#but i do not feel like I've caught up to that fact
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pastafossa · 3 days ago
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So I unnerved the neighbors again.
It's late at night. I've just gotten out of the shower, and am preparing for bed in the bathroom. Normally once I'm done I throw on my fuzzy robe, go get a glass of water, and am off to bed. However, I realize I've left my robe upstairs in my bedroom. It's cold as fuck in the house, so I'm not just using a towel to cover up and go up. Fortunately for ME, I happened to have something else to wear in the bathroom:
My giant ass, warm and cozy possum onesie I wore for Halloween, completely with possum head hood which I pull up because it doesn't feel right NOT to pull it up when it's available, you can't half-ass wearing this sort of shit.
So into the kitchen I go for my water, dressed as a literal possum, cozy and warm. In the light, I am adorable.
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But in the kitchen, I am not in the light. Much like real possums, both because they do not understand electricity and because they like the dark, I don't turn on the lights. I get my glass, fill it up, and am fully intending to head to bed. But I am a tiny bit hungry, and a tiny bit high, I realize, and, well... shredded cheese makes a nice late night snack.
So I get my bag of shredded cheese (taco cheese specifically if you must know), and am just standing their munching out of the bag, in the dark, dressed as a possum. I am content.
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I think you can see where this is going.
Yet again, I have failed to remember the kitchen window and the direct proximity of the neighbor's window.
She was also getting a drink.
I glance up.
Eye contact is made.
Her:
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And my possum ass and my mouthful of cheese is just like
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We stared for a long moment.
I don't know what else to do, so I awkwardly just... wave.
Do you know that clip where Homer backs away into the bushes? That was her.
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Between this, the previous 2AM cheese eating encounter, and the fact that she once caught me outside at midnight holding my snake up to the full moon because every snake should get to enjoy that at least once, I think this might be why only her husband speaks to me.
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dreamsteddie · 2 days ago
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AITA Steddie Au Part Three
Part Two
Hello! Sorry for the delay! This week was very busy with student conferences and my own midterms so I haven't had a lot of time to work on this. This is more of an interlude building up to bigger things, but I hope you enjoy it!
Also! Get in the comments if you have any ideas of an actual name for this series so I can stop calling it AITA Steeddie Au. I can't think of anything good 😓
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Eddie takes Steve on that second date.
And then a third and a fourth and eventually he stops counting because he's seeing Steve as often as he can between their jobs and other responsibilities. He feels high off it, giddy with possibility and hope for this new thing that he's never had before.
Eddie has done relationships before, a couple of times. A small handful of boys and girls he took out on dates and tried his best to woo all went up in flames one way or another, but none of those relationships left him feeling so gone so fast. He felt like he was always holding himself back from giving himself up completely, too afraid of falling without a safety net to reach for that deep devotion he's always craved.
Steve makes him feel like they're plunging into that unknown together.
Still, no matter how much he's been trying to avoid it, the looming specter of what the hell to do about his friends is looming over his head.
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"Are you fucking serious right now dude?" Eddie asks, a complicated mix of righteous anger, humiliation for himself and Steve, and complete disbelief at Gareth's unwillingness to back down from this making it increasingly difficult to keep his cool.
"Look man, all I'm saying is that Steve is like, the complete antithesis of literally everything we stand for. He's a nepo baby business major who's never had an original thought in his life! I would know! I've read one of his papers." Gareth says, forced nonchalance coloring his tone and riling Eddie up even more.
He rears up, shoulders pushing back and hands grasping at the air like he could pull down his frustration from the either and condense it into a solid ball he could lob at Garteth's head to finally knock some goddamn sense into his brain.
"Hey, hey, hey. Okay, Eddie, I'm really sorry about this. It was a fucked up idea, I don't know what we were thinking." Jeff interveins before the frustrated banshy noises Eddie is letting out turn into another yelling match that won't get anyone anywhere.
"I think we just got too caught up wanting to help you get out of this rut and it all turned into something completely insane. You don't gotta forgive us Eddie, but if there's anything we can do to try and make up for it, we'll do it. Isn't that right Gareth?" Jeff pointedly asked with a look that says agree with me right now or else.
Gareth doesn't say anything.
The thing about all of this that Eddie just can't wrap his head around is the why. Why would his friends, his sheepies, do something so cruel? He knows none of them have ever looked kindly at people like Steve. Too many traumatizing high school humiliations behind them all to trust when someone who looks so much like all the guys who bullied them in high school tries to reach out, but Gareth and Jeff have never tried something like this. In fact, it's used to be Eddie doing most of the anti-jock revenge planning back in the day, even if nothing ever actually came from it.
He thought, incorrectly it seems, that they had grown out of the worst of it by now. It's been three years since Garteth graduated, and five since Eddie made his final attempt, and leaving their hometown behind did a lot to heal old hurts.
