#but i dont have the time to do that either. i have to hang out with my boyfriend and go to my moms house and help out my grandma
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tell me about your headcanons about the cultural differences between layers plss
- your favourite sister ever
takes a deep deep deep breath. hello niki. my beloved sister. my favoritest sister ever.
the noob layer (before the evil champion)
very very community oriented
block parties (get it) are really popular!!
a lot of sharing and stuff going on
music!! music is a really big thing!!
accent sounds a bit like theyre singing, almost like theyre dancing with words!! they dont pronounce their vowels fully!!
the noob layer (after the evil champion)
community??? no chance, everyone dies before you get to even know their name (which is why evbo never bothers asking anyone)
really the only sharing they do is when someone is sick or theres a child and occasionally family units share food
cannibalism. yeah. its normal for people to go insane, the noobs probably refer to it as some kind of curse or something bc thats fun
the pro layer (before the evil champion)
everyones neighbors!! less community oriented than the noob layer
more focused on helping each other get better!! regularly helping each other learn fun new parkour things
their accent is kinda like. how do i explain this. their voices tend to be softer and tbh i wanna say they sound like a weird mix of southern and british. dont ask questions.
i dont have much for the pro layer if yall have fun things hand 'em over
the pro layer (after the evil champion)
music is HUGE here between moral boosting events and also playing songs for parkour !!
community oriented but more in the way where family units stick together and everyone else is like. a coworker. like you might be friends and occasionally you might get close with someone but like. ehhhhh
mostly just like. yeah i work in the same general area as this guy
the fighter later (before they were banished)
this layer has the most people because its so hard to rank up so its the one with the most stuff going on!!
libraries!! this is the layer of scholars and shit!!
theres so many people here that the masters come down and hang out here a lot too!!
this is where everyone learns things, theres no schools on the other layers because everyone has the chance to rank up !!
this ones just fun, its got a mix of everything because its the most populated \o/
they have a fun accent i think, tbh i wanna say its similar to new york? idk
the fighter layer (after the banishment)
devoid of basically everything that made it what it was
the most sparsely populated now
everyone is hostile as fuck, by the point we see it in canon everything's been combed over tens of hundreds of times so if someone sees someone else its safe to assume one of them is getting mugged
unless its a seawatt situation but whatever
some bonds still remain and theyre as strong as ever now
everyone either has fashioned masks out of their clothes or just has the most fucked up throat from the frequent sandstorms.
the master layer (before the evil champion)
not much going on up here!! they normally hang out on the fighter layer
huuuuuge showoffs but like in a fun way!! performances!!! wow!!!
theyve got a bit of twang in their voice i think bc yes.
the master layer (after the evil champion)
showoffs but in a bad way
big on spreading rumors
really reclusive, never visit lower levels or each other
battling is common for any reason, the more people youve defeated in a battle the higher up you are on the social ladder
ok heres some!! i hope u like it it took me like 45 minutes to write all this bc i kept getting distracted
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when ppl are like "do u know ppl of x minority that ur still in contact with" as a gotcha ig to say ur not actually as open and progressive as you say you are but bud... i dont talk to anyone from my past, lmao, I dont think thats a fair metric to go by quite frankly
#no i dont talk to that person anymore. just like i dont talk to any of the privileged ppl i knew anymore either lmao#i kinda cut everyone off bc apparently ppl in my state just have a hard on for being judgemental assholes all the time and im tired of it#i thought maybe it was me but i hear from ppl who arent from here all the time that ppl are way more weird and cliquey here#and its hard to make friends so. i feel less bad now lmao.#i thought i was crazy but no im seeing reality perfectly clearly. ppl just are super cliquey here for no reason#and anyone who strays from the status quo in any capacity must be Shunned and Condemned for being Wiyuurrd#the more right leaning types dont try to hide it. but the progressive try to cloak their disgust and uncomfortability with people#being different with a bunch of excuses. literally making shit up about me to justify hating me so they can still feel progressive#while hating and making fun of me in an explicitly rw way#like. acting like kiwifarms people out here being fucking strategic n shit pretending to like me so they can make fun of me type shit like#you look like a nazi dawg lmao.