#but i cannot overstate how much these two suck

[soup-du-silence]

I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand

sometimes when art is hard and I can't execute an idea, I draw it with 350% more corners and it turns out kind of okay

[mamawasatesttube]

you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually

[ruegarding]

hi, quick question, how did you feel about Beryl Grace's character and how she was written?

hi! overall, beryl is another character that falls into the "interesting concept, not elaborated on in canon" category. in pjo, she's not particularly developed bc of her distance to the main character and narrative. in hoo, where she's directly related to a main character, she's flat, zeus is flat, hera is flat, thalia is barely relevant, and jason's entire character suffers from hoo being inconsistent and poorly written, which means anything that, arguably, should be done well doesn't hold up.

in pjo, beryl’s character isn’t very fleshed out, but she’s a side character to a side character, so it's understandable. she's also dead, but when she was introduced the majority of parents we knew abt were alive, so it wasn't too big a deal (this changes drastically w hoo, where there are more dead parents than living ones).

her existence answers a few questions: why doesn't every mortal parents know who their child's godly parent is? bc some of them cannot handle it. why did thalia run away? bc her mother coped w her mental instability by turning to alcoholism. why does thalia want to join the hunters? bc she wants stability. why can't thalia return home? bc her mother's dead. a lazy way out, maybe, but, again, beryl is a side character to a side character. the implied depth of beryl's character, that thalia cared enough to not only check on beryl's well-being after being revived but also feels enough guilt abt leaving that it's used against her soh, does a lot of the heavy lifting.

in hoo, we learn very little abt beryl's character, despite the fact that she is now connected to a main character. in fact, beryl's inclusion in hoo doesn't do much.

is beryl given depth now that she's closer to the narrative? not really. thalia had to raise jason bc beryl was always self-absorbed, so she and jason don't really have a relationship, therefore nothing to explore. and also the implied depth from pjo is removed bc actually thalia stayed bc of jason and doesn't care abt beryl. so, if zeus went back to beryl, had two children w beryl, that would imply that he loves her, right? no. bc why would we take this opportunity to imply that zeus cares abt other ppl and make him a multi-dimensional character. what does it mean that beryl unites two pantheons by having a greek child and a roman child? don't know. rick never explores it. why was jason sold to one direction? bc hera sucks and beryl's self-absorbed. how was jason able to recognize thalia's face despite last seeing her when he was two (or three??)? did hera tell jason abt thalia as he was growing up? was it all part of hera's big plan? don't know. probably. is jason and thalia's relationship an important focus of the series? no. do we explore the ramifications of beryl being a celebrity w children? no. where does jason's idea of what a mother should be ("caring, loving, selflessly protective") come from? not established. probably thalia...? was it necessary that jason's mother was beryl and not literally any other absent parent? no. was jason and hera's relationship explored in hoo, at least? if u settle for "kinda."

i can not overstate how little beryl shows up in hoo.

there's also a separate issue in how her disabilities are handled. like i say often, this is a series abt disability and therefore these things matter. she explicitly has an addiction and is coded w bpd and she and zeus are villainized for both of these things.

compare it w may. may can't give luke what he needs bc of her disability and it's approached w empathy and portrayed as a tragedy. similarly, hermes loves her and helps her how he thinks is best. and despite this, the audience can still empathize w luke's anger bc none of this changes the fact that he did not get what he needed as a child. that's how u write a complex relationship fitting for a main character of a series abt disability.

instead, beryl is written as incredibly shallow and repeatedly described as "unstable." she likes zeus bc he's powerful and he gives her attention. she caught his attention for shallow reasons and she wanted to keep it for shallow reasons. zeus is written like the villain for leaving, bc obviously he's also shallow and only there bc she gives him attention. this entire situation would be a tragedy if it were written w a modicum of care. it was a no-win scenario. he could have stayed forever, he could have made her immortal, and she would still be unstable, be unsatisfied. she put her entire well-being in his hands, and there is no way he can make her happy forever. it's sad! the love could've been there and it wouldn't've fixed anything!

boo sort of tries to add depth to her character and relationship w jason, but, again, it doesn't hold up bc jason doesn't have a relationship w her. for the two (or three??) years he lived w her, she doesn't even raise him. thalia does. jason doesn't see multiple sides of beryl. almost everything he (and the audience) knows abt beryl, he learned from thalia's crash course on why their mother sucked. the only exception is this promise beryl made, that she'd come back for him, except jason's already come to terms w the fact it's a broken promise, that beryl was never coming back for him, before the story begins. rick never establishes any redeeming quality of beryl's, or beryl's influence on jason, so jason's rejection of her doesn't pack any emotional punch bc...what exactly is there to reject? to let go of? why would the audience be attached to her? why would jason be afraid of becoming like her when there's nothing in the narrative to suggest they're similar?

it's not tragic. it's not triumphant. it's lackluster.

[madamtrashbat]

It's that time again for political posts in America and I have some thoughts. Ignore if you want.

Sometimes I really feel like people get so caught up in fucking white knight political ideology that the ensuing inaction causing the creeping rise of fascism or conservative assholery is seen as an inevitable instead of as a direct result of internet leftists sitting with their thumb up their asses because there's no ideologically pure candidate they can throw their weight behind. When the flood comes they'll be so smug as they drown because they saw this coming, especially because the person who was trying to stem the flood was using outdated tools so obviously this was inevitable.

Complacency and plans for BIG GRAND SWEEPING GESTURES that will rework the system in one fell swoop are always going to fail, and beyond that it's always going to cause more harm. Always. Your leftist utopia isn't going to suddenly appear one day if you post enough hot takes, things aren't going to change if you decide you don't like that someone has a differing opinion on high-speed rail systems than you and therefore they're basically a fascist and cannot be supported. Black and white doesn't exist in politics.

Elections are not just the president. It does suck that we get a choice of only two, and it's a bummer that the Democrat option is Joe Biden! I don't agree with everything he does, and I am certainly not in agreement with a good deal of what he does, but that does not change the fact that I'm going to vote for him, because the alternative is unfathomable, and quite frankly, there is a good list of what he's done that I approve of.

"Voting doesn't matter!" Respectfully you are stupid. Elections are not just for president. Do you know what senate seats are up for grabs this term? What's on your local ballots? Do any amount of cursory research and then join the conversation. People wouldn't try to keep you from voting if it didn't matter.

"Biden is too old!" Yes, I'd love a younger candidate, too, but what is sitting this election out going to do to fix it? Are you just going to hope a younger candidate appears out of nowhere? Or are you going to do the work to support candidates you do like?

"Biden is a centrist!" I cannot overstate how behind we are politically that Biden is literally the most left-leaning president we've ever had and it's only by participating in politics that we can keep pushing it even further. Democrats are historically more open to changing their minds than Republicans; I watched Obama move from not supporting marriage equality to signing it into fucking law in real time. How much work are you doing to help push our politics left beyond just angrily posting about how shit it all is?

"Two-party system sucks!" Big agree! How will not participating in it change it? Are there any smaller candidates, like reps, who agree with you? Can you support them to get us closer to a multi-party system?

"Palestine matters!" Could not agree more! Absolutely agree with you that the atrocities in Palestine need to end. Biden has a shaky stance on this at best, with a weird position of still supporting Israel as an ally and also condemning what they're doing, but he is not the first president to have a weird, fucked-up foreign policy and he's likely not going to be the last. But how well do you think Palestine will fare under Trump? Al Jazeera reported that Biden at least views that Palestine should be self-governed and supports a two-state solution, meanwhile, Trump unequivocally supports Benjamin Netanyahu, and said through his nepotism mouthpiece Jared Kushner that Palestine doesn't deserve statehood. What hope would Palestine have under another term of Trump?

