#but i could only get it on a google doc
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i made more really bad utm memes 🐻
#i know the quality on noheart one is ass#but i could only get it on a google doc#my edit#my text#care bears#care bears unlock the magic#bluster#bluster utm#no heart#bedtime bear#robbie#robbie utm#dibble
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I... have a confession to make, of sorts. There won't ever be a good time to admit this, unfortunately, so it's best I get this off my chest now, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
It has not been easy speaking with all of the flashclones who have made themselves known in the wake of Union's latest raids; both for myself, and the squadron at large. I must commend my squadmates for handling themselves with the utmost professionalism - while my own correspondences with these newest members of the Omninet have been what I would consider adequately polite, I've been biting my tongue the entire time, and I fear that my personal discomfort with the issue is starting to slip through the cracks.
To this end, I wish to share my thoughts publicly, that I might better express my own emotions towards this complicated, frustrating, and highly nuanced issue. I only ask that you hear me out in full before you render judgement, and pronounce your sentence carefully.
First: an observation.
MSMC policy requires that all pilots dictate an end-of-life plan at the time of their recruitment, that their final wishes may be carried out by the company in the event of their death under MSMC's employ. The options provided for this are effectively unlimited, allowing the pilot a great deal of choice and freedom in planning their postmortem arrangements. These plans may also be altered in the future should circumstances change, provided the pilot is of sound body and mind.
Under MSMC policy, in compliance with the policies set forth by Union, one of the available postmortem options is flashcloning.
In my fifteen-odd years serving under MSMC, I have only heard of three pilots who have willingly chosen to be flashcloned after death (thus prolonging not only their life, but their term of service under MSMC as well). Of these, I have only personally met one, affiliated with MSMC-808 "5Q8R3 L00P3RZ" - I believe their current iteration goes by callsign Lemniscate. While I do not know how many times they have been cloned during their term of service, their current iteration seems happy enough, and their squadmates reassure me that they've maintained a consistent identity (plus or minus the odd quirk, as is typical of flashclones) throughout their life (lives?).
Second: a digression.
I purchased my Dusk Wing, And The Voice of Apollo Spoke From On High (Apollo for short), from an SSC showroom on a planet whose name I no longer recall. The curated atmosphere called to mind the high marble pillars and lush green-blue waters of some distant Cradle mythology where gods roamed the earth and mortals strove to emulate them, punished and rewarded for their folly in equal measure with gifts and curses beyond name. Each frame was posed as the statues of old on Cradle, too-human limbs arrayed in too-human poses, each a machine of war turned living art piece.
Apollo, true to its future name, was arrayed in flight; hover-jets draped with sunlight-yellow gossamer, veil rifle aimed in its middle tier of manipulators with the same care and precision as an archer would take with their bow. To see it lowered to the floor after its purchase was to see Icarus fall; to climb inside its cockpit for the first time, to don wax-and-feather wings of my own and fly.
The old tales caution that divinity has a cost, and I too paid the price. A vial of blood, drawn with silver needle and spirited away into an unseen cooler before my pen ever touched paper. Apollo was mine, but SSC had received a far greater gift in its place: a sample of my DNA, unwillingly donated as the price for my divine armament.
Even now, this price weighs heavy on my head like the sword which hung above Damocles, poised to drop without a moment's notice with each new Union raid on yet another forgotten cloning facility. Who can say on what distant planet the children I did not birth sleep in stasis - children with my eyes, my hair, my nose, my smile; sons and daughters who will never be called as such because, to their creators, they are slaves, weapons, property - anything but human.
Third: an explanation.
I believe that flashcloning, in its current state as of 5016u, as approved by Union's Third Committee (and exploited by the likes of SSC, HA, and several countless others across the stars) is an inherently unethical practice; both for those who donate their DNA (willingly or otherwise), as well as for those persons produced by it.
