#but i can't engage myself in anything else because i have to study

[slowishgreen]

.

[bihanslefttitty]

Bi-Han discourse.

When I had the old blog, I used to be very passionate about Bi-Han as a character, how he behaved, his role as a political leader and military rank eminence. With the handling the creators have given Bi-Han, I just can't find myself in the place to say anything else than they have just fumbled something with the potential to be incredibly interesting. Wether you hate him or love him, he is a character that evokes thought and arguments. But even being baptized in Khaos, being given a different destiny, the mantle of Sub Zero vacant... It was done in such a sloppy way my brain can't seem to find the time to care about what's next, except now. Months from the last time I posted something on the MK community, enough to probably no one knowing what I mean by other posts.

I think, him being nuanced and ambitious is a key part to understand him as a man, as an ally and as an enemy. Sometimes, I put him on the same spectrum as Havik and Shang Tsung when I think about resentment and opression over different things. Bi-Han resents being unable to not choose a destiny and the rules the game is going to be played, Havik resents being bound and forced into an order which makes him want to destroy as he sees fit for freedom, for Shang Tsung, it's the fact that something was taken off him and he was sent to live an specific life.

Bi-Han has been performing his duties for years, dissatisfied of it. Thinking over and over again of how an external force like Lord Liu Kang has so much power over them, yet no ambition. He's forced into idleness and he probably grew studying about men that would get honor and glory with their expansion and military conquests. I'm not sure how Outworld works in terms of conquest, but I imagine him envious of that. The thrill of earning something by himself, for himself and for his people. He's not afraid to share it, and likes when people he loves understand him. On the other side, he detests people that hold him back, and knowing sometimes they are, he prefers to protect his relationships, people´s loyalty and allies by lying or omitting information. He's not good, he's not bad either. He is a prideful man that will refuse to put his family in jeopardy unless it's necessary or after he has fulfilled his objective.

Someone so carefully planning. Someone who would hide and lie about the death of his father, a man that prioritizes earning his medals by merit and prideful kombat. Someone who praises his enemies and adores, no, lives for a challenge... I find it so disrespectful to Bi-Han to make him attack a wedding undercover. Because, yes, he lies. Yes he manipulates his people. But there is a consistent detail on him as a man. He likes respect. He will fight as a Lin Kuei warrior, make prideful remarks of the clan he leads, adore when adressed as Grandmaster (It only took Shang Tsung to adress him with respect). I think, even filled with bile against Kuai Liang, he would find him and engage in kombat with him. He is Bi-Han.

... Literally a man that jumped through a portal leading to his death to fight against a god. So if it is because of uneven odds... Bi-Han confronts people.

And he knows when damage has been done to him. Which leads me to the point in which he attacks Liu Kang and basically they nerf him... uh,,,,,,,,, Yeah super fucking disrespectful shit from the writers. Not only disrespectful with Bi-Han, but with Liu Kang as well. And the shift towards his controlling attitude is not even addressed by anyone other than the villain and maybe some Tomas's dialogue.

Either way, Bi-Han has been trashed enough. I love him as a character. I don't have anything else to say

[judesmoonbeauty]

hi!! i hope youre having a good day!! i was just curious (dont answer if you dont want to of course :)), but is japanese your first language? and if not, what is and how did you learn it? im very interested in learning languages and have been curious for a while on how to best start learning it :)

Hi Anon! I'm so sorry for the delayed response!!

So, English is my first language, and I am still currently learning Japanese myself. However, I've studied other languages progressively in the past, and I'm pretty much using the same methods to learn Japanese.

First, I think it's good to remember that what works for me may not work for everyone else because we all learn things differently, and at our own pace.

Before I jump into any language that I'm interested in, I look at the overall writing system of the language, and even look into whether or not it's a tonal language. If it is, does it have tonal markers within the written language to help with pronunciation? Things like that. Even taking the time to research the culture and dialects can help you to understand the language better.

If you can purchase a dictionary that would be helpful, but if you can't, try to find reliable resources online for assistance. For Japanese online dictionaries, I prefer Jisho.org and Japandict.com, and Romajidesu.com.

Length of Study: I tend to keep my sessions short (like 15 minutes max) because that's what works for me, and I try to concentrate on studying one thing well than multiple things all at once. But everyone's different, so if you can do more than great!

Set Small Goals: Like learning all the vowels first, then consonants, then tenses, or whatever you may want it to be.

Commend Yourself: I finally read this one line of Japanese all on my own without using a translator or dictionary. It was only one sentence and it's what some might have considered simple, but l still got excited and gave myself a pat on the back. Do that because each achievement deserves to be celebrated.

Study Methods: Nothing wrong with routine, but I tend to get bored with just one or two methods of study methods, so I try lots of different things to keep my studies fun and interesting.

Utilize flashcards. I love making flashcards for things like phrases, introductions, etc. I tend to practice saying the phrase I've got written on the card out loud too. And they're easy to make, no need to buy anything!

Writing Drills/Worksheets: Sometimes I have to do writing drills. Literally just repetitiously writing the alphabet, vowels, consonants, and words over and over again. But when I do this, I'm also making an effort to pronounce the word or letter or phrase that I'm writing. I feel like it helps me to memorize things more easily. You can usually find premade worksheets online. I've been looking into Tofogu.com recently and their site even has some quizzes! You can always crack open a notebook and fill the pages too, whatever tickles your fancy.

Engage in conversation with others who speak the language if you can. If you can't, then pretend to have a conversation with someone out loud. It might sound silly, but it's helped me with learning greetings and basic conversational skills in the past.

Listening to native speakers. Sometimes at work, I listen to native speakers who have dedicated YT channels for learning Japanese. Anime is a good option too!

Tossing a ball. I literally walk around the room tossing ball up in the air and catching it while I practice pronunciation. It's kind of like another way to drill things in my head whenever I'm feeling too antsy to sit still and focus.

Research. There are a lot of colloquial terms and idioms in other languages that don't always translate to whatever language we speak. If you're reading something and the translation doesn't make sense i.e. something like (He wore a cat), then pause and research until you're able to understand the expression. 'To wear a cat' in Japanese basically means that one is hiding their true nature by appearing to be innocent and harmless (like a cat)...just in case anyone was wondering.

Any way, the most important thing is to take your time, and do things at your own pace. I'm still in early stages of learning things myself with Japanese, but I hope this helps some!

I wish you all the best in your endeavors!

