#but i feel like roman has definitely wormed his way into the personal side of gerri's life

[ripclaudia]

hi! ok i was thinking about roman and gerri (as one does) and wanted to see what others think so i’m sharing my tinfoil hat theory here if that’s cool! i feel like there’s so much speculation about why gerri indulges roman and i’m a believer that she’s genuinely fond of him, often likes his company, enjoys their “encounters” etc. but i was also considering the idea that part of why she’s so close to him (and also lenient and understanding of his horrible behavior) is out of a sense of guilt? like there’s this angle to their relationship where she’s known the siblings since they were kids, seen how logan treats them, often stood by as they’re mistreated and stayed loyal to logan anyway and i think it’s possible there’s some level of shame about that. like an underlying guilt for a) the horrible things she’s done working for waystar and b) the abuse she’s seen occur to the children and within the family. maybe this is totally off-base but i could see her way of dealing with that being choosing one of the kids (one she already has some amount of affection for) and taking him under her wing, acting as a mentor, comforting presence, sexual outlet, etc. and maybe she has a hard time totally cutting ties w/ roman when he ignores her boundaries because she feels some responsibility for the person he’s turned into? i’m saying this as someone who adores both gerri and roman as characters but also of course they’re both morally bankrupt and i think that’s part of what makes it so interesting. i’m super curious to hear your thoughts! and it’s cool if you think this is totally wrong lmao

hi! it's absolutely okay to share this here, there's nothing i love more than hearing people's thoughts on roman, gerri or romangerri!! especially when the theories are super interesting, i have to say straight away that i love how your brain works.

it's an interesting point that gerri might have some level of underlying guilt or shame about the things she has done and she has witnessed but i personally don't feel like it'd be something that would lead her to mentor one of the kids. i think that she is very good at compartmentalizing and separating her work life from her personal life and the roys have been firmly part of the work life. when working, she is the stone-cold killer bitch and i think that she is self-serving enough to think that she's just doing her job (re. the horrible things she's done for waystar) and that it's not her place to intervene (re. the roy kids). i'm kind of reminded of the sin cake eater speech from 1.04.

i also don't think she consciously regrets the things she has done or hasn't done so for me, it's not guilt that drives her to mentor roman or be more lenient with him. you mentioned responsibility which is something i see working here, though in a different context: gerri is the authority figure in their relationship and i think she feels responsible for the direction their relationship has taken. so not exactly responsible for the person roman has turned into but rather for the state of their relationship, in a way?

your theory is absolutely valid though, i personally just see things differently! i see gerri's interest in roman starting as something self-serving and mostly purely professional, which then gets complicated by genuine fondness for him and obviously by introducing the sexual aspect to their relationship. for me the fondness she has for him is the key player in why she's so lenient with him, not exactly guilt. and also the fact she knows he's a little bit fucked up.

this was super interesting to think about! i haven't spent time thinking about guilt in this context and it was really cool to think about your perception of the situation. it's so nice how people have different reads and interpretations of the relationship between characters! if u have any follow-up thoughts or questions or commentary or anything feel free to send them in whenever <3

[sidespromptblog]

He Didn’t Mean To: Part 2

One

Warnings: General angst, Virgil being scary, hurt/comfort, and threats. 

Summary: After dealing with an intrusive thought involving Janus, Remus is left reeling after he accidentally hurts the other side while going through his own self-destructive thoughts. And before Janus can even recover from it, Remus is gone...

Word Count: 1,692

Remus could not believe that he was here, of all places his frazzled mind had to choose here of all places to go. 

He could have gone to Roman, he could have gone to Virgil for help, and hell he could have even gone to Patton of all people. But he had to choose the person who was least likely to help him in his time of need. 

Logan blinked down at him, quizzingly, the dark circles from a sleepless night etched under the logical side’s eyes. “So…” He sighed, pinching the slope of his nose as he looked back at Remus again, “Why are you here again? What does any of this have to do with me? Don’t you hate me or something, right? Or you at least find me boring, correct?” He asked, sitting down heavily on his computer chair, before motioning to Remus to do the same on his bed. 

He didn’t know why Remus was here, and for all he knew it would be nothing but badness on his end to even let the wild creative side into his room in the first place. But…

Here he was. 

“I need your help.” That got Logan’s attention, as his eyes darted up and over to Remus, and narrowing his eyes he silently motioned for the other side to go on. “I…” Remus ran his fingers through his messy hair, the bruise and cut on his forehead stinging like crazy just from his casual touch alone. “Something happened, and I just… I need your advice on what to do next.” 

Logan’s eyes trailed up and down Remus’ body, taking in every fidget and motion that the other side was taking to avoid looking him in the eyes. It certainly was… curious, that the creative side was coming to him of all people. He wasn’t the kind of person to sugarcoat many things, and he had directly butted heads with Remus multiple times before this. So just the fact that Remus was here and not attempting to cause any kind of chaos, or even hurt him in any way was definitely… worrying for Logan to even consider. That something that must have happened must’ve really rocked Remus to his very core, or in the very least made him scared enough to come here. 

To Logan of all sides. 

“We’ve established that you need my help.” Logan cooly said, covering up the worry that was easing through to him. “But what exactly do you need it for? That’s what I’m wondering about… What happened, Remus?”  His tone shifted, starting with an almost haughty expression before almost immediately softening into a calm understanding look. He just wanted to understand what exactly he was supposed to be helping with, without that… 

How could he even help in the first place?

He hoped that Remus understood that…

Before him, Remus’ bottom lip wobbled a little bit, and Logan felt his stomach clench in worry, guilt, and suspicion. Remus' eyes looked shiny, like he was just mere moments away from crying right then and there. It was then and only then that Logan finally understood that whatever had happened, it happened to more than just Remus, and it was something that actually affected the other side, to the point of tears. The in itself was something that worried Logan, as he leaned forward in his chair reaching his hand out to lay overtop Remus’ knee. 

Just to stop mere inches away, as soon as the other side flinched. 

“Remus?” He asked softly. “What happened?” 

Remus’ breath hitched, and a heartbreaking whimper crawled up from his throat. Quickly he buried his face in his hands, determined not to let the logical side see him completely breaking apart at the mere thought of what he had done to Janus. Accident or not… it had still happened, and he had still hurt someone close to him. Someone… someone who he had never wanted to hurt in the first place, someone who.. someone who had always been there for him and someone who had always cared for him no matter what he was like in the past. 

The words came out regardless, like pulling apart bones. 

“I hurt Janus…”    

The sound of a fist slamming against a wall, and a foot stomping on the ground made both Logan and Remus look up from their conversation clearly startled, before looking to the entrance to the door that Remus had completely forgotten to close when he had barged into Logan’s room. His balled hand still pressed against the doorframe, and faintly… just faintly Logan could see the cracks of the wood from the strength of his punch. There in all of his terrifying glory was Virgil, standing like a dark silhouette against the incoming light from the hallway. Never before had Logan felt more scared of the anxious side, not necessarily for himself…. 

But rather for Remus’ sake.

“You what?” 

There was no mistaking the dark rumbling growl of his voice, as he took another step inside of Logan’s room. 

“What do you mean… you hurt him?” Virgil’s voice was dangerously quiet, but there was no mistaking the absolute pure intent to murder right then and there, as he stared Remus down as if he were nothing more than an enemy. “What. Did. You. Do?” He practically snarled, pacing forward slowly like he was a wolf with his hackles raised. 

Remus licked his lips nervously, his insides feeling like a pile of spaghetti flavored worms. “I.. I pushed him…” He softly admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “He tried to help me… and I pushed him…” 

Virgil’s eyeshadow had never looked more dark than it did now, as all of the air from Virgil’s lungs disappeared in an instant.

He had thought that the anxious side had looked intimidating before, but now… with the clenching and unclenching of his fists… It told Remus well enough what Virgil would do if he got his hands on him, and that it most certainly would not be pretty. 

The rage in the other side’s eyes was uncontainable, as he moved forward. He looked like he wanted to kill Remus then and there, he looked like the moment that he got his hands on him that Remus would be a dead man walking, and… he looked like he wanted to run off and look for Janus wherever the dishonest side was now. “I knew that I never should have left Janus alone with someone like you, you-”

Smoothly a wall of black fabric moved in between Remus’ line of sight, before Virgil could so much as take another step.

Firmly Logan stood there, not even moving a single inch even as Virgil’s chest almost bumped against his, and even as Virgil’s ragged breathing reached Remus’ ears. “That’s enough Virgil, if you’re going to be angry and if you’re going to be violent… then get out of my room.” To Logan’s credit, he didn’t seem even the slightest bit afraid of Virgil, even knowing that Virgil’s anxiety could throw his very room into disarray, Logan stood there calmly... like the eye of a storm. “So what will it be, Virgil?” 

For a tense solid second there was nothing, just the still air in which both sides stood against each other. 

Peering around Logan, Remus could see that Virgil was trying to visibly restrain himself and hold himself back from spouting off something against either Remus or Logan. He was angry, there was no denying that. But why exactly he was angry almost felt like a mystery to Remus, as it was more than obvious that Virgil hated him now that he had left them and joined the light sides. So this… emotion coming off of Virgil in waves felt more than a little odd to Remus, he had thought that Virgil wouldn’t care about Janus.

Or at least not this much.

“So what?” Virgil snapped at Logan, his teeth bared in what looked like a snarl. “You’re just taking his side now?!” He waved his hand to where Remus was standing behind Logan. “He’s fucking hurt someone Logan, that’s not exactly a good thing!” 

Remus couldn’t help but to flinch at the accusation that was being flung at him, a very honest accusation that he knew to be true. He had hurt someone, he’d hurt Janus, and that made him dangerous now. While he’d ‘attacked’ Logan and Roman, his damage had been temporary at worst or even just imaginary at best. But with Janus… he was sure that whatever he had done, the pain of it had been etched onto the other side’s face. It had… it had lasted. 

No matter how much he wished that it hadn’t. 

Logan raised his hand gingerly, as if that alone would quell Virgil’s rage. “He has come to me for help and advice, and help and advice is what he’s going to get while he’s in my room. Do you understand?” Logan softly asked, and as soft as his words were there was no mistaking the firmness behind it. It was fairly obvious that he was giving Virgil a chance to back down before Logan full on just kicked him out of his room. “I swore, didn't I Virgil? That anyone who needs my help would have a safe place in my room. Didn’t I? I swore it on my status as Thomas’ logical side.”

And just like that the wind seemed to have been taken out of Virgil’s sails, as the anxious side deflated a little bit. 

“Yes… yes you did.” Virgil muttered sourly, although not without a touch of fondness to his voice. They both knew just what Logan was talking about, and what exactly he was referring to, even if Remus had no idea. But without even missing a beat, Virgil cast a vicious glare back over to Remus, not even attempting to hide it from the logical side this time. “But if I catch you outside of Logan’s room…” 

The threat was left unfinished, but Remus knew exactly how it would end. 

Virgil would win, because Remus wouldn’t want to.

Not with this kind of fight.    

[frogsandcookies]

Cat Hoodies and Flirting

I bring you flirty Logan, flustered Patton, and dash of Patton angst. Accompanying this is a strange plot that takes a bunch of weird twists and platonic Prinxiety. 

___

Set after Moving On Parts 1 & 2

___

After doing his normal morning routine which consisted of washing his face, combing his hair, and changing into a suitable outfit for the day, Logan walked out of his room and down the stairs to the unusually quiet kitchen where Patton was sitting slumped over a bowl of cereal.

"I see the gift I got you fits well." Logan commented as he walked into the room, noticing Patton was wearing the cat hoodie the logical side had gifted him several days earlier. The sight of the moral side in the hoodie made Logan feel strangely proud; the look of joy on Patton's face when he had first gotten it a prize worth slaying an army for.

Patton looked up from his cereal bowl where a bunch of cheerios sat soggy in the milk, untouched. He gave a small smile, replying with,"Yeah, it's very fluffy and soft on the inside. And of course, a cat hoodie."

"I'm glad you like it." Logan said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Patton hummed in response, turning back to his cheerios which he was pushing around with a spoon in a disinterested and distracted manner.

Logan frowned, noticing Patton's lack of energy and pep. The moral side would have normally made several puns at this point and have lectured Logan about staying up until unholy hours of the night/technically morning.

He decided that his work could wait and joined Patton at the table, the latter looking up from his cereal once again.

"Don't you have work to do?" Patton asked, trying to conceal his dejected attitude with a happy facade.

"Yes but it can wait. Patton, I notice your usually bright demeanor is more forced today, is something wrong?" Logan questioned, a concerned expression making its way onto his face.

Patton forced a smile onto his face and said,"No, everything's okay!"

Logan sighed and placed his hand on Patton's, a gesture that shocked the latter. "Patton, I might not be Deceit--er Janus but I can tell that you're lying. What's wrong?"

"I...I have romantic feelings for someone." Patton said, letting his fake smile drop as he revealed the cause for his miserable attitude.

Logan steeled, his heart aching for some reason but he kept a neutral face as he asked,"What's the matter with that?"

"I don't this person feels the same way." Patton said. Logan frowned. Anyone who didn't requite Patton's feeling was an idiot, he thought.

"I wouldn't say they're an idiot." Patton said, causing Logan to flush. "Did I say that aloud?" He asked. Patton nodded, looking a bit amused.

"I just mean, you're so amazing and thoughtful so I don't see why anyone wouldn't return your feelings." Logan elaborated, looking confused as Patton blushed.

"I'm glad you hold me in such high regards." Patton said, still flushed. Logan smiled. "Of course I do, despite our disagreements and differences, you are among my best acquaintances."

"We've known each other for decades Lo, I'd call us friends as this point." Patton said, smiling. Logan felt another wave of unexplainable sadness wash over him at the word 'friends' but kept smiling despite that.

"That makes us sound so old." Logan commented. Patton laughed, his cheery demeanor beginning to return. "Well Thomas is 28." He said.

Logan nodded, looking at Patton and their intertwined hands. He though about the strange ache that kept coming whenever Patton mentioned his crush. This wasn't the only time his heart ached like that but the common link seemed to be Patton. For some reason, whenever he and the moral side interacted, he felt unexplainably nervous, his face often burned at compliments, and further symptoms of an unknown disease showed.

Patton smiled and said,"Thanks for cheering me up, Lo."

Logan snapped out of his stupor and looked back at Patton, giving a small smile before saying,"It was my pleasure Patton. ...If you don't mind me asking, who is this person who has earned your affections?" Patton blushed once again and he said,"I'd rather not say the name but I'll describe him."

Logan nodded and Patton began talking once again. "Well he's handsome. I know that we all have the same face but all of us have different aspects that differentiate us and his just make butterflies form in my stomach."

"That's concerning, you shouldn't have insects forming in your stomach as a result of your infatuation." Logan said, frowning. "It's just a saying, it just means he causes me to be a bit nervous." Patton explained kindly.

"Ah. Well, what else do you like about him?" Logan asked, pushing down the sadness once again.

"Some people see him as cold but that's because they haven't gotten to know him. When you get to know him, you get to see how passionate he is and his caring side." Patton said, a lovesick smile gracing his lips.

"Are you talking about Virgil?" Logan asked, trying to connect the clues to a side. "What? No, he's my best friend. I don't feel anything other than platonic love for him." Patton said.

"Oh." Logan said. "What made you think I was talking about Virgil?" Patton asked.

"The description sounded a bit like him but since you have denied this then I am once again confused." Logan replied.

"Oh. Well, here's another clue of sorts. He's smart and most definitely the wisest side of Thomas." Patton said, a lovesick face once again worming its way onto the moral side's face as he thought about the side.

Logan frowned. "Deceit?" He questioned.

"No." Patton said, snapping out of his daydream at the question. "Roman? Emile? Remy?" Logan said.

"No, no, and no." Patton responded, a vaguely nervous expression making its way onto his face.

Logan was both relieved and more confused at this answer. "There's no one left, unless you're referring to someone from the Imagination though that is doubtful considering how Roman always makes sure to lock his door."

"There's one person left." Patton said softly, pulling his hand back. Logan thought for a moment before realization struck. He looked over to Patton a wide eyed expression and said,"Are you talking about me?"

Patton looked down and Logan took this as confirmation. "Why would you like me? I'm harsh and cold and emotionless and--"

Patton looked up with a serious expression. "You are not emotionless Logan. You have emotions and you don't have to hide them. Having feelings doesn't make you any less smart." He said.

"I...But why me?" Logan asked.

"I can't exactly control who I love, Lo." Patton said, looking almost embarrassed. Logan blushed a bit and said,"You love me?"

Patton flushed and said,"Uh--Yes?"

"Earlier you said I wouldn't requite your feelings, why would you assume that?" Logan asked, once again confused.

"I just--well it doesn't seem like you're interested?" Patton said, internally debating about whether to run away or keep talking with Logan.

"Oh. Well you would be wrong." Logan said. Patton looked at him with a surprised expression, his eyes fairly wide.

"Wait really?" Patton said.

Logan smiled and took Patton's hand, kissing it softly. Patton's face burned and he hid his face with his free hand. Logan smiled a bit wider and said,"Yes."

Patton blushed darker and Logan took the latter's face in his hand. "Don't hide your pretty face from me, Pat." Logan said.

"Since when were you so charming, Lo?" Patton said, his face a shade of bubblegum pink thanks to Logan's words.

"I can be romantic, I just choose not to be. But now, maybe I should do it a bit more because it seems that you are very easy to fluster." Logan quipped, winking.

"I am not that easy to fluster!" Patton said half heartedly, his complexion contradicting the statement.

"It's not a bad thing, in fact I find it quite adorable." Logan said, blushing a bit as well. "You're going to kill me. Logan, I'm going to die and when I do, you're going to kill my ghost." Patton said, smiling and blushing.

"Well then I'll just have to revive you. Will a kiss do?" Logan said. Patton sputtered for a moment before closing his mouth and nodding.

Logan laughed and pressed his lips against Patton's. They pulled away after a few seconds and Patton mumbled,"I'm going to die now. Tell my son I love him."

"Love you too dad." Virgil said, walking into the living room, Roman following behind him.

Both the moral and logic side shot up, the former asking,"How long were you watching us for?!"

"Long enough that we learned what a flirt Logan is and that you are the most blushy side in the Mindscape." Roman replied, smirking a bit.

"We also know that Logicality is now canon." Virgil added, a matching smirk adorning his face.

"Logicality?" Logan asked, him and Patton both looking equally confused.

"Logic and Morality. Logan and Patton." Virgil explained.

"Oh. OH." Patton said. "Is this one of those "ship" things you were telling me about?" Logan questioned.

"Mhm." Virgil replied, eating a couple chips.

"I told you I wasn't talking about a boat!" Patton said, smiling a bit. "Fair enough." Logan said, giving him a matching smile.

"Ew, go be romantic somewhere else. We're trying to eat." Roman said, his nose wrinkling.

"Pat and I were here first." Logan pointed out.

"Get a room." Virgil said.

"Fine. Patton, it seems we are in the presence of several heathens who don't have manners. Would you like to accompany me to my room? We could watch a movie." Logan said, turning to the shorter side.

"I would love too." Patton said, grinning. Logan smiled and said,"Perfect. Much like you."

Patton flushed again and all three of the other sides laughed. Logan offered his hand to Patton who took it and followed Logan.

"Congrats on getting together! And if you hurt dad, I will send Remus after you." Virgil said, the last part directed and Logan who nodded in understanding.

"I wouldn't dare." Logan said, giving Patton a loving look that caused the moral side to melt.

As they walked up the rest of the stairs, Virgil turned to Roman. "You owe me five bucks, I told you they'd get together by the end of the month."

"Fine though I don't see why you need the money." Roman said, fishing out his wallet from on of his pockets.

"It's more the satisfaction of winning." Virgil replied.

Roman rolled his eyes and handed Virgil a five dollar which the anxious side took and put in his hoodie pocket.

[trashyswitch]

Stupid Tickly Feeling...

Virgil is plagued by the usual itchy feeling. But it keeps occurring right on the spots that tickle when itched! Virgil accidentally puts himself into a lee mood, and asks the dark sides for help. Though, it looks as if only one side can help...

This fanfic will have a bit of crude humor because...Remus. But, I've kept it very minimal.

Also, this fanfic was suggested by @agarus-fallen-lershal on Tumblr. Thank you for the merged ideas! and I hope you enjoy!

Virgil had been sitting in his room watching something on his phone, when he felt it: a tickly feeling on his foot. He looked up and looked at his foot for only a few seconds, before he pulled his foot closer to itch it. But while he was scratching the bottom of his foot, his fingernails were unintentionally tickling his foot while he itched. This caused a small, wobbly grin to appear on his face.

Virgil big his lip as he felt the itchy spot reach his toes. Uh oh...Those were a REALLY bad ticklish spot! But...He had to itch it! So, Virgil ignored his sensitivity and scratched under his toes. OOOOHOHO BOY! So much as one simple stroke of his fingernails would pull his grin wider! The more he itched under his toes, the more the ticklishness made him titter and pause his breathing. Stupid ticklish feet...Who’s idea was it to make his feet so ticklish?! And WHY?! It was such an inconvenience!

Finally, through the titters and wonky smirks, Virgil stopped itching. The tickly feeling seemed to have left...For now, anyway. Virgil sighed in content and grabbed his phone again. He needed to rewind his video a little bit to rewatch the spots he had missed. It didn’t take long for Virgil to get caught up on the video. Eventually, the video ended, and Virgil was back to finding something else to watch.

But quickly, the ticklish feeling returned! This time, on his hip. Oh NOOOOO...Why there of all places?! Virgil gulped in embarrassment, rather than annoyance. If there’s one spot he’s not gonna itch, it was his hip. So, Virgil tried to ignore it. He focused on finding a new video instead. He scrolled and scrolled through the many youtube recommendations, and narrowed down the videos he might wanna watch. But then, the ticklish feeling increased! And it spread to his armpit! Virgil sighed and did try to scratch under his armpit. But the moment he had jumped from his own nail jab, Virgil stopped. Damn...So much for ridding himself of the itchy feeling…

To make things worse, the ticklish feeling had moved from his hip to his ribs! Virgil scratched at the spot, and continued to unintentionally tickle himself. Though his ribs weren’t nearly as ticklish as his hips, they were ticklish enough to make himself jump when scratched. He grunted slightly as his body jumped and twitched from the digging and scratching. Why was he so ticklish? And why couldn’t the ticklish feeling move somewhere that wasn’t as ticklish?

The other part about his struggles was that the moving itchiness and his ticklish scratching...might’ve been putting him into a lee mood. Even though the scratching made himself jump and smile all wobbly, it didn’t really make him laugh. It barely tickled enough to make him giggle! And what he really wanted to do right then, was giggle and laugh under another person’s fingers. But who in the world was gonna tickle him without judging him? Virgil finally stopped scratching and thought to himself.

Well, Virgil could easily take Roman off the list because He judges EVERYONE, both out loud AND in his head! He even laughed his head off at Janus’s name! What kind of a man does that?! No one laughed at his name! So why would he laugh at Janus’s? All in all, Roman as a ler? BIIIIIG no-no!

Logan would be quite good if given the opportunity, and he wouldn’t lie to you about his thoughts on it. But Virgil sensed that Logan would also make it feel really awkward. And everyone knows awkwardness just kills the mood in no time. So...scratch him off the list.

Patton most likely wouldn’t judge him. But he’d be too worried about how much is too much. So much so, that Patton would kill the mood with his own carefulness! And the truth was, Virgil wanted rough! Like, quite rough! Much more rough than what Patton was capable of doing. So sadly...Patton’s scratched off the list too.

Janus was a big fat maybe. He would be good at covering up his feelings about it, and would probably make a good ler! I mean the man has 6 separate arms! That idea alone, can send shivers up any lee’s spine! So Janus?...He gets a star key.

Lastly, the least judgemental, and the most daring and rough of all: Remus! Now THERE was a monster waiting for lees! Remus was basically a real, human version of the tickle monster from that Raggedy Ann series! What were they called again?

Oh! Gazooks!

Yup! Remus was DEFINITELY a human Gazook!

So off to Remus he ran, in hopes of lots of tickles! Virgil just couldn’t wait! He knew Remus would never judge him for something as weird as this! In fact, he knew Remus would encourage something as weird as this! That made this quest even better! Virgil slowed himself down in front of Remus’s room, and walked himself up to the door. A simple knock was all that was needed to get Remus’s attention.

“Come on in, Virgil!” Remus declared happily. Virgil happily walked in and watched Remus close the door behind him. “What brings you here, Virgey?” Remus asked.

“I...have a small secret I wanna tell you...Please don’t laugh.” Virgil begged.

Remus gasped and quickly sat Virgil down. “Oh, of course! I promise. Now tell tell tell! Please tell me! I’m all ears!” Remus begged, making his ears bigger with a wide grin.

Virgil giggled and sat down. “Well...I’m in a mood…” Virgil told him.

Remus nodded. “Uh huh...I see that! What kind of mood?” Remus asked.

Virgil bit his lip and cleared his throat. “Iwannabetickled.” Virgil told him really fast.

Remus gasped and cooed as he felt a hurt expression fall onto his face. “Awwwwww! I would love to help you, I really would. But…” Remus leaned in and put his hand up to shield the air from hearing his secret. “I’m in a lee mood too.” Remus whispered to him.

Virgil’s eyes widened. Wait, WHAT?! Virgil backed up and looked at Remus with his jaw dropped. “No way…”

“Yes! I’m actually in a lee mood myself! It’s so rare, as well.” Remus admitted.

Virgil frowned and looked down. “So...you can’t tickle me?” Virgil asked him with hurt eyes.

Remus looked at his own nails. “Well I could, but I wouldn’t be as effective.” Remus admitted. “You know who WOULD be a good tickler though?” Remus asked. Virgil leaned in to listen. “Janus.” Remus replied.

Virgil smiled widely and nodded. “He would be perfect for the job.” Virgil admitted.

“And the best part? He can tickle us both with 3 separate arms!” Remus added.

Virgil gasped. “I didn’t even think of that!” Virgil admitted.

Remus giggled and loosely covered his mouth with his palm. “So what do you think?” Remus asked.

Virgil clapped his hands and stood up. “I think we should ask.” Virgil told him.

“Woooooow! Getting eager, are we?” Remus teased, bouncing his eyebrows up and down.

Virgil wrapped his entire hand around Remus’s face and pushed him away. Remus laughed as he flopped onto the bed. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get him!” Remus declared.

Virgil and Remus quickly ran out of the room and sprinted right up to Janus’s bedroom door.

“Will you do the honors, my lee-ige?” Remus asked politely.

“I’d rather you do the knocking.” Virgil admitted. “Oh! And by the way?” Virgil paused his words and flipped him off with his right hand.

Remus, smirking like the idiot he is, made his hand into the ‘okay’ sign and bounced the circular O part of the sign up and down around the middle finger to make the gesture unnecessarily dirty. Virgil slapped Remus’s hand away and knocked on the door instead. Remus just guffawed at this and waited for Janus to answer.

“Oh! Remus and Virgil. I suspected as such. I was totally not expecting just Remus.” Janus greeted.

“We need help.” Remus told him.

“Lots of help.” Virgil added.

“Hm...Totally don’t feel rushed at all…” Janus muttered out loud as he let the boys in.

“Virgil and I are both in a lee mood. Can you please tickle us?” Remus asked.

Janus widened his eyes and blinked in surprise. “...I…”

“I was in a lee mood and I went to Remus for help. But Remus told me he was in a lee mood too. So we both came to you because we both wanted tickles…” Virgil admitted, biting his thumbnail nervously.

“And your 6 hands looked very intimidating and helpful for this certain problem.” Remus added. “So may you please use your tiiicklish fingies to throw us into a puddle of hysterical laughter?” Remus asked.

Janus smirked and wrapped the both of them up in one arm each. “I will happily drive you insane with my tickly fingers.” Janus replied proudly. Janus quickly started skittering ten fingers each on Remus and Virgil’s ribs first.

“oHOHOHO GEHEHEHEHEEZ!” Virgil’s lips immediately morphed into a toothy smile as he fell into hysterical laughter.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! YAAAHAHAHAHAY!” Remus kicked his feet and cheered confidently. He wasn’t even afraid to hide his love for tickles! He was just happy to experience it!

Virgil looked at Janus’s skittering fingers that moved up and down his ribcage. “IHIHI GUEHEHESS WEHEHE’RE STAHAHARTIHING OHOFF STROHOHONG!” Virgil reacted.

“Believe whatever you like, Virgil…” Janus said with a big smirk.

Virgil shook his head back and forth and flapped his arms around. He was strapped right into Janus’s grasp with just one arm! Normally it would take 2 arms to capture the wiggle worm without losing his grip. But the tickling was quickly weakening Virgil, making him easier to trap in one single arm. “IHIHIHI- HOHOHOW AHAHARE YOHOU SOHOHOHO STROHOHOHONG?!” Virgil asked, not realizing the situation.

“Now why would I tell you that?” Janus responded back.

Remus was a puddle of snorts and giggles. Janus’s left fingers had moved to digging into his hip, while the other hand had started poking and twirling in and around his belly button. “WAHAHA! *snort* NAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHO- *snort* NOHOHO BEHEHELLYYYYY!” Remus squeaked as he failed to cover up his sensitive spots. Janus had captured Remus with his arm under his armpits. So any attempts to cover up the ticklish spots were impossible. He couldn’t reach down to stop any of the fingers! Meaning he had to deal with his exposed belly button and his vulnerable hip being dug into and poked! It was just unfair! And that almost made the situation even BETTER!

“WAHAHAIT- WHAHAHAT AHAHARE YOU DOHOHOIHIHING?!” Virgil asked loudly. Virgil watched in horror as the hands moved down to his feet. While one of the hands grabbed Virgil’s ankle, the other hand had summoned a feather and started fluttering it on his inner arch. “Uhuhuh ohohohoh! Notthere! Nonononono PLEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” Virgil tugged on his foot desperately and cackled loudly. His foot was way too ticklish for such an attack! “WHYHYHYHY THEHEHE FEHEHEHEATHEHEHER?!” Virgil asked.

Janus giggled. “Why, what a great question to ask!” He reacted. “I chose to use a feather because it is one of the softest tickle tools a ler can ever use against a lee. They’re soft, yet stiff. They can be rough, or they can be soft. They can make a person all giggly and melt in one’s arms, or they can drive a person mad with how abnormally soft the touch is.” Janus explained in excruciating detail.

Next, Janus summoned a second feather and started tickling Remus’s belly button with it! Remus squeaked and blushed brightly. The man couldn’t even stare at it! it was so flustering to see, let alone get tickled by it! Remus was starting to physically melt into Janus’s arms. “Nooooohohohohohohohohoho! Yohohohou’re beheing ehehehevihihihil!” Remus told him.

“Me? Evil? Never.” Janus reacted.

Janus moved Virgil’s feather up to the back of his knee next. Virgil’s laughter cooled down into giggles. “Ahahahalrihihihight. Thahahahank yohohohohou Jahahahanuhuhuhus.” Virgil told him.

“Let’s see just how long Virgil and Remus can handle giggling while a feather tickles in their giggle spots...” Janus decided.

Remus was a complete mess of giggles. He was blushing a scarlet red color, barely moving, and actually cuddling Janus while he was being tickled! It was completely clear that Remus was enjoying it. He was just not afraid of showing people that! Then again, this is Remus we’re talking about: He’s not afraid of showing people ANYTHING! He’s the most blunt person you’ll meet! It’s quite hilarious most of the time. This time though, it made Remus look really cute!

Virgil was leaning his head back and giggling with a toothy smile on his face while his knee pit was lightly attacked. As seconds turned into minutes, Virgil started slowly lessening his wiggles. When minutes hit double digits, the tugs started to slow and Virgil was falling limp to the softer giggles. He couldn’t believe he was saying this...But lighter tickles were surprisingly more overwhelming than the stronger tickles!

Janus decided to drop the feathers and dig into both boys’ hips. Remus AND Virgil’s eyes bursted open to the size of dinner plates, and shrieked like toddlers! Remus’s bursted into witch-like cackles and kicked his feet wildly, while Virgil threw his head back and laughed hysterically! Both boys were wiggling back and forth as much as their weakened bodies could. But Janus had already dominated them with his strength! And he was NOT afraid to weaken them further.