So why this? Why now?
"Is this seriously how it's going to be man? You won't tell me what the fuck any of this was really about and you're not even going to try and apologize? Seriously?" The righteous anger is starting to seep out of him, leaving behind a bone-deep exhaustion.
Gareth just continues to stare at him defiantly, not saying a word.
Eddie pinches his nose and takes a deep breath, "You know what? Fine. Whatever. If this is how it's going to be then I'm out. Jeff, I'll talk to you later, probably not for a little bit though. Gareth?" The other man lifts his head from where he'd been looking down at his shoes. There were tears in his eyes, just a little bit but enough for Eddie to clock it. Face red from some unnamed cocktail of emotions Eddie doesn't have the energy or desire to interrogate right now. "Call me when you're ready to grow the fuck up. I've got a second date to plan."
With that, Eddie turned on his heel and made for the open garage door.
"What about the band, man?!" Gareth called.
Eddie kept walking.
-------
That was over four weeks ago.
He hasn't spoken to Gareth for most of that time. The first couple of days he blew up his phone with angry to half-apologizing texts that Eddie promptly ignored. After the second day, he sent a single text back letting him know he didn't want to talk unless he had a real explanation and apology to give both him and Steve and that he was going to block his number for a little while. He could let Freak know if he was ever ready to talk like adults. Eddie trusted him to tell if Gareth was being genuine.
In other news.
Waking up to strong arms secured around his naked waist is fast becoming Eddie's favorite way to start the day. He and Steve slept together for the first time last week, and since then it's like neither of them can get enough of each other.
"Hey, baby." Steve rasps in his ear, tilting his head down to smear sleepy kisses onto his shoulder. The hand that was resting against his ribs meanders its way down to the trail of hair under his navel, scratching just a little and making Eddie feel like a contented mutt. He's not sure if he should feel horny or like he could sink into the mattress and sleep for another full 8 if Steve keeps holding him like his.
"Mornin' sweetheart." he says deciding that a couple more hours of sleep is definitely the way to go. Steve, it seems, has other idead.
"What you thinkin' about this early in the morning?" He asks, hand continuing to scratch lazily at Eddie's stomach like he's not completely destroying Eddie's will and ability to focus on anything but the warm body behind him.
But it's been a long time coming, and as much as he doesn't want to, Eddie needs to start thinking about what he wants to do about his friends? former friends? estranged family? band and Steve deserves to be a part of the conversation.
Eddie sits up, bringing Steve up with him to rest against the headboard. "I've been thinking about the band. Gareth and Jeff, that is." He pauses, waits for some kind of reaction that doesn't come. Steve looks concerned, but not in the way he thought he would.
"Ok." Steve responds, waiting for more.
"I guess I just don't know what to do." He looks out into the middle distance of Steve's bedroom. Takes in the display of swim, basketball, and baseball trophies displayed proudly on a shelf, catching the early morning light. "I'm still so fucking mad. It's honestly kind of irritating how mad it makes me to think of what they did. It was so fucking stupid."
Steve hums a little, letting Eddie get it out.
"But at the same time I can't help but fucking miss them. Miss the music and the campaigns and everything else." It's honestly been eating him alive, the mix of anger and longing he's been feeling for his friends. The constant longing to go back in time and stop them from concocting this shit show but also, like, stalk Gareth to his 8 AM Business class so he can run into Steve and they can fall in love at first sight or some shit.
Silence.
Steve shifts. Moves so he can look Eddie right in the face. He looks thoughtful in a way that Eddie had to get used to. Sometimes when Steve is thinking hard about something, he scrunches his face in such a way that it makes him look like he's judging you. He isn't, it's just an unfortunate fact of life that his baby has a resting Judgemental Face™.
Steve heaves out a big breath, bringing Eddie back down to earth. "I mean, I don't want to, like, cloud your judgement or whatever but maybe you should try and talk to them one more time. Jeff appologized right?"
And, ok that's definetly not what Eddie was expecting to hear. It must show on his face because Steve is suddenly looking away, embaraced.
"I just..." He trails off, taking his own turn staring out at the dull shine of his old acomplishments. Eddie watches as his face once again turns pensive as he stares harder at the remnents of his high school acheivements.
"I used to be a pretty shitty guy. Did the same kind of shit your buddies did a couple of times." This isn't necessarily news to Eddie. They've talked a little about who Steve was in high school and how much work he put into himself before he decided to go back to college. It's still a bit of a shock to hear, though.
"So I get how someone can make a mistake like that, y'know? So if you want to try and talk it out, I won't be offended. I know we're in this together, now." Peace said, Steve reaches for Eddie's hand and gives it a squeeze.
