#but i change boy to doc cuz i think it’s funny

[izzy-fishy]

got high on Reese’s cereal. had a mental breakdown. made this. enjoy

[pitchlag]

Rvb19 thoughts in no particular order

Yeah so. I still think s13 is The capping point for me and all that comes after is hypothetical/simulations or whatever.

First of all. No, you fucking don't get to separate Grif and Simmons.

Having the groups act hostile towards each other (or just the Reds against Caboose again) right after Chorus was a a big enough of a crime already. But those two are a package deal.

So what the fuck even happened in the SoC fight? Why would they let Tucker just walk out in the aftermath? I guess Carolina booked it to go after him bc why else would she leave Wash alone again, after he was supposedly injured?? Also Doc dying, wow rude. Donut and his VA are free to enjoy their break but where' was heeeeeeee where'd he goooooo he was barely mentioned at aaaalllllllll >:(

Sarge's death speech was surprisingly long and clear even though his lungs were probably pierced, cauterized or no.

On one hand I have a hard time seeing Sarge dying peacefully in a bed instead of in battle but he didn't have to stay at that doorway after they got back. He didn't have to die there. I'm glad he went back for Caboose though cuz that is one his boys (even if he's a dirty Blue).

Grif and Simmons talking about him at his grave was pretty good scene and so was the campfire reminiscing one but again, Sarge didn't have to die and I refuse a world where Grif and Simmons would go their separate ways like that. No wonder Gus and Geoff were shocked to find out this was the last season.

I got so excited the second I recognized Tex's knuckle crack ;o;

So close to a proper Tex and Caro combo, though I do get that they wouldn't work well together because of their history and different fighting styles :( Still, even if AI boosted, Tucker shouldn't be anywhere near good enough to go against both.

Also they got Kathleen back for Tex, John Erler for North and Samantha Ireland for CT??? Couldn't have seen that coming. Also Miles was aight doing Elijah Wood's voice but I guess a lot of it was helped by the voice mods.

Beta may have been "a failure" and Sigma is a bitch but his speech at her felt really off. She was still a major part of Alpha and the memories of Allison were the reason the rest of the pieces came to be in the first place. The Meta collective tried to catch her both in cases of the og Tex and Epsi-Tex, so Sigma full on rejecting her and the rest not reacting at all was really weird.

"This time, I'm not based on his memories, I'm based on theirs. And I always kicked their asses." A nice change of pace re: Beta as Alpha's/Allison's "failure". ....

Chex has embedded itself deep into my brain, so of course I Felt Things seeing them interact one last time fr fr. Tex finally got to go out with some agency of her own, yet we've come a full circle, they're back together again as Leonard and Allison. At least one good ending. Easily the best part of the movie.

Security working from home extremely funny, but the bit went on for too long and video calls w/ technical issues bc haha relatable feels like an overdone trope already

Felix being included as a part of the Meta was kinda weird? He never really interacted with the armor or the AI to warrant it I think.

Niner and Sheila :)

No Junior :(

So uh. Tucker got no closure re:Epsilon's death and just kinda. Walks it off after the possession is over? After Wash and Memory!Doc had that talk about the things an AI in your head does to you??

Speaking of Wash:

I know he's always been linked to memory and I actually like how they handled his brain damage in the Shisno Paradox, but I just have a very different image of how he feels about the PFL folks in the aftermath. To me Carolina always seemed more like the type to feel regret over how things went with PFL; she was kind of in a leadership position, had her tragic relationship with York and she felt taking down the Director was her duty.

Wash did arguably have a lot more positive ties to others than she did during the Project, but he was ready to burn it all down while in Recovery duty. I always thought he would have a lot harder time moving past his own trauma of getting left behind to get back to the good memories. Regrets about Doc I can kinda understand since they had time to work together while at Chorus after Wash's villain arc was over, but again, the man carries a grudge like it's a badge of honor. He didn't exactly get closure with his former teammates, aside from collecting the AI from their dead bodies after he'd been left alone following the fall of the MoI and after South shot him in the back. It's interesting how differently Shisno trilogy and S19 handled how Wash and Carolina feel about the whole thing, but I'm glad they stick together regardless. I love their relationship so much.

Wash staying silent when the recovery unit is broken..... Ngl I'm kinda obsessed with how he and Epsilon never got closure

I still don't have interest in checking out Zero....

Woulda been a lot better if they just let Trocadero do the music :( As predicted, the movie OST lacked the personality the series OST was built on and somehow including one track from them felt a bit of an insult. A reminder of what could've been. Also I didn't like the "oohh this part is super loud because movie" bits

Tragically obvious how rushed the production was and how they had a lot less people and resources to work with

If Shisno was a mixed bag of some high highs and a lot of lows, this was relatively steadily ok. Some dips, at least one peak. Not nearly as good as what precedes it but. ok. I can take it as one possibility

Sigh. The funky space marines are finally free. (I'm not, these fuckers seem to continue to fail evacuating my brain)

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

Listen I see a title like 'Big Package for You' and I need to know the deets and most importantly: is it a double entendre?

Gonna get my gratitude out of the way first cuz... you picked the serotonin factory. THANK YOU! I'm very excited to talk about this one!

Listen. This is probably why I will never change the name of this doc and if the fic ever gets written it will be the title. 😂😂😂

Also. You will learn that when it comes to me, everything I make will probably always be sfw 🙈

BUT! Yes. This title is a double entendre BUT x2, it's not from my brain. This is the title of the vlog on which this fic is based.

I'mma put a cut here cuz I'm probably about to ramble. This is my "I'm so excited about it but can't make it work quite yet" fic. Snippet(s) at the end!

So. Background info. I am and have been a pretty intense Simple Plan fan and everything Sunset Curve makes me think of them and vice versa. WHICH MEANS. I want to Sunset Curvify this vlog DVD that Simple Plan put out when they were just getting started (Big Package for You - it's on Youtube) because it is absolutely ridiculous and everything you would expect from the boys (and Julie) (and Flynn). A bunch of early 20s rockstar best friends going on tour for the first time and all of the shenanigans they get into?! Please. BUT I CAN'T MAKE THE VIDEO FUNNIES TRANSLATE TO WRITTEN FUNNIES. So it's been stalled.

That's a lot less rambling than I expected... 🤔

Reward for reading my incoherent thoughts:

Current opening scene:

“Ok, losers! We’re making a vlog!” Flynn announces as soon as they enter the studio.

“A vlog?” Alex confirms, incredulousness clouding his voice.

They nod determinedly. “Yes, a vlog. People like behind the scenes content and you’re about to record an album and film some music videos and hopefully go on tour. So let’s give the people what they want.”

“And the people want a vlog?” Alex asks again.

“Are you listening to anything I’m saying?” Flynn demands, growing increasingly frustrated with him.

Alex sighs in resignation, “yeah, I’m listening. I just don’t want a camera in my face all the time.”

“Well, it won’t be all the time and there are…” they make a point of counting them off on their fingers, “at least four of you and you’re not special so they can get some screen time too.”

“Gee, thanks,” he responds drily.

They beam exaggeratedly at him, “no problem!” Flynn turns to the others. “Any other issues?”

“Nope!” Luke and Reggie quickly exclaim while Julie rolls her eyes.

Aaaaaand a random scene I have successfully adapted from the vlog:

Luke is sitting in front of an unsteadily held camera.

“When you say you were signed individually, basically, y-you didn’t know each other before this band?” Willie asks from behind the camera.

“No, we were actually manufactured, as many fans say.”

“And the friendship, it’s all fake.”

“Oh yeah, I don’t like those guys. Like, no. No. I wouldn’t hang out with them if -”

“And on a personal note, I have to say, if I wasn’t paid, I certainly wouldn’t be hanging out with you guys.” 

“YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!” Flynn yells from off camera and the boys start giggling. The camera is jostled as Flynn grabs it from Willie and stops recording.

WIP Ask Game

Thank you again! If I had a fic I wanted to excitedly ramble about with somebody, it would be this one (when I'm not frustrated at it).

[everydaymj]

Just thinking outloud! So I’ve been re reading the thing about destiny again and I’ve super duper been enjoying all the updates you’ve made!

I think I’ve gotten to the parts where you’ve stopped so far and it’s back to the OG (spiderman right?) which was very funny cuz then I remembered the basics of the OG Peter Parker storyline and it was totally Andrew Garfield at the time right?

Anyway that all had me thinking about how funny it is he’s technically in the MCU now and in what capacity Annalise finds herself hopping the the different universes and that it kinda matches up so well the Loki series stuff too haha.

That said I also love all ur AU Annalise stories too, so I got caught up in trying to decide if there are different Annalise’s hopping the different timelines in different universes or if it’s the same Annalise in all timelines and she just forgets other universes if she switches between them (like how she forgets her original life)!

Anyway love the fic as always! Cant wait to finish it again and read through the AUs again too!

💖

First of all, ahhhhh thank you friend!!! This means the world to me that you still go back to Anna and her story!!! I was actually working on some edits and seeing this gave me a shot of motivation!

Okay so yes, it totally was Andrew Garfield when I first wrote it! I still question if changing it was the right call, but I would love to one day call this story finished, so it did make more sense to do a retcon. Not a spoiler or anything, but in the new edited version, our boy Andrew doesn't actually make it to the MCU as I am starting to play with cannon and change things up! If you ever want to see what I'm working on I'm more than happy to send you the link to my docs.

Totally crazy you should mention Loki as I only just now got around to watching season 2 and boy...did I get some ideas from that. I want to say the AU Anna's are all variants of each other, different timelines and realities for each one. Speaking of I found a fragment of an AU I totally forgot about, it's a Ghost AU so lmk if you want me to send it to you!