Soon though, Janus finally gave the boys a long break. He laid each lee down onto the bed and calmly put a blanket onto them.

...Only for Remus to kick the blanket off and throw it into Janus’s face. “You think I’m cold after being tickled?” Remus reacted.

“Well if you’re gonna be an ass about it, then have it your way! No tickle cuddles for you.” Janus declared, as he put a blanket onto Virgil.

“wwWWHAT?!” Remus shouted. Remus stuttered in offence, before finally flopping onto his pillow and pouting. “F-Fine!” Remus whined as he turned away.

Janus rolled his eyes and laid beside Virgil. He gently wrapped two of his arms around Virgil and rested his chin onto his chest. Virgil smiled at this and turned to face Janus. “Thank you Janus. You’re a life-saver.” Virgil told him before snuggling himself into Janus’s arms. Janus smiled and wrapped his arms around him again while softly humming a familiar melody.

Soon, Remus’s pouty frown softened into genuine hurt. It didn’t take very long for Remus to start feeling guilty for his actions. His hunger for love quickly overcame him as he turned himself onto his back. “I’m sorry Janus.” Remus whined. He laid his head onto Janus’s shoulder. “Thank you for the tickles.” Remus told him.

Janus smiled and looked over at Remus with love and appreciation in his eyes. Janus wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders and back, and pulled Remus closer to cuddle him. Remus happily took the cuddles and softly snuggled into Janus’s side.

With both boys in the snake boy’s snuggly warm grasp, Janus slowly brought the pair of lower hands to Virgil and Remus’s side and started very gently skittering. The boys started to giggle and slightly wiggle in his arms at the tickles, and didn’t push the distracting nails away. They welcomed every scratch, every wiggle and every poke and prod. Virgil and Remus found tickling to be quite fun! Especially when coming from an exceptionally great ler! Speaking of the ler..,

This wouldn’t have been nearly as fun or worth the fear, if it weren’t for Janus. The snake’s judgement-free attitude made it easier for them to tell, and his response made everything all the more enjoyable.

So...thank you Janus. And thank you Remus as well!

[theleigeofnerd]

An Accident, Really…

Word Count: 1254

Moceit fic for the soul☺️

Also mama Janus

Also mentions of basically neglect/abandonment? And loneliness. So if you don’t wish to read that, scroll past please.

—————————————————————

Janus was in the Dark Sides living room reading a book, a rare moment of peace away from two little-

“Heya Deceit!”

“Jesus Patton!” Listen, just because the moral side popping in on him wasn’t a necessarily uncommon event as of late doesn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of him.

“Oh sorry!”

“It’s fine Patton, what did you need…” That didn’t seem to make the apologetic look Patton gave him go away, but the fun side explained himself regardless.

“Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to have some hot coco with me? Logan’s busy and Roman’s doing who knows what in his room, he’s surprisingly productive for a 10-year-old, (I don’t see either of them often anymore)... You're the only other side I know about so…” If only you knew what little horrors I hide from you… Wait is that why you come down here so often? Unfortunately, Janus has others to take care of...

“My sincere apologies but I have duties that require my constant attention on my side of the mindscape, I don’t think it would be wise to leave-“

CRASH

“-SHIT!” That would be said duties… Janus booked it upstairs he knew it had to be those little shits, he loves them to death but right now they were a pain in the ass. What he did not know though was that Patton had followed him.

Janus kicked the door open to the one room he knew the sound had to of originated. There, fighting in their shared room was a 10-year-old Remus and 7-year-old Virgil. The room was destroyed, almost beyond repair. Beds, dressers, desks, even Virgil’s posters, nothing was spared from what could have been a hurricane if the culprits weren’t right there.

“ENOUGH!” Janus screeched, hiss slipping into his voice, six arms extended from him, ready to tear his boys' fight apart. The younger two sides stared on in terror as they were grabbed by the collars and lifted to face him in the angry snake eye. Only in that moment did they realize they messed up.

“Hi Mom!” Remus said nervously, hoping to distract the angry side away from the carnage, it failed. At least I tried...

“Don’t you ‘Hi Mom’ me, what have you two done to your room?!”

“Would you believe me if I said interior decorating?” Virgil chanced, but only got an angry tired sigh from the mother figure.

“Definitely don’t have this cleaned up by dinner or you’ll both be grounded, understood?” Janus threatened, the two young Dark Sides nodded and scrambled away from Janus and got to work. Janus walked out of his son’s room, only then did he realize Patton had followed him.

“You have kids?! There are others?!”

“Yes Patton, there are others.”

“You’re like their Mom.” Janus could feel the smile radiating from the moral side without having to even look at him. Oh, this is not going to be fun...

“I found them in the subconscious some time ago, on different occasions of course. I found the green one first, then the purple one.” He didn’t want to give up their names, it’s too, risky, let alone personal for a side and he didn’t want to take that away from them before they could so much as comprehend the significance of a name. There was power in a sides name, yet none of them seemed realized it-

“You ok there?” Janus was ripped from his thoughts by a mildly concerned Patton. By now they had almost made it to the kitchen.

“Yes, indeed-“ Janus shook his head “-infact I should probably start dinner before those two get hungry and try to eat my cleaning supplies again…”

“Oh! Um, I can help! Logan and Roman don’t leave their rooms often so it would be a table for one otherwise…” Patton looked down, he’s sad? Does this happen often? Ok, please don’t make me regret this you two...

“Alright, I was thinking spaghetti? Does that sound satisfactory to you?” Patton looked up and it looked like he’d been holding back tears, Is he lonely? This must happen often enough… The deceitful side’s heart ached, he knew loneliness before he had his sons. It had been years of darkness and the recently increasing visits from Patton. Janus would be the first to tell you about how much loneliness sucked. Patton’s expression painfully reminded him of when he first found Remus and Virgil, they both had worn that lost expression.

Janus huffed out a breath of air, once again being dragged from his thoughts, he didn’t mind. He was engulfed in a hug from Patton and his six arms decided to make another appearance to return the bone crushing hug.

“Thank you Deceit…” It was broken, like a glass tea set a toddler got a hold of. Janus judged it had been a few months at least since the last hug the supposedly always cheery side had received. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy Patton’s company, he’s like the personification of a cinnamon roll. Neither of the parental sides knew it but the two little Dark Sides had watched from the top of the stairs.

“Oooo I like him! Do you think he’ll stay with us and Ma?!”

“Maybe Remus, maybe… We better finish soon, spaghetti doesn’t take long, and we don’t want a repeat of the last time we were grounded…”

“You’re right, I can still hear ringing in my ear sometimes…”

“I think it will be ok now, I like him too. He’s so… fluffy? Does that make sense?”

“About as much as a crocodile eating a birthday cake full of blood worms, when it’s not even anyone’s birthday.” Virgil rolled his eyes and dragged his brother to their room to avoid being grounded.

————————————————

Janus and Patton stood there like that for what seemed like hours, but could have been minutes. They basked in each other's presence. Feeling way too many emotions at once. It was silent for a long while until-

“Deceit, do you ever feel like you’re not enough, like you’ll always be alone-”

“Janus.”

“What?”

“That is my name…”

“Oh, I like it, it’s nice...”

“Thank you, but to answer your question, yes. But do you want to know what changed?-” Patton looked a little shocked at his answer, but nodded.

“-I found a family, one that cares and makes an effort.”

“Oh…” If only I could have that, I know Roman and Logan care but-

“Patton, you’re crying” Janus’ voice was soft and gentle. Patton hadn’t realized that he was crying. When was the last time he’d let himself cry? Janus took his gloved hand and wiped the streak of tears, but despite his efforts the dry face only lasted a few seconds.

“Oh Pat…’

“I’m fine, it’s fine, I know they care…”

“Pat please-“ Janus stopped for a few moments in thought, looking at Patton and nodded to himself. ”-Patton, do you- would you like to stay here?” Patton blinked away tears for a few seconds, then gained a look of resolve.

“I-I think I would like that very much…”

“Lovely, let’s make that spaghetti, ok?”

“Of course!”

To anyone else, the duo would appear to just be choosing to remain quiet while making the first of many family dinners, but it was a silent conversation. It was theirs, nobody else could have it. They reassured each other that it would be ok now, they had the other Dark Sides, they had each other...

————————————————————

[hteragram-x]

Firefighter AU [again]

New story for the AU. This time about Virgil wondering who the hell is Logan. Also, apparently, Virgil’s main personality trait in this universe is thinking that Remus is very pretty and then being like: “hey! who said that?!”.

If it’s the first time you see this AU I think you can still understand what’s going on without reading older posts, but in case you’re interested: [HERE] is the introduction, [HERE] are some general HCs, over [THERE] you can find a story where Remus and Virgil met for the first time, and [HERE] is previous story :>

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Word count: 2240

Relationships: technically Dukexiety, but they’re not there yet; Creativitwins

TW: mentions of fire (what a surprise), small injury, mentions of blood, some animal bones, swearing (because I’m mentally 12 and think that swearwords are fucking hilarious)

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-

Because Logan Said So

             Over the last four months Virgil has learnt a lot about his new co-workers. Not every information he managed to gather was particularly interesting or even worth remembering, but having that knowledge helped with making the new workplace more familiar. And familiarity brought comfort.

           He learnt, for example, that their janitor – Jeremy – was the most grumpy and easily annoyed person in the entire firehouse despite being the youngest janitor Virgil has ever met. It was relatively easy to avoid him most of the time, but if he wanted everyone to know about his problems with something you would be informed that he’s unhappy regardless of your own involvement, or lack thereof, in the situation.

           Virgil also learnt that Anna was pretty helpful when it came to failing equipment and technology. They weren’t employed to do the repairs, but it didn’t stop them from trying to fix everything anyway. The guy with very short hair, whose name Virgil could never remember, was leaving his helmet in unexpected places and had three kids that he talked about all the time. Alex was often late, but always stayed at work longer than anyone. And that one girl everyone called Apple for some unknown reason was currently building a house and you couldn’t escape hearing about it, no matter how much you didn’t want to at the moment.

           Talking to Virgil about issues he wasn’t that interested in seemed to be the common thing among most of his co-workers.

           Pretty standard stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.

           What was also not out of ordinary was the bird skull lying on his desk this Tuesday.

           “Remus! Is this a gift or are you just leaving your stuff all over the office again!?”, he half-yelled knowing that the younger twin had to be somewhere in the building at this hour. Not that he memorized his schedule or something. He just knew…

           Suddenly a head with a mass of unkempt hair and spider webs on top of it popped from under his desk. It was not the first time Remus was staying there, but Virgil still winced seeing the man crawling from the tiny space. It cannot be comfortable, he though for probably fifteenth time.

           “There’s no way it’s comfortable in there,” he pointed out, also for fifteenth time.

           “It isn’t”, Remus said, like he always did and smiled, stretching his long arms above his head. Even without his shoes – he always walked around the office in just his socks, because of course he did – he was still much taller than Virgil which somehow managed to fluster him more every time he noticed the difference.

           Virgil decided to ignore the futile argument instead pointing at the skull and a couple of sticks he’s just noticed next to his computer.

           “Can you keep your mess out of my desk?”

           “You didn’t even say ‘hi’ to me today”, Remus pouted.

           “I’ll say ‘hi’ when you take your stuff from my space,” he sighed.

           Remus groaned, his arms hanging loosely at his sides in resignation.

           “God… you sound like Logan.”

           A-ha! There he is. This mysterious “Logan”, whoever he was.

           Over the last four months Virgil has learnt a lot about his new co-workers. But no other person was as interesting and worth knowing as Remus himself. The number of weird quirks Virgil has memorized about the guy was unmatched by any other person working at the firehouse which was in no way a surprising score given the circumstances in which they’ve met.

           He was weird in so many ways that it almost seemed normal again. And according to Roman he used to be even more chaotic and unpredictable when the twins were younger. At first Virgil was pretty nervous around the guy – with all of his jokes about violence or with his creepy staring – but now this… interesting behaviour became just a normal and entirely expected part of his days.

           If Remus run into the room and didn’t stop until he hit the wall… fine. Virgil just checked if the guy was okay and went back to work. If he bit the bar of soap… also fine. You just had to make sure he didn’t swallow it all and forget about it for the rest of your day. When he left some of his most disturbing sketches on the fridge, you just commented on his skills as an artist or flipped them, so the picture was facing the door of the fringe, if the drawing was particularly disgusting.

           A standard day with Remus.

           Apparently talking about some “Logan” that no one ever met was also a standard part of his character. And Virgil was very annoyed at himself knowing how jealous he sometimes felt because of this mysterious guy. The jealousy, however, seemed to weaken a bit when he realized that Roman was also bringing the name up almost every day. It started to sound like an inside joke that Virgil was too nervous to ask about.

           “Okay! Your desk’s just as clean as my legs yesterday when I jumped into the river to find a shiny stone, but it was a broken bottle, so I got glass stuck in my hand!” Remus smiled even wider, showing a little too many teeth and lifting his palm with three fingers covered in bandages.

           Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose.

           “Why do you have zero self-control?”, he asked, very much aware that the question was pointless.

           No one knew. And if someone did know, it definitely wasn’t Remus.

           “Sounds like a question Logan would ask”, said Roman who has just appeared out of nowhere behind Virgil. The shorter man shivered a little, not expecting anyone except for Alex who was finishing his shift to be in the room with them.

           “It does!”, Remus agreed poking the bandages with a finger. Knowing him, Virgil assumed he wanted to check if it’ll make the wound open and colour the fabric with blood. “And like I said, I just cleaned up your desk.” The firefighter moved much closer to Virgil towering over him with some different kind of smile. He really was smiling a lot for a person, who wanted to appear at least a little scary most of the time. “Where’s my ‘hi’?”

           The shorter man glanced up at him, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole situation and all of his conflicting feelings. It definitely wasn’t the first time he found himself in a position like that. He should have got used to Remus being annoying and invading his personal space long ago. Or maybe he did get used to that and he was just confused by the fact that he really… didn’t mind?

           “Hi,” he said finally, the corners of his lips lifting slightly.

           “Hello,” Remus answered with something twinkling in his green eyes.

           There was a minute of silence. None of them seemed to want to move.

           “You’re both gross,” said Roman decisively and ruined the moment by rolling his eyes and walking right between them to the adjacent kitchen.

           Virgil felt blush creeping up his neck. He completely forgot about the second twin being in the room with them. Wouldn’t be the first time he got distracted like that.

           And he couldn’t even get mad at Roman… that was a little bit gross. …In a good way.

           “You can keep the bird skull if you want to. I planned to paint it and add to my new sculpture, but I have plenty more to use instead.”

           Virgil was more than grateful for the change of the topic.

           “No, thanks. But show me the sculpture once it’s done.”

           That was apparently a right thing to say, because Remus looked very satisfied with himself which was always nice. Virgil really liked to see him so cheerful, even when it meant complimenting some naturalistic painting or listening to his unsettling ideas. He was even more handsome when he seemed genuinely happy… wait, what?

           Virgil coughed nervously and quickly moved to the desk, putting his bag down and turning the computer on. When he was adjusting the headset and checking his microphone he looked back at Remus and gave him a little shy wave.

           “Don’t set yourself on fire today,” he said using their usual equivalent of ‘good bye’.

           “No promises!”, was a standard reply.

 ***

             Roman grabbed a bag of gummy worms from Remus’ hand preventing him from showing them all into his mouth at once.

           “Stop eating so much sweets. You’ll already too energetic today.”

           Remus shrugged and took a long sip of some energy drink he’d been hiding behind his back.

           “Don’t tell me what to do.”

           “It cannot be healthy for you!” Roman tried to grab the can as well, but Remus was sitting on the kitchen counter, so he easily lifted it out of his brother’s reach.

           “Why?!” he asked in a whiny tone.

           “Because Logan said so!”

           “No, he didn’t.”

           “But he would if he was standing here right now.”

           “…fine!”

           Remus jumped off the counter sending his twin annoyed look, but he put the drink away, only now noticing his slightly shaky hands. He hasn’t said anything to not give Roman the satisfaction and moved to the changing room to dress for their upcoming training.

           Virgil followed him with his eyes, not even trying to hide the confusion. Remus almost never did anything, because it was healthy or responsible. What was happening?

           Who the hell is Logan?

---

           “Roman! …Roman! ROMAN!!!”, Remus looked up seeing his brother sitting atop the fire engine with a book. It was his favourite place to escape the noise, people… and work. “Get down here, you lazy motherfucker! We’re moving the old hoses to the new room.”

           “Have fun then!”

           “They’re heavy! Come back here and help me!”

           “I’m busy…” Roman looked at Remus from behind the book, hoping he’d just get bored and walk away. “And you can lift them yourself, come on.”

           “No, I can’t! They’re packed in those bigger boxes. If I do this myself I’ll drop them on my feet or hurt my back and Logan said it’s dangerous!” Remus smirked, already knowing he won the argument. “And do you really want to leave me unsupervised?”

           “Okay, okay. I’ll help… It’s not your fault you’re a weak baby!”

           The rest of the conversation was too quiet for Virgil to hear through the open window from the garages below. The twins probably moved to the other room to finish the task. And Roman, who truly didn’t like this kind of repetitive labour, helped without much complaining… Strange.

           Who the fuck was Logan?

---

           “Roman, you forgot the scarf. It’s freezing. Logan said you’ll catch a cold!”

           “Logan would already give you a lecture for sleeping on a chair like that… At least move to the floor… I’ll bring you some blankets… Yes, I know it’s 4am. You think I’m happy about it?”

           “If Logan saw the mess you’ve made he be so disappointed with you…”

           “Okay, stop staring at cute boys and get back to work! Just imagine if Logan saw you right now. It’s pathetic. Oh… is my little brother blushing?”

           “What do you mean ‘why’? Just stay safe. Because Logan said so!”

           “Because Logan said so!”

 ***

             “Okay… who the hell is Logan?”

           Remus looked at Virgil from the axe he’s been sharpening on the office floor. He was clearly confused, not expecting anyone to talk to him after Roman left the room a few seconds ago.

           “What?”

           Virgil gripped the fabric of his trousers nervously.

           “I’ve asked who’s Logan.” There was a moment of silence. “You… you two keep bringing him up and I… I know that no one with that name works here and no one else is ever talking about this guy. If it’s a guy.” He stopped himself before he started rambling. “So… Who is Logan?”

           Remus was looking at him with a very weird set of emotions in his eyes. It was impossible to decipher what he was thinking or feeling at the moment which was pretty unusual for a person who was normally so open with what he thought or felt.

           Finally he went back to cleaning the axe lying on his knees.

           “Wouldn’t you like to know operator boy…” he said with a smirk.

           Virgil blinked, even more perplexed.

           “Y-yes! That’s why… Of course I want to know! That’s why I asked in the first place!”

           This time Remus openly laughed as if Virgil just told him a joke. It was one of his loudest and wildest laughs that most people learnt to ignore after working with Remus for a while, but it was still pretty creepy for anyone unfamiliar with the firefighter’s personality. Virgil would find it pretty pleasant to listen to if it wasn’t meant to mock him at the moment.

           “I don’t know what’s so funny…” he said defensively. He already regretted ever asking the question. Maybe it was a wrong moment? Maybe he should have asked Roman instead?

           “Of course you don’t! Oh, the irony…”

           He was very close to asking “what’s the irony”, but decided against it. Apparently he wasn’t getting any actual answers right now. Okay. He could wait and be patient when he wanted to. He’s already been waiting for months before the curiosity finally pushed him to say anything. There were other ways to get that information. It might be a difficult task, but he’ll learn the truth… eventually.

-

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General writing taglist: @imma-potatoo

Taglist for this AU: @isabelle-stars @wintersandsunshine

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist or removed from it :>

[crowstan]

Sanders Sides post except I haven't seen it before

Ok this post is inspired by an absolute flood of Patton and Logan in a skirt, on my Instagram, which was not anything related to any of the dnd or homestuck tags but whatever. That whole mess that happened yesterday inspired this, because as y'all know: I love analyzing things weirdly and what is blogging but analyzing your own thoughts in an odd way? Anyway, spoilers ahead because this is what I've unfortunately been leaked, which means I got this stuff via spoilers.

What is Sanders Sides? So, I actually have no idea and I want to go in bare bones because. I never get to go in with little info. All i know is that it's by Thomas Sanders (he apparently does have a tumblr, I did not look up what it was because, once again, trying to get the barest and best experience I can and I worry that may taint it in some way). All I know about Thomas is that he did vines that I really like and that he has his pronouns in all of his bio's, which so far makes him very ok in my books because I have not met one person who is in any way harmful to others who has their pronouns in their bio. Then again i don't see it often anyway but regardless. And that's literally all I know about him and Sanders Sides, so. Stuff that I have worked together with the unhealthy amount of spoilers I didn't willing get that made me want to make this. -They are all symbolic or are humanoid versions of like, different parts of someone? They're also color coded which my little color coding heart loves sm! There's morality, creativity, creativity #2: electric boogaloo, logic, anxiety, and deciet which may also be denial? not sure about the last bit. -Morality's (moralities?) name is Patton, and his color is light blue. He is the dad character and is bad with any "negative" feelings, which, mood. He is one of the sides i saw in a skirt and may be my favorite possibly, simply bc I Do Not Have Good Male Figures and he's a dad character. Name a better duo than good dad characters and my lack of any positive guys in my life that aren't my age. He's part of the "core four", whatever that means. Really likes animals? I mean that does make sense bc, morality, but also that's different for each person. overall conclusion: now my dad. (/j) -Next up: Anxiety. Name is Virgil (?), color is a shade of purple. Don't know what one bc purple is one of those colors i can't remember too well. Seems like how I imagine my anxiety but a little less focused on death. I would befriend him were in not for the fact I Cannot approach people unless I'm actually dying and even then I can't. Apparently was a "dark side" at some point but now isn't? Redemption ark ig, idk what a dark side is or if it would be equivalent enough with "evil" to have that be a redemption ark. Final conclusion: wait, is that me but cis and let loose in a hot topic? -Creativity #1. Name is Roman, color is red I think. A prince character, and I'm not sure what else to add. I think he is a theatre fan, amd also I would avoid him at all costs because as friendly as he is, we don't have the same vibes and i would panic. Definitely drinks his "respect women" juice, and it's actually "respect women" juice n not whatever the hecc it is that people who /say/ the drink "respect women" juice drinks. he'd go out of his way to make sure your drink doesn't get spiked. this man is hella good, 10/10, would trust but not talk to. -Creativity #2, apparently the brother of Roman? His name is Remus, color is green, and i say this with my full heart: I love him. he seems like the kind of person who barked at people in middle school bc he thought he was a werewolf. who drank an entire bottle of glue in kindergarten at had to go to the hospital and did it again. he's the kind of person who would offer you up a worm and tell you disturbing facts about animals and then go off and play his little games he made up with twisted scenarios. and you know what? that's amazing and i absolutely love that so much. I know nothing about him except he eats deodorant and is the embodiment of intrusive thoughts and "oh god /why/" scenarios you thought of for some reason. -Logic. Name is Logan, ah, really similar to what he represents but I mean, still a very good name. His color is dark blue, aka my favorite color besides dark grey. Really likes jam? I feel like this man has read the dictionary and has "different vocabularies" he uses for different events and people, which may be a self projection but. Def Ravenclaw vibes bc!! hear me out!! not stereotypes!! I feel this man, the literal *embodiment* of logic, would value learning and knowledge which is part of what makes a ravenclaw! so it is not self projection, it is *knowledge* (/hj). that's it, i would absolutely love to debate him sm but i feel like that would be similar to that time i talked about Quadrants with a friend for an hour and they had no idea what was going on at all.

-Last one, deceit/denial. I don't know if he's denial as i got that from a little comic that i thought was funny because it had a pun. His name is Janus (don't know how to pronounce it, been saying it like Jay-Nuhss), and his color is yellow. apparently part snake or something and!! I love snakes. Apparently was in a courtroom at one point, and we all know those are fae territory, so possibly a fae (hj). apparently has multiple arms!! which does not fit in with the snake bit, as snakes have zero arms, but regardless still cool! I know the least about him, and I'm definitely looking forward to watching him!! i love snakes sm.-

moving on from the sides slightly, apparently there's another one, who's color is orange! from someone who vaguely knows about colors but knows enough that each side more or less relates to their color, i have no idea what this side could be! best guess is it's just Thomas in a top hat. I never learned about orange because orange, yellow, some reds, and some blues are very stabby to my eyes and i will get a headache so I just. never learned it. why would i learn about a color i literally can't look at without my eyes hurting? I do know orange is a caution color, and in nature it cam be found on dangerous stuff as a "stay away!" color, and pared with black it doesn't kill my eyes and those are the Halloween colors. So maybe caution? Or some dangerous thing? It doesn't make sense, as those aren't really "sides" in the traditional sense, nor with anxiety being a sort of "caution" thing. Anyway, I would need more info on orange and, depending on how the orange color is, i may react more negatively. Like with blue Christmas lights.

-there are lots of puns!! i love puns!! i don't take the opportunity to make many, but i love them sm. just like snakes! and cats! in fact i actually know a lot about cat behavior

lmao that's literally all i have, I'll go watch the whole series and also talk about that later in smaller posts, each post being one or two episodes depending on how long it is

(ah jeez it got all messed up again, under maintenance!! sorry about that!! the tags got all mixed around too!!)

(update #2: still messed up but I'll need to not use my tablet to fix it, which i can't do rn! sorry y'all :(!! )

[whatwashernameagain]

Keep him safe - Chapter 34

You can read the previous Chapters here: Ch 1, Ch 5, Ch 10, Ch 15, Ch 20, Ch 25, Ch 30, previous chapter, Ao3 Link, Lo’s, Pat’s and Virgil’s aesthetics, You are Magical, I’m dying to be with you, The Dreamer

Pairings: Logan/Patton, Roman/Virgil

Words: 9.007

Warnings: Roman and Virgil’s horny thoughts (not explicit), slight mention of cross dressing, scratches, political criticism, cursing – let me know if I forgot one!                 

Summary: Detective  Logan Sanders and his best friend and dorky partner Roman Prince have  made a dear friend in the lovely pattisier Patton. Logan however, feels a  lot more than friendship for the sweet man, even though he knows he  cannot possibly have him. Their routine is broken abruptly when Logan  finds bruises on Patton’s fair skin and slender wrists he could hardly  have received from his costumary clumsiness.   Meanwhile his partner  Roman has his own demon to fight, which comes in the form of a little  delinquent who seemed to have been pulled into a street gang quite  against his will. Roman is determined to help the strange young man. It  would be so much easier though if he just stopped hissing at him!

Notes: Thanks to @sebthesnipe​ for proof reading even though she is the busiest person in the world and to @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2​ for being amazing and running the KHS Discord server for two amazing years now.

Chapter 34

“Hey asshole, pick your shit up! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Virgil screeched at the unsuspecting dog walker from his spot at the front door of their apartment building, already seething with anger. He’d just gotten back from his early morning training at Talyn’s place and had been looking forward to finishing it with Logan, who was currently on his run. And now this dirtbag was getting all up in this shit – or… Virgil was getting up in the dude’s shit. Well sue him!

The man startled, looking down at the cigarette butt he’d tossed to the ground carelessly.

“What’s wrong with me? You can’t just call me an asshole over nothing! Who do you think you are? Where I throw my fags is none of your business.”

Oh, that had been a mistake.

Virgil abandoned his attempt to unlock the door and got right into the man’s face, ignoring the bulldog happily yaping around his heels. He was so ready for this.

“Over NoThInG? Listen up, you hollow walnut!”

Before he could start ranting properly, a familiar tall man wearing a band tee with a ripped collar, no shoes and wild eyes materialized next to him.

“Oohh yay, are we throwing away our stuff???” He cheered, immediately emptying his pockets and throwing everything on the ground with glee. Bloody tissues, clothespins, a folding knife, crumbling dog treats (immediately slobbered away by enthusiastic dog) and a worn, tiny bible. Papers immediately started spilling out of it – some filled with scribbled thoughts or to do lists, others with faded printouts. In his back pockets he found a bunch of candy wrappers he immediately threw up to rain around himself, unintentionally tossing a pocket Quran along with it which he hastily fumbled with so not to drop it.

Virgil ducked out of the radius of his debris, as usual weirded out and awed in equal parts by professor Duke. The dog-walker looked at him like he’d just bitten off his own foot.

“The hell? Fags aren’t the same as your garbage, you crazy freak!” The man exclaimed, thoroughly disturbed.

“No, dude. They’re much worse!” Virgil growled, ignoring Remus trying to free his fingers from a distressed looking worm on a string he’d gotten tangled in. Quite a few people had stopped to watch them, yet with the professor cheerfully making a scene next to him, Virgil managed to keep his head high despite the heat and anxiety making his heart race.

“Cigarette butts contain over 4000 toxic substances and are virtually indestructible.” The young delinquent hissed. “The filters are made of a plastic called cellulose acetate and they take 10 years to decompose completely- just one of those fucks poisons one cubic meter of water and kills all the fucking fish in it.”

“You should pick it up, friend. Before I get ideas about where to put it out.” Remus cooed sweetly, before ruining the elegant subtly of his threat by becoming way too graphic.

“In your face!” He screeched, flailing grandly and wiggling his fingers, the bulldog distracting him by nosing at his pockets, hoping for more treats. Its owner used the chance to sullenly grab his cigarette stub and get away.

“You shouldn’t have a doggy-dog if you can’t handle being a clean boy!” Remus hollered after him, way too loud and shameless. “Do you not wipe your ass after you take a shit either? You naughty, dirty boy? Is it a sex thing? That is the one sex thing you keep in your bedroom!”

Virgil was blushing thoroughly, not enjoying the attention despite the righteous fire still fueling his anger. What the fuck was wrong with people throwing their garbage on the ground? What were they thinking? Not only did somebody else have to pick it up, it also fell apart to become microplastic and the nicotine, tar and heavy metals – all 4.5 trillion of them that were thrown away each year. Fuck smokers who did that! They were what was wrong with the word! Seriously, could you be any more of a useless human if they were not even able to throw their trash away properly? Full offense, Virgil wanted to kick them in the face.

People were staring and murmuring around them and though he didn’t feel bad about his reaction, his heart was still in his throat at all the attention.

“What? Are you not entertained enough, you mindless sheep?” Remus roared brightly, spreading his arms and bouncing up and down on his toes, placing himself in front of the younger man. “Would you like me to sing you a song about the misfortunes of little Jimmy who doesn’t pick up his litter? Spoilers – he gets eaten by an octoshaaaark!”

He struck a dramatic pose and drew a deep breath. People started fleeing.

“Aw dang.” Remus pouted.

Virgil chuckled, feeling surprising affection well up in him. Remus was scary, yeah, definitely, but he was also an ally to his cause, and that meant a lot to him.

Crouching down and using the opportunity to let his hair fall over his face, he started picking up the non-bloody articles Logan’s neighbor had scattered on the ground.

“Why do you have a bible and a copy of the constitution?” He asked, trying to shake the paper from his fingers and finding it disconcertingly sticky. Was that a cough drop? Ugh, he’d have to disinfect his whole body.

“For arguments with conservatives!” Remus answered happily. “I like slapping them in the face with the dick that is my arguments every time they go all bibly-christiany on me! They don’t love the fact that Jesus was a sandal wearing liberal that much – a lot like I am, actually! Not that facts work well with them – I found that barking and bending over backwards with your tongue lolling out works best. Makes an impression!”

He’d settled down next to Virgil cross-legged, bouncing his knees, and started munching on the dry little cookie thingies the bulldog had missed. “Dog treat?��� He asked generously, holding one out.

“Why?” Virgil asked, completely bewildered. They were, indeed, little bone shaped dog treats.

“I like the way they crunch!”

“…okay.”  

Virgil still tried to make sense of the interaction he was currently having and found that using facts was indeed a lost cause with many republicans – which in this case was a generous euphemism for racists and Nazis, so one could just as well try what the crazy man did. Not everyone deserved to have a stage, after all.

Quietly, he examined the other. The ripped T-shirt made the wide collar slip down one of his skinny shoulders and the jeans he wore had definitely seen better days. His dark skin didn’t do much to hide the bluish shadows under his eyes. And also his naked, dirty feet were disgusting.

