry of happiness! tom doing a live (what a concept).

paddy’s crush by @tom-holland-is-spiderman jealous tom but of his younger brother.

 wannabe by @sailingintothenight the cliffhanger at the end demands a second part.

flawless by @missnxthingg  tom is a simp.

you and me by @sunshinehollandd best friend tom makes me soft.

dick appointments. web shooters. the duality of a man. by @porterporker  it gets a lil steamy but man is “web shooter” a funny name for a dick.

best day by @thollandss dad!tom gives me baby fever even though i am a virg.

 tom asks your dad by @blissfulparker can i just skip through the bad boyfriends and just marry the love of my life already.

baked chicken by @waitimcomingtoo there isn’t a category for awkward but if there was this would be in it.

lover boy by @starshinebucky  tom being so oblivious you like him that you need to call for backup.

afterglow by @wickedholland i wish someone would treat me like this when im drunk instead of leaving me to hold my own hair back.

[supernova-151]

violetta season two: final thoughts

hiiiiiii. so. season two is over huh. damn. what the hell!!!! this feels like the end of an era. i started s2 in march and finished just the other day which...i think doesn't reflect well enough just how much i think this is technically the best season of the show. the plotlines are powerful, the characters go through real growth and are interesting, and it's actually unpredictable! there are plot twists, people! so. lets go through it like we did the first time: storylines, characters, ships, songs. you ready? i sure am(n't)

storylines

alright, so, let's get this out of the way: this season's villains are easily among the most multifaceted characters of the series. there is no "big baddie", in my opinion everything feels very real. the conflicts are human and the choices the characters make (not all the characters but we'll get there) feel grounded and sensical to their development. so much so that when you take these season's new villains (diego, esmeralda) and compare them to the regular s1 ones (ludmila, jade) you definitely feel that...you're watching a show that is growing up with its audience, you know? like you KNOW how much i love my girls but there's a tone shift there that is hard not to notice. despite all the new cast introductions and just how much we are working with, the season never feels particularly stuffy, and for one reason or another i found myself enjoying most of the plotlines. my glaring, impossible to ignore issue was with the jeremias storyline. it completely ruined that middle of the season and i didn't feel the desire to continue watching as much because of it. fortunately i stuck through it once and i can do it again, still...mid-season 2 is not exactly my favourite. despite this, first and last 15-20 episodes? i love them sm. the first ones bc the campiness of s1 gradually shifts into something else (and im not here saying s2 isn't campy but, you get me) and it has some absolutely stellar episodes in my opinion (the sleepover? fran's birthday???? though i think that's further than first 20 but we'll let it slide). and the last ones just bc i love the conclusions this season has for the characters: gregorio and diego, violetta and struggling to find her love for music again, ludmila and the weight of her actions starting to weigh down on her...it's (you guessed it!) a lot for my little heart!!!

(just bc i want to mention it, the racism plotlines were really not it though. the Chinese restaurant was in no way, shape or form influential to the plot so completely unnecessary stereotypes. and well, we all know why the esmeralda/german wedding was edited so. awful awful awful, but still, we should acknowledge it exists as much as it sucks. yikes.)

characters

last time i didnt properly introduce this, but i think with such a big ensemble we should divide the characters into three categories: hall of fame (my besties, my best friends, the yassiests), hall of shame (disappear off the face of the earth immediately or face my wrath rn), and in memoriam (one time thing, but we love you anyway). characters i don't mention are just the ones i have nothing to say about.

onto the hall of fame!

vilu stays a likeable and real main character once more. like im sorry i do not get the s1-2 vilu hate she is literally the main character???? like do you want the plot to just stay stale forever??? of course she's gonna make questionable choices! what are we even talking about. but my baby goes through SO MUCH this season, from angie to german to diego one right after the other like it was getting capital b Bad for my capital b Bestie there and im so so glad she found herself again in the end. her growth is so admirable, so much so that then s3 happens and everyone's like ???? but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

i have previously mentioned how i thought fran didn't get to shine properly in s1 due to a certain annoying whiny pissbaby nobody misses, but HELLO????? s2 opens the door for a much funnier, smarter and, let's face it, better character. i LOVE fran, she's one of my favourite characters! she gets her boytoy this season and it's what she deserves!!! and i love the fact that she canonically gets recognition from people around her for her voice because. HELLO. HER VOICE. ma'am i am completely head over heels for you. my Italian sister i ALWAYS said that

cami stays in this section. no need to explain why. i am so mad she gets so screwed over in the love department, but she is so so funny and the traffic light book was so 😭😭😭 when i stop and think about it realistically, i am probably personality-wise the most like cami, so i love to see that unhinged chaos...makes me feel represented yknow. well. i mean.

