#but i fear i'd be saying too much .....
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ladeldee · 1 year ago
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!!! I just think they'd be great company to each other and would love to see them hang out sometime, ah maybe one day.
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caligvlasaqvarivm · 5 months ago
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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moregraceful · 8 days ago
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it was once observed by a dear friend that the hours in which i am most alert are like 7pm to 2am which probably explains a lot about how my posts get worse throughout the evening. but also sometimes i look at today where i was just sort of gnawing the couch all day until about 5pm when i wrote an entire fic in two hours and then another entire post about kaapo which to be clear took another two hours bc i had to chase links and explain my passions in a kind way and this was in addition to a church meeting. i would excel as the person who lights and then extinguishes lamps in the night
#this morning my therapist was like your eyes are red what's going on#and i said bro i am not on drugs. it is cold and dry in my apartment and i was standing in front of a sad lamp#and they said ah. a sun lamp. i see#YES. BC I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON AND I AM BEING PUNISHED BY CAPITALISM TO GO TO THERAPY AT 10 IN THE MORNING#INSTEAD OF 6PM WHEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO HOLD A CONVERSATION BETTER#i think they think i am abusing substances. human the reason i am the way i am bc i am not abusing substances#i am rawdogging reality in almost every way and i HATE it. i am experiencing a full of range of emotions in real life!!#one good thing about today i must say. i looked in the mirror and went oh wow my california hair stylist did a good job!#my california hair stylist was good at cutting my hair in that she was filipina and understood how to cut filipino hair#she was not good at cutting my hair in that she would get too deep in explaining warriors drama and get distracted while cutting my hair#and up doing something absolutely wacko that made me look like a pepe frog guy bc she was too amped up about klay and steph#and then i'd be stuck with fucking alt right hair for a good three weeks and my only saving grace is how i look ambiguously ethnic#BUT when i saw her last i was like i need you to give me a haircut where if i can't get my hair cut for four months i don't#look stupid as hell. and she said oh yeah i can do that. and gave me a blow by blow of klay and steph's divorce while cutting my hair#and i was fearing for my life. but now that it has grown out pretty significantly i will say she did a very good job of cutting it#unlike every other time i grew out my hair in a big way and it looked incredibly stupid for several months until it evened out#but she cut it so it looks like my hair is on purpose. which i appreciate!#now i have more time to decide if i want to avenge bo bichette and grow out my hair again#without feeling stressed about looking incredible stupid and unkempt#thank you nicole...a true ally...i will never forget how much you hate kevin durant even though you stressed me out so bad...#and you may be wondering why if she gave me that many bad hair cuts why i'd keep going to her#and the answer is: bc i only want my warriors and 49ers news to be reported by an energetic filipina lesbian holding razor on my neck#and unfortunately the local newspaper beats just can't replicate that experience#fresno oilers.txt
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friday-answers · 2 months ago
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the thing about me that i will say though, is that... i've never really thought about my pronouns, nor my gender really, i've just went with what i was referred to as i grew up because it never felt wrong at all, and it still doesn't.
but, with creating universe friday and being this anonymous... blob who could be anyone, look like anyone, sound like anyone, being referred to as the 'creator' and with they/them pronouns...
made me realise in a really weird way that i kinda fuck with that. but not entirely they/them pronouns on me, myself (at least not in a way i would push to be referred to as) but when people don't know me.
when people hear my name or a description of me and automatically call me by a 'gendered' pronoun i kind of hate it. not repulsed by it, but in a way that i almost want to be truly anonymous to anyone before they've met me. or even until i'm a lil closer to them. like i wanna be referred to as 'they' in the way you say, "who are they?" when you ask about someone who's gender you know nothing of. anonymity.
idk. there's just something that just feels so right about not being known and being allowed to pretty much have no gender or appearance. i fear this blog is teaching me more about myself than i ever would've expected Erm...
but also i feel like this happens every time the weather gets colder. does seasonal gender exist??? it does now. i just decided.
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b-blushes · 5 months ago
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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madsway · 2 months ago
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now that i've taken in the entire show and am about to rewatch simply because i can............... i'm so pissed that dave erickson got fired because damn........