Dumping the stuff he’d picked up into the professor’s lap, he stood up. “Take a shower and come up at twelve, I’m making veggie burgers.”

There would be so much complaining once Roman found out he’d invited Remus.

***

Logan ran a hand through his sweaty hair, pulling the damp, raven locks out of his face. His muscles were burning pleasantly from his run and he was looking forward to his post workout stretch with Virgil. It would be illogical not to use the knowledge of an experienced gymnast for advice, after all. Though his little delinquent was still shy about it, the detective found he appeared to enjoy exercising together, as long as they were doing it in the safety of Virgil’s room where he could comfortably hide in his oversized sweaters.

His thoughts amusedly circled back to the way Virgil had to shake his hands free from his overly long sleeves whenever he reached for his feet while he fumbled his keys free from the little pocket sewn into his close-fitting trousers. As usual, Logan fetched the mail on his way up, sighing as a stack of colorful envelopes fell into his hands. Glitter rained down from one of them. With more gentleness than he felt inclined to, he beat the stack of bulging papers against the side of the building to loosen the shimmering plastic particles. Did this action constitute a case of littering, he wondered. He resolved to bring down his vacuum cleaner to deal with the mess after his shower.

On his way up, the detective separated the pile into his and Roman’s mail, ending up with sensibly sized, white envelopes in one hand, and a bunch of offensively colored, suspiciously rattling, sticker covered, perfumed fan mail his partner was greedily waiting for. He kicked the professor’s apartment door closed as he passed it, satisfied to hear him mumbling over the running shower in the also open bathroom.  

Roman was already lurking in the opened door to Logan’s own apartment like a silk-clad dragon looking to expand his hoard, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet. Logan rolled his eyes. Despite having received letters for a week already, he was still overly enthusiastic about them every day. And he still refused to get them himself, instead he let Logan hand them to him exasperatedly like some strange ceremony.

The young detective snatched the pile eagerly, pouting as Logan held back two of them, not liking the powdery, sandy sound they were making when he tilted them. It was likely more beads or glitter, yet they still went into the box by the door to be checked in the lab (as they all should). He had ordered the post office whose address the fan-mail was sent to, to be extra vigilant before delivering the mail to his apartment, but he would most certainly not put the safety of his family at risk. He wondered, once again, whether he ought to borrow a service dog to check the mail for – preferably the rest of their lives actually.

“Look, Patton fairest, what the wind has blown in!” Roman sang cheerfully, twirling around the baker gracefully and then taking him for a spin and dip.

Patton giggled, stumbling and holding on to the tall detective, getting his lovely curls all tangled up in the frame of his glasses.

Smiling contently, Logan slunk into Virgil’s room to engage in what he hoped to turn into a routine. The young man was already waiting for him – playing on his phone curled up on the dresser between the planet lights he had kept, hair curling slightly with dampness from his private routine in Talyn’s gym he was slowly taking up again.

Meanwhile, Roman flopped onto the couch and yanked Patton into his arms enthusiastically, wanting to share his happiness and also maybe trying to distract him a little bit from his preparations for his return to the café. He wanted to support his friend, he really did, but he couldn’t help trying to put off unpleasant tasks for as long as possible instead of facing them. It was an issue he’d always had – one that had driven Logan half-crazy before he’d started to deal with many of those tasks himself and handed over others to Roman instead. They were making it work.

Roman didn’t actually have to do anything for the café, but the plan to reopen it, no matter how much Patton needed it, still made him antsy. Trevor-the-villainous-fiend could be lurking there. Who knew what could happen? After all, they had neatly avoided any contact, despite how often he had secretly talked the little baker out of calling him in the night when he’d been frightened and guilty. Which had been a lot of times. Better not tell Logan about that.

Well, distracting himself until the problem went away or got horribly unavoidable was a strategy that had gotten him through life just fine (now that he had Logan to read his paperworky-mail which he had an almost insurmountable aversion against dealing with), so he cuddled the baker close and settled in for some pleasant distractions.

Patton probably knew what he was doing, considering the way he pushed their cheeks together and hummed sweetly. Ugh, Roman felt so loved, it was too much for words. He squeezed Patton’s little body at his side closer to himself, just needing to hold on so suddenly. He loved him so much his heart was pounding with it. Feeling giddy with it, Roman jiggled and rocked them happily, delighting in the laugh he elicited.

“Alrighty, my most precious Patton, shall we discover the adoration of my beloved fans together?” The young man cheered, bright with eagerness.

“Yes! Now that I’m enveloped in a hug letters begin!”

Pulling his legs close to curl comfortably into Roman’s hug, and lean against his warm, broad chest, Patton selected the first envelope – a loudly patterned lilac one. Roman ripped it open with childish pleasure.

“Ohhhhhhhh!” He cooed, the sound almost too high for a man this large. “Isn’t this the most delightful thing you have ever seen, my fairest friend?!”

He was unfolding a drawing of himself in full superhero regalia, cape and sash and all, clearly drawn by a little child. Picture Roman was holding hands with a little kid each – a dark skinned girl in a princess dress and a blonde child of indeterminable gender due to the quality of the drawing. They were wearing a knight’s armor with a lightsaber as much as he could tell. It was adorable and Patton was putting it on the fridge. His eyes were watering at how cute it was.

“Oh.my.god. Virgil, my starry night, come here and see this!” Roman howled, very close to Patton’s ear.

The grumbling from next door indicated the delinquent’s feeling about the nickname as well as the interruption.

Roman waved the letter around with so much enthusiasm it nearly dislodged Patton. With a squeak, the baker held on to the tall man’s neck, even though the strong arm around his waist held him safely where he was almost pulled into Roman’s lap entirely.

Virgil, dressed in a mix of his old gymnastics’ clothes and his newer, oversized hoodie that hid as much as possible and fell all the way over his hips, didn’t really feel like being seen by the attractive detective right now. He didn’t mind Logan seeing him in his pants that fit his toned, long legs like a second skin, but with Roman, he felt a little more self-conscious. Especially about the combination with the ratty, overly long hoodie.

He used to wear tight fitting shirts that he now knew could look quite enticing when they slipped up his middle as he stretched or exposed his shoulders, but he didn’t feel confident enough to pick them out himself anymore. He wanted to look pretty for Roman more with every day, but considering the way the man had seen him in the past, he didn’t know if he could pull it off. Maybe Roman would feel like he was dressing up like a whore again - wearing a costume to seduce him. He didn’t know what made him so reluctant to dress better, it was just – such a big step and he didn’t know how to go about it anymore. So he wrapped his arms around his middle and hoped not to look too annoyed and uncomfortable. Especially considering how happy Roman appeared. So bright and innocent.

He was radiant.

And he was reading fan mail.

Virgil didn’t love the fan mail. Not at all. Remy had been forced to listen about it for a long time. He just hated the thought of those dirty minded, thirsty bitches getting to tell his man about all of the horny things they came up with while they drooled over his pictures. The fuck was wrong with them, trying to steal his- his- argh Virgil hated them with a passion, okay?! Who knew what ideas they were putting into that beautiful idiot’s head?

Remy was still patient with him thought, however the fuck he managed to do it. Virgil had the feeling he was being indulgently laughed at when he raged about the letters over the phone. So what if he hadn’t actually read any of them?! Roman kept singing their praise to anyone who would listen, why would he need to look at them himself? He was sure they were every bit as awful as he imagined.

Roman looked too happy with them. Fuck that.

He really looked quite happy, actually.

Virgil slowed his steps suspiciously.

Giggling, Roman flattened the paper before his eyes to read to Virgil. He even tried to do the voice. A voice Virgil immediately recognized.

‘Tell my anxious doll to, like, not to be such a moody diva and come look at some cute fan mail with his eye-candy detective.’ Roman took a break to preen. ‘I promise you don’t have to be scared, babe. Y’all are just making tasks bigger and scarier by avoiding confrontation with unpleasant chores and then they, like, build up in your messy little minds and that is not cool cause it makes me work for my not-money. So have a letter written by my precious little baby girl angels as a treat, okay girlfriend?’

“Awwwww so sweet!” Patton sighed.

Roman looked thoughtful for a moment as he pulled out the third sheet of paper written with a rainbow pencil, probably by Emile since the girls were too little to write themselves. The words were all enthusiastic little girl, though.

“How would you feel about looking at just one or two letters with us before returning to my dearest partner?” Roman asked sweetly. “They truly are quite entertaining. Just yesterday I received one from the utterly ravishing miss Van der Beek. All her other friends promised to write as well. It turns out I am quite popular with distinguished ladies with more experience enjoying the finer things in life!”

“What he means to say, kiddo, is that old ladies just love our dashing prince. Most of those are sent by the cutest grannies from retirement homes.” Patton explained with a warm smile that was just a little mischievous. “That doesn’t mean they’re all innocent, though.” He added cheerfully. Truthfully, he was already itching to get his hands on the hilarious letters. Those ladies really weren’t shy and Patton secretly wanted to be just like them someday. Enjoying the good life and making the best puns about butts.

Roman didn’t mind the fact that most of his paper-mail was written by children and elderly women (and grandpas, sometimes). He received emails and even digital art from younger fans as well, and he adored them, so, so much, but since he couldn’t keep them in a box with the pictures and drawings and ribbons and whatnot he enjoyed the letters even more. He just loved how creative they were. They really made him feel special. He should have known they’d make his dearest raven anxious, though. He really hoped to put him at ease with this gentle introduction Remy had created for him. And it worked! Of course it did – Remy’s children were the most precious things in the world! He could barely wait for their play date next weekend!

He was a little relieved to find the other letters they opened to be just as fun and cute. They usually were. Patton had a talent for selecting the nice ones from looking at the envelope alone. Not all letters were super sweet of course, but that was why he rarely opened his fan-mail alone. Both Patton and Logan made the creepy ones disappear quite quickly. Virgil could handle those, Roman was sure, but there was one person whose letters would just upset his dear wildcat.

They’d come in fine, yellow envelopes with pressed yellow roses inside and were written in the most beautiful calligraphy he’d ever seen. Recognizing the handwriting on the outside, Roman had squirrelled them away quietly. He hadn’t been able to stop running his fingers over the gracefully curved ink and flowing, tender words for a long time. Guiltily, Roman kept them in a separate box. He didn’t know how to contact his nemesis/admirer and wanted to let them down gently, after all. Before he caught them to lock them away, of course. He just wasn’t entirely ready to give up this feeling. He’d never been courted this way before and it had softened him towards his nemesis.

Virgil returned to Logan more relieved than he had been before, especially since Miss Van der Beek’s friends had come through and had written the most outrageous fan-mail. Roman huddled up comfortably, opening one last letter with Patton before lunch. It was a square, heavy envelope made from cream colored thick, expensive paper. The card inside was heavy and decorated with ornate, delicate gold finishing on the curved corners. It opened in the middle and admitted a view of a beautifully printed card. It read

Invitation

to the Morgan’s annual charity ball 2020

at the Ritz Carlton

 All the air seemed to have left the room. The paper tilted in front of Roman’s eyes and slipped from his numb fingers.

*

“I just don’t understand – after all those years…” Roman stared at the invitation, almost vibrating with nervous energy. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw his father’s face turn to stone as he refused to change his ways after nana’s burial. Even after such a long time, it was still crystal clear in his mind.

He wanted to jump up and pace frantically, yet he couldn’t bear to lose the grounding touch of the men gathered around him. Patton had pressed himself against his side as tightly as possible while Logan stood over him, tall and solid, keeping a firm hand on the back of his neck. Only Virgil was sitting with some distance between them since he was clearly too upset to soothe anyone. The golden embossed paper seemed to cause his fury to boil over almost entirely by itself. He looked pale and angry and… he snatched Roman’s sleeve with a thin hand, holding on tightly. His eyes were dark and so hurt on Roman’s behalf.

“They chased me away. Why would they want me there now?” He asked softy, looking at his family with a lost, helpless gaze.

The young detective agonized over the invitation for most of the day, carrying it around and reading it over and over again. Even the presence of Remus during lunch didn’t manage to get a rise out of him in this distraction, which clearly made the professor sulk. Especially since he had a few words to say about those republicans! Thankfully, Virgil and Logan made him some calming herbal tea after lunch (leaf piss, in his opinion but okay), and spent some time debating the advantages of actually murdering and eating the rich while nesting on Logan’s cozy balcony. Patton took Roman’s hand to go on a walk to help him clear his head. It helped.

“A Prince doesn’t shy away from a challenge. I owe it to my pride to go. I can and will do this with my head held high!” He proclaimed proudly at the dinner table the same night. Patton squeezed his hand in support, smiling at him warmly.

*

“I can’t do this! What was I thinking???” Roman wheezed, trying to calm his racing heart the next morning. “This is the height of hubris – I have fallen victim to the folly of man! There is no way I’m going!” He howled, pulling on his hair and staring at the letter like it would explode. What had he been thinking???

*

By midday, Roman proudly projected his voice through the entire flat from his perch on the coffee table. “I will be proud and gallant and dazzle everyone with my charming compliments and dashing appearance and my family shall be devastated to see what they missed when they threw away their most glittery offspring!”

His figure was bathed in the brightest sunlight. His fears forgotten, Roman was ready to take on anything!

*

“What if it was a mistake? Is this a mistake?” Roman wailed, flailing around with the mangled invitation in hand only an hour later. His eyes were wild. He’d been carrying the expensive paper everywhere with him, swinging erratically between nervous episodes of self-doubt and fear of his father and loud and boisterous assertions of confidence. His hair had become an utter mess from running his hands through it during dramatic monologues and moments of insecurity alike. The others were trying to allow him to come to a decision himself, but the lovely detective appeared to be coping poorly with the freedom.

Half an hour later, he was once again standing on the couch, posing heroically.

“Finally they shall see what a marvelous protector their son has become! A shining knight! A handsome hero dressed in blue!” He boasted, wide eyed and clearly trying to convince himself of his own worth – even as he was asserting his superiority, he was slipping into a pit of self-hate.

Virgil wanted to kill someone.

Seeing this beautiful, confident man spiral so deeply into mental instability because of a letter was ripping him open inside with nowhere for the blood and fear to go but the boiling maelstrom that was his protective fury.

That wasn’t what Roman needed now, though. Taking a deep breath, the barista reached for his man.

Virgil grabbed a hold of Roman’s surprisingly trim waist and pulled his heavy body down next to him. His mood swings between elation and terror were wearing the young man thin. Resigned and too tired to overthink, he yanked the already slightly worn invitation from the tan hands, chucked it on the coffee table, and folded his body onto the large detective’s lap in the wild, desperate hope to pin him down finally. He seemed to love when Patton did it.

The bold move made him sweat with anxiety, yet it was a much more comfortable form of comfort than talking about the issue and ending up insulting Roman’s family as he so desperately wanted. Physical contact had helped calm Roman down most so far, but Logan wasn’t here to grab his partner in a silent, firm hug that squished him against his chest until he grew quiet and Patton was on the phone with his staff, so no tangling his soft limbs with Roman’s now either.

Virgil had tried to keep his distance from the issue after Remy had explained that Roman needed to make his own decision. He probably hadn’t meant brooding in silent fury (while telling Patton what he was angry about and awkwardly reminding him that he loved him all the time).

He couldn’t help hating that republican trash that was Roman’s parents even more than before, though. He wasn’t confused about their motivations for a second. Those filthy pieces of shit were sensing an opportunity to improve their reputation with millennials who were rallying against billionaires who exploited the world – the environment as much as their workers – without even paying fucking taxes. Seriously, fuck Trump, fuck Jeff Bezos, fuck the Morgans! They would try to use Roman’s fame and honesty to claim him as a token to show off to liberals, to make themselves look tolerant and likeable with their beautiful, gay hero son. He was acceptable when it was useful to have a diversity card they could pull in debates, now that their homophobia and racism wasn’t as accepted as it used to be. Fuck them with a broken chair.

He couldn’t say all that, though. He’d just make Roman defensive in this terrible way that left Virgil nothing to work with. The taller man was never aggressive with him. Instead he grew quiet and sad and tried to make Virgil feel safe by being submissive and gentle and letting him have his way as he swallowed all of his pain and fear for everyone else’s sake. Roman didn’t need his anger. Logan had already gently told him about all of the fears he and Virgil shared and had offered his support, he didn’t need a reality check Virgil was desperately holding back. Roman knew they were using him – intellectually at least. Yet, his heart was probably hoping they were finally willing to love him.

So Virgil pulled himself together and silently leaned his lithe body against Roman’s broad chest and tried to gather the courage to say yes to the lovely man’s unspoken question.

The invitation contained a plus one.

Virgil had seen the way Roman’s gaze had sought him out hopefully. He wanted him there, which was astonishingly sweet, since Virgil was… well. Virgil. The fact that Roman, who was beautiful and elegant and charming to a dazzling degree wanted to show Virgil on his arm when he knew how judgmental this fucking crowd was, when he knew what they would think…

Yes, it was also completely and utterly terrifying.

Seriously. A charity ball. At the fucking Ritz? Even young and not so messed up Virgil would have hated the thought with the passion of any idealistic, liberal activist. Fucking corrupt money bags trying to look like they cared while they marinated in their arrogance and wealth while kids in America couldn’t pay for their school lunch and went hungry. While they supported putting fricking kids in actual fucking cages seriously what the fuck this really was the cursed time-line.

Also was there a person alive on this planet who fit the aesthetic of the fucking Ritz less than he did? He didn’t think so. Fuck he needed Remy now. He’d promised to help, thank Tesla. Virgil was clinging to that voice in his memory that had told him to ‘breathe, doll. Daddy has fixed lots of tiny girl hair and fashion disasters in his time. We’ve got this, okay, babe?’

Sure. Dressing a feral bat like Virgil for a FUCKING BALL was a piece of cake.

Well, first he needed to see if Roman actually wanted him to come or if that had all been in his head and Virgil was about to humiliate himself so badly, he would have to move out and change his name. Maybe Roman hadn’t asked yet because he wanted to avoid pressuring him with something he knew he was anxious about. OR he had recognized how badly Virgil would look on his arm.

Virgil felt like he couldn’t breathe for a terrifying moment. He used his position in Roman’s lap he’d chosen in a moment of courage to hide his face against the tan, smooth skin of the detective’s neck.

A deep breath left the taller man as Virgil curled close. He wrapped his arms around the thin body and sunk against him gratefully. The purple mane was so soft against his cheek. All thoughts drifted away – invitations as much as sunflower-yellow letters – leaving only the sensation of warm breaths against his skin and a gracefully curved back under his palms. Everything seemed to quiet, to slow down.

Virgil’s body moved slightly with every breath. He was so warm and alive, such a grounding weight in his lap. He arched against his chest willingly to press himself closer, letting Roman feel the way his ribs expanded on every inhale. The darkness behind the young detective’s closed eyes felt soft and safe. He gently moved his palm over the prominent spine, between wing-like shoulder blades. Stress flowed from his body like water. Slowly, their embrace lost its purpose and became lazy and comfortable, a hug for no other purpose than allowing them to exist so close to each other.  

After what felt like a long time of soft tenderness, Roman felt Virgil tense again, knowing he had to get it over with. He couldn’t keep hiding in a cute cop’s arms for the rest of his life because he was embarrassed.

“Listen, man…” He murmured quietly, pulling back slightly. Despite Roman’s hands still resting loosely on his hips, now that he wasn’t curled up and hidden anymore, he felt silly and out of place, suddenly. He really had just sat down in Roman’s lap, huh? What the fuck, Virgil? Heat rose to his cheeks and that just made things a lot worse. He pushed his head down and braced his palms on that hard chest and barreled on.

“Uhm, about- about that invitation. I know you’re anxious about it, and I’m really not good with that shit – I mean – that’s obvious, considering-” He gestured to – all of himself self consciously. “I really don’t know anything about your, eh, your social class and those fancy parties and shit. We’re from pretty, pretty extremely different backgrounds after all, and-”

Roman’s large hand rose to tip Virgil’s blushing face up in order to reassure him (and because it made him feel like a chivalrous knight). His fingers found the pale delinquent’s throat instead. Feeling the racing pulse, he curled his hand around the slender neck right under the jawbone with utter gentleness and brushed it upwards, pushing his chin up slowly.

Virgil’s breath hitched upon feeling the intimate hold he was captured in. It would be easy for the grip to turn punishing, yet he only brushed his thumb over the edge of his jaw and that felt very, very good. Vulnerable in all the right ways.

“What are you trying to say, dearest?” Roman rumbled softly, catching the younger man’s attention from where it had wandered to inappropriate places.

“Uh…” Virgil needed a moment. Roman’s eyes were so vividly green, like sunlight filtered through freshly grown, thin leaves. His mascara made his lashes so long and dramatic and so pretty.

I, uh…” He stuttered again. Roman was biting his lip in amusement, so pleased to have muddled Virgil’s brilliant mind and the barista felt like a useless, horny teenager for the first time in too many years.

A chuckle escaped the detective that was deep and rumbled under Virgil’s palms. He looked at the young man in his lap like he was the sweetest thing.

Feeling his blush flare up, Virgil ducked his head, allowing Roman’s palm to slip onto his cheek. He didn’t force his chin up as he was composing himself. Instead, the manicured hand moved across pale skin and scratched lightly across his scalp. A shiver broke out and raced over the delinquent’s entire back. His mouth fell open in a pleased sigh as he leaned into the caress.

Hell yeah, he could just keep doing that forever, please and thank you. His large palm rested on the pronounced bones of his hip, gripping gently, safely. Virgil could feel the detective’s intense gaze on him like a physical touch. He felt very warm as he leaned closer to that powerful hand in his hair that gave him so much pleasure.

His flush was still hot on his cheeks, yet the heat rising under his clothes wasn’t caused by embarrassment despite the intimacy of the moment. He’d never thought he would be able to let his guard down and be looked at this intimately when Roman made him feel this way. The detective’s other hand moved slowly, brushing up and down his back in the lightest of touches.

Virgil couldn’t help the breathy moan that escaped him. It was totally justified, okay? He felt those muscular thighs shift underneath him, adjusting their positions just a bit, so he was brought more securely into the hold of those strong arms and felt a warm breath on the side of his face.

Suddenly, Roman yanked his hand back as if Virgil had electrocuted him, yelping like a frightened dog. His whole body jumped, jostling Virgil.

“The fuck- Cat, what the actual fuck?” The younger man screeched at the ball of gray fur that had wedged itself between them and was furiously hissing and biting at Roman’s hand. The detective flailed and squirmed, unbucking Virgil in the process and dumping him on the cushions as he tried to escape over the back of the couch from the vicious raccoon. He landed face first with a ‘thump’ and an unmanly whimper.

Patton peeked in from the kitchen, phone between his cheek and shoulder, kitten purring in his big cardigan pocket and mixing bowl in hand. Finding Roman trying to twist into a sitting position while his legs were still sticking over the back of the couch and Virgil being slobbered over by an overly affectionate, possessive raccoon, he shrugged and closed the door behind himself. He and Nugget were not getting involved in that particular jealousy triangle. His kiddos would just need to make do.

“Oh shit, Roman, are you okay, dude?” Virgil asked and he knew, he knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help the laugh bubbling up his chest.

Cat was squishing her fat butt all over his lap, pawing at his shirt and lovingly gnawing on his fingers, looking fucking pleased, fricking narcissistic levels of proud and awed at her prowess, like she’d owned the biggest, baddest villain of the kingdom, like she’d saved the princess and gotten the whole cake. While Roman – well…

The young detective/tragic victim heaved himself up on the backrest and was immediately hissed at fiercely. He snatched his hands to his chest to protect them from more scratches. Peeking over the couch just enough to look over it, his precious hair a mess and his lovely hands badly wounded, donning his best, hurt puppy dog eyes, he found no sympathy from his beautiful wildcat.

Virgil snorted helplessly.

“I’m sorry-” The barista gasped, really, seriously feeling sorry and knowing he shouldn’t be rewarding Cat, he was creating a monster here, but Roman looked so messed up. All of that magnificent hair that usually made him look like a prince falling over his face in messy, fluffy tufts – that betrayed, gorgeous, hilarious face-

He doubled over, snickering turning to wheezing laughter the more he tried to suppress it, and felt Cat purring up a storm from where she was throned on his lap, Queen of the couch, breaker of horny cuddle sessions, bane of Roman’s existence.

Since the purring somehow seamlessly turned to spitting, frothing hissing whenever Roman got too close, the poor, beaten hero had to settle into the armchair facing the love of his life (stolen by a villainous adversary), where he tried not to mope too much. He felt a very justifiable pout coming up.

However, tears were now streaming down Virgil’s face while he made himself lightheaded trying to scold Cat and repress his laughter. He only succeeded in making himself hiccup and devolve into a new peal of giggles.  

Roman melted into the armchair.

*

They were quietly folding blankets and putting away pillows, comfortable with each other even though Cat was still sitting in Virgil’s hoody, occasionally touching the back of his head and neck and gurgling threateningly.

It was alright.

Roman wasn’t a malicious man.

And he would get her back for this…

Glaring secretly at the bristly beast whenever Virgil wasn’t looking, the young detective finally remembered that they had started a conversation before their mutual attraction had overwhelmed them like swooning lovers in a romantic novel.

Giddy at the memory, he briefly amused himself with imagining them on a paperback cover – his own shirt open halfway over his gleaming, muscular chest, even longer hair flying in the breeze, Virgil fainting in his arms, pale and lovely in a Victorian dress – oh my lord. A flush rose hotly to his cheeks, especially as he imagined that trim waist encased in lace and possibly even a corset.

This time, he felt Cat was justified in hissing at him while she reached for him with sharp little paws, trying to take a swipe, craving destruction.

Thankfully, Virgil took his blush as a sigh of anger as he twisted around and saved the enthusiastically violent racoon from tumbling out of his hood in its quest for blood.

“Sorry, Dude. I’ll figure something out.” He promised.

Roman thought he didn’t look nearly alarmed enough. However… his little bird deserved all the valiant defenders he could get. The beast might make him feel safe while Roman wasn’t there to watch over him like the tireless defender he was. In principle, the young detective would not mind prospective rivals to be scared off. Just not himself, did this beast not have any taste?

Perhaps he’d just have to invest more effort in his quest to win over the scraggly protector of his dashing not-damsel’s honor! That he could surely do!

Filled with a new sense of determination, he maturely stuck his tongue out to the raccoon.

Virgil snorted. He was happy.

Roman liked that a lot.

“Before I forget…” He started casually, remembering how important the question had seemed to Virgil. “You wanted to ask me something before we were torn apart so viciously?”

The barista startled, his heart missing a beat with nervousness. Right. That.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I was just- you don’t have to say yes – obviously! It’s just if you don’t want to go alone- though you probably have plenty of people to go with- I know you have friends and coworkers and… fans… and Logan could go too so you really don’t need me to be in the way but if you want, I – uh…”

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted him gently, hoping with a fluttering heart he wasn’t misinterpreting the stuttering proposition. “Are you offering to go to the ball with me?” He asked gently, quickly adding for his lovely raven’s nerves benefit, “Because while I don’t want to pressure you in any way, going with you on my arm would make me the bravest and happiest man in the world.”

His words were very, very honest. Having Virgil there, as his date, as his to hold in his arm and show off, showing that the gay failure of the family had captured the most beautiful, smartest and strongest creature in the whole word – he would feel like the king in his castle. Nothing could make him feel like he’d succeeded despite being ashamed of his sexuality for so long than to show Virgil as his beautiful prize. Having him would validate all his struggles and make all the suffering worth it.

So no pressure to say yes. Roman was cool with whatever.

Virgil flushed brightly, ducking his head in a familiar gesture to hide under his hair. His heart beat a mile a minute, filling him with awed elation.

And a little bit of terror.

Looks like he was going to the ball after all.

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AAAAnd it looks like Virgil will finally need an outfit for the ball. I wonder who will help him???

As always, comments and reblogs are appreciated! If you want to support me, here is my Ko-fi page. Love you guys! Take care and treat yourself to something nice <3

Next Chapter

[imreallystressed]

nothing is okay /j (pt. 1?)

word count: ~2000 pairings: general angsty platonic DLAMPR, more specifically platonic roceit and the creativitwins, and some angsty (platonic) anxceit because we’re here anyway.  warnings: angst! so much of it. angry virgil, yelling, self-deprecation (thanks ro) and the like, crying, remus and his remusy ways, spoilers!! if you need something tagged shoot me an ask! notes: WOW this got out of hand. im almost definitely continuing this oops!! also while this is not meant to be unsymp virgil AT ALL, it could potentially be perceived as such just because we don’t know his reasoning. if you want it tagged let me know! there is. a cliffhanger. at the end,, but it is 100% optional and if you want to imagine a happy ending go for it!! ill write one too, i promise, but i need a break oops next! AO3 LINK

“Right,” Roman had said, or something along those lines, and then he had sunk out. Left. Always too scared to own up to his mistakes, and always too arrogant to even admit he made them.

He had sunk out, ended up in his room, because it was the only place he could ever feel safe anymore, what with the looming threat of his brother, who only came with some fun and terrifyingly complicated emotions he always chose to ignore. He’d never related so much to Logan.

He was in his room, and then he was in his bed, the tears in his eyes and guilt cloying at his chest making every movement feel clipped, like the whole world was moving at three frames per second, jumping around instead of the steady stream of ideas his room usually provided. Yes, his room was safe. But he was so, so alone.

He’d collapsed into his bed, wrenched his hands in the soft duvet until he swore he could feel the fabric tearing, and there he’d stayed for God-knows-how-long. He would guess somewhere around the three hour mark, at least since Patton knocked on his locked (always locked) door and he’d given no answer. Then again, Roman always had a way of losing track of time, helplessly locked in place as the hours flew by.

It had been, in fact, three hours and twenty-eight minutes since Roman had done his sort of... controlled free-fall into the bed, and hadn’t moved. His face had a print on the side, likely from the sequined pillow that he had fallen onto by chance - he hadn’t noticed the uncomfortable prick of plastic shards until he got up, rubbing his face with sore hands. He had, in fact, torn the cover of his duvet, but it was nothing he couldn’t imagine away when he was feeling better, or even take a needle to.

His head still felt stuffed full of cotton, but the feeling of guilt worming its way around inside his chest, up his throat was all too sharp. His first course of action was to apologise.

After that, well.

He would burn that bridge when he got to it.

He made his way over to the attached bathroom, splashing some water on his face with sluggish movements, trying to cool off his burning eyes or clear away the redness on the right side of his face. The water helped, however little, and he felt marginally better, more clear-headed at the very least.

Of course, with his senses now unimpaired, he was able to hear the yelling.

At first, it just sounded like some general voice - vaguely Thomas, but could also just be a stock audio of a man shouting into a microphone. Just under that, though, when Roman blinked tightly and focused a little more, was a faint gravel, oh-so-familiar, one that matched neatly with a grinning face and easy banter - Virgil. Virgil was yelling.

Roman dried his face roughly, irritating his skin more, and zoned out completely as he waited in front of the mirror for the red blotches to fade. Virgil’s voice faded in and out, sometimes stopping entirely. Roman couldn’t tell if someone else was interrupting him or if he was just that out of it.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of choppy-but-definitely-not-pleased dialogue and the sound of waves and misplaced bits of the conversation from earlier washing over his head, myriad colours and shapes dancing across his vision, Roman glanced back up at the mirror.

He looked normal - or, well, the normal from the past few months. Before that, there might’ve been a little more colour in his cheeks, or light in his eyes. He smiled, just to test it, and found his smile both reassuring and wholeheartedly wretched. Pretty, yes, enough to fool anyone looking, including himself - but just that. Pretty. Nothing behind it, no real emotion.

Roman straightened his sash. He could work with pretty, right?

“Don’t touch me!” shouted Virgil’s muffled voice, and Roman opened his door.

The first person he saw was Remus, lounging on the sofa cross-legged, his smile just as deranged as usual but his eyes pinched, like he was making a real effort to keep up his... peppy attitude. God, Roman could relate.