[moons-of-dewclan]

I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

[gomzdrawfr]

want to join the fandom cause it seems fun seeing fanarts and you and others interacting but I don't know how...and with the whole ai thing im scared...

my advice: just do it

really! sometimes all you really need is a leap of faith, and that was exactly how I dropped into the cod fandom. When I joined the ghoap discord server I talked to one of the artist I really like and respected from my lurking time (hi @bressynonym) aaaand the rest is history

I didnt know how to draw properly, nor digitally, all I did was scribbling on OneNote (yeah!) and rambled about cod characters, it is daunting and it is scary to interact but after a while? you may just be able to find someone to brainrot together with

start small, like commenting, reblogging, talking, chatting- doesn't have to be towards artist/writers, it could be the art/fic enjoyers!

you need to put yourself out there if you want something

as to if you want to start in the fandom as a creator, here's some more tips (which are all based on my experience, I am no pro at doing this, hell Im still learning myself, and I am by no means speaking these on behalf on others!)

establish a goal: what are you making? fandom based? original creations?

as with starting new, everything may take a while for stuff to happen, you'll feel like you're speaking to the void at times (esp with original arts, but do know that your stuff do get perceive by others as time goes, I would advise to draw fandom stuff as a beginning to get that boost going if you want! or else it's going to be quite hard to get things rolling)

imo this is hardest part of any new creator, you'll have to bear with it and try not to give up (but I understand how incredibly demotivating it could get, there were times when I stopped posting about Raven entirely, but eventually I post it anyway cuz surely someone out there will like them, it just takes a lot of patiences and perseverance)

btw, engagement can also vary from time to time, you may be booming for a bit, then suddenly you dont, it is a cycle that will bound to happen

take rest regularly, and I mean a break from social media because numbers, discourse and everything can get to you, very quickly (I cannot emphasise this enough)

the numbers are not worth it over your mental health (comes with practice to really solidify this thought)

study the algorithm (pain): see what other creators are doing to get where they are, what tags are they using in their post? what features/niche do people like?(this is, if you really want to grab some form of engagement, bcuz reminder in the end you are creating art for yourself first!)

example: I think posts would get more reach if you tag it with the ship name first, followed by the characters' name (doesn't work all the time tho)

that's the thing about algorithm, it is ever-changing, and you'll have to learn to adapt with it when it does!

expanding on that, studying algorithm could be about ships (for example, ghostsoap is most popular in the fandom), or really good rendered art/flashed out fic that leaves your jaw on the floor, or ships that gets lesser attention in general which puts you, who make content about them, easier to be brought into the light (like Faralex)

bUT, it can also be personality!

(again, not saying this is meant for everyone and strictly from my own experience + what I observe) for me, I made up the lack of my art by establishing a personality: a wild panda who yaps about price and their oc and also kinda everywhere in the place (just like this post LOL), OR you're the person who named themselves after Soap's ash particle number OR you're the one who likes bottom Ghost- literally anything goes, you want to make an impression in different ways, some more funny/goofier than others but it works (be mindful and stay respectful tho, dont wanna be the asshole in the fandom now do ya?)

efforts ≠ engagement (not all the time, but most time) and this is a fact. Sometimes, you can't expect a piece you did for 10+ hours to get thousands views and likes, especially in a fandom space. You need to understand algorithm is that wonky. (very disheartening, but again, you make the art for you and the few others who genuinely likes them, and those people can go a long way) be mentally prepared for such events, and try not to beat yourself up too much for it

ultimately tho, do it, do it scared but do it anyways and again, draw the things that bring you joy, I hope these could be helpful in some ways!

[minyard-05]

about to make myself cry over aaron minyard again

(very long semi incoherent post-tkm thoughts below)

i've been thinking about kateaaron a lot lately (when i am i not) but like. i have been wondering Why would katelyn stick around especially when aaron wasn't going to say anything about the deal with andrew until after graduation when it was up like. what would make her willing to hold onto him that long after she was acutely aware of exactly what andrew would do to her?

then i got to thinking like. Maybe both of them were under the assumption that it wasn't serious at all. maybe aaron explained that it couldn't be. but nicky says in the raven king that aaron hasn't even asked katelyn out yet, which is possibly true at that point, but there's still definitely something there. so since there are shreds of canon information about these two and i do what i want, here is my very long idea about the Timeline of Kateaaron

i think neil's right in that they probably met through having similar classes and also through the foxes' general proximity to the vixens. so they're sort of semi-aware of each other, at this point katelyn wouldn't know About the twins, just that aaron is sort of a quieter version of his brother (which seems to be the outward impression of them). anyway. so katelyn recognises aaron in a couple of her classes, she's probably seen him at practice. she tries to talk to him a few times and while he's polite he's never that engaged in any sort of conversation. but they start studying together. quietly, they don't verbalize it that often, just katelyn will join aaron at his table in the library or vice versa and they will just. exist together like that. because thats the closest, safest way aaron can have any kind of relationship, platonic or otherwise.

from there it develops very quietly and very slowly, but katelyn slowly picks up on the fact that aaron is a lot more willing to talk to and engage with her when he's alone. so the library becomes their Place. they exchange numbers eventually and aaron opens up a bit more. he still doesn't talk a lot though, so katelyn fills in the gaps, and he's content just to listen to her because it all feels so normal, so ordinary. everything else in aaron's life is bloody and scary and tainted by his past and his brother. katelyn isn't. that's why she means so much to him.

i think aaron asks her out in a very roundabout way the night after he gets out on bail. he shows up at her dorm, conveniently when all of her roommates are out, and katelyn's about to berate him for not responding to any of her messages before she sees aaron is a fragment away from breaking. so she lets him in, lets him sit with her, lets him talk. he gives her an albeit broken up version of thanksgiving, and being arrested, and everything that happened after and then katelyn asks about andrew and aaron goes quiet. they sit there like that for a minute, and just before katelyn is about to apologise for overstepping, aaron tells her. he tells her everything, about meeting andrew when they were kids, about being terrified of losing him, about tilda hitting andrew instead of him, about the car crash, about juvie, about moving to SC, about his addiction and abou andrew getting him clean, about drake, about easthaven. aaron tells her everything because he can't tell it to anybody else. and then katelyn asks him if he wants to go home and aaron says no. so katelyn holds him and he stays the night.

after that, aaron spends most of his nights with her. she encourages him to go back and talk to the foxes, and he does. they're all very calm and cautious with him, but appreciate the unspoken ask for normalcy, so that's when team dinners start. aaron and katelyn don't label anything but nobody says anything when she picks him up from practice or when she drops him back off at the dorm after studying late.

slowly, katelyn learns how to love him. she learns to wake him up with a hand in his hair, not shaking his arm, or he backs away before he fully registers who she is. she learns to slip her arms around his waist instead of his shoulders, she learns to move slowly when she goes to brush something off his face so he doesn't stumble back expecting a hit.

they don't seriously get together until after andrew talks to her in the library. their first date is about two weeks before the PSU/USC game, a post-study evening ice cream trip. it took too long and too much hurt, they can both agree, but it's worth it.