It hits Eddie again, just how good Steve Harrington is. It hasn't been long, not really, since they got together but they've fallen together so completley, so easily, that it's easy to forget that there's still so much they have to learn, so many layers for Eddie to peal back. Behind every judgemental remark and complaint about the frequent phone calls he gets from chuldren he used to babysit in his hometown is a man who cares deeply and is capable of great forgiveness, even if it hasn't been earned yet.
Eddie squeezes his hand back.
"Are you sure?" Eddie asks.
"Yeah, it's not we have to totally forgive them, right? But I think you need to get a real answer from both of them about why it happened. Maybe you can find a way past it, maybe they'll say something that puts the nail in the coffin." He responds.
Eddie takes a deep breath, and thinks.
Steve is right. Eddie isn't satisfied with any of the answers he got last time, and he knows that there has to be more to the story than "trying to get Eddie out of a rut" and he's not going to be able to put any of this to rest until he understands.
"Ok, yeah. I'll call them." Steve gives him an encouraging smile at that, rubbing the back of Eddie's hand where they haven't let go yet.
"Good, I'm glad. And I can come with you if you want. Hit em from both sides." he says. Eddie think's he'll take him up on that offer, but right now he had more imporant things to do. Namely, tackling his sweet boyfriend onto the mattress and having a mid morning tousle.
"We'll see. Right now I've got more imporant things to do." He says in his best aproximation of a sultry voice. He doesn't know how good it really is, but it seems to work based on the way Steve's eyes get hooded and he looks down at Eddie's mouth.
Gotcha.
Before Steve can lean down and kiss him, Eddie snaps his hands down to his boyfriend's sides in a well executed tickle atack. Steve immedietly jolts and starts howling with laughter, yelling between breaths that Eddie is "a fucking asshole" as he continues his relentless atacks.
Eventually, Steve manages to regain his bearings and go on the offence, turning them over and trapping his boyfriend's hands beneath his knees so he can atack Eddie's equally ticklish sides.
Once the late morning has passes into early noon and they've both settled back into Steve's signifigantly more rumpled be, Eddie takes one more moment to think about the furute to come before he shelves it. He knows that whatever conversation is to come, it won't be easy, and even if things go as smoothly as possible with Gareth and Jeff, things will never be the same between them all.
Looking down at Steve, who is sporting the most outrageous bedhead in human history, laughing at the stream of reals Robin sent him in the middle of the night, he thinks he'll be okay either way.
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airas-story · 2 days ago
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Stephen tries very hard to temper it but he can be rather possessive of Tony. In a moment of weakness, he snaps and lets it show, only to learn that Tony finds his possessive streak absolutely enchanting.
Okay, so I've been SO good about keeping these to the 100-300 range, but then this idea hit me and wouldn't let go. So... not a drabble.
Stephen’s gaze darted to where Pepper had just entered the room, perfect smile on her face.
Instinctively, Stephen wrapped his arm tighter around Tony’s waist, pulling Tony into his side. Tony glanced up at him, amused. Stephen leaned down, pressing a kiss against Tony’s lips, an almost painful need to claim Tony surging through him. It happened almost any time he saw Pepper, saw her and remembered the life that Tony had almost lived.
Would have lived, if Stephen hadn’t interfered.
In front of them Rhodes sighed and Stephen realized that he’d completely interrupted whatever conversation Tony and Rhodes had been having.
He didn’t have it in him to feel guilty.
Tony pulled back from the kiss eventually. “I know I’m irresistible, Stephen. But if we’re not careful Rhodey’s going to put a ban on all public displays of affection. He’s like a nun, ridiculously chaste and virtuous.”
“I’m not chaste,” Rhodes argued. “But the two of you are ridiculous.”
Tony met Stephen’s gaze and rolled his eyes fondly, but turned back to Rhodes. “You are so chaste. You never liked the stripper pole.”
Rhodes gave Tony an exasperated look, shaking his head as though Tony was being ridiculous. Which, technically, could very well be argued as accurate. “Tony, it was a stripper pole.”
“And I looked damn good on it.”
That caught Stephen’s attention. “Wait, you got on the stripper pole?”
Tony smirked at him. “I’ll have you know that I’m quite flexible and I had excellent teachers.” He leaned forward. “I’d be more than willing to show you at some point.”
“Oh, would you,“ Stephen purred, letting his hand drift down Tony’s side.
“Nope, no.” Rhodes held up his hands. “Not happening. You two are not having this conversation in front of me.”
Tony stuck his tongue out at Rhodes in what was a completely mature response. “See what I mean? Chaste.”
Rhodes rolled his eyes. “You know what, I’m leaving you two sickening love birds alone; I need a drink.”