"Trump and Biden (or) Democrats and Republicans are all the same anyway" if you actually believe this, and I mean truly believe this, then public education was absolutely and thoroughly wasted on you and I want you to personally repay the taxes that paid for it. Four years of Trump saw the overturn of Roe v. Wade by cramming unqualified conservative stooges into the Supreme Court, the reduction of the assistance provided by food stamps, the mishandling of a global pandemic that killed many thousands in the US alone, the US stepping away from climate action, and actual problems of exposing state secrets. Less than four of Biden have seen the enactment of the massive infrastructure bill, approval of an OTC birth control pill, a reworking of redlining laws that expands protections for home loan borrowers, cracking down on predatory overdraft fees from banks, incentivizing farmers to reduce carbon emissions, and enacting stronger punishments for companies that interfere with union votes and enacting more union protections. I'd say those are pretty big fuckin differences.

---

Look.

I get it. This shit seems rough because we're going through it and we're tired. But refusing to be involved is a little like deciding to protest your quarterback being an asshole by standing still on the football field. Because the thing about that is that the other team's quarterback is ALSO an asshole, a huge fucking asshole, and even though he's not on the field right now, his line is still coming for you, and they're going to tackle you, despite you claiming you're not playing anymore. You're on the field whether like it or not. You might as well fight until you can convince your team to find a new quarterback.

You can't give in to despair. Anyone claiming Biden and Trump are the same are lying to you. A better future is possible, but only if you keep pushing. Stack the house and the senate with people that have the best policies and uplift them. Get involved in your community. Change starts at the smallest level, and it is enacted by you.

Remember how many states the Republicans lost that it took them gerrymandering to get back. We can do it.

But you can't think of it in black and white. You have to keep marching towards the horizon. Do not stop, ever. Keep pushing, and drag the people you can forward.

[fox-quills]

do you have any recommendations for writing a fic? i have so many ideas but never can get pass writing even 1 paragraph of my idea. I guess maybe it’s because i have ADHD but it sucks!!! I’ve such great ideas for mha / erasermicdeku fics but never can get far. Any recommendations that helped you out? Or helped you be more productive?

Okay this is about to get long-winded because I have a LOT of thoughts on this topic. I'll drop a tl;dr at the end lol. So! First some background. I have ADHD too anon, and I'm struggling my way through life unmedicated, so I absolutely get where you're coming from. I've been writing fanfiction a long time. To give you an idea, my oldest posted fic is actually older than my current beta, so you know. Fandom ancient or whatever. But, for a long long LONG time, I really struggled with consistency. I have a list of unfinished fics behind me a mile long, because as much as I loved writing, and as much as I wanted to do it, I just couldn't seem to manage it around all that ADHD brain fog. So I wrote sporadically, only ever finished one long fic in probably twenty years, and generally felt pretty bad about myself all around. And then about a year and a half ago, I decided that I wanted to try writing consistently. Again. For the fifty bajillionth time. But I also knew everything I had ever tried didn't work, so if I wanted it to happen, I needed to do something different. So I started getting up two hours before work every weekday, and I regret to inform you that it worked beautifully. I think a large part of it is hedging your bets against ADHD brain. First thing in the morning, you're going to be more alert, and you haven't already used up all your limited thinky spoons on work or school or whatever else. You get your best, fresh morning brain! Let me give you some stats. Here's my total word count for the last five years:

I started my morning writing in June of 2023, which is probably pretty obvious. When I first started, my daily word counts weren't anything crazy, but I was making consistent, daily progress and I was super happy with it!

And here's my daily word count for the last few days:

And this is not me going crazy. Just my two hours in the morning, which is closer to an hour and a half because I gotta get up, make coffee, etc. I have a few things that helped make the transition easier. I work from home, so I can write up until the moment I gotta boot my laptop for work. My husband also happens to get up for work at the same time I get up for writing, so that helps too. But even without these things? I'd do it. If I had to drag my ass outta bed at 4am, I would, because it just works that well. I'll never go back to doing anything else. I have one other piece of advice that really helps keep me motivated, and that's to find a circle of people to talk to about your writing. Talk about your fic with your friends, join a discord server, something! I absolutely CANNOT overstate how motivating it is to have people excited for your story, people to talk to about your ideas, people who care about this silly little thing you've created. There's this idea that writing is a solitary thing, but I don't think that's true. At least, it doesn't have to be. And I don't know about you, anon, but I'll write an entire novel for one friend who wants to know how it ends. I write because I love it, but I also write because I love other people too, and I like making them happy. tl;dr - Get up early to write. Yes, I know it sucks, but it really does work. - Find someone to talk about your stories with. A friend, a beta, a fellow fan. Shared enthusiasm is a wonderful motivator. I'm not going to guarantee what works for me will work for everyone. I do strongly encourage you to give it a try though, because you never know! It took me a long time to get where I'm at. Part of that was not knowing I had ADHD till I was 30, so I was stuck fighting an invisible enemy. And then I had to learn how to work around it, which wasn't an easy thing to do. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, and to do what you can. If you're lucky it won't take you quite as long as it took me, but if writing is something you enjoy, then you'll be able to carve out a place for it. It just might take some trial and error to get there. I believe in you ❤

[creekfiend]

Just wanted to say thanks for "people from culturally Christian backgrounds" because that seems like a good way to phrase it, and I'm going to try to remember to use it when I'm talking about this sort of thing. (I try to not be a dick to people, when possible, and trauma's messy and complicated.) I'm sorry that some people are being horrible in this whole discussion, and I hope you are doing okay.

I'm doing fine! I really sympathize with most of the people involved in this tbh (except the outright antisemites of course lol) bc like I HAVE seen a lot of reactive and reductive and unkind blanket statements about this by some jumblr people in which they are condescendingly explaining other people's realities to them. Which is my LEAST favorite thing. Jumblr can also be really... umm, dog pile-y in a way that I find frustrating and unproductive. However. I think it's also fairly obvious that most of these reactions are trauma responses, and while that isn't an excuse it is an explanation and provides additional context that I do not feel is irrelevant. For jews we have constantly been told 'well simply stop being jewish' like all the time by everybody, often at gunpoint. So like, when I see nonjewish atheists assert that stuff jews are TELLING you they have gone through "literally never happens" that ALSO REALLY SUCKS. like so so bad. Cannot overstate how much that sucks. Cannot overstate how much it sucks to see ppl I sympathize with deeply wrt their mistrust and hatred of like, organized religious authority, align themselves with people who refer to jewish atheists as "religious nationalists" for refusing to divorce themselves from their ethnic backgrounds/culture/community/traditions. That rhetoric is Just antisemitism in a form that has been used to cause real and violent harm to us in living memory.

Also really alienated by the idea that one must be This Vitriolically Angry About Religion to "count" as an atheist. Like what? That is bonkers. I do not understand why the people making seemingly reasonable posts about "actually here's some interesting writings by people from Islamic cultures or majority Hindu cultures or orthodox jewish cultures outlining the ways that the authorities in these societies have used religion to cause harm on a systemic level" (objectively true) seem to be aligning themselves with people who are doing the SAME THING TO JEWS that they resent being done to them -- e.g. condescendingly explaining to us that our negative experiences with a certain type of atheists Don't Exist or Don't Count or cannot possibly be rooted in antisemitism.

I find the whole thing depressing and troubling. I don't tend to follow jumblr because of the aforementioned issues I have w it but this backlash seems to me to be disproportionate and really hateful in a way that... combines poorly with the increased antisemitic sentiments being lobbed at jews from all ideological sides recently. I wish we could all be more congizent of 1. the role trauma is playing here for everyone and 2. the inherent lack of productive discussion that can be had when two parties are simply Trauma Responsing at each other back and forth endlessly.

Then there's the people who just get super aggressive about people "believing fake things" but I'm not sure there's any help for them. Sure wish that the nonjewish atheists who are not like that would disavow them though! I certainly am more than happy to say "acknowledging a cultural/societal dynamic that privileges one religion and culture as default and that existing in thay culture might cause people to have unexamined assumptions about other religions and cultures" should not be weaponized against individual people in order to bully them by insisting they are a thing that they manifestly are not (atheists aren't Christians. The fact that atheists from Jewish backgrounds will have Jewishness shackled to them regardless of their degree of identification with Being A Jew is actually bad and a function of antisemitism; it is not an aspirational dynamic we should be applying to other people simply because their cultural background is privileged over our own in our society.)