[baylardo]

i had to just reblog cuz im longwinded hahaha CLASSIC 🤪

i was stratting this by looking at the episode lineup for season 3 hehehhh and i can only say things involving THAT PLOT winks depends on where u situate it in the episodes. likeeeee depending on how u wanna play stuff, whether or not shed have her little bout of sickness before or after belanna and vorik do in Blood Fever 😏 my only thought with that is that the Doc would obviously have experience to some degree dealing with it at that point. had it happened before blood fever, had it happened before the q and the grey. which im not opposed to except u have fun eps like Coda and Unity practically kissing each other in between Blood Fever in late season three hehe. just sayingggg Coda and Threshold share an air date i think???

also of note is Future’s End where i think we were talking about the time traveling nonsense somehow making kathryn and tom (not the kids since they were born that way) temporarily devolve and look human lmao (so they can more seamlessly blend in on the planet) i think we poopoo’d cosmetic solutions bc of their tails. and ummmm idk it fits the vibe of being so close to their goal but not THAT close and they have to give it up when they go back to their correct time. anyway futures end is like RIGHT before q and the grey. and with your ideas on the kiddies, i was thinking that yeah they wouldnt recognize their bio parents all that well, kathryns kinda whatever about it at first riding that high if being normal again, chakotay’s moody about it. i figure futures end might be where the babies start walking or talking 😈

i only mention it here cuz kathryn turning human AGAIN like an episode after this one is funny and has probably lost some of its charm to her lol. bc i think Q would try to tempt her with turning her human again hehe. then either he or Miss Q forcefully do it to her. (i was most recently thinking Q would forcefully devolve her when he blips her to the Continuum into the civil war dreess but idk hehe) thus with those two out of contact with Voyager, Miss Q and Chakotay scheme of how to get them separated and not mate lol. BUT YEA it could easily be miss q doing BOTH i just cant think of a convenient time for janeway to process that change lmao shes thrown into a war.

omg ALSOOOOO how much this ep revolves around mating is sooooo funny in that context lol 😂 like girl you get absolutely Ravenous for mating if Q timed out popping his question sooner/later.

haha TOM WOULD LOL just a couple of lizard lads (dads) 😏 idek if the boys get any mating fever haha i figured maybe volatile/rivalrous male behavior but not whatever weird stuff kathryns got going on haha. boys get stinky pheromones hahaha. i bet chakotay would be so pumped being able to chitter properly!!! 😭❤️ babies are still only like one year old if even. maybe they dont recognize him or call him papa or whatever haha SAD. but kathryn would have experienced the same predicament already in Future’s End.

i think im most inclined to have her cycle happen after Unity when shes lost her kindling feels for chakotay after Coda hehe. :3 just like some time inbetween eps in late s3

I was humoring an idea I’d had for The Q and the Grey where like,,,,, 

Whilst Q is attempting to entice Kathryn into mating with him, Chakotay and Miss Q are conspiring together to prevent that from occurring. And likeeeee, I guess the idea was that they’re gonna make Kathryn look “normal” again and have Chakotay sacrificially take on the evolved look for her; and that in seeing what he’s done for her, she’d ideally be swayed to go to him as opposed to Q. Which ironically DOES WORK, but not in the way they intended.

Alternatively, it could be seen as Q makes Kathryn “human” if only temporarily, and Miss Q evolves Chakotay thinking his new appearance would sway Kathryn. 

I think I prefer the former only because I like the idea of Chakotay having a little bit more agency in the dealings with the Q’s in an attempt to make Kathryn happy with herself again. Unbeknownst to him she already is. :)

[atherix0]

I am in fact here to scream some more. THE MOVING IN! SO CUTE! GRIAN MEETING JELLIE FINALLY - The Book TM oh my god. Scar is feeding it grocery store romance novels you just like. Know he is. Also please know that I just went to check my email because I'm waiting on something and immediately dropped literally everything I was doing to read this.

ALSO YOU SNEAKY, CHEEKY PERSON WITH THE LORE CH 2????????/ First of all how dare you second of all how dare you. It's so CLEVER how it managed to explain why it isn't so simple for Scar to just be turned and for it to fix everything but i am pulling out my hair and gnawing at my arm with very sharp teeth because AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Also Tubbo looking and Grian and being like 'Yeah im gonna ask him for advice' AHHHH YES. YES! MUMSCARIAN GROWS CLOSER WITH EVERY UPDATE! But also poor tubbo trying to figure out what to do bc he wants to be an adult but he doesn't want to be gone and lose his dad im????? hi welcome to weirdly relatable because im in my twenties but my mom is in her seventies and i have Those Kinds Of Thoughts often, the catharsis with that entire conversation was UNMATCHED frankly. Tubbo I love you.

Also the way Grian's brain ticks is just. Magnificent. Bless him. Relatable. 'I found a solution why does no one recognize my genius - oh.'

AND THE DANCING - First of all Doc making a cameo to build a portable jukebox for this specific scenario is so funny to me 'I got it but i dont wanna talk about it i just wanna dance' grian you little bird brain. MUMBOOOOOOOO LEADING THE WAYYYYY. THE TWO OF THEM FULLY AWARE THEYVE GOT IT FOR SCAR AND GRINNING AT EACH OTHER WHILE SCAR IS JUST SAT THERE LIKE "Wow that's nice. Wish I had that. Love my friends" ASDFGHJK Grian just plopping himself into Scar.

Can we talk about how Scar is so oblivious that he only notices how often Mumbo and Grian hold him/touch him/touch his hair if they do it for 'too long' see also mumbo catching him last fic. Scar. S c a r. You literally keep thinking "our coven - their coven." scar you oblivious little elf.

S C R E A M I N G the way they just pass Scar along. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. *OH MY GOD* listen if they dont get together soon i am going to go insane I am kicking my feet and being dragged to hell 🤣

AHAHA hello again <3 YASSSSS GRIAN MEETS JELLIE <3 Fun fact but in the original draft this was the first time he even found out about Jellie at all but since they went to Aqua Town I changed it to the first time he met her <3 HJFSDJKFHJDJK at least it wasn't 13k+ this time :'3

I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF DROPPING IN LITTLE LORE BITS <3 YEAH hjfgdsjkfdgj cuz like THEORETICALLY.... Theoretically it checks out but how would it work with someone who is both Natural and Supernatural what if it actually makes things worse what if- hjgfdjk there's a lot of what-ifs there <3

Tubbo was like "this is a person who Gets Me (see Midnight Strolls and them being chaos gremlins togethers) and cares about my dad I will ask him for advice" hjfsdjkfk YEAH huge mood hfjkfds he wants to branch out and live his life and be an adult but at the same time it's like <3 he's painfully aware and it scares him he doesn't wanna lose time with his dad hjfdskjk I can understand the fear too </3 My stepmom's the closest thing to a mom I have and she's almost seventy now </3 I adore this boi <3

LMAO Grian forgetting to look at the big picture, relatable <3

YESSSSSS THE DANCING <3 HJFVSJHKVFJKS to be FAIR it was more of a callback than anything <3 but also having an inventor friend is pretty convenient when you're about to get in the middle of a nasty conflict right? He wants to DANCE with his MENS in their CLEARING he has his priorities straight they're both so pretty and the night is so nice~ HJFSHJKFSHKJFS Scar just like "aww they're so sweet and pretty I love them so much wish I could join them <3" and they just >:3 gonna give him everything lmao "Wanna dance?" jhgfdjkkfd

HHGHGASHGA YEAH LMAO he's just so comfortable with them now that it only really occurs to him that "hold up it's been a minute what-" kjfdskfdskl this boy someone get him some self-value so "they're into me" isn't the absolute last thing he thinks of <3 yesssss their Coven hhfdjh

HFKSHFJKS if that dance scene doesn't sum up their relationship dynamic I don't know what will LMAO <3 You will be very happy soon I think <3 just gotta go through some pain first <3 :D

[iaintyourbro]

Your first ask is me? I feel bad now your first ask is about a biased CA... :( I always see you out there writing great ideas and opinions on things! You deserve more asks! About my ask I know other people picked their favorite and all, but that's all they did. A VA is like saying all these things about A fixing C and shit and that's not it. That's not the story. That's not the game. She's putting wrong ideas in the fans/shippers heads while working for SE. I just find that a little pathetic. +

2/2  + but I won't e-mail anyone. That was just me being petty. And kind of joking too. (Sorry for my English)

Oh, please, don’t feel bad at all! I think it’s a great starting question to get me thinking. Also, your English is FANTASTIC. I assumed you were a native speaker! 

I 100% agree with you on how she’s saying the wrong things. I didn’t even know she was going that far. Like I said, I really can’t tolerate watching her because it’s so extreme to one side. 

Based on that, it sounds like she really didn’t play through the OG. It’s clear that Aerith doesn’t do anything to “fix” Cloud. Her job and her role is for the overall plot of FF7. She’s a very important character in that regard. Without her, the world is screwed (well, without her in the Lifestream but). Tifa legit is the only one that can help fix Cloud later on - by guiding him and letting him come to terms with everything on his own.

Did Aerith make Cloud a bit more open? Yes, absolutely. Every character that Cloud deals with develops him further, and I love that. It’s not just Tifa or Aerith. Barret. All of AVALANCHE gives him development. Marle gives him development. The Trio, Jules, all of them. It’s wholesome as hell that he really does listen and refers to things he’s learned later in the game. Watching him go from “Not interested” to being super worried about Wedge when he falls from the pillar is GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. 

I think Aerith teaches him some social skills - like high-fives. It’s silly, but Cloud was afraid to high-five. His persona won’t let him do anything that’s gonna make him possibly get rejected or hurt. It’s silly, but our boy is pretty messed up at this point. 

She also teaches him sympathy. When she’s talking about Zack in the park she’s just SAD. I felt for her. I was really glad they did so much Zack/Zerith referencing in the remake. This isn’t to say he didn’t show any sympathy or concern before - he did notice a lot if Tifa seemed nervous or upset. This was more obvious, though, because he was pretty closed off from Aerith until she talked about Zack. 

Cloud softens up when he realizes she’s sad about this unknown person who he isn’t allowed to know the name of, which to me is a huge improvement with how he dealt with things like that before. @silver-wield Did a full interpretation of the park scene that covers this in more detail. She also has one on the high-fives.

Him learning to listen to people instead of blowing them off, him remembering the lessons Tifa taught him at surviving life on the ground floor, (he asks her in Chapter 10 if following the stench is another lesson... as he’s smiling btw). 

What actually will piss me off is people saying he was a stoic, closed off jerk until Chapter 8. It’s just not true. He grew a LOT from his first line to his last one in Chapter 7. Before Aerith. Then he continues to grow. Shipping who you want is fine until you start deleting parts of the actual story. 

If the story didn’t go in the Cloti direction, I guarantee you I probably would have gone with whatever the final pairing was. I generally do. Squall and Rinoa, Yuna and Tidus, Celes and Locke, Rosa and Cecil. You know, the linear relationships. 

The exception for me was Lucrecia and Vincent... cuz I just was so grossed out that she picked Hojo. DoC cleared up some of it, but still. I had head canon that Vincent was Sephiroth’s father yada yada. When I found out it’s canon that Hojo is - that there’s legit NO POSSIBILITY of Vincent being his father, I accepted it. I didn’t go online and start twisting the story and attacking people. It didn’t take away from my fan fiction enjoyment at all.