To see countless lives created, manipulated, slaughtered, and recycled in the name of so-called "progress"; to see inherently human beings stripped of every vestige of humanity but the body in which they reside and then forcibly brainwashed and molded into soldiers, medics, mechanics, weapons, machines, slaves, property - it is an abominable and inhumane practice that should have died a slow and painful death in the darkness from whence it was birthed.
This being said: I cannot stand idly by as the products of this inhumane practice continue to suffer. No matter whether it is beneath the apathetic gaze of Union, the dehumanizing bootheel of HA, or the eugenicist scalpel of SSC, I will not allow my fellow persons to endure another day of abuse at the hands of those who would abandon their own creations as little more than imperfect failures for daring to remind their creators of their sentience.
Alone, I can do nothing. I too am but a cog in this great uncaring machine humanity has built, one which prospers on suffering and bloodshed and the work of hands which have forgotten the body to which they are attached. Even if I were to risk life and limb and reputation to make my position known, it is a battle which lies dead in the water - it is impossible to halt the wheels of progress without irreparably damaging the future which relies on their turning.
And so I fight. I fight for those who have forgotten their humanity, both willingly and unwillingly, that they might find something of their own - identity, purpose, desires, connection, life - that reminds them of what they were and are and always have been: human.
-- Angel
#lancer rpg#lancer ttrpg#lancerrpg#// my squadmates do not know I am posting this - I could never hope to even begin to explain myself to them#// I only hope that when this post is inevitably discovered it will be forgiven; just as I have forgiven theirs in the past#OOC: jokes on all of you - you get a big fat lore(?) post as well as art this time around#holy shit this was so much fun to write - P has some COMPLEX feelings on this particular issue and do I ever enjoy writing ethical dilemmas#marrying “maybe nobody deserves to suffer actually” and “holy fuck flashcloning is unethical as sin” was a fun mental exercise#can you tell I'm an old hand in the SCP fandom? because this basically felt like writing a piece for the Ethics Committee#(not that I've ever published anything on the SCP wiki - that shit stays firmly in my Google Docs and the Discord messages of my friends)#I'm looking forward to seeing the feedback to this one; both in and out of character - I suspect this one's gonna be controversial#(also - addressing the elephant in the room: Phoenix is older than I draw her; both she and Slipshod have been with MSMC for about 15 years#(as has been stated in prior tales Kennedi has only been here for 12 years - she may be less experienced but she sure knows how to lead)
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ok horror didn't go through all the different hundreds and thousands of resets that dust (and killer) went through sure but like. he went through something id consider pretty similar???? because through 7 years there HAD to have been a plethora of humans falling down into horrortale like we can see the countless amount of people that died there in toriel's home or in blue snow or in grillby's or even just that first human that aliza hides behind when she first enters snowdin!!!!!!!
and (i dont really know where this rant is going i will not lie 💀) horror (the prick he is) has to see all these humans he has to meet them and introduce him to all of them and at what point does it just turn into routine for him?? they all just blend into one skin colored bipedal figure and the only important part of them are their insides (which i could go on and on about how gross that probably is 🙁🙁) and how them eventually all fall to their deaths
everyone in horrortale is far too gone to particularly care anyways if aliza wasn't so smart and lucky (plot armor SMH) nobody except horror and paps would probably remember her name. and horror would only remember to add a name to the list of "spices" that are in papyrus's spaghetti and then forget it all again. it's all just an endless cycle of human falls down and eventually dies. nobody in horrortale cares enough (if the human doesnt make some sort of big event happen like how aliza stood up to undyne (i doubt snowdin monsters gaf about her b4 that aside from eating her)) and in the end theyll just turn into food again and then the cycle repeats. its kinda like a reverse dusttale (❓❓❓) where instead of the monsters dying over and over to the human's hands it's humans dying over and over to horror's hands
and now that i've established that 🤓👆 time to tie the trio into this! i mean technically dusttale is a loops of both those things happening with the human killing the underground over and over and then dust killing them in the end??? so i think both dust and horror could relate to that?????