#i just think that s4 would have been insane.#i presume frank still would have wanted off the show and so naturally that chasm dave built between maddie and nick would've been... yea#idk- i think it would've been good tv. maybe. he doesn't talk too much on it but he says enough to give an impression.#i'm also inherently biased because he also said madison was the one character he saw making it all the way to the series finale#which ultimately. she does. but the story would have been much different for her. she would've felt More Madison#additionally.. of course there are characters born from the switch of writers that i'm glad we got and may otherwise have not got but....#i'd pay a pretty penny to have been able to see what dave had in store for the characters we had with us at the end of s3.#and to see what he would have done with 3b had he not wanted to wrap up certain loose ends of his creation before his departure.#the first 3 seasons of fear are the best ones. imo. for so many reasons. which i think had a lot to do with dave.#he separated ftwd from twd in big ways that i'm not going to get into but so much got jammed in s4-s8 that. it felt like the new writers#were mostly trying to pay homage to twd than to the characters and the story lines that made fear what it was. y'know.#the entire tone seemed to shift in the show. they subjected it to all the crazy time jumps. etc etc etc. which works in some ways on twd bu#they didn't do the same service to ftwd.#maybe that's just me.#dave Got the vision.#and i think it would've been really beautiful to get to see him ride it out (even if for another season or two)
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quaranmine · 9 months ago
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random firewatch au detail that has basically no impact on the story unless you want to psychoanalyze fw!grian even further than i did as the author, but it's very intentional that i always refer to both of mumbo's parents but only grian's mom. did i give him daddy issues? i guess so, but not in a way where i really deeply examined the implications as meaningful to the story. it was just a detail i stuck with from the beginning as a way to keep fleshing out the story's background subtly. the idea behind grian's dual citizenship was always that he was born in america to an american dad and british mom, and that his mom moved back to the UK when he was very young since she wanted to be closer to her family. perhaps his dad didn't go with them? or perhaps his dad did, and then later they split and he went back to america? whatever the cause, grian never even mentions his dad in the story, and it wasn't because i intended him to be dead (because that would have come up in a story about grief) if you get me
#i have no idea why but i normally HATE thinking about cubitos' parents in like. normal mcyt settings sjlfjslkfjs#if i'm writing a hermitcraft-setting fic i'd rather have them all just spawn into the world fully formed than dealing with their parents LO#but in a real-world au it made more sense for the characters to mention their parents occasionally#i just similarly didn't spend TOO much time worrying about it because it was not really the focus#everybody's relationships with their family is a bit less important here than their relationships with their Friends here you know?#i also think that ivi inspired this a little because somewhere early in the fic she was like hey what Made grian react to things like this?#like what experiences in his life primed him to react like This to the story events?#i was like. oh yeah.#cause i normally approach writing grian from the perspective of watcher!grian#but normally him on hermitcraft or life series AFTER he escaped them and it's more of an old trauma that informs his present actions#with firewatch au there is like....none of that pretext. there's no context that he might have had other trauma in life?#but i WAS writing him like that. out of habit. and i'm not saying he DID have prexisting trauma in firewatch au#that's very much something i haven't bothered to flesh out because it's in the zone of things where my time was better spent elsewhere#but i will say i think i only starting doing the one parent detail AFTER ivi mentioned this lmao#i mean. if the guy's got abandonment issues it probably explains a lotttt of his fear of giving up on Mumbo. just sayin'#hc_firewatch_au
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13eyond13 · 9 months ago
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one of the lesser talked about fun things about intentionally reading more books is finding new stuff to be a bit of a hater about tbh
#and i know sometimes im probably just not properly picking up whatever the writer is putting down but whatever it's still fun#to actually know what you think about stuff like the highly regarded classics and extremely popular hyped up things#here are a few writers im a bit of a hater about w my opinions now btw#neil gaiman: does not do it for me at alllll#have read the graveyard book and american gods and hated almost every minute of both#in american gods i just found the aesthetic ideas and characters completely unappealing and in the graveyard book#i thought it was dreary and not well described enough... kept feeling like it was too bare bones in some way to picture things properly#i was like 'hmm i wish this was one of his graphic novels instead bc i'd like to be able to see what's going on here a bit better...'#also his humour just never lands for me and i do not often get his references either#ray bradbury annoys me in a similar way to neil gaiman but also somewhat oppositely like where#the way they write characters and plots and ideas and the stuff they care about gets on my nerves in an almost identical way#that i don't know how to define except to say i had a bit of a 'same energy' experience reading Something Wicked This Way Comes#and some of neil gaiman's stuff#but unlike neil gaiman i think that ray bradbury attempts to describe things unusually so much and TOO much#to the point that it takes me out of the story in a different yet similar way#to how the lack of description in neil gaiman's stuff does#what else have i become a bit of a hater about or did not get the appeal of lately? hmmm#oh hp lovecraft hahahaha#least scary stories ever god everything he's scared of is so dumb#like even aside from his extremely racist takes and fear of the 'exotic other' his fears about being cosmically insignificant are just like#yeah and? whats so scary about that hahaha i literally just dont get it#also the amount he writes dialogue in heavy accents annoys the shit out of me#p
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mariocki · 2 months ago
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Shadows of Fear: Did You Lock Up? (1.1, Thames, 1970)
"And they didn't make much mess?"
"No, not really. They forced that door. Smashed the cabinet, slashed a sofa. And kicked a hole in the bedroom door."