Like can we stop talking past each other and try to understand where people are coming from

People are expressing a lot of hurt and anger about atrocities and systems of oppression that I ultimately feel are totally interconnected. Because of this hurt and anger most people are not being precise in their language or prioritizing connecting or actual dialogue about this and instead focusing on dogpiling and gotchas. It's discouraging.

I'm a secular humanist jew with complex feelings towards both jewishness and atheism as concepts and movements. I want to understand and connect with people based on our common ground.

This is I guess all me being a big baby who is unsuited to internet fights but this one specifically feels really hurtful to me because I feel like my reality is being ignored and denied. I suspect a lot of people are also feeling that way. Which might be a good place to START the discussion to be honest.

[hello-there-world]

hey, thought about William's backstory in the Rewrite...and Boy is it sad, but it Does explain a lot about why he's...Like That.

like...i have a few categories that my favorite villains go into. two of those are:

Sympathetic, But In The "You Understand How They Got To This Point, But It Doesn't Excuse Their Actions" Sense.

Sadistic Fuckers Who Are Doing Evil Shit 'Cause It's Fun To Them.

Rewrite!William technically fits in both of these categories, but the latter one is much more prominent post-Springlock.

like. his backstory is tragic, but that doesn't change the fact that he, y'know, 1) Killed A Bunch Of Children, Including His Own Son, and 2) After He Was Springlocked, He Straight Up Killed MULTIPLE Fazbear Employees, Maimed Several Others, And Attempted To Kill Both His Former Business Partner's OTHER Kid, As Well As One Of His Last Living Children.

with all that out of the way, let's get started with this man's horrible start to life:

so like. he was born to this really wealthy family in England on Feb. 14, 1941. had three older brothers and an older sister. off to a great start, right?

uh...wrong. parents? Sucked Ass. they're physically and verbally abusive, and care about Perfection above all else.

and William, the incredibly autistic child he was...well, he wasn't having a good time.

one of his few joys at home was the fact the property they lived on had a lot of rabbits and hares. Will would just go out there and play and chase the animals around. the fact that rabbits and hares became one of his special interests isn't surprising.

his other forms of escapism included drawing and reading in his room, especially picture books that had animals as the protagonists. drew a lot of furries cartoon/anthropomorphic animals

this guy's only real friends were his teachers, his older brother Joshua, and his younger sister Mary Anne. his other siblings were rather distant, We've Already Gone Over His Parents, and other kids his age think he's annoying/a Teacher's Pet. like. This Dude Was Lonely As A Kid. I'm Sure This Isn't Gonna Give Him Attachment Problems Where He Practically Clings To Anyone Else Who's Nice To Him!! Surely Not!! (see: Henry, Henry's kids, Claire, and the Afton Children)

but...William did have one other friend.

you see, for William's sixth birthday, his parents got him a pet rabbit (mostly so he'd quit fucking asking them), and William fucking adored that rabbit. loved it like it was his baby. i cannot overstate how much losing this rabbit would fuck him up.

for three years, William cared for that rabbit, treated it like it was a part of the family, and gave it the best life he could (William's parents told him that the rabbit was his responsibility). everything was going well.

...until some of Josh's friends came over one night.

it was an accident, ultimately. they came into William's room while he was in the middle of drawing and talking to his bunny. they made fun of him, about how much he seemed to care for this "stupid rabbit," and they picked up the rabbit and started messing around with it, despite Will's constant warnings to put it down and to be careful with it.

well, they weren't careful enough.

by the time Josh got into the room, William was screaming and crying, practically inconsolable, and the rabbit was laying on the floor, limp and lifeless. he pretty much told his friends "get the fuck out, what the hell is wrong with you?" as he tried to comfort his brother.

William never fully recovered. his parents were never much help, and his siblings just...didn't really know how to help. neither did his teachers.

but...he had his ways of coping. mostly, through drawing. William eventually came up with a concept of a children's book of his own, complete with a character: O'Hare, a lovely golden hare that lived in the countryside. they was silly, goofy, gave facts about hares and rabbits, and...they were loved by the creatures around them. it was William's own escapism fantasy, whether he realized it or not. it was his way of coping with everything, really.

but his father, upon finding William's many assorted pages of this hypothetical storybook, didn't see it that way. he saw it as a sign that there was something genuinely wrong with William.

the way his parents saw it, they had two options: send William off to an asylum or something to get him Mental Help (probably would've made things Much Worse, let's be real. considering shit's already pretty bad nowadays, i can't imagine it would've been ANY better in the 50s-60s. if anything, it was probably SO MUCH WORSE), but it would risk their reputation being ruined if news got out about it (because to my knowledge, if the family members of any well-known people were sent to asylums/had any major mental health problems, they kinda just tried to cover it up and make sure the public never knew), which, considering how close Josh and Will were, Josh would've made sure people knew. and their other option...send William off to Boarding School and just claim he was an "unruly child" if anyone asked.

they picked the latter (neither Josh nor Will were happy about it)

okay since it's getting late, quick summary of rest of the timeline:

William Has A Bad Time In Boarding School (starts fights, has a lot of breakdowns at night, staff is concerned)

William turned 15 and the Boarding School went "yeah, we aren't dealing with this kid on the Adolescent Hormones" and sent him back to his parents.

William's got more volatile emotions now (can get VERY sad and VERY angry quickly)

parents move the family to America because they think it'll help (it didn't, but now William can have a fresh start since no one knows him over here).

William turns 18, and his parents just kinda got him a car, threw a lot of money at him, and went "go to college or don't, we don't care, just gtfo of our house" and then he did that. kinda wanted to leave anyway.

drove to Utah and went to college there because it was pretty far from his parents (and family, but mostly his parents, who lived over in maybe NY), and then he just took some classes to see what he was interested in.

he learns he has a dormmate. Enter Henry Emily.

alright, there's the short version of the timeline. anyway it's late. have this.

Ooh! I really love this. I'd imagine all that kinda messed him up. I also bet he absolutely loved the pizzarias when he was working there, since he was more allowed to just be a kinda weird guy who loves rabbits and hares.

Until he started killing, of course.

[clunelover]

I’m a prolific re-watcher of shows, as a lot of us here are. I’ll rewatch anything I liked, with a couple exceptions - I hadn’t rewatched Breaking Bad since it aired. Tried once a couple years later and just couldn’t, felt too depressing knowing where it ultimately went. But recently I was tired enough of my favorites to give it a try again and it was kind of great because I’d forgotten so much of it…like, Fring is walking around with a box cutter, and until he used it, I had no knowledge of what he was going to do with it. Then he does it and I’m like "oh yeeeah I remember this now." Then once I finished the whole thing I also remembered why I didn’t want to rewatch it in the first place! Still good though.

Once I finished I remembered that I’d only watched the first two seasons of Better Call Saul, so now I’m catching up on that. Overall I’m loving it, with a couple quibbles -

1. Cannot overstate how much I don’t care about the cartel stuff. Esp cause you already know when so many of the people will die (not now) that it sucks out a lot of the dramatic tension. I cannot say I care much how Hector Salamanca ended up with that bell, or other such background matters being filled in.

2. How many of Jimmy’s escapades are going to hinge on someone having an address wrong (or being misled into having it wrong)! I think we’re up to three now!

This is a boring post but I’ve come this far so I’m posting it. Oh and the other show I won’t rewatch is Bojack Horseman. I love it but I’ve finally concluded that it’s actually bad for my mental health and always leaves me depressed.

[ladyalisette]

How to make your fan plushie: Part 2 - Fabric and Sewing

So. You got your pattern. You’re reasonably confident in what you got going on with it.

Time to pick a fabric.

Personally, I prefer to work in fleece for the main part. It’s got some advantages:

1) it doesn’t fray, so I don’t need to hem it. Since I’m doing all my sewing by hand, not having to hem this shit is VITAL to the continued existence of my carpal tunnel.

2) most fleeces are the same on both sides. You can’t fuck up the direction of a fur or the pattern or the shiny vs matte side, which imo makes them great beginner’s fabrics

3) they tend to stretch equally in both directions. This does, again, make your life easier because it means the plushie won’t distort weirdly during stuffing if you accidentally flipped a piece somewhere

4) soft, yet not so fuzzy that it will start obscuring the details. A lot of my work got small details going that you just cannot get on plush

Generally speaking, I buy my fleece at a local store, in person, if possible. It lets me touch the fabric, and hold up threads and other pieces to it to see if the colors much. BUT. if the internet is all you got? Go and use it, no shame in that.