I assume it’s like people who ship Squall and Quistis, for example. Nothing in the game indicates this (he rejects her hard - “Then go talk to a wall”), but people do. That’s okay, I don’t enjoy that pairing (hot for teacher, anyone?), but I know people do. The differences with that pairing and C//erith is NOBODY GOES ONLINE AND FIGHTS THE FF8 STORY TO PUSH THAT SHIP. They don’t sit here and rip the story up, ignore parts, don’t play past certain parts/skip chapters/quests whatever. Then they start quoting things that were debunked long ago. 

I am absolutely fine with shipping who you want. You just can’t change the actual story to fit it and then argue with facts. That’s what makes this brutal. I also don’t care if the VAs ship whoever. They just can’t put false ideas into the heads of fans. It either creates false hope for one side or anxiety for the other. It doesn’t end well, especially since people expect that she may know more than we do. They’ll take those comments to heart much more than a random person on the internet...

Also: I would not judge or look down on you for emailing Square, cuz I think it’s the funny kind of petty! I’d be that petty too, but probably never actually send it!

[piffeller]

“obscure asks”

1. what’s your favorite way to dress?

-the first outfit that comes to mind is hair slicked back in a bun, neck tattoo out in full force, brows flaring, dark sunglasses, full lips, no earrings, gold necklaces, titties full, black bra, tight black t-shirt tucked into black jeans, black belt, ass noice, black thong, legs long, black paradox (pair-of-docs), black backpack, gold rings. new york ting. so, like, either that or a sundress.

2. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

-to savagely murder the bully to me in me.

3. what movie/game/etc. helps you calm down?
-inglorious basterds.

4. do you like to organize?

-major KINK. mayyyjahh.

5. what kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?
-frank ocean.

6. what song is your aesthetic?
-“are you even real?” by james blake.

7. what color do you think goes best with your personality?
-lately it’s olive green. maybe black.

8. do you believe in auras?
-eh

9. what do you wish you hated, but you actually like?
-american food.

10. vague about your crush(es)
-what even is a crush.

11. is there someone you have mixed feelings towards?
-all i have are mixed feelings cuz i’m mixed.

12. talk about an au or story you came up with
-one time i wrote an au about a boy i saw on my first ever flight to new zealand when i was 17. he was Māori and wore a purple shirt and had a purple jansport backpack and i was actually in love with him. we met and fell in love in the story, of course. in real life i just stared at him the entire 14 hour flight and then again at baggage claim, of course.

13. do you like makeup?

-yes. i haven’t worn any in ages though. but i’m freakishly good at applying it for no reason at all.

14. do you prefer space or the ocean?

-what a question………………..i wanna say the ocean but the sheer vastness of space though? it’s space. space.

15. if you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live?

-jupiter because women should be able to go there and get more stupider too

16. what form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.)
-socialism. apparently that means you don’t believe in god though lmaooo. well shrug

17. what animal would you keep as a pet, if you could?

-great white shark. would be a cutie too.

18. what do you think our purpose is in the universe?
-to explore, to travel, to connect, to do everything we possibly can in one lifetime

19. do you believe in god(s)?

-nah, g. i’m a socialist.

20. is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it?

-godspeed yeewwwwwwww

21. what ex do you miss the most, if you have one?

-there’s only one i miss. he’s the only one ex i’ve ever had that i’ve wanted to keep in my life. i’m not usually one to regress.

22. what is your favorite thing to learn about?

-conspiracy theories, ww2, nature, outer space, cooking, cults, philosophy, etc. i’m a learner

23. what country’s history do you find the most interesting?
-i mean, america’s contemporary history (that’s a funny statement) is pretty fuckin’ entertaining atm. i have general interest in the history of other countries but america really is the most…”interesting”…to keep up on.

24. what breakup was the hardest, if you had one?

-if not my last one then the one in the summer of..idk 2014?? looking back, i’m so happy to have gotten out of that relationship when i did but at the time, that breakup was pretty traumatic. i spent a whole summer with myself crying, screaming internally, eating white castle and cheesecake in bed, watching the same dvds over and over, going onto my balcony to eat homemade sugar cookies and smoke cigarettes, smoking blunts with my brother on the roof, and every time i cried it would rain. i still have that power. it’s summers like those that remind me that nostalgia is a horrible thing always lurking to make old seem gold.

25. do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend?
-yes?

26. what do you think about tumblr discourse?
-i’ve engaged in tumblr discourse one whole time and was told “shame on you” and that i “have blood” on my hands for not wanting to vote for someone accused of sexual misconduct lmao. oh and that my opinions and morals don’t matter when it comes to voting. typical liberal bullshit

27. what instrument do you wish you could master?
-piani.

28. how easy is it for you to be honest?

-it was very easy for a very long time. the easiest. but i’ve had a lot of stacked trauma that’s made it increasingly difficult and and then very hard for me lately. it comes in waves. i’m riding the next one.

29. do you have any strange interests?

-i mean, true crime/murder/serial killers but isn’t everyone into that shit now? so it’s not strange? i guess a “strange” interest of mine lately has been trying to grasp what it is that convinces people of certain conspiracy theories and not the “truth” that most of society believes. in short, this new post-truth society is a “strange” interest of mine.

30. do you have any strange fears?

-abandonment. which isn’t a strange fear. but what makes it strange is that i’ve never been abandoned before. so idk where this fear comes from.

31. what food do you binge on when you’re lazy?

-american fast food. thankfully, i’m not usually in this raggedy ass triflin’ country too often. so if i’m away and hungry and lazy then i choose to not be lazy and to just cook something nice.

32. when you get angry, how do you show it?

-lately silence.

33. do you have any impulsive movements? (twitches, ticks, flapping, etc.)
-lately no.

34. earbuds or headphones?

-airbuds.

[darkwingsnark]

FIC WRITER MEME

Tagged by @prince-luffy

AO3 name: DarkwingSnark

Fandoms: ...SEE, I’m in lots of fandoms. Or at least, I’ve written for them during hyper-fixation periods. Let’s see what AO3 says...

Batman: The Animated Series (20)

Batman - All Media Types (7)

Wander Over Yonder (Cartoon) (6)

DuckTales (Cartoon 1987) (5)

Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (5)

Penguins of Madagascar (3)

James and the Giant Peach - Roald Dahl (3)

Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991) (3)

Disney - All Media Types (3)

Dan Vs. (2)

Milo Murphy's Law (2)

Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (1)

The Batman (Cartoon) (1)

Lady and the Tramp (1955) (1)

Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies (1)

Winnie-the-Pooh - All Media Types (1)

Alice in Wonderland (1951) (1)

Gummi Bears (TV) (1)

Winnie-the-Pooh (Disney) (1)

.... Honestly, I feel like there’s more that this list isn’t covering. Like Phineas and Ferb isn’t here and I wrote for that show too. And many of these can be simplified and condensed because they belong to similar fics.

Tropes: Depends on the fic. But as a whole, tend to write Romantic Comedies with a lot of slow burn. Mostly because... struggle is funny. People being dumdums and oblivious to the obvious is funny. Aaaaand also because it allows the episodic quality of shenanigans to occur.

Number of fics: Up and posted on AO3? 53. Does not include stuff on FF.net or that’s sitting in google docs begging to be finished.

Fic I spent the most time on: Not sure how to read this. Does it mean active man hours? Or does stuff like having a hiatus in-between count? Because TECHNICALLY ‘Real Value’ was started in high school, and I didn’t rewrite it and carry on the series (with Moonie) until many years later. There are also fics like ‘Growing Love’ or ‘Priorities’ that took a lot of time to do research. Like learning how to build a lawn mower so I could have a character believably break it apart for repairs.

....God I do a lot of research that doesn’t go into the actual fics. Because all I need, really, in the confidence of what I’m doing to be the character and describe an action here or there. 

Fic I spent the least time on: Probably something drabble related? Or maybe the fic I did that was just me venting out emotions because I was feeling guilty? ‘A Mother’s Intuition’ was written and posted within a couple of hours.

Longest fic: Complicated. The longest thing written is technically an RP, NOT a story. (Different, trust me.) ‘What Happens in Gotham’ has a word count of  207,413. But fic wise at 89,022 word would be ‘The Constant Gardener’ . 

Runner up being ‘Priorities’ at little over 87k.

Shortest fic: Drabbles? Uh, let’s see.. Probably from ‘Beauty and Your Worth’, as i think one was literally a paragraph long. ... Speaking of Gummi Bears, I wonder if I still have my notes on the GruffiGusto fic I wanted to write. Something to look into.

Most hits: Apparently ‘Fallen Hard’ at  5354

Most kudos: Also ‘Fallen Hard’ at 518. There... were more fans of Milo Murphy’s Law than I realised. 

Most comment threads: ‘Fallen Hard’, 193 comments. ‘What Happens in Gotham’ following at 185.

Most bookmarks: .... that’s something people care about? I hardly ever bookmark things, since I read it in one go. But... I can look?

Ah.... ‘Fallen Hard’. 63

Total word count: 971,833 Oh hey! Almost a million. That’s something to celebrate.

Favorite fic I wrote: 'Knights of Dobenshire’. Hands down. (With ‘Heart of the Cards’ being very close.) I like writing road trip styled stories. It allows many things to happen within the narrative. BUT, ‘Knights of Dobenshire’ wins because it was such a satisfying conclusion of this build up, you know? Scrooge is finally no longer just putting up with the relationship with Fenton, but fully embracing it. That surprise feeling that hits him when he realizes, dear lord, he IS attracted to Fenton beyond affection. 

It hits me more than a mutual pining because there I KNOW they will get together. But here? While writing with Moonie? I DIDN’T KNOW! I was worried in the end we’d have to write another fic to finally reach that step. Scrooge is stubborn and does what he wants, let me tell ya.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 'Fallen Hard’, ‘Season of Miracles’, ‘Going with the Flow’, pretty much anything that isn’t complete. BUT, not posted, I really want to get back to more of the stories planned in the McCrack series. It was a ship I kinda made from the ground up, with nobody caring about it in the beginning. So it feels very important to see that series through.

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on:

... Actually, I can share something from 'Donald’s Party (Working Title)’. @swampy-tiefling and I started. Just the first scene to get you guys hooked.

Donald took a deep breath of air from the doorway of the house and sighed, once again pleased to find himself at his home away from home. Traveling the seas and exploring the world with the navy were its own rewards, he supposed, but there would never be anything quite like the countryside-- the middle aged mallard having practically been raised on Grandma Duck’s farm. Donald Duck was happy to be on shore-- his naval carrier being docked for the week in Duckburg as they replenished supplies and took care of whatever repairs that were needed. Whatever excuse his bosses wanted to use were fine by him, he was just happy to not be scrubbing decks for a change!

