#but i do have work to do and my brother is also working from home today and I feel bad bc I am using the desk and the good chair

[deepdarkdelights]

Dahlias and Dandelions - PART ONE | Taehyung x Reader x Mystery Member

Pairing: Yandere Taehyung x Reader x Mystery Member

Genre: Bridgerton AU

Word Count: 19.4k (Part one)

Warnings: Yandere, Obsession, Manipulation, Forced Relationships, Fear, Anxiety, Panic, Mind Games, MC is extremely self conscious, Gossiping, Period Accurate Misogyny, Marital Expectations, Women really are not treated fairly here and it sucks, Touch of Misandry (MC really does not like men after her experiences), MC is not forgiving, Betrayal on so many levels (Will add more warnings later - sleep deprivation is kicking in)

I do not condone the acts displayed in this story nor do I believe any members of BTS would actually engage in this type of behavior. This is simply written for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a reflection of my own values, opinions, or morals.

Preview: “I bid you a good day, Mr. Kim,” You nodded, properly - politely, before turning your back on him and resuming your promenade.

Leaving him like that, mouth open and pale in the face, had left you with a certain sense of satisfaction. However, it was not enough. You were greedy in this manner. You wanted to see him suffer, you wanted to see him beg for forgiveness. You wanted him to be entirely at your mercy. It would not be enough until he was on his knees and even then you would never consider the possibility of forgiving him for his transgressions.

A/N: As an utter shock to absolutely nobody I have had no time to edit this so edits should be rolling out Friday. If no one likes this I will be devastated, I think this is one of my best works AND SO MUCH WILL GO DOWN IN PART 2! I also started a new job today so I will need a little time to get part 2 up but it will happen! I hope you guys like it - I can't wait for your comments and asks 💜

It had been a childhood crush. 

It was embarrassing when you thought about it too hard, you were young and naive and he was the close companion of your older brother. It had meant nothing, nothing to him and nothing to your mother who felt little worry at his constant presence in her home. With you at the age of four and ten and he nine and ten, there was little to worry about.

Taehyung had been a long standing companion of your family. Both of your families had long since been intertwined from their inception. For that very reason, his presence was not unwelcome. Your mother adored Taehyung as if he were one of her own sons and therefore felt little worry over the gentle friendship the two of you had. 

Your crush, however, was painfully noticeable. It was one of those things that everyone knew about, but elected to look past with amused grins and knowing looks. It hadn’t become a serious problem until your debut into society four years later. 

When you were younger, your debut was something that you had anxiously looked forward to. But as an individual on the cusp of womanhood and being thrust into the limelight, you wanted nothing more than to run and hide away. You yearned for the time you spent in your brother’s study surrounded by the scent of smoke and leather and the feeling of worn pages beneath your fingertips. You were out of your depth here.

And then there was the problem of the other debutants. They were all stunningly beautiful in their own way. This was something you had always been aware of, you had grown up with these ladies, played with them, gossiped with them, promenaded with them, and now you were in competition with them and you couldn’t help but feel that there was no competition. They didn’t see you as competition because they knew you. And, because they were utterly perfect. 

That was the other problem. Entering society as a lady also meant entering the marriage market. If there was anything that you were certain of, it was that you weren’t meant for marriage. Not when mere months ago you were still viewed as a child, but the ever moving hands of time dictated that a simple year could change everything. You weren’t ready. You had seen this with your cousin. She debuted, was engaged two months later, married, and had already had her first child. 

That was an additional problem. Children. How could you be expected to have a child when you still felt like one yourself? You knew, admittedly, very little about children. But what you had been taught was that marriage was a prerequisite and after marriage it was doubtful that children would not follow. And that thought petrified you. But there was no fighting it, if you did it was sure to cause a scandal. With the status that your family had, it was expected that you were to marry soon and to choose the life of a spinster would cast a shadow on your family’s name.

You were resigned to your fate. 

The one saving grace that you had, was Taehyung. He knew just how frightened you were of this whole ordeal and he had assured you that everything would be alright. 

“Of course you would say that,” You had laughed, “You are a man.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” He said with a roll of his eyes, snatching a pastry from your plate and popping it in his mouth in spite of your offended gasp. 

“It has everything to do with it. You don’t have to attend a debutante ball, you don’t have to enter the marriage market until you decide to do so, and you don’t have to be paraded around like a prize waiting to be won.”

“That’s easy for you to say, until you’re the one being harassed by frantic mothers wanting you to propose to their daughters the second they introduce them. If anything, I am the prize waiting to be won.”

“Aren’t you old enough now to be considering your options? You’re what, three and twenty now? If you were a woman you would be approaching spinsterhood.” You teased.

“Spinsterhood?” He barked out a laugh, “I’ll have you know I am in my prime. I will choose a wife when I decide I am ready to do so.”

“Ah see, you have made my very point. You can marry when you choose to. I, however, will cause a scandal if I were to do the same.”

“You could marry when you choose to as well. Whomever you wish to choose.” He disagreed, his tone had become serious in contrast to the soft look in his eyes. “You do know I would support you, not all women marry their first season.”

Your heart fluttered, you willed it to relax.

“As kind as that is, we both know what is expected of my family. At the end of the day, my mother and my brother will choose whom they decide is the most suitable match. My say in the matter will be considered, but will fall low in priority I am afraid.”

Taehyung’s brows were pinched in confusion, his lips pressed together in thought. He was more troubled by your assessment than you had thought he would be. “You underestimate your brother. Jin adores you, he would never allow a proposal that is not befitting of you. In fact, I think he is more worried about your debut than you are. He is not ready for you to become a woman either.”

A sharp cough disrupted your conversation. 

“Must she really be here?” Taehyung asked you, his words directed at your maid who was seated across the room with a warning look on her face. The two of them struggled to get along since her attendance had become mandatory during your time together. 

“You know why she is here, Taehyung.” You sighed. 

“I have known you your whole life!”

“Which is inconsequential now that I have come of age. She is here to ensure nothing improper is to occur and the both of us have little say in the matter.”

Taehyung stared at you before slowly blinking once, twice, and then thrice before speaking once more. “I was present when you were born, in fact I was amongst one of the first to hold you and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you were hardly proper then. Not to mention it was definitely improper when you decided it was simply too hot of a summer when you were two and stripped down until you were as bare as the day you were born and had to be chased all over the estate by the entire staff and your mother before you were captured and clothed.”

“Taehyung!” You yelled, heat rushing to your face as your maid choked in surprise and slammed her book shut.

“All I am saying is impropriety should be her least worry.”

“Everything about what you just said was improper and, not to mention, utterly embarrassing!”

And he had the gall to look pleased with himself. He was the very picture of the cat that had caught the canary with that egregiously adorable smile of his while he sunk down in his chair across from you.

Your maid rose and cleared her throat as she approached. “I believe, luncheon hours are over Mr. Kim. I shall escort you to the door.”

Taehyung raised his brows, looking from you to her and back again. “Is your maid kicking me out like an unwelcome loiterer?”

“We, unfortunately, have a ball to prepare for. She is right in asking you to leave.” You rose to your feet and he followed suit. 

“You grow a year older and suddenly there are limits as to how many hours I can spend with you.” He muses, forlornly in spite of his mischievous grin.

“Of course, you could always retire your dislike of society's mothers for one night and come and see me. Maybe even sign my dance card and save me from any devious intentioned potential suitors.”

Taehyung smiled and pretended to think as he crossed his arms behind his back. “Well, a lady does debut only once after all. Perhaps, just this one time I can make an exception to my rule. However, I request the first spot on your dance card and nothing less.”

“Consider it done.” You laughed before shaking his hand to seal your deal. A startled gasp parted your lips, however, when he bent forward to brush his lips over the back of your hand. He seemed pleased with your reaction. But that was how Taehyung was, he loved to be mischievous and he delighted in eliciting reactions from those he shared his company with.

“I think that was a very proper thing to do.” He chuckled as he winked at your maid who frantically began to usher him out of the parlor as professionally yet urgently as she could. 

Your heart was thunderous inside the cradle of your ribcage. How you wished it would stop instead, it would make things so much easier. Taehyung was many things, but the one thing that he would never be, was yours. He was off limits, just as you were and this was something your brother had explicitly stated. Jin, while incredibly overprotective as the head of the household, truly did have your best intentions at heart. He knew the kind of man that Taehyung was, the kind of man that many of his friends were and he had put those boundaries in place to protect your tender heart. A crush was fine, it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. But affection? And heavens forbid, love, was out of the question. You would never be able to have your dear friend that way that you dreamed of.

And while this was something that you were prominently aware of, the confirmation of such a truth had shattered your heart completely.

~~~~~~~

You had worn your finest, and newest, gown courtesy of the modiste. It truly was the most beautiful gown you had ever seen, it was something befitting of a woman that you yourself felt you had not yet become. But oh, did it sell the illusion for you. It was a soft shade of powder blue, decorated with the most delicate lace that you were certain it could tear with too much force. The bust, sleeves, and hem were affixed with freshwater pearls and a matching circlet had been pinned in your hair. You would never admit it, but you imagined Aphrodite would have felt the way that you did.

“You’ll do wonderful, darling.” Your mother cooed, her gloved hands patting your own. “I remember my debutante ball like it was yesterday. There were so many eager gentlemen, of course, none of them compared to your father-”

“Please, don’t encourage her to entertain every wide eyed blubbering fool that asks for a dance.” Jin sighed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in stress.

“I am not encouraging any such thing! However, it would be beneficial for your sister to socialize with lords and ladies alike upon her entrance into society.”

“Both of you are aware that I am still here, yes?” You snapped, breaking up an argument before it could happen. 

“Of course we are,” Jin softened, “I just worry about you, I - we, want what’s best for you. However, I always thought we would have more time.”

That was his way of saying he didn’t want you to leave. At the end of the day, you were his baby sister. There was a ten year gap between the two of you, and during your mother’s long period of grief, Jin had assumed the role of parent. The bond the two of you shared went far deeper than that of a brother and a sister. You didn’t remember your father, and when you tried you often saw Jin’s face instead.

“You have nothing to worry about. Taehyung and I have spoken plenty on the matter, not all women marry their first season, let us have a good time tonight and worry another night.” You explained with a fond smile.

You, however, did not miss the look your brother gave you at the mention of his friend's name. “Taehyung, of course.”

There was that reminder again. Taehyung was not a viable option, that was an established rule. But the look that crossed over Jin’s face, there was more to his reasoning. There was something deeper there that you were not privy to. You took a mental note of that and put a pin in it for later, you had a ball to attend. The first goal of the night was to survive. 

The debutante ball changed locations every year allowing several prestigious families of society the honor of hosting. This itself was another competition all of its own. And this year, they had certainly gone all out. If there were a theme, it would be opulence. The entire estate was dripping in gold, jewels, and lush greenery with hundreds of white roses and chandeliers of wisteria hanging from the ceilings. The ballroom was crowded with young men and women and their chaperones alike, this made you stop. This was your first night in society, and the first thing you noticed was how brilliantly these ladies shined. The way that the light reflected off of them gave them the appearance of hundreds of diamonds shining in the night.

Jin, as perceptive as he was, took notice immediately. His hand lightly rested between your shoulder blades in a comforting touch as his mouth softened into a kind smile. “You look lovelier than ever, don’t doubt that.”

You relaxed beneath his touch and nodded as you returned his smile. His words were simple, but Jin always knew what to say. You would never doubt your older brother, within reason, of course.

“Dearest, why not mingle with the other young ladies?” Your mother suggested, directing your attention to a group of young women who were circled together, their gaze flickering from their group members to the party goers as they giggled between one another.

“And throw her to the piranhas so early into the night?” Your brother jabbed.

“Oh, would you rather take her place then? That does remind me it is about time that you find a suitable wife -”

“Dear sister, don’t you think it would be a good idea to mingle? Allow me!” Jin interrupted, linking his arm with yours and guiding you in the direction of the ladies. 

You smiled in amusement, “Are you truly that opposed to finding a wife, dear brother?”

“It is not so much the ladies that I am opposed to, but their overbearing mothers that truly frighten me.” 

“I am starting to believe I should fear them as well, Taehyung mentioned something similar during luncheon hour today. Are all mothers so fearsome?” You teased. 

“You haven’t the slightest idea,” He groaned before composing himself as the two of you approached the group of women. 

These women were not unfamiliar to you, but you harbored no admiration or friendship for them. You internally sighed as they perked up at the sight of your brother, their eyelashes and handheld fans fluttering frantically. You had a strong idea as to what the conversation would be like once you were left alone with them to fend for yourself. 

“Good evening ladies, I trust that you will take good care of my sister in my absence.” Jin said, his introduction brief so that he could make a quick escape and leave you to the proverbial wolves. 

“Mr. Kim, could I trouble you for-”

“Unfortunately I am as troubled as can be. Very, very, very troubled…” He called over his shoulder as he made his escape from the lady inquiring for a dance.

You shrunk into yourself in his absence, your fingers anxiously fiddling with the strap of your fan. While you bloomed in the presence of those you loved, these ladies made you plaster to the wall like another flower in the wallpaper. 

“That brother of yours is so elusive, how does he expect to ever find a viscountess?” The jilted lady asked you with a frustrated flutter of her fan. 

“My brother does not find a need for a viscountess at this time, I am afraid the Ton will have to wait a little longer before my mother relinquishes her title to another lady.” You replied.

“Well, I suppose necessity can be swayed with persuasion from the right lady.”

An uncontrollable, and unladylike, laugh shook your chest. “I am afraid that you will find very little can sway my brother once his mind is made up. It would take an even more hard headed lady to be able to handle my brother.”

“Such a shame, that is.” Another lady sighed, her fan raising up to obscure a mouth curving with laughter, “One of you ought to marry, for propriety's sake, and the Viscount seems the most likely choice as we all know.”

Your own amused smile melted away. “What exactly is it that you are insinuating?”

You didn’t have to see her smile to hear the venomous amusement in her words, “Your brother is important, he will continue your family name of course. And a marriage to a viscount will overshadow any failures of his siblings. I meant no harm, dear.”

Failures. She was talking about you, she was insinuating you wouldn’t be successful in the marriage market. Everything you had secretly thought to yourself…were they too aware of it?

“You are implying I will have no suitors, no marriage prospects.” You plainly said, your eyes burning with unshed anger fuelled tears.

“Well, I suppose there is still some time for you to…come into your own?” She replied, her eyes scanning you slowly, meticulously, from head to toe. 

She found you at the worst undesirable, and at best perhaps plain, you could see it in the way she looked at you. In the way that the other ladies looked at you, they were in agreement that you were not a threat. To them, you weren’t even a part of the race, you simply couldn’t qualify. Moments before, you had felt pretty, if not in your features than at least in the gown and jewels you were dressed in. But now, you couldn’t help but feel that you dulled what you had worn. Perhaps, you even looked amusing to everyone else, squeezing into a gown that you were unbefitting of.

You wished you could crawl out of your own skin and leave it all behind.

“There you are dearest,” A voice called from behind you. It was Taehyung, a charming smile adorning his beautiful features. In any other condition you would be happy to see him, but now . all you could think about was how ridiculous you would look beside him. How had he managed his own embarrassment for this long?

His smile faltered as he came closer, he could see the visible distress in your features and the shine of unshed tears in your eyes. The look that crossed his face was brief as he collected himself, but in that sudden moment you felt a chill run down your spine. You had never seen such a look in his eyes before. It could only be purely described as murderous.

“You will have to excuse us ladies,” He addressed the other women who had completely redirected their attention to him excitedly once he approached. They eyed him like vultures, waiting for the perfect moment to swoop in and steal whatever scrap of him they could take. “I was promised a first dance.”

Without saying another word to them he faced you and held out his hand, “May I have your first dance?”

You felt conflicted. You could not ignore the envious glares of the women surrounding you or the ugly feeling that had taken root in your mind and aches in your heart. But Taehyung was your oldest friend, and as horrible as you felt in that moment you found that you never had it in you to truly deny him. 

You gave him a weak smile and slid your gloved hand into his, “Of course.”

Taehyung wordlessly guided you to the dance floor, the two of you quickly blending into the other dancers. You urged your heart to control itself at the feeling of his hands touching you, the warmth of his skin seeping into you. You had danced before, he wasn’t touching you anywhere that was improper but you could not for the life of you anchor your soaring heart in your chest. Even in your worst state, your heart wanted him. 

“In all of the years that I have known you, you have never been one to back down from a challenge. So, I will ask you this one time, what have those women done to you that have turned the cunning wolf I know into such a startled lamb?”

For that very reason, you could not tell him. He would never understand. The way that you were with him was your true self, an unfettered being that was not bound by the status quo of society. But you could not afford to let that part of you rule you in any other circumstance. While Taehyung was amused by your sharpness, wit, and humor, that was something that was not accepted well by others - it was unbecoming of a lady. And while he saw that side of you, he had never seen the other side that appeared when interacting with society. But that part was still very much you, the part that urged you to be quiet, to blend in, to bend to others. The part of you that always knew you were no match against the other young ladies.

“You as well as my brother have said it before, they are quite vicious and that is all that I shall say on the matter.”

“How am I to help you if you will not say more? You are above their station, they have no right to demean you.” He replied, his voice the sternest you had ever heard it before.

“That is where you are wrong again, I have no station - that belongs to my brother. While he and you may have ways to defend yourself whether that be station or by pistol, I am left with a flutter of my fan and whatever thinly disguised insults I may fire back.”

“Then I will be your weapon, your protector if you would allow me. All I need know is what I am defending you from.”

“You are fighting an invisible foe, I am afraid. Now please, will you dance with me and end this interrogation. This is supposed to be a happy night.”

If there was anything you and Taehyung shared in common, it was your stubbornness. You could see it in his eyes, in the hard line of his lips, and the draw of his brows. And as they smoothed and relaxed you were surprised by his acquiescence, but you knew him well. He would put this matter to rest for now, but this wasn’t over.

~~~~~~~

Taehyung had kept his promise of being your first dance. But that quickly turned into your second, third, and fourth before you had to practically beg him to allow your feet a moment’s rest. 

After the second dance you had tried to excuse yourself for propriety's sake but your companion wasn’t having it. Two dances together was enough to have the Ton murmuring, but three and four? That would border on scandal. That would inspire gossip of courting and proposals. You were trying to save his reputation but he would have none of it. As your oldest friend he cared little for what the rest of society would think, what their rules were. He just wanted to bring back that smile to your lips.

“One more dance.” He grinned, his chest rising and falling just as rapidly as yours - you felt breathless.

“You said that the second, third, and fourth time! I will keel over from overexertion if I do not leave this floor at this very moment.”

“When I break my own rules, I make sure to do it to the fullest extent.” He laughed.

“Please, entertain yourself for some time, I need to be rid of you.” You waved your hand at him in a shoo-ing motion. 

“There’s my dearest girl.” He hummed, his gaze smoothly gliding over every inch of your face like he was committing every feature to memory. You felt as if you well and truly could faint now at any moment. If only he would give your heart a break.

Taehyung’s eyes widened for a moment, his gaze lifting from your face and fixing over your shoulder. Once you followed his gaze you realized what he was focusing on. Your brother was making haste through the crowd and his glare was pinned on the man who stood beside you. 

“Forgive me, but I must make a quick escape.” He chuckled before giving your hand a gentle squeeze and slipping away. 

“Taehyung!”

“He loves you, he tolerates me, I wish you luck!” And then he was gone. 

You were allowed three breaths to collect yourself before your brother arrived, and he looked furious. 

“Brother -”

“Where has he gone?” He asked, cutting you off completely, “I need to have a word with him at once.”

“And what must you say that I cannot be present for?”

“It is not your presence that is the problem, it is his.” He replied, his jaw taut with frustration. 

“I am confused, is he not our oldest friend? What slight has he committed other than being the only gentleman to entertain me for the night?”

“What he has done could very well be your ruin, he will humiliate you. He has made a spectacle tonight and continues to ignore propriety. After that show, when no proposal comes to follow, you will be the laughing stock of the Ton.”

The ache in your chest returned tenfold. You knew that Jin hadn’t meant to hurt you, but intentions be damned it hurt worse than what those ladies had dared to insinuate. You knew that Taehyung did not return your feelings, and apparently Jin knew that as well. And worst of all it only confirmed what you knew to be true - your marriage prospects were in the gutter. You were an embarrassment to your family. 

You couldn’t stop the sniffle, or the quiver of your lip and that did not escape Jin’s notice. The anger quickly faded from his face. “I did not intend to hurt you, it is not you that I am angry with or disappointed in, you must know that.”

You shook your head, your cheeks warm with embarrassment at how quick you were to come to tears in front of all of society. You took a step back from your brother, “I require a moment alone, please.”

The anger had melted to confusion, and the confusion had formed into distress on his face. Jin adored you, he never wanted to hurt you and now he could see that while it had not been his intention, he had done the very thing he never wished to do.

“Sister-”

“Please excuse me,” You said, your voice tight with barely restrained emotion before you turned and rushed through the crowds. 

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, the lights were too bright, it was too warm, and there were far too many people. Your skin felt very sensitive and each brush against another gown or jacket had your body responding with the desire to peel at your very own flesh. 

This was another embarrassment to your family, this phantom illness that you were unable to shake. It was humiliating how debilitating it was, it was something even your own mother could not comprehend. This feeling of utter claustrophobia inside your own body, like even your own skin was too tight. In moments such as this, your body took over your conscious mind and made decisions for you. All that you knew was that you needed to get away from these god forsaken crowds so that you could just be able to breathe if only for a moment. 