a repeated cycle of a human entering the underground and eventually dying,,,, feeling everything go back to a fixed state (literally with dust's resets and a bit more metaphorically with snowdin not caring all that much in horrortale)
having to start off disgusted with killing and then eventually learning to find enjoyment in it (likely because satisfaction of death is the only reprise from the repetitive slog and boredom that is their aus),,,,
somehow feeling guilt for everyone in their world because of what you've doomed them to by your own hands but also being over it and having grown apathetic. theyre still alive. dust sees his underground alive all the time and so does horror his underground's still (mostly) alive. but dust's underground doesnt survive longer than a few minutes now when they see eithe him or the human (so does it even count as life or is it just a barely fufilled light snuffed out) and horror practically already considers them all dead men walking and theyll all probably die one day anyway with how things are in horrortale so whats the point in even trying and doing something fufilling when everything is so so so shit??? (on dust's end this next similarity is ambiguous :3)
& also what they did to their respective papyruses and how they feel??? ik horror probably feels like shit for tricking papyrus into eating humans but he did the right thing (in his eyes. his EYE). he made the right choice to trick him even if it was bad it was the only thing he could do to help snowdin (sure as hell better than undick's choice to try and use him as cannon fodder for the core) and dust i feeeeel would have a similar thought process. papyrus shouldnt die he doesnt deserve to die but its what needs to be done. he's giving papyrus the longer end of the stick by killing him because its better than being killed by the HUMAN. he doesnt like it but he does it anyway because its what "needs" to be done!!! more similarity,,,,,,, esuaghhhh mtt parallel,,,,,,,
how many more similarities can i milk out. i dont know but anyways i doubt they'd bother talking to eachother about their feelings on this because gawddamn these guys and vulnerability!!! horror wouldn't tell a soul (especially not some freak version of him that killed everyone with some cheap excuse that it was to save them from some freaky human that dust swears he should remember but doesnt. but for the sake of this rant just pretend they dont know about eachother's lore :3) about what he did and what happened in horrortale because THATS HIS BUSINESS!!! dont stick ur head into stuff that youre not involved in PRICK he never gave permission for dust to know that
and dust wouldn't tell either because (i think!!! this part is just me fanonizing dust's reason necessary for this part of my silly horrordust rant. also obligatory "this is all my fanon interpretation of them" because i ran out of space in tags) he doesn't think horror would relate nor would be care. he's gotten too used to not telling anybody what he's doing or why or explaining himself to those he knows and loves back in dusttale so why would he even tell any of that to some random stranger with his only connection to him being that they both used to be the same person b4??
he wouldn't horror wouldn't and they both live in not so blissful ignorance about eachother and just how similar they are. or maybe they only know surface level and make up assumptions and stereotypes because they dont care enough or simply just dont have any attachment invested into eachother to want to actually think things through
TRIGLYCERCULE THIS IS TOO LONG I DIDN'T READ!!!!!! ok 🤣🤣🤣 tldr horror has many parallels and similarities with dust that would only be realized by them if they got self aware enough (which like. when is that ever happening). maybe if they cared enough and liked eachother enough they'd probably bond over their shared similarities,,,,,,,, aka by hunting down horrortale frisk