That didn’t, however, mean he was able to rest and relax-- as the duck was startled out of his thoughts as somebody bumped into him. That somebody was his grandmother as she came to, just having caught her plate of cookies before they fell.

“My land, Donald! What in the world are you doing hiding here when you should be meetin’ and greetin’ the guests?”

Donald ignored the woman’s soft glare as he waved her off, using his other hand to steal a cookie in the process. Stuffing it in his mouth, he murmured out a response.

“Phooey, they’re just relatives.”

“Even more of a reason to go out and talk to them.” Before the sailor could argue, Grandma Duck placed the plate of treats into his hands. “And put these out on the snack table while you’re at it. Poor Fethry is looking peckish.”

Donald rolled his eyes, but otherwise did as he was told. Wasn’t it just like life to make him work at his own welcome home party? Walking towards the open yard where the party was taking place, it didn’t take long to reach the table, where his cousins were already gathered around as they chat.

This instantly caught the attention of the lankier duck, his gaze zoning in as he smiled widely towards Donald in greeting.

“Well if it ain’t the guest of honor, with snacks to boot!” Fethry leaned closer, his red hat wobbling with him as he continued to inquire. “Say, cuz, ya wouldn’t happen to know if these are gluten free, would ya?”

Donald gave him an unimpressed look. 

“You’re not going on another crazy diet, are ya?” Though, in all honesty, he was more worried his looney cousin might try to drag him along-- and after months of eating nothing but mush, he would NOT miss out on his first chance to pig out on actual home cooked meals.

"Not crazy at all, actually!" Fethry grinned that goofy grin. "See, it's all right here; Gluten Free; It's the Way to Be' !" he shoved a rather lengthy-looking hard cover book in Donald's face. Donald had no choice but to stare at it, the words all blurring together from its close proximity to his eyes. The offending object remained there for only a second, however, before it was yanked back, the nutty mallard already busy flipping through it.

"Let's see, here, there's a fascinating chapter I think you should-- Don?"

Phew, that had been close. Donald was still in sneaking away mode, and jumped and yelped when he was tapped on the shoulder. Oh no. He'd been caught, after all. He slowly turned, with a forced, toothy grin, to face his fate.

A wave of relief washed over him when he saw his girlfriend, Daisy, smiling sweetly at him, instead.

“And where do you think you’re sneaking off to, Mister? You’ve been gone for so long, and here we are, with you haven’t even given me a kiss ‘hello’ yet.” 

Now there was something Donald didn’t mind doing, as his girlfriend leaned in her face for her reward. Wrapping his arms around her, he planted the biggest of smooches to her temple. 

“Gaww, I’m sorry Daisy. I really did miss you.”

This earned him a soft smile, as it was Daisy’s turn to kiss him on the forehead.

“And I missed you, hun. Now, tell me… why WERE you sneaking around?”

“Grandma put me on entertainment duty.”

“Well, “ his girlfriend began, “it IS your party, after all. They came to see you, seems fair to me.” This made the sailor groan as she looked at him unsympathetically. Rolling her eyes, the reporter sarcastically patted her boyfriend in comfort. “There there. Now don’t go sneaking off for real, the boys will be arriving soon. And Grandma tells me Uncle Scrooge will be bringing along a special guest.”

“Special guest?” Donald asked incredulously. “Like who?” This caused Daisy’s eyes to glimmer all the more in mischief, a look that told him that she knew something he didn’t know. And that something was big news, if he was reading her right.

“Oh, nobody TOO special, I suppose,” Daisy was stalling, and it was driving Donald up the wall. The duck woman continued her teasing. “Nobody except your uncle’s new date friend.”

"Date friend?" Donald practically exclaimed, prompting Daisy's grin to grow all the more smug.

"Yep! You've missed quite a bit since you've been away, you know."

"No kidding...well I'll be..." Donald was shaking his head, but he was smiling. Uncle Scrooge, dating, at his age... it was nothing short of a miracle. It was about time, too!

"Meanwhile, why don't you go say hi to the rest of the guests? I know it's hard..." she rolled her eyes. "but at least make an effort, okay? Thanks, hun!"

Donald's heart fluttered as she smooched his cheek, and left. He glanced out over the yard, and saw quite a few familiar faces; Gus, Ludwig, Gladstone... heck, even Gyro Gearloose had shown up!

He sighed, but this one wasn't a sigh of pure despair. It did feel nice to be home, surrounded by people who most likely cared, and his nephews were even going to show up soon. Not to mention, he'd get to tease his uncle for finally taking his advice on the whole dating thing. 

That alone gave Donald the pep in his step he needed as he threw himself back into the party-- where he knew his crazed family would be waiting for him. 

[returnn-of-the-mac]

I love the way you write the companions! Especially X6! Companions react to Sole giving them nicknames based on pre-war movies?

Thank you! X6 is one of my favorite characters to write (along with Ada and Danse)! Sorry this took so long, there were a few characters I struggled with (looking @u gage & preston). Also, again, I usually write a silent Sole, but I couldn’t for this one, obviously. Please enjoy!😄

Fo4 Companions React: Sole Giving Them Pre-War Movie Nicknames

Strong:

Strong and Sole where walking around Sanctuary when the super mutant heard rustling in the bushes.

“COME OUT, PUNY RADROACH! STRONG SMASH YOU INTO THE GROUND!”

Sole smirked, “Easy there, Hulk. It’s just Dogmeat.”

Strong scratched his head, “Who Hulk? He a Radroach?”

Danse:

Sole was in Danse’s quarters as the Paladin was trying on some new patriotic power armor he had designed. He stepped out in his red, white, and blue mechanical suit and twisted around a bit to show Sole.

“What do you think,” He asked, “Is it too much?”

Sole giggled, “You kinda look like Optimus Prime.”

“You mean Liberty Prime?”

“Nope. I mean Optimus Prime. He’s a Cybertronian from a pre-war movie called Transformers.” Sole explained.

“Cybertron? Is that like a synth,” Danse scoffed, “Cuz I’d be damned if I looked like a synth.”

“Well, no. Cybertron is the planet they’re from. It’s complicated, but it’s basically a fictional species of robots that can transform from ordinary objects. Like cars.”

A confused Danse gave his companion an acknowledging nod, “Ah, okay. That actually sounds pretty interesting. Maybe the Brotherhood could start crafting armor based off of these ...uh...’Cybertronians.’ You’re going to have to show me sometime, soldier.”

Nick:

“Hmm...” Nick pondered, looking over his latest case, “This Marowski fellow seems to be up to no good, yet again. His chem lab is more secure this time too...I’m thinking we’re going to have to tinker around with some scrap and invent a device to break into there undetected.”

“And what do you suggest we create, Inspector Gadget?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Ha ha. Very funny. I happen to who that is, you know.”

MacCready:

MacCready and Sole where camping out at Outpost Zimonja for the night, lying under the stars, next to a campfire.

“You know what stinks,” Macready began, “Being an adult. So much is expected of you, and all the other adults are all just a buncha bullies.”

Sole gazed at their companion and he continued, “I swear, the kids at Little Lamplight were more mature than at least half the mungos in the Commonwealth. I wish I’d never had grown up...I wish I could’ve stayed a kid forever.”

“Okay, Peter Pan,” Sole laughed, “Growing up is a part of life. Everyone goes through it. Society wouldn’t thrive if people didn’t get older.”

MacCready was still caught up on the first part of Sole’s statement. “Peter...who? Who’s that?”

“Peter Pan. He was a mythical boy who never grew up, and he lead a group called The Lost Boys in Neverland. They’d go on adventures and stuff. It was a story that got adapted into a popular pre-war movie,” Sole explained.

MacCready was captivated by the description. “That seems...awesome, actually! Can you tell me more about it?”

Ada:

Sole and Ada were trekking through the wilderness just beyond the glowing sea when a RadStrorm hit. Adamant about making it to their destination, Sole continued to their journey, despite the wind, rain, and rads.

“[Sir/Ma’am],” Ada beckoned, “Being that I am non-organic, these rads don’t have an effect on me. You, however, might get sick if we continue.”

Sole ignored Ada and continued to press forward. Ada tried again.

“[Sir/Ma’am]? It is highly likely that you will not be able to successfully complete your mission if you were to fall ill.”

Sole, once again, ignored their companion and continued forward. Ada, ardent about keeping her companion healthy, tried a third time.

“[Sir/Ma’am]? I believe I saw an abandoned barn a few miles back. We could camp there for the night.”

Sole stopped and gave Ada a stern look. “C-3PO. Please. Be quiet for just a minute. I can’t even hear myself think.”

Ada beeped a few times. “I am unfamiliar who this model C-3-P-O is. My model number A-D-4.”

Piper:

“Okay, look. I think we’re really gonna get him this time, Blue,” Piper began, peeking through her binoculars at an unsuspecting Mayor McDonough, “Oh! Oh! Look! He put the toilet paper on the holder flap-side-up. Mm-hmm. Definitely a synth.”

Sole raised an eyebrow, “And what’s your master plan here? We gonna break in there and catch him in the act of changing his toilet paper, Lucy Stevens? Kinda not a good look.”

Piper cocked her head to the side, “Lucy...Stevens? Who’s that?”

Sole giggled, “She’s a reporter from one of my favorite pre-war movies.”

Piper smirked, “And what movie would that be?”

“Detective Pikachu.”

Gage:

Sole and Gage were building a raider base when suddenly Gage stopped hammering.

“Hey, got any more nails over there? Can’t see for shit with this eyepatch.”

Sole rolled their eyes and handed the raider the container of nails, “Why don’t you just take it off then? I know you have a fully-functional eyeball under there.”

“Yeah but it’s part of the image.”

“Alright, One-eyed Willie.”

“The fuck is that?” Gage asked, “You pickin on me, boss?”

Hancock:

Hancock and Sole were hanging out in Hancock’s quarters listening to the radio, taking hits of jet, and drinking whiskey.

“This is niice,” Hancock mused, taking a long hit of jet, “Sometimes ya need a break from running the city, yanno?”

Sole nodded.

Suddenly, the song changed and Hancock grunted. “I hate this one. It kills the vibe in here.”

As he got up to change the station, drink in hand, a random Goodneighbor resident barreled into the room, nearly knocking the mayor over.

“Woah, friend, I’ve got a beverage here.” It was then the ghoul noticed he had spilled his drink all over himself and the rug. “Ah, come on, brother. That was a new rug.”