#you make me feel like hanging out with my brothers friends- who definitely leaned a bit to the right- is more ideal bc at least they're#fucking out in the open and honest about making fun of me bc they think im weird. yall are too cowardly to just own up to it.#'n-no i swear its because he did [thing i either did but it didnt go down the way they said or something they made up]! i swear im not#just making shit up just to make fun of him !!!!!!! i promie!!!!'#i literally cut off all my hair bc of taking 'lsd' from those same brothers friends bc i went fucking crazy basically (trying to emphasize#how low the bar is that id rather hang out with these dudes than the more left leaning ppl i knew) and people assumed i did it bc some girl#who had or died of cancer that i never even fucking heard before??? like idk. ig they thought i was trying to be insulting or smthn????#i didnt even know who this chick was and it was my first time hearing about her when ppl told me someone spread that rumor.#bitch i was sitting in my bathroom for hours having weird discussions in myself and basically fighting between my real self#and what felt like an external force of all the judgements ppl have made about me manifest into one being (zero) trying to convince me#i couldnt be me and i felt like he possessed me to cut off all my hair and i heard him say 'THIS ISNT YOUR REAL HAIR!!!'#since it was dyed at the time and i was embracing being trans and embracing being my true self but something about that 'trip'#fucked me up and detrans and it had a lot to do w another trip i had w those same brothers friends making me feel inadequate.#i dont know who da fuck you were talking about bitch im living in a nightmare over here can we talk about that instead of whatever tf#you're going on about and making up to justify hating me and ignoring my suffering?
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i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will
i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up
we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.
and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response
#[static]#he tells me 'kid im gonna change i miss you i love you we need to hang out more im sorry that i wasnt around'#and then when we try and make plans it's like pulling teeth to get him to follow through#and sure there's been a couple of times in my life where ive had to back out of plans with him but like .....#we're talking less times than i have fingers on one hand in 30 years lol meanwhile he disappears for years without a word regularly#i thought we got somewhere last year when i decided to reach out after i stopped talking to him#we're both adults and we're busy but i somehow manage to have regular scheduled dnd games with 4 other adults twice a month#and i cant get my biological father who claims to want to know me reply to a message#and i know i know i know he's got his own demons and battles but i s2g it's just Frustrating because i dont know what he wants from me#i dont fuck with indecision and i dont like not knowing where i stand with someone#i know that he wont reach out to people in hopes they 'care enough' about him to do it#but like dude .......... SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME TOO WTF#i want to be unendingly compassionate to him since he's gotta figure out what he's gonna do regarding his throat cancer#but like ..... what am i supposed to do with this lmao he saw my message and didn't reply and maybe he's busy#but he also didnt reply to any of my other messages asking to make time to see each other#but then he called me this summer to see if i was in town when he was there (and i wasn't and it was out of the blue)#he also posted a lowkey transphobic comedy sketch on his page which is weird because that's not really his politics but also he's old#and i can just hear exactly what he'd say about it if i tried to even bring it up to him ever#idk what he wants from me but i sometimes think even he doesn't know#i think we missed our time to mend things into something that makes sense#anyways sorry for the vent into the void i just got new information and dealing with stuff about my dad is always difficult#i have rarely felt wanted by him and have never felt seen for who i am either
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guhhh