Now, there are two other kinds of fabric I regularly use in plushie making: one is thin felt, and one is satin ribbon.

The felt is for flat, detailed applique work that would suck in fleece. You can only cut fleece so small before it starts disintegrating on you. Felt can be cut finer before you hit that point.

The lion is felt, because cutting the mouth in fleece would have been suffering.

The other thing is satin ribbon. Now, this does especially for ghosties, but you may use this knowledge as you please: it’s hard to make fabric glow. Fleece doesn’t look shiny, it doesn’t catch the light, the structure isn’t meant for it. Satin however does just that.

So if you have a detail on your plushie that you want to jump out, something that should glow and shine?

Like this?

Satin ribbon is your friend.

The contrast will let you approximate without having to fuck about with electronics, and satin ribbon comes in endless colors, many widths, and can often be bought by the meter.

Otherwise, depending on your subject, you may want embroidery floss (the XIV up there is embroidered on).

Then you bring it all home. You lay it flat on a surface of your choice (floor for me), and you trace all your pieces onto the fabric. I use both tailor’s chalk or a plain old ballpoint pen, depending on how dark my fabric is. Both work fine. Use what pleases you. Just note that if you need a lot of pressure to trace your pieces, you may distort/stretch the fabric by pulling on it

HOWEVER FOR THE CUTTING i cannot overstate how much a pair of dressmaking or fabric shears makes your life easier. They are handsdown the best sewing investment I’ve ever made, even if you need to handle them with a bit of care and can only use them for fabric, ever, they make it SO much easier to get good cuts. Expensive fabric markers you can skip but shears are so good. Get yourself some shears.

Anyhow, you trace your stuff, you cut your stuff, your result should look something like this:

(this is  Mr.Bean’s Teddy before assembly begins)

Now, if you’re new to this, my suggestion here would be to pin a few things together, see if the sides match up like you want them or if anything got stretched in the process. If you’re confident that it’s all to size?

Get your needle and your thread and get sewing. small pieces you may be able to just hold together, otherwise you can baste or pin them. I usually prefer pins.

I use bog standard thread, doubled up, knotted at the end and then I just...put everything right side together (meaning: the outside that you can see has the trace marks on it, the inside is pristine. Because the now-inside will be the outside once we flip this over) and sew ahead. My suggestion would be to use the trace line the line you sew along. It’s an easy marker to where your stitches should be and it’s there already anyways.

My preference for a stitch is a regular back stitch as explained here:

Now my method is to overlap the stitches a bit, so instead of going to the end point of the earlier stitch, i end up somewhere near the middle of it. I find that it makes a tighter, and more secure hold. As for stitch length: this depends on how big the thing you’re doing this, and your personal preference.

Also: do not let people tell you that you HAVE to go left to right or right to left or that it got anything to do with your dominant hand. Work in a way that is comfortable for you. I’ve switched directions between pieces, it’s really just a matter of what works for you, in that moment. So. you get going and you start putting your things together.

Just remember: you gotta turn that baby out later, so if you’re making an orb? Leave a seam somewhere only partially done, we’ll need that to flip it over. The size of the opening depends on how soft your fabric is and how much fabric you gotta pull through but better save than sorry. Sewing up a bigger hole later one makes no difference, but if you’re rough and rip apart your stitches in the process, the repair can be a real bitch. Knowing how much space you need again comes with experience.

[aplaceforsecrets]

12, 24, 28, and 33?

12. Edging or overstim?

Edging. I love overstim, especially the idea of overstimulating a partner until they're crying and begging for me to stop, but I much prefer edging my partners until they're just stupid with need, and then, you know... not letting them come. (Ideally. If they're into that, of course.) A personal favorite of mine is to make my partners beg to not come :) I love coming up with reasons that they shouldn't come, and then making them beg me to deny them before I let them stop touching themselves :))

(I might be a little bit of a monster.)

24. What kind of nudes are your favorite?

I'm so easy, you have no idea XD Uhmmmm

The kind taken for me? XD Orrrr you know, nudes with some bdsm... stuff. Like redness or marks (all the better of they're because of me), or in poses like on their knees, or their mouth open with their tongue out, that kind of thing XD

But really I cannot overstate how much I like all kinds of nudes, just in and of themselves XD

(A naked hot person! Being shown to me!)

(!!!)

28. How do you feel about pain, either giving or receiving?

Giving: I love it. So much. Number two kink, after like, d/s more generally. I love making people hurt just so, so much. Makes me lowkey feel like I'm going out of my mind. One of the kinks I have that I need to be careful with because my love of pain is fairly unbounded, so I need to be careful and actually pay attention to my partner instead of my own libido so I don't make them safeword or (much worse) go over their limits. But yes, god, I love pain so much. All kinds: impact play ~everywhere, genital/tit torture with things like clothespins and nipple clamps and weights, sensation play like tiger balm/menthol/peppermint oil/stinging nettles on... various places, predicament bondage with bits tied to other bits, large object insertion, face slapping, electrostim, gosh, am I missed anything? I must be. If it's something that doesn't break the skin or permanently mark someone, I probably love it XD

I have no idea why but just hhhhhhhh

Receiving: Eh. I've bottomed for impact play twice now, and my official stance is like... "this sucks" XD Not like, hugely, triggeringly sucks. Just like, sucks. Not a fan of pain.

33. How far out does your cnc kink extend?

Depends on how we're talking. For now at least, I don't think I'm comfortable topping a cnc scene. I'm so scared about hurting my partner, them (pretending) to resist and suffer would probably trigger me badly enough I'd need to safeword out. For the same reason, fantasies of topping a cnc scene also isn't something I'm super interested.

But if we're talking in like, fiction? Like.... pretty far! Like, I'm talking the c-less, never-c kind of cnc. Honestly, I might even prefer that to the like... stockholm syndrome kind? Abduction, blackmail, enslavement, non-consensual body modification, all the hardest kinks on a captive...

I guess actually, here are some things I really don't like in cnc stories:

drug-based cnc. So like, for abductions, slipping something into the other person's drink is a bit :|| And sexual acts on a drugged-unconscious captive is a serious turn off. (Aphrodisiacs and sex pollen kind of stuff is a big plus)

use of the word "rape". I just... cannot handle that at all.

things that resemble real world domestic abuse too closely (hard to describe, but I know it when I see it)

beating someone up (like literally punching or kicking them in the face or the side, that kind of thing)

male tops (double-standard, I know). Not 100% of the time, but def puts it on the edge for me

penetrative sex when the bottom isn't aroused by it

Such a weird, finicky looking list, really >.>

But yeah, as an example, this story is like So CNC, but is still a favorite:

[evil-eyedlurker]

I answered this poll when it was initially made in June. I got LASIK in August and am now approximately two months post-op. I have some... let's say strong opinions about this post, specifically about some of the responses.

Firstly, to anyone who said they wouldn't get LASIK because they like wearing glasses, I'm really glad! It's great that you enjoy wearing glasses and that you like the way you look with them. The same goes for those who like wearing lenses. (And, hey, same hat, since I still wear coloured lenses myself!) I wish all of you nothing but the best!

Secondly, to anyone who said they want to get LASIK, I hope you will be able to, one day! And if you said you would have wanted to get surgery, but you are not an appropriate candidate for it and so can't get it, I'm really sorry. That absolutely sucks. I wish all of you nothing but the best!

And lastly, to anyone else who said they wouldn't get LASIK because the surgery scares them *personally*, that's okay and understandable! It's not a feeling I relate to, or ever related to even pre-op, but I get it. Eyes are squishy and sensitive, and it is quite literally instinct for the vast majority of people to not want anything in or even near them, let alone something like a laser. I wish all of you nothing but the best!

Now, with my mostly positive thoughts out of the way, it's time for me to get a little bitchy instead. I'm putting this under a read more since from this point onwards this is pretty much just the personal, somewhat unhinged rantings of a nihilistic transhumanist with OCD and mild anger issues. Cool? Okay, cool.