When you came too once more, it was to the feeling of cool air grazing the exposed skin your gown did not cover. The breeze was a welcome, distracting stimulus. Outside, it was finally quiet. A natural quiet accompanied by the gentle chirp of crickets and the rustle of leaves in the wind. The chatter of the party was muted in comparison. 

Now, able to collect your thoughts, you realized just how much of a mess the night had turned out to be. Not only had you been ridiculed by your fellow ladies, but Taehyung had managed to make your standing worse while trying to help you, and you had disgraced your brother. You hadn’t wanted this to begin with, this wasn’t entirely your fault. However, you could not ignore the nagging pull of guilt in your gut.

Despite what everyone else has claimed, you felt the furthest thing from a woman. You still felt much like a child.

Amidst your musings, a roll of laughter caught your attention. You came to a stop in the gardens and despite knowing how improper it was, you stayed hidden and peered around the corner as quietly as you could. You knew that laughter. 

It was Taehyung. 

He stood with a group of other men, all of them deeply engaged in conversation with one another to the point that you were unworried over being discovered in such a compromising position.

“I can’t believe you of all people have decided to settle down, the worst rake of us all!” One man laughed, his cheeks flushed from spirits. 

“Oh come off it, it comes for all of us eventually. I find myself quite satisfied with settling down, I have a lovely bride with a decent dowry. What more could I ask for?”

“Your freedom, perhaps?” That inspired another round of raucous laughter. 

You felt your stomach turn in disgust. Is this what these men thought of the women of society? As shackles that were inevitable but bearable so long as she has a pleasing face and figure and a large sum of money? Was that all you were, another piece on the board to be sacrificed for the hubris of man? This wasn’t what your mother had told you, your father and her had shared a love that came straight from fairytales. 

“And what of you, Taehyung? It’s about time isn’t it - you can only avoid it for so long?” The engaged man probed.

“I’m afraid the frantic mothers of the Ton will be waiting for a long time before I even consider laying down such a sacrifice.” Taehyung laughed. 

This you were not surprised by, he had reflected this very sentiment this morning in your drawing room. However, it did not soften the blow.

“Are you quite sure? You looked rather taken with Seokjin’s beloved sister, four dances - how scandalous!” They laughed as your skin burned in embarrassment. They were mocking you, mocking the standards every woman in that room upheld. You were suddenly finding them rather vile.

You waited with baited breath for Taehyung to come to your defense as he had promised before, to be your protector when you could not. 

His head tilted back as he pretended to be in thought before his eyes rolled dramatically, “I would never marry her or for that matter court her. Have you truly seen her? She is not the type of woman one finds themself wanting.”

The round of laughter and agreements that followed fell on your own deaf ears. In that moment you truly understood the meaning of heartbreak, there was no better way to explain the encompassing pain that was radiating from your already fragile heart. You had always known that it was a childish dream to believe that he would want you in the same way that you desired him. But to hear him admit it, to hear him laugh at the thought of it, to hear him mock your very appearance was the nail in the coffin. 

You were nothing more than a cruel joke, and with what he had said the damage was already done. Not only did Taehyung not want you, but he had also ensured that no one else would ever look at you with a modicum of desire. You were ruined.

Your hand fisted the fabric of your dress, clawing at where your heart would be. It did nothing to soothe your distress but your body was out of your own control at this point. All you could do was slump against the wall in complete distress. A night that was supposed to be joyful and celebrate your entering society, had turned into something from your worst nightmares. And you were the laughing stock of the Ton. You couldn’t bear to stick around and observe the aftermath, the hushed whispers, the barely contained laughs. You need to go, you need to disappear.

You hastily wiped away your tears, your makeup staining your once white gloves in the process but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You did your best to remain hidden, as you usually did, and stuck to the shadows and walls as you made your way back to the front of the estate. Just as you felt your impending freedom, a hand wrapped itself around your arm and jerked you to a stop.

“There you are!” Jin called, his voice relaxing with relief. “What in the world made you think it was a good idea to run off by yourself alone?”

A pitiful sniffle was your response and that was enough to make your brother frantic.

“You’re crying? Why are you crying, what happened to you?”

Your shoulders shook and your fists balled up in an effort to keep yourself composed. It was childish to keep crying the way that you were, you were supposed to be a lady. But you just couldn’t do it anymore, you couldn’t keep pretending. 

You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Jin, your forehead pressing into his shoulder. “I want to go, please.”

He stilled for a moment before he relaxed and held you in a comforting embrace, his hand gently smoothing the back of your hair. “I’ll call for a carriage and we’ll get you home, if anyone asks I will take responsibility for your absence.” 

“I don’t want to go home, I want to go to Whitepoint - I want to stay with our aunt.”

Jin was confused, you could see it plain as day on his face. “What has brought this on? You must tell me what has happened otherwise I cannot help you.”

“I can’t stay here any longer, I can’t handle all of these prying eyes waiting for me to fail or embarrass our family at any moment. I need to go.”

His face softened, “You could never embarrass me.”

“You and I both know that is untrue. I would love nothing more than to stay with you and mother, but I need this. I need more time, please, let me do this.” You begged.

There was a sadness in his eyes, one that told you that he had already accepted your terms but did not wish to see you go. Jin would do anything for you, no matter the request, even if it hurt him.

“How long will you be gone for?” He asks, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide the emotion that was bleeding into his words.

“I do not know yet, only time will tell.”

He nodded, solemnly, before leading you back to the front of the estate, his arm hooked into the crook of your elbow. He was silent as he waited with you and he did not speak again until your carriage arrived. He was looking at you with a sense of forlorning, like he knew that this would not be a visit contained to one season. He knew.

“What is that look for?” You asked.

“It is nothing, I was just realizing that we have never been apart since the day that you were born. I am now realizing how lonely it will be without you.”

“I am leaving first thing tomorrow, we still have breakfast.” You teased with a weak smile, you were still not fully recovered from the heartache deep in your chest.

“I just always thought I would have more time.” He mused.

Little did you know, he had been right to mourn your departure. The first time you had left your brother’s side was longer than you had anticipated and before you had realized it, years had melted away. 

~~~~~~~ 5 Years Later

“A letter has arrived for you, my lady.” Your maid called for you as she unsealed the envelope with a letter opener, “It is from your mother.” 

The pianoforte made a ghastly sound beneath your fingertips as you startled at the mention of your mother. The five years you had spent in isolation from the Ton had included your beloved brother as well as your mother. Your aunt had done her best to enforce the privacy that you had requested and this had included correspondence, all letters had been addressed to or intercepted by her and her alone at your request.

You cleared your throat and collected yourself, regaining the composure you had trained yourself into in the past years.

“You may take that to my aunt, Lilah, I have not corresponded with my mother in quite some time as you are aware.”

“My mistress has requested that I deliver this to you and you alone, my lady.” Lilah replied, placing the unsealed envelope on the top of the pianoforte, “I will give you your privacy, when you are ready to draft your response I will return.”

You stared after the maid’s retreating form. In any other house, her words and disposition would have been mistaken for disrespect. However, Lilah had been a faithful servant to your family since you were born, she being only eight years your senior. She truly had the best of intentions when it came to you, and she knew when to talk to you like the petulant child that you were being despite your age.

Your fingers trembled as you slid the stationary free from the envelope and began to read.

Dearest, 

It has been quite some time since you have been home. Your brother and myself have missed you deeply during this time that we have spent apart. Your dear aunt has told me of the woman that you are growing into, and I am deeply saddened that I have missed these defining years of your youth. Your brother and I have spoken often of your return, and as we approach your fifth season away from home we have come to a decision on the matter. While Seokjin was in firm agreement with your decision to leave home, I have made my stance on the matter very clear. While I hold little authority as dowager viscountess, I still hold much authority as you and your brother’s mother. It is upon my request with the approval of your brother, that you are to return home this season. 

While you may not think this to be so, I do understand the heavy burden that comes with being a woman in society. However, as your mother, I can no longer stand by and allow you to hide from your responsibilities in the country. I have listened to your brother long enough and I have given your aunt plenty of time to prepare you for your return to society. You are quickly approaching spinsterhood and it is now time to find you a suitable match. Your aunt has let me know your stance on this as well, and I regret to inform you that we are no longer in a position where we can wait. In spite of your aversion to marriage, I will be securing you a match by the end of the season whether you return home or not. However, if you decide to stay with your aunt in Whitepoint, you will have no input in the suitor that I choose for you. With this knowledge, I find that it will be in your best interest to return home at once.

Do not think me heartless, dearest. It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision. Your brother and I have missed you and we both are doing this to ensure that you will be taken care of. And, selfishly, I knew that this would be the only way I would see you return home to me once more. I know that you will be angry and I know that you will be hurt, however, do know that we have tried to give you the most time that we could possibly afford. You have had five years now to explore your passions and grow, that is more than most women have ever been able to have. Your brother and I eagerly await your return.

With all my love,

Mother

The stationary crunched beneath your tight grasp as you finished reading. Foolishly, you had hoped that they would give up on you. That they would see that you had no desire to ever return to that god forsaken snake pit that would sooner devour you than see you be free. 

In your time away from home, your anger had grown hot. You had lost much of the youthful joy and zest for life that you had once possessed. Little did your mother know, you were every bit of the frustrated and frigid spinster that she feared you would become. That one horrible night had left you with quite the impression of men in society. You would sooner cut off your own ring finger than settle down with a man who viewed you as a set of shackles. You had no desire for marriage or even romantic companionship anymore. What faith you had once had, had shriveled and faded away.

In your eyes, this letter had been your own death sentence. There was no escaping this, not with your brother in agreement with your mother. And while you knew that you always had a home with your dearest aunt, she knew better than to act against a viscount and his mother. You were caught in a trap that you desperately wished to gnaw your way out of.

You had countless worries regarding your return home, and chief among them was seeing him again, Taehyung. The childish crush you had once harbored for him had died long ago. Where there had once been warmth in your heart for him, there now stood a frigid and bitter winter. You had no desire to ever see him again and in your time away from home you had made it clear that you wished to never hear of him again. 

Shortly after you had left, he had sent a letter to your aunt’s estate. You had been curious when the first letter arrived, but you were so heartbroken that you refused to read a single one of his letters. And with the amount of letters that arrived, you had forged an intense stubborn nature. You had initially been startled by the volume and speed with which they arrived, but now in your fifth year you had little interest in them any longer. You were certain Taehyung was unaware of your presence that night he had ruined you, and you were certain he was unaware as to why you refused to answer him. And that man being as stubborn as you were just would not quit.

That was of little consequence to you, in your eyes, any connection you had once had to him was dead. But still, you were intensely disturbed by the idea of having to see him again. If you had it your way you would live a long life and die before that was even in the realm of possibility. 

But now, you were left with little say in the matter, not with your mother calling, no, demanding you return home.

You rose from the bench with a growl of frustration, the crumpled letter falling pathetically to the ground. You quickly marched to the entrance of the parlor and sought out your maid. 

“Lilah!” You called.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Draft a response to my mother, let her know that I will be returning in a week’s time.” You instructed.

“A week’s time? You will miss the debut ball.”

“I am well aware, luckily I am no longer a debutante therefore my presence is no longer required. There will be other balls that I shall not escape.”

“Your mother will be displeased, it does not matter if you are not a debutante, this signifies the beginning of the season and a good impression is a lasting impression.”

“This is the impression that I desire. My mother knows of my aversion to marriage but wishes that I play along with the desires of the Ton. My absence will assure them once more that I have little care for the marriage market. If I am to return against my will then I will play this game my own way.”

“And by your own way, you mean self sabotage?”

“I am glad you have caught on, Lilah. My mother seems to believe that she can secure a match for me whether I am willing or not. However, I think she will find it difficult to secure a match for someone who lacks suitors.”

“And however do you think you will manage to escape the season without a suitor?” She asked, finally matching your pace and fixing you with a disapproving look you were not at all unfamiliar with.

That flare of anger fanned in your chest again, “It was not a problem my first season, I do not expect it to become one now. But, on the off chance it were, I believe that my persisting scandal will be a sufficient deterrent.”

“And if all else fails?” She probed. 

“Well, then we rely on my dazzling personality.” You replied sarcastically. Your “dazzling” personality was as prickly as a cactus. As your final defense, it would work well against any curious suitors.

“May I speak plainly, my lady?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think that, perhaps, you are taking this a touch too far? You act as if you are to be hanged.”

“The bonds of marriage are not that different from the constriction of a noose,” You joked in poor taste, “I have seen too many good women become nothing more than a man’s wife. That itself is a tragedy on its own. The Ton knew before I did that I was not suited for marriage, and now that is something that we can agree on. My mother will soon realize that too.”

“It seems you have forgotten where you and your brother have gotten your stubborn nature from. Your mother is a force to be reckoned with, one that you have had the fortune of avoiding for your entire life. I think that you will find this ordeal will not be as easy as you thought it would be.”

“Has anyone ever told you how comforting you are, Lilah?” 

“As often as you have heard about your dazzling personality, my lady.”

~~~~~~~

Your last week in Whitepoint passed faster than you had wished it too. The sleepy coastal town had been a source of comfort for you during your time there. The smell of the sea still clung to your clothes and soothed your frazzled nerves as you endured the carriage ride home. The skin around your nails was irritated and raw from your constant picking, an unfortunate outlet for the intense affliction you had. Still, the minor cosmetic issue was better than the past episodes you had endured: spells of shortness of breath and near fainting. 

A hiss of pain escaped your lips as Lilah swatted your hand with her fan, “Forgive me, my lady, but it would be best to kick that habit now before your mother becomes privy to it.”

You rubbed the sore spot on your hand before sliding your gloves back on, “And I suppose you intend to beat the habit out of me?”

“If I must, and if you insist on disfiguring yourself.” She replied with a sly smile. “There is nothing to fear, your brother and your mother are waiting for you.”

“And if I know my mother, I wouldn’t be surprised if she dragged some poor unsuspecting lord along with her.” You scoffed.

“Do you really think your brother would allow that?”

“Well, he has seemingly joined my mother’s scheming. At this point, I am uncertain as to what his intentions are as well. So much can change in the matter of a year, that and much more can be said for five years.” You sighed, relaxing into the velvet seat. “I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if he is using my marriage status as a diversion from his own.”

“Could he not simply have your best interests at heart?” Lilah suggested.

“While Seokjin is the head of our household, he still is my brother. He would sooner turn me over to our mother than face her wrath.” You replied with a pointed look.

That overwhelming, inexplicable feeling was rising in your chest again as the peaks of familiar townhouses came into view. You weren’t much farther from home, from here on out it would be a short ride. 

You leaned your head back and attempted to collect yourself. You were no longer a little girl who once hid behind her mother’s skirts. And you were no longer the young lady that you had been before that fateful night. You were a woman, composed, intelligent, and resourceful. You were going to make it out of this no matter what.

The familiar scent of wisteria pulled you from your reverie, the carriage halting to a stop. It was now or never. 

The door swung open and the footman helped you exit. Your gloved hands brushed down the satin of your skirt in a refined manner as you made your way back inside your childhood home. Nothing had changed, while the time you had spent away seemed like ages ago, it had not been enough time for anything to truly change. Even the staff was the same, your mother’s faithful butler guiding you to the drawing room with a gentle smile and a compliment as to how much you had grown.

You had barely even entered the room before your mother’s presence was made known. She laid her needlework to the side and rushed to you in a rather unladylike manner before wrapping you in a tight and warm embrace.

“Dearest!” She cried, guiding your head to rest in the nook of her shoulder as she pressed her lips to your forehead. “How I’ve missed you, there, there, let me have a look at you.”

Her hands pressed against your shoulders, guiding you back as she took you in from head to toe. “Look at you, oh how you have grown into yourself.”

You suppressed a flinch, those familiar words echoing in the back of your mind. Promises and laughter over how you still had time to grow into your features. Always the ugly duckling and never the swan. 

“Thank you, mother. I’ve missed you.” You managed to smile. You had missed her, in spite of everything there was little she could do that would make you resent her. Of course, forcing you into a marriage was a step in the wrong direction for your relationship. However, so far there were no suitors hiding around the corner.

“Your brother and I are so happy you have you home again.” She hummed before taking hold of your gloved hands in her own. “We have planned lunch and a promenade by the river to welcome you home!”

“A promenade?” You echoed, your nerves firing back to life, “It has been a long journey home, perhaps we could save that for tomorrow instead?”

“Oh, nonsense! You were cooped up in that carriage all day. It will do you some good to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. The same could be said for that brother of yours, always hidden in that study of his. I swear, if I didn’t force him to leave he would spend the rest of his life drowning in papers there.”

That didn’t sound like the Seokjin that you knew. Of course you remembered how consumed he would become in his work, but he had always managed to find time for you and your mother. He never missed a meal and he never sent you to bed without a proper goodnight. Perhaps some things had truly changed in your absence. 

“Perhaps I should go and save him then,” You suggested, stepping out of her embrace, “I suppose his study is right where I left it?” You teased. 

Your mother laughed, shooing you away with satin gloved hands, “You tease too much! Go and fetch your brother, I’ll see to our transportation. And dearest, it is so good to have you home.”

You delayed for a moment, frozen by the archway in the parlor. It was good to see happiness on your mother once more. Even when you had lived at home, those moments were fleeting. It was nice to know that your return was the reason, outside of the circumstances that lead you back home. 

“It is good to be home,” You lied with a smile.

You made haste to your brother’s study, your skirts clutched in your fists as you ran down the hallway like you were a child once more. While you had changed so much, you could not deny the giddy joy that thrummed in your bones from the sight of those familiar hallways. You knew every nook and cranny, every good hiding spot, and every creaky floorboard. You came to a halt in front of a set of familiar doors and rapped your fist against the wood.

A voice, louder and angrier than you expected, called back, “I remember telling you I wish to not be disturbed!”

Your temper flared and your body moved without your command, shoving those doors open and marching into a dimly lit study, “After all this time, that is how you wish to greet your dearest sister?!”

The furious look on your brother’s face melted away, quickly being replaced by one of surprise. He stared at you for a moment, dumbfounded, before he rose so fast he knocked his chair back and circled his desk. 

You wheezed as he wrapped you in a tight embrace, his chin resting on the top of your head as he held you close like he was afraid you would disappear again. 

“Well now, that’s more like it.” You said softly, patting his shoulders before stepping away.

“Look at you, you’ve gone and grown up without me.” He whispered in awe.

“I wouldn’t say that, you look ages older than I remember.” You grinned.

“Excuse you! I am trying to be sentimental and you are making a mockery of my kindness, you petulant brat!”

“It’s good to see you too, Seokjin.” You smiled. 

“I want to know everything, what you have done since I have last seen you, what you have studied, all of it.”

“Well have no fear dear brother, we will have plenty to discuss over lunch and during our promenade.” You replied.

“Promenade?” He repeated, a look of dread washing over his once happy features. 

“It is inescapable, I am afraid. Mother’s orders. I tried my best to get us out of it, but she is having none of it. I believe this is part of her scheme to find a suitor, a scheme I am sure you are well aware of.”

His dread deepended, “It was not my idea,”

“Of course not, but I am sure it was a welcome distraction from your own duties was it not?”