“Easy there, Lebowski,” Sole consoled, standing up and putting a hand on their companion’s shoulder, “Whiskey shouldn’t be too difficult to clean off a rug.”

“Sorry Hancock,” the resident apologized, “But your friend here is right. I mean it is practically water.”

Cait:

Cait and Sole were crouched behind a stack of boxes, fully prepared to ambush a group of raiders who were holding an innocent settler hostage.

“Can’t wait to use this new machete ye gave me,” Cait gushed, excitedly studying the weapon, “Never have had the chance to use one of these before.”

Sole smiled.

“Ready darlin?”

“Ready.”

The pair sprung out from their hiding spot and began their onslaught. Sole took cover behind an old desk, shooting at the raiders with ease and Cait decapitated them with her machete.

“I’m just gettin warmed up, ye clowns!”

The redhead suddenly ran up a side wall and did a flip, slicing two raiders heads off at the same time. Sole lowered their weapon and watched in awe as their partner singlehandedly decimated the raiders with her melee weapon. When the last raider was taken out, Cait took a little bow.

“Damn, Uma Thurman! Leave some for me next time,” Sole joked.

“Couldn’t help it. This machete is way too much fun.”

Deacon:

Deacon and Sole were hiding in an air vent, preparing to take out some synths as asked by Drummer Boy, when Deacon started fumbling around.

“What are you doing?” Sole whispered harshly, annoyed by their partner’s commotion.

“I’m due for an image change,” Deacon answered matter-of-factly, taking his shirt off, “I’ve been in my Elvis Presley Wannabe disguise for two hours now.”

Sole clenched their teeth in frustration.

“What do you think I should go for? The intelligent Bald Doc or intimidating Street Punk?”

“How about the bumbling Austin Powers?”

Deacon chuckled, “Yeah bAbY! I’m flattered you would even suggest that. Such a cool character.”

Sole rolled their eyes as Deacon began to dress as the iconic British spy.

Curie:

Curie and Sole were walking along the coast of Salem when the synth suddenly stopped. Sole turned around, concerned.

“You okay, Curie?”

The synth looked at Sole and smiled. “Oui. I was just thinking...thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to exist in human form.”

“No problem! I’m just glad you’re happy.”

Curie nodded, “It’s not like I wasn’t happy being in my old body it’s just...I can do so much more now in this new body. Do field work, collaborate, share my findings and be taken seriously. That and...this body is very flattering. Much more attractive than metal and bolts.”

Sole laughed, “Hey, I thought your EVE form was adorable.”

“Eve? Who is that?”

“She was a character— a robot— from a pre-war movie called WALL-E.”

“I see...well, that is very interesting, [Madame/Monsieur]!”

Longfellow:

“Damn snow. I hate the North. Move me to the tropics,” Longfellow complained as he and Sole walked through a light snow flurry.

“It’s not even that bad,” Sole reassured, “Besides, what would Christmas be without snow?”

“I don’t care about Christmas. Got no family to celebrate it with anyway.”

“Oh come on, Scrooge,” Sole teased, “We can celebrate Christmas together if you want.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I am old Ebenezer. Bah humbug,” Longfellow grumpily muttered, taking a shot of whiskey.

X6-88:

X6 and Sole were on a mission tag a synth with a tracking beacon when Sole suddenly stopped.

“Is something wrong, [sir/ma’am]?” the synth asked, concerned.

“No it’s just...what would you look like without your glasses? I’ve never seen you take them off. Do you even have eyes under there?”

X6 nodded, “Of course I have eyes. The glasses make me look slick. More professional, if you will.”

“You look like Morpheus from The Matrix.”

“And he was an influential individual, was he not?”

Sole remained silent.

“Case in point, [sir/ma’am].”

Preston:

Sole had just returned to Sanctuary after a lengthy fight with some gunners with Preston beckoned to them.

“Another settlement needs our help,” he began, “The settlers at Nordhagen beach are complaining about a wobbly chair and—“

Sole raised their hand in the air, “Do it yourself, Fix-it-Felix,” they mumbled before retreating to their room for a nap.

Codsworth:

Sole and Codsworth were in their old house, assembling furniture and reminiscing about the past.

“This was such a happy home before the bombs dropped. I wish we could go back to it, [sir/mum].”

Sole nodded in agreement as they discovered old photographs in cracked frames. Codsworth hovered over to examine Sole’s finding.

“Ah! That photograph! That was the first day you adopted me,” the robot gushed, “I’m so glad you chose the name Codsworth and not any of the absurd names the [hubby/wife] was suggesting.”

Sole laughed, “But Codsworth was their idea! I was going to name you BB-8.”

“Seriously? Why? Just because I’m round and I’m a robot?”

“Exactly!”

Codsworth huffed in annoyance and floated away from an amused Sole.

[pwnyta]

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon...  but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

--

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: Tenderly Touched by the Massively Muscled

For our next AMA, @sandmancircus, @peregr1ne & @sojustifiable (Amanda on Discord) stopped by to chat about their Resbang, Tenderly Touched by the Massively Muscled! Here’s some of what went down:

*Please be advised that this AMA contains spoilers!*

Q:  What inspired the title? :D

Sand: I wanted something touching and relatable.

Q: Which was the hardest scene for you to write, do you think?

Sand: The last battle scene was hard, just coordinating everything and getting it down so it was smooth.

Peregrine: You did so good, it was a whole lot of characters to keep track of.

Q: Artist-chan/kuns, what made you pick the scenes you chose to art for?

Amanda: Ahh, I guess it was just things where the image stuck out and I felt like I needed to see it. With Eruka's tantrum scene, I also thought it would fit well with the style I wanted to use, with lots of swirly swirls and dramatic colors.

Peregrine: Well, for my first I wanted to do like a good intro iconic scene, so their first meeting was a good choice to set the stage and such. For the other two, I just wanted to do cool group shots because I wanted to draw all the characters but not 10 different pictures. Especially the last picture, I just really like drawing like… ‘epic’ scenes.

Q: Sand, what was your writing process like?

Sand: Uh, for this Resbang I mostly wrote in chronological order, which is unusual for me. When I had time, I just sat down and stared at the screen until something came out. I also kept a joke doc for jokes I wanted to use.

Q: Speaking of jokes, can you explain dog farting all the time?

Sand: Farts are funny.

Q: LOL. Do you have any funny/iconic comments that betas or artists left that you want to share?

Sand: Kat kept getting mad every time a penis happened. A bunch of "I’m too ace for this."

Amanda: Same.

Sand: Also the pinching of the clover got a bunch of yells.

Q: What was the inspo behind the pomegranates?

Sand: The pomegranates were just a throwback to the original myth.

Q: How did you come up with Soul's role in your fic? I thought it was really cool and imaginative.

Sand: I thought it would be funny if Soul was a soul, like Dog is a dog.

Q: What inspired so much peen? Cause like, there's much peen.

Peregrine: Sarah thinks dicks are funny.

Sand: I honestly can’t remember why I chose to write him as a nudist. I just think it’s a nice role reversal having the man be hyper sexualized.

Q: Somewhat related: how was it writing the smexies!!! And will we see more smexies????

Sand: The smexies were very hard to write, would not recommend. Will maybe try again in future.

Q: Also, for the artists -- how long did you spend on each piece?

Amanda: The first piece too a long time cuz I used masking fluid and had to wait a long time for different layers to dry to do details. The other pieces I did more quickly just because of the style. The time taken mostly depends on waiting time which there is less of if you do everything wet.

Peregrine: I don't remember how long I spent on my pieces because I break them up a lot? Usually I'll spend a while doing the rough sketch because I'll move things around and erase the whole thing and start over a lot because if it doesn’t feel dynamic super rough, it's not going to look good when I clean it up. That takes a while to plan out I guess, but it’s also the funnest part because I can draw a lot more freely. I'll usually then leave it for a day to see if it's still solid later and then lineart can take anywhere from 3 hours to like a week depending on how frustrating it is, and then I usually colour in a day (by a day I usually mean like 3 or 4 hours because that’s how much time I’m usually able to spend when I have time to draw). But yeah idk, in general pics usually take me like 3 days unless they're group shots, like 2 of these were, because lineart takes forever.

Q: Were there any scenes that came out way differently than you'd initially planned?

Sand: The whole fic changed as I wrote it tbh, which usually happens with me. I have an original idea of what things will be like, and it gradually shifts and alters to become something new, or at least very different.

Q: Has anyone already asked you what inspired this bad boi???? I remember there was an art.

Sand: Yeah I did art for Freeruka a year and a half ago for Freeruka week which was supposed to be for the prompt "myth". The idea just stuck.

Q: Which was your favorite scene?

Sand: My fave scene was probably the one where Eruka got back talked by Free because of her stalking after she went bananas.

Q: Amanda did you have a fave piece between the three?

Amanda: I think Eruka's tantrum scene was my favorite to do and fave as an end product, though that free style of painting in general is really fun.

Sand: That was also the piece that we got to see Free's booty.

Peregrine: It was an interesting challenge for us artists to draw for this fic trying to position the characters so we wouldn’t have to draw a dick.

Sand: Amanda threatened to leave if I described her art as sezual.

Peregrine: But yeah, it was very deliberate for every piece like 'alright how do I draw this scene without Little Free?'

Q: Where did your inspo for Jackson come from???????

Sand: I needed a sassy side character, and he just kinda grew into something super fun to write. And it’s very hard to write a character without arms, so I gave him arms.

Q: How did you come up with the mythos? It was a neat spin. I liked that the positions got filled when someone dies.

Sand: Well, I needed a reason to call Eruka ‘Eruka’ and not ‘Hades,’ so it turned out to be more of a title, which led to "oh, well then could someone else be hades," and it kinda grew and grew from there.

Q: Kinda in love with Maka as new Zeus, not gonna lie.

Sand: That was actually Pere's addition.

Peregrine: I based Maka's outfit off one of the ones from the Wonder Woman movie that’s Zeusy and she was part of Zeus's crew and after Zeus died the position was open so I suggested it to Sarah because I thought it would give some good closure - and also Maka as Zeus would be super badass.

Q: Was there a scene that was really surprisingly easy to write?

Sand: The opening scene was really easy to write, surprisingly. It kinda all just flowed out really well and really easily.

Q: What drew/draws you to Freeruka?

Sand: I love Eruka, I like that she's sassy and that she's a morally grey character and that she's a complete coward, and I love her dynamic with Free. He's this big macho guy who is incredibly loyal and also a bit of a klutz and is a fucking WEREWOLF (heyo!) and they just mesh really well in this weird way that I adore. Witches are cool, wolves are cool, smoosh them together please.