My eyesight started going to shit when I was about eleven. I understood that I needed to go to an eye doctor when I began having trouble reading the whiteboard at school. I did not mention this to anyone for *months*. I did this because I didn't want to wear glasses.

Eventually, my grades started to suffer, and with my constant squinting in class, my teachers put two and two together, and my parents were informed. They took me to an eye doctor.

I knew for a fact that I needed glasses, but even as I went into my appointment I was praying that it was somehow a fluke and that the doctor would tell me that my eyesight was just fine, actually. When the doctor gave me a prescription instead, I started sobbing.

I hated having to wear glasses. When I looked in the mirror with them on, I looked *so* wrong to myself. My first pair I used as sparingly as possible, only putting them on during classes and immediately taking them off afterwards. When my eyesight got bad enough that I had no choice but to wear glasses constantly is when I truly started to dissociate from how my face looks.

I cannot overstate how much I despised wearing glasses.

I asked to try out lenses as soon as possible, and my first attempt was an unmitigated disaster. It took an hour for me to put them on, and then an hour and a half more to take them out. But I was fucking determined.

I slowly, stubbornly learned to suppress my blinking reflexes. It takes less than a minute now, for me to both put them on and take them out.

But still, it was extremely difficult for me to wear lenses on a regular basis. It wasn't even because they would dry out my eyes, or that they were less effective at fixing my vision than glasses were. I just did not have the energy or executive function necessary to use them regularly. Pre-op, I probably wore lenses only twice a month or so.

I was so happy when I learned what LASIK was, so, *so* fucking happy. And a few years after, when my mom got the surgery, I became so hopeful, as her surgery went well.

I feel so goddamn lucky that I was a perfect candidate for the surgery. My eyes, despite being on the smaller side, are a good shape and, more importantly, my cornea is much thicker than average, a genetic trait which makes it very easy to perform LASIK on. It's why my mom's surgery went so well.

Still though, I had to wait for years to be eligible for the surgery myself, since you can't get it until your eye prescription stabilises (if it ever does, that is). I finally got approved during this year's check up with my eye doctor, and my surgery was scheduled for the very next day. And I nearly had a nervous breakdown at the hospital.

Because of this stupid fucking post. Or because of some of the stupid fucking responses to this post, more accurately.

------

"LASIK is so dangerous, there are so many risks, there are so many side effects, it will ruin your life, it will make you go completely blind!!"

Actual studies and statistics on LASIK patients either do not support these assertions or show that they are over exaggerations. You are fearmongering.

"LASIK is just so new, we don't know the long term consequences, people should wait for the procedure to advance further!!"

LASIK has been around since 1998. That was 26 years ago. That's over a quarter of a century. What the fuck are you talking about.

Hell, do you actually even know how much LASIK has been improved over the years? I got my surgery 8 years after my mom's, and comparing our experiences was how *we* realised just how much had changed. Better medication, better machines, better standard protocol... just damn, it's not even close!

"LASIK is temporary, you are going to need glasses as you get older anyways!!"

Literally nothing is permanent.

Hair dye is impermanent. It's something that has to be regularly reapplied.

Tattoos aren't completely permanent. They will fade, over time, and require touch ups.

IUDs will need to be replaced. So will penile implants. And pacemaker generators. And many, many, *many* other types of medical implants, machines, devices, etc.

All types of bodily ability and function are impermanent. Everyone who lives long enough will eventually become disabled in one way or another.

Life itself is not permanent. So really, what's your goddamn point here? That all of these things are inherently bad and worthless? I hope not, for your sake.

"Have you ever noticed how eye doctors never get LASIK themselves? Isn't that telling."

Here are two reasons why an eye doctor who wears glasses and/or lenses might not get LASIK:

1- They personally like wearing glasses and/or lenses.

2- They are not an appropriate candidate for the surgery, and are literally unable to get it.

Moreover, two out of the five attending surgeons who operated on me had previously gotten LASIK themselves. You are not only extremely bias, you are low-key a conspiracy theorist. Shut the ever-loving fuck up.

------

Now, I called bullshit on all of these responses the first time I came across this post. Hell, when I called my mom the very same day, I mentioned the things some people were saying about LASIK, and we laughed over how ridiculous they were together.

But the funny thing about something like OCD, especially of the unmedicated kind, is that it doesn't give a fuck about logic. All of this discouraging rhetoric got stuck in my head, like a broken record, and I wasn't able to shake it off no matter how hard I tried to reason with my own brain.

And so, on the day that I got approved for LASIK, I almost refused it. Because of the intrusive thoughts, the anxiety, the doubt that this post created in my brain. I nearly didn't get this surgery that I had been waiting for for fucking years because a bunch of ignoramuses on tungle.hellsite triggered my OCD that badly.

My mom had to *talk me into* this thing that I had been dreaming of for so long. And holy fucking shit, am I glad she did.

I am so satisfied with LASIK. I love the way I look now, without glasses. I love the convenience of not having to wear lenses every day. I can see so far away and so clearly, even better than when I wore glasses pre-op. The stars are so much brighter now, and when I look at the moon, I finally understand how other people can see a man's face, or hands, or a hare.

And I nearly didn't get to experience any of this happiness because somebody who I thought was all around a pretty reasonable person put this goddamn post on my dash and paired it with the most condescending tags they could have written. Like how LASIK was "just soooo dangerous" and they "could neevveerrr possibly take such a huuuugeee risk". Fuck off, dickhead.

Twenty minutes. That's how long it took for me to be out of the operating floor. Fifteen minutes of it was spent waiting; ten for the surgeons, another five for a patient before me.

Five minutes. That was it. That's how long the surgery took. And you wanna know just how much pain I felt? None. Zero. There was no pain, because they fucking give you medicine for it beforehand. They had the slightest of trouble getting the suction rings on due to how small my eyes are. It was *mildly* uncomfortable. Then, I had to look into a green light surrounded by red for a bit. The surgeons used a lot of eye drops. I literally had casual conversation with them as they operated on me. A minute later it was over, and not ten more later I was out of the hospital.

This is what I had sleepless nights over. This is what you fuckers had me worrying about. Five goddamn minutes of slight discomfort. I should have been feeling joy when I got approved, not doing my best to stave off a mental breakdown as I hyperventilated in my doctor's office. I'll never forgive any of you assholes for this.

And if anyone, even one single person, is still with me, I just want to tell you this:

Your bodily autonomy is absolute. You have every right to exercise it in whatever manner you wish to. Do not let others or their thoughts dictate how you (don't) change or alter yourself/your body, especially not when they are so grossly misinformed about a topic, such as so many of the people on this post. But also, never forget your own capacity to *be* that misinformed person, and keep in mind that others' bodily autonomy is also absolute to themselves and themselves alone. Just please, do your best to be aware of how your words and beliefs might be affecting the people around you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk or whatever the fuck.

[mamawasatesttube]

you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually

[kwaggysshardmindemporium]

So I was in a slightly different work situation where I couldn't be on my phone much, and that means I'm like a week behind on albumposting. So here's a huge one:

Apparently where I left off was The White Stripes according to my site history, so that makes the next one So by Peter Gabriel. Was good. Has his ginormous hit "Sledgehammer" on it, which is a ginormous hit for a reason. This was like a week ago at this point so that's about all I remember, but I gave it a 4/5.

Next up, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, no points for guessing the artist. I *like* the bits after each track of audio from a classroom where a teacher talks about what the next topic is gonna be, but it definitely gives the album a kind of weird pace because you'll be listening to a fun song and as it fades out and you're eagerly awaiting the next one you instead get a minute or two of only kinda related whatever. Still though, the tunes are good and unlike most albums I've listened to through this that had between-track skits they had a clear POINT and also none of them were painfully awkward audio of the artist getting their dick sucked. (I'm reasonably certain Lauryn Hill doesn't have a dick anyway, but I'm even more confident that if she did she STILL wouldn't have put audio of her getting sucked off on this record as a skit.) Cannot overstate how refreshing that is because LITERALLY every album this list has given me so far with inter-track skits includes one or more of them being the artist getting blown. Aaaaanyway tangent over 4/5 it's good.