#guess what song inspired this. no need to guess it was uminaoshi by maretu#i can just imagine him saying the last chorus in the song to aliza..... getting into his feels of faint pessimistic hope of her saving them#and then he just turns around and says the probably part. to distract from the fact that he was getting into his emotions#sure you can save us. sure you'll make us happy. all because you've done nothing wrong right? probably.#ignoring the fact that the song is about a girl giving birth repeatedly with the baby dying repeatedly just so she can get it right#i think the song fits horror preeeetty well!#the coward's easy way out as an mtt fan is saying horror is different from killer and dust#but the chad alpha mtt fan would say theyre all similar to eachother#is horror REALLY that different from dust and killer??? IS HE?????? not particularly#mtt all peak because they all connect with eachother SO well TRUST TRUST#i had this thought under hrkl mentality but maybe it could apply to all of the trio but#horror and dust have killed countless humans. i probably need to touch up my smthnew lore but killer only 1 (chara)#and bc he hasnt done much in the human factor of murder he might ask hrdt about it to see what its like#and maybe imagine it was chara he was killing perchance who knows maybe he'll project their experiences onto himself#imagine all the different ways he would've killed chara if he didn't have one risky shot to end them there#and its all thanks to horrordust's insightful experiences! thanks fellas!#again this is under the assumption that killer's only killed ONE human#but (again) since hrdt are desensitized to blood and gore and guts and stuff#and killer hasnt. would he be like. gore sensitive. cannot handle the sight of human death#he can handle monster dust sure fine! can he handle seeing acids and blood and organs spill out of a body#it remind him of chara and when he killed them. it was cathartic. but also he killed THEM. it was a conflicting moment#maybe a part of him would like it maybe a part of him wouldnt. both for the same reason that it reminds him of them#that last sentence is intriguing i should ponder that more. mtt hunt down ht frisk when and how and why and what lead up to it and#this is what my horror analysis google doc looks like. disgustingly long and rambling paragraphs#tricule analysis#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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spillage.
[ + other things :D ]
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#doodles#if i have to tag somethin let me know :3 👍#i <3 reusing poses until the sun burns out hgbfhs#/thinking about the historical part of pi.e again. wough hkghsf#that spot is fun because. a lot happens lolll--#n also i'm still working on the magic system a bit so i do a bit with that :)#//yea though so the main image/s are from some traditional doodles i liked from around a year ago#the baby page was a doodle page that i ended up shading (the tag is justified i swear) i made maybe a couple days ago#and the last comic is from a couple months ago i think. i don't remember when exactly and that was a whole trouble hbfshv#anyway they make a nice group altogether!! i like em :3#/chewing on this guy like a lifesaver lmfshv#meee my ocsss and my blenderrrr lolll#//YEA so i'm gonna try to get the- OHHH idea ! ! !#okay so i've used the max amount of pages on carrd already#i could maybe use my neocities for a project hub...#the only problem is image stuff but i could figure that out easy peasy pie !!#OO okay i think i will do that !!!#i forgot what i was gonna say. uhhh hghsjhv#//oh RIGHT my google doc lmao--#i gotta get that fixed up a bit cuz i Do wanna have all my info for stuff in one spot#even if that one spot sucks very much. i'll do it anyway hgkfhsv#and apparently there's stuff on there i don't remember anyway so yaaay stuff for me :D#winning with this forgetting stuff hghfjsh#//okay okay yea tho i'm excited for that stuff i'm gonna poof now !!!
