#but i cant not put it in because clearly if i get like this RESEARCHING IT then its pretty fucking important

[mikalame]

hiya!!! could you write a really sweet fic (story) about y/n and Bill getting a huge matching tattoo together and Bill being asked about this tattoo on an interview and he just gets really shy etc (could you make the reader female and a singer) please ?

bye :D

"Are you sure you want to do this meine leibe, this is gonna take a couple hours, and will hurt a bit being where it is" Bill asks, eyes searching your face for any sign you may not feel 100% about this, exspechily because its a tattoo that will be on you forever.

"Yes im sure Bill, I've researched and all plus ill ask for some numbing cream, are you okay bill" You ask thinking that the reason he keeps asking you if your okay is becasue he isn't.

"Of course, i cant wait" he says kissing your cheek giving you tight hug and pushing open the tattoo shop's door.

Time skip

"how are you feeling hun, you in any serious pain" Bill asks eyes scanning over you again looking down at you, eyebrows pinched.

"Im fine Billl" you whine playfulling pushing him away giggling.

You two smile at eachother and walk to your car you look at your forearm and the tattoo placed on it, the phantom pain of it comeig back to you but the pride and meaning of it over powers it.

Time skip again

"SO WELCOME..... TOKIO HOTEL!" the interveiwer yells at the camera, the crowd behind it full on fangirls and boys yell in exsitement waving their banners and posters around hoping to catch one of the band members attention.

As the band walks on the stage single file line they wave at the fans, the majority of them smiling wider and yelling louder, while the crazy super fans faint or start yelling not so innocent things (i dont blame them ahaha)

"Hello we are so happy to be on the show with you today" Bill says taking the mircophone from the interviewer so the audiance could hear them clearly.

"Well im glad, so today we have a couple questions to ask you, if thats all right with you all" She says looking over the band and seeing their nodding heads.

"Okay, great sooo the first question is from.... Marie asking if any of you have any big regrets in you career". She cocks an eyebrow then looks at the band, a smile on her face.

"Oh well uhm probably styling my hair with CANS of hairspray, kinda wish i just wore a wig but oh well" Bill says shrugging passing the mircophone along.

"Oh hahaha, Okay next question" She says smile dropping as she reads the next couple of questions out.

"Oooo okay this one is for Bill , aparently you were seen with ___ going into a tattoo parlor, do you care to show us what you got" she asks smirk stretching on her face.

"Oh, uhm no sorry" Bill says shaking his head in disagreement, but the interviwer just keeps on begging.

After a while it really started to get on him nerves, more so when she brought the audiance in on it as well, but bill just kept on saying no, blushing hinding if face.

The tattoo was very important to bill and he didnt feel like it should be made public like this, exspeachily when it had such a deep meaning for bill and ___.

"Oh, well sorry ladys and gentlemen thats all the time we have today, sorry i coldn't make bill show the new tattoo but mabey next time" she say fake smile still prominent on her face.

As the band walks of the stage fareing their good byes bill mutters under his voice.

"There wont be a 'next time'".

They all groan as they sit down in the tour bus, tom cracking his back as well as gustav. "She was real adamant on getting the tattoo shown" Georg laughs opening a bag of chips sitting down across from the boy.

"Yeah she need to learn to take no for an answer, she must be a real treat in bed" tom laughs sarcastically behind the two.

"mmh" bill agrees putting his headphones in listening to a song ___ and him made when he was staying at her house one of the first times they met thinking about calling her when they head off to check up on her.

SORRY GUYS I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT 😭.

taglist @oppopotamus @violentnewmarley @saumspam @adissonsss

[draco-after-dark]

What were the brothers, Poppy and Viva’s reactions to feral JD?

SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

I got distracted, then forgor, then relized i have to rewrite this whole things because now i'm atcually writing the story and have new ideas/reactions for them

also some of these are gonna be short because spoilers so i guess wait for each brother chapter to get the full picture sorry

Floyd

okay Floyd is the most caring out of all the brothers. cant tell me this boy isn't wholesome as shit. That and he would go to the end of the world and back to keep his brothers together.

despite not really knowing what's really happened to JD (basically the whole feral behavior) He's the most willing to be near or around JD reguardless of how terrifying he might seem.

He's still his brother and that doesn't change even if he's entirely different now. Floyd wants to get to know his older brother none the less.

Very gentle and calm well JD is around, he knows JD won't hurt him no matter what his brothers say

gentle touches and pats till JD grows more comfortable with being around trolls again.

very carful because he known the whole draining thing took a lot of of the two of them

Branch

A lot of mixed feelings. He's mad, concerned, scared (for both himself and the trolls around JD because of how unpredictable he is) but he also understands the most clearly what JD could have been put through to turnout like this. (mainly the greyness big oof)

He's still mad at JD but he's also the first one to start really questioning and trying to figure out how he came to be like this.

also research go brrrrrrrr mans ate the entirety of the wildlife section of the library to better understand JD

feels weirdly connected to him because he also lived along for years

Also realizes that he could have turned Feral like JD so has a mini existential crisis about that

Bruce

he sad and also concerned and confused

Doesn't really know what to do

Tries to go dad mode but then realizes he doesn't know what to do so he just kinda stands there with a blank expressing and hands on his hips like "well shit."

Clay

scared, he is so terrified of JD you have no idea

anxiety go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Clay nervousness makes JD nervous which is a bad thing for both parties

So Clay runs away

JD standing in the distance

Clay "He's just standing there MENACINGLY!"

Poppy

Do her damned-est to help Branch anyway she can weather that be researching or asking other Trolls, even kingdoms if they've ever had a similar occurrence (she keeps it discreet though out of respect for the brothers)

She is concerned for Branch (the other too ofc) but knows that this is something the brother have to figure on their own.

number one moral support

Makes a scrapbook based on Floyd's description of JD since he's been the closest to him so the other brothers can see JD

Viva

More chill then Poppy but still greatly concerned for the brothers (mainly Clay)

Talks to him about the whole thing so he can vent

Poppy and her also talk to each other about it all well making scrapbooks (Viva helps poppy with making the JD pictures as close to Floyd description as possible)

anyway hope this answers you question enough for now till i get more story written!

[hirik0]

Save with you Part 2

part 1

09Soap/Ghost Omegaverse AlphaSoap, OmegaGhost

Ghost just want to die he puked his insites out for the last 2 days and now had a very annoying fever. Dr Bloomberg explained to him that this is a mix off the new drug and the reaction of his body brutaly been forced out of heat. She also told him that he will stay here for at least a week, while he puked nearly all over her shoes he stoped feeling bad about it. He is so hungry, but with the fact that he just stoped punking nearly 3 hours ago they stay with intravenous infution to keep him alive, they told him he can eat something when hes not puking for a minium of 24 hours and then it will only be soup. The only think he to lift his mood is Price visiting him. He clearly will put a stop to Dr. Bloombergs ridiculous ideas of him getting a mate. He also hopes shes wrong about him going in heat on a regular basis, this cant happen. He will just not exept this. One heat, its a coincidence maybe stress realted he will not begin to have a cycel again. He dont need a mate, and still everytime hes thinking about this topic a sea brise and the smell of jew is hauting his nose. Honestly a improvement to the constant smell of puke that is stucked in his nose. He also so fucking tired and from time to time a headache is causing him to get nausish again. The only reason hes not throwing up again are the medication they gave him against it.

When Price finally visites Ghost, the fever is getting worse. Price looks at him with concern and a hint of pity. "Price", Ghost says whinnie he just wants to sleep the fever making his hole body feel like a oven everymuscleis hurting. "You look like shit", Price says having to fight down his Alpha instincts because Ghost is very a sick Omega at the moment and dont need or want to be babied. "Thanks I worked really hard on it", Ghost jokes rasing Price mood a bit with his shitty comment. "Dr. Bloomberg told me that your reaction to the get a mate idea being a big no. If they have to put you in a coma all the time you can't work anymore." Ghost makes a displeased face at this, it's not like he ignores his health, he just dont need a mate. "I made a list off Alphas that will help you through your heats, if they are now coming back regular. I'm so sorry Simon." hearing the truthfulness in Price voice makes this just so much worse. "Who?", Ghost presses throw his teath, half hiding his face in the pillow. "Roach, Ozone, Soap and me", Price answers and hearing about Soap making him feel a little bit better. And if he wasn't so sick this would have ticked of a alarm in his head. Still he's making a pleased pure that Price picks up on. "Dr. Bloomberg is getting a expert on how trauma is effecting heats on the base, please don't kill her." Ghost wants to answer a yes Sir, but instead he puke on Price boots. "Get better soon Simon", he just says while his Alpha instincts scream at him to take care of the sick Omega.