“Chaste,” Tony sang-song after him. When he turned to Stephen, however, his face was serious. “You know Pepper and I were over long before you came around, right?” Tony said, lip quirking up in a smile that was meant to reassure. “You don’t need to feel threatened by her.”
Stephen hadn’t realized that Tony had put together Stephen’s displays of possessiveness with the presence of Pepper, but he wasn’t surprised, either. Tony was far more perceptive than he pretended to be. “I’m not threatened by her,” Stephen countered. It was true, he wasn’t. He was entirely certain about Tony and him. He brought his hand up to Tony’s face, cupping it. “You love me. I know that.”
Stephen had made sure of it. Fascination was a powerful thing, and it’d been such a little spell.
It had faded, eventually, but all Stephen had needed was an in.
“I do,” Tony agreed, easily. “So why do you act as though she’s going to steal me away every time she so much as walks through the door?”
Guilt.
Because he needed to convince himself that Tony was better off with him. Safer with him. Happier with him.
“Do you really mind that I’m a possessive bastard?” Stephen asked instead of putting any of that into words. “Does it bother you to know how much I want you?” And by the Vishanti, did he want Tony. Everything he’d done was for the want of Tony.
A wry grin crossed Tony’s face. “You know I don’t mind the possessive bits. Probably should. But don’t. In fact, I probably like it a little too much.” His eyes glittered teasingly. “Honestly, it’s a bit of a turn on, knowing you want me the way you do.” He paused. “I just worry about you, I don’t want you to feel like I might run back to an old relationship the moment your back is turned.”
“I know you won’t,” Stephen said slowly. “I’m just not used to being able to keep good things.” He’d lost Tony once. He leaned down to kiss Tony again. “You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me.”
A faint flush crossed Tony’s face. “Well, you get to keep me,” he promised. “I’m not going anywhere.”
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anxiousapplepie · 3 hours ago
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I've got a quick question, which of the travelers figure out who Loop is? Does Loop tell any of them directly like they kinda do with Sif? Personally I think Mira and Odile (surprisingly) wouldn't without a lot of hints but Bonnie and Isa would catch on pretty quick. Even better if Loop is now actively hiding it from them but they suck at it because these are different, hurt versions of their family and they just want to help them, partially so they can feel useful and partially so they can go home.
Cause man, it sucks watching the people you love suffer. If only they'd take the same concept and apply it to themselves-
I think you are bang on the money! Traveler Bonnie and Isa are the ones most likely to figure out who Loop used to be (the kid's smart and Isa is VERY good at connecting dots), while Mira and Odile get caught up on different details or get too stuck in their own problems to notice until after the fact. oh good grief I'm imagining Loop being so pained and distraught at seeing a hurt, caged and miserable version of each of their favorite people. I think with some character development Loop would be capable of saying "hey. This ain't my first timeloop, and shockingly the last 2 timeloops weren't my last either" and if they are more eager to help out the Travelers I think they'd try to be honest if asked about their origins and experiences. Loop, however, is still Loop at the end of the day, and emotional vulnerability will be sandwiched between self-depreciating humor and bitter cheerfulness at yet ANOTHER version of their family being unable to spit out how much they love everyone else despite evidence proving they'd get stuck in a timeloop for them.
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celaenaeiln · 14 hours ago
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are you still doing the post where you explain the ranking?? don’t mean to be impatient i was just wondering! (take your time) <3
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@imperatrice21
Hey y'all! You asked and I deliver ;)
Alrighty let's get to it!!
So in THIS POST which is being referred to, I had created a ranking of Bruce's favorites in order from most to least.
And this was the ranking:
Dick
Damian
Cass
Jason/Tim (tie)
Tim/Jason (tie)
Steph
Now lets get into why.
Dick
I don't want to rehash why Dick is the favorite because I went into a lengthy explanation in the referred post as to why. It's not even close, and it's really explicitly stated that Dick's the one that Bruce likes the most. If you haven't read the post or want a refresher, I've already linked it but here it is again - OG POST
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Infinite Crisis Issue #3
and also
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JLA (1997) Issue #73
"The only time I ever feel pride is when I look at Nightwing. Sometimes I think he's the only thing I ever did right."
When something happens to Bruce, he only tells or trusts Dick with the information of what happened.
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Batman and Robin Eternal Issue #1
His only message was addressed to Dick. Like I could go on and on about this, but I feel my other Dick and Bruce posts give a pretty good idea on how Dick is special to Bruce.
And that's where we will leave the blatant adoration for Dick by Bruce and move on to the next person, cause really, 'nuff said.
Damian > Cass > Tim/Jason > Steph
Dami!! I also explained a bit of why Damian is so loved by Bruce through the comparison of Bruce's reaction to Damian death vs Bruce's reaction to Jason's death in the referenced post, but I never talked about why he's the next in line for favoritism.