[target-core]

since you made that post, I’d love to share some of my own personal experience enjoying billford fluff, as survivor of an abusive relationship (though this is absolutely not me speaking for every survivor btw) if you don’t mind!! just because I think it’s an interesting perspective to bring to the table and I don’t want to repeat what the other asks have already said (and you seem curious and I love sharing thoughts about this)

tbob means absolutely everything to me but, in my head, it's already more or less reached the pinnacle of showing the darkest parts of their relationship and, to me, nothing else can fully compete with that. plus, when I'm in fandom spaces, I often use it to unwind and relax, and I just do not have the time or energy to use that space to engage with fictional versions of traumatic events that I have already been through, in excruciating detail. not only because I'm in a headspace where I just can't handle being triggered atm (unlike reading tbob, where I know what to expect and have coping skills already prepared) but also, personally, the concept can seem boring to me sometimes. I've already lived through this and spent years processing the meaning of it. I don't need to see fictional characters I love do the exact same thing repeatedly. especially since my own experience with my own suffering tends to be very mundane and tedious, and that’s part of why it’s miserable (no one ever talks about how boring pain is god .. but that’s a topic for a different conversation that has barely anything to do with this).

but obviously, I still want to engage with fandom spaces, even if I tend to avoid certain aspects of it (not even necessarily by default, it's just a pattern I've noticed with myself). so what can I engage with instead??? well I love these character dearly, devoid of whatever awful things they may or may not have done (looking at you especially bill, you motherfucker). I love their weird and nerdy personalities, I love their relatable backstories, I love how you can explore other themes through them (such as neurodivergency and trauma as a mental condition, rather than as an experience), and I love also how they can actually be really romantic, in a twisted weird way. I mean, merging bodies and minds, calling someone your “muse,” or even just the idea of a demon falling in love with a scientist who’s studying him just feels objectively romantic to me, in a strange and eerie way. not to mention (as I think someone else has said), not all abusive relationships are 100% bad all the time. in fact, that can be why they are so difficult to leave, because when you love someone you want to cling to the good. and I don’t think the good should ever be dismissed or invalidated, no matter how awful the bad is or how much it outweighs the good. plus also, if we’re going back to comparing billford to my own abusive relationship, those two really aren’t a perfect 1:1 comparison. not only because they’re fictional characters living in a world with magic and we aren’t, but also because they’re more like amalgamations of ideas than they are real people. and I love exploring those ideas on their own merits, regardless of the abuse.

so now that I think about it, I don’t even know if “fluff” is an adequate enough descriptor of what I like .. or if it is fluff, it still has some level of darkness or weirdness to it too, even if it’s small. I guess it’s more like I just enjoy the lighter, more whimsical aspects of billford that have more nuance to it .. but also billford is just so inherently incredibly dark that this feels fluffy by comparison. but also that’s literally just my own limited perspective (and I’m not even always consistent with it .. like I said this is just a pattern I’ve noticed with myself). I definitely don’t think it’s the only way to enjoy the ship and I absolutely 10000% get why other people might not feel the same and would want to explore the darker, more abusive aspects to them (technically I also do, just not via fandom). I’m never going to begrudge anyone who wants that and I hope this isn’t interpreted as a dunk on people who do <3333 I just love these stupid characters and their relationship so much and I think talking about this sort of thing is really really fun and interesting

anyways I’ve written probably way too much (and if I don’t stop now then I never will) so if you’ve gotten this far then thank you!! hope you have a wonderful day or night or whatever time it is where you are

Thank you so much for your ask !! :) please don’t apologize for them being too long, I really don’t mind

I have been in abusive relationship(s… lol🥲) myself, and I think with Billford I kind of do the opposite of escapism where I latch onto the darker parts and keep thinking about how it connects to my life over and over and over.. I’m gonna be real, I think the way I engage with them is actually kind of unhealthy LOL but it does make for interesting art and analysis in my head, so I guess it isn’t all that bad..?

I don’t mean to imply their relationship is all darkness. I think there’s levity to be found too… and as you said, abusive relationships aren’t bad all the time. There is genuinely cute stuff that happens between them, even though I tend to view those moments more cynically. I think for those nicer parts, I can’t enjoy them as much *because* I view them so cynically, because I project onto them. It feels too real for me to think of those moments as genuine because it opens up the possibility of a world where things could’ve been better. It’s hard for me to explain, I apologize if I don’t make any sense.

I really really do not want my original post to be viewed as a dunk either. Different interpretations are the spice of life!!! It’s all awesome. I enjoy seeing them in anything. I was more just genuinely curious on why the common interpretation is lighter than what’s presented. I feel like that might’ve not come across as well as I intended, and I’m sorry about that.

Thank you again for your ask!

[antigonick]

hey hey pauline, how do you manage to read so Much? im relieved that my uni syllabi force me to read, but also resent the fact that well. i don’t read much because of those syllabi either.

i realize that the algorithmic internet and burnout have smoothed my brain and i need to work on putting the wrinkles back but MAN. i miss being curious, or rather, being able to effectively and patiently explore that curiosity. art and learning are everywhere and i have to have faith that this is a relearnable skill (!!!!) but. yk. woeee is meee i love books when did they get so difficult

I don't read nearly enough anymore either. I do write a lot more, so I guess that's a plus, but reading-wise I'm in the fucking pit with no end in sight. I finished my PhD a year and a half ago and I don't think I've read more than... five? Books for fun since then? I'm curious, I'm excited, I buy books, but I find myself putting them down and not finishing them; those that are useful for my research, my translation work or the lessons I create I treat emptily and efficiently, as academics do, focusing on the parts I need instead of engaging with the whole, which is frustrating and feels empty because a text is a system and I'm necessarily missing out if I pick and choose. As you say for your syllabi—I'm almost relieved to have had mandatory reading for my studies this year because I simply had to read this shit, and I loved doing it, and I was so relieved to see I could still do it, but I only managed it by sticking to hard deadlines, giving myself rigid reading timeslots, page-goals, etc. You have to finish this by the end of the week—today you must read 50 pages and you're not moving your ass off this chair until you reach it. That's the only solution I can give you, and that helps me, since after a day of work I end up reaching for passive brain-off activities instead of books if I don't discipline myself. Let go of the resentment and take everything you can from what you do manage to read. I don't know how sustainable that is either, considering this all speaks of burnout but crawling out of the burnout by making reading a task is an easy slide into making it even more of a chore. My other working alternative has been to pick up books I don't care much about but are entertaining all the same—no pressure to engage with nuanced underlayers, with complex stylistic devices, no expectations and thoughtful critique, just fast-food thriller or horror or crime books that coax me into at least reading spontaneously and show to myself that I can finish a book by choice. Sometimes. Oh, and shorts—one poem a day if you can, one poem a week if you forget. I'm thinking of coming back to audio books too—can't take notes on them, which I dislike, but in transport and on walks it might be a better alternative than nothing.

Not sure this answer is anything else than a bummer BUT. Yeah. I hope some of those work for you ❤️

[just-a-carrot]

I think you mentioned once that all the themes for our wonderland kinda came to you as the story progressed and it’s like??? DUDE??? THAT IS SO IMPRESSIVE considering this game had not only me but my FRIEND in tears by the end of it because of how important the things told in this story were to us and how closely to home they hit for us. I was a wet BABY after orlam’s chapter because he reminds me so much of myself and we have a very similar past and trauma, like I felt so fucking SEEN in that chapter and every time it would touch on his backstory and his anger and resentment towards being abused by the people who he was /stuck with/ who were /supposed to be his friends/.

like bro called me out in ways I didn’t know were POSSIBLE and you’re just gonna sit here and tell me that you were like “haha maybe I’ll add this in :)” CARROT DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE AN ACTUAL FUCKING WIZARD AND NEED TO BE STUDIED.