Next! The Age of Understatement by The Last Shadow Puppets. Never heard of this one before, but man did it whip ass. It's basically a lost Arctic Monkeys record, and damn did it rock. 5/5. Probably my favorite thing in this grouping here.

Now, Fuzzy by Grant Lee Buffalo. Little bit like the Pixies' softer stuff. Very calming and nice. Not a lot to say about it. 4/5

Like Water For Chocolate, by Common. I just didn't really vibe with this one. It's certainly not bad but it didn't really do much for me. "A Song For Assata" was good. 3/5

Then yesterday was Slanted and Enchanted by Pavement. It's another album where it's the sonic equivalent of sticking your hand in styrofoam packing peanuts, and thus earns the same rating every one of them gets: 3/5.

Today, finally caught up, was Black Holes and Revelations by Muse. An album I'd actually heard a bunch of songs from already from back when I used Pandora in my late teens and got a lot of Muse. Some of it I like a little less than I did then, some a little more. "Knights of Cydonia" I like a LOT more because I was introduced to it through Guitar Hero and it just isn't a super fun song in those games. Listening to it all with fresh ears really makes me appreciate that Muse is such a good fucking band man. 4/5, plus an apology to KoC for having the misfortune of meeting me in an unfortunate method shine on you good little song you.

[catgirlthecrazy]

ao3 wrapped: 3, 29, and 30

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Ooooh, tough call. If I had to pick one, it's probably The Art of the Possible. I've gotten so many comments from people saying that it made them feel seen, or that it helped them understand their own sexuality better, or that it helped them figure they were asexual, period. I cannot overstate how touching that is to hear as an author, especially since other people's fics have done the same thing for me in the past. 

(Honorable mention goes to Cradle These Shattered Remnants for being the first multi chapter fic I've actually finished in literal years).

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Ugh, there you go again, making me pick a favorite child T.T

I will say, that this particular section from Cradle remains the most cathartic scene I've ever written (reminder: Caleb is Feebleminded during all of that): 

"It is a shame," Ikithon continues, slowly ramping up the force on Essek. "I rather enjoyed working with you. But I think it is clear that this partnership of ours has outlived its usefulness." 

The giant's hand presses harder, and Essek's bones start to creak with excruciating pain. He feels like a lump of clay being pressed flat by two plates. He would scream if he had the air for it. 

Someone else screams instead. Forgotten until now, Caleb barrels into Ikithon, wildly swinging the beacon on its tripod like a battle-frenzied orc with a maul. It catches the Archmage in the stomach, sending him crashing to the ground.  

Immediately, the force holding Essek vanishes. He collapses in a heap against the wall, gasping for breath. Somewhere very far away, Ikithon is yelling and Caleb is still screaming, but all Essek can do is focus on sucking in that sweet, life-giving air. 

He looks up just in time to see Caleb bring the beacon down on Ikithon's head with a hideous wet crunch. 

Ikithon doesn't move after that. Still yelling, Caleb bashes his head in again. And again. And again. And again. Essek has the distinct impression that Caleb will keep going until he's too exhausted to continue– and maybe even beyond that.

Inside me, there are two wolves. One thinks that it's ultimately more satisfying for Ikithon to be brought to justice and his crimes exposed in the light of day. The other thinks Caleb should get to murder that son of a bitch. As a treat.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Probably the intensity of the response to The Art of the Possible. As mentioned above, it struck a major chord with aspec readers in a way I was not expecting at all. Maybe that was foolish of me, but I didn't think of it as a fic about aspec issues when I was writing it. The story drew pretty heavily on anecdotes I've read (mostly on advice forums) from people in relationships where one partner has a much higher sex drive than the other, and that's not an issue unique to aspec people. On the other hand, the solution that Essek and Caleb come up with was inspired by a story from an allo guy on reddit about how he made things work with his ace wife, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised 😅.

Ao3 wrapped ask meme

[yeenybeanies]

Family Visits

damn i guess i never posted this from my patreon?? wild ocs | clayton hess, lake hess, & nathan o'rourke 2,244 words no significant warnings!! likes < reblogs!! thanks for reading!! patreon ✨ ko-fi

Clay’s ear swiveled slowly as he worked, tracking the sound of hooves thumping through the grass. Every so-often he would glance over his shoulder to check on the source of the noise: his nephew, Lake, gleefully frolicking about. After the train ride from the herd to Clay’s home, Clay didn’t blame the little centaur for needing to stretch his legs. He bucked and reared and rolled in the grass, giggling with unrestrained joy. Clay took a moment to watch him. Had he ever been that energetic in his youth? He didn’t think so. Lake’s reserves were boundless, it seemed.

“Hey, Uncle Clay!” Lake asked suddenly. He stood up from his roll and shook himself off, though blades of grass still clung to his wild hair. “There are humans that live nearby, right? Can we please go see them? I’ve never met a human before!”

Oh boy.

Clay rubbed the back of his neck and sucked a breath in through his teeth. He knew this question would come eventually. Lake was a curious boy; of course he’d want to meet the humans in the neighboring town. The idea made Clay nervous. It wasn’t that he thought that Lake would intentionally try to hurt anyone; quite the opposite. Lake didn’t have a mean bone in his body. What made Clay nervous was the fact that Lake was still very young. Like all other centaurs his age, he could be clumsy at times, not watching where he put his hooves, bumping into things, being too rough with his hands.

“Not today, kiddo,” he said. “I gotta let ‘em know you’re here first, so you don’t go scarin’ ‘em too much. You gotta be extra careful around ‘em, too.”

“What if I promise to be super duper careful?” Lake looked up at him with those big brown eyes, the spitting image of his mother. Unfortunately, though, Clay grew up with his mother. He was immune to her pleading looks, and, therefore, immune to Lake’s. He shook his head.

“Not today. You gotta practice.”

“Aw, come on, Uncle Clay! What do I have to practice for? Mom told me that you’d let me see them!”

Clay chuckled and shook his head. “Gotta practice just… bein’ near ‘em,” he said with a shrug. “I cannot overstate just how easy it can be to accidentally hurt ‘em.”

Lake huffed and jutted his lower lip out in a pout, but didn’t argue further.

“Cheer up, son!” Clay said. He ruffled the boy’s hair, shaking out some of the grass. Lake ducked away from his hand, giggling through his protests. “There’s still daylight. Hows about, when I finish sortin’ this fruit, I take you down to Joyelette’s River.”

That did the trick. All traces of Lake’s pout vanished. His excitement came back in full, manifesting in a few joyous bucks. He returned to his frolicking, and Clay resumed his work.

***

As was to be expected, their little adventure was a resounding success. They’d spent nearly two hours at Joyelette’s River and in the surrounding megaforest. Clay relished the cool waters a bit more than he’d thought he would. It got him thinking that maybe he was working a little too hard. Someone had to do it, though; it wasn’t like he had anyone else on his land to help him out. Who, if not him, was going to tend to the orchards and the bees and the megafauna? Who was going to help the humans with their tasks that a centaur could do with a fraction of the time and effort?

...Okay, maybe he did have a lot on his plate. Maybe he ought to have Lake over more often, if the young centaur showed any interest in Clay’s particular lifestyle.

But that was something to be discussed later, perhaps when Lake was older.

By the time Clay’s home came into view, the pair were still shaking off the last traces of river water from their manes and tails. Lake was somehow still brimming with energy. He bounced around, chattering and asking questions about the land, talking a mile a minute. His curiosity was endearing, if not a bit overwhelming. Clay tried his best to keep up, but any longer-winded answers––meaning more than a few words––he had were often cut off by another question, or by Lake bolting away.

“Uncle Clay!” Lake said suddenly. Clay turned his head to the boy, ears perked. Lake stood facing Clay, pawing at the dirt with one hoof. “Race ya to the big tree!” He declared. The tree in question stood tall in Clay’s front yard, hiding a portion of his home behind its massive canopy.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s a fair race,” he said with a wave of his hand. “You’d beat me easily. Go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

He didn’t have to tell Lake twice. The little centaur spun around with a hop and sprinted off, leaving Clay to follow behind in a relaxed walk. Lake didn’t make it far, though, before he skidded to a halt. Clay didn’t pay it much mind at first, figuring the kid had seen an animal or an odd-looking mushroom––something to distract him from his initial goal. But then Lake pointed and shouted something that made Clay’s heart stop: “Look! Is that a car? Is there a human here?”