Rather, it's a process of elimination of who does Bruce not like the least which we can find through how Bruce treats each member of the batfam and reacts to traumatic passings.
6. Stephanie
The least favorite is, unfortunately, very obvious and it's Stephanie.
Why is it obvious? Because Bruce treats Stephanie like utter shit. I have never seen him act so callously to a member of the bat crew aside from Stephanie. He literally didn't even care that Stephanie died in the War Games arc.
He didn't even want Stephanie in the first place, only using her to manipulate Tim back into being Robin because he knew Tim care about her and knew the dangers of being Robin so he wouldn't want her getting her.
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Robin (1993) Issue #92
And so she becomes Robin, eventually.
But Bruce and Stephanie have an extremely strenuous relationship. Stephanie is very independent but Bruce like obedience. A long time ago he would have appreciated independence but not anymore, not when the result is death.
On the final mission of Stephanie being robin, Batman gives her repeated orders that she disobeys.
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Robin (1993) Issue #128
Bruce becomes completely fed up with her and fires her.
Long story short, Stephanie steals one of Batman's plans for the city that involved Matches Malone. Steph doesn't know that this is one of Bruce's identities and the whole thing quickly goes way out of control and sets off a city-wide bloody war - AKA War Games. Stephanie gets caught by Black Mask who tortures her and she dies from her injuries in Leslie's Clinic when she escapes. But -
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Batman (1940) Issue #633
And after this happens, this bitch sits down has a drink with Dick, who woke up from coma or something I can't remember (he was dealing with the aftermath of Tarantula which is why he wasn't around. Also Alfred threatened to kneecap him if he didn't get back on the bed) asks Bruce what he's gonna do -
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And what does he do?
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Batman (1940) Issue #634
Bitch. This is the only time (the War Games) Dick walked out on him after Bruce asks for help. Fun fact, Leslie intentionally let Stephanie die even though she could have saved her. She let her die to teach Batman a lesson about making kids Robins. It was later retconned that Leslie secretly saved her life but in the original, Stephanie was gone. And Batman straight up did not care.
He didn't care about Stephanie as a person and ignored her passing, completely unaffected.
So that's why Stephanie's 6th on the list.
5. & 4. Tim and Jason (Tie)
I don't want to rehash this again because I truly do not believe I can go into more detail about why they're a tie and who Bruce loves more.
THIS POST I made for anon who asked about the tie will be the answer. But I want to highlight @canthandlethishit 's reblog because in my post had said I didn't know why it feels like Tim was slightly less even though Bruce treated him better.
This line: "there’s a saying “the kid who cries gets the candy/milk” and sometimes being too easy to raise makes a kid receive less love & attention from their parents"
EXCELLENT! Fantastic analysis!!
3. Cass
Cass is tricky because because Bruce doesn't actually have a reason for liking her. He just does. I think what Bruce really loves about her is her dedication to making Gotham good.
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Batgirl (2000) Issue #50
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Batman & the Outsiders (2019) Issue #17
I think the reason Batman treats her so well is because she acts like a daughter to him. None of his children are so open with wanting affection as Cass is, ironically. And Bruce appreciates that. He's a dad and some part of him, behind all his walls, wants to be needed as dad which Cass does for him. She understands what he wants because she's good at that and loves him because she wants it too. Cass is Bruce's only daughter. So it's a combination of dedication to faith that Gotham City can be better as well as the fact that she's ready to genuinely be a daughter for him.
2. Damian
A big part of it is that he's Bruce's blood son. I know we make jokes about being wanted vs forced or whatever with Damian but Damian's arguments in those jokes do hold.
Aside from Dick, Bruce doesn't react to anyone as strongly as he reacts to Damian. When Damian was dying and died, he lost it. I would provide panels but it's basically the entirety of Batman and Robin (2011).
A part of it, is also that Bruce actually raised Damain. He and Dami struggled with each other for the longest time and still do, but that's his son.
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Batman Incorporated (2012) Issue #10
The following panels of Bruce going crazy are, as you probably guess it, in the OG Post and the Eldest Daughter Syndrome Post where I talk a little about the effect Damian's death has on Batman.
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ecto-hazard · 15 hours ago
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I wanna make a tf2 oc so so bad but I’m terrible at drawing people. Got any pointers?
So you wanna learn how to draw humans. Good for you! Drawing humans is complicated as shit and theres a lot that goes into it. I still need to improve in some areas of anatomy, and especially with drawing shit like clothes. There's millions of good guides out there for drawing all these specific aspects, but they're going to vary in complexity, style, etc. So I've instead put together my bullshit guide for drawing humans that can apply to people of any style and skill level!!!!! Welcome to Grey's 3 steps to draw humans.