YOU MAKE ONE OF THE BEST GAMES I HAVE EVER PLAYED WITH CHARACTERS THAT FEEL LIKE HUMAN BEINGS AND GIVE ME THE IMMEDIATE URGE TO GIVE YOU THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF MY BANK ACCOUNT AS SOON AS I FINISHED THE GAME AND YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SLAP A “FREE GAME” PRICE ON IT AND SAY “haha I just like making games I don’t need to make money off of it :)” CARROT I AM SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN. CARROT MY MIND IS SPINNING HOW CAN YOU BE THIS NICE AND GENEROUS?????????? /lh

I actually seethe about once a day knowing that I can’t give you any of my hard-earned cash for like merch or the game, period. Carrot playing this game for free is like receiving a free winning lottery ticket on the STREET like I didn’t even DO ANYTHING and you’re just gonna give me something that CHANGED MY LIFE DRASTICALLY and PERMANENTLY ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY???????????????????? carrot I’m frothing at the mouth rn. carrot I’m insane. I fucking love this game so much bro you are a gift bro

yes....I would say many key parts of the overall story didn't really form until I was actively working on it. many of the arcs were just kinda skeletons where I knew essentially what I wanted to happen but with not much filled in, and then everything would just start flooding my brain once I reached it to start figuring out all the pieces and come up with new ideas and scenes along the way

I could not tell you how I was able to bring some of it together so well I honestly surprised myself at times lol...

I guess maybe because I had the core characters down so even when they'd show me new things about themselves in the new directions the story threads were taking it was always just like "oh ofc that makes sense" lol who knows... I have lived with these characters a long time now and they still surprise me but always in ways that feel like they're not new 😂

"haha maybe I'll just add this in :)" -> yeah that sounds about right 🤣🤣

oh gosh hahaha so intense jghghg I'm really touched??? that my game could have such an impact makes me feel very honored but also very sheepish lol. I am sorry you can't give me money(????). honestly ppl playing my games and engaging with my characters is my greatest joy. I don't need any money from it... And I'm lucky that I can do most of game dev myself so it doesn't cost me much (besides my own time and sanity) to make games, so it's not like I need money to keep devving either. I just want as many ppl as possible to be able to experience my stories (if they want to ofc 🤣 I also realize my stuff isn't for everyone)

I just want to thank honestly everyone that plays my stuff and interacts with me and shows their love for my chars. that's really the currency that keeps me going tbh (that and my mind plague)

this is such an intense ask I'm not sure what else to say 🤣 thank you so much tho 💕 the sheer energy of this made my heart go brrrrr

[girlgawain]

for the ask game, asking something obvious like damian + 1, 4, 8, 21

and asking something less obvious like miriam caskey + 5, 9, 12, 26

because blackwater needs some love

character ask game

Great choice of blorbos: you always know how to get my attention <3

Answers under the cut because it got long winded very fast; also tw for self harm discussion

Damian (Darkest Dungeon)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Where do i even begin? I love how self destructive he is, or, to be more specific, how he turns his self destruction into a holy mission, the only valid way to repent for his and other people's sins, feeling superior to everyone else because of said "holy" self destruction. I love the contradiction between his self-punishment through mortification of the flesh and sense of superiority because of the same mortification of the flesh: for this reason i headcanon him acting "holier than thou" especially towards the other religious characters, as if his way of worshipping the Light is the only "true" one, while the others aren't willing to literally rip themselves apart for their faith (i especially headcanon him mocking Reynauld for wearing armour, but this is not a question about headcanons so i digress).

I also love what they did with him in the second game, taking his zealotry and its contradictions to an extreme. I know that not everyone was convinced about his fear and ability to escape Death, but i think it fits the character: he wants to suffer, not to die (or at least, not die as a consequence of his self-harm). The game itself makes this moment more about the pleasure he feels by hurting himself, but also i think there is a less explored angle which is hinted at in some barks (i am thinking especially of the "I am already damned - what's the harm?" bark at the Academic's Study and the several barks talking about "deliverance"): that he fears death not only because he doesn't want to stop suffering, but also because he feels like he hasn't suffered enough to deserve salvation yet. I wish this angle of his character was explored more, but in a game with so relatively little dialogue, i'll take what i get.

Also i like how he works in gameplay: giving enemies massive bleeds while an inch away from death makes me feel powerful.

tl;dr: i think his relationship with self-harm and religion is very interesting and i have spent way too much time thinking about it.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

You know this because we discussed it irl, but i think it would be funny if he and John Ward (from Faith: the Unholy Trinity) switched games.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I don't engage a lot with fandom outside of my mutual circle (or even in said circle), but a thing i've noticed and started to dislike is when people reduce him to "loony (sado)masochist".

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favourite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My first ever fanfiction was about him! His characterization is just that compelling to me. I love that i can have a lot of fun and be super extra in my writing because he is that extra in the game; also getting in that "self-destructive but holier than thou" headspace while being able to step back and acknowledge to myself how dysfunctional it is was a very cathartic experience for me. (also i have an idea for another fic about him, but i don't know when/if i will ever write it)

As for things i don't like, i can't think of anything, at the moment.

Miriam Caskey (Blackwater)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I never thought about this, but just as i read the question my mind immediately went to Oh no! by Marina, which is weird because i haven't listened to this song in ages, so there's your answer.

9. Could you be roomates with this character?

I think yes, but only if we just shared the space and never talked to each other if it wasn't necessary, otherwise she could get on my nerves pretty quickly.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

My girl is aromantic as fuck: how else can you explain her reasoning behind finally getting married at forty years old literally being "oh well, that's an item i haven't checked off my checklist yet: guess i should do it *shrug*" and then her choice being first guy she could think of because he was around her all the time already?

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

There are many moments i could pick from but i chose the one from book 4, when she chooses to attend the Catholic college just to surprise (and maybe even spite) her family, has a terrible time there but doesn't even consider going back home because she thinks they wouldn't welcome her, and then finally opens up to Grace and Sister when they come check up on her: it's the first time we see the fragile, wounded girl under her tough exterior, it's the starting point of her character development and it's the point when i realized that she would be my favourite character of the entire series.

[thegodthief]

Dreamt I was sitting out under a clear night sky. The card deck that [that one entity] wanted me to get was in my hands. I noted that despite the theme of the deck, there was only an artistic connection to the visible stars. As I idly shuffled the deck, I would stop at random moments to see which card was on top. I noticed that [a particular card] kept reappearing and realized that the card was also a repeat shower in the waking as well. [That one entity] had already made it clear that I was not to use any already established system of card reading with this deck, so I had no context with which to frame this card's appearance.

Adiutor was sitting quietly on my shoulder in her doll form. So quietly in fact, that when she spoke up, she startled me. How I did not fling her into the abyss of night, I am not sure.

"Still don't know what to do with this deck?"

"Not one bit."

"Well, you know you're dreaming, so why not ask the card that keeps showing up?"

"That makes sense, Adiutor. Too much sense. It means engaging with a whole new class of spirits that I am not equipped to understand."

"You engage with humans at your work that you are not equipped to understand. What's the difference?"