“...Let’s not fight your first day back. I believe you mentioned a promenade?” He replied, evading answering your question as he offered you his arm, guiding you back towards the foyer where your mother waited.

~~~~~~~

You released another tired sigh as you walked alongside your mother, Seokjin behind the two of you, suddenly interested in the scenery as he avoided your conversation all together. 

Your mother had taken this opportunity to update you on all of the Tons gossip that you had missed during your time at Whitepoint. You were already beginning to miss the crisp seaside air.

“...and they married awfully fast, you know. Soon after they announced her pregnancy and then the infant was born premature but I assure you, that was the largest infant I have ever seen, premature or not!” Your mother’s voice whispered in your ear, delighted by the insinuation she was making.

“How scandalous,” You dryly remarked.

“Indeed!” She laughed.

A pleasant silence fell between you, although it did not last long. “Darling, I know that you have only just arrived, but I find it would be beneficial for us to discuss the delicate issue at hand.”

“You mean my marriage, or rather, the lack of such.”

“Well, yes, precisely,” She stuttered at your forwardness, “As I have mentioned in our correspondence, I am doing this out of love for you. Moving forward, it would be best if the three of us are all on the same page in regards to potential suitors.”

“Seokjin has left us, mother.”

She immediately came to a stop, whipping her head back and forth in a rather uncouth and unladylike manner as she searched for her missing son.

“How I hate it when he does that!” She exclaimed, spotting him a great distance away conversing with several other gentlemen of which you were familiar with. They had long been a part of your brother’s inner circle, something that you had only ever been an observer of.

Your mother’s eyes focused on the men beside your brother as she took hold of your forearm, leaning close to speak to you. “There are several viable options before you, darling.”

You cringed at the thought of courting one of your brother’s friends. You had experience with yearning for the attention of one of them before and you had been burned greatly as a result. It would not do you any good to cause any discord amongst his companions as you had already accomplished. Even now, he was not among them.

“Lord Kim would be a good choice,” Your mother mused and your heart stopped. It took you a moment to realize she was not talking about Taehyung, but Namjoon. “He comes from a good lineage and is rather brilliant from what I have heard, he could be a decent match for your own wit. However, he is notorious for avoiding settling down. He has not had even a single scandal that could allude to any possible relationship. He is so very much like your brother in that regard.”

“Forgive me mother, but if you could refrain from comparing potential suitors to my own brother I would be grateful.” 

“Oh dear me, you are right!” She winced, realizing her own folly. 

There was nothing wrong with Namjoon. In fact he was incredibly handsome, intelligent, and respectful in the few moments the two of you had crossed paths. He would not be a bad option, the issue was with you. You could not trust any of them - men. They spoke words slathered with honey to ladies, but the moment they congregated the most filthsome, lecherous, words left their mouths. You would not surrender yourself to a marriage wherein your own gender would be the basis for such foul thoughts. It was not Namjoon’s fault, but the men of society as a whole.

“Lord Jeon is the youngest among them, you are both the same age now that I think of it. The poor thing is rather timid though, no one has ever seen him ask a lady to dance. It may take too much time and effort to capture his interest. Not that you aren’t capable, darling!” 

Jungkook, you knew him as well. Even now, those large brown doe eyes looked around in such curiosity like he was seeing the world for the first time. Your brother adored him, like he was his own little brother. If you had been seriously considering your mother’s demands, in another life, you likely would have chosen him. He was sweet, kind, and he adored your mother and brother. But deep down in your soul, you knew you couldn’t even trust him. You had resigned yourself to this fate, you would not marry, not even a sweet boy such as he.

“Ah, and there is Lord Park, I am sure you are familiar. He was close friends with Taehyung after all.”

Of course you remembered him. He was there that night too, he had not said anything but you remembered how he had laughed at your expense. That smile on his lips was enough to send rage flooding through your veins as the sight of his face once more.

“Such a sweet cherubic face, he has had many ladies vying for his attention since you’ve been gone. He does, however, have quite the reputation of a rake. I do find, in my personal experience, that reformed rakes can make the best husbands.”

You made a disgusted choke in response to your mother’s statement. You dread to think about what she had been insinuating about your father in his youth. 

“Mother, that is hardly appropriate-”

“And of course there is Lord Jung! He is such a charming young man, and what a sweet smile! There would be no winning in that marriage, one smile and he would get absolutely everything he wants! He has not a single scandal to his name, the biggest mystery about him is how he hasn’t been snatched up yet, especially with such a prestigious family!”

You had no quarrel with Hoseok either. That was mainly attributed to how little you knew of him. Your brother only had the nicest things to say about him, then again, you had never heard him utter a negative word against any of his inner circle. Besides Taehyung, of course. You were sure Hoseok would find a wonderful wife one day, one who suited him perfectly. However, that would not be you. 

“And lastly, Lord Min. The Ton knows so little of him, he tends to keep to himself. He has an air of mystery surrounding him, especially considering he is the only Min left to carry the title, how tragic! Now, if you want my opinion I do think he may be older than I would like for you. It may be in your best interest to find someone closer in age to you, that should ensure a longer marriage.”

Perhaps you would toy with the idea of allowing your mother to think you held any interest in Yoongi - if she insisted you marry, it would be quite comical to target someone she was explicitly telling you that fell low on her list of prospective suitors. 

While you held no intention of marrying, you supposed you and Yoongi were the best match personality wise. You had heard from your brother that, much like yourself, Yoongi never intended to marry either. A marriage of convenience would not be too horrible, you could consider that your final plan should all else fail. If everything went sideways, this would be a mutually beneficial plot.

“It appears you have put much thought into your pursuits, mother.”

“Of course, darling. I have had five years to plan, did you really think I would let all of that time go to waste? I can assure you, come the end of the season we will have secured you the perfect match.” 

“Splendid,” You replied with a pained grin. 

“Lady Kim!” A familiar voice called causing both yourself and your mother to turn, unsure of which of you were being addressed.

“Oh, Lady Jeon!” Your mother called in equal excitement.

Your mother had been friends with Lady Jeon for quite some time, but it appeared that they had grown even closer than you remembered since you had left for Whitepoint. How curious. 

Scheming. 

“How good it is to see you,” Lady Jeon smiled at your mother before she took notice of you, 

“And my, look how you have grown into such a beautiful woman! It is so good to have you back my dear.” Lady Jeon said with a gentle squeeze of your hand. 

You smiled in spite of the burn her compliment left, “It is good to be home.”

“And how has your son been fairing, Lady Jeon?” Your mother asked, incredibly conspicuously as her eyes darted between yourself and the aforementioned lady. 

“Oh! My Jungkookie-”

You waited for a moment, watching as the two of them became enraptured in their conversation before you made your escape. When they were good and well distracted, you edged away from them before fully turning your back and escorting yourself on your own promenade - far away from scheming mothers and potential suitors. 

Foolishly, deep down you had hoped that your mother would forgo her efforts to see you married once you returned home. If anything, you had hoped her desire to see her daughter return to her family estate would overpower those wishes. You were once more reminded that hope was for fools.

The biggest issue that had presented itself was what your next steps would be. You were certain that a ball was unavoidable, your presence would have to be made especially now that you were under the watchful gaze of your mother. Your skin crawled at the thought, your last ball had ended so dreadfully. You could only hope that the scandal that surrounded yourself, and your family by extension, would be enough to ward off any more interaction with any members of the Ton. But it seemed that Lady Jeon was not frightened by any potential scandal, she would be one you would have to watch out for.

A soft call of your name had you halt in your steps. You knew that voice, you would never be able to forget that voice. The way it sounded when it laughed, or teased you, or soothed you. And the way it had taken your heart and torn it to shreds the moment you had given it away.

He repeated it again. You could hear his steps coming closer to you, you could sense his body drawing nearer. 

“My dearest?” He asked, his words heavy with emotion that surprised you although you did not let it show. 

It would be improper to ignore him in front of all of these people. It would make you look cold, callous, and plain rude. In any other circumstance you would not care, but with your mother so close by you had little choice in how you composed yourself. You would have to face him.

You took in a sharp breath before finally turning and facing him. 

He was just as handsome as he had been the last time you had seen him, that would never change. However, he did look different. More mature and, surprisingly, solemn. There were deep, tired circles beneath his eyes and a barely concealed tremble in his lips. There was a certain cruel joy that churned in your gut at the sight, a true expression of schadenfreude.

“Mr. Kim, it’s nice to see you.” Your tone said anything but. You watched as his mouth twisted at the title - you had never called him that. 

There was an unnatural stretch of silence before he spoke. “You have been gone for some time now.”

He too was aware of the public’s presence. And even after all of this time had passed you knew what he was truly saying: you vanished without saying goodbye.

“I have,” You agreed, “The time was quite necessary, everyone should take a break from the Ton now and again.” Your words were plain, completely lacking the banter the two of you had once shared. You were speaking to him as you would any other lord you had met for the first time. You could see the frustration burning inside of him. 

“I wrote to you,” He finally said, slightly breaking his decorum as he lowered his voice to a hushed whisper, “Several letters for five years and not once did I receive a reply.”

You hummed in response, snapping your fan shut. “I am aware, I thought I was doing you a favor by not responding, you know. I wouldn’t want you to waste precious time and ink on someone such as myself. Someone that a man such as yourself would not ever find wanting.”

A look of confusion fell over his face, his gaze flicking from left to right before going still as realization dawned. The color drained from his face, his tense jaw falling slack. You internally preened at the sight.

“I bid you a good day, Mr. Kim,” You nodded, properly - politely, before turning your back on him and resuming your promenade.

Leaving him like that, mouth open and pale in the face, had left you with a certain sense of satisfaction. However, it was not enough. You were greedy in this manner. You wanted to see him suffer, you wanted to see him beg for forgiveness. You wanted him to be entirely at your mercy. It would not be enough until he was on his knees and even then you would never consider the possibility of forgiving him for his transgressions.

You had only made it a few steps away before a firm hand was wrapped around your bicep and you were being tugged off of the path and into the cover of the trees. You let out a sharp yelp as you lost your footing. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who had taken hold of you. 

“Are you mad?!” You gasped, smacking Taehyung’s hand off of you, “Have you not done enough damage? Do you seek to embarrass myself and my family further by creating another scandal that we cannot afford?”

“No one has seen, I need to speak with you.” 

“And you are certain of this? Just as certain as you were that night when I stumbled upon your lecherous foolish companions?”

“You were not meant to hear that!” He yelled, the sudden volume of his voice causing you to flinch back. In your long friendship not once had he ever raised his voice at you. This was new, there was a desperate look in his eyes that made your stomach twist in unease. 

“But I did,” You said, your voice far calmer than his as your fists balled up at your sides, “If you were truly that embarrassed of me, then you could have ended our friendship a long time ago. What you did was unbelievably cruel. I thought that while that place was teeming with wolves, I had one companion who would be at my side to fend them off. But, in truth, you despise me just as much as they did. You saw me as an annoying pest you had to put up with, one that was so undesirable it had to be made known to the entirety of the Ton.”

“Do you truly believe that is what I think of you? After all of the moments we shared?” He asked, his dark brows drawing together in blatant confusion that stirred your embers of anger once more.

“Of course I do! I heard the very words come from your mouth! What more do I need to hear?”

“You don’t understand, I was doing that to pro-”

“What is the meaning of this?” A new voice emerged, cutting off whatever Taehyung was trying to say. It was Seokjin, and the look on his face was one that made your back stiffen and your heart thud. 

“It is nothing, brother. Let’s return to our mother.” You answered, moving to come to his side. 

“This is not nothing, what is he doing here with you, unchaperoned?!” He hissed, “I should kill him!”

“Enough! You are overreacting, it was a simple conversation between old friends, nothing more!” You raised your voice as you moved to stand in front of him and block his path. 

“He aims to dishonor you,” Jin replied, his gaze still trained on the man behind you, “As he has before, you are to stay far away from him, do you understand me?”

You bristled at the instruction. It was as if he did not trust you rather than Taehyung. And while you knew, logically, that was the furthest thing from the truth, you did not appreciate the insinuation that you would fall victim to your old friend’s charms as so many other ladies had before you. In that moment, you were also reminded of your brother’s status as Viscount, especially with the commanding aura he had grown in your absence.

“Trust me brother, that will not be a problem.” You nodded in agreement despite the annoyance you felt. “Again, I bid you a good day, Mr. Kim.”

Taehyung had fallen uncharacteristically silent. There was an angry and bitter look on his face as his jaw clenched and his hands flexed into fists. He lowered his gaze to the ground, refusing to meet your brother’s stern and watchful eyes. 

Something had happened here, something you had not been privy to. You had not been blind to this five years ago, the strained manner in which your brother spoke of one of his oldest friends the night everything had fallen apart. He had been trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy at the time, but his true feelings had successfully bled through. 

You struggled to match your brother’s pace as he hastily guided you back onto the path and in view of the other families on their promenade. Your curiosity was unquenchable. 

“What happened between the two of you, Jin?” You asked, trying to meet his gaze which he was steadily avoiding. “I know something has happened, once you would have trusted Taehyung like he was a part of our family and now you hold contempt for him.”

“Nothing has happened.” He replied, his voice flat and unconvincing. 

“Do you take me for a fool? I am not the child that I once was, I know that something has changed and I deserve to know what it is!”

“It is none of your concern!” He snapped, his fury now redirected to you. 

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of you. The both of you were unflinching, awaiting the other to submit. 

“I don’t know who you have become in my absence, Seokjin. But the man that stands before me is not my brother.” You could see the anger visibility melt from his face and be replaced with regret. “While you may be the viscount, you are still my brother. It will do you well to remember to never raise your voice at me. Remember, I have no issue with my spinsterhood and if I so wished I could return to Whitepoint this very instant. If you wish to avoid another scandal, as you seem to be so worried about, it would do you well to treat me with the respect that I have always held for you.”

His response was one you had not been expecting. 

His gaze softened and a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. “You have grown so much.”

You smothered your own grin that was attempting to rise. “I should hope so.”

“Forgive me, sister, I have forgotten myself. It has not been easy with you gone and I am afraid I have grown fearful of what will happen to you now that you have returned to my care. I merely wish to protect you, whether that be from the prying eyes of the Ton or the hands of any potential suitors our mother may throw at you.”

This was the problem with Seokjin. You could never stay mad at him for long. He was the closest thing you had to a father and despite everything else, deep down you merely wished to please him. You wanted him to be proud of you.

“I understand, however, you must know that I am capable of taking care of myself. I am not quite so delicate as you seem to believe I am. I need you to trust me in the same manner that I trust you. Can I rely on you to do that?” 

“Of course, no matter what may come, you will always have my trust.” He promised with a sincere smile that you remembered well. 

Whatever may come your way, you were confident that your brother would always be at your side. Seokjin silently held out his arm, a peace offering between the two of you. With a grin you hooked your arm through his and allowed him to escort you back to your mother. 

However, you could not ignore the feeling of someone watching you. 

For a moment you allowed yourself to glance back over your shoulder. He was still there, he had been watching the entirety of your interaction with your brother, and still he was watching you. You couldn’t ignore the sudden twist in your gut, the sense that something was horribly wrong, that this would be one of your final moments of peace before the storm arrived. 

The look in his eyes was enough to send a chill throughout your body. They were dark, needy, and calculating. Whatever it was that Taehyung wanted, it was not over. Speaking with you had not been enough, you knew that there was still more to come. And even as you turned your head and focused your gaze ahead of you, you could still feel him there. 

He was watching you. 

~~~~~~~

While you were aware that this would be unavoidable, preparing for a ball was enough of an inconvenience that it has your stomach in knots and a sheen of perspiration across your forehead. You simply could not forget just how horribly your last ball had ended, and the reaction you were having was beyond frustrating. 

You were not that young girl anymore, you need not care what the Ton thinks - their opinions do not matter to you. However, they matter greatly to your mother as well as your brother. You were under tremendous stress, you would have to present yourself properly for their sake while simultaneously avoiding any situations that could result in the attention of the opposite sex. It would be a delicate balance between your propriety and your desire to maintain your spinsterhood.

“Honestly milady, we will never be ready on time if this persists.” Lilah exclaimed, rapidly fanning your face and neck with a hand fan. “You are sweating through all of your rouge!”

“Forgive me Lilah but the rouge is the least of my worries at the moment.” You replied, your hand resting on your chest to feel the shaky expand of your lungs as you attempted to calm your breathing.

Lilah paused her frantic fanning for a moment, pressing her hands against your exposed shoulders and forcing you to sit down at your vanity.  Your posture slowly began to relax as her fingers soothed over your hair, delicately organizing it into the style she had chosen for the night. Lilah, like the older sister you had never had, often knew just how to soothe you when you needed it. Years of companionship had allowed for this. 

“While I may not agree with your methods nor your reasoning, I understand why you wish to maintain your freedom,” Lilah’s voice had grown soft, “You are the strongest, most hard headed lady that I have the privilege of knowing. It takes much more than a simple ball to have you cowering in a corner. Now, stiffen that steel spine of yours and take pride in yourself, you are the Viscount’s sister after all.” 

Leave it to Lilah to put you in your place. 

You gave her an amused smile, fixing your posture as you spoke, “How foolish of me to have forgotten my place.”

“Foolish indeed,” She mumbled under her breath with a shake of her head. Her faux frustration was easy to see through as she actively fought against the grin that attempted to spread across her lips. 

“Darling, are you just about ready to depart?” Your mother called as she rushed into your room. 

“As ready as I shall ever be,” You mumbled as you rose from your vanity. 

You stood before your floor length mirror, inspecting yourself before you departed. It had taken you a long while to become comfortable in front of a mirror again after that dreadful night. And even now despite your ability to peer into the looking glass, you could only maintain eye contact with yourself for intervals at a time. You could settle with looking at the gown.

It was lovely, as all creations of the modist were. The gown was made of sapphire blue silk with black chiffon draped over the top. Black and deep blue gemstones had been sewn into the bodice and the sleeves of the gown as well as the black gloves that concealed your hands and arms. The gown shone like the midnight sky by firelight. It was a drastic change compared to your debutante gown that held the charm of a young girl freshly introduced to society. This gown was mature, the color reflective of the mourning of the girl you once were.

