#but i don't think i can take classes i've already received the credits for

[fridayyy-13th]

hooooo boy. i've got my Spanish class today, which i feel deeply, woefully underprepared for (first two years of Spanish classes were hindered by the other teacher at my junior high quitting on the first day, leaving my teacher juggling two sets of students alongside a long-term sub, so we only got through half the material that first year, and spent the entire second year playing catch-up. Spanish III, which i took voluntarily, went okay, but Spanish IV, also taken voluntarily, was an AP class i really struggled in. and, bc i took it, i got dropped straight into Intermediate Spanish without a placement test, and i'm two years out of actively learning the language, though i've tried to keep up with what i know. which is definitely less than i should know for an intermediate college class.)

[buckets-and-trees]

hii i have a request this can be for Ransom or Andy

But imagine y/n and him are in an arranged marriage. y/n is doing everything she can for him to sign the divorce paper for examples smashing his cars, serving overly salty food, cutting his expensive clothes into pieces, disrespecting his workers, and spending his money on the most useful things (but if it ransom spending money at “low class” retail shops only bc I feel like he’ll hate that), etc.

instead of giving her a divorce, he just randomly starts acting like a romantic gentleman until the night ends he punishes her 🙊😈

I have to apologize for taking so long to answer this ask... and forgive me for not using all the inspo you dropped my way, but from the MOMENT I read this, I knew it was going to fuel something very specific for I'm Your Man Andy and his entrapped fiancé reader., and so I still needed to post it as an answer to this to give some credit where it's due. So even though it took months and months to get to here, this is the result.

Title: Don't Look Too Far Characters/Pairings: soft!dark mafia Andy Barber x female!reader Word Count: 6.4k Summary: After jetting away with Andy for a week, you're back. The reality that this is going to be your life starts to settle in in very unsettling ways. And although Andy's taken so many liberties with you already, he finally crosses a line you didn't know was on the board.

Content/Warnings: violent behavior; spanking as punishment; emotional manipulation; explicit smut: nipple play, cock stroking, vaginal fingering, oral (female receiving), vaginal intercourse, unprotected sex; use of pet name (sweetheart), implied dacryphilia

Author Note: This is not a stand alone section! You can find the previous parts here.

Author Note 2: I've been sitting on this for a long time, and I'm excited to finally have it here to share with you. Some of you genuinely seem to love this awful Andy, and you'll like this chapter. Some of you kinda like him against your will and I think you'll like this chapter (cough @stargazingfangirl18 cough). Some of you loathe this man, and you might like at least a few things in this chapter (looking at @biteofcherry).

You are glad to get home from your whirlwind trip with Andy.

Everything had been stunning, luxurious, and beyond your wildest dreams in one of the places you’d been longing to go almost your entire life. Even Andy had been nearly wonderful and certainly subjected you to endless spoiling and copious amounts of exquisite sex.

He makes all of this so difficult.

The private jet touches down in the early afternoon, and Andy allows you to avoid him until dinner. One of the things he’d made clear was an expectation from day one was having dinner together. After dinner, he insists on taking you for a ride in his Aston Martin DBS 770 Ultimate Volante – not his only sports car in the gargantuan garage of his mansion, and not even the only Aston Martin. Though he gave you no choice in whether or not to join him, he doesn’t force conversation, merely lets you enjoy the scenic drive, occasionally holding your hand. Once home, he takes you to bed and gets you to scream out through two orgasms for him before he lets you rest in peace.

The next morning, you awake alone. Andy only invokes a little small talk in the kitchen, lets you know he’ll be taking a few meetings, places a kiss on the top of your head while you eat breakfast at the counter, and then leaves.

It is more room than you have been used to in the mornings, and you don’t question it. You are happy to have the Saturday to yourself.

Three days after Andy so decisively put his engagement ring on your finger, he put a black card in your wallet. Today you will break it in.

You start at a hair salon you have never been able to afford but that had been on the “essential” list of prenuptial rituals for some of the wealthiest brides you’d planned nuptials for. Having the long-standing relationship with the establishment to arrange appointments for your clients meant they were willing to fit you in last minute for the late morning.

You hold yourself back from doing anything drastic. You don’t want to give Andy the satisfaction of driving you to go for a new style. You leave more than a generous tip.

You get lunch at a small sandwich shop – one of your favorites. You choose a table with a view out one of the large windows. It’s nice to be in a familiar place, even with the presence of Shep watching out for the non-existent security threats.

After lunch, you ask Mark to drive you to the plant nursery you love.

You get everything you want, leaving no plant behind if it strikes your fancy. You buy lovely pots for all of them and never look at price tags. When you tap your card for the enormous bill, it’s with a self-satisfied smirk on your face.

Next you go to the nail salon. They are busy, as it’s Saturday afternoon, just as you knew they would be, but they say they can take you in an hour or less, and since you have no demands on your time, you’re more than fine waiting.

As it’s late summer, it really is too warm for the plants to stay in your car, so you insist on sending Mark home with the plants – you know better than to try to convince Shep to go with him. The man has made it clear he will not shirk his duty as the point man for the security Andy has assigned to you. He’s ever present, and you don’t give him a hard time – he’s only doing his job. Shep doesn’t like your suggestion, however, and instead calls someone from the house to come pick up your plants so neither of the men have to leave.

Once your pedicure and manicure are complete, you check your phone while you’re escorted to the SUV. Your mom has sent you a text.

MOM: Call me when you get a chance! I want to hear all about your trip!

You frown as you slide into the backseat.

How did she know?

Since being trapped and installed into the life of the mob boss, you’ve avoided getting together with any of your friends or family, phone calls, and any deep text conversations. It’s self-isolation, nothing mandated from Andy. But what would you tell them about your new circumstance? Forced into an engagement with a charming, handsome man who just happens to be a mobster with control issues you were sure you could never escape from? Not a subject you want to get anywhere close to.

You only hesitate for another moment before you hit the call button and place the phone to your ear as Mark starts your drive home.

“Hello, dear!” your mom’s voice is clear and full of excitement.

“Hi, Mom,” you reply, smiling despite yourself.

Your heart aches for the weeks it’s been since you two last spoke. You missed her voice. You’re close with both of your parents. Your job had kept you incredibly busy over the past five years, but you usually spoke with them at least once a week and made it out to their house in the suburbs once or twice a month.

“I got your text,” you say simply, not sure how else to begin.

“Yes!” she exclaims, her voice full of enthusiasm. “I want to hear everything about your trip! But first, we have to talk about Andy!”

She can’t see it, but your jaw drops. “Andy?”

“He made us promise not to say anything until after lunch today – and I’m sorry, it’s why I haven’t texted or called all week, I wasn’t sure I couldn’t NOT bring him up, but he told us everything! How you met–”

“Well, you know I planned that signature gala for him,” you interject, somehow needing to jump in to clarify that point.

“Of course, yes, but how he was so impressed by you but waited until the event was over before saying anything, how he couldn’t help moving so fast with you. When he reached out earlier this week to set up the lunch with your father and I, he said he wanted us to meet him without you there so that we could thoroughly vet him and judge for ourselves without worrying you, make up our own minds even though he was obviously hoping we would approve since you’re engaged, but he didn’t reveal that detail until today.”

“Oh,” your mind is racing. “Andy always seems to have something up his sleeve.”

She laughs. “I can only imagine! And things certainly developed quickly!”

“Yes…” your voice is thick with hesitancy, and you know you can’t hide it from her.

“But your father and I want you to know that while you don’t need our approval, you have it. We’re surprised, but we approve. He’s so clearly smitten with you, and we know you would never jump into an engagement like this unless you were sure. We trust you.”

You don’t know what to say.

“I would have told you and Dad about the engagement,” you say. You don’t know when you would have. You were still so freshly coming to terms with its reality and ramifications…

Now telling your parents about Andy is yet another thing he has stolen from you.

“We know! We were young once, too! I can only imagine how much that man must have swept you away!” she soothes and exclaims, her voice bright and beaming through the phone.

It makes your chest ache because if this had evolved without Andy’s constant control, it might have been like this, and you would have gushed and been giddy with your mom right now in this moment.

“Why don’t we get lunch tomorrow just the two of us?” you suggest, wanting nothing more than to talk to your mom, but desperately needing to get off the phone so you can regroup, clear your thoughts, and figure out what in the world you are going to be able and willing to tell her.

“I would love that! Where do you want to go?”

You quickly sort out details that you promise to confirm over text, say your goodbyes, and then you end the call. You set the phone on the seat, drop your head back, and shut your eyes, fighting back angry tears. You wouldn’t let them fall down your cheeks.

“Your mom sounds like a lovely woman,” Shep interrupts your thoughts.

The laugh that tumbles out of your mouth is short and underscores how ridiculous all of this is. “She is. She’s not perfect, but she’s the best and has the biggest heart,” you respond with a genuine smile.

“She passed it on to you,” he says, meeting your eyes briefly in the rear-view mirror.

“You two should probably meet her tomorrow,” you offer up.

“We look forward to it,” Mark chimes in.

That’s the end of the exchange, but it dawns on you that while these two men have been assigned to your personal security and transportation, and they’re work for Andy, they have been nothing but professional, and you can see now that while they’re not warm and soft, there is a degree of care from them that has developed or that you’re only now recognizing exists that does seem to go beyond being a paycheck for them. Mark is probably close to your age, and you would guess Shep is eight or ten years older. Both men wear wedding bands on their left hands.

Having to have them assigned to you, you’re grateful it’s these two seemingly good men.

You’re sure there could be much worse.

You’re quiet the rest of the ride home, but your mind doesn’t stop racing.

“Would you like to get out at the front of the house or in the garage, ma’am?” Mark asks as you near the house. He always asks because the house is so large it makes a difference.

The corner of your mouth lifts as you decide, “The garage, please.”

The garage is a drive in basement level on the southeast corner of the house and holds two dozen cars, including the black Range Rover designated for you. You wonder if you’d ever be allowed to drive a car of your own again.

More aware now of the men, you notice there is a degree of ease that settles particularly over Shep now that you’re safe in the house again. You wonder if that’s always been the norm or if there’s a higher threat potential than usual. The shift does clue you into the reality that Andy is involved in more dangerous things than you thought. Instigator or target, you don’t know which he is, but regardless he’s swimming in dangerous waters, and you’re tied to his fate now.

This is your life.

Would you have chosen it?

Would you have?

A month ago, before the gala, you had genuinely been taken with him, even thought of him as you went to bed, alone, a hand on your breast and a toy between your legs and imagined what it would be like to have him there dealing out your pleasure instead. You hadn’t thought any serious interest being reciprocated from even the faintest possibility.

You had been so wrong.

And he’s dealt more pleasure than you had ever experienced.

More pain as well.

He was mindful of your physical limits, even if he rode them mercilessly.

He failed to comprehend the gravity of the rest of the pain he caused.

And today he reached a limit you hadn’t been expecting.

You slide out of the backseat when Shep opens your door, and instead of heading for the staircase in the corner, you move to the south wall of the garage and start opening cabinets. Shep tracks your movements but gives you space.

In the second set, you find Andy’s golf clubs.

Perfect.

You test a few of the drivers, and when you’re satisfied you’ve got the heaviest in your hands, you pull it clean out of the bag and make your way directly to the car you’ve noticed Andy favors most.

His silver Aston Martin DBS 770 Ultimate Volante.

The very car he drove you around in last night.

You hold nothing back in your swings, cracking the glass with your second hit. The third doesn’t do much more damage, so you move to the metal body, and here’s where you see you will get at least some of your satisfaction, easier to create dents in the metal than breaking the windshield. You do manage to smash one of the windows. Then you round on the next car.

Neither Mark nor Shep move to stop you, but you do see Shep is on the phone briefly.

You guess that you won’t be alone for long, so you move to a third car. Andy arrives as you lay into the fourth car. You look over at him with apprehension, unsure of what his next move will be. He meets your gaze, surveys the damage you’ve done so far, looks back at you, and then takes up position leaning against the Range Rover.

You grit your teeth, then raise the club over your head and bring it down with a battle cry over the hood of the silver Porsche 911 Turbo. A fifth car bears the fire of your rage, and mid-swing on the sixth is when a someone finally grabs the other end of the iron. You scream in fury and turn to face Andy, who’s looming over you, his blue eyes dark, stormy, and his mouth a thin line.

You yank against the club, but his grip is firm. You don’t let go though, still trying to wrest it from his hands, eyes locked on his, and he uses the rod to pull you closer to him, nearly chest to heaving chest (yours, not his).

“That’s enough, sweetheart.” His fingers work yours away from the metal rod, and he clasps one of your hands in his to keep you close while - eyes on you - he tosses the club to Shep, who catches it easily.

You huff and try to pull your hand away, but he interlocks your fingers and then starts to lead you away and up the stairs. Not wanting to allow him seeing any petulance from you, you comply and follow him in silence. Adrenaline starting to taper off, you feel exhaustion seeping into your limbs, and part of you wonders if Andy knew you were reaching the end of your strength and stopped you before you would have lost steam on your own. Your stomach seethes.

Once on the main floor, you fall in step with him, not needing the staff to see anything that will make them talk. Some of them may be oblivious to why you’re here, but you know there are those who are aware at different levels that you aren’t here as the other half of a fairytale.

Your destination turns out to be the family dining room, not the formal one.

Dinner, of course.

He pulls your chair out for you, tucking it politely as you sit, and then takes his place across from you.

Sometimes you and Andy talk over dinner.

Tonight is not one of those nights.

If he’s going to be silent about today, say nothing more about your vandalism on arriving home, then you certainly are not going to stoke conversation. His eyes are on you frequently, but you ignore him.

Halfway through dinner and after taking a sip of wine, Andy finally says, “Your hair looks nice.”

You scoff. “As if you really noticed. Your men told you where we were.” You know it’s hardly changed.

Andy set his fork down. “Look at me,” he demands, tone serious, and so you comply. “They’re your men, and don’t make the mistake of thinking I will ever fail to notice a detail, especially when it comes to my wife.”

Your heart skips a beat - part fear, but part some flare in your heart that you hate reacting to his words. You raise your chin in defiance. “I’m not your wife.”

“Yet.”

Threat and promise.

As if the exquisite engagement ring whose heavy weight you were growing so used to weren’t a constant reminder.

Rather than think further on that, for the rest of the meal you consider his correction that Shep and Mark are your men when you’d said they were his. It was an interesting distinction, and you would put feelers out to ask about it later - not Andy, but maybe with the men.

When dinner is over, Andy stands and reaches for your hand. He always does. It’s unsettling because if only you had ever had a choice, the gesture would be endearing. A few nights over this month that you’ve been his, he kissed the back of your hand and left to attend to business. Some nights, he wanted to watch something with you before bedtime, or go on a drive like last night. Most often he takes you to the bedroom.

It’s the latter tonight.

You walk silently to the master suite together. Every muscle in your body is taught with tension, with the simmering rage and hurt of the day seething through your veins.

Andy closes the door and turns to face you.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re so upset before or after your punishment?”

“My - what?!” You glower and put your hands on your hips. “Why am I being punished? You let me smash two more cars before you even stopped me.”

“It’s not about the cars, it’s your refusal to talk to me about something that clearly has you worked up.”

“Worked up?” Your eyes widen and then narrow. “I’m not worked up, Andy, I’m infuriated.”

“Then tell me what crime I’ve committed.”

You scoff and turn away.

He catches you before you’ve taken two steps, gripping your upper arm. He hauls you toward the bed, takes a seat on the end of the mattress, and then lays you down over his lap. He takes both your wrists in his left hand and holds them firmly while his right hand pulls your pants down.

All of it happens so swiftly that you can’t even fight him, but you cry out when the first, harsh slap hits your bare ass. The sting is sharp and shocking. The second comes quickly after. You try to shake out of his hold, but he growls your name, tightens his grip, and the third slap comes even harder.

Four. Five. He kneads the flesh of your ass between some of the smacks. Eight. Fifteen. Twenty. Somewhere in the middle, the smacks morph into a swirl of simultaneous pain and numbness – a mirror of how you feel. You’re sobbing once he finally stops, body sagging in defeat over his lap. He lifts you carefully and lays you stomach down on the bed. You fold your arms and hide your face into the frame of them to cry and settle into softer cries, and Andy lets you have the moment of privacy.