I turned my head to stare at her while her form's blank face radiated barely tolerable smugness. "There's a difference between Willfully Ignorant and Willfully Not Human. The former can be herded. The latter can herd me. I'd rather not be a pawn in someone else's game again."

Despite my rebuttal, I picked up the card and studied it. In the dreamscape it was identical to the physical card on my desk. I held the card out and looked up to the night sky. "Well, if I'm supposed to be making contact with you, it would help if I knew more about you."

The card vibrated in my hand. I looked back at it and examined the printed figure. The head of the figure suddenly turned to face me squarely. It winked and smiled a little and then turned back to the static image as before. But in that wink, it relayed some understanding.

"Ah, fuck."

"What's wrong, Master?"

"I can't do this."

"Can't do what, Master?"

"Don't you start playing Little Miss Naive with me. This is the start of something new, something unique, something that I won't be able to find in a book."

"Isn't that the point, Master? I do recall you bragging about how you can't be found in any book."

"It wasn't bragging, you little shit, it was lamenting. If I were twenty years younger, yea, I would take this as a challenge. But I'm not twenty years younger. I can't handle anything new like this. I can barely handle myself right now."

I closed my eyes to the card but I couldn't forget what I was told no matter how hard I tried. Useless. What good is giving me something that will never be put to use and can't be passed on to someone who can?

I'm so tired.

"Master."

"... Hm."

"If you can't handle anything, does that mean you don't want to change? Because if your life is going to get better, then it will change from how it is now. Are you saying that you don't want that?"

"... Adiutor, the only reason I'm not throwing your doll body into a fire is because I know I'm dreaming, and I don't want to piss off the entity that gave you to me. That's bullshit reasoning, and you fucking know it, you manipulative little fuck!"

"Of course, I'm being manipulative. I would worry if you didn't see that. But, the challenge still remains. Are you so content with how your life is now, that you don't feel it is worthwhile to change it?"

"There's a difference between what this deck is offering and trying to improve my situation."

She laid down on my shoulder in a way that made me wonder if she wasn't part cat. "Please tell me, oh wise and all-knowing Master, all the ways that your life can change in an instant and why it isn't worth trying to make the best of any of those possibilities."

"Adiutor, I have so many projects and works in progress. I can only attempt to finish one thing if I am willing to abandon five others. I'm stretched to my limit. I can't handle One More Thing. I don't have the time or the access to research this. I don't have the time to set aside just to entertain this. I can barely keep my head above water and shit like this makes me wonder why I haven't given up and drowned already? Or did no one tell you what happened when I moved here. When it was revealed that a significant engrossing matter that I was engaged in was really just a stage play to keep me from cutting my throat back then? How many times am I going to be something else's entertainment? I'M FUCKING TIRED, BITCH! I'm so tired. And what this card is offering, I can't accept. I don't have any room for one more new thing."

She slid off my shoulder and scrambled down my arm. "Yes, you are very tired, Master. It is good that I am your adiutor. My name is a Latin word, if you forgot, it means 'helper', among other things." She pulled the playing card easily from my fingers and held it in front of her as if to study the artwork. The regular sized playing card was a massive poster to her.

"So, I know some of what this is about. And while the presentation is new, the subject is not. You just never had a clear way of connecting to this before." She laid the card in my hand and pointed to the value in the corner. "This is a King, so you know this represents a ruler or controller of an area, situation, or pathway. And the suit is Clubs, which you already associate with [certain things]. Therefore, this card is representative of the ruler or lord of [certain things]. And I am willing to bet my stitches that you made contact with a spirit representing your personal King of Clubs, and that now that this contact is made, there is a call to complete the court."

There was no spite or smugness in her words, which surprised me. There was only a soft gentleness that I was not used to coming from her. "Yea. That's what happened. Just all in a blink of an eye, but yea. I thought I was just peeking through the keyhole when the door was snatched open, and so much came through that I was just overwhelmed. But now that you've laid it out, it doesn't sound so daunting. ... It's still a lot though."

She nodded and settled herself in the palm of my free hand. "It is, and it isn't. This is you picking up what has always been yours, but you were never taught how to do it. So you're learning the hard way, and hard things are hard, but new things are necessary if you are going to make your life better."

"... I guess."

"I know, Master."

Together we looked up to the clear night sky. Nothing else happened, so I allowed myself to slip away into a deeper sleep.

[cosmichighpriestess]

On my Mother planet, in a parallel reality, where I have lived many many lives on another planet I am very used to feminine energy and my planet is mostly all feminine energy with very little masculine energy, so much so, that our species couldn't reproduce anymore because almost everyone was in their feminine energy and we stopped reproducing.

We had to leave to other planets like Earth to evolve and keep our species alive. There was not an equal balance of femininity and masculinity on my planet, Arkurakura. This is a new download I received for a while now.

When I came to Earth, I felt very feminine my entire life, so much so I stood out because I did not conform into being masculine at all and I did not understand masculine energy here and I did not resonate with males. I just observed them for a long time from afar. I began to fall in love with men as I forgot who I was, even though I always felt alien like but many of these males were in their feminine energy masking as though they were in their masculinity which was very abusive, and using women. I grew up never having a safe provider, my father never cared to give me anything except a roof over our head and he barely even did that, I never knew any men who protected me, my brother was also my bully and I never met any male that wanted to provide for me unless they could use my body. So I was forced into being in my masculine energy to get away from everyone.

This felt odd at first, and exhausting but at least I felt safe with myself and I knew I had my own back if no one else did. I forgot who I was to survive here. I always leaned back into my feminine energy until another male made me feel unsafe, and not provided for. Once they were comfortable disrespecting me and taking me off their pedestal, they expected me to treat them feminine, give them everything I had, which was very little materially, but energetically I had a lot. Energetically they were draining my life force and sucking up all my natural abundance and light.

But I always knew and always felt like the feminine energy in our dynamics so I never understood when men or women would attack me so harshly for staying in my feminine energy or wanting to present myself as feminine. I always felt like I was a Goddess but I had to hide that side of me sometimes because it triggered others. Also for my otherworldly energy, they couldn't read me correctly so they labeled me as odd, even calling me an alien many times. We're all aliens. I was attacked all the time for just being in my natural state of being because masculine women would envy me, betray me, turn on me and feminine men were always in competition with me, all the men I was engaged to were in a silent competition with me, used me, abused me, traumatized me when I refused to be abused. I trigger people's demons, and I trigger people who refuse to grow. I defined this as a negative problem when it was completely neutral and served me & everyone I encountered.

I studied, observed and attempted to understand everyone's perspectives so I could understand why they were treating me that way. Some people freaked out on me because they accused me of being an alien, and they became afraid of me. But I am in a human body. Always have been. I'm just more aware of my multidimensionality. I don't make fun of my fairytale, alien, dragon, faery, mermaid energy because I don't have to hide anymore. I'm safe now. We've always been surrounded by aliens disguised as humans. I've literally met so many, and so many magical creatures who are all Source. You will hear about it whether you believe me or not, it does not matter. There are no myths, there is no fiction. Everything is half real until you decide to believe in it, then it's real, for you. There's no such thing as fiction. What we call fiction is an astral reality that has been brought forth into the idea of our physical reality experience. But we call it fiction because we can't see it and it doesn't line up with what we are experiencing on the physical level. That doesn't mean it's not real, it just means those things are taking place in a different level of reality. There was so many times I left my body to come join my star family because of how many times I was almost killed on Earth and my human body was so unsafe on the lower timelines.