“Very well then,” You exclaimed, stiffening your spine and lowering your shoulders, “let us face the wolves.”

~~~~~~~

Unlike that night, Jin was your faithful guard dog. His presence was so intimidating to potential suitors that it left you completely grateful and your mother utterly distressed.

“Dearest,” Your mother begged, “Won’t you give your sister and I some time to each other?”

A mischievous grin spread over your brother’s face, “We’ve only just been reunited and you wish to separate me from my dear family, mother?”

A stern look settled on her features, “Very well, then I am sure you will have no qualms with acquainting yourself with the ladies of the Ton as your sister and I plan to this evening?”

A look passed between you and your brother. You were surprised by the lack of irritation that you were once familiar with. In the time that had passed, Seokjin had grown better at concealing his true emotions. However, you knew him too well. There was a look in his eyes that told you that he had his own scheme at play. 

He let out an exaggerated sigh, one that had you and your mother’s eyebrows raising, “Very well then, I suppose I shall make myself scarce and allow you ladies to mingle.”

“That’s the spirit, dear.” Your mother smiled, the smile of a cat that caught the canary.

The two of you melted into the crowd, Seokjin disappearing from your sight with one last comforting smile and a nod of his head. 

What was he playing at?

Everything was a blur around you, bodies ghosted by with no distinct features. You were too absorbed by your own thoughts, the steady prattle of your mother nothing more than a low hum in your ears that bled into the soft cry of the instruments of the orchestra that filled the ball room. 

He had been too calm, the calmest you had ever seen. Did he intend to truly help you? To not pawn you off to the man with the highest status and deepest pockets? Seokjin would never outright defy the will of your mother, but the love he had for you was enough to soothe the steady buzz of your nerves. 

You grasped your gloves hands together tightly, ceasing the nervous picking at your concealed nails. You needed to get it together, for your own sake.

“Dearest, is that not Taehyung headed our way? And rather quickly too.”

Your mother’s voice shattered your concentration, your head jerking up and snapping from side to side before you caught sight of him. Lo and behold, it was indeed him. How clever of him to approach you in a place where you would not be permitted to run from him. Oh, how you loathed him. 

He looked more put together than the last time you had seen him, his clothes pristine and his hair styled. But those sleepless circles were still present beneath his eyes. The smile on his lips was still charming, but strained. His shoulders were heavy and strung tight with tension that he could not hide, not from you who could read him so well. 

Your mother, who had not been oblivious to the scandal he had caused the last time you had been to a ball, tensed beside you, her fingers tightening their hold around your arm. 

“Taehyung,” She greeted, her smile visibly strained, “How good it is to see you again.”

You pressed your lips together in frustration, your expression anything but welcoming. As if tonight wasn’t hard enough, he had blatantly ignored your brother’s and your own warnings to stay far away from you. This was another complication you did not need. 

“Indeed, it is good to see you as well Viscountess,” He nodded, his dark eyes piercing into you.

“And to what do we owe the pleasure?” Your mother asked, maintaining the pretense of a pleasant conversation.

“Well, I was hoping to ask your daughter for a dance,”

No, not again.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, Miss. Kim has promised me her first dance of the night.” A low voice called from behind the three of you.

You turned your head, startled by the close proximity of a person you had not sensed before. Tall stature, deep dimples. Kim Namjoon.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, Taehyung’s expression flickered between surprise and something darker, something like envy. Your mother’s face lit up in what could only be described as pure and unadulterated joy.

You remained silent, allowing Namjoon’s lie to unfold between the four of you. You were intrigued to see where this would go, especially if it would get you away from the man you had sworn off for the rest of your life.

Taehyung smiled once more, another strained one, “Perhaps her second dance then.”

Namjoon whistled, a playful gleam in his eyes as he spoke with Taehyung, “I don’t know about that, from what I have heard Miss Kim’s dance card is quite full this evening.”

What.

You couldn’t look now, it would give away whatever ruse Namjoon was playing.

“Miss Kim, would you give me the honor of leading you in your first dance back home?” Namjoon asked, holding out his hand for you to take with a charming smile.

You attempted to ignore the soft squeal your mother barely managed to muffle as you placed your gloved hand in his, “I would be delighted to, Lord Kim.”

His smile deepened and so did those deadly dimples of his. You may have sworn off men, but you were not blind. Kim Namjoon was as dangerous to your heart as he was attractive. You could feel the warmth of his skin seeping through your glove, attempting to invade your frigid flesh. Did he know how dangerous he was to a spinster such as yourself? The rascal surely did.

You followed Namjoon, your arm tucked into the crook of his elbow as you approached the dance floor which was already bustling with bright faced young girls whose dresses spun dramatically across the floor in a blur of colors.

Once you were certain you had escaped Taehyung’s watchful gaze, you dared to peek at the dance card around your wrist and sure enough, every slot had been filled with names that were incredibly familiar to you. 

Jin.

“I hope you will be able to forgive myself and the others, your brother can be incredibly persuasive when he wants to be.” Namjoon sheepishly said, moving in front of you to initiate your dance. 

“Persuasiveness is one thing, I never thought he would dare to pre-pen down unwilling partners on my dance card,” You said, your voice cool and your gaze steely.

Namjoon was not intimidated, meeting your harsh gaze head on. You jolted in shock at the feeling of his palm resting in between your shoulder blades, his other hand grasping yours gently. You willed the tingling sensation between his palm and your back to dissipate, now was not the time to be swayed by baser instincts. You had a mission to attend to.

“Unwilling, Miss. Kim? How misinformed you are,” He laughed, breaking apart from you for just a moment to expertly guide you in a spin, “While it may have been your brother’s idea, we are all willing participants in his scheme.”

“And why should I believe that, Lord Kim? One does not agree to something which does not benefit them as well.” 

He was quiet for a moment, his warm eyes scanning your features as he thought, “While the rest of us may not have had the opportunity to know you as well as others, you are our dearest friends sister and that means something to all of us. When asked to protect you, there was no hesitation on any of our parts. And, it is never a problem to share a dance with a beautiful lady.”

You could feel heat rush to warm your face at his remark. While you did not believe him for a moment, there was something refreshing about hearing someone call you beautiful rather than remarking about how much you had finally grown into yourself. With his statement, there was no insinuation that you never were beautiful. 

Kim Namjoon, what a rascal. 

But there was something else about what he said that had caught your attention, “Whatever do you mean about protecting me?”

A look of shock crossed his once confident features. He had made a folly, said something that he was not supposed to say. However, he was saved as the music ceased and the dance came to an end. You, however, were not ready to back down. 

“Excuse me, Namjoon, but I believe I was promised a dance as well.” Another voice interjected. 

And there stood Min Yoongi, a playful smirk just barely tugging at the corner of his mouth. Oh, he was trouble indeed.

“Of course, don’t let me keep you waiting Yoongi.” Namjoon said before retreating, a grateful expression on his face as he was given the opportunity to avoid your line of questioning. 

“Miss. Kim, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance after such a long time,” Yoongi said with a slight bow of his head, “While my name is on your dance card, I am hoping you will still allow me to ask for a dance?”

How was he so capable of saying the right things to pluck at your heartstrings? Rascals, all of them.

“But of course,” You agreed before beginning your next dance. “I was hoping you could enlighten me, Lord Min.”

“Hm, perhaps I could,” He replied, pretending to mull it over. 

“Your friend mentioned something about all of you offering your protection over me, could you do me the service of explaining just what exactly that entails?”

Yoongi’s dark eyes snapped straight to your own, the irises shaking ever so slightly as he thought over what he would say before his lips finally parted and he spoke, “I believe that you have every right to know what is going on. My loyalties, however, do lie with your brother.”

Ah, he was bound to secrecy then. Well, he wouldn’t break any oath if you simply figured it out on your own. 

“This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with Kim Taehyung, would it?” You asked.

“Perceptive,” He hummed, “Yes, it does.”

“Well you and your friends and my brother need not worry, I plan to stay far away from Taehyung. I have no interest in any suitors this season, if I had it my way I would not even be here in the first place.”

“While I can appreciate our shared perspectives, I will tell you that it is not you, your brother and I are worried about. It’s Taehyung.” 

“Taehyung is as harmless as a fly, his greatest weapon is his words.”

Yoongi’s brows drew together in frustration, a look of concern evident in his gaze. “I am afraid that you are gravely mistaken. In all of the time we have spent with Taehyung, we have never known him to be harmless. Coincidentally, his behavior has worsened since you left all of those years ago. There is cause for our concern not only for your reputation, but your safety as well.”

You were immediately taken aback by his words. Not only your reputation, but your safety as well? In all the time that you had known Taehyung, he would never have done anything to harm you. If anything, he would have put himself in harm's way before he ever let anything happen to you. But Yoongi was right. Something about him was different, something had changed since you’ve been gone. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he had been replaced by a sinister counterpart.

“If I am truly in so much danger, don’t you think that I deserve to know what is going on?” You asked, searching his gaze for a sliver of an answer. 

“Of course I do,” He replied, his voice lower and softer than before, “But the last thing we want is for you to be frightened. Please, allow us to carry this burden for you.”

The music ceased but there was no sign of relief on Yoongi’s face as you came to a stop. Before your next partner could whisk you away he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, his fingers trailing against yours slowly before they separated. You felt strangely cold with the absence of his touch. 

“Be on guard, Miss. Kim.” He advised with a nod before he left. 

There was a sickening sour sensation in your gut, one that had you feeling seasick. What could Taehyung have done that was so bad that it turned all of his friends against him? That look Yoongi had given you, it wasn’t commanding, it had been pleading. Begging you not to open Pandora’s box and live in ignorance and bliss.

“Good evening Miss. Kim,” A chipper voice announced themself. 

Jung Hoseok, how like him. 

“Hello sir,” You greeted with a sly grin as his forehead wrinkled in annoyance. 

“Sir? How long have we known each other? I think we are well past formalities.” He pouted before taking hold of your hand with a charming smile.

Jung Hoseok had one of those smiles that used every muscle in his face, his skin radiated when he smiled. You could feel it seeping beneath your skin, warming you to your very core. Your mother’s words echoed back to you, there would be no winning in a marriage with him - just one smile and you would give in to his every desire. 

“If we are as close as you say we are, then would you be willing to indulge me for a moment?”

“But of course,” He laughed, “I do have to warn you though, our mutual friend has made me aware of your snooping. I am afraid any line of questioning involving a certain someone is off the table for the duration of our dance.”

A glance over Hoseok’s shoulder revealed Namjoon who cheekily waved at you with a knowing smile. You huffed in annoyance, Namjoon’s meddling was almost just as bad as your brother’s. 

“And I suppose if I were to ask, you would tell me to leave the worrying to you and your friends?” 

“Yoongi is right, you are a perceptive one.” He hummed in agreement. “However, I will not fall for your ploy. I am afraid I will have to ask you to refrain from asking anymore questions regarding our mutual headache.”

So, he had upset Hoseok as well. In all of the time you had known Hoseok, he had always been a cheerful man. Quick to be empathetic, understanding, and far too kind for your own liking. You couldn’t remember an occasion where he had been angry, although you had heard from your brother how chillin it was when he was. You had laughed at the time, believing Hoseok to be incapable of any emotion adjacent to anger. Now, you could see it. His smile wavered, his gaze hardened. 

What happened between all of them?

Hoseok’s calming smile returned in full swing as he took notice of your unsettled appearance, “Let’s not waste time talking about unsavory things, let’s have some fun instead.”

Hoseok was true to his word, for the remainder of your dance together he refused to mention Taehyung and instead focused on making you dizzy as he spun you around in ridiculous circles that had your feet tripping over each other and breathless laughter tumbling from your lips. You almost felt guilty from just how much fun you were having when you were supposed to be investigating. But it was hard to focus in his presence, and you were certain your brother had been relying on that. 

You found similar results with Park Jimin, your next dance partner after Hoseok. If you weren’t already monopolizing the Tons attention, you surely were now. You were not blind to the stares that penetrated you. Your sudden emergence after a five year absence followed by the attention of four of the Tons most wanted bachelors was sure to stir gossip for weeks. And Jimin was bathing in it. 

“How do you stand all of the attention, Mr. Park?” You asked, fighting back a teasing smile that tried to escape. 

“I could ask you the same question, Miss. Kim. Believe me, they are watching you just as much as me, if not more than me.” He hummed, his watchful gaze scanning over the crowd. 

Jimin was exceptionally good at reading a crowd, he had always been a people person. He was socially competent in a way you could never even hope to be. However, he could prove to be useful to you. 

“You know me, Mr. Park, I have never been one for the limelight. If I had it my way I would still be in Whitepoint, far away from the prying eyes of the Ton.”

“And yet here you are, and we are all the more grateful to have you back.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Park.”

“On the contrary, it’s gotten me everywhere, Miss. Kim.” He laughed. 

“And will flattery give me the information that I am so desperately searching for?” You asked.

Jimin went silent, licking his plush lips in a sign of stress. He looked conflicted, conflicted was good you could work with that. 

“From what I have gathered from your friends, something has transpired since I left all of those years ago. Something that was so terrible all of you have taken a vow to shield me from it to the extent that even I have no idea as to what has occured. What I do know is that a certain someone has been dismissed from your circle and even you, his best friend, have chosen to side against him. Now, why exactly is that?”

“Best friend?” He laughed, “If anyone was his best friend, it was you. And then you were gone and he changed.”

“You know why I left Jimin, you were there that night. I remember how you laughed at my expense with him. It hurt less because I didn’t really know you, but it still hurt nonetheless. You owe it to me, at the very least tell me what I need to know.” 

His gaze softened, a look of regret coming over his angelic features. You could feel the embers of your anger begin to cool. 

“You heard?” He whispered, angling his head so that he could meet your gaze. Those damn brown eyes were softening your heart. You suddenly remembered why he was such a successful rake. His seduction was softer, kinder, and in some cases worse than the typical rake.

You cleared your throat, “Yes, I heard everything. You are not who I am most angry with, don’t take that upon yourself.”

“It wasn’t right,” He interrupted you, pulling you closer as he lowered his voice so that no one would hear the two of you, “I hope you know that I never thought that about you. That environment, it isn’t one you have your own opinion in. After that night, I pulled back from them, Taehyung included. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but I hope that you know that I deeply regret it. I don’t expect your forgiveness but I hope that I can earn it.”

The annoying fluttering sensation in your stomach wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard you tried to force it. He was too close, being too sweet to you, and saying all of the right things. The worst thing was, you knew that he was telling the truth. These weren’t just sweet words intended to soothe your anger and repair your perception of him. He meant it.

“You know how you can earn it.” You said. 

He released a deep sigh and his shoulders relaxed, “A promise is a promise, I am many things but I am not a liar, Miss. Kim. However, there is someone else here who is more loyal to you than your dear brother. I think you’ll be able to figure out who.” 

You grunted in annoyance. These damn men and their foolish sense of pride and honor. Who would be more loyal to you than your brother? Who would be willing to betray their word for you? You couldn’t imagine anyone who would be capable of doing so. Not for you. 

“They are much closer than you think,” Jimin winked as your dance came to an end, his fingers trailing over the edge of your dance card. And, like the rascal that he was, he raised your hand to his face and brushed his lips over your glove in a barely there kiss. Your heart pounded in response. He truly was a sight, your mother’s claims of his cherubic appearance weren’t that far off either with how the light was catching the honey blonde of his hair, creating a halo just behind his head. He truly was angelic. 

“I hope I have earned some of your trust back, Miss. Kim.”

And then he was gone. 

For the first time all night you had a moment of reprieve. It seemed that the endless stream of your brother’s inner circle had finally concluded. You took the opportunity to escape from the dance floor. This was sure to be the talk of the Ton for weeks to come, you couldn’t fathom the attention it was going to bring you. What were Jin’s intentions? You had thought he was on your side, but if anything he was feeding into your mother’s desires. 

Was there no one here that you could trust?

It was swelling up inside of you again, that inescapable feeling, that crushing weight on your chest that made it feel impossible to breathe. Why did this always happen at the worst time imaginable? There was no escape here, not with all of the bodies pressing in on you with their penetrating stares. 

You were losing control. 

“Excuse me, Miss. Kim?” A soft voice called. 

You came to a stop, your gloved hands fisting the satin of your skirt in an attempt to ground yourself. You needed to shove it down, you had to pretend it didn’t exist. Just for a little while longer. You turned and forced a smile on your lips. 

Jeon Jungkook was standing there with an unsure look on his face. While you had seen him the week prior, you had not been able to get a good look at him until now. His hair was longer than you remembered, but he still had a youthful face, and big brown eyes that expressed a soul that was living for the first time. He was not as confident in himself as the other members of Jin’s inner circle, you could see it on his face. 

He cleared his throat, his eyes darting around the room rather than focusing on your face. “While I know that my name is in the last spot on your dance card already, I would still like to ask you if you wish to share a dance with me.”

This was unheard of. 

You knew for a fact that Jungkook did not engage with anyone but the inner circle at these events. Your mother had labeled him a shy young man, that was incredibly true, you could see that even now. Even though he had made a promise to your brother, why would he go to these lengths for you? He was putting himself into the sights of every family there, this would begin an inescapable hunt by all of the scheming mother’s and daughters of the Ton. By doing this, he would be signaling to everyone that he was interested in entering the marriage market.

“Are you doing this because you want to, or because my brother has demanded you do so?” 

A small smile played on his lips, his gaze still directed to the dancing couples as if they were the most interesting thing in the room. “Can it not be both?” 

“Are you certain? I would hate to put you into a position that you cannot go back from.” 

Jungkook sighed, a subtle flush appearing on his cheeks. “Miss. Kim, it took quite a bit of time for me to gain the courage to ask you, and this repeated line of questioning is beginning to make me think I’m more of a bother than a help.”

You couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled in your chest. It took him a lot of courage to ask you? If anything, the roles should be reversed in this situation. 

“It is nothing against you, Jungkook. If anything, I am the one looking out for your reputation.” You assured him. 

“I don’t care much for my reputation,” He admitted, finally raising his head and meeting your gaze, “I just wish to share a dance with you and you alone.” 

You were worried for your heart, after all of the attention you had received tonight it had been working harder than need be. You were certain at this rate it would beat straight out of your chest. Jungkook was too kind, too sweet, and held too much boyish charm. How were you going to survive? 

“Very well, it is your reputation, after all.” You agreed, reaching your hand out and slipping it through the bend of his elbow. Jungkook smiled nervously as he averted his gaze from you, his shy nature coming back in full force. 

Jungkook was, to your surprise, a good dancer partner. While you had never seen him dance with anyone before, it appeared Lady Jeon had not allowed him to skip any dance lessons in his youth. He was so sure in himself when he was dancing with you, it was the first time you had seen him exude such confidence. Although the flustered blush was still present in his cheeks, it was less so than it had been before. 

Now was your time to strike.

“It appears your worries were for nothing, you are a very gifted dancer.” 

Your compliment nearly caused him to miss a step, the flustered look returning once more. He was quick to recover. “It was not my abilities I was worried about, rather, whether you would reject me or not.” 

“Hm, you saw me with your friends did you not? Why would I accept them and deny you?” 

“Well, they are much more accomplished than I am, more social, more well versed in the ways of the Ton.” He explained. 

“Well, then I suppose you and I are more alike than you think.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” 

“Compared to your friends I am quite the recluse, I did disappear for quite some time after all. I have little to no accomplishments, and I desire to be far away from the Ton and its constricting standards.”

“You should not talk about yourself that way,” He gently scolded you. 

“All I meant to say is that we make a good pair.” You explained. 

That quieted him, a look of surprise coming over those big brown eyes. And there was something else there, something that you were beginning to grow suspicious of. Something that was entirely unexpected and utterly surprising. 

“You…you should not say things like that to me.” He stuttered with a harsh swallow. 

“And why not?” 

“Because it will give me too much hope.” He confessed. 

Hope? What could he mean by that? While you had your suspicions you believed that they were too far removed from reality to be true. And if they were true, then you had no time or desire to pursue it. You had much more important plans to address. 

However, Jimin’s words were ringing in your mind, “...there is someone else here who is more loyal to you than your dear brother.”

“Jungkook, can I trust you?” You asked. 

“Of course!” He exclaimed albeit a little too quickly. He too was aware of his eagerness and looked away in embarrassment. 

“I have spent this entire night interrogating your friends, yet I feel no closer to the answers I am looking for. So, I find myself having to ask you outright, what happened after I left? What did Taehyung do?” 

Much like his friends, Jungkook shook off the lightheartedness of your previous conversation. It was odd to see the way anger warped his kind face. It was unsettling. What was even more unsettling was the traces of panic that were present in his eyes.

“What he did was beyond unforgivable.” He said through gritted teeth. “He shouldn’t even be here.” 

“Then tell me, I need to know especially if it is pertaining to me. I am tired of being told it is not my burden to bear, if it is truly that horrible then I must know!” 

“I agree,” He said, to your surprise. “You should know everything, otherwise your curiosity is going to put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it cannot be said here, there are too many eyes and ears.”

  “Then when, where?” 

“Tonight, meet me in the courtyard once the staff have retired for the night.” He instructed.

“How scandalous, Mr. Jeon, asking a lady such as myself to partake in a late night rendezvous.” You laughed. 

“That - you know that is not what I am intending,” He stuttered, that sweet blush rising on his cheeks once more. You just could not help yourself, he was as skittish as a rabbit and it brought you so much delight to see how simple it was to fluster him. 

“Relax, Jungkook, I am fully aware of your intentions and rather appreciative, might I add. You are the first person who has indicated they are on my side in this matter. I will owe you greatly for this. And have no fear, there will be no mention of our meeting to anyone else, your reputation is safe with me.”

Jungkook swallowed, the hand that was settled at your back pressed more firmly as he collected himself. “I seem to remember telling you that my reputation means little to me, Miss. Kim. While I am not anticipating our meeting will be found out, if word were to spread that the two of us were found in such a compromising position then I would happily admit that my affections were at fault. I would not regret a rumor that ties the two of us together.”

You were startled and stumped to say the least. This was the second time he had hinted at that something he was feeling. His reputation was of little concern to him, the suggestion of the two of you being together was enough to inspire hope, and the possibility of you being found out did not bring about a sense of dread for him. In fact, he seemed enthused by the idea of there being a scandal implicating the two of you engaging in behavior that was, for lack of a better term, entirely improper. 