Q: Is there anything you wish you could've done differently?

Sand: I think I would've liked to give them more time to get to know each other before everything goes down - at least a few months, just to make their connection more believable. But time, man.

Q: Pere did you have a favorite piece??

Peregrine: I think I like how the first pic came out the best. It's a nice standalone. But the last battle scene was the funnest to do because I just like drawing action poses and snarls the best.

Q: What are you working on next?

Sand: Nothing so far.

Peregrine: Uhhh Reverb I guess? Right now I'm doing a commission tho.

Q: For Peregrine: Do you feel like you grew in your art skills through this bang? If so, how?

Peregrine: Uhhh not really? I think I grow in my skills by doing experimental pieces but I don't do experimental stuff when it's like for someone else, I do that on my own time. The stuff I did for this was the kind of stuff I just always do.

Q: Doing Resbang next year Sarah????    

Sand: Unfortunately, I probably will be suffering again, yes.

[a chorus of cheers]

---

Thanks to the team for stopping by! More transcripts coming soon!

[simptasia]

Doctor x River?

thanks buddy!

Who is the most affectionate?

River is pretty handsy (11 can touchy too and 12 is far less touchy. however, they did spent 24 years together so... oh boy)

Big spoon/Little spoon?

holy shit i just thought about it and 11 & 12 are sooooo little spoons

as such, river is the big spoon

Most common argument?

“rivaaaah that kills people!!”

river is not as moral as the doctor likes himself to be

Favorite non-sexual activity?

wild and wacky adventures thru space & time!!

Who is most likely to carry the other?

i doubt river actually has the strength but i just pictured her carrying 12 bridal style (but really tho, the doctor, cuz we’ve already seen him carry people)

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

ah now river may be a flirty mcflirty lady but when ur partner has 13+ bodies and faces, well, i guessing features don’t matter that much to her (basically the doctor can look like anything and river is like “i can work with this”)

and we know the doctor isn’t a feature person... timelords, ya know... however. i’m thinking... hair, eyes, arse? if he had to pick (not that he’d ever say that last word). but now that i think about it: the doctor and river have a relationship wherein looks hardly matter at all. because of the whole timelord thing

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

“oh god i’m in love with the man i’m supposed to kill”

“oh no i’m not supposed to fall in love with companions :(((” (cuz it hurts so much. but a lot of their relationship is the doctor like ?????)

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

river called 10 “pretty boy”, i presume because she’s not used to him looking like that. this is a tad funny in hindsight because after 10 they cast a real young guy as the 11, whom fits that nickname a bit better with the baby-ish face. she later on referred to 11 as “benjamin” (as in she’s mrs. robinson) cuz she had just regen’d into a mature body which contrasts 11′s “face like a 12 year old”

11 referred to river as “mrs. robinson” cuz she’s sexy and mature and also he was kinda messing with his companions with the nicknames

i can’t remember any others

Who worries the most?

oh, the doctor. he’s in love with somebody whose death he’s seen and knows is coming soon. it is sad and worrisome 

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

they both remember everything about each other. knowing the doctor, he’d do something silly like order five plates of river’s fave meal. or something grand like get river the best seat at a great restaurant which he caused the existence of

oh wait that happened :3c

Who tops?

OH, oh ho ho hehoooo~

river tops more than the doctor does (no matter the regeneration) 

Who initiates kisses?

from what we’ve seen, river mostly

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

awwhh, the doctor

Who kisses the hardest?

RIVER OH BOY

Who wakes up first?

doctor as per the whole “timelords sleep less” thing

and yes i know river is part timelord but the way it happened really makes her more like a bio-augmented human being (basically human+)

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

river. tho they’re both energetic restless beings, the doctor is even more so. river wants the doctor to stay in bed a little longer for some heavy kissing, while the doctor is sitting in the corner sonic-ing some alien doo-dad. whilst naked

don’t worry, he’ll be back. give him 5 more minutes. maybe half an hour

Who says I love you first?

ohh i know for a fact there was an “i love you” or something like it in the show. it must have been river, because the doctor doesn’t directly say that (romantically)

but they’ve both made their love obvious over and over and over again

Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

the doctor packs river lunches.  in an attempt at being domestic and human-y wuman-y for kicks and science and because he thinks river would like that

river finds it all very sweet and amusing, because the doctor trying to be a husband is endearing. and river never had a stereotypically normal life

“humans like cabbages, right?”

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

oh we saw amy and rory find out, bit by bit

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

amy and rory they don’t seem bothered by it, like at the worst they’re confused and awkward. i mean you’ve been hanging out with guy for some years, and then there’s also a lady. you then find out this lady is ur daughter

and then they get married right in front of you

so it’s weird, at least. but they don’t disapprove (amy is far more weirded out by the fact that she’s the doctor’s mother-in-law)

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

THE DOCTOR IS A DANCEY BOY!!! (SOON TO BE GIRL)

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

the doctor’s cooking skills vary from time to time (he’s a very inconsistent character. he can be both awesome and sucky at whatever he does)

river i think cannot cook At All (she’s never in her life had to)

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

okay river is canonically full of cheesy flirty one-liners

and the doctor is like “haha am i doing this right?” kinda flirting

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

RIVER RIVER RIVAAAAAH

she takes vixen-y joy in making the doctor flustered & blushy

Who needs more assurance?

the doctor, i think (that’s one of the things companions are for, really?)

What would be their theme song?

im sorry i haven’t got a song for them

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

;_;

doctor... oh the doctor was a dad once.. with his Dad Skills. oh and river has computer children in that computer world she lives in. but if THEY had kids...

they both seem more the type to tell their kids stories together before bedtime

(tho i’m thinking the doc would sometimes telepathically make a kid go sleep. 12 has done that in canon. not sure if he’d do that with HIS kids...)

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

the doctor: shenanigans, the stuff we see on doctor who

river: archeology, crimes, shenanigans

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart:

oh i don’t need headcanons for them to break my heart

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it:

again, no, the canon fact that they get 24 years together before river eventually has to die, is a beautiful happy ending and makes me cry with joy

(i pretty much reacted like river did when the doctor told her)

[mylightsatnight]

Mirrors (story)

*tick*

*Tick*

A broken chime, hitting only one side of the proverbial clock.

Counting seconds like candles check for air.

Breathing as the oceans rise to the might of the sky.

*Walter.  What are you thinking?*

“that river fish dont deserve to be caught by bears.  Could you imagine being scooped out of the safety of your home to be eaten within milliseconds?  Like thats batshit crazy!”

Walter heard tension in his therapists stance.  The pencil had far too much pressure on its stiff yellow membrane.  He drew a breath and asked again.

“I meant, what are you thinking about your past?  You say your mind is always there, so which part are you in currently?”

A subtle smug grin emerged from corners of his antique mouth,  sly was the best word to describe pricks like this walter thought.

“yeah lemme just spill the beans on all my trauma ive lived through.”

“Well it would help to start somewhere.” “See maybe it would, or maybe, it would make my shit so much worse.” “Sometimes it gets worse before better.” “Sometimes you should swallow a whole power drill.” Walter muttered.

“What was that son?” “Nothing Daughter.” Walter cracked a simple smile.  It was the only joke, frankly the only connection he had with this therapist at all.  

The therapist tried to capitalize on the humorous moment. “haha, oh yes, im the most ladylike of all the shrinks in the world.  Did i tell you i traveled to conneticut for a womens conference?” Walter slightly intrigued rose his head and said, “really?” “No, not at all.  Thats how annoying it is, when you do it.” Now he was fully grinning, surprised at the excess amount of joy he felt from getting roasted by a professional. “If you keep doing shit like that doc, ill report you.” “to who?” he replied. “I dunno the funny police, cuz you havent landed a solid line in about 6 decades.” “5.” “right, 5.” “I know prying you will never work, so ill ask you one question.  Do you like mirrors?” “...mirrors?” “Yes.” ���Hell no!!  Have you seen them?  I mean no one can see them, but they just stare back at you, and it never changes, it doesnt get happier or sadder unless you do.  Its a bullshit paradigm doc.  Like, ok imagine if I ordered coffee but we just kept repeating Venti Black, back and forth forever.  Why would anyone bother?” “mhmm?” “Yeah, so like, it makes you see somethin thats not there,

with an expression thats no more real than your own, and youre just expected to smile at your reflection and keep going, like screw that!!  I got arrested one time for that.” “Well thats no grounds for an arrest.” “No no, it wasnt but punching the guard was.

Anyhow, i dont like lookin at mirrors i flip off every one that i see.” “Why?” “Cuz no one else ever curses me out, or tells me im being shitty, so its on me to do it myself.  When youve always been the golden boy you really just like, yearn for someone to do that to you...Honestly im glad that you do.” Walter sat fully upright lookin at his therapist. “So like...I think im just, worried.  Or concerned?  Maybe i have crippling anxiety, that someone will think im too perfect, and ill have to break that.” “See Walter...The thing about life, is everyone out there actually looks for perfection,  youre one of the only ones to look for the imperfect, and chase it.

Hold onto that.” The clock chimed a single Tick,  and Walter packed and left.  Outside was his girlfriend Samantha.  He walked up to her, straight in the eye and said. “I love you for your crooked nose, terrible underbite, and voracious posture.  If you ever stand up straight ill go running.” She smiled a beam of a million bulbs.  Knowing his session finally went well, and they left for some early morning croissants.

[junker-town]

Tom Brady made a website for his TB Times cartoons, and they’re *maybe* starting to make sense?

The plot thickens.

The dots might not be actually connecting, but they are starting to appear in a pattern that might someday yield a picture.

Yes, folks, that’s right: Tom Brady released another edition of the TB Times yesterday. We missed a week when New England lost to the Dolphins, but on Sunday, the Patriots beat the Steelers thanks to an overruled touchdown and the fact that no one in the National Football League has any idea what a catch is.

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Dec 17, 2017 at 4:24pm PST

I’m still pretty confused, but we are starting to see some common themes and characters within these comics that might eventually make some narrative sense. In the meantime, Brady, his Social Media Guy (S.M.G.), and the artist who draws these cartoons (D.K.), unveiled the website tbtimes.org, because these people seem determined to ruin my life. I’ll have more on that at the end of this post, but let’s analyze this week’s images (yes, there are two!) first.

We have to start with the missed one from the Dolphin’s loss last week:

For the first time ever, Brady, S.M.G. and D.K. released the comic that would’ve run last week had Jay Cutler and the Dolphins not smoked the Patriots in Miami. It once again features fidget spinners, and was slightly different from the one I drew last week at 1 a.m. as an embarrassed Patriots fan.