It’s not long before you register Andy’s return though, his weight sinking onto the bed next to you. Then his hand is on your tender backside, applying a cold cream to your skin, and the relief makes you let out a shuddering sigh. He works it over you slowly, gently, methodically. By the time Andy’s finished, so are your tears. You’re still full of emotions, but they’re a swirling, complicated mess. You feel like the frustration has been spanked out of you, but you’re still hurt and angry, but now you’re also confused by this tender act. This only extends when he urges you to roll over, and sit up, and he kisses your forehead. You look up at him dolefully, he wipes away the remaining tracks of your tears. He’s shed his clothes from the day and is now bare-chested and in a pair of navy silk pajama bottoms. He proceeds to gently help you take off your shirt, your bra, and then slips you into a silk robe he’s brought from the closet.

Then Andy stands, scoops you up into his arms, and heads to the balcony of your master suite. He settles down onto the loveseat and arranges you in his lap so you’re sitting sideways over him, and he wraps his arm around you. It’s more of the confusing closeness, physical intimacy that you crave but can’t give into with him. It’s the first time you’ve been out here, and it affords a beautiful view of the darkening sky. Yet another thing you would have yearned for but don’t want like this.

“Are you ready to talk?”

“I don’t even know where to begin,” you say honestly.

He puts his hand under your chin and tilts your head up to look at him. “I’ll listen to anything you have to say.”

“But will you hear me?” You ask and turn your head away and out of his hand.

He smoothes his thumb over your jaw but - to your surprise - doesn’t force you to look at him as he had before. Instead he lets his hand drop and brings it around your waist so he’s got both arms banded around you again.

“You’ve taken so much from me, Andy. You’ve made it abundantly clear that I have no way out of this, but it’s been mounting and it came to a peak today. I had a day to myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to spend it with my friends or my parents because I can’t tell them about us! I haven’t spoken or texted any of them on more than a surface level since this all began. And I haven’t gone back to work yet, but I want to work, I need to work, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell them either!”

He is quiet for a moment. And then, “I knew you hadn’t told anyone, but why do you think you can’t tell them about us?”

“What am I supposed to say?” You scoff. “I can’t tell them that you threatened me with blackmail and forced me into our engagement!”

“No,” he agrees, “You can’t tell them that.”

“So, what am I supposed to tell them?”

“That you fell for my charms, that I surprised you when I declared my intentions and by how serious I was, that I made it almost impossible for you to refuse me. It’s enough of the truth.”

You frown and scrutinize his face. “Enough of the truth,” you repeat, the words tasting bitter in your mouth. “Is that how you always live your life?”

 He lifts his chin, a flash of hardness in his eyes. “I’ve done what I needed to.”

“You didn’t need to go behind my back to meet my parents!” You blurt, the hurt in your voice bleeding out despite trying to keep it in, to keep it away from him, not wanting to share something so personal.

“I want to have a good relationship with my in-laws. My mother’s dead and my father was sentenced to life in prison when I was a kid.”

“But they’re my parents,” you stress. “I should have been able to be the ones to tell them about getting married. You stole that from me.”

Andy studies your face quietly.

You drop your gaze. You won’t tell him why stealing this moment – more than anything else he’s done – was your breaking point. You doubt he would care or understand, but he also doesn’t get to know something so personal. He hasn’t earned that right.

“You love them,” he finally says.

You nod. “We’re very close.”

He falls silent again.

Finally, you give an exhausted sigh. “Why did you have to do this to us?”

“I wanted you.”

“I wanted you, too. You should have let us fall into it.”

“Fall now.”

“I can’t,” you protest, and you look up to argue further, but he’s faster, cutting you off with a kiss.

His lips are demanding, and the heat he pours into the kiss seeps into the cracks he’s been chipping away inside you, and your traitorous body leans into the moment. You’re exhausted physically and emotionally.

You don’t know how you can ever let yourself fall for him.

But as his hands soothe up and down your back, you wonder if you have to deny yourself everything for the rest of your life?

What if you fell into him for one night? Allowed yourself to let go, to forget for just a few hours? You are so tired. And your body aches. And after so much hurt, betrayal, and anger running high through your veins for so many hours now, after the shock and release from being put over his knee, maybe you just want to forget and get lost in pleasure.

Pleasure you know he was far too capable of giving.

Not only capable of giving, but master of overwhelming you with it.

After he’s stolen so much from you these last weeks, maybe you want and need to steal a night of ecstasy without any thoughts.

You shift on his lap, his arms still around you, until you’re straddling his lap. You leverage his broad shoulders to push yourself up on your knees, and you look down at him. You can’t read everything in his dark blue stormy eyes yet, but you can interpret some of what’s there. He’s intrigued and you can see the spark of hunger flaring, but there’s something else you can’t quite read.

But that doesn’t matter right now.

He doesn’t pull you in closer, but his arms hold you steady in your kneeling stance. You reach for the tie of your silk robe, and you slowly pull it loose.

“Tonight is not for you,” your voice is low, quiet, but not soft, “it’s for me.”

His eyes narrow a fraction, but as you shrug the silky garment off your shoulders, he helps let the robe fall free to the ground.

Andy’s eyes rake over your naked form, drinking in every curve and dip of your body. His hands glide up your sides, rough palms contrasting with the softness of your flesh. You shiver despite the warmth of the evening air.

You place your hands on his chest, feeling the solid muscles there. Your fingers trace the lines down to his abdomen, following the trail of dark hair that disappears beneath his waistband. You can feel the evidence of his arousal, and he groans, gripping your hips tightly, and you squeeze his length - big as the rest of him - the cock that has ruined you.

He leans in and his lips burn a trail down your neck, over your chest and find one of your breasts, nipping on the swell before licking at your aereola and taking it into his mouth. Your fingers rake into his hair, and he sucks insistently until your nipple is almost painfully hard. He releases it with a pop, then moves to give equal treatment to your other breast. You press your needy cunt down against his groin, keening for him.

You grind against him, and he can’t help but groan. In one fluid motion, he stands, lifting you with him. Your legs wrap tightly around his waist instinctively as he carries you back into the bedroom. He lays you down on the bed with surprising gentleness. He takes less than a second to push his pajama bottoms down and off before he joins you on the bed, his body covering yours.

His weight presses you into the mattress. You feel every inch of his hard body against yours, and you arch up, desperate for more contact. Andy's hand slides between your bodies, finding your slick folds. He groans when he feels how wet you are for him.

"Always so ready for me," he murmurs against your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there.

You whimper as his fingers tease your entrance, circling but not entering. You buck your hips, trying to force him inside, but he pulls back with a dark chuckle.

"Patience, sweetheart," he admonishes.

But patience isn't what you want tonight. You want to lose yourself in sensation, to forget everything but the pleasure he can give you. You reach down and grasp his thick length, guiding him to your entrance.

He forces your hand away with a tsk, and you glare at him, but he is grinning, moving down your body already. He kisses the sensitive spot on your lower stomach, the one he discovered that always makes you gasp and arch your back for him. His shoulders force your legs open to accommodate his frame as he plants himself between your thighs.

Andy's mouth descends on your core, his tongue laving your sensitive folds. You arch into him, a moan escaping your lips. His beard scratches deliciously against your inner thighs as he works you over with his skilled tongue. He alternates between broad strokes and focused attention on your clit, building your pleasure steadily.

Your hands fist in his hair, holding him against you as you rock your hips. The coil of tension in your belly winds tighter and tighter. Just as you're about to topple over the edge, Andy pulls back, denying you release.

“Andy, please,” you beg.

Andy's breath ghosts over your sensitive flesh, making you shiver and whine. He places a soft kiss on your inner thigh, then another, slowly working his way back towards your center. You squirm, desperate for more contact, but his strong hands hold your hips firmly in place.

He chuckles, the vibrations sending sparks of pleasure through you. "I thought this night was for you," he teases, his beard scraping deliciously against your thigh. "Let me take care of you."

Before you can protest, his tongue laves a long, slow stroke up your slit. You cry out, your back arching off the bed. He repeats the motion, this time circling your clit with the tip of his tongue.

Your hands fist in the sheets as Andy's talented mouth works you over. He alternates between long, languid strokes and quick flicks of his tongue, never letting you settle into a rhythm. Just when you think you can't take anymore, he slides two thick fingers inside you, curling them to hit that spot that he knows makes you see stars.

"Oh god, Andy!" you cry out, your hips bucking against his face.

He hums against you, the vibrations sending shockwaves through your body. His fingers pump in and out, matching the pace of his tongue on your clit. The dual sensations are overwhelming, and you feel yourself hurtling towards the edge.

"That's it, sweetheart," Andy murmurs against your flesh. "Let go for me."

His words are your undoing. Your orgasm crashes over you in waves, your body arching off the bed as pleasure overwhelms you. But he’s anything but finished.

Andy doesn't let up, his mouth and fingers working you through your orgasm and pushing you towards another peak. Your body trembles, oversensitive but craving more. You tug at his hair, torn between pulling him closer and pushing him away.

"Too much," you gasp, but he ignores your weak protest.

He adds a third finger, stretching you deliciously as he continues to lap at your swollen clit. The intensity builds rapidly, and before you can catch your breath, you're tumbling over the edge again. This time, Andy pulls away, allowing you a moment to recover.

He kisses his way up your body, pausing to nip roughly at your collarbone. When he reaches your mouth, he kisses you deeply, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. You moan into the kiss, your hands roaming over his broad back.

Andy positions himself between your thighs. You reach between your bodies and guide him to your entrance. You need him inside of you. He pushes in slowly, stretching you deliciously, filling you completely. You both groan as he slides in to the hilt, and you throw your head back. He stills there, kisses along your jaw, then gives a soft rock of his hips, rutting against you, but not thrusting.

“Move,” you plead, wrapping your legs around his waist to urge him on.

Andy leans down and claims your lips again, demanding the intimate kiss as his price, his tongue licking into your mouth to tangle with yours. He then sets a steady rhythm that has you moaning with each thrust. You buck your hips to draw him in with each stroke. The room fills with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and your mingled moans of pleasure.

You drag your nails down his back, leaving red trails in their wake. He hisses, then retaliates by biting down on the juncture of your neck and shoulder. The sharp pain mixed with pleasure makes you cry out.

"Harder," you demand, needing more, needing to lose yourself completely.

Andy growls, his grip on your hips tightening as he complies with your demand. He pulls almost all the way out before slamming back in, the force of his thrust pushing you up the bed. You cry out in pleasure, your nails digging into his shoulders. He sets a punishing pace, each thrust driving you closer to the edge.

The headboard bangs against the wall with the force of his movements. Your walls clench around him, drawing a guttural groan from his throat.

"That's it, sweetheart," Andy grunts, his voice rough with exertion. "Take what you need from me."

You're climbing higher and higher, chasing that blissful peak. Andy snakes a hand between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit. He rubs tight circles over the sensitive bud, and it's too much.

You shatter, screaming his name as waves of pleasure crash over you. Your body convulses, clenching rhythmically around him. Andy fucks you through it, prolonging your orgasm until you're a trembling mess beneath him as he chases his own release.

It takes a few more strokes, and then he’s spilling his hot seed inside of you, groaning against your neck. He collapses his weight onto you for a few moments, catching his breath. Your hands roam over his back. If you had been given the chance to choose him, to choose this life, wrapped in his arms right now you would have felt blissfully content, and so since tonight was a pass on reality, you let a satisfied sigh fall from your lips.

Andy’s lips find yours again, and you kiss until you feel floaty and boneless beneath him, head empty of all thoughts.

When the fervency of the kisses finally slows into a languid calm, Andy finally rolls off of you. He reaches for the switch to turn off the soft lights that had been on, then settles on his side, facing you. He traces lazy patterns over your form with his fingers, and you close your eyes and simply feel.

You didn’t know you had fallen into sleep except that the motion of Andy pulling you into his chest so he can spoon up behind you pulls you back into consciousness. He chuckles softly at your little mewl, and then pulls you a little closer to his warm chest and plants a kiss on your neck, just below your ear. You settle against him without complaint.

You’re exhausted, and you don’t know where he finds the resilience, but his hand snakes down to cup your cunt again, and you hum as he begins to work your clit. You have no strength left in you, but if you don’t have to work for it and Andy’s going to give it to you, you’ve learned under his hand that he always knows how to coax out one more climax from you when you think you’re already spent.

Your breath speeds up again, and you can feel the promise of pleasure pulling at your muscles, tightening them for one final release.

As he works you quickly up to that point, he speaks directly into your ear. “You said tonight was for you, not for me. It’s the lie you needed to tell yourself to let go, and that’s fine, but know that your pleasure is always pleasure for me.”

And so unfairly, your body comes for him right then, exactly as he wants you to, and you cry out before going even more limp in his arms. He presses another kiss on your neck, and you can feel his satisfied smile against your skin. You desperately wish you could break out of his arms and roll away from him, but you do not have even an ounce of strength left, and so you simply let the exhaustion overtake you and escape from him in sleep.

You’re vaguely aware of how close Andy keeps you all night. Since he typically does, it’s a surprise when you wake to an empty bed. There is only a vague suggestion of sunlight beginning to come in the windows, so you know it’s still incredibly early. The sheet is down around your waist, and you splay your arm out to where Andy should have been. The bed isn’t cold, but there’s only a hint of warmth, so you know he’s been up for a while.

As if unnervingly on cue, Andy comes in from the ensuite bathroom and hums at seeing you awake. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

He strides right up to the edge of the bed, leans down, and plants a kiss on your cheek, then rubs his hand softly over your jaw.

“Morning,” you respond.

You hate how lovely this scene should be. Your heart wants it, but your brain reminds you not to accept this contrived intimacy he pretends is real and normal.

He crosses the room and retrieves his phone, starts to put on his watch, the finishing touches before he embarks on his day.

“You can sleep in,” he says softly.

“Why are you up so early? It’s Sunday.”

“Early tee time at the country club,” he answers.

You make a vague sound of acknowledgement and pull the sheet and duvet back up to burrow in for a lazy morning of more sleep and maybe some reading.

“Enjoy lunch with your mom, by the way,” he says at the door. “I’m teeing off with your father, so I’ll persuade him to have lunch with me to give you two time as just mother and daughter.”

You suck in a sharp breath and he departs, dropping this revelation, and leaving you to seethe at his making yet another bold move, seeping steadily further into the foundations of your life.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

SO

YEAH

Still with me here?

Even though I figured out the plot point for this chapter a while back, when I wrote it, I had to take a break a few times because I was upset over how some things were playing out.

I was also surprised by some of the development with her security detail of Mark and Shep. I randomly made them up really quickly during Prepare for Takeoff, but then here I learned they were going to end up being even more important than I thought (including something key for two specific future plot points).

[sniffanimal]

"Help, I'm an adult and I'm realizing I can't read or write as well as I should/would like to!"

Good news! Literacy is a skill that can be worked on, even once you're out of K-12 schooling! Here are some ways to get started with increasing your knowledge of grammar, reading comprehension, classics knowledge, and writing! Feel free to reblog with more ideas/options!

Go to the library. The brick and mortar building where all the books are. Get a library card (free), and ask a librarian to help you find books on whatever skill you want to work on! I recommend the physical building because the quiet environment, going to a specific place to learn, and access to books that may not be available digitally are all helpful!

Use Libby/Overdrive! These are apps you can use with your library card to check out ebooks. If you're used to reading fanfic on your phone, reading an ebook might be an easy transition! Many apps also have font and accessibility options that can help!

Khan Academy is a free site that has lots of different lessons on grammar and reading! They're geared towards k-12 students, but can be a good place to start if you feel they can help! I've only seen the math lessons personally, but it comes highly recommended!

Find a book you read in high school and read it again! Follow along with SparkNotes or another study guide (STILL reading the book) and think about how you feel about the book without the pressure of a grade. Did you find it more engaging? Did you notice anything new?