But you simply could not fathom how that would be true. You knew that the Ton believed you to be the most undesirable spinster there was, even prior to your spinsterhood. If that was not enough, then the words of your childhood crush turned enemy were certainly enough to prove your point. But the way Jungkook spoke about you, to you, it would seem that he was infatuated with you. 

But that was impossible. 

You cleared your throat, separating from the young man with a curtsy as the music ceased. “I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Jeon, but I do believe that we will not have to worry about such a thing. Thank you, for this lovely dance, I look forward to meeting with you again.”

There was this look on his face, one of withdrawn sadness, one that could only be described as longing. And he felt that longing, deep in the marrow of his bones. It ached and begged for the gentle touch of your fingers once more, the soft gaze of your eyes, and the sweet turn of that teasing smile that haunted him. You haunted him, day in and out, and sleepless night after night.

“Until we meet again,” He agreed with a gentle bow.

You watched him retreat for as long as you could before he melted away amongst the other party guests. Guests whom you had not been watching, but whom had been watching you. You felt their ever present gaze before, but now you could see it too. You had gone and made yourself a spectacle again, the very thing you had been hoping to avoid. 

You were certain that your mother was thrilled to bits and you could not wait to give your brother a piece of your mind. What a disaster to your carefully constructed plans, alas, you had not foreseen that your brother’s friends would be the “suitors” you would have to offend and avoid. But it was fine, they are not actually pursuing you - it is a ruse.

The ache in your feet was becoming unbearable, you had not moved this much in such a long time and those painfully tight shoes were of no help. You needed a break, you needed just one moment to yourself. 

You found yourself in what appeared to be a library, a corner of the manor that had been left uninhabited by the party goers. It was perfect for you. You settled down on one of the plush lounges, toeing your satin shoes off and rubbing at the aching heels and soles of your feet. In that moment you thought of Whitepoint again, your safe haven. You had gone many days without shoes there, walking the soft sandy beaches barefoot. If you closed your eyes you could ever so faintly smell the sweat brine of the ocean catching on the breeze.

“Must I chase you all night, or can we finally have that conversation that you have been avoiding?”

The illusion was shattered in an instant. He had found you again and you were once more in a precarious position. The two of you were alone, without a chaperone, and easily discovered should one of the party goers stumble into the library.

Damn it all. 

[holysmokesblog]

Don't fall in love with my brothers, please

Ron Weasley x reader

Summary: His only request: don't fall for his brothers. But love, sometimes, is the most disobedient of all.

wc: 1.7k

Masterlist

Ron paced back and forth in the Burrow's dining room. The cramped, furniture-filled space made his task difficult, but he'd found a small, clear path, perfect for working off his nervous energy.

"If you keep going like this, you'll leave a hole in the floor," Molly scolded him, but he paid her no mind.

Ginny casually walked down the stairs, drawn by the tantalizing smell of dinner. But as she tried to approach the kitchen, Ron bumped into her, nearly knocking her off her feet.

"What's wrong with you, idiot?!" she complained angrily, hoping to start an argument, but she was also ignored as her brother continued pacing, muttering something incomprehensible.

"Ginny, love, just ignore him," suggested her mother. "He's nervous about tonight."

"What's going on tonight?" A pleasant smell suddenly reached her nose. "Ron, have you put on perfume?"

"Today we'll meet our dear Ronnie's girlfriend," George chimed in, crossing the room quickly, pushing past his other brother in the process, who glared at him.

"What are you saying? She's not my girlfriend. She's my friend!" Ron corrected him, stopping his pacing around the kitchen.

"Yes, that friend you always write about in your diary," Fred added, coming down the stairs and quoting, "Dear Diary: The other day she laughed at one of my jokes. I think I could live happily ever after just seeing her smile and..."

Completely red-faced, Ron threw a nearby wooden ladle at him, hitting him right on the head. Not far behind, Fred grabbed a nearby plastic cup, ready to throw it.

"Enough! Enough!" Molly demanded, stopping cooking, but everyone froze when they heard someone knocking on the door. "Behave yourselves," his mother instructed in a low, threatening voice before heading for the door. She shook her apron, smoothed her hair, and with her best smile, headed for the entrance.

You stood there, smiling and completely unaware of the war you'd interrupted with your arrival. The twins exchanged knowing glances as their brother stood transfixed, staring in your direction.

For his part, Ron thought you'd never looked so beautiful. A dress he'd never seen before and some makeup had completely disarmed him. His heart was pounding so hard he was afraid you could hear it even from so far away.

"Oh, dear," Mrs. Weasley greeted. "Come in, come in, make yourself at home."

"Good evening," you said as you entered.

"So you're Ron's famous friend." Fred flitted across the dining room to where you were standing, which annoyed Ron. "My brother can't stop talking about you, even more than the Chudley Cannons, which is quite an achievement. I'm Fred, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you," you replied in an amused tone, just as George caught up with you.

"Hey, friend of Ron's? That's a lovely smile you have, Ron doesn't do you justice in his diary." You looked at him blankly. Your panicked friend also crossed the room in a flash to drag you with him to the already set table. You smiled at Ginny on the way, who waved vaguely.

You took a seat at the table and tried to talk to Ron, when a new Weasley strode down the stairs.

"What's all the commotion?" Percy asked, not raising his voice too much but maintaining his usual critical tone.

"Percy, you're just in time to meet Ron's girlfriend," George joked.

"She's my friend," Ron repeated, his tone somewhere between pleading and exasperated.

Percy raised an eyebrow at you with his usual superior air before approaching your seat.

"A pleasure," he extended his hand. "Percy Weasley, Assistant to the Minister of Magic."

"Junior Assistant," Ginny clarified with a smile, earning a reproachful look from her brother.

"Nice to meet you," you replied with a friendly smile as you shook his hand.

"Are you interested in the world of politics?" he asked out of the blue.

"Uh... well, I'm not really familiar with it, to be honest..."

"Doesn't matter," he replied with a slight smirk. "Nor does Ron. But it doesn't stop him from loudly voicing his opinion at every meal."

"Percy!" Ron complained, while the twins laughed.

At that moment, the door opened again, revealing Arthur Weasley, carrying an old toolbox, his hair disheveled, and a few oil stains on his clothes and cheeks.

"The car's already fixed," he announced. "She gave me a good fight... What did I miss?"

"Nothing, Dad. Ron's friend is over for dinner," Ginny informed him.

Arthur's eyes fell on you for the first time.

"Oh, yes, Ron's friend! Welcome, dear!" He shook your hands warmly. "Ron's been asking for you to come to dinner all week; he was very excited," he commented casually.

"Thank you so much for having me. I was really looking forward to meeting you too."

"Lovely," Fred commented, looking directly at his brother, who could no longer hide the scarlet color in his cheeks.

Dinner was served calmly, and everyone took their places at the table. Mrs. Weasley's food was more delicious than you'd imagined, and you let her know, earning a smile from her.

"I'm so glad you came," Molly said delightedly. "It's always nice to have new faces at this table."

"I think you should come more often," George said in a cheerful tone, earning another glance from his brother, whose jaw was clenched. Ginny smiled at you from across the table, noting with some delight how her brothers surrounded you with questions and jokes.

"You're in the same year as Ron, aren't you?" Percy asked with genuine interest, gently placing his fork on his plate. "And are you already preparing for your O.W.L.s? They're crucial for your future. I remember getting an A in most of them. It was exhausting, but clearly worth it."

"Of course," you said honestly. "I'm not sure which path to take yet, so I'll try to take every subject. Professor McGonagall says I have a good chance."

"Hmm," Percy nodded, almost approving solemnly. "A prudent strategy. Although I must warn you, specializing early can make all the difference. I, for example, knew since fourth year that I wanted to get into the Ministry. So I focused my efforts on Charms, Transfiguration, and Muggle Studies, of course."

"Muggle Studies?" you asked in surprise.

"Of course. You can't understand how to influence them without knowing them first," he said, as if it were a grand revelation.

"Well, I don't think it's necessary. My parents aren't wizards," you shrugged.

Arthur, who was preoccupied with a gear and spring, looked up with interest.

"Oh, I had no idea your parents were Muggles... Do you know how electrical outlets work?"

"Dad, please don't," Ron pleaded.

"But it is fascinating!" Arthur replied, offended. "Electricity is a marvel. Those little holes in the wall do everything."

Dinner continued as normal, the Weasleys welcoming you with laughter and family anecdotes that made Ron blush even more (if that was possible). After several failed attempts to intervene, he gave up and remained mostly silent.

At dessert time, which you had brought from home, the twins announced they wanted to officially adopt you as a new member of the family, prompting another irritated grimace from Ron. Amid all the delightful bustle, your best friend seemed increasingly absorbed in his plate, barely taking a bite.

It was after clearing the table that he discreetly approached and asked you to step outside. You followed him outside, where the fresh air instantly gave you goosebumps. Without a word, Ron took off his coat and offered it to you. You smiled at him before accepting, but he just nodded for you to follow him.

You walked silently beside him for a few feet until you reached an old wooden fence where you leaned against it.

"What's wrong? You're so quiet... Did I do something wrong?" you asked, tilting your head.

Ron shook his head gently, smiling sadly.

"You couldn't do it wrong even if you wanted to," he said softly. "You're practically perfect."

"So?" You frowned, confused.

"It's just..." He paused for a long, awkward moment. "You're smart, funny, kind... And Fred and George have that idiotic sense of humor that girls love... And even Percy could seem smart if you got him on a good day."

"So what?"

He didn't answer, just avoided your gaze. You stood up from the fence so you could be facing him.

"Ron," you insisted gently. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Please don't fall in love with my brothers."

Your eyes widened in surprise, not knowing how to respond to his plea. You clutched the coat he'd lent you, which still held his scent. Unable to hold it back for a second longer, you leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on his lips.

Ron froze for a few seconds, staring at you blankly. You didn't dare smile, afraid of ruining your friendship. But when he finally reacted, he placed a hand on your cheek to pull you closer again.

Their lips met awkwardly, but then settled naturally. Your hands tangled in his hair, and somewhat shyly, he placed his hands on your waist, melting into that kiss you had both longed for. When you broke apart, his cheeks were still flushed, and you couldn't contain your smile.

"It was definitely a good idea to invite you to dinner," he confirmed, stealing a short kiss from you.

A murmur caught both of your attention. The kitchen window, misted by the faint heat inside, suddenly revealed several pairs of eyes peeking out brazenly. At once, the curtain moved sharply, but not quickly enough.

"Fred! I told you not to lean on me!"

"Stop pushing, Percy! I can't see either!"

"Shut up! They're going to hear us!"

"George, don't wipe your nose on my hair!"

Ron let out a sigh of frustration, half-resignation, while you couldn't contain your laughter, wrapping your arms around him in a warm hug. On the other side of the glass, a sharp thud followed by an "I told you he was going to fall!" confirmed that, indeed, Percy had ended up on the floor.

And although Ron protested under his breath, muttering about moving out on his own and never inviting you back, he hugged you tighter and let you rest your head on his shoulder as the two of you gazed out at the starry night sky above the Burrow.

[mochafairydust]

Not friends.

Since you accidentally discovered spider-man's identity, the universe made sure to keep putting you two together. Except you're not Parker's biggest fan.

⭑ disclaimer: this is my first fanfiction EVER. i was sooo tired of never finding what i wanted so i decided to give it a shot... constructive criticism very much welcome! enjoy <3

✩ warnings/tags: enemies to lovers, gn!reader, not proofread, i havent written anything long in english for a long time, CAN be for holland's peter but i had garfield's in mind, this is just a pilot to test out the waters <3 fic below

You've known Peter Parker since the start of senior year, a few classes together and nothing more. Peter is smart, aces all his tests without trying because as far as you know, he is late every single day and that pisses you off. It's not realistic how he doesn't get punished by his tardiness simply because he's an unspoken genius! While you try so hard, his worst is not even close to being your best.

During winter break, you unfortunately had to catch up to some work to earn that extra credit so graduating in june was possible, and it sucked. It was late, you were tired and your family wasn't even home. Your brother was getting ready for college and your parents are always out on some business trip, so most of the time the apartment was all yours. You didn't throw parties or anything like that but you could sit on top of the kitchen counter without your mom asking you not to.

Studying in the dark was superior, even though it probably hurt your eyes a lot more, turning the lights on completely was just way too bright. During one of your well deserved breaks, you hear a loud thud coming from the fire exit stairs just outside your window. "What the fuck...?" you jump from your chair, is someone trying to break in? You panic trying to find whatever possible to defend yourself with and slowly make your way to the window. Clearly whoever it was didn't notice you were awake in the darkness of your room, so much so they were mumbling under their breath.

"Jesus christ, it is so goddamn cold..!" you squint trying to make sense of the figure, their movements were so familiar somehow... The person continues to mumble to themselves and you move closer trying to understand what's being said, the closer you get more you make sense of it. Something in between the lines of 'every single time' and 'i need to fix this thing'. You hold onto your window, strategizing to open it at the right moment, you don't need a stranger at your bedroom window at 3:45 in the morning.

The figure mumbles non stop but it also seems to be having some trouble breathing, their chest struggling to get air. They reach to their head, pulling out something that was covering their face. Your eyes widen. Is that-

"Peter Parker!?" you say out loud opening your window fully. He's startled by your voice, standing defensively as he looks at you up and down. "What the hell you doing in my window!?"

"Woah, woah.. Stop yelling there... This isn't what it looks like." He tries to ease the situation with his hands up like he's been caught actually trying to break in, except he wasn't. Peter Parker has been spider-man since the end of his junior year, bitten by a genetically altered spider when he least needed to. Today was a hard day for the boy. Patrolling in the cold and if that wasn't good enough, his web-shooters keep failing on him and he just doesn't have the time to fix them. You take a good look at him, the moonlight helping you figure out this situation. He's holding something in his hand and the tiny blinking red light on his wrists shines on it, it's a mask. Spider-man's mask.

You stand there perplexed, looking at him like you just saw a ghost. He puts his mask back on and leans closer to you. "You cannot utter a single word to anybody about this, okay? Please." He was serious and with the mask on, almost terrifying. You open your mouth countless times to say something but nothing came out, you were completely shocked and just nodded. "Good." Was all you heard before he swung away leaving you speechless and dumbfounded. What just happened?

[allthingsfangirl101]

From Now On – Glen Powell

I took the test several times. Even after a doctor confirmed it, I still couldn't accept it. To be honest, that night constantly replayed in my mind. My dreams were filled with what we did that night. My thoughts were filled with how he made me feel.

As amazing as that night was, it ruined a lifelong friendship. Well, maybe it didn't ruin it, but it definitely complicated things.

Glen and I have been best friends since we were 5. We were inseparable until he got his first acting role. When his career first started, he'd come home in between projects.

As it started to kick off, he didn't come home as much. When he did, he made sure to make time for me. He'd come over and we'd spend all day watching movies, ordering food, and catching up. We'd talk all night until we both fell asleep in each other's arms.

The last time Glen was in town, he was dealing with his most recent breakup. I tried to help him not think about things, but it didn't work. So, we went to the nearest bar and drank for several hours. When we could barely walk, we got in a cab and went back to my place. Somewhere along the way, we didn't hold back.

I remember everything about that night. I remember how it felt when we kissed. I remember how soft his hands were as they explored my body. I remember the chills he caused as his lips touched my skin. I remember the moment we both gave in.

I also remember waking up to his phone ringing. I remember the feeling of my stomach sinking when he got out of bed and started getting dressed. I remember how I felt as I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

I remember him walking back to the bed and sitting on the edge next to me. I remember how gently he lifted my chin. I remember how he held onto my chin as he leaned in and delicately kissed me. I remember him promising to call me.

I don't, however, remember him calling me.

A few weeks went by, and I started to feel weird. I was nauseous, uncomfortable, and easily irritated. After I was late, I panicked. I ran to the nearest pharmacy and bought three tests. Even after going to my OBGYN, I still didn't fully believe it.

I was pregnant with Glen's baby.

After I found out - and I finished freaking out - I tried calling him. I called him over a dozen times. I left messages, begging for him to call me back. But he never did. So, I decided to do this on my own.

Seven months after Glen and I crossed the line we can never uncross, I was walking out of my latest baby check-up when I bumped into someone I was kind of hoping I wouldn't see.

"Y/N?"

I held my breath as I turned around. The second I did, Leslie's eyes widened. "Oh my. You're pregnant! Congratulations! I didn't know that you were dating anyone. I thought. . ."

I subconsciously put my hands on my belly. I cleared my throat and looked away from her.

"Y/N," she whispered as she took a step closer to me. "How far along are you?"

"7 months," I whispered.

"Oh," she gasped. I watched as her eyes widened. "It's his, isn't it?" I opened and closed my mouth, unable to answer her. "Y/N, are you pregnant with Glen's baby?"

I felt like I couldn't breathe when she asked me that. I didn't have to say anything. The tears in my eyes must have given it away. Instead of waiting for me to answer, she took a step forward and wrapped me in her arms.

"Does he know?" She asked with her arms still wrapped around me.

"I tried to tell him," I said through my soft sobs, "but he never called me back!"

When the rougher sob escaped, she tightened her arms around me. "Let's sit down," she whispered as she led me to a nearby bench. Once we sat down, she kept her arms wrapped around me.

"I'm sorry he never called you back," she whispered. "Do you want me to call him and tell him to call you or. . ."

"No!" I gasped, quickly pulling out of our hug. "Please, no. Leslie, you can't call your brother. You can't tell him. Please. Promise me you won't tell him. It shouldn't come from you. It should come from me. And I know I should've worked harder to get through to him. But eventually, I had to stop focusing on chasing Glen and start focusing on the baby. Right? I'm a mother now. My baby needs to be my whole world, have my whole focus. Even. . . Even if I have to do this alone."

"You don't," she gently cut me off as she grabbed my hands. "You're not alone in this, Y/N. Even though Glen is away a lot for work, you've got all of us. You're not alone."

"I'm not?" I asked, my voice breaking. She reached up and gently moved some hair out of my face.

She rewrapped her arms around me. "You're not alone," she whispered as she started rubbing my back. "We've got you, honey."

"I know I need to tell Glen," I whimpered. "It's just been so long. He's going to be so angry with me for not telling him."

"No, he won't," she gently pushed. "Glen could never be angry with you. He might be upset for a little while that he didn't know right away, but he'll be excited."

"Excited?" I asked, my voice breaking.

"Of course," she chuckled. "Honey, the one thing my brother wants more than anything is a family."

"But with me?"

"Y/N, you don't know this," she said with a smile, "but Glen has loved you all his life."

"He what?" I stuttered.

"He's loved you all his life," she repeated. "He's been in love with you since you got scared during the haunted house in middle school, and you clung onto him. He told me that he felt like your hero that night. And he didn't want to ever not feel like your hero. So, I know that when he finds out that you're pregnant with his baby, he is going to be so excited."

"You really think so?"

"Oh, honey," she sighed. "I know so." She paused before gently adding, "But you need to tell him."

"I know," I whispered. "And I will. I just. . . Have to find the right words."

"And when you do?" She asked. I looked at her, well aware that what I was about to say wasn't as easy as it sounded. She knew it, too. She probably also knew that it would take a lot of courage to do it. Courage that I wasn't sure I had.

"I'll call him."

* * * * *

I didn't fully believe Leslie when she said she wouldn't tell her brother about the baby. It was clear that she had, in fact, called her brother when I answered the door a few days later, thinking it was the pizza deliveryman. It wasn't.

"Glen," I gasped. I was frozen as I stared at him. His eyes slowly fell to my 7-month belly. When he looked back up at me, there were tears in his eyes.

"Hi," he chuckled awkwardly. "I know it's been a while, but Leslie told me I really needed to talk to you. She kept pushing me to call you. I thought she was crazy and overthinking something. Clearly. . . Clearly, she was right to be so pushy."

I held my breath as he slowly reached forward. The tears burned my eyes as he placed his hands delicately on my belly.

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

His question was soft, so soft it was almost a whisper.

"A son," I answered. "You have a son, Glen."

His eyes lit up. In the blink of an eye, he let go of my belly and pulled me into his chest. The second I was wrapped tightly in his arms, the tears started streaming down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Glen," I sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry."

Glen gently shushed me. Without unwrapping his arms from around me, he led me back inside. He closed the door behind us and made sure to lock it. I was still silently sobbing as he led us over to the couch.

We sat down and finally pulled out of our tight embrace. He reached up to move some hair out of my face, but I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I was all of a sudden hit with all the guilt I've been pushing down for the last 7 months. And it felt like I was drowning.

"There are some things I think we need to talk about, Y/N," he tried to joke. I closed my eyes, struggling to calm myself down. Glen gently grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried," I said, my answer getting caught in my throat.

"What do you mean?" He asked, slowly letting go of my face. 

"I called you," I confessed. "I called you right after I took the test. Well, tests. And then I called you again after I went to my OBGYN. I left you a lot of messages, begging you to call me back. The only reason I didn't leave it in a voicemail or a text was because it wasn't something you should hear that way."

"Oh," he whispered as he looked away. Without looking at me, he reached over and grabbed my hands. He squeezed as he looked back up at me and mumbled, "I suddenly remember all the missed calls I never returned. I am so sorry, Y/N. I never meant for you to go through any of this alone. I should've called you back. Please forgive me."

"Of course," I stuttered. "Wait. . . You're not. . . You're not angry with me?"

"Angry with you?" He repeated. "Why would I be angry with you, darling?"

"Because. . . I found out I was pregnant and didn't tell you."

"To be fair," he smiled, "you tried. I was the one who forgot to call you back. But I promise, from now on, I will never forget to call you back. In fact, I will make sure I always answer your phone calls."

He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to mine. I grabbed his face and deepened the kiss. Silent tears streamed down my face as we kissed - something I have wanted to do since the morning he left 7 months ago.

Glen broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. I smiled when he slightly rubbed his nose against mine. When he leaned back, I saw sadness in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Were you really going to raise our baby alone?"

"Well, yes," I shrugged. "I didn't really have a choice."

"You do," he said, his voice nothing but serious. "And so do I."

"Glen. . ."

"You have been pregnant on your own for 7 months," he continued, "but you're no longer alone. From now on, you are not alone."

"That's good to hear," I whispered. He smiled as he reached up and cupped my face.

"Y/N," he whispered. "I love you. I always have. And now, I love our son. Which means you and our son are going to be the reason I am never going to be unreachable. I will always be here for you both."

"I love you, too," I whispered as I reached up and gently grabbed the wrist of his hand that was still holding my face. I put my other hand gently on my belly. Glen soon placed his free hand on top of mine. "We both do."