First I had to place boundaries on them (even though narcissists don't respect boundaries) I isolated myself to the best of my ability, then I forgave them for myself then I found out. I had negative beliefs about men and women from my past bullies and abusive men in my family and partners. I believed most men were assholes to women and I believed most women were jealous and full of pain from men. Which is a very real reality for billions of people. But I realized I didn't have to make it my truth anymore so I removed the limiting beliefs creating these versions of people in my life and I believed the opposite then I raised my vibration to match the reality I wanted to live in. All men in my world are safe, all men want to provide for me, all men are loving and kind, all men are healthy minded, all men are gentlemen to me, all men are working on self improvement ect. I created safety within me out of nothing, out of nothing more than the movies I watched as an example to believe in.

For the most part I've seen the most incredible, smart, woke, unconditionally loving, kind men I've ever seen, and I just keep seeing more and more of them. They are absolutely inspiring and incredible. I'm meeting other versions of myself on this new timeline and they are absolutely jaw dropping, incredible men. I changed my beliefs about women too by believing all women are supportive, loving, and safe in my world but I'm still working on it because I don't think about women that much because I have been betrayed all my life by women, I don't date women, so i don't think about changing them to better versions I prefer. I don't mean to offend any gender.

We're all Source. We're all one. I just call them beings of unconditional love. Change yourself, change your beliefs. We're not supposed to stay the same. Don't worry, who you are at your natural core will always stay the same, but your perspective will change over and over. For the most part though I have seen so many amazing women who are incredibly loving, intelligent, kind, and even geniuses. I still see women who act offended by my presence but I try to change my beliefs about them too in the moment. They usually are just unhappy with themselves. I still give them love but keep my distance.

I've shifted all my narcissistic family, ex partners by raising my vibration and I shifted them overnight into kinder, apologetic, more aware, more loving and more evolved beings by letting go of MY old beliefs and changing my beliefs about them everyday, changing myself, and how I perceive my reality. You think everyone has the same perception of reality? Everyone has different perspectives. You must stop saying, "all men are the same. All women are the same. All men are toxic, evil, bad, cheaters, all women are bitches, all women are mean, all women are jealous, annoying ect." Please stop, for yourself. You don't have to experience that life anymore. Trust in the opposite. You can shift to a world you love to experience with beautiful supportive people. You can also change your past through your present moment because memories are created in the present moment and are all happening now because time is just an illusion and everything is happening now. There is only now.

There are infinite amounts of Earths to experience. My Earth right now is moving to a higher plane, a higher dimension and my mother planet is finally able to reach Earth because we raised our vibration enough to receive all the higher frequency supporting energies they are giving us. No matter what, even if you aren't open to receiving these energies you will feel them and see the effects of these energies on your world. Our two planet's energies are merging together and we're receiving more of that energy here on Earth so now I will finally feel at home on Earth with more of my familiar energy here and people will finally understand me.

[spectralstitions]

oc thoughts and goals for 2025

Posting this here because it feels like the most informal place to dump some thoughts.

First of all I thought I'd mention that I change stuff about my ocs so often and post so infrequently that maybe like 95% of what is on this blog is outdated. So. That's great.... I'm truly using this blog to its fullest potential....

Second of all...... 2024 was a fantastic year for me in terms of unraveling my artistic mental blocks, but the problems I have with my ocs remain more or less unchanged. These blocks are difficult to describe, but they stress me to the point of being unable to draw my little guys or develop them much at all. Nor have I been able to make new ocs, as I feel a need to "complete" the pre-existing ones, as if they are each individual projects. As a result I've felt frozen; I'm not able to do much with them, and I can't so much as talk specifics about them with my friends because it stresses me out so much. The blocks exist not for a lack of trying to unmake them, and overall, you could probably say I made some progress this year as a byproduct of working through my art issues. But like with those, my oc problems are enigmatic and figuring out the root of them will be just as difficult as solving them. It took me over a year to identify and rewire the mentalities that rendered me unable to draw much, so I figure the timeline for my ocs will look similar.

The extent to which I get worked up over my fictional people is very silly and I'm well aware of this, especially because it's completely invisible to everyone else. And I wish I could get it through to myself that It's really not that serious, they're just ocs, they're supposed to be fun, because it works for the few characters I have that AREN'T story related. But when I was a kid I placed so much importance on having clearly defined characters with a structured, set-in-stone story to the extent that it felt like the only point of my life. And now I realize, I don't have much capacity for creating stories or characters in that specific way, but the pressure remains -- because honestly, what else do I do? I love drawing characters, but I only get emotional fulfillment from drawing the same ones over and over again. Which is a way to do it if you can create stories and/or find ways to invest other people in them, but that's always been a weak point of mine, and my motivation to work on it is very low because I'm not even really interested in doing that anymore. I keep revamping and changing things about my characters because I'm trying to come up with a structure that singlehandedly fixes what's happening in my mind and lets me fully engage with my characters again, which I realize now is never going to happen. Even if my structure is to have no structure, that's still an expectation of something that I put on myself that doesn't much affect my thought process or workflow. And although I can recognize this, I can not emphasize enough how difficult it is for me to break out of a system-setting or structure-making mentality like this. It's just completely unnatural to my character. It took at least a full year of trying nearly every day to rewire myself for my art, and this problem is far more relevant to my ocs than it was to art.

So.... what do I do then? Well, that's kinda what I want to figure out in 2025. OCs used to bring me more joy than anything else and I miss that. Like I mentioned before, there are little things that have improved this year, even if only marginally. I've been able to draw a few characters consistently, giving me something of a reference point to study. Those characters being -- my human AU of Jesper and Lily and, primarily, my sona. In both cases, allowing for vagueness and exploration of ideas to the point of lore/story contradictions has been extremely helpful. My sona in particular is a good example of the type of character I think I need to start making more of; they actually have a good amount of lore to them, but I sort of just pick and choose what pieces I care about for any given drawing so that I'm not stressed about depicting them "perfectly" -- because there is no perfect version of them, there's practically like 5 different versions of them. But I think of them as just 1 character, because their core concept, personality, and design motifs remain. Importantly though, and what makes this mindset very hard to follow for pre-existing ocs, is that I cannot LITERALLY pick and choose what lore to follow for a given work, or else the problems happen. It has to be unintentionally thoughtless, which is incredibly difficult for me, especially when I've already artificially placed so much importance on "making something" with my ocs. How can I treat them thoughtlessly when they're supposed to be so important?? Well, somehow I need to walk back a lifetime's worth of conditioning, so that I can realize, or rather, so that my body can realize, they're not actually so important.