Read a lot! Read long form blog posts, news articles past the headlines, books, magazines, newsletters. Read your voter info pamphlets. Read the transcript of a video instead of watching it. Reading engages a different part of your brain than listening!

Start with just one book, hopefully one you already own, and take your time reading it. Keep it in your bag/pack everywhere you go. change your phone wallpaper to the cover of the book to remind you to pick it up instead of scrolling. Take all year to read it! Take your time! Just always have reading be an accessible option for you.

Practice writing more! Journal, write longer Tumblr posts than a pithy one-liner. Start a proper blog, like on dreamwidth or neocities! Write reviews of everything you read and watch and experience! Write fiction, poetry, your memoir! Don't worry about it being publishable or having an audience. Practice just sitting and writing full sentences for the joy of it.

Lastly, since I'm running out of ideas now, look into taking classes again! You don't have to pursue a degree to take English 101. Some colleges even let you Audit classes (where you take the class without receiving a grade or credit), which can be less stressful. Join a book club, or start one! Even try picking out an English textbook at the library and giving it a read.

It's never too late to learn to love reading again. And to get better at it, and even write works of your own. It's not shameful to be a bad reader/writer, but it can be fixed. Happy reading!

[athousandbyeol]

discussion #4 (only friends): only friends cast as the seven deadly sins [part 1]

the wait is over. the official trailer of the most awaited series of 2023 was out a few hours ago, causing mayhem everywhere and anywhere (as it should).

the trailer started off strong with mew narrating the story and is covered in blue (i'm speculating this will be his and namchueam's colour judging from this post. and do notice that ray and boston are also in the same colour: white. but my theory is ray's colour will be green and boston will be red (we can see it in the official trailer. green wallpaper in ray's room. boston in the red room. i might extend this observation once the drama airs). but in this post, i won't go into details about the colour theory.

in this discussion, i'll highlight the possibility of the only friends characters as the seven deadly sins: pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth. the first part will cover mew, top, ray and san.

side note: this is just from my close observation of the official and mock trailers. also, since we don't get much of namchueam's story, there's bound to be an error in my judgement.

as always, please take this discussion with a grain of salt. :)

mew | sloth

sloth, in the context of the seven deadly sins, is commonly defined as laziness. however, the legitimacy of this being a sin isn't clarified and credited to an extreme extent. yet, it's still considered a sin. but in the hierarchy of deadly sins, sloth is ranked seven; the last. this somehow indicates sloth or laziness isn't as blasphemous as the other six.

in my perspective, mew is a sloth because:

exhibit #1: his solitude

in the mock trailer, mew is introduced as a studious student who has no time to date. he doesn't think it's necessary to get laid or be in a relationship while studying.

he's comfortable being single. mew isn't ready to commit because it isn't in his goals. he wants to study and earn that degree. craft a successful future afterwards. that's it. the fun in his dictionary is different from ray and boston.

i view this as laziness because mew is hesitant to change. he doesn't like/want to entertain the idea of meeting new people or hooking up with anyone (he's against one-night stands) probably because it challenges his morality. therefore, mew's reluctance in changing is a form of laziness— or reticence to differences.

exhibit #2: his (innocent) virtues

i like the parallel between mew in the mock trailer and the official trailer. he's still nerdy. he still takes his degree seriously (i hope?). and because of his meticulous/introverted personality, he has many visions.

it has to do with him being a top student in class for him to set goals and have a list of things he likes/wants in life/lover.

interestingly, in the official trailer, mew lays down three characteristics of a lover that he wants:

respectful

friendly/easy-going/adaptive

honest

as i've mentioned, mew sticks to his probity like glue. he's the kind of person who isn't fond of rule-breaking. and i've included in my previous discussion that mew (initially) isn't open to change.

why is this lazy? in persistence, there's also adamance. i believe mew's stubbornness to stick to his beliefs/virtues makes him 'lazy' to open up to new horizons. he sees only the four walls surrounding him but not the bigger picture, what's outside of this box.

he will after he discovers top's dishonesty, though.

exhibit #3: getting help from others

it's known by everyone that boston introduces top to mew. it's out of pity and disbelief because boston really can't accept that mew has never slept with anyone in four years? to boston, that's the craziest thing he has ever heard (well, boston, not everyone is like you so—)

receiving help from others can be seen as lazy because as someone who's at the receiving end, no effort is required. it's already served to them on a plate. and what should they do when someone gives? they take. and that's what mew did. he took top from boston without much thought.

side note: honestly, for a smart guy like mew, i can't believe he just let this happen to him. (are you ok, sweetie? did you think it was a good idea? coming from boston of all people?)

i see mew fitting 'sloth' the best because of his obliviousness, reluctance, kindness and innocence. his laziness in making a better judgement of his friends, his relationship with top and their hidden agenda is his deadliest sin. he perceives everything with rose-tinted glasses and innocence that aren't meant for this cruel world.

but contrary to the other six, mew's sin will change him for the better.

top | pride

when i look at top, i can't think of anything else but pride.

he's prideful. he knows he has control over boston. he thinks he has mew wrapped around his fingers (i'm sorry to break it to you, top, it's the opposite).

but why? what makes top so arrogant?

exhibit #1: boston's unwavering desire

boston: a sense of ownership

boston feeds most of top's pride. in my topmew colour theory, i've dived into top's personality (top being on the dark spectrum) and concluded he's a multi-layered persona that's only filled with insecurities and sadness. but he hides them well because he has a mask he can wear; it's boston.

top and boston share this parasitic relationship where they steal/render nutrients from each other (in this case, their perception of true love, healthy relationships, honesty and trust). it's not love per se— it's just them knowing they can always turn to each other to get what they think they can't get from their respective love interest/friend with benefit (mew and nick). their relationship is based on toxicity and ownership. and this ownership drives top to believe he'll always win. nothing can faze him. he won't crumble because of love (little did he know... poor top).

exhibit #2: the presence of mew

mew: a sense of true love

mew feeds top's pride differently. mew provides top with love, happiness and fear.

love: mew teaches top how to properly fall in love. not only for the sex. not only for the kisses and hugs. mew teaches top that love isn't who belongs to who— love is two people that belong to each other. no rankings whatsoever. mew teaches top that love is equal and one plus one makes two— two different people can come together and fall in love. as simple as that. despite the differences, they can work it out.

happiness: mew makes top happy by asking him out on dates, and doing the most boring, casual and mundane stuff together, like other couples do. something normal. something simple. nothing scandalous. just those dates from the cheesiest lakorns. but the simplest things always provide the most happiness. mew helps top appreciate the simplicity in life.

side note: do notice that most of topmew dates are mostly in the daylight while topboston's sex escapades are at night. it shows that mew brings light (happiness/positivity) into top's life. so when top discovers this light, he becomes obsessed. he genuinely falls for mew. it'll be difficult for top to let mew go.

fear: losing mew is top's biggest fear. he doesn't want mew to extract himself from his world. because he's so used to having mew by his side, that bright and sunny mew, top can't sink into the darkness again (his relationship with boston). he can't bring himself to accept the fact one day mew will know of his shenanigans and mew can't handle that because who will? who can ever be okay with your lover fucking your best friend behind your back?

boston enhances top's pride as he feels valid and needed. but mew diminishes top's pride as he loses self-control and independence.

so, who hurts top's pride the most? it's definitely mew.

ray | gluttony

in my opinion, ray and san are similar. i see ray as 'gluttony' and san as 'greed'. the connotation of these two sins is somewhat identical, but ray is gluttonous because of his indecisiveness. why?

exhibit #1: his one-sided love for mew

in both trailers, there are still hints of ray harbouring romantic feelings for mew. it's more apparent in the mock trailer. however, the raw jealousy and dissatisfaction are more evident in the official trailer (which affirms my assumption of ray as 'gluttony').

ray knows mew doesn't love him romantically. ray knows he can't be mew's special someone. and that hurts him really badly. it's the notion of knowing he doesn't stand a chance but there's always a slither of hope— ray is somewhat gullible in a sense. mew thinks of him as a good friend and nothing more. and ray can't accept that.

however, the problem ray faces is he can't quite forget about mew. perhaps it's the curiosity that irks him still, why can't mew love me? what does top have that i don't?

so he makes himself available for mew—

supports mew by confronting boston (in the mock trailer) and top (in the bts picture)—

—thinking he has a chance. but he doesn't.

he still wants to be someone important in mew's life. he still wants to be in mew's life. if he can't have mew as his lover, then he'll just be a friend to mew. that's enough to feed his 'hunger' to be valid in mew's world, to exist in mew's universe.

exhibit #2: confuses himself in wanting san for lust or stability

when mew can't love and satisfy ray's hunger for a stable relationship, he seeks companionship in san.

the mind-boggling thing about ray and san's dynamic is both of them know they want each other from the get-go. the spark is there and it's waiting to blaze. but ray doesn't know if he ever wants to let mew go. he thinks he can't. he's so used to wanting mew more than anything. the concept of getting something aside from mew messes his brain.

yet, the moment san came into his life, ready to fill the holes in ray's heart and love him with all his soul, ray is overwhelmed. he's afraid.

why? i believe gluttony has a close relationship with fear and pride. when we're hungry, we think you can eat more than we can chew. so we don't stop taking— because we believe we can finish them all. but when we're full and there are still so many on our plate, it's either we throw them away or leave them aside (i'm sorry if this metaphor doesn't make sense...)

he takes so much from san because he doesn't get anything from mew. but when san gives a portion of himself and takes a fragment of ray, it confuses him— it scares him.

san makes him full, but ray doesn't know if he can ever be satisfied without mew— like having an incomplete meal. veggies— yes. protein— check. rice— empty.

san | greed

as i've discussed, san is ray's reflection. they mirror each other's positives and negatives.

san portrays greed by wanting something stable— something certain— a label— with ray. i have an inkling that ray has set things straight the first time they met— he only wants company. this isn't something romantic or forever. this is just a one-night thing. no hard feelings, yes?

and san honestly has no right to be angry if ray can't give him that because san said himself—

so, why is he so worked up with ray? why is he so upset when he realises ray is using him for many purposes— the main reason being to feed his loneliness?

exhibit #1: friends should stay friends (san's insecurity)

i don't know if san deludes himself that ray is only his friend to avoid being heartbroken, but it's just puzzling to me at this point.

this speculation arises when top says this to san—

i wonder if top and san shared a history together. it might be them dating the same person (for example: san's past boyfriend broke up with him. and then top dated san's ex). or top and san were boyfriends in the past but things didn't work out (probably due to san's insecurity and top's dishonesty). [thanks to this user for pointing this out. i just added my own input in their discourse hehe.]

insecurity. i think this word speaks so much of san's personality. that's why he built those walls. he doesn't want to be at the broken end again. his greed, however, leads to temptation, and ray is one hell of an attractive guy, so san can't say no. he can't really ignore ray because of that— ray is just so tempting. he thinks ray can give him everything he wants— aren't they the same?

exhibit #2: san's dire need for stability and certainty

san resonates with ray. he might see the old him in ray. therefore, he wants to help ray out of that loophole. he doesn't want ray to self-destruct just because of a one-sided love when san knows ray deserves better— he deserves someone like san in his life.

as their relationship progresses, san notices the potential to shift this casual companionship into something sturdier. but sadly, ray doesn't think the same. and this hurts san the most because he believes ray feels it too— the kisses they shared, the time they spent together, the sex and everything— how can ray not feel it?

ray keeps pushing san away and it tears san into pieces. why can't ray succumb to temptation the way san falls for ray? why can't ray accept san for who he is and stop chasing after someone else? aren't both of them hungry for something similar— love?

next part: boston as envy, nick as lust and namchueam as wrath (?)

in the next part, i'll talk about boston, nick and a little bit of namchueam. i'll also conclude this discussion by rounding all seven characters as the seven deadly sins in the next post.

[side note: i just realised i can only put 30 photos per post. that's why I have to split this into two. hehe]

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

[rolotouto]

A video with most (not all, yet) of Rolo's lines in Lost Stories. Translation below.

The first two lines are heard during the log-in screens, of which there are two variations (EDIT: 3rd one in the next post!). For the 1st day log-in (which only happens once and I couldn't record as clearly, I'm sorry!!):

・Brother and everyone from the Student Council are really happy that you have returned to the Academy… and me too, of course…

The slower way in which he says ‘mochiron, boku mo’… Thank you Daichuu ♥ And the next log-in line is repeated every day for 7 more days: ・It seems that you haven’t been coming to the Academy much. Is there anything troubling you? If that’s the case, would you like me to listen to you? Somewhere where nobody will bother us, calmly…

An alternative translation of this line would be: "Ever heard about Rai? Of course not, I made sure nobody will ever hear about him. I say this for no particular reason *smiles*."

After that, I've recorded two lines which aren't included in the character archive, for some reason. They are the ones you get when you haven't collected your presents in the Present Box or in the Mission screen, respectively: ・It seems that something has arrived in the present box. Will you check it?

・If you have completed a request, you should report it. And next comes the character archive, which lets you listen to the rest of his Home lines in order (and some Battle ones as well): ・(If you log in from 4 to 6:59 [Japan time]) Eh? You're so early! I just happened to wake up early by chance. I came outside because I wanted to take a breath of fresh air. ・(From 7 to 10:59) Good morning. You still look sleepy. Did you stay up late last night? ・(From 11 to 15:59) Have you seen Brother? Since Rivalz-san isn't here either, I wonder if it's chess gambling again... ・(From 16 to 18:59) I always have dinner with Brother. Therefore, I will excuse myself. ・(From 19 to 23:59) Eh? Is there something wrong for you to be here so late? I'm taking a post-dinner walk. I wanted to do some thinking. ・(From 00 to 3:59) So you are still awake. If you don't mind sharing, could you tell me what you're doing staying up this late?

The following lines can appear anytime, regardless of the hour: ・After the Black Rebellion, you were absent from school for quite a long time. Is there a specific reason for your sudden return?

・Ah... Judging from her face, President Milly has come up with something again. This school has many unpredictable events, so the Student Council work is really tough.

・Rivalz-san and the Student Council president sometimes tease me about Shirley-san. Saying "she's your big sis" and such... I don't understand.

The way he adds "ne" at the end implies that he assumes Mario/Maya agrees with him in that Rivalz and Milly aren't making any sense. I love how unable he is to not react to jokes with a "this is so pointless" face. ♥ ・Brother... The other day he skipped class again, and the teacher got angry with him. I'm worried about his credits, but it seems that he has already done all the calculations needed in that regard.

・The student council members are so attentive to just anyone, aren't they...? They are kind even to me... I wonder why.

That's probably my favorite line, which requires you to have gained his full Trust (up to level 5) in order to be unlocked. Rolo's confusion over why people would treat him nicely for no reason is exactly how I interpret his perception of others outside of his relationship with Lelouch: he can recognize their kindness, but finds it so bewildering that he can't appreciate it for what it is. In Turn 19.02, he displayed fascination at the idea of family members showing kindness to each other without any ulterior motives, and I've always believed that Rolo simply didn't live long enough to have the opportunity to grasp that "family" isn't the only place where giving and receiving kindness exists. I see him voicing the question "I wonder why" with that sad face as another sign that he really wanted to understand human bonding and that, with a little more time and less gaslighting from Lelouch, he had all the potential to become as grateful and indebted to others' good treatment as he was to the love he received from Lelouch.

・Brother is my only family. If you ask the members of the Student Council, I'm sure they will tell you all sorts of stories about me and Brother.

"Tada hitori no" means that his family consists of a single person, so what's up with the parents Lelouch referred to in Turn 19.02? Has that being retconned as well and now Lelouch's altered memories don't include any parents? Then again, even in Turn 19.02 Lelouch claimed that Rolo and him were always "like a family of just the two of us", so... I guess nothing has been retconned and these brothers were always meant to be parent-ignoring-brocons even in the canon created by Charles.

・You and Brother do get along well... Who approached whom first? Was there any particular event that brought you close?

・It's only natural to want to know what kind of people your brother interacts with and what kind of relationships he has, isn't it? I mean, he's family.

I guess this can be read as Rolo already showing possessive signs, or maybe not necessarily that, and he just wants to know as much as possible about Mario/Maya because he suspects him/her.