Without letting go, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I let out a small moan as I kissed him back. That moan turned into a giggle when he gently laid us down. He laid next to me, with his hand delicately on my belly. Before we could get too into the kiss, the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" Glen pouted as he broke the kiss. "And how dare they interrupt a family reunion?"

"It's the pizza I ordered before you got here," I chuckled.

"Oh," he smirked. "I could eat. What'd you order us?"

"This baby has done nothing but crave meat lovers."

Glen laughed as he stood up. He didn't go to the front door right away. Instead, he leaned down and kissed my belly.

"That's my boy."

[straydreaminggoose]

Destress

Brother I have no words for this. I am writing this description only halfway through writing this fic and I feel DERANGED. Like why am I this feral. But I blame Mr. Bangchan himself because why the fuck you gotta be like that bro. Uhhh anyways Warning this is a derranged piece of work mainly inspired by chan grabbing that fucking camera while performing railway. Also lowkey my first time writing smut to post so if things seem a bit all over the place I apologize I was just kind of writing as my brain came up with things.

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Chan is one degrading mf, face fucking, restraints, dom and sub dynamics, hole-ification (I don't know what to call this but you'll see), mention and use of many toys, use of a butt plug, unprotected sex, photographing during sex, rough sex, improper use of punctuation on my behalf, just porn but a long one, orgasm control/edging, slight crying kink, squirting (i really should have just said everything)

You were sat on the bed like you should be. Feet tucked under your rounded ass, hands on your knees, waiting for him to get home. You know he's been having a hard time at work. Long nights, early mornings, all in preparation for their comeback, so you decided to surprise him. You were broken from your thoughts by the sound of your front door opening.

"Y/n?"

It was the voice of your loving boyfriend chan. Normally you'd run up to him and greet him with a smile and a kiss, but this evening he got silence. He assumed you had already gone to bed, so he continued on his with his nightly routine trying to stay as quite as possible. You heard him go to this kitchen and grab a glass of water, then walk to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then heard his footsteps as he slowly approached your bedroom door and open it as quietly as possible so as to not disturb your sleep. However, instead he was greeted by you sat there in the middle of your shared bed wearing a sheer baby pink bra and matching panties that you have been saving for a night like this. Your hair fell perfectly at your shoulders with light waves. You looked angelic and chan swore for a moment his heart stopped and he was seeing an angel.

"Holy fuck y/n." He said breathlessly.

"Hi baby." You said in the most seductive tone possible.

Your plan seemed to already be going quite well as you could tell, even in the dim lighting of your room, chan was already starting to get hard. You got up off the bed and walked to your boyfriend still in the doorway stunned in silence. You wrapped your hands around his neck letting your hands dangle lazily off his shoulders. His hands instantly made their way to your hips holding you in place as he tried to ground himself back in reality. He didn't say a word half scared he fell asleep at work and this was all just a dream. You let out a small laugh as you gazed around his face. You found it endearing how shocked he was.

"You look insane baby." He finally said

"Thank you, I try to" You replied

His grip tightened at your waist and his thumbs started to smooth along the front of your hip bones.

"No baby, you do not understand. There are no words that exist to describe how gorgeous you look."

You let out a small laugh again slightly blushing this time. Your cute antics just drive Chan even more insane. Suddenly his eyes went wide and he started to panic.

"Wait! Did I forget something important? Oh my god baby I'm so sorry I've been so busy I-"

You cut off his rambling with a quick kiss. You pull back with a smile, finding him so cute when he gets flustered.

"No baby, you didn't forget anything. I just wanted to treat you tonight. You've been so stressed lately and I want to help you destress." You tip toed up until your lips were inches from his ear.

"Which means you can do whatever you want to me tonight." You whispered

He tilted his head back and groaned.

"You are going to be the fucking death of me y/n."

Suddenly a switch in him flipped and you knew it was going to be a long night.

This time he initiated a kiss that was much more touch starved and hungry than before. One thing about Chan was that, when you give him the green light he is going full throttle. He was rough, he was dirty, he was messy, he was down right filthy. And you loved it. His kisses were full of lip biting and tongue. He pushed you back into the room, never breaking from the kiss once. He only pulls away to take off his shirt. You take the chance to feel up his abs running your hands up and over his pec and back to his face. Chan's hands move to grab a handful of your ass only to pull back and give it a hard slap. You gasp, breaking the kiss and Chan steps back slightly.

"On your knees. Now." He said sternly.

You instantly drop down and look up at him. He grabs you by the chin and smirks

"God you're so fucking desperate for a bit of cock. It's pathetic."

He pulls down his sweat pants, now stood in front of you in only his underwear and god did he look beautiful. All his muscles made him look like he was carved from marble. You could see the outline of his dick pressed against his boxers making your mouth water with anticipation.

“Take ‘em off.”

You reached up to haul down his boxers causing his cock to spring free. You decided you were going to be good today which means only moving when told to. When Chan says take off my underwear he means do only that. If you were to touch him without permission you would be in for a rude awakening. He grabbed his cock with one hand and your chin with the other. He slaps you across the face with his dick causing you to let out a moan.

“Yeah I know you’re a filthy bitch. You’d do anything if it meant you got one of your holes stuffed. Open up slut.”

Most of the time Chan was a very loving and kind boyfriend, but behind closed doors he could be a completely different person. You stuck your tongue out and let him do as he wanted with your mouth. He slapped and bounced his dick off your tongue a few times.

“Suck”

You licked a long, slow strip from the base of his shaft to the tip. Chan rolled his head back and groaned.

“Oh fuck baby”

You closed your lips around the head of cock and moved your tongue around his tip. You grabbed the base of his cock and started jerking off whatever wasn’t in your mouth. You continued to suck and take in more of his cock moving and bobbing your head up and down. Chan’s hands eventually found their way to your hair grabbing it tight. The closer he got to cumming the more his hips started to falter and thrust into your mouth causing you to gag. He held your head back and started fucking into your mouth like a fleshlight.

“Oh fuck baby I’m gonna cum” he groaned

A few more thrusts and he was cumming in your mouth. He grabbed you by your chin fingers digging into your cheeks.

“Open.”

You opened your mouth, tongue covered in his cum. Suddenly he spat in your mouth. Something he’s never done before catching you off guard but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on even more.

“Swallow.” It was a harsh quick command, but of course you listened.

“Fuuuck that's it babygirl.”

You look up at him with big doe eyes waiting for his next command.

“God you really are a slut” He said as he tongued the inside of his cheek, a habit he has when pissed off.

He stood there contemplating what he was going to do next. On nights like these you were merely a toy, nothing but a dumb hole for Chan to fuck.

"Get on the bed and lie down for me baby."

You pick yourself up off the floor and notice Chan heading for the closet. You get comfy lid on your back in bed and Chan comes back with a box from the closet. Your heart starts beating faster in anticipation knowing what is inside.

"What do I want to do tonight?" Chan says speaking more to himself than you.

Eventually Chan pulls out a silk tie, vibrator, butt plug, and lube (safe sex everyone, we are a lube loving household).

"Hands together for me babygirl"

You offer him your wrists and he brings them above your head securing them together and then tying them to your bedpost. You give a quick tug to make sure they are secure and give Chan a reassuring smile to let him know you still feel comfortable. Chan would never do anything he knows would upset you or make you feel uncomfortable. He knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. He picks up on all your unintentional habits such as playing with your rings or biting your cheek when anxious, and calms you down before you even realize you were anxious in the first place. The communication between the both of you has been so strong ever since the start of your relationship, that now sometimes you don't even need to speak to have a whole conversation with each other.

Chan takes a step back to admire you. Hair a mess, mascara running down your face, puffy lips, tied up, with a visible darkening patch on your panties. It's something straight out of a wet dream.

"I could look at you like this for hours" He confesses.

He reaches for his pants that have been discarded on the floor and hauls out his phone. He unlocks it and focuses it on you.

"Spread your legs for me baby"

You slowly open your legs wider. It wasn't until this point did you realize how wet you were feeling the cold air hit the wet spot of your panties. Chan quickly snaps a few pictures from a few angles muttering to himself about how beautiful you look after each one. Chan slowly climbs his way onto the bed and between your legs. You take in his gorgeous complexion beads of sweat already forming on his forehead causing just a few hairs to stick. His chain dangles in front of your face and you so desperately want to just grab it and pull him in for a kiss. He places his phone down on the nightstand and locks eyes with you.

"Hi babygirl" he says with a big smile on his face before leaning down for a kiss.

Even in times when he was rough he couldn't help but let out his soft side here and there. Chan continued kissing down your jaw nipping and biting here and there along your neck, slowly working his way downward. He got to the valley between your breasts when he grabbed hold of both cups of your bra and ripped them apart.

"CHAN I LIKED THAT BRA!"

"I don't care I'll buy you a new one." He said before attaching his lips directly to one of your nipples sucking and nibbling on it, tearing a moan from your mouth.

"Also shut up before I gag you" he said quickly popping off from one breast to attack the other.

Once Chan was satisfied with the amount of hickeys he had left on your chest he worked his way lower, kissing down your stomach stopping just above your panties. He took the hint from the way you reacted with your bra and slowly pulled down your panties. Watching as they clung to you with your slick (I gagged writing that) and pulled away with a long rope of arousal attached from your cunt.

"Goddamn babygirl you're this wet from sucking me off and a few hickies?"

You tried to hide your blushing face in your arms regardless of the restraints proving to make it quite hard to do so. Chan raised his body back up and took in your now naked body.

"I'm gonna turn you over babygirl okay?"

You nodded and let Chan turn you over so your ass was now up. You slowly shuffled yourself until you were on your knees. Face down, ass up just how he likes it. Chan may like your titties but he LOVES your ass. The way it jiggles when you walk, how it feels in his hands, the way it moves when he's fucking you from behind, LOVES it. He grabs each side of your ass and pulls them apart until he sees your cunt and lets go again. You feel the weight shifting on the bed and suddenly see his hand grabbing a few things from on top of your nightstand. As soon as a sudden cold drop of liquid hits your ass you realized what he grabbed.

You feel a cold metal tip proding at your asshole.

"Relax for me, okay baby" was the last thing Chan says before slowly pushing the plug in. You let out a little disgruntled moan at the feeling of the plug going in. You and Chan have done anal before, but the stretch always felt new no matter what.

"That's it girl you're doing great."

After a few more seconds the plug was fully in your ass. It was always a bit of a weird feeling, causing you to whimper and sway your hips back and forth a little bit.

"It's okay girl, I got you" He said, smoothing his hand over the curve of your ass and up the small of your back.

Chan flipped you back around so you were back to how you originally were moving up to give you a sweet kiss for being such a good girl.

He let his hands wander avoiding all the places you desperately wanted him to touch and eventually landing on the outside of your thigh. Chan pulled away from your kiss with a devilish smile and you chased for his mouth. He sat back a bit and what you didn't notice was in his hand was your vibrator. He turned it on to the lowest setting and held it directly against your clit.

"Oh fuck Chan" you moan biting the inside of your arm.

Chan moved the vibrator around in a small circle, never once leaving your clit.

"Oh fuck" you said more breathy signaling you were close.

Instantly he pulled it away causing you to whine.

"Ah ah ah," he said coming up to your face cupping it ever so sweetly.

"You said I can do whatever I want tonight, so that means no cumming until I say so."

You could have bursted into tears then and there. Chan knows you "hate" being edged but the outcome of it was so worth it to him. He usually only saves it for when you really piss him off, but he's taking advantage of "anything". (my boy has a thing for seeing your cry)

He went on to torture you for a half hour going through all the different setting on your vibrator. You basically had no mascara left on from the tears.

"Please Chan, pleaseeeee" you said tears flowing, frustrated to no end. Sadistic little Channie over here was having the time of his life. Your pussy and clit looked so puffy and red. He could tell it was so sore and begging for release. He touched the vibrator to your clit for the umpteenth time tonight. You were practically screaming at this point. You were so close for so long. You felt your release coming.

"Chan please, I'm so close, please let me cum, I've been so good, please, please, please" you were crying and begging to cum at this point.

"Ten, nine, eight-" he started

"NO CHAN PLEASE" you screamed

"seven, six, five, four, three, two-" he paused

"CHA-HA-HAN" you sounded so desperate and wrecked, practically sobbing, and he was enjoying every second. He looked at you with his most serious face all night.

"One." You screamed an incoherent babble of words, as your eyes rolled back and had the most intense orgasm of your life. It felt as if time didn't exist and you were floating on a cloud. Your ears were ringing and eyes were glazed over. If it wasn't for Chan calling your name you think you would have passed out.

"Y/n? Y/n? Y/n baby, you there?" He said half laughing. If your hands weren't tied and you weren't on the brink of passing out you would have slapped him.

"I'm starting to regret saying anything." You said hoarsely out of breath.

Chan laughed and gave you a quick peck on the cheek.

"Oh and by the way." He gave another quick peck

"You squirted"

"WHAT?!" You said astonished trying to sit up and then hurting yourself because you forgot your hands were still tied to the bed. Chan nearly died laughing while trying to undo your restraints.

"What the actual fuck dude, that's never happened. Why tonight? AND WHY ON MY GOOD SHEETS?!" Your mind was rambling as to how Chan drew that out of you and how you didn't notice. Meanwhile Chan had fallen over onto his side of the bed holding his stomach laughing.

"Oh yeah, laugh it up mister. This is gonna soak down into the memory foam AND mattress." You said half angry at him for finding this so hilarious.

"Come here you idiot" He said, grabbing your arm and hauling you down into a cuddle.

"Chan this is gross and sticky."

"Shhh just relax for a moment." He pulled you in so your head was resting on his chest. You lid there despite the gross feeling of the bed in each other's arms listening to his breathing and heartbeat.

"Chan"

"Yeah baby?"

"I'm still horny"

"Holy fuck woman"

Before Chan knew it you were on top of him.

"Do you have the stamina of a god or something?"

"No, but you are also still hard so I figured kill two birds with one stone." That was the last thing you said before kissing him. Different than all the others before. This one was filled with love and passion.

You picked yourself up and grabbed the base of his dick and guided it to your entrance. Both of you let out a moan in unison as you sank down on his dick. Chans hands naturally found your hips guiding you up and down his shaft. Of course he had to let his hands wander to you ass when he felt something hard.

"Baby wait" You stopped and looked at him confused.

"Lean forward for me a bit" You did as he said despite having no idea why.

He grabbed the base of the plug that both of you had forgotten and took it out.

"Fuck" you moaned at the now different sensation somehow feeling more of his dick than before.

You continued to ride him until your legs went sore.

"Baby I can't my legs hurt" in an instant you were on your back and Chan was plowing into you like no tomorrow. The room filled with the sounds of your headboard hitting the wall and moans.

"I'm close Chan" he grabbed your hands interlocking your fingers with his. You thought about the difference between him earlier and him now. He did a complete 180 and wanted to show how much he loved you now.

"I know baby hold on for a little longer" a few more thrusts and you were coming. You clenching down on him made him follow not long after, shooting his cum inside you. Chan collapsed down on top of you. Both of you exhausted and spent, trying to even out your breaths.

"Channie, I know you want to sleep but we still got a wet bed situation to deal with" Chan groaned and burying his face in your neck

"Yeah I know" Now you laughed knowing all he wanted was to fall asleep.

"How about you change the sheets and join me in the shower once you're done?" Chan perked up and jumped up out of bed suddenly having the energy of a five year old.

"Okay sounds good love!" He said already running away to the closet where you keep extra sheets.

All you could do was laugh to yourself. Needless to say your plan worked and he definitely wasn't stressed anymore.

The clip that made my mind go insane

[reigningqueenofwords]

Email

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 885 A/N: Basically I got an email from my mother that stressed me tf out. I drank half a bottle of wine and wrote this.

Read on AO3

Sitting at your computer, you couldn’t move. Your eyes read each line slowly. Hearing your kids running towards the room, you blinked and closed out of the browser. You turned, slapping a smile on your face. “Hey, guys. How do you feel about a sleepover at your Uncle’s house?” 

“Yaaaay!” Your youngest, Hannah, cheered. At 7, she was just like you remembered yourself being at that age. Fun, loving, bubbly, and hopeful. 

“Sweet. You think he’ll watch those cool train videos with me again?” Your oldest, Jake, asked. He was 11, and his passions were simple: trains, video games, computers, and random facts. 

Both your babies reminded you of yourself. But they were way more free than you. “I’m sure he’d love that.” You smiled, getting up. “Lemme go call him and see if he wants me to grab dinner on the way.” You kissed the top of each of their heads as you passed. 

Your younger brother had a much different relationship with your mother. You couldn’t fault him for loving her, or letting her be in his life. Thankfully, he also understood where you were coming from. He didn’t let her near them. 

Dean got home a little after 5, looking forward to the sounds of small feet running towards him. However, he was met with…silence? And then a blood curdling scream. Dropping his bag, he raced towards the sound. He was terrified that he’d come home to his family being murdered or something. Skidding to a stop, he willed his heart to stop racing when he saw you watching some horror movie. “Babe?” 

Looking over at him, he could tell you were beyond drunk. You were trashed. “Hiya, handsome!” You giggled, moving to get up, just to fall back on the couch. 

“Uh, babe? It’s 5 o’clock on a Thursday. Why are you plastered?” He asked gently, moving over to crouch in front of you. This wasn’t you. The only time you got this wasted was because something happened. “Okay, let me pause this.” He muttered as another scream met his ears. He’d watch those movies for you, but didn’t need them screaming as he tried to talk to you.

You let out a sigh. “My mom emailed me today.” You told him, going to take a sip of your drink. “Awe. Someone finished my drink.” You pouted. “I need another one.”

He furrowed his brows. “I thought you blocked her.” You’d blocked her on your phone, his phone, your email, and any social media account she had access to months ago. He’d backed you up knowing your past with her, and then with what the kids had said after their last visit with her.

“My brother asked me to check my email and read it. You know I’m a sucker for that kid.” It always amused him that you referred to your 6’ tall, 30 year old brother…as a kid. “So, I caved. I didn’t see anything in my inbox, so I checked my spam folder. There it was.” He rubbed your leg, letting you go at your own pace. “She said she’s in therapy, which good for her. She talked about her ex and how he could reel people in, how she knew she made the right choice by letting my Grandmother raise me, and how she couldn’t understand why she acted that way towards the kids.” Shaking your head, you teared up. “Not once did she take accountability for her actions towards me, but asked me to text her.” You were angry. “I told my brother I read it, and while I empathize with her about him? I’ve worked through it. I’m indifferent towards him. But I won’t be texting her or emailing her back.” It felt like she wasn’t sorry, she just wanted access to your kids. Or like she was ‘doing the work’ just to get some praise, not because she actually believed she needed to.

“Oh, babe.” He knew how difficult your relationship with her was. Moving to sit with you, he pulled you to his chest. No wonder you were wasted. “You’d been doing so well, too.” He rubbed your back. “And the kids have been doing well, too. Their attitudes did a complete 180 since they last saw her.” It wasn’t overnight, but the difference was night and day. “How about I make us some dinner and we put this out of our minds?” 

Nodding, you simply shifted to wrap an arm around him. “Nachos?” You asked softly. 

Dean chuckled. “Do you mean Doritos with shredded cheese melted on them, or actual nachos.” 

“That’s a silly question.” You teased gently, so thankful for him. “Doritos with shredded cheese, obviously.” That was your go-to when drinking. Sometimes you’d crave a burger, though. Once you’d sent him out for a Big Mac at 1am. 

“Coming right up, babe.” He kissed you softly. 

Your past wasn’t something he could protect you from, and he hated that. So he would do his best to help you through the dark moments while reminding you how much he loved you and that you were in a better home now. “How did I get so lucky?” You asked, cupping his cheek. 

“You smiled at me and I was done for.” For him it had been love at first sight. 

[thhouseofblack]

Do you have any headcanons of Penelope Clytemnestra and Helen growing up together? I would love to read more stories of these three sisters. I just adore I held her hand tighter!!

Also maybe of Penelope growing up as the youngest and most pampered child! Seriously though I bet she was an absolute menace and everyone just adores her too much and lets her get away with anything- her parents her brother's cousins...

thank you for reading!! it's one of my favourite fics that i've written tbh!

Penelope absolutely gets away with everything - moreso in her household than in Tyndareus', though that's because Tyndareus has 3 more daughters after Helen - but there's a age gap. I have Helen and Timandra have a 9 year difference, and after Timandra there are two more (Phoebe and Phylonoe).

but Clytemnestra-Helen-Penelope hcs!

Clytemnestra and Helen have a 7 year age difference (because I wanted the timeline to work with Iphigenia), and Clytemnestra is 10 years older than Penelope.

Penelope is the most extroverted of the three, and she's the one who is constantly dragging the other two into varying situations: Helen is very much willing but Clytemnestra is... not quite as much.

Penelope is a very unwilling accomplice in Helen's Menelaus shenanigans - she's the one who Helen forces to help her spy on Menelaus while he's oiled up and training, and she's the one who has to drag Helen away when she's all swooning and giggling over Menelaus (Penelope does not get the hype).

Helen doesn't speak to Penelope and Clytemnestra for a whole week once because Penelope compares Menelaus to plain bread and says she cannot fathom why Helen likes him, and Clytemnestra laughs so hard she falls to the ground.

Penelope's favourite joke to make when she is younger is about how after she has a child, she's going to kill her husband (she's still trying to play the "oh i don't like the idea of getting married" shtick). Clytemnestra takes out a bit from Penelope's jokes and uses it to take out her own husband years later <3

Helen is the first person to clock that Penelope likes Odysseus, and she puts on a whole scene of pretending to fall for Odysseus and think him charming and "deciding" that she's going to choose Odysseus as her groom to be, once the choice falls into her lap, in order to mess with Penelope and get under her skin - it works.

Clytemnestra, Helen and Penelope along with the other Spartan noblewomen their age tend to have little gatherings in the Grand Royal Baths of the Palace - singing, dancing and trading gossip amongst each other, alongside building friendships with each other. Helen and Penelope continue to hold them after Clytemnestra marries away, (and later Penelope by herself after Helen leaves with Menelaus to Mycenae) so that whenever she returns Clytemnestra can feel at home with her friends.

these are just some but i absolutely adore these three together - their relationship is so dear to me!

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

He has a face that seems drawn by hand, with visible wrinkles and marked features. It is a face that tells a story. Perhaps that’s why London actor Tobias Menzies, 51, usually plays tough guys, antiheroes, complicated men. Among some of his best-known roles are his sarcastic Duke of Edinburgh in The Crown, Brutus in Rome and the violent Jack Randall in Outlander; off-screen, there’s no trace of those characters. Although he maintains the actors’ instinctive suspicion of the press, Menzies is all about humility and politeness. Dressed in a floral shirt, he meets us in a café in his neighborhood on a rare sunny morning in the British capital.

“The weather is too good to go to the theater,” he says when asked if he has seen anything interesting lately. On days like this, he prefers to spend time swimming in the pools on Hampstead Heath near his home, a kind of wild urban park in north London.