"Ah. Big mistake."
"What is?"
"Never lock inside doors. Anything you can to keep them out - but when they're in, let 'em get on with it."
"I'll remember."
#shadows of fear#single play#roger marshall#1970#classic tv#thames#kim mills#michael craig#gwen watford#ray smith#mark mcmanus#malcolm kaye#charles leno#having come to something of a premature pause in my New Scotland Yard watch (the first ep of series 3 isn't on the YT playlist I've been#using and is proving quite tricky to get ahold of) i thought I'd revisit this brief lived anthology series for the creepy season. i first#watched this about 10 years ago and my memories of it are scant to say the least‚ so it seemed like good viewing for the season#the production history of SoF is lost in the mists of time (unless someone out there wishes to enlighten me?); this first episode was shown#in June of 1970‚ but the rest didn't follow until January of the following year; probably this acted as a sort of pilot to gauge viewer#reactions to another vaguely horrorish anthology series (the previous decade had been ripe with them‚ tho we rarely see their like today)#and then there's the odd case of the final ep‚ shown almost 2 years after the series ended and running to half the length (and generally#feeling like an entirely different format) but I'll come to that when (and if) i get to the episode itself. this debut ep is... well it's#fine. i was excited to see Marshall's name in the opening credits‚ one of the most dependable of old tv writers and I'd quite forgotten he#contributed to this show. but the issue here is simply one of length. the plot is solid‚ a suitably grotty little tale of a family man's#mounting obsession with the burglars who broke into his home. it would make a good ep of Tales of Unease (shortly to begin on Thames'#sister broadcaster LWT) or a few years later as an episode of Tales of the Unexpected; both being 25 minute shows. but this clocks in at#close to 50 mins and there isn't really enough to it to sustain that longer running time‚ leaving it feeling a little stretched thin and#flimsy. a shame‚ because Craig and Watford are putting in excellent performances as the middle class couple whose reactions to the burglary#slowly shift as time passes (he goes from prosaic acceptance to fixated malice‚ she from shocked indignation to making peace with it all)#no big surprises in where the play is headed or how it plays out‚ but that's often the case with these things; it's often just as much#about the horrible foreknowledge of what must come than some shocking twist‚ and this plays it about right. it's just too long is all.
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morsobaby · 1 year ago
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that's actually the jakobs corporation's logo! which is a cross section of a revolver barrel :3
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That is very cool!!!! You're just doing interesting stuff with your fanart here and I admire it. You're having a time :]
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dogearedheart · 5 months ago
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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reticent-fate · 7 months ago
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okay after a week of working on it i am kind of tempted to post my otherkin hrt comic
the only issue is it is.
a lot of pages.
(we sketched out 72 pages last weekend and added about 14 more over the last two days. the first 3-4 parts are lined and colored... out of 24.)
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pankomako · 10 months ago
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i tend to feel kind of weird about knowing specific things about how boat behaves but then i hear him describe a specific behavior of one of his close friends and im like ah okay it's not so bad then. im reassured
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monstermoviedean · 1 year ago
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thanks for being nice to me <3
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panb1mbo · 1 year ago
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what do you mean i can't immediately be great at everything all the time?
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astrxealis · 2 years ago
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sometimes i randomly remember the time i was swimming as a kid and it was by the big pool but near the edge and the uhh entrance of the pool anyways i almost drowned and so i grabbed lune to live and almost drowned her. good times
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#the adults... were not there..... i mean they kinda were but did they really just look at us and think 'oh nothing's happening' and look#away :(( mom had to save us and it broke her phone bcs she forgot to remove it from her pocket and she still took so long raghhh !!#anyways i think that's what caused my extreme fear of drowning. it's funny i love the water so much yet fear it too#WE HAD TO WRITE ONCE about an experience where God Saved Us sorry religious school (SOBBING... <//3)#i did this. when i almost drowned (my twin too). uh. what was i going to say about this i forgot anyway#idk i have always had a very yeah imagination... sometimes thought about a plane landing down in the middle of a flight over the ocean#and it would really scare me thinking about the process (i think it was bcs i was a curious kid. even now but yeah. and i liked looking#at the papers and all during planes! love plane rides tbh tho i have a deathly fear of dying there too WHAGBJSHDB) it also didn't help#btw that yeah vivid imagination so i'd imagine it and it was worse than it would actually be tbh... maybe bcs i only really had those pics#+ watching the titanic + kid imagination to imagine how it would be like. i doubt now a shark would come if ever that happened tbh#also yk i love sharks they're so cute actually i love marine animals sooo much and sorry i should eat and do homeowrk i keep gettin#SIDETRAcked uhh i REALLY don't want to do my homework sobbing but at 5-6 i'll be busy and i don't want to cram and god i have sm to do
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