if we're talking chaos. let's open up this discussion. is ludmila ok? do we as a society need to create a trust fund to get this girl to therapy? probably. does she remain the most entertaining, off-the-rails, pathetic little bitch of the series? like why are you even asking me that. i said it in my s1 post, ill say it here: you can't like violetta as a show and not like ludmila. unfortunately she gets shot directly into your DNA and you cannot possibly escape from her. no matter how much you try. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY. i need this girl's confidence. i need her mentality in life cause this girl is always so sure she is the smartest in the room and it cannot be further from the truth and im sorry it is SO SO funny help. s3 is a rollercoaster for her so i am glad she's getting some rest rn. she'll need it.

speaking of characters you can't not like, naty remains my skrunkly ever. my babygirl. my little baby. i love her in ways the human mind will never understand. i want her to destroy me. she's in her emancipation era and i am cheering from the sidelines. she is MY hero. she is MY queen. she gave me the finest jealousy plotline she could. she gave me that damn drums scene and...lord have mercy on my soul. the best. THE best

leon, you, my man, are a powerful bitch. you are THAT bitch and you know it. iconic, spectacular, not ever been done before. he is the bi representation we always deserved. he is currently raising all of your standards and doing it flawlessly. nothing else to say. stay totally mental for us

and diego complements that perfectly. he is the insufferable bitch to leon’s irritability and he is unstoppable and he is a menace to society and i hate him and he is a lot but like. he is OUR trash raccoon yknow. like he is the worst but we collectively decided to leave food out the door so he doesn’t have to keep ravaging our bins. you get what i mean.

marco is here everyone clap!!!! pathetic meow meow!! this boy is wonderful he is corny as all hell but he is so sweet. and i love him dearly. i love this for us as a society we needed a marco i think.

angie…now i’m going to say something controversial yet brave cause you KNOW i love angie so so much…but i think she should’ve stayed in france THERE I SAID IT. i’ll come back to this when i get to it in s3 but i really don’t like how after a while her plot is only exclusively jeremias/german related. with the decision to leave her life behind (and with that the toxic mindset that was keeping her trapped) the fact that she comes back in s3 and goes down THAT route again...is just very sad to me. i think she should've maybe come back for a few episodes in s3, slay the house down and put german in his place as she always does, and then keep living her best life in France.

jade has done NOTHING WRONG EVER. NOTHING WRONG EVER!!!!!! SAY IT WITH ME NOTHING. WRONG. EVER. good, let's move on.

gregorio gets the most memorable arc in the shape of a mid-life crisis that culminates in somehow becoming the best dad in the series. and we love to see it! my absolute beloved and once again, rodrigo pereira gives his most and i can only watch in awe. i don't trust people who don't like gregorio it has to be said.

parodi i am so sorry. i am so so sorry. you have no idea how sorry i am. i guess it happens to the best of us.

antonio is as always the only sane man in a world of crazy people. iirc at a certain point someone tells him (maybe dufre but im not sure) that he should open a whole new studio with new teachers and he's like. ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS IS MY CIRCUS!!! antonio my absolute beloved i am treasuring all the time I've got left with you because i love you so so much

and to no one's surprise, my favourite stays and will stay my queen, my legend, my moment, miss lena vidal. everyone clap for lena. she gets her 3-4 fun little episodes, brings the house down with her vocals, reads EVERYONE to filth and just leaves again. the MVP. THE MVP!!!!!

and now, the hall of shame. but like it's always the same three men so.

german has no excuse to do the shit he does this season. and you'd think after the jeremias fiasco he like, chills down and learns from his mistakes?? absolutely not, he makes scenes in front of HER DAUGHTER'S CLASSMATES bc she won a contest and is travelling to another country. he wants to hire a BODYGUARD???? WTF???? unforgivable piece of garbage who needs to get as far from his daughter as humanly possible. your little piano moment won't work with me old man! you are a menace to society!!! get help!!!!!

i think we all agree with the fact that we should lock matias in a jail cell and lose the key. gaslighter gatekeeper manipulator mansplainer. AND HE GETS A HOT GIRLFRIEND????? UNDESERVEDDDDDD.

it's not marotti's worst season but i am a marotti hater so he should be included here. what are you gonna do, sue me? make me sign an NDA?

unfortunately pablo has to be moved to this section for this season. he is insufferable and rude and uncaring towards the people who need him the most and does absolutely nothing to fix or recognise his mistakes??? he gets a little better in the end but he is so nonsensical and suchhh a hypocrite. wdym angie can't leave because of family emergencies but jeremias can come and go as he pleases???? ASS!