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STEP 1. DRAW BAD.
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People get bashed over the head with the advice of "just practice bro." But the realistic thing is that if you're a perfectionist, it'll make it difficult as shit to improve your art if you don't let your art be bad. This doesnt mean, oh draw poorly on purpose. This is more a mindset thing. Embrace the fact that, while your art might not be at the level you'd personally want it to be, it's still worth making. If you enjoy drawing, it shouldn't matter if its "bad." You'll draw tons and tons of "bad" stuff and eventually look back and realize you've gotten better, even subconsciously. But if you can't get over the hurdle of letting stuff you draw be "bad" sometimes, you'll probably be too frustrated to keep going.
STEP 2. Practice drawing blocky shapes BEFORE details.
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This is a skill I learned in the two art classes I took, but you can learn it on your own too. Basically humans have a lot of details going on and it can get a little overwhelming trying to capture it all. Work big to small. Focus on overall shapes first. Keep your sketches light and messy, cause itll be easier for you to overcome the hurdle to change something if you don't like it. Gradually build up to drawing the more intricate shapes like fingers, facial features, etc. If you're doing a full render, capturing the overall shapes of lights and shadows is helpful too!
When it comes to drawing your first sketch, try not to get too caught up in those tutorials that make you draw a specific type of sketch with like all the circles and cylinders and straight lines, thats all fine and good but if you're starting out its just kinda confusing and misses the point. Those are tools that'll help out when you want to hone in your ability to draw things in perspective.
STEP 3. Don't draw humans if you don't enjoy it.
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Have you tried drawing humans but just don't really like doing it? Then fucking dont baby!!!!! Don't miss out on making things you enjoy just cause these goddamn humans are in the way! Make em a furry, a mech, an object character, a disembodied gangle of nerves floating in the abyss. Hell if you don't like drawing at all, WRITE em instead! Don't feel shackled by this mortal coil! Shed that shit!!!! Draw whatever the fuck makes you happy, and you'll be on the right track.
Hope this helps!
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vanilladiorr · 1 day ago
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𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 – 𝘗𝘢𝘶 𝘊𝘶𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘪
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Summary: Pau, your neighbor, had always liked you, but he could never express it because of how shy he was. And one day while stargazing with you he finally let it out..
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Pairing: Pau x FEM!reader
Genre: Fluff
Warning/s: None
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A/n: This is my first time writing on tumblr, so pls forgive me for any mistakes, There might be some grammatical mistakes. Forgive me for that too.
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Laying on your bed lazily, you looked at the ceiling. A sigh left your mouth as you put on your headphones. "Today sucked," you muttered to yourself.
You scrolled through your phone, searching for a relaxing piece of music. Once you picked one, you looked out of your window before turning your back to it.
On the other hand.
Pau, your neighbor, was quietly grabbing his bag, preparing to sneak out of his house and make his way over to yours.
He slowly and quietly climbed up to your window, taking advantage of the cover of night to ensure no one would notice him sneaking out.
Once he reached the window, he peeked inside, his eyes falling on your back as you lay on the bed.
You lay silently on the bed, your eyes closed as you silently listened to the peaceful music through your headphones, completely unaware of the figure watching you quietly..
You were startled as Pau suddenly tapped your shoulder, causing you to almost whisper-yell at him, "What are you doing here?"
He put his finger to his lips, signaling you to be quiet. "Let's go," he whispered, "I've found a new spot where we can have an amazing view of the stars."
"I don't feel like it," you stated firmly, only to be forcefully pulled out of the bed by Pau.
"you will"
After a good ten minutes of relentless convincing, you reluctantly agreed. As Pau and you quietly sneaked out of your house, heading towards the spot he suggested.
The spot he led you to was quite nice. He sat down on the grass and patted the spot next to him, motioning for you to sit as well.
He looked at you with concern, asking, "How was your day? I noticed you were looking upset all day."
You silently focused on the stars above, stars that glimmered in the night sky. "It's nothing," you responded, "I just had a fight." Pau nodded in understanding.
Gradually, the mood began to lighten as Pau continued to crack jokes and share stories about his day, all in an effort to bring a smile to your face.
Your lips curled into a warm smile as you spoke, "Pau, you're such a sweetheart,"
His cheeks flushed with a soft tinge of pink as he melted under your words. He met your gaze, a gentle smile playing on his lips, and said, "You too, but you're my sweetheart."
He immediately realized his slip-up and apologized, but you couldn't help but let out a lighthearted laugh.
"it's okay" you said
"Pau, if you had a chance to make a wish upon a shooting star, what would you wish for?" You asked.
His heart quickened its tempo as he confessed, "There's a girl I've liked for years. So I would wish for her to be mine." He spoke without looking at you, the color in his cheeks betraying his flustered state.