The expert Professor Kim Hastings, is a small Omega woman, with the most annoying personality Ghost ever meet. She's the cliche of a bubbly, happy Omega, most Alpha claim to want but could not handel. Dr. Bloomberg looks like this is even to much for her. "Professor please remember what I told you about the Lieutenant", Dr. Bloomberg says clearly picking up the annoyance of Ghost after the Professor introduced herself and her research. "Of course I'm sorry. I just get very excited to talk about my research, like al scientist", Hastings answers in a lot more toned down voice. "So, I was told a lot of 'that's classified' about your past. I was told you survived several months as a prisoner and didn't had a heat till the end of last week. This is no heat in 7 years, that's the longest time I heard of. Usally my patients come to see me after 2-3 years. Many get very unsettled with out going in heat so long, I gues Omegas that dont have problem with not having a heat also would not reach out to me." Ghost just blinks at her unimpressed he really would prefer that it wasn't necessary for her to be here. "I was also told by Dr. Bloomberg that you would prefer to not get heats again." Ghost just nods, carefully listing for judgement in her voice finding non. "It's possible that this is just a stress heat, but this depends a bit on how you felt at the beginning of the heat." "What to you mean?", Ghost ask starting to bite his lower lip. "My patients often say their heat get triggered by a person that makes them feel extremely save. Often a potential mate or their mate. But they are also not in the military so this could not be the case here. You are honestly my first Omega solider, so i dont have any data to pull from. So please tell me a bit about what the last mission in very vague terms." Ghost feels like something is try to force itself in to his consciousness, scratching, howling, tearing at the walls he built around himself as a form of protection. "Captain MacTavish and I where on a 3 month surveillance mission in Asia." "Is the Captain a Alpha?" "Yes." Ghost heart is starting to race. "You know eachother for a long time?" "5 years." Dr. Bloomberg nervously looking at how Ghost heart rate is rising, smelling how Ghost scent is filling the room. Prof. Hastings just nods to herself writing down something on her notepad. "You would say he's a good Alpha?" "I guess yes?" Ghost answers unsure not having to think about this in a long time, the Professor clearly used to Omegas not able to give a clear answer to this. He don't like this, this is reaching uncomfortable territory his Omega instincts are rising like a phoenix out of the ashes after being not part of his live for 7 years, while is heart is trying to leave his rip cage. "When did you notice first indicators of a heat aproaching?" "On the flight back to base." "Is it possible you didn't notice it before because you where focused on the mission?" "It's possible." Ghost swallos, his scent is getting more prominent with every question. "What did you feel and I dont mean heat symptoms." Reality is bulldozing over Ghost. The word SAVE flashing in bright lights and gigantic letters in his brain. He felt save, because he was with Soap. He sees Soap as a potential mate. "Save", he says in a oddly empty way.

To Professor Hastings credit she didn't showed her exitment over this. She's learned the hard way that not all her patients like this part of the trauma healing journey, most of them got their trauma from a piece of shit Alpha in the first place. "If it makes thinks a little bit better, your next heat is atleast 6 months away, so a lot of time to figure everything out." Ghost don't think this makes anything better, he don't want to figure thinks out, he wants thinks to stay the same. Rage is filling Ghost up, about the situation, the feeling of absolute lost of control over his live, his stupid body and his stupid instincts for choosing bloody MacTavish as a potential mate. Dr. Bloomberg wants to say something but the Professor stops her clearly knowing that Ghost needs to come to terms on his own. The two women are leaving the room.

"You can call me when their are complications with his recovery, also don't push him. It will just damagethe process, from now one everything is going to happen in his speed", the Professor explains with a serious look on her face. "This man is so bloody stubborn, I honestly would prefer this was just a stress heat", Dr Bloomberg sighs, knowing that Ghost will end up in medical the second his next heat is coming. "Can I meet Captain MacTavish?", Hastings asks so she can give a prognosis on parts of the recovery. "No. If you weren't the only expert in the UK you wouldn't even have seen the Lieutenant." "But my research", the Omega protests not willingto get pushedaroundby a Alpha. "Professor you just talked with the most dangerous solider on this base nothing of this will go in your research. People kill to get the tiniest information on him. Your notes will stay on this base, otherwise your in a lot of shit with the government and the taskforce", Dr Bloomberg states in a final tone that there will be no exceptions. "Are you threatening me Doctor?", the Omega ask getting a bad feeling about the situation. "No, but the higher ups only agreed to let you see the Lieutenant because they want him back in the field, they don't care about your research. But your patients care about you and need you, it's not worth it Professor Hastings. Just give me your notes." The Omega swallow at how with out any emotional the Alpha said it. It is not a threat of the doctor, its just the facts of the situation. "What if I need to come back?" "You can look at them then. To refresh you memory." "What if I have a thought about the situation if I'm not allowed to have any notes of base?" The Alpha looks at her with a stern expression. "You don't have these." " So I should just pretend I was never here?" "Yes." Professor Hastings mouth drops open, to what exactly did she agree here? "What is the Lieutenant like a James Bond or something like this?" Bloomberg laughts at this before saying: "It's close enough. But I think even James Bond would look under his bed to makes sure the Lieutenant is not under it." Hastings is laughing nervously hopeing this is just some strange military joke. "When I told you this Omega is the most dangerous solider on base I meant it", the Doctor says to make clear she was not joking. Which shacking hands the Professor give up her notes.

Ghost wants to crawl up the walls of this room over 2 weeks he's in medical now and he just wants to go. He has to much time to think, about Soap being a potential mate, about how much it hurts that Soap didn't visited him ones since Dr Bloomberg gave the green light and he don't randomly throws up any more. Archer and Ozone were good sports about it, telling him that they understand the joke are so bad you want to puke. They also talked about the plan for his heat so that all three of them agree to the same thing. Roach and Price also ask about what to do if Ghost goes into heat again, the only one missing is Soap. Theoretical one of the other could just tell him, its just logistics really, but it fucking hurts. Everyone in the taskforce came to visit just not the person he wants to see. He trys to rationalise it, Soap is a Captain so he has lot of thinks to do and it just simply dosent fit in his full schedule. A very unhelpful part of his brain reminds him that before the incident, Soap would sometimes do paperwork while visiting him in medical, so it can't be his schedule. The next thing is that Soap had to be on a mission, just because he's in a coma for 4 days and then 2 weeks sick because they gave him some new shit don't mean that Soap is not needed in the field. But Roach would ask him everytime if Soap had shown up, becoming angrier and angrier with every no. The only logical conclusion is Soap don't want to see him and this hurts. Does Soap sees him as less now because he's an Omega? Fuck, he needs to get out of here. Unknown to Ghost Roach is screaming at Soap right now about exactly why he can't just go visit Ghost for 15 minutes. "Just go and visit him, Soap. You can continue to throw your pity party after you where there", Roach screams not carrying if anybody overhears, he lost his patience seeing how it clearly hurts his best friend that Soap is not visiting. The problem screaming at Soap just activates his stubbornness. "Why, it's my fault he ended up there in the first place." "Soap just stop being a fucking wanker for 5 minutes and actully listen to what I'm telling you for 5 days now." "Fine", Soap presses throw his theet. "Ghost wants to see you. He's not blaming you, so for the love of the bloody Queen just go and viste him." Soap bits his lip the now familiar feeling of guilt replacing his stomach growing bigger. "Okey 15 minutes", he finally agrees, because he has the feeling that Roach reached the point he would drag him to Ghost hospital room if he has to. "That's all I'm asking for. And now let's go so you can't chicken out of it." Soap stands up and is taking the file he's working in with him. Ever since Price told him that Ghost is allowed visitors he's found a sudden interested in keeping the recruit files up to date.

Ghost looks up from his book and sees how Roach is pushing Soap in the room before closeing the door again. He raises his evebrow in a silent question while Saop sits down on the chair next to his bed. His insticts are telling him to pure because Soap is finally here. Not caring that's not by choice. "Eh, Roach was very convincing that i should finally show up here", Soap states a bit emberrased. Ghost just keeps his eyebrow up. Time starts to streach itselfe while they look at eachother in uncomfortable silence. Ghost us looking at Soap, Soap seem to found a very interesting spot on the floor. Soaps heart is ponding, he feels like he will throw up, not knowing what to say, where to start. His instincts roaring to finally being able to scent the Omega. "Im, sorry", Soap finally says. "For what exactly?", Ghost ask unsure, picking the skin at his finger nails. "It's my fault you're in this situation isn't it?" Ghost looks at him confused, stops the movement of his fingers for a short moment. "What do you mean?", Ghost ask for further clarification. "Your heat, I mean I must have triggerd it, it was just us for 3 months.", Soap explains his train of thought, starting to bounce his legs because of his own nerves. "Soap, from what i understand the expert said, this was actully my fault, if anyone has to be at fault." Soap looks up from the floor to finally meet Ghost eyes. "What?" "Its something with me healing from Roba, that's what triggert the heat", Ghost explains vaguely not wanting to go in to more detail. "Thats good right?", Soap ask unsure, feeling relieved but also that Ghost is hiding something from him. "Im not sure yet, but.." ,Ghost stops mid sentence clearly debating with himself if he should continue. "But?", Soap encourages, needing to know. "But Im glad it happend around you, because I know you would never do something like Roba to me anyone", Ghost finishes the sentence. Claim the thought is burning itself in Soaps brain, his instincts want to claim Ghost, make him his mate, making sure the Omega is feeling save. "Did you not viste because you thought i would blame you?", Ghost ask dreading the answer. Soap dont answers verbaly but the face hes making is telling Ghost everythink he needs to know.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

weird question but do you know any place i can find a summary of chapter 5? or if you have one? i dont like vil so i cant really make myself sit and read the whole chapter but i wanna move forward and read chapter 6 but ALSO feel like i should know the important plot points so im not like "wtf is going on"

I mean 🥲 I don’t like Vil either, but I’d still highly encourage you to read episode 5! Getting a summary isn’t really the same as experiencing the story for yourself; the visuals, songs, and voice acting really helps to sell the emotions and the stakes. Who knows, maybe you’ll leave episode 5 with a little more appreciation for Vil (or the other characters; they all have various cute or heroic moments)? He’ll come back to play a major role in episode 6 anyway, and his character moments won’t hit as hard if you didn’t read 5. For example, there’s a particular line of Rook’s in 5 that Vil repeats in 6 which really hammers home his character development since 5.

… Although I won’t lie, episode 5 has veeery slow pacing because it’s basically one long, dragged out training arc 😂 so I’ll summarize what happens anyway; just know that I’d still recommend actually playing through the story yourself, especially if any of these plot points seem too cool or too interesting to not witness yourself. I’ll be glossing over things that aren’t relevant to the main conflict, so 💦 please keep that in mind!

Sooo Yuu starts off Book 5: A Beautiful Tyrant by finally starting to put the pieces together; they visit the Great Seven statues and confirm their own suspicions that the figures in their dreams are the same as the people depicted in the G7 statues (though their actions are framed as more “evil” in the dreams).

Yuu tells Adeuce and Grim about Mickey! They suggest that Yuu takes a picture of Mickey with the Ghost Camera so they can use it to investigate who or what he is.

There’s a dorm leader meeting to give exposition about an upcoming event. NRC will be having a two-day cultural festival in about two months! They will put on a bunch of activities, as well as showcase their clubs and give presentations on the art and research their students have produced.