Then Patton and Logan, who both brightened upon seeing him, if you could call relief brightening. They were standing next to each other, but several feet apart - almost like they were ready to move, hold someone back. Patton wore a peacemaking smile that was obviously slipping off his face, his glasses sliding down his nose. Logan looked significantly more composed, his hands clasped behind his perfectly straight back (the only straight thing about him, Roman thought automatically) instead of hovering, like Patton’s. Like Remus, his mouth was set in a line normal for him, but his eyes were lidded slightly, not quite glaring but certainly not approving.

And then, of course, like the centerpiece in an odd stage, Virgil and De- Janus. Janus’ stance was defensive, pulled back with his hands raised by his sides. Virgil’s stance was none of that - he’d leant forward, hands thrown out beside him, gesturing wildly. Janus’ face was unreadable, eyes conveying some sort of sorrow, possibly, but mouth set in a classic smirk as he met Virgil’s eyes.

Virgil looked absolutely furious. 

Roman’d seen him angry, sure, plenty of times. A lot of the time directed at him. But he’d never seen Virgil truly upset. Like end-of-the-world, life is over, “I’m going to stab you to death with a kitchen knife” upset.

Roman stepped into the living room. Patton threw him a brief smile - a real one, not a “please don’t kill each other on the carpet” smile. Logan gave him a nod, and raised one eyebrow in a silent question, which Roman answered with a smile. His fake smile, but a smile nonetheless, and Logan didn’t seem to mind.

Virgil barely seemed to register that he was even there, continuing whatever point he had started. Roman heard a lot of words, angrily shouted, but none of them that he hadn’t already thought about.

Janus glanced over at him quickly, almost unwilling to look away from Virgil, and gave him a tiny smile, or just the ghost of one. Roman felt a tiny shred of guilt fall away from his chest.

Sudden movement caught his eye, and then Remus was next to him. His smile was gone, and instead of looking insane and slightly worried, he just looked like... well, like Roman.

Back in the beginning, right after the Split, both Roman and Remus were told, separately, that they tended to mirror each other. Completely subconsciously, one would copy the tiny mannerisms of the other. According to Logan, it was painfully obvious, especially when they stood next to each other.

Some far-off part of Roman’s brain wondered if he was doing that now.

���They’re fighting,” Remus said.

“To answer your question, I do have eyes,” Roman responded instantly, forcing down a panicked wave of nostalgia and memories of Thomas’ carpet on his face.

Remus didn’t laugh, but the side of his mouth did quirk up a little bit, and Roman felt like they were kids again, watching Logan and De- Janus debate.

“Oh please, like you’d know anything about being honest with feelings-”

There went that happy thought.

“How long have they been like this?” Roman asked, in part to distract himself from how dry his mouth was all of a sudden.

Remus screwed up his face. “Ugh, time. Long enough for a horse to bleed out.”

Roman blinked at him.

“Like two or three hours. You know I suck at time. We both do.”

Roman had to suppress his flinch at that one, turning his gaze back to the two in the center of the room. “Two or three hours? And they’re still going like this?”

“Oh, you should’ve seen Virgil when he first found out. Entertaining stuff,” Remus said, but it lacked his usual screech of laughter.

“Has anyone tried to interrupt?”

“Almost got decked.”

Roman sighed. “If I asked to talk to... Janus. Alone. Would Virgil kill me?”

“No. You’re the only one he hasn’t actively screamed at.”

“I was in my room this entire time, of course he hasn’t-”

“Or about,” Remus continued. Roman avoided his eyes, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. “In a negative way.”

Remus nudged his shoulder, and headed back for the sofa. Roman didn’t have time to shove away the feelings box that time - but he did have the foresight to hide his reaction to it.

“Janus!” he called, before he could talk himself out of it. Both Virgil and Janus paused, and suddenly Roman had four pairs of eyes on him - Remus was fiddling with some kind of string contraption that Roman really hoped wasn’t going in his room later. “Can I - can I talk to you? Alone?”

Janus looked back at Virgil and then to Roman again, his expression a closed door, and took a step towards him. Roman gestured to his room, and Janus made a beeline for it without hesitation. By the time Roman was closing the door, Patton had already clasped his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.

The last thing Roman saw before he shut the door was Virgil’s face, utterly heartbroken.

“If he asks you to pick a side, don’t,” Janus said the moment the handle clicked.

“Huh?” Roman responded, very eloquently. “Oh! Uh, sure?”

“It’s- he’s already mad at Patton. And that’s my fault.”

“It’s really not,” Roman responded instantly. Janus gave him an expectant look. “I assume he’s mad at Patton for... being your friend? Or something. And that’s fine, I don’t know what happened, but it’s not your fault, right? ‘Cause Patton made that choice and he seems to be sticking with it, and that’s his choice, not yours. So- yeah.”

Janus looked absolutely baffled, and Roman realized all in a rush that nothing he had just said made any sense, but Janus interrupted him before he could say anything.

“I- thank you, Roman. I appreciate it,” he said softly, and wow, did he actually understand any of that?

“No problem,” Roman said, rushing on. “I wanted to apologise. I didn’t - I shouldn’t have made fun of your name. It was mean, and I was lashing out, and I’m really sorry, and it’s actually a really cool name and I didn’t know you were into mythology-”

“Roman.”

Roman shut his mouth so fast there was an audible click.

Janus looked slightly pained, glancing around the room awkwardly. His tongue was moving inside his mouth, but he wasn’t saying anything, like he was thinking of the right words. Roman toyed with his fingers nervously, waiting.

“Okay,” Janus said, and Roman’s head shot up. “I accept your apology, even if I think it was unnecessary.”

“I-” Roman began, but Janus held up a hand to cut him off.

“I apologise too. Comparing you to Remus was low blow, and it didn’t make much sense anyway. Neither of you are evil. You’re nuanced.”

“We weren’t,” Roman mumbled.

“You are,” Janus repeated, frowning. “Years of personal growth have that effect.”

Roman smiled faintly. “Thank you.”

“Just common courtesy-”

“Not for that. But that too, I guess.”

Janus met his eyes, and they shared some kind of look, before he looked at the door again, sighing.

“I guess I should get back to that.”

“I can ask him to calm down.”

“It won’t work, and he has a right to be upset,” Janus said, pointedly avoiding Roman’s silent question. “You should sit with Remus. Make it obvious you don’t want to be involved, and we part as neutral.”

Roman frowned a little bit - neutral certainly didn’t sound good - but nodded anyway.

Janus opened the door.

(stop reading here to avoid the AngstTM cliffhanger and come up with your own ending :7)

(i can’t put another break so we’re using parentheses babey!!)

They stepped into the living room, eyeing Patton, Logan, and Remus, who all wore different shades of “distinctly guilty”.

The room was quiet.

Virgil was nowhere in sight.

[mochasandwords]

You Are Loved (Part 2 and End)

@strawberryjellystuff I hope it’s ok that I continued this! I will take it down if you want!

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Word Count: 1,699

Warnings: Sympathetic Remus, Sympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Roman, Unsympathetic Patton, self-deprecation, touch starvation, exclusion, crying, kidnapping, panic attack, manipulation, mention of killing (let me know if there is anything else!)

Ships:  Unsympathetic Royality, Platonic Analogical, Intruloceit

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Virgil's anxiety was through the roof. It had been a week and Logan was nowhere to be found. He kept trying to leave the Light Side, but somehow Patton and Roman always knew when he was trying to leave. He’s got to be with Remus and Deceit. Please, Deceit don’t be harming him too much. Virgil bit his nails, rocking back and forth on his bed.

There was a knock at his door, making him jump. I’m next. They’re going to hand me over next. Virgil’s breath sped up. Patton and Roman had to have forced Logan out. Logan wouldn’t have left by himself. He knows he’s needed. I have to be next.

“Virgil, can I come in love?” Asked Patton. Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but only a strained whine came out. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, sure.” He finally got out. The door opened and Patton stepped into Virgil’s room, smile wide and relaxed. Once he laid eyes on Virgil, the smile faded, and his eyes turned down in concern.  

“Vee, are you ok kiddo?” Patton asked, rushing to Virgil’s side. It took everything not to flinch.  

“I’m fine.” Virgil gave Patton a small smile. Patton’s gaze pierced Virgil, making him look away.

“Is this about Logic?” Patton asked, his grip on Virgil tightening the tiniest bit. Virgil kept his eyes on his blanket.

“Virgil. Is this about him?” Virgil gulped and gave one shaky nod.  

“Oh kiddo! How many times do Ro and I have to tell you? He’s fine. Most likely. Thomas is doing fine, isn’t he? He’s still thinking rationally and logically! So, Logic didn’t duck out, quack, and he hasn’t been destroyed by the Subconscious. The most logical explanation,” Patton giggled, “is that he’s with Remus and Deceit.”  

“Where he fits better.” Roman’s voice came as he entered the room, “He didn’t really fit with all of us, Vee. You know that. We all feel more than he ever did, and he never really helped with anything. We always ended up solving everything ourselves. Take ‘Moving On’ for example. Doesn’t it feel better to not have him hanging over your shoulder all the time?” Roman asked, smiling. Virgil nodded, trying his best to fake it.

“Y-yeah I gu-guess that makes sense.” He stuttered. Patton squeezed his side.  

“That’s the spirit!” He cheered, “Dinner will be ready soon, ok? Come on, Ro!” Patton leaped off the bed and grabbed Roman’s hand, pulling him out of Virgil’s room. As soon as they turned the corner, Virgil felt tears start to run down his face. What made all this worse was that Patton and Roman’s attitude hadn’t changed. They were still happy, boisterous, courageous. They were still Morality and Creativity, and yet they weren’t.

“Logan, I’m so sorry. I should’ve helped. I should’ve stopped them. I-.” Virgil started to mutter, but then jumped off of his bed and raced to his desk. He grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and started to write.

*******************************************************************************************

Dee led Logan out of the kitchen and into his and Remus’ room. The logical side was awkward to hold up, being a head taller than Deceit. Deceit wasn’t going to complain though, he would give Logan all the care and love he had lacked while with the Light Sides. He helped Logan onto the bed.

“Rest Logan. You definitely don’t need it.” Deceit whispered.

“No. I can’t just intrude like this.” Logan muttered.  

“You are not intruding. We’ve actually haven’t missed having a third person around.” Deceit said. He pulled away from Logan to grab extra blankets but froze as Logan whined, hand stretching out before curling into a fist. Deceit grabbed the blanket quickly and went back to Logan. He placed the extra blanket on the exhausted side.

Deceit put a hand on Logan’s cheek, wiping away the tears. Logan grabbed his wrist with surprising strength.

“Don’t- don’t move away please.” He whispered. Deceit’s heart swelled and filled with rage simultaneously. He climbed into his bed, keeping his hand on Logan’s cheek. As soon as he sat down, Logan latched to his side. But as soon as he did that:

“I’m sorry. I’m probably being too touchy.” Logan said, trying to pull back. Deceit could feel the desperateness waving off him, so he held him closer.  

“Logan. How long has it been since you had the touch of another side?” Deceit asked.

“Right now,” Logan replied. Deceit sighed.

“Logan.”

“A m-month or tw-two.” Logan choked out, “Virgil was my only contact and whatever contact it was, was minimum. Patton and Roman made sure of that.” Deceit clenched his jaws to keep himself from hissing and baring his fangs. There was a pounding on the wall, and Logan jumped. Deceit turned to see Remus standing in the doorway. His eyes were blazing, and a fist was slammed up against the doorway. In his other hand was a crumpled piece of paper.  

“I’m going to kill my brother. I’m going to shove him into a room and keep him there until-.” He started to snarl.

“Remus. Now is the perfect time.” Deceit hissed. Remus ground his jaw before joining Deceit and Logan. He pressed against Logan’s back, and Deceit felt the shiver that ran down Logan’s spine. He’s gone too long without contact. How was he surviving? He may be logic, but he’s still a side.

“What was the paper?” Logan asked, turning toward Remus.

“A letter. From Vee.” Remus said. Logan shot up into a sitting position.

“Is he ok?” Logan asked, “How did he get the message here?” He grabbed the letter out of Remus’ hand.

“When he was trying to infiltrate and pull all you Light Sides down, we totally didn’t put up ways of communication.” Deceit said, sitting up as well, hand moving to Logan’s shoulder.

“Can... we read it too?” Remus asked hesitantly, “We kinda miss Vee... once and a while, at least.” Logan nodded.

“I can read it to you. If you would like that.” Remus’ eyes lit up.

“That sounds amazing!” He cheered. Deceit could tell he was trying to hold back his outbursts and uncouth thoughts. He gazed fondly at his boyfriend. Logan smiled the smallest bit and nodded again.

Logan.

This is going to be very quick and frantic, as I'm not sure how much time I have before Patton calls me down for dinner.

I am so sorry for not defending you more. I should’ve been braver, but I'm not Roman. I’m not the courageous side. (Honestly, I've realized I should be glad to not be Roman.) I’m the flight or fight side.

I’m working on the fight part of me. I’m trying to fight the two already, but you know how Patton’s smile makes you want to listen to him. Thomas really is ruled by the heart.  

We should listen to the mind more.

I can only guess that Deceit and Remus find this first, and if you never get this, but they do: Can you two show him this letter? Just do that one last thing for me.  I was an ass for leaving you two. Forgive me. Please don’t hurt him. He deserves so much. That’s another thing I'll ask for, I guess. If Patton or Roman gave him to you, please treat him like you did me. Don’t treat him like an outcast.

Crap bye.

Love you Logan. 

-Vee

Tears streamed down Logan’s face.  

“What have I done? I left him there with those two. I need to go back-.” Logan moved to get up, but Remus grabbed his waist and held him down.

“YOU didn’t leave anyone. WE kidnapped you.” Remus grunted, “Fu**, help me out, Dee! He’s strong!” Deceit instantly sprung to Logan’s other side and helped hold him down.

“Logan, please calm down. They wi- won't hurt Virgil. They love him. You showed them that he was good, and he’s wormed his way into their heart. He’ll be fine.” Deceit whispered, biting back his lies.

“But his panic attacks-.”

“He dealt with me for how long, Lo.” Remus sighed, “You’ve only strengthened him. You’ve given him a better arsenal of weapons to use. Breathing. Staying in the moment. Ect.”

“Did you just say e-c-t? Like... the acronym and not the word.” Logan asked, relaxing. Remus giggled.

“Maaaaaybe.” He replied. Logan stared at him, before giving a hesitant smile. He allowed Remus and Deceit to guide him back to laying down on the bed slowly.  

“Will he really be ok?” Logan whispered after a few minutes of silence.

“He’s probably already spinning his web that’ll ensnare the two jack asses.” Remus grinned.  

“Right now though, we need to focus on you. You’re obviously touch starved and paranoid. You’re very thin, probably from lack of someone reminding you to eat. You are exhausted as well. And your self-love is nonexistent.” Deceit murmured, rubbing his thumb across the back of Logan’s hand.

“Am I that easy to read? I didn’t know my mask had slipped so far.” Logan murmured, Remus massaging his back and Deceit rubbing his hand almost putting him to sleep.

“You shouldn’t need to wear a mask.” Remus said.

“Would anyone love me if I didn’t? I don’t serve my purpose as effectively when I'm feeling emotions. Patton and Roman figured that out.” Logan sighed.

“Logan. Look at me.” Deceit said. Logan opened his eyes and Deceit pressed his other hand to his cheek.

“You are more than an emotionless side. If that’s the only truth I ever say without stuttering, then so be it.”

“Don’t forget what we said earlier. We will love you, Logan.” Remus whispered. Deceit nodded.

“We already do. You treated us humanely when the others flinched away.” Deceit added. Logan’s hand covered his mouth as tears fell down his face once again.

“I- I-. Thank you.” He chuckled, “How ironic that the ones cast out are the most kind.” Remus and Deceit laughed.

“I think... I can love you too. Overtime.” Logan whispered. Deceit put his forehead on Logan’s and Remus wrapped his arms around Logan and Deceit.

“If you don’t that’s fine. Don’t force yourself.”

“We won’t let you!”

“No matter what, you’re part of our famILY.”

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍��️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[lefaystrent]

Could you write a short story where Virgil is out at a store, Deceit and Remus spot him. Virgil is like F social interaction. Then is only rude because he really didn't feel like being noticed by people who recognize him. (Patton could be another costumer, Roman a cashier who is working there when not acting, Logan getting supplies for a science class at school)

A Storm Rolled into Town

Fandom: Thomas Sanders,Sanders Sides

Pairings: none

Summary: It’s not likeVirgil meant to become famous anyway. It just sorta happened. And now he’sshopping in some small-town mom-and-pop store on a weekday morning. Despitewearing the hood of his jacket up and perhaps looking the more conspicuous forit, he can sense that someone somewhere in this store is watching him.

Word Count: 2150

________________________________________________________________

Virgil Storm was born with eyes inthe back of his head.

Not literally. It was mostly justanxiety and paranoia working in tandem to create a 360° zone of caffeinated caution.A necessary skill when you became part of the famous crowd. All it took was onecrazy person with a knife screaming about how you’re meant to be together, andthen you’re fucking dead.

Not that Virgil had been assaultedby anyone.

Yet.

He has had experiences witha couple of stalkers before that were quickly handled. It’s amazing how whenmore than a handful of people know your name and can buy your merch, theirsense of entitlement turns you into a thing to be owned.

It’s not like Virgil meant tobecome famous anyway. It just sorta happened.

And now he’s shopping in some small-townmom-and-pop store on a weekday morning. He had to make a pit-stop on his longdrive back home to Florida. Sure, he could have gotten home faster if he’dridden in a plane. He could also set this store on fire or go jump in a lakewhile strapped to an anvil. Doesn’t mean he’s going to.

The point is, Virgil is very awareof how famous he is, and despite wearing the hood of his jacket up and perhapslooking the more conspicuous for it, he can sense that someone somewhere inthis store is watching him.

Virgil glances down the aislebehind him, but there’s nothing. Again.

He lets out a huff of air andcontinues to peruse the candy section. He’s got a craving for something sour,but he’s not looking to get accosted here.

He swipes up a packet of gummy wormsand goes around to the chip rack next. Virgil subtly peeks around the store,noting the two guys manning the register counter. They look young, maybe aroundtwenty. They’re more talking and laughing rather than working. Other than them,there’s this one nerdy looking guy in a tie and glasses over by the stationary.The store seems empty otherwise.

Virgil picks up a large bag of sourcream ‘n onion and nearly screams when there’s a mustached face poking out inthe space left behind.

“Boo!” the man says.

“Fuck off!” Virgil growls andthrows the chip bag right at the face.

A series of snickers come back fromthe candy aisle that Virgil had just vacated. Pissed off and heart racing, hewhips his head around to see some guy in a bowler hat.

“I do believe the phrase ‘got you’fits this scene well,” Bowler Hat says.

“You didn’t ‘get’ anything,” Virgilhisses.

“Oh? So you didn’t just jump likeyou’d seen a ghost?”

“He definitely jumped, Dee! He evenpeed his pants!” Mustached Man cackled, coming out from behind the chip rack.

“I didn’t—” Virgil went to defendhimself but found it pointless. These guys just seemed like assholes. “Justleave me alone.”

“Oh poo, have some fun would you?”

“Now Remus, let’s not annoy him toomuch. Wouldn’t want him to storm out.”

Storm.

He made it very clear that he knewVirgil’s last name. If the pointed pun didn’t say as much, the smarmy grin onBowler Hat’s face surely did.

Virgil tried not to show how muchthat got to him.

“So what? You know who I am. Bigdeal. Buzz off and let me shop in peace.” If these two kept harassing him orworse, Virgil could always threaten to call the cops. Then again, cops took afew minutes to respond, and it only took less than a second to die.

New plan. Virgil could throw downthe chip rack and then run for his life. And if that didn’t work, he carriedpepper spray on his person for a reason.

“What brings someone such asyourself to our neck of the woods?” Bowler Hat questioned, not leaving Virgilalone in the slightest.

Mustached Man jumped up beside hisfriend, leaning an arm against his shoulder to loudly whisper, “I bet he needsto hide a dead body!”

Virgil’s eye twitched. “Yeah,because that’s the only reasonable explanation, right?”

Mustached Man nodded in agreement. “Nothingelse to do around here.”

“It does get rather dull here,”Bowler Hat mused. He brushed his gloved fingers over his chin.

Seriously, who the hell were theseguys? And were they intentionally being low-key threatening? Perhaps not, butthat’s how they were coming across anyway.

“That’s nice.” Virgil smiled in away that showed his utter contempt. Better than showing his fear. “Now if you’redone bothering me, I’ve got things to buy.”

He would have liked something morethan just the gummy worms, but he no longer felt hungry enough to risk hislife.

Virgil walked away, his stepspicking up speed as he heard Mustached Man barking at him.

He was never stopping anywhere everagain.

________________________________________________________________

Roman sat at the register counter,bored out of his mind.

“Patton, my loyal companion. Remindme why we’re here again?”

“Because we get paid to be here.”

“Ah.” Roman nodded, eyes narrowedin deep understanding.

Then he slumped over with a whimperingwhine. His head banged against the countertop.

“Awww, cheer up Ro-Ro! We’ve only gota few more hours left of our shift!”

“My shackled soul is unmoved byyour comfort. They are but mere words in the face of unforgiving oppression.”

“…so what you’re saying is that youneed a pun, right? Or maybe a hug. A combination of the two? A pug. Oh!Doggy!”

Roman snorted as Patton’s train ofthought derailed. He sat up to stare at his coworker and long-time friend.

He snapped his fingers. “Focus,Puffball.”

“Oh, right,” Patton said,refocusing. His expression became determined. “Go on and get all the angst out,kiddo. I’m all ears.”

“Retail suuuuuucks,” Roman concluded.“My creative spirit yearns for a place I can spread my wings and thrive! I ammeant for bigger and better stages. You see this face? You hear this voice? Alltoo good to be squandered away in Backwoodsville, Tennessee.”

“We don’t live in Tennessee.”

“My point is that I am a work ofart, and yet I am left collecting dust in grandma’s attic. It is a crime! Theuniverse should give me a break already.”

From the stationary aisle, afamiliar voice contributed to the conversation, “Perhaps if you put nearly asmuch effort into publicizing yourself to the entertainment community instead ofwhining, you wouldn’t be stuck where you are now.”

Roman slammed a hand on thecounter. “No one asked you, Microsoft Nerd!”

Logan smirked and resumed hisshopping. They knew each other of course. It was hard not to recognize everyonewhen you worked in one of the only stores in town. Plus all three of them hadgone to high school together.

Patton patted Roman’s shoulder insympathy. “I think what Logan’s trying to say is that you’ve got loads of potentialand I’m sure someone’s going to notice one day.”

“That is not what I said at all,but go off I guess,” Logan stated.

Roman flipped him off. Somehow, despitehis back turned to him, Logan must have sensed it and returned the gesture rightback to him.

Patton swatted at Roman’s hands. “Don’tbe ugly!”

“That’s impossible for someone likeme.” Roman grinned.

Patton sighed. “What am I going todo with you?”

“Love me, of course.”

Patton giggled.

“Hi,” a clipped voice cut in. Romantore his attention away from the agony of his life to regard the customer athis counter.

Roman hopped up from his seat andshifted flawlessly into his customer service spiel. “Hello! Ready to check out?”

“Yeah,” the man nodded, his hoodfalling back a bit at the movement.

Roman smiled. He recognized thejacket brand and was about to compliment the customer’s taste.

Their eyes met briefly and Roman’sheart exploded.

Virgil Storm.

Virgil freaking Storm was standingat his register counter.

No. No it couldn’t—

HOLY SHIT!

“That’s it,” Virgil Storm said,tossing a pack of sour gummy worms onto the counter. He briefly glanced overhis shoulder as if to look for something. He wasn’t really paying attention toRoman, so he didn’t catch being ogled.

Oh god, Virgil Storm was standingat his register. No matter how many times Roman looked, Virgil Stormstood there, and all Roman could do was ogle him.

Roman suddenly found the candypacket very interesting.

If he kept his head down, nothingbad would happen, right?

“Uh . . . that’s it,” Virgil saidagain, and Roman realized that he’d been standing there frozen.

Willing his limbs to unthaw, Romanmechanically reached for the candy and ran it over the scanner. A beep sounded,and with a stiff arm, he punched for the total.

“Your total is . . . a number.”

“What?”

Roman couldn’t even look up farenough to check the screen. How could he? When one of his idols stood beforehim. He owned all of this man’s albums, for God’s sake!

“Yes,” Roman said, as if thatexplained everything.

“Okay . . .” Virgil said. Heshuffled, presumably getting his wallet out or something. Internally, Roman wasscreaming to Patton for help, but sadly his friend had never mastered telepathy.In fact, he had no idea what Patton was doing right now. He wasn’t sayinganything, that was for sure. Did he even recognize the celebrity in their storeright now?

“Here,” Virgil offered a five-dollarbill.

Roman blinked at it. Wasn’t VirgilStorm rich? Why was he using cash when he could use a card?

Carefully, lest he mess up andforever embarrass himself, Roman reached up and took the bill from him. Theirfingers weren’t even close to touching, but Roman still felt like he’d steppedon a live-wire, a shock racing through his system.

Roman had dreamed many a time ofcasually running into his idols. He imagined nearly daily of becoming likethem, of leaving his mark, of impressing those that he looked up to. He wouldbe suave and graceful and witty, a dazzling star in the making who would sweepthem off their feet.

Instead Roman hunched in on himselfand began to cry.

“Oh shit, are you okay?” VirgilStorm asked him, and that somehow made everything worse.

Roman covered his face with hishands and sniffled. “I’m just feeling a little emotional right now.”

How mortifying.

A hand rubbed at his back. “Sorry,he’s having a quarter-life crisis,” he heard Patton explain.

Roman threw up his arms,tear-streaked face be damned. “PATTON! That’s not why I’m crying.”

“It’s okay Ro, it happens to a lotof people. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I knew retail work was hell, butgeez,” Virgil commented.

Patton nodded in sympathy. “Hereally wants to be on Broadway someday.”

“Patton,” Roman gasped in admonishment.“You can’t just be telling V— telling people about my silly dreams.”

“Why’s it silly?” Patton asked. “You’reso talented! You’ll make it, I know you will. You’ve just gotta keep trying.”

This could not be happening rightnow. Roman wanted to curl up in the employee’s bathroom and die.

“Broadway, huh?” Virgil asked.

Screw going to the bathroom. Roman coulddie on the spot.

“Ridiculous, huh?” Roman tried tolaugh at himself. If he laughed at himself first, it’d hurt less when everyoneelse did.

Virgil shrugged. “Not really.Someone’s got to do it, right?”

Oh.

No rejection.

Just a practical sense of hope.

Someone’s got to do it, and thatcould be him.

Roman blushed and gazed down at hisfeet. “Thank you . . .”

“No problem. Just uh, feel better Iguess.”

It was clear Virgil found this situationawkward but was trying to be considerate. For that, Roman was extremely grateful.

“Dee! Remus! What are you doing inhere? You know you’re banned!” Patton hollered, moving around the counter. Hehad his stern face on and a broom in hand. The two troublemakers would do wellto run while they still could.

They watched Patton chase Dee andRemus off.

“Does that happen a lot?” Virgilasked Roman.

“Only about every other day.”

Virgil didn’t say anything, soRoman went ahead and finished the transaction.

“Here’s your change,” Roman saidmeekly, handing the correct amount back to him.

“Thanks,” Virgil said, pocketingthe money. He picked up his gummy worms yet hesitated.

“Something else?” Roman wondered.

Virgil scratched the back of hishead. “To be honest, I wanted to get more stuff. But those guys were beingcreepy . . . But they’re gone now, so . . . would it be weird if I went to getmore stuff?”

Roman’s lips twitched up into asmile. “You didn’t judge me, so I’m not going to judge you.”

Virgil smirked. “Thanks.”

___________________________________________

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[imnotcameraready]

chivalry is dead (8)

A/N: PLEASE READ ALL THE WARNINGS!!! — also if i’ve missed any warnings, please please please let me know!!! this chapter’s a doozy, and i don’t know everything that could be construed into something that might upset someone, so please let me know if you think there’s something i’ve missed so i can update this chapter and make sure it’s tagged in future chapters! or if i've worded any of them wrong! 

anyway, im so stoked for this chapter y’all wouldn’t even bELIEVE. you also finally get to see how much i adore the em-dash, ‘cause there are 33 in this chapter Alone

WARNINGS: Sympathetic Deceit, panic, panic attack!!, scarring/scars, past fights, loneliness, isolation, self-hatred/self-deprecation, self-isolation, swearing/cursing, curses, death threats, thoughts of ducking out, public torture (implied), argument (no yelling but Hardcore Debates)

WORDS:  9752 (it.,,.s,.s  so su fkcing l ong .,,. ,. .,   akshdlgasf sorry im so proud of myself bc i rarely ever write single chapters this long and im screaming)

PAIRINGS: I. am so fucking proud to say. that there’s a lil’ Prinxiety, Anxciet, and Roceit. more Prinxiety than the other two, but that’s because Roman’s doing all the legwork in this chapter

MASTERPOST

AO3 link!

@starlightvirgil @forrestwyrm @daflangstlairde @marshmallow-the-panda@askthesnake @k9cat @patromlogil

enjoy!!! love y’all so much <3 <3 <3 <3 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil didn’t think the first quest he’d have through Roman’s Imagination would involve trudging through a sewer line.

He pulled his hood tighter around his face, trying to block out the scent but leaving a hole just barely wide enough to see Deceit and the Thief walking in front of him, leading every step with the ball of his foot and basically tip-toeing through the cobblestone tunnel. The Thief had led him and Deceit around some roads too fast to follow, instructed them to put their hoods up and hide as much of their faces as they could until they breached the town’s defense wall, and to do that, they’d have to follow one of the paths beneath one of the two river branches. Underground and not seen. They were on the run from the guards, after all; Virgil agreed that getting caught would throw a wrench in absolutely everything.

Deceit was a little more careless. Virgil kinda wanted to kick him for it, actually. For someone so concerned about what was best for Thomas the real person, Deceit seemed very nonchalant about the whole “Roman, Creativity, might be gone forever” situation.

Roman was NOT gone forever.

Holy shit, Roman was gone.

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled, covering his mouth with his hood. The realization was coming in waves, slapping him with the ice cold knowledge that they’d demoralized Roman so much he’d basically ducked out. He’d done more than ducked out. He was fucking dead.

Calm down time, he could hear Patton’s voice in the back of his head start counting one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

“Virgil. Are you coming?” Deceit said.

Virgil looked up to see Deceit and the Thief both stopped and standing a few paces in front of him, waiting. While Deceit just watched with his mouth pressed in a line, the Thief looked more concerned.

Was that concern? Virgil couldn’t tell. He just nodded, not removing the hood from his mouth or taking any further steps forward, but it seemed that his approval was enough to placate the both of them.

The Thief turned back around, continuing to lead. “Sorry. I know it’s dismal down here, but this’ the safest passage out of the city,” his fingers trailed along the right wall, making a soft scraping sound as the leather rubbed against the stone. “We’re almost out.”

Deceit was trailing right behind the Thief, close enough that his cloak’s flapping was gently hitting his shins. It seemed best to stick close to their guide, especially in as confusing a situation as this one. Plus he may be able to learn some more about the Pandora’s box that they’d opened when interrupting this death fight nonsense. He actually kept trying to grab the Thief’s hand, something to guide (not comfort), but he kept missing. Or the Thief was dodging. But no, no way would he be doing that.

They turned another corner and the Thief held up a hand, stopping Deceit and Virgil behind himself. Neither of them opened their mouths, but he still shushed quietly and turned to face the wall. It looked like dirt and stone like all the rest of the walls. The Thief said something, not to either of them but himself. Deceit leaned forward, hand outstretched, but Virgil swatted it away.

He also ignored the glare Deceit shot him. “What?” Deceit taunted quietly, “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Fuckin’ liar,” Virgil grumbled into his hood, muffled enough that neither of the others could hear what he said.

Deceit heard that he said something, though, and smirked. It was always rewarding to watch Virgil squirm, especially since….

His smirk fell and was replaced with a sigh. The path to hell was paved in good intentions, after all.

The Thief stepped back, causing Virgil and Deceit to jump. They hadn’t noticed that he’d set a few fires — there were a few wicks embedded in the stone — and the glittering golden flames formed a circle in the wall. In the circle, where there used to be wall, was a hole leading to the outside world. Virgil could definitely see grass out there.