dufre irritates me so im putting him here too

in memoriam of my sweet princesses:

lara, you were just a cool little mechanic. got swept up in probably the messiest couple drama of buenos aires and we respect you so much for leaving we really do, you deserve the world. esmeralda, MY GOD WHAT A SMART AND LAYERED CHARACTER. i am unapologetically in love with you. you were not campy enough to survive the season i fear. still waiting for your epic revenge plan against the lafontaines, i would love to see it. i so so wish we had an update on you- i wish you and your messy iPad kid the best. and jackie...you did not deserve s2 pablo i am so sorry. in the end, you probably only wanted the best for your uncle. were you still unnecessarily mean at times? yeah but i mean, you looked hot during it so. ok but for real i don't like how they just get rid of her character because they clearly had no idea what to do with her anymore, and she gets to be the "crazy girlfriend" when she had every right to be doubtful of pablo's relationship with angie!!!! jackie i see you i understand you and i love you. we'll meet again some sunny day but PLEASE stop doing that weird jump dance move it haunts my nightmares i swear. ana, every day i remember you're not a fever dream i have to stop and think about it. you, YOU are the undisputed chaos god.

ships

let's as always start with canon (as in happened during the season), and then non-canon (it was real TO ME).

leonetta remain as always THE canon ship for me. as much as i can not enjoy or care for side ships and endgames, leonetta always always set the standard and my god......the lengths these two will go to for each other is impressive yall. impressive. they're everything. and once again, im enjoying them before s3 comes and destroys them again.

also dieletta is there! it's a ship i enjoy exactly with what it is: it has its sweet moments but...diego was the antagonist of the season. that was the whole point. they have an interesting run and they ARE cute but the way they break it off it's pretty much impossible for me to imagine them ever working together in a romantic environment again. am i explaining myself correctly? probably not. whatever, you get it.

on the note of enjoying a ship for what it is, leonara had a good run too. i felt even more with my rewatch that lara knows that leon's heart is never truly in it, though, and that makes me feel so sad for her. she truly deserves better - not in the sense that leon wasn't a good boyfriend for her, simply because she doesn't deserve to be plunged in the middle of the messiest exes to lovers plotline ever.

marcesca i enjoy even only because fran gets someone GOOD who loves her and her only. but they're cute too so i actually enjoy them a lot. HE LEARNED ITALIAN FOR HER. HE FLEW TO MADRID FOR HER. omg their HUGSSSSS. you two will always have a special place in my heart.

fuck it, i'll say it: late brodmila s2 rights!!! those last few episodes with their over-the-top antics, from the "let's pretend we don't know each other" act to the trials (?????) to them just finally accepting how they're so different but similar at the same time??? AND THAT HUG AT THE END???? im not ready to talk about it actually its a lot. i found myself liking cami/seba in this rewatch, too, but the way they conclude that storyline absolutely sucks and though i do not enjoy s3 brodmila in my head i pretend everything is alright at the moment. once again, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

naxi are once again really cute! good for them happy for them! i won't go too much into it just cause i don't wanna start anything, but i don't really like their back and forth at the end of the season and how maxi goes from trusting to not trusting her one ep to the other. still. good for them happy for them.

fedemila are also really cute! i think i realised my problem with them is just that i don't like nor care for fede as a character very much 😭 he does a lot and is SO nice and supportive and we thank him for his service but idk. i tried really hard this time around but i still am completely neutral about him. sorry to this man. thank you for giving us the binary star metaphors though, that was absolutely epic of you. ludmila was READY right there in the fish tank i still find that so funny

and hey. let me mourn caxi for a second. i am the self proclaimed number one caxi enjoyer and i like to live in my little bubble of whatifs. they were something don't you think so. roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool. and if my wishes came true.........it would've been caxi endgame OR AT LEAST A BETTER STORYLINE. DO IT PROPERLY OR DONT DO IT AT ALL!!!!!

german and matias ships deserve absolutely no rights and thus i won't speak about them. on the same note, pablo/jackie too. im sorry, she deserved better.

onto the non-canon and hey, i know what you're here for.

nothing else to say. NEXT!

s2 is referred as THE franletta season and damn it you are all so right for that. the babygirls. the besties. they love each other so, so much. the Italy storyline was A LOT. fran couldn't bear thinking of her life without vilu AND VILU DID EVERYTHING TO KEEP FRAN WITH HER AND FRAN CAME TO HER FIRST WHEN SHE KNEW SHE WAS STAYING!!!!! they're wonderful. they're magical. they're perfect and they're holding hands rn

oh, have to mention: fran/ana? i am intrigued. i would like to see it. the vision has opened itself to me and i am visioning it. we shall see.