#I NEEEEDDDD attention and acknowledgment from every1 i consider a friend or i fucking die!!! dont let me die!!!!!#i will never actually vocalize that however. because it is entirely unreasonable of me and i should be content to sit in the background#they r busy. they do not have time for my stupid shit. they would b better off talking to their other friends anyways#the pain of not having friendship decay but also having a burning need for attention and interaction at the same time. sigh#*sudden realization i dont believe any of my needs or wants matter and am always asking too much/being inconvenient*#i mean am i truly wrong though. it doesnt matter what i want#that is what i have been taught. doesnt matter if i want help. or care. or attention. or to not go to college. or to hang out.#yk its really fucked up. to have both angry outbursts AND making yourself as small and unobtrusive as possible#worst of both worlds#trust me i dont like how i react either. my heart is too damn squishy even after all the shit that's happened that shouldve toughened it up#i literally should not care being in the background is all i have ever known. and yet.#and yet he dreams. a foolish dream. a dream where his presence and wants and needs mattered and people wanted to hear them.#toxi.txt
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dudes ive hit a point with The Horrors:tm: where im unable to convince myself that any of my friends actually like me
#vent#it's like. i think im a pretty solid guy#my negative traits dont define my view of myself etc#i understand that if someone doesnt ike me it doesnt mean im horible etc#but like. i am unable to believe that anyone wants to be around me#even if someone explicitly says they want to talk to me/want to hang out/enjoy my presence#im like hmm. well. sounds fake.#and again it's not like i think im an unlovable piece of shit or something#i just dont think anyone is being honest with me#like i rarely notice hints or subtext or passive aggression when people talk to me#but im simultaneously excessively sensitive and will be like 'wait do they hate me now' if someone sends like an all lowercase one word tex#because it's like. oh no what if they actually ARE hinting that they dont like me. etc#most of the time when i get 'god shut the fuck up' vibes theres not actually anything wrong#BUT because theres been so many times that i MISSED the 'god shut the fuck up' vibes#i automatically assume everyone is mad at me/doesnt like me/doesnt want t talk.#even trying to say 'usually im wrong about people being mad' is extremely difficult#bc im like. fully convinced ive been right every time#and that everyone has just been lying t me#this has been a thing since like. age 14+ for me#but lately it's gotten worse#and like im scared to even dm a friend a meme because they might be mad (they literally sent me a song rec earlier. i have no reason to#assume theyre mad. except when i got the messages i was like 'oh no what if this has a hidden meaning')#it's one of those things where like. my anxiety medication works really well#but this is the flavor of anxiety thats inspired by past experiences#s even if i try to tell myself there arent any signs that theyre mad/annoyed/whatever#i immediately think 'but ive been wrong before.'#and then that same loop stops me from asking. because asking either annoys people or they lie to me about it#idk idk idk im tired#even if i did ask i wouldnt believe any answer other than 'yes im mad/annoyed/whatever'#including if they add 'i just need to be alone right now' or 'yes but not at you' or 'yes and i need to cool off'
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I used to midly and aimlessly worry in that way one does that I rarely ever watch movies any more because my attention snap is too shot but I've recently realised that my attention span is fine, I'm just one of those snobs who prefers live theatre to film.
#i see about one movie every six months#and one live play every other week LOL#i was telling this new hire that i dont watch much tv either and she asked what do you with your time then??#and i realiaed the answer is that (other than hanging out with friends) I write i hike and go on long walks#i go to art museums and watch theatre#is this who i have become hah
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i have such trouble making normal friendships
#i either cant connect to people properly (autism) and so the friendship fizzles out#or i have no energy to reply / hang out so it fizzles out#or it's weirdly homoerotic which always ends in disaster. or me finding the love of my life (that only happened one time though)#i am a Taken Woman so id rather Not have any other friends that randomly catch feelings for me#im a massive introvert but i still want a close circle of friends#but im also in my twenties#didnt go to uni so i dont have uni friends and i dont go out a fuckton now so it's just like. Shrugs no friends it is#i dont really feel like im missing out though but that is most likely because i have a wonderful girlfriend who's my best friend and#not enough money/time to go out and do things etc. hopefully when i do have those things i can make some friends#but they weren't lying it really is harder as you age esp if you're an introvert#valentina talks
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.