・Could it be that you are nervous because it's been a while since you came to school? You looking at me with such probing eyes… What's going on?・On the days you don't come to school, you are actually carrying out some mission under a prominent figure from Britannia... Just kidding. Do I watch too much TV?

Even though this sounds like Rolo just carelessly revealed his own identity, I'm sure he said that to test Mario/Maya and analyze his/her reaction on purpose. Even when you get his Trust to max level, he doesn't actually trust you at all (unlike the Dearness levels in GeaGene), as you will see when I post his Trust leveling up lines... By the way, everything was in polite Japanese so far, since Rolo uses polite speech with pretty much everyone other than Lelouch. After that, there's a bunch of short lines which were already translated in this previous post. You will notice I'm missing one, which is unlocked when you get his Awaken stats to level 15, but that will probably take me some time...

Next, some of his lines during battles: ・(Launch into battle) Come on, let's go. ・(Battle start 1) You are getting in the way of my mission. ・(Battle start 2) I will have you removed. ・(Deployment 1) Leave it to me. ・(Deployment 2) I won't let you get away. ・(Retreat 1) I will retreat temporarily! ・(Retreat 2) I let my guard down... ・(KMF skill 1) You can't defeat me. ・(KMF skill 2) I will have you die! ・(KMF skill: finishing blow) Goodbye. And lastly, his lines when you finish the battle, which change depending on the score you obtained: ・(Result S) Our goal was achieved with ease. Well, it's only natural. After all, failure is not allowed. He so learned that at the Order... ・(Result A) It went well. There were minor irregularities, but we managed to handle somehow. ・(Result B) It was a close call. It doesn't change the fact that we won, so that's fine, but next time let's have a bigger margin of victory. He, like the rest of the characters, has some month-exclusive home voice lines as well, but I will wait until I get more of those before I post them (they are not available in the archive, meaning you can't hear them until the month changes in real life). And those are the translations for this post. I'm not done with everything, but ahh, I love this! This Rolo feels so 2008ish to me. It reminds me of playing Banjou no Geass Gekijou and being excited to get all the Rolo dialogue over 15 years ago... Man, GeaGene just couldn't compete.

[memphisfaith]

Hearts of Lust: Chapter 8

Pairing Kim Namjoon X Reader

Genre: Collage!AU, Smut

Word Count: 1.K

Warning: Cursing, mentions of smut, smut, consumption of alcohol, mentions of violence, violence, crack personality disorders, Chaotic energy.

Summary: College is any young adult's prime years, at least that's what Lee (y/n) and Kim Namjoon thought. The two are infamous for two reasons, by two very different crowds. Among the professors they are picture perfect students with perfect scores, attendance, and image. However, among the student body they're the very essence of lust with amazing bodies, sex appeal, and skill. The two, although strikingly similar, butt heads quite a bit with competitions of everything from grades to who can get a person to drop their pants the fastest. With the two of them ready to conquer the school year it's all a matter of Go Big or Go Home.

Sitting in my Bio lecture is not what I want to be doing. It's been a whole month into the semester and RM and I have tallied up points to be sixteen to seventeen. RM in the lead by one point. 

I'm sure there have been occasions where we've almost killed our poor professor with our antics, but he hasn't died yet. Which means I need two points to get ahead of Namjoon, I tap my pen against my notebook thinking of ways I could possibly gain the lead when a slam broke my train of thought. 

I look to the source of the sound and I'm shocked to see an aggravated look etched onto our professor's face. The usually timid teacher looks as If he's ready to scream. I glance over at RM and his look tells me he didn't have any idea what was going on either.

"I expected much better from you class," The man rumbles as he holds up the stack of test papers. The one on top has a bright red Thirteen written in the top right corner. My eyes widened at the score. 

"The only two who seemed to pass were Mister Kim and Miss Lee. Other than them the highest score is a fifty." He scolds. My shock doubles as I hear the scores. This is an advanced Bio course. What class do these people think they're taking?

"As of right now I'm assigning a project, This project will count as much as our unit exam. If you fail this project the only way you will pass my class this semester is if you pass the next unit exam with full credit." He announced. My eyes widen, this man is not playing.

I hear the class erupt in chaos, "You've all been lazy, As of right now Mister Kim and Miss Lee are the only ones not scraping by." He crosses his arms as he glares at the class. The man then passes out project packs as everyone starts to whisper among themselves on who they should partner with.

Most of them plan to partner with Rm and I. Which would be rather smart on their part, If it wasn't for the fact the teacher in front of us planned ahead for that. "I've decided that this project will not only make or break your grade, but I hope this project will push you to do your best." He announces.

"To ensure that, I will pair Mister Kim and Miss Lee together for this project. I already know their project will be nothing short of exceptional. So, If any of the remaining groups manages to outshine their project not only will they receive a passing grade. That group will also be homework free for the entire semester." He announces.

I nearly fall out of my seat as I jerk my body to face RM. His eyes wide behind those wire rimmed glasses of his. I shoot my hand up so fast I almost jerk it out of place. "Miss Lee," The teacher calls, "While this is all nice for the remaining class, what about Namjoon and I. I'm sure it would be far too easy for the class if they all are trying their hardest while Namjoon and I don't have the motivation to make it as challenging as you hope it will be." I reason, doing my damnedest to keep my smirk under wraps.

My statement caused him to nod in agreement even if it all was a total lie, Namjoon and I are extremely competitive by nature. Even if we weren't presented with a prize, We would compete for the sake of our ego and pride. 

"Fair enough Miss Lee, What would Mister Kim and yourself like if you win?" He asks. I glance at RM for suggestions, "We would like to be excluded from all take home assignments for the rest of the semester." He demands.

I quite like that, "As in homework and classwork, I'm sure we would still like to do our projects if assigned." I reason. Our teacher takes a moment to think it over, "And you're very positive you'll win. That's quite a big demand, since I've only offered the -one- group who wins no homework." He counters.

"We see your point," RM nods as he interlocks his fingers over the top of the desk. The poor man, Namjoon, seems to be taking this far more seriously than I planned. "I'm sure we are willing to offer ourselves to the class as assistants or aids if we fail." RM continues to negotiate.

A well practiced smile forms on my lips "We will be at the class's demand if we lose Sir, I'm sure that and No homework for the entire semester is more than equal to our demand." I persuade. The class erupts in cheers begging for him to say yes. 

The man himself looks rather flustered by the outburst of the class, leaving him no choice but to agree. "Shall we shake on it then?" He questions, In a rather weird sync RM and I hold out our hands for him to shake.

As soon as he does the class cheers before falling into quick groups. I turned to Rm, "What were you thinking?!" I question in a low hushed tone. "I wasn't. Come on Vixen, you know more than anyone I love a little thrill." He whispers in a smug tone.

I scoff and fall back into my chair, crossing my arms. "A little? You must be high." I snort, RM rolls his eyes. "How about instead of arguing for once we figure out what project we're going to do before the class makes us their slave?" He questions.

"Oh please, you'd enjoy it." I sneer leaning closer to him. RM leans in as well, "Not as much as you would. I'd bet you beg a whole group of them to fuck you." He laughs lowly. I glare at him, "You fucking suck." I scoff pulling back. "Not for free." He winks before he too pulls back.

<---- Prev // Masterlist // Next ---->

[fibrowarriorgirl]

Toxic positivity & chronic illness

This post is aimed mainly for the people who aren't chronically ill themselves, but for those who know someone dear to them is chronically ill. Although I think a lot of chronically ill peeps will be able to relate to this post.

"Stay positive." It's something that pretty much everyone hears in their life. In our darkest moments, we will always have someone telling us to be as happy as possible. Remember the last time you were upset, and someone told you something like this. How much did you appreciate this?

Sure, it can definitely help under certain circumstances. Let's say you failed a test at school. Your parents telling you "it's okay, better luck next time!" could actually cheer you up. But what if it wasn't just any test, but an important exam you failed. "Better luck next time!" is a lot less pleasing to hear. You failed your exam, you won't be able to go to your next year, all your friends did pass so you won't be in their class any more, and the next time you do the exam will be over a year from now. The phrase "better luck next time" sounds bitter more than anything. And definitely isn't appreciated.

We as humans often feel inclined to turn anything bad into something positive. It's a natural response. You see someone you love in pain, you want to be able to say something that will make it better. But we have to be realistic, there will be times when someone is in pain (physically, mentally or both), and there is nothing to say to make it better. And you trying to make it better, only makes it worse.

I've only had my fibromyalgia diagnosis for almost a month, but I've had episodic pain for over a year now and constant pain for almost 5 months now. Especially this last month has been rough with toxic positivity.

Receiving the fibromyalgia diagnosis was hard. At the time of being diagnosed, I didn't know too much about it. I had read about a few symptoms, but I honesty didn't think I could have it. So once I did some research, I was devastated with my diagnosis. And something I noticed, is that a lot of people were trying to help me by saying uplifting things.

"But Elke, what's so bad about that?" What bothered me the most, was that I wasn't even diagnosed for a week and people were telling me to cheer up. Telling me it could be worse, telling me what has helped them when they had pain once, it will get better, it will pass. And I always had the same response: "Let me be sad for a while."

I had just heard I had chronic pain. I have a very frustrating diagnosis. Doctors can't tell me what it is in my body that is causing all of my symptoms. There is no medication. I need mobility aids to get around. I will need a very intense form of rehabilitation. So yes, I was pretty depressed for a few days. The last thing I needed, was to hear it could be worse. I was grieving, grieving the life I once lived. I was in denial of the life I was forced to start living.

Maybe you're thinking that even though your positivity isn't welcome, but it can't hurt, right? Unfortunately, you're wrong. Being told that something could be worse, tells me I am bothering you, that my pain isn't severe enough to be upset about. Maybe that isn't your intention at all, but it is somewhat implied. We also internalise this way of thinking. I tell myself "it could be worse" so I can't feel bad. Even though my head can be pounding, my joints burning, with no energy in my body to do even the simplest of tasks, I'm still not allowing myself to feel bad. Because there is someone out there who has it worse.

Not only does this phrase negatively impact me, it impacts my surroundings. Let me take a friend of mine, who I will call Jane Doe for the sake of anonymity. Jane suffers from an undiagnosed eating disorder and body dysmorphia. And a few weeks ago, she told me she felt bad whenever she talked about her struggles with her body to me. "You're actually in constant pain, you have it so much worse." Do you know how heartbreaking it is to hear that? She is struggling with something I know can be so challenging. She is in (mental) pain, but "it could be worse." I am still here for Jane, I don't think of her pain as less or not as important as mine. I don't want her to feel like that.

Of course, there are many things chronically ill people are frequently told that do more damage than good. "I had pain here once, so I did x and y and it went away." We already tried x and y. We tried the whole alphabet. "It will pass." No, it's a chronic illness. It can get better, maybe. I could go on and on.

Discussing toxic positivity is awkward. Because I realise all of these things are said with love, with the intention to help, to put a smile on my face. So I don't want to point out that you're actually hurting me by saying this. I often will just smile and nod through it. And I get it, I really do. I too have done this in the past, I probably still do without even noticing. And I also understand that my loved ones also have to adapt to my new life. You don't get a handbook on how to deal with your chronically ill daughter/partner/friend/etc. So that's why I'm posting this, to educate.

Instagram account @unchartedmalady posted a quote a few days ago that inspired me to write this post. "We don't seek solutions or treatments from friends or family. That is what medical professionals are for. We want support, understanding and empathy." This perfectly describes how I feel about this.

I'm in pain, every day. Some days, I get a lot done. Maybe I'm in a little less pain, but that isn't necessarily the reason. I could be excited to do something, I could have rested a lot the days beforehand, maybe I just somehow woke up with more spoons than usual. There are also days where I am not able to do much. There are even days that I can only get out of bed to use the toilet. Maybe this is a really bad pain, but that also isn't necessarily the reason. I could have received bad news, I have just done something 'big' the days before and need to rest, maybe I just woke up with less spoons.

On my good days, I don't need much support. But on those bad days, I need you. And I don't need you to help me. I need to be able to tell you "today fucking sucks, this is why" and for you to listen. Seeing your loved one is in pain is uncomfortable, you will feel the need to say something positive to cheer them up. This might sound blunt, but learn to deal with that uncomfortable feeling. Some appropriate responses could be:

"Do you know what to do on days like this?"

"Have you been able to discuss this with (medical professional)?"

"I am here for you."

"I'm sorry you're going through this."

"Can I help you with anything?"

Something that I personally think is a great alternative to saying something positive is: "I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better." This acknowledges that you want to say something to help, but that you realise there is nothing you can say to help. And also, be honest if you don't know what to say. "That sounds awful, I genuinely don't know what to say." There is nothing wrong with being honest about that.

And to finish this post off, I am not here raging against everyone who has every said something 'toxically positive.' I am here educating about this. It's okay to make mistakes, especially if you didn't know about this. And maybe you will still make this mistake every now and again, that's okay. As long as you're trying. We're all human, we all make mistakes. If you're ever not completely sure how to handle a situation with your chronically ill loved one, please just ask (respectfully).

(Credit for image goes to uncharted malady on instagram. Click here to visit their profile)

[the-hetchia-universe]

So i found i miciti disney of phantom blot!

And i wanted to share the translated version of the interview ! ( and i like he has some kinda story behind the interview. The extras will be on a reblog post.)

"If I didn't have a heart of gold..."

Meeting within the walls of the prison with the one who likes to call himself a villain unique in style, intelligence and personality. A true emperor of crime, if it were not for the too much sensitivity that makes him hate violence and has prevented him on various occasions to get rid of the enemy Mickey, for now.

When it was decided to dedicate a volume - and a coin - to The Phantom blot, it was prudently placed towards the end of the series, in the belief that sooner or later the person concerned would be available for the ritual interview.

The reasoning did not make a wrinkle: more than six months would have been enough for him to try to pull off one of his famous shots, which would have been followed by the probable (not to say inevitable) arrest, and so it would have been easy to meet him in the cooler.

And instead, time has passed and no news of the lantitante Phantom blot has been heard.

That he had decided to take a long vacation or, even worse, to retire permanently from...business?

The only hope of not being forced to write with blank pages was placed in the major expert of the black character and his nemesis for sixty years, and that is Mickey. Who immediately reassured us. "No, Phantom Blot doesn't know what the holidays are," he said convinced.

"And as for the idea of retiring, I don't think it ever even crossed his twisted mind. He's not the type to sit on his hands, and even if he was, he'd never retire before he took me off the streets. He swore it to me... and he's not the type to break his word."

But then how did you explain him not talking about himself for so long? 

"He's on a break," sentenced Mickey. "he's preparing a big score... and I know which one too!"

At the Mousetown Research Center, very advanced studies were underway on a device to make people invisible. Very secret studies, of course, but not for Phantom Blot, as revealed by an ingenious electronic bug system discovered by chance at the Center.

There was no doubt that he was the one who planted them.

"Invisibility has always been his dream," Mickey said.

"And with that device, he'd have one that's perfectly good, not the handcrafted one that gives him his black cloak in the night."

the bug hadn't been removed, so as not to put the Phantom blot on the forewarning so that we could catch him red-handed at the appropriate time. Which, unfortunately, wouldn't be for a few months at the earliest. And to hasten the time was not even talked about it: even if it had been possible, an interview would hardly have been a sufficient reason to speed up the work.

I was already resigned to having to give up the interview when I had a dazzling idea. What if he just pretended to finish the job? A nice, exclusive benefit performance by Blot and his bugs and...

"And he'll bite for sure, because he doesn't know that we know that he knows!" exclaimed Mickey.

"Besides, if he has to act sooner than expected, he won't have the time to get his plans right, and it'll be easier to neutralize him. And there is another advantage: even if he gets away with it, he will have nothing to steal. But he won't get away with it..."

Mickey was a good man (not that it took long: all the precedents were in his favor) and so here I am, in Mousetown prison, visiting the blackest black character in the Disney world.

Who receives me in his usual cell. I'd like to describe him, but how do you tell something you can't see? The room, in fact, is in total darkness...