Before Clay could react, Lake sprinted off even faster than before, careening towards the vehicle in question. To make matters worse, he recognized the vehicle. It was O’Rourke’s truck.

“Wait––no!” Clay sprang forward, rushing after his runaway nephew. “Lake, stop!” But his words went either unheeded or unheard.

O’Rourke had only pulled up a few minutes ago. He was wandering about the pathway leading up to the house, looking for Clay. “Hess?” He called out. The old centaur was usually working still at this time, so he expected that Clay would be somewhere outside. The ground beneath him started to rumble, drawing O’Rourke’s confusion. He glanced down with furrowed brows, watching pebbles rattle with increasing intensity. Briefly he pondered if the shaking was from an earthquake (which was ridiculous; this part of the country didn’t get earthquakes) or from an approaching centaur. Clay’s distant shout answered that question for him. His head snapped up sharply, eyes wide and spotting not Clay, but another, unfamiliar centaur. This one looked smaller, though, of course, still far larger than any human. Behind him, O’Rourke spotted Clay. Both of them were running his way. It almost looked like Clay was chasing the smaller one…

“Oh shit…” the old man muttered to himself.

“Aw shit…!” Clay said through gritted teeth. Clay spotted O’Rourke. The human was directly in Lake’s path. Clay pushed harder, pumped his legs faster. He sent up huge clumps of dirt and grass with every step. “LAKE!” He tried again. He was nearly caught up to his nephew, but there was little time left.

The centaurs showed no signs of stopping, or even slowing down. O’Rourke, for the first time in a long time, felt a trickle of fear crawl up his spine.

Clay, with one final push, came up beside Lake and threw his arms around his secondary chest. He pitched his weight to the side, yanking Lake right off of his hooves. Unable to slow down so quickly, he used the extra momentum and threw himself to the ground, landing heavily on his side with Lake in his arms. The two of them rolled to a messy stop, stirring up a large dust cloud around everyone. Clay remained still as a statue for a long moment, holding onto a very shocked and startled Lake.

“You okay?” He mumbled quietly. “Nothing broken?”

“N-no, I’m fine, Uncle Clay…” The young centaur answered.

Clay released Lake and pushed himself to his belly. “O’Rourke?” The anxiety in his voice was palpable. Desperately Clay scanned the grass, dreading that he might see the old man reduced to a red mess. “O’Rourke,” he said, more forcefully.

A hand shot up from the grass. He leaned over and very gently took that hand between his thumb and forefinger, giving O’Rourke something to use to pull himself up. Once the old man was up on his feet again, Clay bowed his head in relief and let his arms drop to the ground (mindful of O’Rourke) with a dull thud. He sighed out a heavy “Thank the skies.”

“Skies above…” O’Rourke said. He leaned against Clay’s knuckles, his own head bowed, and took a few breaths to steady himself. “Hess, I’m not so young anymore; you’re gonna give me a damn heart attack…!”

Clay grimaced and glanced up at O’Rourke. “We didn’t hurt you, did we?” He wasn’t sure that he’d be able to forgive himself if he had.

“No, no,” the old man said. He gave Clay’s knuckle a few pats, then pushed himself off to stand on his own, albeit still a bit shaky. He brushed his hands down his clothing, trying to dust off the dirt he’d accumulated in the commotion. “Just gave me a bit of a fright. But I’m glad you said ‘we,’ ‘cos I thought I was goin’ crazy when I saw two of you.”

“Er, yeah. O’Rourke, this is Lake, my nephew,” Clay said. He leaned back a little, letting Lake peek around him. The young centaur stared down at O’Rourke with wide, curious eyes and alert ears. His cheeks were flushed, both from exertion and from embarrassment.

“H-hello, mister. Lake Hess. Sorry if I scared you… I’ve just never met a human before.”

O’Rourke chuckled. “Hello, Lake. I’m Nathan O’Rourke. Your uncle’s a good friend of mine, so I’ll let you off the hook this time.” He could tell that Lake was young, so he couldn’t hold any malice or ire, even if he wanted to. He looked between the two centaurs, noting the family resemblance. “You said that you’ve never met a human before, hm?”

“No, sir,” the young centaur answered. “The herd I’m from doesn’t really go near human towns very often, and when we do, it’s only ever a few of the older centaurs that’ll go talk to 'em.”

“Ah, the herd,” O’Rourke mused. He rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. “I’ve heard a little about them. Same one you’re from, I assume?” he asked Clay.

“Yes, that’s right,” Clay responded. “Left many years ago. Herd life wasn’t for me.”

“Right, so you’ve told me.” O’Rourke pondered this information for a moment, then clapped his hands together. “Well! It’s nice to meet you, Lake, even if you two did scare a few years out of me.” He winked and gave Clay a mirthful smile when he noticed the older centaur’s guilty grimace.

“Apologies again,” Clay said. “I was going to let you and the rest of the town know tomorrow that he was visiting.”

O’Rourke waved off the repeated apology. He pushed his way through the waist-high grass until he stood in front of the two centaurs, where he could better see Lake. “Well, I’ll be sure to pass the word along. How long are you going to be with us, young man?”

Lake blinked and gave his uncle a quick glance before answering. “A month or so, mister, i-if the townsfolk don’t mind. I’ll be careful, promise.”

“I’ll teach him to be careful,” Clay corrected, giving his nephew’s hair a hard ruffle.

“I’m sure you will,” O’rourke said with a chuckle. “Best one to do it, I reckon. I can probably convince a couple of the younger folk in town to help too.” Clay raised a brow in confusion, prompting him to continue, “How’s the boy supposed to learn if he’s not around any humans?”

“Er… I’m not so sure if that’s a good idea…” Clay said skeptically. Based on his first interaction with a human, having Lake around more so soon made him nervous.

“Sure it is!” O’Rourke said with a dismissive wave. “It’ll be fine. The boy said he’ll be careful, and you and I’ll both be there to guide him!” He beamed up at Clay, who seemed unconvinced. “‘Sides, some of the townsfolk need to get over their nervousness around your kind anyhow.”

Clay wasn’t so sure about that. It was understandable for humans to fear centaurs; the size disparity between the two species was immense. The possibility of a human getting caught underhoof was very real, even if such instances were incredibly rare. Centaurs were typically known to be gentle giants, though Clay still thought it smart for humans to keep their distance.

“I’d like that, Uncle Clay!” Lake exclaimed, dragging Clay from his thoughts. He looked between his nephew and O’Rourke, feeling helpless.

“I’ve never been able to stop O’Rourke from doing… anything,” Clay relented with a sigh. “Alright. I’m fine with it. But you––” he looked pointedly at Lake, “––are going to listen to me and do everything I say, understand?”

Lake nodded eagerly, grinning ear to ear. His excitement was palpable.

“Great!” O’Rourke said with a smile of his own. “I’ll see who I can round up, and coordinate with you from there. Until then, though, would ya give me a lift, Hess?”

Clay hesitated a moment, as he often did, then lowered his hands to the ground in front of O’Rourke. “Watch now, Lake,” he said. O’Rourke obliged with the demonstration and stepped over Clay’s fingers, to his palm. He settled down on his knees and gave the calloused skin beneath him a pat. “It’s important to keep steady,” Clay continued, “No sudden moves so you don’t drop ‘em.” His fingers curled in slightly as he lifted O’Rourke, bringing the old man up to chest height.

Lake watched with obvious fascination and awe, marveling at just how tiny O’Rourke looked in Clay’s hands. O’Rourke was perfectly at ease, comfortable right where he was.

“Like I said: best one to teach these things.” O’Rourke extended a thumbs up, then let his hand fall back to his side. “The young ‘un’s gonna be just as good as you in no time. Nothin’ to worry about.”