The truth is that he is on a break, having just finished an intense season of filming in London and New York. And he has just released F1, in which he stars alongside Javier Bardem and Brad Pitt. Directed by Joseph Kosinski who did Top Gun: Maverick, the film has been shot on real circuits during Grand Prix intervals. “We filmed in the pits, the tracks and in restricted access areas such as the paddock, but we had a very small window and we had to move right away because the races were starting,” he explains.

As for working with Brad Pitt with so many people around, he explains, “We experienced real reactions over which we did not have much control,” he says with a smile that implies that there is a story behind it. “I didn’t know anything about F1 and everything that surrounds that circus seemed incredible to me, very strange. Obviously, there is a lot of money at stake. That atmosphere has a very particular energy, which this film tries to capture.”

In his 25-year-long career, Menzies has worked in television, film and theater, in major productions such as Casino Royale and Game of Thrones as well as in smaller projects such as a contemporary version of the Greek tragedy Antigone. But it was The Crown that pushed him into the limelight. The actor, who confesses to being anti-monarchy, has experienced a professional boost thanks to this portrait of the British royal family. “Doors have probably opened for me, but it hasn’t been exactly crazy either. What it amounts to is that I do fewer castings and have more job offers. I try not to think about it too much.”

The fact is that Menzies can still have a coffee in his neighborhood without anyone disturbing him. “When I do television, viewers see me while they are at home, with their laptop in bed, so they associate my face with their own lives. I think that’s why I am often asked if we know each other from work. I’d like to say, ‘See you on Monday!’ but I have to give a more boring answer and admit that I’m an actor. Then they get either embarrassed or angry.”

Menzies’ trajectory is curious given that he grew up without a TV. “At the age of six I was obsessed, I was practically an addict, and my mother decided to get rid of it. I don’t share the cultural references of the children’s programs of that era. Instead, I grew up climbing trees and riding bicycles.”

As a child he moved with his mother, a drama and literature teacher, from London to the county of Kent, where he and his brother lived a hippie childhood in the countryside, attending an alternative school. He also lived for a time in India with his mother, in the ashram of the sinister Osho Bhagwan Rajneesh – his mother was a fan.

A keen tennis player, he was not interested in being an actor until he left school. “I admired physical theatre groups like Complicité and I wanted to train at Jacques Lecoq’s mime school in Paris, but I couldn’t afford it. There was no money in my family. I got a scholarship for RADA and accepted it with the intention of creating my own company. But when I got there, I discovered that I enjoyed acting.” He is still preparing productions with friends: “Dance videos, installations... I’m always doing things,” he says.

Much has been written about Menzies’ face and how he uses it as a work tool. A clear example is the episode of The Crown in which his Duke of Edinburgh experiences an existential crisis while American astronauts set foot on the Moon for the first time. After seeing Armstrong, Collins and Aldrin, Menzies’ Duke of Edinburgh goes from contained emotion to disappointment in a subtle but devastating way. For that episode alone he deserved his Emmy. It is a sample of the level of acting that is common among British actors and which begs the question of why so many of them are so good.

As someone who knows Shakespeare well, has worked with Olivia Colman and Judi Dench and shared an apartment with Helena Bonham-Carter, Menzies may know the answer. “Well, Bardem is a brilliant actor, and he is Spanish,” he says. “I think the secret of a good performance is not to reveal everything, that there are things that stay inside. That’s how most people live and that builds a good drama. A character attracts you because you receive something, but not everything. Perhaps that reserve is something that comes more naturally to the British,” he says.

“On the other hand, there is the fact that you study in school and that the language is an advantage in the industry,” he adds. “You have to be realistic, look at it from a Marxist perspective, and follow the money trail. There are many European actors who do not speak English as their mother tongue and that limits their opportunities in American blockbusters.”

Despite his age, Menzies still has a promising future ahead of him. He has just returned from Budapest from filming the new production with Keanu Reeves by Ruben Östlund who made The Triangle of Sadness. “It’s another crazy movie. It’s been very exciting. It will premiere at Cannes next year. Apart from that, I’ll have to start looking for work here,” he says. He doesn’t seem too concerned.

Production: David Bradshaw

Makeup and hair: Chad Maxwell (A Frame)

Posted 16th July 2025

The filming that Tobias mentions in Budapest, is a Swedish film "Entertainment System is Down" by Ruben Östlund. It's a feature film about a long-haul flight where the entertainment system fails, forcing passengers to confront their boredom. The film is a Swedish-German-French co-production and stars Kirsten Dunst, Daniel Brühl, and Keanu Reeves.

#TobiasMenzies

[stubz]

late shift

Shuttle for Mars is departing now. Please keep hands, feet, tails, and other appendages clear of the yellow line.

‘Nice, finally get off work on time for once! Man is it empty, way less busy than the 5:45 one…

Are they sleeping? Please tell me they’re sleeping…’

“Snnrk…”

‘Oh good they are, oooh lots of empty seats next to them! Nice.’

The young human sits across the large figure and looks around.

‘Wonder why everyone else is sitting so far away from this guy? He’s not that much scarier than a Alteauh…OH! He’s an Orc! An actual Orc, oh this is so cool! Wait. Calm down, control yourself. Orc’s are people too, not some exotic animal in a zoo….he’s sooo cool looking tho!’

The human smiles and takes out their headphones and listens to some music and take in the view they see through the shuttle’s windows. From time to time they peek at the orc, can’t helping themselves from people-watching him.

Like what most humans imagined, he was huge. Easily more than 7 feet tall, with large calloused hands bigger than their head. He had large tusks but unlike the stereotypes he was well trimmed with well relatively kept hair. It would have neater had there not been dust in it. The orc wore dirty cloths and work boots. Beside them what looked like a tool box and bag.

‘Must be a construction worker or works in a trade’ they mused

‘Poor guy, he’s gotta be exhausted to sleep here. At least he gets to go home now.’

The shuttle shakes and with it so does the sleeping giant. Rocking side to side.

'That's not good.' They nervously slide off their headphones.

The turbulence increases until the sleeping orc leans too far and starts fall face first off his seat.

“OH SHIT!” Diving to their knees they manage to catch his head and shoulders.

“Mm?”

“You okay?” Damn he's heavy!

“Mmm…sorry.” Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he slowly got back into his seat, the turbulence now gone.

“No worries, I just didn’t want you to hit your head.”

“Heh, wouldn't be the first time I’ve done it.”

after rubbing his eyes a bit more and a crack of the neck he looks at them, brain finally working to some degree.

“…wait. You caught me?”

“Uh-huh”

“But you’re so small! Are you hurt?”

“You're not the first sleeping giant I’ve caught. I’m alright.”

“I am so sorry for that. I just finished working a 12 hour shift fixing the 1st and 3rd engine rooms and couldn’t help myself from dozing off.”

They whistle. “12 hours? No wonder you’re tired! If I were you I’d be in a coma.”

“Ah but surely you have a difficult job yourself. How else would you be able to catch me?”

“No, nothing like yours! I just work at a youngling centre.”

“The one on the ship?”

“That’s the one.”

“...YOUR ONE OF THE BRAVE WARRIORS WHO RISKED THEIR LIVES TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN??!”

“…you’ve heard of us?”

“Every orc and warrior worth their blade knows of your valiant deeds!! Tell me, what is your name??”

“Kim, uh and you are?”

“Fenrir. It is truly an honor to meet someone of your bravery and intelligence."

"Likewise! I've heard that the orc species are a true warrior race."

For the rest of the trip the two talked. Kim sharing how her and Max built such a safe room in the centre, which lead to the two realizing how similar each other's planets are.

"You have wind whirlpools as well? I thought they only existed on Bantor!"

"Well we call them hurricanes and tornadoes but yeah. Do you guys have hail?"

"Not where I grew up but nearby farther up they get a week or two of light hail showers during the fall. What about animals? Do you have reptiles bigger than an adult with large teeth and live in rivers? We call them darthrang."

"Oh we call them crocodiles!"

"Amazing! To think that your species live in a world much like mine!"

When the shuttle finally reached it's destination the two went their separate ways. A few days later they meet again, this time on the later shuttle. They sit and talk and create a routine of sorts where they became each others travelling companion for the trip to Mars.

One day however, Fenrir stopped coming. The human was saddened as she enjoyed his company but was soon surprised when seeing him at the centre.

"Kim! I've been transferred to stay on the ship so I won't be taking the shuttle to Mars anymore."

"Oh...well, as you know I only go home at the end of the week so maybe we can hang out now. Like eat lunch together or have a drink after work...or something like that!"

"Actually we'll be seeing each other everyday now. But if you don't get sick of me then yes, lets each lunch together."

"Great! But why will I be seeing you everyday?"

"Because after telling my family about you and the centre they've enrolled my nieces and nephews and younger siblings here...and I offered to drop them off and pick them up."

It was then that Kim noticed the dozen of orc children hiding behind Fenrir. The tallest and what looked the eldest of them stepped forward.

"Hello, I am Athea, uncle Fenrir said your one of the ones who saved the centre."

"Yes, my name is Kim. It's great to meet you AtheaaAA!" The orc girl pulled the human into a tight hug, lifting the adult woman off of her feet.

"Thank you for saving Nova." she mumbled into her chest.

'Ah, the Captain's daughter' Kim thought. "I was just doing what any teacher would do."

After a moment the human was put down and lead the children into the centre. The day went well. Fenrir's young family members were quickly won over by the humans, first with the saving of the centre, then with how they understood how wonderful their planet was rather than terrifying or deadly.

They were also greatly intrigued by how such a small species could survive in a planet that was thought to only be habitable to orcs.

"How can you carry us?" asked Thor, one of Fenrir's youngest brothers. "We're much bigger than a human child."

"Yeah but your not bigger than my cousins who are teenagers. Also just last month I had like 10 kids climbing on me. Two were tighalaxes."

"Your joking!"

...

"It that tumpon?!"

"Hm? We call it maafe, but it's also known as peanut stew, do you want some? It doesn't have any meat in it though."

"Guys Max has tumpon!! Can you tell Fenrir where we can buy the ingredients?"

"Of course. Finally I'll finish what gran gave me without having to gain 10 pounds."

And thus the first day ended on a high note! Now if only Kim could figure out why the children looked at her and nodded while talking to Fenrir...

So this based off of a post by @llamagoddessofficial about humans meeting actual space orcs. Sadly I can't find the actual post. but yeah, here u go, space orc and human meet cute

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

did every hero really follow endeavor's plan during the jail break? I've never watched bnha, but I always figured there were more heros then Japan knew what do with. Was endeavor really just that worried about how the fight again AFO would go? and did AFO have the league with him? or other prison escapees? Given eraserhead was so entrenched?

As a preliminary matter--yes, it was way more than AfO. The League basically did what they did during the USJ arc and subcontracted their violent attacks. They needed a big force to first get AfO and everyone else out of Tartarus, and then they made it very clear (via loudspeaker and also fucking tweet) that they would all be very peacefully retreating while all those criminally insane and violent motherfuckers went that other direction. Ball's in your court as to how you want to tackle it.

AfO was the biggest threat, by fucking far, but it was far from isolated to him. It was the entire League of Villains + Their Very Special Friends. It was the kind of force that would be required to make the entirety of Tartarus fall for the first time in history. So the heroes had plenty to keep them busy.

And as to whether Endeavor was that scared about the next fight with AfO... Yeah.

I think bnha does a good job at establishing that All Might and AfO just exist at entirely different levels than every other person alive. Their fight leveled a decent chunk of Kamino. And I think that's kind of power and devastation is hard to conceptualize as like, people in a world where we don't have to worry about superhero fights. (as a side note--Sukuna's Big Fight in the Shibuya arc from JJK did better than any other fight in media to really capture the sheer cosmic horror of being caught as a bystander in one of those fights).

But endeavor saw it. He was there for AfO’s and All Might’s last fight. The gods were fighting. Everyone else was just an ant.

He is facing the villain that ultimately took down All Might. All Might won Kamino, sure. But he didn't get up again after. He was permanently and irreversibly taken out of play. And Endeavor has spent the last year feeling like he was struggling to be even half of what All Might was with two hours of productivity a day. He was so consistently voted to not be able to compare to All Might that he bought a wife and had four kids about it, all of whom hate him actively.

He does not think he is winning this fight. He is Japan's number one hero. The responsibility is going to fall to Midoriya Izuku to him. He is the best they have left, and the fight that would be coming was one that already nearly killed All Might, the one guy he has never ever been able to compare to. And when he really looked himself in the mirror and asked if he could stop AfO, the answer was no.

And it wouldn't just be AfO if he came back to power. It would be his followers--and he was liable to get more than just the current League of Villains roster. It would mean more Nomus. They could barely handle one Nomu--how could they possibly handle the Nomus, and the LoV, and AfO?

And the answer that he came to was that they couldn't. Not without All Might.

He thought he was sacrificing Yokohama for every single other city AfO was going to level if he had time to grow in strength again. He thought that if they threw absolutely everything they had at him while he was weak, then maybe they could contain him and the League before entire cities fell.

So. That's why he came to that decision. Why did every hero fall into line?

So what’s key to what happened here was it was this complete structural breakdown at exactly the wrong time.

Structural Flaw #1: Transportation

Was it every hero in Japan that responded to Endeavor’s order? No. But not every hero in Japan was available. Any heroes out of the immediate area were too far away to do shit.

But it's a massive crisis. Heroes would commute from all over if they could--but it's not about desire, it's about time and resources. With how imminently emergent the threat was, a lot of far-away heroes would need something like a jet to even conceivably get there in time.

Who is sending the jet?

Let's pin down what heroes could, conceivably, get there in time. Very few heroes are in walking distance. How do heroes typically get from Point A to Point B?

Hero society in bnha is an agency model. There is no communal pool of resources--you have what your agency has. You have a jet to transport you if your agency has the money for one, and I’m pretty sure only all might had that (he has since had it dismantled and the parts repurposed for the sake of the environment. He only had it to begin with so he could quickly respond to imminent threats. All Might thinks there's more than one way to save the world and saving the environment is part of it). Like. We even saw Endeavor flying fucking commercial.

But let's just assume, arguendo, that some agencies have jets. It would have to be the very top agencies to possibly afford it.

All of whom are shown in canon to mostly operate out of the same area. So they're going to have to send the jet somewhere else to get more heroes. Now any travel time is doubled. If they do send it out, how many people are they realistically getting? Are these heroes in multiple different cities? That's more travel time then. Maybe we just land the plane in Kyoto and whoever gets on in the twenty minute period while they're refueling is who is coming back. We'll hand them parachutes and kick them out the plane door over Yokohama. Okay. Good plan. Go team.

Who is sending the jet?

Like, who is physically making the call to send the jet? Who do they call? Do they just start ringing around their buddies and seeing if they have other plans? The city is on fucking fire and we need people fighting now, so the big name heroes don't have time to organize transport with other agencies. They’re not even thinking of that right now. Make it a sidekick's job.

They are all on fucking strike.

Fuck it. Fine. Make it an admin's job. There has to be some kind of office staff who can work a telephone who's available.

Who is thinking to send the jet?

Admins are not making strategic calls about where the company jets go. There would have to be some kind of protocol in place or someone with the authority to send the jet would have to think of it in the moment. And I guarantee you this would not be the case.

Because this is a society where they have canonically semi-privatized public safety and put people in direct competition with each other over it.

ASIDE: The Economic Structure of Heroics and Why It Sucks

I have an economic structure. You must listen to it. I promise it is relevant. This is why it takes me forever to do things it's because i get too deep into the weeds and have to explain the fucking economic structures underpinning the analysis for my nonsense to make sense.

How the fuck do heroes get paid?

I have no idea if canon ever tells us because to be so for real with you guys I have not watched this show in years. I haven’t cared about canon since the Shie Hassaikai arc. The fucking YouTuber arc broke me. I literally never watched it again. If they ever explain to us how heroes get paid I do not know and I do not care. I refuse to go back to canon. Everything I found out about canon after the Shie Hassaikai arc, I learned against my will. The ending to this story was so fucking stupid and I only have a scattered knowledge of the details but I’m still right. If canon ever tries to explain it then please do not tell me, I refuse to learn more things about this show.

But I still like poking around the potential economic structures based on the part of canon that doesn’t cause me psychic damage. So here’s the thought process for the economic underpinnings of hero society in the pez universe.

From canon, we know it can be an enormously lucrative profession, we know that it involves some degree of private interests (re: merch lines), and we know that there are some people who cannot have merch lines (Underground Heroes, e.g. Eraserhead), so there also must be some kind of public funding aspect to it as well. So. Who the fuck signs your paycheck?

Sources of Funding

a. Public Funding

There must be some kind of official governmental budget for heroics. Like. They are very much a public service. There would be no way to have a fully private heroics force without government funding. What else are you supposed to do, fucking Venmo heroes after they save you? Do they put your kitten back in the tree if you don’t have enough.

In my mind, there's public funds allocated to heroes as part of a city's budget. That funding is allotted based on the number of employees in a given entity balanced against the confirmed acts of heroics of that same given entity. There’s a base salary level and that can be increased based on how successful you are, but salary isn’t exclusively what this fund is for. The heroic entity (an individual hero or an Agency) is effectively receiving grant money from the government to run their agency. You put it into salaries, gear, office space, everything. The government is basically investing in heroes, and it’s investing more in heroes who are shown to have a greater positive impact on society.

It involves overly complex calculations regarding the scaled difficulty of a given bust/rescue/act and ranking of the villain (if there is one) and the overall public benefit for the service rendered. You get bonuses for having a lower average property damage, for contributing to community building projects, that kind of thing. It is Complex. There is a lot of paperwork that has to be submitted to strange and vaguely threatening government accountants. When Mirio and Izuku start their agency, they will burst into tears multiple times trying to figure it out once filing season rolls around, bundle all the paperwork in a Massive Tears And Shame Package, mail it off to the shadowy powers at be, and then get a perfunctory notice that they are getting a ludicrous amount of the city budget allotted to their dinky little agency for the upcoming fiscal year because they are Big Fucking Heroes and enormously good at what they do and it reflects in their stats. They will then lay on the ground of their haunted fucking office and stare at the ceiling for a very long period of time.

But this puts the heroes in competition with each other. Your public funding is chained to your stats under this model. There's only so many criminals out there--you've got to get the right numbers or it cuts into how much of a slush fund the agency is working with.

It's sort of an insane model for a public servant position, but I think it matches with what canon shows us. Imagine having firefighters pitted against each other. like, having a competitive model for public safety raises extreme concerns about how it incentivizes public servants to act.

But this isn't canon's model. It's my guess as to how canon works based on the hints i can remember and my own mental illness. So why do I think canon suggests a model like this?

It's because 1) canon does establish that heroes are in competition with one another and 2) this kind of model would likely be necessary due to the level of autonomy that heroes have.

The literal first fight we see involves heroes in competition with each other. Kamui Woods is doing a big Ultimate Move, and Mount Lady rushes in and steals the show. Like. that is crazy behavior if we are looking at this through the lens of a typical public servant. Imagine you're trying to get directions from a park ranger and a different park ranger kick flips in with a map and a desperate need for you to get your directions from them instead. You call poison control and they’re beating each other in the head over who gets to tell you you’re dying.

Still, on its own, the competition isn’t dispositive, because the private income streams (we'll get there) would incentivize competition even if public funding wasn't based on it. But the level of autonomy that hero offices exhibit also suggest some kind of competition model.

Heroics agencies are not run like a typical police force or fire station. With most entities that function as first responders, they respond to some kind of centralized force (like 911 call centers) and they have highly regulated resource distribution. Like, police forces are restricted to a specific jurisdiction. Within that jurisdiction they have multiple districts and officers typically stay in their district. They're not going to a different fucking city because they think the crime is cooler there.

But Endeavor does exactly that. He's like "hello, son who hates me. Let's go to Hosu because I want to fuck with the hero killer for street cred. won't you come along. It is non-optional" and todoroki says "i hate you father and will abandon you on our father son trip to set a serial killer on fire with my mind. it will be for mildly gay reasons."

These agencies aren't a centralized public service. They are all just off doing their own thing. They're not responding to specific areas as allotted to them by the city--they just fuck off and do whatever. Like, there's probably some coordination between agencies as to who is covering what patrol, but it likely would be more out of courtesy than formal requirement. People wouldn't step on each other's toes nearly as much if there was more of a structure to this.

Typical public agencies who receive funding in accordance with staffing and budgetary needs have more structure and formality than is exhibited in canon. Heroics Agencies act like they're all independent contractors. They probably function like grant money recipients, where they're all fighting for the same pool of funds. You have to write in and show why you deserve that money when that's the case. They're in competition with each other.

Like, is this definitively the structure in canon? No, of course not. I have no fucking idea what, if anything, canon has going on. But it definitely fits with canon.

b. Private Income Streams

We know from canon that it can't just be public funding. Izuku alone probably paid for the Mighty Agency private jet with how much fucking all might merch he bought. Canonically, heroes have merchandise lines, branding deals, commercials, everything. All Might had fucking movies made about him. Those are all extremely lucrative income streams--and likely where the richest heroes get the biggest brunt of their income.

In order to get this kind of income, you are necessarily in competition with your fellow hero.

Public attention, spending money, screen time, all of it--it's a limited resource. You have to be the person who gets to the fight first, who does the big move, who saves the day. If it's someone else? Then that's another kid buying their action figure instead of yours. Heroics is heavily commoditized in canon, and that inherently invites competition.

2. Distribution of Funds

So now that we have a theory as to where the money comes from, how does it get paid out? Based on canon, it comes down to a structure of (a) Independent/Underground Heroes and (b) Agencies.

a. Independent/Underground Heroes

I can't actually remember if the word "independent" is said in canon or if I came up with it, but I think canon implies its existence. It's basically the same thing as being an underground hero, but you're still a Spotlight hero. I also cannot remember if the underground/spotlight thing is canon or fanon or what I’m sorry I haven’t watched this show in years.

Independents are spotlight heroes without the backing of an agency. They just go out every day with the clothes on their back and a dream. They have no support staff, no back up, and no one to help them if things go sideways.

It is not a popular employment option.

Part of it is because it's that much harder to fund being an independent. Like. Say you're just out of high school and you decide to strike out on your own as independent. You're still spotlight, so you can have a merchandise line, and that'd be a nice income stream while you're just starting out.

How the fuck do you start your own t-shirt line?