Interviewing an invisible subject is not the best, but taking notes in the dark is impossible...can't you turn on a light?

PB: Yes, but then you'll miss the right dark atmosphere.

Patience, I'll work on my imagination.

PB: I hope you've had enough. Anyway, I'm keeping the cloak and hood. Without them, I wouldn't be me anymore. Even the warden lets me wear them when I'm in jail. He has respect for my personality...

Me too, I assure you. You've always been my favorite negative character. The best villain. And don't get me wrong, when I say "bad"...

PB: There's no need to add anything else. I get it. On the other hand, how could you define me differently? Well, maybe instead of "bad," you could use the term "evil." I think it suits me better and is more exclusive. I'm the only one who's evil, and the comic book pages are full of villains.

And no one remotely has my class. Not to mention style, intelligence and personality.

Modesty, on the other hand, is quite common among you criminals...

PB: If you think you're funny, you're very wrong. I'm not immodest, I'm just telling it like it is. I'm not the kind of guy who's special, I'm not the kind of guy you're looking for.

That's what Floyd Gottfredson thought, too... 

PB: He's designed me. You ever wonder why I made myself look so much like Walt Disney?

As a joke, if I'm not mistaken.

PB: Pff! That's the official version. The truth is, he wanted to pay tribute to a great man by making him play a great character. And who could you find better than me? Walt and I have a lot in common.

Certainly not a criminal record.

PB: Obviously not. But we're both geniuses.

With very different results, though. His career has been a little bit better than yours. Speaking of which, can you explain the long hole between your first compo, in 1939, and your return to action, in 1955? Sixteen years is a long time: what have you been doing in all that time?

PB: If you had that imagination you boasted about earlier, you wouldn't ask me such a question. It's obvious I've been in prison. Serving my long sentence and figuring out how to get revenge on the man who put me away. You should have known better. And if you're really a fan of mine, you should know that I almost succeeded. I had a diabolical plan, a revenge so subtle that only I could have imagined it. Nothing crude, no direct violence. Mickey sabotaged himself with his own hands! I hope you publish the story of my return to the scene, so that readers will also appreciate my genius.

It's the first of this volume, a real classic. You really missed nothing because you're getting rid of your enemy. In this regard, can you explain me why, even though you had several times - and since your first encounter - the possibility to eliminate Mickey directly, you never did it?

PB: Because I'm too sensitive. I hate violence and I could never get my hands dirty. I wish I could. It would be so easy to just get the rat out of the way! But instead I'm forced to make deadly contraptions or studying very complicated subjects. Imagine that once, in order to get rid of my hated enemy, I managed to erase it from the mind of every inhabitant of Mousetown. Of course, as you can gather from my presence here, it didn't help. Do you know what that crude Pete once said to me, who I often share a cell with? That without my good heart, I'd be the emperor of crime! I hate to do this, but I have to agree with him.

Yeah, if it hadn't been Mickey in his way... He's blacked you out plenty of times!

PB: Yeah ! That's some low-rent humor. Why don't you also say that it's...stained my career? I don't mind anyway, because I'm tenacious, me. I'll never give up. I know what I'm worth, and I know the day will come when I can get rid of Mickey once and for all. That is, if luck doesn't keep on helping him, of course. That nosy little chap's always got a dose to envy even Gladstone.

You're not saying that to console yourself? The way you're putting it, it sounds like Mickey doesn't deserve any credit for putting you in jail. I'll grant you that sometimes he got away with it because your sensitivity prevented you from giving him the coup de grâce, but to say that he beats you regularly just because he's lucky, seems too much.

PB: Is that what you think? Then let us examine this latest supposed success of the brilliant detective, the genius of investigators, the terror of criminals. Tsk! I was preparing a perfect score, according to a schedule studied in detail... and what happens? That those scientists realize much earlier than expected the invention that I was so interested in, thus forcing me into a hasty action that led to my arrest. Mickey was there waiting for me, but if I'd had time to make a proper plan, I'd have done it under his nose, always snooping around. Grrr! And you're telling me he's not lucky?

Well, yeah, maybe a little. I'll grant you that it's not his fault, but the case, if the microplashes you had installed at the Research Center were discovered. But he was the one who figured out you planted them and had the idea to leave them where they were so you wouldn't get suspicious. And the fact that the invention was ready before its time is not a stroke of luck, but simply... false news.

PB: What?! You made that up. I don't believe it!

And it hurts, because I know what I'm talking about. I'm the one who gave him the idea. I went to consult him to find a way to interview you... Hey! Why did you get up? You don't want to...

PB: ...hurt you? No! I hate violence, you know that. I just want to hug you to show my appreciation! You are living proof that Mickey beats me just because he is lucky. But do you realize? I ended up in jail because of an interview!

That we can continue...

PB: Ah no! Even if I'm not angry with you, I don't talk to my worst enemy's allies. It's a matter of principle... that brings us to the end. So I'd be grateful if you'd leave. And on your way out, turn off the light!

[bonelesswords]

a study of souls | alex høgh andersen au

- masterlist

gif credit: @lol-haha-joke

Chapter three: Megan

Warnings: Languae, sexual content, mentions and using of drugs, mentions of a toxic relationships, grammar mistakes (english is not my first language)

The university had started a week ago and it has been quite light. That's why after finishing my turn at the bakery on saturday afternoon, I take a shower and I put on my pajamas, ready to get into bed and not leve until the next day.

Only at that moment I feel like the week has ended, and it feels like a relief. When I walked out of the university on friday I could let out a long sigh, perhaps proclaiming victory, my first week had ended.

  I didn't want my life to revolve around the man I fell in love with a year ago,  but when I walked through those halls and climbed those stairs again, I couldn't help but think of him. The nostalgia hit me instantly, but soon it became anguish and fear. Fear of crossing William on one of those halls, who used to work there. However, he seemed to keep his word, he doesn't work there anymore.

By friday, almost sure that he wasn't going to appear in that place, the feeling of anguish was almost nonexistent, I hope that during the course of the year it disappears completely.

I hear the annoying sound of my phone vibrating against the wood of the nightstand beside my bed. When I take my phone in my hands I see the name of my brother shining on the screen.

"Hi June, are you already in bed?" In a mocking tone, his voice fills the earphone.

"Hi Rory, are you already drunk?" I ask in the same tone of voice of his, but unlike me, Rory laughs.

"No, not yet. But it's saturday, I'm calling to verify if you are aware of the said event or if you are staying home tonight."

"Yes, I think I deserve it after this long week."

"No, you don't!" He snaps and I can almost imagine him squinting "You are coming with me tonight, to a party."

"Is there any possibility to say no?" I ask.

"No, not at all. It's at Alex's, he said "bring little June, if she wants to, I bet she want to" ,, He says, imitating Alex's accent. I couldn't deny that the guy who had been flirting with me last week crossed my mind more than once this week.

"So that's my name now?"I ask, avoiding the question just to annoy him.

"Come on, June. I'm trying to get you a social life here, you know?" He sounds irritated, which makes me laugh. I keep quiet as if I were thinking about it, but I already know that the answer is yes.

"Okay, I'll go, but only if after that, you bring me home"

"Right, I'll be there at midnight, then, is that okay?"

"Yes, of course."

I wait for him to say goodbye so I can say goodbye too, but the silence makes its presence in his line. I know what comes next.

"How was week, June?" He finally asks. It comes out of his mouth in a strange but familiar tone. It reminds me of our aunt Rose, grandma's sister. I can count more akward calls with her than times that she came to visit us, I remember, even now, how grandma used to force us to talk to her everytime Rose called when we were kids and I was ten and Rory fourteen. Rose asked "And how have you been in school? What has Lucy cooked for you today?" All unimportant questions, until it seemed she was about to say goodbye, she used to pause first and then, asked that question that Rory and I hated so much " How are you two doing in therapy?" Rory had sounded the same way, and I couldn't blame him, I knew he didn't know how to ask that kind of questions either. He wasn't talking about the university, he was talking about William.

"If your question is that if I've seen any asshole, the answer is no, not any that I'm familiar with." I hear him laughing, almost relieved "But it was alright, better than last year. The only thing that I can hope for this year is cycle full of routines."

"It always can get  worse." He warns me joking and makes me smile.

"You are right, but I hope not."

"It's alright, June. See you later, stay out of trouble."

"I'll try." I say and then I end the call.

When I open my closet, my mind travels directly to William and that upsets me. It makes me angry to think about him when I do something I stopped doing when I was with him, like spend hours preparing for a party and wear night clothes. I wonder if, when he wakes up every sunday beside his wife, thinks of me. Me and all those weekends that we spend in the apartment that he had in the center of town, I wonder if the same thing happens to him as it does to me when I see these  little things and I automatically think in every bad decision I made last year.

Anyway, I am again the same girl who cared a lot about what I was going to use the next day in class, although it was less intense, I was just as dumb. Alex's smile is projected in my mind when I think about what I'm going to wear at night and my stomach turns.

Is it lipstick too much? No, it's not! But the heels that I've always used that are hidden somewhere in my room, they do feel like too much. Preparing to go out always feels like too much for a person with too many doubts like me, and at the same time it feels like I'm not doing enough for my image. For my image, what image? THAT WAS RIDICULOUS. The more I thought about it, the more wrong the decisions I had made feel, suddenly, to stay at home sounded better than going out and expose myself to too many eyes of people I didn't know. But no, I wasn't going to do the same thing that I did last year, I'm twenty one, not sixty five, like grandma. I wasn't going to go to sleep at midnight on a saturday. So I decide on a black top with long sleeves and skinny jeans of the same color, I put on my converse and I wait sitting on the living room sofa until Rory arrives.

When I receive a text from him saying that he's outside, I leave the house closing the door behind me. I sit on the passenger seat and I say hi to him.

Rory talks about his job, at the car shop, talks about cars as if I understood, but I pretend to do it, like he does when I talk about the university.

"Is everyone going to be there?"

"Yes, otherwise I wouldn't go."

"Is Helena going too?" I ask with a curious tone in my voice.

"Yes, why?" He frowns but in the moment that he turns his head and looks at me, with raised brows and a smile on my face, he understands. He rolls his eyes, trying to hide a smile.

"Is it that I know you too well or that you are very obvious, Rory? I think both." Rory looks at me horrorized, with eyes as big as dishes and I burst into a laughter.

"Am I?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, I'm kidding. I don't think you are obvious but if you are, what about it? I mean, sometimes it doesn't have to be a problem to demonstrate that you are into her. Because, to be honest, you are an attractive guy, If you show interest in her, maybe she will do the same.

"Do you think?" He asks, almost hopeful

"Yes, I think. Go with the flow, that's what they say."

"I hope they are right, then" He says, making me laugh, this time a little bit worried.

Rory parks in front of the bar and when we are both standing on the street, he stars talking about how I must not accept drinks from anyone, as if that wans't something I learned when I was fifteen years old . Since the thing with William happened, it seems that Rory sees me as a girl of fifteen years old again.

He pulls a bunch of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and opens the door.

"Why do you have a copy of the keys of his house?"

"In case of emergencies." He answers.

"And why do you have one intead of, I don't know, his brother?"

"I'm pretty sure that his brother has a copy as well. Besides, I'm his best friend, if his brother is not available, I am."

He turns around and once the door is open, hurries up the stairs. I want to ask him if Alex exposes himself to "emergencies" frequently, and If it is like that, what kind of emergencies. But Rory doesn't give me the opportunity to continue the conversation, he gestures me with his hand to follow him upstairs. When we are at the top of the stairs, on the right is another door and from outside I can hear the trap music that was already heard from the street, but when Rory opens the door of Alex's house, it explodes.

The room is dark and the only lighting is the lights that come from outside from the large window of the room, but nobody seems to bother. Above our heads, there is a large cloud of smoke that extends throughout the room. There are people playing the console in front of the big tv hanging on the wall, people sitting on the floor, on the balcony. I see a large L-shaped sofa where Travis, Julia, Jack and Helena are sitting.

Rory takes off his jacket and asks me for mine, he tells me that he will leave them in Axel's room. I nod and make my way to my brother's friends, who greet me with a smile on their faces, I sit next to Julia, who seems to be already bored of the party.

"You came!" She says, smiling from ear to ear.

"Of course, I think I was invited."

"I'm glad you came" Says when she sees my brother approaching to Helena and say hi to everyone. She approaches to me to whisper in my ear: "Because Evangeline couldn't make it, and I knew that in the moment that Rory arrives, Helena would be all eyes for him." She winks at me, I laugh. "Sometimes you need a partner in Alex's parties." She says through gritted teeth, too close to my face, adding drama to her words. Suddenly, I feel someone sitting next to me and an arm surrounds my shoulders, making me turn towards the person beside me.

"Are they that bad?" Alex asks. A side smile appears on his face when I look at him in the eyes and and there he is, in a white tshirt, with slightly messy hair. His eyes are red, as well as his swollen lips, it seemed that he had bitted them several times. His face is a little better since the last time I saw him, but it is still a little bruised. Even with the poor lighting I can tell. "Hi Junie."

"Junie?" I ask laughing.

"No, I'm not Junie. I'm Alex." He says and lets out a giggle.

"He gets funny when he smokes weed." Julia explains to me and I nod.

"Yes, but nothing else" confirms me and raises his hands, As if he were declaring himself innocent.

"He means that it is the only thing that the joint makes to him" She explains again.

"It's okay, Julia. I'm pretty sure June doesn't need a stoner translator." Alex cuts Julia and she laughs.

"Oh, no. My role wasn't a stoner translator, but a translator of idiots " She finishes and I burst into a laughter.

"Yeah, I had that coming anyway." Alex accepts and Julia nods happily, but turns when Travis shows her a post on Instagram. "But ey, you came! I told Rory, bring June, I bet she will want to come, and now you are here. Did you pour yourself something to drink? " He starts tripping with his words, and I notice him more awake and hyperactive.

"No, but I'm okay."

"Well, how bad then. Because I told everyone that if they wanted to come, their entrance ticket was a bottle of something, but now I have too many bottles of alcohol in my kitchen."

"Oh, that must be a nightmare for a guy like you, isn't it?" I joke.

"For a guy like me?" He repeats my words, a little curious.

"Yeah, you look like a party guy." I explain myself and he nods.

"Oh, right. I personally don't think I'm a party guy. They said "Alex, you should throw a party." And I said no, but they said "yeah, you should." And I said okay, but only if everyone brings their own alcohol because I'm not going to give free drinks to anybody, and now everyone is here."

"They?" I ask.

"Ah, yes, my friends, other friends."

"Then I don't know if you are a party guy, but you are definitely someone easy to convince. "

"Only when I'm high, the rest of the time I'm a pretty intimidating guy."

"You haven't intimidated me." I tell him and he looks at me with that smile that looked arrogant, and at the same time, totally charming. It makes me shiver how charming it is.

"That's because I haven't started yet." He answers me and takes me off guard. I roll my eyes, when I really want to scream on the floor. "I should have told your brother that if you wanted to come, your entrance ticket was a cake, since you work at the bakery, because after what I smoked I will be hungry."

"I don't give cakes for free. If you want one, you should buy it."

"Then I should go to the bakery one of these day, of course, only if you are there."

"It would be a shame if you go and find my grandmother."

"So which days are you?" He asks and I look at him for a second. I was sure that telling him what days I worked at the bakery was pretty stupid, it meant that I wanted him to go and find me. And perhaps, also, it meant allowing him to think that I would be waiting for him to go. And although it sounded stupid, I did it anyway.

"Weekdays in the afternoon, sometimes I help on Saturdays."

"I must remember that, then."

And that smile appears on his face again.

Little by little I go into the conversation that everyone is having, it is a little difficult for me to deal with Travis's internal jokes, but Julia is quick to explain them to me, which I appreciate, she makes me smile. So far, there is nothing out of place, and everyone seems relaxed. Although for me, there comes a time of the night when the smoke of the place begins to suffocate me a little and I have to go outside to take a breath. I let Rory know and he nods.

There's two girls in the balcony when I go out, both of them are too into their own conversation to notice my presence. I rest my arms on the railing. The wind hits my face and I appreciate it, it's cold but for a moment, I don't care.