#so tired of my friend's bum ass partner getting in the way of things#dude is hella controlling and makes every room so awkward i cant stand it and acts like their grown ass needs my friend to do anything#we'll be hanging out at his place and hell be like#gotta go my partner wants to go to sleep and he needs me to do it#apparently#he never wants to end the hangout either it's always this person's decision#partner is lame as fuck too i seriously cant fathom what he sees in them#and every time we're chilling you better believe snapchat is open and they're talking#like BROOO LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD#IM MARRIED AND UR ACTINGLIKE THIS!!! LET THE BOY HAVE FUN OUTSIDE OF YOUR PRESENCE#like you LIVE togther you do not have to be attached at the messaging app like this#and rescheduling to do chores together is wild#it would be cute if this didn't happen every single time#and it's not cute because the partner is still controlling every second of his time#HERES THE THING HES WANTED A PROPOSAL#BUT THIS FUCK WONT PROPOSE#AND DOESNT WANT KIDS#BUT WONT BREAK UP WITH MY FRIEND WHO WANTS CHILDREN AND AND PROPOSAL#LIKE FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFFF#and they're open and every time another person joins he's talkig to me about how the partner pays wayyy more attention to the other one#AHHHHHHHHHHHH#BREAK UP#THEY DONT CARE ABOUT YOU#oh my god#hes coming over without partner and staying the night so we can talk without this bum over his shoulder#they're a cheater too#but it was onlyfans so it “isnt as bad”#the onlyfans of someone they both. know.#im pissed bruh#they just renewed their lease together too
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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Being an older sister in a dysfunctional family living separately from the parent who is raising the kid is like actually being subjected to all circles of hell whenever you think about family too hard
#i want to be a good sister but i have absoutely no time i dont know when they want me around either because they wont call#and i mean. the kid is half a year old already. fuck#i want to help!!! i want to go hang out!! i want the sort of family my peers have!!#its 12th year i need to study so much and they dont live in the same city as i do.#i have to take the bus back home and then keep going from there to another city if i want to visit#last time my father spoke to me it was a text on my birthday asking if im home. when i said no he didnt even respond#last 2 times i visited them it was me initiating despite him promising he'd also call more#i dont feel like he actually wants me around. thats fucking stupid but like the guy has a baby now why would he need a grown ass adult kid#before she was born i wouldnt have give a fuck honestly cause he sucks. but combined with the fact that again i wanna be involved.#and im worried about his parenting bc he 'parented' me so hard im an avid tumblr user now#im certainly in a mental state today bc ive been thinking about this since i heard a baby make cute baby noises on the bus today.... :(
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🍪🥛
#out of sight out of mind....#im not gonna check his blogs every day from here on out#and i hid/archived our chat so i dont have to see it when i open the messaging app#i do have some kind of 'fomo' lol bc i dont wanna miss out on any potential glimpse into his mind or days#esp now when he doesnt tell me anything anymore. idk anything abt what goes on with him#but .. i am allowing and letting him control my life#i obsessively check my phone and refresh his blogs ALL day#it's extremely unhealthy and pathetic and i know this#it's just hard to stop bc i genuinely... love him sm#plus he told me he wanted me for real so he made me not only dream of a life i thought wasnt possible for me#but also WANT it. i only want him and to live with him and be his. that's all i want but he just cut me off out of nowhere lol#and im still hung up on it... i dont want my boring reality. current nor future. i just want the reality where im with him which he made me#think was smth i could have one day soon.#but anyway. if his feelings changed that's how it is. it's not even his fault it's just how things work in life#even if i dont want to accept it i have to. i cant keep living in this limbo. i try to talk to him but he's a wall so that's a No.#so i cant let him control my life and waste away all my days on him#i need to stop checking his blogs and our chat. that's the first step#im still gonna allow myself to think of him and daydream and fantasize. but that will have to stop soon too#then i have to focus on doing my assignments and read books and go to the gym#things that will help me get realistically where i want in my current reality#i want to finish highschool and then apply for a preschool or library program#and hopefully the plan is to get a student housing apartment so i can move out finally and live on my own and study#then when i finish i'll look for a job as either of those things. and a place to live (which is super fkn hard in these modern chaos times)#even if i have to live my life all alone... i want to be as comfortable as i can at least#i can live in my own row house and have pets and work and read and play games and watch shows#and see and talk to my mom#i mean hopefullyyyy i'll be able to try to make at least some shallow connections so i have ppl to hang out with#i can always hope to meet someone who'll fall in love with me but im not counting on it#ugh.. bc as it is now#i dont do ANYTHING but be on my phone
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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.