"who?" You asked quitely
"the one sitting beside me" he said, Your breath caught in your chest as his words hit you, and your cheeks began to burn.
"Excuse me what?" You asked again
He took a deep breath, his words coming in a rush as he confessed, "I like you, Y/N. I've liked you ever since we were freshmen. I like you too much." His voice trembled with both nervousness and excitement, his eyes searching yours.
He confessed further, explaining the reason behind his sudden confession. "Seeing you smile at that boy yesterday scared me. I got worried that you might like him, so I decided to confess my feelings to you before anything happened."
A warm smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied, "I don't like him, he's just a friend of mine. In fact..." You paused, mustering up your courage before confessing. "...I like you too."
"Really?" He asked, not believing what he just heard.. You nodded "Yes"
You wrapped your arms around him in a tight embrace, and he responded by holding you even tighter in return. Then, he asked, flustered and all nervous "Can I be your boyfriend?"
"Of course" you said
He couldn't help but smile as your response, a sense of joy washed over him. He met your gaze, his eyes filled with a depth of love and affection, and he reached out to gently caress your cheek.
You felt a gentle caress upon your neck as he slowly moved closer, Kissing your lips slowly and gently, he moved his hands to caress ur cheek.
You pulled away, looking directly into his eyes, and stated with a soft smile, "I like you!" you said.
"I love you"
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moonlit-orchid · 7 months ago
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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brittlebutch · 2 months ago
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actually, having a kind of revelatory moment here of if HRT was something i have been considering for this long, but has remained inaccessible to me, then that means i Do actually have opinions about my appearance/presentation, so just because i can't take That Particular step doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of other avenues i could be pursuing (ie, clothing/accessories/etc.) that i just haven't let myself up until this point. like i don't have to shove it All aside just because there's one thing i can't get -- I'd probably still wind up a lot happier if I took those other steps I've spent all these years ignoring
#N posts stuff#like what i mean is; the nearest informed consent clinic is like 80 miles away. theoretically some people could pull that off probably#but i can barely do 5-10 mile drives so that's fundamentally inaccessible. the realization is that IF it was closer#the probability of me actually pursuing that is actually kind of high. not even because i feel a particular NEED for it#hrt is one of those things that for Me is like 'i just think it would be Cool. i don't need it but i might be happier trying it'#BUT one thing i've consistently had problems with is that i Do Not really buy myself clothes because i always get caught up on cost#like 'if i don't really care That Much why should i invest in it' thing. i've been in that rut for most of my life i'd say#complicated by the fact taht i do depend on my mom's advice/help for a Lot of things and we have fundamentally incompatible styles#so not being able to agree on things makes it hard to actually Pursue what i want in these areas#but if leading up to researching clinic options i was both thinking 'i'd spend the money on this' AND 'i'd completely#disregard my mother's opinions on this' in order to pursue it; then since it's inaccessible to me i Should be taking those core convictions#and bringing them to the things i Can change/access and take Those steps instead#to use a wildly different metaphor - the vacation thing of 'wherever you go there You are' -> HRT is the big expensive vacation#but if my clothes are still something i'm not happy with then how much genuine satisfaction would i get out of my appearance after#taking those Big Steps. since the little ones have been left completely in the dust. you know?#no one asked but tumblr is like the only medium i use where i actually go back and look at things from the past#so if i have some kind of revelation about my life it has to go on tumblr if i want to remember it.#(like sure i Could keep journals but actually reading back through them makes me nauseated lmao. so not very helpful in practice)
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sapphire-weapon · 1 year ago
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imagine being so disconnected from RE fandom that you think that Leon only became popular starting with RE2make
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blizzardfluffykpop · 4 months ago
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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draco-renn · 6 months ago
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Man. All I do these days is fail to meet expectations and then get upset at myself for failing to meet those expectations. This sucks.