Again, for the second time tonight, I feel the presence of the owner of the house right next to me, imitating me, resting his arms on the railing. He doesn't say anything, just look straight ahead just like me.

"I remember the first time I smoked weed." I say suddenly and he turns to look at me.

"Did that stay in your mind?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, I'm just saying that to fill the silence." He laughs, turning his body a little towards me, I keep looking straight ahead.

"And was it good?"

"No, it was boring and when the effect was gone, I was too sleepy... I slept a lot that night" I answer "I remember that the effect hit different to my friends, they laughed a lot, it was fun. I didn't feel that until the third or fourth time, but I always end up more sleepy than anybody." I turn to see him "I suppose that for you it's different."

"I suppose, yeah." He smiles "For me, it makes everything a little bit chill in these kind of places. The rest of the time I don't need it. " He says and I want to ask him why he needs it in these places, but I don't dare to do it. He remains silent for a few seconds before speaking again. "Can I ask you a question?" I nod, a little doubtful, but he smiles again. "Why is Rory always so willing to take you everywhere?" he asks and I laugh loudly.

"I thought you invited me," I say in a smile.

"Yeah I did. Don't think I didn't. But it seems  a little strange to me that he wants to take his little sister everywhere with him, especially when he flirts with Helena all the time, doesn't he?" He raises his brows and I smile at the thought that everyone knows about Rory liking Helena.

"Yes, I know, I understand the confusion. Actually, he told me today, he wants me to have a social life again, that's what he said." I explain to him and he nods, a little bit confused yet.

"Again?" He repeats curious.

"Ah yes, again. Before New York, the university and everything, my social life was reduced to nothing. I could do it on my own, but he decides to speed up the process, I guess. "

"So he is doing well," he tells me "I mean, the guys like you. And me too, especially me." Our eyes meet, but I squint.

"You are an..." I start saying.

"I know, I know" He interrupts "you don't need to say it" I roll my eyes when I see how an arrogant smile makes its presence on his face. He rights himself. "You are pretty today." He murmurs and I sigh.

"There you go again."

"No, no, I mean it. You are pretty today." Somehow, he makes me smile. He sounds genuine, not like flirting or playing, which takes me out of balance for a second, maybe that's why I can feel my face burning right now, but the thing that horrifies me the most is that he can see it as well.

"Thanks, I guess" I manage to answer, totally embarrassed. A cruel little voice in my head tell me that that hour that I spent repairing myself worth it.

When we come back in, I sit back in the same place and Alex does the same. I look around the room, my gaze stops at a blonde girl, who stares at me, as if she throws knives at me with her eyes. Suddenly, she begins to approach while staring at me, I don't take my eyes off her, I frown, wondering if she has confused me with someone else or she is just high.

I realize that any of my two assumptions are incorrect when she is close enough to me, at the moment when without prior notice she sits on Alex's lap and plants a loud, red kiss on his cheek.

"I haven't seen you all night." She says to him and suddenly, I feel out of place, because Alex knows that I am and the girl who's sitting on him for sure knows it too.

I stare at Julia, who rolls her eyes and grabs my arm so I can get close to her and get away from Alex and his blonde girl. Then, she whispers "Her name is Megan." She explains and I understand the situation now. I whisper to her what Rory and Helena had told me about this girl, Megan, and how Alex got into a fight for her. I haven't seen her all night, but if I was being honest, I didn't pay attention to anybody since I arrived.

Alex and she begin to have, what it seems, a slight discussion. She seems to want to raise her voice but he asks her to calm down, and the only thing I get to hear is him telling her that this isn't a place for discussions. I don't want to keep listening, so I get up and go to the kitchen for something to drink.

I look at the kitchen counter and all the bottles of alcohol, not knowing very well what to do with all of that. After a few minutes, I decide to open a beer and serve it in one of the disposable cups that are there.

A pointed finger touches my back, causing me to turn suddenly. It surprises me when I see the same girl who was sitting on Alex a few minutes ago is right in front of me, looking at me with an almost friendly smile, almost. She is taller than me, and certainly more beautiful. I would never have wear that tight black dress that she was wearing. She has a smile who could kill anybody, and a body too. When such a girl stood right in front of you, it was impossible not to get a little jealous.

"Hello" She says slowly. I look at her for a few seconds before answering.

"Hello?" The insecurity sneaks into my voice and I have to clear my throat.

"I am Megan, you must be June." Megan introduces herself and I nod, I don't know why.

"Yeah, that's me. Do we know each other?" I know immediately that the words that have come out of my mouth sound a bit hostile, but she doesn't flinch.

"No, but I have a feeling we're going to" He explains to me and I want to laugh because of the nerves caused by the conversation, I have always laughed when I feel nervous. I immediately remember Rory saying that he doesn't like Megan, and that nobody likes her, not even Alex's brother.

"And why is that?" I ask curious.

"Well, you are Rory's brother, aren't you?" She asks and I nod -again- "And Rory is Alex's best friend, and, if you didn't know, I'm Alex's favourite girl, so, do the math."

What she says reminds me exactly at that moment of last week, in which Alex felt the need to clarify that he had no girlfriend, and I supposed that Megan knew that. It was not very difficult to realize what kind of relationship they had.

"Can I ask you a question?" The tone she uses in her voice does not go unnoticed, I look at her as if I could read her mind to know what she is thinking right now.

"This is the second time tonight that someone asks me that question, so yes, I guess," I answer and she laughs.

"Do you like him? Alex, I mean," I open my eyes wide, but she looks at me almost amused, which is chilling. What does she expect me to say?

"What?" is the only thing I can say, Megan lets out a little giggle.

"If you like him." Asks again "Look, I'm not dumb, I've been looking at you, my friends too." She starts to explain and I shake my head.

"I met Alex a week ago, I don't know what you are talking about." I answer with a frown. Her question seems out of place, since I haven't known her for more than twenty minutes, but she keeps smiling the same way.

"That didn't sound like a no."

"That sounded like an I met him a week ago, I don't know him."

"So the fact that you have been looking at him all night at all times is pure chance? I'm gonna tell you again, June, I'm not stupid." The hostile tone sneaks into his voice and she no longer looks at me in the same sweet way as she did when she introduced herself, on the contrary.

"I don't understand the point of this conversation." I interrupt her and she takes a step towards to me, trying to intimidate me, but it makes me laugh, and no because I'm nervous, laughter of actual amusement. How is it that she could feel threatened by me?

"The point of this conversation is that you should know your place, June. That's the point, I'm trying to be kind, it's almost my duty to inform you, stay in your lane" She is no longer nice, she is almost angry, irritated by me.

"Is that a threat, Megan? Are we still in high school?" I raise my hand and push her away, returning her to the same distance she was before.

"Take it as you like" she says ignoring my question "As long as it is clear to you"

She ends and stares at me, with an arrogant look, as if she expected me to leave so she can have the last word. I was never the type of girl who fights for boys, and although she seemed to be used to it, I wasn't going to start now.

"No, in fact it wasn't clear to me, Megan, tell me if I understand it;" I begin to say when she seems to be convinced that I won't contradict her at all. "you, who have a very close relationship with Alex, come to ask me, someone totally oblivious to that relationship, to know my place. What I believe, Megan, is that if he and you have such a relationship, both should know your place, not me. Alex and you."

Before she could answer something, even make a face, I surround her and leave the kitchen, feeling a little lost where to go. I didn't want to tell Rory that this girl, Megan, had irritated me and that I wanted to go, it was ridiculous. But I also didn't want to stay and have to put up with her looking at me all night as if she was about to kill me. Maybe it is a bit of a coward of me to run out of the situation, but it is not very smart to stay there either.

I approached Rory, trying to hide the bad face I had, the last thing I wanted was a scandal and look like a fool. So I leaned to where he was sitting and whispered in his ear that I felt bad, if he could take me home.

"Already?" He asks and at that moment I couldn't hide my bad face.

"Yes, already. I have girl problems." I lie, because it is the only way Rory would understand it, or not, but he wouldn't ask about it.

"Well," He says simply "Go for your jacket and I'll wait for you outside." He gets up from his seat and looks for his car keys in the pocket of his pants. I turn around and head to where I remembered Alex's room is. I go in and close the door behind me. There is a king size bed in the middle of the room and above them, lots of coats of every colors; It is going to take a second to find mine. On the two sides of the bed are two small drawers, with a lamp in each one of them.

I don't stop to observe the place much, the sooner I leave, the better. I walk to the bed and start to dig through all the black jackets I find, none is mine. I hear the door open and slam shut, I get scared, startling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" I hear Alex's voice, less altered than I had found him when I arrived. I nod, I don't even try to say that it's alright because it's not. "Are you already leaving?"

"Oh yeah. I think I was kicked out," I answer as I continue searching through the coats.

"What?" I hear him confused, I stop what I am doing to look at him. He frowns, waiting for me to answer.

"Your girlfriend" I answer with determination, I don't even know why I do it, I know she isn't, but I'm so upset that that's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. "She introduced herself, She said something like, nice to meet you, I hope to see you around but not really, you know, she even threatened me a little." the anger is noticeable in my voice and in the way I spit the words one after the other, that seems to take him out of balance.

"Megan?" It's all he says. I stir again between the coats.

"Oh yes, her." I say, and just in time I find my jacket among many others. I put it on and I face him "I didn't come here to be treated in such a way Alex, I shouldn't be dealing with girls like her just because you don't clear things up"

I head towards the door and he follows me with his gaze, unable to say anything about it, with worried eyes. He turns when I put my hand on the door handle.

"Thanks for the invitation, Alex. But I don't like being in places where I'm not really welcome," I say and then leave the room without giving him the opportunity to say anything.

[r-romanoff]

Photon Blasts & Spider Webs

Chapter: 1 Part 1

Peter Parker x Male Reader

Master list

September, 23, 2019

"I don't want to, take me home." I pout siting in the back seat of the black car. "Well you definitely are your mother's son." Fury starts looking over at Maria to say something, "It'll be good for you, you'll get to make friends your age bud." She smiles unlocking the doors from the passenger seat.

"Mom was supposed to be here, can't I just stay with Wanda, or Roadie? What about Sam?" I question not wanting to move from my seat. The leather seat that felt warm as the car had been sitting in the sun for an hour before the two coaxed me into leaving the house. "Look you know that if she could be here she would, now that the Avengers base has been arguably repaired you'll get to see everyone afterschool. Now get out, first period is in 5." Fury explains the already memorised memo in my head.

"I just-" "HONK!!!!!!" I'm interrupted by the blazing sound of someone honking in the silver car behind us. "Out!" Fury and Maria almost yell in unison, turning to look at me with hints of annoyance. Seeing as I've been difficult to handle as of late. Taking a breath of air allowing the smell of the car to enter and exit my lungs I let out a small noise; "Fine." The faint sound that is barely audible escapes. Opening the door I step outside of the car taking in all of my surroundings, taking my first step onto the sidewalk. "HONK!!!!!!" I jump at the same car that was honking at me before, running into the crowded hallway trying to avoid attention. "First period" I whisper to myself to keep my brain focused in this sea of endless students. The noise of their voices crashing against my ears, like waves to the cliffs. All of them clearing down the hallway to look for their class. After a while of navigating the ocean of teenagers, the halls have almost dried up in people and noise allowing me to finally find my physics room.

As I walk in to the full room the students all turn to look at me as well as the teacher, an array of confused looks head my way. Until of course I'm able to utter out a small sentence; "I-I'm new!" I look around waiting for a response. At that I see a boys head from all the way in the back shoot up and give me a strange glance, almost as if he'd been waiting or looking for me. I stand and think about it for a split second until my attention is drawn away, by the teachers voice. "Oh right! Class I would like to introduce you to Y/N Danvers. He will be joining us for the remainder of the year." He explains as the same boy's expression changes, as if he has some sort of objective or motive. "So, who will volunteer to be his partner for the rest of the semester? Extra credit will be granted." At the teachers announcement two people out of the entire class raise their hand. The first was a blonde girl with blue/green eyes, sitting two rows from the front on the right side of the class. The second being the burnett boy in the back left corner of the class.

"Ah... Ms Brant, thank you so much for volunteering, as for you Mr Parker thanks for the effort. Y/N please take a seat over there thank you very much." The teacher said pointing next to the blonde girl as he continued the lesson. While taking my seat the girl next to me smiled, "Hi I'm Betty!" She introduced herself, whispering very enthusiastically. "I'm Y/N but you already know that by now." I smiled back "So what brings you to midtown high? If you don't mind me asking." She asks politely. "Well I have always lived kinda near, it wasn't until recently though after the blip that my family wanted to stop homeschooling me. Then my mom was like 'You are going to normal school to socialise and whatnot' so sorry if I come off a bit strange." I nervously began to ramble. "No way that I so cool, so you've never been to a real school before?" Betty sports a grin on her face. "Well no... is that a bad thing?" I nervously question. "Huh? Oh no. It's not a big deal at all don't worry stick with me and everything will be just fine." She gives a sturdy response, yes go me making new friends... I think. "Thanks, so how long have you been going here?" I ask directing the attention towards her. "Well this is my third year, so I'm finally a junior." She begins to laugh.

After a while of talking back and forth the entire first period is officially over, and I officially have a new friend. The the rest of the day however begins to move slowly as not many seemed as interested in me as Betty. That or I'm actually doing something wrong and everyone thinks I'm weird. Besides that, lunch has officially begun and I am officially lost, again. Walking down what looks like the same hallway over and over again, trying to navigate the maze of lockers and trophy cases while also passing the occasional water fountain and bathroom. Eventually giving up I collapse onto the floor crisscrossing in the middle of the hallway allowing a loud groan to escape my lips; "AAAAAhhh!!!" I cried out not expecting anyone to have heard. "Is anyone there?" An unexpected response is shot back at me. Not wanting anyone to see me in my miserable state I immediately stand up. As I begin to turn away from the cold spot on the floor under an air vent, the same voice speaks again only this time closer.

"Were you just sitting on the floor?" Turning around greet who ever was there my face had officially turned pink with embarrassment. "Y/N, right?" I see the same strange boy from my physics class. What is his deal why does something seem so off to me about him. He always has this look on his face I can never exactly, recognize. He seems to be either expecting something, planning, or carrying something out. I just don't know what. "Yes, Parker???" I reply quickly as possible hoping I wasn't thinking for to long. "Peter, Peter Parker. Nice to meet you" he holds out his hand, unsurely I take it and we shake hands. Feeling a small tingle as I pull away, "So are you lost, or... what are you doing i-if you don't mind me asking." He says almost nervously, quickly admitting defeat I decide to explain my situation. "Yes I- There's a lot of hallways." I smiled earning a small chuckle from my strange acquaintance. "I can help you get to where you're going if-" "Y/N!!!" Peter is cut of by a familiar booming voice coming from the other end of the hall. "I was looking for you everywhere, and then I was like 'wait he's new so he must have gotten lost' and I couldn't have my new friend lost after I said I would stick with him." Turning to see Betty is the one who was speaking, I smile at the thought that my new friend came looking. "Sorry, Peter was just about to help me out with that. Uh see you around?" You ask Peter as you being to walk towards Betty. "Uh, yeah see you around." Peter waves as he begins to walk away to the opposite side of the hall.

"So where we headed?" I ask Betty. "I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends, and show you around of course." As the day went on I had the rest of my periods with Betty, and a couple of them with Peter although we didn't really speak to each other. We just sort of acknowledged each one another. When the day was finally over I was making my way to the front of the school to get picked up, still thinking about how I survived the day. "Got any plans this Wednesday?" Betty greets walking beside me. "Not that I'm aware of." I shoot a look wondering what's to fallow. "Good I'm going to the mall with a couple people from school, so I wanted to know if you wanna come. You know because you're new just wanna make sure you find everything well here. Aka get the full teenage experience." She elaborates. "That actually sounds pretty fun, but I'm gonna have to check in with my family first." "That's alright, just text me. Also we're wearing pink, just a heads up." The enthusiastic blonde informs. As we had finally made it to the parking lot Betty waved goodbye as she got in the passengers seat of a red sports car and zoomed. Leaving me to wait for my ride, all alone.