I think my favorite way to have characters is to base them around a concept or topic that I have fun exploring many facets of very deeply (whether exploring an unconventional relationship type, untapped potential for particular symbolism, or something else) and to give them a core personality and set of design motifs. And then doing whateverthefuck with everything else. These allow me to fulfill a touch of my desire for structure, give me the means to express myself, and the means to form the emotional bond I need in order to get the dopamine hit that I need in order to draw anything in the first place (this is a whole nother problem and why I rarely make non-character art, though hypothetically I'd love to; it's just mentally hellish). And because of the vagueness, I get the dress-up doll aspects that keep me motivated to do things with them and have fun exploring things in new ways. But it's not without drawbacks, the main one being that communicating the point of my ocs or their deal to other people becomes very confusing and not super possible, and I can never make any consistent functional story with them, which is somehow both incredibly freeing and also really hard for me to grapple with for previously mentioned reasons and makes me feel bad about myself and my life.

It's almost pointless to include any ideas for solutions I have right now, because more than likely I'll drop them after a week when I realize they don't hit right, but... I'll talk about my newest one, since if I go through with it, it'd be more of a tangible example. Going into '25, I'm considering letting go of the idea of a strict world setting / species categories / specific lore etc. entirely and instead create a sort of vague, implied world through isolated artworks of characters and scenes. This way, any implied setting or lore is just the result of what was in my heart the day I drew the thing, causing development to happen more naturally and allowing me to retract, reinterpret, or reorganize things very easily. Not to mention this would coincide very nicely with my 2025 art resolution and inherently get me to draw more, because the art itself would be the "world", and everything would only exist so long as I drew it. It would also be easier to tie into my identity, which is a big motivator for me when it comes to making art and characters. My characters and lore would essentially just become part of my art style, whereas they currently feel separate in my mind. And It's a possible way to trick myself into doing non-character illustration, since I will have an emotional bond to the world, where I can draw things that aren't just the same characters. Is this making any sense to anybody?? It'd be the caspar cinematic (artistic?) universe. Straight from my soul. Imagine it... Reading this back, this is probably just how most illustrators naturally work actually, which should tell you how bad my brain has gotten....

As for what any of this means for the blog, I don't really know? I'm so anxious when it comes to putting any of my character's information on here because I know it'll just change and then the 2 people who read it will have the wrong idea of my characters and I hate that.... this is why I don't use it much. But now that I'm thinking of it, maybe making myself do it anyways, even though I do not want to, could be part of the solution. Getting myself used to posting stuff even knowing it probably won't remain true for very long, and not putting disclaimers on everything apologizing for it... could maybe help rewire my mindset a bit. I need to revert to my middle school days of making ocs to random songs and throwing them all into a universe with no rhyme or reason. I used to have the time of my life sharing them with other people.

In conclusion i need an audhd diagnosis.

[purplesurveys]

1919

Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? Well, no. They are married to each other.

Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Absolutely. All three of them. Even Kimi's urn, I will hug every once in a while.

What college did you want to attend as a kid? I've always wanted to end up in UP. It was that or I'd despise myself for the rest of my life. Everyone I looked up to in the family studied - and even worked - there. Fortunately enough I got in, and in my dream degree.

Do you have a pet gecko? I do not.

Are you scared of reptiles? For the most part, yeah.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yes.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? I guess just the coffee shops that I haven't been to? There aren't many tourist attractions here, but there sure is a hell of a lot of cafes.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Do animals count? Hahahaha. This q isn't very applicable to me.

About what things are you most selfish? My boundaries. I used to break my own for others tirelessly, as if I was gunning to be canonized when I die lol; but it's had a 180º turn. I'm fiercely protective of my boundaries now and I'll be a raging bitch about it if I have to.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Sometimes. I just don't like being in front of the camera and have always preferred to be the one taking the photos.

What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? When they send me memes and say that it reminded them of me.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Three.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Angela and Hans. They've given me a bouquet every year on my birthday since 2021 - and it was only this year I learned that they do so because they knew I had meant to kms 3 years ago. I cry every time I think about this, so let's move on haaaa...

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? My pets. It wouldn't be 'hard,' I'd just never agree to giving them up whatsoever.

Do you like BBQ sauce? Loveeeeeee itttttttt.

How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? None.

If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? White is fine.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? I don't have one.

What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? I've never been directly angry at a doctor.

Is your mother a lesbian? No.

Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? She's not a close friend anymore, but Sofie wiped out her social media years ago. Good for her, honestly.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? Nopes.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? No clue. Ever since discovering the beach, I've stopped swimming in pools.

What was the last thing you said out loud? "Thank you"

Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.

Who or what do you worship? Nobody and nothing.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? Neva Play by Megan Thee Stallion and RM.

What song do you want played at your wedding? Haven't given this much thought. Love Wins All by IU sounds like an awesome prospect, though.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? The rooftop floor in 40ºC weather. I can't think of anything else - I'm pretty sensitive to pain so I avoid sensations I know would hurt to begin with.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? Groin by RM.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Illinois, Oregon, New York.

Have you ever donated blood? Nope.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Zumba, I guess. Yoga's never appealed to me, and I've tried getting into it more than once.

Have you written anything down today? I have not.

Do you own a pair of pink pants? No.

Do you normally eat healthy? No, not really. I'm on team here-for-a-good-time-not-a-long-time so like honestly I never pay attention to what I eat and if I eat more unhealthy than healthy, lol.

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? Being told I'm good at writing is what has always mattered the most to me.

Do you believe in miracles? I don't.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? I hyperfocus on work and latch so much of my self-validation on being recognized for how well I perform. Everyone else has a much better sense of "life over work, always" and I'm very envious of that.

Cutting people off is my main coping mechanism, especially if they can't be argued with. I can't think of a third thing.

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? Pop.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? I knew she was into softball at one point; idk now.

Does your best friend have a job? Yes, she's (officially now!) an architect at a firm.

Do you ever visit people at work? No, not while at work. I've been to Angela's office, but that's only because their place turns into a bar in the evening. I've never actually visited her while she was on-shift.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents’ house? Yes.

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? Yeah, I never finish anything I order.

Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? Is this like when Hobi did the In My Feelings challenge? LOL no I haven't. It sounds irresponsible + I can't dance.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? They no longer loved me and I just figured it was better to move on than to keep wasting time trying to read their mind/get them back.

What do you think of long-term relationships? Great, if you have them. Unneeded, for me.

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I don't know what you'd count as a lot but I do have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and this. Yeah, I check and post on all regularly.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Nope.

When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I haven't gotten anything besides the earlobe piercings they had put on me when I was a few months old.

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No. This country and its people are difficult to like.

Are you any good at packing a suitcase? I am, but that's also because I pack light to begin with.

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I don't think so.

Do you ever get eczema? I don't.

Have you ever mowed a lawn? Nope. 

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? My immediate family and Angela.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? No thanks.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? Wow, no.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? 8 or 9 hours.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? I guess so. Their English was a lot stronger than mine; but I also picked up a great deal of her accent throughout our time together.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? Nopes.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? As long as it's not overpowering.

Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? I don't think so, no.

What did your mother study at university? One of the big 4 but that's the best hint I'm willing to give.

What was the last thing you took a video of? Reena at her dance recital.