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masato being grossed out by jo and masumi being together is so funny because. who do you think gave him The Talk? masumi braces himself to teach his son about safe sex and masato cannot leave the room faster. third worst day of his life
NOO BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS THINKING OF THE INEVITABLE SCENARIO OF MASATO GETTING 'THE TALK' AND IT MADE ME UGLY LAUGH
#snap chats#THIRD WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE#UNDOUBTEDLY arakawa gave him the talk. To Them Both arakawa is masato's DAD dad right#would be funny as hell if sawashiro was there too tho.... whole family's getting a sex ed class ☠️#the mental image of masato desperately trying to wheel himself out of the room is going to make me throw up laughing#he tryna be lightning mcqueen SOOOOOO badly with how hard he tryna push his wheels#i could only burst a lung at the thought of sawashiro /trying/ to explain sex. like son HE barely understands how it works#he does not have the tact to explain it to a teenager Do Not Let Him Try. or let him it'll be funny#THE COMEDY OF THE POTENTIAL OF THE WHOLE 'remember to use protection' BIT IS LAVEKJLKJVE#1.) we're revisiting the Can Masato Fuck discussion 2.) Neither Of These Two Used Protection. Not Sawashiro Anyway#sawashiro sweating in the corner just. Yeah Uh. Yeah It's Pretty Important. You Don't Want To End Up In A Situation Youre Not Prepared For#and he got a fuckin thousand yard stare im gonna throw up#SEE IF THEYRE BOTH IN THE ROOM AND MASATO IS LIKE 'oh theyre definitely together' THEN THE PROGRESSION OF HORROR#EVEN IF THEYRE NOT BUT MASATO STILL HAS SUSPICIONS HE'S JUST 👁️🗨️👁️🗨️ never looks at them the same again#god. the more i think of it the dangerously close i get to opening google doc#its just so funny... ive never gotten The Talk as a kid tho so. uh. i have research to do
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man
#im formatting a google doc for my friend so he could read about my pirate AU :D#its making me miss the skrunklies#i miss them fr fr#the music im listening to fits the pirate au as well#i should write a battle sometime when i get the chance#my friend's only on vol 2 of coroika so theres a lot of notes i gotta write for it#im so excited though#i love my AU!!!!#im so excited i know ive probably said this like a million times now but im so excited#nonsense#coroika pirate au
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tempalate by caninewhistles on devianart!! nothing in february:( little penguino so sad the ward take him away.. oh well! teehee.. thank you all for the good year!!! Mwah!!!
#the ward at least gave me one thing and thats insight on how the facility might function hehehehehe#not really ofc#its good for basing stuff on it !! i know its not the same ofc the facility is like way bigger#but its a good reference to have for the basics of how it could function#ive got sooo many thoughts on the facility#i gotta make like. a guard oc or smth. ive got mutants ive got scientists ive got civilians (marya my good friend marya)#ive got a stalker. i need more#i need another civilian#one thats not dead#there is a little devil in my mind that wants me to make ten thousand ocs. NO!!!!! WRTITE ALYA FIC FIRST!!!!#spoeaking of writing! ive published 56.4k words on ao3 !!!#those are the only ones that ive published lol#god. its not that ive got full fics sitting in my google docs#its just that ive got some wips i didnt get around to finishing... goddd.... anekom science au i loev you anekom science au!!!#and then ive got a bit of! temnolya/temnovazone bit. thennn ummm ive got saffie creepypasta#oh then i have rp but those arent fics#OH SHIT#i completely forgot about . no. i did those last year so im not mentioning#i had a bit of a dimanya fic going but then didnt like my execution.. the idea was cool but the exectionw asnt#then that facility janitor thing that i took down bc i didnt like it. you know how it goes#its wild... !!!#i like writing:)
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451 that's how many more words I need
#my boyfriend said he'd kiss me if i could get sorry it's locked to bang on a certain number of words in total#i only need 451 more according to google docs#and im sure it'll be slightly different on ao3 because i think it counts hyphenated words differently? but still#oh my god#451 more words to write#just 451#im going insane#also i have a title for the last chapter heheheheheheh#mh sorry its locked
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something is just. wrong with me lol