cadmila gave me a lot this season and i have to thank them anyway cause they're always on my mind for one reason or another but shh. let's all pretend they hate each other and didn't make out on stage during 2x80 si es por amor (which we very conveniently didn't get to see. hmm.)

shoutout to the biest couple ever dieleon. OHO, BISEXUALITY WON INDEED. it's about the touches, the nods, the tension, the stares, and no one told you to get that close to each other yknow. but that's your thing you do you kings.

jadangie have little to no interaction this season but hey, if us jadangie truthers had to go off of canon interactions only we would be nowhere right now. however, shoutout to the greats of this season! jadesmeralda (who i love love love and think of constantly) and angie/jackie (hard to keep in mind that they're not canonically exes). and also, because i thoroughly enjoy jade stealing the toxic men in her life's women, jarodi. it was good for me as a jade enjoyer this season.

songs

i must've said it a million times by now but it begs repeating: season 2 is, UNDOUBTEDLY, the best season music-wise. i LOVE these songs to bits. not even close. but let me illustrate this in a tier list because my feelings are many and my braincells are few. (please not that even the ones i put at the bottom i still love lol yes the season is that good)

in conclusion: season two is one hell of a season. i knew i was gonna have my fun with it and aside from a couple of issues i definitely did. and i hope you had your fun too following along! just to put things in perspective, i have around 580 posts tagged for s1 and nearly 1k for s2 💀 and oh my friends, my friends...imagine how s3 will be for me. im looking forward to it in the way that im going to be completely insane over it, and i mean it. COMPLETELY.

but for now, this is iris violetta s2: electric boogaloo, signing off 🫡

[musingsofmyown]

Hey babbbessss

I just gotta get this off my chest- thaanks

fair warning its v bad and deals with politics from my conservative step-father and contains his transphobic/political idiocy.

everything is tagged and you cant reblog

👍

Step-father when I call myself stupid: No no, you're so smart!! You're probably smarter than me!

Step-father when I explain transgender people and how gender is completely different than sex: WRONG YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! YOU'RE JUST BEING BIASED BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SAW ON THE INTERNET!

Me, internally: No, I just had a college-level biology class that I passed with a 98. Not to mention I am a part of the transgender community, but you'll never know because you have these bigoted view, oh and, you only watch Newsmax (conservative talkshow, probably satire/entertainment). Oh, also my morals dont come from politics and religion, they come from my own mind and guess what; Im a decent human being who doesn't impede on peoples' lives because of my views. Otherwise, you would have been roasted alive, I know more than you ever have because I actually apply myself to critical thinking and ethical standpoints regarding my own life and my effect on others. Also, you calling me a dyke and telling me I was a fucking idiot "with your lesbian shit" for the whole breakup was the absolute worst thing you could have ever done, we will never speak again once I move away, I have no obligation to you. Also may I add that you throw tantrums like a three year old when you dont get what you want when you want it, not a very good way to express your anger when I literally just said "I dont want to talk to your daughter for you, and Im not being friends with her so I can be in the middle again" I dont care if she's family, she's a shitty person and by default, not someone I want to interact with. So please, by all means, keep watching your show with nothing but biased op-eds and I'll be living in the real world and interacting with humans who go through the issues your show chastises. Kindly, never reproduce ever again, and stop telling my little brother (8) that two girls kissing is bad. Yours truly- the child who hated you from the start- Aspen.

P.S. maybe your daughter left you because you're the problem. Just a thought.

P.P.S. And yes, I am biased from the internet because I found people who think like I do.

PPPS stop picking political fights with me, you would fucking lose every time if I actually spoke my mind. Be lucky I love my mom enough to not outwardly hate you and your bullshit.

Me, externally: This is why I can't talk to you about these things.

Him, every. single. fucking. time: I promise I'll listen, I just want to know your standpoint *doesnt listen and corrects me when I say that gender is different from sex and transgender people arent a problem AT ALL*

[pinksparklelps]

I really need to get this off my chest. Whether to just, inform, or give myself some kind of peace of mind. Because i think about this so frequently and sometimes it gets so overwhelming. Everything will be under the cut, so please, protect yourself if you do not like to read about discourse/drama.

First things first, im gonna do what i REALLY dont want to do, and thats ping who exactly im talking to. Even if they dont work at all. @velvet-sword @fluffnstuffq you two. You two are the main sources of my endless thoughts.

I want to start this off with how childish you were. Your “proof” is not proof. I am not, and never will be that stupid asshole terf Florence. I am just as much of a victim as all of you, and you have no right to say otherwise. I guess i could say its my fault for getting so close to popular people that are/are nearly adults when im STILL a kid. And when all of that shit went down i was, what, 14? And you expect me to act like the mature one.