*Buzz*

My cell vibrates Indicating that I've received a message. Looking to see who it was that texted me the name on the text says Wanda. However before I get a chance to open, it she begins to call. "Hello." I greet as I slide the green button. "Hey Y/N/N, how was the first day?" "Better than anticipated." "Told you!" I could hear her giggle through the phone. "I'm gonna picking you up a block away, ok." My sister figure spoke. "Coolness see you in a bit then." "In a bit."

An: I'm going to admit I was not expecting chapter 1 to be anything but short, but there will be a part two up by next week to this chapter. Before finishing the deadline was reached sorry. Ps the next part will probably also be filler

Also sorry for the prologue I wasn't happy with it, I'm not sure on whether or not I'll end up posting it though

Feel free to comment, also what's up with Peter he's acting weird.

Tag List (ask to be put on)

@klanceiscannon14 @wiitchy-wooo @multifandom-slytherin @jonnyjay2413 @lazerman217

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 1) H.S.

The sunlight is streaming through the curtains and gleaming off the vinyl flooring of my apartment while I try to force myself to roll out of bed. My alarm is screaming at me for the tenth time this morning. My eyes strain against the intrusion of light as I reach for my phone on the nightstand to stop the ringing in my ears from that damn alarm. I glance at the text on my screen from my best friend that I must have received after passing out around one am last night while trying to finish my essay.

Julie is almost the complete opposite of me in every way. She's unorganized and scatter brained and way more adventurous than I will ever be. But she also makes our little two-bedroom apartment feel like home even with the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink and as crazy as she drives me, I would honestly be lost without her.

Me: You know I had that essay to finish! But it sounds like you had fun like usual! I might have to join you next time! We'll see! Lol

I text back and head to the bathroom to hop in the shower before class. I turn the water on and wait impatiently for it to heat up, my tiny bathroom becomes filled with steam as the hot water helps wake me from my zombie state and relaxes my muscles. I'm dreading class this morning. My stupid elective class I took because I figured it would be an easy A to fill in the extra credits I need to graduate in May, but I am starting to realize that the easy A might not be worth the painful boredom of sitting in that stupid class twice a week. I hurry along getting ready as the morning is rushing by faster than I realized and soon I'm running out the door praying I have time to get coffee on the way.

*

I stick my key in the lock of my apartment door still sipping on my iced coffee. I feel mentally drained after having to put so much energy into staying awake in class, luckily it's the only class I have on Thursdays. I can smell the scrambled eggs as soon as I walk into the apartment. Julies favorite hangover food, I will never understand how that girl can go out so much during the week and still go to work and finish all her school.

I walk into the kitchen and I laugh to myself while taking in Julies disheveled appearance, the aftermath of her late night out.

"Shut up", She groans glaring at me from her spot in front of the stove.

"I'm sorry, but you look pathetic" I laugh again not being able to hold in my amusement.

"Don't be a bitch, you're just jealous that I had a blast last night while all you did was write a paper all damn night." Julie snaps at me but I can see the hint of a smile on her face.

"Alight alright" I say with my hands up in surrender not wanting to actually piss her off. I pull a barstool out from under the counter and take a seat across from her.

"I was serious when I said you are coming out with us this weekend" she huffs, "We are going to this cool hipster club that just opened down the road. It is going to be a lot of fun. And I'm not giving you a choice, so tomorrow night, we'll head out around ten." Her words rush out fast. I am assuming it's so I won't have the chance to interrupt her and make an excuse of why I will not be doing anything of the sort. I roll my eyes when she turns back around to flip her eggs.

"I really don't want to... It's been a long week between work and school and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch a movie." I groan at my relentless best friend. This is her third attempt in the past two weeks to try and get me to go out.

"Allie, you're 21, not 81. Would you please stop being so lame and just come out with us!" She pleads with me, "It'll be fun I swear!"

"Ughhhhh fine but if I hate it and get bored then I'm coming back home!" I say giving in but still hating the idea.

"Fine fine! Ahhhh yay!! It's going to be great!" Julie excitedly jumps up and down like she is twelve and are moms said yes to a sleep over on a school night. Finally she stops, leaving her dark brown hair messier than it was before, if that is even possible. I try my best not to laugh at her again.

"Alright I'm going to go to my room for a bit before I have to go to work at 6. Do you work tonight?" I ask. Her work schedule is constantly changing every week I can never keep up.

"Yea unfortunately, I wanna call out but I can't because I have tomorrow night off to go out and I actually need to make some money for a change." She says with a groan.

"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow! Be sure to put on your best fake smile and maybe brush your hair or something or you won't be getting very many tips tonight" I tease her as I walk to my room. I turn around just in time to see her middle finger raised in the air at me with a smile on her face.

*

My evening shift at the local coffee shop blurs by as the hipster kids and sorority girls shuffle in and out throughout the evening. I found I was convincing myself that going out tomorrow night is exactly what I need to get out of this comfortable rut I have found myself in the past few months. With graduation about three months away I should probably have some actual fun before my college days come to an end even though night clubs are not exactly my idea of fun.

*

I wake to a loud pounding on my bedroom door. "Allie!!! Get up! We have to pick out an outfit for you for tonight! I have to leave for work soon! Get up! We won't have time later!" Julie continues banging on my door.

"Ugh, Jules! Give me like 10 minutes!" I groan back at my annoying best friend. She insisted last night that she had to pick out an outfit for me because I don't know what a proper "club outfit" is.

Ten minutes later I've brushed my teeth and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. I open my bedroom door to find Julie sitting impatiently at the counter with a cup of coffee.

"Okay, come on in and let's get this over with." I say to her rolling my eyes. This is not what I want to be doing at nine am.

"Oh stop being so dramatic." Julie mumbles at me as she walks past me and into my room.

I follow behind her and sit on my bed as she starts to dig through my closet for her version of an acceptable outfit for this evening.

"Okay, so we want something sexy but also comfortable. Maybe some skinny jeans and a cute tank top. Or even a jean skirt," she says excitedly.

"Sexy. Really. You know I can't pull off sexy." I mumble at her. Does she honestly think I can be sexy. She has definitely lost it. In the thirteen years she has known me I have never been sexy. I don't even own anything that could be considered sexy.

"Yes, sexy. You have the curves all you're missing is the attitude Al."

I don't have the first clue on how to come off as sexy, but I have a feeling Julie is going to teach me. This was such a bad idea. I can already tell that tonight is going to be a disaster.

Twenty minutes later I'm standing in front of my closet staring at myself in the floor length mirror in one of Julies jean skirts that rests nicely on my hips and stops a few inches above my knees and only makes me slightly uncomfortable. She has paired her jean skirt with one of my low-cut white tank tops and a pair of short strappy black heels. Lucky for me it has been a warm winter and it only gets into the mid-sixties right now at night here in Georgia. Especially considering Julie told me I am not allowed to wear the gray cardigan I tried to put over the tank top.

"So? What do you think?" Julie asks me while I stare at myself in the mirror. She's beaming, obviously proud of her work.

"Umm I like the outfit, but I'm not sure," I mumble.

She rolls her dark brown eyes at me, "Allie, you look hot trust me. You just have to own it. That is the key to being sexy, it is all about the confidence."

"Alright," I try to say with a sense of confidence, but my voice betrays me and I sound even more unsure than before.

"Shit, I have to go I am going to be late for work" Julie says as she rushes out of my room. "You look amazing! I will be back in time for us to do our hair and makeup before we leave! See you later girlie!" She yells to me before she slams the front door closed behind her.

I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding as I look at myself once more in the mirror. My chest fills the tank top nicely threatening to overflow because of the pushup bra Julie forced me to wear even though she knows I hate wearing it because it makes my boobs look even bigger than they already are. She doesn't understand that problem seeing as she barely has any boobs. The tight tank top paired with the fitted jean skirt shows off my tiny waist and curvy hips. The jean skirt goes down just far enough to cover my full upper thighs. Overall I don't hate the outfit as much as I expected to, if I wear my long blonde hair down and maybe curl it a little I think I might be able to pull it off.

I groan staring at myself in the mirror one last time before collapsing onto my bed. I have no idea what to expect tonight I haven't been out since my freshman year. Even though Julie will be there I can already see myself sitting in the corner the whole night. I hope the night won't be a complete disaster. At least all our friends will be there and I can catch up with Emily. I push away the anxiety as I hang my outfit for tonight back up and head to take a shower.

I'm sitting on the couch buckling the straps of my black heels as Julie walks out of her room looking like a Victoria Secret model in her tight dress that leaves little to the imagination. She spent an hour doing my hair and make up after she got home from work and I spent most of that hour telling her to tone it down. It has always been that way with us. She is the one who wears full make up and heels almost everyday and I am the one who forces myself to put on eyeshadow every now and again and wears converse as much as possible. But somehow we always seem to balance each other out, she helps me step out of my comfort zone and I keep her from being arrested.

"See this is why I don't go out with you!" I grumble at her.

"What are you talking about? I didn't even do anything!" Julie says defensively while grabbing her matching clutch off the kitchen counter.

“You didn't have to, you just come out looking like that and when I stand next to you I look like a freakin sack of potatoes!"

"Are you kidding me!?! Look at you! I wish I had those curves! We both look great and we are ending the conversation there." Julie says annoyed at my comment.

"Whatever." I mumble back.

"You are not going to start this night pouting, so get over yourself and let's go the Uber is ready downstairs!" she says sternly. Julie is the kind of person who has no problem telling you how it is, she has been that way ever since we were kids.

The Uber ride to the club lasted barely five minutes leaving just enough time for my stomach to get queasy with nerves. The car comes to a stop in front of a building littered with people stumbling in and out of the doors. Julie says a rushed 'thank you!' to the Uber driver as she pulls me out of the car behind her.

"Come on! Everyone else is already inside!" she says as she pulls me along after her and into the crowded building. I glance at my phone it is now ten o'clock, I will stay till at least midnight and then leave I decide.

The room is so dark it is hard to see the faces of the strangers as we shove our way through the crowd to find our group of friends waiting for us. There is a slight stench of smoke in the air and my heels stick to the floor just enough for me to notice. I hate this already. Julie is aggressively pushing her way through the overly friendly crowd of strangers. I decide that my best bet is to stare at the back of her head and follow closely behind her so I don't get lost. Suddenly Julie does a high pitch squeal letting me know she has found our friends. Our usual group of friends are standing around a high top table toward the back corner of the club. There's Maya, who Julie and I met in freshman English. Julie gets along with her better than I do because they have similar personalities and Maya will go out with her any day of the week where I will not. Then there is Dylan the common frat boy with the perfect hair and teeth, wearing his usual khaki pants and button up shirt. Maya and Dylan have been dating for a little over a year now. Next to the already drunk Dylan is his best friend Sam. Sam is in the same frat as Dylan and despite being best friends, Sam is sweet, polite, and funny unlike Dylan who is usually obnoxious. Sam is much more attractive than Dylan with his light brown hair cut short and his muscular arms looking perfectly tanned in his white button up. On the other side of the table there is Tabitha and Emily. Tabitha and Maya have known each other since middle school so they are really close similar to Julie and I. Wherever Maya is, Tabitha is usually close by. I get along best with Emily out of the three girls. She is quieter than the others and although she has no problem going out and having a good time she has a lot of other priorities she is focused on as school is coming to an end. We tend to sit and talk whenever we are all hang out while everyone else is drinking and goofing off.

"No way! Allie you actually came!?!" Maya says too dramatically bringing the attention of the whole group to me. "I mean Julie said you were coming but I thought she was just joking!" Maya continues with an annoying giggle and I force myself not to roll my eyes at her.

"Good to see you too Maya. Can someone point me in the direction of the bar please." I say to hopefully change the topic. I am going to definitely need a drink to get me through this night.

"I was just about to go get myself a drink if you wanna come with me?" Sam offers with a smirk making me blush like always.

"That would be great! Thanks," I say with a smile.

Sam is quiet most of the time but he is charming. And he is one of those guys who is absolutely gorgeous and has no idea.

Julie rushes over to the girls and the giggling starts instantly as Sam and I walk away from the group.

We make it to the bar with Sam only having to guide me past one group of drunk guys. Even with heels on I am still quite short making navigating the crowded club difficult as I can't see where I'm going. I order my usual crown apple and sprite, and try to refuse when Sam wants to pay for my drink but ultimately he wins as he hands the bartender cash and walks away with me following behind.

"So are you as ready for graduation as I am?" Sam awkwardly starts conversation over the loud club music as we make our way back to our group of friends. This was the usual with Sam. For a guy who is this attractive and has girls falling all over him, he always comes off awkward when we try and talk.

"Yeah I'm so excited, but also incredibly nervous. There is too many decisions still left to make," I awkwardly laugh.

"I get that. You would think that since we are finally finishing we would be less stressed out not more," Sam says with laugh.

I turn to respond catching his blue eyes, leaving me speechless. I am saved as we arrive at the table and Sam is greeted by Tabitha begging him to dance with her. She clearly already had a few drinks and Sam is too sweet to say no.

The night feels like it is dragging on forever. I'm not having a bad time but there is definitely other things I would rather be doing and on top of that Julie seems to be in a crap mood for some unknown reason so she is not making the night any better for me. It has been about an hour and a half and I've had three drinks making me just tipsy enough that my nerves have vanished.

"Jules I really have to pee!" I whine at her again.

"Okay okay, just give me a minute," She says staring at her phone.

"I've been waiting like ten. Just point me in the direction of the bathroom. I will just go by myself," I say back irritated as I sway back and forth to help with my urgent need to pee.

"Okay fine, go towards the bar and to the left," She instructs me without look away from her phone. I am trying not to get annoyed at her but she begged me to come out and has barely said two words to me since we got here.

"Thank you!" I say dragging the words out dramatically.

I make it to the bathroom without any issues to my surprise considering the three drinks I have had and the crowd seeming to have grown in the last hour. Luckily there is only one girl in line and I don't have to wait long. I wash my hands and check my make up in the mirror surprised it still looks almost perfect. I walk out of the bathroom and reach down pulling the hem of my skirt further down my legs as I walk.

"Ugh fuck!" I mumble as I collide with something solid and liquid pours down my skirt and legs.

"Oh shit! Sorry!" I hear a thick English accent respond.

I look up to find bright green eyes staring directly into mine. They are slightly covered by a mop of beautiful dark brown curls. His eyes stay locked on mine so intently that I have to look away so he can't see me blush under his gaze.

"It's fine. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention." I say faster than I intended as I wipe at my skirt.

"Wait a minute, let me uhh...." the handsome stranger starts to say as he looks around and then disappears and reappears with a rag from the bar.

"Here, I'm really sorry," He says again holding his hand out to me with the rag in it.

I take a second to glance at the tattoos covering most of his left arm. Quickly dragging my attention back to the liquid running down my legs I grab the rag hoping he didn't notice my staring. I wipe at the remainder of whatever he had in his cup off my legs and look up to find him staring again.

"Thanks," I mumble quietly despite the loud music as I hand him back the rag. My cheeks feel like they are burning, partially from the alcohol in my system and partially from his staring.

“The least I could do. I'm Harry," He says with a smile revealing large dimples in his cheeks while holding out his empty right hand for me to shake. I stare at his outstretched hand for a minute before grabbing it.

"Allie, nice to meet you. Sort of," I say returning his smile and taking his hand in mine. His large hand makes mine feel even smaller.

"Allie." he repeats with a smirk. His accent making it sound beautiful while his eyes continue to stare into mine making my stomach flutter. I am so happy I downed that third drink or his stare alone would have made me a mumbling mess by now.

[movienotesbyzawmer]

August 21: Mission: Impossible II

(previous notes: Mission: Impossible)

Not gonna lie, this is without question the Mission: Impossible movie that is remembered most unfavorably by me and, I'm pretty sure, everyone else. My recollection is that they tried SO SO SO SO HARD to make an action movie for Today's Kids; I'm typing this with the title screen of the 4K Blu-ray blasting its turn-of-the-millennium neo-metal version of the classic theme with Tom Cruise running in front of a wall of flame and it's just like come on. Is there even must fun spycraft in this? The first one promised lots of gravely furtive glancing, world-class makeup disguises, and dazzling gadgetry. Did this movie's director John Woo replace those with just way way way too much shooting and chasing and sexy vehicles? That's how I remember it but it's been a couple of decades.