What do we know from this picture? A few things.

Brady and Croc have tracked down the Dolphins’ fidget spinner ring.

It turns out that Croc’s dreadlocks from the original Dolphins comic were a disguise. I am not sure what the disguise is supposed to be. But he can be seen here removing it after he and Brady wrestle the South Beach Spinners briefcase away from the Dolphin.

They then run to a secret lair, which still seems to be underwater, and open the briefcase.

I laughed at the time, but NESN Patriots reporter Doug Kyed was right when he sent me this text last week, the ramps of the Dolphins stadium really do look like fidget spinners.

Now let’s look at this week’s comic:

This is a riff on the movie Zoolander. Ben Stiller, AKA Ben Steeler, is doing his signature modeling move “blue steel,” which sort of makes sense in a word association-type way, given that Ben Roethlisberger is the quarterback of the Steelers. Brady says, “Steeler...so hot right now...” which is from this scene:

The turtle is back from the first Dolphins comic, but the grouper with pink hair isn’t. So is the Narwhal, who first rescued Brady in the comic that ran after the game against the Bucs, when he killed pirate skeletons with lasers.

Speaking of lasers, the plans inside the Dolphins’ briefcase appear to be for some sort of giant, inter-galactic laser.

Oh my god, do you think that because I’ve been imagining that the social media room underneath a TB12 workout facility looks like a lair, they drew a lair?

Sorry, I know this isn’t about me.

Is that guy wearing a lab coat by the picture of Ben Steeler Gronk?

Yes, because in the comic after the Houston win, Gronk showed up wearing that same lab coat. He’s also wearing glasses and says, “the computer data is telling me...”

Get it? It’s funny because Gronk is not generally seen as a rocket scientist. They were in space then. Now they’re underwater. Or possibly underground.

Bill Hader is back from the Bills comic. So is Billy Crystal, who appears on the front page of the TB Times that Hader is reading.

Hader is still wearing the outfit that I couldn’t place based on researching his IMDB catalogue.

The finger game (where you’re allowed to punch your friends if you get them to look at your hand as you do the A-OK symbol) appears again. It first showed up in the comic that ran after the Bills game. This time, you can see Billy Crystal’s hand doing that sign on the back of the TB Times.

QUESTIONS, THOUGHTS, A DESCENT INTO MADNESS

I’m still having trouble figuring out how the Jets, Broncos, Chargers, Saints, and Atlanta comics play into all this.

Who is Croc?

What is Croc?

Why is Croc?

Why is the TB Times team taking all these dude actors from bro movies when I was in high school and putting them into comics? We’ve got Chuck Norris in here, too. These read like Millennial fan fic from 2007.

When I lived in Boston in 2014, I noticed all the guys in their early 20s had lines from Wedding Crashers, Zoolander, Old School, etc. in their Tinder profiles. I wrote an article about it. Maybe that’s relevant here. Maybe it isn’t.

Why are we sometimes in space and sometimes underwater?

And why, in the underwater lair, is there a football with planetary rings around it?

Interesting theory from Twitter, c/o Robbie Vogel: “The alligator steals the top secret docs from the Dolphins and we find out they’re in possession of Steelers-themed military schematics - are we to assume this means the Dolphins know how to beat the steelers? Cuz it kinda makes sense, the last two times the Steelers and fins played (last year and 2013) the fish won.”

Will the show from the Bills comic, Bill’s Got Talent, come back?

Is the key that Croc was holding the key to winning the Super Bowl?

Are answers to this whole thing contingent on the Pats winning the Super Bowl?

If it is, and the Patriots don’t, and we never get answers, will I die?

TBTIMES.ORG

The plot thickens. Usually these comics just get posted to Instagram and Facebook, but on Sunday, Tom Brady, S.M.G., and D.K. unveiled an entire website devoted to it. It’s TBTimes.org, so I guess it’s a non-profit? There’s not much here yet, but let’s dive in anyway.

When you go to the site, ominous music plays. Then all the characters from previous comics appear. We’ve got Brady as a centaur from the Broncos comic. We also have the Jets’ hot tub salesman, the Falcons’ falcon, the Panthers’ cat, the Rams’ ram, the turtle, Gronk with his lab coat on after the Buffalo game...

WAIT. OH MY GOD. I’M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE GRONK WAS IN A LAB COAT LAST YEAR. Not only does he appear in the Houston comic, and now the Steelers comic, wearing his coat, he was wearing it in the comic that ran after the Patriots beat the Bills in 2016!!!!

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Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, October 30, 2016

The TB Times might be more calculated than I realized. When I started analyzing these a few weeks ago, I hypothesized that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady had no idea what they were doing. I thought there was a good chance this started as a way to mess with indoctrinated Patriots fans who never question anything Tom Brady, prince and savior, does. I wondered if they’ve found themselves in slightly too deep, now that so many people (myself included) are so invested.

But maybe this has actually been planned out for two years.

Anyway, the rest of the gang is on tbtimes.org, too, but there’s a new guy — Peter Pan (or a leprechaun? I can’t tell) ripping his shirt open. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen him yet. He hasn’t been in any comics last year or this year. The closest thing we’ve got to Peter Pan is Brady walking the plank when the narwhal saves him.

When you click on the button in the upper left-hand corner that looks like the logo on a Lacoste polo, the Croc changes (if it turns out that this is all just a way of announcing a that Lacoste is Brady’s new sponsor, I will riot in the streets of Foxboro).

First, Croc changes into his fidget spinner disguise:

Then he becomes a slow cooker, briefly, (hah, get it? Croc Pot? *walks slowly into the ocean*):

Then he lets out a mighty roar:

If you click on the Panther (which someone on Twitter called “a fat cat” in a message to me, and which I can’t stop laughing about), this pops up:

It’s the version of the TB Times that would’ve come out on October 1, had the Patriots not lost to the Panthers. It’s actually fairly disgusting, and also might be my favorite edition yet.

In this comic, the Panther eats Tom Brady. Brady not only has a huge cell phone with him as he sits in the cat’s stomach, but also gets reception in there, so he’s able to call previous Patriots player Vince Wilfork. Vince is wearing the RIBS hat he wears in the commercial he did for Kingston Charcoal commercial (fun fact: I love Vince and that hat so much that I bought one from the Kingston website, I’m wearing it as I write this).

Vince then feeds the panther so many ribs that the Panther forms a hairball in his stomach and throws up Tom Brady so hard that he shoots him into space.

FINALLY! AN ANSWER FOR WHY WE WERE IN SPACE WHEN THEY PLAYED HOUSTON! IT’S ALL STARTING TO COME TOGETHER!!!!!

Wait, except that it isn’t. The Patriots beat the Texans a week before they played the Panthers. The week after this would’ve come out, the Patriots played the Bucs, but that cartoon doesn’t take place in space.

I’m about three paragraphs away from lighting my computer on fire and drop-kicking it out of my window.

But first, check out this cryptic message in the HTML code of the website (yeah, I went there, and yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking, the walls of my apartment are not covered with string and pictures of various species of crocodiles, why do you ask?):

They spell Croc “Krock” in that line of code I’ve highlighted. Maybe Croc is Robert Kraft. Krock. Hmmm...

When you click the console button under the Inspect Element tab, you see this:

It reads:

Hey! Tom Brady here.

Boy, I sure do love playing football. But there’s nothing quite like writing a healthy block of JavaScript.

Anyway, nice to see someone found this site and decided to inspect element.

You won’t find any more secrets here, though...yet.

Go Pats!

Well, damn. This feels like the closest thing to a personalized message I’m going to get. I wonder if they knew I’d inspect element. I doubt Brady wrote this, but it really does read like the gosh-darn-y way he talks.

You better believe that I’ll be checking this religiously as we head into the playoffs.

The fact that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady are releasing previously unseen versions of the comics (from last week’s Dolphins game, and now this) makes me think several things:

Maybe these guys DO know what they’re doing and they need all of the panels in order for the story to come together at the end of the year. So far, characters and narratives just keep reappearing haphazardly, but I have learned to never doubt Tom Brady when he’s trying to execute a plan. It usually works out.

Maybe they were so cocky going into this season that they didn’t think they’d lose a single game and would therefore be able to release these only when they won. Maybe they need this website to ensure all the comics get published.

Alternatively, this could be a very charming version of a midlife crisis. Or perhaps a sign that Tom Brady is starting his own media company once his career playing football is over. If that is true (SB Nation, don’t read this), I would like to know if they’re looking for an editor in chief. Or, hell, even a blogger. I emailed asktombrady@gmail.com to ask about it. I’ve emailed this address before, but I’ve never heard back, so I’m not holding my breath.

On a more serious note, I have to say that I think this is all kind of wonderful. Brady doesn’t have to do any of this, but it’s a fun element to an otherwise pretty garbage NFL season. And not only for Patriots fans — I’ve received a number of emails and tweets saying that people hate New England but love this strange and bizarre story that’s playing out online.

it’s smart, actually, for a QB of a team everyone hates to get a little funky. People might actually want the Patriots to win, if only for this silly reason.

In case you’re worried that the process of figuring out these trippy and frustratingly puzzling pictures is having psychotropic effects on me, don’t be. Here, for proof, is a video I took of myself while I researched the JavaScript of a football player’s fake newspaper’s website and Googled “inter-galactic lasers football”:

Except at the end, instead of turning around and saying, “I need a map,” I just do this:

[dungeonmasterpoisonbite]

Wednesday Friendsday Mission Logs: Goblins in Suburbia

Keeper Representative #298:

Interparty Communication Hub Rules

1-no explicit nsfw content such as overtly explicit text or imagery

2-more rules will be added as the need arises

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens.

🚐Jevans🎷: thats jevans mate

whats up?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: i have a mix CD. Can i bring it?

🚐Jevans🎷: depends

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: on what?

🚐Jevans🎷: whats on it?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: you know. Good music.

-posts link to bass boosted "Down Under" by Men At Work (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC-dS7JmCbY)

🚐Jevans🎷: is there anything else but that song on it?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: absolutely not

🚐Jevans🎷: good

oh oh

El 🐍: do you mean you have twelve to fourteen of the same song on one CD?

🚐Jevans🎷: im pickin you up first sweets

El 🐍: also, um, Mr. Evans? Is it okay to bring food in your car?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: B]

🚐Jevans🎷: so long as theres enough for your driver

El 🐍: okay, well. I'm not sure but my sister ordered Chinese food. She may finish it before you get here, though. Would you like the fortune cookie?