Im so tired of thinking of this almost everyday because you caused me, AND MY GF so much pain and paranoia. Why, WHY on gods green earth would i EVER want to be florence? Tell me. Give me what you think are my thoughts. Because let me tell you, I HATE ATTENTION. Good, bad, neutral, ALL OF IT!! I do not like to be complimented because i feel like i dont deserve it, i dont like to be yelled at because i feel like a failure, i hate when people even LOOK at me because who KNOWS what on earth they could think about me? Even if its just polite eye contact, the thought of someone watching me makes me freeze.

I admit, i have used gacha back then, and I occasionally use it now because the minigames are fun. Character creators are good because i can make characters like that if im not feeling inspired. But SOOO many people use gacha life/club/whatever. Whos to say one of you didnt or did have it installed? I have no proof it was you, you have no proof it was me.

And the fact that you were harassing more people just solidifies the fact that i made a huge mistake in idolizing you back then. I was just a kid who like a silly game about music and shapes, and you basically ostracized me from the entire fandom. I havent played the game in like 2 years because of the terrible memories of you.

And Blitz!! Remember that one person you mentioned that you got us all against? I know them. Theyre actually a nice person. AND. You and gingy. You crossed the line, especially gingy. Stealing my characters after the fact, redesigning them EVER SO SLIGHTLY, and making a goddamn story with them? Even my spiritual oc’s that represent parts of me. You guys are supposed to be role models. You are popular, and older, and you do this to a fucking child? Ive been more mature than youve been in that situation. You all sent hate anons when i just walked away. I wanted to leave but you kept chasing me. Funny how i got no more hate after threatening to block them.

Speaking of which, “changing typing styles.” Only way i change my typing/writing is for fanfiction/stories and when i meet new people. I naturally incorporate others words and phrasing into my language. Hell, one of my new friends got “skill issue” from me haha. It seems to me like you couldve been projecting. Taking your actions and saying IVE done them so everyone looks at me instead of you. Funny, since you care so much about justice. Justice for everyone except the child who was also a victim of tracing and cyber bullying.

And i cant BELIEVE you would think i was abusing my gf. Shes smarter than that you know. If she were in a bad situation i know she would want to leave. If i knew i were hurting someone i would feel so guilty and push who i was hurting away. Well it seems my “loving and sweet gf” facade has worked for 2 years huh. Impressive of me isnt it? No. Me and my s/o are happy and we help each other grow every day. I do something wrong? They point it out, I apologize and do my best to fix it, and vice versa. Unlike you, i know that we are happy and in a really healthy relationship.

And since im talking about all this, rainb! Yes you! You were so incredibly uncomfortable to be around. Just seeing you type was enough for fight or flight to kick in. You were so harsh and not at all understanding and its a miracle you were allowed to be a mod. Sometimes i wonder how many people in that server got hurt and how much the server has fallen into disarray. I just hope people get out of toxic situations like i did.

And lastly, how dare you make fun of my fucking vents. You, you all are utterly amazing! I couldnt even begin to THINK of the possibility of someone doing that! You fucking assholes. I can be scared of my mom and still seek guidance from her. Shes my MOTHER! And i did NOT hide behind her, and it was only ONE TIME when you all were ganging up on me in a private chat. Its not my fault i froze and fucking broke down because you thought i could cause mass chaos in a community i loved. The second you start making fun of someones feelings that they trusted you with, you have become the monster.

No matter how much I despise each and every one of you, i do not wish for you to come to harm, even though you so obviously deserve it. I hate that i want you to be happy. But my mom told me it shows that im just a kind person. Sometimes i miss you, and i hate it because you were awful. I wholeheartedly believe in karma, but i also believe you can do better. I want, need, and deserve an apology, but i know you wont give it. And even if you do, im never ever going to forgive you for what you did to me. I once almost committed suic*de because i couldnt contact you and i didnt want to lose my friends. I couldve been sent to the mental institute back then because i cared so much about losing who i loved. But i see i put my life in the wrong hands.

I felt so hopeless in that server, but in my new group, i see so many talented people and know i trust them. I love them, and i dont feel sad knowing im not as good as them. They are talented, and even if i cant fully see it, i am too. I could never see myself as good enough with you all. But now im happier, and have good friends and family that i know care about me, even if i dont fully think i deserve it. Im happy with where i am. Im happy with how much ive grown.

And even though it hurt so much, im happy i met you guys because it was a learning experience that i never asked for.

I dont care what you have to say to or about me anymore.

Im happy.