#... I just looked at the google doc for my dumb story thing. and it's 30 pages rn.#dude I couldn't manage to write 35 pages for my thesis in 8 weeks.#but I have no problem writing 30 pages of insane shit about this stupid fictional guy that I wanna make out with or whatever. in two days.#yeah I'm. a serious adult doing serious things etc.#man if only I could control this. I'd be so fucking powerful. like just. have a crush on sustainability reporting next time dude.#hyperfixate on that shit instead. get obsessed with literally anything but some stupid idiot man's stupid idiot face (and body. ← not an#idiot. his body is fine.)#I hope this phase (the writing that shit down thing) is over soon. because how do you care about anything else when you could instead spend#hours doing that? I don't understand. so. pleeeeaaase lose interest in that soon I'm begging you. 😔#personal
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related to my last post about my writing habit of trying to hide things i didnt want to figure out by having a character not think about, notice, forget, or dismiss it, i was forced to confront it constantly while writing precipice because i would not want to look something up about the show or whatever and i'd start to be like "well it's fine he'll just be fuzzy on the details—"
then i would remember. about caleb's keen mind trait and therefore near perfect memory. this was the biggest pain in my entire ass i tell you. many scene revisions because i was relying on him to not know something only to start writing and realize how obvious it was that he would Definitely Fucking Know That. redoing the entire scene and/or having to go look into something and just fuming. now, am i a better writer for not being allowed to take this admittedly lazy shortcut? well yes of course. but i dont see why i cant complain about it all the same
#good idea generator#writing calebs pov sometimes felt like trying to get a cat to come out from under the couch. i could say much more about this#also this reminds me i have to reply to all the comments on that fic#i literally have already written my replies i just did them all at once in a google doc because i have like. problems responding to comment#i explained my anxieties out loud to a real person awhile and realized how ridiculous they are its so silly#im constantly worried i will come across as insincere or people will compare my replies to their comment to my reply to someone elses [???]#& i get stressed if its too long or too short or i dont respond to every part of the comment and its like. i KNOW this Doesnt Matter At All#like just say thanks for reading my fic & thanks for commenting. no need to get weird about it#unfortunately i have problems disorder and i cannot stop worrying. i can only be weird about it
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........ noticed I fucked up on a count of my pokemon plushies so at some point soon I'm dismantling the displays to recount...... sigh
#I keep a google doc for each one I have because I'm insane#but counting it it says I only have 7 ampharos when I think I actually have 9#so I fucked up somewhere#also current count (pre recount) is 195 pokemon plushies. This is an addiction and I need an intervention#And I'm still getting more because I know there's several new ones I want.#ALSO also. I find it funny that I have THAT many and not a single pikachu. or charizard. or gengar.#I should make a pikachu I think I saw a pattern for how to make one from a fuzzy sock. I made a flaaffy like that.#could probably do gengar like that too
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how's feeling more confident about adulting this year going, violet?
so glad you asked. I told myself at the beginning of january that this year I'd be prioritizing both mine and my cat's health (e.g. taking us to the vet/doctor bc it's been years for either of us) and promptly made her a vet appt. now that the vet appt is arriving uhhh next week I'm realizing I really need to also make myself that doctor's appointment I guess? uh?? fuck!
#doctors cw#medical cw#my previous gp retired last summer but I hadn't seen her in years before that anyway#I could see a nurse practitioner at that same practice#or I could go with one of the ppl my boss recommended#or one of the docs I found googling for fat-friendly providers near me#so now I have too many options and am overwhelmed#I know I need to go to the doctor#it's been multiple years + I am getting older + want to take better care of myself#specifically I would like to get (back) into (long distance) biking which I haven't been doing on account of My Joints#something Is Wrong with them and I need to get it checked out#but there's like a 95% chance that any doctor is going to start and end that conversation at 'you need to exercise more/lose weight'#never mind that I want to get the joints looked at so I *can* exercise because right now things hurt#anyway this isn't me looking for advice unless you have a specific GP rec for my area#e.g. only if you know where I live#I'm just venting bc it's so frustrating as a process#also lmao @ me for getting my cat's medical care sorted out before my own#classic! but also there's a vet literally walking distance from my apt. so that made the 'where to take her' choice easier#I've put in an appt rec for one doc. but now I'm second guessing that so back to the drawing board I suppose#sigh.