Clay… still felt uneasy about the whole thing, but he kept his concerns to himself. He knew his nephew. Lake had good intentions; he just needed to temper his excitement.

“Right,” he said with a sigh. “We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, what can I do for you, O’Rourke?”

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Re: Star Wars prequel novelizations - the Revenge of the Sith book is genuinely one of the best things I have ever read and changed my life.

THANK YOU, anon, for reminding me about the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  I just reread it, and my crops are watered, my skin is clear, and — I cannot overstate this — I actually remember why I love Star Wars.  That love has been for too long stolen by The Fandom Menace sucking the life out of those movies to invent a new definition of suffering while digesting them slowly over a thousand years.

Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover is one of the greatest works of adventure fiction I have ever read, and it continues to inspire the way I write action sequences and character conflicts.  It does so damn much to transform a movie that is, to be honest, just okay.  There are a couple of big additions from the novel that make the whole Skywalker saga richer, and there are about five hundred little tweaks that deepen the lore in a way that shows that Stover loves Star Wars to the core.

First big addition: having Obi-Wan tell Padmé that he’s in love with Anakin. This is great because yay, queer representation!  But within the specific context of RotS, it also sets up the super-important contrast between Obi-Wan and Anakin.  Obi-Wan, Stover’s novel makes clear, is the quiet and unassuming embodiment of everything a Jedi is supposed to be: he’s selfless, loving, hard-working, and incredibly skilled with the Force.  Obi-Wan falls in love with Anakin, realizes that Anakin doesn’t love him back in that way, and... lives with it.  He spends time with Anakin, supports Anakin, enjoys Anakin’s company, and doesn’t act like the world will end if Anakin isn’t his.

Anakin loves Obi-Wan, in a siblinglike way, and he loves Padmé.  But he’s got a nasty habit of expressing that love through possession and control, through going behind Padmé’s back to “fix” her life without her permission.  Anakin falls in love with Padmé and immediately concludes that he cannot possibly live like this: they must begin a secret relationship, and he must both marry her and remain a Jedi.  Later he destroys the Jedi and eventually Padmé herself because he sees himself as having no way out of that dilemma.

And all the while, Obi-Wan is there in the background.  Also in love with someone with whom he cannot have a relationship, and just… dealing with it like an adult.  Because millions of people are in love with people who don’t love them back, and that’s just how it is sometimes.  It’s selfish to obsess over “having” their love at all costs.  For Anakin, that obsession with saving Obi-Wan and Padmé eventually leads to him killing them both.

When Yoda tells Anakin that he must deal with his fear of losing Padmé through letting go, Anakin takes this to mean “let her die.”  But what Yoda means is not “let her die,” but rather “love her the way Obi-Wan loves you: quietly, selflessly, and with a willingness to do what’s best for her, whether or not that means you get to have her.”  And Anakin never understands that, because Anakin’s view of the world is so intensely egocentric.

Second big addition: updating the Force to explain the Dark Side. Revenge of the Sith, even more so than any other Star Wars, is all about the contrast between the Dark Side and the Light Side.  Here, Stover’s contribution is brilliant; he makes the Dark Side egocentric and the Light allocentric.

Terminology! “Egocentric” in psych refers to the perspective that focuses on how the world affects you and how you affect the world.  At the extreme, egocentric thinking can be believing that a baby is crying in a deliberate effort to annoy you, or that every person in a crowded cafeteria will remember what shirt you wore when you ate there a week ago.  “Allocentric” refers to the perspective that the self is one of several disparate elements buffered around by the world.  At the extreme, allocentric thinking can be failing to realize that others are reacting to your presence, or viewing your own life as one thing you can give to help others.

Stover doesn’t use those terms, but he does describe how Dooku “drew power into his innermost being until the Force itself existed only to serve his will” (p. 64).  Later, Obi-Wan “gave himself to the living Force… the Force moved him, let him collapse as though he’d suddenly fainted, then it brought his lightsaber from his belt to his hand” (p. 285).  Dooku ultimately loses his fight against Anakin because he focuses on how everyone is responding to him, and misses that Anakin and Palpatine are beginning to build an alternate alliance right under his nose.  Obi-Wan ultimately wins his fight against Anakin because he allows the Force to shove him around, and sets aside his concern with both his own life and that of his best friend while fighting for the greater goal of peace.

Not only that, but Obi-Wan’s understanding of the Force moves beyond that of most Jedi.  He compares “the will of the Force” to “the will of gravity,” in essence stating that simply because it is beyond human comprehension doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its own rules.  One can be a Jedi without needing to understand the Force in the same way one can be a pilot without needing to be a physicist.  In RotS, we see that his refrain of “search your feelings” is a way of calling on a Force user to be mindful enough to accept realities that are already evident, if one can only allow oneself to have that knowledge.

Stover also uses these competing perspectives — allocentric and egocentric — to explain why the Jedi Order falls.  The tight control the Order exerts over the Jedi moves them away from the will of the Force and toward the will of the Council.  Its insularity creates a sense of superiority, which is the reason so many Jedi fail to see their clone troopers as threats until it’s too late. Stover tweaks the Jedi Purge scene to emphasize that the only reason Obi-Wan and Yoda survive is because of their selflessness.  Obi-Wan takes the time to befriend his alien mount, repeatedly confirming her well-being, and then she shields him with her body when his troopers open fire.  Yoda respects the Wookie command and puts himself in a position to assist rather than lead the resistance movement on Kashyyyk, meaning that when a fight breaks out between him and his troopers the Wookies don’t hesitate to side with him.  Yoda and Obi-Wan are the only two Jedi who truly give themselves to the service of others, and thus they are the only two to survive the Purge.

...and the million little favors this book does for the movie.

During the opening battle, having Obi-Wan tell Anakin to “use the Force” to fly a narrow trench and having Anakin roll his eyes at such an obvious suggestion.  It’s a callback to A New Hope, but one that drives home how much more the Force is integrated in the lives of Old Republic Jedi than it is in the lives of Imperial kids like Luke.

Fixing the minor continuity error from Episode III to Episode IV — why would Admiral Motti dismiss Vader as following outdated superstitions if there were millions of Jedi within his lifetime? — by explicitly stating that the Sith are considered a dead culture.  Ergo, Vader’s “ancient religion” isn’t the Force in general; it’s specifically the Sith creed.

Making Palpatine scarier and more seductive than he is in the movie.  Stover’s rhetoric about killing even the Jedi children is frighteningly rational and coherent, and he uses it to give Palpatine some stomach-churning speeches while corrupting Anakin.

Using the novel format for all it’s worth.  Stover skims over the physical-comedy elevator sequence in favor of having Dooku and Palpatine discussing their plans for the war.  He only tells us about Anakin’s conversation with Yoda after the fact, in scattered flashes as a panicking Anakin runs through the halls of the Jedi temple.  He gives us intense focus on Anakin’s mindset while trying to land the broken halves of Invisible Hand, less on what the ship itself is doing.  He cuts away from Anakin and Obi-Wan’s final battle, toward R2D2 and C3PO as they struggle to drag a dying Padmé into her ship out of a desperation to find some small way to help her.

Revealing that Palpatine spends the entire story trying to kill Obi-Wan.  This gets hinted at in the movie, but Stover includes several moments throughout Palpatine’s “rescue” from Dooku when Palpatine sets Obi-Wan up to die, and mentions like eight other attempts on Obi-Wan’s life as orchestrated by Palpatine.  It’s a great character addition, that Palpatine assumes he cannot get Anakin to fall unless he first eliminates Obi-Wan.

Expanding Padmé’s role in the movie (set dressing, and later refrigerator filling) by having her secretly organize and launch the Rebel Alliance right under Vader and Palpatine’s noses.

Those are just examples of how Stover clearly knows the Force, gets the Force, and strives to make the Force more internally coherent.  How he sometimes translates, sometimes preserves, and always improves the pacing and tone of the film.

I haven’t even touched on the FUCKING AMAZEBALLS imagery or introspection in the book yet, but this post is getting wicked long, so I’ll go ahead and leave it here for now.  Point is, all y’all should go out immediately and get a copy from your library and/or used bookstore, because Nonny is right and it’ll change your life.