#the dragon sings his songs#blowing out smoke#i'm supposed to be taking this break from my course as an opportunity to do the things I've been meaning to do and I've just been rotting—#—in bed on my phone and sleeping in and jacking off like i hardly even get up to eat or go to the bathroom#side note i know this is a textbook sign of depression and burnout (comma) most likely both (comma) but who in my Chinese family is going—#—to believe that? def not mom who'll just scream at me for not sucking it up and pushing through it and not dad who won't do shit#my grandparents might believe me but there's a language barrier on mom's side plus 公公 seems to think I'm the perfect infallible capable—#—[granddaughter] and I can't bear to break his heart with the truth#and then on dad's side they'll probably be sympathetic but everything i tell them makes its way back to my parents and that'll just result—#—in ont huge blowup that'll drive another wedge between mom and dad. and I mean PLEASE hurry up and get divorced but I also don't want 爺爺—#—and 嫲嫲 to get caught in the crossfire#plus I'm supposed to be helping them esp now that 爺爺 is running out of time as an active able-bodied person but instead of doing that I—#—spent all day in bed. which is not helping my guilt and shame on top of everything else i have to deal with (comma) let alone his workload#today's such a nice sunny beautiful day too which makes me feel even worse for not even going for a walk or anything#it's still light out so i could but sunk cost fallacy is kicking my ass plus i have Mandarin class kn a couple hours#and k know it's a couple HOURS but I'd have to get dressed and set a timer and everything and just the thought is so overwhelming that I—#—just can't. i'd ask to be institutionalized if it wasn't for the rampant ableism in the mental health field plus the fact that—#—institutionalization is just an extension of incarceration#if only the people who have power over me would just listen and actually take care of me so i wouldn't have pushed myself to this point
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joyridingmp3 · 1 year ago
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boss just sat me down and basically asked what's wrong with me again
#i went home sick last friday and i guess someone said i did something wrong at work#when im 99% sure i didn't??#anyway. they also think I've been quieter lately#i feel bad. im mad because of the whole situation with my shitty coworker#but my boss slipped up and said 'we're friends - well. sorry. we're not /friends/ I'm your boss but -'#so clearly he views me as a friend but is trying to set professional boundaries#I just feel guilty#i don't even know why this is getting to me so much#i guess it feels like someone just listed off all of the things I'm doing wrong and pointed them out to me#and that paired with the fact that I was caught off guard by it#i hate being caught off guard#idk#anyway the apartment cat came over to hang out for a bit but she was distant#so the perceived rejection really hit me#i swear to god i don't realise how insane i am til i write all this out#anyway. i don't have any drugs left other than some random opioids#which is basically russian roulette#in terms of dosage because they're all wildly different#so I'll probably stay sober tonight#which is for the best :/#if I want to wake up on time to work tomorrow#it's not even anything. im mostly just trying to avoid my creepy shitty coworker#but i can't say that! so i guess everyone just thinks i hate them noe#now*#and they probably all secretly hate me#since he said that a few people have mentioned that I've been quieter lately#so I'm not even doing a good job putting up my ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ facade#which is like. my only skill and asset#anyway. time to think about dying and never eat again ig#mine
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zevrans-remade · 2 years ago
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idkimnotreal · 1 month ago
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i think a bi guy might want something from me. i don't know if he's closeted.
#bisexuality#he caught me smiling at him off guard#he tried getting my attention which a friend has said is too effortful to be just teasing and he also stares#i've been getting into this universe to see how bi people think#i found an alt account on inst@ where he posted poems#a lot of them definitely feel like 'closeted bi' energy#but poems are really ambiguous so it could be about a lot of things. and i'd already felt deep boy vibes from him#he has a gf#i don't feel like judging him because this might be the first opportunity he has had to do anything about it#in fact i feel regret for not noticing things before and thinking he was mocking me or daring me#he might be thinking about this for months now this was a while ago#it's definitely different if he's closeted#he might feel alone#in a way most people can't fathom#and he trusts me if he's choosing to let me know this but he is in a relationship#unless it's open i mean all possibilities are a thing which is why not judging is important#so i have a vibe too if he took that decision without knowing me#a similar vibe to his because he got me to smile at him off guard which for a gay guy is a huge no in most cases#i've been mad at him for months because he stares and i know he has a girlfriend since he brings that up in class#last time he stared i stormed off the room because i was already intent on changing classrooms for other reasons#but then i arrived late and i was confused because we had a new tutor and when i sat down he was staring#i felt exposed because he KNOWS i am into him. he's known since that first day when he saw me smiling#but this can't be mocking. i think it's mocking when i hate myself and i've hated myself every day for months this year#this changed recently#he's not evil and i'm definitely not the last person on earth far from it and i mean come on look at that face he's just not ev#so he can't be teasing and he can't be thinking about intentionally hurting his gf which leads me to think he needs help if he's so intent#on letting me know about this#he needs something from me and i cannot deny it to him#because that is who i am#also isn't this literally evak from skam
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inbabylontheywept · 1 month ago
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The Motherfucking Lizard King
No one at work trusts my boss. 
He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 
Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 
I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 
He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 
So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 
---
My job has glue traps. 
No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 
If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 
You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 
People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 
I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 
I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 
And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 
---
My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.
People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 
Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 
So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 
I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 
Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 
And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 
I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 
So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 
So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 
I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  
I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.
A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 
And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 
And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said
Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 
I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 
Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 
Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 
ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 
---
The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 
We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 
You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 
But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 
That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.
---
The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.
Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read
"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."
I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.
How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.
You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.
I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.
Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.
---
The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.
We'll see if he squanders it.
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