He followed the Thief as he stepped through the opening and out into the grass. “C’mon. And stop arguing, I can hear your eyebrow muscles moving,” he said.

Both Deceit and Virgil stopped, casting wary glances at each other before following again. The Thief didn’t look at them at least, but that just made it even more confusing as to how he knew they’d been shooting each other death glares for the whole sewer trip.

Ah, well. Nothing in this realm made much sense, anyhow. Virgil looked up, squinting at their surroundings. They were definitely out of the city. Behind them was the looming city wall, definitely over four stories tall and seemingly impenetrable. The hole they’d exited from was closed, small wisps of smoke rising from where the Thief had extinguished the spell’s flames.

And speaking of which, apparently there was a Roman who was a witch or something. Logan was right about the magic in this world, then. That was another thing he’d have to be wary about. Are you ever so stressed that you’re calm? Oh, worm.

Virgil snorted to himself and rubbed his face. The memes, they’d ruin him one day.

Deceit cast him a curious look, but disregarded it before Virgil noticed. They didn’t have the time nor expendable energy for animosity. Not here, and not with the stakes so high. He was trying his best to not antagonize Virgil — okay, but come on, it was just so easy!

To their left was the river, though it was more like a stream as it cut through a grate in the wall and along the grassy expanse towards the forest. The Thief seemed to be following it, humming a tune as he pushed around reeds and tall grass. To his credit, the Thief seemed less stressed now that they were out of the city; he was swaying, even, to the song he was humming.

“Thief,” he stopped humming when Deceit interrupted him, “You live in the tree, in the forest, correct?”

“I do. You’ve seen it?” the Thief looked over his shoulder at Deceit quickly.

“Yes. When we arrived in this world, we were in a patch of grass in the forest. Your tree was our first checkpoint.”

Deceit moved the reeds in front of him away with his hands. Crickets were chirping out here, the water glittering golden as the sun lowered behind them. Sunset would be happening soon.

It seemed everything shone gold, here.

“Like a video game?” the Thief asked, humor laced through his voice.

Deceit sighed. “That was Virgil’s idea.”

“Hey—!”

“It was a good one,” the Thief cut him off, waving a hand at Deceit without looking at him. “The concept of checkpoints isn’t just a video game thing. Any story has constants, things that’re always there to help the reader place themselves into the story and understand how things flow. My tree’s always been that, so we’ve always got somewhere we’re…,” he trailed off, then chuckled. “Rooted to.”

“Booo,” Deceit groaned, ignoring Virgil’s quiet snickering, “Patton would approve.”

The Thief winced. He stopped walking — they were halfway to the forest, following the river — and pointed two red fingers at them both. “I should warn you, watch out whose names you say. You never know who’s listening.”

Deceit shot a panicked and confused look right at the Thief’s back. He turned to Virgil and found his expression mirrored on the anxious side’s face, both not liking the implications of that statement.

They turned back to the Thief, who had just turned around and continued walking. Virgil cleared his throat first.

“What do you mean by that….?”

“There’s a curse on your guys’ names. Logan, Patton, Virgil, Deceit,” the Thief’s voice was light, airy, as though he didn’t particularly care. “If you say it, everyone hears it, knows where it was said and who said it. I don’t really care but, well. I would prefer not having too many uninvited guests tonight.”

“O….kay.” Deceit cleared his throat and shook out his hands, a little more frustrated now with that knowledge. He would have to ask more about that later — there were so many things they didn’t know about, that they needed to approach, but he couldn’t keep dropping things for others. “But….more on the tree. How old is it?”

Make the Thief finish a train of thought. Virgil raised an eyebrow at Deceit, who nodded. That was their gameplan. Milk him for information, on anything, because at this point, anything was helpful.

He clapped happily, Deceit noted, walking with a slight pep in his step as his thoughts were redirected toward his tree. “It was formed before this challenge. Roman made it, actually, back when Thomas was a kid and wanted a treehouse he could escape into. When….we feel like we want to be alone, it’s where we go, so it was fitting that I’d move into it once this challenge started.”

Virgil sped up a little, to catch up enough to walk inline with Deceit. No point in bringing up the rear the farther they got from the city. “You see this whole situation as a challenge? Like, the battle royale situation.”

The Thief waved a hand as the incline changed, entering the forest. “Something like that, yeah. Mostly we’re all fighting about what we think is best for Roman.”

Deceit and Virgil shared a look. They remembered the Playwright’s words, about maintaining order. It was easy, in the euphoria of finding Roman, to forget that all of these forms had ulterior motives.

Briefly, Deceit considered what the Playwright’s ulterior motive was. He hadn’t mentioned having one, but it was in his nature to not trust that sort of silence.

“What do YOU think is best?” Virgil asked as they both turned back to the Thief.

He didn’t turn to look at them, holding out a hand as a small bluejay — where the fuck did the bird come from?! — landed on his hand. The Thief whistled quietly at it, and it chirped back, and flew away.

They could see a sliver of his face, drawn up in a small smile, expression strained even as they couldn’t see it.

“....Stay in the Imagination. For forever.”

There was a pause.

Deceit was watching the back of the Thief’s head, eyebrow raised and glare frozen. That was a twist. No, no it wasn’t. He should have seen this coming — the others’ letting him stay locked in his room would definitely send the message that they didn’t care if he came out. Of course.

He glanced at Virgil, only to find the anxious side glaring absolute daggers at the Thief’s head. He wanted to duck out (quack). Son of a bitch, there was a part of Roman that wanted to duck out (quack).

Virgil was gonna scream.

Deceit made a gesture, and Virgil’s hand clamped over his mouth. He shot daggers at Deceit, who did his best to only focus on the Thief.

“That doesn’t sound healthy,” Deceit said, voice quiet.

“I don’t remember asking your opinion, little white lie,” the Thief grunted as he climbed over a particularly thick root.

He shot Deceit a quick glare before disappearing around it. His hand stuck out and motioned them both to follow. Virgil punched Deceit’s arm with his other hand and Deceit sighed, letting up so Virgil could speak.

“That wouldn’t benefit anyone,” Virgil hissed, dread laced through his voice as he held back as much of his panic as he could. He and Deceit both cringed when his Tempest Tongue slipped out, though.

They climbed over the root, Virgil first and giving Deceit a sharp kick in the side as he did so. Deceit hissed, and slapped Virgil’s back.

The Thief watched them both with a glare as they appeared over the root.

virgil could definitively say that the Thief was one of the parts of Roman that he didn’t like. He was squirrely, too ready to judge and too eager to cut ties, and Virgil didn’t see what a center-stage hog like Roman would gain from losing his audience. It was counterintuitive.

But maybe it was tied to ducking out. Who fucking knows.

The Thief’s expression seemed to let up, but he looked away again, continuing up the hill. “You, too, Dark Knight.”

They followed for while in silence, until Deceit asked, voice softer, “And what if you’re wrong?”

Now the Thief stopped. His shoulders were stiff, as though he had half a mind to tell them to shut up, or even to turn them back. Virgil opened his mouth, but Deceit held out a hand, shaking his head. Let him think.

Eventually, he slumped, tilting his head back and exhaling. “That’s the point of breaking Roman apart,” his voice was strained, “We need to piece him back together into something more, ah….I’m bad at wording, but something more indestructible.”

That was what he had suspected. Deceit sighed, lowering his arm and approaching the Thief’s back. Carefully, he rested his hand on his shoulder, giving him one tug to turn around and ignoring how stiff the Thief turned. The forest around them was darkening, and red light from the setting sun streamed in around them.

A harsh breeze swept through the opening. Virgil held his cloak tight around himself and looked around. The fear of bears was definitely more real now. But Deceit was unfazed. He held the Thief’s arm tight, even though it was limp in his grip.

He wasn’t going to lose Roman over something so….well, for lack of a better word, trivial.

“No one’s perfect, Thief. Everyone’s got flaws and denying yours might result in,” Deceit paused, trying to phrase this without revealing his exact thoughts, “Unwanted consequences.”

The Thief’s eyes were cast down, at the ground. His entire body was rigid, as though Deceit’s hand had frozen him upon touch.

Had he always looked so defeated? Held a darkness in those eyes just as bright as the shine that comes when spinning a yarn or acting in a play?

Deceit glanced at Virgil, then back at the Thief. How had they let this happen?

He shrugged Deceit’s hand off with a sharp shake, still refusing to look at him. “Yeah. It probably will. And, once you’re all out of here, you won’t have to deal with those flaws again.”

Deceit’s eyebrows shot up, hand curling into a fist at his side as he argued in the only way he could. The Thief didn’t care?! “It’ll hurt HIM, and it doesn’t matter who wins this stupid challenge. You understand that, right?”

“Yeah,” the Thief barked out a laugh, “I’ll take your word for it, Silver Tongue.”

He continued forward, not checking that they were following.

Deceit’s hands were curled into tight fists at his sides, shaking slightly. That went against all of his work. All of his and the other Sides’ wor, too! Trying to save Roman, for him to snap back and self-destruct like this.

It was going to hurt THOMAS, didn’t Roman understand that?

Did he WANT that?!

He huffed, eyes fixed on a dandelion growing in the grass. It did make sense, it was a long time coming — of course, what an oversight on his part, to allow this isolation to extend for so long—

“Hey, breathe,” Virgil’s whisper brought him back to focus, “C’mon.”

Virgil’s hand wrapped around one of Deceit’s, coaxing his hand open with practised understanding and gripping tight. “Don’t panic. That’s my job.”

Deceit cast him a sidelong glare.

Virgil shrugged, lips pursed, but a thin smile still present. He swung their arms up, then down again, and tugged him along. Deceit could feel him taking away some of his anxieties. There was no doubt that it was unhealthy, for Virgil to be roiling in everyone’s panic, but he couldn’t help but also being thankful as Virgil squeezed his hand in small pulses, tugging him along after the Thief.

After about a minute, he exhaled.

“Thank you,” Deceit murmured, eyes downcast.

Virgil glanced at him.

They could do this. Deceit swung their arms, and Virgil let out an exasperated sigh.

He was definitely still high strung, but they could do this.

But the Thief still wanted to leave.

Deceit pressed his lips together as he felt Virgil physically stiffen, the thought kicking him back into the reality. Which, in and of itself, was ironic, because the Imagination was super duper not reality.

“Thief,” he didn’t turn towards them, “You want to duck out.”

It wasn’t a question. Virgil was glaring at the Thief’s back, eyes a little wide.

Something was ringing in his ears. That’d been his fear — that’d been Virgil’s actual, personal fear for this whole endeavor. It’d just been confirmed.

The Thief stepped over a particularly large root, waving his right arm out towards the forest. “Of course. You’re necessary. Anxiety needs to have a seat at the table, yeah. You keep him out of trouble.”

He kicked a rock and hopped over another root. “We don’t. Uncreative people’re out in the world everywhere. Thomas can live without us, or with us muted.”

Oh my goodness gracious, Virgil was so glad Logan wasn’t there to hear that leap of logic. He couldn’t help the growing disgust on his face.

Deceit squeezed his hand again, but the Thief continued. “Getting to spend all our time here, in a world of our own creation? Win. You all get to go about running Thomas without getting annoyed by us all the time? Win. It’s a double win. A win-win.”

Virgil stood up straight, finally letting go of Deceit’s hand to gesture angrily at the Thief’s back. He seethed, throwing his arms into the air and shaking his tightly-gripped fists at the sky. It was like talking to a brick wall! An incredibly stubborn and narrow-minded brick wall who didn’t seem to have any critical thinking!

Maybe he should call it quits. He squatted, wrapping his arms around his head to block out the sunlight, trying to calm down again.

“Virgil.”

No, no, that wasn’t what he did. If Roman was stubborn, then Virgil was immovable, and he was gonna get his idiot back.

A hand rested on his shoulder, pulling him upward. Virgil swatted away at it, growling quietly into his own arms.

“Virgil, get up,” Deceit’s voice was barely audible over the blood pounding in his ears, “Or he’s gonna walk away.”

He nodded, exhaling into the ball he was curled into.

Let go. Let go of the damn worries.

“Virgil. Listen to my voice. Perhaps we cannot convince him, not alone and not tonight, but we can at least stay with him. Give him options.”

He’d trained himself to not listen to Deceit, who’d lied and manipulated his way around Thomas’ head. But, just this once….

Virgil nodded again and stood upright slowly, knees creaking and popping. They could do this.

Deceit patted his shoulder and motioned forward. The Thief was already a few yards ahead, but not out of sight just yet.

They both hurried after him.

Until he stopped.

The Thief’s shoulders slumped in relief as he finally spotted his tree in the distance. His pace quickened, jogging himself across the few meters between where he stood and the tree, and was followed by the other two Sides. Once they reached the tree, the Thief placed a hand against its side, running it along the bark slowly. As though greeting a friend.

“Welcome home,” he hummed, smiling up at the canopy.

He searched in his pocket and pulling out a lighter — a regular modern lighter, wasn’t there supposed to be a medieval theme or something?! That was MULTIPLE ITEMS— Deceit squinted at it, opening his mouth in an offended fashion. He was going to say something about that, because it was pretty unfair that he got to have something so modern while everyone else was relegated to objects that were period accurate, but Virgil elbowed him in the side.

The Thief, who was pressing the lighter to the black chalk, swirling the flame along the “door” opening, didn’t seem to notice. Virgil honestly just wanted to see what this magic was all about. Once he was done drawing the circle, he stepped back and held a hand out, pushing Deceit and Virgil back, too. “Open sesame,” he said with a grin.

All of the black chalk was alight, glowing gold from the flame. The Thief held a hand out for the drawn-on handle, and as soon as his hand got within an inch it glowed golden itself. The chalky text lit up red. He slowly turned the handle, now filling his hand with an amorphous golden light, and pushed the door open.

It swung easily, as though on invisible hinges.

The Thief smiled as the scent of home wafted over him. He took a deep breath, it’d been a long day, he was home, he was safe, and he turned to Deceit and Virgil.

Both of the other Sides were staring at the thick hole in the tree, mouths open slightly and eyes open much more. There wasn’t much to see inside the door, as there was a small staircase leading up to the actual living quarters, but the fact that the fairly solid tree opened was something. Neither of them had seen the magic in Roman’s kingdom, after all, and while they knew this was what happened….seeing it was a much different experience.

It was kind of humorous, actually. To think that he’d be bringing other Sides into his little sanctuary.

It felt….nice.

Shut up, shut up with that romantic bullshit.

“Are you coming?” he asked, cocking his lips into a smirk as he waved them in.

Virgil snapped out of it first, surprisingly. He shook his head and nodded. “Yeah. ‘Course.” He elbowed Deceit, who jumped and nodded so vigorously his hat fell off.

The Thief caught it, hand shooting out, and blinked at himself. And then he laughed.

His demeanor had flipped almost at the exact moment they got to the tree. He wasn’t curled inwards, dancing around words and ideas. No, here he was, his laugh light, airy and carefree, something that he didn’t seem capable of prior. A few birds in the forest even chirped along. One cardinal landed on his head, whistling with him, and he didn’t seem to mind.

Virgil and Deceit shared a look, both equally blushing. This was a stark change and their glum guide was kinda cute.

The bird thing was textbook Disney prince too, like, how did he even —

“Alright,” the Thief brushed off the hat, lips quirked in a small smile, “Enough fucking around, c’mon.”

He put the hat back onto Deceit’s head, hands carding through Deceit’s hair as he did so. If the Thief noticed how much redder he got, then he didn’t let on, because he turned around as soon as the hat was on snug.

Virgil noticed, though. He pressed the butt of his palm to his mouth, stifling a laugh as the snake spluttered silently at the Thief��s back.

The Thief, still unaware — maybe unaware, maybe not? — went into the tree and climbed the stairs without waiting for them to follow. Virgil went first, then Deceit quickly, not wanting to be alone in the forest for long and not wanting to think about that incredibly gentle and not-at-all pleasing interaction.

No sir. Not pleasing. Not what he absolutely wanted for the rest of his life.

For once, he cursed the existence of gloves. How much softer would the Thief’s hands be without them?

Deceit would die before acknowledging that he absolutely definitely didn’t not have a crush.

Virgil stepped up to the top landing, beside the Thief, and looked around. It was small, but cozy. Before them was a sitting area with a thick couch, identical to the one Thomas actually had in his living room but without the bend. In front of it was a wooden coffee table, beneath was a rug with circles, almost like the rings of a tree, Virgil thought. Atop the table was a vase of red roses in full bloom.

To the right was a small kitchen alcove, separated from the sitting area with a counter peninsula that had two toasters sitting on it. Two toasters. This Roman must like his bread, apparently. Floating around between the kitchen and sitting area were some candles, all lit and casting the room in a comforting warm glow. On the left was a stairwell, wooden and spiraling up in such a way that Virgil could only see the first few steps.

Besides the stairwell was a second door. As Deceit stepped up into the room, the Thief went to the second door and opened it. As soon as the door touched the back of the hall it opened to, it disappeared, leaving an uninhibited opening down to a curving hallway that seemed to wrap around the tree’s trunk.

“Make yourselves at home,” the Thief said, waving his hand at the living room, “Do you want me to take your cloaks?”

Deceit put up his hand dismissively, turning in a circle and examining the room.

Virgil also shook his head, holding his cloak around himself more. The Thief shrugged at him, taking off his own cloak. “Suit yourself.”

As he moved to hang it up, Virgil could see that the gloves went to the middle of his forearms, and his shirt seemed to be tucked into them. No part of him was exposed other than his collar, neck, and head. Interesting?

When Virgil turned back to Deceit, to maybe, you know, indicate that this Roman was taking some pages out of his book, he found that Deceit was wandering through the kitchen. He pointed to the two toasters, made a judgemental face at Virgil, and continued opening the cabinets and drawers. Virgil slumped a little. Figures.

He sighed, walking over to the couch and flopping onto it. Oh. It even smelt like Thomas’ couch. The tension left his shoulders as he rolled onto his side, pressing his face into the cushions and taking in a deep breath. It was dizzying, how quickly this lowered his heart rate. Virgil hadn’t realized how stressed he was with the fast-paced changes of this situation.

The hardwood floor creaking indicated that Deceit had moved from the kitchen to the hallway. His footsteps echoed away down the hall.

“You want some tea?” Virgil heard the Thief ask.

He shook his head. He just wanted to lay down for now.

“Deceit? Tea?”

“I’m fine, thank you. May I go upstairs?”

“Intrusion doesn’t seem to be something you worry about, given how you went through my kitchen.”

Deceit didn’t grace that with a response, and Virgil heard his footsteps tapping up the stairs.

Silence again. He hummed into the pillow and rolled over into his own cloak. He just needed some time.

“....Do you want something to eat?” the Thief tried and, again, Virgil shook his head.

“‘M good.”

“Mhm.”

The Thief went around the kitchen calmly. Virgil could hear it. His steps were soft, though not as quiet as Deceit’s. More just….comfortable. Not as heavy as Romans typically would be, either.

Virgil sat upright slowly, still hugging one of the cushions, and looked up. The Thief’s gloves were sitting on the counter, as was the Thief himself, cradling a mug in heavily-scarred hands. Virgil actually did a small double-take upon seeing them.

The Thief raised an eyebrow, questioning.

“....Your hands’re fucked up,” Virgil stated.

He got a nod back. “Wow, I had no idea ‘bout that. Not like they’re on my body or anything.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. Roman always was a smartass. “No shit. Were….Roman’s hands aren’t like that, right?”

The Thief took a sip from the mug and did a so-so motion with his hand. “Yes and no. All my scars are definitely real. It’s not like we get out of every scrap with creatures, monsters, villains, the like without any damage. But Roman just sorta conjures flatter skin on top of it.”

Virgil frowned. There were a lot of questions he had for that, but he didn’t want to bombard him just this second. “That’s pretty weird, not gonna lie. So they normally heal into scars?” he gestured to the Thief, who nodded.

“Yeah, and it’s better to conjure up new skin than make you all worried.”

He must have recoiled, because the Thief laughed a little at him and took another sip. He wiped his mouth with the butt of his palm, shaking his head and speaking into his hand. “C’mon, you can’t tell me Patt wouldn’t flip if he saw this shit.”

Patton….very much would. All of them would, if Roman ever came in with that many scars. He was scared of what they’d say.

Virgil was getting a clearer image of the Thief’s intentions every minute. Still, for now, he just shrugged and conceded. “You’re right, I guess.”

The Thief nodded, opening his mouth to continue, but Deceit’s footsteps hopping down the stairs interrupted him. The snake in question popped out around the spiral staircase’s bend, and Virgil saw that he’d removed his hat and cloak somewhere. He had a hand raised, too, to get their attention.

“Thief, question. Well. First, the top floor is beautiful — marvelous work,” the Thief raised his glass, but otherwise didn’t react. Must not be so susceptible to flattery, Deceit noted. “I saw a city. A modern looking one, behind the mountains.”

“Oh, yeah.”

The Thief took another sip of his drink and motioned for Deceit to sit by pulling out a stool from beneath the counter, with his leg. “That’s just another setting. We don’t always adhere to a medieval theme in here, but right now we’ve kinda fallen back on the Disney royalty theme because it’s something we’re familiar with. That, and we can all agree it’s marvelous.”

“I see,” Deceit sat beside Virgil, crossing his legs on the cushion. “So you’re never going to change the setting, though?”

Deceit thought it was a fair question, but the Thief let out a short laugh. “Are you kidding? We’d have to flip everything around! God, we’d need new names, too, and new hiding places. It’s all too much work.”

He took another sip, then set his mug down. Deceit then noticed his hands, brow furrowing. He opened his mouth to bring it up, but Virgil elbowed him in the side and waved his hand.

He’d explain later. Best not interrupt, because the Thief rubbed his mouth and continued. “I don’t even think we can. It’d need to be a unanimous decision, like a coherent thought, and we’re not really capable of that right now.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Virgil asked.

The Thief looked at them both. He seemed to be debating something.

This Roman took his time with his words. That must mean he had a lot to hide, Deceit thought, or he didn’t want to expose certain ideas.

“For one. Dragon would kill us.”

Ah. “Dragon?” Deceit asked, “Care to elaborate?”

The Thief looked at his knees, then hopped off of the counter. “I’m going to make dinner,” he said, voice a little more airy, clearly trying to deflect from this conversation, “Spaghetti okay?”

“Tell us about Dragon,” Virgil pressed harder.

The Thief shot him a squinted look and relented as he set up the pot of water. “He’s another one of us, another Roman,” his voice held so much disdain. “He’s dramatic, loud, all that good stuff, but the biggest thing about him is that he really likes being right.”

“You don’t like him,” Deceit stated.

“Can’t say I’m a fan.”

He opened a cupboard and took out a box of pasta. He cleared his throat, glancing up at the two expectant faces before relenting again.

“He’s a bit of a sadist. Like….he moved into the castle. He controls the guards. They all listen to ‘Roman,’” here, the Thief did air quotations, “But they aren’t sentient enough to notice that there are seven of us now, so they listen to the guy who took charge. Dragon.”

A villain part of Roman, apparently. One who would attack the others, if the way they found the Thief being chased by guards was any indication. Virgil stood up, going into the kitchen. “Where’re the plates?” he asked quietly, “‘M gonna set the table.”

The Thief nodded to one of the cabinets and Virgil opened it, taking out some plates. He set them down on the counter only for them to be picked up by Deceit and dispersed around the peninsula, where the three counter stools were.

“Dragon,” Deceit reminded, and the Thief sighed.

“Before you guys showed up, he caught another one of us. Another Roman. And, God….” his voice trailed off.

The pot was boiling. The Thief put the noodles in, taking a wooden spoon and easing them into the water. He seemed to roll something around in his head, lolling back and forth, before grimacing and continuing. “He….he did a lot of bad things to Damsel, the other Roman. Beat him publicly, in the village’s central square so all the characters got to see. So that we could all see. It was horrifying.”

A chill swept through the glassless windows of the tree.

“That’s….” Virgil and Deceit spoke at the same time.

“Dark.”

“Awful.”

They shared a look before turning back to Thief, who was churning the noodles, eyes glued to the rising steam and boiling water. It was surprising that the steam didn’t put out any of the candles, actually.

He looked forlorn, lost and defeated. “It was like a warning, to the rest of us. Don’t get caught, or else.”

Deceit picking up the conversation. “I didn’t realize there was a part of Roman willing to do….that. And for what?”

“For approval. And what can I say? He lives for validation, would kill for it, too. We all know you’re in here, so he’s definitely hunting you guys, maybe to gloat and probably hoping you all will tell him he did good,” the way Thief said it sounded almost too nonchalant, like it were forceful.

He turned off the stove top’s heat — hang on, Deceit thought, a stove?! Well, fuck the theme-ing then. This was a neverending hell of inconsistencies — and pulled a strainer out from another cabinet. Slowly, the Thief strained out the water, talking all the while.

“He probably wants to….” his eyes flicked up at them, quick as a flash, and he let out a small exhale. “I dunno. He’s a bit of a dice roll. One second, he’s talking about how much he wants all of you to love him, brushing his hair in the mirror and painting his nails, just being harmless, and the other second he’s talkin’ about how much he wants to dismember you and throw your bodies into locked boxes in the river.”

Virgil and Deceit exchanged a look, one worried and one determined. They were safe, knew how to defend themselves, and had the means with which to defend themselves, but….

Virgil’s brow furrowed. Logan and Patton were out there somewhere. And there was a bit of Roman that seemed happy to kill literally anything.

He looked up at Deceit, who was watching him with squinted eyes. Logan and Patton must be fine. They must be.

What if they weren’t? Virgil squinted right back at him. They could be hurt.

No, they were fine.

The Thief cleared his throat, cutting through the tension like a knife and drawing both of their attentions back to him. He was heating up some sauce now, mixing in some herbs with what looked like a tomato-paste base, eyes shifting between Virgil and Deceit.

The staredown lasted for a minute or two before he relented, exhaling and hitting his spoon on the side of the pan.

“Let’s….pause, for a hot sec. Dinner’s almost done and, after that, you both should sleep,” his voice carried like a whisper around the small kitchen.

Neither of them responded, and the Thief just kept cooking. He slowly poured the noodles into the sauce, mixing up a little before gesturing to the pasta.

He couldn’t honestly expect them to just drop the conversation like that. Could he?

“We are going to have to confront Dragon,” Deceit raised an eyebrow at him, “You know that, right?”

The Thief shrugged. He picked up a plate, took out a pair of tongs, and began putting pasta on the plate. “Probably. I can’t help you there, though. I’ve just been setting off all the booby traps in the castle, so he gets stuck in them. And stealing his jewelry. He’s got a hoard of it.”

Like a dragon, Virgil thought. And with scales, probably, and claws. And wings. Maybe he breathed fire.

He was frightened to all heck, but if they wanted Roman back, they’d have to….what. Talk with him? Probably talk with him.

He looked at Deceit, who was looking at the pasta, and then he heard his own stomach growl. The Thief had sat down at one of the peninsula stools, pointedly ignoring them for his noodles.

Then, he giggled. The Thief covered his mouth with a hand, but they both could see that a broad smile was behind it.

“What?” Deceit asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The Child just said the Social Nerd-work’s name. That means Dad-ton Abbey and him’re safe at the Artist’s house,” he explained, waving a hand and swirling his pasta on a fork, “Wow.”

Wow indeed. A little bit of the tension in Virgil’s shoulders released. Patton and Logan were safe, fine, hidden away with another less-murderous Roman. That was some good news.

….Well. Virgil sighed, more at ease now, and relented to the pasta. As he sat at the counter, Deceit went to make himself a plate.

They ate in nearly absolute silence, none of them wanting to mention the lack of a plan and the looming fear of this villainous Roman who apparently wanted to kill them all.

Deceit finished first, and he ran his hand through his hair, smoothing it back. “We’re sleeping here, correct? I also don’t suppose you have a shower or something?”

Thief pointed down a hall. “We might have an aesthetic going, but I’d die without a whole bathroom set up. Down and to the left, there’re towels in the side closet,” he took a final bite and set his fork down, standing up

“Thank you,” Deceit said, shooting Virgil a small look as he ducked toward the bathroom.

Deceit probably wanted him to ask more about the situation. Virgil tiredly continued to eat, but the pit that was opening his stomach was taking up more room than the pasta could fill. It was clear that the Thief — both of the Romans they’d interacted with, but right now, the Thief — trusted Virgil a lot more than Deceit. At least it showed a certain awareness on Roman’s part of Deceit’s trickery?

And it wasn’t like Virgil could help how upset he was by all this. It was a stressful situation and had a stressfully silent week before it.

“I also,” Virgil looked back up at the Thief, who gestured to Virgil’s plate, “Forgot to thank you all. For coming after us. Honestly didn’t expect it.”

Virgil nodded and carefully stood up from his stool. The Thief smiled and took the plate, but his brows were pinched. He wanted an explanation, didn’t he? It felt like a weird thing to need to explain. It was obvious. Wasn’t it?

“We were worried,” it sounded lame aloud, but the Thief just nodded in response.

“Thanks,” he put the plates into the sink and pointed down the hall, too. “You should go check out a room, too. Maybe change into some pajamas or something more comfortable? There’re, uh, pajamas. I’m just going to do the dishes then head to bed myself.”

Again, Virgil nodded. He was at a loss for words, honestly, and that was all a lot of information to process.

Take one thing at a time, though. That was what the Thief was suggesting, wasn’t it? “Sure thing,” he said, dashing away immediately.

The hall was dark, long, and curved. There were candles floating along the walls, same as out in the living area, and there were doors on either side. One already had Deceit’s double-snake-head logo shining yellow. Besides that door was another, unmarked door, but Virgil could hear a shower coming from inside.

He needed to get a room, first. Across from the bathroom was another unmarked door, probably a bedroom, and Virgil ducked into it, closing the door quickly.

He immediately threw himself onto the bed and rubbed his face. That probably smudged his eyeliner. It was already smudged.

No, no, he didn’t have the time to care about that. Virgil sat upright and looked around. There was a small open-fronted wardrobe pressed against the wall, with some pairs of pants and some shirts hanging on the wall. Surprisingly, they all looked to be various combinations of purple, black, and grey. He stood up, against his desire to curl into a ball and sleep on that bed for all eternity, and checked out the clothing. Yep, everything was about his aesthetic, and some even had his logo on them. Neat.

There was the bed and there was a mirror on top of the wardrobe. Around the room were some floating candles, but none were lit, and there was a light switch by the door. Virgil squinted. How the fuck did that work?

He flicked the switch and they all turned on, lit by flames. Alright. That was cool.

Virgil had to talk to the Thief. He couldn’t dance around it.

Or he could stay in here and admire how the wardrobe auto-filled with clothes that fit his style. Or he could admire the cool candle lights. Those would look sick in his room, actually. He should talk to the Thief about that, instead of literally anything else he actually had to talk to him about.

He just wanted Roman back, goddamnit. He wanted the Roman who would do outrageous things just to see Virgil smile. The one who would put on Black Cauldron for the millionth time, without complaint, when Virgil was having a bad day. He wanted the Roman who worked to improve himself and worked to include him, and didn’t shy away, and didn’t want to hide, and didn’t make him feel like he himself had overlooked something so disastrous as a crumbling self-image and gnawing concern that no one loved him.

The guilt weighed heavy in his stomach. Yeah, guilt. Virgil had felt Roman’s anxieties growing, but did he bring it up? Well, okay, he did. But every time that he did, Roman had deflected it with a witty quip or incredibly stupid comment or even that dumb, dashing smile. And then Roman would catch that he was nervous about something. He would never guess that it was himself.

Virgil could almost imagine what he’d do. Roman would take him by the hand into his room, always with the lights dimmer, more simplistic than was usual. He’d sit him in his squishy armchair, stand behind him, rub his shoulders and let him just vent.

Or maybe Roman would lead him down into the kitchen, sing a merry tune and make Virgil some peppermint tea. Swirl around in the kitchen, making jokes or telling stories, on those days where Virgil didn’t want to talk.

Ever since they’d shifted to accepting him, Roman had done his best. Extra, frivolous, occasionally over-the-top, but his fucking best. Virgil owed his best right back.