One of the biggest events is the Vocal and Dance Championship (VDC). In EN, this has been changed to Song and Dance Championship (SDC), so I will refer to it by the English name to avoid confusion. It’s basically the music industry equivalent to what the Magical Shift/Spelldrive tournament was in episode 2; it’s a golden opportunity to launch many people’s singing careers in the entertainment industry. (A lot of talent agencies will apparently clamor to sign you on for a professional debut if you’re a SDC finalist!) The favorites to win this year are Vil and Neige Leblanche (twisted from Snow White).

I won’t mention every single time this happens, but throughout the chapter Vil has these segments where he asks his phone assistant Mira (TWST Alexa or Siri, basically) who the fairest of them all is. Mira always replies with “Neige Leblanche”, which seems to greatly frustrate Vil.

Anyway, Adeuce and Grim are interested in entering SDC because if the team representing their school makes it to the finals, they’ll get a cash prize of 50,000 thaumarks (5 million madol in JP).

Ace and Grim are pumped about trying out for NRC’s team, but Deuce is hesitant and bails.

The group eats lunch and then chills in the courtyard; it’s here that they hear singing and follow the song. It was Epel who was singing down a well (a Snow White reference), because he thought the well would help project his voice more clearly.

Deuce recognizes Epel as the crying boy he ran into at the end of episode 4! Epel says he recognizes Yuu and co. from the Magical Shift/Spelldrive tournament; he also heard about them from his classmate Jack.

Epel tells them about how his dorm leader Vil wants him to practice singing and that he’ll be a part of the SDC auditions. However, it seems that Epel isn’t eager to do this (which Deuce notices).

Vil comes to check on Epel and catches him talking to Yuu and co,; he is disappointed in Epel for “slacking off” and tries to drag him off. When Epel resists, Vil reminds him of a promise they made, which makes Epel fall into line.

Ace, ever the nosy one, picks a fight with Vil (because he doesn’t think he should be bossing Epel around). Epel begs everyone to not do it, but they fight anyway and Vil is, of course, victorious.

This reinvigorates Deuce’s motivation to be in SDC; he wants to help Epel, who seemed to be so hesitant about taking part.

Adeuce and Grim practice dancing on the basketball court. Here they run into Kalim and Jamil, who are also planning on auditioning since they already enjoy singing and dancing. The Scarabia boys give some pointers on dancing to Adeuce and Grim.

Azul shows up; he needed to find Jamil (they’re classmates) because Professor Trein needed his help with handing papers out. The boys banter a bit and Azul reveals that he was bluffing in episode 4 about live streaming Jamil’s breakdown and OB to the world. Only the Scarabia dorm members are aware of the incident.

Tying up loose ends from the ending of 4!! Kalim was able to convince everyone to let Jamil stay on as vice and to give him a second chance. Jamil claims that he is behaving for now to atone what he did, though he also says he will work hard to prove his worth.

The Scarabia boys tell Adeuce to sign up for SDC auditions via a “Rook Hunt”, who is in class 3-A. They go and do this and uh (well, Leona cameo but that’s not important) 🤡 well, Rook does what he does best and spooks them.

Cut to the VDC auditions! We see other competitors, one of which is Lilia (who delivered a holiday card from “M.D.” to Yuu) and Cater! They share some tea about the mysterious Shroud brothers, who enrolled at the same time and seem to do everything together.

Cater wants to show Grim a video, but he’s forced to sit through an ad first. It’s an advertisement for an apple soda featuring Neige (who, if you’ll recall, is one of the favorites to win SDC).

We get to hear various characters (Cater, Ruggie, Kalim, Jamil, Epel, Ortho, and Lilia) sing part of TWST’s opening song, Piece of My World!

Auditions wrap up and at first Vil wants to pick only the best performers, a she believes this will give him the greatest chance of beating Neige. However, Rook stops him and suggests that he instead pick people who are rough around the edges so Vil can polish them to perfection. Rook points out that he sees a lot of potential in Adeuce in particular.

Rook shoots an arrow at Adeuce with a letter attached to it letting them know they passed auditions, so they should report to Pomefiore dorm. Yuu is also told to come along.

The gang pulls up to Pomefiore and meet Kalim and Jamil there. Turns out the Scarabia duo have also passed!

A bunch of Pomefiore students start attacking them, but they manage to battle their way to Pomefiore’s ballroom where Vil is waiting. This was all a test he arranged so they could prove their worth to him.

So the SDC team is: Vil, Rook, Epel, Jamil, Kalim, Ace, and Deuce.

There’s only a month left until SDC. Crowley wants Yuu to let the NRC team hold their training camp at Ramshackle, since he is convinced that living together will help them build teamwork. He originally thought of holding the camp at Pomefiore, but he didn’t want some students to feel out of their element. They get bribed with a cut of the prize money and the promise of Ramshackle renovations 😂 so Yuu’s like “Okay, sure. C’mon in.”

Everyone moves in, and Vil starts imposing new rules on the SDC team members. For example, he takes away their snacks (including an apple pie and chocolate cake that Trey sent with Adeuce) and says he has designed low calorie yet nutritional meals for them. (I want to be clear here: some people misinterpret this part as “Vil is starving them like Mama Rosehearts starved Riddle!” which is NOT true. Rook says that this is not a diet in that sense, but to help them be in shape. Vil wants them to eat healthily so they can perform at their best.)

Vil gets a phone call from his manager who says he has been offered a role in a biiig movie production… as the villain. The hero for this movie will be played by Neige. Upon learning this, Vil becomes irritated and insists his manager reject the offer. He doesn’t care how much money he could earn from this, he says that all he wants to do is “stand the stage until the very end”. Vil then tells his manager to not contact him again until SDC is over.

It is revealed that the voting for SDC is done via audience poll, not by professional judges. This is an important detail to keep in mind for later.

Vil shows the group an original song (Absolutely Beautiful). In EN, he says he commissioned it but in JP he is more vague with his wording, which has led some fans to conclude that Vil personally worked on producing this song. (Uhhh, they also sing Piece of My World at some point.)

He tries to show them a video to help everyone get a feel for the dance choreography, and another ad featuring Neige plays. The boys talk about how Neige is such a popular celeb these days, and how he’s a student of Royal Sword Academy so that makes him their rival. Vil says something cryptic about how he’ll finally defeat Neige this time.

Vil picks himself, Epel, and Jamil as the main vocalists. Jamil is surprised and starts to say that Kalim should be picked instead of him, but Jamil stops himself and accepts the role.

Epel says he isn’t sure about being picked, but Vil again brings up their promise which makes him comply.

They keep practicing and Epel pisses Vil off when he says the dance is too girly. Vil chews Epel out for having outdated views on gender and then places him on a solo ballet regimen. Deuce asks to join Epel for his ballet lessons!

A ghost delivers 10 crates of apple juice to Epel. This is unsold stock from his family’s business, which is struggling at the moment. They all chill and sip on the apple juice!

Vil interrupts to lecture them on skincare. Ace asks isn’t there magic to make them instantly beautiful? This seems to annoy Vil, who says that he’s not interested in “beauty that only lasts until the strike of midnight”.

Yuu wakes up in the middle of the night to find Kalim singing outside Ramshackle. He confesses that he’s frustrated about not being chosen as a main vocalist. Kalim’s so used to having everything handed to him that the experience of being overlooked surprised him. He says that he wants to try hard so that he will genuinely be picked for something because he’s actually the best choice for it.

It’s revealed that Jamil was listening in on Kalim!

Adeuce sneak bites of Trey’s apple pie and chocolate cake. Vil catches them in the act 🤡 Adeuce suddenly fall over and can’t move!! Vil tells them he put a curse on the baked goods using his unique magic/signature spell. Fairest One of All allows Vil to lay a curse for anything he touches. The conditions he sets must be fulfilled, for even the original caster cannot lift it. (Vil cursed the pie and cake so that if anyone eats it, they cannot move until morning comes.)

Yuu sees Mickey in the mirror again but fails to take a picture of him. They begin to wonder how their original world and Mickey’s may be connected.

This isn’t relevant in the story of 5, but it may be important overall lore-wise. Apparently it is possible to transfer into NRC; Kalim originally did not go to NRC but the dark carriage came for him one month after Jamil enrolled.

Epel becomes frustrated with practice and wants to quit the team. He fights with Vil and loses, prompting Epel to run off.

Deuce suggests maybe Vil be nicer, but Vil snaps that Deuce has no room to be worrying about others or taking back when he’s falling behind the rest of the team. Vil compares Deuce to Ace, saying that the difference between them is too obvious. Ace tells Deuce to focus on himself more, and Deuce gets mad because someone naturally gifted like Ace wouldn’t understand him.

The team is really fractured at this point, so Jamil suggests taking a break. During this break, Rook advises Vil that he show Epel “the power of beauty”, to which Vil agrees.

Rook and Kalim give Deuce a pep talk! It leads Deuce to nabbing a magical wheel (blastcycle?) from Ignihyde and driving himself and Epel to a local beach. (They also see RSA on the way!)

The two shout their frustrations at the sea, and Epel’s dialect comes out full force which shocks Deuce. Epel then explains how he doesn’t want people to underestimate him because of his looks. On his first day (before he was sorted into a dorm), Vil tells him to button up his shirt and comments on his cute face, which causes Epel to instigate a fight.

Vil wins and tells Epel that “the weak obey the strong”, so until Epel is able to beat him, he has to listen to everything Vil says. This explains why Epel usually hides his dialect; Vil says that he doesn’t have a problem with Epel’s love for his hometown, but that there is a time and place for the dialect and his rude attitude. In this case, he must address his superiors properly.

The two first years have a heart-to-heart! Epel talks about wanting to become stronger, and Deuce talks about how how his own strength is how amazingly stupid and stubborn he is.

Epel gets a phone call from his mom!! Their business was suddenly flooded with orders from all over the world, and she says a customer told her it was because of “Vil”, whom Mrs. Felmier recognized as Epel’s dorm leader. She asks him to thank Vil for her.