How do you make contracts with the manufacturers? How do you make and copyright the design? how do you sell the stupid things? Do you try and get them in Walmart? Do you start an Etsy? Your own website? do you call your mom and cry when you have 500 ugly t-shirts with your face on them that no one wants to buy and they're taking up all the space in your studio apartment.

Agencies have preexisting structures in place to help launch these kinds of options, which is one of the reasons why they're so attractive for baby heroes just starting out. The only reason why Mirio has merchandise is because he decided that he didn't care and didn't need to make merch and Izuku came after him with feverish crack addict energy because he cared and he needed Lemillion merch like. yesterday. All Might ended up getting his agency to start a lemillion line. Mirio gets the profits with a reasonable fee to the Mighty Agency. To this day he suspects that Izuku is 70% of his sales but Izuku denies this fervently, like a liar (he actually has a small but very devoted fanbase who rabidly support him and buy all of his merch. he would cry if he knew this. Still. Izuku is his biggest fan and buys literally every single piece of new merch in triplicate.).

Underground heroes are in the same boat as independents but they don't even have the option of a merch line. They exclusively get public funding unless they're backed by an agency, which none of them are because agencies have a tendency to fuck them and their busts for the sake of the spotlight. All underground heroes are bitter and culturally opposed to agencies.

On that note:

b. Agencies.

This is where by far the most heroes would end up. But an agency is like thirty dudes with the same joint bank account. How does the money get there and get distributed out?

i. Public Funding in an Agency Context

Take the above model. How do you attribute public funds based on personal statistics if there's no single person? Does everyone get their own check? But that wouldn't make sense--this isn't just for salaries, it's for funding the actual heroics itself.

Everyone under the same agency would be counted together for the purposes of funding allotment. If Sidekick A managed 300 busts last year and Sidekick B man managed 350 busts, then congratulations, The Big Hero Hero Agency made 650 busts last year, here's a check made out to the agency, figure out what you want to do with it.

But what about incidents that involve multiple heroes from the same agency? Let's say that The Big Hero Hero Agency is involved in a big bust. It is Sidekick A's baby. They have spent months doing this. This has been blood, sweat, and tears. When the day comes, they are joined by Sidekick B, Sidekick C, and Big Hero himself. Sidekick B has been helping Sidekick A for the past three weeks on this case. Sidekick C got called in the day-of to help.

Big Hero showed up for the last twenty minutes of the fight when they were mostly done with everything.

So. You're filling out the post-arrest paperwork. For funding and for public statistics, you need to make sure to properly account for who gets credit for the bust. It has to be one person--if you had everyone individually credit themselves for the bust, then it looks like you've resolved four incidents instead of one under this financial model. it's artificially inflating your numbers for public funding. that's fraud. Who should get the credit: Sidekick A, Sidekick B, Sidekick C, or Big Hero?

Well, there's nothing stopping Big Hero from writing their own name. So let's go with Big Hero. He helped.

This was one of the big sources of the sidekick strikes: a lot of agencies had an absolute policy of attributing successes to the name hero if they touched the case at all, because there was no rule against it. It was better for the agency, after all--unrealistically high numbers on the biggest name meant the agency as a whole appeared more successful.

So there were a lot of heroes artificially inflating their stats with things that were more properly credited to their sidekicks. Which made it all the harder for sidekicks to leave because their stats were shit because their boss was taking credit for their work.

ii. Private Funding in an Agency Context

But that’s just public funding. How would agencies distribute private income streams?

Big Hero Agency is proud to announce its newest line of Big Hero Action Figures, featuring the Entire Big Hero Team, now retailing for $39.99. Get it now from a store near you.

So. An agency is selling an action figure line featuring Sidekicks A, B, and C, as well as Big Hero himself. We’ll round up to an even $40. How do we split up the cash?

You can’t give everyone each $10. You have to first pay the suppliers, the advertisers, the trucks that shipped the toys to the store, etc. Then you have to pay back into the agency to fund miscellaneous expenses—the stationary, the insurance, the coffee in the fucking break room. Everything. By the end, there’s only $4 of profit left over. Not great, but hey—they’re selling a lot of toys. So if they each get a $1, then it should add up quick.

Right. But. If you think about it, people are only really buying it for Big Hero. He’s the best hero of all of them—his name is on the agency, and just look at how much higher his stats are. So it’s only fair that he gets $3.70 a toy and the rest of them can get $.10 apiece. Don’t worry, it’ll add up quick.

Not all agencies would have been like this. But a lot of them would be. Money is a hell if an incentive to screw people.

END OF ASIDE.

With all that in mind—why would they feasibly have a structure to fly in help from other heroes far away? That’s their fucking competition. Sure, we have team ups, but they’re all either well in advance or in the heat of a moment. If they are in the heat of a moment, half the time the heroes resent it because they just stole their fight. They’re gonna what—pay the exorbitant jet fees to fly in someone who’s just going to steal their hard work in the eyes of the public?

Okay, but what about situations like this? Massive emergencies where you need more people?

Those haven’t ever happened before. They had All Might.

So. The heroes on the ground calling in help are out. What about the heroes who are close enough to make it there by ground transport? No one calls them, they just show up out of public need. How are they getting there?

Trains are out. All the trains into the area are shut the fuck down. We are not giving the freshly escaped villains a bullet train to the rest of the country. Same thing for buses. No fucking bus driver is making their regular route into a fucking battleground.

Private transportation it is. Anything more than a few hours out of the area is completely out of the question. Like, good ol’ Manuel from Hosu City and all his buddies? Not making it. The wild wild pussycats? Watched this on TV from their mountain home. Gran Torino? On FaceTime with All Might, who is watching the fight with Midoriya Inko’s hand gripped in his left and Bakugou Mitsuki’s hand gripped in his right. Gang Orca? Twelve hours away and on a fucking island so he needs a boat AND a car to get there. Or he just fucking swims.

But there has to be at least some hero that saw this happening and heroically climbed in their Mazda sedan to make the three hour car trip. Why didn’t they go to the fight in Yokohama instead of the one against AfO?

Frankly at that point those literal children were visibly doing way better than the actual heroes were faring and any heroes showing up went where they were most needed and uh. It wasn’t by the kids.

If we have the agency model as given to us by canon, then that means there is a decentralization of resources. If you want to utilize your public defense force in the case of emergencies, then you need a way to fucking get them to the emergency. Canon does not have that. This is a huge structural failing that only wasn’t a disaster sooner because most emergencies required one guy and he had his own private jet. So most heroes in the country never had to even consider if they would listen to Endeavor’s order because they were completely cut off and useless at the time.

So. Now the analysis has been narrowed from all of Japan’s heroes to just the ones in the immediate vicinity of the fight. That’s still a fuck ton of heroes. This is a heavily populated area with a bunch of heroes around. You can’t go outside without tripping over a hero.

Most of those guys were on fucking strike.

Structural Flaw #2: Over-Reliance on and Abuse of Sidekicks.

The vast majority of the workforce had to be sidekicks. Like, just from a business model perspective. Even the smallest agencies we saw had 2-3 sidekicks. Endeavor’s agency had at least double digits, and I think Idaten was at over a hundred or something. We were probably looking at, conservatively, a 1:10 ratio of heroes to sidekicks.

All those guys are on strike.

Okay. But not all of them, right? Idaten already settled and got their sidekicks back. That’s like a hundred guys.

Except the Strike was not isolated to the Tokyo/Mustufasa/Yokohama area. Idaten sent out a lot of their sidekicks to other regions to help alleviate some of the strains of the strike. (As a note, this was not the Idaten sidekicks crossing the picket line. Them picking up the slack for other sidekicks still striking would have helped minimize effects on the public. However, the agencies of the striking sidekicks would have reaped no benefit from this under the compensation structure outlined above. Idaten would have gotten the credit for everything their sidekicks did, so the other agencies would still be bleeding from this while risk to the public was slightly alleviated. Idaten’s entire function in this strike was to set an example for quick settlement and minimize public harm. There’s this entire sub-analysis on Idaten’s internal culture and how it intersects with broader heroics standards that I won’t get into now this is already way too long.)

Idaten is at 1/10 capacity. It has like, ten guys, all of whom have been working say, thirteen hour shifts (voluntarily—again, it was a decision made to try and minimize the public safety risks of the strike while still allowing their colleagues their best chance at improved conditions) daily for the past month.

All of those ten guys responded to Tartarus before Endeavor made the call.

To understand the exact nature of the breakdown, you really have to see the chaos of how exactly this unfolded.

The LoV and their merry band of criminals hit Tartarus. The heroes do not realize at this time that they intend to let everyone out, give them transportation, and point them straight towards the mainland. They think that they’re just there for AfO. That’s still a huge crisis that needs to be shut down immediately, so they call out all of their best. Endeavor responds. Hawks responds. Eraserhead responds. Mt. Lady, Kamui Woods, Miruko—everyone in the vicinity who could conceivably respond show up. For a second, it looks like it’s going to end here.

Once the LoV get AfO out of his cell, the entire tide of the battle turns against the heroes. Now everyone’s out. All of those horrible, terrible villains. Tartarus has fallen. They have to make hard decisions. The high ranking, very powerful heroes who are most likely to break the line on Endeavor’s decision? They’re already at the fight by the time he has to make it. It is chaos and something they cannot easily leave.

The LoV’s picked right now because they knew that the heroes were operating at less than a tenth of their regular capacity. They picked right now because they knew the system had structural faults, and if they hit them just right, it would all come down on the heroes’ heads.

But the sidekicks broke strike lines to respond, right? Why do they all go to endeavor’s side?

For one thing, it wasn’t all of them who showed up—maybe a third of them were not even in the area any more. It wasn’t malicious, or intentional, or anything like that—they were off visiting their families for the first time in a long time or taking vacation. All of them had spent the past few years being completely overworked and abused by their jobs. They just weren’t there.

So now we’re down to 2/3rds of them who can even try to show up.

A lot of it wasn’t actually made as a reasoned choice. For many of them, they ended up where they did because of all the chaos.

So you’re a sidekick. You’re on strike. The entire world has gone to shit. How do you normally find out about the world going to shit?

This is a competition model streamed through individual entities. There’s no central command structure. Your agency calls you.

Well, your agency either fucking fired you or they cut you off completely during strike negotiations. This time, you find out through the news when the story breaks. Now what?

You frantically try to get in touch with your (ex) agency. Who is picking up the phones?

No one. That was your fucking job before you went on strike.

I used to work at a government public-service type deal, and let me tell you, they abuse the fuck out of non-unionized workers. You are doing everyone’s job. No one ask why we don’t get more support staff because they have unions. Like. I had a law degree. I was hired to be a lawyer in that office. They had us all doing the jobs of four people, and by that I mean it would be the literal entire job description of another fucking position in that office and we were all expected to just do it too.

Unions incentivize treating workers right. The absence of them opens the door to the opposite.

Why the fuck would agencies hire more people to lighten the load on the sidekicks and let them focus on actual heroics? Just make the sidekicks do everything. What are they going do, complain? They’re a dime a dozen. Hire more of those fresh faced kids with no standards just out of school.

You know when you had a job where you’re like. This fucking place is going to fall apart without me. But they treat you as disposable and easily replaceable and you’re like “okay bet” and so you leave and you find out from the people left behind that it actually fucking fell apart without you and you’re just like :o

Yeah. So that happened.

There has been a massive break down in the function of heroics offices for the past month and change because the sidekicks were not there. They were the ones who actually did most of the day to day handling of the office. They were the ones coordinating transport and figuring out the actual mechanics of who would be deployed where in a crisis. All those things that would be super helpful now? Yeah, those guys aren’t there, and they’re locked out of the fucking offices and can’t get in to un-strike for the sake of societal crisis.

But they know where the fight is. It’s on the news. Why don’t they just show up?

Where’s their gear?

Who owns it?

Heroics support gear must be an enormously expensive thing. It would have to be provided by the agency itself. Literally the only reason why Mirio has gear is because 1) all might would NEVER let his pseudo step son run around without proper support so the man would have bankrolled it himself if needs must and 2) the UA support class has a stipend each year where they can make support gear for active heroes and those heroes get it for free in exchange for free advertising for the students trying to kick start their careers, so he is decked out in THE most experimental bullshit from Hatsume Mei Industries (I have this entire side plot where the support class this class year low key became a sort of religious cult haha not really it’s just a joke it’s not really a joke and power loader is afraid every single day when he comes to work he is afraid under the iron clad rule of Hatsume Mei’s weird girl energy and they all decided Mirio was the Tabula Rasa, a figure of prophecy, and I just cannot get into that right now it’s too long it’s too long already. But it’s so fun).

All those sidekicks on strike lost valuable time trying to get back into their agencies so they weren’t showing up to an S-class villain fight in their fucking jammies. Then, when some poor admins figured out what was going on and let some of them in, everyone was frantically gearing up and getting in whatever transport van they were pointed at. Some of them didn’t know they werent reporting to Yokohama until they were already at the other fight. There’s was so much chaos and confusion that very few people had a clear idea of what was happening.

With the sidekicks, some of them never made it, some of them just got in a van and went wherever it took them, and some of them chose to obey Endeavor’s orders. Some agreed with the decision. Some disagreed but deferred to his experience. With how the Sidekick Strike had left their infrastructure, very few sidekicks were able to respond fast enough to make any real difference.

Now for the last possible demographic: the heroes that weren’t on strike and weren’t initially deployed to the Tartarus Prison Break. Why didn’t any of them go to Yokohama?

Structural Flaw #3: All Might was that one kid doing the entire group project for like forty years and some of these people are having to be heroes for the very first time and realizing that they don’t actually want to risk their lives to save people they just sort of liked the idea of this job.

It may be a bit too specific to be a structural flaw but I’m counting it anyway.

So, just to give a bit of a recap: We consider every hero alive in Japan as a candidate for Endeavor’s order. The vast majority of them are too far away to do shit, and there’s no centralized transport network to get them there faster. Toss in those who are dealing with personal medical issues or are away on vacation or just can’t come for some reason or another, and you’ve lost most of the heroes in Japan as respondents. Probably ~80% of potential heroes are culled from this alone.

So we have, generously, 20% of Japan’s heroes left as potential people to respond. ~90% of those are sidekicks on strike. They’ve got hours before they make it to any fight, because of the aforementioned structural breakdowns.

Now we’re down to 2% of Japan’s total heroes.

Some of that 2% were first responders to the initial Tartarus prison break. All the big name heroes in the area. But there can’t be that many top heroes—so let’s say 0.2% of them were at the initial fight.

Now we only have the remaining 1.8% of heroes to analyze.

There have to be a percentage of those who agreed with Endeavor’s call as a tactical decision. If they show up to any fight, they’re going to be obeying his order.

So we only have the ones who disagreed with his call left to look at.

These are small-time heroes. All of the big names are already at the fight. So they are less likely to have flashy Quirks, be especially talented, or consider themselves to have an especially large effect in the grand scheme of things. They have likely spent their entire careers living in a world with All Might.

It has never actually been down to them.

Think of Uwabami. Momo did her work study with her.

Her hero outfit is a fucking evening gown. She spent the entire work study doing commercials and meeting with her fans. She explicitly invited the young heroes that she did because she thought they were cute enough to be in commercials with her.

Now, she’s had some good if minor moments helping rescue civilians. It’s not that she’s never saved anyone.

But all of the top heroes are already committed to the fight against AfO. The current Number One Hero just ordered all her colleagues to report there. And Yokohama has a lot of S-Class villains en route.

And what the fuck is she going to do to stop them? It’s just her. Half of those villains took All Might to stop the first time. She is not fucking all might.

Is this a hero likely to go to Yokohama completely on her own to fight *checks notes* literally the entire prison population minus one guy? The worst guy, albeit. But one guy.

These are all heroes who have never had to be the actual thing standing between society and destruction. There has always been someone more powerful or capable or heroic nearby. Until recently, there has always been all might.

This isn’t to malign them. A decent percentage of them are legitimately well meaning about being a hero. They do good. But when it came to the big, blowout fights, they have always, always, always been the heroes evacuating civilians in the background or performing rescue in the aftermath. It has never been them who had to stand up and do the fight itself.

Every single one of those villains represent a big, blowout fight. And this hero trying to decide if he’s going to obey Endeavor’s order? They are one guy. And they’re not sure if they could even beat one of those villains alone, let alone all.

The reason why no one disobeyed Endeavor’s order was because, frankly, at the end of the day, they did not want to die.

Endeavor’s order signaled to everyone that there was no guarantee anyone would show up to Yokohama. It actually put good odds to the opposite. If you decided “fuck that, I’m going to Yokohama” then you’d likely be doing it alone.

What Class 2-A did was considered a death sentence. People who didn’t know them and their bullshit were shocked that they all made it out alive. These were the worst villains their society had ever faced and it was all of them at once (minus that one guy).

The heroes who were in a position to disobey endeavor didn’t actually think it’d make a difference if they did. They’d just… lose.

Most if not all of these heroes made the decision to become heroes during all mights era of peace. Everything just had lower stakes. Crime was less frequent and less serious. The big fights always had someone there who could handle them, because All Might was there. They’d fight the odd mugger or purse snatcher and help put out fires and go home at the end of the night. They’re heroes. That doesn’t mean they’ve ever truly had to grapple with a life or death fight.

If they went to Yokohoma, they thought they’d die. So they might as well respond to a fight that has a chance. Even if they feel ashamed as they do it. Even if they think Endeavor made the wrong call and wanted to go to Yokohama instead. All Might wasn’t there anymore. And they were afraid.

But there is one thing that Class 2-A had going for them that gave them an advantage over these heroes. And that was the fact that they are all medically insane.

It’s that they were together.

It’s a decentralized heroics structure. If you have a large agency, you are necessarily a top hero because no one else would be able to get that many people to agree to work under them. So you’re already at Tartarus and this isn’t a decision you had to make.

Maybe you’re independent. Maybe you have a small agency with 2-3 people. There is no preexisting centralized line that you can use to try and gather more people to go to Yokohama with you. You’re stuck with your immediate colleagues and maybe a few other heroes you’re close enough with to have their number. You really don’t have time to try and ask around to see if anyone else wants to go to Yokohama instead—you need to pick a battle and get there yesterday.

What good is 2-3 people going to do in Yokohama? You’ll just get massacred and it won’t have made a difference. At least if you go to stop AfO, you’ll have a chance at doing something that mattered.

Maybe you disagree with Endeavor but you defer to his training and experience.

Maybe you don’t go at any fight at all. Maybe you’re afraid. Maybe you became a hero in a time where you had a symbol of peace, and you realize you can’t keep doing it in a time without one.

I think there’s a small subsection of heroes that quit in the aftermath of Yokohama. Because they wanted to disobey endeavor’s order, and they thought they’d just die and it wouldn’t matter, and then dawn came and a bunch of school kids had managed what they were too big of a coward to do. I think the fact that they fell into line when their hearts told them they shouldn’t made them seriously doubt whether they were good enough to be a hero.

But they were alone when Endeavor made the call. And it felt like certain death. And—yeah, it sort of felt that way to Class 2-A when they made the decision to respond. But they weren’t alone when they did it.

They were together. And they always felt braver when they were together. Together, they could make miracles happen.

[july-19th-club]

one thing about being in too much pain to uphold social niceties (period and it's a bad one) is that i did spend all day at work not only doubled over and moving at a pace the ninety year old library ladies were lapping but i was even worse than usual at tasks like Looking At People Who Are Chewing Gum and "not edging away bugeyed when a coworker stands close next to me" and of course the perennial favorite "keeping track of more than three words spoken to me in a row and responding to that" and we'll let me merely say. it is just me and that murderbot. nobody else in this whole damn library understands

[arathejedi394]

i cracked this morning and read the first like 200 words of my og novel that i wrote when i was 13/self-published at 14

and like

why did hank green post it on his instagram with praise?? like i think of it and i cringe. today i re-read the first 200 words and i wanted to stop existing?? why did my mom give him a copy of it i did not ask her to do that??? i just went to one of his concerts in 2014 and my mom just gave the book to somebody and for some reason that somebody gave it to hank green and then suddenly im in the crowd 15yo new best friend bc nerdfighteria and hank green is like "oh somebody gave one of the guys this book just before the show and i took a look at it and i kinda like it it's pretty good" and up he holds none other than my og novel he goes "a 14yo wrote this and it's pretty good this affirms my faith in humanity or something like a very young not-adult did this whole novel and it's not bad that's cool" idk what he said it was 10 years ago. and there's me in the crowd freaking the fuck out i say to my new bff who i had just met at the beginning of the concert bc we were standing next to each other like "BRO THAT'S MY BOOK" new bff is like "BRO THAT'S YOUR BOOK???" and starts jumping up and down for attention like "YO THAT'S THIS GUY'S BOOK" hank green hears points at me and goes "HEY HE'S RIGHT THERE YOUR BOOK'S PRETTY COOL KID" AND THEN!!! HE FUCKING PUT IT ON HIS INSTA??? AND PRAISED IT??? THE STICKY NOTE MY MOM LEFT ON IT WITH LIKE 10 WORDS OF SYNOPSIS STILL ON THE COVER??? ALL OF HIS INSTA FOLLOWER'S SAW MY MOM'S HANDWRITING??? AND MY WHOLE ASS INITIALS + LAST NAME??? A COMPLIMENTARY REVIEW BY HANK GREEN HIMSELF??? WHY?? WHY WAS MY 15 MINUTES OF FAME THAT CRINGE ASS Y/A NOVEL???

nobody go looking back at hank green's 2015 insta. do not confirm this is true. let this be a totally unverifiable claim of some rando fandom blogger.

listen. i was 13 when i wrote that book. i was so full of brand new baby teen angst. i do not understand why hank green did not open the book flip through a couple pages go "oof this kid needs a therapist and a writing coach" and never mention it again. i do not understand why he mentioned it on stage, i don't know why he put it on his instagram, it was so bad. ohmygod. i wish i could forget it ever happened

eXCEPT I CAN'T

bc iT wAs SuPpOsEd TO BE A TRIOLOGY. aNd I ONLY WROTE ONE. AND MY PARENTS ARE STILL ASKING ME WHEN BOOK TWO IS COMING.

IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS.

[ismyteadoneyet]

bro getting myself an audhd assessment for the sole reason of making the rest of my family realize that THE HAVE IT THEMSELVES is getting more and more tempting by the fkn day I SWEAR TO GOD

[seventh-district]

.

[violasmirabiles]

shaved the sides of my head for the first time since september and i cant stop scritching it it feels so goood

[keeps-ache]

been telling my siblings 'you would NOT make it in vulcan academy' when they do smth goofy recently and nobody's been able to refute lol