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i should not be allowed to think abt humanities degrees after 10 pm im not joking
#EVERY TIME i get distracted from what im supposed to be doing for hours at a time reseat#*researching the major and minor programs and possible transfer credits that i could take over the summer and outlining theoretical#futures w them#just got done w my engineering major english minor mapping 😋😋#was gonna do one for engineering major + french minor but it is nearly 1 am and i have still not done this hypothesis test lmfao so i will.#shelve that. for later#i actually could pull off the english minor though and since some of it is transfer credits from community colleges i wouldn’t have to pay#too much either…. i am looking!#personal#the english chronicles#actually it isn’t even a humanities degree thing. last year i was doing the same thing while i was on track for journalism mapping out#engineering biology environmental science etc#evidently i just shouldn’t be allowed to think abt degrees period#only god knows how many google docs i have w little tables detailing each hypothetical year
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Today's Daily BakuDeku Song Is: Christmas In June - AJR
Oh my God How lucky am I to have two things I love? Makes it that much easier to fuck it up In case I miss it, can we do Christmas in June?
#bakudeku#bkdk#dkbkdk#dekubaku#dkbk#wasn't joking. about holding myself back with the ajr songs#this one could be either pov but i think i like it from izuku's the most#this one has the vibe of they can NEVER find ANY time to do anything together once they have hero work#their dates always get cut short or cancelled because they get called in for a mission or fight or something#their hours and days off never line up#things like that#a sort of situation of the only time they get to spend with each other is when they hit the bed exhausted and beaten up from the day's work#just the two exhausted pros so so desperate for a chance to just. spend time with each other.#to even have a holiday together#even when they're doing missions together and working as a pair. they're doing hero work. they're WORKING#they're not having quiet moments together they're fighting villains.#I'M JUST SAYING... that spending all your time together as a couple working isn't the best situation to be in#bats my eyes at you guys... does anyone wanna write a fic like this#*looks around* ah shit i gotta do it myself don't i. okay. *opens google docs* alright
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i was playing about dropping Fifty Drawings onto everyone's dashboard this week but the unfortunate reality is i am in fact being assaulted with images
#snap chats#this is what happens when i go on three hour walks i guess#might abandon some but i will spitball the ones on the forefront of my brain..#more for my sake so i dont fuckin forget cause I Am Starting To Forget Already dont read if. you dont want spoilers ???#not y7 spoilers. or i mean i GUESS there'll be y7 spoilers but i mean for my psts. i guess. only i care about that ANYWAY#i wanna draw a comic of aoki getting SOME kind of butterfly memorabilia or something with him and butterflies#i Was having a chortle with myself about Like A Butterfly but i was also like... Yk Butterflies Still Are About Rebirth#lame as hell ik but shut up anyway next one i wanted to do was Troubled Teen Jo getting in a scrap with arakawa#idk if i want this to be AFTER arakawa's become a father or not.. im still chewing on exactly what i want the direction of it to be..#i have an IDEAAAA just.. nothing concrete yet..#and then the one i wanted to see if i could do tonight was Beach Day With The Arakawas :) Cause IDK <:)#i really dont know.. for some reason i just got visions of them three at the beach.. maybe its cause of tonbi idk...#though the more i thought about that idea the longer it got and the more i was like 'maybe i can turn this into a fic instead'#a terrible sentence cause generally i never get anything done when i say that but it'd fr be too long to make a comic of#so at least for now maybe ill make a short fic.. just tryna figure if i want a jo or arakawa pov#i always think of jo's pov so i wanna challenge myself with arakawa. i always focus on jo and his pov of 'becoming a father'#but sometimes i also really wanna explore arakawa's pov on jo becoming another parental figure for masato. or smthn like that idk#ANYWAY LET ME COOK. im not a good chef but i can at least cook an egg lemme see what i got...#bye bye for now ill be in the kitchen (google docs) if anyone needs me..
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.
#I've had this ranty google doc for years where I just write all the arguments I wish I could have spoke in#all the things I wanted to scream about but never could#and idk sometimes I want to put it together and publish it#because for 97% of the 19 years I've been alive I've done nothing for myself#I'm only here to please everyone else and maybe#just maybe I can do something else with my voice besides want to punish myself for not being good enough#is “confessions of a fat girl” taken bc most of my trauma is unfortunately weight related#peace love generational trauma#skyrants#deleting later#sky gets personal
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