Vil made a Magicam post featuring the Felmier family apple juice! All of his fans want to try the same juice, so they’re buying it en masse. This is the “power of beauty” Vil wanted to show him, that being beautiful and being strong can be powerful in their own rights, and that until Epel understands that, he can never defeat Vil.

They’re interrupted by some random NPCs that want to ride on Deuce’s (borrowed) ride. The NPCs get aggressive, but Epel is able to catch them off-guard with his cutesy looks. This lets Epel get some hits in!

The NPCs are beating them 😔 but suddenly…?! Deuce’s magical power overflows…!!

We cut to a later point that day when Epel and Deuce return, apologize to Vil, and rejoin the SDC group. Deuce confronts Ace and swears to him that he doesn’t plan on losing to him!

Crowley gives everyone in the team tickets for them to invite people to see the show. Yuu gives their ticket to Malleus.

The cultural festival has arrived at last! Yuu spends some time looking around at the attractions with Grim. We get a bunch of cameos from other characters.

While looking through some of the exhibitions, they see some NRC mob students bullying some short RSA students. The NRC boys intervene, and then Chenya comes to pick up the short kids (which are twisted versions of the Seven Dwarves).

Yuu and co. go to the SDC location (the Purple Stage) for rehearsals. Surprise?! Neige appears!! Vil is curt but professional with him.

NRC does their practice run and, for a brief moment, Vil is considered “most beautiful” (he checks with Mira). Buuut then Neige and the dwarves do their practice run (EN removed the song Minna de Yahoo), and Neige is on top again 😭 (Their performance isn’t even that well-executed, they’re very clumsy and everything. The song also isn’t very unique; it’s an arrangement of a popular children’s song from the Shaftlands. However, it still makes the filming staff feel nostalgic and they gush about how cute Neige is and how pure he makes them feel.)

Vil gets a scary look on his face and leaves; Rook, Kalim, and Jamil notice the look he made 👁️ 👄 👁️ Errr, Vil shatters his phone (“mirror”) in a fit of rage.

Yuu follows Vil backstage because they have a bad feeling. They see Vil offering apple juice from Epel’s family to Neige.

Neige is about to drink it until Rook intervenes and tells him (his “Snow White”) to hurry away because the staff need him. Rook takes the juice for himself and tries to drink it, but then Kalim cuts in and knocks the glass out of his hand.

It starts bubbling on the ground 💀 Vil cursed the apple juice! Kalim says he recognized the face Vil was making; it’s just like Jamil before he went mad over winter break.

Rook says he wanted to drink the juice even knowing it would harm him because he wants to believe that Vil wouldn’t tarnish his beauty and hard work by stooping so low.

The spilled juice vaporizes into a toxic mist, and Vil begins to Overblot 😔 He is different than the previous Overblots in that he is somewhat self-aware of what is happening to him (he shouts at everyone to not look at him, at his “ugliness”; the ugliness here is not literal, Vil is most likely referring to his “ugly” actions (ie the attempt to poison Neige, perhaps even kill him).

Jamil comes on the magic carpet to whisk everyone somewhere safe! He lets them know he used Snake Whisper to get Neige to put on a performance. This performance lured people away to watch him (plus, the first years went around getting rid of loiterers), so the SDC stadium is empty except for OB Vil, Grim, Yuu, and the NRC SDC group.

Deuce saves the day by directing the damage he has taken so far back at Vil…! This is the unique magic/signature spell he unlocked on the beach, Bet the Limit (Double Down in EN).

In the post-OB flashback sequence, we learn that Vil’s dad was a famous actor as well! It seems that Vil has consistently been casted as the villain ever since he started his own acting career. He resents this, because according to him, “a villain never stands on the stage until the very end, they can only watch the happy ending from the sidelines”.

Vil was also bullied in the past, although it is a different kind of bullying than Azul suffered. Other kids assumed he was as cold and cruel as the villains he portrayed in films, dramas, and musicals. (We see young Jack defending Vil!) He worked very hard in hopes of landing a hero role—but he was still never chosen.

Vil wakes up and finds himself upon a ruined Purple Stage. SDC can’t happen like this…

Malleus shows up with his ticket and uses his magic to repair the stage—he came to see their performance, after all. (It is also here when Yuu finally learns who “Tsunotaro/Hornton” truly is.)

SDC happens!! More cameos from characters in the audience as they vote.

RSA wins by one vote. That deciding vote was… Rook! Now, he gets a lot of hate for this move, but 🥲 he explains that he couldn’t lie to himself; he was genuinely moved more by Neige than his own group’s performance. Additionally, he says that even if they technically didn’t win a competition or get the most votes, so long as Vil has the strength to believe in himself… then no matter how old or disheveled Vil is, he will always be fairest of them all.

Vil collapses and cries…

Neige comes over and??? Turns out that Rook is a HUGE Neige fan 😂 (When first moving into Ramshackle, Vil remarks on a thick book Rook brought with him. They never looked at what was inside, but it was a bunch of Neige bromides.) Neige says he recognized Rook as his fan (“R”) because Rook called him “Snow White”.

Aaand Neige says everyone should sing together :)) (Again, this was removed from EN.) Vil suffers a lot :)))

Crowley is mulling over another loss to RSA and encounters its headmaster, Ambrose the 63rd (twisted from… Merlin???). Ambrose remarks that he senses strong magic in the area (probably residual from either Malleus or OB Vil) and that he’ll have to keep an eye on Crowley’s students.

Yuu finally grabs a picture of Mickey, but then notices Grim is missing so they leave to find him.

They see Grim on the Purple Stage eating Vil’s OB stone. When Grim notices Yuu there, he attacks them.

We finish off on a preview to Ignihyde. Idia gave a presentation at the cultural festival that made a lot of people interested in having him as an intern. Ortho offers to read the email opportunities to him, but in a resigned tone, Idia says to delete them all because he thinks he “doesn’t belong anywhere” so it’s not worth trying to.

[pipermca]

K-9: Part 2

Start at the beginning here.

Enjoy.

No content warnings. Relationships: Barricade & Prowl, Bluestreak & Prowl, Prowl & OC

***********************************

"Unit K-9?" Prowl frowned. As far as he knew, there were only eight special units, not nine. "I am afraid I am not familiar with that unit."

"That's because it's new. And honestly, I don't know how well it's going to work out. This may just be a temporary assignment." Overdrive grabbed another datapad and handed it to Prowl. "You'll be a unit of one to start off with, just to see how things work out. Then, if it seems like the new unit will be able to provide something useful to the Watch, we can work on getting you some more equipment and assign additional constables to work with you."

Prowl skimmed the data pad. It was an offer for a temporary promotion to head the new unit: he would be promoted to sergeant temporarily, with the accompanying pay raise and increase in responsibilities. Once the term was up, he would revert back to his previous position and pay. He looked back up at the Captain. "A unit of one is highly irregular. What sort of work will this unit be expected to do?"

"That's what we want you to figure out," Overdrive said. "And you won't be completely alone. You'll be teamed up with a new drone that the shiny processors over at the military's R&D branch have come up with that they want to try out. None of their units wanted anything to do with it, so they pawned it off on us." She handed Prowl another datapad. "These are the basic specs. You'll probably want to review them before you head over there tomorrow morning. Be aware that you will need to store the drone in your residence while you assess its capabilities. R&D wants it out of their lab, and we don't have any facilities to store it."

Prowl accepted the datapad. "What sort of drone is it?"

"From what I understand, it's like a wirehound drone. It looks kind of like one too, which is why I asked about pets at your place. I think they made some tweaks to it to make it appropriate for Watch work. I've seen videos of it in action and thought it was pretty impressive, but until we get one paired with a constable we don't know what all it's capable of."

"They created a tool without creating a use case for it first?" Prowl asked. He glanced at the second datapad, but it seemed to be a scientific paper, something about spark implantation. He looked back up at the Captain, canting his sensor wings outward in an expression of confusion. "That is an incredibly inefficient way to operate."

Overdrive shrugged. "I agree with you there. I get the feeling that someone in the upper brass over there got a budget windfall from somewhere, and decided they needed to use it or lose it. Dumping it into research was probably the easiest way to spend it."

"I also thought that one of the Watch's mandates was to be a clearly non-militarized peacekeeping service. Using tools designed by the military has the appearance of running counter to that," Prowl said. He flicked his wings indecisively. He hoped his superior officer was not going to be offended by his comparison. "My desire to move to Iacon was not solely for a new challenge. I also wanted to get away from the militarized environment of the Praxus Enforcers. The fact that the Watch can accomplish its goals of keeping the peace - without the use of any weapons - was extremely appealing to me."

"Well, let me put your mind to ease on that front," Overdrive said. "This new drone isn't a weapon. In fact, that's one of the reasons why the military wasn't interested in it. Something about it being 'not appropriate for military applications.' It's all in the report." She pointed at the datapad in Prowl's hand. "And if you have any questions about the drone itself, the lead developer will be there tomorrow when you pick it up. You can direct your questions to them."

"And the new unit's mandate is to just... What? See if the drone will be useful?" Prowl asked.

"See if it'll be useful, ascertain its capabilities in the field, and then report on your findings," Overdrive said. "I've seen some of the analytical work you've done on our patrol routes to find efficiencies where we didn't even know we had problems. That's why I want you leading the unit." Overdrive smiled. "I'm certain you'll be a perfect fit."

"I appreciate the confidence, sir," Prowl said.

"Dismissed. Report to R&D tomorrow morning." Overdrive grabbed a datapad from the stack on her desk as Prowl stood up. "Close the door behind you, would you?"

As Prowl closed the door, he saw Barricade leaning on the wall just outside the Captain's office. "So I am going to have to break in a new partner, aren't I?" Barricade asked, tipping his sensor wings downward.

"It is rude to eavesdrop," Prowl said, continuing down the hall without waiting for Barricade. "I thought you were going to start our patrol report."

"Why would I ever start deskwork without you? I know how much you love it, and I didn't want to deprive you." Jogging a bit to catch up, Barricade fell into step beside Prowl. "So, special units, huh? Which one?"