[blookmallow]

hi uhh this video about Anxiety Is Good Actually keeps being on my dash and its making me mad so this is me breaking it down 

if this kind of thinking helps you im not trying to destroy your coping methods but it just feels so far removed from what the actual experience of anxiety is 

i understand the value in trying to redirect negative self-thoughts into positive ones ( “i worry about people all the time” --> “i care deeply about people i love”) but there’s ways to do that without just, denying there’s anything wrong?? this just feels like the. whole issue with romanticizing mental illness/not moving toward positive recovery because I Dont Need To Change Myself when its actively harming you (not to mention “anxiety is good and helpful” is uh, not a great thing to say to someone with anxiety, bc then you get more anxiety spirals of ‘wait if this is how anxiety is for other people then whats wrong with me, i must be doing something wrong. i shouldnt need help and be having breakdowns bc apparently its easy and even beneficial to other people’ i dont need to be anxious about how im doing anxiety wrong lmfao) 

- where is this “anxiety means you’re intelligent” claim coming from. says Who. hyperanalyzing and overthinking constantly doesn’t make you Smarter, anxiety brain isn’t “im carefully and logically considering all the possibilities” it’s your brain trapping itself in a hell spiral of “what if what if what if” to the point where it becomes increasingly difficult to come to any conclusion at all. it’s not “considering all possible outcomes rationally” it’s “im spending 30 minutes worrying about the least likely thing to happen in a way that is not constructive and i need to recognize that and get myself back on track with whats actually relevant” 

my critical thinking is actively impaired by my anxiety. i sometimes have to go take a nap for 3 hours to reset my brain before i can even approach a problem because my brain is just going “no no no no no too big too scary i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant” too loudly for me to even consider any options at all. “anxiety can make you better at decision making!” is the biggest fucking bullshit claim i have ever seen. anxiety PREVENTS me from decision making. it makes decision making a huge ridiculous ordeal when it really doesn’t need to be. i have to go through a whole process of quieting my anxiety down and working around it in order to do anything at all. its like if you had an alarm system for your house but it went off just constantly all the time for no reason and you have to keep getting up to turn it off. eventually you’re going to have a hard time being able to identify when it’s actually going off because someone’s breaking into your house and when it’s just Doing That Thing Again and you keep losing track of what you were doing because you keep getting interrupted by having to turn that stupid alarm off again

anxiety isn’t “constantly looking for how to solve things” its “constantly thinking of new problems that could exist” in a way that is not beneficial. ill be sitting here feeling sick and completely disoriented for an hour because What If The Customer Service Guy On The Phone Thought I Was Stupid. Maybe I Am Stupid. Maybe I Was Accidentally Rude In Some Way I Never Considered And He’s Going “Wow What A Stupid Rude Bitch That Was” for literally no reason. sure that also means “i have empathy for other people and i want to be polite and not make someone else’s life difficult��� but im mostly just thinking about How Stupid I Am, You Stupid Fucking Idiot which is not helpful

like if i recognize “this is my anxiety talking” and just. silenzio bruno. ignore that, put that away, move on, focus. that’s a much more healthy way to cope than indulging it on another spiral of “how is this Actually My Little Anxiety Buddy Trying To Help Me” trying to find some meaning and purpose in it isn’t going to help. anxiety is irrational. that’s what it Is. it’s okay and actually healthy to realize that. my best coping skill is to just say “okay, that was a brain glitch. that wasn’t my fault. im not stupid, my brain just has bad wiring. ignore that. keep going” 

- “we can think of it as our anxiety giving us an extra energy boost to get things done” fucking WHAT?? i cant get anything done because of my anxiety. i will bury myself in 19 blankets and stare at tumblr for 5 hours because my brain Won’t Start and i feel sick and worried and shaky for literally no reason instead of like, getting up and cleaning my room. and then i spend another hour thinking about how useless i am for not cleaning my room. i can only get things done at all bc i have medication that makes my anxiety quieter 

- they have this cute little image of “anxiety” telling you to tell the store person you need more time to decide as if it’s there shouting solutions and advice when really it’s more like “GO GO GO GO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER NOW YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE LINE YOU’RE BEING THAT GUY HURRY HURRY HURRY HURRY IF YOU DON’T DECIDE SOMETHING IN 3 SECONDS EVERYONE IN THE STORE WILL HATE YOU AND YOU WILL DIE” its not constructive, it’s not a helpful little advice friend, it’s just random loud static you have to work around constantly. of course it’s okay to need a second to process because of your anxiety but that’s not what anxiety Does. i cant ask for a second to process because my anxiety is so loud i cant think and it has convinced me if i dont act normal Right The Fuck Now everyone will hate me forever. i guess a more effective illustration would be like, the Anxiety entity going “AAAAAAA” and instead of you thinking “im stupid and terrible because i cant control that thing” you go “hang on a second, i need a minute” and you step away to calm it down. instead of. the anxiety just offering you a solution. for itself. i dont understand this video 

like. what the fuck are you talking about. “you can do it!! you got this!” is literally the exact fucking polar opposite of what anxiety brain is like