I should probably address this series' exciting approach to director selection. The first one was directed by the legendary Brian De Palma, who brought us Carrie, The Untouchables, and Carlito's Way. Whether or not this one worked out, the trend here seemed to be to choose a respected director with a certain cred that could be imported into the franchise. More on that as this series unfolds. I am now to press play.

Opening scene is about a scientist who injects himself with something while a voiceover teases us with I-already-forget-what.

Oh, he's pals with Ethan; they're on a plane together out of Sydney when some bad-guy shenanigans totally thwart the whole fly-to-the-destination-safely thing. But! It wasn't even Ethan! It was good-ol' makeup fake-outery! It was a heist to take the warn leather pouch that the scientist had.

This I remember - during the opening credits, the REAL Ethan Hunt is climbing somewhere impressive, all freestyle like. All the related supplemental marketing materials never fail to talk up Tom Cruise's penchant for doing his own stunts, but these don't look real.

He then receives a fancy techno-message in a very, very dramatic and action-movie-ish fashion, which is that someone flies a helicopter by his climbing mountain and fires a rocket near him containing message-glasses tech! The voice in the message glasses sounds like Anthony Hopkins. Is it Anthony Hopkins?

Anyway now he has to go to Spain to recruit Thandie Newton and here is where it's already starting to get way too the-style-of-John-Woo. There is a flamenco show and Ethan and TN spot each other across the room. There is SLO MOTION and SPANISH STOMPING and ACOUSTIC GUITAR, and THOSE TWO GAZING AT EACH OTHER. I tell you I do not care for it.

What happens next is TN proceeds to use fancy technology and lockpicking skills to steal a well-concealed necklace. Ethan tags along flirtatiously. She still tries to steal the necklace even though this Lothario, this smarmy but irresistible cad, is trying to distract her with his testosterone.

Ugh, I was very right to remember not liking stuff about this movie. Ethan fails to recruit her at the jewel heist, so he car-chases at her the next day! He calls her during the car chase to irritate/seduce her, and she's all "you'll have to catch me ha ha", and it ends in a nearly fatal crash and then they KISS. The director worked very hard to ensure the kissing was HAWT, and Ethan has now successfully recruited TN for both spy work and boinkage.

Anthony Hopkins! He is in the next scene! That really was him! How did I forget that he is in this movie. This scene where he meets with Ethan and fills him in on everything is effectively expository. But then after he knows what he's gotta do, he walks with INTENSITY and it is in SLOW MOTION next to a BURNING EFFIGY THING with ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC GOING ON.

0:33:40 - Oh now it's a little more what I like, with a montage about using spy tech to get Ambrose, the bad guy who was pretending to be Ethan on the plane in the beginning, to track TN. And to further assure us that there is techie-fun to be had, Ving Rhames returns to be that guy for Ethan's team. But there is also time in this sequence for shots of TN walking slowly and looking super pretty. You know, so she can seduce Ambrose. A flowing scarf figures prominently in this imagery. A John Woo Film.

I like that they tricked Ambrose into thinking he is so damn smart for tracking her down. I also like Ambrose's compound on Sydney Harbour, it is a bitchin property.

Scene just happened where Ambrose seriously menaces his friend and uses a cigar-clipper on his finger. Ambrose is a bad friend.

But then they're all at the horse race game, even Ambrose's injured friend, who we learn is named Stemp and who is spying on TN, and Ethan and VR are spying on them all. There are shots of TN doing sleight of hand to steal a tape from Ambrose's pocket and it's pretty good spy-shot stuff.

I guess I should mention that there's one more guy on Ethan's team of four, an Australian guy. I haven't caught his name, so he is Australian Guy now, and he is pretending to be an employee of the horse race game venue. He gets bullied by Stemp! We don't like Stemp!

The tape she stole, they watch it right away and it shows footage of what the virus (there's a virus problem at the center of this) does. It is effective, and a little shocking.

But then, this is surprisingly actually kind of well-conveyed - they made it VERY clear that the tape was originally in Ambrose's left jacket pocket, and they showed very clearly that TN returned it to the wrong jacket pocket, AND it's obvious a moment later that Ambrose knows it has been replaced in the wrong jacket pocket. Don't know why, but at least it's keeping us on top of this situation.

Also not-too-shabby is how they're doing the consequences of Ethan and TN fancying each other, except then she has to go and seduce Ambrose and that's uncomfortable and drama-making. In Ethan's defense, as well as Ambrose's, I am also in love with TN right now.

1:02:12 - Ethan disguised himself as Scientist, the dead one from the beginning, and I'm just saying I'm glad this movie is embracing the disguise-craft theme that was established in the first movie. Ooh, is the show like that too?

And then just as I've typed that, it turns out that Ambrose did an Ethan disguise (it was established by Anthony Hopkins that Ambrose was an IMF agent so he can do that stuff too) to trick TN into outing her intentions. They make it very clear that there is voice-fake tech with their disguises that involves a wire mesh thing stuck to the throat.

Next up is a heist scheme to break into a skyscraper where they're growing stuff about the virus, and it's a little bit of that style I liked so much in the last movie, with the added twist that Ambrose is somewhere else anticipating what Ethan's planning, and, I think, plotting a separate, way-better heist. They're still talking about it and the heist is happening and it is suspenseful! I totally like this more than I remember.

1:13:30 - Ethan is at the part of the heist where he's at fancy lab facilities with robot arms and AI voices and oddly no people. VR and Australian Guy are observing everything that's happening using technology and Australian Guy's helicopter, making it more suspenseful, but I also don't know exactly what's going on? We appear to be where Scientist originally injected himself, and Ethan is I think killing the virus while also somehow visualizing Scientist injecting himself.

But then that all goes away because a platoon of thugs in black burst in and are shooting at Ethan. It all quickly became an action movie with blazing guns and VR's tech van getting bombed.

In the fracas it's clear that one of the injector guns contains the last of the virus, and also gunplay might shatter it and make them all infected, so that's decent suspense. But also, the lighting in this bio-lab is like a nightclub, with inexplicably roving spotlights and neon accents that pop in 4K.

TN is in the mix, and she decides to inject the last of the virus into herself, and there's a dumb moment where it's like ETHAN YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SHOOT ME WITH YOUR GUN and Ethan, Man of Ethics, does not do that. Instead there is more gunplay and Ethan jumps out a hole he made in the wall.

1:28:45 - We've moved to new location, a new compound, and it's on a guard-patrolled island and Ethan sneaks up on a guard and does a totally unnecessary body-flip martial arts move to take him out. I think he needs to steal the antidote from this compound so that he can save TN, who is somewhere else. He is visually passionate about this mission.

Ethan got caught sneaking in to this new compound by Stemp, and he did a whole grenade blowup thing but he still got caught. It's a trick, right? Yup, he put an Ethan mask on Stemp and a Stemp mask on himself and got Ambrose to kill Stemp. He realizes he just killed Stemp because of the finger injury, good job with that.

I am reminded that this movie is from the director of Face/Off, so I needn't have feared that the mask/disguise conceit would be forsaken.

But did he get the antidote? He must have. Sometimes when I'm typing notes I miss stuff, but he's now motorcycling away while VR and Australian Guy are providing support from their chopper.

This is now the vehicle-chase opera that I remember ending the movie so terribly extendedly. Much gunplay. Vehicles pirouette with violent elegance. Ethan can do such exquisite dances with his motorcycle and firearm. This climaxes in the ridiculous feat of Ethan and Ambrose riding their cycles at each other and jumping at off them at each other to finish the job sans vehicle. It ends as a tussle on the beach, and Ambrose has a knife that almost gets in Ethan's eye. The visual on that is striking. But it's no good, Ethan is too Tom Cruise for him. He gets the knife from him and DISCARDS THE KNIFE, and punch-kick-fights him a lot instead. Ethics.

Turns out Ambrose has a gun after all oh no. But then it turns out Ethan is standing by a sand-obscured gun somehow also oh good. He does a thoroughly storyboarded sand-kick-body-twirl gun recovery that ends like you'd guess.

So although there are some dumb things about this movie, I think it's better than I remembered. And having just watched the first one, I think it actually did a good job of having a story where you don't have to ignore a lot of stupidness. It's not like it's an especially good plot, but it didn't try to make you forget its holes like the first one. I still like the first one better, though.

(next: Mission: Impossible III)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

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The Mayor of NYC just announced about the closing of the school year and how they tried to bridge the,gap for inequality for 6 years

I'm being honest and I'm not talking shit about him or any administration

I'm talking shit about people

This happens all the time. In elementary schools I shit you Not it happened in a 5th grade class room at La Promosa when I was substituting.

Fights and arguments were more common in high schools

In the middle school in 2016 the first month of classes there was 338 fights before classes started. And teachers trying to break it up got hit.

Im not kidding you. I don't live in the ghetto. I live ina community where they pride themselves on being the best and one of the most upper in all ways of the entire state. Where the government and schools work hard for this. They have won all kinds of awards that had absolutely nothing to do with me

I don't do that kind of system. As you see i do equality for police i do earning by deserving by showing workmanship.

But i don't do favor awards because of where i live. I was against Facebook coming to Los Lunas because we don't have a good traffic system. We have extra bad rush hour traffic that can take 3 hours to go 2 miles. So i was against Facebook coming and causing more traffic through town.

But they came and that had absolutely nothing to do with me. No shame. I don't work in the government. And they're only using solar electricity. So im not gonna bitch about it. It is good for the jobs and so on.

I'm just saying i was against it.

Because the point no matter how hard we try for our community or our schools

There's people that will fight for no reason.

So Mayor Bill while you find it painful, you may be saving some people some pain. Children being bullied. Fights such as these being hidden in school bathrooms. And so much more.

Schools were initially designed to be a safe place

But they aren't any more.

So i just wanted to explain that to all of you.

Seriously the middle school in 2016 had in the 2016 to 2017 school year, 74225 fights/arguments of high intensity that caused disruption in the hearts.

My primary school before i became unable to walk was the middle school. But it was heartbreaking.

What I saw was children coming from a home environment with one teacher and a playground.

Now our elementary schools do a block to prepare them for middle school because the change is so disruptive. So starting in 4th to 6th they change classes for certain subjects. But its only about 4 teachers per grade. So and if one is sick or has a sub or something or the teachers decide they don't want to for special projects they stay in their regular class.

Every thing else they had their whole life. Music and art and PE teachers.

Then thrown into 7 different teachers. No play ground. No desks to keep their things. No lockers. Every one new including the school grounds. They have to carry all their stuff all day in book bags.

It is the most inhumane treatment in the world.

And to make matters worse it's when they go through puberty.

I went to that school over all the schools in the district because i knew they needed me. Because they broke my heart. Because they had a constant cloud of darkness over their school.

Because they were in Hell.

Things were so used to. Things we survived. That we dont have the time to take to realize how much trouble the future of our children are in.

Just the way the school system is organized. Elementary. Middle/Intermediate/Jr High. High school.

I saw memes about zombies wanted in this WWIII

Look into the eyes of a child in Jr high. You'll see the walking dead.

I'm not kidding yoh. They tore my soul apart and broke my heart.

Every day i had to go Just to be there. Just to absorb the air. To make it cleaner for another day for them.

Turn out one set of lights. Open the blinds for the sun to come in. Do what i could to allow their brains to receive oxygen

And not neon fluorescent tube light's radiation.

Let their lungs expand and breathe so they could learn.

That is just is a basic.

It didn't help long term. Just a basic band aid.

Then allow them a voice. Allow them to speak on their own.

So, my choice to pay governments to shut down schools of 5 Billion dollars NYC will get...

It is for a reason.

My choice to have children at home worldwide

Is because i saw the suicidal desire in children's eyes. Because just of the change of the ways school systems are established.

Those children need to be home to recover.

They need more help than you will ever know.

They need more hugs and love and home cooked suppers and Happy Meals than you can imagine.

I care about those kids. I care about their parents and guardians. I care if they're homeless and on their own.

I worked plenty of special ed as well as regular education. Special ed was my favorite because they tried to blow through that black cloud every day and they also did it for the people around them

While they're termed stupid and dumb because of their lack of reading or math ability, most are the strongest of all the schools to bring light into the lives of others.

I remember this girl. She looked so dead inside. She walked up to me slow and in pain. "Idk what to do today I can't concentrate. I just don't feel right"

I looked around the room..

"Do you need the nurse?"

"No"

"Well I think you're not going to be okay take your things and go sit over my John. So I don't have to keep yelling at him for talking. Tell him I said to talk to you. He's the kid in the back from here against the wall three seats or rows back however you call them"

At that time i didn't know he was in reading special ed. I had not done his class period yet.

But i felt the most positive energy coming from his area of the room and he looked like the leader of that zone. I worried it was a mistake. That he could lead her astray.

I saw the darkness deepen "i said for her to go over there" the cloud prevented their brains from hearing and processing "HEY! YOU WANNA TALK? TALK TO HER! BECAUSE I SAID OR ILL SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPAL. OR HEY COME HERE AND ILL EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU"

So he came up "what? Im trying to be good. And she told me i had to talk to her"

"Am i here every day? No I'm not. There's something wrong with her. Its probably something at home that has nothing to do with you. Or maybe her and her friends got into a fight. Whatever. But what i do know is you like being the center of attention and talking a lot. So what i need you to do is talk to her. Not solely but include her in your group. Can you look st her please? Tell me what you see."

"Like she wants to die or some one to take her out and shoot her in the street"

My tears prevented me from saying more "then i think you know how to handle her without doing that. Do you play a lot of video games?"

"I used to. But my mom and dad kept taking it away for me being bad in school. I have it now though i just haven't played in years"

"Well i tell you, John, i think you should start playing more as a reward from me for helping her. And you should tell your parents you're doing well socially. And she should change her seat"

"What do you think has happened to her? Something bad or...?"

"I think she's just alone. Maybe just this class or. What this is right after lunch? She may just being of a social anxiety for leaving her friends from the cafeteria"

His eyes light up "I've been in special ed all my life!! I know exactly what that is!! I can help!! Thank you Miss Teach!!"

I never saw that girl again. She ceased to exist. That class never existed again. It transformed completely into a smiling sunny happy class room. It didn't matter if all the lights were off.

Each and every single child in that room shone with brightness...

It wasn't over night. It took Team Work.

But they worked it. And it worked.

Im not talking shit about the teachers. The teacher gave them work i didn't need to teach. Just work they already knew how. Which gave me the opportunity to look and view the students in a way she didn't have the time or freedom of mind to. A lot of time she just gave them a "catch up day" catch up on old assignments and homework they hadn't turned in. She gave them one every 2 weeks so she didn't have to fail them. So she just added one in or switched it from the regular day. And she had extra credit worksheets for them to do when they finished.

So no matter what you do. There's always gonna be a problem.

Our problem for Quarentine is Essiential workers. They can't stay home. They can't give nor receive the special attention their family and friends deserve.

This is why worldwide people are saluting and applauding and thanking and doing charity for them.

This is why we set aside special vacations and money for them and their families.

Yes you, too, my store workers. Including Wal-Mart. I got shamed yesterday by one of my stout workers i always see in Wal-Mart that goes the extra mile. "What about us. Ain't no one said shit especially you"

He didn't say the word shit but... You know what i mean. It's what i heard.

Which is funny cause the last time i saw him he was stocking toilet paper.

So understand why shutting down the schools is so essiential. Why communities are being paid so much. No community school district is being paid less than $6 million to shut down for the school year.

I want you to understand why.

Because its out of control. Its dangerous. And it is damaging our humans and aliens. And it is damaging our future on Earth to be successful.

So you stressed out moms.. Chill the fuck out.

Please. Please for the love of God.

Assualt your child with a hug. Just grab them and say "i didn't know. I'm here for all those moments you felt alone. Just come and find me and ask to do something together"

Assault them with love.

This is World War 3 people. Get into action!!!