"It is a new unit," Prowl replied. "The designation is K-9."

"Huh. And you're heading it up? Fancy!" Barricade actually sounded impressed, but when Prowl glanced at him, the dark mech was wearing his usual smirk. "I should have figured you'd find a way to get yourself promoted to do more deskwork."

"I do not actually know that it will involve deskwork," Prowl said. "I suppose I will find out exactly what the job will entail once I start doing it."

Prowl staggered as Barricade slapped him on the shoulder. "Well, if anyone could figure out how to do more work, it's you," Barricade said. Then he hopped ahead so he could walk backwards down the hall, facing Prowl. "We need to celebrate your promotion! Now you have to come to the Rusty Strut with us!"

"I do not."

"Come on, Prowl! Live a little."

"I am living just fine without being subjected to that sort of activity, thank you."

Barricade's wings did something complicated in the air behind him. "Is it the noise? I know loud places put you on edge. What if we went someplace quieter? There's a hot oil restaurant over in the business ring that Cordon's been talking about. We could go there, instead. My treat, even, to make up for last time you came out with us."

Prowl considered this for a moment before glancing down at the datapads in his hand. "Thank you for the invitation, Barricade, but I must decline."

The smile fell off of Barricade's face. "Fine. Go home alone and think about work until you come to work again tomorrow." Barricade waved his hand in the air and spun around. "I know that's all you really like doing."

Prowl was about to say that, yes, in fact, he did have a lot of reading to do in order to prepare for his first day as the head of Unit K-9. But before he could say anything, Barricade was already striding ahead of him towards the work floor, calling out to other constables to make sure they were going to the bar tonight.

With a sigh, Prowl sat at a terminal and started keying in the results of their patrol. The sooner he finished their report, the sooner he could get home and start his reading.

[katsudondom]

I need to vent, sorry

long post incoming :)

↓

Yeah, I feel that I was born in the wrong generation

And no, I don't think I'm special or anything for saying that.

Like, do people think I want to feel like an outcast whenever I'm around a group of people that are the same age as me? Because I'd trade my interests and niches any day if it meant I could finally feel what it's like to have a group of friends by my side, or a partner holding my hand.

And yes, I do have many criticisms about certain aspects of modern technology and social media, but I don't downright hate it or dismiss the good that came from modern technology/the Internet entirely. If anything, I'd love to be born when the Internet was just starting to walk, when it wasn't as popular yet and when you were considered a nerd for even owning a computer. That'd be an amazing time to be alive, until "normies" (cant find a better word sorry I know it's cringe) started making the Internet more mainstream and later on it being the #1 reason why Americans are more stupid and self-centered then ever (in my personal opinion).

I'm more so disconnected with my generation because of the culture, not modern technology.. A generation where we believe in anything without doing any research or seeing different perspectives first, a generation that's easily brainwashed into believing anything, a generation that's so sure that their opinion is right that they'll even ruin someone else's life or ridicule them into oblivion just because the other person thinks differently. That's the reason why I feel like I don't belong with my generation, not because "ew social media".

Actually, that's not the whole reason why-

I also really just love the grunge/rock culture of the 90's, and the scene/emo culture of the early 2000's. It all felt like a community back then, like wherever you were at there'd be people accepting you with open arms, no matter who you were or what you looked like, ready to have you join their clique people that just liked the same shit as you do.

Nowadays, there doesn't even feel like a community anymore, even within your own culture. Everyone's divided, everyone's prejudice, and everyone can't put their differences aside and at least co-exist with each other. This "you're with me or against me" mentality is getting old real fast. Instead, let's have thoughtful and provoking conversations with each other, instead of being quick to go on social media and wishing ill to the white kid in your History class just because he wore a red hat that you happened to disagree with.

Idk, it's all just really silly.

I was just scrolling down watching YouTube when I saw a video calling people like me who think they're in the wrong generation "annoying" and I had to vent since it actually triggered me a bit, ngl, because just by looking at the thumbnail where they put a bunch of modern technologies and had "modern" in bold letters with the word being crossed out, I knew what points they were going to make, and I just needed to vent about how not everyone who feels like an outcast is trying so hard to be different.... It's 99% the complete opposite and I just always hated that stereotype from people who obviously have it way better in life, from people who clearly don't understand what it's like to be almost invisible even when you try so hard to be liked/seen to the point where you fantasize about a time you weren't even born in because "what if?".

Shit, I'm done, needed to get that off my chest and the only way I'd feel good about it is by posting it online. Scared to put tags on this because half of the criticisms about Gen Z that I wrote about relate to about 99% of Tumblr users, so I might piss someone off but fuck it, I want my voice to be heard and no one will probably care to read this anyway.

And yes, I know there's other teens/young adults out there like me, who has the same mindset as I do. I don't think that I'm the only special snowflake that feels this way, but it's so fucking hard finding someone who sees the world the same way as I do, that it does make me feel a bit like I am the only one.

Anyway,

Goodnight 🖤

[compassionatereminders]

hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me

[defiantdreemurrs]

(this is a repost from a twitter thread i posted a month ago)

alright strap in everyone this is gonna be a long one yes im writing this to be petty no thats not the only reason i also want to be very perfectly clear about this and why i keep saying it

WHY (VRISKA) IS THE BAD END TO VRISKAS ARC IN HOMESTUCK BY KRIS DREEMURR

for starters lets define what "bad ending" even means in this situation. i would argue (vriska) herself doesnt actually have a particularly bad ending. yeah she dies but she gets her own little happy ending in one of the most touching flashes in the entire comic.

in contrast, post-retcon vriska *is alive*, first and foremost, therefore shes not being forcibly drawn into irrelevance by her literal death. she *gets shit done*, going out of her way to scout around the B2 session, doing research, and putting together the plan. she doesnt HAVE to reunite with terezi because theyre already there together, and she gets to spend three whole largely uneventful years together where they get to be GENUINELY THE ONLY REAL HEALTHY MOIRALLEGIANCE IN THE ENTIRE COMIC.

she shapes up everyones lives on the meteor, she keeps rose from drinking, everyone literally admits that tho she can be a bitch, she at least is a helpful bitch who kept things from falling apart. nobody ever even points this out either! she spent three fucking years on that meteor being a functioning helpful member of the group and nobody ever bothers to acknowledge that when criticizing her. vriska haters refuse to admit there was a stretch of time where she just chilled and was a decent person.

because nobody wants to admit she maybe was actually a good person who just wasnt very nice. because that ties into the other major themes of homestuck: good people arent always nice, and nice people arent always good. vriska is example number 1 of the former. and her story doesnt end with her "opening a box to let OTHER PEOPLE save the day". regardless of what you think of the post-canon stuff, her story clearly continues.

and even if you only consider what happens in canon? it still doesnt end that way. because someone had to go get the weapon. someone had to go out there and stop him. she was literally prepared to do it entirely alone. because nobody else was going to. nobody else wanted to. they were happy to let her do the hard part. all by herself.

let me stress the importance of her going out there: if she had not gone out there, the entire rest of the groups attempts at fighting off condy and the two jacks would have been for nothing. all of it would have ended in failure if nobody had taken the weapon out there. like i cant stress this enough. the entire rest of the finale was literally them distracting the three beings that could have possibly made her job even harder. yes it also kept condy from getting her hands on the new universe but otherwise the two jacks were irrelevant. vriska going to fight lord english was the reason they were able to enter the door. they would not have been able to without her.

im not even exaggerating. she literally spells this out. (vriska) even spells this out! page 6053 when she does her monologue about being a hero. if nobody went out to stop him, he would keep coming. he would keep destroying worlds, even universes. they wouldnt be free from him on earth C. he would find a way to come after them. but thanks to her, and meenah, and even TAVROS, plus all the ghosts? hes done for.

and let me once again remind you: SHE WAS GOING TO GO THERE ALONE. SHE WAS WILLING TO BE THE ONLY ONE IN ALL OF EXISTENCE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO STOP THE METAPHORICAL MOON. BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE CARED ENOUGH TO DO THE HARD THINGS.

i dont say things like "(vriska) is objectively the bad end for vriska" lightly. i dont use the term objectively lightly. i dont typically refer to things as objectively because im not an arbiter of that. but this? this is all *right there in the text*. its loud and clear. (vriska) is objectively the bad ending to vriskas arc because she shows what happens when you give up and accept irrelevance. you stop caring, and you die. or double die.

if you still cant understand why i say this after all of this im happy to answer questions but like: if you genuinely cant see it after all of that plus me expanding further and answering questions and clarifying things? then you didnt understand homestuck. sorry. hussie is pretty good at being subtle. vriskas arc and especially what happens with (vriska) isnt them being subtle. thats hussie spelling out exactly what they want to say. vriska serket is just a bitchier simon the digger. always pushing forwards, never giving up.

[mihai-florescu]

people love forgetting that eichi is a shockingly nuanced character whose motivations so clearly derive from him knowing that his life will most likely end early and feeling deeply bitter about that. all of his actions are understandable though not always defendable & if he were Always Defendable id find him much less interesting as a character. i love that he's a lil crazy its enstars its crucial!!! also he's literally really really funny

Realest ask i've ever received, you get it, i dont have anything to add so i'll just double down on how silly he actually is with one of my faves. You read Wanted where he goes to an arcade with his classmates to research the game market on behalf of his family (and also to live like a normal teenager that plays games after school) and he takes this photo and he just. Says he wants it to be his funeral photo to put the "fun" in funeral. To me he's the funniest enstars character idc i cant imagine ever getting bored of reading his stories. Personally.

Also this wait

Eichi is great and funny and i love him because he's not real. Because he's a fictional character and i have access to his inner thoughts and dreams and also an overview of the story.