Virgil had to get him back. He had to face the music.Virgil’s fists balled at his sides as he whispered to himself, “Fuck it,” and threw open his door.

He hurried out of the hall and stopped in the entryway into the living area. The Thief was cradling another mug, sitting on a stool and staring at the flower vase sitting on the coffee table.

“Hey, Roman,” the Thief jumped and some liquid splashed out of his mug. Virgil winced. “Sorry, Thief?”

Virgil felt a little more guilty as the Thief sighed, rolling his shoulders and casting him a raised eyebrow. “Yeah, Virgil? You need anything?”

“Not really,” Virgil leaned on the wall as the Thief pulled out a roll of paper towels and tore some off. “I just wanted to say thanks. For keeping us safe. I don’t know what we would have done if you didn’t let us sleep over.”

The Thief pressed the towels to the spilt tea and matched eyes with Virgil. He gave him a reassuring albeit crooked smile, hair falling out of whatever order it’d been. It fluffed up around his face and, almost, looked like a crown. One of his hands reached up and ran through his hair, pushing it back into the messy but suave side-part Roman always had.

Hey, stop staring. Virgil blinked slowly and focused on the Thief’s words. “....probably safest place in the setting.”

He nodded, then shifted his weight, putting his hands in his pockets. Here goes. “Also, I don’t really understand why you want to be alone so badly. Like, I do, I get that feeling too sometimes, but….”

The Thief sighed, frustration laced through his breath, and Virgil added. “You know we’d miss you, Roman.”

That got him to falter. He stared at the countertop, then lifted the flower vase and cleaned beneath that. “I can’t say I wouldn’t miss you all, too,” he said. “I wish I wouldn’t. That’s more what I want. When we are all together, the best moments are so good. Nothing brings us more joy than seeing you smile and laugh at memes with us, or hearing Logan’s gasp when he reads something enticing, or watching Patton fuss around the kitchen. Heck, even Deceit’s dumb smirk makes us happy.”

Virgil could hear the “but” hanging in the air, especially once the Thief scrubbed the counter with extra vigor.

“But the lows. We can’t always handle the criticism, the shouting, the arguing and belittling. Being told we’re not enough,” he sighed, then added in a much softer voice. “That I’m not enough.”

He tossed the paper towels away into the trash bin, beneath the sink, and leaned his back on the sink’s edge. “Sometimes, I can’t help but wish I wanted to be alone. And if we self-impose that loneliness, then it might make it easier. To be alone.”

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, watching. He’d known that they were less than supportive, on the best of days, but that was their job. Especially Virgil’s. He was the guy who was supposed to spot possible problems, things that the audience might not like, things that might endanger Thomas. He’d thought that Roman understood that he was doing it out of….

Alright, there was the L word again.

His internal monologue was interrupted when the Thief stood up straight and faced Virgil determinedly, wearing a tired smile.

“If you can convince the others, then I’ll come quiet. I just think that being alone’s….easier to handle,” he laughed a little to himself, a quiet chuckle that Virgil thought sounded hollow. “Besides, if Roman isolates himself, then it doesn’t matter if….”

His smile faltered a little, eyes seeming to watch something distantly away from Virgil. As quick as the expression came, though, it went as he looked back down at the counter. He reached up and ran his hands through his hair, settling it back.

There must be something Virgil should do or say. There must be, because sitting in silence like this — god, the Thief was gonna start crying, wasn’t he?

What wouldn’t matter? The question burned in his mind.

“....Haven’t I been through enough heartbreaks?”

The Thief’s question was so quiet, so desperate, that Virgil thought he just imagined it until a floorboard creak behind him indicated that someone had approached. He glanced back to see Deceit, hair still damp, clothed in a simple cream shirt and dark brown trousers. Pajamas, clearly, maybe taken from the room. Deceit nodded to the Thief, who was hunching over the counter, eyes stuck on the counter.

Virgil pursed his lips and made a so-so hand motion. He didn’t know exactly what was motivating the Thief, but they were getting inklings. Deceit nodded again in response and stood behind Virgil.

Who turned back to the Thief, still staring at the table. “We need you,” was how Virgil started, trying to piece together the best way to phrase what he wanted to say.

The Thief looked up at him and Virgil saw some wetness glittering in his dark brown eyes. They locked with his, not necessarily a glare nor anything aggressive. You could have convinced Virgil that the Thief was pleading. But for what, he couldn’t tell.

And then he smiled. He smiled and shook his head, looking away again.

“I…” He covered his mouth with a hand and reconsidered, shaking his head, “Nah, it’s dumb.”

“You’re not dumb, Thief.”

Virgil pushed off of the doorway to stand besides the Thief as he sank into one of the counter stools. Gently, like Roman had done for him many times, he put his hands on the Thief’s shoulders. “Can I?” he asked, voice quiet.

The Thief nodded, hand holding his mouth tight. His other hand, resting on the table and not gripping anything, had a slight tremor. Deceit stepped into the dining area, lips pinched in worry. He certainly wasn’t the one silencing the Thief, if it was anyone at all.

Virgil began rubbing the Thief’s shoulders, leaning closer and watching as his shoulders hiked up a little more. He was so tense, stiff as a rock.

“Listen. Thief,” Virgil glanced at Deceit, who was shifting his weight lamely, and nodded toward the mugs.

Deceit seemed to get the idea, because he nodded and got to work immediately. The Thief’s hand slid upward, covering his eyes now, and he shuddered as Virgil put more pressure on his shoulders. “Is this okay?” Virgil asked again, quietly, and the Thief nodded.

“Thanks,” his voice was so quiet that Virgil could barely hear him.

“You know,” Virgil hummed, quiet but determined. “I tried the whole lone-wolf thing. Thought it’d be good to keep myself separate ‘cause it would protect you all. Thought that was for the best. None of you seemed to want me back then, either.”

The Thief whined, and Virgil let up. But as his shoulders stiffened again, Virgil felt his anxiety mount. “No–uh, sorry, no that just–that was a good spot,” the Thief tried to explain, face turning redder under his hand.

Deceit snorted behind him, and Virgil kicked his heel out, managing to hit him square in the shin. He let out a chuckle when Deceit hissed in pain.

“I’m sorry. That we made you feel like that,” both of the other Sides looked at the Thief, whose hands were now both on the counter.

Virgil’s were still resting on his shoulders, so he exhaled and pressed down again. “We-We shouldn’t have—” the Thief tried to continue, but Virgil cut him off.

“Not saying you shouldn’t have, but you’ve been apologizing for it. You….all accept me, now. I’m working on getting used to that, you all work on making me feel included, and we work together. Maybe there’re highs, maybe there’re lows. That’s how everything goes, but we always get through it when we work as a team. ‘Cause teamwork makes the dream work, right?” Virgil smiled when the Thief snorted, “And we can’t make the team work without the dream.”

The Thief sat up a little more. Virgil didn’t want to pressure him or anything, so he rubbed a particularly tight knot near the base of his neck before letting go. It seemed that the Thief came to some understanding, though.

“Hot chocolate’s done,” Deceit said.

He leaned down beside Virgil and set a full mug down on the counter in front of the Thief. He then nudged Virgil’s hip with his own, holding out a mug for him but eyes not meeting Virgil’s.

That was the first bad sign. Virgil pressed his mouth into a line. Before he could make a move, though, Deceit picked up his own mug and stepped away. “I’m going to sleep,” he announced, “I can only assume tomorrow will be just as taxing as today was. Goodnight Roman. Virgil.”

Deceit’s eyes were still cast lower as he nodded once toward the Thief and once toward Virgil, and he stared at the floor as he hurried to the hallway. He disappeared down the hall, into the darkness, and they both heard his door close sharply.

Damn. So much for that truce.

Yeah, sure, Virgil wasn’t fond of Deceit. Much.

He used to be. They used to be thick as thieves — Patton would be proud of that pun, Virgil thought — and while time and responsibilities have wore down that relationship….Deceit was still important to him. Yeah, he was a bad influence, but, like….

Whatever. He didn’t care. He didn’t.

The Thief leaned back a little, head resting on Virgil’s shoulder. “You should sleep, too, Paramoody.”

His head tilted back and he smiled up at Virgil, who squinted at him. “If you fall backwards on that stool, I’m gonna laugh.”

“In fact, I’m the owner of Roman’s single braincell,” the Thief’s smile softened, “Thanks for earlier. I’ll think about that.”

His eyes were so soft. Had Roman always had that little beauty mark? Virgil really only noticed it now, with his face so close and with that weird scar pointing at it.

Not that he endorsed Roman being damaged in any physical way, but the scar was also. Pretty hot.

The Thief chuckled quietly, one hand reaching up to patt Virgil’s cheek.

His hands were a little cold, but they were soft, despite the scars. Virgil could feel him shudder a tiny bit as the Thief gently ran his thumb along his cheekbone.

Virgil felt….comfortable.

Why didn’t he want this, again? The Thief watched Virgil watching him, and saw him slowly lean his head into his hand. He must be tired, that was why Virgil was so open with him. There couldn’t have been another reason.

Still.

“Alright, you actually need to sleep, ‘cause your eyeshadow’s all over your face,” the Thief pulled his hand away and sat upright again.

As he slid off the stool, saying something about sleep and grabbing his hand, Virgil tuned him out, letting himself be pulled around.

What the hell was THAT moment? This was the absolute worst time to be reminded that he was a disaster, and the Thief must be so creeped out by how he was just staring at his goddamn face.

“And my room’s upstairs. If you go up the stairs, take a left, you’ll find me, okay?” Virgil blinked, looking up.

They were at the entrance to the hallway now. The Thief smiled kindly at him, though his brow was pinched in worry. “Have a good night, Virgil,” he whispered, hand still holding Virgil’s.

Virgil nodded, not trusting what he’d say if he opened his mouth, and met him with a small smile.

He wished had retained more of the romantic parts of Roman. Then, maybe, he’d be able to find the right words to describe how willing he was to throw this whole challenge away just to see that smile for the rest of eternity.

The Thief leaned in and pecked Virgil’s cheek. Then, he darted away, waist sash trailing up after him as he escaped up the stairs.

Virgil stared into nothing, eyes stuck to the empty staircase. Slowly, his hand lifted to his cheek, fingers grazing where the Thief’s — Roman’s — lips had been.

What the fuck.

Don’t even consider it.

He found himself walking back to the room he’d chosen — it was easy to find, his storm cloud logo was glowing a soft purple on the door — and collapsed onto the bed.

Virgil was absolutely sore from how fast his thoughts had been running today. It felt like years ago that he’d found Deceit in the hall and slammed him into the wall.

Oof. Maybe he wouldn’t sleep tonight, now that he’d remembered that. Virgil groaned into his pillow, crossing his arms over his head and pressing into it as his breathing’s erraticness increased

Deceit had been truly upset. Frustrated, angry, yeah, sure, that was the point — Virgil hadn’t expected that flash of betrayal. He couldn’t get that stupid snakey hurt expression out of his goddamn head. Plus it was just poor instincts to immediately strangle someone. And the way Deceit had slunk out of the kitchen just now, not daring to look at either of their faces.

He screamed into the pillow, pressing down into it even more. Calm down. He had to calm down.

What, why calm down now? You’d been holding this panic attack in all day, Virgil.

The pillow grew damp beneath his face; he hadn’t noticed that he was crying a little.

Virgil flipped over, now pressing the back of his head into the pillow, and wrapped his arms around his head, wiping at his eyes with his hand. He began tapping his left hand on the back of his arm, counting quietly as he inhaled, held, and exhaled.

It helped that it wasn’t completely silent. Virgil’s room had a window, a circle in above the bed. A gentle breeze wafted in, as did the sound of the trees rustling, frogs croaking, and bugs buzzing — a solid background noise to focus on, rather than the day’s events. Virgil mentally counted the frogs’ croaks as he felt his chest loosen. Maybe it was a product of being in the Imagination and, by extension, Roman’s room, but he got a grip of himself faster than usual.

As he calmed down, though, he also regained the feelings of absolute exhaustion. Calm quickly turned to drowsiness, and Virgil was asleep within seconds.

[grigori77]

2019 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 2)

20.  FROZEN 2 – so, another year, then, and once again Disney doesn’t QUITE manage to net the animated feature top spot on my list, but it’s not for lack of trying – this long-awaited sequel to the studio’s runaway hit musical fantasy adventure is just what we’ve come to love from the House of Mouse, but more importantly it’s a most worthy sequel, easily on a par with the much beloved origin.  Not much of a surprise given the welcome return of all the key people, from directors Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee (who also once again wrote the screenplay) to composer Christophe Beck and songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, as well as all the key players in the cast.  It’s business as usual in the kingdom of Arendelle, where all is seemingly peaceful and tranquil, but Queen Elsa (Idina Menzel) is restless, haunted by a distant voice that only she can hear, calling to her from a mysterious past she just can’t place … and then she accidentally awakens the four elemental spirits, sending her homeland into mystical turmoil, prompting her to embark on a desperate search for answers with her sister Princess Anna (Kristen Bell), ice harvester Kristoff (Jonathan Groff), his faithful reindeer companion Sven, and, of course, living snowman Olaf (Josh Gad). Their quest leads them into the Enchanted Forest of Northuldra, a neighbouring kingdom, ruled by simple, elemental magic, that has remained cut off from Arendelle for decades, where they discover dark, hidden truths about their own family’s past and must make peace with the spirits if they’re to save their home and their people.  So, typical Disney family fantasy fare, then, right? Well, Frozen 2 certainly dots all the Is and crosses all the Ts, but, like the original, this is no jaded blockbuster money spinner, packed with the same kind of resonant power, skilful inventiveness and pure, show-stopping WOW-factor as its predecessor, but more importantly this is a sequel that effectively carves out a fresh identity for itself, brilliantly taking the world and characters in interesting new directions to create something fresh, rewarding and worthwhile on its own merit.  The returning cast are all as strong as ever, Menzel and Bell in particular ably powering the story, while it’s nice to see both Groff and Gad getting something new to do with their own characters too, even nabbing their own major musical numbers; there’s also a welcome slew of fresh new faces to this world, particular Sterling K. Brown (This is Us, Black Panther, The Predator) as lost Anrendelle soldier Mattias and former Brat Pack star Martha Plimpton as Yelena, leader of the lost tribe of Northuldra. Once again this is Disney escapism at its very best, a heart-warming, soul-nourishing powerhouse of winning humour, emotional power and child-like wonder, but like the first film the biggest selling point is, of course, that KILLER soundtrack, with every song here a total hit, not one dud among them, and there are even ear-worms here to put Let It Go to shame – Into the Unknown was touted as the major hit, and it is impressive, but I was particularly affected by Groff’s unashamedly full-bore rendition of Lost in the Woods, a bona fide classic rock power ballad crafted in the fashion of REO Speedwagon, while the undeniable highlight for me is the unstoppable Show Yourself, with Menzel once again proving that her incredible voice is a natural force all in itself.  Altogether, then, this is an absolute feast for the eyes, the ears AND the soul, every inch the winner that its predecessor was and also EASILY one of Disney’s premier animated features for the decade.  So it’s quite the runner-up, then …

19.  ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD – since his explosion onto the scene twenty-seven years ago with his runaway smash debut Reservoir Dogs, Quentin Tarantino has become one of the most important filmmakers of his generation, a true master of the cinematic art form who consistently delivers moving picture masterpieces that thrill, entertain, challenge and amuse audiences worldwide … at least those who can stomach his love of unswerving violence, naughty talk and morally bankrupt antiheroes and despicably brutal villains who are often little more than a shade different from one another.  Time has moved on, though, and while he’s undoubtedly been one of the biggest influences on the way cinema has changed over the past quarter century, there are times now that it’s starting to feel like the scene is moving on in favour of younger, fresher blood with their own ideas.   I think Tarantino can sense this himself, because he recently made a powerful statement – after he’s made his tenth film, he plans to retire.  Given that OUATIH is his NINTH film, that deadline is already looming, and we unashamed FANS of his films are understandably aghast over this turn of events.  Thankfully he remains as uncompromisingly awesome a writer-director as ever, delivering another gold standard five-star flick which is also most definitely his most PERSONAL work to date, quite simply down to the fact that it’s a film ABOUT film.  Sure, it has a plot (of sorts, anyway), revolving around the slow decline of the career of former TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo Dicaprio), who languishes in increasing anonymity in Hollywood circa 1969 as his former western hero image is being slowly eroded by an increasingly hacky workload guest-starring on various syndicated shows as a succession of punching-bag heavies for the hero to wale on, while his only real friend is his one-time stunt double, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), a former WW2 hero with a decidedly tarnished reputation of his own; meanwhile new neighbours have moved in next door to further distract him – hot-as-shit young director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha), riding high on the success of Rosemary’s Baby, and his new wife Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie).  Certainly this all drives the film, along with real-life events involving one of the darkest crimes in modern American history, but a lot of the time the plot is largely coincidental – Quentin uses it as a springboard to wax lyrical about his very favourite subject and pay loving (if sometimes irreverently satirical) tribute to the very business he’s been indulging in with such great success since 1992.  Sure, it’s also about “Helter Skelter” and the long shadow cast by Charles Manson and his band of murderous misfits, but this is largely incidental, as we’re treated to long, entertaining interludes as we follow Rick on a shoot as the bad guy in the pilot for the Lancer TV series, visit the notorious Spahn Ranch with Cliff as he’s unwittingly drawn into the lion’s den of the deadly Manson Family, join Robbie’s Tate as she watches “herself” in The Wrecking Crew, and enjoy a brilliant montage in which we follow Rick’s adventures in Spaghetti westerns (and Eurospy cinema) after he’s offered a chance to change his flagging fortunes, before the film finally builds to a seemingly inevitable, fateful conclusion that Tarantino then, in sneakily OTT Inglourious Basterds style, mischievously turns on its head with a devilish game of “What If”.  The results are a thoroughly engrossing and endlessly entertaining romp through the seedier side of Hollywood and a brilliant warts-and-all examination of the craft’s inner workings that, interestingly, reveals as much about the Business today as it does about how it was way back in the Golden Age the film portrays, all while delivering bucket-loads of QT’s trademark cool, swagger, idiosyncratic genius and to-die-for dialogue and character-work, and, of course, a typically exceptional all-star cast firing on all cylinders. Dicaprio and Pitt are both spectacular (Brad is endearingly taciturn, playing it wonderfully close to the vest throughout, while Leo is simply ON FIRE, delivering a mercurial performance EASILY on a par with his work on Shutter Island and The Wolf of Wall Street – could this be good enough to snag him a second Oscar?), while Robbie consistently endears us to Tate as she EFFORTLESSLY brings the fallen star back to life, and there’s an incredible string of amazing supporting turns from established talent and up-and-comers alike, from Kurt Russell, Al Pacino and a very spiky Bruce Dern to Mike Moh (in a FLAWLESS take on Bruce Lee), Margaret Qualley, Austin Butler and in particular Julia Butters as precocious child star Trudi Fraser.  Packed with winning references, homages, pastiches and ingenious little in-jokes, handled with UTMOST respect for the true life subjects at all times and shot all the way through with his characteristic flair and quirky, deliciously dark sense of humour, this is cinema very much of the Old School, and EVERY INCH a Tarantino flick.  With only one more film to go the implied end of his career seems much too close, but if he delivers one more like this he’ll leave behind a legacy that ANY filmmaker would be proud of.

18.  CRAWL – summer 2019’s runner-up horror offering marks a rousing return to form for a genre talent who’s FINALLY delivered on the impressive promise of his early work – Alexandre Aja made a startling debut with Switchblade Romance, which led to his big break helming the cracking remake of slasher stalwart The Hills Have Eyes, but then he went SPECTACULARLY off the rails when he made the truly abysmal Piranha 3D, which I wholeheartedly regard as one of THE VERY WORST FILMS EVER MADE IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY. He took a big step back in the right direction with the admittedly flawed but ultimately enjoyable and evocative Horns (based on the novel by Stephen King’s son Joe Hill), but it’s with this stripped back, super-tight man-against-nature survival horror that the Aja of old has TRULY returned to us. IN SPADES.  Seriously, I personally think this is his best film to date – there’s no fat on it at all, going from a simple set-up STRAIGHT into a precision-crafted exercise in sustained tension that relentlessly grips right up to the end credits.  The film is largely just a two-hander – Maze Runner star Kaya Scodelario plays Haley Keller, a Florida college student and star swimmer who ventures into the heart of a Category 5 hurricane to make sure her estranged father, Dave (Saving Private Ryan’s Barry Pepper), is okay after he drops off the grid. Finding their old family home in a state of disrepair and slowly flooding, she does a last minute check of the crawl-space underneath, only to discover her father badly wounded and a couple of hungry alligators stalking the dark, cramped, claustrophobic confines. With the flood waters rising and communications cut off, Haley and Dave must use every reserve of strength, ingenuity and survival instinct to keep each other alive in the face of increasingly daunting odds … even with a premise this simple, there was plenty of potential for this to become an overblown, clunky mess in the wrong hands (a la Snakes On a Plane), so it’s a genuinely great thing that Aja really is back at the height of his powers, milking every fraught and suspenseful set-piece to its last drop of exquisite piano-wire tension and putting his actors through hell without a reprieve in sight.  Thankfully it’s not JUST about scares and atmosphere – there’s a genuinely strong family drama at the heart of the story that helps us invest in these two, Scodelario delivering a phenomenally complex performance as she peels back Haley’s layers, from stubborn pedant, through vulnerable child of divorce, to ironclad born survivor, while reconnecting with her emotionally raw, repentantly open father, played with genuine naked intensity in a career best turn from Pepper. Their chemistry is INCREDIBLY strong, making every scene a joy even as it works your nerves and tugs on your heartstrings, and as a result you DESPERATELY want to see them make it out in one piece.  Not that Aja makes it easy for them – the gators are an impressively palpable threat, proper scary beasties even if they are largely (admittedly impressively executed) digital effects, while the storm is almost a third character in itself, becoming as much of an elemental nemesis as its scaly co-stars.  Blessedly brief (just 87 minutes!) and with every second wrung out for maximum impact, this is survival horror at its most brutally, simplistically effective, a deliciously vicious, primal chill-ride that thoroughly rewards from start to finish.  Welcome back, Mr Aja.  We’ve missed you.

17.  SHAZAM! – there were actually THREE movies featuring Captain Marvel out in 2019, but this offering from the hit-and-miss DCEU cinematic franchise is a very different beast from his MCU-based namesake, and besides, THIS Cap long ago ditched said monicker for the far more catchy (albeit rather more oddball) title that graces Warner Bros’ last step back on the right track for their superhero Universe following the equally enjoyable Aquaman and franchise high-point Wonder Woman.  Although he’s never actually referred to in the film by this name, Shazam (Chuck’s Eugene Levy) is the magically-powered alternate persona bestowed upon wayward fifteen year-old foster kid Billy Batson (Andi Mack’s Asher Angel) by an ancient wizard (Djimon Hounsou) seeking one pure soul to battle Dr. Thaddeus Sivana (Mark Strong), a morally corrupt physicist who turns into a monstrous supervillain after becoming the vessel for the spiritual essences of the Seven Deadly Sins (yup, that thoroughly batshit setup is just the tip of the iceberg of bonkersness on offer in this movie).  Yes, this IS set in the DC Extended Universe, Shazam sharing his world with Superman, Batman, the Flash et al, and there are numerous references (both overt and sly) to this fact throughout (especially in the cheeky animated closing title sequence), but it’s never laboured, and the film largely exists in its own comfortably enclosed narrative bubble, allowing us to focus on Billy, his alter ego and in particular his clunky (but oh so much fun) bonding experiences with his new foster family, headed by former foster kid couple Victor and Rosa Vazquez (The Walking Dead’s Cooper Andrews and Marta Milans) – the most enjoyably portions of the film, however, are when Billy explores the mechanics and limits of his newfound superpowers with his new foster brother Freddy Freeman (It Chapter 1’s Jack Dylan Glazer), a consistently hilarious riot of bad behaviour, wanton (often accidental) destruction and perfectly-observed character development, the blissful culmination of a gleefully anarchic sense of humour that, until recently, has been rather lacking in the DCEU but which is writ large in bright, wacky primary colours right through this film. Sure, there are darker moments, particularly when Sivana sets loose his fantastic icky brood of semi-corporeal monsters, and these scenes are handled with seasoned skill by director David F. Sandberg, who cut his teeth on ingenious little horror gem Lights Out (following up with Annabelle: Creation, but we don’t have to dwell on that), but for the most part the film is played for laughs, thrills and pure, unadulterated FUN, almost never taking itself too seriously, essentially intended to do for the DCEU what Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man did for the MCU, and a huge part of its resounding success must of course be attributed to the universally willing cast. Eugene Levy’s so ridiculously pumped-up he almost looks like a special effect all on his own, but he’s lost none of his razor-sharp comic ability, perfectly encapsulating a teenage boy in a grown man’s body, while his chemistry with genuine little comedic dynamo Glazer is simply exquisite, a flawless balance shared with Angel, who similarly excels at the humour but also delivers quality goods in some far more serious moments too, while the rest of Billy’s newfound family are all brilliant, particularly ridiculously adorable newcomer Faithe Herman as precocious little motor-mouth Darla; Djimon Hounsou, meanwhile, adds significant class and gravitas to what could have been a cartoonish Gandalf spoof, and Mark Strong, as usual, gives great bad guy as Sivana, providing just the right amount of malevolent swagger and self-important smirk to proceedings without ever losing sight of the deeper darkness within.  All round, this is EXACTLY the kind of expertly crafted superhero package we’ve come to appreciate in the genre, another definite shot in the arm for the DCEU that holds great hope for the future of the franchise, and some of the biggest fun I had at the cinema this past year.  Granted, it’s still not a patch on the MCU, but the quality gap finally seems to be closing …

16.  ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL – y’know, there was a time when James Cameron was quite a prolific director, who could be counted upon to provide THE big event pic of the blockbuster season. These days, we’re lucky to hear from him once a decade, and now we don’t even seem to be getting that – the dream project Cameron’s been trying to make since the end of the 90s, a big live action adaptation of one of my favourite mangas of all time, Gunnm (or Battle Angel Alita to use its more well-known sobriquet) by Yukito Kishiro, has FINALLY arrived, but it isn’t the big man behind the camera here since he’s still messing around with his intended FIVE MOVIE Avatar arc.  That said, he made a damn good choice of proxy to bring his vision to fruition – Robert Rodriguez is, of course, a fellow master of action cinema, albeit one with a much more quirky style, and this adap is child’s play to him, the creator of the El Mariachi trilogy and co-director of Frank Miller’s Sin City effortlessly capturing the dark, edgy life-and-death danger and brutal wonder of Kishiro’s world in moving pictures.  300 years after the Earth was decimated in a massive war with URM (the United Republics of Mars) known as “the Fall”, only one bastion of civilization remains – Iron City, a sprawling, makeshift community of scavengers that lies in the shadow of the floating city of Zalem, home of Earth’s remaining aristocracy.  Dr. Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz) runs a clinic in Iron City customising and repairing the bodies of its cyborg citizens, from the mercenary “hunter killers” to the fast-living players of Motorball (a kind of supercharged mixture of Rollerball and Death Race), one day discovering the wrecked remains of a female ‘borg in the junkyard of scrap accumulated beneath Zalem.  Finding her human brain is still alive, he gives her a new chassis and christens her Alita, raising her as best he can as she attempts to piece together her mysterious, missing past, only for them both to discover that the truth of her origins has the potential to tear their fragile little world apart forever. The Maze Runner trilogy’s Rosa Salazar is the heart and soul of the film as Alita (originally Gally in the comics), perfectly bringing her (literal) wide-eyed innocence and irrepressible spirit to life, as well as proving every inch the diminutive badass fans have been expecting – while her overly anime-styled look might have seemed a potentially jarring distraction in the trailers, Salazar’s mocap performance is SO strong you’ve forgotten all about it within the first five minutes, convinced she’s a real, flesh-and-metal character – and she’s well supported by an exceptional ensemble cast both new and well-established.  Waltz is the most kind and sympathetic he’s been since Django Unchained, instilling Ido with a worldly warmth and gentility that makes him a perfect mentor/father-figure, while Spooksville star Keean Johnson makes a VERY impressive big screen breakthrough as Hugo, the streetwise young dreamer with a dark secret that Alita falls for in a big way, Jennifer Connelly is icily classy as Ido’s ex-wife Chiren, Mahershala Ali is enjoyably suave and mysterious as the film’s nominal villain, Vector, an influential but seriously shady local entrepreneur with a major hidden agenda, and a selection of actors shine through the CGI in various strong mocap performances, such as Deadpool’s Ed Skrein, Derek Mears, From Dusk Til Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and a thoroughly unrecognisable but typically awesome Jackie Earle Haley.  As you’d expect from Rodriguez, the film delivers BIG TIME on the action front, unleashing a series of spectacular set-pieces that peak with Alita’s pulse-pounding Motorball debut, but there’s a pleasingly robust story under all the thrills and wow-factor, riffing on BIG THEMES and providing plenty of emotional power, especially in the heartbreaking character-driven climax – Cameron, meanwhile, has clearly maintained strict control over the project throughout, his eye and voice writ large across every scene as we’re thrust headfirst into a fully-immersive post-apocalyptic, rusty cyberpunk world as thoroughly fleshed-out as Avatar’s Pandora, but most importantly he’s still done exactly what he set out to do, paying the utmost respect to a cracking character as he brings her to vital, vivid life on the big screen.  Don’t believe the detractors – this is a MAGNIFICENT piece of work that deserves all the recognition it can muster, perfectly set up for a sequel that I fear we may never get to see.  Oh well, at least it’s renewed my flagging hopes for a return to Pandora …

15.  AD ASTRA – last century, making a space exploration movie after 2001: A Space Odyssey was a pretty tall order. THIS century, looks like it’s trying to follow Chris Nolan’s Interstellar – love it or hate it, you can’t deny that particular epic space opera for the IMAX crowd is a REALLY tough act to follow.  At first glance, then, writer-director James Gray (The Yards, We Own the Night) is an interesting choice to try, at least until you consider his last feature – he may be best known for understated, gritty little crime thrillers, but I was most impressed by 2016’s ambitious period biopic The Lost City of Z, which focused on the groundbreaking career of pioneering explorer Percy Fawcett, and couldn’t have been MORE about the indomitable spirit of discovery if it tried.  His latest shares much of the same DNA, albeit presented in a VERY different package, as we’re introduced to a more expansive Solar System of the near future, in which humanity has begun to colonize our neighbouring worlds and is now pushing its reach beyond our own star’s light in order to discover what truly lies beyond the void of OUTER space.  Brad Pitt stars as Major Roy McBride, a career astronaut whose whole life has been defined by growing up in the shadow of his father, H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones), a true pioneer who led an unprecedented expedition to the orbit of our furthest neighbour, Neptune, in order to search for signs of intelligent life beyond our solar system, only for the whole mission to go quiet for the past sixteen years.  Then a mysterious, interplanetary power surge throws the Earth into chaos, and Roy must travel farther than he’s ever gone before in order to discover the truth behind the source of the pulse – his father’s own ill-fated Lima Project … this is a very different beast from Interstellar, a much more introspective, stately affair, revelling in its glacial pacing and emphasis on character motivation over plot, but it’s no less impressive from a visual, visceral standpoint – Gray and cinematographer Hoyt van Hoytema (who, interestingly, ALSO shot Interstellar, along with Nolan’s Dunkirk and his upcoming feature Tenet) certainly make space look truly EPIC, crafting astonishing visuals that deserve to be seen on the big screen (or at the very least on the best quality HDTV you can find).  There’s also no denying the quality of the writing, Gray weaving an intricate story that reveals far greater depth and complexity than can be seen at first glance, while Roy’s palpable “thought-process” voiceover puts us right into the head of the character as we follow him across the endless void on a fateful journey into a cosmic Heart of Darkness.  There is, indeed, a strong sense of Apocalypse Now to proceedings, with the younger McBride definitely following a similar path to Martin Sheen’s ill-fated captain as he travels “up-river” to find his Colonel Kurtz-esque father, and the performances certainly match the heft of the material – there’s an impressive collection of talent on offer in a series of top-quality supporting turns, Jones being just the icing on the cake in the company of Donald Sutherland, Liv Tyler, John Ortiz and Preacher’s Ruth Negga, but the undeniable driving force of the film is Pitt, his cool, laconic control hiding uncharted depths of emotional turmoil as he’s forced to call every choice into question.  It’s EASILY one of the finest performances of his career to date, just one of the MANY great selling points in a film that definitely deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time sci-fi greats of the decade. An absolute masterpiece, then, but does it stand tall in comparison to Interstellar?  I should say so …

14.  BRIGHTBURN – torpedoing Crawl right out of the water in the summer, this refreshing, revisionist superhero movie takes one of the most classic mythologies in the genre and turns it on its head in true horror style.  The basic premise is an absolute blinder – what if, when he crashed in small-town America as a baby, Superman had turned out to be a bad seed?  Unsurprising, then, that it came from James Gunn, who here produces a screenplay by his brother and cousin Brian and Mark Gunn (best known for penning the likes of Journey 2: the Mysterious Island, but nobody’s perfect) and the directorial big break of his old mate David Yarovesky (whose only previous feature is obscure sci-fi horror The Hive) – Gunn is, of course, an old pro at taking classic comic book tropes and creating something completely new with them, having previously done so with HUGE success on cult indie black comedy Super and, in particular, Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies, and his fingerprints are ALL OVER this one too.  The Hunger Games’ Elizabeth Banks (who starred in Gunn’s own directorial debut Slither) and David Denman (The Office) are Tori and Kyle Breyer, a farming couple living in Brightburn, Kansas, who are trying for a baby when a mysterious pod falls from the sky onto their land, containing an infant boy.  As you’d expect, they adopt him, determined to keep his origin a secret, and for the first twelve years of his life all seems perfectly fine – Brandon’s growing up into an intelligent, artistic child who loves his family. Then his powers manifest and he starts to change – not just physically (he’s impervious to harm, incredibly strong, has laser eyes and the ability to disrupt electronic devices … oh, and he can fly, too), but also in personality, as he becomes cold, distant, even cruel as he begins to demonstrate some seriously sociopathic tendencies.  As his parents begin to fear what he’s becoming, things begin to spiral out of control and people start to disappear or turn up brutally murdered, and it becomes clear that Brandon might actually be something out of a nightmare … needless to say this is superhero cinema as full-on horror, Brandon’s proclivities leading to some proper nasty moments once he really starts to cut loose, and there’s no mistaking this future super for one of the good guys – he pulverises bones, shatters faces and melts skulls with nary a twitch, just the tiniest hint of a smile.  It’s an astonishing performance from newcomer Jackson A. Dunn, who perfectly captures the nuanced subtleties as Brandon goes from happy child to lethal psychopath, clearly demonstrating that he’s gonna be an incredible talent in future; the two grown leads, meanwhile, are both excellent, Denman growing increasingly haunted and exasperated as he tries to prove his own son is a wrong ‘un, while Banks has rarely been better, perfectly embodying a mother desperately wanting to belief the best of her son no matter how compelling the evidence becomes, and there’s quality support from Breaking Bad’s Matt Jones and Search Party’s Meredith Hagner as Brandon’s aunt and uncle, Noah and Meredith, and Becky Wahlstrom as the mother of one of his school-friends, who seems to see him for what he really is right from the start.  Dark, suspenseful and genuinely nasty, this is definitely not your typical superhero movie, often playing like Kick-Ass’ deeply twisted cousin, and there are times when it displays some of the same edgy, black-hearted sense of humour, too.  In other words, it’s all very James Gunn. It’s one sweet piece of work, everyone involved showing real skill and devotion, and Yarovesky in particular proves he’ll definitely be one-to-watch in the future.  There are already plans for a potential sequel, and given where this particular little superhero universe seems to be heading I think it could be something pretty special, so fair to say I can’t wait.