i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)
it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.
the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)
#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao#WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD#why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met#and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj#this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it#NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING#im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why#i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other#and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity????#or something like that idk#i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but#they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends#and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words#and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something#i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have#other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left#after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too#PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE#so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk#WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER#lee rants#autism things#i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️
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Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again
#rat rambles#oni posting#just everytime I think abt olivia's 1500 cycle onwards logs I want to start biting things#shes soooo fucked up and tragic and she doesnt get any closure and she never will and I LOVE it#I fucking love her so much she rewired my brain so hard shes like one of The blorbos of all time#damn you klei you rly know how to make characters that destroy me beyond repair (hi carter twins)#I still find it fun imagining olivia and jackie interacting with the dont starve cast even if they wouldn't like most of them#I have lightly changed my mind on one dynamic tho#I still think that jackie would be stressed out by all the kiddos and would at least dislike them. but.#I do think she could end up kind of getting along with walter#like look at me. she was probably just like him as a kid. she would hate him for it but they could also talk for hours.#hed start sharing fun facts abt his bug collection and jackie would start lecturing him abt ants or whatever and hed think shes so cool#I think olivia still wouldn't like him tho but that's purely because hed probably stress her out#same with the rest of the kiddos I think if you put webber in the room with the two of them theyd both have a breakdown#not because hes a spider solely because hes a little boy who probably just asked them if he can have icecream#and wendy and abby would just be a situation of them not knowing how to talk to kids let alone depressed kids#oh and theyd probably also be stressed out by wurt for basic they dont know how to deal with kids reasons#rly the two would just hang out with wickerbottom and no one else if they could help it#except wanda they'd bother her non stop to the point shed start avoiding them lol#you see Im sure plenty of the cast wouldnt like olivia and jackie either because of just how much they wouldn't take magic as an answer#not that theyd be like no that cant be real cause thatd be magic theyd more likely start sciencing out the mechanics of all the magic stuff#in practical terms while also refusing to call it magic#and worst of all knowing them theyd probably get results because fuck man they brute forced their way into time travel (sort of) so why not#so itd just be maxwell being soooo pissed as the two somehow manage to replicate his spells without the codex#dont let them meet wagstaff then itd rly be jover
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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admittedly the cure for loneliness is vulnerability but sometimes im really just not sure how much more i got left in the tank
#the amount of times ive tried to invite these two out or hang out with them lately and it's just like not happening...#idt they're curving me or anything but i do feel kinda spent from being the one in the groupchat always fiending for time with them#when will one of them DM that groupchat or even just me out of the blue and nigh on beg to hang out the way i do them.#personal#text#ill probably throw something out there tmrw morning asking if either of them want to hang. maybe go to the lake or thrift or something#im just getting cabin fever and im stressed and i miss them and i dont want to start classes and I don't want to find a new job and i don't#REALLY don't. want to leave chicago and i only have so much time with them even if i stay here because neither of them is staying...#god... whatever.
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i hate dramas abt people who are good at being people can we have more shows abt unemployed losers or students who r failing EVERYTHING including their social and love lives or or or adults in their 40/50s who have no idea why or how they r still alive but keep on living because haha lol what else
#HOW IS EVERYONE SO MOTIVATED TO DO STUFF I DONT GET IT HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW#like ur telling me people have boyfriends or girlfriends since school or university and get internships and get employed and have friends#and even enjoy their work life and have good enough grades where they can even have enough time to hang out with friends#have a successful hobby like they play the guitar or can draw or sing or whatever#I HATE U ALLLLLLLLLLLL#PEOPLE EVEN HAVE CAREER GOALS PATHS THEY WANNA FOLLOW LIKE HOW FUCKED IS THATTT#😭 i feel like i can’t indulge in media like i used to im just a hater now why does everyone have a life#HDJBWSKDBSMZBZJ#A#need more characters who laugh everytime something else either minorly or MAJORLY bad happens to them because what else do u do
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