[not-poignant]

Im sorry to do this here but you write characters that have done bad things and still get redeemed and still deserve love. Do you really think that? I know it doesnt compare to what Gwyn or Augus or Ef did but I cheated on my partner in February. I kissed a person I met 3 days prior and havent talked to since. I'll give some context, not to be seen as excuse because I know its inexcusable. I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future". I thought the three of us could get together. Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly. Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today. I already felt like the scum of the earth and I still do. I feel like I dont deserve anything and should be punished or something. Kinda what Ef was doing with his apartment. I also dont know if Im supposed to tell everyone. I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone. I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly. I cant imagine it anymore, not when its the reason i lost them. Do you have advice maybe? Sorry for this

Hi anon,

The first thing I'd suggest is learning what polyamory is, because in my opinion you're not really practicing it. The foundation or bedrock of polyamory is not actually having multiple partners, it's a willingness to communicate honestly and authentically, which you don't do, or haven't done. That's why single people can be polyamorous, and a person in a monogamous relationship can be polyamorous without actually actively practicing polyamory.

Likewise, a person can have multiple partners and not be polyamorous at all.

You really need to do some actual research into what you believe you are. There's so many different stages of communication breakdown in what you've described that it just looks like you need to work on basic human communication and listening skills going forward.

I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future".

This is so strange to me, because you did know that, because your partner didn't say 'I'm polyamorous now' they said maybe later.

You're making assumptions that fit you and your convenience, or making things up in your head that aren't there. Telling me you don't know either means you're lying to me, or you're lying to yourself, because your excuse is literally that your partner told you they weren't polyamorous but that they might be later on. You obviously didn't get confirmation about this, and never communicated further on it, and made an assumption for your own purposes that neglected the people around you, and got people hurt.

I thought the three of us could get together.

Why? Your partner never told you that they were polyamorous, and you never communicated anything clearly, or asked for communication. Did you tell your partner that you thought the three of you could get together? Did you tell your partner that you were going to kiss someone you'd only known for a handful of days (did you get an STI screen before doing that? Or did you harmfully put yourself and your partner in further danger?) Did you tell your partner that you thought they were polyamorous now?

Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly.

Yes. Because they did. Your partner is right, and is absolutely the wronged party here. You made lies up in your head, in a situation where your partner never told you they were polyamorous.

Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. It sucks that it hurts so much, but I would consider how much pain you've caused and then look at ways to repair that in the future, because guilt on its own isn't enough.

It's important to learn what polyamory is, how to do it ethically (which let me be clear - you didn't), and then how to communicate.

Part of that will be communicating to all future partners and potential future partners that you've done this, and are still working on it, so they have this transparency. Like you don't have to tell everyone, but since communication is a skill you really, really need to work on, this is a good place to start. Self-accountability will go a long way for you, because I feel like you made decisions here that solely benefited yourself and no one else around you and are upset that it didn't turn out the way you wanted when other people got hurt because of that (which...of course they do).

I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone.

If what you've taken away from Falling Falling Stars is that you deserve absolution when you've done absolutely nothing to change yourself except feel some guilt, then like... I don't know what to tell you anon.

That's not the thrust of the story.

I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to realise the way you were doing it was so damaging to others (and eventually yourself) that you need to actually stop and learn how to do it properly and healthily. The person who got hurt the most in this scenario was still your partner/ex, and it's worth considering the wellbeing all future partners going forward. Because what you described to me was not a partner that was polyamorous, and I literally have no idea how you got that impression, beyond just...lying to yourself for your own ends. Someone telling you 'maybe later' is never ever ever ever consent to literally ANYTHING until you get concrete confirmation.

What steps are you taking to make sure this doesn't happen again?

What books or articles are you reading on ethical polyamory?

How will you ensure accountability with yourself and with future partners?

How will you ensure STI safety if you want multiple partners or any partners at all?

What steps are you making to become a better communicator?

When will you know you're a healthy enough communicator to be polyamorous? (You don't have to be a perfect communicator, but healthy is important).

What are you doing to ensure that you're listening to your partners instead of just making things up in your head for your own convenience?

These are the places I would start. Guilt as an emotion is not the thing that will answer these questions. 'I feel really bad about it' is not practical, active, engaged steps and feeling awful makes sense - you did something awful - but it won't last, and after those feelings leave or dissipate it's important to make sure you have something concrete as a foundation for future relationship/s.

People do deserve forgiveness - but not from everyone, and usually once they've done the work to show that they're willing to change and work hard - that is the point of Falling Falling Stars. Idk if you're seeing a therapist twice a week, or went to couples counselling, or actually have been doing any work at all. You trying to convince me that your partner was polyamorous or ready to try poly in general is a sign to me that you haven't done much of this work at all, but the good news is you can start self-accountability and self-responsibility at any point.

Part of that is acknowledging that just as you deserve love and kindness, the people around you deserve this from you as well - and that happens in the form of honest, authentic communication and compassion, which is something you can work towards.

[floorpancakes]

basically in my xxxholic splatoon au doumeki watanuki and himawari are idols but they’re also owarai/standup comedy themed kinda like how shiv from deep cut has rakugo theming.

himawari is the leader that’s a bit more of a singer and gets center privileges

whenever theres a splatfest watanuki unhinges his jaw in an attempt to maul doumeki like a dog and decides he’s the worlds worst person for not sharing his opinion on random topics (he dgaf about himas differing opinions and actually really praises them then gets caught out cause clearly he doesn’t agree with her its literally his job)

yuuko is a greedy koi fish themed ceo (and their idol manager) who replaces mr grizz as the salmon run main pop girl and has forced watanuki to be her latest recruit and put his ass on the line to get salmonid eggs but at one point after a particularly rough shift yuuko rewards him with a cute eel sidekick that can transform into a mega sized eel a la little buddy (mugetsu) to protect him

they have kind of a mix of traditional kimono and western clown themed outfits

watanuki has to rehearse extra hard for splatfest performances so he doesn’t embarrass the audience, but somehow the group have fairly equal individual popularity

watanuki has confusing and kinda enigmatic octoling related baggage and doumeki is winning the octoling idgaf war and comes from a lineage of special octolings w ancient stringer wielder lineage

hima actually has a golden salmonid pet that watanuki brought back from one of his shifts by accident and woke up to find hatched (tanpopo)

their idol group is called fishtsuzen and every single broadcast is at lunchtime so they can use it as an excuse to laze around while eating bento like high schoolers

i cant tell if I wanna do this yet but i wanna do smth cool w himas not a curse curse status like maybe she’s afflicted by fuzzy ooze and has fuzzy hair and everyone thinks it’s just kind of an aesthetic thing

doumeki still has the extra eyeliner octoling thing because its fun

their secret mission is to investigate unexplained paranormal occurrences in defunct octo territory

the mokonas take the place of the judds as the last two test rabbits on earth

yuuko has a personal investment in researching ‘the wishes of mankind’ that she’s allegedly trying to research using her power and influence

watanuki wishes he was just running the food stall but his hands are full with being a caterer for his friends LMAO

im still struggling to think of something kohane could do im not gonna lie but i feel like there’s potential

marumoro are in charge of gachapons in the lobby and yuuco respectively and are undergoing customer service training to come off as ‘less spooky’

considering having yuuko actually be a reincarnated human/yuukos soul way past human extinction which is why she’s being kinda shady and knows some shit totally separate from sea creature society

yuuco is laid out like the shop so when salmon runners go for job interviews they walk in assuming it will be a laid back swanky career choice. then they come head to head with a steel eel and minimum wage

doumeki has been asked to model for like ten different brands but he usually drags tanuki and or hima to come with because it is boring otherwise. this has basically made any prospective doumeki schedule a package deal because he is easily bored and easily entertained and ironically actually benefitted all of them in their collective rise to fame

himawari has a special interest in the darker side of stuff like the fall of humanity and the nuclear fallout partly cause she's just a bright girl into dark things and partly because shes kinda projecting

haruka turns up in watanukis dreams still but instead of a hot octoling gilf sometimes he shows up as crispy little guy with beady eyes like captain cuttlefish and it scares the shit out of him

noone knows what yuuko is actually smoking like is it crushed up salmon vape is it the blended ink of her enemies who knows!!

watanuki makes special splatfest themed snacks which are passed onto different shops to mass produce as gentei sweets but doumeki refuses to eat anything but the OGs (a classic) he once turned down a CM cause he was presented with snacks from the store and lost interest and dipped

group unofficially formed as the weird kids at high school, was put through the wringer as paranormal investigators and the whole idol activities came later (himas idea yuuko immediately sniped them)

yep that's right their Thing is splat idols is part time paranormal investigators ....the story mode would eat

yuuko has a mysterious storehouse of human artifacts and seems to be the only one that knows their original usage , usually she sells stuff she doesn't need and it gets snapped up by weapon development researchers and scrapper types, she has a long list of IOUs from various people and hands in many pots

watanuki gets agitated when he misses a spot in turf war and sometimes feels the need to clean up other teammates ink until it is tidy this is his fatal flaw sometimes he doesnt even just do this for turf war and its like rainmaker or something

he needs doumeki to not constantly die (in splatoon this time) bcs that fucker has a mean aim

doumeki watanuki dating scandal is attempted by a squid tabloid but it doesn't work cause everyone assumed they were already dating this entire time, this sends watanuki into a spiral because apparently they weren't actually dating yet but that issue is swiftly rectified 🫶

tanuki has a rly strong reaction to fuzzy ooze (uh oh) but doumeki can still counter it bcs of his lineage we love consistency

they have a big circus tent performance during splatfests and you get to go in the big tent to see them sing/banter/eat food/mess around as a treat

[yum-cy]

I’m sorry but how do you expect a blind actor to do the stuff daredevil does…there are not blind ppl w radar sense irl, if there were then yeah they should’ve cast one. But it is a lot more feasible to get a sighted actor to pretend to be blind and pretend to have a radar sense of the things he can see than it is to get a blind actor and have them pretend they have a radar sense of things they can’t see. In an ideal world perhaps with enough preparation maybe it could be done but idk…but yes with any other blind characters they should be played by blind actors, I just think it would be very difficult to cast a blind actor as a character who, while still being blind ofc, can perceive the world around him accurately enough to do things like hand to hand combat and parkour

Okay. 1st of all. Can sighted people hear a scream a mile away over new york traffic? Because as far as im aware, they cant.