[wizisbored]

Is there ever a point where Charles or anyone else starts to wonder if Lydia's imaginary friend isn't so imaginary?

in terms of adults, the hospital staff are all used to this sort of thing, and so with the exception of her therapist they dont think too hard about it. the only thing that gives them second thoughts is the fact that they keep finding her in places that, by all measures of her progress, she shouldnt have the stamina to get to on her own. like, shes just starting to manage self-propelling her wheelchair and then suddenly she pops up taking photos on the other side of the hospital. after a while she starts claiming that a demon helps her get around, and maybe it becomes a joke among the staff that it really is a demon helping her turn up all over the place, but nobody really believes it. it remains a mystery to them how she does it.

i feel like delia would be more open to believing in beetlejuice and the whole half-ghost ordeal than charles - its a mixture of her being more open to that kind of thing in general and her sort of overcompensating for not listening to her before. lydia is never quite sure if she genuinely believes her or if shes just trying to be nice, but either way she can see delia's making an effort to better understand her.

charles, at first, has the same vibes as he does when delia is doing her thing in the musical - the rather unconvincing 'thats nice sweetie' kinda reaction. im not 100% sure how this progresses, but im considering having lydia do something that straight-up proves hes there; throwing her blanket over him or passing him her book. and charles - who admittedly has been talking to ghosts he doesnt fully believe in for around 2 months - has to just Deal With That, i guess. honestly this man is just happy his kid is alive, her new pet demon is a rather small issue in comparison.

and in terms of the kids, i dont think skye had any strong prior convictions about wether ghosts are real or not, but lydia is a Cool Older Kid so yeah of course beetlejuice is real. occasionally she'll ask what hes doing, or rather innocently try to make conversation with him. beetlejuice has no idea how to deal with this small kid that his slightly larger kid has banned him from trying to scare.

ive only actually thought up one oc kid for this fic - theres going to be at least 4 background character oc kids - but oh boy do i know how he feels about beetlejuice. benji is maybe 12, and i am very much basing him on an exaggerated version of myself when i just discovered what atheism was. this boy is big into Facts and Logic, will not entertain lydia's ghost stories for a second, and thinks shes a fool. very smug about the fact that hes so much smarter than a kid 3 years older than him. he sleeps in the bed opposite lydias and she fucking hates him.

[kai-anakin]

I love you

Summary: Theo and Y/N never got along. The pack knew this, their friends knew this, everyone knew this, but as a tragic attack leaves Y/N badly hurt... Theo starts to realize what he truly feels for Y/N

Warnings: Angst, kinda slowburn

Authors note: this is my first fic ever so it might not be that good but I hope y’all enjoy 🥺

——————————————————————————

I had gotten a call from Stiles a few minutes ago telling me to hurry my ass out of my house for a new pack mission. He has been my best friend for years and the only other human besides myself in the McCall pack. I was assigned to go with Scott to find our newest enemy alpha leader. He was said to have a large pack of betas and known to be dangerous and would do anything for power. Yah not scary at all right.

As Scott and I left his car, we realized we walked into a trap. Multiple betas came hurdling at us as we tried to defend ourselves. One beta, probably just turned recently, came for my throat and left a huge mark. My neck was burning but I had to fight back or he would probably rip my throat out. Another beta came at me fast and I didn’t have time to react. They clawed at my abdomen. The room looked as if it was spinning and my head was pounding. I could tell I was losing a lot of blood already. Luckily Scott was there and managed to help us both escape into his car. He noticed the amount of blood I was losing and rushed me back to his house where the rest of our pack resided.

Everything was fast paced now. I could hear Stiles and Liam panicking as Lydia and Malia were yelling at Scott to rush me to the hospital. Lydia ran for her keys while Scott hurried me into his car. Derek was planning on driving, knowing how reckless Scott would be if he was driving while stressed. I looked around in the vehicle and everyone in the pack was present. Everyone but Theo. Of course he wouldn’t come, why would he? Actually it was quite a surprise that he didn’t come to laugh at my demise. To mock me for being weak and defenseless. To tell me how I don’t deserve to be in Scott’s pack. I tried as hard as I could to block out any thoughts about him, but I hate him so much sometimes he’s all I remember, all I can think about.