What are some of your least favorite foods? Fruits, bistek, roast beef, tapa if it's not from Rodic's, nilaga, bulalo...I'm not a big fan of beef.

[theuglybujo]

My (ADHD) focus/organization strats

Here's some stuff that I've found works, and is working for me this semester! I want to go back and make cute graphics for this but. We'll see.

Doing a reading: Going for less visual clutter (tip: throw everything in a box, a pile behind you, or tucked behind your computer so you can't see it). Just need:

Computer to keep pomodoro timers and use with...

...Overear headphones to (1) block out distractions and (2) give me enough stimulus to stay present. My fav is white noise + the lofi study stream (nothing else fits my brain's requirements of no voices, round not sharp sounds, minor or no fading/switching side-to-side)

Critically, mini notepad for distracting thoughts. Anything that's not the reading (cool websites, chores, people to text, games to try...), write it down, deal with it when you're done. By which point it will probably not feel as important lol

A notebook if the reading is digital, or the reading + stickynotes if it's physical (bc I take notes like this but without the rewriting part usually)

Taking notes: Going for faster & easier writing, reviewing, & remembering

Color code classes and use that color in my headings, boxes (if we watch a video, i'll box my bullets on the video so I can differentiate from the lecture content), and...

...Pictures/diagrams, esp during lecture for Speed. Easier to look at and easier to remember than words.

Color code annotations (underlines/highlights in my notes, or the sticky note colors). I use big point, subpoint, new term / names / etc stuff I'll probably be tested on, and my thoughts/stuff i like

Annotate everything. Add your emotions, reactions, connections, examples, questions, ideas. I give these their own color. They go good in margins. Easier review, better remembering.

Surviving lecture: Thankfully my professors are very engaging this semester but I still use some strats

Fidgets omg. I got over myself and started bringing a fidget spinner and popit to class and it saves my life

Chop up video lectures, this is Prof. Mary Latta's idea she gives us 2-3 shorter video lectures instead of 1 long one. Pomodoro it.

Get involved with people. This is hard and took me years but it's awesome. Complement people and ask questions (stickers they have? their outfit, hair, nails, tattoos? work? major? interest in the class?), because you can (1) get friends/study buddies/people to sit next to, and (2) break the ice to asking for help and getting different perspectives. Hang out a little after/before class, ask for their reactions, examples, ideas. Gush your excitement or confess your confusion to the prof, or overhear someone doing that and jump in if you relate. None of us know 100% what's going on and it feels great to fill the gaps (or validate asking the prof for clarification!)

And important addition, when you get the pomodoro breaks (and before you start), ACTUALLY TAKE A BREAK. Do you need a shower/snack/water. You probably need to stretch. You might even need to move locations or get a different chair or move the light just to shake things up.

[sheikahwarriork]

Aw I'm so happy to see Bernadetta appreciation! AND MERCEDES X DEDUE!! They're so neat together!

And I'm not surprised at all by your favorite moment + line bc this is like THE Dimileth moment :]

Bi awakening!! If fire emblem had support about subject like queerness it would have been so good... And for Dimitri, I'm sorry for him because he's definitely closeted. He try so hard to be what society want him to be ( a king despite not wanting to rule, a soldier despite hating violence, etc ) and he's so hard on himself :( It would do him so much good, especially with someone like Dorothea! ( And I personally have so much LGBT headcanon for him too :] )

I WILL try to discover your all your hcs too >:] And Dimitri recovering taste because of Byleth is really sweet.

Thanks you for sharing your playlist too!! I'll go look at it!

And by alternate universe I mean really anything, from "Everything is the same but Dimitri is a ginger" to very complex science fiction version of Fodlan. Modern AU perfectly fit the bill, if it's not too much to ask, can you say more?

Also magic would be so great, as an Edelgard fan I can't argue with you there- And the weather would look so nice!! 

Also if you want here's another set of questions: 

- Have you got any rarepair? Also do you only ship Dimitri with Byleth and Byleth with Dimitri?

- Do you have friendship headcanon? And what's your top friendship from teh game?

- What are you top recruits? ( For the other house too if you have some! )

- Do you have any LGBTQ+ or neurodivergent headcanons?

( And once again take any time you need, days, weeks, months if necessary! And no pressure to answer at all too! Also going off anon because it's easier- )

hello!! i'm glad you turned off the anon, i'm gonna follow you because you seem a very cool and nice person u.u

- yes dimitri is TOTALLY closeted. my boy is bisexual and no one can change my mind. i mean... *stares at his relationships and supports with dedue, felix, m!byleth*

- my moder!au is so long lmao, but i plan to start publish it after i finish my azure moon fic! a little snippet: it's a reincarnation au, byleth works at a high school where some of the characters study (dimitri, ingrid, felix, annette, bernadetta, marianne, flayn and others), mercedes works in byleth's fav pub while she studies in nurse school and she and byleth are friends, dedue's family has a famous restaurant and ashe works with him, sylvain is in university and the faerghus four are all long time friends (chaotic friends ofc u.u), f!shez is there too... and so are arval and sothis!! sothis is byleth's best friend while arval is shez's best friend. stuff happens, mostly dimileth but also netteflix, sylgrid, mercedue and other minor ships. mostly comedy and fluff but there's also angst 👀

- about the rarepair: i think i'm the only person on earth who ships sothis with arval LMAOOO 😭 (relevant to my modern au eheh) i also like the idea of f!shez with flayn. i ship ashe and marianne but i'm not sure it's a rarepair. as for dimitri and byleth- yes, i cant bring myself to really ship anything that isnt dimileth xD i do like some byleth ships (mercedes, seteth, felix, jeritza, dorothea, even edelgard) but i dont engage with them often; if i had to choose someone else for dimitri (like in a world without byleth) i'd go for dedue or felix, but again, dimileth is the only ship for them in my heart and in my mind LMAO

- friendship headcanons: annette and marianne and bernadetta!!!!! annie is so cheerful and i'm sure she would help bernie and marianne!! (again, relevant to my modern!au....) but my fav friendship in the game it's the faerghus four, i love them so much

- top recruits! well, i actually always recruit everyone, i cant kill my babies ç___ç but if i had to choose only some of them (for a azure moon run) i'd say: bernadetta, dorothea, petra, lysithea, shamir, and lorenz just for thyrsus. i love three houses girls

- i have a LOT of LGBT+ headcanons!! first of all, dimitri is bi ofc u.u byleth is bi and in the ace spectrum, like demisexual (just like me fr.......). ashe is a trans guy and marianne a trans girl (t4t power couple), and i like the headcanon about ignatz being a trans girl too! bernadetta is aroace imo. oh, and all the blue lions are bisexual bc i say so :] also due to some funny stuff at first i thought arval was supposed to be a girl, then i realized they/them pronouns are used for arval in the game, then the epimenides reveal happened... so i now headcanon arval to be a trans girl who uses they/she (... again, relevant to my modern au)!! oh, and sothis is bisexual too. bc she's the goddess and she WILL fuck anyone she wants u.U

i'm really enjoying your questions, thank you so much!! <3<3 if it's okay i'd like to hear your headcanons and other thoughts about three houses:3