2nd of all. THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THE POST dear fucking gd. besides. i can do hand to hand combat. do you think im lying about this? do you think im some sort of outlier in the blind community? im not. i learned from a blind person in a class full of blind people.

And parkour? You just need to be aware of your surroundings. And you think Charlie Cox is doing that shit without hesitation or without multiple attempts or without, oh, i dont know, safety measures put in place????? THIS ISNT REAL LIFE!! And even if it was, blind people can do parkour?? It isnt impossible. We arent stumbling damsels in distress. We're full people with different skills and abilities and we can learn shit

Did you do any fucking research at all?? Did you read the post??

Im trying my best to explain this clearly, but i honestly just want to tell you to fuck off. Next time you want to be an ableist ass, just fucking stop

Also, saying "im sorry" doesnt make what youre saying any less shitty

Based off what you said, youre sighted. You have no fucking place to talk here. If im wrong, im sorry but you really need to check your internalised ableism and not make it my problem

[katlandry]

you are 100% wrong on the kids thing.

Steve is the only character you listed that has canonically interacted with all 7 kids.

Nancy barely interacted with Lucas, Erica and Max.

Robin barely interacted with Lucas.

Steve is the only teen Max gave a letter to.

You cant override the junkyard, and defending the kids from Billy in s2, Max and Lucas are Steve's kids based on that alone.

Erica? You're overlooking Scoops Troop. S3. She is Steve and Robin's. An argument could be had here that Dustin is Steve and Robin's, again because of the Scoops Troop.

The real listing would be El and Will are Jonathans. Not Jancys, Jonathans. Nancy doesn't have any major connection to either of those kids, and very little interaction.

Mike is Nancy's. He's her brother.

Erica and Dustin are Steve and Robins. They didn't break into a Russian base together to get overlooked like that.

Max and Lucas are Steve's.

But, typical Ronance shipper, taking away the canonical interactions and relationships Steve has and trying to give them to Nancy, it just doesn't work.

In canon, Nancy barely cares enough to spend time with her own brother. Why the hell would she suddenly care about all the other kids when it's not an upside down situation.

LMAO okay. First of all, take a deep breath because my post was never this serious and you don’t need to be this mad over headcanons (typical Steve stan getting mad when someone disagrees that Steve is a “mom” to all the kids though)

Okay so not sure why I need to explain my headcanons but here we go.

Steve has barely interacted with Will and El so that barely counts, especially if you’re trying to say Nancy’s barely interacted with some of them.

Nancy hasn’t interacted much with Lucas on the show but it’s literally canon she dressed up as an Elf to help them with their D&D campaign, she’s also known all of the boys for as long as Mike has.

Again, these are headcanons, no one is overriding anything. I forgot about Scoops Troop when I made this tbh, my only reasoning for giving Erica to Nancy was bc I see her looking up to Nancy like Max & El do.

Max has never really had a female role model and she clearly has that with Nancy, she calls her a role model in Runaway Max and also talks about how badass she is. They spend time together in S4 where both Robin and Nancy are protective over her. It’s also canon that Nancy and Max have a friendship, and who was Max‘s second choice to find after Lucas in S4? Nancy. Not Steve. She went to find Nancy before Dustin even.

There’s no need to be an argument because these are my headcanons lmao, but if you feel that defensive about it why don’t you just make your own post? :)

Nancy and Jonathan are literally canon are practically endgame so yeah Will and El are Jancy’s. Again, Nancy has been in Will’s life for a very long time. I reiterate, she used to help them with D&D campaigns. El also obviously looks up to Nancy, you should probably do some research into this.

In canon, Nancy and Mike’s relationship is a lot deeper than what you’re making it seem. You’re literally just looking at things from a surface level.

But again, it’s really not that deep. They’re headcanons.

Not sure what you’re getting at with “Typical Ronance shipper” these are HEADCANONS. You don’t have to agree, but you also don’t have to be so rude about it. There’s plenty of headcanons I disagree with but I just scroll past bc who am I to tell someone their headcanons are wrong?

Also, please do not come into my ask box and mischaracterise Nancy. She very obviously cares about the kids, upside down situation or not, like I’m sorry did you miss the end of season two when she’s sad bc Dustin is crying & getting turned down by girls so she goes over and asks him to dance with her?

Anyways, the main reason I made that post was bc the “mom” Steve thing is probably the cringiest thing in this fandom and it makes me want to put myself in a blender. The GA especially take it too far. And like I said in the tags, I don’t like it when people act as though Nancy & Jonathan don’t do anything when they’ve been there since the beginning and would protect those kids with their life

[entei]

diary march 2023

my life has been weird lately.

i have been enjoying my new medication. i find myself taking joy in little things i previously found myself too pessimistic or focused on a bigger picture to slow down and appreciate. ive stopped dreading the hours after the sun sets and dont feel afraid being alone with my thoughts as much as i used to.

ive mostly spent the time trying to be present. mostly attending to my real life responsibilities and using my free time to focus on the people i care about and trust the most.

that being said, i still feel really incomplete. one of my goals with the meds was to feel more motivated in daily life. my executive dysfunction is something i had always attributed to my depression, but now that ive improved on that front its been easier for me to grasp my individual symptoms and what might be going on...

ive always known im neurodivergent in some way, and ive had some pressure on me as a child from the adults in my life to get it sorted out. struggled in educational settings. barely floundered out of special-ed tests and sessions. saw counselors long term. my parents hadnt thought me special in that regard though. jules has anxiety, most kids have anxiety. i had tried to communicate that i felt uniquely different a couple times but i was young, without the words to describe what i was going through, without the agency to seek psychiatry on my own, to even know that psychiatry was an option.

ive definitely also internalized some of the internet rhetoric ive seen about self-diagnosis even if i dont agree with it. i told myself for a long time that because an authority never told me i have adhd that i was being attention-seeking if i even SUSPECTED anything, not realizing that "hey, i identify with these symptoms and think i might have a problem!" is an important part of getting diagnosed to begin with 😭

all of that to say, i feel decently confident that i have inattentive adhd. ive spent some time researching and talking to friends who deal with it. more and more things become obvious in retrospect. i want to be able to think clearly! i want to be able to focus on one task for more than 15 minutes at a time! i want to go a day where i dont forget to do the most utmost basic things to care for myself like... eating!!!!

i feel bad for continuing to have to put my life and projects on hold while i get help (yay having to wait several weeks just to talk to my doctor for 10 minutes and get a referral to even get started), but i cannot stress how much i cant, like, DO!!!! i CANNOT focus. ever. at all. its SO frustrating, and even if i get diagnosed i have weeks or months of experimenting with different medications ahead of me until i might start feeling productive again. the thought really stresses me out. do i have adhd? who knows dude!!!! im kind of running out of options. the only way out is through (the perfume department).

[swiftfootedachilles]

people are so weird how are u gonna bash a well meaning person and then refuse?? to tell them?? WHY you’re bashing them?? if ur post was offensive then explain why jesus christ this is not how u have healthy useful dialogue with people, it’s just piling unnecessary hate and cruelty on someone. i’m really sorry you’re being treated so shittily by this fandom, i love your posts.

hey thank you so much for this. the handful of people ive talked to have been very understanding of my side and agree that it seems like this person already didn't like me and was looking for a way to renounce me+my posts

truly, i don't know why she feels my posts are offensive. i hate the idea that a jewish person feels i was antisemitic and fetishizing jewish culture. i researched antisemitic fetishization tropes in opera during my undergrad program. ive always tried my hardest to understand minority communities that i am not a part of, without overstepping and seeming like a white knight/savior. i have always been guided through life by my ethics and a burning need for social justice. i want to fix this!

i was really pissed off yesterday and used more aggressive language in my posts and replies. today my head is clearer but im just as confused. i never expect minorities to do the emotional labor of researching topics for me and handing everything over on a silver platter. i will gladly educate myself, but i cant do that when i don't know what i did wrong. this isn't a situation where i did something clearly wrong and there's an obvious gap in my understanding - ive asked multiple friends where they feel i went wrong, and all of them have said they aren't sure

one very kind person messaged me about how, from an outsiders perspective, they were reminded of other situations where autistic people have their words or actions purposefully misinterpreted, and that seriously opened my eyes. OBVIOUSLY im not saying this person is accusing me of antisemitism because she hates autistic people. but i have often experienced people purposefully misrepresenting me and getting mad without explanation. everything starts out good, great even, and i build a script with which to interact with others. but eventually, you get very comfortable and stop following a script, start to unmask a little. and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

you're not acting right. you said the wrong thing. who would say something like that? so inappropriate. and when you ask for clarification because you genuinely do not know what you did wrong, all you receive are eyerolls and more hate because you should already know this, im not gonna spoonfeed everything to you. you're an adult figure it out yourself.

like i said, i don't think she's, like, hating on me for being autistic. i think ive gained a certain reputation (of what i don't know) in the shameless fandom, and people are projecting their preexisting judgement into me. this means that they don't actually want me to apologize. they don't care. they think i am already not a good person and just want to point that out to me to shame me into saying sorry because they think it'll knock me down a few pegs. whatever. my real offline life is much worse than getting mildly ganged up on on the internet. ill survive. i still want to finish my mickey embroidery and my edits/webweavings and my fics. maybe i will, maybe i won't. like ive mentioned many times before, i have pretty bad rejection sensitive dysphoria and i need to be reassured i will get feedback on my works before i ever post them. my fics were already being ignored by most of the big fandom writers - i think those will just have to be scrapped because i genuinely cannot take hollowing out my chest and putting it to paper only to get a few nice comments/kudos. the embroidery though, that's for me. i definitely wanna do it. the other original posts like webweavings, idk maybe i really don't know

[autisticlee]

a fewish years ago (maybe 4) I learned what DID is and about systems and plurality all that stuff. I met a few systems and even befriended one. I learned a but through just talking to them, but they're so lovely and I loved them a lot, so I did research to get to know them better. I felt like I could somehow relate quite a bit to a lot of the stuff, not all, but wasn't sure how to put it into words. I tried to words to my friend, but they said it sounds different from their experience so it's not DID. I agreed and pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and offend them if i tried to drag it on. especially since I couldn't figure out how to words. they told me about some of their experience and knowledge. they knew they were a system and switched with alters for most of their life and others thought they were playing pretend.