13.  STAR WARS EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER – wow, this one’s proven particularly divisive, hasn’t it? And I thought The Last Jedi caused a stir … say what you will about Rian Johnson’s previous entry in the juggernaut science fiction saga, while it certainly riled up the hardcore fanbase it was at least well-received by the critics, not to mention myself, who found it refreshing and absolutely ingenious after the crowd-pleasing simplicity of JJ Abrams’ admittedly still thoroughly brilliant The Force Awakens.  After such radical experimentation, Abrams’ return to the director’s chair can’t help feeling a bit like desperate backpedalling in order to sooth a whole lot of seriously ruffled feathers, and I’ll admit that, on initial viewing, I couldn’t help feeling just a touch cheated given what might have been if similarly offbeat, experimentally-minded filmmaker Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed, Jurassic World) had stayed on board to helm the picture.  Then I got home, thought about it for a bit and it started to grow on me, before a second viewing helped me to reconcile all everything that bugged me first time around, seemingly the same things that have, perversely, ruffled so many more feathers THIS TIME.  This doesn’t feel like a retcon job, no matter what some might think – new developments in the story that might feel like whitewash actually do make sense once you think about them, and the major twists actually work when viewed within the larger, overarching storyline.  Not that I’m willing to go into any kind of detail here, mind you – this is a spoiler-free zone, thank you very much.  Suffice to say, the honour of the saga has in no way been besmirched by Abrams and his co-writer Chris Terrio (sure, he worked on Batman V Superman and Justice League, but he also wrote Argo), the final film ultimately standing up very well indeed alongside its trilogy contemporaries, and still MILES ABOVE anything we got in George Lucas’ decidedly second-rate prequels.  The dangling plot strands from The Last Jedi certainly get tied up with great satisfaction, particularly the decidedly loaded drama of new Jedi Rey (Daisy Ridley) and troubled First Order Supreme Leader Kylo Ren/Ben Solo (Adam Driver), while the seemingly controversial choice of reintroducing Ian McDiarmid’s fantastically monstrous Emperor Palpatine as the ultimate big bad ultimately works out spectacularly well, a far cry from any perceived botched fan-service.  Everyone involved was clearly working at the height of their powers – Ridley and Driver are EXCEPTIONAL, both up-and-coming young leads truly growing into the their roles, while co-stars John Boyega and Oscar Isaac land a pleasingly meaty chunk of the story to finally get to really explore that fantastic chemistry they teased on The Last Jedi, and Carrie Fisher gets a truly MAGNIFICENT send off in the role that defined her as the incomparable General Leia Organa (one which it’s still heartbreaking she never quite got to complete); other old faces, meanwhile, return in fun ways, from Anthony Daniels’ C-3PO FINALLY getting to play a PROPER role in the action again to a brilliant supporting flourish from the mighty Billy Dee Williams as the Galaxy-Far-Far-Away’s own King of Cool, Lando Calrissian, while there’s a wealth of strong new faces here too, such as Lady Macbeth’s Naomie Ackie as rookie rebel Jannah, Richard E. Grant as suitably slimy former-Imperial First Order bigshot Allegiant General Pryde, The Americans’ Keri Russell as tough smuggler Zorii Bliss and Lord of the Rings star Dominic Monaghan as Resistance tech Beaumont Kin.  As fans have come to expect, Abrams certainly doesn’t skim on the spectacle, delivering bombastic thrill-ride set-pieces that yet again set the benchmark for the year’s action stakes (particularly in the blistering mid-picture showdown between Rey and Kylo among the wave-lashed remains of Return of the Jedi’s blasted Death Star) and awe-inspiring visuals that truly boggle the mind with their sheer beauty and complexity, but he also injects plenty of the raw emotion, inspired character work, knowing humour and pure, unadulterated geeky FUN he’s so well known for.  In conclusion, then, this is MILES AWAY from the clunky, compromised mess it’s been labelled as in some quarters, ultimately still very much in keeping with the high standards set by its trilogy predecessors and EVERY INCH a proper, full-blooded Star Wars movie.  Ultimately, Rogue One remains THE BEST of the big screen run since Lucas’ Original Trilogy, but this one still emerges as a Force to be reckoned with …

12.  JOKER – no-one was more wary than me when it was first announced that DC and Warner Bros. were going to make a standalone, live-action movie centred entirely around Batman’s ultimate nemesis, the Joker, especially with it coming hot on the heels of Jared Leto’s thoroughly polarizing portrayal in Suicide Squad.  More so once it was made clear that this WOULD NOT be part of the studio’s overarching DC Extended Universe cinematic franchise, which was FINALLY starting to find its feet – then what’s the point? I found myself asking.  I should have just sat back and gone with it, especially since the finished product would have made me eat a big slice of humble pie had I not already been won over once the trailers started making the rounds.  This is something new, different and completely original in the DC cinematic pantheon, even if it does draw major inspiration from Alan Moore’s game-changing DC comics mini-series The Killing Joke – a complete standalone origin story for one of our most enduring villains, re-imagined as a blistering, bruising psychological thriller examining what can happen to a man when he’s pushed far beyond the brink by terrible circumstance, societal neglect and crippling mental illness. Joaquin Phoenix delivers the performance of his career as Arthur Fleck, a down-at-heel clown-for-hire struggling to launch a career as a stand-up-comic (badly hampered by the fact that he’s just not funny) while suffering from an acute dissociative condition and terrible attacks of pathological laughter at moments of heightened stress – the actor lost 52 pounds of weight to become a horrifically emaciated scarecrow painfully reminiscent of Christian Bale’s similar preparation for his acclaimed turn in The Machinist, and frequently contorts himself into seemingly impossible positions that prominently accentuate the fact.  Fleck is a truly pathetic creature, thoroughly put-upon by a pitiless society that couldn’t care less about him, driven by inner demons and increasingly compelling dark thoughts to act out in increasingly desperate, destructive ways that ultimately lead him to cross lines he just can’t come back from, and Phoenix gives his all in every scene, utterly mesmerising even when his character commits some truly heinous acts.  Certainly he dominates the film, but then there are plenty of winning supporting turns from a universally excellent cast to bolster him along, from Zazie Beetz as an impoverished young mother Arthur bonds with and Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under, American Horror Story) as Arthur’s decidedly fragile mother Penny to Brett Cullen (The Thorn Birds, Lost) as a surprisingly unsympathetic Thomas Wayne (the philanthropic father of future Batman Bruce Wayne), while Robert De Niro himself casts a very long shadow indeed as Murray Franklin, a successful comedian and talk show host that Arthur idolizes, a character intentionally referential to his role in The King of Comedy.  Indeed, Martin Scorsese’s influence is writ large throughout the entire film, reinforced by the choice to set the film in a 1981-set Gotham City which feels very much like the crumbling New York of Mean Streets or Taxi Driver.  This is a dark, edgy, grim and unflinchingly BRUTAL film, frequently difficult to watch as Arthur is driven further into a blazing psychological hell by his increasingly stricken life, but addictively, devastatingly compelling all the same, impossible to turn away from even in the truly DEVASTATING final act.  Initially director Todd Phillips seemed like a decidedly odd choice for the project, hailing as he does from a predominantly comedy-based filmmaking background (most notably Due Date and The Hangover trilogy), but he’s actually a perfect fit here, finding a strangely twisted beauty in many of his compositions and a kind of almost uplifting transcendence in his subject’s darkest moments, while his screenwriting collaboration with Scott Silver (8 Mile, The Fighter) means that the script is as rich as it can be, almost overflowing with brilliant ideas and rife with biting social commentary which is even more relevant today than in the period in which it’s set.  Intense, gripping, powerful and utterly devastating, this truly is one of the best films of 2019.  If this was a purely critical Top 30 this would have placed in the Top 5, guaranteed …

11.  FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS HOBBS & SHAW – summer 2019’s most OTT movie was some of THE MOST FUN I had at the cinema all year, a genuinely batshit crazy, pure bonkers rollercoaster ride of a film I just couldn’t get enough of, the perfect sum of all its baffling parts.  The Fast & Furious franchise has always revelled in its extremes, subtle as a brick and very much playing to the blockbuster, popcorn movie crowd right from the start, but it wasn’t until Fate of the Furious (yup, the ridiculous title says it all) that it really started to play to the inherent ridiculousness of its overall setup, paving the way for this first crack at a new spin-off series sans-Vin Diesel.  Needless to say this one fully embraces the ludicrousness, with director David Leitch the perfect choice to shepherd it into the future, having previously mastered OTT action through John Wick and Atomic Blonde before helming manic screwball comedy Deadpool 2, which certainly is the strongest comparison point here – Hobbs & Shaw is every bit as loud, violent, chaotic and thoroughly irreverent, definitely playing up the inherent comic potential at the core of the material as he cranks up the humour.  Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham take centre stage as, respectively, DSS agent Luke Hobbs and former SAS black operative Deckard Shaw, the ultimate action movie odd couple once again forced to work together to foil the bad guy and save the world from a potentially cataclysmic disaster.  Specifically Brixton Lore (Idris Elba), a self-proclaimed “black superman” enhanced with cybernetic implants and genetic manipulation to turn him into the ultimate warrior, who plans to use a lethal designer supervirus to eradicate half of humanity (as supervillains tend to do), but there’s one small flaw in his plan – the virus has been stolen by Hattie Shaw (Mission: Impossible – Fallout’s Vanessa Kirby), a rogue MI6 agent who also happens to be Deckard’s sister.  Got all that?  Yup, the movie really is as mad as it sounds, but that’s part of the charm – there’s an enormous amount of fun to be had in just giving in and going along with the madness as Hobbs and the two Shaws bounce from one overblown, ludicrously destructive set-piece to the next, kicking plenty of arse along the way when they’re not jumping out of tall buildings or driving fast cars at ludicrous speeds in heavy traffic, and when they’re not doing that they’re bickering with enthusiasm, each exchange crackling with exquisite hate-hate chemistry and liberally laced with hilarious dialogue delivered with gleeful, fervent venom (turns out there’s few things so enjoyable as watching Johnson and Statham verbally rip each other a new one), and the two action cinema heavyweights have never been better than they are here, each bringing the very best performances of their respective careers out of each other as they vacillate, while Kirby holds her own with consummate skill that goes to show she’s got a bright future of her own.  As for Idris Elba, the one-time potential future Bond deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time great screen villains ever, investing Brixton with the perfect combination of arrogant swagger and lethal menace to steal every scene he’s in while simultaneously proving he can be just as big a badass in the action stakes; Leitch also scatters a selection of familiar faces from his previous movies throughout a solid supporting cast which also includes the likes of Fear the Walking Dead’s Cliff Curtis, From Dusk Till Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and Helen Mirren (who returns as Deckard and Hattie’s mum Queenie Shaw), while there’s more than one genuinely brilliant surprise cameo to enjoy. As we’ve come to expect, the action sequences are MASSIVE, powered by nitrous oxide and high octane as property is demolished and vehicles are driven with reckless abandon when our protagonists aren’t engaged in bruising, bone-crunching fights choreographed with all the flawless skill you’d expect from a director who used to be a professional stuntman, but this time round the biggest fun comes from the downtime, as the aforementioned banter becomes king.  It’s an interesting makeover for the franchise, going from heavyweight action stalwart to comedy gold, and it’s a direction I hope they’ll maintain for the inevitable follow-up – barring Fast Five, this is THE BEST Fast & Furious to date, and a strong indicator of how it should go to keep conquering multiplexes in future.  Sign me up for more, please.

[trashyswitch]

Voodoo Duke-craft

An online article has been going around about a Voodoo doll craft for the risky people. Deceit, who comes across the article online, decides to ask Remus to make one for him. There was something he wanted to try out on the fellow sides...

Remus came to the front of the yellow and black room, and knocked on the door. As he patiently waited for the door to open, Remus looked down at the liquid-free blood bag with the doll laying upside down in the bag. Along with the doll, was a bunch of heart-shaped pieces of felt with safety pins on them. There was a light blue heart, a dark blue heart, a red heart, a purple heart, and a yellow heart. Where was the green heart, you ask? Why, it was already pinned onto the voodoo doll!

The door finally opened. As he predicted, it was Deceit.

"Come in." Deceit tells him. Remus happily comes into the yellow-colored room, lined with snakes, Law and Order posters and Judge Judy posters.

"I brought you the doll. Here it is!" Remus said, pulling out of the blood bag and handing it to Deceit. The doll was made out of a sock-like material, with stitches around the head, around the shoulder and all the way down the back. Despite the doll coming from Remus, the doll appeared to be really well made! There were a pair of buttons sewed on for eyes, a mouth stitched on, a black square outline for the pinned hearts, and lastly: a small black button sewed on for the belly button.

Deceit looked up from the doll. "And you're positive this thing actually works?" Deceit asked.

"Yup! Positive. I tried it on myself before giving it to you, as you can see-" Remus said as he pointed at the green heart on the voodoo doll. "You can try it too, if you want." Remus suggested.

Deceit tilted his head and looked at the doll. He lifted a finger, and poked the shoulder, just to test it. Out of the corner or his eye, Deceit noticed Remus swaying slightly to the side and holding his arm. Deceit, believing he was just acting, began poking near the belly area of the doll.

"Uhuh, Deceit- AAAH! NO, DON'T DO THAT! AAAAEEEEHEHEHE!" Remus begged, doubling over in a fit of laughter.

Deceit gasped and removed his finger. "Wow! It does work!" Deceit reacts. Deceit continued poking Remus's belly, even going as far as to give Remus's belly a little scratch.

"EEEEhehehe! Deceheheit- AAAHAHAHA! NOHOHO BEHEHELLY BUHUTTOHOHON!" Remus yelled, falling over onto the floor.

"I suppose this works really well. I will use this voodoo doll to my advantage. Thank you, Remus." Deceit said with a grin. After giving Remus another tickle on the belly, Deceit touched the glowing green felt heart to turn it off. When it was off, Deceit removed the heart pin and placed it in his pocket along with the other pins.

With everything in place, Deceit was ready to start tormenting the other sides. He left his room and closed the door, allowing Remus to process the mistake he'd made in his room.

Deceit walked around, looking for potential contenders. While walking down the hall, Deceit gazed his eyes upon a light blue-clothed figure. Recognizing who it was, Deceit his behind a wall and grabbed the light blue heart out of his pocket. Opening the pin, Deceit inserted the pin into the black felt, and closed it up. Now, if it truly worked, Patton should be bonded with the voodoo doll. Just as a test, Deceit gave Patton's neck a little flutter with his finger.

From a few feet into the living room, Patton let out a yelp of surprise. Deceit looked at Patton from the wall and watched as Patton looked around the room, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. Deceit smirked and began fluttering his fingers on Patton's neck for a little longer this time.

"Eeep! Hehehehehe! Hahahaha!" Patton giggled, scrunching up his shoulders as he reached his arms back to grab whatever was tickling his neck. Weirdly enough, Patton couldn't feel anything on his neck! His neck was bare!

Deceit began tickling the sides of the doll's neck, fluttering his index finger on both sides of the neck one side at a time. Right side, left side. Right side, left side...

Patton squealed as his back fell onto the couch. "EEEEHehehehehehehe!" Patton giggled more, flapping his hands absolutely everywhere around his head.

Next, Deceit stopped his fingers and began poking Patton's belly button with breaks in between each poke.

"NOOHOHoho! What is gohoHOHOING OHOHON?!" Patton asked out loud. Deceit held in a giggle as he began fluttering the finger as he poked. "AAAAAH! NUUHUHUHUHU! NOHOhoho tihiHIHIHICKLES! Nohohoho TIHIHihihickles!" Patton begged to the thin air around him. Patton knew it sounded silly to talk to the air. But, how else was he supposed to tell something invisible to stop tickling him?

To lessen the tickles a little, Deceit moved his fingers to the outside of the belly button and began drawing light circles around the doll's black button.

"Hehehehehe! Ohohokahahay...thahahat's behehehetteheheher..." Patton said out loud. To make things feel a little better, Deceit turned the doll around and gave it a hug.

Patton smiled as he felt physically hugged by an invisible pair of arms. It felt so warm and snug. Like being held by a security blanket. But amidst his calming hug, Patton began giggling again at the feeling of up to 8 light nails, teasing and fluttering his belly skin.

Patton squealed in surprise. "WhohoHOHOHOAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHahahait!" Patton begged, kicking and squirming as much as he could. Though the invisible arms were snug, they weren't physically able to stop from squirming every which way. So, Patton took advantage of this ability and squirmed absolutely everywhere he could on the couch.

Deceit allowed his mouth to morph into a toothy smile as he moved his tickly fingers over to the sides of the doll's belly.

"EEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE! NAHAHAT THEHEHERE! PLEHEHEHEHEASE NAHAHAHAT THEHEHEHEHERE!" Patton begged. Now, Patton was lying on the couch, aggressively kicking his legs and rocking side to side to cope with the unstoppable tickles. Deceit's mischief had just left him at this point. Deceit was actually really enjoying making Patton laugh like this. He was keeping it a mystery, sure, but it was really fun seeing Patton laugh and squirm on the couch.

Soon though, Deceit needed to give Patton a break. He did not want Patton to pass out, after all. So, Deceit stopped the tickles and rubbed the phantom tickles off of Patton. Then, Deceit proceeded to hug the doll for a few minutes, to make Patton feel comfortable after the tickle attack. As he hugged the doll, Deceit watched as Patton practically melted into the touch. It was here, that Deceit discovered something new about Patton: He's touch-starved. If he were used to touch, Patton would be eventually squirming for him to let go. But, Patton was perfectly comfortable with being cuddled. If Deceit didn't have anything to do, he would've definitely stayed to hug Patton for a lot longer.

But, he had things to do. So, Deceit pressed the felt heart and allowed it to stop glowing (bonding to Patton). Then, Deceit removed the heart pin and went onto his merry way. Deceit walked around for a bit, and came across another side. Deceit hid in the room across from the red-doored room. The room belonged to Roman, who was admiring himself in the mirror. Deceit rolled his eyes, but smiled as he pulled out the red felt heart. Attaching the felt heart to the black square, Deceit allowed the heart a few seconds to bond with Roman.

A couple seconds later, the red heart fabric began glowing. This meant that the heart was now fully bonded with Roman! When Deceit saw this, he calmly lifted up the arm and lifted his finger. He brought the finger down to the doll's armpit, and began scratching.

Roman - who had been posing in the mirror with his arm up behind his head - squealed and slammed his arm down as he bursted into laughter. Roman leaned backwards and struggled to keep his balance as he laughed somewhat forcefully.

"Whahahat thehe heheheck?! WHYHYHY?! WHAHAHAT IHIHIHIS GOHOHOING OHOHOHOHON?!" Roman shouted.

Deceit smirked as he watched, and began to dig a little deeper into the doll's armpit.

"EEEEEEEEEK! WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHOHOHOEHEHEVER YOHOHOU AHAHAHARE, STAHAHAHAHAP IHIHIHIHIT!" Roman shouted.

Deceit's eyes widened. He did NOT know Roman was THIS ticklish on his armpits. Deceit decided not to attack the second armpit, and instead went for the feet. Deceit removed his finger and placed it onto the bottoms of the doll's feet. Deceit started scratching under the left foot first.

"Ohohohoho NOOOHOHOHO! HOHOHOHOW?! Ihihihi hahahahave SHOHOHOHOES OHOHOHON!" Roman yelled amidst his laughter. Deceit smirked and only moved his scratching fingers over to the right foot. "WHAHAHAT IHIHIHIHIS hahahahappehehenihihing?!" Roman asked as he hopped around to get away from the tickly feeling under his right foot.

Deceit giggled and tried tickling two spots at once: the doll's left armpit and the doll's right foot. Roman's eyes practically bulged out of his skull. Roman fell backwards onto the ground, and rolled around manically. "NAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TOHOHOHOHOO TIHIHIHICKLIHIHIHISH! STOP IT! STAHAHAHAHAP!" Roman shouted.

Roman was freaking out. Thank god no one was seeing this! How would anyone react to him screaming in laughter at nothing, and rolling around like a wiggle worm?! He would NEVER be able to live that down! How was this even HAPPENING?! Was there an invisible person around him?! Was Remus messing with him?!?! WHAT WAS GOING ON?!

But, all the thoughts left Roman's mind the moment both armpits got attacked. Roman let out a SUPER high-pitched scream, and fell into wheezy, silent laughter! Who's tickling him?! And WHY HIS DEATH SPOT?! HOW ABOUT NO!!

"KNOHOHOHOHOCK IHIHIHIHIT OHOHOHOHOHOHOFF!" Roman begged.

Deceit decided to listen to him and lessen the tickles dramatically. Deceit removed his fingers and decided to try a different tickle spot that Remus shared with Roman: the thighs. Deceit's fingers gave the doll's inner leg a little poke, before dragging his fingernail up and down, up and down, up and down the thigh.

Roman let out some high-pitched giggles and hopped around like a jumpy bunny. "EeeeEEEEEEEHEHEHEHE! Waiiihiihihit! Hehehehehehehe! Ihihihit TIHIHIHICKLES!" Roman giggled a little more softly, hugging his knees and kicking his feet as he coped with the tweaked ticklish spot.

Deceit covered his mouth to silently giggle, before adding a second finger to the doll's thigh. Roman let go of his knees and allowed himself to kick his legs as he rolled around and covered his face with his hands. Roman's giggles were now being muffled from his hands, which only slightly lessened the volume. Fortunately for Deceit, Roman's laughter was still adorable when covered, as when his giggles were uncovered!

Deceit soaked up as much of Roman's giggles as he could, before moving onto the left thigh. Deceit wiggles his fingers onto the doll's thigh very softly. Despite one's belief with soft tickles, Roman's giggles didn't die down! In fact, they almost got a little louder! Deceit's very light fingernail tickles were almost teasy in a way! This made Roman's face heat up in embarrassment. "Plehehehehease! Ihihihi cahahahahan't tahahahahake ihihihit! Ihihihit's sohohoho ticklyhy, and ihihihit's wohohohohorse thahahat Ihihihi cahahahan't seehehehehe whehehehere yohohou'll strihihihike nehehext!" Roman explained through his never ending giggles.

Deceit raised an eyebrow. 'worse when you can't see'? Now, Deceit was really intrigued. In a test of curiousity, Deceit decided to flutter only one finger, on the doll's left thigh for a few seconds before moving his finger to the left thigh. He would keep switching back and forth, tickling softly but teasily. Then, Deceit moved his fingers over to Roman's armpit, and began switching between right armpit, and left thigh. This just made Roman's giggles and laughter jump all over the place.

"NOHOHOHohohoho! NOHOHO swihihihIHIHICHING SPOHOhohohots! Thihihis is CRAHAHAHAZYYYY! IHihihihi'm tohohohoho tihihihicklihihish fohohor thihihihIHIHIHIS!!" Roman begged. His laughter would die down into giggles for a while, before growing into even MORE laughter! It was so strange and unpredictable! Whoever this was, was EVIL and should be given PUNISHMENT for such cruel tickle tactics!

But thankfully for Roman, this 'evil' tickler was also merciful! Deceit removed his fingers from the doll, and gave the doll a hug to make him feel better. Roman gasped at the sudden feeling of invisible arms wrapping around him, but froze in place to allow the hidden arms to hug him.

After a couple seconds of hugging, Deceit let go of the doll and pressed on the heart to turn it off. When it stopped glowing, Deceit removed the red pin, placed it in his pocket and went on his way to find the next victim.

After going up the stairs, Deceit came across Virgil's room. He looked inside and saw Virgil just listening to death metal music. Wanting to make Virgil look a little happier, Deceit pulled out the purple heart pin and opened up the pin. When it was inserted, Deceit watched as the purple heart slowly got brighter, and brighter, until it was completely bonded with Virgil!

Now: Knowing Virgil most of his life, Deceit knew that these tickles needed to be tame and calming all at once. He couldn't go hard on him at all, or else he will really regret it. Even though he could easily get away with it using the Voodoo doll tactic, he still wanted to make him happy, not make him feel miserable. So, Deceit started off really soft with some calm, belly tickles. He began carefully and lightly scratching the doll's belly.

Virgil -not expecting a sudden fluttery feeling on his side- suddenly jumps, lets out a squeak and instinctively scoots away from the touch. "Aaahahaha! What-...hello?" Virgil asks, unable to see anyone in the room. Whatever had happened, wasn't happening anymore. So, Virgil relaxed and laid himself back down onto the bed. A few moments later, the fluttering feeling came back! Virgil gasped and bursted into giggles. "Eehehehehe! Gehehehet ohohout ohohohohof thehehere!" Virgil begged. Virgil zipped off his jacket and lifted up his shirt...Funny...No bugs? Were they invisible? Virgil felt around his belly and found that his belly was as bare as can be!

Meanwhile, Deceit was allowing Virgil to figure out bits of the puzzle before allowing his finger to return. When he felt ready, Deceit turned the doll around and started fluttering his finger on the other side of the doll's belly. Deceit listened as Virgil bursted into giggles and covered them up with his hand. Deceit giggled to himself and added another finger, to force his hand off his mouth.

"PFFffffhahahahahaha!" Virgil let out, spitting into his hand before removing it and pounding his fist into the bed. "Whyhyhyhy ihihis thihihihis hahahahappehehenihing?!" Virgil asked. Deceit smirked and continued lightly tickling the belly, making sure to give him poke-filled breaks to not overwhelm him. "Hehehehehe! Ihit tihiHIHICKLES- OHGEEHEHEHEHEZ! HAHAHAhahahaha! Nohohoho pohohokes- NO POHOHOHOHOKES! IHIHIHI dohohon't LIHIHIHIhihike thehehehEHEHEHEM!" Virgil warned.

Deceit kept that in mind and instead removed his fingers completely to give him a break. Virgil took great advantage of the break, and took in some deep breaths. It didn't take long for his energy to come back thankfully, due to how easy Deceit was on him. Virgil sighed with a smile, and grabbed his headphones to place them on his head. But, just as he put his headphones on, a fluttery feeling started up on Virgil's ear!

Virgil threw his headphones off his head and squealed as he swatted at his ear. "Wahahahait! Nahahahat agahahahahain! Ihihihit tihihihickles!" Virgil begged. Deceit ignored this part though, and only moved his fluttery fingers to the other side of the doll. Virgil squealed and began swatting at the left ear! "EEEehehehehear tihihihickles! Toooohohohohoho tihihihicklihihish!" Virgil reacted, flopping his back onto the bed desperately and kicking his legs.

Deceit's smirk got larger as he tickled the different parts of Virgil's ears. The back of the ears, the front of the ear, the top of the ear flap itself, and even the bit of skull behind the ear was really ticklish! Virgil was giggling madly, shaking his head back and forth and kicking his legs. He was so confused! How were his ears being tickled right now?! Was it some kind of witchcraft?! Virgil just didn't understand. And, to make matters worse, he couldn't properly think with his ears being tickled and teased!

Deceit actually planned it that way. He knew that too many physical distractions would stop his spiraling head. This was for the best.

What was also for the best, Deceit thought, was for Virgil to get another break. Deceit removed his fingers, forever this time, and allowed Virgil to breath again. Then, Deceit placed his arms around the doll and gave the doll a nice, snug hug.

Virgil gasped and suddenly smiled when he felt the feeling of a nice warm hug surrounding him. Virgil didn't fully understand where the hug-feeling was coming from, but it was enjoyable! Virgil happily snuggled into his bed and cuddled himself into the invisible hug. Is this God hugging him? Is God capable of hugging people at random? If so, wow! Of all the people to hug, God chose him?! Virgil mentally celebrated that accomplishment.

When Deceit felt ready, he let go of the doll and removed the felt heart when ready. He put the felt heart into his pocket, and walked around. Only two more people to go!

Deceit looked around the house, trying to pinpoint the closest side to Deceit. That side appeared to be Logan! Oh boy! Deceit was REALLY excited for this session. Logan is known for showing very little emotion, so finding Logan's ticklish spots and getting him to laugh could be a game-changer!

Deceit walked towards the extra room that was created for Logan in the mind palace: the Research laboratory. Thomas dedicated a room to Logan, and turned it into a library/lab room so he can research and explore things on his own. Logan had been spending literal hours in there, just exploring lots of astronomy things in his books. Deceit had caught Logan drawing out all the constellations around the globe, trying to figure out where exactly each constellation appeared in the sky. Logan had been drawing the Scorpio when Deceit laid his eyes on him.