👊Dee Foster thats the best part though el!!!!!

El 🐍: they gave us two... I was thinking he could have mine.

Jev: sure ill polish yer leftovers

👊Dee Foster BUT

fine he can have it -frowny imp emoji-

El 🐍: did....did you want them both?

🚐Jevans🎷: hey dee can have it

i read the docs and dont want her mad at me

👊Dee Foster NO you have it L.O.L.

i was only teasing!!!!

-XD emoji-

🚐Jevans🎷: alright hahahahsdfsdaf

oops

El 🐍: Mr. Evans, would you like any of this ma po tofu?

🚐Jevans🎷: only if yer not eatin eat

its ahrd to eat when im driving with passengers

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: are you texting whilst driving??

El 🐍: are you implying our driver would break the law???

🚐Jevans🎷: hahahaha

👊Dee Foster O.M.G. he better not be!!!!

🚐Jevans🎷: HAHAH

El 🐍: :\

🚐Jevans🎷: absolutely not

speech-to-text mates

Nelherin: that can still be distracting!!

El 🐍: Wow your dictation software must be very advanced to know to capitalize your laughter with emphasis!

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: magic SIRI

El 🐍: oh my gosh, if Mr. Evans has a magic phone, i want one.

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : is it okay with everyone if i photo document our adventures?

🚐Jevans🎷: this is expensive hardware, you gotta work a long time to get it

but all in good time El

and so long as you dont flash in the vehicle sure

El 🐍: I mean, i've got an iPhone, but it isn't magic.

Nelherin, I'm fine with that, as long as you don't make them available publicly online. Last semester one of my students posted a picture of me on Facebook and tagged it "That Weird Nerd" and I thought that was really unkind.

👊Dee Foster WHAT!!!! YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT!!!! WHO WAS IT!!!! WAIT IM IN THE ROOM WITH YOU

El 🐍: It was super unflattering too. :(

👊Dee Foster -three red angry emojis-

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : i won't release them publicly! I think that might get me in trouble with the keepers, hah...

El 🐍: okay, that's fine! If you tag me, please tag me as EL SHRIVER.

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: i have stickers

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : okay!

What kind of stickers?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: stickers for a scrapbook

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : oh i love scrapbooking!

Maybe i could photodocumennt with a scrapbook!

El 🐍: I have stickers for coding my planner! There are different ones for meetings, classes, study sessions, and even a little cup of coffee! I'm coding these missions as "gym" so that Dee thinks I'm exercising.

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: well now she knows

El 🐍: Oh shoot.

🚐Jevans🎷: no one tell el they can delete messages

El 🐍: Oh this isn't a static record of our communications?

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : you just told them by saying that??

jevans; well yeah im the cool driver

and no el its not static

El 🐍: Well. I still think we should be keeping some record of what we do and if I just go back and edit what I say, that's like changing history.

🚐Jevans🎷: you could hop over to Keeper Chat and bug 298

👊Dee Foster HEY!!!! I JUST SAW THAT!!!

🚐Jevans🎷: they could prolly change it for you

👊Dee Foster next time i go to the gym youre going with me el!!!!

El 🐍: oh... oh boy.

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : do you think the keepers would be okay with it if i photo document our adventures?

🚐Jevans🎷: dunno

i mean

i snap all the time

no ones said nothin yet

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : in my experience, if anything... strange shows up in pictures, most people usually assume its just photo editing and sfx makeup, so i don't think there should be a problem? But i don't wanna get in trouble!!

🚐Jevans🎷: i dont think theyd mind

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : okay!! i dont think anyone outside of this group will be seeing most of the pictures, but i wanna be safe just in case!!

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens do you have snapchat

🚐Jevans🎷: yee

note

that statement is a BITCH to get speech-to-text to get properly

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : did you have to spell it out??

🚐Jevans🎷: nah i gotta say it like just right

like if i go too much towards yeah itll get that instead

but yeah doesnt have the right spirit yaknow?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: incredible

avery: so like is this the chat or whatever?

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : yep!!

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: hi miss avery

its me, the green one

avery: am i supposed to talk to you guys

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : if you want to!!

avery: um

hey

who are you

El 🐍: Nice to meet you, Avery! The dossier says you're a student?

Avery: who are any of you

yea i guess

i'm in high shook

school whatever

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: im sweet. Sweet ghoulman. We've met. With the wizard?

👊Dee Foster O.M.G. hello!!!!

avery: oh you're the creepy guy

cool i guess

hi?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: oh, thank you.

El 🐍: ... that isn't very nice. :\

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : why is sweets creepy

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: nelherin you havent met me yet

avery: wait if you're in this chat im gonna have to like. Interact with you

yikes

i guess i'm not very nice

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : uhm, you're free to call me henri instead if you wish

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: miss avery we're on this mission together

avery: just avery's fine dude

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: avery we're on this mission together, you have my condolences

but i made a mix cd so it should be fine

El 🐍: I feel like this is an inappropriate use of the word "mix."

🚐Jevans🎷: shhhhhh

itll be a surprise el

unless avery reads from the start

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : i agree with el...

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: only jevans understands me

🚐Jevans🎷: but i dont think avery has that much interest in seeing what weve talked about

El 🐍: thank you! Henri? May I call you Henri?

🚐Jevans🎷: sweets want my snapchat?

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens can i have your #

yes absolutely

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : you can!

Avery: wait we're allowed to have snap chats?

🚐Jevans🎷: alright buddy ill shoot it at you privately mate

avery: dammnit i deleted mine

🚐Jevans🎷: oops

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: B]

avery: can i curse here

🚐Jevans🎷: what kind of curse????

avery: is that allowed or whatever

like can i say fuck

🚐Jevans🎷: cuz like i know yer a wizard-ankle-biter

oh ye

fucking say fucking fuck as many fucking times as you fucking want

avery: literally the fuck now i have to make a new snapchat

god fucking damnit

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: B O

👊Dee Foster -BO emoji-

🚐Jevans🎷: sweets i read that as bow and thought odd but afreed

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: B0

avery: oh not emojis

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : what's wrong with emojis??

avery: come on y'all are older than me right

👊Dee Foster -frowny imp emoji- WHATS WRONG WITH EMOJIS????

🚐Jevans🎷: that one is slightly less bow

like a quieter bow

soft bow

avery: just childish

🚐Jevans🎷: avery yer like 12 chill

avery: but if you wanna play it that way then be my guest

El 🐍: I read it as B.O. and was hoping I wouldn't be the only odd-smelling person on the trip...

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : but emojis are fun

👊Dee Foster -worried emoji, anguished emoji, frowning emoji-

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: emojis... are timeless

youll be in good company el

🚐Jevans🎷: except for -watch emoji-

avery: bad joke jevans

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : i thought it was funny!!

El 🐍: L O L

👊Dee Foster L.O.L.!!!!

🚐Jevans🎷: eeeeeeeeeh henri can sit in the front

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : yay!! :D

avery: can i bring my headphones to wherever we're going

🚐Jevans🎷: -another different watch emoji-

sure mate

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens is great

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : jevans, will you be picking anyone up soon??

🚐Jevans🎷: OH SHIT

right yeah

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : ...

🚐Jevans🎷: ill be-CALCULATING

fuckin gps

avery: who're you getting first

🚐Jevans🎷: uuuuuuh

right sweets

okay sweets im gonna be like swinging by you gotta hop in through the window

not comin to a full stop either you gotta just jump in

El 🐍: WHAT???

avery: UM WHAT

LIKE FOR ALL OF US

👊Dee Foster CAN I DO THAT TOO!!!!!

Avery: wait a fcking second im a fucking vampire

never fucking mind my caps lock

El 🐍: DON'T ENCOURAGE DEE TO DO THAT

👊Dee Foster -flexing arm emoji followed by mischievious imp emoji-

🚐Jevans🎷: nah only sweets

if i run sweets over hell be okay

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: thanks

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : uhm....

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: im flexible. Roll down the passenger window

👊Dee Foster IM NOT GETTING IN THE CAR UNLESS ITS THAT WAY

🚐Jevans🎷: didnt you guys get the psych profiles and background check documentaion?

Avery: the what

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : no??

dee, you might get hurt

El 🐍: I read them all very thoroughly

avery: will there be a test on that

El 🐍: Don't worry! I have an annotated copy!

Avery: or um anything actually

oh. gee. How exciting. Thanks

El 🐍: Will there be a test?? : D

👊Dee Foster O.M.G. I WANT TO THOUGH

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : i'm a little bit scared...

🚐Jevans🎷: okay sweets

like five minutes

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens just snapchatted me a picture of a rolled down suv window

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : does your car accomidate tall people??

El 🐍: not a concern for us! : D

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : it is for me

El 🐍: Yes, I know.

Avery: how tall

like 6'0"?

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : exactly

avery: whatever i'm like 5'6"

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : ... am i the tallest one??

🚐Jevans🎷: okay one down

okay

henri youre next

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: i landed a little bit on the stick. Its fine i dont bruise

🚐Jevans🎷: ill stop properly

SNERK

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : okay!!

El 🐍: Are the doors locked?

🚐Jevans🎷: not when I stop

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : this music is... strange

El 🐍: Oh, man, someone down the street has a really intense subwoofer situation.

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: thanks

👊Dee Foster I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO JUMP IN!!!!!!

avery: what music

are y'all near each other

🚐Jevans🎷: dont worry avery

youre the furthest out

might be a bit before we can get you

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: youll hear it soon miss avery

avery

🚐Jevans🎷: but dee and el, ill be there in a mo

avery: of course i'm the last one. Of fucking course

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: move into town avery

avery: couldn't have gotten me first huh?

El 🐍: Oh okay. Never mind about that subwoofer thing.

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: B]

avery: am i the only one left

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: MADE IT!!!!

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: you'll hear us coming

🔥 Nelherin ⚡ : dee landed on the floor!!

avery: are y'all like in the city city? It's gonna be fucking while before me then

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: we are going very fast though

almost inadvisably fast

🚐Jevans🎷: yeah were looking at like thirty mins or so?

👊Dee Foster avery do you want something from 7/11!!!!

avery: dr pepper

and a honey bun

👊Dee Foster good choices!

🚐Jevans🎷: nvm were gettin you first avery give us five mins

LATER AT THE 7/11

🚐Jevans🎷: i want a six pack of something!

Hey

heeeeeeeeeeey

someone get me something

Sweet Ghoulman 💀: jevens what can i get you

jman

juice

🚐Jevans🎷: nah not juice

like

oh

six redbulls

or something like that

i got twenty bucks