I just shared a brain with some weird little guys that I called "characters" for lack of better word that I sometimes was? but might have just made them up? and conversed with them but also was them? like they were a mask I put on? but not willingly like playing pretend? and they're still here? but what if it is all pretend? see, words are hard.

(this got very long rambly so I hide it here)

on twitter in the autism community I was browsing through, I saw many systems. some of their posts about their alters and stuff felt relatable but I wasn't sure how or still. there was a mutual I had who posted about "choosing" to be a system? or finding one something idk. anyway, they told me one day they're a system now so I might not be talking to "them" sometimes, because they have multiple "thems" basically. so I thought oh, why don't I try talking to this person about my experience, since they're new to this and trying to figure themselves out. maybe we can learn together or something. I said something like you might be talking to different "mes" as well, but i'm still trying to figure out if i'm imagining it or my brain is just very inconsistent or something.

instead of getting a curious or kind or reciprocal response like I expected, they instead got very offended. they told me to research about systems and stuff because I clearly knew nothing. then immediately tried to end the conversation, but i continued. I told them I did a bunch of research already after meeting my one close friend who is a system so I could learn about them and we talked about it together as well, which is how I realized I related, but my experience was a little different from theirs, so I'm now trying to figure out what that experience is and means. their response to that was just "......okay?" my turn to be offended.

that's such a rude response. I don't care if you thought I was trying to offend you or something. i was being sincere and honest and trying to open up because you're clearly more new to this than me (based on their posts I saw) so why not explore together, but they just 🙄 (especially offended that they posted about "choosing" to become a system, (my research resulted in you can't choose it tho? so idk) but then acted super rude to someone questioning??? the math isn't mathing with this one!) then after i didn't respond for a while, because how does one respond to that, they ended the conversation again saying they're going to bed. so I never spoke to them again because I don't appreciate people responding to me like that lmao. (cant remember specifics of the convo so it's very paraphrased but you get the idea)

this experience has just resulted in me not wanting to talk about this to anyone so I don't ~offend~ people by saying the wrong thing. i've seen other systems get mad at people questioning. since it seems most common to just know what you are from early childhood or something so anyone learning of it later in life is clearly faking. i've only thought I was faking and making it up my whole life, because what if I am? I always assumed I was.

I don't have that "one bug trauma moment" that is necessary for DID, nor do I have huge memory loss episodes/amnesia/whatever the correct term is. at least not that I'm aware of. I remember most of my childhood. I just have a bunch of cptsd and autistic/adhd memory issues and everything is fuzzy or out of order if I try to remember it. certain times I can remember random vivid childhood memories, other times its very fuzzy. but that's probably normal. so not DID obviously.

for a while, I wrongly assumed that's the only cause of plurality. I came across another dissociative disorder that can cause it. OSDD can do it but not a severely as DID apparently. i'm not diagnosing myself or even saying "I think i have this" just saying there's possibly an explanation out there for my experience of I keep digging and also figure out what this brain is doing. I didnt do deep research on OSDD. only looked at differences from DID mainly when I took a break at work. there could be other things that are similar. i'll look more into it if I remember and feel like it.

anyway, this is super disjointed and I keep rambling off topic. so my experience has been dissociating out of my mind my whole life but never knowing what it was for the longest time until fairly recently probably. out of body experiences where someone else controls the body, not feeling real or connected to reality, the world not feeling real, etc. the cptsd from being autistic and chronically bullied by every single classmate, friends being abusive bullies, teachers treating me like some good for nothing criminal. and family being the typical overbearing, poor, catholic, conservative household that bests you for doing things wrong, doesn't allow closed doors, berates you for everything, and never has anything nice to say, etc. you know the type, right? f

or 10 years I went to catholic school with the same group of 30ish kids who all hated me and made sure I knew it daily. I was undiagnosed autistic and those snobby rich catholic kids hated anyone different. I befriended the other couple semi-bullied kids, but turned out they weren't real friends and bullied and abused me worse than the other kids, but I was forced to make friends so they were my only choice (I got calls home resulting in getting screamed at when I got home, and sent to the principal nun so many times to get screamed at for not making friends or talking. it was great!)

being autistic and treated like a piece of garbage was traumatizing, but overtime continuous. not One Big Moment which is usually the cause of dissociative disorders from what i've heard I think. as well as being forced to wear the uniform dresses and skirts, parents forcing girly stuff on me and making me be girly, other kids treating me incorrectly/how I didn't want to be treated because "girl" and not feeling Gender enough but not having any lgbt knowledge didn't help at all (I was very uncomfy and got yelled at for wearing shorts "that are only for boys" and got my things stolen—pokemon keychains on bookbag, dragon ball action figures— or destroyed—another pokemon keychain, a pokemon sticker on pencil case— because "only boys can like that/it's not for girls!" so many of these experiences....) so anyway, being autistic (and adhd too) and some kind of gender gremlin (have settled on nonbinary now) led to me naturally trying to mask as a survival instinct to try to fit in, make everyone happy, and try to stop the bullying and abuse and all that. it obviously didn't work. nothing changed lmao. things like this led to me not knowing who I was. this still goes into today. I still don't know who I am or who i'm supposed to be. I have different versions of me. but I never knew which was "me" or if they're all me? at some point I had to stop and think....what ARE these different versions of me who all have different types of personalities, different likes and dislikes, different ways of talking and acting, etc. why do i seem to constantly contradict myself? how can I love something one day and hate it the next? it's like there's different little guys living in my brain and we share this meat slab. but maybe it's my childhood imagination and they are characters I made up and am acting out. maybe they are autistic masks I made. different personas for different times and experiences that for some reason don't dissipate and keep piling up. maybe they're....something else?

at some point at a young age, I became someone else, so to say. don't recall it being a conscious choice. just something that was kinds always there. there's evidence if them in my diary I had when I was around 5 years old. there's drawings of them together with "old me" and other "mes" that came after. they weren't treated like ocs, but I didn't know what else to call them so I always referred to them as "characters" even though I am "characters"

the first one that "became" doesn't have what I recall as a beginning. they just kinda "were" ?? I think they kind of took over and took the lead and tried to help me is one way you can put it. they weren't exactly "me" like the original me? but was still me? their name was Lilly. or I was Lilly? I told people to call me Lilly (they didn't. except a friend who wanted to play pretend and i gave her a pretend name. but she got bored and stopped after one summer. Lilly remained) I wasn't always Lilly. sometimes I was just that nameless and voiceless kid who was lost and just wanted to become one with nature away from people. the one I was "supposed" to be. the one that *deadname* was supposed to be? so Lilly took over for a while. but it was still hard. they didn't do the best job. but tried very hard and was able to speak a little unlike "the original" of like to say. so....of this is a plurality situation and not just me running a huge pretend hoax, I think i'm Lilly. i've changed my name and grew up a lot since 5. i'm Lee. i'm the "main personality" you could say. the one that usually is in charge of what this meat slab does and who people talk to....or....I'm very much questioning everything right now i'm sorry...

well, at some point, piercen popped up. piercen was the "innocent," "free spirit," and "silly/goofy" personality. the part of me that was sick of gender and didn't want one but didn't know how to express that. the part that just wanted to laugh and have fun and be silly and do what I enjoyed and ignore the stress Lilly was bearing. i generally always serious and depressed, but there was that piercen side that could still laugh and make jokes when Lilly was done crying.

maybe around 10 years old I want to say, Talia appeared. she was adventurous I guess. the dreaded puberty nonsense started and it freaked me (or us?) out. Talia took care of that the best she could. she shouldered it. she took over for a bit because Lilly was exhausted and broken. she was similar to Lilly in her role i suppose? while Lilly was a bit more rebellious, Talia gave in more to try to make people happy. but that didn't work too well....

ok I feel like im trying to write for someone else right now 😅 there's more of them too, but i'll stop there. I think a point was made of I was even trying to make on. but,,,,,this is supposed to be "me" but it feels so "other" at the same time. there is a disconnect between these "other mes" where they don't all feel like "me" because they are all so different from each other??? how can I like and dislike things at the same time? I don't like to wear girl clothes, it makes me uncomfy because reasons and I prefer neutral. but one of these "mes" loves cute "girly" outfits and keeps sneaking them into my cart when I buy stuff and then wears it and wants to shlw it off, but I feel like I have to hide it....that contradictory nonsense doesn't make sense of its just me in this brain. so thats one big reason i'm very questioning. there's other things too like taste in music and foods and etc.

they are, however, more connected than DID alters. those are completely disconnected or separate as in have their own memories and experiences. for me, the memories and experiences are more shared and not completely separate? there's less separation in experiences? but it still feels fuzzy between sometimes? like tryinf to write for Talia about her motives and role and stuff doesn't seem to work? like she'd need to do that herself? but yeah, it's more like a bunch of gremlins are sitting in a room togther and switching between who gets to play the video game, while the rest watch over their shoulder and backseat constantly. or a car full of people who switch between who drives and backseat constantly. they share the experience, mostly secondhand? and have their own opinions about where to go and what to do and what music to play and etc. but sometimes one wanders off idk. that's how the weird little gremlins inside my head feel to me.

are they me and i'm making this up? or are they them and i must accept them? i've tried talking to and connecting to them as i've seen suggested. either they are in there or i'm imaging this whole things and making it up 😅 who knows...I never talk about this (besides casual mentions of my brain gremlins) because WHAT IF IT IS ALL JUST PRETEND. I don't want to offend another system unintentionally. other people will judge or be very weirded out. i'm afraid i'm just faking for some reason. as a weirdass coping mechanism because I wasn't able to develop a real personality or something. how do you know the difference fdhddnssn am I even real? who am I? what am I? 😭