Using the maze of bookshelves located in the research lab, Deceit hid himself from Logan's watchful eyes. He carefully removed a singly book from the bookshelf, and took a peek in to see Logan's back. When the book was quietly placed down, Deceit removed the dark blue felt heart from his pocket and undid the pin. When the pin was inserted into the black square, Deceit waited for the felt heart to start glowing and bonding itself to Logan. When that was done, Deceit lifted his itchy finger to begin.

Deceit was about to properly start tickling him, when he realized he could take advantage of this unique situation! Deceit calmly clicked the blue felt heart to stop it from glowing, and proceeded to look around the library for a certain kind of book. After a few minutes of quiet looking, Deceit soon found a book on the very subject he was looking for: voodoo magic. Using a nearby long stick, Deceit pushed the book off the shelf and allowed it to fall onto the floor with a loud, thick thud.

"Huh?" Logan said out loud. Deceit hid himself deeper and deeper into the maze, to prevent himself from being spotted. Pretty soon, Logan heard footsteps coming closer and closer and closer...to the book that had fallen. Logan looked down at the book and read the front of it.

[The Voodoo Doll Spellbook: A Compendium of Ancient Contemporary Spells and Rituals]

Logan bent down and picked up the book, and looked up to the empty little book hole amidst the medium-high shelf of books. Instead of putting the book back, Logan decided to lean against the library shelf and check it out for a bit.

This was exactly what Deceit wanted. He just knew Logan could have his curiousity tricked into reading it. Deceit lifted up his finger, and clicked the heart again to activate the bonding of the doll with Logan. When it was 100% bonded, Deceit started off small. He placed his fingernail onto the shoulder of the doll, and drew a line down to the outside of the elbow and down to the doll's stump at the bottom, before removing the fingernail.

Logan felt the very same line on his OWN arm! It started at the shoulder, and went down, down, down to the wrist! It was so freaky! The feeling was so foreign, yet...familiar all at once! It also caused chills to run down his spine. Logan paused his reading and looked at his arm. Logan examined it, and discovered a potential fear of his had come true: He's bonded to a voodoo doll! How did- Who in the world has a voodoo doll of HIM?! And WHY?! Logan couldn't understand it!

Logan, growing more and more paranoid by the second, began to look around his room for hints of black magic or witchcraft.

Deceit could immediately notice how stressed Logan was getting. So, to lessen his thoughts and send Serotonin into his brain, Deceit decided to try out different tickle spots on the doll's body. Depending on how he reacted, Deceit could use it to his advantage.

Armpits:...nothing. Just a lift of the very arm, and a scratch.

Belly:...Oh? A jump! And a smile!

Belly button: Deceit watched Logan wrap his free arm around his middle and let out a squeal and a giggle. Success!

Next: sides:...nothing. No even a flinch.

Ribs:...no reaction, other than an eyebrow raise and the lift of both his arms.

Hips: Logan guffawed and dropped the book! Logan curled in on himself and let out bundles of laughter! Logan ended up falling backwards onto his bottom amidst his sudden reaction. Great success!

Next: thighs:... "HEY-" Logan shouted, slapping his own thigh to stop the feeling. "Don't touch." Logan warned. Deceit widened his eyes. That was a strange reaction...Deceit decided to try the lower part of his thighs. Logan squealed and began giggling in a high-pitched voice. "WAhahahahait! Whahahat dihihihihid Ihihi juhuhuhust sahahahahay?!" Logan asked, squeaking and squealing as he jumped around to cope with the tickly feeling. Verdict: Ticklish, but not recommended.

Moving on: back of the knees:...A few giggles but that's it. Only a little ticklish.

The calves: A large squeak left his mouth as he just collapsed onto the floor in mad giggles. Deceit watched as Logan's emotionless demeanor just crumbled, and allowed his to fall into such an adorable state only a lean nerd could fall into.

Two more spots.

Feet:...not ticklish. No reaction at all.

Toes: Small giggle, that's it.

Overall conclusion: Capable of being tickled, though spots are minimal.

Deceit decided to go back to the first tickle spot he discovered: the belly button. Deceit placed his fingernail into the black button on the doll. Almost immediately, Logan bursted into more giggles and began kicking his feet. Deceit liked seeing this reaction. It was kinda cute! So, Deceit kicked it up a notch! He placed his pinky finger onto the black button and began drawing circles around the outside of the black button on the doll.

"Baaaahahahahaha! Whohoho ahahahare yohohohohou! Shohohow yohohohoursehehehelf!" Logan ordered amidst his giggling. Deceit decided to ignore his order for now, and kept on tickling Logan with his pinky finger. Logan only continued to helplessly giggle and kick as he held onto his middle. This was so weird! "Whyhyhy ahahahare you dohohohoihihing thihihis?! Ihihihi dohohon't gehehehehet ihihihit!" Logan asked further. Deceit continued to ignore him and instead, chose to focus on another spot.

Deceit moved his pinky finger off the black button, and moved his index finger and thumb onto the doll's right hip. "Uuh-...Please! That's my worst spot! I'm begging you!" Logan begged. Deceit lifted an eyebrow. If Deceit wouldn't have known better, it would've sounded like Logan WANTED to be tickled on his hips! So, Deceit did the one thing he 'begged' for: He squeezed Logan's hip. "No! NO! NOOHOHOHOHO! HAHAHAHAHAHA! IHIHIHI SAHAHAHAID PLEHEHEHEHEASE! DIHIHIHIDN'T IHIHI?!" Logan asked.

It was here, that Deceit decided to walk out from behind the book shelves and in front of Logan. "Indeed, it is." Deceit said with a deep, intimidating voice. Logan opened his eyes and looked up at the figure in front of him. It was Deceit! "Deceit?! What are you do-" Logan started, before pausing his sentence as he noticed the item in his hand. "...You!" Logan reacted, jumping up to confront him. "YOU'RE the one with the voodoo doll!" Logan confronted.

"Indeed I am. Are you surprised?" Deceit asked.

Logan put a hand in his pocket. "Yes...I suppose I am. I can see the chances of Remus using this, as much more likely than seeing you with the doll. Then again though...You are capable of manipulation..." Logan explained.

"Manipulation? Don't you mean..." Deceit started, before lifting up the doll and his finger. "...exposing the truth?" Deceit corrected, ready to tickle Logan when needed.

Logan's face visibly morphed into fear. He clenched his teeth nervously.

"It is very well known that even the emotionless beings of the world have feelings as well. How they express them is completely up to them. You, however, choose to show almost all the emotions at least once, except for one thing: You refuse to laugh. I don't understand that." Deceit explained.

Logan resorted to his usual monotone act. "What...is there to understand? I don't laugh." Logan explained.

Deceit narrowed his eyes and cleared his throat as he brought the doll in front of him and fluttered his finger on the doll's black belly button. Logan quickly covered his mouth with his hand and clenched his other fist to stop the impulsive action. Oh no...He's determined to make Logan laugh!

"Oh, NOW you cover up your laugh. Let me not remind you that a few seconds ago, you were freely giggling and rolling on the floor." Deceit reminded. Logan's eyes widened in fear and shock. He SAW THAT?! OH SHIT! "Now: Since you refuse to laugh, I can make you squirm on the floor until you break. Don't deny it Logan: I have the means to do so." Deceit explained.

Logan, growing angry at the dominance Deceit had created over the logical side, Logan ran and attempted to grab the doll right out of his hand. But nope! Deceit dodged it and squeezed Logan's hip as he ran backwards away from the angry side. Not expecting his hips to be attacked so abruptly, Logan made a whining sound and doubled over desperately.

"Not a bad attempt. But, you're gonna have to try a little harder, in order to get this thing out of my hands." Deceit warned.

Logan attempted to glare at the evil side, but the glare quickly failed him as the doll's belly button AND hip was attacked at the same time. Logan let out a muffled yelp and fell onto the ground.

"Interesting: Despite your logical nature, you seemed to believe that 'giving me a glare while I'm using voodoo magic on you', will help you in any manner. Yet: it doesn't." Deceit teased logically. "You know what would be the most logical thing to do right now? Laugh. Laugh it all out. Let out every pent up piece of laughter in those lungs of yours." Deceit suggested. "Because if you don't now, then holding them in will only get harder and harder for you to do. Let's face it Logan: Whether it's sooner or later, you WILL let out your laughter for me." Deceit continued to beat Logan down with his own logic.

Logan squeezed his eyes shut and helplessly began to let titters out of his mouth. "See? You're beginning to break now. It's probably because I'm using an illogical strategy to get you to laugh. No matter how much you laugh, you will never be able to truly understand: Why does a person laugh when they're tickled? And, where does it come from?" Deceit proceeded to tease in a logical matter.

Logan, not able to take it anymore, finally lets out his laughter. "GAHAHAHAHAhahahaha! Deceheheheheit! Dohohohohon't!" Logan bursted out. Logan's pent up laughter pretty quickly turned into his regular giggles.

"Wow! 2 minutes and 30 seconds! Impressive! Yet, at the same time: unimpressive." Deceit reacted.

Logan rolled back and forth on the floor and kicked his feet wildly, unable to handle the foreign tickles he was experiencing. This was from a doll! A DOLL! HOW WAS THIS EFFECTING HIM SO MUCH?!

"Hohohohohow?! Ihihihi dohohon't uhuhuhundeheherstahand!" Logan reacted, still kicking his feet.

"How, you ask? Well, that's simple really: You happened to be born with a collection of nerve ending around multiple spots. But, to narrow it down: your hips-" Deceit squeezed his hips. "your belly button-" Deceit booped his belly button with his pinky. "and..." Deceit said with a smirk, before placing his fluttering fingers onto the doll's inner part of the upper leg. "...Your thighs." Deceit concluded.

Logan let out a squeal and threw his head back with a long, loud cackle. He was kicking his legs in mad desperation at this point, and letting out the most genuinely strong laughter that Deceit had ever come across! It was light-hearted, a little goofy, yet very contagious! Deceit couldn't even help chuckling along with him!

"Goodness gracious! Ihi think you have the best laughter yet! And I've gotten all the sides already!" Remus reacted.

Logan couldn't help his reaction at all! He couldn't change it either! Logan's cheeks, against all circumstances, had turned a light red hue! He was blushing! Deceit couldn't believe his eyes! "Do my eyes deceive me?! Is the logical side...blushing?" Deceit asked.

Logan shook his head as he laughed. "NOhohohoho! Ihihihi'm NAHAHAHAHAT!" Logan yelled.

"Oh, you're not? Then what would we call this redness on your face?" Deceit asked as he removed his fingers from the doll's thighs and caressed the doll's cheek. Though Logan's laughter quickly died down, Logan's head moved with the invisible hand and giggles still stayed to fill the room with laughter another hour. Deceit tilted his head as he tried something. Deceit tried fluttering his fingers on the jawline and the back of Logan's ear...Just to see how he'd react.

Surprisingly, Logan's giggles heightened slightly as he curled into the strange, but comfortable touch. It was almost a melting spot for Logan. How cute!

"It would seem that Logan has something that everyone lacks according to my knowledge: A melting spot. You, Logan, are capable of melting into a certain ticklish spot...Almost as if you like it. Do you like it?" Logan explained.

Logan only continued to giggle, as the bonded doll's ear was lightly tickled and teased with the glove-free finger. Logan didn't want to answer that question. He was NEVER going to answer such an embarrassing question!

Though...Logan's reputation had been left in tatters minutes before this...so...it wouldn't hurt, right?

"Fihihihine...Ihihi lihihihike ihihit..." Logan admitted.

Deceit smirked. "I knew it!" he reacted, still giving Logan's ears ticklish, cute little treatment.

Logan didn't protest. He actually didn't mind it! It felt really calming for him. And, to be further honest, it felt good to finally let out years of pent up laughter. Who knew laughing was one thing he was lacking all his life?!

Eventually though, Deceit had to give him a break. Deceit removed his fingers and pressed down the felt heart to stop it from bonding. When it stopped bonding, Deceit removed the dark blue felt heart and put it away in his pocket.

Logan narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. "What...How does this work?" Logan asked, grabbing a random heart and ripping it out of Deceit's pocket.

"Hey! Give that back!" Deceit yelled. Logan looked down at it, and smirked. It was a yellow felt heart. Deceit's bonding heart...

Logan held the felt heart up into the air. "Come and get it then!" Logan teased. Deceit fell for it, and attempted to jump up and get it. But, Logan grabbed the voodoo doll from Deceit's hand and ran a few steps from Deceit. With the voodoo doll in his hand and the yellow heart in his other hand, Logan could get Deceit back. Only...one problem:

"How does this doll work? Do I have to clip the heart onto the...black square where the heart location appears to be?" Logan asked.

"Would you like me to show you?" Deceit asked, reaching for the doll.

"NO!" Logan yelled, sliding backwards further away from the snake. "I- Nevermind. I can do it myself." Logan added, before undoing the pin. Logan slipped the pin into the fabric of the black square and closed the pin. When it was attached, Logan let the heart do its thing.

...Only...it didn't. It wouldn't glow, like it would with Deceit...

"What? Why isn't it working? Is it on the right spot?" Logan asked, poking it and fiddling with it.

Deceit lifted a hand. "Yes...It's on the right spot." Deceit told him.

Logan continued to keep poking it. Then, Logan tried lifting it up to see if there was a hidden button! Unbeknownst to Logan, his touching and accidental holding of his touch, was activating the yellow heart! "Look!" Deceit reacted. Logan looked at the felt heart, and widened his eyes. "Oh! There we go!" Logan reacted.

As the doll bonded with Deceit's body, the doll began to recreate Deceit's scales, using a different kind of fabric! Logan raised his eyebrows in shock and lifted the doll up to Deceit's face and looked at the comparison: It was a mirrored image of Deceit's scales! What in the world-

Logan decided to test it. He lifted up his finger, and tried dragging a fingernail down the doll's right, scaly side. Deceit gasped and hugged his side, showing off a wobbly smile and curling in a little.

"Fascinating..." Logan reacted. Deceit looked up and watched in horror as Logan squeezed up and down the doll's side. Deceit squealed through his toothy smile and let out a few high-pitched giggles.

"You know: For an intimidating and sneaky side, you have a very high-pitched giggle." Logan reacted. Deceit only squealed in reply and continued to curl himself further. "How cruel of me...using such a powerful piece of black magic, for such a simple little reason. kinda makes you regret your previous actions...doesn't it Deceit?" Logan continued to tease.

To try and get his laughter out quicker, Logan tried squeezing his side a little harder!

"You...l-little...SHIT! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! OHOHOHO NOOOHOHOHO!" Deceit yelled, before bursting into loud, high-pitched laughter. Deceit leaned himself against the shelf sideways, smiling widely as he let out his compulsive laughter.

"There we go! That wasn't so hard. Was it?" Logan asked.

"YOHOHOU'RE SOHOHOHO DEHEHEHEAD!" Deceit yelled through his strong and overpowering laughter.

"Ohoho...I'm just getting started! What about these feet, eh?" Logan asked as he brought his wiggly fingers to Deceit's feet. "Are your feet ticklish as well?" Logan asked, switching feet as he tickled.

"NO! NONONONOHOHOHO! LOGAN! PLEHEHEHEHEASE!" Deceit shouted, his laughter getting a little louder.

"Please? I don't understand what you mean by please..." Logan admitted as he switched to the right foot.

"PLEHEHEHEASE NOHOHOHO MOHOHOHORE!" Deceit begged. It was around this moment that Deceit's knees buckled and Deceit's back came sliding down the shelf.

"Oh, alright. I suppose I can give you a break from the feet." Logan compromised and removed his fingers. Deceit happily took the break and tried to replace as much oxygen as he could through his body.

But, Logan wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot.

Before he knew it, Deceit was laughing up a storm! Logan had discovered his ticklish armpits and was lightly teasing them with his fingernails. If that wasn't bad enough, Logan had discovered another bad spot on his body: The back of his ribs!

"EEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA! IHIHIHIT'S SOHOHOHO MUHUHUHUCH! TOHOHOHOHOO MUHUHUHUHUCH! IHIHIHI'M BEHEHEHEHEGIHIHING YOHOHOHOU!" Deceit had begged. Logan was only pushing on the ribs! Logan didn't even wanna KNOW what would happen if he squeezed both sides of his ribs! So, Logan left that part aside for later.

Deceit got stuck in Logan's ticklish wonders for a good 30 minutes. Deceit was completely warn out from all the tickles. Which, how was that fair! Deceit had treated the others really well! Why did HE get the rough tickles?! Well, that's simple:

What goes around, always comes around...ESPECIALLY if it's a snake's doing...

I have been SUPER into voodoo magic as of late...It's so mysterious! So, don't be surprised if any future tickle fics come up, involving the evil little dolls. Thanks for reading!

And Happy Birthday Thomas Sanders! I hope you had a great birthday today!

[nadziejastar]

How do you think the experiments would have impacted Lea? Obviously he wasn't as traumatized as Isa, but no one gets kidnapped and used as a lab rat and comes out unscathed

Roxas: Saïx called her “broken.”

Axel: Hmm… Well, if it cheers you up, I’m probably a lot more broken than her.

Ooh, I love this question. I get to use one of my favorite Axel quotes. Yeah, I definitely agree with you. He’d still be very messed up even if he hadn’t lost his heart. He has a LOT of anger and pain underneath the surface. He lost everything in his life. I’m really disappointed that we never got to see his entire backstory. He’s such an interesting character. I wanted to see how he went form an innocent frisbee playing kid to a remorseless assassin. What did he think the Organization was after when they kidnapped him? Did he think they stole his heart as part of the experiment? I wanted to know how he felt about having his heart stolen and then being asked to build KH to try and get it back…by the people who stole it. That must have been confusing. And did he know how the apprentices lost their hearts, too?

I think that he and Saix plotted to take over the Organization for revenge as well for as their freedom. In the novel, this is what is going through Axel’s mind when he first convinces the Riku Replica to join him.

Given the right memories, the Replica could mimic the powers of the original. Which meant that if he were implanted with somebody else’s memories, he would, hypothetically, gain other powers. Somebody’s—or maybe even a Nobody’s. He had one particular Nobody in mind. All the members of the Organization were still influenced by the memories of their human lives.

This sounds like a subplot that never materialized. I wonder who the Nobody was. Braig or Xemnas? It wasn’t Zexion, because Axel says he’s as good a place to start as any. He was testing the Replica on Zexion. I’m not exactly sure what experiments were done to Axel, but I would guess they are the reason why he can control fire. And there were a lot of Emblem Heartless being manufactured in that basement.

He probably was forced to fight at the very least, as I suspect Isa was. The black cloaks are meant to prevent someone from getting swallowed by darkness. Lea and Isa were wearing them when they were recompleted. This indicates they had things done to them that risked them getting swallowed by darkness.

The Heartless appear in groups, and are multiplying rapidly. I’ve provided them both living and nonliving samples. They’ve responded only to the living. They seem to multiply after absorbing something from the living creatures. Their prey vanishes without a trace.

Not only is he traumatized because of what he personally experienced, but probably also from witnessing what happened to others as well.

Yeah, I know. Our plans. That part won’t change.

This is what Axel is thinking in the novel when talking to Saix. Even though they weren’t really getting along at that point, he said that their plans wont change. He wasn’t doing it for just for Saix. He wanted to take over the Organization as much as Saix did. He only becomes less motivated when he starts growing a heart and enters an existential crisis.

Hearing his old name, Axel glanced up at Saix watching him intently. He remembered being human. Memories surged inside him, crowding the space in his chest. For Nobodies, memory had all the weight of a heart.

I remember. I won’t forget.

I think he’s talking about both his memories of Isa, and his memories of the experiments that took everything away from him. His normal life, his heart, his best friend’s personality, his ability to experience happiness and love. He has a really dark and twisted side to his personality. Which I love. It makes total sense. I think the upside-down tear marks were something he came up with himself. Not Saix. Gang members get the tear-shaped tattoos as a permanent reminder that they’ve killed someone or they’ve had a friend killed and they want revenge. And Axel’s are upside-down. As an assassin, the message being sent is, “Ain’t no tears being shed for you, bitch”. But deep down…I think there are.

“The dirty work doesn’t bother me”, Axel went on. “You just make for the top.”

There was nothing false in that, and he looked at Saix in the eye as he said it.

Since the heart is the seat of your emotions and interpersonal relationships, I think that Axel and Saix probably got along decently during their time in the Organization. They were both single-mindedly focused on revenge. They were less like close friends and more like gang brothers. Loyal, but not close. Axel didn’t have an intimate relationship with Saix. They didn’t have fun together, or laugh. And this didn’t seem to bother Axel too much until he met Roxas.

Zexion had never trusted Axel one bit. In fact, he had never trusted anyone besides the original members of the Organization–those he had once known in the laboratory. But he found two especially untrustworthy: Saix, who had somehow wormed his way into Lord Xemnas’s confidence, and his close acquaintance Axel.

Zexion was just a kid when everything happened. I doubt he had anything to do with the experiments personally.He didn’t seem to have any clue who Axel and Saix were in the novel. Nor did he know Saix was Xehanort’d. He trusted them the least out of anyone, because he could tell how much they hated the apprentices. So if this is how much pleasure he took in eliminating Zexion, I can only wonder what he was imagining doing to Xemnas or Braig.

His title, Flurry of Dancing Flames, is a reference to a dance the god Shiva performed that almost caused the end of the universe because he was so angry after his wife killed herself.  Another weapon, Ifrit, is a death spirit drawn to the life-force or blood of a murdered victim seeking revenge on the murderer. He might not have known the whole story on Isa, but as soon as they woke up after turning into Nobodies, he obviously would have noticed that he had a giant scar on his face. I’m sure he was beyond pissed when he saw that. I wish I could see how furious he’d be if he knew the entire truth.

Sora: What are you— What ARE you people?!

Axel: Hm… Don’t know. I wonder about that myself.

I really wonder how he would have acted around Even in DDD. I think they kept him and Dilan away from Lea for a reason. He absolutely revels in Vexen’s death. To Axel, Vexen is a symbol of all that was taken away from him. In the novels, he feels kinda bad destroying Dusks because they are fellow Nobodies. Yet he never, ever shows remorse for taking out Vexen or Zexion. He detests the Organization. But at the same time, he recognizes that he isn’t naturally like this. That he’s warped. Broken. This isn’t the person he wanted to be. He’s changed into someone else because of everything he’s been through. He remembers being different. I think that’s why he never really hates Saix, either. He assumes he’s just warped, like he is.

Axel: Most kids spend summer vacation just goofing off with their friends. They save the homework till the end and then help each other finish it.

Roxas: That sounds fun, I guess.

Axel: Yeah. I hadn’t really thought about it much since becoming a Nobody. So how’d you spend the day?

Axel: Hey, I’m not about to tell you ALL my dark secrets. Got it memorized? I bet you keep a thing or two from me.

Axel admits he hadn’t thought of his normal life too much since becoming a Nobody. He’s had other things on his mind, obviously. He jokes about having dark secrets after sleeping the entire day away. I think the experiments are another reason why he says that memories are just baggage that have never done him any good.

He won’t allow anyone to get too close to him. He never really confides in anyone. Ever. Not even Roxas. He keeps an emotional distance with everyone at all times. Even when Axel says dark things, like he’ll never get to experience love, Roxas doesn’t pick up on anything wrong or ask him about it. He is too naive to tell that he’s got lots of baggage. Not his fault, but it is what it is. Not that Axel would want to talk about it anyways, but still… he always puts on a smile to hide his pain. Always. Even his closest friends had no idea how much he was suffering. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even after he begins to grow a heart, he still kidnaps Kairi. He even does the iconic hand reach of darkness. He feels bad about this later, but he’s so lonely and miserable at that point, he doesn’t care about morality. Morals didn’t exist in the Organization. You didn’t survive that way. In the novel, Axel and Kairi have this exchange which I absolutely loved.

Kairi looked up at him. “Aren’t you…a bad guy?”

“I’m not,” Axel replied, completely serious. “But not really a good guy, either.”

“This doggy likes you, though,” she pointed out.

Axel dropped his gaze, and indeed, Pluto was right there with his tail whipping back and forth.

“Just because dogs like someone doesn’t mean they’re a good person, y’know. Got it memorized?”

I swear, Pluto LOVES Axel in the novels. I almost think they must have met before or something. I also love it because Axel’s main weapon, Eternal Flames, is actually shaped like the symbol for Aleister Crowley’s Chaos magic.

Chaos is neither good nor evil, but both and neither at once. It cannot be controlled; not even by itself. It promotes freedom of choice, thought, and action above all else, even if this leads the world into a primal state of vice and survival of the fittest. Chaos refuses any limitations placed on it. I love how his weapons are so different from Saix’s. Ironically Saix’s are named after benevolent female goddesses and such. Axel’s are the ones who are much darker. You’ve got the lance of Mars, the Roman god of war.

Then there’s the Fuma Shuriken with the Recusant’s Sigil right in the middle. This is the Mystery Gear weapon that’s supposed to represent his true personality. A recusant is someone who refuses to submit to authority. If anyone is a recusant, it is Axel. He’d wear that “X” proudly. Fuma Shuriken was a weapon said to be wielded by the leader of the Fuma clan. The Fuma Clan were a group of outlaw ninjas, especially skilled at night raids and other sorts of sneaky surprise attacks. They were extremely strong, extremely deadly, and had a reputation for pretty much having no morals whatsoever. They would slash enemies in the back, set entire villages on fire, and resort to all sorts of violent and non-violent trickery. They were also said to be experts at the use of fire and smoke – including the smoke-shield practice. In a folk legend, the leader is often depicted as an inhuman figure: a supposedly part-oni, monstrous giant with inverted eyes.

I loved how awkward his conversation with Ienzo was in DDD when he is looking for Isa. It’s even funnier when you hear that scene in Japanese because he sounded so impatient, like, “yeah yeah, shut up already with your long explanations, no one cares. Where’s Isa so I can leave this shithole already?” I’m so mad we didn’t get to see him confront the apprentices. I wanted to see him get mad. Something similar to when Roxas smashed up all of the computers. THAT level of rage. He needed to heal from his past, too. And the first step would be to face it head on and be angry.

I don’t think Axel truly got to heal from his pain in the story, either. He and Isa needed to heal each other. Axel immediately went to being perfectly okay after DDD. But I definitely don’t think he would be. He still needed closure. He needed to get angry at Saix to truly grieve the loss of Isa. And he needed to get angry at Xion when she tried to destroy herself. For himself. To acknowledge his own pain that he always minimizes or tries to hide. It felt like the writers forgot all about Axel’s pain and darkness in KH3.

Goofy: Gawrsh, Lea sure hurried back to Radiant Garden

At the end of DDD, after he saw that Isa had become a vessel, Goofy says Lea hurried back to Radiant Garden. I was so sure that he was going to confront the apprentices and finally learn what happened with Isa. He saw how vessels are made after rescuing Sora. He knew they were made by breaking the person’s soul and having Xehanort’s heart forcibly put into them. He knew Saix had yellow eyes and pointy ears. God, it blew my mind that he never seemed to suspect that Isa might have had the same thing done to him. Never in a million years was I expecting to learn in KH3 that Lea and Isa were “apprentices” all along, and Isa just chose to stay with them because he wanted to get stronger. Um, yeah right.

The longer you know someone, the less you need to speak in clear terms. Everything gets across with a wink and a nudge, a little reading between the lines…When it comes to what befell our late comrades at Castle Oblivion, ambiguity suits me just fine. But the Keyblade master and Roxas come out and say every little thing that comes to mind. Maybe that’s human, or maybe they’re just special.

But in addition to anger, I think he forgot what it felt like to have positive feelings at all. That’s why Roxas was so important to him. He made him remember what being whole felt like. And he also looked like Ventus, so he brought back all sorts of memories from when he was young. There was a time, long ago, when he was just like Roxas.

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

From this you can tell that he didn’t always mind talking to Saix. But after spending time with Roxas and Xion, he starts to grow a heart, and then he remembers how genuine friendship felt. He’s sick of living like this. Like a criminal. He wants to eat ice cream and laugh about stupid stuff…And he starts missing Isa. And he can’t stand to be around Saix anymore, since hes nothing like Isa. The chasm between past and present is just too great. 

What were you really after, Lea? We joined the Organization at the same time, and formulated our plan. At this point, it’s just an idle fantasy. Everything changed. You, and me.

Saix says that Axel has changed. He used to be a lot more cold and brutal. Saix says he’s changed as well. I think it’s because he has Isa’s memories, so he can remember what Isa was like. And even he knows that he isn’t like Isa. I thought that was interesting. That he had that level of self-awareness. It must have been confusing to him, too. How different he used to be.

Roxas doesn’t trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can’t tell him the truth yet. So I keep lying. It’s no big deal when you’re a Nobody. There’s no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him? All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity.

Axel isn’t used to feeling guilt when he lies. He forgot what that felt like, so it surprises him when he feels it. But he can’t imagine it’s anything more than an illusion…

“You know, I’ve been thinking about something Naminé said. Roxas, are you really sure that you don’t have a heart? Is it possible that we ALL have one? You, me, her… Or is that just wishful thinking?”

…Just wishful thinking. It’s too scary to hope for anything more.

Riku Replica was just a tool, but I can’t just use Xion. No, I was wrong to have just used Riku Replica in the first place. How is a man-made puppet any less worthy than a Nobody that was never meant to exist at all? They’re both ambiguous. Tenuous at best.

Even when he does start to feel emotion again, he is confronted with overwhelming despair. He doesn’t even view himself as human. When he’s revived in DDD, he says hes “human again”. As a Nobody he sees himself as sub-human. On the same level as a Replica. When he disappears, he tells Roxas they’ll meet again in the next life. But he really didn’t believe he had one. I don’t think this outlook is just the result of losing his heart. I think it all started with losing his faith in humanity after the experiments were done to him. He sees Roxas as pure and innocent; something he no longer is. To Axel, Roxas is more worthy of humanity than he is. Honestly, he gets even more cynical after he starts to grow a heart again. That’s when he can feel the brunt of his trauma with full force, unlike before.

He had never apologized to anyone before. Or thanked anyone, either. Without a heart, there was never any need. If he had no heart, did it mean anything to say he was lonely, or sorry, or grateful? The words couldn’t be heartfelt, when there was no heart to feel them. But even that word, painful—what could it possibly mean for someone with no heart?

This whole passage from the novel shows how he views himself. He’s ashamed of himself. He knows it’s abnormal to lack emotion. Humans aren’t supposed to be like that. He’s broken. He invalidates his own feelings because he thinks he’s not worthy of having them in his condition.

Axel stretched his neck and munched on his ice cream.

“You know, I don’t mind disappearing.”

Namine’s breath caught.

Riku stared at him.

“Roxas is gone. When we bring Kairi here, Namine will be gone, too. Same for me,” he said, as if he were discussing the weather, and then punctuated his comment with another bite of sea-salt ice cream.

“We don’t disappear…We’re only reborn,” Namine murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I‘m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly, his hand holding his ice pop stick in midair.

“But—But you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Namine tried to say something and failed.

Nobodies aren’t supposed to exist. Nobodies don’t have hearts, so they can’t feel anything.

I really love how much extra characterization the novels give. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he says he can’t feel anything. Or ironically, maybe he just wishes he didn’t. Maybe he forgot that having a heart can make you feel more profound pain, just as it can make you feel fulfilled. And he mistakes that emptiness for heartlessness.

Then someone else spoke behind him. ”I’ve been waiting for you Axel.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d show up.” His smirk turned nastier as he turned to see Saix. He didn’t take his eyes off the other man as he spoke to the girl in the cage. “Listen, Kairi! Trust me. I’m going to get you out!”

Behind him the portal closed.

“What are you saying…? Vile traitor! The great Claymore took shape at Saix’s back. Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear…But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

What does he even have left? Roxas forgot about him and disappeared. Isa forgot about him a long time ago (he thinks). And now he’s trying to kill him. If he wants to live, he might have to try and kill Isa now. He said he wanted to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku have. But now? He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad to disappear. He puts on a “nasty smirk” when Saix comes. Just like when he disappeared with Sora, he still put on a smile to hide his pain. Like, wow. That is SO sad. It’s why I the LOVE the fact that his Keyblade is Phoenix-themed. The glorious rebirth from the ashes of death. Both for him and Isa. Yeah, I think the experiments had a devastating effect on Lea that the story didn’t provide any closure to at all.