I always gloated to Theo about how much better I was than him. Now look at me, lying on my death bed barely breathing. A few minutes later I could hear the doctor outside telling Malia I would be fine after she threatened to rip his throat out. Typical Malia, her hearts in the right place at least, gotta love her for that.

The thought of coming out of this alive was unbelievable. I was human, I’m meant to be expendable but here I am. I survived. And with this thought I blacked out once again.

It’s been a few weeks since the incident and I started to recover slowly. I decided to make some popcorn and sit down to watch a movie when I heard a knock on my door. It was probably Stiles coming back to check in on me so I hurried to the door.

Once I opened the door I saw Theo. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Bags under his eyes, messy hair, pale skin. I didn’t want to admit it but at times he made we wish I didn’t hate him the way I did. It was no secret that Theo was incredibly attractive and almost everyone at beacon hills high school was in love with him. Everyone but me. We stared at each other for a while until I finally motioned for him to come into the house. He seemed more tense than usual and I really wanted to ask why but at the same time my ego got in the way.

We stood in silence for a bit without saying anything to each other. My stitches started to burn and I winced in pain. I guess Theo seemed to notice because he rushed over and helped me onto my couch. He finally decided to say something.

“So I heard about your injury” he said awkwardly, trying to make conversation

“Yah it’s better now” I said giving him a small smile

“Why did you go with Scott”

“What?”

“Why did you with him? You’re human, you know you would get hurt if you went against a whole pack of betas and an alpha” he said, his voice getting louder after each word

“He’s my friend, no one else could’ve gone with him because it was such short notice and we needed intel. I trust him with my life”

“You could’ve gotten killed by the way, do you understand that?” I’ve never seen Theo so angry and seeing him act like this annoyed me. Why was he doing this?

“Guess what, I’m alive and now we realize that the alpha is smarter than we expected. Enough intel has been obtained and now we can plan better for our next attack”

“What if you weren’t so lucky? What if I had lost y-” Theo was quick to stop himself. I didn’t hear the last part since he got so quiet.

“Why does this even matter to you? You hate me don’t you. Go about your day. Mock me. Make fun of me. That’s all you ever do right?”

“You really don’t get it do you”

“Get what? You hate me, I hate you. Why do you care so much, is it cause you won’t have anyone to belittle anymore if I died? Or is it cause you wanted to be the one to finish the job” I screamed in frustration

At this point Theo was mad. He looked at me, blue eyes piercing through my soul. I needed an answer. He can’t just come barging into my house, then tell me what to do.

“Why are you so quiet? Tell me why you came here.”

“ITS BECAUSE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

Theo realized what he said and quickly turned around, not able to look into my eyes. I still couldn’t process any of it. Was this just another trick to make me vulnerable? I hated him, I need to hate him. I couldn’t let my feelings get the best of me and let me expose myself to him. Theo started walking towards the door and grabbed the handle. I had to stop him. I knew the answer now.

“Theo..” I said so lightly but I knew he heard me. He was a werewolf after all.

He stopped before he could open the door, slowly turning to me. Theo still couldn’t face me but I inched closer to him. I didn’t need superhearing to hear how fast and loud his heart was beating. He couldn’t have been lying. I’ve never seen him so vulnerable.

“Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t owe me anything in return, I’ll leave now”

I moved my hand to his face, we were both afraid of what was happening but we let it happen. We wanted this. He flinched slightly at the touch of my hand at his face.

“Y/N I didn’t realize it at first, but all those times we fought, made fun of each other, teased one another... I enjoyed that. I missed you so much. Over the last few weeks I finally understood how much you mean to me. I can’t lose you Y/N. I was afraid that you would get hurt again which is why I was mad. You make me feel something no one has ever made me feel. I love you Y/N”

“Theo... I guess I didn’t want to come to terms with how I felt about you. Considering how annoying you were when we first met” the both of us laughed, remembering all those times we would tease each other to our hearts content. “But now I know, I love you theo raeken”

Theo started to smile and I could see him shy away. He lowered my hand away from his face and held it tightly. He took my face with his other hand and we looked deeply into each other’s eyes. We both wanted this so badly but neither of us could start it. I guess Theo couldn’t handle the tension anymore (he was always the more impatient one) and he smashed his lips onto mine. The kiss was innocent but intense all at once. If we didn’t run out of air we could’ve been doing this for hours. As soon as we started to stop breathing heavily he grabbed my waist and kissed me again. I moved my hand to his hair as he moved his lips to my neck. I never wanted anything more than him.

Unfortunately our fun came to an end once we heard Stiles’ Jeep pull over. I guess he finally remembered to check in on me. This boy never had good timing. EVER.

Stiles made a grand entrance through the door and saw me and Theo in each other’s arms.

“What the hell happened here?!?”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.